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envy-of-the-apple · 5 months

Note

Hello! I love your writing, especially that mad dog Drabble! Could you maybe do something similar for Oikawa? Noncon if you’re comfortable with that too. Thank you so much!

I wrote this awhile ago and then I never got around to publishing it and now I refuse to reread it because i cringe at my old writing but i remember spending a shit ton of time on this so here's my three year old trash fic. enjoy.

(Warnings: dark content, non-con touching, rape, non-con/sexual harassment, verbal degradation, forced orgasms, public-sex, overstimulation)

18+ content

Tutoring Sessions

You knew Spanish.

Not an expert by any means, but you could probably get by if you were stranded in a Spanish-speaking country. You were good at it. Decent.

You just weren’t the teaching type. You could barely learn, let alone, pass your skills on to someone else. Teaching required patience and diligence. That wasn’t you.

But, really, what could you say when the Captain of the volleyball team himself asked you to tutor him? He looked so desperate too, looking down at you with pleading eyes. He asked for an hour-no-just thirty minutes. All you had to do was correct his grammar, jot a few vocabulary words for him, and maybe teach him extra conjugations.

Looking back, you should have declined. You should have made any bullshit excuse you could think of. You should have laughed nervously, apologized- have done anything to get out of his attention.

You shouldn’t have let him coax you into the fourth floor of the library, trapping you with his tall body in an isolated booth.

At least then his hand wouldn’t be currently rubbing your thigh.

His movements were slow, casual, as his fingers made lazy circles up and down your leg. You couldn’t tell if it was intentional if he was touching you on purpose or mindlessly moving his hands. His face betrayed nothing, solely staring forward at the sheets of paper.

“So, I just replace the ‘ar’ with ‘aron’?” He asked, his hand slowly moving higher and higher, “Why can’t I use ‘aban’?”

You bit your lip, “Because it has a definite ending. The-the sentence is ‘they spoke with me yesterday’. The action ended yesterday, that’s-that’s why we use the preterit form.”

Your breath hitched when his hand trailed underneath your skirt, skimming across your panties. Your hand balled into a shaking fist.

You wanted to tell him to move, you wanted to shove his hand off you, but you weren’t confrontational. Instead, you elected to push down the feeling of unease in your chest, trying your best to ignore his ministrations, praying that he’d drop his hand by himself.

He didn’t.

“Right, you use preterit form for a definite ending,” He’s murmuring now, a sultry rumble that sends shivers down your spine, “I keep forgetting that." His laugh twinkles through the air. It's a jarring contrast to his warm hands.

“So ‘Hablaron me ayer’?”

He took that moment to slide past your panties, lightly rocking on your heat. You sucked in a short breath, gritting your teeth. You couldn’t pretend like he didn’t know what he was doing, not when his fingers were sinking deeper and deeper-

A finger tapped on your inner thigh. Play along.

“It’s-it’s ‘me habl-ah-hablaron ayer’. The object comes first-” You flinched when his pointer finger stroked over your hot skin, “And-and then the subject.”

You wished he’d stop making you talk. You wished you could just push him off you. You wished so many things, things Oikawa wouldn’t grant you.

“Okay,” He’s grinning now, a little less put together. His breathing is a little ragged, hitching whenever you uncomfortably shift. Though he’s still resolutely staring at the pages before him, his eyes are shining. Eager, “-makes sense,”

You just realized how empty the library is.

You can feel his calloused fingers crawling under you, searching for something. His middle finger curls a little, softly brushing over your sensitive clit.

You stumble forward. He says something, but you’re not listening. Not when his fingers are hovering over your hot button, delving down to push and prod.

Your reached up to cover your mouth, instantly silencing any noises you knew would come spilling out. He laughs at that, finally finally breaking the act of playing innocent.

Or maybe it wasn’t such a good thing. He’s looking at you now, a knowing smirk on his pretty face.

Repulsion burns through you. It’s quickly replaced by humiliation as a wet squelch erupts from the place he’s touching you, making you lurch.

“I wasn’t expecting that,” He hums in satisfaction, “You already dripping? You must really want this, huh?”

He stares at you, daring you to reply, knowing fully well you won’t. No, you wouldn’t say anything, you wouldn’t do anything either. You would just sit there and take it.

Exactly what he wants.

He’s moving at a rhythm now, rubbing your clit with his thumb as his fingers inch down your folds. Your nails are digging into your trembling palm, but you don’t tell him to stop. You don’t say a word. No, that would be acknowledging what he’s doing. It would make it real-

your thoughts vanish as a slender finger sinks into your pussy. Your sigh is muffled by your clammy hand, digging further into your mouth as he starts fucking you in earnest. He’s going too fast; your mind is spinning. You can’t keep up with the waves of pleasure coming in and out and in and out and in again.

Your hand slips and the moan that escapes your mouth surprise you. It was loud and so dirty, you couldn’t believe it was your voice-it was you who made that noise.

His finger curls, bending in your tight walls and you feel like wailing. Oikawa strokes against a spot deep inside you that has you seeing stars.

You unconsciously lean against him. Oikawa draws you in closer, forcing you to rest against his shoulder as a second finger sinks into your heat. You whine as it pushes through your sopping walls, completely stretching you out.

You think you hear him snarl a quiet fuck but you’re not paying attention. Your head is pounding, matching the brutal thrusts of his fingers. It’s devouring you it’s too much and you want to stop, you want to breathe. Oikawa isn’t keen on helping, not when he’s rubbing fast circles on your clit, stretching his fingers inside you when he feels you’re not making enough noise. He wants something from you.

And you’re forced to give it to him.

There’s a hitch in your breath, the tiniest pause, before you clench around his fingers with a muffled scream. He hushes you, allowing you to bury your face into his shoulder as he keeps fucking your pussy until you collapse in his chest.

You’re panting when he finally removes his fingers, wiping the slick haphazardly on your inner thigh. You shift uncomfortably when he pulls away, feeling your hole clench again. The orgasm fades away and all you’re left with is the shock of what you’ve done and utter humiliation.

He lifts your chin, forcing you to look at him. His brown eyes were dark, coated in lust. He’s sneering at you.

The kiss surprises you. You weren’t expecting his lips to be soft as he gently melts into yours. It’s so tender, a stark contrast to what he was like before. Maybe it was because you didn’t really put up a fight, your lips falling open when he stroked his thumb on your sensitive skin.

It’s still intense and when he pulls away, you take your first real breath.

“See?” He hums, a hand settling on yours, “That wasn’t so bad, right?”

“Oikawa-”

He’s pulling you out of your seat before you can finish your sentence, dragging you away from the abandoned table filled with unused highlighters. Your legs are still weak, you stumble around a little. Oikawa doesn’t mind, towing you like he’s carrying nothing but air.

He slips into an empty storage closet, with you reluctantly trailing behind him. The door closes behind you with a dull thud, and you’re forced to stand with him in the darkness.

