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ftmtftm · 3 months

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I've been scrolling through your blog, and I saw your post about discussing the racialized nature of gender. As someone who has several transmasc POC friends, and someone who's a nonbinary POC themself, I wanted to give my 2 cents.

It's important to understand that "woman" in the "man vs woman" gender binary is a colonialist, white supremacist construct, especially in Western countries where you are the numerical minority. My trans friends aren't on T, they haven't gotten top surgery, we are all quite young. But they all have numerous stories about being addressed as "sir" which brings them euphoria but as one person said, while we were making fun of the amount of white people in our club, "Due to my race and skin color, I get masculinized."

And again I'd like to emphasize, that since we're young, none of us really have medically transitioned due to financial and familial barriers. Their hair is long, our binders we definitely have notable chests, and even if they dress masculine, it's notable that no one in our communities would ever gender us properly. It's often white people calling them "sir." Again, I think this reflects how gender performances in mainstream queer communities are deeply White. Like, trans boys talk about having haircuts, but only one of my friends has that wavier, more manageable hair that will help them pass. When you've got curly/kinky hair, the standards are different. For a white person, what's the difference between a "girl" Afro and a boy "Afro"? White cis people have a harder time identifying us, and literally talk to any black girl, and they'll tell you about being mocked, dehumanized, and called "manly".

I don't have much else to say. These are just my personal experiences. But if you want to be an ally to POC in the queer community, this is why it's so fucking important to bring in colonialism/imperialism/white supremacy into discussions of queer liberation. My biggest gripe with ignorant white queers is when they ignore their white privilege, and act like "cishets" (AKA the patriarchal system regulating sexuality and gender) is the only enemy. Because cishet POC deal with plenty of shit with being infantilized, masculinized, feminized, seen as brutish & dangerous, the list goes on. Doberbutts had a post saying, "Believe me, your family's going to care more about me being black than my queerness." towards his white partners. Acknowledging and creating a framework that centers these intersections of queerness and race into your beliefs is true allyship. This is why if you're not anti-imperialist, anti-capitalist, ACAB...I do not think you care for queer liberation. None of us are free until all of us are free.

Please don't view this post as an attack. But this is my perspective, and I thought you'd be receptive to me sharing my lived experiences.

Oh I absolutely don't view this ask as an attack, and I really appreciate you bringing these things up because you're right! Like, just very plainly: You are right and your and your friends lived experiences are extremely important to the conversation on the racialized aspects of gender.

It gets me thinking about where Misogynoir and the social White Fear of Black manhood intersect for Black trans men in particular. Because Black women and Women of Color in general are masculinized by White gender standards and the ways in which Black trans masculine people are gendered in alignment with their identity is absolutely not always done with gender affirming intent. In fact, it's often actually done with racist intent or is fueled by racist bias when it's coming from White people or even from non-Black POC.

That's kind of restating things you've said but differently, it's just such a topic worth highlighting explicitly since it's extremely relevant to the conversation that's been happening about Male Privilege here the last few days.

I do think I know exactly what @doberbutts post you're talking about and yeah. It's just truth. It's something Black queer people have been talking about for ages in both theory and in pop culture (my mind immediately goes to Kevin Abstract and "American Boyfriend") where Black queer/trans identity is both materially different from (neutral) and is treated differently from (negative) White queer/trans identity in multitudes of ways and those differences are worth sharing and exploring and talking about.

Genuinely, thank you for sharing! I try really hard not to lead these kinds of conversations outside of explicitly referencing back to non-White theorists because I don't particularly feel like it's my place to do so, but I will always provide a platform for them because they're extremely important conversations to be had.

#asks #anon #racialized gender #male privilege #transandrophobia

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ccarrot · 6 months

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what made you fall for chuuya?

LOADED QUESTION

let's go through this step by step

1.) his design. there's so much to talk about there!

One thing I really appreciate about harukawa's costume designs is that despite the series taking place in 2010ish, the main cast's outfits have a very old fashioned vibe. like they're from the mid-20th century. very fitting considering that the bsd world is just recovering from a World War event. So we always get a really interesting mix of different time periods when it comes to the fashion in the series.

So i like the classy, timeless aesthetic of the design as i do with most of the characters but i also appreciate how ... punk it its? Like the gloves, the belts, the tie with the buckle, the hat, the FREAKING CHOKER. let's remember that chuuya was a teenager during the 2000s and then look at the edgier elements of his fancy executive outfit

so many layers! so many accessories!!!!!! there's so much happening here but it doesn't look like too much. But the hat especially, it's a really fun call back to the namesake poet but it's such a good identifiable part, instantly makes his silhouette interesting. The big cape/coat too, and to a lesser extent the gloves and cuffed sleeves are really cool features for his silhouette. shame they got rid of the belt and hat chain for the anime. i'm also a weirdo who finds drawing the hat fun

Overall I like his color palette. i'm a bigbigbig fan of warm tones and red/orange color schemes, and chuuya's is that but darker and muted. very nice to look at. I like his hair especially, I like that its long but not really long like when harukawa draws it. I like that he has a weird haircut. I spent a lot of time staring at it to figure out the mechanics of it but settled on 'it looks nice!' I like the color harukawa uses for it the most, a really dull red, bordering on light brown. it's so nice.

2.) his personality!

He acts so cocky, and overconfident. It's fun that he's so expressive. you'd think that a person in his occupation should maintain stoicism (which he can! he's so good at deception if 15, sb and meursault have shown us anything) but i think it's so interesting that he chooses to be more emotive with his expressions.

I think it's interesting that he chooses to be honest and try to play fair against his opponents even though it would be easier to just decimate them without talking things out, (even though that has seriously put him at a disadvantage. i'm thinking about how much easier it would have been for him if he just bust down the hospital and had his squad rush the ada in cannibalism instead of giving them a chance to negotiate). it's cool how he uses earnestness to trick people into thinking they've got an upper hand over him, like in 15-stormbringer. (on that topic though it is rough that he got matched up against ranpo in cannibalism LMAO)

I like how childish and snarky he gets with Dazai. i like how he tries to put on a totally cool put together energy infront of his colleagues (and kenji who's a fan). i like how he looks so done and ever suffering when he's with mori. i like how when he tries trying to put on a neutral face hoshikawa and harukawa draw him looking a little tired and melancholy. just a little extra on the eyebags

Stormbringer chuuya's probably the most compelling to me. If there's one thing that you have to understand about chuuya's character, it's that he's at his core a deeply sad person. <-His ability is called "for the tainted sorrow" after all (delightfully edgy name too btw. it's so dramatic.)

I think a lot of misconceptions about his character come from the fact that despite seeming to be relatively straightforward outwards, he's full of contradictions. If he's happy he'll play it off as aloofness, fear he'll turn to anger, when he's really angry he'll choose not to act on it, and he'll push down his sorrow and grief and make it seem like he's fine and everything is fine. Stormbringer was like an insane crash course in compartmentalization and chuuya went from being consumed by his hopelessness to 'ah guess it doesn't matter.' like damn bro, you actually doing good or are you just saying it?

bonus but i think it's really under talked about how easily he puts on masks. especially cheerful ones because he's got that too. the parallels between him and dazai are insane...

i think about the arcade confrontation scene in the fifteen manga and the tunnel fight too much.

Anyways here's some more chuuya expressions from the mangas because he's got so many good ones and ilovehim

2.5) fun entrances and his not-quite-villainy

I know asagiri has totally abandoned the idea of the Port Mafia being actual villains, but as an antagonist, Chuuya is,,,,,,,, he qualifies because he's in the Port Mafia, i think.

Every time he shows up, he's usually only there to help the ada in a terribly roundabout way (usually on mori's orders). The only time he was genuinely a threat to our heroes was cannibalism . . but he seriously dropped the ball there lmao XD Even though he's a criminal and enjoys a good fight it's nice how killing people and overpowering his enemies isn't really his first option, even though that'd be so easy for him. this one exchange of him and mori is so funny for that reason too, chuuya is so alarmed

another thing i really really find fascinating is how during the Guild Arc, Atsushi got the idea of teaming up with the Port Mafia because he saw Chuuya and Black Lizard defending the streets of Yokohama. It's like Asagiri was literally waving to us and saying hey hey hey they aren't the bad guys and you should want them to succeed.

i hope chuuya and atsushi can meet. they're my favorites.

Overall i think despite him having a limited pagetime, I think it's all used very very effectively (except in cannibalism. but that's a different story). A lot of his actions ultimately aid the heroes more than anything, which is cool for a character who's apparently a key member of the enemy org.

anyways.

3.) his BACKSTORY. strap in.

context time!!!!! when i was first reading bsd (reading bc I started with the manga) i was still mainly hyperfixated on Evangelion and this is very very very relevant.

Neon Genesis Evangelion IF YOU DON'T KNOW (why are you following me if you didn't actually) is a psychological horror disguised as a scifi-mecha anime. It focuses a lot about grief and depression and messed up interpersonal relationships. but it's story is about child soldiers, government exploitation, war trauma, human experimentation etc and the likes. And so to put it REALLY SIMPLY, Chuuya's reminds me of Asuka and Rei and that's one reason why i really hooked onto him. I've joked that he could be a strayed Eva pilot but i am being genuine.

So now that THAT's out of the way. Fifteen & Stormbringer are a very very well crafted side story/prequels that gives a lot of insight to the BSD universe and really narrows in on some of the horror of this world. And I think Asagiri did a very good job with integrating this overarching lore with Chuuya's story arc, and also pacing out these releases. So.. lemme give you a play by play on how I got through this

Chuuya I think was set up from the very start to have a lot of mystery surrounding him. When we first meet him he's a cocky little shit but you're also wondering, "He's dazai's ex-partner? what did that entail? what did they go through?" And then the Lovecraft fight happens and now you're thinking "what the FUCK is corruption and WHY the fuck is corruption?" So you're casually making your way through Bungo Stray Dogs not really seeing much of him until you realize that the light novels exist so time for Fifteen!

And honestly the twist in Fifteen really DID get me too because at that point I started reading Chuuya kinda like. kinda like Naruto, lmao. The "I am Arahabaki" moment was wonderful. But there's something actually horrifying about that scene as well, the way his entire face becomes blacked out when he confesses that he's the one they've been running around looking for for the entire book. the way he completely rejects his own humanity, the way he fights with his hands in his pockets because it puts him at a disadvantage? the way he really does think he's nothing but his powers and the singularity inside him.

^^ something that's really really interesting is that despite being so strong, chuuya sorta sabotages himself a LOT. I do think some of that is intentional but hmmm different story but the abridged version is that even though he feels like he needs to have control over himself, I think he does want others to take that control away from him. And also Chuuya's loyalty , which is his key trait, is really rooted in who takes care of him. So he lets the Sheep take advantage of him, because they took him in, and he chooses the Port Mafia bc they gave him stability and defended him. He 'forgives' Verlaine because Verlaine wanted to do what he thought was best for him. He trust's Dazai with his life because Dazai validated his humanity. ,,

okay so anyways. nothing can begin to explain the sheer brain rot i got over Storm Bringer. Genuinely the most insane thing i've ever read in my life. Especially the lab parts with N, fundamentally altered my brain chemistry. I literally cannot think about chuuya without thinking about it. It's like, psychological horror story and a buddy cop story and a tragedy and a coming of age and the most sci-fi that bsd has ever gotten and it's so much. it's so so so much. wat?

Fifteen-Stormbringer is what REALLY got me hooked on Chuuya's character. Like he was intriguing for me until this, and I'm a weirdo who doesn't always latch onto characters based on vibes alone so i needed A Reason to like him as much as i do and i found it soooooo

4. conclusion! but not really i'm GOING to keep rambling about him in other posts lmao ;D

Chuuya might be a side character but he has SUCH a presence. I have a huge soft spot for protagonist type of characters, i'm a little basic like that but most of my favorites from a lot of fandoms are usually the main characters. And Chuuya might not be the protagonist but he is definitely the hero of another story in a way...

I think i kin him a little bit. maybe a little i can't really tell. Not self aware enough for that 🤔 you tell me.

Asagiri and Harukawa really hit the jackpot with him though

#this is an appreciation post and meta analysis fusion monstrosity #anyways I love lovelovelovleoleobloelboeooeooeoe LOVE CHUUYA NAKAHARA BUNGO STRAY DOGS #ask #bsd #yeah i took this anon as an excuse to ramble about chuuya #bite me or whatever.

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gz-missfit · 9 months

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So I wanna talk about tazercraft cause their characters are so incredibly interesting to me in the best way possible. To preface this I don't speak a word of Portuguese (I'm learning tho! And have been picking up on sentences a lot more) and my native language isn't English so I may get some things wrong and if I do feel free to correct me!

More under the cut:

I'll put this in 3 separate parts, them individually and then their dynamic!

Mike:

Mike is interesting to me, he's definitely the outward instigator of the 2 when it comes to causing trouble and as many have already pointed out the brains behind a lot of it! He's managed to master the create mod in ways I genuinely never expected them to be used and it's a cute way to say that mine (his wife) was also a cause of that as the goddess of creation. To move to his personality more he's definitely the lead talker in the duo, he's a lot more confident in his voice and speaking in comparison to Pac and can often seem like the lead of the duo, tho this is the cause for people missing his weaknesses! Mike is not a fighter, far from that actually, he freezes in danger and fumbles. His hand tremble when he holds a sword and sees mobs closing in and when big threats appear his whole body turns into ice. He gets overstimulated by danger he couldn't prepare for or was the cause of. Just to name 2 examples here, the first is in the dungeon on the day the timer ran out you could hear him panic, he was a lot more shaky and especially his sword being the cause of injuries to his friends is what made that worse, it went so far that he even typed in chat that he was overwhelmed (fun fact to note is that through all of that he basically vanished from pacs pov but I'll get to that). Another example is when the code showed up to him and pac to drop Richas cow head to them, he later on explicitly state having frozen in fear to i think Fit if i remember correctly and even when ttt was typed in the chat and pac had jumped down to follow Richas to make sure he could teleport Mike was again, nowhere to be seen.

