#live people (real people! who are real!) and can indeed be impacted by your actions and words

[astrobei]

every day i log onto tumblr feeling like troy barnes in community season 3 episode 4 “remedial chaos theory”

#i don’t speak on this topic ever bc i think it’s dumb but re the spicy polls account (?) i will say that yall are soooo quick to attack real #live people (real people! who are real!) and can indeed be impacted by your actions and words #in the name of defending characters who are not real #they’re not real!!!!! but the people on the other side of that screen are!! hope this helps #please utilize that block/unfollow/back/unscubscribe button i promise it will help lower your blood pressure back into the healthy range #i never know what’s going on bc all my mutuals always post from the same side of the discourse #so it always takes me a second to realize they didn’t all just decide to post the same take at the same time #anyway

[night-wyld-system]

Understanding Trauma

Many people seem to not understand trauma. This can be helpful to any and all people, regardless of whether or not you have experienced any trauma. Trauma can occur at any time or age. Being aware of how something is considered trauma is important so you can heal. Weather you were traumatized in childhood or adulthood, you deserve to be able to heal and understand that your struggles were indeed enough and valid.

What Is Trauma?

According to TIC "Trauma is a pervasive problem. It results from exposure to an incident or series of events that are emotionally disturbing or life-threatening with lasting adverse effects on the individual’s functioning and mental, physical, social, emotional, and/or spiritual well-being."

Trauma is a very vast and nebulous concept. It is an incredibly broad umbrella term that covers any and all distressing experiences that leave an impact on the individual who experienced them. They can be real or imagined experiences as well.

The way we (as a system) personally process trauma from our experiences with side effects of a medication giving us auditory and visual hallucinations is the same as we process the rest of our trauma due to the nature of what we suffer from. The "smaller" traumas we have endured are no less or more distressing than the "larger" traumas, merely they are easier for us to accept the fact that they occurred.

No one person will have the same criteria for what constitutes trauma for their brain. Everyone has a different tolerance for what may or may not be traumatizing. For example, children are more likely to be traumatized by things that would not traumatize an adult. Children are less aware and less capable of thinking about the future, because of this they often do not seem to understand that events are not life-threatening. This is not something that is to be seen as a fault or personal failing, this is merely a part of human nature.

Types Of Trauma

So many people are not aware that instances in their childhood or adult life may be traumatic or can cause trauma. They may believe that either they themselves or others are being weak for being affected so much by the things they have experiences. We understand this issue very well as we have often degraded and beaten ourselves up over the idea that some of our "lesser" traumas were not as bad as our "greater" ones and should have been inconsequential. This is not fair to us or anyone else.

Bullying People often overlook this as a form of trauma due to the idea that being bullied is a "normal part" of childhood. However this is a very unhealthy and unrealistic standard that has been set which plays a large role in socio-cultural issues we see today. That however is a topic for a different discussion entirely.

Some things that are seen as normal childhood "bullying" but can be traumatic are, but not exclusive to:

Child on child violence

Physical (hitting, tripping, kicking, etc.)

Verbal (name calling, teasing, taunting, threatening, and sexual comments)

Social (spreading rumors, embarrassing someone in public, being purposefully exclusive)

Cyberbullying (sending negative, harmful, and/or false content electronically via text messages or email; posting mean things or hurtful pictures online through social media, blogs, etc)

Bystander (seeing someone be harmed and not stepping in, being unable to help, etc.)

Things that can come from it that can also be traumatic:

School avoidance, including missing or dropping out of school

Poor academic performance

Self-injury

Eating disorders

Suicidal or homicidal ideas or actions

Stress, anxiety, and depression

Loneliness and isolation

Feelings of rejection, or poor self-esteem

Changes in sleep and eating patterns

Poor relational skills/never learning how to socialize

Community Violence Yet another form of trauma that is often overlooked is living in a volatile and aggressive environment. Whether or not you yourself get involved in any of the conflicts that have taken place in your neighborhood, city, town, region, or country, does not matter. The environment itself and the general feelings of tension can be incredibly stressful.

Things that can fall under this, but are not exclusive are:

Exposure to acts of violence committed in public areas by those who are not known to the victim

Gang conflicts/fights

Individual conflicts

Shoot outs

Public stabbings/shooting/violent assaults

Group conflicts

Ongoing Wars

Terrorist attacks

“War-like” conditions (often associated with high rates of crime and large amounts of organized crime)

Exposure to homicides, sexual assaults, robberies, assaults, and weapon attacks of either those you know or those who are detached

Consistent or constant reasonable fear of ones safety

Further traumas that can come as a result:

Bodily injury

Always being on edge

Trouble with trusting people in your community

Flashbacks

Exposure to and heightened risk for substance abuse

Being in survival mode

Worry about family & friends

Natural Disasters The world itself can be a scary place at times. There are a whole list of ways that nature itself can be a cruel and traumatic force. Survivors of natural disasters, no matter how big or small can be left with lasting mental scars.

Some examples may include:

Hurricanes

Earthquakes

Tornados

Wildfires

Floods

Tsunamis

Landslides

Blizzards

Droughts

Extreme Heat

Extreme Cold

Wind Storms

Further things that may be traumatizing which come as a result of some natural disasters:

Displacement

Loss of housing

Less resources

Loss of personal property

Changes in school

Changes in work

Loss of income

Physical injury

Loss of a loved one

Loss of community

Separation Anxiety

Medical Trauma Dealing with injuries, medical conditions, illnesses, and chronic illness can also be traumatic. Not only from just merely being sick or in pain, but also from the experiences one may have in a medical facility. These are typically based more on subjective experience than the fact of the injury/illness/treatment itself.

Some forms of trauma may include:

Injuries

Invasive procedures

Non-invasive procedures

Hospitalizations

Shock and loss of control at a diagnosis

Life-altering complications 

Conditions of the medical ward

Conditions of the doctors office

Unexpected medical intervention

Delirium experienced by some patients

Children not understanding what's going on

Chronic illness and health complications

Excessive doctor visits as a child as compared to ones peers

Additional forms of child that may be experienced as a result:

Impair day to day function

Flashbacks

Lack of adherence to medical treatment

Impediment to recovery

Physical Abuse This is a much more tricky topic as everyone tends to already have an idea of what this is. However most people's understanding of these issues are lacking to say the least. Society would have you believe it must always be done with harmful intention and result in physical injury, but that is not always the case.

Examples of some forms of this trauma:

Punching

Kicking

Grabbing 

Slapping

Dragging someone around

Unwanted non-sexual touch

Hair pulling

Spitting

Object throwing

Physical restraints

Having your medication controlled/restricted

Use of weapons

Coercion into using substances

Scratching

Biting

Pushing

Pulling

Pinching

Burning

Withholding physical needs (physical neglect)

Injuring or threats to injure others

Seeing an abuser destroy objects

IPV, Intimate partner violence

Seeing IPV/intimate partner violence

Further traumas that may be experienced as a result:

Struggle to develop and maintain friendships

Flashbacks

Walking on eggshells

Survival Mode

Physical injury

Welts

Bruises

Scars

Red marks that may fade away

Sexual Abuse Sexual abuse is yet another touchy subject, and one that needs to be discussed more. There are so many different forms of sexual abuse.

Examples of SA:

Sex Trafficking

Forced/Coerced Prostitution

Forced/Coerced Sex-work (virtual)

Contact

Non-contact

Assault

Groping

Harassment

Rape

Leaking/spreading of nudes

Using force, coercion, guilt, or manipulation.

Exploiting a victim who is unable to make an informed decision

Laughing or making fun of another’s sexuality or body

Making contact with the victim in any non-consensual way

Exhibiting excessive jealousy resulting in false accusations of infidelity and controlling behaviors to limit the victim’s contact with the outside world.

Having affairs with other people and using that information to taunt the victim.

Withholding sex from the victim as a control mechanism.

CSA/Child Sexual abuse This is a subset of SA, consisting of any forms of it that occur to a child. This is about whether or not it can be traumatic and less about if there is purposeful harm (there is unintentional forms of CSA also known as covert csa)

Examples include:

Child on child CSA (when a child assaults another child)

Non-contact CSA (typically any form of CSA where a child is not directly touched)

asking, pressuring, inciting, or otherwise coercing a child to engage in sexual activities (whether or not it leads to physical contact)

sexual touch/fondling (even if fully clothed)

sexual activity in the presence of a child

causing a child to watch a sexual act

exposure of genitals to a child

viewing a child’s genitalia or breasts without contact

inappropriate sexual conversation

meeting a child following sexual grooming

using a child to produce child pornography

sexual grooming

emotional incest

spousification

Religious/Spiritual Abuse Preface: Religion and spirituality is okay and can be healthy! Religious abuse happens when religions are run in bad ways or by bad people. This is any form of distress that occurs within a religious group or institution and has a lot of overlap with different types of abuse and traumas. This is even more apparent in cults.

Enforcement of the idea “you were born sick”

Fear of being damned to eternal suffering (things like fear of hell)

Being kicked out of the church

Removing oneself from a religious group and losing connections due to it

Trauma from separating oneself from a long believed in religious figure

Belief in being constantly watched

Being told you are sinful

Puritanical abuse (shaming sexuality, shaming sexual thoughts, shaming abuse survivors)

Experiencing shame or being told you’re not worthy of love due to your thoughts or beliefs

Fear of expressing yourself or sharing your thoughts

Forced to follow your communities rules and expectations

Marginalization due to your gender or sexuality

The use of scripture to justify abuse or injustice

Not feeling free to leave your faith

Individuals in positions of power who force members to participate in religious ceremonies or use fear of hell or punishment to earn their abnegation

Suppression of normal child development through limited access to information and the teaching of dysfunctional beliefs

Stifling independent thinking and creating self-doubt, to diminish the agency of members

Financial abuse

Financial manipulation

Ways leaving religions or the effects of harmful religious groups may be traumatic:

difficulty with decision-making and critical thinking

identity confusion

lack of meaning

Sleep and eating disorders

Nightmares

sexual dysfunction

Rupture of family and social network

financial stress

interpersonal dysfunction

emotional, intellectual, social, and sexual immaturity resulting from the control of information and discouragement of critical thinking within the religious environment

Traumatic Grief Grief is something that almost everyone will experience, but sometimes this can infact be traumatic. Especially for young children. It is okay if your grief turned traumatic.

Examples of traumatic grief:

Sudden loss of a loved one

Learning a loved one was murdered

Learning of a horrific crime that resulted in a loss of a loved one

Unexpected losses

Loss of a child

Accidental death of a loved one

Stalking This is something that a lot less people have experienced but it is very important to be talked about nonetheless.

Types of stalking/examples:

Cyberstalking

Domestic Stalking

Lust Stalking

Love-Scorned Stalking

Celebrity Stalking

Political Stalking

Hitmen Stalking

Revenge Stalking

Intimate

Non-intimate

Being followed around

Having someone taking photos of you without your knowledge and posting them online

Seeing the same person numerous times around you

Constantly feeling or being watched

Finding your things out of place when you know for fact you did not displace things and do not have any memory issues

TLDR;

There is a large amount of things that constitute trauma. We skipped a few things being trauma that is experienced due to discrimination and trauma experienced due to survivors guilt.

Resource Document

#trauma #ptsd #did #cdd #osdd #traumatic #actually traumagenic #actually traumatized #traumagenic #cw csa #cw sa #cw stalking #cw abuse #cw natural disasters #cw violence #cw assualt #cw rape #CW FOR EVERYTHING #cw trauma

[lingshanhermit]

Ling Shan Hermit: The Definition of Harm

When we talk about harm, our understanding is often too broad. The kinds of harm we can think of and observe are usually very specific physical harms, such as someone hitting your head with a cup, or someone on the internet saying you look like a sheepdog, and so on. As ordinary people, our understanding of cause, condition, and effect is very superficial, and generally, we can only observe a few very surface causes and conditions. Because we can only see those very shallow causes and conditions, we usually cannot see the impact of a concept on our hearts, let alone its significant influence on our future lives. If you are lacking in blessings, you might one day come across someone promoting a particular viewpoint while scrolling through videos. Unluckily, you think what they are saying is right, so you adopt it, and then, for the rest of your life, all your decisions are influenced by this viewpoint. At a critical moment, you make another wrong decision, and unlike in the past, this decision costs you your life. But usually, we do not define this kind of influence as harm. Because it is nearly untraceable. You might not even be aware of the existence of this influence. The judge will not investigate who influenced you to make this fatal decision; they will only pursue the one who stabbed you with a knife and put them in prison, rather than trouble the person who led you astray. Even though most of us don't consider this a form of harm, it is indeed harm, and very, very great harm at that. Most of us may never experience a nuclear explosion or die from a tiger bite in our lifetime, but every one of us can be harmed by wrong ideas. In this respect, no one is immune. It is more formidable than the most severe virus in the world, because most people have no defense against it. These years, I often see internet celebrities promoting stories of someone who remarried with children and received a hefty dowry. Videos like these can be seen almost every day. I can see them, others can see them, so many people watch them, imprint them in their minds, and they influence their speech, actions, and decisions. But essentially, no one will think that such videos are harming all women, but in reality, they are. Because many people may believe they can behave in the same way, just as you might see someone selling an old washing machine for a million and decide to follow suit. Over the past few years, we have seen women on the internet making a lot of money through marriage and again through divorce. We have seen people teaching online how to extract more money from men, how to manipulate boyfriends, how to play off several men against each other. When I see these things, I know that they are actually hurting all women — even those who don't harbor such thoughts are dragged into this. But most women aren't aware that this will hurt them. Because those who harm them are all under the guise of having their best interests at heart. They teach you how to get more benefits, how to protect your own rights, they believe they can control the situation without messing up. But the end result will be that no one wants to marry you, no one is willing to spend money on you, you will grow old alone, and the money you have swindled will not stay with you — this is just the best outcome. The worst-case scenario is that at a certain point, it will turn into physical harm, it will become harm by real knives and guns.

A few years ago, when a certain celebrity's wife exposed her husband's misdeeds, many women online cheered for her. They didn't realize that this lady's actions were actually hurting all of you. She was damaging your marriages, and everyone else's marriages, making every marriage fearful. Because your husband will also see this news. What would he think when he sees it? He might think: "I can't let her know about anything I do in the future." He would start to suspect you and wouldn't be as open with you as before. When he looks at you, he would think of that woman - the woman who exposed her ex-husband's many deeds after the divorce. He would wonder what you would do if you two broke up one day. Would you do the same? He would observe your attitude, to see which side you stand on. Of course, you are in strong support of the woman exposing the "scumbag" man — this makes him apprehensive and creates distance between you two. In fact, it's not just him who would think this way, but all husbands around the world. So, don't you think she is harming you? The harm defined by the law is often very superficial, and what most people understand as harm is like someone pushing your head against the wall — but harm is far more than that.

Many women learned a lot from this incident, and so did many men. Then, they acquired more weapons to harm each other. Although you've never met her, although she has never appeared in your life, and although you only saw her in the news, she can still harm you from thousands of miles away. She makes the person you love create a barrier against you, makes him wary of you, makes him think that you might do the same, and starts him on the path of guarding against you. Similarly, you also start collecting his information intentionally or unintentionally, stocking up more weapons for a possible war during a future divorce. The mutual trust between you begins to slowly leak away, cracks start to appear in your marriage, and this is how the devil sows discord in your relationship.

In the nineties, I first saw the blessing to the bride at their wedding in a Japanese TV drama: "You must be happy." I felt very strange at the time. Today, this phrase has become a common blessing exchanged between female friends. What puzzles me is, don't they know that marriage is the antonym of happiness? I know this phrase has harmed many people. Because it makes you feel that marriage itself should be happy, it makes you feel that other people are all living happily, and only you are unhappy. How can you possibly find happiness when you approach marriage with such misconceptions? If someone had informed you beforehand that marriage is like this – it's unbearable, it's tedious, he will get drunk, pee on the toilet seat, crawl into your best friend's bed, infuriate you countless times, make you want to strangle him in his sleep – if you knew that this is what marriage entails, you would be much happier.

Fairy tales suggest that when you desire nothing, you gain everything. But those who covet all, those who wish to monopolize and calculate every gain or loss, even when they sleep, they end up with nothing and attract a host of troubles. This holds true for both spiritual cultivation and life itself. Of course, you might dismiss this as just a fairy tale. But fairy tales often mirror the true reality; it's just that you might be too naive to recognize it.

Written by Ling Shan Ju Shi on May 15, 2023, first published on May 17, 2023.

