#no wonder i was so confused cuz it felt so short

[stagethreekoma]

waait, it was counting INDIVIDUAL LETTERS?? woops

#stage babbles #gotta fix that #no wonder i was so confused cuz it felt so short

[dykeishh]

lessons in lust

ellie williams x fem reader

synopsis: ellie meets with her hot tutor for calculus and somehow ends with an anatomy lesson! 

CW: 18+ MINORS DNI, dealer!ellie (throwback asf), tutor!reader, slightly dom!ellie, cunnilingus, public sex (they don’t get caught tho), a bit of teasing, both reader and ellie are just sluts basically. not proofread :3

a/n: heyyy the way i wrote this in literally 2023 and it's just been in my notes… hence slight dealer!ellie appearance LOL its also barely relevant to the story but I just think tutor!reader x dealer!ellie is a hot pairing. also ellie being lowkey dominant in this is so funny cuz i'm really in my sub!ellie era… but its still hot honestly. anyways hope y'all enjoy!

——————————————————————

ellie sighed as she looked at her current course score, knowing she was about to fail her calculus class if she didn’t start getting decent grades soon. she cursed herself for picking astrophysics as a major, recalling how she ‘thought it sounded cool’ and failed to consider that she would need to take difficult math classes.

she didn’t hate it, but she was falling behind as she allowed her ‘business’ to take up most of her time. it was easy to get caught up, and she was pretty proud of herself once the money really started raking in, but was quickly humbled when she remembered she couldn’t afford to retake a foundational course to her major. 

that was how ellie found herself tapping her shoes against the library chair, waiting for her calculus tutor to arrive. she blew out a sigh from her pursed lips as she scrolled mindlessly through her phone, in a daze—so much so that she hadn’t noticed you walk up to the round table until you said, “hi, are you ellie?”

she looked up, a bit startled by your voice in the quiet library, especially because she had picked a spot in the back, away from other people and their chatters. 

she took a second to respond, partially because she had expected some kind of geeky math nerd to be her tutor--especially since it was through the school. however, the main reason for her delayed response was because she knew you.

well, knew is an overstatement, you were a bit of a crush that ellie had in one of her classes. she had never made a move to talk to you, but she often indulged herself by staring at your legs, barely covered by the short skirts you wore to class, and fantasizing about the sounds you’d make with her face between them. she noticed you were wearing a similar skirt today and her mind already started racing, but she quickly snapped out if it. 

“hi, yeah that’s me.”

“i’m y/n, i’ll be working with you today,” you said, smiling at her. she felt her heart rate increase, but she made sure to play it cool. “oh, nice, thanks.” you gave her a slight smile aam pulled your chair in next to her. 

“so, where should we start?”

—————————

after several minutes of going over the subjects taught in the course, ellie’s mind had started to wander back to your short skirt and your words faded into the background as she wondered how quiet she could be while fucking you in the library. you can feel her eyeing you up as you spoke, and try to keep your voice steady regardless of how nervous she’s making you feel. how are you supposed to teach her while she’s practically undressing you with her eyes?

“so, can you show me how you could solve this kind of problem?”, you ask. after a few moments of silence and ellie scratching her head, you giggle, noticing she looks a bit spaced out.

“jeez, am i that boring of a tutor that you’re zoning out?”, you tease. she chuckles and shakes her head, “no, not at all. these kinds of problems just confuse me is all, i really don’t know where to start.”

you scoot your chair closer to her and aren’t sure if you imagine hearing her breath hitch. 

“okay so, show me exactly where you’re having problems."

—————————

“holy shit. you’re a fucking genius. or a saint. both—whatever. i can’t believe i actually understand this,” ellie scoffs in disbelief. 

you smile at ellie and and shrug, “you had it in you. sometimes it just takes a bit of a push. i’m sure you’ll do great on your tests.”

ellie looks at you with a suddenly soft expression, suddenly realizing her appreciation for your help and being so patient with her. she also realizes that she might have a thing for nerds. she would be lying if she didn’t find your intelligence extremely sexy, as if you weren’t already hot enough.

“so, how am i going to repay you for this, y/n?” she asks, leaning towards you and brushing a hair out of your face. 

you let out a shy laugh at her sudden boldness, caught off guard by the cute girl’s fingers brushing against your skin. 

funnily enough, you had heard about ellie before. there was a small number of queer students on campus, and an even smaller circle of queer girls. and as it usually happens, lots of you knew of each other. in fact, you and ellie were both hooking up with the same girl, which was how you knew about her. just based on this, you assumed she was a bit of a womanizer, and her obvious flirting with you now seemed to align with this idea. 

but you aren’t put off by this—in fact, it only makes her more intriguing to you. behind your studious math-nerd image, you aren’t all that innocent either. 

“please, i already get paid to tutor. i’m just doing my job, so you don’t have to thank me any special way,” you reply, amusement laced in your tone.

“i know i don’t have to,” she states simply, “i want to. you helped me out, and i think it’s only right that i return the favor.” as she says this, ellie places her hand on your thigh, slowly moving it up as she looks into your eyes, waiting for a reaction. 

you raise an eyebrow at her, but once you smirk, ellie knows it’s game over. you lean in forward and lower your voice. “y’know, i think you might be right. i did, after all, save your grade in this class didn’t i?” 

you decide you’ll play along and see where this goes. after all, she was fucking hot. when she smirks at your response, you almost start drooling. 5 minutes ago, you were focused on integrals, but now all your brain can think is how fucking badly you want those long fingers to keep moving up your leg. 

“so how exactly are you going to repay me?” you ask, although you already had an idea of what she had in mind. 

even though ellie was hoping for this situation, she couldn’t believe you were actually down. when she realizes this, it goes straight to her clit. was she really about to fuck her hot tutor? 

ellie suddenly starts lowering herself under the desk.

“i think i can help you better down here.”

you just about come right in that moment, looking down at her mischievous green eyes from beneath you. your breath hitches and you look around to make sure that nobody is watching. 

“fuck. that’s so hot. okay… you just-you have to tell me if i’m being too loud, okay?”

ellie nods and can’t seem to wipe that smirk off her face as she crawls forward and positions her face so she could look under your skirt. you spread your legs slightly for her access and you can immediately feel her hot breath on your inner thighs, causing you to shudder. she looks up at you, making direct eye contact as she leaves wet kisses on your thighs, teasing you, even in this moment where she should be going quickly as to not get caught.

you bite your lip when she drags her middle finger over your clothed heat, then slowly rubs your clit through the pink fabric. you hear her curse to herself and you feel yourself getting wetter as each excruciating moment passes. after a few moments, she pulls your panties to the side to view your soaked pussy. 

“you’re already so wet,” she quietly groans. you almost whine when she brings her mouth so close to your center, looking up at you from her hooded eyelids and just holding herself there to tease you just a little bit longer. 

ellie takes a mental snapshot of your desperate expression as you look down at her, with your lips between your teeth and eyebrows furrowed. but she can’t wait any longer herself. needing to taste you, she licks a long strip from up your pussy and you immediately find yourself choking back a moan. 

ellie seems pleased by your reaction and starts leaving wet kisses on your clit, sucking lightly as she pulls away and alternating with gentle flicks of her tongue. its driving you absolutely crazy how gentle and slow she’s being, and you start to roll your hips to satiate her relentless teasing. she knows that it’s not enough but she’s also aware of how much more wet it’s making you. 

she sucks a little harder on your clit and your head falls back as you gasp in pleasure. then she pulls away, lightly smacking your thigh. 

“uh uh, keep looking at me. i want you to watch me while i make you feel good, baby,” she murmurs before she dives back in.

you pull your head back down to watch her with your mouth slightly agape and see her low-lidded eyes are clouded with lust. your back arches as you feel her the pressure of her tongue increase and watch her bob her head up and down under your skirt. ellie isn’t holding back and you can hear the messy, wet noises her mouth makes against your cunt in the quiet library. everything about the situation was borderline pornographic, and you almost feel dizzy from how much it was turning you on. without stopping her mouth movements, you feel her one of her fingers rub against your entrance before plunging deep into your cunt, causing you to let out a little moan. her eyes flick up back to yours, giving you a dangerous look as a warning. one of your hands clasps over your mouth to muffle your sounds as best you can. 

“feels good, doesn’t it?” she whispers, and you nod in response, causing her to tsk at you. “i want to hear you say it. tell me how good i’m making you feel,” she demands, slipping in a second finger. 

when you remove your hand, you accidentally let out another small whimper, and you respond as best as you can, “it f-feels so good. fuck, it’s too good,” you whisper, eyes rolling back into your skull.

satisfied with your answer, she reattaches her mouth to your clit and sucks harshly, forcing you to bite your fingers to hold back your sounds. her fingers speed up as well, and you can hear the lewd sounds of your wetness even louder now. you’re getting dangerously close, and she can tell by how your insides clench around her fingers. 

“s-shit, i’m close, ellie,” you half-whisper, half-whine. 

“i know, baby.”

she continues her assault with her tongue and fingers, doing her best to drive you crazy. she can feel her own wetness growing between her legs as she listens to your muffled sounds. when she sees your face, all fucked out and desperate, she nearly cums on that alone. “you gonna come for me?”

“mhmm,” you whimper, unable to respond properly as your mind and body are completely clouded with pleasure. your hands find her hair, needing somewhere to grab as the intensity became too much for you, causing her to moan into you, and the vibrations of her voice push you over the edge.

your body freezes up completely for a moment, then jolts as your release hits you, hard. you can’t help but moan and your legs shake as she keeps her pace, prolonging your orgasm for as long as she can. when the overstimulation becomes too much, you push her head away from you causing her lips to detach from you with a pop. you gasp for air and your body trembles as you come down from your high. 

when your vision unblurs, you see her still between your legs, lips and chin covered in a combination of your wetness and her spit, and watch her smirk before she cleans her fingers off with her mouth. it’s the most erotic view you’ve ever seen—you could cum a second time.

she helps you put your panties back on and slowy rises from under the table, looking around to make sure the coast is still clear. she chuckles when she sees you still slumped in your chair, recovering and wraps her arm around your waist to help you up. 

“how was that for repayment?” she teases.

you chuckled, still out of breath, and hoped that she’d be setting up more sessions with you in the future.

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams smut #ellie x reader #ellie smut #ellie williams fan #ellie williams fanfiction

[zikkytheblicky]

Hey I wondered if you could do Angel dust x Angel!male reader like his reaction to see a real angel ?

if you want,you can ignore this <3

this anon is so nice omg :( such a sweetheart i’m gonna call them sweet anon :3

anyway, ya ofc!! this might be a lil short cuz im doing this at 10 pm and im tired but ya!! its gonna be story format + headcannoning cuz why not :3 I MADE READER OBLIVIOUS BTW!!

angel dust has never seen an angel. not once, not twice. the only thing he’s ever seen closest to an angel was lucifer morning star but he’s technically a fallen angel.

so when he saw you for the first time he was very shocked- especially since you were so beautiful..

you were talking to Charlie and introducing yourself as one of Adams’ body guards. you were there with Charlie to help determine if Charlie’s idea was even possible.

so obviously, for your charlie’s sake, he was on his best behavior.

you brung your hand up to your lips and let out a laugh as angel cracked jokes to you as he told you stories about his life(?) in hell. “and then- then he-“ angel was laughing so hard he could barely continue- ignoring the knowing smirk husk sent his way. the damn cat. he knows everyone too well. maybe angel should stop venting to him while drunk (not like angel chooses to. his drunken, depressed state during those hours are never in his control.).

angel had ended up getting really confused on your anatomy- questioning how you can fly and why you have a halo over your head- keep in mind this man died in 1947 of an overdose and is in his thirties ☠️ he’s been in hell since 1947 and has NEVER learned about angels at all. the only thing close to angel anatomy he learned is how lucifer has yellow hair and has a kinda angelic color scheme (all angels obviously don’t look alike but angel has never seen another one besides vaggie but he doesn’t know she’s one).

“‘m/n’?” angel asked as his eyes followed the way your feathers twitched every millisecond from the uncomfortable stares at them. “yes?” “why do you have a halo over your head?” “ANGEL.”

angel likes you in a week. A WEEK. he fell so hard im telling you bro. like just one look into your eyes and he’d kill all three of the vees for you if you asked him to.

he surprisingly doesn’t act downbad in front of you. i know people like to think angel is bold and flirty but to me i think that’s just his persona and not his true self. he keeps up a persona so he never gets his trust broken again? maybe? idk. but i js believe he’d be shy and not really know how to flirt with you like he does with husk and alastor and sir pentious; so smoothly and easily.

think about how he had tried to flirt with you before but ended up just becoming a stuttering mess when you took his flirting literally.

“hey toots~ did you fall from heaven?” angel dust said in a seductive tone, grabbing your chin and tilting your face up at him. “huh? no.. i’m not a fallen angel..! are you saying i’m like lucifer?” “HUH WHAT- no- no! not like that at all! i was trying to- to..” angel stuttered his words, waving his hands around (bring careful not to accidentally hit you, of course). “to what?” “to.. just joke around! you’re so oblivious ‘m/n’, im going to punch you.” angel said in an affectionate tone, slinging his arm around your shoulder. “why? what did i do?” you asked politely, too politely. now angel felt bad. angel mentally screams.

sometimes you think angel’s mad at you when he’s playing around with you on text.

he ends up getting mad at himself most times

angel was smashing his head into a table and cursing all the overlords because of this btw.

alr thats enough bye bye!!

this was so rushed omlll. 😨

#male reader #x male reader #ftm reader #gender neutral reader #gn reader #hazbin alastor #angel dust x male reader #angel dust #angel dust hazbin hotel

[raitonsfw]

Hello ,

I would like to request dazai Osamu with a reader who is a virgin a d having sex for the very first time and he goes into corruption mode and is soo feral with her teasing and all but still takes good care of her after it .

you can ignore this if you want

thank you

𝚌𝚊𝚗'𝚝 𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚒𝚝 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚘𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚜𝚎𝚝 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 | 𝚍𝚊𝚣𝚊𝚒 𝚘𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚞

synopsis: You wanted him in his entirety and you made sure you were well prepared for your first time with Dazai, but what you weren’t prepared for was how much he wanted you in your entirety. Once he sunk in, his mind went blank and it was over. All you could do was take it, every inch, every thrust, every dirty mantra, everything. And you loved every second of it.

warnings: 18+ mdni, fem!reader, smut, virgin!reader, dick drunk!reader, pussy whipped!dazai, corruption kink, first time, consent, cursing, fingering, grinding, p in v intercourse, breast play, teasing, praising, dirty talk (lots of it), aftercare (he runs a lil bath for her), a smidge of pain, slight overstimulation, feral dazai fucking reader mercilessly into the mattress, reader does wear a skirt and works at the ada, bit of a bandage obsession (he’s so goddamn pretty with them), pet names (darling, princess, sweetheart, baby), possibly my best work? idk i fucks with it.

a/n: ty to my wonderful anon for requesting this, it was so entertaining to write cuz not me having to take several breaks to recollect my thoughts every time i wrote a piece of dazai's dialogue (he turns me into putty, i swear🧡), also, if anyone understands the manga reference in the very beginning, ily lots. wc: 2.9k. m.list

now playing: oxytocin by billie eilish

divider credit: @benkeibear

It was the day, you thought meekly as you mentioned something about leaving early to the bandaged boy that sat at Kunikida’s desk reading a new manga issue. 

“Huh? You want to go home now?” He asked, pulling one of his earbuds out and looking at you with a confused face. Dazai’s fingers played with a page hosting the demise of a beloved character and you instantly thought, maybe it wasn’t the time to bother him about cutting his day short. Not when his manga issue had been so grim, the remainder looking quite halved.

“Dazai…” You locked eyes with him and he slid the book into his bag wearily, reaching for his coat that he hung on the back of the chair. He pulled it on quickly, the edges flowing against him like waves and you admired how it fit him, the natural curves of his body did wonders within your mind. 

“Fiiine, but I want to finish this issue by tonight.” He complained, taking your hand as you two walked out of the office. 

Dazai and you had been dating for a few months, coming up close to a year and you made sure you had enough time to prepare. Prepare for your first time with Dazai, of course. You weren’t stupid, you’ve been thinking about it for months now– about the way his fingers lightly ghosted over your thigh as you two made out, the way a tiny groan would slip from his mouth when you gently bit his lip, the way that his cock would perk up when you managed to run your palm down his chest.

