#please let's recognize the harmful stereotypes with this and just...not please | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

echo-stimmingrose · 10 months

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I just made a post about the end of pride month. It's July now, so happy disability pride month to my fellow disabled people!

Friendly reminders to able bodied people

Don't tell disabled people how to refer to themselves

Listen to them when and how they refer to their disabilities

You don't need to know why someone is disabled

This includes if they have a service dog, you may ask what tasks the dog performs if you are a business owner. Not what disabilities they have.

Also, in the US there are no "service dog cards/papers"

It's illegal to refuse service to someone because of a disability

If you know someone who is disabled questions are fine as long as you are respectful. Some of us love to educate. (However some aren't things we like to talk about, be respond that)

Slurs are never acceptable if they don't apply to you (you wouldn't use a racial slur don't use one about disabilities either)

Don't make jokes based around disabled people stereotypes. It's not funny.

Not all disabilities are visible!

I know you mean well but you do not know what it feels like, please do not tell disabled people you do.

When we say we are tired and you are also tired, we do not mean the same thing.

Abilism isn't funny, it causes so much harm and discrimination please don't be abilist.

Reminders for my fellow disabled people

You are valid no matter what.

You are allowed to have good days and still be disabled.

You are allowed to have bad days and need extra help or more time to rest.

With that you are allowed to take days to rest.

You know your limits, please follow them and don't harm yourself.

You are not an inconvenience!

Please remember to take your meds, they are important

Don't stop taking your meds without consulting with a doctor (unless they are doing horrible things, even then please contact your provider)

Also doctors who don't listen suck, we've all been there and we feel you.

You are not faking for attention no matter how much your brain tells you that

Sometimes you can't always look on the bright side. It's okay to recognize the negative as long as you don't let that take over.

Asking for help is good and doesn't bother people. And if it does those aren't people you should have in your life.

If a mobility aid will help you then use whatever will help you

Your problems are "bad enough" and valid. Don't compare yourself to other people and if you need help then get it.

You do not need to be absolutely horrible to get help.

If your diagnosis came as relief that is perfectly fine, knowing there's a cause for your problem and now having ways to manage it is wonderful.

If your diagnosis did not come as a relief that is perfectly fine as well. It's terrifying and soul crushing sometimes getting diagnosed and realizing you're going to deal with this forever. You're not alone.

You know your body better than anyone else. Listen to yourself and what your body needs.

You got this, you aren't alone. Mental and physical disabilities suck but be proud of them.

You live with them everyday and you're still here, you're still fighting. You're so strong.

#disabilties #disabled #chronically disabled #disability #disability pride month #chronic illness #pots #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #invisible disability #reassurance #mobility aid #cptsd #bipolar #borderline personality disorder #mental heath issues #disability awareness

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jade-of-mourning · 19 days

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just rewatched the first three episodes of lok and i'm obsessed again. korra is SO CUTE she's buff she's passionate she's self assured she's sassy as fuck she's the whole world to me omg.

welcome to republic city & the revelation do SUCH a good job of establishing the character of the city and really, introducing the new world!!! the revelation has been one of my favorite episodes of lok for a long minute because of its noir aesthetic, the art in the cityscaping, the insane cinematography and composition of the korra/mako & chi-blocker fight! the way that mako's revelation of his and bolin's backstory is a direct parallel to the fradulent backstory of amon!!!! (and the potential behind the firebenders-killed-my-parents stereotype as inflicted on a firebending kid,,,)

AND THE WAY KORRA IS IMMEDIATELY SMITTEN WITH MAKO IS SO FUNNY. the way that it just does not occur to mako at all to romantically like korra at all — he sees that bolin is not in their attic and automatically assumes that he's flirting with korra and is just entire amused at the concept like okay,,, then korra offers to help him find bolin and he goes "nah i got it" and i'm like dude,, if i were in your position i would literally be hanging off of her bc she's so cute wdym Nah I Got It you do not got it you are a hot trauma mess let the pretty girl help you. actually he's aro what.

also i'm yelling about how bolin was written as, y'know, an actual human being with feelings and nuance in characterization in these first few episodes. the show could never make me hate you bolin. and the way mako looks so tired all the time especially in his initial introduction just looking at his side profile, and how he word for word goes "i think i'm gonna turn in; you kids have fun" at korra and bolin STOP. mako physically picking up an equalist and hauling them off the stage like a ragdoll bc they were going to harm bolin is the truest shit of all time. sorry i still think mako should've been a girl but in that moment where he asks if bolin is alright and bolin goes "YES MAKO I LOVE YOU" i agreed bc i love him for who he is in canon too

THE SETUP FROM A LEAF IN THE WIND guys the way the airbending philosophy translates over into an entire theme of the season,, how tenzin and korra's relationship already evolves so much over the course of one episode and how they recognize their own faults and acknowledge each other's perspectives; they were always meant to help build one another into better more empathetic people. i just love watching their dynamic so much um kind of the most important part of the show. also the way that korra sees what mako does in the ring and connects it to what tenzin told her about airbending and how it finally clicked for her,,, sorry i'm once again thinking about the sheer potential that makorra could've been until it got absolutely trashed in about one episode from now LOL. (i'm joking it took about another season before that happened but still.)

talk to me please i need to yell about season 1 again and esp the first three episodes because they had so much potential for so many good things and just never got the time to explore it in its entirety,,,, AAAAAAA never getting over the visuals the personality in the animation the background paintings the music just hgnajdsgbhkbsjdgajs SEASON ONE KORRA I LOVE YOU. also my chest hurts sm what

#lychee's brain trash #sorry about this absolute batshittery this is why i shouldn't post on tumblr #THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INCOMPREHENSIBLE i just need to put it out in the world #THINKING ABOUT LOK AGAIN.#i think that it deserves its own tag on my blog bc i make so much shitposting #something among the lines of #lok the unbelievably messy & sincere shitfest you are

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misc-obeyme · 23 days

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Anon who'd discussed the use of the word 'psychotic' here- I know that I was terse when I sent that anon, and I apologize for that.

It mainly comes from having friends who experience psychosis and are thus targets of that kind of stigma/stereotype, and I'm also known to be generally blunt. Still, I certainly could have said it better.

I don't and did not believe that you already knew the implications of the word or were using it that way intentionally, and I appreciate the fact that you were willing to listen to the point regardless.

To the person in replies who said, verbatim, "every word is offensive at this point." (Which, I'd like to note, I don't blame you for, misc. Just wanted to address it because I know others are going to react the same way.)

Not every word is offensive, no. But when you use a word that directly refers to someone with a disability and you use it to generalize about everyone with that disability and imply everyone with psychosis is a horrible awful person, I'd say that's pretty fucking ableist, no?

Hi there, anon.

