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heartkyeom · 11 months

Text

be sweet

prince!hoshi x princess!reader (svthub garden collab)

word count: 18.7k

warnings: arranged marriage, enemies to lovers, modern royalty au, family issues, descriptions of food, unprotected sex

tag list (only svthub members since I’m revamping my tag list): @bitchlessdino @wondernus @idyllic-ghost @strawberryya @junkissed

notes: oh my god I finally have another fic out!! this one was truly a labor of love, thank you to all the svthub members that beta read any part of this story. this fic is for the @svthub garden collab and I am extremely grateful for the network’s help with this story <3 I’m very happy that this aligned with hoshi’s birthday! and a big big thank you to my beloved @wondernus for making this amazing header for me!!! as always, I hope y’all enjoy this and please leave feedback through reblogs !!!! and the title is based off the amazing song be sweet by japanese breakfast, listen along to it if you’d like!

The day’s events shouldn’t have felt so taxing, yet they were. There were only a few meetings you had to sit in on, both not requiring full participation. That sounded easy enough for you to handle, you were used to the rigor of royal meetings for years now.

It was easy enough to brush off any requests with a short comment of approval or neutrality, never expressing a thought of negativity unless the guest was close to your family.

You didn’t pull the princess card very often, especially since your meetings mainly consisted of fellow royals who knew the pressure of the job, but today felt different.

Maybe it was the dull pressure that resided in your head, making it hard to focus on the topics at hand. You curse yourself for not taking some kind of headache relief earlier, but now it has lodged itself in the middle of your brain.

You almost work up the nerve to speak up, but your aide beats you to it.

“Princess,” you feel a hand on your shoulder, “there's an urgent matter. We should leave immediately.” Her hushed tone makes your heart clench.

You could only hope no one in your family was hurt. You silently nod and clear your throat, bringing attention to yourself.

“I’m so sorry, but something urgent came up. I have to go, but please make sure to send me any notes and I’ll be sure to review them before we meet again,” You offer the room a small smile, enough to garner empathetic nods from the room.

You let out a shaky breath and stand from your seat, your aide trailing slightly behind your side as you both exit the room in silence.

“What’s going on?” You ask hesitantly.

“Someone has requested a private meeting with you, they asked to keep their identity a secret. Everyone in the family is okay, don’t worry,” The aide turns her head slightly to make sure she can see your response.

You can’t help but ask about your family first, it’s the only thought you have as the only child.

If someone’s passed on, you’re stepping up to handle the situation, and the emergency plans start to kick into high gear.

Luckily, that nightmare can remain at rest.

“Okay,” you nod slowly, trying to process who could want a private meeting with you.

Is an elder statesman concerned about his country? An estranged family member asking for a favor? It really could be anything or anyone.

You both keep a consistent pace through the cavernous halls of the royal estate, your footsteps echoing loudly with each step. You soon arrive at one of many conference rooms, and you’re surprised to see your aide face her back towards the door, she steps aside to let you walk in.

“I’ll be out here if you need anything, lest it escalates to that point,” She raises her eyebrows at you before looking away. That wasn’t a reassuring sign.

You brace yourself before going inside, but nothing seems to prepare you for who’s waiting.

“Hi, lovely.” Kwon Soonyoung smiles at you in a menacingly sweet kind of way, it makes your blood boil.

He’s dressed much nicer than you’re used to seeing him, he’s the type to wear baggy clothes that swallow him whole. In contrast, today he wears a crisp button-down with black slacks, his suit coat nowhere to be found. His signature designer sneakers are exchanged for loafers instead. There’s no logical reason why he could be here, considering his own busy schedule as a prince.

Soonyoung isn’t flying in for a private conversation just for the hell of it.

“Why are you here?” Your tone is resolute, not allowing for even an inch of resistance.

“That’s what we need to talk about. We’re getting married,” He lifts the corner of his mouth.

You let out a laugh that is nowhere near polite, in fact, you’re nearly cackling at the prospect of this idea. It’s simply so outlandish, so fantastical that every time you look at his face it seems more unfathomable.

Most princesses knew to let each other know that if they were charmed by him, Soonyoung was ultimately not marriage material. If anything, he was determined to make himself the least suitable husband possible.

He was the typical sweet boy turned party animal, spending most nights abroad drinking his days away with a new girl in his bed every night. He does show up to the occasional political obligation, but only when his team forces him to. That’s one reason why he bothers you so much, he has such little duty to his native country of Aranorin and the people in it that everyone else has to make him care about it.

“You’re joking, there’s no fucking way,” Your body vibrates from laughter, but you slowly come to your senses once you see he’s not cracking another joke.

“I’m not joking, I’m here to start our courtship.” His serious tone makes you start to consider the gravity of the situation.

“Hold on, so you think you can just come into Maritria, coming from god knows where,” You make a broad gesture toward him before continuing, “to formally start our relationship. That’s what you’re saying,” You cross your arms, returning to your originally defensive stance.

“Yes, this isn’t just coming out of thin air. This has been in the works for a few months now,” He raises his eyebrows to punctuate the timeline. It just makes you even more confused. Why wouldn’t anyone tell you about this?

“What do you mean?” You question.

He braces himself one last time. “I’ve been speaking to the king and queen about arranging our marriage for two months,” You almost think his face goes slightly sympathetic at his admission, but that’s wishful thinking.

Regardless, it’s a blow to your ego.

How could they not tell you? How could they so easily shift the responsibility onto him without saying a word?

It would be one thing if they were still considering other men, but to know the talks were final, that Kwon Soonyoung was your future husband whether you liked it or not, was a devastating realization.

“This is unbelievable.” You let out a shaky whisper, you’re so rattled that you force yourself to sit down and close your eyes, willing yourself to take a deep breath.

You open your eyes to see him hovering near you, clearly a stifled attempt to try and comfort you. Yet, he’s the least comforting person you’ve ever known.

“I don’t want to do this either. You’re definitely not my first choice for a wife.” He scoffs at the possibility that he could ever choose you without incentive.

“Yeah, clearly. You’d rather want a girl who would kiss your ass every day instead of being honest with you.” You retort.

The gossip that flitted between young royals all but confirmed your suspicion that he dumped any girl that tried to make a long-term connection with him. It was fine if he didn’t want to get married. Not all royals are meant for it, and he didn’t have as much pressure to marry off as the youngest child. He could get away with being a lifetime bachelor, but choosing that lifestyle wasn’t worth hurting other people in the process.

“Aw, is lifetime celibacy boring you that much to the point where you’re worried about the girls I sleep with?” He cracks a smile that you match with a forced laugh.

“No, I just think you dump them as soon as they realize how small your dick is.” You smile through your response, causing him to form his arms together.

“You’re so lucky now that we’re together, you can finally stop waiting for those nice guys who don’t have a personality to sweep you up,” His condescending tone makes you frustrated but not deterred from bantering completely.

“So I can end up dating one of your dickhead friends instead? Absolutely not,” You shake your head knowing how insufferable most of his friends are. Soonyoung just happened to be the worst of them.

“All jokes aside, I know you’re perfectly aware of why we’re getting married. I don’t have to look at the news to know things are bleak,” His straightforward approach forces you to swallow the lump in your throat.

You knew the country’s finances were not great.

You didn’t want or need to see the exact numbers, especially if it makes your day-to-day duties labored with worry. Although many political teams insist that princesses have no business in the logistical affairs of running a country, it meant everything to you to know how your country was faring in the world. Maritria already maintained a longstanding connection with Aranorin that gave your country some freedom to pursue other lucrative opportunities, but it dawned on you that it wasn’t enough.

“I’m doing this for my country, not out of some pathetic excuse you may have to avoid self-reflection. You can just get married to me and stop pretending to be a good person, right?” You ask bitingly.

“We both know I stopped pretending a long time ago. Marrying the nation’s sweetheart is just a bonus,” He smirks unapologetically, you don’t like the way the nickname sits on his tongue as if it’s his own.

“Is there anything else you want? I need to get back to work,” You stand up from your seat, trying not to look back at the door while you plot your escape. It was hard enough not to completely explode at him, and you needed to redirect your energy elsewhere.

“There is, I got you something,” He retrieves a small velvet box from his pocket. “It’s not an engagement ring, but just consider it a courtship gift.”

You open the box and lightly examine the ring. You know it’s far too expensive than most of the jewelry you’ve ever worn. Your family was wealthy, but Soonyoung’s family had the kind of money that you didn’t need to plan so carefully around. However, you don’t want to seem so easily impressed.

“It’s fine. When are you planning on proposing?” You brush him off easily.

“That ruins the surprise.” He smiles at you yet your face remains stoic.

“I’ll get your number from someone else, I don’t want to drag this out anymore.” You stuff the box in your dress pocket and start to make your way toward the exit.

“It’s been horrible to see you again, Your Royal Highness.” His stiffly formal greeting makes you turn around to face him.

You squint your eyes. “Don’t do that.”

“What?”

“The Royal Highness thing,” You point at yourself before continuing, “I’m not gonna say Your Royal Highness every time we’re in private. Don’t start giving a shit now.”

“Fine. Bye, darling.” He quips.

Your face contorts into disgust before you can stop yourself. “You’re not gonna make that my mandated wife nickname.”

“You don’t get to choose the nickname I give you, honey.” He approaches you and pinches your cheek before speaking, “Besides, it’ll be fun to try to figure out how to mask my hate for you in public.”

You cringe at his touches, but you straighten up immediately.

“Likewise,” You offer a tight-lipped smile before finally leaving the room.

You close the door behind you and take the breath you didn’t know you were holding in.

“Can you clear my schedule for the rest of the day? I need time to deal with this,” You finally look at your aide with an expectant glance.

“Yes, of course, princess.” She immediately grabs her phone to send notices to those involved. You can’t even remember who you were meant to see for the rest of the day. Your mind simply wanders to your parents, the next targets of your rage.

“I’m gonna go home. I don’t want to see anyone unless it’s my parents. Or him, not that I want him around anyways,” You roll your eyes at the thought of having to voluntarily communicate with him on a regular basis.

“Sounds good. I have his phone number, if you’d like it.” She offers.

“Ok,” You agree and quickly input his phone number. As you type in a contact name, you’re not sure what to call him.

Soonyoung is far too casual, it doesn’t feel comfortable yet. You’re absolutely not calling him by his title, not by a long shot.

The romantic pet names similar to the ones he used with you were not earned, so it left you stumped.

You settle on “headache,” because the ache in your temple is still there, bothering you immensely and now he’s adding to it.

You’re just lucky that you didn’t end up shouting at each other this time.

—

As if they could read your mind, your parents call you in for an emergency meeting before you can make it home. That pent-up rage is starting to make its way out before you even see them, it shows in the way you stomp to your father’s main office, marching far ahead of your aide.

You open the door without knocking, a major sign that you’re not looking forward to the discussion.

Your father gives you a warning look, but you’re not bothered by it. The staff turns their attention toward your bold entrance, immediately preparing themselves to leave.

Your father is sitting in his velvet study chair, poised as always. Your mother stands behind your father, idly leaning her weight against the back wall.

Her demeanor is not as composed, as if she knows you’re about to raise hell.

“We’d like a private meeting, thank you,” He gives a pained smile to the staff and they all file out silently. You watch them with a fiery gaze, waiting for the last person to close the door behind you.

When the door finally shuts, you whip your gaze to face them again.

“Soonyoung? Are you kidding me?” You exclaim.

“Y/N, please,” Your mother tries to intercept, but you’re faster than that.

“Actually, I’d like to know exactly why I was left out of the conversation about me having an arranged marriage, to begin with,” You cross your arms and lean back in your chair, preparing yourself for a bullshit excuse.

“Well, we were anticipating this kind of reaction,” he gestures at you in disapproval, “you weren’t meant to be involved in these discussions in the first place.” He speaks to you so patronizingly that it almost catches you off guard.

“So you can just decide that I’m getting married on a whim, just like that.” You snap your fingers impatiently.

“You know how the country is currently faring, you knew marriage could possibly be an option for financial security almost a year ago. Please don’t act like this is some affront to you,” Your father slowly raises his voice, fists slowly clenching as he elaborates.

“Yes, but you didn’t tell me things were this bad. You didn’t tell me that you had tried everything else. Hell, you didn’t even tell me that you were starting discussions about marriage!” You were trying your best to keep your voice even, but the defeat was starting to show through.

“We ultimately thought leaving you in the dark was best, but we miscalculated.” Your mother tries to cover for your father’s stern approach. You scoff, turning away for a moment before continuing.

Miscalculated is an understatement. You were devastated.

Your father seems to be annoyed that you were showing this much emotion while your mother seems ashamed that the situation has escalated this far. Their conflicting expressions just made you feel even worse, knowing that they couldn’t act as a united front. You wished that it was either complete anger or support from both of them.

“Soonyoung. You can’t possibly tell me he was the only option,” You turn back to them with glossy eyes.

“Sweetheart, you know Arinorin is one of our most important allies. Soonyoung would have always been an option. Even if there were better options, we couldn’t ignore him.” Her comforting tone does little to comfort you at the moment.

A tear finally falls onto your cheek. Her words hurt because she was right. Even if there was a perfect prince waiting for you out there, he wasn’t the prince of Arinorin.

“He hates me, you don’t see how much he hates me.” You shake your head and cover your face with your hands. You’re fully sobbing into your hands and it leaves your parents speechless. You know they’re looking at you with full judgment, but it didn’t matter.

“You’re giving your only daughter away to a man who despises her.” You seethe through your tears.

“He hasn’t given us any reason not to trust him.” Your father speaks up again and it breaks you down even further. He has that immovable stare on his face that signals his word is final.

You compose yourself before speaking again.

“When we get a divorce, it’ll be your fault.” You lift your hand to your cheeks, wiping away any stray tears left on your face.

“You’re being ridiculous, you’re saying that you won’t even try for your country?” Your father shifts in his seat, it seems like he wants to jump up and fully lecture you but it won’t happen.

You finally snap. “I have tried for this country! Every day, I have shown both of you what I’m capable of as a future queen, not asking you for anything. Now, the one part of my life where I should have control, choosing the person I’m married to, I have none.” By the time you finish speaking, your tears are gone by sheer will. Your eyes burn with the familiar sting of fatigue mixed with anger bubbling over the surface.

“I’m sorry, dear.” You see your mother wipe a tear of her own. You were grateful that she saw through you, at least at this moment. It was a quiet show of support that you needed amongst all these difficult feelings.

You put your head in your hands for a moment before looking up at them. “I’m going home and someone will send me the things I need to wrap my head around this entire situation.” Your tone is far more measured compared to before.

Before you can hurt your own feelings by hearing them out, you decide to make your exit. You’re nearly out of the door before you turn around again, letting go of the doorknob.

“I’ll always remember that he told me first instead of you.” With that, you leave without looking back at their expressions.

Hopefully, it’ll hurt like hell for them to hear it.

You ignore the staff members that were peering near the door, eagerly waiting to see who would break first. You’re sure that it looks dramatic, but you were far too concerned with your own feelings before anyone else’s.

—

Once you made it home, you were attempting to forget the stress of the day and it was going relatively well. You were able to catch up on a TV show you’d been forgetting to watch, and finally remembering to do self-care tasks that were left unattended due to your work.

Now, you’re taking a bubble bath with no intention of opening your eyes anytime soon. You needed to just sit, you didn’t have much time to do that most days.

The water is still fairly hot, enough to where you can sink down and continue to salvage any remaining calmness you might’ve had left.

Thus, your vibrating phone didn’t exactly make you feel at ease. You hope that it wasn’t one of your parents, considering your conversation didn’t have a clean finish. Any of their apologies would be falling on stubborn ears.

You glance at your lock screen and if anything, it’s worse.

It’s him. You pick up the phone with an anxious hand and press the accept button.

“What do you want?” You snap at him.

“You actually picked up!” He notes with a hint of surprise.

“Trust me, I didn’t want to.” You shift uncomfortably in the bathtub, the sloshing water calling you out immediately.

“Is that water? What are you doing?” His curious nature already annoys you, so it’ll be easier to dodge the question.

“None of your business.” Your free hand cups the remaining bubbles in the bath.

“Oh my god, is the princess naked on the phone with me?” He sounds far too pleased with himself. You can practically hear his shit-eating grin in the way he replies.

“You’re a horny little freak who hasn’t told me why he’s called yet.” You force yourself to sit up now that the relaxation in your body is quickly dissipating.

“Right. We’re doing intimacy coordination tomorrow. I figured you didn’t look at that schedule they gave you.”

“Shit.” You sigh just out of earshot.

Intimacy coordination isn’t common at all with arranged royal marriages. If a couple looked like they had never met before in their life, it was typically on them for not being more convincing. Yet, the number of public events you two have to be involved in over the foreseeable future warranted different circumstances. If you couldn’t look head over heels for each other at the wedding, it was going to spell trouble for both countries.

“I’m only in town until tomorrow night, so I don’t have to look at your face for much longer than that,” You sigh at his response, knowing that he’s not one to hold back with you.

“I wish you could leave sooner, maybe I could actually enjoy not seeing you even more than I already do.” You reach to open the drain.

“Just practicing my future husband duties by stressing you out, love,” You can practically hear his smile through the phone.

“That one isn’t bad, actually,” Your thoughts trail off once you hear it, but he brings you back to reality almost immediately.

“So that’s definitely not what I’m gonna call you.”

“I’m hanging up.” Your waning patience with him has officially run out and you’re itching to move on with your night.

“Bye, honey!” He’s laughing uncontrollably through the response and it makes your blood boil. It’s clear that this is already a joke to him.

“Fuck off,” You hang up before you have to listen to his laughter any longer. You put your head in your hands and let out a muffled scream.

He already wanted to make this courtship as excruciating as possible.

You finally stand up from the bath and wrap a warm towel around your body, staring at your reflection in the mirror.

Luckily, your parents did listen to your request and a massive document of schedules and timelines of your relationship with Soonyoung appeared in your email inbox.

You had only skimmed the schedule before Soonyoung called you, you stopped looking at it before it stressed you out beyond repair.

According to the timeline your parents created in accordance with his team, you were supposed to have been dating for 11 months at this point.

You can’t possibly imagine putting up a front for 11 months, but then again, you would have to pretend for the rest of your life.

That thought haunts you through the rest of your night routine.

How do you carve your life around Soonyoung when he’s creeping his way into everything?

How do you find peace when you’re with someone who’s determined to misunderstand you?

These questions have you wiping your tears as you attempt to fall asleep that night.

—

To your dismay, the intimacy training was first thing in the morning.

You were barely conscious, but somehow you arrived early with a slightly cloudy mentality and an overall dread for the next 2 hours.

You were the first of the three, besides your personal staff members, to arrive at the dance studio. You figured the space was far too big for what you were working through today, but you forego criticism to admire the room.

Admittedly, you didn’t go into many of the creative spaces throughout the palace because you weren’t a creative type. The arts were simply something you admired from afar, you didn’t have the talent even as a child to pursue these things seriously.

This apparently needed to be remedied as you notice the sweeping mirrors around the perimeter of the room. The hardwood floors were practically shining underneath your feet. You’re sure that whoever used the room was sure to enjoy themselves.

You’re admiring yourself in the mirror when you catch Soonyoung entering the room. He quietly greets the staff, giving short bows to everyone in sight.

It’s the only time you’ve seen him act with a royal demeanor, even in his casual workout clothes it’s a bit surprising to see him this way.

He makes his way over to you with a smile on his face.

“You’re early.” He eyes you up and down.

“Unfortunately, yes. You look.. comfortable.” You don’t mean to raise your voice up another octave, but you were just barely attempting niceties.

“So do you, you actually don’t look like you're trying too hard for once.” He leans against the mirror and gives you another judgmental look.

“It’s far too early in the morning to play this game, Kwon Soonyoung. Don’t get your feelings hurt.” You close your eyes before you get too angry, a slight change of pace from your typical interactions with him.

“It’s fine. I’m sure you’ll be more awkward considering you’ve only had two boyfriends, one who looked like he was your son.” He stifled a giggle.

“Chan was so sweet.” You pouted at the thought of your teenage boyfriend. He really was kind, probably the perfect first boyfriend that you could ask for. You remember how much he cried when you broke up with him. You just weren’t the same person you were when you started dating him at 16, so you needed the space to grow apart.

Unfortunately, Soonyoung was right about the mom thing.

“It’s not my fault I had a growth spurt and the stylists kept dressing me like a divorce lawyer.” You insisted.

You recalled how harsh the style blogs were on you back then, many claimed that you’d never find your own personal style as long as other people kept dressing you older than you actually were. Unfortunately, they were also right. You live and learn though.

However, you didn’t even want to think about your second boyfriend.

“I’m just saying good chemistry doesn’t come naturally to all of us, it’s okay to ask for help.” His faux concern was especially irritating.

You weren’t that awkward with men, were you?

You didn’t have much time to consider an answer before a young woman walked into the studio.

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you both! My name is Elise and I’ll be leading you both through training today.” She offers her hand out to you for a handshake and you accept with a smile. She does the same to Soonyoung and moves toward the mirror.

“So, how long have you known each other?” She dives right into discussions with the question.

“Around 15 years or so?” The number that came out of your mouth was definitely a rough estimate, but it sounded about right.

You vaguely remember being introduced to Soonyoung and his older siblings at a fancy state dinner as a child. He was far less mischievous then, a bit timid around everyone except his family. Since then, you’ve ran into each other regularly due to the relationship between your parents. They were far closer to each other than you were with him and his siblings, so the situation feels a bit ironic now.

“Okay, but I’m assuming you haven’t been in contact very often?” She clarifies.

“Not at all.” He chimes in.

“Right, so we’ve got our work cut out for us then. Today isn’t gonna be too complicated, you’re just gonna be trying some physical activities to see how natural that looks.” Elise smiles in order to lighten the mood, but you’re certain it won’t work out.

“So, what are we gonna practice, hugging?” He scoffs, and you’re certain that he thinks this is all bullshit. You weren’t happy about it either, but keeping up appearances was the most important part of this.

“Yes, I know that sounds weird, but I promise it’ll pay off,” Elise continues to offer reassuring statements, but he’s not convinced and frankly, neither are you. You exchange a glance with him and decide to take the lead as the awkwardness continues to sit in the air.

“So where should we start?” You ask out of a mix of curiosity and dread.

“Let’s just have you both hold hands.”

Soonyoung extends a hand out to you with a smirk on his face. You’d rather slap him, but you’d think it would leave Elise traumatized.

You take his hand a bit too forcefully and adjust yourself within his hold. By glancing at the two of you in the mirror, you notice two things.

First, his hands are warm, a bit too warm for this moment.

Secondly, his thumb is absentmindedly brushing against the back of your hand. You can’t call attention to it or else it’ll stop, and you decide in the moment that it’s too relaxing. He probably doesn’t even notice that he’s doing something so romantic, that little bastard.

“Okay, so how does that feel?” Elise asks.

“Fine.” The reply forces itself out of your mouth.

“It’s fine.” He agrees with a nod of his head. He also peers at the both of you in the mirror with a slight curiosity, his head tilting slightly.

“We do look good together, though.” He murmurs to himself. You’re not sure if it’s the arrogance peeking through and he only believes you look good while he’s with you, but maybe for a second, you can see what he’s talking about.

“Good, and what’s a small physical gesture you can do to make each other feel at ease?” Elise’s question causes you to look up at him.

This feels unnecessary since Soonyoung is not a nervous person. No matter what, his particularly frustrating charm and gregarious personality never allow any anxiety to show to others.

“I can just do this.” He calls attention to the thumb thing and that puts you on the spot.

He seems incapable of needing comfort. It’s one of the things that keeps a silent distance between the two of you. You believe that he remains emotionally stunted in order to navigate his world a bit easier.

He can let the girls who want something more from him down easy, and they don’t realize how bad it really felt to be pushed away until they never see him again.

You didn’t want to end up in that position.

“I don’t know.” You let your mind wander for a moment.

Yet, he was bold. He was always decisive in what he wanted, never caring about what his actions made him look like if it was for better or worse.

You figured that you should be bold too.

You intertwine your fingers deeper into his grasp and pull his hand to your lips, leaving a small peck on the back of his hand.

His eyes widened immediately. “That’s quite forward, princess.”

“I needed to one-up you,” You answer nonchalantly, but you don’t miss the slight spark in his eyes. It was unexpected, and you were always going by the book.

Elise ignores your conversation and continues her questioning. “So I assume you both will be interested in PDA?”

“To a certain extent, I don't see why not.” You pull back slightly into your reserved nature, but he runs with it.

“Yes, we’re supposed to be a more open and progressive couple to represent a new generation of royals, so it would be nice to be a bit bolder,” He nods decisively along with his response.

You didn’t really think about the relationship like that until he mentioned it. While you were attuned to a certain sense of responsibility as the singular face of your country’s new generation of leadership, it was known that you fought back against regressive norms brought up in your daily work.

Why not lean into something new when the image of your respective countries so desperately needed a refresh?

“That’s good to know. I know you both have different styles, but I think there are ways we can meet in the middle here.” Elise notes.

That statement proves to be true for the rest of your session. Elise leads you both through hugging and slightly provocative gestures that make you want to crawl out of your skin, but you both fumble your way through it.

Soonyoung seems insistent on embarrassing you with more revealing gestures while yours are relatively contained. He’s being a bit too playful for your liking, but it helps you understand his personality a bit more.

You decide that you want a moment to speak with him before he flies back home later that evening, excusing Elise and the remaining staff to leave you both in the studio.

“When do we see each other again?” You ask.

“You’re a bit too eager, aren’t you darling?” He smirks at you, and you lose the slight bit of faith you had instilled in him before.

“Shut up, I’m just trying to remember this stupid schedule.” You grumble. You resort to pulling out your phone instead, quickly finding the most up-to-date iteration of the relationship timeline in your email inbox.

“I’ll be in Arinorin in a few weeks to meet your parents,” Your brain works through the schedule quickly, scanning the information fast enough to say it out loud.

“Oh shit.” He mutters under his breath.

Oh shit was right. You haven’t had a proper conversation with the king and queen since you were a teenager. It was typical family friend fare, asking how your studies were going, if your hobbies were still things you enjoyed and a faint interest in any other topics that you happened to bring up.

Since then, there were only brief interactions in passing that were fairly positive. They must’ve thought quite well of you if they agreed to have their youngest son marry you, but that was something you’d have to inquire about with them.

“And to go on a date with you,” You mumbled.

That’s what really rattled you. It wouldn’t be real until no one else was around to direct and stage your romance, it was up to the both of you to make it happen.

“Right, I’ll get to choose what we get up to.” You can tell that his brain is creating a vision that will be less than satisfactory, and you can’t fight the urge to attempt to gain control.

“We aren’t going on your yacht, are we? I think you’ve broken enough hearts there.” You tease him.

“Very funny, and no, we’re not going on the boat… anymore.” He admits with an eye roll.

“See! I knew you were gonna take me there!” You interject, letting out the laugh that had been sitting in your chest for a minute or so.

“I’m never anybody’s boyfriend, cut me some slack,” He says it as if it’d get him off the hook for being mentally checked out during this process.

That much was obvious from the lack of planning, but you’d have to give him some space to try and impress you.

“Yeah, that’s pretty clear. I know long-term planning isn’t your strength.” You bite back and he brushes it off easily.

“Get all your jokes out now, but I’m gonna impress you. Mark my words,” He points at you while heading towards the door.

“We’ll see about that, loverboy,” You check your phone absentmindedly while he sees himself out.

“Is that my nickname?” He pokes his head back into the door with an excited tone.

“Bye, Soonyoung,” You grit your teeth into a smile and watch him reluctantly leave the room.

You can only hope your future in-laws aren’t as insufferable as him.

—

A few weeks later, the trip to Arinorin has arrived and all of its possible consequences are driving you up a wall. The culmination of meeting with your future in-laws, the date with Soonyoung, and the idea of being perceived as his partner outside of your home country are all slightly nauseating.

At first, it was just fun and games, but now, as the plane lands, the tension settles beneath your skin. Soonyoung was supposed to be picking you up, but you didn’t have much faith in that happening.

You barely remembered to grab the ring he gifted you so you could wear it while you were in town, simply as a reminder that this was all happening.

You exit the plane with your luggage in tow, only for Soonyoung to be waiting on the tarmac. He’s accompanied by a large black SUV that is clearly not his personal car, but his stance is trying to convince you that it is.

“Hi, princess.” He calls out with a wave of his hand.

“When are you gonna actually call me by my name?” You approach him with squinted eyes, your vision steadily adjusting to the early afternoon sun.

“When this feels less awkward, so give or take a few years,” He jokes.

“Not funny,” You gesture to him to take your luggage, and he catches the hint once you look at him again. You don’t want to shoulder smaller tasks onto his staff, you wanted to see how he would handle these things instead.

“How was the flight?” He calls out to you again, you hear the trunk slam shut and he comes into view again to anticipate your answer.

“It was alright, I’m just tired.” You rub at your temples to punctuate the feeling.

“Hopefully your room will be good enough,” He sounds somewhat considerate while opening the door for you. It feels wrong.

You slide into the back row with him following behind you. He shuts the door and his driver promptly begins the drive to the palace.

“Are you nervous about the trip? My parents aren’t exactly as kind as yours,” Soonyoung chuckles.

You let out a deep sigh. You wouldn’t call them kind considering the circumstances, in fact, you’re barely on speaking terms with them outside of public obligations.

Was it petty? Yes.

Was it also justified? Yes.

You figured that icing them out for a while would help them come to their senses. If worst comes to worst, maybe it could help you gain further control over the wedding.

Nevertheless, you were still upset with them.

“They’re really not that great, and I’d say that I’m pretty good with parents,” You avoid his glance to look out the window instead, taking in the sights of the country.

You don’t have many memories of Arinorin. Many of them were informed by meetings that you couldn’t even remember anymore.

“You’re right. The nation’s sweetheart can charm anyone. Plus it’ll give me time to think about what we’re gonna do on the date,” He affirms with a nod of his head.

“God, don’t remind me. If I’m lucky, we’ll be meeting at a strip club.” You roll your eyes.

“You really have no faith in me!” He pouts. You don’t give into him though.

“It's hard enough just being in a car with you.”

—

Soonyoung doesn’t ever have to think about first dates.

In fact, he doesn’t think he’s been on a proper first date since he was a teenager. Even then, it was low stakes. He could just pick something random for him and another girl to do, and it would be completely inconsequential to his life.

Now, impressing his future wife with an incredible first date feels monumental. He barely knew anything about you besides that goody two shoes personality of yours. It seemed like everyone was suddenly obsessed with you and he was the last to know.

He decides that a midday picnic is inoffensive enough for the both of you to enjoy. If either of you were miserable with each other, there would at least be good food to distract from it. The sunny weather was already on his side, now he just had to charm you.

You waved slightly as you approached his picnic blanket, stopping before your feet could cover the edge of the blanket.

“Wow, this is a lot,” Your eyes landed on the assortment of food spread across the blanket. There was a spread of fruit, snacks, and sandwiches for the two of you to eat together. Soonyoung knew he didn’t completely fuck up by the way you nodded, but you weren’t exactly jumping to praise him in general.

“I don’t get a hello?” He attempts a greeting but it falls flat.

You roll your eyes. “Hi, Soonyoung,” You state halfheartedly, crossing your arms in protest.

“Hi. Does the food look alright?” He takes off his sunglasses and fixes his gaze on you.

“Yeah, I figured you’d be inept at setting up a date, so it’s surpassed my expectations already,” You give him a tight-lipped smile before sitting on the blanket. He attempts to ignore the way your dress hikes up slightly to expose your thigh. The sundress that you’re wearing seems to expose every detail of your body that he’s neglected to look at, but he snaps back into focus when he hears you clear your throat.

Once you both start eating, it’s clear how little you have in common with each other. Sure, he figured it’d be a little difficult to get to know you, but the lingering silence doesn’t exactly make him eager to strike up a conversation.

