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mothandpidgeon · 9 days

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The Outlaws (outlaw!Joel Miller x f!reader) - Chapter 3

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SERIES MASTERLIST

pairing: Outlaw!Joel Miller x f!reader

rating: E (18+ MDNI)

wc: 3.2k

summary: Wanted for murder with a bounty on your head, your only hope of escaping the Pinkerton detectives is an outlaw named Joel Miller and his sidekick Ellie. But Joel has other plans for you.

tags: old west au, enemies to lovers, grumpy Joel, handcuffed together, only one bed, riding a horse together, one mention of pee, hand touching, strip tease I guess, Tommy and Maria, morally grey characters, reader has backstory, moth never uses y/n

authors note: Been holding onto this chapter since I haven't finished the next one but I really want to share this with you! Thank you @ezrasbirdie for beta and helping me untangle this mess and being the wind beneath my wings.

There are six links in the chain that separate you from Joel Miller. You count them over and over again. As you lay awake by the dying campfire. When he rattles them just after dawn to rouse you from the sleep you’d finally fallen into. While you drink the rancid coffee he boils over the fire.

You imagine them leaving an imprint on Joel’s tanned neck. Red, purple, bruising his skin as you use it to choke him to death.

You spend the morning following him to and fro as he and Ellie pack up camp.

“You know how to whistle?” Ellie asks you.

She’s been sticking her forefinger and thumb between her lips trying to get a sound out of them.

“Afraid not,” you tell her.

“You’re with me,” Joel says. He stands beside his horse, hand on his hip.

“I have to wear this damn bracelet the whole way?” you ask.

He nods.

“Do you think I’m crazy enough I’d jump off a horse?” you ask.

His eyes rake up and down your body and you try to ignore the heat that flashes across your skin. “Yep.”

Once he’s in the saddle, he hauls you up behind him. Not like you have much choice.

“You go for my gun and—“

“I know, I know,” you tell him.

You have ample opportunity to study the outlaw, at least the back side of him, as you ride behind him. He’s broad and sits tall in the saddle like he was born for it. You watch his shoulders under the fabric of his shirt, tempted to smooth your palms over them. With your wrists connected, you’ve got to keep your hands at his middle. His narrow hips roll with the movements of the animal beneath him, and you grip onto his shirt imagining how powerful it would feel to take him from behind.

He barely acknowledges you. There are a couple of times when you rest your cheek against his back just because you know it’ll annoy him. It works. He looks over his shoulder at you and you can hear the grumble vibrate through his body.

The three of you ride all day, stopping only twice to stretch your legs. Both times, Joel helps you down with his hands on your waist. You shouldn’t enjoy it as much as you do but his hands are big and his eyes dart away from yours. He stops touching you as quick as he can, as if you’re a hot kettle that might burn his fingers.

Your amusement is short lived as you have to suffer the indignity of squatting behind a bush with your arm outstretched towards fucking Joel Miller while you take a piss.

It’s dusk when you reach your destination— an old two-story roadhouse with a sign that reads The Dusty Boot. There’s nothing else around but a barn, an outhouse, and open country. Seems like an ideal place to keep a hideout.

Joel hands you down from the saddle again but before you head inside, he rounds on you.

“Now listen here, missy,” he says. “When we go in there, you keep that trap shut. No talking about bounties or the like. Not a peep out of you. Understand?” Joel asks you.

You twist your pinched fingers in front of your lips as if you’re locking your mouth the same as your wrist is locked in that cuff. It’s a command you have absolutely no intention of following.

By the frown on his face, it seems he knows that.

“And you let me do the talking,” he tells Ellie.

“Maria’s got a stick up her ass,” she laughs.

“Ellie,” Joel scolds.

“You said it yourself!” she says.

Joel sighs and trudges forward, dragging you along with him.

The inside of the Boot is cozy and rustic. There’s a large parlor with a number of tables, the paneled walls are decorated with antlers and horse shoes. After a full day bouncing on horseback, you’d love to sit your ass down in one of the winged back chairs in front of the fireplace. Most importantly for your new companions, the place is empty. If there are other guests, they’re up in their rooms.

At one end of the room, a man in an apron with a rag thrown over his shoulder stands behind a modest bar.

“Hey, brother!” he calls, a smile lighting his face.

You can see a resemblance between the two men– the same dark eyes and tan complexion, though Joel’s has been kissed by the sun.

“Tommy?” you whisper to Ellie.

She nods.

Tommy’s as slim as Joel is broad and he looks a bit younger. If Joel ever bothered to smile maybe he’d lose a few years off his face, too.

“Been a while, stranger,” he says. “How’s it going, kid? Still giving him hell?”

“We need a place to lay low for a bit,” Joel says, cutting the pleasantries.

You’re not sure if Tommy’s disappointed that this isn’t a social call but he nods and says, “Yeah, alright. You gonna introduce me to your lady friend?”

Joel bristles at the suggestion that you might be anything other than his prisoner. You give a smile and lift your fingers to your brow as if to tip your hat. As you do, the chain rattles obnoxiously and Joel glares at you.

“What the hell, Joel!” Tommy’s jovial expression has transformed to a look of horror.

“She’s got a bounty on her. I’m taking her to Jackson,” Joel explains.

“Maria ain’t gonna be happy about that,” Tommy says.

“Isn’t going be happy about what?”

A lean woman has appeared at the top of the stairs. She stands tall, shoulders back with a cool air. Her simple, grey dress is neat and spotless just like, you note, the room around you.

Joel quickly takes his hat off. He nudges Ellie to do the same. He’s tense and you can’t tell if he resents this woman or he’s afraid of her. Maybe a little of both.

You like her.

She sighs heavily as she descends the steps.

“Tommy, please tell me I’m seeing things because it looks to me like your brother has a woman shackled to himself in my parlor,” she says.

“You ain’t,” Tommy replies. He sounds just as exasperated.

Maria sizes you up with a look that’s half pity, half disdain. She’s a beautiful woman. Deep brown skin and sharp, appraising eyes. You can only imagine what she thinks of you. A night sleeping in the dirt can’t have done you any favors and certainly neither did a day bouncing around on horseback.

“How’d she get that bruise, Joel?” Maria asks.

You stroke the spot on your face gently as though it really hurts. In truth, you’ve pretty much forgotten that it’s there.

“She came by it on her own,” Joel says.

“That true, darlin’?” Tommy asks you, his voice full of concern.

Joel’s face contorts in what you can only describe as disgust that his brother would think him capable of such a thing.

You give a noncommittal shrug.

“That’s courtesy of the Pinkerton man she was with before we picked her up. Joel gave him what for,” Ellie explains.

Tommy nods.

“We’re just wanting a couple nights to keep our heads down. Ain’t nothing we ain’t asked for before,” Joel says.

“That’s fine. If you unlock her,” Maria says.

“She’s a murderer. You want me to let her loose around your nice customers?” Joel asks.

“I’ve already got three criminals in here. What’s one more?” she says.

“Come on, Joel. Let her be,” Tommy says. “She ain’t gonna give you the slip. Are you, darlin’?”

“Well, if given the opportunity—“ you admit.

“Joel, take that damn cuff off her. And you,” Maria turns on you, “give him your word you won’t try to run while you’re under this roof. Or so help me god I will throw all three of you out.”

“The hell did I do?” Ellie asks.

You’re beginning to understand why you sensed fear on Joel. For a second there, you’re more afraid of enduring her wrath than you are facing the executioner.

“Yes, ma’am,” you say almost involuntarily.

“Shake on it,” Tommy suggests.

You extend your hand to Joel with a saccharine smile. Tommy’s obviously gone soft since he left the gang if he believes somebody like you would be beholden to a handshake promise. It’s sweetly naive.

Joel’s thinking the same thing. You can see it all over his face. He grinds his molars.

“You do what I say when I say it,” he insists.

“Sure thing, boss,” you say.

He shakes your hand.

Joel watches your every move.

He’s been wanting to get Tommy aside to talk but he doesn’t dare to take his eyes off you. You’re unleashed and eager to run and he’s not willing to lose his bounty just because his sister-in-law is so sanctimonious.

“Hey, Tommy. Why did the cowboy go to the doctor?” Ellie asks.

Evening has descended on the Boot. A stage coach pulls in for the night. Its two passengers take their supper at the bar while their driver warms his hands at the hearth. Ellie and Joel sit across from you in the corner, bowls of hot stew on the table. Hers is empty before Joel’s even managed to bring his spoon to his lips.

Joel notices things about you. He wishes he would stop noticing how attractive you are.

Your eyes are sharp and fast. He can tell you’re making note of anything and everything that might help you escape. You massage at your wrist which is now naked with delicate fingers. You lick your lips jealously when Tommy sets a whiskey down in front of his brother.

You don’t have good table manners. The way you stab at potatoes is particularly violent. You probably wish those tines were going into his eyeball.

“How come?” Tommy asks. He wipes his hands with his bar rag, eyes twinkling with delight.

“He was feeling a little hoarse!” Ellie cackles.

Joel shakes his head. The kid is a handful but she’s grown on him. Her puns have not.

He looks up to find you smirking. Not because you find the joke funny. No, you’re laughing at Joel.

He reaches across the table and puts his hand around yours. He shouldn’t touch you again, not since he shook your hand and felt the softness of your skin on his. He spent all day with you practically pressed against his back, getting hints of lavender each time he turned his head in your direction. Such a sweet scent for somebody like you. It’s been a long time since he felt the weight of a woman on him. His body doesn’t know that you’re as dangerous as a mountain lion and slippery as an eel. It just cares that you’re pretty and you’re closer than you ought to be. And it wants more of that.

Your muscles tense around the horn handle of your fork. Joel unwraps your fingers from the utensil, focusing on the task at hand not the feel of you under his fingertips or the wide eyed stare you give him. His heart is beating double time when he replaces your pointed fork with a spoon.

Your shoulders soften when he releases you. You remind yourself to sit up straight.

“Enough jokes,” Joel tells Ellie.

“He ain’t no fun,” Tommy laughs.

You continue to keep your big eyes on Joel as you finish your stew.

“That was good eating Miss Maria,” you say when she clears bowls from the table. “I don’t rightly remember the last time I had a proper meal.”

You’re a fool if you think you’ve got an ally in Maria. Just because she got you unlocked doesn’t mean she thinks you’re anything better than trash. Her daddy was a justice of the peace and she’s never taken kindly to criminals either. It still vexed him that she’d fallen for Tommy but then again she blamed Joel for all of his brother’s failings.

“I know a thing or two about cooking. I’d be happy to lend a hand,” you tell her.

Joel lets out a sharp laugh. Your voice is sweeter than Joel’s heard and you're laying it on thick buttering Maria up.

“What’s funny about that?” you demand.

“You don’t know a thing about cooking but I’m sure you’d like to get a knife in your hand,” Joel says.

“As a matter of fact, I do know how to cook. More than cowboy beans,” you spit.

“I appreciate the offer. It'd be nice to get a hand in the kitchen for once,” Maria says probably just to get a rise out of him.

“That’s too bad. I ain’t letting you out of my sight,” he says.

He stands, stretching out the sore muscles in his lower back.

“Got the front room for ya,” Tommy says. “I’m guessing you’re not looking to sleep in the common room.” He glances towards the other guests.

Joel and Ellie have stayed amongst the strangers in the big room on the second floor when the rest of the private accommodations are taken. With you ready to bolt, though, it’s not an option.

“I want my own room. Take it out of my share,” Ellie tells Joel when he gives her a stern look. “I’m sick of listening to you snore.”

“That’s a wonderful idea,” Maria says.

Despite her contempt for their criminal lifestyle, Maria dotes on Ellie. Like she’s leaving a saucer of milk out for a feral cat, hoping one day it’ll come inside to lay by the fire. “Tommy’ll set that up for you.”

“I’ll bunk with the kid,” you say.

“Nice try,” Joel says.

“Ain’t this cozy,” you say.

You’ve stepped into the room you’ll be sharing with Joel.

Cozy’s one way of putting it. There’s barely enough space to open the door without hitting the iron framed bed. Beside that is a night stand with a porcelain wash basin, a chair, and a window. There’s about two paces of open floor in either direction. It’s hardly big enough for the both of you.

But that works to Joel’s advantage. He doesn’t want you going far.

As soon as the door shuts behind him, he clamps the handcuff around your wrist once again.

“Come on now,” you whine. “What about our truce?”

“That’s for Maria’s benefit. And she ain’t here,” Joel says.

You’re well beyond arguing and rolling your eyes.

“Well you can’t expect me to sleep in these dirty clothes again. Can you at least give me my arm for a minute so I can get out of ‘em?” you ask.

Joel’s eyes travel over you and he swirls his tongue over his teeth. It’s not a difficult decision for him. If you want to undress and lay in bed in your underthings, he’s not going to stop you. He unlocks the cuff and moseys over to lean against the door. You’re not going to run out of there.

“You going to stand there and watch?” you ask, fingers pausing at the buttons on the top of your bodice.

Joel presses his shoulders against the door, making himself comfortable.

“How do I know you ain’t got a weapon in them petticoats?” he asks.

“If there was, you’d already be dead,” you say.

He lets out a chuckle.

“Suit yourself,” you say.

A cool smile comes over your features. You continue undoing the buttons as you turn towards him so he can see you straight on. Slowly, you reveal what’s underneath– the lines of your corset, a sweet ribbon at the top of your chemise, and an expanse of decolletage. You slide the bodice off of your shoulders and toss it onto the floor, then continue on to your skirts.

“That brother of yours is handsome,” you tell him. One skirt falls away. “Did he leave you for that woman or she come after that?”

Joel doesn’t answer. You don’t seem to care.

“She don’t like you,” you tease.

You square him with defiant eyes, inviting him to look, daring him to stay in control. More flesh is revealed. Your blue corset presses the swell of your breasts above the chemise and you bend forward to give him a little show. Ripe, soft. He salivates.

Joel tries not to enjoy himself too much. He shouldn’t. And not just because this could easily turn into a trap.

“She don’t like you neither,” he says.

You shrug.

He could have you any which way he wanted with just the promise of letting you go. He wouldn’t even have to do it. Just say the word and you’d get on your knees for him. It doesn’t feel right, though, taking advantage of somebody so desperate. So he just watches, trying to keep his features indifferent as each piece of frilly fabric hits the floorboards. He hooks his thumb into his gun belt, hoping that it might obscure the growing strain in his dungarees.

By the time you’re undoing the metal fasteners at the front of your corset, he’s biting down on the inside of his cheek. He tastes blood when there’s nothing more separating him from your body than a gauzy chemise and cotton drawers.

You go to the wash basin and splash water on your face and neck. Some droplets fall and make your chemise cling to your damp skin.Y ou moan happily, refreshed. The noise is obviously exaggerated but it still makes Joel ache.

You linger like that for a moment, lazily swaying your bare shoulders. Finally, you step towards Joel, crowding him against the door. The space between the two of you is hot and his breath shallows. He can see the outline of your peaked nipples beneath the flimsy material. The thought passes his mind again, how easy it would be to toss you back onto the mattress and help himself to all of you.

You raise your hand to him and for a moment, he’s forgotten what’s going on here. The sly grin on your lips tells him that you’re well aware of the effect your nearly naked body is having on him. He swallows and slips the cuff around you again. His knuckles graze the inside of your wrist as he locks it. Delicate, warm skin.

Pleased with yourself, you crawl onto the bed. Joel wills his cock to behave as he slips out of his boots and coat. He soaks his bandana in the wash basin and cools the back of his neck. Once he’s in his union suit, he sets his holster down on the floor beside his pillow and swings his legs into the bed. He locks himself to you and tucks the key next to his gun.

“Well ain’t this romantic,” you say from your spot against the wall. “Feels like my wedding night all over again.”

Joel stares at the ceiling. The bed’s a tight fit, his shoulders touch yours when he lays on his back. You’re leaned on your elbow smiling like the cat that ate the canary. He smells that lavender again.

He rolls onto his side, away from your leering. You laugh to yourself as he squeezes his eyes shut for a very long night.

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Chapter 4

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#outlaw!Joel Miller #joel miller #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller fic #pedro pascal #pedro pascal character #ellie williams #tommy miller #maria tlou #tlou

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marvelwitchergilmore · 9 months

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Quiet Crushes

Summary: Joel Miller x Fe!Reader ~ You have always been nervous around Joel Miller. Ever since he came to town it's like you're a teenager again with a crush on the hottest guy in school. But, when someone unexpected turns up, it seems that even Joel has found the courage to talk to you.

Disclaimer: I haven't written in a while so there may be some spelling mistakes (I'm gonna blame the lack of sleep). Fluff, angst, idiots in love, speechless around crushes, kissing.

You didn’t know how long it had been since you’d last slept. 12 hours? 24? None of it mattered. All you could focus on was your brother, lay on the bed in your spare room, breathing up and down, freshly cleaned and slowly healing physically.

Joel was downstairs in the kitchen cooking something.

You’d heard the pans clatter every couple of minutes until you heard the mugs and the plates. But you couldn’t concentrate on that. Your gaze and mind remained focused on your brother’s chest, watching it rise and fall; fearful that if you looked away, even if just for a second, he would stop and he’d be gone from you and this world permanently.

You’d not seen him in almost four years and in that time you’d somehow convinced yourself he’d died. That a clicker or worse had got to him and killed him. He’d been dead to you for just over three years. But despite this, part of you still held hope.

That was the only part of you that was happy.

It was proved right. Your brother was alive…to an extent.

Lord knows what he saw and what he went through to find you. You didn’t even want to imagine. Your mind had been so focused on getting him cleaned up, you couldn’t bring yourself to step over the line and ask the questions about his scars.

He’d tell you in his own time, you hoped.

