#me on almost every single song like “holy fuck is that what heaven feels like”

[random-human-being2311]

All Things Must Pass (1970) save me

All Things Must Pass (1970)

save me All Things Must Pass (1970)

#omfg why is every single fucking song such fire #currently relistening to Behind That Locked Door and holy fuck is that what heaven feels like #me on almost every single song like “holy fuck is that what heaven feels like” #I feel as though that's probably the intended response to this album given how spiritual it is and everything #george harrison #all things must pass #the beatles #I know it's not a beatles album but you know what I mean #first listened to this album less than a week ago #and now Isn't It A Pity is engraved into my brain #and so is My Sweet Lord #and so is What Is Life

[fullstcp]

"Snow Angel" by Reneé Rapp Sentence Starters

TALK TOO MUCH

"It didn't feel like a dream."

"Don't think I could love you more."

"So what the hell does it all mean?"

"I'm taking everything I see as a sign."

"I know it's crazy but what if it's right?"

"I'm here again, talking myself out of my own happiness."

"I wonder if we should just sit here in silence."

"I think I talk too much."

"That's just the deal that I made."

"Having said all that, do you still wanna be with me?"

"I wanna be with you, like maybe even forever."

"Holy shit, okay, maybe not forever."

"I mean like I'm, I'm not saying not, forever."

"I actually have no idea what I'm saying."

"Are you mad at me?"

"But like, if, if you are then I'm gonna resent you."

"Do I actually hate you?"

"Like, do you still love me?"

I HATE BOSTON

"You got to be a big hometown hero."

"Why'd we have to cover so much ground?"

"As far as I'm concerned, they should just burn the whole city down."

"God forbid, you're not the center of attention."

"You must be exhausted."

"Don't you miss me?"

"Casual's the way you chose to leave."

"You're written all over every single street."

POISON POSION

"You get on my nerves."

"You're so fucking annoying, you could poison poison."

"You're the worst person on earth."

"Forgiving you is pointless."

"It didn't have to be like this."

"You almost got away with it."

"But unlucky for you, I am that bitch."

"I hate you and your guts."

GEMINI MOON

"Never know who you're gonna get."

"We're in love or we never met."

"Every day I'm different."

"I talk shit then I bite my tongue."

"I exist on a pendulum."

"You're so fucking perfect."

"How come I'm not feeling more?"

"Yesterday was heaven, now I'm bored."

"I bet you're sick of it."

"I should just be better to you."

SNOW ANGEL

"What's misery without company?"

"It's hard to laugh when it's hard to breathe."

"I'll make it through the winter if it kills me."

"Smiles hide what secrets keep."

"Can't tell a lie if you never speak."

"I tried so hard, I came so far."

"I met a boy/girl, he/she/they broke my heart."

"I blame him/her/them cause it's easier."

"But I still look for him/her/them in her/him/them."

"I loved back then what I hate today."

"I wish I went a different way."

"But if I went back, I would do the same."

SO WHAT NOW

"I found out from a friend of a friend that you're here again."

"What gives you the nerve to come back to the city that I live in?"

"So what now?"

"Should we talk?"

"Do you tell your friends that things ended well?"

"Both of us like to pretend."

"If I miss your call I'm gonna cry."

THE WEDDING SONG

"It was timeless like you and me."

"You are my one, you set my world on fire."

"I know there's Heaven, but we must be higher."

"I'm gonna love you 'til my heart retires."

"Forever we'll last."

"Why'd you have to mess it all up?"

"Why'd you have to burn it all down?"

PRETTY GIRLS

"You say that I'm your favorite."

"You think that I'd be flattered."

"It's pathetic cause you're right."

"This conversation's classic."

"I can predict this shit, line by line."

"I like a straight jacket, but it feels like it's a little tight."

"Yeah, your boyfriend's/girlfriend's cute."

"Oh, shit, yeah, he/she/they can come too."

"You'll be his/hers/theirs in the morning anyway."

TUMMY HURTS

"I can't believe I let you hit it."

"In hindsight, that might be the worst part."

"Oh, I taught you everything you know."

I WISH

"Some goodbyes are forever."

"So what's that mean for you and I?"

"I thought we'd always be together."

"I know too much now."

"I'm not ready for you to go."

"It hasn't even happened."

"I've been mourning since I was ten years old."

"Stay a little longer."

WILLOW

"Looks like you're still getting used to being fully grown."

"I know it's hard to slow down."

"There's still more to go."

"Maybe it's just how you're treated."

"Only so much you can explain over the phone."

"So I'm coming to you."

"Don't cry."

23

"It's my Jordan year."

"I thought this shit would look good on me."

"But I just feel weird."

"I still can't fly."

"Thought I'd be ahead, but I'm down by five."

"Everything looks good on paper."

"I still haven't learned how to calm down."

"It feels like everyone hates me."

"How old do you have to be to live so young and careless."

"My wish is that I cared less."

"So don't pretend now that we're cool."

"I hope I'll understand me more."

"But I'm afraid to care less."

MESSY

"You think I'm so laid back."

"And you love that I move fast."

"You don't notice one red flag."

"On the surface I'm too perfect."

"I know you just met me."

"Right now you've got nothing against me."

"I know how to make myself crazy."

"Loving me gets messy."

"Half of all my exes regret me."

I DO

"I leave a key in my mailbox just for you."

"It's the only time that I'm ever sleeping next to you."

"I thank my lucky stars, but, it's tearing me apart."

"You don't see us like I do."

"You don't see us from my view."

"When we're saying, 'I love you', I mean it different than you do."

"That's the closest to God that I will ever be."

"We don't need to talk, our eyes can speak."

"I only need one sign to match your energy."

"Everyone knows it's us against the world."

"I'll love you 'til there's no blood left in my heart."

SWIM

"I'm up in the middle of the night again."

"Same beginning, middle, but still no end."

"Back at the beginning with you."

"I'm gonna toss and turn."

"How could waterboarding feel so good at first?"

"Dreams of us, they turn into nightmares."

"If it's love then why do I feel scared?"

"I never stood a chance."

"The original ending of a true romance."

"Guess I'm destined for the role of Juliet."

"Rather be dead than confused."

"How can we get out of this with no bloodshed?"

TUMMY HURTS (remix feat Coco Jones)

"Sin is a cycle."

"Lied to my face, it's your hobby."

"Boy, you're fine as hell for a psycho."

#rp memes #rp starters #rp prompts #rp lyric meme #lyric starters #lyric prompts #sentence starters #not the old me. 2.0 me. no it's all of meme combined (ask meme) #when there was me and queue (queue)

[bi-bard]

Chick Flick Moments - Sam Winchester Imagine (Supernatural)

Title: Chick Flick Moments

Pairing: Sam Winchester X Reader

Requested: by an anonymous reader

Word Count: 2,363 words

Warning(s): violence, cussing, Sam embarrassing himself, spoilers for any movie/show listed in the author's note

Summary: (Season 11) Gabriel takes a break from hiding to teach (Y/n) and Sam to forgive each other.

Author's Note: I had so much fun putting this request together! Also, if I remember correctly, this reader wanted to remain anonymous.

Here are links to all the scenes that inspired parts of this imagine:

1 (Princess Bride), 2 (8x12 Criminal Minds; can't find just the scene to link), 3 (Moulin Rouge), 4 (The Notebook), 5 (The 10 Things I Hate About You), 6 (Gilmore Girls), 7 (La La Land)

Hey! I did a rewrite of the ending of Supernatural. It took a really long time to complete, so it would mean a lot to me if you check it out. Here’s a link! (it’s on my personal account)

-----------------------------------

I rolled my eyes as I walked through the bunker.

Sam was still ranting about the most recent hunt. I was just tired of listening to it. Dean had long since given up trying to control his brother, who had shown no sign of listening to anyone.

"You can't just throw yourself into every single enemy," Sam yelled. "Fun fact, you're not Superman!"

"Oh my god," I finally, turning around. I had been halfway through the library at this point. Dean continued through the bunker, ignoring us. "I ran up to one extra vamp because you were about to get your throat ripped out! Yes, I put myself in danger but it was to save you!"

"Why are you so desperate to be a hero," he asked.

"Why are you so pissy that I saved you," I shouted back.

I let out a yell before turning and leaving.

"Where are you going?"

"To bed," I shouted from down the hall. "Maybe you'll be nicer in the morning! You're welcome for saving your ass!"

I stormed into my room and slammed the door shut. I changed quickly, throwing my old clothes into the corner before curling up on my bed. My emotions got the better of me. I started crying into my pillow.

Imagine saving the man you secretly loved... and then he got mad at you about it.

I fell asleep crying that night.

--time skip--

I shot awake, cringing at how bright it was.

I looked around, letting my eyes adjust to the light.

I was on a hill. I was on a hill, lying in the grass with the sun shining on my face. This is not good.

I stood up and did a circle to look around the long stretches of grass. Nothing looked even slightly familiar.

"For fuck's sake," I muttered.

I decided that the best option would be to try to climb down and find a person... somewhere.

I was just about to start making my way down the hill when I felt a hand grab me.

Out of pure fear, I grabbed the person and pulled them from behind me. The person went flying down the hill.

"(Y/n)," I heard Sam's voice yell as he rolled down the hill.

I put my hand over my mouth. He soon stopped rolling and then he stood up, scrambling to pull the black mask off of his face. I sighed, dropping my hand when I saw he was alright.

"Sam," I called.

"Your instinct is to throw some down a hill," Sam asked.

"When a masked man tries to grab me, definitely," I replied. "Fun fact, Sam, I can actually defend myself."

He gave me a sarcastic smile. I shot it right back to him.

Sam looked down at his outfit before sighing and shrugging at me. He had just started to move back up the hill when my visions went dark.

I opened my eyes a few moments later.

What had been an open field was now a dark warehouse or factory. I saw Sam across from me, but also a group of people behind him. I recognized them. They were characters from Criminal Minds, a guilty pleasure I watched when we weren't hunting.

I tried to figure out what was happening.

Then, I became all too aware of the barrel of a gun pressing into my neck.

"No," Sam yelled.

It clicked.

Sam was supposed to be Spencer. I was Maeve. This was Zugzwang.

My heart dropped.

"Wait, please, don't," Sam yelled as the gun pressed harder on my neck.

"Sam, shut up," I snapped.

"Me for (Y/n)," he shouted.

"You would do that," Diane- the unsub of that episode- asked.

"Yes," Sam replied.

"No," I yelled. "Sam, shut up."

"You shut up," Diane growled at me.

"One difference between me and her...," I growled back.

I grabbed the gun, pushing it forward, away from my neck. The bullet she tried to fire hit the brick wall. I turned, bringing an elbow down on her arm. Her hand dropped the gun into my grasp. I pointed it toward her.

"...I'm not scared of a simple gun."

The others walked over and arrested her. I looked at Sam.

"If you continued, she would've killed herself, which would've killed me," I explained. He furrowed his eyebrows. "I watch this show when we aren't hunting."

He walks over, going to hug me before the scene changes again.

"Holy...," I trailed off as I looked around.

Around us, we could see the tops of roofs and a beautiful night sky. It was almost a dreamy setting.

"Where are we now," Sam asked.

"Only the great Moulin Rouge," Sam and I both twirled around to face... Gabriel. "I know, I know... I'm not dead, anyway!"

I rolled my eyes.

"You two need to learn a lesson," he pointed at us.

"It's like back in 2010," I mumbled. "Play our roles to get out. Probably why we were pulled out of the last two."

"You'll fall into them naturally, I promise," Gabriel smirked. "And yes. Stop ignoring the plotline."

"Alright... sure, I was gonna get shot for your crappy game," I snapped sarcastically.

Then, he was gone. I rolled my eyes.

"So, what are the roles," Sam asked as I walked around the top of the elephant.

"Well, Christian and Satine," I pointed between us. "Maeve and Spencer. The Princess Bride and Westley. It's all romance."

"Why," Sam scrunched his face up.

"Because Gabe wants to get his rocks off," I said sarcastically, "I don't know, Sam!"

I walked down the stairs of the elephant. It was gorgeous here. It was just as vibrant as the movie made it look.

"Wow," I look back at Sam. "This is awesome."

I chuckled and nodded.

"What seen is it?"

"The Elephant Love Medley," I said. "Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman sing this mash-up of famous love songs as his character tries to convince her that there is nothing more important than love."

"I'm not gonna sing," Sam shook his head.

"I was not gonna ask you too," I chuckled. "I've heard you sing."

"Rude."

I just shrugged.

I looked around at the room, trying to figure out how to play these roles without the singing.

"Wait," I said. "Come on."

I grabbed his hand and pulled him back to the stairs.

"What is it," Sam asked as we made it to the top.

"At the end of the medley, Christian and Satine are dancing and they walk out onto this field of clouds and are held up in the sky."

"What-"

"This whole movie feels like a fever dream the first time you watch it."

"Come on," Sam held a hand out to me.

"Can you dance?"

"Not well," he chuckled. "The role didn't say I needed to be good."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him.

I tried to lead his steps and laughed as he stumbled into a pattern.

"Come on," I moved back so I could grab only one hand.

I led him a few steps forward and onto- what seemed to be- steps in the clouds. I let out an excited laugh when it worked. Sam looked at me and grinned at my excitement.

As soon as got to the top of the steps... it was gone.

We were in the middle of the street now.

"Aw, that was just mean," I mumbled. I glared at Sam when I heard him laughed.

He held his hands up jokingly before extending one toward me. I furrowed my eyebrows at him.

"I know what movie this is," he shrugged. I motioned for him to continue explaining. He walked over, hand still held out to me, "The Notebook. Noah and Allie dance in the street. So... will you dance with me? Even without the sequence where we dance in the clouds."

I bit my lip as I smiled.

I took his hand and let him pull me into the street. I laughed as I stumbled into his chest.

We fell into the scene naturally.

Sam held one of my hands in his and held my waist with the other. I placed my free hand on his shoulder. I looked up at him. It felt strange that we so casually fell into the scene but I was happy.

Sam jokingly twirled me around before pulling me back to his chest. I closed my eyes and chuckled.

"What," he asked.

"Nothing," I shook my head. "I just never saw you as such a romantic."

"Well, don't tell anyone, you'll ruin my reputation," he said sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes.

Sam spun the two of us in a circle before going to dip me. I didn't think I'd ever get to experience something like this. It always just felt like something I should forget about as a hunter. I was starting to forget why I was so angry with Sam in the first place.

I barely noticed that Sam was leaning in before the scene around me changed.

I was on a football field.

I looked around.

There was no sign of Sam.

"Crap," I mumbled, trying to figure out where to look first.

Then, there was a voice going over the field's speakers.

"You're just too good to be true... can't take my eyes off of you..."

I looked around toward the stands to see Sam walking with a mic. Can't sing, my ass.

"You'd be like heaven to touch... I wanna hold you so much"

"Oh my god," I muttered.

"At long last love has arrived... And I thank God I'm alive... You're just too good to be true... Can't take my eyes off of you."

I tried to bite back my laugh. He shrugged at me with an embarrassed smile and stepped into the actual stands.

We both jumped when the marching band started playing. I looked to see Gabriel smirking and leading their march.

Sam and I shrugged at each other. He continued on with the act.

Now, Sam Winchester pretending to be Patrick in "10 Things I Hate About You" was a treat... and was exactly what you imagined it would be.

He was almost stumbling down the steps as he continued on with the act. I was laughing hysterically by the time I saw the security guards starting to run in.

"Sam," I yelled, pointing behind him.

"Crap," I heard through the mic (which made me almost double-over in laughter) as he tried to take off running.

As soon as he was grabbed, the scene changed.

We both took a deep breath when we realized we were sitting together in a car.

"Thank god," Sam mumbled.

"That was a great performance, by the way," I said, still chuckling.

"Shut up," he muttered, laughing along with me. We fell silent after a minute. "So... what scene is this?"

"I have no idea," I replied.

"It's Gilmore Girls, dumbasses," we heard Gabriel's voice but saw no sign of him. "Season 1, Episode 16... absolute idiots."

"Didn't peg him for a Gilmore Girls fan," I said. Sam laughed.

"Me neither."

We fell silent again.

"I'm sorry," Sam said, looking over at me. "You were right. You can defend yourself and you were just trying to help me. I'm sorry for being such a dick about it."

I grinned, "Thanks... I forgive you. I know you were just worried about me."

Sam smiled back.

"I... umm...," Sam looked down for a moment, clearing his throat and collecting his thoughts. "I just... I love you."

My heart leaped up into my throat. I blinked at him a few times and forced a chuckle out. Which was the wrong response but I panicked. Hunters... we could face the devil but emotions were a no-no.

"(Y/n)," Sam's smile dropped slowly when he realized I wasn't responding.

I was just about to respond when the scene changed again.

Sam was gone again and I was on a city street.

"Dammit," I muttered.

I ran down the street, turning the corner. I looked at the wall of the building I was by. Was this a jazz club?

I walked through the door and was guided to a table so I could sit down and watch the performance.

"La La Land," I said.

Sam and I watched this together. Dean had gone to bed. We weren't tired and just turned this movie on because it looked like it was mostly happy.

Big dance numbers, beautiful effects... and the epilogue that made me hide tears from Sam.

I looked at the stage. Sam was sitting there, wearing a suit, looking at the audience nervously. He hesitantly reached toward the piano. It was like it was a prerecorded track. It sounded just like the movie.

I smiled.

I just wanted to talk to him.

Soon the performance ended.

I stood up and started walking over, seeing Sam starting to walk out.

I grinned at him, "Sam-"

He cut me off by cupping the sides of my face and kissing me softly. I touched his sides lightly, smiling against his lips. It was... magic. Absolute magic.

Then, I shot awake, back in my bed in the bunker.

The game was over. Thank God.

"(Y/n)," I heard yell through the bunker hall.

I ran into the hall and ran toward his room.

We stopped as soon as we saw each other.

"Please tell me that wasn't a dream," I said. He shook his head, smiling widely at me.

I ran over, pulling him down to kiss him again. It was softer than our last kiss and I loved it. His arms wrapped around me and pulled me closer. I buried my hands through his hair.

"Woah, what did I miss," we pulled away when we heard Dean.

I could basically feel Sam chuckle against my lips before he moved to look at his brother. I turned around in Sam's arm.

"A chick flick moment," Sam answered.

"Alright," Dean gave us a weird look before leaving without another word.

I looked back at Sam with a smile, "I love you."

"I love you too," he grinned and leaned in to kiss me softly again.

-----------------------------------

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#sam winchester x reader #sam winchester imagine #sam winchester fanfiction #supernatural x reader #supernatural imagine #supernatural fanfiction #imagine #fanfiction #x reader

[plume-pigmented-pili]

Hey hey! here’s a little something I wrote for Eli a few months ago. They convinced me i should post it, so here i am lol

———

Tw: Descriptions of a Cold, sickness (non graphic), feelings unwanted, coughing, headaches, misunderstandings, hurt/comfort. Let me know if I need to add more!

Words: 5.2k

Pairing: Prinxiety (Written as Romantic but could be read as platonic i guess)

“Virgil is miserable. Its the middle of the night, and Virgil is stuck in bed, unable to sleep, with a horrible cold. The actual cold isn’t why he’s miserable, though.

Is it selfish to want to be cared for?”

—

Through Sickness and Health

Virgil could hear the clock on the opposite wall ticking just a tad too fast, and didn’t need to even look over at it to know it was way too late to be awake. Sure, he didn’t have the best sleep schedule, but at least he was usually enjoying himself when he stayed up, and it was rarely this late. It wasn’t even his fault this time.

But here Virgil was, laying in bed curled under all the blankets he owned, wishing he was dead. On paper, that sounds a lot worse than it really was, but who could blame him? The sweet release of death sounded like heaven compared to suffering here any longer. His throat was sandpaper dry, nose clogged with snot, and what felt like a small bomb went off in his skull with every movement.

That, though, wasn’t the main reason he was suffering.

He’d been sick before, he knew it would be over soon, but no physical pain could compare to the hurt he felt, knowing that the others knew of his illness, and didn’t give a single damn.

There was no way they didn’t know what was happening - even if he’d tried to hide it, which he hadn’t, it’s not like acting was ever his specialty - but not a single one of them had batted an eye since he came down with this stress induced cold.

Well, that wasn’t completely true. Patton had asked if he was feeling alright on day two, when Virgil had shuffled downstairs around three in the afternoon to grab a snack, hoodie flipped up as he dug around, his hands clearly shaky from fever yet he’d been too tired to try and hide it. He’d told Patton, in the least shaky voice he could muster, that he just wasn’t feeling very well.

In hindsight, it had probably been incredibly selfish of him to expect Patton to come to his aid and comfort him, maybe offer to tuck him in on the couch and make him something healthy to eat. He’d seen Patton do just that plus more when Logan or Roman were feeling under the weather after all. But despite knowing it was selfish, he couldn’t help the disappointment and sinking feeling he’d felt when Patton had simply responded with a gentle, almost pitying, “I’m sorry kiddo, thank you for telling me.” before walking away rather hurriedly, leaving it there.

The conversation rolled around in his head, as it had been for the past 5 days. Nobody had come to check on him, not even the resident fatherly side to see if he was feeling any better. He’d been downstairs one other time since that little exchange with Patton, but when he’d walked in on Roman and Logan talking casually in the living room, they’d both given him short, obviously forced smiles, and sunk out. That’d been on day three, and Virgil hadn’t gone back down there since. He wasn’t that hungry anyway.

Maybe they didn’t want to get sick? Or maybe they thought he was gross, and didn’t want to be near him. Did they think he would be rude to them?

All this thinking was making Virgil’s head hurt more. And it really didn’t matter the reason. They didn’t care, they clearly wanted to avoid him.

It hurt, worse than his actual sickness, having to stay away from everyone for days on end. It reminded him of the old days before he was accepted, when he wasn’t welcome anywhere else but the confinement of his room. He missed Patton’s warm greeting each time he walked into a room, or the rants Logan would get lost in that were strangely so calming. Most notably, though, he missed Roman.

He missed their stupid banter that always left him feeling more confident, and the never ending singing that Virgil pretended not to adore. Hell, he missed just talking to the creative side. He’d give anything just to have a conversation with him, just to lift his spirits a little. He longed for one of the warm, solid hugs that only Roman could give.

He would probably even give up his Disney posters, his entire MCR song library, or get banned from every Hot Topic in the country, just to be held and cuddled right at this moment. To be held in warm, secure arms, wrapped in the scent of cinnamon and roses, and drift to sleep knowing he wouldn’t be alone in the morning.

That last one had about a zero percent chance of happening, even if he wasn’t sick and contagious, but Virgil’s sleep deprived, fever ridden brain had decided to be sentimental, and Virgil couldn’t even stop it. At least he wasn’t gone enough to consider asking for any of that comfort he craved. it’d be easier for everyone to just wait in his room until he was better. Then maybe things would be normal again.

And that was his plan, until someone knocked on his door.

The anxious side’s gaze shot over to the clock, grimacing when the quick movement made his eyeballs throb. Who the Hell was knocking on his door at nearly 3:45 in the morning?

“Who-“ Virgil cringed at how his gravely voice broke, cleared his throat, then tried again. “Who is it?”

“I knew you were awake!” Romans voice, surprisingly enough, came from the other side of the door. He was clearly trying to stay quiet, but for some reason, he sounded really… relieved, and chipper. A second later, the Prince added a bit more bashfully, “Uh, unless i just woke you up by knocking, and if that’s the case I sincerely apologize, I didn’t mea-“

“No, I w’s already awake…” Virgil interrupted with a slight slur, groggy brain trying to keep up with what was happening. Being the embodiment of Anxiety, though, meant he didn’t get to stop being anxious just because he was sick. Why was he here? Was he angry? Virgil couldn’t recall doing anything that could offend anyone since he’d been self-quarantined, but then again, he couldn’t really remember his last name at the moment either. He mumbled to himself as he untangled his legs from the covers, cursing the universe under his breath because his head felt two times it’s normal size. Then he took a deep breath and sat up. He didn’t want to make Roman uncomfortable or grossed out seeing him all sick in bed, cause holy shit would that be embarrassing. He still didn’t look great, but it was a small step. “Come in Pr’ncey.”