When the light comes back on, he’s towering above you. His chest presses against yours, pinning you against the wall. His smile is manic, filled with a hunger that you know won’t be satisfied with just one taste.

No, he wants to devour you whole.

It’s the realization, that he will ruin you, that make your eyes sting. Hot tears creep down your cheeks as your lips waver.

He coos at that, “Don’t cry, baby. You’ll be okay. I took care of you, right? I made you feel so good?” He shuffles closer and you can feel something hard and stiff press against your thigh.

“Now you gotta’ do the same for me. It’s a fair trade, right?”

He’s kissing you again. It’s rough, this time, as he bites on your bottom lip, hard enough to tear skin. Your yelp is muffled as he shoves his tongue into your drooling mouth. You taste the smallest hint of something metallic.

His lips move down, covering your jaw with soft butterfly kisses that made your head spin. When they find your neck, he clamps down on your soft flesh, licking at biting at everything he could taste. Your breath hitches, a sound that’s in between a gasp and a moan. The sensation of his teeth against your neck causes you to lean your head against the wall, reluctantly giving him room. He purrs at that.

“Good girl.”

His hands are fiddling with your buttons. You barely have time to speak before he impatiently rips your shirt, sending the round objects scattering.

A half-hearted apology is mumbled into your skin. His fingers skitter over your bra, you cry out when his cold hands push the material up to feel your tits.

It’s still not enough. His body is feverish, you feel so hot against him, so pliant, so beautiful. You’re crying, whimpering, softly whispering for him to stop but do you even know how desperate you sound? Your voice sounds so needy, it’s hard to be sated from just touching.

Oikawa yanks down your skirt, letting them pool at your ankles. Your thighs are still glistening from his previous ministrations and your panties are wet, still soaked.

He feels pure euphoria watching them slide down your legs, landing on the ground next to the other piles of clothing.

You’re standing before him, barely clothed, shivering. He gives you a chaste kiss on the cheek, mumbling a soft ‘be good for me, okay’, before he reaches down to his pants.

He doesn’t pull it down all the way, just enough to reach inside and pull out his throbbing cock. It’s already an angry red, a single drop of precum leaking at the tip.

He gives it a few cursory pumps, before he stills.

“I really wanted to see you cum, bet you looked so pretty. Do you mind doing that again, just for me pretty please?”

He grinned when you didn’t reply. You can’t understand how someone so beautiful could hide so much cruelty.

“No? That’s okay, I’ll just make you. Again.”

In one single movement, he hikes your leg against his hip and thrusts his cock inside you.

You wail as he pushes himself inside, already starting to set a rough pace. It hurts, much bigger than two fingers. Whatever he did before clearly didn’t help make it feel any less painful. You give a choked scream, hot tears clouding your vision.

He’s not quiet either, leaning his forehead against the wall behind you, moaning shamelessly. He’s saying your name like a prayer, repeating it over and over again until it sounds like that’s the only thing he can say.

“You have to relax, baby-fuck you’re so tight.” Oikawa hisses, hiking your leg higher to fuck you deeper.

The pain fades. You wish it stayed, keeping you sober while he pushes you against the wall, greedily palming your tits, sucking on your neck.

But it disappears and a loud moan leaves your lips, too breathy to be made from anything but pleasure.

You instinctively cover your mouth, trying to muffle the sounds your traitorous body is making.

“Nope, not this time,” He cheerily says, ripping your hand away, “I wanna hear you scream.”

He angles his hips, his cock sinking into that spot and you do scream.

The pleasure that waves up and down your body blinds you. Your body isn’t listening to you, anymore. Your cunt keeps sucking him back in with each thrust. You can feel beads of precum roll down your thigh. Oikawa’s head is resting on your shoulder now. His weight makes your shaky legs buckle, digging your back further into the hard concrete.

He kisses your hand, encouraging you to drape it on his shoulder. It limply falls beside his neck, barely brushing against his hair.

You shift your hips and his cock stutters almost stopping his rhythm before Oikawa’s cooing something dirty into your ear, reaching down to rub your clit until you’re crying out again.

It’s addicting, he realizes, having your cunt flutter around him like this, leaking out his precum. It’s a feeling that makes him piston himself into you over and over again, relishing in the way your pussy tries to suck him in, like you were begging for more.

“O-oikawa,” You finally gasp when you finally regain the ability to speak, “Slow down please please slow-slow down.”

His laugh is breathy, “You want me to slow down, angel? What, are you close again?”

You don’t respond, but it’s enough to make him go faster, ignoring your pleas in search of your gradually rising voice.

He hisses when his knee hits the wall, grimacing.

“-Wanted to do this at a bed, you know,” He grunted, “Somewhere soft. But-but I didn’t wanna-hah-scare you, you’re so anxious it was so-fuck- hard choosing a place-place you’d actually show up in.”

He rubs your clit, feeling your walls grow tighter and tighter. He pulls back to look at you, eyes shut, your lip caught between your teeth, your face filled with lustful pleasure.

“Cum for me, baby. Show me how perfect you are.”

You follow his orders, your orgasm making you cry in ecstasy. It makes you go limp and you almost sink to the floor before Oikawa catches you, keeping you upright as he chases his own end.

He doesn’t stop, not even when you beg him to slow down that it’s too much. No, he just hushes you again, stumbling over a tensed ‘Just a little more’, before he’s going faster and faster until you feel something warm, wet, and sobering fill your cunt.

He’s slows down then, his eyes shut in bliss as he rocks his hips forward, milking as much as he could. When he finally pulls out, he does it with a hiss, making you flinch as his skin hits your sensitive clit.

He doesn’t catch you this time, letting you drop to the floor. You tumble to the ground, your hands barely catching your fall. The tile is so cool against your sensitive skin, it almost makes you forget the milky liquid spread on your legs, the finger-print shaped bruises on your thigh.

You don’t think you have anymore tears left, but they still fall, running down your cheeks.

He’s instantly over you, brushing a hand down your face.

“Oh, don’t cry, baby, you did such a good job,” Oikawa cooed, wiping your tears away.

He’s not comforting you. His smile is too satisfied to make you think he had any semblance of pity. You briefly wonder what he’s seeing. You, exhaustedly crumpled against the wall, your legs curled, cum seeping out, your neck and chest littered with teeth marks. No wonder he looks so pleased.

He pets your hair, shifting it back in place and it’s so domestic-so loving that it makes you sick.

Oikawa grins, showing teeth. “How about next time we study at my place.”

#yandere #yandere haikyuu #yandere oikawa tooru #dark oikawa tooru #dark content #oikawa isn't a good person #x reader #tw:noncon #reader inserts #afab reader

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sphireath-wisp · 6 months

Text

#Fairytale (Sae's Version)

Sypnosis: Your relationship with them as a cliche, romantic book trope <3

Warnings: Not Proofread, gender is not specified but reader is described with the term "pretty", messy interchanging grammar, slight cursing, sort of spoilers for the scene when Sae meets Rin after returning from Spain(?)

