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kooki914 · 1 year

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Could you make a video about ralsei and his fuck up idea of friendship and social interaction

Sadly, I can't make a video as the topic is relatively specific and i prefer broader, more involved theories and the like for videos, but I CAN discuss the topic on this post!

Ralsei as a character is rooted the idea of loneliness, he's a prince with no subjects, a kid with no friends, a prophesied hero with no-one to save, until Susie and Kris show up. I don't doubt for a second that he idolised Susie and Kris before he even met them, their mere silhouettes in the prophecy was probably enough to fill him with hope and longing, and entirely devoted himself to befriending them when they DO eventually show up, by any means necessary. It's probably why he was so unforgiving of Susie at first, she was mean and not at all how he'd imagined her to be, not to mention she wasn't taking the quest he's been looking forward to his whole life seriously at all. He wanted her to be better but by HIS standards, and his standards for making friends is "do everything they say and always be nice".

That specific idea of servitude as a means of making friends is probably rooted in the (what I believe to be a) myth that darkners need to serve lightners in order to be happy (I call it a myth because for some reason the game seems to be leaning into this as a true fact despite it's actively cult-y vibe in chapter 1). He sees no other way for him to feel fulfilled in his life than if he did everything and anything the lightners could want from him, and that's toxic as is, but it seems to be getting out of hand as he preaches that sort of mentality even to Lancer, and when fighting Queen. He marvels at Susie's integrity because he had no idea that someone can be loud, brash and mean, but still be a good person, and moreover a better friend, but I think he's still a long way from being able to see himself as worthwhile even when not servile.

He wonders what being Ralsei-like is, almost in contrast to Susie being Susie-like unapologetically, as he keeps making this distance between him and the lightners. He's the darkner, he's there to serve them, he's there to be fluffy and nice and approachable, as long as he holds on to that hard cut difference between lightners and darkners, he's never really gonna be able to flourish into the person he really could be at his best. This also leads into how he doesn't really care much for the darkners around him, which I find fascinating.

If you pay attention to his dialogue, Ralsei is actually sassy, and at times dismissive bordering on mean. If you skip talking to Lancer the first time he's an intractable part of the map, Lancer will stop you and ask if you want to talk to him, and RALSEI will answer on Kris' behalf, saying "um, no." Lancer is the bad guy, yeah, but he's also a kid, and you'd expect Prince "I'm the nice one" Ralsei to actually be kind to him because of that, but no. He seems inconvenienced, honestly. He grows to care for Lancer eventually, just as Kris and Susie do too, but he doesn't feel that way about other darkners. He has no issue with beating people up if that's what Kris commands, he doesn't bat an eye at what happened with Spamton, he hardly even notices anything is wrong during the Snowgrave route while Susie is blatantly aware shit is going down.

Dissecting all of this, and taking into account that Ralsei is less an empathetic person and more a typical "nice" person, I think Ralsei genuinely has it in him to be much meaner than we usually see him. His idea that he can only properly be friends with the lightners of the prophecy, and that in order to be a Good Darkner he has to be servile and nice, is holding him back more than he's aware. The core idea surrounding Ralsei now, I think, is the idea of having a persona you use to come off as someone you're not without even being aware of it, and his friendships all reflect that. His one-sided pining for Kris where he struggles to put himself on their level, his aggressive hesitance to get to know Susie slowly evolving into fascinated adoration of her integrity, and his straight up unwillingness to get to know anyone BUT those two, are all a reflection of him fully trying to live out the prophecy title of "prince from the dark", and nothing else.

If you would indulge me for a moment, I think Noelle would honestly be a great friend to Ralsei, and teach him a lot about the world. Noelle has a lot of "who I should be" baggage like Ralsei does, but she expresses it in a completely different way. Where Ralsei fully embraces his title and nothing more, Noelle is constantly striving for that great wide somewhere, aware that the expectations placed on her are weighing her down. She's a nerd like he is, but she learns quickly and socially, while Ralsei is slow and always did things on his own. Without even meaning to, Noelle would show Ralsei that it's okay to be "the smart one" and not know everything all the time, that it's normal to get fed up sometimes even when you're "the nice one", and most of all, she'd show him that there's always going to be more to someone than a simple title or objective. She's a lightner, yeah, but she's not part of the prophecy, she's just some random person that got roped into all this, and if Ralsei properly befriended her, he'd see you don't need a prophecy to be someone important and good, and with that, he'd realise HE doesn't need the prophecy to be himself, either. That, and also, Ralsei probably needs to start small and take inspiration from someone a little more tame before be can fully take in Susie and Kris' bad influence lmao

#ask #asks #deltarune #ralsei #character analysis #kooki off the shits once again #not art #i will literally fight people on the idea that noelle and ralsei would actually be great friends if toby wasnt a coward and chapter 2 wasnt #yknow the way it is now #i will never cease being salty about chapter 2 #also not putting a readmore on this bc tumblr has that new shitty feature where it auto-adds one on the dashboard right

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floralovebot · 5 months

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I was on instagram and saw this random pro-israel thread and i just,,, i feel so sick. honestly there was a point where i thought "this has to be some weirdo trying to rage bait people right?" but no this bitch is genuinely just like that

I'm sure there are tons of people who could dissect this much better than I can but the one thing that I really want to say is I fucking hate how so many zionists act like they're the only ones being rational, composed, and "civilized" in this discussion. Like first, Palestinians have the full right to be angry and not rational when you're bombing them. Second, the audacity to side with a genocidal apartheid state that is actively gunning to kill every single person in Palestine and threatening the rest of the Middle East,, and then act like YOU are the one who's being normal and rational??? Like... I'm not surprised to see a zionist be that entitled and it's almost humorous how far up your own ass you have to be to not see it for yourself.

Siding with the genocidal maniacs who have been murdering Palestinians for decades and then getting Offended when people call you out for yknow. siding with the murderers. Acting like you're coming from good faith when you say out loud that you support the murderers. "... view details of the conflict differently" meaning "I'm a brainwashed zionist who blindly believes everything the Israeli government says out of fear of the Palestinian boogeyman and won't do any critical thinking on why that's an issue". Centering this entire conversation on the Hamas group and acting like Palestinian civilians deserve to be bombed, murdered, raped, torn apart, and erased just because of a quote unquote terrorist group that Israel literally helped to create and ONLY exists in response to Israel's violent occupation and murder of Palestinians.

"Israel works very hard to evacuate civilians." Yeah? Telling them to go somewhere safe and then bombing those areas too? Being oh so gracious and giving them a couple of hours to leave their homeland forever and never be able to go back? After Israeli civilians cheer and fantasize about building hotels and theme parks over the graves of thousands of innocent people? "There were unspeakable war crimes committed against Israel". Oh yeah I get it now. War crimes and murder only matter when it's Israel but not when it's Palestine. Thanks for putting that so clearly!

"I think there's a lot of trust that needs to be built up before that is possible. You can't live side by side with people you believe want to kill you." Wow, it's almost like that's a perfect reading of how Palestinians feel after decades of being murdered by the Israeli state oh oh what? No, she was talking about Israel? Oh yeah okay.

The audacity to treat Palestinians like children who can't help themselves around the cookies like BITCH you are insane. Outwardly saying that Palestinian people can't be trusted to act normal in society. The exact same rhetoric that white people used to justify not freeing enslaved people. The same rhetoric they used to justify not giving land back to indigenous people. The same rhetoric used to bomb Vietnam and Japan. It's almost like violent colonizers have a history of viewing their victims as violent, uncontrollable savages who would immediately do to their colonizers what was done to them. That fear of violent Palestinians is your own spiritual guilt haunting you for supporting their murder and oppression. That will live with you no matter what happens to the people of Palestine or the state of Israel.

I just... I'm sorry for ranting about this random ass person on a failing app they probably only used so they wouldn't get ratioed on twitter but something about it just really got to me. The only comfort is that their replies were littered with people calling them out and,,, attempting to educate them.

It's ironic that so many of their gotchas for why we should support Israel could actually be applied to Palestine and these zionists just,, never get that? They never see the irony. They don't get it. They refuse to get it. How anyone could listen to this and think this is a rational person who doesn't support genocide is beyond me. This is 101 genocidal colonizer.

#free palestine #please let me know if i need to tag this with any triggers #i just... god i hate people like this so much #israel is failing. they are failing.#palestine will not be destroyed and history will remember israel as yet another genocidal state that failed #their propaganda is failing more and more every day. their own citizens are against them #israel will fail in its attempt to kill every palestinian just like every other colonizing power in history #palestine will be free and safe and we must keep fighting until that truth is 100% secured

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kithtaehyung · 2 years

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3tands.. :( chef’s kiss is not enough to describe how immaculate this interlude is. there’s just so much to dissect and discuss. you really outdid yourself with this one, ryen.

i genuinely appreciated this interlude so much because we got to see more of yoongi’s thoughts and what’s going on in his mind. i thought he was this really calm person who has his stuff together, but we can clearly see that he’s quite the opposite and is mentally at war with himself a lot of the time.

the one thing that i loved so much about this interlude is how we got to see just how much oc affected yoongi, how she changed his life for the better, and just how they truly balance each other out and naturally gives the other what they need. in oc’s pov, we see that she overthinks alot and is a bit more chaotic, and yoongi helps her by being that someone who guides her, is patient with her, and is more calm and stable to balance her out. in yoongi’s pov we see that he’s quite at war with himself a lot and has a lot on his plate, and oc gives him that support, understanding, and breath of fresh air that he needs. i also think that oc gives him the lighthearted energy that he needs to release all of his tension.

can we also just talk about everything that’s going on in yoongi’s mind? i absolutely agree that yoongi’s mindset is a lot worse than oc’s and it breaks my heart. i think he sees oc as someone pure and deserving of the world, and it breaks my heart that he constantly thinks that there’s someone better out there for her and how he views himself as someone less than :( like yoongi, you are her world :( it worries me a bit bc i feel like he expects perfection when it comes down to anything related to oc, even from himself, so when something happens to her that isn’t totally his fault, he’ll blame himself and will be his own worst enemy, and i’m worried this might cause them to be on a bumpy road :( it just makes me sad and anxious thinking about what will happen when things get more serious. will he let his thoughts consume him and start pushing her away? my heart can’t do this rn :(

overall, i absolutely loved!! this interlude and i think it really helped clarify a lot of things on yoongi’s end, and it just shows how perfect oc and yoongi are for each other. this whole interlude was absolutely beautiful and a work of art in and of itself. im 1000% going to go back and reread everything starting at basketball now that we have yoongi’s pov :)

i hope you’re doing well! pls take care of yourself and don’t get sick (i just finished getting over a cold)! also, happy autumn!! may you be able to feel endless coziness and warmth this season 🥺🫶🏼 thank you for all that you do and for always treating us. you’re the best and sweetest person ever🫶🏼 i can’t wait for 3tan9! 🫶🏼

-🥮

MOONCAKE??? MY ANGEL WOW. this is a beauty of a review holy shit i literally had to read through it like six times to digest it all. thank you so damn much.. gotta get into this bc i have a lot to say.

yESSS more of yoongi's thoughts, and an entire chapter of them! his mind is definitely a storm, and the calm outside we see isn't even the half of it. the biggest thing he can't handle is himself, even though it seems like he can handle pretty much everything else..

and reader affecting yoongi is huge. and they are such a great balance because they're making each other more comfortable and better. yoongi really does help reader in so many ways, and his patience with her?? fck i wanna cry. he's so tender with her, which makes his inner turmoil so shocking and damn tragic.. if only reader knew how much she changed him for the better. like yes, he has a lot to work on, but she at least got him out of some sort of dark place just by showing up at his door. and her bright, lighthearted energy is much much needed! she even makes me happier sometimes<33

yoongi's mind is so much worse than reader's. like it was tiring just writing that one chapter.. imagine having it each time :(( he needs to realize so many things about himself and BELIEVE them, too. that's gonna be his hardest obstacle to overcome. him blaming himself is super destructive, but it's part of his mindset right now and there's no easy way to get out of that cycle. it's rough, and it's so real. but i believe in him, and reader, and them together.

i'm glad you enjoyed!! it really does help clarify a lot of the stuff y'all were asking about. they click for a reason.. and thank you for all of the lovely words. :')) glad you're gonna go on a reread journey, too! hope it's all satisfying<3

a cold?! oh no i'm glad you feel better now. HAPPY AUTUMNNN i'm so excited this is my absolute favorite seasons. thank you for being so supportive and amazing and for this super lovely review!

#🥮 anon #oh my gosh you are the sweetest w t f!!#asks:3tan #3tanDS #lovely people #long post #*ryenfictalk #mailbox💌

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the-20something-cat-lady · 1 month

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The Unexpected Start (cont.)

After I had given him that note, we finally started talking. It was the end of that first discussion when he explained that he was already seeing someone, but he still wanted to be on friendly terms. I was rightfully disappointed but understanding of the circumstances because it wasn’t like I was on board for anything serious. And aside from that, I had already accomplished getting in contact with him to establish a connection, so with that logic, I already got what I wanted. I was content with that reality, and I relished our conversations. Unfortunately, they were few and far between because of his busy schedule but naturally, I wanted to make the most out of this new friendship I carved out. I was a bit upset that it wouldn’t have blossomed into a romantic relationship like I wanted, but I had figured that this was most likely for the best. The last few months before that December were very rough on me, so I knew getting into a serious relationship wouldn’t have been in my best interest. A friendship was better than nothing, right? That’s definitely the impression I got the night he waited for me after work just to walk me to my car. It almost felt like he pitied me.

I think it was about a couple days into us getting to know each other that things started to shift between us. He had traveled to Amsterdam that same Christmas and texted me when he was at a bar nearby his hotel. I vividly remember the photo I got from him being at this bar. The lighting was warm and welcoming, and it seemed like everything was shining. It was almost like he posed for it because his demeanor was very cool and collected as he held onto his pint of beer. I could just tell that this man was trying to impress me, and frankly it worked. I can recall gushing over it and being jealous of the fact that he was able to travel at that point in time. I was at work when I got that message, so that sense of envy was nearly tenfold. I’m not at all fond of beer, but I knew I would’ve loved nothing more than to drink alongside this man and perhaps share a story or two. But the lines started to blur as the conversation continued. At some point, I mentioned I was a creature of indulgence and that I would prefer doing as I please. I couldn’t tell if it was the beer or him genuinely being cheeky, but this man’s question following my statement was along the lines of: “And what is it that pleases you?” I had to remind him that I was at work since I didn’t want to delve into such a suggestive question and much less with someone who should be considered a friend. But frankly, I don’t recall much from the rest of the conversation. I just know his phone had been pickpocketed from him at one point during the night, and he had to wrestle the man for his phone. I didn’t hear about that until hours into the night, and at that point, I think I was concerned over the possibility of me boring him. I did have a moment of panic once he brought up the fact that his phone had been taken from him, and I was genuinely concerned for his well-being. The man was overseas when this happened to him, so I couldn’t possibly imagine how he must’ve felt at that moment. I think he did mention that it didn’t faze him nearly as much as it should have because of how drunk he was at that moment, but it’s been well over a year since that conversation. Some details are lost to time unfortunately for this telling.

I remember thinking to myself that this man genuinely didn’t have to tell me he was out and about that Christmas. He could’ve easily kept it to himself and continued on with our conversations as if he was still in the States. I keep asking myself: “Why did he feel the need to let me in on his life if he made it clear that I wasn’t a priority?” Maybe he’s not the type to keep secrets, or perhaps he subconsciously wanted to impress me. I know there’s no sense in dissecting past events and especially since he and I aren’t exactly on good terms, but I can’t help but get worked up over it. My head is filled with whys every now and again. It’s damn near annoying now, but when things were still fresh, it left a sense of allure rather than annoyance. I knew I wanted more, but I knew I couldn’t have more the way I really wanted it. He wasn’t mine for the taking, and I needed to respect that. But I didn’t respect it when I should have. I took what I could get, but it was never enough. I desired that man, and I had little regard for whatever consequences came my way. I just had to have him, and that would be my downfall.

There’s nothing about this that I can be proud of frankly. Obviously, I was in the wrong, but admittedly, I was desperate for the man. The age difference didn’t matter nor did the fact that the man is a doctor when I was a server at that time. I had it bad for him, and nearly every night, I was fantasizing about him fucking me in ways that would be considered disrespectful to women as a whole. There’s genuinely no other way to sugarcoat this statement. I wanted this man to consume me, body and soul. I wanted his tongue to taste my lips. I wanted to be revered for the goddess I believed I was back then. It was damn near selfish of me to lust over the man, but that lust was unquenchable. For some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to focus on anyone else. I specifically wanted him to be the one worshiping me. It’s sinful that I desired him in this way at night, but I believed my intentions during the day were pure enough to pass off as a friendship. Unfortunately, it only blurred the lines more and more as the days turned into weeks.

