#lucien deserves to be with people who like him and want to be around him

[copypastus]

@lucienweekofficial Day 5 - Family

I wanted to do different families Lucien had over the years. So we have: 1. Baby Lucien with his mom 2. Lucien with Jesminda 3. Lucien with Tamlin 4. Lucien with his Band of Exiles

#my art #acotar #acotar fanart #lucien vanserra #lucienweek2023 #lady of the autumn court #jesminda #acotar jesminda #tamlin #jurian #vassa #jurian acotar #vassa acotar #it's all fun and games until you remember he lost 3/4 of those families #i'm glad he has his friends now #lucien deserves to be with people who like him and want to be around him #happieness for lucien 2023

[imaginesmai]

Right around the corner - Azriel (5)

AHHHHH this is the final part and let me tell you I'm SAD. It was so hard to write the ending you all deserve after all this love, so I tried my best. Let me know what you think! Also, you deserve A LOT, so I made it long hehehe. Don't worry, a request about the RATH universe is coming soon! If you want one too, drop it in my inbox!

(1), (2), (3), (4)

Plot: The story of how Azriel fixed what was broken, and how you forgave him.

Warnings: this is sad, but has a happy ending! Also, mental health issues.

No one expected the sidra to froze that year, and against everyone expectation, one day Velaris had woken up to see the riven covered by a silver layer. Children had missed school to skate in the solid surface, parents watching carefully from the edge. Some couples were skating too, holding hands and giggling endlessly.

You had been watching the new scene unfold all morning. And while you usually loved snow and ice as much as any child in town, you were starting to get a little sick of all the noise.

It wasn’t your new employee situation, who had been staring at the river all morning. She had already finished her duties, but always the polite and nice girl, Elain Archeron was keeping you company.

When you spotted for the third time the familiar red-head through the glass and she didn’t say anything, just sighed, you decided you had enough.

“You should tell him to get in before he freezes to death” you commented, still busy with measuring the ingredients.

“Oh, no” Elain blushed and looked away from the window. “No. He’s just… He can wait”

“He can, but doesn’t have to. You and Lucien should head out, rent ice skates and have a fun day. You already finished here” you smiled kindly at her, and before she could reply, you added. “I’m fine, I don’t even like cold weather. And I still need to finish this, which you can’t help me with. So, go”

Elain stared at you with uncertainty, and you tried to look as convinced as possible. Would you have liked her to stay? After all, she was one of the few people you socialized with these days. She had turned in when you opened the bakery again, right after you posted the sign about looking for a new partner.

And even if you had had your doubts when you discovered she was Feyre’s sister and Azriel’s friend, you considered her your own friend.

So, yeah, you would have liked her to stay. Because you were still awfully sad all the time, and her company was one of the few things that made your day better. But you being sad didn’t excuse her missing a wonderful day with her mate.

“It’s not closing time yet” her eyes danced between the glass and you. “He was supposed to wait for me at the house”

“Guess he’s too eager to see you. He’s been dancing around the bakery for a good hour” you chuckled. “Elain, I mean it. Go. Have fun. I’ll see you on Monday”

“Y/N, I promise I don’t mind waiting. It’s not like it will unfreeze”

“And I promise I don’t mind at all. So, go, have fun and tell me about it on Monday” you gripped her hand softly over the counter, nodding to the waiting mal outside. “Come on, go”

Lucien was once more outside the bakery, the only visible part of him his red hair. He was covered in thick layers, but still managed to smile when Elain kissed your cheek and took her coat on the way out.

You didn’t have it in you to watch them be affectionate with each other, so you looked down at your task and decided it would be the last of the day.

It was hard watching all those couples walking hand in hand and remembering the feel of his warm, scarred hand in yours. To hear a man laughing and remember the unexpected laughs you dragged out of him sometimes. Even looking at the river was painful, because you could almost see the ghost of Azriel and you learning how to skate in a frozen lake in the Illyrian mountains a few years ago.

You had seen Azriel around a few times now, walking through your bakery and waving at you through the glass. Two times he had been waiting at the door when it was late at night, silently walking you home from afar without talking. Almost two months had passed by and your feelings were still as messed up as before.

Though you didn’t cry as much as before, and you were starting to get better, you still wondered.

If Azriel getting help would mean your relationship would be fixed, or if it was broken permanently. Deep in your thoughts, and used as you were to Azriel’s shadows, you didn’t notice how they tugged on your apron until the door sounded again.

Elain’s name didn’t leave your lips, because as soon as the door opened, you lost your breath.  As if you had summoned him, Azriel walked through the door, beautiful as ever. He wasn’t in his usual training leather, but winter clothes that fit him as a glove. Instantly, you noticed he had lost weight. His shoulders were slumped and his body didn’t carry the usual grace of an Illyrian warrior.

“Hi”

His scarred hands, that had held you so many times and slaughtered so many enemies, were tucked in his coat’s pockets. You could feel the nervousness through the bond, the hesitance. Too stunned to answer, you only stared at him.

You had known that, eventually, he would talk to you. That you would have to do more than just wave at each other through the glass and stay silent when he sent you details through Elain. But still, you hadn’t expected it.

Unable to move, you only blinked.

“I saw Elain and Lucien heading out” he added, not looking away from you. “It’s a nice day outside”

Azriel hadn’t finished before one of his new shadows scaped his control, sneaking around the counter. The familiar ones, that had been by your side since he left, danced around the new intrusion. It lifted your apron, and crawled up your neck.

The cool feeling was the last of your worries, because no matter how much you willed yourself to say something, you couldn’t even tear your eyes from him.

The bond flickered between the two of you, once more. Knowing that it was one-sided, that he didn’t wear it like you did, made break your trance.

“She’s finished for the day” you explained, sounding way more confident that what you felt.

“It’s a nice day, yeah” he repeated, not giving you time to feel awkward before he continued “I thought that maybe you wanted to take a walk with me. It’s cold, but we could… get coffee. Or chocolate, if you want”

Azriel gave you a half, broken smile. Hearing his voice again made you take ten steps backward.

“I have things to do”

You looked down to your current task, which could be easily discarded. You had left much important things half-done because of him, and you would have done it normally without a second thoughts. But no matter how heartful the conversation at your door had been, you just knew you weren’t ready to have a conversation without getting angry.

You knew you weren’t ready to forgive him.

His new shadow gripped your wrist tightly before disappearing, and you heard Azriel’s doubt. He wanted to say something else, and you wanted too. Still, you fell back to your measuring and ignored the way your vision blurred, how your knees became weak again.

Maybe going back to your duties was the only way not to break down again.

The silence continued for a long minute. You couldn’t not feel his presence, the way his scent filled the bakery and made your stomach turn. Your heart recognized what you needed, what you wanted, and threatened to jump out of your chest.

Before you could regret your words, Azriel opened the door again.

“You’re forgetting the yeast” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

When you looked up again, he only smiled. You opened your mouth to tell him to wait, maybe to fuck off and never come again. You didn’t have time, because Azriel closed the door behind him and he was gone.

The first tear fell against the unformed dough, followed by many more. You wouldn’t be finishing the blueberry cake that afternoon, you realized, as you crunched behind the counter and cried.

-

There was a storm coming, and everyone in Velaris had had the same idea – run to the market, buy everything they needed for a few days, and crowd themselves at home with their loved ones. You were trying to follow the first part of the plan, not having anyone to go home anymore. And if that wasn’t enough reason to drag you down, the crowd was getting intense.

Velaris’ market was a beautiful place, full of shops and nice vendors. But that day, the space felt too small.

You already had a few bags with you, yet there were a few more to go. Wanting to finish as soon as possible, you had ignored the rational part of your brain and had gotten in the middle of the crowd. You had only managed to buy milk and pasta, and still had a long way to go.

After Azriel’s brief appearance, your life had been messier than before. He had come by the bakery at least five times more, always offering you some kind of plan you rejected. Going to the park, for a flight or to a coffee shop. Taking walks, watching the sunset or training together.

You lived now half-prepared to see him walking through your door again, and not having the heart to tell him no. You weren’t sure if that thought frightened or comforted you.

In your haste, you had almost forgotten to buy provisions for the storm, and had found yourself on the worst day to do them. Crowded, loud and suffocating, that was how you would describe the market at that moment.

The fact that most people ran with their children and family wasn’t helpful at all.

Most of the times, it was Azriel who did the last-minute shopping for you. He knew you didn’t like crowds, loud places, that you did best in your bakery where only five people were allowed at a time.

Another shove broke you down from your daydreaming, and you looked back to see a pregnant woman staring with her eyebrows furrowed.

“The line is moving” she spatted, pointing to the small space ahead of you. “If you don’t move with it, you should step out”

“Oh, no” you chuckled softly. You picked up the bags on the ground and took the two small steps that you were supposed to. “Sorry, I just thought I could take a little bit more space. It’s crowded here”

“I don’t mind crowds, so if you want to step back, let me get first. I’m in a hurry”

“Me too” you gave her a polite smile, mindful of her state.

The short distance that separated you from the customer on the front was certainly not enough, and she knew it. Still, she looked at you with disapproval. There were only five more people to go until it was your turn, you could buy your snacks and run to the next stall.

You thought you could ignore the glare at the back of your neck, and you did for a few minutes. Without meaning to, you thought how everything with Azriel was easier. Not only people wouldn’t dare to talk to him like that, but also, he assured you a good meter of distance between you two and the rest of the world with his wings.

The snacks on your hands almost fell when, not even two seconds after the man took three steps forward, you were shoved again.

That time, when you looked back, the woman was accompanied by her mate. His wings covered her from the people behind them.

“You should really step out of the line” she repeated. “You might have all the time in the word, but we are in a hurry”

“Me too. You can’t expect me to be glued to that man” you tried to explain, anxiety coiling in your stomach. “He just moved”

“And you didn’t, which proves my point. Besides, it’s obvious you only have a few things. We have more”

“Which should be enough reason to let me go first, not only because I was here before you” you shrugged, feeling even more uncomfortable when the male huffed a laugh. “Maybe it’s you who shouldn’t have come here today if you can’t wait in a line”

You weren’t a threat for the woman, and you were trying really hard to be polite and prove your point. Besides, being pregnant wasn’t an easy task, and you could tell she was far along. Maybe you should have let her pass, or maybe told her to fuck off.

But before you could argue further, something clicked in the male’s eyes, wide with recognition.

And you would have preferred for him to go full berserk mode on you. Because you recognized that look, you had been receiving them for a while now.

The male elbowed the woman’s side softly, pointing with his chin towards you. You didn’t have time to turn back and avoid the conversation, because he spoke.

“You’re the shadowsinger’s mate” he announced, loud enough to make a few heads turn.

“Oh” the woman finally connected the dots and lunged forward to grab your arm so tight you couldn’t shake her off. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry” you pushed your arm back, trying to let go.

While the woman apologized, you couldn’t help but listen to the whispers. The same ones you had heard in your bakery and through the streets. Some of them thrown in your face by rude or nosy customers that didn’t understand the concept of privacy, others by bystanders.

At the end, it was the woman who said it out loud, confirming what everyone in the small circle that had formed at the cue was wondering about. She finally let go of your arm and crossed hers in front of her body.

The look of pity wasn’t as bad as the confirmation.

“He rejected you, right?” it wasn’t a question, not when you didn’t answer and she continued. “We heard you’ve been mated for almost a century and he doesn’t want the bond. Is that true?”