The door swung open, revealing a timid, bed headed Roman, who seemed to relax a little when noticing Virgil sitting up in bed. “Hey there.. sorry to barge in, I hope i’m not bothering you.” he said, voice still lowered and really quite gentle as he shut the door behind him.

Virgil went to shake his head, but stopped himself before he could cause himself fucking brain damage and just shrugged instead. “ y’re not both’ring me. ‘sup?” yikes, all this sitting up and trying to look presentable business was making him realize how exhausted he was. His eyelids felt heavy already.

Roman took a few steps forward, keeping his eyes steadily on Virgil like he was waiting for him to keel over and die, or cough on him. It seemed pretty damn dramatic, even for Roman. “I… just wanted to check on you. I’ve uh, been a little worried about you, and i couldn’t sleep.” The Prince said, hesitant as he lowered himself on the foot of the bed.

Virgil blinked a few times, curling his legs up so his knees were to his chest to make sure Roman wouldn’t touch his feet under the 5 layers of blankets he had over him. Or maybe it was the sudden, treacherous hope that was rising in him, a hope he was trying to stifle. Roman was… worried about him? Roman of all sides? I mean, he wasn’t surprised that he cared, he and Roman were friends now after all. Virgil was just surprised he cared about this. He thought they were all in agreement to avoid him or something.

Virgil was about to open his mouth and say… something - he didn’t really know what he was going to say. It felt like his train of thought was chugging along through molasses - but he was interrupted before he could get any words out.

“Dude… no offense, but you look like actual death. And why in the name of Hades are you buried under so many blankets?” The Prince asked with what sounded like genuine confusion, at least for the second part.

Virgil huffed and pulled the blankets tighter around him, the movement causing him to shiver. He couldn’t decide what to focus on; The cold air on his back, the rising sensation of relief knowing Roman cared, or how weird that question had been. Quite honestly, Virgil wasn’t offended because he knew he looked like shit. he was just a little confused. He thought Roman would have known he’d look like shit. “What do you mean why do I have so many blankets. I literally feel like ’m freezing to death. ’s part of the package, shouldn’t you know this?” He practically deadpanned, not even for the snarkiness like usual. His speech was just dull.

But that only left Roman looking more confused, and probably a good deal more concerned if his expression was anything to go by. “I-... I didn’t know that, no.. I’m sorry. Do you want another blanket or something…?” he asked carefully, still awfully and almost painfully cautious.

And Virgil… was at a loss for how this could possibly be new information to Roman. it was pretty common knowledge even if you’ve never had a fever before. But instead of dwelling, Virgil once again stopped himself from shaking his head, sighing instead. “No, it won’ help.” he said shortly. The effort would be futile, but it was endearing that Roman at least asked. “Thanks though. That’s.. really nice of you t’ offer.” The anxious side offered a bit more quietly.

There was an awkward silence that followed, Roman shuffling his feet against the carpet slightly as he looked around the room. Virgil saw the other’s eyes catch on the pile of used tissues in the floor, another bout of confusion flashing in his bright green eyes, but he didn’t mention it this time. Maybe it was a lack of sleep making the Prince act so clueless at the moment. “I… I guess i’ve just.. i don’t know, everything is more boring without you around. Nobody to insult without actually offending them.” Roman spoke again after a moment, sending a half smile in Virgil’s direction.

A little smirk matched with a snort is what the Prince was rewarded with, Virgil's spirits lifted regardless of his misery. It felt nice knowing he was missed, and it made his chest warm knowing it was coming from Roman. For some reason, knowing he could make things more bearable for his counterpart was.. rewarding, in a way. And Roman looked proud of himself, before he continued a bit more solemnly. “You’ve been cooped up in here for so long, like what, 5 says now?”

That got Virgil to sigh, and maybe there was some defensiveness laying beneath the surface, made worse thanks to being miserable, but all he managed was a mildly annoyed side eye to Roman as he responded in a mumble, still doing his best not to run Roman off. “‘t’s not my fault.”

Roman was quick to shake his head, slight guilt in his expression. “I know! I-I’m not trying to make you feel bad, i guess i just- i don’t know, i’m just talking out loud… sorry.” Roman’s voice had quieted, eyes trained on the floor somewhat shamefully as he seemed to search for his words. “I just.. I just wish…” but once again, he trailed off, shaking his head and seeming to give up. “I’m sorry.”

“‘s fine, Princey.” Virgil mumbled back, eyes dropping to his lap where he picked at a loose string on his bedspread. Another silence followed, Virgil trying to sniffle as silently as he could. Despite how weird this interaction had been so far, and how slightly awkward it’s gotten, Virgil was honestly just trying to soak in the mere presence of another side while it lasted. He’d never liked being alone for so long. His stomach was starting to hurt for a reason aside from sickness. This sure was a good way to get Roman to leave early, the others were probably right for leaving him alone so far.

Suddenly, Virgil squeezed the blankets in his fist to try and stop a sudden tickle in his throat, the sensation coming out of nowhere. Unfortunately though, his instincts won out just seconds later as he was forced to cough, the sound gargled and gross even when he covered the whole bottom half of his face with his covers. Dammit, dammit, stupid fucking cough. And Roman just got there too. He wasn’t ready for the creative side to leave again yet.

“S- Sorry, sorry ‘bout that. Shit.” He mumbled rather quickly, hoping to by just a few minutes longer of the creative side’s company before it was taken away again for who knows how long. His head felt like it was being split open, no thanks to the effort it took to cough. Who the Hell’s idea was sickness? They should be fired.

Much to his surprise though, when Virgil hesitantly looked up to gauge how put off Roman was by his display, he only saw an overwhelming about of worry, but even more importantly, alarm.

“Apologies, but is this like- normal??” Roman asked with eyes noticeably wider, studying Virgil's pained expression, hunched over posture, the mess of dirty tissues around, and the way the bright numbers of his digital clock on his nightstand was covered carefully, with a washcloth no doubt.

Virgil drew in a deep, slow breath through his nose as he rubbed on his temples to try and alleviate some pain, eyes closed and head tilted down. Roman’s ridiculous questions were just making his headache worse, and honestly he didn’t even understand how the Hell he was so confused. Was this his plan? To come in here and confuse Virgil and his already incapacitated brain? ‘Cause if so, he was doing a brilliant job. “Roman, what the hell are you talking about.”

It came out less like a question, more like a very tired statement, but he was answered with confused stammering, Roman gesturing almost desperately to Virgil and his state. “What do you mean what am I talking about?? Dude, you’re clearly not doing well. I mean, I wasn’t gonna bring it up, but you’re sweating like a sinner in church, you’re covered in a thousand blankets, you were just hacking up a lung and you’re barely able to speak right from, what i’m assuming, is a nose full of mucus!”

“Yeah, okay, I get it. I look like shit, Pr’ncey, enough said.” Virgil snapped, glaring up at Roman and accidentally moving his head up to look at him too fast, sending a flare of agony through his skull. He cursed under his breath and winced, but powered through it even as Roman lifted a hand to- to what, help? It didn’t matter, Virgil moved away from the effort. “No, don’t touch me, alright? I don’t wan’ your pity.”

Virgil knew all of this was coming out more aggressive than he ever would allow if he was feeling himself. Hell, even now he was begging himself to just shut up and stay calm. But after almost 2 full days with no sleep, and 5 days of nonstop pain, coughing, being unable to breath properly, the feeling of fire in his throat every time he tried to eat, and then on top of that, being shunned by the 3 people he wanted- needed, more than anything. Well, he really couldn’t stop his composure from cracking and shattering.

Roman looked ready to respond, seemingly struck with more pity than before, but Virgil’s hand shot up to stop him. “I don’t want to hear it, Princey. Why the Hell are you even here anyway? If you’ve missed me so much, why did you wait 5 f’cking days to come see me? T’ come ‘check on me’? And, by th’ way, so far you’ve really only been fucking with me and making me feel worse, so in reality it probably would ‘ve been better had you just kept up your streak of avoiding me like ev’ryone else!”

Virgil was breathing heavily, head pounding and lungs burning after raising his voice just a bit too much at the end of his rant. He replayed the words back in his mind, heart sinking when he realized how aggressive he’d gotten. He couldn’t slow down his breathing, why couldn’t he slow his breathing?? Jesus christ, he wasn’t about to break down on top of all that other shit he just unleashed. Perfect, he was just proving the other side’s point for them.

With his body now starting to shake, jaw clenched to hold back tears because this week has been bullshit, and he felt like curling up and disappearing, if not to escape his aching body then to at least escape the anger he knew would result from that whole verbal meltdown he just had. Obviously Roman would be leaving, but would he yell first? Tell him how annoying and selfish he was, and how he didn’t get to be a huge asshole just because he was feeling a little under the weather? Or would he leave in silence, just exit the room with that silent, cold anger that Roman only showed when he was really upset.

Maybe he’d tell everyone else what happened, how he’d tried to extend an olive branch, test it out just to see if maybe his illness hadn’t made him into a pathetic prick, but Virgil lashed out as expected and ran him off. Would Logan and Patton get mad at him too? Come in and tell him off for being so horrible to his own family, that he couldn’t even be a decent person for 5 minutes.

Maybe things wouldn’t go back to normal even after he’s recovered, all because he couldn’t just control himself.

“Virgil, what are you talking about?” Roman asked exasperated, and Virgil dragged his hands down his face. He meant to make more of a growl in frustration, but it came out closer to a pained whine. His eyes stung for a new reason now. He just wanted this to stop. Why wouldn’t Roman just stop?

“What. What am I talking about what. I can’t do this- this whole vague shit righ’now, jus’ spit it out.” He hated how short tempered he was sounding, but Roman didn’t seem to be fazed. Virgil could see the Prince waving his hands around in his peripheral, looking tongue tied.

“The- The part where you think i’m fucking with you?? Why you think we’re avoiding you?? Why you’re so-... so….” Roman trailed off, a look of realization crossing his face, which quickly turned to horror and guilt. “Wait a… w-wait a second, Virgil, are you- are you sick??”

To say Roman sounded appalled would be an understatement, his eyes wide in shock, brows drawn, mouth slightly agape. Virgil’s head spun, suddenly dizzy as his brain tried to figure out why Roman sounded so horrified- why he sounded so surprised. He couldn’t stand it, he couldn’t understand what was going on. He felt nauseous and he just wanted to sleep. Before he knew it, tears were trekking down his face, thick tears springing from his eyes making the pressure behind them even more unbearable. A sob tore painfully from his throat, instantly catching the Prince’s full attention.

“Oh my… Virgil-“

Virgil shrunk away from the Prince’s voice, curling up once more into a ball, trying to hide from everything. His lip wobbled, he could feel it, but he was too tired to be embarrassed or feel pathetic. He pulled the covers closer around him. “R-Roman, please jus’-“ He hiccuped on a sob, hissed through his teeth as the action sent a sharp pain through his lungs. “I don’ know i-if you’re tryin’ to joke ‘r somethin’, but— but ’s n- not funny, o-okay?”

Instead of speaking clearly at a normal volume, Virgil was nearly mumbling the entire time he was speaking, slurring through words even worse than when the conversation started. Was it just him, or was the room spinning? “Please, i… i need you t’...” Virgil huffed for breath, exhaustion wearing on him like a switch was just suddenly flipped. It nearly took all his energy to try and get a deep breath.

“Ro…”

Virgil was met with a warm, broad chest, and strong arms wrapping around him before he even knew he was slumping forward. His ears were ringing, drowning out what sounded like a familiar voice speaking to him. They sounded distressed, he hoped they were okay. What was combing through his hair? He couldn’t quite remember what was going on before then, but all he knew was, he was safe now.

Then, the world went dark.

———

Virgil came into consciousness a little while later, his brain the kind of blissfully empty that only comes after passing out, apparently. He couldn’t grasp where he was before, existing in a reality where there is no past for a few moments. His head was vaguely aching, like a dull throb faded into the background, and his lungs stung only a little when he breathed in deeply. In his sleepy state though, Virgil didn’t concern himself with those feelings.

Virgil couldn’t see anything, he noticed not long after, but he could hear murmuring and the distant sound of water running.

Next, he realized he knew he wasn’t in his own room anymore, both because this wasn’t his mattress, and the room didn’t smell like his own.

He could smell.. cinnamon… and peaches… and ink. Somewhere in his groggy brain, Virgil recognized the smell, but at the moment it was just out of his reach. It didn’t bother him, though, not when he was so relaxed and calm. He felt like he was one with the bed, and the soft, fluffy sheets encasing him.

A few more seconds of coming to, and Virgil realized his eyes were covered with something damp, and cool… soft too. It felt amazing against his warm skin. oh right, i’m sick, a thought entered his mind gently.

Then, a lot less gently, the events from before he passed out rushed to the forefront of his mind, practically smacking him in the face. Because yes, he’d passed out, right in front of Roman like an idiot, oh shit, why isn’t he in his room, where is he-

“Virgil? Hey woah, calm down buddy- here,” Virgil heard someone quickly cross the room, and tended his body for all of two seconds before the washcloth over his eyes was being lifted.

Virgil blinked blearily, squinting his eyes even though the room was almost completely shrouded in darkness, save for a thin line of light coming from the cracked bathroom door. Someone was sat beside him on the side of the bed, but he was too blurry for Virgil to make out details.

“There you are. Hey Hot Topic, how are you feeling?” the person asked, speaking more gently than anyone had spoken to Virgil in a long time. Strangely though, Virgil wasn’t upset by it. It was.. nice…

Wait a minute, he knew that voice.

“R- Roman..? I.. Where…?” Distantly, Virgil knew he sounded like shit, which meant he probably looked like shit, and directly after asking that half assed question, he realized he had to be in the Princes room. “Oh.. fuckin’- I passed out on you..” he groaned, moving his hands up to scrub the blurriness from his eyes.

It worked, surprisingly, and now that Virgil could see, he realized that yes, Roman was the one sitting next to him, and yes he was in Roman’s room, in Roman’s bed. He also noticed how tossed Roman’s hair was, and the bright red with little snowmen pajamas the Prince wore. They were really adorable.

“Yes, I’m afraid you did.. and I’m also afraid that I am partly to blame for it.” Roman sighed, casting his eyes down as he pressed his lips in a line.

Virgil’s brows drew together, and, because he was so delirious, he reached out to grab gently at Romans sleeve. “How is it your fault that I passed out?” he asked incredulously. At least he could speak properly now. Now? Now since when? Oh geez, “Wait how long have I been out? A few hours? Days? Years?! Did I fall into a coma?!”

The corner of Roman’s lip lifted in amusement, and he gently lay a hand over Virgil’s, on his sleeve. “No, no nothing like that, Dark Knight. It’s only been an hour or so. I.. hope you don’t mind, but I had to bring you in here. Your fever was… really high.” The Prince of Creativity said, solemn by the end.

“I think i’ve managed to get it down, so it’s not so dangerous anymore, but Logan will definitely have to keep an eye on it today.”

That got Virgil's attention. “Wait- Logan? Uh.. yeah, not to burst your bubble Princey, but I doubt that’ll be happening.” There was a slight bitterness to his tone as he wrapped his free arm around his midsection, and though there wasn’t as much bitterness as there usually would be, Roman still picked up on it loud and clear.

He inclined his head, as if in agreement, and Virgil stomach only sunk a little bit before Roman was speaking again.

“That’s where you’re wrong, Virgil. You see, there seems to have been a grave misunderstanding. This is how I’m partially responsible for your passing out, same as Logan and Patton are also partly to blame.”

Virgil’s eyes widened, breath hitching at the sheer ridiculousness of that suggestion. No!! How could it be their fault? He’s the one that got so sick and couldn’t keep himself healthy enough not to fucking pass out. He opened his mouth to say as much, but Roman held up a finger before he could get out a single word, silencing him.

“A few days ago, 5 to be exact, it came to Patton’s attention that you weren’t feeling yourself. He told me and Logan that you told him you weren’t feeling very well, and that we should all give you some space the next few days.” Roman said carefully. Ah yes, that conversation. The one that’s haunted Virgil for nearly a week. Virgil remembered it well.

With a hesitant, still very lost nod from Virgil, Roman continued. “It seems that Patton, and in turn, Logan and I, assumed that your strange behavior was linked to.. well, anxiety.” He gave Virgil’s hand a light squeeze, any sign of a smile gone and replaced with pained regret. The Prince swallowed, just as Virgil pieced it together.

“Because of these more stressful times Thomas is experiencing, we wrongly thought that you were having a rough week, leading to worse anxiety. So… we’ve been leaving you on your own, thinking we were helping you..”

Virgil.. didn’t know what to say. He looked up and found Roman’s red, sorrowful eyes. When he focused, he could see they were just a little bit bloodshot, even in the dark. Proof that he had previously cried, no doubt about this. When Virgil didn’t speak, still too shocked as his slowed brain processes this, Roman continued, quietly choking back a sob just after he averted his gaze to the floor.

“V-Virgil-“ he voice cracked. Virgil’s heart was sinking in his chest. Roman had never looked so heartbroken. “Virgil I’m so sorry, I had no idea you were sick, none of us did! I-I swear I didn’t know, I would have never left you alone if I had, Virgil, Star, i’m so so s-sorry,”

Roman was practically full on crying by that point, though he clearly tried to keep it to himself and stay quiet. Virgil was grateful for the effort, but there were much more important things to focus on at the moment. He may not be completely himself, but he still couldn’t let Roman be so sad.

It was because he wasn’t completely himself that Virgil automatically sat up (taking his time to do so, trying not to upset his head), and leaned himself right against Roman, chest to chest, looping his arms around to loosely hold Princey in a hug.

It all made sense now, why he’d been ignored all week, and why nobody came to check on him or try to help. He felt a little (read: a lot) stupid for thinking that anyone in his famILY would do anything but show him the upmost care and attention when he needed it. They thought they were helping, and honestly, had he in fact been having a bad week of heightened anxiety, giving him space would have been the right thing for them to do.

Roman was quick to return Virgil’s hug, though to his credit, his hug was a lot stronger and more secure than Virgil’s. He buried his face in Virgil’s hair, a steady stream of teary apologies spilling from him. A steady stream that Virgil hastily tried to end.

“Roman, it’s okay… i’m not upset, I promise it’s okay. I know you were doing what you thought would help me. Please don’t cry, Princey.” He said softly.

It might have been a few more minutes, or a few hours, that the two sides sat together in each other’s arms. Roman’s cries and apologies slowly quieted to a stop, though the gentle combing of fingers through Virgil’s hair only continued as they sat.

“Hey… Roman?” Virgil whispered after a few more moments, the whole mindscape quiet, save for the quiet sniffles from both Virgil and Roman every once in a while.

“Yes, sweet Midnight?” came an equally gentle response. Neither side moved, Virgil too content with his face snuggly buried against his counterpart’s shoulder, and Roman too content with having Anxiety safe in his arms.

“Would… well, you can say no, but would you mind.. if I stay in here..? I don’t… really want to be alone…” a hint of Virgil’s usual anxious tendencies showed itself despite the tiredness that was starting to cover the darker side. Instead of head-swimming exhaustion though, this time Virgil felt pleasantly heavy and relaxed.

Without uttering another word, Roman pulled them both down to lay their heads on the pillows, lifting one hand to gently flick his wrist and manipulate the covers around them. The light in the bathroom turned off with a soft click of Roman’s fingers, one that Virgil hardly registered as he shuffled somehow closer to the Prince, still tucked safely in his arms.

As he fell softly and smoothly into the first restful sleep he’s had in days, Virgil noticed that he wasn’t freezing cold anymore. The dull throb in his head had gone away almost entirely, and it felt that much easier to breathe. But most importantly, Virgil felt less alone than he had in a long, long time.

Needless to say, Virgil was feeling better already.

#tw sickness #hurt/comfort #sanders sides #ts sanders sides #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #ts virgil #ts roman #prinxiety #virgil x roman #romantic prinxiety #platonic prinxiety

[withoneheadlight]

ok i saw this cap of zoë kravitz in hf and she's got such a dreamy expression, she looks so deeply self-absorbed and infatuated by whatever she's imagining and those lines. and i couldn't stop picturing billy exactly like that for days so,

,

There’s a pretty unusual sound coming off the house when Max comes back home, that summer afternoon.

Full volume. Walls shaking. And she quietly walks to the source of the sound, holding back her breath right in front of Billy's room because, there's this second sound? Stranger and way more unsettling and Max's not sure-sure at first but then Steve Perry’s voice takes off and Billy’s follows it and then he's like, singing along and. Well. Max did know Billy liked Journey but not like, their 'stuff for pussies' but uhm, he does, apparently. Rasps his voice all the way through ‘Faithfully’. Kind of, sighs. Longingly? When it ends? But pfff, ok, big brothers are weird. Definitely weirder after being possessed and then kind of resurrected. Even if it's in a good-weird way but, whatever. So Max's just about to sneak to her room, dutifully rolling her eyes, steps muffled by the first chords of 'Edge of the blade' when―

Click. Click. Billy stops the tape. Click. Takes it out. Tap. Tap. Click. Puts on― Billy puts. On,

Heaven.

Bryan Adams’ Heaven.

And Max―

Being a younger sister is a meticulous kind of full-time, private detective job. You gotta learn how the person you’ve been watching so carefully for years and years works. Hafta develop some sort of―sense about your target. And Billy’s been—un-Billy-like? These past two months. Smiling more. Telling more jokes. Playing ‘You shook me all night long’ in a loop on their drive to school and back, not complaining at all but even joining when’s Max who can’t help but sing along so.

So. She retraces her steps. Knocks. Takes the distracted grunt she gets as a ‘Yeahyeah, c’mon in c’mon in’ and,

Creak. Creak. ‘―baby you’re all that I want’

“Billy?”

Billy’s sitting cross-legged on the floor. Radio close to his knees. Cassettes scattered everywhere. Piles and piles of breakwater surrounding Billy’s old, rusty beacon of sound. He’s reading through the song-list of one of the tapes, a smoke locked on the corner of his mouth, bouncing up and down with every little, absent suck he takes, and he looks. He looks―

Self-absorbed and even. Relaxed. Happy. Like whatever he’s thinking about right now is actually carrying his thoughts away to fucking heaven.

“Ehh”

“Uh-hu?”

‘When you’re lying here in my arms!’

“Billy are you. What―” ‘I'm findin' it hard to believe. We're in heaven’ “What are you doing?”

But there’s this orbit around the sun and then there’s whatever one Billy's been spinning along with the last couple of months so he completely ignores her question. Shakes the tape on his left hand. Picks another one from the pile on his right. Asks her.

“Is Billy Ocean too much? ‘Cause I think it’s too much. But it kind of fits into what I'm trying to say so” he says, shrugs, looking up at Max and waiting for the answer of what she realizes was not really a question. Not at all. So she does her little sister job and just, nods “Right. That’s good. I think it’ll slide just nicely into Bruce Springsteen and―”

“Billy” Max insists, waiting for the charm of the third time to work. It doesn’t. Not really. But keeps Billy's eyes on her long enough to squeeze an “A mixtape?” And, uh. That’s what gets it on. The charm “Are you making a mixtape?”

“Uh?”