His fear of a fight that revolves around his family and death especially is so interesting to me cause it's obvious that a lot of that comes from Richas first death and how he still blames himself for it, the fear of failing his loved ones again being set deep into his bones whenever a danger for their lives comes up. This is why the prison stream actually was even more interesting to me than I initially expected, because his personality in that sense took a complete 180! Now it's been shown time and time again that Mike has an intense distaste of the federation and hasn't been fond of them for a long time, he's incredibly hostile to them and not scared at all when threatened by them to the point where it's a game for him and he's retaliated with threats that could lead to a ban for him multiple times. Before I move on I think the reason as to why this is is because the federation never showed to kill or take lives, I think that's why Mike has a lot more confidence in confronting them rather than things that have shown to be fatal with all intention of killing. Back to the prison though, Mike's personality to threats definitely took a turn in there, from the moment we saw him he looked pissed beyond believe and his tone was always threatening and almost mocking, his mind quickly was set on getting him and pac out as soon as possible and the realization that Walter Bob, someone who both have seen be the first federation worker that showed them kindness and an interest in what they do after willingly showing up for a haircut is what devastated him. Mike sees Walter as a close friend due to that and it showed because as soon as the realization of Walters long term treatment hit him he did everything to protect the worker he maybe met a handful of times, you could see him get more and more agitated the more the guards hit him and ironically enough I think if Walter hadn't been there idk if he would've killed the guard, but he was so set on finally setting Walter free as well as make sure Pac doesn't have to relive the past they shared that he was willing to do everything to get those 3 out and that all is perfectly encapsulated by his behavior once Walter got taken again, Mike wasn't sad or distraught like Pac was, no, he was fucking fuming to the point where he didn't respond to Pac. Ya know, the person he talks to 24/7 and that's attached to his hip to the point where most of their words are shared telepathically above all. It was obvious that he was angry beyond believe and I'm sure he's got a lot more plans up his sleeve now to get revenge. Cause if there's one thing about Mike it's definitely that you do not want him as your enemy. He may be an outwardly social guy who is definitely more focused on making people laugh and showing off the things he and Pac created but he's still a fugitive and would destroy the world for those he holds dear as they help him feel stronger in the moments where fear does get the better of him.

Pac:

Pac is honestly incredibly fascinating just due to how many levels his character has. He's outwardly the person that appears more shy in comparison to Mike and stumbles as well as gets flustered quick. This has also been the main cause of people seeing him as a weaker player (which also got added onto by how during the earlier days he'd be the one to die a lot) which in turn has caused an interesting dynamic between him and a bunch of the others players because he's far from that. Pac is full on the brawns when it comes to situations that mean fighting for someone's life, his brain goes into focus mode once a life is on the line and there's many examples to show that! Which is why I find it so funny that he often gets handed things due to seeming and behaving weaker than he actually is (main example here being etoiles who not only gave him a custom diamond sword early on which Pac has kept to this day but also the Scythe which he nowadays uses as his only weapon).

Now to the examples of how he can very much carry his own weight In fights and how fascinating it is to watch him, the first big show of him effortlessly carrying himself and doing his best to support others was during the timer dungeon, he was at the front with Bad,Etoiles and Cellbit and even when a lot less geared than those 3 with a weapon that did a lot less damage he didn't go down once even tho he wasn't even holding a totem at any point. It's genuinely impressive with how well he carried himself through that and used movement to attack big groups of mobs from behind only to have vanished out of their sight again before they could corner him. The only time he got truly cornered was at a point where even Etoiles had to back up a little and ended up next to him and the way Pac casually mentioned being fine only to instantly jump at the opportunity of humor through small talk sticks in my brain to this day due to him having stayed mainly silent the whole time before that. The 2 other examples are about Richas and how quick Pac is to defend his son, like I mentioned before when the Code showed up to him, Mike and Richas, Pac instantly jumped into aggressive, he wanted to hit it but fell due to underestimating the jump and as soon as he laid eyes in Richas he became Pacs priority sticking to his sons side until he was Tp'd away and only then returning to the Platform. The same thing happened during the dinner! Every parent except for him crashed when the codes revealed themselves and as much as Richas was quick to start running the speed at which Pac laid eyes on the egg and started to follow right next to him was genuinely mind blowing, he stood at that elevator once Richas left ready to die if it came to it just to make sure one of those things didn't follow him, and as soon as Mike relogged he became Pacs priority with the latter hovering around him will he was loading in.

Now to compare this to the behavior in prison is interesting. Pacs still as good as ever when it comes to putting on a persona to get what he wants but I do believe that the prison brought up a lot of trauma for him, from what I know his time in prison was a lot worse than Mike's and you could hear that through his voice throughout the whole stream. Pacs a physical fighter not a mental one. But in the end he still has that survival instinct, he still knows he needs to get out to protect his family and he doesn't want to be separated from his other half and best friend anymore so he plays sly. The way he stole the keys from the guard genuinely is the most slick maneuver ever and his ability to portrait his behavior in an exaggerated way that makes him seem like no threat at all has worked in his favor multiple times during this too. He was definitely suffering through that whole experience but his determination to protect the ones he loved still slipped through, his hesitancy when he called to the guards not to hit his friends only to have his voice go small once he was physically threatened. He's not at all comfortable when he doesn't have anything to fight back with. Pacs underestimated A LOT, he let's himself be pushed around for bits with a smile and definitely enjoys appearing a bit dumber and less skilled than he is just due to the perks of it and not really caring for bragging about fighting skills when he'd rather show off the project he and Mike have spent time on, only those with a keen eye can see how he's got the heart of a fighter (Etoiles being the first to vocally call this out) he's not weak by any means and definitely a lot smarter than he'd ever admit. He'd die to protect his family and the ones he cares about and would never back down if push came to shove for them.

To sum this all up and not make this too long (which it already is pfff) for both of them together their dynamic is very clearly the "do not separate" but funnily enough Mike is the one who definitely leans onto that more. During each fight where he panicked, got overwhelmed and/or froze he was missing from Pacs pov, they were split apart and it was Mike who was terrified of not being able to hold his own, the same happened in the prison just differently. In the prison Mike definitely put on a cold facade but it broke everytime he asked if they could share the same cell, the underlying fear of him having to fight alone lacing his words through moments like that. This doesn't mean that Pac isn't the same tho! He's just less outwardly vocal about it in comparison and shows it more through actions and looks. It was obvious to hear his distress when he called Mike's name in prison but his constant turning around to see where the other is and his hesitancy to go into areas that implied separation are what showed how hes just as scared as Mike is about loosing the other.

To go more into headcanon and theories I'd like to think of the 2 as 2 hearts and a shared soul, their telepathic communication is borderline Canon at this point and it's obvious that the thought or implications of being separated doesn't sit well at all with either of them. Their bodies and life's are separate but they're still connected by a soul. And whether that's shown through jokes like not being able to be in one spot without the other or through genuine things like Mike having to remind Pac that only he can hear him unless he uses his voice or their ability to flawlessly work around the other is up to interpretation of each viewer in my opinion but there's something to be said about the fact that without the other they'd never had the determination or confidence to get out of that prison, that without the other their weaknesses would show a lot more and end up causing a lot bigger of a struggle than they currently are. Without the other they wouldn't feel whole.

#qsmp #qsmp tazercraft #qsmp pac #qsmp mike #character analysis #i think #im trying these 2 are so #genuinely interesting to me #in the best way possible #cause at their core they're still silly guy's #long read #text post #void mumbling

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canirove · 2 years

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Red & Blue | Chapter 6

Author's note: There is something about Mason's hair on this chapter, but despite being currently relevant, it was written weeks ago 😅 Thank you very much for reading! 💜

Previous chapter | Next chapter

Masterlist

A couple of weeks after breaking up with Ben, I’m back with the national team.

“Hello, honey” Emily says as I walk out of my car, giving me a big hug. “How are you?”

“Good” I say with a shy smile.

“We will take good care of you here, you’ll see” she says as we walk into St. George’s Park. Inside, everyone I meet with comes to say hello, all of them giving me a hug and asking how I am. Even Southgate.

“We are a family, and we care about everyone” he says.

“Thank you” I say. “But if people keep being this nice, I’m gonna end up crying again.”

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“There she is! My favorite gunner!” Declan says when Leah and I walk into the room where the people who has already arrived is chilling.

“Oh, Declan, that’s so cute!” Leah says.

“I wasn’t talking about you, Williamson” he says as he gets up to give me a hug.

“Rude” she says, sitting down where Declan was. “Has Mason arrived yet?”

“Nope” he says. “But we should be seeing him and his stupid new haircut soon.”

“He cut his hair? No more prince Mount?” I say.

“Nope. And I don’t think you’ll like it when you see it.”

“Please tell me he didn’t went back to those weird bangs, the ones he got at the beginning of the season. They still give me nightmares.”

“It’s that short, but no bangs.”

“That’s something.”

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Why Mason. Why” I say when he arrives.

“Why what? What did I do?” he asks, confused and a bit scared.

“That” I say, pointing at his head. “Why did you do that?”

“I got tired of having to keep it in place all the time. And it was bothering me while playing.”

“Then cut it a bit. Do something like Declan. Or go back to the hair you had in Oporto. You looked so good that day.”

“Did I?” he smirks.

“You did, yes. But you aren’t anymore, so stop smiling like that” I say, trying to ignore the fact that I just confessed that I find him attractive. Or used to. That haircut is making me reconsider it.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

The next few days feel like a blessing. We train, we play our first game and win, and we all spend time together, having fun. Things start to feel normal, that something I’ve had on my chest since I broke up with Ben almost gone. Some of my teammates are even thinking about throwing me a birthday party despite having to play that day.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“There you are” Leah says when I leave the changing room after training, some of the other girls looking at me and whispering.

��Did something happen?” I ask.

“You haven’t checked your phone yet, have you?”

“I left it upstairs charging. Why?” I ask, starting to fear something has happened.

“Let’s go somewhere else” she says as she takes me towards the rooms, the other girls still looking at me.

“Leah, what happened? Is my family alright?” I ask when we are finally alone on one of the corridors.

“They are fine, don’t worry. It’s not them.”

“Then?”

“It’s Chilly” she says with a big sigh, showing me her phone.

(click/tap to enlarge)

“That was fast” I say, my voice coming out almost in a whisper.

“He’s a dick, and I’m sure he knew what he was doing. There is a photo where he is looking at the camera, and then he turns as if to kiss that girl” Leah says.

I scroll through the article, looking at the photos, my throat starting to hurt as I try not to cry.

“It’s alright. We are over. He can do whatever he wants” I say, that thing on my chest coming back.

“I know. But I also know it still hurts, doesn’t it?” Leah says, coming closer. “And choosing to do it just a couple of days before your birthday... He better not cross paths with me any time soon.”

“I have to go” I say, walking away from her.

“Wait, no.”

“I have to go” I say again, crying and running away, wanting to be left alone.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Is this sit taken?” a male voice says behind me.

“Mason?” I say, turning to look at him. “What are you doing here? How did you find me?”

“Leah told me what happened, that you ran away. She couldn’t find you, so I offered to help her, and I remembered hearing you say that you liked coming here to be alone.”

“You did?”

“Yep” he says. “May I sit?”

I just nod, trying to control my sobs again.

“You can cry if you need to” he says. “I won’t tell anyone.”

“Thank you” I say.

At first he just stays there, sitting next to me while I look at the horizon and think about what an idiot I am. But as I start properly crying, I feel one of his arms around my shoulders, trying to comfort me.

“I was so stupid” I say, turning to hug him, now crying on his shoulder. “I knew the way he was, that he wasn’t looking for something serious. But I still agreed to go out with him, to actually date him. I let my guard down and started to have feelings for him, and now… Now I look like an idiot. The whole country probably thinks I am an idiot. An idiot girl who fell for a pretty boy.”

“You aren’t an idiot” Mason says to my ear, hugging me tighter.

“Aaron and Leah warned me. Many times. And what did I do?” I say, pulling away from him, our faces very close.

“You followed your heart” he says as he moves his hand to my cheek, wiping some of my tears with his thumb.

“And now it’s broken. When it was starting to mend, it is breaking again.”

“But it won’t be like that forever. It will heal. Like you just said, it had started to” he says, his hand still on my cheek.

“It’s already been broken twice. I don’t think it’ll recover from this one.”

“It will. You are a strong woman.”

I look up and meet his eyes. I don’t know what it is, but there is something on the way he is looking at me, on the gentle touch of his hand on my face, that makes me believe him.

“I believe in you” he says as if reading my mind.

“Thank you, Mason” I say, hugging him again.

“We should probably go find Leah” he says after a while, breaking our hug. “She was very worried about you.”

“Yeah” I say, getting up and trying to wipe away the last tears from my face. “How do I look?”

“Like you’ve been crying” he chuckles. “But also like someone who isn’t going to let anyone else fuck with her.”

“Good” I say, taking a deep breath.

“And there she goes, England's future captain” he smiles qs I walk past him.

“Don’t say that to Leah” I say, smiling back.

“It’ll be our secret. That, and this place” he winks, that cute dimple of his showing.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Leah, are you sure we are on time and that they didn’t change the schedule because it’s game day?” I ask her as we walk towards the canteen. “There is no one around.”

“We are in time, don’t worry” she says.

“Being late is the last thing I need” I say, letting out a big sigh.

“Please stop complaining, we won’t be late.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I know. Now just get in” she says, pointing at the canteen’s door.

“Urgh” I say, rolling my eyes.

“Surprise!” everyone says as I walk in.

“What the…” I mutter.

“Happy birthday, you idiot” Leah says, hugging me from behind and giving me a kiss on the cheek. “Cake boys!”

The crowd parts and Aaron and Mason show up carrying a big cake while everyone else sings happy birthday. I don’t know what to do, shocked that literally everyone is here. Both teams, all the staff members that work with us, the staff from St. George’s Park, the bus drivers… Literally everyone is here.

