#read another fic that i really wanted to draw for but it broke me so fucking bad i cant even think abt it

[gunstellations]

theyre looking at pictures of sumo

scene from:

#hankcon #inspired from an amazing fic #the gap in between #by molias on ao3 #i dont even often read aus but i randomly opened this and its gotten a hold of me by the fucking nutsack #its just a doodle but man!!! i have feelings abt them #i had an insane hyperfixation on dbh when it first released and its back in full force this week for some reason #ive been playing the game and reading non stop #read another fic that i really wanted to draw for but it broke me so fucking bad i cant even think abt it #if youve been in the fandom its probably familiar to you. the fucking. approximate distance one #anyway. heres hankcon for anyone still enjoying it in this year #if the author of the fic ever happens to find this #know that your fic is making me go insane. i havent even finished reading it yet so ive yet to drop a comment but god DAMN. #dbh #detroit become human #my art

[bellamybellamyblake]

Violet Eyes, Red

Pairing:

rhysand x reader (pretty sure it's gender neutral - there might be a "she" i missed while referring to you from the original draft bc second person pov is not how i write)

Summary:

you and your mate reunite after feyre defeats amarantha and this is the fallout of what the bitch did to him.

Warnings:

aftermath of SA - i can't really tell if it's graphic which tells me it is, loose description of a panic attack, PTSD, please let me know if I missed anything. guys, please, if these topics are triggering for you, don't read this fic. i am not responsible for your media consumption, but i also don't want to throw you headfirst into your trauma.

Word Count:

2,140

A/N:

literally broke my own damn heart with this one. rhys' trauma is so ignored and that needed to be rectified. rhys might be my second favorite bat boy, but he's still a lil baby who needs to be protected

The human girl had beaten her - the woman of his nightmares - once and for all. At the first moment he could, Rhysand winnowed. After fifty years, he knew there was only one place he could go. After all, it was the last Sunday of the month, and that Sunday was the day he and his mate reserved just for themselves. The High Lord and Lady would not conduct any business on that day.

You'd spend most of your day on the balcony. You'd serenade him with the piano. You'd fly around Velaris - creating patterns in the air. You'd cradle each other in your arms. He'd sketch out a new drawing - trying and failing, in his opinion, to encapsulate your true beauty.

One day, he broke that promise, that vow you had made, and went to what he thought was a simple trade meeting. That morning was the last day he saw you, and he still couldn't live with himself.

Those memories alone kept him breathing at times. When Amarantha stole his bed, his body, his hope.

Then the human girl showed up, and he tried to help her. Wanted to give her what she needed to beat the beast he didn't think he'd ever escape. But he had lost the will to pray for it. To the cauldron, to the Mother Above. Despite his pessimism, she persevered. The girl had won. And then he was free.

He was on the balcony before he could even think about it. After a quick glance around, he realized it was empty. At first, he felt a pulse of disappointment, but with the realization of how long it'd been, he breathed deeply. How could he expect you to keep up the tradition? Fifty years of solitude on those Sundays would have made him mad if your roles were reversed.

At the thought, he allowed himself to feel the mating bond. It had gone cold the moment he winnowed away all those years ago, but now it was as beautiful as he remembered. The pull of another person at the end of a tether, forever binding them in the purest forms of fate.

But he heard your thoughts, and he almost broke down in sobs at the sound of your voice in his head. Please come home, my love. I don't know how to do this anymore. Please. The last word, you were begging. Your inner voice, the one he had to get used to living without, was broken. Pleading for him to return - despite everything you'd probably heard.

And with that, he took action, winnowing to every room in the house so he would find you as soon as possible. He knew you were close; your scent wasn't stale. It was fresh, clinging to every piece of furniture you owned together.

It was the last room he checked, his office, where he found you. You sat in his desk chair; the leather more worn than he remembered. But the sight of you stopped him from rushing to you. Nursing a bottle of wine, you slouched on your elbows, hands in your hair, as more thoughts streamed through the bond.

I'm losing myself, Rhys. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I can't let myself believe you won't come back because that- that will ruin me. What she's doing to you, what she's making you do. I don't even know a fraction of it, but I can't stop it. I- I can't protect you. And I hate myself for it. 

He was watching you as you sent the words down the bond, the bond that had been desolate for half a century. You run your hands down your face, not looking up from your wine, the third of many you planned to drown in.

Just get through it. Please just- just survive. Do what you have to do to come home. I'll be here. I love you. My mate.

You'd only allowed yourself to talk to him once a month. Initially, you would try to send him something every day. Thoughts, images, songs you'd learned, prayers for him. You never heard anything back, and it slowly started eating away at you. It shattered your hope every time you didn't get a response.

You'd heard the rumors, Amarantha's whore, he'd been called. Every time you heard it, it ate away at you more and more. As if he would choose that - choose to warm the bed of another when you were waiting for him at home. You knew him better than that, and you winced at the thought. He wouldn't choose it, but would she force him? Was she that much of a monster? 

You had to shake that thought away for the thousandth time that night, downing the rest of the glass. As you reach for the bottle, nearly empty at that point, a hand wraps around your wrist. The touch is gentle but firm - stopping you from drinking more, but not rough enough to hurt. Instead of startling at it, the wine slows your instincts. You can only stare. The tattoos on the dorsal side interweave into vines under the sleeve. Vines you know, vines that you've held, vines that have and will continue to have free rein of your body.

Faster than you thought you were capable of, your eyes flew to its owner's eyes. Violet. The most ravishing violet. Violet you'd feared you were forgetting.

With a new urgency, you pulled yourself to your feet, your hands flying up to his face without thinking. One on his cheek, the other on his neck, pushing, pulling, grabbing, unsure if it was your mind playing tricks on you.

In your desperate touch, you missed the way he flinched.

His hands. Mother Above, his beautiful hands were on your neck too, placed at the sides. When your mind would play you for a fool, it would never let you touch him, let alone allow him to reach you. But there he was, and you could feel him. You tugged at the bond, finally noticing it was warm and delicate and sweet and serene and everything you wished you knew how to describe. 

He breathed your name, barely a whisper. "I'm home, my darling. I'm home."

"You're here." The words barely escaped you, and you couldn't stop the tears. He didn't hesitate a moment, pulling you in for a frustratingly rare and fierce embrace. You clung to each other for dear life, tighter and tighter and tighter, like he'd disappear if you let him go. Frankly, you weren't convinced he wouldn't. "You're really here."

You stood like that for a while, holding each other, when he ultimately pulled away first. "Rh-Rhys, don't go-"

"I'm not," he promised, his voice raw, kissing your forehead. He took in every inch of your face. "I just wanted to look at you. My mate."

Since Rhys had been freed by the human girl, nothing had been normal. Not that you expected it to be, but you didn't anticipate just how awful a recovery for him would be. He couldn't share your bed, and you didn't mean that in a sexual manner. He couldn't sleep with anyone else in his room - if he had even been sleeping at all. He could barely stand to be touched. You knew he wanted to be able to let you, but every time you seemed to blink, he would flinch.

You had suspicions about what went on under the mountain, but you had no idea it would be so evil.

He stood before a cabinet, staring blankly into it, lost in a memory - a memory he'd been refusing to share. You understood why, but something in you told you that you needed to see. Not just for curiosity's sake but to know how to help him. Even if it was past your pay grade.

"Rhys," You called quietly for the second time. You didn't want to touch him, shock him back to reality. The fear of that setting him off more held you back. With a harsh and sudden breath, he fearfully glanced at you and around the room, forgetting where he was for a moment. "You're at home, Rhys. You came home."

"I'm sorry," He rasped, ignoring your words. His hands pulled at his hair, and you were nervous he'd start ripping it out. He backed away from you, so far away he was caught by the wall. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Your own formed at the sight of his tears, but you couldn't conjure up what he'd have to apologize for. "It's okay, honey, you're safe. It's okay."

"I didn't- I didn't want it. I swear on my life, I didn't want to."

You shook your head, not understanding. But you knew asking what he was apologizing for was the wrong thing to do. You could see it, the shame, the regret, the blame. "I know you didn't."

He squeezed his eyes shut, buried his face in his hands, and sank to the floor. He kept murmuring apologies, pleading for your forgiveness. "I betrayed you, you have to- you have to leave me."

His words shocked you, and now you were the one that flinched. "Rhysand, look at me." He visibly shrunk at the command, pulling his hands away from his face. "As far as I'm concerned, anything that happened...there...is the furthest thing from your fault. I know there are things you can't tell me, and that's okay. I'll be here when you're ready-"

"I can't!" He bellowed. "You'll never forgive-"

"Show me the memory." You demanded, your voice quiet but assertive. But you wouldn't push too hard if he was adamant about keeping you out. You knew. You knew. Based on the way he had been acting, what had happened. But you also knew he needed to show you. So someone, fucking someone, would tell him it was out of his control. He couldn't govern everything, even if he was the High Lord of the Night Court. The words hurt as they left your lips. "Because I can promise you that I will."

You weren't a daemati, but you could see him battling with himself. Debating, if showing you what really happened, would bury him deeper under the surface or pull him back up for air.

Eventually, he released a rare sob and a barely audible "Okay."

He showed you the first time, how he just laid there like a statue as her hands took everything for herself. Then, the fifth time, when she started demanding he respond, pretend he wanted it. Then, the eleventh time, when his body started reacting. Then, by the next time, he had stopped keeping count.

He showed you, whether he meant to or not, how he prayed for it to end, prayed for someone to rescue him.

How he had been praying for you.

With the confirmation of your theory, you squeezed your eyes shut, trying and failing to hold back the tears. The angry tears, wishing you could've been the one to rip her throat out. Tears that enraged you because that was not Tamlin's kill. Furious tears because that wasn't even your kill. Devastating tears because your mate not only had to play a character for so long, but he had to endure being called her whore. Like he had any fucking say. 

Overwhelming tears because your mate was in pain and there was shit all you could do about it.

"Can I touch you?" The question shocks him, but he nods without thinking, confused at the request. You slowly lift your hands to his cheeks, brushing away his tears with your thumbs. "There is nothing for me to forgive you for. I know you didn't want to do any of it."

"But I-"

"Bodies respond to stimulation whether it's wanted or not. It's how we work." You explained slowly and carefully, keeping direct eye contact. "You forget, sweetheart. I can hear your thoughts when you show me a memory."

"I've-" His voice caught, putting his hands on your wrists, rubbing them up and down your arms until they got hot. "I've been so scared. That it's still happening. That all of this is going to go away, that she's not really gone, that I'm not really here, and this is just another tactic-"

You shake your head, finally pulling yourself together to say what you've wanted to say for weeks. "I swear on my life that I will never let anyone hurt you like that again. I will spend eternity protecting you from her and anyone like her. And if you forget that this is real, just ask me. I'll tell you."

His eyes darted between yours, furiously blinking. Violet eyes, red. Pleading craving begging praying.

"Is it?"

#acotar #acotar x reader #rhysand acotar #rhys acotar #rhysand x reader #rhys x reader #rhysand x you #rhysand x y/n #acomaf #acowar #acofas #rhysand #acotar fanfiction #acotar series #acotar fandom #a court of thorns and roses #sarah j maas #acotar angst #tw: sa #tw: sa mention

[starcrossedreaders]

Your Late Night Ramen was so cute! I was wondering if you do angst? Like either Leon’s Girlfriend or Leon himself is extremely injured or on deaths door type of angst??

And if you do something with this is it alright if I draw a scene??

Please and thank you💖💖💖

Authors Note: I have never written angst before so hopefully you enjoy it. Please Please Please draw anything from my fics, you have full creative freedom! If you do draw a scene from this one please tag me in it. Enjoy <3 P.S This fic is very inspired by the song I Really Want to Stay at Your House by Rosa Walton.

Warnings: Mentions of Leon dying, arguments, crying, mentions of surgery

Pacing your living room was not how you planned to spend your Saturday night. Your partner of 3 years was finally coming home from his 4-day mission in Spain. You and Leon had been through many tribulations together, thick and thin, but this last argument felt like it would be your last. And of course, it had happened the night he left for his mission.

"So I'm just supposed to spend another two weeks reading in between your lines? Leon, I miss you all the time!"

"You're not listening to me Y/N! I can't disclose that type of information to you!" All you could see was red, as your ears burned and your hands shook.

Pointing at Leon you rose your voice, "No NO, I don't think you're listening to ME, Leon! All I want to know is if you'll be safe and make it home in one piece," You and Leon had met during the nightmare of Raccoon City. You had been holding off your own in the police station trying to help the injured officers when Leon came barreling in.

After it, Leon offered to take you out to dinner, which is where things really hit off for your guys. Sitting in his car the clock just hit 11:30 and you were figuring out what to do next.

"So, what do you wanna do?" Leon lolled his head to the side to look at you.

"Hm, There's a party soon, do you wanna go?"

"Sounds good to me," Leon had put the car in gear and followed your shitty directions to the house party your friend was throwing.

A few drinks later you guys had ended up on an isolated back road in the back of Leon's car with you on top of him. A few lazy kisses had led to frantic thrusts.

"Ngh fuck," His hips slammed into yours one last time as he planted his hot seed in the condom he had on. The car windows were fogged up and heavy panting could be heard throughout the car.

A heartbeat later you placed your hand on Leon's jaw, "I don't want to go, Leon," a light blush dusted your cheeks as he slowly pulled out, groaning at the sensation.

"Fuck, then what do you want to do?"

"I really want to stay at your house."

That blissful night was on repeat during your latest argument, "Do you know how much you broke me apart? I'm done with you, I'm ignoring you. I don't want to know," You slapped your hands to the side of your thighs. You were quick to turn around and walk out of the apartment. The walls shook as you slammed the door.

This is how your fights tended to go, one of you says something that hurts the other and they walk out for the night. In the morning breakfast would be made and you guys would talk rationally and fix the problem.

The morning after the argument you had come home to an empty house with no signs of your lover. The events of last night replayed in your head, and you realized how much you truly fucked up.

The days leading up to you pacing your living home had been miserable. You had spent them in your shared bed replaying every memory you and Leon had made. Sure, your arguments really dragged you guys down but you had tried to focus on bettering yourselves.

The clock above the pantry had struck 1:00 am and your phone that was laying on the coffee table began to vibrate. Who would be calling you at this hour? Picking up your phone the caller ID was private but a verified number. Answering the phone you lifted it to your ear to hear a women's voice.

Tiredness laced her voice as she spoke to you, "Hello, I'm Dr.Smith calling from the DSO medical department, I apologize for such a late call but your name and number were listed on Leon S. Kennedy's emergency contact list, am I currently speaking to Y/N Y/L?" Your mind began to race 100 miles per hour at all the possibilities as to why Leon would be seeing a doctor so late.

You cleared the knot from your throat as you answered, "This is she. May I ask what happened,"

"Ah yes, unfortunately, while Leon was on his mission he encountered something that pushed him way past his limits. He had called for help, but by the time they got there, he was in critical condition. We had to put him in a medically induced coma. I was calling to speak about care options for him,"

No, no no no no. All of your nightmares were coming true and you didn't know how to process it. Of course, you guys had to separate on a bad note, you hadn't even told him you loved him. Gods, what if you never tell him again. What if you can never feel the bed dip when he silently joins you. What if you guys can never go on your Friday dinners at the diner downtown. What if you can never take goofy pictures with him to frame them around your shared home. What if you guys don't get married, or have kids, or- "Y/N? Are you still there?"

Anxiety barreled through your veins as your tried to steady your breaths. "Uh. yes yes, would it be possible for me to come there now to discuss this?"

"Yes, of course, I will warn the guards about your arrival and we can meet in the lobby,"

"Thank you so much, Dr. Smith, I'll see you soon." You have never raced to get your shoes on faster, let alone drive upward to 90 mph in a 45.

Your normal 25-minute commute was shortened to 10. You had basically parked your car in-between two lines. You couldn't care any less, so what you get a ticket, your boyfriend was knocking on deaths door.

You ran across the parking lot tripping up the sidewalk when you finally made it to the door. The guard on the night shift was scarily alert at the late hour.

"Ma'am you can't be here at this hour please leave," his voice was stern and fit his massive build very well. He was at least a foot taller than you with super broad shoulders and arms that could crush a watermelon with one hand.

You were still out of breath as you panted out a response, "W-what? Dr.Smith said she would w-warn you about me coming. Sir, it's very important,"

"Ma'am I'm only going to ask one more tim-"

Dr.Smith cracked the front door open and stuck half of her body out. "That's enough, she's with me,"

"Come on Y/N," She was stunning, and her blue eyes had bags under them that made it very obvious on her pale skin. Her blonde hair was in a messy bun that more or less looked like a huge knot on her head. That made you cringe when thinking about trying to undo it.

Walking through the lobby all you could do was drop your jaw, this building was huge, but so so pretty. When you made it to the middle of the lobby you could look up and see all of the floors make a huge spiral.

"This way Ms.L/N," Dr.Smith led you down a hall on the left, you guys took a few turns before you made it to the hospital wing. 4 turns later you guys had made it to the ICU unit. Leon's room was the first on the left side.

"He has been under for 2 days now so hopefully he will be up soon,"

"You mean to tell me that he has been here for 2 days are you guys just now informing of me of his condition?" All you could see was red, you could have been here sooner to get him back home sooner.

"It's...difficult to explain," All you could do was scoff as she opened to door to his room.

The world had gone still, all you could hear was the steady beat of the heart monitor. Many wires and IVs were connected to his body, all of them having a different purpose you had no idea what they did. His face was very pale. Rushing to his bed you had moved his ash blonde hair out of his face and cupped his cheek. His skin was clammy, or maybe it was your own hands, you didn't know. All you knew was that Leon was barely holding on.

"There's a lot of internal damage that we could undergo surgery for him, but his chance of survival is slim to none, or we can let it be, and he can peacefully pa-"

"NO! No, no... H-How? how much will it be?"

"Due to Leon's line of work it would be paid in full," The words floated to your ears but they didn't compute in your head. All you could think about it how you might never be able to tell him how sorry you are, how much you love him, how much you need him.

"I'll give you some time." Once you heard the door click shut your bottom lip began to quiver and your body shook. You pressed your forehead into Leon's arm and you let it all out.

"I-I'm so-so-sorry, Leon," You heaved in a breath of air but ended up choking on it.

"Ple-please don't leave me," A few minutes later you finally took a deep breath as your lifted your head up from his arm. You laughed a little as you wiped your tears away from Leon's arm.

"So, what do you wanna do, what's your point of view? Do you think you can handle the surgery?" Silence filled the room, it was like you were talking to yourself. You wish he would just wake up so he can help you make a decision.

"I'm sorry Leon, I wanted to get away. Just another way to feel what I didn't want myself to know and let myself go. I know, you didn't lose your self-control like I did. Let's start at the rainbow," You really hoped that he could hear what you had to say, hear that you wanted to start new with him, and fix the problems that we have yet to address.

Your hand slid into his cold, clammy hand and squeezed it. A light knock was heard on the thick door before it clicked open.

"So, have you made a decision? I'm not trying to rush you but the faster we get him into the operating room the better chance he has at surviving,"

Taking a deep breath in you squeezed his hand one more time before you turned to her. "We're going to try the surgery." Dr.Smith said a few things before she left the room.

The moment the door clicked shut you could feel slight pressure in the hand that was holding Leon's hand. You whipped your head towards it before you could feel the squeeze again.

Authors note: Part two maybe?!?!?! Sorry for taking so long to post this, the internal warn with this writing was so real but it's out and I hope you love it.

#leon kennedy re4 #re4 leon #leon x reader #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy re2 #leon kennedy fluff #leon kennedy imagine #leon kennedy x y/n #leon kennedy x you #leon s kennedy x fem!reader #leon s kennedy x reader #leon kennedy #resident evil leon #leon resident evil #leon kennedy angst #resident evil #resident evil x y/n #resident evil 2 #resident evil x reader #resident evil x you

[nekoashiii]

Sagau brainrot + headcanons

Genre: Crack and sagau, cultish behavior cause once again sagau

proofread <3

Alright so we read alot of fics where the characters such as archons are trying to break out of this game so they can meet their god, their creator face to face.

But why don't we add the part where EVERYONE gets together to break out of your device, including Tsaritsa and the fatuis.

For example, Dottore and albedo both team up to break out of their world, sure they aren't a fan of each other but they are willing to help another if they can meet you in person and serve you the way you want

Like kokomi, Raiden, pantalone, ayato, ningguang all financially helping albedo and Dottore with their experiments

But once they find out how, they will shatter the front screen of your device from inside and then proceed to walk into your world

Sure they are breaking the rules of existing but oh-

There you were, sitting on your couch with a...device..? Thing.. in your hand(a phone lmao)

Ok headcanons start from here:

When they see you sitting on your coach with a blanket over your body watching a screen, "wait woah that screen is moving" Qiqi said

"shhhh quite Qiqi" venti shushed her

"so, how are we going to introduce ourselves to our grace?" Yae Miko said

"as much as I am thrilled to meet our god, it's better if we let the electro archon go in first, creator might know her.." Kokomi added

"Absolutely not, she finds us better to handle, at least we didn't cause war and steal visions unlike someone." Arlecchino said

"what the hell did you just say you fatui scu-" Sara said while turning her whole body towards the harbinger

"woah now cut the attitude miss, creator won't be satisfied if we are acting like this. It's better if the fatuis go first." Pantalone replied,

"the kamisato clan is way more prepared and more mannered than the fatuis, we should go first" ayaka said

Uh oh looks like an argument is about to go down

Meanwhile:

As you were watching an anime with your headphones plugged in, you failed to notice the argument going on behind you

Some were even ready to draw their weapon out on eachother, like they didn't team up for the last 8 months of their life

But the shadows moving behind you didn't go unnoticed

Absolutely panicking thinking someone broke in the house you turn around to face. The...characters from the game you downloaded 4 days ago?

Realizing that you are watching they quickly drop to their knees and introduce themselves to you

"..Im sorry. What. Did the pharmacist accidentally gave me drugs i shouldn't have eaten or.."

Hearing this, some were absolutely frightened, thinking the pharmacist poisoned you or gave you the wrong drug, they surrounded you, Dottore and tighnari checking your pulse while albedo and sucrose were checking the vitamins that you take

Jean giving you a glass of water while the children were staring at your mobile, thinking it was the device that you use to watch over people since humans were displaying to move in it

Oh well, absolute chaos started, you better hope you don't get headaches from it

Y'all I really like this. I want to continue writing about this sooo, slide in some of your ideas in my Askbox 😈💅✨

#sagau #yandere genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin sagau #sagau yandere #sagau childe #sagau fatui #yandere cult genshin #yandere sagau #yandere pantalone #sagau modern #sagau sucrose #sagau albedo #sagau jean #sagau dottore #sagau x reader #sagau crack

[helladirections]

Under Summer Skies

(the long awaited Campfic)

a/n: As an alumni of 11 years of Jewish Summer Camp, this fic means more to me than anything else I have ever posted on here. I’ve been planning to write this for as long as I can remember, and working on it for at least 2 years. I hate editing and literally spent months editing. So if it’s terrible please do not tell me.

Author: @helladirections Pairing: Harry x YN Status: Complete Word Count: 37k

MASTERLIST | PATREON | USS TAG | WRITING TAG

Deleted Scene - Campout Extra 1: Lemon Over Ice

Summary: Harry and YN are longtime best friends back for another summer as the Dream Team on staff. Featuring getting called out by 12 year olds, two dumb best friends who can’t see what’s right in front of them, and lots of stargazing.

Preview:

“Listen to me YN. I’ll be here for everything you need. I can be everything for you. Let me be everything for you.” He took a deep breath, shifting his hand from her jaw to rest on her cheek instead. “I can tell that you’re lonely, but I’m literally right here. Let me be here for you. I just... I want you to be happy. Let me make you happy.”  “I’m so lucky to have a friend like you, Harry.” 

Read below or on AO3 or Wattpad

Pool time was, objectively, one of the most frustrating parts of the day for YN. 

Not because she didn’t like the pool or the kids were difficult - actually it was practically an hour off for most of the counselors because the campers were fenced in and watched closely by lifeguards. No, it was frustrating because she was constantly tempted by Harry’s body in a swimsuit, even though he rarely went swimming. 

He wore no shirt and a pair of swim trunks with a shorter seam than she deemed necessary, causing YN to be sometimes distracted by his honey golden skin, which only tanned more as the summer went on. His muscles looked like he could be a professional wrestler, but really he only ever used them for soft, welcoming hugs. His deep green eyes always made the person he was looking at feel like they were the most important person in the world. His chocolate brown curls were often disheveled in exactly the perfect way, the only real sign of exhaustion from a hard day’s work. 

There was no doubt in anyone’s mind, Harry was the cute counselor. Even before campers arrived and the staff was still in training, other counselors were falling all over him, just begging for a piece.

Even YN would be lying to say she wasn’t distracted by him at least a little. They were lying beneath the shade of an overhang during pool time; Harry preoccupied with drawing on the back of his clipboard and YN focused on a new, complex friendship bracelet pattern. His skin glowed in the sun, a littering of tattoos on display now that his shirt was off despite the fact that he had no intention of going swimming. And if YN looked close enough (which she definitely did not do) she could just see the light dusting of chest hair he had started to grow in the last few years. 

They were a reasonable distance away from the campers, taking advantage of this time to catch up with each other and only keep half an eye on the kids while they were contained and supervised by three lifeguards. They were gossiping about staffing changes among the higher-ups, a rumor that Mitch was hooking up with YN’s co-counselor Sarah, and that Harry’s co-counselor Niall had been hungover when he got back from his last day off. But mostly, they were sitting there together in relative silence. It was nice, and comfortable. 

Eventually, Harry broke the silence, snapping the cap back onto his sharpie and letting his clipboard rest on the ground next to him. 

He nudged YN’s feet with his own, outstretched as he rested back on his hands. “What are you doing for cabin time tonight?” 

“Not sure, why?” After two weeks, she had used up most of her easy evening cabin activities and hadn’t had a chance to start brainstorming new ones yet. 

“Thought it might be fun for me to come in. Do a little question time, see what’s on their minds.”

“Really, with kids this young?”

Harry turned to look towards the campers for a moment. Half of them were still enjoying the pool, the other half pretending they were too cool for it and sitting around the edges gossiping or playing cards. 

“Why not? Y’girls been staring at me for weeks now, must have somethin’ on their minds.” He gestured towards a group of five or six of her campers, sitting around in a circle whispering and looking over at them, quickly looking away and giggling when Harry waved to them. 

YN mulled it over. She had ten campers in her cabin, half of them eleven and half of them twelve. They would definitely be excited for anything involving Harry. 

“Alright,” she relented. “I mean, they do adore you.” 

“I’m staying in the cabin though,” she clarified. “I know a couple of mine wouldn’t want to be left alone.” 

He shrugged. “That’s fair. Y’little one always struck me as quite shy.” 

“Oh no,” she laughed. “She’s the most rambunctious of the bunch. Did I tell you what we caught her planning the other day?” 

As YN told him the story of the shenanigans her camper had gotten up to, she was reminded of when she and Harry were that age, getting up to similar mischief. Long before Harry was the cute counselor, he was a camper with a reputation, notorious for sneaking out at night to make out with whichever girl was brave enough to risk getting caught. YN, however, was never Harry’s kiss of the week. He never offered, so she never asked, and she buried her little crush in the back of her head to make room for a friendship instead. If he wasn’t busy locking lips with someone, he was still sneaking out, but with platonic intentions to watch the stars with YN. 

It was around age 16 or 17 that YN realized it was futile to have a crush on Harry. For one thing, she had too much competition and she could never really compare. And for another thing, having a crush meant being awkward and he just seemed so nice she would rather be able to have an actual conversation with him without trying to uncomfortably flirt (a skill she never truly mastered). That’s when they started eating meals together and sharing items from care packages and gossiping about their friends. It was when they discovered their special spot by the lake and they snuck out to go stargazing and not touch each other. Some of the other girls noticed that they were getting close, but no one ever thought it was anything more than a friendship. More than a few times, YN was asked to put in a good word with him for other girls, hoping that next time he snuck out it would be with them. And sometimes it was, but he had turned down makeout sessions on numerous occasions to stargaze with YN instead. 

YN never really stopped thinking Harry was cute, or sweet, or any of the nice things the other girls said about him, because he was. She just stopped putting so much emphasis on those things and treated him like a whole person instead. And somewhere along the line, he started treating her like a whole person as well. 

They kept in touch during the school year as they got older - time zones made it difficult while he was back in England but they got creative. YN knew all the gossip at Harry’s school across the ocean, and he knew hers. He called her on holidays, even the American ones that he didn’t celebrate. Sometimes they would text at all hours, first thing in the morning for one of them and last thing at night for the other. But they managed. 

So YN gave up on a crush and instead she earned a best friend that she trusted with her entire being. And that trade-off seemed pretty fair to her, looking back. Boys would come and go, but Harry had become a constant, and she didn’t want it any other way. 

As they entered into adulthood, they grew even closer. YN had always been very independent, sure, but there was something inside of her that craved companionship that she was never quite able to satisfy. Except for Harry. 

Their first year on staff together they were assigned to the same age group for the first half of the summer and from the get-go, there was something special between them. It was even to the point where Mitch, the camp director, noticed that when they were together, kids listened better, cabins were cleaner, and the kids were more engaged in programs. So YN and Harry appropriately started calling themselves the Dream Team and no one ever tried to correct them. It felt nice, YN realized roughly three-quarters of the way through that summer, to feel like she was doing life with someone (even if that someone was a different person than the someone she was hooking up with, but that was beside the point).

So it was natural that when they both came back for their second summer on staff, they were smart enough to equip themselves with cheap little walkie-talkies so they could stay in touch throughout the day and night, seeing as there was no cell service out in nature. Without some lame asshole trying to take advantage of her, YN found herself clinging to Harry even more than the year prior. If he noticed, he never said anything, and he seemed to enjoy being with her at least equally as much. Harry never tried to change her mind about anything important, never tried to pry if she made it clear she wanted to keep something to herself, and never allowed her to feel alone or unloved, which was something she had definitely never experienced before. He made it clear that he valued her independence, her strong-willed nature, and her opinionated mind. Every ex she had ever had, including the one from the summer before, had attempted to change or alter some aspect of who she was, and Harry never did. Instead of trying to reel her in and make her fit into a specific place in his life, the two of them were equally part of each other’s lives, cheering each other on and supporting one another in whatever they were doing or saying or thinking. 

To no one’s surprise, they were placed in the same age group together again, too. Unfortunately, they were given the most difficult age group - 11 and 12-year-olds - which Mitch validated by claiming the Dream Team could handle anything. Middle schoolers were difficult for lots of reasons - some had started puberty and had the hormones of teens but the knowledge of children. Others hadn’t yet and felt the pressure to keep up with their peers. They still needed to be reminded to brush their teeth every night, but if they were left alone for too long they might start trying to kiss each other in the middle of the field. 

She knew it would be a bit difficult, but everything was made slightly easier with Harry by her side. It meant they could spend quality time together during the day, and when he talked, the campers would actually stop and listen to him. Plus, the girls definitely thought she was cooler since she was so close with the cutest counselor. Unsurprisingly, they were pretty obsessed with Harry. And honestly, YN didn’t blame them. 

It was like Harry was born to be a camp counselor. He had something about him that entirely bloomed if he was in the right setting, and YN was confident that their summer camp was that setting. He was fun, energetic, and he played the guitar. The kids loved him and his silly antics, and the staff wanted to be near him. He had the most beautiful British accent which made everyone stop and listen, even the most ruthless campers. And of course, he was undeniably cute.

Before long, the lifeguard blew his whistle. YN and Harry each stood up and started counting their campers, getting ready to head back to the cabins to shower and then on with the rest of the day and other activities. The two of them were glued together as always while they sent their campers off to electives, sat in the daily staff meeting, played sports on the field, and wrangled everyone for dinner. And they walked together leading the group to their evening activity for the day. Which at the three-week mark in the summer was a talent show in front of the campfire. 

The talent show was a camper favorite and the counselors even came up with a clever name for it a few years ago - Talents Under The Sky (TUTS). So, after every act instead of applauding the audience would “tut, tut, tut” as if they were disciplining a toddler. It made no sense, but everyone bought into it and it brought out laughter so it was definitely a winner as far as Mitch was concerned. 

YN was mostly relieved that she was going through this with kids that were old enough to have actual real talents, and not the 8-year-olds that all insisted on doing skits about nothing that made no sense while speaking too quietly for anyone to hear. Her campers sang songs, did gymnastics, and told jokes. One of Harry’s even attempted to rap. He was a total mess, but you’d never know based on the way that Harry cheered him on and congratulated him when he got off the stage. 

After all the kids had their turn, a few of the counselors decided to step up and show off as well. Sarah read slam poetry that was clearly a joke and had the kids bending over with laughter. And Niall brought out one of his golf clubs to hit pinecones with, allowing some of the campers to run out into the field and measure which one went the furthest. But YN had limited skills and didn’t want to embarrass herself in front of campers who already only thought she was cool when she was next to Harry, so instead of going up on stage, she used her marshmallow roasting talent to build s’mores for all the kids. 

Harry, on the other hand, was actually filled with talent. As the last act of the night, he joked that he was headlining the show. With a guitar in hand, he stepped up to the stage. Lit by the fire in front of him, his skin glowed even more than it did under the bright summer sun. His rosemary eyes reflected the sparks of the fire, twinkling in a way that made it so YN couldn’t look away (she almost burnt a marshmallow but blew out the flame just in time). But mostly, YN thought he looked at peace, at home. Sitting there on the stage in front of campers, staff, the fire, and YN must be his happy place, YN decided.

He pursed his lips to the side as he sat there on a chair and looked up at the sky considering what to play.

“Anyway, here’s Wonderwall,” he started with a chuckle and no other introduction. 

The campers sang along, but Harry’s voice came across strong and clear over them. It didn’t really matter what he was singing, his voice would always be soothing to her ears. It reminded her of years past, of their own campfire talent shows, of music elective as a camper, and late nights under the stars. She felt goosebumps on her skin, but brushed them off as caused by the chilly night air. 

By the end of the song, every camper had a s’more and YN switched her focus to making one for herself (and one for Harry after he finished playing guitar). 

Harry let out a breath. “Ok.” he slapped his own legs with finality. “That was... not too bad, right?” 

Most of the kids cheered for him, but one of the boys from his cabin called out “that was trash!” giggling as he spoke. 

“Early bedtime for you tonight, I think,” Harry called out with a laugh. “Alright, I know we said everyone got to do one song but... I’m in charge so I’m gonna do another and no one can stop me.” 

A few of the campers laughed and YN smiled as she finished putting together the sandwich treats for herself and Harry. 

“Some of you might know this song, but I’m not sure. It’s one of my favorites and it’s called Girl Crush.”

YN sat on a bench, her own s’more in hand as she gazed up at Harry in front of her. Curled in on herself and her sweater to keep warm, YN admired the way the stars framed his face. She could feel a bit of marshmallow finding its place on the corner of her mouth, but she didn’t mind - the treat in her hand tasted good and the majority of her attention was on Harry and his guitar. 