And it’s like Max just shook Billy out of a daydream. Ash plopping down from his cigarette as his lips try but can’t purse and Max― she’s good. She’s stellar at this detective thing. Recognizes an opening the moment she sees it, right there in front of her, frozen in the middle of shaking Billy Ocean and Bruce Springsteen in the air right before cocktailing them together. Shaken, not stirred, please. Max’s upgraded to James Bond-level just right now.

“You’re making a mixtape for someone”

“Oh-nonoMaxi―”

“But you didn’t have those tapes before. Not even in your secret stash”

“How do yo―?”

“Holy. ShIT. You’ve been listening to somebody else’s music” This is. Oh, God. This. Is. GOLD. Max gotta take a moment. Blink. Breathe. Process. Her hands move by themselves, palms spread toward Billy in a wait-a-minute kind of gesture except. Max’s gonna need way more than a minute for this “You’ve accepted a music recommendation”

“Maaaaax”

“Gosh, you’ve even listened to the tapes enough to. Make―”

“Max!”

“I just can’t believe it”

And Max was glad. Well. As glad as one can be. Bunch weeks ago. Her mom and Neil out for the day. Coming back home a little earlier than she usually does to hear those ugh. Those other noises. Happy screams. Again. After months and months of Billy being basically alone except for her and the party and Steve. And Max’s so glad, of course she is. But she’s also a little sister. And all this investigation work has a high, rightful purpose.

Make her big brother’s life a living. Hell.

“Oh my god, you must be so gone!” Max brings her hands to her mouth. Takes a deep, deep breath that’s more a poorly restrained giggle. Shoots her index at him “Is it Bon Jovi? What I’m seeing right there? Goddam, Billy are you in lo―”

Bam.

Bam. Bam!

The front door.

What a way to spoil the fun. Max doesn’t have time for this. She’s working.

“BILLY?” comes a voice from the other side “Billy are you in there?”

Steve.

Oh.

What a way to make the fun a hundred times better.

Bam.Bam.Bam!

She’s starting to move to get to the door, sinsonging “Well, I guess Steve’s gonna find out you’re so stupid in love you’re willingly listening to―” when she realizes Billy’s eyes have widened and he’s jerkingly trying to unfreeze, he’s mumbling something in around his already extinguished cigarette in the ways of “Can’t” and “Find out” and “Surprise” and “Fucking help me!” While literally trying to shove the huge mass of tapes under his bed, his tone like hurryhurryhurry!, like he would start gagging and throwing his lungs out at any given minute, so nervous he looks.

So Max doesn’t go for the door. Yet. She basks in the enjoyment.

“Oh, is it a secret romance or something?” She sighs happily, leaning against the doorframe instead. “‘Cause you look pretty worried”

Steve’s banging the door now, voice wavering a little as he asks-shouts “Billy? Billy answer me! Hey, bab―Are you ok?”

“Max, please” Billy begs. Begs. Crawling over to where a Madonna’s Like a virgin is laying with the tape looping slightly out “He really can’t find out”

“What? That you’re in lo-o-oh-oh-OH―”

Billy stops at the tone, right there on his knees. Spits his forgotten cig to the side. And in the instant it seems to take him to make up his mind they both can hear Steve shout “Ok. I know you’re in there!. I’m coming in now!!”

“Fuck! Yeah. I am. Ok?” he looks like he just realized he’s tripped. Blushes. “Making it, I mean”

BAM!

And Ohhhhhhh.

Zero-fucking-zero-fucking-seven.

“Steve,” Max gasps. Because. Hear it makes it like. Easier. To process “You. And Steve”

B A M!

“Yeah, Max, Yeah. And this is a fucking surprise and he’s gonna―”

‘I've been waitin' for so long. For somethin' to arrive. For love to come along’

Ok. Oh. Okok.

“Door!” Max hastens him.

“What?”

“You. Door. Run!” She commands, and Billy― sometimes Max can’t honestly understand how he's got the grades he's got, because Billy blinks, looks clueless “C’mon slow ass. Hurry! I’ll hide all this shit”

And Billy finally gets it. Nods. Slow. Then fast. Stumbles up. Literally runs, to get to the door.

Max still gets to hear his labored “Fuck, pretty boy. “That was really hardcore of you. That's how bad you wanted to see me?” And Steve's own breathless “Really?” Before pushing Billy's room door close with her back, and kneeling on the floor to check for stray, incriminating cassettes.

Pretty boy. Maybe Max isn't as clever as she thought she is. Or hasn’t been doing her job right, clearly.

It's when she’s making ‘It’s a kind of magic’ disappear into the rest of the pile that she lays eyes on it. The case. The J-card written almost all the way down to the B-side already. A mixture of songs Billy's heard so many times there are parts where his tapes screech, and others she'd bet her life he wouldn’t have deigned to listen to. Not ever. Definitely not because―no, for, somebody. Bowie and Cher and Cindy Lauper and Bob Seger right next to Metallica and Guns n' Roses and Meatloaf and― there. There. Almost hidden in the back of the spine. A note. A tiny, thin-lettered thing Max really, really shouldn't be reading but―

‘Thanks for driving me back.

Love. Billy’

But. That's what little sisters do too, she guesses. Intrude. Annoy. Snoop. Feel this sudden rush of relief. Of happiness. When Billy laughs softly, on the other side of the door. When Steve laughs back. Maybe a tear. Or two. But just maybe. She’s really good at this little sister thing, after all.

Hopes for stellar.

,

or: that post s3 where steve lets a camaro-less billy drive him around in his own car "really? again, hargrove?" almost every single day, for months, after he comes back, because "you’re gonna perpetually stick yourself to my ass at least let me do the one thing that frikin’ calms me down" which results in steve resigning himself to deejaying in the shotgun even if "jesus, what's that shit, harrington?" "my car, my rules, sweetheart" which results in billy developing a ‘songs steve harrington is in love with’ mental playlist, realizing he’s probably a little bit in love with the way he loves them and, possibly, a little much love with steve and then stealing steve's tapes one day and,

making a mixtape about it.

(the first of a whole lot, of love letters)

#harringrove #d+mb sh+t i write #but #i had fun! #writing max bc she's my fav <3<3< #and also #dumbstrucklovestruck billy? MY FAV TKVM #also #mixtaping IS an art #xharringrove

[khaleesiofalicante]

Yeah, here I am once again. Appearing after the chaos I created 😂 but OMG WE HAVE ONLY ONE CHAPTER LEFT?? AND THEN THERE COMES THE ANGST?? I'M READY😎

I'm glad to inform you I finished the homework and I have only two assignments and two exams left that I will today :)) It was like:

Me: Maybe I should do this tomorrow??

Brain: But what about Dani?? And the chapter??

Me: Fuck, you are right, I need to do this :(

But anyways, here I am:

"He had been woken up by music, by love, by violence and by nightmares. And out of all those times, out of all those centuries, this was easily his favourite way to wake up." just the beginning and I'm having lots of feels🥺🥺

“Happy anniversary,” Magnus grinned against the other man’s mouth. “Happy anniversary,” Alec whispered. Fifteen years.Fifteen years since Alec Lightwood loved one man so much that he had changed the world for him." 15 YEARS? HRJWKDJDJ LOVE THEM💙

"Magnus understood why his son was acting all over the place. The boy was supposed to take up the position of Consul after Alec" *singing "Oh baby, no baby, you got it all wrong baby" *

"Next thing he knew, Alec was on top of him. His mouth was on Magnus. Where, exactly, Magnus didn’t notice – or care. He liked Alec everywhere." OH WELL, THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY! 😏

"Not the kind of banging he had hoped to start the day with to be honest." OH god😂😂 I love this man. He is the bane of my existence!” (I just-  The puns are killing me 😂)

“It might be karma, darling,”  (He got a point. Karma is a bitch)

“Since when do you have a problem with excessive glitter?” (Yeah Alec, Your excuses are getting worst 😂)

"You better do it, or I will tell everyone about your secret" YOU LITTLE SHIT!

"That child is the reincarnation of Christopher Lightwood!” 😂😂 i literally scared my dog cause I laughed so hard!!

"There were whispers and rumours all over the shadow world that Angel Raziel had given up on Alec’s Clave." OH THE FUCK NO!! I SWEAR I WILL THROW SOME HANDS AT HEAVEN!! "Because if Magnus found out Raziel was the one causing all this pain for Alec, he would march up to heaven and set the bastard on fire himself." FUCK YEAH. I'M COMING WITH YOU!! 🔪 🔪

“Livia Blackthorn had been listening through the Idris wards to gather pieces of information that might be crucial for Alec’s Council.” I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT WAS LIVVY!!

Selena is Ragnor’s favorite!!! I LOVE IT

“The shadowhunter was a good influence on him. Magnus hoped Alec would see it sooner rather than later.”😂😂 You love him Alec and you know it!!

“She walked over to Magnus and hugged him tightly. And he sensed it immediately. The second heartbeat.” What?? WHAT??? I ALMOST SCREAMED. OMG. OMG

“Magnus stared at the necklace. The necklace he had bought in the 19th century for Camille. The necklace that had ended up in the hands of Will Herondale and then his sister. The necklace that had belonged to the Lightwood family for generations.” OMG SHE IS GIVING HIM THE LIGHTWOOD NECKLACE!!! THAT THING LITERALLY COMPLETE THE CIRCLE. BELONGED TO MAGNUS, CAMILLE, WILL, CECILY, ALL THE LIGHTWOODS AND THE MAGNU’S SON!!

I'm freaking out now because Izzy doesn't know??? Or maybe she does???And it's waiting to tell them?? I feel like a worried parent!!!

“But he knew it was all part of growing up. He would never pressure them to talk about their feelings or force them to make themselves vulnerable. All he could do was be there for them when they were ready to let it all out. “Do you want to tell me about it?” Magnus asked. He tried. Just in case.” What do I see here? Parenting doing right💙💙

“If you want love, you must be willing to accept the vulnerability that comes with it.” I just. This man gives the best advice ever!!

“I’ll try,” Rafael promised. “I don’t like lying.” “I know,” Magnus smiled. “So much like your dad.” But Alec did lie though. Magnus pushed the thought away. (Why is this such a rollercoaster??)

“His children were so much like his husband that sometimes it made Magnus wonder if they needed him at all. It was a ridiculous thought of course. But it stilled swam around his head. Sometimes a part of him thought it would be better if Alec had been the one to stay back and Magnus was the one to leave. The kids would be better off with Alec, his mind said. He always knew what to do with them.” IT'S NOT OK TO MAKE ME CRY WHEN I HAVE AN EXAM IN 3 MINUTES!!

Back from my exam 😂😂 And don’t worry. Just got one mistake :))

“Max of course was wearing a white t-shirt and jeans. His regular look. But just below the pearl necklace wrapped around his neck was the Lightwood necklace.” YES. MAX WEARING THE LIGHTWOOD NECKLACE!!

“Alec walked out of their bedroom a moment later, and Magnus quite literally felt his heart stutter. Fifteen years. Fifteen years of loving and Alec still made his heart stutter.” They are the reason I believe in love💙💙

“If Magnus wasn’t wrong, he could see the thin layer of kohl under Alec’s blue eyes. Alec rarely enjoyed wearing makeup. But he rarely enjoyed saying no to children too. Magnus threw Rafael a grateful smile and the boy winked back.” Magnus and Rafael getting Alec to wear makeup is my will to live 😂😂

“The words died on Alec’s lips when his eyes fell on Magnus. The man sighed as he stared at Magnus. Fifteen years. Fifteen years and Magnus still took Alec’s breath away.” Jagcydwjendieu I’m emo

What?” Magnus asked coyly. “Is it too much?” “You know damn well it’s not,” Alec hissed and pulled Magnus towards him. “You look perfect. How do you look so perfect?” “Because I am standing next to you,” Magnus smiled.( They bad/perfect flirting it's just *chef kiss*)

“Bapak is a good looking one in the family,” Rafael pointed out. “You are the chaotic one and I am the smart one.” “What am I then?” Alec asked dryly. “A sack of potatoes?” “You’re the sexy one,” Magnus grinned. “A sexy sack of potatoes.” (THAT FAMILY IS KILLING ME IN THE GOOD WAY💙💙)

Magnus nudged Rafael on the back. The boy sighed and walked to his brother. “Come,” he took Max’s hand and led him to his bedroom. “Let’s find you something nice to wear, okay?” Max mumbled again but followed Rafael anyway. (I just can’t with all the love this family has!!!)

“Nope,” Alec said. “They are stuck with me.” “And you’re stuck with me,” Magnus replied. “I wouldn’t be anywhere else, Magnus,” Alec randomly speaks poetry… And he says he is not good with words??

“Selena was wearing a blue crop top with the words “MIND YOUR OWN UTEREUS” written in gold. David was in a simple sky-blue t-shirt, the colour of Max’s magic.” OK BUT THEM?? THEY’RE BEAUTIFUL

“Max hadn't changed his clothes. But he was wearing a blue leather jacket that belonged to Rafael. He looked happy about it.” I said it once and I will say it again. They are the definition of siblings

NO!! IT'S TIME FOR THE TOAST. I’M GOING TO CRY!!

"To Alec and Magnus - for being themselves and inspiring everyone else to do the same." CHEERS TO THAT BRO!!

“Isabelle,” Magnus called gently. “Let’s go easy on the champagne tonight, yes?” YES IZZY. I’M WORRIED ABOUT YOU AND YOU NEED TO REST AND BE PROTECTED OK? OK

“The argument of “who gave the best gift” had started when Jace and Izzy had gotten drunk on vodka. It didn’t help that Alec had gotten drunk as well. All three Lightwood siblings had then proceeded to have an argument about who had the best spouse. The whole night had been drunken chaos. “

“So, Magnus had let his husband be that 18-year-old boy again. The boy who got drunk and fought with his siblings and sang songs about Magnus’ pretty eyes” 💙💙💙💙 This is just to pure

Ok, I feel like this is the chapter of the snippet from a long time ago. The one of Alec and Magnus in the closet while Mavid were talking, but I’m not sure

Why couldn’t this boy just cause chaos during his travel year like the rest of them? Why did he actually study and do his research as recommended?😂😂LMAOO

“Magnus didn’t know why. But the room suddenly felt rather hot. Poor David noticed his discomfort and came to his rescue. But unfortunately, the rescue attempt only made it worse” David, I love you with all my entire heart, but seriously??

DANI, NO! We have already been through this!! I have trauma out of this!!

OK, ok. It could have been worst

“But the time for talking was done. They were living it now.” I SWEAR I’M NOT CRYING!!

“Afraid of what?” Magnus asked. “I’m afraid you won’t find me attractive,” Alec said so quietly that Magnus barely heard it (MY HEART!!)

“But death is so much better than this. It’s so much better than waiting for the day you look at me and I no longer see that spark in your eyes.” THIS. THIS WAS THE DEAD OF ME

Fuck, i have an exam in 5 minutes and now I’m crying

Finally out of the exam 😂 This teacher literally asks us a question from the guidebook and if it's not 100% what it said there, then we fail

But going back to this HOLY SHIT I LOVE MAGNUS!!

“Did something say something to you?” Jace demanded, standing up angrily. “Because I swear by the angel-” “Nobody said anything, Jace!” Alec rolled his eyes. “I own a mirror!” “And is this mirror broken or something?” Isabelle asked incredulously. “Alec, honestly!” (I BELIEVE IN LIGHTWOOD SIBLINGS SUPREMACY!!)

“Yeah, man!” Simon nodded. “You are objectively good looking.” “Objectively good looking?” Jace snorted. “Excuse you, but my parabatai is smoking hot! He is a freaking prize, okay? If we had a magazine for hot shadowhunters, you would be on the cover page. Every single issue.” “Okay, that’s enough!” Alec interrupted. “Magnus, are you happy? Now all my friends have told me I am pretty.” “I said smoking hot,” Jace corrected. (*Sighs* I fucking love parabatai)

“Dad, I don’t know why you are so worried,” Max said in a bored tone. “You’re a total DILF.” David choked on his champagne and Jace patted him on the back. I’m dying jajdhuwejdjkew😂😂

“It means Dashing and Irresistible Looking Father” Singing again *Oh baby, no baby, you got it all wrong baby* Idk when this turned from Alec feeling self conscious to Thirsting Over Alec Lightwood-Bane but I’m here for it. Seriously. My mom is in front of me. She thinks and doing homework. And I’m just trying to keep a straight face (so hard) This is not working. I’m about to scream😂😂

2I can’t understand how you could look at yourself and not see what I see.”

“They stared at the picture on Max’s wall. The picture of Max and Rafael grinning ear to ear when they had visited Peru to piss Magnus off.” THOSE LIL SHITS!

tiEvery me they call each other baby my skin clears and i have three more years of life

“No,” Magnus managed a smile. “Sometimes things are just sad. So, you need to let yourself be sad.” 💙💙

“It’s Max!” Alec said. “We have to hide!" “Hide? This is our home!” (OH BOY😂😂)

I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAVE THE SCENE!! “When I die, I will love you from my grave,” David said now. “I will love you from heaven.” WHY DO THEY ALL SPEAK POETRY?

Don’t let him go, Magnus whispered to Max inside his heart. Don’t ever let him get away.” MAVID IS JUST SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!

“He wondered how strong a person must be to not give up on guardian angels and the idea of heaven after being dragged through hell by his demon of a father.” My boy is strong af

“I don’t believe in angels or heaven,” Alec said then. “But I feel blessed to be loved by you too.” Magnus smiled against Alec’s neck. “Stop stealing David’s dialogues.”💙💙 I have said this to much but I love them

“For the rest of the night, they danced and laughed and drank and smiled. Of course, there was the sadness of time hanging over their heads. But they ignored it. They focused on the love in front of them.” These lines are just amazing

“And sorry,” David said quickly. “I apologize if I said something out of turn before. I didn’t mean to cause any trouble-” BOY COULD YOU STOP BEING PERFECT??

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think it matters who you brought the necklace for,” David said, his blue eyes on Magnus. “Everything you do is out of love, Mr. Lightwood-Bane. And I think that’s beautiful.” EVEN MAGNUS STAY SPEECHLESS!!

“That’s not what I meant,” Jace shook his head. “David and Max. A shadowhunter and a warlock. They are together. They are happy. That’s cause of you, Alec. You and Magnus did that.” Magnus smiled at this husband. “Listen to your parabatai. He gets wise so very rarely.” YES THEY DID. I’M SO FUCKING PROUD!

“But he did it now. For Alec. Because Alexander Lightwood always has been and always will be his only exception.” The Malec feelings I’m getting from this are to much

“Magnus smiled. “How do I look?” “Immaculate,” Alec whispered. In the mirror, Magnus could see himself. His dark hair was woven with strands of gray. He had wrinkles on his face, just around the eyes. When Magnus smiled, his eyes crinkled.” OMG OMG!! I’M CRYING

“Magnus took Alec’s hand in his and put it over his heart. “Promise me you will stop smoking.” THANK YOU MAGNUS. LITERALLY THANK YOU!!

“I don’t care how they look at me. I care how you look at me," Alec smiled softly. "Because I only ever look back at you, Magnus.” Alec says these things like they aren’t worth a museum

I would never tell you what to do with your body, Alexander. But-” “Well, you tell me sometimes,” Alec snickered against his mouth. “Stop making jokes to avoid serious conversations,” Magnus slapped his husband on the arm. “That’s my thing.”😂😂

“Magnus stayed awake that night. He stayed awake and told his brain to cherish every single memory from tonight. That’s how Magnus spent every night. He would stay awake and ask his mind to remember.” THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND ACCURATE I ACTUALLY FORGET ITS NOT CANON

“And then he dreamt.In his dream, he saw them again. But they weren’t smiling this time.” :) Seriously?? SERIOUSLY? I’M SO DONE, YET I’M STILL HERE??

Ugh this was so beautiful i just can- I closed Tumblr so I didn’t get spoiled 😂 Amazing as always and I’m just going to have Malec feels for the rest of the day.

P.s. I was listening to One Last Time by LP and got even more emo 💙💙

This whole thing me so emo wtf 😭😭😭

I love your reactions so much 🥺🥺🥺

Also you reading fanfiction minutes before the exam is such a big dick move istg never change bro 😎

#lbaf

[demenior]

Dem’s Big Post About The Spn Fics Part 1/2

aka The Wrap Up to celebrate To Exist Again and To Become a Man now being finished!

(This will be a long post. This is your only warning.)

Admittedly this is a bit of a weird thing to be doing, but I wanted to try it out for 3 reasons: 

I love talking about my own work and 

It functions really well as a self-reflective tool for me to improve on, and 

I can answer some big questions people might have because there was a LOT of worldbuilding in these stories. 

We’ll start off with reflective stuff, and move into the juicier world-building focused stuff later into the post. There will be major spoilers for both fics to come!

To begin with a funny anecdote, Why Did I Write These Stories?

I was beginning to write and work out the story that I wanted to write for Spn (what will now be To Destroy a Man. As I was writing the scene, I realized I had a LOT of ideas and while I was trying to avoid as much exposition as I could, it became quickly apparent that I was needing to create my own au (this scene eventually became chapter 34 of To Become a Man). A short prequel seemed like a good idea, to quickly hash out the ‘prior’ events that I needed to go through so all the readers could be on the same page. While plotting out prequel points, I realized Sam and Dean were going to have drastically different experiences during the same time period, and I was trying to figure out who’s pov would be better for which scenes, and how to keep momentum when they’re going through such radically different types of changes. Ultimately I decided to split their povs, which I also thought would be a fun project! And I naively assumed each pov would take about 2 chapters each, rounding out to maybe 15k total.

I had my ending points: Dean n Cas soul-merged and (basically) married, Cas on the lam from heaven and a complete anomaly, and Sam juiced up full of powers and a weird mix of archangel and antichrist but still 100% human and ready to fight God. 

Now I needed to add weight to these changes, so I wrote 200k of build-up.

Am I proud of these fics?

OF COURSE I AM!!! These are the longest fics I’ve ever written AND finished AND in the fastest freakin turnaround ever (both were finished writing, barring edits, in like 6 months holy shit)

I didn’t write a single scene that I “didn’t” want to write. If I had trouble writing it, as in it was fighting me, I scrapped it. Most obviously was the scene in Dean’s pov where he and Sam were intended to meet some other hunters and Dean declines working with them because he’s nervous about being outed as queer. It was meant to be a good scene! I wanted to introduce some new characters! But it just wasn’t working so I said ‘thank you, next!’. 

But it means this story was an absolute joy to write. Because for a while all I was doing was ‘if I wanted to write one scene into supernatural, what would I write?’ and then just DID that!! It’s why there’s a lot of ‘Salmondean do dumb shit or have really dumb heartfelt conversations’ scenes.

Would I change anything?

If I’d been less eager to start sharing, I might have planned out the story beats a little tighter so there were less ‘soft’ chapters and a draw/pull for people to come back and keep reading. I felt Dean’s story specifically lagged at points and could have used some tighter editing (there was a noticeable lull in directed movement between Dean n Cas getting together, until Sam corrupts Amy).

I also probably would have held Sam’s story until I’d finished Dean’s so I could make the two line up better! Probably could have inserted more scenes into Sam’s fic that way, and made sure things were a little more consistent. In an ideal world one concept I had was to release 1 chapter from each pov every week that would correspond to the same time frame so we’d be getting real-time SalmonDean pov narrative. Unfortunately that didn’t work!

The biggest takeaway overall is for me to focus more on what moves the plot, and to make my scenes do more than 1 thing so I can cut down on wordcount and increase my efficiency. 

Of course every writer will find things they want to fix in anything they’ve ever written, so these are minor “mistakes” at best. I’m so dang proud of these fics. 

Onto more interesting things!

