#of when you've been in a relationship for so long that it becomes a central facet of your identity

[septembercfawkes]

7 (More) Things I Wish I'd Known as a Beginning Writer

Last time I shared seven things I wish I'd known as a beginning writer. Unsurprisingly, that wasn't an exhaustive list, and I've been thinking about it some more. So, I present to you, seven more things I wish I'd known as a beginning writer. . . .

1. The Central Relationship Needs an Arc and an Actual Plot

Many of us have been told we need a relationship plotline in our stories, but few of us have received any guidance on how to actually do that (unless, of course, you are writing romance).

And in my first novel attempt, back in the day, the central relationship was not romantic. I had an idea for what the relationship was like, but partway through the story, it wasn't working. And it was becoming super annoying.

What I didn't realize was that it was annoying because it was mostly static. Nothing was changing. The characters weren't growing closer together or further apart. Instead of the relationship plotline having "peaks" and "valleys," it was mostly just a straight line.

Of course, I knew it was going to change at the end.

But what I didn't understand was that it still needed a plot through the middle. 🤦‍♀️ Which means it still needed the basics of plot: goal, antagonist, conflict, consequences.

Not just interesting interactions and conversations. Not just banter and pastimes.

In my last post, I mentioned the three basic types of goals: obtain, avoid, maintain.

Well, in relationship plots, this translates into these three basic goals: grow closer to the person (obtain), push further away from the person (avoid), maintain the relationship as is (maintain).

The antagonistic force is whatever gets in the way of that. If your protagonist wants to draw closer to this person, then an antagonistic force should be pushing him away. If he wants to be apart from this person, then the antagonistic force should be pushing him closer. If he wants to maintain the relationship as is, then the antagonistic force is what disrupts that. This creates conflicts and should lead to consequences. 

If you have a relationship plotline, it needs an actual plot.

2. Choose a Tentative Theme Early, to Better Shape and Evaluate Your Story

If you've been following me for a while, you probably know I consider these three things to be the triarchy (formerly known as "trinity") of storytelling: character, plot, and theme. 

Each of these elements comes out of and influences the others.

This also means you can use each of these to help shape and evaluate the quality of the others.

It's much easier to write a solid story when you understand all three.

If you have only one or two pieces, it's harder to discern which ideas are just okay and which ideas are great. It's harder to discern what does or does not belong in your story.

The best ideas for your story are going to come from and touch each of those three things.

Most beginners are familiar with concepts of characters and plot.

Few know anything about theme.

And fewer still have the desire to learn anything about theme. It's often seen as unimportant or something that "just happens." Okay, sure, it could just happen. Maybe. 

But writing your story will (in the long run) be much easier if you at least understand some basics about theme.

I have so much to say on theme, it could probably fill up a book (and maybe someday it will), but for now, if you want more information on it . . . I'd recommend starting with this article: The Secret Ingredients for Writing Theme. It breaks down the key elements of theme, which can give you a good foundation.

Even if your theme ends up changing a bit, starting with an idea in mind will help keep your story on track.

3. Your Story Needs a Counterargument

Remember when I was talking about theme, and implied I wasn't going to go into it that much more? Well . . . I guess I'm going to go into it a little more.

The thematic statement is the argument the story is making about life.

But it's not really an argument if no one is disagreeing.

This means your story needs a counterargument (I call this the "anti-theme").

This counterargument will often manifest within the protagonist (as a "flaw" or misbelief or something the character needs to cast off or overcome) and/or within the main antagonistic force. 

It can technically show up in other places and in other ways, but let's keep this basic.

So if your story ultimately shows the audience that it's best to be merciful, then a counterargument for that could be that it's best to enforce justice (Les Mis).

If your story ultimately shows the audience that it's best to ask for, give, and receive help, then a counterargument for that could be that it's best to avoid, withhold, and refuse help and do everything yourself (A Man Called Otto).

If your story ultimately shows the audience that it's best to rely on faith, then a counterargument for that could be that it's best to rely on technology (Star Wars IV: A New Hope).

The two arguments are locked in a "battle" of sorts, similar to how the protagonist and antagonist are, because they are in opposition to one another (see #5 in previous article).

The arguments need to be "shown" more than "told." And the counterargument should be given fair weight, because doing so will actually make the whole theme (and plot and characters) stronger.

Here are some examples to think about:

4. Writing More isn't Enough to Take Your Work to a Professional Level

We are often told that if we want to be great writers, we need to write more. And this is true. To an extent. 

I've worked with writers who had been writing for decades, but were still at a beginner level.

I have known writers who bent over backward to meet word count goals, only to end up with a pile of slush they couldn't see their way out of.

I myself have spent enormous amounts of time and words trying to write something brilliant.

But for the vast majority of people, putting in the time and word count isn't enough.

What is the point of clocking in more and more hours and typing more and more words if you don't know how professional-level stories actually work?

Don't get me wrong--you absolutely need to put in time and words, and they absolutely will help you improve! And yes, quantity can improve quality.

But also remember this: You don't know what you don't know.

And if you are practicing imperfectly, that doesn't guarantee that one day it's going to be perfect.

If I have lousy technique every time I go bowling (and frankly, I do), that doesn't guarantee I'm going to get any better if I don't know what I'm doing wrong or how to improve or what good technique looks like--no matter how much time I put in.

This is sadly usually true for writing.

I'm not saying that no one gets to the professional level by only clocking in writing hours, but just that . . . I don't think most of us do. And I think some of us could spend decades clocking in the hours, and really, just be spinning our hamster wheels because we don't know what we don't know--we don't know why professional stories are professional level, so we don't know how to improve.

Hands-on practice is vital.

But so is education.

Sometimes it's actually more beneficial to learn about the craft from someone than to complete your Xth writing sprint to meet your word count goal.

If I could speak to my past self, I would tell beginner me to spend more time studying the craft. In the long run, it would have actually helped me get better easier and much faster than clocking in another hour of writing (that would have ended up in the garbage bin anyway). I've put in a lot of hours that didn't get me very far because I didn't fully understand where I was trying to get, or how.

There is always more you can learn. And especially in the writing world, there is always another perspective to learn what you think you already know. Many writers talk about the same subjects, but come at them from different angles, and learning even those different angles can help you refine your understanding of that subject.

I'm not going to say that tomorrow you have to sign up to take a bunch of courses (though you can if you want), but make time to learn about the craft regularly. You may want to ask yourself: Is it better for me right now to write for an hour or to learn for an hour?

5. Conflict for the Sake of Conflict is Actually Filler--You Need Consequences!

There is an adage in the writing community, which is that story = conflict.

And once again, it's true. To an extent.

But adding a bunch of conflict isn't enough to make a story good.

If the conflict doesn't change anything--if it doesn't have at least the power to change any outcomes, then what is the point? It's just stuff happening.

Who cares if a bomb is going to go off, if no one or nothing significant is in danger of being blown up?

Conflicts need consequences to be meaningful.

It's really the consequences that hook and draw readers into the story. Or at least, the potential consequences. It's potential consequences that make up the stakes in the story.

And they draw the audience in because the audience wants to see if what could happen actually does happen. 

Once the audience understands the potential consequences (the stakes), they care about the conflict, because how the conflict is resolved will affect what happens next. The conflict now has significance because it changes the direction of the story, it changes the future.

Consequences also improve the story by strengthening a sense of cause and effect.

As I touched on in my previous post (see #4), random bad things happening is actually less effective (and makes characters less sympathetic). And random good things happening is also less effective (and makes characters less admirable). Instead, it's better if the bad and good things that happen come as a consequence to how a conflict was resolved.

This often happens even at a scene level. Just as nearly every scene should have a goal and antagonist, nearly every scene should have conflict. How that conflict is resolved in that scene should also carry consequences and affect what's going to be happening in the near future of the story (generally speaking).

Consequences also allow the audience to experience tension, which, as counterintuitive as it sounds, can be more effective than outright conflict. Tension is the potential for problems to happen. Conflict is actual problems happening. Tension makes the audience feel suspense. But suspense often only exists because the audience understands the potential consequences (the stakes) in play.

If there are no known consequences, then the conflict often doesn't really matter to the audience, because they can't see how it will change anything significantly.

6. Starting in Medias Res is Actually Harder, not Easier

A lot of beginning writers struggle with beginnings--which makes sense, because they can be very difficult to write.

And so a lot of beginning writers are told to open their stories in medias res, which translates to "in the midst of things." This basically means you open the story up with some form of rising action (conflict)--usually it's that scene's rising action (see #2 in my previous post).

In other words, you are essentially cutting off the scene's setup.

While this can be effective, and while I may be unpopular in my opinion, I don't feel that it makes things easier. In fact, more often than not, I think it's actually harder to start in medias res.

This relates to what we just talked about above in #5.

When we start a scene in medias res, we are starting with conflict, but if the audience doesn't know why the conflict matters, then it won't hold them for very long.

When you cut off the setup of a scene, you now have to find a way to convey who is there, where is "there," what is there, when, and why we care (the why is the stakes).

--all without slowing the pacing.

This is why I think it's often (though not always) more difficult.

Now don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying you can't start in medias res, or that you shouldn't start in medias res.

I'm just saying it's tricky.

Instead, I would personally recommend starting just before the scene's conflict. Start early enough to give the audience context to understand what is about to go down: where and when the scene takes place, who is there, what the goal is, and what the potential consequences are. Make the setup long enough to convey the important stuff, but short enough to stay interesting.

Then get to the scene's conflict, the rising action.

You can read more than you probably want to know about in medias res here.

7. Yes, You Really Need to Do That If You Want to Write at a Professional Level

This last thing is pretty nonspecific, as it's not about one particular piece of writing advice. When I started taking writing seriously and going to conferences and listening to podcasts and what have you, I often felt skeptical of what I heard. Now, sometimes that skepticism served me well (and has led to many of my blog posts), but other times that skepticism held me back. What's the difference?

Being skeptical of "writing rules" has, in the long (long) run, served me well, because it has actually led me to better understand the rules, why they are rules, how they work, and how and when to break them.

But sometimes it wasn't that I was skeptical of the rule itself. It was that I was skeptical that I needed to do X at all. I was skeptical that professionals actually did X.

For example, I would hear about Swain's scene structureand think, Yeah, there is no way most people actually do all this and put all this thought into their scenes. 

Or I would run into a breakdown of character arcs and think, Yeah, there is no way most people actually do all these things to write a great character arc.

And in the community, I have brushed up against this same mentality from others. Viewpoint is a popular subject. "Do I really need to be in one character's viewpoint at a time?" or "Is it really that big of a deal that I described the viewpoint character's face?"

And I'm like . . . on the one hand, no, and on the other hand, well yes--if you want to write at a professional level and be competing professionally.

Not that no professional ever varies from that, but just that those are exceptions that prove the point.

And it's not even that every professional is consciously doing X thing. They may be doing it subconsciously. But X thing usually still needs to be there, for the story to sound professional.

