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#me getting out my powerpoint presentation
virtues-end · 2 years
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So how does magic work? Like why are some people better with it when it's held outside the body? Why does it need to be held outside the body at all? How do people decide what spells they like and are good at? Is there a limit on how much they can use before it's harmful?
How does magick work?
The use of magick was made possible by the thinning of the veil between the physical plane, Aerd, and Hel. Magick draws power from Hel, and it's more powerful near places where the veil is the thinnest.
Why are some better at magick than others?
Simply put, they have either dedicated their life to the study of magick, or they have an aptitude for it. With enough practice and study, anyone could become a mage, but those with a knack for it will truly excel.
Why does it need to be held outside the body?
Magick is not held outside the body, it comes from within. The sigils serve as a focus/guide for their spells; they are not strictly needed but it would be like capturing a gale in a net, or a very slippery fish with your bare hands. Only the most skilled of mages can tame that sort of chaos without a focus to rely on.
Tattooed sigils are the easiest to draw upon due to their proximity to their wielder, but objects such as jewellery work as well; objects also have the added benefit of being able to hold a reserve of magick.
How do people decide upon their spells?
Mostly necessity, really. Common folk rarely have access to any sort of magick, only those in certain positions. Magick is reserved for those with privilege or those in servitude to the Order.
Elexis and Penrose are not magick wielders themselves, for instance, while Idris and Shea are.
Are there limits?
Yes. I've likened it before to how swimmers train to increase their lung capacity. Once depleted of magick, the caster will need to rest to replenish it. Those who push beyond their limits will rapidly weaken and physically deteriorate.
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torchickentacos · 5 months
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My probably-bad college student confession is that I actually kind of love being in a deadbeat project group where I'm the only one pulling any weight. Like, YES. PLEASE. Surrender control to me. Let me ensure we all pass this. Do the bare minimum, I don't fucking care, as long as I can make sure we all pass this assignment. I'd much rather be in control (albeit control everyone else shoved on me, and they're lucky I'm happy about this) and pulling everyone else along than be stuck in a power struggle where everyone wants control and to assign shit and to argue about it endlessly.
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thresholdbb · 6 months
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Did I make my presentation for tomorrow’s job interview? Yeah, mostly
Did I come up with an entire other presentation where I explore the same topics in Star Trek terms? Absolutely
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catbugboy · 1 year
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if someone comes out as trans binary and then later comes out as non binary, and you continue to call them the first thing they came out as (on purpose), you're not being supportive or progressive
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nervousmonolith · 2 years
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starting to think that if i want my teachers to give me the accomodations i need , i need to write the most gut-wrenching personal essay about dyslexia that has ever been created
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calciferstims · 2 years
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but..what exactly are izzy hands though? 😅
oh he’s just a guy I heard he’s pretty nice and chill actually :)
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slimmestslime · 6 months
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every day. somehow, by the grace of fucking god. my wifi manages to get worse and worse
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this is THE most i get btw. and the upload speed is typically less than 1.
and yknow. it says 22mbs there but really its whatever my router feels like putting out. because i will be in the middle of downloading something and for 3 minutes straight it will dip for zero apparent reason. and i’ll have to restart the download.
this is also why i am a menace in any game that is reliant on good connection. sure, roblox or vrchat. but FPS and fighting games i genuinely can NOT play, and it sucks.
you could call it skill issue for the games, sure. but Man. my mcdonalds deepfried router cant do jack shit
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begaycommittreason · 6 months
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honestly i forgot that dick originally wanted to adopt jason as well just imagine how chaotic that would’ve been like
——————
jay: uh what’s for dinner
dick: well we have cereal and…
dick:
dick: hey don’t kids like the whole breakfast for dinner thing?
jay: i miss alfred
——————
dick: and for a bed i’d like to introduce you to this lovely thing called a futon!!
jay: …better than a cardboard box i guess
——————
jay: can i fight crime yet
dick: you’re a child
jay: you’re a slightly larger child
dick: …fair point, no extreme violence and minimum 4 flips per patrol
——————
dick: when a mommy and daddy love each other very much—
jay: i am not doing this with you dickface i know what sex is
dick: wait no little wing i have a powerpoint presentation. it’s color coded and everything!
jay: i wish i’d stayed on the street
——————
dick: okay that’s enough, you know what, get on top of the fridge
jay, hissing: this house is a fucking nightmare
——————
jay: hey some friends at school wanted to watch a movie, is it okay if they come here—
dick: yes, yes! oh my god finally i’m so proud you’re making friends jaybird, i’m gonna be the coolest host dad ever i’ll make pizza and
jay, already on the phone: yeah he said no, sorry guys, can we do it at tommy’s?
——————
dick teaching jason trapeze and circus stuff 😭
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jay: god the circus is so lame
dick: exCUSE ME i’m disowning you, get out
jay: WHAT
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dick, who forgot to pick up jay from school: oh god i’m so sorry, i’ll never do it again
jay, who’s thrilled to be allowed in the library after hours every time, but never one to pass on a guilt trip: wow dick i never thought you of all people would abandon me
——————
dick: listen my support group says-
jay: you joined a support group for single moms dickface, that doesn’t count
dick: it does too, they all think i’m very brave for doing this alone
jay: for fucks sake-
——————
dick, coming home late from a date and seeing the lights on: uhh hello?
jay, sitting on a stool: and just where have you been all night young man?
dick: IM 26
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jason, pointing at the wayne family photos: so who do we like, and who do i hate on principle
dick:
dick: okay so this is complicated
jason: there’s only like three living people??
dick: right. so—
——————
dick, who pulled an all-nighter working on a case: good morning!
jay, who was reading jane austen and didn’t notice the sun came up: right…morning
dick:
jay:
dick: you didn’t sleep did you
jay: well clearly neither did you
dick: fair enough, coffee?
