#possible (b)pd

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Smell Check [Easy: Failure]

MDZS Disco Elysium AU part 1 (part 2 - part 3)

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #disco elysium #MDZS Disco Elysium AU #So sad I didn't manage to get this comic out on the 15th (pd-mdzs's 8 month anniversary and DE's 4th year anniversary) but I'm here *now* #I have a very extensive and detailed MDZS Disco Elysium AU that I am Not Normal About. #I've seen a few other people point out the potential in a crossover (true) but they make the mistake in having it be set in 51! #A true crossover would take place closer to The Antecentennial Revolution! #Disco Elysium did not go that hard on its cool lore for people to only make surface level crossovers!!! #One day I'll write the fic or post my notes. I don't know who would read it but it tickles *my* brain and that's enough. #No spoilers for DE (here or in comments (please)) but please consider....Magpie Wei Wuxian B*) On his way to be an innocent. #I do think there is a good chance a chunk of the MDZS readership would enjoy DE but...it's also not a game I easily recommend #It's more of an experience you have to marinate over. It's dark in ways that are off putting to some people. #It makes you feel like a very bad person all the time. It gets extremely personal if you allow yourself to be honest in your answers #and it's also the game that saved my life. My life was truly forever changed after playing disco elysium. #If I recommend it to people it's a badge of the trust I have in you to appreciate something dear to me B'*) #If you decide to play: PLEASE go in as blind as possible. You will regret spoiling yourself. #edit: this is based on real disco elysium dialogue. HDB has many canon kinks but this is not one of them

[theokusgallery]

#if you had any hope nick could ever be redeemable here's your sign that that's just not gonna happen

Bold of you to assume we don't want to make him worse

LMAO that's the spirit

#ask #anon #arsenic #me too anon. me too #my unethical boy... #he hasn't killed anyone or anything in the storyline i have planned out which is a fucking miracle #...in all fairness it's just because i want him to have as much plausable deniability as possible #and yknow. murder makes him undeniably a. murderer #anything he does to sunny is something sunny technically agreed to. i want to keep that a theme #i don't know how to say this in a way that isn't horrible but- #i want people to be able to victim blame sunny in a way that sounds so reasonable they don't realize it's victim blaming. #toying with the idea that sunny is not /at all/ a perfect victim. i like it when you can question the morality of his actions #(instead of having it clear-cut that Nick Is Bad And Sunny Is The Poor Unwilling Victim™) #the perfect victim doesn't exist and i'm kind of tired of seeing that type of abusive relationship be so... black-and-white #most of what i've seen is so over the top and neatly separated into good and bad boxes it doesn't feel real. #in the real world no one's perfect. sunny sure as hell isn't. but while that would make him toxic to anyone who isn't Nick- #-it doesn't mean he's not a victim #(also we all know what happens to domestic abuse victims when they have a cluster b pd. the fuckin. victime-blaming festivals i've seen) #tw victim blaming #i talk so much in tags i have to add trigger warnings about them. i should really stop rambling #rant

[bpd-culture-is]

when you're not even sure that you HAVE bpd because the doctors said it's likely but they haven't given a sure diagnosis, but you've been manic for two weeks and can't tell what's real or fake anymore because everything seems like a bad dream, and that you've just been locked and rotting away.

and then the doctors take everything away including your phone so you can't talk to your fp.

(this is happening rn)

.

#bpd #cluster b #bpd culture is #borderline pd #borderline #actually borderline #id try and get other doctors opinions if at all possible!! #sometimes they dont diagnose you with it because of their own preconceived notions #of how it 'shows up' in people or what it looks like

[wtfcl0ud]

and then god said you will have only the most subjective (meaning there is no or little way to actually prove it through like a blood test or smth) physical and mental conditions and symptoms

#possible ibs #possible focal aware seizures #possible pmdd #anxiety #eh dont really think i classify for panic disorder but i've had my share of panic attacks #possible (b)pd #oh wait no he gave me asthma they diagnosed that one for sure eheheheheheheh ! #im not saying subjective means they're not true #i just means it's hard to prove to others be it medical professionals or not that it is true yk #sigh #oh yh then the possible dp/dr #ooh tinnitus!!! #i mean again u can kinda prove tht one but it's not like oh super easy to do #telling someone yo my ear is ringing but only i can hear it is 'subjective' yk #double sigh #cloud nonsense #oh does the ed count as subjective hmm no i guess not i mean in the past it wasnt #now it more is but now it's more disordered eating than ed so eh

[gloriousmonsters]

when technically you and other fans agree on a character's mental health in general premise but they only ever get written with the more sympathetic traits of whatever diagnosis... not hate and hell but like. mild dislike and faintly irritating purgatory on the planet earth

#vic talks #there's also the thing of 'I decided this character has x mental illness so i'm going to write them like they're undertaking a personal #challenge to carefully check off the symptoms in the dsm' #which isn't the same but is also irritating as hell wait no purgatory #BONUS ROUND when a character actually gets diagnosed in fic and the author clearly read a psychology today article and took it as gospel #there's a fic where a character gets diagnosed w/ASPD #(which was so stupid i looked up the dsm to confirm that yeah even if you go off the dsm He Does Not Fucking Have That PD) #and they're like. going 'it's so hard to live with a sociopath you two should get counseling too :(' to his besties #WHO ARE BOTH MURDERERS... WITH GLARING UNLOVELY TRAUMA ISSUES... #and assigned-aspd-bc-he-likes-to-fight boy is literally like. the Cute/Annoying Little Brother of the group #this is possibly the silliest time to apply your 'surviving a cluster b loved one oh god it's so horrible' bullshit #that you found by reading an article entitled 'can a sociopath improve through therapy?' or smth #anyway. this has been bitchin' and complainin' hour with vic i'll see you next week

[arotrixic-disaster]

The 'narcissistic abuse' tag is not only damaging to individuals who are already prof. DX'ed with NPD but also those questioning and in the process of getting a diagnosis.