I appreciate the apology. But I do recommend thinking more carefully about the anon messages you send in the future, especially on a topic like this.

I'm a writer. I know how powerful words and language can be. As such, I always do my best not to use my words to harm people. It's something I'm careful about and something I care about in general.

That's why I was able to listen to your point at all. Because I cared more about the people I was possibly harming than I did about how you made me feel. I almost didn't respond at all, but decided I'd rather fix the mistake than leave it.

The fact is, I am very open and receptive to these sorts of corrections. Like I said, I already make an effort to mitigate this kind of thing. I would never knowingly perpetuate harm in this way. But I'm also human. And I make mistakes. I'm happy to be told when I make them so I can fix them.

But most people are not like me. And I can promise you that the way you presented your argument would have shut someone down to where they wouldn't even listen to the point. And you wouldn't have accomplished your goal at all.

And because you're anonymous, I don't know if you're someone who has been following me for a long time or just happened upon my post in the tags, you know? To me, it feels like someone random just coming at me without knowing me at all.

I understand that you want to protect your friends, but it's also important to recognize that presenting things in that manner is not helpful. Especially when you're talking to someone who already agrees with you.

Lastly, I am going to say that I consider this topic closed. You pointed out that this word is harmful, I agreed and edited my use of it. If you want to discuss things with people who are commenting on that post, please don't do it through anon asks. You can respond to them off anon in the comments, but I won't act as a go between for discourse.

Due to this, I am also going to delete any anon asks that I have since gotten that are about the discussion around this word. This isn't specific to this person, but just a general notice to all anons: if you have sent me an ask or send me an ask that's about this or that includes this word, I will delete it.

My stance is always to listen to people who are harmed by words that have been used against them. I have no problem accepting that I've made a mistake and fixing it. If I ever use a word that is actively harmful to people, I can promise you it's because I was unaware of the impact of it. In such a case, please feel free to let me know. I would rather be told than continue to use it. All I ask is that you afford me some grace and treat me with a little more kindness.

#there is a reason I don't actively engage in discourse in general #but when it's brought to me directly I will address it #however I think my stance on this is pretty clear at this point #anon asks #misc answers

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moonlit-positivity · 15 days

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Actively suicidal vs passively suicidal

Actively suicidal:

Panicked

Head swirling

Anxious

Heart beating fast

Plan in place

Writing suicide notes

Making wills for your possessions

Planning out backup methods

Researching methods

Looking for reasons to stay alive

Fear

Crying

Anxiety

Feeling hopeless

Not knowing who to call or where to go

Knives & other tools in hand

Threatening to do it

Car accidents/ drunk driving

Screaming

Calling police/ threatening suicide by cop

Involuntary commitment/psych ward hospitalizations

Feeling like there's no other choice

Feeling like nobody cares

Feeling like you're better off dead

Trauma & traumatic memories

Panic attacks

Passively suicidal:

Joking & making memes about suicide, dark humor

Self destruction like smoking cigarettes in hopes that it will slowly kill you someday

Drugs & alcohol to numb the pain

Hygiene goes to shit bc you just don't give a fuck anymore

Self sabotage & negative, abusive self talk

Self harm

Isolating

Ghosting all your friends

Eating disorders

Purposely using social media to be a jackass

Purposely using fictional characters to vent about your life

Writing fanfic about what you're going through

Disrupted sleep patterns

Angry outbursts, throwing things, repressed anger issues

Hiding behind humor, memes, jokes, sarcasm, to be the funny friend so no one thinks you're suffering

Giving support to everyone else around you bc you're nice like that but also bc you wish someone would do the same for you

Taking on too much responsibilities that don't belong to you

Falling into cycles of fawning & people pleasing and then crashing with extreme rage bc you're not being listened to or taken seriously by those around you

Developing toxic & maladaptive behaviors

Purposely neglecting health

Angry all the time

Ill tempered, bad moods, mood swings, unprocessed trauma

Dissociation ie feeling too numb

Staying in bed for prolonged periods of time

Feeling hopeless

Feeling trapped

Feeling like there's no way out

Feeling stuck

Feeling like no one cares

Not knowing where to go or how to bring it up

Not knowing if you're even valid to feel that way

The one thing in common is the intense overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, the lack of awareness, and the lack community support- because nobody ever talks about it unless you're actively seeking help.

Let's do better.

Let's open up dialogue for how to recognize, help, and better cope with the silent suffering that many of us know.

You don't have to be actively reaching for the knife in order to be suicidal.

There are so many signs that go unnoticed and overlooked, that can be caught by a simple act of connection.

"Hey, I've noticed you've been distant lately. What's on your mind?"

The problem with society is that we are too pain averse. "People complain too much! You're stuck in your head! Victim mentality! Too negative!"

In reality, allowing someone to express themselves is the best act of humanity we can allow.

Their suffering is not your responsibility. There's a difference in providing support to someone vs caretaking their depression. You cannot do the work for someone else. Draw yourself some boundaries to what you're willing to do vs what you feel is too much to help out.

But you can still listen and acknowledge that the pain is there. You can also check your own bias on this topic. Are you perpetuating harmful stereotypes against mental health and supporting loved ones during a depressive episode? Are you the type of person one can feel safe to express opinions openly and confidently with? Without needing to judge, control, give advice, or force your own opinions over someone else's autonomy and right to live their own life? It can help to adjust your expectations of what "giving support" can look like. Ask the person what they need & how you can help. You cannot "fix" another human being. We are not robots like that. All we need is patience, kindness, and a safe place to vent. Can you do that for someone?

That's all you need to do.

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #mental health #boundaries #healing #healing thoughts #suicide awareness #depression #bpd #self harm #self hate #self sabotage #self care #advocacy #awareness

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bladebreecada · 10 months

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// Puppychan , Salem

Please stay off the internet, for the safety of others and yourself. You can't blame past actions on your mental health. You are responsible for what you say and what you do. Your best route to recovery, as well as the safety of those you hurt, is staying off the internet and getting help.

Imagine making an apology just to pin your bad behavior on your alter, meanwhile using stereotypes of DID/OSDD to explain away your wrongs.

I'm singlet saying this but there are dx'd systems who are very upset by pup's apology. I don't know if Pup has DID, but I do not want to fakeclaim him. However, he needs to be held accountable.

Anyway, stop using apologies to excuse bad behavior. Apologies should be about taking responsibility and recognizing the harm of your actions and the pain of those you hurt. You can explain your actions, context is important, but there's a line you have to be careful of when apologizing for what you did wrong.