All rights reserved, no infringement intended. All articles of the Ling Shan Hermit, in both Simplified and Traditional Chinese, English and other languages, are copyrighted to the natural person who owns "Ling Shan Hermit". Please respect copyright laws. Any media or individual (including but not limited to Internet media, websites, personal spaces, blogs, WeChat public accounts, print media) wishing to use this content must first obtain authorization from Ling Shan Hermit. No modifications to the article are permitted (including the author's name, title, body of the text, and punctuation). We reserve all legal rights.

灵山居士：伤害的定义

当我们说到伤害的时候，通常我们的理解都过于粗泛。我们能想到的能观察到的伤害都是那种非常具体的物理性伤害，例如某人用杯子砸了你的头某人在网上说你长得像一只牧羊犬之类。作为凡夫，我们对于因缘果的了解非常粗浅，一般来说我们只能观察到几个非常表面的因缘。因为我们只能看到那些非常肤浅的因缘，所以通常我们看不到一个观念对我们的心的影响，更看不到它对我们之后人生的重大影响。如果你缺乏福报的话，你可能在某天刷视频的时候看到某人在宣传某个观点，很不幸的是你觉得她说的对，然后你就学会了，然后在你之后的人生里，你所有的决定都受这个观点左右。在某个重要时刻，你又做出一个错误的决定，和以往不同的是，这次的这个决定要了你的命。但是通常我们不把这种影响定义为伤害。因为它几乎无迹可寻。你甚至根本不知道这种影响的存在。法官也不会追溯你是受谁影响作出这个令你丧命的决定，他只会追究那个拿刀子捅你的人把他关进监狱而不会去找那个教坏你的人的麻烦。虽然我们大多数人都不认为这是一种伤害，但这就是伤害，而且是非常非常巨大的伤害。我们大部分人可能一辈子也不会遭遇核爆炸，不会死于虎吻，但是我们每个人都会被被错误的观念伤害，在这方面，没有人可以幸免。它比世界上最厉害的病毒还要厉害，因为大部分人对它毫无防范。

这些年我经常看到有网红在宣传某人二婚带着孩子嫁的非常好还得了天价财礼，这样的视频几乎每天都能看到。我能看到，别人也能看到，所以它就被很多人看到眼里，印在心里，影响他们说话做事、做决定。但是基本上不会有人认为这种视频是在伤害所有的女人，但其实它就是在伤害所有的女人，因为很多人会觉得自己也可以那样，这就像是你看到某人把一个旧洗衣机卖到一百万块然后你打算学样一样。这几年我们能在网上看到有的女人以结婚的方式挣了很多钱又以离婚的方式挣了很多钱，能看到有人在网上传授如何从男人那里弄到更多的钱如何勒掯男朋友如何在几个男人之间周旋，当我看到这些事情的时候，我知道这其实是在伤害所有的女人——那些没有这种想法的女人也会被牵扯进去。但是大部分女人根本意识不到这会伤害到自己。因为这些伤害她们的人全都是打着为她好的名义，她们在教你如何得到更多的好处，如何维护自己的权益，她们觉得自己能把控局面不会玩砸，但是最后的结果就会是没有人想和你结婚，没有人愿意为你花钱，你会孤独终老，你骗来的钱也留不住——这还只是最好的结果。最坏的结果是发展到某个程度它会变成物理性伤害，会变成真刀真枪的伤害。

几年之前，当某明星的老婆爆出自己丈夫的那些事的时候，很多女人在网上为其摇旗呐喊。她们不知道，那位女士的做法其实是在伤害你们所有人，她在伤害你的婚姻，也在伤害所有人的婚姻，她让所有人的婚姻都提心吊胆。因为你老公也会看到这条新闻，当他看到这条新闻的时候他会怎么想？他会想：以后我做的事可不能让她知道。他会对你心生疑忌，他不会像过去那样对你毫无保留。当他看着你的时候，他会想到那个女人——那个离了婚之后曝光自己前夫种种的女人。他会想假如有一天你们分手了你会做些什么？你是不是也会那么做？他会观察你的态度，看你会站在哪一方，你当然是力挺女方曝光渣男的那一方——这让他心生畏惧，让你们产生距离。其实不止他会想，天下所有当老公的都会这么想，所以，你觉的她没有在伤害你吗？法律上定义的伤害通常非常浅陋，大部分人能理解的伤害是摁着你的头撞墙——但伤害远不止这些。

很多女人因为这件事学到很多东西，很多男人因为这件事也学到很多东西。然后他们就拥有了更多可以伤害对方的武器。虽然你和她素未谋面，虽然她从来没有出现在你的生活里，虽然你只是在新闻上看到她，她一样可以隔着几千里伤害你。让你爱的人对你心生隔阂，让他对你望而生畏，让他觉得你也可能会这样，让他开始防着你。同样的，你也会开始有意无意搜集他的信息，为以后离婚的时候可能发生的战争储备更多的武器。你们之间的互信开始慢慢流失，你们的婚姻出现裂痕，魔鬼就是这样离间你们的关系。

九十年代我第一次从日本电视剧里看到他们结婚时对新娘的祝福：“一定要幸福啊。”我当时的感觉很怪异。在今天，这句话已经成了女性朋友之间互致祝福的常用语。我奇怪的是难道她们不知道婚姻本身就是幸福的反义词吗？我知道这句话害了很多人。因为它会让你觉得婚姻本身就应该是幸福的，会让你觉得其他人都过的很幸福，只有你一个人不幸福。当你带着这样的认知去结婚，你怎么可能幸福？假如有人事先告诉你婚姻就是这样，就是这样不堪，就是这样繁琐，他会喝醉酒，会尿在马桶圈，会爬上你闺蜜的床，会无数次令你炸毛，会令你想要在他酣睡的时候掐死他，如果你事先知道这就是婚姻，你会幸福很多。

童话里说，当你什么都不想要的时候，你会得到一切；那些什么都想要、什么都想独占、什么都算计到、连睡觉都在打算盘的人，最后什么也得不到，还会惹得一身骚。无论是修行还是生活都是如此。当然，你会说那是童话。但是童话讲的就是真正的现实，只是你太天真了不知道而已。

灵山居士写于2023年5月15，首发于2023年5月17

[twinkdrama]

would you mind explaining your sentiments in your dni concerning cancel culture? just curious! :)

this will be long, but since you asked..

i am not a good person. i am a person who is equally capable of doing good and causing harm. even with the best of intentions my actions can have unintended negative impacts, and focusing on intention rather than impact is dangerous.

the more tightly we cling to our identity as a "good person", the more skilled we become at rationalising our behaviour, and the less available we are to examine the ways that we cause harm. (x)

accountability feels like being "cancelled" when you live in a world that has enabled you and let you get away with your harmful behaviour for far too long. (x)

please start aligning yourself with people who are going to call you out on your bullshit. many of us think we‘re growing but we have enablers and coddlers around us. remember that people exposing a pattern in behaviour is not an attack on you. (x)

call outs are love. call outs are necessary. call outs begin a process of accountability. call outs are survivor-centered. (x)

being held accountable is an act of generosity and compassion. it is a gift and an opportunity that someone hands us to correct our wrongs, unlearn and do better for the sake of our own growth. it might be uncomfortable but it is worth the discomfort. (x)

abolitionists have no desire to "cancel" people who cause harm AND commit to doing better. we ALL cause harm. thats part of the human experience. what matters is how you respond to accountability. (x)

what you do AFTER apologising is where accountability actually happens. accountability is not about finding the quickest and easiest way to total forgiveness. accountability is about recognising the harm you did as real and significant and doing whats in your power to repair that harm.

when you take harm that you‘ve done seriously you dont then go "oh it wasnt THAT big of a deal" or "I already apologised they should just move on." those things reflect that you dont actually take the harm that seriously, you just dont like the consequences. (x)

many of us want to take a transformative approach to justice, however, this requires the harm doer to aknowledge their violence, as well as commit to repair and ongoing accountability. often someone appears "cancelled" when they have refused to engage in this process in a meaningful way. (x)

anyone who takes the harm they‘ve done seriously will WANT to engage in the accountability process. the safety of the people they hurt – if they indeed do take their safety seriously – will be a priority. if it isnt then they arent interested in accountability, they‘re interested in dodging it. (x)

the difference between carceral thinking and accountability is not the presence / lack of consequences. it lies in how much autonomy the harmer has. carceral logic strips them of their personal power, accountability processes require that they take ownership of it. (x)

way too often ive seen people interpret abolition as meaning that we are all forbidden from concluding that a person will not change, regardless of the evidence or presence of continued harms. i do not think believing someone wont change necessitates carcerality.

im not interested in rhetoric that can make inaction in the face of violence attractive.

as abolitionists we should be able to ask "what if you cant stop the abuse" without assuming the answer is calling the police. we should already know calling them doesnt stop the abuse. the answer should always be "we find a way to stop it" not "we excuse it". (x)

look at the people who are loud about anti "cancel culture": celebrities, abusers, people with wealth and large platforms – and the people who sympathise with them. its no coincidence that people on top of the privilege pyramid are the ones who complain about "cancel culture" the most. (x)

we are taught to sympathise with people who harmed more than with people who are harmed. (x)

#accountability #abolitionist #restorative justice #transformative justice #abolition #asks #long post

[cant-even-function]

Don't Get Filtered Out: Finding Authenticity in a Filtered Reality

The Double-Edged Sword of Filters: Elevating or Deceiving?

In the digital era, filters - with their often high-profile use to improve photos, videos and real-time live streams - have become fashionable (Rettberg 2014). Nonetheless sitting under the magic-looking blankets is a two-edged sword with several consequences that may not be ignored. To start with, with filters, we achieve a sort of magic beauty that hides flaws, strengthens the good sides, enhances self-confidence and provides unique visual effects that will make the posts with such photos stand out on social media. Doing so not only reveals a taste in the style but also helps to be updated with the fashion trends. As a person who often uses filters and as a fact, I am sure such digital beautification can create an "illusion" effect. To illustrate, taking the extra time to wipe off my makeup and display my bare face, sometimes I would come upon myself devoid of brightness as well as disappointment. Therewith I can be dissimilar just like I would have been if my face was carefully fashioned by makeup. This transformation will, probably, raise my confidence and let me feel more secure when I am willing to show my photos on social media sites. Nonetheless, I cannot cease to notice that filters are a way of presenting a fake image that leads to a comparison of someone's self with others and to display "perfect beauty" in the eyes of other people. Nevertheless, filtration has its drawbacks as it deforms the actual images, causes distortions of beauty standards, makes young people experience self-efforted activities, and makes them more self-conscious and suffer from poor self-esteem. In addition to that, the overuse of filters to hide one's self-real appearance can lead to difficulties in building relationships and cause developed users to depend on filters, grow insecure about their current forms, and even immerse themselves into social isolation.

For instance, the case of Biluo, the Chinese or online phenomenon, who was followed because of her angelic voice and handsomeness is also an example. On other side of the coin, a video live stream is airing; she is exposing her true face by accident, and many users are exiting the stream, she is losing followers (Spectrer 2019).

Hence, the deployment of filters has to be handled with care and such action should be only taken if the person utilizing them knows the impact of those artifacts on user's psychology.

Beyond the Filter: How Faked Beauty on Social Media Hurts Our Self-Esteem

Social media filters that can perfectly remove blemishes like pimples, bring out the best parts of themselves, and even add makeup virtually just set up an impossible standard of appearance. The comparison made in most social media platforms between users and social media influencers creates a perfect persona that is false to real life, causing self-esteem and confidence issues in individuals ( Beauty A List 2022). When we finally achieve becoming a part of these flawless photo shoots we find ourselves trapped with derTerms and a deep discomfort with what we perceive. Unceasingly being exposed to manipulated visuals can indeed ruin our personal investment in beauty and compromise our self-identity. When looking into a mirror we might see the most honest version of ourselves and possibly feel discouraged or uncomfortable as a result of our natural features. A person may develop an unhealthy body perception issue, accompanied by a negative self-image, with more negative emotions in the young population, which is still under development. Besides that, the extended application of filters may inure you to the extent that you feel unpleased with your own face or body since what you see are the ones that are not true.

Embracing Authenticity: Redefining Beauty Beyond Filters

We are immersed in social media, a realm that gratifies us with virtual filters and the plea of flawless looks. As such, it is important to reconsider and reflect upon this tangible idea of beauty. Although the filters are necessary to reach those heights of beauty we envisage, it is equally important to bear in mind their awkwardness and the influence it has on our outward appearance. Authentic beauty is not a mere illusion that comes along with perfection shown through the filters, genuine beauty lies far beyond, e.g. kindness, empathy, intelligence, etc. It embraces our flaws, glorifies our uniqueness, and serves as a sanctuary in a world where people are too obsessed with manicured nails. Seeking a way to escape the picture made of airbrushed characters, we should break such beauty filters. Make up your own mind about what beauty is and how it can be presented throughout social media. Immediately we understand why it is so crucial to be authentic. It is the thing that gives us our power and allows us to be ourselves – beyond blemishes and imperfections. It is no longer just about unashamedly accepting the things we cannot control but about embracing our imperfections with all the courage we possess. When we stand for an authentic way of doing things, an inner quality is revealed that appeals to something higher than external beauty itself.

Reference lists:

Rettberg, J.W. (2014). Filtered Reality. In: Seeing Ourselves Through Technology: How We Use Selfies, Blogs and Wearable Devices to See and Shape Ourselves. Palgrave Macmillan, London. https://doi.org/10.1057/9781137476661_2

Specter, F 2019, 58-year-old Chinese woman who used video filter to pose as younger ‘cute goddess’ exposed after technical glitch, Yahoo.com, Yahoo Life, viewed 19 March 2024, <https://uk.style.yahoo.com/chinese-vlogger-beauty-filter-exposed-100905997.html?guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAACjf4mxzng-koozRfcX2lbXBwm1dxUSwCPYit8tRIYbAX5Gg_R-TnvQDTUkbd5fH0r-wy717UgfTLxF6_HD3FNOi82X_681h2-LuDO4TkDSmHbcrlIS62T5kzO0xLVgJEfZFyXsAjd4QD_ZBRZsk2l9KM9ZEZSro_heLJ16Tx3qW&guccounter=2>. 

Is that filter killing your self-esteem? 2022, BeautyAList, viewed 19 March 2024, <https://beautyalist.com/blog/social-medias-influence-on-unrealistic-beauty-standards--is-that-filter-killing-your-self-esteem>.

#mda20009 #digital communities #week 8

[performance-enablers]

Top team as the growth accelerator

As we get set to enjoy the year end break, here is something radical to mull over.

(The last week is usually a vacation or at least an easy week. And a few minutes of reflection -call it work if you like😊, can be refreshing when you have a long break).

If you are prioritizing which lever of growth to focus on, do look at your executive team first.

Why do I say this?

Not because executive team members are not as competent as others in the organization. They are naturally among the most competent. That’s why they are there at the top. (And I never forget that it is this group that gives work to people like me😊)

Yet, I say this for two reasons.

One is more in the form of an analogy that you have probably heard.

It was our first Prime Minister who had famously remarked: “If you educate a man, you educate an individual. However, if you educate a woman, you educate a whole family”.

My view is that when you enhance the effectiveness of an executive team member, you enhance the effectiveness of his whole team.

When an executive team member is at her best i.e. she can engage and inspire his team; excels in leading execution; can think long term and strategize etc., her entire team / division benefits from this, in terms of performance, engagement and inspiration.

If he faces any challenge in aligning his team, keeping it in the best shape, that’s when the help of others- internal or external to the organization, will produce real value as the team can see the leader as a role model and his keenness to raise their effectiveness.

Now take the executive team as a collective, an entity by itself.

When the whole team is truly aligned on the mission of the organization, it’s vision, the strategy and the core value it wants to live by, the spirit gradually percolates down to the rest of the organization. Over a period of time, the whole organization mirrors the way the executive team is functioning (#SteveJobs). And the results are spectacular.

Lest you should think that I am only sharing a personal view point, take a look at some of the studies.

First, the impact of an executive team member when he/she operates as an effective leader.

Besides what we see around, here is the excerpt from the research by Heidrick & Struggles on 3000 leaders drawn from diverse industries and functions, worldwide:

“ …Furthermore, leaders’ ability to inspire meaning and purpose in others not only affects their own effectiveness and the effectiveness of the organization but also has a notable positive effect on their team members’ effectiveness and ability to think about the future, which also builds organizational capacity.” (Karen R. West & Megan Herbst, April 2020).