There are so many misconceptions about pwNPD & pwASPD and quite a bit of that comes from the stigmatization of both disorders.

#Personally I'm already prof dx'ed with multiple disorders #and had one say there might've been a possibility of a cluster B disorder #but I got cut off from my psychiatrist after turning 18 so I can't go back until I get insurance #narcissistic personality disorder #cluster b #cluster b disorder #cluster b pd #npd #narcissistic abuse tw #narcissistic abuse cw #narcissistic abuse #narcissism

[traces-to-nowhere]

A weird thing I’ve noticed lately is that I don’t really get excited about things anymore? I can probably point to the highly concentrated fear and isolation and grief of the past 2+ years as the culprit for any lost joy. But it’s still annoying. I’m annoyed at myself for only being able to manage mild to moderate interest in things and events when I used to get absolutely feral when I had something I was especially looking forward to. Now I’m at the point where I’m cancelling plans to do things I would have been literally over the moon about pre-pandemic because I’m just not excited enough. 

#exhibit a: punchdrunk's new show - the burnt city #i cancelled my trip this summer to see it because... meh #which is inSANE #a few years ago i would have been rabid with excitement about an actual new pd show #initially when it was first announced i was into it #but as time went on the spark just isn't there #exhibit b: traveling to see neubauten live #i've been *this close* to canceling for months #i don't know if the opportunity to see them perform outweighs all the stress and anxiety of travel #let alone the possibility of contracting covid before returning home #i'm less concerned about getting sick than about the logistics and cost #idk i guess this is how i live now #whoopsie i forgot to tag this as #personal

[deepmochi]

Lilith in the 4th house 💎

Lilith in Cancer can also read it, or Lilith-moon aspects.

⚠️ Read: Mention of cheating, family dynamic and mothers!

What to learn: Emotions make you stronger, you are worthy of real love, and your family shouldn't define you.

What to avoid: Having victim mentality, blame others for your wrongdoings, and over nurturing tendencies with others.

Some celebrities: Alexa Demie, John Travolta, Donald Trump, Ozzy Osbourne, Shia Labeouf, Justin Bieber, Cameron Díaz, Brook Shields, Kristen Dunst, Margot Robbie, William Shakespeare (apparently) Cary Grant, Orlando Bloom, Jennifer Garner, and Jessica Alba.

🕯Issues with femininity and the idea of being a woman. In men, issues with being nurtured by a woman.

🕯Undeveloped Lilith attracts overprotective (toxic) people and manipulators.

🕯 They could cheat with people who are married just for the sake of feeling better (if bad aspected).

🕯 Other women admire or like them, but men like them more (male gaze).

🕯The mother could compete with them for certain reasons. These creates issues with female peers.

🕯 Can easily became a mother even thought they don't want it. Pregnancy scares could be a thing. Use protection please.

🕯They're very private about their roots and family. They will avoid posting pictures on their social networks.

🕯 Motherhood troubles them; they can come to a term if they do it willingly.

🕯 Mothers are sacred to them, but mother was also their worst nightmare. Mother was harsh and cold at times.

🕯 Emotions are not easy to read for them; sometimes, they might ignore them, creating chaos.

🕯 They prefer long-term relationships even if it is toxic. They might follow the family pattern. The must work on it.

🕯 Father was an absent figure; mother has both roles combined. They can imitate this too if bad aspected, especially men.

🕯Emotional manipulator: they can use people's feelings to their pleasure.

🕯 They use their body and feminine energy to lurk others in. "Why you feel like that?.... tell me"

🕯Undeveloped Lilith is the friend who cheats with you bf/crush and makes her innocent face..."I didn't knew you were together" (pd: she knew).

🕯 People can see them as innocent or someone who need protection.

🕯Disconnection with the body and their feminine energy, especially when something traumatic happens at home.

🕯Women has difficult relationships with mothers or mother figure during childhood. Mother was very demanding.

🕯Here, Lilith doesn't want to be consider only a "woman"; they want more than that.

🕯However, this Lilith can be highly sexualised due to their feminine energy. Men can use them as ego boost for the immature masculine energy.

🕯 Men with this placements can have big issues with their emotions. They may ignore their pain and feminine energy, producing cheating or violence outburst.

🕯Both (women and men) can be moody when they're "hurt", and use these emotions as weapons.

🕯The mother could have hurt them or used for her benefit. She may sold them metaphorically to society, or they didn't shield them when they need to.

🕯Prone to follow traumas from their childhood. If they denied their mother issues, they may repeat their pattern.

🕯 As a mother, they are afraid to be like their mother. It's highly possible that this native sees motherhood as complex. However, they are call to cut the ties with the past.

🕯 The best partner is someone who nuturues them, but this person is destructive for their home if wounded. So, they may run away from "commitment" or commit too quickly to toxic people.

🕯 Society pressures them to be a woman. To follow a certain path, they have to deal with the Madonna-whore complex.

🕯 When they are younger, they tend to be sexualized. When older, people "miss" their old self aka beauty. Here, the native must value herself in very stage. She isn't missing anything. She is worthy in every stage.

🕯 They were sexualised very young, unfortunately. Even use as profitable object, look at Justin Bieber, Brook Shield and Shia Labeouf. They were introduced very young to Hollywood.

🕯Deep down, many of them want the home and family they couldn't have. However, they must understand that marriage is more that a social contract. It's a healing process for them. Love goes a deep as they let it.