“How do you feel about all this?” You ask suddenly. It catches him so off guard that he chokes on the piece of fruit he was chewing.

He coughs, raising the attention of the nearby guards. You turn to them, giving a signal that he’s okay before turning around. “Damn, I didn’t think the question was that bad,” You laugh sadly.

“No, it’s fine. I just didn’t expect it.” He waves off any suspicion.

He takes a deep breath. “I mean, I’m not thrilled. I know the economic aspect of this is the most important thing, but my parents are practically dying to marry me off,” He reaches for a bottle of wine, grabbing a nearby glass before pouring himself something to drink.

“So I’m not the first?” You ask.

“Absolutely not,” He snickers. This relationship would mark the 5th time his parents have tried to set him up with a fellow royal. He has managed to sabotage all previous attempts on account of pissing his parents off.

The girls they set him up with were nice enough, but he had no chemistry with any of them. He felt like sparing them from a relationship full of misery by ruining it before it even started.

“So your parents figured you wouldn’t want to escape a marriage instead of just dating?” You attempt to clarify.

“Bingo,” He sips his wine before handing you the bottle.

“So, does that mean you’re gonna try to escape this?” You accept it and pour yourself a fuller glass, immediately taking a sip after asking the question.

“I think you’d be pretty fucked if I tried to do that. I’m not that much of an asshole,” He shakes his head and laughs it off. Since being hated by his parents was bad enough, Soonyoung didn’t want to become the center of an emerging geopolitical crisis.

It would fuck everyone over, especially you. He could at least admit to himself that you didn’t deserve that.

“That’s nice, I guess,” You smile halfheartedly at him.

“Don’t say I never did anything for you.” He speaks in an unusually flat tone before turning away to face the view of sprawling hills and seemingly endless mountaintops. The sight of the burgeoning nature surrounding the houses below him brought a sense of peace.

Before you asked, he hadn't given the entire arranged marriage process much thought. Sure, he knew that you’d be getting married relatively soon, but he had no idea how to present himself as a good partner. He didn’t exactly know how to move forward knowing that everyone expected him to fail.

“You really are a dickhead,” You mumble.

“You’re not exactly sweet as pie either. Everyone loves you, but you’re fucking miserable to be around.” He responds in a piercing tone.

“Well, if you get to be a cunt, then so should I. It’s not like I’m getting anything out of this,” You shoot back.

You were definitely worse off as an only child. Sure, he was the black sheep of the family, but he could get away with plenty of things as the youngest. His siblings were off impressing the world by ruling the country, getting PhDs, having a shit ton of kids, and generally being upstanding citizens.

However, it didn’t make sense for him to try that hard.

“Your country’s finances won’t go to shit, isn’t that enough?”

His question seems to bring out another layer of frustration for you. “No, I want a husband who gives two shits about me past my bra size, but apparently that’s wishful thinking,” You angrily bite into a strawberry and turn away from him.

“Look, we don’t have to do anything except pretend that we’re in love. So, let’s not do anything past that. Alright?” He proposes. Your face is unreadable, but the way you chew on the inside of your lip shows that he’d never get to know what’s eating away at you.

“Alright,” Your body language seems to retreat completely.

The mood of the date is different after that, and his request seems to render you both silent as you eat the rest of the food without interacting. The view of the countryside makes him wish that he didn’t have to deal with any of this, just live in a tiny house where no one had to remind him about his impending marriage.

—

The entire day leading up to the Youth Summit Ball left you feeling incredibly rattled.

You know the staff is perfectly capable of executing your vision for the ball as they've done year after year. It was one of your signature events as a royal, and its annual presence in Maritria brought much-needed attention to the country with the presence of young royals and its ever-popular red carpet.

Tonight, however, would be the first time Soonyoung is escorting you as a “longtime” boyfriend in public. You’ve been seen together in public, yes, but this is a public declaration that you are hypothetically in love with him. As a co-chair of the event, nothing could go wrong since many of your peers would be attending with their families.

Nothing could go wrong, thus you needed him to know the extent of your anxiety.

You heard a knock on the door, and you’re accepting them inside without a second thought.

“You wanted to see me?” He asks as he steps inside the dressing room.

You’re thrown by how handsome he looks. You argued with each other over text about what he should wear, he insisted that it didn’t matter. Yet, your color palettes were not to be betrayed. You internally thank yourself for persisting with a navy suit. It contrasted well with his platinum-blonde hair that seemed to attract as many eyes as possible while you were out in public together.

“Yes, I did. You need to behave tonight, I’m not risking anything because you want to get your dick wet,” You scoff.

“Trust me, I already got this little lecture from your mother. I’ll be fine.” He smirks at you, not doing much to quiet the anxiety that was starting to build in your stomach.

“Well, your girlfriend is telling you herself that I’m serious about this,” Your hands automatically move up to his shoulders, smoothing out the nonexistent creases on his jacket. It was still weird to call yourself his girlfriend, the word felt too stiff coming from your mouth.

“And I’m reluctantly listening,” He moves his hand to your bare shoulder, brushing something off with a few light sweeps. You opted to wear a black form fitting gown, the design was relatively simple but it was still eye-catching. You thought you noticed Soonyoung taking glances at you.

“Do you remember everything I told you about tonight?” You remind him.

“Why wouldn’t I remember, Y/N?” He gives you that “are you serious” kind of look and you’re starting to buckle under the pressure.

“I don’t know, maybe you’re nervous or something,” You turn away from him, peering into the mirror to check if there are any flaws with your makeup.

“I don’t get nervous about stuff like this. Are you nervous?” You see him approaching, but you put your focus immediately back on your face.

“What? No, stop, I’m fine,” You purse your lips to check your lipstick. He mimics you, pushing his lips out like a duck and it startles you.

“Those cheeks of yours are telling me otherwise,” He rubs a finger on your cheek and you slap it away almost immediately.

“Stop, Soonyoung, I’m serious. Let’s just get through the night.” You shoot him a warning look and he puts his hands up defensively.

“Okay, no funny business. I promise,” He smiles. It’s not enough to convince you, but your mind is too focused on creating a good outcome for the night that it’s fruitless trying to argue with him any further.

“Ready for a good time?” He offers his hand out to you, and you reluctantly accept it.

“It sounds bad when you say it.”

—

“You know, she said we should kiss just once to see what it’s like,” His voice was slightly slurred as if the alcohol was slowly taking possession of his words.

“You’re just tipsy,” You throw your purse across the living room and fumble to lock the door shut.

“No, you are, I saw you sneak two shots out of the kitchen,” He points with a shocked smile, “plus a few glasses of chardonnay. You’re not fooling me, princess.”

He was probably right, but that didn’t make it any better. “God forbid that I wanna drink at my own event. Why are you at my place right now?” You’re irritated at his presence almost constantly.

“You wanted me to do everything for you, remember? So you could just hop into bed with no worries,” He waves his arm into the air.

The event went well, accounting for your drunkenness and Soonyoung’s unpredictable nature.

“What are you waiting for then? Take my shoes off,” You flail your arms helplessly, your body is slowly slumping forward but Soonyoung catches you before you stumble.

“Okay, let's sit down, miss bossy. You’re ordering me around when I was a perfect boyfriend tonight,” He guides you to your couch, slowly easing you down onto the seat when you let out an audible sigh of relief.

“You were an average boyfriend who didn’t look stupid in front of paparazzi. Don’t feel too proud of yourself.” Your tolerance for his shenanigans was lower than usual now that you were drunk, and you didn’t feel bad about fighting back at him.

“All of this is extra credit,” He tries to reason himself out of the bare minimum.

“Taking care of me is not extra credit, it’s the standard. You’re supposed to be taking care of me for the rest of my life, not just right now. Idiot,” You roll your eyes and close them briefly before his voice forces you awake again.

“You’re so mean to me, your poor boyfriend is still learning what you like,” He finally takes off your heels and you let out a deep sigh of relief.

“Better?” He asks with a smile. You know that he wants to laugh at you so badly, but you’re too far gone to care.

“Much better,” You close your eyes for a moment before snapping again. “Take off my jewelry.”

He removes your earrings quite easily, but you still feel a bit flustered when he leans toward your ear to focus on undoing the clasps of your necklace.

He settles his face near your neck to fully remove your diamond necklace, he cradles it in his hand and you think you might go slightly insane. He places it on the coffee table gently and looks back at you with a smirk.

“What’s going on?” You pick up on his expression.

“Nothing, I’m gonna do your hair.” He turns your body so your back is facing him now. He’s sort of just feeling around for bobby pins, placing them down on the coffee table whenever he pulls another out. Once he takes out the decorative pins near the top of your head, your hair finally feels free.

“Soonyoung?” You ask suddenly.

“Hmm?” He’s organizing all the hairpins but takes a moment to look up at you.

“Do you think I’m pretty?” Your voice is a bit timid, nervous about how he might react. You would’ve contained yourself in any other circumstance, but now you just needed to head that you were worth complimenting.

“Where’s all this coming from, you’re just fishing for compliments now,” He shakes his head with a smile on his face.

“No, I’m not. It’s just-,” Your thoughts trail off, but Soonyoung catches your attention again with a gentle hand on your thigh. You don’t jump to move it away.

“Everybody was looking at us, but some people looked at us like I wasn’t meant to be with you. Is that true? Am I not pretty enough to be with you?” You feel increasingly insecure the more you elaborate. You didn’t think you’d feel this upset about it, but it meant your work was failing. You weren’t a believable couple and it was obvious to you now.

“Y/N, don’t say that. You’re beautiful,” His voice is noticeably softer.

“Not beautiful enough to sleep with. You wouldn’t sleep with me,” You rub your eyes with your hands and Soonyoung removes them from your face, laughing at the traces of makeup on the sides of your fingers. It seems like he still caught what you said though when he stops laughing.

“And that’s not the point. You’re just saying shit now, all of the guys in there would be lucky to even kiss you,” He insists. He stands up suddenly and walks toward your room. You assume he gets up to find makeup wipes, but you sit with his statement in the meantime.

You contemplate if you’d even want to kiss any of the royals who came to the party. You knew your standards were high and wondered if that would chase them off before they even had a chance to kiss you. He comes back and immediately wipes across your face the moment he sits down. His approach is slightly rough, but you couldn’t exactly get mad at him. He was just doing what you asked of him.

He’s analyzing if he got all of the makeup off when you speak up.

“But you’re not lucky?” You remark quietly.

That makes him clear his throat. You can even spot a hint of blush across his cheeks. It appears that you’ve riled him up slightly.

“I am lucky,” He lowers his head to rub the back of his neck with his hand, “You give me a run for my money.”

“Show me how lucky you are.” You continue to tempt him to see how he’ll react.

“I thought you wanted me to behave tonight?” He’s almost willing to act, but he still waits for your approval.

“I do, but she said we should kiss for practice,” You swallow lightly in anticipation. He rests his forehead against yours and you can hear his breath hitch in his throat.

You’ve been good, you’ve been so good all of your life. You don’t think you’ve done anything worth batting an eye at for your entire adolescence and young adulthood, but it was exhausting.

It was exhausting to be good, the voice of reason, the example of a perfect daughter to your country.

You weren’t in love with him, absolutely not.

Yet, the curiosity about what his lips tasted like made you want to be rebellious.

“I didn’t think you heard me.” He chuckled softly.

“I did,” You nodded your head against his. Soonyoung didn’t ask for permission to be bad, he just did it. That’s what runs through your brain when your lips meet his. Neither of you move for a moment and you’re afraid that you messed up.

That is until you feel Soonyoung’s hand cradling the back of your neck. He’s tilting into the kiss and you know he’s comfortable by the way his tongue slips into your mouth.

He tastes like tequila mostly, but there’s a hint of sweetness that you suspect comes from the dessert table at the party.

It feels so much better than you expected, now you know why girls couldn’t get enough of him. Even if it is just practice, he still took it far more seriously than you expected.

You haven’t had many kisses that were worth remembering, but this was something spectacular.

You know he’s kissed people far more times than you have, but there’s still a hesitant energy there that you can’t describe.

Did you make him nervous?

He pulls away first and it surprises you. He takes a deep breath and looks at you with tired eyes.

“Just a practice kiss, right?” He whispers.

“Just practice.” You affirm, pulling your head back. You’re not sure why it felt so disappointing to not have another kiss. You were sobering up which made the realization even worse.

“I’ll leave now before you kick me out.” He stands up from the couch and you don’t follow him. He makes it to the door and turns around.

“Don’t stay up all night reading thinking you can fight a hangover, go to bed.” He points at you with a teasing finger.

“Don’t lecture me, Kwon Soonyoung.” You stand up and walk toward your bedroom, ignoring whatever expression is on his face. You don’t look back until you hear the front door shut.

He didn’t say goodbye and that was probably for the best. You didn’t need any other memory from this part of the night to linger in your brain.

You rush back to the living room to lock the door again and sulk back to your bedroom. You eye the novel on your bedside table, you left it there earlier in the day to pick up whether you ended up drunk from the party or not.

Damn, he was good.

—

There were now multiple days, even weeks, between your shared schedules with him, and the more time that went by after the kiss only made you want to see him again.

Of course, he was friendly to you in public, and you were both able to handle public events with ease, but

the timing left you with many questions, and one stuck out in particular.

Why was he nervous to kiss you?

Today, he requested a private schedule for the two of you before he left Maritria early next week. There was a sneaking suspicion that it was the proposal since there wouldn’t be another reason for you to be alone.

He never wants to be left alone with you, it’s all about putting on an act for others that makes it so thrilling for him.

That’s what you try to tell yourself, at least.

“You’re here,” He eyes you carefully as you approach the entrance of the private garden. He’s surrounded by endless blooms, it’s almost suffocating how romantic it’s supposed to feel.

“I’m here because you want me here,” You offer quietly.

“Right, well I don’t want to waste any time. I’m sure my princess has lots of work to do today.”

On any other day, he’d be right, but the underlying suspicion of his true intentions made you want to linger.

He grabs your hand before you have another second to contemplate your feelings.

“I know that I’m not the person you wanted this to be from, but that’s how things have turned out. We both can’t get what we want, but I want to make this a good memory for us regardless of the situation.”

He gets down on one knee before asking. “So, Y/N, will you marry me?”

His hands held a small black velvet box and he quickly opened it to reveal a stunning oval shaped diamond ring. There are definitely more carats than you've ever seen on an engagement ring, and the gold band it sits upon feels equally regal.

It almost makes you sick from how ornate and gaudy it is, but it’s yours.

“You know this is the part where you say yes,” He clears his throat.

“Give me a second,” You mumble. You can’t see his glance, instead choosing to look at the ring. Everything else felt like a game before, but this was real.

He is proposing to you, offering a ring to you to signify a love that wasn’t actually real. That kind of sappy affectionate love you dreamed of would never come to fruition, possibly for the rest of your life.

It’s a realization that is entirely too bleak for the moment.

You’re meant to be happy, but if your parents were here they’d pick apart how long it took you to respond.

“Yes, I’ll marry you,” You force a smile onto your face to appease him. It doesn’t seem like he notices the pained expression within it, only offering a content sigh.

“Great.” He rises to his feet to place the ring on the appropriate finger. It feels like it’s all over now, you can imagine the rest of your future laid ahead of you on a set path.

The thought of taking constant publicity trips as a couple, having future heirs to the throne, and the idea of bringing him into Maritria’s lineage makes you wonder if you did everything you could to save yourself.

There is no out, just you, him, and the impenetrable distance between you both.

You wonder how a couple might build a life with an unstable foundation.

“Should we kiss?” His question brings you back to your senses.

“What?”

“For the camera, we should kiss.” He points to a photographer making themselves known from a nearby bush.

You swallow the lump in your throat and nod.

This is your duty, right?

You pull him close and kiss him, trying to ignite the small spark you felt when he was at your apartment.

Yet, the feeling doesn’t come and you pull away from him gently after a few moments.

“We just need some photos for social media and then you’re free to go.” The photographer reassures you with a kind tone.

You snap into professional mode in order to speed up the process. Your hand rests on his chest, angling it slightly to show off the ring. You force a smile, trying to indulge in the fantasy of it all. Once he gets a few shots of that pose, you turn back to look into Soonyoung’s eyes.

He was unfortunately quite handsome, it’s a shame that nothing else about him could make you happy.

“What are you thinking about?” His questioning pulls you out of your head once again, but you’re not sure what to tell him.

Being honest with him means making a sweet moment uncomfortable, and lying to him means letting your pain continue to simmer.

You go for the latter, to spare everyone a difficult moment. “Nothing. The ring is beautiful,” You shift the conversation with a quiet tone in order to deflect the topic off of you. He smiles widely, his face tells you that he didn’t expect you to like it one bit.

“I let my team take the reins with it since I don’t know you that well.” He responds so earnestly, and you’re not sure if he understands how hurtful that sounds.

You take it in stride though. “Well, it’s beautiful.”

He only nods and takes a moment to adjust his suit jacket.

You watch him brush over the fabric with his hands, wondering how in the world you ended up here. Even if things were different, fate would probably still bring you into Soonyoung’s orbit in another way.

Regardless, it’s enough to make you even more upset. Once the photographer is satisfied with the variety of shots, you’re about to leave when you feel Soonyoung’s hand touch your shoulder.

“Hey.” He turns your body to face him with his hand. You’re not sure how much longer you can stand in front of him without crying.

“We’re still on for this weekend, right?”

You can’t be bothered to remember what he means, but it’s best just to agree. It’s not like you had much of a choice.

“Yeah. I’ll see you then.” You nod at him before leaving. The moment you turn your back, you can’t hold back the stray tears falling onto your cheeks. You can only hope that he can’t hear your sniffling.

—

Now that the proposal news was officially out, your life had an even bigger microscope on it than usual. You’re used to being judged on a public scale, however, there were millions of people who were obsessed with Soonyoung that now wanted to know every single piece of information about his new fiancée.

Your Instagram posts and tweets had an influx of new activity that you could barely keep up with, and the new attention was starting to work into every corner of your life, even the time you spent with Soonyoung.

“Can you tell your fans to stop making video edits of me?” You stuff your phone into your jacket pocket in slight annoyance. You were genuinely trying to enjoy the private dates you had with Soonyoung, even if they were heavily guarded by staff. It was only right that you treated these outings as the dates they were, opportunities to get to know him better in order to connect with him that would hopefully prevent any issues further down the line.

Today, the location of the date was your choice and the staff had elected to leave you alone in light of the proposal news. Thus, you decide to take Soonyoung to a small beach on the outskirts of Maritria’s capital city. You’ve spent many days throughout your teenage years in your favorite spot, a cove in a hidden part of the beach. You figured that it’d be smart to let him in on a few things that you enjoyed, namely one of your most treasured spots in the country.

“That means they like you, and since when are you afraid of attention?” His interest is now piqued as he places his head in his hand to face you.

“Since always, I’m not exactly a Kwon Soonyoung-level attention whore,” You scoff.

“I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” He speaks in an exaggerated sad tone, accompanied by his pretending to cry. He turns his head to face you, sunglasses attempting to hide the goofiness peeking through.

“Still, I mean this is all a lot. I’m not exactly important enough to warrant 700,000 new followers.” You attempt to redirect the conversation.

As soon as the remark leaves your mouth, Soonyoung takes his sunglasses off. He looks at you with a confused glance, as if your self-deprecation was a personal attack on him.

“What are you talking about? You’re a princess and a genuinely nice one at that. That’s pretty hard to come by these days,” He compliments you. It pulls at your heartstrings very slightly, enough to absentmindedly check for a blush on your cheeks before snapping out of it.

“You wouldn’t know, you don’t see anything past the title before you sleep with these girls,” You attempt to defuse the response again, but he’s prepared.

“First of all, those days are behind me. I’m a proper engaged man now,” His thumb grazes your engagement ring and it sends a chill down your spine.

“And second, that statement is funny coming from someone who’s marrying me for financial stability,” He pokes your shoulder and you move to cover it.

“Correction, my country’s financial stability. You’ll have to get used to living here once we’re married,” You clarify.

“Who said we’re living in Maritria?” He argues instantly. You let out a sigh and try to understand the perspective he’s going to bring up.

“Soonyoung, wouldn’t it be smart to show how much the country’s condition would improve with you here?”

“Yes, but imagine being in Arinorin. The optics of giving you away to the country that saved yours seem pretty positive to me.” He suggests. While idealistic, the perspective is shortsighted. He didn’t necessarily have a shining future back in his home country considering his reputation and lack of communication with his parents.

“Even though you’ll never be king?” You didn’t mean for the question to sound so mean, but it’s true.

He was not the country’s future king, not unless there were dire circumstances that would force him into the position.

He scoffs. “Way to rub it in.” He looks into the distance, not acknowledging your glance anymore.

“I’m just saying. At least here, you’ll have the chance to have more of the public’s attention. There’s nothing to fight over, it’s just me,” You add sympathetically.

There’s a lingering silence that you don’t want to fill for the moment. You can tell he’s mulling over your words by the way he’s looking down at his hands, playing with his sunglasses idly.

“You know, you don’t have to stay there. Not to be that person, but if the idea of staying makes you feel worse, then what’s the point?” You soften your tone in an attempt to bring him back.

“You don’t know what it’s like,” He shakes his head resolutely. You feel your window of opportunity to try and comfort him closing rapidly.

“Ok, you’re right, but I’ve kept up with the news. I know a bit about how my future in-laws have treated you. You’ll be okay here,” You place a hand on his shoulder.

“I think they’ve wanted me to leave for a while, honestly. I’d go somewhere where they don’t have to think about me anymore.” He scratches the back of his neck before focusing on a small tidepool that sat directly below the both of you.

His statement is enough to now squeeze his shoulder, gently rubbing it to show your support.

“I’m sorry.” You offer quietly.

“It’s not your fault. I don’t think being a problem child fits me very well anymore.”

“You can reinvent yourself here if that sounds alright with you?” You offer and he laughs quietly.

He smirks. “I’ll think about it,” His slightly hopeful tone makes you feel at ease.

Any true affection toward him still feels too foreign, but verbal reassurance is a step you’re willing to take if it means your shared future is relatively peaceful.

—

The trips back and forth to each other’s countries were becoming a blur of wedding planning, being present at each other’s public engagements, and trying to get to know each other. It was becoming such a tedious process that any opportunity to rest was taken without hesitation.

The big plan for the current trip to Arinorin was to have a joint dinner with both of your immediate families.

You waited endlessly, but Soonyoung never showed up for dinner. It was embarrassing trying to subtly figure out where he was by going to the bathroom and frantically texting him. When that didn’t work, calls went unanswered until you were forced to give up and return to the table in defeat. He wasn’t answering and you were left to deal with two confused families on your own, attempting to answer questions that you had no answers to. Dinner eventually proceeded with an unyielding amount of attention on you, but thankfully, the rest of his family seemed to accept you.

Yet, it was ultimately embarrassing to attempt to cover his tracks and defend his actions throughout the night.

Thus, your post-dinner plans were to relax in your room and attempt to forget how wild the night had been. A knock on the door interrupted those plans almost immediately.

You open the door to see one of the guards that have been assigned to you since the arranged marriage proceedings had begun.

“Sorry to bother you, princess. I’ve just received word of a disturbance with the prince downstairs that needs your attention.” His tone was especially solemn, so you didn’t want to leave him waiting for long.

“Alright, I’ll be ready in a minute.” You nod at him and thank your lucky stars that you’ve already changed into more comfortable clothing.

With his assistance, you were soon traveling through the endless halls of the castle to find your fiancé. It wasn’t long before he came into view, sitting on a bench with his legs tucked up to his chest, arms wrapped around the front with his hands clasped tight. He was clearly drunk, sighing to himself before looking up.

“Y/N! Hi!” He exclaims, waving at you wildly.

“Fucking hell,” You exhale under your breath. You’re extremely grateful that he wasn’t out wandering the streets, clearly under careful watch by his guards.

“Can you give us a moment?” You look around at the surrounding guards. They nod curtly and dismiss themselves, retreating to a nearby room where they could still intervene quickly if needed.

You turn your attention back to him once the door closes. “Where were you?”

“I was out with Seungkwannie and, um, Seokmin. It was so much fun,” He laughed brightly, eyes almost disappearing from his smile.

“We were supposed to have dinner with our families. Remember?” You hold onto your curt tone.

He shakes his head immediately. “They didn’t wanna see me, they don’t care about me.”

You were starting to lose your patience. While you understood his hesitation to face his family, it wasn’t an excuse to leave you to navigate so many different dynamics on your own. This was supposed to show your families all of the efforts that had been made thus far, and there were plenty of efforts that were beginning to show naturally.

He had become more affectionate in public, it was less uncomfortable to smile at him and speak with each other kindly. It wasn’t real, obviously not, but unsuspecting eyes wouldn’t have known any better.

You were almost visibly in love.

“How about how I feel, Soonyoung? I had to deal with everyone alone, deal with everything by myself. That was so hard for me, but you just ignored it and got drunk.” Your voice was tight, barely allowing yourself to feel anything besides anger.

“I’m sorry,” He sighs before running through his hair. He’s affected by it, as his posture starts to wilt like a dying plant.

“You should be. That hurt my feelings a lot,” You felt the intended venom of your words dissipate on your tongue until nothing was left.

What was the point in yelling when he wouldn’t remember any of it anyways?

Honestly, you were disappointed in him. You had earnestly tried to connect with him, and it finally felt like he was trying to do the same thing. Yet, he let you down. You didn’t ask for much of him and adjusted your expectations for him at every step of the way, but he couldn’t do it.

He couldn’t be better for you.

“Was being selfish,” His pout seems to get deeper somehow.

“Yeah, you were,” You whisper. You finally take a seat next to him on the bench, taking a deep breath. The silence between the two of you almost felt labored, as if the air held all of the emotions you were both feeling at once.

You shouldn’t be babysitting your fiancé like this, that much was true. If he couldn’t even attend a family dinner, what did that mean for the marriage?

“You don’t have to worry about the wedding. I’ll take care of everything,” You mutter quietly.

“What?” He sits up in surprise.

“I can’t trust you, Soonyoung. You don’t care about this and you clearly don’t care about me, so why would I let you plan any part of this?”

“I can try, just let me try,” He pleads quietly. You can feel the desperation in his tone, but you can’t budge.

“I’ve let you try and this is what happens. I don’t know if this is how you picture our marriage, but if this is it then consider us strangers. I can’t do this, not like this.” You can’t look at him as you stand up.

Your body goes into autopilot as you knock on the door where the guards are stationed, letting them out so you can both separate for the night. You gently request for him to be taken home before starting the journey back to your room, wiping away tears that welled up in your eyes without a second thought.

You hear him calling your name, but what point is there in turning around? You didn’t have the energy for drunk pleas and broken promises anymore.

If you couldn’t stop everything and everyone from falling apart, you could at least try to protect yourself from the wreckage.

—

For the first time, Soonyoung hadn’t been able to stop thinking about you.

It never felt good to be ignored by anyone, but getting ignored by you? It had to be a new kind of pain.

Despite his unbothered facade, he didn’t mind your company at all. He quite enjoyed your little quirks, small things that other people probably wouldn’t notice.

In the chaos of your intertwined schedules, there were moments where he’d just look at you to take in your features for himself, and not anyone else.

He loved seeing how peaceful you looked while you slept during flights or the way your cheeks lifted when you smiled. Since he couldn’t have you to himself often, he could hold solace in the smaller moments.

Admittedly, he had been in love with you for a while now, and he could pinpoint the exact moment when he realized it.

He mentioned to you offhandedly that he’d lost a beloved stuffed tiger toy as a kid, but he’d accepted the loss and attempted to move on. He didn’t think you’d remember the anecdote, much less do anything about it.

Yet, you handed him a silver gift bag while on a flight with him.

When he unwrapped the tissue paper to the sight of the exact make of the tiger he had, his heart momentarily stilled in awe.

“I found the original manufacturer and they still make them. The certain model you had is a collector’s item now, so it took a little while to find but it wasn’t impossible.” You explained everything calmly, your hand propped your head up on the armrest of your seat. You lazily smiled at him as he admired it in his hands.

“This is very kind of you, thank you,” He couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face.

His parents hadn’t thought of trying to replace it for him after all these years, and he surely didn’t expect it from you. The gesture is just so romantic, even if you just wanted to write it off as simply a nice thing to do.

He didn’t cry until he was alone after the day’s activities were finished, realizing just how important it was to him. You were so nice, much nicer than he deserved from his future wife given his standoffish behavior.

There was no reason why he couldn’t confess his true feelings to you at this point. The wedding was fast approaching, sooner than he’d like to admit.

Details about the ceremony were quickly ironed out between your shared staff before he could think twice about asking, and you held to your word that he wasn’t allowed to get involved in wedding planning.

He didn’t remember much from the night you found him drunk, but it was clear that wedding planning was off-limits and you were extremely wary of being alone with him. Thus, he had to make his apology meaningful, and he couldn’t wait until after the wedding. He was determined to mend the relationship before you walked down the aisle.

He started by sending you various bouquets, all carefully chosen by him.

That was a kind gesture, right?

He thought so until he saw you throwing one of the bouquets into a dumpster from afar.

All of his apologetic texts to you were swiftly ignored as well, forcing him to switch gears completely. It was clear that you were subtly hinting at an in-person apology, which was daunting but not impossible for him to do.

He hadn’t been back to your apartment since the night of the Youth Summit Ball, a major oversight on his part. Yet, he figured there was no better time than the present to start taking things more seriously.

He held the bouquet of white and red carnations tightly in his hand, fingers playing gently with the paper wrapping as he sat in his car.

He was optimistic that the rain would hold out until he was hopefully let into your apartment. Yet, he ignored the raindrops periodically hitting his raincoat as he walked up the stairs to your brownstone.

The moment he knocked on the door, it was as if the universe decided to fuck him over. The occasional raindrops turned into a full downpour, and he scrambled to figure out what to do with himself. There wasn’t any awning to hide under, so he attempted to conceal the flowers from the rain, unzipping his jacket enough to sit the damp bouquet on his chest before zipping it up again.

It felt like a lifetime before you opened the door, and the sight of you rendered him speechless.

This was the first time in so long that he was facing his fear of resolving the neverending conflicts in his life.

“Hi.” He smiles despite your unreadable expression.

“Hi,” You were confused, rightfully so. After passive-aggressively sending indirect apologies, he decided to skip everything else and just show up.

“Are you busy?”

“No, but I don’t think I have a choice,” You move to the side so that he can enter your apartment. He takes the cue and makes himself comfortable in the living room.

“These are for you.” He hands the flowers to you, and the hesitancy is clear on your face.

“You aren’t giving up on the flowers, are you?” You ask with a judgmental tone. He doesn’t feel completely deterred when you place them on the dining table instead of throwing them out.

“Well, these are your favorite.”

“This doesn’t bail you out, you know.” You give him a knowing look.

He sighs, steadying his breath before speaking. “I know, and you deserve an apology for everything.” When he notices that you're focusing intently on his words, he feels confident about continuing.

“I know that I’ve made you feel isolated, and I’m truly sorry for that. I don’t want you to feel like you’re alone in this, and I want to make this marriage work. You deserve to marry someone who’s willing to admit their mistakes and grow with you. I’m ready to be that person if you want me.” By the time he finishes, he knows that he was completely honest with you. He’s wanted to be upfront with you for so long, but it wouldn’t have been worth it if he didn’t express himself properly.

You let out a contemplative sigh. He could tell that you didn’t want to reject him, it’s as if your face was processing his statement just as swiftly as your brain.

“As much as I appreciate this, I don’t want to be in a loveless marriage.” You said.

He swallows lightly, but he’s still understanding of your perspective. He knew that he had to lay everything out for you before it was too late.

“Who said it was loveless?” He says.

“What?”