I know my anxiety and mood problems can get really bad but I'm still responsible for the actions I take during them. But a big part of taking responsibility is to find ways to avoid doing the wrong thing again. Like if I feel a spiral coming on, I take a break from social media to avoid saying bad shit. Or if I said bad shit, I delete it and apologize for what I said. I learned to be more transparent while communicating with others and not let my anger get the best of me. I'm not perfect, I don't have to become a new person overall anyway. But I learned to be responsible for my actions and practice not just the lessons of my past wrongs, but also understanding how my actions affect people, no matter how big or small.

Getting better means recognizing your faults and futureproofing your behavior to avoid further harm. Some people may not forgive you, but that's okay, use that to fuel better behavior.

But here in this case, it's not just bad behavior, it's inappropriate behavior around minors including an instance of grooming. Also, past suib-baiting, racism, and letting your past following harass those who tried to hold you accountable. Where's the apology for all that?

Heck, how do you do better from any of that? Answer: stay away from the communities you hurt.

Edit: Hey, I understand if people interacting with this post because it's a puppychan warning, but please if you are a minor, do not interact with this post. This includes reblogging or liking. My blog is 18+ and it is better to assume that any post I make here is 18+. I block minors on sight. Please stop interacting.

#oh my god #fucking hell #also puppychan you really shouldn't return to social media at all #this place is not healthy for you it will not help you

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cottoncandytomu · 11 months

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As I would assume most of you have seen, there's a lot of shit going down in tlou2 fandom rn. Especially when it comes to writers and as a writer in the fandom I wanted to share my thoughts.

First off, I've seen this happen before. To make an entire fucking account to hate off of a creator is diabolical behavior. Not only that but it's the biggest way to tell everyone that you're a minor. No normal adult would make an entire account to slander writers. ESPECIALLY when it comes to their race. Adding onto that, racism is fucking disgusting behavior. It always has and always will be. The fact that this stemmed because POC want writers to be more inclusive in their writing is on another level.

Please take a moment to realize the privilege that comes with reading fan fics as a "stereotypical white person." A lot of fan fics (not just in this fandom) cater to a specific type of people. You have to recognize how frustrating it can be for someone who doesn't fit that type to be engrossed in a story to then read that the reader "blushed as red as a tomato" when they have a darker complexion.

Ellie is a fictional character and can be written with whoever the writer wants them to be with, it's a fucking video game. Stop treating these video game characters as REAL PEOPLE and putting ACTUAL REAL PEOPLE down. It's that simple. To attack creators based off of their race is bigoted disgusting foul fucking behavior and that will not be tolerated in this fandom.

Go seek professional help, please. As to all the writers who are not POC please, it's not that hard to be inclusive. Just stop writing to things that pertain to blushing, hair as well. Not everyone has luscious smooth hair that Ellie can run her fingers through. Just take a moment to reread what you're putting out there. And if you don't want to be inclusive at least be courteous enough to warn the readers that your said story pertains to a certain type of reader.

Another issue is minors in this fandom as well. I've talked about this loads and it seems to never stop. I know minors go and look at spaces they're not welcome and that none of you will stop because who will stop you. But please take into consideration that we are hell bent on keeping you off our page for our safety and yours. There are people out there who want to cause you harm, please be aware of this. And they will start with using the fact that you're in these spaces. An adult who is looking out for your safety will not interact with you, so please just wait till you're old enough and stay away from our spaces. It's infuriating to have to keep saying this. But respect our boundaries as we respect yours. You can seriously get someone in trouble just by simply interacting with their 18+ content. Be mindful!!

With all that being said, this will be the only thing I have to say on the matter unless it goes out of control again. My page does NOT TOLERATE BIGOTED RACIST BEHAIVOR. NEVER HAS AND NEVER WILL.

Also if anything in my writing makes you feel as if you're not included please let me know. I try to the best of my ability to make my writing inclusive to the WLW part of the fandom.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this! <3

Tomu~

#the last of us 2 #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x f!reader

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chattingwiththelightkeeper · 4 months

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Breaking the Chains of Promiscuity

The realm of human sexuality is vast and diverse, encompassing a wide array of desires, preferences, and practices, like BDSM. Unfortunately, the misconceptions surrounding BDSM often lead to unfair judgments, particularly in terms of character and promiscuity. Today, let’s take aim at and debunk the stereotype that individuals engaged in BDSM are inherently slutty, easy, or sex-crazed.

BDSM is a consensual and mutually enjoyable form of erotic play that involves power dynamics, role-playing, and the exploration of various kinks. It is crucial to understand that engaging in BDSM activities requires explicit consent, communication, and trust between all involved parties. The emphasis on consent underscores the importance of boundaries and respect in any BDSM relationship.

One prevailing misconception is that individuals who participate in BDSM are promiscuous, easy, or overly obsessed with sex. This oversimplification overlooks the intricate dynamics at play within BDSM relationships and the diverse motivations behind engaging in such activities.

BDSM enthusiasts are not defined solely by their sexual practices. They, like anyone else, have multifaceted personalities, careers, hobbies, and relationships outside of the bedroom. Reducing them to derogatory stereotypes ignores the rich tapestry of their lives and perpetuates harmful biases.

The cornerstone of any healthy BDSM relationship is explicit and informed consent. Participants engage in open and honest communication to establish boundaries, negotiate activities, and ensure that all involved parties feel safe and respected. The meticulous attention to consent demonstrates a commitment to understanding and respecting each other's desires, limits, and comfort levels.

Judging someone's character based on their engagement in BDSM reflects a lack of understanding about the importance of consent and communication within these relationships. Assuming promiscuity or recklessness oversimplifies the nuanced dynamics that govern BDSM interactions.

Participating in BDSM does not correlate with promiscuity or an insatiable sexual appetite. People involved in the lifestyle may derive pleasure from unconventional activities, power dynamics, or specific fetishes, but this does not dictate their overall behavior or sexual availability. It is essential to recognize that a person's sexual preferences are just one aspect of their identity and do not define their morality or character.

Dispelling the myth that individuals engaged in BDSM are inherently slutty, easy, or sex-crazed requires a shift in societal attitudes and a commitment to understanding the complexities of human sexuality. Recognizing the importance of consent, communication, and respect within lifestyle relationships helps break down stereotypes and promotes a more inclusive and informed perspective on diverse sexual practices. In the end, acknowledging the individuality of each person involved in BDSM fosters a more accepting and understanding society.

If you enjoyed this, I invite you to give my podcast a listen 'Chatting With The Lightkeeper,' a top 25% most-followed podcasts on Spotify but available on all the major podcasting apps and follow my socials for more exclusive content: Instagram, Facebook, and X (formerly Twitter) for a deeper dive into the wonderful world of D/S.

As with all of my thoughts, please see this disclaimer.