Gallup ‘s research over 25 years has brought out that 50-70% of the employee’s perception of the work environment is driven by the actions of their managers. And organizations that take care to provide positive work environment, see improvements in customer satisfaction, greater innovation, and generate 25% higher profits than organizations that do not provide a positive employee experience.

The research by Vantage Leadership Consulting g ( Jacqueline Ackerman , 2023) on 50 executive teams found team performance to be highly correlated to the leader performance i.e. when team leaders are more effective, their teams are more effective.

And there are more.

Now look at the executive team as a unit.

New York Times best-selling author and an acclaimed management consultant Patrick Lencioni had remarked way back in 2002 “Not finance. Not strategy. Not technology. It is teamwork that remains the ultimate competitive advantage, both because it is so powerful and rare.”

Again, Jacqueline Ackermanof Vantage Leadership Consulting avers “…In over 45 years of consulting, we have found that high-performing teams are indeed rare.  Many teams underperform or are average (at best), and while there are myriad of reasons for this, the role of the team leader in creating high-performing teams is worth exploring.

The leadership team has a significant impact on an organization's performance. Effective leadership styles that align with organizational culture and values can foster a positive workplace environment and enhance organizational performance (Gomathy, Karthikeya, Sirkar and Sai, @International Journal of Scientific Research on Engineering and Management, May 2023).

And there are more.

Hope this is enough to establish that the top team needs to be right on the top when it comes to the growth levers for an organization.

The top team members being small in no., organizations can afford to pay personalized attention to them, as individuals and as a team.

Organizations can craft learning journeys that best cater to their learning needs – be it mentoring and coaching, on-the-job learning / action learning projects, workshops and courses to build right perspectives etc.

Learning activity has always been challenged for its #ROI. This approach may well have some of the answers.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

#executive team #growth and development

[sextechnews]

Sexbots and flying cars: Real life is already like "Futurama" - Big Think

Futurama was a show that first aired more than 23 years ago and still holds a special place in the hearts of all sci-fi lovers. It was set in the year 2999 (and beyond) and featured various innovations ranging from the career chip to the Smell-o-Scope to the mind switcher that many of us still wish to become a reality someday. Apart from the gadgets, the show was also remembered for its super-advanced robot society that was not only driven by machine learning but also by emotions, spirituality, and gender. Futurama also gave us an idea of how society might function if humans, robots, and aliens (from different worlds) co-existed together on Earth.The show represented many of our expectations and fears related to the future in a humorous and satirical way. And, in some aspects, the real world is beginning to resemble Futurama.

Futurama today

We don’t have to go too far into the future to see that. In fact, some aspects of modern life already resemble Futurama. For instance, in a 2011 episode called “Cold Warriors,” a contagious disease spread across New York City, infecting nearly everyone. Given the high rate of infection, authorities decided to quarantine the city. Sound familiar? The only difference is that, in Futurama, the authorities sealed off the entire city using a gigantic plastic sheet. “Cold Warriors” originally aired on August 25, 2011, about eight years before COVID-19 emerged.

Talking heads and flying cars

Life in Futurama’s 31st century is full of amazing inventions and technologies. People can interact with dead personalities (including former U.S. presidents, celebrities, and scientists) through their talking heads preserved in jars filled with an unknown liquid. Does that sound far-fetched? Perhaps not.  Subscribe for counterintuitive, surprising, and impactful stories delivered to your inbox every Thursday Amazon can deepfake the voice of anyone, like your dead grandmother. Additionally, various companies and nonprofit organizations are offering to preserve heads, brains, and bodies in the hope that you get a second chance at life if science ever cures aging and death. Many wealthy people like former PayPal CEO Peter Thiel have bought into this idea and are ponying up big cash. In the meantime, those of us in the living world will soon be able to get mind-controllable robotic arms, if we find ourselves in need of a replacement.We also won’t need to wait until the 31st century for other inventions featured in the show. Social robots? Those are already on the way. Last year, the makers of Sophia the robot announced that it (she?) will be mass-produced. What about flying cars? We have those now, too, though they’re given the more formal name “electric vertical take-off and landing (eVTOL) aircraft.”

Big Tech

If you think Big Tech is big today, Futurama predicts an even bigger Big Tech in the 31st century. Today, social media giants collect our data and employ algorithms to monitor and even manipulate our actions. Of course the same will occur in the 31st century, according to Futurama.The show features a tech and toys company called MomCorp whose CEO uses her position and power to exert control over everything on the planet. In the episode “Attack of The Killer App” (which first aired in 2010), Mom releases a virus called Twitform that takes control of the mind of every internet user who crosses the mark of one million followers on social media. The virus ends up turning the lead characters into mindless zombies who would do anything that Mom wants. In another episode titled “Mother’s Day,” Mom takes control of every robot on Earth and creates chaos by triggering a robot uprising against humans.One of the more interesting features of Futurama is how it handles incredibly complex philosophical and ethical topics. For instance, Futurama highlights both the good and bad sides of intelligent, self-thinking robots. It asks the question: If humans can be both good and evil, then why not robots? Indeed, the robot named Bender can be a good friend, but he also likes to steal money, drink alcohol, and have sex — with robots, humans, and aliens. Once again, this is not just goofy cartoon-world. Sexbots are real. And sex tech is thought to be a $30 billion industry.

Futurama, redux

Every day, our real world inches closer to the fictitious one portrayed in Futurama. Fans of the show should be happy to learn that, in February 2022, Hulu approved an all-new 20-episode season of Futurama. Good news, everyone! Read the full article

#news #Sextech

[jnixz]

character ask meme with Ford Cruller

For this Renaroo Character Ask Meme 

----------------

Ford Cruller 

(aka I have too much thoughts on this man that not everything can be included all at once bc my brain goes too fast)

First Impression 

Me, as a child who could only really appreciate the surface level of characters: Oh who is this? Oh funny old man!! funny old man who gives funny threats hehe! *keeps hitting him, buying from his store or calling him with bacon* 

Me, as someone who could keep a more comprehensive appreciation:  GOD your dialogue is so on point. It’s so unhinged and yet helpful-- You are HILARIOUS *keeps playing ford dialogue while waiting for the sequel* *thinks about Li-Po Doc and canon content* How the fuck are you So Much WTF??

Me, having started psyn2: Hehee let’s see what peepaw has in store for use, I’m sure this would be a normal mission with no personal connection whatsoeve-- OH we are starting it like THAT HUH? This is already fantastic

Impression Now

Me, an adult who has reading comprehension and a penchant for loving character that are so fucking much it would be an insult to portray them as ‘good’ or ‘bad’:  OH my god how can a man be so much just from Two Games™ I understand what people mean now when they say My Blorbo.

It just-- Hooooo my god

A very good development for a man who we only see as the old mentor figure in the first game, who we knew nothing about but grew to like because of him respecting raz as an agent, being hilarious and admittedly being exposition character to the utmost charming degree.

The second game just makes him so human, that even with the best intentions things can still go wrong. Sometimes things have been building up, climaxing till it become too much that no matter who you are, there are still flaws, error in judgement and in action. There will be things that are missed, mistake made and situations made worse in time. There are consequences that are acknowledged and faced and will continue to face in. This was delivered so fucking good that it adds even more to the character and what comes after.

He was a lot in this second game, a piece of the puzzle, a somewhat opposing force, an ally, and a man with mistakes and yet so undeniably human, just like the rest of the characters we explore. He had as much impact in the background (of how everything came to be) of psychonauts 2 plot as Lucy/Maligula and I love that so much.

*SHAKES ALL THE OLD PEOPLE BUT FORD MOST ESPECIALLY* BLORBOS

Favourite Moment

Can I just say all of them? There should be another video like this for the second game (and not just the fragments, I mean EVERY lines till the post-game). Every appearance so even the memory vaults and the mental constructs representing him count.

Like holy hell even just the first game, this man is so hilarious and unhinged, he brings a big grin on my face. Not only that but he can be so damn helpful when you ask him for advice. A constant presence within the camp that gives you a bit of comfort that there is still someone around, despite the situation it has turned into. It helps that you can call him for hints when you get stuck somewhere, so that presence can be quite precious indeed. Providing the best he could to this kid who happened to be the only hope to take action around camp. 

And then the Second Game

GOD

From the very lively animation, to the difference in tone we get from him in this sequel. It’s like the summary of the games itself. In the first games there are a lot more wacky humour that the darkness of the backstories and lines doesn’t quite make you tear up since it goes to be resolved or aided in a lighthearted manner. It’s more ‘unrealistic’ to what we would absorb it to be. All the meanwhile the second game has that maturity and emotional investment that just grips your heart and makes you feel so much more worse because these ones can be much more complex just like real life.

His fucking DIALOGUE MAN. The delivery as others’ mental constructs, as fragments and finally himself once again. SO GOOD

The Fragments Constructs make me tear up so much: “What have you done? Those were peaceful protestors, Lucy...”, “(To Ford Cruller. Lucy is dead. She is never coming back --M) You see? The mail just doesn’t matter” “*(What did you say in that letter?) Nothing important, really. Just that I loved her.” and more. I’m FINE, FANTASTIC EVEN

TOMB OF SHARKAPHAGUS

Ughghhg the little moments of Ford x Lucy, handholding, teasing, just being together again lakdsjh;laksdj

Ho HUrgh then when Maligula is Unleashed again and that desperate attempt hurghgjhgasdlkj

So happy everyone is okay at the end, and that it’s a continuation for more in the future

You should just search Ford Analysis on my blog’s search bar (or of tumblr I guess), I’m sure you’d have plenty of gushing to read

Idea for a Story

My god most of my story ideas for psychonauts all connect back to me thinking about Ford asdjlhgalkfa

His Trauma is sooooooooo unresolved, we can make a DLC out of this. Or not, would love to someday have a fic that heals with the old people together, with special appearance from non-senior citizen 

That said I am very interested in Motherlobe days with PN2 in mind, how he is like those days -- to his friends and new colleges, what could he do all while trying to keep it together when he fell apart even before it began?

How was he like when he met the Adult Cast of psychonauts? What they did think of him and how have they come to view him? Is it out of Legacy or has he done something that made them personally connect to him before he fully became incoherent?

And then, and then, the discovery of how psitanium keeps his mind together. How it isn’t enough to fully keep him together. (How they must have tried to help his mind, venture in, but the mindscape becomes too dangerous all of the sudden, or inexplicably unpleasant and disorientating that no matter who tried to help, they had to get out and give up? How it would be a bit better when it was one of his friends who was there-- and yet, it wasn’t enough. And honestly, it pains them to see how broken up he has gotten that his mind is like this)

Early years at Whispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp

Carving the Psychic 6 7

Meeting a face (like the child who was orphaned), so familiar to someone else (like his love he shouldn’t meet again). Hearing a familiar name (stolen, given to hide hers), so ironic that he might’ve laughed (sobbed and grieved, hollow and cracked) if it didn’t grip his heart with a feeling (Something is coming, she’ll be back soon. Another storm is coming and you can’t stop it alone this time it needs to be finished).

Ford and Augustus talking PLEASE give me that healing and bonding (actually I’m also curious the time before the Astralathe, like how did that go?)

Meeting the rest of the family (Rip Ford when he meets Dona, Dion, and Frazie. They’d definitely have opinions on everything. Meanwhile MIrtala and Queepie might not care and just wants to meet Granpa.. they have a peepaw  now :) )

Actually I need more character interactions and talking between Ford and people he cares about actually actually

Also, again his trauma is sooooo unresolved. If we get OBDLC than sir you better prepare for FBDLC but not really because he is a stubborn and actually is functioning even with problems. They’d figure this out with actual talking and not brain journeys. Kidding, brain journeys would also help but its still confusing for others to figure out the less surface level problems.

For real though someone do another check-up on Ford, self brain-damage using psychic powers is concerning actually. Lucy too but I think her stuff is resolved so she just needs rest and nice R&Rs.

In between these there would be snippets of Ford just hanging around Green Needle Gulch and fixing the place up again. Retirement home :) Chilling and having a space to be themselves :)

Also he goes back to Whispering Rock still, it is a space that is similar to GNG, and has been taking care of it for who know how many years. He can efficiently do his jobs now since his Fragments tend to stagnant and do the task repetitively even when it has been enough. He invites the rest of the Psychic 7 to hang out there or just be a guest for the kids. He is still grouchy towards annoying kids though, that just being old and bothered by youngsters.

Some cameos in general fics of which Psychic 7 give advice on a mission. Then worse comes to worse and they are the BAMF cavalry ehehe

Theres more but uhh *Checks WIP Fic Notes*  He is having a time™

OH also I have my backstory ideas for him that overlap with my ocs so there is that

Also Personal AU to include my OCs and worldbuilding additions, as well as a Time-Travel AU with an OC, that changes the course of that world due to the butterfly effect.

Oh there is also a storyline for Psyn Show Idea for ASC, which mostly started bc mailmen :)

Unpopular Opinion

Personally I didn’t get mad during the reveal scenes since I was more enamored with how all of this unraveled narratively and analytically in a perspective very used to dissecting the complexities of characters in a more colorful manner. Blame this tendency of mine on highschool, that’s when I learned how to enjoy fiction without it getting to me. Then again I just don’t get mad a lot either so yey appreciating wonderfully layered beings that make them very human.

Also his age is like ??? and tbh I don’t really care that much for actual number but like... I think the ‘young’ can mean very different things to the person and might mean like ‘young’ as a metaphor but not of the actual age. ‘young’ in terms of experience, of the new sort of experience to that sort of thing.  (Right does anyone get what I am rambling on about here??? anyway Old. He was already old in spirit since forver but then... during that time Old old doesn’t mean as much as an adult and yet feeling so young, dumb and maybe helpless on what to do)

Favourite Relationship

Ford & Raz - my god does the wait in between games add so much to the impact of this dynamic. Also my god I can think of so many parallels between the two like my god you cannot tell me that they wont continue to have a great peepaw and nephew dynamic like,,, psychonauts is more forgiving or gives more chances for a happier continuation so I think they’d be okay in the future. Also, everything I’ve said about the journey we went through the games. It is much more personal for these two, it is so goddamn important  aaaaaaaaaa

Also it goes without saying Ford & Psychic 7. I have thoughts on each dynamic but ofc Lucy and Otto are top contenders on these thoughts of mine.

ALSO can’t forget the dynamic he has with the Agent Counselors! I would love to see more of them but the snippets we got in the first game as well as the Scott Campbell comics are so good. Also notice how he calls them differently as fragments vs agent cruller.

Favourite Headcanon

this man is southern

Farm boi young Ford is so canon, you can’t stop us

His childhood is also filled with protagonist shenanigans. Everything weird is so normal to him.

There are backstories to his backstory. We never seem to get the full picture. A fucking cryptid actually

Like holy hell dude he uses He/Him but like... definitely not cis and of a He/Him nonbinary male cryptid thing. GNC af

When his fragments are out, their genders are “The [Job Title]” Get it Right, son.

That and he had a thousand jobs before coming to Green Needle Gulch. His favourite ones include cleaning or maintenance of some kind. 

With all the jobs he does, he isn’t poor. But with how he spends ‘em... I wouldn’t call him rich either. It’s like having just enough for the latest shenanigan to happen.

College Friends with Otto

Bi/poly -- I can’t believe Psychic 7 invented Two hands supremacy

Romantic but like in a sappy and domestic degree, there is beauty in bringing out the extra in a normal setting. 

Really Intense on whatever he does (Pros and Cons are also intense). He is so spooky. This is normal.

His vibes Scares and Intimidate people unintentionally most of the time, couple that with his penchant to silently walking or teleporting behind someone well... Let’s just say people get a confusing first impression on the guy, and then when they actually get to interact with him onwards

Grilling, Cleaning, Woodcarving ;] Nice quiet pass times

Other than having psychic powers, he can also throw hands very easily

Definitely got nightmare and never enough sleep after the Deluge

He had a full set of 10 fingers. At some point between Motherlobe days and Whispering Rock Times, he only had 8 left.

Great oxymoron of a man, his experience is undoubtedly interesting. There are like fantastic action genre but also like domestic chill times where one breaths and enjoy life. This is normal. This is life

#asks #ask #anon #character ask meme #psychonauts 2 #psychonauts 2 spoilers #ford cruller #headcanon #any and every ask with Ford is just asking for an essay #I've revisted this draft numerous times that i just need to post it #tag-rambling #analysis #kinda #by favourite headcanons do you mean some headcanons shared by others and also completely new ones i have yet to share? Grats well here you

[goldenkamuyhunting]

Hello hello! I LOVE your summaries and chapter & character analyses! I just wanted to ask...what is the significance of the bottom panel with little Ogata and his mom plus that text? Maybe I'm reading his expression wrong, but little Ogata seems to be looking lovingly at his mom (looks like a slight smile on his face)? It's interesting that this was shown near the final battle...