“Thank you” I finally manage to say once they’ve stopped singing, crying but smiling.

“Now you have to make a wish” Mason says, nodding towards the cake and the candles.

“Ok” I say, stopping to think for a few seconds. When I’m done blowing them all, everyone starts yelling and clapping.

“Grab your forks and plates, people! It’s time to eat!” Aaron says.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

I’m walking toward the bus, ready to leave for the stadium, when I hear someone calling after me.

“Birthday girl!” Mason says. “I thought I would miss you, I literally ran out of the shower.”

“I can tell” I say, pointing at his wet hair. His wet ugly hair.

“I didn’t want you to leave without giving you my present” he says, handing me a little box.

“You got me a present?” I ask.

“Of course I did!” he says. “Open it.”

I do as he says, my fingers shaking a bit. I’m nervous. Why am I nervous? Inside the little box, there is a necklace with my zodiac constelation. Gemini.

“It’s beautiful, Mason. Thank you.”

“Do you like it?” he asks.

“I do. I have others, but they aren’t like this one.”

“Great” he says. “I remembered seeing you wearing necklaces, and thought you would like it.”

“You noticed?” I ask, surprised that he has been paying attention to what I wear. First he remembered my special place, and now this.

“Yeah” he says, running a hand through his hair. Or trying to. “But you should go, I don’t want you miss the bus.”

“I’m the birthday girl, they’ll wait for me” I chuckle.

“Birthday girl, and future goal scorer.”

“You think I’ll score tonight?”

“Definitely. And we’ll celebrate later. Dec and Aaron are already getting everything ready for the party.”

“They are allowing us to have a party?”

“Only because it’s you” he smiles. “Now, go.”

“Yes, of course. Thank you, Mason” I say, giving him a kiss on the cheek before running towards the bus, the box and the necklace on my hand.

#mason mount #mason mount x reader #mason mount fanfic #mason mount imagine #football fanfic #football imagine

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auradoniandreams · 11 months

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What are your honest thoughts on Lonnie and her family in Descendants?

Personally, I've always liked Lonnie, but I have to admit that at this point in time I feel like I'm more attached to the fanon version of her (who has actual motivations and a backstory), than the canon version whose personality changes every 5 seconds. I feel like she had real potential as an AK who likes the VK's, and who's also not afraid to challenge Auradon's status quo, but something got lost along the way.

I don't really have any thoughts about her family, tho (outside of the og Mulan movie, anyway - but we're talking Descendants now). They're barely mentioned, and when they are, we're reminded that Disney doesn't know what to do with ethnic characters (*cough* Lil' Shang *cough*). I'm not Asian/Chinese myself, so I can't rly speak on the representation aspect (if you're Asian, and would like to, feel free to share your opinion in the replies/reblogs! I'd love to hear them), but it's obvious that Lonnie is not a Chinese name, and from what I understand, naming a kid after their parents is a big no-no in Chinese culture.

So...yeah. I have a lot of thoughts on her characterization tho, so if you wanna hear me ramble about her character arc, click on the read more link.

Before D1: The first time we see her, in the School of Secrets webseries that was released before D1 as promo, she's spying on the other AK's, trying to expose the shady things that happen behind closed doors, and to challenge the idea that the upcoming arrival of the VK's signals an imminent doom for Auradonian society. Granted, they never confirmed the fact that it was her behind the shorts, but she was voiced by the same actress that played her in the movies and if I remember correctly she also had the same bracelets.

Based on this appearance, she sounds like an incredibly interesting character, as the only other AK besides Ben and Doug who wants to give the VK's a chance. Additionally, she's standing up for what she believes in like her mother did, without turning into a carbon copy of Mulan.

D1: Her attitude towards the VK's is kind of confusing; one minute, she's asking the girls for a haircut and showing the c4 sympathy for their shitty childhoods, having little to no problem with them. The next, she's screaming and running along with Audrey and her princesses. Peer pressure? Personality shift? Fear of Mal's dark magic? Go figure.

D2: She sneaks out to the Isle of the Lost, helps the c4 fight Uma's crew, and she uses a loophole to enter the R.O.A.R. team as its first female captain. I loved seeing them develop her character more and give her a plotline, but I also kind of wished they hadn't turned her into a full carbon copy of her mother. I think this is when the writers also started getting confused abt her character, because in the first movie she was a lot more girly, and not necessarily athletic. Obviously she can be both at the same time but it felt like a sudden change.

Wicked World: Her personality (??) mostly stays the same, but for reasons that I can't figure out, she forgets she likes fencing, and is suddenly into...music??? She has a side gig as a DJ??? Uhh ok

School of Secrets: Lonnie's Warrior Sword: We're reverting back to her D2 characterization: she's athletic, headstrong, and anxious about her mother's legacy, or whether she can fulfill it. The plot also borrows a lot of elements from the og Mulan movie. It's an enjoyable read, but it's pretty much what you'd expect from a daughter of Mulan, and I wish they'd done more with her.

I liked her relationship with Jay, tho. Their dynamic (esp in the books ) is fun and they make a good team. That was a highlight for sure.

All in all, I like her, but she suffers from the same problem that every side character in this franchise does: inconsistency.

#answered asks #disney descendants #li lonnie #lonnie descendants #lil shang descendants #descendants wicked world #descendants 1 #descendants 2 #descendants books #descendants school of secrets #lonnie's warrior sword #this was sm fun lol #i love getting asks

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writingonesdreams · 2 years

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Wince, Stop, and Comfort, for the Tiny Scene Game

Have fun! ✨

- Circa

Sky of shards

Summary: Backstory chapter about how Skye, Zephyr and Hal met for the first time. This is how it all started.

Author's note: Thanks for the words! I had this scene in mind for a long time and this just clicked together. I love how these tiny scene words provide me with the external motivation to write.

Also 2.1k words! This makes the draft officially 20k words long!✨

She watched them turn their backs on her.

Ever since Skye was little, her biggest fear was standing in a room full of people talking to each other. Talking happily and merrily and ignoring her.

It wasn't even that she was ignored. It was the responsibility. Like she was supposed to be talking with them, but wasn't, couldn't get into touch with them, all divided in their neat little groups.

All she could muster was stand there, paralyzed by her discomfort, by the feeling she was doing something wrong, being so left out, not wanting to annoy anyone, by mixing in. Asking. Reaching out.

She couldn't take the sight for more than 10 seconds before bulking. No matter how objectively ridiculous it seemed afterwards.

Just didn't expect it to happen here of all places.

The Flying Islands were legendary. Floating shards of earth in the sky, children running out of their homes to point at them, to add meaning to the shapes, to imagine what dragons might be sleeping there.

But the Isles were forbidden territory. Unexplored. Mysterious. Dangerous. The weather and nature there were so wild and unpredictable, humans couldn't tame them, even after 100 years of their sudden burst into existence.

They say they were created at the same time as the old Dragonknight Order fell. They say there was an explosion, conspiracy. Or an accident. Many versions and no way to fact check.

But there was a way to get to see them. One day excursion on the Islands with soon to be graduates from the most prestigious university of magic offered the one in a life chance to set foot on the Islands. Try to reach out to its wild magic with their own. Hope, semester after semester, that with this honour, one day, a discovery came.

Or any kind of new knowledge, really.

Skye felt so confident going there. She was the only mind mage in the last 5 years to go there, for the incredible rarity of mind mage graduates. She was with the top group of students researching it.

That fateful day, she wore a dark blue blazer to highlight her stormy eyes and a striped shirt. Had a new haircut, her silver blond hair just under her chin. She felt beautiful wearing her confidence.

All before the exciting research trip went to hell. A sudden storm caught their airship. They were stuck. Stranded on a small island, a shard shaped piece of rock and mud above a bigger greener shard.

The only means of transpiration without their automatically flown and failed airship were the magic powered gliders.

Gliders powered by physical magic. Soulfire magic that came as a visible tangible fog from the mage. Or Elemental magic, that involved the magicae of the mage connecting to their trained element. The element they were used to resonate with.

Mind magic was the only existing type of completely non physical magic. It worked on a mental level, connecting with anything with consciousness. It couldn't power the gliders.

So, her lovely classmates went ahead and abandoned her to her own fate. For the "greater good of the many'' they said.

"Really, you should insist on sacrificing yourself. You should want to save as many people as possible. Why are you making it hard on us?"

Their de facto leader, a blood mage, informed her in a completely serious, earnest tone.

Hard on you? I'm so sorry, it's so hard on you to write me off as useless and leave me to die!

What can you expect from a blood mage, right? Self-righteous idiots. Just cause their magic was the most used in the medical field, they thought they ate the universe's wisdom and had the right to use the "for the greater good" phrase. She never liked the sound of that argument.

A moral trap people told you, whenever they wanted you to sacrifice something they had no right to claim.

But now, she was the sacrifice for the greater good and she should be thankful. Even insistent and willing.

Looking at their departing backs, she didn't know if she wanted to cry or scream. But she held her tongue, her expression schooled in stony features. Her talent was always not showing her emotions.

Only one persona stayed behind.

Zephyr.

He had black curly hair cut short from the sides, but long enough in the middle to fall into his forehead. Sea green eyes, changing with the light, like they couldn't decide if they wanted to be green or blue. They fascinated her. Or they would have, any other day.

He had an athletic build and wore his shirt and blazer with enough contempt to reveal he wasn't used to them. But his face was calm and his voice steady as he argued with their classmates. In her defence.

"You can't just sacrifice a human life."

"Oh don't be so preachy, Zephyr. You have a soulfire training hall, right? You train that for heroic professions, like police, dragon management, rescue service? Didn't they teach you maths?" Her classmate said. Skye couldn't remember his name, although she heard it once. She was always bad with names. Names, faces, and people she didn't care about.

"Do you want to die?" Another added.

But he insisted on staying with her, although the endeavour seemed hopeless. There was no way he could help her on his own. Even if they thought of something, they probably couldn't do it without the gliders their classmates took, to heighten their own chances.

It shouldn't surprise her. In critical situations, people always thought of themselves. Fear for one's own safety was deafening. Hysterical. Unmanageable.

As much as she hated them for leaving, she didn't feel any comfort by Zephyr staying. It seemed futile, self-destructive even. Maybe he was calm, cause he was doing what he believed in, but was it worth dying for your beliefs?

Curious thing, to pity him and not herself. In critical situations, she blocked her feelings. Didn't want to feel anything she would if she let herself right then. Like a switch. Bet nobody else without her mind mage training could do it.

It was just the price she paid. With her magic potential, with her discipline of the mind and keen intellect, she could have chosen any magic. Blood magic even. All the respect and trust and money that came with that.

But no, she chose the magic that interested her, that she believed in, that made her heart sing and eyes sparkle, that made her life more interesting than her dreams.

Didn't realise that something so rare would be so barely understood. So unknown. That she would be written off as useless at the first opportunity.

She paid her price.

But what about Zephyr? He didn't fit in her constellation of the world. She hated he was the only one, her only saviour, her only hope, the benevolent one that pitied her enough to stay.

"Don't worry. I won't leave you."

She nodded and hugged herself. Pretended to be lost and scared. Rage and sense of offence wouldn't make her sympathetic to him and she didn't know if she didn't end up needing him after all.

Couldn't muster an answer though, so they walked in silence. Found a good tree to sleep by.

Zephyr gave her a reassuring smile.

Skye couldn’t wait until he fell asleep.

She reached out her fingers to him. Usually she had to make up pleasant dreams to make her clients grant her entrance into their minds. But this close up and at sleep? All guards down, trusting her to be an innocent frail little victim? Pche. All she needed was touch. One finger on finger.

She could touch him and go through his mind. One millimetre of skin and she would know who he was, why he saved her, what he was playing at. No way this was a selfless thing. Maybe he was in shock. Maybe he didn't believe the danger. Maybe he was too stupid or too arrogant to understand it. Maybe he wanted to be a hero. Maybe he was just suicidal.

If she touched him, she could know all about him. Likely why she was so bad with people. She preferred to get this "getting to know you" phase quickly and effectively over with. Just one little touch.

But when she reached out with her mind, the ground shook beneath them. The tree moved its roots, shifting them around their bodies, as if a hand was cradling them. She winced, but suddenly they stopped again, just barely not touching her.

Silence followed. The darkness felt thick against her skin, an itchy coat to throw away.

She shut her eyes. This wasn't right. She shouldn't be mind raping her saviour's mind. Even though she hated to be saved by this stranger. Even though she didn't want to need saving in the first place.

Her fingertips tingled with the prepared magic. Skye prepped herself up against the ground with both hands. This was wrong.

A drizzle started then. What a dose of bad luck today.

Closing her eyes, she lie against the ground, hands spread out around her body. The ground felt warm under her back, solid and strong. Why was it shaking? The shard was big and slow enough not to be able to feel its movement. Why did it shake?

The water from the drizzle ran down her cheeks, her neck, her bare arms. Palms turned outward, she let go of her ready magic, of the focus, like throwing an arrow into the sky instead of her unknowing victim.

A pulse. A flash of lighting to her body. A kick into her mind. Something responded. Something connected.

Skye never felt a mind like that. Her sense of her body, her situation, her surroundings disappeared. She was a blade of grass beside her head. She was a bee. She was part of the tree, roots deep underground, communicating with the other roots. Everything was connected. All the little pieces, the shards, the trees, the rocks, the insects made up a net of connections, of flashes of light, life, consciousness. A net over it all, pulsing, alive.

There was no way to stop.

And the net, it was still going. A leaf. A moose. A butterfly over a sleeping body of a dragon. Then she was a dragon, with the weight of wings on her back, with eyes yellow as melted gold.

As if the Islands lived. Breathed. Connected with everything and everyone, they were one big net, one big ecosystem. Exhilarating.

But still. Something was beneath it all. Not just a singular point in a net, but a voice. A consciousness.

Who are you? she asked.

