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justabigassnerd · 17 days

Text

Protective Friend

Pairing - Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell x daughter!reader

Word count - 2,182

Warnings - physical violence, mentions of cheating, blood, angst, mentions of Goose, fluff

Summary - after someone picks on Bradley one too many times, you handle the situation and secretly impress your father

A/N - it's been a minute huh, y'all? I think I'm doing a bit better (no promises), so maybe I'll be uploading more fics. anyway I won't bore y'all with a long A/N so as per y'all, please send in requests, feedback, and enjoy

Growing up alongside the Bradshaw family, it was basically inevitable that you would become best friends with Bradley Bradshaw. After all, you’d practically known the family since birth with your dad working alongside your Uncle Goose and it had devastated you when Goose died, understanding the finality of it all even at a young age. After Goose passed you made even more of an effort to be a good friend to Bradley, doing your best to keep a smile on his face.

However, the kids at your school were not nearly as kind. They had found out that Goose had died one day during an activity in the build-up to the summer holidays where your teacher gave you the freedom to make Father’s Day cards to store somewhere safe until the day came and Bradley had innocently asked your teacher what he was supposed to do. When the teacher had crossed the room to crouch down alongside him to ask why he couldn’t write a card for his dad, some kids had overheard him saying that his dad was dead and apparently thought it was the funniest thing to them. The teasing started off light before it got worse, but you could tell it bothered Bradley all the same, especially given the sensitivity of the topic. You ended up telling your dad about the teasing and bullying and without hesitation, Maverick had gone straight to Carole to make sure she was aware as well. Carole, of course, wasted no time going to the principal and telling him about how he needs to be doing better in making sure the bullies get punished.

When the principal did nothing about it, nonchalantly saying he couldn’t control kids’ actions, Carole went and tracked down the parents of the kids who were picking on Bradley after you gave them their names. Once again, Carole reached a brick wall as when she spoke to the various parents of the kids, they just shrugged her off and said that both Bradley and Carole needed to stop being so sensitive over something that happened years ago and that a bit of friendly teasing wasn’t hurting anyone so according to them, Bradley simply had to man up and learn how to take a joke. It took everything within Carole not to slap anyone when she heard the same answer multiple times. Her son was being bullied and no one was doing anything about it when this was the time to step up and do something. She didn’t care if had been ten minutes or ten years since Goose’s passing, he was still Bradley’s father, and her son was allowed to mourn the loss he suffered.

When Carole next met up with Maverick and filled him in on what had happened, Maverick immediately offered to give it a try himself, more than willing to be assertive and to even drag Iceman into it if needed. Carole told Maverick not to worry about it, and that he probably wouldn’t get much further than she did, even with Iceman.

“Do you want me to sleep with their wives?” Maverick had jokingly suggested which resulted in Carole hiding her giggle as she lightly slapped Maverick on the shoulder.

“You wouldn’t dare.” She replied, continuing to laugh as Maverick shrugged jokingly.

“All I’m saying is I could give them the best night of their lives, end it then and there and then ruin their marriage. That’ll teach them for picking on Bradley.” Maverick says nonchalantly, leaning back against the sofa with a grin.

“Mav, I love you, but no you can’t ruin people’s marriages over this.” Carole says as Maverick holds his hands up in mock surrender, both of them chuckling lightly.

“It was a good idea though.”

A couple of days later, one Saturday morning, you managed to coerce Maverick into taking you to the local playground and when you asked if Bradley could come with you and so he walked you over to the house just down the road and asked Carole if Bradley wanted to come to the park with the two of you. Carole was of course extended an invitation to join you all, but she politely declined, saying she had housework she needed to do. Now with Bradley in tow, the three of you make your way to the park, entering the gated park and both of you immediately head over to the swings while Maverick sits himself on a bench just outside of the park, watching you play with a soft smile.

However, at the most crucial moment, Maverick found himself distracted by a pair of attractive women who smiled flirtatiously at him as they passed, deciding that since both you and Bradley were happily playing in the park, he had the perfect opportunity to strike up a conversation with them.

In the park, a boy that was in your grade named Johnny decided he wanted to pick on Bradley, calling over to him and once again picking on him for the fact his dad was dead the moment, he realised you had crossed the park to talk to another one of your friends.

“Stop it.” Bradley said firmly, standing from the swing and attempting to stand up for himself against the bullies.

“What are you going to do? Tell your dad?” Johnny said before eyeing the way Bradley’s hand clenched around something hanging on his chest.

“What’s that?” He then asked teasingly, eyes glinting with glee as Bradley took a step back, fist tightening around the dog tags that once belonged to his dad. With nothing more than a look exchanged between them, Johnny’s two friends put a hand on Bradley’s shoulders and forced him to the floor, while Johnny pried Bradley’s hand open and removed the precious dog tags from around his neck, inspecting them and chuckling to himself.

“Goose? What kind of stupid name is that?” Johnny says, reading the callsign displayed on the tags.

“Give them back!” Bradley cries out, attempting to get up and grab his dog tags but Johnny’s friends were quicker, forcing down on his shoulders harder to prevent him from moving.

Across the park, you had heard Bradley’s demand and so glanced over and immediately removed yourself from your conversation and immediately rushed over to Bradley’s defence, taking less than a second to realise what it was Johnny had stolen.

“Give it back, Johnny!” You say firmly, holding your hand out expectantly and gritting your teeth when Johnny just laughs in your face.

“And why would I do that?” He taunts, sniggering as he glances over at his friends who laugh too.

“Because you’re not going to like what I’m going to do next.”

Just as Maverick was bidding goodbye to the two women, making sure to give each of them a cheeky wink as they went, he turned to look back at the park and instead came face to face with a rageful-looking mother who had a boy alongside her who was holding a tissue up to his bleeding nose.

“What do you have to say for yourself?” The woman all but yells in Maverick’s face, barely giving him space to breathe, let alone process what she is saying.

“I’m sorry, what?” Maverick says, trying his best to calm the tension. He had recognised the kid instantly; you had pointed him out to your dad one afternoon when you had first told him about the bullying.

“Your brat of a daughter punched my sweet Johnny for no reason! I can’t believe you’d raise a child to think that’s okay.” The mother says, glaring at Maverick who takes a moment to glance over at you where you were crouching down alongside Bradley, clearly talking to him before taking a moment to look over at your dad with a worried expression.

“y/n wouldn’t hit someone.” Maverick says, getting up from the bench to be more level with the woman.

“She punched him!” She repeats, even louder and begins to get looks from people surrounding them.

“Okay, okay, cool your jets. I’ll speak to her.” Maverick says, waving his hand dismissively before crossing to the park gate, opening it and catching your eye before gesturing you over and waiting patiently for you to approach.

“Hi, dad.” You mumble, glancing down at your shoes to avoid looking Maverick in the eye.

“Hey squirt. So, I heard you punched that Johnny kid. Want to tell me what happened?” Maverick says, crouching down to be at your level and gently encouraging you to look at him. You mumbled something in response but none of it was audible to him.

“You gotta speak up kiddo.” Maverick encourages gently, reaching out and resting a hand on your shoulder and squeezing lightly, silently promising you he wouldn’t get upset.

“He took Uncle Goose’s dog tags from Bradley.” You say, a little louder so that Maverick can hear you. Upon hearing the reason you had lashed out; Maverick knew he couldn’t be mad at you at all, but he also knew he had to try and dissuade you from using violence in the future.

“Okay, sweetheart, you can’t punch people. I understand why you did it but if you’re ever in a situation like this, you come and get me, Carole, Ice, whoever. We’ll sort it out. I’m sure you did try but make sure you use your words. Punching people isn’t okay, no matter what it is they do.” Maverick says softly, watching as you carefully take in his words, nodding softly.

“Yes, daddy.” You say before Maverick gently pulls you into a hug.

“Go and grab Bradley and get ready to head back home. I’ll speak to Johnny’s mother.” Maverick says quietly before releasing you from the hug, letting you go over to Bradley then standing up and heading back over to Johnny and his mother.

“I didn’t see you disciplining your daughter. How do you know she won’t do it again?” Johnny’s mother says firmly, gripping her son’s shoulder and pulling him closer to emphasise the injury.

“I spoke to her, and she knows it’s wrong. But she did tell me that your son took something that was special to not only Bradley, but his family and my family too. And when your son clearly refused to give it back, she did what she thought she had to do. She won’t do it again, but I won’t say she wasn’t justified.” Maverick explains, folding his arms across his chest and raising an eyebrow as he anticipates her freakout.

“She hurt my son and you’re saying it’s justified?” The shock and horror was painted all over her face as she yelled at Maverick.

“I’m not going to lie to you and say she wasn’t justified in what she did. Your kid stole something special from Bradley and has been bullying him for a while. You have refused to teach your kid better so no I will not punish her for standing up for her friend.” Maverick says firmly, deciding then and there that the conversation is over and turning to find you and Bradley.

“Come on you two, we’re heading home!” Maverick calls over to you and Bradley and when you and Bradley rush over to him, he wraps an arm around each of your shoulders and ushers you away from the woman and her son and begins the walk home. First, you drop Bradley off at his house, both of you greeting Carole as she opens the door. Just before Bradley heads inside, and while Maverick is explaining what happened earlier to Carole, Bradley turns to face you with a small smile.

“Thank you for getting my dog tags back.” Bradley says softly, making you smile before hugging Bradley.

“You don’t need to thank me.” You insist gently, squeezing Bradley softly before releasing him from the hug and letting him head inside with Carole while Maverick wraps an arm around your shoulders and encourages you to head home with him.

When you make it home, Maverick guides you into the living room and asks you to stay put while he grabs you an icepack. He soon returns with an icepack in hand, sitting down alongside you and taking the hand you had punched Johnny with and placing the icepack on the knuckles, biting back a frown when you wince slightly.

“This should help with any swelling.” Maverick says tenderly, his voice quiet as he lets you hold the icepack in place.

“Are you mad at me?” You question quietly, eyes fixed on the icepack to avoid looking at your dad.

“No sweetheart, I’m not mad. I do wish you had handled it a little differently, but I can’t be mad at you for standing up for Bradley.” Maverick admits, watching as you finally get the courage to look up at him.

“I wish I didn’t punch him. But it was satisfying.” You say quietly, a shy smile covering your face as Maverick lets out a soft chuckle before carefully pulling you into a hug.

“Well between me and you. I think he had it coming.”

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illiterateaffairs · 1 year

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DISTRACTIONS IV | CATCHING FEELINGS

pairing: jamie tartt x f!reader (ted lasso)

rating: T

word count: 2,468

summary: you and jamie are a couple...a couple of besties with benefits! that’s definitely all this is.

A/N: very excited about this one - even though its a little shorter! also wanted to let you all know since i have chapters planned out almost through the end of the season, i have this idea of revisiting chapters and writing “missing scenes” to fill some gaps, like within this one which you’ll see. let me know if you’d be into that?

distractions masterlist | previous chapter

After Jamie showed up at your door the evening following their loss to West Ham, you did not stop sleeping together. Two nights turned into three, and then into four. Once you passed five, you decided to upgrade your relationship to friends with benefits status. Jamie was honestly happy that meant you considered him a friend.

The two of you usually hooked up after Richmond lost a game, which had unfortunately been happening a lot as of late. Sometimes Jamie would find you after a training session with Roy to relieve some tension. Occasionally you went to Jamie when you were feeling anxious about work or something reminded you of Mason. And while the team mourned the loss of Zava after he announced his retirement, Jamie was the happiest you’d ever seen him. (You think you might have had the best sex of your life that night.)

At some point, you’d added other locations to your repertoire, other than your bedroom and sometimes your shower. On rare occasions you’d meet up in your office for a quickie, or even Jamie’s car in the parking lot after everyone had left when you couldn’t wait to get home. Only once had you tried to spend the night at Jamie’s, but at the crack of dawn, Roy was banging on his door for another practice. That was the last time you did that.

You had to admit, you got a thrill out of sneaking around. You’d gotten less skittish at the office, sharing secret looks with Jamie during practices. Rebecca was still the only one who knew. A week into your new arrangement, she’d inquired about your situation, which you explained. She still seemed weary, but less so because of Jamie and more so because she didn’t think a casual relationship was the best idea. If you’d asked yourself a year ago, you would have agreed. But now, you kind of enjoyed the lack of pressure surrounding your dynamic. Jamie was obviously very skilled when it came to sex, but he was also fun to be around. Your pillow talk conversations were often the highlights of your day. You’d talk about your days and vent when you’d need to. Sometimes you’d get little nuggets about Jamie’s life and childhood, and you’d let him in on some details about your life as well. The more you got to know him, the more you liked him.

As a friend of course. Rebecca also warned you that if feelings got involved in your situation, things could get messy. But you weren’t worried about it. Sure, you and Jamie playfully flirt from time to time, but you’d do that around the office in plain sight too. It was just Jamie’s thing. This dynamic you had was just innocent, casual fun. That’s what you two agreed to and that's what you wanted.

Jamie was also enjoying your arrangement. Unbeknownst to you, from the second he saw you, he’d found you appealing. Though, when he’d found out you were working for the team, he thought any chance of hooking up with you was off the table. Then he assumed you were seeing Sam, and he would absolutely never interfere with one of his best mate’s relationship. But when he’d found out you were available, he’d crumbled under the pressure. He got to know you a little bit, which made it harder to initiate anything. That was until you initiated it that night in his car and he couldn’t have been more thrilled. He honestly hadn’t expected it to go further than that night, but he couldn’t resist you. You were addictive, and extremely good at distracting him. Not just when you were fucking - which was mind-blowing - but also during the in-between moments when you’d whisper to each other under the sheets.Your mere presence was so soothing, he wished he could be enraptured in it all the time.

That’s honestly the worst part of your deal; that it was secret and he couldn’t just wrap you up and listen to you breathe whenever he felt anxious.

The fact that you have such a hold on him only adds to his anxiousness, though. He knows that your relationship is strictly sexual, but platonic, and he’s not worried about wanting more than that. He knew he wasn’t exactly boyfriend material, and wasn’t sure if relationships were something he wanted, at least at this point in his life. But he couldn’t help being attached to you. No one’s ever been so kind to him; so attentive and gentle. So, while your arrangement may be fleeting, he wanted to soak up the affection while he could.

That’s why he feels so off when he doesn't see you around the club today.

The team had an early training time, so when he didn’t see you before, he figured you probably just hadn’t arrived yet. But then he didn’t see you around lunch time either. He nonchalantly asked Sam if he’d heard from you, as he spotted him while he lifted weights, but his friend hadn’t heard from you either. That didn’t sit right with him.

He tried texting you after that, not once but twice, but you didn’t answer. That was also out of character. He knew it bothered you when there were red bubbles over your apps, but you hadn’t even read the text.

As a last ditch effort, he even found himself asking Colin or Isaac if they knew anything but of course they didn’t.

Jamie was nervously staring at your text chain as he walked out of the locker room at the end of the day. Still nothing. Not looking at where he was going, he ends up running straight into Rebecca. He apologizes distractedly before taking another step towards the door, when she calls out to him.

“She’s at home.” Jamie looks at her with a quirked eyebrow, so she clarifies by saying your name. “She called in sick so I gave her the day off.”

Though he’s grateful for the information, he fidgets nervously, “How did you…”

“She told me about you two, or rather I figured it out. But I haven’t said a word to anyone else,” she explains reassuringly, “Plus you’ve been wandering around like a lost puppy all day. Wasn’t hard to guess why.”

Jamie flushes, but smiles tightly in thanks before wishing his boss a goodnight. On his way to run some spur of the moment errands, he wonders what kind of things you’ve told Rebecca.