🕯 Some may have weird family dynamics, which lead to traumas.

🕯 They will very private with their families, partners and lovers. Overprotective tendencies.

🕯Like to follow traditional roles such as, marriage, couple titles (ex: bf or gf), or/ and traditional families. Also, they make like to damage them.

🕯 They can be seen as a perfect parent or as a lacking one. Society is the one that decides (is not always true).

🕯Prefer to live far away from their family. It's safer for them.

🕯 It's very protective of their love ones, especially younger children and sisters/brothers.

🕯Their home is a very private area. They save it from really close people.

🕯They prefer to have small wedding or doing something rather private. If Lilith is immature, they will be a show.

🕯 Bad aspected Lilith would like to take your bf or husband from the sake of feeling loved. They're wining him over you because "they're better than you".

🕯Home could have an abusive dynamic.

🕯Young girls and boys are prone to date older men/ women due to mommy / daddy issues. With time, they realize that nobody can heal them, only themselves will do it.

Take care, loves!

Note: just take what resonates.💚

#lilith #lilith in the 4th house #lilith in cancer #astrology #astrologynotes #cancer #4th house #lilith series #deepmochi #zodiac #astrology community #scorpio #astrologia

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

i love your hua cheng design so dearly

YES! YES! TRUE TO SIZE!!!

#fanart #hua cheng #xie lian #THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS OMGGGGGGG B''*) #Your work is always such a delight to see and I feel very honoured #You are more than the Average Hua Cheng Fan. You are THE hua cheng fan #i have been wanting to draw the ‘real’ mxtx characters next to the pd-mdzs creature caricatures for *ages* #so I am delighted to see this more than I could possible put into words. #I cannot get over the expressions in your comic. My GOD #HC's expression in the first panel has so many layers to it. Chef's kiss #And SO TRUE Xie Lian would be so delighted at tiny Hua Cheng. Meanwhile. The Hua Chengs would Compete #Bug HC is like a cockroach though. Nigh Indestructible. All angles. #I played around with the idea that the tiny version of HC *was* the same HC but then I realized he would Not Abandon Xie Lian Prime. #I don't know how HC would react towards a little XL. With kindness I suspect. #I had a reverse doodle but.... I'm not sure enough to post it. #Anyways. I like to think that the little HC and XL live in their walls like borrowers. #aRGH that should have been my doodle. NEXT TIME.

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

blog info

- always remember to start off your ask with some variation of "npd culture is..." ("npd system culture is..." "npd + bpd culture is..." ect ect).

- people who don't have npd but do have npd traits are welcome to send in submissions.

- this blog is run by one mod and isn't looking for others.

- i open this blog to be a place where egotypicals can learn about the experiences of pwnpd, but urge them to remember this blog will be mostly unfiltered and show the more unpleasant side of mental illness and trauma. if you cannot respect or handle that, leave.

- if you'd like to claim a sign off, refer to this post.

- the queue can be long, it may take some time to get to your submission. please be patient with me. i also reserve the right to not post certain things for whatever reason.

- there's also a polish version of this blog: @bycie-narcyzem-to. i don't run that blog. it's been inactive for some time as well.

byf

-this blog doesn't have a set dni anymore (other than basic criteria, anti-pd, and [pd] abuse believers), but i will block freely.

- i do not want to hear about your abusive relatives with npd, even if you put "but i don't think all pwnpd are abusive!" after it.

- please don't ask me for advice. i'm fine with people asking questions about npd itself, but i may not always answer. keep in mind i'm not a professional, i'm not the end all of information on npd, and it is entirely possible for me to accidentally spread misinformation. if you sent a question that never got answered it's likely i just didn't feel equipped to answer it myself.

-i don't relate to, agree with, or condone the actions of every single submission i post.

notable tags

- info

- resources

- admin lore

- media ; for character who have npd or npd headcanons

- song reccs ; for songs about npd or have npd vibes

- point and laugh at the ableist ; for any hate i decide to respond to, block if you'd like to avoid that

- ableist creators ; for creators who are anti-npd or use stigmatizing language (this is not inherently to "cancel" anyone, i simply believe pwnpd deserve to be warned ahead of time if a creator uses ableist language.)

- supportive creators ; for creators who have explicitly spoken out against anti-npd ableism and shown genuine support for people with npd (people who simply have never spoken on the topic typically do not fall under this tag as there's no way to tell their actual stance)

about the admin [@doomsdayradio]

- collectively go by poker, chorus, and fate

- genderqueer aroacespec mspec lesbian, they/he

- complex did system

- cluster a, b, + c

- audhd, dyscalculia, madd

- white and ethnically jewish

- we also run @polyfragcultureis and @hpdcultureis

frequent fronters

- 🧋 | they/it/mint/nova | primary host, hpd + npd symptoms holder

- 📻 | he/him | secondary host, persecutor, bpd symptoms holder

- 🌃 | he/it | co-host, soother

- 🎶 | coffin/thou/they/she | co-host, homicidal thoughts holder

#not culture #pinned post #info #resources #admin lore #media #song reccs #point and laugh at the ableist #ableist creators #ask game #mine

[the-npd-culture-is]

Updated 18/02/24

this blog is run by someone who has self dx as npd (narcissistic personality disorder) and bpd (borderline personality disorder).

why i made this blog. do not ever ask me about it again.

i will be the only admin here, but if that changes other people will sign the posts as well.

this blog runs on one post per day queue for the moment.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

DNI :

|| sysmeds, anti/neutral tulpa, anti/neutral endogenic || narc/-pd abuse believers || ableists || fake claimers ||

i block on sight

this is mainly a personal boundary, but the narc abuse believers part is both for my own protection and for the protection of every npd person or any other person interacting with this blog. i have tried to keep my DNI limited to allow people to have access to resources. as long as you're respectful you are welcome in this blog.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

asks currently open for submissions.

hate won't be answered and will be deleted.

discourse will be deleted.

vents are ok but will be tagged #vent and or #npd vent.

also, if you simply want to ask for compliments you can, but the rule is you have to give one back </3

additionally, this blog worked with a 3 posts per day queue system but I've now decided to switch it to 1 post per day because i'm taking some time offline. although stuff unrelated to npd culture or more urgent asks may be answered off queue.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Questions :

"can we follow if most of us express other cluster b disorders but we have one fairly active guy that we think aligns more with NPD than others?"

