#mentioned ish

[stray-cattt]

the pain is gone, but all your scars remain

A Nimona (2023) hurt/comfort fanfic, if you'd rather read it on A03, here's the link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48475993

Summary: Basically, Ambrosius and Ballister are getting ready for bed and things are still a bit awkward and tense between them so they talk about things.

Content/Trigger Warnings: None that I can think of

Ballister carefully disengages his prosthetic arm and sets it on the table across from his and Ambrosius’ bed. Sometimes it’s like it's still there, his arm, he can feel it. The pain comes and goes, sometimes aching, other times more like a quick sharp pain, there, then gone. Ballister stands there deep in thought as his gaze is fixed on his prosthetic as his mind replays it all, without realizing it his breathing becomes shallow.

A knock from the bedroom door interrupts his thoughts and slowly he tears his gaze from the table. The door slowly opens to reveal Ambrosius dressed in his pajamas, fidgeting with his sleeves that are slightly too long, before lifting his gaze to meet Ballisters.

“Everything alright? You haven’t got dressed for bed yet.” Ambrosius asks, concern laced in his eyes. Quietly he shuts the door behind him and inches a bit closer to Ballister, placing a hand on his right shoulder, the action seems to pull him out of his mind.

“Yeah, I was just thinking about things and got a bit distracted,” Ballister lets out a weak laugh only meeting Ambrosius’ eyes for a brief second before his eyes linger on the table again. Ambrosius follows his gaze and lets out a small sigh as guilt begins to plague his being. Before Ambrosius can get a word in, Ballister continues, looking him in the eyes.

“I’ll go get ready for bed now, I’ll be back in a bit.” Ballister gives Ambrosius a small smile before grabbing his PJs off of his side of the bed and heading toward the bedroom door. Ambrosius nearly grabs his hand to stop him but stops himself and lets Ballister walk through the door. 

Ambrosius feels a weight crashing onto his chest as Ballister softly closes the door. A shaky breath leaves him as one of his hands grasps the front of his shirt. He sits on the unmade bed as his thoughts begin to race about all that he’d done to his lover, it had only been a month since everything had all happened. Neither of them had really talked in depth about what happened, yes there were the rushed apologies right off the bat, but they hadn’t really expressed to each other how it had all impacted them emotionally. Maybe tonight would be the night they could talk about it, tonight, tomorrow morning, sometime soon, they needed to talk.

Ballister tossed his dirty clothes in the hamper in the corner of the bathroom before taking a look at himself in the mirror. The bags under his eyes were heavy, and even after returning next to his lover's side, and stopping the director he still didn’t feel at rest, he couldn’t. Thoughts of Nimona often plagued his mind, if maybe she would return by whatever magic that had created her. He hadn’t gone back to their ‘evil lair’ yet, it still seemed too painful.

Of course it wasn’t only the thought of Nimona that haunted him, it was also scars left over from what had all happened in those few days, weeks maybe? Everything had happened so fast time seemed to slip his grasp. The scars, mental, emotional, and physical all had yet to heal completely, at points Ballister worried that they never would.

Ballister took his hand and ran it through his hair. He needed a shower but hadn’t found it in him to take one, at least not tonight. Sighing, he dropped his hand from his hair and quickly brushed his teeth before leaving the bathroom.

Ballister didn’t knock before he entered his shared room with Ambrosius. He expected Ambrosius to have already been laying in bed, but the bed had yet to be made and instead, his lover was standing in front of his prosthetic. His fingers lightly traced the wiring and metal with a sense of melancholy. The closing of the door caused Ambrosius to jump a bit, pulling his fingers away from Ballister’s prosthetic. Startled, he turned his head towards the door making eye contact with his lover.

The silence between them was heavy and dense, the unsaid words threatening to choke them as they stared into each other's eyes. Ambrosius was the first one to break the silence as he cleared his throat and took his eyes off of Ballister, now looking at the bed.

“Want to help me make the bed?” Ambrosius suggested, scratching the back of his head. For the most part, they had been behaving as they always had, but sometimes it got awkward and stiff as if the air molecules in the air had stopped moving. Ballister blinked for a second processing Ambrosius’ words before nodding and walking over to their bed. They both fixed the sheets together standing on their respective sides of the bed. With the bed made, Ballister turned on the lamp on the right side of the bed as Ambrosius turned off the main lights of the room.

Neither of them said a word as they lay down in their bed getting situated. Given that they were both in bed now, Ballister turned off the lamp and all that illuminated the room was the lights of the city filtering in through the thin curtains covering the window. They were quiet for a few minutes more before Ambrosius finally spoke up.

“I wanted to say that I’m sorry, I know I’ve already apologized to you before right after it happened and a couple times after but I feel like we haven’t really gotten to talk about it that much with everything that’s been happening since the queen died. I am so genuinely sorry for how I treated you and your friend Nimona,” At the mention of her name Ballister stiffened a bit, he knew that eventually, they’d have to have a real conversation about it, but he didn’t expect it to be this night.