——————
jay: so this guy was shovin’ me around and-
dick: i’ll kill him
jay: …no.
dick: but-
jay: his mom’s the librarian and i can’t afford to fall out of sharon’s good graces
——————
dick: look it’s not my fault i’m so charismatic
jay: i’m not asking for a lot here
dick: you’re asking me to suppress my nature
jay: i’m asking you to stop flirting with all my teachers at parent teacher conferences
dick: c’mon it’s not that big of a deal
jay: …miss shields gave me her phone number to pass along the other day. so did mr. burnes, it’s getting outta hand dick
dick: oh i see, this is serious
dick: she’s really cute, maybe i should-
jay: STOP IT
——————
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hailsatanacab · 6 months
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A Persuasive Argument - dpxdc
"Great!" Danny says, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. The dinner table falls silent as everyone looks towards him. It's a full house today and, honestly, Danny's a little nervous. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today."
"It's dinnertime. In our house." Duke mutters, while doing a very bad job of concealing his yawn. He holds his fork poised over the braised beef, but, just like everyone else, still looks towards Danny before tucking in. It's intriguing enough to wait.
"Yeah, no one misses Alfie's dinner." Dick says, with a brilliant smile that Danny can't help but return.
"Precisely! What better time to talk to you all than when you're all actually here!"
"Wait, I thought you came round to work on our English essays?" Tim asks, blinking owlishly.
"I'm afraid I've lured you here under false pretences, Tim."
"This is where I live."
"I would still really appreciate help on that essay though, I mean, what the hell is Hamlet even about? I just don't get that old time-y language, like 'Hark! A ghost hath killed me!' - absolute rubbish, what does that even mean?"
"The ghost never kills anyone in Hamlet, he's there to tell Hamlet that he was murdered. Have you actually read it?"
"No, but it sounds like you have. Tim, I want this guy to help me with my essay instead. I know for a fact that you haven't read Hamlet, either."
"So? We don't need Jason, I've read the Sparknotes."
"Hi Jason, I'm Danny, pleasure to meet you, summarise Hamlet in three sentences or less."
"Am I auditioning to help you write your essays? I can't believe you’ve gone through your whole school life without reading it, it’s good!"
"Hamlet, along with a number of other classics, was banned in our house because it portrayed ghosts as intelligent and sympathetic beings rather than evil, animalistic beasts. I didn’t even get to see The Muppet's Christmas Carol until last year with Tim! It was surprisingly good, and I hate Christmas because everyone always argued and it sucked. But we're getting off topic. I—"
"No, no, please go back to that, because what the fu—"
"Boys, please." Bruce interrupts, looking to the world as if he wants to hang his head in his hands. "Danny, you were about to say something?"
"Oh, yeah, Mr. Wayne! Thanks!"
"Please, call me Bruce."
"Well, that very succinctly brings me to my point, because I'd actually really like to call you dad."
Nobody says a word. Nobody even blinks, all as shocked as the other, watching open-mouthed as Danny pulls his laptop out from beside his chair. Bruce can definitely feel a headache coming on.
"Before you say anything, I've prepared a 69 slide PowerPoint presentation on why you, Bruce Wayne, should adopt me, Danny Last-Name-Pending. Please save your questions, comments, and verdict until the end, thank you."
#dpxdc#batpham#i forget - can we tag the parent fandoms? w/e#immediately alfred's like: while i do appreciate your initiative may i suggest it wait until after dinner?#and danny - who has barely eaten proper homecooked food ever - takes one bite and then absolutely wolfs down the whole lot#after he's finished he's like 'bear with - I've got to add that to the 'Reasons I Would Like to Live Here' section'#danny's powerpoint has tailored sections for each batfam member with lists of reasons why they'd get along#my au thoughts on this is that the fentons disowned danny when he told them he was phantom#and that this is after the ultimate enemy - wherein which he allied himself with the JL to fight against dan#(which didnt really work at all - BUT he knows some of their identities now INCLUDING batman's)#so one of the main reasons why he'd be a great fit is that he knows their vigilante status anyway so they don’t need to worry about secrets#dick just turns to tim like 'he’s your friend. he learnt this from you.'#tim: 'i didn't tell him our identities!! i would never!!'#dick: 'no i know that. it's the stalker tendancies. it's baby tim all over again'#tim: scandalised gasp#they all eat dinner in silence just super subdued and in shock and sending glances to bruce and danny#duke like: 'so i know I'm the last one in the family but like... this isn't how it normally happens right? did any of you make powerpoints?#tim gets all shifty because he absolutely did make a powerpoint he just never actually showed it to anyone#everyone stares at tim because they all know. it was in one of bab's blackmail files she has on him#damian's slide has danny offering to throw down at any time. 'tim says you like to prove yourself with your skills?#how about a real challenge? if i beat you then you have to vote yes to adopting me!'#damian is in two minds about accepting because... 1) look at him damian could take danny in his sleep! but#2) on the off chance that he does win... damian does not want any more brothers#(he takes the bet and its a suprisingly fun fight - and while he'll never say this... he would vote yes even without the wager)#on one of danny's slides there's a picture of ellie: you'll also get my clone sister! two children for the price of one!!#uhhh.... thats it now - I've been having fun with this haha#spent all day with the 'ive lured you here under false pretences' 'danny i live here' line in my head haha#anyway enjoy!!!!!! this was fun#i wanna make these slides so bad
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Bruce: I've prepared another training presentation-
*collective batkid groaning*
Bruce: -Because I've heard some of you praise Tim-
Tim: God forbid I have an ounce of positive feedback!
Bruce: - For some of the things he said while fighting Jason in Titan's Tower.
Tim: .....Ok in my defense! You never had one of these PowerPoint presentations for what to do if your predecessor comes back from the dead!
Jason: Yeah! Where are the slides telling us what to do if we're suffering from extreme pit madness!
Bruce: At the end of this presentation. May I continue?
*Collective Batkid grumbling*
Bruce: Good. When engaging someone affected by the Lazarus Pits, you should not say anything purposefully antagonistic. There is no such thing as "throwing them off their rhythm" or "making them make a mistake" in these instances.