It wasn’t true, but you didn’t have the heart to correct her. Instead, you turned around and used your wing-less privileges to sneak through the crowd. You kept your head down, as if that could stop you from hearing the comments or feeling the stares.

People had come up with an alternative version where Azriel and you had been mated for decades, for centuries. Where you had cheated on him or he had changed you for someone else. You had even heard that he had bonded with another person and had kicked you out of the house, and that you had been the one rejecting the bond.

Each version was farthest from the truth than the last one, but they all hurt the same. The crowd didn’t seem to get thinner no matter how deep you got in the market. Once the people who had heard the conversation were left behind, new people crowded you, worried about the girl panicking and running through the middle of the market.

There were a few occasions where you thought you would fall, where you tripped and almost embarrassed yourself farther. You had almost made it to the back entrance of the market when you finally realized you were tripping no more. There was no longer a crowd around you, nor whispers or hands reaching your way.

It took you another few steps to fully stop and assess the situation. When you looked back to see where the crowd was, you were met with a broad chest inches away from you. Through tearful eyes, you recognized Azriel’s wings tucking you away from people, his mere presence pushing them away.

You met his hazel eyes, full of worry and regret. His hair was longer, covering his brow, but you found comfort in his crooked nose, in his freckles, that you knew so well.

You noticed in his hands your bags that had been left in the stall, a new one with the snacks you were about to buy.

“What – what are you doing here?” you choked out, too grateful for the sudden moment of peace to wonder about anything else.

“I felt you through the bond, a few hours ago. Anxious and…” he stopped himself, his eyes scanning every tear that marked your cheeks. “I was just getting here when it got worse. I heard most of it. I’m –”

“Don’t say you’re sorry” you interrupted him. “It’s not your fault”

Out of the many things that were indeed his fault, people not minding their own business wasn’t his. You were used to him blaming himself for everything, from wars in other courts to people fighting in the street. The response came naturally.

Your nose was cold and runny, your hands frozen in your pockets, and your feet hurt. Besides all of that, you felt all wrong. Because you enjoyed his presence, because what they said, and because you couldn’t help but calm down when he was close.

Azriel didn’t say anything when you took the bags from his hands, thanking him quietly. He didn’t say anything as more people walked away from him, either because of his wings or because they recognized him.

“You don’t like last minute shopping”

It was a pointless observation, but it was better than to comment on how afraid he had been when, just outside the market, he felt the bond snap with urgence. His shadows knew where you were, and that you needed him, but even he had trouble running through crowds. Azriel also couldn’t talk about how mad he had been at everyone in that stall, how his new shadows had turned off every light and almost chocked them to death.

Azriel wanted to say that you were probably cold because you didn’t like your own coats, and most of the times wore one of his. He wanted to hug you, too, to feel you between his arms after what felt like an eternity and promise you that it would end well.

But he couldn’t say anything more than the obvious.

“I had to” you answered.

With a furious fist, frustrated at life, at him and at you, you brushed the tears off your cheeks. You could tell that he wanted to keep talking, and you did too. Since your last encounter, you had come up with more conversations you should have.

You stared at each other for what seemed forever. There were details that you had almost forgotten in your sorrow – like his long lashes, that you teased him about. Or the freckle that snuck up to the corner of his left eye. The way his mouth rose higher from the right, and the small scar on his ear from where Cassian dared him to wear an earring.

Only his face was enchanting enough to help you forget about the day, about the weight of your chest. It was the first closing call from the market, that sounded through the public speakers, that broke you away.

“I should go”

“I should go”

You talked at the same time, and you smiled softly when you pointed to different directions. You didn’t miss how his eyes fell to your mouth, how his own lifted up too.

“I could walk you back” he offered, not tearing his eyes away from your mouth. “If you let me”

You didn’t answer immediately. Those last words, that he had repeated so often lately, almost had you saying yes. You could almost imagine how it would go – him walking by your side, one of his wings behind your back. His elbow brushing yours, and his gaze fixed on you.

Your smile dropped when you remembered the times you had walked just like that, tucked together. The times you had waked by yourself through Velaris with his imprint on you, and the times he had left without a trace of your presence.

Azriel knew the answer before you said it, and his shoulders dropped slightly.

“Sorry”

That time, you decided to turn away before he could. Taking the back exit was a poor choice, knowing it was farther from your house than the main one, but you couldn’t picture yourself walking through the market without Azriel keeping the crowds a step away.

So you turned around, gripped your bags tight and didn’t tear your eyes from the ground during the whole way back.

-

It wasn’t Azriel who found you the time everything changed, but you.

The cold and winter were over, the streets were clean and the sun was out. It was a perfect day to spend outside, and Elain seemed fixed in throwing you out of your own shop. She claimed that the bags under your eyes were as dark as the night, and that your skin was so pale that she couldn’t tell the flour stains apart from it.

“Just for the record, you’re kicking the owner of the bakery out of the bakery” you stated, looking at her once more from the door. “You do realize that shouldn’t happen, right?”

“I’m helping a friend come out of her ghost-like season” she replied, still decorating muffins. “And you do realize that most shops close on Sunday’s, right?”

“Certainly not a bakery” you looked to the empty fountain at her right. “If we do it together, we will – “

“If you touch one single item of this bakery, I’m banning you from the kitchen for a month”

You doubted she meant it, she could. But still, you sighed and turned around to open the door. You weren’t an extrovert, certainly not an outsider. Since you were a child, you liked your kitchen, your house, and your space. And none of those things were outside the door.

But you actually feared what the fae you left behind would do if you turned back. Elain had already hidden your apron so you couldn’t put it on, and had threatened to mismatch the soy milk with normal one.

Giving her a last, tight smile through the glass, you walked towards the center of Velaris.

Not many people were outside that soon on a Sunday morning, but you were glad for her insistence the moment the sun kissed your face. The cold weather was disappearing and you could feel warmth across your cheeks. It was still cold, and it would be for at least another week, but the change in the weather promised a happy spring.

You walked aimlessly around Velaris, stopping to watch the Sidra move every now and then. Your feet carried you through unfamiliar streets, all of them filled with colors and smells. The longer you walked, the healthier you felt. Each step felt like a weight lifted from your chest, and you even smiled to a few usuals you found in the streets.

The main square peeked through the streets. It wasn’t your usual destination, too crowded and not as pretty as other parts of the town. But you still walked through it, feeling at ease and happy.

It had happened before, usually the days before you started your cycle, and you should have known the feeling of ease had nothing to do with the weather or the walk. It had happened and it happened again, just as you rounded a corner to walk in the square.

If, by any chance, Azriel hadn’t noticed you coming, the shadows that tugged him away from where he was standing would have made it obvious.

His eyes widened when he saw you, and you felt that peaceful feeling making its home for the day. There was no sorrow, no sadness, and none of the usual feelings that lately you felt when it came to him.

You cursed yourself stupid when you realized that you cycle was coming, and that every year you were in a mood until Azriel showed up, your hormones demanding your mate.

“Y/N”

Your name fell from your mouth and just by hearing it you noticed something different. It was new, and at the same time, you thought you recognized it somehow. You looked to his empty hands, to the syphons on his shoulders and chest and truth-teller on his side.

It looked like you had interrupted something important to him. But instead of running away from him like the last two times, you took a step closer.

“Are you going on a mission?” you pointed with your chin to his leather, eyes stopping at his chest. There was that thing, that you couldn’t name.

“Just came back. I was…”

Azriel looked to the building he just exited and for a moment, in silence. You had met a bunch of times since the incident in the market, and you had started having longer conversations. About the weather, about your bakery, and even about his family, who you finally knew officially.

Certainly, your relationship had improved, although it wasn’t just fixed yet. When he didn’t answer, you were reminded of all the times he had kept things to himself, either out of fear or doubt.

He seemed to doubt between telling you and keeping it to himself. Any other time, you knew, he would have kept it to himself. He had done it, in the past – when you asked him about his job, or tried to understand his past. Many times where he had evaded the truth or his emotions.

Your mood, that had been in a rush since you left the bakery, fell a little at his silence. He looked torn and you were ready to leave, before he answered.

“This is Madja’s house. I meet her here so we can talk, usually during the week” he looked back at you, watching the surprise of his statement. “But something happened and I needed to talk to her”

“What happened?”

Azriel’s lips were pressed tight, debating on whether he should tell you or not. He wouldn’t have doubted about it a year ago – he wouldn’t tell you, because in his eyes, it would only hurt you more than he already had. But he had learnt new things, and had realized that a relationship was built on trust. And that his fears, his perception of the reality, had broken yours.

He had cut the mission short when he had noticed, though he wasn’t sure he had ever done something like that. Azriel didn’t know what had triggered it, why it happened in the Winter court and not anytime sooner.

Madja, of course, had had an answer ready – an answer that had left him staring at her door for long twenty minutes before you appeared.

“Kallias should have sent something to Rhysand, but he didn’t” he started, not sure why he was traveling so far from the event. “So I went to check. Turns out someone must have taken it and, well, I tried to…”

He trailed off before he could finish, aware of your confusion. You never talked about what he did for Rhysand, in any court. No matter how big or small was the assignment, he didn’t tell you about it.

But that wasn’t what your confusion was about, at least not all of it. You couldn’t possibly notice because you had given it for granted since the beginning, but Azriel did notice. He noticed the change as soon as it happened, and babbled when he explained to Rhysand what he should have been feeling for years.

Had explained to Madja moments ago, who had given him a knowing smile and a proud nod.

“I accepted the bond” he confessed, continuing before you could say anything else. “I don’t know how, or why, but I was there and suddenly I was hit with – with this in my chest, and I don’t know why it wouldn’t happen sooner”

“You accepted the bond” you repeated, looking between his chest and face.

“I don’t know how, or why now. I was, thinking… And it hit me” Azriel smiled sadly, not saying what his thoughts were about – what they had been about since that night. “I didn’t want to tell you, because, this is, you don’t have to do anything now. Me accepting the bond doesn’t change what I did”

Azriel hadn’t meant to tell you, neither to be so vague and ridiculously nervous about it.

It had been a surprise when, in the middle of a conversation, he felt it. He had been thinking about you, because there were flowers and they were pretty against the cold weather, and to him, you were the prettiest thing the Cauldron had made. One moment Kallias had been going through the last movements of the package and the next the high lord was looking at him with raised brows.

Congratulating him for something that should have happened six years ago.

“It’s not that I didn’t want the bond before, Y/N” he continued when you didn’t say anything. “I promise you, I didn’t know how to accept it. I didn’t know that I deserved it”

Azriel had thought, and he still wanted to, that you so pretty that you were meant for someone else. That it was borrowed time, that he didn’t deserve the bond just as he didn’t deserve you. With Madja and Rhys, they had had deep conversations about his mental health, about his version of life where he lived through a glass of pain and rejection.

As he stared at your surprised form, he tried not to let hope leak into his heart. He knew it didn’t fix what was broken, but he hoped it was the first step of a long recovery to win you back.

Only if you could confirm or deny, instead of stare at him.

“Say something” Azriel finally broke, almost begged. “Whatever you want. Just say something”

And you wanted to, because wasn’t that what you had wanted? You had fooled yourself lately thinking about may what ifs. What if he had accepted the bond in the bagging, what if he had told you that he wasn’t fine, that he was broken and needed help.

What if you had helped him and not rushed things when he wasn’t ready. Now, it felt like the Cauldron was giving you that opportunity, only that you didn’t know how to react.