“I treated both of you unfairly, and while I never believed that you had actually killed the queen, I didn’t say anything to stick up for you and in staying silent I sided with those who were hunting you down. While everything turned out okay in the end, at least… for the most part, I shouldn’t have stood by their side. I should’ve questioned what the director was telling me and not seen Nimona out to be what she wasn’t. While I’ve apologized hundreds of times for your arm, I will apologize for it again, even though it’s what we were trained to do, I took a part of you that you can’t get back and have caused you pain and harm. Sometimes all my mind can do is replay my actions toward you at that moment and the moments following. I wish I could change my actions and go back and know what I know now back then, but I know I can’t. I just want you to know how much I love and care about you, Ballister,” Ambrosius confessed, a few stray tears making their way down his face as he reached out to brush away a couple of tears that had fallen from Ballister’s eyes.

“I know Ambrosius, and I love you too, and care about you so much. I really appreciate all that you’ve said, and I want to acknowledge that you were being manipulated while this all happened. You don’t have to carry the weight of it all, let some of it fall onto others. I would’ve probably responded the same way had our positions been switched. In the end, the person you are now is not the person you were back then, and that’s what matters. I’m in love with you, not your mistakes. While I’m glad you were able to acknowledge them, they don’t define you. While they’ve left scars, scars will heal someday, even if they feel like they won’t. I know I feel that way sometimes. Someday the pain will be gone, and all that will remain will be the scars and the stories they hold. I’m not sure if I’m making a lot of sense here, but I want you to know that together we can grow and move past this. You don’t have to feel guilty, you’ve suffered the consequences enough.” Ballister responded gently to Ambrosius, now caressing his face with his left hand. 

A weight had been lifted off the both of them, even if just a little bit, things were more manageable. Together they held each other and cried for what seemed to be an eternity but wasn’t quite nearly as long. They lovingly stared at one another, the filtered light highlighting the tear tracks that had run down their faces like rivers.

They talked a bit more after the tears had died down, being honest with each other about what they had been feeling. Talked about things they’d only ever share with each other, and by the time they had reached an end to their conversation, the majority of the city had fallen asleep.

In silence they held each other, Ballister held onto his lover’s waist and laid his head on his chest as Ambrosius traced patterns into his back. Together they lulled themselves to sleep to the sounds of the city of those who stayed awake in ungodly hours. Tomorrow would be a new day for them, things would be different for the better. Plus, maybe even Ballister would stop by his ‘evil lair’ and run into a friend. But who knows, that’s tomorrow, and right now he’s sleeping by his lover's side, content.

#angst #fluff and angst #nimona #nimona netflix #ballister boldheart #ambrosius goldenloin #ballister x ambrosius #much needed conversations #ptsd #mentioned ish #healthy relationships #men crying #mentions of phantom pains #cuddling and snuggling #comfort #hurt/comfort #crying #angst and feels

[prokopetz]

Detachable junk sounds good in theory, but I can't help but feel that the plug-and-play approach is just asking for trouble. Forget about USB compatibility – I want something mounted on a threaded rod that I have to spend several minutes turning into place, and it makes an obtrusive squeaka-squeaka-squeaka noise the whole time because I'm a dumbass and forgot to lubricate it. I want something that needs to be seated and secured like the parallel data cable from a 1950s computer. I want something where removing it requires disengaging a series of four interlocking mechanical toggles, and I want each of those toggles to go ka-chunk.

#life #penis mention #transhumanism #(ish) #swearing #i want it to make a discordant thrumming noise and emit wispy clouds of dry ice vapour when i deploy it for absolutely no practical reason

[dardrian]

note to self:

eating is not self harm unless you are eating an allergen on purpose

You did not self harm today

even though

even though today was

bad brains low spoons fatigue curse combo

#tw ed #mentioned ish #personal.

[inkskinned]

crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.

i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.

in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.

i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.

i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.

plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.

the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.

we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.

i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.

a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.

today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.

loved beyond thinking.

#spilled ink #writeblr #personal #please don't ask me to talk on my experience on the spectrum lol. i hate how ppl talk to me about it #i really try not to write so specifically about it #bc inevitably someone talks to me like im a child #i think this is the first time i've ever openly identified with it but i've been hinting for years #i might delete this. feels big. #the thing is that being on the spectrum actually IS a spectrum #and if u say ur autistic #inevitably someone makes an assumption about ur needs/symptoms #please do not treat me differently than u usually would. like.... we can tell when you do #and like i mention. i do appreciate the effort. i do truly appreciate the effort. #but it still feels like... #when i was blind. sometimes people kind of did the same-ish thing. #they'd find out i was blind and start talking really loudly? #and while i KNOW they're just trying to help. it would be like. i'd be trying to find #the right way into a building (sometimes only 1 door is unlocked and i couldn't see the signs posted about where to go) #and ppl would be like ''OH UR BLIND? YES SO THIS IS A DOOR. IT OPENS INTO THE BUILDING. IT IS LOCKED NOW." #''A DOOR CAN BE FOUND IN MANY LOCATIONS.'' #and it feels like. when i admit to being autistic #someone comes screeching into my life being like THIS IS A DOOR.