Tim: Oh if only there had been a ridiculously comprehensive slideshow about what I should've done!!
Bruce: The more you interrupt me, the longer this will take. Since there is no reason to incite anger in a person already filled with murderous rage, there is no use for the following phrases; "That explains why you smell like a musty bitch". "I'm wearing my nicest Robin costume for you and you couldn't be bothered to clean the grave dirt from under your nails". "I'm a bad bitch, you can't kill me". "Hit me again, and I'll sleep with your mom"-
Dick: Tim, that last one was way out of line. Do not threaten to sleep with people's parents. You're not Selina. You can't get away with it
Jason: In TimTam's defense, if I was myself at the time, I would've been impressed by the sheer audacity of what he was saying. I definitely would've slipped up or just left him alone
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cat-sithe · 9 months
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the relatable moment of ‘i don’t have to learn this skill because i can just get my sibling to do it’
i could make a 200 page PowerPoint presentation (with full slide animations and sound effects) explaining how to install the latest Minecraft Forge update but my sister would simply not retain the information.
yeah donnie has his tech skills so he can build cool things for his family, but I also see him helping them out in ways like these :)
t-cest DNI
(also if anyone’s struggling with my handwriting please let me know, i can type it out)
like my work? tip here!
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mars-ipan · 1 year
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group projects are fucking annoying
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drak3n · 4 months
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BANKER!KENTO
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CONTENT WARNINGS: fluff, slow burn, coworkers to lovers trope, reader is whipped for nanami, smut, office sex, oral (m. receiving, f. receiving implied) cum-eating
sena’s note: i will never get over my hubby :(
MINI-SERIES MASTERLIST
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➩ BANKER!KENTO who recently moved back to tokyo after having spent some time in malaysia; who came back as a well-rested, new man (& even more handsome with a nice tan)
➩ BANKER!KENTO who had absolutely no interest in socializing with his coworkers and making friends at his new job and whose one and only goal was to survive his shifts and leave
➩ BANKER!KENTO who didn’t think he’d meet a person who hated work as much as he did until he saw you nearly ripping your hair out in your office through the glass door
➩ BANKER!KENTO who you got teamed up with to do the annual financial statement together to present to the entire team; and you couldn’t be more nervous to approach the blonde
➩ BANKER!KENTO who approached you instead and asked if you should just split the tasks up and present them together in the end, because he assumed you didn’t want to interact with him
you blinked up at the tall man while he leaned over your desk. what?
“come again?” embarrassingly, you hadn’t listened to what he said. his forearms just looked so buff and he had no damn business rolling the sleeves of his perfectly ironed, blue shirt up to his elbows—
“—me which part you prefer and i’ll do the other.”
fuck. what did he say? you couldn’t ask him to repeat it once more. he’d think you were a dumbass. what was the best way to get out of this situation without completely busting it?
“yeah, sure!” your response was weird and overly enthusiastic, and you were never happier to be sitting at this desk. you wouldn’t have the slightest idea what to do with your arms and legs, or frankly, yourself, if you were standing.
totally missing the look of disappointment on nanami’s face — which he covered by clearing his throat and collecting himself again quickly — you spent the next few seconds looking at each other.
did he have something on his face? had he forgotten a splotch of shaving foam on his chin or cheek? or did he have a coffee stain on his shirt? your gaze was making him wonder.
“you can choose your part, then,” he muttered, hinting at the stack of papers that had been given to you and kento. oh now it made sense… of course he wouldn’t want to meet up to get this done together. obviously.
“uh, i could do the statistics and the powerpoint.” this time it was you hiding how disheartened you were, and he had no idea.
➩ BANKER!KENTO who, as time passed, grew fond of the way you carried yourself so gracefully; how you always kept a clear head (except for in the confines of your office where you liked ripping and crumpling papers instead of shoving them into the file shredder)
➩ BANKER!KENTO who actually enjoyed doing the annual closure exposure with you on christmas eve and watched as you stayed behind to tidy up
➩ BANKER!KENTO who silently joined you, much to your surprise as it was well-known already that he didn’t like staying for longer than he had to
“oh, kento, i’ll take care of it. just go enjoy your christmas eve.”
he grunted, throwing the plastic cups into the nearest trash can while you collected the leftover cookies, placing them into a tin. “don’t you have anywhere to be?” you asked out of interest, to which he shook his head. you smiled. “me neither.”
as you left through the backdoor, wrapped up in thick coats, gloves and scarfs, you noticed that it had started snowing. you wanted to ask him if he was up to come over to yours and have dinner together — perhaps not your usual pompous family christmas dinner, but takeout — and then watch a sappy movie with two mugs of hot cocoa… but you didn’t.
ironically, he thought the same, but he couldn’t get the worst past the lump in his throat.
instead, you seperated after a couple of feet, wishing each other a merry christmas and cursing yourselves why you didn’t speak up.
➩ BANKER!KENTO whose fingers hovered over your contact information a day before new year’s eve; who knew you two would probably spend that day alone, too, and who thought it wouldn’t be worth it to make the effort of roasting an entire duck just for himself
➩ BANKER!KENTO who was beaten to it when you called him instead
“hey, kento.” you said, and he could hear your soft smile. “i was wondering if you uh… would like to come over for new year’s eve? i was going to… bake a cake, and it would be a waste to just eat it all by myself and have to chuck the rest in the trash...”
as you chuckled awkwardly, you didn’t have the slightest clue that nanami sent a smile of victory towards the duck in his fridge and a bottle of red wine resting on his kitchen counter. as if he had gotten caught, he quickly coughed.
“yes, i’d like that,” he muttered into the speaker, which made you cover your speaker to let out a joyous squeal. “do you like roasted duck?”