You finally looked away from him and decided to give an experimental tug on the bond, to see if anything had changed.

It had.

“Az”

It was a chuckle, maybe the beginning of a cry. It was anger but also relief because what came back from that tug wasn’t what you usually felt. It was stronger, solid, as if there was a physical string between your bodies that kept you linked.

Usually, it was just an intense feeling that was enough for you. But now that you felt him tugging back, felt him loving you, you couldn’t hold back another laugh. He shoved down through it everything he felt – adoration, love, joy. Many fears that had you stumbling towards him, and pain.

So much pain that your smile dropped. His dropped too, and you felt the bond getting fainter.

“That’s another reason. I didn’t want you to feel… that” Azriel retreated the bond farther. “I have so many fears and pains here that I couldn’t even imagine sharing them with you. And that – “

“You don’t have to feel ashamed” you cut him off, your voice hoarse. “I love you the same”

Words were unnecessary when you hugged his middle and buried yourself in his chest. He curled around you, like he had done so many times.

The channel snapped open again, and you just closed your eyes tightly. It was an endless source of emotions, and it broke you that most of them were bad. There was rejection, from so many people that it felt like an angry, black bull coming your way. Sadness that felt overwhelming and never ending, always coming in waves when Azriel didn’t expect it.

You also felt disgust, and you only held him tighter when you discovered it was self-disgust. Not only at the things that he had done, but also at what had been done to him. The scars on his hands, the shadows around him. He had hated himself for so long he had forgotten how to love.

But then, at the bottom, there was something bright, and that part you realized it was only dedicated to you. There was his family too, but it wasn’t as intense as his love for you. Everything that he lacked during his life, that he yearned for, was tucked where it mattered the most.

“I love you” he whispered against your head, softly. “I love you”

You didn’t answer, just raised your head until you could brush your lips against him. Later, you would have time to blame the cycle, which you wouldn’t get for another two months, or the emotions of the moment. But you knew it was just what you needed, what you both deserved, when you felt him kissing back.

At the beginning, it was just his lips against yours, and it was enough. Your noses brushed each other, you got on your tiptoes and his wing cocooned both of you. His hands only pressed you tighter against his body when you moved your lips against his, brushing the edge of your tongue against his bottom one.

Azriel could barely keep himself straight when you silently asked for permission to open his mouth, which he happily obliged.  

From that moment, it was crashing. The kiss was only a physical proof of your feelings traveling through the mated bond, so wild and intense you couldn’t tell which one was his or yours.

“I’m sorry, darling” he whispered against your lips, giving you no time to reply. “I’m sorry for hurting you, for being a coward. I’m sorry”

“I forgive you. We don’t keep secrets anymore” you managed to say between kisses.

“Never” Azriel answered while leaving kisses on your cheeks and nose.”

“And we’ll talk about our emotions, and feelings. You’ll tell me about your life when I ask”

“Always”

“You won’t close off to me” you pulled his head away and made him look at you.

While you held his face between your hands, Azriel smiled. It was a different smile from the previous ones, from the ones you had seen so far. It was carefree, loving, and yours.

Your thumb brushed the corner of his eye, his upper cheek, the border of his nose.

“I’m here, Azriel. Always. So you don’t have to hide anything from me, or to be ashamed or afraid. I’m here” you closed the distance once more, controlling the kiss by holding onto his face. “Right around the corner”

“Right around the corner” he repeated, dipping his head and sealing all his promises with another kiss.

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@lesliemurillo @impossibelle @polli05927 @florencemtrash @going-through-shit @minakay @setayeshmohseni @torchbearerkyle @esposadomd @amysangel @kennedy-brooke @originalcrusadetrash @luvmoo @historygeekqueen @marriedtolike18fictionalmen @wallacewillow0773638 @tothestarsandwhateverend @kristalhi @knmendiola @nikt-wazny-y @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @wallacewillow0773638 @clara-geekhime @kalulakunundrum @saltedcoffeescotch @originalcrusadetrash @mel-wcst @ailyr92 @bubybubsters @chickensrock3 @tothestarsandwhateverend @topaz125 @wallacewillow0773638 @just-m-2 @theravenphoenix26 @glitterypirateduck @a-frog-with-a-laptop @justdreamstars

#azriel #azriel x reader #azriel one shot #azriel imagine #azriel fic #azriel x you #imaginemai #imaginesmai #azriel shadowsinger #azriel acotar #acotar x reader #acotar fic #acotar fanfic #actor imagine #acotar #acotar x you #imagines mai #imagine mai #imagine #one shot #x reader #x you #fic #fanfic

[animezinglife]

Maybe it's my age talking, but I do think the Azriel vs. Lucien thing is blown way out of proportion.

There's a difference between attraction and being in love with someone, and another difference still between having a crush and being in love.

TL/DR: I genuinely think the biggest piece people overlook in this Azriel vs. Lucien puzzle is Elain herself and the layers of her internal conflict. Personally, I suspect it's much bigger than them both.

Here's the thing:

Azriel is gorgeous and is basically described as looking like a dark, fallen angel. He went into Hybern's war camp and got her out of there alongside Feyre, took her in his arms and flew her to safety. He's been kind to her, too. He hasn't pushed her to talk and has a quiet, strong presence that I'm sure is quite comforting to her.

There is zero expectation with him--zero pressure that she would even be able to create in her own mind. There's no "mate" term dangling over them and no friends or family breathing down their necks at every turn, acting like they should be supervised for something they didn't do. They're the only two people in their current circle (exempting Mor, though that's a bit different) who are still single. They both are constantly bombarded with this idea of "mates" and being on the outside of what that means.

I don't think it would be a reach at all to call her and Az friends.

It's not odd or confusing to me at all that she would have a crush on him; be attracted to him, want him to kiss her, or even to sleep with him. It seems completely natural.

I would argue that Az has been a gentleman towards her (and I will stand by the fact that internal frustrations are very different than actions, and that something expressed in confidence to your brother is nowhere near the same as acting out of turn), but I also wonder, too, if there's a part of her that makes her think she doesn't want a gentleman right now.

That while she's handled her trauma very differently than Nesta (thank the Cauldron), there's a part of her that's taken that robbing of life to heart and Graysen's whiny bitch comments/rejection to heart. That it's impacted her self-worth to make her think she is something "other" that's beyond saving or isn't worth the kind of fairytale love she always dreamed of for herself.

If I read into it perhaps a bit too much, I think Az is a little off when he assumes Elain doesn't know about the types of things he's done, whether that be atrocities or something more private. She might even see her involvement in killing Hybern to be some dark thing outside her nature she's having difficulty coming to terms with.

I'm not at all saying Az isn't a good guy who's deserving of love too, but I don't think what Elain's looking for with him in that extra chapter has much of anything to do with love. I think she wants a distraction with someone she thinks understands.

I think there's a chance, too, she's overwhelmed by Lucien being in the same house. Overwhelmed by that strong, involuntary pull she feels towards him and that she doesn't know what to make of him at all.

I will say it until I'm blue in the face, but I genuinely think the only barrier--the only real issue--that prevents her from warming to Lucien in the same or a similar way is that heavy, life-altering M-word that got slapped onto them both on arguably the worst day of her life.

He hasn't had the luxury of being around her as part of her family like Az has. Hasn't had the luxury of Elain seeing him fully through her own eyes without the "mate" label being forced into their lives. Yet it doesn't lessen the pull she has towards him, and that combined with everything she's experienced of mates thus far can't exactly be easy to process, especially after a brutal rejection, lost love, and lost future.

She isn't able right now to see the bond as a choice.

She doesn't even get the chance to evolve naturally into seeing it as a choice with the way her family hovers and breathes down her neck. How suddenly the most un-purity culture people in existence magically start caring a great deal about Elain's choices in that regard and insert themselves into chaperone roles like Elain and Lucien are two teenagers who can't control themselves at a junior high dance.

How confusing and contradictory that must be for Elain, who's been condescended and told by her sisters (namely Nesta) that the Fae don't live by human customs when it comes to sex or anything of the like. How the one time she did take that chance with someone she thought she loved it only got thrown back in her face by both Graysen and Nesta?

And what do we know about Lucien? He's devastatingly beautiful. Elegant yet rakish. An intelligent, educated, trained courtier and the son of a high lord. Even Feyre--a happily mated female--can't go five minutes in her internal monologues without noting how attractive and sexy he is even when he's doing absolutely nothing and minding his own business.

She knows he's Feyre's friend. She's heard some of the stories there. So she is aware, then, of at least some of the qualities her sister sees and admires in him despite their current rocky relationship.

Lucien is, in every way, being respectful of Elain's wishes and giving her space even though her rejection hurts him. He's still warring with the guilt of his own lost love in his mind and with a sense of unworthiness. He's been achingly thoughtful towards her; the epitome of a gentleman.

Elain would know that especially with that bond she doesn't fully understand, he's not someone she could simply have a pleasant distraction with. That he's someone who could see through her in every way she wants to hide and that she would never be able to hide in the mere idea that he simply doesn't press her (in the way Az doesn't press her).

Az feels safe right now and someone still attached to her comfort zone. He's a place she can continue to hide without fully facing her present and future and all Prythian is.

She can't hide her pain or suffering from Lucien in the same way. She can't quietly stare out the window into the sunlight without him knowing and feeling exactly what she needs.

She knows--senses--that she won't be able to separate the most vulnerable fragments of herself from her bond with Lucien. Again, a bond she didn't choose, and doesn't currently see that she still has a choice in.

So, she turns away from it in every way she knows how and looks for new ways to do so.

The way people treat Elain when it comes to her love life is so predictably (to her) unlike how Feyre and Nesta have been treated. Elain has always been different from them both, especially when it comes to love and sex. She's more modest and more reserved; has never been the type to fall into bed with some random man or Fae male. She's more guarded; a bit more protective of her own heart.

Maybe, to some extent, there's something she feels she needs to prove to herself. That she can fit within this more sexually liberated Fae world and that she's not some outsider in need of being treated with kid gloves.

Az, in that capacity, is definitely not someone who will. He's also not someone she can't keep her guard up with and can't keep her vulnerability from.

It would not surprise me either if there's a part of her that wants to deter Luicen (thinking back to Mor's tactic of deterring Azriel when she slept with Helion), but more strongly and importantly, to deter and distract herself from the bond. She doesn't want to allow herself to feel anything towards him.

The fact that she does feel a strong pull and, more likely than not, an overwhelming attraction of some kind makes me think it wasn't fully coincidence that she approached Az on Solstice when Lucien was in the same house.

I think she very much wanted to tie someone else to what she's feeling and try to get Lucien, the bond, and that dreaded M-word out of her mind.

Running the risk of sounding crude, Az could probably achieve that at least temporarily.

But it'd come right back. It's always been interesting to me that everyone seems to note that their bond is strong despite nothing having happened between them yet.

Until Elain acknowledges that bond and Lucien one way or another, that internal conflict she's clearly feeling is never going to change for her.

Two things can be true at once: we can fully acknowledge that neither Elain nor Lucien had a choice in the bond snapping between them, and that until they face it, neither one of them are going to have much choice in anything else at all. Not beyond a meaningless tangle in the sheets with someone else.

I think it would've been worse in the long run for Elain to learn that the hard way.

I also genuinely don't think Elain understands that there's nothing wrong with her for being different than her sisters or being different than the Fae norms. That there's nothing wrong with her for struggling to process this or for being overwhelmed.