[jinaxxo]

memory no. 8 redraw ☀️🌿

#a little weird to mention this here #also spoiler-ish?? #but #zelda's memories in totk always remind me of that one tiktok with the encanto memojis #😭 sonia and rauru are just like: you have every single one of our gifts. you are the true miracle #and zelda's like: OH MY GOD!!!!!! #lucky girl has both light AND time powers 🥹 #ANYWAY #my art #personal #digital art #totk #zelda #tears of the kingdom #princess zelda #queen sonia #the legend of zelda #nintendo #fanart #digital illustration #digital painting #redraw #zelda fanart

[iamenits]

Screenshots of McCoy smiling (and a few where he isn't) from every Star Trek episode in production order.

#happy birthday de!!! #this was finished weeks ago but i decided i should upload it today :) #leonard mccoy #star trek #star trek tos #deforest kelley #my posts #my screenshots #smiley mccoy #the idea was one smile from each episode #there was an article once that mentioned mccoy seemingly being 'unable to smile' #so whenever he does #which is very often #i always quote that #i feel like i could have chosen 'better' smiles for a lot of these but it just proves my point that he smiles a lot :) #long post #ish

[jahanmp4]

I love it when cc!Etoiles talks about the fact that QSMP fans are specialists at overanalyzing random stuff some creators do without thinking and how cool it is.

In q!Etoiles' case for example, he is doing little RP and then does stuff because he thinks it's cool (for example changing his skin to white eyes because it looked badass) but he finds it fascinating that people will create super extensive lore theories about something so minute as using a specific word without thinking about it. And that's the beauty of fandom, and he said multiple time that those fans also contribute to the complexity of the server while some of it is kind of extreme and to the point where they think they know better than the creators themselves

#qsmp #qsmp etoiles #discourse ? ish ? #it's the beauty and complexity of fandom #he mentioned how in rp his cubito told bbh that it would be possible for forever to lose it after being elected as president #and how he got hated on on twitter for saying it yet forever DID lose it a few months afterwards abdndjfkf

[yanderemommabean]

Elias knocking up reader has me in a vice, how would things progress

Once he knows you're with his child, it's even more uptight and obsessive behavior. Not too many red dyes, no raw fish, no meats he thinks are bad for the baby, and god forbid you accidentally forget one of your many vitamins he insists you take. He remembers the night fondly when you two "tried for a baby" which was really just him messing with your birth control and never pulling out through all four rounds. You looked ethereal covered in sweat, basking in the afterglow as he brought you to the peak over and over again. Now that he knows you're his, that you're starting the family he's always wished he had, he wont let you slip through his fingers. He had a similar family to the one Lee lost many years ago, except he wishes they were dead. Sadly, they're still alive and walking the earth. It's fine. You're all he needs. Maybe he'll be lucky and you'll have twins! Or triplets! Oh that thought sends such thrills through his body. But that also means, he has so much more to protect. So no, you cant go outside without him. No you wont chat with the others unless he's by your side. You will only eat what he approves and taste tests, and you'll put up with the small over protectiveness unless you want him to go completely off the deep end and keep you tied down and drugged up until the baby comes. There's no winning with a psycho like him. But it's ok! He loves you!

-Mommabean

#Pregnant reader #pregnancy mention #mommabean #elias my oc #my ocs #yandere male #yandere dubcon #yandere noncon #ish #kinda #yandere lemons #yandere imagines #yandere scenarios #yandere smut

[marcusagrippa]

maul vagueposting rants about A Certain Jedi That Must Not Be Named on his close friends space-instagram story with a towel wrapped around his horns as he paints his nails super black and emo and listens to the normal album. a mysterious anonymous kenobi hate blog appears on tumblr but it's not really hate, it's thinly veiled homoeroticism and terrible crayon drawings of obi-wan with his skull split open - always shirtless, for some unknown reason, and always drawn with great tits. letters arrive at the temple for obi-wan written in the most beautiful handwriting with a wax seal and fancy paper and the whole shebang and it just says 'fuck you' in big cursive letters (the letter smells like lavender. there is golden confetti inside.)

#will wood mention uhh 2econd​ ​2ight​ ​2eer is so him #haven't thought about maul in a while. hm #maul #obimaul (ish)

[bonefall]

How do the researchers react to the clan cats leaving the lake for a time?