Note: Other versions coming up soon!!

Featuring: Sae Itoshi x GN! reader

Sae Itoshi - Childhood Sweethearts

"Meeting you was like listening to a song for the first time and knowing it would be my favorite."

There was this strange kid in your class who goes by the name of "Sae Itoshi". Perhaps it was the way he carried himself, maybe it was fate that drew him close to you. Perhaps it was the fortune slip you drew on New Year's, bold letters painted on paper, asserting the supposed misfortune that will follow you throughout your year.

But, to start your year on a sour note, you happened to sit right next to him. You didn't hate him but didn't exactly enjoy his company either. Furthermore, he had a sharp tongue, refined and honed with a rich vocabulary that he used to his heart's content. Whether it was directed at the teachers or those guys that stick around him like glue, every sneer and snide remark reached your ears.

And oh god, he was so creative with his words to the point where you couldn't hold back your laughter.

Sucking in your stomach, your chest puffs out in an attempt to hold in the giggles on the verge of leaking out. You cover your mouth with the back of your hand, glancing away as you sink your teeth down on your lower lip.

Sae leans back in his chair as usual. His attention was drawn in by your strange behavior, softly chuckling and pursing your lips to resist a smile. Testing the waters, a witty remark slips out of his lips and he connects the dots when you struggle to contain your laughter after his words.

"This teacher is way too strict... right?" Sae initiates a conversation. For the first time, in the two weeks you've sat beside each other and referred to each other as 'seatmates', he spoke directly to you without being forced to by any pestering teachers - who always insisted that 'this class is a family'.

You pause, a moment of silence that you needed. To consider what to say - then reconsider again.

"...yeah." Something simple wouldn't make this any less awkward than it already is, right? "You're right, he needs to really chill."

You lean forward and stack your forearms on the desk you and Sae were supposed to share. Sae observes silently, hands in his pocket. He fiddles with the only lollipop he had left in his pocket after all of his friends ran off with the rest of his collection, contemplating whether he should give the last one to you or keep it for himself.

Teal eyes land on you, innocently absorbing your features, the way your leg bounced up and down, how you twirled the pen in your hand (occasionally dropping it). Sae turns his head away, the rational part of his mind reminding him that staring - especially for that long - is rude.

However, he took away something from that little session of scrutinizing you - you're pretty.

A simple fact, an observation - Sae convinces himself. It totally isn't just him being subjective and admiring you. Yeah, everyone else probably regards you as pretty. It isn't just him, right?

"I knew I did from that first moment we met. It was... not love at first sight exactly, but familiarity. Like: oh, hello, it's you. It's going to be you." - Mhairi McFarlane via 5000letters (via perfect)

"Do you want to be my partner?" You wanted to tap his shoulder before asking, but your gut told you not to - it was rude to touch people without permission... or maybe it was something else that made your gut churn so uncomfortably.

It had gotten easier to talk to him through the lighthearted insults thrown at the others in class or the gossip you would both indulge in, but things still occasionally felt awkward and stiff. But, it was progress! School days wouldn't seem so dull if you could befriend the aloof boy next to you.

"Why?"

"It's convenient that way." Thank god you had prepared a response in mind beforehand. "I don't wanna move seats and take all of my stuff to another table just to move back here again, you know what I mean?"

Sae's eyes drift to the group of guys signaling to him and, while he had no problem shutting them down, he was reluctant.

"Hey," You begin, not wanting to force or pressure him into anything - though you knew damn well he's too stubborn to be forced into something he doesn't like. "You don't have to if you don't wanna"

"No. Let's pair up." Sae interjects. "The last time I paired up with those idiots, we got no work done." You widened your eyes and he swore he saw stars, causing a small chuckle to escape him.

Strangely, he found himself growing fond of your reactions and expressions. You were... very full of life; he liked that about you. The way your eyebrows shot up when he directed a snarky remark to the teacher who belittled you - which he took more offense to than you did - only pushed him to make more sarcastic comments until you struggled to contain your own laughter.

You nudged him as a plea to stop, not because you disliked it - hell no, it entertained you and made class something you looked forward to. However, your actions backfired when Sae took it as a challenge. His hands snaked their way to your sides and zapped you with lightning speed. You were relieved that the class was so loud during discussions, the yelp you let out would have turned heads.

"S-Sae! Okay, okay, stop, you win! You can do the research, I'll do the writing." You panted for air when he finally ceased, a smug smirk pasted on his face. With a toothy smile, he slid the papers to your table. "Good, I knew you were reasonable."

You wiped the tears from the corner of your eyes with the back of your index finger, clutching onto your stomach with your other hand to shield your body. "You better not slack," Clicking your tongue, you rolled your eyes and earned a scoff from him. "I could say the same to you," He retorts before packing his pencil case back in his bag to move to the next class.

"Sae, your pencil," You silently pass him it. "Return me it later. We'll see each other in the next class anyway, right?"

"You trust me with it?" You respond to his question with another, lowering your hand - something as small as a pencil could be seen as insignificant, but it was still his. Sae already had the strap of his backpack hanging on his shoulder by the time he came up with a reply, "...I guess."

Conveniently, the next class required everyone to pair up too. Firing knowing glances at each other from across the class, you both already found your partner before the teacher had even finished speaking.

"I didn't know what to call it, what was happening between us, but I liked it. It felt silly and fragile and good." - Ransom Riggs, Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children

"Say 'ahhh'," You scoop a spoonful of rice and stop it in front of Sae's mouth, waiting for him to open his mouth instead of stubbornly turning his head the other way.

"I can feed myself, (Name)." Sae firmly states, rotating his body and turning his back to you. At least, in this position, you won't see the raging flush decorating the apple of his cheeks - a heat he wasn't used to and couldn't get to disappear.

"Not when you have a fractured wrist and sprained the other, don't even think about overexerting yourself." Your voice is firm, eyes trained on his hands.

Sae doesn't respond - maybe it was something he didn't want to bring up. It's okay, you're used to giving in to him and his petty demands.

He's silent, deathly silent. Reluctance is clear in his every move when he faces you, lips parting and leaning forward for you to feed him without any issue. The last thing he'd want is to cause you any more trouble when you went out of your way to help him - help he wanted and needed, but he'd rather die than admit that.

For once, he'll put his voice to rest, not a single whine or groan slipping from his lips when you accidentally spill a bit of rice on his lap or when the spoon bumps into his teeth. For once, he isn't as irritated by the stares he receives and the nudges he gets from his soccer buddies when they pass by - he notices, but he couldn't care less.

And you? It was a struggle on your end to ignore the butterflies swarming your stomach. You had found comfort in the silence you and Sae used to find awkward, eyes speaking languages only you and he could understand.