Another mind. Very strong. Mingling with all the points, all the connections, but changing shape. It was sleepy and heavy and slow, but it was an entity separate from the living net of the Islands.

Who is asking?

It was a voice that answered, rumbling deeply in her mind.

She wasn't sure who she was anymore. Part of everything and nothing. Part of the Islands but also a person of her own. Skye. That was her name.

She couldn't formulate words anymore, swimming in and out of self-awareness. Turning into a stream of thoughts, memories, moments that made her a whole being.

So that was what she sent him. A focused stream of who she was. What she felt. What happened to her.

The consciousness, the stranger, shifted. Changed. Activated. Like waking up from a long dream, he, she or it reacted to her thoughts. To the onslaught of memories.

Now there were glimpses coming back. The person, vast and wide like a whole world, giant and overwhelming enough to connect with the whole net of the Islands, couldn't answer. It was confused. But still, she got the glimpses.

Explosion. Blood. Dragons. Giant castle-like building. Impressions and emotions. Pieces of sadness, of grief, of loss and a void.

Escape, escape, escape.

It was too much. He needed to escape. Turned into a tree. A rock. A fly. A dragon. What did it matter? Seeing the world from a different vantage point. Trying another form of existence. Everything, just to not feel the pain.

It took all her skill and experience, all her deep self-reflection and discipline to pull herself back. To realise how she was to separate herself from him. Skye. My name is Skye.

Who are you? she repeated to him. He was becoming clearer on the edges, forming a shape of colour and blackness.

Hal. The only word in the mess of thoughts and memories, of flashes that only vaguely made up a form.

He was too strong. A mage with so much power would be considered a god. The closest to a god their atheistic society, based around magic, had.

A god named Hal.

#writeblr #creative writing #my writing #writeblr community #writers on tumblr #wipnook

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agentnico · 6 months

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Dream Scenario (2023) Review

This film features possibly the best fart joke in the history of the cinema. They should advertise that on the poster!

Plot: Hapless family man Paul Matthews finds his life turned upside down when millions of strangers suddenly start seeing him in their dreams. When his nighttime appearances take a nightmarish turn, Paul is forced to navigate his newfound stardom.

This past decade Nicolas Cage has managed to enjoy a real comeback. Ever since he's paid back all those millions he owed to the IRS, he no longer needs to accept every acting role that's offered to him. He instead actually chooses some exciting and weird projects. Though they don't always pay off, they exhibit his care for the craft and consistent strive to deliver something different to his audience. Simply observing his last few years in the business, he's given us movies like Pig, Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, Color Out of Space, Mandy, Into the Spider-Verse, Willy's Wonderland, and Mom & Dad. Heck, even Croods 2 was way better than expected - me and my fiancée laughed our heads off. Again, not all those films are masterpieces, but they certainly are different and provide a visceral viewing experience. So when I heard that Nicolas Cage was teaming up with A24, a studio that too recently stands out as a production company striving to give new filmmakers an exciting voice in the indie medium, it simply felt like a match made in heaven. Thus we have Dream Scenario.

Look, folks who know me know that I adore Nicolas Cage, so I do not want to come off as biased when I say this, but Nicolas Cage is great in this movie. Nope, it's not due to him having yet another weird haircut (what's with that recently by the way??). It's the fact that he manages to act as this very regular Joe, yet still makes him stand out. From his awkward demeanor, an honest naive outlook, and his voice - he was pitch-perfect, managing to be hilarious in his inept old-school perspective on things. It's Nicolas Cage at his best. Also, I have read that originally Adam Sandler was pitched for this role, and though I can see his farcical nature fitting in, it would have been a very different character to that delivered by Cage. Additionally, supporting turns from Julianne Nicholson, Tim Meadows, Dylan Gelula and Michael Cera were all welcome additions to the movie.

As for the film itself, it's also great. I love this idea of a random dude suddenly appearing in people's dreams for absolutely no reason. It's so rare to have a new original conception in a film in our day and age. Though this film could have so easily fallen into the trap of being an elongated one-joke, the creative team behind this seems to know what they are doing. Talk about getting everything out of a concept. The movie starts and you think, okay this is a lot of fun, but where are they going to go from here? Have no fear, they have plenty of tricks up their sleeves and the wild ride continues throughout. The film is hilarious. It contained some of the biggest theatre laughs I've heard in a long time. But it's more than that too. It actually gets quite touching and sad and has some really thought-provoking stuff going on. I do think it gets a tad lost in the cancel culture message, but only slightly.

The fact that this film started out as a project of Ari Aster is no surprise, as it has much in common with Beau is Afraid - notably the hapless and powerless central character and some surreal and blackly comic moments. In fact, what I really enjoyed was when the film leaned into that element of horror and the grotesque. Some of the nightmarish dream sequences really had that unsettling shock factor. I wish the movie was willing to go further into that, as even though I really like that the film went the more melodramatic route, in my mind I also wanted something even darker. That's not a gripe, but more so an observation of how a different vision for this film could have played out.

As for the aforementioned fart scene. Not spoiling anything, but this gag had the audience members in the screening howling with silent breathy cackling. It is one of the most well-calibrated comedic moments I've ever witnessed. The build-up to the timing and the actual punch line was simply sublime. Also, for a fart gag, it never felt crude, which is impressive in itself.

Overall Dream Scenario is a real treat. It has a very limited theatrical release here in the UK so had to travel to a different city to see it, but I'm so glad I did as one can never get enough of the man, the myth, the legend that is Nicolas Cage.

Overall score: 8/10

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yuraimi-lee-bunny · 8 months

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Grahamfield headcanons fluff and smut?

Hmmm. I'm going to be honest with this:

Yes, I still love Grahamfield, that will never go away. However, I don't really have any kind of headcanons for them anymore. I had them before, yes, but I think my mind is now on other topics that I can't think of at the moment.

I can only perhaps tell you what is the first thing that pops into my head when I think about them:

Warren and Max are calm, lying on the grass, under a tree that gives them shade. They're at peace, without any problems that cause them stress, guilt, or even that dull, meaningless feeling that they "don't deserve to be together." They have both changed a lot since 8 years ago, and love how they look with their haircut changes. And above all, so happy to have made friends that you feel have a very great bond, that made them feel that they weren't alone, that both they and their friends deserve to coexist without fear and much less without guilt, for the simple fact of being themselves, happy and together.

(Fun fact: while I was writing this, "Something about us" by Daft Punk played at my work, which is a song that I had put in a Mix I made for this ship… I seriously love the beautiful signs of the universe, confirming something to me: that yes, Grahamfield is real and it's perfect that it exists.

#thanks for your ask #life is strange #lis #max caulfield #warren graham #grahamfield #i love them so much #And they helped me SO much to who I am now as a person.

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baptistsuicidewidow · 6 months

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Every night

going to bed I think about Jeremiah. I don't know why right before sleeping is when my brain wishes to think of him most.

there was a song from the sleepless in seattle soudtrack that reminds me of such a thing:

youtube

"When the sun is high in the afternoon sky You can always find something to do But from dusk till dawn as the clock ticks on Something happens to you

In the wee small hours of the morning While the whole wide world is fast asleep You lie awake and think about the boy And never ever think of counting sheep

When your lonely heart has learned its lesson You'd be his if only he'd call In the wee small hours of the morning That's the time you miss him most of all

When your lonely heart has learned its lesson You'd be his if only he'd call In the wee small hours of the morning That's the time you miss him most of all"

Then I got to thinking about the baby. I get to see the baby on the ultrasound November 7! I am excited to know which gender... If its a girl, I am naming her Hope. If its a boy I was thinking Job. I want my second baby to have as much of a chance to have a happy thriving life, even without a dad. As a former fan of conservative talkshows I have heard the statistics about the ones without fathers. TBH raising kids without their dad was my biggest fear/was why I waited so long to get married. I married the most righteous-God-loving guy I had ever met, and still this has happened. The whole ditching his kids thing. I still cant wrap my head around his wanting to kill himself, knowing that he was a father.

I read today in the Bible in Proverbs 17:6, "Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers."

How did he talk himself into killing himself knowing he would curse his children like that? I will never understand that, and neither will our kids.

Anyway. Today I got my haircut for the first time since before I got married. I am not wearing my ring anymore, since it seems to be a lie. The fact is, Jeremiah broke up with me, by ending his life. So I needn't keep my hair the way he likes, or wear the ring that correlates with the one that's buried in the cemetery.

Isaiah had his second haircut today too. He sat all by himself and remained calm the entire time. It was remarkable. He is so handsome and so smart and so sweet. I just cant understand how Jeremiah said goodbye to him forever, knowing how much Isaiah needed him.

The best I have is to let the kids know that their dad got mentally sick. Since that was the case. Or idk what all to say and when. I'm still wondering and I have several years to figure it out before they realize how different they are from other kids.

So the names are Hope, and Job. Being called Care all my life really helped me learn to live to embody how to care. And has taught me the importance of my life verse, 1 Peter 5:7, "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."

So Hope is what she will need.

Job is the book in the Bible that explains the unexplainable happening to us here on Earth, and Job shows us exactly the appropriate posture before our mighty God, regardless of our own lack of understanding for God's decision-making.

I should HOPE that JOB would find comfort in that book especially, understanding his place in this world (and the next) is bowing down at God's feet.

So color me finally excited for this pregnancy! Once we know if its pink or blue, things will be easier to shift in my storage unit, looking at onesies might get more fun, all that stuff will be clearer, thankfully. And we will have a better estimated due date. So yes I am getting more excited for this pregnancy.

"Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward." Psalm 127:3

#coping with grief #dealing with grief #grief poetry #grief/mourning #griefandloss #Youtube

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notgonacatchmethistimebitchfucku · 2 years

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Uhg did not get to finish our activities this morning, they will be continuing later if he wants his haircut, which im sure he does. And im pretty damn sure that he will not be complaining one bit about me doing what im very skilled at for him again. But tbh i enjoy that just about as much, thats one thing that makes us very fun together is we both love giving oral... gd i know i need to not be so in love with him, that will lead me nowhere good. That is an indisputable fact. Bit aside from all that, i care about him very much and i know he looks out for me and wouldn't intentionally hurt me. Just slightly annoyed/ sad that he didn't come right back and get in bed like he said he would...i was really excited to continue our fun. I was having a fucking blast. Could tell he may have been feeling atad bit anxious of from my interpretation that i didnt want to be intimate as much as he did. When in reality i probably thought about it way more than he did. When he first walked in my room earlier i saw a shift in him from the last time i had seen him....before he never once crossed the threshold until the first night we had uh lots of fun and last night he walked into my room without any hesitation it seemed, followed quickly by him making himself comfy on my bed without any invitation which previously he always found a way around aside from the one night. Guess my increasingly less vauge comments about still being very excited about the idea of banging again after he told me about being single for reals for the first time since knowing eachother. Ive always been very attracted to him and even with it having happened once before, we never brought it up after and carried on like it almost never happened since he got back with bitch. This time i will do all i can to make sure that hes satiated on his needs of eating pussy and getting his dick sucked and fucked. I will gladly take on that responsibility. I really do have a lot of love for him, every time we talk i learn more and more about him that just enforce how i see him. So thanks co-star, for telling me to catch feelings. But the reality? I caught them a long time ago.... were horribly similar in not wanting to be the one to make the first move, i applaud him for doing it, he def made it clear what his desires were last night, something which i was still only succeeding at alluding to. My undyingv love and appreciation to you sir, for your perfectly executed use of pulling up porn to test the waters, then claiming your space in my bed and finally playing porn in my bed. Couldn't have done it better myself, and most likely wouldn't have done it myself. My fear of rejection runs deep, and i really wanted that to succeed. Hes coming back over in a bit to pick back up where we were interrupted... well hopefully back at the beginning tbh, i want all of it again, especially the load down my throat. I thuroughly enjoyed that, probably as much as he did. So yeah I'm def suggesting a do over but with an uninterrupted 2nd act pretty much the minute he walks in the door. I've been waiting too fucking long already

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raebayhc · 3 years

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Girls Night Out

warnings: implied virgin, fingering, lesbian implied, bi implied, public sex, smut, fluff, angst

word count: 2164

summary: you along with your groups of friends decide to have a girls' night for the first time in a while, things get heated and your friends end up taking turns using your body.

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It was a Thursday night and you along with the other ladies who went to the same college as you decided to go out and have a girls’ night. Yall planned on going to see a movie, going out for drinks, then finally retiring to Sasha’s barn where yall planned to stay up late telling spooky stories trying to freak one another out. Normally you wouldn’t agree to something like this because socially you were a lost cause, you had many friends and were very close to them. However, when it came to hanging out in large groups and even going out in public with the group, that’s when you started to get anxious. Your friends always had your back though and you knew that. Ultimately you decide not to fret too much and just have fun.

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It was the beginning of a very long night, you and pieck were roommates so yall got ready at the same time and left together to meet everyone else at the theatre. On the ride there pieck looked over to you and broke the silence- “if it becomes too much just let me know, I’m good to go home anytime.. Okay darling?” she patted your thigh and you nodded waiting for her warm hand to leave its place. It never did. She kept her hand on your thigh occasionally tapping to the beat of the music she turned on after yall briefly spoke. You felt your cheeks begin to warm as you peered out the window. Nobody within the group of friends knew you swung that way you wouldn’t dare tell them fearing the absolute worst. You knew they would love you no matter what and you never thought they would say anything hurtful but you still kept your little secret to yourself.

Piecks hand remained on you the whole car ride to the theatre. When yall arrived you hopped out of the car with intent... That intent being getting away from under piecks touch as you know you wouldn’t be able to hide your heavy breath for much longer. You played it off as getting “all excited” about seeing the movie when you really just wanted to escape. You waited as pieck slowly gathered her items and met you outside the car, yall then proceeded to walk through the glass doors into the theatre where the rest of the girls were already waiting.