The revelation seems to catch you off guard, but it's not surprising to him. Soonyoung is a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, and this kind of confession feels completely out of his emotional range.

“I love you, and I should've told you sooner. I regret not proving that you could trust me, and you have every right to not have any faith in me.” He walks toward you, internally pleading that the lack of distance will help you change your mind.

“I do have the right,” You mutter under your breath with a chuckle. He lifts your chin slightly with his finger, forcing your eyes to meet his again.

“I will prove to you every day for the rest of my life that I love you.” His eyes are completely sincere, showing that he’s willing to provide the romance that you’ve been grasping for. He can tell that you can’t let him in this easily, he has to earn you completely.

“Every day?” You question him.

“Every single day,” He reiterates. He means it too, his mind was already thinking of dozens of ways that he could start making it up to you.

“That’s pretty tempting, honestly.” You tilt your head in curiosity.

“Anything holding you back?”

“I don’t think so. You just can’t keep coming into my apartment soaking wet anymore,” You scrunch your nose at his appearance and gently tousle his hair, earning a giggle from him.

“That wasn’t planned. It was pretty romantic though, right?” He can’t fight the smile that spreads across his face as he asks.

“A little bit. I forgive you, by the way,” You admit.

He exhales and runs a hand through his hair with shaky confidence. He couldn’t be certain of your decision, so the relief he feels at your words is palpable.

“Does that mean I get to see all the spreadsheets about the wedding now?” He knew he was testing his luck by asking, especially because the process had been under lock and key even before restricting his access to wedding-related documents.

“Yeah, it’ll take some stress off my back. It’s giving me headaches just thinking about everything coming together,” You rub your forehead and close your eyes for a moment before looking back at him.

“You’ve been stressed like this and you haven’t told me?” He frowns.

“I was mad at you, so all my other feelings just kept building up. I’m sorry,” You shake your head, immediately covering your face with your hands. He pries them off just as quickly, pressing a kiss to the palm of your hand.

“It’s okay, love. I am more than willing to help you, I promise,” He nods eagerly with a grin.

“Okay. I like that name, you know,” You finally crack a smile and his own smile widens.

“Figured you would.” He’s leaned closer to your face, but there’s enough space to move away in case you reject him. “Can I kiss you?” He asks gently.

“Please,” You whisper.

It’s all he needs to complete the distance between your lips and the feeling of you is almost overwhelmingly beautiful. He’s so lucky at this moment, feeling your hands push his head deeper into the kiss. He was too cautious last time, but now he’ll never take another kiss of yours for granted, not when it feels this good.

He would do anything to make sure you felt loved and cared for, no matter how long it took to earn your full trust.

—

“I just need a moment alone, if that’s alright?” The question comes out a bit shakier than you imagined, but you can’t seem to quiet your nerves. Your wedding day has already taken you on an emotional rollercoaster despite not going down the aisle yet.

As you view yourself in the gown that you meticulously picked out along with the detailed hair and makeup that took hours to complete, nothing looks out of place.

Yet, your heart feels unanchored.

Your relationship with Soonyoung was getting better every day, but it seems like it was all going a little too well. Even though your relationship was transforming from a state of emergency into a promising romance, it was all catching up to you at the moment. Your mutual efforts to improve your relationship had been fruitful, giving you both the confidence to get married without feeling insecure.

You wouldn’t regret it, right? You needed to be certain that you wouldn’t.

“Of course, Princess.” Your head staff member agrees without question before exiting the room along with a few team members who were assisting you for the past few hours.

Your brain can only think of him. The tradition of spending the night before the wedding apart from each other felt more like torture than anything else, as you’ve come to appreciate his comforting presence next to you. In the last few weeks leading up to the wedding, he’s made such a genuine effort to intertwine your lives together that spending time apart felt futile.

A knock on the door breaks you out of your trance. Before you can ask who’s there, Soonyoung’s voice fills the silence.

“Is it a bad time?” His voice makes your heart flutter before you can even look at him.

“You can’t see me before the wedding, it’s bad luck,” You attempt to fight the smile on your face but you don’t allow yourself to look at him.

“Even if my bride has cold feet?” He presses on, his footsteps quietly approaching you.

You turn to reveal yourself to him and his face lights up.

“They’re not cold, they’re lukewarm,” You smile coyly at him. He grabs your hands and scans your body with wondrous eyes, his gaze seeming to land on every detail of the dress before meeting your eyes again.

“You look so,” His voice trails off. You’re sure that you can read his mind, he’s practically grinning from ear to ear. It makes you feel a bit shy, you can feel your cheeks heat up from his complimentary words.

“You’re really inflating my ego here,” You shake your head gently, but the feeling of his hand grazing your cheek pulls your gaze to him. Despite your best efforts, it’s still hard to fight the inner voice that tells you that he doesn’t mean it, that he’s only saying it because it’s something you want to hear.

Yet, his responses are just unflinchingly earnest that it makes you wonder why you ever felt that way in the first place.

“You just look so stunning,” His voice begins to shake before he clears his throat, “I just can’t believe that you’re mine.”

You were certain that you’d never seen that much sincerity in his eyes up until now, but it started to quiet the lingering fears that still sat in the pit of your stomach. He was absolutely smitten with you, to the point where his smile didn’t go away while you were talking to him.

“You can’t cry yet, you have to save it for the cameras.” You chuckle in an effort to push away his tears, but his eyes were still glossy.

“I can’t help it. You’ve worked really hard on all of this and it’s coming together so well,” He sighs with content. Honestly, you needed to hear that it was all worth it, especially from him. Although he’d been offering reassurance more often than not, the sentiment felt different knowing that you were minutes away from getting married.

“I wanna kiss you so badly, but I can’t fuck up my makeup.” You pout. He instinctively places his hands on your shoulders, moving them up and down to make you feel grounded with his touch.

“We can kiss, you know. There are no rules to any of this.” He attempts to get you out of your tradition-focused mindset with a low tone. You do want to indulge him though, considering that this was the first time you'd been alone with him all morning.

“Just go below the mouth.” You nod and he smirks, immediately placing his lips on your jaw to see how you’d react. It pulls a soft moan from your throat, and your reaction encourages him to go down your neck, leaving kisses wherever his lips can find skin. You started to let go of the responsibilities lingering over your head and focus on your fiance’s tongue leaving open-mouth kisses on your cleavage.

He’s practically doing everything but undressing you and his eagerness makes it harder to pull away, but you have to.

“Babe,” You whisper.

“Hmm?”

“Later,” You have to hold onto your resolve or else you’ll give in, and you can’t let your first time be in a dressing room.

“Later?” His eyes perk up like an excited puppy. The implication of the consummation of your marriage feels daring, it will serve as the reward after dealing with the decadent fanfare of the day.

“Yes, later. I promise.” You nod and he somehow looks even happier than before he walked in. He focuses on your lips but leaves a kiss on your cheek instead.

“I’ll see you out there, okay?” He presses one last kiss to your palm before heading towards the door.

“Okay,” You wave him off and watch him disappear with a smile on your face.

It’s clear that you don’t have anything to worry about.

—

“You’re sure that you don’t wanna come in with me?” Soonyoung calls from the pool.

“Yeah,” You nod with a hand placed above your eyes, acting as a sun visor since you couldn’t find a hat to put on.

You were two days into your honeymoon, tucked away at a small island resort that mostly isolated you from the outside world.

The wedding had thankfully gone far better than you could have imagined. He stopped you multiple times throughout the reception to tell you how beautiful it was, how happy he was to be in the moment with you, and how well you planned it all. It was a day that felt sun-soaked, enveloped in a love that was starting to soften and lose the sharp edges that had restrained it before.

Despite all of the kind attention from family and friends throughout the day, it was evened out with the constant presence of staff and castle officials that made it all a bit overwhelming.

Thankfully, the honeymoon began the next day and you’d have to force all responsibilities out of your head for the next week.

“You’re thinking about something, probably too many things,” He assumes correctly.

You scoff and turn away for a moment before facing him again. “You can’t be this good at analyzing me, we’ve only been married for less than a week.”

He laughs before swimming closer to the edge of the pool to meet you. “That’s my job, angel.”

“But you’re right, I am thinking too much about you moving in and all the press stuff we have to do,” You’re rubbing at your temples just thinking about how much effort it’s all going to take.

“Hey, look at me.” He calls out softly. You reluctantly place your hands at your sides, trying to take in his words.

“You’ll have plenty of time to worry about this, but this is the only time you’ll be on your honeymoon. Hopefully,” He shows his teeth and it succeeds in making you laugh. He smiles back at you before continuing.

“So maybe we can swim together if you’d like?” He tries again, knowing you’ll say yes. You take one last sigh and nod.

“Yeah, just give me a second.” You take your coverup off to reveal a solid black bikini he hadn’t seen yet. You discard the coverup on a nearby chair before turning to face him.

He eyes you for a moment before you clear your throat. “Slow down, loverboy, we’re supposed to be swimming!”

“Just admiring how beautiful my wife is, that’s all,” He bites back a smile but ultimately lets it show. You walk down the pool stairs until you’re swimming next to him. He only stares at you for a second before pulling you in for a kiss.

You’re caught off guard, letting out a small squeak when his tongue slides into your mouth but you give in to the feeling soon enough. You let your fingers card through the back of his hair, pushing yourself further into the kiss. You feel his hands wander across your ass and you let out a moan.

“Just wanted me in here so you could fuck me?” You whisper, finally pulling away from the kiss to catch your breath.

“You caught me,” He whispers back and proceeds to kiss down your neck, not hesitating to leave marks that force moans out of your throat.

“For fuck’s sake,” You sigh. You didn’t need to have control right now, you didn’t want it when he was making you feel this good just by kissing you. You thank your lucky stars that the vacation house is somewhat isolated because you can’t pretend to hold back the noises you’re making.

He picks up on this and presses his erection against your thigh, causing you to hold your breath. “Where do you want me, sweetheart?” He asks quietly. Your train of thought can’t even start because he’s staring right at you, brushing his thumb against your lip.

“Chairs,” You mutter. He bites his lip and turns to look at the unoccupied beach chairs lined up near the sliding glass door that leads back into the house.

“Okay,” He nods. He leads you back to the pool stairs before taking your hand and helping you out of the water. You both don’t think about drying off before he sits you down onto the chair, pulling off your bikini bottom without a second thought. You watch him with spread legs, taking in the sight of his glistening chest and abs. He seemed just as eager as you, taking off his swim trunks in the blink of an eye. The sight of his cock makes your head spin, so you force yourself to make eye contact with him.

“Are you okay, baby?” He asks earnestly. He must not know how hot he is because you’re rendered speechless. His freshly dyed black hair is slightly spiky, and it doesn’t help when he runs his hand through it. It all just goes to your clit, and you’re certain that the pressure will make you explode.

“Yeah, I’m good,” You force your mouth into a smile to replace the incredulous look on your face. He nods and settles into the space between your legs, quickly spreading hands across your thighs.

“Have I told you how pretty you look today?” His eyes are practically dripping with lust, but you want to let him know that the feeling is mutual.

“Yeah, maybe for the 100th time today, but you look even prettier,” Your compliment comes out a bit shy, but it still makes his eyes light up.

“I don’t think that’s possible,” He lets his thumb graze your clit and you whimper. He lingers there for a few more moments before dragging two fingers down your entrance. He ponders for a moment before pushing inside, and the new sensation makes you cry out. The angled position of the chair makes his movements feel even more powerful, and his fingers gliding against your tight walls already have you in shambles.

“It’s not possible because you’re the prettiest person in the world, and I get all your cute noises to myself, right?” His question makes the coil in your stomach harder to ignore.

“Yeah,” You moan. He leans in for a kiss, capturing your lips easily while thrusting his fingers even deeper. How does he know your body like this? Sure, you’ve made out a few times but he's never touched you like this before.

Maybe it’s the anticipation that’s causing him to show out like this, he’s trying to impress you because of how long you’ve had to wait for this. You let your arms drape behind his neck for a moment before clutching onto his back.

You hear him moan from the scratches you leave on the expanse of his back, you savor the noises as they start to blend in with your moans.

“Gonna cum,” You breathe into his ear. He can tell how tense you are around him, and your eyes are becoming frantic from the impending pleasure.

“Just relax baby, take a deep breath, and let go for me. I know you can do it,” His encouragement lets you cum immediately, arching your back off the chair with a soft grunt escaping your lips. Your orgasm washes over you all at once and his fingers only slow down a bit, allowing you to feel every single bit of pleasure that he could pull out of you.

You take a few deep breaths and focus on his eyes once again. You start to register his face again as he strokes your cheek. “Are you ok? Are you up for more?” He asks hesitantly.

“Yeah, I just didn’t think you’d get me like this so early, that’s all.” You cover your eyes with your hands for a moment before looking at him again. He has you so shy that you can barely look at him. It’s hard to admit to yourself that you haven’t cum like that in a very long time, but if he’s making you feel like this so early on into the marriage, you don’t think you’ll ever be disappointed.

“Well, that’s good. I just wanna take care of you,” He reassures you sweetly. His eyes are so full of love that it makes your heart pound, swallowing in anticipation.

He meant it when he said he’d take care of you, he had barely let you do anything for yourself since you arrived at the vacation house. It was so adorable that you didn’t have the heart to stop him. It was nice to let him live up to his promise of showing his love for you instead of constantly feeling distrustful of his actions.

Of course, there would eventually be moments where you’d disagree or argue with each other, but it wouldn’t be out of spite like before. You’re lost in thought until he presses a kiss to your cheek.

“Where’d you go, pretty?” He whispers, his face now a few inches away from yours. It somehow makes you even more flustered than before.

“Just thinking about how much I love you,” You admit with a smile. His eyes widen at the confession and you burst into a fit of giggles.

“You love me?” He asks in surprise.

“I love you.” You state it confidently. You mean it too, and it feels so easy to express it to him. You knew you loved him since the wedding, he cried at the sight of you walking down the aisle and it helped you realize his sincerity. He seems to let the words settle into the air before giving you a response.

“I love you too. It feels good to say that,” He laughs at his own confession. With a mutual confession out in the open, the air somehow feels lighter.

“Can I show you how much I love you by fucking you properly?” He asks. You can only laugh and nod your head at how sweet it is.

“Not out here though. I need you in bed right now!” He exclaims, sweeping you up into a bridal style hold. You let out a scream before bursting into laughter, you can only let yourself get carried back into the house without protest.

----

“Fuck, right there, please,” You whimper, eyes screwed shut. The feeling of his cock stuffed inside you was indescribably good, it was nearly enough to make you cry. Once he got you on the bed, he wasted no time filling you up and easily pulled moans out of your throat.

He pressed your legs up to your chest, making sure that he was completely inside of you. You quickly learned that your husband had incredible stamina, and you were definitely gonna cum again sooner rather than later.

“You’re so good for me, my love. You don’t know how many times I’ve thought of having you like this,” He whispers in your ear. The sound of his balls slapping against your skin brought something primal out of you, you just want to suck him inside of your walls even deeper. You were barely holding on, but he kept pushing you even closer to the edge.

He leaned down to leave marks in the crook of your neck, leaving a hand free to fondle your breast. It was as if he combined every possible move just to drive you insane and it was working.

“Gonna cum for me, sweetheart?” His voice is laced with something even deeper than lust, it almost felt demonic the way he asked you.

“Yes, please let me cum, please,” The words spilled out of your mouth, your voice was shaking along with your body. He was practically rocking you back and forth with the impact of his cock, hitting that particular spot deeper every time.

“Go on, then. Cum for daddy,” He grants you permission. The nickname makes you flood his cock, screaming again as your orgasm takes over you. He pulls out in time for you to squirt on his cock, leaving you even more surprised than before.

“Holy shit,” You whimper. He looks so pleased with himself, but also shocked that he was able to push you that far.

He lets you both recover for a few minutes, but you know he hasn’t cum yet. “I’m kinda close, baby, is it alright if I-?” He asks, but you don’t let him finish.

“Of course. I already miss your cock, to be honest,” You let yourself smile and his eyes are already blown wide by your response.

“You’re insane, you know that?”

“You made me like this,” You hit his arm playfully. He slides his cock into you again slowly and he watches your mouth fall open slightly at the sensation.

“I did,” He smirks at you, relishing the sight of how fucked out you look just from him staying still.

He picks up the pace, trying to focus on getting himself there. It didn’t seem like it’d take much just from how intensely he looked at you.

“Gonna let me cum inside you, baby? Should I get you pregnant like this?” His questions felt sinful in your ears, but you were too gone to care. You felt pressure building just from that, and the thought of him breeding you felt exciting.

“Yes, please, I want it,” You whine. He felt so deep that you could feel it from your head to your toes. Every single part of you felt overwhelmed by his cock and his relentless pace.

“Good girl, daddy wants to fuck you like this all the time,” He moves to kiss you sloppily, but it still feels heavenly to have him in your mouth. It wasn’t much longer before you felt his body tense beneath you.

“Are you close?” You ask breathily.

“Yeah,” He grunts. He grabs your hips and fucks into you even harder than you remember, the pain radiating from your thighs forces a tear out of your eye but you know it’s helping. He doesn’t warn you before he cums, and the sudden warmth inside of you makes you moan louder than you expect. He finally falls beside you and lets you both recover for a few minutes in silence. You could easily fall asleep like this, both of you laying haphazardly under the covers while his breathing steadies your own.

“Y/N?” He calls your name and it startles you. You struggle to keep your eyes open at the sound of his voice.

“Oh no, I scared you,” His voice is much quieter than before, lulling you back into a state of calmness.

“No, I’m okay, I promise,” You turn to face him, rubbing your eyes gently.

“Ok good. We’ve gotta clean up now, alright?” He softens the blow of the question by kissing your forehead. It still feels foreign to let him take care of you, but when you see how gentle he is, you don’t feel the urge to take control.

It’s enough to watch him go through your suitcase, observing how his eyebrows furrow while trying to decide what shirt you might want to wear.

You decided that he didn’t have to prove anything else to you, ultimately, you could see how pure his heart was, and it would be doing both of you a disservice to let assumptions of character control the course of your relationship.

You’re attentive enough to follow his cues while he’s dressing you or helping you up to the bathroom, but your mind is consumed by him.

“Doing okay, love?” His question pulls your head toward him. You adjust your posture in bed as he approaches you, climbing into the bed beside you.

“Better now that you’re back,” You hum lowly, leaning your head onto his shoulder. You take a deep breath, taking in the feeling of his skin against yours.

His body vibrates as he chuckles. “I’m glad you’re alright. I was thinking about something while we were in the bathroom,” He leans into your touch slightly, enough to make your eyes flutter shut.

“What’s up?” You accept his inquiry.

“I think we should take the kids here one day when they’re old enough,” He explains it as if it’s fate, and you can’t help but smile at the thought of him being certain that your shared future is meant to expand in so many different ways. You can’t picture yourself being pregnant for a long while, but the idea of building a family with him feels right to think about.

“We’ve fucked once and you’re thinking about our kids,” You tease him in a lighthearted tone, but you hear his nervous laughter.

“It’s just a thought,” He waves his hand gently.

“It’s a very nice thought, you’re really sweet,” You finally raise your head to look at him. You let your hand caress his cheek before kissing him gently. He accepts you immediately, and you let yourself linger on his lips for a few moments before pulling away to look at him.

He searches your eyes, focused on figuring out what you’re meant to tell him. You can’t think of anything profound to tell him, any extravagant sentimentalities you might’ve conjured up don’t make their way out onto your lips.

“I love you,” You whisper. Your feelings are buried too deep to let them all out now, but it’s enough to tell him this. You feel the pressure in your chest lessen the moment he smiles back at you.

“I love you so much,” He mumbles the words against your lips before kissing you, love seemed to radiate from his lips the way he was holding you against him. The day unfolded into the evening, time passing languidly as you were enamored with each other.

As you fell asleep with him holding onto your waist, you realized that sweetness had made its way into your life before your very eyes. The limitless potential between the two of you no longer strikes fear into your heart, but instead sustains you in new ways.

There would be time to flesh out the dynamics of your relationship, determining how you’d show up for each other in loud and unspoken ways, but the present feeling of safety that sat in your chest was enough.

Neither of you was perfect, but the act of showing up and being willing to grow with each other was enough.

You are both trying, and that is more than enough.

#svthub #hoshi smut #hoshi fic #soonyoung smut #soonyoung x reader #svt x reader #svt smut #svt angst #hoshi angst #AHHHH y’all have no idea how long I’ve been working on this #but I’m finally free thank god

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kaizdreamz · 19 days

Text

thats actually all I have for a title. Aventurine x afab! reader

Also, I love his voice so fucking much holy shit can I JUST SAY. I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A SMUT AND THIS SONG CAME ON AND PHONE SEX. ANYWAY

MDNI 18++++ LEAVE THIS NOW. THIS IS ACTUALLY THE SLUTTIEST THING IVE WRITTEN IN YEARS.

CW: petnames, VERY VERY DESCRIPTIVE PHONE SEX, LIKE. REALLY BAD, Mutual masturbation, moaning, voice kink, IMAGINATION, clit/cock terms, sexting/pictures/phone sex, literally as far as you can think.

"hey baby..." his voice was low and deep through the phone.

"hi love, what you doing awake? Isn't it late there?" You lay on your bed, fidgeting with your sheets.

"missed you so much, had you on my brain all day." You can hear a smile through his voice, you smile softly.

"mm, that's sweet. I'm sure those meetings were really boring.." you mumble, listening to his hum in response.

It wasn't often you two were together, he was always busy with IPC meetings and plans. When he was with you it was almost as if he never left.

"what have you been doing?" He asks, his voice going to a low whisper. You think back on the day on anything notable.

"hmm... nothing much, I did some work and cleaned around the place."

"that's good, 'm proud of you." Your cheeks burn from the praise, Everytime he gave you a compliment or praise it always made your heart flutter. "God, I miss you so much. I wish you were here with me."

"me too, maybe one day they'll let me tag along haha." A soft chuckle echos through his line.

"haha, maybe. I'll have to ask though- I'm sure I'll get no extra work done with you around..." aventurine purrs through the phone.

"yeah.. I'll take up all your time."

"..."

"Aventurine?" You check to see if the line disconnected but it seems to be fine. Suddenly you hear a soft groan.

"baby, I wish I could taste you right now..." your eyes widen as you realize what's happening. Your face turns completely red, his moans echo through the phone.

"are you..—"

"ah.. fuuck." He slides his hand over his aching bulge. The silk pajamas restraining him tightly. "Fuck, sorry.. I just— hearing your voice after so long. Drives me insane.."

You slide your hands down your own body, dipping past your waistband and touching yourself. A small gasp escapes your lips as you throb against your hand. "Ha.. Imagine how I feel, every little emphasis— every gasp of air you take. You make me crazy.." you mumble, eyes fluttering close as the pleasure washes over you.

"baby, can you do something for me?"

"mhm.."

"tell me what you're doing.. describe it to me.." he pleads, squeezing his cock and letting out a moan.

"ah.. 'm touching myself— rubbing my clit.. thinking about you touching me." You whimper.

"are you still wearing pajamas?" He whines, you hum. "Take them off, undress for me angel." You comply and slowly begin to undress the cold air of the room hitting your skin and makes a pleasant shiver go down your spine.

You hear a shuffle on the other end as you lay down on the soft bed, a sigh emits from Aventurine's mouth. "Can you tell me what you're thinking about?" You whisper, he groans before letting out a soft chuckle and a soft "mhm".

"thinking about rubbing that soft clit of yours in gentle circles, or maybe eating you out until you're a moaning mess. Stare into your eyes as I slowly push inside." He throws his head back as he strokes his cock slowly— teasing himself.

Your breathing increases, your fingers dip into your dripping cunt. You let out a moan as he whimpers into the phone, his voice shaking "go on baby, touch yourself while you think of me doing so many things to you."

Your body burns, you spread your legs further apart and slowly start pushing a finger inside, it's been so long since he's touched you. Your stomach erupts in butterflies as you think of his hands guiding you to your heat.

"you're so good for me, so perfect, so beautiful." He praises as you moan as you speed up. You put the phone on speaker as you rub your clit along with fingering yourself.

"ah- aventurine, fuck... I wish you were here. Oh... I wish you could touch me."

"oh fuuck." He whimpers as he speeds up, low groans and moans echo his hotel room as he drips precum all over his hand. "Wish I could fuck you so good right now, make soft love to you. Make you orgasm and cum all over me, all over my cock."

You left out a high pitched gasp, your walls tighten around your fingers as your back arches, a moan draws out of your throat.

"your noises are so fucking cute, so needy. Ah- I can only imagine how wet you are... can I have a picture please baby?"

You whimper as you grab your phone and flip the camera to face yourself, taking a picture of your fingers deep in your cunt, arousal dripping out. You send it to him and a few seconds past and you hear a loud groan.

"oh fuck.. look at you," he moans in between his words, his legs go weak as he looks at you touching yourself. "Fuck, baby- fuuck.." he moans, biting his lip and speeding up.

"i- I'm so close.." you whine through the moans, "oh fuck, baby- I'm so close." You moan into the pillow. "Aah.."

"I'm close too," his voice is shaking as he strokes himself in full strokes. "I'm thinking of stretching that pretty pussy out, going so slow for you, make you take all of me. Make you feel so full inside," you bite your lip, whimpering out bables.

"aventurine.." you moan out his name. He lets out a loud groan.

"say my name again, please baby- I'm so close"

"Aventurine..." You speed up even faster, rubbing your clit— the pleasure going to your head as you reach that high you've been craving. "Aventurine, oh– I'm gonna cum"

"cum for me baby, let yourself go, I'm right here." He whines, hips twitching as he reaches his high too, his cock pulses and twitches in his hand as he lets out a wobbly moan.

your back arches and your legs shake as your orgasm crashes against you so hard, you bite your lip to stop yourself from being too loud. You can only think about him, how he feels against your skin, how he would touch you— Him, Aventurine.

"I love you, I love you so much." He whispers, catching his breath.

"mm... I love you too, Aventurine," you hum sleepily, reaching over the nightstand and wiping cum off yourself. Hissing at the sensitivity, he laughs.

"I made such a mess." He sighs. "Thank you— for being so goddamn perfect..."

"thank you for having the sexiest bedroom voice" you tease, your heart swells in adoration as he lets out a breathy laugh.

UH I DONT WANNA WRITE ANYTHING ELSE SO HERE AHAHA

#female reader #Afab reader #hsr aventurine #Hsr smut #Smut #Phonesex #Aventurine smut #Hsr x you #aventurine x reader #honkai star rail smut #Spotify

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chilschuck · 22 days

Text

— ONLY IF YOU’D LIKE ME TO:

(I COULD FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU.) ♡ chilchuck x gn!reader.

꒰ warnings: ꒱ sfw, ment. of n//edles (the sewing kind, lol).

꒰ wc: ꒱ 809 words. just a drabble!

꒰ note: ꒱ guys i can’t stop thinking about this repressed-emotions-having-ass man. i wanted to write something with the song “clusterhug” by iDKHOW as inspo. i don’t know if i like this or not, so maybe i’ll delete it later. i took inspiration from the mimic chapter in the manga. sorry if it’s a bit ooc, i just kinda let my heart go with this one. i hope you enjoy!

Little things lead up to big ones. In other words, small acts of kindness become forces to be reckoned with. There’s only so much someone can do to brace themselves for the impact of falling in love, which Chilchuck had learned the hard way. His efforts to keep work and private life separate were not enough. Despite his measures at bracing himself, the problem seemed to somehow build itself into something he just couldn’t fight; something he knows he’s not skilled at.

Your touch, so gentle when handling his wounds compared to others, was the first hit to his willpower. Chilchuck was used to leading and making sure others were safe in their steps, but even then he felt he couldn’t hold a candle to you. If there’s one thing you did for the party that he considered your skill, it was being a source of light. A source of delicate touches in which he had forgotten he craved.

Chilchuck believes he could blame this all on that single encounter with that mimic. You had beat Marcille to him, immediately dropping to your knees and making sure he was safe. The cut on his cheek was handled easily with delicate touches and small tuts under your breath. “I’m sorry,” he heard you murmur. “Someone should’ve gone with you.” The cloth in your hand did not bring as much relief to his wounds as your presence seemed to.

Later, he had tried to distract himself by mending his clothes, stitching the rifts in the fabric with precise hands. It was best to stay focused and squander any emotions he considered useless. The greater the attempt, though, the harder it came back to bite him in the ass. This was only one of many things he had to learn the hard way.

“Your stitches are really neat,” You had commented in that gentle voice of yours, the same pitch you always spoke in. It wasn’t syrupy sweet, but delicate in ways he couldn’t understand. It wrapped around his brain and inched into his chest. “It’s entrancing to watch you work.”

I could say the same about you, he could say. He pictured your bashful smile. Chilchuck reminded himself to breathe. You’re entrancing in ways I can’t explain.

There was something about your gaze that made him feel like the room rose in temperature. Rolling his shoulders, he flicked his eyes up to yours.

“Just something I had to learn.”

Just like the fact that you were winding your way around his heart. Could he even begin to comprehend what you were doing to him, what you were making him feel? The depth at which you were breaking his walls down scared him. Even the thought that maybe, just maybe, you reserved those sweet looks just for him sent him over the edge.

“You should teach me one day.” You whispered.

Only if you’d like me too. He could mumble back instantly. You waited patiently, smiling at him. He swallowed.

“Yeah, sure. Here.”

His fingers brushed against yours, the green fabric resting in your hands. Chilchuck held the needle, watching the thread cascade before setting it into your palm.

“I can teach you.”

Gods, don’t look at him like that. Don’t ever beam like that, not when he’s so close and looking over your shoulder as you thread the needle.

“There, now pull it through. Make sure the stitch isn’t loose.” You did as he asked, waiting for his next instruction. When you lit up at the progress, the rip shrinking in the scarf, he couldn’t help but smile.

Maybe while you’re at it, you could stitch up the rifts in his heart he let grow. He knew if anyone could, it’d be you. But before he knew it, you had repaired the hole, holding it up proudly.

“Thank you, Chilchuck! Now I can help next time, too.” You folded it, placing it into his hands. He felt his ears burn. There was something about how thankful you were to everyone, him included. Another shot to his willpower. It’s not like he really even did anything… It’s something anyone could learn.

Even then, as your attention was called upon by Marcille, he couldn’t stop thinking about you. Gaze locked on the fabric in his hands, he let himself get lost in thought while you watched Senshi and Laios prepare the next meal. If you kept shining so bright like that, he’d have no choice but to fall in love with you. There’s only so much kindness he could handle from you. You were giving him no choice but to swallow his pride and reconsider everything he knew about living a double life like this. Could he really make you happy?

Only if you’d like him to, he let his heart say. Whether or not he would listen is for time to tell. He could fall in love with you.

#⟡ lilia writes! 🌿#dividers by cafekitsune #oughhhhhhhh my god.#posting this is making me nervous LOL #idk if i like it or not #chilchuck tims x reader #chilchuck x reader #dunmeshi x reader #delicious in dungeon x reader #going to go sit in the corner now #goodbye…..

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tarjapearce · 3 months

Text

Bad Teachings (Pt. 17)

Older! Miguel O'Hara x Reader

WARNINGS: Sexual language, mild smut, masturbation, awkward situations, a bit of Miguel on Dad mode, Angst, depictions of nightmares, bonding time, emerging fears, relationship doubts, mild character background depiction, comfort towards the end.

Summary: The cracks in Miguel's past begin to widen.

A/N: Sorry in advance :'). (feedback much appreciated ❤️✨) I DO NOT AUTHORIZE my works to be translated or updated to other platforms without permission. Thanks to my beta reader @oharasmommymilkers00 ❤️

Chapter's song:

Let me show you.

Those words had forever marked your brain with Miguel's watermark forever, claiming almost every bit of you for himself.

Not only he showed you, but also taught you many things.