But that’s as far as you went. 

It’s not that you didn’t want to, you just weren’t ready for that type of intimacy. Dazai never rushed you, the comfort of his cuddles were very pleasing when he noticed your lack of forwardness after you felt you went too far. But the aching between your thighs lately had been getting to you as your eyes washed over Dazai’s lean build, taking in how his black vest hugged his waist with little effort and the tactical bandages adorning his body– you wanted them off. Off and hanging from his flushed body, fucking you mercilessly into the pillows that surrounded you.

Dazai twirled the key around his finger, opening the door to his apartment and ushering you inside with his hand against the small of your back. You entered before him, taking in the warmth of the tiny apartment that seeped into your bones. You wanted to jump straight to the evening, but you honestly didn’t know if you could even wait that long as you glanced at Dazai. He was taking his coat off and he had his manga in hand already, ready to finish it at the drop of a hat. 

“Dazai, I had something to ask you.” You started as he made himself comfy on the edge of the sofa, his legs crossing promptly and you second guessed yourself again when he propped the book open to resume the gory mess of the chapter. 

“Yes, darling?” He glanced up at you, trying to read your expression and he made another confused face when you didn’t answer. “Y/N?” 

You didn’t know how to tell him, the question on the tip of your tongue but not quite leaving. All you wanted was him on top of you but how were you to initiate it when you’ve never done this before? All of the other times, Dazai had kissed you first with a gentle hum and guided you into the confidence of taking the lead if you ever wanted to. It was genuinely sweet that he’s so willing, so patient with you, and your head spun a bit as you looked at him with a blank face.

Dazai put the book down on the armrest of the sofa and you knew you took too long to respond. He reached over, his legs uncrossing in their position and pulled you into his lap with a gentle tone evading his lips. “Are you okay? You’ve been off all day.” 

As you straddled him on the sofa, your impatience got worse when you felt the swell of your cunt press directly against his cock. You just wanted to sink onto him right then and there, the size of him basically teasing you and your entire face flushed red. You avoided his gaze as he tried to gauge what was wrong, his hands coming up to hold you around the waist steadily. 

He pressed a tiny kiss against your cheek, muttering into it. “Seriously, what made you wanna leave work early? I mean, not that I minded. We basically had nothing to do with Kunikida and Yosano out on a mission.” 

As Dazai continued talking, he shuffled his leg mindlessly and you dropped down further into his lap with a squeak. You slick rubbed up against the seam of your panties, nearly flooding through the thin material that sat so perfectly flush against his clothed dick and you were sure he noticed it by now. You were sure he noticed the heat of your cunt, warmer than usual, wetting the front of his trousers as he soothed kisses down your neck. The unmistakable bulge that pressed up into you made you dizzy, he knew why you were acting so off now.

“Is this why?” Dazai tutted, his eyes coming up to stare into yours as his fingers trailed down towards your inner thigh underneath your skirt. “You’ve been hot and bothered all day, huh princess?” 

“Yeah, been thinking about us…” You trailed off as you met his eyes finally, the muddled brown looking darker than usual. 

“About us? Did you want– Are you ready?” He stammered a bit, his face going red along with yours at the thought then a playful smirk played on his lips “Oh wow, can’t wait to tell Fukuzawa why we left early.”

“Dazai, don’t you dar–” You were cut off by a moan as his fingers pressed into the soaked material of your panties. You clutched at his bandaged wrist, grinding down onto them as he looked back at you with wide eyes dumbfounded that you didn’t shy away from the action. Sure, he’s grinded against you before with his dick but this was different, you were practically begging for his fingers in you.

“Y/N…” Dazai suddenly breathed out, his fingers slipping into the lace deftly and you felt him brush up against your clit. He studied your face, readying for any drawbacks as he went further with you. This was new to him after all, normally you’d tell him if he went too far. He wasn’t thinking straight when he pressed them against your cunt the first time moments ago and definitely not now as he slid them into you with ease. 

You jolted, the foreignness of it startling you slightly and he stopped moving them in. “Are you okay with this?” 

You nodded as you gasped breaths into his hovering lips, pulling him into a chaste kiss. His fingers curled in you slightly as he slid his tongue into your mouth, lapping at you breathlessly. You whined into the kiss, his fingers dipping in and out of you shallowly and the discomfort dissipated after a few seconds. You glanced down at where he had pinned with pleasure and you vaguely registered how he so painfully strained against his trousers, his wrist resting lightly against it as he thrusted into you. 

“D-Dazai…”

“What is it, princess?” He cooed, kissing the side of your lips as you tilted your head away from him. One of his fingers started to rub circles into your clit and you couldn’t remember what you had to say, the words disintegrating for your tongue. “You okay? Fuck, you’re so tight around my fingers… Can’t wait to get you around my cock.” 

That’s what it was, his cock. That’s what you wanted. 

But before you could yearn for it, his fingers slipped out quickly and you were being picked up by slender arms. The manga book dropped the armrest of the sofa and Dazai sighed as he noticed he had lost his page, but he didn’t move to pick it up as he brought you down the hall towards his bedroom. He laid you down on his bed carefully, tugging at your shirt with questioning eyes which you answered a quiet ‘yes’ to.

Dazai raked it up, marveling at the way your breasts bounced in the lace bra that matched your panties and he kissed them tenderly while he unclasped the back, letting them spill out. “So pretty for me, Y/N.” 

He wanted to take this slow, he didn’t want your first time to be rushed after all. After all, Dazai had been waiting for you to express you were ready and if you trusted him this much, he was going to make sure everything went right. He sucked a light hickey into the top of your breast while pulling off your skirt, his tongue basically melting the bruise into your skin as you huffed out a tiny whine. 

His dick felt so heavy against the seam of his trousers as he slipped your panties off, gazing in awe at how beautiful you looked exposed underneath him. Dazai slipped his vest off and his shirt all in one go and you crossed your legs together self consciously as he undressed. But before you could fully close them, a steady hand came to rest around your knee as he slipped out of his trousers clumsily. It was endearing to watch him almost trip against you as he shakily took them off. “Don’t be shy, darling, you’re perfect. Everything I imagined, okay?” 

‘Okay…” You breathed out, letting him slot himself between your legs and he immediately captured you in a kiss, his fingers lingering everywhere they could reach. You keened into his touch as he gripped your thighs, pulling you right against his confined dick and you wanted them off already. “D-Dazai?”

“Yes?” He murmured, rubbing his length against you and watching your arousal slick a dark patch in his light blue boxers. A quiet groan slipped out of him, his mouth slightly open and his eyes half lidded and honestly, you’ve never seen such a fucking sight in your life. His bandages wrapped around his forearms but his upper arms were exposed, his neck bandage connecting down some of his chest but not all. It was taut against his skin and you just wanted to pull at it til it broke, til it ripped and laid tangled against you too. 

“Be gentle?” You pouted, shrugging your shoulders up with a nervous expression. He gave you a quiet scoff, his hands coming to rest on both sides of your body and you felt him shuffle out of his boxers. 

“Who do you think I am?” Dazai chuckled, prodding the tip against your clit and rubbing it slowly. You gasped out at the sensation, squeezing your eyes shut. “Of course, sweetheart.” 

He moved it down towards your entrance and everything suddenly felt so real. Dazai sank in slightly and he cooed at you when you let out a quiet noise of discomfort, kissing you promptly as he pushed the rest of the way in. You felt the wave of pain thicken as he bottomed out, but you breathed through your nose, your mind guiding you to remember that you two were finally connected. He had buried his face into your neck, nipping at the flesh lightly as a drawn out moan came from him. 

Dazai honestly felt like he short circuited, you wrapped around him so well, so fucking tight. Yeah, be gentle? That was the last thing on his mind now as he felt your walls clench around him tightly, waiting for him to move. He didn’t know where these thoughts had come from, but all his brain was mustering up was ‘fuck you stupid into the mattress,’ or ‘make you cry his name between sobs,’ the absolute filthest things. He wanted to corrupt you, your virginity flowing like invisible threads between his fingertips as you whimpered out his name, urging him to move.

“Fuck, Y/N…” Dazai groaned, his hips snapping into you harshly and you let out a shocked cry as he barely gave you time to adjust. “Fuck, fuck, ‘M sorry, needed to have you right now.” 

He gripped your thighs, leaving crescent shaped imprints as he pulled you onto his dick more. He thrusted into you with a sharp pace, quickly leaning up to gain more control over your body as he set a rhythm. His eyes nearly rolled back as he watched you struggle to hold onto his biceps, tiny whimpers coming from your lips and there were tears collecting in the corner of your eyes, threatening to spill. He watched, his pace never slowing, as your breasts bounced with every vigorous draw of his cock and your hands flew towards the sheets instead as he plowed into you with harsh breaths.

‘God, so tight, so good for me. Seems like your pussy was made to fit around me perfectly, was made specifically for my fucking cock, princess.” Dazai teased, gaping at the way his cock slid so wonderfully into you, the base of it wet with a creamy ring already and you felt him twitch with ecstasy inside you.

You had no idea what had gotten into him, those words you whispered to him before abandoned and was this really your partner? Had you been holding back from him for too long? Maybe you should’ve given yourself to him sooner. 

It didn’t matter anymore, your brain had been frazzled beyond belief as pleasure sparked up your spine viciously, shocks and tingles overtaking every part of your body. You had your back arched upwards, bracing yourself with every ruthless thrust into your cunt and you had to make sure you didn’t knock your head into the bedframe. 

“Arch some more for me, beautiful.” A gentle palm came to rest underneath you, lifting you up some more and you shuddered at the feeling of his dainty fingers spreading against your back. 

“Look like such an angel for me. Guess I’m the devil huh?” Dazai taunted with a wry smile, whining each word out with eyes squeezing shut for a moment as pleasure coursed through his cock as you clenched around him again purposefully. “Wrecking you like this, I really shouldn’t have but, God, you looked so innocent underneath me…” 

Fuck, you should’ve done this a long time ago. He hit your sweet spot with relentless aim, ramming into it and you let out another loud cry, your mouth dropped open and you felt you were on fire as he laughed dryly at your jolt from his movements. 

“Gonna cum on my cock, baby? Look at me, princess.” You opened your eyes lazily, his experience making you numb to the touch and his hips became sloppy with each thrust now. He rolled them into you, his other hand gripping at your waist as he tilted his head back slightly. He whimpered out with a quiet slur, “So close...thank you, thank you…” 

His name became familiar in your mouth, nothing but it escaped in a frenzy of moans and you felt your orgasm surging, the feeling reaching higher and higher and-

You came undone underneath him the same time as he did, cumming all over his cock who painted your insides white with his. He pumped himself through it, collapsing against you afterwards. You whined out at the aftershocks, shaking slightly as Dazai pulled out of you. Immediately, you felt his hands against your thighs, caressing them after every jerk and twitch of your abused cunt. 

“God, I’m so sorry, Y/N.” He apologized all in one breath, his voice wavering slightly and you placed one hand on his back, smoothing it over once. 

“It’s okay.” You said once you caught your breath and by then, he had kissed you silly and massaged every single ache in your body away. The feeling of his touch calmed you into a state of exhaustion and with every gentle kiss, he whispered sweet nothings to bring you back to reality. 

“Want me to run a bath for you, sweetheart?” He asked once you could answer his questions, rubbing circles into your hips and lapping at the bruises on your breasts lovingly. “I’m going to carry you, so don’t worry about walking. I was so rough, wasn’t I?”

“Dazai, honey.” You whined, the pet name falling from your lips and he looked at you with his eyebrows raised. You smiled warmly at him. “You’ll fuck me like that everytime?” 

“If you want me to.” He grinned into the side of your thigh as he moved downwards to get off the bed, wiggling into his boxers during the process. “I’m running the bath.” 

Dazai bounced away and you stared up at the ceiling contentedly, a deep sigh parting from your lips. You never had expected your first time to be that intense, but you were so glad that it was, the feeling of him ghosted through your body and you hummed to yourself happily. You didn’t know why you waited so long, especially if that was how he was going to react. It sent arousal flooding through you again and you knew there’d be more than one round tonight by the looks of it.

You heard Dazai’s voice sing his way through his apartment, like honey dripping by the spoonful. “Darling, would you like a bubble bath instead?”

a/n: wanna get tagged in future writing posts? join my taglist!

#𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚎 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 •┈••✦ #𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚏𝚠 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚜 ✧ #bsd x you #bsd x y/n #bsd smut #bsd x reader #bsd dazai #bsd x female reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs dazai #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #dazai x fem reader #dazaibsd #dazai x y/n #osamu dazai x reader #dazai x you #dazai smut #dazai x reader #dazai osamu #fem reader #𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚏𝚠 ✰

[babyleostuff]

Hi! I was wondering if you could do a Seungkwan version of Cheol and Hannie's calling you clingy in front of the boys?

say you love me | boo seungkwan

genre | angst & fluff

word count | 1.6k

pairing | seungkwan x reader

author's note | this was actually so hard to write, cuz boo is the fluffiest fluff to ever fluff

“It’s your turn Seungkwan.”

After weeks of busy schedules, restless nights and days spent locked up in a studio, your boyfriend and his bandmates got a few days off, getting the time to properly rest before going back to even crazier schedules due to their upcoming comeback. 

You almost squealed when Seungkwan told you that he was going to have a short break, because you couldn’t remember the last time you got to wake up next to him, or even find the time to give him a goodbye kiss before going to work. 

Despite your obvious excitement, your boyfriend on the other hand, didn’t seem as happy as you were.

At first you brushed it off - of course he must've been very stressed and overwhelmed, so his mind must’ve surely been cluttered about thoughts of work, but you figured that this break was going to be the perfect time to spend some quality time, maybe you could even manage to go on a trip somewhere. 

But as you were sitting in his and Jeonghan’s apartment, the boys’ loud laughs echoing through the living room as they played a board game, Seungkwan still looked like something was bothering him. 

“Seungwkan,” Seungcheol repeated, trying to get the younger man's attention. “Sorry. Got a little distracted,” he could bullshit everyone around him, but all of the boys and you knew that he wasn’t just “a little distracted”.

For the past three hours he had been unusually silent, which was the first red flag, because Seungkwan was never silent. 

With a look full of worry, you scooted closer to him, until your thighs were touching. “You sure everything is alright, baby?” You asked quietly, wrapping your hand around his bicep, gently stroking it with your thumb.

You leaned in to place a kiss on his shoulder, when he shifted away from you, reaching for a water bottle. 

Your brows furrowed in confusion, because Seungkwan never dismissed your affection, especially physical, and he was definitely doing it now. 

“Boo, please tell me what’s wrong,” you said in a hushed tone, noticing how his hands were shaking as he was holding the bottle. You covered one of them with your own in hopes that it would bring him some kind of comfort, because you couldn’t stand seeing him so obviously anxious. 

“Could you stop nagging me, and find something else to do?” His voice was much louder than yours, drawing the attention of the rest of the boys to you. “It’s really overwhelming how you’re just clinging to me.” Seungkwan said, without even looking at you. 

The place went silent, as Seungcheol and Jeonghan exchanged worried expressions, not knowing whether they should say something or not. It wasn’t often that Seungkwan would snap like this, especially at you. 

“No need to be so rude Seungkwan,” his full name felt like poison on your tongue. “You could’ve just let me know if I was making you feel uncomfortable,” you said, letting go of his arm. 

Without sparing a second glance, you walked out of the apartment, pulling Seungkwan’s sweater tighter around yourself as you were met with the cold breeze. You didn’t realise when it had started raining, the droplets of water hitting your face one after another, sending a shiver down your spine. 

You’d think this would be the worst situation to be stuck in - walking in the rain without an umbrella and no phone to use, because you stormed out of the place without bringing it with you. There was no way for you to call any of your friends, and you did not intend to go back to Seungkwan after he treated you like that. 

But the way he snapped at you was so much worse for you. It didn’t help that he had never been so mean to you before, you knew that his teasing and “bullying” were just jokes. 

This certainly wasn’t one. 

“Fuck,” you muttered, as a passing car totally drenched you in water from the puddle on the street. You tried to pull the material of his sweater even closer to your body, but there was no use in that. You were a shaking mess, and if you didn’t change into something dry, you’d surely end up sick. 

