#my mom thinks i am too weird to wear dresses and skirts...........

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen, sorry for dumping a big rant in your askbox but your blog has helped me figure out my identity and I don’t have anyone to talk to about this in real life lol. Feel free to delete if this is too weird.

So I’m a 17 y/o butch, and I have been masculine since I was a little kid. I always felt lucky to have a family that was generally okay with my gender nonconformity. They treated it like a cute quirk of mine, and I never felt like I was being judged or that I should change the way I am around them. My dad got a kick out of it. One summer he let me help him build the deck in our backyard. He always took me to baseball games, he dressed me up in his old clothes, basically treated me like I was his son and I loved it.

I feel like as I get older, my masculinity becomes less acceptable. I went to visit my paternal grandmother for the holidays, hadn’t seen her in a few years, and the first thing she said to me was “I thought you would’ve grown out of all that by now” (in reference to my haircut and outfit, I think.) I just don’t know how to react to the way my extended family treats me now. They used to be totally fine with it, but I spent my entire Christmas feeling like I was being judged for every little thing.

Like, what’s changed? Why is it cute and funny when a little girl wears boy’s clothes and wrestles with her cousins, but disgusting when I grow up and settle into my masculinity?

It’s like I’ve crossed the invisible line between being a tomboy and being a dyke, and now no one wants to entertain it anymore.

Again, sorry for the rant haha, I just feel like I’m going crazy because I tried to talk to my sister about it and she said she didn’t notice them acting any different, but I swear my aunt spent half of our Christmas dinner telling me how pretty I would be if I just wore a bit of makeup lmaoo. I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this, because I’m feeling pretty lost right now. Thanks, and happy holidays!

It is not weird at all. I hear that young lesbians, particularly butches, do not have older role models to bounce ideas off of or vent or get any perspective on certain experiences. Moms and Dads and straight sisters and cousins, no matter how well meaning, will just not always "get" what is happening. They say things like "we love you no matter what" and "we don't care if you are a lesbian" and they mean it, mostly. But they often don't see the subtle clues (or blatant ones)they toss around that indicates how uncomfortable they are with you being so visible, but just existing as you naturally are.

AND OH MY GOSH yes I have experienced exactly what you are talking about with the deepening judgement as you move from a cute little Tomboy to an adult butch women. It is almost like they hope to "catch it early" when we are in our teens and redirect us away from the "danger" of being a visible lesbian. And a woman who does not, in very overt ways, conform to their idea of how a woman should be and act.

My dad was relatively consistent in treating me pretty much like he would a son and, to his credit, he did so with my straight sister. We were allowed to do just about anything my older brothers did. In part because my sister was pretty strong willed but also a lot like him. I was less strong willed but she had mowed the path.

Mom was the one who was forever concerned about my looks and behavior, both out of worry I would not fit in, and because she had a certain expectation of how her daughter should grow up. Both normal Mom reactions. She understood bullies and knew that sticking out could be difficult. Her solution was not to strengthen my resilience but to attempt to "tone me down". Her efforts increased as I made the jump from kid to teen and into my late teens. She would discourage me from cutting my hair, becoming almost angry when I brought it up. She would tell me how lovely I was in dresses and skirts and say thing like " a little make up would be nice". It got really old. It lead to us not always getting along even though I loved and respected my mom. She was a great mom. But this one thing made us both crazy. She could not cool it and I could not change who I was.

Friends at school saw hints of my liking girls. I stopped wearing cowboy boots and my favorite horse buckle and it their place went with K Mart Tennis shoes and a generic belt that came with my pants, again, from Kmart. I put away the cowboy fringed shirts and flannel and went with simple jeans and sweatshirts, the acceptable attire for boys and girls in my rural high school. I kept my hair long to disguise my "looking like a boy" traits.

I (barf) agreed to date a boy and spent the better part of that time making excuses to not kiss him or spent time with him. I was starting to listen to mom and do my best to hide ME from the world. Anything (with in reason) to throw the world off the scent, the scent of me being a lesbian. Being butch made that one more step difficult.

It is hard to hide the space we take up naturally.

It might seem hard to see it now by your family is slightly well intentioned, knowing that being "seen" easily as a lesbian can be dangerous. But also, they are uncomfortable with your energy and physical presence because it does not coincide with their ideas of what a woman acts, feels and moves like. This is a THEM problem and I can give you words of comfort based on experience.

The more you begin to be you, and dress in what gives you comfort the more your confidence will grow and be evident. People who are emboldened to try and change you for their own comfort tend to back way off when there is no opening for their opinions. They just sort of realize they are wasting time. AND for those that don't, there are always a few, you don't have to give them any air or acknowledgement. You get to let them waste time and energy while you look great in whatever you wish to wear and however you wish to cut your hair. And in a wonderful turn around, you don't have to spend any effort just being you or trying to defend or correct them.

You are fast approaching adulthood and with that will come even more freedom and independence. Don't rush it but also, work towards that.

#butch #lesbian #family #unwanted opinions of family

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being upset with my mother for making me change my clothes before my little sister's birthday party?

I (15f) own two tank top dresses that I got from Old Navy. One is like a blue tie-dye watercolor, and the other is a camo one. Now I rarely wear dresses because I like pants and shorts better, but I thought it'd be nice to "dress up" for my little sister's 10th birthday party. So, I decided to wear my camo one because I was told green is "my color" by multiple people, and the blue one reminds me too much of the 4th of July.

(Both of them are decent modest dresses, the length of the skirt goes below my knees, and the straps are at least two fingers wide. So it's nothing inappropriate for kids party or something like that)

So, I throw on the dress and a pair of jean shorts underneath so I can put my phone in my back pocket during the party, and go about my day.

(Now, before the story continues, it is important to note that I usually use my two dresses as nightgowns,

1. Because they're comfy

And 2. Because, again, I don't normally wear dresses during the day, preferring pants/shorts with a shirt instead.)

As the day goes on, my mother keeps saying I need to change out of my pj's and into something different, and I keep trying to tell her that I'm not wearing as a nightgown today but as a dress, but she keeps walking away before I can properly expain. This happens a few times throughout the morning, going into the afternoon. Until I'm helping out in the kitchen to help make food before all of the guests arrive.

And my mother asks "is that what you're wearing?" I answered "yes" and she just kind of looks me up and down and says something along the lines of " mmkay! I guess it just looks weird to me because Im used to you using it as a nightgown." Which I completely understand because I usually do, I just decided not to today.

I think the matter of my dress has been dropped and get back to cooking. While waiting for a pot of water boil, I stand next to a counter in the kitchen listening to my mom and a friend of hers who showed up early talk. But when my mom's friend turns away for second, my mom turns to me and says, "i really think you should go change before the other guests arrive. You look like you're wearing a nightgown" with a slightly disappointed look in her eye (which translates to 'you should be embarrassed of yourself, and I look kind of sloppy' in mom-speak).

And I'm a little taken a back by this and whisper "no it doesn't" feeling a but hurt, because I thought I actually looked kind of nice, and I usually dont thinnk that about myself. Plus, no one else had said anything, so I thought I looked fine to everyone else too, but apparently not?

My mom just kind of says, "mmkay" with the same disappointed look on her face and goes back to cooking. I just kind of stand there for a second, trying to figure out whether I should go change or not. And I being the people pleaser that I am obviously chooses the former, and goes to change asking my grandmother to watch the boiling water while I do so. Then I come back and get back to cooking.

While changing, I kind of teared up a bit and went on a mini rant in my head. My hurt morphing into anger at my mom, and her statement. And I'm not entirely sure why? And now I feel super guilty about being angry at her at all.

But, idk? I'm probably being over dramatic! Honestly, I think I just needed to get this out there since I obviously can't tell anyone. They'll just think it's stupid! (Which it is, lol)

So, AITA for feeling the way I did?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[your-queer-dad]

A lot of people complain about their kids learning about lgbt stuff and about it being talked about in school. But I wish we had that kind of discussion in school or something when i was a kid. I'm 27 and it wasn't until a few years ago (during lockdown) that I started thinking about who I am. Realized I also like girls and am transmasc (sadly closeted because no ones on board with this kinda stuff).

As a kid I felt like I was different from the other girls and I didn't really know why. I remember telling people I wasn't a girl I was a tomboy and that's why I liked the things I did. I was worried about graduation for a few years before because I didn't want to wear a dress and I'd tell my mom that. I'd say "why can't I just wear pants and a shirt" (I wanted a suit). My mom would just say something like thats just how it is or you just have to. The same thing happened with my sisters wedding, all I wanted was a suit. But I was a bridesmaid so I had to wear a dress and get my makeup done (I think I was about 13-14).

I got older and then went to high school and started dressing more feminine and acting like my friends because they're girls and that's what girls are supposed to be like. I bought dresses and heels and tried makeup but it all looked weird on me (never wore them lol). Others said it looked good but it always felt wrong to me (same with other more feminine clothing items). Probably about halfway through high school, I was worried about graduation again. And again I told my mom but still had to wear a dress.

Same thing happened with college too but I wore a skirt that time. Through college I started wearing clothes I liked more but still not quite there yet.

Within the last 2 years I think, I decided to cut my hair short then a few times after I got a more masculine cut and wow do I love it. I also buy men's clothes now because they "fit better" and "have big pockets". I still don't feel like myself but I think im slowly getting there. I don't even really know who I am but I do know what I'm not.

Wow this is longer than I expected it to be and I think I lost the point of all this but it feels good to tell someone all of this even if it's a short messy version of it haha. I started typing and it all just kinda came out so i hope it makes some kind of sense. I've always been alone with this stuff so it's nice to get it out of my head I guess. I don't know lol thanks for reading✨️

Hey kiddo! Thank you so much for sharing your experience- I'm really glad you're in a place where you feel more comfortable in your body and your identity and I'm really proud of you.

- dad x

#lgbt #finch rambles #lgbtq #lgbtqia #queer positivity #trans #transgender #trans joy #ask a finch!

[beanghostprincess]

Yes! Please talk more about transfem!Usopp x Nami!!! Power couple!! You think they were annoying together when they were just friends? Its ten times worse now that they're dating <3<3<3<3

Anon, I can't thank you enough. I appreciate this ask so much because they've been living in my head rent free and if I don't talk about this I might collapse. I need it. So. Thank you. Really. I'm gonna add transfem!genderfluid!Sanji and Sanuso too, by the way, to the surprise of literally no one because I am obsessed with them. It's like. My whole online personality. Sanuso, Nami and being a lesbian.