The moment you saw him walk through the doors of Jackson…you felt your heart both drop and soar at the same time. He was like a drowned-rat in the rain. Both of you were by the time you left Joel’s side from the covered porch of the Tipsy Bison to run out to the muddied path in the rain and embrace your brother.

The mud on your jeans proved to you that you’d been there to hold him in the mud when you both collapsed from the sheer impact of the hug.

You vaguely remembered Joel telling you to get a shower…but you couldn’t remember how long ago that was. The moment they carried your brother into his room, you hadn’t so much as left his side, let alone the room.

You patched up his wounds whilst he slept and woke him part way through so he’d finally eat something and get his strength up.

It was only as you sat alone in the silence of your sleeping brother that you let your mind go back to the moments just before he’d come through the gates.

You’d been talking to Joel or, at least, trying.

Ever since Joel arrived in Jackson, your crush on him had been a burden to bear.

You never liked having crushes; they either lead to embarrassment or pain. Neither sounded appealing.

And, so, for the first eight months, any conversation you had with him never extended past three words a day, if that. You’d remain quiet and get your work done.

It was only after these eight months that Tommy came to you, asking you to actually try and talk to Joel. You were only one of the few that didn’t. Whilst the others seemed to have something against Joel, Tommy seemed to be blind to the fact that you actually had something for Joel.

But Maria wasn’t.

She saw it instantly.

The way the blood rushed to your face. The way your breathing became unsteady and you couldn’t seem to form a single sentence in his presence.

You liked Joel…a lot.

As did many other women in Jackson.

And men.

But still, no matter how hard you tried, you were just a bumbling mess around Joel.

After Tommy’s talk, you’d been fixing a lightbulb in the Tipsy Byson when the bulb shone too bright, shocking you and causing the ladder to rattle beneath you.

However, it stopped falling when Joel caught it, and you.

His hands were on your waist.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes.” you eventually managed to answer as you climbed down.

You could only be thankful that your back was to Joel but the instant you turned around, you were met with his gaze and any human function you had in your body seemed to instantly disappear. After a couple of attempts, you managed to make your “Thank you,” loud enough for the human ear to hear before running off.

It seemed to only get worse after that.

And already being aware that you were a blushing mess when you even thought about him only added to that. Feeling the heat of your cheeks, and being all too aware of it when faced with Joel Miller only increased your embarrassment.

There were some moments where you thought he was flirting with you but your conscience quickly brushed that aside. After all, why would Joel Miller be interested in you when most of Jackson was after him?

And that evening, everything felt like it was coming to a head. You were so sure Joel knew about your feelings towards him, despite the fact you wanted to forget about them. Why else would he ask you to go outside with him? You figured he’d let you down gently at least. Tell you he wasn’t interested but he’d be sure you were a lovely woman.

Instead, he’d stepped closer to you.

If it had been anyone else, maybe you would have backed away. But not with Joel.

He wasn’t threatening to you in his gaze or his touch but rather gentle, soft and kind. Despite all what you had heard about him, you’d never seen him be anything but kind and caring to those around him. A vastly different version that Tommy had been expecting, that’s for sure.

You couldn’t even remember what Joel had said to you.

One minute your mind was growing dizzy with the simple thought of him. The next, you’d flicked your eyes away for a moment only to see a lad run at full speed past the bar and towards the gates.

Both you and Joel’s gaze followed the lad and when you saw your brother…Joel saw the change in you.

Most times, you were flustered. Running here, there and everywhere. Hell, you rarely seemed to have time to have a conversation with him before you were dashing off to somewhere else.

Since he started working with Tommy again, he wanted to know more about you.

You seemed to keep to yourself, mostly. Tommy said you were trustworthy and the one to go to whenever or if ever he had a problem whether that be with a light fixture, plumbing, cooking or even just with life.

That day you’d nearly fallen from the ladder, he’d hoped to have a drink with you - talk to you. Get to know you.

He’d tried for weeks after that, but again, always flustered. Part of him figured that perhaps, maybe, you felt the same way about him as he did about you.

So, that night at the Tipsy Byson, he was hoping to ask you.

But then you looked away and suddenly everything about you became…cool.

You were no longer a “flustered mess” as he’d heard someone call you in the bar one night. You no longer had that light dusting blush across your cheeks that seemed to brighten every time he got closer which made his stomach summersault.

No, instead, you became more reserved.

You stood straight and had your arms folded. Your eyes narrowed to look at the face of the weakened man in the middle of the two brother’s helping carry him inside the walls of Jackson.

Joel had called your name and asked you a question but he knew none of it had registered. But you had managed to answer his next question without him having to ask it.

“That’s my brother.”

Without a second thought or care to the rain, you left the shelter of the porch and walked out and once you were close enough, you called your brother’s name and Joel watched you run to your brother, and him run to you.

He watched the pair of you reunite before dropping to the mud beneath you both. You pulled back for a second to look your brother over before pulling him close again and holding the back of his head.

Joel had told you to go for a shower when your brother got settled but since he didn’t hear the shower turn on, he decided to cook. You hadn’t eaten since before you got to the bar and, despite your brother needing nourishment, you’d be in need of it, too.

“Hey,”

You turned to look at Joel who was standing in the doorway.

“Hey.”

“Here. I made you some stew.”

“Oh, thank you.”

“There’s more in the pot in the kitchen but, I’ve got to go and get Ellie. I’ll be back later, though.”

“Thank you, Joel. But, honestly, you don’t have to.”

“If I don’t, I have a feeling you’ll sit here all day and watch him and forget to look after yourself.”

“Joel-”

“I’ll be back. I promise.”

As Joel gave you a warm smile and left you with a bowl of fresh stew, you heard your brother’s voice.

“Well, he’s nice. When’s the wedding?”

You put down the stew and rushed to his side. “You’re awake.”

“And you’re in love.”

“Randy.”

“Y/n.”

“He’s just a friend.”

“Well, I don’t know what you’ve been doing for the last four years, but that is definitely not the look of friendship and don’t give me any of that bullshit about how he doesn’t like you. He’s in love with you.”

“Now who’s the one with the bullshit.”

“Hey, don’t forget, I have the luxury of the male perspective. He’s in love with you, kid.”

“Did you get a concussion on your way here?”

“Maybe a few. But I’m still right. And so is he. You need to eat. And stop watching me sleep. It’s both weird and creepy. It’s like when you were six and would sleep walk into my room and watch me sleep.”

“I did not do that.”

“You totally did. Do you not remember mom had to start locking my door at night so you couldn’t get in?”

“Oh, yeah.” you smiled at the weird memory.

“Go on, eat. And then go and get me a bowl. It smells good.”

“Taste’s good, too.” you said, trying not to burn your mouth on a hot piece of carrot.

God, if that man didn’t make you fall from his looks and charm alone, his cooking tipped you over the edge.

Hours passed and eventually Joel came back only to find you sat outside in the back garden. The window to your brother’s bedroom was open so you’d be able to hear him call if he needed you though you doubted it since he was a heavy sleeper and he would sleep all day and night if he could.

“Hey, what are you doing out here?”

“Wanted to watch the rain fall.”

“Mind if I join you?”

You shook your head and smiled, “Not at all.”

Joel sat just close enough to you for you to feel his body heat as he covered his lap with a spare blanket you had on the bench.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I could sleep for a year.”

Joel mirrored your smile as you laughed and set your book down. “I just…for the longest time I thought he was gone. I’d made myself believe it and then suddenly he’s back and he’s alive and he’s…he’s here.”

“You look really happy.”

“I am really happy. How’s Ellie?”

“She’s good. She’s having a sleepover tonight with a couple friends she met at school. I’m just hoping she won’t be a bad influence on them.”

“I’m sure she won’t.” you assured him. “Besides, it might not hurt for those kids to learn a couple swear words here and there.”

“God, you sound just like her.”

“Oh, come on, Joel. You can’t tell me you weren’t swearing like a sailor when you were her age.”

“Growing up is a tough gig.”

“Amen to that. Why not be able to swear your way through the rough periods?”

Joel simply smiled at you and you smiled back before turning to watch the rain pour its way down and land on the country garden you’d managed to plant for yourself.

What you didn’t notice, at first at least, was Joel’s gaze fixing itself on your side profile. He looked at you with such wonder and kindness and love, Randy - who watched from his bedroom window - wanted to throw a rock at you just so you might, in fact, look in Joel’s direction and see that your brother was right in saying that Joel was completely head-over-heels in love with you.

And probably had been for the longest time.

Though, rather than interfere and have you poison his stew with some random plant you’d been growing in your garden, probably plotting his death, he quietly closed his window and left you and Joel to it.

But not before wishing upon the highest star he could see.

“Please. Please, please, please, for the love of God, let these two idiots be together. I don’t know how much more of the lovey-dovey eyes I can take. And I’ve only been here for 24 hours. Thank you. Amen…and all that.”

You both sat for a while, in a quiet solitude.

It was quaint.

It was also the first time you’d held an audience with the man and not freaked out, tripped over your words or even blushed so hard you thought your blood vessels might, in fact, break or burst at any moment.

“You know, when we were kids, we’d spend hours outside. He’d always be playing football and I’d be with my dad in the garden.”

“Was he the one that taught you about plants?”

You nodded with a soft smile graced on your lips. “Yeah. He was a Horticultural and Agricultural Professor. He knew everything that could ever be known about plants and what they helped with, also what they hindered with.”

“And your mom?”

“She worked in Business Management.” you said. “Randy took after her more. Was closer to her, too. I mean, we were all close. And I was close to my mom, but…you know that connection a child has with their parents. One is stronger than the other? When they’re ill or they get hurt, it’s the parent they go to?”

Joel nodded.

“For him, that was my mom. For me, it was my dad. Randy spent more time at her office - mostly because he had a crush on her co-worker Annie. Meanwhile, I’d go to Dad’s lectures and tell Mom all about them and she and Randy would sit and listen for hours. I loved it.”

“So, is that what you did? Before the world went to shit and all?”

“The world has always been shit, but, yes. Though, I studied Biology instead. It gave me more places to find a job. And, for about two years I taught High School Science. I loved it but I always needed something else to keep me busy so I’d go to the library and pick out books and I taught myself to be my own mechanic. It was cheaper and easier than dealing with those who would ask if my husband would be coming with me to drop off my car and when my ‘husband’ didn’t turn up, would hit on me to the point where I once threatened to break their nose.”

“And did you? Break it, I mean?”

“Joel Miller. I only threatened to break his nose. I broke his wrist, instead.”

Joel smiled for a moment. “Did he not press charges?”

“Nope. Luckily his sister had just come round the corner and she was some fancy lawyer in New York. She threatened to break his other and then we went out to lunch. Turned out he had a history of broken bones.”

Joel laughed and you found yourself laughing, too.

It felt freeing.

“What about you? Tommy told me you had your own business.”

“Yeah, I, uh, I was a contractor in Texas.”

From there, you and Joel spent over two hours talking about the past and your lives before the Outbreak. Everything; from your childhood to his, you work and eventually, children.

Joel hadn’t meant to bring Sarah up. Hell, he didn’t even talk about her with Tommy, or Tess for that matter. Sure, there was some mention of her here and there, but he’d never told anyone of her as a baby or of the silly things she used to do as a kid that would make him laugh and smile.

“She sounds wonderful.” you smiled.

Joel’s smile, although still with him, faded a little as he looked to his hands, rubbing his fingers against each other.

“Yeah, she was.”

“It sounds like she would have liked Ellie, too.”

Part of Joel returned at the mention of Ellie from you. “Oh, completely. They’re not similar - I mean, Sarah was more…girly? But they’re also not unsimilar. She would have loved her.”

Neither you or Joel fully knew which daughter he meant when he said that; She would have loved her. Ellie? Ellie would have loved her. Sarah? Sarah would have loved her. Both? They would have loved each other.

However, just as you both sat, looking at each other with sad yet content smiles, a light began to flicker on the porch and with a sigh, you got up.

“This damn thing. I just changed the bulb yesterday.”

Within moments, you had your ladder and tool box out as well as a new bulb.

“Are you sure you don’t need any help?”

“Nope. I’ve got it.”

“Okay, but, be careful. It’s still a little slippy out here.”

Joel spoke the truth. Despite being the spot where they sat being completely dry, the other half of the porch was still somehow sprayed with water.

Whilst you got to work trying to take the cover from the light, hammering the screwdriver end in with your hand until you heard the pop!, Joel had his foot on the bottom step of the ladder, watching you from below.

Yet, somehow, you still managed to slip once you, after a very rare struggle, managed to get the cover from the bulb off.

Maybe it was some twist of fate, but somehow you ended up in Joel’s arms.

At first, your back remained to him.

“You okay, Darlin’?”

For the first time since being sat with him, you found yourself speechless again. Flustered.

“Oh, I, uh…mm-hmm.”

“You sure?”

Turning your head, you found Joel inches from you. Your bodies were pressed so tight, you’d be surprised if even a shadow could fit between you both.

“Yes.”

Joel swallowed thickly as his gaze flicked from your eyes to your lips and back again. You could feel his warm palm spreading across your hip, his strong forearm flush against the bottom of your back, pulling you just that little bit closer to him. And when he spoke, you found your breath caught in your throat.

“Can I kiss you?”

Your brain felt both electric and fried at the same time. Maybe you were just hallucinating; imagining he wanted to kiss you.

But then his other hand came up and brushed the stray hairs from your face, tucking them behind your ear.

“Because I’d really like to, Darlin’. But I won’t unless I have your permission.”

If that wasn’t enough to make a girl melt on the spot.

At first, all you could do was nod.

“I need words, Darlin’.”

Good, Lord!

Swallowing thickly, you forced your voice from your throat. “Y-Yes.”

“You don’t sound too sure.” Joel hesitated.

“Yes, Joel. You can kiss me.”

Your voice, although still quiet, was more assertive that time.

“Are you-”

“Just shut up and kiss me, Miller.”

You saw a split second of Joel’s smile grace his face before he pulled you closer to him and kissed your lips.

And it. Was. Electric.

Your hand came to his collar, pulling him closer to you although you both figured that was impossible by now.

His thumb brushed the side of your temple before he pushed his hand through your hair and drank you in once more. Meanwhile, the arm that held you securely around your back, tensed. His hand came into a fist and it scrunched the corner of your jumper and t-shirt with it.

You moved your hand to his neck, pulling him closer still until finally you both had to stop in order to catch your breath.

Joel’s hand relaxed for a moment before you felt his palm touch your skin beneath your clothes.

“Sorry,” he apologised after a moment, his voice husky. “Got carried away.”

You smiled and shook your head against his. “Don’t be.”

“Mind if I do it again?”

“Not at all.”

#joel miller #the last of us #pedro pascal #joel miller x reader #love #kissing #angst #nervous #ellie williams #ellie miller #tommy miller #maria miller #tlou #tlou hbo #joel miller x fe!reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fluff #quiet crushes

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py6oto · 5 months

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once again i offer you a mix of hlvrai and a game i like. this time it's sky!!

i originally wanted to draw the whole science team, but i forgot and by the time i noticed it was too late for me to dare trying.

i have the entire thing (mostly) planned, but i dont wanna post it yet. id like to post it with a drawing of everyone.

2023.11.18

#hlvrai #sky #sky cotl #hlvrai gordon #hlvrai tommy #sky children of the light #sorry about the bland looking clouds by the way. i tried to do this without a reference and its very obvious i did.#look at them. they're entering the daylight prairie. they're so unaware. explosion #i DID make an effort to give them canon (?) cosmetics.... but it's too hard. i either cant decide or cant find anything at all.#so i decided to just do what i want #anyways this is ur sign to play sky pls its such a beautiful game !!!#especially the current season we're in as i post this (revival)#ok i need to stop or else im going to reveal all the lore #hlvrai x sky au #im gonna try to actually name this one. how about #sky children of the light but the ai is self aware #No. too long #sky but the children are self aware #that one's just really funny. The Children Maria They're Self Aware #or like half life vr children of th #i dont know. this is harder than it looks

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underhousearrestblog · 10 months

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All I See Is You | J.M.

(summary) after Joel brought you back to Jackson, you’re forced to play house with your captor (this is part 2 of this fic)

(warnings) death of a creep (is it really a loss?), blackmail, forced captivity/ proximity, physical violence (reader hits Joel but he kidnapped her so...?), sexual harassment

(pairings) Joel Miller x reader

(reminder) Y/N – your name

(genre) dark romance

(trope) enemies to lovers

(word count) 6.1k

(also) holy shit I’m actually doing it – I’m finishing a started project!!!

(also) she/ her pronouns used

HAPPY READING!

- I want a separate room, Joel! – you demanded, trying to keep up with him. – I demand a separate room!

Joel laughed under his breath. It was cute how you thought he would just let you sleep anywhere else other than in his bed.

- It’s funny how you think you’re in any position to demand anything, - he threw you an amused glance.

You breathed heavily, trying to keep up with him. You wouldn’t have been able to walk as fast as him even before the whole apocalypse thing but after QZ rations, you had lost some of your weight, muscle mass and a good amount of your stamina.

- Could you at least slow down? – you asked. – What’s even the point of walking as if somebody’s chasing us?

Joel fixed the rifle that was hanging over his shoulder and turned to look at you.

- Tires you out, - he shrugged. – Makes you more clumsy. Less likely to attempt running away.

You ground your teeth together. Bastard.

It turned out that Jackson was around an hour from where Joel had kept you. You probably would’ve either accidentally ran into the woods to be eaten by wolves or cluelessly stumbled onto Jackson, unaware that you’re walking straight back into your captor’s arms.

It was close to evening when both of you finally reached the town. Joel waved up at the armed men that were standing guard and they, recognizing him, gave command to open the gates. You watched the town that stood before you in such an awe, that only after a moment you realized Joel had said something.