"can non-npd with npd traits send submissions?"

"can we ask for advice relating NPD on this blog?"

"is it possible to have NPD without trauma?"

"is it ok to follow your blog even thought i'm not sure if i actually have npd? </3"

"not culture but how do you feel about low empathy npd havers??"

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

main tags :

#mod talk

#reblogging

#op (original post)

#npd culture is

#not npd culture

#npd questions

#compliments

#npd playlist

#q (the queue)

trigger tags :

#tw ableism

#vent / #npd vent

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

taken anon tags :

#🦈 // #🐈‍⬛🔪 // #🩵🎭 // #👑🥀 // #⚜️ // #mayhem // #🌨️ // #🐌🪷 // #🕊️ // #🐍☀️ // #✨🥀✨ // #🐈 // #☦️💕 // #🦠💉 // #🦚 // #🦷🍄🩸 // #🌿✅ // #🪐🪽 // #pyre // #💙💊 //

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━��━━━━━━━━━

blinkies under the cut :

source : https://www.tumblr.com/silly-mantis-creations/733367112830255104/cluster-b-disorder-blinkies

#pinned post #intro post #npd #npd culture is #narcissistic personality disorder #npd safe

[lokisasylum]

WTF IS GOING ON AT HYBE???

[SPOTV News = Reporter Jang Jin-ri] A man in his 20s who impersonated members of the group BTS was sentenced to prison in the first trial.

On the 19th, Criminal Division 27 of the Seoul Central District Court (Judge Ham Hyeon-ji) sentenced Mr. A (29), who was indicted on charges of violating the Act on Promotion of Information and Communications Network Utilization and Information Protection, to one year in prison.

Mr. A is accused of approaching producer B as if he was Suga of BTS and receiving unreleased guide music from August to September 2022.

In November of the same year, it was discovered that he impersonated Mr. B and contacted Suga to collect album-related information and military service-related information related to the time of enlistment.

Mr. A is also accused of impersonating V and receiving more than 10 unreleased guide sound files from other producers.

The court said, “There was a possibility that the victims and the affected company would suffer significant financial and social damage due to Mr. A’s actions,” and “It appears that the victims who passed on undisclosed information suffered significant psychological damage.”

In particular, Mr. A has a history of being sentenced to prison in the past for crimes using the same and some similar methods, and he committed the same crime while being investigated and tried for the same crime, so the court judged that the crime was "not good."

Mr. A is said to have participated in the song production process of a famous idol group in the past. He filed an appeal against the first trial ruling.

▤■▤■▤■▤■▤■▤■▤■▤■▤■▤■▤■▤■▤■▤■▤■▤■▤■▤■▤■▤■▤■▤■▤■▤■

The real disturbing part here is that this is apparently NOT the first time this has happened.

According to a moot, this situation happened to Jhope in a previous time. And lets also not forget about that "lil27club" persona on X and Insta proclaiming to be a "BH Producer" that kept leaking "teasers" to songs in BTS' last 2 albums and even songs from members solo albums.

( EVERYONE knows what happened during Jimin's solo debut, so I won't go into it again because we've been at it for 10 months, but its THERE and the piss-poor management is STILL happening to his newer releases)

Or that scandal with that one "choreographer" who worked closely with Jungkook during 7, 3D ect. The guy turned out to be a con artist and managed to scam a hefty a mount of money not only out Hybe, but other choreographers as well.

And who knows how many more issues are brewing up behind closed doors that we don't know about and could potentially harm the members in the future. If after all this you still stand with the company and defend it? Then you're a lost cause and I will not hear your reasons, 'cause what more do you guys need to see that BH/Hybe have always been just like any other company?

Especially after hearing those documentaries and interviews where Bang PD openly admits to gaslighting and grooming the members (since trainee years) to work harder than they needed to or to question their fame at all times to create ridiculous expectations that if they didn't win Blah award they weren't good enough. Or if one member dared to surpass the others during solo debut they would disband the group? I DARE YOU to tell me after reading all that, that there isn't something fucked up going on with that company...

#There's a reason why investors are freaking out and abandoning ship ever since the Hiatus was announcement #bts #bts news #bangtan #bantansonyeondan #hybe corrupt #jimin #jk #jhope #rm #v #suga #jin

[disabledstraydogs]

my heart with the BIID …. <- has symptoms of it and it is NOT FUNNNN i love projecting onto my anime boys <3 anyways question which characters do you hc with cluster B personality disorders !!

I’ll start: Ranpo + Dazai with NPD and Poe with BPD

*Shakes your hand* Unsure if we have BIID because it's not that bad but I am sending you support, BIID is a bitch and you are so brave.