➩ BANKER!KENTO whose eyes went wide at the sight of you in a dress, elegant as always, but less formal; who felt the need to loosen his tie, sweating despite the freezing temperatures outside as you pulled him into a hug after taking the pan from his arm
➩ BANKER!KENTO who never thought much of others complimenting his cooking, but who felt giddy as you swooned, asking him about all the ingredients and expressing how you’d never eaten a meal as delicious as his in your entire life
➩ BANKER!KENTO who wanted to excuse himself minutes before new year’s eve, but who let himself get dragged to your balcony to watch the fireworks, and who let out a sound of surprise as you pulled him down gently by his now loosened tie to smooch him breathless
“darling, what if someone sees?” nanami sat back in his chair and let out a shaky sigh when his dark eyes darted to the door, before settling on you, hidden right behind his desk as you sat on your knees, unbuckling his belt with deft fingers.
“you’ve been pressing against me every time you walked past me today, kento.” your eyes were laced with need as you took his thick, hard cock out of its restraints. “didn’t you want this?” the blonde gritted his jaw when your thumb knowingly rubbed against his slit, smearing precum all over the reddened tip.
“you don’t know what you do to me, love…” he couldn’t stop himself from bucking his hips into your mouth, not when you took him so well and sucked him so nicely. it was almost as if you were asking him to shoot his cum down your throat when your eyes met.
you greedily swallowed every bit of it when he did, tucking him back inside and dusting your skirt off, acting as if nothing happened. when you shot him a coy smile and attempted to leave his office, he grasped your wrist in his hand, uncaring if anyone saw or not at this point.
“w—what are you—”
“did you think i missed the way you rubbed your thighs together the entire time? sit on the desk, let me reward my lovely girl.”
➩ BANKER!KENTO who now had someone to spend all holidays with, and who he didn’t even mind working overtime with :)
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tagged: @melancholia-k @tansyfleurwhisper
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addledmongoose · 4 months
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Best of 2023 Good Omens Fanfiction
This is my list of the 20 best Good Omens fanfiction works I've read in 2023.
A few notes:
These are all complete works; there are no WIPs in the list.
Please feel free to let me know if a link stops working
It's not an ordered list. That would be far too difficult.
You'll probably recognize some of the most popular ones. They're popular for a reason, after all, but I hope you find something you haven't yet read.
The majority are full-length works, but there are definitely some shorter pieces.
These are certainly not the only good works I've read, but they are the ones I'm most likely to read more than once
Click the Keep Reading to see the list
If you're the author of one of these, first off, thank you! But second, if you want me to add your tumblr name to your story, let me know, and I'll edit.
This first section, all the stories are canon-compliant or canon-adjacent. In other words, it's at least somewhat set in the Good Omens universe.
a lighthouse (burning) (108K; Rated M)
This one is canon-adjacent and set in the 19th century. Aziraphale goes to a lighthouse to figure out where all the lighthouse keepers disappeared to, and Crowley follows along. This one is a bit of a spooky mystery along with the romance, and the writing style is simply beautiful. You really get a sense of being trapped in this lighthouse in the middle of nowhere.
***
The Grindr Logo Doesn't Even Have a 'G' In It (79K; Rated E)
It's honestly hard to remember that this one isn't human AU, but they're still just as angelic/demonic as ever. Aziraphale joins Grindr and starts texting (and then sexting) with a charming young man. It's no secret to the reader who this new hookup is. This story is genuinely funny at times. I like the funny ones.
***
The Whole Damned World Seemed Upside Down (103K; Rated M)
This is one of the best reverse omens stories I've read that isn't technically a reverse omens. Crowley wishes things were different after leaving the bookshop, and the universe gives him his wish. He finds himself in a world where Aziraphale hates him, Death has trouble taking lives, and basically everything you knew about the world of Good Omens is upside down. It's very funny. It uses inline footnotes (which is good, because it has a LOT of footnotes), and Death is hilarious.
***
it's a new craze (5K; Rated T)
Another one that seems like it should be human AU but isn't. Crowley and Aziraphale start up a podcast after the Notpocalypse and gain a loyal fanbase who can't figure out if they're a couple or not. They often forget who their audience is and often reference events in their shared history that make no sense to the humans listening.
***
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a demon in possession of a mobile phone, must be in want of attention (6K; Rated G)
And yes, that is the entire title. Another funny short story where a couple of podcast hosts receive a call from a certain angel whose demon trapped himself in his phone and won't leave.
***
In Mixed Company, or the Corporate Retreat of Heaven and Hell (52K; Rated M)
I've read this one at least three times, and it's probably my favorite of all. Every 300 years, Heaven and Hell share a company retreat on Earth during which angels and demons surrender their celestial powers and hold retreats. It has a great new angel friend of Aziraphale's; Hellish Powerpoint presentations; Gabriel being annoyingly chipper; and Aziraphale and Crowley sneaking around like teenagers trying to find some alone time.
***
How To Woo A Demon (24K; Rated T)
Aziraphale researches demonic courtship rituals and starts implementing them in order to convince Crowley he wants to take their relationship to the next level. Crowley is very confused by Aziraphale's actions. Another cute, funny one.
***
Factory Settings (107K; Rated T)
This one is famous for coming out practically as S2 dropped, making people think whoever wrote it (the author is anonymous) had something to do with the production of the show.
This is the only one I'm going to say anything negative about. There are a lot of spelling errors and typos in it. It needs a hard editing pass. Despite that complaint, I devoured this story as fast as I could scroll. It's that good, and even knowing all the errors are there, I'll probably still re-read it. I'm usually pretty picky about errors like that, so for me to overlook it and even recommend it, means I really liked it.
Crowley gets reinstated as the angel, Raphael, with no memory of his time as Crowley, and Aziraphale struggles to return him to his demonic self. It's heart-breaking and wonderful and I absolutely loved it.
***
One Night In Bangor (And the World's Your Oyster) (17K: Rated E)
Much like In Mixed Company, Heaven and Hell come together for a corporate retreat on Earth. In this one, some totally random demon who's name definitely doesn't rhyme with Bowley created a wager in Hell to see which demon could bed an angel first.