Okay, first things first, transfem!Usopp. She has a hard time realizing she's a girl and accepting it, not because she thinks it's wrong or weird, but because she's so, so focused on being the guy her father would like (Yasopp, before going away, always told Usopp (s)he'd grow up to be an amazing man like him). Usopp still admires him and she doesn't want to be a disappointment. It's kind of dumb, but she has his words in her head all the time. Not to mention that "maybe if I had been that type of boy he would've stayed with us" and also the fact that Usopp just... It feels like lying to her mom, you know? Banchina always knew she had a daughter, but Usopp didn't know yet and never found out about her mom knowing, so she thinks that being a girl now only turns the years she spent with her mom into a lie because she wasn't truly herself. Again, irrational thinking, but it keeps her from accepting she's a girl. When she hangs out with Kaya she feels way better than when she is near guys. She feels safer. At home. Maybe it's just because they're best friends, really. Maybe it's just that being in love makes you feel like this. Safe. But Kaya knows. And sometimes, when they were 15 or so, they used to get drunk without anybody else knowing. And sometimes Usopp told her how nice it'd be to be a girl. Not to wear dresses and having cute stuff like Kaya, she- She wouldn't be like that. Or maybe she would. It's kind of a mix. "If I were a girl, which- Which I'm not, but just imagine for a moment. I'd be so fricking cool, right?" / "Usopp, sweetie-" / "I'd be the coolest woman in the world! Strong. With long hair, oh God, long hair. That would suit me, wouldn't it? And okay, not dresses, because, uh- They don't look comfy. But maybe long skirts. You know that green, long skirt my mom used to wear? That one. But the point is- Hear me out. Boobs. I like yours. They're nice" / "Thank you? Usopp! Please, let me speak-" / "I wish I had boobs. I don't want girly clothes, I really like my overalls. But- But they'd look great with boobs, wouldn't they? And-" / "Usopp!" / "Wha- What?" / "First, stop drinking. You've had enough, honey. And second... You know you can just... Be a girl, right?" / "Mm? Come again?" / "A girl. If you- You can trust me, alright? If you feel more comfortable being addressed as a girl-" / "No! No! Me? A girl? What? Nope. Never. I'm a man, what- What are you even saying? Kaya, babe, I- My dad-" / "Your dad? Usopp, this is about you. Follow your heart-" / "My heart tells me I'm a man. I swear. I'm not a liar".

She has always been one, but she wasn't sober enough for the words to make sense to her. It did hurt to say it, though.

So Usopp joins the Strawhats knowing something is weird about her gender but never quite accepting it. Until she starts spending more time with Nami. The thing about Nami is that she's extremely feminine but unapologetically a menace to society and she doesn't give a fuck about what other people think. She's strong in her own way and she's the smartest person Usopp has ever met. She's gorgeous, too, it makes Usopp wonder what the hell she's doing with this crew when she would rule the world on her own. So she's... She's the girliest of girls and yet she manages to be extremely ruthless and scary too. It's kind of the perfect mix. And it's not that Usopp accepts instantly that she's a girl, but Nami helps quite a lot. Who makes her realize, though, surprisingly, is Sanji.

These are two different stories, you know, but the point right now is that Sanji treats women differently. We all know this. And Usopp isn't sure when it starts. Maybe Skypiea? Water 7? Perhaps even a little bit earlier. But she has this huge crush on Sanji and hates it. Because he's just a guy! Nami won't stop telling her, too. He's!!! He's so annoying!!! But-- But Usopp sees more of him than others do, and he's just so kind and self-sacrificing and he has the biggest heart in the world. So when Usopp sees him interacting with both Nami and Robin and, you know, all the girls he meets... She thinks "Oh, that'd be nice" and it turns into a "Oh. Oh, fuck. Fuuuuuck. Nooooo" because she just realized that imagining herself as a girl being treated as such is not normal man behavior. She comes to terms with that thanks to Nami, because she's the first person she comes out to. She opens up her heart to her best friend. She tells her everything about her parents and her experience with Kaya and how badly she wants to be seen as a girl but doesn't know if people would like her that way. If people would be disappointed. But Nami? Nami loves Usopp deeply. Nobody has ever trusted Nami so much before. it kind of makes her want to cry, so she hugs Usopp to hide the tears a little bit. Usopp hugs her back even tighter. Long story short, Nami makes her see that being a girl is so much more than what people think, and that nobody in the crew would ever think less of her for that. And by the way: "Really? Sanji?" / "He's- He's cute, okay? I know he's a moron but you know how he is" / "I know. I know, don't worry, sweetie. It could be worse".

MEANWHILE! While Usopp was falling for Sanji and coming to terms with her gender, Nami was having a sexuality crisis! She's a lesbian. She's always been a lesbian. She has always known, ever since she was a kid. She has never liked a man that way. Never will. But- But Usopp. You know? But Usopp. They've always been a duo. From moment one. They've always been so, so close. She feels a connection to her (him, at that moment for Nami, but you know) in a way she has never felt before. They have intimate moments she can't quite explain and she never wants to use any romantic labels here because she's a lesbian. She's not supposed to see Usopp that way? But it's not even sexual or anything she's not- She's not attracted to her but if she wanted to she would and if they kissed she wouldn't move away and- And, okay, it's just weird. And when Water 7 happens she knows she's completely, utterly fucked. Because the second she leaves the crew? That's the moment Nami knows she's losing the love of her life (one of them. Vivi is her long-distance girlfriend and is also the love of her life). So imagine her face. When Usopp comes to her to tell her she's a girl (yay! Sexuality crisis solved. Nami's gaydar is awesome. But also- Fuck, she's in love with her best friend) and that she's in love with Sanji. In love. With Sanji. Of all people. And she's in love with him. And not her. And it kind of kills Nami. But they're best friends. She's supposed to help. So she deals with Usopp's drama all the time, pining in the background as she sees this new relationship happen in front of her.

Okay, So Usopp comes out to crew. And guess who was having another sexuality crisis at the same time as Nami? Exactly, Sanji. So everything makes sense right now, and Usopp and Sanji start dating not so long after Usopp comes out. Usopp starts dressing a bit more fem sometimes, everyone of course starts seeing her with different eyes, she moves to the girl's room... Etc, etc. Sanji and Usopp are-- Awfully clingy. It's horrible to witness. Nami is going through the worst time of her life because Usopp right now is the happiest woman ever and,, And Nami should be happy for her. She should move on. But they won't stop kissing everywhere. And hugging. And Sanji pays way more attention to Usopp now, so, okay, whatever, less snacks for her too, to hurt her even more. Nami and Usopp often have private talks together in the middle of the night. They always do. They literally sleep in the same fucking bed which is, the worst thing right now because Usopp is touchy and clingy when she sleeps. And sometimes she spends hours talking about Sanji and- And Nami can't stand having her so close yet so far. And most of the time she can't even stand the sight of Sanji himself. But she has to live with it. She wishes Vivi was here.

So, we have Sanuso dating. Transfem!Usopp being extremely happy right now. And Nami having the worst moment of her life. Yeah?

Well. There's MORE.

Because of course, Sanji and Usopp have THE talk about Nami. Because we all know Sanji loves her to death and isn't sure how... Usopp feels about that. Long story short, after a very brief but emotional conversation, they both realize they're in love with Nami. So. Fucking hilarious. Because they can't make her just?? Join their relationship, right???

Well, things happen.

While everything was going on, Sanji was having a gender crisis. I don't need to explain much about this because we all know how trans-coded Sanji's story is, so I'll just say: Genderfluid Sanji realizing in the timeskip that she wants to have a more normative fem body (Ivankov we love you). She goes by any pronouns but, you know, it changes and she usually prefers she/her but she's alright with whatever. Usopp coming out to the crew truly helped her realize what she wanted. Usopp and... Also Nami. Basically for the same reasons Usopp has. I have a whole post about this. The point is! The timeskip happens and Sanji comes back with a different body and comes out to the crew. Usopp comes back, still in love with Sanji and Nami (idk if they get help from Ivankov or if it's Chopper the one who helps or maybe even Law, but they help her transition. Choose your fav. The girlie wants boobs, I don't care how she gets them). And Nami comes back, still in love with Usopp but finally accepting their relationship. Well, jokes on all of them, because there's more drama.

Whole Cake Island is... It's fucking awful. Sanji comes back to a family that doesn't love her and just wants to play with her feelings. They make her act like somebody she isn't. They make her pretend to be a boy and bind her chest and it's,, Leaving Luffy. Leaving the crew. Leaving Usopp and Nami. It's killing her. While she tortures herself this way, Usopp begs Nami to bring Sanji back with her. And Nami-- When they were at Zou with Sanji. The time she spent with her without Usopp and the others around. Sanji smiling at them before sacrificing herself. Nami is starting to feel things she thought she would never feel for Sanji. And while Usopp waits in Wano, Nami goes to look for Sanji. And when the fight with Luffy happens, she's angry. She's angry at Sanji for treating them this way. She's hurt because she knows this isn't her Sanji if Sanji was even hers in the first place. She's frustrated because she can't do anything to fix this. And she's furious, too, at herself, because she just found out she's in love with Sanji too. So imagine this poly lesbian realizing she can't be with the ones she loves because they're already in a relationship and one of them just left their fucking crew.

WCI happens and... Okay. This is probably Nami's fault. Or Sanji's. Nobody knows who leans in first but right after WCI, they kiss. It's short and sweet and soft and Nami won't stop crying because Sanji is finally back and she won't let her go. Never again. But she's now panicking and Sanji will probably die from a heart attack because she just kissed Sanji??? And Sanji has a girlfriend??? And her girlfriend is also Nami's best friend??? And she just happens to be in love with her too??? So Nami does the most reasonable thing ever and runs away without explaining anything. Yay. She's sure, once they get to Wano, that Sanji will tell Usopp and they're going to hate her forever. She's not used to this! She usually has everything under control! She's losing her mind. God.

But... But Sanji just experienced the one thing he's been waiting for for years??? God, she needs to tell Usopp right away. Wano happens and it's not like they have much time for talking. Sanji is still going through her, um, 'bring on more past trauma' era, so it's pretty difficult. And Nami spends Wano all the time with Usopp and it's so, so hard not to focus constantly on the fact that she has kissed Sanji. And she's about to die when she's fighting against Ulti and sees her whole life passing right before her eyes so she realizes, then, that she has to be honest with both Sanji and Usopp if she gets out of there. When she actually survives she kind of hates herself for making that promise. Yadda yadda, post-Wano happens. They're all partying, still there, and Nami tries to distract herself from all this drama because if she thinks more about it she might end up having a breakdown. But Sanji and Usopp do talk and- And they need to approach this. Usopp is a bit hurt that perhaps Nami only wants Sanji, but she can deal with it. If Nami wants to be with Sanji, that's completely fine with them. So they have the talk, finally, in a private corner of the festival where nobody they know is around.

Nami starts uncharacteristically apologizing? Which is weird for her to act like that, but she does. She's lost so many people already and she refuses to let that happen again. So she apologizes. She should've never kissed Sanji and- And what's even worse is that she's also in love with Usopp. With both. And it makes her look so selfish and greedy and she swears it isn't like that. Her feelings are genuine. But then Usopp starts?? Laughing??? She finds this whole situation hilarious and explains that they've been stupid the whole time.

So, uh, yeah. They're idiots. This is biblically accurate because lesbians are always like this. We do not know how to communicate.

They're all,, So relieved. So, so happy. They won't stop smiling. And Usopp is honestly feeling a bit left out because?? She hasn't yet kissed Nami??? So they finally kiss. And then they kiss again. And Sanji joins. And they're the cutest thing on earth. And telling the crew is just as easy as Franky seeing them like that, telling him... And the word spreads fast enough.