How Did I Put These Fics Together (because it’s different than anything I’ve ever done before)

Normally when I write a story, I plan out the beats I need to hit, see where I need to insert any kind of foreshadowing/buildup, and then write from A to B to C and so on and so forth. Hence, this is why I can normally post things as I complete chapters, because it’s all a linear progression. 

For these two stories, rather than linear plot/a normal story structure, I just sat and free-wrote any and every scene that came to mind and then pieced them into a kinda-linear form like putting a quilt together. You’ll note that this is why there’s not a lot of internal callback or a feeling of sense of time flowing within the fic (save for points where I went back and specifically edited it in). How long does the story take place over? Hard to say! Your author has the barest grasp on linear time even on a good day (how many times did I say ‘see you on [wrong day]’ at the end of chapters lmaaoooo)

This also meant EXTENSIVE editing on the back end once I decided in what order I wanted my ‘quilt pieces’ to be. Hard to say if this is a bonus or a negative!

But I did want to try and capture the vibe of the lives they lead, as a bit of a ‘slice of life’-style story, when the slice of life is the profound weirdness of the Winchester roaming life, and how things are status quo- until everyone almost dies oh shit!! And then they have to keep living because no therapy we die/undie like Winchesters. Do I think I captured this effectively? Hmm. Good question. 

Dem where the FUCK did the inspiration for a lot of the magic and creature weirdness even come from?

Honestly? Music, primarily. And completely mishearing lyrics!

Nightwish ‘Ever Dream’: the line is ‘my song can but borrow you grace’ and because my brain is scrambled eggs on a good day, I heard ‘grace’ ‘song’ and ‘borrow’ in that order and have had, for YEARS, the mental image of Cas borrowing Dean’s soul to power himself up for battle.

From there I’ve always been enamored with the ‘wavelength of celestial intent’ descriptor that Cas drops in s6 for “what he is”. 

I also really like ocean metaphors mostly because I’ve been obsessed with the ocean and things in it since I was like… 5??? So really this was me just rolling with what I know lmao. I love using (somewhat) accurate scientific metaphors for very intangible things!

I was also finishing my degree in biology/ecology while writing these fics and I think it shows

Stars ‘The Night Starts Here’ gives us the series title and the fic titles. Except for ‘To Exist Again’. TEA was almost titled ‘The Upwards Fall’ because I wanted all 3 of the Main Stories to have titles from this song, but I couldn’t make anything else work in tandem with the series name ‘The Love It Takes’ while also working for Sam’s personal story. So Sam, as always, is the rebel <3

Stars ‘Up In Our Bedroom, After The War’ is basically the vibes of the whole story. TFW has been, literally, to hell and back!!! There’s a bit of melancholy and sadness, a lingering dark, but the chance of a bright new tomorrow and a soft start.

Let’s Talk About Themes in The Story! What were you looking to accomplish? 

My earliest notes for TFW are, as follows:

Dean’s journey of self-discovery (who am I when I’m not trying to be Dad?)

Dean wants to settle down! He wants a big family! He wants to be domestic!

Basically: Dean doesn’t want to have a short life of hunting. He wants to live!

Dean’s journey of realizing he’s bi, and him accepting that

Dean’s relationship to Sam is both older brother/parent 

And continuing Dean balancing these roles while also letting Sam be an adult 

Dean’s Big Issues/Fears about never being good enough for people to want to stay with him (these are effectively highlighted in that Cas thinks he’s not useful enough to be wanted)

Sub Plot:

Castiel’s autonomy

Cas’ fall from grace, to trying to restore Heaven, to wrecking it further

He’s majorly depressed by the end of s7 (before purgatory)

Wants to stay in Purgatory but doesn’t tell Dean

Remains depressed after leaving, but resolved to keep living on because he’s clearly meant for something

After the seraphim reveal: does he have free will?! How does he grapple with this? How does he live in a way he can be proud of?

And lastly

Sam gets his powers back CAUSE THATS HOT

where tf did they go????

he got them from Lucifer?????

sleeper agent??????

Sam is The Chosen One

Accepts that he is More Than Human and to celebrate all parts of him

Lucifer and Sam friends?? Work together????

Sam needs autonomy in his choices/his life

If you compare these to the overall arc of TFW within the two stories, I think I got a lot of them! But you’ll also note a lot of these things aren’t concrete goals that are easily measurable (ex: Dean wants to learn to bake pie. In chapter 1 he starts a fire in the kitchen. By the end of the story he finally makes A Good Pie.) part of the lack of concrete milestones was why I felt it was important to tell Dean (and Cas’) story by going back to the point they meet, in s4! Dean’s gradual change towards his feelings for Cas, his relationship to Sam (heavily influenced by the s7 events of this fic) and then his own relationship with himself were such slow burns that I felt it would be a disservice to try and cram a change like that into a timeline like “1 year”.

I felt like these subtle changes and adjustments actually felt a lot truer to life-- people often change in very small, gradual ways over time, even without realizing it and often times not consistently! If only we could all gain skills like the sims, where we can easily level up and remain at that high level of performance! 

So the Guy Who Ate Satan, A Celestial Nuke that Developed Sentience, and Dean walk into a bar…

Sam’s story in Spn The Show has always been a ‘chosen one’ kind of narrative. Sam is living with one foot in the realm of the monsters, and I wanted to bring that back full force! It really makes sense for him that he should only continue to grow in power, might, and magic!! As the story progresses.

Cas also got a power up! I do desperately love in the show that he was kind of a grunt/nothing angel, and so even when he defected to TFW he was a huge help for them, but in the scale of things he was an annoying fly to most other angels. It really worked for the underdog story of s4/5. In this I wanted to give him a power up, and originally it was actually going to be close contact with Sam that eventually changed Cas into something unknown (you can still see traces of this in ch34 of TBAM, where Death remarks ‘Castiel could be [Sam’s] first creation’. But for a combo of reasons: how Sam’s magic needed to have intent, the entire concept of free will and consent, and how much I wanted Dean and Cas to have their effect on each other, I decided to go with the route that Cas has actually always been something angel-adjacent rather than becoming something new. TFW/Supernatural has always been about free will and making your own story, so I amplified that with Cas.

Dean has always been A Normal Guy, which is part of the appeal of him and Sam (2 normal dudes!) taking on the Very Not Normal. As explained above, Sam’s story is ‘normal guy finds out he’s the chosen one’ and so, in a story about very large concepts and huge monsters and acts of magic, I felt it was very important to keep Dean as normal as possible. To the point it became a running gag to me, personally, in that ‘no matter what cool shit happens around him, Dean has to stay as Just A Guy’. And it’s a very humanizing role that allows the story to have the scale it does!

What were the most important themes in your story?

Sam’s Autonomy

I wasn’t even going to include the plot about Lucifer’s death in this story— that was going to come up in a later story, actually! And rather than Sam having ate Lucifer, the original idea was that they’d become a SamandLucifer entity (this harkens back to a concept I wanted to write when Swan Song first aired). 

That storyline would have involved a lot of mental ‘Sam and Lucifer discuss what it means to live, which one of them is more worthy of life and if they do deserve to destroy the world for the pain they’ve been forced to go through, just to create the dichotomy of good and evil for everyone else’ discussions. There would be a lot of talk about how Sam hates and fears Lucifer for the pain Lucifer put on Sam, how Lucifer hates Sam because he and Sam are the same but Sam’s brother loves him anyways, etc. 

Ultimately that was scrapped because Sam’s entire story in the show is always about how the world and everyone around him manipulates him and that he never actually gets to make choices about his own life or body that aren’t influenced or part of someone elses’ design. And that always bothered me that Sam was never allowed to be himself without having to be ashamed of it, and I wanted to make sure that Sam’s triumph of being proud of himself/proudly choosing to exist (again) was evident in his story

In the end I needed Sam to have this visceral win over his tormentor. As the story shows, in this case Lucifer was abused and put into a position where he was incapable of empathy and could only express himself in violence. Sam even understands this! But it doesn’t change the fact that Lucifer tortured Sam in unimaginable ways for thousands of years. 

With that in mind I didn’t like the idea of Lucifer and Sam having “co-ownership” of their new identity, so I made the choice that Sam had to be the survivor. This tied in well with Sam’s new crusade to restore free will to the universe, because he’s breaking the narrative of his own story!

While Castiel wasn’t a pov character, his own autonomy and free will was equally as important. You’ll note that many, many paragraphs and conversations revolved around that theme and that in the end Cas followed himself (and love!) which ensured his freedom of self <3

The Brothers are WEIRD PEOPLE!!!! And Codependent to a Worrying Degree, but It’s Also How They Survive

It’s very hard to show “unusual” relationships when you’re writing from the pov of the two people who don’t think there’s anything weird about their relationship. Sure, they say ‘yeah it’s probably weird that we still share a bed’ but that’s kinda more in line with ‘I had a nightmare and I want to be close to the person who makes me feel safe’. Hashtag normalize co-sleeping when you need it!!!

From there I did try to point out how the boys have a weird perception of lifestyle in the little things they did. 

From thrifting everything from clothes to appliances to books (thrifting is a valid lifestyle! It’s incredibly handy when you’re on a budget.) 

To never actually having condiments or knowing how to use a dishwasher cause they’ve lived in a car, a motel room, or squatted in old houses their whole life.

I tried to have them wear each others’ clothes or casually swap things as much as possible. They live out of each others’ pockets!

Also the brothers are just weird people!! It’s hard to show from their pov, cause they don’t know how far off from normal they are, but like…

Everything about Sam and Amelia was NOT right like holy shit those two were wilding in their grief. They are very lucky things worked out for them and that they got to be hashtag Weird Girls together

Dean explicitly, in the story, gets horny after killing stuff!! Violence has done a number on his psyche and he’s gotten some wires crossed that maybe shouldn’t have been, or maybe could be worked out in a safe space but… uh… how likely do we think Dean is gonna go find a safe space to deal with any of his shit???

LOVE!!! Love is truly what this whole story is all about

If you’ve read the stories, you know how much emphasis I put on love. Love is the strongest force in the Spn Universe! It’s what averted the apocalypse and saved the world (Swan Song), it’s what created free will (Cas’ entire arc!) I love love!!!!

I went out of my way to not put any definitions on platonic love vs romantic love because I think love is love is love and how you express that is the difference. Neither is more powerful than the other because LOVE is powerful!! Sam and Cas are the most important people in Dean’s life and he loves them equally! He shows this by giving Cas kisses and stealing Sam’s socks.

It’s a personal pet peeve of mine when I have to hear explanations like ‘I love you, like a brother’ or ‘I love you, but like, as a friend because I’m a lesbian and you’re a man’ etc etc in media. If you have to continuously define how your characters love each other, then I don’t think you’re doing a good job of portraying their relationship. So you’ll see that I never put those parameters in any conversation. Dean DOES muse that he loves Cas differently than he loves Sam or Bobby, specifically because there is a romantic and sexual tone that his feelings for Cas takes, but not because he loves Cas more or less than he loves Sam or Bobby.

Which means, if you haven’t realized it yet, the Series + Fic Titles are meant to be a complete sentence because the power of love IS the thesis of this series:

The Love It Takes To Exist Again (Sam’s journey!)

The Love It Takes To Become a Man (Dean’s journey!)

The Love It Takes To Destroy a Man (TBA)

And now for fun stuff. Behind the scenes!!

What’s Something People Probably Don’t Know?

The demonic fungal/hydrothermal vent growth on Sam’s arm was thrown in literally as I was posting the chapter because I had just finished a 48 hour cram session of writing a report on tube worms for an ecology class (I was chanting my tube worm song as I wrote it) and it ended up being a HUGE hit with both readers and myself. But it was so last minute I had trouble fitting it in more throughout the rest of Sam’s story!

Cas’ orders? That may or may not have bound him to Dean and removed his free will? Were written into Sam’s story and I went ‘oh SHIT that’s compelling’ and then left them there as a ‘guess I’ll figure that out when I get to Dean’s story lol’

Originally Dean and Cas were supposed to get together after having their souls bonded, and have been in a UST limbo the entire time before that. Mostly because I think the entire concept of ‘we just got married of the soul I guess we should try dating?’ is very funny. CLEARLY the two of them were way more eager to fall in love than I anticipated (thank you Cas for your honesty) but you can still see shades of this original idea here and there (especially in ch35 of TBAM)

I never intended Dean and Benny to connect so well!! Benny was going to reunite with Andrea, she was going to live, and they were going to go off into the world and leave the story. And, uh, here we are. I’m still debating if I need to adjust the relationship tag or not haha. Polyamory is fun, especially when I was planning for Sam to be the polyamorous brother...

Speaking of, I can’t believe I forgot about Sam and his sexuality! If I rewrote TEA I would have had Sam contemplate more on his lack of sexual appetite due to trauma, up until he meets Benny and he gets to rediscover how he wants to be a sexual person

Many of Sam and Dean’s absolutely stupid sibling conversations were lifted near-verbatim from conversations I’ve had with my siblings

And lastly...

Dem where’s Kevin????????????? Where is our sweet baby boy????????

He’s SAFE!! He’s in the Hunter pipeline somewhere cause Sam handed him off to Bobby’s people. He and his mom are safe and at some point they probably got rib sigils like SalmonDean did against angels, but for demons. I didn’t have room in this story for him!!! But my baby boy is SAFE and I want to get him back to university because it’s WHAT HE DESERVES!!!!

To that point: god there were/are SO many characters that I just didn’t include in the story so far because I didn’t feel comfortable including them without stalling the story for them. To that point: pretty much everyone who is alive/dead in s8 is that way in this story, except Bobby who gets to live.

[Check Out Part 2 for reader questions!]

#the love it takes series #to exist again fic #to become a man fic #dem speaks

[meepmoopfanfics]

you don’t get a win unless you’re playing the game: Daveed Diggs x Reader: Chapter 5

Chapter 5-Game On 

Daveed Diggs x reader (there’s def smut in this... close your eyes if you’re under 18)

The whole world went silent and time refrained to exist. You heard strong quick footsteps approaching the door in front of you. 

All that was separating you was an inch of barrier. Your heart was beating into your throat. You felt the skin of your face become hot. Your breath became slower as you imagined how hot his breath would feel behind your ear on the soft spot of your neck that drove you wild when it was touched. 

You heard the faint thumping of a bass of a speaker. Then click, click, click. You watched the knob slowly turn and the door opened smoothly. 

There he stood, towering over you, shirtless. His white Calvin Klein briefs teased you, peeking just over the waistband of his Oaklandish grey sweatpants. They sat perfectly under his tights obliques. He wore two gold chains around his neck, laying right above his broad pecs. Those biceps... those forearms... you could only imagine how you wanted him to hold you down and take every bit of you exactly how he wanted. 

He looked you up and down. Reading you, studying you. You noticed his dark pupils somehow dilate. His hair was slightly frizzier than normal, making him even sexier. The scruff of his beard made you squirm. You waited for him to speak. 

“Now what took you so long?” He growled in a deep, gravely tone just above a whisper. You took a few steps in, about a foot away from him, face to face, and he shut the door behind you pinning his hand up against the door, leaving no room for you to move in further. You dropped your bag right beside you without even looking where it landed. 

He handed you an old fashioned he made for you with his other hand and placed one single slow, sensual kiss teasingly on your neck. 

“Y/N,” he whispered, just an inch or so from your left ear, “I need you to know... I don’t like waiting.”

All you could do was part your lips and sigh.

He leaned slightly away from your ear to grab just under your chin to make sure you had direct eye contact. He was peering straight into you. Both of your lips were no more than an inch apart. The tension was making you shake.

“Do you know what happens when you make me wait?”

You couldn’t move. Your senses were shutting down. No thoughts browsed through your once busy brain fumbling through Hamilton choreography. No thoughts of the soreness of your body from rehearsals even remained. This man had complete control over you and he knew it. It was consensual and hot as fuck. 

All you could do was timidly shake your head no very slowly. 

“It’s my turn to make you wait for it.”

Shit. 

He raised his voice. “Until you’re begging. Do you understand?”

He leaned in as if he was going to crash into your lips, but dived straight past them to whisper into your ear. 

“Cheers.” 

He took his moscow mule glass and clinked it right into yours as he smirked, winked, and nodded his head for you to follow. He walked away, revealing his toned back muscles and headed towards the couch 

Your nearly felt like you were going to faint as your knees became weak. You followed him like a puppy. Fuck. So much for you taking control...

He turned up his music louder. The sexy bass of Miguel’s song “Funeral” blasted through his Sonos speakers setting the mood just right. It drove you wild. 

“It’s a little toasty in here, don’t you think, Y/N? Maybe you should take that hoodie off...” Daveed suggested as you took a sip of the delicious old fashioned he crafted for you. 

“You a little eager to see the lavender I see?” You questioned. 

That’s it. You’d had enough. 

You set your drink down, slipped off your shoes, and went to straddle him. Right before you could grind against what you craved, he took his two palms and pushed up against your inner thighs to prevent you from sitting down and pushed you to sit directly to the left of him.

“You a little eager to get you way with me?”

“Ugh...” was all you could muster

“Take your hoodie off. Now.”

You did your best to sexily take it off, biting your lip while throwing it to the side. You felt confident and sexy as you revealed your Aerie lavender bra with lace detailing. Daveed couldn’t help but stare directly at your perfectly perky breasts.

“Now stand in front of me. Turn around, and take off those damn leggings.”

“Oh so you can see this?” You pulled the strings holding together your purple thong out just enough to tease him.

“That’s hella hot...” he responded. 

You slowly bent over directly in front of him, almost as if you were going to give him a strip tease. You slowly bent forward, showcasing your flexibility by leaning forward  on releve to really enhance your calves and hamstrings as you slowly peeled your leggings off. Your ass was on display with your legs crossed. A perfect vision of a peach directly starting back at Daveed. You stepped out of your pants as you looked away for the quickest second. 

Before you knew it, Daveed’s hands gripped forcefully at your waist to pull you directly into his lap, right onto his thick erect cock. A moan instantly left your lips as he reached around to cup your right breast with his right hand and used his left to keep you in place. All you wanted to do was grind against his erection to pleasure yourself, but he made sure this wasn’t an option.

“Is this what you want, Y/N? Think you can take it?” He lightly thrusted his hips into your backside, creating friction right on your opening.

You were beginning to breathe faster. 

“I can take it...I need it...”

“What can you take?” He sarcastically asked.

“I need your cock inside me...”

“Where do you want it, baby?”

He reached around with his left palm to lightly grab your throat as he continued to fondle your right breast. He didn’t put any pressure on your neck to make sure this was within boundaries. 

Dominating and respectful? Hell yeah. You were all in.

“In my... oh fuck.” You hissed as put pressure onto your throat while simultaneously thrusting harder into you. Your neck instantly breaking and leaning back onto him.

“You said you couldn’t wait to get on your knees for me...isn’t that right, Y/N?”

“Yes... yes... Please let me take you in my mouth.”

“Get on your knees.”

You obliged. But as soon as you turned around you had to crash into his lips just once. He moaned into your mouth as he kissed you powerfully. He grabbed the side of your face tenderly and then bit your bottom lip, making you moan as you dropped to your knees. 

“Good girl.”

He slowly pushed his Oaklandish sweatpants down and kicked them out of your way. 

Holy... fuck...

He placed his hands behind his head, looking at you cockily as he watched you stare in awe at his giant bulge under the Calvin Klein briefs

“Like what you see?”

You slid your hands slowly up his thighs. “I’m one fucking lucky lady”

You kissed slowly up his right thigh then passed right over him to suck on his obliques and around his groin.

“Shit...” he hissed as he adjusted in his seat. The thought of driving him to the edge again brought you endless excitement. You noticed he began to perspire slightly, signaling he was getting heated. Daveed’s hands released from behind his head to stroke the side of your face and gently tried to guide your head to where he wanted you to be.

You nudged his hands away. Both of your hands interlaced as you slowly, over top of his briefs, brushed your lips down his shaft. He released a guttural, primal, moan and sent instant pleasure to your core. You released your hands from his and grabbed the waistline of his briefs. You pulled them down to strip him completely naked.

This was something you could’ve only dreamt about. You couldn’t make this shit up. This was quite simply the largest erection you’ve ever encountered. You were slightly timid to begin to finish what you started, but you were up for this challenge. 

He let out the sweetest giggle when he saw your reaction. His million dollar smile filled you with butterflies. He reached behind you before you could touch him to unclasp your bra, baring your chest. 

“God damn, Y/N...” He began touching himself just at the sight of you, stroking slowly while biting his lip.

Quickly, you pushed his hands away to show him his hands were no match for your mouth. You parted your lips to suck just gently, right on his head while making piercing eye contact with him. He pushed your hair behind you ears on one side and gently place his other hand on the back of your head, aiming to push you down further. You popped your lips off of him making a sucking sound.

“Is this what you imagined when you thought of the bullet sucking you dry?” You were in the dirtiest mindset imaginable. You were ready to do anything for this man.

“Mmmm...” was all he could say as he remained watching you with awe.

You began blowing him again, this time deeper, slowly bobbing your head up and down while lightly playing with his balls. You couldn’t quite fit his entire length in your mouth yet, but were close. You released his balls and used your other hand to cover the rest of his shaft to the base of his cock. You twisted as you sucked, giving light pressure to send him into heaven. 

“You’re amazing at that...” was all he could say as he released his head back onto the couch closing his eyes in pure bliss.

You began to speed up, noticing him squirm even more, tensing his quads, trying to reach his peak. You stopped completely causing him to shoot up in his seat.

He stood up and picked you up to standing. He put one hand around the back of your neck and one on the small of your back to forcefully pull you into him. He immediately explored your mouth with his tongue, slowly moving to suck onto your neck... right onto the sweet spot behind your ear. 

“Fuck.” you whispered. You had touched yourself to the thought of just that  many times before this man even know you existed.

He stopped and gripped tighter on the back of your neck as he leaned into your ear, “Turn around.” he ordered. Both of you were a panting mess and the whole control thing began to blur. Both of you were losing control to the other. 

You gladly obliged. He pushed your head down so your ass was up. He lightly spanked you playfully as a light moan left your lips. You didn’t realize you’d be turned on by someone spanking you, but you were into it. 

You turned around, giving him a sexy look. “Harder.”

He nodded and then spanked you again, leaving a light red mark on your right cheek.

“I’m going to fuck the shit out of you, understand?” 

He ripped off your lavender thong. You stepped out of it, revealing how wet you were to him. He couldn’t resist the sight and immediately dropped to his knees behind you. Without warning or hesitation, he grabbed your ass and pulled you into him, licking everything that was dripping down, from your clit to your opening.

Your eyes rolled back into your head and your knees buckled. His hands kept you steady although you were sinking into pure bliss.

“You taste so good...” he said taking a breath before going back to work. You have never been eaten out from this angle before and it was sending shivers down your entire body. You began slightly shaking.

“Oh my god... oh my god... oh my god...” was all you could muster as he explored you with his mouth. He switched between gently sucking on your clit to licking your slit. You were almost to pure ecstasy and your body was not able to hold back. The way his tongue flicked against you was otherworldly. Every time you would moan or attempt to say his name he would moan back sexily. You could feel his humming against you and it drove you wild.

“You’re going to wait to cum until I’m inside you, understand?” He muffled. But you couldn’t understand a single word coming from his mouth.

“Daveed please... Daveed please”

“Please what?”

“Daveed I’m com-” before you could even finish the sentence, your orgasm hit you unlike any one had ever in your entire life. Your legs shook until you fell into the table you were bent over. You swore you just saw stars. Waves and waves of pleasure kept hitting you.

You were coming back to consciousness as Daveed flipped you over on your back on the patterned rug on his floor. He was hovering just over you...

“What did I say?”