Another funny one. This time, a lot of the humor comes from the demons doing their best to pick up the angels with really bad pickup lines.
***
We Only Said Goodbye with Words, I Died A Hundred Times (9K; Rated E)
If I could learn to write even half as good as this, I'd be ecstatic. The emotions the author packs into this story are mind-blowing.
Crowley receives a cursed amulet that creates an ever-increasing need for the person he wants the most and goes to see Aziraphale.
***
To reveal my heart in ink (29K; Rated E)
Aziraphale starts writing letters to Crowley by mail. The letters they exchange slowly get more and more explicit.
***
Pray For Us, Icarus (66K; Rated G/T)
The author wrote this one as a series, so each one varies in chapter count and rating, but they tell a single, contiguous story.
This was the first long-form GO fanfiction I read, and it was way too close to the ending of S2. I really should've waited a while, because holy cow, is this one heartbreaking.
For three hundred years, Crowley has been reincarnated over and over as a human with no memory of his past. Aziraphale has spent those three hundred years trying to restore him to his true self.
The author, Atalan, is probably one of the best writers on the site. This story is stunning in the quality of its writing, in the pacing of the story, and in the emotions evoked. I normally don't like being sad (like I said, I like the funny ones), but I've saved this story off to make sure I always have it.
***
Pretend For Me (53K; Rated E)
In a panic, Aziraphale tells the archangels that he survived hellfire due to his soul mixing with Crowley's because they're in a romantic and sexual relationship, but now they want them to prove it.
I'm a sucker for fake relationship stories, and there aren't a whole lot of them where the characters are still angel/demon, but this one is. It's another fun one, though a bit more angsty than some of those I listed above.
***
The following are all human AU. Good chance you'll recognize all or most of these.
Married At First Sight (147K; Rated T)
One of the most recently completed stories in the list, this is a fake relationship story where Aziraphale and Crowley join a reality show that marries complete strangers off to each other. Their new marriage starts off on a less than idyllic foot and they decide to fake it for the show. The author is a master of making you want to scream "for fuck's sake, just talk to each other, you walnuts!"
Probably one of my favorite fake relationship stories.
***
Postcards From Paris (12K; Rated G)
The author, ghostrat (@mrghostrat), is a fantastic writer of human AU, and it's worth going through his entire backlist (and read his current WIPs, too).
Crowley moves into his Mayfair flat and starts receiving postcards addressed to the previous tenant from one A.Z.F., who is in Europe hunting for bizarre bibles and rating wine. Sweet and fluffy and the perfect antidote if you've just been on an angst binge.
***
Or Be Nice (151K; Rated E)
I stayed up until 6:30 in the morning reading this one, crashed for three hours, then read until I finished it. Then that night, I started it again.
This is, without hesitation, my all-time favorite human AU. It's funny. I love the author's version of the characters, and I will probably end up reading it again in just a few months. I probably already would have if it wasn't for the length of my Mark For Later and Subscription lists.
Crowley and Aziraphale are neighbors who get into a noise war. They both have their reasons for their actions, though to be honest, Crowley is a bit of an ass at first. Once they really start talking, though, they are absolutely wonderful together.
Even if you've never read a human AU, I recommend at least giving this one a try.
***
What We Make Of It (Shotgun Wedding) (213K; Rated E)
This is the third charlottemadison work on this list. 15% of this list is just this one author. That's how good they are.
Aziraphale works as an English teacher. Crowley is the guardian for his nephew, Adam, and works for a school testing company. Crowley can't risk his job dating his nephew's gorgeous and charming teacher. Unless...
Crowley comes up with a crazy plan. Now he just has to convince Aziraphale to go along with it.
Again, another very popular human AU. One thing I love about this story is how there's a lot less angst between the two characters, and how they both really care for Adam.
***
Slow Show (95K; Rated E)
The very first human AU I read. Didn't even think I'd like that specific genre until I read it. Now, as you can see, it's about half of my reading list.
This is an actor AU. Aziraphale (named Avery here) and Crowley are actors working together on a new show. Avery is an award-winning, straight-laced, well-respected actor; Crowley is a mess who immediately falls head-over-heels for him and somehow has to get through the show without letting his (apparently straight) costar realize that.
***
South Downs (76K; Rated E)
Another actor AU. This time, Aziraphale is an openly-gay actor, well-respected for his period drama work. Crowley is a once-blackballed actor who jumps at the chance to star in a gay Regency romance with Aziraphale in the hopes it can restart his career. The trouble is, Crowley is struggling to play the romantic lead opposite a man.
I love the growing friendship between these two as much as the romance. I love how comfortable and confident Aziraphale is here; and how caring he is toward Crowley's growing awareness of his sexuality.
***
This one doesn't really fit either category, so I'm putting it here.
The Rose and the Serpent (56K; Rated M)
By the same author as Pray For Us, Icarus comes a GO retelling of Beauty and the Beast. Aziraphale is sent off by his older brother, Gabriel, into the forest to be held hostage by a giant snake in a cursed castle. Turns out, neither the snake nor the castle are what he was expecting.
Light-hearted and with very memorable characters, the relationship between Crowley and Aziraphale is simply stunning. I love how Newt and Anathema are used here. The quality of this one is as good as Icarus, and I loved this one so much I could easily have read 300K more words.
***
And bonus: mine!
The Beginning of the End (Again) (79K; Rated M)
The first fanfiction I've ever written and the first book I've written in a decade. I had the first two chapters in mind after finishing S2, and the story grew from there. I actually have a sequel in mind after I finish another, separate fake relationship story.
Crowley spends months drowning his sorrows after Aziraphale accepts the Supreme Archangel position, until a group of demons shows up one day and tells him the Second Coming is nearly upon them, and they want him to stop it. Turns out being a demon isn't much fun if there are no humans left to tempt.