©TLK2024

#bd/sm blog #bd/sm community #bd/sm daddy #bd/sm kink #bd/sm lifestyle #bd/sm relationship #d/s #d/s community #d/s relationship #dom/sub #my writing

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impunkster-syndrome · 7 months

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hi wait

I wrote out all the stuff I remember about pluralhub's cult-like behaviors

if you're comfy with it can you PLEASE elaborate because while i sort of just. joined and then let it sit in my serverslist, id like to leave immediately if theres shit like THAT going on there

thank you regardless of whether you end up elaborating or not!

It was mostly me doing this for a server I am on that is not affiliated. I recognized a few members from The Garden and we started talking about it.

I want to add as a disclaimer that many groups will have these traits to a lesser degree. What matters is the impact and reason for doing so. I do think that people do not always set out to create controlling groups, but they can become harmful over time.

I took all criteria from this link right here, so refer to that as I go down the list.

Using this to take a look at pluralhub, and here's what I see:

Behavior control-

12 - Which I think is fair to say is pretty common with how for example the theory of structural dissociation was immediately considered "not how systems work" when it may apply for some because of the guy behind it. In that environment, it was really a "You have to believe the same as everyone else" kind of thing.

13 - Really applies to the "All anti-endos are inherently malicious and out to get you" mentality. This lead to stuff like people who even were friendly to anti-endos getting regarded with scorn.

Information control-

1 - Since a lot of resources were misrepresented and even criticism was intentionally misrepresented. Stereotyping of DID and how much amnesia and what types were enough to count.

2 - Is a big one. There were a handful of known resources widely shared and people were often discouraged from other perspectives. SophieInWonderland was a big blog that was circulated that did often misrepresent critics as well.

4 - With how people are known to get banned for stuff in non-partnered servers.

5 - See one as well, sort of had a "Approved information" thing unofficially. It'd be the same reasons every time. The Harvard thoughtform study, the single bhuddist who said they don't find it appropriative, etc. The anti-endo who pointed out that "tulpa" language is culturally appropriative was discredited for being anti-endo and the points were never truly engaged with in a non-defensive way in the wider plural community as well.

6 - With sources and system information being used against people, like "problematic" fictives, the BeeFox situation (That one is a lot more complex but should have been handled better and not as public from what I know of it), the encouragement of spying and reporting non-hub activity to the hub for bans.

Thought control-

1 - In most spaces you have to prove you're good enough for hub rules and they at times require external socials as proof. The forms for verification can be intrusive.

2 - For things like pressuring "problematic" introjects to change or disavow their source, as well as anyone with memory barriers or amnesia being pushed to get a diagnosis despite the ableism that can come with that

3 - A lot of stereotyping to stop complex conversations, like how common DID stereotyping was.

4 - Questioning -genic stances frequently got you outcasted or sort of unofficially watched.

5 - I sort of count it? Encouraging of introjects of other server members, how quick people would hand over thoughtform resources, the meme that kept giving people new headmates by being an infohazard

6 - Staff are known to lie and misrepresent situations that make the hub look bad, Grey Skies' history of trying to shut down any criticism of the hub itself and the community

8 - Anything critical of the hub was mocked or ignored

9 - Same as 8

10 - Major problem with this and anti-endos. Anti-endos were made out to be either stupid or inherently in the wrong due to their stance, so any points were discarded as "Oh they're anti-endo." The community very frequently poisons the well to try to discredit anyone with different information or stances.

11 - Sort of? it was very centric on "we don't know much about the brain so anything can happen" and I do count that as being able to alter that perception.

Emotional control-

1 - Yes, so often. Any idea of "This person in-sys is causing too much harm and dormancy is not enough" is seen as bad as outerworld murder or if someone chooses to not exist anymore that is a bad thing.

3 - Problems with server atmosphere are always blamed on members

4 - Mostly in situations like 1 but also for not agreeing with server staff, not rejecting a "problematic" source, etc

5 - The "Anyone who is anti-endo is out to get you" idea, the spying, and how you would get cut off from all hub friends if you got banned and most will likely not contact you

6 - Actually happened with us multiple times, usually when someone's system doesn't function like other systems "should" or when questioning the norm

8 - You will lose all your friends and connections in the hub and for a while you were out of the plural community entirely due to how small syscord is. For the start, PH was the first known big hub with no competition until Multiplicity Database came around.

The Garden and high control of the hub in general practically traumatized us into not remembering that.

#the blackbox askbox #pluralgang #pluralpunk

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hyperfixingfr · 7 months

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Why are we blaming Warburton for this? I'd argue that despite Hoagie's rocky beginning he becomes as important as the other characters in the series very quickly. it's not that deep LMAO

Idk why you're defending a dude that's known to have some problems with sexist and fatphobic views but whatever. "It's not that deep" am I not allowed to call out a creator for a show I like for his own treatment of characters??? 😭

Also just because he was given lore doesn't mean that they didn't have the character's size be a huge joke throughout the entire series, with characters constantly making it out as gross

It also doesn't mean that they didn't play off the fact that he's abused by his grandmother as some funny "haha look he's being wacked haha so funny" gag

It also doesn't stop the fact that, for 20 years, Warburton has kept the character the same in terms of the fatphobic design

He was a key writer on his own show. If he really felt bad he would've at the very least slowly written out the gags of him overeating, being rejected by girls for being "fat and gross" and passing it off as a completely okay opinion, and any scene with him being harmed by his grandma less of a joke (and if he really didn't wanna make it less of a joke, cut it all together). All of these things were shown in the last season and even in the key ending parts like ZERO and INTERVIEWS.

It's not like he only did this to 2 either because his treatment of 3 & 5 is crazy too. 3 is a racist stereotype who is considered by the team as almost useless. 5 is ALSO a racist stereotype, however I will give him a SLIGHT pass on that because she was written to be less "cool" and to actually have other emotions + stopped being the mother of the group. Also, don't forget Lizzie. Lizzie is supposed to look like some irrational crazy girl for being REASONABLY UPSET AT NIGEL'S NEGLIGENCE. She's not flawless, but... Come on. She is a sexist stereotype. "Nagging girlfriend".

Please, let's not defend Warburton. You all know I love the show, but... You need to be able to recognize it's flaws, and especially it's creator's flaws. I learned this a long time ago when I was fixated on ICarly and I think it's time we stop portraying these characters in the bigoted ways that the creator had written them to be.