This is getting long but, basically: They're the clingiest throuple in the whole world. If they were all annoying at first, imagine how annoying they are now. At this point, there's no "girls' room" anymore because Robin has moved to sleep with Franky, so Sanji, Usopp, and Nami have their own room. Which is good for literally all the crew because imagine having to deal with them. Sanji is so loud about her love for her girls... She's constantly showering them equally with love and cooking their favorite meals. She's always panicking a bit because she wants to give attention to both but sometimes Usopp is in her workshop and Nami is taking care of her trees so what is she supposed to do??!!! She wishes she could be everywhere at the same time... They end up telling her to do whatever she wants and follow her heart and split her time because they know she loves them equally and she doesn't need to prove anything. For Nami, dating her best friend and the person she thought was incredibly annoying at first is... Weird. She isn't used to so much affection from Sanji. Like, reciprocating the affection and loving him back. It's weird because now he isn't annoying at all but incredibly sweet? And her relationship with Usopp is pretty much the same except that now they kiss and hold hands and whenever Nami is like "Zoro! Carry me!" he always goes "Tell one of your girlfriends to do it" and it sucks because tbh Zoro does look like he has comfy muscles to rest on. Usopp is so excited about this! She loves both of them deeply she never thought this would happen. She sends letters to Kaya constantly about them, too! They're just,,, So so sweet. They go to sleep together and wake up cuddling and all tangled up. Usopp and Nami do gardening together but they always end up making out behind the trees. Sanji and Nami try to be casual about it but Sanji just loves showing all the love she has for her girlfriend to the world so PDA is something assured. Sanji and Usopp always spend the night watches together (Nami doesn't because it's comfier in bed and bold of you to assume she's getting out of there). Usopp gets stronger and toned post-ts and Nami and Sanji are always sitting on top of her. Sanji has a lot of issues going on after what happened in WCI/Wano and both Usopp and Nami help them go through their panic attacks. Usopp draws them all the time and has her whole sketchbook filled with drawings of her partners. Nami always peels the best tangerines from her trees and brings them to them even though Sanji insists on being the one doing it, but Nami says that sometimes she needs to be the one eating and not just serving. They share clothes constantly, but they have different clothing styles so sharing clothes pretty much happens either on accident or whenever they want to make Sanji go insane. Usopp leaves notes and drawings for them all over the ship. Nami is always offering to put makeup on them but it's always an excuse to be close. She also often falls asleep while working on her maps so they have to carry her to their room without waking her up. Nami loves brushing Usopp's hair!! Sanji absolutely adores feeding them sometimes like, playfully, and you can imagine how that ends. Oh!!! And Usopp is always giving them flowers. Not to mention that Nami often creates rainbows for them because they're pretty!! Also, when the fight isn't that serious, both Usopp and Nami act like they need saving because they know how much Sanji adores playing the hero. Usopp tells them stories while they paint each other's nails and talk shit about other people together.

This is the best relationship ever because it's just three best friends to lovers. My absolute beloved. I have a lot of,,, More ideas for them,,, But yeah,,,, Thank you so much for this ask. I love talking about them.

#adding namivivi and usokaya bc they need to exist in this au too #i love turning canon men into sapphic girls #but really i have so many ideas i am so excited #they mean the whole world to me #as usual zoro is a hater and can't stand seeing them being annoying bc sanji keeps saying he got the best girls. as if zoro wasn't like. ga #imagine zeff's face when sanji comes back home with two girlfriends and also a different body. supportive dad but okay wow so many changes #here in this blog we love poly sapphic throuples !!!!!!! #i'll be posting more about this probably #one piece #black leg sanji #usopp #transfem sanji #genderfluid sanji #transfem usopp #cat burglar nami #nami #sanuso #usonami #sanami #sanusona #this might be my favorite ship now oops

[alexawynters]

Question to the trans men out there, I am in need of some advice, please!!!

(People from home I think I cleared you out but if I missed you and you see this post - no you didnt)

So this is probably weird and please don't judge me, but.. how did you always know you were a guy? How did you know, did you feel like you were trapped in the wrong body, or were there other clues?

Just asking because.. well.. just for some background, I am afab lesbian, but when I was little my daycare once asked me which Disney character I'd like to be and I apparently said "Aladdin ", and I think about that a lot.

I also think about how I always felt wrong growing up, and then I learned about lesbians and I thought "oh I'm not in the wrong body, I'm just a lesbian".

But.. I don't know? Haha. Weird. My friends say I'm way too feminine in my mannerisms to ever be a dude the few times I've jokingly brought it up. Not sure if that's just the patriarchy and toxic masculinity or if they're right and I'm just super confused lol 🙃 I will absolutely give them that I do have what are considered to be feminine mannerisms and I am absolutely very in touch with my emotions (I will cry at the drop of a hat - I'm squishy, don't yell at me).

I've always been friends with girls, I've always liked/loved girls. I know for a fact I'm attracted to women, and I'm not overly fond of men. The few male friends I have are usually trans men, or gay men, but even they are few and far between.

I love video games, I love adventurous things like horse back riding or going to the shooting range, but I also love when my girl friends want to come spill the tea, I get super giddy, like come on girrrlll, spill! He said wHAT?! The AUDACITY!

But also I hate my body. Total body dysmorphia, I cry and vomit when I have to look in the mirror too long. To be clear this is not just because I am over weight although that certainly doesn't help. My tits are DDD and I mean they're fantastic if I wanna wear a blouse (barf), but if I wanna wear a t-shirt it makes like this weird shelf I hate it.

I look at men's bodies, even those not super fit, and I'm envious. The jaw, the shoulders. The fit of the clothes, ughhh I wish my clothes fit ME like that! I've tried! Multiple exercises, I've seen masc women say get rid of your curves to help build that physique but it never seems to do the job. Everyone compliments me on my highly hourglass figure. I hate it.

I see tiktok and Tumblr posts of trans men who are almost fully transitioned, and they look so happy in themselves, so confident. They look like how *I* want to look.

Growing up, any time I tried to wear anything I felt remotely comfortable in, my mother would say I looked like a "dyker-biker" (wtf even is that insult, mom???). Which isn't inherently anything bad, but the way she said it always made me feel like I should be ashamed, so I feel like I learned to avoid wearing the clothes I actually wanted to wear.

I hate dresses and skirts. I don't care what temperature it is outside. I would rather die than wear either. Shorts, pants, or nothing.

I've sort of tried to broach the topic with friends as I mentioned, and they always say I'm too feminine, or I would have to be gay (no offense men, no thank you). Don't get me wrong our entire friend group is queer lf some sort with the exception of two token straight friends, so the topic should be safe with them if I qanted to bring it up more seriously. But the brushing it off has me terrified. They used to talk about a former friend of ours for example when we were in college and you know figuring ourselves out, who used to waffle between their identity and we all (I'm ashamed to say I went along eith it) said they were just doing it for the attention or to go with the flavor of the month.

Well.. I don't want them to think that about me. Karma is a bitch haha. Especially not my best friend. She's been my best friend for almost two decades, we've had ups and downs, we've grown, we've been through everything together. She's like my sister. I don't know what I would do if I figured this out, made some decision, and lost her because of it.

I know that's doing her and our friendship a disservice, we have grown, we aren't in hs or college anymore. She is the most caring and understanding person I've ever met, but I'm so, so scared.

That's not even to speak of my family. My mother took twenty five years to properly accept that I'm gay. She nearly crashed the car when I first came our (not my best timing tbf). My mother and I have finally made great strides in repairing our relationship, I'm not sure I want to rock the boat with even trying to figure this out.

I thought when I moved from Mississippi to Denver that I would leave everything and everyone behind and start over completely so I could figure this out. That didn't happen because life is fucking expensive and I ended up moving with some friends back home, I haven't really made any new friends and I certainly haven't let go of the old. I'm terrified to explore any of this, but I'm so tired of feeling miserable and not feeling like I'm myself. I don't know who that person is yet but I'm 34 and I want to finally finally figure that out and then be them.

So I guess I'm wondering, how do you know? How do you know who you are? And is it possible that I could just be a straight man in a woman's body? While still maintaining my mannerisms? Or maybe I'm just supposed to be a butch 'bean? But that doesn't feel right either. Idk lol pls send help haha I'm not crying while I write this or anything it's fine.

Also sorry this is all over the place.

#queer community #trans #gender fluid #gender queer #lesbians #ftm

[skloomdumpster]

Time to talk about the outfits, Flora and Beatrix being the best one to dress. It suits teenagers and definitely had little Y2K vibe to it. I wish Flora had more skirts but yeah it’s just me. Bloom and Aisha being next, they improved from the whole red and blue color coded clothes to more realistic ones. Bloom’s blue dress was stunning easily the best, loved Aisha’s outfit party too. Still there are those oversized outfits that Bloom had and it was weird for her. The last three are the worst, Musa was mess, look like a toddler trying to dress herself. (1/2)

Terra, seriously what that thing they put her in for the party, I got that she supposed to be a lesbian but you couldn’t find something better? Eliot Salt if I remember correctly is a lesbian herself and her suits are great unlike her character . They really did her dirty. Then finally we have Stella, look everyone I understand the whole rebellious princess they wanted to go with her character and I don’t mind it her writing was great this season that being said I still think they just rushed so fast with it! I didn’t see enough of Stella in S1 and her fashion wasn’t great either, so her moving away immediately without taking time to see more of her princess/fashionista vibe came out as if they were lazy to put her in fancy clothes. Maybe because Stella was my favorite fairy growing up that’s why I am upset about her the most XD (2/2)

Alright fashion time!

I think I agree with pretty much everything you’ve sad nonny. Flora, Beatrix, Bloom were great, I don’t agree on the oversized not suiting Bloom (I think it makes a LOT of sense with her character and her journey this season). 

Aisha... You put her as one of the “Ok” and agreed. Hell, even more of a eeeeh than okay. The yellow bar outfit and the party satin suit were bangers and I loved them - though I wish she was in heels at the party. Considering Bloom and Stell were wearing super refined shoes and Aisha wanted to impress the alumni, I wish they had given her the heels. That said.... Can we just stop putting this woman in track suits. Please? I don’t give a flying fuck if her cartoon counterpart was sporty, stop putting her in freaking gym clothes!!

Now... Stella. Personally speaking, I have to say I loved everything she wore. Sometimes they felt out of place, but definitely fit MY style. However, like you said, for the fashionista princess rebel... No. I can excuse the first episode, but as it’s shown by both her getting closer to Beatrix and her letter to her mom, Stella tries a different approach straight after ep2. She’s playing Luna’s game. If she’s playing Luna’s game, I wish her looks were more fashionista yes and also that they reflected how trapped she felt. Everything she wore looked so damn comfy, I don’t want her comfy, she’s suffering! I want Stella in military inspired outfits! I want her wearing constricting clothing! Beauty is pain! 

Terra. Honestly, just preach anon. Nothing to add there. I liked some of Terra’s outfits in season 1 and it bothers me how she completely stopped dressing like that in s2, as if her coming to senses with her sexuality somehow was reflected in her style, which I just... Don’t agree? She’s such an absolute romantic and shy and just bashful. Lean into the femme!! 