How to kiss, how to properly sleep in his chest, and how to address him from now on.

Amor.

He was your sunshine. You ray of hope, your light in the darkest days, your savior when everything had crumbled apart. The bandage and glue of your bleeding heart, your life teacher and now all yours.

And still, you couldn't help but feel like a total fool at lost on what to do. The relationship was a blank canvas awaiting to be painted with so many new emotions and experiences created by both, to create the Opus Magna of yourselves.

You held the brush, and Miguel guided you through the strokes. That kiss was the base from everything, the beginning of a beautiful work in progress.

Ever since you kissed, it was like adoration, devotion and commitment had entered your world, foreign words added to your life's dictionary. And as the ever good teacher he was, he made sure for you to understand each one of their concepts.

The first thing he had been teaching you was commitment. He committed to come home to you, to keep himself healthy, to make you smile in every chance he got, and also, a must, he was committed to give you a breathtaking kiss whenever you smiled. Which was often.

And it had only been a couple of days ever since you decided to take his invitation. There was no room for regret, no room for what ifs when you were experiencing first hand what was like to be his.

Hands on you, roaming every romantic line of your form with such care and gentleness it made every pore of your skin to sing in delight. A brief call during lunch break to check on you, to ask you what you wanted for dinner, and just to hear your voice really.

He gave a gentle rub on your feet, despite ending up a bit annoyed that you were a bit too ticklish, after you came home, exhausted from work, which in return you prepared his lunch and gave a massage on his scalp before he drifted off to sleep.

The way he held you while sleeping spoke volumes. He'd always end up being the big spoon, a lazy hand hanging on your supple hips, his arm underneath your head, bicep acting like your own pillow, perfect for accesibly cradling your head for your morning kiss. Your thigh would hook on his hip, and your arm would slide underneath whatever side he faced you with, doing your best to snuggle him closer.

He'd nuzzle your neck while stirring awake, peppering your face with small kisses on the side of your cheek. He'd squeeze and breath you in, as if receiving his daily dose of endorphins in those single actions alone, they rioted as you blinked the grogginess away and immediately graced his day with a sweet and bashful smile.

"Morning, mi niña."

You curled into his chest, and groaned happily, relishing in his warmth.

"Good morning, amor."

He nearly melted at your pet name, specially when he taught you how to pronounce it correctly. He'd ask you to repeat the word over and over, just to hear you calling him that.

"Gotta go run."

You groaned and curled on him like a tiny marsupial both hands around his neck, leg unabashedly ontop of his waist.

"Can I be selfish for today and ask you to stay in bed with me?"

His hands caressed your hair, twirling a strand of it in his hands, he smiled.

"You want me to stay?"

"Please? It's kinda cold outside and bed gets colder when you leave."

You murmured in sleepy breaths and Miguel chuckled.

"Sólo porque tú me lo pides." (Just cause you ask me to)

You hummed as his fingertips massaged your scalp in soft moves that had you melting, sending you back to sleep.

-----

After what it felt like forever, your day eventually started, He didn't go for a run, but welcomed your day with a hearty breakfast and a cup of freshly brewed coffee.

You talked, washed the dishes together, then you took a shower and prepared for work.

Although the campaign had been marching smoothly, there were some things that needed to be addressed as soon as possible so you could focus on your area. Deadlines were approaching, and you knew how persistent Julius could get.

Miguel joined you a couple of minutes later, coffee mug on hand, and a stack of papers and his usb on the other.

"Got the information you needed from the marketing area"

"You did?! My goodness, finally I'll get Julius out of my ass. Thank you." You pecked his lips as he gave you the memory card.

"Is he overbearing?" He put his glasses on, to then stack up the papers, a pencil nested in his hand, small and frail between his fingers.

Your eyes couldn't help but look at his hands. "Not really, he's just been stressed lately"

Roughed up, calloused, veins with a purple shade that nested under his cinnamon skin. A pair of limbs you loved feeling, specially when he held you at night or caressed your body.

He chuckled, "You're staring."

"'Course I am. You have the prettiest hands I've seen."

You slid yours in between his, tangling fingertips while you snapped a picture of them together. Unlike your photo with Simon, your hand wasn't just laying there, looking pretty. They held onto Miguel's, on each other's. His fingers enveloped yours tenderly.

" What should we caption this?"

"Caption?"

You nodded while giving the image some brief retouches and finishes.

"What about... Nosotros?"

"Noso-truhs?"

He smirked at your little mishap but nodded.

"What does that means?"

"Us."

Your heart leaped and your stomach did a pirouette. The implicit confirmation of your situationship finally came clear. You were together.

"I like it."

His touch lingered, his warmth was always inviting. To your surprise he took your hand and gave a kiss on the back of your palm.

When you met again after work, there wasn't an hour he didn't kiss your hands, showered your head with pecks or touched you. As much as you wanted to keep revelling in each other's sweet affections, work demanded your whole attention.

He got to scribble some numbers and do calculations, your eyes couldn't help but dart towards what he was working on. A hospital's logo in the upper corner, he flipped the page.

The document, the bill, to be more precise; seemed an old and regular thing he checked, as some folding lines were too marked on the worn paper. He even hummed, apparently satisfied as the numbers he was doing seemed to match in his scribbles.

You focused on the files on your screen, and connected his drive to your computer, files copying by default. You then searched for the reports he mentioned and sent them to Julius.

One more thing out of the way.

Silence was comfortable. You pulled the drive out and poured the file into a copy of the whole work itself, to your surprise, there was a video file that remained outside the archive.

"Didn't know they had done videos already", Miguel snapped his attention to you, heart pounding in slow motion as you made click on the icon.

"¡No, no, no, no, Espera! Don't-"

Shit

"What-" Your hand froze mid air, upon seeing the contents of the video. Eyes widening impossibly big, cheeks warming up to the point of reaching your ears. He tried to pause the reel, but the video player got stuck and locked when he ripped the trinket from the port.

"Shit..."

Your giggles turned into soft moanings as they filled in the space, while Miguel rubbed his face, a faint dash of pink in his ears.

Fuck...

Your hands fisted on your lap, the video played, your heart thrummed violently under your ribs, gaze unable to tear from the screen.

Is this how you looked back then?

Hips urgent, riding your own hand, mouth agape, totally drowning in the swirling sensations that made your hand to squeeze at your breast, panting and biting your lip. The video shut off right when you were about to come undone.

The footage stopped in an erotical frame of you. Eyes closed, cheeks flushed, one hand toying with your taut nipple, pulling it softly as your other hand buried itself within the baby blue cotton panties that leeched off the silhouette of your hand as it got lost between your legs. A few loose strands of hair adorning your enraptured and wanton face. Heavenly pornographic, needy and way too pretty.

Screen blinked and a 404 error before it shut off and restarted.

"Gave you the... the wrong one, sorry." The urgency in his tone and his constant hair pulling had his anxiety shooting for the stars.

He put the usb on his side of the table and you swallowed. Trying to process what just happened

"Uh..."

"You weren't supposed to get that one"

"You've... kept that video this whole time?"

He studied your expression, revealing nothing but curiosity, surprise and embarrassment in tandem of a dash of smugness. In all honesty, you thought he had deleted it right away, turning it into a piece of lost media.

"Can't really blame me for such thing. Not when it was what started it all."

"I'm not. Just surprised you've kept it that long."

Plump lips stretched in a bashful smile, he wasn't one for consuming porn on a regular basis, and if he did, he'd look for the basics, but would always end up re-watching your piece. Nothing could really compare the need it created, the envy he drowned in for not being your hand in that moment.

Two years and a couple months of getting off to that video, the only tangible proof of your presence in his life before you vanished into thin air. He had gotten used to your attention. And now he had it completely, his lids drooped as he hovered over your sitting form. Caging you between his body and the couch.

"What else have you kept from me?"

"Besides that?"

He pecked your lips and you gave a soft bite on his bottom lip, nodding at his inquiry. It was true that it had taken you by surprise, but you couldn't help but feel flattered, it gave your confidence a boost to know he somehow had kept this memento.

"Some lovely pictures I took on my own."

"Oh?" You giggled as his lips kissed yours, hands planting on each side of your thighs. Some of his strands of hair mixing with yours ontop. "Show me."

"Gotta earn that, preciosa" He crooned over your lips.

Your eyes rolled and his kisses toured towards your neck, inhaling your lovely smell. One of his hands left a warm trail over your torso and tummy until it hovered above the junction of your inner thighs.

"How?" you husked in between nervous giggles, breath caught in your throat as his fingers dipped past the elastic band of your sweatpants and panties, but stopped, giving you a last look, searching for permission.

"I told you I'd show you, didn't I?" He smiled while staring, crooked upper row teeth biting at the bottom muscle for a second, "Let me."

And you nodded, granting him permission with a brief kiss.

Pupils went wide blown as the rough pad of his fingertips skimmed over the outer labia, cupping the flesh in a soft and gentle motion. Warm breath fanned over his neck and chin, shaky. His eyes closed as a low gutural growl rumbled in his chest upon feeling you.

His face hid in the crook of your neck, nuzzling the tip of his nose against your pulsating body.

"Brings me so much memories."

A coy laugh escaped your lips as he retrieved his hand back and pulled you up, With a movement he twirled you and pushed you towards the couch, making your digs to kneel in the cushioned surface as he pressed his frame behind yours, engulfing you.

Hands instinctively held on the couch's sturdy frame. Miguel nipped at your shoulder, his fangs grazing the junction of your nape and shoulders. One of his hands snaked underneath your shirt, taking a quick but proper feel of your breast, this made you titter.

"You laugh when you're nervous." he murmured while dipping his hands back inside your panties. One of your hands hovered above you, draping over his nape, this made him pick your shirt and put a piece of the hem on your mouth.

"Hold it."

A shiver electrified your spine, you bit your shirt as your breast were free, big and calloused hand immediately trapped one as the fingers of his other limb, dipped between your folds, caressing the hardening and throbbing bundle of nerves.

Your hips pressed against his, it earned you a kiss on your temple.

"Go on, my hand is yours"

With a gentle push of his hips, he swayed your body forwards, a shy gasp erupted from you as his fingers grazed your clit with a bit more of pressure. Your body sung with a strange yet familiar sensation.

How long had it been without any sort of sexual performance besides your own hands? Certainly alot. Miguel was the last one to bed you. And the only one your body obeyed.

Your eyes closed shut when his fingers played a deft tune with your wetness, ebbing you to move forward, without shame. His gaze studying your pleasured face as he tweaked one of your nipples.

With a deep breath, you sank your hips on his hand, taking a proper feel of his hand. Deliciously warm, rough and providing enough texture to send jolts through your spine.

"There she goes" he crooned while pressing two of his fingers tighter on your moving cunt. A soft and wet thwip

came as he prodded the outside of your hole. He teased enough to have your swaying motion increasing. The holding bite on your shirt long gone.

Heat pooled on his fingers as you rode his hand. Your phalanges held his arm in place. A groan flew out of your lips, and it was the perfect chance for him to kiss you, deeply and just the way you both liked it while slowly, pushing his two fingers inside you, drowning the whimper that had his chest rumble with a groan.

He poked in enough to have your slit teased, and aching for something bigger to take you, like you were meant to.

He knew you liked it rough. And as your crevice parted to exhale, he seized the chance to kiss you.

Hungrily, breathlessly and full of need. Like if your life depended on each other's lips. His fingers prodded deep enough to not make you feel uncomfortable, rather provoke you enough to have you sputtering sensual babbles and blown moans.

"Just like that, mi amor?" His voice dropped an octave lower, a bit of shakiness in it as he moved his hand faster, focused on the gentle yet speedy motions on your clit and nipples, your jaw slacked open .

"Mig-" You gasped upon feeling the tension coiling up in a tight knot, every pore of your body sung in need and delight. Awaiting to fall in the scrumptious abyss of pleasure you had been missing and lacking for so long, because adult life happened.

Chest rose up and down erratically, until your body went taut, finally melting in his arms with a sweet cry it had him smirking, satisfied and proud. He still got it.

"Miguel!" You gasped as the tidal waves of pleasure, drowned you, Consuming every rational thought, except for one. More. You wanted and needed more.

More of him, you wanted it all. How not when he turned your dazed head towards him, making you watch him lick his glistening fingers clean, relishing in your taste.

"Me encantas tanto" Another kiss and you tasted yourself in the process, before he let you ride your high in his arms. You panted and groaned with every spasm your walls did. His hard on pressed in the back of your rear, hips immediately bucking against his.

"Let me help too." You whined

"Are you sure, preciosa?"

"Yes" Voice raspy but sweet, pleading for him.

There was nothing holding you back from taking each other. You were together.

And God, you'd enjoy him like he was enjoying you and your mouth, his hands ready for the second round as he gathered your shirt up, with intention of removing it. However his phone buzzed on the coffee table, interrupting the possibilities with name Burrito Parker on the screen.

The growl he gave, made your clit throb.

"Este pendejo..." He grumbled and his nose flared angrily, he fetched his phone, still holding onto a breathless you. He pressed the green icon, answering the call. Irked and clearly upset at the cock blocking his best friend provided

"The hell you want? "

Your eyes widened at his tone, but his softened upon hearing Peter and his petition. He let you go with a quick peck and went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He hung up after a minute of speaking.

All the racing thoughts were sapped out your body, replacing them with some self awareness. Cheeks grew warmer at the creeping shame.

"Uhm, everything alright?"

"Yeah. Just Parker being inconvenient. Need to find some of his books."

"Right. Uh... Do you need help?"

No answer. Just him shuffling among his things.

The doorbell rang ten minutes later, a surge of anxiety ran through your body. Miguel was busy in his room, and the ringing turned urgent as it dinged a second and a third time.

"I'll get it!" You gave your clothes a quick fix to then open the door. To your surprise, none other than Mr. Parker stood in your doorframe, the cherry on top was him holding a little girl, lovely and fiery ginger curls ontop of her chubby head, blue eyes looking at you curiously. Just like her father.

"Mr. Parker, hi." You hoped the blood rush in your cheeks had toned down.

"Hey... You." He smiled nervously, while accommodating the diaper bag on his shoulder. Blowing up his cover of not remembering you properly, but in all honesty it was better that way. Things were awkward as they were. Besides, not that you expected him to remember you either.

His daughter waved to you, you smiled and waved back.

"Uh, is Miguel here? I told him I was in my way."

"Oh! Sorry. Yeah, come in."

You closed the door behind him and he remained on the dining room, glad he didn't ventured in the place you were riding Miguel's hand moments ago.

"Would you like some water, Mr. Parker?"

"Uh, sure. Thanks."

You didn't waste time and headed for the kitchen, served him a tall glass of water.

"¿Amor?" Miguel's voice rumbled from the room, heavy steps approached, "Who knocked-"

Miguel stopped upon seeing Peter, dressed up in a button shirt, pants and shoes. The typical to-go college teacher outfit, that seized him with a confused look between him and you. Trying to put two and two together. His eyes widened a bit upon it all clicking in his mind.

Miguel just deadpanned, a look Peter would translate into a 'You used your brain, congrats."

You got Peter his water, he quenched his thirst and held his girl close. Neither of you expected him to get here so quickly. Miguel specially.

"Did you find the books?" Peter asked as you witnessed the exchange between them. Mr. Parker handed his baby to Miguel, which the little girl seemed comfortable enough to the point of giving him an uneven toothy grin while trying to get a hold of his hair, followed by the diaper bag.

Miguel gave a couple of books that undoubtedly were the ones he used for his class back in college

"Sorry to ask you for this out of the sudden, MJ is in a meet and greet, and the nanny cancelled us last minute." Peter mumbled while double checking the insides of the bag. "Mayday just ate, she'll have her nap soon, make sure to not feed her avocados, they make her crap smellier. And-"

"Parker."

Peter rubbed his neck, exhaling, managing his own anxiety.

"Cálmate. It's just a couple of hours. Go to your lecture."

"Right. you're right. She'll be fine. I'll be back as soon as I finish. Call me or MJ if something happens or if she's too uncomfortable."

Peter gave Mayday a quick kiss on the cheek. "Be good with Uncle Miguel, ok?"

Your old teacher left with the books before throwing you a polite smile. Leaving curiosity and confusion behind.

Mayday pointed to the door where Parker had just left.

"Your papa? He'll be back soon. Don't worry, I've got you, Calabacita." His lips arched into a soft yet knowing smile.

His fingers tickled Mayday's tummy, earning a squealing giggle from her. His hands fixed the spider hero themed beanie ontop of her head.

His eyes turned to you, standing on the spot, watching him with unbelieving and curious eyes. He smirked

"What? Never seen a baby before?"

Your lips pursed and your brows puckered softly. "Rude. But I have. Didn't know you were good with them, though, or that Mr. Parker could be quite... responsible."

Miguel just pressed his lips into a tightened expression, but Mayday's giggle had his attention back to her. Her feet kicked enough to make Miguel to put her on the floor, she immediately crawled enthusiastically towards you, but the bright colors of your drives sprawled on the floor diverted her attention towards the trinkets.

Yours and Miguel's alarms flared when she approached them. Miguel quickly picked her up, earning another squealing giggle from her while trying to get a hold of the tech junk.

"I kinda can see it, though..." You mumbled in between a stifled laugh.

"What?"

"She's definitely Mr. Parker's daughter."

Miguel hissed as Mayday, pulled some strands of his hair while climbing ontop of his shoulders. "No me digas. Ow, Mayday, Espérate-" (No shit. Hold on)

His hands tried to grab her only for thw toddler to roll on and fall on his hands.

"Oh my god!" You gasped as he caught her flawlessly. Heart pounding so hard it got him tittering at your panicked reaction.

"Tranquila, she loves trust falling."

"Isn't that dangerous?!"

Miguel beckoned you closer as he cradled Mayday on his arms, an excited beam on the baby's face.

"Hold her for a minute, Need to get the bed done so she can sleep her nap properly."

"What? No, I haven't held a baby ever since I was twelve!"

"It's not rocket science, mi amor. Just make sure to hold her head and support her spine."

"But-"

Miguel shushed as he put Mayday gently on your arms, rearranging your limbs in a secure way to hold her accordingly. Her head rested in your palm, as you supported her spine by holding the rest carefully in your arms.

"See? Now you know."

He disappeared for a moment, the shuffling in his bed echoed through the room, as you stared at Mayday. She definitely had Peter's eyes and behavior, the hair definitely belonged to her mother. It was incredible how time passed by.

Seeing Mr. Parker was quite the surprise, he only looked a bit more roughed up, but was the same gentle soul he met back in your student days. And now you were holding his baby in your arms.

Miguel's head peeked out from the hall, watching you with amusement and fondness. It was clear you didn't know your way around children like he did. And still, you did your best, even though you looked like you'd beat Mayday in a staring contest.

Big and blue round eyes stared at you, tiny hands taking a feel of your already warming face while keeping a gentle hold on her. Exactly like Miguel had left you.

"Hey." You mumbled and Mayday cooed, limbs already on your hair, taking a good feel of your strand's texture.

And that was precisely why Peter asked him to look after Mayday, a little exchange of favours as Peter looked after Gabi back at the hospital when there was an urgent meeting with the lab directors in charge of Gabriella's case. In dire need of good news.

Miguel had been genuinely happy for Peter when he somehow confessed he was also being a father. The latter was mindful of his loss, but Miguel was the only one Peter trusted in at the time.

Your lover retrieved Mayday and accommodated her in his chest, rubbing her back gently in small circles as air flew out of her mouth in the shape of burps and yawns.

"How old is she?" You picked up the diaper bag as Miguel walked back to his room, rocking the baby girl to sleep.

"Two and a half. There's a small plush in the bag. Get it for me, please."

You unzipped said thing open and there was a small plush animal in it. A pig dressed in a Spiderman suit. It was handed to Mayday, which cuddled with it immediately.

"You know her very well."

"I've been her godfather ever since she turned six months."

You sat on the bed's edge, looking at the small nest he had made, a pillow on each side a space he'd put Mayday in.

He was a natural when it came to handle kids, no wonder why teaching came so in handy with this behavior. It also made you wonder about the kid's brush, and other items you had definitely seen but now were gone. What he had done with them? More importantly, what had happened?

But of course, those answers weren't for you yet, despite reaching a whole new level in your relationship. Talking about children was out of the equation, yet there he was, being a temporary father figure to a little girl that needed him. And he delivered, tenfold.

Making your curiosity even harder to keep under the leash. You left the room, letting him to do what he did best, you had no business in there. If anything you were only doing a moral support and watching how to tame a mini human.

Sitting before your computer, you organized a bunch of loose papers sprawled on the table, but your mind was too alive and taking even more consciousness to try and focus on your work. Instead it focused on Miguel and this newly found side of him you had the privilege to witness in it's full glory.

He seemed relaxed, like if parenting was another type of breathing, happy even.

Your guts churned with an emerging question.

What if he wants a family in a future?

You swallowed hard as a bubbling wave of anxiety made your brain juggle with so many questions as time ticked on.

Would he want you the same if a family wasn't in your plans? What if he didn't? What if he found someone else that did? What if-

"Mi niña?"

Your heart nearly busted out of your chest, you blinked the brewing tears away, clearing your throat as you poured your regained focus on your work after what it felt like forever.

"Yeah?" He arched a bushy eyebrow

"What do you mean, yeah? It's, yes, amor?, for you."

You chuckled, almost imperceptibly and this made him frown now.

"Is Mayday asleep?"

He hummed as he sat next to you, his frame swallowing the space right away. It brought you back when you were at your apartment, and he was assembling the shelf while apologizing.

"She gets sleepy easily. Taught that trick to Parker."

"I see..." You mumbled barely a whisper.

"What's wrong?"

"What do you mean what's wrong?"

Miguel reached for one of your hands and squeezed it between his. His elbow rested on his knee.

"To starters, you're not looking at me, something you do when you're conflicted. Secondly, your nose," He poked it softly, "is getting red, meaning you were about to cry, which leads me to think, something must've affected you since you were over thinking." He chuckled.

"You get this... gone look when doing it. And finally, your screen is still locked and you took my share of papers, mi niña."

You groaned while resting your head on his bicep, he kissed your temple.

"Well, you said it. I'm conflicted and over thinking."

"About?"

"I'm not that sure if I can approach this... topic since you said it was out of question."

Miguel just squeezed a bit tighter your hand, and sighed. His other hand removing a stray strand of hair out of your face. Mahogany eyes quizzical and cunning.

"Well, I guess it all will depend on what you're asking."

"No" You blinked, "No. If it makes you uncomfortable even in the slightest, I won't bring it up."

"Took me a while to learn this the bad way, but, awkward talks are part of any relationship and you're clearly upset. If I can, I will fix it. And if it's a too personal question, I will tell you, alright?. Now spit it out before I make you."

He nipped at the tip of your earlobe, earning a bashful giggle from you.

"Okay, okay!" You sighed, nerves eased a level down, and you took his hand while his keen gaze took you in, "Seeing you with that baby made me think..."

His face fell before your pause, and you swallowed, "Would... Would you still want me if... I don't want children?"

His eyes rounded a chip wider as his mouth pursed. "What?"

"You looked... Happy when having Mayday in your arms. I hope it's not a problem or..." You frowned upon seeing his tense reaction, "Sorry... God I'm so dumb. I'm so so sorry."

Hands immediately let his go, to cover your face.

"Hey." He pried your hands away and his heart sunk upon watching you all glossy eyed. "Mírame."

You shook your head.

"Mi amor." His tone as usual, gentle but firm. His thumb and index finger took a hold of your chin to look at him.

"You told me this before, remember? You don't need to explain your reasons to me. You don't owe me anything of that." His thumb moved to wipe away the tears that menaced to escape.

That's the least of things I think about.If honest?... I've..." His Adam's apple, bobbed nervously, unsure of unlocking even superficially that chapter of his life he always skipped and tried to bury, but even so, his shoulders slumped, almost defeated, "Parenting is not for everyone. It's hard and... painful."

You frowned upon feeling his hand squeezing you tighter, as if seeking to ground himself.

"Great... Now I've made you upset because of my-"

"Stop, mi amor" he warned gently, "This... your fear, will not change anything, ok?"

"Promise? I know... it's too soon to be discussing this, and I'm sorry if-"

"God, you do apologize too much. Come here."

He silenced your fears with a sincerity tasting kiss. There wasn't any hidden words or meanings behind what he said, his eyes didn't lie too.

"The only thing you need to worry about is hiding my marks once Peter returns for Mayday"

----

The sterile stench he learned to hate took Miguel by the throat, the beeping machines that dictated a steady pulse echoed louder the more he ventured in the white walls of his second home.

He knew them by heart, but for unknown reasons he kept turning in the apparently wrong direction, and ended up in the beginning of the maze.

No, no, no! Go right again!

His heart pumped almost painfully, his breathings laboured as he now sprinted, through the narrow halls that thinned the more he tried to run, as if they were preventing him to reach the end.

The machine's beeping turned erratic the more he approached, like his breathings.

"Papa?"

He swallowed hard, fist tightened on his sides for a minute, eyes impossibly wide as the door he knew the spots and details of, opened on it's own.

"Papa! Help me!"

The echo of his heart pulsed through his body, making it tremble as his lungs clenched, hindering his attempt to properly breath.

How?

His throat tightened in a knot. The urge to scream and beg only increased tenfold as he saw the ever familiar staff rushing in his little girl's room.

Gabriella

It was like if one hand, then another one grabbed him, held him back, He thrashed, but the more he fought, the more he was held back. Bound to watch his biggest failure as a scientist and father, play on repeat and 4K resolution.

"Papa!"

Her voice called, demanding for his presence in her thinning existence. But he refused to be an spectator, not this time. He'd do things differently, he had to.

"No! It hurts! Papa!"

Bile rose up his throat upon hearing Gabriella's pleas and cries, she had grown terrified of needles. He had to fight, against the weakening beepings, against the million of hands that held him back, against a diagnose that was now poisoning the little hopes he had left.

He tried, with every fiber of his being, to step forward, but unseen forces retained him, a gravel like voice growled behind him

"No"

He looked behind his shoulder, eyes injected with despair and terror. Bloodshot and crimson eyes stared back at him, his own silhouette hovered over him, like an overgrown shadow, towering over him, menacingly and preventing him to go further.

SHE NEEDS ME!

Miguel begged.

The bleary-eyed scientist, gasped for air, agonizing, grovelling to the door, ignoring the hands that dragged, scratched and pulled his hair back, doing their best to stop him

Please...

The constant pulse in the machine had weakened to the point of giving a wobbly beep every five seconds. His time was wearing off.

"No! Papi! No me dejes!" (Papa don't leave me)

Stop! Please!

The tears rolled, they still worked, Miguel believed them long dry and gone. His jaw clenched, despair gnawing at it's berated mind.

You're useless, O'Hara

The shadow spoke, as the beepings stopped. A deafening and dull monotone sound echoed through.

His eyes could only watch, unbelieving, glossy, shaky the previous doctors abandoning the room, a solemn look in their faces. Like the same day they found out what was wrong with his beloved Solecito's health.

Gabriella!

He cried, begged to enter that room, he'd give everything in his hands to bring her back, to see her one more time, to tell her how sorry he was. But none of that mattered, not when the forces released him, but focused in tearing apart the reality he was set in.

Each tear made his heart clench and race, he was too late when reaching for the door as he fell in the darkness' abyss.

He jerked awake with a doleful beat on his heart, erratic breaths polluted his lungs as his cheeks were soaked. Sweat etched in every pore of himself. Mouth soured and ashy tasting, swallowing hurted, his hair stuck to his face, hands were clammy.

The sterile stench still remained on his nose, like the steps when the doctors rushed in. He rubbed his face in a feeble attempt to wash away the fear

Another nightmare. He forced a deep exhale as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Nausea assaulting his stomach.

"Miguel?"

A hand on his lower back made his perturbed eyes to snap at the person before him. You. Sweet voice that grounded his rampant instability almost right away.

Concern etched in every muscle of your countenance, your hand warm, soothing. Not really caring for the sweat staining his back. Heart sinking upon watching him so distraught and frightened.

His hand traced your features, afraid that you'd slip out too. His breath hitched

"No te vayas..." (Don't go.)

You didn't have to understand that bit of spanish to understand his plea. In return, you cupped his face softly, and he nuzzled his face on your hands, relishing in the contact.

"I'm not going anywhere, Miguel."

You mumbled while combing carefully the unruly and soaked strands off his face, as they took shape in the way he always styled it.

His hands took a proper feel of you, too afraid that it was all part of the assailant nightmare. But you were there, flesh and bones, calling him to surrender into your comfort as you hugged him and cradled his head against your chest.

You're not alone anymore

"Mi amor." you mumbled and he clung to you. Leaning all his weight on your frame, even though he was hefty, you remained strong, for him. You anchored him.

"Do you want me to prepare you a cup of coffee?"

He shook his head, unable to utter properly a word. Throat too constricted and hurting to speak.

"Want to lay down?"

He didn't know what to do or reply. These episodes were usually spent alone, leaving none but himself to deal with his own fucked up psyche's aftermath.

He either stayed up until his alarm went off, or in the worst case scenario he'd knock himself out with sleeping pills or mezcal. Ruining his sober count days progress.

He heaved a deep exhale, as you enveloped him with your body, cradling him closer to you. He complied and rested his head on your chest, listening to the lullaby of your heart. Steady, grounding and very much alive.

You kept running your fingers through the drenched silky strands, easing the tension off his shoulders, and hopefully his mind too.

Peter had come for Mayday a couple of hours later, in the meantime you had to keep her busy and distracted from crying.

You had learned how to prepare a bottle, change a diaper and be more accessible to her, even play with Mayday. It was exhausting. But fun, Miguel had fun.

But now, you weren't that sure if it all had been a facade. His tossing and sleepy mumbles had awakened you, he seemed so distraught and fraught even in his sleep that made you wonder what kind of burden was eating his consciousness away.

There was remorse and pain, that seemed older than his own living years. That only made your heart sunk deeper, aching for him.

"You know you can speak to me, right?"

His eyes closed, giving himself a break from his surroundings.

"I know." He rasped.

"Whenever you're ready, that is."

He hoarded you in his arms and sighed.

He wanted to spill it all out to you, but it hurt too much. Still did, despite ten years passing in between, the wound was too fresh and his mind didn't cooperate with his attempts to make himself right.

But one thing was sure, he was no longer alone. He wasn't much a believer for coincidences, but you had came in a right moment in his life as dark times approached, his guardian angel.

You never judged him, he never felt pointed at whenever you were there. He felt at peace, and what other proof he needed when you gave him space to process everything? You didn't pressure him, but Miguel knew sooner or later he'd have to come completely bare to you.

But this time the thought didn't terrify him. Hopefulness nested within his chest. Slowly he drifted off too sleep, allowing for once, for someone else to watch over him in his sleep.

You draped the sheets over him, despite him being doused in sweat, the weather's cold mood didn't wane. Then kissed his forehead.

He wasn't alone. And you were set into proving him said words. Hopefully one day he'd be ready to explain your biggest concern and doubt.

Who was Gabriella?

------

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aclowntiny · 8 months

Note

woo congrats for the 700 followers babe (i hope you don't mind me calling you that!!) i was wondering a reaction of any group that comes to your mind about y/n kissing them and then running away maybe cause they're shy or being playful idkk!! that's the first thing that came to my mind

Of course not babe 😘😆 this is such a cute idea!!! I like this idea for multiple groups tbh but I’ll start with Ateez of course hehe~ Hope this is what you meant!

Ateez When Their Crush Kisses Them and Runs Away

Hongjoong

“I really like this one. Here, listen.” Hongjoong placed the set of headphones in his hands gently over your ears, the rustling sound tickling them before the click of the play button.

Music filled your ears, upbeat sound enveloping you as if you were surrounded. It brought a smile to your face and motion to your head, the joyful bob mirrored in amusement by Hongjoong. He shook his head fondly, watching with interest at your response to the song. You felt shy suddenly, head falling to no longer meet his intense eyes.

