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natasha-in-space · 5 months

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Chain of Memories

Chapter 2 of A Wilted Daffodil.

Rika/cmc Chaewon Lee.

In the aftermath of Sally's passing, Chaewon finds herself learning a bit more about Rika's past, as well as finding something in common with her lively cousin. What started out as a shared discussion about an old photo ends up as a recounting of the first meeting that turned her life around.

A Wilted Daffodil: Ch.1, Ch. 2 (you are here!)

AO3 Link

It has been two weeks since Sally's unfortunate passing. Things were feeling... bleak, to say the least. Chaewon had to suffer through a long disciplinary lecture the morning after her reckless stunt of leaving her nursing post without a single care in the world. For the first time in a while, she didn't have a single thing to say in rebuttal: she just listened with her head hung low. After all, she really did act selfish and dangerously irresponsible, there was no doubt about it. She knew that. But, did she care, actually? No, not really. She just felt embarrassed over making a reckless fool out of herself in front of her colleagues like that. Lord knows she did not need any annoying gossip following her around. Still, she was reasonable enough to apologize and agree to any disciplinary action that would be taken against her. She was lucky enough to still have her job intact after causing such a huge mess. She wasn't about to start a ruckus over her ego getting hurt.

From then on, she would visit Jihyun's place once or twice a week to check in on Rika and offer her some support, even if it was clumsy and awkward.

She just couldn't stay away. Rika has stopped communicating with her as much as she did before this whole tragedy struck, and she couldn't really blame her friend for that. Aside from a couple of short messages every few days, Rika wouldn't talk much. To anyone, really, not just Chaewon. It was worrying. Even in person, it felt like Rika had all life sucked out of her: her green eyes dull and grief-stricken as they would look downwards, not meeting her gaze even once as they talked. Or, more accurately, as Chaewon would go through awkward one-sided monologs, since Rika would barely respond or even listen to anything being said to her, it seemed. It hurt to see her friend so overcome with her own grief like that, and being unable to do anything to ease her sorrow at least a little bit. It felt as if Rika wasn't even fully there, lost in her own head and thoughts. She doubted any of those thoughts were all that positive to begin with, which worried her greatly.

Chaewon sensed that Jihyun was also feeling some of Rika's pain. He seemed to share her feelings of hopelessness, but she had also noticed a tense aura of anxiety surrounding him as of late: his hands nervously wriggling together and his mint locks looking more messier than they usually did, giving him an unusually disheveled appearance. She could have sworn there were some bags under his eyes as well.

She lacked the mental fortitude to bring it up with him, though. Besides, he had Jumin for that.

Chaewon let out a heavy sigh as she was sorting through the many school books stacked on this one shelf, far too small for such a large number of things to be stored on it efficiently. Looking for a specific pair of notes in such a cramped mess was an irritating task, to say the least. Honestly, this reminded her of her own university days, and how disorganized it felt to step foot into her dorm room. Then again, that was probably just the result of her messy nature: her room was always a completely chaotic mess.

Rika would always pester her about that...

She shook that memory off with a single huff.

Helping Yoosung with his midterms in school wasn't her plan for the weekend, but she wouldn't deny that she desperately needed a distraction from all the doom and gloom that has been happening lately. His graduation was coming up closer and closer with every day, so he was as determined as ever to get good grades and get accepted into a prestigious university. Thanks to Rika's support and motivation, no doubt. While she wouldn't say that she and Rika's cousin were friends per se, they were on good enough terms to keep in contact with one another casually. The boy didn't seem to share that sentiment, though, as he would address her as a friend of his enough times for her to get the gist.

Maybe she just wasn't good at making friends. A pretty bad trait to have for a woman in her late twenties. Before she could get any further into the self-deprecating jokes, though, she finally managed to pinpoint the much-needed biology worksheets, stashed crudely in between a few other textbooks in the corner.

God, this shelf was a mess.

"Finally... Hey, I think I found the-"

Chaewon paused as a couple of photos slipped off the cramped shelf and landed on the floor of the apartment. Thankfully, it looked like nothing else was planning on tumbling down from there. For now. She definitely had no desire whatsoever to clean up a potential mess of school books and paperwork. With an annoyed click of her tongue, the she promptly kneeled down to pick up the fallen photos, inadvertently glancing over the contents of them. This made her stop, though, a thoughtful look crossing over her face. These seemed to be photos of Yoosung and Rika together... a few years back, maybe? She would guess these were taken at some charity event... or volunteer center. It kind of made her heart ache to see the bright smiles on the two cousins' faces, especially Rika's.

But... was that smile of hers truly as genuine and bright as it looked in these photos?

...What a strange thought.

"What's up? Did you find them?"

The young man's voice pulled Chaewon out of her momentary trance, as she quickly realized that she was still in her crouching position, completely transfixed on the two photos now resting in her hands. She quickly shook her head, getting back up and dusting herself off, before handing Yoosung her findings. "When was this? You look pretty young."

Since she wasn't able to concentrate on schoolwork, she decided to go ahead and ask.

Yoosung's eyes widened slighly as he gazed at the two photos, recognition flashing on his face. He took the pictures from her, looking over them with a wistful look in his eyes. These must have brought up some memories for him. "Oh... This is... From middle school, I think. Back when I was just getting to know Rika."

"Wait- Middle school? I thought you two knew each other early on. Aren't you two family?" Chaewon raised her brows, a bit puzzled to hear that. Yoosung and Rika were so close that she just automatically assumed they had grown up together as cousins do. Of course, she did know that Yoosung and Rika weren't related by blood, but... still, it felt confusing to hear this new information.

Yoosung shook his head, sat down on his bed and patted down the area next to him, inviting her to sit down as well. She accepted, looking back down at the photo he was holding in his hands with newfound interest.

"No, I first met her when I was in 6th grade, actually. At a family diner."

"Huh. Didn’t expect that." Chaewon noted in a deadpan voice, shaking her head a little.

Yoosung chuckled and shook his head a little before continuing. "Would you believe me if I told you I went to her only because I needed to satisfy my school's volunteering requirements? My mom kind of forced me into meeting her, to be completely honest."

Chaewon was in a state of shock as her mouth fell open. This was so drastically different from what she expected. With the way Yoosung admired his cousin, she had a hard time picturing him being reluctant to spend time with her at all. "No way."

"Surprising, isn't it?" He chuckled, nodding in the understanding at her baffled reaction. As he gazed at the photo in his hand, tracing a delicate finger over it, his smile became more wistful. "I was in it for the volunteering requirements at first... But, she made me see it in a completely different way. I always viewed it all as pointless time waste pushed on us students by the school board, but... she made me feel proud of myself, for the first time in a while. Like what I did had meaning."

Chaewon swallowed, feeling a familiar flutter in her chest. The butterflies were as stubborn as they were cruel: scratching at her ribcage with their wings and demanding to be set free. She pushed it all down, as she always did. "...I know how that feels."

"You know, you never told me of how you and Rika first met either. I know you two met in the hospital you work in, but... Now I'm curious to hear the full story!" The young man chirped, looking up at her expectedly. Yoosung really reminded her of her younger brother at times. Chaewon sighed, running a hand through her dark locks absentmindedly. She usually wasn't one for sharing bits of her personal life like this, but... He did just told her what she wanted to know. The least she could do was repay the favor.

Her shoulders were squared. "Alright, fair enough. It was... untraditional, to say the least."

･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ .

Chaewon was seated at her brand new nursing post, sipping at her mediocre cup of coffee leisurely and taking in the surroundings of the hospital that had become her new home now. The ungodly hours she was assigned to work for the next week or so definitely made it feel that way. Then again, maybe she was being a bit too harsh and spoiled, but she couldn't help how she felt. At least her parents were proud of her for snatching a stable and well-paying job... But, unfortunately, that's where the pros would end.

Not like she had any right to complain when she was the one who ended up pursuing this career path for herself out of nothing but resignation. At the very least, this hospital had a gym that was pretty usable. She hoped she'd be able to get some exercise done in between her duties. That would help keep her mind off all this self-pity crap.

She heaved a deep breath and takes another sip, relishing in the bitterness the coffee creates as it races down her throat. Drinking on the job would be pretty irresponsible, so lukewarm coffee from the nearest break room will have to do. Although she would have really liked to go for some whiskey right now. While she was not much of a drinker usually, sometimes it's the only way to feel a little bit better. Or, rather, the only way to dull out all the negative thoughts buzzing around in her head.

Pretty pathetic, if you ask her.

She knew it was just a distraction. Barely a solution. She was too uninterested to take any action in her situation. So, temporary distractions will have to do for now.

Chaewon was seriously contemplating whether or not she should try to hide away in the break room when she felt the air change. The small gust of wind that always followed the opening of the door into the hall was probably the reason. She could see a small group of visitors further down the hall, steadily approaching the nursing post. Probably loved ones of the patients on this floor... And, it looks like some of them have already forgotten to leave their coats in the checking room. Or didn't care to. Great.

Pursing her lips, she surveyed the small group of people, quickly taking note of everyone's mood and appearance. It was a natural thing to do. It's important to mentally prepare for a social interaction before engaging in it.

That is, until her gaze stopped on a short, blond haired woman, staring back at her with a pair of piercing green eyes that were oddly hard to look away from.

The world around her seemed to fade away as the young woman's appearance takes her breath away. The thoughts that had been swirling around in her head for hours now seemed a hundred light years away...

Oh, God, she's staring, isn't she? This definitely doesn't look good. Shaking off the momentary daze, she quickly redirected her gaze to the first thing that catches her attention at her desk: which are some reports she has been procrastinating on for a few hours now.

Chaewon wasn't a stranger to momentary attraction, but she’d prefer to stay away from those kinds of things right now. Wouldn't be a good look to get distracted by a pretty stranger on her first day on the job.

That girl is certainly breathtaking, there's no doubt about it. It was hard not to feel drawn to her when the light from the window framed her gorgeous golden locks in such a way, that it almost looked as if they were glowing. But there also seemed to be a bit of something else to her. Something Chaewon couldn't quite put her finger on. That stranger is intriguing and her looks certainly got her spine tingling, but more than that, she found herself wanting to get to know her… Maybe, just as a friend.

-And such a thought was alarming.

Chaewon was okay with physical attraction. The whole: 'sleeping with someone just to get it out of her system' thing. She was content to let some of the women in her life go without knowing their names, even though it was uncommon for such a thing to happen. Because learning someone's name means asking about them as a person, and asking about them as a person means getting emotionally involved, and she had no interest in that for any reason whatsoever. Not with her life being a complete wreck right now.

So, she ignores it all and lets everything else come rushing back at her at once. The blinding hospital lights, the distant chatter of the visitors, the bitter taste of coffee on her tongue, and it feels as if her every sense is being assaulted by something unpleasant once again. Despite only being thirty seconds long, the encounter between her and the mysterious woman felt much longer.

Thankfully, just as she was about to have a small mental crisis, she felt one of her colleagues take a seat next to her. It was a perfect opportunity for escape before she did something stupid. She stood up abruptly, grabbed her half-empty coffee cup, and sweeped by before she could be stopped.

"I need to go to the break room. It's urgent."

Lying came easily to her, almost embarrassingly so. Her colleague's protests were ignored as she hurriedly stomped through the corridor, her eyes cast low. She needed to clear her head.

However, maybe she should have paid better attention to her surroundings - a fact she quickly got reminded of once she felt herself bump into something. Or, rather, someone. Someone who had a cute gasp and a perfume that was sickeningly sweet.

"Oh-!"

Acting on instinct alone, Chaewon quickly steadyed the shorter stranger by the shoulders, her eyes widening once she was met with the same rich green color that stole her breath moments prior. And an ugly blotch of black that was slowly forming on the woman's light dress.

...Did she seriously just spill coffee on the same girl she got interested in, almost tripping her in the process? She was unsure if she should laugh or cry.

"Shit- I am so sorry! Are you alright, miss...?" Awkward apologies quickly tumbled out of her mouth, her hands shaking a little as she felt her heart start to race: partially from the mortifying circumstances of it all, and partially due to her embarrassing attraction to this stranger. It was good that her coffee was only lukewarm, so she didn't have to worry about burning the woman. Only ruining her dress. Just slightly less humiliating.

The stranger laughed, taking a couple of steps back as she looked down at her now stained dress, waving off Chaewon's nervous chatter with a polite smile. A much more subdued reaction than what she would have expected, honestly. "Ah... No, please, don't worry! I'm alright. It's my fault for being too absentmind anyways."

Chaewon blinked, astonished by the kind-hearted response. She had every right to get upset, or angry, and she just... took the blame instead? Some part of her wanted to scold this stranger for being so dangerously altruistic. Of course, she bit her tongue at such a thought. Instead, she shook her head, taking a step forward. "I'm a nurse. It's my responsibility to be aware of my surroundings and be mindful of everyone's safety in this hospital. I could gave seriously hurt you, and that isn't right. Please, let me make it up to you. At least let me buy you something at the cafeteria."

Wait, what the hell did she just say...?

"Ah... Would that be alright for you to do on a job though?"

Of course not. Chaewon could already hear her colleagues giving her a piece of their minds when she returns to her post. As she rightfully deserves.

"-I was just about to go on a break, actually. Please, it's the least I could do."

･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ .

So, that's how she found herself engrossed in a long conversation with this charming stranger over a cup of coffee. Not the cheap cupboard-like parody she was forcing herself to gulp down minutes prior, but a proper and rich drink that made your belly buzz with the pleasant warmth. Was she just trying to impress her new acquaintance? Maybe. Either way, she did feel genuine remorse for knocking into her so unceremoniously, so treating her to a tasty drink was the least she could do.

Rika - which, as she learned, was the young woman's name - turned out to be a sweet and somewhat witty individual. Though, at certain times, Chaewon felt like she was holding back a little. On what, she wasn't sure entirely, nor was she one to pry. She could only guess this from the rather distant glint in her eyes that would appear from time to time. Rika was good with conversation too, quickly impressing Chaewon with her vast knowledge of a whole lot of different subjects. She refused to talk about her reason for being at this hospital, though, and that was okay with Chaewon, too. It wasn't her business. But, it did make her chest ache a bit to wonder whether or not the subject was a painful one. Rika seemed like such a lovely and kindhearted person... too good to have to go through something like grief and loss.

She sure grew attached to this new stranger quickly. Before she knew it, she found herself opening up all about her frustrations with her current situation, finding it so easy to just spill her heart out to this person, who was technically still just a stranger to her.

"So, you don't find what you do in life fulfilling... Yet, I can see that you have a passionate heart. It's like there is a fire burning in your eyes, no matter how much you try to turn your back on it. There is something you want to do, isn't there?" Rika's voice was soft and welcoming. Despite being strange, her words are thought-provoking. It's like she could see things not even Chaewon herself was aware of, and such a thought made her breath hitch.