You started dazzlingly into his eyes, trying to get your own eyes to focus.

A light mixture between a moan and a sigh came out of your throat, but no answer.

“You're in for it now, Y/N.”

Before you knew it, you were in Daveed’s strong, toned arms. You felt so safe, so cared for, even in the midst of a fuck. You practically melted in his grip. He carried you down the hallway back into his bedroom. He flipped a switch and down came his blackout curtains, only leaving a small amount of sunlight escape from the bottoms of the windows.  You were almost certain he would throw you on the bed, but instead he laid you down, gentler than ever against his cloud like down comforter. You sunk into it with pleasure. 

He crawled directly over top of you. The smidge of sunlight made his chains sparkle as they dangled over you.

“You just had to fire your weapon out there didn’t you, “Y/N?”

Bullet joke. Good one. Points for creativity.

“I couldn’t help myself.” You spread your legs, giving him the green light to enter you. 

He took his cock in his hand, stroked it a few times, and placed it right at your opening. Everything in you wanted to push your hips to fit his full length deep inside you. He dragged it up and down your slit. Driving you crazy.

“Jesus Christ, Diggs, just fuck me already.” You were desperate.

He grabbed his headboard with one arm and behind your backside with the next.

“Are you on birth control?”

You shook your head yes. You were thankful he asked, you weren’t even thinking about a condom, which was completely irrational and... you broke from your racing thoughts to hear him state...

“Well since you asked for it...”

In one, excruciating second, he growled, thrusted forcefully and deep, directly into you, filling you to the brim and then some. Not even a moan, but a scream, escaped your lips.

“God damn you’re so tight...you feel..... amazing...” He pulled out slowly, then forcefully thrusted, multiple times. Slowly exiting and powerfully entering as your walls already started to squeeze around him.

You spread your legs further, showcasing your flexibility. You then snuck both of your legs onto his toned shoulders, making your entrance even tighter for Daveed, to give him maximum pleasure. It was the least you could do since you already came.

“Fuck Y/N, I’m not gonna be able to last long if you stay like that.”

“I don't mind” you responded. The innocence in your eyes drove Daveed wild.

He began speeding up his pace. Every thrust brought you more and more pleasure. They always say sex isn’t this magical in movies and shit, but this was real.

“Ride me.” He said as he flipped you from your back to on top of him, seamlessly. 

You slid down even deeper onto his hard cock and could feel it pulsating inside of you.

“God you’re so fucking hot.” You blurted.

He reached out and fondled your breasts as you began to ride him, grinding onto him. Soon enough he pulled you into a sensual, romantic kiss, running his fingers through your hair. The thrusting stopped. God this was perfect. 

You hovered over him and pulled away, just taking a second to be still with him, looking into his eyes. You felt magic. A spark.

The thrusting from his end began, putting him completely in control.

He then grabbed the base of your hair with his right palm, put it into a fist and lightly pulled while holding you down with his left forearm, embracing you.

“Look at me, Y/N... You’re so goddamn fine. You’re so goddamn gorgeous riding me like that.”

You moaned, rolling your eyes until they closed. Your orgasm slowly building,

“Look at me.” Your eyes shot back open at his mercy.

“You're so fucking sexy” you responded keeping eye contact. 

He thrusted faster and harder, faster and harder, getting sloppier as the pleasure built between the two of you.

“I’m close Daveed... I’m so close” you moaned. He took his hand from out of your hair and put his hand under your chin. His thumb stroked your lips. You lightly sucked on his thumb throwing him over the edge.

“You’re gonna make me fucking cum...” he yelled.

As he felt your walls tighten intensely around his cock, he grunted and began spilling into you. 

“Ah fuck it feels so good...” he grunted as he finished with you on top of him.

You crashed into him, laying like a lump on top of his chest. You felt both of your chests rise and fall in unison, laying there naked, feeling primal and satisfied. You felt so close with him. A connection you never thought was imaginable.

About a minute passed as you caught your breath and planted small, romantic kisses into one another with your eyes closed.

“Wow.” was all you could mutter.

“Shit that was somethin else.” He said as he began playing with his hair. “Okay let’s see... how am I gonna get up?” 

You both giggled as he reached for a tissue on his nightstand. He flipped you over gently as he pulled out. Some of his cum started spilling out of you and he handed you his tissue and reached for a new one.

“You stay there. I’ll be right back. Don't worry about the sheets.” You got a nice view of his tight booty from the dim light as he exited quickly to his bathroom.

You laid there, completely in bliss. You were definitely going to be sore on Monday. The first thing that popped into your mind was... God I hope this wasn’t a one time thing. That was too fucking perfect. Daveed was too fucking perfect. God Daveed was otherworldly...

Oh no.

Fuck.

The thing that you couldn’t believe you’d ever feel again after the heartbreak you experienced after your last relationship. The thing you would have to bury so far down in order to function.

Fuck.

You’ve caught feelings.

@alexander-hamilhoe

@lonelydance

@riiyy

@ohsoverykeri-blog

@braidedchallah

@lizzzaaaaaaaaaaa

@britbrat6501

@roman0ffxnat

#Daveed Diggs x reader #daveed x reader #daveed smut #fanfic

[armorsleevedsinglehit]

the huge shippuden music meta

no one asked for this but i’m gonna write it anyway. i’m going to focus primarily on the shippuden soundtrack here, but expect some references to the original series soundtrack as well. also before i begin i know approximately two (2) music so some of my terminology is probably going to be incorrect lol, it’s been a while since college. this is a general shippuden meta but it does focus on the uchiha clan, in particular sasuke and madara.

anyway, to start off, you can pretty easily divide the shippuden soundtrack into a few general categories:

traditional and/or acoustic

electric guitar tracks

some combination of these, plus orchestra hits aplenty

there are a few odd ducks here and there, but no worries, we’ll get to them. and then within these general categories we have a series of recurring character motifs (which can be a bit muddled, because certain themes are used for multiple characters. i assume that naruto (the show) isn’t necessarily scored the way a film would be, and so the directors just slapped whatever dramatic/sad/upbeat music they could find onto a scene, esp if it’s a filler ep, which definitely generates some confusion.) but characters and groups in shippuden DO sort of get their own motifs and themes, so here is my very basic list of those as well:

uzumaki clan and its descendants/allies: “emergence of talents/hyakkaryōran” has a very cool melody towards the end that comes back in “narukami/weeping god” and “shoryu/rising dragon”. we can basically call this the protagonist theme. naruto, sakura, kakashi, jiraiya, most of the konoha 11, and even minato get to claim this one. however, VERY interestingly, narukami is what plays when tobi (as madara) is telling sasuke about the glory days of the uchiha clan... possibly hinting at greater connections between the two clans???????????

akatsuki-related themes: i won’t link a ton of these because they’re super obvious. they’re often full of choir and organ (harkening back to orochimaru’s original series theme); they also tend to be slower. not always, though; look at crimson flames, a slapper if i ever heard one. prime example of akatsuki themes: girei, my FAVORITE bit of the shippuden soundtrack. UGH.

general shippuden themes: things like hurricane suite, heaven-shaking event, etc. most of the first ost goes in here. this category also contains the closest approximation to hashirama’s theme that i could find, experienced many battles and departure to the front lines, which both make me cry lol

there are other fun little motifs and bits and bobs that appear in this soundtrack that i won’t get into here for length (remind me to talk about the angelic herald of death sometime), but it’s a remarkably cohesive piece of work to the point where it gets repetitive sometimes; why are all the super interesting tracks unreleased!!!!??? anyway the purpose of this meta is to attempt to make sense of the way this soundtrack works. we’ll investigate sasuke primarily because i feel that he really ties the whole soundtrack together, and you can extrapolate a lot from the way his theme evolves.

sasuke’s theme (wandering/hyouhaku), yes the dramatic cowboy music theme, is this wonderfully atmospheric track that makes use of the kind of negative space between guitar strums to build up this aura, this Essence of Sasuke. this alone makes it stand apart from other mostly-acoustic pieces on the soundtrack, to me. the whole thing is just humming with this simmering frustration and melancholy and it really gives you a sense of sasuke as this tortured figure who has been severely wronged and experienced the world’s faults firsthand. notably, this version of sasuke’s theme lifts its opening notes (and structure, sorta) from sasuke’s original series theme, which i assume was on purpose. it shows that he’s grown jaded as he got older, i think.

anyway, as the inevitable battle between sasuke and itachi draws closer, we get our first variation on sasuke’s theme: black spot/kokuten. it has the same melody and structure as before, but features heavier guitars, more orchestration, and, in the final bars, notes that previously fell on 1 and 4 but now fall on 1 and 3, which bring a heightened sense of urgency to the whole thing. and more importantly, it ends without resolving itself? it leaves us hanging on this almost call-and-response bit with one wailing guitar after another, before winding the orchestration down and fizzling back down to the level of “wandering.” here we see a sasuke in progress, if you will, working towards a goal that some may find sinister, but he is determined if nothing else, and the instruments match his fervor. it’s roughly analogous to “crimson flames” in terms of intensity, but it’s very distinctly Sasuke.

there are several more variations of sasuke’s theme floating around, but the next one i want to talk about is this one called “sasuke’s ninja way,” apparently, never officially released but relentlessly employed by the anime directors. it takes a more subtle turn than “black spot,” but i don’t see it as a direct sequel to “wandering” for a few different reasons. i think it represents the dilemma sasuke found himself after finally killing itachi and learning the truth about him: the realization that this whole quest for power of his was never really about revenge on one specific person, but rather about reforming the shinobi world as a whole. it’s slower than “black spot,” yet darker, more ominous; it treads the same general path as “wandering” but with added electric guitar, and, notably, choir. recall that choir is often used for themes related to the akatsuki, which i think ties in neatly with sasuke’s motivations at this point. he, like nagato before him, wants to remake the world.

the final iteration of sasuke’s theme, “sasuke’s revolution/junkyousha,” brings it all together. the akatsuki is commonly represented through choir and organ, and this theme starts out with both of these cranked up to the max. this is (pardon the pun) sasuke’s rebirth, if you will. just combine the intensity of “girei,” the anger of “crimson flames,” and the determination of “emergence of talents” and you’re there. seriously: this culmination of sasuke’s character development basically pulls from every single facet of the soundtrack and produces this MASSIVELY rich piece full of anger and rage and hate and fury, while STILL managing to include the twangy guitar bits from “wandering” (which have gone back to 1 and 4!!). we also have someone going ham on a shamisen towards the end of the track, which calls to mind the shamisen solo from “emergence of talents” and other tracks. hinting at an eventual compromise with naruto, possibly?

anyway, i started out this meta trying to find a piece of the soundtrack that could serve as madara’s theme, but i wasn’t sure that one existed. i think the susano’o has a theme, and the uchiha clan has a theme, but....madara just doesn’t?? sure there are unreleased tracks like “legendary uchiha,” but i’d argue that doesn’t really go into his character as much as it just says “watch out for this fucking guy.”

but then i listened to hurricane suite one more time, and i was like HOLY SHIT THIS IS IT. for one thing, it’s long as fuck: this track is a whole journey. it really gives the impression of someone who has lived an impossibly long life and become jaded and cruel and hardened. i realize that the argument could be made that hurricane suite is sasuke’s theme, not madara’s, or that it’s a general shippuden theme and doesn’t represent one character in particular. and yes, i think both of these interpretations are correct. hurricane suite represents what sasuke could POTENTIALLY turn out to be, given his evolution from “wandering” to “black spot” to “sasuke’s ninja way” all the way to “sasuke’s revolution.” hurricane suite warns us that sasuke can (and very well may!) make the same mistakes madara did and end up destroying himself in the process. (the middle of “hurricane suite” GREATLY resembles “wandering.”) and recall that hurricane suite is used in the very first episode of shippuden: the episode where naruto encounters sasuke for the first time, AND- are you ready for this- when madara’s name is dropped for the first time in the series.

this is why i think that, along with it being a general shippuden theme, hurricane suite is also madara’s theme. shippuden as a whole is practically suffocating under the oppressive weight of madara’s presence, right from the very first episode. even before he’s introduced, he is VERY much there. so much of madara’s character is established before he even shows up. we hear so much about him from other characters (kurama, itachi, obito, hashirama), and as such our view of madara changes drastically over the course of the series. and guess what plays when itachi shows sasuke that genjutsu of madara stealing izuna’s eyes?

anyway, in my opinion and in my interpretation of the character, the music fits him perfectly. it starts out all low and choral with these slow ominous drums and deep strings, and this violin comes in that sounds like it’s weeping. we hear something like a heartbeat that grows darker over time, before the music comes to some sort of resolution, an inflection point, and the brass comes in heavy. NOW we’re dealing with the orchestra, three quarters of the way into the song, and we’ve got strings and drums set to a marching pace, more choral chanting, climbing strings and shamisen tumbling down the scales. it sounds like grief!!

and note that yes, this track is used in the very first episode of shippuden, during naruto and sasuke’s first encounter. but it is ALSO used during the scene in hashirama’s flashback when izuna is mortally wounded and madara makes the decision to abandon the clan on the battlefield to take care of him, despite his better judgment and hashirama’s offering of peace. the inflection point in the music represents a very real inflection point in madara’s life: the loss of his last brother. (it always comes back to that, doesn’t it.)

#meta #madara uchiha #sasuke uchiha #uchiha clan #almost 2000 words churned out in one evening. [stares at fic] [sighs] #long post

[angelsndragons]

Okay, since I see a lot of people either straight up panicking or saying that Caduceus’ playlist is straight up depressing (neither reaction I get)....I’m gonna offer a different reading of the songs here, how does that sound?

Death Bed Salesman - This is straight up about Caduceus’ family and his upbringing. His father even says some of the lyrics almost word for word in ep 96. Growing up surrounded by death and all the rituals created for the living left behind made Caduceus into the person he is. ‘This is how it has to end/So love somebody while you can’ like talk about a thesis statement for Caduceus’ outlook.

How are You Doing - Wow this song is pulling double duty. Caduceus is not a character who likes burdening other people with his own problems, preferring to keep a calm, polite distance between others and his feelings. The style of this song harkens over to Jester, it’s very bubbly and sweet sounding. Of course, this is also one of Jester’s primary issues (someone please tell the clerics they can be people with problems too). Now, if you do what I did and go watch the music video for this song, two things will stick out. One is the increasing ridiculous scenarios the singers find themselves in while going about their day to day lives juxtaposed against their ‘nothing’s wrong, everything’s fine’ lyrics. Two is the fact that these singers come out at the end of the song together, they have triumphed over the madness and nothing stopped them from doing what they wanted and needed to do. This song encapsulates early Caduceus, while he was getting a feel for the Nein and being drowned every other second, ultimately his contributions to the Pirate Arc were fundamental to the group’s success. 

Vegetables - Honestly, this song just reminds me of that early conversation with Fjord in the Sour Nest. Caduceus is cooking omelets and just casually asks Fjord if he could look for veggies down in the torture chamber since it would ‘make a good root cellar.’ Fjord is so caught off guard by this request, and understandably so, he just repeats ‘Roots?’ Caduceus then just lists off root vegetables like Fjord’s an idiot. Oh, Cad. XD Honestly I like that the beat line is being made by vegetable chomping, it just feeds into the ‘Caduceus is a giant magical cow man’ vibes and I love it.

When the World is at Rest - Xhorhaus! In the middle of that street! Xhorhaus! In all seriousness, this song pulls double duty as well. ‘I miss the sun but the moons will do in a pinch’ anyone? The first and most obvious thing this song reminds me of is when the group is given the house and Caduceus asks, ‘are we putting down roots here?’ With the single act of planting that tree on the tower, Caduceus turned the house into the Mighty Nein’s home. Can’t get your deposit back after that, after all XD. I think of how this home in the dark has sheltered and protected the Nein so many times. I think of them befriending Essek and how that wasn’t part of the plan (you know, like Caduceus himself). I think of how their plans to end the war were hatched in darkness, how violated they all felt when one of their own was taken and when another was assassinated under cover of night, because the darkness had come to feel safe to them. I think of how much the Nein has blossomed since this house became their home, since they all had a place to go back to that was theirs. I think of how the Nein has given the world a breather, a chance to rest, all because they returned a beacon and befriended a traitor. 

Wildflowers - So, there are a couple of interpretations of this song. One is setting a lover or loved one free from your own feelings and letting them go. Another is that the singer is trying to find a place to bury a loved one (’that home by and by’ around where I live and grew up is a roundabout reference to heaven). Honestly, both interpretations are apt for Caduceus. He does his best to not burden others with his worries and feelings, he was the one who stayed home, which granted his siblings the freedom they needed to leave, etc. The second interpretation fits Caduceus as well because we know one of his secret hopes is that the Nein will let him tend their bodies and graves when the time comes. And now I’m gonna put on my TeaHaw hat for a goddamn minute bc holy heck, this is such a good song for both of them, Caduceus reminding Fjord that he deserves freedom and his beloved sea again, Fjord teaching Caduceus to follow his heart and embrace new experiences. ‘I have seen no other/Who compares with you’ really fits their complimentary and praise styles with each other. Thank you, Tal.

Never did No Wandering - Don’t have much to add to what Taliesin said about the song. For once. I think of Caduceus’ loneliness in the Grove and his regret that he didn’t leave sooner. I think of how he could only leave in the context of duty, of just how much his duty as a grave cleric to Melora has defined and shaped his understanding of himself. I think of how long it took for him to voice his own desires and wants. I think of how he insists he isn’t wandering, that he is following a pre-ordained path. I think of how much work he still has to do when it comes to knowing what he wants and making peace with getting it just for his own sake. Also, hello more sailors.

When You Get to Ashville - Oof, so this song works both ways for Caduceus, both as the singer and the subject of the song. I think of him, home alone for ten years, wondering what was going on with his family, if they were safe (he knew they weren’t, he knew what it took to keep them from him), how he didn’t actually want to know unless he could help. As the subject, I see his family, having only been away for what was maybe two years for them, looking at the changes in him in awe and confusion. Nothing’s changed for them but boy howdy has Caduceus changed. The homebody has left the nest and saved them all and he very obviously doesn’t want to go home yet if at all. Caduceus has waited so long to get them back and to be a family again yet when the time comes, he can’t bring himself to return, as the singer implies about the subject. He knows his family will be there to catch him if he needs it but I think this episode is where it really hit him that he’d been trying to recreate a past that never could be again because he could never go back to being who he was. 

Fuck it I’m a Flower - Another Caduceus anthem. Upbeat with a few melancholy lyrics. You can take it as the singer divorcing themself from humanity or you can take it as the singer using flowers as a metaphor for their growth into someone who becomes more involved (the singer goes from not marching to taking on other people’s pain from their place of safety to fully embracing the movement to change things while they can). I don’t have any context for this song but it really freaking reminds me of those protest photos where a protester offers a flower to the riot police (fuck the police). Caduceus is blossoming into a man who genuinely cares about the wider world and the people within it. Not just abstractly, which I would argue he did back in the Grove. But being up close to the ordinary folks in the Dynasty, in the Empire, the Coast, has given him a new perspective on not just his place but where he wants to stand. I think of Jester’s conversation with him back in Oh Captain Who’s Captain, the world is much bigger and messier than Caduceus could have ever dreamed. I think of Caduceus befriending and being kind to their crew and Avantika’s. I think of ‘Nott, you went to find help, we’re here to help.’ I think of ‘one day someone will pray for a miracle and that prayer will be answered because you showed up, that’s what this is all about.’ From rescuing Yeza to saving Giants to shattering the chains binding two of his friends to bringing peace to two warring nations to separating justice from vengeance, just look at where he is now: no longer passive or uncertain of how they can contribute to the world, Caduceus and the Nein have brought so much good into it. Caduceus knows where he stands now. Some people say that he’s the Nein’s moral compass and I disagree with that entirely, he’s become the courage to act on their moral compasses. 

Oh Bury Me Not - Okay, so I know this is where some listeners start to get antsy with all the death talk in this song and the ones after it so breathe, it’s fine. Caduceus is a Grave Cleric, y’all. Tal says that this song is an expression of Caduceus’s religious beliefs, which, uh, yeah. There is no stained glass in the Blooming Grove temple, they do all their work outside the traditional structures of religion and civilization and do it gladly, etc. The ending Bury Me Not, okay, guys, Caduceus is the singer here, not the kid being sung about. It really drives home the Wildmother’s philosophy on death: when you’re dead, you’re dead and you have no say over what happens to the corpse left behind. I think of the corpse of the Great Hero and the founding of the Blooming Grove, the Menagerie, and the Kiln. I think of Caduceus’ onscreen death and how through it, he finds his path to the Kiln. I think of him reviving Fjord. I think of him and this island and how much of a perversion it is of the ‘natural order’. Also, just given how much Fjord has impacted has impacted Caduceus’ ideas of faith and signs and stuff, it’s so fitting that this piece is here. I also think cowboys and how Tal said he’d planned on using the Ocean Burial before he came across this, I see you, Tal. 

September Song - So that build up, huh? I think of Caduceus and the Nein readying themselves for a battle to the death to save Yasha and stop Obann. I think of all the close-calls and near misses. I think of how every day, these people choose over and over and over to stay together, in spite of the coming winter, in spite of the obvious danger, in spite how much safer they would all be if they went their separate ways and planted their heads in the sand. I think of how that, their time, is the most precious gift any of them could give the others. This is not a sad thing, by the way. All these people, who have been so badly wounded by others, who are so skittish and so distrustful and so guarded, choose to stay together over and over again. No matter the hardship. They choose to spend their lives together, they choose to be better together and for each other.

22 (Over Soon) - Guys, this is 100% an Episode 95-96 song. 100%, no question in my book. I think of what Caduceus doesn’t say to his family. I think of what he does say. I think of how overwhelmed he is when the Nein saves them, I think of how he can only muster ‘It’s been a long time.’ (All these years) I think of him trying so hard to be given permission to stay with the Nein without explicitly asking for it, the subtext of ‘would you forgive me if I don’t come home yet’ threaded through his every interaction with his family. I think of how Caduceus hands the seeds over to his sister and tells her to be the hero the Grove and their family needs. I think of how easily and willingly he gave up what he’s called his destiny and charge since the beginning in order to stay with the Nein. This is Caduceus saying good-bye once and for all to the dreams of things going back to the way they were. I think Caduceus had been hoping that his family had changed just as much as he had. I think if they had, he might have gone back with them. But they haven’t changed and he has. So he can’t go home. Not yet. He cloaks his desire to stay with the Nein once more in duty but make no mistake, it’s desire that’s keeping him with them, people who may not understand him but who try and who are there and who accept the new person he has become. The build-up Tal was talking about? This is it. The moment where Caduceus first puts himself and his desires above what he thinks is his duty. The moment that Caduceus fully realizes how much he has changed and what an earth-shattering revelation it is.

We’ll Meet Again - Meetings and Partings have always had a special place in Caduceus’ arc, especially metatextually. He was the character who replaced another, who was rescued from his static seclusion by three of the Nein and who in turn rescued the three captive members. I think of how this song is a promise that, come what may, the singer will do their damnedest to return and make that promise a reality. I think of all the weird and wonderful people Caduceus has met in his short time outside the Grove. I think of all the shop keeps who just love this pink fuzzball and how many times they tell him to come back. I think about the Dusts, the meeting and parting and sanctuary they gave him. I think about Reani and Nila and how his kindness to them has come back threefold (Reani escorting his family home, Nila protecting the Grove). I think about Essek. I think about how driven Caduceus became to reforge the sword after Yasha was taken, to bring her home. I think of Caduceus prodding the Gentleman into reconciling with Jester. I think of his delight in the coincidences that keep lining up between him and Fjord. I think about Caduceus and Beau and how proud he is of her growth. I think of his declaration in the dome that ‘We aren’t done until we’ve saved each other.’ 