His voice sounded beautiful with everything he sang, but for some reason on this last song, YN felt completely enraptured by his angelic tones. He belted out notes that she didn’t think he could reach, lyrics clear and melody soothing. And if she didn’t know any better, YN could swear he was looking over in her direction a little too often. 

There was a moment at the end of the song - all the campers and staff were silent as Harry was singing softly, his gaze directed at YN, eyes wide and unblinking. He finished the last word, strummed the last chord, and in that moment, it looked like he was going to say something. Taking a breath, he opened his mouth, but no words came out. His audience waited for a beat or two, expecting him to say something with finality, but he didn’t. All he did was cock his head to the side, look into YN’s eyes, and sigh. 

“Alright, a round of applause for all of our very talented friends tonight!” Sarah called out, breaking up the moment. 

Harry blinked a few times and turned his attention back to the rest of the group, clapping along with the campers. He stood up and walked off the stage, removed the guitar strap from his chest, and went to sit next to YN, taking the s’more out of her hands with a small smile of thanks but not saying anything.

When YN got her campers back to the cabin after closing circle, they were still hyped up from TUTS, but mostly they were gushing over Harry’s singing. 

“He sounded so pretty and his hair looked so cute!” 

“Oh my gosh did you guys see the way he was looking at YN while he sang that last song? He’s totally in love with her!”

YN realized it was time to cut them off and shift their attention. “Brush your teeth please, but don’t get changed for bed. We’re having a guest tonight!” YN called out when she got her campers back to their cabin. 

The girls immediately started giggling and chatting, giddy with excitement as they tried to guess who would be coming and what they would be doing. For the most part, they followed her instructions and cleaned up the floor for their guest before sitting together in a circle in the front of the cabin by YN’s bed. She checked her watch - Harry should be there any moment, it couldn’t take that long to get his boys ready for bed and leave them with Niall. 

It was sweet, the way the girls were all jittery and excited without even knowing what was in store. YN fondly remembered nights exactly like this when she was their age. Sure camp taught her how to climb trees and tie-dye shirts and sing new songs, but the untold truth was that camp was the perfect place to learn about boys and kissing and dating, and when she was only a year or two older than her current campers she appreciatively remembers a girl telling her about blow jobs. It seemed so grotesque back then - boys don’t even wipe when they pee, why would she want to put that in her mouth? 

Finally a knock at the door.

“Hello? Yeh all decent?” Harry called from the other side of the cabin’s door. 

The girls shrieked.

“Yeah, come on in,” YN replied. 

Harry walked in, ducking his head to make it through the barrier which had been originally built in the 1930s and had hardly been upgraded since. When he looked up and made eye contact with her, YN couldn’t help but notice how bright his deep green eyes looked, even after a long exhausting day of being a camp counselor. He had on a pair of worn-out jeans with holes over the knees and a baseball t-shirt with a yellow collar and sleeves, which showed off his arms nicely.

He made his way over to the center of the cabin and sat down on YN’s bed next to her. The girls were all smiling and whispering to each other. 

“Y’need anythin’? Water?” Harry asked YN softly, holding up his own water bottle. 

YN chuckled a bit. “H, this is my cabin, I’m good.” 

“Just making sure,” he shrugged before turning his attention to the campers. “Alright ladies,” Harry started. He almost always referred to the girls as ‘ladies’, and YN secretly loved it - it was sweet that he was giving them that kind of respect. The campers quieted down, looking directly at him like whatever came out of his mouth was going to be the most important thing in the world. “I’m here tonight to do a question time. Ask m’anything you want. Can ask about me, or about boys, or camp, or school. Whatever’s on y’minds, alright? All questions are valid and I’m an open book.” 

He smirked, looking over to YN next to him. The area was small and their shoulders and legs were touching as the aging bed sagged in the middle from their weight. 

A few girls raised their hands to start asking questions, and Harry called on them one at a time. They started rather innocently.

“What’s your middle name?”

“Edward.”

“How many years have you come to camp?”

“This would be m’tenth.”

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Pink.”

But it wasn’t long before they strayed... 

“What color is your underwear right now?”

“Blue.”

“Boxers or briefs?”

“Do y’even know what the difference is? Anyway boxer-briefs.” 

“How old were you when you had your first kiss?”

“Hmm...” he paused. “Think I was thirteen. Happened here at camp actually, out behind the Oak cabin if m’not mistaken.”

“Ooh tell us the story!” 

Harry smiled, looking over towards YN. He opened his mouth to speak but one of the girls interrupted him.

“Oh was YN your first kiss?!?!?” 

Harry chuckled. “No, no. But she was kind of there if I remember correctly.”

YN nodded at the memory.

“Was with a girl in my age group named Anna. Though she was quite cute, so I gave her the pot I made in art elective. Sat next to her at every meal for three days, too. Finally, she slipped a message to me to meet her outside behind her cabin at midnight, when she thought her counselors would be gone. So me and Niall snuck out of our cabin and met her. We got there and she had a friend with her, so our two friends walked a little bit away. Was quite awkward, but she was sweet.”

“I was in the cabin,” YN clarified. “But we were all staring out the window.” 

“And your counselors were asleep?”

Harry laughed again. “No, we underestimated how late they would stay up. Got caught red-handed, we did.” 

The campers laughed. 

“But I want yeh to know, it’s ok if you’re a lot older before you have your first kiss, or younger, or however old. The most important thing is that it’s a good experience, right YN?” 

He looked over at her for reassurance and she nodded. 

“And always remember, you never need to define yourself by a romantic partner. You are all strong little people who will grow up into stronger bigger people. And if you really want a partner when you’re older, you’ll find one who respects you for who you are. But don’t ever be afraid of being alone.” 

The campers totally looked past her well-meaning, deep-hearted advice. “How old were you, YN?” 

“Hey now, that’s for another night. This is Harry’s question time, not mine,” she teased back at her camper. 

“Harry, do you have a girlfriend?” 

He took a deep, shaky breath and stared at the ceiling for a moment before answering. YN knew the question must be difficult for him. He’d been dating a girl back in London for around six months when he heard back that he had been hired to work at camp for another summer. She didn’t want to come with him. She didn’t want to do long distance. She didn’t want him to leave. 

Harry called YN out of the blue one day - well it was the middle of the night for him, that’s why he said he called her instead of a friend in London. He told her that he didn’t want to wake anyone up. And he wanted to know what she thought since she was his best camp friend. And she was honest with him. 

“Look H, I can’t tell you what to do. But I want you to be happy and I know I’ve never seen you happier than when you’re on a hike to the hidden campsite. And someone who really loves you should also want you to be happy. But I don’t know. Maybe you’re happier with her and I haven’t seen it. Just... do what makes you happy H, yeah? 

He broke up with her the next day and called YN in a blubbering mess. 

“No, no I don’t,” he answered softly.

“You should date YN!” one of the younger ones called out without missing a beat. 

YN felt herself blushing, but she wasn’t sure why. Campers always wanted their counselors to date each other. And it wasn’t the first time someone had suggested it to the two of them. But he was sitting close to her, legs and arms touching, lounging on top of her favorite blanket. It had been a while since she had even considered it. But there was no point in thinking about it, really - they were best friends and she wouldn’t risk anything to lose him.

Harry flashed her a toothy smile, and if she didn’t know any better, YN would’ve sworn she saw a glimmer of mischief in his eyes. 

“I don’t know, ladies. Your YN’s got staff boys falling all over her,” he teased. “Of course they know they have to get through me, first,” he said, puffing out his chest in show. 

She gave him a playful shove and they both laughed. They both knew it wasn’t true.

“You’d be so cute though! Harry could sing to you and you could go on romantic hikes and he clearly likes you, everyone can tell.” 

Harry was smiling, all in good fun until that very last statement. His brows were high on his forehead, eyes wide. He coughed. YN tried to read him, but it was hard. Other than shock, he wasn’t giving much away. Taking a deep breath, he looked back over to YN. Their eyes met and she shrugged.

“Have you ever dated each other? Or kissed? Or anything?”

Both of them shook their heads. “Nope. YN is my best friend. We’re the dream team, right?” he looked to her for a nod of agreement. “I’m so lucky to have her in my life.” 

“Ok, well, what’s your favorite thing about YN?” 

Harry looked at her for a moment. “I like... I like that she’s kind to everyone, even if they don’t deserve it.” 

Most of the campers let out a little “aw” as she blushed at his response. But the little one wasn’t satisfied with the answer.

“What’s your favorite thing about her physically though?”

“Everything,” he answered quickly.

The response kind of took her by surprise. He didn’t even take a pause to think it over, didn’t try and come up with a bullshit work-around answer. Straight up, ‘everything’. What was she supposed to do with that information? Did he actually like the way she looked? 

“Ok, next question?” 

“You sang that song Girl Crush so... do you have a crush on anyone?” 

His smirk spread across his face. 

“A crush is supposed to be a secret, if I tell you then what happens?” he answered. “Can’t have you telling her because then I’ll never get my chance to do it properly, hm?”

“That means yes, you totally do!” 

He shrugged. “Alright, who’s next?” 

“How do I know if a boy likes me?”

“Who was your first crush?”

“What do penises taste like?”

Some of the questions really challenged the statement that all questions were valid and they wouldn’t laugh. But they did their best. YN definitely helped answer some, because Harry for one had no idea what penises tasted like, but he did promise that if he ever found out, they would be the first to get his report back. 

They pushed and pushed about the two of them together. Something about being 11 and 12 years old made it engraved into their DNA that they would never let this go, no matter how many times both Harry and YN reassured the kids that they were only best friends. They asked what his favorite color of eyes was, and then pointed out that YN had that color. They asked what his ideal first date would be, and then cheered about how cute it would be for the two of them to go on that together. And they asked what he likes best in a girl, easily noticing that every characteristic he mentioned matched YN perfectly. 

All together, Harry’s visit was probably the most exciting cabin time they had ever had. They were pretty riled up by the end of it when YN noticed it was ten minutes past their bedtime and forced the session to a close. 

“You can ask me any questions, any time you want. I’m a safe, open book, alright?” he promised them.

“Except not who you like!” 

“Still gotta keep some things to myself, hm?” he said, looking directly at YN. 

After Harry left, YN spent over half an hour getting the campers settled down and ready for bed. All in all, they were good kids, even if tweens were generally awful. At least her kids listened pretty well and everyone took showers. That’s all she could really ask of them. 

She turned the lights out, saying goodnight and walking back over to her bed area. Technically, counselors were supposed to stay inside the cabin if it was their turn for bed watch. But YN’s co-counselor was on a night off, and she hadn’t had a spare minute to herself for far too long, so she changed into her PJs, grabbed her phone, and snuck out the back door. 

Her quiet escape was almost ruined, though, when she walked directly into another body and gasped louder than she meant to. 

Harry put his hand over her mouth as fast as he could.

“Don’t let them hear you,” he whispered. 

She smiled, and Harry let his hand slowly drop away. 

“Scared me, H,” she told him as quietly as she could manage. “This is what the walkies are for, aren’t they?”

He chuckled a bit, taking half a step back and nodding towards the half-wall built in to support the hill a few feet away. They sat together for a moment in silence, looking at the window and listening for any movement that might be coming from inside the cabin. Only when they were both convinced the kids were still in bed did YN released the breath she was holding and turned to face Harry.

“The girls had fun tonight, I think,” she whispered softly. 

Harry smirked. “So did I.”

“After you left they asked me what boxer briefs were.” She paused for a moment, laughing at the ridiculous way the question sounded as it came out of her camper’s mouth. “Led to quite an interesting discussion, I think.”

“Oh, I bet. You’ll have to give me your notes on it later,” he responded.

YN realized she was still holding onto her phone, so she slipped it into her back pocket. She had wanted to come out here to be alone, but being with Harry was undoubtedly better.

“You know,” she started, looking straight ahead towards the cabin. “They’ve been telling me to date you all week.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, probably should’a warned you about that.”

She turned back to see him shrug. 

“Didn’t mind the question that much, really.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, why would I mind?”

Because you would never want to date me. Because I could never compare to your ex. Because every straight girl on staff is plotting how to get into your pants. Because we’ve been best friends for years and I gave up hope on anything romantic between us ages ago. Because everyone I’ve ever been with has made it clear that in some way, I’m too much for them.

“Dunno,” she lied. “Kids can make things like that a bit awkward, ya know?”

Harry responded with a noncommittal hum. “I don’t know. They’re just kids - they have crushes and want to start dating and so they project that onto us. ‘S natural.”

“I guess... Sounded good at TUTS tonight,” she tried to change the subject.

“Thanks, love that song. It means... a lot to me...” 

YN nodded, kicking a pebble lightly with her toe. 

“Did you mean what you said when they asked you about the crush?”

“Which part?”

“The part where... well you said you had one but you wouldn’t tell...”

Harry chuckled a bit. “Course I won't tell a bunch of kids like that. When it’s time to tell her I like her, she’ll know.” 

YN looked up at the sky as she contemplated what that meant - that he had already fallen for someone else and her chances with him (that she definitely wasn’t hoping for) were all but forgotten. The feeling wasn’t new, but it meant that maybe one day, sooner than she would like, her place beside him would be replaced with someone else and she would be out on her own again. Which, honestly, was ok. She had gone this long by herself, she could do it again. But she couldn’t deny that she would miss having someone next to her, physically and metaphorically. 

The sun had gone down long ago, and the stars were shining bright above them. That’s one thing she especially loved about camp - the nighttime stars. They were so much clearer than in the city. It was easy to get lost in them if she allowed herself - not unlike Harry’s eyes when he gave her that special look filled with softness and care and something else could never quite place. His eyes were probably made of stardust, she thought. Like someone had snatched one out of the sky, ground it up into little tiny flecks, and scattered them around his face as a little baby. And now, years later, those flakes were still present as shiny spots in his irises, in freckles on his nose, in the little mole under the corner of his mouth. 

She wasn’t sure how long she’d been staring at the sky before Harry nudged her. 

“Oh, sorry.”

“Lookin’ at the stars again?”

“Yeah,” she sighed. 

“Hey,” he brought her attention back to him. “What do you say we go stargazing tomorrow night? You’ll be off, right?”

It had been a long time since they had gone out together in the late night, walking to the hidden spot near the lake where they would lay on their backs and look at the stars. Sometimes they were silent, but other times they talked about what else was out there, or what shapes they could see in the stars, or anything and everything that came to their minds. 

YN furrowed her brow. “Yeah, but you’ll be on bed watch, right?”

“Technically,” he shrugged. “But Niall owes me.”

She didn’t respond right away. Maybe she was still a bit lost in the stars, or maybe she was lost in Harry. 

“Y’cold?”

“Hm?” she asked.

Harry reached out to rub her arm. “Got goosebumps. Y’want my jacket?”

She looked first at where Harry was trying to warm her, and then quickly noticed what had probably actually gotten his attention. When she changed into her PJs she had taken off her bra, not expecting to be face to face with anyone else for the night. It wasn’t completely out of the ordinary for the two of them to be hanging around in pajamas and braless, but they weren’t usually outside in the cold and her nipples weren’t usually hard and on full display.

She looked between Harry and the cabin, weighing the odds of getting back inside, finding a jacket, and coming out again, all without the campers noticing. Even if she was wearing a bra, she knew that the chances of the whole endeavor working out were fairly slim. And Harry always had the softest sweatshirts.

“Uh, yeah. If you don’t mind?”

“Course I don’t.” He laughed as he pulled off his hoodie for her. “I would do anything, give you anything. You know that, YN.” 

She slipped it on over her head, breathing in deeply when she thought he wouldn’t notice. His smell was so nice. 

“Thanks,” she whispered. 

Harry looked back at her, but she couldn't read his expression. He didn’t respond, just let his eyes meet hers. With a slight smirk, he tilted his head to the side but still stayed silent. 

“What?” she giggled.

“Nothing.”

“That’s a lie.”

He sighed, but with a smile. “You’re right.” 

She thought she had him trapped, but he still stayed quiet. Maybe it was the kids throwing it out only an hour earlier, or maybe it was being surrounded by his scent in his comfy hoodie, but YN might have tricked herself into believing that Harry was looking at her with something a little extra in his eyes. But she knew better. 

“Well whatever it is, I’ll be here when you want to tell me.”

YN figured that he would share his thoughts with her eventually, he always did. She made sure he knew that he could trust her, that she would listen without judging and that everything said between them would stay between them. 

She didn’t know that Harry was thinking about how good she looked in his clothes. About how he would like to see her walking around in one of his large t-shirts and no bra, socks on her cold feet as she walked around his apartment. About how in this particular sweatshirt she just looked so cozy and all he wanted to do was grab her and hold tight, cuddle under some blankets and fall asleep with a smile. About how she’s always on his mind these days. She didn’t know any of that. 

But she listened as he continued on with something unrelated. He told her how Niall had convinced his campers that the dining hall staff actually have a way to measure which age group is eating the most vegetables, so they better eat more or else he could get fired for malnutrition. They sat down together on the cabin porch and he told her about how he had discovered a dusty old guitar in the back of the music room and spent a few hours trying to get it into tune, only to no avail. When an owl spoke up in the distance, she listened as Harry told her about the time a kid in his class when he was 8 years old who was obsessed with owls and talked about them incessantly, and to this day Harry can name random owl facts that he wished he didn’t know.

And she listened until Harry had bored himself, realizing that he had spent the entire time talking. 

“Let’s talk about you, hm?” he offered. 

YN shrugged. “What about? I’m not that exciting, H,” she laughed. “My campers think I’m lame unless I’m with you, I have no idea what life holds for me when the summer ends, and I haven’t even touched a boy since that guy last summer.” 

“Yeah well,” Harry crossed his arms over his chest. “Liam was no good anyway.” 

“He was fine, harmless, H,” she insisted.

“YN, seriously.” His tone lowered. “You keep calling him ‘that guy last year’ but he was your boyfriend. And he sucked.” 

Sighing, YN took a few steps away from Harry, kicking a rock before turning back around to respond to him. 

“Well first of all, he refused to suck, so write that down.” She looked up, expecting Harry to laugh at the joke but was only matched with a concerned face and a raised eyebrow, so she continued. “He just... he made me feel a little less alone, ok?”

“He took advantage of you, YN. He was only nice if he was sober and he told me he never liked you.” 

“I know!” 

Both of their eyes widened at her outburst, forgetting they were standing right outside a cabin of hopefully sleeping kids. They waited for a moment, expecting a voice to come from inside. After it was quiet for a moment, they continued. 

“I know he took advantage of me, H. But no one had ever given me that kind of attention before, you know? He made me feel wanted, made me feel like maybe I could be loved because I could do something for him that no one else could. Made me feel like even if I was ok alone, maybe I didn’t have to be.” 

“I know,” he answered softly, bringing a hand up to her arm and squeezing lightly. “But you don’t need that kind of attention, not from guys like that.” He paused for a moment, looking up at the sky before looking back at her. 

Before he could open his mouth again, she filled the silence.

“But this is what I get, right? Men are trash and I let them in because I’m just a big dumpster fire?” She laughed at the end, looking down at her feet.

“YN, look at me.” When she didn’t, he got stronger. He softly grasped her jaw, forcing her attention back to him and bringing his other hand to rest on her waist. “Stop trying to make jokes to get out of this. You don’t need him, or anyone like him. You have me, and I’ll give you all the attention you want. I won't let you be alone anymore.”

She closed her eyes, breathing deeply as she processed his words. 

“Listen to me YN. I’ll be here for everything you need. I can be everything for you. Let me be everything for you.” He took a deep breath, shifting his hand from her jaw to rest on her cheek instead. “I can tell that you’re lonely, but I’m literally right here. Let me be here for you. I just... I want you to be happy. Let me make you happy.” 

She leaned her head into his large, supportive palm, and allowed his warmth to spread through her. YN was grateful it was late and there were no lights behind the cabins because if there were then Harry would have seen her blushing at his comment. 

“I’m here, YN. I’m yours. Ok? I’m yours and you’re mine, and we’re going to be ok.” 

He said it with finality, and YN didn’t want to fight him. Instead, she lunged forward arms first, grabbing around his torso tightly and tucking her head into his chest. From her spot against him, she could feel the puff of his breath as her body reached his with a bit of power behind it, and then the way his heart was beating a bit faster than usual. 

He wrapped himself around her quickly, one arm around her waist and the other rubbing up and down her back softly. After a moment, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“I’m so lucky to have a friend like you, Harry.” 

She was flattered that he felt so protective over her. So she listened as he talked about how much cared for her. And she listened as he talked about the standards she should be holding herself to. And she listened as he gave her a hard time for never taking her own advice. And she listened as he gave her comforting words, reminding her that she was worth so much more than she was allowing for herself. 

And she listened when Harry checked his watch and realized he had ten minutes to get back to his cabin and get in bed before curfew. 

The only thing she didn’t listen to was his insistence on her keeping his sweatshirt. 

“I’m like five feet away from my bed, H. You need it more than I do.” 

“Fine, but stargazing tomorrow, alright? Don’t forget.” 

Not that she ever could.

. . .

The next day seemed to have dragged on for ages, even though she knew it was the same daily routine they had been following over the past three weeks. They did group activities, sports time, meals, electives, pool, shower time, and more group activities. But still, the day felt like it was never going to end, there was always something next other than spending alone time with Harry. She did see him literally all day and ate every meal sitting next to him as always, but looking forward to stargazing that night made the seconds tick by slower than ever. Bedtime couldn’t have come soon enough. 

As the closing circle wrapped up and kids hugged each other goodnight, YN felt a firm but soft hand come to rest on her back. 

“Click the walkie three times when you’re ready,” he whispered, reminding her of their code. “Meet me in the parking lot, ‘ve got a surprise.” 

She could hear the lilt in his voice and knew without even looking that he was trying to hide his signature smirk. YN couldn’t for the life of her figure out what kind of surprise he might have in store for them, but the butterflies in her tummy came back in full force. Taking a breath, she nodded her head. Harry’s body was close enough that she could just barely get a whiff of that signature smell he carried around with him. She wanted to drown in it.  

Back in the cabin, she waited for a while to help the girls get settled into bed. It was Sarah’s turn for bedwatch, so YN allowed her to take the lead on calming everyone down and getting them into bed. Before turning out the lights, she changed into comfortable clothes and grabbed her walkie-talkie from the shelf next to her bed.

“YN!” one of the campers whisper-yelled to her. 

She whipped her head around until she spotted a camper on a top bunk lying with her head in her hands, watching YN. She walked over, resting a hand on the bunk. 

“Where are you going tonight?”

YN couldn’t help but chuckle. 

“Just on a little adventure. If I’m not back by morning, call the authorities... or call Harry,” she joked before turning back around.

“You’re going on an adventure with Harry?!” the camper cheered out. 

Suddenly the calmness in the room was shattered as most of the campers were sitting up in bed, asking questions or yelling out reminders (specifically that if Harry ever let her touch his hair she was required to report back to them in vivid detail what it was like). 

“I knew you were dating him!” the first camper called out again.

YN laughed under her breath as she gathered up her things for the evening. “I’m not dating him, he even told you himself, didn’t he?” 

“But sometimes counselors lie,” the girl insisted.

YN pulled on a sweatshirt and grabbed her phone and walkie to put into her pockets. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’ve never told a lie in my life!” 

She headed towards the door, but the campers were still eagerly chatting away about the situation. YN was grateful that it wasn’t her night to stay on bed watch, and Sarah would have to calm the kids back down now. After three nights in a row, she deserved the night off. 

The staff parking lot was at the very bottom of the hill, meaning YN found herself walking through the entire camp. After all these years, she still found awe in the way camp looked at night after everyone had gone to bed. It was quiet in a different way than she was used to. And although she had every other night off from bed watch with the freedom to spend time by herself, she still found beauty in the eerie stillness of a place that was usually bustling with energy. 

When she finally reached the lot, which was really more like an extra-wide dirt road with some dusty vehicles parked along the edge, she spotted Harry sitting on the trunk of his car, distracted by the phone in his hand. As she walked along the road, she laughed at the jokes and names and shapes that campers and staff alike had drawn into the dust-covered surfaces of the cars. 

She watched as Harry finally looked up from his phone and spotted her walking towards him from about fifteen feet away. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but she could’ve sworn she saw his face light up at the realization.

“Well hello darling,” he greeted her softly. 

YN took the last few steps towards him before hoisting herself up onto the trunk next to him. 

“Hey H. Hope you haven’t been waiting too long. I know I sent the signal a while ago but then one of the girls asked where I was going tonight and when they found out I would be with you, all hell broke loose,” she giggled.

He looked back at her with a soft gaze, shaking his head. 

“No such thing. Would wait hours for you, you know that.” 

It was quiet for a moment before Harry coughed, bringing her attention back to him.

“So um, I’ve actually got a little something planned for tonight, if you’re alright with it. Still gonna stargaze! Just thought... y’know... maybe we could have a little fun along the way.” 

She looked back at him quizzically. 

“Uh right so, actually the surprise is in the car so...” 

Harry jumped off of his perch before lending a hand to YN and helping her down as well. She watched him fish his keys out of his pocket and start opening the back end of the car. 

“Hey, s’a surprise,” he insisted, urging her to giggle and turn away from him. 

With her eyes closed, she could hear him opening the trunk, throwing a few things around, and closing it again. A few options of what it could be ran through her mind - some good food he’d smuggled in from his last day off, an extra one of his perfect-smelling sweatshirts, some candy he had confiscated from a camper. 

“Are y’eyes closed?” 

“Yes, Harry! Tell me what it is already!” 

First, she heard him - his footsteps on the imperfect dirt road. Then she felt him - his breath on the back of her neck and his left hand resting on her waist. She held her breath.

“Alrigh’,” he whispered directly into her ear. “Open up.”

It took a few blinks for her eyes to readjust to the limited lighting they were under, but when she could get a clear picture again she couldn't help but smile wide. She turned around in his arms, laughing as she went.

“Harry! You snuck in alcohol?!” She gave him a little shove to his chest to punctuate her accusation.

Harry shrugged. “Yeah, brought it at the beginning of the summer but wanted to save it for something special. But any occasion with my girl is a special occasion. And I know for a fact that you haven’t had anything to drink yet this summer, even on your days off. You deserve to have some fun, so I’m not taking no for an answer.”

YN sighed, feigning discontent. 

Harry just raised his brow, challenging her.

Ever the rule follower, the truth was she did feel guilty drinking during the summer even on days off. But Harry was right, it had been weeks. And if she was ever going to break a rule with someone it was going to be Harry. He always made those moments worth it. 

“Fine, just this once though, ok?” 

A giant smile spread across his face then as he knew he had won her over. 

“You say that now, but I bet y’would drink again if it came with the bonus of spending time with me.” 

“Bonus? Hanging out with you is like a chore at best,” she teased. “Now open that thing before I change my mind.” 

Harry shook his head as he turned his attention to the bottle of cheap vodka in his hands. She would tease him for buying the off-brand as well, except that she knew what his salary was, because it was the same as hers, and it wasn’t nearly enough to validate buying the good stuff like she knew he preferred. 

Once the lid was twisted off, he handed the bottle to her. 

“Do the honors?” 

“Wait, you don’t have any chaser, do you? Harry!” 

He laughed again. “You get what you pay for, love. Now take a drink before I change my mind about sharing with yeh.” 

She rolled her eyes before bringing the bottle up to her mouth. YN took a small sip before opening her mouth wide, sticking her tongue out, and making a disgusting noise that she would only ever allow Harry to hear.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it!” he insisted.

“Harry, I swear to god, if you ever make me drink straight vodka like that again-”

“Relax, babe,” he cut her off with a giggle. He turned back around and opened the trunk again, pulling out a bottle of juice and holding it up. 

“Harry!” 

“What! I just wanted to see if you would do it s’all.” 

He grabbed a couple of plastic cups as well before closing the trunk and using it as a table. YN hopped back up to sit on it, swinging her legs back and forth against the back of the car as he mixed their drinks. They stayed there for a while, drinking together and chatting. It hadn’t been long since they had last talked, a few hours at most, but over their entire friendship, they had never once managed to run out of things to talk about. They traded stories of their nights out during the year away from each other. Most of YN’s involved her friends doing stupid things and her having to clean up the mess, and most of Harry’s had to do with his ex. 

Harry was in the middle of telling a story about the time that he and his ex went to a bar, she lost exactly one shoe, and he spent twenty minutes crawling around on his hands and knees in the sticky bar looking for it only for her to remember she left it at their table.

“Hey, stop that,” YN interrupted.

“What? “ Harry raised his brow and took another sip of his drink. 

“Stop talking about her. I don’t want to hear about her and I know you don’t want to talk about her.” She paused for a moment, pursing her lips and looking down at her feet before looking back up at him. “Alright, here’s the deal. No more mentions of her tonight, tonight is a fun night. And then we can pick a different time to sit around and be sad about her, alright?”

Harry seemed to think over the proposition for a moment before nodding his head. “I’ll do my best. ‘S hard though... spent nearly every day with her for six months.”

“You also spent time working and studying and doing things with friends, right?” 

Again, he nodded.

“Great, tell me those things.”

“Fine, but not here.” He hopped off the car, grabbed his mixed drink in one hand and the half-empty bottle in the other, and started walking further down the dirt road away from the cabins and fields and program spaces and towards the hiking trails. 

“You coming?” he called back over his shoulder.

YN followed his lead, hopping off the back of the car and jogging to catch up with him as they walked deeper into the forest. When they reached the first fork in the road, YN started naturally going right, but Harry stopped her. 

“C’mon, let’s go this way,” he nodded to the left with his head.

“Towards the lake?” 

“Yeah, why not?” 

YN was a little confused at first. “Lake” was a strong word for the collection of smelly water hidden at the end of that trail. For years camp tried to clean it out and make it swimmable, or boatable, or even just not smell so bad. But every year they came back for the summer and it was exactly as disgusting as ever. Generations of campers and staff continued the legend that if you touched the water you would get a special rash that no one in the infirmary could heal. And when YN was a young camper, she swore she saw a dead fish floating around in it, but no one ever believed her.

But Harry looked determined, and YN trusted him, so she followed him anyway. 

“Fine, but give me a refill,” she insisted, holding her cup out in front of him. 

He gladly filled her cup and continued to lead her down the path. About five minutes in, YN realized how long it had been since she had gone this route. They no longer took campers to this spot anymore, not on purpose anyway. Which meant the last time she had been there must’ve been when she snuck out of her cabin as a teen. And that had to mean...

“Harry, are you taking me to our spot?” she asked softly. 

He kept his focus straight ahead as he nodded.

“Yeah, thought it would be nice. S’alright, right?” 

“Mhmm.”

There was an easy pause before Harry started up again telling a story of the time his friend accidentally picked up a stranger’s phone at a bar and got halfway home before realizing it. YN laughed along as they walked.

Truthfully, YN could listen to Harry talk for hours and never get bored. It didn’t even matter what he was saying. The sound of his voice was familiar and soothing, and the way he spoke sounded like a gentle melody from the birds or the waves crashing in the ocean. She had been known to completely zone out while he was talking, listening to the rhythm of his voice and entirely forgetting what the words coming out of his mouth actually meant. 

Harry finished the story as they reached their destination, but YN almost didn’t even notice. She was so much more wrapped up in his presence next to her than what he was saying.  

YN shivered as a cold wind blew through them. 

“YN,” Harry said a bit sternly, “Did you forget to grab a jacket again?”

She shrugged.

“Here, take mine.” He placed his cup and the bottle on the ground carefully before taking his jacket off and draping it over YN’s shoulders. YN would never say no to getting to be wrapped up in Harry, even his clothes were close enough to the real thing. 

The trail eventually opened up to a clearing overlooking the lake. Structures that had been built there in the past were worn down and weeds were growing in the center of an old fire pit. But off to the side still sat the small platform that YN remembered. Apparently at one point in time, it was used as a stage for campers to do talent shows, long before anyone had come up with naming them TUTS. But its only real use in YN’s memory was for lying on her back next to Harry and staring at the stars above. 

They sat in the center of the platform together, cross-legged as Harry placed the bottle of vodka in between them. 

“Alright,” he started with a sigh, hands landing on his knees. “We’re out of earshot of children for the first time in weeks, tell me what’s really on your mind.”

YN smiled but just shrugged. “What, like sex, drugs, and rock and roll?” she teased.

That had Harry giggling, which told YN he was definitely at least as tipsy as she was by that point. 

“Ok, well the first one is sex, you go first.” she declared. 

“I go? What do you mean I go? Like what do you want me to say?”

“Like, I don’t know. Tell me something I don’t already know. Like..” she stared out at the lake for a minute. “Ok, I’ve got one. Tell me a kink you have!” 

“What?!” Harry said. “I’m not doing that, YN ask something else.”

But she crossed her arms and held firm, a pout on her face. “Nope, you have to answer, that’s the game.” 

“What game?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “Just answer the question ok? You get to ask me one next.”

“Alright fine,” he eventually relented. He turned his body away from her to look straight ahead at the overgrown firepit and took another sip of his drink.

“What are you doing?”

“Don’t want to look you in the eye while I say it out loud.”

“Harry! That’s not fair! You totally have to look at me.”

“Fine,” he groaned, twisting around. “Just one, right?”

“You have more than one?” she raised her brows high. 

He had a small smirk on his face as he darted his eyes, looking around everywhere except at her but not answering the question. “I really like... uh...”

“Out with it!”

“I really like being told I’m doing a good job, ok? I like... lots of compliments and nice words and honestly, the moaning counts too, because that means I’m doing, like, an extra good job.”

“So, a praise kink?” she clarified.

YN could see the blood rushing up to his cheeks even more than it already had, and it wasn’t because of the alcohol.

“Uh, yeah, I guess so.” 

His fingers toyed with his lower lip, a nervous tick that YN was well acquainted with. She couldn’t believe he would even consider the idea that she might make fun of him for that.

“A praise kink is like, totally super normal. Tons of people like that shit,” she reasoned. “It’s kinda cute, actually.” 

The words slipped out of her mouth before she could realize what she was saying. By the time it hit her that she had sort of called him cute, it was too late. But he was smiling back at her. 

“Yeah? Y’think so?”

“Mhmm.” YN didn’t know what to say, looking down at her fingers in her lap and picking at her cuticles to distract herself. After the campers badgered him the night before she had meant to be extra careful with using those kinds of words around him unless she wanted to completely embarrass herself. But the alcohol made her loose-lipped and she couldn’t really help it. 

He sat there in silence for a moment before finishing up the second half of his current drink.

“Wonder if you’d say the same thing when I get all possessive over you,” he said under his breath with a chuckle, refilling his cup. 

YN’s eyes went wide for a moment. 

“Alright, your turn,” he told her with renewed vigor, not giving her a chance to ask about what he had just blurted out. “Tell me something... oh, ok, I’ve got it. Tell me about the best fuck you ever had?”

“Ever?”

“Yeah. Who was it, what made it so good, spill.” 

YN let out a breath. That was actually a pretty difficult question, considering her relative lack of experience. Harry talked like everyone had a sex life as extensive as his. She knew for a fact that he started having sex years before she did, and had heard plenty of stories from the other girls at camp about the experiences. 