So yes, you really do need to do X thing if you want to be writing at a professional level.

If you don't care about writing at a professional level, then obviously you don't have to. It's totally valid to write for a hobby or just for fun.

Now I will echo what I said last time. If I had waited until I understood all these things to start writing, I would have been waiting forever. And some things I would have never properly understood without the actual writing process. Yes, we need to be educated on how stories work, but it's also important to sit down and write.

#writing tips #writing tips and tricks #writing help #writeblr #writing advice #writer #writing reference #writing tip #writing

[weebsinstash]

I've talked about romantic/sexual yandere Miguel being goaded on by an alternate of himself or another you, but, I'm also thinking about platonic yandere parental/guardian Miguel getting a little 'push' to realize he wants you to play a more central role in his life, either from being in competition with an alternate of his or outright being told by his alternate that it's what he should do

You're just in the Spider Society minding your own business and you see Miguel talking to, Another Miguel, but this one has glasses or a beauty mark or some distinguishing feature. The two of them are discussing anomalies and "the fate of the multiverse" and other such serious topics when you stroll by, giving a wave and such as hello when the second Miguel actually pauses their conversation to greet you, actually being, well, much like YOUR Miguel with his occasional sarcastic snark but, friendlier, introducing himself to you, shaking your hand, asking you questions like how old you are, how long have you been a Spider, etc, amd you're ready to start cracking jokes about how, maybe you'll start spending time with this new Miguel instead since 'yours' is suddenly so grumpy, when. Oh dear, the awkward thing happens. Here comes the other you, bounding right up to the other Miguel, "Papá, there you are 🥰 this place is like a maze and I got lost looking for you, dont leave me behind again 🥺"

Both you and Miguel are watching your alternates interact, actually silently internally in some weird sort of agreement with "this is kind of weird but also oddly wholesome... what the fuck, why do I want what they have..." but it's just. It's also just a little weird. You're literally watching another you cuddle up to another version of your boss, calling the man their dad, acting like they're legitimately his child, with the other man actually being genuinely caring and considerate back. Eventually in private Dad!Miguel asks Miguel about his relationship with you and is basically met with "what relationship. That's just my coworker" as Dad!Miguel rolls his eyes at his emotionally constipated alternate who's apparently going to need a little encouragement

Part of me is like, what if some bullshit happens like, Dad!Miguel is all "oh yeah well if you have such a handle on things and think they can take care of themself without any support or guidance, what are they doing right now" and Miguel is all huffy and all FINE LETS SEE, IM SURE THEYRE FINE and goes to, use his monitors or whatever to spy on you and, you're having like a mental episode, a real crying session, some real boo hoo sobbing and maybe even cutting yourself as Miguel is "coincidentally" having an epiphany that, hey, maybe you DO need an extra mentor figure in your life... maybe he can... ask you about your day and stuff? Dad!Miguel over here ready to rip his hair out as he realizes your Miguel went through all the second universe stuff and is now an emotionally bottled mess and, in a way needs you as much as you need him

Whether to encourage his alternate or help you since you resemble 'his child', despite all awkward differences, Dad!Miguel sees that you're lonely and struggling and, kinda partially adopts you, becoming something of a mentor, checking in on you, scolding you to est something when his advanced hearing picks up on your stomach growling, making small talk, little things like that, but routinely, becoming a bit of a fixture in your life

Months down the line your Miguel is minding his own business having a pretty ok day and he rounds the corner and. It's Dad! Miguel, convincing you to let him comb your hair because you ran out of the house without doing anything with it first and you've been kind of stressed and tired. Miguel just starting to kind of feel what can only be identified as envy and jealousy as he watches Dad!Miguel spending time with you, "so, are you graduated by now? My child (the other you) is still in university right now" "oh no, I'm not really doing college" "what, but you're so smart! I think you can do anything you put your mind to--"

Miguel turns his back and next time he turns around, Dad!Miguel is getting you gifts for your birthday and it turns out he regularly visits you. The original man's strolling through the lobby and suddenly he sees you with his alternate that he's really starting to hate and, are you speaking Spanish? Since when did you learn Spanish? Did he TEACH you? Have you been spending so much time together that the other him even had that opportunity?

He's just standing there watching Dad!Miguel like, braid your hair or help clean your glasses or do something that's like, platonic but personal, caring, affectionate, and suddenly your Miguel is having the realization, "did this bitch just steal you right under my nose. Did he just baby code MY baby 😤"

Miguel overhears you happily call his alternate Tío and, that's it, he gets so mad he confronts the other him about it in private basically then and there, the other man basically just like "well clearly YOU weren't giving them the support they needed--" and proceeding to give advice on how to get close to you, things you're stressed about and struggling with, things you were too shy and scared to open up about to the original Miguel or anyone who isn't a trusted friend

An alternate version of the YouTwo disaster where YouTwo wants to steal your life because you "stole their dad" when Dad!Miguel spends time with you and they assume they're being replaced out of jealousy, or maybe he even outright wants you for himself, or maybe Dad!Miguel outright meets his unfortunate end in an unrelated villain thing and YouTwo comes to steal YOUR "dad". YouTwo who's more unhinged than ever because their Miguel kind of "broke them in" to be their loving little child and doesn't handle either being replaced or losing the only loved one and source of support they cared about

Of course this is to say, it would DEFINITELY be "unfortunate" if you and Dad!Miguel got so, so close and, then suddenly the man dies and is violently ripped from your life just when you're starting to heal and be happy again and, suddenly you're so heartbroken and vulnerable and, THIS is the moment when your Miguel finally steps up to the plate to truly take care of you amd fully assimilate into your life. You're breaking down sobbing, literally the kind of crying where you can't even stand, you just collapse, and, here he is to pick you up and hold you, embrace you, shoosh you gently and rub your back and let you cry while he helps you feel safe again. He's sorry he's late, but he's here now, so let Papá give you nice big hugs while you cry and then take you back home, ok? His home. Technically YOUR home now, that the two of you share. You'll get served all your favorite foods and made sure you're looked after and, when its time for bed and you get those violent nightmares and images of how your beloved Tío was killed right in front of you and can't manage to sleep, your Papá is there to help hold you and comfort you until you're finally softly snoring in his arms. he looks at you, how heartbroken and, in his eyes, helpless you are, and vows that if anyone ever tries to hurt, or wrong you, or some punk who doesn't deserve you tries to taint your purity, that he'll rip them apart like a wild animal

After all, that's just what good fathers do

#yandere spiderverse #yandere miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #yandere x reader #sinprompts #yandere stuff #i need to actuallt WRITE. i need to actually WRITE i desire this man in so many ways 😩

[the-knight-of-the-stars]

10 years later after it's airing, I would like to dedicate a moment to talk about how I think Merlin last episode is an absolute GEM.

Is it perfect? No. It has its problems? Yes. But the things it does well, it does it with wonder.

First of all, I think it was brilliant, that most of the big ass battle and the fighting were on the previous episode.

Now it all reduces us to Merlin and Arthur. Them, their story. Everything that was built up between them has brought us to this. Their friendship, their trust, the profound love they feel for each other, the entire transformation their relationship had. From being rivals to being friends to being essencially each other's soulmate.

Season five really shinned on showing just how close and intimate Arthur and Merlin have become after spending every day thogeter all those years, after saving each other's lives so many times. And specially, just how blindly Arthur trusts Merlin, and how much Merlin has come to love Arthur.

And what I love about the final episode is that its respectful towards the characters, and towards what us as an audience have been living through them. It was always about them. Arthur and Merlin, Merlin and Arthur. Their magical bond, the fate they were destined to have, but also the relationship and love they chose to have for one another.

Is actually amazing how full circle everything comes. Specially regarding one of the most central themes of the show: Destiny.

From episode one, we were told about the inamovility of destiny in this world. And we saw again and again Merlin trying to change destiny, and each time he failed. And the most dreaded prophecy Merlin tried again and again to evoid from coming true was Arthur's death.

At first for a sense duty, then because he started to belive in him, and finally because he had come to love him.

The final episode is not some epic long battle, is not about saving the kindom, is not even about defeating Morgana. Is Merlin, one last time, trying to save the man he loves most in the world. And like every time, he failed.

All along it was true what Kilgharrah said in episode one: "None of us can choose our destiny, and none of us can skip it".

I can't recal any other show going with the theme of "You can't scape fate" all the way through, until the very end. The show is over when Merlin finally accepts that he can't change fate, that in that sense, he is powerless.

It all started with the prophecy of a Dragon, an with exactly that it ends. Is heartbreaking, and sad, and the perfect tragic tale.

And if that is not enough, this episode has hands down one the best dialogues on the entire show. So many beautiful, powerful and iconic lines that tell us so much about the characters in little words.

"I have magic, and I used it for you Arthur, only for you" - "Merlin you are not a sorcerer, I would know"

"You've lied to me all this time"

"I was born to serve you Arthur, and I'm proud of that"

"I also do this, because you are my friend and I don't wanna lose you"

"All this time, Merlin, you never once sort any credit" - "That's not why I did it"

"I don't want you to change. I want you to always be you."

"With all your magic Merlin, you couldn't save me"

"I'm not going to lose you"

"Just hold me, please"

"Everything you've done, I know now. For me, for Camelot, for the kindom you helped me build."

"I'm going to say something, I've never said to you before. Thank you."

"I can't lose him! He is my friend!"

"For when Albion's need is greatest, Arthur will rise again"

#bbc merlin #merlin bbc #I'm emotional ok? #merlin #arthur pendragon #merthur

[chloeillustrates16]

Sing to Me (2k7 Version)

(My personal head canon is that all the Leos love country music and will unironically blast it in the lair when their brothers are away).

(I wrote a 2k16 version, Rise version, 2k12, and 2k3 of Leo).

Summary: It's been two long years since Leo left for training; will you let him back into your heart or turn him away?

Warnings: personal head cannons, established relationship, hurt/comfort, fluff

It's been a grueling two years; when Leo told you that he was being sent to Central America for training, your heart broke. You were about to graduate high school; he wouldn't be there to see you. He thought that it would better if you two took a break while he was in Central America; when he came back, see if you were still in love with him. You agreed to the decision, as much as your heart screamed not too.

The year came that he was supposed to be home; but nothing, when Donnie called you and told you that he had written a letter saying that he was staying, April hugged you as you cried in her arms.

---

That year turned into two, you've been busy with college and working that you didn't realize that Donnie had called you while you were at work. You sulk towards your dorm room. Your roommate prefered to have their classes at night. So, you were alone as the door swung open; the room was dark, flipping on the switch, you noticed a small item on your desk.