Cursing under your breath, you sat at a wet bench - it’s not like you could get any wetter. You closed your eyes for a second, before looking up at the sky, that was just as grey and sad as you were. 

“Baby, what are you doing? You’re going to be sick,” all of a sudden a familiar voice pulled you out of your miserable thoughts. Turning your head towards the source of it, you noticed Seungkwan, who was just as drenched as you, his hair sticking to his forehead and the shirt he was wearing totally soaked by the rain. 

It broke you, seeing his slumped shoulders and tired eyes, probably because of the numerous sleepless nights and days full of hard work, and you had to force yourself not to rush towards him and tell him that everything would be alright. 

Instead you dropped your head, looking away toward the busy street, forcing yourself not to let the tears fall, even though they would most likely be covered by the rain hitting your face. 

“I’m really sorry,” he said, cautiously stepping towards you, almost as if he was scared that you’d run away if he came any closer. “I know that there is no excuse for my behaviour,” his voice was shaky, just as his hands were before, and you knew that if you’d look at him, you’d burst into tears.

So you turned your head even more away from him, squeezing your eyes shut. 

“I should have never snapped at you like that, and I’m really sorry,” you knew that what he was saying was true, you could hear it, but it didn’t mean it made you feel any better. “You really hurt me Seungkwan,” your voice was merely a whisper, drowning in the loud noises of the cars and the rain. 

“I know. And I hate myself so much for treating you like that,” you could hear he was getting closer, and at that point the only thing you wanted to fall into his arms and forget that any of this had ever happened. 

“I know that no matter what I say it won’t change what I did, and I don’t need you to forgive me,” you couldn’t stop the tears from falling onto your cheeks. You were so torn between forgiving him immediately, and screaming at him.

“But I just want you to know how fucking sorry I am, you didn’t deserve any of that. You always stick by my side no matter how hard it gets, and I took that for granted and pushed you away. I should have just talked to you, maybe try to explain how I’m feeling, but instead I treated you in the worst way possible,” even though you weren’t looking at him, you knew he was crying as well. “I pushed away the most important person in my life.” 

Yes, maybe you were weak, maybe you were wrong for feeling bad for him, but love makes you do stupid things. You knew you should’ve been harder on him for snapping at you like that, for calling you clingy for god’s sake, but you couldn’t sit like that anymore. 

“Please just tell me the next time you feel overwhelmed like that, and need some time alone,” you spoke up, glancing at him for the first time since he came. “I understand how burdened you are, and that you worry about a lot of stuff, but I don’t think I’ll be able t-.” 

“No, please I promise I’ll never do something like that ever again,” he pleaded, kneeling in front of you, and taking your hands in his. “You can’t know that Seungkwan. But I want you to talk to me,” you squeezed his cold hands. “Just tell me when you need some time for yourself, I promise I understand that sometimes you just need to be alone.”

“I know, baby, and I was so stupid for not doing that immediately,” he lowered his head, placing it on your knees, as his body shook with his sobs. You snaked your hand around the back of his head, gently pulling at the strands of his wet hair. “You’re not stupid Boo, and don’t hate yourself for doing that. I may not forgive you right now, but don’t think about yourself like that, ever.” 

He slowly lifted his head, his blood shot eyes looking straight into yours. You smiled at him, and cupped his cheek, stroking it with your thumb. 

“Please, tell me that you still love me.” 

Your heart broke, the way he sounded so concerned, made you want to wrap him in all of the blankets you had at home, and kiss him all night long. It hurt you so much that he’d think you didn’t love him anymore. 

“Of course I still love you, baby. I guess thighs like that happen in relationships, and I would never stop loving you because of that. I’m happy that you see what you did wrong, and I know that you’ll know better now.” 

“I never meant what I said. You could never be clingy.” he said, nuzzling his head further into your hand. “I know. Now let’s go, or we’ll get sick,” you said, standing up, and pulling him with you. 

“Mingyu lost by the way,” Seungkwan smirked, pulling you closer to his body. 

“I knew it.”

taglist (if you want to be added, check my masterlist): @weird-bookworm @sea-moon-star @hanniehaee @wonwooz1 @byprettymar @edgaralienpoe @staranghae @eightlightstar @itza-meee @immabecreepin @hyneyedfiz @honestlydopetree @dkswife

#seventeen #seventeen imagines #seventeen x you #seventeen kpop #seventeen x reader #seventeen reactions #svt reactions #seventeen fluff #svt fluff #seventeen carat #seventeen reaction #seventeen scenarios #seungkwan #boo seungkwan #seungkwan fluff #seungkwan angst #seungkwan x you #seungkwan x reader #seventeen angst #seungkwan imagines #seungkwan scenarios

[hxjikonn]

Hello~! May i request comfort Trey, Jade, Jamil and Silver react with only child reader who said to them "It would be nice if I had an older brother like you!" cuz they feel sooo lonely grow-up alone with parents rarely have time for them T_T

A/N: Hi!! This is such a cute prompt! I made this a platonic!reaction and the the reader is GN! Btw ^^ thx for requesting!

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Safe with me

☆Staring☆: Trey Clover, Jade Leech, Jamil Viper and Silver

Synopsis: The boys’ reaction to an only child reader who’s never felt the feeling of being protected and cared for because they’ve been alone most of their lives. (GN!Reader)

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Trey Clover

You were watching and helping him bake, while he told you stories of his little siblings. You listened as talked about their adventures very fondly.

It was nice to hear him talk about the people he cared about, he looked so happy, it made you feel the warmth coming from his words. How he smiled and laughed when he talked about them.

He told you all kinds of stories, about how they’d sneak pastries out to eat from their parent’s store, how he’d scold them when they forget to brush their teeth, and how they’d invade his bed when they get nightmares

You looked at him talking happily about his family, his siblings and how he takes care of them…you wondered what it’d be like to feel that way, without knowing you spoke out loud “I wish I had a brother like you growing up…” you mixed the bowl of icing unaware of the sudden silence

Trey was caught of guard, with what you told him just now, he realized you also told them before about the situation with your family back home, he internally cursed at himself for being insensitive.

Trey stopped what he was doing, he felt bad somehow, it was like something pinched his heart when you spoke those words.

He looked at you and smiled warmly and ruffled your hair, you tilted your head in confusion, not fully aware of the impact of your words.

Ever since then he made sure to check up on you everyday, ask if you ate, if you needed help with school work, and such

When he notices you look upset or if he feels like you don’t feel comfortable in a place/situation. He’ll pat your head and ask what’s wrong

If you don’t feel like talking about it, he doesn’t push you to, what he does as an alternative is tell you he’d bake [insert favorite dessert here] for you

He told Ace and Deuce to tell him when you get sick so he can come visit and take care of you.

He feels pain knowing you grew up most of your life alone, without siblings or parents to care for you as a child and what’s worse is you cant even see them cuz you have no way to go back home

So in Holidays when everyone goes to see their families, he brings you with him. His family treats you like you’re their family too, so when he sees you smiling he feels happy as well.

He knows how to deal with your stubbornness at times because he is the eldest child after all also he deals with Riddle everyday, so this isn’t a new thing for him to deal with.

He scolds, cares, bonds and even banters with you just like how an older brother would, to him you’re one of his little siblings now too.

He wants to make you feel like you have a safe person, someone you can lean on when the world seems like it’s weighing down on you too much.

Thus him standing as an older brother figure, and that means he’s strict with “crushes” and “admirers” too 😭

He also grounds you when he cant win an argument 💀 #TreyOlderBrotherRights

“Y/n, You are grounded!” “WHAT??“ “FOR ‘TIL COLLEGE!” “FOR ‘TIL COLLEGE?!?!” “You heard me. For. ‘Til. College.” “Trey…this is college.” “…”

Jade Leech

Long story short you made a bet with the twins, the prize was embarrassing baby pictures, and you won.

When you got to their room, you expected to see the twins, but the only one who was there was Jade, “Where’s Floyd?” You asked him “Oh, you’re here, Floyd’s on…Clean up duty…” he explained “Right…” you just nodded, no questions asked cuz who knows what type of “Clean up duty” is Floyd performing.

You held out your hand, smug, “My prize please~” Jade laughed, and handed you one picture, it was of them mushing and eating cake as 2 year olds. “Hey no fair! You said picturessss” you emphasized the ‘s’

“I couldn’t find it, Floyd’s side of the room look like a whirlpool hit it…and he has it, although you can go to him at Clean up duty to ask-“ “NO THIS IS FINE!” you quickly cut him of resulting to him chuckling.

He made it up to you by telling you stories about them instead, he told you a lot, from stories of them growing up to him ranting about having to always look after Floyd when they were kids. “We take care of each other, though It’s mostly me that has to do all the responsible things Floyd doesn’t want to do” He added, smiling while he reminisces about their past.

“You’re a great brother Jade.” You complimented looking back at the picture he handed you “Thank you.” He replied “I wish I had a brother like you…” you mumbled staring at the picture. Jade turned his attention to you when he heard that…

Oh boy here we go. He was worried you were about to cry. The always smiling gentleman Jade was now the ‘distressed awkward Jade’

He doesn’t really know how to provide comfort in these situations, usually when someone’s upset he comforts them by telling them ‘it’s gonna be okay’ but in your ‘now way home’ case. IT WAS NOT GONNA BE OKAY.

He was as stiff as a board…just staring at you waiting for a clue on what to do next. But unfortunately for him, you didn’t even notice the situation and continued staring at the picture.

He awkwardly puts a hand in your shoulder and pats it, earning a questioning look on your face.

When you saw him looking like he was being held at a gun point, you giggled and apologized for making him uncomfortable.

The rest of your time together there was mostly prolonged silence. So you gave the picture back to him, thanked him for the stories and left.

He felt bad, no scratch that he felt awful, he tried putting himself in your shoes…what if he didn’t have Floyd? He asked himself. It pained him. When Floyd got home he gave him a hug, the thought was that upsetting for him.

That night he had his eyes closed but he was thinking about you, if he felt that way by just the mere thought of it, how were YOU feeling living it all your life.

He took matters into his own hands and slowly, made himself take on the older brother role for you.

He started taking you and picking you up from class class to class, walking you there and making sure you get there okay.

After awhile Floyd joined in it too, after Jade telling him about what happened. He thought of it, and yeah, it’d be really miserable if Jade wasn’t around if he was in your shoes too.

He made sure you were okay everyday, and no one’s bothering you. If there were he’d let Floyd handle it.

They’d both be the first ones to greet you in your birthday, yeah even before the ghosts or Grimm cuz they’d be secretly sleeping in Ramshackle two days prior 😭

You’re basically an unofficial “Leech” they’d sometimes try to convince you to change your last name so you can be their official little sibling.

Jade would also tell you to take lots of pictures when you three are bonding, whether that be sleepovers, at class, pulling pranks on Azul, he just wants you to feel like you now have not ONE but TWO older brothers

When Teacher’s ask for a parent or guardian when you get in trouble, and Crowly isn’t available, they’ll be the ones to (break you out of detention)come get you.

He’ll teach you how to make a terrarium and how you can take care of it, Floyd would try to drag you out of it, not wanting both of you to be mushroom obsessed but Jade’s force was stronger

Would be strict with your studies. Scolds and Tutors both you and Floyd when you both fail at a subject.

“If Johny has 6 x 3 bottles of dish soap, how much dish soap would he have?” “How much?” “Who the fuck is Johny?” “NO ONE FLOYD, ANSWER THE QUESTION” “Did you say 6 x 3 or 3 x 6?” “*inhales and exhales* Keep it together Jade”

Jamil Viper

You were visiting Jamil’s hometown with the other students, and you have to admit, hot days and cold nights you all were able to enjoy the beauty Scalding Sands had to offer.

You even met Najma, Jamil’s younger sister. You two befriended each other almost immediately, it was nice meeting a friend outside of NRC, Jamil joined in on you two later on.

You watched the two banter and tease each other until it ended up with them shouting at each other in Arabic, though it wasn’t serious, just sibling banter. You three stayed up all night, just doing all sorts of stuff, eventually Najma fell asleep before you and Jamil. You noticed this and pointed it out, Jamil sighed and carried his sister to her room.

Taking her bandana headband off, so as her jewelry and she let her hair down, he tucked her in and made sure to leave a glass of water by her bedside table mumbling a small good night before he walked to leave the room, when he saw you peeking by the door curiously, you hid back when he knew he saw you earning a small laugh from him

He went out and closed the door behind him, meeting you in the hallway “Sorry…” you apologized “No need, you weren’t doing anything wrong” He ruffles your hair a little and walked, you followed behind him

“You probably miss your siblings to huh?” He asked, “I don’t have siblings…It’d be nice if I had a sister like Najma or a brother like you though” you chirped, Mentally he was punching himself in the face for assuming that you had siblings, hearing the sadness in your voice when you answered him made him feel sad too…he walked you to your room and said good night, but he couldn’t stop thinking about what you said the next morning.

He just kept looking your way, just staring until you notice and he looks away. He’s worried, upset, sad, guilty, and he thought what you must’ve went through growing up alone.

He couldn’t stop thinking about it so he told his little sister, she actually punched him though, scolding him for making you feel sad.

She told him to take care of you at NRC too, she was also worried for you and she couldn’t come along with Jamil to bring to comfort and care so she told him to do it.

Jamil agreed, so when you all went back to NRC, suddenly he made you packed lunch everyday, ask how classes went, if you needed any help with subjects and he’d give you small gestures of affection like head pats, cheek pinching, he’d hold your bag for you, etc.

He didn’t want to make you uncomfortable with the sudden actions, so he only did it little by little until you got used to it.

You did ask why though, and he told you that Najma told him to look after you because she’s grown fond of you. The smile you made when he said that made him feel warm.

Like Trey, every holiday, he’d take you back to his hometown so you could spend it there, and so you can see Najma again.

You felt at home, more than in your real home. He was happy you did, he really did think of you as a little sibling now.

Though since you are technically their unofficial sibling, you became the middle ground of their banters and arguments.

“Najma, don’t argue with me you know I’m right.” “Uh no you’re not, If anyone in this room is correct it’s me, like always” “since when?!” “Since ALWAYS” “Y/n who’s right?” “Yeah Y/n tell him how wrong he is” “uhh I’m just gonna… *hides in vase*”

Silver

You were walking around in Diasomnia, when you saw Silver training with Sebek, you kinda just took a seat in the grass and watched them, swords clashing, swift strike and dodges. You were waiting to see who would win the duel when Sebek kicked Silver’s sword out of his hand, he wasn’t aware you were there so he kicked it your way. You couldn’t move either due to how fast it happened

You thought you’d meet your bitter end and die right then and there, you’re eyes were shut getting ready to be stabbed by a sword. But then you didn’t, and you were alive. You looked at your body for any scratches or wounds but there was nothing. You thanked the great 7 for sparing you but then Sebek shouted

“HUMAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?! YOU COULD’VE GOTTEN HURT!!” He yelled and you flinched at the sudden volume of his voice snapping you out of your thoughts, “Don’t yell, they were just watching, besides you kicked it towards them” Silver scolded Sebek and turned to you.

You didn’t even notice he was right infront of you, “Are you okay?” He asked. Then it hit, the realization that he was the one who blocked the sword. You shot up and started scanning him for injuries “Why are you asking me that?! I should be asking you that!” You said panicked, you saw a cut in his arm, it wasn’t deep but it was huge and it was bleeding so you asked Sebek to go get a first aid kit and he did, while you applied pressure to his wound so it wouldn’t bleed too much.

You got patched him up and told him he shouldn’t have jumped in the way like that, but he told you if he didn’t you’d get hurt. You thought that was really cool of him, no really cared for you enough to protect you like that. “You’d make a great older brother Silver” you said, wrapping the bandage around his arm. It surprised him “How can you tell?” He asked, curious.

“Well you know how to use a sword! That’s really cool…” you happily said, “and you protect and take care of people you love…” you added, he smiled “I’m also told that I acted cold around others, who would want me as brother?” He asked “I would…I think it’d be nice….” you mumbled finishing up the bandage on his arm. He felt his heart throb…he remembered you’re an only child, like him…

You helped him back inside and apologized for causing trouble, he was quick to dismiss it and told you that you never meant for it to happen.

He also nudged at Sebek to apologize for yelling at you earlier, since he saw you flinch. Sebek did but you said that it was okay, and bid them both goodbye.