His gaze never left yours, no matter how many times you bashfully looked elsewhere to prevent the pink shade on your cheeks from becoming any deeper, any bolder, any brighter, any more obvious to the boy you had developed a silly crush on.

"Are you not going to eat?" You pause, realizing that the bowl of noodles that was supposed to serve as your lunch must have gone cold by now. You felt hungry, but a cold bowl of noodles didn't seem too appetizing to your grumbling stomach. "...I'm fine, I'll eat later."

"At least drink something."

"Later." You reply dismissively, more getting him to eat.

"PE is next. You're not going to have enough energy, you know. What if you pass out or something?" Sae narrows his eyes at you, not remembering the last time he got so worked up about something other than soccer.

"Then, I guess I'm sitting out with you."

He doesn't say anything back, chewing on his food silently. "...You should look out for yourself more often."

"I could say the same for you." You place the spoon down, finally through with the bowl of food. "You were the one who blocked that soccer ball from hitting my head, so I owe you that." He used his hand to try and block a soccer ball hurling right at you and the impact caused his other hand - which he was using as a support for his weight - to slip and sprain itself. It was certainly a streak of misfortune for him.

"It was one time-"

"So you wouldn't protect me again?"

He shuts up, clicking his tongue after.

"Maybe we'll meet again, when we are slightly older and our minds less hectic, and I'll be right for you and you'll be right for me."

"You're really leaving, huh?" It was pouring outside and judging by the amount of background noise coming from Sae's side of the phone, he was probably at the airport by now.

"...Yeah- Sorry, it's really laggy here."

You chuckle, hugging your pillow to your chest with the phone by your ear. "It's fine, as long as I can hear you."

Sae sighed into the phone, the same rich and colorful vocabulary used to criticize the ridiculously noisy airport and geek out about his future in Spain - a future he wished wasn't away from all of the things he held dear, his family, his friends... you.

"Real Madrid. I'm still sort of in shock." You replied with a barely audible 'uh-huh'. "I made the decision to leave a while ago, but I'm still processing leaving Japan."

His voice was uncharacteristically gentle as if he knew you weren't handling his departure well - he knew you like the back of his hand after all. However, it had the opposite effect, the fact that he cared only made you want to cry more. He was so damn observant for his age.

"Can we-" You take a deep breath... you could be a little selfish just for today, right? "Can we call until you get on the plane?"

"...I hope, I have earphones in, so it should be fine." Your tense shoulders drop, burying your face into the tear-stained pillow. "Rin's clinging to me so much, even though he said he's okay with me going."

"He wants to see you achieve your dreams and all, but he'll definitely miss you, you know?" You related to him, a little too much. "Where are you now?"

"Just past security and bag checks, I have a little bit of time before I board the plane..." Sae clutches his passport in his hand. "I gotta say bye to my family."

"Tell Rin to hug you for me."

"...right." Sae hugs Rin even tighter.

It's silent between you and him other than the background chatter and buzz - a silence you were well acquainted with.

"They left... or should I say I left them?" You hear the sound of the wheels of his suitcase; he's heading somewhere. "Don't say sad shit like that, Sae. You're going to Spain; you're gonna be a star! As your biggest fan, I don't wanna see you moping around."

"I'm about to board the plane, I'll be quiet for a little, but I'm listening." Sae reassures you.

"Okay. I'll start rambling as usual then." You laugh lightly, still in denial that this could be the last conversation you have with him. "Before you leave, I promise to hold that grudge against the teacher you hate - I never knew why you hated them though. I promise to take care of your pencil because in the end I never returned it."

You don't hear a response from Sae, but you can neither stop your word vomit or tears.

"I promise to take good care of Rin in your stead. I promise to be more careful and 'look out for myself' more. I promise I'll always support you from the other side of the screen. And- and, I know we won't call much because of the timezones," You take a shaky breath. "but, please don't forget about me, Sae."

You sniffle, the pile of tissues next to you only increasing. "Sae, I never got to tell you-"

"I'm in my seat." He interjects suddenly, voice as unstable and shaky as your breathing. It was a plea - a plea to please don't force yourself to say anymore, a plea to tell you that he knows, a plea to remind you to take deep breaths because he can hear how painful it is for you, a plea to beg you to stop before it's too much for him and he cries too.

It's a mixture of gratitude and regret. He's glad you don't have to see him like this, but it'd be a blessing to have you by his side, to ease this ache in his chest.

"Sae." You don't want to stop now- you can't; you need to finish what you started. "I lov-"

The call ends - he disconnected; the plane took off.

"You never meet the same person twice, even in the same person."

Sae Itoshi - he's made it, but he's not the same.

When you heard Rin shout at his own older brother from afar, you knew something was off. No, no, Rin would never shout at him - not the very person he put on a pedestal and looked up to his whole life.

"I don't want that!" Rin's eyes glare at Sae, or the shell of the human he once was. "I'm the younger brother of the best striker in the world!" You felt your own beating, living heart crack in your chest for the second time - the first was after meeting Sae's tired eyes, accompanied by the dark eye bags.

The heart you crappily pieced back together after not being able to tell your childhood sweetheart how you felt was on the verge of breaking again - so easily too, after all the sleepless nights you spent trying to mend it together.

There it was again: that uncomfortable, unbearable silence. Sae's lips part, a shaky breath escaping him, yet no words follow.

After all these years, even you weren't sure if you were looking at 'Sae Itoshi, Rin's older brother, the best striker in school, your foul-mouthed seatmate.' or 'Sae Itoshi, the prodigy, the boy genius'. Were you really staring back at the person you fell in love with?

"Let's go, Rin," You spoke up, even though every fiber of your being was telling you, begging you to stay. Your gaze locks with his for a short moment, eyes pleading with him to please stop you from leaving.

"...Sae," Have you ever said his name so coldly? "how long are you staying in Japan?"

He glances down - as if too shameful to meet your gaze. The collar of his windbreaker covers the lower half of his face and brings more attention to his dreary, reddened eyes. "I'm leaving tomorrow; tomorrow morning, 9am." His trembling hands stay in his pockets.

"I see." was all you could utter and it left both you and Sae terribly disappointed.

"I don't care, I love you anyhow. It is too late to turn you out of my heart. Part of you lives here." -Anne Sexton, from A Self-portrait in Letters

It was like a replay of that heart-wrenching memory 4 years ago. He was leaving and that thought haunted your mind for the whole night. Everything ached, your head, your body, your heart. It was stupid to chase a crush you had left behind 4 years ago, but you had realized by now that your feelings had bloomed into something more than just a simple crush.

It was 6 a.m., tear-stained pillows, and a migraine steadily kicking in. You mindlessly reread what Sae and you used to text each other, what you could've been with him. For all these years, you haven't called him, because the first few months of trying always left you with no response. You felt like a bother, prompted to leave him voice messages instead of hearing his voice - were you truly as important to him as he was to you?