When the song ended, you removed the headphones, setting them carefully upon the desk’s slick surface. “Let’s listen to the next one together,” you suggested quietly, still a bit flustered from the way Hongjoong stared at you. Sure, you’d liked him for some time, but you hadn’t gotten that many signs before he looked at you like that, and suddenly you didn’t know how to act.

“I have the perfect one up next,” he agrees with a nod, unplugging the cord of the on-ears and queuing up the following song on the computer.

Upbeat music faded in favor of something soft and glittery, something that almost would’ve been like ASMR had you still listened in surround. The words started, and you could tell it was a love song. The perfect song, huh? What did he mean by that?

Hongjoong’s face was illuminated purple by the room’s LEDs, all his piercings shining lavender and even the deep brown, almost black, of his eyes getting tinted. His gaze was once again fixed firmly upon you as the desperate lyrics swam through the room, and it sent lightning through you.

As if yanked forward by a puppet string you closed the gap between your seated figures, capturing his lips against yours. It was hard to tell if he was responding, though, your brain working despite the soft warmth sending you spiraling. Your chest sunk. Maybe you’d been wrong. Oh, no.

You had to leave. With one final glance at Hongjoong’s deer-in-the-headlights face, you rose from your seat’s padding, feeling it roll away at the sudden push.

"(y/n), wait!"

Gritting your teeth, you swung back around at Hongjoong's bidding, seeing him half-standing with a hand out.

"I'm really sorry I froze up, I'd been planning to make a move at the end of the song for so long, that completely threw me." His look of worry rose into a smile. "In a good way. Can we try again?"

All you could do was nod, prompting him to stand all the way, glancing down and taking your waist when he received a nod from you before pressing his lips to yours, music still swirling around your heads.

Seonghwa

Everything you did was adorable.

You swayed your hips lightly to the music on Seonghwa's speaker as you cracked another egg into a bowl. You two were baking together, a simple, domestic activity that had Seonghwa's heart full. He could barely focus on his dry measurements, his mind full of you, you, you. What could he say? He was head over heels.

You passed by each other in sync, with you grabbing the milk and him the salt before returning to your respective mixing. Maybe he should try and make things more romantic.

When you beckoned him to bring the dry bowl over, he acquiesced immediately, proverbial light bulb going off above his head. "Alright, let's mix together."

You smiled that gorgeous smile. "Sounds great."

Standing behind you, Seonghwa took a hold of your hand, gaze falling shyly from your smile as you turned back toward the bowl, his hand guiding yours in swirls as you gradually added his half of the mixture to yours. Far too soon in Seonghwa's mind, though, the batter started to look incorporated.

"Does that look..." You turned, inadvertently pressing closer to him as you peered innocently into his eyes, face inches from his as the last part of your sentence came out quieter. "...good?"

Seonghwa's lips parted, but before any reply could leave them yours were pressed sweetly against them. His eyelashes fluttered and his chest soared, but a mere second later you were pulling back away, sinking down against the counter on bent knees.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me! That just looked like a movie scene, and- and I-"

Bending down to eye level with you, Seonghwa nodded encouragingly. "Don't worry, I felt it too. Do you want to do it again or is that just me?"

Yunho

From the peripheries of your vision, you saw Yunho tugging at the thick blue blindfold around his eyes. "No peeking," you chastised.

"All right, but how far do I have to go for the center?" Yunho responded, one hand tightly holding yours.

"Just a few more steps," you replied, tugging him a bit further, "in fact, I think that's good. Everyone ready?"

The rest of the group called out affirmatives, spreading for the game of blind man's bluff. Yunho was 'it', the one who would grope along after you all as you darted away from his hands.

Of course, that's how it should have gone, but Ateez was no normal group. Jongho had climbed onto the table and Yeosang was under a chair. The rest kept running up to tease him with actions ranging from speaking right into his ear and running off to slapping his butt. And that gave you a great idea. Well, not the butt thing. Not yet at least...

You'd wanted to make a move for some time now. You and Yunho were always so playful with each other, joining in on each other's antics and having giggly slappy fights you couldn't help but see as breaks to the touch barrier. So what better opportunity to push your luck than when the man was blindfolded?

Running up at his side, you stood on your tiptoes and crashed your lips against his, smiling even as he jumped back a bit, startled. It took everything you had to suppress laughter, but his next words helped.

"That better have been (y/n)," Yunho remarked, head tilted.

"Who else would have done that?" You shot back. too incredulous to overthink if you were about to be rejected.

"I dunno," he shrugged, still blindfolded, "Wooyoung or something?"

"Does he ever-"

"No!" Yunho cut you off, nose wrinkling beneath the fabric across its bridge. "Gross! And he knows I like you! Which I can say now given my optimistic assumption my feelings are requited."

"Yes," you stepped closer, placing a hand on his shoulder and moving your face inches from his, "yes, they are."

"Good!" He exclaimed, grinning. "But also..." His hands snaked tightly around your middle, lifting you off the ground. "I got you! You're it now!"

Yeosang

“Here we go- one for you and one for me.” With a bright smile, Yeosang handed you one of the ice cream cones in his hands.

It was a beautiful day, the perfect day to take a walk, and of course it didn't take much persuasion to get Yeosang over to the ice cream stand with you. Having time together like this was rare, so you wanted to milk it for all it was worth, drawing out what could be a simple wend through the park with the man who gave you butterflies.

Butterflies indeed, you thought as he dug happily into his ice cream like an eager little boy, continuing his description of the last book he'd read.

"But was it sad though? I don't want to read it if it's really sad."

"No way! The ending was perfect in my opinion. The characters went through everything they needed to." Another smile into the sunshine. Another bite of ice cream.

That time, though, the cone cracked and a little bit of the sweet dessert dribbled onto his lip, which stuck out in a little pout. Yeosang looked so cute, your brain blanked. Complete zero thoughts, head empty, just Yeosang. Without you even realizing it, your lips had fallen onto his, kissing the ice cream off of them.

It wasn't until the butterflies buzzed again, begging you to let yourself get even more carried away, that you even realized what you'd done, backing away immediately with wide eyes.

"I'm so sorry," you gasped, turning and walking away, butterflies now stabbing into your fluttering heart with shock and shame.

"D-do you like me?" You heard Yeosang's voice at your back, but you couldn't bear facing him again, just nodding your burning head, eyes squeezed shut and ice-cream-free hand covering half your face.

His hand on your shoulder almost made you jump. "Why are you getting shy now, huh? You're so cute."

Your hand shot up all the way, burying your whole face. He thought you were cute?

"How can I see your face again? Do I have to kiss you, too? Alright, gladly," Yeosang whispered, kissing your cheek.

San

San felt lucky that day- you two were at the arcade together. He'd liked you for a few months now, but couldn't tell how you felt. Making a move felt too risky. What were the odds you felt the same? Probably not great, especially since you were friends with all of Ateez. You easily could have liked another member, but no matter what San was eternally grateful for your friendship, the easy feeling he got when he was with you. Even though his heart raced every time you smiled, it was never stressful when you talked. You'd made it clear that he could talk to you about anything and even confided in him, too, which just proved it.

It was healing to see you so happy and excited, practically yanking him over to every game you wanted to play. You’d already kicked his butt at whack-a-mole, though his victory at the shooting gallery was clear. None of it was about winning, though. Not for him.

That was until the pair of you stumbled upon the claw machine, your eyes sparkling with excitement and lips curling widely upward in joy. Two little squishmallows of your favorite animal sat amongst the cuddly rainbow of prize options, and anyone with eyes could see it was love at first sight. San would have given anything to get you that plushie, even every last game credit he had.

“Your wish is my command,” he remarked dashingly as he swiped the play card, lighting up the crane’s lining.

“Oh, San, these things are usually rigged, though. I don’t want you to run out of play over it!”

“Then I’ll just have to win it right away, huh?” He shot back with a dimpled grin, deftly angling the gripper over your beloved squishmallow. Pressing the button, he sent it down, plucking the adorable round plushie up…

…and back down, this time considerably closer to the prize depot. Fire blazed in San’s eyes as he swiped his card again. He heard you giggle at his intense expression as he leaned closer to the smudged glass of the claw machine as if trying to become one with the mechanics of it. He twitched the claw back and forth a bit, then with a nod of satisfaction sent it back down, securing your prize and dropping it right through the plastic square trap door of victory.

You leapt for joy, giving that smile that made his heart leap as you reached through the prize door and cuddled your gift to your chest, repeating thanks to San again and again.

He smiled, opening his mouth to day you’re welcome, but was cut off by your lips on his. He froze, every thought and command flying out if his brain until he saw you flush and step back, uncertainty written all over your face as you still held your prize.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, shaking your head, “I just got excited. But I really appreciate-”

“No, no, wait!” Waving his hands, San panicked, words falling clumsily from his lips. “I’m sorry, that was so terrible, I’ve liked you forever so I just got really nervous! Kind of ruined that, didn’t I?”

Your lips parted again in shock, several heartbeats passing before you smiled and shook your head. “It’s like the claw machine, right? Practice makes perfect. I like you, too, San. Well, obviously,” you giggled, and just like that San’s heart picked up again despite that feeling of comfort and rightness returning.

Looks like you guys had both won the jackpot that day.

Mingi

“Give it back!"

Mingi had snatched your phone, which you’d made the mistake of leaving lying flat atop the coffee table in his shared apartment, and ran with it, leaning into the boon of his long legs. He turned back even as he legged it, giving you a wide, boyish smile before sticking his tongue out.

“Come get it,” he giggled in response, breathy from the clear exertion of how hard he sprinted, tearing tightly around a corner.

Smirking, you turned on your heels, running back the other way to cut him off. The look on his face was priceless as you emerged into the room he barreled towards simultaneously, facing one another. His jaw dropped and hands waved, but your triumph didn’t end, not even when you collided, toppling to the floor.

Heat rushed to your face. You had a crush on Mingi, and though you didn’t know if it was returned, the tension of the day’s flirting welled up in your chest, spilling over as you leaned in from your position on top of him, connecting your lips.

The moment you parted, though, you saw how wide his eyes were and panicked, feeling like you’d overstepped. Scrambling off of him, you made to leave, muttering an apology, but his hand closed around your wrist gently. His strength was still enough to stop you in your tracks without yanking you back over.

“Where are you going?” He smiled at you, stars in his eyes. “I need to kiss you back, right?”

Wooyoung

Prey in sight. Target locked.

Wooyoung was the victim of many prank attempts by you, the latest one being sliding up behind him and stealing his phone. Creeping up toward him, you rose up on your bent knees, hand sliding slowly toward the piece of technology in his hand. His hand that immediately reached behind him and slapped yours out of the way.

"Ha! Caught you again!"

"No fair," you pouted, "how did you even see me?"

"I know your M.O.," Wooyoung countered, smiling triumphantly and then sticking his tongue out at you, "there's nothing you can do that surprises me."

Frustration of multiple kinds ballooned in your chest as he smirked at you, challenge glinting in his eyes. You would do anything, anything, to wipe that look off of Jung "Smug" Wooyoung's face. You know what? Great idea, you realized.

"Oh yeah?" You challenged, stepping closer.

"Yeah," he dug his heels in, crossing his arms.

You stood up straight, lunging forward and crashing your lips against his. It was your turn to smirk into the kiss as he returned it immediately, almost desperately. Well, shoot. Guess all that flirting he'd done had been for real. Good to know.

Right as Wooyoung started picking up the pace, though, you separated again, running back down the hall you'd initially snuck down.

"Hey!" He protested.

"Guess I did surprise you after all, huh?" You fired back as you ran, turning to see with great satisfaction that Wooyoung was chasing you. No way he was going to let you get away with that.

Jongho

You didn’t realize it at the time, but you were dreaming. One of the best dreams you’d ever had, you would later reflect.

Choi Jongho, the handsome, stoic, effortlessly funny man you’d fallen head over heels for, had just confessed to you, pulling you into a kiss that had your head spinning harder than any prior fantasy had. The dream was vivid, too, full of sight and sound and sensation so much that it pushed you a bit past perception of reality.

So, when a hand upon your shoulders gently shook you awake, a voice you recognized even in half-sleep as Jongho whispering your name, you responded how you thought was in kind.

By leaning in and pressing your lips to his. Sleep left you further as he hummed in confusion, pulling away and repeating your name, this time questioning, inquisitive, faintly scandalized. Some of the added gravity to his voice had your half-lidded eyes fluttering further open, veil lifted as you blinked at Jongho’s wide eyes, pursed lips, and red ears.

What had you done? Every neuron in your brain called out for you to flee, bury away your shame and scandal forever. Each muscle in your body agreed, but had trouble following suit as you clumsily wrestled with the blanket that had been draped over you upon the couch, fabric catching your feet until you flung it to the floor, pushing up to a seated position and up, swaying to run away.

“Whoa, whoa!” Jongho held out a protective hand. “You just surprised me is all. Let’s talk about this, what happened?”

“Nothing,” you shook your head, unable to look him in the eye, “I was having a stupid dream. That’s all.”

“Is that what you call stupid?” Jongho asked, tone still even as always, but colored with the faintest hint of incredulity. “I would call something like that a very good dream.”

Your eyebrows shot up, gaze returning to his. “You would?”

“Sure,” he shrugged, “felt pretty good to me. But I suppose it wasn’t me in the dream, was it?”

Your chest ballooned at the actual palpable disappointment you saw in his face, heard in his voice. You…actually had a shot here?

“Ok, so you’re not gonna believe this-”

Not exactly the most romantic start to your next kiss, but hey, it sure did the trick.

#ateez #ateez imagines #ateez reactions #ateez x reader #ateez scenarios #hongjoong #seongwha #yunho #yeosang #san #mingi #wooyoung #jongho #gender neutral reader #fluff #requested #jacobbaeluvr #moots 💕

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strniohoeee · 5 months

Text

hey, can you do some fluff like yn has anxiety, and Matt helps her, thanks @stupendousoperatorwolfathlete

Tightening

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Y/N is suffering from anxiety silently until Matt takes notices and talks with her🫂

Warnings⚠️: None just mentions of anxiety. I would say this is more of a blurb because it’s really short, but hope you enjoy still🫶🏽

Song for the imagine: I’m God- Clams Casino, Imogen Heap

It’s what

I think

Bite tongue, deep breaths

I was sitting with Matt watching The Breakfast Club when suddenly my thoughts started to race. This has been happening to me frequently. I would wake up feeling anxious and sick, and I would try and focus on something else. It would work for a while, but then that feeling came back

These last two days I’ve been suffering from the worst anxiety of my life. I couldn’t exactly pinpoint what was causing it because my thoughts were just constantly racing. I felt the feeling creep up behind me working its way from my stomach up to my heart and chest and then into my brain

My breathing would quicken, and I would shut my eyes as my hands began to shake. I tried my best to calm myself down doing everything Matt would tell me to do in instances like this. Usually it would work, but these last two days it hasn’t been working the best

I sat next to Matt glancing over at him to make sure he couldn’t see me freaking out. I loved Matt, but I hated being a burden as far as my anxiety. He had his own anxiety to worry about, and I didn’t want mine to affect him at all

My breathing began to pick up, my chest rising and falling rapidly. My hands began to shake and my stomach began to turn. I tried my best to calm myself down. Shutting my eyes and breathing in through my noses

Suddenly I let out a sigh that I didn’t mean to, and Matt instantly looked over at me concern written all over his face

“Are you okay?” He asked pausing the movie

“Yeah I’m good, sorry” I said in a whisper

“That was an anxious sigh, I know you babe. What’s wrong?” He asked me turning towards me more

“I’m okay I promise” I said giving him a smile

“Talk to me” he said grabbing my hands to stop them from shaking

“I’m not so sure. I just have been feeling really anxious these past two days, and for no reason. I don’t want to burden you with this” I said shaking my head

“This isn’t a burden at all if there’s anyone in your life who can really help you it would be. Don’t ever feel that way” He said smiling at me with sad eyes

“I know, I just hate this feeling and I wish it would go away” I said swallowing thickly

“Well what’s on your mind?” He asked me

“I don’t know, I always feel like I should be doing more with my life, I feel like I’m slowly becoming a failure and I feel like you’ll leave me because you’re going to get bored. And then I think about the future. Where will I be? What will I be doing? Are you there with me? It just keeps my mind racing” I said letting a tear slip

Matt wiped my eye

“Baby I will never leave you okay. You’re not a failure and you never will be. You have done so many amazing things and you continue to do amazing things. And as far as the future goes, you can’t control that okay. You have to stop worrying about controlling what’s out of your hands. We just have to live everyday one by one and see where the wind takes us” he said giggling at his corny little metaphor

“You’re right. I’m sorry there’s no reason for me to be this way” I said giggling too

“It’s normal okay. Every human being feels this way from time to time, and that’s okay. Never struggle with this alone I will always be right here for you I promise my love” he said pulling me and hugging me

“Thank you Matt truly for everything. You make everything better” I said pulling away from the hug and kissing him gently

“I love you too. Just how you’re my rock I’m your rock too” he said smiling at me

“I love you” I said blushing and looking away for a second

“My beautiful girl what would I without you” he said pulling me and snuggling me in closely

“You’re too good to me” I said nuzzling in closer to Matt’s chest

He placed a kiss on my forehead, and unpaused the movie. Matt and I finished the film and decided to go for a drive to enjoy the scenery and get something to eat

It was so crazy to me how Matt made me feel so safe, and instantly was able to make me feel better about myself.

He’s the love of my life.

The End

I hope yall enjoyed this one! And I’m sorry it was short, but I’m not too sure how to make something like this lengthy. I also have two other imagines like this on my page, so I don’t want to get redundant🥹🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

#sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets imagines #matt sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo imagines #Spotify

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kindapinkskies · 2 years

Text

studio love | h.s.

well, i’ve returned with something about harry for the first time in almost 3 years.. finally got my brain to turn back on and write for him. i really like the backstory i created here so i think i might keep it going as a series and they’ll be connected but also can be read standalone, please do let me know what you think. i do really like the way this turned about and i hope you do too.

its husband!harry i love you already

warnings: smut (please only read if you are 18+ years of age), language

words: 10.9k (harry writes and records a song that will never be released but still enlists you for help with it)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The incessant vibration of your phone ringing pulls you from the near catatonic state you had fallen into while watching some random movie you found on tv. A smile breaks out on your face when you catch sight of the contact name and picture bringing your phone to life. Your heart picks up happily in your chest at the call. You nearly drop the phone in your haste to answer it.

“Hi.”

“Hello, m’baby,” the voice on the other end is rough; like it’s been used all day. There’s a fluttering in your stomach at the gruffness and you feel bad for having that swooping excitement when you know he’s tired. It’s just that it’s so attractive.

You smile, “To what do I owe the pleasure, my heart?”

“I was just wonderin’ what you were up to?”

Letting out a sigh, you clutch the phone tighter to your ear and sink deeper into the couch. “Technically, you could say I'm watching a movie. But, before you ask, I couldn’t tell you at all what I’ve been watching.”

A laugh rings out through the phone and you let out another sigh- this one content as it settles something within you. That sound is like home to you. “Yeah, you tend to do that.”

You hum, picking at a loose thread on the blanket that is currently covering your legs, “What are you doing?”

“I’m just in the studio.”

“Yeah? When are you gonna be home?”

There’s a noise that sounds like it was sucked through his teeth. “About that…” he trails off.

“Harry..” you whine out his name, dramatically, close to something a child would do. “I miss you. And I’m so bored.”

“You love me, right?” Harry questions, sounding like he’s close to laughing after ignoring your whiny complaints. By this point in your relationship, he’s used to how needy you can get and he truly just finds it amusing. Because he knows he doesn’t neglect you for very long; normally it’s only a few hours a day but you’ll miss him regardless.

And he can’t complain because he just ends up the same way if you’re too busy for a few hours to give him your attention.

The affronted noise that leaves you, at his question, breaks a laugh out of Harry and your offense to the question lessens. “I’ve been willingly married to you for four years, Harry.”

Choosing to get married young came with a lot of concerns, a lot of questions. Especially since one half of the marriage was just starting to make headway with a solo career after coming out of the worlds largest boy band and the other was just a measly author. It raised so many questions: why would you do this so young, are you pregnant, what’s the rush, what if you guys don’t work out, what if your careers pull you apart. None of those questions bothered you because you just knew, you knew from the moment you’d met that it was meant to happen this way. There was no point in waiting when you both just knew you’d end up married, whether it was at the ages of 23 and 24 or now at the ages of 27 and 28. Your relationship didn’t really change once you got married either; you’re still that same sickeningly in love couple that does everything together, can’t stand being apart, and is always on top of one another. A couple that hardly ever gets sick of the other's presence and just wants to always be around one another.

Your relationship is strong. You never really worried about it. Never worried about it coming to an end. It helps that no one outside of your guys’ private circle knows that you’re married as well. There’s no pressure on your relationship, no outsiders chiming in on how they feel about your relationship and how you’re too young to be in such a serious relationship. They will never understand how your relationship has been serious since the moment you’d started dating. That you’ve been wearing each other’s wedding rings since about six months into your relationship, even if you weren’t married yet.

Sure, the public knows that you’re together- can’t really hide it with the status your husband holds but it is private. You’re rarely ever seen unless it’s at an event or at a concert, or some sleazy paparazzi has been following you around. The fans you do run into in public respect your privacy as much as you ask them to. But, even with how private you are, you’re not shy with social media- you use it ten times more than Harry ever will again. But you don’t exploit your relationship though, you value it too much to do something like that. Regardless, the fans go absolutely insane when Harry can be heard far off in the background at the very end of a video, or even if it’s just his hand in the corner of a picture.

But nothing else truly matters, no public status, prying fans, or anything in between when you’ve been happily married to the love of your life for over four years now and you’ve never been happier or healthier. Never been so in love. In fact, you feel more in love every day.

“Yes, baby, I know, I have been there through it all.” Harry giggles and your heart just continues to swell at the sound. “But, like, I meant more of like a right now situation and not overall. I know you love me but, like, do you love me enough to leave the house and come to the studio to help me with something?”

You squint your eyes even though he can’t see you. “Why? Wasn’t it a full session today? What do you need my help for? Won’t I get in the way with everyone there?”

“You’re never, ever, in the way m’love.” he states and even though you can’t see him, you can just see the hard stare set in his eyes as they bore into yours and the seriousness in his face. You whisper out an okay just before he continues, “but, no one is here- they all left for the night.”

A frown pulls at your lips, “Then why aren’t you coming home, too?”

Harry let out a huff, “We recorded this song today, one that I won’t ever release.”

“Why record it then?” you question when Harry takes a pause.

“I want you to hear it. I really like it and I want to finish it but I feel it’s missing something. I know if you were to hear it, you’d be able to help me.”

You let out a thoughtful hum and tilt your head back to rest on the cushion of the couch, “Did you record it with me in mind?“

“Always, baby.” You can just hear the smile on his face.

He has told you multiple times that you are the reason he can create his music. His muse.

And you can’t help but smile at him even though you’ve decided to give him a hard time, “You can’t just play it over the phone?”

It’s Harry’s turn to let out an affronted noise, “I thought you knew me better than that, love.”

You laugh.

“You need the full immersive experience. I can’t believe you’d suggest over the phone.” he scoffs and you can picture him shaking his head at you.

You continue to laugh for a few moments, the noise he made triggering a laugh attack that you just can’t stop. Harry laughs too, his melodic chuckle mingling with yours like a song. One you can listen to forever.

“But it’s so late and I’ve already showered,” You continue to complain through your laughs.

“Oi, will you stop fuckin’ with me, please?”

There’s an underlying tone of irritation in his voice and you calm down enough to only a few giggles. You love him so much.

“If you don't get your cute ass up off the couch, right now, and get here, I will just stay here tonight.”

You sit up and reach for the remote on the coffee table and turn off the tv. “You think my ass is cute?” you ask as you get up and make your way to the stairs.

Letting out a dramatic sigh, Harry tuts at you, “Of course that’s all you heard.” You’re almost positive he’s shaking his head. “Will you please just come here?”

“Of course I will, baby. I was only messing with you.” He lets out a hum and you set your phone down on the bed and put it on speaker so you can continue to speak with him as you get dressed to leave. “I like watching you work. It’s very hot.”

He expertly avoids the compliment like he always does, “So you’ll come?”

“Yeah, I’m just putting on some clothes and I’ll be right there.”

“Wait, were you naked? You can always come like that.” You can just hear the smirk that’s plastered on your husband's face.

“Isn’t that how I am when I usually do?” you question.

“Oh, you cheeky minx. I’m glad your mind is in the gutter because so is mine.”

Your body flushes at his words, at the possible things he’s thinking of. “Isn’t it always?”

“How could it not be?” he challenges and there’s a clatter of something hitting the floor in the background; a soft curse follows it. It makes you smile. “You are m’wife.”

“Okay,” you blush, your voice taking on the shy tone it normally does when he compliments you. “I’ll be there in a bit.”

“Mmm, good.” He hums. “Do drive safely, will you? I’ll see you in a bit, m’love. I love you.”

“I love you.”

With it being almost midnight, the normal receptionist of the building is gone for the night and in her place is the security guard that takes over after hours. His name is Dan and he’s a very nice man that’s always excited to see you.

“Mrs. Styles!” He greets, giving you a wave. “Another long night?”

“Hi Dan,” you smile at him, “and it does seem that way!” you continue while walking through the lobby.

“He’s in studio 5.”

You give him one last wide smile as you turn the corner to where the elevators are. You’ve been here so often in the past few months that Harry’s been using this studio, that you can nearly do it with your eyes closed. The door is slightly open when you reach it and you gently push inside, relaxing at the dim lighting of the room. Further relaxing when you see your husband hunched over at the soundboard, clicking away on his laptop.

A song is filtering through the speakers at a low volume, too low for you to really catch anything from it but the bits you can hear are awfully sultry- more sultry than you’ve ever heard from him before. You’re definitely intrigued and you know that you gave him a hard time with him asking you to come down here but you sure are excited to hear the song to its full potential.

Harry turns around when the door locks shut behind you, a smile brightening up his face when he takes in your frame. His eyes trail all over your body and it makes you flush, the intensity of his gaze never failing to make you feel like you’re about to catch on fire. Your knees wobble a bit underneath you and you prop yourself up against the door to make sure you don’t collapse as he starts to make his way over to you. Even after all these years, he still makes you feel unbelievably fluttery; like you could take flight with just a simple look from him. You hope it never changes.

His smile is borderline teasing as he watches you watch him cross the room, over to where you’re resting against the closed door. Your heart swells in your chest; the adoration in his eyes makes it hard to breathe even though you know for fact that your own eyes mimic his. Know for a fact that your eyes have hooded and everything when you tip your head back the closer he gets so you can hold the eye contact.

His hands come up to frame your face, his rings cool against your heated skin- a stark contrast to the warmth of his hand- and brushes one of his thumbs across your bottom lip before replacing it with a gentle press of his lips. The kiss is so gentle that you just melt right into him, your shoulders sagging and a peaceful feeling spreading through your entirety. It’s such a sweet greeting, one that you didn’t realize you were craving until you got it. You’re never truly at peace when you’re away from him.

“Mmm,” he hums appreciatively, placing three quick kisses to your lips before pulling away to rest his forehead to yours. He takes in a deep breath, his eyes closing as he does, “I’ve missed you.”

You bring your hands up to wrap around his wrists, your thumbs brushing over the backs of his hands as they still hold onto your face. “Me, too.”

You both just stand there for a moment, breathing each other in- taking a moment to recalibrate after being apart for the better part of the day.

It only takes a few moments for Harry to settle, his heart rate evening out as he too becomes peaceful in your presence. “Kinda upset you didn’t turn up naked.”

Harry pulls back a bit, his hands dropping to the sides of your neck. His eyes trail over your, clothed, body like he hasn’t seen you in months and not just a few hours. Your heart jumps at the lust slightly clouding his eyes as they linger a bit on your exposed thighs.

“Dan sure would’ve gotten a show if that were the case.”

His eyes jump back up to yours and your breath hitches slightly in your throat at the rate in which they’re darkening. “He’d only be so lucky.” The smirk plastered on his face makes you giggle, borderline nervously, as he shamelessly compliments you. It doesn’t matter how often he does it, you will never get used to the genuine compliments he showers you with on a daily basis. He’s just so unabashed in his affections towards you and it will always make you swoon.

Your hands drop from Harry’s wrists as he starts to trail his own down the sides of your body to where they stop on your ass. He gets a good grip before he’s pulling you flush against his body. His touchy neediness shines through and it’s clear that you’ve been on his mind most of the time you’ve been apart.

“You really missed me, huh?” You tease, laying your palms flat against his chest. Your own chest heaving a bit at the sudden, closer, proximity to your husband. You missed him just as much today, craving his touch on you in any way you could have it.

“You know I always do, baby,” he murmurs as he dips down to place a delicate kiss to the soft, sensitive, skin just below your ear. “Can’t be away from you for too long without feeling like breakin’ down.”

You absolutely know the feeling.

“Same,” you mumble, kissing his pouty lips. “What did you so desperately need my help with here instead of coming home?” You accompany your question by running one of your hands through his messy hair, his eyes falling shut at the feeling of your nails scraping against his scalp.

Harry places a kiss to the arm closest to his lips before he grabs your hand out of his hair and slots his fingers with yours to tug you across the room. He slides your bag off your other shoulder and places it down on the coffee table before continuing to pull you towards the chair he was in before you’d gotten there. The song playing gets a bit louder as you come to stand in front of the soundboard and you were right to describe it as sultry.

It’s almost daunting as well, like it holds a chilling tone to it instead of the upbeat, more groovy, songs he usually creates. It feels like the complete opposite of what he normally embodies but when you catch a few of the lyrics it makes all the sense in the world. The lyrics are racy and the chords of the bass and the strum of the guitar are extremely sexy. The song is so incredibly sexual that you feel yourself heat up.

He’s crafted a very inappropriate song and you’re honestly so impressed. Harry has created songs with cuss words in them, with lyrics that are sexual and a peek into how he feels about things but they’re ones he’s always just messed around with to break loose his creativity. They always remained rough recordings and run throughs but this sounds almost like it’s finished. Like it would be released if it weren’t so deeply personal. The song is basically a direct explanation of his most intimate time with you.

You’d be embarrassed that everyone else heard it today while recording it, if it wasn’t so ridiculously good. The song is so good.

It honestly kind of reminds you of the night you shared on your anniversary last month. The vibe of the song is what you’d picture as a backtrack to that night if it were a movie or something.

Harrys grabs your attention as he grips onto your waist, the warmth of his hands radiating through your shirt. He pulls you down into his lap, situating you slightly so you’re sat more sideways than anything else- most likely so he can see your face and you can see his. His tattooed arm secures itself around your waist, his hand pressing into your belly to keep you in place. You smile at the placement, placing your hand to rest over his.

“Uhm,” he pauses to clear his throat when his voice cracks a bit. He continues after a moment, while messing around with something on his laptop, “Our anniversary night has been playing in m’head like a movie. I haven’t been able to really work on anything since.”

A big smile slowly starts to make its way across your face at his explanation, absolutely giddy at the fact you were so spot on- so in sync. You know what he’s dealing with. That night was so amazing you haven’t really been able to move on from it. You and Harry have always had a wonderful connection, emotionally and physically. And because you’ve had such a wonderful emotional connection from the very beginning, your sex life is just the best you’ve ever had. Harry has also expressed this to you on more than one occasion. The love you share is just so- so deep you can’t ever see it changing.

You’re both just in love.

“That red room just really stuck with me, y’know?” Harry chuckles, the noise coming out raspier than normal. Now, it makes sense as to why that lust has been simmering in his eyes since the moment he set his eyes on you. He’s been singing about that exhilarating night, all day. His hand tightens on your belly and the butterflies floating around just flap a bit harder. “It’s really heavy on the instrument, with a sort of alluring crescendo. The bass is really what conveys how I feel about the night.”