That same day he went inside Lilia’s room, Lilia was surprised so he asked him why he went to his room….He told Lilia to take custody of you while you’re here so he can be your older brother

Lilia was shocked and speechless by Silver’s sudden request. Now he couldn’t help but wonder what was going on inside Silver’s head. So he asked.

Silver explained that he simply wanted to take on the role of being your older brother so he can protect you and that he needs Lilia to adopt you first. Lilia said yes💀

The next day Lilia was announced to be your temporary guardian making Silver your older brother. You were still processing what happened.

But ever since it was official, he made everyone know that you were his little sibling. He’d go to your classes and pick you up, teach you how to use a sword and protected you from people who pick on you.

He’d also come by Ramshackle every night, sometimes sleeping over, cuz he doesn’t wanna leave you all alone there. What if you had nightmares? He wanted to protect you from those too.

He’d always invite you to dinner, mainly because he’d tell Malleus you wanted to cook for them so they can avoid Lilia’s cooking sometimes, but also just because he wants you to spend time with them and feel at home.

It even came to a point where he asked you to transfer to diasomnia so you two can be nearer with each other, you declined and said Crowly was the one to decide that. That was his next mission😭 and he went to Lilia again for help.

“Father help me convince headmaster Crowly to transfer my little sibling here so they can live with us.” “Silver….it’s 4 in the morning….” “Yes I know, we need to start early so we can catch him before he leaves to go somewhere again, come on let’s go.”

A/N: It’s longer than I planned it to be 😭 but if you’re a follower of mine you’ll have to get used to long fics/headcannons/scenarios/reactions 💀 anyways, you know the drill, did not proofread this. Thx for waiting anon🥹♥︎

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland x mc #twisted wonderland reaction #trey clover #trey clover x reader #trey clover reaction #jade leech #jade leech x reader #jade leech reaction #jamil viper #jamil viper x reader #jamil viper reaction #twisted wonderland silver #twst silver #twst silver x reader #twisted wonderland silver x reader #twst silver reaction

[6uppermoonsupremacy200]

✧    ✦ ☽︎Your on your period☾ ✦  ⚝ ✧     

          

         ❧ ♡ Muzan kibutsuji ♡ ❧ HEE HEE

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-He has everything ready like food check blankets check pillows check like He is completely ready unlike last time…

-The first time this happens he was annoyed on why you were having mood swings.(Bro had no idea)

-You were very angry 

-And Douma being who he is annoyed by you …..

-Muzan has never seen anyone being this bloody in a fight

-Akaza being him is voting for you hoping he gets injuries that last long and make him weak.

-Muzan is very amused like he never knew you had this side but he was also confused like when were you this angry.

-Soon Daki has to say this to him.

-The upper moons are now being used as servants if you're on your period and if something is missing like a blanket or something they are getting insulted and probs emotional damage.

-He lets you be a bit rude and annoying as he thinks about when this will end.

-He's even there when you're crying from the pain trying to calm you down with gifts like basically stuff or nice words.

-And when it's over he just says about how crazy he felt you were and etc.

-Overall i actually want this treatment as periods suck and female readers , we hate them but it is what it is.(╥﹏╥)

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           ⚔︎ ✧˖ °☽︎Kokushibou☾ ✧˖ ⚔︎

-He is probs ignoring or not being with you as 1 he doesn't want to fight with you and 2 he has no idea what to do

-But he does check in sometimes to make sure nothing happens and you don't do something dumb or get hurt.

Sorry Kokushibous is short I just don't expect him to be there and I have no idea what to write

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                   ☃❄Doma❄☃

-He will get you anything you want with his servants like you want something sweet or a chocolate a servant is on their way.(Btw if your a demon expect him to share his food with you as most people prefer humans)

-He asks his followers for a heating pad and when you're crying He just hugs you as he has no idea what to do.

-But the first time he smelled blood on you he asked were you okay and also asked to drink a bit of it….

-You slapped him and said you were on your period…

-He wasn't very cautious tho and annoyed you just for fun and you cussed him and slapped him.

-He decided to not do it again when you're on your period as he just knows he will get smacked.

-I hope i will never have someone like him as i would bet the shit

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                   ❄🏀A̶k̶a̶z̶a̶🏀❄

-He didn't know anything so when he asked why you had a blood smell on you…

-You had to explain to him how you were on your period and what and when it comes.

-The uppermoon were wondering why Akaza looked so traumatized….

-But aside everything Akaza is very protective and caring as he doesn't want demons near you and he is way nicer.

-He gets you stuff you need and calms you down if you're crying or etc.

 UGH bro I want him so bad like bro please marry me like google how to marry 2D characters and we all can agree Akaza is husbando material.

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                 🧪Gyutaro𓌴

-He probs has almost no idea what to do and asks Daki

-He gets you snacks and stuff but is very cautious around you to not make you sad or etc.

-He probs asks Daki for help tho

-He will not be around much as he thinks you say he is ugly or etc.

-So when he is nearby, call him amazing or something cuz he cant be sad.

-He will treat you amazingly this time and always as you love him even though he looks like this so he thinks you're from heaven.

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                       ♡💎Daki💎♥

- Both you and Daki suffer together and try black clothes together

-You both cuddle ,eat and cry together

-She gets you a heating pad and one for her.

-And if you are a demon she shares her meals with you  or gets extra 

food for you

-So yeah you basically have your best time and stuff with Daki

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This was really fun to write but honestly I'm so sorry I had no idea what to write for Kokushibou and Daki as I never really thought for her to have a lover but at the same time I felt she should have one also Thanks a lot for liking my ho you guys met work as I thought I would have less likes or less people seeing it so yeah thanks.ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ

#muzan kibutsuji #muzan x y/n #upper moons #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #akaza x reader #demon slayer akaza #kokushibou x reader #kokushibou #douma x you #douma x reader #gyutaro shabana #gyutaro x reader #gyutaro #demon slayer daki #kny daki #daki x reader

[gallavichsreddie1128]

Give Him A Chance (Hannibal)

Description: Alana wants Hannibal and Y/N together but Y/N isn’t fond of him.

Word Count: 1,126k

Request:

Hi,

could I request a Hannibal fanfic, where Alana or Beverly are the readers best friend and they trie to set her up with Hannibal, even though she dislikes him? Hannibal also takes an interest in her, bit she keeps refusing. After multiple tries and a lot of convincing from Alana/Beverly,she finally gives in and starts dating him. (Maybe it get‘s steamy in the end with smut?)

“No, are you kidding me? Why the hell would I go out with him?” Y/N asked her best friend. She chuckled and shrugged, “You guys would be so cute together.” Alana tells her as they walk to work. Truth be told Alana knew that Hannibal had a thing for her best friend and wanted to make it work. But Y/N was stubborn and didn’t like Hannibal. “Will is right ya know?” Y/N said to her as they walked into the building. Alana rolled her eyes and nudged her. “Yeah whatever.” Hannibal waited for Y/N with flowers like Alana told him too. He’s been wanting to ask her out for awhile but with Alana’s help he would actually do it.

Alana waved at Hannibal and Y/N glared but wondered who the flowers were for. “These are for you.” He said, giving Y/N the flowers. They were her favorite kind of flowers. She looked at Alana who refused to make eye contact with her. “Thanks.” She said but not truly grateful for the gesture. “So I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date with me?” He asked her. Her face kept the blank stare that she had when she saw him. “Uh no thanks.” She said and walked away before anything else could be said. Alana’s jaw dropped and Hannibal’s eyebrows raised. “Wow.” He said and Alana laughed awkwardly. “She uh she’s just shy.” She lied to Hannibal. She felt bad for the guy but she promised him that Y/N didn’t hate him. Y/N walked with the flowers to her office and sat them down. She stared at them for a few minutes but shook her head and got back to work. 

As Y/N was leaving she saw Alana storming up to her. “Girl what the fuck?” Y/N looked at her confused. “You were supposed to say yes.” She exclaimed. “No I wasn’t.” Y/N told her. “Why won’t you?” “I don’t like him, especially like that.” She told Alana. Alana sighed and Y/N turned to her. “Why do you care so much?” “Cuz I know deep down inside you have some feelings for him that aren’t hate.” Y/N shook head. “You sound ridiculous.” Hannibal happened to be leaving at the same time they were and Alana saw him.

She called his name causing Y/N to roll her eyes. He looked back at the two girls and smiled. Alana took Y/N’s hand and ran up to him. Y/N protested but it was ignored as the reached him. “Y/N I am very sorry that I did that earlier. I was not aware that you had ill feelings towards me.” He said. “It’s okay. I never was going to tell you to your face.” She shrugged. Alana looked at her in shock and Hannibal laughed. “Y/N that is so mean.” Alana told her. Y/N looked at her, “You want me to lie?” “You don’t have to say that.”

“It is quite alright. I just am very sorry for whatever I did to make you feel that way.” Y/N looked at him, “If you don’t know what you did why are you apologizing?” Alana rolled her eyes. “Well I had to have done something to offend you.” He said. “Are you saying that you are a likeable person until you offend somebody?” She thought he was being egotistical. “How do you know that I just don’t like you for you?” She asked. He stared at her amused by her choosing of words. “I guess I don’t.” He said, ending the conversation. 

Alana was annoyed to say the least. She knew deep down inside that Y/N didn’t truly hate Hannibal like she says she does. She needed to fix whatever it was going on between them. So she needed to do the cliche lock them in a room together. “Hannibal.” She called to the man. He turned towards her and smiled. “Hello Alana.” He greeted. “I need you to grab me something from the supply closet as I am too short.” She said, “Even with the heels.” He joked making her roll her eyes. He followed her to the supply closet and as he entered it she quickly shut the door. “Alana what?” “I’ll be right back.” She tells him and goes to find Y/N.

Y/N was in her office when her friend came running in. “Y/N!” She exclaimed. Y/N looked at her, “yes?” “Come quick.” She said and ran out of the office. Y/N sighed but followed her. They both ran to the supply closet that Hannibal was locked in. “What?” “There’s a spider and I can’t kill it.” Y/N looked at her and sighed. She unlocked the door and opened it just to be pushed in by Alana. “Hey.” Y/N yelled as Alana locked her in the room. “Of course she does this.” Hannibal says startling Y/N. “Alana let me the fuck out!” She yells banging on the door.

“Not until you guys talk.” She yells back. Y/N sighed in defeat. “She’s right though. We really should talk.” Hannibal says. Y/N looks at him, “what would I have to say to you?” She asked him. “Why do you hate me so much?” “Hate is a strong word.” Y/N points out. “Ok why do you dislike me so much?” He asked. Y/N ignored him and looked around for something to pry the door open with. “Y/N?” “I’m looking for something to get us out of here.” He sighed.

“Can you just look at me?” He asked, she looked at him annoyed. “What?” She asked. “Why do you have an issue with me?” He asked. She shook her head and sighed. “Why do you keep asking me out?” She asked. Of course she ignored his question. “Maybe I find you attractive.” He says. She looks at him, “Ok but I have shown that I’m not into you like that.” She said. “It might be the only way we get out of this.” He tells her. She sighed knowing that Alana wouldn’t let them out until Y/N agreed to go on a date with him. “Is that what you want?” She yelled to Alana who was on the other side of the door. “It’s what I want.” Hannibal tells her.

“Fine. I’ll go out with you.” She exclaimed. She heard Alana cheer on the other side of the door but was too distracted by Hannibal’s smirk. “You can let us out now.” Hannibal yelled and the door unlocked. Alana opened it with a smile, “I was honestly hoping you guys would take advantage of this and make out.” Y/N gave her a weird look and walked out of the closet. “We will.” Hannibal says. Y/N looked back at him with a glare but deep down she liked the sound of that. 

#hannibal #mads mikkelsen #hannibal lecter #hannibal nbc #hugh dancy #will graham #hannibal imagine #hannibal lecter imagine #hannibal lecter x reader #hannibal lecter x you

[hobies-princealbert]

Hi!! Omg i wanna say ur hc’s and fics are sooo good whaaat pls pat urself on the back bc u ate that!!!? I really enjoyed your fontaine bf hcs but i was wondering if u could do some nsfw bf hcs for him. Hes just so 😫😫😫😫

awwww yall go make me blush. thank you very much though it's means alot that to you enjoy my works.

ﾟ+.ヽ(≧▽≦)ﾉ.+ﾟ

"taine, you a down bad munch" | fontaine x reader (nsfw)

▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎♡▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎♡▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎♡▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎♡▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎♡▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎♡▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎♡▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎

♡ fontaine is versatile when it comes to sex. whatever you want, as long as he's down he'll do it. can be rough as hell if you want. he's talking hand prints on your ass, running mascara, bruised hips, raspy screams. all you gotta do is give him the go ahead.

♡ can also be very sappy when you need him to be. not candle light and rose petals sappy. but he'll hold your hand, kiss your wrists, rub your back, just anything you need to get you closer to release. he'll do it. after all, he's here's to make his girl feel good, and he wouldn't be able to get a good night's sleep knowing you weren't at least shedding a couple tears by the time he's done.

♡ he loves to talk his shit. if your shy and don't say much, don't worry he'll get a couple words outta you. he's a big tease too, and will edge you for hours just for you to say one word. he wants you confident enough to ask for what you want, and what you don't want from him. he really does prioritize communication alot.

♡ if you already love to talk your shit, he'll be putty in your hands. loves someone who can boss him around every now and then. tell him where to touch and how to touch, he'll adore you.

♡ loves when you get really soft on him. stroke his cheek, kiss all over his face, even tell him you love him. hell, it's enough to make a nigga blush.

♡ loves car sex. will pull into an alleyway, day or night, and have your heels digging into his dash board. it's a tight space, little to no distractions, and semi public, all the things that gets his motor going (pun intended).

♡ a veteran munch. and he's gangsta enough to admit it. and if someone call him corny, he'll just laugh. cuz he knows a nigga that can't get pussy ain't running his mouth about it. you loveee his munch tendencies, even when he gets the itch at the most inopportune times.

you opened the door to your apartment, just to see taine standing in the hallway. you stare at him confused for a bit, cause wtf. "taine? what the hell you doin' here, it's almos' one in the damn morning?"

"i texted you earlier sayin' 'm comin' over, didn't i?" he did. but that was earlier in the day. once it passed 10pm you thought he got caught up with something, so you took your ass to bed. but you should've known better, taine always keeps his word.

not even giving you time to cuss his ass out, a pair of familiar hands grabbed at your waist, and lifted you off the ground. he kicked the door close, placed you on the nearest soft surface he could find. as you felt your legs being lifted onto his shoulders, you knew exactly why he was here now.

"taine, you a down bad munch" you smirked as he grumbles how tight these damn shorts are, as he desperately tries to get them off.

"yea yea talk all the shi' you wan'. hope you can stil' talk all that' shi' by the time I'm done"

♡ fucking panty thief. what can he say he has a thing for keeping souvenirs, especially if it was a good fuck. he has no shame with it. will slide them down your legs while he's getting dressed, and just stuffs them into his back pocket. and he don't wanna hear it. not like you can protest anyways, you're too fucked out to agrue with him.

♡ loves loves loves when you leave marks on him. the man has a possession kink, that's for sure. bite marks on his shoulders, hickeys on his neck and scratches all over his forearms and back. the man wears them like a badge on honor. And if anyone asks, he grows the most shit eating grin and tell em his girl left him some keepsakes.

♡ and speaking of possessive. if you're in a situationship with this man, or yall haven't cuffed each other yet, either way don't you even think about dealing with another nigga. taine would never be able to tolerate the idea of another dick drilling into your cunt. as far as he's concerned, he's the only one who knows how to make you feel good. good enough to make a blabbering, shaking mess of yourself.

♡ is his girl that greedy that he alone can't satisfy her? well shit, guess he gonna have to convince you other wise. cause to him, with way your cunt clenches around him, she knows he's the only one for you. but it's like your brain hasn't got the memo yet. don't worry he'll fix it.

(and if he ever found that man you fucking with, guess he's breaking another pair of legs. he doesn't like sharing. at all. just the idea pisses him off already.)

♡ his aftercare is decent. he's not to be overly affectionate post nut. he doesn't mind a nice cuddle session though. and he's sweet enough to remember to carry you to the bathroom, so you can pee.

"want some water? sure thing ma"

"hungry? what ya feeling for baby, want me to order take out or sumthin'?"

♡ he'll even have a warm, damp towel on hand to wipe you down, if you want him to.