As the sun sets for the night, you’re finally forcing yourself out of bed.

You weren’t sick sick. You were on your period, and this morning you’d woken up with a migraine and some of the worst cramps you’ve had in a while. It wasn’t uncommon for you to feel this bad every couple of months, but when it got this severe, there was no way you could function as a human being. So you made yourself persevere through the pain for a few moments to call Rebecca and explain the situation at hand. She was quick to suggest you stay home, and while you weren’t surprised, you still adored her for understanding. Best boss ever.

When your pain is bad, you can only stomach so much food, so you just pick on things like crackers to hold you over. Now that it was nearing dinner time, and your headache had finally subsided, you were ravenous. You quickly search for nearby pizza places and select the first thing that comes up on Google and place a delivery order.

While you wait, you curl up with a blanket on your couch and turn on one of your favorite Grey’s Anatomy episodes. You’re only ten minutes in when there’s a knock on your door. You begrudgingly stand up, impressed that your pizza had come so fast. When you pull the door open, you instead find Jamie standing there with a bag of groceries.

“You’re not pizza.”

Jamie narrows his eyes at you, “And you don’t look sick.”

Your shoulders sag, “Rebecca told you?”

Jamie nods, “Yeah, I was worried. Wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Your heart warms. You pull your door open wider, and he doesn’t hesitate to enter.

“I’m sorry I worried you,” you shove your hands in your sweatshirt pocket awkwardly, “I’m actually not technically sick, just on my period, which I’m sure is exactly what you want to hear.”

Jamie surprises you by not visibly reacting to your admission.

“Damn, I wish I’d known that, otherwise I would have picked up different things.” he draws your attention back to the paper grocery bag in his hands as he sets it on your coffee table. He starts pulling out items as he lists them off, “I got you some soup, some tissues, a shit-ton of different medicines because I didn’t know what kind of sick you were. Some gummy bears, but that’s just cause I know you like those.”

You try not to be overwhelmed by his thoughtfulness, “Aw, Jamie, you didn’t have to do that.”

He shrugs, not making direct eye contact, “Sorry most of it's not very helpful. Although, this might still work?” He pulls one last thing from the brown brag: a carton of Neapolitan ice cream.

You gasp, immediately taking the item into your hands. “You are a saint. I will be saving this for later.”

Jamie smiles as he follows you to the kitchen where you transfer the ice cream to the freezer. It's at this moment he also realizes you’re wearing one of his Richmond sweatshirts he must’ve left behind one night. He keeps this realization to himself.

“D’you say you ordered pizza?”

“Yeah. You’re welcome to stay if you want, there’ll be plenty.

“Where from?”

“Uhh,” you scratch your head trying to recall the name of the place, “Pizzeria Pellegrini, I think?”

Jamie groans, “That place is rubbish, you should have ordered from Lucia’s.”

For some reason, a small smile makes its way on your face, “I’m sorry I didn’t consult you first, Mr. Pizza Expert.”

“Well, now you know,” Jamie pulls out his phone and begins tapping up a storm.

“Whatcha doing?”

“Ordering us a pizza from Lucia’s. You like pepperoni, right?”

“Jamie,” you gasp exaggeratedly, “I already ordered one. It will be here any minute.”

“Well, now you’ll have two, so save room. I’ll get express delivery. I need you to try both so you know which is superior.” he snickers and you roll your eyes, “Anything else I should get?”

You shake your head amusedly, but still ask, “Can you get me a side of ranch, please?”

Jamie scoffs, “Aren’t you getting some with your first order?”

Okay, he knows you too well.

“Yeah, but every restaurant has a specific ranch. I can’t have Lucia pizza with Pellegrini ranch, that’s insane.”

He gives you a crazy look, “No, I think you’re insane.”

“Look, I’m right and you’re just going to have to deal with it.”

Jamie shakes his head, but bites back a laugh. He orders you a pepperoni pizza with extra ranch.

As you lead him back to the couch, you catch him up on your evening plans of binging Grey’s.

“But we don’t have to watch if you don’t want to. We can watch something else, or…”

Jamie sits beside you on the couch and shrugs, “You’re the one feeling like shit, we can do whatever you want.”

“Alright, then buckle up, Tartt,” you chuckle, pressing play on the remote.

As the episode continues, Jamie asks questions about what is happening and who the characters are. Normally, you’d be annoyed with the constant talking over the show, but you like that he seems genuinely interested. So you fill him in on what has happened in the episode so far, and some backstory for the characters.

“Wait so there’s a bomb in that person’s body?” “Yup.” And then he’s hooked.

Both of your pizzas arrive at different points during the two-part episode, and you give in and admit his pizza place is better. You even let him share your ranch dressing. However, your eyes widen in horror when he goes to dip a piece of Lucia’s pizza into Pellegrini’s ranch.

“What the hell are you doing?” you exclaim, sitting up slightly.

“I’m going to prove your theory wrong,” Jamie scoffs, shoving the slice into his mouth.

You watch in anticipation and smirk in satisfaction when he frowns.

“Okay, you’re right. This is wrong.” he immediately switches out the cups of ranch.

You bob your head up and down, “Yeah, it's sacrilegious.”

“Each ranch just compliments its own pizza so well!”

You press your hand to your chest and smile, “You get me.”

After dinner, the two of you treat yourself to bowls of ice cream and settle back into the couch. Jamie lets you lay across it, while your feet rest in his lap. With Grey’s Anatomy becoming background noise, you two chat quietly. Jamie tells you about his day and how stressed out the team has been with all the losses.

“I’m sorry I can’t help you destress tonight,” you joke, referring to your usual nighttime activities that are being cockblocked by your favorite week of the month.

Jamie chuckles, absentmindedly rubbing your ankle. “S’alright. Just being here’s made me feel better.”

You look at Jamie thoughtfully as he continues staring at your television screen. Before you’re really aware of what you’re doing, you sit up and plant a light kiss on his cheek.

He turns to you a little caught off guard, but not bothered. “What was that for?”

“Just because.”

You go back in for a kiss on his lips this time, and he immediately reciprocates. When you pull back, you give him a shy smile before laying back down on the couch, wrapping your blanket around you, and turning back to your comfort show. Out of your peripherals you can see a small smirk settle on Jamie’s face as he refocuses on Grey’s Anatomy as well.

You’re proud that you pulled that off nonchalantly because inside you were feeling anything but. An uncomfortable feeling settles in your stomach as you come to the realization that that wasn’t just a casual kiss. You kissed Jamie because you wanted to, not just as a prelude to sex. All night he’d been attentive to your needs, genuinely interested in hearing what you had to say even when it was nonsensical ramblings about a show you liked, and just an overall sweetheart. The more you think about it, he was always like this when you two were together, even when he was teasing you. It didn’t help that he also looked especially good tonight.

Holy shit, were you…falling for him? When you explicitly said you weren’t going to?

Well this certainly won’t end well.

A/N: this apartment scene and the car scene from part two are the first things i thought of and inspired this whole story :’) can’t wait to know what you guys think!

Taglist: @atabigail @boundtomyfate @sammysgirl1997 @lil-tracys @shephard17895 @alaspice @itsbarbraann @redpool @drmeghanjones @straightforwardly @alex-sulli @aiyaiy @artemismaximoff @roadtoself-love @theloud-yet-quietone @forcesofgrief @kirisimpster @geek-and-proud @grippleback-galaxy @lalla-04p @gabbycoady13 @royalestrellas @qardasngan @creationcitystreet-em @percysaidnever @emily-b @mrfitzsimmons @k-n-e @agentstarkid @legobatmans9thab @mrsprongs25 @escapismqueen @scaramou @beardsplitter @gcidrvsh @ringpopdust @marveltg365 it wouldn’t let me tag the last few of you, let me know if its something with your settings, otherwise i can keep trying in future updates! <3

#jamie tartt x reader #jamie tartt imagine #jamie tartt fanfiction #jamie tartt x f!reader #jamie tartt x female reader #ted lasso fanfiction #ted lasso fanfic #distractions series #mine

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ninadove · 9 months

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Hello, all respectfully, may I ask, why do you want emilie to be dead? I mean adrien deserves to have his mom back, don’t you think? You can answer it thru private chat if it makes you more comfortable.

No that’s perfectly fine! I love getting a chance to overanalyse and write down my own thoughts! 📝

So, I have a complicated relationship with Emilie as a character, but I don’t hate her by any means. I do believe she is a lot less pure and innocent than we were first led to believe, but that makes her much more compelling, so as far as I’m concerned it’s a great writing choice.

The reason I think she should be dead, or more accurately, stay dead (the nuance is crucial), is simply storytelling.

As fun as the show is, it is also pretty serious when it wants to be, and these 5 seasons were written with a couple of core messages in mind:

Part of the experience of being human is to accept that there is no magical solution to our problems. Sometimes things don’t work out, sometimes we lose the people we care about; and actions bring consequences, always. This is why using the Peacock carries such a heavy toll, even after it is fixed, and why the Lucky Charm primarily relies on Marinette’s intelligence and creativity (characteristically human qualities) rather than being an automatic problem solver.

Whenever these losses occur — you have to move on. Staying stuck in the past means depriving yourself of a chance to enjoy the present and plan for the future. All of the events of these 5 seasons were triggered by Gabriel’s inability to accept the concept of death, and by his attempts to drag all of Paris down the pits of grief (symbolised by the akuma attacks) with him — starting with his own son.

Of course, Adrien deserves to be happy and loved! And Emilie herself explains how it can happen:

By letting her go.

Adrien is an extremely strong and loving kid who, unlike his father, is able to shoulder the pain while still opening himself up to the world. Gabriel trying to bring Emilie back did nothing to fix the sorrow his son had to deal with; in fact, it cost him his other parent and a normal childhood in the process.

But the thing is — Adrien does not need Emilie anymore.

He has a girlfriend who loves him so much she gave his dad one last chance to make the right choice, despite all the pain he caused (and will likely continue to cause from the grave). He has a cousin who loves him so much he was willing to burn the world down, then help fix it to protect him. He has amazing friends who supported him through this entire ordeal (special shout-out to Nino, who has been on Gabriel’s case since S1 E9), even when he did not feel comfortable enough to share the full extent of the abuse he was going through. He has Amelie and Nathalie, who will provide him with the motherly love he needs in his life, and Tom and Sabine, who are already packing him his breakfast every morning because they’ve carved him a place in their family and hearts. Also, he has a cheese-eating demon who lives in his pocket.

No one is entitled to raising the dead, and Adrien would never even consider it. But he does deserve love and care and happiness, things his father deprived him of in his senseless quest to defy the laws of nature — things he was able to build for himself because he chose to be kind and vulnerable despite his grief.

Season 6 will be terrible on him, but he will come back stronger on the other side. And in doing so, he will send an important message to the core audience of the show: young children who will sooner or later have to mourn a loved one themselves, but will know they can be OK thanks to his example.

And you know, sometimes us adults need a little reminder too. 💚

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piracytheorist · 11 months

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Sometimes Spy x Family things hit me like a sucker punch to the stomach. This time it was about the innocence of each Forger's love.

Anya and Bond are almost by nature innocent in how they express their love; Anya by being a kid, Bond by being a creature that doesn't grasp the concept of greed and malice. They were created and treated as scientific experiments in the past, and being part of the Forgers gives them the opportunity to belong without them having to provide a specific use to the family. They can be safe, protected and taken care of, and they instinctively show a lot of affection towards their carers for that. Anya knows her parents' secrets and Bond has visions of their futures, but nothing stops them from seeing and loving the kind hearts that Yor and Loid (deep down) have. They needed a place to feel safe and nurtured, they got that, and they reciprocate with affection.

Yor feels accepted for being herself. As much as Yuri loves her, his constant idolization of her has very likely caused her some impostor syndrome and a lot of insecurities, as she constantly berates herself whenever she doesn't do something in an absolutely perfect way. But Anya accepts her as a mother immediately, Loid doesn't demand anything from her role as a wife and mother, and they both praise her successes, with Anya being openly affectionate with her. Yor cares for Anya's future and is touched by Loid's care for others. She doesn't have to put up a show (aside from hiding her assassin job) and in fact, their praise inspires her to learn to do better instead of pressuring her. She wants to stay because her contributions will be accepted and appreciated, while at the same time keeping a level head about it. She wants to give and she found a place where that can happen without being judged or overwhelmingly idolized for it.

As for Twilight, living with the Forgers is probably his first time as a spy that someone else's achievements touch him. He's genuinely proud of Anya's bravery and good heart in saving the drowning boy, and Yor's strength and the kind way she uses that to make Anya feel safe are important to him to the point of inspiring him to open up to Yor. He constantly deals with violent and corrupted people, but despite or maybe because of that he appreciates what Anya and Yor are even more. He loves them not for what they provide to him, but for how through tragedy and loss they've kept their kind hearts (something that he feels he lost and is secretly mourning? Maybe?) and how they don't hesitate to give to a world that took and took and took from them.

The beauty in this family is that none of the Forgers ask for what they need (aside from Anya getting the less than bare minimum of having her needs provided for) and yet they get it. They receive it whole-heartedly and it's what makes them treasure their place in the family.

#Spy x Family #sxf meta #the Forgers

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stagefoureddiediaz · 1 year

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Costume Meta 6x13

Was that real - did that episode actually happen or was it all a collective fever dream?!! I”m still sat here with my jaw on the floor trying to process all of the epic goodies we got in that episode, and the costumes were no exception!!!

I’ve spent far too long trying to figure out how to assemble my meta this week, but I’ve just gone with the flow and seen where it take me! Also this beast did not want to be wrangled and my ADHD decided side quests were far more fun and so getting this written has been a real struggle (I came out victorious though which is all that matters) and why its a bit later than normal (we’re not going to talk about my laptop deciding to crash and rebooting to a document that was missing half of what I had written - I couldn’t get it back so sad times!)!!

its under the cut - because as always - its a loooonnnnggggg post!!

We’re starting with the Wilson family (and Chimneys first costume!) because they actually sit separately from the rest of the characters from a costuming perspective this week!

There are a couple of things to note for the opening Wilson family scene which are kind of overarching things. Firstly the fact that Chim and Denny are both dressed in black and grey - a really clever choice when you consider their topic of conversation - fathers and things that have happened that cannot be undone - the grey acts as a form of fade out - kind of like a greyed out button on a computer screen - preventing you from clicking on it. Both Chimneys semi resolved arc (the decision to make his peace with his father and he reality of the situation) and Denny’s current arc echo each other up to this point in time - Chim’s father came back into his life and he made peace with it, Denny’s father is currently (and unknown to everyone) back in his life.

Both Chim and Denny are also wearing chack pattern - chims more hidden and Denny’s down the side - but Hen is also wearing a very loud and bright check pattern - she is the nly one in colour and the test card patterning of her jumper says so mcuh about both check theory and the fact that at this moment in time, she is not active in the plot - not in the conversation Denny and Chim have just had, and not in the Nathaniel of it all either. We know Denny is in danger later on so his check is also foreshadowing that, Hen is also in danger (emotional danger is just as vaild as physical danger) and Chimneys danger is more low key - its closer to his chest - his home being ‘invaded’.