Walking over, you picked it up, it was a CD that had a sticky note reading: Please, listen. Raising an eyebrow, you took out your CD player and popped it in. The music started out slow,

"Snow falling; I-35; heat's broke, I can't see the lines; '94 Ford; Coke bottle on the floorboard. I been chasing down time; driving all week. Running on fumes; fighting off sleep. Thinking out loud; needing you now; almost home; a hundred miles out and I'm counting down. Hope you ain't turned to porch light out. Baby, don't give up on me! we both know where I'm at; ain't where I'm going be. I've been too far gone for too damn long, and Lord knows that I'm running out of prayers. But I'm getting there."

Your heart pounded against your ears, you swore that the room was being filled with not only the country artist, but your own heartbeat.

"All alone starting on your second glass; another night you're never going to get back; It's hard to make a home on the wrong side of being gone. Baby, don't give up on me! We both know where I'm at; ain't where I'm going be. I've been too far gone for too damn long, and Lord knows that I'm running out of prayers. But I'm getting there!"

It wasn't just the artist's voice anymore; you stood turning as you saw the blue turtle, slowly approaching you, tears were streaming down his face.

"I know you got a million reasons that you could just up and leave me. But I'm gonna make you believe me; I know it ain't easy! Baby, don't give up on me! We both know that where I'm at; ain't where I'm going be; I've been too far gone for too damn long, and Lord knows that I'm running out of prayers! But I'm getting there; I'm getting there, oh, I'm getting there! Baby, oh, I'm getting there; I'm getting there."

He whispered the last lyric before taking you into his arms in a tight hug. You didn't realize you were crying until your wet cheeks pressed against his shoulder. Once you regained your composure, your sobs reduced into light sniffles, "How long have you been back?"

"A day; I wanted to wait because it was like five in the morning when I got home," he explained.

"I've missed you so much," he hums in agreement as his grip became tighter.

"I'm sorry I left for so long," he whispered against your temple.

"Why?"

"I wanted to become a better leader; I thought I wasn't ready to come back. I'm so sorry, I didn't tell you first." he pauses, "I have an important question for you."

"What's that?"

"Do you still love me?"

"I never stopped," you confessed. Leo held you in his arms that night, until you fell asleep. Thankfully, your roommate stayed with their partner that night, so you slept in Leo's arms until the early morning.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Song Used:

Getting There--Andrew Jannakos

#tmnt leonardo #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #x reader #female reader #leonardo #tmnt 2007 #personal headcanon

[welcome-to-oslov]

One thing that keeps me hooked is how Tilrey's growth/healing journey/setbacks/etc are woven throughout the saga, and central to it.

Unfortunately when something really traumatic & ongoing happens to you at such a young age, you definitely spend time re-facing it/re-facing yourself at every stage: in your 20s, your 30s, your 40s, in your friend/family/lover/colleague relationships, when you become a parent, as you build career, when you see yourself reflected in others, etc.

The recent ask about how Tilrey told himself at the beginning that "he'd made his choice" (which he implied no one but a worthless person would do, so he must be - devastating indeed, and you would subconsciously carry that with you) really struck a chord. And how you've said that in Oslov Unraveled one thing he must finally figure out (and overcome) why he's so uncomfortable claiming power.

What do you think are some of the most pivotal moments of growth/healing/self-knowledge Tilrey's had over the years - and some of the most pivotal setbacks to his healing/evolution? Or, if not most pivotal, what have been your favorites :)

I'm also dying to ask your thoughts of what you hope to see in Oslov Unraveled, but don't want to spoil it for ourselves - since you're the author 😅🙌

I have to think about this, because Tilrey has had such a long character arc across all the stories! I just started writing some “deleted scenes” from the very beginning, before the start of AtKoB, and I remembered something, which is that young Tilrey initially believes he’s “saving his sector” when he goes to Redda, because that’s what Supervisor Fernei told him to make him cooperate.

So that’s where his arc starts: naively believing that every trauma he experiences is for a good cause. When he starts suspecting that’s not the case, he also starts seeing his “choice” to cooperate as cowardly and bad.

I think this is a pattern he experiences over and over. Sometimes he thinks that everything he undergoes is in service of a higher cause, which gives him an incentive to be active, plan, scheme, fight. Then everything suddenly seems useless, and he feels powerless and falls into depression and self-hatred again.

He feels a sense of triumph every time he learns to exercise some control over a situation, even if it’s as bad as living with Malsha or Verán. But with Gersha, and then with the True Hearth, he finally starts to get some traction and find ways to have agency. He sees that he can do more than just survive.

The interrogation where Ranek Egil forces him to admit he was raped is a milestone, because he starts acknowledging that not everything was a “choice” as he once believed. He can realize he lacked agency in the past and still seek agency now. Reclaiming his sexuality and ability to feel love with Gersha is a milestone. Confronting Malsha and not being afraid of him anymore, same. After that, and reconciling with Gersha on his own terms, he’s ready to work with the rebellion and be a leader and not just a tool.

But throughout all these stages, he has moments of backsliding into self-hatred and feeling powerless. I think one problem is that he still doesn’t know how to express his anger except by turning it on himself. He does express some of it with Vera and Tollsha during the whole unexpected pregnancy debacle. But usually he uses sex, especially D/s, as a way to channel anger and aggression.

The character of Einara is sort of a shadow self who represents Tilrey’s anger and aggression to him. So when he asks her to hurt him, it’s therapeutic, but he’s still not fully facing those emotions.

I just reread the moment in Crosscurrents and Consequences where Tilrey says no to Besha for the first time. It may seem trivial, but it’s a big deal to him, the beginning of saying no more often. Years later, when Lindahl asks him for sex, he says no with zero apologies, and that one seemingly small no becomes a catalyst for the sequence of events leading to the revolution.

So: At the time of Unraveled, he has love and affection and support in his life, but he still struggles with forgiving himself, with expressing anger, with claiming the power he now has, with saying no. I don’t know if anyone ever entirely solves these problems, but he can still make progress.

One thing I want him to do is make peace with his angry, raging inner self, and I do have an idea for that. ☺️ Having sex with Einara helped him but didn’t really heal their conflict.

So anyway, I’m still thinking about these character arcs, but it’s great to have readers who understand how these issues recur cyclically throughout a person’s life and don’t just get “cured.” Thank you for the question! ❤️

[manogirl]

HERE WE GO: Thai QL Favorites Tag Game! Thanks to @waitmyturtles for the tag.

Favorite Thai QL: I'm going to have to echo @waitmyturtles answer, and that's Bad Buddy. My runner-up is My School President, which is quite possibly one of the best QLs I've seen but also at least partly an homage to BBS. In terms of BBS, I've watched it so many times it's kind of silly. (I tried to do an estimate and came up with 50 watches in a year; that counts both my own watches and when I watch it through a reactor channel.) But also, it broke my world open, and I will never, ever let it go for that reason. It was the second QL I watched, and it changed my life and anyway, that's a story for another time.

Favorite Pairing: How does anyone answer this? Phew, I don't know. Right now I'm super inclined to say KanThua because I'm at the end of an Eclipse rewatch, and watching Neo play Kan's longing and fear and love and anger is just....phew. Thua is a little bit of a shit at the end of the show, but...they compel me. Runners-up? PatPran, SoundWin and KhaiThird. (I write fic about the first and last so...yeah, I find them compelling.)

Most underrated actor: I feel like if I notice acting it's because the actor is really good and everyone realizes it. Like, everyone knows Fourth Nattawat is already one of the best actors in the GMMTV stable, right? RIGHT?

Favorite Character:  Li Ming (MLC). Kao (DBK). Win (UWMA, Between Us).

Favorite Side Character: I've already mentioned so many as a part of couples, but....Tankhun from KP. The wardrobe. The lines. The love of two fish.

Favorite scene in a QL: Why are you doing this to me? Rooftop kisses always hit. Ep 5 in BBS, Ep 5 in NLMG.

Favorite line in a QL: I don't think I can answer this. First of all, I'm not sure I'm always understanding the nuance in any given scene because well, I'm watching in translation. But secondly, I simply cannot remember. Too many shows crammed into a year of watching.

Most Anticipated QL (& why): Only Friends. We're all going to lose our minds, and I for one welcome those halcyon days. I am also hyped for Cherry Magic and Cooking Crush because I love TayNew and OffGun.

Healthiest relationship in a QL: Uh. HeartLiMing? They have tons of time to become toxic.

Most toxic relationship in a QL: AlanWen. Uea's entire family in Bed Friend.

Guilty pleasure series: I don't believe in guilty pleasures. It's pretty central to the way I live my life that I own the things that I love and that I don't hide them. (FWIW, I've been reading romance novels my whole adult reading life and this is where the 'no guilty pleasures' came from; that and being a public librarian. Every day, people apologized for their book taste, and folks, it's not great to see and hear. We none of us should feel guilt for the things that entertain us.)

Most underrated series: Boy, I don't know if I know how to figure out if something is properly rated. I've been reading all the My Ride and La Pluie meta popping up on tumblr, which makes it feel like people properly treasure and rate these shows, but maybe that's only because I follow all the people who properly rate them. So uh, My Ride and La Pluie?

I feel like everyone I read on tumblr has done this, so I'm gonna throw out some random names and if you've done it, humble apologies. @jyuubin @batmanaintapeasant @callipigio @gillianthecat @fiercynn

#thai ql favorites #thai bl #thai ql

[teddypmedley]

I did a grief tarot reading because of OFMD s2e8

spreads: general grief spread, easing grief, healing the wound, finding calm in dark times, hope, summary of challenges, past-present-future summary of the whole reading.

This is called "a spread for grief".

The immediate card is 4 of Cups, which I am interpreting as a commentary on the kind of grief we have. "You have had it with [the given] relationship. It's going nowhere and has nothing to offer—or so you think. Before writing it off, think about what you've put into the relationship and how you'd really feel if it was over. If it's done, it's done. If not, do your part to revitalize it. You'll both be happier in the long run". I interpret the relationship at hand to be our relationships with OFMD fan content creation.

The leftmost card, XI Justice recommends we consider the future ramifications of all of our possible choices when deciding how to behave in a situation. Understanding what power we do have in this situation is important, because it leads us to potential outlets for our feelings. It's very important that we think about how we behave while we grieve.

The center card, X Wheel of Fortune, reminds us to look for lessons in our sadness and opportunities for growth. The position of this card means that this reminder may help us with self care.

The rightmost card, XVI The Tower, acknowledges that this is a worldview-shifting loss. "Some belief that we hold dear, that is a deep part of how we define ourselves, is being called into question." We should keep in mind that sometimes destruction is necessary to create a new understanding, which may serve us better.

The bottom card, 2 of Wands (reversed), asks us to decide whether we are willing to make a commitment to a changed route. It is probable that we will not regret making a change. It is worth considering that this may be a new or a broken partnership of some sort.

This is called "easing grief"

The leftmost card, Queen of Pentacles asks us to remember what we are good at. She has a lot to do with creation and accolades, like making an impressive craft that people enjoy. We might interpret this card as a recommendation to remember the skills and recognition that this fandom has helped us grow. The positivity and care for each other that we have developed, the nurturing environments that have been ideal for improving our crafts and making community.