-

This is a loaded question and i hope youre ready for the consiquences of your actions:

ADA:

Atsushi: BPD

Kyouka: BPD (I know she legally can't be diagnosed but I think she'll develop more symptoms as she gets older)

Yosano: ASPD (doesn't make sense with canon but. Trust me)

Ranpo: NPD, HPD, BPD (these depend on what headcanoning mood I'm in- Most times we don't include the BPD but yeah)

Dazai: BPD, NPD, ASPD, HPD (I may as well just give him PD-NOS but I think it would be funnier if 4 speerate psychologists diagnosed him with all of them)

Port Mafia

Chuuya: BPD

Q: ASPD (I know they're 13 but trust me)

Higuchi: BPD

Akutagawa: BPD (imo he's one of the bpders ever)

Gin: BPD and HPD (but that could also be NPD)

Rimbaud: BPD + ASPD

Ace: ASPD

Kouyou: BPD

The Guild

Francis: NPD, BPD

Lucy: PD-NOS

Poe: BPD

The Rats in the House of the Dead:

Ivan: BPD and possibly HPD

Oguri: BPD

Decay of Angels:

Fyodor: BPD, NPD, ASPD (This changes sometimes)

Nikolai: BPD

Bram: ASPD (possibly? Unsure atm)

Sigma: NPD (controversial ik)

#if its not obvious i am not familiar with the guild hunting dogs or the rats #so i cant give too many opinions but. here #bsd #bungou stray dogs #disability headcanon #disabled stray dogs #cluster b headcanon #long post

[cluster-b-culture-is]

hey!!! if its ok i’d like you’re thoughts on something ig and to sorta ask you something

so im bodily 15 atm, and i have cptsd. when i look at posts regarding certain cluster b experiences (possibly some cluster c aswell) i relate a LOT (obviously im not saying that bc i relate that i have these disorders, i just kinda have a feeling that *something* is going on). its tricky bc i keep looking into things and i cant really find an answer. i also dont know if im too young and that its just because im a teenager.

i wont get into like what “symptoms” i experience rn bc i feel like thats a whole other conversation but yeah.

i hope i dont sound like one of those people that are like “i must have x bc i related to a silly video i saw” im just really confused and i feel like something aint right

i know you’re probably not professionals so feel free to delete or ignore this if its too much, but if not, what do you think?

So, here's the thing (and we will attempt to avoid being patronizing): It is absolutely correct that your age and emotional/psychological development can affect things, and that the process of development can cause things that look like mild symptoms. It's also correct that that combined with c-ptsd (and any other disorders you may have; you'd be surprised how many symptoms and comorbidities autism, ADHD, NPD, and BPD all share) can make it extremely hard to determine where your symptoms are coming from and whether there might be something more.

(You're also correct that we are not professionals; this is all coming from our own research and personal experiences, so as with everything, take this with a grain of salt.)

However. I would argue that it would be far more harmful to deny any possibility of having a personality disorder until you reach some arbitrary age threshold than it would be to say that you do have a PD. Especially if looking at your life experiences through the lens of having a PD is helpful, and if resources for pw/[x]PDs are helpful to you. Even if you don't end up having a PD, that doesn't mean you were just a hormonal stupid teenager refusing to listen to the Adults™ or whatever the fuck--it means that you looked at your experiences, found something that seemed similar, and it turned out that you were wrong; but hopefully, along the way, you found things that were helpful.

Under the assumption that you have done a lot of research, I would personally recommend saying that you have traits of a particular disorder as opposed to saying you have the full disorder, and that is to two ends: one, a lot of adults with PDs (especially in ASPD spaces, if that's one of the disorders you're looking at) will kick your shit to hell and back if you even insinuate that you think you may have the full disorder (which I think is extremely counterintuitive if we want teenagers to understand their experiences and, yknow, not develop a full-blown personality disorder, regardless of whether you think teenagers can have a full personality disorder); and two, it might help you target the specific symptoms that you're experiencing without saddling you with the belief[/knowledge] that you have an incredibly stigmatized and lifelong disorder.

A lot of this stuff depends on a few things: (A) what your symptoms are (and if they can be better explained by other things, especially other things you know you have); (B) how severe your symptoms are (like the difference between being generally grouchy versus being actively hostile); and (C) how long your symptoms have lasted (if they only started popping up in the past few months or the past year versus if you've had them for years and years).

If you end up not having a personality disorder, anon, I think it will still be better for you in the long run to explore the possibility instead of shrugging it off under the excuse that you're "too young". It could turn out that you never had the disorder and it really was something else, it could turn out that you have traits but not the full disorder, or, hell, it could turn out that, by using resources and support you found by being part of communities surrounding PDs, you ended up not developing the full PD (even if you may still have a few traits)--because, at this age, you are still developing, and you are changing a lot, and very little is set in stone when it comes to these types of things--and you should absolutely take advantage of that! And even then, speaking from a more selfish perspective, it will never be a bad thing for more people to understand what it may be like to have a personality disorder.

For a bit of actionable advice on determining whether or not you may have one, though:

(1) Do your research. Obviously it's great that you're getting information from people with the disorders themselves by looking at PD communities; however, not everything having to do with the disorder will be talked about, and quite honestly, Tumblr is a terrible place to find definitive information on the PDs. Life experience? Yes. Actual information looking at how the disorders work and what they can entail in full? Ehhh, not quite. Look at a variety of academic sources, but in the same vein, keep your wits about you--professionals aren't immune to ableism, and may often perpetuate it with glee. Some of it may be obvious, some of it might not be.

(2) Keep an eye on your symptoms--make a manual check against the actual criteria every once in a while (but keep in mind that the DSM is also deeply flawed and biased); @shitborderlinesdo has a ton of checklists based on the DSM and individual testimony that can help. We first started questioning ASPD when we were 14, and we'd do those kinds of manual checks once every several months or once a year or so. It both helps you understand what your symptoms are, and helps you keep track of how you're doing over time. Don't use online quizzes for this; quite honestly, they're not really good for anything except validation if you know you'll get a high score.