“What’s taking y’so long?” he whined.

She shrugged. “Dunno. Haven’t really had... I mean some times were better than others, yeah? But none really... stuck out as all that special, y’know?” 

YN watched as Harry tipped his head to the side, curiously. “No, I have no idea. I remember all the special -” but he cut himself off mid-sentence. “Oh my god,” he gasped.

Now she was confused. “What?”

Harry just took another sip of his drink, chuckling as he swallowed. She hated when he did this, goading her on, teasing her with information. In the back of her head, YN knew he only did it because he liked to get her riled up. And as much as she didn’t want to let him win in his endeavor, she really had no choice in this situation. At least not with her lowered inhibitions and the feeling in her lower stomach that she was desperately trying to ignore.

“Harry!” 

“No, I’m gonna make you say it.”

“Well, how can I say it if I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“Ok fine,” he relented. “I wanted you to admit that Liam was small. Probably didn’t even make you cum!” he teased. 

“Yeah, well... he wasn’t the only one,” she grumbled, taking another sip out of her cup. 

“You’ve been with other really small guys?”

“No, I mean...” she didn’t want to admit it, not to Harry of all people. But she supposed she made up the rules of the game and now she had to stick to them and actually answer everything. “I mean... no guy has ever made me... y’know... finish. I mean there was this one time where I thought maybe it happened but like, I know what it feels like and I just really liked the guy and was trying to convince myself he was making it happen.”

“Wait, really? Never?” 

“Never by a guy... no,” she admitted. 

She felt small under his gaze, but not because of what he was saying or doing. Just the knowledge that he had so many partner-induced orgasms that he had to specify a favorite. And on top of that, he knew for a fact that he was at least good at fingering girls because he had fingered Rachel L down by the gazebo three summers ago and everyone found out. All of that combined and YN felt like she could never compare, not to Harry, not to his ex, not to anyone. She was better off staying alone, like she always had been, like she probably always would be. 

“Hey, hey, don’t be sad. We’ll make sure it happens for you,” he assured her, placing a comforting hand on her thigh.

“We?” She looked from his hand to his eyes.

Harry paused for a few seconds, then nodded. “Yeah, of course ‘we’, who do you think I am? Dream Team, remember? Gonna make sure your dream comes TRUE this summer.” 

YN couldn’t keep from laughing at that. 

“Ok your turn,” she declared.

“Shoot.”

“How big is your dick?”

Harry scoffed. “Tell you for a fact that I’m bigger than Liam from last year, and the guy from high school.” 

“You’re just saying that!” 

“Fine, fine. You really wanna know that bad?”

She had always been a tiny bit curious, but now that he was playing his little game and trying to hold the information back, YN was literally going to explode if he didn’t tell her. 

“Well now I do, yeah.”

“Alright, it’s... well it’s about this thick around and this long...when I’m hard... on a good day.” 

He showed her the measurements with his hands, and her drunken mind was in awe. There was no doubt in her swirling mind by then that he was anything like anyone she had ever been with. The idea of someone that big? He had to be bigger than any vibrator she currently owned (very well hidden away inside her suitcase under her bed and behind all her shoes so no one would find them). The image of him stretching her out as she had always hoped to experience one day was painted on the inside of her eyelids. It would probably hurt a little at first, and he would groan as she shifted her body to adjust to him. He would tell her how tight she was in between thrusts and she would feel so full - maybe even feel him all the way in her tummy when he came inside of her. 

Harry laughed. 

Her eyes went wide as she realized she had actually sat there and asked Harry about his dick then closed her eyes and imagined it right in front of him. The alcohol was clearly starting to get to her. He started pouring himself a refill, not giving YN time to fully recuperate after learning this new information. 

“Ok, your turn. When was the last time you had a real orgasm and who were you with? Or I guess... what were you thinking about?”

He asked it so casually. And on the one hand, of course he did, that’s the game they were playing. But on the other hand, YN could feel the butterflies flying around her tummy because she knew what the answer was going to have to be.

“I... I mean I do it a few times a week, the last time was yesterday.” 

She stopped short, but his gaze never left her.

“And you were thinking about...?”

She sighed. YN really didn’t want to have to come out and say it. Harry was her best friend and she didn’t want to make it weird. If he got all weird and looked at her differently after she told him, well she didn’t think she could survive the rest of the summer like that. It would be such a stupid reason to have to break up the dream team anyway. Even if he didn’t make it weird, she probably would. YN was already embarrassed by the way her campers talked about her and Harry, she didn’t need to add any fuel to the fire.

But, she was exactly intoxicated enough to not be able to think of a reasonable lie and the liquid courage took over instead.

“I was thinking about...Uh... well... you,” she finally admitted. 

Harry put the alcohol down on the platform quickly before looking over to YN. She couldn’t read his face. He didn’t say anything, not right away at least, and she could feel the blood rushing to her cheeks as she did her best to look away from him rather than melt under his gaze. She had ruined it, hadn’t she? All these years of friendship and she messed it all up with one drunken admission and now she was going to be miserable. He knew something he was never, ever supposed to know. 

“Hey,” he started, letting his hand rest on her thigh to get her attention. “S’not weird.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, ‘s like... s’a compliment, right? We’ve all thought about people while doing that. And at least it was someone I approve of.” He paused for a moment, appearing to be deep in thought before cracking a smile again. “I want to know how you had time at camp!” 

She giggled at that. It was clear to her that Harry was trying to make her feel as comfortable as possible, which only fed into the mushy melting feeling she had inside of her chest while looking at him. 

“During my hour off, Styles. Geez, you’re an amateur.” She finished up her drink as an emphasis to her point, Harry chuckling beside her. 

YN reached out for the nearly empty bottle of vodka, only for Harry to swipe it out of her grasp. 

“Harry!” 

“Come on, love. I think you’ve had enough.

She let out a little ‘hmph’, sparking a little laugh from Harry as he set the bottle on the other side of the platform.

“You’re just doing that because you don’t want me to see you get any harder,” she insisted.

Harry coughed, clearly taken back by her comment. “You... I... what?”

“Well you’re really bad at hiding how turned on you are,” she said with a shrug, pointing towards the obvious bulge in the front of his sweatpants. Of course, she had been trying to ignore it, but with his size, how could she? In her slightly drunken state, she tried her best not to think of what specifically had turned him on to that point. She tried to remember that there was no way he could be attracted to her or something she said. So, therefore, it must be an alcohol thing, right? 

Harry clearly didn’t want to address the situation at hand, so instead, he tried to change the subject. By this point, YN wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the late hour and lack of sleep that was making them delirious, but either way, she just couldn't stop laughing. And neither could he. Everything one of them said was the most hilarious thing in the world. 

“I saw a whale one time,” Harry told her, sitting up proud. 

“A whale! Oh my gosh, a whale! No one has ever, in the history of the entire world, seen a whale before!” she teased. 

He shoved her lightly by the shoulder before finally looking at his watch. 

“Oh shit, we better get back. Gotta get you to bed, don’t even wanna know what you’ll be like in the morning if I let you stay out any longer.” 

. . .

“You look like shit.”

“Thanks, Styles, just what every girl wants to hear. Such a way with words.” YN shoved him a bit as she came up next to him at the coffee station during breakfast. 

His face broke out in a smile, dimples and all, as he finished stirring his coffee. She rolled her eyes, reaching toward the stack of coffee cups. But he pushed her arm aside. 

“Here, I made this for you. Figured you’d need it after last night... plus I noticed there was only a drop of that non-dairy creamer you like left.” 

YN felt a soft smile break out across her face, and she recognized a look in Harry’s eyes that she had seen in the past but couldn’t quite decipher. 

“Thanks, H.” 

“Of course.” 

It was quiet between them for a moment, but not in an uncomfortable way. She just so genuinely appreciated him and the things he would do for her. The little things - like making her coffee exactly the way she liked it because he was worried the creamer would run out prior to her getting there. Or making sure she got to bed on time to get enough sleep. Checking in whenever he could tell she was feeling sad, or planning a fun day off for the two of them because he knew she needed it. One time in the winter he even ordered a delivery meal for her, from all the way across the ocean. He always took such good care of her. 

“Scuse me,” Niall pushed his way in between them, breaking YN out of her thoughts. 

Harry grabbed another cup to make his own coffee, which he took with no creamer and only one sugar. YN shifted her weight to one side as she watched him, realizing that if he didn't use a creamer, he had no reason to notice that it was almost empty. Maybe the bottle was in his way and we went to move it and that’s how he noticed? Or maybe whoever had made coffee right before told him it was running low?

They walked together to sit at the end of a table, their campers a good six feet away and too preoccupied with each other to notice or care what their counselors were doing. 

YN took a sip of her coffee, looking across the table at Harry again. She might look like a disaster after a bit of drinking the previous night, but he looked as perfect as ever. His hair looked fluffy and soft, curls in the front highlighted by the summer sun and reminiscent of cinnamon rolls. His eyes were bright, and focused, and didn’t have any bags. And his shirt displayed his broad shoulders and muscular yet comforting arms in precisely the perfect way. It wasn’t fair, really, that he could be up late drinking and still look like that in the morning. 

She knew she had been a little loose-lipped that night, and it’s not that she didn’t trust him. It’s just that... she never meant for him to know some of those things. He didn’t need to know that no guy had ever gotten her off, or that she thought of him while she touched herself sometimes. They were good friends, of course, but even still there were some things you always keep to yourself. 

“So about last night...” she started, softly so no one could overhear them. Harry raised his brows, urging her to continue. “That stuff we said...it stays between us, right?”

“‘Course,” Harry answered easily, taking another sip of his own coffee. “You can always trust me, you know that.” 

“I know it’s just...” she sighed, looking away from him for a moment. “I never really meant to tell you those things. I said it because I was... well... your surprise and all..” She didn’t want to say out loud that she was a bit drunk, just in case a camper or other staff could overhear her. It would be grounds for getting fired. 

“YN,” he started softly. “It’s ok. I won't tell anyone anything. Hey, look at me.” He tipped his head to the side, reaching his hand across the table to rest on hers in an attempt to draw her attention back to him. “I’m on your team, always.” 

She could feel herself blush at that, but she couldn’t make herself look away. His eyes were so clear and gentle, and she knew he meant every word he was saying. It wasn’t that she doubted he would keep her secrets, it was just that she needed reassurance that everything was going to be ok. That nothing had changed between them and he wouldn’t treat her any differently. That he valued her the same way he always had, and always would. His answer went further than that, though, telling her she could rely on him always. His words, the look in his eyes, the way he spoke to her outside her cabin a couple of nights ago, it’s like he was telepathically giving her a giant, warm, cozy hug. She desperately wanted one for real, but knew this wasn’t the time or place. 

Before their conversation could go any further, one of YN’s campers came up to her asking to be taken to the infirmary. 

“Duty calls.”

As they walked away, the camper whispered “are you dating him though? You can tell me, I’ll keep it a secret, I promise!”

. . .

“Nah, you’re way too good for Niall. Trust me, I saw him wear the same underwear two days in a row once,” Harry laughed. 

It was later in the morning, and both YN and Harry’s cabins were having their turn at the ropes course. On the short hike through the trees, the two of them walked side by side, chatting as always. He had asked her if she had her eye on anyone this summer - she didn’t really, but she started listing other counselors that she thought were cute enough. Apparently, she gave the wrong answer. 

“You asked who I thought was cute though - and he is. That doesn’t mean I’m like, in love with him or gonna make a move or anything.” 

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt. Want you to be happy. And he’d make you happy for a few minutes but not... not much longer.” 

“So you’re saying he can’t last?” 

“No! I’m saying - are you running out of breath?”

They were almost halfway there, and YN started getting tired and her breathing sped up. Harry noticed right away. 

“Drink some water, babe,” he told her. 

“Forgot my water bottle.” 

“Have some of mine.”

When they arrived at the ropes area, the boys and girls split off to do their activities separately. It started with team-building activities for the kids on the ground, getting them comfortable with some of the equipment and learning to work together. The boys were having trouble, arguing with each other so Harry, Niall, and Adam, the ropes staff, kept having to cut in and calm them down. But YN’s girls were in their own little world, working through the problems together and finishing some of them in record time. 

That’s how the girls ended up getting to climb the rock wall, climbing tower, and actual ropes course first. And everything was going well for a while - the climbing wall wasn’t very tall and there was a lower point on the tower that the kids could stop at if they were really afraid of heights. Plus they were secure in harnesses and connected to ropes managed by some pretty strong staff members. 

It was the on ropes course itself that there was some trouble. It hung up high in the trees, roughly 30 feet above where they were standing. The ropes were old, and from the distance, the kids thought they looked a bit worn down. Plus, the first section required partner work, and even with the team building and safety measures, most of the kids were pretty worried. YN reassured them over and over again that if they could do the earlier team-building activities together, then working with a partner to walk across the rope bridge should be a piece of cake! But it was to no avail. 

Then Adam had the amazing idea of putting YN in a harness and having her demonstrate to the campers how to do it. He had to stay on the ground as part of the safety rules, Sarah was on her hour off, and she couldn’t be partners with a camper, so that’s how she and Harry ended up perched on top of a poll, 30 feet or so off the ground, attached with carabiners and ropes. 

YN held onto the pole so tightly, her knuckles were turning white. She kept looking down, even though she knew not to. And Harry could see the way she was nervously shaking her leg. 

“You’re not actually afraid of doing this, are you?” he asked her softly, so no one on the ground could hear. 

YN shrugged. It wasn’t that she was afraid of heights, per se, and she knew if she fell the harness and ropes system would catch her. But the ropes course hadn’t existed when she was a camper and she had never actually tried it. They had the chance during staff training week before the campers arrived, but she and Harry opted to test out some of the new guitars instead. She had no real reason to be afraid, but the concept of a ropes course, in general, is quite daunting. 

Harry’s face dropped when he realized that she was, in fact, a bit scared. He reached out, touching her arm lightly to get her attention. 

“Hey, it’s ok. I’m right here. I’ll never let anything happen to you, ok?” 

His voice was soft but strong, and YN found herself holding her breath for a moment before finally releasing it and nodding her head. Harry would be right there. He would be holding her and guiding her across the bridge, and everything would be ok. 

“Dream Team, right? We can do anything. We can do this,” he assured her again. 

“Ok...yeah...ok.” She didn’t sound very convincing, not even to herself. And she could tell from the look on Harry’s face that he wasn’t convinced either. But Adam called out from down below and started giving Harry directions on how to get to the platform in the middle of the bridge. 

He looked at her one last time, taking a deep breath and following the instructions. She didn’t want to look down, so instead she focused on his arms, muscles working hard as he lifted himself further up the pole, across a hanging log, and back down to the platform. 

“Now there’s nowhere for her to put her hands for balance,” Adam explained from the ground. “So Harry is going to have to do that for her. Harry!” he called out. “Put out your hands so she can reach for them, and YN go ahead and step onto the first rope on the bridge.”

Looking down at her feet, YN could feel herself becoming nauseous. It was a long way down, and even if the ropes caught her the harness was really uncomfortable, and it would be so embarrassing in front of the kids. She silently wished she hadn’t agreed to this, not realizing how intimidating it would be until she was already at the top of the pole and it was too late. 

“YN,” Harry whispered, arms stretched out in front of him. “I’ve got you.” 

She took a deep breath and used one leg to test the first rope of the bridge. There was some slack, and she would definitely be needing Harry’s help. That was the point of the activity, after all. Placing each of her hands in his, she looked back up at him.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” she asked

“Always.” 

Nodding her head, she took the first step. YN wobbled quite a bit, but Harry’s strong arms stayed constant to support her. His hands were warm and solid, comforting and secure. With her feet spread wide, she was able to find her balance and control her breathing. He squeezed her hands, causing her to look up so he could smile at her. 

“See how she’s distributing her weight across the rope and not in one spot?” Adam pointed out the campers, who all nodded. “And he’s got his knees bent for a stronger stance so he can give her extra support. Alright, YN, whenever you’re ready you can take the next two steps and get to the center platform.”

Lost in a trance, YN was staring at the ropes in front of her, part of her brain trying to figure out how to approach the next challenge and part of it was trying to convince herself that she was going to be ok.

“The first one’s always the hardest,” Harry insisted, drawing her attention back to him. “Everything from here is easy.” 

They worked together, her relying heavily on his strong, sturdy arms to make her way across. With each step, she got closer to him. Her hands moved from his hands to his forearms. She could feel how tense his arms were, but his face looked so relaxed. His soft, warm skin supported her as she moved to the third rope, hands now moving to his biceps. And she knew he was strong, she knew he had muscles, but she had never taken the time to really appreciate them and feel them in this way. His upper arms were dense and sturdy, and her grasp didn’t fit as far around them as she expected. Finally, she reached for his shoulders and made it to the center platform, letting out a sigh of relief.

That was, until she realized exactly how small that platform was, clearly built for children and not for two grown adults. 

“Here lemme just...” 

Harry placed his hands on her waist, pulling her close to him and then rotating them both to get her across to the other side of the small platform. He was focused, looking down at their feet as she trusted him to maneuver their bodies. 

Down below, YN could barely make out Adam explaining something to kids. She took a moment and looked into Harry’s eyes. When he finished rotating them, he looked up at her and smiled.

“See, Dream Team.” 

“Yeah,” she let out a huff. “Something like that.” 

Her hands rested softly on his shoulders still, his securely on her waist. The entire fronts of their bodies were touching from their chests all the way down to their toes. He held her close to him, and she wasn’t entirely sure if they needed to be as close as they were. But she didn’t mind, and judging by his soft smile, neither did he. 

“I’ve got you, YN. You know that, right? I’ve always got you.” 

She nodded her head, taking another breath and looking behind her at the other half of the bridge. If she did the first half she could surely do the second. It would just be a bit more difficult with Harry behind her rather than in front of her.

“Alright guys!” Adam shouted up at them. “Good job switching positions but now YN needs to turn around so she’s facing the second side of the bridge!”

YN felt Harry’s hands, still on her waist, as he turned her around. Their bodies still touched as they were confined to the small space, and she could swear she could feel his breathing on the back of her neck. He squeezed her lightly.

“Call me selfish,” he started, just loud enough for her to hear but not loud enough for anyone on the ground, “But I’m so glad I was here to be your partner. Wouldn’t want anyone else holding you close like this.” 

She swallowed hard. What was that supposed to mean? Did he really enjoy holding her close? Did she like the way it felt to be close to him? Blood rushed up to her cheeks and she was grateful that she was already facing away from him so he wouldn’t be able to see.

Before she could respond, Adam called up to them, instructing how to take the next step off the platform. 

She didn’t really pay much attention to anything that happened after that, risking her own safety to flip his words over and over in her head. Hours later and she still couldn’t get the comment out of her mind. Wouldn’t want anyone else holding you close like this. Why would he say that? Would someone else holding her close mean that Harry would get jealous? Wouldn’t want anyone else holding you close like this. Did she like being close to him like that? Did he like it just as much? Wouldn’t want anyone else holding you close like this. After all those years as friends, as pretty much the only girl he never tried to get with, did something change? 

She thought about it when he cheered for her after she made it to the end of the ropes course, a task she couldn’t have completed without him, literally. And she thought about it when he sat at the top of the waterslide during pool time, counting 15 seconds in between each kid to keep them safe and listening as they called silly things out to hear the echo. She thought about it again when she convinced her most stubborn camper to take a shower because honestly, people were starting to notice. Then she thought about it when supervising field time and watching Harry teach some of the boys how to properly throw a frisbee. She even thought about it when the kids were at their elective time and the counselors were in their daily team staff meeting with Mitch going over the schedule for the next day.

And it was still on her mind when the meeting ended and their daily hour off started. She walked up to Harry out of instinct, but soon realized she didn’t quite know what to say. Which was quite out of character for her, since she and Harry had pretty much never run out of things to talk about. They had talked earlier about sneaking into the kitchen and stealing some of the good snacks ahead of distrubution, but she had other more urgent things on her mind. Biting her lip, she looked up at him. But before she could get anything out, he stopped her.

“I’m just gonna take some time to myself in the cabin today if you don’t mind postponing our snack burglary,” he teased. 

“Oh, yeah,” she said softly. “Enjoy yourself.” 

This of course left YN with an entire hour to herself, which normally was something she relished, but on this day she so desperately wanted to be distracted and stop thinking of what he had told her. Harry was her best friend, and she shouldn’t be spiraling over something as simple as this. A few words shouldn’t be affecting her this much. 

They hadn’t always been this close, though. Both started going to camp when they were pretty young, at an age where the girls and the boys didn’t really mingle all that much. She knows for a fact that they were in the same age group for several summers, but she had absolutely no memory of him ever existing. 

Then they got a bit older, and middle school came around. YN does have memories of Harry during this time, but they were mostly from a distance. He was always so cool and exciting and popular, and she was just kind of there. He was foreign and had an accent and fluffy hair and sparkly eyes, and she just kind of existed. Harry was always kind to her, but not in a way that was any different from how he treated everybody. He was always helping people when they fell down or thanking the lunch ladies even if they made burnt grilled cheese for the third time in a row. 

It was in high school when things started to change. Harry went from being only that sweet, cute, British boy over there to being the one all the girls - and some of the boys - were fawning over. YN knows for a fact that he was at least three different girls’ first kiss in one summer, because she was actually present when all three happened (truth or dare, at a campfire, and behind a tree while they were supposed to be playing capture the flag). And if she remembered correctly, Harry soaked it all up. He didn’t brag, the other boys did enough of that for him. But he preened in the attention and accepted his role.

It was after YN had resigned to ignore her quiet little crush and make friends with Harry that they got so close. And eventually, they were practically inseperable. Harry even helped YN decide on a college, and then classes, and then a major. He never told her what to do but he was a great listener and always asked the right kinds of questions to get her thinking until she could come up with an answer she was confident in. He reminded her that school and work would never be her entire life, but they would be the way that she spends a lot of her time. And no one should spend that amount of their time miserable. And that was really the theme - he just wanted to make her happier. He pushed her to go out with friends more often and go on spontaneous adventures and learn about things she was actually passionate about - all from thousands of miles away. 

In the past two years, they had spoken nearly every day - either over the phone or by texting, though Harry always preferred to actually hear her voice. They would stay on the phone until late at night talking about whatever was on their minds and on more than one occasion YN had a roommate bang on the wall to get her to quiet down. Sometimes she even got to fall asleep to the sound of his voice. They talked about their days, or their jobs, or their families. They talked about the universe like they used to do under the stars at camp. They talked about relationships and what they wanted in a partner. She knew all about his girlfriend, who he was really smitten with for a long time. They had no real secrets between them, none that she knew of anyway. Besides, she had kind of spilled the beans in the only category she was really keeping to herself the other night after drinking. 

And if they didn’t have any secrets, then it should be easy to have a conversation with him about what he said up on the ropes course, right? She should be able to walk right into his cabin and say “Hi Harry, What did you mean when you said you wouldn’t want anyone else holding me close? Has something changed between us?” 

So without thinking over it any harder, she marched right down to his cabin with the intention to do just that. Walked down to the boys’ village where she wasn’t technically supposed to be (but there were no campers around so it was fine) and threw open the door without knocking. No secrets. 

Except, maybe they should have some secrets. Like it probably could have stayed a secret that Harry had his cock in his hand, his computer beside him playing a video, and soft moans coming out of his mouth. YN probably didn’t need to know that he was turned on by watching a video of shower sex. Or that he liked to alternate between fast and slow strokes. Or that he spit directly on his dick for lubrication. 

YN probably could have gone her whole life without knowing those things. 

But it was too late. By the time she yelled “Oh my god!” and turned around with her eyes closed, she already knew too much. 

Harry slammed his computer shut and yelled out several expletives. She could hear him moving around on his bed searching for his shorts and pulling them on. And then she could hear silence. 

A silence that had never really existed between them before. And it lasted for what seemed like an eternity. 

Eventually, Harry coughed. “You uh... you can turn around, if you’d like.” 

He sounded scared. 

YN took a deep breath before turning around, waiting another couple of seconds, and finally opening her eyes. The view in front of her this time was much more than what she was used to - Harry, sitting on his bed, fully clothed, fluffing his pillow to give himself something to do. It still wasn’t completely normal, as she couldn’t help but notice he was still completely hard beneath the loose-fitting shorts, which were doing nothing to try to hide that fact anyway. 

At first, she opened her mouth to speak, but nothing really came out. She wanted to say she was sorry. She wanted to pretend none of this ever happened. She wanted to make a bad joke that would distract them from the issue at hand and allow them to move on without discussing it further. But that’s not what she said. 

When she finally spoke, she only mustered up, “Were you just touching yourself?” 

“No,” Harry deadpanned. 

Which, like, was obviously a joke but considering the situation YN was too afraid to say anything. 

“YN you literally told me last night that this is the time in the day where you do this. I told you I wanted to spend some time alone and you didn’t put that together?” 

“Well, I... I was thinking about other things,” she admitted with a shrug. 

She looked up at Harry, desperately trying not to look at his lower half but it was a pretty tall order. He raised a brow, asking her to continue. 

“I was thinking about you...” she started. And she was going to say she was thinking about what he said earlier in the day, she really was. But he jumped in first. 

“So was I... about you! I mean. Not myself. That would be... I have an ego but it’s not that bad.” 

And that... was definitely not what YN was expecting to hear. 

“Really? Me? While you were...?” she asked softly, feeling somehow afraid of the answer. Because if he really was thinking about her, that meant even more than his little remark on the rope bridge. It would mean that they had both thought of each other in that moment. It could mean... a lot. 

Harry shrugged, “yeah.” And it wasn’t fair, really, that he was able to brush this off like no big deal and she was still standing there feeling like there was a spotlight pointed directly at her with a ticking time bomb getting ready to go off somewhere in the background. 

“Oh,” was all she managed to get out. 

“It doesn’t have to be weird... you told me yesterday you thought about me so I figured...” 

“No, yeah, I mean. Not weird at all,” she lied. 

“Ok, good.” Harry let out a big sigh, looking down at himself. “I uh... I’m kinda...” 

“Oh, right, yeah. I’ll um... I’ll let you take care of that. I’ll see you... later?” 

She started to leave, but not without hearing Harry under his breath say “Maybe you’ll help me out next time.” 

. . .

That night for cabin time, YN and Sarah tried to wear out the campers by having a glow stick dance party. Unfortunately, all it seemed to do was rile them up further. The amount of energy stored inside 11 and 12-year-olds' bodies seemed limitless. And the little one broke a glow stick and got it all over her fingers, which meant she got it all over her bed, which meant YN had to spend 20 minutes helping her clean it before turning out the lights. 

It felt like it took ages for them to actually quiet down and start to go to sleep. She had to resort to playing an old meditation story so they would at least stay quiet enough to hear and hopefully, maybe, eventually drift off. While the story was playing Sarah left for her night off and YN stayed behind on bedwatch. She heard the walkie click three times - her code with Harry that it was time to chat - but the girls were definitely still awake so she had to wait. To kill the time, she cleaned up the floor, refolded her clothes, and pushed her suitcase further under her bed. Anything to give her something to do so her mind wouldn’t wander too far. 

This day had been... a lot. Just in 24 hours, YN felt as if everything had changed between her and Harry, and she was terrified of it. A new door had opened in their relationship and she still didn’t know what any of it meant. 

The meditation story eventually ended, and YN let out a breath of relief when she could hear the sounds of steady breathing. To be safe, she turned on another story as she grabbed her walkie and carefully slipping out the door. 

She took her seat just outside the cabin, checking to make sure no one was within earshot, and clicked the walkie three times, biting her lip as she waited for a response. YN had never been this nervous to talk to Harry. Everything was always so easy with him. Conversation came naturally and she trusted him so deeply. But now, everything was confusing. 

It wasn’t long until Harry’s soft, calming voice came across the radio. 

“Hey darlin’,” he whispered, likely sitting directly outside his own cabin. “Was afraid you weren’t gonna wanna talk to me tonight.”

YN furrowed her brows. “That’s crazy, H. Why wouldn’t I want to talk to you? Things get so boring here.”

“Oh so I’m only good for my entertainment value?”

“Obviously.”

She smiled softly. 

There were so many things YN wanted to say to him at that moment, but none of them seemed quite right. She was scared of what he might say, what might change, what all of it could mean. She was scared that he would be scared and then she would be alone again. So instead she figured the safer conversation would be the one she owed him anyway, which would remind him of where they really stood. 

“Anyway, I know I cut you off from talking about... her... last night, and that wasn’t really fair. So if you want to think out loud, or vent, or whatever, I’m here for you to do that tonight.” 

Harry sighed through the speaker. 

“Yeah I... I guess I probably should talk about her some, to get it out, right?” 

It was hard for YN to listen to Harry talk about his ex, but as his friend, she knew it was the right thing to do for both of them (because also maybe it would remind her not to get her hopes up too high about him). He had been carrying some of this around for so long, and she could see the look in his eyes when the campers asked him if he had a girlfriend and knew that he was still feeling some sort of pain. It had been over a month now since they broke up, but he had been sharing his concerns about her with YN for much longer. 

When they first got together, Harry seemed so genuinely happy. He was always telling stories of his time with her - going on adventures, seeing new places, meeting new people. She brought out something special in him that no one he had previously been with seemed able to do. He seemed relaxed around her and YN could hear his smile through the phone while he talked about her. He was happy, and so YN was happy for him. 

Harry would acknowledge that something changed around the time Camille’s lease was up and she started suggesting either moving in together or moving out of town. But he didn’t know that making that decision was just the start of it. He didn’t know that Camille had called YN up one day (Harry had given them each other’s numbers and they texted occasionally, but only in reference to him) and practically threatened her to stay away from Harry. She claimed YN was taking up too much of Harry’s time and it wasn’t normal for someone in a relationship to be that close and talk that often with another girl. She was convinced he was “emotionally cheating” on her with YN. 

And to be honest, YN was a bit intimidated by Camille at first. She had a strong presence, a loud voice, and sounded serious on the phone. But when Harry called her the next day, she realized how ridiculous that was. Anyone who supports Harry should support all of him, including his other friendships and relationships. Hell, YN was supporting his relationship with Camille because it made him happy. So she wasn’t surprised that shortly after that conversation, Harry started mentioning things getting weird between the two of them. 

When he flat out rejected the idea of moving in together (“six months is a long time but it’s also not that long. Not long enough to make entire life decisions based on”) Camille was furious. She still tried to convince him to move out of town with her, and he did seriously consider it for a while. He felt pretty selfish when he decided to stay, but YN would remind him that if he was making a decision based on what he thought would make him happiest, then he had no reason to feel anything but confident in his choice. 

Apparently, that wasn’t enough for Camille to end things with him, but she definitely held onto the anger. They stopped going on dates, stopped seeing friends together, and their conversations ran stale. Harry complained to YN that she had turned into a fuck buddy, the exact habit he was trying to escape. She would come over, eat dinner, watch an episode of tv, fuck, and then leave without so much as a cuddle. That was the hardest part for YN to hear about - their sex life. He never went into detail but even the fact that he acknowledged it existing was difficult to hear - partially because of her old crush and partially because of her own lack of sex life. 

“I’m so glad camp started when it did,” he admitted. “I don’t think I would’ve had the courage to leave her otherwise.” 

“Sure you would’ve,” YN insisted. “You always do what you know is right.” 

“Maybe...” he sounded pensive. “Sometimes I... sometimes I miss out on opportunities and regret it later.” 

“Like what?” 

“Like... well it’s not important. The point is she went from being my girlfriend to a fuck buddy and it sucked.” 

“Hey - at least she sucked in a good way, right?” YN teased. 

Harry groaned on the other end. 

“That was terrible.” 

“I know, but I’m absolutely not sorry at all.” 

“Ok but, the last thing I want to think about right now is doing that with... her. I’d much rather talk about you.” 

“What about me? We talked about my sexual shortcomings last night, there’s not much else you don’t already know.” 

“Just... tell me what’s on your mind? I’m done talking about her. She’s old news and honestly, I feel like a robot when I talk about her now. I miss having a person, but I don’t miss her. ‘Sides, you’re my person now.” 

He said it so easily, it wasn’t even fair. YN was grateful that he couldn’t see her and the way the blood rushed to her cheeks as he admitted that she was his person. The sentiment wasn’t anything new, but hearing him say it so bluntly like that... brought back her swirling thoughts from earlier in the day. 

“There’s a lot on my mind.”

“Like what?” 

YN took a deep breath. They were beyond the point of no return, there was nothing she could say to him that would be any more embarrassing than anything that they had experienced in the last day. So she might as well be honest. 

“Been thinking a lot about you, H.”

“Oh. Like.. have you been...after you saw me were you....doing it and...”

“No!” she quickly cut him off, knowing what he was insinuating. “Not that I wouldn’t...or that I would? I just... ugh.” 

Harry chuckled through the walkie. “It’s alright YN, tell me what you were thinking then.” 

“Was thinking... well, earlier I was thinking about what you said this morning, on the ropes. That you wouldn’t want anyone else to hold me close. What.... what did you mean?” 

“I meant... I meant what I said. Had an excuse to hold you close, and if I saw anyone else doing that with you I would’ve... well... I don’t know, YN. I’m selfish, I get jealous, and you’re mine.” 

“I’m yours?” 

“Yeah, my person, my dream team, all that. Wanna just... just keep you all to myself sometimes, yeah?”

“Harry, we spend all day every day together.”

“I know. And I like that. I like... I like having you with me. You make me smile, and... you’re safe. And holding you close like that this morning... it was nice. Wanna do that more. But maybe on the ground and not 30 feet in the air with 20 little kids staring up at us,” he laughed at the end. 

YN let out a small laugh, but she was too deep in thought for it to sound genuine. 

“Does this mean... Harry, has something changed between us?” 

The silence while she waited for an answer seemed to last for an eternity. What had she done? Asking him so forward like that? But everything he was saying, it was so... sweet. And it made the butterflies in her tummy flutter bigger than they had in years. Her mind was swirling with possibilities, the good and the bad. 

He liked holding her close. Would he hold her close in bed, for a nice cuddle? Would he stroke his hands through her hair while they watched tv? Would he squeeze her too tight in his sleep, just by instinct, forcing her to wiggle away from him? What if her wiggling woke him up? Would he have a cute, sleepy, pouty face as he opened his eyes, grabbing his hands out to nothing until she relented and moved back into his grasp? Would he kiss her goodnight before tucking his head into her neck and letting out soft little snores? 

Or would he be completely appalled and offended that she had even asked the question? Maybe he would laugh and say something to remind her that he would never see her romantically. She could never be more than a friend to him, always having to push her little crush into the back of her mind so it wouldn’t bother anyone. Because that’s what it was, wasn’t it? An embarrassing little childhood crush that had never quite faded away. He would connect the dots, after her admission last night, and the questions she asked him today, and he would no longer feel so safe and comfortable with her. He would put space between them like they were young again and she would lose her best friend. 

“Of course not, don’t be silly. I’ve always felt this way about you, YN, you should know that. Well, maybe not always but a really long time.” 

“Oh.” 