Sorry, I placed these three asks together because they deal with a similar topic.

Now, as I mentioned more than once I'm in the group that believes that Ogata is indeed feeling emotions like any human being but he's used to suppress them so that not only he often doesn't show them but he manages to keep his conscious side not even aware of them.

I've a by now ancient meta dealing with how characters in the story cope with guilt trying to suppress it, as this is a recurring theme through GK.

Noda seems to remark on how Ogata is so good at ignoring his guilt yet he's feeling it by giving to said guilt a manifestation in form of Ogata hallucinating Yuusaku.

Basically, unless we assume Yuusaku is a real wandering ghost tormenting Ogata, the fact Ogata keeps on hallucinating Yuusaku tells us he feels guilty, that murdering Yuusaku wasn't like stepping on a leaf for him, an act he did without thinking about it and forgot short after.

The memory of Yuusaku torments Ogata each time his psychological defences are at their weakest point, we see it happening when he was lying in a hospital after having been injuried by Sugimoto but also when in Karafuto he get feverish and, in this case, Yuusaku's image superimpose with Asirpa, creating in his mind a subconscious connection.

Later, in fact Yuusaku's hallucination will 'stop' him each time he'll try to shoot Asirpa.

We see something similar happening to Asirpa as well, as, when she consider killing Ostrog, she can't because she's reminded of when her arrow hit Ogata.

In Asirpa the whole thing is more natural as, although she too is prone to suppress negative emotions, she's not really doing it as much as Ogata, who's a lot more psychologically damaged than Asirpa will ever be.

Ogata has likely felt affection for his mother.

He remembers her, he dreams her as she sung him a lullaby, he used to love the anglerfish nabe she made, when he realized she was going insane, he tried to 'heal' her by providing her other things to cook.

When he lies about Sugimoto's last words in his mind he basically imagines Sugimoto's last minutes were what he wanted his father's last minutes to be, him thinking at his mother, him wanting to provide to her, him wanting to eat her anglerfish nabe again.

He had genuine attachment for his mother.

I don't know how he came up with the idea that, if she were to die, his father would finally come for her.

I know back then insane people weren't entrusted to a mental asylum but left in the family's 'care' the family either keeping trapped in a room that would work as a cell or disposing of them as discreetly as possible (a common way was to bring them to a trip on the mountains and 'forget' them there).

This social background could have influenced him but I don't know if we'll ever know why he came up with such an idea.

But that act likely impacted deeply on his psyche because Hanazawa never came and he lost his mother.

Possibly it's from that act Ogata learnt to bury guilt. So as not to feel pain for his own actions, for his own loss, he learnt to bury it, to disconnect from it and grew up with the idea he felt none when instead he continued to repress it... which is encouraged because Ogata becomes a soldier when he's really young and soldiers are actively encouraged and brainwashed into not feeling guilt for killing people.

And so Ogata ends up on meeting Yuusaku who latches on him like a lost puppy, without any care for how Ogata, as politely as he could, told him to let him be.

As far as Ogata knows, Yuusaku is the reason due to why Hanazawa stopped visiting his mother.

Ogata doesn't want to play the role of the 'Ani-sama' (兄様 "older brother") to the guy who, according to what he knows, caused his mother's abandonment... and Tsurumi feeds this feeling by suggesting if Yuusaku were out of the picture Hanazawa would love Ogata.

All this eventually leads to Yuusaku's demise, which, again, gives Ogata nothing. Hanazawa doesn't care for Ogata all the same. When Ogata goes and talk with him there's the implication his mother was already starting to lose her mind and that's why Hanazawa rejected her.

My speculation is Tome was a bit like Usami, obsessed with Hanazawa, thinking he would eventually dump his wife and marry her.

She, as far as we know, differently from Usami didn't get to the point she murdered someone to get Hanazawa, but he probably saw her obsession as insanity, he likely never planned to leave his wife, which is from the upper class, and marry a geisha and this is possibly why he left her, because she wouldn't content herself with being just his lover but had the 'insane' fantasy she could become more.

Anyway, while Ogata probably managed to bury deep enough the guilt for his mother's death, he just can't work out in the same way the guilt for Yuusaku's death, which haunts him even though he tries to deny it even to this day.

It's meaningful how in chap 253, when he tries to aim at Asirpa, he senses Yuusaku in the same way as he has sensed it in chap 246, when he was trying to aim at her again but, despite Ogata being usually intelligent, he doesn't manage to make the connection between those two happenings.

Actually in chap 253 the fact he got distracted by Yuusaku's presence even saved his life, yet he interprets it as Yuusaku's ghost trying to get in his way.

He lives in denial, his father, with his dying breath, cursed him so of course Yuusaku would be there to get in his way.

Either there's really a ghost in this story or Ogata is just not ready to accept he feels guilty.

And in all this mess he stumbles into Asirpa who we can see presents parallels with both his mother (she feeds him but she also loves someone who loves another) and Yuusaku.

And so at this point we've to wonder where Noda is going to lead him.

Since there was all this big build up between him and Asirpa, we can wonder if he'll face her again and this will force him to face the emotions he repressed for such a long time.

Will this cause him to be more open with his emotions and not suprress them? Will this cause him to accept he feels guilty? Will it make him cry? Will it make him show affection for someone again?

It's hard to say.

Unless Noda radically changed his plans, as I've said many times, I don't think he plans to kill Ogata... but this doesn't necessarily mean he'll make a 180° turn from how he is.

We've seen how Tsukishima tried to face what he kept inside... only to go back on square 1 and return on being a loyal Tsurumi follower.

We've seen Koito trying to be different... but then he let doubt catch him and he didn't dare to confront Tsurumi when he understood the latter knew they were there.

Changing is difficult.

We saw Shiraishi... slowly growing attached to Sugimoto and Asirpa to the point he went into the brewery despite the fire to save Sugimoto (and we've heard Boutarou saying through his whole permanence into the group how Shiraishi changed from how he was even though Shiraishi himself denied it).

Changing is possible... but it requires time... and, often, it requires help, a reason to do so. Shiraishi changed because he formed an emotional bond with Sugimoto and Asirpa due to the GOOD time they spent together. They had bad times as well, but the good ones just won.

So, back to Ogata... even if he finally were to face what he keeps inside... how much this would change him?

Hard to say but this is not a shonen so I doubt we'll have a drastical change in a short amount of time.

The story is ending, my guess, according to what Noda did, is Ogata isn't going to die but, all the bets are open on how he's going to live.

Tears when he were to face his buried feelings would be a good release of bottled up emotions but again, it depends on how he faces them. If he does it the bare minimum to realize he actually can feel guilt, we might not get them.

There's no time for him to develop emotional attachment/affection. Either he already has it, and he is in denial for it, or this is something that will require time. So it's a bit like a videogame. Will Noda unlock this event or not?

As Noda showed a flashback with his mother of whome we hadn't seen the face yet, I expect we'll get more about her... and possibly about his grandparents.

So yeah, we could get to see a more emotional Ogata, but it can also be this won't be the case... or Noda will save the best scenes for the volume version because sometimes Noda is like that.

Long story short, I've no idea what will be of Ogata beyond that I think that Noda won't kill him and that he has been building him up to have him face 'the ghosts of his pasts' and it's possible he's meant to do it while facing Asirpa but I think we should prepare ourselves for an interesting ride because Noda so far still seems to have plans for him.

We'll see... thank you all for your asks and sorry if I put them together!

#Ogata Hyakunosuke #Asirpa #Ogata Tome #Hanazawa Koujirou #Hanazawa Yuusaku #Hanazawa Hiro #Usami Tokishige #Sugimoto Saichi #Tsukishima Hajime #Koito Otonoshin #Ask

[rainbowsky]

I feel like it would be better if everyone could just concentrate more on the projects GGDD are bringing out ( SDC and OOL for example) and less on political issues that's out of our hands. More of that positive engagement is what we need

If you prefer to look away from politics that is your right, but that's not something you have the right to ask of others. Especially considering that I tag every political post that I make, so there's no excuse for people seeing things they don't want to see (if you want to avoid political posts from my blog you can filter the "your political disengagement is a weapon against you" tag).

You have created a false dichotomy here anyway, because people are focusing on both. People are enjoying and loving GG and DD and their projects, while reflecting on politics surrounding them.

I believe personally that in order to have a truly balanced and healthy perspective on GGDD one must do both. However, not everybody is up for that emotionally or psychologically, and that's totally fine too.

I'm going to go over some points that I made about this topic a while back. This is a slightly revised version of what I've said in the past. I hope after reading this, Anon, you can understand why I don't find the approach you've proposed acceptable.

“BXG should stay away from politics”

While I understand some people get involved in fandom strictly for the enjoyment and escape, I don’t think it’s appropriate for those people to try to dictate how others approach things. As a politically-minded person, the idea of ‘staying away from politics’ - especially the idea of pressuring others to stay away from politics - goes against some of my most deeply held values.

There are also some fairly glaring problems with the idea that BXG should stay out of political discussions.

1] Making it socially unacceptable to care about politics is a means of ensuring people remain uninvested in what happens in the world.

‘Politics’ is a word that is often used to emotionally distance people from things that directly impact them. Labeling social issues as ‘politics’ and then making 'politics’ a dirty word is a psychologically manipulative practice that frames important, life-changing issues as tedious, negative and inappropriate pursuits. People might as well be saying, “Don’t trouble yourself with how the world is run, with how people treat each other, with what you’re allowed to do, say or think, with who is in charge of things or what decisions and actions they impose upon others.”

How convenient for the powers-that-be. How convenient for the status quo. A population that has a distaste for 'politics’ has a distaste for concerning themselves with their own interests. A population that has a distaste for politics will not only avoid thinking about how things are run, they will dissuade - often vociferously - other people from thinking or talking about those things as well.

When you make it socially unacceptable to think about issues that matter, you ensure that the people will never really question what’s happening, or demand change. You will ensure that people do not inform themselves or reflect on and develop their own ideas and values. You will ensure that people who try to stand up for themselves in a broader way will have little support, and will face bullying and stigmatization for their efforts.

2] Disinterest in politics reflects a level of privilege a lot of people don’t have.

When an issue of injustice comes up and someone’s response is, “I don’t want to talk about politics,” or “Let’s try to stay away from politics” in a very real way the message they are communicating to others is, “Whatever is happening to those people, I don’t care. My conversational discomfort in this moment is more important than the injustices those people are dealing with.”

The fact is, our actions and choices are inherently political. They reflect and often reinforce the sociopolitical structures we live within. The purchasing decisions we make, the media we consume, the ideas and policies we legitimize via our behavior - all of these things are political whether we know it or not.

The big difference between thinking of ourselves as political and thinking of ourselves as not political is that apolitical people are able to move through sociopolitical structures completely unconsciously, while others don’t have that luxury. Poor people, racialized people, immigrants, targeted minorities - none of these people have the luxury of ‘not caring about politics’. Their lives often depend on being deeply invested in what happens in the public and private sphere.

If you’re able to ‘not be interested’ in politics then you are a fortunate person indeed.

To people faced with injustice and inequality, politics can often be a question of their very right to exist, let alone thrive, in this world.

3] Editing politics out of discussions about GG and DD is a lot like erasing their queerness. It adapts them into a narrative that, while it may feel good for some fans, isn’t real.

It may make some fans more comfortable to edit out the parts of this fandom that are confusing or unsettling, but fans who prefer their perspective to be balanced and based on reality will just have to accept that this fandom will sometimes force us to reflect on things that aren’t so pleasant.

GG and DD are living under an authoritarian regime. They are frequently called upon to perform and present propagandistic ideas and projects. All of this just goes with the territory. If we refuse to explore and understand the political elements surrounding GG and DD we will be missing important context about them and and their lives.

The politics are relevant to the fandom. They are relevant to what we discuss, how and why. They are an inextricable element of GG and DD’s lives, and that necessarily makes them an inextricable element of any meaningful discussion of them and what they do.

4] If you share their propaganda posts and projects, you ARE being political.

I really feel the need to point out this obvious fact, because there appear to be some people who really don’t get it. GG and DD’s propaganda posts and projects are inherently political.

It is hypocritical and unreasonable to spread that propaganda and then tell people not to discuss it.

Having said all of that, there are simple ways to co-exist even if we disagree.

There are a lot of reasons why people participate in fandoms, and not everyone is in a mental or emotional place where they want to be exposed to political discussions, which can be stressful. Fandom can be a form of escapism, and a way to enjoy something light and fluffy without having too look too closely at the cracks in the facade.

That is a perfectly legitimate position to take on things, and people who don’t want to take part should be free to filter those things out of their feeds. Tagging political or stressful posts is a must.

However, what isn’t legitimate is telling other people that they shouldn’t be thinking about it or discussing it, or claiming that it doesn’t belong in the fandom. Respect needs to work both ways, and space needs to be given for people to pursue fandom in the ways that work best for them. 

BXG are a broad category of people with a broad range of interests, motivations and needs. It is possible for all of this diversity to harmoniously coexist, but that means respecting each other and working together. Tagging posts that we know some fans would rather not see is one excellent way of doing this. And that includes tagging posts that contain propaganda messages or projects, which can be offensive or triggering for people who have grown up under authoritarian regimes.

***

I also want to add a personal note here.

There are a lot of troubling things happening right now. A lot of people are feeling unsettled about it. One of the main ways in which people process and come to terms with difficult experiences is through talking about it and exchanging ideas with other people who care. It would be a huge disservice to a lot of fans who are struggling with what's happening to say, "You're not allowed to think or talk about this. Let's focus on other things."

One of the primary purposes of my blog from day one has always been to try to be supportive, particularly of marginalized people or people who are dealing with adversity. I want my blog to always be a place where people can feel safe to talk about the things that are on their mind.

#your political disengagement is a weapon against you #brotherhood and stuff #bxg perpectives #fandom reflections #ask

[itsclydebitches]

Here's a quandary I've suddenly found myself in: where do you stand on writers deleting their own works, fanfiction or otherwise? I've had this happen to me on more than one occasion - I go to look for an old favorite and find it's since been deleted from whatever site I read it on.

On the one hand, I'm inclined to think that, "Sure. The author wrote it, it's their call. I don't own the work - I certainly didn't pay for it. It's their decision, even if it's disappointing."

But at the same time I can't help but consider the alternative - if I believe in death of the author (and I do), that an author's work fundamentally isn't solely theirs once it's been published, posted, etc., then it also seems wrong to have a work deleted. Stories aren't the sole property of their creator, after all.

But then I circle back. D'you think there are different obligations between authors and readers and the works being made in fandom space? I know if I had bought a book and the author decided they wanted it back, I would feel pretty comfortable telling them no, given I'd paid for it and whatnot. But that's a different world from fanfic and fandom space generally.

So. You're insightful Clyde, I'm curious as to what you'll have to say here (and to all y'all thinking about it, don't flame me. I haven't decided where I stand here yet - haven't heard a good nail-in-the-coffin argument for or against yet).

Val are you a mind reader now? I’ve been thinking about this exact conundrum the last few days!

(And yeah, as a general disclaimer: no flaming. Not allowed. Any asks of the sort will be deleted on sight and with great satisfaction.)

Honestly, I’m not sure there is a “nail-in-the-coffin argument” for this, just because—as you lay out—there are really good points for keeping works around and really good points for allowing authors to have control over their work, especially when fanworks have no payment/legal obligations attached. In mainstream entertainment, your stories reflect a collaborative effort (publisher, editor, cover artists, etc.) so even if it were possible to delete the physical books out of everyone’s home and library (and we're ignoring the censorship angle for the moment), that’s no longer solely the author’s call, even if they have done the lion’s share of the creative work. Though fanworks can also, obviously, be collaborative, they’re usually not collaborative in the same way (more “This fic idea came about from discord conversations, a couple tumblr posts, and that one headcanon on reddit”) and they certainly don’t have the same monetary, legal, and professional strings attached. I wrote this fic as a hobby in my free time. Don’t I have the right to delete it like I also have the right to tear apart the blankets I knit?