The center card, Ace of Swords, gives us something new and positive to look forward to. We have a new challenge which can be addressed through thought/the mind, and it is entirely possible to find healthy ways to face the challenge or cope with/solve the problem.

The rightmost card, XXI The World asks us not to let go of our goal of Becoming. Remember what we've been working towards all along. That idea is still helpful, still relevant, and still worth striving toward. Whether that's improving our crafts, making our community, or growing as individuals, it's all worth considering part of our future. A second card came with that one. XVII The Star reminds us of our hope. A time of safety and peace is attainable now in order to look toward that dream of attaining The World.

This spread is called "healing the wound".

The top card, XVII The Star says that it's hard to release our old hope, that OFMD would be... everything we wanted from a queer show. Our pain is represented by XXI The World, which as we already know is so central to this conversation. We are scared that everything we've been working toward is worthless now.

The bottom cards give us ways to address that pain and begin healing. IX The Hermit says to take time re-evaluating our knowledge and understanding of the world. It's a very good reaction to XVI The Tower, which represents the major shift in understanding we are going through (from the first spread).

3 of Pentacles reminds us: "You have many wonderful skills, and now is the time to put them to good use. Work carefully and thoroughly, doing the best you can. Create things that are useful and things that bring joy to your life. Experience the pleasure of doing something well."

The Queen of Wands reminds us to help by doing, to express ourselves creatively, and to move again after lying still. She also wants us to accept help from each other and keep building community.

This spread is called "finding calm in dark times", and i used my LOTR deck.

A personal strength we should celebrate: V The Hierophant (reversed) represents accepting a lesson. (The card is represented by Elrond, a teacher).

A source of support to utilize: Knight of Wands represents a respite in the form of following a rush of creative inspiration, the pursuit of your latest idea. A secondary card is 8 of Pentacles (reversed) which says not to worry about how hard this pursuit is; you may focus too much on minor details and overanalyze mistakes and forget to look at the bigger picture of progress—if you don't succeed at this creative inspiration, that is OKAY. You might consider a new approach to it, or just set it aside. Maybe just do it for fun. (Knight of Wands is Tom Bombadil).

A reminder to help you stay grounded: 8 of Wands (reversed) there will be barriers between you and the finish line, but you will overcome them. Just be patient.

A step you can take to care for yourself: 3 of Swords says that it is important to take time to mourn, to accept support from loved ones, and to move through the cycles of grief. You are reminded to do the same (as Théoden after hearing about Boromir, if that example is helpful) and remember to express sadness and honor your feelings. You will be stronger for it.

"A spread for hope"

4 of Wands reminds us of our recent milestones, and to value food, cheer, songs, and friends.

10 of Pentacles tells us to embrace the fruits of our efforts and our community and legacy. We may consider how to use our resources to help others.

2 of Pentacles tells us that something useful to do/offer is consider the beginning of a new journey and to be patient with ourselves. It might be helpful to start journaling and take notes about what we have to do and accomplish each day.

The new moon is a time for a fresh start, but it can be hard to see where we're heading.

We're going through a transition period. Be aware of whether you're struggling to move on/forward.

We need to gain that momentum, even though it's hard. The best thing to do is to keep going.

Sometimes it's not helpful to strive to feel grateful when we're down. It definitely doesn't help to get mired in guilt about ungratefulness. It's okay to just mostly feel hurt and angry. But it also might make us feel better to remember what we do feel grateful for. The positives: the friendships, the finished fan creations, everything I've talked about so far.

(These symbols can be good to meditate on if you have trouble with any of these ideas).

These symbols are a really good past-present-future summary of all of the spreads I've done in this reading.

We should remember our successes in terms of the realization of our past goals.

As a first step we should acknowledge our troubles and contact people for help.

Finally, we should consider our emerging journey.

#tarot cards #tarot reading #tarotblr #tarot deck #divination #dealing with grief #izzy hands #ofmd season 2 #ofmd #ofmd s2e8

[murdermeadow]

okok so. I've been cooking up something for A While, but it's taken quite a long time to figure out and steep BUT I'VE FINALLY DONE IT! so now I get to share it all with you :]

to preface: this is all hc! just me spitballing with ideas I personally enjoy, don't feel like you've gotta agree with me

so. I think about the crew's lives pre Aionios pretty often, and I think the person who most perplexes me is Taion - of course, he's the only one without clear ties to any previous characters or other existing characters in story! but I kept thinking about him and Nimue, and how they had that sort of sibling relationship to me. I already had another hc that Nimue was Mòrag and Brighid's eldest daughter, with Sena having come around later! naturally, I combined that with her connection to Taion to get him having been an adopted sibling to the two. it's cute! it's heartwarming! but there was always my other, more pressing question... how on Alrest did Taion become a blade-eater when he was only a child? this is what really stumped me for awhile, but this is what I cooked up.

so. Taion and his family were moving away from the lower parts of the Mor Ardainian titan, thinking it would be better to now live in the capital. Taion suggested their route - he had already scoped ahead, of course. unfortunately, what he didn't know is that the land they were going to cross over was taken and guarded by a very territorial village of criminals hiding from the law. so the minute they got caught, well... things turned out for the worst. his parents were killed, and he nearly was too, having been left for dead. Thankfully, Nimue had found them while out on one of her own personal adventures to get a lay of the land (gotta know your territory if you're gonna be such a central royal figure!). using the technology she had learned from Pandoria and Zeke whenever they had visited, she implanted part of her core crystal into where the boy was shot, saving his life. she rescued him and took him back to the castle, where the rest of the Ladair family took him in with open arms (and if not, well, Nimue was already rapidly becoming quite protective of him). she soon became his older sister figure, and Sena as his other adopted sister. he met Mio through the Ladair connections as well, n the rest is history :3 (not really history but y'know, they become besties, and probably go on a quest to find their missing soulmates)

ya !! that's it !! I think it's so much fun to think about their lives outside of Aionios, and this'll definitely help me in my path to eventually write a few scenes from it :]

and now, some Nimue stuff as well

#leechies rambles #xc3 #xenoblade #xenoblade chronicles 3 #xenoblade chronicles #taion #nimue #xenoblade taion #taion xenoblade #nimue xenoblade #xenoblade nimue #xc headcanon #developing this stuff drove me INSANE dude i was doing mental circles forever #but listening to one song it inspiring a train of thought led to an epiphany and now i feel like god (oh no i sure hope Shulk isn't around) #anyways HERES MY SILLIES HOPE U GUYS ENJOY MY INSANITY

[thedeviljudges]

Hey, idk if you've already found this. But I thought it would be nice to share this with you.

I think when Min Jungho became a guardian of Gaon, he didn't have any intentions of using him or any relations with Jung sunah at that time because when Gaon was 16, Isaac was also alive. The church fire happened three years later after Gaon's parents death. So I think Min Jungho really cared for Gaon in the first years. I saw the bike smashing scene when Gaon was a high school student in ep 5 and Min jungho was angry and disappointed. Just like a parent act when they get called to their children's school for not so good reasons. So I don't really think Jung sunah and Min Jungho did met each other at that time. Plus Jung sunah must have been trying so hard to gain power too. I don't think she had any power or money at that time. I think they met after the church fire (I wish we had more information about how they met)

So what I want share is, Min Jungho cared for Gaon genuinely but later when he met sunah, that was changed. (Not at once but I guess through the years and Jung sunah is manipulative and sly) I'm also very curious if he really knew that it wasn't the real Doh Youngchun in the jail right at that time or did he found out that later and decided to hide it from Gaon?I'm just so curious. It's been almost a year and I still can't forget this drama 🤧

According to the scriptbook, gaon met min jungho after his parents death as someone who helps troubled youth. So I really don’t think he ever had any intention of using gaon. I think the professor got into his judicial position long after he’d known gaon, so there was never any tempt to try and stop anyone and the only reason gaon was chosen is because he looks like Isaac. So that only came much later. There is a scene in the show that show sunah at gaon’s graduation of law school or presentation to becoming a judge – so im not sure if she was there to see if she could manipulate upcoming judge’s or if gaon caught her eye beforehand. It seems she hadn’t seen gaon before his ceremony, and then used that as a way to get in with min jungho. At that point, he was already in his law career, which was the perfect opportunity for sunah.

All of this to say, I think gaon’s manipulation started the day he graduated. There’s no way the professor knew about Isaac. Maybe he knew of Yohan, but without sunah, who knows if he truly believed Yohan to be an actual threat.

If we go by the scriptbook date of when gaon and the professor met, they would’ve known each other for about 11-12 years by the time the devil judge’s story starts. We don’t know how long it takes for someone to graduate and get a position (it doesn’t seem gaon got his role via the professor straight out of school), so I’d assume his graduation was at least 6 months - 3 years prior. At that point, sunah had time to feed min jungho things about Yohan. The two of them most likely watched yohan’s rise to power, with sunah continuously telling min jungho that they had to do something about it. And only when Yohan positioned himself to be a central figure did sunah most likely urge min jungho to bring gaon for the live court. There had to be a time when sunah wasn’t sure what she would do with gaon until the live court came to fruition. It wouldn’t surprise me if sunah and min jungho met for the first time at gaon’s graduation, too. at the very least, they might’ve heard of each other being in the same circles but didn’t really talk.

That said, min jungho and gaon’s flashbacks do show the relationship they had as parent-child. I do think he wanted the best for gaon, and it’s clear in his own fucked up mind he still wanted the best for gaon but on his own terms and conditions. I don’t think he saw gaon as being a sacrificial lamb necessarily because I don’t think he ever guessed that gaon would sway from what he’d always been led to believe. I think he truly thought he had gaon by the scruff of his neck, but it’s ironic because min junho is the one who tried to tame gaon, and look at how that backfired.

Whether he also knew about doh youngchun – I would say no. in ep 16 when he answers to sunah, he comes off as a lap dog that takes orders (also like the scene where he goes to sunah about soohyun’s death), which means sunah and anyone else talking to him would most likely keep him out of the loop and only provide the necessary info needed to manipulate him. it’s why he didn’t know about soohyun’s death being planned.

There’s still so much detail that didn’t get explored. Questions I think only those of us who are obsessed with the show come up with. I really wish there was a guide or something because im just like you. Still in love with the devil judge. <3

#x #the devil judge #answered #anonymous

[larrythefloridaman]

Opinions on the obvious Larold of Florida Residence

you've made a critical mistake by asking me what i think about larry generally when my power limiters (discord message size limit) are off.