It was both scary and alluring.

She looked down, her brows furrowed a little. "...Perhaps there is. But, it's not a path I can follow anymore. I have to make do with what I have."

"You are a loyal person. I admire that." Rika hummed, her golden locks falling over her shoulder like little rays of sunlight streaming through the window. It was a challenge not to stare. "Perhaps, you feel like you lack purpose because you don't think that your actions have any effect on those around you. You feel like you lack any worth to the world, so you decide to condemn your own passions instead."

"That... sounds kind of complicated."

Rika giggles and nods in agreement. Her finger traces the brims of her cup delicately as she explains her thoughts further. "All our pain and suffering arises from the fear of not being loved. And all of our happiness comes from us being recognized in the eyes of others, being loved and perceived by others as we truly are. So, when we find ourselves stuck in a situation where our heart longs to be recognized, yet our circumstances keep us isolated... It becomes painful."

"Well, I wouldn't say I am unloved... My family loves me, I have a few people I can go out for drinks with on weekends, and I don't have to worry about money. Many have it far worse than me. I'm just... whining about not liking my job is all." Chaewon stated, sipping at her coffee in thought. The way Rika was talking was... unusual. Intriguing. Her mind was filled with thoughts and questions she had never even contemplated before.

"But, does your soul feels like it is loved?"

Chaewon can only reply in silence, staring down at her own reflection on the cafeteria table. The answer came to her mind immediately, but she couldn't voice it. Instead, she said something else that was on her mind as well.

"...Does yours?"

As she raised her eyes back up at Rika's face, she sees a look of surprise flickering over her soft features, her hand freezing where it was tapping against the coffee cup moments prior. They are both silent now, just staring at one another in a strange moment of uncertainty. The quiet sound of Rika's phone notification shook up this brief interaction, prompting her to stand up and gather her things. Chaewon suddenly felt her warm hand suddenly pressing against her shoulder.

"Well, it was lovely getting to meet you, Chaewon. You are a very passionate person with a devoted heart, even if you don’t think so. I wish you'll find what your soul is searching for."

Before she realizes it, she's following Rika's footsteps out of the cafeteria, once her brain catches up with her body.

"Wait- Rika!" Chaewon called out to her, making her stop right at the door as she turns to her face, her eyes wide with surprise. Oddly enough, she didn't feel all that embarrassed about making a ruckus. She just speeds up her pace until she is a step away from her. Once again, acting on impulse alone, she placed her hand on Rika's shoulder and squeezes, repeating the same action that she just did to her herself.

"Listen, I don't know you, and you don't know me. I know that. But, I... I had a really good time talking with you today, despite how... awkward our first encounter turned out. Point is... you intrigue me, and now I want to get to know you better. All we did was talk about me, and... I'd like to repay the favor. If... If you'd allow me." She mumbles Rika, the words rushing out her mouth on a whim. She’d never prompted for a second meeting with someone herself before... but, the idea of never seeing her again was, honestly, quite daunting. Her desire was to learn more and gain insight into her inner world, even if it was only for a brief moment.

So, she took a leap of faith.

Chaewon observes her searching her face for a brief moment - she was unsure of what she was looking for, but she held her gaze firm, planted her feet on the ground, and refused to give up. And then, Rika smiles, placing her soft hand atop of hers that was on her upper arm, the touch sending her heart fluttering.

"You shouldn't want to get to know more about me, Chaewon... But, I admit, you... intrigue me, too. I would love a chance to see you again. How about I give you my number?"

"That would be perfect."

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #rika kim #kim rika #mystic messenger rika #rika x oc #oc chaewon lee #rika x chaewon #yoosung kim #IT'S FINALLY DONE #yipee yipee #self indulgent cmc writing my beloved #gonna finally update my ao3 once i rest a bit - i've been seriously slacking on it 💀#anyway this was based off of a chat you have with yoosung in his route and a few vn's during v's route and christmas dlc!#more x reader writings will be coming soon! lots of wip's waiting for me to finally get back to them #but for now #it's silly oc stories for me ;)

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ahb-writes · 2 years

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Book Review: ‘My Youth Romantic Comedy...” #12

My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, As I Expected, Vol. 12 by Wataru Watari My rating: 5 of 5 stars So, then, where are they going, and how much energy will they expend to get there? Hikigaya, Yukinoshita, and Yuigahama have found themselves invested in one another to such a precarious extent that when one suffers the perils of an overextended youth, they all suffer. It wasn't always this way. Three minds. Three hearts. Three intuitions. They each had their own way of experiencing youth, fighting their way through its many thorny tendrils, and escaping with one or two hopes, or presumptions, for the future. But as readers learn through MY YOUTH ROMANTIC COMEDY. . .#12, the survival of like minds and like hearts begets the convergence of a likewise intuition. The novel focuses on these three teenagers' increasingly dependent emotional fortitude. More specifically, the novel focuses on the wayfinding and crossroads of which Yukinoshita must navigate. Yukinoshita has a decision to make. Lots of decisions. Few of which will spell happiness for the intelligent young woman. Readers already know her family's social and political prowess as businesspeople, politicians, and community influencers. Readers already know her sister, Haruno, fits into the mold of the marionette so inexplicably well because the woman's taste for what's new, changing, and energizing will never be sated. Readers already know Mrs. Yukinoshita, her mother, carries "final boss" level ego to the point at which girlish, youthful independence is viewed so tepidly, the woman treats it no more seriously than a fashion trend or a fad. Does Yukinoshita wish to follow the family blueprint? Lead the family business with incisive grit? Become a shrewd socialite with a kind smile and a barbed tongue? She can. Absolutely. But it wouldn't be her decision. It wouldn't be her path. Even if she succeeded. Even if she applied all of her intelligence and tact, and met everyone's expectations, the Adult Yukinoshita at the end of that path wouldn't be legitimate. She wouldn't be real. Independence rarely comes easy. And so, Yukinoshita, nearing her final year of high school, has a decision to make. Lots of decisions. "Dreams, hobbies, clubs, or any of the possibilities that could have been born there would be cleanly melted down to be re-poured into the mold of the adult that society demanded" (p. 147). MY YOUTH ROMANTIC COMEDY. . .#12 picks up precisely where the previous volume left off (and, notably, concludes in such a way that the following volume will likely do the same). Yukinoshita seeks emotional support from Hikigaya and Yuigahama. She wants to negotiate the cost of seeking her independence. But she fears the thudding swell of anxiety in her chest is more a harbinger of things to come than the clarion call of an cleansing truth. Hikigaya understands. He acknowledges the once trivial silences that permeated the relationship between he and Yukinoshita and Yuigahama now carry more weight than he alone can bear. "The time we'd spent together filled less than a year. Of that time, there'd been lots we'd remembered, more we'd forgotten, and much we'd pretended to forget" (p. 21). And so, in that one year's time, they've muddled through a wild number of exploits, frustrations, games, stubbed toes, and genuine surprises. But they're friends now. And friends help friends in need. The question, however, for Hikigaya, is to what extent he'll venture to hold fast to this new reality to prevent it from spiraling beyond his control. Will he succumb to debating Haruno on the veracity of his interpersonal relationships? Will he set aside the heated nausea roiling in his gut and contrive a plan to rebut the venomous ferocity of Mrs. Yukinoshita's overzealous parenting? Admittedly, these are somewhat rhetorical questions. But the novel goes through commendable lengths to show readers why these questions need to be asked as much as what the obvious and nonobvious consequences are for daring to respond to them. Yukino Yukinoshita can make a decision for herself. She can decide her future for herself. That's not what this is about. The real challenge is whether anyone will support her when she reaches her final threshold. And if that support fatefully arrives, who is to say the preexisting barriers to her independence will yield? Hikigaya is less focused on but nevertheless mindful of how his dedication to Yukinoshita's sense of self necessarily overlaps with how he trusts, perceives, and engages the other young women in his life. The boy's humility is slow-dawning, almost agonizingly so, and his modestly successful bargaining of adolescent pathos feels freshly grievous for how long and raw it grinds on his heart. In a surprising but serviceable departure from the standard narrative, the author of MY YOUTH ROMANTIC COMEDY. . .#12 introduces a handful of interludes, intercalary chapters, to showcase Yuigahama's feelings for Hikigaya. The interludes, however, match the muted tone of the overall novel. In short, they make good on the girl's dark note in the previous volume: "I'm not as nice as you think I am" (#11, p. 184). On the inside, Yuigahama is not an aster flower, eternally craning her neck to wherever the sun might shine. She's clever, yes. And she's resilient, yes. But she's also exhausted. Interminably exhausted. Yuigahama weighs the truth and the fear of her affection for Hikigaya with Yukinoshita's affection for Hikigaya. But again, Yuigahama is a clever and resilient girl. She sees everything. She understands the type of relationship Hikigaya needs, and the sundered reality in which his identity best thrives. Yuigahama also understands, with deeper and deeper sadness, that what Hikigaya seeks is not what she is willing to give up. Elsewhere, the interlocking uncertainties continue. Iroha Isshiki, the first-year student council president, is as annoying as ever. But beneath the girl's veneer of caustic ebullience, she chokes out a good idea or two. She's still "an ultra-cunning devilish imp" (p. 162) and a "bewitching little devil" (p. 184), for how she cajoles other students into helping her throw together a prom-style graduation celebration with only a month left in the school year. But she sobers up and drills into Hikigaya for his long-marinating and increasingly unpleasant Big-Sister turned Madonna-Whore complex. The cutesy and irate little girl aptly matures in real time. And then there's little Komachi. Hikigaya-the-younger-sister completes her high-school entrance exams and it's a mad dash. There's a lot of bottling up of emotions, a lot of respectful nodding, a lot of pre-made breakfasts and promises of lunch-date celebrations. But in the end, with a hug and some tears, the splinter plot of the entrance exams lend the novel a pleasant breath of fresh air. Hikigaya admits he's too attached to his kid sister. He knows he has to let her go. But he also knows, in some funny little way, that no matter how much Komachi demands they "wean" themselves off of one another, a bit of support every now and then is a good thing. MY YOUTH ROMANTIC COMEDY. . .#12 is a daunting read for way the author has dutifully structured the novel as what may be the rising action of the novel series' climax and denouement. The book is full of emotional conflict. Unresolved intellectual curiosity. Vague implications of resolution. Simplified assurances of a redoubled conflict. And more. The prom-style event receives pushback. Will it be canceled? What will happen to the hard work of the student council? Of the Service Club? Mrs. Yukinoshita is intent on berating Yukinoshita into doing what's best, even if it's not in the girl's personal, best interest. Will the young woman comply? What will happen to all of her hard work? Yuigahama spies heroism in Hikigaya's latent, bull-nosed humility. Will she fight for it? She believes she's fooled others, fooled Hikigaya, into tending to the needs of others, because her own needs have already been met. But what if, in the end, Yuigahama's merely fooling herself? Alas, this deep and ancient pool of human pathos cares not whose toes tease its temperature. And what about Haruno's shame? A woman who is "beautiful, enchanting, with an intoxicating ring to her voice, like it would haunt you till death," and yet, while "she never does show her true face, but she'll deliberately show you the cracks in the mask. I still don't know what her truth is," Hikigaya muses (p. 56, 58). Among the unfurling flights of pity readers have discerned within the heart of Yukinoshita-the-elder-sister, from the previous volume to the current, the woman's sneering attitude toward emotional vulnerability remains at the dreadful vanguard. Haruno Yukinoshita hunts down, strangles into submission, and then gleefully toys with the intuitions of others; she is a marauder of the heart. But why? MY YOUTH ROMANTIC COMEDY. . .#12 offers a very narrow, but very probable glimpse as to the answer. When Mrs. Yukinoshita talks down to her youngest daughter, Haruno asserts boredom and chitters away about the inevitability of such things. When Hikigaya proposes dependability in the face of vaunted social pressures, Haruno slaps him down with barking laughter and a snide comment on the frailty of youth. When Yukinoshita says she wants to talk about her future, from square one, Haruno swigs a bottle of champagne and pretends to be drunk, because the honesty of youth in search of independence leaves a bad taste in her mouth (Haruno: "Giving up and letting go is how you become an adult," p. 54). Haruno's real shame, or her errant ferrying of intermittent shamelessness, one might argue, rests in her deliberate ushering of her younger sister into the hazards of adulthood. That is, forcing Yukinoshita to make or endure the same, or a greater, magnitude of personal sacrifice along the way. Haruno's gusto amounts to the cold, dry, venal ecstasy of driving a counterpart so earnestly toward success that failure amounts to a shrug of the shoulder, a flip of a coin, or a watered-down drink in a dim, lonely, smoky bar. Why? Because Haruno Yukinoshita is a bitter woman.

Light-Novel Reviews || ahb writes on Good Reads

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threehousing · 1 year

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please tell me more about annette's mom and uncle having an affair this is hilarious lkfjglfdjglkdjl did he sang serenades to her did they have long walks on the beach did she gift him an embroidered handkerchief for him to keep in his breast pocket always

OKAY OKAY

so, Gustave's runs away to the church for what? Ten years? And before that, like Annette says (in her support with Dimitri I think?) he's not around much bc he's busy at Fhirdiad anyway.

And Annette and her mother stay with her dad's brother, the baron -- who explicitly tells Gustave he'll look after his wife:

(Image descs. in alt texts)

(oh you "swear" you'll "protect her", do you? 🤨😳)

And obviously this means nothing in reality, bc that's his sister in law so makes sense he's giving her somewhere to live while his brother neglects his family duties. BUT NEVERTHELESS I don't think it's a stretch to imagine something might have happened between Baron Dominic and Mama Dominic (rip the mothers of Fodlan god i wish you had names).

Like, picture this. Your husband has abandoned you and your daughter (possibly with no word? I don't remember if he actually tells anyone where he's gone and that he's chaged his name?). You're worried for your future -- any income from his job is a knight is gone, the Dominics don't own much land, and they're in we-have-no-money-and-our-land-is-cold-Faerghus, so the family of the 2nd brother probably isn't mega flushed with cash. Then, your daughter announces she wants to go to the School of Sorcery in Fhirdiad, so you'll be alone too. Lonely and uncertain about your future.

BUT. Your kindly brother in law, who looks reasonably similar to his brother, swoops in and tells you: hey, don't worry! You can stay with me! I'll fund your daughter's academics! I'll look after you both!! I'm sorry my brother's a deadbeat dad!