However when Hen does come into play, we get a much more muted tones and we get these, whites, dusty pinks, lilacs and dusty purples, along with teal green trousers. Karen is in a black silk blouse with lilacs in a lilac colour on - this pairs her and Hen up in their respective styles and shows us they are on the same page. Lilacs are an interesting choice of floral and colour - it symbolises youth and innocence as well as love and purity. However Lilacs also mean old love and were often given to and worn by widows in the victorian era as a symbol of lost love and lost innocence! so the black paired with the prolifferation of lilacs (both colour and flowers) are telling that Hen and Karen are no longer ‘innocent’ (by which I mean they have gained knowledge) and they are also mourning the loss of the stable family life they thought they had created.

the choice to have Denny in army green continues a theme we’ve seen with him so far this season - the use of camouflage and army colour-ways to show him as sneaking around going undetected, and now the full on army green reads as an act of aggression - to the family life Hen and Karen have created, as well as to the agreement they had put into place with Nathaniel back in season 2.

I found the choice to have Karen in black with some yellow in her trousers and Hen in very bright emerald green (also with some yellow in her trousers) very interesting. Karens black is carrying on that theme of mourning, but its also a power colour - so its Karen still angry and grieving, but its also her pushing forward. the yellow is her communicating (on a low level) her anger and upset over what has happened.

Hen meanwhile is going full out into jealousy mode - we are seeing a Hen who is feeling threatened by Nathaniel and is jealous of the relationship her son has secretly been building with his bio father. THis is the culmination of all those little hints about the role Hen fills in Denny’s life - that she has been the one supporting and encouraging his sporting interests - thats why we saw Eddie and her throwing a baseball - so she could continue to share a sporting connection and interest wit her son. Hen feels threatened and jealous of Nathaniel’s stepping into that area she previously filled.

The wardrobe department just keep knocking it out of the park with the kids clothes this season. Denny’s mushroom shirt is amazing. Mushrooms are about duality - they represent both decay and deterioration, but also transformation and growth in the darkness. so Denny wearing this shirt here is perfect - he is going through puberty - a time of transformation and his acting out in his sneaking around etc is a symbol of that transformative time. His relationship with his mothers has deteriorated and decayed - they no longer feel like they can trust him, but his conversation with Toni brings him hope and the opportunity for all to grow through this dark time. its a really clever piece of costuming and I love it so much.

Karens dark teal green is interesting - there was actually quite a bit of teal at play in this episode. teal is a colour of clarity the darkness of it here suggests that clarity is coming but not fully in place yet - that Karen is more aware, but not yet fully accepting of the new reality she lives in.

Hens black and beige jumper is a wonderful choice as well - the beige representing neutrality and its being a soothing colour is important - accompanied by the black spots it has the affect of suggesting that the initial anger is passing and giving way to a more open time - one where calmness and the ability to see things more clearly come into play. the fact that this jumper has runs and frayed edges still maintains that idea that this has damaged Hen - that she is scared from this turn of events, even if she is more open to moving forward and accepting of Denny’s desire to have a relationship with his father.

Here we have a Denny in navy blue shirt and a yellow and green palm frond pattern - I thought originally they were bird of paradise flowers when I was watching live, but they are more obvious in the stills! palm fronds are an iinteresting and perfect choice - they are a symbol of peace and triumph - exactly what Denny is experiencing here - triumph in being allowed to see and build a relationship with his father and the resulting peace in his family dynamic that will come as a result.

I know I talk a lot about yellow being a colour of communication - and that still holds - but it is also a colour of anxiety and that very much matches up wit the look on Hens face. Her patchwork camouflage trousers hint at her uncertainty about the situation - she is trying to mask her nervousness and misgivings. These trousers are the same ones she was wearing at her leaving the 118 party - a time when she was also feeling nervous and had misgivings about becoming a doctor. Karen being in a navy jumpsuit with a variety of headdresses on is, again, an interesting choice - headdresses like those depicted are ceremonial (for the most part) and are a symbol of leadership, strength and bravery - perfect for Karen in this moment (and in general).

Just a quick aside before we move onto the ret of the mains! I don’t normally focus on the side and guest characters, but the guy whose wife got a vibrator lodged inside her is wearing the shirt Buck was wearing in his coma dream and that has me both cackling and wide eyed!

The scene in Bucks coma dream where he is wearing this shirt is one of mostly confusion and uncertainty for him - loosely speaking - its when he’s really trying to understand what exactly is going on in this world his mind has built for him - one where after that initial confusion we see him essentially embrace this new reality where he has what he thinks he wants - but what actually turns out to be something else - something that he doesn’t want/need. And here in this scene we have a guy going through the sexual version of the same thing - thinking that this different version of his sex life with his wife will be better - make things better and make her happy, when the reality is that if he’d had an actual conversation with her about it things would more than likely turned out differently. So major props to the wardrobe team for this little gem of a costume reuse!

Maddie rocking the layers here in Black, grey and red - very telling for this scene. layering is generally about protection - in an attempt to deflect something that is making you uncertain or causing anxiety. This is very much what is going on with Maddie here. the red top being the one closest to her skin - the bottom layer, shows that she is happy, in love and in a good place - the red of romance and passion, but it can also be a sign of danger and I think its is a combination of these two meanings here - the danger element coming from the fact that this new neighbour has got Maddie’s spidey senses tingling. The grey hoodie is a little bit of foreshadowing for her later silver top - the grey transforms into silver and becomes reflective (more on that in a moment). Then there is the black blazer - power and mystery. the mystery element is connected to who this woman is/ actually is while the power element is connected to Maddie having the power to control her own destiny in this moment - her returning the muffin tray is about her attempting to assert some authority over the situation. it is worth mentioning that aside from the Black blazer, they have Rhonda dressed in slightly darker versions of the the same colours when she gets caught - red high neck top with a darker grey jacket than Maddie’s hoodie!

Maddie in silver and being reflective is actually kind of a jarring outfit for her -and thats rather the point. Its not a colour we see her in and she wears greys infrequently as well - she tends towards a warmer and brighter palette with the accompanying blacks, so this is out of place for her - it highlights her discomfort and actually there is something in the reflecting of that discomfort towards Athena - the one person who knows exactly what Maddie means about not feeling safe or comfortable in ones own home. The metallic top is also reminiscent of plate armour and suggests Maddie is arming her self - getting ready to protect herself iff needed. Its a top that represents her trauma response bubbling beneath the surface ready to reassert itself if needed.

Buck in yet another grey jumper! honestly I’m beginning to wonder how many more grey jumpers they can find for him to wear!! This one is a much lighter grey than we saw him wear in season 5, and its also lighter than any we’ve seen him in so far in season 6. It follows on nicely from the one we saw him in in 6x12 when he was sleeping on Eddies couch and having meaningful conversations in the kitchen late at night! but it is also tv static grey - it has that fuzzy appearance, which in Buck terms means uncertainty and confusion. This is such an interesting choice for this scene and its vitally important for it as well.

This is Buck outright parenting Chris - completely on his own with no Eddie to be seen. The only other times we’ve seen this happen are during the shooting arc and in 4x08 when Chris runs to Buck after Eddie reveals to Chris he has a girlfriend. Before you all shout at me about the tsunami it doesn’t count because Eddie actively sets up that Buck and Chris time on screen, so his influence remains a part of the scene even if he isn’t present (It is also a trauma event and that means it sits separately). The shooting arc sits separately from this new scene and the 4x08 one by virtue of it being a trauma event - like the tsunami. We also know that Buck looking after Chris like this is a common thing from the canon text, however this is one of the few times we’ve seen it on screen and the first time we see it where Eddie is not even remotely present - making it a step up from the 4x08 scene where he is present via the tail end of a phone conversation.

The grey fuzzy jacket Buck wears in the 4x08 scene is darker and the fact the cookie scene has lighter grey is telling about the level of uncertainty Buck is feeling. this scene is one fraught with potential danger for Buck - his choices could anger or alienate Eddie and erode their relationship if he gets it wrong - he could get accused of stepping in where he doesn’t belong. It could also land a critical blow to his relationship with Chris - what he says could upset him or make Chris feel like Buck isn’t supportive etc, it is a fine line Buck has to tread and he does it masterfully here - giving him the confidence going forward. WE see the results of that in the cookie kitchen scene - Buck bantering with Chris and successfully parenting him - and not being good cop! So here we have costume highlighting the development of Buck and Christophers father son relationship!

The Poker Game!!!!

This gets its own little section because there is a lot going on! to start with I’m going to link to this meta about Bucks costume and this one about Eddies costume, because they still, for the most part, ring true. getting the full scene hasn’t really altered my opinions on their costumes per-say. I’ll add a bit more to them once you get to the stills of them!

We have Chief Miranda Williams in a black sequin and slightly sheer waterfall front top with gold jewellery, and Captain Jeshan Mehta in all black with this dark plum striped tie. A very deliberate choice to have the both of them in full black (except the tie). All of the characters wear black in this scene (Julie only has black shoes so kind of doesn’t count and I’ll explain why when we get to her) Both Buck and Eddie are wearing black shirts/turtlenecks and they are the ones with the power in the game (thanks to Bucks new found math skills) while Chief W and Captain M both have seniority in the real world and therefore power of a different kind. I’d even argue that Chief W has the ultimate power because she wises up and allows the boys to have their fun and thus the power remains with her regardless! the use of a waterfall front top is just another subtle reference to the water theme. the purple tie is also a deliberate choice - purple is the combination of the two jackets Buck and Eddie are wearing - red and blue! Purple is a colour of mystery (much like the black they’re all wearing is) but it’s also a colour of enlightenment and understanding our inner most thoughts and feelings. It being worn by Mehta connects this concept to the shooting and Buck and Eddie finally coming to terms with the realities of it and what it means going forward - them acknowledging their feelings etc and what it means for them, both individually and together.

Julie Rosen in a dark teal asymmetric dress with a high front slit and silver jewellery. Ok so things to focus on with this costume are the asymmetry and the colour teal. Asymmetry represents unbalance (for obvious reasons) and there are a couple of ways to interpret that in this scene - obviously things are unbalanced because Buck has an advantage with his math skills. there is also the fact that Julie is in on the hustle (her comment about Buck being bad at math is deliberate and pointed!) which pits the 3 members of the 118 against Chief Williams and Captain Mehta so its 3v2.

Then there is the teal - a colour of clarity, objectivity, support, earnestness and of being true to oneself. the other thing about teal is that it is a combination of blue and green - a combination of Buck and Eddie’s colours! As a side character and one who is in on the hustle, her costume is supposed to give us more information about our main characters and her dress is really doing that!

So here we have a scene centred on them where we have a connected character wearing a colour that is a combination of their individual colours and one which means clarity etc, the return of Captain Mehta whose name literally means crystal clear and Chief Williams - whose first name is Miranda - which means to be wondered at - can they make it any louder that Buddie is happening if they tried???

Well yes actually they can - because I seem to be doing nearly all of the non main characters tonight, lets talk about the croupier as well! Firstly we need to note her location at the table in relation to Buck and Eddie - she sits opposite them and directly in between them. She is wearing a black shirt with a rusty orangey brown rope pattern woven across it.

I know its not red, but this is yet another example of the show making use of what it can to keep the red string of fate metaphor active. Here we have the rope/string twisted and looped, suggesting things are being tied together and because of her location and the implication is that this poker game is ting Buck and Eddie even more closely together (it really is a date even if neither of them actually realise it!!)

We’ve had so many game, cards and fate metaphors thrown at us across the series, but especially this season, now we’re getting to the business end of things. We have all of the metaphors at play in this one scene - the universe screaming at you (as represented by Mehtas presence), the idea of playing a game to win - when you can’t lose, making the most of the hand you’ve been dealt, the gaining of knowledge and it all being tied up together by the red string of fate - represented by the croupier - who is, like I said, sat in front of and between Buck and Eddie - in front of being the operative point (the future)!

Do you want me to go on with all the subtext in this scene?!!

Then we get to Buck and Eddie - Buck sticking to type and rolling up his long sleeves - taking off his jacket and dressing himself down (a nice touch to add to the mini dressing down he gets from Chief Williams!) but him removing the red jacket is symbolic of him stepping back into himself and his normal role - cracking dumb jokes, being a golden retriever and also reasserts his uncertainty about his future - his desire to become a captain - the theme that has been bubbling along all season.

I will make a more full meta post specifically about Buck and Eddies watches, but for now - we get a better still to scream over! The watch that had been more or less hidden under Bucks sleeves for the duration of the poker game, is now revealed to us once Buck has won his steaks. black leather strap and a white face. black and white - things are black and white - time is black and white - its telling us that Buck is no longer in the dark (all his watches have been fully black up to now) and also that there are no grey areas!

Also they just look epically good so why wouldn’t I add in extra pictures of them for us all to appreciate!!

Everything I said about the choice to have Eddie in a turtleneck holds true - thanks to Joaquin Sedillio telling us that they were inspired by George Clooneys look in oceans 11 - a look that was inspired by golden age Hollywood.

I do want to mention the use of texture in the poker scene and this connects into Bucks burgundy velvet jacket. the scene uses texture very deliberately, only Buck and Chief Williams are wearing anything textured - her texture is rough, while Bucks is soft and smooth (as long as you brush it the right way!) they also contrast each other in terms of look - velvet is a very flat texture - its matt and absorbs light, unlike the sequins which bounce light around and sparkle, drawing the eye and reflecting light. it is the absorbing/ reflection aspect that is the mist interesting because it lays into the idea of showy versus understated - and that is actually giving us hints of Bucks growth - before he was all about being showy - bright and bold and going through the whole fake it till you make it thing and seemingly lacking substance. Now though we see a Buck who is more considered - his brush with death has made him less flashy and more internalised. (I also love that this absorbing concept plays on the fact that he ‘absorbed’ a lightning bolt and lived to tell the tale!!). the other thing about the velvet being absorbing is that it places the focus onto Buck - this scene is all about him and he is absorbing the attention (and revealing in it!)

I’ve put the photo above where I have because of the Athena and Buck connection. Athena wearing a reverse of Bucks poker suit - burgundy top black jacket. The Burgundy has the same meaning that we get with Bucks jacket - the deep love and passion and romance - it is telling us that Bathena are very happy and very in love - that its a deep love. The black leather jacket contrasts with Buck as well - it has a more reflective surface - this scene isn’t about Athena, its about Madney.

So we have a reverse parallel going on between Buck and Athena - something we’ve seen at play many times throughout the seasons combined with Bobby wearing a very Eddie shade of green - that khaki shirt is straight out of the Eddie Diaz playbook and isn’t a shade we see Bobby in that often - he’s often dressed in similarly muted shades to Eddie, but they are never that much of an army colour like this one is. In an episode that shows us Bobby and Athena being in love and happy and finding new things out about each other without any children being a part of the narrative. the show is being pretty on the nose about asking us to draw the parallel - especially when we’ve seen Christopher seeking his own independence.

The blue and green of it all

Honestly the amount of blue and green paralleling going on in this episode was insane! I spent a long time uhming and ahhing about how to present this - to put all the green together followed by the blue, or to keep the coupes together! I’m going to keep this fairly brief as this post is already reaching epic proportions (I write in a very scattered manner so thats how its already super long!!)

Green

First thing to note is that the greens get darker as the episode goes on - we start with Eddie in his khaki olive green, only this one is a much lighter shade and tonally has a lot more yellow going on which actually helps connect him to the first dining table scene and his yellow shirt. Its also important to note that he has his blue face watch on - which I’ve started calling his Christopher watch

This henley is the same one we see him wearing when he is at the Grant Nash house talking to Athena about his Abeula and her being taken advantage of - such a choice by the wardrobe team - foreshadowing the poker game hustle as well as playing on the theme of being taken advantage of and of cards (tarot cards!) they really are going to town with very deliberate repeat costumes since 5b!