“It was a really good night,” you whisper, catching his attention as he turns his head to look at you. His pupils are blown and you can see how he’s become a bit dazed, like he’s recounting the night.

“Really good,” he agrees, nodding his head absentmindedly as his eyes flit down to your lips momentarily. A heat is building very rapidly in the pit of your stomach and you really want to rip off his clothes. He clears his throat, looking back to his laptop. “I’ve never made something so sensual before but this song is solely about you and only you, so it makes sense. I was able to find a way to express the night without explicitly mentioning anything we did.”

Your heart is beating wildly in your chest at his words, your blood rushing through your body and making you so unbelievably hot that you want to strip down to exactly how he wished you to be when you got here. He looks back at you again and the tension that’s built between the two of you is so palpable that if anyone were to walk in, they wouldn’t be able to break it. You honestly didn’t think anyone could still be so entranced with someone after having been with them for so long, always having heard stories of the novelty of the relationship falling away- but not with Harry. Every day feels just like the first day you’d had with him.

Harry’s eyes get even more dazed as he leans closer to you, like an invisible string is pulling him in and you know for a fact he feels the same way about you as you do with him. He presses his lips heavily to yours, keeping them there in a kiss that is clearly just to alleviate some of the pressure building up between the two of you. He wants you to listen to this song and get your input on it before he furthers anything.

He’s a bit breathless when he pulls away. “Everyone really liked it, liked the vibe. But I don’t care about them. It’s only you I want an opinion from.”

You nod, dazed yourself from the night you’re so vividly imagining and from the kiss he just granted you with. “You said it was almost done? What did you want to add?”

He greedily kisses you again, only adding to the fire building within you. “I want to hear what you have to say first before I tell you my idea.”

You nod again, taking a kiss from him this time before telling him to play the song. The fierceness of which he’s looking at you makes you swallow thickly, goosebumps rising across your exposed skin as you look back at him- knowing the implications of his gaze.

Harry forcibly tears his eyes from you, almost reluctantly settling his focus back on his laptop. There’s some clicks on his keyboard but you can’t be bothered to look away from him, the furrow of his eyebrows endearing you far too much to focus your attention elsewhere. The same song from before restarts, this time louder and the rumbling baseline can be felt in your soul. It sends the heat building in your lower stomach directly between your thighs and you have to shift yourself a little to lessen the sudden pressure there. A smirk forms on your husband's lovely face as he glances at you, because he knows what a deep baseline does to you.

Your eyes slip closed as an echoey guitar strum is layered over the bass. All the instruments stacked together make up a very slow and sensual melody that perfectly depicts how sexy of a night your anniversary was. It’s still strange to know that Harry is the one that put this together, this darker ambiance in a song that doesn’t seem like it would make sense with someone like your husband. He’s typically such a bright, happy go lucky person and to hear him make something so mystical, so ominous almost, is just odd.

But then his voice filters through and it makes sense. The lyrics mixed with the rasp of his voice, the gruff timbre he’s singing in pulls it all together to compile the sensual song he was describing to you before. It makes you shiver. Makes you feel like you’re about to catch fire.

Your Harry is so incredibly talented.

You find yourself swaying a bit to the lyrics as they reverberate through the speakers and into your senses. They’re so subtle that if you didn’t know Harry personally you wouldn’t really have a clue what he was talking about. Even then, you know for a fact the way he’s put together such beautiful sentences that what he’s saying truly only makes the most sense to you and you absolutely love it.

You can just hear the love within the lyrics even though the tone of his voice is just filled with the most amount of lust you’ve heard from him on a song.

There’s a guitar solo in there that makes your chest heave a bit and your nose tingle. The undertone of the drums during the solo makes you super proud of Sarah because you can hear the intricacy of them and it creates such a wonderful sound. Your body is practically vibrating at this song and you truly want to just rip Harry’s clothes off and show him how much you appreciate him putting this song together for you because of you.

The song ends with such a high note from Harry that your jaw drops at the sound, the way it trails off with the slow strum of the guitar makes excited tears spring up in your eyes.

Your reaction warrants a huff of air from Harry that hits your cheek and it startles your eyes open because you didn’t realize he’d gotten so close. Your gaze immediately meets his and you truly didn’t think it was possible for his eyes to get any darker but they surely did and it has your breath hitching in your throat. His eyes glance down to your chest where he can see the stutter of your breathing before trailing up to your lips, looking at them for a moment too long before he places a kiss to your warm cheek. The hand on your belly is tighter than it was before the song started and you only just now notice it when he tries to pull you even closer to his body, seeking out any contact from you.

Wiggling a little to try and relieve some of the heat that’s built up between your thighs during the song, Harry lets out a grunt when your leg brushes up against the hardness that’s settled between his own thighs. The song has definitely made the impact it was meant to, his pupils are blown and your body is so heated that a shiver of excitement spikes through you. He’s looking at you so intensely, so so so intensely that your heart feels like it’s crawling up into your throat, creating a thick lump that’s hard to swallow around. It brings a wetness to your eyes and a shallowness to your breathing- it’s a look so full of undeniable love but so so so heavy with lust that it overwhelms you. His own chest heaves with heavy, deep, breaths that you can tell he’s focusing on keeping as calculated as possible as his eyes trace every inch of your face; like he’s trying to find the answer of how you liked the song before he even asks.

You know the answer is clear on your face but you still have to say something.

“That song was very sexual, H.” you whisper, your voice barely able to reach an octave high enough for him to hear but the way he lets out a tiny nod, you know he heard you.

A deep breath from you pushes you closer to him when he breathes out a near desperate, “Yeah.”

“And your voice, baby,” you close your eyes for a moment to get your brain to straighten out. “I didn’t know you could get so deep.”

His eyelids get heavier when he looks at you, eyes barely visibly as he looks up at you through his lashes. His hand tightens on your lower belly. “I can get very deep.”

A tingle rushes through you at his words, the double entendre heating you up to your core, but you ignore him in favor of trying to get to where he needs your help. But first: “What did you do before recording your vocals? Gargle some rocks?”

Harry let out a loud laugh, one that throws his head back and makes his chest vibrate, the feeling of it transferring through your shoulder and into your chest where your heart swells. It has you leaning further into him, loving how everything just clicks into place for you when he laughs. You so badly want to press your mouth to his, to have him laugh right into you. To swallow down every sound he makes so you can embody them. But you know that if you do that now, you won’t ever make it to the part where he’ll get the help he’s requested from you.

There’s just something about his kisses that make you tap out, make you forget everything other than the feeling of him and you crave that more than anything. The soft plushness of his lips against yours, or anywhere over your skin, just feels so right. Each press of his lips to yours or to your body is always exciting, always feels new. It settles something deep in your heart, in your soul, every single time without fail.

And just by the way Harry always finds a way to get his lips on you; whether it be a greeting or parting kiss, a simple press just to show he’s there, a kiss to the forehead or somewhere in your hair you know he feels the same way. He’ll press delicate kisses to your arms or the back of your hand, if that’s all he can reach when the urge consumes him. They’ll be pressed up or down your legs depending on what he’s doing. To your back or shoulder, stomach or neck. Always finding a way or simple reason to kiss you. To feel you.

You shake your head a little to get yourself back on track, realizing he’s stopped laughing and is just watching you. You have to clear your throat before speaking. “You wanted to add something?”

Harry nods.

“What is it? Because it sounds so good as it is. The lyrics, the vocals, the instruments.” You exhale, fighting the urge to fan yourself. Your face and body is so incredibly hot. You shift on his lap again, needing some sort of relief. “I feel like I could explode, baby.” You whisper, leaning a bit closer to him. His breath hitches in his throat and you watch dazedly as his adam’s apple bobs with his harsh swallow. Grabbing his free hand, you pull it up to rest on your chest, “I mean just feel my heart.”

Harry’s hand is so heavy on your chest and his fingers flex when you’re positive he realizes the pounding of your heart. It is incredibly distracting and he has to clear his own throat before speaking, “If you could add one thing, what do you think? I have an idea but I want to know what you think first.”

Your mind immediately jumps to what you thought of the moment you heard the opening guitar riff, “Moans.”

The hand resting on your chest trails heavily down between your breasts until his fingertips rest just above his other hand. His lips have popped open in surprise at your suggestion. “Are you serious?”

You nod hesitantly, pulling back from him slightly, “Is that too… much?”

“God, no,” Harry breathes out, “fuck,” and surges forward to place a searing kiss to your lips. The hand, not holding onto you for dear life, comes up to wrap around the back of your neck to hold you in place as he slips his tongue into your mouth with absolutely no preamble whatsoever. His tongue swipes across yours tantalizingly and you moan into him. He happily moans back, pressing into you greedily- like he needs you to breathe.

“The way you know me, fuck,” he murmurs, pulling away but continuing on with pressing desperate kisses down the side of your face and to your jaw. They make smacking sounds because of how quickly they’re being placed on your skin and the breaths he lets out between each one are harsh. “Fuck,” he repeats just before he latches onto your pulse point and sucks stingingly at your skin. “Know me so well, m'love.”

The connection you have with your husband has always been such a turn on for the both of you. It’s been such a prominent part of your relationship from the very beginning, the synchronicity between the two of you is almost scary- especially to people looking in from the outside. You coincide outfits without meaning to, mannerisms, speech, thoughts- quite literally anything tangible between the two of you. You’re so in tune with one another that you can know how the other is feeling with a simple look or caress. You firmly believe that your bodies are connected in a way most people can only imagine; your souls being half of the same one that were separated but found their way back to one another.

A shiver runs down your spine when he mutters, “I love you so fuckin’ much.”

He kisses you again, absolutely filthy with the way he pushes in with his tongue and tries to pretty much climb into you through your mouth. Your arms wind around his neck and you pull him even closer to you, not minding the way he’s just absolutely trying to tear you apart. The kiss only deepens and he holds you against him like he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he were to loosen his grip even just a fraction.

The heat builds quickly between you as you just devour one another in a kiss that is going to lead to one place and one place only. You squeeze your thighs together in hopes of some sort of friction, wishing more than anything you were straddling his hips so you could grind down onto him. Harry pushes up into you at the same time and you can’t help but moan dramatically into the kiss at how attuned you are to one another. Knowing just what the other needs.

“When I first walked in and heard the song, I thought of our anniversary. I imagined it as a backtrack to our night if we were in a movie.” You heave when he pulls away again to trail kisses down your neck.

He pulls back to look at you, his heavy breaths fanning across your face, making you brush your lips against his in an almost kiss. He lets out a pathetic whine, one that you mirror when the hand on your belly slides down to just barely push between your clenched thighs, resting that much closer to the throbbing of your core.

“I hope we never fall out of this.” Harry breathes, placing a frenzied kiss to your lips. You sink into him, becoming pliable under his affections.

The fluttering in your chest is unbearable for a moment with your lack of oxygen so you pull away to rest your forehead against his, “I don’t think we will.”

“Good,” he murmurs, rubbing his nose against yours before diving in for another desperate, frenetic, kiss. Every ounce of love he has for you is tangible within this kiss. The devotion he has for you is felt in every languid swipe of his tongue through your mouth and it brings tears to your eyes.

“We should record the moans. We should do that. Do you want to help me get the moans?” Harry frantically asks, his hands shoving up under your shirt and grabbing at your bare sides. He sighs in relief when he gets his hands on your skin, his distraught movements settling at the feeling.

Your body is set ablaze and your heart beat is pounding in your ears at the feeling of him just everywhere. Especially with that skin on skin contact that you’re quite literally always wanting.

“Well,” you gasp when his fingertips dip into the waistband of your shorts at your back. Your hands are tangled into the hair at the back of his head and you pull his lips to yours again, kissing him passionately. “I don’t want you going somewhere else to get them.”

You’re breathing so incredibly fast, your chest heaving heavily- rising and falling rapidly as you throw your head back enough to let Harry mouth at your neck and no doubt leave behind another mark he shouldn’t. But you’re just so far gone you don’t even care.

“I could never go anywhere else. Not when i have everything I could ever want or need right here.” He says, sucking harshly at the hollow of your throat before he soothes it over with the tip of his tongue. You let out a dreamy sounding sigh. “You’re m’heart and soul and everythin’ in between.”

You nearly sob out at his words a new desperation, to have him close to you, mingling with your bloodstream.

“Fuck, I love you,” you pull at his hair.

Harry groans as he trails his kisses up the underside of your throat before landing at your lips once more. It’s a heady kiss, one that you never want to end and he happily presses into you as deep as he can.

“Let’s record those moans now, yeah?” He murmurs, out of breath, placing a kiss just below your ear.

“Now?”

“Yeah,” he kisses the spot once more, adding his teeth for a brief moment. “Wanna take you, right here, in this studio where I’ve thought about you all day. All frustrated around everyone while all I could think about was you and how you feel around me.”

The breath in your body evaporates at his words and you tug on his hair when the hand between your thighs pushes in further, his fingers brushing over the clothed bundle of nerves that so desperately wants his attention. He lets out a throaty groan, right next to your ear and you genuinely feel like you could melt right here. Just turn into a giant puddle of mush right in his lap.

“Are there cameras in here?”

“No,” Harry pulls back to make contact with you once again. His eyes glazed over. “Wouldn’t do that to you, baby.”

You nod.

The energy between you crackles as you stare at one another while you catch your breaths.

“I’ll lock the file and everything, you don’t need to worry about someone other than me hearing us.” He informs, already knowing where your thought process was about to go.

Nodding, you push into his fingers, desperate for some sort of friction to alleviate the painful pressure resting between your legs. You’re so unbelievably hot and bothered for him and how well he knows you.

“Regardless of if we do it now or not, it doesn’t matter. I won’t make it until we can get home to absolutely ruin you. If it’s not here it’ll be in the car. I can’t take it anymore, gotta get my hands on you, baby.”

His voice is strained as he speaks and your brain just completely shuts down. It's like television static in there and you can’t focus on anything but the way your husband's lips and hands are pressing into you. The best you can get yourself to do is to nod, your mind just absolutely overwhelmed to do much else.

“Use your words, will you?”

Your mouth pops open on a gasp and you breathe out, “Yes, please. Now.”

Harry nods vigorously in agreement, swooping forward with another heavy kiss to your lips. He’s absolutely relentless in how he kisses you, exploring your mouth in ravenous strokes of his tongue that leave you just shattered, completely out of breath. Wrapping your arms around his shoulders to bring him closer, you happily take him in, giving back just as much. A hand of his shoves up under your shirt, skin heating up even more when he gets between your shoulder blades to press you closer to him. He lets out a groan, into the very, very, sloppy kiss, at the fact you chose to forego a bra.

“Why don’t you straddle my lap, hmm?” Harry hums when he pulls away, his lips continuously brushing over yours. You dart your tongue out to trail across his lower lip. He moans.

When you slide off his lap to stand in front of him, his body follows after yours that invisible string pulling him with you- not being able to stay away too far. His hands are like magnets to your hips and he squeezes at the flesh there when you wobble where you stand. Once you’re steady, he slides his hands up over the curve of your waist before he settles them around your ribs, pushing his thumbs up under the swell of your breasts.

With your heartbeat picking up, you feel your eyes get unbelievably heavy at the sight of him below you. Hair askew, lips swollen and shiny, eyes hooded; Harry looks so wrecked already that you feel tingly in places that crave his attention. A fire burns deep within you that you know will only be remedied with the touch of him. So, you pull the shirt off of your body in a flourish, yearning for his touch on your skin.

He leans further away from you though once your upper half is exposed to his fierce gaze and you whine, high pitched and needy, from the back of your throat. But, he’s quick to tug at your arm, immediately groaning out, “Come back.”

Stepping in between his spread legs, his deft hands wrap around the backs of your thighs and he pulls at them- easing you up to settle in his lap with each knee of yours on either side of his hips. As soon as you’re situated, you waste absolutely no time to roll your hips into his, seeking out any sort of relief you can find. A moan flies out of both of you simultaneously at the friction you both desperately crave. His hands curve over the expanse of your ass where he grabs a hold and guides you over and over his groin. The kiss you share just intensifies everything you’re feeling and it’s burning through your veins.

Your lungs are screaming at you, begging you for some kind of reprieve so you pull harshly on his hair; Harry groans as he detaches himself from your lips with a heaving breath. There’s absolutely no time for either of you to catch your breath though because he’s mouthing at your neck in seconds flat, no doubt leaving more marks behind. You don’t even care, you just tilt your head back and give him more room to suckle at your skin. His hands are still firmly gripping at you, distractedly pulling your lower half over his and it’s steadily pushing you towards an orgasm.

On a particular heady pass over the hardness nestled against your clothed core, your arms fall away from your husband and clumsily clutch at the arms of the chair for some sort of leverage. A hand shoots up to the middle of your back to keep you steady as a moan rips through your chest at the pleasure coursing through your body. Harry let out a breathless laugh against the skin of your chest, causing goosebumps to flutter across the heated skin there. You can’t help the pitched sigh that filters out of you through your parted lips, you just feel like you’re on cloud nine.

Your lips ache to feel something again, to feel your lover again, like thirty seconds apart is entirely too long. Panting, you reach up once again and run your fingers through the curly hair that’s just below your chin and pull on it. There’s a smacking sound, partnered with a whine from yourself, as Harry’s lips detach from the skin on the swell of your breast. He’s panting as well as you pull his head back, his eyes immediately connecting with yours and you nearly whine at the hunger settling behind his pupils. His tongue swipes out to graze his bottom lip and you trace the movement with your own heavy gaze before dropping down to hungrily bite at his lips. You drag out his bottom lips between your teeth and the groan he lets out goes straight to your core, making you desperately roll your hips over his again.

You’re both a desperate, needy, mess at this point, like you didn’t indulge yourselves in one another just this morning before you parted ways. You just want to be able to feel each other as much as possible, get under each other’s skin at any chance. You wouldn’t change it for the world and you hope that attraction to one another never fades.

Harry brings his hand up to cradle the side of your face when you try to dip further down to smatter kisses all across his neck. He smells so incredibly good right now that you just want to bite into his neck and suck at it, hard. But, before you get the chance, his thumb is pushing up the underside of your chin and angling your face so he can get his lips on you once again. He breathes into the kiss, seemingly melting into your body as he kisses you urgently, all wet and hard as he all but shoves his tongue down your throat. You both moan and your entirety relaxes into him as you become pliant from the ministrations of his tongue against yours. You feel him relax even further when your weight drops heavily onto him.

“We gotta get these off,” Harry breaks away suddenly and it pulls you out of your pleasure filled haze to feel him clawing at the biker shorts you’re wearing. He’s trying to get his hand inside of them but with the way you’re pressed against him with your legs spread, there’s not enough room for his large hands. “Fuck,” he whines, “Why didn’t you take these off when you were standing?” He presses a messy kiss to the center of your chest before dropping his forehead down to the same spot. His frantic hands have settled with his fingers under the shorts waistband at each of your hips. “Know you’re wet for me, need to feel it.”

Your breath gets caught in your chest on its way out and the harsh pounding of your heart in your ears makes you dizzy but he’s so correct. He’s never been more correct. And you need him to feel it too.

“You didn’t let me,” you breathe, answering his previous question. You nearly tumble to the ground in your haste to get off his lap, eager to give him anything he wants just so he can give you everything you want. His hands on your hips stabilize you enough to keep you from falling to a heap on the ground because of your unstable knees.

“Careful,” he murmurs, his body leaning towards yours like that string is pulling him once again. Like you’re the only person in the world he’d follow after, even if your movements are less than graceful.

His eyes are wide as he just stares at you for a moment in front of him. Your breathing is still erratic and he watches the rise and fall of your chest with greedy eyes. He continues to watch your body react to his touch, the way goosebumps rise as he trails his hands down your body, to the way your hands clumsily gasp at the soundboard to keep you upright when he grabs onto your ankle to pull your leg into his lap. Kissing at your knee and onto your inner thigh, he works at removing your shoe then your sock before easing your leg back down. He does the same to the next leg and the slow, sensual, kisses he places to your inner thigh while his skillful fingers remove your footwear makes your chest stutter over your breaths.

He hasn’t broken eye contact once and you’re positive you’re only seconds away from spontaneous combustion.

Seemingly done with his teasing, Harry doesn’t waste any more time to bring his hands up to your hips once more. Dipping his fingers into the waistband on your shorts, he pulls them down your legs and lets out a grunt when he notices you’re bare underneath the spandex material.

“Look at you,” he murmurs, glancing up at you through his lashes before bringing his attention back down to your wet core. He leans forward and presses a kiss to your lower stomach as he helps you step out of your shorts and your muscles contract tightly at the contact.

Your body is absolutely aching for him.

“Why do you get to be fully clothed?” you complain, your chest heaving at the want coursing through your body at a very very high rate. You just want him to touch you, skin to skin, anywhere at this point. The coil in your lower belly is so taut and the pressure built up between your legs hurts and you just want your husband. Fully.

“Because this is about you, baby.” He smirks, running his hands up your thighs and squeezing at them once he gets towards the apex of them. You let out a heavy breath. Whining at the feeling. Wanting his hands everywhere.

“Then I want you naked, too,” you sigh and he kisses at a spot in the crease where your thigh meets your hip, so very close to where you need attention. He hums as he leaves a love bite there too, making you cry out at the sensation. “Please.”

Harry is standing up in the blink of an eye, crowding your space and shoving you up against the soundboard- the edge of it digging uncomfortably into your lower back. He presses in so close to you, his front lining up with yours so perfect like it always does. His hands grasp onto your cheeks with a delicacy that wildly contrasts the way his body is pressing into yours. Wrapping your fingers tightly in the front of his shirt, you yank him harshly to you, not wasting a second to press a searing kiss onto his lips. A loud groan escapes him when you pull on his bottom lip far enough that it snaps back into place when you let go.

Your body is so hot. You’re so hot, there’s a sheen of sweat starting to form all over your skin.

“Off,” you pant, frantically tugging at his shirt. “Off, off, please,” you plead, grabbing at his back, bunching his shirt in your fists.

Your husband laughs at you, a huff of air fanning out over your chest where he backs away from you just enough to get his shirt off. Your hands follow every inch of skin that’s being exposed to you, much like a magnet, until his chest is bare. Harry’s eyes slip closed when your fingers trail over the expanse of his chest and down his stomach where you wrap your hands around his plushy hips and pull him back to you. You both let out high pitched sighs when your skin comes in contact with each other, finally feeling a peace wash over you at the feeling.

“M’wife, you’re so beautiful.” Harry murmurs, a breath being punched out of you both when he grounds his hips into yours. Your body flushes even more. “The things you do to me.”

“H, please,” you sigh, not entirely sure what you’re asking for.

He plunges forward to place a kiss on your lips so hard that your head falls back at the force of it and you gasp. With your mouth dropped open on the gasp, Harry shoves his tongue into your mouth and the feeling it gives you weakens your knees to the point where you have to throw your hands down to the ledge of the soundboard to keep you from collapsing. One of Harry’s hands wraps around the back of your neck so he can keep your mouth pressed to his, so he can continue to devour your mouth with his kiss- while the other drops down to the back of your thigh, where he pulls on it until your leg wraps around his hip.

You take the new position in stride, rolling your hips up into his to get some sort of friction going. Your body is absolutely yearning for him. A moan breaks the kiss and you’re not even sure who it comes from, just know that it pulls Harry away and has him dropping his forehead down to yours with his chest heaving. His eyes are clenched shut and yours follow when he grinds into you again, the fabric of his pants brushing against your achy core.

Harry takes a minuscule step away from you, just enough to be able to trail his hand lazily up and over your thigh to the innermost part where he takes a moment to knead at the flesh there. The moan you let out at the tingles shooting up your spine is so pathetic but you don’t even care, it feels so good. Anything from him would feel amazing right now you just want everything.

“Harry,” you whine, pushing into him as much as you can.

Rubbing his nose gently against your own briefly, Harry drops down to kiss you once again. One that’s a vast change from the devouring one he’d just given you, this one slow and oh so passionate. One that builds the burn in your chest so agonizingly slow, one that your body completely melts into and you become pliant with it. It’s one that effectively distracts you from anything other than his mouth on yours so you definitely don’t feel when Harry’s hand slips down to your core until his finger is nudging it’s way inside of you.

Your elbows buckle under your weight when the second finger pushes inside of you and immediately curls into that spot deep inside of you that makes you feel like you’re in the stars. The hand wrapped around the back of your neck falls to the middle of your back to keep you steady against his chest as he relentlessly pushes his fingers in and out of you. Your head falls back on a gasp, the kiss breaking as the pleasure coursing through you relieves the fire burning in your lower abdomen even if that coil there is winding and winding.

The sounds of his fingers moving within you and the noises that are tumbling from your parted lips are absolutely sinful. They make you feel like everything is rushing through you so incredibly fast, aroused beyond belief. High pitched moans are tumbling right out of you from him wiggling his fingers around your spongy walls- to low throaty groans when he curls them up to graze over that spot deep inside you. All the noises mixed together could give the best of porn stars a run for their money. Your vision is clouding and you’re so unbearably hot, sweat is trailing down your spine and over your chest.

“Kiss me,” Harry groans, “Now.”

And who are you to deny him?

When you tilt your head forward you catch a glimpse of his, absolutely, wrecked expression just before your eyes slip closed and you kiss him with all that you can. It’s hard to do though, your jaw has gone completely slack and all you can truly do is breath heavily against his mouth. The onslaught of his fingers is making it so incredibly hard to breathe properly, your chest heaving with moans exuding from your parted lips. Harry happily swallows your moans though as he keeps his mouth greedily attached to yours.

That is until he pushes his fingers in as deep as he can get them and holds them there to press his thumb down onto your clit. You nearly scream out at the contact, a gasp leaving you so forcefully that it feels like you’ve been punched in the chest. Your head drops down to Harry’s shoulder; your leg on the ground feeling like it’s going to collapse, the leg around Harry’s hip is slipping, and your knuckles are white where you’re gripping at the edge of the soundboard. Moans are being ripped from you with your labored breathing the more Harry rubs relentless circles into that sensitive bundle of nerves while his fingers stay where they are but curl up to brush against that spot deep inside. Your vision goes a little spotty with the force of pure bliss rushing through your veins.

You want to touch him so badly, to wrap your hands around him in some way to get him even closer to you- even though he’s already as close as he can be. But you’re positive that if you were to let go of this soundboard you would collapse to the ground.

“I got you,” Harry murmurs, placing a kiss just below your ear. You whine at his words, his name falling from your lips in a continuous sigh. The way he knows you so well makes you clench desperately around his fingers. “I got you, m’love.”

You collapse forward and onto him, wrapping one arm around his waist and the other over his shoulders, shoving your hand into the hair at the nape of his neck. He sighs out your name when you pull him against you, your skin coming in full contact to mold you together. You roll your hips against his hand so you’re pushing into the thumb rubbing relentlessly at your clit but you also just really want to feel his fingers moving again.

A strangled moan passes through your parted lips and the fire burning through you is about to make you melt. Harry murmurs something in your ear, you can feel the vibration of it, feel the air of it, but you can’t hear it- blood is rushing through your head so fast you can’t hear anything else. All you are aware of is that your body is tightening up and you’re holding onto your husband with all your might because you’re seconds away from everything just coming undone.

“Baby, I-“

“I know,” Harry breathes, placing heavy kisses to the side of your neck. “Go ahead, baby, come for me. Get m’fingers all wet.”

You groan at his words, the sound of it deep from your throat and you push into his body as you feel everything in yours just let go.

“Yeah, baby, feel so good ‘round me,” Harry groans, keeping at pushing his fingers inside of you even as you clench around them through your orgasm. “You’re so fucking hot.”

A giggle is punched out of you through a lengthy sigh and it turns into a moan as your orgasm continues to push through you. Your head falls back on your shoulders once again and Harry takes that opportunity to attach his mouth to the exposed skin of your collarbones. You moan desperately, clawing at his back and rolling your hips up into his hand until it all becomes too much and you have to push him away.

“Oh my god,” you whine, your entirety relaxing and falling limp in your husband’s hold as your climax subsides a bit.

Harry trails kisses up your throat until he’s got his mouth on yours again in a frantic, deep, kiss that’s all tongue and very wet. You both moan into it, your teeth clanking into each other when you both try to deepen the kiss. It’s so messy and uncoordinated that if you didn’t know any better you’d assume it was your first kiss ever. But, you wouldn’t want it any other way. That desperation, that yearning, to be so connected to one another is what keeps you going.

You cry out a little, the noise happily swallowed by Harry, as he pulls his fingers out of you as carefully as he can. He kisses you through your tiny, blissed out moans, and you feel his wet fingers trail down the leg you have wrapped around him until he gets a good grip on your knee. He’s careful to lower your leg and he makes sure you’re completely steady on your feet before he’s pulling away from you. His hands come up to cradle your face as your body sags against the soundboard now that he’s too far away, which really isn’t that far, to be of support.

Your chest is still heaving and the way his blown out eyes stare you down, sends a whole new round of tingles through your body- right to the pit of your tummy. There’s a tinge of wonderment behind the lust set ablaze in his eyes and you can just feel the admiration he has for you in his gaze. It makes you flush, your still hot body, only heating up further at it.

“You make the prettiest of sounds.” He compliments, running his thumbs over your heated cheeks. “The prettiest of melodies to exist.” A kiss to your nose. “Better than anything I could ever create.”

“Harry..” You sigh, your eyes slipping closed at his praise. Your heart stutters in your chest even with how fast it was already beating, your orgasm still trailing through your bloodstream.

“Got the prettiest wife.”

You smile at him, reaching out to place your hand on his bare chest. His heart is beating wildly under your palm. You go to compliment him, let him know he’s the most handsome husband but he doesn’t give you the chance as he swoops down to shove his tongue into your mouth with a languorous kiss that pulls a moan right out of you.

“Do you think you got what you needed for the song?” You break away from the kiss with a gasp to ask. Harry is unrelenting with his mouth though, continues on kissing down your jaw- riling you up all over again quickly.

“No.”

You gasp when he sucks harshly on a spot you know he marked up earlier with how sensitive it is now. You’re quick to thread your fingers through his hair and pull him away from you. He moans, far more riled up than you and you know he’s getting desperate for a release as well.

“What do you mean, no.”

“I already had my fingers in you when I realized I hadn’t pressed record on my laptop. I wasn’t going to stop.” He huffs, going back for your neck. You instinctually tilt your head to give him room.

You round your hands on his hips, dipping them into the back of his pants and under his boxes where you grip at his ass to pull him flush up against you. His pretty pink lips part in a gasp as he pulls back to look at you. His eyes are set ablaze and he looks absolutely ravenous. You clench around nothing at the look.

Pulling at the front of his pants, you look up at him through your lashes, “Good thing you have another way to get even better noises out of me.”

“Fuck,” Harry rasps, his knees buckling a little. “Fuck, I love you so much.”

“You better press record this time,” you whisper as you lick a stripe up the side of his neck until you reach just below his ear, “baby.” And you palm at him over the front of his pants.

A groan, from deep in his chest, filters out through Harry’s parted lips as he squeezes his eyes shut momentarily.

He surges forward and places a hard kiss to your lips before pulling away just as quick. “Get your cute ass on that couch, I’ll make sure we get all the sounds, darling.”

With another kiss to your lips, he lets you go so you can get yourself to the couch while he gets his laptop set up correctly to be able to record what audio he needs to. He lets you part with a light smack to your ass and a giggle as he watches you feign hurt at the swat. A giddy feeling rushes through you both at the thought of becoming one entity again.

As you settle on the couch, you try and get your heart to settle down enough to get your breathing at least a little under control, but the more you watch your beautiful husband fumble around with his recording equipment you know the attempt is futile. You love him so fucking much. You love everything about him. You love the anticipation you feel whenever you look at him and he looks back at you because you know he has just as much love for you as you do for him. You love that everything between the two of you is mutual.