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #writing #romance #personal #love #relationship #romantic #personal musings #my post #couple #sad thoughts #passion #intimate #intimacy #memoir

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theyarebothgunshot · 3 years

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I’d be very interested in your thoughts on the JIB8 cockles panel. just a suggestion for your rewatch 👀

i’ve seen the jib8 panel so many times, because it’s honestly one of the wildest things i have ever seen and i just never get tired of it.

first of all i want to give you my take on the overall vibe, and then second of all i will get into the details and link to certain timestamps in the video.

disclaimer: i am not gonna be linking to every single thing i talk about, but i will try my best to link to the moments that stand out to me the most. i have read long posts about this panel before, so not everything in this post is gonna be original or said for the first time ever, simply because there is a good chance that information has stuck in my mind and has subconsciously formed my view of this panel. this is also in no way, shape or form gonna be coherent, unfortunately. i’m just gonna hope that the cockles hivemind will be able to make sense of this regardless. love and light. and lastly, this is all in good fun, so don’t come at me if you think this is too out there please and thank you.

fun fact: i was today years old when i found out that the airbnb story took place one day before this panel. what a sexually charged weekend that was for them dude (gn).

the vibe that i get from this panel is that their moods were off before they got on stage, and where misha kind of looks tired and not 100% enthusiastic about things, jensen apparently decided to get drunk and is trying to make it look like he is thriving. yet, a little while into the panel we learn that it has been an emotional rollercoaster of a day for him, which might have something to do with the overall mood. then again, it could be that something else happened in between the autographs and that panel, who is to say?

i have talked about the d/s subtones in their interactions before and this panel makes my radar ping like nobody’s business. if my interpretation of their dynamics is right, then one could assume that jensen was being very bratty on purpose, trying to stir up a reaction in misha, and i think he probably got what he wanted (more or less. maybe he thought misha would find it more amusing than he did, or but honestly, at that point they have already known each other for nearly 10 years so odds are he knew what he was doing and how misha would react to it. it would surprise me greatly if these two didn’t work out their mutual frustrations with the day and each other after this panel ended- in the bedroom.)

i genuinely think i have never seen jensen flirt more openly and aggressively with misha, ever, and i have never seen misha in the state he was in during this panel either: tired, a little annoyed about the fact that jensen was going off the deep end and that he was not able to stop him, to the point where he just gives up and says things like ‘when in rome’ etc. let’s get into it.

the mood is set from the very first second: misha is kinda subdued, and jensen is being a bit of a clown, coaxing misha to join him in the madness, which he does to a certain extent.

we are off to a great start with not just one [0m15s], but two [0m20s] moments in which i just know in my bones they wanted to hold hands. how do i know? because i have been there my fucking self. wanting to hold hands with your crush when you are drunk and acting silly is a love language okay.

as soon as they sit down, misha tries to make conversation and jensen just starts pushing him and pushing him, [1m11s] saying ‘shut up’ and ‘yeah it’s really stupid and it embarrasses me’, but misha tries to ignore it at first and just marches on through. which is probably why i never see people talk about that little comment. it embarrasses jensen when misha sits like that? why would he need to feel embarrassed by his friend’s actions? kinda weird tbh, sounds like husband behavior to me. i have a feeling that when misha said ‘by which he means it’s an innie’, jensen REALLY had to bite on his tongue not to go all ‘you weren’t complaining this morning’ or something like that. look at his face bro [1m55s].

and then jensen opens up his legs like the little tramp (affectionate) that he is and when misha tries to stop him he just TURNS to misha with said open legs like a mad man and goes ‘here’s the thing. pick a leg.’ [2m05s] LIKE? who DOES THAT? that is insane people behavior!!! admittedly i am a cis woman and i don’t have conversations with male friends about their bodily anatomy all that often, but i legit cannot phatom that this is a normal thing to talk about with your platonic buddy. pick a leg for me to rest my dick on, old buddy old pal. NOBODY DOES THAT. it’s not even something that i would consider flirting because even though i am into men, i would not find that arousing? so it’s either an action to provoke annoyance in misha or it’s something they have discussed before or both. because misha immediately understands what he means, starts shaking his head in frustration, and actually turns to jensen as if to say ‘are you fucking kidding me right now? really? you are really doing this?’ followed by a ‘this is making me feel so uncomfortable’ aka one of the phrases they both like to use even though they never mean it.

then when jensen actually goes up to do his ridiculous mating dance and sits back down again, he automatically sits down with his body turned towards misha.

quick side note: if anybody understands what the joke was about when they talked about ‘cas has big dolls’ i would love to hear it, because that has never made any sense to me, but it’s probably a me problem lmao.

when misha goes ‘could you watch your language please’ i think that’s a sign that he is genuinely getting a bit frustrated [4m53s] with jensen even though he is obviously playing it off as a joke. right after he says that, jensen puts his fingers against his mouth, as if to shut himself up. i know that a lot of people don’t wanna read too much into body language but hey, i am writing an analysis here so work with me for a sec: i think that could be a subconscious decision to listen to what misha is telling him to do, which ties into the d/s dynamics i’ve mentioned earlier.

i know people always go crazy when misha goes ‘what did i tell him’ [5m19s] and jensen whispers in his ear. i personally think misha probably told him about the fact that they booked kansas the band, but it’s still pretty telling that that is how misha would react to the question if something he told him is public knowledge. evidently that goes to show that there is enough that misha tells jensen that cannot be shared with the public, which i thought is interesting.

now that i am watching it again, the ‘j*red would have just said it’ comment kind of stumbles around in my brain asking me to dissect it. let’s just say that i wouldn’t be surprised if they were both thinking back on the many, many times that j*red put his foot in his mouth and made a suggestive comment about jensen and misha’s relationship.

god i just cringed [6m14s] watching jensen interact with that first girl who asked a question and he just goes off on her about how twins are cool and misha is shaking his head lord oh lord and that is the minute daniella decides that hey maybe they need even more alcohol lmfaoooo it’s a lot. poor misha i genuinely feel bad for him.

and then he goes ‘real men have twins’ and looks at misha and misha is still not having it so he goes ‘it’s just a shirt’ like girl (gn) pleASE that’s husband behavior, yet again, why else would he feel the need to clarify it. ‘look babe don’t be mad or jealous i don’t mean anything by it, it’s just a shirt’ i hate him.

i just know misha would have wanted to take the apple juice away from jensen lmao.

one of the moments [9m35s] that always stands out to me is when they go ‘that’s why we don’t bring steven’ ‘that’s right, that’s why he’s not allowed’ idk how to explain it but the way that just flows out of them so naturally feels very coupley for some reason.

i think we can all agree that jensen’s reaction [12m22s] to misha’s ‘i always wear orange underwear’ story is completely fake, right? because there is no way he didn’t know that, and his reaction was very exaggerated. plus, the little gesture to make misha show his underwear? bitch, please. whipped. there was also exactly zero reason for him to come that close to misha in order to inspect the color of his underwear.

the one thing that i wonder about, though, is why misha didn’t know jensen was wearing the famous underbear briefs? but as i am writing this i realise that even if they slept in the same hotel room, there are obviously a few different possible reasons why misha didn’t know what underwear jensen was wearing that day: either jensen showered and changed in the bathroom, so by the time he faced misha again he was fully dressed, or misha had to leave their hotel room earlier than jensen, or jensen changed while misha showered, etc etc.

in any case……. jensen dropping trou in the middle of this fucking panel? absolutely batshit insane, 10/10 thank you for your service nesnej.

this [13m54s] is where shit really starts to hit the fan. jensen is OUT OF CONTROL. the long stares??? the ‘rawr’s??? ‘you didn’t even get the full picture’??? (sidenote i would love to know what misha whispered to him right after).

OKAY so. when the girl mentions j*red and jensen goes all Knowing What’s Up and says ‘oh he has had a rough time today. misha kept us up way too late last night. *glances at misha* rrrrrrr’ listen. the only reason i am not reading too much into this is because i do not believe they had a threesome with j*red but also the way he said it was very sus and my mind can’t help but wonder if they were disgustingly flirty and way too touchy feely in front of j*red whilst drunk and honestly that’s probably the case.

of course this is followed [15m15s] by the insane man saying ‘by the way they go down to here’??? and the potentially whispered ‘i’ll show you later’?????? sir i have a lot of questions. number one: how dare you?

bless this next person for this question, because she starts her sentence with: ‘people who have been together for a long time…’ i actually already made a post about this once so i implore you all to read that because i still stand by what i said in there.

it is of course followed by them both not being able to think about ANYTHING appropriate to say to the question if there is anything they only do in front of each other that doesn’t involve pants. and then misha goes ‘why don’t i just share a private moment that we had’ and jensen’s first instinct is to say ‘shit’. i mean. i am merely perceiving.

this is the moment we realise that it has been quite The Day for them, but especially for jensen, because he has been emotional earlier in the day. which, again, could explain his demeanor during the panel. trying to distract himself. notice that he gets up and shakes his legs again and goes for a drink the second misha starts to tell the story: coping mechanisms aka distraction, just like he did at the start of the panel.

the moment where he goes ‘it’s hitting me now. shit.’ really solidifies this theory for me, that he has been acting like a goofy drunken guy all panel, in order to drown out the emotions he felt that afternoon, but alas. once he started to talk about it, it still all came back to him.

i will say this though: it kind of warms my heart that he was so touched by the fact that the fandom spawned something good. makes me feel slightly less dumb for forming parasocial relationships with that man. only slightly, but still.

misha going ‘god he’s so grouchy’ [25m32s]? say it with me, folks: husband behavior. once again misha tries to talk jensen down and jensen listens (sort of). say it with me, folks: d/s behavior. and RIGHT after that jensen walks towards misha with this intense fucking stare in his eyes that makes me feel like i am intruding, and then after he gets another drink (nesnej, why?) he just. gently massages misha’s neck and shoulder before draping his arm around him? and his hand lingers when he goes to grab the keychain? okay.

insert the famous ‘when in rome’ debacle lmao misha was so done with jensen by then it’s so hilarious. the funny thing is that misha says ‘what i mean is show each other our underwear, nothing weird. you can’t look at me like that, because of what you did’, while the question was ‘what would dean and cas do in rome’ and not ‘what would jensen and misha do in rome’ but clearly, once again, the actors cannot make a distinction between the two. interesting :) it also wouldn’t surprise me if jensen has told him to tone down the dean/cas answers but now that jensen decided to fully flash him on stage misha is like ‘sorry but i am not playing by your rules after what you did’ lmao. of course, jensen’s reaction is to go back to parting his legs for misha, like he is challenging him. i mean. you can’t make this shit up.

am i the only one who thinks that jensen might be thinking dirty thoughts when misha repeats ‘what would dean and cas do’ [27m50s]? because like. that’s quite a face he is making.

when he says ‘i don’t know how to answer that’ and misha agrees, idk, for some reason i get the feeling that that’s in the sense of ‘i don’t know how to answer that in a way that won’t get our fans’s hopes up because we know what they would want and we know what we would answer but we can’t go there’.

i really feel like the final straw for daniella was the way that jensen reacted to that last question like he was gonna have another breakdown lmao and that’s why the rest of the cast and crew were pushed onto the stage prematurely. because when you think about it, it’s a pretty rude thing to do when somebody is still answering a question? but okay.

listen - the last 6 minutes of this panel are so chaotic sdjfhsjh the only thing i can conclude from it is that jensen is hella drunk but we’ve been knew. his mood changes by the fucking second. i love him and his little dance and how he sits down on the stage. i feel like i might be jensen coded when i am drunk. i too get slutty and unpredictable.

so anyways long story short: jensen was hella drunk and wanted to provoke misha, it worked, they had hot sweaty sex after this panel, and the fact that jensen got drunk enough to entrust misha with taking care of shit during the panel makes me very emotional for some reason, and i just love them a lot. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

#cockles #i am sorry this is such a mess lmao but enjoy i guess?#jib 8 #alsaurus-loves-dean #i edited in the timestamps because apparently the links dont work on mobile and just jump to the beginning of the vid. sigh

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cipheramnesia · 4 years

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I was gonna send an ask about rad fems and terfs yesterday but didnt. Very self conscious. I was wildly uninformed about transphobia in the broadest sense of the word. so I read as much material as I could stomach from both sides yesterday. I’m queer af but I might as well have been living under a rock for the last 5 years when it came to this terf and rad fem divide, I’d never heard the term truscum or transmed.. I’d heard of ��political lesbians” tho reading through old queer literature.

my trans friends and I don’t really talk about the queer community as a whole or the politics in it. Just our friends, games, our lives and whatnot.. :/ I feel so wildly ignorant. I didn’t use social media like at all until last year. Like I finally made an insta.. for my bunny tho. And I use imgur and tumblr for memes and reading material. I just got back into tumblr a few months ago.. I deactivated my old blog in 2014 around when this rad fem thing resurfaced.

I found a bunch of terf carrds somewhere with pages and pages of twitter and tumblr screenshots. Calling lesbians transphobic for not wanting to deal with p*nis. Thats how I found you. you were the only person who answered a young lesbian about transphobia in a kind way, that’s why I followed you.

Anyways I’m sorry this is so long.. I’m not even sure what I’m really asking. It was just shocking to see how much has happened in the queer community.

Thanks for being one of the people trying to bring young people back into a trans inclusive space instead of like these more militant black and white trans and trans allies. I really saw someone call young lesbians transphobes for having rape trauma around p*nises. There was even one anon who threatened a 15 year old with very graphic rape via girl dick :/ That doesn’t seem right.

Okay so I was gonna answer this when I got it, but then my power went out and I don't like to get into complicated stuff on mobile because of the difficulty typing stuff.

Anyway, I'm glad that post stood out. I'm not always able to be kind all the time and a lot of the times radfems (radical feminists, basically a broader term for terfs, swerfs, aphobes, biphobes, etc) tend not to engage in ways particularly conducive to real conversation.

I'm gonna go off on some tangents about radfems and honestly if you're happier not being deep into gender politics or whatever, no harm in skipping. As long as you're kind and respectful to you queer friends of all stripes. you're good. And it sounds like you are, and that makes me happy to hear. Not everything needs to be discourse-y but also I kinda am so here we go!

There's some interesting stuff in the ask you're referencing. It's one of my favorite bits of writing because it's pretty unrelentingly positive and while I don't have much ability on the emotional labor scale to engage with full on radfems and terfs, I hope maybe someone sort of teetering on the edge sees it and maybe pulls back from going into a full on hate group. It's really great they have it screenshotted. I couldn't ask for a better way for it to find its target audience.

What I think is most interesting personally was that primarily I was discussing how a question could be or seem innocent, and put someone on the track to being groomed into an exclusionist hate group. It's fascinating to dissect the responses, which tend to try and distract from the core point (don't let this hate group recruit you) in a way that suggests that central point very much hits home with radfems. There was a bit where they found the post and en masse tried to shout me off Tumblr which wasn't super fun, but I'm here and they're blocked.

Anywho, the tricky bits I wanted to dwell on here are terfs and screenshots. Let me preface this even further by saying: not all trans people are angels. Trans people are people - some of us are assholes, some trans people are even genuinely horrible and nasty. So when I talk about those screenshots, I'm not suggesting all trans people are good and pure, but a specific issue about the screenshots you were mentioning.

This plays back into some of that earlier post and it comes up sporadically, but radfems and especially terfs habitually capture information out of context so they can use it to push an authoritarian and oppressive agenda. What's most common is to engage in campaigns of long term harassment in hopes of provoking an anger response either from one particular target, or harass someone with a larger social media presence to provoke anger responses from their followers. They collect the enraged responses and post them as if some trans person (or queer person, or asexual person, or etc) has just without provocation said terrible things and behaved in a dangerous or threatening way. That doesn't necessarily make all that stuff good, but it's a bit like the kid who hits back after getting shoved a dozen times by a bully being the one who gets punished.

Also, radfems have got notoriously terrible senses of humor, and pulling dumb comments out of context is another way they make it look like they've been terribly harassed. Point being, take terf screenshots with a big dose of salt.

This is why I tend not to engage with radfem narratives when they talk about a trans cult or whatever. They're operating on a false premise with the goal of making someone validate it by debate. You'll probably find a great deal of them with supposedly legitimate articles or studies suggesting some sort of inherent criminality for trans people, lack of medical safety, hurting or endangering cis women, etc. What you'll find, if you feel like it, is all of those stories inevitably trace back to either a blatantly made up story on some variety of white nationalist website, deliberately misinterpreted data often supporting the opposite point, or a story taken completely out of context specifically to make a trans (or etc) person look cruel, dangerous, etc.

By way of example, there's an absolutely wonderful interview with Judith Butler which has an interviewer trying to lead them into a terf narrative, only to have Mx Butler flay the premise of the questions. If you go through the notes, you'll find radfems levying some horrible accusations and eventually far enough down someone posts context and shock of all shock it was radfems taking something out of context to make it look like Judith Butler supported awful things while the opposite was true.

Now obviously I have a vested interest in this, as a trans woman, and I'm sure it's arguable I'm doing the same thing. But think of it like Fox News versus something like, I dunno, MSNBC. You know MSNBC has a slant, and you have to question what they say and how they present it. That's good and right. But you also know Fox News is about 90% blatant falsehood and while you could spend your days unpacking every wrong thing they say, if you never listen to Fox News again, you'll be fine. Your life will probably be better. If you never listen to a radfem again for the rest of your life, you're not missing any real information, and your life will be better.

#cw rape #cw rad #cw terfs #cw transphobia #long post #gender discourse

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shinelikethunder · 4 years

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So I mentioned offhand in another post that my read on Will and Bedelia’s therapy sessions in s3 is that she’s trying to manipulate him into killing Hannibal before Hannibal can come kill her. I’d like to expand on that a little, because tbh it’s one of the more opaque parts of the show, and NBC Hannibal is a show that’s already cagey about coming right out and saying what it’s doing. Even this reading is kinda provisional--it’s the only explanation I’ve come up with that makes sense to me so far, and I’d welcome discussion and alternate interpretations.