We should remember that Hen is also sporting green in this episode - a very bright emerald green as well as Denny in army green and Karen in teal green at various points - they all darken within their own separate arc as well as fitting into the wider arc of the episode (see the Wilson family section at the beginning if you want a reminder).

Chimney wearing army green is showing us that he is ready to fight for his family - for Maddie - so that she can feel safe in her home.

And Bobby rounds out the green in a bottle green tee and jacket combo which is verdant and shows that his relationship with Athena is in full bloom.

This use of green getting increasingly darker is something we’ve been seeing at play throughout the season - we’ve had it with Buck, particularly in relation to the sperm donor storyline, but also in connection with Hen as well as its abundance in the coma dream. Like I’ve said a million times green is generally symbolic of growth and what we’re getting with its use in this episode and more widely this season is a deliberate choice to make that growth even more explicit - whatever story arc its connected to - Buck adn the sperm Donor, Hen and her attempts to connect with Denny so she can be a good parent to him and be supportive, or Bobby and his relationship with Athena and how he is getting a better understanding of her and how that is growing his love for her even more.

Blue

The blue doesn’t follow the same linear trajectory as the green - the colour starts dark, lightens up and then heads dark again in the most general sense, but it also brightens as the episode progresses, .

Athena is in both light blue and dark blue here

while in the same scene Bobby is also in dark blue - they are matching and complimenting each other. Dressing them both in blue at the same time is an indicator of shared trust and loyalty.

Chimney has on a blue jumper here,

which he is wearing over this blue check shirt that we see him in later on, so again dark heading slightly lighter. Check theory was working over time with Chimney in this episode - the only time we see him without check is when he’s in green. That is interesting to me - its making me think that the check is telling us that Chimneys home life is stable and happy, but that his work life might be less so - the blue and the fact that we’ve seen him in check in connection with various members of the firefam in the last couple of episodes - Buck post coma, Hen in this episode, and now Bobby when He and Athena come over for dinner.

Bobby is wearing this dusty blue polo after Rhonda has been caught.

I should point out here that Maddie is wearing a dark khaki green tee underneath her bright blue shirt which is a clever hint at the fact that this playdate she has set up is a trap - Maddie is waging war - fighting for her home and the ability to live in it without fear. The bright cobalt blue indicates ingenuity and enlightenment - playing into the trap that has been set for Rhonda. It is also a happy shade of blue - bright and cheerful it ties into the idea of comfort and contentment and indicates Maddie being able to return to feeling happy and secure in her home.

And finally we have Athena in this cobalt blue running tee and gilet - its a brighter blue than the cobalt of Maddie’s shirt, almost royal blue - it still shares the meaning though - enlightenment and happiness. Its telling us that Athena is finding joy in discovering both her enjoyment of running and her enjoyment of haring an activity with her husband. The otehr thing to note is a contniation of Buck and Athena being paralleled - here we have her in a blue gilet when she flirts and insitgates shower sexy times shortly after we’ve seen Buck attend the sex gone wrong call - wearing a gilet - with him then checking in on his previous relationships and hook ups to see if they were satisfied sexually with him - the loudness is getting louder!

Blue is a colour that has been slowly increasing in frequency for Buck and I have a theory about it - bear with me here because we need to look at when he wears the colour - I’m not going to include them all or I’d be her all day - the ones i’ve excluded are either denim shirts/jackets or where blue is one of the colours rather than the only colour of a top!!

Season 1 - Buck and Abby go on a date - the only time we see Buck wear blue in season 1 and its his blue suit (with a white shirt) Season 2 - Buck wears blue 7 times in season 2 but the two key moments we need to look at come early on in the season 2x01 - the blue henley he’s wearing when he finds Maddie in his apartment - its the first non uniform outfit we see him post Abby leaving and comes after Eddie has been introduced (coincidentally this is the same henley we know we’re going to see Eddie wearing later in the season!). the second one comes in 2x04, when Buck talks to Maddie about Eddie struggling with paperwork to get Chris the help and support he needs (its the boy crush conversation!) Season 3 - Buck also wears blue 7 times in season 3. The 3 we need to focus on are; 3x04 Bucky talks to Chase Mackey and sues the city, 3x06 Bucks return to the 118 post lawsuit and 3x16 - Buck goes to a bar and meets Red. Season 4 - the number of blue shirts goes up dramatically to 10 (especially as its a short season) and we’re interested in 6 of them. 4x03 - games night at he Diaz house when Eddie is dismantling technology and Buck has to do some parenting. 4x05 we have 2 - Peru Buck and the blue jacket he wears when Maddie gives him the postcards he sent her over the years. 4x07 Buck tries dating Veronica. 4x12 Buck, Eddie and Taylor discuss the treasure hunt at Bucks loft (petty Eddie drinking beer scene). 4x14 Buck sleeps on Eddies couch and parents Chris after the shooting. Season 5 Buck wears blue 9 times in season 5 and we’re looking at 5 of them, 5x09 Buck washing up in the loft while Taylor is being distant (pink marigolds scene). 5x11 Buck and Taylor have dinner at the Diaz house - Buck and Eddie argue. 5x13 Maddie’s return from Boston and also Buck breaks down Eddies door and was in the room! 5x18 the blue suit he wears to HenRen’s vow renewal. Season 6, we’re just over half way through and are already up to 19 blue buck outfits!! the key ones are 6x01 - the lasagne kitchen scene. 6x02 post convention locker room talk with Hen, 6x04 Madney apartment Buck tells Maddie about the year of yes, a second one is the navy top he wears when getting drunk with Hen and then the blue striped shirt when he tells C&K he’ll be their donor. 6x07 there are 3 blue shirts when he fails to donate sperm, 6x09 when he tells the firefam that his sperm has helped C&K get pregnant. 6x11 when he comes home from the hospital post lightning strike. 6x12 while he’s trying to recover at his loft and then a second one when he has is appointment with Dr Salazar. 6x13 the superpowers scene.

Eddie also wears Blue at some key moments

Season 3 - 3x03 post tsunami ‘theres no one in the world I trust more with my son than you’ scene. 3x4 - chris wakes from a nightmare. 3x09 therapy with frank. 3x12 Chris has his skateboarding accident and Eddie shouts at Ana. Season 4 - 4x08 Eddie introduces Ana to Chris as his girlfriend. 4x14 - the will reveal. Season 5 - 5x10 Chris has a nightmare. 5x14 dream Eddie in the kitchen serving Chris breakfast. 5x17 talks to Buck about his family - while in Christophers bedroom. 5x18 the suit he wears to HenRen’s vow renewal. Season 6 - 6x08 dressing Chris for his school dance. 6x09, sleeping on the sofa. 6x13 poker night.

Why have I written all of this out you ask - well because I want to show you how all of these scenes (and the ones I’ve not included in the list also fit the theme) are water finding its level related. They are all very key moments when either Buck or Eddie are finding a new level or at turning points - not only in their relationship with each other, but also with Christopher.

All of Eddies wearing of blue connects to Christopher, until the one from this episode - the first time we see Eddie wearing blue while doing something not related to Christopher. I included the dream sequence Eddie in the list because he literally starts coughing up water.

As for Buck - again most of the scenes (even the ones with Maddie) are connected to Eddie and Chris in some way, even if indirectly (lawsuit I’m looking at you) There are a few exceptions - such as Maddies return from Boston, the vow renewal suit, Buck washing up or the sperm donor ones and obviously the one from season 1! I included the Abby date one because Buck chokes on water in that scene and the Taylor washing up scene - Buck literally has his hands in water. The vow renewal is Buck breaking freed of his bad relationship. As for the sperm donor arc, while not directly connected to Eddie or Chris, the parenting connection is a key one - after all much of Bucks journey to finding his level is connected to the idea of parenthood and dad not donor v donor not dad.

As for the lighter blue specifically - which is a post Taylor exclusive colour for Buck and ties into the theme of deepening ones understanding of self and the growth that comes from that - the idea of choosing to be happy. Buck choosing to break free of his depressing relationship was him choosing himself, choosing to be happy. The post Lev dying conversation Buck has with hen in the locker room is about Bucks search for happiness - about him wanting to be happy for himself. The phone call where he reveals that C&K are pregnant - that is him being happy for his friends, but also him feeling the glow of happiness from being able to help them achieve that pregnancy. The blue top we had him wearing in MacArthur park in last weeks episode is showing him choosing to move on from his brush with death - accepting it for what it is and choosing to be happy (whether that s just happy to be alive - something he was clearly grappling with, or a more generalised happiness remains to be seen) that is why we see him looking contemplative - he is choosing to put that life changing event away and accept it for what it is and the chance it has given him to be happy going forward. This theming holds true for other characters too - Athena in light blue is about her happiness - getting her parents sorted in the aftermath of her fathers stroke is making her happy.

So this new light blue top we have Buck wearing (which is the most reminiscent of the one Lev is wearing) is very much about him being happy - we see the joy he feels at being good at something, the happiness he gets from being with his Diaz boys and sharing in happy banter with them and basking in the glow of being part of a family.

Christopher

I’ve saved Christopher for last this week because he also plays into the Blue and green theming - in fact he straddles across the two colours and that makes him interesting.

Firstly we have this seafoam green tee with a pineapple on the pocket. Not only do we have a pineapple though - no we have a pineapple with a sunset scene in the fruit section. Yes you read that right - it is an actual sunset!!! So here we have a physical embodiment of the sunset theme that has been in play since season 4 - a theme that Christopher has always been connected to indirectly - construction on sunset or Bucks heart drawing with sunset colouring and misunderstanding the assignment - both times when Buck has been babysitting and both in some way connected to Christophers homework - Ana teaching Eddie Math in connection to the first one - making the whole Ana being construction on the way to Buck metaphor even more obvious, especially now in light of this new homework scene with a sunset incorporated in it!

The pineapple itself is also interesting - there are a couple of meaning we can attach to its use here. Historically, pineapples were status symbols - they were a show of wealth due to the difficulty in growing them. those who could afford them would display them prominently at dinner parties and the like to show their wealth. Here Christopher is the wealth - he is the thing both Buck and Eddie place most highly. and the scene we see this top in proves that - Christopher being an active part of their conversation about Bucks newfound superpowers - his opinions and comments are a valuable pat of the conversation to both Eddie and Buck. Christophers inclusion, comfort and confidence in this dynamic is being highlighted here - showing the difference to how he was treated in the dynamic between Eddie Chris and Ana.

The modern pineapple meaning is as an emoji - where it is an indicator of relationship status - meaning ‘its complicated’ Need I say more!!!!

Then we have the blue tee from the kitchen cookie scene. A tee with little surfing skeletons on! I’ve said it many times before and I’ll say it again. This show is just so so good at using the kids costumes to tell us things. first up the blue - Bucks colour and its important that Chris is wearing it in this scene where he is alone with Buck. I talked about the buck in grey in both the two scenes where he is parenting with out Eddie, well the same rings true for Chris here - he is in blue for both of the scenes (a pale blue long sleeve tee with the dinosaur wearing sunglasses which show space ships in their reflection). then there is the fact that we have surfboards reappearing on Christophers clothing - the surfing thing has always been connected to Buck in some way - both overtly and covertly. Chris was wearing a shirt with surfers on at Bucks recertification party and the last time he wore something surf related (for definite) was in 4x13 - when Carla returned to the Diaz’s and told Eddie to make sure he was following his heart and not Christophers. The other thing to note is that both of those incidents proceeded a major event - the Tsunami and the shooting. this one has skeletons on and thats making me both nervous and excited. We’ve been saying all season that Chris is due some sort of trauma or incident and I’m now very much expecting it to happen in the next two episodes and for it to be something that pushes Buddie even closer together. those Skeletons are (to me at least) suggesting that the current set up of Bucks relationship with Christopher is about to change - that it will become the old version - a dead version and that post event they will have a new and different form of relationship (as in the father-son thing will become more concrete in the same way that Buck and Bobbys has this season) because all of the surfing theming has been used at moments that have really pushed Buck and Christophers dynamic forward and increased the parent-child bond!

The thing with these to colours is that this season especially, we’ve seen Chris wearing shirts that contain both colours a couple of times - both in and out of dream sequences and both connected to parenting.

We have Chris breaking his punishment and Eddie being an amazing dad. This one is especially close in terms of colours to the two shades from this episode and now I have more context for it, the smashing and merging of the two colours would appear to be foreshadowing the merging of Buck and Eddie as coparents.

And coma Chris - who Buck has to chose to ignore/ leave behind. leaving him feeling guilty, but actually showing that he is a good parent to Chris because he recognises that he can only get back to the real one if he abandons this Chris (a chris who is a representation of Bucks own childhood abandonment issues - and therefore it is showing us Buck breaking the cycle)

In summation - the use of costume and colour was so much more out there in terms of helping with the storytelling and ensuring the Buck and Eddie as a couple message was made loud and clear - more than we’ve ever seen before - its been slowly ramping up and now they’ve taken the breaks off!!

Thank you as always for reading - it really does mean the world to me that you're interested in the costuming of our wee woo show!! I’ll shut up now and let you have your lives back. If you’ve made it through the whole thing then you are my MVP and you get this trophy! 🏆 I’m off to rock in the corner now I’ve finished this epic.

I would tag below but it won’t let me (maybe i wrote too many words 😂 so I’ll be reblogging with the tag list!

Until the next episode! 💜💜💜

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vesemirsexual · 8 months

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Just thinking about how much the “ witcher gamer” community would HATE Ciri if there was a game with a book accurate version of her, she’s queer, shes fierce, wild and arrogant but becomes ruthless and a murder gremlin due to all her trauma, shes not traditionally attractive, has a huge disfiguring scar on her face

And she is the main character, even if she’s not the player character the entire narrative revolves around her

Oh yeah, it’s a thing on Reddit/FB groups where people often ask if Ciri is “sociopathic”/“psychopathic” or surprised that they find her very unlikable after reading the books, which is always kind of funny to me.

Throughout the series there’s a definite theme of girls/young women who experience a severe trauma and then fall into a hateful cycle, and only sometimes having a redemptive moment of realisation that they’re perpetuating the same cycle that enacted violence of them. I also think that this sometimes makes people extremely uncomfortable, because they really do fall far while in this cycle - Falka!Ciri is vicious and filled with hate and enraged. She’s traumatised, lost her childhood and has become a product of the awful things happening to and around her.

Even past that point in her story, people tend to give feedback that she’s bratty or overconfident or annoying and honestly. The entire series is from the ages of about 8-17 (I may be off by a few years here btw!!) for Ciri. Her entire formative years are marked by horrible and traumatising events. I think a lot of people fall into the idea of “good victims” - people who go through trauma and come out kind and sweet and helpful and that their experiences made them ultimately a better person. Which realistically…is not the case for most people.

I’ve also seen Reddit argue a lot that Ciri isn’t actually a bisexual/queer woman, based on the fact that her relationship with Mistle is abusive and often reads like Stockholm Syndrome. I don’t think Sapkowski has ever officially labelled her sexuality and has left it open to interpretation. For me, this feeds back into the points earlier: Ciri is heavily traumatised and she’s also extremely young when all of this is happening, so I can somewhat agree that a definitive read on her sexuality could be hard. However, despite the fact their relationship is extremely fucked up, Ciri does clearly develop feelings for Mistle, and actively mourns her as a lover and partner. Regardless of the start of that relationship, I think it’s naive to say that Ciri didn’t have very real feelings for her?

Also yeah, I can’t ever see Ciri being what is considered “traditionally” attractive. The scar across her face repeatedly is linked to being a giant ugly symbol of the loss of her innocence and childhood, and considering the timeline of care it receives, I don’t ever see it being a small thing even as she gets older. She also spends again, a considerable amount of her youth on the run, under extreme stress and in undesirable conditions, which isn’t exactly conducive to what most people consider attractiveness. Additionally, considering how she’s reduced repeatedly to a sexual object and objectified, I really can’t see Ciri running around with her chest out as per games.