(3) Look at stuff other than personality disorders, too, and try to figure out why your interest skews towards specific disorders. For a long ass time, we believed we had StPD and did our absolute best to ignore any information to the contrary, because (due to our symptoms) if it wasn't StPD, the only thing it could be otherwise was schizophrenia, and we were scared shitless of the idea; at first because we were scared of the idea that our symptoms might've been so severe, but eventually because we were afraid to admit that we were wrong. (As I've said before, no shame in being wrong--do as I say, not as I do.)

Ultimately, I can't stop you from doing anything, and I can't force you to do anything either. I'm just a mentally ill guy with an internet connection. My life experiences have led me to this conclusion, and others may disagree with it--that's perfectly fine. Again, I am not a professional. You know yourself and your experiences the best, and I think by this point, you have enough understanding of yourself and the world to be able to figure out what'll be best for you and your health, given that you have the proper resources to do so. You are a being with life experience, even if it's less than others may have; you aren't a rock, and you aren't a three year old who still hasn't realized that touching the lit stove will equal a burned finger. I personally think that the way a lot of folks go about talking to and about teenagers who think they may have personality disorders is, frankly, infantilizing and invalidating, and it just ends up with traumatized and unsupported teenagers turning into traumatized and unsupported adults, with the added bonus of an extra helping of imposter syndrome to top it all off.

I hope you're doing well anon, and I hope you see this (sorry for responding so late lmao). Off into the world ye may go, hopefully with a bit more knowledge and idea of what to do next than you had before.

#not cluster b culture #Mod Reef #anonymous #unqueued #this got way longer than intended. oops

[seleswrites]

serena ira | Leon S. Kennedy/Reader | find on AO3

And on the seventh day, god brought your soulmate into a dying city, crawling with the monstrous undead. Damn your luck.

Fandom: Resident Evil 2 (remake)

Relationship: Leon/Reader

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 2,568

Tags: soulmate AU, canon divergence/not canon compliant, no Y/N, Leon A and Claire B (in my head they meet up before the final train scene), canon typical violence, lots of cursing, reader can be anyone but I tend to write queer afab reader-oc's.

Event: @lunarbuck's Soulmate AU writing challenge

Soulmate Prompt: "You and your soulmate have matching tattoos that become clear once you meet." (Added a bit of flavor so hope it's a good read still!)

Photo credits: Nicolas Ladino Silva (woman in shadow) and Trevor (city landscape) on Unsplash

A/N: Nothing like a new fandom to control the braincell. Please be kind, I just got into RE like two weeks ago lmao! I only know half of RE2:make, the RE4:make, and Lady D from Village.

An entire city overturned into a place of nightmares not even within a week. 

Familiar streets turned into dangerous traps filled with, what you could only describe as, the undead. You had no idea how you were going to survive. Hell, you had no idea you've survived this week. Damned Luck pitying you perhaps, for Her sick game. 

The Raccoon City PD was no longer a safe haven like the radio repeated, a turned labyrinth of monsters, and the group of people you escaped with (stupidly taking your chances outside, running out as quickly as you had run inside) and traveled with dwindled in number as many small hordes of once living and breathing people descended upon you all, multiple times. Until more people broke off on their own. Until more people became part of the living dead numbers. Until it was just you. Just you. Alone. 

Didn't anyone learn about the buddy system? 

And, somewhere in the middle of this all on the sixth or seventh day, your outer forearm inked with your soulmate mark -- a large raven feather that broke into smaller silhouettes of the same bird, flying off your skin if it could -- burned with the damned telling sign that you were close to that First Meeting. That they, whoever they are, were close. And very much alive. 

Great. In the middle of a zombie apocalypse and your soulmate had to arrive somewhere within this large ass city. That would be the cards dealt by Lady Luck. And your luck would pin either of you as dead before arrival. 

You couldn't curse your bad luck enough. On the verge of leaving, meager and stolen supplies packed up in a motorbike you've hidden in a secure space and a route planned out of the city, you hesitated. A settling sinking feeling sat in your stomach like a heavy stone. You can't leave your soulmate here to die. With a growl, you shoved your assorted pockets and bags with as much ammo, medical supplies, food and water as possible, finality lining every movement. 

Damn it! Damn them!

Following the burning pulse radiating in strength as you, hopefully, close the distance, you leave your own safety bubble to seek your soulmate out. Out in the rainy night in this dreary city. Bundled in the remains of a warm outfit. Whatever fucking idiot was roaming around here better be worth it. 

Hours of slow going, getting soaked to the bones, avoiding the hoards as they swarmed the PD station again as a loud siren and explosions echoed in the night air, your heart sank. 

You gotta be kidding me. 

That would be the most likely place in the city, wouldn't it? 

Damn your luck. 

(On any other day, you wouldn't curse your lack of luck to incur more of Lady Luck's wrath; even now, you're still alive thanks to the whimsies of Luck and the Fates. And firearm and survival lessons of your paranoid and militaristic step-fa-- your dad. For another countless time this week, you wished he was still alive so you could thank him for his hindsight for all his 'ridiculous' teachings. Still: fucking damn your luck--) 

Stop. 

Control your breathing, even as panic laced every inhale, every exhale. Focus on keeping quiet, on this warmer-colder game of tag with someone you don't even know, on keeping alive because what's the point if you die in process? 

Focus on the undead blocking your path to get back into the metal graveyard of the museum-turned-police-station before you. 

Aim at the back of its head.

Line up the shot. 

Inhale.

Steady.

Gotta thank the old man when you die a natural death of old age and see him in the afterlife. Or something like that, you thought, firing the shot. 