I’m working off a couple of base assumptions here:

Despite the show’s appearance of sometimes moving from one bizarre tableau or inscrutable conversation to another on pure dream logic, and despite how well it holds up when you watch it in “sure, this might as well happen” mode, when we’re shown something happening it’s usually because it advances some character- or plot-related story beat. Likewise in-universe, characters don’t do things for no reason, they have an agenda (or multiple conflicting agendas), even if Hannibal’s agenda is almost always “fuck around and find out.”

Bedelia’s overriding motivation is her own survival. If she’s involved in a situation, she needs to be able to maintain control over it; if she can see it going south to a point where she’ll lose control, she’s ready and willing to peace the fuck out entirely. Once that prerequisite is satisfied, she’s also motivated by curiosity--at least partly because access to information, which can then be withheld or selectively revealed, is her main lever of control--and probably some amount of paradoxical attraction to danger and violence. She doesn’t experience much if any compassion; her horror of violence is mainly at the breach of control it implies and the creation of a situation that could very quickly get out of hand.

So. What’s going on in Will and Bedelia’s therapy sessions? Well, the first angle of attack there is--why the fuck are Will and Bedelia having therapy sessions anyway? What’s the agenda? Will’s the easy one there, he’s overflowing with agenda--questions and resentments about what happened in Florence, a reactivated need to understand his own relationship with Hannibal, a need to talk things over when he “can’t just talk to any psychiatrist about what’s kicking around my head.” But Bedelia? She has peaced the fuck out. Why’s she getting involved again?

Process of elimination time:

She’s not taking patients for shits and giggles. The only one who’s ever convinced her to make an exception to her retirement is Hannibal, who had an extraordinary amount of leverage over her at the time. And she seems to be making a killing on the lecture circuit, so it’s not like she needs the fee.

She’s not particularly interested in Will for his own sake. She’s heard enough about him from Hannibal to do a competent job of dissecting him, but doesn’t make much or any effort to learn more. In fact, I’m pretty sure she’s the only psychiatrist on the Dark Psychiatry Murder Show to demonstrate no professional curiosity about him whatsoever. She only knows him in relation to Hannibal (his patient, his friend, his victim, his nemesis, his ex...) and that’s still how she relates to him in their sessions.

She doesn’t particularly like Will either, and she sure as hell isn’t trying to get on his good side.

She might be enjoying the opportunity to talk over her own relationship with Hannibal in a way that’s significantly closer to the truth than anything she can say in public. But it’s also a risk, and she manages it carefully--both the disclosure of information, and her getting involved at all.

The most in-character motivation turns out to also be the one that makes the most sense: Bedelia’s trying to save her own ass. She’s seen where the pieces are on the board: the Red Dragon, Will being brought back to consult on the case, Will inevitably consulting Hannibal. She’s seen that Hannibal is once again in a position to exert influence, stir up trouble, and potentially seize an opportunity to escape and come after her. She knows Will exerts more influence on Hannibal than anyone else in the world. So what’s she going to do about it? What's she trying to persuade him of?

Well, let’s take a look at the lines of conversation in her sessions with Will:

Perhaps most surprisingly to him, she’s the first person to spot Hannibal’s whole Murder Husbands/”we’re just alike” conception of Will’s potential and flat-out tell him it’s not going to work. As inconsistent as his compassion may be, it’s just as deeply rooted as his attraction to violence and neither one is going away--they are in perpetual tension except in the rare situtations where he feels like violence is the compassionate thing to do to prevent suffering.

If he was hoping to somehow save Hannibal, “manage” him, or push his monstrousness in more tolerable directions, well, look how well that turned out. Bedelia tried it too in Florence and, again, look how well that turned out. 0/10 do not recommend.

No matter what, as long as he and Hannibal are in each other’s orbits, they’re both absofuckinglutely stupid with mutual obsession and neither of them will be able to turn away.

Hannibal has hurt him terribly and will continue to hurt him as long as they’re within each other’s reach.

“The next time you have an instinct to help someone, you might consider crushing them instead. It might save you a great deal of trouble.”

I don’t know about you, but it looks an awful lot to me like Bedelia’s systematically going through the 3 Endings of All Hannibal Fanfiction and telling Will to get a fucking grip because all of it’s impossible. Can’t live with him. Can’t live without him. Just as she steered Hannibal to his “I have to eat him” epiphany in Florence, she’s trying to steer Will to the conclusion that the only possible ending here is with one or both of them dead.

I’m still chewing over where that goes in the last couple episodes of s3. So far my best read on that is that Will is stubbornly resistant to being steered and it drives Bedelia up the goddamn wall. Thus her incandescent fury and brazen emotional manipulation when she thinks he ought to be laser-focused on what Hannibal just tried to do to his family, and instead he volunteers for a half-baked plan that ends with someone he despises getting thrown under the bus. She’s got an incredibly slim case for pinning the blame for Chilton’s fate directly on Will*, and she must know it because she’s pushing his buttons like crazy to sell it to him. But she’s genuinely furious--and, Bedelia being Bedelia, it’s not out of moral indignation or compassion for Chilton. I suspect her line of thinking is that if not even this is enough to get him vengeful against Hannibal, and instead he’s pulling stunts like the TattleCrime article, well, she’s acutely aware that she’s on the list of people Will despises. Maybe she’s directly in the line of fire, maybe she’s just acceptable collateral damage, but either way Will’s "solutions” are creating a risk for her where she was trying to eliminate one.

* Will’s entire contribution to the plan was “So I really bad-mouth the Red Dragon in TattleCrime and give him a shot at me to lure him out”--he intended to assume all the risk. Alana was the one who suggested a professional voice to validate the trash-talk. She also volunteered Chilton for the part, explicitly because he was a fame-seeking idiot with his head too far up his own ass to see how much danger he’d be putting himself in. Being one of the four people in the room to watch Chilton dig himself into a hole, then adding the finishing touch of “let’s split the picture credit 50/50 too!”, makes Will kind of a dick for going along with it. But like fuck does it entitle him to the credit for engineering the whole situation. He wanted to put Chilton at risk--the exact same potential risk Will himself was assuming, in exchange for his shot at the same reward.

Bedelia’s out on a limb here and she knows it. If she had an actual case, she wouldn’t have to resort to openly manipulative jabs at Will’s sore spots about touch, external influence on identity, and fostering false trust. Or recycle Hannibal’s “Was this a potential outcome you foresaw? Congrats, that’s participation!” tactics for fostering false complicity. Trying to manage the risk of someone else’s violent behavior and failing isn’t “participating” in violence unless you’ve got a vested interest in shifting the blame. Bedelia’s not a reliable narrator here, and she blames Will for Chilton... why? Probably because she was angling for Hannibal to be the one he threw under the bus.

#hannibal #meta #bedelia du maurier #will graham

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linkspooky · 4 years

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This Thing

de·hu·man·i·za·tion

noun

the process of depriving a person or group of positive human qualities.

This thing A meta on the dehumanization of villains done by the heroes in the manga My Hero Academia, if you’re interested read more underneath the cut.

Before saying anything else, yes crimminals are a group of people who can be dehumanized. People who break the law are still in fact people, and while this is mainly talking about a fictional work it’s worth remembering that dehumanization is a tactic used to justify violence and the taking away of human rights from crimminals and incarcerated people.

People are still people. No matter what bad things they do they’re still people. And victims are victims even if they don’t present their victimhood in easy to digest ways. The conflict in My Hero Academia is one much more complicated than hero vs. villain because it exists within a society that generates its own villains through intentional neglect. I say neglect, because most heroes seem to be of the perspective that villains are either born evil, or choose to do evil entirely of their own free will and are never victims of circumstances or forced into the livelihood.

Villain isn’t just what costumed crimminals are called in MHA, it’s a literal legal definition that are given to certain crimminal offenders. We don’t know what exactly the legal ramifications are, but the fact that you can literally be called a villain just for being a repeat offender shows the way hero society views it’s crimminals.

Villain has different connotations, it means an inhuman evil, not just a person who has done bad things. Police also have much more power in comparison to our society as well, in the manga vigilantes when his sister Makoto brings up the fact that technically her friend who has been accused of villainry is innocent until proven guilty and formally charged.

Tsukauchi gets physically angry with her.

What’s important in this situation is the girl they’re arguing about pop step is an innocent victim. She was kidnapped by a man, had a parasite inserted into her brain and is being physically controlled. What she needs to be is saved not put down, but the law is so inflexible it’s only capable of seeing her as a villain not as a person caught in a bad situation who needs to be saved from that situation.

And it’s much later revealed that there is technically a way to save her life, but because it requires breaking of the laws the police and heroes won’t ever do it. Beating her up won’t save her, it’ll just kill her as an innocent victim of circumstance, and stop her from doing any more damage to the people around her. Even if the police knew the way to save her life they won’t attempt it because it breaks the law.

Being a by the book cop is all well and good, but when the law that exists doesn’t protect people there’s something wrong with the law. This isn’t an isolated incident either, we’re shown over and over again in the main manga as well this is always how villains are responded to, violent suppression.

At the start of the manga Shigaraki says this, that heroes and villains are both violent but because heroes are categorized as such their violence suddenly becomes heroic. All Might just dismisses what he says as him being a madman.

Not only that but in the aftermath of the break in the heroes all attempt to dissect Shigaraki’s character. They all make him out to be some kind of insane person that could have no possible rationale or reason behind his actions.

They dismiss Shigaraki’s attack as him simply being a man-child who thinks he can do whatever he wants. There’s no possible way that he could have any kind of sympathetic reason or human rationale, because he’s a villain, right? Except we learn later that’s not the case.

The words that Shigaraki is saying to All Might echo the words of his abuser. Shigaraki is like this not out of his own choice, but because he was deliberately shapped and moulded by someone. The reason why Shigaraki is impuslively violent is because as a literal five year old he was exposed to violence over and over again, and told this is who he was, this is what he was for.

All Might later discovers that Shigaraki is not only the son of Nana Shimura’s son, a child he was personally responsible for when his mother died but decided to go along with his mother’s plan to abandon him (for his protection) and then also that All for One had specifically raised Shimura Tenko as a weapon against him. All Might knowing completely the manipulative kind of man that All for One is, and that Shimura must have been young when All for One took him in. Is still able only to see Shigaraki as a crimminal.

He is literally told that he can’t see him as anything other than a villain otherwise his judgement would be affected. At this point it’s not even ignorance, it’s intentional neglect. All Might SHOULD know that something is up with Shimura Tenko and that he didn’t choose to become a villain and was most likely influenced by All for One and yet the heroes all choose to ignore that fact and instead put him down like any other crimminal.

The problem with dehumanizing crimminals is that cops are not omniscient. Cops make mistakes. Cops are wrong, like... a lot. When you give people the power of law, there are people who are victims who were just trying to survive who are going to get caught up and treated exactly the same as people who are genuinely dangerous and out to hurt others like AFO. There are people who are perfectly innocent sometimes who will get caught up in it too.

People like Tsukauchi and Gran Torino may be good cops, they may be by the book cops, but that’s it. They’re the type that gets angry at the fact that due process exists because they believe that cops always suspect the right people, and that their hunches are never wrong or they could never possibly arrest someone who doesn’t deserve it. Neither of them acknowledge that the system is flawed and often makes mistakes, and because of that they end up believing that the police are always in the right, that the police could never prosecute someone wrongly, and those are dangerous beliefs to have for literally any law system, especially one with guys that shoot lasers out of their eyes.. The reason due process exists is not to slow the hand of justice, it’s because the legal system is really flawed.

The problem with giving too much power to police is that we don’t exist in a perfect world where the police will obey even their own laws. Why don’t we just put cameras in everybody’s houses? People who aren’t doing anything illegal won’t have anything to worry about. Unless suddenly things like speaking out against the government become illegal because the police now have the power to enforce it. What I’m saying is the rule of law does not necessarily = good or evil. Rules are not always good, and they’re also not absolutes they change all the time, and they also don’t always exist to protect people they need to protect. We see this literally happen in My Hero Acadmia, the government uses it’s power to kidnap a child and erase his name literally the exact same way All for One did so he could be raised as a child soldier.

The conflict in My Hero Academia is not good guys vs bad guys, especially when the good guys don’t even act as good guys, and a step beyond that rigid laws and adherence to social order is not ever going to solve the problems associated with villains like Shigaraki because those laws are fundamentally unjust. They don’t exist to protect the people who most need protecting, they exist to oppress a minority in order to maintain social order.

Yes, violent crimminals are still a group of people. They are still human beings with rights. If they’re not guaranteed those rights they will be abused. We’ve literally seen this play out in action.

Hawks corners Twice, and then says he’ll go out of his way to Save Twice because he personally likes him. The only one of the villains Hawks treats as a human and not just an enemy to put down is Twice, and only because he personally likes him.

Twice brings up the fact that all of his friends deserve to be saved the same way he is. In fact, he even goes out of his way to say that he would die to save these people, and Hawks just ignores them because he sees no humanity in them only the one he personally likes.

Then Hawks goes out of his way to mention that if Twice doesn’t stop fighting back, it’s his fault if they die. Twice is trying to argue with Hawks that the people he sees as a danger to society, and that need to be taken down are humans capable of being kind just as much as they are a threat.

Twice murders him. He goes out of his way to murder him and stab him in the back. Hawks acting in a capacity as a hero, goes out of his way to dehumanize Twice again and again, completely ignore his own feelings and words, and then that conflict eventually escalates to murder. The point is not that Hawks had no choice but to kill him, but rather Hawks convinced himself he had no choice but to kill Twice.

The problem with applying this extremely harsh and punitive, even war-like view of law and order is that innocent people like Twice who literally only wanted to keep his friends happy will get caught up in it. Hawks literally thought that Twice had a chance for rehabilitation, that of the league he was the one most likely to rehabilitate and he still murdered him.

Heroes aren’t interested in rehabilitation. They are there to beat up villains. For several of them, it’s not even that far of a jump to get to the point where they start justifying killing villains. Miruko is almost excited to murder the Nomu who are, you know, innocent victims of mad science.

They want to take down Ujiko, but they don’t care at all about his creations which are all former people, and the heroes know this by this point. Finally, I want to discuss one of the most empathic characters in the manga.

Aiawa is the current guardian of Eri. He participated in the mission to rescue her from Chisaki. He is someone who views Eri as a victim, and never gets upset with her or blames her for her out of control quirk the same way Chisaki once did.

Not only that but Aizawa himself has had a friend kidnapped and stolen away by All for One. He knows personally what All for One can do to a person, by changing Shirakumo to Kurogiri he completely warped his personality and controlled him to the point where the person he once was was almost gone.

He knows All for One is capable of having that affect on people, not only that but Kurogiri himself says that Shigaraki is like a lost kitten that he can’t throw away because he feels responsible.

Aizawa has rescued a victim who is in similiar circumstances to Shigaraki. Aizawa has literally seen his best friend warped and changed by All for One’s hand. It should be obvious what Shigaraki has been through by now, and yet Aizawa doesn’t seem to care about Shigaraki’s circumstances at all.

Shirakumo has done bad things in AFO’s name as well. However, Aizawa decides to see Shirakumo as a victim. Even though Shirakumo is also complicit in the grooming and raising of Shigaraki for what he is, and almost certainly had a hand in manipulating him.

Aizawa empathizes with Kurogiri because he knows him personally, because he wants Shirakumo back. He doens’t bother to care about Shigaraki, because he doesn’t know Shigaraki personally. It’s not only hypocritical, it’s also just plain ignorance.

Aizawa is literally given every story reason to care. Shirakumo literally tells Aizawa that Shigaraki is a person he wants to protect and that he’s fond of. Aizawa believes that despite the terrible things he’s done, there’s still the boy who wanted to become a hero somewhere in Kurogiri, and he’s literally proven right.

Shirakumo still has a chance and is given a chance to become a hero, because Aizawa cares about him because they were friends but that’s about it. It’s not like Aizawa is driven by a very rigorous and strict sense of justice. He’s clearly willing to make exceptions, even for people who have put his students at risk, or even personally attacked him. He’s willing to reach out and understand Shirakumo’s circumstances, so clearly he doesn’t have a completely black and white view of good and evil. However, Aizawa’s reasons for sympathizing with Kurogiri and only Kurogiri are ultimately pretty selfish. It’s because he wants Shirakumo back. He doesn’t care about the circumstances, or even who Kurogiri cares about now he just wants his old friend back. Therefore he has no reason to care about Shigaraki who was victimized in a similiar way to Kurogiri, just because he doesn’t know him. I guess you’re not obligated to care about anybody, but it’s the exact opposite of empathy, especially in a character like Aizawa who has always shown to be especially protective of children. Nobody tries to understand Shigaraki, nobody tries to empathize with him, even though he also once had the exact same dream as both Shirakumo, and even Deku.

But Shigaraki’s just a monster that needs to be put down and stopped, there’s not a fragment of good in him like there was for Kurogiri, like there was for Twice.

Aizawa even gets angry at Ujiko for the callous way he treats human lives. For the way they were tossed aside. He’s righteously angry for Ujiko’s victims, especially Kurogiri. But he doesn’t stop to think for a second that Shigaraki is possibly another victim manipulated by the likes of Ujiko. Once again because Aizawa doesn’t personally know Shigaraki, or because Shigaraki is a bad person, who cares if he gets hurt and manipulated by Ujiko.