So he's got those features that attracted you to your husband. He's sweet, he's reassuring, he's offering you safety. Maybe he's not married? Maybe the spouse isn't in the picture? So you inevitably get pretty comfortable with him. Pretty close to this kind man who's been so good to you and such a rock in this storm. ARE YOU GONNA ACCIDENTALLY BE REALLY INTO THIS MAN? THIS DASHING HERO WHO SWOOPED IN TO SAVE YOU? MAYBE SO.

Like. What did he mean by this. What did he mean by this, hm Baron Dominic? Is that reason, maybe, the lovely and buxom ms dominic who u have, over these past ten years, fallen very much in love with? Do you maybe have a little resentment towards your brother for leaving her for so long? For throwing her away like that? Maybe enough resentment to feel comfortable enough raising your blade against him? Well.

They OF COURSE had long walks along the beach. Maybe they visit the Rhodos Coast when Annette's at the school of sorcery. Maybe he serenades her on the sands, maybe he praises her fortitude and beauty. Maybe, when Annette skips off to the Officer's Academy, Mama Dominic finally feels like she doesn't have to hide the truth from her daughter, so she feels safe enough to embroiders their initials onto a pretty little handkerchief for the baron to keep in his breast pocket, like two moonstruck teenagers. MAYBE THEY FOUND COMFORT IN EACH OTHER.

Also I just think this is so funny and awkward for Annette. Like, she has no idea until she comes back home after the battle at GM. This has been going on for several years and she was like, completely clueless bc she's been BUSY yknow, studying. So she rocks up back at home (putting aside the probable trauma from the whole. beginning of a war thing. bc that actually makes this quite sad and i'm going for levity rn) AND HER MUM AND UNCLE HAVE SHACKED UP LIKE. Just lets herself back in only to see her mother and uncle just sharing a lil kissy in the drawing room. babe i am so, deeply sorry. An extra trauma you don't need actually

Also, I know that Mama Dominic has game. I know in my heart that she does. She deserves to be cherished and get laid i think.

#annette dominic #storm.txt #why did i ramble so much here shyd im so sorry aksdjghkjsg #i am gonn be using this in my time skip fic tho. for sure. this has given me insp for the annette part lmaoooo #rip annette fantine dominic sorry babe #ALSO i think annette mentions a cousin in thropes??? so either he's married nd this would be a doubel affair (not what im going for)#or spouse is deceased in this scenario #in which case rip x2 for annette's cousin too #hey tumblr why’d u keep deleting the last para

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hiitogata · 2 years

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Akudama band au

this was on my thoughts lately, but I was (once) got too absorbed on bandori garupa (and argonavis too) and came out with the headcanons of what if the akudama crew on a band au?

thinking of the band's music style is similar to Raise a suilen and Epsilon phi of Argonavis project because they incorporated rock and electronic music and I feel that suits them.

the headcanons are under the cut!

Swindler

she would be the main vocalist of the band

and the leader too!

she would come up with the lyrics, or she is the lyricist of the band (together with hacker)

the one who came up with the idea of forming a band and gathering the members.

really optimist about the idea even tho it doesnt goes well at times

her singing voice is so nice that people would think that how her voice matches the band's really concentrated music

Courier

his position is rhythm guitarist and co-vocalist of the band (the concept of the band is double vocalist and guitarist)

initially he wanted to be just the guitarist but swindler insists him to become co-vocal too because of his amazing singing voice😳

the resident composer of the band, and also the vice-leader of the group is ever swindler cant handle things as the leader

he is like hikawa sayo from garupa, he only came to make music and no friends, that's all. but over time that mindset changes.

Cutthroat

everyone on the band admires him for his fortitudeness despite he starts from zero

(((not me making him the guitar-vocal because his va also plays as a guitar-vocal on his band, sir vanity— pls check sir vanity out)))

the main guitarist of the band

oddly he doesn't had any talent of any musical instruments yet he just.... did it, very well.

joins the band because swindler's the one who made it

legit plays his guitar with no picks, or should I say shreds it with his own fingers.

even tho courier often scolds him for not using guitar picks and hurts himself for shredding too hard, he doesn't use one.

but if swindler asks him to, he would.

Hoodlum

on the band, his position is the bassist

the mood maker of the band

when he first join the band he would often questions his ability when he was met with amazing people on the band.

but slowly he embrace his desire to play and have fun

lowkey joins the band because brawler was interested on it (basically tails him)

he chose the bass because he wants to support the band (much like how bass players would support the music), even tho he wants to be in the spotlight like the two guitarists...

Brawler

The drummer of the band, and he claims to be good at it

he was questionable at first but his ability was pretty nice.

picks up on drum because apparently he needs something to distract his urge to hit someone, and yeah that works in a way

besties with hoodlum even before joining the band

also the mood maker, tho he often makes trouble :")

Doctor

the keyboardist is her position

well she doesnt has any interest on joining the band in the first place, but swindler asks her to join since she saw her skills

the responsible adult aside from courier who takes care of pretty much everything (livehouse schedules, training menus, and physical exercise for the band members)

she also looks out for the members' health and makes sure that everyone doesnt hurt from playing too much (though she would often shrugs away from that kind of things)

somehow she was very competitive so when there's a showdown between bands she would be the one who would collect informations (with her own ways of course)

her fingers are very flexible to adjust her skills on the keyboard, that said.

Hacker

amazingly, he got the DJ position (yes in garupa that position exists)

the lyricist together with swindler

the youngest of the band yet he was a prodigy

keeps the band cool-headed

the one who researches on other bands (together with doctor) and advices the members on what they need to improve

apparently everyone also looks up to him due to his analytical skills

the one who holds the braincell, really

well I guess I had let out pretty much everything from my head regarding this🏃

#akudama drive #headcanons

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yeetlinglaozus · 3 years

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For the sake of the point I will be making here I have to first ask that everyone please put aside their own personal feelings and read this as objectively as possible. I don't want to step on anyone's heartstrings or offend anyone by accidentally making them feel some type of way. None of you are wrong for your thoughts or feelings, I just want to create as drama-free a discourse as possible.

So, Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan made an appearance at the Tencent Starlight Awards and, in my opinion, redeemed 2020 as a year because I never thought I would see them on stage together (at least not this soon after, well, everything). I'm incredibly thankful that we were given such a treat! They looked handsome and stunning as always and I fully commend their stylists for the choices they made here, which if any of you have ever held a personal conversation with me you'll know that is major praise from me given that it is also my job. I adore every bit of Yibo's continued aesthetic of Rich Sk8 Boi Elderly Woman Chic™ and Xiao Zhan looked timelessly sleek in his suits.

Moving on from their physical appearances, I have seen A LOT of people complaining about their demeanor over the course of the night. Many seem to claim and think that they looked sad or upset or any other synonym for it that you want to add here. I've seen people say that, because of this, they don't want them to appear together in public anymore since it's too heartbreaking to witness. I've read through so very many posts that go back and forth on how upsetting it is that they didn't interact and barely smiled and all sorts of other negative remarks.

If you ask me, it isn't that they looked sad or upset. More than anything they seemed weary and cautious and disinterested, as well as obviously tired. They lead extraordinary lives in the sense that anything ordinary that they do is put on blast and peered at by thousands upon thousands of fans and ripped apart. Naturally, due to this, anything spectacular that they do is looked at even moreso. Add that pressure to their work schedules, which are notoriously insane, and the year that XZ has had, and anyone can guess why this event was stilted for them. They took time out of their very full schedules to come out for this all while knowing that of all the present idols and celebrities, they would be looked at the hardest given the rumors that circulate over them. Can you imagine the mental fortitude that would take, especially for Xiao Zhan?

Here's the thing that has really irked me about the commentary regarding this awards show and prompted this special edition post: everybody seems to forget that they are regular people with a job. For them, this is about their careers, not about the rumors and speculative gossiping of their relationship. Yet, they had to factor these things into their undertaking of the event itself. So I say again: they are people with a job and we should all let them do their job. This never should have been treated as the reunion of yizhan when, for them, it was a night of being awarded for their hard work and a chance to promote their new dramas. All that hard work they put in has been debased by fans being upset about a lack of interaction between them and that saddens me greatly, when they really deserve the praise and acclaim.

Shipping them has been a double edged sword to their careers, simultaneously bringing in more fans and bolstering the scope of their careers while also cutting them down. I, myself, am a typical BXG clown and do all the things we're known to do (outside of antagonizing anyone for feeling differently) but I do it all while knowing that my role and scope as a fan is limited to being just that, a fan. I'm not here to discredit their careers by so avidly shipping them that I lose sight of their reality as two real world people with feelings of their own. I know the boundaries of shipping them, and I think it should be more about showing support for them individually as artists and entertainers first and then as people with a connection and bond, whatever the nature of it may be. Their personal lives are not meant to be anyone's entertainment.

Setting aside the shipping, and looking at the actions of the awards show, I'd like to bring to light the biggest indicator of them being outwardly disinterested and tired rather than simply sad. They both elected to not sit in the VIP section among the other stars and weren't featured on the starcam. Whether they were together backstage or not, the point is that they chose to be absent from the public eye and remain unseen which isn't typical of their public personas. To me, this is extremely telling of them more or less being over it all. They deal with a lot of added stress and pressure due to the shipping and the inherent drama that exists among the fanbase and it has been an especially intense year. They are tired, they are human, they are entitled to privacy and to not have every tiny moment of their lives picked apart.

I wish I saw more people talking about the performances themselves or the fact that this was a successful night for Xiao Zhan given that he's still in the midst of a "comeback" and probably had a lot of mixed feelings about showing up and being in the spotlight again. He was moved to tears during his performance by the red ocean that lit up just for him and honestly I cried with him because it was that special. For every instance you could feel disappointed, there's twice as many reasons to be proud and happy of these hard working men.

PS. Comparing this year to last year isn't very valid or helpful when you take into consideration that last year they specifically appeared together in promotion of ChenQing Ling, just as they did with Zhang Liying and Yang Zi this year. Again, this is their job and they should be allowed to do it without having to fret about whether one of them is or isn't in attendance and how they should act in accordance.

Thank you for your time.

#i wasn't going to make a comment about all this. and yet here i am with a LOT of comments #long post #wang yibo #xiao zhan #yizhan #bjyx #boxiao #tencent #bozhan #bjyxszd #bxg

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grailfinders · 3 years

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Fate and Phantasms #150: Merlin

Today on Fate and Phantasms we’re finishing the last build in Observer on Timeless Temple, the man who broke the meta, Merlin! I’ll be honest, I really wasn’t expecting we’d make it this far. Anyway, you’re a Divination Wizard, because no shit. You’re a wizard, you can see the future, you kinda cheat at life, everything else just falls into place. You’re also a Fighter, because you also keep a shortsword stashed in your staff in case of emergencies.

Check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

Next up: A dimension-hopping bisexual. That’s not a phrase I ever thought I’d say, but I’m glad I did.

Race and Background

Merlin’s half Incubus, giving him immense magical power. Thankfully we can match that lineage one for one with the Abyssal Tiefling, an old UA that gives you +2 Intelligence, +1 Charisma, Darkvision, Abyssal Fortitude for half your level (rounded down, minimum 1) in extra HP, and Abyssal Arcana. That last one’s a bit complicated, so give us a second.

Each long rest, you randomly get one of six cantrips by rolling a d6 (aside from the one you just had, you have to re-roll if that happens). You can get Dancing Lights, True Strike, Light, Message, Spare the Dying, or Prestidigitation. You can cast that cantrip like you would any other cantrip at your disposal, although awkwardly enough they never mention what ability score you would use to cast it. (I would assume Charisma, but feel free to argue with your DM.) After you finish another long rest, replace the old cantrip with a new one.

Being stranded on the other side of the world makes you the premier Hermit, giving you proficiency with Arcana and Religion.

Ability Scores

You know literally everything, so make your Intelligence as high as possible. You also don’t have much difficulty avoiding the consequences of your actions, so it’s safe to say your Dexterity is pretty good too. You managed to catfish a not insignificant portion of the human race during the Goetia Crisis, so your Charisma is up there as well. Your Constitution isn’t as strong, you’re pretty much unkillable but I’ll be damned if Quetz didn’t try. Your Wisdom is rather low- you thought betraying the second sun was a good idea- but we’re dumping Strength. You are wizard, no big surprise.

Class Levels

1. First level wizards get proficiency in Intelligence and Wisdom saves, as well as History (you were there for quite a bit of it) and Insight (you watch people long enough eventually you notice patterns).

You also learn how to cast Spells using your Intelligence. Like all wizards you get an obscene number of spells, so we’ll just mention the ones that are very important to the character here, though the character sheet has a full list.

Mage Armor, of course is super important for any wizard, as is your caster balls (Magic Missile). I’d also grab Charm Person to make the whole Magi Marie thing a bit easier. You can also get Find Familiar, if you really want Cath Palug that badly.

Lastly, you get an Arcane Recovery, letting you regain spell slots with a total level equal to half your level rounded up on a short rest once per long rest. Not having slots sucks, don’t do that.

2. Second level wizards learn a specialty, and Divination basically lets you cheat at everything thanks to your Portents. At the end of a long rest, you roll two 20s and save those results. At any time before your next long rest, you can use one of those results to replace an attack, save, or ability roll you can see, once per turn. If you roll high, give it to Artoria. If you roll low, still give it to Artoria, it’ll be funny.

You also become a Divination Savant, making it cheaper and easier to copy divination spells.

3. Third level wizards get second level spells, but your Abyssal Arcana also grows stronger, giving you a random first level spell each long rest as well. You cast these spells as if you were using a second level spell slot once per long rest. They are Burning Hands, Charm Person, Magic Missile, Cure Wounds, Tasha’s Hideous Laughter, and Thunderwave. You’re a Grand Caster candidate, so it’s not like there’s a reason you couldn’t cast any of those.

We’re also spending your spells this level to enhance party members, with Enhance Ability and Magic Weapon helping out in and out of combat.

4. I know we just got cure wounds last level, but that’s a one in six chance of using it once per long rest. I’d hardly call that meta breaking. We’ll fix that by using your first Ability Score Improvement to grab the Magic Initiate feat, giving you the spells Light, Minor Illusion, and Cure Wounds more consistently (the last one is still once per long rest though).

5. Fifth level Abyssal Tieflings get one last boost to their Abyssal Arcana, giving them one of six second level spells each long rest. You could get Alter Self, Darkness, Invisibility, Levitate, Mirror Image, or Spider Climb.

You also learn Dispel Magic to break through Tiamat’s Chaos Tide.

6. Sixth level divination wizards have Expert Divination, recharging lower level spell slots after expending another spell slot on a divination spell. The recharged slot also has to be 5th level or lower, but that’s hardly an issue right now. Very useful for someone who’s technically in another plane most of the time.

You also learn Major Image, for stronger illusory power, and Haste to make a chosen warrior more of a hero.