Aziraphale has spent these last months in Heaven looking for ways to stop the Second Coming while mourning the way he and Crowley left things. After discovering that Hell's minions have been tasked by the Metatron to escort the son of God on a tour of Earth in preparation for his Second Coming, he hurries down to see what's going on, fearing the worst.
Instead he discovers Crowley escorting the Messiah around Earth. Is his demon taking the son of God on dates?
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fishfission-dc · 1 year
Text
Batfamily Powerpoint Night! (Part 7: Damian)
<<Part 6: Steph    |    Part 8: Duke >>
[Masterlist]
Damian: I volunteer to present next.
Steph: Damian’s will either be really boring or really interesting...
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Cass (signing): Really interesting, apparently.
Bruce: Damian, is this appropriate?
Jason: This seems like a cop out for me-
Tim: We get it Jason we know you died
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Dick: Ohhhhh so this is actually thinly veiled love for us all.
Bruce: Hn. (disgruntled appreciation)
Damian: Absurd. I am simply planning you all to combat likely scenarios. For tactical reasons.
Steph: He loves us :)
Damian: Tactical reasons.
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Dick: I AM A GOOD DRIVER
Jason: Debatable.
Barbara: Not that debatable when you see the Gotham City Police Department’s record on his license. 
Dick:  D:
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Barbara: I’ll take that to heart Damian thank you for the concern.
Duke: Who taught Damian what girlbossing is?
Steph: Damian flawless use of that vocabulary.
Damian: Thank you.
Duke: Why did I ask when we all knew the answer.
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Jason: WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET MY MUGSHOT
Duke: Did you dye your hair?
Steph: He’s a natural ginger but he’s just emo about it or something
Jason: THIS IS SO FOUL I HATE YOU GREMLIN
[noises of violence]
Dick: You should consider therapy though like actually 
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Tim: MINE IS A WHOLE NOVEL? AND THE PICTURE??? This is not thinly veiled love this is blatant hatred. 
Damian: You simply have a lot of flaws, Drake.
Jason: Your picture makes me feel a little better about mine.
Dick: Damian is the implication that you’re going to murder Tim for.. being annoying?
Damian: Interpret as you wish.
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Steph: Wow. Fair, but wow.
Barbara: Is that a picture of you in a hostage situation?
Damian: The consequences of one of the aforementioned idiotic decisions.
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Cass (signing): I love you too, Damian. :)
Dick: I’m sensing some aggression
Damian: I sure hope so
Bruce: Hn. (embarrassed but knowing)
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Duke: Is this because of th-
Jason: Yes it’s because of the gang
Duke: I guess that’s fair.
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Tim: Valid.
Steph: Immortal until proven mortal.
[unanimous agreement]
Alfred (from the other room): Thank you, young sir.
<<Part 6: Steph    |    Part 8: Duke >>
[Masterlist]
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joonipertree · 2 months
Text
Sano Manjiro, the most frustrating man to have a crush on
You learnt that Mikey punched a guy who asked you out. Mikey refuses to explain why. Both of you are dumbasses.
Tags: fluff, stupid shit, getting together, friends to lovers, fem bodied reader, smut at the end, it's him just eating you out sjsns, slight Dom/sub undertones because I can't help myself
  Mikey was a dumbass. 
In every sense of the word, he was a short fucking dumbass with a deep melodic voice and great hair. The biggest dumbass in the world. You wanted to punch him in the face and kiss him at the same time. Genuinely, you couldn’t stand that man. In no way could you imagine him ever being a good boyfriend. He’d suck at it-----
“Oi, Sano Manjiro.” 
The man in question turned, face dead and eyebrow twitching. 
“What?”
“Did you beat up the guy? 
“I beat up a lot of guys.”
“The guy who asked me out.”
Mikey sat back with his palms on the ground and Toman jacket secured on his back. His hair had gotten long, a bit too long for his liking and he still hadn’t decided how to cut it. You’d already taken the liberty over the last few weeks to tie them in pigtails and braid them to your heart’s content. He’d just walk around like that without batting an eye. 
“Yeah, he went out with one hit. You could do better.”
“Do you know who you are? The fuck. That could have killed him.”
“He isn’t in the hospital or anything.”
You turned around, not being able to take a look at your friend anymore than you needed to. Everyone around you stared with either pity or annoyance. Sanzu, Emma and Ken-chin were utterly done with Mikey’s dumbassery and Chifuyu was done with yours. Baji and Kazutora were done with both of you. They just always choose the stupid people as friends. 
“You weren’t gonna say ‘yes’ were you?”
And you weren’t. The boy had very bravely confessed his feelings for you (unlike some people) and before you could even tell him your answer, he’d told you to think about it at least. You’d appreciated it and left at that, already planning on saying no. 
“Maybe I was, what’s it to you?”
“Oh my god,” Emma muttered out in agony. 
"Maybe you should nurse him back to health then." 
"Yeah I was already planning on it." 
No you were not.
You left with an emphasis on your steps, back straight and eyes hard because you were stubborn. You didn't care if Mikey won at being the most stubborn person in the block, you would beat him at his own game.
"You know he likes you. He has for years. He knows you like him. Just fuck already." Chifuyu moaned out, having gotten over the shoujo vibes very quickly after seeing the slow burn drag out. 
"I dunno what you're talking about." 
You wanted to deny it. Not deny that you were in love with Mikey but deny he was in love with you. Because admitting it meant hoping for something to happen and false hope got you hurt. People got close, they saw you in your humanity and ran away. The only people you trusted not to leave were your friends, Mikey included. 
"Oh come on. I have given you a powerpoint presentation and a whole binder worth of evidence that Mikey likes you. I nearly got wiped out by Draken for taking one too many pictures." 
You snorted. Chifuyu being a romantic buffoon with an overeager imagination made it harder for you to accept it. But you did acknowledge, not with the binder full of pictures and 'receipts', that Mikey had a soft spot for you. 