So we see by the heroes, Shigaraki referred to as a thing, Shigaraki referred to as an it. He’s just a monster to be stopped. It’s like he’s a boss in a video game the heroes need to kill.

Even though they literally see him being experimented on by Ujiko, an actual abuser who has used his money and connections to commit inhuman experiments his whole life that too must be Shigaraki’s fault somehow. The heroes are repeating the exact same lines that Shigaraki’s abuser All for One did on him.

By treating him as a monster. By treating him as a thing that needs to be killed, rather than a person who needs to be saved. They are doing All for One’s work for him by creating a symbol of fear and robbing a lifelong victim of abuse of his humanity. It’s like they want villains like Shigaraki to exist so they can remain heroes.

#mha meta #league of villains meta #lov meta #my hero academia meta #shigaraki tomura #aizawa shota #kurogiri #shirakumo oboro

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ohwereusingourmadeupnames · 3 years

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A Truth In Your Eyes (saying you’ll never leave me)

Pairing: Peter Parker/Tony Stark (Starker) Rating: Not Rated (it’s just fucking fluff, y’all!) Notes: There were a few people that were pretty stoked about my first attempt in this universe, so I decided to put out another part. If you haven’t read You Say It Best, you should probably give that one a shot first! Word Count: 4.4k Warnings: this is the fluffiest fluff that ever fluffed. Tony does describe a bit of anxiety, though - tread carefully if that’s something that triggers you! Summary:

After Peter is careless with his words, Tony is left feeling a little anxious about the stability of things between them. The philharmonic concert he planned to attend doesn't really help - but Peter is there to pick up some of the pieces.

Or - the one where Peter does a little damage control.

Read it on AO3 here

“I sometimes wish you could just hear like everyone else. It’d make things so much easier.”

Despite not being able to actually hear the words, each one rattled inside his head like active bombs just seconds away from going off.

They were dangerous – the type of thing that haunted Tony his entire life; from the halls of school where he struggled daily, to the comfort of his own home growing up. Everyone wished to change him, whether for their own convenience or the ease of being around him – people were always attempting.

Yet, when he met Peter Parker, Tony finally felt like he met someone who could understand him, regardless of the barrier that existed between them. For the first time in his life, Tony wanted to believe that hearing and non-hearing didn’t matter – there was a place where they both could exist in the same realm.

Then, those dreaded words slipped out of Peter’s lips so carelessly – the man not even cognizant of what kind of impact they were going to have.

They were so, so, so careless.

And, as happy as Tony was that Peter came to his senses, his heart still hurt. There wasn’t any way around that feeling – not when his idealistic thought about their relationship was so easily obliterated.

To be completely fair, Peter wasn’t even aware of Tony’s anxiety. There’d been many conversations about Tony and his experience with learning to speak and finding a way to bridge whatever gap existed between himself and another person – Peter seemed interested in all the parts and pieces, even.

After so much discussion and dissection of his experiences, Tony figured the apprehension could remain unspoken, yet understood. He so desperately wanted Peter to understand him – so, some of the hurt stemmed from that glaringly obvious barrier that still existed, no matter how much he wished it otherwise.

Over the last few weeks since Peter came back, Tony spent a lot of time thinking about their time together – the interactions that he treasured so much.

He fondly remembered their first conversation about his deafness – the adorable worry on Peter’s face when he stuttered out the question.

“So, have you always been deaf?”

Tony grinned at him then, his cheeks already warm from the intensity of the smile beaming from his face. The forwardness of Peter’s form of conversation always made him feel a little giddy – while most people hopped around him and tried to navigate murky waters with finesse, Peter barreled on, his idea of asking for forgiveness over permission totally charming.

“Yeah, I have,” Tony replied, his fingers moving through the signs before his brain remembered to add in the spoken word, too. At that time, they hadn’t been together all that long, so the fluent ASL still brought a ‘deer in the headlights’ look to Peter’s adorably rosy cheeks. It took a lot more thinking than Tony usually liked, but the man across from him seemed worth it.

“Both of my parents are hearing – they weren’t even aware I couldn’t hear until I was 3. I hadn’t started talking and did all my communication through gestures. I learned to sign first, then when my dad couldn’t pick it up, I started speech therapy.” He waited a beat, his heart pounding a little bit in anticipation for the words yet to come.

“Speaking makes people more comfortable. Recognizing that we at least have that in common allows me to have a much more genuine conversation than if I just read lips and typed on my phone.”

Peter looked at him with such awe in the minutes to follow his little tangent – his brown eyes were wide and complexly interested; there were probably a million thoughts running through his mind at the time. They were quiet while Peter looked at him and absorbed all of the things Tony said and managed to get out without really saying, too.

Reaching a hand across the table, Peter slipped their fingers together – the touch both soothing and reassuring. After the short time they’d been together at that point, Tony came to rely on the physical communication between them just as much as any other. He let himself relax a little, the usual anxiety leaving him with each dragged out breath.

“I want to make conversing with you as easy as possible, baby. Will you teach me ASL? Enough for us to talk to each other, at least? I’m a pretty quick learner.” Peter looked at him so earnestly – the words and gesture both so fucking genuine.

Tony delightfully recalled the way warmth spread from the center of his chest to every inch of his being, his fingers and toes on fire from those beautiful words – even now, after so much time and the little bit of hurt. Peter was careless, that much was certain; but he wasn’t heartless – his attempt to bridge the gap between them proved to be genuine time and time again.

Sucking in a deep breath, Tony forced himself away from his reminiscent thoughts – he’d been sitting in his seat in the audience waiting for the concert to start for a while now; long enough for his thoughts to run wild and so far away from him. If he didn’t’ force himself back to the present, he could easily miss out on Peter’s entire performance.

While stuck in his thoughts, Tony missed the room filling up – most of the seats that were once empty around him were entirely full, even the two down from his own. Tony took a second to reprimand himself for the negligence – one of his keys to success stemmed from the fact that he paid attention to everything… at all times.

Except lately – over the past few weeks, Tony found himself struggling a little harder than usual to stay present; especially with people outside of his little bubble. Usually, public gatherings weren’t too much of a hardship, but tonight – tonight, Tony was struggling.

Luckily, the lights were lowering as Tony came back to himself – the many people in the audience settling down with the reduced lighting. Most concert goers understood crowd etiquette – the when, where, and how things were conducted played a part in the whole experience.

Sitting up a little straighter in his chair, Tony let his eyes roam across the stage until he found Peter amongst the crowd of shiny instruments and stuffy individuals wrapped up in starchy, unmoving tuxedos. Though he too was stuck in such an outfit, Peter stood out – his wavy hair glistened under the lighting – his confidence radiating off of him in waves that only Tony could see.

The sight brought a smile to his face; even though he wouldn’t be able to hear a single thing his boyfriend played, Tony could clearly see how talented he was – Peter’s skill existed in every part of him, not just the sound he happened to produce.

After a short introduction from the conductor, the performance was on its way. They opened with a steady piece, the vibrations starting out minimal, then gaining pace until the ultimate crescendo peaked to end it all. The last few notes hung in the room, each person within Tony’s view completely captivated already.

For most of the performance, Tony tried his best to pick out Peter’s parts – with the combined visual cues and the learned feeling, he felt successful about half of the time. By the last few songs, Tony’s brain felt fatigued – Peter’s winks and affectionate looks between pieces the only thing really keeping him in it at all.

The last piece ended with a loud (even to Tony) sea of applause that filled up the entire room. To blend in with the crowd, Tony stood up with the rest of his row, his hands coming together to mimic the claps around him. He copied the behavior until it was clear for him to vacate the row.

His feet couldn’t carry him backstage fast enough.

Tony flashed the security guard his badge (the man fondly known as Little Ed shot him a soft smile as he did). Throughout his time with Peter, Tony learned the layout of their performance space and easily found him, his boyfriend delightfully flushed from the still flowing adrenaline of a job well done.

Brown eyes caught him before Tony could make it over to Peter physically – Peter’s stare stopping him in his tracks for a moment. The look never failed to knock him back, Tony completely smitten with the dark pupiled gaze, Peter’s nonverbal communication increasing tenfold since the first time they locked eyes like this. Without saying anything, Tony knew Peter was grateful for his presence, that seeing him right after such a big success made him just as happy as the performance itself.

Grinning, Tony narrowed the space between them, his arms wrapping around Peter’s waist the second they were within touching distance. He nuzzled his nose into Peter’s neck, the silent ‘hello’ exactly what he needed after so much artificial noise buzzing around in his head. After placing a small kiss to salty skin, Tony pulled away, a soft smile on his face.

“You were amazing,” Tony signed, his voice inaccessible to him after so much earlier strain. He trusted Peter’s ASL skill, anyway – they’d been working hard over the last few weeks to make the man completely conversational.

Peter didn’t disappoint, his handsome face breaking into a happy grin, the edges of his mouth actually reaching his eyes. He let a hand brush against Tony’s suit jacket clad shoulder, the touch brief, yet reassuring.

“Thank you,” Peter replied, his fingers touching his chin in the recognizable sign. “It’s so nice to have you in the crowd. It’s like everyone else fades away and it’s just you and me. I really like that.”

Tony smiled shyly, his eyes watching Peter’s lips form those last words with interest. He quickly recalled the last time he saw them, their skin much more flush and sticky then – both totally sated in the afterglow. The blush on his cheeks deepened, his smile turning into a smirk.

“I really like you.” Tony palmed Peter’s cheek as he spoke, his voice suddenly finding its way out of his throat.

Peter wrapped him up in a sudden hug, his arms squashing Tony to his chest. Since their little reunion a few weeks ago, Peter seemed hell bent on making up for it – whether it was through more diligent signing or an abundance of physical contact, Peter doubled his efforts – the try in his behavior apparent.

Letting a sigh slip through his lips, Tony felt himself relax into the contact. He appreciated the effort – there really wasn’t anything like the feeling of being in Peter’s arms. Yet, he wondered if it was just an attempt to win Tony back over, or if it was truly how things were going to go from now on.

He realized after Peter’s walk out, just how tangible being left behind actually was. It wasn’t as if he didn’t think about it before – every time they struggled to be on the same page, Tony found himself thinking how much easier it would be for Peter to be with someone else – someone that didn’t struggle to reciprocate… someone that, well – could hear.

When things were good between them, it was easy to brush off.

Ever since their falling out, though, Tony found it harder to just push to the side. If a little bit of annoyance could drag such careless words from Peter’s mouth, what would the long haul look like for them? Was it even worth it for Peter? Would there ever truly be a future for Tony’s deafness and Peter’s hearing to cohabitate successfully? So much fear sat in the pit of his stomach, so many unknowns and questions unanswered – Tony was already so damn overcome by love and near acceptance, losing Peter wasn’t something he ever wanted to do.

Fear and apprehension weren’t things Tony wanted to carry around with him, especially where Peter was concerned. Despite that want, Tony couldn’t stop himself from fretting or feeling anxious. Times like that very moment, when Peter wrapped him up in strong arms, they kept things at bay – but, only just barely.

Pulling away from Peter’s hug, Tony gave his boyfriend a little space – his sheet music and taken apart saxophone still sat on the table next to them, his presence obviously slowing down the cleaning up process. “Let’s get you cleaned up. The quicker we get to that after party, the quicker we’ll be able to leave.”

Peter shot him a smirk, then went about deconstructing his mouthpiece, the reed lovingly placed in its protector, then slotted into its spot in the case. Everything Peter did was precise, the movement of his hands hypnotic – Tony finding himself completely glued to them more often times than not.

Blinking the unnecessary distraction away, he turned his back to his boyfriend, cutting off any further means of communication for the time being.

Tony put Peter’s sheet music away, his eidetic memory allowing him to remember the order it usually existed in. With that done, Tony slipped it into Peter’s bag, grabbed the saxophone case from Peter’s hand, and offered up his arm for Peter to take. The weight in the crook of his elbow was comforting, the affection something Tony knew he’d need to get through the next step of their forced social adventure.

They took the extra time needed to get Peter’s instrument into the car, the few stolen minutes together some of the last they would get until obligations were fulfilled and the right people were spoken to. As much as he wanted to be by Peter’s side throughout the entire ordeal, Tony couldn’t keep up with everything – too many people to tune into and too much noise to navigate made it incredibly difficult to be anything but a bother.

Which is how Tony found himself in the corner, desperately attempting to escape conversation with the masses. He followed Peter around for a while, catching a few names here and there, exchanging the necessary hellos – then bowed out as quickly as he could. If he weren’t already in a state of anxiety, he probably would have tried to hold on a little tighter to the forced interactions. But, he couldn’t do it – not when his head was buzzing and every second he attempted to lip read felt like trudging through sludge – every exchange between himself and another person the heaviest burden.

He grabbed a flute of champagne and let himself relax against the wall, hazel eyes flitting between all of the different people occupying the space. The musicians were easy to pick out, they were still sporting the matching penguin suits. Stiff members of the upper echelon of New York society also stuck out like a sore thumb – there were only a select few that would jazz themselves up to the nines to attend a concerto. The random few (himself included) flitted in and out of recognition. Some were there with other musicians, and some seemed happy just to be in attendance, regardless of their standing.

As the minutes passed, Tony felt his head starting to buzz more intensely than before. After such a long day, he couldn’t decide if it was because the long use of his hearing aids, or the overwhelming nature of being in a crowd for an extended duration of time. Unlike Peter, Tony didn’t do much of his life surrounded by lots of people. The small five person dinners they sometimes hosted were a bit much – a huge room of people, all of which were talking non-stop, bordered on impossible.

Depositing his glass on the nearest flat surface, Tony reached up to fiddle with his hearing aids. He knew, the second he switched them off, the rest of the world would be blissfully silent – and yet, at the same time, his ability to communicate with it would be severely diminished. Despite the fact that he’d been mainstream his entire life, reading lips and keeping up with multiple people talking at the same time was not easy; and never would be.

Knowing what he knew, nimble fingers still moved to shut off the hearing devices, their assistance no longer anything but taxing and somewhat debilitating.

Peter must’ve seen him struggling – in the next second, Tony had a hand on his elbow, the comforting squeeze of familiar fingers grounding him, despite the small scare the touch provided. There was concern written all over his face, the small little crease between his brows both cute and reassuring. His hand moved to find Tony’s cheek, soft skin against soft skin.

“Are you okay? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you turn those off in public before,” Peter signed, his fingers pointing at the hearing aids in his ears. “This crowd must be a lot.”

Tony allowed himself to lean into Peter’s touch, the overwhelming feeling he tried to bottle up throughout the night finally coming to the surface under the affectionate care. Ducking his head, Tony rested his forehead against Peter – breaths intermingling. He sucked in a big lungful of oxygen, the smell of Peter’s cologne a familiar entity that helped to stop him from jumping over the preverbal cliff he felt perched over throughout the evening.

“I’m struggling, Pete – I’m not going to lie. This whole night has been a lot. All the sound, all the people. I just can’t keep up.” He signed each of the words, the idea of speaking without the help of his hearing aids one he didn’t even want to process. Tony was thankful Peter was paying close attention to him – the crowd not giving him any trouble at all.

The hand on his cheek shifted again, Peter’s long fingers sinking into the grown out hair at the back of his neck. Tony felt his eyes close, the world around them melted away with every pass of blunt fingernails against the surface of his scalp. With his eyes closed, it truly felt like it was only him and Peter – the bubble of silence so fucking nice after all the stress.

Peter continued to pet him until Tony opened his eyes again. The soft smile he found on Peter’s face made his heart race, his own grin settling over his lips for what felt like the first time all day. A swift tug to his hair signaled Peter’s retreat, his boyfriend using his hands to sign at him, instead.

“I think I’ve been here long enough. What do you think about heading home and ordering some take out? I could go for some pho.” Peter exaggerated the last sign, his lips making a round ‘O’ that he dragged out.

And despite being so entirely wrung out, Tony couldn’t stop the laugh that wormed its way out – Peter knew how to make him feel better, without really even trying. His ability to know what Tony needed just by simply looking at him reminded Tony of the reason he felt the need to trust Peter in the first place. He didn’t always class it up the best, but he delivered seamlessly, regardless.

Nodding, Tony stepped into Peter’s space, wrapping his arms around slim shoulders to bring him in close. He held him tightly for a moment, just long enough to absorb Peter’s heat, then let him go. “That sounds good – thank you.”

It took them a few minutes to actually make their excuses and get out of the concert hall, but they were soon on their way – Tony tucked into Peter’s side as they made quick work of the space between the building and the parking lot. Still feeling a bit off balance, Tony clung to Peter with every step; vulnerability oozed from him and for the moment, he didn’t really give a shit.

They made it back to Peter’s place twenty minutes later – both of them slipping out of their suits and into soft matching flannel pajama pants they cheesily wore during the holiday’s a couple months before. It felt good to be wrapped up in the small comforts, the companionship between himself and Peter tangible in all sorts of ways.

There wasn’t any talking while they got settled. Peter ordered their food without having to ask Tony what he wanted. While Peter took care of their eats, Tony set up the latest episode of Peaky Blinders, the closed captions on and ready to go.

The simplicity of one of their typical routines let all the surrounding anxiety melt away from Tony – the only thing left the ease of the environment he inhabited with his favorite person.