7. We’re now going to bounce over to Fighter real quick, you’re surprisingly quick to pull a sword on someone if you feel like it. The Dueling fighting style adds 2 to your weapon damage with one handed weapons, and Second Wind lets you spend a bonus action to heal yourself.

8. Second level fighters get an Action Surge, letting you add an extra action to your turn once per short rest.

9. For your fourth level spells, Hallucinatory Terrain will give your allies a glimpse of Avalon (healing and NP charge not included).

10. Use this ASI to bump up your Intelligence, and learn Charm Monster to keep Cath Palug from smacking you upside the head for the eight billionth time.

11. With fifth level spells you can finally insert yourself into others’ dreams thanks to the spell Dream. It takes a minute to cast, but afterwards you can enter a trance to hop into a target’s dreams. You can shape the dream to your liking, or just watch the fireworks. You can also turn into a nightmare to deal psychic damage and prevent any benefits from that sleep if the target fails a wisdom save.

12. Tenth level divination wizards can use The Third Eye to gain one special kind of sight each short rest as an action. You can choose form Darkvision, sight into the Ethereal Plane, the ability to Read any Language, or the ability to see invisible objects and creatures.

13. Sixth level spells like Mental Prison make things a lot harder for your enemies, charming one target creature if it fails an intelligence save. If it succeeds, it only takes some psychic damage. If it fails, it takes the damage and it becomes surrounded by an illusionary prison, so it can’t move, see, or hear anything beyond its space. If it’s forcibly moved out, or is attacked/attacks through the illusion, it takes even more psychic damage and the spell ends.

14. If you’re going with the standard array, you’ve probably noticed by now that your intelligence is currently odd. Thankfully we can fix that and make your DM’s life so much harder all at once thanks to the feat Keen Mind, which we’re picking up with this level’s ASI. Your Intelligence goes up by one, you have a great sense of direction and timing, and you have eidetic memory of the last month.

15. Seventh level spells like Mirage Arcane are another bump in power, letting you warp the landscape in a square mile around you. You can even add your fancy looking tower to the illusion now! Still not a lot of healing though.

16. Your last divination goody is the feature Greater Portent, letting your roll three d20s per day instead of two. Yeah, portent’s just kinda busted.

17. Eighth level spells like Illusory Dragon are a massive upgrade, almost as powerful as you usually are. This lets you make a dragon illusion that takes up space, is tangible, and can really breathe fire. I’m not entirely sure how this is an illusion, if I’m being honest.

18. Use this ASI to bump up your Dexterity for less dying and more stabbing. You also learn the spell Demiplane, to create your own Avalon! As long as you don’t mind your Avalon being a 30′ cube room and nothing else. Still, it’s hard to beat that level of security.

19. Seventeenth level wizards get ninth level spells. Seriously, just grab as many as you can. Merlin’s a grand caster, literally nothing is beyond his reach, certainly not anything a D&D character could do.

20. Eighteenth level wizards gain Spell Mastery over a first and second level spell, letting you cast them at their lowest level like cantrips. Silent Image and Magic Weapon are both good for support, I’d pick those. It’s not a huge issue if you change your mind later, too- you can change spells after 8 hours of study. You also learn True Polymorph. Artoria’s gotta father a child somehow.

Pros:

With your maxed out intelligence, plus ways to confuse your enemies and buff your allies, you make for a pretty good support caster. I doubt that comes as a surprise.

Divination wizards are kinda busted? Three portents per long rest can seriously reshape a campaign if you’re smart with them.

Wish is also kinda busted? You know how a lot of builds I mention not getting to ninth level spells as a con? Now you get to find out why.

Cons:

You’re squishy, which also isn’t too surprising. With an AC of 16 and HP barely scratching past one hundred, You probably won’t want to actually use your sword that often.

Despite healing being the big draw of your FGO counterpart, we didn’t really get that much in this build. You get one to two uses of Cure Wounds per day, plus your second wind. Not exactly meta defining.

Most illusions and buff spells use concentration, so good luck holding onto those with a con save of +1. It also means you have to pick and choose what you’re doing at any one time.

#fgo #Fate Grand Order #D&D 5e #DND #Merlin #Wizard #Fighter

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yamaoni · 3 years

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The Second Great War of Remnant has begun. Once more, Vale and Mantle are embroiled in a massive conflict, only this time, they are on the same side against Atlas.

I don't think it was a coincidence that so many people drew parallels with the last episode and WWI. We've never seen people fight that way in RWBY. Grimm don't use projectile weapons the way humans do, so the benefits of the trench are diminished; especially if you compare it to the drawbacks.

Now, I understand not everyone in the Atlas military has their aura unlocked and the squishy soldiers need some cover, but if The Long Memory didn't nuke every grimm on Atlas, the lines would have been overrun and then there would have been nowhere for them to retreat to.

You think the very real hand to hand struggles in the trenches of WWI were bad, imagine being trapped in a narrow trench with a bear. Or having this thing explode out of the ground under you.

I refuse to believe no-one in Atlas ever thought, "if we put the dirt from the trench in a box, no only can we give our soldiers cover, we can also give them an elevated position to fire from."

The top of a wall has been the primary defensive position for the people of Remnant for a long time. You can see them in the establishing shots of most settled places the team has visited. So why are we seeing a trench now?

Simple.

Show, don't tell.

RWBY has done a pretty great job, especially in the last few seasons, of showing the audience what it is trying to convey without explicitly telling them. They especially like drawing from well known folk lore to give insight into the future of the show.

Only difference here, instead of drawing the parallel between characters, they're drawing parallels between worlds.

Remnant's first Great War started with Mantle suppressing freedom of expression, the destruction of Art and Color. Ironwood always has little in the way of color, but in his first broadcast since everything started hitting the fan, he has none.

That broadcast also included evacuation ships being blown up by fighter-bombers, Dunkirk. It threatend to level a city if they didn't surrender, Battle of Brittan. All delivered by a dictator trying to scare his opponents into submission through careful use of film.

Theories

If the rest of the season is WWII, I have several theories on plot direction. Considering how well they did keeping up with both ends of the battlefield it wouldn't surprise me if they followed all of them at the same time.

Operation Dunkirk

Or, the evacuation of Mantle.

Players: Penny, Nora, Ren, Happy Huntresses

The Happy Huntresses involvement is a given. Not only has saving Mantle been their goal the whole time, they're also stuck in the middle of it right now.

Penny is the Protector of Mantle. It would be a shining moment for her character to fully throw off the virus Watts implanted and overcome Ironwood's threats to do so. Just crossing my fingers that it doesn't end like the Iron Giant.

Nora is currently Penny's tether to sanity, so she has to go with, and I doubt they would separate Ren from her for the next arc so he's going too.

Surprise twist for this plot I'm betting will be the Starwars "they aren't warships, just people" scene everyone loves to rag on. After all, the broadcast went out that they needed help and, at least at Dunkirk, it was fishing boats and pleasure crafts that retrieved the 338,000 surrounded on all sides.

Why We Fight

Or, countering Ironwoods propaganda.

Players: Robyn and Qrow

For one, these two are unaccounted for and in the heart of Atlas' military machine. If anyone has means to do so, it's them.

The film, Why We Fight, also countered the dramatic cinematography of Goebbels propaganda by painting it as ridiculous and making a folksy call to action much like Robyn has done in the past.

Operation Fortitude

Or, the deception of Ironwood.

Players: Emerald, Jaune, Oscar

This is the mission to make Ironwood think the team is going after the relic. This theory is why I actually thought of and wrote out this whole thing. Thanks @maxiemumdamage, I had things I was supposed to do tonight.

https://maxiemumdamage.tumblr.com/post/644291955872890880/willing-to-bet-my-own-soul-that-emerald-uses-her

Only difference in my theory and their's, is Jaune is going to be playing the part of Penny.

I say this for two reasons. One, Joan of Arc pretended to be a man. While we've gotten both Jaune pretending to be something he's not and him in a dress, this would pose the first time in the story he could do both. Two, it would put him on a direct collision path with Cinder. It needs to happen at some point to bring his arc to a conclusion, but man I hope we're not about to watch him burn.

With Ozpin active again, Oscar has to go along to direct them to the vault. He's also one of two backing the idea of Emerald joining the team and Jaune wouldn't be willing to work with her without him.

Operation Overlord

Or, busting down the doors of Atlas Acadamy.

Players: Ruby, Blake, Weiss, Yang

Where Operation Fortitude was the faint, Operation Overlord was the real deal. For those that aren't history buffs, this is D-Day.

I think this is the reason we've only seen the main team fighting together once since their split from Beacon. And even then, that fight was at most pairs of fighters and not all four of them supporting one another.

RWBY tricked us into thinking season 4 was the post-timeskip level up we come to expect from anime when really we ended up watching the training flashbacks as they happened instead.

We've seen hints of it with the various team ups and combinations, but are we really ready for how much ass kicking they are about to do?

I'm hoping for a One Piece level of badass entrance that can give me shivers whenever I go to watch it again like the walk to Arlong Park still does to this day.

(Aside: if you try telling me RWBY isn't anime, I'm just going to ignore you. Anime is an art movement. If you don't understand what that means, watch this video. https://youtu.be/uFtfDK39ZhI)

youtube

Now last and certainly not least

Operation Valkyrie

Or, the death of Ironwood.

Players: Winter and Marrow

The long awaited defection. Plenty of speculation has already floated around about if and when these two where going to cave to their morals and jump ship. I don't know how many of us were expecting the straw to break the camel's back to be a nuke held over Mantle, but I certainly wasn't.

What worries me, is Operation Valkyrie failed and all its conspirators were executed. As if there weren't enough death flags for Winter before.

Even if it's not Winter that kills him. I don't see Ironwood surviving this season. Even if it means he goes out like another hated dictator. It's not like it would be the first time RT had a fallen hero chose to use his own sword.

Wildcards

Or, Murphy will have his due.

Players: Cinder, Watts, Neo, Tyrian, Mercury, Clover

These players can go any which way. Three we know for sure are going to be active in the coming episodes and I wouldn't be surprised if the other three play a part as well.

Oscar made a hell of a light show for Tyrian and Mercury to see behind them. Not to mention, Salem will still need a ride home when she pulls herself back together.

Clover keeps getting mentioned even though he's hospitalized. If he was truly out of commission for the rest of the season, they would have made us think he's dead before bringing him back like they did with Penny.

Up to now, what we've seen is a three way conflict. But one of the hallmarks of Remnant's First Great War, was making temporary alliances to fight off grimm.

The grimm might be gone, but the wild cards can't complete their own objectives if they are dead. The question is who's goals better align with their own.

Two surprise twists I can see here. One, Mercury stabbing Tyrian on his way to defection. He was raised by an assassin and has not going to get a better chance than that. Two, Clover joining Operation Valkyrie. He might have accepted that sacrifice is a necessary evil to ensure Atlas' survival, but might go Schindler's List on us and find horror in what Ironwood plans to do.

TLDR

I spent way too long writing this out. All the WWI imagery means we're getting a WWII movie with RWBY characters. Major death flags for Penny, Jaune, and Winter.

Also I finally figured out how to do a readmore. Apparently it's just been a long time since I updated.

Note: kept seeing things talking about clovers death and I kind of went ???? Isn't he barely alive in medical? Went back and watched that scene and though I am 90% sure he is dead still kind of weird that they have him in his own room instead of a morgue and the initial framing made my mind instantly think he was propped up on a hospital bed. I mean, I guess we needed to have all the ACEOPs there for their reaction to Ironwood... but it definitely made me think he was alive. That and they have a bandage on his chest wound... when he's supposedly dead. Also have a phantom memory of Harriet saying something about him being in critical but I think that's my memory playing tricks on me.

Having his face exposed instead of covered by the sheet and seeing him in the same frame as Winter being treated also didn't help my gut reaction of "Oh Shit! He's alive? How?!" If I'd followed up more on the "how" might not have made the blunder of writing his return as the final twist in my theory. Oops

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feuilletoniste · 3 years

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so, how do you feel about the song of achilles?

So the opening line of the Iliad -- probably its best-known line -- lays out what the story is about: Sing, O Muse, of the rage of Achilles. Achilles within the story of the Iliad is a tragic figure, yes, but also one defined by his selfish rage. He is not making a grand heroic political statement while sulking in his tent. He is throwing a temper tantrum because someone took away his current favorite toy. This is not an uncharitable reading; it’s textual. That is not to say that Achilles isn’t a good character, or even a good person -- that’s not the point. But reframing the Iliad into a story where Achilles is justified, heroic through and through, and -- above all -- righteous in his fury, does nothing but belittle the moral core of the tale, which is about human fallibility.

Okay, you might say, but I’m not a classicist, I don’t care about the moral fortitude of a thousands-of-years-old story in a language I don’t speak, I want to know how the gays were done dirty.

Well, good news, I’m not a classicist either, I just read a lot and I’m a pedantic bitch, so here are some nit-picky issues I had with the book, helpfully organized by bullet points:

Issues with Patroclus:

Setting aside the problematic implications inherent in classical Greek gender roles and how that played out in same-sex relationships, Patroclus is described in the Iliad as a warrior equal of the best. He's only able to be killed when Apollo himself literally intervenes. In TSOA, Miller writes him as a "tantalizing" twink who isn't good at any form of combat and instead stays in the tents doing what would have been women's work.

He doesn't have his own agency, and is depicted as following Achilles around like a dog throughout the whole story. Bad.

Issues with Achilles:

He's not enough of a jackass. Next.

No but really, Achilles is not the moral hero of the story. No one else is either, to be fair, but Achilles is remembered for throwing a hissy fit because Agamemnon stole one of his slave women before he could rape her. He does not have the high ground here. His character development -- which comes too late, at the expense of Patroclus -- is realizing that he can't sulk in his tent because someone else stole his toy, he actually has to do something and fight in the war in which he was conscripted.

Issues with their relationship:

This is more of an editorial issue and less of an adaptational issue, but Miller's writing is simply not good. She has her moments, and her prose is generally quite evocative in the way that will look good in a thousand out-of-context quotes on Tumblr posts, but her character development is trash. We're never given a reason why Achilles and Patroclus are in love beyond "because they are." There's no narrative development to their relationship, so the emotional core of the story (Patroclus's death) rings hollow.

One of the main issue with framing the Achilles-Patroclus relationship within the homophobic seme/uke dynamic is that it wasn't like that in canon. One of the things that made them stand out both in classical antiquity and in modernity is the fact that they are described as equals. Without going too into detail, Ancient Greek pederasty did not exactly support relationships between two men of equal age, strength, standing, and accomplishments. For Miller to throw away what makes their relationship unique, all for the sake of a couple weird softcore handjobs...