#fontaine x reader #they cloned tyrone #fontaine x black reader #fontaine they cloned tyrone #this is the most ive ever gone into detail on this man #damn #i hope i didnt make him do too mucn since taine is a simple ass man at best #☆° via writes °☆

[britcision]

Listen I can’t finish it tonight but I’m real real close but next week is gonna be buuuuuuusy so chapter 15 is right on the line of done and we’ll see if I get it up before next Wednesday 👀

If I do, we may not have a WIP Wednesday next week so again, we shall see

This week, have second place from the poll, Waylon and Danny!

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I’ll Take The Highway part vi

Waylon sat back in his seat, back scraping against the wall of the booth as he surveyed the kid in front of him.

Little squirt was tougher ‘n he looked, that much was definitely true. Harley had given him the short run down on their way to the milkshake bar, all the powers she knew he had.

And that he’d been hunted by his folks for a while. Waylon knew how that kinda shit could mess ya up.

He appreciated the heads up too, cuz this kinda shit coming up outta nowhere? Also pretty damn rough. He’d wondered if the kid just wanted to come along for another fight.

If he just wanted another chance to say he’d looked Killer Croc in the eye.

But there was no real bravado there, not even when he challenged Waylon to a rematch. Shit, the kid treated him more normal than most of his henchmen had ever managed to.

Made sense, knowing he was part a ghost an’ fought ghost rogues, but it left Waylon wondering. Apparently he was getting his answer.

Same damn question he’d asked himself a thousand times, ‘specially around the kind of young vigilantes who’d taken a turn to the bad.

Didn’t mean he had a good answer.

He regarded the kid for a long minute, watching the fidgeting, the sudden shyness from a boy who’d literally tackled him from behind on a whim.

This wasn’t just an idle question. Something made him sure of that, and he’d never been involved in all that much of the really weird shit. You heard stories, especially in Arkham.

So he decided to give the kid the best answer he had.

“Cuz I was the worst version of myself. I let myself be the monster they thought I was, got pretty good at it. But it never made me happy.” He paused, mulling it over.

Chuckled softly and looked down into his half drunk milkshake. It was kinda funny how obvious it seemed, in hindsight.

“Shit, there was never even anythin’ I wanted. Not like Penguin, Freeze, or the others. People treated me like a monster so I tried to be one, cuz why the hell not? Couldn’t be worse, could it?”

His gaze shifted back to Danny’s face, watching the kid’s expression. No judgement, which was nice. But he did look confused.

“So you just… got sick of it?” Danny asked, his brows furrowed as he played with his fingers.

Waylon chuckled and shook his head.

“Kinda. Spent a while thinkin’ if people couldn’t treat me with respect, fear’d do. But it ain’t the same. An’ I never had the drive or creative cruelty to stand out in Gotham.”

Danny looked a little incredulous at that, eyebrows rising, but he caught himself before commenting. Snickered and shook his head.

“Yeah, I guess being in a city that’s used to people like Scarecrow and the Joker puts “big and green” into perspective,” he agreed dryly, and Waylon laughed.

It felt good to laugh.

“Oh yeah. City’s got more than its share of low level thugs anyway. I spent a while as extra muscle for the big boys, but I ain’t the takin’ orders sort,” he explained with a modest shrug.

Danny grinned, folding his arms on the table and leaning forward.

“What, a shy and retiring guy like you?” He asked, clearly teasing, and Waylon waved a hand dismissively.

“I’m lucky it was Gotham,” he added after a moment, reflection sobering his mood. “Got sent t’ Arkham. Met Harley. An’ the Bat’s not all that bad. He tried gettin’ me outta the life a couple times.”

Danny cocked his head, a slight frown returning to his face. Following Waylon’s lead.

“How did Batman try and get you out?” There was a little too much intensity for it to be a casual question, and Waylon noted it. Not that he’d figure it out on his own.

Just tryin’ to make sure he didn’t damage the kid.

“Oh, there were a couple ways. Got me moved down to Florida once. Out in the green, away from people. I figured bein’ a wild animal might be more my speed, but it wasn’t. An’ it got messy when I left. Like that whatever he tried, really. There’s lines you can’t uncross.”

Lines like being a cannibal.

Not that he was sobbin’ on a preacher’s shoulder about it. Most of the people he’d eaten were assholes who’d deserved it, and it’d been a preference not a need.

For all people loved to go on about him eatin’ kids and babies, he’d never actually done it. A guy had to have standards.

Made it easy to stop, once he was in a better head space. He and Harley had talked a lotta old shit out.

Kid didn’t need to know those grisly details though, at least not from his own mouth. Watching Danny a moment longer, Waylon came to a decision.

“Look, kid. There’s a lotta reasons people go bad. Some of ‘em can’t be helped. But if they’re not gettin’ anything out of it, if there’s no goal? The appeal runs out. And sometimes all it takes is someone willin’ to reach down an’ haul yer back up to the light.”

He wouldn’t ask if that was the case with whoever the kid wanted to help. Everyone heard stories, ‘specially about heroes meeting their evil selves.

The fear looked personal, but the asking coulda been for anyone. Waylon was in no rush to judge.

Danny mulled over his words for a while, lips moving soundlessly as he frowned down at the table. This time when he looked up, there was a peace in his eyes.

He’d come to a decision. Good for him.

“Thanks, Waylon. You seem like a pretty great guy to me,” he said simply, and Waylon definitely did not feel a lump in his throat.

“This is after years o’ Harley workin’ on me,” he grumbled gruffly. Shaking his head, he slurped down the last of his milkshake quickly.

Nothing like brain freeze to explain being a little misty eyed.

——————

Tag List: @welcometosasakiworld @kyrianclawraith @someonebored0100 @stealingyourbones @starkcravingmad @frostedthroughghost @akikkobara @rainbowbunny0159 @littlefeather345 @violet-catsarelife @serasvictoria02 @wolfjackle @blacksea21090 @secretdestinywerewolf @anime-hipster-the-amazing @undead-essence @skitscratched @blackroserelina @snoodly-boop @trickerdi @mayoota-blog @xysidhe @idkmrpianoman @little-apricot-the-writer @chaoticmistake @the-legal-shipper @bun-fish @aroranorth-west @demon-cat-goes-woof @perfectwastelandcreation @onyxlightdragon @larks-and-katydids @peachesandcreamfemboy @jesus-camp-the-sequel @may-rbi @mothman-the-mothman87 @viyatrix @stargirl1331 @idfk-man10 @thedepressedrobin @skulld3mort-1fan @rootsmudge @ravenshadow17 @cankoking @phantom-dc @mentalcarebear @magic-pincushion @redamancyardor r @lyra689 @itsparadoxlacuna @alcorbearson @asphyxia778 @why-must-i-be-like-this @tkiesai @greenpyrowolf @frivolous-pastel @honeysuckletook

#dp x dc #wip wednesday #danny fenton dead and loving it #dead on main ship #chapter 15 part vi #danny x jason #but today we talk about waylon #my good good boy

[bunnyyamor]

Wish You Were Sober

ଘ ⟆ haikyuu m.list. ⟆ taglist. ଘ pairing. shoyo hinata x fem! reader ଘ wc: 3K .

ଘ the idea was based off of this tiktok! you and your ex have just broken up and you want to get away from all the stresses in life. your friend invited you to a college party and there you meet your high school boyfriend hinata. all the feelings from the past resurface and you have to make a decision between your ex or hinata.

ଘ content: abuse, alcohol, throwing up cuz of drinking

the click of your diamond beaded heels echoed in the night. you were invited to a party by your friend. it was to celebrate her finishing her college courses. you were proud of her, she accomplished something many could not. 

you wore a tight sparkle silver dress that hugged your curves. it was short and made you feel empowered and beautiful. you looked up to see her dorm have people out in the front conversing with red cups and whatever liquid inside of them. there were decorations plastered on the building. some read “congrats” and “we knew you could do it.” you started wondering if you would ever have that same amount of glory.

as you made your way up the stairs your phone started beeping with texts. quickly and nonchalantly you opened up your phone to read your boyfriend’s whining and begging. again a fight. again he put his hands on you. you always wondered when was enough, enough. you were starting to believe you were at your breaking point. you were starting to come undone and crumble from the constant abuse. you knew it was wrong, it was not right and you always told yourself this was the moment you were done with him but a piece of you still loved him. or maybe you assumed the feeling you felt was love, maybe you depended on him, maybe you felt whole with him. it all was confusing to you. the words “i’m sorry” and “it will never happen again” filled the screen on your phone. yeah, you’ve heard that before. 

with a sigh you forcefully shoved your phone, with already read texts, in your purse. this wasn’t your day it was your friends. but that is when you entered and something happened inside you. 

“no fuckin way!” you shouted as you saw your best friend hinata. hinata and you were a couple in highschool then you both went to college in different areas. he was far away and you were…here. you both kept in contact via texts, calls, video call. but to see him here made your heart do somersaults. you both had dated in highschool and there he was a young dork. ginger locks that you loved combing your fingers through. you were starting to heat up looking at him in the distance. your mouth parted as your heart continued to patter like wings of a hummingbird. 

“hinata?” you scrambled to get closer to him. you were like a magnet with him. 

hinata turned around and that’s when his eyes widened with pure joy and his mouth created a huge toothy grin. “y/n?” he opened up his arms and you ran into them. feeling safe. feeling home. 

right away you noticed hinata’s attractiveness. from playing volleyball for college his arms were formed and so were his legs. he was taller now and his jaw was formed. he looked like a man. his fingers were thicker and had calluses on them from constant use of the ball. he wore a cap backwards, his red hair peaking. then he wore a sweatshirt jersey of his college with some basketball shorts. he wore vans and always of course he had his key chain strap sticking out of his shorts, something he used to do as a teen. 

“i can’t believe you’re here!” you said happily, giggling from excitement. hinata brought his hands up and softly touched your cheeks, rubbing heavenly touches on the apples of them. you noticed he had a couple of yarn woven bracelets on and that made you smile. he was still the happy sunshine. “i wish i would of known, i would of picked you up!”

hinata gave a lopsided grin, “it’s all good. no worries. your friend wanted to surprise you. she texted me a couple weeks ago. i’m staying at the hotel near your house. but surprise!”

you embraced him again and inhaled him. he was such a comfort to you. he still smelled like his body soap, fresh and clean. “i missed you so much hinata.”

“i missed you even more, beautiful.” he gently lifted you up from the floor. “remember i used to hug you like this in highschool.”

“oh my god yes,” you rolled your eyes as you playfully smacked him. “my skirt used to always fly up and you would threaten all your teammates that whoever saw under my skirt you would shove the volleyball up their asses.”

hinata blushed as he scratched the back of his head sheepishly. “i remember that. god i was really embarrassing.”

“don’t be,” you went by him, in the kitchen. you grabbed a red cup and filled it with rum and coke. “i always loved that about you.” why were you flirting? you literally still had unfinished business with your ex. that’s when it harped on you, did hinata know. he must of. sometimes when on your late night calls with him it would slip out. hinata would see the bruises and hear some things that were questionable. he always said you were too good for your ex and that he wanted you away from him, adding that you could always stay with hinata. 

downing your drink and wanting to forget about your ex, your life, the stresses, you imagined what life would be like if you and hinata would have worked out. what if you did take him up on the offer and stay with him? you might actually be happy. 

you shook your head as you quickly beelined to the bathroom. there you stared in the mirror, noticing some tears forming beads around your eyes. when you and hinata called it quits before college, you felt as if your heart had been broken in two. you loved hinata, still do but the long distance you felt was too much. not for you but for hinata. you felt hinata was going to find some other beautiful girl that wasn’t fucked up and that deserved him. that was your conclusion. hinata was too good for you and he was. during highschool you were the one in tears, frustrated, usually the one to give up and he was the happy go lucky. the smiles king. he deserved someone else that made him smile, not made him sad. you were friends with him, that's all you two could ever be and you had to accept that. hinata deserved the best and that wasn’t you. besides he probably had a girlfriend by now. 

you wiped the lonely tears away and opened the bathroom door. hinata was on the opposite side of the wall, leaning against it with a red cup in his hand. his eyebrows stitched together worried as he motioned to you quickly. “hey, you okay?” his eyes searched yours as he huddled over you in height. 

you nodded, not wanting him to know your pain. “bro, when in the hell did you get so fuckin tall?”

hinata’s face changed to a grin as he kissed the top of your head. you knew that he knew you were faking it. he knew you that well. “well, when the fuck did you get so short, bruh?”

you both snickered. hinata shouted to get everyone's attention while holding onto you by the shoulder, making you completely glued to his side. 

“hey everyone!” hinata drew his cup up high in the air. “ let’s get fucked up!!!!” he screamed as others hollered and cheered.

you and hinata had done beer pong which you had amazingly won. then hinata did a pushup contest with other guys which he had won. so you two were a tie for winning this night. it was becoming the best night ever for you. hinata would not leave your side no matter how many guys tried to force him to leave to go to another party or how many girls wanted hinata to dance with them, hinata chose you and held your hand the entire night. 

you however were starting to feel the alcohol and you succumbed to its strengths. feeling the loneliness and pain be covered by the high of the burning sensation of it seeping down your throat.

“you know i can lick my elbow?” you chuckled like a little kid, shushing hinata to tell him the secret of your powers. you noticed hinata did not drink as much. only having a couple shots and beers but now he was drinking water. was he watching out for you and making sure nothing happened to you? 

hinata looked down at his water and gave a small smile. “nah, i don’t believe that.”

you gave a maniacal laugh, making hinata find you even more cute. “oh buddy trust me, believe it. i’m gonna post this on yuptube and it's gonna go viral.”

“oh yeah?”

“definatelyyyyyyyy!” you sang. “just look.” you put your elbow up and tried to lick the end. your face was hilarious and hinata busted out laughing, sliding down the wall. no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t do it. hinata bellowed out a belly laugh, tears falling down his face from laughter. “sweetheart, i don’t think you can do it.”

“awww, no i can,” you pouted. as you tried to bash your head to try to stick your tongue to your skin, the motion caused you to trip over your feet and land onto hinata. 

“woah, you okay y/n?”

“mwahahaha, i just fell. i guess i can’t lick my elbow.” you cackled. 

hinata helped you stand up and looked in your eyes, hands again pressed to your cheek like an overprotective boyfriend. “i think you need to drink some water, love. stay right here while i get you some.”

hinata was quick with your water and he was right. you were starting to not even be able to remember your name.

“more, little more.” he kept pushing your cup further and further for you to drink more. 

you were starting to feel a little bit better, “thank you.” some water dripped down your lips to your chin and hinata caught his sleeve to pick up the mess. he wiped it away for you.

“hinata?” you grabbed onto his hands tightly. loving how perfect they fit with yours. these hands never hurt you, never slapped, punched, pushed you. hinata’s hands were hands of gold and hands that brought comfort. 

“yes, beautiful?”

“can you dance with me?” you looked up at him with an eye full of wonder and amazement. it was like he witnessed the most beautiful creation to ever walk on this earth, that was how he felt about you. “please, hinata.”

hinata bent down and kissed your forehead with such love that it was more than you ever felt with your ex. 

“of course.” hinata grabbed your hand and led you to the living room of your friend’s. the music that was blaring was club music, it was a party after all. hinata didn’t like this taste of music to dance with you so he led you somewhere else. “c’mon, i have a better idea.” hinata looked at each bedroom. one was being occupied by a couple having sex to which hinata covered your eyes as if you didn’t know or never had sex in your life. 

“umm, hinata you know i’ve had sex before.”

hinata sighed, “yeah i know. unfortunately,” he mumbled the last word. 

you were confused, was he mad that you were in a relationship with your current…thing? you were so indecisive. you didn’t know where you and your ex stood.

“here,” hinata guided you into another bedroom on the top floor, away from everyone. “how’s this sweetie?” he had a smile as big as the sun. he twirled you like a princess, holding you steady after on your hips. your heart sped faster with his hands so close to your skin. his fingers dug a bit tighter in your hips and he rubbed the fabric there. it was like an electrical shock. 

“hinata,” you whispered, eyes on him as his mouth opened slightly, a blushing mess as he heated up. 

“let’s just dance.” he grabbed his phone and put on a giveon's song ‘i want you.’ it was slow, sensual. the lyrics spoke the words that you and he were trying hard to find. they were right in your mouth, waiting to spill. they were in your heart and you knew. it was always him. it was always hinata. 