She's still healing. She still has wounds she hasn't addressed. She's still hiding and seeking distractions while growing restless about wanting more from her life and being frustrated by her sisters' low expectations.

Feyre and Nesta love her, and it's not the protectiveness from love in itself that's wrong.

But they're suffocating her.

Lucien is, in every way, a person who never could. He's something so different and "other" than what she's used to both as a human and as a Fae while also being a bridge between those worlds. He can function in both. He can thrive in both.

He can see, perhaps too clearly, all sides of her whether she likes it or not.

I think she also very much senses he's the type she could fall in love with. The type she'll never be able to fully distract herself from if she lets herself fall or take that leap.

Her heart's still wounded, and she's not ready to risk opening that again right now.

That doesn't mean she won't be later on, and that doing so won't be incredibly worth it.

She will never find herself or open that chance up to herself, though, if she also keeps hiding in only the channels she knows. The barriers--intentional or otherwise--set around her by her sisters.

I do think that's inevitably going to be the difference between them, though: Elain and Lucien are going to face their reality and find healing together and in each other, and in the process, are going to end up falling in love. Real, true, soulful love.

Lucien's love is the kind that will leave her wondering why she ever thought she'd known what love is in the first place, and what they could find in each other is the kind of love they both deserve.

I cannot wait to see Elain facing her fears when she's fully free to do so. I can't wait to see her getting to know Lucien without the IC watching their every move and making her feel like a caged animal. I can't wait to see her find her strength, her love, and the fullest extent of her freedom.

That's not to say that Az would not have many wonderful qualities he could offer her too, but the person she's going to find more of herself than she every thought possible with is Lucien.

Az, in my humble opinion, is likely going to end up with someone else. An actual mate where he'll find his own healing alongside.

#elucien #acotar #elain archeron #lucien vanserra #azriel #TL/DR: I am completely unwilling to demonize one or the other of these males #hot takes

[acotar-taylorsversion]

Another Little Rant

I'm sorry, but not everyone wants Lucien.

Not his court. Not his brothers. Not Tamlin. Not his mate.

Rhys only puts up with him for the sake of an alliance. And I think Feyre only keeps him around because of the friendship they once had. Azriel hates him and I don't think Cassian, Mor, and Amren care enough to about him to really say anything.

This is why he's finding his own place and home with the Band of Exiles. Hence the name.

Now, don't go thinking I hate Lucien. I can hear y'all now thinking I'm the worst person because I don't put him on a pedestal. I don't particularly care for him. I only see him being beneficial to Vassa's story, because I do think the small moments between them are cute and they might actually mean something. I'm convinced that this is one of the very few reasons why she has kept him around this long. I never found Lucien as this exciting, funny character. I almost put down acotar when it first came out because I found Tamlin boring and Lucien annoying and I was convinced Feyre was either gonna end up with the boring one or the annoying one (but then Rhys came along 🥰). The only thing that got me through the beginning of acomaf was because I could smell feysand from a mile away. And don't even get me started on the end of that book.

I don't see the appeal in elucien at all. I'm convinced the only reason people support that ship is because of the fact that they are mates and they have this unusual obsession with Lucien. Don't know why, honestly. I don't know how people can read where Elain literally loses her newfound boldness, shrinks into herself, and literally hides in the kitchen refusing to pour water in a cup to make him tea and think "omg I can't wait for them to fall in love 😍." Like, if Sarah makes them endgame then I will be convinced that she forgot about every other acotar book she has written. And don't say "well if you don't want to read about fated mates, don't read acotar." She's talking about rejecting the bond and exploring what happens after and who's the only other couple who hasn't accepted their bond yet? Yeah, that's right, Elain and Lucien. I can only assume it's gonna be them who reject the bond. And yes, that would mean Lucien not having his mate. But, you know what, he's a grown ass man and he's not the baby everyone treats him to be. "Poor baby Lucien, he'll be so heartbroken." "He deserves his mate, he deserves to be happy."

Like what about Elain? Eluciens don't care about Elain at all and nothing will ever convince me that they do. She has found her place in the Night Court with her sisters, and her new friends. She is happy there. She is finally accepting her new life now, and she's doing all of that without Lucien.

Sorry for the rant, y'all. I don't care if no one likes this or comments on this or anything. this is my blog and it is my safe place to express how I feel at certain moments.

And, please if you disagree with me, then by all means let me know. I'm open to any and all discussions.

#acotar #elain archeron #pro elriel #anti el*cien #anti e/lucien #don't know why everyone is obsessed with the one eyed ginger #elain doesnt want him #offer and permission #elain would rather be with Az than her mate #Sarah end this ship war #I am begging you

[clockwork-ashes]

All You Have Is Your Fire - Part VI

Find Part I here :)

Summary: 'I can hear your heart beating through the stone.' For the briefest of moments, Lucien wondered if his mate would know exactly when his heart’s steady rhythm came to a sudden stop.

Note: A huge, huge thank you to the lovely @bettdraws who literally deserves all the credit and whose post inspired me to start writing this. I could not stop thinking about this head canon, and it was so kind of you to let me try and make a story from it :)

And a huge thank you to everyone reading!

Tag List: @anishake / @nocasdatsgay / @mybestfriendmademe / @talibunny30 / @halfbutneverwhole

Part VII >>

Elain held tightly to Lucien’s arm, her fingers linked with his, her other hand clutching at his wrist. An anchor, his heartbeat a comfort as they were led down the winding halls of the ancient Forest House. 

Lucien looked entirely unbothered, hardly troubled now that he was no longer in the presence of his family. Elain asked herself how, considering she very much felt as though she had woken from a nightmare. Her thoughts were foggy, her knees shaking in relief with every one of her steps. Elain wanted to sob. 

Lucien’s thumb traced the curve of her knuckle and Elain breathed in deeply to calm her nerves. 

It was almost humiliating, being paraded past the Autumn guards stationed at every corner as she clung to Lucien. She had to remind herself that it was expected of mated couples to behave so attached, that she was not amongst human nobles that would judge her for any open affection that was displayed. 

Elain briefly wondered what Cora had done in her absence, and whether the other woman had been made aware of the change in their plans. Elain’s thoughts turned quickly, though, to what her sisters would say. Elain was sure that Nesta, more than Feyre, would be furious. 

Elain assumed she would have the Inner Circle’s complete support, but she could only guess at their displeasure with how the night had unfolded. 

Elain had told a High Lord that she was marrying his son, and she was only just beginning to realise the weight of such a promise. Elain felt her stomach flip, panic starting to creep along her spine. 

Just when Elain’s anxiety started to take root, Lucien’s hand gripped hers more tightly. Elain felt as he tried to reassure her through the bond, and her annoyance was enough to redirect her thoughts. 

The Forest House was strange and unlike any place she had ever been to. The rough stone walls were a warm grey, closer to the colour of sheep’s wool than to the cool toned rock she had become used to in Night. 

Elain was surprised to see all the wooden furniture considering all the torches, flames dancing and sparks falling but never setting anything alight. She walked by a couple elegant fireplaces set into the walls, but she saw no chimneys, no soot or ashes. 

Like the roots of an ancient tree, hallways connected and split off into different directions, an unnavigable maze. Elain wondered how anyone was able to find their way around. 

One of the guards shoved Lucien towards a flight of stone steps, urging him to turn. Elain frowned when she felt him tense, thinking perhaps he had been offended by the gesture. It was only as a voice rang out beside them that Elain guessed Lucien had scented someone’s presence. 

“Your services are no longer needed,” the words were rough, a demand. “I can take the prince and his lady to their shared suite from here.” 

Much to Elain’s surprise, the guards obeyed. In the time it took for them to leave, Elain had turned her attention to the new arrival.  

The man was handsome, Elain could admit. His short hair a more copper shade of red, his eyes a bright hazel. He was pale, like most of the people she had seen in Autumn, and he looked battle-worn. A slashing scar cut across his throat, just visible above the fabric of his jacket. 

Even if Elain had not just been in a room with Beron Vanserra, she would have still been able to see the resemblance between the High Lord and the man who so obviously was another one of his sons. She took a step beck, knocking into Lucien’s side. 

The man raised a brow, but other than a passing glance, he paid her no mind. His focus was on Lucien, the torches on the wall flared. Elain wondered if that always happened, if flames simply responded to those in Autumn, a reflection of their emotions.

“Where’s Eris?” He snapped, like he had no patience for either her or Lucien. 

Her mate’s shoulders were stiff. “Is the loyal dog looking for its master?” Lucien’s drawl was taunting, as though he was expecting a reaction from his brother. His words were obviously meant to offend.

Elain could feel Lucien’s shock flooding the bond between them when his brother merely shook his head. 

“You always did cause so much trouble, Lucien,” he frowned, looking very much like Eris. With a sigh, he angled his chin to the flight of stairs in front of them. “Follow me.” 

Not like they had a choice, Elain thought. She could feel as Lucien turned to look at her, to check in, but she stared at his brother as he led them to a pair of thick oak doors. His attempt to comfort her was appreciated, but Elain truly thought she could not look at him without her anxiety once more taking hold. With a wave of his brother’s beringed hand, the doors opened to reveal a cosy space. 

The fireplace was already lit, comfortable carpets covered the stone floor, and by the arched window on the room’s other side was a large bed, fit for two. Elain blushed, forgetting for a moment that Lucien and her were to be married, of course their shared suite would have only one bed. 

Elain watched as Lucien’s brother waved his hand once again, this time lighting the candles littered on some of the wooden tables and nightstands. “I hope the rooms have been set to your liking. Should you need anything, let one of the guards know.”

Elain spoke for the first time since having left the throne room, “My lady’s maid was with me, I was wondering…” She trailed off, unsure of what to say next. 

“I’ll let Eris know,” the Autumn prince offered. “I’m sure he’s thought of everything.” There was no bitterness to his words, only an acknowledgement of his eldest brother’s very thorough planning.

Elain dipped her head in thanks, but he had already begun to leave. Elain looked to Lucien as he watched his brother warily, and he hardly seemed surprised when the other man paused at the room’s threshold. 

“Congratulations to the both of you on your engagement,” he said flippantly, over his shoulder. Elain could hear a flicker of doubt in his tone, perhaps a suggestion that he was not entirely convinced by their act. She wondered if Eris had mentioned it to him, if they were close enough to have shared such information. 

Elain noticed the irritation that flashed in Lucien’s eye, how the other one whirred. “Thank you, Callum.” 

It was clear to Elain that there was bad blood between the brothers, and while she was curious, Elain also knew that it would probably be very rude to ask Lucien about it. She watched as Callum left, glad that she no longer needed to play the role she had given herself.  

The doors slammed shut behind the Autumn prince, and Elain promptly let go of Lucien’s hand. She already missed the feeling, but to reach for him would be like an admission of how she so often longed for his touch when he was near. She put distance between them, almost tripping on the edge of the carpet in her rush. 

“Gods,” she mumbled, running her fingers through her curls. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath. Lucien’s scent, apples and summer mornings, lingered in the air. 

What have I done? 

Elain decided that she was a fool for coming to Autumn. She had no idea what she had gotten herself into, had been so desperate to save Lucien’s life that she had doomed them both. 

When Elain opened her eyes, she saw Lucien flexing his fingers, like the memory of her hand in his was enough to unsettle him. He had dark bruises along his jaw, clenched in what she thought was concern. There were blood stains, brown and aged, along the collar of his white shirt. A smear of dirt was on his temple and Elain could tell he had been treated poorly until she had come. 