You mean the little patrols they send out?

They aren't aware of them, EXCEPT for the Beaver Expedition that Dovepaw was on. They found out about that one because they got a phone call from the team in charge of the beaver introduction.

It was NERVE WRACKING. Both teams were terrified the other would injure their subjects. They were horrified when the cats dug out the top of the dam and pulled the squealing baby beavers out, thinking this was going to end BADLY, but practically cried in relief and excitement when the Clan cats baited the parents towards the lake.

(I like to imagine someone on the beaver team ended up hitting it off with someone on the Clan cat team. The wedding cake was cats and beavers.)

But generally? They don't know about expeditions. Sometimes they catch them leaving, but don't have the funding to chase them down.

Clan cats are also not under constant surveillance. Very important to understand this. Clan cats will attack anything that upsets them and good cameras are expensive; they snuck one into the ThunderClan Camp once in like 2009, and Firestar dug it up at the stake and dropped it down the WindClan border ravine because it was freaking his warriors out.

(The cats don't understand that the cameras watch; they just don't like the Freaky Human Thing)

So the team has to be careful, not install too many, and hide the ones they do have. They don't want the cats to move again.

#I try to make sure that my researchers are more like actual wildlife scientists than gods. Yknow? #I think it's more interesting that they have funding issues and can't just install endless cameras #PLUS the cats reach the lake around 2008-ish. So I try to keep the technology accurate #Re: a lot of this is based off techniques they had to use for capturing the footage on Meerkat Manor #I also use the wayback machine to reference the Sirtrack catalogue which was cutting edge tech at the time #And mind you! This isn't meerkat manor. These researchers are ridiculously underfunded #Have i ever mentioned that i loved meerkat manor as a kid? A family member used to record it for me lmaooo #Better bones au #Millie's radio collar

[m4lexxx67]

Finally fucking done with this one, jesus fucking christ this took me so long! (Mainly because I took several month-long breaks from working on it lol) But it's done and I can't wait for it to be cold enough to wear, it turned out so good!!!

But there was so much math involved in making the design, seriously, it was so hard to fit the fly to the words in the background and make them the same size and all and I'm pretty sure it only worked out because I used the wrong measurements or made a logical mistake, something like that lol (it's been a while, I think I made the sketch in like January or February)

#also the yellow looks a lot more green-ish irl which I wanted to mention but couldn't figure out how to fit it into the post lol #foundations of decay #this song is so good #i love it so much #mcr #my art #diy

[ekingston]

the full fic can be found here: Tickled Ink (by ekingston) on ao3!

#supercorp fan art #fan fic rec #lena luthor #kara danvers #supergirl #fic by ekingston #art by ekingston #to my dear friend #batten i’m dedicating this to you especially #i mentioned you to a friend yesterday & told her you’ve been my main inspiration from day 1 in this fandom #& i never felt brave enough to try a comic-ish thing #but your YMHW panels made me want to try!

[prokopetz]

Every time I hear the phrase "obligate carnivore" I picture a creature that will engage in carnivorism, but it's not really into it. Like, it keeps the lights on, but it's not their passion, you know?

#science #biology #zoology #nomenclature #food mention #(ish)

[some-pers0n]

Huh, new official Will Wood playlists

#EVIL JAZZ MENTIONED!!! #YIPPEEE!! #will wood #wwattw #Kinda in love with the softer-side playlist beginning and ending with Self- and -Ish #Even if it's the most logical thing to do it just makes me happy :]

[basilpaste]

hey gang. isaloops 'falling action'

i wont go too crazy with the explanation because there is a Fic that will cover it that i will (hopefully) write but uh!!

yknow whats neat? when a in world with magic healing you cant heal wounds if you wont let them be healed. so sometimes even if someone tries they stay. much to think about.

#in stars and time #isat #in stars and time fanart #isat fanart #in stars and time spoilers #isat spoilers #isabeau isat #isaloops au #iat act 5 spoilers #this is technically still act five. #tw blood #of stitches in sequence #im still not super great with the isat style so isa is very very referenced from himself here. some elements edit-ish #when i say that i mean i stole the shapes or the rough lines and worked from there. (like. the mouth on the second piece) #if anyone mentions the mistakes on these ill cry. #basil paints #me kicking my feet paitently waiting my turn to share this on the isatcord.

[gouinisme]

uhm... did y'all forget about worm portal? cuz i didn't forget about worm portal

(from mag 41)

i don't think the worms in the magnus institute are from before the fire. i think these worms are from the tma universe

#the worms had interdimensional travel powers this whole time #tell me if someone already mentioned this #cuz i need somzone to FUCK WITH ME #tmagp #tmagp theory #the magnus protocol #rusty quill #tmagp spoilers #? #ish #tmagp 10