Well yes… but also no? I personally view fanworks as akin to gifts—the academic term for our communities is literally “gift economy”—so if we view it like that, suddenly that discomfort with getting rid of works is more pronounced. If I not only knit a blanket, but then gift it to a friend, it would indeed feel outside of my rights to randomly knock on their door one day and go, “I actually decided I hate that? Please give it back so I can tear it to shreds, thanks :)” That’s so rude! And any real friend would try to talk me out of it, explaining both why they love the blanket and, even if it’s not technically the best in terms of craftsmanship, it holds significant emotional value to them. Save it for that reason alone, at least. Fanworks carry that same meaning—“I don’t care if it’s full of typos, super cliché, and using some outdated, uncomfortable tropes. This story meant so much to me as a teenager and I’ll always love it”—but the difference in medium and relationships means it’s easier to ignore all that. I’m not going up to someone’s house and asking face-to-face to destroy something I gave them (which is awkward as hell. That alone deters us), I’m just pressing a button on my computer. I’m not asking this of a personal friend that is involved in my IRL experiences, I’m (mostly) doing this to online peers I know little, if anything, about. It’s easy to distance ourselves from both the impact of our creative work and the act of getting rid of it while online. On the flip-side though, it’s also easier to demean that work and forget that the author is a real person who put a lot of effort into this creation. If someone didn’t like my knitted blanket I gave them as a gift, they’re unlikely to tell me that. They recognize that it’s impolite and that the act of creating something for them is more important than the construction’s craftsmanship. For fanworks though, with everyone spread around the world and using made up identities, people have fewer filters, happily tearing authors to shreds in the comments, sending anon hate, and the like. The fact that we’re both prefacing this conversation with, “Please don’t flame” emphasizes that. So if I wrote a fic with some iffy tropes, “cringy” dialogue, numerous typos, whatever and enough people decided to drag me for it… I don’t know whether I’d resist the urge to just delete the fic, hopefully ending those interactions. There’s a reason why we’re constantly reminding others to express when they enjoy someone else’s work: the ratio of praise to criticism in fandom (or simply praise to seeming indifference because there was no public reaction at all), is horribly skewed.

So I personally can’t blame anyone for deleting. I’d like to hope that more people realize the importance of keeping fanworks around, that everything you put out there is loved by someone… but I’m well aware that the reality is far more complicated. It’s hard to keep that in mind. It’s hard to keep something around that you personally no longer like. Harder still to keep up a work you might be harassed over, that someone IRL discovered, that you’re disgusted with because you didn’t know better back then… there are lots of reasons why people delete and I ultimately can’t fault them for that. I think the reasons why people delete stem more from problems in fandom culture at large—trolling, legal issues, lack of positive feedback, cancel culture, etc.—than anything the author has or has not personally done, and since such work is meant to be a part of an enjoyable hobby… I can’t rightly tell anyone to shoulder those problems, problems they can’t solve themselves, just for the sake of mine or others’ enjoyment. The reason I’ve been thinking about this lately is because I was discussing Attack on Titan and how much I dislike the source material now, resulting in a very uncomfortable relationship with the fics I wrote a few years back. I’ve personally decided to keep them up and that’s largely because some have received fantastic feedback and I’m aware of how it will hurt those still in the fandom if I take them down. So if a positive experience is the cornerstone of me keeping fics up, I can only assume that negative experiences would likewise been the cornerstone of taking them down. And if getting rid of that fic helps your mental health, or solves a bullying problem, or just makes you happier… that, to me, is always more important than the fic itself.

But, of course, it’s still devastating for everyone who loses the work, which is why my compromise-y answer is to embrace options like AO3’s phenomenal orphaning policy. That’s a fantastic middle ground between saving fanworks and allowing authors to distances themselves from them. I’ve also gotten a lot more proactive about saving the works I want to have around in the future. Regardless of whether we agree with deleting works or not, the reality is we do live in a world where it happens, so best to take action on our own to save what we want to keep around. Though I respect an author’s right to delete, I also respect the reader’s right to maintain access to the work, once published, in whatever way they can. That's probably my real answer here: authors have their rights, but readers have their rights too, so if you decide to publish in the first place, be aware that these rights might, at some point, clash. I download all my favorite fics to Calibre and, when I’m earning more money (lol) I hope to print and bind many for my personal library. I’m also willing to re-share fic if others are looking for them, in order to celebrate the author’s work even if they no longer want anything to do with it. Not fanfiction in this case, but one of my fondest memories was being really into Phantom of the Opera as a kid and wanting, oh so desperately, to read Susan Kay’s Phantom. Problem was, it was out of print at the time, not available at my library, and this was before the age of popping online and finding a used copy. For all intents and purposes, based on my personal situation, this was a case of a book just disappearing from the world. So when an old fandom mom on the message boards I frequented offered to type her copy up chapter by chapter and share it with me, you can only imagine how overjoyed I was. Idk what her own situation was that something like scanning wouldn’t work, but the point is she spent months helping a fandom kid she barely knew simply because a story had resonated with her and she wanted to share it. That shit is powerful!

So if someone wants to delete—if that’s something they need right now—I believe that is, ultimately, their decision… but please try your hardest to remember that the art you put out into the world is having an impact and people will absolutely miss it when it’s gone. Often to the point of doing everything they can to put it back out into the world even if you decide to take it out. Hold onto that feeling. The love you have for your favorite fic, fanart, meta, whatever it is? Someone else has that for your work too. I guarantee it.

So take things down as needed, but for the love of everything keep copies for yourself. You may very well want to give it back to the world someday.

#fandom #fic things #mymetas #never any easy questions on this blog huh? lol

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 149

So, I was super busy on my normal queueing day and wasn’t able to set this up. And by ‘super busy’ I mean ‘doing laundry, weeding flower beds, and taking several naps’, bc I have upwards of 24 niblings and a super-full time job that make me exhausted.

I’m not kidding, I recently told @baelpenrose “I had a birthday party to go to, yes it’s the third Saturday in a row, don’t worry about keeping track because there are SO MANY”. 

What doesn’t make me exhausted? Y’all. The likes, the comments, the reblogs, the ‘hey, this person reads my stuff AND Bael’s stuff’ ( @feral-possums-in-the-bog, @drbibliophile, looking at you in a very loving way). Also the speedrunners... all of you who have ever, at any point, found this fic and decided to read every single chapter as quickly as possible ( and have or haven’t shamed me for needing to update the masterpost or page links), you keep me going like nothing else. I, too, like a good binge read, so I know I’ve done something worth... something... when someone else binges like that.

“So the Ark is semi-organic?” I glanced over and resisted the urge to trail my fingers along the walls of the corridor.

“That would be the closest Terran approximation, yes,” they confirmed. “It is not sentient in any form, but all exposed surfaces, for example, are grown in-place of a material native to our home planet.”

“So cool,” I whispered. “Is there a benefit to that, aside from being more sustainable?”

Noah rubbed two liw alongside their sensory organs, and let out a soft buzz - essentially rubbing their face with a sigh. “It is very rare for any species that achieves sentience to reach a level of technology that allows for faster than light travel without what you refer to as sustainability being included in every aspect of their culture.”

“Oh.” I felt ashamed and focused on my feet for a few steps, paying close attention to the feeling of the deck plating through my soles, any uneven textures that I came across turning into canyons of perception.

“In the case of the material coating the surfaces of the Ark,” Noah continued, clearly picking up on my discomfort, “it serves a largely hygienic function, much as Else currently provides.”

“So, that’s what Xio was referring to when she said that Hujylsogox ships largely decontaminate themselves?”

“Indeed. Where my species absorbs impurities from the air and any surfaces we come in contact with, the lining of the corridors, rooms, and vents can purify the rest within a Galactic week.” That worked out to eleven and two-third days as we currently measured them on the Ark, or fourteen and a half days on Earth. “Biofiltration is a very common way to sanitize spaces that often house multiple species to avoid destructive interactions, although the coating we use is known to be the most efficient organic solution.”

Surrendering, I ran my fingers over the wall.  Even knowing that it was grown, it still felt like sandstone under my touch. “If it is so efficient, why don’t the Ekomari use it on their ships?”

Their fingers on both vomu clacked as they tapped them together. “In absence of another organism to ingest the larger particulates, sypo is what you would consider to be too efficient.”

“Feathers clog it up?”

“Like you would not believe,” they hummed deeply - a groan, clear as day. “It actually ends up starving the sypo.”

Unbidden, my mind’s eye flashed back to the nightmares that Else had shown me early on: large flakes of the walls falling away and littering the corridor floors. “So, that was a very real thing?” There didn’t seem to be any reason to clarify, given how clearly the images had blared in my head.

“Correct. We believe that Else understood the nature of the material and was trying to show you what was happening in a way they thought you would understand.” A heavy liw gently patted my shoulder. “They meant well, even if they did not realize that it would backfire.”

I was about to ask what the Ekomari use in place of sypo as a biofilter, but my databand signaled me. Judging by the fact that it chimed, flashed, and vibrated against the bones in my wrist, this was incredibly urgent. “I’m sorry, Noah, one mom - ah, fuck…” Pinching the bridge of my nose, I mentally braced myself for what I knew would be coming in the next several days.

“Wisdom, you are distressed.”

“Departmental notification from Pranav and Zach that they will be doing system security testing over the next week. Which means Derek will be doing his best to hack into our systems and take them out, while Pranav and Zach take notes of vulnerabilities and then fix them afterward.”

The face-rubbing sigh was back. “They are not including basic ship functions in this testing, correct?”

I shook my head, relieved that I could at least provide that assurance. “Negative. Only the systems that humans will be replicating on our own once we are on Von.”

“This is still terribly inconvenient. These tests increase tension across the Ark to quite difficult levels to be around.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. It’s mostly from what happened Before, at least for the older members of the crew.  I mean, we got a Global Parliament out of it, but… there were a scary few years before we got there. And then the End happened, and the hack felt like some kind of warning looking back.”

Noah buzzed thoughtfully. “You are speaking of the gap in data we found when we were trying to download your planetary database.”

A part of me wanted to laugh at the fact that Miys continued to refer to the internet as a ‘planetary database’, but the topic was so upsetting that any kind of joy felt obscene right then. “It was… another terrorist attack, honestly.  They weren’t unusual, as terrifying as that is - I mean, you admitted yourself that not all of us were worth saving.  There was a petrochemical hack maybe five years before this one, and the attacks had been ramping up slowly even before that.  But this one.”  I shook my head trying to clear the thoughts from my head. “What we were told is that this group knew we would never take action against climate change, something about how the rich corporate would never take it seriously until they had to actually live in the nature they were destroying.”

“You are doubtful of this.” Noah’s statement was far from being a question.

Couldn’t blame him, since I didn’t believe half of what we had been told, or maybe that it was only half the story. “I wasn’t old enough to remember, but it is a recorded fact that there were actual people on Earth who had more wealth than any single country on the planet, and one was particularly known for building his fortune on the backs of employees who were worked to death or nearly to death.  It’s hard to believe that had nothing to do with it, you know.”

“If being reminded of this event causes such distress among your people, why run so many tests?”

“The hack killed people, Noah. It destroyed entire small countries, caused a lot of violence and wars. The ultra-rich may have been the targets, but the casualties were mostly people who never knew what was happening.  We want to make sure it can’t happen again.  That’s why we warn everyone what’s going on, so they know it’s not the same thing, but still do the testing.”

More clattering of vomu signaled Noah thinking again. “Your global economy depended strongly on the concept of wealth and the concept of money.  But with the current economic model you exercise, such a data security breach would not impact it.”

I shrugged. “We still worry. Not to mention the fact that, at some point, someone may try. We can try all we want to avoid the catalyst of the original events, but some of our better qualities can be just as terrible with just a twist.  Curiosity, confidence, and justice and easily turn into pride, vindictiveness, and prying. Which can lead to blackmail. And that’s just one example. Still sure we’re worth it?”

Another thoughtful buzz with some mild clicking. “I have seen your people endeavor to save a species that could have destroyed you.  I have seen you, specifically, mourn someone who deliberately attempted to end not only your life but the lives of the entire Ark.  There is much evidence to give us faith in your compassion.”

All I could do was shake my head. “I’ll try to have faith in your faith,” I murmured with a weak smile.

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#the miys #found family #humans are weird #science fiction #aliens #apocalypse #humans are space orcs #humans are space fae #earth is space australia #post apocalypse #post post apocalypse #original science fiction #original sci fi #original writing

[inky-duchess]

Things Writers can learn from Scream

The Scream Franchise though it does have its flaws is actually one of my favourite film sagas. Wes Craven's features have taught teenagers around the world how to avoid slaughter from a masked fiend but as writers what can we learn from the master of horror himself?

Being Meta

Meta is the termed coined for when a particular work takes an opportunity to comment on its genre. Scream is a whole film that spends its entire run poking fun at the horror genre itself. The characters lampshade clichés (Randy has this role over the main trilogy), insult their foils in similar works (Sidney roasting all other final girls as big breasted bimbos for example) and the whole work is unafraid to really poke fun at itself. The comments on the genre, characters and story itself are refreshing but meta references are like salt, too much spoils any dish. Though the concept of Scream is a meta commentary on the horror genre as a whole, the films know when to quit. There is no point beating the audience over the head with commentary. If your story is a journey, any meta reference is a treat of some McDonald's. If you as a writer, chooses to comment on the genre you're currently writing or want to make comment on real world issues, there is nobody stopping you but coose your battles.

Genre Rules

So Scream runs on a very simple formula. Each film follow a series of rules, lampshading that very horror film/ trilogy + reboot does indeed follow formulas. For example- Rules to succesfully survive a horror movie: Never have sex (virgins usually survive these situations). Never drink or do drugs. You will nearly always die if you say "I'll be right back", "Hello?" or "Who's there?". Sequels- The body count (or volume of action) is always bigger. The death scenes (plot points) are always much more elaborate. Never assume the Killer/villain is defeated. The final chapter of a trilogy- The Killer (antagonist) will be more difficult to defeat. Anyone can die (the stakes will go up). The past will bite you in the ass (the past will catch up with a character or prove to be the undoing of the antagonist). Remakes- Don't fuck with the original. As writers, we have to face the truth- all genres have rules and expectations. Don't clock yourself for being unoriginal if your WIP falls into a category. But that doesn't mean we are constrain. You have rules in the genre but that doesn't mean you can't bend them. Sidney has sex in the first film, Randy drinks at the party, Gale says "I'll be back", even Joel the camera guy lampshading that diverse characters don't often make it through to the climax. The audience expects them to die and they are spared, which is a refreshing turn of events.

Red Herring

Scream is also a whodunit at heart. Ghostface is a persona taken on by many antagonists over the four films. Most of the films keep up the suspense by teasing characters as the possible killer. Red herrings is a literary trick devised to mislead the audience and sometimes characters from deducing the truth too easily. In the first film, we are given more than our fair share of red herrings. The most masterful red herring is Billy Loomis. The film makes a hard go of planting the idea that he is the killer: a phone falls out of his pocket after Ghostface has chased Sidney around the house, a tendency appear when Ghostface has suddenly vanished from a crime scene, and acts so creepy, that the audience assumes he isn't actually the killer and the writers are trying to distract us. It all comes to a head when Ghostface stabs him during the final bloodbath right after Sidney plants one last seed of doubt in our heads. While Sidney runs around trying not to die, the audience and no doubt Sidney, feels bad for doubting Billy. But in a twist, he has faked his death and is one of two killers. Multiple characters over the franchise are used as red herrings: the overzealous blade happy Principal Himbry, Dewey who is nearly always absent when Ghostface calls, Derek who is a red Herring by default because we naturally suspect the boyfriend after Billy, Kincaid's knowledge of horror and his popping up odd times, Deputy Judy for her creepy behavior and knowledge of the prior crimes, Billy-Loomis-expy Trevor in Scream 4. Make the audience look left while you hit them from the right. 

Pov trick Shots

So I've spoken about how much I love multiple POVs and all the tricks you can play with them. And Scream 2 provides the best example. All throughout the film, reporters gather about our characters trying to get interviews. Gale and Cotton are both approached by Debbie Salt, a seemingly nondescript background character who is likely there to get killed for entertainment value. Then comes the climax and she strides into view carrying a gun. The audience and Fake don't understand at first but Sidney sure does and she would, as Debbie Salt is Mrs. Loomis. Sid could recognise Mrs Loomis despite her lost weight (Gale only clicks after the fact) but Sidney never meets Mrs Loomis until the end of the film.  Had she met her before or stumbled across her, the film would be over in seconds most likely.