Then there’s Musa. Nothing to say there, it sucked, I hope whoever keeps dressing her gets fired. Period.

-

We didn’t talk about the guys’ fashion but I do have a couple cents to throw. 

Riven’s outfits AND Dane’s this season all felt like they had thought put into it and they reflected something of the characters which I really appreciated. Sebastian was rocking his Just-Some-Guy fits.

Sky looks amazing in huge jackets and the slutty little knife holder in his back keeps me up at night. I didn’t love the brown suit tho, but I did like the 90s boxy style they went for. I don’t love Sky in black but it made sense with his emo phase so I’ll suffer in silence (please give me this man in cuddly sweaters, I’m begging on my knees).

Silva... Silva was suffering from Andreas S1′s disease. Was he only allowed 1 outfit? criminal. Bring back the dad sweaters!

Andreas - I don’t know Ken is too hot, everything he wears looks perfect. 1000/10. 

Grey needs to be shirtless more often. And get RID of that bloody fucking windbreaker. 

Sam looked awful, but in a good way because his character was going Through it. Very appreciated. 

#fate the winx saga #Fate: The Winx Saga #answered #elisha should honestly start suing by now

[martianbugsbunny]

OUAT Thoughts Pt.24--Episodes 6-7

I have watched through S3E7; spoilers DNI. Also, spoiler warning for anyone further behind than I am.

—Ariel was worth the wait. Her naïveté comes off better than OG!Ariel’s did, because she doesn’t seem stupid so much as inexperienced—which is generally the point of being naive.

—Her picking around Rumplestiltskin’s shop was adorable. And calling a fork a mini-trident? So cute!

—Also, I just like slightly older Ariel. I think it’s because her actions are no longer those of a pouty, rebellious-for-no-reason teenager.

—Her mermaid-on-land outfit is so pretty. I love how much the skirt looks like her tail. And the sparkles on her midsection are the perfect touch.

—JoAnna Garcia is a great actor, too. I especially loved her in the Astronaut Wives’ Club, as Betty Grissom. That role killed me.

—I love that Snow and Ariel wore shorter dresses in Eric’s kingdom. Either the actors or the writers totally wanted to throw a couple of short formals in there just for kicks, so they came up with the idea of it being a regional style. I mean, the dresses don’t strictly vibe with the fairytale aesthetic, but it’s alright. At least they weren’t ugly.

—It’s interesting that Eric’s perception of Ariel is different, too. Like, OG!Eric? Total dumbass. He remembers Ariel enough to be obsessed with finding her, but not enough to remember her face? This Eric is better. I love that he decides Ariel can’t be the same person who saved him, but that the mythical being he does believe to be his savior also showed him a vision of his future with Ariel. So he connects her to his rescue, not in the right way, but he at least gets a B for effort.

—Why is Ursula gold? That’s weird! And why do we never get an Ursula who’s actually a drag queen?

—Y’all, I knew those guys in Storybrooke were the Darling brothers. Two British dudes, one of whom wears glasses, who just happen to be working for Peter Pan? Come on!

—Kinda sucks that they’re adults while Wendy is still a kid. If their ages don’t even out via magic at some point, it will be very depressing.

—On the total opposite from depressing, I got to see Dr. Hopper! I’m so happy! And he wasn’t just chilling in the background somewhere, he was basically being Belle’s emotional support human. Which, lucky for me, showcases his emotional intuition beautifully. I adore that part of him. *gazes lovingly at the ex-cricket*

—Also, his smile is enchanting. Not to be dramatic or anything, but, you know…love me a gorgeous smile. 😍

—Peter knows exactly what Henry wants to hear. Also, he’s a kid, so he’s naturally gullible. Which of course means something terrible is going to happen that Henry will be indirectly responsible (because it’s Peter who’s really to blame) and he’s going to get a terrible dose of reality.

—Hm. It might even crush his magical beliefs. Wouldn’t that just be peachy. *sarcastic* *annoyed at the very idea*

—I hate the love triangle between Emma, Baelfire, and Hook. First, most love triangles aren’t worth it. Second, I wish I could slap a polycule on it and be done, but with Hook and Baelfire’s past relationship (and secondarily, the fact that Hook dated Bae’s mom) I can’t really do that. I hate being stalemated.

—Not that I polycule everything. A lot of the times, a love triangle has a couple in it (or the two people vying for the third person’s attention who definitely won’t be a couple) with obvious chemistry, so I pick that as my ship. Because frankly, most love triangles are trite, forced drama. But Emma has good chemistry with both Bae and Hook, and I like both Bae and Hook as people, so I can’t pick between them. I guess this ship will be determined by what the writers do, for once.

—Also, Emma picking Henry was a total cop-out. There’s no way she said that as anything but a way to deflect from having to talk about her feelings.

—scary forest scary forest scary forest

—Very bad, would not go there. As if the creaking trees and the creepy reddish lighting wasn’t bad enough, it’s full of evil shadows!

—Speaking of shadows, how dare they have shadows with Dr. Facilier? Dude’s an icon, I’d much rather see him than Peter. Besides, I bet if Facilier showed up in OUAT, he’d be drop-dead gorgeous.

—But the Princess and the Frog takes placed in New Orleans, which oh-so-inconveniently happens to be on Earth, so it might be harder to adapt well.

—How long are they going to keep dropping Oz references without actually going there/having any of the characters on? It’s getting ridiculous!

—MMMMM, Pandora’s Box. It’s an interesting concept, but I’m not quite sure how that can help. Unless, of course, it doesn’t unleash something—it sucks the greatest evil in. Which is Peter Pan, at the moment. Other than that, I’ve got nothing.

—Snow and Charming are a great couple. They both have moments where they’re a little bit too self-sacrificing for their own good, but that chalks up to their sheer goodness and their love for each other. But they both fight hard for their relationship. That’s an underrated trope, imo. Of course you have to fight for love. It’s not easy just because it’s the right person for you.

#once upon a time #ouat #Ariel #Snow White #prince Eric charming #ursula #prince David charming #Emma swan #baelfire #Captain Hook #Peter Pan #Henry #Pandora's box #Wendy darling #the darling brothers #martianbugsbunny reviews

[macaroni-rascal]

Oh I am watching everything and taking names. Nobody is safe from my fashion takes this weekend, I don't have to work until Tuesday. I could go back and cover whatever I missed if you guys want, was it only the pairs SP?

The women's event was such a struggle in the outfit department. Before I say anything, I'd just like to emphasize that I'm not dragging the girls themselves, most of them are teenagers and we all know what they go through in this fucking sport. No, who I have beef with is the grossly overpaid adults in their lives who are advising them or even outright controlling what they do and wear. I might have to do this in 2 parts, we'll see.

Seoyeong Wi, sigh. There's a reason no one has managed to make a truly successful P&P 2005 program when even Marina tried - the soundtrack is too short and too specific to the scenes (as any good soundtrack should be). They just played a light and bright piece before a tense and very much period-sounding one and called it a day, no transition, no nothing. A composer would have to sit down, deconstruct and have an orchestra re-record a bespoke P&P program for it to work. The dress, while okay, had nothing to do with the theme, and muted neutrals just don't look great against the cool white of the ice and the harsh TV lighting.

Nini, my long-suffering child. Her mom better pray our paths never cross. Wildly inappropriate music choice and opening pose for a 16yo. The outfit I can only describe as goth Coachella. Great body alignment and mechanics into the elements but knowing the expense at which it came kinda ruins it for me. I hope she can be free and fly away one day soon.

Clare - yet another Tammy victim. Why is the V in the front of the dress so sharp and deep when the one on the back is much softer and rounder? What are those bedazzled flowers at the hip and why do they exist? Why the second strap across the hips? The dress is a strawberry macaroon, it does anything but elongate her lines, and the music is equally saccharine. They should've kept her in junior.

I'm so proud of Mana's dress for surviving that tiger attack to be here. No, but seriously, who did this? The color isn't the worst but paired with the black edges and the not-quite-matching mesh, it's a hard miss. Don't even get me started on the music - she was skating through it, not to it, and disappointingly, this wasn't the only case of electronic music that would be playing at a daytime DJ gig in a riverside cafe in any major city in the world rn. It only made sense after I saw her coach wearing a crocheted blanket over a checkered tablecloth.

Hana - god help me. I actually thought the cut was great, it really flattered her figure, but why that color, why that pattern, and most importantly, why the randomly placed black straps? Ka2sh straight to jail for the music choice too, did she even listen to the lyrics? Bury this song next to Big Spender, if you ask me. We've seen so many programs trying to replicate the success of Wakaba's Energia and just falling flat, just give up already, none of you are Shae-lynn or Wakababy.

It's awful that I knew Mone was skating to Dark Eyes as soon as I saw her in the warmup. The top of the dress is at war with the bottom, the sleeve length is truly random, and why are we doing a Russian song this particular season? The top is overbeaded like last year and I was worried it would rip under the arms every time she lifted them. I like the shape, movement and length of the skirt but it's all just sooo outdated, I'm literally begging these coaches to not underserve these talented girls like this.

I'll be back with Part 2 after I put myself through the men's event.

Fasionista nonny!

Agreed on you caveat, I have gotten lots of weird/angry messages from people when I criticize anything about young women's skaters under the guise of 'they are just kids' as if I am attacking them personally just because I think their jump technique is bad.

I think one day a 2005 Pride and Prejudice program will be possible, the music cut just has to be right, as you said. Clare 100% should still be juniors, she wasn't ready for this. I did not understand the Mana dress or music choice, she is not performing to it, the movements don't match the music, there was a weird dissonance on the ice the entire program, she just had a bland smile on her face the whole time. I actually liked Mana's dress, I just wish there was no blue on the bottom, that was weird, should have just made it simple black.

#konner talks skating #fashionista nonny

[elliebear666]

So, despite my depression spirals?

Let's talk about my transition.

Am I in any way regretting the changes? No. Not a single bit. In fact, I'm a little sad in some ways that the changes aren't MORE, ya know... massive? That I didn't develop normal sized and looking breasts. That my face structure is still the same, even if more feminine. That my hips didn't widen. Etc. I'm sad that the effects didn't literally make me female lol and that's the ONLY issue.

What negative effects have I experienced? Hmm... anxiety about not looking feminine enough. Depression about not looking feminine enough. So essentially the same dysphoria I experienced before, only now massively reduced.

Positive things I've experienced?

God, where do I start? Umm... I have developed breasts. They're perky and small, but I wear bras now. It's... as silly as this sounds? Going out and buying bras for myself? Made me so fucking happy. I can't express the euphoria I experienced as a trans girl going to buy bras with my mom. I'm literally going to cry about this. The experiences I never got? Just small things like this? God I... it sounds so silly but it is just... I'm happy.