“Yo what took yall so long??” Sasha said while stuffing her face full of popcorn. “Yeah, we thought we were gonna miss the movie because of you two” Ymir followed, whilst rolling her eyes. You look around to check everyone out, Historia and Ymir were clinging together, as usual, Sasha and Mikasa playing “hot hands” in the corner. You laughed as Mikasa gagged after Sasha got butter all over her hands. Pieck walked off to go meet hitch at the counter to get some candy. You giggled to yourself and told the girls that the movie was going to start soon and yall should probably head to yalls seats.

Finally, in yalls seats waiting for the movie to begin, you were sat between Sasha and Mikasa. You were definitely closer to these two than you were anyone else. Yall had been a trio since fourth grade and nothing could ever split yall apart. Nothing. All of the ladies were quite touchy with each other, it was all platonic of course. Why wouldn’t it be? Sasha snatched your right hand and hugged your shoulder burying her nose in the crook on your neck as a monster popped out at the screen. “Why would you choose a horror movie when you can't handle them” you whispered to Sasha to which she replied “because I like the way it makes me feel y/n, I get all tingly and itchy” you rolled your eyes holding back a chuckle so you wouldn’t disturb the others during the quiet scene.

You felt a slight tug at your left hand as Mikasa habitually grabs your hand. She tends to do that when she has nothing to do with her hands, it “helps her stay focused” she has explained to you a million times. Between Sashas breath on your neck and Mikasa drawing circles on your hand with her index you couldn’t help but squirm. You go to whisper something about the movie to Mikasa when she goes to do the same, your faces come within an inch of each other, noses barely touching you feel her breath out her nose as it fans across your lips. Your face turns bright pink as you halt in surprise. “I wanted to point out that actor….. Since we’ve spoken about them before…” she spoke softly. You replied with a small “me too…”. Yall have yet to part until you are broken up by screams as the movie takes a turn and Sasha yanks your arm “AHHHHH Y/N HELP!!!!!” Sasha screams in a high-pitched tone. You turn breaking your eye contact with Mikasa “Sasha! Be quiet we arent the only ones here!” you jab at her as you apologetically smile at the others in the theatre. You momentarily forgot about the moment you and Mikasa had until she takes her hand and places it on the back of your neck. Thumb swiping up and down, she pulls you a bit closer to whisper “awfully close weren’t we…” she lets that sentence linger before playfully giggling and removing her hand from your nape.

The movie was finally over and you were one of the last to leave your seat, since you decided to pick up all the popcorn Sasha had dropped after one of the jumpscares, you stand up, lifting your arms towards the ceiling, stretching and letting out a soft moan. You felt hands slither from the small of your back to the front of your hips “wow y/n, you have a hot moan. Whoever sleeps with you must be lucky” Ymir says before shifting you to the side to make way for her and historia. “Ugh, Ymir how many times do I have to tell you it’s not ladylike to talk about such things so casually” “I know I know I’m sorry... But it had to be pointed out” Ymir shrugged “she does have a point y/n.. You have an attractive voice it makes sense your moans would be..” historia pitches in and she looks you up and down before continuing “h o t” she lingers on the t a bit before moving on. You could feel your arousal pooling. The ladies seem different tonight... Maybe it’s just you... Maybe it’s not... They walk out and you follow suit.

You decide to ride with hitch since yall haven’t spoken a lot tonight, you ask her about life and she goes on to rant about her boyfriend noting that he’s not good in bed and she hates his haircut, she finishes her rant off with “ugh maybe I should just switch to girls! You’d date me right y/n?” you pause for a moment then reply with a simple “who wouldn’t!” a simple sentence yet complex at the same time. She turns to you and examines your face “you know I think id be a top if I were with a girl… in fact, you’d make a perfect bottom for me..” her eyes linger a bit too long, your skin crawling whilst illuminated by the red light yall were stopped at. It flashes green and her eyes return to the road “of course if I was single and into girls hahaha” she plays it off.

Yall arrive at the bar shortly after Sasha and Mikasa who had taken the same car and followed by Ymir who carpooled with historia. Mikasa and Sahsa hand out everyone’s paper wristbands, Sasha stops in front of you takes your hand, and putting it on for you. She didn’t do it for anyone else… just you. You decided you were overthinking and you moved on, walking into the club you were bombarded with loud music busybodies and the smell of alcohol. You were stressed, so many people, so many noises, so many smells. It was overwhelming, to say the least. Pieck noticed your uneasiness and placed her hand on the small of your back, she led you to a dark hallway filled with heavy pheromones and kissing partners, past that was a bathroom to which she leads you, pushed you in, followed after you, and locked the door. “Wh-” pieck covered your mouth with a single finger, “I noticed your stress, we can leave if you need y/n” a look of sorrow on her face. “No I’m fine it was just a lot at once I’m sorry, I’m okay now” you push out with a soft smile. Her body moving closer to you she wraps an arm around you pulling you closer “baby… tell me if you need anything, mmkay?” she purrs into your neck giving it a soft peck. Your arousal beginning to pool again you squeeze your thighs.

She excuses herself letting you go and leaving the bathroom. Turning around to face the mirror you scold yourself for acting the way you are when your friends are just being nice, they’d probably feel so grossed out if they knew your cunt was getting all nice and soaked for them, you thought. “Maybe I just need to relieve some stress… yeah that's all it is… built-up stress…” you hiked up the mini skirt that you decided to wear today above your hips and you pulled your new pink lace panties to the side. Beginning to slide your fingers over your unclothed clit the door rattles “hey bear, pieck said you weren’t feeling well so I brought you a dri-” historias sentence is cut short when she looks up to see you sitting on the counter sprawled open like a book. “I’m so so-” you begin before she hurriedly shuts and locks the door behind her.

“I- i- can explain-” she cuts you off before you get a chance to explain “oh bear..” a slight purr in her voice “who knew you had such a perfect pussy?.. All this time you’ve been hiding it from me?” she pouts, you’ve never seen her act this way much less talk this way before. Shocked by her actions you freeze, she steps closer and peers up into your eyes, lifting a hand to show she has her pinky and index slightly bent, she speaks “..may I?” if this was any other night you would freak out, apologize, get dressed quickly and leave, but for some reason you cant. “Please do” a slight whininess in your voice. Taking her ring and middle finger she traces a line from your entrance to your clit making you twitch once she reaches the small bud. She chuckles a bit and continues, pushing her middle finger into you, slowly but surely, you lay your head back resting it on the mirror. A low groan leaves her throat as you tighten around her finger “y/n… can I ask you a question? Hmm?” “nghh yes” you manage to push out through cries and moans. “You’re a virgin aren’t you, bear? Nobody has ever touched this perfect little body. Nobody has ever stuck their fingers in you either, huh?” you nod trying to keep sane while her pace quickens, you squint your eyes shut forcing tears out and down the sides of your face. Your response influenced her as she moved faster prodding another finger at your entrance and pushing it in with her other. “Ahh fuck ‘ri’” RI was a name you’ve called her since yall first met, originally made because you couldn’t remember her full name but it kind of just stuck throughout the years. “I’m gonna- I think I’m g-” cut off by the feeling of her warm tongue prodding your clit, dangerously licking and lapping, boy did she know how to please, and that she did. “RI oh shit” you grab a fistful of her hair as your orgasm hits, continuing to finger fuck you and lightly lick your sensitive bud she helps you ride out your high. “..- first, right?” you couldn’t make out what she said through your hazy mindset “what RI?” she repeats “I was your first, right??” you nod with lazy eyes, she smiles a big smile then gives you a sloppy kiss, you groan into her lips.

She cleans you up then helps you off the counter. Now realizing what had just happened you panic pushing out a quick “oh my goodness ri I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to put you in that position” she chuckles “don’t worry bear there are plenty of other positions I plan to have you in” before you could really digest that she tugs at your wrist leading you out to the main hallway and back to your groups of friends. The night has only begun….

THE END Pt. 1

this is my first fanfic ever so I'm sorry if it's bad!! I will continue to improve trust me! also, this will be a multi-part series so stay updated!

#aot #girls love #fanfic #smut #pieck finger #historia reiss #mikasa ackerman #hitch aot #ymir aot #sasha braus #mikasa x reader #sasha x reader #hitch x reader #pieck x reader #ymir x reader #historia x reader

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sixeyesgojo · 3 years

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Pictures of You

Summary: prequel to I’ll Be Your Enemy - fluffy!

Characters: IBYE!Reader, Gojo, Yuji, Megumi, Nobara

Word count: 2,3k

Content warning: none

A/N: requested by @thecaptainsbride

If anybody got the reference Gojo made when he was late; congratulations, you have been successfully hurt (but this time it was not me).

Since I left the relationship between Gojo and the reader up for interpretation in IBYE, I will do the same here! Consider this piece me trying to mend your hearts <3

Taglist applications open for anyone who is interested!

“A trip to an amusement park or something like that doesn’t sound so bad,” you mused in front of Satoru. “It serves as relaxation and maybe the first-years can get closer to each other, you know, bonding and so on. They will see each other many times from now on, so getting along with each other is important,” you reasoned, your eyes almost sparkling from the thought of a day off.

“But Jujutsu Sorcery is an individual–” he began.

“Satoru, I think you should see this as vacation. A vacation where you can eat sweets until your teeth rot and absolutely nobody will hold you back,” you interrupted him.

“Okay, I am sold. Am listening now.” You just knew how to convince him. Sweets.

So that was exactly how the first-year students and you ended up at a fairground somewhere in Tokyo; it was quite neat, not too small but not too spacious either. None of you could get lost in it. Still, it was buzzing with life and all kinds of people mingled. The colorfulness was a refreshing sight to take in, compared to the dark world of Jujutsu Sorcery where seeing people suffer was your daily routine. The pleasant smell of food wafted through the air, making your mouth water, as you walked past the different booths with them. Waffles sounded like absolute heaven on earth right now.

Jujutsu Sorcery certainly was a draining sport, mentally as well as physically. Therefore it was only right to take a break at times, right? Self-care days were just as important as working.

In order to wind down a bit, you had suggested a one-day trip – just you, Satoru and the three first-year students you had adopted in your mind right away after meeting them several times.

“Sensei, you look very pretty today!” Yuji complimented you. Even Megumi noticed: “Did you have a haircut? Your hair seems a little bit shorter.”

“Yeah, Nobara had a field day with me. Cutting my hair.. or more like trimming the ends, choosing my outfit, doing my make-up and so on just for today,” you gushed as if you were a high school girl again. “Leave it to master stylist Kugisaki Nobara and nobody will ever look bad,” the brunette girl commended herself. Yuji was affectionately patting her on the back.

Undoubtedly, Satoru was late – nobody was surprised about that. You already went ahead and generously treated the trio of students you loved dearly to some food.

“Thank you for the food, sensei!” As usual, Yuji and Nobara were in perfect harmony with each other, seemingly sharing a brain.

“Thank you very much,” Megumi also expressed his thanks sweetly. If you hadn’t known better, you would have thought the way his lips seemed to twitch was unintentional. “Absolutely no problem, kiddos. You guys enjoy it while I try to contact Gojo-sensei, yeah?” you shot them an apologetic smile, already fishing out your phone. The three of them nodded in perfect synchronization. They’re as cute as little ducklings, you thought.

You didn’t even need to bother calling.

You were about to dial Satoru’s number on your smartphone when Yuji’s voice boomed, “Oh! There he is! Gojo-sensei, we are here!!”

The boy waved at his teacher.

Satoru immediately spotted the pink-haired student and skipped over to where you all were standing. “Sorry for the wait! I’m afraid I got lost on the path of life!!”

“Nice of you to finally join us, but sadly, the fun is already over and we decided to go home. Just wanted to call you to let you know! We’ve been here since morning,” you deadpanned as the white-haired man arrived, looking Satoru dead in the eye – if they weren’t covered. “Wait, wha– Hold on, I am very sure I am not that late. MY MOCHI?” Satoru sounded frantic, facing his students who just shrugged their shoulders. “Serves you right,” Megumi stated calmly. Nobara, being the sassy girl she was, also joined in, “Losers don’t get to have fun and that’s a fact.”

It was such a wholesome and funny moment for you to see the students playing along with your prank without being told beforehand.

You broke out in laughter, not being able to contain it any longer, “You should have seen your face, dumbass! I was just joking!”

“Phew, I almost thought I had to kiss the idea of eating sweets today goodbye. What a horror that would be, my day would be OVER this instant,” the blindfolded man pouted, “so where should I buy my sweets? I’m gonna buy the entire place anyway, but where do I start? Any suggestions for Great Teacher Gojo?”

“Hold up, Satoru! We gotta take a picture together to commemorate this special day!” you suggested, bouncing up and down with enthusiasm. “I swear I just saw sensei’s eyes sparkle but I might be wrong,” Yuji remarked, looking at his dark-haired friend for confirmation.

“Sensei, if you want to take a picture, we have to take it at the right angle!” Nobara chimed in, the secret Instagram influencer in her on full display. She continued to explain, “It would come out great if Gojo-sensei took the pic, long arms privilege and so on.”

The female student almost seemed more into it than you were, it was adorable to you to see the usually bold student be this into taking pictures.

You hand the tall man your phone, but not without shooting him a “if you drop my phone, I’ll make you drop dead” look.

“Okay, ladies, now let’s get in formation,” the male teacher commanded loudly. Upon hearing that, Megumi immediately slapped his hand in his face and turned away in embarrassment. Why was this man like this?

“...Ladies?” Yuji asked, the expression on his face screaming ‘confusion’ “Gojo-sensei just referenced a Beyoncé song, Itadori,” the dark-haired boy explained in a hushed tone, turning back slightly as if he did not want to get caught.

“And it’s not just any song!” Satoru happily chimed in. “Yes, yes, the good old Formation,” you added, nodding in satisfaction. You remember how you showed him the album when it dropped.

“Can we all just ignore Gojo-sensei and take our pic?” Nobara inquired as she shoved everybody into their respective spots. “Alright, everybody, smiiiiile for the camera. Say cheese!”

Click, click, click, click.