Peter made his presence in the living room known with a swift touch to Tony’s shoulder, his fingers settling on the back of his neck. Turning, Tony shot him a soft smile, his hand gracing Peter’s hip before shifting to sign.

“You really were great tonight, Pete. I love watching you play.” He finished the last sign with a soft touch to Peter’s cheek. “I sometimes wish I could hear like everyone else, too.”

Moving quickly, Peter gripped Tony’s cheeks, the move drawing Tony’s attention immediately.

“I should have never said that. I wouldn’t change a single thing about you. Your eyes never left me – each song, it was like I was playing to you and you alone. It’s the most intimate playing experience I’ve ever had, Tony. You don’t need to hear me – you get me. That’s more than enough.”

Not really knowing how much he needed to be told that, Tony felt chest getting a little tighter. It didn’t occur to him that his anxiety that evening circled around the feeling of not knowing how secure things with Peter really were. He forgave him his words weeks ago – they were careless and they both understood that. Maybe he didn’t let go of the feeling those words created within him as easily, though; the whispers of them still haunting him.

Sighing, Tony leaned forward and pressed their lips together. “I know. I really do. I just – I’m feeling anxious. I was so sure that you just sort of understood me. And you do. I know that, too. It just – broke me a little. You saying what you did. Are you going to be able to handle this,” Tony signed, pausing to gesture between them, “years down the road? I’m always going to be deaf. I’m always going to have nights like tonight. I love you, Pete. I don’t want to lose you.”

The seconds between the words sitting in the space between them and Peter’s response felt like years – Tony’s heart thudded against his chest, each beat like lead running through his veins. It wasn’t an ultimatum, per say – he wasn’t laying down a this or that, but the answer was important all the same. He already went down the rabbit hole of falling in love and depending on the man in front of him. In all of his life, Tony didn’t want anything else in this world more than a future with Peter.

There was so much potential – their relationship consisted of so many components; friendship, love, intimacy – all of the important variables for long lasting companionship and happiness.

At the same time, there were room for complications, too. Especially if there wasn’t a certain kind of commitment that came with living with a person with a disability. Accommodations would always need to be made, whether it be in their method of communication or the environment of whatever home they lived in.

They could do it – he knew they could. And even better yet, he wanted to; more than anything, he wanted to make a real go at things with Peter, even more so than they already were.

Peter returned the kiss after many seconds of silent contemplation. He let the lip to lip contact linger, Tony soaking up the touch, letting the flare of want and contentment surge through him. Brown eyes stayed on Tony as Peter created space, his hands moving to sign.

“It’s a lot – the future. What’s going to happen, where I might be. The only thing I know for sure is that I want you there with me. I was really thoughtless, wasn’t I? Saying what I said.” Peter stopped then, his right hand grabbing Tony’s while the other rubbed circles across his own chest – the sign for sorry making Tony smile lightly. He didn’t need to nod his head for Peter to know the answer to his question – the simple fact that they were having this conversation at all spoke volumes.

After a quick squeeze, Peter dropped Tony’s hand, his fingers moving to sign again. “I’m not going to say that the challenges were going to face aren’t scary – because they are. I’ll probably get it wrong most of the time, but I’m willing to try. I want to, even. This, what we have, it’s it for me.”

Not really sure where they came from, Tony was surprised to feel tears dripping down his cheeks. He couldn’t remember welling up or feeling the incessant need to let stuff out that usually prefaced the times he cried. Yet, there they were, flowing freely down to his chin – the path of which Peter quickly followed with his thumb.

It felt like a catharsis – the sort of cleansing of anger and anxiety that Tony wasn’t aware he needed until halfway in it. Instead of freaking like he did so many times before when emotions became too big, Tony let them go, the soft touch of Peter’s hand on his skin helping to relax him even further. For once, it felt good to let go – to rid his system of the terrible shit he kept inside because there wasn’t anywhere else for it to be.

Except – not anymore. As evidenced by this very moment, Peter could take on some of his burden, he could hold Tony up when everything might’ve gone to shit before.

“I want that, too,” Tony finally managed to reply. He felt completely overcome and suddenly drained of all energy. All of the emotions from what felt like his entire life were exorcised – the wash of tears the physical manifestation of it. Now, all Tony wanted to do was crawl into Peter’s arms and simply exist – no barriers or hard feelings between them.

Apart from detangling to bring the food into the apartment, Tony spent the rest of the night in that exact way – wrapped up in Peter’s embrace without a care in the world.

#starker #a truth in your eyes (saying you'll never leave me)#bobbie writes #peter parker/tony stark #fluffy fluff that fluffs #fluff

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melonsmessymusings · 3 years

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Preventing ‘Dark Willow’

This essay is based off an argument with my brother a long time ago. The question is if Giles staying in Sunnydale in S6 would have prevented Darth Rosenberg. There are many thoughts on this, but I’ve probably put my foot in my mouth as per usual and made a mess.

No. Giles staying in S6 would not have prevented Willow from being a magic junkie.

Throughout the show, magic is used as a metaphor for drugs and sex, albeit ham-handedly. In this case, it’s about drugs. With this in mind, let’s focus firstly on Willow. From as early as S1, Willow expressed an interest in learning magic. Her relationship with Jenny Calendar and her Technopagan badassery led to her forming what seemed at first to be a harmless interest in magic and Paganism. Towards the end of S2 in I Only Have Eyes For You, Willow admits to Giles: “I found loads of websites and stuff on paganism and magic... it’s really interesting.” which demonstrates her interest may be a little more than purely ‘educational fun’.

Her first taste of powerful magicks was restoring Angel’s soul at the end of S2. In Becoming Part 1, Giles warns Willow of the consequences of such mystical forces: “Channelling such potent magicks through yourself… it may open a door you won’t be able to close.” The Passion of the Nerd touched upon it briefly and explained the choice of phrasing is especially key here. It’s not as simple as a one-off spell that has no ramifications, the nature of the Soul Restoration uses a kind of magic that will stay with the caster forever. It leaves a mark. As we know, Willow does the spell anyway after waking up from a coma (don’t even go there) and successfully restores Angel’s soul. This is how her addiction started and it is the ONLY explicitly direct warning of the impact caused by using magicks that Giles gives her.

In Faith, Hope and Trick, Willow tries to persuade Giles to let her help him with the ‘spell’ to bind Acathla and lets slip that she knows more about the black arts than she’d originally led him to believe. There’s an interesting bit of dialogue between the two:

WILLOW: Are you mad at me?

GILES: No, of course not, no.

It’s obvious that Giles is anxious about this but because of his well-established role and priorities at this point, he’s not going to dwell on it too much, despite it being a genuine concern. Later in the episode, Willow also says, “Giles, I know you don’t like me messing with mystical forces…” so it has evidently been the topic of discussion previously. In Gingerbread, Willow is messing with magic again trying to make a protection spell for Buffy. The symbol used by Willow, Amy and that other kid is one commonly associated with human sacrifices according to Giles. The Black Arts. Even if that isn’t the spell they were casting, the symbol had other less pleasant implications. And so, it continues. By S4, Willow is doing much more than floating a pencil, progressing alarmingly quickly and becoming highly proficient by the end of the season. Giles reminds her of the dangers of magic subtly, “I don’t think it’s wise for you to be attempting spells, your energy is too unfocused” and Willow is still doing magic that is both powerful and harmful enough to have caught the attention of D’Hoffryn, Lord of the Vengeance Demons despite his apprehensions.

In S5 we get a first look at ‘Dark Willow’, when Tara gets brain sucked by Glory. There’s no way the whole gang didn’t know about that. Not a chance. Yet oddly, it’s never mentioned? Obviously, the writers had other priorities with the main plot and Glory etc. but it was criminally neglected. Willow used extremely dangerous dark magicks to go after Glory for hurting Tara at incredible risk to herself and the others who ended up having to rescue her. Justifiable or not, her actions were a reckless abuse of power that very nearly had fatal consequences. How any of them just let it slide without so much as a comment is infuriating. In The Weight of The World, Giles says to Xander, “It’s extraordinarily advanced” when he learns that Willow is trying to enter Buffy’s mind yet again, concerned. Also, we start to see the black eyes when Willow attempts more advanced spells, like teleporting Glory away in Blood Ties, or casting the protective wards in Spiral so it can be theorised that the magicks Willow evokes are steadily darkening.

Roll on S6. Set after Buffy’s death, a huge trauma for all the characters. Willow raising Buffy is evidently a massive achievement from her perspective. She considers herself to be a God. In Flooded, she gets the gut-punch from Giles that he is not in fact pleased with her at all. She’d expected him to be “impressed or something” which he was, but in the wrong ways.

GILES: The magicks you channelled are more ferocious and primal than anything you can hope to understand, and you are lucky to be alive you rank, arrogant amateur!

He blames himself for not stopping her, and rightfully so... to an extent. He failed to provide her with proper guidance or even show an interest in the types of magic that she was engaging with. If he had done so at an earlier stage, then perhaps Willow would not have taken things as far as she did. One interpretation of the argument in Flooded is that Giles is lashing out at Willow because he’s frightened. Most likely for Willow instead of Willow herself. He makes a point of saying that she was “the one [I] trusted most to respect the forces of nature” and bringing Buffy back defies the laws of nature. She had no respect for these forces, bending them to her will which is a scary concept. The argument that the Scoobies were selfish for bringing Buffy back notwithstanding, Willow was the one that actually performed the spell, hell bent in succeeding. That horrifies Giles and if anything, is a wakeup call for him to pull his head out of the sand and deal with this seriously. Willow meanwhile doesn’t want to hear a word of it, pacifying him instead of actually understanding the implications of her actions and listening to anything beyond his anger. There’s a lot that could be dissected in this scene but that’s unnecessary at this moment.

Magic is also the primary factor that caused Willow and Tara to split up at the end of Tabula Rasa. Tara had brought her concerns to Willow as early as Tough Love, saying that she was ‘scared’ about how powerful Willow was getting. When Tara tried to explain why she felt this way, Willow refused to listen. Every single time that Tara raised a concern about Willow’s use of magic, Willow either ignored it or reassured her that it was fine, and she was totally in control. But Willow has a history of altering people and their actions to suit her. She attempted to do so in Lover’s Walk by casting a spell on Xander to stop them having feelings for each other. Again, in Something Blue, while unaware of the effects of the spell, she still made the conscious choice to use magic to ‘have her will be done’. She ended up hurting her friends, however unintentionally. Then in S6 when Tara and Willow are arguing about magic, instead of having a proper conversation, Willow uses the Lethe’s Bramble to make Tara forget they were even arguing. A direct invasion of her mind. And Willow didn’t show any indication that she thought it was wrong. Barely two episodes later, Willow then used a spell which caused everyone to forget who they are after promising Tara that she would go a week without using magic. It’s no surprise that Tara wanted to break up.

Willow does get ‘clean’ by Entropy. Subsequently Tara comes back, and it all seems to go well until the brutal, vicious, non-sensical murder that causes Willow to launch herself back into the dark magicks stating, “I’m not coming back.” Only then does Giles do something about it. Only then does he take it upon himself to step up and realise that he has failed her, by which point it was far too late and resulted in her very nearly killing him, a price he deemed a suitable penance for his neglect.

But NOT ONCE prior to this did Giles intervene. He had the resources and was capable of it, and not once did he sit her down properly and say, “Willow, I think we need to talk about your use of magic because I’m a tad concerned.” Even after resurrecting Buffy, he only chastises her for her recklessness, he doesn’t actively do anything beyond this except a few powerful glares. He is watching her make all the mistakes he made as a young rapscallion and doing nothing about it. Then in S7, he fulfils the mentor role to her and helps keep on track of her recovery, an older addict helping the younger. It just highlights that he could have helped her sooner before it was out of control.

This comes back to Giles’ basic structure as a character. He’s a Watcher, the mentor to the Slayer. His purpose is to be in Sunnydale for Buffy. His whole life is revolved around Buffy, she is factored into every single one of his decisions. He never signed up to be the ‘father-figure’, despite appearing to adopt that role very quickly. He never signed up to care for Xander and Willow, he isn’t the Watcher of them. He has never given any indication that he wants that responsibility, and it shouldn’t fall to him to care for a group of random teenagers. It’s this fundamental construction of Giles’ character that means that he’s borderline dependant on Buffy, which isn’t her fault at all. He sacrifices everything, even parts of himself for her and most of the time gets nothing in return. The point is that Giles is so busy being a Watcher that he can’t think of anything else. It’s not necessarily his fault, that’s exactly how he was trained, and arguably after the whole Eyghon debacle, it’s unlikely that he ever truly had faith in his judgement again. Remember when Giles put Buffy before Jenny, the woman he loves? Buffy comes first, always because the mission is what matters.

On a more speculative note, Giles was aware of Willow’s obsession with magic and didn’t know what to do, instead choosing to believe that he wanted to help her, but he didn’t trust himself to teach her the control she needed. It does narratively fit for Giles to be reluctant to help Willow learn the magicks given his past. However, he neglected her and is at least partially to blame for Willow becoming a magic junkie. He had every opportunity over YEARS to step in and offer her a proper education. He had the skills and if he were hesitant, certainly had the connections to find someone who would teach Willow properly, e.g., the Coven in Devon. The audience is acutely aware after The Dark Age that Giles has a history of abusing dark magic. Note that throughout the series, he does not actually use that much magic himself. This abuse led to Giles having to murder one of his friends among whatever else he and his ‘friends’ got up to, which means he knows full well the ramifications of messing with that kind of power and doesn’t want to go down that rabbit hole again. Magic is an addiction and he’s a recovering addict.

Equally, Willow never asked Giles for help. It’s all very well blaming him for being negligent and grossly irresponsible, but she didn’t ask him to teach her. She didn’t ask him for guidance or whatever, at least not memorably. Assume that he did help her. That he trained her and gave her a proper education in the magicks. There’s no guarantee that any of that would have prevented Willow from taking it too far. Willow has an addictive personality and therefore it makes logical sense for her to become addicted to magic. Ultimately, Giles could have spent years training her, but he can’t make decisions for her, nor does he wish to. Willow is her own person, a bright, capable young woman who is an adult. He cannot push her to do anything and it’s not in his nature to do so. Dark Willow is an inevitability in a sense.

Essentially while Giles staying in Sunnydale would’ve been preferable on a personal level, it would have made very little difference as to whether Willow would abuse the magicks. She’d already done so on countless occasions with no intervention therefore he likely wouldn’t have interfered until it was too little too late. It’s not that he doesn’t care for Willow, but he had other priorities, right or wrong. Should he have helped her? Absolutely. But it takes two to Tango...

#btvs #Buffy The Vampire Slayer #rupert giles #willow rosenberg #meta #very long essay that took too long #sorry for my mess

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fanaticit · 3 years

Text

Nobody Heard Him

Preview: "But it was more than Loneliness, wasn't it, Martin? It was terror, too. Don't you remember how that terror felt? Feel it again. Feed on it."Or, Peter Lukas imposes the Lonely onto Martin.

Pairing: Implied Jonathan Sims/Martin Blackwood (Jonmartin)

Genre/themes: Hurt, angst, loneliness

CW's: Using power over somebody in a harmful way, being trapped in a bad situation, nobody can hear/see you, psychological and emotional abuse, manipulation, loneliness, etc. Be safe, please!

Word Count: 1627

Martin was drifting through the Archives with every care in the world resting on his sagged shoulders. He stepped on each marble tile, remembering that he didn't have to worry about stepping on the grouting between the tiles anymore. "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." He used to remember that every time he walked on pavement or tiles, but it didn't much matter anymore, did it?

He reached out a hand to open the door to his office. The knob had been black-painted metal, but years of use had made most of it metallic, reminding Martin of several statues he saw in Scottish streets a while back.

His pale hand passed through the doorknob.

It took him a moment. He tried again, and then again to open the door, to feel that cold smooth metal under his palm. Because clearly, that'd been his mind playing tricks on him. He hadn't slept well recently, or it was a trick of the light. When his hand went through the door, he screamed. Someone patted his shoulder.

"Ah, hello there Martin. Having a rough one, are you?" asked Peter with a genuine grin.

Martin shook his head in disbelief. "Peter, what just happened? My hand, it... it went through the door? But-- but you could touch me! You did, just now. What just happened?" he stammered, staring at his hand, which seemed to be growing less opaque to his eyes.

"Yes, that does happen eventually to most of us. Nothing to be alarmed about, I assure you." Peter assured triumphantly. "In fact, this is wonderful progress. How long has this been going on? I'm proud of you, Martin."

"I-- I can't open the door," Martin murmured to himself. "But I've seen you open doors. You walk around and pick things up, I've seen it. Peter, what's going on?"

Peter contemplated for a second. "I guess it's time for a discussion on the Lonely, Martin. Would you care to step inside?" He opened the door to Martin's office. Martin stepped inside, numb.

The Avatar of the Lonely looked at the wall while he spoke. "To truly harness the power of the Lonely, you must understand its power, its potential, its effect. Let me tell you some stories of people I knew of, Martin. There are so many factors in Loneliness. I can't list them to you, it's bigger than that. It's always too big to summarize, so I'll do some storytelling."

"A woman who worked up the courage to confess to someone she loved, only to be shut down and cast out like waste in front of a laughing crowd. How she cried in the bathroom, how she wanted to sink into the ground or disappear instead of being embarrassed in front of others. Humiliation and rejection are symptoms of the Lonely."