Also the sex scenes are just plain bad. Genuinely, cringe-worthily bad.

Issues with women:

I could go on for YEARS about how much I hate how Miller writes women, but in general it can be summed up thusly: Miller has two women, "supportive uwu wingman" or "evil jealous bitch" and those are the only characters she writes.

THETIS. Thetis gets the latter treatment, which is so far removed from the actual character of Thetis that it's a slap in the face. In the Iliad Thetis cared for her son and supported him in every way she could (keep in mind that Thetis is also a victim of rape and an unwanted marriage!). When Patroclus died, Achilles cried so loudly that Thetis heard him at the bottom of the sea and came to console him. Miller writes her as a jealous, scheming villain who hates Patroclus. There is literally no textual evidence for this.

Briseis is... complicated. She doesn't have a lot of agency in the Iliad, given that she's a captive, and I would totally be all for a reinterpretation which granted more power to the female characters in the story. But Miller doesn't really do that. By completely glossing over the fact that Briseis was raped by Achilles, and probably other men as well (Patroclus included), in favor of portraying her as a supportive ally, that is... bad. It's bad.

There are basically no other major female characters. We meet a couple prostitutes and slaves but that's basically it.

WAIT I FORGOT. I'm also forgetting her name and I do not care enough to look it up, but: the princess with whom Achilles stays when Thetis disguises him as a woman is implied to have raped him, or at least tried to, in order to get pregnant. Miller made that up, for some fucking reason.

Other weird homophobia:

There's a scene where (I think?) Odysseus says something vaguely homophobic and Patroclus reacts as though it were terribly shameful for him and Achilles to be in a relationship. I'm not going to say that Ancient Greece wasn't homophobic, or that it was all sunshine and roses for queer men, but it was A LOT more complicated.

Patroclus was a formidable warrior, and older than Achilles (which is why some ancient historians argued that he topped). Miller writes him like a stereotypical bottom, which would be homophobic on its own even if she weren't making it so that he and Achilles (as she writes them) would fit neatly into the seme/uke dynamic. Achilles and Patroclus did not fit into the stereotypical erastes/eromenos roles; Miller made that up entirely.

Yeah just in general the two of them were seen as equals on the battlefield and off it (similar in age, both accomplished soldiers, given their own storylines and moments of heroism, etc.). For Miller to erase that depiction of a (probably) homosexual relationship that didn't fit into contemporary Greek ideas of masculinity and same-sex relationships is... beyond shitty.

Also, and this is not as important but I still don't like it, Achilles did like women. He sleeps with at least two within the context of the Iliad (as does Patroclus). Changing that wouldn't be as much of an issue if Miller had written women better.

Anyway, it's been a couple years since I actually read the damn thing, so if anyone who's a huge fan of Miller's writing for some unknown-to-me reason wants to correct me on any of this, I promise I won't be mad. The worst part of it to me is that Miller has a classics degree and has ostensibly studied the subject. In her own words she spent a decade writing TSOA. There's really no excuse for why she botched literally everything about it.

#Anonymous #asks #mine #Anon I am so sorry for what this turned into #please keep in mind that it's been a while since I read it so this is all off the top of my head #but I am not going to subject myself to that again. not even for the sake of source-citing. I am sorry #anyway I'm not trash-talking Achilles's character out of anything but deep affection believe me #TSOA

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dreamteamfanblog · 3 years

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CW // starvation, torture, mental torture, self harm mentions | you’ve been pretty rightly adamant about c!dream deserving punishment in prison. you have also felt he deserved to be placed in an inhumane environment as a ‘taste of his own medicine’ (implied, not you words) sort of ordeal. the problem with that, at least for me, is that revenge and karmic justice leaves no room for growth and no room for dream to understand every shitty thing he’s done. the reason he’s so spiteful and filled with hatred now is because he legitimately doesn’t believe he’s in the wrong, and that tommy placed him in prison as a way to flaw his goals. once he escapes, he will be thirsting for blood and revenge, and he will stop at no means to get it. he’s placed in an extremely distressing environment of self isolation, mental fortitude and torture, and purposeful withholdings of food (very insufficient food, mind you) with nothing and nobody willing to teach him how he deserved to be punished. he’s wrathful, loathing of everyone, and hurt. he feels no guilt because of his warped sense of morality perceptions. tommy was placed in the middle of that, and all that did was give him more trauma. now, he has to live with having stayed in the prison for over a month with his abuser, endured death and tore himself apart, and the sudden shock at re-emerging in a world that heavily grieved you. all of that could have been avoided if the prison didn’t value inescapability over comfort. ALL of that could have been avoided if c!sam gave tommy and his prisoner some basic human rights- heeded the contract, let tommy go or keep him in another cell. if he pushed for dream to reform, with a comfortable cell and comfortable food- NONE of what happened to tommy would have happened as it did. and that’s so fucking frustrating, speaking as a tommy and dream enjoyer- sam threw them into hell together, exposed the worst of two deeply unwell people with one another, and expected everything to be fine while an abuser and traumatized child spent prolonged durations in a horrific torture chamber. my question to you is, do you still agree that dream deserved a taste of his own medicine? i’d love to hear what you think

I think a lot of people misunderstand my stance on this so im going to specify here. I don't WANT Dream to be treated poorly. It isn't the ideal situation that he struggle in prison and I do want prison reformation on the Smp. My stance has never been starkly against offering that, nor has it been against giving Dream room to grow. My stance has been against people who are overly harsh with Sam or Tommy or Sapnap or anyone else in universe who isn't pushing for prison reform. Dream has taught the people of the server to view him some sort of god. To fear him, revere him, cower before his threats and bend to his will. The people were- and likely are still- absolutely terrified of him and personally traumatized by him. For a lot of them certain acts of reformation such as expanding his cell or loosening on visiting rules would mean less security, even momentarily while construction is done. Any less security than this is inconceivable for a lot of people in universe because of the damage Dream has done and has planned to do. He's destroyed homes, slaughtered innocents, he planned to imprison and kill and blackmail more people before he was locked away in a prison that could hold even a god. It's deemed necessary because to most people on the server Dream may as well be a god. Even putting aside the fear of cutting him even the smallest bit of slack lest he's eacaped, most people on the server just don't think about his well-being very often. Why would they? They're still trying to put back the pieces after all he's done, why would anybody be thinking about his feelings here or the condition he's in. Personally I think reform is a good idea and would like to see that happen, but im not ever going to be genuinely upset with the other characters on the Smp for not jumping into prison reformation for him at this point in time. It isn't necessarily that he deserves karmic justice- redemption and healing has always been the best case scenario for me, in every case, even with Dream id like to see him getting better- it's an acknowledgement that he made his bed here and of course the people are too scared or avoidant of him to go out of their way to fix the prison he designed which in my opinion doesn't reflect too poorly onto them. Even if they did give him better conditions I doubt he'd improve much simply because nobody wants to sit him down and work through his issues. Nobody is willing to teach him because nobody is indifferent to the suffering he's caused. Dream needs therapy in my opinion. I'd love to see him get it. Who's going to give that to him? Puffy maybe, but she's currently so emotionally distraught by what he's done that she doesn't feel like she can handle even looking at him. Quackity? Dream destroyed his home, tried to kill his friends, actually DID kill one of the people closest to him, he can't be expected to be in the right mind to do that kind of thing. Sapnap or George? After the years of manipulation and toxic friendship they've got behind them, I don't think so. Skeppy? Bad? After the 1x1 trophy case situation?? Jack? Niki? Tommy? Tubbo? Ranboo? Dream deserves therapy or at least to have what he's done explained to him in a calm way but nobody here deserves to have to do that if they don't absolutely positively want to and no matter what I objectively think Dream deserves I have to feel inclined to prioritize his victims here.

Tommy's ordeal was horrible. And it's one of the reasons I really think something should change. Which im sure it will given how horrified everybody is at what happened. However if this reformation involves looking into the safety of visitors- or even cutting off visitors entirely- I won't exactly be angry with any of the characters in universe because of course Dream's feelings aren't going to be anybody else's priority here. Dream is everybody's opressor or abuser or both. Everybody on the server. It's something that's deeply united a lot of people. Making anybody speak to their opressor/abuser or hell even care about their wellbeing isn't something im interested in. Sam as a warden can't be unbiased knowing what Dream's done, having been effected PERSONALLY by everything Dream's done. It unfortunately just isn't super realistic. Maybe if, like....Hannah was the warden or someone who pushed hard to lock Dream up id be more willing to accept the idea that she should be trying to support Dream more but as things are im not...mad that people aren't taking him into account even if I wish they would.

I'm disappointed but im by no means mad if that makes sense.

And honestly I can't in good faith accept the idea that if it weren't for the bad conditions of the prison Dream wouldnt be inclined to kill Tommy like that. Dream was like three seconds away from murdering Tubbo and locking Tommy away in the prison himself before he was arrested, and while possibly if someone had like..given him therapy..he might have gotten better, again, he's personally traumatized nearly everyone on the server and not only is therapy with any of them a conflict of interest but it would likely serve to retraumatize whoever's being forced to talk to Dream. He didn't get the idea to hurt Tommy while in prison basically, he's wanted to hurt Tommy for...well...ever...and while this possibly could have been mediated if someone would try ti give Dream a chance to heal and get better, im not going to expect anyone to do that for him given the general collective trauma he's caused because that would be immensely cruel to make anyone do unless they really want to and really think they can handle it.

Tldr; A cushier cell won't make Dream reconsider what he's done, he could have been living in luxery or even free entirely and he would still be the same tyrant and abuser. He needs therapy but this server is made up almost entirely of his victims who I won't even think about expecting to be his therapist. I'd love for him to have more comfort and think at least some changes are necessary but don't really blame anyone for not thinking about his comfort eapecially since a lot of these things would be actively loosening security which his victims obviously would be terrified by even the thought of. It's a difficult situation but it boils down to I want Dream to be more comfortable and get better but im not about to start hating the other members of the server for not thinking about that kind of thing.

#long post #dream smp discourse #dream smp #mcyt #cw starvation #cw torture #cw mental torture #cw self harm mentions

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thecottageinthedark · 3 years

Text

Sorting Glass-Maker’s Dragon

I’ve been working on this for a looooong time, and finally it’s complete enough to post. I’m using the Sorting Hat Chats system, basics of which are explained here by its inventors and here by @wisteria-lodge.

A lot of GMD is flexpoints and inferred stuff, but this is, at least, the way I read the main eight.

Chuubo: Snake Primary, Badger Secondary. His Snake ambition isn't immediately obvious because it's backwards to us; he's an Imperator and a god of dream and probably the Spirit of the Age, but those were just things that happened upon him. He doesn't want fame or fortune; he wants a peaceful human life, or at least a human-style one, and his drive to achieve this has literally reshaped the world itself while still being, at its core, all about him.

His Badger Secondary is hard to see because of the one big gimmick in the way; the Wish-Granting Engine, that supposedly allows instant results with no work, and the way he uses it whenever possible. But the thing is, the WGE is both dependent on his Secondary and in some senses what he uses when he can't draw on that Secondary itself.

Badger Secondaries have to mean what they do; they put in hard work when and where they are motivated to do so. For Chuubo, that's not schoolwork, which is where he as a high schooler is socially expected to, and so he gets a rep for being lazy. Where he does put the effort in, is with his friendships, and in 'learning the ways of Fortitude'. With those, he doesn't cut corners. He doesn't pull out schemes. He patiently and consistently puts in the work. His Secondary is on full display in the way he persists in trying to be friends with Leo, even in the face of Leo's hostility. Chuubo doesn't try to win Leo over with subtlety or with grand gestures; he just doggedly carries on offering support, company, and good-natured teasing.

So where does the Engine come in? Think of the Wishing Map. It's the friendships and connections he's worked at creating and maintaining that help Chuubo's wishes to succeed. Wishes based on whim are almost certain to go wrong.

The wish for a best friend is maybe the most telling part of all. Or rather, what happened after it. Because despite having acquired Seizhi through unnatural means, it never once occurs to Chuubo to continue their association by those-to lean on miraculous or mundane coercion and create a relationship that all goes one way. Having acquired someone to love him, he just proceeds to love them back, with a generosity of spirit that is entirely genuine.

Like a lot of Snake Primaries, Chuubo has a Primary model that he uses to fill in the gaps where his ambitions and his loyalties aren't relevant. His is a kindly and expansive Badger Primary. He lives in this model most of the time-until there's a threat to his inner circle or to his hard-won quiet life. Then he'll set the model aside and act from his real Primary to keep hold of what's his. (Being a snake sometimes helps.)

Seizhi Schwan: Snake Primary, Burnt Snake Secondary. Like Chuubo, their huge ambition is for something that most people just get handed on a platter; to be real, to matter, and to be loved. Their Primary and his instinctively understand each other about this-and also understand each other perfectly about the importance of treasuring and being treasured. (They're all but making big eyes at each other and swooning, in fact.)

Seizhi's Primary is somewhat wobbly in one regard; they're the sort of Snake who has kicked themself out of their own inner circle. After all, they reason, they're not real-not yet, at least-so why should they value themself? There's nothing there to value. This is linked to the burning of their Secondary; their supreme and miraculously-enhanced ability to fit into any social context is something that gives them pain, because it's just more unreality. Over and over they reach out, hoping that this time they've found a destiny; over and over, they stop sustaining an Intention, and the whole thing fades away. Even mundane uses of the Snake Secondary toolkit feel tainted-deceit and lies-and that's a problem, because this is the best and most practiced skillset they've got. They're trying to cover up this lack with a Badger Secondary model, because that's what they feel like they should have, what a Real Person would have-the slow grinding authenticity of method. (Possibly this decision is linked to Chuubo being a Badger Secondary.) But they don't like it. It feels like crap. It doesn't even work that well. And when they're in trouble, they drop the attempt to Do Things The Real Way and start shifting and adapting and reacting like the Snake they are.

As of the start of GMD they're still hoping for the magic to happen, to wake up transformed into a Real Person who bears little to no resemblance to the 'fake self' they despise-for the Badger model to smother the Snake to death. The situation's in flux. Under pressure, they might begin to find ways to accept themself for what they are, and realise they are loved already; but it's just as likely that they will crack and fall into despair. If that happens, they'll probably Burn their Primary too, cutting themself off from Chuubo and from anyone else in their inner circle. This they'll frame not as a way to protect themself, but to protect the inner circle. A fake person has nothing real to give. How can they inflict such a horrible creature on the people they love? Might as well feed them fairy food and watch them starve, as do something like that.