#knd #yeah im putting this in the tags because i am snarky and i do want others to see this because this fandom ignores the bigger issues too much

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unidonkey · 2 years

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So anyway here's another Luisa Madrigal appreciation post

#luisa madrigal #encanto #encanto spoilers #tall lady soft and strong #i love her your honor #encanto 2021 #i hear some people hc her as mtf and i just #listen. if you are a buff mtf or any kind of mtf really you go girl i love you and you are absolutely beautiful #if you are a buff mtf or any kind of mtf really you go hc luisa as mtf if it makes you happy #but for the love of god u other people please no #some people here have spoken better about this than me #please let's recognize the harmful stereotypes with this and just...not please #also this movie isn't about queer identities so can we please just enjoy the cultural beauty that it is #i love queer rep as much as the next gay but this ain't it yall #anyway i'll shut up now please enjoy my screenshots i spend the whole night taking them

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llilychen · 4 years

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thinking back to the conversation i once had with a sj*m stan about the atrocious rep in sj*m books and then they said that it was good because nesryn became queen and aedion (who compared himself to a prostitute) was bi

#let’s not pretend that all lgbt characters in sjm books haven’t been meaningless side characters or harmful stereotypes or killed #let’s to pretend that poc in her books have not been meaningless side characters or harmful stereotypes or killed #just thinking about it makes my blood boil #it’s okay if you like her work but please recognize it’s flaws #sjm negativity

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greenteabtch · 3 years

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Asian Americans have always occupied a unique place in the American racial sphere. We are never considered white by white Americans and often our position as marginalized is contested by other people of color. A lot of this is due to our ‘invisibility’ as a group which has both helped and harmed our community and given rise to the ‘model minority myth’ that stereotypes the entire asian community (which accounts for East, South, South East, and Pacific Islander groups) based on the success of the relative few.

It’s crucial that in this time we recognize how this myth has gone on to divide us as a community from other minority groups and realize that the root of these injustices comes from nothing else except the continuing value of white supremacy.

In the wake of these attacks on the AAPI community, please donate to any anti AAPI Racism groups, but if you cannot, it is just as important that you educate yourselves on AAPI racism and bias because for so long our problems have been written off as “trivial,” “not enough,” or simply unseen. Hating Asians and spitting slurs and objectifying comments is too commonplace and is laughed off as a part of media culture. It needs to be taken seriously.

The reality is we are all victims of the racial hierarchy and the unchecked fetishization, violence, and ignorance to Asian American issues has culminated into what we see today.

Here are some articles I strongly recommend reading through as a very brief start to your education. If you can’t read them all, that’s fine but please at least read one! NOTE: this is not comprehensive and each issue impacts different subgroups of the Asian American group (which is extremely diverse) at different levels. This is only intended as a small insert into a few issues for American Asian communities. (15 min read) National Geographic: “America’s long history of scapegoating its Asian citizens.” Emphasizes how different Asian communities have been impacted by America’s history of Anti-Asian scapegoating, blaming, and how we have never been accepted by White America. (note: it says u gotta put an email to subscribe, i literally just mispelled something random and the pop up went away so please don’t let that dissuade you): (link) (5 min read) PBS: “The long history of racism against Asian Americans in the U.S.” Goes into the history of the model minority myth and how Asian immigrants have been weaponized against the Black community and even other Asians by White Americans even while being continuously discriminated against: (link) (3 min read) Women’s Media Center: “How The Fetishization of Asian Women Leads to Violence.” I cannot emphasize enough how sick I am of Asian women’s fetishization being written off as a preference without impact when googling them literally just links me to hundreds of violent porn sites: (link) (5 min read) The Cool Bears: “’Yellow Fever’: The Fetishization of Asian Women.” Similar to the previous articles but it identifies how this fetishization manifests in day to day humor and conversation: (link) (7 min read) CNN: “The History of Attacks against Asian Americans is Complicated. Addressing it will be too.” Not my favored news source but a good overview of the Asian American community’s generational attitude change towards discussing racism: (link) If anyone has any other resources to add, or if any of these sources contain misinformation I have not caught, other asians please feel free to add on and correct.

note: for those looking for donation links, this post has an extensive google doc containing AAPI organizations for many different states as well as caards and funds.

#resources #hate crime mention cw #xenophobia cw #aapi racism cw #racism cw #georgia shooting cw #fetishization cw #long post

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leonardhoee · 3 years

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A Rant About Ikesen’s Treatment of Motonari

I’ve been away from tumblr for a while but I had to come back for this.

So something I’ve noticed throughout playing Ikesen is the way that the game is very biased agains Motonari and I think it needs to be addressed because he is the only brown character and his portrayal is full of harmful stereotypes against brown men. I love this game but I haven't seen a single person acknowledge how badly Motonari is treated by the creators and the fandom as a result of that.

Also any racist comments will be blocked.

Possible route spoilers under the cut…

So lets start with the obvious, he is the only dark skinned character in Ikesen and when I first started playing I was so happy about that because finally (regardless of his ethnicity which honestly in this portrayal of him can be up for debate, I HC him as south East Asian) we are getting some representation. Throughout the game though I started noticing a lot of harmful stereotypes being thrown onto him that none of the other characters face.

Both him and Nobunaga are relatively misogynistic, I’m not denying that at all. However the way it is portrayed in their routes is very different. Nobunaga should in fact have sexual harassment charges, yet its romanticized repeatedly throughout his route. Motonari on the other hand treated MC as a possession the same way Nobunaga did, however he is shown as aggressive and scary as opposed to Nobunaga being shown as sexy and romantic.

There is also a difference in their respective CG’s

Motonari’s CG is shown much more threatening and aggressive than Nobunaga’s

That brings me to my next point. Every other antagonist so far is shown to have a gentle and redeemable side. Kenshin threatened to wage war on the whole country while keeping MC locked in a cell yet he is still shown to be gentle and romantic. Kennyo repeatedly kidnaps and threatens MC’s life in other routes yet he is shown as a gentle monk who just wants revenge for his fallen brethren. Why doesn't Motonari get that level of consideration and empathy? Why is he, the only brown man, shown as an aggressive two-dimensional brute in every single route that isn’t his own? And this is a harmful stereotype that shows itself in all kinds of media. Brown men are depicted as predatory and aggressive both in fiction and real life.

This leads me to his ethnicity (I’m only talking about Ikesen’s portrayal of Motonari, I am well aware he was a Japanese warlord irl). In his route there is a part where he is talking about slavery and colonialism. As a South Asian woman I completely understand his perspective and its what got me thinking about this subject in the first place.

This subject is clearly personal to him. These lines, the way he looks as opposed to the other characters, and the fact that he speaks Spanish (around this time period the Philippines were being colonized by Spain), leads me to head cannon him as South East Asian, specifically Filipino. However, historically, Motonari comes from a region of Southern Japan, which is known as Hiroshima today. Cybird meant to market him as Okinawan. A large part of the reason Motonari is being treated this way by Cybird stems from the fact that people from Okinawa face racism from mainland Japan. Considering the fact that this game was made in Japan, and knowing what we know about their history of colonization, racism, and east asian beauty standards revolving around colorism, I am honestly not surprised that Motonari is being portrayed like this.