Foreshadowing

Foreshadowing is when the events of a story are lampshades before they happen. Scream is one of the top works that does this well. On the topic of Mrs Loomis, she is foreshadowed so heavily that it almost is laughable when you rewatch it: Randy says that the killer could be somebody other than a white male citing Mrs Vorhees as his prime example (Mrs Loomis is the first Ghostface's mom), Randy is then rather savagely slain in a frenzied attack in broad daylight after badmouthing Billy and then she even foreshadows her own identity by claiming before other reporters that the new Ghostface could be from Woodsboro. In Scream 3, Randy's sister - who we didn't know existed- suddenly shows up with all the answers foreshadowing the reveal that Roman is Sidney's half brother and holds the answers to why all the killings happened. In Scream, Randy jokingly tells Stu that he'll see him in the kitchen with a knife after flaunting the 'I'll be right back' rule - and Stu ends up there, wielding a knife.

Characters

The thing with franchises like this, is that they often bring in new characters to surround the main character as they go through their travails. In the first Scream, Sidney has Tatum, Stu, Billy and Randy as friends. We see them interact with Sidney and other characters, they have personalities and their deaths actually impact us. Each of these characters shine on their own though Tatum is perhaps the flattest of the first group of friends but her rapport with Sidney and Dewey saves her and makes her death impactful. The background characters of Scream 2, we're introduced to Hallie, Derek and Mikey. Mikey did not have enough screen time for the audience to attach themselves to, he's merely as Randy puts it "the creepy film student". Hallie can only be seen around Sidney and does little except support Sidney. Derek does venture out of his supporting role, with having a goal (winning Sidney's trust), having a personality (his humour with his song) and being seen without Sidney (when the frat kidnap him). In Scream 4, almost every supporting character is ridiculously clichéd. You have the douchey guy (Trevor), the nerd (Robbie/Charlie), the edgy cool girl (Kirby), the pretty one (Olivia). The only one who makes any sort of impact is Kirby for showing us some personality and her death is actually hurtful. If you're going to introduce new characters to a story, they cannot be statuesque. They are people too. They need drive, personalities, lives outside the MC's life, goals of their own and should be seen acting as independent entities if they are to be taken seriously as characters.

#Things Writers can learn from Scream #things writers can learn #Scream #sidney prescott #billy loomis #Ghostface #Wes craven #woodsboro #Dewey O'Reilly #gale weathers #Maureen prescott #writing #writing resources #writing reference #writing advice #writer #writeblr #writer's problems #spilled words #writer's life #characters #Foreshadowing #Red herring #Pov tricks #support character

[arctic-comet]

Osblaineweek2021, Day 2: Prose

I love book quotes. Looking at quotes is one of my favorite ways to to inspire myself to write more fic.

Here’s a small collection of book quotes (and recs!) of where I’ve “found” June and Nick.

This post contains spoilers for the following books/series:

- Lover Mine by JR Ward

- The Wrath and The Dawn duology by Renée Ahdieh

- A Court of Thorns and Roses series by Sarah J. Maas

Lover Mine by J.R. Ward

Summary:

John Matthew has come a long way since he was found living among humans, his vampire nature unknown to himself and to those around him. After he was taken in by the Brotherhood, no one could guess what his true history was- or his true identity. Indeed, the fallen Brother Darius has returned, but with a different face and a very different destiny. As a vicious personal vendetta takes John into the heart of the war, he will need to call up on both who he is now and who he once was in order to face off against evil incarnate. Xhex, a symphath assassin, has long steeled herself against the attraction between her and John Matthew. Having already lost one lover to madness, she will not allow the male of worth to fall prey to the darkness of her twisted life. When fate intervenes, however, the two discover that love, like destiny, is inevitable between soul mates.

It's basically a paranormal love story between two warriors. He's really young (although he's actually a reincarnation of a very old vampire warrior, but he doesn't know that), and she's like 300 years older than him. In this book, she's been raped and abused by a guy who also used to bully him. She escapes, but he saves her life. She's hungry for revenge and wants to die after achieving that goal, but of course eventually changes her mind. In the end he actually serves her rapist to her on a silver platter so that she can kill him (sound like anyone we know?). He literally holds the guy down while she kills him.

They're my ultimate favorite ship in this series, and IMO their relationship eventually develops into one of the strongest ones. This series is a bit of a hit-or-miss for most people, because the language and the writing style are pretty ridiculous in all seriousness. If you decide to read this, I recommend starting the series from the beginning because John and Xhex meet for the first time several books before this one, LOL.

Here are some of the quotes that make me think of Nick and June:

“Besides, the story of the two of them was written in the language of collision; they were ever crashing into each other and ricocheting away—only to find themselves pulled back into another impact.” ― J.R. Ward, Lover Mine

“As his ears rang and his heart broke for her, he stayed strong against the gale force she let loose. After all, there was a reason why here and hear were seperated by so little and sounded one like the other. Bearing witness to her, he heard her and was there for her because that was all you could do during a fall apart. But God, it pained him to see how she suffered.” ― J.R. Ward, Lover Mine

“...the only thing that had tethered her to the earth had been him and it was strange, but she felt welded to him on some core level now. He had seen her at her absolute worst, at her weakest and most insane, and he hadn't looked away. He hadn't judged and he hadn't been burned. It was as if in the heat of her meltdown they had melted together. This was more than emotion. It was a matter of soul.” ― J.R. Ward, Lover Mine

The Wrath and the Dawn duology by Renée Ahdieh

Summary:

One Life to One Dawn. In a land ruled by a murderous boy-king, each dawn brings heartache to a new family. Khalid, the eighteen-year-old Caliph of Khorasan, is a monster. Each night he takes a new bride only to have a silk cord wrapped around her throat come morning. When sixteen-year-old Shahrzad's dearest friend falls victim to Khalid, Shahrzad vows vengeance and volunteers to be his next bride. Shahrzad is determined not only to stay alive, but to end the caliph's reign of terror once and for all. Night after night, Shahrzad beguiles Khalid, weaving stories that enchant, ensuring her survival, though she knows each dawn could be her last. But something she never expected begins to happen: Khalid is nothing like what she'd imagined him to be. This monster is a boy with a tormented heart. Incredibly, Shahrzad finds herself falling in love. How is this possible? It's an unforgivable betrayal. Still, Shahrzad has come to understand all is not as it seems in this palace of marble and stone. She resolves to uncover whatever secrets lurk and, despite her love, be ready to take Khalid's life as retribution for the many lives he's stolen. Can their love survive this world of stories and secrets?

This is a young adult fantasy romance, and basically, Khalid is a lot like Nick. He’s made mistakes that he needs to own, but at the same time he’s forced to commit atrocities he doesn’t want to do. He hates himself and doesn’t believe himself to be worthy of love, and yet he falls in love with Shazi. He's viewed as the villain of the story by everyone aside from Shazi and a few other characters until almost the end of the 2nd book.

“I love you, a thousand times over. And I will never apologize for it.”

―Renee Ahdieh, The Wrath and the Dawn

“It’s a fitting punishment for a monster. to want something so much—to hold it in your arms — and know beyond a doubt you will never deserve it.”

― Renee Ahdieh, The Wrath and the Dawn

“When I was a boy, my mother would tell me that one of the best things in life is the knowledge that our story isn't over yet. Our story may have come to a close, but your story is still yet to be told.

Make it a story worthy of you”

― Renee Ahdieh, The Wrath and the Dawn

“In that moment of perfect balance, she understood. This peace? These worries silenced without effort? It was because they were two parts of a whole. He did not belong to her. And she did not belong to him. It was never about belonging to someone. It was about belonging together.”

― Renee Ahdieh, The Rose & the Dagger

“A boy who'd thrived in the shadows.

Now he had to live in the light.

To live . . . fiercely.

To fight for every breath.”

― Renee Ahdieh, The Rose & the Dagger

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas

Summaries:

Book 1

Feyre's survival rests upon her ability to hunt and kill – the forest where she lives is a cold, bleak place in the long winter months. So when she spots a deer in the forest being pursued by a wolf, she cannot resist fighting it for the flesh. But to do so, she must kill the predator and killing something so precious comes at a price ... Dragged to a magical kingdom for the murder of a faerie, Feyre discovers that her captor, his face obscured by a jewelled mask, is hiding far more than his piercing green eyes would suggest. Feyre's presence at the court is closely guarded, and as she begins to learn why, her feelings for him turn from hostility to passion and the faerie lands become an even more dangerous place. Feyre must fight to break an ancient curse, or she will lose him forever.

Book 2

Feyre survived Amarantha's clutches to return to the Spring Court—but at a steep cost. Though she now has the powers of the High Fae, her heart remains human, and it can't forget the terrible deeds she performed to save Tamlin's people. Nor has Feyre forgotten her bargain with Rhysand, High Lord of the feared Night Court. As Feyre navigates its dark web of politics, passion, and dazzling power, a greater evil looms—and she might be key to stopping it. But only if she can harness her harrowing gifts, heal her fractured soul, and decide how she wishes to shape her future—and the future of a world cleaved in two. With more than a million copies sold of her beloved Throne of Glass series, Sarah J. Maas's masterful storytelling brings this second book in her seductive and action-packed series to new heights.

Fantasy romance with explicit sex scenes, and book 2 is a lot better than book 1. Our main character Feyre falls for a really boring fae guy, but also meets the hottest guy she’s ever known. The first guy of course isn't the real love interest (this is a twist this author loves to do). They all end up as prisoners, and the 2nd guy saves her life when the 1st one is totally useless. He also makes her hate him as he does it because he has to. After getting out, she tries to make her old relationship work, but it doesn’t, and guess who swoops in?

I do see some Nick in Rhysand (in addition to his role in the love triangle). They’re both traumatized and prefer to keep a lot of their feelings to themselves. I also see some of the same selflessness in both of them. Rhysand wants Feyre to choose him because she loves him, but he’s willing to accept that she may not, and doesn’t tell her that they’re pretty much destined to be together (it’s a supernatural thing, and he will suffer a lot if she decides she doesn’t want him).

“Everything I love has always had a tendency to be taken from me.”

―Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Thorns and Roses

“It took me a long while to realize that Rhysand, whether he knew it or not, had effectively kept me from shattering completely.”

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Thorns and Roses

“Regardless of his motives or his methods, Rhysand was keeping me alive. And had done so even before I set foot Under the Mountain.”

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Thorns and Roses

“Because," he went on, his eyes locked with mine, "I didn't want you to fight alone. Or die alone."

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Thorns and Roses

“He thinks he'll be remembered as the villain in the story. But I forgot to tell him that the villain is usually the person who locks up the maiden and throws away the key. He was the one who let me out.”

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury

“And I wondered if love was too weak a word for what he felt, what he’d done for me. For what I felt for him.”

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury

“I was his and he was mine, and we were the beginning and middle and end. We were a song that had been sung from the very first ember of light in the world.”

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury

#osblaineweek2021 #osblaine #the handmaid’s tale #nick x june

[anika-ann]

A Cup of Truth (S.R)

Type: One-shot, a bit of coffee shop AU

Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem!reader    Word Count: 3000

Summary: Your favourite pretty blond comes in every day to get a cup of good ol’ joe. You flirt on occasion; mostly you, because your suit of armour – which people boringly call an apron – and his smiles give you confidence.

When the band of dumb goons picks your damn workplace to attack, your confidence flies out of the window. Well. Good thing that the resident Avenger heroes save the day including the one in his all-American star-spangled glory.

Prompt: “You can’t mask that ass. I’d know it anywhere.” (Bold in the text)

Warnings: hostage situation, violence, non-consensual drug use/injected, hospitals, slightly crack-ish humour (?) and some fluff

A/N: For marvelcapsicle’s challenge. Thank you for letting me participate, darling, may you gain more and more sweet followers in the future ♥

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Here’s a thing: Steve Rogers had a lot of fight in him. Before or after injected with the serum, no matter his shirt size, no matter if he could swing his fists effectively or not, he would punch bullies in their face.

When it came to people close to his heart, that rule amplified tenfold. No one touched the people he cared for. And while he would not necessarily call all of them friends, he would go rabid should any harm come their way.

To be fair, the list of ‘his people’ who were still alive wasn’t long; he could almost count them on the fingers of one hand. Tony. Natasha. Clint. Thor. Bruce. Probably Fury. Really, his circle was a bit monotonous, people who could protect themselves just fine at most times, but simultaneously with high-risk job of being the first defence line for the world’s greatest threats.

And then there was you.

You, with your inviting smile whenever he appeared at your counter at the café he had discovered during his endless walks.

You, handing him a drink different to his usual ‘boring’ cup of joe once a week, because that was the deal you had offered and Steve, caught in his curiosity about today’s world and your adorable challenging expression, agreed.

You, with your pretty eyes, irises twinkling at his attempts at flirting, no matter how awkward and out-of-time they sounded, graciously returning the favour… if he was reading the situation right.

You, always grinning wide when discovering a doodle he had left on his napkin, taking it with you back to the counter.

You, blissfully unaware of his double life, genuine in your demeanour, dealing with plain old Steve Rogers, and perfectly safe; at least as safe as one could be on Manhattan.

You in a headlock, as five rogue SHIELD agents decided to crash into the café you worked at of all the damn places, choosing it with deadly precision and nearly driving the poor Captain America into a cardiac arrest.

Not that you had any idea your life mattered to the proclaimed Star-Spangled Man more than anyone else’s. You were the exception to the rule; you were the precious outsider Steve caught feelings for, the one that was not supposed to learn about his other persona for at least a while longer and sure as hell was not supposed to get herself in a mess like this one.

Steve stood frozen as Natasha had two men at gunpoint, Clint fighting another, the last one having been already knocked down by Steve himself. The only injured people were the few customers, scarce at the hour, and the employees; some bruises and insignificant bleeding wounds between all of them.

The worst problem still remained; Perez had his arm around your neck, visibly squeezing your windpipe at least partly if the colour of your face – one stained in tears and Steve could kill at the moment, kill with no remorse – was anything to go by.

He gripped his shield tighter, staring the man down with his jaw clenched and his heart beating its way out of his chest, the syringe at your carotid scaring him more than the reduced airflow to your lungs.

“It’s over, Perez! Let her- let the woman go,” Steve howled, knees slightly bend in posture allowing him to spring forward at any second, to throw his weapon, to punch the living daylight of the bastard that not only betrayed SHIELD, but put his hands on you.

Big, big mistake. He really shouldn’t have done that.

“I like her exactly where she is, Cap,” Perez snarled, a wicked smile on his bloody lips, only his eyes giving away a fraction of his fear. “Move and she gets a ticket straight to hell.”

Perez was outnumbered and he knew it; even if he managed to escape, they would find him easily with Tony Stark’s system of surveillance. Yet, he tightened his grip and with you involuntarily acting like a human shield for him, he started backing away, gaze flickering between the three present Avengers.

Natasha’s right arm twitched as if she wanted to shoot him on spot – but she didn’t want to risk leaving the other two without the threat of immediate death for even a second.

And then several things happened at once; Clint knocked his opponent down with the construction of his bow; Perez who saw it lost his nerve and swiftly slammed the needle into your neck, piercing your skin easily, as easily as Steve’s panicked shout ripped from his throat.

The next second, an arrow was sticking from Perez’ shoulder as he jerked back with a cry of pain and Clint put another arrow through his hand, adding one to his thigh for a good measure. Two gunshots sounded in the background, Natasha’s aim as unmistakable as ever.

Perez fell to the ground with a scream, not even reaching for the gun in his holster before Steve was there to knock him out with a brutal hit straight to his face with his vibranium shield. The crack sounding at the impact was like music to Steve’s ears, the blood spurting from Perez’ nose a pleasant visual.

Yet, it didn’t feel half as satisfactory as Steve hoped as you had stumbled and toppled over your own feet. He barely managed to slow down your fall, gloved palm shooting up under the spot between your shoulder blades, his other hand holding your shoulder. He supported your enfeebled weight as you practically lied over the unconscious man.

Steve didn’t bother paying attention to his surroundings, knowing that the noise around him was Romanoff and Barton apprehending the remaining thugs. Instead, his gaze scanned you head to toe, focusing on your face and neck when he couldn’t find any other injury.

You were pale, eyes misted, unfocused, skin worryingly cold to his touch.

“Hey-- hey! Can you hear me?” Steve demanded urgently, lightly patting your cheek.

At that, your pupils zeroed on him, wide with disbelief, and to his immense shock, a lazy smile spread on your lips.

“Steve?” you breathed out his name and blood crystalized in his veins, his heart, already panicking, speeding up. How did you know his name? Perhaps the drug, the whatever liquid in the syringe was taking effect and you were turning delirious? Shit, they needed a doctor-- “You’re the pretty blond. Steve. My flirty Steve… my hero. Everyone’s hero.”

Steve’s horror escalated with each word. Good news: you were still breathing and apparently quite lucid, even if your speech was more of a mumble. Bad news: his secret identity just blew up.