“hinata, i don’t-”

“shhh,” hinata slid you closer as his hand landed on your ass and guided to the back of your neck. then his hands dripped down to your arms, grabbing your hands, holding onto them like his life depended on it.

the air was hot, sexy, it was simple. two humans that wanted to love each other but it was not the right time. oh how you could go back in time. how you wish you could have worked things out with hinata. 

“you mean everything to me hinata.” your lips trembled wanting to give up everything to him. but things were complicated. hinata grabbed your face again in his hands, wiping your tears away. 

“i know baby, shhh, i know. you know i never got over you. all those nights trying with some other girl it never worked because they weren’t you. i thought about the way you talk, the way you laugh, your clothing, your smell, touch, all those made an impact on me that i don’t want to live without you. i settled for friends but i can’t. i need more. i want more. and i know you have that guy-”

you went with your gut. you couldn’t handle the separation anymore. in one swift movement you stood on your tiptoes and crashed your lips onto hinata’s. hinata carried you and wrapped your legs around his torso, diving deeper in the kiss. you both moaned and clashed with fury. teeth against teeth, passion against passion. it was like an explosion.

hinata put his hands on your ass and clawed there. you rummaged your fingers through his locks, feeling the soft hair on your skin. hinata groaned as he landed against the wall and slid down with you still connected, him still holding onto you. he landed on the floor with you on his lap as you two made out even more. 

“i can’t believe how beautiful you are y/n. every time i see you, you get even more beautiful. no other girl can compare. you are so special to me.” his kisses went down to your neck where you grinded on his clothed shorts. 

you couldn’t believe what you were doing. you still were with someone and he was currently blowing up your phone. 

“i love you y/n. i love you with everything i have.” hinata muttered against your neck, feeling your pulse quicken. 

“hinata i-” then the feeling came up. not of love and not of passion but of barfing. “i think i’m gonna throw up.” you quickly stood up and ran to the bathroom, holding it in till you made it to the toilet. 

hinata’s eyes widened in that instant. what a turn of events. “oh, i’m coming!”

he was a gem. a pure ray of sunshine. 

as you hurled unstoppable in the toilet of your friend's house, hinata held your hair away from your face so that it didn’t mesh with your vomit. “aww you poor thing. i knew i shouldn’t have let you drink so much.”

you wiped your mouth with the wet napkin that hinata gave you and leaned against the bathtub of the bathroom. “it’s okay. i wanted to forget, i wanted to space out.” as you shifted on the floor your whole neck was exposed showing hinata the bruise.

“what did he do?” his eyes were dark and he was all of a sudden so angry. you saw his fists turn white from the clenching. 

“i don’t know-”

“that monster. that fucking disgusting piece of trash. did he hit you again?”

“he swore that this was the last time hinata. he said he wouldn’t do it again-”

hinata scoffed, “yeah he says that every single fucking time! y/n can’t you see this guy is fuckin terrible for you! you deserve so much better!”

your head was pounding and the room was spinning. your thoughts were not coherent. you wanted your ex and hinata. it was the same cycle. again you felt drawn to your ex, it was an unshakable feeling, one you never understood. why do you still love your ex? or did you love him? it all didn’t make sense and you were starting to get more sick.

“please hinata. i can’t right now, can you please hand me my phone. it’s in the bedroom.” you went again to vomit in the toilet. 

hinata went to retrieve the phone and he saw there were tons of messages flooding your lockscreen. ‘i’m sorry baby’ ‘you mean the world to me’ ‘i promise i won’t do it again’ ‘i love you’ ‘i need you’ ‘i don’t know what i will do without you.’ hinata was pissed because it was the same shit. the same shit you fell for. hinata loved you and bless your heart, he truly didn’t understand why you would go back to that heathen. hinata shook his head. he just pronounced his love for you and he knew that you were going to go back. 

defeated he gave you your phone, “here.” he leaned against the bathroom wall and just got a good look at you. all of a sudden sadness just overwhelmed him so much that he felt he was going to cry. how much you meant to him. “please y/n, please don’t go.” he stopped his lips from trembling. 

tears fell from your eyes and you knew it, he knew it. you were going back. “i’m sorry hinata.” you stood up and bent down to kiss his forehead. “maybe in another life.” 

hinata looked outside to see your boyfriend’s car there and in a split second he picked you up and you were gone. hinata felt he lost again. 

it was 4 in the morning and hinata was tossing and turning in his sleep. he was sweating and his heart was having palpitations. he was anxious. he hated himself for letting you get in that car with that man. what if that was the last time he would see you? what if he would hit you again or worse? he blamed himself. called himself a coward. he thought love could conquer everything. 

hinata got up to drink some water as his nerves were making his throat dry. a ding went off on his phone to show he got a message. as he looked he saw a text from you. right on the top of his phone read the words, loml. 

‘i don’t deserve you.’

hinata again felt the tears. they blurred his vision as he tried texting back everything he wanted to say, ‘please y/n. come here. stay with me, i will protect you and care for you.’

hinata shook his head, did he deserve this treatment? were you toxic? no, no he didn’t think like that. you were in a tight spot and his best friend. you were his everything. you meant the world to him. 

‘i’m sorry hinata. i really am. i can’t do this again. i need you. i want you. i told him we we’re done.’

hinata read the text over and over. was this real life? he quickly dialed your number, afraid for your life that you broke up with your boyfriend. 

“hello,” you cried on the other end.

“oh my god! y/n, are you okay? are you really done with him? is this really over?” you cried on the other end, “i wanted to go with you today hinata. i really did. i was just confused about everything. but i feel safe with you. i feel comforted by you. i feel happy and loved and just like i can do anything when i am with you. that kiss today was the best feeling ever. it meant so much to me and made me feel and know the truth.”

hinata held back his sobs and nodded, “can you get here? do you need me to pick you up?”

“it’s okay, i’m already here.” hinata could hear you smile on the other end. 

he sped to the door and opened it as fast as possible. and there you were. in his doorway, shivering from the rain storm that was outside. and on your face was a big fat bruise on your eye. hinata gasped and had a face of horror. “y/n.” he went to the bed and grabbed his fluffy blanket wrapping you in it. “you can change your clothes in a bit to get dry. i have some extra hoodies and shorts. but you poor thing, my sweetie.” hinata carried you again like he always used to do in highschool. he carried you to his bed and placed you on his lap. embracing you and kissing you lightly all over the face. 

“it’s okay. i should have done this sooner,” you gave a lopsided grin. “one more thing hinata?”

hinata tilted his head in question. 

“i love you, too.”

taglist: @sailewhoremoon @tonaken

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[shadowjax]

The Red Orchid

Lilac’s Tears pt.1

A03

{Previous} {Next Chapter}

Donna Beneviento x gender neutral reader/you

Series Summary: The head gardener has taken you under his wing and as you grew older you viewed him as a father figure. You and the young mistress grew close over time but due to mysterious events she shut herself out form the world. A childhood crush left inevitable yet impossible. Soon other servants and inhabitants of the manor began to disappear one by one. Eventually the head gardener left without a trace and yet you stayed, where would you even go if you ran? The night became more dangerous as the years went by, screams echoed through the night homes left untouched.

Warnings: none that I can think of

A/N: combining chapters cuz there’s too little

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Ever since your visit to the church, something inside you felt very off. Your body felt different but you couldn’t explain how. Every time you stepped close to the church a series of pain would reject your body from getting any closer. First the headache began, next the nausea, last your bones felt as if they were slowly breaking every time you moved. One day the pain became so excruciating you passed out in front of the church. Luckily your lord was there to pick up your body and take you home.

“Woahhhh what’s for your guts in a twist.” The shrill of Angie’s voice was the first you heard as you woke up.

“You’ve been out for a bit. You’re lucky we found you before your body froze from the snow.” Your lord spoke softly and offered you warm tea to drink. You pushed the covers aside and drank the herbal tea. The cup was warm in your light blue hands, how long were you laying in the snow?

“I must’ve gotten too close to the church again. I tried to run but the pain shot everywhere too quickly.” This wasn’t the first time it’s happened, you try to stay further away but the further you go the effects still somehow surface.

You noticed you were dressed in different clothes than when you left. The aroma coming off from them smelled similar to your lord. You wondered when she wore this button down shirt and cotton shorts because all you have ever seen her in was the black funeral attire. Your heart fluttered and heat rose to your checks.

“Your cheeks are rosy, maybe a fever?” She placed her delicate hand on your forehead then cupped your cheek. “Hmm, no fever at least. Maybe it’s from the cold.” Curiosity caught her tongue. Her actions caused your breath to stiffen and your body to tenses.

If you knew why you felt this way or what you felt towards your lord, it would be easier to explain everything to her. But you remained silent, afraid to admit anything.

“Oooooo our little friend seems uneasy. DO YOU HAPPEN TO LIKE DONNA?” She jumped in front of your face, almost causing you to knock the tea everywhere.

“I…of course… I like her. She is my… lord after all. She’s been nothing but kind to me.” You stammered to find the correct wording. Your hands began to shake and your heart thumped so loudly the room could shake.

“Angie! Settle down, let’s not startle them and give them some rest.” Your lord seemed annoyed by the doll and at least she listened.

She took your empty cup from your hands and walked out the room. Your lord stayed behind for a moment to reassure you to get some rest.

“I must confess something.” Your lord stopped at the doorstep but didn’t face you. You noticed she gripped the handle rather tightly and her hand was shaking. “I… like you too. Your presence is pleasant, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t have allowed you to stay.”

She left the room and her words stuck to you like pin cushions. What did that mean?! Does she not feel the same?! Did she just keep you around for company?! Wasn’t the worse reasoning but she did admit she liked you but maybe not in that way. She liked you but enough to keep you around, nothing else. Right?

~~~~

Her words still confused you even after months after the interaction. As time went on the two of you have grown closer yet you’ve never seen her face, still. As much as you wanted to see her face you knew better than to force her. You respected her decision to keep it on. Besides, she never asked about your scar over your heart. So why ask about the veil that hides the face she apparently has a scar on as well.

The two of you had grown closer after your attack. Every time you left the manor to visit another lord she would always grab your hand, a plea to stay but she quickly pulled away then. When you returned home she would embrace you in a hug. Her arms tightly wrapped around your neck as your arms wrapped around her back. Your hands soothing her back to reassure her you were alright. You knew it pained her to let you leave the house, everyone she knew had disappeared or died. Sure Maranda adopted her but that didn’t mean she was given the attention a child needed.

There were often nights the weather got bad and a storm occurred during the night. Even when the thick walls absorbed the sound, the thunder and wind that echoed still made it uneasy to sleep. Memories of your younger age flooded your mind and kept you up. The paper walls you used to lay under prevented any protection from the wind or cold. You would spend the entire night shivering and covering your ears, trying to block out the sounds. The memories sent chills throughout your entire body. Since you couldn’t sleep you’d spend some time waking the manor halls, trying to surface better memories to calm you down. The portrait of your lord captured you into a trance every time. You spent countless time staring into her beautiful eyes. The eyes that showed you such kindness at a young age. She helped you get through the tough nights. She’d allow you into her room and sleep with her. She would hold you close and her warmth lulled you to sleep.

“Can’t sleep?” A quiet voice spoke behind you.

Your lord was standing behind you, her face unveiled. But it was too dark to see much but the light from the windows allowed a little bit to show.

“The storms remind me of the nights when I had no walls to protect me. The first night I spent here I was fine but ever since my attack…” You placed a hand over your scars on your chest, remembering the pain. “It’s been tough.” You sighed, half her face was embraced in darkness yet you could still make out her eye. Captured in a trance like a snake and a mouse.

“You're staring.” She said honestly which caused you to glance over at something different. “I notice you staring at this painting a lot. Why?”

“It may only be a portrait but it intrigues me. I never forgot your face but it’s nice to see it without relying solely on the memory I have from when we were little.” Your gazes locked. Vicious sounds from outside broke the moment. The sounds of tree branches breaking, the shadows dancing in the windows.

“It’s late, you need the rest.” Your lord places her hand out for you to grab. Your rough calloused hand slightly enveloping the smaller delicate hand. She brought you back to her room and you both fell into bed. Both your arms intertwined around the other's body, your head resting on her chest. Her heartbeat soothing you and blocking out the sounds from the outside. Her breathing, heartbeat, her presence pulling you into slumber.

That indescribable and remarkable feeling returned yet stronger.

The memory fills your heart with warmth as you walk through the woods. While in the woods you could only hear the sound of snow crunching beneath your feet. You were unsure of those monsters, lycans, we’re lurking around. The air brushed bits of snow into your face, the cold flakes piercing your lungs. Although you could tolerate it, you couldn’t stand being cold. You didn’t have enough muscles to keep you warm due to your lack of malnourishment growing up. Luckily you were smart enough to bundle up this time and were comfortable to move around in.

You were simply gathering firewood, prepared with a handy axe you made at Heisenberg’s. The handle was made out of redwood with vines engraved all over it. The blade was bound to the handle with yak leather shed black. The blade was a sturdy steel that had flowers gently carved into the metal.

This time you didn’t come alone, you brought your Lord’s doll along with you. She was strapped to your back, cradled in cloth. This doll had been your companion every time you left the manor, keeping an eye out behind you. You were given the honor to name her, Vivan.

You grew a little more comfortable around the dolls that were less lively, Angie was a different story. Something about her made you feel off inside, the same feeling you got from the church. You believed she gave you an off feeling because when you first met she tried to kill you and a talking inanimate object would take time for you to get used to.

~~~~

“I get the feeling you don’t like me, is that true?!” Angie hovers in front of your face, scaring you for a moment. You swore you could see some move in the cracks of her head.

“No, I do not. It’s just been a while since I’ve met someone new. I’m not sure how to put myself out there.” You admitted to the doll.

“Is that all….?” She twisted her head in an odd way and it creeped you out a bit.

“Yes, I’m sure. Now if you’ll excuse me I’d like to get this firewood inside as quickly as possible.” You stepped around her and carried the wood inside.

“You know… if you’re going to be courting Donna, you’ll have to get through me first?” She appeared in front of your face again, luckily you already placed down the wood. You were so shocked you fell backwards, Angie hovering over you.

“Courting?! Ahem, I do not understand what you mean.” You try to get up but Angie and her friends insist on keeping you down to listen.

“Courting, canoodling, rolling in the hay, lovebirds. If you plan to be together you better get used to me.” Her friends held you down, back against the floorboard. She began to walk on top of you, asserting some sort of dominance.

“Do I look like I understand anything about romance?!” You exclaimed and tried to get up but the dolls were surprisingly strong.

Something inside screamed danger and you felt the need to get away as quickly as possible. But you were frozen in fear of her hurting you. You shouldn’t fear her inflicting harm upon you yet, you did.

“It’s in human nature, self explanatory. Don’t act as if I didn’t miss that slip up the night she caught you staring at her painting. Remember I have eyes everywhere.” She observed your body language closely. “Geez you are hopeless, read a book or something! Listen up turtle dove, I care a great deal about Donna. We all do. I’ll let you in on a secret…” her face comes very closely,” we’re all a part of her. So if you hurt her in any way, we will SKIN YOU ALIVE.” You swore something poked through the cracks of her face but immediately disappeared. She jumped off you as well as the rest of her friends backed off. They left you alone in the room, alone to ponder your thoughts.

All except for one, Vivian. She gently approaches you, you crouch down to pick her up and notice a red rose in her hand.

“Now how did you get your hands on this? Maybe from Lady Dimitrescu’s castle?” You ask the doll as if it can answer. You have come to learn that Angie is the only one that can speak, the rest just whisper a bunch of nothings.

Love? Is this what I’m feeling? Why was Angie behaving so possessive and dominant? They’re all connected to her? Does… she feel the same? I mean I guess it would explain how close we’ve gotten. But could that be from her being alone all this time…

Why must this be confusing?