You got close at 17, Mikey being an extroverted loud mouth and you being a shy but curious introvert. He took you on bike rides, talked to you while making eye contact, held your hand and pulled you next to him and you fed him bites of your food and let him sleep on your lap. 
But you wanted to argue that….Mikey was just friendly like that. 
It had been a few years before you noticed that Mikey rarely made eye contact with people while talking but always asked for your attention. You both were hopeless and were just waiting for the other one to confess. It was getting painful. 
Chifuyu's eyes shifting to the side made you alert because he wasn't good at acting. And when he got up and ran, you knew who came inside. 
"Hi, Captain! Bye, Captain!" 
Mikey sat in front of you, dark bottomless eyes staring into your soul. You looked back at him, still pissed that he punched a perfectly nice guy. He then eyed your sundae and you immediately pulled it closer to you. He needed to learn that actions had consequences and that you weren't weak for him.
  With a pout, Mikey placed his chin on his arms, splayed out on the table. It made you aware how broad he was, fingers nimble and boney and angular.
 Pretty. Always so pretty. 
"How's your boyfriend doing?" 
Your teeth clicked and with a roll of your eyes, you established that Mikey needed to get pushed off a cliff somewhere. 
"So you aren't gonna tell me?" 
"Tell you what?" Mikey drawled out, looking up at you through his eyelashes. 
"Why you punched an innocent dude."
"He pissed me off." 
"Why?" 
"Did you say yes?" 
"Answer me first." 
"I did." 
You glared, taking a petty bite of your ice cream in retaliation. Mikey glared back harder, only changing when he looked out the corner of his eyes. You were about to turn your head before he spoke up again. 
"It was an accident." 
Your snort was loud and unattractive, hiding your face to try and compose yourself. When you looked up,Mikey's face had softened. 
"I don't believe you." 
"It's the truth. Answer my question." 
You debated your options. Because maybe saying that 'yeah I want to date him' would be going too far considering it would be a lie. But admitting that you didn't meant even more probing questions. Like why you were annoyed at Mikey for punching someone you didn't wanna date.
"Why do you care?" You retaliated like a dumbass.
"You're pissing me off." 
"Good." 
There was another pause. Mikey's hand moving to steal your bowl. You swerve it away from him with no chance of winning with his reflexes and the limited space. So your hand went to grab his wrist. 
Your heart raced at immediate contact. You became all too aware of him. Aware of his delicate wrist, the muscle, the bone that jutted out, the blue veins against pale skin. You became aware of his reddened and bruised knuckles, his calluses and ripped cuticles. They were hands of a delinquent, that liked to grip things too tight and didn't mind rough surfaces and reveled in strenuous activity. They were big too, too big against your own hand and too rough for your soft skin. 
And they were warm, soaking into you to leave a lasting impression. 
Mikey let go of the bowl in favor of holding your arm, gentle and all encompassing. His thumb rubbed against your skin, causing goosebumps to form and a shiver to run down your spine. 
"I was fighting with Takemitchy. The dude got caught in the crossfire. My hand landed on his face by accident. I can show you Mitchy as proof. He still looks run down. Even I took a few hits." 
You saw. Saw the scratches on his face and the redness of his jaw. It made you want to chide him for not bandaging himself. But he always liked it when you did it. Your eyes couldn't meet his, staring at your fingers wrapped around his wrist and his thumb rubbing your skin. 
"You need to stop fighting in public settings." 
"It wasn't that bad. A tire or two got thrown around but that's about it." 
"Where did you--- not gonna ask." 
Mikey giggled, soft and gravelly. You were reminded that the years changed his voice in a way that was still his. There was a pause and you realised the question eating away at you wouldn't go away until you asked it. The secret you kept wouldn't help being hidden away. You were tired and just wanted him. 
"You know……I talked to the guy today. Went to meet him." 
Mikey's eyes instantly hardened, looking away with a click of his tongue. 
"Ah, did he tell you I knocked his brains out? You shouldn't date a liar." 
"No," you tried to keep your voice casual, "he told me that it hurt but you weren't even looking at him when it happened. He just got too close." 
"Then why did you ask---" 
"He apologised though, said he didn't know I had a boyfriend." 
Mikey’s lips tugged upwards, turning his head to the side so he could catch his composure. And you were ready to slap the shit out of him. 
“Huh, I don’t know what gave him that impression. We must look good together.”
“I feel like you saying ‘that’s for asking my girl out’ after you hit him might’ve done the trick.”
Mikey held his hands up in surrender, knees knocking against yours almost to tease. 
"I didn't hit him, I just repurposed the accident. Didn't want it to go to waste." 
"Manjiro." 
"What?"
"I'm not yours." 
"Since when?" 
"Since always!!" 
His eyebrows furrowed, leaning back with a huge frown like you'd just told him his house burnt down. 
"What the fuck?"
"You can't just make me yours without asking me first, asshat." 
"Everyone knows you're mine."
"I dont." 
Mikey took your hand, lips on the back of it as if it was a normal part of his day. But your breath hitched and you froze. Because oh---
"I found you first." 
Your palms slammed against the table.
"If you wanna kiss me so bad then do it on my mouth, you coward---"
And within the next second, Manjiro’s mouth crashed into yours. It nearly knocked you back, if it wasn’t for his hand at the back of your head, curling into your hair. You whimpered against him, his lips tugging into a satisfied smirk. 
Chifuyu had yelled out, “Fucking finally!!”
The sound of your lips parting away from each other was enough to make you want to lean back in. Your lips weren’t willing to move even an inch away from him. He tasted good. Like vanilla. And he had trouble keeping himself away from you as well, leaving chaste kisses on the corners of your mouth, fingers keeping your chin lifted up. 
A throat was cleared, your cheeks instantly burned with the realisation of where you were. Mikey glared at the waiter who just let him know that it was time to leave. And with fingers interlocked, Mikey pulled you away from the diner, sticking out his tongue to Ken-chin who sighed in relief and leaned against Emma.