Your fingers hovered over the call button. You were too tired to get out of bed, much too tired to think clearly and stop yourself. Before you knew it, your head bobbed down and your finger lost the strength to hold itself up, pressing the call button.

The realization that you were actually calling him hit you awake. Your body jolts up, scrambling to quickly end the call.

"...Hello?" Shit. He answered.

"Fuck, sorry," You held your head in your hands. "I didn't mean to call you at this hour. It was an accident, I swear-"

"It's fine." He bluntly answers and you pause.

"...okay, then uh, I'll end the c-" Before you can finish, he interrupts you - a characteristic of Sae's that you had grown accustomed to. "Why are you awake at this hour? Why does your voice sound weird?... Have you been crying, (Name)?" He was so blunt, so straightforward.

You could feel the suspicious glare Sae was giving you through the phone, even though his camera was off. The image of his face - teal eyes narrowing and scrutinizing your every word, eyebrows knitted together, and finger impatiently tapping any surface while waiting for an answer - painted itself in your head. Oddly enough, you giggled.

"Sorry, sorry, it's just- I vividly remember you interrogating me like this back when we were kids. You always used to bombard me with questions - giving me not even a single moment to answer, mind you." It had become a habit - being sarcastic and lightheartedly insulting each other. So, when talking with Sae again, it naturally came back to you.

"Ah... am I rambling?"

"Yes, you are," Sae didn't bother sugarcoating anything, "but don't stop. Continue."

You blink - you could be a little more selfish just for today, right?

"Could we... do it in person?" You could feel Sae frown when you suggested it. "I know, I know. Your flight is at 9 a.m. But, it doesn't matter to me where we hang out. Let's talk at the airport before you go."

The silence only diminishes your hope and you continue to persuade him before it's fully extinguished.

"Please, Sae. For old-time's sake. Can't we talk? Can't we catch up?" Your grip on your phone hardened, "Even if it's just 10 minutes, I don't care. I never got to finish what I said 4 years ago, I'm gonna finish it today."

You waited for what felt like hours for a response.

"Ok." The tension left your body, breathing a loud sigh of relief and you hop out of bed. "I'll see you at the airport?"

"No. I'm picking you up." It's like he already made the decision for you, and how could you ever say no to him? "Wear something warm, it's gonna rain today. I'll lend you my jacket if you get too cold."

"Sae." The sudden firmness in your voice stunned him... did he do something wrong? Was he too forward? All the shuffling from his side stopped as if time stopped with him when he paused to listen to you. "Thank you for this and...

I love you, I didn't get to say that the last time you left." You decide to be frank because there is no point acting shy and coy around someone like Sae. Beating around the bush would only waste time - you conclude - and at least you'd get to process the heartbreak if he does reject you. Or perhaps, you were just too impatient to wait anymore. 4 years was much too long for you.

The background noise began again from his side and you hear a sigh - relief that that was all and he hadn't accidentally screwed things up.

"I've known for a long time." He admits, clamping the phone between his raised shoulder and ear whilst he fishes out something he hopes you'd like to see him in - even though he himself was unsure what that would be.

"Really?" You ask back. You didn't doubt him, but it sounded like he had so much more to say.

"Yeah." His words trailed off into silence, a momentary pause for him to think. He's known that what he felt for you was more complex than anything he's encountered before, feelings bubbling in his chest and far beyond his own comprehension. Judging by the way you struggled to say it to him at first, he could tell you were going through the same hardships as him.

It was commendable that you pushed past your own cowardice to tell him something so tender. Your future and friendship weigh heavy on his shoulders, and the last thing he's going to do is break your heart. He didn't forget you, he couldn't have forgotten you - you were his childhood sweetheart after all.

"And... I love you too."

Taglist: @dewwberry

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kikarouflames · 2 months

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Motivating you to try:

So I wanted to say that if you want to write and draw but are too afraid and insecure it might not be good, please remember everyone starts somewhere. I don't think I am at all a good writer or a perfect artist either. Since my first language is not english, my vocabulary is limited and my grammar is not entirely correct either. But I wanted to atleast try and I did, the amount of typos I notice makes me cringe but it makes me happy too when people like that work. My drawing needs a lot of improvement, I suck at drawing many things, but art always has been my passion so I draw either way. Art is a way of expressing yourself through writing, drawing, painting etc, if you want to do it, just do it and keep doing it and day by day you will be better at it, you will learn something and might realize many things about yourself and other things.

I know fear of not being good all too well, but fear is the biggest problem in the way of your journey of learning and putting yourself out there, I felt it too but when I gave it a try and received kind response from people I felt a bit more confident everytime. There are times my art won't get enough attention and I admit it saddens me but I am proud of it and I try to think that the things I learned and the feelings I experienced are the best things about the process. Do it for yourself and to learn, ignore the rude or insensitive response and appreciate the kind and sweet ones.

That's all, if you want to do it just do it. Saying this as a highly anxious person who overthinks all her words and most trival of the actions. You can do it. This whole ramble and poor attempt at motivation might have many mistakes as well but I hope it helped. Trying is important, an attempt is all it takes to realize many things.

#kikarou rambles #i really hope it helped #i am not good at words but i wanted to say it so i did #motivation #art #writing

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kafus · 14 hours

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What kind of jp studying do you do right now? :o

is it just learning the writing order for now or does it include some grammar stuff too, been wanting to do some stuff outside of uni classes/doing duolingo to not forget kanas lol (i should remind myself how to write katakana tbh)

i’m basically just packing in learning to handwrite hiragana/katakana right now for the sake of it and also memorization (i already knew how to read hiragana but my katakana is spotty, and it seems to be increasing my reading speed for hiragana anyway)

i think it’ll be a lot easier to study grammar and vocabulary if there isn’t friction with reading furigana and whatnot, so i’m getting this out of the way first so studying is enjoyable and doesn’t suck later

that being said i have some rusty knowledge on jp grammar as i attempted to learn the language much more sporadically a couple years ago so like, i roughly know the basic use of most particles and sentence structure already (it’s Rough though lmao)

once i’m done i’ll be diving into grammar and kanji memorization 🫡

#kiki was here #asks #sylvienyas #kiki learns jp #im excited to actually have some vocab #my vocab is like. nonexistent

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solradguy · 1 year

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hi! can you tell your whole process for learning japanese on your own? where did you start? what resources did you utilise? how did you find and manage your time and maintain discipline? also, how long did it take you to reach fluency?

I am sooooo far from fluent hahaha I'm stumbling through this language Gromit-style

Ok, so, circa 2014 I was studying Norwegian because I really wanted to learn a secondary language (thx American school system...) and I really liked the cadence/feel of Norwegian. That was my entire reason for studying it, I just liked how it sounded lol. But by 2016 I'd learned enough of it from Duolingo that it was time to move on to more difficult study materials.

Which I could not find for the life of me.