My hips and butt have both become more full. I feel pretty in tight jeans, and my legs look feminine enough that, as long as I shave my legs, I wear shorts now! I used to HATE shorts because of my leg hair! As a teen, I wanted to shave my legs with my mom's razor but I don't think I did. But, when I was dating a girl, she was insecure about her body hair so I was like... why don't you shave? She was nervous but I said, "Okay. Tell you what. I'll shave too!" In truth? I felt excited at the prospect. I shaved and she shaved. I realized I loved it. She realized she preferred not to. So, I shave pretty often now and feel happy wearing shorts. :)

My experience with estrogen changing my emotions? So... I've always been an emotional person. I'm a big cry baby. But my emotions often felt... like, yes, I experienced numbness and emptiness often but... my experience has become... how do I describe this? More right? When I experience emotions? Like, in the past, I felt like the world was in shades of gray. Everything felt lifeless and empty and cold. And now? I feel like I can see in color. I feel like I'm experiencing emotions that are even more full and robust. I do cry more easily now too. I'm not sure if it's because I am accepting my feelings or because estrogen has caused that change. But I used to be bothered how, as I grew? The changes of testosterone? They were AWFUL.

Let's talk about clothing and style. Ya girl went through a series of aesthetic changes and issues lmao like I didn't know how to dress or fully what I liked. As time has passed, I'm coming into what I like. For the longest time, I wore an oversized rainbow dyed hoodie and jeans/leggings. I wanted to express with my clothing that I was living a light of life and vivacity and vividness. Now? Ya girl is back to wearing a lot of black. I still wear blue jeans, etc. But I don't wear tshirts much if at all unless as a night shirt. I have dresses and skirts and I LOVE some of my dresses to death. I was definitely sad when summer ended and I couldn't wear dresses anymore. But, summer is coming and I can start wearing them again!!!! I love that my outfits say "girl" now. I feel shapely and I feel attractive. Men hit on me which... is an interesting development? Being approached by literal strangers interested in sex or wanting to give me their number is... odd - I accepted one number, but blocked him after a weird call, and shut down everyone else. Especially because most of these men don't know I'm transgender. I haven't been misgendered in years. I do worry about the weight I've lost making me look more masculine though.

Dating as a woman? Existing as a woman in the world? It's been an experience. The level of anxiety and worry I had about passing was astronomical. Now... I get called ma'am, miss, girlfriend. Baby girl... and I just... god. I'm smiling my ass off. I'm a daughter and a sister and an aunt. The level of euphoria I've experienced about the changes to these titles? About my pronouns? She/her/hers. I am beyond happy. I am so fucking happy about this aspect. I didn't want to be a brother or boyfriend or son or uncle or husband or father because... I wasn't a man. I said I didn't want to get married or have children (1. Didn't want to "pass on what I have" 2. Didn't want to be a husband or a father.) Although, there was a person I wanted to marry, I would have... not been able to live as a man to be with this woman. But now? The thought of being a mother? A wife? I could do that. I fact... I would be ecstatic to be someone's wife :) just imagining, "Hey, guys. This is my wife, Ellie!" Shivers! Whenever I adopt? I'll be a mom :) Being a girlfriend is amazing lmao I'm so happy that guys have told me they want me to be their girlfriend.

Let's see... what else?

Learning to change my voice? The level of vocal dysphoria I have experienced in my life has been truly awful. Like... bad. I spent a good couple years feminizing my voice and I am happy with the results. Although I wish it didn't have to be a CHOICE to change my voice, and that was just how it was? I enjoyed the journey aspect of finding my voice. I can now talk and hear a voice that is MINE! Like... this is MY voice! And like... I've cried and laughed and been so fucking euphoric about having a voice that matches who I am. I wish cis people knew what this experience was like for trans people. However? Although I have come to love my voice in its own way, for singing? Um... I still experience dysphoria to a good degree about my singing voice. But, I don't think that's something I could easily change? Especially because of the damage I caused my vocal chords. Like, it is what it is, but... tbh? I was screaming for years because I was in pain. I was angry and hurting and lost and broken and dysphoric. And I was destroying myself. I was destroying myself because the body I inhabited felt so goddamn wrong. Like... fuck. Idek. I'm sorry...

Let's see... what else 🤔

Ahhh, my name!!! So. I wrote a book some time ago. And a character in it was named Ellianore. When I first started considering names? I considered using that name. That's the name I used in online games a lot. But I decided that the Ellianore was... a bit bunch? Um... and I settled on Elleanor instead. Madeline (pronounced madalyn) So, the reason I chose Madeline was... I love the name for one lol. And then... my mom used to call me Mattie as a kid. And the nickname for Madeline is Maddie :) I'm sure you can put two and two together. I felt like it was a nod to the past, to my mom that I love so much, and a brave, bold step into my future. My old name was Matthew Evan. My new name is Elleanor Madeline. The initials just switched around!!! Isn't that cool!?

So?

In summary... the positive I've experienced far, far, far outweigh the negative. The negative being shit I already dealt with, just now not as severe and mitigated as best I can at current. I have no regrets. This is who I am and what I needed. I'm experiencing euphoria, living a life that feels authentic. And I am finally finding contentment in myself as a person.

I guess... some of my regrets would be that I didn't transition as a teen. I do regret that. And I regret how I allowed myself to act due to my pain and depression with my life. I've hurt people I love... and I so very much regret to my core these mistakes.

I look forward to the future. I look forward to my surgery. I look forward to the years I have left in which I can live and love authentically.

[weird-stuff-enjoyer]

Being a woman is traumatizing.

I know people have made posts like this already, but I want to talk too. This doesn't talk only about being a female, but also about growing up with the church.

I hate being a woman. I hate having periods, I hate having boobs and having a feminine face. Don't get me wrong, I'm not uncomfortable with my body because I want to be another gender, I'm uncomfortable with my body because it's so overly sexualized. I can't cross my legs, I can't stretch without getting weird looks, I get judged for "walking wrong". My parents forced me to wear dresses and skirts, listen, my mom would put earrings on me while I was asleep because I didn't let her. I have some pretty vivid memories of being forced into dresses that were too small for me and shoes that hurt my feet but I still had to wear them because "I'm a girl". I grew up in the church, wich messed with my head a lot. I used to ask my mom why is women couldn't be leaders and such and she always said "we have our place". We could only be part of a small group of other women. I had to wear a pantyhose and dresses in cold days and sit through an hour of sermons that I had no idea what they even meant.

I will never understand why people say that women belong in the kitchen, why they say we should stay at home and make babies. They say that women should be submissive and listen to our husbands and be mothers.

Porn promotes violence against women and is very misleading on women's anatomy. I've seen many people on the internet that don't even know how a vagina works or how painful a period can be. I can't even go through my period without having to take medicine, and I don't even know if it's just period pain or if I have appendicitis, that's how bad the pain is. And it's not just pain, it's irritability, it's headaches and dizziness and sickness and I am expected to continue on my day because I should be strong and just get over it. I cried the other day and was only able to function normally after I took some pretty strong medicine and slept for a while.

I can't have male friends without people thinking we are dating or assuming we like each other, I am uncomfortable with hugging my own male friends because I don't want people to say we are dating.

Mind you, one time I had a conversation with a guy I wasn't friends with. I didn't like him and he didn't like me, but we talked because he was interested in my arstyle and wanted to learn how to draw it, so he asked me to draw the anatomy in his notebook. The girls in the corner of the room were talking about us like we were dating.

Even they did that. I was really pissed, but I didn't say anything.

I make my sexually clear everywhere I go: Lesbian. I don't wanna stay in the same ambient as someone who disapproves of my sexual orientation, so I make it clear that you should avoid me if you're against that.

I made it clear to them I had no interest in dating boys. Yet they still shipped me with some random dude I barely even knew. It's so infuriating.

I hate being a woman.

#personal vent #trauma vent #i hate being a woman

[andnowilovecats]

2022/07/18

hey. i am not fully eager to write this down. plus i haven’t do the stuff that i’ve told the phd student from stanford that i’ve already done. which is bad. and to be honest i am really sad right now. i have tones of shit that need to be done.

anyways. so ya all know that i am non-binary. i am not fully sure what’s my gender identity. i’m just sure that i don’t like anything that is super genderly, for example a skirt. and for some other reasons my mom (if i still call her a “mom”) pictures those “high class lady”s wear skirts and what ever things. the point is those are all very uncomfortable for me. i think i equally amount hate the idea of dress and suit (if those shits are on me). i think they are both too genderly. i prefer things like hoodie and shorts. cause basically everyone can wear that. not like if you are a girl wear suit people will expect you are having gender identity things going on, or think that you are gay. anyways not the point. i just want to state that i am super happy in my comfortable zone of hoodies and shorts.

also i have this classmate called katarina, and idk she seems to be like some high class people. and my mom really like her. she seems to have some weird idea of her being some sort of “high class lady” thing. she’s always talking about her for some reason. and talking about how her boyfriend already excel his life and stuff. and how she doesn’t need to work hard to get money. but also she is super excited about how katarina’s dad’s company to loose money and get broke. i have no idea what’s happening around here.

//cause tbh when she is talking about this i am mostly thinking about how to sneak in a gay bar.

my dad called my mom last week. (okay so i don’t really remember cause i don’t fucking care actually.) i don’t really knows what’s going on. but according to my mom. he is going to north pole next month. i don’t know why is this a bad thing. like he is working and earning money, like she asked and complained. why is she so mad about this. like she is shouting for days, about how he don’t care about things and are just leaving for fun. i have no idea where this thing came from. like how. like my dad is a scientist. he need to travel around for like ... uh ... datas. like i mean it’s part of the job right. to be honest that’s also the reason that i want this job cause like hey, you get to go to norway. but not the point. anyways now my mom is claiming that if my dad don’t care she is also not going to care. so now she want’s to spend money to also travel around. and just give up my college essays and stuff. not like i care but like idk, this is nonsense.

why is she so sure that everyone is talking behind me. like why is someone living with this kind of sadness. i know that i can’t make everyone happy. but i am also sure that my friends won’t do shits behind me. i prefer to trust them. cause that’s more easier and also there’s really no that much bad people on earth. also out of no where, i believe them are all good people.

i love them. at least they are fine of me being me. they are fine with me being gay. they are fine with me not succeed and being a failure. they know me and yet accept me of who i am. although someone is trying to talk me away from trump and republicans (which then we find out i have no idea i just got brain washed by my mom). i am not sure what to believe but i think trust them will be easier. also i appreciate the fact that it’s a “them” as in plural not “her” in singular.

why isn’t she trust my aunt. like it’s her own sister. like she have said for like whole life about trusting her. and them my aunt said that it’s fine for me to be like that. suddenly she have this speech of other people are all saying things behind me. like it’s just so sad and pathetic to not trust any other people on the world. i am already very lonely, but at least i got someone to talk to, and like i know they are doing their best to make me happy. and i have been better. like this is all just so ridiculous.

also fun fact. she is laughing at me cause i’m always too stress before exams and meetings. she think i “didn’t manage to have a good and healthy life”. ironically she is the only reason that i am so stress out. 

the facts keep telling me that it’s not my fault. but i can’t believe so. cause i’m dumb. maybe.

i’m scared. just. no matter how much time you forgive yourself and tells yourself to be strong. every time you face that again. you always turns back to that suffering six year old kid. who have no control of their own life, and need to escape to that imaginary world with that imaginary family to make self not suicide.

also i hate cs. god she is shouting at me calling me blind and idiot. and the only reason i am doing this is just because she make me to do so. i do not want to major anything close to cs. to be honest i hate this major. i hate everything that has any connection with this. i didn’t hate this until she make me do so. now i hate this so much. i can pretty much promise myself that once i get a chance i will never touch anything that’s close to technology ever again.

also 01 if you are reading this pls pls pls be better at cs so i will never have to ask my mom anymore.