(spoilers for cpuk20 and onward under the cut including the nccts)

Larry as a core cast member of cpu kerfuffle is so perfectly potent for a series that makes multifaceted identity and the foundationally important human obligation of supporting one another central themes, because his entire character is built on masks and forms and titles and facets of the self, utilized as needed or wanted, sometimes lost and sometimes gained, but all a part of a unified whole, excellently portrayed through the character progression of Florida Man > Larry, the erratic shapeshifter > Home MD > Lawrence "Larry the Florida Man" Home, MD, from hapless barely-adult who scoffs at anything less than stardom, doesnt really Understand the danger of risk despite constant risk-taking behavior and doesnt even accept that he likes men yet to Talented and Well-known Medical Researcher Homeowner Pillar of The Community, who is Extremely Loud And Proud about his Beloved Boyfriend and Steady albeit Stressful Work In the Medical Care Profession

already fascinating before the nccts, but fleshed out even more seeing how uncertain of himself he was when he first arrived- not even accepting his attraction to other men yet, thinking it probably a phase, J0hn implies he freaked out a little the first time they really talked about it! their little interaction in the dream about it also leads me to assume their time adjusting to their altered selves after the experiments wasnt the first time J0hn helped Larry to see himself in bold and honest terms. Florida Man sees his future self and bemoans the boring normalcy of getting older and doing something like deciding to go to school and pursue a career in the medical field instead of becoming a big champ star of the tournament or some such other starry-eyed fantasy, as such though the idea of curing death itself as a personal achievement DOES manage to thrill him into reconsidering that a little. he is... understandably skeptical of a lot of the weird shit we tell him comes to happen in his adult life that surrounds all that, despite how cool he thinks parts of what we told him is. his future powers excite him, even if the havoc it wreaks on his body when he watches his future self change does... unsettle him. the idea of the time travel he takes with a grain of salt- joking about 'the simulation,' unaware of the irony of this tongue-in-cheek comment and its truthful element to the nature of his reality. this is a weird dream he's having, it doesn't mean much else to him yet, seeing what his future holds is... meaningful in a way, but it hasnt yet come to pass and he cant yet imagine it realistically because its not real to him yet. a dreamed up hypothetical which sits on the horizon which only we understood fully has already been carved in stone. his feelings are those of a not yet mature perspective of someone that can only barely be considered an adult looking on a future he can barely envision with any real weight because he's got his eyes set on the stars, uninterested and unwilling to make eye contact long with the mundane and painful long enough to worry about them, convinced he won't have to deal with them if he succeeds. "don't need insurance if you never crash!"

this doesn't last, of course. for reasons and through circumstances left largely undescribed as yet, Larry as well as his boyfriend fall victim to Dr. Order's experiments, experiencing life-changing trauma. they support eachother through learning to cope with their altered selves and deepening the closeness of their bond. Larry develops a... complicated relationship with his new powers, loving them and yet thinking them also a kind of curse. Unsurprising, considering the circumstances that lead to obtaining them and certain drawbacks they have. and in this period too one can find the implication of an internal conflict between a love for performing as part of the tournament, and being more authentically himself by seperating things that pertain to his personal self from it. with his initial re-debut with his powers, as a result of the improv, he uses them as a strange kind of anonymization from his initial stage title, using an unrecognizable neutral form, only going by his normal first name with the descriptive tag of his powers. (until hamhel makes him mad enough to try to beat his ass 'unmasked' in full view of the camera, lol.) larry, the erratic shapeshifter. they talk about how he works like. at the grocery store. Larry makes more appearances in tournaments in this period than any other, revealing more and more of himself while also kind of hiding himself, (again because of the improv often deciding these things after the fact.) Larry and Order are in the same tournament in cpuk14, and Larry's like I Do Not FUCKING See It because we dont learn his transformation is her fault until gaiden 2, which also has j0hn and larry in the same episode with no acknowledgement of a connection between them and their relationship is confirmed in cpuk17 to be 1) 2 years old and 2) the subject of some local rumor/gossip but never previously made public. At the same time, he can't RESIST the bullshit, the performance, the spectacle, the fun of it all. after being the guy who made headlines just to make headlines and ending up a dehumanized human experiment guinea pig, the guy wanted a little privacy to just be respected as himself in peace, even if he loves the show too much to stay away. he's trying to keep his personal life and the show separate, only allowing them to interact on his terms, but his personal life and feelings can't always be kept out of the show. In a way, one can read his shapeshifting and its functionality (controllable but only sort of, and a default self that can definitely be him but also is a malleable molten dripping goop at the same time, forms typically thrown at him like prompts) as part of a metaphor for the improv style of performance the show is based on- its... controlled but it isnt, theres a part of it thats driven by adapting to what you're given, playing your part whatever it might be, but theres a part of it that just comes from the gut, from who you are, and if youre doing it right somewhere amid the hashing of those things to achieve what you're going for you might find something real made of both. And larry can find himself a little lost in both sometimes. Larry's implied to sometimes dissociate and get a little lost in it when he takes a form (see: full rat mode moment), and similarly Larry gets REAL carried away with a bit sometimes, until something knocks some sense into him.

Forged from circumstances, Home MD is a facet of himself like the others, created like diamond by a steady, weight-of-the-world pressure, and Larry hatches from seven long years in the superheated chrysalis of this persona into his most modern self. It was, to continue a metaphor, a part he played so long and so well he came to embody it and it became a part of him. Home MD is all-business, the part of larry that responsibility and obligation summons to the forefront. Grim and straight-laced and patient. Uptight, even. Becoming Home, taking on the responsibility of what has already been set in stone by the loop, was the only way to stop the Doctor, a stain on the profession her title typically implies, without irreparably altering the course of history, possibly for the worse. Home is a doctor, and he's good at what he does, and what he does is what needs to be done, no matter how ugly and unfortunate it might be, even to great personal suffering, death and injury, a thing which... embarrasses him a little, given he once liked to think himself practically invincible, and now is coming to understand that while he can endure just about anything as long as theres a glimmer of light, a punchline, on the other side, it's not gonna be... a clean ordeal. Home MD must stare death and failure and illness and tragic inevitability in the face every day. There is no option to be naive or to look away. That is the nature of his profession. He witnesses himself changed in third person, and witnessed similar change for everyone else. But he's also compassionate, relentlessly so- never succumbing to thoughtlessness about the pain inherent of the grim task set before him, resilient both physically and psychologically. He was made to play a direct bystander as history unfolds, unable to change it's forward march without risking everything falling apart, but he learned to take pride in what he can do for people. Being a good doctor is about caring for others, after all, and he can do his damnedest to be there for everyone, even if his ability to change their fates for the better is... limited, for now.

This compassion is not a newly formed trait of Larry's- he's been known to reach out to people in kindness even before the Home years, Hamhel after his whole demon stunt and Google (mentioned offhandedly in G2, that he spoke with Google offscreen following his defection from Order) come to mind for examples outside his beloved boyfriend- but becoming a care professional turned this self-effacing empathy for others into a second nature, a duty, a willingness to endure anything to help someone. Even the Doctor got an opportunity to apologize, even if Larry was ultimately relieved she didn't take it and he could continue hating her to death and send her to her bitter ironic fate without ever having to consider a world where she chose to be better. (Until susan showed up, at least. We never did get to see his first reaction to her arrival when they thought she was her her, only weeks later, glaring and weary. i can't imagine it was pretty.) The only person he doesnt seem to extend that kind of compassion and understanding to much is himself, Home not really taking all that kindly to Larry until he's 'in on the joke,' so to speak and, after the loops completion, failing to realize (or refusing to acknowledge,) choosing not to seek therapy to give therapuppy a break from her overwork is silly when they're in the same boat of 150+ revolving patients with little professional backup and he hardly expects similar from her. He's happy to be someone others can rely on and not worry about, regardless of whether they like him, and it's... embarrassing for him, to admit when he cannot bear a weight by himself, as grateful as he is for support where he can get it he will not ask for it, beyond perhaps a snarky remark. "Damn, Grunk... how about a 'thank you,' maybe?" "Hey, man, it's alright, I get it. Gotta keep the tough guy look up. Either way, it was my pleasure to bring ya back."

And then there's the truth of their reality. During the loop, Home becomes aware of the nature of their world. A fiction, crafted into existence. improvised into being, becoming intimately aware of the functional implications of this. The world, the story, lives and breathes. It remembers and forgets itself as it pleases. colored dots and schrodingers cat. Many things in the past remain undetermined, only becoming fully true as it is spoken credibly into truth in the Script. Larry's intimate awareness of these 'obscure theories' as he frames them which we understand as just part of the nature of the telling of the story is something which I think informs his worldview and decisions considerably, while he doesn't tell anyone what he knows without these kinds of obfuscations to spare them the dread. I think the sephiroth incident may have been an attempt to determine what the narrative tone of the world would be going forward. not determine in the sense of trying to choose, although i think he did have a preferred outcome, but in trying to find out. Observing a schrodingers cat. Will cpu kerfuffle return to lighthearted low consequence fun, or continue to be a dramatic and consequential affair, even following the end of the story arc he'd brought to a close? The Grunk, a murder victim resurrected, had killed two people just for the bit recently, and either sephiroth's funny resurrection would have consequences because of his inherent dramatic weight, or it wouldn't, because we've become a full comedy again that can freely mock its own flirtation with weight. Larry really wishes that bloody note had been from the tootsie pop owl, but he'll take on the consequences of his little experiment without complaint. This is a dramedy and it will remain one. He recognized the possibility of this outcome. Observing schrodinger's cat does often end with a dead cat. Larry used to be shyer/more private about his relationship, but after years apart and knowing the world may forget or reinterpret that which doesnt remain firmly established, theres a part of me that wonders if the increased amount of public romantic gestures despite j0hn's mild embarrassment with them might be influenced by a degree of insecurity that the world may reinterpret their relationship because of their time apart and damage it somehow, or if he believes that by refusing to acknowledge his trauma as being as serious as it was, he can make it go away by convincing the world to think of it like a joke hes gotten over. Larry likes being the funny guy that isnt taken too seriously, despite the weight of his achievements, his burdens and his mistakes. 'Laughter is the best medicine' patch adams sad clown type bitch

Larry conducts himself nowadays knowing full well the potential for his chosen actions to go terribly, looking that potential for messy consequences dead in the eyes, but knowing as well that a lot of times, a good idea was a bad idea that worked out in the end. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Home MD was the most batshit looney tunes painful idea he'd ever gone through with, and its transformed his life and others' for the better, ultimately, despite everything. That's life, baby! Love and support eachother, dare to be stupid and earnest and take risks, take the good with the bad, everyone contains multitudes and You are the unique and multifaceted and even sometimes contradictory self you compose from these many parts, we are mask and wearer, every me is me every you is you, We Never Stop Becoming!!!!!!!!

A core thing i do think larry after everything does still need to learn is a little self-compassion, not just in accepting that regardless of whether or not he can shoulder everything and anything thrown at him as the resilient fucker he is on his own, he shouldn't necessarily have to, (a sort of tardigrade's dilemma- if you know you're uniquely capable of surviving in nightmarish extremes, how obligated are you to do that in the place of others who might not be able to survive as well, if you'll still be suffering all the same?) even if it was self-inflicted by the consequences of his own decisions. After all, it'd be cruel to deny a sick patient treatment just because their habits caused their illness. but... well. being in your twenties is about forgiving all the dumb shit you did while you were growing, the same way being in your thirties and forties is, from what i understand, lol. maybe he needs to forgive his past self's naivety a little too.