I got frustrated and decided it'd probably be best to pick up another language. Japanese was the one I saw the most since a lot of my favorite artists are Japanese, some of my best inking supplies come from Japan (with Japanese packaging), and there used to be a really good local Japanese restaurant too (RIP). Duolingo had just launched an absolutely shit Japanese course that motivated me to look for better practice materials.

I think I started practicing the kana through just writing them a whole bunch before finding out about Tofugu's hiragana and katakana mnemonics-based study articles. From there I did the three free levels offered by Wanikani. Wanikani is awesome, I learned a lot through that program and wish the full version one-time purchase was more affordable... It's worth it, I'm just broke haha

After a while I lost interest in studying Japanese because it's so difficult/time consuming and tried out reconstructed Classical Latin (HARD!), Norwegian again, and just barely dipped my toes into Esperanto. About a year before I got into Guilty Gear (2020), I picked up Japanese again by refreshing my progress on Wanikani. The Duolingo course still sucked but it had gotten a tiny bit better with its kana study tool, though I dropped it again before long. What helped the most this time were books. I tried out these:

Genki - Not bad. I liked how it broke down parts of grammar. However, it's definitely written for a classroom setting. The topics/vocabulary were all school themed and, on top of feeling like I was missing vital information by self-studying, it just got boring.

Tae Kim's Guide to Learning Japanese - This has a physical version but I read it through the free app/website. Much more advanced than Genki, but made for self-study and as a grammatical reference tool. It went a bit over my head and was too fast-paced, I learn kinda slow... Now that I'm much better at Japanese, I should try it again.

Japanese From Zero - My favorite of the books I tried. Goes slower, made more for self-study, and has some free supplemental materials on their website.

While Japanese From Zero was working great, I was losing interest again because my brain CRAVES variety. Straight up translating stories has helped me more than anything else. Japanese Short Stories for Beginners by LingoMastery was a good investment alongside Barron’s Japanese Grammar by Carl and Nobuo Akiyama and Japanese Verbs & Essentials of Grammar by Rita L. Lampkin to help with grammar concepts Japanese Short Stories doesn't expand on enough. IMABI (website) is also a very good grammar reference guide. It can be a bit dry, but I like that. It doesn't waste time and is very direct.

Lingodeer has been invaluable too. The free version is smartphone app only, but that's fine since I usually study right before bed anyway. It has a 5 minute quiz that's just snappy enough to refresh my knowledge without being so long that my brain gets bored of the repetition. The lesson modules also do a really great job at explaining grammatical concepts. There are some other study tools, like specific ones for practicing grammar and vocabulary, that I like.

Then in 2021 I got into Guilty Gear. Boy, did I get into Guilty Gear. Translating GG books has helped me more than all of these other materials combined (except the Tofugu kana articles). HIGHLY recommend going a little crazy for a piece of Japanese media if you wanna learn the language.

I can't speak it for shit though, to be honest lmao. But I set out learning it to read things so that's fine; there are very, very, few Japanese speakers where I live anyway. What I mean by this is that I don't have any materials to suggest for learning how to speak it or to improve listening comprehension, sorry...

If I'm not currently working on a translation project (which counts as studying!!), I try to do at least one of these forms of practice each day:

10-15 minutes of Lingodeer

Do Anki flashcards until I get bored. There's a deck that's all 60 levels of Wanikani, though Wanikani itself is still better.

Practice kana stroke order for the ones I still sometimes struggle with （ツ、シ、ン、ソ......）and at least 5 kanji

Read something in Japanese. Lately this's been Japanese-English Translation: An Advanced Guide by Judy Wakabayashi

There's a page on my Neocities with some study tools but it needs updated with a few things I've since found that work better:

#asks #long post

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goldentangerines · 28 days

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learning ancient greek in university is the hardest fucking thing ever and i'm not kidding it sucks so bad. like wdym you put 4 years of school greek into 10 months. wdym there's no textbook and grammar book and vocabulary book that belong together so i have to scourge and cross-reference two different 200 page books for grammar and then use another book to search my relevant vocabulary for a beginner's text. wdym 70% fail the class. wdym i just have to know all the basic grammar before immediately translating the first ancient poet's simplified text with no explanation. WDYM I NEED THE GRAECUM FOR MY MASTER'S DEGREE

#gremlin speaks #archaeology #ancient greek #srsly i'm at my limit and we're on day 2 of the PREPARATIONS CLASS that starts 2 weeks before the semester begins. i'm at my fucking limit

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hikarry · 3 months

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You getting pissed off over french is so real dude I've been learning it for yearss and the grammar is so needlessly complicated

Listen, the worst part is: I learned it at school and became fluent in French when I was 14

That's the part that infuriates me the most! I used to know all of this shit! Now I can barely keep up with a YouTube video

Grammar sucks absolute ass but even the fucking vocabulary sucks ass! It's like, I can't memorize the bloody words!

Like, I read them, yeah? And I write down the translation. A minute later if I read it again, I already forgot what the bloody words mean!

I honestly think I'm the problem at this point

Should have stuck with Italian

Or hell, choose fucking Spanish! But no! Spencer doesn't like easy stuff, 19 year old Spencer wanted a challenge

If I could go back in time I would smack myself so fucking hard I wouldn't feel my jaw for weeks

#asks #mostnormalaziraphaleliker

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penguicorns-are-cool · 3 months

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I don't see enough people talk about this aspect of the CODA experience, probably because it's a bit more niche, but I'm gonna talk about it

I know ASL well enough to communicate, but my friends in ASL classes are more fluent than me. and it sucks cause like, I'm supposed to be the fluent one, I speak that language at home. but also, my vocabulary is limited to words I use with my Mom and I never picked up grammar

my ASL kind of sucks. I don't know grammar so it's more of signed english usually, and I don't have enough vocab to consistently understand what people sign to me. Like sure, I know more slang terms than my friends, but they know the correct sentence structure.

Like, I've been signing since I was a baby, but I don't know grammar

#ASL #CODA #sign language

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sammytheotakunerd · 2 years

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Rules! (Requests OPEN!)

Reason on why Requests are OPEN?: I am(think-) done with all of the requests!

Date I joined tumblr: August 5, 2022

Date I leave: ???

(Last updated in October 6 2022)

KEEP IN MIND

I won’t do Raphael, Mephisto and thirteen because i don’t know much about them and I am still not in the lesson on where i meet them. It’s ok to send some scenarios about them so i can have a grasp on what their character is like.

Introduction/ About me!

Hi! My names Sammy but you can call me Sam for short. My pronouns are she/her. I’m bisexual (Swing from left to right ᕕ(⌐■▾■)ᕗ ), Anything is fine but do know that this is a semi 18+ blog. If you want Yandere’s and/or smut then check out my 18+ blog: @samsalulu

Minors, Pls fuck off in that other blog of mine.