- What?

- Hands behind your back.

When all you did was stare, Joel roughly turned you around and grabbed your wrists. You felt handcuffs being slapped on them before Joel turned you back to face him.

- Is this really necessary? – you asked in a low voice, trying to make your eyes tear up on command. – Please, Joel.

For the first time he looked a bit conflicted, looking in your glassy eyes.

- Sorry, baby. This is the standard procedure for all newcomers.

- Where would I even run?

- Didn’t stop you before.

A man and a woman came to great you. A man and a pregnant woman.

This must be his brother and sister-in-law, you decided.

Joel’s lips touched you ear, as he leaned closer. His breath tickled the small hairs, as he lowered his voice to say:

- Don’t try anything. Your freedom is given. It can just as easily be taken.

At this point, even though you were still very much a captive, you had become aware of few things. For one, the effect you had on Joel was much stronger than the one he had on you. You could use that. And you planned on using it.

Two, trying to escape right after getting here would be pointless. All it would accomplish would be Joel paying even more attention to each step you took. You had to make him feel safe enough to lower his guard. You had to make him pliant.

You rested the back of your head against his neck, turned your face towards him and gave Joel a lopsided smile.

- I’m not trying anything, - you lightly brushed the knuckles of your tied hands over his thigh. – I plan on making your life so miserable you’ll beg me to leave.

His eyes found yours. He looked a bit surprised by the sudden change in your behavior. That lasted for only a second though. Joel laughed and placed a kiss on your right temple.

- I’ll only ever beg you to cum, - he objected, - not go.

You withdrew your hands from him and turned back towards his approaching family.

- But please, - he lightly pushed you forward, - by all means, make me beg.

After Tommy and Maria had lightly interrogated you with questions that were answered mostly by Joel, he had taken off the handcuffs. Both the sheriff and her husband seemed to believe the story that you had returned on your own, by your own wish and had only ran into Joel outside of Jackson.

- I think we have an empty room with Josie, - Maria had suggested, while she packed some clothes for you.

- She’s staying with me, - Joel left no room for arguments. – I have the whole house to myself. She’ll be very comfortable there.

Three pairs of eyes looked for your reaction. Maria and Tommy seemed to look for your objection so they could step in and make Joel back off. Joel’s eyes glistened with challenge, as if saying, I dare you to put up a fight.

- Y/N? – Maria asked carefully. – You okay with that?

But you were not interested in a fight. For this to work, you needed to convince Joel that you were not a flight risk.

Your own eyes met Joel’s in challenge.

- Of course, - you tilted your head in what probably looked like flirting to Tommy and Maria. – I’m looking forward to sharing a house with you, Joel.

When neither one of you broke eye contact, Tommy cleared his throat and Maria placed some clothes in your hands. When both of them stepped aside, you turned to see Joel’s eyes still firmly glued to your form.

I’ll fuck your life up, you mouthed.

All you received in answer was silence, as he shook his head laughing.

Joel unlocked the door of his house and opened it, stepping aside and letting you in. When you silently watched, refusing to go in, he took a step forward and wrapped an arm around your waist.

You expected him to lift you up and force you inside but all he did was lean into you and whisper:

- They’re watching, - he said in a low voice. – How will you make my life a living hell if they’ll make you stay at Josie’s?

You glared at him and turned towards the door, making sure to flick your hair in his face as you turned. All the reaction you got was a light chuckle behind your back.

You wasted no time, heading straight for the kitchen. It was spotless which was of no real surprise to you. Knowing Joel, his house would probably look like a furniture magazine. You turned to face him, leaning against the kitchen island and placed your hands against the cool marble counter top.

Joel left your bags in the hallway and followed you inside the kitchen. He leaned against the door right in front of you.

Even though there was a lot of space between you, you could’ve sworn you felt his heavy breath against your face.

His eyes burned your skin, as they shamelessly roamed over your body, examining every inch of your skin. When he reached your face, they were already much too dark to be considered grey.

- Welcome home, sweetheart, - he said darkly. – Feel free to make yourself comfortable.

- Okay, - your shrugged and lifted your hand to the small cabinet above the stove. – Whatever you wish, darling.

Your fingers lightly caught the top of one of the mugs placed there and you flicked it forward in a manner you had only ever seen a cat do.

It broke into dozen pieces on the floor.

Before Joel could do anything to stop you, you reached for your next victim. A crystal vase that was placed in the corner of the island. You lightly pushed it over, and it shattered on the floor.

Then you reached for a kitchen knife, dug it into the beautiful pearly countertop and, pushing it in with all the strength you got, dragged it over the shiny top. The knife left an ugly scar with a horribly sounding shriek.

When you pushed your hair away from your eyes and lifted you head to look at Joel, all you were met with was silent amusement. He slowly pushed away from the door frame and approached you, walking over the shattered glass on the floor. When he was close enough for you to touch, you suddenly pressed the knife against his throat, making him tilt his head back.

Before you had a chance to even utter a single word, the knife had already left your hand and was thrown on the floor. Joel’s right hand wrapped around the back of your neck, while the left wrapped itself around your waist, lifted you up and placed you on top of the ruined counter, making you both the same height.

He smiled, as he leaned in to place a kiss on your throat, while drawing circles on the back of your neck.

You sighed involuntarily.

That was all you got before he removed his hand and cupped your jaw, turning your eyes on him.

- God I wish you would just take your frustrations out on me, - his eyes looked over your glossy lips. – Just ride out your attitude and be done with it.

You tilted your head.

Was he even mad about the ruined counter top or the smashed items laying on the floor?

How far could you take this before he was done with you?

- You want me to take my anger out on you? – you asked innocently. – Make you suffer? That’s what you want?

His pupils dilated so fast you had to blink to convince yourself you hadn’t imagined it. Was he really getting off on you being violent?

Both his hands traveled up your thighs and ended up on your waist. His throat worked as he gulped.

- Yes, baby, make me pay for taking you, - Joel encouraged. – Show me how angry you are.

You could’ve sworn roles had suddenly switched.

Before you had a chance to reconsider your actions, you raised your hand and slapped him across the face. His head swung to the side but his hands tightened around your waist. He was breathing heavily.

For anyone else it would seem like Joel was angry. But it was quite easy to mistake anger for arousal.

- Do it again, - he said in a hoarse voice that dripped with lust.

You were tempted to comply. But then you remembered your one goal.

Make his life miserable.

This was not making Joel miserable. He was enjoying himself.

So instead you leaned closer, lightly blowing some air against his neck, letting your lips almost touch the skin beneath his ear. Then you looked him in the eye and asked in your normal voice, devoid of any traces of seduction or flirtation.

- Are you sick in the head?

- Are you? – Joel asked, as his fingers pulled your thighs further apart where you were sitting. – I haven’t even touched you and I can smell your wet cunt from here. You’re enjoying this just as much as I am.

- Next time I’ll take that knife and cut your dick off, - your eyes glowed and you were breathing just as heavily, as you threatened. – Let’s see how hard you’ll get with no dick.

- That’s it, baby, keep talking dirty to me, - Joel placed another wet kiss on the side of your neck, his teeth slightly nicking your skin. – God the sex is gonna be amazing once you stop being a brat.

His nose brushed against your neck as he drew in a quick breath. And then he just stepped back as if nothing had happened and turned to clean up your mess.

While picking up the bigger pieces of glass, he glanced back to you where you were still sitting on the table.

- There is this ugly painting in the living room that I always disliked, - he motioned towards the door to the rest of the house. – Why don’t you use that anger of yours and destroy that piece of shit?

You groaned and jumped down from the table, admitting your defeat, and left to explore the rest of the place.

That’s how things went on for about three days. You hadn’t left the house and the only people you saw were Joel, his brother and sister-in-law, no doubt coming to check if you hadn’t hanged your mind about leaving.

You still hadn’t given up on your plan to make Joel’s life miserable but somehow your plan backfired every time.

Every evening you would change into your pajamas and then, while Joel was showering, left to sleep on the couch in the living room, hoping that he would be too tired to argue with you. And every evening, with no exceptions, he came into the living room, picked you up and brought you back to his room, threatening to tie you to the bed if you left again.

Every evening you would build a fort of pillows between the two of you in the bed to avoid accidentally touching him. And every morning you woke up with his chest pressed against your back and his arms like vices around you, his face buried in your hair.

Even destroying his things had backfired. When you cut up some of his clothes and used them to light up the fireplace, after the initial laughter and congrats on your originality, he had brought the clothes Maria had given to you and burnt them too, leaving you with no clothes to change into.

- When is Maria coming over? – you asked, walking into the kitchen in one of his shirts that was long enough to reach the middle of your thighs.

Joel stopped cooking to look back at you. After he had taken his revenge on your clothes, you were forced to wear his, as you didn’t have anything else as of right now. Safe to say, he was enjoying this much more than you were.

His eyes greedily sucked in your half-naked form.

- Not for a few days, baby, - he turned back towards the stove after he had gotten his fill. – She left yesterday to run some errands.

You huffed out a breath. You wanted to stomp your foot on the ground like a child.

- Get me some new clothes, Joel! – you demanded.

He carefully placed the spatula on the counter and turned towards you. After a minute of consideration, he shook his head.

- No, I’m quite enjoying seeing you in my clothes, - he decided and went back to cooking. – Besides, I thought we had enough to burn.

You wanted to pull out your hair.

- I need some new clothes, - you insisted. – And some new underwear, - you added more quietly. – Come, Joel, you promised you’d take care of me! – last sentence sounded like a whine.

That got his attention.

He turned back towards you and crossed his arms.

- What will you give me for that?

You raised an eyebrow.

How about I only shoot you in the leg when I leave and let you survive? That’s good enough?

- What do you want? – you took a step closer.

- I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give, - Joel’s voice was raspy and his hands seemed to be lightly trembling, as you placed your palm against his rapidly beating heart.

- How much worth is my kiss? – you asked, standing up on your toes to get closer to him. – Can I get some new clothes for that?

If something was cooking in the pan behind Joel’s back, it was probably already burnt.

Joel looked at you with clouded eyes. For just a second, you let doubt creep into your mind. Would he really go for it?

- Fine, - he accepted. – You get your clothes, I get my kiss.

Your smiled. Genuinely. Maybe for the first in months.

- Thank you, - your smile turned mocking. – And here’s your kiss, - you grasped his chin in between your fingers, turned his face to the side and placed an innocent kiss on his cheek. – Pleasure doing business with you.

Then you turned on your heel to leave. His hand grabbed your elbow, refusing you.

- The fuck you think you’re doing? – he looked almost bewildered. – That’s not a kiss.

You peeled open his fingers and backed away.

- It is in my book. Should’ve specified what kiss you wanted, Joel, - you smirked. – Will you be a dear and get me some khaki pants if they have any? Thanks.

In day five, Maria had come back and suggested that Joel brought you to the movie night. You had agreed so enthusiastically that Joel objecting would’ve raised suspicions so he was forced to accept as well. He probably was suspecting for you to run.

You had no such plan.

In order for this game to work, he had to be properly lulled into thinking you had abandoned all wishes to leave. Which meant – you couldn’t just run first chance you got. That would only make him keep up his guard more.

That didn’t mean you wouldn’t keep Joel on his toes. So that evening, when both of you had arrived to an already full room of people, you had quickly chosen a seat where there were people already sitting on both sides of you. Joel had no choice but to sit in front of you.

That had its pros and cons. For one, he couldn’t keep such a close eye on you and constantly turning around to make sure you were still there would look weird. Cons? At some point he had developed a different tactic, reaching his arm back in the dark, wrapping his fingers firmly around your ankle and pulling you a bit closer to him. That made you drag your chair closer to where he was sitting if you didn’t want to slouch and not be able to see the screen.

But was there really any point in watching the screen when all you could feel was his fingers constantly drawing figures on your skin?

After around the half-hour mark, you had already gotten bored when you suddenly felt a hand on your thigh. You immediately stiffened and Joel, whose hand was still wrapped around your ankle, sat up as well. Even if he did turn to look at you, the room was so dark that he wouldn’t have been able to see anything.

When you felt the hand on your thigh starting to creep up, you harshly grabbed the stranger’s wrist and twisted it, earning you a pained groan. That only lasted for a moment though because the man on your right leaned closer and whispered:

- Don’t cause a scene, babygirl, - even his voice felt disgusting in your ear. – Nobody’s gonna believe the newbie anyway.

You felt bile rise in your throat.

Joel’s fingers had stopped drawing circles on your skin. In fact, he had removed his hand altogether.

Dammit.

You gulped and quietly stood up. You didn’t want to stay here. Staying here would mean being harassed even more. Even though it was already late, there were still people outside who hadn’t come to the movie night.

Safety in numbers.

Surely somebody would step in if they saw you getting harassed out in the open, right?

Here’s to hoping...

The cold evening air hit you as soon as you stepped outside. Disgust had made you forget your whole plan about lulling Joel into safety. Right now you couldn’t care less if he thought you had ran...

There were people outside, you had been right. The problem was – they were far too few and far too distant. Recognizing Tommy in distance, you had already taken a step forward when somebody yanked you back by your hair and pushed your back against the wall hard.

Your breath left your body when your eyes were met with those of man in his early thirties. He looked young. Definitely younger than Joel. His hand wrapped itself around your throat, keeping you pinned against the wall. Whenever Joel did this, he wouldn’t cut your air off, just firmly keeping you still. This asshole had no problem cutting your airways.

- What a nice pet project Miller’s got himself, - the asshole tutted. – Everybody’s afraid to even utter your name here, thinking Joel’s gonna carve their eyes out in their sleep.

Your fingers desperately tried to peel off his hand from your throat.

- But I know better, - he didn’t let up. – You’re just some slut that he found. Joel’s a changed man now, - the asshole said the last words mockingly. – That’s what we’re all been told. And let me tell you, he wouldn’t dirty up his hands over some bitch he just met.

- Y/N? – you could’ve sworn somebody was calling your name but you also were in early stages losing consciousness so you couldn’t be sure.

Your attacker backed away, and you realized he had heard it too. Then he suddenly leaned closer and whispered:

- Utter a word to Miller about this and I’ll end your pathetic life, - he lightly slapped your cheek. – Joel’s going away tomorrow and you’ll have nobody to protect you. So be nice if you want me to be nice.

Joel was going away tomorrow? There was no doubt he wasn’t planning on taking you with.

Would he, though? If you asked?

Somehow spending the day with Joel seemed better than whatever this asshole had in mind.

When Joel rounded the corner, his eyes immediately searched for yours. You looked down. So instead he looked the man next to you up and down.

- Dan.

- Joel, - the Dan, apparently, responded. – I’m just introducing myself to your...? Are you his ward or something? – he laughed as he asked you.

- She’s my wife, - Joel responded in your place.

You definitely weren’t going to correct Joel in front of this fool.

Dan nodded. Then he extended his hand for you to shake.

- Nice to meet you, Joel’s wife, - he was still smiling that disgusting smile of his.

When you didn’t move to take his hand, he chuckled and turned to leave. Joel didn’t move either and so the boy was forced to squeeze himself through the small opening that led back to the porch.

When he had left, you finally met Joel’s gaze.

- Something you want to tell me? – he didn’t sound jealous or anything.

He sounded calm. Eerily so.

Joel’s gonna be gone tomorrow. And you’ll be stuck here with the creepy asshole. Even if you could tell Joel and even if he would do something about it, these people didn’t seem like they allowed their own to be killed. So, at best, he gets a beating. And then he’s gonna be even angrier.

And Joel can’t protect you forever.

And you can’t even aim well enough to shoot someone.

And-

- Sweetheart? – Joel’s voice brought you back. – Did he really just wanted to introduce himself?

You didn’t trust your voice so you just nodded.

For a second, Joel looked disappointed.

Looking back, you had thought it was because he was probably craving to take his frustrations somewhere. On someone.

Definitely nothing more.

- Wanna go back? – he offered.

You shook your head. That’s the last place you wanted to be at.

- I’m tired, - you tried to sound as bitchy as you had sounded this morning but it came out rather empty. – I’d rather go to sleep.

The house had never been this quiet. You were the one who usually started fights and threw tantrums and, because you did none of that this evening, nobody was screaming and nothing got destroyed.

Joel probably was thanking every god for some peace and quiet.

You quietly showered, changed into his t-shirt and were already sleeping when he had returned to the bedroom.

You slept like knocked out and surprised discovered that you had slept in. You were a light sleeper so on most days you would wake up even just by Joel placing a kiss on your neck first thing in the morning. Today, however, you woke up when sun had blinded you and forced you to roll over just to discover Joel already gone.

You had never been this unwilling to leave his house. His room. Even his bed. Even though you had no plans to run, you had to get up and get yourself among people. Somewhere with lots and lots of people.

Only then you noticed a piece of paper being left on the nightstand for you.

The guards are instructed to not let you out. If you try, they will restrain you. And then I’ll restrain you. So don’t waste your energy trying.

Be a good girl and I’ll bring back a gift for you.

You crumbled the paper.

The only gift you wanted was to be left alone.

You showered and ate in an extra short time, too afraid for certain someone to show up at your house. When you left Joel’s place, you almost ran where you knew Maria would be. Just to be in close proximity of anyone, really.

After half an hour of nervously flicking eyes towards the door while trying to plant some tomatoes in the greenhouse, you had actually let your guard down a little and started to join in the conversation.

- Joel told us you were in a neighboring QZ, - Maria asked. – What was your job there?

Back in real world – before this whole thing with the virus went down – you had been a full-time student. QZ didn’t allowed people your age to continue studies in anything, so you had to find something you were good at.