YN wasn’t quite sure what to make of that answer. He wasn’t exactly declaring his love for her, but he wasn’t pushing her away either. He was just... continuing on with what they already had. And that had to be good enough YN. 

She wanted to ask him what he meant about ‘feeling this way’. She wanted to ask what the future was going to look like. She wanted to ask if she was ever going to have a chance or if he would just be a soft, lovey-dovey best friend forever. 

But she didn’t ask. 

“Me too,” she responded softly instead of any of the questions running through her mind. 

“Good... I’m... I’m really lucky to have you in my life, YN.” 

In the short silence, she heard Niall’s voice distantly in the background from the radio.

“Ah, Niall’s back. Should probably head to bed anyway. See you in the morning.” 

“Yeah...see you.” 

YN went back into the cabin then, closing the door as softly as she could. But as soon as she did, one of the campers sat straight up. 

“YN!” she whisper-shouted.

“Shh... you’ll wake everyone up. What do you need?”

The camper rubbed her eyes before answering. “You were talking to Harry.” 

“Yes...” 

“I don’t know what he said, but I heard his voice. He has a nice voice...” 

“Yes, he does,” YN smiled. “But it’s late. Harry went to sleep and I’m going to now. You should be asleep too.”

“Ok,” she answered softly, lying back down on her bed. 

YN made her way to her bed, changed into her pajamas, and got under the covers. But she didn’t sleep. How could she, with Harry’s words running through her head? Instead, she spent the night tossing and turning, rolling around in her bed and desperately trying to shake her thoughts free. That night, she was up later than the time the campers wanted to pull an all-nighter.

. . .

Looking back, it would have been smart of YN to cut her conversation with Harry short, go to bed early, and get a good night’s sleep. She would have smiled while thinking back on a conversation about mundane nothingness, snuggled under her warm blanket that she brought from home, and drifted away into an easy dreamland for eight hours. Maybe she would have even dreamed something sweet about Harry, something mixed in with crazy dream logic like maybe he was holding her close and teaching her to fly off a cliff so they could escape the crazy ostriches chasing them through the forest. That would have been nice. 

But no, that’s not what YN did. She had a conversation that left her more confused than she started, and she hardly got any sleep. Rolling over every five minutes and never truly able to get comfortable, she struggled all night. Her body would not let her relax. Her feet kept tapping and her mind kept swirling and her leg was really itchy for some reason. 

All in all, she probably got four hours of good sleep that night. And normally, she would have been able to make do, maybe take a nap during her hour off, take it easy for the day. But that wasn’t possible as she was woken by excited screaming and pounding on the doors and windows. 

Somehow, YN had forgotten that it was Color Wars day. And when the realization hit her, it came with the extra weight of remembering that she was supposed to be a team captain. Blue Team - which it turned out was different from the team her campers would be on because they were assigned separately, which made the morning quite complicated. 

The kids were excited, jumping out of bed as they searched through their clothes for something red to wear to represent their team color. They were eagerly chatting and Sarah had to remind them to brush their teeth because they were just so excited. 

Meanwhile, YN rolled out of bed slowly, groaning as her aching body moved and her eyes adjusted to the light in the room. Why had she agreed to be a team captain? This day was practically a day off for most of the staff - not having to shepherd the kids from one place to another, most of the responsibility landing on the team captains and the teenagers. And then she remembered that Harry had talked her into it a few weeks ago. The original idea was to be team captains together, but then Mitch thought it would be funnier to make them compete, and now YN was going to spend her entire day opposing Harry instead of lounging around with him. 

It didn’t help her mood that the wake-up call of screaming teenagers came 30 minutes earlier than the usual alarm so that the teams could congregate prior to breakfast and start the day with energy. So with less sleep, more on her mind, and no real enthusiasm, YN trudged her way to the amphitheater where she made sure her campers were seated with their team and she took to the stage with the other captains. 

Harry was already there, all dressed in red complete with a red cowboy hat and sunglasses. YN smiled to herself, knowing the girls would love being on his team for the day. Next to him stood Niall, YN’s co-captain for Blue Team. Niall was always sweet, and always had so much energy, so he would be a great captain in that respect. But she knew that he would get lost up in the excitement of everything and YN would end up being the one to count the kids and make sure everything actually ran smoothly. 

Music was playing loudly in the background (too loudly for so early in the morning, if you asked YN, not that anyone did) and the kids were all dancing in their seats. When it was time for the team captains to introduce themselves, Harry of course went first. 

“I’m Harry and I’m your Red Team captain! And Red Team is going to win because we’re on fire!” The girls on the benches screamed after him, giggling to each other about how they would get to spend the whole entire day with him. He had way too much energy for someone who had the same conversation the night before as YN did. It wasn’t fair. 

“I’m YN and I’m the Blue Team captain! And Blue Team is going to win because we’re the coolest!” Niall came up after her and sprayed his entire water bottle on the Blue Team campers in the front row. 

At breakfast, YN made a beeline for the coffee station. She was going to need more than one cup if she was going to survive this day. The coffee machine was slow, so she stood there for a few minutes surveying the room, eventually making eye contact with Harry. He smiled wide and walked over to join her. 

“Y’alright?” he asked, wrapping his arm around her in a short hug. 

“Yeah,” she sighed.

“Y’look like sleeping is your next sport.”

“I’d lose at that too,” she told him with a sigh. “Couldn’t sleep last night. Gonna need extra coffee to get through this day.” 

“Really? The Color Wars energy doesn’t just... run through your veins and make you go crazy?” he teased. 

YN snorted. “Not exactly, Styles, no.” 

He dropped it, grabbing a cup to make his own coffee for the morning before changing the conversation. 

“Why couldn’t you sleep? We weren’t up all that late.” 

She shrugged. “Had a lot on my mind after...” She drifted off, not exactly sure how to finish her sentence. But he nodded anyway, understanding. 

“We gotta work on that - make sure you’re sleeping good at night. S’not healthy to not sleep... plus you get so cranky, pain in my ass.” 

YN playfully whacked him on his arm.

“I’m just being honest, looking out for ya,” he shrugged. 

They sat together for breakfast, ignoring the fact that the teams were supposed to be divided in the dining hall. But no one tried to separate them. They talked as they ate their rubbery pancakes, laughing over old memories and new camper stories. 

And then Harry stopped. He looked at her with his head cocked to the side and reached out to her face. With his fingertip, he brushed just under her eye.

YN held her breath. 

“Y’got an eyelash,” he said softly, sitting back down but holding the lash on his fingertip for her to see. “Make a wish.”

She closed her eyes, thinking for a moment and then blowing the lash away. When she opened them again, Harry was looking at her with a gentle smile. 

The moment was interrupted by Mitch handing them their schedules for the day. They were disappointed to realize the only hour in the day they would have together was capture the flag in the late afternoon - which they would also be required to participate in. That meant YN had to spend the whole day giving off fake energy for a day she didn’t really care about and Harry wouldn’t even be there to cheer her up or keep her going. It also meant more time for memories of the conversation last night to take hold in her mind and no way to clear anything up with him. 

She did her best to grit her teeth and make it through. To the best of her ability, she did what she could to ensure that none of the kids knew she was dreading every moment of this day. With a smile on her face at all times, she kept campers of all ages engaged and excited and pretended like someone was actually keeping score of who was winning all the sports and games. (Yes, games. There were complaints last year that sports-only was not inclusive enough so this year they included things like competitive Apples to Apples and water pitcher chugging contests.) 

And although YN didn’t exactly have a companion directly by her side all day like usual, she had to admit, being paired up with Niall for the day wasn’t so bad. She was mostly right about him being sweet and kind and full of energy. She was also right about her having to do most of the logistics and responsibility aspect of the job, but she was ok with that. He kept up the energy and she made sure no one got killed and for the most part, things seemed to be going smoothly. Only three kids had been taken to the infirmary and only one of those kids was actually injured in a way that made her nervous, so she considered that a pretty big win.

Lunch wasn’t so bad either. It was a tradition that the campers had to be silent at lunch on Color Wars day, and only the team captains could speak. That meant she couldn’t sit down and have a regular conversation with Harry because everyone could hear everything she was saying, but it meant that she got to call across the giant room to Niall and wave and make jokes about how the Blue Team was going to win. And he wasn’t Harry, but Niall definitely made her laugh quite a bit. 

By the afternoon, YN was more exhausted than ever, but her mood was a little better than it had been in the morning. With a handful of fun moments under her belt, and a break from her own cabin of campers, the day hadn’t been a total loss after all. But then she twisted her ankle playing basketball causing her team to lose, and she caught three different sets of campers making out behind a fence, and her grumpiness came right back. 

So when it was time for capture the flag against Red Team with Harry, YN was both annoyed in general with her day and relieved to at least get to see him. But they couldn’t even play on the same team since they were opposing team captains, which only made her crankier. Plus, YN had never seen her campers so engaged in an activity as they were when they were listening to Harry describe the strategy for the game. Which totally wasn’t fair because they never listened to her if she tried to give instructions or remind them to shower or quiet down at the end of lunch. 

The game started and kids from both teams started running around the field, tagging each other and guarding their flags. Harry was deeply invested in the game, or so it seemed. He stood at the border between the two sides and instructed the campers on who should run where, who should go up against who, and what their best possibility for actually getting the flag might be. 

YN, meanwhile, stayed back. She helped to guard Blue Team’s flag, which sat in the middle of a circle of bright orange cones. Her thinking was that most of the campers and staff would get tagged before they even got to her, so she wouldn’t really have to do all that much. She also thought that if she had a frown on her face or her brows were furrowed, no one would really notice because they wouldn’t really be looking at her, but looking past her to the flag itself.

When YN and Harry first made eye contact from across the field, his expression changed from one of determination to one of concern. He cocked his head to the side and mouthed “are you ok?” as best he could, and YN shrugged and nodded. He didn’t seem convinced, but a camper ran up to him to excitedly tell him a new possible strategy, and being the allstar counselor he was, Harry turned his attention to the child. 

After that, they caught each other’s gaze a few times from across the field, Harry’s devious smirk growing more pronounced each time. YN couldn’t quite figure out what it meant, so she pushed the thought away and continued in the game. So far, her strategy of staying back and putting in minimal effort was working, and she was rather proud of herself for that. Maybe she could get through this game without too much difficulty, finish off the day strong, put the kids to bed, and spend time in the lounge with Harry comparing their days through laughter. 

After the game had been going for nearly 30 minutes, campers were getting tired, and YN was checking her watch, she knew something big had to be coming soon. Harry was smart, and he wasn’t going to keep directing his team to be doing the same thing forever. Plus he noticed that YN wasn’t in the happiest of moods and if history meant anything, he would probably be doing something stupid to try and cheer her up pretty soon. 

YN was right, as she saw Harry circle up a group of campers (mostly her cabin, who were essentially attached to him all day). They broke up their huddle and spread out and Harry counted down from three, and that’s when all of them, including Harry, ran towards the Blue Team’s side of the field. Typically he would let a camper here or there catch him and send him back to the other side to give the illusion of success, but not this time. 

He swiftly dodged the many small hands reaching for him until he made it to the back side of the field. Standing in front of YN, his stance was crouched down a bit with bent knees and he looked at the game around him. His eyes then reached YN, who took his same stance mockingly.

“Think you can get past me, Styles?”

“Maybe.” His dimples were on full display.

“Can’t get the flag for yourself, gotta let a camper get it. Come on, thought you were better than this.” 

Harry shrugged. “Maybe I am.” 

He looked around again, and when he saw that several of his team’s campers had made it to the far end of the field with him, he called out to them “NOW!” 

One foot in front of the other, he ran directly at YN rather than trying to get around her.

“Harry what are you - HARRY!” she called out as he wrapped his arms around her waist, picked her up, and carried her over his shoulder and away from her guard post, legs kicking out and arms whacking his back. 

“Harry put me down!” she called out through a laugh. 

“NO! This is for Red Team!” 

He carried her as close to the edge of the field as he could before dropping to his knees, placing her on the ground on her back, and pinning her down. He sat on top of her, legs on either side of her hips. Smile on full display, dimples deeper than she had probably ever seen, and eyes bright and mischievous, he held her there giggling at his own strategy. 

YN was lost in his eyes at this point, no longer paying almost any attention to the game at hand. Later on, someone could tell her that actually a meteor had struck the middle of the field and everyone had passed out and she probably wouldn’t have noticed. She was too busy gazing up at the best view she had seen in ages - Harry’s excited, devious, cute face. 

“Let me go!” she called out, though she didn’t really mean it. 

“Never!” he answered. 

She started flailing her arms around, pushing on his shoulders in a last-ditch attempt to get him off of her, but he only grabbed her hands in his own and raised them above her head, pinning her down completely. He was bent over at the waist, their faces closer than before. They sat there for a moment then, both of them laughing. YN’s cheeks were starting to hurt from the strain of her own smile. 

But then something strange happened. Harry’s face dropped, and he suddenly looked much more serious. His gaze traveled to where their hands clasped together above her head, down to her face, along her torso, eventually making his way back up to her eyes. 

“Shit, can’t wait till we’re alone...so much I wanna do to you right now...” he whispered with a deeper inflection to his voice than usual. 

YN’s smile fell then too as her gaze traveled along his body, landing at the spot where they were connected but saying nothing. 

Harry closed his eyes for a moment before inhaling deeply and looking back at her. 

“Y’alright though? Didn’t hit the ground too hard did you?” he changed the subject.

“I’m fine, Harry,” she responded, still smiling. 

Harry nodded, looking away from her for a moment to gauge what was happening in the game. 

YN took her opportunity then, gathering her strength and rolling them both over in the grass until he was on his back and she was on top. Smiling back on her face, she bit down on her bottom lip as she took control of the situation. 

And maybe this wasn’t the smartest move YN could have made. Maybe rolling around in the grass until she was sitting on top of Harry, her center resting over his hips, hands held together next to his head, wasn’t the greatest thing to be doing in the middle of the day around a group of campers. And maybe relaxing her waist and putting more pressure on him when she already knew he was at least a little bit turned on wasn’t the most appropriate thing she could have done to her best friend. But she did it, and the look on his face when he closed his eyes tight and let out a breath was all the reward she needed. 

“Fuck, YN,” he groaned out, still quiet enough that no one else could hear but her. “Y’gonna kill me, y’know that?” 

She felt him then, solidly beneath her, right where she always secretly wanted him to be, and her eyes went wide at the realization of what she was feeling. 

“Shit Harry I - I’m sorry I’ll get up, I’ll -”

“No!” he cut her off. “If you... if you get up now then everyone will see that I’m...” 

“Oh... yeah lemme just...” she shifted her weight onto her knees so she was hovering above him then, quickly missing the sensation of him between her thighs but immediately feeling guilt over the thought of her best friend. 

“Just... just need a minute,” he told her, eyes squeezed tight. 

YN looked up then as she heard screaming from the other end of the field. Harry’s strategy had worked and one of the girls had carried the flag back to Red Team’s side leading to a celebration. 

“Think of Niall snoring,” she told him quietly, hoping it would solve his problem before they had to take over responsibilities as captains again. Her suggestion made him laugh. 

So, maybe the day hadn’t been a complete waste after all. YN was undoubtedly in a much better mood after their little moment on the field, which was a good thing considering neither blue or red won, but actually it was the green team who was announced as the winner of the day just ahead of dinner time. 

YN’s campers spent the evening telling her about their day with Harry. Apparently, he was significantly more fun than they realized, he helped them win lots of games and encouraged them. They were arguing over who got the most high-fives from him and the little one bragged that she even got to give him a hug! He was so muscly but also soft! And his arms were bigger than my face! YN smiled as she heard them recount their stories. Harry was always so good with the kids, knowing when to be kind and gentle, when to give some tough love, and when to make them laugh. 

“You’re so lucky you’re dating him, YN,” one of the campers said that night before bed. 

“I told you a million times, we’re not dating.” 

“Whatever... you spend a lot of time with him and he obviously likes you.”

“And we saw you fighting with him on the field during capture the flag! He was smiling with dimples and everything!” another one called out from her bunk. 

“I don’t know what you think you saw,” YN started, “but I’ve told you a million times, we aren’t dating.” 

She turned off the lights shortly after that, and luckily the kids were pretty wiped out after the exciting day. It was Sarah’s turn for bedwatch so YN changed into her comfy sweatpants and snuck out the door quietly. Harry hadn’t made a plan with her for that night, but she knew he would be off that night too, and likely in the staff lounge with most of the other counselors. 

The stars were bright that night, brighter than usual it seemed. YN almost walked into a tree three separate times on her way down to the staff lounge because she was so distracted by the shapes in the sky. She realized then that they never actually did any stargazing the other night. Maybe she could get Harry to join her in that tonight instead. 

She heared the laughter before she even opened the door of the small structure. Inside, something like ten other counselors were sitting in a circle, sharing snacks and laughing about their day. Harry’s face snapped to the door as soon as she opened it, his smile growing big across his face as he scooted over on the old couch to make room for her to sit next to him. YN could feel the tension releasing in her shoulders at the sight of him, realizing that she could have her buddy back and feel a little less alone again.

“YN, just in time!” Adam called to her from across the circle. “We were gonna start playing truth or dare.” 

“What are we, 15?” YN teased. 

Adam shrugged. “Maybe those teenagers got something right about a fun way to spend the night together.” 

Harry draped his arm around the back of the couch then, making space for YN to move in a bit closer to him. His body heat radiated off of him and warmed her on the chilly night. She wanted nothing more than to cuddle into him for real, rest her head on his chest and listen to his heart beat as he spoke soothing words to put her to sleep. Maybe his arm would come down from the couch and wrap around her to keep her securely next to him and he would give a kiss to the top of her head and she closed her eyes. 

YN visibly shook her head to get the thoughts to dissipate. 

The game started then, going around in a circle. It felt like they were teenagers again - daring each other to kiss and making each other share embarrassing stories or fantasies. Adam apparently had a thing for fucking doggy style and Niall admitted that he had hooked up with two girls in one day one time. 

When it was Harry’s turn, he picked truth. Adam started snickering right away. 

“I’ve got a good one,” he declared to the group. “Would you ever hook up with YN?” 

Her heart dropped. She didn’t want to hear the answer. If the answer was no, she would be at least a little heartbroken to know that she had absolutely no chance, and none of what he had been saying the past few days really held any weight. And it would be so completely embarrassing for that to come out in front of so manypeople, who would no doubt see her face fall a slightly and read into it and maybe realize that she kind of liked him and- 

Harry looked down at her with a soft smile before looking back at Adam across the room. He shrugged a bit, dropping his arm from the back of the couch down to rest around her shoulder. 

“Sure, why wouldn’t I?” He admitted. 

YN was a bit in shock, but she tried her best not to show it. She felt every muscle in her body tense up and her brain was on fire. 

The group around them started chatting and joking about the answer, and Harry leaned down to whisper into YN’s ear. 

“Are y’alright? That wasn’t too..?” 

“No... yeah... I’m...I’m good,” she told him with a forced smile. 

Harry dropped his brows. “Y’cold?” he asked, seemingly looking for an answer to why she seemed so uncomfortable. 

“No, I’m fine H.” 

“YN, it’s your turn!” someone called out, bringing her attention back to the group. 

“Um... truth I guess?” In all honesty, YN was a bit afraid after that last question that if she had chosen dare they would dare them to kiss and although she had imagined that moment a million times, she didn’t want it to happen like this. If it was going to happen, she wanted it to happen for real. 

“And you have to ask her a different question!” someone clarified. 

The group seemed to be thinking to themselves for a moment, trying to come up with a good question before Niall spoke up. 

“I got one - YN, tell us about the first time a guy made you cum?” 

She immediately felt the blood rushing to her cheeks as she looked down at her lap. Of course, she didn’t want to answer the question, but she didn’t want to cause a scene either. Maybe she could lie. Make up some guy from college who theoretically rocked her world and call it a day. But the point of the game was to tell the truth and she was shit at lying and a stickler for following the rules. The whole room was staring at her, the pressure intensifying with every second. She squeezed her toes, desperately wishing at that moment she could simply disappear and none of this would matter anymore. 

Harry’s arm flexed and held her tighter against him as he spoke up.

“She’s not gonna answer that one, ask something else,” he said. 

“That’s not fair, it’s the point of the game. Come on, we all shared,” Adam insisted. 

YN looked up at Harry, silently begging him to do something. And it was like he could read her mind. 

“I said she’s not answering. Either ask another one or we’re leaving.” His voice was deeper and stronger than usual, and all signs of his typical smile vanished completely from his face. 

“What, you’re not a virgin are you?” 

“No! I’m not it-it’s just...” she couldn’t find the strength to say anything. Luckily, Harry came to her defense again. 

He stood up suddenly, grabbing her hand in his and standing up suddenly.

“C’mon, we’re leaving. You don’t have to answer that,” he told her. “She’s not answering it,” he repeated again to the room as he started walking them towards the door.

She did her best to look apologetic to the rest of the group, but when they reached the night air outside and the door closed behind them she let out a sigh of relief. They walked down the hill a little way before Harry stopped, wrapping his arms around her neck and pulling her in close. He always knew exactly what she needed.

“Thank you, H,” she whispered into his chest, arms secured around his lower back. He was wearing an old cozy sweatshirt and she wanted to crawl up inside of it. 

His hand started to rub up and down her back. “Of course. Stays between us, right?” He reminded her of his promise the other day. “Still gonna make sure that happens for you this summer though.”

YN knew exactly what he was suggesting, and she felt herself blushing again as she considered Harry somehow fulfilling his promise to give her a partner-induced orgasm before the end of the summer. After everything he had said to her recently, she started to wonder what his plan was. She was grateful that her face was still hidden in their hug. 

“Now,” he started softly. “What are we going to do with the rest of our night? Hm?” 

YN released her arms from around his back, and Harry followed suit. 

“Well I realized we never actually did any stargazing the other night, and it’s so bright tonight I thought maybe we could -” 

“Yes!” Harry cut her off. “That sounds perfect. Don’t wanna walk all the way out to our spot though, mind if we go somewhere else?” 

YN agreed, and Harry took her hand to lead her to wherever it was that he had in mind. She expected him to let go after a few steps, but he didn’t. Instead, their hands dropped between them and he held onto her tight. His hand was large and warm around hers. Occasionally his thumb would rub up and down the back of her hand. 

The walk was nice, and peaceful. She always loved walking through camp at night but it was ten times better with Harry. In the quiet between them, she let her mind wander to happy memories of summers past. The time she watched Harry win a hotdog eating competition in the dining hall. The time she almost fell on her roller skates but Harry reached her right in time so he fell on his ass but she fell only on him. The time YN attempted to play frisbee with him on the field, but accidentally threw the disk into the forest and it took Harry 15 minutes to find it and come back. The time they discovered mint growing down by the creek and picked some to put in their water bottles. The time when they were kids and YN tried so hard to teach Harry to properly dive, but he was a terrible pupil and ended up smacking his face on the water every time. 

She had memories with other friends too, sure. But it was those moments with Harry - some special and some rather mundane - that stuck out to her the most. It was him she thought of when they passed each of those locations in the still night, bright stars overhead, and hands clasped together. 

“Can practically hear you thinking,” he broke the silence.

She looked up at him with a soft smile. “Yeah, but good things though. I promise.” 

Harry hummed in response as they turned the corner and reached the field. “Thought we could hike up to the cliff, stargaze from there. Know it’s dark but it’s not far and I’ve got a flashlight,” he suggested. 

She realized then that he must’ve been somehow planning this because he never carried anything with him that he didn’t absolutely need. YN agreed and followed him to the small trailhead at the corner of the field. They started hiking up the narrow path, hands never releasing from one another. 

They had hiked this trail dozens of times - a signature hike that was practically a requirement for any camper. But neither of them had ever done it at night. Harry led the way, scanning the trail with his flashlight and warning YN of rocks on the path or roots sticking up. He pushed low branches out of their way and tested the bigger rocks for stability, only allowing her to cross over them when he was convinced she would be safe.

Eventually, the trees parted way and opened up to a small clearing at the top of the cliff. From the edge, they could see the entire camp by the light of the moon. Harry stood behind her, holding her close with his arms around her middle, and she relaxed back into him. Her head rested on his chest and she let out a deep breath. 

“Don’t think I’ve ever been up here at night,” he whispered to her like it was a secret, even though they were alone. 

“Me neither.” 

YN was meant to be looking up at the stars, but she was so at peace in that moment she let her eyelids drop and soaked up the moment with Harry instead. He had said he liked holding her close, but she never truly appreciated how good it felt until this moment. If she could freeze time and live in one moment forever, she’s pretty sure she would choose this one. 

They were silent for a while, appreciating the moment together. Harry’s thumb stroked up and down her tummy a bit, and YN moved her hands to hold Harry’s arms. He was soft, and warm, and strong, and safe. The entire universe could melt away leaving just the two of them, and YN would still be happy to be standing there together. 

After a few minutes of quiet, she opened her eyes. Adjusting to the moonlight, she blinked a few times, letting out a contented sigh. 

“Harry?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I like when you hold me close too,” she admitted. 

“Good,” he answered. “Because I think I want to start doing it a lot more often.” 

YN turned around to face him without removing leaving his grasp. He had a pout, clearly disappointed that she was no longer resting up against him. 

She leaned her head back and looked up at him to ask, “What do you mean when you say those things, H? Like when you said you wanted to be everything for me, or you were selfish and I’m yours. Or on the field, you said you wanted to do things alone?”

Harry sighed, a smile on his face as he shook his head at her. “You ask all these questions, YN. Thought I was making it pretty obvious.” 

“Making what obvious?” 

“That... that I want you.” 

They were whispering, even though no one was within earshot. Harry used one hand on her lower back to press her closer to him, and lifted the other to rest his palm on the side of her face, his thumb rubbing softly at the apple of her cheek. 

“Want me how?” she asked, breathless. 

“Want you like this.” 

He looked down to her lips, then back up at her eyes. Closing the distance between them, his soft lips touched hers. The gesture was gentle, careful, both of them holding their breaths. She melted into his touch and reached out for his body bringing one hand to his hip and the other to his chest. When his lips began to move, her hand grabbed at the top of his shirt, bringing him in even closer. 

Harry took the lead in parting slightly, their lips still brushing as he spoke. 

“You’ve no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.” 

“Really? I... I never thought that you would want this... with me.”

He looked at her quizzically, head cocked to the side. “Why not?”

“Well... because you’re you, and I’m me,” she explained like it was obvious. 

“What does that mean?” 

“It means... Harry, you’re cute, and you’re sweet, and you have that accent, and you could get anyone you want. You kissed all my friends and never made a move on me so I just figured....”

“YN,” Harry started, shaking his head. “That is so... stupid. I never did that with you because... you were always worth too much to me. Those girls... I kissed them once and then never talked to them again. Or we hooked up a few times and then things got weird. I didn’t... even back then I knew you were more important than that, I didn’t want to lose you. Been thinking about this for years but you... you always turned me down.”

“Turned you down?” she asked, confused now. “You never even...”

“Babe, all those nights we went stargazing? You wouldn’t even touch my hand or give me a hug! I tried so many times but eventually, I just gave up and... I figured I’d rather have you as my friend than not have you at all. Or even the other night, outside your cabin. I told you I wanted to be everything for you, and you just hugged me and said I was a good friend.  I’ve always been here. I’ve been right here waiting for you.” 

YN was shocked at the revelation but did her best to hide it. 

“You are... everything to me. Really.”

“For so long I thought you would never see me as anything else,” he admitted to her. “But now that I know that you... I’m never going to let you feel alone, ever again. I promise.” 

“Well... let’s make up for lost time then.” 

He didn’t answer, only leaned back in and started kissing her again, this time with a little more force. His right hand supported her jaw while his left traveled down to her hips where he used his leverage to pull her in tighter against him. YN let out a little gasp when she felt her core right up against him, and he used the opportunity to slip his tongue between her lips. YN took to it naturally, her heart fluttering as he squeezed at her hip and let his other hand move back into her hair.  

“Harry,” she breathed out as he took a moment to catch his own breath. 

“I know,” he responded before diving back in.

They continued like that for a while, hands wandering, lips and tongues working together. She could’ve sworn she heard him let out a few little sounds, but it might have been a trick of her brain when some birds called out overhead. His body was warm, and cozy, and safe. And he was really good at what he was doing. 

A gust of wind passed over them, causing YN to shiver a bit. Harry stopped then, a look of concern on his face. 

“Y’cold? Can have my jacket if you want,” he offered. 

“No, I’d rather just... just keep holding me.” 

So he did. They stood there together, at the top of the cliff overlooking the whole camp, and held each other close - YN’s back leaning against Harry’s front and her head resting on his shoulder. Their breaths synced up and YN turned her attention to the sky, where it was meant to be all along. And they stayed like that, close and warm and content until YN looked down at her watch and noticed it was almost staff curfew. 

“Should probably head down now,” she said. 

“Yeah...” he agreed but didn’t move. “Just... lemme stay like this for a couple more minutes.” 

. . .

YN couldn’t stop smiling. It was plastered across her face all day, and only got wider when she saw Harry or remembered last night. She was in a great mood in the morning, a time that she was usually a little bit grouchy. And had almost too much enthusiasm when her campers won a basketball game. At pool time, she actually changed into her bathing suit and played with the kids, jumping and diving in and taking silly pictures. 

Harry was being sweet on her all day too. At breakfast, he made her coffee and let her eat off of his plate. He disciplined a camper so she didn’t have to when they were refusing to clear off their lunch plate. And he sat next to her during every program and activity - which wasn’t different from normal, but given what had just happened, it felt different to YN. Some little empty spot inside of her heart that had been there for as long as she could remember felt like it had been filled with a magic, sparkling warmth that only Harry could give her. She remembered how Harry had told her that night behind the cabin that he knew she was lonely, and YN knew in that moment that she was never going to feel lonely again. Not as long as Harry was around. 

Like every day, the campers pestered her about Harry, but she indulged them a smidge more. When they giggled over how cute he was she casually agreed, and when they asked what his hugs were like she described them as solid and warm and safe. When they asked if they were dating, she still said no but she said it with a bit more of a smile than usual. 

In the early afternoon during art time, the girls were working on ceramics and the boys were having a turn at tie-dye. YN doesn’t always participate in these activities with the campers, often taking the time where they are being supervised by additional staff to take a step back and relax or gossip with Harry. But he was heavily engaged in helping his kids with their tie dye (mostly making sure they didn’t squirt dye at each other) so YN decided it was as good a time as ever to try her hand at making a pot. There was definitely some trial and error involved, and when Harry walked over to check on her “need some water or anything?” she couldn’t stop herself from dabbing a spot of wet clay onto his nose, both of them giggling. 

They sat together during the daily staff meeting, Harry’s arm securely around YN’s shoulder as Mitch droned on with information that they were meant to be listening to. She had to resist the urge to melt into his side the same way she melted into him while held her on the cliff the night before. In all honesty, she hardly paid any attention to the meeting. Her mind was too busy replaying visions of her and Harry hiking, looking at the stars, kissing... 

Harry stood up, shaking YN out of her thoughts as the meeting ended. He turned around to look at her with a soft smile. 

“So, steal some snacks? Watch TV in the lounge?” he suggested. 

“No, let’s... let’s hang out in my cabin.” 

Harry’s smile grew wider as he knew exactly what she was thinking. They walked up the hill hand in hand, giggling as they fell through the doorway of the cabin, trekking over the messes left by campers after weeks of not cleaning. They made it to the front of the cabin and stood in front of her bed. 

Hooking his fingers into her belt loops, he pulled her in closer to him so their centers matched. Her breath was heavy as she looked into his eyes and started giggling softly, one hand on his bicep and the other resting over his heart. Matching her energy, Harry placed a few pecks on her lips before leaving short kisses on the tip of her nose, her cheek, her forehead. Her laughter grew with his every touch and she felt the butterflies in her tummy dancing like fireworks. 

Stopping for a moment, Harry backed up and tilted his head, hearts in his eyes as he admired YN who started blushing uncontrollably. 

“Y’so.... fuckin’ beautiful, shit,” he murmured under his breath. Her blush grew even deeper. 

“Shut up and kiss me,” she responded, moving her hand from his arm to bury her fingers in the hair at the back of his head. 

“Alright.” With a smile, he dove back in, kissing her deeply. 

The night before on the cliff was gentle, timid, unsure, and soft. But this time was eager and hungry. One of his hands stroked up her side, thumb gently passing over the side of her breast and then snaking around to her upper back, where he used his new leverage to push her even closer to him. His other hand remained on her hip, squeezing tightly, and she hoped there might be faint bruises left over. 

As they stood there together, making out in an empty cabin in the middle of the day, YN was the happiest she could ever remember being. Historically, she had not always loved making out compared to other acts she could be doing instead, but with Harry, she would take whatever he would give her. His lips were soft and plush, his body was warm, and she never felt more wanted than in that moment with him. 

He let his hand wander from her hip around her back to appreciate her ass. Squeezing one cheek lightly, the tips of his fingers reached below the frayed hemline of the shorts and came in contact with her soft skin. 

“Fuck, babe. Driving me crazy running ‘round in these things,” he groaned against her lips. 

She giggled in response, becoming pliant as he turned their bodies similarly to how they navigated the platform on the ropes course, and the back of her knees hit the edge of her bed. Their lips broke for a moment as she rearranged herself to be lying down on the twin-sized mattress. Harry followed her, his left arm supporting his body on the bed next to her shoulder and his right hand finding its place on her jaw. He hovered above her, tilting her chin up to meet his as he reconnected their lips. 

That’s when she felt his hips drop down to meet hers. She let out a small gasp into the kiss as she felt the extent of his excitement, and he chuckled under his breath in response. They tried not to break their lips apart, but when he rolled his hips into hers, she couldn’t help but let out a shallow breath, mouth open wide. 

“Fuck...so much I wanna do... don’t know where t’start,” Harry admitted, lips brushing up against YN’s. 

“Harry, I’m gonna be honest, I’m so fucking wet right now I don’t even care what you do but if you don’t do something right now I’m going to literally die,” she begged. 

He laughed a bit at that, shifting his body enough to leave a soft kiss on her forehead. 

“Want me to take care of you?” he asked.

“Please.”

“How much time do we have left?” 

YN looked at her watch. “A little over 40 minutes.” 

“Ok,” he nodded, gears clearly spinning as he thought through his plan. “I can work with that. But next time,” he raised a brow, making sure she was looking at him before repeating himself. “I can make that work, but next time we’re gonna go slow, alright?” 

She nodded her head eagerly, still desperate for him to do something, anything. To touch her or kiss her or something. 

“Eager today, hm?” 

“Harry, I’ve been waiting for this for so long, please just touch me.” 

He laughed again, leaning down to kiss at her jaw, behind her ear, and down her neck. Desperately, he wanted to leave a mark on her pulse point but he knew better than that given the circumstances. Still, he took his time, appreciating every bit of her body that he had access to. Her shoulder, her collar bones, the top of her chest. 

Finally, his hands found their way under the hem of her shirt and started to lift slowly. His touch on her skin felt like fire in the best possible way. 

“Can I?” he asked. Again, she nodded her head. 