[zvkos]

Hey, author! I just read your story, ‘Instant Crush’ and I had a question about what Clem may have wanted to do after college. Since the story may or may not be continued, could you explain anything about that? I’m so CURIOUS, PLEASE! Even if you make something up on the spot, I would love to hear about it.

Also, another question I had was…..do you think Clem and Louis stayed together after he left for New York? Do they visit or continue doing long distance? Hopefully they’re married by NOW lol. 😭 Any clouis fluff still left in ya? You’re the best either way!

ooooh this is actually a very fun question because i've thought about both of these.

so for clementine — i had planned for her to go to a community college in the area. in the story, the college is called Central (if you've read Instant Crush, you know what i'm talking about.) at Central, she would've been an undecided major. eventually, she would realize she wants to become a social worker – particularly for children – and she would've gotten a degree in social work!

and for louis and clem's relationship after he left for New York — the long-distance starts off well and they adapt to it pretty fast! however, as time goes on, (and louis inevitably makes friends at school) he starts to... well... get distracted. clem gets insecure and feels like she needs to branch out. they both gradually grow apart and it results in a mutual agreement to take a break (😭) HOWEVER, this turns out to be a good thing because they quickly realize how much they love each other. even when they're not dating, there's a part of their hearts that belong to each other. eventually they talk it out, and yes, they get back together!! and somewhere down the long-winding road that is life, they get married because of course they do.

#it pains to think abt clouis breaking up #but honestly it'd be healthy for them #they both kind of depend on each other for different reasons #and when they're not together it'll help them become whole within themselves first before they can be whole together #that's called GROWTH BABY!!!!! #twdg #ask #instantcrush #louiscantaloupes2003

[bronzewool]

Dune is ruining my life.

I have not been able to stop thinking about the series ever since I stumbled across the sequel in the library. And since it's like 1/3 of the length of the original, I picked it up for some light reading just to see if there was something I was missing.

I am frustrated by how much I desperately want to learn more about this world, but I don't wanna read it in this format. The Worldbuilding is fine. The characters are fine. The relationships are fine. The history is fine. The conflict is fine.

I just hate the writing.

Dune Messiah does the same bloody thing in the first book, where it announces the motivations of each character and spoils many plot twists that would have been shocking to learn for yourself. The first chapter even starts with our four central antagonists in the same room talking about how they're going to overthrow House Atreides. So we know who to look out for before Paul even meets them, not that it matters since they're all so bloody incompetent, their plan to overthrow Paul is both way too complicated and laughably straight forward.

It's been 12 years since the first book, Paul got his revenge on the man who killed his father, overthrew the Emperor, and made himself the new Emperor with a devout Fremen army and a monopoly on the Spice extraction.

Except things aren't so perfect. Paul, who is cursed with clairvoyance and has seen the future for all humanity, is trying to avoid the extinction of the human race but, in doing so, has made himself the villain.

"At a conservative estimate, I've killed sixty-one billion, sterilized ninety planets, completely demoralized five hundred others. I've wiped out the followers of forty religions-"

His followers see him as a god and have become a cult who will cut down all non-believers in his name. He has brought water and wealth to Arrakis but is playing the long game, destroying the lives of billions of innocent people for the sake of trillions not even born yet. He's a hard character to root for when you've spent an entire book watching him struggle to earn his happy ending, only to then watch him commit mass genocide in the name of the greater good.

And the book doesn't tell you straight out the gate that Paul is now evil, but let's you digest the consequences of all his decisions. For example, Paul has full control over the Spice trade, a life-extending drug that most citizens have been exposed to at some point. The spice rightfully belongs to the people of Arrakis (even though Paul himself is not a native), but one of the drawbacks to ingesting spice is that withdrawal eventually leads to death. Everyone who takes one step on Arrakis can never leave or must depend on frequent shipments of the stuff in order to keep on living. We are never privy to the innerworkings of the shipment itself or how much it costs, but I couldn't help but compare the dependency on Spice to insulin, especially when Paul learns that someone has attempted to take one of the sandworms to manufacture their own supply of spice on another desert planet.

The book has great moments like that, but it's spliced with chapters of people sitting in a room talking about power, diplomancy, conspiracy, religion, fate, legacy, guilt. And going over those conversations with a Sherlock Holmes level of deduction to uncover hidden meanings, and talking in different rooms with different people.

There is a lot of talking in this book when the plot can be cut down to: Paul's Consort Princess (that he forced into a political marriage right after dethroning her father) has teamed up with the old reverend Mother from the first book to remove Paul from power with the help of a shapeshifter "face dancer" and a space guild navigator who is invisible to the powers of foresight. The Princess secretly drugs Chani, Paul's lover from the first book, with a contraceptive in order to stop her bearing any future heirs. The Guild Navigator presents an artificial human created from the remains Duncan Idaho, who died in the previous book, as a gift to the Emperor. And the shapeshifter has taken on the form of a Fremen.

The innerworkings of their plan are kept hidden from the reader, but the execution is lacklustre when the entire point of the book is that Paul can't lose. Chani is moved back to Arrakis to see a doctor, so the princess can't keep drugging her. The reverand Mother is apprehended early on in the book. Paul knows the resurrected Duncan is a trap meant to be his undoing, and any tension with the shapeshifter is pointless as Paul sees right through his deception, but plays along anyway.

Much like my frustration with the first book, there isn't a lot of narrative tension when it comes to the plot. The only real suprises in the book are, how the conspiracy plans to use Duncan to take down Paul, and near the end when Chani finally gives birth and Paul did not predict her bearing twins as he only ever saw the future of their daughter, and not a twin son who is hidden from Paul's powers and might change the future Paul fought so hard to achieve.

I both enjoy learning about Dune and hate reading it. To the point I'd rather just read the wiki articles. But I can't seem to get it out of my head and hate myself for not enjoying it more when it is so beloved by so many people I respect, and I dont know of its just because I'm not nearly smart enough to fully understand it

#long post #charl's book journey #theres so this subplot with Paul's sister #who is now grown up and has a crush on duncan #which makes no sense #but the way the characters talk about it is so funny #likes shes an animal thats gone into heat #and they must now find a mate for #why is it so clinical and awkward? #and whats with the incestious relationship her and paul? #paul barely reacts to seeing her naked and must be reminded to feel embarassed #and alia who we established from the first book #was born with the knowledge of every reverand mother before her #has this weird relationship with paul #where she sees him as both an older brother and son #due to their mother's memories #and seeing her dead fathet she never met as a lover #there is so much hinted incest #at one point the bene gesserit discuss obtaining both siblings dna for a future breeding programme #and it is so weird how this is never brought up again #everyone wants these two to fuck

[impulsivelycontentious]

Why I do not ask for or accept help:

Preface: this is not a judgement, this is a perspective.

I do not ask for help, unless it is beyond desperate.

There's a lot of reasons for it, but at it's core it is because i do not trust, deep down, that the help will come and if it does it will be without strings.

I am reminded of this because I just got a call from the dentist's office to tell me that no, actually, I won't be having the tooth out that I've been patiently waiting three weeks for the surgery on. No, they're going to refer me to an oral surgeon. Why couldn't they have told me this three weeks ago? Because the dentist doing the surgery didn't look at my chart or x-rays until 3 days beforehand. Not when booking it, and not just after.

When I was a kid I went to the doctor for chest pains a lot. I was told I was imagining it, and then that it was twietze syndrome.

I told my teachers and my parents I couldn't run without being out of breath. I thought i was just super lazy. I was so tired.

When I had the stroke at 29, it turned out that I have afib and tachycardia. Intermittently. No one ever looked hard enough. My heart also sometimes gets squeezed in my chest.

But I went years being told it was nothing.

I couldn't sleep when i was young. Sometimes for days. "Just turn the light off and lie down, practice good sleep hygene, stop making a fuss," when I tried to get help.

I told my doctor I was "tired, but not like lack of sleep tired. It's not that." I was forwarded to the sleep clinic. The sleep clinic wouldn't see me because I bed shared with my toddler.

Did you know tachecardia can make you tired like you've been exercising when you haven't?

I was tired from lack of sleep, but I know the difference.

I do have central sleep apnea. It's quite common if you also have afib. Along with the standard autistic hours.

My dad once yelled at me that I would never amount to anything because I didn't know how to talk to people. He never helped when I asked him how.

When i asked teachers to explain things like "how to write an essay" I didn't get answers. I was told more about the topic. They never taught the anatomy of an essay.

When I lived with my grandmother she was unwell and asking her for things cost her a lot . I didn't like it.

When it was my mother, what was the point? I was given jobs so she didn't have to do them.

The other side of the coin is when I accept help.

When i had the stroke a friend drove a significant distance to help me clean. I did the same for them. We don't talk anymore.

Someone gifted us a lot of money so we could get away from our landlord when I was at my worst. I want to talk to them again but I don't know how.

I don't really talk to anyone i;ve accepted help from.

The act of helping is intimate to me, and when I do so, in the end, I loose contact. The same thing happens if i tell someone i think of them as a best friend. The change in relationship dynamic is difficult to manage and people get lost.

Accepting help is letting someone see my weaknesses, and it doesn't end well. I need a lot of help. I do not manage. But if I let someone help the relationship becomes unequal and ends.

I don't know how to deal with that, obviously.

I'm not reliable. I cannot offer much help myself and while people think that's ok; it isn't. Not long term. People get tired of maintaining that kind of relationship. It is destructive. A lot of people like me are better with their emotional support and friendships and they manage, and that's good, but I am me and me is... Like this.

Anyway, seeking and accepting help is complicated. For a lot of people there's trauma there. The trusting and the owing.

#thoughts #help #psychology #my own extremely depressing brain

[pedropascalunofficial]

Pedro Pascal and Lena Headey

Head to head interview

Hunger Magazine, Issue 6. Released December 28, 2014. Photoshoot October 15, 2013.

Thirteen million. That's the number of people, on average, who tuned into each episode of the third season of Game of Thrones. Among them was Chilean actor Pedro Pascal, who was as enthralled by the sex and slaughter as the rest of us. But little did he know that within a few months he'd be pitching up on the shores of Belfast to join the cast as Oberyn Martell, affectionately known as the Red Viper. Sound ominous? It is. The Red Viper is GoTs newest anti-hero, “sexy and charming but driven by hate”. Sounds like he'll be right at home.

Pedro, on the other hand, though he looks good on paper, wasn't the obvious choice for the role. Expecting a big name to ride into King’s Landing, the show's fans took to forums to express their concerns as soon as the news broke. So is he worried? Like hell he is. “The fans had the part cast in their minds already. They knew who they wanted and it certainly was not me. But I'm not stupid, | presumed that people were going to say ‘who the fuck is this guy’. Since I anticipated the reaction it didn't throw me off.”