Ciri is honestly such a fascinating and complex character and I do think it’s sad that you can’t really get all of that from the games due to the perspective + difficulties in portraying that through the given platform. I do always hope that more people read the books for Ciri alone, because I’m always excited for content that fleshes her out with that level of development ❤️

#sorry I went on a ramble anon you had me thinking!!!#katie txt #ciri

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da-bees · 11 days

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Undertale AU Characters as Flowers

So i got hyperfixated on flowers meanings and it has taken over my life so here is my favorite little guys as flowers

Flower meanings are based on the flower and then its color, so like red roses mean something different than yellow roses, but both relate to love. Also differnt cultures have different meanings for flowers. This was a nightmare to reasearch, lots of conflicting info.

(Note that some flowers seemingly have confilcting meanings, this is cause often their meanings can be affected by what other flowers are around them, like in a bouquet and shit. Also i will not accepting criticism :) )

Anyways lets go!

Ink - Marigolds

So marigolds represent joy, excitement, creativity and Energy, while also being associated with grief, despair, and mourning. This fits Ink very well, he a very bright person while having one of the fucking sadesst backstory like ever. Also they are assocatied with protection and I think that fun with his protecter of the multiverse thing.

Blue - Bluebells & Blue Dahlias

Bluebells represent resilience, strength, overcoming adversity, growth, along with humility, constancy, gratitude, and kindness. This feels kinda self explaintory cause Blue is a very power dude and a very kind person, so bluebells are perfect for him

I picked blue dahlias mainly for their symbolism of standing out from the crowd, though its other meanings also apply, change, strength, fresh start, inner strength, positive change, and commitment. Cause like out of the whole mutiverse of Sans and even other swaps Blue managed to fight along side some of the most power people and holds up against people like Nightmare and Error. He is truly unquie to the other swaps and i wanted this flower to represent that. Can you tell i really like Blue. (Also ignore that true blue dahlias dont exist, truly wild that one can find flower meanings for a flower that doesn't exist, there are blueish green dahlias :P )

Dream - Yellow Chysanthemums & Purple Hyacinths

Yellow chysanthemums represent happiness, joy, celebration, the sun. light, friendship, and optism, along with neglected love, sorrow, rebirth, and protector. This fits really well with Dream cause on the surface he is a sweet cheerful guy, literally the embodiment of postitivity but he also feels a lot of grief and guilt for what happen to his brother. Which is further emphasized by the purple hyacinths, wich repesent sorrow, regret, and a desire foe forgiveness. Also by complete accident his flowers are yellow and purple, like how he and nightmare were when they were kids.

Nightmare - Astrantia, Black Dahlias, & Black Roses

So the astrantias reprsent passive, cause like they represent strength, innocence, courage, magic, and protection, along with assocaitions with stars and the night sky. It represents all he couls have been if not for what happened. very sad

Now for the black dahlias and roses. Black dahlias represent betrayal, saddness, change, beauty, power, and negative emotions. Black roses represent death, despair, hatred, revenge, mourning, loss, rebirth, tragedy, regret, elegance, and mystery. these represent who is becomes after his corruption and the "death" of passive, he's angry and hurting and he lashes out at those around him. He feels betrayed both by the villagers and by Dream, but he is also mourning who he was and his brother. Also he's hot and powerful so like.

Anyways ill do the rest later cause its like 2:30 and im tired.

#dream sans #ink sans #swap sans #blue sans #nightmare sans #undertale au #flower meanings #also like all of these may not be acurate but that has never stopped me before #I have the stuff for the rest of the bad sanes geno reaper and fresh #but i have to do stuff tomorrow that like need me aware and not sleep deprived #goin to a funeral :(

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antianakin · 4 months

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I saw that in the tags of my post about Bariss and Ahsoka you said you think Ahsoka should've been the bomber. So, out of curiosity how would you have had the Wrong Jedi arc play out with this premise in mind?

I've actually already written it and the tag for it is darksider Ahsoka AU.

Basically, Ahsoka is pushed so far in her guidance under Anakin that she just gets fed up with the Order (same general motivations as they gave Barriss in canon, it just makes more sense when it's Ahsoka) and she tries to frame ANAKIN for it so that the Order turns on him and he has to leave. Except that Anakin is better at proving his own innocence than Ahsoka is and it doesn't go well. Anakin figures out it's her but instead of getting caught and sent to prison, he just refuses to leave with her and then basically lets her run and she spends the next 15 years or so just kinda being a loner out in the galaxy, having to hide her connections to the Jedi. I imagine she winds up having to take jobs like bounty hunting sometimes because she just needs the money and work and she's got the requisite skills.

Eventually, she meets up with the Ghost crew during the Rebels timeline and it's the first time she's interacting with a Jedi since the Temple bombing and it hits her HARD (she's been a selfish person kind-of languishing in darkness for a while, but the part of her that used to be a Jedi ACHED when Order 66 happened and has mourned that loss the entire time but she's refused to acknowledge it as such and so it's basically a steadily bleeding wound that never heals). She can't help but keep coming back to them when opportunity allows, even though she's always kind-of an asshole and pretends like she doesn't like them. Ultimately they all end up on Malachor together and Ahsoka has to see Anakin as Vader, but she's SUCH a different person that she doesn't try to stay with him. She's ANGRY when she sees this truth, caught between fury that he only left the Order AFTER she did, that she wasn't ENOUGH for him to leave the Order for, and horror at what he did to the Jedi and what he's still doing to the galaxy. She ultimately just leaves with Kanan and Ezra rather than staying on Malachor and then comes back with them to Chopper Base where she joins the Rebellion on a probationary basis.

This is also the AU where I just roleswapped Barriss and Ahsoka, so Barriss ends up becoming the Rebel spy who comes into the Rebels storyline around season 2. I believe I called her Pyrite instead of Fulcrum, though. She also is WITH Luminara when Order 66 happens and so Luminara is never captured by the Empire and used to lure other Jedi to their doom. I'm fairly certain I ended up having Luminara and Barriss discover and rescue Reva and Trilla from the Inquisitors and took them on as apprentices of sorts, so Reva and Trilla are ALSO Jedi by the time Rebels is happening.

This means that Barriss is around when Ahsoka joins the Rebellion and it ended up a Barrissoka AU eventually.

It's an AU I came back to a lot to kind-of explore how a bunch of different characters are impacted by this change and what their thoughts are on Ahsoka (and Anakin) within this new universe. I haven't come back to it in a while, and things sort-of evolved as I kept thinking on it, so it may not be super coherent, but the bare bones concept is still one I like a lot.

#ahsoka tano #star wars #barriss offee #barrissoka #darksider ahsoka au

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kaleidescopeghost · 5 months

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CW: Child loss, talk of abduction and child death, mourning loss of a child (stardew valley shrine of selfishness use, no actual death. The kid is just a dove now.)

Potential unreality? (I say "You Know What You Did" repeatedly for drama/humor. These are not actual accusations. Ily keep yourself safe! This is just a mod idea!)

Fucked up Stardew valley mod where if you use the shrine of selfishness, your spouse/Krobus notices your child has gone missing and the next two-three years they are thrown into a panic and the assumption is that they've been lost or kidnapped but in all actuality you know exactly what's happened to your baby. It's the talk of the town, nobody knows who they should be supisious of, I mean... Who would do that to the innocent, beloved farmer's family? In such a kind and quiet town! You know what you did.

The news kindly mentions your child throughout the month to keep people on the lookout for this poor, lost kid. Maybe there's some request tasks on and off that are supposed to aid in looking for your child but they taper off over the years as hope is lost and people ultimate, with shame, lose interest. You console your partner as they go through their grief and over time, as your child is nowhere to be found, it may be assumed that they are dead. Year five. The request tasks have stopped coming in. Nobody mentions your baby anymore. Things have come to quiet. Everyone but your spouse has moved on and now and again they will mention how they miss their child in a moment of what is understood to be a deep, unrelenting depression they keep in the dark. They leave town for therapy on Thursdays. Maybe in a few more years they'll want to try again, for another child to love. One they will hold onto forever so this never happens again. They want to make up for their neglect to you. They blame themselves, they were supposed to be watching them. You will always know what you did. Sometimes late at night you see a morning dove. Stalking you from the branches of a nearby tree. Waiting. You know what you did.

#sdv #sdv mods #stardew valley #stardew valley mods #revisit

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merymoonbeam · 1 year

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I had to give me up - Elain Prison Theory

Firstly thanks to @lesolehabitantdelalune and @offtorivendell because without them I wouldn't have catch this.

Okay...so we all know Amren came from another universe and had a different form. Old fae feared her because they thought she was like their old masters.

Rhys shook his head. “Only vaguely now. From what I’ve gleaned, she arrived during those years before Fionn and Gwydion rose, and went into the Prison during the Age of Legends—the time when this land was full of heroic figures who were keen to hunt down the last members of their former masters’ race. They feared Amren, believing her one of their enemies, and threw her into the Prison. When she emerged again, she’d missed Fionn’s fall and the loss of Gwydion, and found the High Lords ruling.” (acosf)

And from Acowar we know that Amren got out of Prison because she gave up her "real" form to be fae. In here she says that to walk out of Prison she had give herself up.

Her brows narrowed. “I had to give something up. I had to give me up. To walk out, I had to become something else entirely, something the Prison would not recognize. So I—I bound myself into this body.” (acowar)

and this part she is talking about being different from her kind. she wanted.

“I lied—to cover what I’d done. So none could know. To escape the Prison, I made myself mortal. Immortal as you are, but … mortal compared to—to what I was. And what I was … I did not feel, the way you do. The way I do now. Some things—loyalty and wrath and curiosity—but not the full spectrum.” Again, that faraway look. “I was perfect, according to some. I did not regret, did not mourn—and pain … I did not experience it. And yet… yet I wound up here, because I was not quite like the others. Even as—as what I was, I was different. Too curious. Too questioning. The day the rip appeared in the sky … it was curiosity that drove me. My brothers and sisters fled. Upon the orders of our ruler, we had just laid waste to twin cities, smote them wholly into rubble on the plain, and yet they fled from that rip in the world. But I wanted to look. I wanted. I was not built or bred to feel such selfish things as want. I’d seen what happened to those of my kind who strayed, who learned to place their needs first. Who developed… feeling. But I went through the tear in the sky. And here I am.” (acowar)

It is not a full connection but Amren talks about "wanting" as something foreign to her kind. They were not supposed to feel those. And you have Elain...as mama archeron had said

"Elain is pleasant to look at but she has no ambition. She does not dream beyond her garden and pretty clothes. She will be an asset on the marriage market for us one day, if that beauty holds, but it will be our own maneuverings, Nesta, not hers, that win us an advantageous match" always a pawn in other people's hand. (acosf)

Or What Rhys had said

Rhys asked, “Have you ever seen Elain act like that before?” “No.” I chewed on my bottom lip. Rhys’s gaze tracked the movement. I mean, she’s been brave when she had to be, but she’s never been confrontational.” “Maybe she was never given the chance to be that way.” I whipped my head toward him. “You think I stifle her?” Rhys held up his hands. “Not you alone.” He surveyed the study as he thought. “But I wonder if everyone has spent so long assuming Elain is sweet and innocent that she felt she had to be that way or else she ’ d disappoint you all.” He sighed toward the ceiling. “ With time and safety, perhaps we ’ll see a different side of her emerge.” “That sounds dangerously close to what Nesta said about Elain finally becoming interesting.” “Sometimes, Nesta isn’t wrong. ” I glowered at Rhys. “You think Elain's boring?” “I think she’s kind, and I’ll take kindness over nastiness any day. But I also think we haven’t yet seen all she has to offer.” A corner of his mouth tugged upward. “Don’t forget that gardening often results in something pretty, but it involves getting one’s hands dirty along the way.” (acosf feysand bonus chapter)

and the way Elain's arc is choice...

okay back to amren scene.

“And you gave all that up to get out of the Prison?” Mor asked softly. “I yielded my grace—my perfect immortality. I knew that once I did … I would feel pain. And regret. I would want, and I would burn with it. I would … fall. But I was—the time locked away down there … I didn’t care. I had not felt the wind on my face, had not smelled the rain … I did not even remember what they felt like. I did not remember sunlight.” It was to Azriel that her attention drifted—the shadowsinger’s darkness pulling away to reveal eyes full of understanding. Locked away. (acowar)

The fact that Amren connects to Azriel with it. The way both were locked away...(Janet is sick for this.)

Now...how Amren and prison ties to Elain. We all know Elain has so many prison quotes and every sister conquer a mountain.

Feyre with UTM

Nesta with Ramiel

Elain and Prison...

so while Amren was talking her "new body" in acofas and how difficult it was to go to toilet(lol) Elain cuts in with her question.

Mor opened her mouth, laughter dancing on her face, but Elain asked, “Could you have done it? Decided to take a male form?” The question cut through the laughter, an arrow fired between us. Amren studied my sister, Elain’s cheeks red from our unfiltered talk at the table. “Yes,” she said simply. “Before, in my other form, I was neither. I simply was.” “Then why did you pick this body?” Elain asked, the faelight of the chandelier catching in the ripples of her golden-brown braid. “I was more drawn to the female form,” Amren answered simply. “I thought it was more symmetrical. It pleased me.” Mor frowned down at her own form, ogling her considerable assets. “True.” Cassian snickered. Elain asked, “And once you were in this body, you couldn’t change?” Amren’s eyes narrowed slightly. I straightened, glancing between them. Unusual, yes, for Elain to be so vocal, but she’d been improving. Most days, she was lucid—perhaps quiet and prone to melancholy, but aware. Elain, to my surprise, held Amren’s gaze. Amren said after a moment, “Are you asking out of curiosity for my past, or your own future?” The question left me too stunned to even reprimand Amren. The others, too. Elain’s brow furrowed before I could leap in. “What do you mean?” “There’s no going back to being human, girl,” Amren said, perhaps a tad gently. “Amren,” I warned. Elain’s face reddened further, her back straightening. But she didn’t bolt. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I’d never heard Elain’s voice so cold. (acofas)

Elain asks too many detailed questions. And we see that Amren takes this her wanting to go back to being human...but Elain is confused. As if it couldn't be more further from her mind. She is asking specific questions. And this takes us back to the theory...why was she asking?

From Amren's explanations about how she escaped the prison she says "I had to give me up. To walk out, I had to become something else entirely, something the Prison would not recognize." so what if...Elain will get trapped in prison and she has to give something up too? this is why she was asking? what if she saw something in a vision and was trying to see if she would had to give something up and was trying to see if she would come back from it?

Another thing is...Elain is always described as a trembling fawn. She is even in the prophecy from acomaf.

Life and death and rebirth Sun and moon and dark Rot and bloom and bones Hello, sweet thing. Hello, lady of night, princess of decay. Hello, fanged beast and trembling fawn. Love me, touch me, sing me. (acomaf)

there is so many theories about this prophecy but I take it as BoB was talking about Elain in that pink highlighted part...so what if fanged beast is what elain would become? Amren said in acowar "I had to give me up. To walk out, I had to become something else entirely, something the Prison would not recognize.". So what if Elain has to become Fanged beast to escape prison? And Elain asked Amren in acofas "Elain asked, “And once you were in this body, you couldn’t change?” what if this what she was asking... that she would turn into fanged beast.?

another thing is that... there is a parallel scene with Elain asking question to Amren with Nesta. It is just so similar. look at the same highlighted parts.