- I was mostly assisting doctors, - you threw out and then tried to shift your voice from nervous to careless and cheerful. – Hey, have you seen Dan anywhere? We met yesterday and-

- He left with Joel and Tommy this morning, - one of the other women explained. – One of their crew had gotten sick so they needed a replacement.

You had never relaxed so quickly. He wasn’t here. Dan was not here. You were safe.

Motivated by the sudden freedom and safety, you had spent most of the day in the greenhouse. You liked it. Maybe even more than being in the infirmary. When Maria left to greet Tommy, you had almost went with her, deciding against it at the last minute.

Greeting Joel would possibly make him think you’re easing into this life and thus would help your plan to dip but seeing Dan might make you throw up. So instead you stayed behind in the peace and comfort of the greenhouse.

That was until a loud scream pierced the air. Your hands slightly shook, as you stepped outside.

There, laid on the ground, was a body that the group had brought in from outside. The body – you couldn’t assign the word ‘person’ to the atrocity that was laid before you – was missing one of its legs and a good chunk of his left arm. There were bites from the infected all over him. His throat was littered in what looked like bites too, except it also looked like he was missing his vocal cords that seemed to be ripped clean out.

And then there was a bullet right between Dan’s eyes.

- Jesus, what happened? – Maria asked Tommy.

- Got himself bitten, - her husband explained. – Decided to show off by getting a close-shot. Wasn’t quick enough to pull the trigger.

Maria nodded. Probably this wasn’t as rare as you had thought. It was probably in human nature to get cocky.

- Yeah, at least he didn’t suffer, - Tommy threw a blanket on top of the body, hiding it from the view. – Too much. Thankfully, Joel was there to end his misery.

At the mention of Joel, your eyes searched for him. When you came up empty, you felt almost disappointed before feeling his arm sneak around your waist. He pulled you back by his hand on your stomach until you were firmly pressed against him. When he buried his face in your hair, you felt him breathe in your scent.

- How merciful of me to let him die, - Joel whispered with his lips ghosting over your hair. – Too bad he had to get his leg ripped off and throat ripped out before I could get to him to end his life. What a pathetic death, don’t you think?

You couldn’t muster the courage to do anything other than breathe in and out. Then he rested his chin on top of your head, both of you eyes still glued to the dead person in front of you.

- Almost as pathetic as his life.

Then he simply stepped back and casually throwing out “see you at home, honey”, left.

That evening you tried to keep yourself busy doing everything and anything possible before you went back home. But at some point Maria had to throw you out, saying she can’t allow you to fall asleep in the greenhouse. So when you finally returned, it was around eleven in the evening. Well past dinner and well past your usual bedtime.

The house was quiet. When you turned on the light in the kitchen and Joel was still nowhere to be found, shivers ran through your body. As usual, you felt him before you saw him. He was casually sitting on the sofa and reading one of what looked like books you had on you when he had kidnapped you. It was a mix between history and fantasy. You weren’t a fan but reading materials were hard to come by so you couldn’t be picky.

- Did you let him get infected or did he do that on his own? – you weren’t sure why you were even asking.

- Does it matter? – Joel casually skipped a page.

No, not really.

- Kinda, - you confessed.

Maybe a little. Understanding how far Joel would go might help you weaponize the people here. If he wasn’t ready to kill someone just because, you might be able to use other people as an emotional shield to blackmail him and make him let you go.

- Okay, - he closed the book. – Then no. He didn’t get infected on his own. He was a coward. So why would he ever attempt a close-shot?

You nodded. You felt no remorse for Dan’s death. Why should you? He was a despicable human being.

- Then how did-

- I gave him a gun with no bullets. The moron never even checked. All he could do was beg for mercy when he came across one of the infected.

When Joel stood up, you took a step back. At this point, it was a choreographed dance for the two of you. Joel tilted his head and regarded your stiff posture with a small smile.

- So then yesterday... when he went over, you-

- I heard everything, yes, - Joel nodded. – Would’ve preferred to hear it from you but beggars can’t be choosers, I guess.

- How chivalrous of you, - you gave him a lopsided mocking smile. – What a gentleman, huh?

- Let’s not pretend that the thought of me killing for you doesn’t turn you on, baby, - Joel placed his hand around your throat and used it to pull you closer. – I think we both know you would’ve loved to watch that creep die. Even better, you probably wouldn’t even object if I demanded you pay for his death with your body, right?

You felt a tingling sensation spread throughout your body from where his hand had grabbed you by the neck.

This doesn’t mean anything, you tried convincing yourself. This is just a physiological reaction to close proximity to an attractive man and his words, nothing more.

And you knew that was a lie as soon as you thought of it.

- And are you? – you challenged. – Are you demanding a payment?

He released your neck and you slumped against the wall.

- I don’t want a pity fuck from you.

- What about a thank you fuck? Would your highness accept that?

- My highness would accept anything, and you know it, - Joel motioned towards the bedroom. – If you want to show me your gratitude, you could at least get yourself off and let me watch. There’s no point in both of us suffering and trying to-

- I’m not suffering, - you argued. – I couldn’t care less if you go insane from staying celibate. You could just let me go and find someone who actually wants to fuck you. But suit yourself, I guess.

Joel hooked his fingers on the belt of your pants and slowly and torturously pulled you away from the wall closer to him.

- I guess we’re both staying celibate then, sweetheart, - he unhooked your belt, - because if I find out you let some other guy even touch you, I’ll dig them a nice deep grave right next to Dan’s. With a cross and everything.

He unbuttoned your pants and slid his hand inside your panties. Exactly no one was surprised when he found you hot and wet.

- Feel free to tell me to stop at any point, baby, - Joel encouraged with a smile. – You don’t need this, do you? I’m just delusional, right?

You whimpered and wrapped your fingers around his wrist, fully intending to withdraw his hand. Then his other hand wrapped around your wrist, keeping it firmly placed there.

- No, no, no, - he tsked. – Ask for what you want like a big girl. You want to cum? Have you earned the right to cum? Beg me for it.

He skillfully slid two fingers into your wet cunt, while keeping his thumb on your clit. Drawing circles painfully, torturously slowly.

- Come on, where’s that sharp tongue of yours, huh? – Joel’s eyes glistened in amusement, keeping the stimulation on your clit as light as he possibly could. – Need some help there, baby?

You shook your head in a petty refusal to give in. If he let you cum, that would mean that even after all the mocking about him not being able to stay celibate, you would be the one proven to not be able to withstand celibacy.

- No? – he tutted, as he leaned closer to your ear. – Just imagine how difficult it will be for you to take me if you’re a shaking mess from just two of my fingers.

A whimper left your lips and you rested your head against his shoulder. Drawing in a quick breath, you were almost on the edge.

Just few seconds more and-

- Does that feel good? – he asked.

All you could do was nod.

- Take a deep breath and give me a proper answer, - Joel urged you.

Now or never, your clouded, deprived mind decided.

- This is gonna feel even better, - you whispered in his ear and dug the needle into the side of his neck.

Wrapping your fingers around his wrist, you pulled out his hand from your panties. And, just as a gift to celebrate a proper goodbye, you slid his index and middle fingers into your mouth, sucking them clean. Tasting yourself. Then you let go of his hand and watched him fall to his knees in front of you.

You pulled out a needle that contained a very, very light dosage of the tranquilizer that was usually used on horses. The very same that you had stolen this afternoon from the cupboard that contained medicine in the infirmary.

It wouldn’t kill him but the hangover’s gonna be a bitch when he’ll wake up.

- You kidnapped me but you also killed a creep for me so – let’s call it even, sweetheart, - you mocked, using his own nickname.

Joel’s hand grasped yours. You expected some swearing... maybe threats... something... Instead, his lips pulled into a smug smile, as he slowly lost all consciousness.

- You better pray I’m merciful when I catch you, - he promised darkly. – There’s not one place in this entire world where I wouldn’t be able to find you. And when I do, you’ll pay for this.

He lost consciousness shortly after.

- We’ll see about that.

You had one place in mind where Joel’s authority wouldn’t mean shit. The QZ you originally came from.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel miller imagine #the last of us #the last of us imagine #dark joel miller #imagine #tommy miller #maria miller #pedro pascal #pedro pascal imagine

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penvisions · 3 months

Text

return the favor {chapter 21}

Pairing: Post-Outbreak! Joel Miller x Smuggler! Reader

Summary: After an explosive fight the night before, your trio gets ready to depart from Jackson. Finding yourself back on outside the gates, everything seems different. But then again so are you, so are your circumstances.

Word Count: 5k

Warnings: canon typical language, canon typical angst, canon typical violence, use of weapons, use of guns, use of machete, fighting, violence, reference to previous injuries, reference to past traumas, ptsd symptoms in both joel and bean, self-depreciation, super fucking sad moment in scene two of this one, MAJOR ANGST, yelling, conflict, emotional baggage, talk of outbreak day, medical jargon, reader has a lot of thoughts on a cure for the virus, existentialism

A/N: inspiration for this chapter was 'let it burn' by shaboozy. these two have grabbed a hold of my thoughts and i am writing pages like a mad woman. bean and joel mean so so much to me. hopefully it's all coherent, please let me know what y'all are thinking! i know it's a mess for these two right now an the content is angsty and may be triggering in this part of the story. my inbox is always open, love y'all ♡

ao3 link || series masterlist || main masterlist || ko-fi

The morning came quickly, no sleep having been found under the cover of night.

You couldn’t have dosed off for more than a few minutes at a time, an hour at the most spent on the cusp of awareness. That in-between state where you were immobile, and your mind tried it’s hardest to let you slip under but just shy of lying about. It was warm, that was the only consolation of the house offered to you for the night. It wasn’t another night sleeping on the frozen ground and hoping the temperature didn’t drop or the windchill robbed you of breath and feeling. Of constantly waking to check if the other sleeping bags were still rising and falling with the even breaths of those inside.

Sighing, you reached out across the empty bed to stretch out your arms from the curled up position you had adopted. But you sat up suddenly when the spot your hand had reached was warm. As if someone had been sitting on the edge of the bed. As you did so, a thick blanket you didn’t recall seeing when pulling the covers back pooled around your waist.

You heard the front door open and close, but no footsteps came further into the house. Not Tommy coming over to begin the day, but his brother departing on his own.

He must’ve returned after you hid away for the night, biding his time until things calmed down enough for him to enter the house undisturbed. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as you pictured him laying the blanket over you, sitting on the edge of the bed and watching as you slept.

Of him setting on the edge of his own bed, consumed by his thoughts and feelings that had to be so overwhelming he had decided to self-destruct and tear everything around him down in the process.

It hurt. It hurt to picture him alone by his own creation, but still feeling the desire to make sure you were comfortable in wake of that.

But it didn’t mean anything, it couldn’t. He had made it his mission to find the words that would hurt you the most and use them against you. To use your own insecurities against you, point them out and use them as a way to rationalize this course of action. Rationalize abandoning you, you and Ellie.

Joel.

Joel was standing beside one of the horses, the stall gate open as he fastened a saddle to the tall creature, tightening the buckle to make sure it was secure. The horse snickered, signaling to him that you were approaching if your footsteps hadn’t reached him quite yet. When he turned to look over his shoulder, you felt your body twitch, fight or flight activated in a visceral way.

You immediately dropped Ellie’s hand. She reached for it even as her own emotions fluttered up and became overwhelming. But you stepped away, nearly knocking into Tommy in the process.

When he looked up from his task completely, his eyes met yours and you turned on your feet and walked away without a second thought. Your name followed, but you didn’t turn back. A chorus of your name sounded all around as you fled the stables on shaky legs, face hot and heart thudding painfully hard in your chest. Head dizzy with the brief encounter of a man who you hadn’t expected to see ever again too much after a fitful night.

A hand closed around your arm and you thrashed against it, whipping around and landing a punch on whoever it was right in the middle of their chest.

“Get off of me!” Terror colored the air, the pure feeling of being trapped. Of being touched by someone who you didn’t give permission to. But the person moved toward you, grunting from the force of the hit you had landed on them, breath being drawn back in to recover. Their arms came around you, cradling you to their chest and hands holding the back of your head as you lost the feeling in your limbs. Body going slack in a last-ditch effort of self-preservation.

The person didn’t expect that, and they lost their footing, knees hitting the ground hard when you jostled along with them. But they tried their best to not let you land on your own numb limbs. You could barely hear anything over the sound of your blood rushing in your ears, your own name being called out softly not breaking through. Eye blinking rapidly, you tried to clear your blurring vision, though it wasn’t from tears. You had exhausted all of those last night.

“We gotta stop, darlin’.” Joel’s somber tone finally broke through, his voice thick with tears he wasn’t letting fall. They were a shine in his beautiful eyes when you looked up at him with an unfocused gaze. Vision blurring and sharpening in a rapid succession. His own softening when he realized you were barely there, barely present under the direct attention he was giving to you now. You watched the wrinkles around his brow furrow, deepening as he tried to coax something, anything out of you.

But you were unable to comply, unable to give him anything else. He had taken everything already, burned down what he didn’t like with vicious words that had festered all night. Taken ahold of you and ruined the rest. You had nothing for him anymore.

“I-I can’t keep feeling like my chest is gonna cave in every time I lose sight of you.” He murmured into your hair, leaning down to speak only to you. Distantly, you were aware of the watching eyes of Ellie and Tommy, just inside the threshold of the stables. Both uncertain of what to do, if they should separate you from each other or let this play out. Joel was holding you with such care, such caution and it made them both pause. “My breathing gets stuck, it hurts, darlin’. Feels like knives when you get hurt, spreads all over my body, it numbs me. When I can’t help you, when I can’t see you or reach you, call you back to the present. And that’s not good, we both know that.”

“Joel…” You cautiously treaded, voice sounding foreign and so unlike your own even to your own ears as they steadily cleared. Unsure why he was doing this. Now, of all times. He had already made his case, tore you down as he self-destructed. But he was trying to explain now the reason he had done so in such a catastrophic way. Just like how he was trying to make amends with Ellie, giving her the choice he had so selfishly stolen from her on the same path of destruction just the night before.

“It’s not…it’s not easy. And the further we’ve traveled, the more time we spend out here. It’s just…it’s not something that can last. And for that, I am sorry. I-I didn’t mean any of the bullshit I fired at you yesterday, you have to know that was all projection. You are strong, you are capable, you are so god damn smart, darlin’. But…it’s not…” His gloved hands were strong on the back of your head, on the small of your back despite the way they ached in the cold of the early morning. One last hold on you before he let you go. You knew him, you could read him, and it was too real of an understanding that he was trying to spell out for you now, even through the fog taken over your entire being.

You had known, deep down. That the feelings didn’t mean anything, even if you acknowledged them. They didn’t change anything, didn’t alter the dynamic, only gave it a depth that was dangerous.

“I’m the one who isn’t strong enough, can’t move fast enough. Can’t keep up with everything thrown our way to get here or what’s to come. But I would try until my last breath, darlin’, please believe that. And that’s the problem.”

“Because you do feel something for me.” You didn’t argue, didn’t try to call him out. You simply wanted to understand, the hurt of his words still rooted deep in your mind and heart.

“…yes.” He finally admitted, finally decided to be honest with you about what had begun to develop over the journey here. But it didn’t bring you any joy now, to know that the man felt for you the way you had begun to felt for him. It was damnation, he had been correct in his description. Because you both knew that clinging to that spark was far more dangerous than trying to cultivate it into a fully grown tangible thing. It would prompt the most resilient of things from you both, violent in their tendencies and ugly in the worst ways if picked up upon by others. Leverage to use against one or both of you, something that would bring about death.

“Okay.” Was all you could say, face calm despite the storm raging inside of you. It was breaking, beginning to wane and soon it would disappear. It would leave you empty, a gaping hole in the thick plaster you had slathered and smoothed over yourself in order to make it in the world as it was today. Having already been torn down once by a man with careful words and hands, capable of helping you to create something when nothing seemed to matter.

He had given you hope, but the man standing in front of you now was different. Joel wasn’t feeding into the same notion, instead adding his own layer of solution over the walls he had stumbled through in clumsy motions. He wouldn’t be helping you to dismantle it, too afraid of what it would mean. Too afraid of what it would symbolize in this world. So unlike the man before him, but so similar in the ways that he had nestled himself into the confines of your heart.

Your arms didn’t feel like your own as they reached up and snaked around his neck, your legs didn’t feel like your own as they moved to straddle one of his own and give you purchase to embrace him back. Your lips didn’t feel like your own as they met his in a chaste kiss. A goodbye that wasn’t bittersweet, but venomous. His tears finally fell, dampening the skin of your neck.

Overcoming the disastrous events of yesterday would take time, something of a luxury neither of you had. He was trying to make amends, trying to make you understand. That’s all he could do, was try. And all you could do in return was take the heavy stones he had tied around his limbs and loosen them. Let them fall away and take them on yourself so he wouldn’t have to carry them. You had before and you could do it again.

“I can’t go with you.” You whispered, lips brushing against his as the words sprouted from you. The truth too painful to admit at full volume, too painful to say at all. But you had to. You had to tell him you understood it was the right thing, that he understood it was the right thing. Distance. Perhaps long-lasting separation that turned into only once knowing each other.

“I know.”

He helped you to stand back up, putting distance between you both as he walked back into the stables. Tommy trailed after him, both men giving you a moment with a confused and concerned Ellie. She was too young to understand that despite the apology, the bridge had been burned and it was only one of you who would take her to where she needed to go.

You turned to her, not wanting to do this, not wanting her to see how hurt you were but knowing that whatever she did glimpse, it was absolutely not aimed at her. “I’m not mad at you, Ellie. I just…I’m not good enough to get you where you need to go if he’s there. And he’s not good enough to do it if I’m there. He made it clear as crystal he has one care he’s allowing himself in the world and it’s you.”