“There are so many different ways to go into battle with yourself when you're trying to get a job. I felt a certain amount of pressure because I wanted to make everyone happy. The fan base is so specific and, as a fan myself, I understand the relationship that they have with the show. The Red Viper is the best part I've ever played, and in season four shocks come at the most unexpected times. You might think you know, but you have no idea,” he explains.

Looks like the Red Viper could be in line to fill a Walter-White-sized-hole in television, but to test the theory we pit Pascal against Lena Headey, aka the Queen. Because if you can come away from Cersei unscathed, you can handle anything.

LH: So, Pedro, you come into Game of Thrones in season four, playing a pretty major character. Does that fill you with joy or dread?

PP: I'd say it fills me with joy because it’s a really fucking fun part. He’s a badass. He comes up against a lot of the main characters in the show. I'm very aware of the show. I watch it like a fan.

LH: Were you a fan before you arrived in Belfast?

PP: Yeah, I was a proper fan. I was caught up in the drama of it before I even auditioned for the part. I was already up to speed.

LH: I remember meeting you and thinking, “he fucking loves the show’.

PP: I kissed your ass.

LH: Well, it worked. We're friends now.

PP: I was like a tourist visiting the set, and yet I had to act with you and be in a scene with the characters that I had such a specific association with already.

LH: So you’re saying it’s boring?

PP: No, it wasn’t boring at all. It was extremely, relentlessly surreal.

LH: And who were your favourite characters up until that point?

PP: Not you.

LH: I realise that!

PP: There are too many characters to have a favourite, but I was fascinated by the Lannisters because they're so frightening. They scared me and then you would come in and pull sympathy from your audience somehow, and I found that rather fascinating. The Northerners were so easy to like or get behind, but it was quite something to see people sympathise with a Lannister, after you made people see things from their perspective.

LH: Speaking of being slightly ambiguous as a character, you come in as a major player and a very well-loved character in the eyes of people who read the books, and he’s somewhat of an anti-hero. Did you base him on anyone?

PP: What does an anti-hero mean exactly?

LH: It means he doesn't wear deodorant, doesn't it? [Laughs]. Someone you shouldn't champion, but you do, like Walter White in Breaking Bad.

PP: No, | didn’t really base him on anyone.

LH: Did you take anything from classic movies that you thought you could use and spin to your advantage playing the Red Viper?

PP: God, that’s a good question. I probably did subconsciously. Now I feel under the spotlight because I need to think of somebody, and I have so many in my mind! I think that’s something that is happening a lot in TV today: the anti-heroes are central to these television shows, and people are really getting behind them, even though they're not necessarily the most moral characters. So I'd say that ‘ve become more familiar with the character who's obviously very flawed but gets you on their side — you have complicated feelings about them. But I think I saw the story too much from this character's perspective to perceive any flaws.

LH: He has some.

PP: I know, from the outside. But I don't see any of them. What are his flaws?

LH: His flaws? He's a dirty bastard!

PP: Why is he a dirty bastard? He likes to fucking fight, for sure.

LH: Back to you as an actor. You've done it for a long time and, as we all know, the path is not always golden, and sometimes you think, “fuck it” and you want to leave it and do something else. Have there been moments where you wanted to give up?

PP: Yes, there have been moments where I came very close to giving up. But I never had anything to fall back on. I think you can understand that.

LH: Because were stupid?

PP: We're stupid.

LH: I can't even make pizza!

PP: We don’t have any other skills.

LH: None at all!

PP: And that’s the odd conundrum. You get to a point where you think, “This isn’t going to happen. This isn’t sustainable. I'm too exhausted, and it can't be good for me.” There were moments where I truly did try to formulate an idea of what I'd do. I thought I'd go back to school, start pre-med again and go to medical school or something like that.

LH: But that didn't happen, you just thought about it?

PP: Yes, I'd have thoughts, but it was still fantasy really. But at the time it felt like a practical life plan. Do you know what I mean?

LH: Yeah of course, you need to pay the fucking rent.

PP: Exactly. You just try to escape from the chaos of what you're feeling by trying to create order in your life. Order seems like a solution to save you from the pain of acting!

LH: It's a mental pain. Who was the first person you called when you got the role?

PP: My sister.

LH: Does she watch the show?

PP: Yes, she does.

LH: Pedro Pascal... or Pablo as I called you when I had too much wine, which was deeply insulting.

PP: Even family members have done that to me! Do I look more like a Pablo? Because it happens with about ninety-five percent of the people I meet.

LH: No, I think I’m just an ignorant drunk person.

PP: No, you were an ignorant drunk person that night is what you're saying.

LH: And now I’m educated.

PP: [Whispers] But | want you to call me Pablo.

LH: Ok, Pablo! When you first arrived on set in Northern Ireland, what was your feeling showing up to a bunch of British actors? Did it feel different to doing an American project?

PP: Yes, but I loved it. It wasn’t intimidating. I found it surreal because I’d watched and loved the show. I hadn't had the opportunity to work on something that I was really familiar with before, so it was overwhelming. But it was far more delightful than intimidating. Also you guys were really cool. Everyone was friendly.

LH: Oh, that’s just fake.

PP: Well, you guys were good at it!

LH: We know Game of Thrones is very popular obviously. Do you have any thoughts, or fears, about what this is going to bring you in terms of exposure?

PP: I have hope.

LH: Oh, God. I don’t mean to shatter that, but give it up.

PP: I don’t know really. It’s all been filmed, and now I'm back to my normal routine, so I haven't really thought about it. I remember when we finished filming and we were on our way to the airport, you asked me, “How does it feel you're all done?” and I couldn't really answer.

LH: You were quite emotional that day.

PP: I was very emotional because I’d had such an amazing time doing the part. Also just being there immersed in the experience... You described it to me best. You told me how I'd be feeling.

LH: We don't know your character's backstory when you enter the show, and you have some rather brutal scenes. Anyone who has read the books will know what I’m talking about.

PP: My character comes in, he stirs a bunch of shit up, and then he makes this fucking enormous exit. Now can | ask you a question?

LH: What is it? I’m not going to sleep with you. Give it up.

PP: Oh, come on! This has gone to shit and it’s your fault, so good luck to whoever has to edit it! But anyway, sometimes I'd hang out with the cast members and we'd go to dinner and they would get stopped constantly. There was no denying who they played because they were so recognisable, but you got away with it because you have this beautiful blonde wig on in the show, and in real life you are...

LH: Grey?

PP: {Laughs] No! You have beautiful chestnut hair! Is it liberating to not be recognised the way some of the other cast members are?

LH: Yes, it is liberating.

PP: Liberating being able to walk down an alley in Dubrovnik without being stopped?

LH: Yes, except sometimes | get recognised in the weirdest places. A woman was emptying my bag at Heathrow Airport's security gates and just went, “Are you the Queen?” while rummaging through my underwear. It was so fucking weird.

PP: It seems they're more respectful to you?

LH: Because they're frightened. Wait until they meet the Viper.

PP: Well, that covers it.

LH: I think we're going to get our own show out of this, you know

Interested in learning more about Pedro? Check out Pedro Pascal Unofficial on Pinterest!

#pedro pascal #lena headey #hunger magazine #shot October 2013 #published December 2014 #game of thrones #queen cersei #prince oberyn #oberyn #oberyn martell #hunger tv

[aphrostarot]

Shitty Friendship Pick a Pile

Recently I have been feeling that a lot of people in the collective are currently in some very shaky friendships. One of these messages may be for you if this is the case. I really hope that this will help a few of you. If you would like a personal reading please feel free to dm me!

*Please read before you pick a pile*

I say spirit when I am channeling and writing out your readings, if you do not believe in spirit that is totally okay, this message is still meant for you if you feel that it is! Whatever you believe in is valid and you can ignore when I say spirit and replace it with whoever you believe is giving you this message. If you have any questions or you just want to talk about this feel free to dm me!

Pile One (Amazonite):

Why is your friend treating you like garbage?

Ace of Swords:

Ace of Swords is either a card of great love or great hatred. I believe it is the latter in your case. It seems that you have a case of frenemies on your hands. The person is only pretending to be your friend. Despite appearing to like you, they don't really care about you. This may be hard to hear and I am very sorry that you are going through this.

Why have you been tolerating this shitty treatment?

Two of Pentacles:

Balance is important to you. If you stand up for yourself, you think it will upset the balance in your life. There is an imbalance in your life, Spirit says. To have a balanced relationship, both of you must be happy, and them treating you like shit will make them happy, but it won't make you happy. You need to realize this so you can regain your balance in life.

How has their negativity been affecting your life?

Three of Pentacles:

This is the card of apprenticeship, of learning. The impression I get is that you are usually the person who is always curious and loves to learn. But, your desire for knowledge has been negatively affected by this relationship. Because of this person, you don't want to do this anymore because you feel unworthy.

How will your life be if you continue to stay in this friendship?

Knight of Swords:

This card represents aggression. Spirit is telling you that if you remain in this friendship, it will turn sour and one or both of you are going to become aggressive. The energy I feel from you is not aggressive. Spirit doesn't want you to continue on this path because it will make you into someone you are not.

How can you let go of them?

Death:

Clearly, this is the ultimate expression of letting go. Ultimately, death tells you to move on and let go. In my opinion, going through a death cycle is a very positive experience. As it allows you to heal and blossom into a better version of yourself, it is a good thing. Spirit says you need to let go of them and go through this death cycle in order to move on.

How can you heal?

The Lovers:

As you begin your healing process, Spirit says you need to start loving yourself. Though you may believe that you love yourself, by accepting negativity in your life, there is a part of you that doesn't. Spirit says that once you do this, you will begin to heal.

Five of Pentacles:

As a result of this relationship, you are in a very depressive state. Spirit says that if you want to heal from this person, you need to get yourself out of this state.

Pile Two (Amethyst):

Why is your friend treating you like garbage?

Six of Swords:

Your friend may be extremely jealous of you because you've made some great progress in your life recently. Your success in life may make them feel like you are leaving them behind or they cannot compete with you.

Justice:

Because they are extremely jealous of you and the progress you are making, they feel like the only way to get justice for themselves is by taking it out on you. The way they are doing it is obviously not the right way to go about it, but they feel that this is the best way to go.

Why have you been tolerating this shitty treatment?

Ten of Wands:

It scares you to think that life won't go smoothly. At all costs, you avoid burdens. You haven't dealt with this burden because of that. In accepting this treatment from this person, Spirit says that you are further burdening yourself.

How has their negativity been affecting your life?

High Priestess:

You have been hindered in your pursuit of spirituality by this negativity. You are a very spiritual person, and your friend's negativity is making it very difficult to further your spirituality.