The creature shrieked a horrifying hiss as the bullet hit, like someone released air out of a balloon, a squeaky sound that you still internally wince, unused to it even after this week. It twisted and turned, head lulled back, and you ready-aimed-fired a quick second bullet before you could see its face. You didn't want another ghost of their human self to add into the mix of your dreams -- whenever you did find a safe space to sleep next. 

The body dropped to the wet ground in an awful slump. 

Exhale. 

White puff of cold air left your lips as you stared at the body for a second to see it unmoved. Quickly, you checked your surroundings for any other zombies; four more shots fired, three downed dead, three more bullets in your P220's mag. Another prayer casted towards the capricious Lady Luck: please, don't summon a licker.

An empty street was all that greeted you. Nothing attracted by the sound of bullets firing, nothing but an unnerving feeling that you were being watched, shivering beyond the coldness of the rainy night. A loud scraping sound kept you low to the ground, half bent over and nearly squatting, as you casted your eyes around, looking for signs of threats. 

No threats. Street still empty. Empty, except two survivors in the distance, exiting from the Station’s parking lot. 

From where the noise came from. 

On the other side of the sinkhole and its halted repair started before this week of hell. 

You managed to get yourself to the edge of it, avoiding two zombies eating flesh along the way, them happily and thankfully ignoring you as horrifying chewing and slurping sounds loudly scraped against your own gut. Managed just quick enough as the two strangers had their back to you, one working their way to get inside the gun store, its neon sign lighting highlighting the woman's silhouette with a fade glow of red. 

"Hey!" you wanted to scream, but the word stuck in your throat. It wouldn't do anyone good to scream here and attract monsters. Selfishly, you wanted someone to turn around, to see you in the distance, to wait for you-- As if you could be heard, the other silhouette turned, ever so slightly, enough for you to read the miniscule and faded letters of R.P.C. across his chest. 

The mark hiccuped in its heat, only fluttering coolness the brief moment you both saw each other. Your breath hitched in your throat. 

Him. It's him.

The door to the gun shop opened and, even from your spot across the way, you heard the woman call out to the cop, distance obscuring what she actually said however. She entered the shop without a backward glance. He hesitated, giving you a look you were too far away to read, before following in after his partner. 

You couldn't help but rub your fingers along the cooling shape of a feather on your arm, a silent prayer on your lips to the Fates or fucking Luck or whatever listening to give whatever goodwill you had and send it to him. Let him survive. 

And then you were alone again.

Let him be safe. Please. 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

A curse hissed out of your mouth, unwanted as a zombie bit at your not dominant arm, the one burning with the feather soulmate mark. The wound's deep enough where blood blossomed under your sleeves, but you yelped as you wrenched your arm free. Its teeth pulled away with your skin and shirt fabric in between its maw. It growled. You shoved the barrel of your pistol against its temple, firing. 

Blood and brains splattered onto your long sleeves, already soiled with sewage and dried gore. A loud groan left your lips, frustrated at your sloppiness over the fact you were bleeding. Contagion was the least of your worries; you'd been a zombie three times over during this week. But regular infection of an untreated wound? That could kill you. 

Your thoughts stilled as a chilling scream sucked in your breath. 

You should have expected the NEST to be filled with zombies, everywhere else in the city was. It's why you shared your ammo with Claire as she explored her portion of the NEST to unlock the antiviral needed to save Sherry; if anything, she had a better sense of survival than you, especially after the way she fought that terrifying eyeball monster of a once-human. 

What you didn't expect was the fucking licker crawling around on the ceiling. 

You should have.

A high pitched whine sent a chill down your spine, before its long claws scraped across the walls. 

Tensing, you covered your mouth and held your handgun in its direction, hoping that it didn't hear you. You didn't have enough rounds in the mag, hell in general if you had to fight it. Two shots left before reloading. Your pistol’s full eight wouldn't even be enough. 

Circle around it slowly as it seemed to sniff the air (and deluded yourself that it could not smell your disgusting stench of sewer and sweat clinging to you). 

Slowly, foot by foot.  

Freeze as it hissed again.

The door opened, creaking. Both the licker and you tilted towards it. One booted foot in, someone you know by the returning of the intense burning of your forearm in the shape of a raven's feather. 

Him. 

The licker posed to jump in his direction, like a cat ready to pounce on a mouse. 

Fuck you Lady Luck and her shitty timing.  

"Careful, licker!" you shouted. 

It whipped around towards you, its loud growling wheeze echoing in the room. Fucking shit-- 

The bastard howled as it lunged forward. 

Into your space. 

Duck -- too late. It jumped on your body, throwing you to the ground as its large claws hit your shoulders. You yelped from the impact. Happlessly, you fired your two shots into its large, brain-like head. The bullets hit, but not the weak spot. 

Another shot rang out in the room. Enough for the licker to hesitate sinking its teeth in your flesh. It erupted in flames as He came closer, holding a fucking flamethrower in his hand. It screamed. Its weight disappeared and you scrambled back on your hands and arms, pain shooting through them in the movement as blood, old and new, smeared along your palms. The smell of burning flesh, nothing like the sweet scent cooking but more ashen and decay, filled your nose, alongside the metallic under layer of blood, your blood. 

The screams died as the licker did, flames simmering down into nothingness alongside its charred and blackened skin. You forced yourself to sit up, groaning in pain. Everything hurt. Your back, your shoulders, your arms especially -- but you couldn't tell if that's because of how heavy you hit the ground or that damned fucking mark that threatened to burn your own arm off. 

He cursed, repeated fucks and shit expelling under breath as he made it to your side. "Here, you're okay, you're okay, I got you."