"There was a teen I knew of who associated with sad fools that glorified loneliness. They loved the pain inflicted on them, boasting about their latest tragedy until they couldn't separate grief from joy. They infused Loneliness into themselves eagerly, for the story they could tell later. The glorification of tragedy is Loneliness."

"Some old man who once had a name, but nobody remembered it anymore. Loneliness from age, from the grief of losing everyone close to yourself."

"Two siblings vying for a parents' affection, only for one to be left alone when the parent was forced to choose between the two. Being abandoned."

"A successful lawyer choosing to stay late at work again instead of seeing his family, falling asleep in his office instead of in his home. A priority that lets Loneliness win."

"Loneliness no matter how many people are close. Pushing them away, feeling like they don't care. Anxiety and depression, loneliness despite a crowd around you."

"Oh, there are so many shapes and sizes of Loneliness, Martin. The feeling of being Lonely is similar to the true understanding of it-- overwhelming in every way. It's incredible, isn't it? I can tell in your eyes-- you feel it. You felt the Loneliness of every poor soul I described. Isn't it liberating, Martin? Knowing that you understand the lock, but not the key? Understanding the underlying terror of everyone leaving you behind, understanding why they all assume nothing will improve."

"It's marvelous, don't you think, Martin?" announced Peter, feeling the emotion of his novice.

Martin's face shook. "It's... it's terrible. I hate it. I want no part in this, Peter. I can't do this. I can't feed on their grief. It's wrong!"

He stumbled out of his office, his face grey and hands shaking. Jon. He needed him, Jon would know what to do, how to help him out of this. Where was he?

There-- in his office, the door wide open and a tape recorder going. His head was rested on his arms, and he was silently staring at the spinning tape. There was something haunting about his expression. Martin sped into the room in a panic.

"Jon, oh thank god, I need your help. I did something really stupid, and Peter's chasing me, and I need your help. Please, I can explain it all later, but he's gonna be here any minute, Jon. I don't want to disappear. He wants me to feed on their pain, but I can't do it. I don't want others to be hurting. Come on, we've only got a moment. Why aren't you listening to me? Jon!" Martin ranted, only then looking up at noticing that Jon hadn't moved.

"Jon, listen to me. Please, why aren't you getting it? Peter's going to be here any second and--."

"I'm already here, Martin," Peter announced from behind him in the doorway. He sauntered in, taking a place by Martin's side, staring at the Archivist with no emotion. "He can't hear you, you know."

"Stop playing games, Peter. Not with Jon. You said you'd leave him out of it," Martin stammered, looking between the two others in the room with worry and terror.

"I'm not," Peter said, matter-of-factly. "It's all you, Martin. I'm proud, really. You're making incredible progress."

"Stop it! I don't want any part of it. You're the one doing this, aren't you? Just another one of your sick mind games!" yelled Martin, no longer worried about being overheard, because nobody could hear him.

"This was all you, Martin. I didn't have to do this for you, you figured it all out on your own. Of course, I chose well. You were the perfect candidate for the Lonely right from the beginning. I didn't even have to work it into you, it was already there."

"Shut up!"

"The employee surrounded by superior minds, the eternally jealous and awestruck novice. The friend-to-all with no friends at all. The one ruled by emotion over logic, trapped in a room alone with their terrors locking on the door."

"Stop talking, Peter."

"Were you Lonely when you were trapped in your apartment while the worms tried their hardest to enter and dissect you? Were you Lonely when you faked your way into your job? Were you Lonely when you lost your companions in the tunnels and wandered about on your own until you stumbled upon a corpse?"

"I said shut up!"

"But it was more than Loneliness, wasn't it, Martin? It was terror, too. Don't you remember how that terror felt? Feel it again. Feed on it."

Martin had stopped talking. He went rigid and curled up into a ball instead, sinking to the floor and cradling his knees.

"You're the outcast, Martin. Why else would their only use for you be to bring tea? And they didn't even ask for that, either. Maybe they just didn't want you around at all. Is that why you faced Elias's terror all alone? And then so many of them died because you were too useless, too cowardly, too foolish to act. You're fixated on the one you love, but your death would be inconsequential to him. Everybody you've burdened with your problems was exasperated, so why do you even bother?"

The ringing in Martin's ears was intense, but Peter's words were more so. He stared at Jon, who hadn't moved. He was staring at the tape, oblivious to the scene in front of him.

"They all assume you're nothing, and you'll never have the strength or the resolve to even try to prove them wrong. You felt the Lonely when you lost your mother, too, but you felt it even more when she was here. Do you remember what her last words to you were? Grief seems like second nature to you now, but it never gets better, does it? All the little things you keep seeing. The little reminders."

"Just leave-- me-- ALONE!" screamed Martin out of the blue. He made eye contact, forcing Peter to look away.

"I really am proud of you. If being Lonely is what you wish, then I've succeeded already, haven't I?" Peter murmured. "You'll be able to become visible over time, though it will take effort. Although who's to say that you're really not visible?"

"...Maybe they all don't see you because they don't want to. Just something to think about. I'll see you tomorrow, Martin." Peter let out a sigh, then walked out of the door and vanished from sight.

Martin collapsed against the wall, suddenly exhausted. He stared at Jon, who was still staring at that tape recorder. The Archivist paused, then looked at the door. "Martin... where are you?" he whispered to himself, then rubbed his eyes and stared at the tea he'd made himself. "I miss you."

"I wish I could explain, Jon" mumbled Martin. "I miss you." He muttered it to himself under his breath, Loneliness taking him under again.

Nobody heard him.

AN: Stay safe, it's a crazy world out there. Have a good night. --fanaticit

#the magnus archives #tma #martin blackwood #jonathan sims #peter lukas #the lonely #angst #fanfic #the magnus archives fanfic

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dukeofonions · 4 years

Text

Deceit’s Somewhat Acceptance Arc (And Why It Feels Off)

So I was gonna do the video game post first, but then I remembered I’d started this one before I left for the weekend and decided to finish it. As a result, it’s kinda messy and my thoughts are all over the place, I had to delete and rewrite is several times, but I think I managed to get my overall thoughts there.

As always, this is just my opinion. You are free to agree, disagree, or feel completely indifferent towards a random person who spends their free time dissecting fictional characters.

We all good? Let’s go then.

I won’t lie, Deceit was the best part of this video. I didn’t think he’d be included as much as he was. Originally, I thought he’d be content to lurk in the shadows and let Thomas deal with the repercussions of not heeding him in the first place and leave him to sort through the mess himself without his help. Possibly having a cameo in the end, foreshadowing some major event that’s soon to take place, but I was completely wrong and he got the best freaking entrance and completely owned the episode.

It was great, seeing him take on his role of self preservation and defend Thomas, who was being harmed unknowingly by Patton with how far he was taking things. He encouraged Thomas to start taking better care of his mental health, was given a seat at the table, and even showed they could trust him by revealing his name: Janus

It was wonderful, beautiful, and I have a lot of issues with this.

Let me explain, on its own, the whole scene building up to Deceit revealing his name, and the following aftermath, is perfect.

What feels off to me is Janus himself, he feels like a completely different character compared to the Deceit we met in Can Lying Be Good? and saw in action during Selfishness vs Selflessness

To start, let’s briefly go over Deceit’s character throughout the first 5 episodes we see him in before we get to POF.

In his debut, Can Lying Be Good? He spends a majority of the episode disguised as Patton. Pushing Thomas to lie to his friend in order to spare their feelings and to avoid the possibility of Thomas being hurt. He’s shown to enjoy the distress the others are going through as the situation becomes more and more uncomfortable, and even gets close to being aggressive when Thomas decides he needs to be honest in this situation. Once it becomes clear Thomas won’t listen to him as Patton, he drops his act and reveals himself.

Immediately, we are given the impression that this is not someone we can trust. From the music, to Deceit’s entire demeanor, even the Sides’ reactions to him are enough to enforce that idea, as well as Deceit’s reactions to them.

With Logan, he immediately silences him, growling almost as if he’s annoyed and has had to do this before. He doesn’t really pay Logan any mind after his reveal and ignores him for the most part and Logan is more than eager to expose him for what he is.

Roman states that he “Hates this guy and his creepy snake face” while adding that he’s “Very kind” which Deceit responds to by giving him a false compliment. Showing right away that this has also happened before with these two (Logan is about to comment on the exchange but decides not to bother)

Virgil clearly has some deep rooted animosity towards Deceit. With the glare he shoots him and the two immediately throw insults at each other which comes back to play in almost all of their interactions.

We don’t really get much in terms of what Deceit’s character is really like with this first episode. We know he can be a threatening presence, but also has a bit of a goofier, dorky side to him as well. At this point, we’re not sure what his goals are or what his relationships with the other Sides are like (It’s obvious they all don’t like him) but for a while, this was all we got.

His next appearance was a brief cameo in Logic vs Passoin where he showed up after Logan exclaimed “I won’t have you lying to yourself!” Where he gave an evil chuckle, flipped Thomas off, then sank out without a word. This still didn’t give us much in regards to Deceit’s character, other than enforcing the fact that he didn’t like Thomas and showing that he had a bit of a mischievous side as well. It did, however, show that Thomas was easily distressed by him and wasn’t entirely on board with having Deceit for a Side yet.

After that, he disappears for 2 episodes before showing up during the end card of Embarrassing Phases, which is one of my favorite scenes in the series, and one that now causes a bit of problems which I will get back to later. Just note that this scene once again reinforces these things about Deceit: He is a threat, he can’t be trusted, he still has a bit of a goofy side, and on top of that his rivalry with Virgil is expanded upon and the idea that these two have a history is put up front and center.

Then finally, we get our first official episode that takes all we’ve learned about Deceit and amplifies them in Selfishness vs Selflessness. What we get is a character that can be cool and charismatic, but can also be silly. It’s still unclear what his overall goal is, and he delights in being proved right and winning against the others.

An interesting thing to note here is that all of the interactions Deceit has with the other Sides in CLBG Come back into play here.

He ignores Logan and keeps his input limited, he uses flattery on Roman to sway him to his side, and of course him and Virgil still have their rivalry, revealing more and more just how much Virgil hates Deceit. We also finally get to see his relationship with Patton, and see that he seems to hold almost the same amount of animosity towards Deceit as Virgil does. Thomas himself isn’t as frightened by him anymore, and is willing to hear him out, but he still doesn’t trust him.

Throughout the “trial” Deceit openly mocks the others, discredits them, and when he “wins” he rubs that victory in Thomas’ face and is shown laughing and celebrating while the others are at the lowest they’ve been. Things then take a turn when Roman decides to sentence Thomas to go to the wedding and give up the callback, which clearly distresses Deceit to the point where he nearly has a breakdown due to the others not being able to comprehend what he’s trying to say. Which is basically, selfishness isn’t always a bad thing, which he articulates a lot better in POF, but we’ll get back to that.

He leaves the episode shortly after Logan shows up, but not before delivering this rather ominous line: “It’s clear you all don’t want to listen to reason (while the embodiment of Thomas’ logic and reasoning is standing right next to him) but hear this: I’ll always be a part of you. I’m not going anywhere, and there are smarter ways to get people to do what you want anyway.”

Does that sound like a threat to anyone else? Or is it just me? Keep in mind at this point, everyone is still very much against Deceit, and he clearly is about to change tactics when it comes to dealing with them and getting what he wants. Another important thing to note is that this is the last time Thomas sees and deals with Deceit directly before we get to POF.

I should probably bring up Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts because while Deceit isn’t in the episode, he is mentioned a couple of times by Remus, who implies that it was Deceit himself who’s responsible for sending Remus out to antagonize the others. While this can’t be confirmed, Remus claims that Deceit said “You’re wanting to be more honest and be direct dealing with your issues, no longer will you deceive yourself about the ugliness within you.”

(Admit it, you all sang that and added the little “Neat!” at the end. If you don’t, I’ll know you’re lying.)

This shows that Deceit is switching things up and making good on his “promise” that he made at the end of SVS by forcing Thomas to accept yet another part of him that he doesn’t like. One that, by comparison, is much worse than anything Deceit could bring to the table.

His next actual appearance is another cameo in Are There Healthy Distractions? where all he does is take his hat back from Roman and berates him for it. The only significant thing to happen here is Virgil’s reaction to seeing him, which again, I’ll get back to in a moment.

This was the last time we saw Deceit for awhile, we were then subjected to a long drought between episodes as people waited to see the aftermath of the wedding that was the main conflict of SVS. Keep in mind again that so far, Deceit has remained relatively the same mysterious, slightly villainous character that we’ve seen throughout his 5 appearances thus far in the series.

So you can see why some people would be shocked when he suddenly does a complete 180 and is going about promoting mental health while acting silly around Thomas and befriending Patton, the Side he went head to head with during his last main appearance, and is now being offered a seat at the table while showing genuine concern for Thomas and aiming to protect him, which goes to show that he cared all along.

Right?

Uh, yeah, I’m not buying it.

Well let me clarify, do I think Janus is evil? No. Is it impossible for him to actually care about Thomas? Of course not.

And do I think it’s possible for him to change from his villainous persona to a more friendly one? Absolutely.

The problem here is that it doesn’t feel earned. We’ve only had one full episode with Janus before this, and even in the brief appearances we got his character remained consistent throughout them all. It’s almost like there’s a piece of this puzzle missing, and I have a theory as to where it is.

In short, Janus has not been fully accepted yet. Thomas trusts him, and even Patton does now, but does Roman? Don’t make me laugh.

Logan? He was once again removed from the discussion by Janus, which is a running theme with these two, so I doubt he’d be quick to accept someone who continuously silences him unless it benefits him.

And the biggest factor of them all, Virgil.

He hates Janus, every interaction these two have had is filled with insults, glares, and Virgil becoming more aggressive than he’s ever been towards anyone in the series.

Just look at him in ATHD, when Janus shows up hardly anyone pays him any mind. Heck, Remus has continuously popped up throughout the episode and no one has batted an eye, not even Virgil. But as soon as Janus shows up he goes feral, hissing at him while Janus pays him no mind.

What is going on here?

It’s glaringly obvious that something has happened between these two, something that won’t be easily swept under the rug when it comes up.

For one thing, just compare Virgil’s relationship with Janus to his relationship with Remus. We see at the beginning of DWIT that, of course, Virgil is hostile towards Remus and hates him, while being distressed by him. The two know each other and seem to have a bit of a history of their own.

What’s the difference between Remus and Janus?

Well, Virgil gets over his fear of Remus in just one episode. By the time it ends, he isn’t bothered by Remus anymore and tells him as such. Remus even seems to be kind of fond of him as well. And when Remus appears again in ATHD, Virgil doesn’t acknowledge his presence at all. Yet when Janus shows up just to retrieve his hat from Roman, he goes into fight mode and probably would have attacked if he’d stayed for even a minute longer.

And if you need further proof, look no further than the end card of Embarrassing Phases and Janus’ parting words to Virgil: “Just be sure to keep up that personal growth Virgil. Who knows? Maybe soon you could be rid of us all.”

Again, does that not sound like a threat to anyone else? And why would he say that to Virgil? Is he implying that Virgil is trying to escape from them? Actually get rid of them? There’s so much that this could mean in regards to Janus’ character and what his motivations are, but then POF comes around and suddenly this doesn’t line up with his character at all.

Don’t tell me you could look at Janus at the end of this episode and say that this is the same guy. He’s gone from leaving an episode with a threat: “You’ve seen the last of me” “You could be rid of us all” “There are smarter ways to get people to do what you want anyway”

To this: “Take some time for yourself, Thomas.”

As well as rejoicing in being told he was right and advising Thomas to stop overthinking everything since, as we’ve now seen, it does not help him in the slightest.

So… What are we missing? What the heck is going on?

Well, I said it before and I’ll say it again: Janus hasn’t been fully accepted yet.

Really, only one Side out of the four main Sides has accepted Janus. This Side just happens to be Patton, Thomas’ morality, and the one thing that stood in the way of Janus getting his voice heard. Because as long as Thomas viewed lying as wrong, he’d never listen to him.

Now that he’s proven that isn’t the case, and that he can help, Patton (and therefore Thomas) no longer sees him as evil.

But again, Roman, Logan, and Virgil have yet to do so. We know how Roman and Virgil feel about Janus, but we have yet to get Logan’s clear view on him since every time Janus has shown up, he’s been left out of the conversation. Though it’s safe to assume he’d be somewhat bitter about that.

The main thing is that something has been set up between Virgil and Janus. Something happened to make them enemies and that can’t be ignored, and I believe this will be addressed soon.

Because if it isn’t, and Janus is accepted immediately by Virgil, then all this would just be explained through bad writing. Which, again, I don’t believe the team is incompetent by any means. However, I do think that this all happened way too fast.

Let’s look at Virgil for a moment, we got plenty of time to know him throughout season one. We got to see him in more of a villain role, and saw him gradually become closer with the group. We saw hints of him wanting to get along with the others and be a part of them, but ultimately, decided for himself that he was doing more harm than good and so, ducked out.

We had 12 episodes to get to know Virgil before Accepting Anxiety came out. 12 episodes as opposed to Janus’ 5, two of which were nothing more than brief cameos and one his introduction where he was only truly himself for the ending.

Really, Janus only had 3 episodes where it was relevant to the plot, and only 1 of those was a full episode, which was immediately followed by him being accepted and acting more like a good guy who just has a bit of a chaotic streak in him as opposed to the mysterious, charismatic Side who works in the background.