Want to improve your grammar or want to expand your vocabulary? Then join me in the daily grammar session!

Things i like in a fic

I really like Angst just because it makes me cry and makes me think about my life. Fluff makes my heart flutter and be giggly inside.

Things I don’t like

Don’t be rude and weird. Just follow the rules.

Fandom

Obey me! Shall we date?

MASTERLIST

MC is too Kind Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Reverse Replace MC au Part 1: Lucifer

Relationships needs some healing (Lucifer x MC ANGST)

Exchange programs, Angels, Demons and Humans But Swap? Part 1

Medicine sucks! (What will the obey me bros do if you get sick?)

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olderthannetfic · 2 years

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Oh yes, the advice on Japanese study materials please! If you're willing to share.

I'm just getting back into studying and seeing what products are still around, but here are my preliminary thoughts:

Once upon a time, I greatly enjoyed Lang-8, which was a site where you could correct people's blogs and get corrections on yours. The same people seem to have moved on to making an app/site called HiNative. I haven't checked that out yet. The thing that made Lang-8 distinctive back in the day was that they were based out of Japan, so they had a lot of Japanese people who wanted to learn English relative to most spaces that involve exchanging with other actual humans.

I'm going back through the vocab courses on iKnow, which is a paid service, but I really liked their example sentences and choice of vocab to include. All of the examples are read aloud at a natural pace by native speakers. Good vocab programs will put vocabulary in the context of longer sentences so you get some passive grammar practice at the same time.

Lingodeer is a newer app that I bought a membership to because they were on sale, but I haven't tried it much yet.

The way I learned kanji was by starting with hanzi and learning the principles via Learn to Write Chinese Characters by Johan Björkstén. I find that most Japanese textbooks fall down on this. They show you some basic kanji, but they don't teach you principles of stroke direction, order, radicals, etc., and that makes it hard to extrapolate or remember the complex ones.

A common pitfall I've seen is that people hate romanization because it's ~inauthentic~ yet want to just learn hiragana and skip everything else. But actual Japanese is not written like that. Even furigana won't really be sufficient because it's common to use incorrect furigana for artistic purposes. (An author will use some fancy-pants kanji and then the furigana for a more familiar word with a similar meaning or commonplace kanji with furigana indicating the characters are using the English or French or whatever word with the same meaning.) And, of course, if you read anything not aimed at grade schoolers, it won't have furigana most of the time.

So my advice is to divorce learning writing from learning listening and vocab as much as possible if the writing is hard for you. There's no sense in holding back one skill for another... but also to treat the reading/writing as one large task and not skimp on kanji learning.

These days, unlike last time I studied, you can find a lot of Japanese youtubers wandering around talking about their beauty treatments or what they think of Poland or whatever. (No, for real, there's some dude exploring Poland.) More than ever before, a learner has access to a lot of natural spoken Japanese by native speakers. Many of them also provide English subtitles.

For grammar, I like my old textbook, as I said, but the more traditional choice is Tae Kim's guide, which is online and free. I find it much more precise and useful than the usual undergrad textbooks like Genki. (I have used and dislike most of the big textbooks used in the US. Genki, Nakama, and Japanese for Busy People all suck, IMO. But it does depend on the learner. The resource that keeps you studying is better than the one that doesn't.)

If you want a manga to practice on, I think Yotsuba& is probably the easiest I've found that's also genuinely entertaining if you're over the age of 5 and not full of misspelled-for-dialect-reasons stuff that's hard for a learner.

Anki is a popular flashcard app. People used to make tons of themed Japanese decks for it. They probably still do.

The best Japanese-English dictionary, IMO, is WWWJDIC. They let you add entries (but vetted for quality and good citations), so it has a lot of geeky vocab. Outside of that, looking up "[word]とは" will find you definitions in Japanese.

For me, a formal class helped, but a lot of what has helped most is finding manga I'm obsessed with and trying to painstakingly figure out what it says.

Anyone have thoughts?

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rottendollface · 1 year

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So it's been a while since I logged in here, and I decided to make a special post about what I am writing right now.

1) Request with Ajax #1

Some (not all of course 😈) warnings to give you a little expectations about it: incestuous relationships, family abuse, grooming, breeding kink, blood and flesh magic, pregnancy.

It's gonna be around 20.000 words (the beginning only took 10k), and I'm still redacting plot in some parts I try to stop myself but it happens without my will (just trust me)

2) DONE ✅️ Fic with Strade (Boyfriend to death),

Warnings: killer in love, kidnapping, keeping hostage, physical violence (including torturing), psychological violence, Stockholm syndrome, romanticization.

Well... it's Strade, guys. Nothing else to expect.

Reader had already lost the game when she met Strade. Don't expect proper resistance or rebellion from her.

It's gonna be around 13-15k words (GUYS I JUST SUCK AT PLANNING, I WANTED IT TO BE 2K, BUT I ALREADY HAVE 11K) and released soon.

3) Request with Ajax #2

Warnings: Little Red Riding Hood AU; incestuous relationships, bestiality, forced cannibalism, murderings, body horror.

4) Fic with Zhongli (and Childe?)

Warnings: Human modern AU, Zhongli is a forensic expert and a professor, age gap (20 vs 39), professor × student relationship dynamic, gaslighting, murderings.

It probably will have two endings (depending on my final decision of putting Childe into it), and I still don't know how to write two endings in one post on Tumblr 🤡

5) Fic with Byakuran I just hope khr fandom is alive

Warnings: reader's death, dismembering, unhealthy worship of reader, unrequited love, psychological violence, age gap (reader from the past × 10 year future Byakuran), purity fetish.

Press F to pay respect, the level of gore will be a little less than in fic with Strade

6) Fic with Childe

Warnings: Zombie apocalypse AU, CNC, mentally unstable infected Childe, socially dangerous behavior.

You can guess the ending already...

But wait... what were you doing for this whole time? 🥸

WRITING.

I didn't do it for a while, so I needed some time to:

Remember English ✔️

Get my skill back ✔️

Keep improving my grammar [in process]

Expand my vocabulary [in process]

Learn new things to make my writing better [in process]

I'm a very slow writer, you can't fix me, guys...

I hope I will finish at least 2 or 3 fics from here until the end of the February 🤩

(I forgot my password from AO3 btw 🤡)

#PLEASE READ

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apoli-meow · 11 months

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..Don't be suspicious, don't be suspicious.. I didn't just disappear for a week!

~~~

High School!Hater is in the houseee! While peepers might be my favorite to draw, hater is my favorite personality wise.

Also, just saying, I can and will add and change details in the au. I definitely didn't change things on peepers' post and you definitely shouldn't check it out again. Yep.