Lucien was still the loveliest man Elain had ever seen, and she hated herself for believing it.  

“How in the hell did Feyre convince you to come for me?” Lucien asked, voice tired, like his own thoughts were weighing him down. 

Elain furrowed her brow, frowning at him. “Feyre?” She echoed, incredulous. 

At her question Lucien seemed to anger, only for a moment, before he spoke once more. “Rhysand, then, made you do this?” 

“No one made me do anything,” Elain hissed, keeping her voice down, remembering how careful Eris was with his words even when they had been alone. “I came for you because I chose to.” She was frustrated, angry that everyone assumed she could not make decisions for herself. It was with great effort that she kept her hands at her sides, that she did not begin pointing at Lucien with an accusing finger. 

“Why would you do such a thing?” Confusion and disbelief lingering in his words. 

“Because I felt like it,” she snapped, feeling very much like a child. Elain did not share with him that after so much death, so much change in the last few years, she did not think she could bear more. “And you should be thanking me, not questioning my motives.” 

Elain watched as he bent ever so slightly at the waist, the smallest of bows. He did not take his eyes off her as he said, “You have my thanks, Elain.” 

At the sound of her name falling from Lucien’s lips, Elain took a step towards him, the movement almost involuntary. “You shouldn’t call me that,” the impropriety of it all had Elain blushing, she attempted to tell herself that was why she could feel her heartbeat quicken. “You don’t have the right—”

“I think I do,” Lucien said with a shrug, “considering we’re about to be married.” 

It looked like he wanted to say more, but Elain interrupted. “It means nothing,” she was shocked at how snarled the last word was. “Nothing has changed between us,” her words held a finality to them.

Lucien ran a hand through his hair, “Not for one moment did I believe otherwise.” He sounded exhausted, Elain noticed. 

Briefly, Elain felt guilty for being upset with him.

Lucien shook his head, and as he spoke he did not look at her. “You shouldn’t have come to Autumn.” Elain could not say it with certainty, but she could have sworn fear leaked slowly down their shared bond. 

“Next time I’ll let you be killed,” Elain waved her hand dismissively. “What’s done is done, I can hardly tell your father I’ve changed my mind.” 

“I think we’re well past that,” Lucien confirmed. The silence between them was awkward, and Elain wished they had separate rooms, despite knowing it was for the best that they were together.

She could feel Lucien’s gaze on her, but Elain was looking at the comfortable armchair by the fireplace. She cleared her throat, “You take the bed.” 

Lucien did not argue with her, a testament to how utterly drained he must have been, Elain concluded. 

“Thank you, Elain,” he said softly, sincerely.

Elain was left with the impression that Lucien was thanking her for more than just the bed.

#acotar #a court of thorns and roses #elucien #elain x lucien #elain archeron x lucien vanserra #elain archeron #lucien vanserra #autumn court #vanserra brothers #they finally talk to each other alone #ashes writes sometimes #all you have is your fire

[lovemyromance]

I'm gonna need the ACOTAR fandom to be so fcking for real right now. Which of these is a better story?

A) An uncomfortable/awkward indifference between two people that have been declared mates already, turns into love. Join Elain & Lucien as they grow...and heal...together...and end up together to the surprise of absolutely no one. Elain, again, bends to the will of others and makes a choice that makes everyone else happy. She leaves her sisters, and moves into the human lands or day/spring/autumn/anywhere but Night court with Lucien for her happily ever after.

B) A priestess who is afraid around men due to her traumatic past ventures out to start her healing journey by learning self defense in order to never be weak again – only to fall for her training instructor. They fall in love through training, where the instructor is very careful and respectful of her and all the other women he trains. The training instructor is known as a freak in bed, and she is suddenly all healed to go have kinky sex with him. Follow their journey of fighting, and fucking, and bantering, and fucking some more as they fight and banter. There are ribbons and friendship bracelets. And a pegasus shows up.

C) A woman who everyone underestimates and makes decisions for finally gets to make her own choice. Fate has given her a partner she does not want, who makes her uncomfortable. An iron crockpot has stripped her of her mortality and forced her into a life she did not choose for herself.

Yet, this woman, this female, is so lovely and good that she finds the best in things, despite the circumstances. She adapts to her new life, her new world. She makes friends, she tries to bridge the gap between her relationship with her sisters. In the process of acclimating to her new life, she starts to have feelings for someone else.

A quiet male, the first to truly see her for who she is. The first to talk to her like a real person, the first to hand her a powerful weapon, the first to discover her powers and free her from her depressive murky realm. The male seems to want her too, but is careful around her because she already has a mate. Yet, he cannot seem to stay away from her. One night, under the cover of the night, they meet and are about to share a kiss when something pulls him away. He says "This is a mistake" and she is hurt - Was she imagining all the secret touches? The shy glances? The time they spent together?

She doesn't know that he was physically ordered away from her. The High Lord of their court ordered the male to stay away from her, claimed that she is already spoken for. The male immediately argues, says, "You can't order me to do that". But after some more angry threats, he relents. His own brother basically affirmed the fact that he does not deserve a female as lovely as her. He is tortured endlessly of how he could love someone so much, and yet, fate gave her to someone else?

Then their journey officially begins in the next book. Fate once again, brings the two secret lovers together. Circumstances demand Elain train her powers, and who better to do that than the Spymaster himself? He is the only person (other than Amren, perhaps) with the type of skills (Seeing/Hearing/Spying without physically being there) to be able to understand how to build her powers. They train together, are forced to interact and finally they make up. They cannot stay away from each other, but they have been expressly forbidden to be together. So they sneak away to the garden, under the covers of the stars, when not even the shadows are awake to witness the two lovers find peace in one another. Their love, their bond grows stronger - until Azriel can't physically stay away from her and he finally tells her his suspicions - that they also share a bond. Once it snaps into place, Elain, sweet lovely Elain, understands she has been given not one bond, but two bonds. The cauldron loved her so much, it wanted her to have the choice of whom to love. Elain, after understanding this, decides they've hidden their love long enough. She accepts the bond with Azriel, making her choice forever. They live happily ever after, raising their kids alongside her sisters and their mates.

Idk you guys, clearly I have a bias, but I'm going for option C 🤭

#elriel #azriel #elain archeron #pro elain #elain x azriel #acotar #elain #antielucien #antigwynriel

[achaotichuman]

Y'all, I have a question. Is it stated literally anywhere in the books as to why Lucien is the Lady of Autumn's favorite son?

We know he's the child she always wanted to have with her lover, but is that really it? I know there may be something about him being the kindest, but surely if the Lady of Autumn had been only showing such deep love, affection and blatant favoritism towards Lucien, then obviously he is going to be the kindest, and obviously his other brothers are going to be bitter and jealous. Afterall no one is born bitter, and no one is born kind either.

If anything, it just looks like the Lady of Autumn uses Lucien as her vision of what her life could have turned out to be, in a similar manner to how some parents live vicariously through their children.

I know it's not entirely the Lady of Autumn's fault, this is her coping mechanism for being in such an abusive household. But it would definitely contribute to the emotional neglect of Lucien's other brothers.

Also, another thing I just thought of, is it not possible that Lucien is not Helion's only son out of the seven brothers? Afterall, the Lady of Autumn had been having an affair with Helion all throughout her son's lives, so it's not unlikely that Lucien isn't the only Heir of Day, but that's just a random theory I thought of.

Really, is there anything in the books that says or implies another reason as to why the Lady of Autumn favors Lucien? Because I don't think there is. Which, if Lucien being the Lady of Autumn's favorite was a determining factor in him not being corrupted by Beron's abuse, suddenly the other brothers don't look nearly as irredeemably evil as we were led to believe.

I think this all revolves around the idea that you have to be born from a good person to be a good person. We see that a lot in Sjm's books, where someone is just naturally good/evil because of their heritage. And people born from bad people have to 'redeem' or otherwise pay in some way just because of who they came from. Or what they had to do to survive living in an abusive household.

Could just be poor writing, but I need to know other opinions on this. Why does Lucien deserve to be the favorite, and therefore the only inherently 'good brother'? Just because he was born from Helion?

Obviously, this is centering around them all as children, or when they were young, Lucien as he is in the present only deserves all the nice things. But I think it's a character point that needs to be focused on, especially if Lucien being the LOA's favorite gained him favor within the Court, or otherwise special treatment, even just emotionally, that his brother's never got.

#acotar #acotar headcanons #acotar rant #kind of #really just thinking aloud #pro lucien vanserra #lucien vanserra #eris vanserra #pro eris vanserra #lady of autumn #the vanserra brothers

[i-sneezed]

Some Elriel evidence that doesn't get much attention.

First of all, if you're just having fun with your ships, you do you, man. I'm not here to rain on your parade.

However, there are so many people out there that are CONVINCED of Elucien/Gwynriel that I can't take it anymore and I have to throw in my two cents, so here we go. I'm gonna break it down by ship.

Elucien

There's no way, bro. And we can set aside the fact that if that ship were to sail it would be the same sort of love story as Nessian (reluctant mates).

The most obvious thing to discuss here is that Elain is clearly not interested. And neither, to some extent, is Lucien.

Let's look back to ACOWAR when Lucien talks to Elain in the library. He thinks about Jesminda. "[She] had loved him without question, without hesitation. She had chosen him. Elain had been...thrown at him."

Like Azriel, Lucien wants to be chosen. He's had it before and he sees the value in it. Unfortunately, he's a fae male and he has a hard time ignoring his instincts where his mate is concerned, so he keeps trying. Even though he can hardly stand to be in the same room as her. Whereas Vassa...

Elain, on the other hand, has absolutely no interest in a mating bond. After Graysen breaks her heart in ACOWAR, Feyre says, "Some sliver of hope had been shattered today. That Graysen would still love her, marry her--and that love would trump even a mating bond."

Obviously, that quote is in direct reference to her ex-fiance, but we see Elain reconfirm that desire in ACOFAS when she tells Feyre explicitly that she doesn't want a mate. I don't think it's personal to Lucien, I think she rejects the idea of being told who she should be with. Of being robbed of choice.

We learn from Nesta in ACOSF that their mother always said Elain would marry for "love and beauty". I think for Elain, a mating bond is not the same as love. Also, small aside, but who is constantly regarded as the most beautiful of the bat boys?

We haven't seen them have a conversation about their mating bond yet because why would we? That will happen in Elain's book (which is most likely next).

Gwynriel

I feel like this one is more dangerous to get into so I'll tread lightly.

Firstly, the majority of evidence for this ship comes from a bonus chapter that the majority of the fandom doesn't even know exists. Anyone who listens to the audiobooks doesn't know about it unless they poke around ACOTAR stuff online.

It doesn't make sense for an author to essentially change the entire trajectory of a story in a bonus chapter that most people don't know about.

Also, I think a big problem with the BC is that people read it after they finish the book, so it can feel like the most recent thing to happen in the story, but it's not. It happens about 2/3 of the way through ACOSF and a lot happens after that.

But before we get into that, let's talk about the shadows. People lose their damn minds that Az's shadows dance for Gwyn and vanish for Elain. The truth of it is that we don't know what dancing shadows actually mean, though. It's the first time we've seen it happen. However, we have seen his shadows vanish for someone other than Elain.

In ACOMAF, when Feyre meets the IC for the first time, they vanish for Mor. "Mor patted Azriel on the shoulder as she dodged his outstretched wing...The lurking shadows vanished entirely as Azriel's head dipped a bit."