“Are you trying to help me, little one?” You look into Vivian’s lifeless eyes and somehow the silence is your answer.

~~~~

You decided to take Angie’s advice and do some research about love. There wasn’t a big selection, most of the library consisted of botanical or doll making. There was a dictionary with the definition of love but you were unsure if that is what you felt.

An intense feeling of deep affection.

You found nothing else on the basics of romance, at least human romance. Some books focusing on the behavior of animals mentioned how some species perform certain tasks to earn a loved one. Giving gifts, a series of dances, building houses…

“Dinner is ready.” Your lord’s voice travelled through the room, breaking your trance from the books.

“Excuse my tardiness, my lady. You should have gotten me.” You shut the book and quickly stood.

“You seemed focused, I didn’t want you to disturb you.” She reassured you. “What’s that on the desk?” She glances to the side, gesturing to the rose Vivan had given you earlier.

Some animals tend to present the other with gifts when winning a potential mate over.

“It’s a rose… for you.” You stretch your arm out to give her the rose.

She places it in her hands and twirls it around her fingers, “It’s lovely, thank you.”

“Well then, let’s get going.” You break the silence in the room and scurry out the roll and she follows behind.

You didn’t notice her and quickly took a glance at what you were reading about. You halted and waited for her, the two of you joined Angie in the dining room. The atmosphere during dinner was a little heavy, you practically ignored Angie the entire time and barely said a word.

That night she asked you to join her in bed again. You tried to refuse but gave in after she mentioned how you both knew the two of you got better nights rest in each other’s presence. She turned off the light before removing her veil and placing it on the side table. Right above your wooden box holding the encased flower crown. This time she layed on you, resting her head on the right side of your chest. Her arms were wrapped around your neck as yours were wrapped around her waist.

“Something’s been on my mind.” She tiredly spoke, breaking the silence.

“Enlighten me, my lady.” You mumble back.

“You kept that flower crown all this time. Why?”

“It reminded me of a better place while I lived with my family.” That word tasted bitter on your tongue. “The manor brought me so much happiness as a kid, it was a reminder the morning would be better. I just had to survive the night.”

“You kept it all this time.” You felt her left arm break away from your neck and caress your cheek.

“It’s precious to me, because… you gave it to me.” You felt her breath still for a moment.

“If I may, who is Pops? You mentioned his name after your attack?” She nuzzled her head into your chest, changing the subject.

“He was the head gardener, my caretaker while working here. He was like a father to me.” Her aroma filled your lungs with the smell of herbs. Her hair brushing up against your chin. You fought back the temptation to place a kiss upon her head.

“Why didn’t you live with him?”

“He said he couldn’t take care of me full time. No matter how. Much I pestered him, he never gave in. Enough about me, I’d like to ask you something.” You felt her muscles tense a little. “Have any idea where the lycans originated?”

You felt her shift a bit, she took a quick moment of silence. Trying to word her sentence correctly. “You’ll have to ask Heisenberg.”

After that the conversation ended and the air felt heavier. Your mind is still flooded with thoughts that kept you up for much longer than you anticipated. The sounds of the wind outside keep you company. Fear spreads throughout your body wondering where Angie could be lurking and what eyes are currently on you. Trying to gently sit up a little to look around and not disturb your lord was unsuccessful. The moment you began to gently sit up you felt your lord’s arms tighten and she shifted down slightly.

“ Stay…” Her voice was groggy and your heart exploded after hearing that. You shifted back into bed and held her tightly, encasing her with the same warmth she gave you. You placed a gentle kiss upon her head and fell asleep. Your hearts began to beat in sync.

Warm air kissed your skin and a fresh wind blew through your hair. Their air smelled of flowers, you felt the petals and dirt below your hands. The hard dirt pressing into your back and the coarse bits became irritating. Yet the warm air pushed you to keep your eyes shut for a bit longer, soaking in the sun made you feel calm.

The moment you opened your eyes the air turned cold and pain shot throughout your body. Your limbs were bruised, bartered, and branches pierced through your skin. The trees were covered in slow, a few water droplets falling onto your face. The ground below felt cold, the snow soaking your thin clothes. It became hard to breathe, the blood loss made your temperature drop tremendously. You were at the bottom of a steep hill, must have slipped and fallen down. Faint voices could be heard in the distance but due to the lack of energy and blood loss, it became hard to focus.

“What are you…?!” Someone was looking for you, a male voice. He was calling your name, somewhere above the hill. The more the voice called out, it became more familiar.

“P…Pop…?” Your voice was raspy and your throat was frozen dry.

Your body became weaker by the minute, you tried to reach your arm toward the sky but you couldn’t move it. YOU COULDN’T FEEL IT. You couldn’t move any body part, your breathing became heavy. Panic seeped into your bones but you couldn’t do anything. Hot tears made their way down your face as you tried to call out louder.

“P…pop…” Dammit you tried so hard to muster all your energy. “P…p… POPS!” Your lungs filled with air and you found the strength to shout, but only once. Then everything became dark and cold.

Although it was dark, you could hear voices talk around you. You recognize Pop’s and he was speaking to a woman. The woman’s voice was too quiet to hear who was speaking, but Pop kept begging her for something…

Before you could recognize the voice you shot awake. Sitting up and in a cold sweat. You reached around to search for your lord, but found nothing. The spot where she slept was cold which means she left quite some time ago. She did have the tendency to wake up early but typically you’d wake up a little before her. Must’ve slept in.

~~~~

That morning you traveled into the village to pick up some new clothes. But before you could reach the Duke, someone stopped you in your tracks by your old home…

“Oh my, is that really you?!” An elderly woman asks as she begins to walk to you, causing you to halt in your tracks.

“Do I know you?” You look down at the woman wearing a thick cloak with layers underneath. She appears to be holding some sort of walking stick with deer horns attached.

“Oh I just live a little bit across from you. Look how you’ve grown.” Her hand gestures up and down. “You look healthy, I’m surprised. I haven’t seen you for quite some time. I assumed you may have died, especially under your circumstances.”

“Yeah everything’s alright.” You said flatly, trying not to sound rude but you really needed to catch the Duke before he left.

“I assume you are able to escape the Beneviento Manor. Seeing as everyone else who worked there hasn't been seen again. Oh I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors about the lords and left as quickly as you could.” She looks up with concern and your mood shifts from annoyance to concern.

“My employment is none of your concern. But I highly suggest not speaking poorly about the lord's aloud, they seem to have eyes and ears everywhere. But if I hear anyone saying anything poorly about my lord, I am not afraid to silence them.” Your hands clutch at your sides.

“Wait… you're still on the land. After everything… why do you remain there?” She looks at you as if you have no head.

“I’ll tell you straight up, for as long as I can remember, no one in my entire life here cared about me. The servants and Beneviento Family did. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be on my way.” You walked quickly away from the woman. Her pleas to leave echoed as you continued to walk.

The one time you left Vivian at home because you were in a hurry. You needed to speak to someone, not the Duke though. He may be wise but that’s if you pay him enough and are only here for a pick up.

You knew about the few rumors about the lord's kidnapping villagers never to be seen again. Honestly after meeting all of them it wasn’t the most unbelievable thing. You couldn’t bring yourself to believe your lord would do such a thing. It didn’t seem true for her at least, now Maranda was a different story.

Why, now of all times, someone is trying to help me in this VILLAGE.

Memories of your childhood flooded your mind. You were surrounded by shadowed people with white smiles, eyes never looking your way, and a helping hand that never held itself out. Occasionally you’d hear children waking bad about your lord and mistress, the only times you’d ever engage in conversation with them. That conversation led to fist fights and questions thrown at you. Questions the children had as to why you served someone so disfigured. You never understood what they meant by that but the words filled you with rage.

Pops and the other servants would beg as to why your knuckles were blooded and bruised. Asked why your clothes and hair were messier than usual. No matter how much anger you harbored for anyone in the village you always smiled for the servants at the Beneviento Manor. Some of the women would kiss your wounds, promising it would help the healing process. Your mistress kissed the bruise on your check after explaining how you got so beat up. She called you her brave knight.

You rushed home as quickly as you could, almost tripping in the process. You burst into the manor and ran into the dining room where she was sitting at the table. They were startled by your entrance and both jerked towards the direction.

“Is everything alright?!” Anxiety soared.

Your attention was focused on your lady’s and only hers. You barely heard Angie’s shouting in the distance about leaving the door open and letting the cold air in.

You pushed past Angie and approached your lady. Her head tilted upwards to make eye contact with you. You placed your left hand on her waist, bringing her face closer to yours. While your right slithered up her arm, she shoulder and pushed the veil slightly to reveal her cheek. With all the confidence you had you placed a kiss upon her soft porcelain cheek, just like she did when the two of you were little.

#donna beneviento #angst #donna beneviento x reader #donna beneviento x oc #Donna beneviento fic #resident evil 8 fic #resident 8 fic

[anoradraws]

Z-Move with a Price (Part 2)

My first attempt at a P.O.V short story; hope you enjoy!

Summary: ‘While a battle you were forced to engage in pursues, your Z-Move attempt has mysteriously backfired... and now you have to pay for the consequences.’

⚠️WARNING:⚠️ Explicit language, mild violence and gore, slight sexual preferences. Read at your own caution.

At the famous Pokémon School on Melemele Island in the tropical region of Alola, Professor Kukui was holding a session for his students as he teaches often part-time at the school when he isn’t too busy at his laboratory home at the northwestern beaches on Hau'oli Outskirts.

For the subjects he was instructing to his peers at this moment were about Fighting Type Moves. “Okay now, who can tell me what effects the Fighting type move Mach Punch can have when battling against--”

The lessons were unfortunately cut short when Kukui and the students all hear a distant, yet terrifying scream outside the large building. Kukui looks out the balcony window and sees you gripping your Bulbasaur in your arms, frantically running ahead towards the school.

With a worried look now, Kukui rushes down the school building after telling his students to stay put in the classroom, and momentarily he approaches you, then he tries to calm you down as you now have exhausted yourself from running across the school yard after sending your Gengar back to his Ultra Ball once the three of you landed safely on Melemele Island.

You not only know Professor Kukui, but you were recently hired as his assistant at both his laboratory home and at the Pokémon School; you were actually transferred to Alola by Professor Oak of Kanto for researching on his behalf of the Island Challenge that is a generational tradition that goes on in Alola.

However, now was not the time for Island Challenges or Pokemon research assisting, you’re now too frightened of what had happened back in Malie City.

“(Y/N) what’s wrong?!” Kukui asked as he tries to calm you down. “What happened to you, you look frazzled?” 

Panicky, you cried with a hoarse voice. “HIDE ME, YA GOTTA HIDE ME PROFESSOR!!!!! HE’S AFTER ME!!!”

Kukui continues to calm you down and asked. “Whoa-ho, slow down cuz, who’s after you? What’re you talking about?”

Before you could manage to catch your breath to answer, you and Kukui hear a distant chant outside the school gates.

“TEAM SKULL!!! YO, YO, YO!!!”

Once more, you and your Bulbasaur screamed in terrible fright, realizing that Team Skull has somehow managed to find you after escaping Guzma. You accidently push Kukui away as you start running again while screaming.

“RRUUUUUUNNNN!!!!”

As you neared the entrance of the school, the students who were in Kukui’s class moments ago-- all the local team captains, a local but very shy peer, and an exchange student from Kanto-- Lana, Kiawe, Mallow, Sophocles, Lillie, and Ash all held looks of worry and went outside to see what the commotion was about, and following behind the students was a floating Pokedex possessed by a ghost type/electric type Pokémon called Rotom-- nicknamed Rotomdex, which in Alola has the ability to record information about any Pokémon known so far. 

Momentarily all the children and Rotomdex were suddenly breezed by by you who kept focused on hiding inside the school for protection. The kids manage to shrug off the sudden whizzing of you running inside the school, but felt confused to what was going on.

“Oh my, I wonder what could be troubling (Y/N)?” Lillie asked with a concerned voice.

“Whatever it is, it’s certainly chilling her to the bone.” Kiawe remarked as well.

The kids then hear the chanting of voices coming closer and nearing the gateway of the schoolyard. They rush within a few feet of Kukui’s location as he stands his ground; Team Skull made their way into the property, but this group was in smaller numbers and lead by another leader; she was almost the same height as Kukui, lean in appearance, four long pink and yellow pigtails tied with skull shaped hair pieces, wearing a similar set of clothes like black sweatpants with white zigzag lines on each sleeve, white sneakers, black tanktop with a cross wrap around her exposing waist with her lower abdomen tattooed with a large s-shaped skull (as it is the distinguished logo of Team Skull itself), and her accessories were only a small silver skull necklace and a black and white zigzag stripe wristband on her left wrist. 

The Team Skull administrator-- Plumeria-- orders the grunts to stand down for the time being while she approaches closer to Professor Kukui as he too stands in defense of what it is to come, but readies himself to hear what Plumeria had to say.

“So Kukui, where ya hiding her?” She asked with a calm and collected voice.

“Why are you even scaring her like this?” Kukui asked in a similar tone. “(Y/N) hasn’t done anything wrong-- to anyone or Pokémon alike.”

“Funny you had to mention that; but seriously, no one has meant to scare her, we just want her to come out and face her mistakes.”

“What did she even do to you to make you go out on a wild goose chase for her?”

“That’s something you’ll have to ask Guzma yourself once he gets here to come fetch (Y/N); this is between only him and her to work out.”

“I don’t understand.”

“No, of course you wouldn’t; but I guess that’s because she hasn’t told you what exactly happened back at Malie City, did she?”

Kukui just stood there with a continuous look of bewilderment.

The students and Rotom couldn’t help but overhear the conversation for several more minutes until one of the female grunts looks over at the schoolyard gateway and calls out for Plumeria.

“Bis Sis, look! It’s the Boss!” She cried with an excited tone.

Everyone looks onward to see Guzma finally arriving with four more grunts escorting him, with nearly the entire organization all gathered to witness some sort of showdown between Guzma himself and of course you. Guzma still held a discontented look of determination, expecting any results his second in command may have gotten so far; Kukui however would once again make a confrontation as he asks Guzma of the current situation.

“Plumeria was just explaining how (Y/N) managed something horrible while she was battling against you. Is this really true, especially coming from you? What exactly did (Y/N) do during the battle that made you want to chase her?”

There was a slight moment of silence, but an eerie one at that; Guzma looks up at Kukui despite how annoying he is to him, but Kukui isn’t the focus-- for now-- as his emotions of anger, fury, hatred, but most of all a glimmer of anguish and gloom wells up inside him as he slowly starts to pull out his prized pokeball to reveal something even he wouldn’t expect, especially after whatever occurred at Malie City.

“What did she do?” Guzma provoked as his voice turned up louder while pulling out his pokeball. “What. Did SHE. DO?!?” 

“I’LL SHOW YOU WHAT SHE DID!!!!!”

Guzma’s pokeball opens and out comes one of the most gruesome and grisly appearances on a Pokémon anyone has ever seen.

There it was, Guzma’s most prized and beloved Golisopod; lying weakly on the ground with multiple pieces of his shells torn off, blood seeping through the cracks of what’s supposed to be his tough as diamonds armor, scratches that were nearly deep to his veins, one or two of his small legs were torn from the ligaments, his claws were deeply chipped and torn, and on of his long feelers on the top of his head were bent and bleeding.

The poor thing was literally dying!

Just the sheer appearance of the Golisopod in this gory mess made a couple of the students feel nauseous-- especially poor Sophocles who turned to a nearby bush and threw up after seeing such a gruesome sight. It was all indefinitely too much to take in as a reality, but if this is what you truly did to this Golisopod, then what is wrong with you to do such a horrific crime like this?

Kukui couldn’t believe it either, but there was Golisopod in his most vulnerable and bloodied appearance he’s never seen before. He cries out to one of the students to go fetch an emergency kit while asking Guzma once more.

“How did this happen?!”

Almost immediately Guzma answered with a stern voice. “It was one of her precious Z-Moves that did this!”

“A Z-Move? No way!” Ash remarked as he remembers the last time he fought Guzma with a Z-Move, which brings Rotomdex to recall the memory. 

“Bzzztt! But that’s Impozzzible; the lazzt time Ash used a Z-Move against Golisopod, it withstood the attack! How did (Y/N)’s Z-Move managed-- THIZZZ?!? DOES NOT COMPUTE!”

“This is EXACTLY what happens when you rely on old trials and traditions a little too much!” Guzma provoked. “You think Z-Moves can solve all your problems? Take a real good look kids; you don’t use your moves properly, this is what happens!”

Kukui stops Guzma from his exasperation while one of the students comes back with the emergency kit, but somehow, Kukui thought, Guzma may be right on this one-- at least when it comes to the possibility that using Z-Moves may result in a literal cataclysmic backfire during a battle, especially with the battle you and Guzma apparently went through.