Finally, Satoru had gotten his share of sweets. Complying with his sweet tooth was always an effective way to calm him for some time. Almost like feeding a baby, in a way.

Now it was time for fun rides!

...or at least that was what you thought… until Satoru dragged you along to ride a freaking pendulum ride with him. The three students had managed to talk themselves out of stepping foot on that monster of a ride but Satoru didn’t even give you a chance to refuse, he simply gripped your arm and walked towards it.

Stopping only when you were already standing in line, you nervously eyed the metallic behemoth with its iron arm. The monstrosity was seemingly ready to make you throw up from the way it would spin you through the air repeatedly, going back and forth and back and forth again. Why did you have to do this?

“Satoru,” you called his name timidly and tugged at his sleeve, the strange feeling not leaving your gut, “do I really, really have to do this?”

“Absolutely! I promise it will be very fun,” Satoru replied with a signature grin you wanted to wipe off of his face at that moment.

No, it was not fun. At all. You were dizzy and your fear of height was kicking. The blasts of air hitting your face left, right and center were not helping at all and you were sure, if anybody took a picture of you right now, you would look horribly green.

“I– can’t do this anymore!” you shouted mid-air, right before the ride swung to the other side. The force knocked the air out of you once again.

“SATORU, PLEASE GET US OUT OF HERE!” you begged and squeezed his arm with an iron grip. The height was too overwhelming. “Mid-ride?” Satoru asked and you nodded frantically. “Now that’s what I call reckless! Sounds like fun. I’m in!” he declared with a grin.

“Domain Expansion: Infinite Void.”

That was the last thing you heard the tall man say before he touched your head with his large palm.

Your eyes widened in horror as you realized this man used his domain this recklessly, for fun. Maybe it was a side effect of being able to use it multiple times a day.

The infinity gently wrapped itself around Satoru and you. Almost movie-like, you watched as the entire, vast universe beautifully unfolded in front of your eyes. Each star being created separately, then abruptly flashing by as a sea of stars – as if you were in a wormhole. You perceived the entire domain within a flash of a moment, yet tasted eternity in it. Everything but nothing at once.

Despite being touched by Satoru himself, the sensations weren’t without merit. If this was how it felt to be in the safe space of Satoru’s touch within his inner world of Limitless, you would rather not fathom how it felt to be the one hit by this powerful domain.

It took you some time to process things and recollect.

“When I said I wanted you to get the two of us out of that thing, I didn’t mean ‘send me to your domain’,” you scolded him.

“Well, it was convenient,” he defended himself and you could almost hear the grin on his face, “Bet you’ll hate me after this though.”

“Hating you was never really an option I’d ever consider but okay, we’ll run with it this time. Now undo your domain, please, while I am asking nicely.”

“Your wish is my command! This time at least.”

“Satoru.” A stern last warning fell from your lips.

“Yes, yes, boss. On it.”

“I thought you said it’ll be fun but I am absolutely not riding that thing ever again,” you took deep breaths to calm down as your feet securely touched the ground again. Your legs were still trembling a bit.

“And it was fun! At least for me! I like seeing you struggle – it’s so funny – and the way you clung to my arm? Adorable! You are so tiny compared to me, like a bug I could crush between my fingers!” The annoying sorcerer laughed merrily.

“Gojo fucking Satoru, the only thing that is about to be crushed here are your balls. With my leg. You are very lucky to have that damn Infinity of yours or else,” you threatened.

“Ouch, you really do know how to hurt an invincible man,” he snickered and flicked your forehead lightly.

Rejoining with the students was easy as they all saw the barrier Satoru’s domain created.

“You are lucky there was some kind of show going on down here. That barrier above would have freaked people out if they weren’t distracted,” Nobara said, looks shooting daggers at her weird teacher. Innocent and as nice as ever, Yuji pitched in as well: “Yeah, Fushiguro also tried to distract children with their wandering eyes! I think he did a good job.”

“Okay but what did he do though?” you asked curiously and looked at the boy in question.

“...Shadow puppets,” Megumi slowly admitted, looking anywhere but at the people in front of him.

“Oh? You love your foster-dad-turned-great-teacher this much to embarrass yourself out in public? That’s new!” Satoru teased the poor boy. “Someone has to be the voice of reason around here or you’d all be in jail. That includes preventing civilians who are able to see curses from seeing you use Jujutsu while floating mid-air,” he justified, ignoring the tall teacher’s mockery completely.

“As much as I love slandering Gojo-sensei, I’d rather spend my day actually having fun,” Nobara pitched in, reminding everybody of why you were here in the first place.

“So, let’s go ride the ferris wheel!” she added excitedly.

More fun rides.

Before you knew it, the day passed by. You could already feel the heaviness in your legs from walking. The swirling feeling from all the rides boded in your chest – you probably would not be able to sleep well tonight. It was definitely worth it though, you thought.

You had already brought the students back to their dorm – Satoru had ran off to the school because he remembered he had to do something – and were on the way home yourself.

You were in some sort of trance, completely immersed in your phone, so you hadn’t registered when Satoru called your name until he gently tapped your shoulder, falling into step with you.

“Yeah?” you looked up to Satoru, snapping out of your train of thought.

“Just wanted to tell you; ‘Operation: Relaxation Day’ was a great success.”

“I’m glad to hear that, Satoru.” A genuine smile graced your lips and for a moment, he softened at the sight.

“You know what? It was amazing, I really should start listening to you more often,” he confessed with a smirk.

“Well, it’s thanks to your amazing power of persuasion that we got to spend it like this, so thanks for today,” you half-heartedly complimented him.

“You do know I only said we’d not be available today and then dashed, right?” he asked you, the usual playful tone lacing his voice. “Exactly what I meant by saying ‘your amazing power of persuasion’.”

“I think I’ll frame the picture we took,” you murmured softly, fondly looking at the screen of your phone. The picture from earlier was displayed on your homescreen.

Surely, you would hang it on the blank wall in your home as well. It was a personal treasure now.

Taglist (dm me if you wanna be added): @assbuttbaek @megumifushi @bleueluna @gojos-mochi @delammi

#gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #gojo x y/n #domain expansion #infinite void #ibye series

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babyboibucky · 3 years

Text

Stages - Part 1

Pairing: AU!Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 1,072

Summary: Bucky slowly realizes that he wants to cross the line of friendship with you.

A/N: I started a new series and this is the result of listening to Lauv’s Feelings so y’all might want to listen to that. A good ‘ol classic friends to lovers trope...if they do end up together in the end lol

STAGES MASTERLIST || MAIN MASTERLIST

ONE: REALIZATION

Bucky was sure that it was just platonic, his friendship with you. Being friends since your ugliest days back in college, it wasn't that hard not to keep it platonic. You sported the most hideous haircut back then, wore braces that made you spit on Bucky's face whenever the two of you argued and you cursed like a motherfucking sailor.

There wasn’t even a hint of sweetness in your entire personality. Bucky literally cried to you out of fear when he almost failed a major and you merely laughed at him, called him a pussy for getting emotional over something so trivial and bought him a bucket of beer to make him feel better.

"She's totally not girlfriend material." Bucky used to tell everyone and you always agreed without even feeling offended.

Why would you be anyway? Getting attracted to Bucky never crossed your mind even though he didn't seem to have that awkward teenager phase, that lucky bastard. He was already good-looking with his piercing blue eyes and boyish grin that made every girl in the university swoon. Sure, he had some baby fat back then but his goddamn charm was undeniable.

Too bad it never worked on you.

You’ve seen how Bucky flirted, heard his cheesy pick-up lines over and over again and they just made you cringe. You almost wanted to throw up when Bucky shamelessly engaged in phone sex while he hung out at your dorm. Thank god he didn’t whip his dick out and jerked off while you studied, he just groaned and cursed into the phone, talked dirty to whoever it was he was talking to and boy was Bucky terrible at it.

“You want me to fuck you with my 8-inch dick?” Bucky grunted into the phone as he laid on your bed.

You rolled your eyes and slammed your laptop shut, deciding to continue reviewing somewhere else. You left your dorm but not without grabbing Bucky’s phone, interrupting him in the middle of his disgusting sex talk.

“8-inch dick? More like 8 inches divided by 4. Good luck sucking his micropenis, sis.”

“You fucking, bitch!”

The both of you knew each other very well too, a tad bit too much at that. You knew each other's deepest darkest secrets like that one time in sophomore year when Bucky had food poisoning during a test and had to swallow back his vomit again and again until he finished the exam. Or when you went on a blind date for the first time, sharted, and braved through the entire day with shit in your underwear.

You also knew he wasn't one to settle down and all the times that he did commit, he always ended up breaking the poor girl's heart. Bucky was also aware of your trust issues given your family history. Having witnessed your parents fall out of love and into resentment, you refused to believe in relationships.

“I heard you rejected Tyler. He isn’t so bad you know?” Bucky asked as he sat next to you in the library.

“You know I don’t do relationships, Buck.” you told him, leaning your face against your palm as you flipped through the pages of your handouts.

“I heard you dumped Dot.” you asked back. “I thought she was the one. I mean, you sorta changed when you started dating her. Thought you stopped using your dick to think.”

Bucky shrugged, “I got bored of it.” he responded.

You snorted and turned to him, “Guys like you are the reason why I don’t do relationships.”

“Yeah well, girls like you are the reason why I don’t do commitment.” he snapped back. “You’re too cynical, I mean c’mon. Have fun, suck a dick without attachments.” he said out loud, earning a chorus of shushes from the other students engrossed in their books.

You rolled your eyes at Bucky in embarrassment and started gathering your things, preparing to leave the library.

“I already did.”

“What the fuck?! When and whose dick did you suck?!”

“Shush!!!!!”

It was pretty clear that romance was out of the books between the two of you.

Bucky was sure that it was just platonic, his friendship with you. Until he slowly began to realize that maybe, just maybe...you might be girlfriend material after all.

As the years went by, Bucky started noticing the little changes in you in all aspects...and as a man, it was the physical changes that he started to notice first.

Sleepovers weren't unusual for the both of you, in fact, the both of you were comfortable letting each other stay the night at each other’s dorms. Junior year in college, Bucky decided to stay at your dorm to work on a project. You had just finished taking a bath when Bucky knocked on your door and almost choked on his own spit upon seeing you in a tight cami top and the tiniest pair of shorts.

It wasn’t really the first time you paraded around Bucky wearing such, but for some reason, he couldn’t get his eyes to look away from your chest that night because fuck, when did they get that perky? Bucky felt bad for sexualizing so he decided to go through your old pictures (you with the ugly-ass hair and braces) to rinse his brain and fortunately, it worked.

For a while, Bucky managed to ignore the physical changes you were going through. It didn't last long though, because right after graduation Bucky started to notice a lot of things about you. Your hair had grown longer and for some reason, Bucky found himself wanting to run his fingers through your locks. He loved the natural waves in your hair, sometimes he'd tug at them to annoy you but truth was, he just wanted an excuse to touch it.

You had your braces removed in senior year too but it wasn't until your graduation that Bucky noticed how it totally changed your smile. You were pretty insecure about your teeth and when you finally got them straightened out, you learned to smile more and with confidence. Bucky remembered your habit of covering your mouth with your hands whenever you laughed so when he first saw you laugh freely, he thought you looked the most beautiful.

Were the changes in you that blatant for Bucky to start noticing them or was he just paying more attention to you?

Bucky didn't know why. At least, not yet.

Everything Bucky Tag List:

@ddowii @jessou893 @hersilencedscreams

#bbbwrites #stages #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky #bucky x you #bucky x reader #sebastian stan

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startanewdream · 3 years

Text

The fawn and the stag

Summary: When six-years-old James Sirius has a crisis about never showing magic before, a familiar friend comes to help him.

For @prettyflores whose prompt was "Harry and/or James Sirius' first magic", and then it turned out in this family feels story.

Read on AO3 or below the cut:

_____________

The sounds of laughter and conversations were drowned away as James went around his house, leaving by the front gate; nobody noticed him. He was usually very good at avoiding being caught and even more so that day - all his parents' attention was on Al, little four-years-old Al who had just cast his first magic.

It was not a very impressive magic - Al was just upset because Lily didn’t stop crying and then he made some flowers levitate around her, distracting her. All grownups - Mom and Dad, Grandma Molly and Grandpa Arthur - had stopped to look and even Teddy seemed impressed with what he had seen. James didn’t think it was a big deal, but then everyone was applauding - Lily was giggling - and there was a light on Dad’s eyes that upset James more than anything.

His father had never looked at him like that.

Which was fair, because James had never shown any magic before.

He hadn’t been worried until then, but if his baby brother had performed magic, then so should James, right? He was older . And smarter - at least, Mom always said he was too smart for his own good.

So James had an idea and he had left them. It wasn’t like he could talk to anyone who had been there, there was no one who would understand him; he would usually come to Teddy for his questions, but Teddy had been unquestionably a wizard since birth, with that changing appearance of his. And he knew that Mom had been exploding things ever since she was younger than Lily (Uncle George always told this story with tears of joy in his eyes) and Dad… well, Dad was a hero. He didn’t know the full story because Mom told him he was still too young to understand, but he had seen Dad's Chocolate Frog Card and knew that his Dad had faced a Dark Wizard when he was just barely one-year-old.

It was only James that was lacking in the magic department in the family. Maybe there was something wrong with him.

‘There is nothing wrong with you’, he heard an amused voice say and he didn’t need to turn around to know his friend was there; James was already used to not noticing when he approached him, of not ever hearing his steps.

And James was already used too to how his friends sometimes seemed to read his mind.

‘I never did any magic’, James mumbled, annoyed, shame coming out of his voice at admitting it out loud.

‘Sure you did’.

‘How can you know?’, James asked. ‘No one ever saw me doing anything’.

His friend let out a small chuckle. When James turned to him, he was smiling gently.

‘Not every magic can be seen, Fawn’, he said.