Just like now, the way he’s looking at you over his shoulder, you know he’s about to worship every inch of you and he knows that you’ll happily return that worship. The small smirk resting on his lips is enough to let you know he’s feeling every bit of rushing emotions that you’re feeling.

You smile at one another and you know for certain that he’s always going to create something for you, about you, and with you. And you’ll be there to help.

“Wait, you think my ass is cute?”

The tinkling laughs you both let out make it into the final version of the song, right at the end where it all perfectly fades out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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blue-slxt · 8 months

Text

Our Song Cord: Nobody Gets Out of Love Alive

(Chapter 4)

🔞Minors Do Not Interact🔞

A/N: Time to finally get to the plot point that inspired this whole fic for me lol. This idea just came smack outta nowhere and it wouldn't leave my brain until I got it down so I hope you guys enjoy it. Every chapter title is a song reference, so if you know the song, you get a cookie. I really really appreciate feedback so comments and reblogs are heavily encouraged. All characters are aged up.

Series Masterlist

Previous Part | Next Part

Pairing: Neteyam x Fem!Omatikaya!Reader

Warnings: Reader Making Poor Life Decisions, Kiri Being the Best, Mentions of Smut, Cheating? (If you squint), Friends to Lovers, Angst, Misunderstandings, Mentions of Pregnancy

Word Count: 5.2k

Summary: Consequences and misunderstandings.

There’s a distinct shift in you and Neteyam’s relationship over the next week or so. In public, you both give the appearance of best friends. Partners in crime that do everything together just like everyone had always known you to. But in private, you more often than not spent your time as a sweaty, heaving pile of intertwined limbs. Even after the end of your heat, the two of you still couldn’t seem to keep your hands off of each other.

Neteyam, in particular, was getting bolder with his affection. It would be a small brush of his tail against yours, his hand lingering on the small of your back during actual training sessions, or even a quick sneaky kiss he’d press against your cheek when no one was looking. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t absolutely adore all the attention he showered you with. Your heart called out for him in a way that was unfamiliar to you, but it hit you with a force strong enough to make the blood all rush to your head. Your body craved him deeply as if he was the very air you needed to fill your lungs. But the revelation of all these feelings did complicate things.

The reality was, Neteyam didn’t belong to you. And soon, he was going to belong to someone else. You felt ashamed every time you would see Layao shoot him a smile or let her hands trail over his arms and you would feel your gut twist with nausea.

You knew that this arrangement you had with Neteyam was going to be coming to an end soon as his ceremony was coming in just a couple days. But it was the fact that your time was running out that made you want him that much more. To steal these small moments with him more often. Build more memories to hold on to like a security blanket. She would have him for the rest of their lives, you should be allowed these last few days.

And what an eventful few days it was. The two of you would see each other every single night. You would spend hours experimenting with new positions and possible kinks. You’ve both discovered a lot about each other and yourselves. You’ve lost count of how many times you’ve had him spit in your mouth. The thought of such a thing before would have disgusted you, but when you hold your head back and mouth open still holding some of his cum on your tongue and you watch that steady stream roll from his tongue to yours, you swear you’ve never tasted anything more delicious in your life. And Neteyam loves having you on top. He loves being able to watch your head fall back and release so many sweet, dirty sounds while your tits bounce with your every move.

And as much as you loved fucking him, you equally loved the tender way he’d hold you afterwards. You’d lay your head on his chest listening to his heartbeat and he’d kiss the top of your head while cooing sweet words to you. On several nights, the two of you would lose track of time and have to scramble to make it back home before everyone else woke up. It was a risky arrangement, but that just added to the thrill of it all.

But now, Neteyam’s ceremony is in 2 days and you can’t help the deep sense of dread you feel lurking just under the surface. It causes your vision to go unsteady and your stomach churn when you wake up in the morning. Suddenly, you’re rushing out of your home and to a nearby bush coughing up your stomach contents. It burns your throat and leaves a disgusting taste in your mouth. Your body feels weak trying to walk back to your home. You quickly rinse your mouth out with some water you have and decide it’s probably smart to go to the healing tent and be checked just to be totally sure that you’re not coming down with a cold. Hopefully, they have something that will settle your stomach.

When you walk into the healing tent you look around for any familiar face. “Kiri? Tsahik?” Footsteps shuffle over to you and it’s Layao. “Oh, sorry, I was just looking for Kiri or Mo’at.”

“Oh, they’re out gathering herbs. Are you alright? Is it something I can help you with?” Her voice is sweet and her expression is gentle. Another churn of your stomach plagues you as you fight to swallow back down the bile building in your throat.

“W-well, I woke up not feeling very well. I just wanted to be sure I wasn’t getting sick.”

“I can definitely help you. Mo’at has been training me more in these kinds of things. Come, sit.” She gently holds your wrist and leads you to sit on a mat nearby. You try to take deep breaths to help ease the erratic beating of your heart. Your eyes study her as she pulls out a small, sharp bone similar to the one that Mo’at keeps with her. Her voice is still gentle when she approaches you.

“It’s just going to be a little prick.” She pokes just barely through your skin and brings the tip of the bone up to her lips and lets her eyes close while she listens for Eywa.

After only a few seconds, her eyes shoot open and she smiles brightly at you. “You are with child. You have been blessed.”

A ringing in your ears starts. “I’m sorry, that must be a mistake. A child?” “It is no mistake. I have done this several times now. Eywa is going to bless you and your mate with a precious baby.” She clasps her hands together showing her genuine excitement for you.

Your chest tightens with a mix of emotions.

“I did not know that you had a mate already. I’m sure he will be overjoyed to know!” she places a hand on your shoulder and you do your best to not recoil from her touch.

“This is big news. I should go so I can rest. Uh, thank you.” You say starting to stand up.

“Oh, wait.” She turns to fidget with a myriad of different bowls and herbs and things behind her. “Here. These should help with the nausea and weakness.” She says as she places a small sack of herbs in your hands.

“Thank you. I should get going.”

The walk back to your home feels like it passes by in a blur. Your mind can’t process anything properly right now. A baby…you were going to have a baby. Neteyam’s baby.

‘Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!’ is your initial reaction. You flop down on your sleep mat and stare blankly ahead. What are you supposed to do?

You look down at your stomach and, all of a sudden, you’re hit with a wave of overwhelming affection. You hold a hand lightly just under your navel and let it sink in that there’s a little manifestation of your love growing inside of you.

But how are you supposed to tell Neteyam? This would completely derail his arrangement with Layao. You don’t want to cause any trouble or embarrassment for anyone.

While you’re lost in thought, there’s a knock on the post outside the entrance to your home. You jump at the sound, but relax a little when you see that it’s only Kiri. “Hey, Kiri.”

“Hey, Layao told us you came by the tent.”

“Oh, yeah. I wasn’t feeling good when I woke up so I just came to get checked.” The apprehension is written all over your face and Kiri can sense it.

“She told us about…” she doesn’t finish her sentence but gestures to your stomach.

“Ah, I see.”

Kiri comes closer to you and crouches next to you. “Don’t look so excited.” She jokes. You know she’s trying to cheer you up, but there’s too much anxiety storming in your mind right now.

“So, who is the lucky guy? Is it Aykxo? I saw you talking with him a while ago. He’s quite the catch.”

You try to quickly compose yourself when you turn your head away from her, but the quiver in your lip shakes your voice as it comes out. “No. It is not Aykxo. But I can’t say.”

Her eyebrows furrow in confusion. “If it’s not Aykxo, then who else would it be? The only other person I ever see you with is Net—“, she cuts her own sentence short when the circuits connect. When she goes silent, all you can do is look at her. Her expression shifts from shock to pity. “Oh no.”

“You can’t tell him, Kiri.”

“You’re joking. Please tell me you’re not serious. How did this happen? When? Is that why you’ve been out so late together every night? And all the marks on you? Oh, Eywa, I think I’m going to be sick!” You can barely register Kiri’s rambling when your head falls into your hands and the tears start to well in your eyes.

She pauses and takes a breath when she notices your small sniffles. She places an arm around your shoulders. “What are you planning to do?”

“I can’t tell him. It would ruin everything for him. I can’t do that to him.”

“But this is his baby. He’ll want to be there for you. He has to know. Besides, what are you going to tell him when your belly starts growing?”

She’s right. And you know she is. Of course, Neteyam deserves to know and you know that he would want to be there, but the fear of what this could do to your relationship is too great in your heart. It’s one thing for him to reject you, but to turn away you and your baby would utterly crush you.

“I haven’t thought that far ahead, but I can’t tell him, Kiri. I can’t. And you can’t either. Nobody can know.”

“Fine. I won’t say anything. But he should know. This baby is as much his as it is yours.”

You huff out a breath trying to decide on the best course of action.

“Do you need anything?” she asks still holding onto you.

“Just time.” You say plainly.

“Alright. Consider it done.” She responds in a very matter-of-fact tone.

You watch her in confusion as she stands and makes her way out of your home before you even have the chance to ask her what she means. Instead, you fall on to your back on your sleep mat and stare up at the sky musing to yourself about your situation.

…

This might be a mistake. When Neteyam asked you earlier if the two of you were still meeting tonight, every logical part of you screamed at you to make up some kind of excuse to say no. But seeing his hopeful eyes and that damned smile that defied all logic, you couldn’t find it in you to turn him down.

So, here you stood near the shack waiting. You beat him here tonight since your anxiety was running too high for you to just sit at home.

When you hear a rustling in the nearby bushes, your body tenses feeling him get closer. When Neteyam finally emerges, he’s clearly surprised to see you here first, but happy all the same.

“You’re already here. That excited to see me?” he jokes walking straight to you and wrapping his arms around your middle. He nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck and presses feather light kisses to your shoulder.

By Eywa, how are you not supposed to just soften under his gentle hold? “Teyam?”

“Hm?” he hums in response without moving his face away from your neck.

“Can we just sit together for a while? It’s been kind of a rough day and I just really need you.” Your voice is hesitant and small. But when he pulls back, there’s not even a hint of disappointment there.

“Of course, sevin.”

He’s gotten much more comfortable with things like that too lately. Every now and then, Neteyam will drop in a pet name for you. It makes your heart pound every time, even if you feel like it shouldn’t.

He sits on the ground cross legged and opens his arms out for you in waiting. You smile to yourself before slotting yourself right into his lap facing him and crossing your legs behind his back. You rest your head on his shoulder and he mimics you while rubbing his hand up and down the expanse of your back.

“What is bothering you, syulang?”

If there was ever a time to tell him the truth, this would be it. It should be. And yet, your mouth just opens and closes repeatedly searching for the right string of words.

“I just woke up not feeling really good…” not technically a lie. “And I just keep thinking about this. Soon, you are going to have your mating ceremony and we’ll have to stop this.” It sounds needier to your ears than you’d like for it to. “I mean, you won’t need my help anymore, you know?”

Your attempt at a recovery is unconvincing at best and you just pray that Neteyam won’t pick up on the underlying context. He’d never tell you whether he did or didn’t, though. Neteyam is a smart man. But still, it doesn’t take much more than half a brain and a pair of working eyes to figure out that you had it bad for him. He found it nothing short of adorable how your face would flush when he’d kiss your cheek or how you would stutter and stumble over your words when you’d ask for him to touch you.

“Well, if that is worrying you, then you’ll be happy to know that the ceremony has been postponed.” He says still just mindlessly rubbing his fingertips in shapes on your back.

Instead of happiness, your first emotion is surprise. You pull your face back to be able to look at him to make sure he was being serious. “What? Why?”

He just shrugs his shoulders, “I’m not sure. Apparently, grandmother had a change of opinion and suggested to my parents that we put the whole thing on hold.” “For how long?” “They didn’t say. Just until she is sure again, I guess.”

Your brain tries to figure out what reason Mo’at could possibly have for changing her mind. That was something she rarely ever did. Once she had an idea set in her mind, there was usually no talking her out of it. And, for some reason, your mind keeps flashing back to your conversation with Kiri from earlier.

“Do you need anything?”

“Just time.”

“Alright. Consider it done.”

There’s no way. You thought her demeanor was a little odd, but there’s no way that she managed to pull this off. You try to suppress the small smile that makes its way onto your face. You mentally file away a note to make her the best bracelet your amateur fingers could manage.

Neteyam notices the lift in your expression and it clearly pleases him to see you happy.

“I will always need you. We’ve spent our whole lives together. How could I ever not need you?” The hint of love in his voice and eyes is disarming. How are you supposed to not be completely in love with this man? You place your hands on either side of his face and brush your nose against his with a small giggle. “You are too sweet to me, Teyam.”

For the rest of the night, you both pass your time with just casual conversation. Neteyam tells you what kind of trouble Lo’ak has gotten himself mixed up in lately and you fill him in on the latest gossip among the people. Neteyam isn’t really one for gossip, but he loves seeing how enthusiastic you are with your vivid retellings. Neither of you can keep your hands to yourselves the whole time. You always have to be touching in some kind of way. Sometimes Neteyam has you sit in his lap, sometimes your back is pressed against his chest while you sit between his legs, hand holding, playing with each other’s braids, stolen kisses, longing looks, it’s more intimate than some mated couples.

It’s enough to make you temporarily forget about the tiny truth hiding in your womb behind your still flat stomach.

Once daylight starts threatening to creep in, you both decide to call it a night and sneak back home. Since it’s still so early, you actually accept Neteyam’s offer to walk you home this time. It’s far too early for even the earliest risers to be stirring around so there should be no real harm in it. All the while, your mind is trying to work out the best way to break the news to him. And then comes the fear. You don’t want to lose this. It’s so comfortable and pure and you don’t want to ruin that. But you won’t be able to keep this under wraps for long.

“Thank you for walking me, Teyam. You really didn’t have to.” You say turning to him once you reach your home.

“I know I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. I want to make sure you’re safe. Besides, it gives me an excuse to spend an extra few minutes with you.” His slanted grin exposes one of his fangs and you want to roll your eyes at him, but your smile gives you away. You go to turn and walk in, but you stop when he grabs your hand and turns you back to him. His eyes roam up and down your body and his voice is low. “Will I see you later?”

Fuck, he can’t look at you like that and talk like that. You literally can’t say no to him when he looks at you like that. You have to bite your lip just to keep from screaming. “Sure, Nete.” You say his name in a singsong voice teasing him.

He may laugh, but you know that he not-so-secretly loves it. He steps forward to peck your lips one quick time before finally letting go of your hand and watching you walk inside.

Neteyam knows that he’s in a tricky spot. On the one hand, he feels a deep sense of duty to his family, to his people, and to Layao. But on the other hand, he’d be lying if said he was upset about the arrangement being postponed because that means that he gets to hold on to this fantasy a little longer. He gets to fulfill his duty to his own heart. But which one should take precedent? It’s true he doesn’t want to disappoint his parents or his intended mate, but he can’t picture his future without you. Loving you, mating with you, having you bare his children. Not to mention how you not-so-secretly loved him back. It should be just as simple as that, shouldn’t it? He decided that he needs to have a talk with his father.

…

Rays of light beaming through the spaces of your kelku wake you late in the morning. Your stomach flips and threatens to make you spill, but you choke it back down just barely. This nausea feels like it will be the death of you. But you have daily chores to attend to. With a couple of deep breaths and a couple swigs of water, you settle your stomach enough to make it out of bed and out into the village. Today would be the perfect day to help weave some baskets. You can sit still and you can practice your weaving skills. You take a seat near the other women working on their baskets and use your fingers to slowly form the right intertwining pattern.

It’s tricky for you to say the least. Weaving has never really been your strong suit. Trying to understand the way the patterns and lines all come together to form one cohesive object was beyond you, but you give it your best effort regardless.

You get a little distracted by the feeling of eyes on you. When you look up, you can notice some of the other girls looking at you and whispering amongst themselves. That’s a little odd, but you figure it’s nothing worth worrying about.

“What ya working on?” a familiar voice appears right behind you and makes you jump. When you look, a smiling Kiri is crouched behind you.

“Kiri, you nearly made my heart stop!”

She hides her laugh behind her hand, “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. You were just focusing so hard.” She moves around so that she’s sitting next to you now. “So, how did things go?”

You swallow hard trying to find the right words yet again.

“It went fine. We talked…a lot…about a lot of…stuff” you couldn’t sound more unconvincing if you tried.

“You didn’t tell him yet, did you?” you flinch a bit at her deadpan expression and tone.

“It just wasn’t the right time.” “Well, I’ve made sure that you have plenty of that.”

“So it was you!” your voice gets a little louder before you can really catch it.

��Shhhh, keep your voice down! You said you needed time so I bought you some time. But you only have so long before you’re not going to be able to hide it anymore. Plus, I have no clue how long before my grandmother actually makes up her mind. So, whatever you do, you better do it quickly.”

She’s not wrong. And you’re grateful for her help, but what are you supposed to do? How do you break news like this?

“But what am I supposed to say to him, Kiri? ‘Hey Neteyam, I know you’re supposed to be with Layao but, I’m pregnant with your baby’? How well do you really think that will go?” you ask with all the sarcasm you can muster.

“Very well, actually! Even the blind can see how much my brother loves you. And I mean love loves you. Don’t act like you haven’t noticed.”

Your cheeks get hot and you can only look away from her. “The timing just still feels off. I’ll tell him. I will. I just need to find the right time.”

Kiri sighs deeply next to you, “Fine, but just don’t let it get away from you.”

“Alright.”

…

When Neteyam arrives back at his family’s kelku, only his mother and Tuk are there. Neytiri was prepping meat for their dinner and Tuk was working on weaving a small basket for herself. Neytiri smiles at Neteyam when he walks in. “Welcome home ma’itan. Food will be ready soon.” She says barely taking her eyes off her working hands.

“Where is dad? I need to speak with him about something important.”

“Your father is in a strategy meeting.” She says and finally looks at Neteyam to see the apprehension written all over him. “What is it that’s troubling you?” She finally sets down the meat and her knife while she watches him shift his weight from one foot to the other.

Neteyam considers brushing it off as nothing and coming up with some kind of excuse so he could avoid this conversation with his mother. But then he thinks about it a little deeper. Maybe his mom was the right person to start with after all. While she was always strong and firm, she was also incredibly empathetic when it came to her family. She was often the more level-headed one and more willing to hear them out. He relents with a sigh and walks over to help her with prepping the food for dinner while he talks.

“It is about the arrangement with Layao…I am having some doubts about the whole thing. I understand that she is who you and dad and grandmother have chosen and she is a nice girl, but—”

“But you hold someone else in your heart.” She finishes the thought for him. She was always good at that kind of thing.

He finds himself unable to speak and opts to simply nod his head instead while he continues to work on his slicing. Neytiri places a hand on Neteyam’s face and makes him look at her.

“Layao is a good girl and the two of you together is good for the clan.” Neteyam’s stomach drops hearing this. “But, at the end of the day, you need to do what is good for yourself and if it is this other girl, then Eywa will find a way to make it so.” A small glimmer of hope reappears in Neteyam’s eyes.

“It would not be the first time something like this has happened. It’s how I ended up with your father.” She casually drops in.

Neteyam laughs a little to himself remembering all the times his parents would recall their love story to him and his siblings when they were little. It gave him hope that if things could work out for them this well, then maybe Eywa could make something work out for him too.

Neytiri takes the knife and food from Neteyam, “Go, find your father. It sounds like you need to speak to him.” A ghost of a smile sits on her face and Neteyam perks up a bit feeling a new wave of surety. He offers his mother a kiss on the cheek before jumping up from his spot and heading out to search for Jake.

The clan is alive with the hustle and bustle of everyone going about their day and getting their duties done. In the midst of his search for his father, Neteyam hears a call through the crowd of people.

“Neteyam! There you are!”

When he turns around, Layao is already making her way over to him. He sighs a bit because he doesn’t have time for this right now, but he doesn’t want to be rude to the poor girl. It was already bad enough that he was on his way to call off their arrangement. No need to twist the knife by ignoring her too.

“Layao. Were you looking for me?” he asks putting on his best, most casual smile he can right now.

“Yes, I wanted to give you this. I heard that you like yovo fruit and I figured you could use a snack while you’re going about your day. I’m sure you’re very busy.” Her hand rubs at the back of her neck trying to calm her nerves. Neteyam’s heart breaks for her. She’s truly a sweet girl and she is a catch in her own right, but she just isn’t the one that his heart calls for.

“Thank you. That’s very thoughtful of you.”

“It’s nothing. Have you heard the good news?”

“What news?”

“About your friend. She and her mate are being blessed with a child.” Her excitement is evident, but Neteyam feels like his brain just short-circuited.

“She and her mate? A child?” he reiterates to ensure he heard her correctly.

“Yes! She came to me the other day because she was feeling ill and I received the message from Eywa. Isn’t it exciting? But I didn’t know she was mated already. I wonder if it’s Aykxo. Remember when we saw them talking that one day? And then they disappeared off into the forest together after eclipse. It has to be, right? That’s what everyone else is saying.” her smile grows wider while she theorizes about the origin of your unborn baby and the secret of your lover.

Now, Neteyam is the one who’s feeling ill. This couldn’t possibly be true, could it? You would have told him…wouldn’t you?

…

Nerves consume you as you lean against the tree near the shack. Neteyam is late. He usually would be here by now and Neteyam is never one for being late. Maybe he got caught by someone trying to sneak off and he needs more time to get away. Your foot is involuntarily tapping the ground trying to release some of the tension in your body. Suddenly, you hear rustling through the bushes and can faintly make out dramatically swaying braids in the dark.

“Teyam! I was starting to worry that you weren’t coming tonight.” You greet him with a smile and walk towards him as he breaks through the foliage. When you approach him, he takes a step back from you. Your face falls. Neteyam has never avoided your touch before. Especially not recently. Usually, his hands are drawn to you like moths to a flame the second he lays eyes on you.

“What’s wrong?”

His jaw clenches and he’s avoiding looking you in the eye. This isn’t like him at all.

“Neteyam!” your voice gets a little louder urging him to finally look at you and say something. When he does look at you, the sight makes your heart break. His eyes are red and filling with tears and there’s a deep sadness tainting his otherwise flawless face.

“Teyam?” your voice is just above a whisper stepping towards him. Your hand is about to rise to touch his face, but his hand gently stops yours by your wrist.

“Is it true?”

You almost can’t even hear the question with how low his voice is.

“Is what true?” “Are you pregnant?”

Silence. Your entire body stills. It feels like even your lungs have frozen in place and stopped your breath all together. His eyes study your face waiting for some kind of sign or an answer. But, in truth, your silence says it all.

“Is it Aykxo’s?” his voice wavers ever so slightly when he speaks.

“Who did you hear that from?”

“That’s what everyone is saying. And I know you went off with him that night you went into heat.” The hurt in his voice is evident. You want nothing more than to deny it; to tell him the truth. But when your mouth falls open to speak, you can’t seem to find words.

“What’s worse is that you didn’t even tell me. I had to hear it from someone else.”

“Who did you hear it from?” “What does that matter? The point is that it should have come from you.” His voice is more firm with the hurt giving way to agitation.

“Teyam, I wanted to tell you, but it’s complicated…” tears start to well in your eyes ready to spill at a moment’s notice.

“No kidding. And to think, I thought you might actually…” a small sob breaks his sentence and he has to pause to take a breath and recompose himself. “Never mind. I don’t know what I expected. This whole thing was always supposed to be just temporary anyways so why don’t we just cut it here? We’ve got all we needed out of each other so no need to continue anymore.”

“Tey, please don’t do this. Just let me explain—”

“Congratulations on your child.” He turns and walks back through the dense bushes and branches and disappears right before your eyes.

The shock finally subsides and the despair flows through you. Your knees give out and you fall to the ground with tears cascading down your face. Sobs rack your body as you hold your stomach. It’s your worst nightmare come true. The man you love has renounced you and your baby. The baby that you didn’t have the courage to tell him belonged to him. That you belonged to him. Looking down at your belly, you quietly promise your baby that the two of you will make it through this…somehow.

Taglist: @soleilmoon @netemoon @fifia-writes @strangersav11

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#avatar #avatar the way of water #neteyam #neteyam sully #neteyam x reader #avatar fic #awow #neteyam x na'vi!reader #atwow #atwow neteyam #avatar twow #avatar neteyam #neteyam te suli tsyeyk'itan #avatar smut

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discount-shades · 1 year

Text

Sleepy Baby Part 7

a/n: I’m glad so many people are enjoying this little story. It seems to have a life of its own in my brain.

Pairing: Jake “Hangman” Seresin / Reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1500 ish

Summary: You meet the rest of the Dagger Squad.

Previous Masterlist Next Our Song

The feel of lips on your shoulder wakes you. You go to roll over but find you are held tight in Jake’s arms. He is a solid weight behind you and has even tangled his legs with yours so you can’t move your legs. “Jake?”

“I told you I would have a better way of waking you if I was here,” Jake's voice is raspy with sleep and you can feel goosebumps rising as he returns to kissing the soft skin of your shoulder.

“You feared me hitting you with a pillow when you woke me so much you pinned me down?” When your half hearted attempt to pull your hand out of his fails you relax back into his embrace.

“No, that's just a bonus.” He gives you a peck on the cheek while he relaxes his hold on you. “You move in your sleep lots and I kept getting hit with elbows and knees.” You carefully roll over so you are facing him. “See, in your sleep you are not that careful when you roll,” he is grinning. “I think I have bruises.”

“You could have just moved away.” You think of Ian and how he would always make a point to say he had to move away from you while you slept.

“I’d rather be close to you.” Jake’s eyes move around your face and you blush. You lean forward and give him a soft kiss on the lips before getting out of bed.

“I’m going to shower and then we can make breakfast,” you tell him stretching. His eyes light up as they follow your body as you arch your back.

“Do you want company in there?” Jake's eyes meet yours and he waggles his eyebrows. You grab your pillow and hit him in the face with it in reply. His laughter follows you into the bathroom as you close the door.

After your shower you wander into the kitchen and find Jake, dressed in yesterday's clothes, flipping pancakes. “You didn’t have to do that,” you tell him as you walk up to him and wrap your arms around his waist.

He turns and gives you a kiss on the head. “I needed something to do when you wouldn't let me wash your back.”

“Yeah,” you roll your eyes, “because that's what you wanted to do in there.”

”You are prone to such indecent thoughts,” he grins down at you before giving you a peck on the lips. “I like it.”

When the pancakes are eaten the two of you clean the kitchen together. It takes longer than it should because Jake keeps pulling you into his arms for a hug or a kiss any time you are in arm's reach of him. When Jake finally has to leave he pulls you into his arms for a final kiss goodbye.

“Are we still on for later this afternoon?” He asks, referring to a barbeque being hosted by Maverick. You nod and he sneaks another kiss. “I can’t wait for everyone to meet you. I’ll pick you up at 2:00.”

You wave to Jake as he drives away and bite your lip. You are nervous to meet his coworkers. You haven't hung out with a group of people in over a year and you have also never had to meet the friends of a significant other before.

Jake will sometimes talk about his coworkers, but with everyone having a call sign as well as a first and last name you have a hard time keeping them straight in your head. You hope putting names to faces will help.

…

Hours later Jake places his hand on your lower back in reassurance, when he notices your nervous energy. “Don’t worry,” he whispers as you walk through the gate into Maverick’s backyard. “They’ll love you.” You smile back wanly and nod, taking a deep breath.

Jake introduces you to Maverick and Penny first. “So you found her,” Penny laughs at Jake. “You know he bribed me to call him if you ever came back to the Hard Deck?” She tells you, “He offered to buy the bar a round if I called.”

“I did not know that,” you say, turning to Jake and watching the faint hint of a blush on his cheeks. “But it doesn’t surprise me.”

“He also tried to convince me to remove In the Navy from the jukebox,” she grins, “I refused so you can play it for him again when he needs it.”

“Don’t give her ideas,” Jake says, pulling you away as you laugh, “she doesn't need any help.”

The next half hour is a rush of names and faces as Jake introduces you to everyone. You soon find yourself a spectator of an argument over who is the best pilot. Jake and Bradley are arguing using terms that you are unfamiliar with and you watch with wide eyed confusion, eyes flitting between the two.

“Why don’t we just vote,” Natasha suggests with a roll of her eyes.

“No, it’s not a popularity contest.” Jake insists. “Quantitatively I’m better.”

Bob turns to you. “Who do you think is the better pilot?” he asks you.

Your eyes go even wider. “I don’t know,” you answer, surprised at being brought into the conversation.

“Well that’s not fair,” Bradley pouts, “She will never pick me.” crossing his arms.

Natasha grins at you, “Come on, who do you think needs the ego boost out of these two?” She motions to the two men now looking at you.

You laugh, “probably neither of them.”

“Yeah but one of us is better,” Jake insists, putting his arm around your waist with a cocky grin. “Come on Kisses, who's your favorite pilot?”

You look into Jake's eyes and can see the exact moment he realizes you are not going to give the answer he wants and he sighs and rests his head on your shoulder.

“Snoopy.” Jake bursts out laughing at your response.

“Who the hell’s call sign is Snoopy?” Bradley asks in confusion.

“Charlie Brown's dog,” you tell him, rolling your eyes. “He flies a Sopwith Camel and is a World War I Flying Ace.”

Bradley blinks at you in consternation. “You can't pick a cartoon dog,” he insists, “what did you even base that decision off of?”

“He’s the cutest,” you tell him grinning. “Jake is second cutest.”

“I’m not entertaining this,” Bradley sighs in defeat as he walks away. Jake grins down at you.

“I have no problem being second to Snoopy," he tells you. Walking you over to some chairs before leaving to get some drinks.

Javy walks over and sits next to you. “We were all relieved when he found you.” Javy chuckles at your startled face. “Jake is about as subtle as a brick through a window when he likes someone.”

“He talks about me?” The thought gives you a warm feeling inside and you can't help the grin on your face.

“Incessantly.” Javy says with an eye roll. “He is much less mopey since he found you. He’s crazy about you.”

“Yeah, I kinda get that feeling too,” you say watching Jake walk back to you with a big smile and two drinks in his hands.

“I know Jake better than anyone, he’s my best friend,” Javy says, turning your attention back to him. “If you are not in it for the long hall you are going to break his heart.”

“I don’t want to break his heart,” you answer in a whisper.

“Just make sure you and he both know where you stand,” Javy replies before getting up. “Here, Jake, take my seat I’m going to bug Phoenix.”

Jake hands you your drink before sitting down. “That conversation looked serious.”

“He was telling me all your secrets,” you joke back.

Jake groans, “Don’t say that, Javy knows my secrets.”

When the fire is lit in the evening you find yourself curled in Jake's lap with his arms around you so everyone around the fire can have a chair. Everyone is laughing at you over how you had no idea the Navy had pilots when you met Jake.

“I didn't live near a base before!” you insist. “And the only other person who mentioned Navy Pilots to me was a four year old boy who wanted to be one when he grew up and I just assumed he was mistaken.”

“Imaginary kitten boy?” Jake asks.

“No, Wears his shoes on the wrong feet and stumbles into everything boy,” you reply. “He is not a child that inspires any confidence that he knows what he is talking about.”

“No kid that age knows what they’re talking about,” Maverick pipes up from across the fire. “Bradley’s dream was to be a firetruck when he was about the same age.”

“You know what,” Bradley says over all the laughter, “I stand by that dream.”

#jake seresin #jake hangman seresin #jake hangman x reader #jake seresin/reader #jake seresin x reader #top gun fanfiction #top gun x reader #topgun maverick #topgun hangman #hangman/reader #top gun hangman #hangman top gun #hangman #hangman fluff #hangman x reader

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storiesforallfandoms · 7 months

Text

look at me ~ bo burnham

word count: 2323

request?: yes!