Luckily, he considered the good news much more important; and lucid he would like to keep you, so he shot Natasha and Clint a meaningful glare, wordlessly asking them to call help. He wasn’t sure whether it registered because both of the spies were staring at him wide-eyed as the woman in his arms just outed him like the café’s regular… one that flirted with her, no less.

Steve cleared his throat, focusing on his mission – to keep you talking. There was no much point in denying it, was it?

“Eh... yeah, it’s me. How-how did you know? I wear a mask-“

“Muscly… real muscly… and that ass,” you muttered and Steve nearly choked on his spit, certain that he just turned red all over, including the area you pointed out.

Wait, did that mean that you had been checking him out?

So not important right now.

“Oh, uhm- how are you feeling? We have to-“

“You can’t mask that ass. I’d know it anywhere,” you continued babbling as if you hadn’t heard him and Steve gulped, feeling his teammates, who still hadn’t called a doctor, what the actual hell- watching you with interest. ”…could bounce a penny off it… no, that ain’t right, a quarter off of it, that’s it… Dream of it sometimes… biting-“

Clint coughed loudly to cover his laughter, finally springing into action after that uncomfortable remark that gave Steve quite a visual he wasn’t sure how he felt about just yet.

“Alright, as amusing as this is, we should get her some medical attention…”

Steve only took his eyes off of you for a moment, shooting Barton a look that screamed ‘You think?!’

“I want to touch it… please lemme touch it—just once,” you pleaded quietly, swaying even in your practically horizontal position, straining your neck to catch a glimpse of the object of your interest. “The best I’ve even seen-“

“I think it’s ethanol she got injected with…” Natasha announced, sniffing the syringe with disgust in her voice. “High concentration.”

And Steve felt like he just got hit by Thor’s hammer… in his head. Seriously?

“…alcohol?” he asked, dumbstruck and utterly relieved, the heavy weight in his stomach lifting a bit. “You think she’s merely… drunk?”

“Well, alcohol straight to the bloodstream is seriously nasty on its own, S-“

“Alcohol nasty, yesss. And this really hurts,” your voice interrupted Natasha and Steve’s heart clenched uncomfortably when the surprised grimace appeared on your face, your eyes indeed clouding in pain, looking up at him, doe-eyed, so vulnerable and trusting.

“Hey, no sad Steeb! Your eyes pretty too. Little pictures you draw… so suuuper cute. I like your hair. You came in the day, wind blew, so messy-- like bed hair, wanna try top that-- I betcha I can do better-“

“Sounds drunk enough to you?” Natasha hummed casually and Steve didn’t even have to look at her to know she was smirking, while he was both fretting over your state and blushing to the roots of his hair because of your blunt compliments and unfiltered fantasies.

You turned your head slowly to Nat as she spoke, a crooked grin curling up your lips. “Hey, you’re pretty too-“

Much to Steve’s annoyance, the Russian spy had the audacity to chuckle and wink at you.

“Why thank you-“

“But prefer blonds,” you babbled again, lowering your voice conspiratorially. “He’s real nice. His biceps are like… huge. Bigger than my head-- ow, my head… spi-spinning- I think-? Whoa— oh… “

Steve called out your name in panic as you went limp in his arms, your body pliant, folding like a house of cards.

“I like her,” Clint noted as he jogged to Steve’s side, kneeling to take your pulse on the unharmed carotid with a furrow to his brows. “The medics are on their way, she’ll hold on until then.”

Steve sighed in relief when Clint nodded in affirmation again, feeling your heart still beating.

Steve’s grip on your tightened, hand sliding behind your head to cradle it gently rather than letting it dangle in such unnatural angle. He manoeuvred it so your cheek rested against his chest, his newly free hand sneaking under your knees so he could lift you with ease as he stood up.

“Nice, Rogers. Keep going like this, squads with weights, and you’ll keep that exceptional ass of yours in shape,” Natasha teased him, but when he turned to glare at her, she gave him a soft smile and beckoned towards your nearly motionless body. “She’ll be okay. Let’s go get her some help.”

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Your head was pounding. The right side of your neck was itchy as hell and felt extremely stiff. The beeping sounding in your ears was a thing from nightmares, echoing in your aching skull.

You felt like shit and honestly, you could cry when you tried to open your eyes and the sharp light hit them, making you swiftly close them again.

A realization slowly crept at you that there was a presence of an intrusive smell too, making you want to puke— or was that just the brutal hangover? Because you felt unbelievably hungover on top of everything. The world seemed to be spinning even behind your closed eyelids and you couldn’t but groan, deciding to only curse the universe mentally since your throat resembled a Sahara Desert.

“Oh, hey gorgeous,” a female voice greeted you from your left and you snapped your eyes open with a startle, staring with shock at the beautiful redhead sitting by your bedside.

For few long seconds, you wondered if you died and went to heaven, because there was a non-descript angelic-like creature watching over you.  You quickly brushed that thought aside, because there was no way Heaven looked like a hospital room and provided you with such shitty sensations attacking your poor body.

So you asked the only logical question, ignoring the dryness of your mouth which soon cause you to cough.

“…who are you?”

A plastic cup with a heavenly cold liquid landed in front of you, the straw sticking from it directed to your lips as the stunning woman frowned discontentedly.

“Oh, you don’t remember?” she asked, seemingly hurt. “My heart is breaking! You told me I was pretty.”

You blinked slowly, finally adjusting to the light, finally able to talk without pain (that much pain, that was) and your head started pounding some more, embarrassment filling every fibre of your being.

What the- oh god, you had really got drunk, hadn’t you, and now you had a total blackout on what you had been up to in your questionable state.

“Eeeer… I did? I mean, you are… but-“

“But you prefer blonds, yeah, I know,” the mysterious woman finished your sentence to her liking and your eyes went wide. How did she- and who was she again, sitting in your hospital room like that? Had you really got so smashed that you didn’t remember her when you should have? When had you met? Shit, your mind was so foggy… “And you think Steve’s a bit prettier. And his ass is the best you’ve ever seen, so I get it…”

“The hell?!” you squealed in utter horror, sitting up straight as the words registered, a flash of blue, red and white flickering in the back of your mind, followed by a sharp stung in your temples. A nauseatingly strong pain resembling an intense cramp – only like ten times worse – shot up your neck as you moved so quickly, ripping a startled yelp from your throat.

A hazy image of the café you worked at blended into a picture Steve’s beautiful eyes – did this woman know your regular, your handsome flirty blond regular? –, sensation of gentle hands cradling your jaw, a sting in your neck—

“You need to be careful with how much you move. Your neck took quite a hit, they had to perform a surgery on you, you got a transfusion. They worried about your brain too. They’ve been monitoring you for four days now and this is the first time you’re awake,” your stranger explained patiently, voice full of compassion.

Your hand involuntarily rose to massage the incriminated place, still unsure of what the woman was talking about, the images in your brain confusing the hell out of you. You still had no idea who she was, but her face was starting to feel a bit familiar – you assumed that whatever had happened, she had been there too, possibly helping you.

And there was something in her green eyes, cautious yet somewhat calming, making it easy to trust her for some inexplicable reason.

“Steve’s gonna be pissed at me for missing it,” she added and grinned. “I made him leave to take care of himself before he could actually start taking roots in here. He’s been worried too. A lot.”

The amount of question marks in your head just doubled, but at the same time, your heart fluttered. Steve had visited you? Often, apparently? That was really, really sweet of him. The thought of him guarding you – and didn’t he have a physique of a bodyguard, once mentioning he was in private security when asked –, brought a dreamy smile to your face.

Perhaps it wasn’t only about flirting for him either…?

“Keep looking so lovestruck and I might forgive him that he hasn’t mention you before. Though I guess I can’t blame him, wanting to keep— anyway. I’m Natasha. Nice to meet you,” she extended her hand towards you at last and you automatically accepted it, telling her your name in return.

Even though that was probably beside the point seeing as she had been found at your bedside in a hospital.

“Hi, Natasha. Nice to meet you too… I think.”

The redhead burst out into a quiet laughter at your hesitance. “Fair enough. After Steve comes back and explains what exactly happened – because it’s not quite my place to tell you –, call me back for the good details. It’s fun to make him blush.”

Despite just only having met this woman, you decided that you kinda liked her and nodded in acceptance of her offer. Steve might be sweet – perhaps even sweet on you it seemed – but some harmless teasing could never hurt. Not when it apparently had something to do with his glorious ass.

⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊰

Here’s a thing: Steve Rogers had a lot of fight in him. Before injected with the serum or after, no matter his shirt size, no matter if he could swing his fists effectively or not, he would fight for what mattered.

His teammates and friends certainly fell into the category. The somewhat relationship he had been trying to build with you was right there with them, definitely worth fighting for.

So, after revealing his identity – an action which become inevitable at that point, really – he had a delicate confession to make and a bold question to ask in an almost shy voice. He still asked it, because he would be damned if he gave up on you.

You said yes, your confession about certain harboured feelings matching his.

You said yes, you would like to go out with him very much, because you liked him too.

And no, it wasn’t just because he owned the best backside you had ever seen. Steve Rogers was, according to you, quite memorable and worth fighting for in general too.

(Steve, over time, might have developed a bit of a love-hate relationship with the fact you were getting along with Natasha so well. It was good news and bad news at the same time, seeing as it often resulted in the two of you teaming up against him. Once again, the good news won him over… because he simply loved how easily you fit into his world and how surprisingly well he fit into yours.)

⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊰

S.R. masterlist

⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊰

Thank you for reading :-*

It’s once a again a bit different from my usual writing; it’s short (like wtf me? short?) and it’s with a quote that is hard to do justice to... so I hope you liked it at leats a bit. Feedback always appreciated :-*

#marvel #fanfiction #steve rogers x reader #captain america x reader #steve rogers fanfic #steve rogers x you #steve rogers imagine #captain america x you #captain america imagine #captain america #steve rogers #steve rogers fanfiction #captain america fanfic #captain america fanfiction #writing challenge #mcu #avengers #avengers fanfiction #steve rogers one-shot #natasha romanoff #clint barton #reader insert #a cup of truth #anika ann

[hurricanery]

If the Sun Comes Up - pt. 2

A/N: Here’s part 2 of If the Sun Comes Up! (AU- interns fic). Thank u thank u thank u for the nice messages about the first chapter, your messages and replies seriously warm my lil heart. I’m still basically planting seeds for some future plot points here, but I hope you enjoy anyway <3

You can read part 1 here.

_______

And if the sun comes up, if the sun comes up, if the sun comes up

And I still don't wanna stagger home

Then it's the memory of our betters

That are keeping us on our feet

_______

Everything’s different when the sun comes up. It all comes to light in a different way. The sun rises, and reality settles in. Like sleep is some magic reset button. And all of the thoughts and decisions, all of the fun, all of the mischief, it all seems worlds away. Like that was then, and this is now.

A funny thing happens though, when that reset button gets skipped. When there is no sleep, and no separation of night and day. When you stay awake for 24 hours straight and you watch the sun come up in real time; you watch the sun rise twice in fact, and there isn’t that detachment. It all flows together like a never-ending moment.

It’s strange, Amelia thinks, to have no reset button. To sacrifice the idea of choosing sleep. Because instead of calling it quits after two sunrises, she finds herself in a bar, of all places, sitting across from the people she’d met just 24 hours ago.

“I’m sooo happy you’re moving in with me,” Maggie yawns hugely next to her. And Amelia bites down on a smile at the confession; at what no sleep and a slim two beers has done to this previously panic-stricken intern. The intern that was currently dealing with the impact of being related to a Grey.

Except the panic isn’t worth it. Because there isn’t any fallout. Lexie practically laughs until she cries, when it all comes to light. When Maggie finally lets it slip about who her birth mother is. Between the delirious fits of laughter, all Lexie can manage is a “good luck telling Meredith that.”

And it only gets more chaotic.

There’s no reset for all of the sleep-deprived decisions. Lexie and Jo, in an impressive and almost falsely confident manner, venture off towards the bar, where a handful of residents and attendings claim territory. The rest of the newly formed crew stick together, in their quiet corner of the bar.

Amelia can feel Link’s eyes on her from across the booth as she brings a warm mug of tea to her lips. But her eyes remain glued down, staring down at the crumpled tea packet on the table. One of those cheap brands. Cheap because it’s a rare request in a place like this. The kind of drink that ends up taking longer for the bartender to make. More time-consuming to prepare than one of those fancy cocktails even, because it ends up that the bartender has to go search in the stock room for a tea bag in the first place.

Her thoughts are interrupted when a strong hand occupies her line of vision. It’s jolting, to say the least. For her focus to be intruded on like that. The tea packet she’d been so comfortably resting her eyes on, now suddenly consumed by Link’s grasp. He covers it completely, picking it up and further crumpling it in his fist before dropping it back down on the table.

The action forces Amelia to look at him. Which is probably his intention, anyway. So she does, and it’s equally as jolting. His expression. Because she’s half expecting it to mirror the harshness of a crumpled tea packet. But it doesn’t. It’s warm. And it’s soft. And it’s slightly curious.

“You should all move in with me.” Maggie’s voice chimes in.

And Amelia rips her gaze away from Link’s.

“Okay, slow down there,” she lets out an amused exhalation. “You were barely on board with the idea of me moving in.”

Winston playfully nudges Maggie’s side, from where he’s seated on the other side of her. And Amelia doesn’t miss the way his hand settles just above Maggie’s knee. The interaction stands out to her, and she decides she’s going to bookmark it for later. Revisit it perhaps when everyone’s feeling more awake and alert.

“Who should all move where?” Lexie slides into the booth next to Link, eyes wide with naivety as she sips a full drink.

“My apartment,” Maggie responds matter-of-factly. “I have one more room open.”

Amelia scrunches her nose at this, and she staggers through her confusion. “Wait. Just one more? What happened, I thought-”

“Well, I already promised a room to Link….” Maggie’s voice is laced with exhaustion and something else, as she turns to explain to Amelia. “When you were in the bathroom….I told him, I-” She hiccups slightly, abandoning her sentence. And Amelia tilts her head to the side quizzically. “Anyway,” Maggie gestures across the booth towards Link. “Meet your new roommate.”

Amelia’s gaze returns to Link, and he shrugs somewhat defensively, muttering under his breath, “Sorry.”

But Amelia doesn’t feel sorry. She feels something else. The notion rises in her chest, and she wants to label it as anticipation.

“Okay, but I have to get out of Meredith’s house!” Lexie slams her drink down on the table. “I’m living with a bunch of residents.”

There’s unanimous murmurs of condolence from the group.

“Oh! Speaking of….” She continues, picking her drink back up and nodding towards the bar. “The plastics attending….Mark Sloan? Just bought me this drink.”

“Ugh,” Amelia’s quick to counter. “Do not go there.”

All heads turn to her, and she feels heat rise in her face as she takes in the curious stares. When she doesn’t follow up on her previous precaution, Lexie speaks up again.

“....Have you?” Lexie swallows, a disconcerted expression on her face. “Gone there?”

Amelia doesn’t miss the way Link surveys her expression, following this particular question. She clears her throat, eyes shifting back to the crumpled tea packet.

“No, no. God no.” Her tone is low as she shakes her head dismissively. “I’ve just….known him my whole life.”

“Oh,” Lexie shrugs, taking another sip of her drink. And Amelia quickly surveys any other reactions to her response.

A general quietness falls across the table and Amelia’s eyes eventually settle back to the tea packet. She can’t quite determine why it seems to be the focal point of her evening. Or morning. Or whatever this was. She wants to claim it’s the vivid yellow packaging that keeps catching her eye.

But, her thoughts are intruded once again when Link suddenly stands up from the table. She peers up at him intently.

“Shepherd,” his tone is gentle as he starts moving away from the table. “I think I promised you a game of darts.”

Amelia blinks. Partly in confusion. But also mostly against her sudden bout of exhaustion.

“I, uh,” she mutters, turning around in her seat as she watches Link make his way around the booth.

“Come on.” He raises his eyebrows at her.

And she bites the inside of her cheek, turning around to set her mug down.

“Okay, okay,” she’s not yet facing him when she stands from the booth. “One game and then I’m out of here.” She looks pointedly at Maggie as she exits the booth. “And I can drive anyone home that needs a ride.”

Maggie offers her a toothy grin, and Winston nods in grateful agreement at the offer. Amelia steps away from the table, and tries not to mirror the smug look on Link’s face.

“One game,” she repeats.

And he chuckles a bit, proudly.