“You’re being selfish! I know he’s an ass. He yelled at me too, but look! I’m trying, I’m giving him a second chance. Why can’t you?” Her words were sharp, cutting into you like the blade you wielded and you took each one without a grimace.

"Ellie, that man is your future. He will protect you until his last breath. But we can’t all travel together again.” Your eyes moved from her deep frown and her hands gripped tight on the second bag that dangled by her legs to the figure of Joel leading a singular horse out of the stables. “I have so much care and love for you, but it’s not a good fit. All three of us, it was always supposed to be him, Ellie.

I’m not able to protect you, I’ve been out of it most of our trip, unable to do anything without his help. He’s the one who can get you there, he’s the one who is capable. I’m so sorry for making you feel like you could count on me, I’m not the one to place your bets on. He is.”

"So what, it all meant nothing? The whole fucking journey here didn't mean anything to you?"

"Ellie, please listen to me and hear me, it meant everything to me. but it's past and there are some things I have to take care of."

“You’re just gonna leave me? Like he tried to, like he regrets trying to do. But you’re actually gonna fucking do it, huh? You’re a real piece of work. So much for sticking with me. Fucking liar.” She stalked off, refusing to hear anything else you had to say. “Go, get the fuck away from me! I never want to see you again!”

Joel’s hand curling around her shoulder as she crossed the threshold of the stables made them the perfect wounded pair and you turned your back on them as they began to walk away, hoping that this was all for the best. That you were making the right move.

You were still at the stables when Tommy returned, his pack still over his shoulders but his rifle was missing. He was silent as he entered the stall you were readying a horse in. It was a beautiful animal, with white and brown patches all over. You figured the coloring would help you to blend into the landscape easily, having a long journey ahead of you.

“Where will you go?” Tone so unlike his brother, though the twang of a Texan accent curled around his words all the same.

“Home.” You grunted as you tightened a bag to hang from the saddle, the pack holding a small collection of camp kitchen supplies. Maria had tried to give you as much to work with as possible, not wanting you to starve or be without a source of heat should more storms greet you outside the gates.

“And where is that?”

“California. Should’ve gone back a long time ago, but…things never worked out.” You could sense the curiosity in him, so unlike his brother who hid his emotions. He had been nothing but kind to you, even if you hadn’t directly interacted with him. But if he was related to Joel, he was a good man. Indulging him, you found yourself opening up to him with more directness than you had with anyone before. Wanting a lifeline here in Jackson should you find your way back here. “Tennessee was home when the Outbreak happened, stuck around there for a while….then found myself in Boston. I remember catching glimpses of you with Joel, every so often. And then suddenly you disappeared. Wasn’t ever sure what happened, but I figured a loss is a loss.”

“Yesterday was such a hectic day. With falling on your arm and everything…will you be okay?” He followed you out of the stall, out of the stables, the horse letting you lead it leisurely along. Two shadows waiting close by, a horse already saddled and ready beside them.

“I hope so.” You offered him a soft smile, grateful for his concern.

“Will you be okay?” His inflection changed, eyes looking between both of your own as he moved closer and placed a hand on your shoulder. You sighed, trying to shake the thoughts of what happened today from your mind, knowing they would be revisited tonight when you try to rest.

“I’ve done pretty good so far, think I can manage to get over your big brother.” You knocked his shoulder with your own. His arms suddenly came around you in a hug, his chin hooking over one of them and nearly knocking your hat from atop your head. But you didn’t flinch, too worn out to fight against comfort if someone wanted to offer it to you. With warmth blossoming in your chest, you let your head lean into his own and closed your eyes.

“Thank you.” His low voice was strong, emotions strong as you hesitantly returned the sudden embrace. “Thank you for helping get him here.”

“Thank you for being alive,” You whispered back, the worry of how this all could’ve turned out weighing heavily on you even in of luck and chance. Of the sheer determination Tommy must’ve exhibited to not only leave with the Fireflies all those years ago, but to actually leave the organization and not find himself on a hit list. That he found refuge here in Jackson, a life here in Jackson, it was all so overwhelmingly wonderful. For a man who had been down so many wrong paths to find a good one to travel on after so long. That it allowed him to not only survive but live, given him the opportunity to reconnect with his brother.

Given him the chance to make something out of the wreckage of this world that would last.

“You have a home here.” He leaned back, arms still around you as he looked down at you, trying to find the right words for a goodbye that wouldn’t add weight to the events since arriving. “Maria likes you, sees you. I like ya just based on the fact that you’re not afraid to holler back if someone comes at ya. Can throw a hell of a right hook too. We’ll be here for you, whenever you decide to return.”

You nodded once, allowing him to help you mount the horse and followed that morning’s patrol through the town and toward the gate.

The railroad was easiest, so you stuck close to it when you could. The open land setting your nerves on high alert, there was no coverage out here on the plains. But you were hoping that the advantage of having a horse now would allow you a good head start if someone tried you, the rifle on your shoulder too. Maria did well, giving you everything you might need. More help than you could have ever hoped for, including the map you had found in the pocket of your new coat, detailing the route Joel and Ellie would be taking.

You had stood still for a long while, beside the horse you had let loose to get a drink from a small creek. The map tight in your gloved hand as you stared out toward the expanse of Colorado. The state line between Wyoming and Idaho close by, only a few minutes travel. Torn between moving in the opposite direction of them, worried for them and the possible threats that awaited them. But they were strong, stronger without you. They would be okay, you had to hope they would be okay. Tucking the map back into your pocket, you clicked your tongue to get the horse to come back to you.

Mounting it easily, you made your way west and crossed the state line.

Night fell and with it you hunkered down in the mild protection of the woods. The horse laying down and allowing you to lean up against their warm body, one blanket thrown over his neck to help stave off some of the cold. You had your sleeping bag curled over your shoulders, unzipped to make a small shield against the biting chill, but even with all the supplies and advice and kind words Maria had offered you, you were still utterly and completely alone. The fire crackling in front of you did nothing to warm the cold that had taken root in your chest, not born of the weather. It would only defrost with the snickering laughter of a sarcastic teenager, in the rumbling chuckle of a stoic man, in the lightness they both inspired in you despite the endless circumstances that decided to rain down upon you all.

Your heart ached for the gruff grunts Joel would make when settling down for the night, either in front of the fire for an imitation of a family dinner or for the attempt at getting some sleep for the evening. But it was a thing of the past, something you wouldn’t hear again. Alone. Completely and wholly alone. A sentence of your own making, a reality brought on by your foolish naivety that you were now subject to. Journey now shrouded in the selfish need to seek answers to questions that had plagued you for far too long. No longer intertwined with that of a brooding older man who had space in his heart enough for a girl who hid her pain behind terrible jokes. No longer a part of that dynamic, unsure if you ever were supposed to even be a part of it in the first place but having forced yourself into the fold when faced with returning behind the walls of the quarantine zone.

Spit back out in such a damning way.

Sighing, you stretched a boot out to stamp the small fire out. Shrugging tighter against the horse behind you, prompting them to turn their head and snuff against your hat in a teasing way. He was a good animal, easy to direct, willing to follow, gentle. But still, you were alone. Surrounded only by the bare trees of the wilderness you had to cross.

It was the fifth day after departing from Jackson when the universe decided you were ready for it to pick back up the punches. Tracking your progress on the map as you tried to calculate how many hours or steps it would take to trek through the dense woods that would get you through the state of Idaho and into the desert landscape of Nevada. It had been a discussion, between you and Maria, which route would be the most logical.

Either to gear up impossibly so in order to endure the remaining time of winter through the pacific northwest and make your way south through the long state of California to your hometown. Or to put up with the snow and ice for the duration of traveling through a corner of one state before finding relative refuge in the desert landscape that made up most of the south west part of the country. It would mean more exposure through the desert, but it would also mean lesser chances of running into people or Infected. More reliance on supplies and rationing.

After admitting that you weren’t very fond of the cold, of winter in general, maps of different states had been brought out from where they were collected in the council’s meeting place. She had allowed you to look them over, wanting to give you the best chance she could at accomplishing what you were set out to do. To help you, to help you find what you needed to in order to move on and begin to heal on your own terms. A journey she did not envy, but one she would do whatever she could to give you the best chance of returning to Jackson someday.

She liked you, came her admittance over a cup of coffee. You had sought her out in the early morning before Tommy had awoken to ready himself for the task his brother had desperately asked him to take over. Maria had been awake, her kitchen light visible from the house you were in across the street. Not having the courage to bother her otherwise in the wake of being torn down so completely by someone who you thought had accepted you. Hesitant to reach out and force a connection with the woman who had a literal commune’s worth of worries on her shoulder, paired with the ups and downs of pregnancy in a time where every aspect of it was washed in uncertainty.

But she saw you. Most likely told of the disastrous confrontation that had happened by her husband. Perhaps seeing you more then than she had previously.

You had initially planned to take Ellie to where she needed to go, staying with her for however long it would require hearing the Fireflies out. To apply logic and statistics to their case of proposed action with Ellie now in their hands. With her blood and tissue at their relative disposal in order to run tests, to assuage that she truly was immune in tests and medical procedures that would warrant a solid base to work off of. You weren’t being honest though, with either Joel or Ellie. You didn’t think it was possible. You didn’t think the creation of something so expansive that it would eradicate the very real and adaptive being of cordyceps would be easy, if at all possible. In this lifetime or the next.

The world had shifted. And there was no way to turn back the hand of time on something so complete and expansive. The world had decided what the new order was, the best way to endure it was to adapt. Alter ways of thinking to align with it, accept it. Hell, cordyceps had found a way to adapt in a relatively short twenty years. Evolution almost fast tracking in order to preserve itself for a longer duration. Another thing to consider when thinking about overcoming it. Adaptability meant survival, and if it was fast acting then surely it would find a way to take on elements of a vaccine or cure and circumvent the attempt.

The issue didn’t lie solely in the science and medical proficiency of the staff, but in the resources that it would take to even jumpstart such research. Ellie was only one person, so young and developed into her own mindset, she would’ve listened to them. Turned to you for your opinion, your guidance.

And you would’ve been honest with her then. In the face of whatever plan the Fireflies had concocted up while playing the waiting game. Playing the hoping game. That she would have to most likely remain at their facilities, if they even had any up and operating on the level they would require for such an egotistical task of altering the shift the world had deemed to make. That she would have to give herself over wholly to them, to their ministrations. That she could weaken her immune system in the process, fall victim to some other illness or virus in the efforts to find one for the outbreak. That it would be a shadow of a life, with no guarantee that it would make a difference, let alone a universal one.

That you believed it was hopeless.

And then you would’ve told her of your hometown, beginning the journey in that direction with the determination to show her the other coastline. To help her find another meaning for her life to have worth. Even if it was simply being alive. It meant so much these days, to simply be alive.

Though your thoughts were zoned out on an endless play of ‘what if’ ‘then what’ that didn’t matter anymore, you were on alert as you continued on. The sun trying to break through the cloud coverage in the last dredges of the day.

Just as your foot came down in another, countless step you swooped down to cloak yourself behind the fallen trunk of a pine tree. Ears straining and chest hurting with the effort to quiet your breathing, you could hear the distant sound of branches crunching, people walking among the wooded area just like you were. One voice sounded feminine, the other masculine. It was an easy conversation between them, a simple request to gather kindling for a fire since night would fall within the hour.

They weren’t speaking English, as least not completely, the voices sounding in a mixture of it and Spanish. Familiar but yet so wedged into the crevices of your mind after years of not using your household language. Such a tantalizing siren song that would allow for easier connection with the people you otherwise knew nothing about. Closing your eyes, you felt more than the pull of a weak desire to announce yourself, take a risk of introducing yourself in much the same way.

As soon as their voices seemed to move away, you pushed yourself up from where you were hidden and turned the other way. Not wanting to be around people after the disastrous attempt of connecting with someone so fresh and painful, a weight that you’re not sure would ever lift from your mind and heart. Resigned to be a singular soul wandering around the desolate landscape of what was once the world.

You were about to turn away when you heard a shuffle far too close for comfort. Followed by the hesitant call of something you hadn’t heard in over two decades. Your name. Your full name.

Head jerking around, rifle aimed at the ready; you gazed into a pair of eyes so similar to your own.

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dividers by the lovely @saradika-graphics

taglist: @sawymredfox @ayamenimthiriel @bookloverkat @rosaaeles @narcissa-anastasia @littlemisspascal @oscarissac2099 @ghostwritesthings @76bookworm76

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mariatesstruther · 5 months

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okay but a modern au where tommy always takes sarah to the library and gradually falls in love with the pretty head librarian ms. maria

#tommy x maria #this has cutesy vibes but i also think it would be funny if maria was just the most intense and organized librarian anyone has ever seen #*intimidating #like she will shush you and glare daggers if you bring in books dmamaged #shes not mean or anything just intimidating because she has an underfunded but highly rated and historically important library to run!!!!#she means business!!!!#shes super nice to and good with the kids #but all the adults are scared of her #at first tommy think she keeps looking at him because she think hes cute #*thinks #when she comes up to him in the historical fiction aisle he’s elated #maria: dude. you need to stop picking up books and walking around with them if you aren’t going to put them back #maria: im sick of finding pirate themed historical romance novels in the kids section after you leave with your daughter #tommy: um. absolutely. sorry ma’am #library au #the tipsy bison #maria x tommy

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hypnotisedfireflies · 9 months

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Second half to Maria needing Tess/Joel to ask real nice??

I have deliberately kept this extremely short because we know how this stuff gets away from me, right? So this came forth in a flurry while I was working.

Part One is here.

Jackson, post-canon, 2025 probably, part of Driftersverse.

The door to the basement opened.

Maria didn’t know what she was expecting. Blood splatter, heavy breathing, eyes dark with violence. But Tess and Joel entered with strident calm. There was not a speck of gore on them – and Maria was looking, she was looking for it. She shot to her feet and wiped her damp palms on the sides of her jeans.

“Where is he?”

“Hoback,” answered Tess, her gaze steady. “Along the Dog Creek trail, they’ve got themselves a little camp. But they came through Idaho – settlement fell with the infected migration.”

Maria’s nails dug into her palms. They could’ve come from Mars for all she cared. “You wasted time down there asking where they came from? You think I care about that? Dog Creek, you say. Thanks.”

Lachie sidestepped into her path, holding up one hand. She blinked at him in surprise. That was the thing about Lachie: once he stopped talking, you could completely forget he was there. He had a way of melting into the surrounds, watchful and silent, and then placing himself exactly where he needed to be. He played the idiot most of the time and Maria had made some flippant comment about that to Tommy once, questioning how somebody like that had made it so long. Tommy had just shook his head very slightly. His eyes had that hollow quality that scared Maria sometimes.

“He ain’t what you think.”

Lachie nodded to Tess. Reluctantly, Maria turned back to face the other two who, were still standing at the door. She had lost control of the room.

“Okay,” Maria said, heart pounding and mind already plotting the course to Hoback. “I’m listening.”

“This is just the forward party,” Tess steadily explained. “They have more. They know about Jackson and they are coming for Jackson. By now, their scout will be almost back to the rest of their group in Idaho to inform them what’s gone down.”

“Where. How far across the border?”

Tess inclined her head slightly. “Haven’t got that far yet.”

Joel finally spoke. “I’m riding out with you to get Tommy. We take who we can spare and we go now, make it quick and quiet. There’s only three of them got him in Hoback.”

Maria nodded quickly, relieved. But her mind could not yet fully abandon Jackson, not with the information she had just received. She noticed how Joel had phrased it: I’m riding out. Not we’re riding out, I’m.

“You’re not coming,” she said, looking to Tess.

“I’m not finished,” Tess replied, and Maria felt a little chill work its way down her spine. Tess’s gaze passed her and settled on Lachie. “I need you.”

Lachie stepped around Maria, slow now, preparing himself. “Righto.”

Joel placed his hand on Lachie’s chest as the man drew close. “Can you fuckin’ do this?”

“Yes, I can fuckin’ do it,” the younger man snapped.

Joel did not look convinced. He looked at Tess, torn. He was the one riding out into the fray – who knew what they’d find and in what condition Tommy was in – but what was this? The emotional complication of leaving Tess behind to do the dirty work? Tommy had told Maria they had done this together, always together.

Tess pulled a pistol that she wasn’t supposed to have out the back of her jeans. All weapons were meant to be checked; this should’ve been surrendered when they came back from their ride. She put it in Joel’s hand.

“Go bring Tommy home.”

Joel checked the load and kissed her quickly.

“Let’s go,” he said to Maria.

But Maria couldn’t leave right away. Her responsibilities stretched further than Tommy. So she hated herself and wasted time by finding someone a council member she trusted and relaying the information, instigating a call to arms that she insisted be kept quiet for as long as they could keep it that way. They didn’t need a panic. She hurried to Zahra’s clinic and brought her up to speed in as few words as possible, knowing they would need her level head, and rounded up a three more people she knew to be good in a fight. Joel had the horses and weapons waiting for them at the gate by the time she’d set things in motion. She felt guilty, riding away from it. Jackson had detailed plans for what to do in this situation. Maria had signed off on them all; she was supposed to see these through. But Jackson would have to look to itself for a little while.

Maria had an appointment in Hoback.

Part Three

#tlou fanfic #driftersverse #asks #joel x tess #maria x tommy #maria miller #tommy miller #joel miller #tess servopoulos #tlou #tess lives

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tightjeansjavi · 8 months

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Slow Hands | Chapter 3 “trust me to trust you”

A/N: I sat on this story for awhile as I’m already figuring out how I want to develop the plot. I can tell this is going to turn into another passion project for me as I love the idea of post!outbreak domestic Joel and finding love in his late age. This chapter you get a little glimpse into what outbreak day was like for Beanie. Please remember that the nature of this fic will have dark themes. I will mark the warnings appropriately, but please read with caution. 🖤

~word count: 5.2k~

Pairing | Joel Miller x f! Reader

Summary: early winter mornings, fear of the past, a felt fawn, and Maria’s egg casserole.