Enjoy It - And we wrap up our playlist with another Caduceus thesis statement: don’t worry about the things you can’t change, find the goodness and light in all of your experiences. If it’s meant to be easy, it will be and if it’s meant to be hard, it will be hard. You’re the green bean and you can choose to become jaded at the storms or enjoy the water flooding your roots. This song also fits the lightness we’ve seen from Caduceus since sending his family home. His big quest, his reason for leaving home, has been fulfilled (so he thinks, pretty sure Molaesmyr will be calling in the Nein’s near future) so now he can just sit back, relax, and fully enjoy the ride.

TL;DR - Growing up and moving on is hard and painful but it is also triumphant and necessary. Learning to be who you are and to place yourself on your list of priorities is a journey full of quiet work that few rarely glimpse. Caduceus’ whole arc has been about who he is and what he’s going to do with the strong moral compass he’s got - Is he going to continue to live in the world, even with all the pain, struggle, joy, and goodness that comes with it, or is he going to retreat from it, go back to his little patch of green and forget about it? All signs point to the former, not the latter. In tarot, Death means transformation and sweeping change even more than it does literal death. Caduceus’ playlist is all about the transformation of his self even as he remains true to his core beliefs.

#cr spoilers #caduceus clay #caduceus #cr playlist #caduceus playlist #ohmygod what am i doing with myself #this is what happens when i get annoyed #i write thousands of words about a fucking playlist #theyre good songs brent #theyre not depressing just bc they include death metaphors #there is so much love #and light #and beauty #and i really hope this helps others see that #critical role #cr2

[aikrus]

Another Day, Another Life (Tenya Iida x Villain!Reader)

Fandom: Bnha / Mha  Warnings: Angst, amnesia, swearing, weed, coping with death, hallucinations  Words: 3,456 Requested by: No one, but requests are open!  Request/ Description: Casualties are expected in a war, but when a child dies no one is ready. No one knows how to react. The death of a teen can tear people apart, it can rip people into shreds to never be put together again, but is it better or worse if they’re not actually dead?

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          Toga was far from an ideal friend. She was clingy and rude, she talked too much and she cared primarily about herself. She was weird and difficult to get understand, and you never really knew where she stood. She wasn’t perfect, but having her was a blessing in disguise. 

“Y/n, we’re heading out, are you ready?” While she wasn’t perfect, she was pretty close to it. Himiko had a strange way with words, and she could always make the world feel smaller than it was. Her voice was like warm honey on a spoon; hazy caramel color and sweet, perfect for recovery.

“I’m ready, thanks for grabbing me,” Y/n wasn’t close to anyone. It was hard to get attached when the overwhelming threat of having friends ripped away from her grasp constantly loomed over her. She kept her distance, but it was hard not to get sucked into being friends with the blonde.

“Of course!” Her bright smile feels like it should be un-nerving, it holds malice and hatred, it’s the smile of a girl who has been rejected her entire life- but it almost makes others smile back. And so, Y/n’s face was covered with the rare grin; which had become scarce. 

“It really isn’t that big a deal, but Shigarki is getting trigger-happy. We should hurry, I’m pretty sure Dabi will set his hands on fire if we don’t leave soon!” Her voice dripped sugar, and Y/n found herself hurrying. She put her phone into her side pocket, and she secured her outfit. 

The pair walked out of Y/n’s assigned room, and they made their way to the group scattered around the bar. “I thought you all were ready? Let’s get a move on!” Y/n said, there was an unusual lightness to her tone.

The group had started to pass through the given portals Kurogiri had made for them, and one by one they stepped through. In the end, only Dabi and Y/n were left standing with the tall void-like man. 

“Hey,” the gruff man had grabbed a hold of Y/n’s y/s/c arm, and he had lightly pulled it back.

“What’s the deal, Dabi?” She asked, not rudely, but he could tell she didn’t appreciate the physical contact. They were far from close. When Y/n woke up, Dabi could tell something was off about her. Not wrong necessarily, she just had a very unique vibe that he felt was oddly familiar. 

“It’s just...” he sighed and shook his head, “Nevermind. It doesn’t matter.” 

Whatever it was that Dabi was going to tell her obviously didn’t matter that much, so she shook it off and went through the portal. 

“You feel it too, don’t you?” Kurogiri looked him in the eyes with a knowing gleam in his eyes.

Dabi nodded and walked through the portal- it would be cruel to tell her- he decided as soon as he saw her laughing with Toga. She has no memory of it, and she just recently started to act like herself again, why would I ruin that for her?

Amnesia was a tricky situation for anyone to deal with. It was dangerous to the person suffering from it, due to how trusting and gullible they become- but it is significantly worse for those of them who have their memories of the victim intact.

Dabi was one of those lucky people- so is the majority of the other people on the team. They can all think back to at least one memory of the spunky girl they have grown to care for. She was always so strong, yet somehow she was always overshadowed by her over-zealous classmates. Those stars that tried to outshine her magnificence- Dabi could only hope they would burn out soon.

He had been one of the first to meet the girl, and boy was she hard to forget. If her physical appearance didn’t grab his attention- her striking y/e/c eyes and flawless y/h/c hair- her quirk definitely did. 

GateKeeper was a well-known up-and-coming hero and student at UA’s school for future hero’s, she was the receiver of the most interning opportunities, and she was respected by almost everyone. Named after her quirk, GateKeeper- or rather, Y/N, is able to access the gates between different planes. 

She can visit the gates of hell, she can see the holy light of heaven, she can see the Mormon’s different kingdoms and the fields of Aaru. She can walk along the banks of river Styx with those about to be reincarnated. 

She can see spirits or those who have passed, and she can comfort those who have lost love ones. With this power, she has been given the ability to have the power of those who have died where she is standing. She can call on the remaining spirits to help her, and she has the power to reap souls. 

Dabi had spent countless hours thinking about the girl who froze him in place- she showed him his worst fear and didn’t bat an eye. She was fierce and protective of all the other students, she stood in front of them and, with her small undead army of soldiers who could never move on, defended them till her last breath. If only she had died.

The fight hadn't lasted long, the pros took out most of the b-tier criminals, and the students were fighting here and there. With All-might out of the picture, it was anyone's guess how the fight would go.

Who would have thought that a single girl who wipe the floor with them? Ahh yes, in a flash of light she managed to subdue the vast majority of the villains, if only she hadn’t lost consciousness- then maybe she wouldn’t have been snatched away so easily. 

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It was hard to believe that Iida would skip school. For the first handful of days after the attack, he dragged himself to his classes- half-conscious and unwilling to be aware of his surroundings.

Eventually having to push himself to get out of his bed- let alone go to school- grew too much for him. He settled with walking to the canteen when everyone else was out to get food before going back to his room. 

He was never one for dramatics, but Iida knew there was nothing he could do. He had failed her, the love of his life slipped through his fingers- never to be seen again.

Day after day he listened to a voicemail left months before the incident- he was never happier for his phone to be dead than when he knew he could hear her talk to him again. 

And while Iida had his outlet for his sadness, his classmates were going more and more concerned with every passing minute. 

Midoriya would double take when he heard her voice through his wall, and, silently, he would press his ear against it just so he could make-believe she was still with them.

“Hey, Tenya! I guess you’re busy huh? Haha! It’s so weird to talk to your voicemail- I’ve never had to before. Well, I miss you! Remember that just because it’s Christmas and I’m not with you doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to celebrate with your other friends!

I just want to remind you how much I love you! You are such a great boyfriend, and I’m glad that you’re mine. I was planing on FaceTiming you while we have Christmas dinner, but since I can’t I guess this will have to do~

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening?

In the lane, snow is glistening

A beautiful sight

We're happy tonight

Walking in a winter wonderland

Gone away is the bluebird

Here to stay is a new bird

To sing a love song

While we stroll along

Walking in a winter wonderland

In the meadow, we can build a snowman

We'll pretend that he is Parson Brown

He'll say, are you married?

We'll say, no man

But you can do the job when you're in town

Later on, we'll conspire

As we dream by the fire

To face unafraid

The plans that we've made,

Walking in a winter wonderland”

She cleared her throat and laughed a little, “That was really awkward, but I hope you’ll accept my mini Christmas gift! I’ll wait to open the one you got me until I’m with you again. I love you Tenya, merry Christmas!”

Once again, the shrill ring of an ended voicemail echoed through his room. Wiping away a stray tear- Iida sat down at his desk.

Everything had been going so perfect, everything was going exactly to plan. His brother had been in recovery, they had been going smoothly, classes had finally declared winter-break, and then... everything fell apart. The storm had been brewing, and brewing, and then it came- and then it destroyed everything in its wake. 

It’s hard to accept a loss that you didn’t see happen. He didn’t get the goodbye, or the I’ll never let go. There was no body to hold on to, no one in the casket which was lowered to the ground. Nothing to show that his lover was gone- only the empty dorm room and phone number that gave no answer. 

The school had opened it’s doors during winter break for all the students and parents to come. Some of her closest friends only ever saw her in the hallow walls of UA, and now they didn’t have the chance to see her anywhere else.

There was really no good way to deal with it. ‘It’. Iida despised that word now- ‘it’ was the only way people described the death of his girlfriend. As if death was a taboo word, ‘it’ was all people talked about and yet their words meant nothing. 

Tenya was doing his best- fighting every single fucking day at a time. He hated what he had turned into. He hated the state of being that he devolved to be. Every trait she adored about her boyfriend diapered.  Failing to go to class and snapping at those that came close enough to bother him. He had always gotten cold when faced with misery, resolved and retreated in himself- he had never seen himself as someone who would take up smoking to feel better.

Weed always seemed so far beneath him, it felt like something nothings did to feel better about themselves instead of working hard at bettering themselves, but now even Denki wasn’t eager to help him. Last time he visited the blonds room Kaminari rejected him, saying that he wasn’t getting high in the right way and that he was worried Iida would become a drug abuser with how things were turning up. 

Tenya hated himself more that night. He hated himself and he hated everyone else. He hated Uraraka, who coped with baking Y/n’s favorite cookies and eating them to the movie they would watch during their own girl’s night. 

He hated Momo too, she still got straight A’s and seemed to be just fine- pretending like we didn’t hear her obnoxious sobs at two am. He hated Mina too- she had no place wearing Y/n’s hoodie to school everyday. It was a shitty thing to do. 

He’s pissed at Deku as well- Midoriya the hypocrite. Knocks on his door every day with his missed classwork and with his judgement, pressuring him to leave his room. Everyone knows his grade’s have gone down since her death so who is he to talk about attending class. 

He hates Bakugo, who only ever yelled at her even when she joked around with him- who’s words she laughed at but really made her drown in her insecurities when she was suppose to be secure in her boyfriends arms. Fuck Bakugo, for glaring at her empty seat next to him like he didn’t openly mock her when she got a grade lower than him. Fuck him for screaming at 3am and breaking the school punching bags. Fuck him for feeling bad after hurting her. Fuck him for being her friend. Fuck him for giving a shit. Fuck everyone.

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Aizawa sighed once he sat at his desk. Classes would start in half and hour and he was still crying. His silent tears burned down his cheek and all he could fell was the raw aching in his throat and the headache that felt like it was killing him slowly. 

He saw it then. In that classroom starring at her desk, he can see it happening. 

The cold breeze had moved his hair into his face, giving the villain a second outside of his hold. One second- yet it was long enough for him to disappear into the ground. 

“Dammit,” he hissed, looking around him. 

He heared Mic’s screech at a crowed of them on his left, and the majority of his students stood tall on his right. Everything was chaotic, but a Nomu appeared from the forest line everything exploded. 

He felt a familiar chill crawl over his skin, signifying Y/n using one of her ultimate moves ‘Fallen Heros’. AS what looked like hundreds of dead warriors of different generation’s rose from the ground- some in modern military uniform and others in ancient armor- and surrounded the giant Nomu. 

More appeared- in uniquely them outfits. They were the dead pro-heroes, the ones who passed during a fight they’ll never get to finish. The ones who either dine at Valhalla or will never be at peace after failing. 

A woman with black hair flew as she fought- with more ease than the others that were in spirit form. It was safe to assume that this was her quirk. The other that sent momentary shock waves through the gathering was Sir Nighteye, who waisited no time wiping out the waves of villains. 

Aizawa took notice of Y/n’s body floating in mid-air. The cost of her quirk- she had to keep note of all those she called upon. If one of the fallen are out of her sight for too long her body replicates what the dead’s went through, and she would eventually die from the injury. 

The dead soldiers ended the battle very suddenly, and, as their spirits returned to the afterlife, a large explosion of dust swallowed the crowed. 

Once they could all see, and the hectic environment calmed, Iida’s voice cut through the air. He was screaming as loud as he could, frantically running around the field of people. 

“Y/n!” He had shouted, his voice becoming horse. “Y/n!” Everyone became deathly pale and still as the horror of realization came upon them. She was gone. 

“Y/l/n?” Aizawa had shouted, starting the shove peoples shoulders to get to where she was. 

“Y/l/n now is NOT the time to play games!” He had hopefully prayed. His face fell along with his voice as he made it to where she had been floating. A scorched square of land had taken her place. 

His mind tried to go back and see the rose dead she had summoned, he looked frantically for a scorched soldiers face, but he couldn't find one. Even then it wasn’t hard to guess at what had happened.

No one near her had heard her screams, but with the noise coming from everyone in the dust storm, it would be unlikely that they would have been heard whether she screamed or not. 

He was right there. He saw her. He was less than three yards away. How did he let this happen?

He remembers looking around for a corpse of a soldier, but he wondered if, with Y/n dead, they would be able to live anyway. 

He pinched the bridge of his noes, wiping away the pools of tears from his stinging eyes. Rubbing them with his palm, his vision blurs when he looks up. Yet, even with the lines blurring, what he sees is unmistakable.

“Y/n?” He asked, seeing her figure sit on the top of her desk. 

“Calling a student by their first name,” she teased lightly, “how unprofessional,”

“Are you...” he stopped and starred at her, “Are you really here? Is this a part of your quirk?” 

“C’mon Eraserhead, like I would know. If you’re right then you’re right. If you’re wrong then I’m just a fixation of your brain and I wouldn’t know it,” She tried to reason, hopping off of her desk. 

“Damn... you’re right. I’m going batshit crazy,” he sighed, closing his eyes again.

“So,” Y/n smirked, walking up to his desk and bending over, placing her hands on her locked knees, “Wanna talk about why you’re fantasizing about your dead, female, super fucking hot, student?”

He groaned out annoyed and clawed at his eyes, “Why the fuck is that happening? I hate that, I hate this, cut this shit out!” He shouted, pushing his hand into his covered corneas. 

“What shit out?” Hizashi asked, stepping into his classroom.

“Nothing Mic, just overthinking,” he responded, slamming his eyes open looking for his student. 

“Alright Shouta, just remember that I’m across the hall if you ever need to talk,” 

Sighing once he noticed Y/n had vanished, he wondered if this was confirmation that he was hallucinating. Needless to say, Y/n definitely responded to her situation exactly how he would expect her to when she figured out her action’s had no consequence- like a little shit who needs to be put into detention. 

God, even thinking that last sentence made Aizawa feel dirty. He’ll definitely need to scrub his skin red after that. 

---------------------------------------

Breakfasts in the mornings have changed a lot since school opened back up. Y/n was always made a plate of food and a drink every morning, it varied in who made it every couple days. No one vocalized what the food at her usual spot on the couch meant, but it was an unspoken rule that it would stay undisturbed. 

No one was entirely sure who cleaned it up when they were in class. They were pretty sure it wasn’t Iida, the seat was clear even when he was in class with them. 

Everyone missed her voice in the mornings. Whether she was complaining about late nights (to which Denki or Mina would yell get some in her direction after) or she was cracking jokes to help wake everyone up, her voice still rung in the air leaving a hole of silence where it once was. 

People’s sentences often drifted off half way through as their eyes caught themselves on her corner seat, where she once curled up into half a ball as she placed her plate of breakfast on top of a throw pillow. 

As people would shuffle off to class, everyone would throw a look over their shoulder and give a moment of their time to the friend they would never get to see again. 

---------------------------------------------

Taking one more look at the lock-screen of a phone she couldn’t unlock, she wondered who it was on her screen. A boy with strikingly unique features had white ice cream smeared from his noes down to his lips, and a small smirk was percent on his face. Lights from a Ferris Wheel and fairy lights lit up the dark night sky behind him, and what looked like her knuckles were in front of the camera, showing their interlocked fingers. 

It was a cute photo, but it was so foreign to her it made Y/n wonder if the phone was even hers. She sighed after staring at the keypad, asking for her password. The face id had been disabled after it shut off, and all she could do was hope she would remember what is was.

“You okay?” Toga asked, placing a hand on Y/n’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she responded, taking in the forest clearing Toga had taken her off to, splitting off from the rest of the group. “What are we doing here Himiko?”

“The other members want to know how much control you still have over your quirk. They thought I would be the best person for you t be around when we do this,” She explained, a soft smile on her face as she explained. 

“Huh,” Y/n had a few thoughts running around in her mind, “Shigiraki didn’t want you to tell me did he?”

“Yeah, how’d you know?” She teased, a wide smile on her face.

“I dunno... it felt like someone whispered it in my ear, if that makes sense?” 

“Who knows, that could be one of the parts of your quirk,”

“What exactly is my quirk?” She asked, glaring at one of the birds near them who had grown to be too loud. 

“It’s kinda hard to explain. The easiest way that I know how to explain it is that you’ve got a strong connection to the dead. You can talk to them, visit them I think, and most importantly you can summon them to fight for you,”

“Fight for me?” Y/n echoed. She wasn’t quiet sure why, but that phrasing felt weird... it almost felt off... 

“Yup!” Himiko cheered, bouncing slightly. 

“Alright,” Y/n sighed, shaking her arms, “Let’s give this shit a try,” she declared, moving her arms slowly from beneath her hips, struggling to get them above her waist.

In front of her, a muddy figure rose from the ground, it’s shoulders cracking as it took a deep breath of clean, fresh, air.

#Bnha #bnha x reader #mha #mha x reader #iida tenya #Tenya iida #iida tenya x reader #tenya iida x reader #Tenya x reader #Iida x reader #Tenya Iida x Villain Reader #Bnha villain reader #bnha villian reader #tenya iida x villian reader #Bnha angst #angst #death #bnha death #boku no hero academia #boku no academia #my hero academia #my hero #iida x reader

[sunflowers-rae]

Pray - Katsuki Bakugo

The first in a possible song inspired series called Stage Fright

Inspired by the song Pray by Xana

Warnings: a little swearing and a lot of dirty dancing

Characters are all aged 18+

1,683 Words

The common room was busy this Friday night as everyone from class 1-A got set up for the small party they were having. You were busy putting snacks in serving bowls when Mina popped up beside you.

 “Y/n!” she giggled excitedly, taking the bowl from your hands. “Denki and Sero are almost done setting up the Karaoke machine! Are you planning on doing a song?” Everyone in the area turned their heads to you in curiosity.

“Yeah, y/n!” Izuku piped up from across the island, “We’ve known you for years and I don’t think any of us have heard you sing before!”

You smile sheepishly, cheeks turning a light pink. “Well, I have pretty bad stage fright, so I never really sing in front of people.” You glance across the room and meet a pair of bright red eyes staring right at you. “I don’t think I would do too well up there…” you trailed off, tearing your eyes away from the blonde.

Kirishima came up on your other side and placed a hand on your shoulder. “Ya know, Bakubro has a thing for people who face their fears.” He smirked when he said it, seeing your face flush red.

Everyone in the class knew about your not-so-subtle crush on Katsuki after Hagakure had accidentally yelled it out when you told her. No one could figure out what you saw in him. You were sweet and innocent, always happy and smiling. Bakugo was, well, Bakugo.