“I don’t know….” he lets her lead them across the bar, towards the wall that’s filled with dart boards and other bar games. “You’ll probably want a rematch….when I beat you the first time around.”

Amelia feigns shock at his words. But really, somewhere deep down, she’s suppressing her gratification. Because he’s feeding into her competitive side completely.

“We’ll see,” she says, as she collects the darts and starts separating them.

She hands Link his portion of the game’s pieces and he mimics her words back to her. “We’ll see.”

_______

It ends up that uninhibited decisions turn into concrete plans. Link and Lexie move into the apartment. And Amelia adheres to her pride that she was the first choice in the matter, and that everyone else just happened to follow suit.

She wakes up in the new apartment on this particular morning, and it takes her a moment to adjust to her surroundings. She groggily registers that the unfamiliar space around her is, indeed, her own bedroom.

Her alarm blares again loudly, after it’s been snoozed repeatedly for the last 15 minutes, and she aggressively shuts it off. Sitting up in bed, she throws on a cardigan before shuffling out of her room and down the hall, towards the shared space of the apartment.

“Gooood morning,” Maggie practically sings, her voice an irritating level of cheerful for the early hour.

As Amelia rounds the corner into the small kitchen area, her tired eyes settle on Maggie, where she occupies one of the stools at the counter. All she can manage to mutter is a slight “mhm,” in acknowledgement of the greeting.

She reaches into the cupboard for a mug, before filling it from the coffee pot that’s already been prepared. Once her mug is full of the steaming liquid, she turns back around to face Maggie. She leans against the counter as she brings the cup up to her nose, inhaling the scent and closing her eyes in gratitude.

The sound of Maggie’s bedroom door creaking open eventually shakes her from her blissful moment, and then her expression quickly turns to one of shocked amusement. Because her eyes settle on Winston, as he exits the bedroom and enters into the main room. He’s dressed in the same clothes he’d been wearing the day before, and Amelia looks him up and down, biting her lip in excitement, like she’s just remembered where she’s hidden the last piece of a puzzle.

“Ha,” Amelia’s delighted revelation sounds gravelly, the sleep still evident in her voice. “You don’t live here.”

She shifts her gaze to Maggie, who offers a pleading look in return. And then she looks back to Winston, who has since halted in the doorway. She can’t hold back the raspy sounding chuckle that escapes her lips. “I get it. You guys are sex friends. It all makes sense now.”

Winston scratches at the back of his neck awkwardly. And Maggie blinks, dumfounded. She stands suddenly, stepping away from the kitchen counter, like she’s desperate to remove herself from this situation.

“I’m gonna go shower. Don’t want to be late,” Maggie mutters.

Amelia just smiles further, eyes shifting playfully between the two, before she turns to walk back to her room. She raises her coffee mug slightly above her as she walks away, like she’s motioning a ‘cheers’ to the air. She tilts her head back once more in their direction, before she disappears from the kitchen, and sarcastically repeats Maggie’s greeting from before. “It is a good morning.”

Maggie rolls her eyes, but follows after her through the hallway, turning into the bathroom.

“Let me know when you’re done!” Amelia announces when she reaches her room. “I want dibs on the shower next!”

_______

Amelia finishes her coffee, and as she sets her empty mug in the sink, her impatience steadily rises.

“Maggie!” She yells, as she returns to the hallway. “You’re gonna make us late!”

There’s no response, but she hears that the shower is still on, and she even hears music coming from the bathroom. She finds the music choice odd for Maggie, and also finds it odd that Maggie is even the type of person that listens to music while she showers.

“Maggie,” she tries one more time, knocking her fist against the door.

There’s no answer.

She sighs, glancing at her watch. And then she decides to push the door open slightly, stepping into the small bathroom. “Maggie are you almost done?! I’m just going to brush my teeth real quick while you’re in there,” she announces loudly, over the music, as she reaches for her toothbrush on the sink.

“Um, not Maggie.” A surprisingly deep voice sounds from the other side of the curtain as she starts brushing her teeth.

And oh, that’s Link. “Shit, sorry! I thought you were Maggie! Wow, I just barged right in-”

“It’s fine” he interrupts, and then Amelia hears the water get shut off. “Could you, uh, actually hand me a towel though?” A dripping wet hand shoots out from behind the shower curtain and Amelia just stares at it, her toothbrush falling slack between her lips.

“Hello….? Towel?”

“Uh, right. Here.” She mutters around her toothbrush.

Blinking from her daze, she slowly reaches for a towel and hands it to him. And then suddenly the curtain is sliding open and Link is climbing out of the shower, towel around his waist, in all of his soaking wet glory. And holy shit, Amelia thinks, as she not so subtly darts her eyes around the tight space. Attempting to look anywhere but at him. She settles on turning around, and facing herself in the mirror as she makes quick movements of brushing her teeth.

She doesn’t know where the sudden panic comes from. She’s a confident person. Never timid. And somewhere, in the back of her mind, she retaliates against the idea that she’s lost any of her game. Or that she’s the one creating any awkward tension.

Link enters her line of vision through the bathroom mirror, and she feels frozen where she stands. Because, for some reason, he starts inching even closer.

He clears his throat.

“Just need to, uh, grab something…”

She practically jumps out of the way as Link reaches around her for the medicine cabinet.

“Ah, sorry. I’ll get out of your way,” she exhales a sheepish laugh at her own reaction, and tries not to cringe at the way she sounds with her mouth still full of toothpaste.

Link finally moves to exit the bathroom, and Amelia wants to sigh in relief, as she resumes her position in front of the sink. But she doesn’t. She holds back. And from her peripheral, she can see him pause in the doorway.

She turns her head in his direction. And he smirks at her before he leaves.

“Shower is all yours.”

The bathroom door clicks shut and Amelia spits harshly into the sink.

_______

Carpooling is apparently a thing they do now. They arrive at the hospital, and everyone piles out of Maggie’s car, beginning to cross the parking lot.

“Hey!” Jo’s breathless voice sounds from somewhere behind them as she locks up her own car and jogs to catch up with the group. She steps into pace with them, walking next to Link. “Whose service are you guys on today?”

“Neuro. With Shepherd,” Winston responds.

“Same here!” Lexie actually sounds excited.

“Okay, but why are we all on Shepherd’s service?” Jo mutters.

Everyone turns towards Amelia, as if she knows the reasoning behind her brother’s request. She just shrugs nonchalantly.

“Someone a little let down that they aren’t with Karev today?” Link nudges Jo playfully, and Jo feigns shock at the accusation, swatting at his shoulder.

As they enter the hospital, Amelia slows a bit behind the group, letting everyone else venture off ahead of her.

“Not excited about neuro?” She hadn’t realized Link had slowed down with her. “Not exactly my first pick either, but-”

“No, no,” she cuts in. “That’s not it.”

Link just stares at her for a moment, and Amelia almost feels scrutinized by it.

“Oh,” he continues. “Not excited about your brother, then?”

Amelia sighs, questioning to herself when they started getting so personal with each other. And then she cringes at the direction of her thoughts. Because maybe the getting too personal thing had started this morning, following the shower incident.

“That’s not exactly it, either.”

“Not exactly?” He raises his eyebrows.

“Okay, what’s with-”

“Amy Shepherd?!”

Both Link and Amelia turn around, following the voice that’s interrupted their conversation.

Mark Sloan is walking towards them full force, a huge grin on his face.

“Mark?!”

“Amy?!”

“....Amy?” Link mutters under his breath, chuckling at the nickname. And Amelia glances sideways at him in warning.

“The only person that still calls me that is Derek,” she raises her eyebrows at Mark, matching his grin.

“Well, Derek didn’t mention you were in town,” He finally approaches, and Amelia pulls him into a tight hug. They pull apart and Mark looks her up and down. “You look….different than the last time I saw you.”

“You look different, too,” she smirks.

Link looks between the pair curiously.

“And I’m not just in town,” Amelia adds as she steps out his embrace. “I work here now.”

“You work here?! Why didn’t Derek say anything…” Mark gets momentarily distracted by something, or somebody behind them. “Derek!” he yells. “Why didn’t you tell me your sister works here now?!”

Derek approaches, his demeanor reflecting his overall impatience. He completely disregards Mark’s question.

“Why do you people not answer your pages?”

“....And this conversation’s no longer entertaining. Catch up later?” Mark glances at Amelia a final time before stepping away. Then Derek turns towards his sister expectantly.

“When I requested you all on my service today, I expected punctuality.” He raises his eyebrows, and when Amelia offers no response, he continues. “I have a patient being admitted today. She’s had a sudden onset of seizures. We don’t know the cause. But we need to figure out the cause.”

There’s slight hesitation at his instructions.

“Okay, you! Dr….” his eyes shift down to glance over Link’s ID badge. “Dr. Lincoln. I want you to grab the rest of the interns and head to the library. Starting now, you all are in charge of research. Anything, I mean anything, you can find on this. Case studies, research papers, all of it. Just….find something for me.”

Link nods respectively, and he begins to turn towards Amelia.

“And Amy,” Derek’s eyes settle on hers, in an almost disdainful way. “You’re with the patient.”

Amelia is stunned for a moment, her mouth hanging open in disbelief.

“You want me to do what, exactly?” She steps forward towards Derek, who mutters under his breath in frustration. “Babysit your aneurysm? Because my time is worth way more than-”

“An aneurysm, is the last thing this is-”

“And what makes you so sure of that?!” She looks between his eyes incredulously.

“You think this woman’s just been walking around with a ruptured aneurysm-”

“I didn’t say ruptured-”

“Well if it’s not ruptured, she’d likely not have any symptoms at all, so your logic makes absolutely no sense.” Derek raises his eyebrows, like he’s won the argument.

“I’m just saying! I did a research paper on this. Similar case. Sudden onset of seizures. No prior history. But, this woman fell and-”

“I never said my patient had a fall.”

“Well did you ask her that?”

“Amy,” Derek breathes, exasperated. He tries to move around her, completely done with the conversation.

But she blocks his movements. And he gives her a blank stare. While Link stands off to the side, looking between the two uncomfortably.

“Derek.” She retorts, the frustration in her tone highly evident.

“Take my patient to CT. And then stay with her, while she gets transported to a room. You can manage that, right?”

Amelia bites her tongue, nodding numbly. She refrains from voicing everything she wants to say, and she tries to fight off the emotions that arise as Derek steps around her. She feels defeated. And small. Which was typical lately, following any interaction with her older brother. She curses herself for thinking it would be any different, now that she was here under specific circumstances. Professional circumstances. Hand picked for this surgical internship out of a large pool of equally impressive applicants. But it’s not different. If anything, it’s even more demoralizing, to be met with this discouragement both personally, and now professionally.

Derek steps away and she’s left standing there with Link.

“Your brother is….kind of a jerk.”

Amelia rolls her eyes, pushing past Link.

“Shepherd, wait-”

She ignores the way he calls after her, and she keeps walking. Because she has a patient now. A patient who needs a head CT.

_______

Link finds her about a half hour later. She’s walking from CT with a stack of scans in her arms. She nods a greeting at Link as begins walking with her.

“Hey! So, we've all been in the research library, could probably use your help-”

“I was right,” she says simply, shaking her head. “It’s an aneurysm. It’s tiny, but it’s there.”

Link doesn’t hold back his surprise. “Wow, how’d you-”

He’s cut off again when Amelia turns to him, forcing the scans over into his hands.

“What are you-”

“Make sure Derek gets these.”

“....You don’t want to hand them over yourself?” Link objects, trying to give them back to her. “Tell him you were right?”

“Nah,” she breathes, turning away from him. “I want off his service.”

Link comes to a halt in the middle of the hallway, watching her continue in the opposite direction. She turns around, facing him once more before she’s off again.

“Just please, hurry. He needs to see those now.”

_______

Several hours later, after her shift has ended, all Amelia wants is a peaceful evening. The first thing that comes to mind for her, when seeking this, is chamomile tea.

After changing into her sweats, which includes her favorite Harvard sweatshirt, she wanders down the hall to the kitchen to begin her evening routine.

The kitchen is dark, so she flips on one of the dim lights before she starts rummaging through the cupboards. To her left, from the balcony attached to the small kitchen, she can hear the sound of Jo’s exuberant laughter, mixed in with a couple of other voices.

A moment later, the sliding glass door is opening and Link is stepping inside. He slightly grimaces at the difference in volume to the quiet kitchen, as the voices outside get cut off with the door sliding shut again.

“Oh, hey,” he mutters, as he sets an empty beer bottle on the counter. “Didn’t know you were up. Are we being too loud?”

Amelia shakes her head, her focus still on her tea set-up.

She knows she’s being standoffish, and probably to Link’s notice, too.

“Weird day, huh?”

Amelia shrugs. And then realizes she has yet to say anything out loud here.

“Yeah, kind of.”

“You seem like someone….that would want to talk about it, no?”

Amelia smirks at this revelation.

“It’s a long story,” she murmurs, listening to the water in the electric kettle start to boil, and then the comforting sound gets interrupted by Jo’s laughter from outside. “Shouldn’t you get back out there, anyway?”

“Sounds like Lexie’s keeping her entertained.”

Amelia leans her back against the counter, peering across the kitchen at him.

“Derek….he’s not a jerk,” Amelia says simply. “I know it seemed that way earlier. But really, there’s more to it.”

Link shrugs, moving to lean against the opposite counter.

“It just seemed like he wasn’t taking you seriously. When you happened to be right, so. Maybe he should have.”

Amelia nods to herself.

“Do you have siblings?”

“No,” he chuckles. “Only child.”

Amelia grins. Something about this piece of information makes sense to her.

“I think sometimes it’s hard to....I don’t know,” she trails off momentarily. “Take the baby of the family seriously?”

It’s probably obvious to Link that there’s more to it. Reasonings that she’s conveniently leaving out. But he nods along with her explanation anyway.

“Anyway, I don’t want you to go on thinking my brother is some bad guy….” she mutters as she turns around to face the kettle again. “Because he’s not, he’s….one of my favorite people, actually, so.”

Link watches as Amelia starts drumming her fingers against the countertop, her eyes glued to the tea kettle.

He steps towards the fridge, because he’d originally come inside to grab another beer.

The kettle clicks off and Amelia’s fingers against the counter come to rest. She places a tea bag into her mug and pours some of the boiling water over it. She turns around just in time to see Link shut the fridge door, empty-handed.

“Aren’t you heading back out there?”

“Yeah, I just….” he gestures towards the kettle. “That looks pretty good, actually. Is there any left over?”

Amelia holds back her surprise, but quickly nods. She reaches over for another tea bag and hands it over to him.

“Knock yourself out.”

She watches Link hesitate, turning the packet over in his palms.

“It’s nothing fancy,” she grins. “Just use the water from the kettle.”

Link nods, reaching for a mug.

“I’m going to bed. Think you can handle it?” Amelia gestures towards the mug in his hands.

And Link rolls his eyes. “Yes, I’ve got it. Is it that obvious that I’m not really a tea guy?”

Amelia bites her lip, and shrugs, turning on her heels and back towards her bedroom.

“Goodnight, Amy.” She can hear Link snicker from the kitchen. And the use of the nickname causes Amelia to halt in her tracks. She slowly rounds the corner back into the kitchen.

“Don’t even.” Her voice is tight with astonishment. “Do you want me to start referring to you as Atticus? Because I will.”

The threat causes Link to falter only a little. And then he grins.

“Try again,” she mutters.

“Okay,” he’s laughing now. “Goodnight, Amelia.”

She thinks it’s the first time he’s said it out loud. Or called her by her first name at all. She’s been so used to hearing him refer to her as ‘Shepherd,’ that the sound of her first name falling from his lips actually stirs something inside her. She convinces herself that that’s it. That’s the reason it stuns her a little. It’s simply because she’s not used to it. Definitely has nothing to do with the fact that she enjoys the way it sounds.

She can’t help the smirk that crosses her face, as she repeats his sentiment. She turns back towards the hallway, an amused edge to her voice.

“Goodnight, Link.”

//

#amelink #amelink fanfic #amelinkfic #amelia shepherd #atticus lincoln #amelia x link #if u see me continue to reference cases from the actual show no u didn't <3 #i have to steal my medical shit from somewhere ahaha #my writing #if the sun comes up #greys anatomy fanfic #greys anatomy fic #grey's anatomy fanfic #grey's anatomy fic #maggie pierce #winston ndugu #magston #jo wilson #lexie grey #mark sloan #derek shepherd #TOOK ME FOREVER TO POST THIS ONE BC IM JUST NOT IN LOVE WITH IT BUT I POSTED ANYWAY