That unpleasant possibility aside...unlike Chuubo they haven't yet created a Primary Model when the game starts. They might do so during the course of it, though-they will, after all, need to make a lot of decisions, and they won't always be able to relate those back to 'will it help me become real' or 'will it help Chuubo'. I don't think they're likely to copy Chuubo's Badger for this; it fits him fine, as an inherently peaceful Serpent, but Seizhi is an Actual who has had to fight just to exist, and isn't prepared to lay down arms just because things are now somewhat better. What'd work better for them would be a valorous and fierce Lion Model based on that of their brother Laodemus, or a wider Snake Model with an inner circle encompassing 'everyone I know' or 'the whole of Town'.

Leonardo de Montreal: Lion Primary, Lion Secondary. This poor man.

Oh, he'd love you to believe he's a Double Bird, or a Snake/Bird mix of some kind. He'd probably pick one of those Houses out if he had the choice! But that's...actually for pretty superficial reasons. He likes science so he figures he's a shoo-in for the 'smart person house', he's snappy and standoffish so equally he thinks he's in the 'mean asshole house'. But in the SHC system neither of those really fit.

Let's look at his Primary first. He's not a Snake, right away-because he doesn't have an inner circle and he's okay with that. There's no 'my people, who are most important' and 'everyone else'-even when he's not leaning on his Friendless wound, when he's prepared to concede that he cares about Chuubo or Jasper. If he were a Snake, those two would be the most likely inner circle candidates-but they're not in there. Not because he doesn't care, but because he doesn't do the Snake style caring where his people are the centre of his world and the place he gets his morality.

Where his morality does come from is the Song of Hell, his 'love for the wicked'. It's intuitive, not constructed, and centred in himself, not reliant on others. (When he loses his heart, he doesn't draw up a systematic list of ethical principles to live by instead; he creates the Mechanism of Original Sin, which emulates the feeling of having an internal conscience as well as the function.) And the fact that he's a fallen angel means that at some point in his past he gave up Heaven on ideological grounds. The Song of Hell is just right, and therefore he follows it. Any justifications he makes for that decision come after the fact. And so he follows his Song, and becomes heroic-it's not just Jasper he saves, he's got a whole Thing about helping people. That's Lion Primary.

And though he's smart, he doesn't act Bird under pressure; he charges. He responded to Jade's death by first ripping out his own heart to save her daughter, then marching down to the BA to throw down with its Headmaster. He probably has a Bird Secondary model to help with Science, though-and he uses this model to back up his real secondary. Charge in throwing nightmare devices at the problem.

Natalia Koutolika: Bird primary, burnt secondary that's probably Bird or Lion.

Natalia's frozen heart sounds like a Petrified Snake thing, but it's not any specific person that makes her realise thawing is a possibility-it's Fortitude. And that's not because Fortitude is nice, the way a Badger might un-Burn on being accepted into a welcoming community, but because it's magical. The rules of the universe work differently here...so maybe that means things can be possible for her now that weren't possible back on Earth.

I thought at first her primary was burnt, but...freezing her heart made her lose faith in human goodness, and in her capacity for being happy, not in her ability to discern truth. She trusts her cynical System; actually, I think her looking like a Petrified Snake is down to that thing Birds do where their systems often come out looking like the other Primaries. Natalia has decided that the Petrified Snake morality is the true one...but when she arrives in Town, she reconsiders, and begins to edit.

Her Secondary is where she's burnt. Because part of the cynicism of her Primary System is the idea that there's no point trying. Use whatever methods are available, who cares? They won't work, because you can't do anything that matters-the world doesn't work like that. Most of the time she'll use Bird or Lion methods because those come easily to her, given she's a genius and a martial artist, so it's probably one of those. But then again...she doesn't seem to get any joy from them. I think her Arcs will (hopefully) involve healing the burning-and that could look like learning to trust in her charging or her knowledge base, or like finding that what she really feels Right about is putting in the work like a Badger or thinking on her feet like a Snake. (Burnt Badger secondary would be especially poignant, as it'd be her learning to rely on community as a source of strength.)

Jasper Irinka: Bird primary, Bird secondary.

She starts out with her system based on her mom's Heaven-style Lion primary; it doesn't work, and leaves 'a hole in the world' for her. So she starts looking for ways to make it work by picking up ideas from all sorts of people-her dad, her friends, the Moon Prince and assorted other NPCs-and either adjusting it by adding these in or making a new system entirely. And her matching secondary helps her to do this very effectively. Her Primordial ability to shape herself as she likes by growing limbs that she can then use and discard as she pleases is really Bird Secondary-and the fact that those limbs manifest from other people's Hopes? 'I know a guy' Bird.

Sure, she inspires people. But it’s not a Lion inspiration-being so completely and ferociously her own glorious self that others are attracted to her radiance. Jade probably worked like that, from what we know of her, but Jasper inspires because she deliberately does things to inspire Hope in people, using a toolkit of stuff she’s picked up.

(And of course Leo is fascinated with her-not just because she's 'Jade Irinka's daughter', the shine on that would wear off fast-it's that she's a Double Bird like what he wants to be! And she in turn is loving Leo's double Lion because that's what she thinks she's supposed to be like!)

Rinley Yatskaya: Badger Primary, Lion Secondary. Of course the Storyteller Arc kid gets the 'protagonist sorting'.

Rinley's stated purpose in their playbook is to be the social glue of the party, and their powerset makes them really good at it. They first save then make friends with Prince Eduard despite their family's feud with the Rats, and when they see Iolithae in the Titov shrine, they go to rescue her, because Eduard and Iolithae are people and that matters more than Eduard being a Rat or Iolithae being a dangerous sacred horror. In other words, they're a beautiful Universal Badger. As far as Rinley's concerned, you don't just see someone who's injured or imprisoned and then not help them, even if they're meant to be an enemy on ideological grounds or even grounds of prudence. And to help people, they jump right in and Do Something. That's textbook Badger/Lion.

Principal Entropy II: Exploded Badger primary, Badger secondary.

This guy is just community-building and caretaking all over the place. He shows up, he does the work-as the Angel of Fortitude he's literally fixing potholes and curing peoples' ailments! And he's doing that by going to the people and creatures of his Gardens, calling in favours.

And he's doing it because people are important. The denizens of the Evil Island, the people of Fortitude. 'All things can earn their recompense through love'.

The problem is, though-he's doing the dehumanisation thing that Badgers are so infamous for. He's not going 'some people are Enemies Who Must Die, and therefore are not really People', though, which is the usual form of the trope in fiction. That's the mode of a Badger at war, and E2 isn't fighting a war. He's going 'some people need to be Sacrificed for the Greater Good of the Community'. And that's not an easy thing for a Badger to believe. If he was an Idealist, or Snake who is comfy prioritising an inner circle, he could just hold that belief without problems. But being a Badger, he can't. If he sacrifices people, he has to either feel horribly guilty about it...or stop thinking of them as people.

One big group he tends to dehumanise are School students. School exists to create tools to fix the world. It's okay if he makes students into cursed Hall Monitors, it's okay if he turns SEED students into prototype world-trees and weirding walls. That's what they're for.

He also dehumanises himself. He's Other Than Human, Set Apart. He refuses to acknowledge his needs, and overworks himself-he's even, at game start, nullified two Divine Health Levels to make his Code Novae binding on the Evil Island, meaning that if you can get past his Immortality power he's actually the squishiest PC of the lot. So he's an Exploded Badger, sacrificing both himself and others to his community.

Miramie Mesmer: Bird Primary, Badger Secondary. She shares this sorting with her former self, Melanie Malakh.

Melanie's Bird Primary used the Bleak Methodology as her truth system. Coupled with her persistent, hard-working Secondary, this combination made her a star student at the Bleak Academy-a 'prodigy of hatred and despair'. However, when she left the Academy, things fell apart for her.

At the Bleak Academy she'd been sheltered from experiences or ideas that could provide any real challenge to the Bleak worldview. Because of that, her system wasn't as robust as she thought-and she didn't know how to shore it up or how to cope if it shattered. Which-along with the glass dragon-it did; her time in Town, the things she had seen and done, had led her to doubt the truth of ultimate futility. The last straw was the dragon itself. Melanie, through the work of her hands and mind, had created something that was not futile; a master-weapon that could destroy Town, just as she had intended. The very fact that she was able to do that gave the lie to the Bleak Methodology. Unable to deny this truth but just as unable to live with it, Melanie Fell so hard that-as Strategists sometimes do-she lost her identity and became a new person.

Unable and unwilling to use Melanie's system, Miramie has begun to construct her own, drawing on various sources-the communal and peaceful mores of Fortitude, Hideo Hayashi's belief that even unlikeable misfits do not deserve to be left alone without support systems, the other Archive kids' idea that outcasts should stick together, and Chuubo's Snake prioritising of personal ambitions and loves. Since she's not had much time to do this, it's nowhere near finished-but it looks likely to be robust. It also seems to me that she's likely to be able to edit it as she needs rather than Falling-or, if worst comes to worst, to Fall but get back up as herself, rather than shattering again or reverting into Melanie Malakh.

Her Badger Secondary is a contrast to Chuubo's, as where his is socially based and linked to personal relationships (Courtier Badger), hers is more focused on the more usual definition of 'work', and on community in the sense of history and tradition (Bookkeeper Badger). It's her Secondary she brings to bear on the tasks of setting up a cafe from scratch and helping maintain the Archives. It's also what she uses to keep herself going under the weight of the world's wrongness, to keep making art even though it's doing so that activates her Curse. She just keeps slogging away.

I can also see the Badger Secondary in Melanie's construction of the glass dragon. She sat herself down with Hideo Hayashi and learnt glasswork from scratch, putting in the time and effort to both master this new skill and to bring Hideo himself fully under her control. Simple, honest work, even though used for deeply destructive ends.

IN CONCLUSION:

Chuubo: Snake primary, Badger secondary, Badger primary model Seizhi: Snake primary, Burnt Snake secondary, unhealthy Badger Secondary model Leonardo: Lion primary, Lion secondary. Bird secondary model Natalia: Bird primary (with a system that starts out looking a lot like Petrified Snake), very burnt Secondary that is likely Bird or Lion Jasper: Bird primary, Bird secondary Rinley: Badger primary, Lion secondary Entropy II: Exploded Badger primary, Badger secondary Miramie: Bird primary, Badger secondary

#sorting hat chats #glass-maker's dragon #cmwge #gluubilis #gmd #harry potter #gmd pcs

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babbushka · 4 years

Text

Each Eye - Epilogue

Mob Boss Kylo Ren x Reader

3k ; Warnings: Mentions of violence

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The traffic, you couldn’t help but think with a little breath of a sigh, really never wanted to quit, did it?

Poor Dopheld drove the best that he could through the streets, maneuvering and navigating the congestion of the city. The rain didn’t help, slush on the streets from a strangely early blizzard. The weather this year had been so unexpected, you blamed global warming. Kylo sighed, furrowed his brow and checked his watch.

Some things truly never changed, did they?

“We’ll be on time.” You assured him, lifting the hand that was twined with your own.

You pressed a kiss to the palm, nuzzled your face into it with a gentle smile. Kylo leaned into your space, rubbed his big nose against yours for a moment before claiming your lips in a soft chaste kiss of his own, before flicking the cigarette ash out the window which was only cracked an inch or so open for that very purpose.

He wasn’t in the mood to talk today, and that was fine.

A lot had changed, a lot had to be addressed tonight, and that was fine too.

You were pressed up against Kylo’s side, as you had been for the past couple years. If he had been protective of you before, if he had been obsessed with your safety before, well now was a completely new level of possession. You let yourself be held, the arm that was slung across your shoulders tugged you closer, impossibly closer. You let yourself be held, tucking your head against his neck, nosing at the skin of his throat.

The time had come once again, for the annual meeting of the families.

How a year had passed, an entire year since the Incident, you didn’t know. You were kept too busy, busy with travel plans and managing the scandal. Busy with being a business owner and a wife. And of course, a mother.

Your darling infant daughter was sound asleep in her car-seat, one of those expensive and convoluted things with too many straps and buckles for you to reasonably do alone. Driving always got her drowsy, not that she ever had trouble sleeping. She was the most spoiled thing on the East coast, and you knew a certain someone would be very excited to see her in a few moments when Dopheld would pull up to the restaurant.

If anyone thought that having a kid would make Kylo quit the business, they would be sorely mistaken. If anything, it motivated him to get even more involved, to spread his reach further. In the year following the wake of the murder, Kylo had risen up to levels of power he had only dreamed of prior. He had surpassed the legacy of Snoke, had now he wasn’t just feared, he was given a free pass to do anything he liked, whenever he liked it.

He was, of course, far too introverted to want to really do anything other than stay home with his beautiful family, go to the office, and murder those who double-crossed him – but the sentiment was nice.

Kylo checked his watch.

You kissed him sweetly, peppered chaste nothings to his neck and cheek as he smoked his cigarette, flicked the ash out into the pouring rain. He was dressed in a new suit, well, a new old suit, another one of those vintage Armani’s he so adored. Crisply ironed from the dry-cleaners and richly black as ever, with a bowtie that never managed to stay straight no matter how often you adjusted or fiddled with it. Your outfit was in a light-colored satin fabric despite the weather, one that complimented your skin tone nicely in an attempt to bring about a good mood for the dinner. Ever since having the baby, you tried to avoid wearing too much black.

After what felt like ages, the car came to a slow and gentle stop in front of John’s of 12th Street. Tradition was tradition, you thought to yourself happily, as Kylo disentangled himself from you.

“We’ve arrived.” Dopheld informed you both with a smile through the rear-view mirror.

“Thank you.” Kylo nodded to the boy, before getting out of the car.

You unbuckled the baby from her safety contraption and tucked her against your chest to shield her from the rain. You had decided to dress her in an outfit given to her by her favorite uncle – or rather, her most adoring uncle, who would surely appreciate that gesture.

When you and Kylo had thrown her a Simchat Bat, Uncle Lando had shown up with a literal parade of gifts. Toys and clothing in all manner of sorts and styles. He said he wanted her to have options no matter what her preferences wound up being. And he wasn’t the only one! It was as if a royal baby had been born, with how many people were in attendance for the naming ceremony.

You and Kylo had to buy a second penthouse just to store everything, you were so fortunate to be so well respected and loved.

Everyone you were to meet with tonight had come to the Simchat Bat, and aside from one or two, you hadn’t seen them since. You had all kept in touch, as you always did, but this would be the first time in a long time that you would see some of these heads of family face to face.

“Shall I wait here?” Dopheld asked you as you waited for your door to be opened.

Dopheld had been absolutely invaluable, during the trials. There of course had been trials, surrounding the death of your sister in law. Trials that took ages and ages of deliberation only for you to be acquitted, just as you knew you both would be. Dopheld had been called as a witness on your behalf to support your alibis, and you were so impressed with the way he lied so easily. For such a nervous man, he truly did have a great deal of mental fortitude when the time called for it.