So we know that the shadows vanish in the presence of someone Azriel has romantic feelings for, but we don't know what makes them dance.

Then, at the end of the BC (after he said he didn't even consider Gwyn to be a friend) he feels a spark of joy in his chest. Good. My shadow man deserves happiness.

But we know that it doesn't last because at the very next training right after Solstice, Neta comments that Az is "More aloof than usual" which clearly shows us that he is far more hung up on what happened with Elain than whatever may or may not be going on with Gwyn.

For her part, Gwyn becomes more comfortable around Azriel after Solstice. We love to see it because the poor girl has been so traumatized and, like Az, she deserves to be happy.

However, at no point does Nesta or Cassian suspect there to be any romantic connection between them. Not like how Nesta did with Az and Elain. ("His secret to tell. Never hers.").

And then at the climax of the book, Gwyn is thrown into the Blood Rite. At no point is Az even half as frantic as Cassian (which a mate would be) and he is way more preoccupied with whatever's going on with Eris.

At the end, when Nesta is getting ready for her mating ceremony, Gwyn tells her that she's not ready to leave the House of Wind again. Poor thing has been re-traumatized because of what happens in the BR and can't stand to leave the House. And y'all think she's ready for any kind of romantic relationship??

Nah, let Gwyn heal without the influence of a male.

Elriel

So I'm got gonna talk about the rescue, him figuring out she's a seer, giving her Truth Teller, or any of the usual stuff because that's been said and said and I have nothing to add to it.

Instead, I want to talk about what I believe their trope will be and share my evidence with the class. Cool? Cool.

Okay, so, I think we all know that if Elriel is endgame then their trope will be forbidden lovers.

Personally, I am of the opinion that the purpose of Az's bonus chapter was to confirm that for us, not suddenly change the entire trajectory of the story.

But forbidden lovers makes so much sense for Elriel because of what we've seen in the books, not just the BC.

Looking at ACOMAF again, Mor tells Feyre, "'Azriel's got no shortage of lovers, though, don't worry. He's just better at keeping them secret than we are.'"

Then, in ACOSF, when Feyre's talking about how Elain figured out she was pregnant first, she says to Azriel, "'I think she's got you beat for secret-keeping'".

So it's already in-canon that Azriel can keep his lovers secret very well and that Elain is just good at secrets in general.

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE

A moment I never see anyone talk about is something that Cassian observes at a family dinner. "Elain had already departed with Feyre, claiming she had to be up with the dawn to tend to an elderly faerie's garden. Cassian didn't know why he suspected this wasn't true. There had been some tightness in Elain's face when she said it. Normally when she made such excuses, Lucien was around, but the male remained in the human lands with Jurian and Vassa."

Elain already has secrets the IC aren't privy to. So what's one more?

#elriel #elain x azriel #elain archeron #azriel #lucien vanserra #gwyneth berdara #acotar #fandom ships

[viridianevergarden]

I’m sick and tired of hearing these:

“Elain will come around”

“Lucien deserves someone too”

“They’re mated”

“They’ll get along eventually”

Please.

These arguments are literally the most popular arguments that I see all the time in nearly every comment section about them.

Perhaps it’s me being overdramatic or in general a bit of a hot take but I feel like the people who say this have a little 🤏 internalized misogyny.

Like imagine genuinely feeling uncomfortable around somebody who you’re match made with and people continue to debate over whether or not you should “come around” just because the man deserves it.

Just because your dear Lulu deserves it?

It really rubs me the wrong way. What about Elain’s wants? What about her feelings? Her thoughts? As if her body language wasn’t obvious enough of a tell tale sign of her discomfort. Not to mention the fact that Lucien is also uncomfortable around her.

Moreover, regarding my thoughts on Lucien:

I also feel like the same people who say these things are the ones who truly glorify Lucien and think him to be some innocent puppy or just an all around good guy.

Do we not remember the fact that he enabled Tamlin’s abusive tendencies by doing nothing for Feyre? Do we not remember that he tracked Feyre down like some hunting dog to get her back because (mainly) Tamlin wanted her back? (Even then, it was all about Tamlin rather than Feyre, the one actually suffering the most.)

Lucien’s eye widened slightly. “We need to get out of here. Tamlin’s been—he hasn’t been himself. I’ll take you right to—” “No,” I breathed (ACOMAF, ch 47).

All about Tamlin.

I understand Tamlin saved his life. I understand that Tamlin means a lot to Lucien. They’ve been friends for centuries. I get it. But his constant “I’ll try to talk to him” wasn’t enough. I feel like Lucien should’ve been the bigger person in that situation with Feyre. She literally begged him for help.

“I begged you,” I said, the words sharp and breathless. “I begged you so many times to help me, to get me out of the house, even for an hour. And you left me alone, or shoved me into a room with Ianthe, or told me to stick it out.” (ACOMAF, ch 47).

He knew and recognized the fact that Feyre was actively wasting away under Tamlin’s discretion yet he chose to stand by because Tamlin is his friend and a High Lord. It’s honestly no better than kicking an already downed man.

Not to mention the fact that he compared Elain to his dead ex lover? And questions if Elain is even worth the attention or attempt to bond with? If she is even worth risking his life for just to get to the Night Court after betraying Tamlin? (Not very mate-like behavior). Kind of shitty if you ask me.

Lucien isn’t an amazing person, just as everyone else in the book. No one’s a 100% good guy in ACOTAR. But some actions (or rather inactions) are justifiable just as some others are not.

So all this talk about “Lucien deserves love too” while Elain is merely treated as a prop for him because he deserves love and not her too is utterly ridiculous. It’s gotten to the point where I neglect looking into ACOTAR comment sections lol.

Now with all of this being said, I don’t hate Lucien. I don’t love him either. He’s just there for me. There’s plenty wrong that he’s done just as anyone else. I just wish people would stop babying him and glorifying him as if he’s some saint. He deserves better than that.

And most of all, Elain deserves better treatment too. But then again, people in this fandom are ✨delusional✨ and close minded so I don’t think that may happen. Especially not until Elain’s book release.

Rant over.

#acotar #elain archeron #elriel #pro elain #I’m just saying man it’s outrageous #She has a choice too #Lucien’s not a saint

[elrielmoments]

Azriel has shown how much he likes Elain throughout the last four books in the ACOTAR series. Elain has shown that she reciprocates those feelings and wants to be with Azriel instead of tied to a mate she doesn’t like. She had no control in the matter and she hates it. It’s CLEAR that she and Azriel want to be together. It’s CLEAR that they are happy and at peace whenever they are together. All their interactions are so sweet and loving. He is gentle with her and not only that, but Azriel SEES Elain. He understands Elain. Just like Elain sees and understands Azriel.

When people say that Azriel and Elain shouldn’t be together. It’s because they find Elain boring because she deals with her feelings by gardening or baking. Or they want her to be with a person she doesn’t want to be with and is clearly uncomfortable around just because “Lucien deserves happiness.”

What about Elain? Doesn’t she deserve happiness. And it’s not only Elain who is uncomfortable around Lucien. He is also uncomfortable around Elain. Truth be told, I think he doesn’t want the mating bond either.

Azriel has shown time and time again how much he likes Elain and how much he cares for her. Elain has shown time and time again how much she likes Azriel and how much she cares for him.

LET THEM BE HAPPY AND AT PEACE WITH EACH OTHER. They deserve to be together. To be happy together. Finally.

#acotar #azriel #elain archeron #elriel #pro elriel #elriel supremacy #elriel endgame

[nikethestatue]

Never will I ever, EVER understand the hold that Lucien Vanserra has on parts of this fandom.

I am not a Lucien hater. To me, he is a throwaway character that did a good job being a comic relief and first friend to Feyre in ACOTAR. And that's it.

But my god. Every day there are all these glowing, obsessive posts about him. About how he deserves everything. About how he deserves his mate. His happiness. About how Elain is a slut for even considering anyone else, let alone trying to kiss another man while Lucien is around. That Feyre is an ungrateful bitch. Rhys is a Lucien abuser. Azriel is an unhinged maniac who wants to kill Lucien. Lucien suffered the most in the entire series. Nothing compares to the horrors that Lucien lived through. Lucien is homeless. Oppressed. Depressed. He doesn't have parents. He doesn't have friends. He is abandoned. Woe is Lucien.

And I am just like...wut?

You know who suffered more than Lucien? Literally EVERYONE in ACOTAR. Not to play trauma olympics, but really? Lucien is the most unfortunate character is ACOTAR? Are people nuts?

You know whose fate is 100 times worse?

Clotho!

Gwyn Berdara!

Rhysand!

Tamlin!

Elain Acheron!

Feyre Archeon!

Every Priestess in the Library!

And many more.

Lucien is a High Fae who's lived a privileged life his whole life. Yes, he's got a mean dad. His girlfriend was murdered. He lost his eye. None of these are easy things to live through. But I don't recall him watching his entire family die violently. Has he ever struggled with poverty? Didn't have enough to eat? Was he enslaved? Was he ever violently tortured? Was he forced into an unwanted marriage? Was he turned into a human against his will? Watched thousands of his people slaughtered in a war?

Elain's history and suffering are brushed under the rug like they mean nothing, but poor Lucien, who's moved from palace, to manor, to palace wearing his cream pants and glossy boots is the epitome of suffering. Rhys was tortured by his dad more intensely and cruelly than anything that Beron's ever done to Lucien. Somehow Emerie, who is permanently mutilated, truly oppressed, is a 'lesser' Fae, violently abused by her father, and not accepted by her people, is just an afterthought, but Lucien is praised and cried over (for basically exactly the same things as Emerie is living through) like he is the most tragic character in history.

I don't know. I don't get it. I will never get it.

[lorcandidlucienwill]