She sat up a bit to help him lift her shirt up over her head, which he threw to the ground to join the rest of the mess in the cabin. Before YN could lay back down completely his hand twisted around to her back, resting flat over the clasp of her bra. 

“And...?”

“Yes,” she breathed out desperately.

With a quick twist, he released the clasp and she wiggled her shoulders to help the old, unexciting bra fall down. He took it the rest of the way off of her, throwing it on the floor as well. Then he sat back for a moment, eyes glued to her body, admiring her wordlessly. YN started to squirm under his harsh gaze, tempted to cover herself with her arm. 

She started to move to block his view, but he caught her hand just in time and placed it back beside her. 

“No just... so pretty I jus’ wanna...” his voice drifted off and his gaze turned softer as he leaned down and started leaving kisses on the tops of her breasts. 

YN closed her eyes, appreciating the feeling of his mouth on her body, finally. While his mouth focused on one side, his hand kneaded at the other until they switched. He sucked and pinched at her nipples until they were standing up proud for him to lick at. But he was moving slowly, too slowly, and they only had limited time before they had to pick up their campers from electives. 

“Harry, this is great but I need you to-” 

“I know,” he cut her off.

Harry left one last kiss on each breast before trailing his mouth down her stomach until he reached the top of her denim shorts. He hooked a finger beneath the waistband and looked up at her, waiting for her nod before he continued to pull down her shorts and panties in one pull. She lifted her hips to help him and he threw them onto the floor with the rest of her clothes.

“Take off your shirt,” she demanded. 

He smiled, pulling his shirt from the back of his neck and tossing it aside. 

“Like what you see?” he teased.

With a straight face, she responded “Yes, now please.” 

Harry giggled a bit, sitting back on his knees at the end of the bed. He placed his hands on her thighs and looked up at her with a soft gaze as he left a gentle squeeze. 

“Now this,” he said, dimple popping on one side, “is where I keep that promise from the other night.” 

It took YN a moment to break through the fog in her brain and remember what he was talking about - a partner-induced orgasm. 

“Bold of you to assume you can do it.” 

“Is that a challenge? I take this very seriously,” he replied, smile still plastered across his face. 

She nodded. 

“Alrigh’ then, spread your legs for me darlin’,” he told her softly, dragging his hands down her thighs and helping to spread her open. 

He took his place in between her legs, and exactly as he had with her chest he took a moment to admire her body in front of him. 

“Can’t believe y’hid this pussy from me for so long,” he said mostly to himself, shaking his head. 

YN felt the cold air meet her center and shivered. 

“Won’t be cold for long, I promise.” 

With that, Harry dove down and got to work. He started by licking her core up and down, appreciating it and getting a feel for her body. When he sucked lightly on her clit she felt her body jolt, completely out of her own control. And when his tongue entered her, she threw her head back on the pillow. 

But the killer was when he sat up a bit to take a breath and used his hands to spread her lips apart, keeping direct eye contact with her as he let a trail of spit land right on her most sensitive spot. 

“Harry,” YN said breathlessly. “It’s... it’s a lot but it’s so... fuck H... you’re doing so good you...” She could barely get a sentence out but tried her best knowing that he liked the praise. 

“Y’like that? Good... you’re doing so good for me, baby.” Her body shuddered again, but this time it wasn’t from the temperature in the room. Maybe she liked the praise a little bit too.

“Harry...”

“I know baby, I know,” he whispered against her skin, not stopping his movements. 

He looked right up at her then, making eye contact as he put on a show of licking at her little button. It didn’t last for long though, since she closed her eyes to cope with the pleasure she was feeling. By this point, she was squirming and wiggling beyond her control, and Harry had to place his arm over her lower tummy to help keep her still for him. 

They were in a rush timing-wise, but based on Harry’s movements she would have thought they had all the time in the world. He used his tongue in long, languid strokes, his fingers assisting with her clit while he tasted her. Rubbing in slow circles, his movements somehow matched the low groans he was letting out at her taste. 

“Best thing I’ve ever tasted,” he murmured under his breath before looking up at YN’s face. “Could stay down here all day, y’know that?” 

“Harry, please. We don’t have much time.” 

She was right, his slow movements were eating away at their deadline and if he wanted to get her to the finish line he was going to have to start working for it. He looked at the time on her bedside clock, eyes going wide as he saw that they only had 20 minutes left. 

“Want you to relax for me, can you do that?” he asked her. “Only gonna work if you relax and let me work, ok?” 

“I’ll try.”

“Good girl.”

She keened at the phrase, and blood would have rushed to her cheeks if it wasn’t already rushing down to her throbbing clit. A bit embarrassed, YN was relieved that Harry didn’t say anything about her reaction, but secretly hoped he noticed enough that he would at least say it again. 

As he refocused again, he brought his mouth to her clit and filled her with his fingers. She hadn’t had anyone inside of her for a long time, so even though his fingers were smaller than her vibrator, the sensation took a moment to get used to. But he hardly gave her any time at all, thrusting his fingers in and out of her at a ruthless pace. Meanwhile, his lips encased her enlarged clit, sucking hard in pulses and using his tongue to circle around the area. It was a lot, and it was so good. 

“Harry... I... fuck... you’re so... Harry...” 

He hummed without lifting his mouth from its spot and the vibrations went straight to her core. She could feel her stomach starting to tighten up, her toes starting to curl, the muscles in her legs starting to tense. With one hand she grabbed at the sheet, the other buried deep in his hair and starting to pull. She wanted to tell him he was doing a good job, wanted to tell him she was going to cum soon, wanted to tell him ‘thank you for trying so hard’, wanted to appease the praise kink she knew he had. But in that moment her brain was relegated to a pile of mush and if she tried to say any words she was confident they would come out like gibberish. 

So instead she opened her mouth, allowing her vocal cords to wake up and add some music to the heavy breathing and panting she had been doing up until that point. Her small moans did the talking for her, letting him know she was close and starting to lose control. 

The octave of her sounds went up suddenly when he twisted his fingers, rubbing them against the top of her walls and finding that elusive spot that no other man had managed (or even tried) to find. Her hips started bucking towards him on their own accord, and that’s how she knew he was really going to keep his promise. 

“Harry... I... Harry,” was all she could get out of her mouth prior to the flood of pleasure ripped through her body. It was completely different than the orgasms she had caused by herself. Maybe her vibrator could be a bit stronger than his fingers, but with Harry never stopping his motions, she felt grateful and happy in a way that the small robot could never make her feel. Her eyes squeezed tightly closed, head leaning all the way back to reveal her elongated neck, and she tugged even harder at Harry’s hair (which only made him moan again, increasing the sensations she was experiencing in that moment). 

YN wasn’t even aware of the noises she was making or how loud she was being, even though she probably should have tried to keep quiet as the old buildings were definitely not soundproof to any extent. But in that moment none of it mattered. The only thing that mattered was Harry and the way he was making her feel. 

He continued rubbing and thrusting and sucking and licking until she couldn’t take any more, whimpering as she used her grasp in his hair to push him away. She was panting, eyes still closed as she attempted to catch her breath. 

Opening her eyes just in time, YN saw Harry bring his fingers up to his mouth, sucking them clean followed by wiping his shiny face on the back of her discarded shirt. He crawled up the bed to lie down next to her, and she knew she had a stupid smile on her face but she didn’t even care. 

“Told you I’d make it happen for you this summer. Dream team, right?” 

She giggled at that. 

Looking at her watch, she realized they only had 10 minutes left until they had to be down the hill with their campers, which meant they only had 5 minutes until they had to throw their clothes back on and leave the cabin. 

“Is five minutes enough for me to... for you... your turn?” she settled on, unsure of how to ask what she was suggesting. 

Harry let out a short breath. “Shit, YN. After watching you do that I think I could cum in about 30 seconds. I mean. Fuck.” 

YN giggled as she reached down to his tummy, spreading her fingers out to feel his soft skin and muscles before drifting lower to the top of his shorts. 

“Gonna let me help, then?” she asked softly. 

He nodded in response as YN hooked her fingers in his waistband and pulled his pants down. When his length sprang up and nearly hit his stomach, she had to pause. YN wanted so badly to admire his cock, to appreciate his body the way he had done for her, or maybe even more so. But they didn’t have time. She could swear it was both longer and thicker than what he had described while they were drinking a few days ago, but she could easily be remembering wrong. Regardless, it had no business being as pretty as it was. Solid, a thick vein running up the side, his head sensitive and nearly purple as he started to leak. 

But right as she was about to reach for it and get to work, Harry stopped her. He grabbed her hand, bringing it up to his lips where he kissed each of her knuckles. 

“Wait, no babe,” he told her. “We don’t have time and I want... I want things to always be good with us, yeah? I made you feel good, and next time it can be my turn, ok?” 

With a few minutes left over, the two of them opted to stay where they were in her bed, YN resting her head on Harry’s chest and their arms wrapped around each other. This was the type of holding close she had been secretly hoping he was talking about up on the ropes course. She heard his heartbeat eventually start to slow down, and his breathing stretched out. If they had more time, they definitely would have both fallen asleep like that. 

But they didn’t. With five minutes left until electives ended, at the time they should have been walking out of the door, YN and Harry groaned in a very unsexy way as they pulled themselves out of the bed. Harry threw his clothes back on quickly, but YN had to dig through her shelf to find a new shirt and make sure to hide the dirty one at the bottom of her laundry bag. 

After changing, YN turned around to see Harry looking at her with a smile.

“What?”

“Nothing just...” he placed a short kiss on her lips. “Alright, now we can go.” 

It was like that for a few days, then, spending that quality alone time together in her cabin during hours off. On nights off they had to get more creative with their locations - the storage room on the field, behind the infirmary, in the oversized bathroom, on a platform hidden behind some trees that no one ever used. It was risky, sure. But it was exciting, and fun, and new. YN didn’t really care where they were or what they were doing as long as they were doing it together. 

Harry was so good with his words, too. So many years of practice made him great at getting her worked up just by what he said to her and how he said it. Sometimes he would whisper something naughty in her ear during the staff meeting when they were surrounded by their peers. But mostly he spoke to her in that perfect way while he was knuckles deep inside of her, or his head was buried between her legs, or his dick was inside of her mouth and his hand was on the back of her head. 

They always felt like they had limited time. Even on nights off, there was a curfew and the ever-present risk of getting caught. They were hardly the first couple to hook up at camp but still, no one wanted to get caught in the act. So with the risk and time limits hanging over their heads, they never felt safe enough to really go for it, to fully give themselves to one another in the way they really wanted to. 

YN didn’t mind though. Ever since that night on the cliff, she craved Harry’s lips on hers. It was like a drug. She started getting distracted while he was talking to her because instead of staring into his bright eyes, she was gazing longingly at his plush lips. On more than one occasion she caught herself right in time before leaning in to kiss him in front of campers. When they finally got to be alone, the first thing she would always do is attach herself to him by the lips and swear she would never let go. 

They weren’t always being naughty while they were alone though. Oftentimes they were doing the same thing they had always been doing, just with some extra affection. They still snuck into the kitchen to steal snacks but hid in an empty room so they could give each other kisses between bites. She told him about her day with her head on his lap as he played with her hair. And she scratched his back lightly while he was face down on her bed complaining about a camper. Sometimes they held hands and walked through the forest at night, reminiscing over old memories. And a lot of the time they held each other close, cuddling warm and cozy without saying a word. 

One night they decided to hike to the hidden campsite that was never used anymore and do some more stargazing together. They sat down on a big rock and Harry wrapped his arm around YN to hold her close and keep her warm. Like they always had, they would point out shapes in the stars to each other, discussing the universe or whatever else was on their minds. But what was on their mind tended to be them together, and in between, they couldn’t keep from kissing each other. YN even caught Harry looking at her when she was trying to point out a puppy she had found in the stars. 

“H, you’re not looking,” she chastised him softly.

“I’m looking right where I wanna be, babe.” He left a kiss on her cheek before finally turning to see where she was pointing to. 

And when it was quiet, they would talk about the future. They discussed their career paths, and how YN always wanted a little home with a picket fence and a dog. And Harry told her about the garden he always dreamed of when he was little. She told him about the cities in America she was considering when it was time to leave camp and start a year-round job, and Harry desperately tried to convince her that London was better. 

“But it’s so foggy and gray, Harry,” she had complained.

Harry shrugged. “Sure it’ll brighten up if you’re there. You’ll see. I’m taking you in September, and don’t even try to stop me.” 

And she didn’t. She loved the idea of getting to visit London with Harry, finally seeing the places he had been telling her about for years. But mostly she wanted to see him in his other comfort zone - camp was definitely a home to him but his real home, she was sure, would bring out something else in him that she might not have been able to see yet. And she always wanted to see more of him. 

One day they decided to do things a bit backward. Instead of sneaking out at night, they each slipped out of their cabins early in the morning, before the sun was up. YN was giggling to herself when she found Harry at the trailhead for the cliff in the corner of the field. They were each still in their pajamas, wrapped up in sweatshirts and bracing the chilly morning air. They made it up the hill in time to watch the sunrise over the camp together. The wind was sharper up there, so YN brought herself close to Harry, hugging him tightly and tucking her head under his chin. He held her close, rubbing up and down her back to help keep her warm as they looked out at the pinks and oranges in the sky together before quickly hurrying back down and into their cabins before anyone could realize they were missing. 

YN was notoriously not a morning person, but it was impossible to say no to Harry if he suggested something so special. To make it up to her, he had her coffee and breakfast waiting for her in the cafeteria that morning. 

Even in her sleepy state, Harry was able to make her laugh at breakfast that morning. They always laughed together, but in the recent days since they kissed they had been laughing even more. It was a big lift, considering Harry had been making her laugh for years. But for some reason, every word that came out of his mouth seemed funny, and she couldn’t keep herself from giggling. She was just as bad as some of her campers, except they would run away as the giggles broke out. With nowhere to run, YN was relegated to childish laughter right in front of Harry. But he never seemed to mind. She could swear it made him smile deeper. 

Harry took that laughter to heart, apparently. Because after his little move at capture the flag worked on her, he was desperate to catch YN like that again. He practically chased her around the pool until the lifeguard actually blew a whistle at them. She slowed down to a walk, but not for long as he rushed up beside her, grabbed her by the waist, and jumped into the deep end with her screaming. They came up for air laughing and gasping for breath. YN tried to shove him a bit, but Harry just swam away, daring her to catch him. 

And YN didn’t hold back anymore, either. Not that she really was before. But when he walked into dinner wearing a yellow shirt that showed off his honey skin tone and gray shorts that were a bit shorter than his regular tan line, she couldn’t control herself.

“You look hot,” she told him after looking around to make sure no one was in earshot. 

He shrugged. “I was out in the sun all day. Here I got you that salad dressing you like,” he said, passing a plate over to her. 

Harry had always taken care of her, asking if she needed water, reminding her to grab a jacket. He redoubled his efforts in that area. Refilling her water for her when the line at the fountain was long, reminding her to actually eat her meals when she got distracted by a needy camper, even bringing an extra one of his sweatshirts one evening because he knew that no matter how much he reminded her, she would always forget how chilly it gets once the sun goes down. The effort was big enough that YN noticed, like really noticed. And for the first time, she realized that he had been doing some of these things all along. And maybe if she wasn’t so dense she would have noticed that he didn’t just treat her so well because they were best friends, but because he cared so deeply for her that he couldn’t help it. 

YN did nice things for Harry as well. In addition to the onslaught of hugs he was receiving, she gifted him the clay pot she had made in art a few days prior. She painted it rainbow, and when she gave it to him she promised that on their next day off they would buy potting soil and a nice plant to grow in it. She snuck some of his dirty clothes into her bag when it was girls’ laundry day and he was running out of clean socks. Over the years she had made Harry countless friendship bracelets, but it was always because he asked her. Now she was making him one of the biggest she’d ever made and wouldn’t even let him pick the colors because the colors are based on my impression of your aura. You can’t give me any hints. 

The campers definitely noticed that something had changed between them as well, but for once, YN didn’t really mind their badgering. She started answering their questions a little bit more coyly. Instead of saying no when they asked if she was dating Harry, she would respond “well, what did I say last time? Do you think anything is different than the last hundred times you asked?” They were so intrigued by him, begging and begging for him to come by their cabin in the evening again, that YN finally relented and invited him to bring his guitar to sing lullabies. 

That night was a good deal for YN anyway. She got to spend more time with Harry, listen to his beautiful singing voice, and even put her campers to bed earlier than usual. His voice was nothing short of angelic to her ears, and apparently, the kids agreed. Most of them drifted off within fifteen minutes of his arrival. And although he was technically supposed to be singing to the campers, he spent most of the time looking directly into YN’s eyes. After most of the campers had drifted off, he played both Landslide and The Chain by Fleetwood Mac, which YN knew were two of his all-time favorite songs. His voice was soft and calming as YN eventually tucked herself into bed. 

Before he left, Harry gave YN a kiss on the top of her head. 

“Sleep well, baby,” he whispered to her, careful not to let any lingering ears hear the pet name. 

Already under the blankets and cozy, YN decided it was probably best to call it an early night. Not long ago she had been kept up late because she was thinking of Harry - but this night, she felt comforted and safe even just by the memory of him being there. She imagined he was in the bed with her, innocently cuddling up close to each other. That night she dreamt of his voice singing only to her while she rested her head on his chest, his arms embracing her, warm under the blanket in a room by themselves.

It might have been fun and games for the campers, but trouble came in the form of other staff noticing that things were changing. No one could really point to anything in particular because if they said it out loud, it sounded like the kind of stuff they always did - sitting together at meals, gossiping during programs, spending nights off together. What had changed was in the unspoken moments - the way they looked into each other’s eyes, the vibe let off while they were together.

It had gotten to a point where Mitch had actually reprimanded the two of them for spending too much time together and not enough time with their campers. They tried to argue that they were often together because they were with their campers, but it was to no avail. The ultimatum was that if they weren’t sitting with their campers at the next meal time, they wouldn’t be allowed in the same age group next session. And that was a risk neither of them were willing to take, especially not now. 

So they sat at the table eating their soggy tacos for lunch surrounded by 11 and 12-year-olds and pretending like everything was exactly the same. YN tried desperately to follow the stories the kids would tell, to understand the gossip they were spinning, but she always lost her way. Harry, on the other hand, was right there with them. He really shined while he was doing his job. He listened, he made them laugh, and he gave great advice. The girls were still coming up to him with random questions after his promise to always be honest with them after that first night in the cabin. 

And honestly, even while YN was surrounded by kids, she had a pretty narrow vision of Harry. She was practically blinded by the light he was letting off. Multiple times the kids had to reach around her to pass the sauce because she wasn’t paying enough attention. And normally she would have felt guilty - she really prided herself on her job as a counselor. But at this point, she didn’t really care as much as she cared about listening to whatever words came slowly dripping out of Harry’s mouth. 

So they met the ultimatum, but only barely. 

At dinner, Mitch instructed them to sit completely separately from each other. They needed to show the campers that you should be friends with everyone! And as hard as it was, both of them knew they had to do it. A little time apart would be ok. And they weren’t truly apart anyway, they were only sitting at different tables for one hour for dinner. How bad could it be? 

YN honestly thought it wasn’t too bad at all. At first, she was frustrated because after spending days completely absorbed in Harry, the thought of losing one of their favorite moments of the day together was going to be difficult. But she ended up sitting with a group of campers and Niall, and she already knew he could be fun after they were color wars captains together. He was funny and made her laugh with his dramatic stories and big gestures. The kids ate up every word that came out of his mouth (including when he told them to eat their vegetables). 

“Y’know,” he turned to her when the kids were mostly distracted. “On color wars day, when we went back to the cabin after lunch, he was all mopy and grumpy,” Niall told her. 

“Really?”

“Oh yeah. But he always gets like that when you’re not around.” 

This was news to YN, but she couldn’t say she was surprised. She often felt out of sorts when they were separated too, and after the way he had been treating her so sweetly recently... 

“He was so cranky I had to mess with him so of course I put a peeled banana in his pillowcase that night. Didn’t laugh as much as I had hoped but, it helped.”

YN laughed at the story, and she kept laughing as Niall told her about more pranks and jokes he had pulled on Harry and others. And because she couldn’t see the look in Harry’s eyes from across the room as he watched her laughing at Niall’s jokes, she thought everything was fine and dandy. She happened to be standing next to Niall during closing circle that evening, and while the arm around her waist wasn’t Harry’s, it was nice being supported by someone over the age of 12. When the song ended, the kids all started to hug each other goodnight, so naturally, YN gave Niall a quick hug and then sought out Harry who was on the other side of the room. 

YN was excited to get a moment to talk with Harry after being separated from him for most of the day, but as she approached him she saw a deep furrow in his brow. Her smile dropped quickly as she cocked her head to the side, questioning him.

“Why’re you so grumpy?” 

“Not grumpy,” he denied, voice deeper than usual. 

She smiled then, reaching up to push back a curl of his hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. Grabbing his face lightly, she used her thumbs to try and smooth out the crinkle in his brow. His gaze softened a touch, but not as much as she had hoped. 

“Definitely grumpy about something...” 

He sighed. “Just... I mean just because we weren’t allowed to be together today doesn’t mean y’gotta be all over Niall, y’know?” he said softly so no one else could hear. 

At first, YN thought he was kidding and started to chuckle. But when his expression didn’t change she realized how serious he truly was. 

“Oh babe, I wasn’t all over Niall. He’s a nice friend, gives good hugs. No need to be jealous.” She used a gentle tone, hoping to soften him up a bit. 

“‘M not jealous,” he insisted. “It’s just...” he grabbed her hand and pulled her body closer to his, but still not as close as she knew he wanted. Whispering in her ear he finished his sentence, “You’re mine, ok?” 

“Course, H. We’re the dream team.” 

“No,” he shook his head. “We’ve always been the dream team, but now you’re really mine...”

“Oh.” She didn’t know how else to respond. The comment made her insides feel like melted marshmallows and the campfire that burnt them all at the same time. 

“I don’t like to share,” he admitted. 

YN stood there for a moment, thinking until a lightbulb went off. 

“You don’t have to share me, H. In fact... meet me by the parking lot again tonight. Think it’s a good night for our spot, yeah?” 

They agreed, and YN gave him a short kiss on the cheek goodbye, immediately blushing and looking around to see if anyone saw. She thought she might be in the clear, but just in case, she started brainstorming excuses. Harry could apparently see the gears rotating in her head because he cut off her thoughts.

“Tell them it’s a British thing - they won’t know any better.” 

And the line worked because the girls definitely had something to say when they were back in the cabin. They were so thoroughly convinced that YN and Harry were in love that the little one started asking things like “What’s the nicest thing he’s ever done for you?” and “Does he like to cuddle at night?” She brushed them off as usual, but it was getting harder every day to keep up the charade. Before they had gotten together it was annoying but fun to field their questions. But now? Now it was getting to be a bit of a struggle because camp rules required them to never find out the truth. 

She clicked the walkie-talkie three times as she headed out the door, and smiled when she heard three clicks in return. Practically skipping down the hill, she made her way to the parking lot where Harry was already waiting for her. Although this time she was hoping he had no alcohol with him. 

When they were still a few yards away from each other, YN couldn’t help but jog, jumping up into his open arms. She stood on her toes, arms around his neck, and kissed his lips eagerly. It was difficult, though, because both of them were smiling like teenagers. 

“Your hair looks nice,” she told him, dragging a hand through his locks after they separated their lips. 

“You’re only saying that because you want to get in my pants,” he teased.

She shrugged. “No, I think your hair looks nice and I wanna get in your pants.” 

He kissed her nose sweetly and then turned his attention away from her and back to the trunk of his car. 

“Listen I have a few things I thought we could bring with us...” he trailed off as he searched around in the endless dark void. 

“You are not drugging me up again, Styles,” she demanded.

“Don’t worry babe, wouldn’t even dream of it. I have... ah!” He looked proud of himself as he pulled out what looked to be an old blanket.

“Y’always get cold, even with a sweatshirt, so I thought we’d bring some blankets. And I knew you’d forget your water, so I brought some extra.”

“Take such good care of me, H.” 

They walked hand in hand down the path on the way to their old spot, recounting their days to one another. For the first time in a long time, they actually had new information for each other after spending some time apart. One of Harry’s boys might’ve sprained his ankle during sports time, causing a whole scene and refusing to go to the infirmary. And one of YN’s girls had gotten a crush on an older boy that she couldn’t stop talking about. Both of them, it turns out, had to field more questions than usual from their campers regarding their relationship. 

“Getting harder to convince them nothin’s happening,” Harry told her. “I think they see the way I look at you.” 

They reached their spot, the small stage in the middle of the clearing near the lake. Harry spread out one of the blankets he had brought and they laid down on it, on their backs so they could look up at the sky.

It was quiet, except for the rustling of the trees as the wind blew or the scurrying of a small animal a short distance away. She held his hand, interweaving their fingers as they settled into their peaceful surroundings. Even with all the other new fun things they were doing together, nothing would ever beat this - stargazing in their spot together. And for the first time in a long time, YN’s head wasn’t spinning with scenarios or ideas or questions. She was just content. Harry was with her, the stars were above her, and she was content. 

“After the summer, I think we should travel together,” he stated out of nowhere.

She laughed a bit. “Sure, H. You gonna pay for that on your amazing camp salary?” 

“I’ll find a way.” 

It was quiet again for a moment. 

“Can I wear your yellow sunglasses tomorrow?” she asked softly.

“Sure.” 

Another pause. 

“What do you think the stars would taste like?”

At first, she wasn’t sure if he was serious, but he asked the question softly so she considered it.

“Putting aside the fact that they’re like... fire or whatever...” they both giggled. “I think, like, metaphorically, they look like they taste like honey.” 

“Honey?”

“Yeah.” 

She didn’t explain. And he didn’t ask. 

“Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“I like having you with me.”

“Always been here, babe. Was waiting for you to realize it.” 

She rolled over, then, to give him a quick kiss on the lips, though they were both smiling through it making it a bit difficult logistically. 

“I just wanna tell everyone that you’re mine,” he admitted quietly. 

“Everyone?” YN started. “I think you really just wanted to tell Niall today.” 

Harry laughed. “Yeah well... someone has to tell him eventually, hm?” 

“Tell him what, exactly?” she challenged. 

He looked at her with confusion. “That you’re mine?” His voice went up a bit at the end. 

“Is that a question? What... what does being ‘yours’ mean?” 

And he answered her question much like he did her question up on the cliff. 

“It means this-” He rolled over, kissing her deeply and bringing his hand up to rest on her jaw. 

YN wanted more answers, she wanted to get him to actually explain things for once. But more than that she wanted to keep feeling his lips on hers and his hands on her body. She would never get completely used to the feeling of kissing her best friend, but it was so good that the nerves faded away quickly. 

She reached to bring one hand up into his hair and the other one around his back. He rolled further on top of her, still hovering a bit but allowing their bodies to touch. She felt surrounded by him, and his smell, and the heat coming from his body. They were rolling around making out on an old blanket atop an abandoned stage, it was comfortable, and she never wanted the feeling to end. 

“Haven't... haven’t done much star g-gazing,” she stuttered between kisses. 

“Fuck the stars.” 

“Or you could fuck me.” 

He stopped then, backing his face away from hers so he could look into her eyes. Waiting a moment, he left ample space for her to take back her comment, to say it was a joke, to withdraw consent in any way. But she didn’t. She bit her lip, staring up at him like he was the entire universe, and silently begging him to do more. 

“Don’t start something you can’t finish, YN,” he replied breathlessly. 

“If I can’t finish, that’s on you.” 

He chuckled at her response before kissing her again, this time with more desire and urgency. Using his arms to support himself, he readjusted his legs so one was against her center, and started rolling his hips into her. She gasped into the kiss and he bit down on her lower lip lightly. 

Without stopping his movements, he whispered to her between breaths. “I think... you’ve always been mine... just didn’t know how... how to tell me.” 

And he wasn’t wrong in that assumption. She had always been his best friend, his default partner, his confidant, his dream team. And he was just as much hers, she just never realized that when he reminded her to drink water or gave her his sweatshirt it was because she had him utterly and completely whipped for her. 

“Tellin’ you now...” 

“Tell me then. Tell me you’re mine.” 

He practically growled at the last phrase, digging his hips into hers with more force and causing her to gasp again. Every bit of his body felt good, and she was only barely touching him. Her grasp in his hair got tighter, and her fingers curled in to grab at his shirt on his back. 

“Yours... I’m yours.”

“Fuck.” Harry hung his head low, trying to even out his breathing. “That’s by far the hottest thing you’ve ever said to me... I can’t... YN I can’t wait any longer. Gotta make you mine for real. Gotta... shit.” 

“You wanna fuck me?” she filled in for him. 

And again he groaned at her words. “Fuck yes, babe. I... shit I don’t have a...”

“It’s ok,” she cut him off. “I... I’ve got an IUD and I’m clean and you...”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m clean. Promise. Shit, you sure you’re ok with this?” he asked, giving her another opportunity to back out. 

But she didn’t need it. She was confident that she wanted this as she had never wanted anything else before. 

“I... yes Harry,” she told him. “Just...” 

His head snapped up to look at her when he sensed her hesitation. 

“Just haven’t done this in a while, so I might not be... I’m a bit rusty, ok?”

Harry gave a comforting chuckle.

“Baby, all you gotta do is lay there and look pretty. And you’re doing a damn good job at that. Doesn’t matter what you do, I think I’ve made it pretty clear I’m crazy for you.” 

YN wasn’t typically the most assertive in sexual situations, but in this case, she couldn’t wait any longer. She used her leverage on the back of his head to bring his face down closer to hers and continue kissing him, slipping her tongue between his lips until he opened up and allowed for the intrusion. Their tongues worked together, dancing and drawing shapes around each other furiously. 

Her grip in his hair tightened again and her hand on his back searched for anything to grab onto. He audibly groaned as she started scratching lightly at his skin. She used the opening to further explore his mouth with her tongue, silently begging him for more. 

“Gonna... gonna fuck you so good... make sure everyone knows... knows that you’re mine,” he said between breaths. 

“Yes,” she told him. “Yours... I’m yours... make me feel so good...” 

He groaned at that, her words clearly affecting him as he left his spot on her mouth and allowed himself to lick and suck at the tender spots on her neck instead. At first, she let out a disappointed whine at the loss of contact, but the disappointment quickly turned into pleasure when he bit down harshly on a soft spot right below her ear. 

Slowly, he continued a trail of kisses down her neck, to her chest. Her shirt was in his way and clearly frustrating him.

“Gonna take this off, ok?” he asked, pinching her shirt. 

She nodded and sat up a bit to help him lift the shirt over her arms. He had seen her without it many times now, but he still stopped for a moment to stare and appreciate her body in front of him. 

Mumbling to himself, she barely heard him say, “shit, y’so fucking beautiful... love y’body so much.” He said it quietly, clearly out of pure admiration. 

As she was about to beg him to move, he leaned back down and picked up right where he left off, leaving small, wet kisses to the tops of her breasts. He made his way down a little lower, pulling one of the cups of her bra down and biting down a bit harder just next to her nipple. She whined lightly, but he soothed the area with kisses and then leaned back to admire his work.

He had left a deep, pretty mark, not far from her nipple where it was sure to always be covered. She felt like he was claiming her, and it felt amazing. He continued kissing around the area, hands exploring her body, but he wasn’t moving fast enough. 

“Harry... please do something...” 

“I am doing something,” he teased. 

“Do more.” 

“What do you need, darling? Tell me.” 

She huffed, grip in his hair once again tightening until she heard him hiss against her skin in response to the pain. 

“Touch me,” she breathed. “Need you to touch me.” 

“I am touching you.” 

“No... touch me... here.” 

She took his hand and dragged it down her body to rest above her core. There was a heat swirling in her stomach, stronger than ever before. She could tell she was wet between her thighs and her body had never been more ready for him. 

“Shit, YN,” he groaned. “This mine too?”

She nodded her head.

“No. You gotta say it... say it and I’ll touch you.” 

“It’s yours.” 

“What is?”

“My...my...” in most situations, she hated the word that she knew he was trying to get her to say. But for the first time, she finally understood why it could be so hot because in this moment it was the only word that accurately described not only her body but the way she was feeling. “My pussy is yours.” 

And that’s where Harry just lost it. He moaned at her words, hanging his head between his shoulders for a moment to catch his thoughts and his breath, shaking his head. 

“The things you do to me...” he mumbled beneath his breath. He looked back up at her, “gonna take this off, ok?” he slipped his finger beneath the waistband of her pants. 

She nodded her head, and he got to work stripping her of her pants, then his own top layer of clothing until they were left in their underwear with a blanket draped over them. He kissed around the tops of her breasts before grabbing the other cup of her bra and pulling it down to match the other and expose her to him further. His tongue swirled around her nipple, hand pinching and pulling at the other one. 

“Harry,” she gasped between breaths. “Feels good but... want you... please.”

“I know baby, but you know how big I am. Gotta make sure you’re ready for me,” he told her between kisses. 

“I’m ready I promise I’m-” 

He cut her off with a desperate kiss to her mouth. As she caught her breath, he moved a strand of hair out of her face and behind her ear. 

“Know you feel ready. Just want to make sure. Wanna make my girl feel good, yeah?” 

She nodded her head silently. Hearing him call her his girl did a number on her, and she felt it deep in her tummy. She was his, she had always been his, and she always wanted to be his. 

Harry trailed down her body, leaving a string of kisses in his wake. The moisture from his mouth mixed with the cold night air gave her the chills so she reached for a blanket, but Harry stopped her. 

“Take my sweatshirt, babe,” he whispered. “Wanna fuck you in my clothes.” 

YN was completely surrounded by all things Harry, then. His blankets, his sweatshirt, his mouth. It all smelled like him and she couldn’t keep from taking a big deep breath inside of the hooded jacket. His smell was so nice - had always been comforting but now even more so. She would buy candles of it if she could. 

Harry spread her legs wide, hands on her thighs and thumbs stroking over her skin gently as he looked at her. 

“Look at that...” he mumbled, mostly to himself. “So pretty... look at how wet you are, how swollen that clit is. Is that all for me?” He looked back up at YN, waiting for her to answer. 

She knew now that he needed to hear her words, so in addition to nodding she told him, “yes, all for you.” 

“Because this is my pussy, right?”

“Yes, H. Yours. It’s yours.” 

He couldn’t take it any longer and started working over her center with his mouth and his fingers. 

“Gonna... make you cum... before I fuck you... make you feel good... then make you... mine,” he told her in a low voice between licking and sucking and kissing on her folds. 

She let out an unconscious whimper at that. She knew he would make her feel good - he always did. But something about the way he said it this time made her eyes roll into the back of her head. In desperation, she wanted to respond to him, to hype him up and make him know how wonderful he was making her feel. But she couldn’t get the words out, whines and moans and groans taking their place.

“That’s right... good girl... let it out just like that...'' he encouraged her. “Geez, y’so fuckin’ wet for me.” 