“You know what, I think I will sing something.” You said, shooting a hard glare at the boy who was still staring at you. “Mina, why don’t you come help me pick out an outfit?”

~~~

The party was in full swing and you found yourself sitting around the makeshift stage with your classmates. Denki and Mina were singing their hearts out to some song they found on Tiktok that was definitely not meant to be a duet, both doing the dance that goes with it when the chorus comes. 

“Who’s up next?” Shoji’s voice suddenly coming from your left made you jump.

Jiro laughed slightly, “y/n is up next, then Izuku, then Momo after him!” You settled back into your seat, adjusting your outfit. The song was almost over and you were starting to get nervous again, considering skipping your turn all together.

“Y/n is singing? In front of people? This y/n? The y/n that won’t even hum if she thinks we can hear her?” Sato’s teasing tone distracted you from your worry and you stood up, hip checking him with a smile.

“Hey!” You grin, feeling his arm wrap around your shoulder. “Just because I haven’t done it before, doesn’t mean I can’t!” Playfully batting his arm off of you, you stick your tongue out at him. Before he can respond, the music dies down, signaling the end of The Electric Duo’s performance. “Ah shit.” You groan, head rolling forwards.

The snippy voice you knew all too well snapped you back to reality. “Tch, you won’t do it. You know you won’t do it. We all know you won’t do it! Why don’t you just back out now before you make yourself look stupid, Angel.” Katsuki’s teasing nickname for you sounding more venomous than usual. He started calling you Angel the first week of school when you were assigned to the villain team for the practice battles. You did not do well at being bad and he often picked on you for being sweet and innocent.

“Oh fuck off, Kacchan.” You bit back at him, flipping him off. “You clearly don’t know me as well as you think.” You spun on your heel and took the mic from Mina, climbing onto the stage. Your heart was racing when you gave Jiro a thumbs up. She mirrored your action and the music began.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, singing the first verse with your eyes still closed.

Tell me what’d you get yourself into

It’s not like I’m gonna stay with you

The demons in my head

I bring ‘em all to bed

Tuck ‘em in the sheets

Let ‘em dance ‘tween our feet

The room was completely silent, everyone staring wide eyed at you. No one had expected you to make it this far, let alone for that voice to come out of you. Even Mina, who had listened to you quietly practice in your dorm room was shocked to hear you sound so confident.

You opened your eyes, drinking in the astonished faces of your classmates. You weren’t a bad singer. In fact, you were a very good singer! You were just nervous about singing in front of people.

Baby’s all dressed up in white

Crazy girl knows what I like

You found Katsuki’s gaze and held it, singing the next lines right to him.

Lover haven’t you heard

The Devil was an angel first

His eyes grew impossibly wider when you smirked at him, feeling yourself fill with confidence. You loosened up and walked over to the microphone stand, placing the mic in the holder. You sang out the chorus as Mina and Denki started cheering from the couch where they were sitting. Your eyes scanned the room to find every single person watching you with interest as you sang.

Seeing Katsuki staring at you open mouthed gave you a wonderful idea. You pointed to Sero and motioned for him to join you on the stage. His face lit up when he realized what you were plotting. He hopped up on the stage as you took the microphone back into your hands. You pulled him against you by his collar with one hand and the two of you danced against each other for the entire second verse.

Red lipstick, hot on my kiss

Thinking that you got this

Honey, you don’t know what’s comin’ for ya

There’s a fire in my ribs

You feel it when we kiss

It’s something dangerous

You broke away from him and he moved behind you, placing his hands on your hips as you looked dead at Katsuki with a look that could kill.

Now I’m thinking maybe we should ditch this

I know with me, you’ll get a little bit addicted

Your hand reaches down to tug on the hem of your little white dress as you swayed against Sero, still keeping eye contact with Katsuki.

Sugar’s pulling up her skirt

The Devil was an angel first

Half of the class was still staring at you while you sang the chorus, the other half looking between Bakugo and Sero. Mina and Denki were absolutely losing their minds seeing you like this. The two of them knew that you had it in you, but neither of them expected to see it come out in front of anyone but them. The fact that you were absolutely killing it on stage and making Bakugo noticeably flustered was causing them to go nuts cheering you on.

And I could be good

I know that I should

But heaven closed the gates on me

Sero moves so that his arms are wrapped against you, holding you to him as he continues dancing against you,

Golden to the touch

You miss me so much

But heaven closed the gates on me

On me

Heaven closed the gates on me

You unwrap yourself from Sero’s hold and push him back, causing him to hop back off of the stage. With a smirk, you belt the rest of the song, head thrown back, losing yourself in the music,

And when she lays down to pray at night

She’ll be screaming my name

Katsuki could barely contain his disbelief when he heard that line come out of your mouth. He wanted to kill Sero for getting to dance with you in that manner while you were in this state. Never before did he think that he would be so enamored by the class Angel. He definitely didn’t think he would ever find himself thinking about all of the dirty things he wanted to do to you.

She’ll be screaming my name

Mm mm m mm 

As the song finished, your eyes fell closed and Mina came flying towards the stage to engulf you in a hug. The rest of the class slowly followed her lead when the shock started wearing off.

“Holy shit, y/n! That was insane!” Hagakure yelled.

“Of all the things you could have done, I was not expecting that!” Ojiro said with his hand on his neck.

“I’m very impressed, you have very good control,” Shoto said, straight faced as always.

You smiled, face growing hot from all of the attention. “Thanks everyone, could you please let me go? I’d like to get a glass of water…” Everyone broke off and went back to where they were before as Izuku was ranting to Jiro about how he wasn’t sure he wanted to follow your act.

When you finally made your way to the kitchen, you grabbed a plastic cup from the counter and filled it with water from the sink. You turned around and leaned against the counter, holding it with your free hand.

“What the fuck was that?” You choked a bit when you heard the voice. No one else was in the kitchen when you had entered and you didn’t realize someone had followed.

“What do you mean? You didn’t think I would do it, so I did.”

Katsuki let out a dramatic sigh and moved to stand directly in front of you. “I don’t care about that! Why would you pull Tape Face up with you? Why would you sing a song like that in front of everyone?” He grabbed your arms and pulled you against him. “This outfit isn’t you,” he breathed. “None of this is the Angel I know.” His tone was accusatory and angry, but you could hear the confusion behind the words.

“Maybe that’s because you never took the time to get to know me.”

His gaze softened as he looked you over. “How about we change that?”

#should I do more of these? #this is my first ever fic #katsuki bakugo #katsuki bakugo x y/n #katsuki bakugo x reader

[my-fanfic-library]

Something Different {BBC Dracula x Reader} [20]

Masterlist

A/N: I write this as I sit in bed, knowing full well that I should be on the bus right now on my way to my lecture, but that doesn’t matter. Thank you all for your help last night, it truly did help me calm down a lot. Also I’d like to apologise for clearly being over dramatic (but God has punished me because I am actually a little ill now Oof). Anywho, enjoy the chapter and enjoy the gif of Claes which may or may not suggest acts that you shall do to Dracula which most definitley would not be in line with the current traffic laws

Oh, also a warning - there’s quite a few sexual references in this one and also an almost handjob.

~^*^~

Now, while Dracula was the most sophisticated, high maintenance, gentlemanly gentleman that you had ever had the pleasure of meeting, he definitely had some weird quirks. For one, he truly enjoyed showers and baths. He didn’t need them, considering his body didn’t sweat and nor did he reek of death (only to the human nose, apparently - dogs could smell him from miles off). He said that he simply liked the convenience of it. One of humanities greatest inventions, he had proclaimed.

Currently, you were indulging in his most recent quirk. Back pressed against the door of the bathroom, you could hear the shower running and another sound. Music. What you originally would have expected to be beautiful classics like Gymnopedie No. 1, maybe Clair De Lune or something along those lines, was actually...

Lil Nas X’s Old Town Road.

You were in hysterics. Your stomach had knotted with the force of your (almost) silent laughter, tears were threatening the corner of your eyes and your jaw ached. You didn’t have any idea just how Dracula had found it, or why he liked it so very much as to put it on repeat, but listening to him hum along the tune was spiralling you down into painful bouts of laughter every second that you heard it and continued to think about the bizarreness of the entire ordeal.

Maybe you should have laughed a little further away, since a certain male had heard the laughter that you had genuinely tried to conceal. He wanted to catch you off guard for being so inconsiderate to both his wishes to bathe and his music choices.

Back still pressed firmly against the door, you had to lean further into it just to support yourself and when whoosh. Down you went as steam billowed out and onto your back you went. It was Dracula’s turn to laugh now. You scowled, laugh immediately disappearing from your features as you pushed yourself up to look at him. Regret hit you. In just a towel, secured to his waist by his hand, he loomed over you as he continued to chuckle. His other arm extended over your head, holding the door open and holy shit, you didn’t realise the expanse of the muscle he had. Beads of water rolled down his skin, a thin layer of heat steaming off of him, as if to physically scream ‘look at how how I am!’ And you chocked on air. His hair all wet and falling into his face, his chest puffed out as his laughter continued. Dear heavens above, you should have stayed in the bedroom and far, far away from him when he looked like this.

Which one of you was the cannibal again? You couldn’t remember.

“Do you no longer find my taste in music amusing, or is there something suddenly bothering you?” He teased, eyes looking over your form. All that you wore was one of his much too oversized shirts. You had told him that you enjoyed to sleep in it because it was comfortably, but the truth was that it swallowed you with his scent and you loved it. You hadn’t even realised that the music was no longer playing.

“I-“ you were lost for words, gawking at him.

“Oh, you see something you like?”

“No- I- you know what, I think I’m gonna just got for a quick jog to, uh, I don’t know- Scotland. Yes, Scotland.”

“Darling, you would never make it out of this room. I wouldn’t let you.”

“Drac,” you huffed, “please stop doing things that make me feel a burning need to mock you because I don’t like your cockiness when you get me back.”

“Well, how is it fair that you get to have your way with me, but I can’t?”

“Dracula you had your way with me before you,” for the last word of your sentence, you brought up your fingers to use as air quotes, “died.”

“And I hadn’t even started.” He smirked, “now, is there something that you wanted?”

“No, you can return to your shower. Maybe try a different song, though, Old Town Road gets old fast.”

“I think I have an even better idea.” His hand that held the door fell and hooked around your waist, pulling you into the room. You gently yelped in surprise as he pulled your chest flush to his. You could feel the water soaking the shirt immediately and you tried to wiggle your way out of his grasp. The door shut behind you, “stop moving or I’ll drop the towel.” You froze.

“Oh, c‘ mon Drac, Barefoot Contessa was about to start.” You pouted.

“You were very clearly more interested in me than in the television. Now, as you can see, I’ve left the water running.”

“Good for you. Your water bill will be high this month.” You retorted.

“Care to join me?”

“Hah, no.”

He dipped his head down to your mark, which had scarred over nicely. Pushing the hair away from that side of your neck, he pressed a kiss. You shuddered, balling your hands into fists. He wasn’t about to win. You couldn’t afford to let him win again. He pressed a second kiss against it, and when you still showed signs of resilience, his tongue flicked out. Sweet Jesus. A blissful and intense tingle spread through your shoulders and down your back. Your knees buckled and you pressed your hands to his firm chest to keep yourself upright.

“Much better.” He hummed, “have I persuaded you, yet?”

“No.” You breathed.

His mouth began to work against your neck, kisses here and there, his tongue occasionally trailing a quick stripe across your skin. If just his kisses like this drove you haywire, what the fuck would you do in much more intimate circumstances? It became apparent quickly that you wouldn’t be able to stand much more of this abuse and-

“Okay fine! But no funny business. We are meant to be going out today.”

“I won’t promise to keep my hands to myself, but I’ll definitely obey your command, my darling.”

You watched him as he used his fingers to bind the towel to his body. The room was filling with steam once more and you were choking on the humidity. Mostly. His eyes glossed over you, a sheen of something over them. His fingers trailed from your waist, down your hips and to the hem of his your shirt.

“How about we dispose of this for the time being?” His tongue flicked out to wet his lips. Your heart thundered in your chest. This man. He’d certainly be the death of you - figuratively or quite literally, you weren’t sure.

“Alright.” You whispered. Your eyes locked with his and with a slow, yet swift movement, he pulled the material up and over your head. It landed somewhere but he was otherwise occupied now, looking your body over once more.

“You didn’t even wear underwear to bed?” He raised his eyebrow, “my goodness. You minx.”

“What can I say?” You shrugged, “it’s much more freeing.”

He chuckled deeply. A pink tint adorned your face and he knew that you were a little embarrassed to be so bare before him. He hadn’t realised up until this moment when his eyes scanned you that he’d accidentally left a pink blossom on your neck which was beginning to bloom purple. A wicked and smug smile crossed his lips.

“Go and get in,” he whispered the command and you did so, not without trailing your fingers against his torso as you moved past him. He turned, enchanted, taking in the back angles of your body. You truly were a goddess. There was no other explanation that was feasible.

His eyes became greedy, watching the way the glass began to steam once more as hot beads of water began to cascade over you. You sighed at the feeling. Ducking your head under the jet of water, your hair became wet immediately. When you threw your head back with a gasp, Dracula very almost lost all control. The way your hair stuck to you perfectly, strands accentuating the curves of your upper body, water streaming from the ends and washing over every single curve of you.

Your cheeks were now red from the heat of the water and you were tugged backwards suddenly by his hands. Your back became flush with his chest and his lips came down to attack your shoulders. His hands ran against your skin, careful not to touch anywhere he’d know you’d like a little too much. How had he ended up this lucky?

“I didn’t even need a shower today. I had one last night.” You grumbled, but you were savouring his touch.

“You’re keeping me company.” He hummed against your skin.

You turned in his arms, wrapping your own firmly around his neck so that you could stand on your toes with support. You were a little closer his height now. His hands trailed along your back, feeling every inch of skin yet he remained adamant to not touch you where you were beginning to crave it most.

“Maybe I didn’t want to.” You began to press kisses to his collarbones.

“Maybe I didn’t want you to, either, yet here we are.”

He drove you backwards and your back hit the wall, behind where the water was coming from the shower head. The wall was freezing and eased your body where the heat was making it uncomfortably hot. You lowly groaned at the sensation and Dracula began his kisses on your neck, your shoulders, and the first few inches of your chest. Your fingers knitted into his hair, your lips parted slightly and shit, a familiar warmth spread to your gut.

“Drac,” you gasped and he stopped, pressing his body into yours. What kind of game was he playing?

“Yes, [First]?”

“You know, we could totally just...” you trailed off, hoping he’d be able to finish your sentence himself. You bit your lip, anticipating his response.

“Well, we aren’t.” He chuckled lightly, “wasn’t it you that just said no funny business? Look at you now, practically begging for me.”

“You’re the one who started this.” You pouted.

“Actually, you are. Had you not been outside of the bathroom at all, I never would have felt the desire to have you join me. But if you’re going to get greedy and expect more than I’m willing to offer, then I suggest that you go and get yourself ready for our outing.”

“Alright.” You almost pushed past him, stomping out of the shower and plucking up the shirt at you neared the door. If he was going to play games with you, you would finish it. Even if that meant by yourself.

“Oh, and [First],” he called and you snapped your head around to look at him sharply, he was grinning, “don’t do anything that you would prefer me to do. I will know, and there will be consequences.”

~^*^~

An hour later and you were finally ready to leave. You had eaten, and gotten yourself dried and dressed. Due to the intense August heat, you had opted for a sundress that showed off the bottom halves of your legs and exposed your arms and your chest and your back. Dracula liked it very much, but he had put up a fight about you wearing it outside where other men could so freely look at you.

One thing that had genuinely shocked you was Dracula’s newest addition to his résumé - driving. He had surprised you approximately a week ago by picking you up from the gym in a shiny, brand new Jag. Apparently he had felt the need to learn this skill to fit in a little more and to make his way to you when he found out you had gone northward without the papers reporting on a large black beastly hound walking the length of the M1.

He couldn’t have looked more bougie if he tried. His suit, a little more causally worn than usual with the first two buttons undone and exposing his chest just a little, the suit jacket right over the top and open to show no waitcoat like usual. He had opted for some glasses today and had your mouth been open, you’d be drooling all over the centre console.

“Stop looking at me like that, I’m finding it hard to concentrate.” He stated lowly.

“Don’t look so fucking good them.” You crossed your arms and looked ahead instead at the streets of London rushing by.

“I can’t help it. It’s my thing.” You scoffed at his words.

“It is not your thing, you do it on purpose.” You huffed at him.

“I’ve been caught.”

“... why don’t we just pull over for like ten minutes?”

“[First], I am not pulling over.” He told you, “get a grip of yourself, woman.”

He laughed. He was not getting away with toying with you all morning. He had made it his mission when you had woken up to ignite every inch of your skin with his touch, he had hovered his lips over yours, he had done everything in his power to make you feel weak in the knees and you had finally had enough.

Reaching over, your hand came to rest right between his legs and his laughter faded with a soft “ah,” and he couldn’t help the smallest moan that left his lips. His head automatically threw back and he had to will himself to keep his eyes on the road. He spoke your name dangerously. It was a warning to stop. He’d had his fun, it was your turn. You began to slowly and tantalisingly move your hand along his length. He drew in a breath. It had been a very long time since this had occurred and the sudden recollection of the feeling drove him so quickly to the edge of insanity that he thought he would crash the car. A shaky breath left his lips, his eyes fluttered shut and he sucked in his bottom lip between his teeth.

Your smirked proudly. Who knew vampires still worked anatomically? And could still feel the pleasure?

Well, you learnt something new everyday. This was your TIL.

A fire began to burn in the pit of his stomach and he couldn’t concentrate on anything except for the feeling of your hand. He genuinely wanted to cry. Eyes flickering to the rear view mirror, he made sure that there wasn’t a car behind him and slammed on the breaks. Your body became restrained against the seat belt and you knew to take your hand away.

“Do you have a death wish?” He growled, turning to face you. Fuck, how did anger make him even more attractive than to begin with?

“Well, my boyfriend once told me that his dick would kill me, so yes, yes I do.” His face softened. You had never called each other official names yet. It just hadn’t been discussed.

“Your boyfriend?”

“Yeah, I know. He’s a right catch. The only problem with him is that he’s spent all morning riling me up and I’ve had nothing to show for it.” You dramatically sighed.

“He sounds like an arsehole.” Dracula mused, playing along.

“He really is. I still love him, though.”

Before Dracula could lean over and crash his lips to yours like he wanted to, a car behind him honked and he was forced to simply smile and gloat over the fact that you had finally confessed that you loved him, too.

~^*^~

The first half of your outing went swimmingly well. Dracula was all smitten, insistent on holding your hand as you wandered around the shops just looking at everything. You were pulling him around like an excitable puppy, into every store to show off some of the greatest things humanity had created since the 1800s.

When it came to around lunchtime, Dracula inquired into your current hunger status, and you had denied his offer to eat. You hadn’t been shopping in so long and you always found it fun to just see what things were on sale.

It was, however, in the midst of the lunchtime slump as most people made their way to the food court that the worst was destined to happen. His voice had called out to you, as Dracula had his back turned towards you. It didn’t look as though you were together considering the space and the fact that you were looking away from each other. Your head snapped over.

“Hey, what’s a pretty thing like you being out alone? Wouldn’t you prefer some company?” You clutched your bag and you heard the click of Dracula’s shoes as he turned to look at the commotion behind him.

“Actually, I’m uh, I’m-“

“Here, I’ll treat you.” His hand came out and grasped your wrist.

“No, really-“

Dracula’s hand suddenly planted over his and you looked over to see a deadly look on his face. If looks could kill. The eyes of the gentleman currently trying to steal you away from him flashed with fear.

“She isn’t interested.” Dracula spoke very clearly, very slowly and made sure to make himself look as tall as possible. You shrunk down a little.

“Come on, man, don’t get involved.” Clearly whoever this man was, was an idiot.

“Don’t get involved?” Dracula scoffed, “some filthy vermin has its hand on something that belongs to me. So I suggest that you remove it.” With some force, he squeezed and you felt the pressure in your arm. It released as Dracula pulled the man’s hand off of you.

“Fuck this.” He grumbled and slumped away as quickly as he could.

Well, that was the trip ruined. Dracula’s mood had soured. Just as you needed his good mood to help you with your shopping, it had very quickly wilted. It wasn’t going to stop you, however, as you tugged him into the first of many clothing stores. Within minutes, he had almost become your personal shopping cart, carrying all of the things that you wanted to try on. His face was gloomy and blue and you must’ve looked a right sight. A tall and handsome man with the hump and a grumpy face, wrapped around the finger of a cheerful and upbeat girl as he carried all of her goods and let her do as she pleased. Quite the sight, indeed.

In the changing rooms, he became the epitome of boyfriend as he perched on the leather chair that he had picked, waiting for you to do whatever you had to do. Every few minutes or so, you’d pull back the curtains to reveal the clothes you had in and he’d grunt in response or make a blunt remark. His sour mood became old quick and you knew that you were going to have to further piss him off just to make him happier again.

So you bought the clothes that you liked and moved on to the next store, deciding to pick a few more revealing items, more form fitting and lower cut. Every time you moved on to a new store, the amount of ridiculous items began to outnumber the clothes that you’d actually wear. It wasn’t until you drew back the curtain and was standing there in a dress made of fishnet that Dracula snapped. He couldn’t believe you’d stand there in public, your body on display with just your underwear protecting your most intimate features. It accentuated your curves so well and he couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else seeing you so revealed. Especially not some lowlife like the man from earlier.

He almost tore your arm off, storming past the cash register as he threw the money down, and then he ripped off his jacket, placing it around you and warning you to do the buttons up. He didn’t speak a word to you in the car.

Holy shit, you were in trouble.

~^taglist^~

@vampiregirl1797 @avalanet @bunnyreese12 @nerdonpluto @teamceleries @grifffins @hitbythunder @winterseoul @mymagicsuitcase @angeli-fucking-cat @benedictethegoddess @bloodhon3yx @nifflersravenclaw @writteninthestars288 @labelladrama @frankcastlesgrunts @angelicdestieldemon @quakerlasss @aliisa-jones @wolverinexmenn @clairedragonessbaker @cryiner @mitsukatsu @piratewhore @your-pixels-are-showing @tardisnesss @ladydovahkiin180 @catwomom @god-of-dramatic-death-scenes @th3rah @viper-queen @mephdcosplay @greghouse7 @faeprinces @kokoro-no-yami @trishaferdream @therealmoni @crazytxgradstudent @sansthelonelypunster @crowley-needs-a-hug @girlonfireice @wasntpriscilla @ivanna6026

#hi welcome to angry drac #booyyyy yall are in troubleeeee #whats he gonna do i wonder ;) #something different #dracula #bbc dracula #netlfix dracula #dracula x reader #bbc dracula x reader #netflix dracula x reader #claes bang #dolly wells

[princess-mei]

District One Playlist, otherwise known as “Pop Songs to Murder People to.” 

Tracklist:

Glamorous - Fergie

Woman - Kesha

Do My Thang - Miley Cyrus

She Wolf - Shakira

Raising Hell - Kesha

Tigerlily - La Roux

Nightmare - Halsey

Demons - Sleigh Bells

Shut Up and Let Me Go - The Ting Tings

Heads Will Roll - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

explanations below the cut...

Glamorous - Fergie

I got problems up to here I've got people in my ear Telling me these crazy things That I don't want to know (fuck y'all)

I've got money in the bank And I'd really like to thank All the fans, I'd like to thank Thank you really though

Do I have to explain this one? I don’t think so. Lol. Anyway, it is the perfect song to start off this playlist. After all, living in District One is glamorous and Mei thinks the Games will be glamorous too. 

Woman - Kesha

I'm a motherfucking woman, baby, alright I don't need a man to be holding me too tight I'm a motherfucking woman, baby, that's right I'm just having fun with my ladies here tonight I'm a motherfucker

This gives me Career Ladies vibes. I absolutely love that our Careers this year are almost all women (including our NB pal). It is just vibes. I love murder ladies. I love murder girlfriends. This is the song I imagine them jamming to as they brutally murder people together lmao. 

Do My Thang - Miley Cyrus

Every single night and every single day I'mma do my thing, I'mma do my thing So don't you worry about me, I'ma be okay I'mma do my thing, 'cause I'mma do my thing

I used to put this song on while doing my makeup before going out for a night. So...I feel like it has the ~vibes I’m going for on this playlist. Like I don’t give a shit, I’m gonna fuck you up. Which really...that’s the mood, isn’t it? It also has a great like beat and bass drop. So musically it’s a great hype song.

She Wolf - Shakira

There's a she wolf in the closet Open up and set it free There's a she wolf in your closet Let it out so it can breathe S.O.S. she's in disguise S.O.S. she's in disguise There's a she wolf in disguise

This one was really just a guilty pleasure. I also used to listen to this in high school when getting ready for parties and stuff. (Man, I used to be so cool.) It lyrically doesn’t have what I want, but the vibes are there. It’s a sexy song and I’m going for a sexy killer vibe. And what’s sexier than a werewolf? 

Raising Hell - Kesha