Ok man, I'm getting extremely tired of the Elriel's stagnant arguments. So let me debunk them. Forbidden romance! No, for God's sake, it is NOT forbidden. Feyre and Rhysand would support them both if Elain and Azriel truly loved each other. Not like Lucien would try to get in between them anyway. ElAiN dEsErVeS a ChOiCe! Choice implies multiple options! That means Lucien is a choice too! Elain has chosen Azriel for now! That doesn't mean she can't change her mind! Besides, haven't you EVER heard of the reluctant lovers trope? Be creative please. BuT wHaT iF tHe CaUlDrOn WaS wRoNg? Yeah, the Cauldron could be wrong about Eris and Mor, or it could be wrong about the Lady of Autumn and Helion. Why does this one line HAVE to be referring to elriel? SJM often uses lines like these to foreshadow plotlines yes, but she is never THAT obvious about it. Rhysand was being a hypocrite stopping the Azriel kiss! You could argue that he was, sure, but he was also trying to prevent a major political scandal. SJM isn't going to write Rhysand being wrong in any situation, lmao. Love or hate the character, it doesn't matter. That's just the way she has written him. Elain is an introvert! No. She's just traumatized. Nesta, her sister, says it. Lucien is a fake mate! Azriel showed mating behavior? Uhhhh no. Azriel went after MOR in the King of Hybern scene. Lucien went after guess who? Yeah, ELAIN. It was Nesta who realized Elain was gone and began to worry. Azriel only volunteered after Cassian couldn't go because he was wounded and he was the easy option aside from Feyre because he could hide in the shadows. And guess what? He saved Gwyn too! Maybe he just has a savior complex! Lucien is the one who was concerned about Elain's mental and physical health. Azriel seemed pretty chill when she wasn't eating. And he did NOT want to look after Elain. He made fun of Cassian for having to do it. ElAiN hAs TwO mAtEs! SJM is not going to write that. It would fuck everything up. She wants both characters to be happy. Gwyn is a lightsinger? Probably not, but so fucking what if she ends up being one? You think that's gonna deter Mr. Torturer Azriel? If anything that'll only bring them closer. Nice try. BuT luCiEn Is InTo VaSsA! NO. STOP IT. HE WAS CANONICALLY SEEN TO BE LOOKING AT ELAIN WITH LONGING IN ACOSF. DON'T SPREAD LIES. Vassa is definitely more into Jurian, which is a pairing that makes sense. Lucien is a side character. Um...no? Lucien has been around since book 1. He was a very significant character in that book as well. And in books 2 and 3, he might not have had as much screentime, but almost every moment he had was monumental. We see him survive the Night Court. We hear his story of fulfilling Calanmai, implying he is also chosen by the Spring Court. We have him helping Feyre kill off the twins of Hybern, bring back the army with Vassa, balance 3 roles and still dress immaculately, dominate Cassian with one word. He is also connected to almost every potential plotline in existence. Ok, this one isn't Elriel but some people say TaMlAiN! Because of the spring court foreshadowing. Guess who lived in the Spring Court for decades? Lucien! Guess who is the current Spring Court ruler but isn't doing much of ruling? Tamlin! Guess who also was able to do Spring Court Calanmai? Lucien! Wow, it almost looks like Lucien is going to replace Tamlin! SJM is not going to put one sister with another sister's ex anyway, that's weird. Elain has her chosen family in the Night Court in Nuala and Cerridwen! She belongs there! No. Just stop it. SJM could not be more clear with that line about the black dress sucking the life out of her and Elain being bothered by the cruelty in the Hewn City. Guess who is also pretty averse to violence? Oh yeah, Lucien! As for chosen family... Feyre had Tamlin and Lucien. They didn't end up being her chosen family, the IC did. Nesta didn't find her chosen family until her book. Lucien's band of exiles are not his chosen family either. Lucien and Elain are just really good at making friends.

#4 books of buildup means nothing #it's a sjm book #yrene didn't even exist until their book #trust the process girlies #anti e/riel #elucien #pro elucien #gwynriel #pro lucien vanserra #lucien vanserra

[sunnyshadows24]

Ever notice how most Elucien shippers ALWAYS bring up Lucien deserves to be happy? It’s the antis that say this that show you they don’t really care about lucien or elain as a character at all.

It’s usually the FIRST thing they bring up. Most elucien shippers don’t actually care for Elains character they say they just want Lucien to be Happy. This is why they talk so much crap about her when it comes to Azriel but then say she’s perfect for Lucien.

If you claim to love Lucien and you want him to be happy why would you want him with someone he’s not happy around? Why would you ship him with someone you think sucks and doesn’t even want him?

I do think there are some people who genuinely do ship elain and Lucien because they like them together but the majority just want to pawn Elain off on Lucien so she doesn’t end up with Azriel.

Idk if I thought one character was “boring, weak,entitled, needs to grow up or whatever else they say” I wouldn’t be shipping them with a character I really loved.

#azriel #pro elriel #elain archeron #acotar #elriel #sarah j maas #acosf #acowar

[luvvyouforever]

sfw alphabet - tamlin, high lord of the spring court

↳ tamlin is such an interesting character to write about and while i am not a tamlin apologist, i do think he deserves more written about him. he has so many layers that i, as a creative writer, would like to explore. so, here is a large collection of my headcanons about tamlin organized in the sfw alphabet template. enjoy, dears!

a : affection

-i think tamlin is slow to be affectionate. he's a gentleman at heart and grew up in a more traditional lifestyle. however, once you become partners or once that mating bond snaps, he will shower you in affection. this comes in the form of acts of service and providing for you. he would spend the whole day catering to your every need if you let him. when you're laying in bed, he keeps his arms tight around you. when you're in the kitchen or working on something, his hands will reach for you and pull you back into his chest. he is such a big forehead kisser too, i will accept nothing else. i imagine that he wraps you in his arms and leaves his lips on the top of your head. eek!

b : best friend

-since tamlin starts out being pretty isolated from a lot of people besides his own inner court, i would say making friends is rare for him. he has those really close bonds with people like lucien and perhaps you started working with him in a more work colleague way. slowly, you built a friendship after so much time spent together. he would be a very supportive friend who listens well. he doesn't think he's great at offering you advice so he would prefer to be in your presence and absorb every word you say, telling you that whatever choice you make is valid. tamlin also suits a friends to lovers trope very well i think.

c : cuddles

-tamlin loves feeling like a protector and when you're wrapped tight in his arms, drifting off to a safe sleep, he's in heaven. he loves to spoon you and rarely will he be the little spoon. it would take a particularly rough day for him to come to you, asking if you could hold him. he may rest his head on your chest while you enjoy a picnic by the lake but he gravitates towards holding you in any way he can.

d : domestic

-tamlin wants to settle down so bad it hurts him. he wants nothing more than to have a lifelong partner who is there for him, who he knows will be waiting on him to come home. he has dreams of you decorating his manor to your liking and, if you can, having a family together. as for his own cooking and cleaning skills, i think he relies a lot on magic to pick up after himself. instead of making the bed, he would wave his hand and it would fix the sheets immediately. i don't think he'd make you bare the weight of being the sole homemaker so if you wanted to, he'd love to help you cook or do anything around the manor.

e : ending

-i think tamlin would suck at breakups. he would feel so guilty all over for any reason he had while breaking up with someone. those feelings would overwhelm him until he convinced himself to stay by your side unless it came down to saving your life. he is willing to place your protection over his own happiness and if it came down to it, he would ensure that you knew how deep his love ran for you before he made the heartbreaking decision to send you on your way.

f : fiance

-tamlin would be quick to arrange a wedding after your mating bond snapped. he isn't scared of commitment but he is scared and insecure that after a while, you'd get bored of his presence and stop putting up with his habits. i think he'd be so happy proposing to you but as the wedding neared, he would get nervous and you could tell in the way he fidgeted any time you brought up the future. some sweet words though and he would feel much better.

g : gentle

-in some moments, tamlin could be the most gentle partner you had ever met. he would softly brush hair back behind your ear or his hand would trace delicate shapes along your spine that never failed to give you goosebumps. he's working on being more gentle emotionally, though. he can be high strung at times, and he knows this. when he feels his temper rising, he reminds himself of peaceful scenarios like waking up with you in a warm bed or swimming in the pool of stars with you. however, if you want him to be, he can be more forceful. imagine non-sexual dominance. sternly telling you to eat breakfast so you don't feel weak for the rest of the day or guiding you through unfamiliar places with a hand stuck to your waist.

h : hugs

-tamlin is such a big hugger. he loves the feeling of your body tight to his, wrapped up in his arms. he seeks out your presence after a long day of being high lord and the minute he sees you, he grabs your hand and pulls you into his chest. he stays like that for a few minutes, breathing in your scent and basking in your comforting atmosphere. if he has nothing to do in the morning, good luck getting out of bed. he'd mumble and grumble any time you try to escape his grasp. "but tam, i have to go to the bathroom really bad!" "mm-mm. not going. you're too cozy."

i : i love you

-tamlin is so the first person in a relationship to confess his love. granted, after everything that happened in his life, it would take him longer than usual and you may be the first to say it but generally, he feels everything incredibly deeply and he can't hold back those three words when he sees you enjoying the warmth of his lands or looking at him with more adoration than anyone in his life ever had.

j : jealousy

-tamlin can be a very very jealous person. especially in the beginnings of your relationship when nothing feels set in stone just yet. his jealousy never negatively affects you. he can't blame anyone for feeling drawn into your beauty and if anyone ever dares to act on those feelings, he would threaten them within an inch of their life. later that night, he'd hug you tight and mumble "all mine" into your skin while he kisses you, leaving a few more marks than he usually would.

k : kisses

-tamlin would find any time during his day to give you a kiss full of love and devotion that would nearly have your knees buckling. he is not one for quick pecks and each of his kisses hold as much as, if not more, emotion than the last. he likes kissing you on your forehead, as i said before, and your neck is one of his favorite spots. as for him, he likes having his shoulders and chest kissed. there's nothing that makes him feel weaker than when you're tucked into his chest, slowly falling asleep, and you leave lazy kisses along his exposed skin.

l : little ones

-tamlin is great around kids but he's horribly nervous to have kids of his own. on an outing to a spring court village, he played with a group of kids and he came back to you positively glowing. i really really imagine tamlin as a girl dad. he would let his daughter cover him in makeup, force a tiara on his head, and have tea parties with her. he's scared about being a bad dad to them but the minute he has his kid in his arms, every negative feeling seeps out of him and is replaced by soul-crushing love.

m : mornings

-rarely does tamlin have a morning where he has nothing on his plate. more often than not, he is rising before you and carefully slinks out of the blankets to begin his day. before he leaves to begin his duties, he will bring you a cup of tea that will stay hot and some pastries that alis made earlier. he leaves you a sweet note that never fails to make you smile.

n : nights

-sometimes, tamlin needs a little extra convincing to come to bed and all you have to do is pad out to his office, dressed in your pajamas (which is secretly his weakspot) and he'd be following after you like a puppy. he loves taking a warm bath before bed and when you're finally covered in blankets, he has to say nothing for you to curl into him. you'll stay up for a little longer, talking about your days or whispering sweet words to each other. he would never fall asleep first. he waits until your breathing evens out before closes his eyes and sleeps too. he doesn't move much through the night but if you do, his arms will subconsciously reach for you. he has to have your touch through the night.

o : open

-tamlin values honesty and loyalty. he will reveal information about him, about his past in bursts. it usually begins with surface level information before he gives in to your support and fully opens up about everything. he has to really, truly trust you to be able to tell you things. it takes him a while to be a good communicator and come to you with anything but when he does, he will hold on to your hands, stabilize his breathing, and come clean about anything bothering him.

p : patience

-tamlin is relatively quick to anger. when it comes to you, not so much. he will have significantly more patience and restraint when it comes to you. it would have to be pretty serious before tamlin would feel anger directed at you. however, when it comes to other people, tamlin has a high temper that he is learning to control. sometimes when he comes back to your bedroom, you can see the anger and tension in his body. he'll sit on the edge of the bed and without a word, you'd come up behind him and work your hands into his shoulders. he'd visibly relax and melt into your touch. his anger is nothing when compared to his appreciation for you.

q : quizzes

-tamlin remembers everything about you. you aren't sure how he does it. when you're out shopping or roaming a town, he will remember the jewels that your eyes lingered on for a second longer than the rest of them. he will remember your favorite books, the way you take your tea, how you like the bed to be made, your favorite perfumes, your favorite style of clothing. if you told him you like something in passing, he will take a note of it and stores it in a little drawer in his brain.

r : remember

-tamlin's favorite moment in your relationship has to be when he proposed to you. he knew how much you enjoyed roaming the rose gardens his father gifted his mother and decided he'd do something similar. one afternoon, he cleared out his entire schedule, telling lucien to watch the court while he took you out to a far end of his estate. he had it expanded to contain a garden made of your favorite flowers. he walked with you to the middle and just as you were admiring the beautiful flora, he got down on one knee and the look in your eyes permanently etched itself into his brain and he frequently remember the memory on bad days.