How will your life be if you continue to stay in this friendship?

Judgment:

Spirit says that this relationship isn't meant to be and if you stay in it and accept negativity, the universe will work against you. If you don't listen to them, they say this will blow up in your face.

How can you let go of them?

Eight of Cups:

Moving on and letting go of the past are central to the Eight of Cups. Spirit is telling you that you need to move on. It represents a man who has left everything that he has accumulated over the years and is now ready to start anew. Spirit is telling you to do that.

Three of Wands:

The Three of Wands encourages you to try new things. As Spirit says, you must do something you don't normally do in order to let this go. It also recommends that you work in a team. Maybe you should ask for help from a different group of friends or family members.

How can you heal?

Eight of Pentacles:

Continue to seek knowledge. Take your passions from apprentice to master. You will heal when you advance in your talents and your success, says Spirit.

Knight of Pentacles:

This is the card of patience. Healing is not a fast process nor is it linear. You need to be patient with yourself in this time.

Pile Three (Fuchsite):

Why is your friend treating you like garbage?

The Lovers:

This gives me two energies. The first tells me that your friend got into a relationship and that their partner tells them lies about you or doesn't like you which then makes your friend treat you like crap. Another energy I feel is that your friend is in love with you and in denial about it. Because they don't want to be, they treat you like crap.

Eight of Wands:

Having this card come up as an explanation for your friend treating you badly, I would say that they dislike the way you communicate. It could also mean that they need to communicate something with you and have not done that, causing them to treat you badly.

Why have you been tolerating this shitty treatment?

Ten of Wands:

It scares you to think that life won't go smoothly. At all costs, you avoid burdens. You haven't dealt with this burden because of that. In accepting this treatment from this person, Spirit says that you are further burdening yourself.

How has their negativity been affecting your life?

Two of Wands:

Partnership is symbolized by this card. It doesn't always have to be romantic; it can also be platonic. There has been a negative impact on your partnerships due to this individual. Whether they are platonic or romantic.

The Magician:

Manifestation is the theme of this card. This person is also negatively affecting your manifestations. As long as you remain in this relationship, manifestations will be difficult to achieve, says Spirit.

Three of Wands:

The Three of Wands also represents partnership, but unlike the Two of Wands, it represents teamwork. Thus, this individual is not only hindering your one-on-one relationships but is also negatively affecting your group relationships.

Ace of Cups:

Another relationship card, but this one is related to romance. In other words, not only is this person putting a strain on your platonic relationships, but they are also making it hard for you to establish a romantic relationship.

How will your life be if you continue to stay in this friendship?

Nine of Wands:

This is the card of giving up, of feeling that nothing is happening in your life, and of not knowing why you're even trying. As long as you stay in this relationship, no progress can be made in your life and you will feel like you don't want to keep trying.

Five of Pentacles:

The main meaning of this card is poverty. The poverty represented by this card does not always have to be literal. It represents a great loss. If you remain in this relationship, Spirit says you will lose a lot. There is a risk of losing yourself.

How can you let go of them?

King of Pentacles:

The King of Pentacles is a very traditional individual. Spirit is telling you to take a more traditional approach when this card appears in a reading. In this situation, Spirit may be telling you to rely on your family, as the King of Pentacles represents following in your family's footsteps. You may be able to get help from them. Whether blood-related or not, family can be anyone you choose. Therefore, if you do not have close relationships with your family members, but do have a chosen family, you can rely on them.

How can you heal?

Two of Cups:

The card of soulmates, the card of true love. In this case, it could mean you are about to meet someone who will help you heal. It can also represent a best friend who is going to help you through this if it is not a romantic relationship. Spirit is telling you, in one way or another, that the person you are about to meet is someone you can trust. In the process of healing, they will show you the way you deserve to be loved.

Pile Four (Rose Quartz):

Why is your friend treating you like garbage?

Two of Cups:

Perhaps you recently found your soulmate, whether romantic or platonic. You are being treated like garbage because your friend is jealous. This person wants what you have and has chosen the path of being a bad friend.

Why have you been tolerating this shitty treatment?

Six of Swords:

You tolerate this treatment because you feel that you need this person in your life to move forward. Spirit says that this person is not helping you in your progress in life, they are actually hindering it. You do not deserve to be treated this way.

How has their negativity been affecting your life?

The Tower:

This is the card of destruction, of everything in your life crumbling to pieces. You are greatly distressed by this person's treatment. It seems that you know that this person affects you in this way, but you do nothing about it. A part of you may feel that you deserve this treatment to progress in your life. Spirit tells you you don't and that this treatment makes your progress much harder than it needs to be.

How will your life be if you continue to stay in this friendship?

Five of Cups:

This card is associated with great sadness. Spirit says that if you stay in this relationship, you will be extremely sad. You will find yourself in a very dark place.

The Lovers (reversed):

If you are already in a relationship Spirit is warning you that it will be at risk with you staying in this relationship. If you are not in a relationship then this is Spirit telling you that you will not be getting into one in the future if you stay in this friendship.

How can you let go of them?

Seven of Cups:

This is the card of multiple options and not knowing which one to choose. You have other options besides staying in this friendship, Spirit tells you. They want you to choose the one that is best for you and it is not you staying in a toxic friendship.

Eight of Wands:

Here, communication is key. Spirit wants you to talk to someone about what's going on. You may want to speak with this person about how their treatment is affecting you and how you feel you cannot continue this relationship.

How can you heal?

The Artist:

This card is specific to this Tarot deck, you will not find it in any other deck. This card represents creativity, and Spirit is telling you that connecting with your creativity is a great way to heal. Do something creative, it will help.

#pick a pile #pick a card #tarot messages #spirituality #astrology #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces

[iturbide]

Well, we both knew this was coming ever since I posted the ask game😂 8,9, 11,12, 16, 19, 20, 29 and 30!

we all knew it was coming

8. A scene/character moment you really liked?

One of the scenes I don't see talked about much at all but that I think about a lot is the one after Emmeryn's death, following the Shepherds' escape from Plegia and flight to Ferox. Chrom is at his lowest point, crushed by the weight of his failures, by the knowledge that he wasn't strong enough to save Emmeryn and she chose to sacrifice herself rather than let Gangrel win...and Robin reminds him, in that moment, about how powerless they were, not so long ago. How alone they had been, before Chrom offered his hand. They don't make light of Emmeryn's sacrifice, freely admitting that neither of them can match her on their own -- but that together, they can achieve so much more than they can individually. Robin reminds Chrom that he doesn't have to become his sister even if he fights for what she believed in, and assures him that even if he fails, they will be there to help him back up.

I've always loved that moment. It's the first time the game brings up the idea of bonds making people more powerful, and moreover it solidifies the bond that Chrom and Robin will share throughout the rest of the game: Robin promises to help Chrom up even if he should fall again...and I like to think that Chrom remembers that, and it's part of what motivates him to keep Robin by his side even after Validar forces Robin to turn on him once: he believes in those bonds, and knowing how low Robin is going to feel after that event, he wants to help pick Robin back up the same way Robin has helped him up countless times before.

9. What's something that should be brought back in future installments?

Well with the understanding that I am a filthy casual, I love having skirmishes as a leveling option. The older games are really hard for me to play because you have to really prioritize which units you use: there just aren't enough battles or experience to go around, making it impossible to really try to get a good feel for every character. Being able to have skirmishes, and moreover trigger additional skirmishes to level different characters, makes it easier to keep everyone in the same league, making it easier to pick units that will excel at a given map rather than being forced to take the only ones that have a suitable level even if they're poorly equipped (cavaliers on desert terrain please no). I'm really glad that 3H kept this aspect, even if it's mostly present on the lower difficulty modes (and once again it's great for Support grinding).

11. Talk about the game's themes!

"Our bonds give us strength" is probably my favorite thing about the whole damn game okay. I absolutely love that message, that together we are stronger than we are alone, and that it is through our friendships that our skills and talents truly shine. We can make each other better, not by berating each other, but by supporting each other, helping one another back up when we fail and striving to do better in the future. There's such a kind message in there that means a lot to me even now, and I tend to go on about it at length in...a lot of my stuff as you've probably noticed.

12. Your favorite cool details?

Okay this is really minor and silly but the Invisible Threads/Ties map?

I think this particular map is gorgeous. The colored stones radiating out from the central pedestal where the Fire Emblem sits, the Mark of Grima on the stairs leading up to the platform...just think about how much care and effort that kind of construction would require in the real world. This place is beautiful, and it's frankly a shame that we're forced to view it only as a place of evil. I can easily imagine this being a holy place, one of ancient rite and ritual; too bad we never get a chance to see it in better circumstances.

16. Favorite platonic relationship?

Robin and Lissa. Not because of the game, though (I actually don't like their supports that much) but because they're two people who can relate to one another in a really unique way. Robin is someone who has a Brand they do not want (at least once they know what it is); Lissa is someone who is lacking a Brand she should have. Both of them struggle with this, but the way they struggle -- particularly within the confines of Ylisse -- are likely very familiar, and I love the idea of them relating to one another and finding a confidante they can be open and honest with in ways they can't with others.

19. You get to make one more DLC for Awakening. What do you make?

Already covered! I don't have enough DLC ideas to put out more sadly

20. What do you feel is underappreciated about Awakening?

While I technically covered this one already, I think there are other things that are underappreciated. Like. The whole 'crusade' thing, and how Chrom's father, in Gangrel's own words, called them heathens and butchered countless Plegians. The game brings this up in one chapter -- and then it waves it off because Ylisseans suffered, too, and then forgets about it for the rest of the game. That's kind of a big thing to just drop, especially after a weak "both sides" remark. I don't even think IntSys appreciates the bombshell that really constitutes, given how they treat it -- which is a shame, because handled well it could have elevated the game even further.

29. What's an Awakening alt you want in Heroes?

Grandmaster Robin why are you taking so long to give us a Grandmaster Robin alt IntSys we haven't had an actual Robin since year 1 it's been Grimas the last two times I just want my badass tactician

30. Freebie!

Why doesn't Sumia have more supports??? She deserves so many more than she actually has and honestly one that I desperately wish I could have seen is Sumia and Kellam. Sumia, who has such low self-esteem that she wants to disappear into books and live other lives, Kellam who wants so desperately to be noticed even though no one ever sees him...imagine if Sumia was someone who could see him without issue. Imagine the two of them encouraging each other, bolstering one another's confidence and self-esteem, helping each other out -- Kellam helping Sumia cover up a clumsy mistake, Sumia giving Kellam flowers that help him get noticed. I just think they could have been so sweet and it's a travesty that IntSys wasted such a beautiful opportunity.

Awakening Ask Game

#answered #unsuspecting-person #ask game #fire emblem: awakening #cut for length because we all know me #i've been thinking a lot about kellam lately #and how many nice potential interactions there could have been #but that were wasted because intsys didn't take the opportunity #i want kellam and sumia to be friends so badly now