Until now they just showed his reason for fighting the Oda to be “oh I just want to watch the world burn for no reason”. But no that’s not the reason. These lines. That’s the reason. A lot of the context behind those lines comes from the fact that comes from because people from mainland Japan treated Okinawan people as slaves. He doesn’t want to see another colonizer come into power. Sure he’s a bit of an extremist but historically people who have this ideology have always been portrayed as savage and barbaric and “against the betterment of society” (think Jet from atla or even Malcom x). It’s no different in ikesen. The devs are clearly villainizing this ideology. Let’s not forget the fact that irl Hideyoshi invaded Korea. And the fact that anime and otome games are part of Japan’s way of erasing their war crimes and rebranding themselves to the rest of the world. It’s blatantly obvious here with the way they’re villainizing Motonari for having a perfectly valid reason to fight the Oda. If Japan stays divided they can’t invade and colonize other countries like the Philippines can they? Anti-colonialism = bad.

Lastly I want to talk about how they downplayed his abilities as a leader and a warlord in his own right. In all the other routes he is depicted as less educated and frankly “dumb”, and it shows itself in his speech patterns too. Compared to Nobunaga and Mitsuhide, Motonari’s speech is stereotypically “less educated” and “lower class”. Yet he is just as much of a leader as any of the other warlords. However instead of acknowledging that, the game chooses to focus on his crimes and behavior as a pirate, instead of his role as the head of the Mouri clan.

At one point Kicho even compares his intelligence to a fifth grader which just rubs me the wrong way because lets take a moment to actually look at Motonari’s abilities. He is multilingual, has knowledge of global politics and economics, is an amazing businessman, and extremely analytical. He is literally known as the God of Decit, yet I did not hear that name once until his route came out. His strategies are good enough to be called a god, yet that is completely buried in the other routes in order to simplify his character into a trigger happy psychopath and a violent brute. He is just as smart as Nobunaga yet he is not given the credit he deserves.

Both Motonari and Nobunaga are extremely similar yet because of the horribly biased portrayals, Motonari is one of the least popular characters whereas Nobunaga is the second most popular. It makes me angry to see people in the fandom choosing to blindly hate Motonari without recognizing the fact that this stems from a frankly racist portrayal of an extremely intelligent and powerful character. Although truthfully, I blame the devs because if they had given his character even half the consideration and depth the others got, this would not be the case.

You can disagree with me if you want. I am simply bringing attention to something I haven’t seen being addressed.

I hope in future routes, events, and sequels he is treated better by the devs and and the fandom. Please stop projecting racist stereotypes onto brown men.

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wordsnstuff · 3 years

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10 Mistakes to Avoid When Writing About Mental Illness

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Reinforcing Stereotypes

This goes without saying, but neurodivergent people (and characters) each experience and cope with their mental illnesses differently. Schizophrenia is not simply hallucinations. Depression is not simply feeling suicidal. Anxiety is not simply consistent fear or unease. Your character, depending on what causes/triggers their symptoms, will present their mental illnesses differently, both on the inside and outside. A person’s experience of mental illness is affected by their environment, their background, their priorities, their personality, and their other struggles. Reflect this in their story, rather than reading a long list of general symptoms and checking them off in your draft.

1 Symptom Sally

Mental illness affects every aspect of an individual’s life. It’s more complicated and far-reaching than simply “having a harder time than everyone else”. Depression, for instance, is frequently portrayed with an acute emphasis on the symptoms of fatigue, lack of motivation, and sadness. However, depression has a lot of symptoms that many aren’t aware are connected to the illness, such as executive dysfunction, irritability, and sickness. Even those with a general diagnosis of a mental illness aren’t going to have that diagnosis just because they feel sad a lot of the time. There must be more, and it must be shown.

Romanticizing Suicide

There’s a delicate balance between depicting the reality and gravity of suicidal thoughts/ideation and making it sound appealing. If you’re reading a story, narrated by a character who has suicidal tendencies, it’s inevitable that their thought process will justify or rationalize those thoughts. Approach this with care, and remember that as a writer, you have influence over your readers (whether intentionally or not), and you should prioritize the responsibility you have to avoid romanticizing suicide over the task of portraying it accurately. Some things simply hurt more than they help.

Generalizing Experiences

Mental illness is inconsistent. Some people display two or three symptoms that are easily recognized, but some experience symptoms most don’t even associate with those illnesses at all. For example, generalized anxiety disorder can present in individuals with a more physically debilitating set of effects, rather than primarily manifesting in feelings of fear or unease. Yes, anxiety is the state of being anxious, but it can also be sensory overload, executive dysfunction, flu-like illness, and fatigue. Every mental illness is unique to the individual who struggles with it, so be aware that your characters should be representing that reality as well.

Ignoring Coping Mechanisms

Most people who have a mental illness that has progressed to the point of seeking a diagnosis and perhaps treatment have established various levels of coping mechanisms. These can be things like substance abuse or self harm, but they can also be more subtle, like hyper-fixation on media they like or excessive reliance on friends or family. If you’re going to write a character with a mental illness, you should know what they have to do to get through the day. What exercises have they adopted to adapt to their situation? What effect have these mechanisms had on their lifestyle and relationships?

Illnesses Having No Effect On Relationships

Mental illness, especially after having struggled with them for a long period, affects who we are, how we behave and interact, and changes our priorities and thought process. It’s inevitable that it will impact our relationships with other people. In order to accurately depict this experience, you have to also know the characters on the other side, who are maintaining a relationship with your neurodivergent character. What are their thoughts on mental health? How well do they understand what your character is experiencing? Are they more likely to want to be there for or distance themselves from the character because of their mental illness? Strain on relationships can be a very distinct part of a neurodivergent person’s experience with mental illness, and it’s important to represent that. The stigma is still very real and shows up regularly, even in little ways, and in a more accommodating world.

Extreme Cases Only

Some people experience mental illness on a chronic level, others do not. There’s Seasonal Affective Disorder, which tends to only present symptoms in certain periods of the year for various reasons, for example. It could be classified as a “less severe” form of depression, and it’s very common. Not all depression is the same, and it doesn’t always result in severe cases of suicidal ideation or self harm. If you only depict characters in the most extreme cases, who experience their symptoms at the highest level at all times, you may be reinforcing stereotypes about neurodivergence that have taken decades to dismantle. Not everyone with mental illness has an extreme case, and pretending they do can reinforce the idea that all neurodivergent people are “crazy”.

Good Days vs. Bad Days

Neurodivergent individuals usually experience their symptoms on a wide spectrum of severity. There are good and bad days, and everything in between. Sure, some days, one may experience virtually no symptoms and be very happy and productive, and be totally unable to maintain their composure on others. However, the majority of the time is occupied by a middle ground. Days where a person isn’t constantly on the verge of a panic attack, but they struggle to accomplish their typical agenda, and they feel a variety of symptoms at noticeable, but more manageable level. Symptoms can also intensify steadily and endure for variable periods of time.