“Oh please come inside, the weather is miserable right now. Get something hot to eat.” You encouraged as you watched Kylo chat idly with one of the restaurant valets.

“I don’t mind, really ma’am – ” Dopheld began to protest, but you shook your head to interrupt him.

“I insist. You won’t be allowed in the back room with us, but we’ll pay for your bill. I know Thanisson is supposed to be here any moment, why don’t the two of you have dinner on us?” You prompted, enjoying the way the blush on his cheeks deepened at the thought.

“Thank you ma’am.” He said very softly, a thanks for both footing the bill, but also supporting him and this budding relationship that had begun to blossom over the course of the year.

As if on cue, a car pulled up against the curb behind you. Kylo opened your door and offered you a steady hand to step out with. A valet boy stood behind him and struggled to hold an umbrella over his impressive height, the poor thing.

“Alright?” Kylo asked, making you smile. It was the first thing he had said in about three hours.

“We’re alright.” You nodded, turning slightly so Kylo could see that the princess was still sound asleep.

He kissed your temple and walked with you to the front doors, extra careful so that you didn’t slip on the ice and slush on the sidewalk. You were soon joined by all the members of the KoR. Knuckles and Slip and Six were of course your favorites, but that was just because you saw them the most often.

The other two, Maisy and Neve, were normally in charge of scouting out the streets and making sure things that needed to stay under the covers, stayed there. But now Kylo wanted all of his most trusted friends and guards to stay close to you. You didn’t mind, you liked being surrounded by big strong men and women.

Speaking of which, as you and Kylo lead the pack through the restaurant lobby, you scan the place for your dear cousin Gwen. She hadn’t taken Rey’s death too hard, in fact she didn’t seem to spend much time mourning the girl at all. You spoke with her nearly every day and turned out that Gwen wasn’t interested in anything more than sex, which wasn’t very surprising, knowing her.

She had no interest in having children of her own, so she was ecstatic when you had announced your pregnancy. It took all of the pressure off of her, got the family off her back. Your daughter was the first of her generation within your combined families, the Serennos and the Rens, and it felt good to have an heir of sorts.

When you do find Gwen, she gave you a pearly white grin and reached out with happy hands to scoop the sleeping angel out of your arms and give you a small break from carrying her.

“Hello Kylo, hi sweetie, how are you doing?” Gwen kissed your cheek and then began to soothe the baby who had fussed momentarily during the exchange of arms holding her.

“We’re wonderful, although I wish it’d stop shitting rain for five minutes.” You sighed happily, taking in stock of your cousin and asking, “You?”

“Great actually, there’s a lot we need to talk about.” She responded, making you arch a brow. There was always something, it seemed.

“Business or pleasure?” You had to ask, not that you wanted to really get into it all right now.

“Business.” Gwen waved it off, knowing there would be a time and place for all of that.

With your arms free, Kylo wrapped a hand around the curve of your hip, and you followed him deeper inside the restaurant as your room was finally ready. Gwen and your baby were right behind you, and it felt good to have the hustle and bustle of the restaurant get sealed away with the closing of the sound-proofed door.

-----------------

The room was cozy as ever, a small intimate place set aside just for you. The candles were softly burning and there were a few select waiters with trays of champagne or wine, bottles of beer and cheeses to pass the time while everyone else arrived. You counted the chairs at the large circular table, which had been fitted with a white linen table cloth and was already set with all manner of fine china and silverware.

“It’s going to be so strange, don’t you think?” Gwen asked the both of you, mostly thinking out loud.

“Every year it’s something different, but it’s always the same.” Kylo piped up, and you gave him an encouraging grin, glad to see that he was in the mood to play along the game of socialization, even if for a little while. He chewed his lip, not really knowing how to keep the conversation going, and finally settled on, “Did you get a haircut?”

“Just a trim, do you like it?” Gwen asked, reaching up a hand and running her fingers through her short pixie.

“Yes, very severe.” Kylo nodded, having decided that that was enough interactions for a while, and instead turned towards you and kissed your cheek, drifting down to the corner of your mouth.

Not much longer after that, did the vibrant personality of everyone’s favorite Uncle burst through the door with a loud, “Where’s my niece?”

You retrieved your daughter from Gwen’s arms, and happily brought her over to the old man who as always, was dressed for the opera in a emerald green satin suit. It just so happened, that the dress you had chosen for your daughter to wear to the dinner, also happened to be a green satin, which made Uncle Lando grin with all his gold teeth when he saw.

“Someone woke up just in time to see you.” You showed him how the baby’s eyes were wide open and taking him in happily, and she smiled and laughed when he extended a shaky finger to lightly bop the tip of her nose.

“God damned what an angel. An absolute fuckin’ angel. Isn’t she the sweetest?” Uncle Lando nearly got misty eyed at the sight of his niece. He had grandchildren of his own of course, but they were mostly grown up now, and sometimes it was just hopeful and uplifting to get to bare witness to the next generation.

“She is! Would you like to hold her?” You offered, never wanting to be rude.

“When we sit. I don’t trust these old bones to carry any more weight than they have to, if you catch my drift.” Uncle Lando gratefully declined for the moment, as he lifted his cane in support of the fact.

“Old? Nonsense, you’re looking young and spry as ever.” You winked nevertheless, and were just about to escort him to his seat out of respect, when he stopped you and spoke low in your ear.

“Kylo been treatin’ you good? He’s not too busy with everything that’s gone on?” He asked, deadly serious for a moment.

“He’s perfect, as he always is.” You assured him, grateful for his concern.

Everyone else arrived before eight o’clock, although some cut it a little close. Kylo kept checking his watch, making a mental note of just how close, when each head of the family came through the doors.

Bob Fett came with gifts, expensive bottles of rare imported wine as an excuse for why he was nearly late.

“Mr. and Mrs. Ren, good to see you, it’s been some time hasn’t it?” Bob greeted you both jovially.

“Mr. Fett we really must get together more often, thank you for coming.” You smiled, passing the wine to the Knights to take care of.

“Damn I gotta tell you, you look almost better than you did before you got pregnant. Which that ain’t something a lot of women can say.” Bob had a bit of a habit of being a casually misogynistic bastard, and you almost entertained the thought of poisoning him for that comment, but then he burst into a wet coughing laughter and you knew the man would likely be dead within the next few years anyway, and so you smiled when he asked, “Where’s my seat?”

“Let’s go find it together shall we – drink?” You humored him as you gestured for a waiter to come over with a glass which he happily accepted.

As he did every year, Mr. Tarkin arrived quietly, on time, and sat down with a curt nod and greeting to everyone. You didn’t fault him for it, and were in fact glad that he didn’t feel the need for unnecessary conversation.

Just when you thought there would be an unfortunate repeat of last year, the final guest for dinner made his way into the room, eliciting a round of mock applause and sarcastic cheers from those already seated at the table.

“Well look who fuckin’ decided to show up this time!” Bob rolled his eyes and called out loudly as Jabba took his seat for the first time in a long time.

“Mr. Hutt, it’s good to see you.” You greeted him, only making the men jeer more.

“Maybe it ain’t so good to see you – I was hopin’ you’d kick the bucket by now!” Bob joked with his old friend, the two of them having had such an interesting friendship. Jabba often hired the Fett family to carry out murders he wanted his hands clean from, but they were both too tough to be openly friendly towards one another.

“The devil took one look at me and sent me back here to terrorize you jackasses a little longer.” Jabba joked right back, tucking the cloth napkin into the collar of his shirt before the bread and butter had even arrived.

“Thank fuck for that, where else would I get my best cigars?” Tarkin piped up from his end of the table.

“Alright alright shut the fuck up with the language there’s a baby in the fuckin’ room.” Uncle Lando spoke loudly over everyone, and even Kylo cracked a smile at that.

“She’s too little still, it’s fine.” You assured him quietly, before clearing your throat and standing up from your spot while Kylo held his daughter. “I’d like to make the toast this year, if I may.”

“Go right ahead honey.” Bob gave you permission you didn’t really need, but you bit back that comment for another day.

You raised your champagne glass, and everyone followed suit.

“It’s been a long year, for all of us. We’ve lost some members at our table,” You made a pointed look a where Rey would have sat if she were not murdered, and where Hux might have sat if he weren’t serving life in prison for said murder, “But we’ve gained some as well. It has been inspiring to see the way that despite these changes, we are all able to remain once again, intact. The world outside these walls is very different from the world you once knew, from the world our grandfathers and great-grandfathers knew.”

You look each and every one of them in the eye as you continue,

“But we are not our grandfathers. We uphold a legacy that still blazes strong, a legacy which we continue with traditions like these, meeting together year after year. Here’s to another prosperous year ahead.” You end your toast.

“To the future.” Kylo spoke, eliciting a chorus of To the future!

And just like that, in the silence of everyone taking a sip of their drink, it was as if nothing had changed at all. There were fewer chairs at the table, yes. But there were chairs, and there was a table, and that spoke volumes.

Kylo looked at you, and you looked at him right back. You reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze, and though he didn’t smile, he didn’t have to. You could see the love in his eyes from a thousand miles away, could feel the adoration that imbued his very presence.

They said that the crime families were no more, that they had disappeared with the end of an era. But you knew better, you saw firsthand, you participated in it of your own volition.

Lucky for you, your man, and your family, no one could ever get rid of crime. Not really.

Not really.

The End.

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Tagging some Kylo loving friends! If you’d like to be added or removed from the taglist, please just let me know!

@dreamboatdriver @kyloxfem @heldcaptivebychaos @solotriplets @formerly-anonhamster @lookinsidemyhead @candycanes19 @adamsnacc-kler @taylovren-types @whiskey-bumblebee @oberynmartell @magikevalynn @tinyplanet-explorers @chelsjnov @romancedeldiablo @helloimindelaware @elfieboxcat @laurenshit @autumnlovesadam @peterisparker @mp938368 @hidingp @goodboybensolo @intrestellarsarah @the-marvelatic @miasera @emily-strange @proxyfoxy @insanita @disaster-rose @hazydespair @yosoymuyloca @1-800-choke-that-snoke @ktellmeastory @anongirl007 @zimmerxman @okk--maaan @flapjacques

#kylo ren x reader #kylo ren/reader #kylo ren x you #kylo ren/you #mob kylo ren #mob boss au #mafia au #mafia kylo ren #each eye #my writing #kylo ren imagine #kylo ren fanfic #kylo ren fluff #modern kylo ren

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albusofecclesia · 3 years

Text

Creative Writing - Misplaced Anxiety

He really did not want to check his mailbox. Not at all. By Newton's Laws of Motion he did not want to check his mail out of dread of a few pieces of correspondence he had been putting off for some time. Anxiety ate away at him, head overthinking the matter in ridiculous ways and his stomach churning with proverbial dread.

He knew it would be alright once he finally did the task - and could start forward on the path to attend to his upcoming, cumbersome responsibilities expected of him. Being rendered so anxious over simply opening a few letters was embarrassing. He felt his ire rising steadily at himself and further worried that it might overflow and cause him to lash out at others unnecessarily.

Of all times for these matters to surface, though. He was in quarantine with the rest of the Order. He couldn't just gallivant off at the whims of another who had decided to wait until the middle of a pandemic to call in the favour owed. He had cut ties with the contact some years prior and had gone full no-correspondence, knowing that the only reason they were seeking him out now was because they needed something. And that something was suddenly necessary on their time, not Albus's. They'd had so much time before the pandemic to settle the matter. The audacity of some people. Really.

He found himself distracting, or rather procrastinating himself, with work on long-untouched projects, looking over old letters and papers, and even pacing to and from the windows when the energy would be better served to just go down and get his forsaken mail.

Why was this such an issue.

Goodness, it was tiring. It was so, so very silly to be so worked up over something that would be so menial and trite in the future. It was the apprehension, the tension, that was the hard part - but why was it so hard - this was really starting to aggravate his last nerve.

Maybe if he went down to make some tea, he could mentally prepare himself to collect his mail on the way back up to his quarters.

Alright. That was the plan. Now to head downstairs to make some tea.

Any time now.

Move.

Oh for…

He slumped back into the chair at his desk and gave a loud and irritated sighed into his hands as he covered his face. This was part of his burnout, he knew that. But had he not worked on it to the point of not being overstimulated by a small task? He felt so tired, even though he had done very little that day - aside from some light clerical work and a bit of self-care relaxing.

The human psyche was an interesting, temperamental thing.

Perhaps once the sun went down, he would find the energy to attend to the oncoming hard tasks he really, really did not want to start. They were, after all, big commitments from the moment he opened the letters. And he had no clue if he had the energy or the mental fortitude to see them through to the end.

He wanted help, but it wasn't a situation one could really ask another for help. Perhaps for moral support, but what lay ahead was for him to forge ahead solo, and he dreaded every step of the unknown fathoms ahead. Sure, once the situations were resolved, he might laugh, or realize they were not as tedious or terrifying as he had previously thought, but he couldn't coerce his mind otherwise. It didn't work that way, his mind didn't work that way.

Sometimes he worried and fretted far too much, to an exhausting degree. Adrenaline leaving his system after working himself into a tizzy was always rough on him, no matter how much he trained himself to keep level-headed in many a situation. He could stay calm in battle, in an argument, but sometimes little anxieties like the seemingly-by-comparison- miniscule challenge before him, sent him into a worry spiral that made him question his own sense of self and sanity. He hated every minute of each of these 'silly' little anxiety episodes.

And he never did end up noting the time when he finally mustered the energy and courage to go down and collect the dreaded mail.

((Mun's note: This is not to downplay anxiety attacks and generalized anxiety - it's sadly all too common for folks suffering anxiety to get mad at themselves over what is causing them such a reaction. I’m quite aware that I tend to beat myself up a lot over my rampant phone anxiety.))

#creative writing #drabbles

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minervacasterly · 4 years

Photo

~No Other Way: Mary’s Failed Escape Attempt~

As things between Lady Mary and her half-brother, King Edward VI got progressively worse, her imperial cousin, Charles V took action. He sent imperial ships that were disguised as merchant ships to England. The plan was to take her away from England and use her as a figurehead to intimidate Edward VI and his council. However, like every other escape plans, these failed.