[aramaura]

You know I came out in high school as asexual. I think it was my senior year 2008. I remember everyone asking me and my women's studies class what does that mean? You aren't attracted to anything? And I'm just like yeah I don't feel sexual attraction towards anything at all. But coming out as asexual was a lot easier than trying to figure out what the f*** my goddamn gender was.

You see, since I was a kid I was always laser focused on male characters. One of the biggest flags was that I was obsessed with being Ashitaka from Princess Mononoke! My father told me that he thought I was a boy trapped in a girl's body. (Mother did not like this and wanted me to look like a girl.) I dressed in a combination of boys and girls clothes growing up, and my wardrobe continues to have this weird amalgamation even to this day.

Back then, my best friend, a little boy who was about 3 years younger than me, and I would always play pretend or with dolls. He was obsessed with being the girls on the shows. And I was obsessed with being the boys. There were many examples. I was Link, he was Zelda. I was Li, and he was Sakura. I was Tenchi, he was Ayeka. I was Heero Yuy or Domon Kaashu, and he was Princess Relena or Rayne. The list went on. The only change was in Sailor Moon. I was fascinated with Sailor Uranus... Both a girl and a guy? I also found out about Sailor Star Fighter, Sailor Star Maker, and Sailor Star Healer. Legit, boys that could transform into girls and back? It felt closer to home. I still want to look like Ashitaka though.

So to this day, I'm confused A.F. about my gender. I'm not particularly attached to being male or female. I refer to myself as Mx. I've essentially resigned myself to considering myself agender. I still feel more comfortable in men's clothes, but I have relaxed on my hatred of women's clothes and I'm allowing myself to wear a skirt sometimes. I think I had internalized misogyny. That and lingering resentment over being forced to look like a girl. (Mother and I always argued over my hair length.)

Then, mom passed away last July. I miss her so much. I love her no matter our disagreements over my gender. But I thought that when she passed away I would be more open with my gender identity. I wasn't. I remained stagnant. I was in mourning.

Earlier this year, January 7th, 2022, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Now, I'm bald. What hair length? I am going to need to have surgery to remove my breasts. I was talking about this for years, but I wasn't really going to go through with it because elective surgery = expensive a.f. But now it's a necessity. I'm that much closer to looking more androgynous.

And so here's the thing. It was sudden. All at once I suddenly have no hair, I'm slated to lose my breasts after chemo ends, and I feel like it's moving so fast. I know I don't want bottom surgery, I don't want T, but I do want to look androgynous. What does this make me? Am I trans? Am I enby? I don't know. Does my feeling of moving too fast make me less of a member of the LGBT community?

TL;DR?

Asexual, confused, possibly Agender person just wants some advice. And maybe a hug.

#transgender #confused #asexual #advice please #im a grown adult #why am i still confused about my gender? #agender #gender fluid #gender neutral

[harksness]

Type of Love

A/N: So I wrote a lil Kate Bishop thing because I am o b s e s s e d with this woman, I couldn’t get her in that suit off of my mind. Hopefully two uploads in one day makes up for my absence on here lately, the other requests will be out soon! <3 ALSO IF YOU RECOGNIZE THE OUTFIT I PUT THE READER IN ILYYYYYYYY <3333333

Also also.. I wanted to add another scene where I basically continue the ending of this fic but I felt like it was getting too long.. So if yall are interested in a pt 2 let me know what you think and I’ll write one! :D

Word Count: 2.6k

Summary: Things have been weird between you and Kate for some time now. When she’s visiting home after being away at college, the two of you unexpectedly see each other again at a party and your feelings come to light.

Warnings: None. 

The second Kate sees you in that dress all coherent thoughts go out of the window.

All she can do is admire you, jaw dropped slightly and eyes wide as she drinks in your appearance. You’re wearing a gown, looking akin to royalty. Like you’re straight out of a fairytale, a real life Disney Princess.

Nevermind that, Kate thinks to herself- you’re more breathtaking than any Disney Princess.

The dress hugs your waist and chest snugly, leaving the soft skin of your shoulders and upper chest bare. She swallows hard as her eyes trail over the cut of your collar bone, her gaze moving down the purple fabric and the black, erratic pattern of lines on it. A black sash is tied above your hips, the dress fanning out into a flowy, elegant skirt, a vibrant cloud of purple and black. Long white gloves cover your arms, your hair neatly tied into a bun and a simple jewel hanging from your neck.

All she can manage to do is stare. Admire you from across the ballroom, wanting to approach you but not knowing what to say.

Kate has had a crush on you ever since the two of you were kids running around her penthouse. She’s always found you to be absolutely stunning, but this is surreal. A living, breathing fairytale right in front of her eyes.

“You should ask her to dance.”

Kate snaps her head towards her mother, gasping in surprise. She hadn’t noticed her standing there.

“Jesus, Mom, you scared the crap out of me!”

She scolds her mother, half trying to get the attention off of her obvious crush and half being genuinely irritated.

“Yeah, well, I noticed you pining from across the room, so I thought I’d come and give you some motivation.”

Eleanor tries to motivate her daughter; she has never been open about her crush on her childhood friend, but Kate is anything but subtle. Her mother was able to catch on quickly.

“What? No, that’s ridiculous, why- no-”

She stutters, completely taken off guard. Eleanor rolls her eyes. 

“I mean- We haven’t talked since before I left for college, it would be weird!”

Kate settles on that excuse, but her mother isn’t having it. She shares a knowing look with her child before letting an exasperated sigh leave her lips.

“Alright, I’ll be right back..”

Eleanor mumbles before taking off in your direction.

“No, Mom, what are you doing-”

She doesn’t get the chance to finish her sentence as she watches her mother walk away. Kate watches in horror as she approaches you, and immediately your radiant features alight with a smile upon seeing Eleanor. The two of you strike up a conversation, you look so excited to be reunited with her.

Kate smiles softly at the sight. She’s missed you.

Then, her mom gestures back towards where she’s standing, and her eyes meet yours for the first time in what feels like forever. Her heart skips a beat. Your eyes light up excitedly as you immediately excuse yourself and run over to her, holding your skirt in between your gloved fingers as you make your way across the venue. 

You’re grinning ear to ear, and Kate feels her throat go dry as you approach.

“Kate! I’ve missed you so much!”

You take her hands in your own, wanting to hug her but not knowing if it would cross any boundaries. Things have been a bit weird between the two of you for a while and you don’t want to push anything, afraid of losing your best friend permanently. You smile excitedly, absolutely ecstatic to be seeing her again.

She smiles back at you, and she looks so nervous through your eyes.

But in reality, Kate is just as excited as you are. Her mind is racing a million miles a minute, unable to think of anything except how much she’s missed you.

So, her response takes a bit longer than it should as she whispers your name excitedly.

“I’ve missed you, too.”

Her voice is so quiet. Your smile drops a bit and you let go of her hands, her heart anxiously spiking in her chest.

“Is something wrong?”

You ask and immediately she shakes her head, black curls flying as she rushes to correct her mistake.

“No! No, of course not! I just haven’t seen you in forever.. And this wasn’t where I imagined reuniting with you.”

She laughs nervously and you smile softly at her words, your fear evaporating in your chest.

“You imagined seeing me again?”

Kate’s smile drops and she feels her cheeks beginning to heat up. This is why she took a step away from you, because you make her thoughts go foggy with your pretty smile and your soft eyes and she can’t keep her thoughts straight. She doesn’t want you to know about her crush, she doesn’t want to permanently lose you.

“Y-yeah, of course.. All the time.”

Your heart warms at her words. You felt like she just moved away and forgot about you, but apparently things are a bit more complicated than you had initially thought.

Kate knows she fucked up by pushing you away. She didn’t know how to deal with her crush on you, she was scared of losing you for good and she didn’t think she would ever have a chance of you feeling the same way. It all scared her so she just ran away.

But her feelings never went away. She’s still just as whipped as she was the day she realized she has a crush on you.

So she decides to be a bit brave.

“Do.. Do you want to dance?”

Kate asks with a lot less grace than she had intended, flinching at how clumsy she sounds. You, however, just grin brightly in response.

“I would love to.”

The pressure on her shoulders lifts a bit at your words, your enthusiasm.

She takes your hand, her heart racing a million miles a minute as she leads you out to the dance floor.

Your palms press together, fingers intertwining. She wishes that you weren’t wearing those stupid gloves so that she could feel your soft hands against hers. You wrap your arm around her neck, a loose, yet sturdy hold, before she slides an arm around your waist, pulling you just a bit closer to her.

Kate’s terrified of tripping, trying desperately to control her erratic breathing as she meets your eyes.

You’re so close, she can smell your sweet perfume. She can make out all of the marks in your skin, the colors in your eyes. Her throat feels so dry as she grips you tighter, guiding you into your first step.

You’re smiling, looking as elegant and beautiful as ever as she guides you around the dance floor. She starts to relax the longer the two of you dance, finding comfort in the silence and your mere presence.

Kate is becoming more confident, her nerves becoming background noise.

She takes your hand and let’s go of your waist, twirling you in a circle and back into her arms. You’re laughing and smiling, looking like you want to live in this moment forever just like she does. She smiles fondly back at you.

Kate wants to live in this moment forever. You in her arms, looking like pure magic. 

You’re closer now.

Your front is almost pressed to hers, one gloved hand resting on her upper chest as she wraps an arm around your waist.

Maybe it’s a good thing you’re wearing gloves, Kate thinks, then you can’t feel how sweaty her palms are growing. 

The smell of your perfume is intoxicating as she loses herself in your eyes, your movements becoming less grandiose and elegant and more slow, careful swaying and small steps as your focus turns more towards one another.

“Y’know..”

You break the silence, eyeing her suggestively.

“You look really good in a suit.”

Your words are soft, nearly a whisper as you grin at her. She blinks dumbly at the compliment, caught completely off guard.

“Y-yeah?”

She asks, feeling the warmth return to her cheeks. You laugh softly.

“Yeah.”

Kate can hear her heart thrumming against her chest. She hopes that you can’t hear it.

“Well, you look really amazing in that dress..”

She replies, proud of herself for falling back into her smooth charm instead of continuing to look like a flustered idiot. You can’t help the bashful smile that overtakes your lips at her words.

“Thank you.”

The two of you have stopped dancing, the air tense as you eye one another expectantly. You stay within each other’s grasp, however, not wanting to step away. The both of you have unspoken thoughts you desperately want to speak, not knowing what to do or say.

“Kate, did I-”

“I need to-”

You both start at the same time, each of you pausing to allow the other a chance to continue. You both laugh, bright smiles overtaking your lips and Kate’s eyes crinkle at the edges in the cutest way.

“You first.”

You urge her to speak.

“No, I insist that you tell me first.”