James didn’t know what he meant by that, which was also normal. Sometimes his friend said things James couldn’t understand, like calling him Fawn, even though James had repeated a lot of times that his name was James.

‘Oh, I know’, his friend would say when James corrected him, and he sounded strangely sad about it, so James usually dropped the subject. He didn’t really mind being called Fawn.

It sounded affectionate, like something Mom or Dad would call him.

‘Where are you going?’, his friend asked, watching him with some concern as they got further away to James’ house.

‘The cliff’, James answered resolutely.

‘Hum’, his friend pressed his lips, his hand grabbing his own hair rather nervously. ‘That cliff where your dad told you not to go alone?’

James nodded. They would go down to the beach on weekends and there was a nice cliff where they could watch the sunset on a picnic sometimes. James had never thought much about it until a few weeks ago when he saw those teenagers jumping off the cliff in the sea beneath and that had seemed fun - and even more interesting when Dad had said it was too dangerous to jump like that and he shouldn’t do it.

But James never considered actually going there until now.

‘Fawn’, his friend sounded distressed now. ‘I know your expression very well. It speaks of trouble . What are you thinking of doing?’

‘Uncle Neville once told me a story about how he discovered he was a wizard’, James explained without stopping walking. He was near his objective. ‘His great uncle let him fall off a window and he bounced to the ground’.

‘And now you are thinking of jumping off a cliff? This is a terrible idea’, his friend declared, though James thought he sounded just a little impressed. ‘Wandless magic doesn’t work like that - and magic comes for everyone at their own time, Fawn. Go back home’.

‘I can’t!’, James cried, feeling his eyes burning with tears. ‘They are all gushing over Al and… I am older , I should have done magic already! What if - what if I can’t -’

‘Fawn’, his friend stopped in front of him, kneeling so their eyes could be at the same level. ‘I promise you are a wizard. But even if you weren’t, your parents would love you all the same -’

‘What do you know?’, James interrupted him, drying away the tears that insisted on dropping from his eyes, which only annoyed him more. Only Lily cried - and she could because she was a baby. ‘You don’t even exist!’

That made his friend blink, startled. James was breathing heavily; it seemed weird to accuse his friend of not existing, when James could see him clearly with that dark messy hair that reminded him of Dad and those hazel eyes that shined very brightly, a face so familiar that James thought he had known him since always; but James had heard Teddy talking about him.

Imaginary, Teddy had called him.

And James had realized how Albus always got confused when James mentioned his friend, even though he had been by James’ side on occasions that Al had to have seen him; even Mom and Dad, though they had never said anything about it, seemed amused when James mentioned his friend, sometimes accepting his presence only after James mentioned him, until James had finally accepted that his parents couldn’t see him at all.

A part of James had known what that meant, but he always ignored in favor of just accepting his company . He was the only one that James never shared with anyone; and he would play with James before Al grew up enough to join him, or when Teddy wasn’t near - and considering Teddy would be going to Hogwarts that year, James had wanted even more to keep the presence of a friend that never seemed to judge him; in fact, his friend seemed to approve most of the small misdeeds that James would do time from time.

He was always there when James needed him.

But now James had more pressing things to care about than the fact that his best friend was just on his own mind.

‘Let me go’, he asked, when his friend didn’t move. ‘I - I told you, you don’t exist. Go away!’

James knew how that worked. Sometimes when he was afraid of something under his bed or in his closet, his dad would come and show him that there was nothing there.

‘And let me tell you a secret, James’, his dad would say with a warm smile that calmed James more than anything in the world. ‘You are much more powerful than any fear. So you close your eyes and think very firmly “go away!”. When you open your eyes, there will be nothing there’.

But now it was not working with his friend, who was just staring at him with faint worry in his eyes. James supposed it only worked for things he was afraid of and, truth be told, his friend gave him the opposite of fear.

‘You always tells me to not give up’, James said then, sniffling. ‘Why are you not letting me go?’

‘Because it’s a silly idea, Fawn. Magic can show itself in moments of need, but not always. I don’t want you to be hurt’.

‘See? You don’t think I can do it’.

‘I think you are a kid who can’t control your own magic yet. Like… Teddy once was. He can change his hair, right?’ James nodded, thoughtful. ‘But he needed a lot of practice to learn. Like you will when you go to Hogwarts’.

‘I don’t know - what if I never get a letter - if I am not a Gryffindor like Mom and Dad -’

‘Fawn, I am telling you, your parents love you the way you are’. And when James opened his mouth, his friend touched the point of James’ nose. ‘I know what I’m talking about, I am a parent too’.

That made James pause. His friend never talked much about himself.

‘You are?’

‘Yes. And you know what? Every day I am proud of my son’.

‘You have a son? Do I know him?’

There was a smile on his friend’s face, one that suddenly reminded James of his own dad when he was talking to Teddy about Teddy’s father or when James had asked him where his dad’s parents were.

It was… wistful.

It made James feel sad for some reasons he couldn’t understand.

‘You do’, his friend said. ‘And he was older than you when made his first magic’.

‘Older?’

‘Yeah, he was seven. He didn’t know what he was doing, he didn’t know that he was a… anyway, he was going to the school and his… his aunt gave him a terrible haircut, really awful. And he made his hair grow back at night. He was sleeping when it just happened. His first magic’.

His friend sighed then; a heavy silence that reminded James of his parents when they were thinking about the war, of things that were lost and could never come back.

‘Did you think he wasn’t a wizard?’, James asked in a small voice. ‘Before?’

‘I never really thought about it’, he answered, and James could only hear the honesty in his voice.

‘Would you be upset if he wasn’t?’

‘I would be worried’, his friend said, again sighing. ‘But not because of what anyone would think, just because I knew his road ahead was difficult and it would be worse without magic. But never upset . The things he did that most made me happy and proud had nothing to do with his magic’.

James walked again, this time to sit on one of the benches in the small park they were. His friend sat next to him, his arms protectively around James’ shoulder.

‘What things?’, he asked curiously.

‘Well - lots of things. Once he went to face a very dangerous wizard and he did it because he knew he was the only one that could do it, even though he was just eleven. And, no, he didn’t cast a single spell for it. It was just him and his love that saved him’.

‘Love is the most powerful magic’, James recited. His dad always told him that.

His friend smiled.

‘Yes, but it’s not a wizarding magic, Fawn, Muggles love just as fiercely’, he said, and then he looked away at something James could not see. ‘I was proud of my son whenever he stood up to defend his friends. When he did the right thing no matter what. But I think the day I was the happiest was when he gave me my first grandson’.

‘You have a grandson?’, James asked, surprised. His friend looked even younger than his father, not all old like James’ grandparents or Teddy’s grandmother.

‘I look good for my age’, his friend assured him playfully, once more knowing exactly what was on James’ mind. ‘And I don’t have only one grandchild, but three. I love them all, but the first… was the first’. He threw James a furtive look. ‘He got named after me, so I may be a little biased. Don’t tell anyone’.

There was a mischief look on his face now, one that James recognized in the mirror every time he saw himself doing something he shouldn’t be doing.

He felt a sudden wave of warmth for his friend.

‘I am sorry I said you don’t exist’, he said sincerely. ‘I know you are real, even if no one else sees you’. James cocked his head to the side, a thought coming to him. ‘Why doesn't anyone else see you?’

‘You are thinking of the wrong question’, he answered cryptically. James tried to think what could be the right question, but nothing came to him. ‘And they may not see me, but your parents know me’.

‘They do?’

‘Oh, yeah. We’ve met before. I loved your father even before he was born. And your mother and I had a nice chat right before you were born, you know?’

‘That was ages ago’.

‘Six years mean nothing to me. Time flies by when…’

But his friend shook his head, not finishing his phrase. He looked away, past James, in the direction of his house.

‘Your parents are looking for you; they are rather worried’, he said, as if he could hear them calling, even though James thought it was too far. ‘Did you give up on your idea then?’

‘Yeah’. James shrugged, trying to pretend it was nothing much, though he knew his friend wouldn’t be deceived. He always seemed to know when James was lying. ‘It wouldn’t even be new. I would want my first magic to be far more exciting. Like Mom’s’.

His friend gave him a fond look.

‘I told you, Fawn, not every magic is a firework. Some are just as simple and quiet as crossing the barriers of life and allowing a grandparent a time with his grandson’.

James didn’t understand what he meant by that. But he thought that his friend was very nice and that he wished he had all the time in the world with the grandchildren he mentioned he had.

‘Your dad will find you soon’, his friend told him. ‘I think I will go - will you be okay?’

James nodded.

‘Tell him what’s bothering you. Your dad will always listen to you’, his friend said. ‘And Fawn… even if we don’t see each other, you know I will always be here when you need me, don't you?’

James smiled.

‘Thanks… what do I call you? I never knew’.

His friend gave James a lopsided grin that James had to share.

‘What do you want to call me?’

‘I don’t know’, James answered truthfully. It would be weird to call him Mister when James already thought of him too much as his friend and he didn’t look like one of his uncles. ‘What do your grandchildren call you?’

There was the most curious look on his friend’s face. James had never seen him so sad, almost crying.

‘I’d expect Grandpa’, he whispered.

‘Well, I could call you Grandpa then’, James said. He called Teddy’s grandmother as Grandma sometimes too; she didn’t seem to mind.

‘Yes, you could, James’, he said very softly, looking happy and melancholic at the same side, and James realized it was the first time he called him something other than Fawn.

He was going to note it when he heard someone calling him in the distance. He turned in time to see Dad coming in his direction, running, and James got up. When he looked back at the bench, there wasn’t anyone there anymore.

This was usual too. His friend would come and go without James ever noticing it.

‘James!’, his dad called him once more, and then he was giving James one of those bear-hugs that Dad always reserved for when he came home after a long mission for work. ‘I was so worried!’

‘You were?’, James asked, surprised, because he really thought no one would notice him gone.

‘Of course I was! Don’t ever disappear on us again, please!’

‘I am sorry’, James mumbled guiltily. ‘I just thought - you were so excited because of Al, I didn’t think -’

‘Oh, James’. Dad broke away a little to look at him. ‘Is that why you left?’

James bit his lips, not wanting to answer. Dad kneeled in front of him and James had a vision of his friend doing the same before; for the first time, he realized they actually look a lot like each other, though his friend didn’t use glasses and didn’t have any scar on his forehead.

‘James?’, his dad asked softly. James took a deep breath.

‘I was afraid of not being a wizard’, he whispered. ‘I never did what Al did’.

‘That was accidental wandless magic, James’, his father explained patiently, messing with James’ hair fondly. ‘It’s not controllable’.

‘But you looked so… proud of him and I wanted you to be proud of me too’.

‘I am proud of you’, his father assured him. ‘Al’s magic just reminded me of something I saw a long time ago. And you are my little mastermind genius, aren’t you? Or you think I don’t know who put those Canary Creams on your cousins’ cake last week?’

James grinned without controlling, not at all ashamed. It had been fun watching them all turn into little canaries and it was temporary, Uncle George had explained to him.

‘You are different from Al, just I am sure Lily will be different from both of you. And I love you all the same’.

‘Even if I happen not to be a wizard?’, James asked, the smile dying from his face as he stared intently at his father. His friend had assured him, but James needed to hear his dad saying it.

‘Even then’, his dad said and James looked in his eyes for any sign that he wasn’t speaking the truth, but there was none. He breathed easily, a huge weight coming out from his shoulders, and his father looked at him as if wondering if he should say something more. ‘I know you haven't shown anything yet, but... Strange things always happened around you, did you know?’

James shook his head. He never noticed anything.

‘I mean, even stranger for wizarding standards. Once we let you alone for five seconds, thinking you were safe inside your crib. It was magically protected to avoid any way of you getting out - only physical force would open. But you managed to open and then we found you coming in our direction, walking as if… as if someone was guiding you. We never understood what happened exactly’.

‘What do you think it was?’, James asked.

‘Maybe you have a guardian angel’, Dad answered, but James thought he was just joking.

‘Maybe it was Grandpa’, he said, shrugging. James didn’t remember since when he saw him, but he supposed he was there by his side ever since he was just a toddler.

‘Grandpa? No, Arthur wasn’t -’

‘No, Grandpa is… Never mind’.

James shook his head, giving up. His dad couldn’t see his friend anyway.

‘Okay… Well, what I meant, James, is that you have nothing to worry about. You know, I don’t think I’ve ever shown any magic until I was about seven. There is no age exactly’.

‘So it’s normal? I mean -’

‘Perfectly normal’. His dad raised, offering him his hand. ‘Let’s go back home? Your mother is worried too’.

‘I didn’t mean to upset you’.

‘I know. But next time you have any problem, you come to us, okay? We will always be here for you’.

James smiled more openly now.

‘What were you doing alone out here?’

‘I wasn’t alone ’, James answered, rolling his eyes because he knew his father wouldn’t understand this. ‘I just was… thinking’.

His dad threw him a look that told James he wasn’t falling for what James said, but he didn't insist. That look reminded James of his friend back ago; maybe it was a look that came with being a dad.

In any case, James considered that it was better for his dad to wonder than knowing for sure about that cliff-jumping idea.

‘What was it, Dad?’, he asked instead, to distract him. ‘Your first magic?’

‘Oh’, there was a faintly amused look on his face as if he thought the idea was laughable. ‘Something silly, I made my hair grow overnight… James?’

He’d noticed James had stopped walking and was looking at his father with a funny expression.

‘Was it because of a terrible haircut?’, he asked. His dad nodded slowly.

‘Yeah, how did you -’

‘Lucky guess’, James answered, walking again, biting his lips, his mind considering the possibilities. If what he was thinking was right… Mom had explained to him about ghosts and once Aunt Luna had said in that dreamy voice of her that people never really left their loved ones... ‘Dad, you are proud of me?’

‘Yes, like I told you’.

‘I think… I think your dad is proud of you too’.

Harry stopped at the front gate to look at James. There was that wistful smile on his face and James thought he could understand a little; he wanted his dad near him all the time and he couldn’t imagine growing up without him like it had happened with his dad.