“so you already know that inside: the outtakes has gotten so many people back into their bo thing. me included. sooooo i was thinking, he’s a big guy, ya know👀 so my lil brain was doin some thinkin (not at all while horny) and it came up with this: bo fucking you in front of a mirror!! he’s holding you up, fucking you from behind, saying things like ‘look at how much of a pretty little whore you are for my cock’. just, please please please do your thing and make this something great🥹”

description: after a long day of filming his special, he finds himself pent up and wanting to release his aggressive sexual energy, so he decides to take his girlfriend in the first place he finds her: in the bathroom in front of the mirror

pairing: bo burnham x female!reader

warnings: swearing, smut

masterlist (one, two, three)

Bo had a lot of feelings surrounding the filming of his quarantine special. At first he was upset over having to cancel his plans of returning to live performances, but then the idea of filming, editing, directing, lighting, etc., his own special seemed exciting. And getting back into writing comedy felt almost therapeutic. The longer quarantine went on, though, the more his mental health struggled. He was enjoying creating, but he hated that this was how he had to create. And he hated how much he struggled to make everything perfect.

But more than anything, he was unbearably horny. To a point where he was writing extremely horny bits into the special.

It was his own doing really. Bo would spend every day - from the moment he woke up to the moment he fell asleep - working on the special. Most nights, that was late enough that his girlfriend, (Y/N), would be fast asleep. Other nights, he felt too mentally exhausted to try and initiate sex.

He felt guilty for the quality time he was losing with her by working all day, but (Y/N) was incredibly supportive. She would check on him every day to make sure he was doing okay, occasionally bringing him food so he would eat. She’d get him to take little break every now and then before going back to long hours of working on the special. Bo felt extremely grateful to have her in his life. But man, did he ever miss being intimate with her.

He was sat in this guest house one evening, editing his most recent bit, which was a song about sexting. His mind was on (Y/N) as his own voice played through the speakers. He thought about how badly he wanted to hold her, feel her body against his, her warm walls around him. His horniness was definitely trickling into his work and it was something he needed to fix soon or else he felt like he might explode.

Bo stood and looked out the window that faced towards his house. He could see a light on in the room that belonged to him and (Y/N), signaling that she was still awake. He quickly rushed out of his guest house, leaving the unedited song running.

(Y/N) was in the ensuite bathroom getting ready for bed. She had peaked out to the guest house to check on Bo. The lights were off besides a dull blue light that she assumed was Bo editing another bit. She had sighed to herself before going to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. As proud as she was of Bo for working on this special all on his own, she really did miss getting to spend time with him. Their bed felt too empty without him.

She was leaned over the sink, washing her face, when she suddenly felt two arms wrap around her. She let out a yelp and stood up quickly to see Bo’s towering figure behind her in the mirror. He buried his head in the crook of her neck, lightly kissing the area, causing her heart to flutter for a different reason.

“Hey,” she said. “You finished up early tonight.”

“I can’t standing being away from you anymore,” he responded. “It’s getting too hard to not have you in my arms.”

“That’s not the only thing that’s hard,” she teased.

Bo chuckled and grinded his hard, clothed dick against her. “You got me there.”

He continued to kiss her neck as he pressed himself against her. She lulled her head to the side, giving him more access to her neck. She closed her eyes and sighed. His hands moved from around her waist, one going upwards to cup one of her breasts and the other moving down between her legs. Her breath hitched as he teased the waistband of her pajama pants.

“Is this okay?” he asked, his hot breath fanning over her ear in a way that sent a shiver down her spine. She nodded in response. “I need to hear you say it, baby.”

“Yes,” she breathed. “Yes, please Bo.”

Bo grinned and nibbled on her ear as his hand dipped under her waistband. He ran a finger through her folds, teasing her clit with a feather-light touch.

“You’re already so wet,” he whispered. “Desperate for me to you, baby?”

“Yes,” (Y/N) whimpered. “I’ve missed your touch so much.”

“I’ve missed touching you. You don’t understand how much I’ve missed having you. I think about being inside of you practically every waking moment, and when I’m sleeping too.”

She moaned as he finally applied pressure to her clit. He rubbed slow circles into the bundle of nerves as he continued to kiss over her neck. He nipped at the sensitive skin, leaving red marks in his wake that he really hoped would turn into hickies. There was something so hot to him about marking (Y/N) in a way that other people would see and know she was his. He slipped his hand under her shirt to cup and knead at her breasts, one at a time, making her nipples pop out underneath his fingers.

(Y/N) was a moaning mess; putty in Bo’s hands. He was essentially holding her up at that point as she was leaning back against him, her legs wobbling to a point where she wasn’t sure she could stay up much longer.

“Are you close already?” Bo asked. “I can feel you trembling.”

“I-I’m s-so close,” she said.

“Open your eyes, baby. I want you to look at me while you cum.”

She pried her eyes open to look into the mirror. Bo’s eyes were staring back at her, dark with lust. It was hard to keep them open as her orgasm washed over her. Her legs just about gave out from under her as she cried out. Bo held her, smirking to himself as she trembled in his arms. He whispered praises into her ear as she came down from her high.

“I need you,” he whispered. “Right here, baby, please.”

“The bed is just a few steps away,” she teased.

“I can’t wait. I’m a slight breeze away from cumming in my pants.”

She giggled and turned her head to kiss him. She reached back to run her hands through his long hair. At first, she wasn’t a fan of the idea of Bo growing out his hair and facial hair, but now, with his beard leaving a tickling sensation in its wake and his long hair giving her something to hold on to, she suddenly loved it.

Bo broke away from the kiss to shove (Y/N) down over the bathroom counter. He pulled her pants and underwear down around her ankles, helping her to step out of them and kicking them off to the side. He let his own pants fall to the floor as well, his hard dick springing free from his pants. He took it in one hand and ran it through (Y/N)’s drenched folds, collecting her slick to use as his own lube. (Y/N) bit down on her lip as she whimpered, but couldn’t contain her moans once Bo pushed the head of his dick against her entrance. He easily slid his cock into her, slowly moving inwards until he was buried at the hilt inside of her. He dropped his head against her back, groaning at the sensation. It was a feeling he had been longing for, and now that he had it he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to last.

He slowly pulled himself out halfway before slowly thrusting back into her again. The head of his dick so easily nudged her g-spot that it made her already shaky legs even more wobbly every time he thrust inwards. She held on to the counter, digging her nails into it with such a grip that she thought she was going to break the counter.

Bo kissed over (Y/N)’s neck and what he could reach of her face again. “Can I start fucking you, princess?”

She nodded, unable to speak. Bo took that as enough of an answer for him this time and started thrusting into her at a quicker speed. He held on to her hips as he slammed into her, the sound of their skin slapping together filling the room. (Y/N)’s mind went blank, the only thing she could think of being Bo, Bo, Bo! She cried out his name, a sound more beautiful than any song Bo had ever heard.

“I might not last long,” he told her. “Do you think you can give me one more before I shoot this hot load inside you, baby?”

“Yes!” she cried. “Yes, yes, yes.”

It became a chant, like that was the only word she knew.

Bo smiled and put his hand around her throat, pulling her up so that she was flush against his chest. He continued thrusting at his brutal pace while reaching his other hand between her legs to rub her clit again.

“Look at how much of a pretty little whore you are for my cock,” he said. “God, you look so fucking hot, falling apart for me like this.”

Her eyes were rolling in the back of her head, which clearly was not what Bo wanted. He squeezed her throat slightly, just enough to block her airways and make her lightheaded.

“I said look at me,” he growled into her ear. She opened her eyes and looked into the mirror. He smiled at her. “Good girl. Look how fucking good you look, all cock drunk for me like this.”

Her eyes were hooded, threatening to close again, and her mouth was in a permanent “O” shape as her body bounced with every thrust. Bo looked like a man on a mission, watching her face intently as he rubbed ruthlessly at her clit and thrusted hard into her. He took his bottom lip between his teeth, a sight which just drove her further over the edge.

She didn’t have to tell him this time that she was close. Actually, she didn’t even have time to tell him. Her second orgasm hit her quickly and intensely. Her vision clouded for a moment and her entire body felt heavy. Bo wrapped an arm around her lower stomach, keeping her up for his last few thrusts before he also hit his own climax. He buried his head in her neck again, muffled groans tumbling from his lips as he gave a few more shallow thrusts.

They were both panting and sticky with sweat once they finally started coming down from their highs. Bo was reluctant to pull out, but he could feel himself becoming soft and slipping from between her legs. (Y/N) gasped as she felt the hot trail of cum running down her legs.

“Let me clean you up so you can finally lay down,” Bo said.

He reached past her to grab the face cloth she had been using early and ran warm water over it again. Turned her so she was facing him and knelt down in front of her to wipe her legs and between them. He planted a kiss on both of her inner thighs, causing her to twitch a little from overstimulation. When he stood again, he discarded the cloth onto the floor and took (Y/N) into his arms. She giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck as he carried her to bed.

He laid her down first before crawling into bed next to her. He took her into his arms, reveling in the feeling of her warm body against his. It had been so long since they had been able to fall asleep together. He rarely tried to cuddle her when he came into bed after she had fallen asleep in fear that he would wake her.

“Are you done working for the night then?” (Y/N) asked, her voice soft and sheepish.

“Definitely,” he decided. “This takes so much more precipitant than working on that stupid special.”

“Hey, it’s not stupid. I think it’s going to be really good.”

Bo chuckled and kissed the top of her head. “You haven’t even seen any of it.”

“I saw that one that was a parody of Drake’s music.”

“Eh, I’m thinking of cutting that one. I don’t even like it all that much.”

“Don’t do that! It’s my favorite one!”

He squeezed her slightly and kissed her again. “Okay, no promises, but I’ll try my best to put it in.”

“Thank you.”

They laid in silence for a while. It was quite comforting. Bo never wanted to leave the bed. He just wanted to hold (Y/N) and lay here in the dark and silence.

“I miss this,” (Y/N) whispered into the silence.

Bo sighed. “Me too. I promise I’ll try not to work too late so that we can have these moments more often. And I promise I’ll try to finish the special soon so that I’m not working on it at all anymore.”

“You don’t have to finish it soon if you don’t feel it’s ready, but I would prefer it if you were here in bed with me when I fell asleep at night. It’s not the same to fall asleep in a lonely bed all by myself.”

“I promise. Now get some sleep. I can tell you’re fighting off the unconsciousness.”

(Y/N) shook her head and smiled to herself. Of course he was right, she felt exhausted now after their bathroom activities. Being curled in his warm embrace didn’t help that matter either. She settled herself next to him and closed her eyes, letting the sleep take hold of her. Bo wasn’t too far behind, placing one last kiss on the top of her head before closing his eyes and letting himself drift off to sleep.

#bo burnham #bo burnham imagine #bo burnham x reader #bo burnham smut #imagine #one shot #request #smut #rpf #fanfiction #fanfic #fandom

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rrxnjun · 1 year

Text

i'm not bitter anymore (i'm syrupy sweet) ;; ljn

pairing: lee jeno x fem! reader genre: slight band au, college au | fluff, hurt/comfort wc: 4.8k (4.817) warnings: mentions of alcohol, swearing

a spin-off to my fic i'm not angry anymore (well, sometimes i am) where jeno gets a redemption arc <3

When you first meet Lee Jeno, his exterior calls at you with hard chords that keep slowly burning out. Now, rather than a piercing echo, he holds himself to you like a soft melody.

Lee Jeno sits on his bed, chewing on his bottom lip as he nervously types into the chat he has opened, kicking his leg up and down in a steady, but fast rhythm. Looking around the room for one moment, trying to calm himself down with a loud breath in and out, he glances back at the phone screen and rereads the sentence he wrote over and over again, trying to hear it in his own head, desperately needing the tone to be just right.

hey i thought of you while making this haha

Furrowing his brows, he deletes the words he wrote, huffing out in frustration. He sounds too awkward. Too casual, even. He doesn’t know how these two even go together, but somehow, he managed to do it. He didn’t know he was able to get across two very different emotions in one sentence, but he thinks that this is perhaps his new talent. Maybe he can use it in songwriting someday… if he ever gets back into music, that is.

Fastly typing on the screen, holding in his breath, he changes the sentence from its base and finds himself reading over the new one, trying to figure out if it’s better.

hi! i made you this. listen to it if you have time!

His eyes scan over the words countless times again, hating the way it sounds in his brain. This is too enthusiastic. Too joyful, sounding piercing in his brain. This is not how he wants you to perceive him. Not after all this time, not after all the emotions you’ve awakened in him. Is this the same emotion he used to see in Ryusol’s eyes whenever she used to look at him last year? It’s scary to think that he let her down so much, but he finds comfort in knowing that Yangyang was there to catch her when he let her go. Maybe he wouldn’t be so stupid if he understood this emotion all this time ago. Maybe he wouldn’t have made so many mistakes…

Cracking his knuckles, he rolls his eyes at himself and deletes the message again, promising himself that this is going to be the last attempt. He either nails it, or he doesn’t– in this case, he will keep the whole thing a secret and never attempt to subtly hint you his feelings ever again.

hey y/n :) i made you a playlist

The message is simple. The smiley face gives it more sparkle, a sense of emotion, even. The tone it reads inside of his brain is casual, but with a giving undertone– he hopes it gets through to you in the same way. Adding the spotify link to the playlist he made for you, he finally presses the send button and throws the phone away to the other side of his bed, not wanting to see you react to it in real time. That’s too stressful. He’s not used to the frantic speed of his heart whenever he’s around you yet.

If he really thinks about it, this might be the first time he’s ever tried for someone. All of those times before, girls threw themselves at him at every step he took, every song he used to sing with his band, making countless hopeless hearts break for him when he only stayed with them for one night. He’s never had to try for anyone. He’s never had to do nice things for someone, he’s never had to pay attention to the conversations he was having, he’s never had to give gifts to girls to get them to be with him. They came naturally to him, and he never really cared about their emotions anyway. Love wasn’t something he was inclined to feel, and he never felt the need to have someone by his side for long enough.

Perhaps, he was battling loneliness more effectively– without having to try to make someone stay, he chose to have a different girl every night. It was easier. He never got attached, so it meant that he never had the chance to get his heart broken. Sometimes, he didn’t even realize he was breaking somebody’s heart– he never quite understood how somebody could feel deeper for him, when all they saw was the surface he chose to show to everyone at his concerts and after parties. The first time it dawned on him was when he broke Ryusol’s heart. Maybe that was the moment that opened his eyes.

Lee Jeno thinks he’s never tried for anyone before. In his eyes, this is the first time he’s openly caring for someone.

He doesn’t think about all those times he helped you with your assignments. He doesn’t think about all those times he assured you you looked nice or all those times when he went grocery shopping with you at 8pm, even though he was tired and you lived 20 minutes away. He doesn’t think about all those times he’s given you a ride home and about all those times when he walked you to school, helping you revise for your exams.

It doesn’t click for him when he breaks his habits, even. When he doesn’t try to get you to sleep with him the first night you sleep over at his house when you’re too tired to walk to your dorms, when he doesn’t leave you on read for three days or when he actually listens to what you’re saying, offering advice when needed and being the shoulder for you to cry on when you don’t really feel like solving your problems.

It only clicks for him when he sends you the link to the spotify playlist he made while thinking about you late last night, adding the song he recorded about you and posted to his new solo spotify account last week.

Perhaps Lee Jeno still only expresses himself through music.

Sitting in the university auditorium, Jeno finds himself to be hyper-aware of your presence next to him. You’re sitting in the very last row, accompanied by all of Jeno’s friends– Renjun, Donghyuck, Mark, Jaemin, Chenle and Hendery (even though the band isn’t active anymore and they broke it off for the best for everyone), hell, even Ryusol and Yangyang, even though the boy doesn’t even go to university. It’s kind of surreal how one year can change everything, Jeno thinks; what he thought was the best for him was now broken off, and the friendships he found himself to be mistreating now had stronger bonds than ever.

He wonders how you even ended up in the middle of it all, in the middle of his small galaxy. You two met in the club, where you were working part-time and he often went to drown his feelings away. After he had a falling out with his friends because of the way he was acting when he was too busy with chasing fame with his band, he found himself to be the loneliest he’s ever been, now that he didn’t have the support of others and the screaming rows full of girls that were all over him. Without the band, he often felt like nothing– worthless, not interesting.

But then you came– asking him if he was the Lee Jeno from the band, and if he was feeling alright after the band’s breakup. No one’s ever asked him about it before. It opened up a pit in him, made him cross all his barriers and finally let his feelings take over. It’s mainly on you that he managed to apologize to everyone and realize what he lost.

And ever since that night, he found himself not wanting to let you go.

Nervously kicking his knee up and down, he feels the contact of your hand on his thigh, trying to calm him down. Looking at you from above, he tries to fake a smile as you squeeze his flesh and intertwine your fingers with his, shaking your hands in enthusiasm. Leaning closer to him, you whisper encouraging words into his ear.

“You’re gonna rock it, Jeno.”

Snickering, he shakes his head. “It’s an acoustic set, Y/N. I can’t rock it.”

Rolling your eyes in mock annoyance, you shake your head. “You know what I meant. So stop stressing, you’re a professional.”

It’s been months since Jeno last sang on the stage. His band was no longer in service, but all of his friends and bandmates still encouraged him to join the university’s recital– he was a good musician with a good voice, and his songs had more depth this time around. He almost gets emotional at the growth he’s made, but there’s no time for that when he notices the person in front of him being done with their song, meaning that it’s now his time to shine.

Seconds before he stands up from his place and takes his acoustic guitar with him, you reach over to his hair and ruffle it with admiration. The blush that forms on Jeno’s face is hardly noticeable from the bright lights of the stage, but it still makes Yangyang and Renjun snicker from their seats– they know this state all too well.

Lee Jeno doesn’t realize that now, this is you trying.

No one’s ever tried so subtly for him before.

“So, which one do you wanna watch?” you ask as you stumble around his messy room, getting his laptop and laying next to him on the bed. You’ve been trying to make him watch your favorite movies with you for the last half an hour, and when you finally succeeded after giving him countless options, he insisted that he’s too lazy to get the laptop himself.

Sometimes, he’s a pain in the ass. But more than often, you don’t find yourself caring.

“Hm?” you poke his side as you turn on the computer and type in his password (that you helped him out with when he first got his new laptop. He didn’t know what to set it as and you told him to make it your name as a joke. He hasn’t changed it since.), waiting for him to reply.

“I dunno,” he shrugs, “what do you want to watch the most?”

“I asked you first! I’ve seen most of them already, so I don’t really care much,” you mutter, opening Netflix and turning to him when the pincode comes up, raising your brows up.

“0423,” he mumbles before continuing, “why do you even want to watch movies that you’ve already seen? Isn’t that boring to you?”

“Your pin code is your birthday? That’s… so unsafe,” you mutter as you type it in, shaking your head at your friend’s antics, “and I like watching movies I’ve already seen, because it gives me a new perspective. And also, I like watching your reactions when you watch movies. Your face lights up and stuff, it’s adorable.”

Jeno feels his cheeks getting red again, but he tries to hide it by pulling up the hood of his hoodie, shifting a little in the bed to leave you more space. “Which one have you watched the most times?” he asks.

“Hmm… probably Dirty Dancing,” you muse, grinning, “I’ve seen it like 15 times already.”

“Can we watch that one?” he mumbles, seeing your fingers dancing along the keyboard already, typing the movie title in and searching through the page to find it.

“Why?”

“I dunno… ‘cause it’s obviously your favorite?” he says, not realizing the implication his words have, only stating what he truly means. When you silently click on the movie and let it play, laying next to your friend and putting the laptop onto his lap so you can cuddle into his side, he wonders if this is what all friends do on cold afternoons.

He wonders if there’s something more in the way you wrap your arms around him, if there’s something more in the way you look at him from time to time when your favorite scene of the movie occurs or when you hum the soundtrack under your breath, trying to make him join you just so you could hear his voice. He might have a lot of experience with girls, but when it comes to relationships, he’s utterly clueless.

And when he giggles at the scene with Baby’s sister singing, moving very sternly from side to side, hearing you replicating the scene into his ear almost word-to-word, he doesn’t regret choosing the most corny, romantic movie he’s ever heard of. He might even comply if you asked him to learn the choreography with you. He’s not opposed to anything.

When the movie comes to an end and the final credits roll, he feels a soft peck pressed to his jaw, keeping him from looking at you in fear of not seeing the admiration he so deeply desires to see in your eyes.

He wonders if this was you trying.

“What’s the deal with you and Y/N?” Jaemin asks one day, silent enough to not make the rest of the friend group hear, but loud enough to land in Jeno’s ears and make him look at his friend with shock.

“Nothing…?” he replies, but already feels his cheeks heatening. He despises how his emotions always show in his face. He wants to be cool about everything, but it’s hard to look unbothered when every small thing about you makes his heart race and makes his brain turn into a fuzzy mess.

“Sure,” Jaemin grins with a knowing smile, making Jeno roll his eyes. Of course Jaemin noticed. He always notices first, it seems– the boy has a good nose for human emotion. Perhaps it’s his very well developed sense of empathy. Jeno wonders if he’s good at relationship advice as well, but since you and him aren’t dating, he figures it’s too early to ask.

“Nothing yet, I guess? I don’t know…” Jeno mumbles under his nose, sensing that he can trust Jaemin. The boy knowingly nudges him into his waist, making the older one (by 4 months only, but that’s still something) grunt in mock annoyance.

“Oh would you look at that, our local player finally let his heart soften for someone!” Jaemin exclaims, still paying enough attention to not being too loud, leaving you deep in conversation with Yangyang and Ryusol in the back of the group.

“Stop,” Jeno rolls his eyes, but grins at the comment.

“I love this for you, though. Ever since you’ve known her, you’re different. You’re nicer, you’re paying more attention to others, hell, you don’t even drink anymore. I think this is a good thing,” Jaemin says with an encouraging smile.

“Jaemin, stop talking like my therapist, please,” Jeno mutters, trying hard to compose his expression.

“I mean it, though! It’s… it’s nice to see you actually trying for someone, you know. I hope this works out for you two,” his words are sincere and sweet, leaving Jeno in hesitance. He’s never heard any of his friends encouraging him in a relationship with someone before. He’s never been this close to anyone before, his emotions were never this deep– all of his past encounters with girls were purely sexual, and he can’t even imagine how he could ever live like that.

But before he can open his mouth to reply to Jaemin, he feels your warm hand in his (he doesn’t even have to turn around to know it’s you. He’s not used to the feeling of your hand in his– he just purely senses your presence.), catching him off-guard with the feeling of falling he gets inside of his stomach, suffocating a little.

Looking around at you, seeing you smiling, a sentence of “What are you two gossiping about?” uttered out of your lips, Jeno finds himself content with the state he’s in right now.

It feels good to try for someone.

Noticing you shivering as you two sit in the cafeteria, Jeno finds himself feeling like a worried mum for the first time. Squinting at the open windows, as if he could be mad at inanimate objects for the state they can’t control, he curses in his mind at whoever decided it was a good idea to leave them open in the middle of November.

“Are you cold?” he asks the obvious, seeing you look at him with wide eyes, reminding him of Bambi. A burst of admiration spreads on his insides, but when you reply, he can’t help but glare at you.

“No.”

“What do you mean, no? You keep shivering. You should’ve taken a hoodie with you, you know it gets cold out here,” he mutters, seeing you roll your eyes at him.

“I forgot,” you peep, “but that’s okay. I was stupid and now I have to bear the consequences,” you say, making the boy’s protective instincts kick in once again, finding himself automatically taking off his large hoodie and throwing it into your lap.

“Wear it,” he says.

“But you’re gonna get cold-”

“I can bear the cold. Wear it or else you’ll get sick again, your immune system is more unstable than my mental health. I don’t need you stuck at home with a fever for two weeks again, I’d get bored to death,” he says, trying to reason with you, while also simultaneously trying to make it seem more casual than it felt inside of him.

“Jeno-”

“Can you please just wear it?” he asks, seeing you finally back down, smiling as you put the hoodie on and tug the sleeves down to make the most adorable sweater paws, making the boy coo on the inside.

You look absolutely adorable in his eyes. He never really knew how it feels to see someone you adore in your clothes– while he’s lent his jackets to random girls in the bar countless of times before, it never really held any significance to him. But seeing you in his jacket, drowning in the fabric as he likes his own clothes a little oversized, he can’t help but feel his heart swell with the sight. You should borrow his clothes more often.

Maybe he could “accidentally” leave one at your place once. Maybe you’ll wear it if you find it there. He won’t know about it unless you tell him, but the thought is enough for the boy to go crazy about the imagination.

“You look good,” slips out of his lips, making him instantly curse at himself on the inside. This might just be the corniest situation of his whole entire life– and he’s sent you a playlist before.

Looking at him from under your eyelashes, you almost look shy as you burrow your nose into the fabric of the hoodie, smiling at him. “Thanks.”

“You can… keep it if you’d like,” he hesitantly says, not knowing what’s gotten into him. If Jaemin was here, he’d scream and yell at him for being this awkward with you. He’s known you for quite a few months now– he should already be used to the way you make him feel by now.

You grin at him as you nod, looking away from his eyes and breaking the burning eye-contact. “Okay,” you say.

The table falls silent for a second, both of you too immersed into your own head to register the quietness, when you move in your place and reach towards your hair, dragging the scrunchie that was holding your hair up off your hair, letting your locks fall free on the gray fabric of Jeno’s hoodie. Running your hand through your hair to shake it off a little and give it volume, you turn to Jeno and take his hand into yours before sliding the light-pink scrunchie onto his hand, giggling at the contrast of it against his all-black outfit.

Jeno looks at you with furrowed brows. What’s this supposed to be? Why is your hair tie suddenly on his wrist?

When your eyes lock for a split second, you must notice his confusion. “Keep it,” you say.

And he will. He’s convinced he would keep anything you give him, even if he found no interest in the thing, or if he found the item to be the most unuseful thing in the whole world. It’s from you, so it’s important.

He doesn’t know what the whole action means– he’s too clueless to understand the girl code. He doesn’t know that this was him marking you his, and you letting the world know he’s yours. The item exchange was solely a game of your hearts. A slight push forward to giving this whole thing a new title.

He doesn’t know that this was you trying. But he feels he’s too impatient to keep waiting for signs any longer.

When you first meet Lee Jeno, his exterior calls at you with hard chords that keep slowly burning out.

You never really liked your job at the bar. It was too loud, you came in contact with too many men with high egos that thought they could make your day any better, and you also had nothing else to do than to observe people the whole night. Observing the guests of your bar was one of your favorite activities. Sometimes, you make up a whole story about them in your brain, puzzling the pieces together with a bit of fantasy; sometimes, they come to you and tell you all about their problems and why they chose to drink them away at the bar tonight.

Jeno was no different. You knew about him– because realistically speaking, who didn’t? He had quite the reputation in the town, and you can’t say that the one he had amongst girls he slept with was a good one. You heard all about him from your coworkers– he’s a showstopper, a bad liar, drama starter, a player, fuckboy… you name it, he’s probably been called that name before. And you can’t say you didn’t believe those words, not when you saw him at the bar with that confident smirk of his every other night, but this one evening, when you actually came in contact with the boy, you thought they might have been lying about him just the slightest.

He came to you with a dark look on his face, ordering himself a drink. He seemed out of it– like most days, lately– and you suddenly thought about all the rumors that spread around the town when his band broke up, wondering if they were true and if he really was such a dick everyone made him out to be. His expression is remorseful, the look never leaving his face, and you suddenly catch yourself asking him if he’s okay, met with surprise in his eyes.

You think you must be the first one to ever care about how he feels.

When you first meet Lee Jeno, his exterior calls at you with hard chords that keep slowly burning out. When you get to know him, the contrast between his inside and the act he puts out for everyone to see gets harsher and harsher.

You learn a lot about him over time. They said he was overly-confident when he was starting the band– you just think he was ambitious. They said he was a liar– you just thought he never really had the full picture. They said he was a player– you just thought he never really thought he was playing with anyone’s heart. They all said he would hurt you– you told them you don’t see that happening any time soon.

Nobody believed in him until he put himself back together. Nobody but you.

“I think I’m in love with you,” he whispers into the dark one night, his face illuminated by the show he put up on Netflix to just mumble in the background, when you’re too tired to go back to the campus and choose to stay over at his place, because you sleep better by his side anyway. His words don’t surprise you, if you really think about it– they just fall into place, filling you with a soft harmony, making you 100% content.

Turning your body to him, his expression is nervous and he keeps biting at his lower lip, the habit of pulling at his chapped skin making itself known again like in any situation like this. You don’t even realize there’s a smile spreading on your face, a soft one, to be exact– because that’s how everything with Jeno was so far.

“Can I kiss you?” you reply with a question, catching the boy off guard. Breathless, he nods, letting you completely in, breaking all the walls he’s spent ages building up around himself.

He’s had a lot of experience with girls and you’re sure as hell he’s kissed more than a couple of them in his life before, but when kissing you, he’s as nervous as the first time, a shy boy looking at you from under his eyelashes as you lean closer to him and nudge his nose with yours before connecting your lips together in what feels like a seal of something new.

When you first meet Lee Jeno, his exterior calls at you with hard chords that keep slowly burning out. When you first kiss him, he’s the softest entity.

There’s something unexplainable about the contrast of his dark hair, harsh jawline and the chains on his clothing with the unbearable softness of his kiss, the movement of his lips against yours almost hesitant to get more, afraid of going too far and messing up the moment. The humming of Netflix is no more than a background noise when you pull away from him for just a second, gasping for air and going for more, this time deeper, letting the boy know that he doesn’t have to fear you, that although you’re fragile, in his arms, you have no chance of breaking. His palm, adorned with cold silver on his fingers, comes in contact with your jaw, steading the movement. The touch burns you up, makes you yearn for more, but he still holds you like you’re the finest piece of porcelain, treasuring you so much more than anyone ever before, the drunkenness of being in love with someone completely changing his brain chemistry.

Pulling away from him once again, the state of him takes all air out of your lungs. In the white glow of the TV, Lee Jeno looks up at you with eyes an endless pool of serenity, all wide and glimmering, his lips swollen and parted, aching for more. His cheeks are a little tinted, his raven hair falling into his forehead a little disheveled, his strong features shining with a softened glow, inviting you in for more. You want to keep this image of him forever.

“Thank you for giving me a chance,” he whispers again, into the dark, making the pit in your stomach deepen. He must have felt like everyone gave up on him– like there was no other script for him and he was left with nothing at all. You wonder if he truly thought he would never get a second chance again. You wonder if he really thought he messed it up this bad.

Something about his words makes you want to kiss him again. You lean into him, catching his cheeks into your palms– almost feeling like you’re holding your whole world– and see his eyes flutter close when your breathing fans over his lips, softly taking him in again.

His hands are a little cold when he covers yours, still sitting at his face. “I’m in love with you,” you whisper against his lips, thinking to all the times you wanted to say it but couldn’t, knowing it’s too soon and he’s not ready for it yet. You took things at his pace– he’s never been in a serious relationship before, and you didn’t know if he was prepared to have one, prepared to get attached, prepared to let you stay, when all everyone ever did was leave him. You wonder if the trajectory of his life would have gone differently if his father was still present– even though it’s still only an explanation, not an excuse– but you think you’re perfectly content with watching him grow by your side.

When your lips grow tired of the kissing, you smile against each other’s lips, holding each other close. The vulnerability of it all breaks you into pieces and glues itself together in one swift moment, wanting to treasure this moment forever.

When you first meet Lee Jeno, his exterior calls at you with hard chords that keep slowly burning out. Now, rather than a piercing echo, Lee Jeno holds himself to you like a soft melody.

You’re the first person Lee Jeno ever tried for. But even now, that he’s so sure you’re his and you’re not leaving any time soon, he’s convinced that for you, he’ll always keep trying.

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