While tending to some of Golisopod’s wounds, and feeding some healing berries to keep his strength up, Mallow asks Guzma with slight annoyance in her tone. “Why don’t you take your Golisopod to the Pokemon Center? Why get (Y/N) involved in all this if this was just an accident?”

“Like I said to your teacher here,” Plumeria remarked. “This is between (Y/N) and Guzma only;” She looks up at Kukui once more as she mentions with a slight mock about a code of honor between trainers and Pokémon. 

“Since (Y/N) is the one responsible for Golisopod’s condition, shouldn’t she at least take action along with his trainer to take care and help heal Golisopod? Especially when after using a backfired Z-Move to cause all this?”

Kukui held an annoyed look by Plumeria’s explanation, but at the same time she’s right; you may have done nothing too illegal in the Pokemon battle against Guzma, but whatever triggered your move to a nearly unstable condition for Golisopod to go through right now, it is you who have to take the responsibility for this damage, even if it’s for bad people like Team Skull-- and their leader, Guzma.

Plumeria orders the grunts to leave the school property along with her as she tells Guzma. “We’ll meet you at the Pokémon Center in Iki Town once you get (Y/N) out of hiding, Boss.”

Once Plumeria and the grunts leave, Kukui stares down at the bloody Golisopod in worry, and then looks back up at Guzma with a stern expression as he spoke once more.

“You will be taking your Golisopod to the Pokémon Center, will you?”

“Of course I will;” Guzma interrupted with an obvious answer, and with deep concern for Golisopod’s health, knowing full well how strong his beloved fighter is despite holding on for dear life; and while he was secretly grateful the kids manage to pitch in with the attention, he still held a deep loathing of you as he continued. “But not until (Y/N) gets her ass out here, sees the mess she’s caused, and take full responsibility for this!”

Kukui sighed. “Alright, at least let me have a talk with (Y/N); I’ll see if I can manage to bring her out here without you trying to scare her off again.”

While Kukui returns to the school building, the students continued to help Golisopod keep his strength up with the emergency healing kit nearing empty of its supplies, and Guzma stands where Kukui was, patiently waiting for him to return with you by his side.

----------

Kukui rushes upstairs to his classroom in hopes to find you hidden somewhere; he looks around, calling out your name a few times, and momentarily you make a small squeak of where you’re hiding as you hear Kukui’s voice. Kukui looks under the main desk and finds you with your legs curled up and your Bulbasaur nestling close to you for comfort and to calm you while you both hide from the wrath that is Guzma.

Kukui kneels on one knee and explains the whole situation that had happened earlier. “Guzma and Plumeria told me you did something horrible while performing a Z-Move during a battle; but I want to hear it from you (Y/N), is this really true, did you cause Golisopod to be in this... well, a bloody mess?”

The images of the injured Golisopod and the events that happened at Malie City haunts you deeply; you still don’t know what or how it happened, but it did, and by the sheer frightful and regretful look you give to Kukui, he now realizes the truth; that Golisopod’s dying is your fault.

“... So it is true?!” Kukui asked with shock in his eyes.

You try to explain yourself with tears welling up in your eyes but you try to fight off the crying, and knowing now that running away will not make this situation go away. “I-I don’t even know what happened; I-I didn’t mean to, it was an accident, I was only--” You trembled once more as the image of Golisopod being threateningly destroyed by the explosion of you Z-Move creeps back to you. “Oh Arceus, what have I done?! I-I didn’t know-- Guzma may be an ass, but I didn’t want this-- I-I d-didn’t even think this would actually happen-- I-I didn’t...”

Kukui tries to calm you down as well as your Bulbasaur purrs and coos to make you comfortable again. Momentarily you instinctively apologize to Kukui.

“I-I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Kukui rejects with a reply, but with only a small regret to what was obvious. “No, don’t apologize to me (Y/N); it’s Guzma you should apologize to.”

You look up at your mentor after he mention’s Guzma, now feeling more nervous than ever before.

----------

Outside the campus, Guzma still stands partially impatient for you to come out of the school to face him and his dying Golisopod, while the students manage to help what could be done for Guzma’s Golisopod before he would be transferred back to his pokeball for the Pokemon Center later. Then, one of the students notice Kukui walking out of the building with your Bulbasaur following by his side, and also you who walk behind him so you couldn’t really see Guzma eye to eye just yet, but Guzma knows you’re there and well on your way towards him.

Once you and Kukui stopped within a foot of Guzma, Kukui tells the students to go ahead and back away from Golisopod so Guzma could prepare the transfer back to the pokeball, and you needing to apologize. Kukui guides you to step closer to Guzma despite you have a bad feeling where this is going next; but you try to buck up, inch closer to the intimidating gang boss, and finally give a heartfelt apology, while seeing with your own eyes the critical injury on Golisopod.

“Guzma, I... I’m so sorry about all this; truly, I am.”

Guzma’s eyes twitch in annoyance and rage instead; he suddenly grabs you by the collar of your hoodie shirt, nearly lifting you off the ground to really face him eye to eye, and then he yells at you as he had other plans besides taking Golisopod to the Pokémon Center.

“I DON’T JUST WANT YOUR APOLOGY (Y/N); YOU’RE COMING WITH ME TO THE POKEMON CENTER WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, AND YOU’RE GOING TO FIX THIS ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!!!!!”

The students try to stop Guzma as they thought he was going to physically harm you, but Kukui tells them to stay back while Guzma remarks as he takes out his pokeball to transfer his Golisopod back.

“DON’T TRY ANYTHING STUPID KUKUI; THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND (Y/N), OR YOU’LL REGRET IT!!!” Guzma cries once more after sending his Golisopod back into his pokeball.

Kukui keeps his students back away from you and Guzma and doesn’t say another word. 

Guzma grabs your left wrist and grips you tightly to make sure you wouldn’t get away again, and the both of you start to walk out of the school property while your Bulbasaur follows behind.

Part 1 | Part 2 (You are here)| Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Epilogue 

#Pokémon #ANoraDraws #Pokémon Literature #Fan Fiction #AND Stories #Part 2 #Short Stories #POV #Pokémon Sun and Moon #Pokémon Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon #Team Skull #Guzma #Plumeria #Bulbasaur #Golisopod

[coldercreation]

skdjaks im catching up on ur recent posts cuz ive been inactive on tumblr, and i came across the one where u and some ppl in the replies lament on loving the idea of relationships but never developing crushes rlly and finding it hard to date and whatnot, and damn i relate. i was gonna comment but i wanna stay anon for now, so i am in ur inbox instead huhu. but yh i deal w the same thing, ppl have had crushes on me before, but ive never once returned them? and like even if i find someone attractive as far as i know that doesn’t translate to wanting to bone… blech. i was talking to my friend abt this yesterday, and i was telling her that maybe ill try just going on dates and figure out how i tick?? general research has led me to id as demi after contemplating ace when i was like 13 so,,, who knows rlly. tldr i am similar and i get being confused abt it H

Ohh this is so interesting actually! Like, I genuinely wasn't expecting that so many of you would relate when I wrote that post??🤔 Obviously I knew that there's no way that I'm the only one on this whole planet, but still, seems a lot more common than what I had thought!

I'd like to think that it's very much okay to be confused by these kinds of things, no matter how frustrating it can also be. That's pretty much what I've been telling myself recently. Even if I'd like to find someone I really connect with and to have a relationship, there's no rush or need to force anything immediately just for the sake of it. Maybe it can even be fun to explore with time, and to figure out those things that will make us tick?

For me it's probably more about working on my social life in general than about anything else. Especially since the apps clearly don't do it for me and there's not really any other ways to meet new people. But I'm kinda feeling optimistic about it, mostly because I've been enjoying being social so much more lately!

Thank you for sharing love! This topic has been so interesting and I've enjoyed hearing everyone's experiences xx

///

Huge RAMBLE warning lmao:

I actually brought this topic up in therapy after we chatted about it here, kinda just theorised about it while trying to make sense of it all. My/our conclusion was that, for me, it could stem from ✨trauma✨ and needing a lot of time to truly open up/warm up to people (demi?/trust issues/hyper-independence). And since the societal norm is to often move a lot faster than that, I haven't even had the time to see the possible connection/spark/whatever in people, because they've already deducted, based on me having been very cautious and closed off, that I'm not interested, and so they moved on. Which in turn could've made me feel unwanted or uninteresting or unattractive or even abandoned, y'know? So I'd be left confused, feeling like there was something wrong and unattractive? about me, while also wondering why I'm never actually interested in anyone even though I've always longed for those deep connections with people.

Nowadays I've been feeling a lot lighter and... open? I guess, and I can genuinely see a change in the way people approach me? Or maybe they've always approached me the same way but I just wasn't able to be receptive to it🤔 Dunno! But there must've been some sort of micro-visible behavioural shift in me or something, because as soon as I have started to feel like I can and want to seek out people's company and I genuinely enjoy it, people are just... suddenly there? Whereas before there was this void?? Even when I tried to change that.

And despite me not having met anyone specific I'd be interested in dating, I have felt like I could actually do it now if the right person came along. (When I tried dating through apps years ago I felt like I was forcing it. It was very surface level and short lived, didn't feel... right?) And with that 'shift', or whatever it is that's changed in my behaviour??? I've literally been dodging date invites this past year like it's a sport???? Like tf?😭😂 This is mind boggling to someone who has for years thought that no one just gives a shit about me and there's something so unattractive about me that that's why no one shows any interest... But I think it really is a lot to do with some strange subtle messages that were given off? (and maybe also me leaving the house sometimes lmao....) I believe I wrote it in one of the more brainy stories as well, maybe CYE?, that if someone's whole body language, subconsciously or not, screams 'leave me the fuck alone', people are likely to leave them alone. And if we're not aware that that's the message we're giving off, it can very easily make us feel confused and like something's inherently wrong with us.

But then again, I don't think I would've been ready for anything like this a few years back, so perhaps the brains are smarter than we think and know that it takes time to heal. My therapist agreed that not having crushes could be due to so many things, but what I was saying did track to him. Slow to warm up/demi? + (social) anxiety + trauma are a hell of a combo when it comes to building new relationships. No matter why I'm not having crushes easily, he told me to take it easy on myself and to be understanding; after dealing with mental health crap and trauma for most of my life, it'd be very unreasonable to compare myself to the societal 'standards' or expect myself to do things in the same phase as other people are. Like, I had other shit to deal with growing up, so maybe I'm just now feeling like I'm ready to be myself, and it's okay to take things slow.

(And while writing that, speaking about people suddenly being there when before I felt like no matter what I tried, I was struggling to connect with people; I just got a thank you text from someone I helped at work when they were upset about something, and they said they'd love to see me (this one is in a friend way, not a date way) outside of work sometime as well :((((( is it weird if I cry lmaooo) xx

#apologies for possible incoherent writing hahaha #I word vomited but now feel too lazy to check if it makes any sense #SORRY ANON for using your ask to ramble :'O #I found this topic so interesting though #and figured maybe my therapy ramble could be insightful for someone else too when it comes to this #obviously this is very strongly tied to just my own experience #and to my interactions with my personal therapist #so keep that in mind #maybe you can relate to some of this #or none of this #that's okayyy #we all have our own journeys!<3 #Thank you anon again for sharing #and for everyone who's shared on this topic #xx

[thedovahcat]

it’s december!

Was thinking about my assessment next month and I'm kind of a lot worried ...

About being too performative and masking a lot of my behaviors in front of a specialist. I can look at someone in the eye if I force myself to, I can keep my hands still if I force myself to, I can usually try to keep all my freaky lil’ ticks managed and I won’t really tip people off to any weirdness I think (in person anyway)... Like...

I dunno, what if I do it too well in trying to hide it all and nothing goes amiss?? Or, if they still manage to see through it, what if they just give me an answer akin to 'Well you're a little this...." but then say they gotta keep testing and just charging me more money, or their opinion ends up being not right at all, or some other third thing? I don't want to keep having to pay for this just to be strung along with maybes... Though I think by then it will have been my own fault for trying to ACT normal... (I’m tacking on a lot of information to these paragraphs after the fact so if the sudden flow or tone shifts drastically, quickly, sorry)

It's kinda fucked cuz in that sense I DO hope I get diagnosed with something, I know I have habits and experiences that definitely are not considered ‘normal’, so surely there must be something going on... Parents being parents love loading me up with doubts and such about how if I don't get a dx then my money will have been wasted. Even though they think I'm perfectly normal.

So I'm at a point now where I'm wondering... would I really not care as much as I say so if I received a "is perfectly normal" diagnosis?? Will I feel like I wasted my time and money and like the fool for it? Humiliation and embarrassment abound? Yes I do realize I’m getting an assessment done for a much lower price than some people have! (Under 1500) but still, all out of pocket when you have no job is still very ouchy, savings or not.

I don't know. This has been a very frustrating and confusing, and so far short, journey. I have a lot to say and this is more than I could ever relay out loud in person but man it's like my head's fulla bees on this one. It's a weird thing.

Is an hour really long enough for a trained doctor or whatever to know if an adult is autistic or has something else or not? Circling back around... part of me wants to really play up habits I already do, to make sure they're seen. The other part of me says thats dishonest and will skew results.

I don't know. I'm conflicted. I doubt I'm the only one who's ever felt this way though.I had a lot more I was going to type but I’ve forgotten at least half of it by now so I guess it’ll do.

[sungbeam]

today’s your first day right ??? i’m probably a lil bit late but gl with your classes today !! <333 i hope everything runs smoothly and i’m sending you all the virtual hugs rn 🫂🫂🫂 but ah, physics. pls i was never a science person, so i feel you 😭 it’s ok tho, i’m sure you’ll do just fine. and humanities wow !! pls i was never much of a humanities person either 😭 so that’s admirable honestly 😭 i hope you have a lot of fun !! not just in hum but also physics !! and just all your classes in general ^_^

thank youuu !! the program, like i said, allows me to go at my own pace, so rlly it could be as short or as long as i’d like, but average is supposed to be 6 months skdjdkd and i started it back in january bc my dad encouraged me to but that was obviously when i still had about 6 months of school left djsjsjsk so i obviously prioritized my actual school over this program since i could take my time with it anyway, and it’s rlly inexpensive which is nice. but yeah my goal is to complete then certificate within the next few months to hopefully get a ux design job by like ,, february or so ?? but yeah :D

and oooh the medical field ok i see you 👀 that’s actually rlly cool and is also smth i wish i was interested in bc i love that you get to help so many ppl !! but unfortunately there’s a lot of things that gross me out bc i’m rlly sensitive to certain things 😭😭 sksjsj which is why i rarely watch medical shows sksjksk but i’m glad that’s smth you could possibly pursue !! wishing you the best, whether you decide to go into that field or find smth even better for you on the way 🙏🏻 i’m sure whatever you choose tho will be a good decision :) also gl again on your classes today !! have fun !!

THANK YOUUU (_ _;) just had my first class which was english so it was really chill, and i have a history class in the afternoon (phys tmr sjxnskndjd) so v chill first day lmao but omg EM !! i made another friend today 🥺🥺🥺 i feel like i unknowingly target the chinese-speaking girls 😭😭😭 but she looked really confused and lost and i felt that, and ig it also helps that i speak chinese skxndnfk but she told me after class that she thought i was pretty and i went (´Д⊂ヽ ME????? ME ???!?!?!? like she's so pretty too tf and i feel bad cuz my chinese sucks :') but yeah i hope she doesn't drop out cries

ooh six months !! yes def take ur time w it and that's so great that it's inexpensive like my wallet and my mom's wallet r crying from uni expenses :') sometimes i wonder if i made the right choice picking this school, but i remind myself to make the most of it 😔✨ hope u get the best job and by february as well !! manifesting great things bc i see u doing great things in the future 🙏🏼 what made u want to pursue a career in this industry? do u like coding or compsci things :0 (dunno if im even in the right BALLPARK tbh but pls do educate me TT)

tysmm yeah kind of on the fence abt medicine rn but i really do love helping people :') it's like one of the two major factors that convinced me this was a worth-it path to pursue (?) but yeah, the cards have not fully been revealed just yet and my mom's hoping i can miracle my way into graduating in three years so i can have a gap year btwn med school and undergrad (which would be nice too but we'll see haha)

#sungbeam strikes again #em 🍪 #moot ❧