s : security

-tamlin is a protector. it's the role that he loves and thrives in. he wants to help you and keep you safe against everything. however, he knows to rein in that instinct now. you won't be going on any particularly dangerous missions soon but he will gladly allow you to come along with him to his high lord duties and grants lucien permission to teach you self-defense. in actual danger, tamlin would lay down his life to protect yours. he's pushing you behind his body, holding his arm out, taking down anyone who poses a threat to your safety. if the tables turn, though, and it's your turn to protect him, he will be forever grateful. he will spend his entire life trying to repay you for the debt.

t : try

-the high lord of the spring court enjoys a celebration and enjoys a reason to spoil you. anniversaries, holidays, and birthdays are very important to him. he will remember the date, acquire gifts, and shower you with affection all day. in every day life, he makes a point to show you love even when stuck in high lord duties. he has alis prepare your favorite foods, clothes appear in your closet, notes are left around your room, and when he can, he will come to meals with you. dinner with you every single night is required unless it is a life or death situation.

u : ugly

-tamlin holds a lot of self-resentment and he has so many walls that he put up to protect himself against pain. like i wrote before, he also has a high temper but he's slowly found ways to work out the frustration and anger he feels. he doesn't get the best sleep either. not only does he stay up late but he sleeps lightly, meaning most noises and movements wake him up.

v : vanity

-i don't think tamlin has to do much to look good. he wakes up and you find yourself in awe of the ethereal man before you. his golden hair falls perfectly on the pillow and throughout the day, it lays perfectly on his shoulders. his physique does not need much upkeep except for regular trainings with lucien or other sentries. the only thing that preoccupies his mind is his clothing. his tunics must be neatly pressed and if he had to dress up for anything, his clothing would be made of the best possible material.

w : whole

-tamlin has gone a while without a lifelong, stable partner and he used to feel fine with that fact. however, since he has met you, he feels incomplete without you. he feels as though you are his other half, you are his good side, he is not himself when he is not with you. his attitude changes after he spends a long time apart from you. he's mopey and more agitated than usual. however, as soon as he can spend his mornings and nights with you again, he feels at peace.

x : xtra

-he enjoys using his shapeshifting powers and showing them off around you. while his beast form can be utterly horrifying, you don't feel threatened at all, knowing that underneath, it is simply your love. on days when he's feeling goofy or flirtatious, he'll change into his form, find you exploring the forest, and nudge you for attention. he won't stop until you pet him even though his form towers over you entirely. you don't mind cuddling up with his beast form either! even with magic ensuring the court stays in spring, he sometimes can't help the cold breezes that pass through, casting a chill over the lands. during these times, you revel in the warmth he radiates.

y : yuck

-tamlin would not like a partner that is rude to others. he values the people who work in his manor, who live in his village, who staff his army. he would be immediately turned off if you were to be rude to any one of them. as for general things he dislikes, i think he doesn't enjoy storms and prefers gentle weather where sun peaks through the curtains and it's just warm enough outside. i imagine that he has a very refined food palette but he is particular about his food as well. his meats need to be cooked perfectly and if something tastes off, he will not scold anyone or become upset but simply not eat.

z : zzz

-tamlin snores very softly but it's quite a comforting noise that often lulls you to sleep. since he's musically inclined, he would enjoy humming lullabies in your ear while he spoons you. he needs to touch you throughout the entire night and even when his fear of losing you starts to dissipate, the habit continues. on nights when he feels restless, he will slowly slip out of bed, down to the kitchen, where he will make some tea infused with some great sleep aids.

#tamlin #tamlin x reader #tamlin headcanons #sfw alphabet #acotar #acotar series #acotar headcanon #acotar x reader

[harmonyindark245]

Character Hate

This is 100% a rant and you don’t have to agree with me, but I really needed to talk about it. I’ve been trying to distance myself from the ACOTAR fandom because of all the toxicity, but I always find myself drawn back, especially with the new books coming out and everything. There is a big difference between hating and disliking. And I understand disliking certain characters because they don’t sit right with you. But one thing that I cannot fathom, is the hatred. Why has everyone decided to hate on characters that aren’t our favorite? I just wanted to point out a few specific characters. 

Rhys 

He’s secretly evil. Really? Did you all not read the first three books? I get the argument that we only see him from Feyre’s pov, but even Feyre disliked him until we found out his truth. Also, can we talk about the absurdity of this claim? The man who was SA’d for FIFTY YEARS, who hasn’t even shared his trauma with his MATE because he doesn’t want to burden her with it. The man gave it all up for his friends, family, and PEOPLE. As an Elriel shipper, I was pissed at Rhys for interrupting them, but I GET IT. He wasn’t sure if he was going to survive, if his mate was going to live. Then there was all the other drama that was happening. Of course, he wouldn’t want one of his close friends going out and dueling with the son of a high lord (and technically heir of a whole court). And at the start of ACOSF, Rhys has every reason to hate Nesta, and I don’t think that needs to be justified. And in HOFAS, as a High Lord, he again had every right to be pissed. I just feel like sometimes you guys forget that as well as being a part of their family, he’s also the High Lord of the Night Court.

Nesta

Yes, I will admit that she’s not a good person. But she worked through it. She went through traumatic experiences, that if anyone of us goes through, we would probably behave the same way as she did. But she worked on herself. She healed. She became a Valkyrie. Nobody could hate Nesta more than she hates herself. And I admit that I could never completely love Nesta because as someone who has been in a position that Nesta had been, I can’t even imagine letting my younger sister go through all of that to keep us alive. It’s a completely personal reason, because I would do anything for my sister, and the way Nesta didn’t do anything when they most needed it will always anger me. But I still admire her for how she tried to bring herself back. Because it’s not easy. Feyre was also the same when she was depressed and she also worked on herself. Even though I don’t like Nesta, she does not deserve the hate she gets. 

Feyre (?!)

If you hate Feyre, you probably should’ve stopped reading around the second book.

Elain

What is it with people hating on Elain? I never understood how you can hate someone who has done NOTHING to ANYONE. The only possible reason people could hate Elain is because she happened to like a boy. It’s not as if she didn’t want to help out with the court. She even apologized to Feyre. She even took part in the war. So what is the problem with her? Just because she doesn’t like Lucien and likes Azriel she deserves to be hated upon? She’s boring? She can’t give birth to Azriel’s kids? Is that really what we’re getting to? Again, I can understand disliking her because she wasn’t helpful during the cabin, or maybe because she was rude to Nesta or whatever, but hating her for such feeble reasons? Let’s not forget that it was Elain who convinced Nesta to let Feyre and the three unknown Fae males inside their house and offer it up as a meeting place.

Gwyn

Just because a group of people want to ship Gwyn with Azriel doesn’t mean that other people have the right to hate her. She has done NOTHING wrong. She hasn’t even shown interest in the man. She has her things she’s going through and she is also trying to heal. There has been not a single action done by her yet that deserves the hatred she gets. As an Elriel shipper, I will admit some people unnecessarily try to bring Gwyn down. 

Fans

We are all the same. We read this amazing series by SJM and love the characters and dynamics and want to talk about it share our thoughts and theories and write pieces of fiction for others to enjoy. It’s vile how many hate comments are passed around in this community. You enjoy what you love, and let others enjoy what they love. You don’t need to prove your likes by bringing other people and characters down. You may not realize it, but some of us relate to our favorite characters, and when you say hurtful things against the character, it truly feels like a personal attack. The main reason why I couldn’t stay in the fandom anymore was because of the claims that Elain didn’t deserve to be with Azriel because she couldn’t have his kids. As someone suffering from PCOS and might not be able to have kids, that statement always breaks my heart. Do people think that just because a woman can’t have kids she doesn’t deserve love? There are so many examples of such small claims causing hurt to the fans, which is not what fandoms are for. 

And with that, if you have something negative to say about my rant, then please keep it to yourself. 

#acotar #rhysand #feyre archeron #nesta archeron #elain archeron #gwyneth berdara #elriel #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf

[stargirlie25]

The Bonus Chapter RECAP. (All canon)

Azriel bought a necklace for Elain

He gave it to Elain

shadows are gone

He put in on Elain

Its so wrong to him.

Feels unworthy of tainting her with his presence.

He finds her beautiful and has many Sexual fantasies that he only thinks of at the dead of night even when his shadows is asleep.

He almost kissed her

He said it was a mistake

he did not apoligise

His reason for wanting her was : she is the 3rd. She is supposed to be my mate. Not Luciens. It does not make sense. He does not deserve her.

He has unresolved feelings for Mor. (he ignores Rhysands question and in acosf still has signs of feelings towards her)

He does not picture anything other than sexual fantasies with Elain.

Rhysand dismissed him with a warning

Azriel was in a foul mood

He needed to work off his frustration and need

There he found Gwyn

His shadows had not warned him

They talked

she gave him the option to leave (happy solstice) since that would make sense considering he needed alone time

he chose to stay anyway and crack a joke (not very Azriel like huh)

We learn that he sings and sleeps with a dagger

She made him laugh

She made him chuckle

We saw their harmless but adorable banter

He finds her charming

He feels calm around her+plus his shadows but before he felt unworthy and nothing.

His shadows dance with her breath and just chill on his shoulders as if they just want to watch.

He did was not thinking of Elain once in this interaction even though he had previously been mad and needed to taste her 😸 and needed to be inside her.

He tells Gwyn not to stay out to long or she will freeze

He leaves the training pit, and hears a beautiful melody and could have sworn his shadows sang back.

Elain gave the necklace back....because she did not want it.

He plans to give it back to the Palace of threads and jewels but finds himself in the library at 7 in the evening.

He asks clotho to give it to Gwyn if he sees her

He tries not to cross his arms so he does not look scary because he is aware of why the females are in the library in the first place.

Azriel seems to be searching for words when clotho says it would be a lie to say it was from Rhysand.

He then says to maybe give it to another who would like it. That he is not leaving with it.

Now clotho previously so through his lie when he answered ''i lost the snowball fight today'' when she mentioned his eyes were sad. So it would make sense she saw that maybe he would be more comfortable with giving to someone else.

Instead she said she would give it to Gwyn and say a friend left it for her.

He does not go as far to consider Gwyn a friend

Clotho thanks him for the joy it will bring her

Azriels chest sparks

He nodded his thanks for giving it to Gwyn.

For whatever reason he can ''picture it proper'' of how Gwyns teal eyes might light upon seeing the necklace.

It brought a smile to his face.

He tucked the image away but it remained, glowing and shimmering.

The feeling of Gwyn to Azriel: A thing of secret lovely beauty

The bonus chapter ends.

Ship wars aside, i need elriels,gwynriels,eluciens,vassiens all to know the Necklace is Gwyns.

Please respect that Elain gave back the necklace.

Meaning it is not hers anymore.

He was literally about to return it meaning it would go to a stranger.

Then he went to library and asked Clotho to give to Gwyn.

She said she would and she 100% did (clotho does not lie. Please dont say she does. She calls out Azriels lie)

It is now Gwyns necklace. Not Elains. Gwyns property.

Not that Elain Archeron would ever but some people think Elain has the right to take it back because Azriel gave it to her first?

No she is the one who gave it back. She does not want it. Even if she did she cant because its Gwyns necklace and hers only.

Just respect that its Gwyns and Elain doesn't want it.

#pro gwynriel #anti elriel #vassien #anti vassien #pro elucien #bonus chapter #pro gwyn #pro elain #pro lucien #azriel