Now, the way I see, there are two ways to justify this sudden change. The first is what I said before, that Janus hasn’t been fully accepted yet and needs to be accepted by Roman, Virgil, and Logan first before this can be achieved.

And the other thing, which I hate to consider as a possibility, would be that Janus is putting on an act.

Think about it, Janus realized at the end of SVS that his methods were not working. So he changes his approach, ditching the villain and becoming a hero. He literally appears at the end during a boss battle and puts himself into the role of a protector, defending Thomas from Patton’s harmful behavior. He acts more silly, loosening up, showing genuine care for Thomas.

Then the biggest red flag, his name reveal.

As I watched the scene I couldn’t help but find it oddly reminiscent of Virgil’s own name reveal. From the build up, to the delivery, it all felt strangely familiar, almost as if it’d been rehearsed. Manufactured to get the exact reaction from the others (in this case Thomas and Patton) that he wanted.

Virgil revealing his name was a sign that he trusted the others, and I believe Janus knew this and thus, used it to his advantage.

And guess what? It worked like a charm. Thomas and Patton immediately began trusting him, Patton even went to him for advice after Roman left. Could you see Patton doing that at the end of SVS? I certainly couldn’t.

Now I’m not saying this is actually what happened. For all I know, Janus was being completely sincere when he shared his name, and it really was a personal moment. The only reason I have such a hard time accepting it as genuine is because, as I keep saying, none of it matches up with how Janus was before POF.

Until this point, his character has been consistent and stayed pretty much the same, but now he’s completely changed. And I know it’s normal for characters to grow and change as a story progresses, but again, it just happened way too fast for this character in particular.

This isn’t helped by the fandom’s complete 180 in regards to Janus. Before this episode, it was still pretty common for him to be seen in a mostly negative light. People outright hated this character, and attacked people who liked him. Then Remus came and wasn’t shown nearly as much hate or negativity as Janus was. Now all of a sudden Janus is a “Good uwu boi” and everyone loves him. I haven’t seen one person doubt Janus’ change of heart. Which is surprising because given the fandom’s treatment of him in the past, I’m surprised this hasn’t been more common.

But then I remembered that another Side is currently being thrown into a negative light, which is Roman. He’s been thrown under the bus after his recent actions at the end of POF, all while Janus is now being held up on a golden pedestal.

Honestly, I’m debating ending this post right here because this next part delves way too much into conspiracy territory, but since this would be kind of an awkward ending I’ll go ahead and just throw the idea out there anyway.

So, it’s been established that the Sides are aware that what they’re doing is being viewed by an audience. Roman, Logan, and Patton have all addressed the audience directly before. Virgil has given direct glances into the camera, and of course Thomas greets the audience in every episode and closes each one out with a message at the end of every one.

In Crofters: The Musical Roman outright addresses the fact that Logan has become more popular than him. Implying that somehow, he has access to that information. So if Roman does, then why wouldn’t Janus?

Why wouldn’t Janus be aware of Roman’s insecurities? Why wouldn’t he use this to his advantage and spend the entirety of SVS boosting his ego since he knew that’s what he wanted?

What if Janus, being aware of the audience and how they view the Sides, knew that all he needed for his plan to succeed was not only to convince Thomas that he could be trusted, but the audience. He knows that they don’t like him, so what does he do? He puts himself into a much more positive light, while Roman is put into a position where he’s made out to be the bad guy?

And if this was the case, then it worked. A majority of the fandom now loves Janus while Roman is being left behind. He’s the perfect scapegoat, a distraction from the real plans Janus has in store.

But that idea is so far out there and paints Janus as more of an actual villain when really, I don’t think he is at all.

What’s most likely is that we’re going to learn what happened between him and Virgil, and then watch as Thomas and the others rethink their decision to trust him.

I don’t think Janus is evil, this series is constantly pushing the message that everything isn’t all black and white. Janus, like everyone else, just wants what’s best for Thomas but has a different way of achieving that goal.

My hope is that the writers are aware of this and have a plan for Janus’ character to develop more. Because if that isn’t the case and Janus remains a “good guy” from here on out then all of Janus’ previous appearances would be rendered meaningless.

He’d might as well be a completely different character at that point, because the Deceit that I (and many others) became invested in and loved since his first appearance would be gone. Replaced with a softer, less complex, less engaging “uwu soft boi” that now seems to be the fandom favorite.

Which makes me curious, if Janus is revealed to be lying to some degree, and was tricking Patton and Thomas, would everyone go back to hating him again? Would they give him a chance to explain himself and grow, or would they go right back to seeing him as nothing more than the evil villain they believed they were introduced to back in CLBG

Okay, that’s pretty much all I’ve got on this topic. It’s kinda messy by my standards and I’m sure I repeated myself a lot. So you are more than welcome to critique my points and debate them with your own. Just to clarify, I still love Janus. And I stand by the fact that he was the best part of this new episode. I just hope that this isn’t all the development he gets and that he continues to have his ups and downs.

And come on, how could they possibly pass up the opportunity to do the “Liar revealed” trope with the literal embodiment of Deceit?

#sanders sides #janus sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #fandom criticism

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ajokeformur-ray · 3 years

Note

Hey can I get some headcanons of your relationship with your F/O parents bc y’all are such a cute family dynamic and I wanna hear more about how you all interact🥰💗

and @arianatheangelworld

asdfghjkl; omgggg~ you’re all gonna kill me asghj 🥺😭😭thank you darlings omggg ~ 🥰🥰🥰💗 I hope that you all enjoy this, it’s always so bittersweet but also so comforting and fun to explore my dynamic with my parental F/Os and, well... isn’t that the point of it all?💖 Thank you thank you thank you for supporting and enabling me omggg ~ 💙😊

Word count: 3, 184 (holy shit I am so sorry... not😂)

It’s a quiet life, but there’s lots of underlying tensions beneath it all.

By quiet, I mean because I spend my days in my bedroom studying (not so far from reality, these relationships😂) but there are underlying tensions because no one in the household knows who Edward Hyde really is - it’s a secret between my parents and I.

What that means is that it’s tricky for Papa and myself to spend time with one another if other members of the household are awake - as far as they are concerned, Father is my parent and so is Mama, and Papa has no part in that. So as you can imagine, questions would be raised if Papa and I are caught spending too much time together (plus, this is set in the Victorian Era, so you can imagine the scandal of an unmarried twenty-three year old woman spending lots of time alone in a room, unchaperoned, with a man old enough to be her father...)

This is why Papa and I only have our time together late into the night, when said members of the household have gone to bed and it’s only my parents and I who are awake. It’s safer for all of us that way - it protects Father and his name, his reputation and his career, which in turn protects the household members from being turned out onto the streets due to a lack of employment and this in turn protects Father’s family, who always come first.

From the moment I wake up, my parents are there. As you’ve probably gathered from previous posts, I sleep with my parents a lot so it isn’t unusual for me to wake up with one of them. Rare and special occasions mean that I get to wake up with Mama and either Father or Papa.

Mama’s always up by five in the morning or she’ll fall behind on her chores so if she’s the one I slept with in the night, then I’ll get up when she does. She always insists that I go back to bed and that I go to sleep, but I rarely do. I much prefer to have those early hours with her so that I can help her with her chores and maybe, if I’m very lucky... I’ll get to be the one who takes Father his breakfast tray so that I get to see him early in the morning and so that I can crawl into his bed and get me some extra cuddles before I start my day.

If I sleep in with Father, then the opposite happens and I’m woken up when he gets brought his breakfast tray (7 AM on the dot!), and of course I end up getting up when he does because even though he won’t kick me out of his bed, he also knows that if he leaves me to my own devices in a soft, warm bed, I’ll end up falling asleep until noon and then I’ll beat myself up about it, so he makes sure I am awake and up before he’s done with his breakfast (and if Mama knows I slept in with Father, she’ll bring me some breakfast too!) to save me any emotional distress.

Father always wakes me up gently... up until a certain point. He will shake me gently while saying my name, which usually gets a sleepy groan from me. Then, it’s onto talking, with his voice going from a whisper and increasing in volume until he’s just above his normal speaking level. He never raises his voice at me and we all know why. If that doesn’t work, then Father will just “accidentally” pull the covers off of me. He isn’t subtle, but he also isn’t mean about it, and if I do genuinely need some more sleep, then he will let me have that. But for the most part, he makes sure that I’m up once he is on the nights I’m in his bed.

I never ever get to wake up with Papa. It just doesn’t happen for various reasons. Firstly, because Papa’s constantly moving around like a lion stuck in a cage and he loves me dearly but not enough to stay in one place for more than a few hours unless he’s already sleeping. Secondly, because he can’t be caught in my bed or vice versa by anyone other than Mama to protect Father’s name etc. Thirdly, I may wake up to Papa crawling into my bed or easing himself in his own if I fell asleep in his bed, but I don’t ever get to start my day with Papa. Our time is night time and that has to be non-negotiable. It does upset me if I wake up in an especially needy mood, but Father and Mama will get me through the day in the meantime.

Mama likes to sneak me items of Papa’s or Father’s clothing to wear when I go to bed. She’s not supposed to but Mama is sleight of hand and I can be quick when I need to be. She and I often have silent conversations in a crowded room and all it takes is for Mama to “accidentally” make a noise, like a quick scuffing of her boot on the floor or for her knuckles to make a noise against the wooden table and I just look at her. Mama catches my eye and then gives me A Look before she turns back to her ironing. I walk past and at the point where our lower bodies are hidden by the ironing board, she stuffs an unironed shirt in my hand (usually Papa’s) and I walk off, the shirt stowed away under my arm and then placed for safe-keeps under my pillow for the night time. Sometimes it might be one of her night-dresses, but I am comfier in either Papa or Father’s clothes.

There are so many secrets between myself and my parents which are kept from the other members of the household. Between all three of us, we manage it as best as we can, though I have no doubt that the others think we're a little odd. 😊

There are periods which are weeks long where Father is so busy in his laboratory that no one sees him. It's communication .via. letters on the stairs and that's all anyone hears from him. Mama and I worry immensely but Father's always been this way and all we can do is be patient and wait for him. He's a workaholic and he often makes himself sick from all of the working and everyone in the household knows what to do when these times arise, which are getting more frequent as Father gets older.

In especially bad times, even Mama won't be able to get through to Father. I get upset if that's the case, because if he shuts away the one person he loves above all else, it's a serious warning sign. Mama and I have a pact that if she can't get through, then I will. Father is always so protective of me, and now it's my turn to protect him. I take this very seriously, understandably so, and I wait up until two or three in the morning, so late that even Mama's gone to bed and is sleeping. I wait in his study for that time, reading one of his old medical journals, and then I go downstairs, out the back door, and into the laboratory.

It's freezing in there because there's where Father used to carry out dissections and lectures back before his illness (never canonically diagnosed but it's believed to be depression or similar) got worse, so I always take him his old smoking jacket (which doubles as my blanket when I take naps in his study). By this time in the night, Father will be so tired and sleep-deprived that he's more likely to be honest with me, and it's for this reason that I also stayed up so late - Father will assume I'm unable to sleep because I'm so worried about him, and while that's true, it's also because I know him well enough to know what time of night is best for an intervention. Yes, it's slightly manipulative on my end of things, but I am my Papa's daughter and it's with good intentions so I don't linger on this thought for too long. It won't do me any good and my Father's most important. I'd do anything for him.

I find Father where I knew he would be - scribbling in a journal by candlelight, his fingers covered in ink, his hair a mess, yawning every few seconds. A cold plate of mutton is left forgotten by his elbow, only half eaten. I'm just like him when I study so I don't lecture my Father on his bad eating habits -he and I have the same work ethic so I would be a hypocrite to tell him off for something he usually tells me off for. I announce myself by putting his smoking jacket over his shoulders. Father pulls the jacket around himself with a shiver and I smile. You're welcome.

"You should be in bed, Erika." Father frowns in disapproval and I almost want to call him out on his hypocrisy.

"So should you," My tone is sharp with worry and frustration and Father takes a moment to look at me - I never speak to him like this. "Mama's really worried about you. So am I. We haven't seen Papa for weeks, and we - " Just like always, my anger turns to upset and I move away, trying not to cry.

"Erika." I turn back to my Father and I see that he has tears in his eyes, too. He's hurting and even though he's been trying to find a cure for years, he's never been able to find one which really helps him. "I am sorry, I - my work, it is. Well, let's not discuss the details." A pause. Neither of us know what to do, even when there is no one to see or hear us. "Come here." He pats his lap and I make a happy noise, which makes him smile. I love sitting on my Father's lap - it's been something I've done ever since I was a child and it always makes me feel so safe.

I go and I sit on my Father's lap (and have a quiet cry - he knows but he doesn't say anything about it because he doesn't want to embarrass me) and he continues to work, but as the hours drag on and we both get increasingly tired, Father knows that the time for working is over. On these nights when I manage to find my Father in his own mind and pull him back with just my presence (and my very existence is a reminder of what he holds most dear), I also spend the night in his bed.

"Thank you, Erika, for..." Father trails off, but I know what he's saying to me.

I snuggle into his bed, feel my Father kiss my forehead and whisper his love, and then I sleep.

The night is half the battle - getting Father to take a break tomorrow morning will be an even bigger battle, but by then Mama will be awake and we'll work together to save Father from himself.

It's not the first or the last time, but all of us in the family have our Own Moments which require special attentions and solutions, and we love each other even harder during those times.

The reunion with Papa after getting Father to take a break from his weeks of working always makes me cry, too.

Over the years, it's become almost a... tradition, of sorts, for Papa to greet me this way after a long separation.

I could be doing anything - reading in Father's study, writing in my bed, studying at my desk - and all of a sudden, out of nowhere -

"Erika."

Whispered so casually, so quietly, but my entire body freezes. I know that voice anywhere. I drop whatever I'm doing, I tear up, and I turn, slowly...

Papa's smirking at me, a cold and calculative look in his eyes, but I'm not afraid. I'm not even nervous. Anyone else would make me step back with this look, but not Papa. No.

"Oh, my - Papa!" I step forward into his embrace and I melt into the parent I've been missing most of all. I cry, of course I do, and Papa says nothing about it (he and Father aren't so different at all, once you get to know them, though I'd never tell them that. Or Mama. It's a thought I keep entirely to myself.) because he doesn't see why he should need to; he only holds me tighter.

I can almost hear his fond eye roll and it makes me smile.

"It's difficult to understand someone who is entirely incapable of asking for what he most wants, wouldn't you agree? You're the only one he listens to," our daughter.

There is pride in Papa's voice but just like always, I can hear what he doesn't say, just as he hears what I don't say. It's just how it is between us; Papa and I have a level of understanding between us which we don't have with anyone else.

That night, Papa sleeps in my bed with me. I'm never ready to say goodbye to him, or goodnight, either. The following conversation is a nightly ritual because of this:

"Just five more minutes, Papa?"

"I'll be here tomorrow night. you know that. Sleep, child."

"But - "

"Erika."

A warning. No one else receives warnings from the Edward Hyde and lives to tell the tale. So I listen.

"Fine." I know he will be with me tomorrow night. "Stay with me 'til I fall asleep?"

Papa sighs, rolls his eyes, and pointedly lays down, watching me the whole time. I couldn't hide my smile if I tried, so I don't even bother to - Papa taught me to show my emotions and to not hide them.

"Goodnight, Erika."

"'Night, Papa. Love you."

A kiss on the top of my head, and all else fades to black.

My parents and I are very physically affectionate with one another and it's... unusual, especially if you consider the fact that it's in the Victorian Era, but the members of the household find it touching. They get hugs and affection, too! Even if they don't necessarily know how to react to it, they still do get their hugs in the morning and late at night just before they all go to bed (which is between 10 and 11, whereas I go to bed anywhere from midnight to 3 AM).

If I have a nightmare or a bad dream, I am at total liberty to climb into any bed in the house, but of course I make a beeline typically for Mama's bed. She knows nightmares well and she'll simply hold me until I feel safe, and then she'll hold me some more because I get clingy and I don't like letting go. There's been times I've cried because she let me go before I was ready for the cuddle to be over (though those times were when I was much younger) so now she just lets me decide for myself when I've had enough.

With the way I sleep with my hair in two braids, I always get a mass of tangles at the back of my head. Always. I hate it and it always makes me hesitant to brush my hair, which is now midway down my back (so I can’t not brush my hair every day), because I know it’s gonna hurt me. I’ll brush the front parts of my hair and I’ll try to brush the knots out, but it hurts so I stop and I don’t want to brush my hair.

A part of me is always tempted to just leave it, but at the same time I know from previous experience that hair knots can and will get worse, so during these times I’ll take my brush to Mama. She’s always so gentle, not just with me, but also just in her nature.

She is such a tender-hearted person and I admire her so deeply for that. She’s incredibly busy so typically I’ll leave brushing my hair until the evening, when she has more time to help me. I don’t always ask her for help with my hair, so when I do, she knows immediately that it’s because I really can’t do it myself.

“Mama, there’s a - I have a knot. Can you help me?”

A small smile and she goes to get her wooden comb. It’s gentler on knots than my own hairbrush, which pulls more than it needs to, and we both know it. Mama is so gentle that it barely hurts me, and within minutes she’s done what I’ve delayed all day.

“How do you want it tonight, Erika? One braid or two?”