Warnings: Canon-typical violence from outbreak day, mentions of loss, carnage, brink of death, depictions of a knife wound, PTSD, panic attacks, trigger responses, mentions of a firearm, I am no expert on the subject but I have done some research as I know it’s a delicate topic, angst, Joel is struggling to adjust to living a domestic life, anxiety, feeling like an outcast, grumpy old man! Joel, shy! Joel, kinda mean! Joel, sunshine reader, flirting, fluff, awkward situations, reminiscing on the past, reader has no physical descriptions and is from Texas, reader has a nickname (beanie bc y’know coffee beans) no age gap, vulgar language, slow burn, this is a fic that takes place post-outbreak so please keep in mind that there will be dark/triggering themes, but to also remember that it is not the main plot line for the story. Please read with caution. (+18) minors dni!

main masterlist series masterlist playlist

It had been over 20 years since outbreak day, when your world and life as you once knew it, turned to flames and ash before the frightened whites of your eyes. Your coffee shop, Cuppa Smiles, was your little slice of heaven. You had put so much love, dedication, and passion into your establishment. Your coworkers were friends from college that were just looking for a change of pace from their 9-5’s just like the next person.

They all tried to kill you, whatever they were now. It had happened all so fast, and even now on the quietest of nights, you could still hear their snarls and animalistic growls. You could still remember the frightened screams, the chaos and destruction as a Boeing 747 collided into the earth and burst into flames, debris falling from the explosion, hitting those who were fleeing, and those who were no longer living. You remember tumbling along the concrete, rolling like a sack of potatoes as you struggled to breathe. To your direct left was a truck flipped over on its side.

Through the harsh ringing in your ears, you could make out two male voices on the other side of the truck. The one man was holding a young girl to his chest who couldn’t be more than 12-13 years old.

“I’m sorry, baby, I know, I know.” The man’s tone was urgent, rushed and laced with fear as he held his daughter close.

“We gotta get off the street!” The other man shouted desperately.

“Tommy!”

“Head to the river! I’ll find a way. Get her outta here, Joel! Go!”

Joel.

Joel..Miller?

The last time you saw Joel Miller, all you could remember was the fear in his eyes, before everything around you went black.

When Tommy and Maria Miller discovered you on the outskirts of Jackson, looking like you were all skin and bones as you slipped off your horse's saddle and into the cool dirt. Your body was exhausted, your resources were spent and now you just hoped that you would die peacefully. That was until a strong pair of arms were gently lifting you from the dirt as your body laid like a limp fish.

“D’ya think she’s still breathin?’” Tommy asked his wife as she was quickly checking your pulse.

“Barely. She must have been riding for days out in this heat.”

“She showin’ any signs of bein’ infected?” Tommy knew the protocol of bringing in stragglers from outside Jackson, and if you were found to be infected..

Maria made quick work to check your body for any signs of a bite mark. She took sudden interest in a large bloodstain through the tattered fabric of your shirt. She gently lifted the fabric from the hem to discover a gruesome sight. What appeared to be done by the work of a sharp blade was a long semi deep, gnarly gash carving from your abdomen, up your torso, curving under your left breast and wrapped around your ribcage to your left shoulder blade.

“Fuckin’ hell. Someone tried to carve her up?” Tommy asked in disbelief as his wife gently pulled the hem of your shirt back down.

“Raiders, no doubt. She’s not infected. I can’t find any bite marks, but one thing’s for certain though, this woman has been through some hell.”

It was well over an hour till sunrise when Joel Miller lumbered out of his home, shovel in hand and bundled up fiercely in multiple thick layers to protect his skin from the harsh biting cold. His plan was simple, head over to your house down the street, shovel your walkway, and ask you to accompany him to breakfast. It really was quite simple, but despite that he was running a script over in his mind on exactly what he wanted to say to you.

Hey Beanie, was wonderin’ if you’d like to accompany me to breakfast?

Wait..what if she declines? Then what are you gonna say?

Uhh..

Oh, well that’s alright! Maybe another time? No pressure or nothin.’

What if..she thinks it’s strange that you’re shoveling her walkway at the crack ass of dawn?

Jus’ doin’ my neighborly duty. Besides, it’s jus’ a friendly favor, y’know cause we’re friends?

I sound like an idiot.

Maybe I should just..start off with saying good morning?

I’m hopeless.

Joel grumbled to himself as he trudged through the snow. The whipping wind bit at his exposed skin but he welcomed the chill without a complaint. The harsh elements were just another reminder that he was still alive and breathing.

The outside of your home was just as he expected it to be, quaint, yet quirky. He imagined that in the summer months your front porch would be scattered with flowers and plants. The mailbox just outside your gate was crooked and could definitely use a fresh coat of paint, and the wooden gate was a little creaky, but nothing he couldn’t easily fix. He was already making a little mental note of everything he wanted to fix on, and around your home.

The snow was a few inches deep, it stopped just below the top of his boots. His back already screamed a dull pain up his spine as he bent down with the shovel and got to work. The pain he felt in his muscles was just another reminder that he was still alive.

He gritted his teeth together, jaw clenched as he worked through the first section of your covered walkway.

You never considered yourself to be a heavy sleeper even before the apocalypse. A door slamming, or pots clinking in the kitchen sink at your long since abandoned apartment was all it took to stir you from your slumber. Now, even in the safety of Jackson, your brain was always ticking. What could be lurking behind that dark shadow across the street? Realistically, nothing. It’s just your brain playing a dirty trick on you. A branch outside your window snaps, it’s just the wind. It’s just the wind because it’s storming out, and a strong wind can break even the sturdiest of branches. That noise you heard in the dead of the night? It was just an animal. Maybe a raccoon or a screech from a barn owl. It wasn’t a clicker. You were safe, so why couldn’t your brain just..turn off? Why was it still stuck in this survival mode when nothing inside Jackson’s strong walls could hurt you.

This sound in particular was different. It was unfamiliar, and unfamiliar meant danger. Scraping, grunts, more scraping; man. The hairs on the back of your neck were standing up as you shot out of bed like a bat out of hell. You kept your shotgun next to your bed because well..you could never be too careful. You never had a reason to use it, but it brought you some form of comfort that you didn’t realize you so desperately needed until Tommy experienced your triggers firsthand when he had accidentally snuck up on you while your back was turned to him behind the counter of your shop. The last time he had seen fear struck that deep inside one person, was the night Sarah died in Joel’s arms. So, Tommy lended you a shotgun as an apology.

He’s out there. He’s trying to get me. I have to run. I have to hide. He’s found me and he—he’s going to take me away.

Your brain was screaming at you as you crept down the steps. Every step you took you feared would be your last. It had been sometime since you experienced an episode as severe as this one. Other times you were able to talk yourself back down to logic. Sometimes you’d resort to unbridled violence, usually on a sack of sugar. This time, you felt as if you had no control over your body's current state. It was as if you were reliving—

Joel had his bad ear facing towards your front door. Between the pain in his back, and the scraping of the metal shovel along the concrete, he wasn’t able to detect the front door creaking open.

His back was facing you as you shakily pointed the barrel of your gun at what you thought was an intruder. Due to the low light from the sun barely peeking over the mountains, all you saw was a darkened figure bent over in the middle of your walkway. Had it been brighter out, perhaps you would have recognized the lone figure to be Joel.

Your ears were ringing loudly as the inner voice inside of your brain was demanding you to shoot. Shoot him and then run, and never look back. Your breath grew shallow as the figure slowly turned around to start on the next snow patch..and then immediately froze.

Joel dropped the shovel with a heavy clank as he slowly raised his hands above his head to show you that he was no immediate threat to your safety. “Beanie? Hey, it’s alright darlin’ it’s just me.”

He’s lying

Your entire body was trembling at the top of the steps as Joel hesitantly took a few steps forward. “Darlin?’” I’m gonna need you to lower the gun now, okay? You’re safe. It’s just me. Nothin’ out here is goin’ to hurt you.” He spoke softly, yet firmly. He kept his hands where you could see them in direct view. He was close enough now that even in the low light, he could see the frightened whites of your eyes as you stood there, unblinking.

“I’m goin’ to take another step towards you, okay? Please don’t shoot me.”

Don’t trust him. He’s one of them. He’s here to hurt you. He’s playing a trick on you.

“Joel?” You stuttered shakily as you finally found your voice.

His heart sunk deep into the pit of his stomach when he picked up on just how terrified you were. He knew it wasn’t directly because of him. Something had happened to you, he knew the look on your face all too well, and it was a good thing he knew how to act calm in a dire situation such as this one.

“Yes, it’s Joel. It’s just me darlin.’” He responded as he took another step towards the foot of the steps leading up to your front porch.

“D—don’t come any closer, please.” You uttered just barely above a whisper as you kept the barrel of your gun trained on him.

“Okay. I won’t come any closer, but I need you to trust me to trust you. Do you understand what I’m saying to you Beanie?” He was careful with his choice of words. Anything too sudden might end up with him potentially getting a bullet to the arm or thigh. Not the chest, please. He silently thought to himself.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that I trust you to not shoot me, so I need you to trust me to approach you. Okay? We can do this in baby steps. I just really need you to lower the gun, okay?” His eyes locked on yours as he gave you a reassuring nod.

You blinked a few times as your hands shakily lowered the barrel of the shotgun to the floorboards. Something in you suddenly clicked as the realization of what you had just done, more-so almost done, hit you like a freight train and suddenly you were crumbling right before his eyes.

He let out a visible sigh of relief when your gun was no longer aimed at him, but as soon as your body crumbled to the ground, he jumped into action. His gloved hands were gently wrapped around your shoulders as he spoke softly, yet urgently to you. “Beanie? Hey, you’re alright. You’re alright. I’m right here. You’re safe. You’re safe.” He felt like in those crucial moments it was necessary that he repeat himself just in case you didn’t hear him the first time.

Your eyes were frantically searching his own, pupils dilating under the low light that the early winter morning sky had to offer. He was holding your shoulders so delicately, as if you were fine bone china that would shatter just upon glancing at it. He could feel your muscles trembling under his loose grip. He could feel a hint of anger bubbling in the deep pit of his stomach. The same anger he experienced when he found Ellie— “d’ya..wanna take some deep breaths with me maybe? Or we could count? Sometimes I try’n pick a spot on the wall or somethin’ or count the steps it takes me to get from point A to point B. S’not the best method, but it helps bring me back down to earth.” His tone was so soft, sincere and genuine. If you weren’t such an emotional fucked up wreck, your heart would be melting into a puddle by now.

“Joel..I’m so sorry I-I—didn’t know it was you. I thought you—I thought..” You struggled to articulate a cohesive sentence as his espresso brown eyes bore into yours. He gave you a reassuring nod, and a gentle squeeze along your shoulders.

“Hey, it’s alright. I know you weren’t g’nna shoot me. You were just frightened. Your mind was probably playin’ some trick on you.” He murmured as his thumb was gently stroking back and forth across the fabric of your pajamas on your shoulders. “Y’sure you don’t wanna count?”

“Does..it actually help?” You whispered timidly.

“Sometimes..all depends on what it is that’s triggerin’ me.” He softly responded

“Can you start..please?”

“Course I can darlin.’ We’ll start at Ten.”

“Nine.”

“Eight.”

“Seven..”

“Six.”

“Five..”

“Four.”

“Three..”

“Two.”

“One.” You murmured in unison.

“Y’feel alright with me helpin’ you up? We can stay down here. S’alright with me.” His arms were fully enclosed around you now. He smelled better than you expected. Of course it helped that Jackson had an abundance of hygiene products available; soap being at the top of the list. He smelled earthy, rugged with a hint of minty freshness..toothpaste maybe.

“I really wasn’t going to shoot you..something just came over me and..I couldn’t stop myself.” You admitted softly.

“Would have been real hard for you to shoot me with the safety on darlin.’” He stifled a chuckle as he could see from the angle he was crouched down at, the safety on your rifle was in fact on. “Who gave you that rifle anyway? Someone outta teach ya to use it..never can be too careful.”

“Tommy gave it to me a few years back.”

“Ah. That does sound like somethin’ my brother would do.” He slowly stood to his feet as he offered you his gloved hand to help you up. “These floorboards are pretty damn wobbly. I can take a look at them when it ain’t so cold out? They probably started warpin’ from the changes in the weather. Might have a few boards that are rotted out.”

“Anything else you wanna fix on my house?” You teasingly asked as you grasped his hand, allowing him to help you up from the current sitting position you were in.

“Honey, I’ve got a whole mental list goin’ on in my head right now. The flood boards could end up bein’ a safety hazard if I don’t check ‘em sooner, rather than later. Your mailbox could use some sprucin’ up. Nothing a bit of paint can’t fix, and your gate is a little crooked. I’d uh—I’d be happy to do it though.” He was rubbing the back of his neck nervously with a sheepish look on his face.

“A whole list, huh? Is that why you were over here at the crack ass of dawn?” There was a ghost of a smile on your lips as you wrapped your arms around your chest to block out the bitter chill.

“Well, I gotta put my carpenter skills to good use somehow, right? Actually..I just woke up this mornin’ and wanted to do somethin’ nice for ya. Y’know after you came over and returned the mug..plus, I couldn’t really sleep all that much. I rarely do these days. Anyway, I’m ramblin’ yet again. The main reason I shoveled your walkway is cus’ I was goin’ to ask you if you’d like to accompany me to breakfast?” His face was flushed, and his cheeks were rosy, but he was certain it wasn’t because of the biting chill.

“You came all this way to shovel my walkway, and find an excuse to ask me out to breakfast?” You couldn’t help the smile that was slowly forming over your lips. It was crazy to think that just five minutes ago you were a complete cluster fuck of an emotional wreck, and now you were smiling like a fool because Joel Miller was proving to you that even in an apocalypse, chivalry was alive and well.

He ignored your question, at first. It wasn’t on purpose, he just was more tuned into your active shivering, and the way you tightened your arms across your chest in a weak attempt to block out the early morning chill.

“Are ya cold?” He asked with a soft rasp. He didn’t allow you the chance to answer as he was already slipping his warm suede jacket off and placing it over your shoulders.

“Thank you..” you whispered in a soft response.

“Of course. I’d feel pretty fuckin’ shitty if I caused ya to catch a cold out here.”

“And I’ll feel the same exact way if you catch one as well. Do you..want to come inside? I can put a fresh pot on?” You were already gesturing to your front door with a soft tilt of your chin in that direction.

“Let me just finish up with your walkway, and then I’d love to join you for a cup of coffee.” He was already heading down the steps to grab his discarded shovel.

“Wait! Joel, your jacket? Don’t you want it back?”

He glanced over his shoulder at you with a tiny grin playing on his lips. “Nah, s’alright darlin.’ The cold ain’t real botherin’ me anyway. Now please, go inside before you actually catch a cold.”

You weren’t one to argue at this early in the morning, and especially when you had yet to indulge in your cup of coffee. You slowly bent down and picked up your rifle and slung the strap over your shoulder before heading back inside. As soon as Joel heard the click of your front door closing, he continued on with shoveling the rest of your walkway.

The coffee grounds were just beginning to steep when he had quietly entered your home. He politely left his boots along the doormat next to yours. He didn’t want to be a rude houseguest and track in any snow. The first thing he noticed about your interior style was that you were anything but a minimalist. You had all sorts of picture frames hanging on the wall. Some were photographs but the others were paintings. Realism, portraits, landscapes, anything your heart desires, you painted it.

He especially took interest in all your knick knacks that were scattered in a clay bowl on the table in the entryway. Old keys, coins, lighters and paper matchboxes. Figurines, tiny porcelain coffee cups. The pads of his fingers brushed over a tiny felt fawn that was sitting atop of all the ‘clutter.’

“Ah. I see you found my bowl of treasures? Well, some people would probably call them junk, but I’ve always been a collector of oddities. Although, I wouldn’t really call them oddities. I think the proper term would be keepsakes?” You had two mugs of steaming coffee in your hands as you approached him. His jacket was still loosely hanging off of your shoulders as he looked over at you.

“Where did you find all of these treasures? Have you been collectin’ them through the years? Ellie’s obsessed with this kinda stuff.” He set the little felt fawn down gently as he reached for the coffee mug. Your fingers gently brushed against one another as he gingerly removed the mug from your hand. “Thank you, by the way. For uh, the coffee.”

“For the most part I have found all of these pieces on my own. Tommy actually found that felt fawn a few months ago. He knew it would bring a smile to my face. Do you want to take it home? I’m sure Ellie would love it. That’s kinda the whole concept of the bowl y’know? When I have guests over, I want them to pick something from it that really speaks to them. As you can see the bowl is quite full, considering I don’t get much company around here.” You brought the rim of your mug to your lips, softly blowing on the rising steam before you took a cautious slow sip.

“Oh, I couldn’t do that Beanie. I don’t wanna take somethin’ from ya that makes ya smile. That was awfully nice of my brother. Y’guys pretty close then?” He was gently leaning his weight back against the edge of the table, ankles crossed as he took a small sip from his own mug. For a split second you couldn’t help but feel the soothing domesticity from the moment you were sharing. Joel’s thick woolen socks, his flushed cheeks from the cold paired with his coat resting along your shoulders. There was something so tender to it all.

“Joel, I insist. Please, take the fawn and give it to your kid. I even have a little box for it so it looks like it’s a present. I’m sure she’ll love it. Anyway, Tommy and I are close. I suppose you could lay it out that way? I owe my life to him and Maria..they were the ones who took me in. I haven’t been outside Jackson since.”