Kate pushes, hoping you’ll take the bait. You study her for a moment, pursing your lips in thought. The dark haired woman feels her heartbeat stutter at the action.

You take a step back, still holding onto her hand. 

“C’mon, let’s go somewhere and talk.”

Kate holds your hand as you guide her out of the large ballroom and down a hallway, the sounds of your heels clacking against the tile more prominent than the sound of her sneakers. She swallows hard as her gaze flickers between the back of your head and where your bodies are connected.

She finds herself disappointed when you let go of her hand, approaching two glass doors and pushing them open.

You turn around and flash her a smile that has her weak in the knees.

“C’mon.”

She follows you out onto the balcony, the cool nighttime air refreshing against your skin. You approach the railing, your gaze fixated on the stars as you lean against it, resting your weight into your forearms.

Kate stands next to you, her hands stuffed deep into her pockets as she studies you. Your features are shadowed in the starlight, your hair framing your features as you look up at the sky.

You turn your gaze to her, clearing your throat.

“I just.. I just wanted to ask..”

You sound so shy, so unsure of yourself. Kate’s heart leaps in her chest hopefully. You laugh nervously, your eyes flickering to the ground.

“I’ve missed you a lot, Katie..”

You speak softly.

“Did I.. Did I do something? To push you away..”

Your voice only grows softer and more insecure as you speak, unable to meet her gaze. Kate’s heart drops into her stomach.

“And don’t give me any of that “I’ve been busy with school!” bullshit. Things have been weird since before you left.”

Her throat goes dry, and she suddenly finds the battered sneakers on her feet very interesting as she mulls over your words. She sighs, speaking your name softly.

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong.. I just..”

She doesn’t know what to say, how to say it or what to do. She’s panicking, her eyes finally meeting yours once again.

“Okay.. Fuck it..”

She lets out another sigh, concentration etched onto her features as she searches her mind for what she wants to say.

“I’m in love with you.”

Kate pauses after she speaks the words, still trying to figure out how to properly articulate her feelings.

“And not the, “I love you bestie!” type of love,”

She clarifies, her hands nervously waving about as she speaks.

“The, I want to hold your hand and kiss you typa love.”

She speaks anxiously, her voice straining as years worth of bottled up feelings spill forward. You push yourself off of the balcony railing, standing up.

“The, I can’t stop thinking about you typa love. The, every time you’re remotely close to me I feel like I can’t breathe typa love..”

You take a step towards her and she finally meets your gaze.

“The.. God, she’s so pretty and all I can think about is how badly I want to hold her and kiss her typa love..”

She speaks passionately, finally gaining more confidence.

“I’m head over heels in love with you and I have been since high school.”

She sighs, exasperated as fear washes over her at her admission.

“I’m scared of losing my best friend.. But I can’t keep it a secret anymore.”

She speaks softly, covering her eyes with her hands as if bracing herself for your rejection.

“Say something.. Please..”

She sounds so embarrassed. You take another step towards her, grabbing her by the wrists and pulling her hands from her eyes. Kate meets your gaze, swallowing hard as she studies your features and tries to figure out what you’re going to say, how you’ll react.

Her heart stops when your eyes slide closed and you lean in slowly, pressing your lips to hers.

It’s brief, and Kate is too shocked to reciprocate. But she feels like her body is on fire, her lips tingling and her mind racing.

“I love you too, Kate..”

You murmur softly as you pull away.

“And not in a “I love you bestie!” Typa way either..”

You smile softly at her, raising your hand and brushing one of her stray black curls behind her ear.

“In a.. My heart aches for you typa way. In a, every second I get with you isn’t enough because I just want more of you typa way..”

Kate’s grinning from ear to ear as you lean in closer.

“In a, God, all I can do is think about how badly I want to kiss her typa way..”

You cup her cheek, running your thumb over her soft, pale skin. She wraps an arm around your waist, guiding you closer to her.

“Well.. You can just grab me and kiss me whenever you want.. I definitely will not complain.”

You let out a breathy chuckle at her words, your body pressed up against hers. She’s tilting her head forward, her eyes catching on your lips.

“You’re gonna regret saying that.”

You’re grinning and so is she. Kate pretends to think about it for a moment before shaking her head.

“I don’t think I will.”

She speaks softly as you lean in closer.

“Well, it’s too late to go back on your word, anyways.. Pucker up, Bishop.”

Kate laughs at your words, her smile all pearly white teeth. You trace your thumb over the corner of her smile before gently guiding her lips to yours. You’re both grinning into the kiss, and Kate feels like she’s living out a real life fairytale as your lips experimentally move against one another.

The archer hopes that you take advantage of her promise whenever you can because she’s quickly becoming addicted to your soft lips.

She grips your upper arm softly, running her fingers over your chilly skin when you let out a noticeable shiver. Kate leans back, resting her forehead against yours.

“Cold?”

You pause before reluctantly nodding, not wanting to go back inside yet, not wanting to stop kissing her. You want to live in this moment forever, it feels absolutely magical.

Kate leans back and out of your grip, letting her suit jacket fall off of her arms. You smile at her as she wraps it around your bare shoulders, holding the front of it closed with her hands.

“Better?”

You nod your head in approval, your smile falling into a shy one.

“Better.”

She pulls on the lapels of her jacket that’s wrapped around your form, guiding you into another kiss. It’s brief, an exchange of a few sweet, gentle kisses before she leans back again and cocks a questioning eyebrow at you. You return the gesture, knowing her all too well.

“We should order a pizza.”

You laugh, your heart gushing in adoration. After all this time, she’s still your Kate.

#kate bishop x reader #hailee steinfeld x reader #marvel x reader #marvel wlw #wlw #wlw fanficiton #wlw reader insert #kate bishop/reader #kate bishop x you #kate bishop x y/n #chemvel #chemvel fics

[buttterknifeee]

Family Visit- Teen Titans x Aquagirl! Reader

Masterlist

Request: May I request a noncanonical episode where the titans meet Aquagirl's family?

Summary: You can't escape your strained relationship with your parents even through fanfic sorry

Word Count: 2274

A/N: first non-canon fic I've gotten! There's still more so I'll try to get those out b4 getting to episode inserts :)) Hope you like!

It was an average day as a Teen Titan for you. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and members of the HIVE decided to rob a bank at 7 in the morning.

You yawned, dodging a blast of energy from Jinx, ducking as Gizmo tried to mow you over mid-air; nothing new. That was until you heard a beep from your T-communicator.

Huh. That's weird. All of my teammates are here; who could this be from? You stop mid-fight and pull out the communicator.

"Hello?"

"Y/n!" You hear a voice on the communicator. It was your dad.

"OH hi dad!" You say, putting your hand on your hip.

"How's Jump City? Are you doing well in school?" He asks. You wince, remembering the fact that you hadn't told anyone in your hometown that you were Aquagirl, including your parents.

"Uhhhh yeah! Things are going great!" You say, barely dodging Mammoth trying to barrel into you. Beast Boy turns into a lion and jumps onto him, so you go back to your call.

"What's going on over there?" Your dad asks. "I'm hearing a lot of noise on your side. Are you in a fight?"

"NO! Um, no I'm not." You stumble, sweat dripping down your face. "You know how school is! Always busy, people talking, and my service is bad here so that's probably why too!"

"Well, your mom is home today, so I think you should come down and visit!" You dad says.

"Today? I ,uh, have plans with my friends." You protest, looking over to your teammates, who are still fighting the HIVE.

"Bring your friends too then! Or I'll come up and visit you!" He says. You freeze, thinking about the giant T-shaped tower you live in.

"NO! I mean- I think I can come down today actually. I'll see you soon!" You say, flustered. You hear a click of the phone hanging up and you hang your head.

"Aquagirl, to your left!" You hear a Cyborg yell. You swiftly punch towards your left, hitting Jinx square in the nose. The rest of the HIVE members laid defeated on the ground. You look at your teammates, who were waiting for you to explain the phone call.

"It's gonna be a long day."

.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T TELL YOUR FAMILY ABOUT YOUR JOB??" Beast Boy yells. You were back at the tower, and you sat all your teammates down for a talk.

"How was I supposed to tell them?? 'Hey mom and dad I woke up with magical powers and now I'm a superhero with five other people you don't know and oh yeah! I live in a GIANT T-SHAPED TOWER.'" You argue, steam blowing from your ears.

"So how're we gonna visit them?" Cyborg asks.

"We just won't mention it!" You decide, hands on your hips.

“Yeah, easy, it's not like half of us aren’t fully human.” Raven remarks.

"So you will choose to be ingenuine?" Starfire asks. "On my planet that is looked down upon."

"On every planet that's looked down upon." Robin says, concerned. "Aquagirl, are you sure you don't wanna tell them? You can't hide who you are forever."

"You're one to talk, Mr. Mask-and-secret-identity-guy." You blurt, before sighing. "Listen guys, it's just for today. I'll figure it out later, ok?"

They all reluctantly nod and you smile.

"Ok, let's get you set up with disguises."

.

You scan the line of Titans, all dressed in casual wear. You yourself were wearing an outfit similar to a school uniform. You wore a collared shirt, a black pleated skirt, and white socks with black shoes. To you it screamed, hey mom and dad look how good of a student I am and definitely not a crime fighter!!!

"I think you guys look completely normal," You said, satisfied.

"Uh huh. Like this is totally normal." Beast Boy whined, wearing a pair of headphones to disguise his pointy ears.

"Yeah, and if anyone asks, you got into the green food dye." Robin jokes, a dark pair of sunglasses hiding his eyes.

"How will I be able to explain my non-earthly toned skin?" Starfire asks, sporting a bright pink dress.

"We'll just say that you tan a lot! And that Raven doesn't tan enough." You say. The pale girl just stares indifferent. You didn't have any clothing that fit Ravens style, so you settled on a Hello Kitty t-shirt over her black leotard.

"Aquagirl," Cyborg calls your attention. "You know I never wanted to wear this again." He points to his sweatshirt, the hood hiding his robotic eye. It’s what he wore when you first met him, back when he was ashamed to say that he was made out of metal.

"I know I just- I don't want them to find out just yet." You stutter. "They'd freak if they found out what I was doing."

"You're not them, A.G. You're special; they deserve to know that. " He said calmly. You looked at him.

"I know I-I just need this one day. I promise." You plead. He looked at you reluctantly then nodded. You smiled weakly.

"Ok team- Let's get this show on the road!"

.

You got to your house a few hours later. It's not like you actually traveled; you told your dad that you would get there at around noon by train, then had Raven teleport you guys there when the time came. You stood outside of the house; it looked the same, almost like you never left.

You breathed, adjusted your skirt, then knocked on the door. It opened almost immediately, revealing your dad. He looked the same, maybe slightly more wrinkly than the last time you saw him, and maybe you got taller from when you first joined the Titans.

"Y/N!" Your dad exclaims, pulling you into a hug in front of your friends. You stiffly hug back, aware of your friends being right next to you.

"Hi dad, where's mom?" You ask, breaking the hug.

"She's inside. Who's your friends?" He asks.

"This is uhhhhh…" You just realized that you never figured out fake names for your friends.