“On the evening of Monday, 30 June 1550, three imperial warships arrived off the coast of Essex. Further out to sea, they were supported by four larger vessels. This little fleet, commanded by the Dutchman Cornelius Scepperus, had encountered a flat calm. The next day one of the ships made its way to Stansgate and a small boat, with two men in it, rowed ashore. They claimed to be grain merchants and took with them a sample of their corn, but when they got ashore they found things unnervingly quiet. There was no one to meet them and they were obliged to return to their ship without having spoken to any local people. They had, however, been observed, and by quizzical eyes. People living around about, especially in the small port of Maldon at the head of the Blackwater estuary, knew of the rumors and wondered about the true motives of these Flemings who had materialized overnight. They were not convinced that the grain vessel was alone or that it had become with innocent intent. Though there was a long history of problems with Scottish pirates plundering the imperial merchant fleet, which might explain the need for an adequately defended ship, something about this vessel seemed wrong. The real purpose, they feared, was altogether more sinister. Nearby at Woodham Walter the Lady Mary had been in residence since early May. Her confrontation with the government was well known and the possibility of her attempting to flee England had been all the talk in this part of Essex for weeks. It was hard to keep anything secret in a large household, where people came and went and not everyone was trustworthy, even if they seemed devoted. Yet few people could have anticipated quite how the enterprise would finally be abandoned. The saga of Mary’s abortive attempt to escape from England to what she hoped would be a secure haven in the Low Countries was well documented at the time. It has elements of almost surreal comedy: disguises, frantic attempts to keep something secret of which the authorities were well aware and the final, complete deflation of Mary’s refusal to seize the chance when offered. At its heart was a troubled woman under severe strain, who entertained the fantasy that creeps into the minds of many people who are stressed almost beyond their mental resources–that running away offers a simple solution to all their difficulties. It is less the act itself which matters, more its contemplation. Perhaps this explains the contradictory nature of Mary’s behaviour in the summer of 1550. A woman who had shown remarkable fortitude over so many years could not, for a time, cope with yet another assault. To call this weakness would be a harsh judgement of Mary, who could not forget the past … Charles V also thought long and hard about whether, in agreeing to Mary’s repeated requests that he should furnish her with a means of escape, he was doing the right thing. As always with the emperor, his doubts about the wisdom of the enterprise were partly inspired by an uneasiness about whether he would actually be doing his cousin a service and partly overshadowed by political considerations. Aside from the hazardous nature of getting her away by ship, once gone she became financially dependent on him and could not serve his purpose by acting as the rallying force of principled opposition in England. He was also preoccupied with his preparations for leaving Brussels, which he did at the end of May, to go and take up residence at Augsburg. Ill and unhappy, beset with costly wars and rebellious subjects, this weary man who was losing his grip on his vast empire must have found Mary’s troubles little more than a minor irritation. His instinct, and his instructions to Van der Delft, pointed towards calming Mary down and persuading her to temporise. Eventually, he reluctantly agreed to help her. The plan for Mary’s flight was put together over a two-month period between May and July 1550 and the princess was very much its moving force. She had convinced herself that not just her religion but her life was in danger. This was the answer she gave to Van der Delft, when he pointed out to her that, if the king died, her absence could deprive her of the crown and would probably ensure the triumph of religious change for good: ‘If my brother were to die, I should be far better out of the kingdom; because as soon as he were dead, before the people knew it, they would despatch me too; there is no doubt of that, because you know that there is nobody about the king’s person or in the government who is not inimical to me.’ The problem with following the emperor’s advice on temporising was that her own, grim experience told her quite the reverse: ‘I fear I may tarry too long,’ she said. ‘When they send me orders forbidding me the mass, I shall expect to suffer as I suffered once during my father’s lifetime; they will order me to withdraw thirty miles from any navigable river or sea-port, and will deprive me of my confidential servants, and, having reduced me to the utmost destitution, they will deal with me as they please. But I will rather suffer death than stain my conscience.’ Her suspicion of the council was profound. They were ‘wicked and wily in their actions and particularly malevolent towards me’ … Mary had given some thought to the details of her escape. Van der Delft acknowledged that the first plan developed was Mary’s idea and he believed it could be made to work. Or perhaps it would be truer to say that he hoped it would work, because it relieved him of involvement, and the thought that he might be compromised alarmed him. Like Mary, he had a regard for his own personal security and that of his family. His desire to be of service to the princess was tinged with growing anxiety, especially as he was ill and arrangements were already in hand for him to leave England himself. The essence of Mary’s scheme was that she should be as close to the sea as possible, to facilitate her escape by water … Royal lady as she was, Mary did not initially contemplate going alone. She wanted with her ‘four of her ladies whom she trusts more than the rest’ (interesting to note that she evidently had reservations about some of them) plus Rochester himself and two unnamed gentlemen, one of whom was ‘very rich but would willingly give up all that he possesses to follow my lady to a place of safety’. Apart from these people, Mary would take nothing with her ‘except her rings and jewels. The plate she uses belongs to the king,’ wrote the ambassador, ‘as, I suppose the tapestries and other furniture do.’ Van der Delft said that no one apart from himself, his secretary and Rochester knew of the princess’s plan. Whether that was true or not, it involved too many people to be practical. Then the possibility of a boat being procured in England evaporated. The month of May came and went with Mary still in Essex and still exhorting the ambassador and his master to help her leave. Matters stalled when the government introduced restrictions on all movements at night, so that ‘no roads or crossroads, no harbours or creeks, nor any passage or outlet’ escaped the vigilance of ‘good folk who had something to lose’. This was a reference to the possibility of further summer uprisings like those of the preceding year, but a secondary motive for the council may have been to restrict Mary and frustrate her possibility of flight. The plan that was finally put into action took shape after Charles V had left Brussels and was approved by him on 25 June. Its driving force may have been his sister, Mary of Hungary, the regent of the Low Countries, who was more inclined to make decisions and take action. She also wanted to ensure that any repercussions were minimised, particularly in the event of failure. This meant waiting until Van der Delft had left, so he could not be implicated, and it also required that his successor, Jehan Scheyfve, a man of whom the regent did not think much, was kept completely in the dark. Thus it fell to Jehan Dubois, secretary to the imperial embassy in London, to take on the burden of managing the revised escape plan. He was more than equal to the task; in fact, he carried out his part of it in exemplary fashion. But it did not succeed. The emperor foresaw difficulties when he gave his sister his guarded approbation. All concerned should be aware of the need for flexibility and not try ‘to reckon the thing too exactly from day to day, as if the sea were a fixed and invariable factor, permitting such undertakings as may be carried out on land’. He thought that there was inevitably some danger and that speed was vital, or the details might leak out. ‘As for disguising our cousin,’ he wrote, ‘I will leave that to those in charge … but no disguise need be used as to whether or not I knew of the undertaking, and it will be better to be quite open about it … for we have the best of reasons and have done all we could to protect our cousin’s person and conscience … and holding back as long as possible from this extreme measure, which it has now become imperative to resort to because of the attitude adopted in England.’ Charles was evidently not given to cloak-and-daggery and he was determined to put the blame on Edward’s councillors. He was more concerned that the pursuit of Scottish pirates, the pretext for his ships being in English waters, could lead to difficulties if the ambassadors expected from Scotland at any time arrived in Brussels before the ships set sail. In the event, none of the difficulties foreseen by Charles V happened. The reason Mary did not leave was straightforward. She had changed her mind. Or, put another way, when faced, at last, with the opportunity to go, she could not bring herself to do it.“

As before, Mary was faced with a difficult choice. She could have left and enjoy moments of bliss. But these would pass in time. She probably remembered the lessons in history. Although she had the fighting spirit of her Trastamara grandparents and Tudor grandfather, she knew that it would be a huge gamble to run away and then attempt to take the throne. Not to mention, the people who still believed in her. Many of them would still support her, but returning back wouldn’t be easy. Everything her enemies had accused her of, would start to ring true, and she could end up the same way as La Beltraneja, de la Pole and other pretenders who fled to foreign countries for protection and when they tried to come back to claim what they viewed was rightfully theirs, they failed. And then there was also the more personal aspect of this: her mother had refused the easy way out, clinging on to her title of queen and asking Mary to obey her father but also to persevere. This was one of her most harrowing trials where the end lesson was: she was on her own and could trust no one but herself and rely on her unwavering faith to see her the coming struggles.

Source quoted: The Myth of Bloody Mary by Linda Porter. For more information on this failed escape, I also recommend H.F.M. Prescott’s biography on Mary, The Spanish Tudor. She doesn’t have a favorable opinion on Mary but the biography is repleted with plenty of details and and this is one subject that she expands upon.

#mary tudor #tudor history #June 1550

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typhoontroubadour · 4 years

Text

How do you guys like your tea

Some notes about the placements can be found under the cut.

Those Dead Peeps: Don’t know anything about so I can’t make a real judgement on any of them.

Fuck You Guys: Self explanatory.

Mishima: Mishima gets a lower tier than everyone else cuz he was the first to die so we spent the least amount of time with him, and despite the fact he keeps coming back in some way or another I still can’t make myself care about him THAT much. That being said, I haven’t yet played island mode where he’s the only player character so that might sway my judgement later.

Ranger: While a bastard he’s a very entertaining bastard. That alone I think warrants him above the Fuck You tier. And also, while I still hold him accountable, his dad was the dick who left him without positive emotions and led to him taking the actions he does.

Safalin: I was thinking about putting her a tier above where she is but I don’t think she deserves to be on the same tier as the charcaters above her. She’d likely need her own middle ground tier as my fave doll.

Sara: Probably the first real eyebrow raiser. Sara while being a good and expressive character I feel is one of the most generic and average out of the group so far. Note that I said so far. She’s steadily become more complex as the story unfolds. I hope by the end and we find out what her deal is that the orginization wants her so badly I can bump her up at least one more ranking. To compare the series to Danganronpa (something no one has ever done before) in terms of protagonist level, she’s kinda like Makoto to me. There’s nothing wrong with her, but I just feel the future protags are more complex, in due no small part from being able to learn from writing for the first game onwards.

Reko; Alright, listen. I like Reko. I think she’s a good character. But compared to Sara and even her brother? (congrats to the trans fans for being fed that good shit btw) I just feel rather lukewarm about her. Reko and Alice are kinda comparable as rather abrasive characters with a softer side to them. I always can appreciate a character who can he tough but care for or look after the weaker ones. But at the same time that character alone can only get so far in my eyes. I think she’s missing some crucial piece of charcater to her to really make her stand out as her own. Something truly unique about her to let her stand on her own two feet. Until that day comes, I just see Reko as that cool big sister who got me through the dancing sub game.

Q-taro: This one’s pretty simple, I feel like I want to like him more than I do but can’t. I honestly thought he’d be dead by the end of chapter 2 when playing through it. It kind of feels like we’ve seen the extent of his character already through where we are in the sotry. I also find his character to sometimes flipflop back and forth sometimes? Like how he goes from the first main game saying we can’t nominate the kids to not willing to take the stinger for Gin. He seems like he really cares about trust and believing in people (other than Shin) but then chapter 2 happens and he kinda loses it? I dunno, it’s reasonable for someone to crack, but for him, to me, it feels like there needed to be more of a build up of seeing him start to collapse a bit. And then his shady behavior kinda gets pushed aside cwhen he works with Keiji and the focus shifts away from him. Don’t some of you think he can come off as if changing his alliances when they’re convienant for him? Long story short, he just seems kind of like a mess to me that needs sorted out to make sense of at the moment.

Joe/Jou: However you prefer to spell it, I think we can all agree he is a very good boi. Not much to say that hasn’t already been said on him.

Alice: I rank him higher than his sister cuz I just think he’s a slighter better version of her character and more enjoyable to read. Kinda sad to see him go.

Kai: Kai was someone who if I ranked these guys simply on the stuff we knew about them from chapter 1 I’d likely put in the average tier, but thanks to chpater 2 he’s risen a rank. He’s a very fascinating character I hope continues to have some sort of presence in the final chapter. I kinda feel like he’s done now that we’ve cleaned out his laptop, but I can hope. He also gets props for smacking Miley upside the head.

Keiji: Do I even need to say anything? No? Didn’t think so.

Sou/Shin: Remember all I said about Q-taro? Yeah, I feel Shin is that but it actually makes sense and he’s just a real interesting charcater to see act and react to things. He is a great love to hate character for me. I’m very interested to see how he’s handled in chapter 3 as someone who chose to have him live the end of chapter 2.

As a quick break before moving on, to speak on the character we recently learned of, Shadow Sou, just Sou Hiyori, whatever, while we still don’t know anything of him, I think we can all put aside our differences to want to jump this smelly bad man. I would take pleasure in seeing him hooked up to a punishment machine and having a bot set up to mash a button meant to prolong his suffering. That is all.

Gin: Let me be 100% clear right now. Everyone in this tier is here purely for being my fave. Do they deserve to be this high regardless? Your results may vary, but I believe so. I love Gin so much. He’s so good. He is the final alive member of the group who must be protected at all costs. I’m glad he’s found his own use to the group as the story went on. I didn’t know how to feel about him at the start of the game, Kind of like Kai I didn’t feel really attached to him. But the more I was able to be with him, the more the little guy grew on me. He is my adoptive little bro and I will visit him everyday and make sure to play with him. I really hope nothing bad happens to him in chapter 3, but I’m also so worried we’ll have more damage done to Sara’s mental fortitude before the end to try to breka her further. And I feel like that can only really come from losing Gin or Keiji at this point to sting as much as when Joe did.

Nao: Oh, Nao. My sweet baby. I think I should start this off by saying what I think all fans of Nao would like to sy to the game. How about you go fuck yourself? I’m serious, Nao gets shit on through the whole game leading to her end in chapter 2. What do you guys have against Nao? She’s great and I would’ve happily traded away her sacrifice card for my own. She’s so pure and trying to do her best and be a better person without realying so heavily on tohers like Mishima. But, I’d be an idiot to just ignore the fact she did kinda fulfill that before her end. You could easily argue she kinda already reached the end of her arc as a character. She finally reached that point the others that supported her thought she could be. Am I still sad to see her go? Of course I am. Do I find it a satisfactory end for her character? I say I’m glad she was at least able grow into herself before dropping her. And that’s you can really ask of a game like this.

Kanna: Last but not least we have dear, sweet, precious Kanna. It was rough choosing to vote against her at the end of chapter 2. That’s something I’ll have to see the consequences of on a repeat playthrough once the game is complete. I took her words to heart and let her protect Sara the only way she knew how. I hope she’s able to rest easy with her sister. I think Kanna, much like Gin, fit that good child charcater trait of being able to see the good in people depsite some things about them in that naively and pure way only a kid can. I like how depsite everything, she put her faith into Sara and Shin to the very end. If there’s one thig to respect about her character it’s that she stuck to her guns like Joe despite knowing her end was likely coming.

To anyone who read this whole thing top to bottom, or skipped around to the characters they cared about and made it down here to read about Kanna and noticed this last little spiel, you are the mvps, and I hope your faves make it out alive.

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