“‘Course you got a little box for it and everythin.’ Alright, I’ll give it to El. You haven’t been outside Jackson in that long?..” He asked with genuine curiosity. He didn’t want to come across like he was prying either. He wanted you to open up to him not because he forced you to, but because you felt comfortable enough around him to show your vulnerabilities.

“I’ve only been outside the town one another time and that was when we found the coffee bean plants in the Colorado nursery. Tommy and Maria were with me of course and—” You paused, remembering how freaked out they were when you started to panic out of the blue. Neither of them could calm you down, and you passed out in Tommy’s arms.

“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me anythin’ you don’t wanna tell me, alright?” He reached his freehand out and gently placed it along the side of your wrist, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Let me..go get that box for Ellie’s fawn. Did you still want to do breakfast?” You set your mug along the table, you had barely touched it.

“If you’d like to. I’d thoroughly enjoy your company, and you ain’t lived till you’ve tried Maria’s egg casserole, darlin.’” He was grinning boyishly over the rim of his mug.

Man, was he handsome.

“Sounds like her egg casserole is to die for then. I’ll just grab that box, and then get dressed. You alright with hanging out here by yourself for a few minutes?”

“I think I can find a way to keep myself entertained till then.” He assured you.

“Perfect.”

Joel waited until you had disappeared upstairs before he let out a deep sigh as he looked down at the little felt fawn. His brow furrowed as he was deep in thought over what had possibly happened to you when you went outside Jackson with Tommy and Maria. He could connect the dots and piece the puzzle together, and the blaring answer was something bad had happened. What exactly? Now, that was going to take a little bit of time.

You came back downstairs a few minutes later. Dressed in some worn out jeans and a sweater made of pure sheep’s wool. Joel’s jacket was resting along the crook of your arm as you handed him a little felt box that went along with the fawn.

“Keep my jacket. I’ve got plenty at home.” Was the first thing that he uttered as he took the felt box from you and gently placed the fawn figurine inside before tucking it safely away in his pocket.

“Joel, I can’t do that. I’ve got plenty of jackets here as well.”

He wanted to tell you to keep it because he liked the way it looked on you. He kept those thoughts to himself for the time being.

“Alright, I won’t fight ya on it.” He shrugged.

“Good, cause you’ll lose every single time you try.” There was a playful edge to your tone as you placed the jacket back around his shoulders.

“Is that a challenge?” He mused, with his eyebrow quirked upwards.

“Nope. It’s facts.” You grinned.

Yeah, we’ll see about that.

More of Jackson’s residents began to emerge from their homesteads at the shrill sound of the breakfast bell chiming from the mess hall. Joel had respectfully offered you his arm as you descended down the porch steps, and past your crooked gate. You obliged to his offer, wrapping your gloved hand around the crook of his elbow.

You had never felt so many pairs of eyes on you since living in Jackson. Curious, envious, surprised, disgusted? Those were the types of looks you encountered from a handful of Jackson’s residents. The looks you received were mostly from women, and even though the world had ended, jealousy was still brewing.

It wasn’t everyday that Joel Miller came strolling into the mess hall with a pretty thing on his arm. You stood out like two sore thumbs, but it seemed like neither of you were paying much mind to it. Joel was used to the stares. People around here didn’t know much about him, other than the fact that he was Tommy’s older brother and Ellie was..like a daughter to him. They’d see the scars on his hands and arms and split like a sundae. He’d hear the whisperings of who he was, where he came from, and he’d shrug it all off. He much preferred keeping his family close, and everyone else at an arm's reach. He secretly relished in remaining a mystery to most.

“Well, I’ll be damned.” Tommy spoke in a surprised tone as you and Joel approached the table that he and Maria were currently seated at. “Ya finally get Beanie outta her coffee shell?”

“It appears that I did. Told her about Maria’s egg casserole and she was sold instantly.” Joel reached over and gave his brother a gentle pat on the shoulder. “Ellie stroll through here yet?”

“She came in a few minutes ago with Dina. There sittin’ with their friends ov’there.” Tommy gestured with the end of his fork.

“Thanks. Got somethin’ I wanna give t’her.” He turned towards you then and gave you a reassuring smile. “Why don’t ya go and grab yourself a plate. I’ll come sit with ya in a minute.”

“Do you want me to grab you a plate as well?..”

“You’re a real doll. Thank you, that would be great.” He gave his brother a slight nod before he was sauntering away to where Ellie was sitting. Her and Dina were sitting side by side, shoulders touching.

“Hey, kiddo.” Joel murmured softly.

“Hey, Joel.” Ellie responded, not looking up from her plate. Things between them were..rocky to put it nicely. She loved her dad of course, and after what happened yesterday she thought she’d be okay, but the truth was she wasn’t.

“I uh—don’t mean to bother you and Dina or nothin.’ Jus’ wanted to give this to you.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out the little velvet box and placed it down in front of her. “Beanies got this collection of treasures and I saw this..little fawn, and immediately thought of you kiddo.”

Why can’t I just be good with my words for once in my fuckin’ life?

Ellie could feel tears pricking the corner of her eyes as she gently lifted the lid off the box to reveal the little felt deer encased inside. This small gesture meant more than Joel would ever realize..but Ellie kept her poker face strong.

“Thanks, Joel.”

His heart dipped and sunk like dry sand becoming wet and weighed down from tumultuous waves crashing upon the shore. It was a small step in what he hoped was the direction of forgiveness.

“You’re welcome, kiddo.” He cleared his throat before he ambled away back to the table where the rest of his family were sitting. He had only known you for less than twenty four hours, and he already thought of you as family. He didn’t count all the times before outbreak day only because that part of himself had died along with Sarah. Or, so he thought.

“El..he’s trying at least.” Dina was resting her chin along Ellie’s shoulder as they were both gazing down at the little felt fawn.

“He is.” Ellie murmured softly.

Joel took a seat across from you as you were sitting next to Maria, gushing over her egg casserole, and how Joel was absolutely right about you not living until you tried it.

He thought you looked so pretty with a soft smile on your face as you looked at Maria with genuine adoration.

At nightfall, Joel, Tommy and a few other men were out patrolling. With the winter being so harsh, there were more chances of man wandering through these parts. Stragglers were one thing, raiders? That was a whole other story. Joel and Tommy took to the east on horseback. The longer winter night was dead silent. There was no howling wind to whip against the bone dry branches. No low hoot from an owl. It was quiet, too quiet. Even the horse’s hooves were nearly undetectable from how soft and careful they were stepping into the snow.

The only light source they had was the brightly lit moon shining in the jet-black sky. The stars scattered about weren’t nearly as brilliant as the moon.

Joel broke through the silence as he adjusted the strap of his rifle over his shoulder. “Tommy?..” he started, “do you know what happened to Beanie?..”

Tommy let out a huff of air as the bitter cold burned his lungs. He averted making eye contact with his brother before he was met with no other choice but to finally make eye contact with him. “It ain’t my place to tell you that, brother. I’m sorry.” He sounded defeated with his words because he didn’t want to keep anything hidden from Joel. Not after all those years they had spent apart from one another.

“You better give me a real fuckin’ reason why you can’t tell me. Tommy, she nearly fuckin’ shot me this mornin’ because she thought I was a threat. That I was a danger to her life. You can’t tell me anythin?’” Joel whispered back, harsher than he had wanted but he didn’t like being left out of the loop.

“Joel,” Tommy hissed under his breath, “Even if I knew the exact details of what that woman went through, I wouldn’t be able to disclose them to you.”

“Why the hell not?” Joel quipped back.

“Because, because..she ain’t got’a fuckin’ clue about what happened to herself either, Joel.”

What?

Banners made by the lovely @saradika

Tag List: @chaotic-mystery @cavillscurls @thetriumphantpanda @sinsofsummers @morning-star-joy @cupofjoel @dinsdjrn @kirsteng42 @korynnekorynne @amanitacowboy @casa-boiardi @yazsos @joeldjarin @bitchwitch1981 @laurrrra @whattownheadshake @evylzzz @ahintofkiwistrawberry @ladymildfrd @bobafettbutifhewasgay @gintheginger @pedrobaby @sheepdogchick3 @cactusangie @mrs-dr-reid @littlemisspascal @tessa-quayle @darkroastjoel @pedrostories

I will be getting rid of my tag lists in the near future and making a separate account for just my fics. I’ll be making this announcement soon!

Chapter 4:

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bumblepony · 4 months

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I got my final commissioned illustration for Boy I Was Back Then, my Tommy and Maria Ranch Hand AU, today, and I am so happy to share it with you all.

This is the wonderful Artist who created it for me @alyona11 . Thank you so much for your wonderful work. I could not be any happier!

#tlou #tlou fanfiction #tommy miller #maria miller #kevin lives #the last of us #tommy x maria #ao3 #fan art #I love this little family so damn much #Ranch Hand AU

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sycamorelibrary754 · 3 months

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Guardian Angel

Chapter 8: Chocolate Coins

Summary: Things are looking up now. You are finally heading back to work at The Candy Bar, and you have taken a big step forward in your relationship with Wanda by meeting Billy and Tommy. Can anything bring you down today?

Warnings: None?

Word Count: 3.2k

A/N: I’m so excited! We’re headed for some angst and suspense in the coming chapters. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Guardian Angel Masterlist

“Are you sure you're ready?” Wanda asked cautiously.

The redhead had dropped Billy and Tommy off at school and then came over to the compound to help you get ready for your first day back to work at The Candy Bar.

“Sweetheart, we've talked about this. Helen and Bruce have cleared me: no more walking boot, no more sling. I completed the required month of physical therapy, and I feel good. I’m ready for this,” pulling an outfit out of your closet.

“Ugh…you’re right, you’re right,” flopping down onto the bed and covering her face with her hands.

You crawled onto the bed and lay beside her, still in your pajamas.

“Hey,” moving her hands away from her face. “I’ll be fine. Besides, it’s not like I’m fighting fires or anything. I’m bagging candy and scooping ice cream all day.”

The redhead turned sideways to face you on the bed. “Just promise me you’ll listen to your body. Sit down if you need a break; if there’s something high on a shelf, let Harper get it.”

You cut off her rambling with a gentle peck on the lips.

“What was that for?”

“It was the only way to get you to stop,” giggling at the redhead.

After a hearty bowl of frosted flakes and a steaming cup of coffee, Wanda drove you to work. You hadn't figured out what to do about a new mode of transportation yet, as your car was totaled in the accident. Honestly, it was the last thing on your mind at this point. All you could do was take your recovery one step at a time, and the next step was to go back to work.

^*~*^

Walking into The Candy Bar after almost three months filled you with excitement and nostalgia. The familiar aroma of sweets filled your senses, and you couldn't help but tear up at the sight. You had kept in touch with Harper, your best friend and business partner, over Zoom and FaceTime, but you had promised yourself that you would return to the store only when you could walk back into it on your own.

“Harper?” you called out.

“Surprise!”

The lights flipped onto reveal Harper holding one of your mini ice cream cakes in front of a banner behind the counter that read, Welcome Back Y/N!

“Aww, this is so sweet, Harper,” walking over to hug her. “You didn’t need to do this.”

“Oh, Please! I don't want to hear another word. This is a triumphant return; of course, we will celebrate.”

“Thank you so much. This means a lot to me.” You were so engrossed in hugging your best friend you almost forgot about the redhead standing beside you. “Oh, Wanda! Where are my manners?! Harper, this is Wanda Maximoff.”

“Hi, wow. Harper Bailey,” shaking Wanda’s hand vigorously. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for, you know, the world,” still shaking her hand.

“You’re welcome,” Wanda giggled and looked over at you.

“Okay, that’s enough, Harper,” you said, separating their hands.

“Right! Um, I’ll go turn the closed sign to open.”

“It’s been a while since I’ve been here,” Wanda said, taking the space.

You put on your Candy Bar apron and adjusted your name tag. It felt so lovely to be back in your work attire. You glanced at your watch.

“Sweetheart, don’t you have a meeting with the team at 10:30?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. They won’t start without me.”

“Wanda, it's okay. Truly, you don’t need to hang around here all day. I’ll call you on my lunch break. Go, have a good day, and I’ll see you tonight.”

Wanda sighed and walked toward you. “Okay,” placing her hands on your cheeks, “but if you need anything at all, don’t hesitate to call me,” ending her speech with a kiss.

“I won’t. Bye, sweetheart.”

“Bye.”

You watched the redhead leave. Just as you did the first time she walked into your shop. The feeling of Deja vu was mutual, as Wanda glanced back at you with one final wave as she walked out the door.

“Man, do you two got it bad,” Harper said as she joined you at your side.

“Shut up,” blushing at the thought. “I’ve waited three months to say this, Harper. Let’s go to work.”

*^~^*

Steve's voice jolted Wanda out of her daydream, and she quickly refocused her attention on him. "What do you think about running point from the compound on this upcoming mission?" he asked her. "It'll let you get your feet wet before you're out in the field again."

Wanda considered the proposal for a moment before nodding. "Sure, I'm up for it. Whatever you need."

"Great," Steve said, looking pleased. "I'll make sure to give you all the necessary details as soon as we have more information on movement from the targets."

Maria stood up from her seat at that moment, signaling the end of their meeting. "Thanks, everyone. Let's reconvene in two days to finalize the plan.”

As Wanda approached the door, Bucky stepped before her, blocking her path.

"May I help you?" she inquired, puzzled.

"Okay, Wanda. What's going on?" Bucky asked, concerned.

Wanda tried to play it cool. "What do you mean?"

"You've never zoned out in the middle of a meeting before. What's on your mind?"

"Nothing," she replied, trying to dismiss the subject.

"You're a terrible liar, you know that," Bucky remarked, seeing right through her.

Wanda knew that Bucky had a knack for cutting through the bullshit. "Is it Billy and Tommy?"

"No, no, the boys are fine," she quickly dismissed the idea.

"Is it this mission? I can understand why you might be hesitant. It's been a long time since you've been out there."

"It's not the mission," she replied, turning around and walking back to the conference table.

Bucky followed her. "Then what is it?"

"It's y/n's first day back at the Candy Bar, and I'm just worried about her, that's all," Wanda confessed, exhaling deeply.

Bucky smirked. "You realize our job is vastly more dangerous than hers, right?"

"Yes, it's just... This is a big step in her recovery, and the shop means so much to her. I want it to go well."

"She'll be fine," Bucky reassured her, wrapping his arms around her. "She'll be home before you know it. Plus, it's movie night. You know how Y/N loves a good movie."

Wanda relaxed into Bucky's embrace. The super soldier had become a trusted friend, especially since her return to the team.

"Ooh, shoot," Wanda said, glancing at the clock. "I have to go pick up the boys at school, and if I don't leave now, I'll be late."

Bucky nodded. "Thanks for listening, Buck. I'll see you later."

"Okay, see you later," watching her rush out the door. Bucky could sense that Wanda was still concerned despite his attempts to reassure her.

*^~^*

“Thanks, and please come again," you said as you handed the customer her bag of candy and homemade chocolate chip cookie. "Phew," you added, wiping your brow with the back of your forearm.

“Are you okay?" Harper asked

"Yes, I'm fine. I just forgot what the afternoon rush was like."

"Why don't you take your lunch break now? I can handle things for a bit."

"No, that's not necessary. I can do it.”

“I know you can,” Harper touched your shoulder, "I just don't want your girlfriend on my case for not making sure you're taking it easy."

You laughed and replied, "Okay, I'll take a break. But not because of my girlfriend, because I know my limits.”

“Of course you do.”

You step out of the shop onto the quiet side street, craving fresh air. After munching on the delicious peanut butter sandwich and apple slices that Nat had lovingly packed for you, you take out your phone and dial Wanda's number.

As soon as she picks up, you feel a wave of warmth washing over you. "Hey, sweetheart! I've been thinking about you all day. How's everything going down there?"

You smile to yourself, feeling grateful for having someone who cares about you so deeply. "It's going well," you reply, strolling back and forth. "I didn't realize how much I missed the shop until today. I'm on my lunch break right now. What are you up to?"

Wanda chuckles, and you can hear the sound of her kids playing in the background. "Just picked up the boys from school. They're supposed to be doing their homework, but I'm pretty sure they're playing rock, paper, scissors."

You laugh, feeling like you can picture the scene perfectly. "Why do I feel like I would be right there playing with them?"

"Because you totally would," Wanda agrees, and you can't help but grin.

"I miss you," you confess, feeling a little pang in your chest.

"I miss you too," Wanda says softly. "I can't wait to see you in four hours and eighteen minutes."

You chuckle, happy to hear she's also keeping track of time. "You watching the clock too?"

"Maybe..." Wanda giggles, and you feel your heart swelling with love for this remarkable woman.

Suddenly, you hear a commotion from inside the shop. Harper is calling you urgently. "Hang on a second, Wanda," you say, quickly moving the phone from your ear.

"What is it?" you ask Harper, feeling your heart racing.

"There's a strange man in the shop," Harper whispers, looking at you with concern.

You feel a chill run down your spine. "I gotta go, honey," you tell Wanda. "Harper needs me. I'll see you in a little bit."

"Okay, bye, y/n," Wanda says, her voice filled with worry at the abrupt departure.

"Bye," you say, ending the call and rushing back inside the shop to face whatever danger might be lurking there.

As you scanned the shop, you noticed a man standing near the candy with his back to you. He wore a black leather jacket, gloves, and a black baseball cap. You felt a little uneasy and were just about to call Wanda back and ask for help when he turned toward you. Your breath caught in your throat momentarily, but you immediately recognized the familiar face and breathed a sigh of relief.

“Oh, for God’s sake! It’s okay, Harper,” you called out. “I know him. Bucky, what are you doing here?”