I'm all fucked up in my Sunday best No walk of shame 'cause I love this dress Hungover, heart of gold, holy mess Doin' my best (Ha), bitch, I'm blessed Oh, if you couldn't tell We can always find the trouble, we don't need no help Singing oh, mama raised me well But I don't wanna go to Heaven without raising hell

This one is pretty obvious. It is about raising hell!! How could you not wanna break some shit to this song? I know I do. There is also the “heart of gold” line which could be like...literal if you think about District One. Also, Mei is usually a heart of gold kind of person, so that’s a fun juxtaposition. 

Tigerlily - La Roux

They can sell it all they want but you cannot agree I don't like the taste of damn morality You'll find your bread and you butter where you fake it And put your face in the gutter of a snake pit But out communication is telepathy What you give is what you get out of us naturally And we can wait 'til the shadow grows long And turn the page of the story that has long since found a home

This song is such a throwback, but it really fits for a kind of darker theme which the rest of this playlist is. This song...to me...always sounded like a stalker? Or something like that. And I think it has big like...Capitol and Career vibes. Where they want you to put on this show for them, but really there is this dark and possessive underbelly to it. 

Nightmare - Halsey

Come on little lady, give us a smile No, I ain't got nothing to smile about I got no one to smile for, I've waited a while for A moment to say "I don't owe you a Goddamn thing" I, I keep a record of the wreckage in my life I gotta recognize the weapon in my mind They talk shit, but I love it every time And I realize

This one is about the patriarchy, but you could also see the Capitol like that. “Come on little lady, give us a smile.” Mei has been able to sway some Sponsors because she’s sucked up to them. Now that she’s in the arena, will it be as glamorous as she imagined? I think she’s gonna start getting scared. Then angry. Then scared again. 

Demons - Sleigh Bells

You drink the wise blood You're gonna hear about it You'll be taken down brick by brick by brick Burn the orphanage You're gonna pay for it They will purify block by block by block Demons Come on You've got a vision You're on a mission

This is the song is the one that really inspired this playlist. The electric guitar vibes is just killer. Really sets the whole tone. Lyrically, it doesn’t super fit, but the way the words are sung? Like the attitude and the inflection? It is a very angry song. I could imagine Mei knocking the shit out of people to this song. I feel like it also has like...tributes @ the Capitol vibes. (You’ll be taken down brick by brick by brick...etc.) 

Shut Up and Let Me Go - The Ting Tings

Shut up and let me go This hurts, what I can't show For the last time you had me in bits Now shut up and let me go For fear of living in regret I changed this one when we first met Now oh so easily your over me Gone is love It's me that ought to be moving on You're not adorable I was something unignorable.

I put this song on the playlist because it is by the Ting Tings. Just kidding. This also has a very Capitol and tributes relationship vibe. A Career realizing how fucked up all this is, but only after they’re already in the arena. Also, Mei really vibes with the “I was something unignorable” line. A Leo Rising bitch.

Heads Will Roll - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Glitter on the wet streets Silver over everything The glitter's all wet You're all chrome You're all chrome Off, off, off with your head Dance, dance, dance 'til you're dead

“Glitter on the streets / Silver over everything” -- I mean, how much more Capitol/District one can you get? Not to mention “dance til your dead” because the Games are a performance, especially for Mei. This is just a great song to fuck some shit up to. The beat is great. It is a song you just want to like sweat to.

#music #inspiration #bhg #bhgcf #swyntask #i know some of these #don't necessarily count as pop but #let me live

[shanethvarosa]

Music Review: 2020

My blog has been a lot of things over the years, but it did originate as something I used to publicly review music; especially in the Visual Kei scene. Since I began the blog so many years ago, I had actually been hired to review Visual Kei and J-Rock music for an actual website: VKH-Press.com, work I am very, very proud of to this day. However, with not much news to comment on or work to critique, I haven’t been as active. Plus, personal issues always seem to stand in my way. However, I always take the time to discuss my passions at the end of the year. There were so many incredible releases, despite the COVID-19 pandemic, and so I wanted to take the time time to discuss my favorite releases and, maybe, the not-so-favorites as well. Quick shout out to Bastille’s Goosebumps EP and Megan Thee Stallion’s Good News LP as I did not get to listen to them before I wrote up my lists, but were still excellent releases. See my thoughts below! 

Overall, there were about 75 albums or groupings of albums I listened to this year and split them between various tiers. Starting with the bad tier, there were actually only ten albums listed here and mostly just because they were seemingly unnecessary collection albums. For example, another Satsuki collection? Rides in ReVellion releasing two greatest hits LPs after only five years of work? Beyonce releasing The Lion King: The Gift again? None of those felt like necessary releases. There weren’t many albums that really screamed bad to me this year, but I really could not stand Vanessa Carlton’s “Love is an Art” or Justin Bieber’s “Changes.” The only other albums on this tier were just underwhelming compared to what I know the artist is capable of, but the “best bad tier album,” in my view, was The 1975′s “Notes on a Conditional Form.” 

The mid-tier albums had all sorts of reasons for being only mid-tier. They weren’t quite bad or outright unnecessary, but are mostly by artists who put out work that was nowhere near the caliber of their usual work or were re-releases or other collection albums. For example, Tove Lo’s “Sunshine Kitty: Pawprint Edition” or Man With A Mission’s remixes/b-sides/covers albums. Nice to have with good quality music, but I wish we’d just have had brand new EPs or LPs. 

The good-tier albums were all really excellent releases, but didn’t hit home the way anything on the “God-Tier” list did. Here, I’d like to share a quick top ten: 

10. Taeyeon’s “Purpose: Repackage” & Japanese EP, “#GirlsSpkOut” 9. Charli XCX’s “How I’m Feeling Now” 8. Miyavi’s “Holy Nights” & “Holy Nights: 2020 Lockdown” 7. TK’s “Sainou” 6. PVRIS’s “Use Me” 5. Buck-Tick’s “Abracadabra” 4. Katy Perry’s “Smile” 3. Alicia Keys’ “Alicia” 2. Dua Lipa’s “Future Nostalgia” & “Club Future Nostalgia” 1. Ava Max’s “Heaven & Hell

Without furhter ado, though, the God Tier Top 25: 

25. Acme’s We Are Visual Kei: Essentially a collection album of several songs that were b-sides that never made a full-blown album. This LP was loaded with some of Acme’s best work and shows that they are going to be here for a long time, despite Div not quite working out. Recommended tracks: Mononoke Requiem, Gekiyama Celluloid, Houkago no Shiiku 

24. Alanis Morisette’s Such Pretty Forks in the Road: Admittedly, a huge fan in the 90′s and loved her cover of Seal’s Crazy. However, before this album I didn’t really listen to much of her body of work and I can see why today’s youth might not listen to this album. It is very “adult” insofar as it deals with her struggles in marriage, parenting, religion, etc. Her vocal performance is exceptional and her song writing remains some of the best in the business. Recommended tracks: Smiling, Nemesis, Reasons I Drink. 

23. Niall Horan’s Heartbreak Weather: Not my usual cup of tea, but for some reason Niall’s music makes me feel softer than normal. He’s very cute and charming and his words are always so romantic. It feels more genuine than the music made by other members of One Direction and kind-of reminds me of earlier Taylor Swift writing, but from a male perspective. Recommended Tracks: Put A Little Love On Me, Arms of a Stranger, Still. 

22. K/DA’s All Out: I don’t even really understand what this is, but I love it. There’s something to do with League of Legends? Cartoons? International pop stars? Whatever it is, I’m totally obsessed. These songs just completely slap. Recommended Tracks: The Baddest, More, Drum Go Dum. 

21. Darrell’s Brilliant Death: This might even “officially” be a single, but there’s enough content to market it as an album. Darrell is a band formed from the ashes of Deathgaze and Ai’s solo project. Who knows why Ai didn’t just continue after his solo album, Confusion, but he decided to go back to the band-format with confusingly-named Darrell. This album is then, incidentally, mostly Deathgaze covers. It brings the production into the new era and gives you a lot of nostalgic love for old hits. Recommended Tracks: Brilliant Death, Evoke the World, Abyss. 

20. Alice Nine’s Fuyajou Eden & Kuro to Wonderland: Neither album was particularly long, in fact these were glorified EPs that could’ve been merged to one two-sided LP, but in either case... Both albums had something really special to offer and felt like a true comeback after years of name changes and finally going back to their original, kanji-styled name. Recommended Tracks: Kakumei Kaika -Revolutionary Blooming-, Testament, Replica, Glow. 

19. Mucc’s Aku: This album felt very long in the making after a series of weird singles that didn’t feel like they were going anywhere. Ultimately, a lot of those singles did not make the album including my favorite one: Taboo. The resulting album, though, did feel very cohesive and thematic and even featured one of this year’s heavy hitters: Hazuki. Recommended Tracks: Aku -Justice-, Memai, Ameria. 

18. Miley Cyrus’s Plastic Hearts: This person is absolutely one of my favorite people in music. I’m pretty sure they have comeout as genderfluid/non-binary, so I want to stick with safe pronouns, just in case. However, they’ve always been a favorite and as they’ve come out as such a champion for the LGBT, I love them even more. The album though gave me a lot of hype for something very 80′s rock, but didn’t quite give me what I expected. All in all, the music was fantastic, just a little off-beat from expectations. Recommended Tracks: Gimme What I Want, Angels Like You, WTF Do I Know. 

17. Rina Sawayama’s Sawayama: I didn’t expect to fall in love with this girl the way I did. My boyfriend recommended “STFU” to me as kind of a joke because the song discusses a lot of Asian racism that I’m always criticizing people in my life for falling into, but then the song was so bad ass I checked out the album. There were so many different types of music on it and she really did a good job with all of them. Then, with the deluxe edition coming out and the hardcore club banger “Lucid” being involved... Just really brought it all home. Recommended Tracks: Tokyo Love Hotel, Lucid, Fuck This World. 

16. Amber Liu’s X: This was just an EP, but every song on it was great. Amber Liu was from f(x), a K-Pop Icon Group, but she always seemed like the odd one out. She was such a tomboy, so silly and funny all the time, and didn’t really behave like other Korean idols. I mean, really, she isn’t actually even Korean. I believe she’s Chinese American. In either case, the EP really noted some of her own personal strugles in the business and also remaining pretty fun at parts too. I saw her live in Philly before COVID-19 and she was truly excellent. Recommended Tracks: Numb, Stay Calm, Other People. 

15. Blackpink’s The Album: Not much of an album at only 8 tracks, but that’s K-Pop for you. I bet next year I’ll be putting “Blackpink’s The Album: Repackage” on my top 25 list. The quality of the music was pretty dope though, all things considered. It was a very solid debut effort with all of their previous songs being somewhere in the same lane as this one. I still kind of believe they are a reminder of what 2NE1 could have been, but they’re doing well enough on their own. Recommended Tracks: Ice Cream, Lovesick Girls, Pretty Savage. 

14. Hazuki’s Year Over All: Kind of a weird way to word it, but Hazuki basically released two albums this year in different formats. His work with his band, Lynch., was pretty magnificent. I’m not one to usually dwell on a Lynch. album. Their singles or featured tracks are what I usually get into, but the actual album (Ultima) really did a good job of showing how versatile Hazuki can be. His solo album, Souen -Funeral-, was an entirely stripped down, gothic orchestral album of Lynch. covers and other J-Hard Rock artists. Hearing it done like this was almost transcendental. Recommended Tracks: Xero, Idol, Ray, D.A.R.K. 

13. Sam Smith’s Love Goes: They had me scared that their album wasn’t coming this year once they pushed it back, back in May. Then again, at the time, an album called “To Die For” was probably super tone deaf. In any case, literally every single released for this album had me in love. So, when they all got included in the final version, I was thrilled. Sam gave us a bonus song after the album as well, but I can see why that one didn’t get on. In any case, this is a huge step up from “The Thrill of it All,” which I didn’t really care for. Recommended Tracks: Another One, Dance (’Til You Love Someone Else), Forgive Myself. 

12. Troye Sivan’s In A Dream: I love this kid. He’s so gay and so not shy about it and it really makes me smile. The EP comes after his last LP, Bloom, where the title track basically talks about bottoming for the first time and this new EP deals with a few other queer issues over weirdly produced beats that just... make sense. Recommended tracks: Stud, In A Dream, Easy. 

11. Matenrou Opera’s Chronos: Unfortunately, this band just lost their guitarist again. Their original, Anzi, was basically the most consummate guitarist in the visual kei scene that wasn’t Hizaki and he left them. Their sound wasn’t quite right since and they seemed to just get it back with Chronos when Jay left them. I guess we’ll see what they do next, but I think Chronos could be their last great release. Recommended Tracks: Chronos, Silence, Reminiscence. 

10. BoA’s Better: A very recent release that hasn’t had much time for me to digest. This is strange for me to put it so high on my list for that reason, but BoA is one of my all time favorites. She never disappoints me. This album was no different. It wasn’t exactly up to par with “Woman” or “Watashi Kono Mama de Ii no Kana,” but it definitely gave us some new and very iconic Queen BoA bangers. Recommended Tracks: Cut Me Off, Start Over, Temptations. 

9. Kesha’s High Road: A semi-step down from Rainbow, only because a lot of the same melodic elements and, sometimes, even beats were used on this album too. However, her vocal performance was outstanding and she even gave us a new dirty-pop song with some interesting indie-pop tracks to go with it. Plus, who doesn’t love a Big Freedia feature? Recommended Tracks: Resentment, Raising Hell, Tonight. 

8. Lady Gaga’s Chromatica: Anyone who knows me knows I don’t really love Gaga anymore. After all the drama with Madonna and her experimentation with “Joanne” I didn’t think I’d ever like her music again. However, she definitely won back big points for me on Chromatica. It was finally fun, weird, dancey, and then simultaneously emotional and I was really able to get back into it. She’s always had the voice, but on this one it also showed us that she still has what made us love her. Recommended Tracks: Rain On Me, Plastic Doll, Enigma. 

7. Koda Kumi’s My Name Is... Angel + Monster: She is, very likely, my Japanese Pop Queen. She always makes these absolutely outlandish bangers of dance tracks that have such a great attitude and beat and when she released re(CORD)... last year? 2018? Who can remember... I thought she could never outdo herself. Then she released “Lucky Star” and I was floored. I was a bit disappointed when they were only to promote a “My Name Is...” collection album, but then, to my surprise, a full set of new tracks came out just after that just blew me entirely away. Guess the last 6 albums must be pretty great, huh? Recommended tracks: Killer Monster, Work It!, Alarm. 

6. Grimes’ Miss Anthropocene: I’ve never been a big fan of Grimes, but when Violence came out I was really looking forward to whatever album this was going to end up promoting. The song is actual fire, but then the LP ended up being some kind of experimental Gothic Pop with Asian Pop influences I never expected. I doubt I’ll ever find something she does this good ever again, but it was really a musical light in the darkness of this year. Recommended tracks: Darkseid, Delete Forever, Violence. 

5. Kylie Minogue’s Disco: Admittedly, my draw to Kylie has always been that she is like some kind of Australian Madonna. Madonna being one of my all time favorite artists... In fact, number 2 for all women I listen to, Kylie has some big shoes to fill with her sometimes generic pop that she puts out. However, I haven’t really truly loved a Kylie song since “Get Outta My Way” and then this album comes out filled with tracks to love for the rest of time. Recommended Tracks: Miss A Thing, Till You Love Somebody, Magic. 

4. Chanmina’s Notebook/Angel: I don’t have really any way of knowing how popular Chanmina is in Japan or if she is as popular in the Japanese Queer Scene as she should be, but god damn does she know what she’s doing. Her music is raunchy, bitchy, and condescending at it’s highest and deeply personal at it’s most mellow. There is no “lowest.” “Notebook” was a two-sided album and “Angel” a strong follow up EP, but all the recommended tracks are from “Notebook.” If you have not listened to “Picky”.... go do it now, I’ll wait. Recommended tracks: Picky, Baby, Lucy. 

3. The Weeknd’s After Hours: Incidentally, I got into The Weeknd after someone said something shitty about him here on Tumblr! I took their likely-valid criticism and went to check him out for myself and I gotta say, I love his work. The beats are literally always on point and his voice is like silk. This album provided more than a few iconic songs and I always can’t wait to see what he does next. Recommended Tracks: Alone Again, Heartless, Blinding Lights. 

2. Halsey’s Manic: The singles and features she did between Hopeless Fountain Kingdom and Manic gave me such insanely high hopes and I was not disappointed. HFK was a strong album of course, but this was near perfection for me. I think the production of this alt-pop album was the star of the show because it wasn’t all one way, there were heavy-bass songs, interesting piano riffs, striaght up punk rock, all of it. She really made an album quite like it’s namesake. Recommended Tracks: Ashley, Killing Boys, Still Learning. 

1. Dexcore’s Metempsychosis: A newcomer to the visual kei and death metal scene, they’ve been putting out single after single for years in preparation for their extemeley long and multidaceted debut album. With a total of about 33 songs, the entire second disc was rerecorded singles from their early days and some even got new lyrical treatment. The main series of songs were, of course, also totally flooring and all of the recommended tracks are the new ones. If you haven’t checked them out by now, you have to! Recommended tracks: Cibus, Scribble, Period.

#personal #music #2020 #visual kei #k-pop #dexcore #halsey #the weeknd #chanmina #kylie minogue #grimes #koda kumi #lady gaga #kesha #BoA

[yntcdtyler]

so here’s my lover secret session’s story... 02/08/2019 london 🏹🇬🇧

i got my dm on twitter on july 16th at 5:15pm and i looked at it thinking someone was trying to boo boo the fool me and it was really gonna say something like “stream ME!” so i opened it not thinking much of it and my heart literally SANK when i saw it was actually REAL. i got the phone call 4 days after from a girl called sara who was from Taylor Nation, she told me everything and i was literally in the storage room in work crying.

so it’s finally august 2nd.. i got up at 5am cause i literally had 4 different trains and 2 ubers to catch, when i finally got to my hotel it was around 11am, i checked in and got ready and went to the meeting point. i was literally the first one there so i panicked thinking i was at the wrong place but more people started to show up and immediately everyone formed little friendship groups who they seemed to have stayed with the whole day which was insane. i met lisa and emma which i’d recognised from twitter because we’d been following each other for so long and then georgia, evie & shiv all came over and we all just bonded and instantly became friends and realised we we’re the brits of the group, there were SO many international fans and it was amazing seeing people come from all over the world! our group was first on the bus and i’m not sure why but we were literally all crying like wtf was going on?? we drove past a few ambulances thinking ‘that’s gonna be our ride home after tonight’ cause at this point i’m like dying and then we finally got to THE HOUSE.

we all go inside, the ME! playlist was on, there was a huge moose head on the wall which we all became really intrigued by, a huge mirror to see ourselves ugly crying, there was food & drinks and little m&m’s with ‘lover’ and hearts on them and i have no idea what was going on in my mind at this point, like i didn’t know what to expect.

so then we all go to the living room we’re there was a bunch of cushions on the floor and a chair and speakers in front of us and i KNEW what was about to go down lads, it’s about to happen, we’re about to hear lover and i just wasn’t ready and i was sat THERE in front of the chair and a few minutes later... SHE COMES OUT FROM BEHIND THIS DOOR LOOKING LIKE LIKE AN ACTUAL GODDESS THAT JUST STEPPED OUT OF HEAVEN AND I DEAD ASS DIED RIGHT THERE THINKING ABOUT THAT AMBULANCE I SAW EARLIER ON CAUSE SHE JUST WASNT REAL. so she’s like “welcome to the lover secret sessions” and the noise that came out me was actually not human at all. she played half the album the first and kept apologising for ranting and going off topic which was so funny, she’s so adorable i was literally in awe. then was like “we’re gonna take a break so you can all go the bathroom, have a drink and stretch your legs” and then mentions she’s made us treats and everyone’s like OMG and she’s literally like “it’s just rice crispy treats i dyed in heart shapes” and it was just the funniest thing bc she’s just so sarcastic but they were the cutest things and just knowing she spent time making them was honestly insane. like i ate a rice crispy heart treat..made by taylor swift? sounds fake. so then as she’s passing them around, she’s goes into the garden and starts talking to everyone and thanking people’s parents and let everyone on her trampoline and just shouts “THESE ARE MY KIDS” with a glass of wine in her hand and it was such a taylor swift moment. it was just surreal like wtf? imagine bouncing on taylor swifts trampoline? i would’ve went on it but i wasn’t about to break my neck before listening to the rest of the album x

okay so we go back in to listen to the rest of the album and throughout the whole album listening part, i just kept crying and she kept looking at me and smiling and singing and i was just bloody in shock. there was one point during a song we’re me and georgia we’re holding onto each other crying and she just looks at us and tilts her head and gives us the most warming smile. right there we both died together it was unreal. but the album HOLY SHIT every song was INSANE. i found it so hard to pick a favourite so i have 3, this album is literally her BEST, and this coming from a speak now stan🤝 i was just the happiest i’ve ever been, it just seemed like a dream. seeing her sat there in front of me so happy and in such a good place, feeling so proud of this album and these songs just made my heart feel so full. what i was feeling in that moment is unexplainable. just pure happiness like i knew life doesn’t get any better than this... right it’s time for the meet and greets and everyone goes back in to the other room whilst they got ready and people started queuing then to go in and meet her, she spent so much time with every single person and seeing everyone’s faces coming out that room was so magical. the event was supposed to be over at 11pm and it’s literally 1:30am when it was my time to meet her. she’d literally been meeting people for HOURS and is 2 and half hours past the end time and she didn’t even mind. everyone was so eager to go inside that me and the girls decided to wait till the end.

so evie had just come out and now it’s my turn. i almost fainted, i was so dizzy and nervous and WHEN I TELL U I WAS PETRIFIED TO GO INSIDE, I ACTUALLY MEAN IT BECAUSE I WAS STOOD OUTSIDE THE DOOR REFUSING TO GO IN FOR ABOUT A MINUTE CAUSE I COULD JUST SEE HER STOOD THERE AND I WASN’T READY BECAUSE LIKE I’VE DREAMT ABOUT THIS MOMENT SINCE FOREVER. emma and lisa we’re stood there laughing trying to force me inside as well as a girl from TN. took me a good minute but i finally walked in, i walk over to her trying not to cry AGAIN and she’s stood there smiling at me and she says to me “it’s tyler isn’t it?” and i was like JDJSKDJD “yeah 😭😭😭😭” cause i didn’t think she knew who i was and i was just randomly picked by TN??? she then pulled me in for the biggest hug and i just felt like this is it, i’m gonna bloody pass out. I TOLD HER THAT WAITING IN THAT QUEUE TO MEET HER WAS LIKE WAITING FOR THE ELECTRIC CHAIR and i was like why tf did i just say that omg but she laughed and was like “omg hahaha it’s like waiting for the electric chair that’s so funny” then i gave her the lover necklace i’d gotten made for her so we had matching and she kept saying how much she loved and how beautiful it was. then said “i love your necklace” with a little smirk because i was wearing her ‘TS’ initial necklace and my heart just went HDAJHDJDDH. then she asked did i enjoy the day and i was like of course??? it was so amazing i couldn’t stop crying and she was like “aw i had so much fun, i love doing these” and then she asked how i’d gotten here and i told her that i had to take 4 trains and she looked so shocked and thanked me for doing that and asked if i was travelling afterwards and i told her i had a hotel and she goes “omg good, PLEASE don’t talk to any strangers” and i’m just like YEAH OF COURSE ANYTHING FOR U MISS SWIFT :’)))) i hugged her about 3 more times and i asked her about tour, and how she found me and she said she’d found me on tumblr and literally said “its tylovestaylor right?” and i was just like WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. IM SCARED. cause i barely use tumblr because i’m the only one who reblogs myself??? and i’d gotten my dm on twitter so my mind was like wtf is going on right now?? i told her i changed my url and she said she’d follow me 🥺 then says “so do you wanna like... take a picture together or something?” YEAH OF COURSE, IM A BIT OF A MESS RN BUT ABSOLUTELY. she asks what i wanted to do for the photo like stand, sit, go near the piano? and i told her to choose because my mind was just all over the place and she says to me “i think one sitting down with our legs crossed over acting all (then does some pose) and stuff” i just couldn’t believe what was actually happening. we sit down next to each other and she grabs my hand and i’m just holding her and the photographer takes the photo and she tells me to have a look to see if i like it and i said i looked so bad and she goes “ITS SO CUTE, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL AND PHOTOGENIC” then the photographer told me i was really photogenic and tay goes “SEE SHE EVEN SAID IT” did taylor swift..who invented photos and beauty... just call me beautiful and photogenic? surely not. so we took one more pic and she said she loved it so i loved it😭😭😭 we got up and hugged again and i just kept saying i love you and she told me i was beautiful and i was like SO ARE U???? and then i told her that i still don’t believe she’s real and she laughed. we hugged again i told her i loved her as i was walking out she shouts “please get home safely” and i said “have a safe flight wherever you’re going next” at the same time and she laughed and was like “OMG THANKYOU?” and i walked out and the emotions i was going through oh my god. i’d just met my favourite person in the entire world? like never in a million years did i think i’d ever meet her let alone get handpicked for secret sessions. i was in so much shock like it wasn’t real. that never happened? i’m still in shock now and literally crying writing this. she was so lovely and welcoming and spoke to me like she’d known me forever.

AND AFTER ALL THAT, SHE DECIDES SHE WANTS ME LITERALLY DEAD AND LIKES MY POST ON HERE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. RIGHT AFTER I’D MET HER.

i couldn’t get over how beautiful she is, inside and out like i already knew that but seeing her in real life is so different, she’s literally flawless and so cute and delicate and i’ll literally die for this woman. thankyou so much, from the bottom of my heart @taylorswift for choosing me out of 100m+ fans, i’ll never understand why i was chosen but i can’t explain how grateful i am. it was by far the best day i’ve ever had in my 18 years of being alive, nothing will ever come close to that moment. i cant wait for everyone else to hear this album, i miss you and your hugs already and i forgot to tell you because my mind was blank but i’m insanely proud of you and will support you forever. promise.