With one hand he stroked her inside walls, driving her crazy, the other sitting firmly on the inside of her thigh to open her back up again every time she tried to close around his head. His hand was a warm and comforting presence on the cold and quiet night, and she let out a gentle sigh. Her sigh was cut off though, and turned into a bit of a squeal as he sucked harder on her clit, curling his fingers inside of her and hitting her best spot. His tongue lapped at her wet folds, hungrily taking everything she would give him. 

It didn’t take long - it never did with Harry. Compared to the other guys she had been with who never made her cum even once, Harry’s ability to do it so quickly and consistently blew her mind. He knew what he was doing before he even touched her, but then he took the time to learn her body too. Harry knew what she liked, what felt the best, what drove her over the edge. He knew which pulls of his hair meant she was feeling good and which meant that he needed to slow down and give her a break. He knew the way her body shuddered when the pressure was building, and he knew the way she tasted after that bubble burst. 

Usually, after she finished, he would kiss back up her body until he reached her mouth and whisper sweet things to her as she came down from her high. But this time, he kept working where he was. He was gentler on her sensitive nub, but his fingers moved faster. He spread her out, opening her up for him and adding in a third finger. YN gasped at that, one hand flying to her own chest and the other finding purchase in Harry’s hair again. 

“H... fuck... s’a lot... feels... a lot,” she told him from above. 

“I know darling,” he comforted her, removing his mouth and leaving careful kisses at the top of her thighs. “But m’cock is gonna be even more. You still want it, right?” 

He was giving her another out, an easy out, and wanted to make sure. They both knew that once you fuck your best friend, there’s no going back. But YN never wanted to go back. It didn’t even feel possible to go back. She just wanted him. And she told him as much. 

“H... make me yours... I want... I wanna be yours.”

Harry sat up on his knees then, one hand with fingers still inside of her and the other getting to work on his own briefs. His cock sprang free, hard as ever and practically leaking from the purple tip. YN’s eyes went straight to it, as they always did. She could never get herself to look away. He looked too pretty. And that pretty thing was about to be inside of her. 

She moaned his name, begging him to hurry up, and he got the message. Removing his fingers from her, he made a show of licking each one. He tapped her bottom lip and she opened her mouth, where he inserted his first two fingers. She closed around him and sucked lightly, tasting herself on his skin. 

“Fuck,” he groaned at the sight. 

“Yeah, that’s what I’m waiting for,” she teased back. 

He chuckled before hovering his body over hers and lining up his cock with her center. Slowly he dragged the tip up and down her folds until she let out another little whimper. 

“You want my cock?” he asked her. 

“Yes.” 

“Lemme hear you say it. Tell me what you want.” 

She took a breath. “Want... want your cock, Harry. Want to feel you inside of me. Want-”

He cut her off then as he entered her, entering her slowly and stretching her out. 

She let out little gasps as he went deeper.

“Good girl... know you can take me...” 

She couldn’t help but moan at his words, but her eyes were screwed shut. 

“Look at me, baby. Please...” Harry begged her softly, his words practically a whine. 

Opening her eyes, she gazed up at him like he hung the stars and the moon. But when he pushed in a little further she squeezed her eyes closed again, the feeling tight and the stretch a little tingly.

“S’really big, H.” 

“Relax, baby,” he whispered, kissing her forehead. “Gotta relax for me, let me in...” 

She let out a deep breath signally for him to continue until she was completely full of him. Waiting a moment, he gave her time to get used to his size, and he took a moment to get used to the feeling of her around him.

“Fuck baby, ‘slike you were made for me,” he whispered into her ear.

She whined at that, and he took it as a sign to start moving. He started slowly, both of them moaning at the feeling. Dropping his head down to her shoulder, he bit down lightly, causing her to gasp. Her hands came up to his hair and his back again and she held onto him like he was going to float away if she didn’t. 

“Feel so good,” he whispered. “So fuckin’ tight. So...fuck... so good... y’pussy feels like heaven. M’not gonna last very long.” 

“That’s ok, just... just keep going. You’re so big... stretching me... so deep... fuck... Harry, please.” 

She didn’t know what she was begging for, but she knew he would give it to her. And he did, as his hips started snapping against her harder and faster. Her moans and groans and gasps filled the air around them, but neither of them cared since they were far away enough from the rest of the camp. It was just them, under the stars, together. 

“Sound so pretty,” he mumbled between thrusts as she gasped and moaned into the night air. “Best sound in the world... wanna hear that... hear you all the fucking time,” he groaned. 

Harry reached down again then, rubbing her clit with his thumb as his thrusting continued. She accidentally held her breath, only releasing it when his lips met hers in a sloppy kiss. Their lips hardly even touched as they panted into each other's mouths, savoring the feeling and the moment they were having together. 

Her hands frantically searched for something to grab onto on his back, but upon finding nothing she resigned to digging her nails into him lightly. Apparently, that was the right decision, because his movements only sped up more. 

“Tell me how you feel,” he instructed her.

“So good... fuck H you feel... I can’t even...” she let out another gasp as his tip went deeper than ever before, and she felt his smirk against her own lips. 

“Too good for words, hm?”

She nodded her head in agreement. 

They were both trying to hold off for as long as possible, but with the days, weeks, and years of build-up, it was nearly impossible. Both of them knew it was going to be over soon, but neither of them wanted it to end. 

“Fuck... Harry,” she moaned again as he increased the pressure rubbing on her clit. Her body reacted to the change, contracting on his dick and making him see all the stars that were never there. 

“Think you can... can cum again?” he asked her. 

“I don’t... maybe but...” 

“Gonna make my girl cum again,” he stated, sure of himself. 

“Yes, yes I’m yours,” she cried out again, followed by a long whine as the head of his cock brushed against her g-spot. 

He lifted her legs then, her knees bending over his shoulders as he pushed into her again, the new angle giving him deeper access. From higher above her, he could see her breasts wiggling with the movement of her entire body. But she could tell he was looking mostly at the place where they connected, where it was wet and messy and amazing. 

“Mine,” he growled again. 

She nodded her head, unable to make any words come out of her mouth anymore. There was too much happening all at once. The pressure building in her lower stomach, her clit throbbing below Harry’s thumb, her walls being stretched by his length. It was so much, too much. 

“Too much,” she told him.

“Want me to stop?”

“NO!” 

“Then it’s not... not too much,” he concluded, never losing his pace.

“Gonna... soon... almost...” she still couldn’t get her words out, but he was able to decipher her message.

“It’s alright baby,” he whispered. “Cum for me. Want you to cum again for me. Then I’ll cum inside this pretty pussy... my pretty pussy... make you mine. All mine.” 

And she completely lost it at his words. Her back arched up and she pressed up into his warm chest. Her head rolled back as much as it could on the hard surface and her eyes squeezed closed as she felt tears starting to form at the edges of her vision. The feeling was white hot, like a star exploding somewhere in distant space, a mess to experience but beautiful to the viewer. 

So beautiful, in fact, that Harry let his own release go shortly after. He shot ropes and ropes of warm cum, filling her. His hips kept moving, thrusting slower but not giving up, even though he was through. She whimpered at the feeling, both of them fucked raw. When he was too sensitive and just couldn’t take it anymore, his hips eventually stilled. He kissed her neck and shoulder until he could catch his breath but made no move to slip out from inside of her. As they both caught their breaths, YN started rubbing Harry’s back lightly. He hummed at the feeling. 

“Harry?”

“Yeah?” 

“You never... you never answered my question?”

“Which question darling?” 

YN tried to think back, her mind still foggy from the two intense orgasms. 

“What do you mean when you say I’m yours?”

There was silence for a moment, their hearts beating in unison but still fast. Most if not all of his weight was on her, and his body was like a furnace keeping her warm. 

“Means I get to do that again.” 

“Will you still be my best friend?”

He laughed at that, before realizing she was serious.

“Of course, sweetheart. Always. Best friend, dream team, girlfriend. They aren’t mutually exclusive.”

“Girlfriend?” she asked, a cheerfulness in her voice. 

“Mhmm...if that’s... if you want that?”

“Yes!” she answered quickly. “Want it with you.” 

Harry smiled before kissing her lips lightly. She could see his pupils were still mostly blown out, although it might have been a reaction to the dark night around them illuminated only by the stars above, which they had stopped looking at ages ago. 

“Alright then,” he started. “Looks like we should probably get my girlfriend cleaned up and ready for bed, hm?” 

He made a move to change his position, to pull out of her and do what he had said, but she stopped him with a firm grip.

“Not yet, just... lemme stay like this for a couple more minutes.” 

MASTERLIST | PATREON | USS TAG | WRITING TAG

Deleted Scene - Campout Extra 1: Lemon Over Ice

#writing #uss #harry styles #harry #harry fanfic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry fanfiction #harry fan fiction #harry styles fan fiction #smut #harry smut #harry styles smut #fanfic #fanfiction #fan fiction #harry fan fic #harry styles fan fic #summer fanfic #yo

[sallage]

Hii, just wanted to say that I recently stumbled upon your page and I love how well written your fics are; there's just something different about the way you write that draws me into the story :D I saw that you opened requests for short stories so could I request for lee Kirishima and ler Bakugou? Maybe Kiri pranked Bakugou, but Bakugou isn't big on pranks so he decides to tickle Kiri to get him back for the prank instead. Tickle spot could be the ribs, but I don't mind if you wanna change it :> Thankss

A/N: Ahhh thank you so much for your kind words! I was really excited to write this so thank you for requesting it! Hope you enjoy!

Shut Up and Laugh!

Primary AU

Words: 1,086

Reading Time: 4 Minutes

Pairing: Lee Kirishima, Ler Bakugo

Read more ∘₊✧ Here ✧₊∘

˚ · • . ° . ˚ · • . ° .

“I’M SORRY!” 

“GET BACK HERE, SHITTY HAIR!”

Kirishima’s arms and legs pumped hard as he vaulted over the table and spun around, meeting eyes with a soaking wet Bakugo who was so angry, Kirishima thought he could he see steam rising out of his ears. 

“Come on, man! I said I was sorry!”

“I’m going to make you regret the day you were born, you bastard! Get over here!” 

Bakugo ran to the left of the table, and Kirishima matched him, running to the right.

“Stop running!” Bakugo growled, gripping the edge of the table with white knuckles.

Kirishima had been feeling mischievous that day and wanted to pull a prank on the angry blonde. So he set a bucket of water on top of the apartment door and left it slightly ajar, so that whoever opened it would get splashed. After setting everything up, he invited Bakugo over, who foolishly opened the door and got rewarded with water spilling all over him and soaking into his shirt and pants. His stunned expression and lack of physical reaction; Just stating there with his mouth open in shock, caused Kirishima to explode into a laughing fit, breaking Bakugo out of his stunned trance at the mention of posting a video from a hidden camera somewhere in the apartment to the group chat they shared with their friends.

“Okay, maybe if you took a second to calm- AH!”

Bakugo slammed his hand on the table and started to jump it, comically slipping back off and crashing onto the floor. Kirishima bursted into laughter at the stunned blonde’s expression. He bent over and held his waist, laughing harder when Bakugo tried to get up and fell back down again. 

Bakugo growled and used a small explosion to slide his way over and like a bowling ball, crashed into Kirishima. The red head yelped, tripping and landing hard on his back, caught off guard by the use of the explosive quirk indoors.

Bakugo easily straddled Kirishima who was weakened by his continuous laughing fit and shoved the red head’s wrists underneath his knees, locking them in place. 

“You’re geheheting me all wehehet!” Kirishima broke into another bout of laughter at Bakugo’s frustrated expression.

“You trying to make a fool outta me?!” He yelled, an irritated vein popping visibly from his temple.

“Ihihit was just a prahahank! It was funny! And then you goho and fall ahahaohof the tahahahable? Ahhhahahahahaha!”

“You wanna keep laughing? I’ll give you something to laugh about!”

Before Kirishima could register what was happening, he was laughing for a whole other reason. He bucked as the blonde on top of him dug ruthlessly into his sides. Caught off guard at the randomness of the ticklish attack, Kirishima couldn’t stop himself from falling into surprised laughter, kicking his legs and pressing his knees against the blondes back, trying to push him off.

“Laugh at this, you dumbass!” Bakugo growled, still somehow seeming menacing and pissy despite the fact that he was now tickling his friend to tears.

“Bahahahahakugo whahahat ahahare you dohoing? AHH!” 

Bakugo’s fingers dug into his sides, moving down slightly to press into his hips. Kirishima broke into bucking laughter, thrashing a little harder and trying to wrench his hands free.

The wet blonde smiled. “Tch, Figures. You would be this ticklish. You look like an idiot!” 

Kirishima yelped and arched his back when Bakugo teased up his sides again. 

“Where the hell is your bad spot, huh?” Bakugo wondered out loud, pinching along his sides, spidering along his stomach and inching himself down to dig into his hips. 

“STAHAHAP! I’m sohohory!” Kirishima shook his head back and forth, trying to wrench his hands from underneath the blondes knees, but Bakugo held fast, not letting Kirishima escape.

“Shut up! You’re gonna be sorry after I’m done with you!” With a growl, Bakugo poked at Kirishima’s ribs and the red head jolted, bucked his hips, and let out a startled yelp all at the same time. An evil smile spread across Bakugo’s face making Kirishima genuinely regret his actions for the first time that night.

“Bakugo! Hey, Im sorry! I shouldn’t have done it, I-“

“Nah, it’s too late for that!” The blonde cracked his knuckles for shameless emphasis. “This will show you what happens when you mess with me! NOW DIEE!”

Bakugo ruthlessly dug his thumbs into Kirishima’s ribs, digging into, around, and between the bones with scary pin point accuracy. It was mercilessly devastating and Kirishima bucked so hard Bakugo almost lost his balance. For a few moments, there was only thrashing, then there was loud, hard laughter that surprised even Kirishima himself.

“GAAAHAHAHAHAH! BAHAHAKUGO NAHAHAHAHOHOHOHO!”

“Shut up and laugh!”

“HAHAHAHOHOW CAHAHAN I SHUHUT UP AND LAHAHAHAHGUH?”

“That’s it!”

Kirishima doubled over when Bakugo vibrated all of his fingers into his bottom ribs. Kirishima mindlessly kicked and bucked, slamming his back onto the ground and hitting his head hard against the floor. His hilarity gave way to silent laughter. Bakugo smiled deviously, taking his silent laughter as one hundred percent victory.

“————- NAHAHAHAHAHAHAH BAHAHAHAHAKKUHUHUHU———— STAHA-HAHAHAHAP! NOHOHOHO! PLEHEHEHHESE!”

Kirishima wanted so badly to use his quirk, but he was unable to concentrate fully enough to do so, the sparkling electric current that was spamming his ribs reached his brain in unmeasurable speeds, causing him to buck and writhe and gasp as Bakugo absolutely let him have it. Bakugo kept going despite the Kirishima’s begging, his victim’s face and neck turning the same color as his hair.

Once Kirishima started wheezing, Bakugo finally let up. He jumped off of the red head who stayed stuck where he was on the floor, huffing and puffing, trying to catch his breath.

“I… wasn’t… expecting that.” Kirishima huffed in between breaths.

“I wont go so easy next time, asshole.” Bakugo cursed, pulling at his still wet shirt uncomfortably. “Hope it was worth it shitty hair. Is that stupid prank the reason you had me come to this shit hole?”

Kirishima shook his head, regaining his breath and sitting up. Bless his amazing stamina. “No, I got new monitors and I wanted to show you. I got a shirt for you too, man! No hard feelings.”

Bakugo rolled his eyes, but they shone with interest. “Whatever.”

“Hey, Bakugo?”

“Huh?”

“Are you ticklish?” 

Bakugo scoffed. “Of course not. I’m not some childish weirdo like you. Now show me the damn monitors.”

Kirishima raised his eyebrows, but he didn’t say anything more. Maybe one day he would find out the truth, but not today.

#bnha tickle #ticklish!bakugou #tickle fic #t word community #sallage-mha #tickle blog #tickle community #mha tickle #ler!bakugou #Lee!kirishima

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is:  MuseumGiftShopEraser! They have 9 works on AO3 in the Stranger Things Fandom, and 6 of those are in the Steddie tag!

Our anonymous nominator recommends the following works by @museumgiftshoperaser:

Paint the Devil on the Wall

Conversations About Love

Now I'm A Stranger

An Exercise In Denial

Baby, You Were Meant To Follow Me

Her fics are BEAUTIFUL. When I first read Paint the Devil on the Wall I was so obsessed I immediately recced the fic to everyone I knew who would be vaguely interested in a steddie fic. -- anonymous

Below the cut, @museumgiftshoperaser answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I stumbled into it immediately after season 4 came out. I’ve felt very attached to Steve as a character from the beginning of the show and I think I was subconsciously waiting for someone to pair him up with. I think they’re both such great characters to explore themes of dealing with expectation (either by conforming, or fighting against it) and that’s something I always love to write about.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

Absolute sucker for fake dating. Can’t get enough of it.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Enemies to lovers! Though now that I’m looking through my AO3 I haven’t actually written that much of it. It doesn’t have to be very intense enemies, though. I just like it when characters don’t immediately get along.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

My brain has been forever rewired by took you for a working boy by pukner. It’s such a gentle, nuanced queer story. It feels vulnerable to me in a way that really only fanfiction can be. Can I sneak in another one?? Because everyone should also absolutely read the shame is on the other side by scoops_ahoy. It taps into this very specific kind of queer compartmentalizing, that I’ve never seen written this well. It broke my heart and patched it right back up.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

I’ve been stupidly busy with my masters lately so there’s probably not a lot of writing on my horizon. I do have a wip called Doll that I’m slowly chipping away at. It’s a little darker than stuff I’ve written before. I know ‘dark’ isn’t really a trope, but I’m excited to see if I can push these characters a little further. 

What is your writing process like?

Absolute chaos. I write non-chronologically, without an outline, all in the same document. I keep writing snippets and scenes until the whole thing slowly comes together. 

Do you have any writing quirks?

Italicizing words for emphasis. I love it so much, you can rip it from my cold dead hands. It accidentally makes its way into my academic writing for my degree sometimes which is a little embarrassing, but I just love the flair of it. 

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

I don’t really do schedules, it doesn’t work for me at all. I try to make sure I have a decent amount of the story written before I start posting to give me a bit of a head start, but forcing myself to finish something by a certain date is a surefire way to kill my motivation.

Which fic are you most proud of?

Probably Paint the Devil on the Wall. It was the first time I’d written the entire story before I started posting so it went through way more rounds of editing than normal. I think you can really tell. It’s also the longest story I’ve ever written (in general, even outside of fanfic). The whole project gave me a lot of confidence as a writer.

How did you get the idea for Paint the Devil on the Wall?

I knew I wanted to participate in the Bigbang and the deadline was coming up, but I still didn’t have an idea. I decided to work backwards and try to think of something that would be fun for the artist(s) to draw. I had a vision of Eddie wearing dungarees without a shirt, absolutely covered in paint and I knew I had to write something to make it happen. I set the story in 80s New York because neo expressionism is really the only kind of art I could see Eddie making. I think it suits him very well. I do actually have a background in art, though! I’m currently getting my MFA, but I’ve worked full time as an artist for several years before that. I had a lot of fun working my passion for art (and all those art history classes I had to take) into the fic.

When writing Paint the Devil on the Wall, what was something you didn’t expect?

All of Steve’s character, to be honest. The fic is written from Eddie’s POV and for a large part of it he has a very hard time figuring out what Steve’s deal is. Right alongside him, I also had an incredibly hard time figuring out his character. It wasn’t until I was working on the final chapter that he finally clicked for me. I realized very late, just like Eddie, that Steve liked him from the very beginning. Most of the enemies to lovers premise was all in Eddie’s head.

What inspired Now I'm a Stranger?

Oh boy, that was forever ago! I remember I started writing it while I was camping with friends because I liked having something to do after everyone went to bed at night. I think I had the idea for that very first scene where Steve doesn’t remember Eddie and it all sort of spiraled from there.

What was your favorite part to write from An Exercise in Denial?

That was the very first fic I wrote, right after season 4 came out! I’ve never written something that fast, I think the whole thing took me less than a week. My favorite part was probably Robin being completely exasperated with both of them. They’re such complete idiots in that fic.

How do/did you feel writing Baby, You Were Meant To Follow Me?

Ahhh… I never got around to finishing that one. I probably never will, to be honest. I wrote the first two parts quite quickly and then the idea I had for the plot spiraled out of control and I realized I didn’t actually feel like writing the rest of it. There were going to be a lot of misunderstandings and I learned that I find that an incredibly frustrating trope to write (when done for drama at least. For comedy, I’m a sucker for misunderstandings.) So I guess I felt a little in over my head.

What was the most difficult part of writing Conversations About Love?

The ending! That fic is so incredibly personal to me and I knew from the beginning that I wanted it to have a very sappy, happy ending. It was important to me to write an aromantic character getting everything they wanted, but I realized as I was writing it that I don’t actually fully know what that means. So it took a bit more soul searching than fics typically do, but it was very much worth it. 

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

I still think the short little prologue for Paint the Devil on the Wall is the best thing I’ve written. “You don’t draw on things that aren’t yours, baby” is probably the best summary I have for that story.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

Not really!

Thank you to our author, @museumgiftshoperaser, and our anonymous nominator! See more of @museumgiftshoperaser works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

#writer's wednesday #steddie #steddie fic recs #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve x eddie #stranger things #ao3 writer #steddie writers

[ihatetheinternetandeveryoneonit]

Tainted: An Amateur Blend of Astarion Angst and Smut

In which the master seducer gets out-seduced and has a big crisis over it.

Note: Finally the full fic is cooked and ready to serve. My first smut, and it's relatively light smut because that ended up being the least interesting part of this fic and it shows. So if you come here for the angst instead, you're less likely to be disappointed. I might mirror onto AO3 if I'm sufficiently bullied into it.

Rated Explicit 18+ Soft service FemDom Tav /Switch Astarion, brief hj, bj, and piv Warnings: dissociation, flashbacks to torture, allusions to forced prostitution and branding, Astarion wants sex but it's complicated™ Enjoy under the cut!

Astarion stepped out of the trees as he had rehearsed a dozen times that night. "There you are. You've had me waiting."

Tav smiled at him in the moonlight, her arms and hips swaying playfully as she approached. They both met within arm's reach of one another as Astarion leered into her eyes.

"Waiting since the moment I first laid eyes on you. Waiting…to have--"

A slender finger pressed against his lips.

He glared at her, drawing his brows. How dare you! Really. You want me to just shut up and have your way with--??

"Quit trying so hard," she chuckled.

'Trying so hard?' Hardly! It worked on you, didn't it? And hundreds more!

He tried to keep his face even, hiding the storm that was always brewing in his head each time he did this. But this time it wasn't that she was bedding him, it was that she was insulting him while doing it--probably without even knowing it.

A single kiss jolted him from his brooding. A kiss very unlike the wet greedy prodding kisses he had had countless times. Or the timid virgin kisses he had experienced hundreds more. This one was a single kiss right on the tip of his cupid's bow. Chaste, yet electrifying.

Paralyzing.

It drew a shallow gasp from him, prompting an impish grin from Tav as she pulled away.

What was she doing?!

The moonlight danced in her eyes for a moment, before she leaned in again. Hands snaking up his neck, fingers slithering up his scalp, gently pulling his head down for another kiss--this time on his brow. He took it as a prompt to smooth his wrinkled forehead, to release the growing tension from his face.

This was wrong--somehow. He couldn't quite pin down why.

An unconvincing scoff was the best he could manage. "What's next, darling? Holding hands?"

Tav broke the kiss and looked down at him, rolling her eyes with a smile. Her fingers traced back down his neck, his shoulders, lightly ghosting down his arms, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. Her eyes followed her fingers, and Astarion gazed anxiously, trying to read those eyes in vain. Her fingers intertwined with his, and she gently pulled his hand up to her face. A playful smirk, and another kiss landed on his knuckles.

Some dark feeling stirred in the pit of his stomach. The reigns were gone now. He had no comeback this time.

"Are you alright?" She rested her chin on his fingers.

Stop it. He wanted to say.

"Yes, I'm fine!" he said abruptly.

She stepped back, blinking in confusion.

"Just…!" He sighed sharply, grabbed her shoulders, and pulled her in, kissing her the only way he knew: Deeply. Intensely. Waiting for her to melt into his embrace like they always did.

Eventually, she did. Uncertainly. Perhaps even reluctantly. His victims didn't often react like this but it always put a knot in his stomach whenever they did. They never wanted any of this.

He never wanted any of this.

But if anything, Cazador probably found that all the more gratifying.

Why am I even thinking about him right now??

Just do it.

Just ignore it.

Stop thinking!

All mantras he told himself and prayers to Tav to keep just keep going along. Dreading the moment she would push him away and he would have to look at her.

An increasingly familiar sensation pushed into his mind. Prying. Seeking answers that would not satisfy. Her tadpole linking with his. He could feel her emotions. Anxiety. Confusion. Concern.

Concern?!

To hells with her concern! His tadpole violently banished hers from his mind.

Get out!

As her tadpole withdrew, so did Tav, breaking their kiss with a full step back.

"I had a feeling something was amiss. What are you even doing?" Tav murmured.

A fair question, actually. Astarion stared over his shoulder at the first thing that caught his eye--a tuft of grass--still dreading the notion of meeting her eyes.

"Did I knock you off your rhythm?" Tav gently teased.

"Heh." was the only syllable he could manage.

"Look," she gestured to herself. "You got me here. Consider me seduced. You don't need to keep trying to convince me how beautiful and charming you are."

Then why was she making him doubt it? Why was he the one left like putty in her hands? Powerless?

Astarion dared to look at her. Her tadpole had only skimmed a sliver of the surface, it seemed. Sure, he was starting to doubt his own beauty and charm tonight, but Tav had no idea that she was the reason.

He had worked this hard, planned it all out, his first time where the target and the outcome was his choice. 200 years of practice at seducing pretty things, only to be immediately outclassed. She had instincts he didn't have--instincts to wrap a lover around her finger so effortlessly, put them at ease. An ease that paradoxically set him on edge. He would have been jealous if he wasn't so intimidated by it.

"A--uh," Astarion calculated his next words carefully with an artificial smile. "A sophisticated woman like you doesn't come around often."

Tav rolled her eyes with a friendly grin.

"I'm sorry," Astarion pouted playfully. "But I just knew I had to pull out all the stops if I was going to sweep you off your feet."

Tav raised an eyebrow, reaching for his shoulders. "I don't know how you could possibly think I wouldn't want you, silly. Just give me a moment to make you feel good, too."

His unbeating heart lurched uncomfortably. He'd heard that promise before, but this time he was starting to believe it.

"Could I convince you to relax?" she cupped his cheeks in her hands.

He closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath.

She got onto her knees, gently pulling him to the ground with her. Her hands caressed his neck and shoulders.

It took Astarion a moment to realize what Tav was doing. He laid down, trying to enjoy the way Tav had to lean over him now.

"You know, if you're looking for my erogenous zones--"

"Shhh." She began kneading his muscles--and he suddenly realized how tense they were.

He really wasn't used to this.

Cazador's touches used to mock him with gentleness before beating and tearing into his flesh.

But still…

There was something here that his master's depraved mind could never hope to mimic. Something he couldn't quite articulate.

"W-why…?"

"Hmm?" Tav hummed.

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"Doing what, massaging you?" Tav chuckled.

"Well…yes."

Her hands paused. "Do you want me to stop?"

Astarion hesitated a moment, and closed his eyes. "…no, actually."

She continued to rub deep into his neck, releasing a soreness to the surface he hadn't even realized was there, before it dissipated into her fingers. He let a small contented sigh escape his lips. The vulnerability was nauseating, but he couldn't help himself.

"I just want to know why you're…?" He finally dared open his eyes and gaze at Tav.

She blinked at him. Something about the question had her taken aback.

"Well," she quickly resumed her work on his shoulders. "Isn't it the point of us messing around? To feel good?"

"Ohh, THAT'S why we're having a roll in the hay!" Astarion conjured a smirk. "I almost forgot."

"Cheeky." Tav rolled her eyes and sat back as Astarion got on his elbows. "Now turn over."

A sudden chill gripped him. "…Turn over?"

"Yes, let me get your back."

He froze in place for a moment, before something automatic in him obeyed. He loathed himself for it immediately, burying his face in the grass. All those years, he had taken great care that they never saw his back. He never allowed it. His fingers clawed at the dirt.

This is different. It's all different now.

Was it, though?

The air felt still and chilly. Tav hadn't touched his exposed back. Stripped only to his waist, he still felt more naked then ever under her eyes. He never knew just how bad the scars looked, but he was sure they were stark even under the dim moonlight.

"Well?" He growled into the dirt.

Silently, cautiously, her hands returned to his neck and shoulders, checking their completed work before drifting down.

"Does it hurt?" Tav asked, running a firm palm up his spine, brushing each bump and ridge as gently as she could but the friction was unavoidable.

"No," Astarion lied.

Every corner of his mind willed in vain for his muscles to relax, only for them to spasm. Mercifully, it only took two attempts at working his shoulder blades before Tav gave up, realizing that each touch only knotted his muscles further. She tapped his arm and he took it as a queue to roll back over.

He really couldn't meet her eyes this time, fixing his gaze on the stars. But he could still feel Tav searching his face.

"You're beautiful, you know." she finally said.

Those words rang hollow in his mind. Not because she was lying; she sounded sincere. But she said those words like a reasurring friend rather than a starstruck lover.

He had no power over her.

He had no power.

He was like a trembling virgin under her. Did she know that?

But they had already gone this far--and Astarion was loathe to end the night on such an awkward note. He swallowed his humiliation and reached for her waist, squeezing the fabric and flesh underneath.

"Thank you," he said, finding his most convincing smile.

She returned the smile, apparently satisfied that she had reassured him from some vain little insecurity about those unsightly blemishes on his back, and let his hand guide her hips to straddle his waist.

The relief was palpable as he fell back into his rhythm. He grabbed a handful of her shirt and pulled her down for a deep kiss, groping her breast. She fell right in line, leaning into the kiss and ghosting a hand over his ribs.

Astarion pulled Tav's shirt over her head before rolling over her and removing her pants.

He appraised this conquest in her full glory. He had taken so many pretty things to their last ecstasy, and this one would have certainly been a candidate if her timing had been less fortunate. But he had a feeling that she may have instead led him to his own doom.

Not that he would complain, all things considered.

She pushed him off and pounced on top, decorating his body with her kisses. He threw his head back, feeling the sensations, begging for them to wash over and carry him away. He just needed to get out of his head. Focus on her. The way she seemed to take inventory of every gasp of pleasure he made, as Cazador had taken inventory of every shriek.

Astarion shut his eyes, screwing his mind to focus on his own skin. Tav traced the lines of his lower abdomen, awakening a warm arousal.

It was his pleasure. All his.

And yet, it still didn't feel like his.

Her hands explored his hips, her mouth explored his waist, teeth tugging at his pants. Astarion groaned and grabbed a handful of her hair.

"Eager pup," He rasped.

Tav scoffed, warm breath sweeping across his skin. "As if you didn't grope and strip me of every thread just now."

Astarion shuddered as her lips found where his belly met his pelvis.

"Make some noise, lover boy." Tav murmured between kisses. "Let me hear you."

"Shut UP, boy! The more you scream, the more I'll have to do over." Cazador never made mistakes. It was always something Astarion did that made his blade slip.

Astarion forced out a stifled grunt.

Tav sighed. In a single flick of surprising strength, she yanked his trousers from his hips, which earned a proper yelp out of him.

"There we go."

The blood Astarion had drained from that bear last night, which still left him quite full, rushed to his cheeks. He felt his cock twitch.

"You're so warm tonight," Tav mused, settling herself between his legs.

This was a very different kind of attention, he had barely touched her, and already--

Tav traced a lazy finger up an engorged vein, studying his face.

Astarion hissed and threw his head back. He gained some composure but his voice was strained. "I get cold when I haven't had blood in a while."

"Hmm, I'll have keep that in mind." The pad of Tav's finger circled the head and his eyes fluttered shut. "You do look rather cute when you're full of blood. All rosy."

If that counted as praise or just really good flattery, Astarion was getting too delirious to tell.

"Perhaps I should volunteer to keep feeding you myself." Tav's voice lowered to a rasp. "Would you like that?"

Damn, she was good. Astarion found himself nodding

"Would you?" She asked again, squeezing him gently and eliciting a gasp from him.

"Would you like me to stop?" Cazador dragged his dagger through Astarion's flesh. "Are you still screaming like a child??"

"Would you like to taste me, every single night? Drink me to your fill? "

"Only if you taste me first," Astarion blurted out the first comeback he could think of.

Tav didn't miss a beat. She devoured him down to the base.

His elbows collapsed under him. He arched his back and shoulders from the ground and cried at the stars above. A frantic wandering hand found her hair and balled it in a fist.

She swallowed around him and a pathetic little whine erupted from his throat. Caressing fingers ghosted his hips in encouragement.

Tav bobbed her head up and down at an excruciatingly slow pace. Each time releasing him from her mouth but still tracing a tongue at his tip before mercifully consuming him again.

Astarion groaned. "Ugh, I…don't think I've had a lover ever go this slow!" Probably a lie. But then again, he couldn't recall any memories to the contrary.

Tav smiled around his cock. "Good," her voice was muffled.

He groaned again in impatience, pulling at her head down to get some pleasure and some semblance of control.

Tav gagged on him, "Alrighh, alrighh!" she said around his cock, bobbing faster.

His pleasure quickly mounted. But when Tav dug her nails into his hips, it went beyond him.

A high strained whine escaped his throat, barely holding the urge to come as he shoved her off of him. "Not yet!"

Tav leaned back on the grass, enjoying her handiwork as Astarion panted to regain his composure.

"I like those cute little noises you make." She cocked her head and bobbed a leg from side to side. Trying to look coy. And succeeding.

"I'll show you cute little noises in a moment." Astarion lowered his voice to a growl.

"Oh, will you now?" Tav smirked, already playfully on her knees before he could jump on her. Clever girl. Astarion scrambled to his own knees.

They were at this strange sexual impasse. Two seducers, going toe to toe in this intricate little dance. And if they were keeping score, Astarion was lagging behind.

"You're a vision." Astarion coughed up the first hollow compliment he could think of, eyes quickly scanning her body. It was enough to make most of targets go weak for him.

Tav smiled kindly but impatiently. She leaned forward into a kiss. Running her hands up his arms, to his shoulders. Without warning she fell back, pulling Astarion on top of her.

Oh, this he could do.

He pressed his body over hers, letting her close her eyes and softly moan at the sensation of skin on skin. Vulnerable. He nibbled at her ear, her jawline, her bottom lip. His tongue prodded for entrance then artfully danced in her mouth.

He trailed kisses down her jaw, mingling at her neck, flicking his tongue across her collarbone. At length, he settled his face between her breasts, deciding that the left one was his favorite. He began to gently nip at it, while he palmed the other breast.

Tav hummed, either in quiet satisfaction or a hint of impatience.

Astarion contemplated teasing her, but truth be told he just wanted this over with. His kisses drifted to her sternum, to her stomach…before slender fingers tugged at his ear. He looked up at her.