I fondly roll my eyes - like she needs to ask. My smile is in my voice as I ask for two, and Mama and I get to spend some time with one another quietly enjoying each other’s company.

Sometimes I return the favour by helping her brush out her hair, but she’s incredibly self-sufficient and she largely prefers to do it herself. Which is fine... I’ll find other ways to help her!😊

“Thank you, Mama.” My words are doubled up with a tight hug, and then I’m ushered off to bed because it’s late and she’s exhausted.

I technically have three parents and each one fulfills a different need for me, so all together, they meet all of my needs and I try, I try to be a daughter that they can be proud of, that they can respect and that they can love unconditionally. I try so hard every day to live in a way to honour their places in my life.

There's nothing I wouldn't do for my parents. I would die for my parents, to give them a happy ending, to give them the time to be together, but in many ways... I am that happy ending, even if things aren't perfect. It's a fight sometimes to keep secrets exactly that, but we make it work. We have to.

I tell them each and every day that I love them, I hug them and cuddle them and help them out where I can, because they deserve the world.

They are my parents and I am very grateful to and for them. They have made me who I am today and they'll be with me forever, no matter where I go or what I do or who I become. I just hope that they'll continue to walk with me for the rest of my life, because I wouldn't be alive without them... in more ways than one.

#loveletterstoledger #self-shipping #mary reilly #parental f/os #I'M CRYING OMG😭#this is OKAY TO REBLOG

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madlokilavender · 4 years

Text

I understand you

Pairing: Intrulogical

Content: fluff, unsympathetic sides (kinda?), sympathetic remus

this is a little sanders sides fic i felt an urge to write! i haven't written anything in quite a while so it might not be perfect, but i'm pretty proud of it!

Logan wasn't quite sure what to make of his situation.

Ever since Thomas had been introduced to Remus, the dirty duke had been extra clingy to Logan. He couldn't quite understand why, and for a while he saw him as a nuisance getting in the way of his work. Remus would constantly pop into his room, always in a different spot, be it from under his standing desk to suddenly showing up on his bed, thankfully still fully clothed. He would stand next to Logan, elbows resting on the desk with his face in his hands as he watched the logical side work with a wide grin on his face. Logan would try his best to ignore him, but usually eventually gave into Remus's unblinking gaze and asked him what he wanted. The duke would just say, "I just like watching you, it's fun!" Logan couldn't understand why, but had given up on trying to understand anything the duke said and just let him stay, so long as he didn't interfere with his work.

Until one day when Logan was tired of the other sides ignoring him and his advice, feeling particularly agitated and as if the other sides didn't want him around. He was back at his desk as usual, trying to focus but constantly thinking back to the events of that day. Thomas had returned from the wedding very depressed, seeking help from Patton and Roman. As usual, Patton was being very strict and basically telling Thomas that he needed to spend every moment of his life trying to help others. Roman wasn't as bad, but wasn't able to contribute much to the discussion as the moral side was consistently confusing him. Logan had tried to bring some sense to the conversation, but both Roman and Patton chose to ignore him, to the point where Janus had to impersonate Logan just so they would finally listen.

He was content that Thomas had finally learned his lesson about taking care of himself more, but he couldn't help feeling hurt that the other sides had been so adamant on not letting him speak his part. He wished the other sides could understand that he has Thomas's best interest in mind. At least he could count on Janus to help him.

As if on cue, Remus jumped out from behind the tall lamp in the corner, shouting boo and holding his hands up in a stereotypical scaring motion. Logan simply turned to him with a look of annoyance and exasperation. The duke stood for a second longer before dropping his arms and pouting, sad that his attempt to spook the logical side failed. Logan glared at him for a moment before turning back to his computer, typing out a schedule for Thomas to follow for his videos this week. Remus sauntered over to him, to his usual spot to watch him work. Logan was definitely not in the mood for this today.

"Remus, I do not want to deal with you right now, please leave," he spoke in a stern voice.

Remus gasped in faux offense, placing his hand on his chest and taking a step back.

"Logan, I'm surprised at you! You've never been one to kick me out, what's so different about today?"

The duke place his head in his hand as he spoke, tapping his fingers on his chin as if lost in thought. His eyes widened as he put the pieces together.

"Oh I get it! You're upset that princey and sunshine won't listen to you, right?"

Logan shut his eyes tight and grimaced, wishing he could just be alone right now.

"Logan you should know by now, those two are so stuck in their ways, of course they're not gonna give a fu-"

"Remus, please," Logan exclaimed suddenly, "I know that now. They do not care about what I have to say, and they do not care about me."

Logan leaned onto the desk hanging his head.

"They...they dislike me, I know they do. And I don't understand why I'm letting that fact affect me so much. This is certainly not the first time they've elected to ignore me, and I know it won't be the last. I just..."

Logan rested his elbows on the desk and set his face in his hands.

"I wish they'd let me help them. I wish they'd let me speak. I wish they would stop mocking me when I do get to speak."

He had no idea how the creative side was reacting to him, and he also had no idea why he was even saying all this to him. He just felt the need to tell someone, and at the moment he couldn't think of anyone else he felt comfortable talking to about this subject.

"I apologize, I know you don't care. I won't be upset if you decide to leave, I know this is likely uncomfortable for you."

There was silence for a few seconds before Logan finally raised his head to look at the duke. He had an expression that he couldn't quite read. Concern? Pity? The logical side was never experienced with reading emotions.

Remus turned his gaze to the ground as he tried to figure out what to say.

"Logan, I...I do understand how that feels. No one ever wants to listen to me either. Which I know sometimes I tend to talk about things they find too disturbing, but...I'm never allowed a say in anything! Roman is always in charge of anything creative, while I'm shunned into my own part of the imagination that no one ever wants to go to."

For the first time Logan had ever seen, Remus was flustered. He had acted this way when Thomas first met him, but that was all just a performance. This was genuine.

Remus looked back at Logan and let out an embarrassed laugh.

"Oh shoot I'm sorry, I made this about myself again, didn't I? My apologies, I tend to do that without realizing."

Logan sighed and stood up, straightening his tie.

"No, it's quite alright. It is...comforting to know that at least one other side understands my situation."

Remus wrung his hands together, eyes turned to the ground again.

"Well...even if those two don't like being around you...I do," Remus said in a soft voice.

Logan was taken aback by the duke's words and furrowed his eyebrows.

"You do?"

"Well yeah, of course," Remus chuckled, "why do you think I come here so often?"

It dawned on Logan just then how often Remus does just...appear in his room. Never really messing with him, just staying near him. It never occurred to him that he did that because he enjoyed his presence.

"Well I...I had assumed you just did that to aggravate me," Logan raised his hand in confusion.

The duke giggled, playfully swatting his hands at Logan.

"Oh sweetie, if I wanted to mess with you I have much more fun and effective ways of doing so!"

Remus pulled out his throwing star and stuck his tongue out, reminding Logan of when he struck his head with it. Not a fond memory, he didn't want to let the others know that it actually hurt quite a lot. He shuddered thinking about it.

"I suppose you're right, but...why would you enjoy my company?"

Remus let out an exasperated sigh, plopping down on the corner of the bed. He fiddled with his sash with a shy look on his face.

"Because...you're the only other side that doesn't treat me like trash. Everyone else says I'm evil and scary, even," his hands froze and his voice became quiet, "...even Janus. And I-I thought he was my friend."

Logan thought back to what Janus had said to Roman after laughing at his name. He hadn't realized that had such an effect on Remus. The logical side felt a wave of pity for the duke, and he gently sat down next to him on the bed.

"I'm sorry Remus, I wish I could have stopped him from saying that. You are not evil, and you can't help the things you say. You are representative of Thomas's intrusive thoughts after all, but that doesn't mean you should be treated in such a horrible way. We all have a purpose as sides, and we are all necessary for Thomas's well-being."

Remus smiled, a real genuine smile. Not like the smile he usually makes when bringing up inappropriate thoughts, this smile was warm and kind. He grabbed Logan's hand and held it firmly, catching Logan off guard. He didn't pull away though, somehow it felt...validating.

"Thanks nerdy wolverine, you're a pretty cool guy."

Logan felt a strange heat in his face. Was he blushing? He'd never blushed before. He awkwardly held the duke's hand in return.

"Uh, th-thank you Remus. I...to be honest, I also find your company enjoyable," he stammered, turning his face away to hide the redness.

They sat in silence for a bit, both starting to feel they could trust each other and find comfort in one another. Remus was the first to break the silence as he laid his head on the logical side's shoulder.

"Say Logan...would you like to come to my side of the imagination? We could dissect some dead animals, and I'd like to hear you explain how their organs work."

The other raised his head at the offer. He was never one to turn down learning, even learning about more morbid subjects interested him. He smiled and found himself resting his head on top of the duke's.

"Yes, I would very much like that."

Remus giggled and quickly jumped off the bed, spinning in place and offering his hand to Logan.

"Then off we go!"

Logan let out a small chuckle, finding Remus's energy endearing. He grabbed the duke's hand and stood with him as they prepared to sink out. Logan took another look at Remus, finding great comfort in his smile. As they left his room, he thought about how the others might react to him being with the duke. Would they be supportive? Or would they be disgusted?

He elected not to worry about it, as he had finally found someone he could be himself with. He wasn't going to let anyone's opinion of them affect him.

#intrulogical #sander sides #sanders sides remus #sanders sides logan #sanders sides fanfiction #intrulogical fanfiction

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daresplaining · 4 years

Photo

[ID: Excerpt from Bendis’s Daredevil run. Matt Murdock and Milla Donovan are alone in Matt’s office at Nelson & Murdock, talking.]

Milla: “I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable. But I-- I just couldn’t think of any way to approach you other than this.”

Matt: “It’s just that you are mistaken about my being Daredevil. That story just isn’t--”

Milla: “I can’t stop thinking about what happened the other day. When you saved me from that truck-- it really... I mean, I know you are in situations like that... every day... but I am not. Nothing like that has ever-- This is hard to say out loud... The whole situation-- It-- it had an effect on me that I can’t describe. I can’t describe to you why I came down here. I have never done anything like this before and I certainly have never spoken to someone-- Someone I don’t know-- Like this before... In fact, even with you pretending that it wasn’t you as Daredevil who saved my life... this is as intimate a conversation I have had with a man since college. ...I just need to speak with you again. To-- Thank you for saving me. Hmm... This-- this is very embarrassing. I’m going to go.”

Matt: “What do you do, Milla?”

Milla: “What do I do?”

Matt: “For a living.”

Milla: “I work at the Hell’s Kitchen Housing Commission.”

Matt: “You find poor people a place to live...”

Milla: “And we do a lot of environmental testing. Lead and soil. You wouldn’t believe how some people have to live.”

Matt: “Milla... Do you see a logic in that even if, let’s say, I had been the one that [...] tossed you into that clothing store-- Do you see how I wouldn’t be able to tell you that? Do you see how admitting something like that would be very... dangerous for me and for you.”

Milla: “Do you eat food? [...] Would you like to... have dinner with me tonight?”

Matt: “Milla, I can’t take responsibility for you."

Milla: “I’m sorry?”

Matt: “This tabloid mess I’m in. With everyone thinking I’m Daredevil. It’s created a situation around me where no one is really, truly safe. Everyone who works in this office. Everyone in my life-- as long as there’s this feeling that I might be Daredevil... There are people-- vulgar people who could-- I just can’t take responsibility for you.”

Milla: “Hmm, well... Are we still talking hypothetically?”

Matt: “Oh, yes.”

Milla: “Well, hypothetically, can you imagine a situation where a girl, like myself, might have known all about this before sucking up the courage to walk in here and approach someone, like you, like this? The way I see it-- a girl doing all that is clearly taking responsibility for herself. I don’t live in fear. It is funny how you immediately took my responsibility on yourself... But I guess that’s a topic we could talk about over dinner.”

Matt: “Can I think about it?”

Milla: “Sure. But just for the record... I never mentioned anything about a clothing store.”

Daredevil vol. 2 #43 by Brian Michael Bendis, Alex Maleev, and Matt Hollingsworth

I hesitated about posting this whole scene because it’s long, particularly when transcribed (Bendis really loves dialogue), but I decided that cutting it up or condensing it would be doing it too much of a disservice. It’s a great scene, and there’s a lot going on, and I wanted to include all of it.

Part of what I like so much about Milla is how ordinary she is. This is true of many other Daredevil side characters as well, but always only to a certain degree. Karen Page is a successful and glamorous actress for a while. Heather Glenn is a wealthy heiress. Glori O’Breen is a revolutionary. Dakota North is a supermodel-turned-private eye. Rosalind Sharpe is... Rosalind Sharpe. Kirsten McDuffie comes close, but there is still something polished about her-- her effortless snark, her ability to kick butt when needed. There’s nothing wrong with this-- I love it, in fact (see my thoughts on Glori’s character development in particular), but it is the nature of many non-superhero characters in superhero media to still feel slightly larger than life, and so it’s nice to find one who is more down-to-earth.

Another major factor in this is the use of perspective. Matt is the protagonist, and thus we see (“see”) most of his co-stars from his point-of-view. We are in his head, experiencing their behavior. This is particularly true of his romantic interests-- yes, we see scenes of them doing things on their own, but for the most part, the lens of Matt’s perspective and knowledge is always present. But Milla is engaging because-- while we do spend a good amount of time in Matt’s head when she is around-- there are some very hefty scenes in which we are made clearly aware of Milla’s perspective too. Her introductory scene takes place before she has even met Matt (thus, we know her better than he does), and their first meeting is much more from her point-of-view that it is from his. We watch her experience that encounter, and we see the effect it has on her even though Matt does not. This is followed up by a very candid scene of Milla awkwardly discussing her interest in Daredevil with a friend, who laughingly teases her about it. Again, we are getting to know Milla on her own, separate from Matt. Bendis excels at crafting characters who feel real-- partly through, yes, his dialogue, which breaks many of the dialogue-writing conventions but does so in a way that, when it works, makes his characters sound extra genuine. We see Milla’s infatuation, her discomfort, and that makes it very easy to feel for her and identify with her, because even if we haven’t all had a crush, or tried to ask a superhero out on a date, we have all had embarrassing interactions with people, and this leads us to root for her.

All of this carries over into the pivotal above scene, in which Milla insinuates herself into Matt’s office and asks him if he eats food out on a date. I love this scene for a whole list of reasons.

1. It’s super awkward. I mean, it gets better, but a person walking up to someone they’ve never officially met and thanking them for saving their life while the other person repeatedly insists that they did no such thing is going to be awkward no matter what, and Bendis makes the excellent decision of leaning into that reality rather than trying to soften it. It says a lot about Milla’s personality that in spite of this awkwardness, she still goes through with this and says what she came to say, and I then love her extra-humanizing “Hmm... this is very embarrassing. I’m going to go” when Matt just wordlessly stands there. (I also love “What do you do?” “What do I do?” Bendis is a master of this style of conversational humor.) They are both super uncomfortable, which causes us to sympathize with them, places them on equal footing, and makes the rest of the scene-- when they manage to work through the awkwardness-- all the more satisfying.

2. It undercuts Matt’s secret identity angst. We all (I assume) love Kirsten McDuffie’s playful handwaving of Matt’s insistence that he isn’t Daredevil, and this scene is the spiritual predecessor to all of that. Milla is convinced that Matt is Daredevil-- so convinced that she has put herself in this uncomfortable position to talk to him about it-- and so she has no interest in even acknowledging his denials. She just ignores them. And it’s really funny. It has been said before (on this blog, and elsewhere) that Milla exists in this arc as the anti-Daily Globe. She figures out his secret identity and the results are positive. Matt has spent issues denying, arguing, scrambling to defend himself against prying journalists eager to lay his secrets bare, and then in strolls Milla with “I know you’re Daredevil, and I’m taking you out to dinner.” And then she gets that smooth calling of his bluff on her way out the door, which is just... fantastic.

3. “I don’t live in fear”. And of course, we get one of Milla’s biggest character-defining pieces of dialogue. In some ways, it’s fairly standard-- Milla has a backbone, she isn’t frightened by the idea of hanging out with a superhero, and “I don’t live in fear” is an obvious reference to Matt’s own “Man Without Fear” epithet. But it’s a great, empowering speech, and it feels important. It gives Milla control in this conversation, and more than that, it gives her control in the relationship. She has chosen to seek Matt out, she has chosen to ask him out, and she has done it with the knowledge that it might not be safe. As the story goes on, we get the sense that whatever understanding she might have thought she had wasn’t quite accurate-- that she has definitely gotten in over her head. But in this moment, in this scene, it’s a powerful statement of intent and a comment on her character-- as a civilian, as a blind woman, and as a Daredevil love interest who is stepping into a legacy that’s drenched in blood. And I appreciate the facial expressions that Maleev gives Matt. You can tell that he is completely smitten with her, and that this speech has floored him. It’s fun to see him in this position, and it builds a strong grounding for the rest of their relationship.

I could go on. The artistic choice of placing a flowy, sensual painting behind Milla versus a closed window behind Matt was clearly intentional. I love the implication in the last panel that Foggy and Jessica were listening through the door. “Do you eat food?” always makes me laugh. This is one of my favorite Milla scenes, and with this creative team there’s always more to dissect.

#Daredevil vol. 2 #Daredevil #Milla Donovan #Matt Murdock #Commentary #Milla Appreciation Day #Looong post. Dammit Bendis.

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