~~~

Name: [REDACTED] 'Hater' Sani-Diaz

Age: 16

Sexuality: ✨boy bi✨, demiromantic

Pronouns: trans ftm, he/him

Race: Mixed (African & Puerto Rican)

Height: 187 cm (6'1)

Personality: himbo himbo himbo. Loud, kind of obnoxious, can be kind of an asshole because he talks without thinking a lot. Sweetheart to Peepers because I Hate (capital H) their power dynamic in the show (season 2 made it better, but season 1 was just painful).

~~~

Random facts!!

• The Rich Friend ™ of the group

• Also the "attention starved because his parents emotionally neglect him" ™ friend of the group

• Forgot to say this on Peepers' post but they're in the same class cuz Peepers skipped a grade

• Plays the guitar (actually pretty well.. Occasionally)

• My favorite to analyse psychologically... He is very loud to cover up the fact that he is terribly insecure about himself & his masculinity. Very overdramatic, because a lot of times his emotions are kind of.. Off. Dull (Not me projecting onto cartoon au characters 😭😭).

• Started testosterone pretty early

• Diagnosed depression, undiagnosed autism (masking goes yayy)

• Closeted trans, openly bi

• His special interests are plushies and dinosaurs!! (I have a friend that is obsessed w/ dinos so I have an expert)

• He is actually pretty good at explaining things, but his vocabulary and grammar just suck (writes like walls of texts. Paragraphs? We don't know her.)

• Used to be friends w/ Awesome, toxic friendship, we don't stan 😤😤

• Picked up most of his asshole traits from previous friendships (doesn't really know how to be a good person since nobody taught him)

• Reluctant buddies with wander? We love tsunderes

• Gym bros! Gym bros! They call each other 'bros'.. Dorks..

• SO OBLIVIOUS WITH PEEPERS!! Mutual pining my beloved.

• It's basically just him and one (1) housemaid, since his parents are pretty much always away. I mean, at least he has the space for sleepovers.

• Got kinda lucky with genetics, he's tall and he started working out really early so he passes easily. (Not enough for himself, though 😔...)

• Straightens & bleaches his hair (Terribly)

• I had a playlist with his songs and I didn't know how to describe them... Cavetown. It's just cavetown. (+ Numb Little Bug. That song had no right calling me out like that istg.)

• Writes love letters that he never sends. Would be a shame if someone found them........

~~~

Ig that's it?? Idk tell me if I completely messed it up.

But fr, as a white person from a country that doesn't teach us any history outside of our own like at all, doesn't talk about mental health and is very ableist, I'm lowkey scared of adding diversity cuz I might mess it up 😭😭

If you see any issues or anything plz let me know, I'm trying to learn here.

But anyways, who should I talk about next? Wander or Domi? (plz respond.. I will say that every time.)

#wander over yonder #woy #hater #commander peepers #sylvia zbornak #wander #deathglare #secrets secrets 🤐

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koulakoukoula2003 · 2 years

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Potential Writers that don't post their stuff cuz they lack confidence

don't

lack

confidence

I know it's not that simple but

HEAR ME OUT

Fanfic is a fanmade work that you're not getting paid to write and publish, ok? No one's paying you, you waste your own free time on it. And since no one's paying you to write fic, THEN YOUR FIC DOESN'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT

If it was an original book that you'd publish THEN SURE it must be perfect, but if it is fanfic, you gain absolutely nothing from it (except maybe psychological satisfaction cuz writing fics FEELS good) IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT (imma scream this way too many times).

Listen to me, people don't care about quality anymore. We're not in the 50s when you had to write esays that sound like fucking Shakespeare.

Oh? did you notice that 'esays' over there? Did you also notice that 'did' in the previous sentence where the 'd' should've been a capital 'D'?

I rushed to write and I made those mistakes, SO WHAT?! DID THE WORLD END? No, it didn't, cuz most of you didn't even notice it, and the rest of you don't even care.

That's what readers think about (the majority at least) when you make grammatical and vocabulary errors in your fic.

YES, PEOPLE DON'T CARE ABOUT QUALITY. People don't know how to appreciate nor how to recognise quality. The standards have dropped DRAMATICALLY. They've dropped in music (most ppl think trap is music), arts (some dude stuck a banana on a wall with fucking ducktape and sold this for 3 million USD or sth), literature (50 shades of grey). The standards have dropped, you don't have to sound like Shakespeare anymore.

So yeah, go ahead and write your ideas. There's so much trash in the internet rn, no matter how bad you think your writing is, somebody has definitely already posted something worse out there.

And you're most likely a non-english native speaker, so what? I learned English writing fic. My first fic was so fucking badly written, but it still got around 1 million readers and is still getting more!

I know people who are English native speakers, but even they fuck up their own language (which btw is the easiest language in the world).

Oh??? So you're one of those ppl? WRITE, WRITE, WRITE. You'll never improve unless you practice, and you can't practice if you don't WRITE. How do you expect to sound like Tolkien if you don't work hard and practice by writing?

Start WRITING.

You may have the most amazing ideas in your brilliant head, but if you don't write them, and if you never post them, then no one will ever know about them. You have gifts to give to the world. Don't starve the world of what you have to offer.

Write, write, write. You have nothing to lose. Your confidence is ALREADY low, your self-esteem is ALREADY LOW, you literally have NOTHING to lose. Just write.

Afraid of being criticized? Lemme just remind you that whoever criticises you YOU'LL NEVER MEET THEM IN YOUR LIFE.

That's what's great about the internet, everybody you interact with online, you'll never, ever, ever meet them. So what if they tell you your writing sucks? You.don't.care. It's that simple. You write because it makes you feel good, now, because a few mfs don't like your writing, THEY DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT to tell you that your writing sucks and I will explain you why.

Do they pay you to write this fic????? No. Fanfiction is a free work. So, they have no right to have demands like "noooo you shouldn't have done this" or "BADLY WRITTEN, 0/1O" like FUCK OFF if you don't like it DON'T READ IT, MF

BUT, when you get critique like "that sentence needs a comma" or "you could've put this word here instead" THAT kind of critique is IMPORTANT.

DON'T GET OFFENDED when you get that kinda critique, ffs don't be a crybaby, you NEED to improve. Even if you are fucking Tolkien, you NEED to keep improving. Keep adding new words in your vocabulary and for the love of God, learn Grammar cuz English grammar is the easiest there is. Get.better. You can't stay stagnant.

If you don't get criticised by complete strangers, you'll never learn what you do wrong! If you give your mom, your friends, your bf/gf/x to read your fic, they're gonna tell you that it's great, it's amazing because they love you. But strangers show no mercy. They are brutally honest. They have absolutely nothing personal with you. They'll simply tell you what you do wrong. Let them point out your mistakes and better yourself accordingly.

That's what progress is. Do that, and in five years, you'll have improved so much, your confidence will be in the highest heights, and you're gonna look back at your first fics and you're gonna be like WHAT KINDA GREMLIN WROTE THIS lmao

If you don't try something, you'll never discover your potential.

So what if you fail completely to learn anything? Did the world end?

Try harder.

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