This is the Elain scene:

and this is the nesta scene:

Nesta only said, “Why do your eyes glow?” Little curiosity—just a blunt need for explanation. And no fear. None. Amren angled her head. “You know, none of these busybodies have ever asked me that.” Those busybodies were trying not to look too concerned. As was I. Nesta only waited. Amren sighed, her dark bob swaying. “They glow because it was the one part of me the containment spell could not quite get right. The one glimpse into what lurks beneath.” “And what is beneath?” None of the others spoke. Or even moved. Lucien, still by the window, had turned the color of fresh paper. Amren traced a finger along the rim of her goblet, her red-tinted nail gleaming as bright as the blood inside. “They never dared ask me that, either.” “Why.” “Because it is not polite to ask—and they are afraid.” Amren held Nesta’s stare, and my sister did not balk. Did not flinch. “We are the same, you and I,” Amren said. I wasn’t sure I was breathing. Through the bond, I wasn’t sure Rhys was, either. “Not in flesh, not in the thing that prowls beneath our skin and bones …” Amren’s remarkable eyes narrowed. “But … I see the kernel, girl.” Amren nodded, more to herself than anyone. “You did not fit—the mold that they shoved you into. The path you were born upon and forced to walk. You tried, and yet you did not, could not, fit. And then the path changed.” A little nod. “I know—what it is to be that way. I remember it, long ago as it was.” Nesta had mastered the Fae’s preternatural stillness far more quickly than I had. And she sat there for a few heartbeats, simply staring at the strange, delicate female across from her, weighing the words, the power that radiated from Amren … And then Nesta merely said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Amren’s red lips parted in a wide, serpentine smile. “When you erupt, girl, make sure it is felt across worlds.” (acowar)

both asking amren a question

Amren talks about them and compares to what she thinks is true

at the end "I don't know what you're talking about"

Like Amren predicted Nesta erupted at the end of acosf and it was felt across worlds but the difference is Amren thinks that Elain wants to be human again. She is wrong...Rhys' words come in this time too. " “Maybe she was never given the chance to be that way.” I whipped my head toward him. “You think I stifle her?” Rhys held up his hands. “Not you alone.” He surveyed the study as he thought. “But I wonder if everyone has spent so long assuming Elain is sweet and innocent that she felt she had to be that way or else she ’ d disappoint you all.” "

Everyone keeps assuming about Elain but...nobody knows the real her.

So...Elain is getting trapped in prison. HOW FUN!!!!!!

thanks for reading.

#elain archeron #I'm scared for my flower girl #this post was on my mind since november so here you go.#prison theory #amren #is it considered crack theory if it is connected to quotes? who knows....#anywaysss.#elriel

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dirtytransmasc · 1 year

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things I've been thinking about since writing The Little Warrior:

ao'nung had taken to the idea of having spider as his advisor and right hand when he became olo'eyktan. While they had only been taught together for the duty for a short time, and spider had only been to a single ceremony, ao'nung is terrified to take on his duty alone.

ravi is torn between keeping his unspoken promise to spider, protecting ao'nung, and the promise he made to himself and his sister, doing whatever it took to avenge their brother.

neytiri didn't say goodbye, partly because she was too stuck in her own head reliving neteyam's death, but also because she felt like she didn't deserve to give herself that closure.

spider was Z dog's miracle child, the child she always wanted but was never allowed to have, and he was taken from her by the same people who took away her chance to have her own baby in the first place.

tonowari feels like he has to be strong for his family, his village, his world. he won't let himself mourn because he feels like he needs to remain available for his mate and children, for his people, his warriors. spider's death took one of the biggest tolls on him too, despite being a big stoic guy, he was so soft for his children, they made him weak; his most fragile child was the most proof of this. he continued to survive as a husk, putting his all into others because if he started mourning, crying, he would never stop and he would die without doing anything to avenge spider, to protect.

Reyzi would be dead before the end of the war. there would never come a point where she believed spider was avenged. if her life wasn't taken, she would probably take it herself.

tsireya would become unrecognizable, the previously pacifistic healer in training becoming a honed warrior, driven only by her grief. she had seen one too many people die in front of her because of the demons.

jake will always wish it was him.

lo'ak wants to do whatever it takes to end the war that made him the eldest brother, but knows that both spider and neteyam would have his ass if he left tuk all alone.

tuk was born into war and has only known fear and death since she was little. she lost 2 siblings, parts of her remaining family, home, and sense of innocence to it.

spider will know more about kiri's parents (grace and eywa) than she will for a potentially long time.

lo'ak found out that physical pain numbs the emotional kind the day he lost spider, and it fuels him for the rest of the war. he knows he can make the pain of his loss go away no matter if he wins or loses the fight.

quaritch was saved by spider, given family, home, happiness, and he couldn't save him in return.

spider will have to watch his family die and his planet be ravaged by war before being joined by his 'other half' and he'll be hit with all those memories all over again.

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starryevermore · 1 year

Text

following orders: the goggles (1) ✧ tech

following orders ✧ a tech bad batch story | ao3

inspired by: a conversation with @captainsbestgal

pairing: tech x fem!reader

series summary: you don’t want to live in a galaxy where the love of your life, tech, does not exist. but, you can’t abandon your already grieving family. you devote all of your energy to helping hunter and wrecker save omega from the empire and, perhaps, save the wayward crosshair along the way. but the longer you look for the youngest member of the bad batch, the more you suspect that your lost love is not as lost as you once believed.

chapter summary: the aftermath of plan 99.

word count: 7,223

series warnings?: spoilers for “plan 99”, plan 99, canon-typical violence, hurt tech, canon divergent, fix it fic, angst, grief/mourning, torture, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, relationship discussions, mutual pining, clone troopers speak mando’a, depression, suicide ideation, memory loss, brainwashing, jealousy, not proofread

chapter warnings?: mention of tech’s death, grief, mourning, suicide ideation, not proofread

“When have we ever followed orders?”

You cradled Omega in your arms as the Marauder traveled through hyperspace. You weren’t sure if you should still be holding her. She’d been gravely injured, and you have enough first aid training to know that it’s safer to let a person be stabilized than to constantly be adjusting them. But holding onto her, your pseudo-daughter, was the only thing grounding you in this moment. And, perhaps a bit delusional at the moment, you told yourself that, when traveling through hyperspace, maybe it was safer to hold onto her than to let her little body be whipped around the ship—not that her brothers would do that. Not now. Not after everything that’s happened.

“When have we ever followed orders?”

A tear slipped down your cheek. You raised one hand, quick to wipe it away, before returning to holding Omega. You couldn’t cry. Not now. If you cried…That meant it was real. And it couldn’t be real. He couldn’t have…No. He was fine. He was okay. He piloting the ship, he was making last-second calculations to ensure a safe landing. He was…He was not with you. Not now. Not ever. Even if he had beat the odds, used that brilliant mind of his to calculate just the right way to fall…You all left him. You weren’t sure anyone could survive in the wilderness below, even someone as brilliant as him.

“When have we ever followed orders?”

Hunter walked up to you. His face was void of his emotion, save for his eyes. Hunter could play the stoic leader all he liked, but his eyes would always tell a different story. The man was barely holding it together. You could hardly blame him. Losing Tech…No one had seen that coming. No one saw him making the sacrifice play. He was supposed to be on the ship with you. How did he expect you to move on when he meant everything to you? When there was still so much left unsaid?

“When have we ever followed orders?”

Hunter sat down beside you. Omega’s head rested in your lap. He reached down, stroking her blonde curls. He needed this, too. Everything that all of you did was to ensure that Omega would live, that she might one day get to see a peaceful galaxy. Or, when that was too large a task, at least that she would live a peaceful life. That she wouldn’t become a soldier in an unwinnable war. But what was the point in that when all she’d experienced since joining you and her brothers was unspeakable loss? No kid deserved that, especially not one as kind and innocent as her.

“We’ll be landing soon,” Hunter said.

You swallowed, trying to choke down any sob that threatened to escape. “Are you sure this is a good idea? When we were…When we were on Safa Toma, Millegi told us that Cid can’t be trusted.”

Hunter kept his gaze focused on Omega. You weren’t sure, but you thought that he kept his head downturned so that you wouldn’t see any tears that were close to falling. “I don’t see how we have any choice. She needs proper medical treatment. AZI is the only one I trust to make sure…”

To make sure she didn’t die. He couldn’t finish the sentence, but you could feel the weight of it. It nearly suffocated you. You couldn’t lose anymore of your family. The galaxy could not be so cruel as to take another from you. You wouldn’t let it.

“I just worry that Cid will do something. We cut off all communication with her. We may have once been in her good graces, but I don’t know what will happen if she sees us again.”

“I know. But, she has a soft spot for the kid,” Hunter said. His hand fell from Omega’s hair, stroking her cheek. Though still unconscious, she let out a whine. You weren’t sure if it was one of pain, or if she recognized that her father figure was present. “I can only hope that that will grant us some favor.”

“If it doesn’t?”

Hunter’s jaw clenched. He lifted his head, finally looking at you. His eyes were glassy, but hard. With a sort of ferocity you only ever heard from him on the battlefield, he said, “I won’t let anyone take her from us.”

The Marauder jerked slightly as it entered Ord Mantell’s atmosphere. While Echo was more than a capable pilot, he lacked some of the finesse that Tech possessed. Or perhaps you were hyperaware now of every move, every jump, every jerk. It felt like your senses were on fire. Like you had to perceive everything so that you didn’t have to picture his face.

Within minutes of entering the atmosphere, the Marauder landed. Hunter stood, then held out his arms to carry Omega. It was a kind gesture, and maybe he wanted to carry her because he also needed to be grounded. But you knew that if you let go of her, for even a second, you would collapse and never want to get up again. So, you shook your head, adjusting your grip on the young girl, so that you were cradling her in your arms as you stood. It was an effort, you had to admit. You were strong, but that did not compare to the strength of a genetically enhanced clone trooper. But the pain, the burn of your muscles, was one of the only things reminding you were alive, that Omega was alive.

Echo and Wrecker were already waiting outside the ship when you and Hunter emerged. Echo looked much like you and Hunter—stoic, but barely holding it together. Wrecker, on the other hand…The poor guy must have spent the entire journey crying. Tear tracks stained his face, his eyes all red and puffy. Even the tip of his nose was a bright red. When he saw you carrying Omega, he immediately reached out. And, oh, he needed this much more than you. You let him take Omega from your arms, a sob escaping his lips as he held her.

“I’m going to stick with the ship,” Echo said. “Make sure everything’s in working order for when we leave.”

You shared a glance with Hunter. You wanted to say, We might be here a while. Or, you should probably be checked out by AZI, too. We all need help right now. Perhaps even, Please don’t leave us now. But, everyone grieves in their own way. If this was Echo saying he needed to grieve alone, who were you to deny him that?

Hunter said, “Keep your comm on and close by. We might need a quick getaway.”

Echo nodded, then turned back to the ship. You watched as his shoulders sagged as he walked back up. You and Echo were never the closest on the team, but you knew enough of his life before the Batch that losing a member of the team hit him hard. Perhaps when Omega was healed, when you all left this Maker-forsaken planet, you would talk to him. Maybe convince him to stick around a little while longer before rejoining Rex. You couldn’t make him stay forever, but you all were his family. This was not the time to be splitting up for an undetermined length of time.

Hunter squeezed your shoulder, letting you know it was time to go to Cid’s. You let out a shuddering breath, kept your gaze focused on your feet, as you walked the streets to the oh-so-familiar parlor. The entire walk, you tried working on keeping a straight face. You knew you couldn’t hide what happened from Cid—she was far too perceptive to not notice you all were down a man—but you didn’t dare show weakness in front of her. You were already certain a betrayal was on the horizon. You refused to give her anymore ammunition to hurt you with.

The parlor was empty when you arrived, save for Bolo and Ketch. Ketch’s eyes widened when he saw the four of you. You could only imagine how much of Cid’s wrath they had experienced when you all never returned. Bolo’s eyes flicked toward the bar, and you followed his gaze. Cid was wiping down the counter. It seemed like she hadn’t noticed you all yet, but you knew Cid well enough to know she was waiting for one of you to make the first move.

“Is AZI around?” you asked as you approached the bar.

Cid’s eyes flicked up, a snarky remark on the tip of her tongue. But then she saw Omega in Wrecker’s arms, the pained look on his face. Instead of her usual sarcasm, she asked, “What happened to Tiny?”

You looked at Hunter. You weren’t sure how much he wanted to reveal to the Trandoshan. If it was up to you, you would give her nothing. But he was calling the shots, and he might think it better to give something so that she would be more inclined to let the med droid tend to Omega.

“Mission gone wrong,” was all he offered. “She needs to see AZI now.”

Cid nodded her head toward her office. “He’s in the back doing inventory. Do what you need to do. But when the kid’s taken care of, we need to have a talk about best communication practices.”

You narrowed your eyes at her, a snarky remark of your own on the tip of your tongue, but you held back. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, and all that. If Cid’s concern for Omega was the only thing keeping her from throwing you out, or worse, throwing you to the Empire, you could hold your tongue. For, at least, long enough to let AZI tend to Omega’s wounds.

You started for the back, Wrecker and Hunter following close behind. But you didn’t make it far before Cid stopped you all again.

“Wait. One of youse is missing.” When you looked back at her, Cid’s eyes were flitting between the three of you. “Is Goggles on the ship or something?”

You decided to borrow Hunter’s words, and only offered her, “Mission gone wrong.”

Oh, what an understatement that was. But she didn’t deserve to be privy to the details. She didn’t have the right to know of the pain that stabbed at you, that bit and clawed at your heart, reminding you that you were alive instead of him. She was not a friend. She was hardly an acquaintance. If you couldn’t even talk to your own family about the ache you felt, why should she get to know?

True to her word, though, AZI was flitting around the back, taking stock of the various liquors that Cid ordered for the parlor. He lifted his head when he heard you all approach. You might have been imagining things—and you surely were, because droids don’t express emotions in the same way as sentient beings—but the med droid almost looked happy to see you. Part of you had felt bad for leaving him behind with Cid. He had been Omega’s friend after all. But, Hunter wasn’t keen on returning to Ord Mantell back then. Not after the incident at the ipsium mines. You could hardly blame him, so you didn’t push. Now, you wish you had. If you had come back for AZI all those rotations ago, he would have already been on the ship or at least on the sanctuary that was Pabu. There would have been no need to come back here and endanger your family’s lives any further.

“Oh! I was wondering when you were coming back!” AZI chirped, coming around the many boxes. “Cid had not been very happy when you all didn’t return. But I knew you would come back! And I was right! I knew that if you left, you wouldn’t leave me behind.”

“We need your help,” Hunter said, ignoring the droid’s words. He had previously been standing in front of Wrecker, shielding the droid’s view of the injured Omega. Now, he stepped out of the way. “Omega got hurt, and it’s gonna take more than a few bacta patches to fix her up.”

AZI stared. You could almost sense the hurt he could be feeling. Whether it was at the knowledge that you all weren’t there for him or that his friend was knocking on death’s door, you couldn’t be sure. “I see. I shall get started then.”

You reached out, your fingers grazing the droid. If he could have blinked at you in confusion, you were sure he would have. “Thank you. And…I’m sorry.”

“No need for apologies or gratitude. This is what I’m here for.”