Curing Mental Illness With Romance

Let me say this clearly, and insist you don’t argue: mental illness cannot be cured by a relationship. I admit that new relationships or positive attention can offset symptoms, but if a character’s mental illness (such as depression or anxiety) miraculously resolves because a new partner comes into their life, they either weren’t mentally ill in the first place, or you have misunderstood mental illness. There can be months or even years where someone can go without experiencing their symptoms at a noticeable level, but they will always be neurodivergent, and a new partner isn’t going to change that. That portrayal minimizes the experience of mental illness and trivializes symptoms people suffer with every single day. Do not do this. Please. Just don’t. You can say your character has prolonged period of sadness, but you cannot slap the word “depression” on them, then have all their symptoms disappear because they’ve got a hot date.

Not Every Illness Is Caused By Trauma

This is simply a point of knowledge more writers should have a grasp of. Mental illness can be caused by genetics, chemical imbalances, deficiencies, severe and prolonged stress, longterm health conditions, social isolation or loneliness, etc. It’s natural that in a fictional story where mental illness may be an important aspect, that trauma is one of the more sensational causes to apply to your character, but if you have a cast with diverse experiences of neurodivergence, it’s unlikely that all of them will have a basis in trauma. Neurodivergence is not a one-size-fits-all.

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If you enjoy my blog and wish for it to continue being updated frequently and for me to continue putting my energy toward answering your questions, please consider Buying Me A Coffee, or pledging your support on Patreon, where I offer early access and exclusive benefits for only $5/month.

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#writing #writeblr #writing advice #writing tips #writing resources #resources for writers #writing reference #writing help #writespo #writing inspiration #writing motivation #inspiration #motivation #TW suicide #TW mental illness #TW self harm #TW substance abuse #general content warning

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horriblyunprepared · 4 years

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ED MYTHBUSTING

Eating disorders are NOT contagious! Stop treating them like they are. It’s a mental illness, just like any other...not contagious!

Thin celebrities aren’t The Reason™️ people have eating disorders, although the way thin bodies are presented may cause or contribute to feelings of insecurity or shame about food and the body.

The invention of size 0 and 00 are not The Cause™️ of eating disorders—and they aren’t unrealistic sizes, some people are just small and need those sizes.

That whole idea that we look in the mirror and see a big fat person when we actually look like skeletons?? It’s just not universal, and it’s strange to assume that it would be. I’m sure some people do have that experience, but it’s not universal. My eyes are fine, I can see my body just fine, it’s about feelings—not about what my body actually looks like.

Not everyone with an ED is super skeletal skinny, or white, or female, or able-bodied, or teenaged. Just like everyone else, we come in all shapes, sizes, colors, ages, etc. We aren’t all skeletal, white, teenage girls 🤷🏽‍♀️

For some reason, in all the fiction I’ve seen about EDs, the girl with the ED has divorced parents with whom she has a rocky relationship? Dysfunctional family situations are a big risk factor and can contribute to stress and disordered eating. But everyone has different experiences and, needless to say (I hope) some of us have good relationships with our parents, some of us have parents who aren’t divorced, etc etc. This one feels particularly harmful though, because it kind of implies that it’s the parents’ fault that their child has an eating disorder because they got divorced.... And divorced doesn’t always mean bad! *EDIT* Divorce can also be very good, as it ends marital conflict that can be traumatic to children and can remove children from a toxic and abusive situation. Unfortunately, this doesn’t erase the trauma that happened before the divorce and doesn’t mean that the divorce itself won’t be traumatic either. Children need love, care, and stability—which they can adequately receive from divorced parents, if no abuse is involved, but sometimes this isn’t provided and the trauma can manifest as an eating disorder.

People with anorexia DO actually eat. Sometimes, we even eat normal, balanced, sufficient meals. Which leads me to...

Not all days are bad days, at least not for everyone. I have an eating disorder, but some days I feel totally fine and normal. Just like any other mental illness...it’s not constant uninterrupted anguish.

“Diet culture” is not The Cause™️ of eating disorders, but it may contribute to feelings of shame about food and the body.

Eating disorders are “about” a person’s relationship with food and their body...but they aren’t really ABOUT a persons relationship with food and their body. For some people, it’s about control, or shame, or gender dysphoria, or fear of adulthood, or purity. For some people it’s about a fear of abandonment, fearing that people will leave you and not take care of you unless you’re sick.

Not everyone with EDs hides their body under baggy clothes! Not all of us feel the need or want to cover up.

Like all mental disorders, EATING DISORDERS ARE NOT A LIFESTYLE CHOICE. They’re complex mental disorders, trust me! No one just chooses to starve themselves, force themselves to vomit, eats until it hurts, or exercise till they pass out. These aren’t fun quirky lifestyle choices.

Not all of us “look sick,” you can be a normal weight and still have an ED. This goes back to #5. I’m olive toned and tan which makes my complexion look healthier than the skeletal, white, teen girl you’re expecting—that doesn’t mean I’m doing great.

Getting up to a healthy weight or “looking healthier/better” doesn’t mean someone in recovery is actually doing better. If they were in inpatient care, they likely HAD to gain weight to get out...this doesn’t mean the mental part of this MENTAL ILLNESS is cured.

On the other hand, being thin doesn’t mean someone, even someone with a history of EDs, isn’t doing okay. Again, and I cannot stress this enough, people with EDs come in all different shapes and sizes. Even if someone is “too thin” and in recovery, it doesn’t mean they’re faking, all bodies are different maybe this is normal for them, or maybe they arent at a normal weight for them but they’re really trying to gain weight and get better. Maybe they’ve broken the ED in their brain and are waiting for their body to follow—don’t invalidate their progress by commenting on their size.

Anorexia and Bulimia aren’t the only eating disorders! There’s orthorexia, diabulimia, binge eating disorder, OSFED, etc. No one is worse than another per se, everyone has different experiences, different severity, and no matter what ED someone has it is always deeply painful and everyone deserves help!

Not all eating disorders are connected to or caused by a single traumatic event or by any traumatic event at all. Everyone has different experiences, and some people are just predisposed to develop eating disorders...

If you haven’t guessed by now there is no single Cause™️ of eating disorders. People have different life experiences, different brains, different habits....

People with EDs are not an enemy to people in larger bodies, fat acceptance, body positivity, etc. That would be like saying that people with depression are an enemy to happiness and positivity, and I think we can all agree that that’s not the case. Body positivity is wonderful, and I’m sure there are far more people with EDs than you think who are strong advocates for body positivity or who want to be able to accept the body positive message but aren’t currently capable because of their disorder.