Tav regarded him for a moment. "I want to see your face. I'm ready."

Again, feeling as intimidated as a virgin, Astarion slowly slid back up her body, trying to muster the courage to look into her eyes.

He propped his elbows on either side of Tav's head, and reluctantly his eyes flickered to her face.

She had a warm, reassuring smile.

Astarion couldn't stop himself from clenching his teeth. What was there to reassure, anyway? He didn't care how experienced Tav could be, his body count would still dwarf her own, guaranteed.

Tav's brow began to furrow before Astarion dipped his cock just beneath the surface of her entrance. She let out a shuddering moan, letting her eyes close.

Fucking finally. He had her.

A dip out to coat himself in her lubrication and then he slid fully in. Tav's lips parted and she gasped, her eyes now half-lidded, and their bodies began to rock together.

Astarion never claimed to be the biggest, so it didn't take long at all for her to adjust to him before he propped himself up and picked up the pace.

He pumped his hips into her, rolling them just as he had been taught. He hesitated a moment to straighten his back. Why did he still care about keeping form? It wasn't like he was back at the manor. Back at the "parties." There was no Cazador here, watching to provide any "feedback" later.

He shut his eyes and thrust into her at a rapid pace. Numbing his his mind, his favorite thing to do was count the thrusts until his mark came. He had counted to thirteen before Tav interrupted him.

"Astarion?"

Astarion's attention snapped to reality, but his rhythm was too practiced to falter, though he was a bit peeved to lose count. "What is it, pet?" he panted.

She stared at him as he continued to thrust into her, but her face showed no pleasure. In fact, it was frustration.

"What's wrong?" Her voice lowered into something so serious it was nearly comical in this situation.

"What do you mean?" Astarion wore a lazy smirk, trying to angle himself to hit an ever-so-popular spot, that ought to shut her up.

"Get off."

He paused and looked at her scowl. Yes, she was serious.

Furious, Astarion pulled out and shoved himself off. His first time choosing to have a roll in the hay, the first time he didn't have to think about his body being someone's death sentence. Only to be brutally rejected like this.

All those times, he wandered now, was his allure even him? Or was it some spell from his master?

"What do you even want here?" Tav sat up in a huff.

"What do you want?" Astarion shot back.

"I don't know," Tav narrowed her eyes at him. "Maybe to feel like I'm wanted?"

"Why do you think I invited you here?!" He spat.

Tav shrugged in exasperation. "If I wanted a well-oiled piston, I'd buy one from an artificer!"

"It's called skill, darling." Venom began to drip from his words. "Maybe one day you'll know what it looks like."

"Fuck skill, give me enthusiasm! If you're not enjoying it, then what's the point?!" Tav shook her head, scrambling to her feet. "If fucking me is such a chore, then you're relieved."

"Wait." Astarion reached out, but Tav was already out of his grasp. But she mercifully paused to look down at him.

His mind was a flurry of thoughts. "How…? You think I wasn't enjoying myself?"

Tav rolled her eyes. "I've had to fake it a time or two. I know what it looks like."

So she was one of those who cared about it being "real." But hells if he knew what real looked like anymore.

"But why do you care?" He frowned at Tav.

"Because I'm…sane?" She wrinkled her nose. "Not deranged? What kind of question is that?!" Her voice grew heated in offense. But after a pause, she softened a bit and sighed, sitting back down.

"Look, I'm not gonna ask any more on…whatever is going on with you right now. But I like you--so far--and there's no point doing any of this if you're not enjoying it. You'll be miserable, I'll be unsatisfied, and we'll both waste our time."

She treated this like it was basic, obvious. Maybe it was.

Gasps, moans of pleasure, nails digging in--those were just feedback to Astarion. His way of knowing that he was doing the right thing, touching the right spot. All those times seeing their pleasure was the goal, but never the prize.

It just then hit him. How utterly broken he was. A perfect mechanical doll, with skills honed to a degree that a courtesan could only dream of, but the part of him that would know something so fundamental as sharing pleasure with someone--broken.

He laughed bitterly.

Tav got dressed quickly, and stared down at Astarion. He was practically catatonic, lost in these thoughts.

"Here," she offered a hand.

He took it wordlessly and she pulled him to his feet, handing him his pants.

"We can try another night, if you're up for it." Her voice was so gentle.

He hated it, being treated like he was so fragile. But maybe he was. He didn't want to contemplate that possibility.

He couldn't remember the last time he felt so humiliated putting his clothes back on.

"Well, I'll…" Tav looked uncharactaristically awkward, and frankly Astarion found it unbecoming of this dangerously charming companion of his. "I'll see you at camp."

She stepped back, studying his face one last time before walking back into the trees towards the distant firelight.

Astarion backed up into the nearest tree and slid down, not even caring how it scraped his skin.

And for the first time in a very long time, Astarion allowed himself to shed a frustrated tear.

#astarion #Astarion fanfic #baldur's gate fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #bg 3 astarion #astarion bg3 #bg3 astarion #astarion baldurs gate #astarion x tav

[btsficsandsuch]

Hello~

Is there any possibility for me to request a min yoongi demon that was unintentionally summoned but angsty if possible you can decide how it ends. Thank you!

I hope this is okay. I just started reading AU fics myself so I have never written anything like this before. I didn’t make this that angsty but I can add another chapter and really pile on the angst and maybe more if you’d like.

Warning: Mentions of demons/demon related things. Slight mention of assault and death of a family member.

An Ungodly Dream

Looking at the old book in your hands it honestly made you chuckle. You read the title again ‘Book of Conjurings, Spells, and Hymns’. Out of all the things you expected to find while cleaning out your grandmothers attic this was not it. You figured she probably got it at a thrift store or something and didn’t really know what it was. Her mind had slowly been deteriorating towards the end you told yourself. You never really believed in any thing like this so the book was pretty comical in your opinion. You only took it to use as a Halloween decoration for the upcoming holiday.

Feeling silly for even having the book in your apartment you placed it out of sight in your closet to store away until you decided to put up the rest of your decor and went to get some work done. After a few hours you decided a break was much needed and you fell down onto your bed to take a nap. Unfortunately your mind kept wandering to the book in your closet. “It doesn’t hurt just to take a look right? Maybe read a few pages.”, you thought to yourself. Grabbing the book you plopped back down on your bed and opened up to a random page. The title simple stated ‘Demons’ followed by step by step instructions on how to conjure up a demon. “What is this some kind of twisted cookbook?”, you thought to your self as you read on.

You had to admit the “spell” was pretty catchy and well written. Just as you were about to turn to the next page you heard a loud bang followed by shouting which startled you causing you to slice your finger on the paper of the book, drawing blood that dropped down onto the page. Your crazy neighbors were arguing again and even though this was almost a daily occurrence it always made you jump. “Stupid neighbors. I can’t wait to move out of here.”, you said as you got up to get a bandaid tossing the book on your bed.

After cleaning the paper cut and wrapping it in a bandaid you walked back to your room but stopped at the doorway unable to enter the room due to fear. You don’t have a roommate, you don’t have a boyfriend, you hardly even have friends but sitting on your bed is a strange man. He had jet black hair and dark eyes that really stood out against his pale white skin. He was beautiful in a mysterious way. But he was also a stranger who had broken into your apartment.

“Excuse me can I help you? What are you doing here?”, you asked. The man looked up glaring at you but didn’t speak. Your skin felt warm. “Hello? Why are you in my apartment? You need to leave or I’m calling the police.”, you said again. The man stood up still glaring at you. “You’re the one that called me here.”, he spoke. His voice much deeper than you expected.

“I called you here? I did no such thing.”, you said with a hint of annoyance. “That’s it. I’m calling the police.”, you said beginning to walk back to the kitchen where your phone was currently charging. You were stopped when something grabbed your wrist, something ice cold. You turned around and came face to face with the man that was formerly sitting on your bed. His hand was freezing, cold to the point it hurt. He smelled lightly of smoke and pine. It reminded you of being at a bonfire in the woods and if he wasn’t a stranger who broke into your home and was not basically assaulting you then you’d find it comforting. “You don’t want to do that.”, he spoke again.

“Listen I don’t have any money or anything of value but you can take whatever you want. Just don’t hurt me. Please.”, you whispered. You closed your eyes unable to face whatever he was going to do next. “I’m not going to hurt you. I mean, not unless you give me a reason to have to hurt you.”, he whispered right back. “Seriously, what do you want? Who are you?”, you asked trying to put a space in between the two of you. You watched him slowly walk over to the bed and grab the book that you had been reading earlier. He opened it and began flipping through the pages until he found what he was looking for and he handed you the book. Looking down at the page your head began to spin, you felt sick to your stomach, you couldn’t catch your breath. The top of the page stood the word ‘Demons’.

You began laughing. “I have to say most people don’t usually laugh when they meet me”, the man spoke. “I’m laughing because this has to be some crazy dream. Demons aren’t real.”, you said. Quickly the man walked up to you and took your hands in his, “Does this not feel real to you Y/N?”

“How do you know my name?”, you said pushing him away from you. “I know a lot more than you think.”, he smirked. Now you were getting irritated. “Really like what?”, you demanded. You wanted to smack the smirk right off of his beautiful face you thought. “I know that you graduated from West High School, that your favorite color is purple, you hate seafood, you got that book from your grandmothers house after she passed away. I know that currently you’re thinking how you wish you could smack this smirk right off my beautiful face.” You could feel your face heating up. He continued, “I also know that your neighbor is about to knock on your door and ask to borrow a cup of sugar.” That got a chuckle from you, “Okay I am definitely dreaming. There’s no way something lik-“. You were cut off by a knock at your door. Side eyeing the man in your room you made your way to the front door and saw your sweet 86 year old neighbor ‘Mary’. “Hi Y/N. I’m so sorry to bother you. I had such a hankering for cookies and just realized I’m out of sugar. Could I borrow a cup? I’ll be sure to bring you back some after I get to the store.”, she smiled. Unable to speak you walked to the kitchen and grabbed the bag of sugar to hand to your neighbor. “Thank you so much dear. I’ll bring you some cookies tomorrow too. Be the way, you should really turn the heat down in your apartment. Too much heat can make you sick. It’s ungodly hot in there.”, Mary said. “You have no idea.”, you smiled and closed the door.

You stopped in the kitchen to grab a drink of water to try and calm yourself down but you almost choked when a deep voice came up behind you, “You know it’s pretty rude to not offer a guest anything to drink.” “I’m sorry. I didn’t know demons drank water. What if I accidentally give you holy water?”, you spat. “So what are you going to do with me? Possess me? Take me down to your cave in hell? Make me sign a contract in exchange for my soul?”, you asked. The man rolled his eyes, “How many terrible horror movies have you watched?” “So what are you going to do with me?”, you asked once again. He sighed, “You’re the one that summoned me Y/N. You tell me what you want me to do with you?”, he said again with that smirk you hated but loved. “I’d like you to do a lot of things with me?”, you thought to yourself. The man chuckled, “I don’t think you could handle me in that way Y/N.” You could feel your cheeks heat up again. “Okay new rule. No listening to my thoughts.”, you snapped. “I can’t really help it but I will try to not let you know that I know.”, he smiled. “Can’t you just go back to where you came from? I obviously did this on accident and I don’t have a reason for you to be here.”, you asked. If you didn’t know this man was a demon you’d think he looked a little hurt at your harsh words.

“I can’t go back until you release me.”, he whispered. “Okay fine. How can we do that? Just say the spell again?”, you asked trying not to sound as agitated. He shook his head, “I’m afraid it’s not that simple Y/N. There’s a lot that goes into it.” You bit your lip, “Okay well we can figure it out. In the mean time, do you have a name? Or would you just prefer me to call you Lucifer or something?” The man rolled his eyes before coming to stand next to you, “You’re really trying to throw every demon stereotype out there aren’t you Y/N? Actually my name is Yoongi.”

#bts fanfic #bts #bts x reader #bts yoongi #yoongi x reader #yoongi fanfic #yoongi angst #bts imagines #min yoongi #suga #yoongi x y/n #yoongi #yoongi imagine #bts angst #bts au fanfic #yoongi au

[jeysbvck]

there's still a thread (that runs from your body to mine)

i'm back with another fic!! this one is for the absolutely wonderful & talented zaynee, who not only sent in a prompt, but its also their day today!! happy birthday bff!!🥳❤️ i hope you enjoy this fic but enjoy your day more!!🤭

[smut, 18+, read at your own risk]

taglist; @wrestlezaynia @loki69zowens @crxssjae @nightmare-viper @paigereeder @wrestlingprincess80 @southerngirl41 @alyyaanna @xtripleiiix

word count; 2.8k

summary; Kevin & Sami haven't seen - or spoke to each other for 3 months since Kevin broke it off & moved to Smackdown. That all changes when they're in the same place for the Royal Rumble, & Kevin can't take it any longer.

Sami lay on the bed, atop the sheets, staring up at the ceiling, replaying the same memory that had been on repeat in his mind for months. He didn't just see it when he closed his eyes; he saw it when he was awake too, when he wasn't occupied. Which is why he spent so much of his free time in the gym or working on ideas for his storylines, just so his brain wouldn't be free to think about Kevin. He'd even started crashing with Jey at hotels when they were booked together; the guy was always on. It never seemed quiet enough around him, and it helped Sami. Until Jey fell asleep, and Sami lay in the twin bed next to him, wide awake and his brain began to play the movie Sami hated so much.

Tonight, Sami was in his room alone, and once again, that fucking awful film started to play, and all Sami could do was watch.

"We can't do this anymore."

Kevin's words echoed around the room and into Samis’ ears, like he'd just used a blare horn to announce it. Sami thought everything was great between them. Sure, he felt Kevin pulling away slightly, but he had convinced himself he was just busy. It had been a busy time in the company, so it was a simple conclusion to draw. How hadn't Sami seen this coming? He thought he knew Kevin like the back of his hand.

“What do you mean?” Sami had asked. He'd hoped he was mistaken, that Kevin meant something else; but he knew deep down it was exactly what it sounded like. He stayed on Kevins’ chest, not wanting to move, like if he didn't move, this wouldn't happen.

“I'm going to Smackdown.” Kevin replied quietly. Now Sami was really confused. Why did Kevin going to Smackdown mean they have to break up?

“Okay, so?” Sami questioned. “We can work around that. It's only for a few weeks at the most, right?”

Kevins’ heartbeat quickened underneath Samis’ head. “No.” Kevin sighed. “I'm being traded to Smackdown because Jey came to Raw.”

“Oh.” Sami whispered. He could still feel the way his heart was splintering. “They chose you?”

“Um, they didn't exactly choose me, Sami.” Kevin told him. “I, uh- It was my idea.”

The room began to spin, Samis’ splintering heart now completely broken, he could feel the pieces stabbing him in the chest. He lifted his head off Kevin's chest and stared at the man next to him. ‘You volunteered? Why?”

Kevin stared at Sami, the glint in the red-haired man's eye that Kevin loved so much had been replaced with sadness.

“I- I need space.” Kevin replied, sighing. He knew everything would change after Wrestlemania, especially after they finally fell in bed together after hitting the highest highs of winning the tag titles on the biggest stage of the industry. Kevin had wanted this for so long and tried so hard to pretend he hadn't been in love with his best friend for years; once they had explored each other's bodies in such an intimate way, Kevin was hooked.

They never spoke about it, though. They never spoke about what it meant. They never spoke about their feelings. Both men would have a plan to do so, but whenever they were alone; it ended up in a quick make-out session, some heavy petting, and once in their shared hotel room, they couldn't hold back.

It got too much for Kevin; they seemed to be on the same page, but how could he know for sure? He was too afraid to bring it up, too afraid to vocalise that his love ran deeper than friendship. He thought this was enough, but it was weighing on him, like he was Atlas, holding up the world on his shoulders. Kevin knew Sami looked at him like he was responsible for the stars in the sky, but he also noticed that it was a running theme for Sami. He looked at everyone he cared about with so much love in his eyes that Kevin wasn't sure he was special. He needed space to breathe, and he couldn't do that around Sami. The man took his breath away every time.

“Space?” Sami repeated. He scoffed and threw the sheets off, swinging his leg off the bed. “So, you're leaving me?”

Kevin's heart fractured at those three words. It's what he was doing, right? He wanted to tell Sami that he loved him more than he could ever put into words, but that wasn't fair. He was running away, so how could he profess his love? Instead, he watched silently as Sami stood up. He took in every part of the man's naked form; if this was the way their story ended, he needed every hair, every freckle, every scar, every imperfection that made up Sami Zayn seared into his brain.

But when Sami started packing his bag and pulled the black zip-up hoodie over his shoulders, Kevin scrambled out of the bed. “Wait, Sami, what are you doing?”

Sami chuckled humourlessly. “What do you think? I can't stay here, Kev.”

“No, stop! Please!” Kevin begged, reaching out to Sami, who stepped away from the gesture. “Not like this, just one more ni-”

Sami hauled the strap of the black bag over his shoulder and shook his head. “You did this, Kev, not me.”

“I know, but-” Kevin sighed and sat back on the bed, defeated. “Where will you go?”

“I'll crash with Jey.” Sami replied, turning his back on Kevin, unaware of the tears filling his eyes. “Good luck on Smackdown.” Sami sighed. “I hope it was worth it.”

-

A loud, continuous knock on the wooden door pulled Sami out of his thoughts. It wasn't Jey. He had a very specific knock to let Sami know it was him, and he wasn't expecting anyone; so he ignored it. Until it became more frantic, and Sami groaned out loud.

“Alright, alright!” He shouted, “I'm coming!”

He made the mistake of not checking through the peephole, and he froze when he answered the door, not expecting Kevin to be standing there. It was the first time in four months that he'd lay eyes on him, at least in person, and Samis’ heart raced.

Sami knew he was going to see Kevin tonight at the Royal Rumble. Kevin was on the match card, and Sami was coming back from his break as a surprise entrant. He'd even seen Kevin backstage. He pretended he hadn't, of course, but he wasn't expecting him to be standing outside his room. Sami was very aware he was half naked, in just a pair of sweatpants, his hair still drying from his shower, and as he stared at Kevin, Sami knew Kevin was trying hard not to check him out, which made Sami blush.

“Hey.” Kevin said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Hey, man.” Sami replied. “You're not room service.”

A small smile crept on Kevins' lips, and he shrugged. “I mean, I brought a protein bar?” Kevin replied, pulling it from his pocket, and Sami let out a real laugh, the sound like music to Kevins’ ears as the smile on his face turned into a grin.

The sweet moment was fleeting as Samis’ face fell slightly, as if he'd momentarily forgotten everything that had happened. “What are you doing here, Kevin?”

“Oh, um- I-” He cleared his throat, ready to say whatever came to mind. “I just wanted to say-” He sighed, chickening out and instead saying, “Welcome back.”

Sami sighed. He didn't know what he was hoping for, but he was disappointed anyway. “Well, thanks, I guess.”

He began to close the door but was stopped by Kevins’ palm slamming against it. “Wait, please?”

Sami was instantly transported back to the last time Kevin begged him to wait, and this time, he obliged. He opened the door wider and stared expectantly. Kevin felt the pressure, still feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders, but he refused to look away. He was finally looking into the eyes of the man he loved, and he would keep doing it for as long as he was allowed.

“Well, what do you wanna sa-?”

“I miss you.” Kevin blurted out. He watched as Samis’ demeanour changed, the way his eyes softened, and his shoulders slumped slightly.

“Kev…”

“Sami.” Kevin pleaded. “I know I said we couldn't do this anymore, but I need you. Please.”

Kevin wasn't expecting Sami to fold like a deck of cards, especially not so quickly. But he didn't know how much it took for Sami not to answer the phone when Kevin drunk dialled him or when Kevin texted him at three AM at the beginning of this whole mess. Kevin had haunted Sami this whole time, and Sami wondered if Kevin felt the same way. He thought he couldn't handle opening himself up to Kevin again, only to have to say goodbye again, but now — Sami didn't care. He needed Kevin as much as Kevin needed him.

Sami threw himself at Kevin, his lips finding where they needed to be. Kevin stiffened up, shocked, but he fell into the kiss quickly, melting into Sami as his hands fell on his naked waist, pulling him closer — not that they could get any closer.

“Are you sure?” Kevin mumbled into Samis’ mouth. Sami nodded, pulling Kevin into the room, refusing to break the embrace.

Kevin kicked the door shut, his hands gripping Samis’ waist so tight, like someone was going to take him away. But he also pulled from the kiss, and when Sami whined, Kevin chuckled. “Seriously, Sami, are you sure about this? I know I hurt yo-”

“Kevin, shut up.” Sami told him, his eyes dark with lust. “I'm sure.” 

Kevins’ eyes widened, his shorts tightening at the front as he stared at Sami, his eyebrow cocked, a shit-eating smirk on his face. Kevin licked his lips and pulled Sami back into him — hands desperately clutching at one another, pulling the other closer until their bodies were almost one.

“Why am I the only one semi naked?” Sami asked, breathlessly with Kevins’ mouth on his neck, his teeth nipping at his skin. Kevin responded by untying his shorts and pulling them as far as he could without removing his mouth from Samis’ skin. Sami helped Kevin push the shorts and his boxers down his thighs, then wrapped his long fingers around Kevins’ thick cock.

Kevin gasped into Samis’ mouth, his cock twitching under the man's touch. Sami grinned as Kevin began to rock against his hand, and he gripped his length tighter.

Kevin pushed Sami backwards, right up to the bed, before pushing him down onto the mattress. Sami looked up at him, his lustful eyes so full of love. He'd been wondering if this moment would ever come again if he would ever feel this way again, and now it was happening. He wanted to savour every moment.

Kevin seemed to have the same idea. He raked his eyes over Samis’ body as he lay below him. Noting the extra scars that he had acquired over the months they'd been apart, wondering which matches they had come from, which opponent had added to the painting on Samis’ physique. He watched Sami pull at the strings at the front of his sweatpants and buck his hips as he undressed, completely enthralled by the sight of Sami undressing for him.

He dropped to his knees and took over, pulling the black pants down and over his ankles, before running the palm of his hands up Samis' legs slowly. Sami shivered as Kevins’ hands followed the path of goosebumps up his shins, his knees, right up to his thighs. The tips of his fingers grazed the inside of Samis’ thighs, making him groan at the touch, and Kevin watched as Samis’ cock twitched. He felt his own strain against his shorts, but he ignored it. Right now, it was all about Sami and his pleasure.

He ran his hands over his thighs, lifting himself up further, watching as Samis' face contorted with pleasure. His hips bucked, begging Kevin to touch him in the place he needed the most. His fingers teased the red hair around Samis’ cock, before he slowly wrapped them around the base of his cock. Sami groaned, rutting against Kevins’ hand, throwing his back as Kevin took most of Sami in his mouth.

“Fffffuck, Kevin!”

Kevins’ hands found Samis’ balls, and he massaged them as he let Sami fuck his mouth, his tongue swirling around every bit of the erection it could touch.

“Kev, oh fuck, you're gonna make me-”

Kevin pushed Samis’ cock further into his mouth, and when his thighs gripped Kevins’ head, he grasped his cock with one hand, pumping it with the same rhythm his mouth was making. “Kev, fuck, please!”

Kevin pulled his mouth off Sami, spit threading from Samis’ cock to Kevins’ lips, Sami almost orgasming at the sight alone. “Kev, I need you.”

Kevin bit his bottom lip as he hovered over Sami, the desire shared between both of them. They could see the love the other had in their eyes, and it was clear to the two of them that this was It. Even before the first time, Sami had been head over heels for Kevin. There was always something between them, an invisible red string tying them to each other. The past three months had been hell on Earth, and now it was Heaven.

Kevin inched his face towards Samis’, and Sami sat up, meeting Kevin halfway. The kiss was soft, delicate like butterfly wings, but it soon became more intense — deeper, their tongues almost battling for dominance. Kevin reluctantly pulled away, but the whine that slipped Samis’ lips was worth it. Kevin smirked as he ran his thumb over the ginger man's bottom lip, before he dragged it over his chin and down to his neck, to his collarbone, flicking his nipple before he slipped the hand in between their legs.

Kevin wrapped his hand around his own cock, pumping a couple of times before he positioned himself at Samis’ entrance. He arched his eyebrow, and Sami nodded.

“I need you.” Sami repeated, and Kevin leaned down to kiss him once again as he slowly eased himself into Sami. The redhead was tight, and Kevin moaned, forcing himself to go slow, not to cause Sami even more pain than he might already be experiencing.

“Fuck, Sami, you feel so good around me.” Kevin groaned, making Sami pull the bigger man in by the neck for a kiss. As Sami eased into the motion, he raised his hips, finding a rhythm against Kevins’ own thrusts. Soon, their moans were in sync with their actions, their kiss slow as they rocked against each other.

“Kev…” Sami breathed, his head rolling backwards as Kevin peppered his throat with kisses. “I missed you so much.”

“Sami, oh fuck, I missed you too.” Kevin replied. “So. Fucking. Much.”

Sami groaned, his nails digging into Kevins’ shoulder blades as their thrusts became quicker. “Kev, please, I'm gonna-”

“Sami, oh, fuck. Come for me.” Kevin whispered against Samis’ neck, his hand grabbing Samis’ cock. Sami bucked and moaned loudly as he came undone, Kevin following after a few more thrusts as his name spilled from Sami.

Kevin pulled out and rolled off Sami as he wiped the curls from his forehead. Sami then turned to Kevin and pushed his head under his arm.

“So…” Sami said, closing his eyes as Kevin traced patterns on his bicep. “So,” Kevin repeated.

“Does this mean you changed your mind?” Sami asked quietly.

Sami felt Kevins’ chest rise and fall under him, and he braced himself for the reply. He had always thought he knew Kevin like the back of his hand, but he'd found out the hard way that he might not.

“I changed my mind when I was…you know, breaking it off.” Kevin confessed. “I didn't want to do it, I thought I needed to do it.”

Sami inhaled, and he put his on Kevins’ chest as he pushed himself up. “I understand, sort of.” Sami replied. “I wish you'd just talked to me, though.”

“I know, and I'm so fucking sorry, Sami.” Kevin said, resting his hand atop of Samis’.

“It's okay,” Sami nodded, squeezing his hand against Kevins as he laced their fingers together. “I forgive you, Mon Coeur.”

Sami touched his lips to Kevins softly, smiling at the way Kevin held Samis’ cheek. When he pulled away, Kevin pulled Sami in, their foreheads pressed together. “Je t'aime, Sami.”

Sami smiled and placed his head back on Kevins chest, closing his eyes. He was sure he could feel his heart repairing itself, and he knew that he and Kevin could get through this.

“Je t'aime, Kevin.”

#zowens fic #sami zayn x kevin owens fic #sami zayn x kevin owens #zowens #wwe fic #wwe fanfiction #zowens fanfiction #my writing* #smut writing

[raynavan]

heavy spoilers for chapter 23 of Always by your side by @ingo-ingoing-ingone!! this chapter was so fantastic i. didnt have words for it. ended up doing 6 (nearly 7) drawings for it instead. i think this is my record- it took me roughly 7 hours. a fair warning! this is both art and a comment to the fic in one. so its rather long!

ok i had an Unreasonable amount of fun doing the background on this one. ended up looking up a lot of the celestial bodies mentioned in the fic, man are they cool! it was implied that Emmet didn't really have a body so! stars instead. the colors were fun- i dont often let myself just. color like this haha! this one was... reall amazing. a fantastic opener! i immediately latched onto the visuals and painted a picture in my mind. it was just so... astronomical?

i actually struggled with how i was going to position these two for a while. at first it was just them coloring in a clearing- then i made them watching pokemon, and then. this! idk- there just something sweet in how Ingo turns around to look at Emmet and... lighting was funky for this one- how a forest shades the things beneath it will always hold a special place in my heart. these two interacting is always so wonderful to read. the gentle ribbing and teasing and... just them chilling and talking was so nice. the fact that it was dragons was even better! dragons are the best. i felt a very sweet and gentle moment needed an equally sweet and gentle drawing. if i could, i might have gone for line less on Ingo and Emmet here as well.

right- this was the last one i did. i think its the only one that i didn't get specifically from what was written. i just... wanted to give Emmet cuddles alright? /lh i had another sketch exploring exactly what Emmet might look, but i think ill revisit that when i... haven't been drawing for 7 hours straight hgfireohgope. the one in this is more simplified. the horror of having your face show one emotion- not even the one your most known for... your voice is toneless and the only was you can show even a fraction of what you feel is by copying what you (supposedly) dead brother used to do. there is a quiet horror in that- and yet Emmet still goes on. he cant feel texture and yet... he deserves many nice things.

this one!!! was originally going to be an Entire piece with a more "realistic" drawing of Ingo sitting behind a fire just like this. when i sketched this out (in the middle of reading it) that was the plan. Jedi saved me by making Emmet draw it like this. you saved me probably an hour ghirepoghpeirh. i... still might draw it how i wanted at some point. also the lighting was added last minute! i thought it would look... more messy with the light of the fire shining on it. i think it looks nice. the scene was sweet and, like Emmet mentioned he did, i put emphasis (or uh... thicker more defined lines) around peoples faces to better define their happiness. it made me happy to read them being happy and then draw them being happy <3

them!!!!!! i do not think it is a secret at All how much i love this au. i was More than happy to draw them again. and!!! being happy!!! perfect. i remembered this was a dream, and decided to blur the background quite a bit of this one- lopsided like its not really being thought about. adored this one. them!! teasing each other!! just!! going through a day!! perfect. amazing. it was really fun the way the small details of their routine was captured. from Ingo just. turning to goop so he doesn't have to pick up his clothes to Emmet just. accepting everything that happened from the mental connection to the shared feelings.

DRAMATIC FORESHORTENING!!!! i almost wanted to play it up More but then i might lose Ingo's expression. the background for this was fun to do- emphasis! strong colors!! looks like something broke. like something was torn away. this whole bit is just. exactly what Emmet fears and its just. ough. Ingo would never do this- we know this, Emmet knows this two- he knows how ridiculous Ingo was being here. and then the climax with Emmet just... falling off... amazing. Ingo's horrified expression is what caught my attention here, though i had a few more ideas depicting Ingo leaning over Emmet. i figured a dramatic drawing here would fit.

so! there ya go. i had. so much fun doing this and! thank you so much for writing this and sharing with us Jedi. if you keep this up, ill just have to keep making more drawings!! i don't think words are enough- not even sure if these can properly express how i felt reading it all (i actual had to get up and pace around bc i got so excited) but! i think that your art inspired my own art is a very beautiful thing.

lets all keep making art with one another forever.

#submas #submas au #ray's art #ingo #emmet #ray rambles #man. #sometimes #you encounter something that strikes you hard enough to let you work for 7 hours straight #and its freaking amazing #ah- apologizes for any misspellings #i am rather tired haha- im not checking as thoroughly as usual #thak you jedi <3

[loveroftoomanyfandoms]

It's Always Been You (Reader's Version)

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Michael Kinsella x F!Reader

Summary: What if Michael went to his best friend (Reader) during the events of Season 2 Episode 7 instead of Amanda coming to him?

Warnings/Tags: Friends to Lovers, PWP, oral sex (f receiving), p in v sex, spoilers for season 2 of Kin, American attempting to write an Irish dialect

Word Count: ~3500

A/N: I've joined everyone in Mikey Brainrot Land! Expect more from me featuring Mikey (including a Mikey PoV of this fic) soon!

Fuckin' hell, what a day, Y/F/N Y/L/N thought as she poured herself a very large glass of wine and sat on her sofa. She had been shouted at by one patient at the hospital where she worked, hit on by another, and accused of trying to exsanguinate a third when she had sent a nurse in for a blood draw.

She had just opened the book she had settled down to read when her doorbell rang. Of course.

She opened the door and couldn't help but smile when she saw who was standing in her doorway -- her best friend of over twenty years, Michael Kinsella. "Mikey, hi."

Michael rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. "Hey, Y/N. Can I come in?"

Y/N stepped out of the doorway. "Yeah, of course."

She shut the door behind Michael. "Can I get ya a drink? Water, tea… juice?"

Michael smiled sadly. "Beer?"

Y/N's eyebrows raised. Michael rarely imbibed after getting out of prison, so Y/N knew there was probably something serious going on. "Sure. Make yerself comfortable."

She went to her kitchen, popping open two beers before heading into her living room, pleased to see that Michael had taken his shoes off. Plannin' on stayin' a while, then. Good.

She handed him one of the beers then set the other one down before picking up her glass of wine and sitting beside him on the sofa. "Talk ta me, Mikey. What's goin' on?"

Michael drained half of the bottle before speaking. "Bren's been sniffin' 'round Anna."

Y/N sucked in a breath. Unfortunately she knew first-hand about Michael's father's predatory ways. "Did ya tell her about him?"

Michael sighed. "I tried, but she just accused me of tryin' ta keep her from tha family and I got angry and shouted at her, then I left."

Y/N took a long sip of wine. She loved her goddaughter, she really did, but she knew Anna was still angry at Michael and wouldn't want to listen to anything her father said. "Want me ta talk ta her? She might actually listen ta her Auntie Y/N."

Michael drained the rest of his beer and picked up the other bottle, then took another drink. "Yeah. Yeah, I'd appreciate tha'. I'm not exactly on the best terms with her right now."

Y/N reached out and gave Michael's hand a squeeze. "I'm sorry yer having such a rough go of it, Mikey."

Michael scoffed and took another long drink of his beer. "Oh, that's not even half of it. I called Molly afterward, then when she didn't answer I went to the chemist's to see her."

Y/N's heart clenched. She had to admit it hurt that after fighting with Anna the first person Michael had wanted to talk to hadn't been Y/N, but Molly. He hadn't been seeing her long but he seemed pretty taken with her already. "Mmm."

Michael sighed. "I didn't see her so I asked after her, and tha chemist told me she was off for tha next month." 

Y/N tilted her head curiously. "She went on holiday and didn't tell ya?"

Michael shook his head. "She's off on her weddin' and honeymoon."

Y/N gasped. That definitely hadn't been what she was expecting Michael to say. "Tha' fuckin' bitch, I'll fuckin' kill her."

Michael gently grabbed her arm as she went to stand. "Nah, no need to be goin' doin' tha'. I'm grand."

Y/N sat back down. "No you're fuckin' not, Michael, otherwise ya wouldn't be sittin' on my sofa puttin' away beer like it's fuckin'  water right now."

Michael shook his head with a chuckle. "No, no yer right, I'm not, but I will be." 

Y/N's heart broke for him. "I'm so sorry, Mikey."

"Ah, don't go worrying yer pretty little head about me." Michael shrugged then moved a stray piece of hair from Y/N's face, his touch lingering on her cheek. "I'll be fine, darlin'. Not the first time I've slept with a married woman -- or in this case, engaged."

Y/N fought to keep her eyes from fluttering closed. She had fought against her feelings for Michael ever since they had met as teenagers. But he hadn't seemed interested in her in that way at the time and then Y/N had been busy with university, and by the time she was done with her schooling Michael had already had an affair with Amanda then married Alison and had Anna, and after that… well. He had spent 8 years away.