You weren’t sure how long you watched AZI tend to Omega. It felt like days—long, agonizing days as he flitted around her—though you doubted it was any longer than a few hours. You had lost track of time. Between watching him fix up Omega and occasionally tending to you, Hunter, and Wrecker when he needed time for the medicine to work its magic on her, it all kind of felt like a dream. Or, really, a nightmare. The crushing weight of this reality was starting to settle on your chest. You didn’t like this. You didn’t like it at all.

At some point, Hunter brought you some breads and a glass of water. “Eat,” he said, ordering you like you were a soldier. You and him both knew that you would ignore him if he asked. “He wouldn’t want you to starve.”

You let out a quiet huff of a laugh, if you could even call it that. “He would talk about the benefits of a well-balanced diet, go on about how the food here was hardly sustenance, but that fed is best.”

Hunter wiped away a tear that rolled down your cheek. You’d hardly noticed it. How long had you been crying? You’d been so sure that you were holding it together still. “We’ll get through this.” He nodded his head at the door, gesturing to where Wrecker had disappeared after AZI put his neck in a brace. Wrecker had been placing a huge amount of space between you and him. The guilt must have been hurting him, too—even if he had nothing to feel guilty for. “Wrecker and I were talking about staying on Pabu full time, after Omega is fixed up.”

“What about Crosshair?”

Hunter’s jaw clenched. “I can’t trust that his message wasn’t a trap. I’m not going to lose any more of my family on the chance that he’s switched sides. He’s given no indication that he wanted to join us before.”

“It’s not a trap. I know it’s not.” Perhaps it was a low blow, being so close to the incident, but you couldn’t stop yourself from saying, “Tech knew it wasn’t a trap.”

Hunter swallowed, hard. You watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed. Then— “Tech…died so his family could be safe. I’m honoring his wishes.”

“Crosshair is part of this family. His message, it was a sign that he still cared. That despite everything, he still cares.”

Hunter started to argue, but his mouth snapped shut when Omega groaned. He shot you a look—this wasn’t over. But the conversation would have to be tabled for another day.

You squeezed his shoulder. “We can go to Pabu if that’s what Omega wants. Whatever she chooses, I’ll respect.”

“Hunter?” Omega managed to say. She said your name as she realized you sat beside him.

Hunter immediately leaned over her, stroking her hair. You reached out, taking one of her hands, giving it a squeeze. Hunter offered her a small smile, and said, “Hiya, kid.”

“You gave us a right scare there,” you said.

Omega let out a groan and started to sit up. “W-What happened?”

You and Hunter shared a glance. You could hardly put into words the ordeal you all just experienced. You weren’t sure you could explain it to her without crying, but you also didn’t want Hunter to shoulder that responsibility. He already carried too much weight on his shoulders.

But before you could say anything, AZI entered the room. He chirped, “Hello, Omega. I am relieved you are awake.” He did a quick scan of her, the light blue light illuminating her face. “You each sustained multiple injuries. However, you all will make a full recovery with proper treatment and rest.”

Omega sat up, a hand clutching her head. Hunter reached around, helping her so that she didn’t make things too hard for herself. You gave her hand another squeeze. At this point, it was probably more for your comfort than hers. She was alive. She would be okay. That’s all that mattered right now. If you could focus on that, everything would be okay. Eventually.

At the sound of Omega’s voice, Wrecker came into the room. He wouldn’t look at you, even when you tried to meet his gaze. You understood why—the guilt he must feel would be tremendous. He was the brawn on the operation. He was the muscles. It’s his job to make sure that no one in his family has to take the brunt of any injuries. In his eyes, he failed. In his eyes, he’s the reason your heart is broken. In his eyes, he’s the reason Tech died.

You hadn’t been sure how to comfort him, so you let him go off on his own for a while. You weren’t quite sure how to comfort yourself. So, you let him sit in his misery and you in yours. Now, though, you wish you’d done something. It hurt, him not being able to look at you, even if he thought he was trying to spare you the pain.

“You’re—You’re okay,” Wrecker said. He stumbled forward, kneeling in front of Omega, letting out a breath. He was the perfect picture of held-back panic. He held Omega in a quick hug, careful not to press on any of her injuries. “Don’t scare us like that again.”

Hunter offered her a drink. “How do you feel?”

“I don’t know,” she mumbled. Her face twisted, contorted into sadness. You’d almost hoped she hadn’t remembered. She doesn’t deserve this kind of pain. She shouldn’t have to know this kind of loss. “The last thing that I remember, we were in the railcar when…”

She gasped, her eyes going wide. Her eyes darted toward you, searching for an answer to the unsaid question. But you couldn’t meet her gaze. If you did, you would cry. And if you cried, you would confirm her worst fears.

She looked to Hunter. “Where’s Tech?”

Hunter looked away, looked at you. You gave a nod. She had to know. “Omega, Tech didn’t make it.”

You dropped Omega’s hand, letting your hand come to rest on Hunter’s shoulder. You gave it a squeeze. You’d meant what you said, that he shouldn’t have to shoulder all this responsibility. You felt bad for making him say it, but you suppose she would only believe the news from him.

“We have to go back!” Omega said. “What if he’s hurt? He—He needs us! Tell him, Wrecker! We can’t just leave him!”

You looked at Wrecker, seeing his eyes squeeze shut. Oh, that must have killed him. That must have confirmed every dark thought that swirled in his gentle mind. Was it too soon to force everyone into a group hug?

“Omega,” you said, reaching out, stopping her from jumping out of the bed. “You saw him. He calculated the odds right before he did it. He knew his chances, and he’s seldom wrong.”

“NO!” Omega smacked your hand away. “Tech’s not gone! You know he’s not! He—He can’t be!”

Her face screwed up as the tears began to fall. Hunter took your place, wrapping his arms around her. She sobbed into his chest. Your heart clenched at the sight. She was alive, but she was hurting. And you weren’t sure what to do about that. Nothing that you said would help her. Nothing you said would bring him back.

You rose to your feet, glancing between the members of your family. “I-I need to go,” you mumbled, stumbling out of the room.

You didn’t make it very far, nearly collapsing into a seat at the bar. Your shoulders trembled as you tried to keep your sobs at bay. Until that moment, it hadn’t quite hit you that he was gone. You knew he was. You were there when he fell. You saw the calmness in his eyes, his acceptance of his fate. You could feel the unspoken words on the tip of his tongue as he said his final words. You felt the tremble of the railcar, the panic in your chest as the line snapped, as he plummeted…Going, going, gone.

You’d lived through all of that, but a naïve sort of part of you had hoped. Had prayed to the Maker, to the Force, to whatever cosmic being there was that controlled Tech’s fate that he had made it. But at that altitude? With a railcar plummeting with him? Even if he survived the fall, the railcar landing on him would surely do him in. Tech had accepted his death, but you couldn’t.

How could you? He had meant everything to you. He was the air you breathed, the reason you stayed with the Batch for so long. When the war ended, you had no reason to stay. Your contract with the Republic ended the moment that battles stopped. But he…He gave you one look, one unspoken plea, and you stayed.

What was the point now?

You lifted your head as Wrecker collapsed into a seat next to you. He stared at the bar. Knowing that he wouldn’t make any move, you grabbed his hand, gave it a squeeze. “It’s not your fault,” you whispered. “There was nothing you could have done to change what happened.”

Maybe the words were partly said for your own peace of mind, but it brought neither you nor Wrecker any belief. “He was gonna ask ya out when we got back to Pabu,” he mumbled. “He knew you liked looking at tha stars, so he planned a midnight picnic. Was gonna tell you every fact he knew about every star, planet, comet in tha sky.”

“…Oh.” You weren’t sure what else to say. What could you say? How could express the remorse of never getting to experience a future you so badly craved?

“He wanted to come back to ya. He was supposed to come back to ya. And I’m the reason he didn’t. You should hate me.”

“I could never hate you, Wrecker,” you said. You squeezed his hand. “I meant what I said. His fate was sealed when he went out with me to make repairs.”

“I saved you. I should have saved him, too. I could have saved him.”

Your bottom lip trembled. “He made you get me first. He made his choice. Wrecker, he knew his fate. You…You did everything he wanted you too. Okay? So don’t, don’t feel bad about what happened.”

The sound of two glasses hitting the bar pulled you from your conversation with Wrecker. When you looked up, Cid was sliding you and him a couple of drinks. Your stomach twisted. You didn’t like the look in her eyes. There was something she wasn’t telling you. “Here,” she said. “These are on the house.”

You pushed the glass in front of you away. “Nothing ever comes for free with you, Cid.”

Wrecker pushed his glass, too. “It won’t help.”

Cid was silent for a beat. “I’m sorry about Goggles. I always liked him.”

“Yeah. Me too,” Wrecker said.

You watched Cid. She had her arms crossed over her chest, one of her clawed fingers tapping anxiously. You sat a little straighter, sniffed back a couple of your tears. No matter what grief you were experiencing, you needed to keep your mind sharp. You had walked right back into the lion’s den. You needn’t give Cid any opportunity to betray you.

Wrecker noticed, too. “What’s with you?” he grunted.

Cid wagged one finger at him. “You know, I tried to look out for you kids. But you got too much heat on you. And you brought it here, to my place of business! I had to make the best of a bad situation.”

You watched the rage contort on Wrecker’s face. Oh, you don’t know if you had ever seen him so mad before. You almost expected him to reach across the bar and kill Cid with his bare hands. Instead, he growled, “What did you do?”

“Sorry, Muscles. Sorry, Killer.”

The doors to the parlor slid open. You were immediately on your feet, shoved behind Wrecker as a group of commando clones entered the parlor, their blasters raised. One shot at Wrecker, and he charged, more stun bolts firing at him. One hit you, and you went down easily, not able to put the same kind of fight as Wrecker. As you fell, you prayed to the Maker that Hunter got away—or at least that he convinced Omega to leave you all behind if he wanted to play hero.

The commando clones had you and Wrecker kneeling with your hands bounds behind two of them, maybe another half dozen behind you, all of their blasters raised at the door, waiting for Hunter. Hemlock stood beside you, watching you curiously as you avoided his gaze. He knew something. He knew something about Tech. Your eyes fell to the case he was holding, wondering what its contents were. Was it Tech’s head? His helmet? Some other cruel piece of his life, of his memory to taunt the fact that you all lost?

Hunter emerged from the back, his blaster raised. You let out a breath. At least Omega wasn’t with him. At least she might have escaped. He wouldn’t have come out unless he was sure she was long gone.

“That’s not very strategic, Hunter,” Hemlock said. “You don’t need to use your enhanced senses to know you’re outnumbered.”

Hemlock turned to Cid, raising the case. “The Empire thanks you for your assistance,” he said, passing the case to the Trandoshan.

Oh. It was just credits. Maybe Hemlock wasn’t so cruel to taunt you all with Tech’s death using whatever part of him they uncovered.

Cid and Hunter shared a look, before Hemlock said, “Our business is done. Leave.”

Cid’s head dropped. She turned, walking past you and Wrecker. She paused for a second, looking like she wanted to tell you something. Maybe an apology. You weren’t sure. All you knew was, whatever she had to say died in her throat as you reared your head back, spitting at her. Childish, sure. Gross, definitely. But Cid didn’t deserve your respect. Not now. Not after she sold you all out.

Hemlock turned his attention back to Hunter. “Please, consider your next move very carefully. I would hate for this to end poorly for all of you. Here is how this is going to go. You will lower your blaster and hand over Omega. And I will allow you to keep breathing.”

“Omega’s not going anywhere with you,” Hunter growled.

“Oh. Well, who knew clones are so paternal? Fascinating,” Hemlock said. He paused for a moment. “I was saddened to learn of your friend’s demise. What was his name? Oh, yes, Tech.”

You let out a growl. He didn’t deserve to say Tech’s name. What right did he have to talk about Tech?

Hemlock glanced back at you, his eyebrows raised. As he took in your expression, he turned more fully. He reached out, a finger running down your cheek. You fought the urge to bite him. That wouldn’t end well. “Ah, yes, the girlfriend, right?” he mused. Not technically. You and Tech never made anything official. “From what I gathered, the two of you were rather…intimate. I didn’t know clones could do that, either. Though, I suppose his form of intimacy is far different than a…normal human, wouldn’t you say?”

“Don’t you dare talk about him,” you spat. “You have no right.”

“So protective,” he said. Chuckling to himself, he turned back to Hunter. Beside you, Wrecker growled, only to be hit with a blaster by one of the clones holding you all captive. One of the commando clones handed him something. You couldn’t quite see what it was. “I’m afraid this was all I could salvage. Consider it a gift.”

He tossed the object at Hunter’s feet, and you could finally see what it was. A sob caught in your throat. No. No. No, no, no. If that was all they managed to recover, then that meant…Another sob escaped you before your could stop it.

“To lose one of your own, it must weigh heavily on you as their leader.” Hemlock glanced back at the clones. Several of them pressed their weapons into Wrecker. One of them reached out, grabbing you by the hair, yanked your head back. He pressed his blaster into your temple. You wondered how eager he was to shoot. At least if you died, then you could be with Tech. “And if you don’t lower the blaster now, you will lose more.”

Wrecker shook his head. You couldn’t do the same, not with the way you were being held, so you did your best to convey your message in your eyes. Don’t lower your blaster. We’ll be fine.

Still, Hunter slowly lowered the blaster and set it on the floor. He picked up Tech’s goggles, the glassiness in his eyes clear.

“Wise decision,” Hemlock said. He motioned to the clones, and two of them stepped forward to bind Hunter’s wrists. They pushed him to where you and Wrecker were kneeling on the ground.

Another clone came from the back and reported, “Sir, the girl is not in the office.”

“She’s long gone,” Hunter said. “Like I said, Omega’s not going anywhere with you.”

“Hmm. We’ll see.”

Oh, how could Hunter have been so right and so wrong all at the same time? Omega was, indeed, long gone, but she’d been taken by Hemlock. Despite your family’s best efforts, no one could stop Hemlock. Part of you wished that Omega had listened to Hunter, that she escaped and left you all behind. But the other part of you understood. She’s lost too much. If she lost you, Wrecker, and Hunter to the Empire…You weren’t sure how she would survive that kind of heartache. But now, the three of you and Echo floated through space, with no idea on where to go. Your mission had been a failure—you didn’t have the first clue where Hemlock’s base of operations was. Everything that you all fought—everything that you all lost—was for nothing.

Eventually, Hunter told Echo to fly you all back to Pabu. Returning there and clearing all of your minds before making the next move was important. Everyone’s emotions were still high. Even if you all could come to a decision, could fall upon some useful information, there was no guarantee that a rescue operation would be successful. While Omega was in more danger the longer she was in Hemlock’s control, it would do her no good if all of you were captured trying to save her.

You spent the journey laying in Tech’s bunk. Your face pressed into his pillow, bundled up in his covers, trying to commit his scent to memory. His bunk always smelled clean. Crosshair, back in the days of the Republic, once told you that Tech had been incredibly messy before you were assigned to the team. But the moment Tech met you, he went out of his way to keep his area as clean as could be. Back then, you thought Tech was just trying to be kind, to make you feel welcome. Now, you realized he was trying to impress you.

Tears burned at your eyes at the memory. You tried blinking them away, focusing on the scribbles on the wall of Tech’s bunk. Most of them were about ship repairs that he would be doing with you, or upgrades to weapons. But there was one in the corner, near his pillow, that caught your eye.

In his messy scrawl, he had written out a series of steps to win a woman’s heart. Most of them were checked off, save for three. Step 7. Take her on a date—make sure it’s something she would enjoy. Step 8. Kiss her—refer to holofilms for best approach. Step 9. Ask her to be yours—let it be her choice.