You got on his bike without question, heart racing because oh god--
The door to his room slammed open and he barely paid attention to anything with his arm around you. You giggled as he lifted you up and swirled you inside with a flourish. Once the door was shut, his laughter was loud and warm as his lips crashed into you, hungry for more. And you let him lead you, combing your hand through his hair causing him to shiver. 
Mikey hugged you close, gentle in his touch and you let him swallow you whole and envelop you. When his tongue prodded against your lip, you parted them easily as if he didn’t even have to ask. And oh, he felt good.
 But Mikey will spend the rest of your lives telling you that you were the best feeling in the world. 
“Mine.” Manjiro murmured out, sucking on your lower lip so harshly that your whole body did a visceral shudder. 
You were breathing hard when you parted, eyes hazy but daring as you looked your best friend in the eye. 
“You still haven’t asked me, asshat.”
Manjiro growled, eyes narrowed and twitching. Your head and body threw itself back as you burst out laughing, feeling free because you knew Mikey’s arm would never let you fall. That led your neck to be exposed to the littering kisses Manjiro gave out of vengeance.
 You squealed as it tickled and felt your knees give out against the bed beneath you. He’d backed you up, without you noticing, like a predator cornering its prey for a meal well earned. 
You felt yourself sink into the soft mattress, hand reached out to tug his shirt down towards you. Manjiro just stared at you, eyes gleaming with an emotion you didn’t understand and a grin so wide you could see all his teeth. 
“Mine, in every timeline.” Mikey whispered. 
And your breath hitched, speaking out without a second thought. 
“Yours, in every universe.” 
Manjiro’s eyes watered and he finally enveloped you, body a welcomed weight as he kissed you in slow languid bliss. 
“Good baby,” he whispered and you whined out. 
You pawed at him, liking the praise a little too much. Manjiro’s kisses left a wet hot trail as he went from your chin to your cheek. A wet sound heard every time his lips disconnected from you. You let him have his way, feeling his hand pat the side of your head. 
You wanted to kiss him back but every time you tried, he clicked his tongue in disapproval and you just laid there as he poured his love into you. You had begun to tear up because Manjiro's love was overwhelming and it was for you.
Your eyes closed as his lips met your eyelids, tasting the salty tears and pulling back to inspect your face. You mewled at the lost contact, opening your eyes and pouting.
Oh, how dare he 
He hushed you, hand patting your head again, lips continuing their venture on your face. 
 Your legs wrapped themselves around his waist. And both of you became aware of the effect the intimacy had on you.
 Manjiro pressed into you, hips solid and confident. And you felt his bulge against your pussy, only his pants and your underwear in the way. it was enough to drive you insane. 
You yearned and yearned and begged with pretty fluttery eyes that had him breathless. 
“Yeah? You wan’ me, honey?”
And despite the embarrassment, you nodded with the biggest pout you could muster. And Manjiro melted just at that, ready to burn the world for you if you asked him to. In another timeline, he probably had. 
“Haven’t even been dating for a minute and you're already so needy.”
He didn’t even let you blubber out a complaint before your underwear was exposed to him. And you craved him so badly that your legs made space for only Manjiro. He appreciated it, boney fingers squeezing your hips before imprinting the memory of the wet patch into his mind. 
Oh you were so sweet. A type of pliable that was only given to those you trusted. 
“Not allowed to hide anything, okay?”
And with that, his nose traced the outline of your pussy, tongue peaking out for a taste that just wasn’t enough for you. Your thighs squished against his cheeks and he groaned, pressing his full mouth onto you. Your hips jutted upwards, a cry weak and wobbly escaping your lips. And with effort, you spoke.
“Stop teasing, jerk.”
The warmth was too much, you could feel him right there but the cotton was in the way. Despite your protest, he lapped you up out of greed. And your hands clutched onto his hair. 
“If there’s nothing between us, I won’t be sane.” You heard him say and it just made you needier. 
“Don’ want you to be. Please.”
And with that, his hand ripped your panties out of the way. Manjiro took a second to stare in awe at your pretty pussy. It was so wet, begging him to eat it out, practically drooling. Many thoughts went through his head.
How it would feel to be inside you, how warm it would be, if he could last long in the tightness? If he'd ever be able to survive without the taste of your pussy after this moment? If he gave your cunt a smack, would you like it?
Manjiro decided that keeping you waiting was the worst thing he could possibly do. 
Mikey was a lot more hungry than he thought he was. Your pussy was engulfed in his mouth.
 The direct contact was enough to make him moan. Your own got stuck in your throat, not realising how overwhelming it would be. When his tongue prodded inside, you let him guide your legs against your chest so that he could have more access. And then it plunged inside and you let out a warbled moan that felt too loud in your own ears. With a hand covering your mouth, you tried to suppress the little sounds tumbling out of you.
Manjiro’s middle finger tapped against the plush of your thigh and he pulled away with effort to say:
“No hiding. Be good.”
You cried out, flexing your fingers in his hair as he went back to the task at hand. And you let yourself voice out the feeling, soft “ah, ah, ah”s filling the air and causing you to tear up in embarrassment. 
“Wan’ to be-be good for you.”
“Mhmmm,” He answered with the vibration of his hum shooting through your pussy and into your back that arched almost painfully. 
The orgasm came out of nowhere, crashing into you the second Manjiro’s mouth wrapped around your clit and sucked. 
You didn’t even care how loud you were being, brain wiping out everything it had as your body arched and twitched. Manjiro only stopped lapping your cum when you flinched away, kissing your inner thigh before moving to you for a kiss. 
You let him inside your mouth easily, whimpering and pawing at his shoulder as you held him close. You shook in his embrace, muttering out weak and tiny ‘thank you’s that had him chuckling at you. 
“Did your Manjiro make you feel good, bubba?” 
“Uh-huh.” You nodded, kissing the corner of his lips in appreciation. 
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