He pulled out some medical supplies from within his packs. A bottle of hydrogen peroxide. A roll of bandages. Without thinking, he reached for your bleeding arm. 

And the burning stopped, his touch instantly dropped your arm into a freezing chill as his eyes took in the teeth marks ripped in your skin, the bloodied feather and its tiny ravens, ink gradually running clear. You shivered and he did a double-take on you, hand shaking as if he too was dropped below zero. 

A moment paused into an eternity as you caught your breath. In the darkened room with broken flickering lights overhead, dark shadows chiseled his face in sharp angles, despite his youthful look. Stands of light golden blonde hair clung to his forehead, dirtied with grime and sweat. Blue eyes swept over your features, just as you did to him. 

Even in this mess, he was handsome, pretty even. Heat licked your cheeks as your mind wandered on how pretty would he be cleaned up…

"You’re the goddamn idiot,” you muttered under breath, face heating from embarrassment. Talk about a dramatic First Meeting. 

"What?" the stranger asked, strangely breathless. "Hey. Are you okay?"

His eyes widened, blues roaming between your arm and your face again. You didn't answer him, but you said a bit louder, "It’s you."

"It's…me." Words he repeated, but laced with a question. Like he didn’t realize who he was to you. Not until the remaining half an outline of the feather, barely just visible, disappeared entirely as he laid another glance on it.

Nothing. Like you were never marked at all. 

“Oh…”

He knew now.

"Yes, you! The kind of idiot that strolls into an infested city of the undead!" you said, words streaming from your lips in a hiss, holding back your scream as he no longer knelt frozen before you and worked to disinfect your wound. Unwanted tears pricked at the edge of your eyes; you lied that it was because of the sting of the disinfectant, not frustration nor relief to see him. "You were safe up until today!" 

And you could have been okay dying with that knowledge!

He tied the bandage tight, too tight, and you winced from the pain. “Sorry,” he apologized softly, even as his lips pressed into a thin line. “But I had my duty. I couldn’t leave the city without helping.”  

You slapped his hold on you away -- he let you go easily -- and forced yourself to your feet. He followed you quickly, arms reaching out to steady you as you swayed and stumbled onto your feet, sliding on gore and fluids, legs trembling in pain and useless adrenaline. His grip on your arms were tight, hands warm and comforting. 

"Right… Duty.” The word tasted like blood in your mouth. You’ve seen enough people die for the sake of duty; you’ve seen others die for less honorable reasons. Something hot burned down your grime-streaked cheeks. “And I was leaving. I was leaving," you confessed. “I couldn’t, not with you here. Guess we’re both the idiots here.”  

A faint chuckle, akin to puffs of air more than anything, left his lips. Slowly, as if you were a spooked cat, his hands found your cheeks, thumbs running comforting wipes along the trails left by your tears. You tried not to lean into his touch, craving that comfort from him selfishly.

"Thank you." It's soft, embarrassed even as his eyes gaze just a little out of your reach, and his cheeks tinted with pink. 

"Don't thank me yet,” you scoffed, “Now we can die together." 

Another laugh. "Fair enough. It's not safe out here." 

"Duh, Mr. Obvious.” 

But he smiled like nothing happened, a cheeky little grin that warms you even further. Oh shit, he's cute. "It's Kennedy, actually. Leon Kennedy," he said, introducing himself. 

You gave yours, rolling your eyes as he repeated it reverently. 

"We're going to get out of here alive. I swear it," Leon promised with such conviction you believed him. “Okay?” 

He waited until you nodded to release your cheeks, but not before his eyes lingered on your lips. As if you didn’t share the same thoughts. Later, later. 

Instead, Leon grabbed your gun from off the floor. Relief settled your limbs as your hands found the familiar metal of your handgun. Silently, you reloaded, as he did the same, hands reaching for his shotgun. 

Not dead yet, still a chance.

Taking a deep breath, you grinned at him as fake confidence steered your lips, "Alright then, pretty boy, lead the way. I got your back." 

"Pretty boy?"

#resident evil fanfiction #seles writes #leon kennedy x reader

[violentviolette]

okay so since ive been talking about it a lot and getting some questions, i think ive found a good way to breakdown how i think the cluster b pd's should be reclassified based on our current understanding of how they work

please excuse the worlds shittiest graphic i made this in 2 mins but i think it conveys the point

so, we start with abuse. abuse must happen and be present for any of the following to manifest. depending on the specifics of the abuse, like when and for how long ect, people will develop ptsd or c-ptsd

from there, i think c-ptsd can present in different ways, i think npd and hpd are two possible ways that occur when otherwise healthy nuerotypical brains experience prolonged specific abuse, this does have the potential to change how those brains function after the abuse as trauma itself can cause lifelong brain impairements, but those brains were healthy prior to the abuse and can potentially (though not guarenteed) become fully healthy again

in contrast, i think aspd and bpd are what happens when already nuerodiverse brains with unspecified neurodevelopmental differences experience prolonged trauma and abuse. for these, there is both a *prexisting* biological component and a trauma component. for aspd, these would be nuerodivergent brains that struggle with frontal lobe development, and for bpd these would be nuerodivergent brains that struggle with the brains chemical balance. these brains would have these struggles reguardless of trauma, but because of the exposure to prologed abuse, those struggles are exacerbated and a trauma disorder develops ontop of them

hopefully that makes sense and please feel free to ask questions or for clarification. also if u disagree thats completely valid, this is my own personal theory and not a widely accepted scienctific fact and therefore there is definitly room for improvement and deeper understanding and a changing of these thoughts with time

#jack.speaks #aspd #npd #bpd #hpd #cluster b pd #cluster b #cluster b personality disorder