You let out a choked laugh, running your fingers over the words. Wrecker was right. Tech had been planning to ask you out. Oh, he had planned everything out. You wondered how long he had this plan. What you would give to have him back for just a moment, to ask him every question you ever wanted to ask, to listen to his voice, to be with him, to tell him you love him, too.

When the Marauder landed, you reluctantly left the comfort of Tech’s bunk, joining the boys. As you walked out of the ship, you saw Phee waiting. She wore a bright smile on her face, her eyes twinkling. Considering your abrupt departure, you had no doubt that she had a million questions she wanted to ask about the mission.

“Didn’t think you guys would be back from your secret mission so soon,” she teased. “Did you get what you were looking for?”

You looked at her, and shook your heard. It was one thing to tell Cid that the mission was a failure—she didn’t really care about your family. But to tell Phee? Who had gone out of her way to bring you guys to a place to a call home? Who showed time and time again that she cared, even if she had a funny way of going about it? It hurt.

Her smile didn’t waiver. She understand yet. “Ah, well, that’s okay. I’m sure you guys’ll get ‘em next time! Say, what’s the long face’s for? The mission wasn’t that bad was it?”

Hunter squeezed your shoulder. You reached up, squeezed his hand back. Behind you, you could hear Wrecker shuffle his feet and the quiet whhrr of Echo’s scomp as he fiddled with it. No one offered an explanation.

“Geez, you guys look rough. Must’ve been real bad out there.” Phee glanced between the four of you, her smile falling. “Say, where’s Brown Eyes? Where’s the kid?”

You opened your mouth but no words came out. You looked back at Wrecker, Hunter, and Echo, but none of them seemed keen to answer. Phee seemed to know, though. You all wouldn’t be so put out, so mournful looking, if something bad hadn’t happened. When you looked back at her, she had stepped closer to you, a hand coming to rest on your shoulder.

“I don’t know what happened, but I’m sorry,” she said.

Your lip quivered. Kriff. You couldn’t take this. None of this was supposed to happen. You all were supposed to find out where Crosshair was, you were supposed to rescue him. Everyone was supposed to be reunited. You all were supposed to come back to Pabu and live as normal a life as you could manage. You weren’t supposed to lose Tech. Omega wasn’t supposed to be captured.

Shrugging off Phee’s hand, you ran off. No one bothered to follow you, to call after you. For that, you were grateful. You didn’t want to be around anyone right. Not for a while.

You settled on the docks. It was nearly dusk when the Marauder landed, so most of the fishermen had docked their boats and returned to their families with whatever they managed to catch. It was the perfect place for you. Almost no one around to bother you. You were as alone as you felt.

Sitting on the edge of the dock, you let your legs hang over. You leaned all the way back so that you stared at the sky. The beautiful reds and oranges soon faded into a black abyss. The stars started to peak out, winking down at you. Once upon a time, you would have killed for the opportunity to watch the stars like this. There was seldom free time like this in the last few years. The stars once brought you comfort, providing you a map for your way back home. But it was different now.

The stars no longer brought you comfort. What was the point in the stars guiding you home if he wasn’t there to go with you?

Your eyes fluttered shut. For the first time since the incident, you let yourself cry. Sure, tears had escaped before, when you didn’t want them to. But you had been holding them at bay this entire time, trying to focus on the tasks at hand. Now, there was nothing to do. There was nothing you could do. Nothing, except mourn. A sob wracks your chest. You cover your face with your hands, letting everything you’d been holding in out.

You cried, and you cried, and you cried. Until there were no tears left. Until you uncovered your face, staring back at the stars, sniffling.

A steady clunk! of a set of boots alerted you to a guest. You had a one-in-four shot of guessing who’d come to comfort you, but you didn’t care enough to see who it was. Did it matter? None of those four people were the one you wanted. And none of those four people was the kid you were supposed to protect.

You saw Hunter’s face as he finally reached you, sitting down beside you. He said nothing. Hunter was never really the comforting type. He’d gotten better since Omega joined the team, learning to navigate his emotions so that he could be a better parent. But this wasn’t the sort of thing he’d been prepared for. None of you were prepared for this.

“I asked Shep to set you aside some dinner if you decide you’re hungry,” he said. “He said you can come into his house anytime you decide you’re hungry and take it. It has a note on it for you, in his fridge.”

“Thank you,” you said.

A silence passes over you. There’s so much to say. There’s so much you want to say. So much you aren’t sure how to say. How do you navigate this sort of sudden loss? What was the right way to grieve? What was the right way to comfort? A thousand possibilities flooded your mind. None of them felt right. Finally, you settled on an apology.

“I’m sorry for running off,” you said. “If I worried you, I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intent.”

Hunter shrugged. “I knew where you were. I figured you just…needed time.”

“No amount of time can bring him back.” You sat up, looking out at the dark sea. If you jumped in now, you might sink fast enough under the weight of your armor that, by the time Hunter dove in after you, it would be too late. Even with his enhanced senses, the water would drown it all out. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save Omega.”

“You’re sounding like Wrecker now,” he said. He had heard your conversation with him back at Cid’s. Usually, he kept quiet about conversations he overheard. But things were different now. No one knew how to navigate this sort of hurt. “They got us while we were down. I don’t know if there was anything we could do to save her.”

You rested your hand on Hunter’s shoulder. “We’ll get her back.”

“We will,” he affirmed. He reached for something that you couldn’t quite see. When he brought his hands back into your view, you gasped. “I, uh, came to give you these.”

“Hunter, no—”

“I talked with Wrecker and Echo. We all agreed that he would have wanted you to have them. Anything of his, it’s yours. But these especially.”

As he pressed the goggles into your hands, a tear rolled down your cheek. Oh, this was too much. How could you look at these goggles and not want to jump off the dock? How could you look at the cracked lenses and not picture his eyes squeezing shut as he hit the ground? How could you not imagine the way he looked at you, in the split second before he made his choice? How could you not see of how he looked before, when you all were leaving for the mission, the fire in his eyes as he searched for a way to rescue his brother? How could you not dream of the soft look in his eyes the night before, when you rested your head on his shoulder and told him how you wished the two of you could have a peaceful life? You ran your thumb over the light that used shone red, indicating his constant filming of his surroundings. It was off now. Part of you wondered why, but you dismissed the thought. It was probably broken in the fall.

“What do we do now?” you ask. You look up at Hunter to see him already looking at you. His eyes were glassy still. You wondered if he had allowed himself the privacy to cry yet, or if he was still playing the part of the stoic leader. “Echo’s probably going to return to Rex soon. Wrecker’s in no position to fight. Kark, neither of us are either. We don’t have the first clue where to look. We don’t have—”

Hunter squeezed your shoulder. “We’ll figure it out. I don’t know how, but…We’ve faced horrible odds before.”

“We had a hundred percent success rate back then.”

“I don’t know what we’ll do,” he said, “but if we stick together, we’ll figure it out. I know we will.”

You wanted to push back, to argue, to feel something other than this grief, but you didn’t want to hurt Hunter in the process. So you let it go. Instead, you asked, “Could you tell me about? What he was like before I joined the team?”

Hunter let out a chuckle. “When we were cadets, Tech was a complete menace. Worse than the rest of us, if you could believe it. Always challenged the Kaminoans at every turn.”

You laughed, the picture forming in your mind. You leaned back against as Hunter talked, and soon he did, too, telling you everything about what little Tech had been like. For a moment, you forgot all that you’d just endured. For a moment, you felt at peace. But then you felt the weight of Tech’s goggles in your hands, and you were thrown back into the reality you were faced it.

Tech was gone—you were sure of it. But he died to make sure his family would live. You weren’t going to let him die in vain. No matter what it took, no matter what you had to do, you would get Omega and Crosshair back.

You swore it.

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maggot-monger · 11 months

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lucifer gender symbolism essay part 4: women in white

masterpost

this is far and away THE reason i started thinking about fem!lucifer in the context of spn back when i first got into the show.

women in white are SO ICONIC on supernatural. the first scene of the show features mary dying in a nightgown that is technically pale pink* but registers as white, and later in the same episode jess wears a mostly-white nurse costume and then dies in a pale periwinkle* nightgown that also reads as white. the pilot is all about constance welch, who is literally a type of ghost called a woman in white. in bloody mary, sam has a vision of jess standing on a street corner wearing a starkly white nightgown. lilith goes to her death to break the last seal in a white dress. it’s a whole thing.

women dressed in white especially in early spn are almost always either about to be the victims of something horrible, or are dangerous and monstrous — and often they’re both, especially if they’re dressed in all white.

our two main victims from this costuming-based character category are mary and jess. both of them represent brutal, devastating, life-changing, unfair loss. mary’s death is the reason the winchesters uprooted; it’s the reason john is like that; it’s the reason sam and dean grew up the way they did in this heavily trauma-based and trauma-inducing lifestyle. it feels random (even though we later learn it wasn’t); it was definitely shocking; it was cruel and unfair. jess died the same way, and her death at least played some part in sam going back to hunting; it didn’t feel as random because there was already precedent from mary, but it felt just as shocking and just as cruel and unfair. these women in life represented idealized domestic bliss and normalcy for their partners and families, and their deaths caused the end of the possibility for that kind of romanticized normal american lifestyle for the men close to them. in death, they become symbols behind which the men mourning them rally to seek revenge.

(there’s endless more things to be said about mary and jess’s death and their costuming etc but i gotta keep my eyes on the prize here of lucifer analysis. ok. carrying on)

now let’s do two of the main monsters in this category: constance welch was a victim of her husband’s infidelity before she became a killer, and as a ghost she kills unfaithful men, never able to get the revenge she wants for what was done to her and becoming a monster (partly) because of it. she can never have enough, she can never break the cycle, and, importantly, she “can never go home,” because she also killed her own innocent children, who want their revenge on her. again, lots to be said here about how sam and dean also can never go home etc, but i gotta keep it pushing. so: lilith. lilith was once a human woman whose essence was warped until she became a demon. we don’t know specifically how that happened, something to do with temptation, but in any case, the transition from human on earth to demon in hell is typically portrayed as undesirable, to say the least. beyond that, stories of the human fall are stories about not being able to go home: a human in a fallen state can’t live in their home of eden anymore, and has to rough it outside of the garden. presumably, that’s part of lilith’s story. the story of demons on supernatural is very similar: human beings who die and go to hell, and then are trapped there until they manage to get out (which is portrayed as being very difficult to accomplish in the earliest seasons of the show, especially for demons in the deepest parts of hell, like lilith). so the earliest humans fell and could never return to the garden, and humans who go to hell struggle to return home to earth.

so that’s all a whole symbol system, right? if you’re a woman in white on supernatural, either something horrible happened to you, or something horrible is about to happen to you. you’re going to represent horrible loss whether you’re just a victim or both a victim and a monster. you’re going to get trapped in an unending trauma cycle, or you’re going to be the reason for someone else’s unending trauma cycle — probably both.

and lucifer…

well!

lucifer’s first two appearances (after the nun) are as sarah, nick’s dead wife (another character who fits the victim subtype of women in white), and jess. both times, lucifer wears a white nightgown.

and for good goddamn reason, because lucifer fits the archetype perfectly.

did lucifer once represent an ideal? absolutely: lucifer was the most beautiful of the host, god’s favorite, THE angel.

does lucifer’s loss represent a loss of perfection and purity? yep, lucifer was proof angels could make choices they weren’t supposed to, even/especially the best of them.

did the loss of lucifer cause a huge upheaval for his family that sucks a lot and changes the course of their lives for the worse? big time: god left; gabriel ran away; heaven seems to have at least somewhat restructured in the fallout; everyone set their sights on the apocalypse after which the problems will end and they can finally rest.

do those who lost lucifer miss lucifer/what was lost when lucifer fell (even if that’s complicated)? seems like it. uriel definitely does; michael seems to have missed lucifer, even while being angry at and blaming him; and raphael at least misses how everything was before it fell apart.

was what happened to lucifer violent and awful? pretty unquestionably. regardless of how much you think he deserved it, what ended up happening to lucifer — being cast down, imprisoned in isolation in the depths of hell for millennia, total loss of reputation, and a death sentence — is point-blank brutal.

can lucifer ever go home? nope.

does anyone want revenge for what happened to lucifer? well, lucifer does, at the very least

can lucifer escape the cycle of trauma? nope: he perpetuates it by doing the apocalypse among other things, leaning into the devil role, doing more of what got him that title in the first place, and even when he tries to escape it by offering to drop everything to walk off the chessboard with michael in swan song he gets shot down.

that’s a signature supernatural woman in white, babey.

so, ok. woman in white, though. men show up wearing white sometimes on spn. a man wearing a white shirt is less of a tell that something is going to happen to him or because of him than it is for women, but it’s still part of the visual shorthand. men also wear all white sometimes, especially in psychiatric contexts (notably sam as a patient in season 7 in the context of hallucifer, as well as sam in houses of the holy while he’s playing a nurse). but these instances are uniforms that the wearers have little choice about wearing, and they are not especially gendered: female patients also wear all white (e.g. marin in ‘the born-again identity). to my knowledge, there are no roles in supernatural specifically for men in white; men wearing white do so in contexts where women also would and do wear white.

the one** exception to this is lucifer in ‘the end;’ how much endverse is zachariah’s creation vs what literally happened in that version of 2014 is debatable, but either way, sam!lucifer was one of our few examples of a ~man in all white in spn. and like…this reads to me as costuming wanting to do a woman in white thing, but not wanting to put jared padalecki in a white dress. lucifer already appeared as sarah and jess in all white nightgowns; lucifer fits the woman in white archetype; there’s no Thing like that for men, so they put sam!lucifer in an all-white suit that draws a stark visual parallel to the women in all white we’ve seen lucifer as before, and there you go. still a woman in white archetype, just wearing a man costume at the time.

**i know asmodeus did a white suit too but that's way outside of the range of kripke-era symbolism i’m mainly talking about, and it seems like probably a direct reference to lucifer’s endverse look. i’m also probably not the right person to do an analysis of asmodeus even if i wanted to include a discussion of his suit. so.

to sum up, lucifer is a genderless non-human entity, but (s)he’s also a Woman In White™, even when appearing as a man. lucifer is, i would go so far to say, the epitome of the Woman In White, the maxed out, most op version of everything the show did with that symbolism. so. lucifer is fitting into a feminine archetype real well, there.

*i’m not trying to ignore that neither mary nor jess actually died in white. as far as i can tell, most of the fandom remembers mary’s nightgown as white, and i’ve had conversations about whether jess’s nightgown is actually white and it’s just a lighting thing, so they’re both Women In White (TM) even though they’re not actually that (and jess is explicitly turned into one in sam’s memory and in lucifer’s appearance as jess wearing the same nightgown as in ‘bloody mary,’ since that nightgown is actually definitely white).

it’s a great choice, i think, to have them fill this symbolic role while actually having been maybe more complicated than that; having their memory simplified and ~purified so they can serve the perfect fridged domestic woman role — regardless of their actual personalities in life or how well that symbolism actually applies to them (and it really doesn’t fit at least mary that well, given her hunter background that we learn about later!) i bring this up because of lucifer’s endverse white suit, which, you know, is an all white look, but also has that off-white shirt. so, like, something something, attempts to fit into a specific archetype, but there are inevitably going to be slight imperfections because no living thing can be JUST a symbol.

(a lot of people have written extensively about women in white in supernatural, including me. i have focused largely on lucifer, because of course i have. some additional posts here, here, here, and here.)

part 3: the dead nun part 5: white women masterpost

#spn #spn thots #meta #lucifer #women in white #jess!lucifer #sarah!lucifer #sam!lucifer

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