‘It’s what I hope every day’, he whispered, then he sighed. ‘Now, go run to your mother, she is was concerned for you. If you ask nicely, I think she may even take you to a flight’.

James beamed and he ran to the backyard, allowing his mom to hug him; she was a little mad he’d been missing, but he could tell she was much happier he’d come back. Even Al and Lily seemed delighted he was back and James allowed himself to be a little pampered.

He looked over his mom’s shoulder to see his dad walking calmly towards them, and, for a brief second, James thought there was someone next to him, someone who had an uncanny resemblance to his dad, grinning at the scene. Then he blinked and, when he looked back, there was nothing there but his father, a smile on his face that James knew all too well.

#Family Feels #Harry Potter and James Potter #James Potter and James Sirius #James Sirius #James Potter dreamverse #sort of at least #More like James always comes in times of need #Harry Potter and James Sirius #I don't know how to write next gen #not really

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kanerallels · 3 years

Note

OKAY OKAY ROUND TWO OF THIS! Kanera fix it or Kanera and waffles! Whichever works <3

*has no self control* *writes my first fix it* This was hecking fun! I hope you enjoyed it!

Pairing: Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla

Word Count: 2,455

Tags/Warning: rated T (for time travel! *insert Hulk gif here*) and also near death

This wasn’t how Kanan wanted things to end.

He'd wanted more time. He'd wanted to explain things to Hera, to tell her how much she meant to him.

But things had moved too fast for him. Kanan was too late.

He felt the heat of the fire from the fuel pod singing the tips of his fingers, and concentrated on pushing it back with all his strength, his hands shaking slightly and his face twisting with the effort. The fire billowed high above him, but Kanan wasn’t afraid. Just full of regrets.

Behind him, he heard Hera scream his name, her voice full of raw desperation and fear. Kanan knew, without even needing to look, that she would run towards him and she did, her steps barely audible above the roar of the flames.

Turning without looking, Kanan diverted part of his concentration and caught her in her steps, holding her back with the Force. He felt her struggle against the grip, panic and fear pulsing through her.

Slowly, on some instinct he didn’t understand, he turned to face Hera. Maybe it was because of how much he ached to see her. Maybe it was to give her one last glimpse of him. Kanan sensed her desperation, her fear, how much she wanted to reach him.

But he couldn’t let her. There was too much at stake. So with a quick thrust, he sent her flying back to where Ezra was waiting, ready. His apprentice caught hold of her, holding her back. Kanan felt a flicker of gratitude-- he could always count on Ezra.

An odd tingling sensation swept across his eyes, and for a moment he thought he was crying. But crying had been impossible ever since Malachor. Since he’d been blinded.

Even as he thought the word, it was like a cloud was swept away from his eyes, and he could see. Kanan had no idea how, but he accepted it calmly, as he’d accepted his fate.

His gaze locked onto Hera first-- Hera, clad in an orange prisoner’s jumpsuit, a look of complete horror and fear in her eyes, with the slightest hint of surprise and awe as she looked at him. Kanan took her in, drinking in the very sight of her. She was older than she had been when they’d first met, and had only grown more beautiful. And Kanan had only grown more in love with her.

Behind her, holding her back, was Ezra-- Force, Ezra. He was so tall, so grown-up looking. Kanan was well aware he’d only ever pictured the little boy from Lothal, and he felt pride stirring in his heart. Stay safe, kid, he thought. You know what to do. I love you both.

And so he released his hold on the flames and used all his power and strength to send the ship that held Ezra, Sabine, and Hera flying away from the fuel depot. It would be enough. It had to be enough.

They would be safe. And they would keep fighting. Hera always did.

That was Kanan’s last thought before the flames swallowed him.

But it wasn’t his last thought.

Even as the fire swirled around him, he heard a strange whoosh, and the sound of boots impacting on metal, and suddenly the fire was gone. And Kanan was somewhere else entirely.

“Did it work?”

A young male voice came from behind Kanan, stunned but excited.

“Of course it worked, idiot, he’s not dead and we still exist,” said a dry female voice that sounded… bizarrely familiar. Almost like--

Kanan turned towards the sound and someone tackled him to the ground, slapping a hand over his eyes. “Sorry, sorry-- eyes closed,” the young man ordered. “If you look, I’ll tell Hera.”

“What does that even mean?” Kanan demanded-- although it was a fairly compelling argument. Trying to shove the young man off of him, he said “Who are you? What are you doing?”

“Saving you, you dumb--”

The young man cleared his throat loudly, cutting off the woman. “We were sent here to save your life.”

“What?” Kanan’s jaw dropped, surprise flashing through him. “Wha-- no, I was supposed to die. It had to happen, to save Hera and Ezra and Sabine--”

Letting out an exasperated sigh, the woman said, “They’re FINE, trust me. Well, other than the fact they think you’re dead.”

The young man groaned. “Okay, you should probably stop talking now. I’ll handle this.”

“You’re not much more diplomatic than me!”

“Everyone’s more diplomatic than you, Depa.”

“Depa?” Kanan asked, a frown knitting his forehead.

He heard his two rescuers freeze, and a muttered curse. “Yeah,” the young man said cautiously. “That’s her name.”

“That was my master’s name,” Kanan said, his mind racing. There was no way that could be a coincidence. Sure, there were probably other people in the galaxy named Depa, but--

“You can probably stop sitting on him-- he’ll behave,” Depa said dryly. “Right, Jarrus? That means keep your eyes close, and NO PEEKING or I’ll punch you out.”

“You can’t punch him out,” the young man said with a sigh.

“Why, because he’s an old geezer? I’m not afraid to hit an old man.”

Kanan sensed the young man rolling his eyes. “He’s not even that old right now! Okay, I’m gonna let you up-- please keep your eyes closed.”

The young man scrambled off of him, and Kanan slowly rose to his feet, wincing. He’d been burned, he could feel that much-- his hands, the back of his neck and his face especially. But somehow, impossibly, he was alive.

“I-- thank you,” he said. “I don’t know how or why you saved me, but thank you.”

“Someone had to,” Depa said, her voice surprisingly sincere. “And Force knows you needed help.”

“True,” the young man agreed. “But we don’t have all day here-- we need to get you back.”

“Back?” Kanan asked.

“Back to Hera and everyone else,” the young man elaborated. “If you follow us, we can get you out of here and back to them. They should be expecting you. Hopefully. We’re pretty sure Ezra warned them.”

“Reassuring,” Kanan said, keeping his eyes shut. “Which way are we going? And where are we, exactly?”

“This way,” Depa said, giving his shoulder a slight nudge in the right direction. As Kanan started walking, she added, “And we’re in some dumb alternate dimension.”

“It’s a world between worlds,” the young man corrected from ahead of them. “And it was really hard to get here. You wouldn’t believe all the stuff we had to do to get here. But it led us to where you were, which makes it worth it.”

“Why?” Kanan asked, releasing the question he’d been turning over in his mind. “Why did you come to save me? Why you in particular?”

He heard the young man’s footsteps stutter, like he’d paused in his steps. “Oh. Um…”

“Subtle, Jacen,” Depa said sarcastically.

“Jacen?” Kanan felt a grin cross his face. “So that’s your name.”

Jacen let out a sigh. “Nice one, Depa. Look, D-- Kanan. You’re… really important. To a lot of people. And they couldn’t just lose you if there was something that could be done.”

“So we did it,” Depa said matter of factly. “As you do. Oh, we’re here! This is your stop.”

They came to a halt, and Kanan sensed… something. Like a light at the end of a hallway, beckoning him forward. “And this is where I’m supposed to go?” he said warily. “It’s safe?”

“Trust me,” Jacen said. “She’s on the other side. Hera is. Your family is waiting for you.”

Kanan nodded slowly, his mind spinning. Despite the obvious strangeness of this whole thing, the way it had caught him off guard, there were a few things that he had a strange feeling about. Like he was two steps away from putting something together, something incredibly important. “Wait-- before I go through there. Will I be able to see?”

“I-- oh. No,” Depa said, her voice soft, almost shaken. “You never could after Lothal. That was the last time.”

“Then I at least want to see the faces of the pair that saved my life,” Kanan said. “If you’re alright with it.”

“I’m not sure--” Jacen began.

“Oh, shut up and let him,” Depa said, her voice exasperated. “What’s the worst that could happen? Besides, I-- I want him to.”

There was a short pause, then Jacen sighed. “I know. Me, too. Okay, go ahead.”

Kanan’s eyes flicked open. He was in what looked like outer space-- pure black, only broken up by strange white lines outlining paths. And, every now and then, circular doorways. “Huh,” Kanan murmured, his gaze sweeping across the place. And then it landed on the duo standing in front of him, and his eyes widened in surprise.

They were both a couple years younger than him. Jacen was a tall young man, tan-skinned except where it was green, especially along his pointed ears. His long hair, tied back in a ponytail, and scruffy goatee were a deep shade of green, and his eyes were almost an almost disturbingly familiar shade of turquoise.

Depa was a young Twi’lek woman with green skin, pink patches here and there. Her eyes were brown, and widened slightly with shock as they met his. “He really does have your eyes,” she said, her voice stunned.

“Wow,” Kanan breathed, any doubt in his mind swept away. “Are-- are you two-- Wow. Words fail me.”

Depa let out a snort. “Same here. But about that haircut. Mom was right, it really is awful. Worse than the one Jacen gave himself when he was eleven. It was really bad, be glad you didn’t see it.”

Kanan chuckled, then glanced at Jacen. “I-- and you two came here to save me?”

Jacen shrugged. “We wouldn’t exist if we didn’t. Well, I would, but Depa wouldn’t, and that’s a downside. Kinda.”

Depa punched him in the arm, and Jacen let out a yelp, darting away from her as she took another swing at him, and Kanan could only shake his head because of what he was watching. “This is unbelievable.”

“I mean. Not that unbelievable,” Jacen pointed out, a smile crossing his face that Kanan had seen a thousand times in the seat next to his own.

“Wow. You look… just like your mom. Both of you.”

Jacen’s eyes went wide. “R-really? Um. Everyone says I look like… you.”

“That is Hera Syndulla’s smile right there,” Kanan said, and he knew it to his core. “Looks just like hers. But yeah, I can see our resemblance. Well. For now.”

The smile faded off of Jacen’s face, and he said in a low voice, “We can’t stay.”

Nodding, Kanan said, “I know. I should probably get going, too. Just--” he paused, looking at his children for the last time. “I’m proud of you two already.”

“That is so typical of you,” Depa said, rolling her eyes in a completely Hera movement. “Do you have any idea how many kids you’re gonna adopt? Hint-- it’s a lot.”

“No spoilers,” Jacen ordered. “We should go. But before we do--” he turned to Kanan. “When the time comes, tell Ezra that he doesn’t have to be you. He has to be him, and no one else.”

“Oh, and don’t worry,” Depa said breezily. “You’ll find him eventually.”

“Wait, what? What does that mean?” Kanan demanded.

“You’re about to find out,” Depa said with a wink, and that, Kanan knew, she’d gotten from him.

Leaning forward, Jacen said, “She’s your most infuriating child. Yes, more so than the Mandalorian.”

Kanan shook his head, grinning. “I can’t wait for you two to come along. I really can’t.”

Shrugging, Depa said, “You might not have to wait that long. Now get out of here, we’ve all got places to be.”

“Right.” Kanan turned towards the doorway, which was a blank white, and glanced back at his kids one more time. “May the Force be with you,” he told them.

“You always say that,” Jacen said with a slight grin. “See you soon, Dad.”

Kanan nodded, then stepped through the doorway.

Everything was dark as he stumbled out into what was some kind of clearing, or something. But he felt the sunlight on his face, and knew why it was. His eyesight was gone again, and he was okay with that.

A shriek cut through his thoughts, and he jerked his head up as someone shouted his name. “Kanan!”

It was Hera, her voice holding shock and joy and love, and Kanan heard her run towards him. But this time, he was running, too, and felt her slam into him. “You’re here,” she choked out, a sob shaking her body. “Ezra was right. I didn’t think--”

Kanan cut her off with a kiss, pulling her closer as she kissed him back. Breaking away from the kiss, he whispered, “I love you, too.”

Hera let out a shaky laugh. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear those words, love.”

“I-- wait.” Kanan froze. “How long was I gone? How long since the fuel depot?” Panic raced through him.

“Only three months,” Hera assured him, clearly catching his fear. “You’ve missed a lot. There’s some things we should talk about.”

“I bet,” Kanan muttered. “Okay, let’s go talk.”

Hera stepped away from him, but caught hold of his hand so she could lead him. “Right this way, dear.”

Kanan relished the sound of her voice as he walked with her, willing to wait through whatever they had to talk about next.

Well. Almost willing. “There’s… one thing that I have to ask you,” he said. “There was this weird thing that happened while I was gone-- it’s a long story. But something that happened made me think-- it might be stupid, but I just need to ask--”

Cutting him off, Hera said, “Just ask, love.”

“Right.” Taking a quick breath, Kanan asked, “Are you… pregnant?”

He felt her stop in her tracks, shock radiating through her. “I--” Hera paused, then let out a sigh. “I was planning on telling you myself, you know. Not sure I should be thanking your Jedi instincts on this one. But… yes. I’m pregnant.”

Holy. Kriff. “I’m gonna be a dad,” Kanan whispered, the words surreal but beautiful. They were real. I actually saw my kids. Which means-- Jacen.

A smile slipping across his face, he bent down and kissed Hera again. He knew things had to have changed, and he had a lot to catch up on. But he was with the woman he loved, and he had a lifetime to look forward to. They could handle it together.

#kanan jarrus #swr #star wars rebels #hera syndulla #star wars #kanera #kanera is love kanera is life #jacen syndulla #depa jarrus #kanera oc child #swr fan fic #111 followers celebration #this is late but i had to publish it before kanera week. i had to!#but it's also the last celebration fic! go me!#sorry it took so long #kanan lives au #it was dope. the end

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