"Rob… Stacy… Rachel…uh…Ben…and… Vic!" You say, trying to hide the fact that sweat was visibly rolling down your face.

"Ok.. it's nice to meet you all." Your dad said, eyebrow raised. "Please, come inside."

You motioned for the other Titans to enter your house. Your house was right near the beach, so it had lots of windows and simple furniture, though the biggest shock to you was how clean it was.

Now that I think of it, the Titans are the first people in years to visit; I never even had my other friends come over, you realize, making your way over to the dining room table. Suddenly you hear a voice.

"Y/n?" Your turn to see your mom, coming out of her room.

"Hi mom," You go up to hug her before sitting back down, and she decides to sit next to you. You look at the other Titans from across the table as your mom begins to talk.

“So, who are all your friends?” She asked. Your dad interjects.

“She already told me hon. That's Ron, Tracy, Raquelle, Beck, and Vin.” You winced as he further butchered their names.

“So, how did you all meet?” your mother asked.

“We met.. At school obviously.” you say.

“Oh, yes! I was confused as to where my classes were located, and they assisted me.” Starfire adds. That fact was somewhat true, minus the school setting.

“She’s a foreign exchange student,” you nod, hoping that that explained her odd vernacular.

“I see. And you’re all roommates with one another?” she asks.

“Yes,” Robin says. “We share a dorm, but we all get our own rooms.”

“And what sort of electives do the rest of you take?” your mom continued to drill them.

“Computer science.”

“Astrology.”

“Literature.”

“Martial Arts.”

“Uh, lunch is an elective, right?”

“He’s in ceramics.” you say.

“And school is going well for you?”

“Of course! You know me; straight A’s as always.” you lie through your teeth.

“Not surprised. I heard Jump City’s pretty dangerous, there’s tons of villains there.” your mom changes the subject. “Do they even have superheroes there?” The room felt tenser than ever.

“Uh, yeah there are actually.” you say. “I heard they’re a bunch of teens too.”

“Oh yeah, leave protecting the city to a bunch of kids.” your mom complains. “No wonder I haven’t heard of them.”

“I'm sure they’re doing their best.” Cyborg says flatly, glaring at your mom. You look frantically at Cyborg, telling him to cut it out.

“So uh, aren’t you wondering what it’s like for us to live together?” you say to try to break the tension. “‘Cause it's pretty nice.”

“Of course. Has y/n been a satisfactory roommate?”

"Oh yeah, she's great," Beast Boy leans back on his chair, chowing down on food from your refrigerator. "Never had a better team- I mean roommate."

"I see," she says. "Why don't you all go hang out outside while I talk to y/n alone?"

They all stare at you and you stare back, your way of telling them, just go. I'll be fine.

They all reluctantly leave, leaving you with your parents. Immediately she starts criticizing them.

"Have you seen how tanned the tall girl is? Honey, tell her how tan the tall girl is." Your mom says. Your dad silently nods.

"And all those boys; terrible manners. Eating our food, talking back like that, and wearing sunglasses inside!"she scoffs. You hang your head.

"I don't see why you can't move back y/n. I don't think these people are good for you."

"Why do you care so much? You don't even know them!" You argue.

"I want to see you succeed. You're already doing so well in school." She defends.

"I can't do this. " You push out your chair. "I'm going outside to be with my friends."

You walk out the door and head to your friends, who were waiting for you patiently.

"What happened?" Robin asked, as you rejoined them.

"Well," You smile sadly. "Turns out they don't approve of you guys even when you're not superheroes. They think that I need to be surrounded by the perfect people to be perfect."

"Well, you're already perfect to us," Cyborg reassures, putting a hand on your shoulder. "If they can't accept that, they don't deserve you."

"Thanks Cyborg." You smile. "I think we should go home now."

"Hold it right there, pit-sniffers!" You hear a voice yell. It was Gizmo, back with the HIVE, more angrier than ever.

"Gizmo," Robin snarls. "How did you find us?"

"You didn't think we'd find out why you ditched us? We're not stupid, unlike you guys." Jinx laughed.

"Well if it's a fight you want," Cyborg said, removing his clothes to reveal his robot exterior. "It's a fight you're gonna get!"

The other Titans removed their clothes to reveal their costumes and charged into battle. You were about to do the same when an arm yanked you back. It was your parents.

"Y/N! Stay back!" Your mom yelled.

"No!" You yelled back, pulling your arm away.

"BUT-" she stopped as she noticed your friends, almost in uniform fighting. “What the-”

"Mom, you know how you said that there's a lot of villains in Jump City? The reason why they're stopped is because of my friends! My team! ME!" You yell, pointing to your team. Your parents stared at you in shock.

"What??? But how???"

"I got powers the day I left and I've been fighting crime ever since! I've been defeating bad guys! I've been missing school! And I'm sorry that I lied but that's who I am now!" Tears began to form in your eyes.

"Go," your dad says, putting a hand on your shoulder. You smile and run into the fight, your parents watching in awe. You rip off your shirt to reveal your uniform underneath.

"Titans! Fall back!" You yell. You stand in front of your opponents, excited to take you on. But what they failed to realize was that they were on the beach.

Your eyes glow blue as you raise your hands. Tendrils of water spike out from the ocean and into your command. You aim at Gizmo, the water seeping into his gear and causing it to go haywire. You blast one at Jinx, causing her to go crashing into the ground. You allowed one to seep into the ground, the sand pulling away at Mammoths feet, trapping him in a giant pit.

Faster than you can say "Wait, Slade's first name is SLADE???" You had defeated the HIVE. The team cheered and ran over to you. You laughed, hugging them. You saw your parents come over and immediately tensed up.

"Just breathe." You heard Cyborg whisper.

"Mom, Dad, these are my friends. Cyborg, Robin, Beast Boy, Raven, and Starfire. And I'm Aquagirl."

"Thank you for protecting us." Your mom said calmly. "Y/N- or Aquagirl I should say, I see now that your friends have helped you grow. I am proud of you."

You hugged your parents and sniffled.

"I'll make sure to visit more often." you promise, then turn to your friends.

"So, is it time to go home?" Raven asked.

"Well, we could go home…" Cyborg starts.

"Or we could grab some pizza!!!" Beast Boy exclaims.

"I know a place nearby." You mentioned.

"Sounds like a plan." Robin smiles.

"Let us go and celebrate, friends!" Starfire cheers.

You smile. Everyday you’re more thankful that you found the Titans as your friends.

#butterknife's x reader series #dc comics #dc universe #robin #dc headcanon #reader insert #fem!reader #female reader #raven teen titans #teen titans robin #teen titans #teen titans x reader #x y/n #dick grayson x reader #robin x reader #x reader #raven x reader #raven roth #raven #starfire #vic stone #victor stone #robin!dick #beast boy x reader #beastboy #beast boy #teen titans 2003 #rachel roth #koriandr #koriand'r

[nyxreads]

Why Elain?

The thing is, I used to be boyish and forced myself to love blue and black because the society has no room for girls who loves pink and sweet things. We are raised in a world where women have to fight and be a badass/girl boss like it was the only way to get myself accepted and liked by my peers. (Because being a girly women, we are prone to either mockery or be sexualized) So for years, I sticked with color blue when all I wanted was to appreciate every pink and purple things. I act tough when all I searched for was peace and feminine stuffs and activities. I played videogames, basketballs and showed them "This is me, one of the boys'" (ugh, worst phase of my life) while I also hide inside my room playing dress up games (which I immensely enjoyed).

I have to secretly watch barbie movies because I've seen people especially girls who mocked other ladies for liking them. Instead I have to watch Naruto and every anime I can't enjoy but acts like I loved it, because it's what everyone talked about. I told myself I will never ever put make up on, even when I really appreciate beauty and being girly. I rarely wore a dress way back when I was in high school(and my mom was so sad about it before) because both girls and boys at my age that time, gives me weird looks when wearing one. There's so much more I did (when I was young) that kind of ruined the "woman" inside me. I was so afraid that people will see me less.

People deemed femininity as weakness. Until I met my bestfriend who was so true to herself and wasn't ashamed of being a woman. The soft and kind one. That's when I stopped pretending to love blue and started buying pink stuffs. And up until now, I can't stop but watch barbie/ chickflick/ romcom movies, play dress up and farmville games in a crowd or private because I deprived myself from that when I was just a little girl. I stopped saying I hate flowers, and found how I really love tulips and roses. I learned cooking even when there are people telling me "women aren't limited on kitchen duties", like I know girl but I really loved it. Cooking gives me an out-of-this-world-satisfaction. I began using lipgloss/eyeshadows/moisturizer and so on, starts on wearing skirts and dresses and I swear, that was one of the most freeing thing I've ever done, and literally boost my confidence as a person. I stopped fishing for society's approval and instead started focusing on what I really love, my inner peace, my small circle of friends and enjoyed it so much. I bloomed. And I'm not saying physically, but as a person. Being comfortable with myself was one of the loveliest thing that happened to me. Don't get me wrong, I still received comments, even worse after embracing my femininity. I've been called a slut for engaging with a guy I like and who ended up being my boyfriend, other girls started a bet on when our relationship will end. Calling me ugly and unsuitable. I too, was compared to another girl who has a stronger and bolder personality (this is the girl who had a crush on my bf). I was slut-shamed when someone spread fake news of me when I turned down a guy, and these girls are saying I'm acting like an "angel" when in fact I was a "snake". And honestly, it hurts but whatever.

That is why I relate to Elain on so many levels. Just because I refused to speak (sometimes to avoid fights, and prioritize my mental health) people will call me out for being so weak and shy and coward. Just because I love girly things and prefer quiet peaceful activities, which is absolutely normal, people thinks I am less worthy than the badass ones. That I don't have any personality other than being a girl. Like it's a bad thing.

I am a woman. I love being a woman. I love cooking. I love pink. I love flowers. I love simple things. I love cottages. I love sweets. I love romance. I love love. I love giving. I love caring. I love everything that contributes on being a woman (apart from the insufferable menstrual cramps). That is why every hateful words thrown to Elain, I can't help but also be offended and take it personally because I've been there. I received such hateful comments too all because I choose who I am, what I really love.

I know not every likes her personality, but Elain represents a lot of women like me too. This is why sometimes, we can't help but defend her character because it feels like we're also defending our own. If these people see her (who mirrors us) as weak, then what more in real life, right? What more when they meet real life Elains? It's actually scary to be the little girl in a misogynistic world.

I am not simply an Elriel all because Elain and Azriel have a big chemistry and obvious connection. I am more interested in Elain's character alone, so it felt so wrong when people are wishing deaths and rape on her, calling her spineless just because she's very feminine and is being linked with Az. (Or, wanting her to be evil because that's the "only way for her to be interesting").

For the first time (in fantasy series,) this is the only time where I don't have to read about a girlboss/badass female character. (I love both personality) but nothing compares to the feeling when you can relate to the character you're reading. And I'm actually thankful Elain was created.

And yes, Elain and Az is THAT duo for me. I love them both separately and together. (I love romance, okay)

Okay, I think I'm just mumbling things. But yea. I just wanted to share this. Lol, this is really long. Apologies!

#elriel #elain archeron #pro elriel