“Oh hey, y/n! Is this your shop? I didn’t realize...”

“Buck, what’s going on? Did Wanda send you down here? I was just on the phone with her. She sounded fine,” weaving through the rows of candy.

“Dear God, no. She has no idea I’m here. But you should’ve seen her during the team meeting this morning, y/n. So distracted with worry over you going back to work. I wanted to ease her mind a bit.”

“That’s very sweet, Bucky,” you said, patting him on the back. “As you can see, I’m fine.”

He nodded in agreement and wrapped an arm around your shoulder.

“You know, for an Avenger, I was expecting a more covert disguise,” you said with a smirk as you wiggled the bill of his hat. “Isn’t Tony in charge of ensuring you guys are badass in style?”

“I would rather take a bite out of brick than wear a superhero costume,” he chuckled.

You looked over your shoulder to see your best friend watching you with a look of confusion on her face.

“Come on, I’ll introduce you to Harper. You scared the crap out of her.”

“Oh, no. That’s okay. I should be getting back to work,” Bucky said, pointing towards the door.

“I thought this was work?”

“More like freelancing.”

“Hmm, I see… You want some ice cream?” you asked, gesturing towards the ice cream display.

Bucky peered over your shoulder at the menu on the wall. “Do you have Pistachio?”

“I think I can scare up some Pistachio,” you giggled.

*^~^*

After a long day at work, Wanda showed up to pick you up and drove you back to the compound. Despite your insistence that you could call for a ride, she was determined to take you home. As you got into her car, you expressed gratitude and apologized for the inconvenience.

"Where are Billy and Tommy?" you asked.

Wanda smiled and replied, "They're at the compound playing with Morgan. If you're up for it, I'd love to introduce you to them tonight. I know you've had a long day back, and it's a school night, so we won't stay long," she reassured you, "but I would love for them to meet the woman who's making me so happy."

As you listened to Wanda speak, you felt a lump form in your throat and had to look away for a moment to compose yourself.

You had longed for the day when Wanda would feel comfortable enough to introduce you to her sons, but you didn't want to push things too fast. You knew that they had already gone through so much pain and heartache in Westview after losing their father, and you didn't want to disrupt the new life that Wanda had worked so hard to build for them as a family of three. Despite your desires, you respected Wanda's boundaries and tried to be patient, hoping that one day, she would feel ready to take that step with you.

“Nothing would make me happier, Wanda.”

*^~^*

As you stepped out of the elevator and into the common area, you were greeted by the comforting aroma of food cooking. You spotted Maria and Natasha moving about the kitchen, preparing dinner. The sound of sizzling and chopping filled the air, making your stomach growl with hunger.

Maria noticed your arrival and greeted you, "Hey, y/n! How was your first day back at work?"

You placed your messenger bag on the counter and took a seat on the island, feeling the tiredness from the day setting in. "It was terrific," you replied, "I'm tired, but it's the good kind of tired. A successful day at the Candy Bar," you said.

Just then, Yelena walked into the kitchen with a bottle of Vodka and a shot glass. "Ah, perfect timing! The candy maker is home," she exclaimed.

Yelena explained that it was a team tradition to mark the occasion of someone recovering from an injury and returning to the field with a celebratory shot. Natasha quickly dismissed her sister's intention, saying that you didn't have to do it if you didn't want to.

But you liked the sound of it and picked up the glass, gesturing to Wanda. "To life," you said with a wink before downing the shot in one go.

Impressed, Yelena complimented you, "Congratulations, y/n. We're glad to have you here," patting you on the back as Wanda kissed you.

As you were chatting with Wanda, suddenly, you heard a commotion down the hall, and the next thing you knew, Morgan, Billy, and Tommy came running through the room.

“Careful!” Nat shouted as Tommy super-sped around the sofa.

“These must be the guests of honor,” you whispered to the redhead next to you. She just chuckled at your statement.

“Billy and Tommy, could you come here for a moment? I have someone I want you to meet.”

Billy and Tommy stopped at their mom’s voice and approached you.

“Boys, I’d like you to meet y/n. Y/N, this is Billy and Tommy,” Wanda gestured to each of her sons.

“Hi, I’ve heard so much about both of you from your mom. It’s nice to meet you!” You said, shaking both of their hands.

“Hi,” they both said, a bit shyly.

“Remember the special candy bags you two got for birthdays?” Wanda said. “It was from y/n’s shop, The Candy Bar.”

“Wow, you own a candy shop? That’s so cool! So you get to eat candy all day?” Billy asked, his eyes wide with excitement.

“I did for the first couple of weeks after I opened the shop,” you explained, “but I always had a nasty stomachache.”

“Did you bring any candy with you?” Tommy asked, looking at you with puppy dog eyes.

“Tommy,” Wanda smirked.

“No, that’s alright. Hmmm,” you rubbed your hands together. “I think I might have something,” you said, reaching behind Tommy’s ear and pulling out a chocolate gold coin.

“Woah! Cool!” Tommy exclaimed.

“I think you may have one back here as well,” you said, reaching behind Billy’s ear and pulling out another coin. “Oh, look at that, I was right!”

“Awesome!” Billy said.

“What do you say, boys?” Wanda reminded them.

“Thank you, Y/N!”

“Yeah, thank you, Y/N!”

“You're welcome, guys.”

“Can we go back to playing now, Mom?” Billy asked.

“You may,” Wanda smiled.

“Oh, and Morgan, come here for a second,” kneeling to the little Stark’s level. “Ah, there we go!” Reaching behind the girl’s ear and pulling out another gold coin.

“Thank you, Y/N!” Morgan gasped with joy.

“You’re welcome, honey,” you said, wrapping her in a hug.

All three kids ran off happily back toward Morgan’s room.

“That was a surprise,” Wanda said. “Since when are you a magician?”

“You don’t know everything about me yet,” you smirked, repeating the exact words she said on your first date. “It’s part of the magic that is me.”

“Ah, I see,” Wanda said, wrapping her arms lovingly around your neck. “Well, I can’t wait to see what other tricks you have up your sleeve.”

“I’m just getting started,” you winked, feeling a rush of affection for the redhead.

*^~^*

The day had been long and tiring, and you were looking forward to movie night with the rest of the team. After saying goodnight to Wanda and the boys, you joined the others in the living room, where they were bickering over which movie to watch. Kate and Clint couldn't agree on the genre, but eventually, they settled on an action movie that you weren't particularly interested in. You found a comfortable spot on the end of the sofa and snuggled up in your favorite fluffy blanket.

Tony was sitting next to you, reading the newspaper, one of the many things that intrigued you about him. The entire compound was futuristic and filled with state-of-the-art technology, but Tony still enjoyed the simplicity and controversy of the printed word.

As you watched the movie, a name on the newspaper's front page caught your eye. You asked Tony if you could see the paper, and he handed it to you. The headline read,

"Onyx Petroleum Company seeks permission to drill on remnant Sokovian soil. Y/F/N Y/L/N, Y/M/N Y/L/N to meet with Slovakia and the Czech Republic.

Your heart sank as you read those words. No matter how far you ran, your parents always found a way to return to your life in the most unexpected and disastrous ways. You tossed the paper aside, feeling troubled and uneasy.

"Excuse me, everyone," you said, standing up. "It's been a long day, and I'm pretty tired. I think I'll call it a night. Goodnight, all."

You walked towards your room, feeling the weight of the news on your shoulders. Tony was the only one who noticed the troubled look on your face. He picked up the newspaper and read the headline. His heart sank, and his blood boiled. Without saying a word, he got up and followed you to your room, determined to help however he could.

#guardian angel #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x reader #wanda x you #billy maximoff #tommy maximoff #natasha romanoff #maria hill #steve rogers #bucky barnes #yelena boleva #kate bishop #mcu #the avengers #fluff #light angst

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meetmypointlessaddiction · 8 months

Text

Joel Miller x f!reader: Burnout

Forgot to post the next chapter of So It’s Gonna Be Forever due to a huge burnout so instead I wrote this.

Summary: Reader is suffering from a huge burnout in which everything becomes overwhelming such as her senses but fiancé Joel is there to save the day. (I don’t think this has a medical term but this is purely from personal experience so I may be wrong.)

Warnings: Mentions of panic attack or similar event, sensory overload (?), not wanting to be touched or hear things etc, pretty sure that’s everything but let me know if I’ve missed anything.

This was written on my phone and has no beta so all mistakes are mine. Please enjoy and let me know if I’ve missed anything.

Words: 2,1k

Life in Texas was relaxing for the most part. You lived with your fiancé and stepdaughter in a remote town just outside of Austin and taught in the only elementary school in the town and taught the few dozen second graders. You and Joel had been together for almost six years, the pair of you meeting when Sarah was just four years old. It wasn’t often that you suffered from exhaustion but this week had been one straight from the depths of hell and you were more than ready to curl up in bed and not leave for a week.

It was tradition for you, Joel and Sarah to travel into Austin with Tommy and his wife Maria to attend the first fun fair of the spring however this year you were not prepared. You seemed to be much more sensitive to everything and a fun fair filled with noise and different smells and crowds was not what your were ready for this week. The fair always opened on a Friday and after finally dismissing your class for the weekend, you were on the verge of tears when you noticed Joel in the car park waiting for you.

If it was any other year, you probably would have told Joel that you just could not go and he would explain to Sarah that they would have to go when you were feeling better but this year was a special occasion. Sarah was finally tall enough for the roller coaster she had been wanting to go on since you first took her to the fair four years ago. You couldn’t be the one to disappoint such a sweet child, not when it was the one thing she was looking forward to.

“Hey baby. Ready to get going?” He asked, leaning over to press a kiss to your lips but you turned her head, not wanting the contact. “You mad at me?” He asked, eyes wide and you were quick to shake your head.

“No it’s just one of the kids brought in vanilla cupcakes for their birthday and I had one. I know how much they make your head hurt and if you’re driving-.” Joel frowned but nodded.

“Thanks honey. Now Maria and Tommy are picking Sarah up and we’re waiting here for them and I’ll drive them to Tommy’s for his car and then we’ll head off. It ain’t far but it opens pretty soon and Sarah is adamant on being the first one on that damn roller coaster.” He chuckled and you felt like a stake had been driven through your heart. There was no way you could disappoint that girl now. Joel scrolled on his phone while you waited for Tommy and Maria to walk around the corner with Sarah. The girl was talking animatedly to Tommy while Maria walked a few steps in front, a smile on her face. The three of them climbed into the truck and Sarah grinned.

“You ready, bear?” You asked and Sarah nodded, smile widening with each passing second. Your head felt heavy and you struggled to keep the fake smile on your face, the effort making your more and more miserable. Tommy and Maria were dropped off at their car and then the three of you were off, Joel letting Sarah use his phone play music through the aux. The music worsened your mood and Joel seemed to notice.

“Sleep baby. I’ll wake you up when we get there.” Joel turned the music down slightly and you winced when he placed his hand in your thigh, trying your best to let your eyes close and sleep take over.

An hour later, you were being gently shaken awake by Maria while Sarah was already out of the truck and swinging from Joel’s arm. “Hey sweetie. Joel wanted to let you sleep a little longer but the fair is opening in five and little miss is pretty determined.” She said and you just nodded. “Everything ok? You wanna talk about anything?” She asked but you shook your head, not wanting to put a damper on the mood.

The noise of the fair was enough to make your face sour and your body curl in on itself, shying away from every touch Joel tried to give you. You didn’t want to hold his hand or have his arm around you, you wouldn’t even let him put his jacket around your shoulders, not being able to do anything other than give him an apologetic smile. While Tommy queued with Sarah for one of the other rides, the roller coaster not yet being open, Maria pulled Joel aside.

“You dyed one of her shirts red again?” She asked and Joel shook his head.

“I don’t know what I’ve done. She was fine this morning but when I picked her up she wouldn’t even kiss me. She won’t let me touch her hell she physically winced when I put my hand on her thigh in the car. Is she scared of me? Y’think someone has done something to her?” He whispered in shock but Maria shook her head.

“She been like this before?” Maria asked but Joel just frowned.

“She told me she used to have trouble with sensory things. Didn’t like people touching her or the texture of clothes and food but it ain’t been a problem since we started dating. You think something’s changed?” He questioned and Maria shrugged.

“Just keep an eye on her. Might get worse before it gets better.” She warned and Joel nodded the pair of them walking back over to see you sitting on one of the benches, picking at the skin on your hand. Joel slid a clump of cotton candy in between them but you just shook your head.

“You not hungry darlin’?” He asked and you shrugged, not willing to explain that upon seeing and feeling the item, your brain had suddenly decided that it didn’t like the texture or the thought of eating it. “Wanna go sit in the car for five? Talk to me?” Joel offered but you just shook your head again as you noticed Tommy and Sarah being admitted into the carts. The multiple different scents were sending a wave of nausea through your body and you couldn’t help but pull at your fingers, trying to remove the residue that the cotton candy had left behind.

The ride was over fairly quickly and the fair was still relatively empty but as time went on and more rides opened, the fairground filled up and soon enough, everyone where you went you were shoulder to shoulder with complete strangers. You felt tears fill your eyes when you noticed it wasn’t Joel beside you but some random man while your fiancé was behind you. You froze and it was like an anchor was pulling you down. Exhaustion took over and if it wasn’t for Tommy quickly wrapping his arms around your waist from the left, you would have been in a heap. Your hands went to your ears as Tommy yelled for Joel and Maria ushered Sarah over to the next ride.

“What the hell happened?” Joel asked, pushing through the people to find you leant against Tommy’s chest with your hands plugging your ears and eyes squeezed shut. “Can I lift ya up honey? Just to get you to a bench?” He said, tapping you to get your attention. When you didn’t answer, he put an arm under your legs and around your waist and lifted you, bad back be damned.

Tommy followed the pair of you just outside of the fair where Joel sat you down on a bench a replaced your hand with his, pressing the other ear to his chest while he covered your eyes with the palm of his free hand. “She ok?” Tommy asked and Joel shook his head.

“Remember when she told us about the sensory thing?” Joel said and Tommy nodded. “I think it’s that. It all makes sense, not wanting to be touched and the noise and food. I think I’m gonna have to take her home. Can you go get Sarah and Maria?” Tommy nodded.

After five minutes, you were till being shielded by Joel, noise and sight blocked by his hands. Joel saw Sarah rush over but Tommy managed to stop her before she could touch you. “Mama?” She asked and Tommy cuddled her close to him.

“She’s ok babygirl. She’s gonna be ok. You remember when mama said that sometimes she couldn’t deal with sounds and touch and seeing too many things? How sometimes it made her really sad?” Sarah nodded, eyes glossed over. “She’s feeling a little over sensitive to things right now so I’m gonna take her home and I need you to stay with Uncle Tommy and Maria ok? Just until tomorrow and I’ll pick ya up and we’ll stay in and watch movies.” Joel explained and Sarah noticed how serious his voice was and nodded, Joel was just glad his daughter was so mature.

Tommy took Sarah out of the way, probably towards one of the food stands, while Maria stood in front of Joel. “There’s a weighted blanket in the back of Tommy’s car, might help ground her a little more.” Maria suggested and Joel nodded. “I’ll walk to the truck with you.”

“I ain’t moving yet. Not until she’s calmed down a little more.” Joel said and Maria just smiled. Maria and Joel weren’t exactly on great terms when they first met, Maria not able to shake the views her parents had drilled into her from when she was young. She believed Joel should be out looking for a wife instead of looking after his daughter but after seeing how different he was with his daughter, Maria soon warmed up to him and came to care for her niece and brother-in-law. She was the first one to threaten you when you and Joel first began dating, not willing to risk the stability that Joel and Sarah had found after the untimely death of his ex wife.

After settling down slightly, you slumped against Joel’s chest and he sighed, hoisting you up into his arms and heading straight for the truck while Maria diverted to Tommy’s car to grab the weighted blanket. “I’ve put it on the back seat. Get her a cup of tea and into bed and lay it over her. We’ll drop Sarah off tomorrow just give us a call.” Maria said and Joel smiled, thanking her before putting his foot on the gas and heading home.

“Hey baby. Feeling a little better?” Joel asked as he noticed your eyes open. You just shrugged and Joel smiled sadly. “You wanna call at a McDonalds to get some fries?” You shook your head and Joel nodded, his eyes turning back to the road, not wanting to push you any further.

“Sorry.” You muttered and Joel’s frown deepened.

“The hell you sorry for? It ain’t your fault honey. I don’t wanna hear it, ok?” Joel said and you just nodded, smiling slightly. When he finally pulled up into the driveway of your shared home, Joel opened your door for you and then followed you to the front door, opening it for you. “You head on up to bed and I’ll make you a drink and bring some snacks up, you ain’t eaten anything since this morning.” Joel said and you just nodded again, shocked at how well he was taking the whole sensory overload thing.

Changed into a pair of silk pyjamas that weren’t making your skin itch, you lushed the sheets to Joel’s side of the bed and laid down, the feeling of the sheets already making you feel ill. “Cup of tea, should warm you up a little. You want me to take the sheets off?” He asked but you shook your head.

“Don’t want you to get cold.” You said but Joel chuckled.

“Honey you steal my side of the blanket every damn night. I’m pretty used to being a little chilly.” He teased and you scowled at him, letting him remove the sheets from the bed and sit on the edge opposite you.

“Lay down with me?” You asked quietly and Joel complied, setting a few snacks on his bedside table, noticeably none of them had any abnormal textures to them. Joel rested an arm behind his head while the other simply rested between you both. Seeing his huge palm laying there empty brought a sudden urge upon you and you tentatively placed your hand in his, noticing the smile that came across his face. “Feeling a little better.” You said shyly and Joel nodded.

“You take as long as you need sweetheart. I’ll be here.”

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