Having an eating disorder doesn’t mean that you just hate food, that you judge others for eating or what they eat, that you fat shame others, etc. I know a lot of people with EDs who LOVE food and are wonderful cooks. Some people with EDs may feel uncomfortable being around people who are eating, but not everyone feels that way. As with any insecurities, people sometimes project their body insecurities onto others—it’s not a great thing to happen, it’s not fun, but it is fairly normal and it doesn’t mean that someone with an ED is necessarily judging other’s food choices or body.

Treatment and recovery are different for everyone—and they should be different for everyone. It’s wrong and dangerous to administer the same treatment to every person with an ED. People with both Type 1 diabetes and an ED (usually, have been misusing insulin to lose weight) need vastly different care than someone with a different condition, and beyond that different people just need different care. No single thing works for everybody, it would be nice if that was the case though!

Please feel free to keep adding, it’s really important to bust these myths, stereotypes, and misconceptions. Just like everybody else, people with EDs are widely varied and diverse and it’s important that we recognize this to make it easier for people to recognize disordered eating and get help.

Feel free to comment on this post. Are there any ED myths I missed that really bug you? Am I wrong?? Let me know!

#ed recovery #ed #eating disorder #pro recovery #anorexia recovery #recovery #anorexia #mia #bulimia #anamia #bonespo #thinspo #not pro just using tags #pro ana #thigh gap #thin #skinny #rexie

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ebp-brain · 3 years

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the wolfstar fandom and the problem of gender policing

To begin with: some gay men are femme, and that’s okay. Some are not, and that’s also okay. When someone is telling you that only a certain gender presentation is allowed from a fictional character, that’s not activism or advocacy; that’s gender policing. Even if you’re a woman or nonbinary person writing about cis gay men, it’s still gender policing—you are allowed to explore the full range of gender and sexuality in your own life and art. It’s easy to be taken in by statements on Tumblr about How To Write Good Queer Representation, because we want to be good people, and we understand that the language we use and the stories we tell are important. But our desire to be good people can be manipulated until we don’t recognize that we are participating in harmful behavior, or that we are being impacted by bullying.

If you’re in the Wolfstar fandom and you’re feeling alienated, lonely, confused, hurt, or angry because of things you’ve been hearing about what Sirius’ gender presentation “should” look like: you are not alone. There has been a longstanding problem in this fandom (for at least two years as of early 2021) with some vocal, active, popular fan writers telling other people how they should depict Sirius’ and Remus’—especially Sirius’—relationship to gender and sexuality. Generally, they suggest that depicting gay men as femme or feminine is homophobic. In particular, they say that writing/drawing Sirius as femme, feminine, flamboyant, short, “whiny,” or a sub or bottom is Bad. The logic is that because there’s a stereotype about gay men being feminine, all depictions of feminine gay men are homophobic. Because these voices are so loud and have such intense, aggressive support, it is easy to feel that you are Bad if you disagree with them, or to think that you’re alone in your disagreement. You’re not.

It’s important to recognize that this group of people is engaging in bullying. Not “wank,” not “discourse,” not “drama”—bullying. When you see them targeting other people’s work, it may seem like a petty personal dispute, or on the other hand like a legitimate conversation about gender and sexuality; it is neither. These folks are friendly, welcoming, and supportive right up until the moment someone disagrees with them—and then they attack that person and demand an apology. Because they use the language of social justice, and because they’re only antagonistic to people who question them openly, it’s easy to think they’re courageously protecting vulnerable people and standing up for what’s Right. But they aren’t. They are using their own identities and feelings to dictate how everyone else should behave while disregarding other people’s identities and feelings.

They claim that Sirius shouldn’t be written as “stereotypically gay” (i.e. feminine) because it hurts gay men; they claim that they are fighting homophobia. What they are really doing is gender policing. Awhile back, they started off by saying “Sirius shouldn’t always be feminine or always bottom in all fic.” Sure, true enough. But then it became “Sirius should never be feminine and never bottom.” And then it became “Sirius should never be short and whiny” (because those are apparently feminine traits). And now it seems to be “no one should ever depict cis gay men as feminine.” Allegedly because that’s “stereotyping,” but in practice this idea shames femme gay men, nonbinary femme folks, and any trans men who can’t or don’t want to present as masculine. It is gender policing disguised with social justice language.

Here are some red flags to look out for in the Wolfstar fandom—phrases that signal that you might be reading something that’s participating in gender policing, even if it doesn’t seem like it on the surface. They include:

“short, whiny Sirius”;

“let Sirius top”

“stereotypical gay man” (in the context of men being written as femme, not in the context of like…shitty mass media representation from the 90s)

“let men be men”

“women writing m/m” used in a derogatory way

and a couple that seem totally innocuous, even good, but mean something different in this context, like:

“being gay shouldn’t be your whole personality”

“topping or bottoming shouldn’t be your whole personality”

I’ve heard quite a few people talk about their feelings of isolation, confusion, self-doubt, frustration, and shame as a result of the bullying that’s been happening over the past few years in this fandom. Lots of people have left Wolfstar or Tumblr because of it. The good news is that a lot of Wolfstar folks are still out there: much of the fandom is flourishing on Discord, on Ao3, and in private messages. You can find your people! They’re the ones who actually listen respectfully to what you say, don’t shame you for mistakes or disagreements, and practice kindness and care.

And please look out for yourself. Try to recognize when your feelings of shame or guilt are a result of coming into contact with bullying and manipulation. Try not to accidentally spread transphobic and effeminophobic (anti-feminine) ideas and language; really think through what a post is saying before liking or reblogging it. And if you’re feeling hurt by what’s been said about gender expression within this fandom, know that you have lots of support and solidarity. We’re still around—we’re still around, and we love all your gender-related headcanons: we love a burly bearded biker Sirius; we love a five-feet-in-socks Sirius with a tendency towards dramatic temper tantrums; we love Sirius in lipstick and Sirius in crop tops and Sirius in ripped jeans. We love power bottom Sirius and ace Sirius and dom Sirius in high heels and Sirius who doesn’t care about how he has sex as long as it’s with Remus. We love Sirius who thinks being a trans man is the most important part of who he is and Sirius who thinks being a trans man is simply a basic fact of life. We love your fics and art and posts that explore your own weird complicated messy queer relationship to gender and sexuality. Of course we do. <3

(Also: I’ve got Big Anxiety and may or may not respond to comments on this post. I definitely will not respond to comments purposely misrepresenting my argument. I feel no particular need to defend myself; everyone can decide for themselves whether they think what I say is valid, and if I’m silent in response to criticism it’s not because I can’t think of a solid response—it’s because I don’t think responding is going to help myself or anyone else have a better experience on Tumblr and in this fandom. I’ll try to answer genuine, in-good-faith questions if I have the wherewithal to do so, and if you want to just message me and chat or say hi or share headcanons, I’d love that!)

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