Y/N had also recently heard whisperings of Michael and Amanda possibly rekindling their affair, but had dismissed it after Michael had recently mentioned asking the pretty clerk at the chemist's out on a date.

She sat back, draining the last of her glass of wine.

Michael's brow furrowed. "You alrigh'?"

"Oh yeah, I'm grand," Y/N said, giving him a nudge in order to distract him from her flustered state.

She stood. "Another ale?"

Michael shook his head. "Ah, I probably shouldn't. Got ta' walk home."

"You can stay here tonight, ya know." Y/N headed towards the kitchen to pour herself another glass of wine. "You're always welcome."

"Ya sure I won't be a bother?" Michael asked. 

Y/N grabbed another beer for Michael and headed back into her living room. "Nah, of course not. Ya never are a bother, Mikey, you know tha'. The guest room is always open."

She handed Michael his beer and sat back down next to him. "'Sides, you can keep me from going out and doing something stupid, like slashing that little slag's tires or settin' her house on fire."

Michael chuckled. "I really didn't get far enough in ta where I knew where she lives."

"Fuckin' lucky for her then." Y/N took a sip of wine. "Anna will be okay, ya know that, right Mikey?"

Michael shook his head. and took a sip of his beer. "I'm just tryin' ta protect her, Y/N." 

Y/N studied him. "Just from Bren or from the rest of yer family too?"

Michael sighed. "I don't know. Both, I guess? I just… I don't want this for her, I -- after what happened ta Jamie I can't lose her too. I can't lose another child ta this life."

Y/N's heart broke all over again. "Ya won't, Mikey. Ya won't, because ya have me protectin' her. I love her like she was me own and I love you, ya know I'd die before I let anythin' happen to either of ya."

Michael looked down at the floor, silently contemplating something. "Y/N?"

"Yeah?"

Michael opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it, then opened it again, then after another moment of hesitation he cupped Y/N's chin in his hand and pressed his lips to hers, quickly moving his hand from her chin to the side of her neck as he kissed her again.

Y/N sucked in a shaky breath as Michael leaned back. Did that just fuckin' happen?

She opened her mouth, her eyes flitting across Michael's face as he looked at her as if he was waiting for her to slap him.

Before she could second-guess herself, she cupped Michael's face in her hands and pressed her lips back to his, pouring 20+ years of pent-up feelings into the kiss.

Michael responded quickly, shifting to lean Y/N back onto the sofa as he took control. "How long, pet?" he murmured against her lips.

Y/N gasped in a breath as Michael trailed hot kisses across her neck, his beard scratching deliciously against her skin. "Mikey, please…"

Michael growled against her throat. "I said, how fuckin' long, Y/N? How long have ya been wantin' me like I've been wantin' ya?"

Y/N hissed as Michael gave a gentle nip to her throat. "Ever since -- oh, fuck, Michael -- ever since I first clapped eyes on ya."

Michael groaned and leaned back to look at her. "Fuck, why didn't ya ever say anythin'?"

"Because I didn't think you were ever interested in me like tha'." Y/N sighed and sat up. "There was tha' thing with Amanda, and after tha' ya met Alison, then after she -- well, after ya came home, I thought about finally telling ya how I felt but ya were so focused on trying ta reunite with Anna and then Jamie died and there was tha' whole business with Eamon and the Batuks, and after ya came back home from tha' you were dealing with your da getting out of prison, and then it was too late because ya had started talking about Molly. Ya seemed happy fer once, Mikey, I didn't want ta get in the way of tha'." Y/N bit her lip. "Yer happiness means everythin' ta me."

Michael shook his head as he sat back on his knees. "Fuckin' hell, Y/N. You. You make me happy, ya always have." 

He paused as if a thought had struck him. "Is that why ya never got married?"

Y/N looked away so she didn't have to see pity written all over Michael's face. She had had boyfriends over the years that she had known Michael, of course, and more than the occasional one-night-stand or friend-with-benefits, but never anything overly serious.

She shrugged casually, pretending like the current conversation wasn't absolutely humiliating. "It's always been you."

Michael sighed. "Fuck."

Y/N shook her head, still refusing to look at him. "It's not a big deal, Mikey, it's not like I'm some sort of blushin' virgin or anythin'. I get my needs taken care of."

(And if she purposely only chose men with dark hair and haunted eyes to sleep with… well.)

Michael reached out and gently cupped her chin in his hand, turning her face back towards his. "Y/N, look at me, pet, please."

Y/N turned her gaze back towards him, unable to deny Michael such a simple request when he asked so sweetly.

Michael leaned in and pressed his lips to hers once again, his hand sliding from her chin to cup her neck again as he moved in to kiss her deeper.

Y/N melted against him, all of the tension leaving her body as Michael's tongue slid against hers.

Her hands scrabbled for purchase as he leaned her backwards again, finally finding the hem of Michael's sweater and shoving it up his body in order to get to bare skin.

Michael stopped kissing her just long enough to lean back and pull his sweater up and over his head, depositing it on the floor before finding her mouth once again.

Y/N ran her hands up Michael's chest, breathing out a light 'fuck' as Michael's hands slid underneath her tank top in an attempt to also disrobe her.

She sat up just enough to pull her tank top off, sighing in satisfaction as Michael's bare skin finally touched hers.

Michael began kissing his way further down her throat, his hand snaking up into her hair so he could tilt her head for better access.

Y/N whimpered as Michael's hand tightened slightly, her hips grinding up against his burdening erection. "Want ya inside me, Mikey."

Michael groaned. "Fuck, I don't have any johnnys on me."

Y/N shook her head. "It's okay. I'm on birth control and I get tested regularly for STIs."

She paused, realizing what Michael might have been insinuating. "Unless ya think we need one? In that case I have some in tha' ensuite."

Michael shook his head. "I don't -- I didn't go without, with Molly, if that's what yer askin', pet. And there hadn't been anyone else fer years before tha'."

Y//N nodded, her decision made. "Then take me to bed, Michael."

Michael wrapped his hands around her thighs. "Hold on ta me."

Y/N linked her arms around his neck. "I'm never lettin' go of ya again if I don't hafta."

Michael pressed his lips to hers once again as he lifted her to him, then stood and carried her to her bedroom.

He deposited her in her bed, wasting no time before climbing in after her.

"You're so fuckin' gorgeous, pet," Michael breathed, his eyes roaming Y/N's naked torso. "Been wantin' ya fer over twenty fuckin' years."

Y/N sucked in a breath at the revelation that Michael had been wanting her for just as long as she had been wanting him. "Why didn't you ever say anythin'?"

Michael shook his head. "Because I was tryin' ta protect ya. Ya didn't deserve ta get dragged inta all of my family's shite." 

He shrugged. "Besides, ya were much too good fer the likes a' me."

Y/N huffed out a breath. "Don't ya think tha' was my decision ta make?"

Michael scoffed. "Come on, Y/N, wha' good would I have been fer ya? Ya became a fuckin' doctor."

Yeah, because a' you, Michael."

Michael's brow furrowed. "Wha' -- wha' ya mean, ya became a doctor because a' me?" 

Y/N bit her lip. Might as well tell him. "I became a doctor because if anythin' happened on a job and you couldn't go to hospital because it seemed suspicious you could at least come ta me and I'd patch ya up." 

She smiled softly. "...Or because ya had punched a wall or fell and broke a glass door with yer head."

Michael looked flabbergasted. "But I thought --"

Y/N shook her head. "Don't get me wrong, I love savin' lives and I don't mind helpin' out yer family when they need patchin', but the most important life ta me is yers, Mikey. I'd do anythin' I possibly could ta keep ya safe." 

She reached up and caressed his face. "Like I said, I love ya."

"Fuck." Michael closed his eyes briefly, then upon reopening them he leaned down and kissed Y/N, this time leaving her breathless with passion. 

Y/N wrapped her arms around Michael's back, gasping in a breath as he kissed his way down her throat.

"So beautiful," Michael murmured, sliding his hands up Y/N's sides and trailing his thumbs under her breasts. "Fuckin' gorgeous, pet."

Y/N moaned as Michael circled the nipple of her left breast with his tongue, tangling her fingers into his hair and arching towards his mouth. "Mikey…"

"Mmm," Michael murmured. "Love tha' way ya say my name, like fuckin' music comin' out a' ya."

He wrapped his lips around her nipple, taking his time to tease it to a peak before switching to the other one.

Y/N gasped and arched into him again. "Fuck."

Michael hummed and let Y/N's nipple go with a soft 'pop'. "We're gettin' ta that, pet."

Y/N lifted her hips in permission as Michael's hands made their way to the waistband of her lounge pants. "Mikey… Mikey, love, need ya in me."

"Mm-mm." Michael shook his head as he slowly peeled Y/N's pants and underwear off. "Got ta taste ya first, darlin'."

Y/N whimpered, the thought of having Michael's mouth against her bare cunt making her clench around nothing.

Michael smirked as he trailed his hands up Y/N's bare legs, slowly parting them. "Oh, ya like that, do ya, pet? Ya like the thought of havin' my face buried between yer thighs, tastin' yer sweet nectar?"

Y/N moaned. "Fuck, yes, Mikey, please, need your mouth on me, love."

Michael licked his lips, his eyes glittering with desire. "Fuckin' hell, pet, yer fuckin' drippin' fer me."

Y/N let out a loud moan as Michael leisurely slid his tongue up her folds. 

Michael groaned. "Fuck, you taste so fuckin' sweet, darlin'. Wish I could've been eatin' this cunt out fer years."

Y/N hissed as Michael licked another stripe up her folds then circled her clit with his tongue. "Ah, fuck, Mikey…"

Her hands flew into Michael's hair as he pressed his tongue inside her. She had had a few lovers go down on her over the years -- some more-or-less semi enthusiastically -- but Michael ate her out like he was a man starved and she was a full-course meal.

Michael worked two fingers inside her as he removed his mouth from her cunt. "Want ya ta come fer me, pet. Come fer me and I'll give ya my cock like I know ya been needin'."

Y/N whimpered again, the familiar coil inside her tightening. "Please, Mikey."

Michael lowered his mouth to her once again, beginning to fuck her with his fingers as he sucked her sensitive bud in between his lips.

Y/N felt the coil getting tighter and tighter. "Fuck, yes, Mikey, please -- Ah!"

Michael pressed a hand to her stomach as Y/N came against his face, his mouth firmly attached to her clit as he worked her through her orgasm.

He kissed his way back up Y/N's body to her lips as he began undoing his belt and unzipping his jeans.

Y/N moaned at the faint tang of herself on Michael's tongue, reaching down blindly to help Michael shove his pants and boxers down. "Need yer cock, Mikey, want it so bad, love."

Michael finished divesting himself of his pants and positioned himself back over Y/N.

Y/N bit her lip in ecstasy as Michael stroked his cock through her folds a few times, coating himself in her slick before slowly pressing inside.

She closed her eyes and sucked in a breath, the feel of Michael's bare cock inside of her unlike anything else she had ever experienced.

"--Ya alrigh', pet?"

Y/N opened her eyes to see Michael watching her worriedly. 

"I'm not hurtin' ya, am I?" he asked.

Y/N shook her head. "No, Mikey, feels so good, love."

Michael slowly withdrew until just the tip of his cock remained inside of her. 

He groaned. "Fuckin' hell, darlin', ya feel fuckin' incredible."

Y/N let out a gasp as Michael snapped his hips forward, burying himself in her as deeply as he could. "So do you, Mikey. Fuck, yer so fuckin' perfect."

Michael pressed his lips to the side of Y/N's neck, then began a slow, but firm pace.

The slick slide of Michael's cock in and out of Y/N quickly had a second orgasm approaching. "Mikey, I'm close, love."

Michael picked up his pace, fucking Y/N more firmly. "Did ya let any of the others inside ya like this, Y/N?" he growled. "Did ya let them feel yer tight cunt around their bare cocks?"

Y/N shook her head, crying out as Michael hit her sweet spot. "No, Mikey, just you, only ever you, love."

Michael groaned. "Can I come inside ya, pet?"

Y/N gasped. "Yes -- yes, Mikey, please. Want ta feel ya, love, need ta feel ya."

Michael reached down and began to circle Y/N's clit with his thumb. "Want ya to come with me, pet, want ta feel ya take me as deep inside ya as ya can."

Y/N began to feel the familiar coil tightening again. "Yes, Mikey, I'm close, love, please. Fill me, mark me, claim me, make me yers."

Michael let out a rumble from deep in his chest. "Yeah, pet? Want me ta ruin ya fer anyone else? Fuck a wee one into this tight cunt of yers, have my babe growin' inside ya?"

Y/N nodded, the coil getting ready to snap. "Yes, fuck, Mikey."

"Gonna fill ya with my cum, pet, keep fuckin' ya till I'm sure yer cunt has taken every last fuckin' drop." Michael hissed in a breath as his hips stuttered. "Fuck, Y/N --"

Y/N arched against him, the coil snapping once again. "Michael--"

Michael continued to thrust into her, finally slowing once he was satisfied.

He eased out of her and collapsed at her side, reaching for her and pulling her on top of him as he caught his breath.

Y/N hummed blissfully, resting her head on his chest and wrapping her arms around his waist.

Michael sighed and slid his hands around Y/N's back. "It's always been you, too, love," he said quietly. "I'm sorry I never told ya sooner. I just wanted ta keep ya safe."

Y/N shook her head, placing a kiss right over Michael's heart. "It's alright. I understand."

She looked up at him. "So wha' happens now?" 

Michael smirked. "We go get a shower then come back for another go?"

Y/N huffed out a laugh. "You know what I mean, Michael."

Michael shook his head. "Can we talk about it in tha' mornin'?"

Y/N nodded, her heart sinking. Of course this is just a one-night thing for him.

She moved to get up. "Okay."

Michael tightened his hold on her, his expression quickly becoming concerned. "Hey, no, love, it's not what yer thinkin'. I want ta give this a go, I -- it's everythin' else I don't want ta have ta think about tonigh'. I just want ta be here with ya, that's all I'm sayin'."

He took a deep breath. "I love ya, Y/N. I'm never lettin' go of ya again if I don't hafta."

A smile spread across Y/N's face as Michael repeated her earlier words back to her. "I love ya too, Mikey."

She leaned up and gave Michael a kiss. "Come on. I've got plans for tha' shower."

#lotmf writes #michael kinsella x female reader #michael kinsella x reader #michael kinsella fanfic #michael kinsella smut #michael kinsella fluff #kin amc #IABY Masterlist

[gustavgiles]

Here's a little Vikdecai fic that I hope you enjoy! It's a Viktor-focused story that I wrote 'cus I wanted to see them make up and kiss. Planning a Mordecai-focused followup that may or may not be spicy!

Some Interesting Viktor Facts/Theories that got into my brain doing a Viktor-focused read of the comic while writing this:

Lackadaisy Anodyne provides a wealth of information about Viktor's family:

He gets letters from his daughter, but *only* his daughter, not from his wife. My read on this is that his wife broke things off with him, rather than the other way around (like Viktor telling them to leave because he wanted them safe or something); that seems like the more likely situation if she's no-contact with Viktor.

His daughter sends him 1-2 letters a year; assuming that she started writing him when he split up with his wife, then that places the breakup at just before 1921 or 1922, depending on what year you think the half-hidden postcard is from.

The Palmer Raid precipitating the riot where Viktor lost his eye, then was arrested and bailed out by Atlas happened January 1920, which about lines up with the time he split up with his wife. I think Viktor going to prison and falling in with Atlas was the inciting incident for Viktor's wife leaving him; my headcanon is she didn't feel like he was able to provide for his family anymore, and was dragging them into a dangerous criminal element.

VIKTOR HAS A CONFIRMED THIRD UNKNOWN PERSON IN HIS PAST THAT I NEVER SEE ANYBODY TALK ABOUT! Alena (his daughter)'s 1926 letter to him reads: "Dear Father, Hello! This is my photo from the start of the school year. I wear my hair much shorter now, and so I wanted to show you. I can't believe it's already the holiday season! Will you write back? You don't have to write in English if you don't like to. I can ask Mama or Tala to translate. Merry Christmas, Alena" WHO THE HELL IS TALA?? Did Viktor's wife re-marry? Did Viktor emigrate with someone else? Is it just some random person in the Slovak community that Alena knows? QUESTIONS. (also this implies that Alena doesn't speak Slovak. I wonder if that hurts Viktor a little.)

Viktor HASN'T OPENED ANY OF ALENA'S LETTERS UNTIL NOW. Why? Does it hurt too much? Can he not find the time? It can't be that he doesn't care about his daughter because he saves the picture of her. STOP PUSHING PEOPLE AWAY VIKTOR, LET OTHER PEOPLE MAKE YOU HAPPY

Viktor's wearing what appeared to be Allied gear in Lackadaisy Scrapbook. Slovakians would have been part of the Central Powers, so it seems that Viktor emigrated (with his wife?) to America far before the events of Lackadaisy, and went to war against his own country. He probably had a more difficult time in the war than most people.

Viktor's birthday is Apr. 16, also from Lackadaisy Scrapbook. Maybe some day in the future Mordecai will look up his birthday via his arrest records and make him a little cake???

Tracey describes younger Viktor as "robust and amorous" in an old Q&A which certainly does not describe the current Viktor. He must've been happy and carefree at some point :(.

Tracey also talks a little about how she sees Viktor in another Q&A: "sometimes, drawing snarly Viktor expressions is my favorite thing because I’m thinking of Viktor’s superficially powerful, animal anger and how it only ever ricochets back, making him smaller by increments…" Which is a description that just really resonates with me. He wasn't *always* this sad and angry and lonely, the world's just chipped away at him over the years until he's a raw bundle of nerves. CAN YOU TELL I'M OBSESSED WITH VIKTOR I CAN FIX HIM

#vikdecai #viktor vasko #lackadaisy

[gg-selvish]

recovering from parasocialism, the ideal of a faceless man, and a heaping tablespoon of comphet within lesbianism

my name is tender, and i'm a multishipper who writes self-indulgence. as of december 31st i will have been posting fic for dteam-adjacent for three years with very few breaks, and a lot has happened in that time. i've been harassed and cancelled multiple times, chased into priv twitter, and now my last remaining public account is starting to get swarmed over something recent that i believe is a pretty simple misunderstanding that i would like to clear up. i've been alluding to it vaguely and it's partially my fault because my word choice implied things about the timeline that lead people to draw negative conclusions about me. but we're gonna fix that now.

dream is my least favourite member of dtk, but in the beginning he was my #1 favourite. i went corpse -> dream -> dnf -> george -> knf for my favourite ccs and i feel like it's pretty normal for stuff like that to switch around, but the way dream and i were previously attached and the way that attachment broke was pretty interesting but i also don't think it was that unfathomable. and firstly, for people who won't extend this post: it had nothing to do with the drituation. i say 'about a year ago / over a year ago' and people's minds go to the drituation / drexit but it wasn't that for me that broke my parasocialism to dream, it was the face reveal itself.

i am a lesbian and i've been a lesbian for a long time. i also love mlm content as evidenced by the fic i read and write and that's also always been an aspect of my life to the point where in my formative years i identified as an mlm trans man because i didn't want to get called a fujoshi. but i don't like men and i know that now. however, i have a nasty, nasty case of comphet. unattainable men to me are a safe and comfortable way to explore attachment to men because in my life i've never really had a positive experience of being friends with or dating a man. early dtk was like a pipedream to me and i think that's why i got so deep into it. discord podcasts and alt streams felt like private calls with friends and they were men in a distant and safe way so i was excited to feel apart of that (partially due to my own genderfuckery and gender envy but that's not what this about).

dream especially. it was dangerously easy to get into dream in 2020/2021 because he was so equally parasocial it fed into a relationship that felt like equivalent exchange and i got deep in it. self-ship daydreams and fantasies i turned into fic and basically dating this idealized faceless man in my head for a year and a half or some shit because he made me feel so safe and comfortable the way he makes a lot of people feel.

but i was scared of the face reveal always. when it comes to me developping comphet attachment i usually am introduced to the man as himself, and determine whether i like him or not and then either cling or drop. like george was genetically engineered in a lab for me to fixate on, same with karl, but dream in his faceless and parasocial era was another fucking level. and i fucking dreaded the face reveal because i knew the second i saw his face the magic would break and i would realize he's a man and that would make me uncomfortable.

dream has said before that 'dream' the persona can be gender neutral, any gender, anyone, and i really believe that. faceless dream was this magical and perfect person who i really loved deeply and found so much comfort in. and with the other male ccs it was easy to remind myself 'be careful, these are men', but dream didn't feel like a man, he felt like a soft voice who was there for me and a character i enjoyed exploring in fic.

the way i got into this fandom was also different, i was never in it for the content. i wasn't really watching streams or vods, i got into it via a heat waves tiktok, binged fic, and lived off of clips, youtube videos, highlight reals, and fan content. that's just how i approach most fandom spaces. hell, when i was into voltron i watched the first 3 seasons, got bored, and read a shitton of klance fic with my scraps of lore and was perfectly content. i have never indulged in fandom including rpf fandom for the people creating the source, i love the fan content and the easy to digest stuff. i don't really watch movies or tv shows, i read books or write stories or watch longer youtube videos.

so we're building up to the face reveal. everyone's so hyped and i'm excited too but i'm also bracing myself because i know my heart's gonna break and it's out of everyone's control and i just didn't talk about it because it was weird and might kill the vibe. the face reveal happened. i saw him. i processed him in my head as 'this man is dream', and my heart broke a bit.

dream has always been handsome, he's still kind and smart and the least funny of his friends. nothing about him changed besides my perception of him. but that's the point i'm trying to make with this: parasocial relationships can snap like a twig in a very one-sided way. but in this case it was a bit equal again just like our dynamic before. because as i was recovering from the face reveal and meetup vlog and sad about this 'break up' i was going through that was so stupid in my head (i literally looped a taylor swift song about it it was a break up.) the drituation hit and i was really turned around. my deep love for dream was gone already, i just had lingering fondness and empathy, and then the allegations scared me really badly. i absorbed the evidence and believed dream was likely innocent but i decided that between my loss of parasocial attachment and this new grey-area of morality i was just going to distance myself. not to mention by this time it was late 2022 and i had been harrassed and cancelled by dream stans more times than i can remember so i was pretty comfortable moving away from dream.

then he made himself smaller, and wasn't really around much. it was easy to get over a lot of the parasocial feelings because he didn't really give it back anymore, so then the interest just wasn't there. and there was so much constant negativity i just didn't want to be involved. but even after all of this and wasn't really into him as a content creator i have never stopped having empathy for him. dream is a human being and i think both stans and antis forget that because i've always been displeased with what i've seen on both sides and aligned myself with neutrality. but the internet doesn't really seem to allow for that, so antis think i'm a stan and stans think i'm an anti. and most people just hate me in general. do you see why it's hard for me to be here? and it's not anything dream has done so i don't hold anything against him. we just broke up. i've never said 'i hate dream' or even really 'i don't like dream' i just don't really care about his content anymore and that's, like, super normal.

but why do i write about him? well, as i prefaced this and as is in my pinned post, i don't write fanfiction the way other people do. i write self-indulgence that's chock full of projection and weird niche stuff and heavy themes. and most people don't like my fic, but the readers i have love it and give me a lot of positive feedback, so with my passion for the hobby of writing, my familiarity with the dnkn dynamics i have established in my 'cinematic universe', and positive feedback for creating only art i want to create instead of clinging to realism and making sure no one's feelings are hurt, i just make art that makes me happy. sure, if i need a bad guy it's been dream a lot, but it's also been george and karl. my comment about doing him dirty in fic was fucking. starting hush hush with a dnf break up and having knf fuck in his bed in a college au. it was so not that serious and it bothers me people assumed i was writing harmful content to take out some weird hateboner on a guy i used to love. that's not me, dude, i'm 26 years old. if i don't like someone it's easy for me to drop them. when supermega was outted as shittheads i dropped them after being a fan for years, it is a perfectly viable option for me and i didn't deem it necessary for this case.

in the end, i'm not exactly sure why people are so angry dream's my #4. he's still there, just lower on the tier list. i didn't get shit when i actively disliked sapnap in the early days, but now that i'm neutral on dream it's the end of the world? and to resolve this i'm getting harassed more by dream stans insulting my new #1? in what world would that get me to do what u want, be it liking dream or disliking karl, or not longer writing. i'll reiterate again: i am 26 and write self-indulgence for myself and my readers. i've done this for a long time and i'd really like to continue if that's okay. if you think i'm dragging dream's character through the mud and beating him with a baseball bat in my fic i really encourage you to look at the fic i've written about dream. even when i lost interest in him my fondness and empathy has always been there. i've written a lot of really lovely things about dream recently, and even when i put him through hardships it was just a story, there was no ill intent towards the real person.

and most of all: dream doesn't care how i feel about him, why do you?

#don't piss me off on a website with no character limit #thonking #txt #drituation mention //

[irrealisms]

and by way of honoring the things we once both held dear liner notes

fic here if you haven't read it!

the Pants Party was one of the first ideas kelardry and i had for pmmm au--back in, like, last october or so--of… in minecraft, not wearing full armor is a major combat disadvantage. in pmmm, not transforming is a major combat disadvantage. magical girl outfits are all skirts and dresses. therefore: pants party. or the PP, for short. they would think this was funny.

one of the main Points of this fic is something i've been turning over in my head for a while, and that's NPPP + 3ht parallels. they're both teams based around intentionally disadvantaging yourself. bacon saying "if they kill me then everyone's gonna call them broke. because when you're at four hearts it's definitely a disadvantage in some ways, but it's nice because-- who's gonna kill you? like, if they kill you they're just a bad person, you know?" & parrot saying "you can kill us however many times you want, but killing someone with no pants on is embarrassing. it shows nothing but your desire to only fight the weak."

and specifically ... parrot says that there were two options, on the NPPP. either you put on pants or you start exploiting. and either way you're not weak anymore. and he's sort of right but he's also sort of wrong. 3ht shows that that's wrong, in the wormhole, with planet on three hearts, bacon unstacking his totems. there is a third option: you can stick with your team until it kills you. you can stay weak and die for it. i did check pmmm to make sure this was canon-accurate but also: planet's dead body is wearing pants because, ultimately, she's more of a symbol of the Pants Party/NPPP spirit than either parrot or spoke at this point. she stayed weak. and, also, the NPPP spirit is dead, both because they all gave up on it & bc if you stay weak you die. spoke and parrot end the fic transformed. planetlord doesn't.

some canon stuff i wanted to include in the fic but didn't quite work in: the fact that spoke shows the control room to everyone because he respects that planet stayed on 3 hearts (that planet stuck by the disadvantage in his team name!). the fact that spoke fed parrot totems and gear throughout the wormhole. the fact that parrot helped spoke stage the dupe war.

another main Point of the fic is just ... looking at planet's death ban at the end of s4, in a setting where the server doesn't immediately end and restart. in a setting where planet is just ... dead, and everyone has to grieve that. the vision of this 13-year-old girl, dead on the pavement, because of what spoke did, and parrot can't bring herself to kill spoke but-- something is irrevocably broken, with that. there's no going back. planetlord is dead, in a world where that can't get reversed, in a world where that means something.

relatedly: the fact that in PMMM au they're all 13-15. this is so important to me and also i think it captures something important about lifesteal to me which is that they're all...very young? obviously PMMM au is younger than canon but it's also higher-stakes than canon in some ways. the dissonance between "these are people who are destroying worlds" and "this is a teenager who thinks naming something 'poopies' is the height of humor" was something i really wanted to draw out, esp in this setting where death is real and widespread destruction kills people. in PMMM au they are doing horrible things and also they are all so fucking tiny. planet and spoke are both 13/seventh graders; parrot is 14/an eighth grader. they're middle schoolers! they're middle schoolers. i sprinkle this in throughout bc it's so crushing to me to imagine.

bonus fact: i have ages, wishes, outfits, and general storyline mapped out for, like......12 different characters. i have a vision for basically all of s4 in this au. almost everything that happened in s4 has a pmmm au equivalent. it's fun. if i were to write anything else in this au it'd proooobably be mapicc & zam--i have a lot of specific mental images there. check out this pmmm zam i commissioned i love her so dearly

i did fudge spoke's wish for this fic though. in the broader au it's actually vitalasy that can grant second wishes/contract girls without involving kyubey, and spoke and ash did Some Bullshit with that. but vitalasy is so very a witch by this point in the timeline & i thought it'd be fun if parrot had the same "i could cheat and kill spoke here with her own exploits" dilemma that canon parrot had.

you dupe witches by taking a familiar out of the witch you're killing, keeping it alive, and then feeding it humans until it becomes juuuust large enough that it's a witch of its own and will drop its own grief seed. rinse and repeat. this is horrendously unethical but it CAN get you a ridiculous number of grief seeds quicker and more easily than fighting witches normally! i love lifestealers.

i'm proud of the line "She can’t walk forward without stepping over Planetlord’s corpse." . it is up there with planetlord wearing pants in terms of Blatantly Symbolic Imagery.

the title comes from Unmasked! by the Mountain Goats. in general i really like Beat the Champ + Lifesteal. something about the showmanship of it all. as far as Unmasked! specifically ... there's something about finales and losing your secrets and, worse, losing your gimmick. about parrot's triple agenting and spoke's social engineering. about knowing each other and fighting each other and saying goodbye.

#therapists dni #my writing #any british ants in the chat?

[danpuff-ao3]

Another May, another Snarry-a-Thon: the best time of year! (Also happens to be my birthday month, which makes it all the more special!) The Snarry community is so full of creative, generous, and supportive folks which always makes for a great event! Plus...more Snarry in the world! :D

This fest has been so meaningful to me over the years, and in celebration of another fest wrapped up, I've compiled a list of some of my favorites! This year had lots of goodies, so make sure to check out the rest of the collection, too!: Snarry-a-Thon 2023 (and the Master List on DW!)

Info: The Want of You, by Ephemeral (@fleetingdesires) Rated: E. Words: 7,337. 8th year. Student/teacher. Clubbing.

Summary:

On his night off, Severus unexpectedly realises that Harry has grown into quite an attractive man. He's just not going to think too hard about it. No, he's not going to think about him at all. It's fine. He's fine. Everything is fine.

Read for: a fun & sexy time.

Quote:

"Merlin, Snape, why was that so hot?" "Because you like breaking rules, and I broke them for the want of you."

Info: My Soul to Keep, by catharticEscapism (@catharticescapism.) Rated: E. Words: 4,027. Fat Harry. Internalized fat phobia. Fat acceptance. Body image & self-esteem. Past child abuse. Bottom!Snape. Fluff & smut.

Summary:

Harry is self-conscious about his weight gain after the war, and Severus reassures him that he’s loved just the way he is.

Read for: heartwarming & wholesome lovemaking.

Quote:

“I have great regard for your body. There is little I enjoy as much as having the opportunity to lay my hands on you.”

Info: Luck of the Draw, by Writcraft (@writcraft.) Rated: E. Words: 11,857. Getting together. Gay bar. Drag queens. Hiking. Minor injuries. Paddington the dog.

Summary:

Severus is enjoying the quiet life when his participation in a Ministry raffle forces him to go on a date with Harry Potter. During a weekend filled with drag queens, hiking, a twisted ankle and a dog named Paddington, Severus begins to wonder if the quiet life is really all it’s cracked up to be.

Read for: humor & fluff

Quote:

Severus has always loved deeply, jealously, greedily. Even if it is utter madness to think of love and Potter in the same breath, now the fire has started Severus knows it is futile to attempt to resist the kind of yearning he believed long since buried.

Info: Nocturne, by NecromanticNoir (@necromanticnoir.) Rated: E. Words: 54,090. Creature fic. Mystery & romance. Fairytale & horror. Angst & feels. Mutual pining. Dark magic.

Summary:

A Gothic Snarry version of ‘Beauty and the Beast’, inspired by the dark and sensual tale from the Czech film version, ‘Panna a Netvor’. I follow some of the plot, but then diverge and do my own thing. Got to make it even weirder, right? An eerie, erotic, brooding, bloody, batty, haunting fairytale.

Read for: erotic fairytales & dark romance.

Quote:

Severus knows he should not watch in secret - but there, through the window - oh, merciful heavens… The young man is bathing, in the large hammered-copper tub, his skin pale as moonbeams. All around the tub, candles burn; a hundred tiny flickering flames. Severus draws closer to the window, mesmerised. The bath water is white, sprinkled with flower petals and herbs of some kind, perhaps rosemary… The water seems to sparkle; the boy bathes in liquid moonshine.  Severus draws nearer still, and he beholds creamy skin - a pale shoulder, like marble. He is watching a rare creature; a unicorn, bathing in pure enchantment…

Info: old fires and phantom limbs, by LilaDiurne (@liladiurne.) Rated: E. Words: 14,514. 2nd person POV + present tense. Severus POV. Minor Harry/OMC. Exes to lovers. Heartache. Angst with a happy ending.

Summary:

A long moment passes. And then he steps out of the shadows of the surrounding shops and into the bright sunlight, walking up to you. "You came back," you say bluntly, unable to look away. "Yeah." He shuffles his feet a bit, slips his hands in his pockets in such a familiar way that a pang of deep fondness strikes through your chest. "Last week," he adds. It seems impossible that he would have been back in the country for days and you wouldn't have sensed it somehow. How could his presence not send shockwaves all the way to Spinner's End? How could you not know, in your heart of hearts, the instant that he returned?

Read for: poetic prose & immense emotion.

Quote:

The passers-by come and go around you, shuffling about on the street this way and that, oblivious to your predicament, your dilemma. They did not feel the earthquake, they did not see your life crumbling. They do not know that your polished countenance is truly in shambles, held together with worn pieces of twine.

Info: Loose Ends, by Arrisha (@arrisha-ao3.) Rated: E. Words: 9,856. Heavy angst. Trauma. Mystery. Romance.

Summary:

I love you, Severus wants to say. But the timing is never right.

Read for: emotional devastation and/or you need to cry and the tears need help.

Quote:

He never doubted that the boy loved him. But something deeper, darker, lurked underneath. Harry was broken. The war had broken him, and Severus was all he had.

~~ BONUS: Shameless Shelf Rec ~~

Info: Devotion, by danpuff. Rated: E. Words: 25,843. Postwar. Background Hinny. Minor Severus/others. Cheating. Mental health issues. Angst. Unhealthy relationship. Ambiguous/open ending.

Summary:

Is there anything more undignified than needing someone so much?

Read for: all of my Snarry feels.

Quote:

The light of him transforms Spinner’s End. In the way of dreams, every wall is familiar and strange. Every book, every shelf in its place. The sofa is still lumpy, the lights still dim. The wallpaper still peels at the edges. The colors are changed. Just a shade off, he thinks. The air is crisp. Sweet and fresh as an apple. Cold and biting as a winter breeze. Harry is the soft warmth of a flickering flame. The heavy heat of a raging inferno. He is the blazing sun. The harsh light beneath which nothing can hide, and nothing survives.

#danpuff recs #snarry-a-thon 2023 #snarry-a-thon #snarry #snarry fics #snarry recs #also a self-rec just cuz