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lizard-on-a-window-pane · 7 months

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OMG😵‍💫 LITERALLY TRYING TO KILL ME… could u do a 5, 16, and 29 for your kinktober masterlist with sirius and remus… im actually going insane rn but anyways hope ur doing well and remember to take a break🪩 thank youuuu beautiful writer

5: first time 16: threesome 29: anal

my. god. seems like you want to kill me! this is one i'd been thinking about trying for so long actually...

okay, so i started writing it, and was going to write a brief lead up, and ended up writing too much. so. i'm posting that here now as a kind of prologue since i'm itching to get something out there and people seem to prefer shorter bits. then i'll write the proper request tonight and link it here when i post later today or tomorrow

UPDATE: link to the actual smut fic

(thank you for requesting! so so love to hear from you🫶)

so to start:

pre- remus x sirius x reader

word count: 1.4k

Prologue

It was for the best, you’d all decided.

“We’ll all still be friends no matter who you choose,” they’d both said when months of sexual tension and emotional turmoil had finally climaxed in a conversation.

Sirius and Remus: your two best friends in the entire world. Jaime, too, but it was different. He’d been quite preoccupied lately since getting together with Lily, and he was the only one you saw in a brotherly way. Sirius and Remus, your two best friends in the entire world… well… your feelings for them were less sisterly.

And, it so happened, they felt the same. Both of them.

The attraction, the affection, it had all finally become too much, had begun to strain the friendship. And since protecting the friendship was the purported reason none of you were acting on your feelings, you’d finally had that colossally awkward conversation.

Their proposal: you choose. That way at least two out of the three of you get what you want, and the other can start trying to get over it; all three of you promise to prioritize your friendship even if it takes some readjustment.

Your response: you couldn’t. You loved them both too much to hurt either of them or, honestly, to even be able to make the choice.

So, you’d all agreed, it was for the best if you continued as you were. At least now things were out in the open, relieving some angst, some awkwardness.

Open conversation had done nothing to relieve your feelings, however, and not just the fluffy ones. Those, at least, you could still indulge with your best friends. You could laugh together and talk and go out and even snuggle up on cold nights. But your lust for your boys you could not indulge, and in the pit of your stomach — and a bit lower — it grew and grew.

Some nights, it became just a bit too much, and you’d opt for a bit of… personal time. You’d touch yourself to the thought of them; one suddenly swapped for the other in your fantasies then back again and so on, not even your mind ever picking a preference.

You have plans with them later but are at their empty flat quite early. They have more space than you, so it’s not uncommon for you to hang out here without them. They’ve even given you a key.

James is out with Lily, and Remus and Sirius are out on some errand, hunting for some part for Sirius’s motorbike or something. You hadn’t paid too much attention, to be honest, just knew they’d be home in — you check the clock — a couple of hours.

Enjoying the peace, you read a while, snuggled up on their sofa, Remus’s big, fluffy blanket too inviting to ignore. You stretch out our legs and hear something fall onto the floor. Looking over, you see you’ve knocked over Sirius’s favourite leather jacket. Picking it up, feeling its familiar texture in your hands, in the privacy of your solitude, you bring it up close and inhale. It smells so distinctly of him, and Sirius’s scent has always intoxicated you.

At the thought of his arms wrapped around you when he’s wearing this jacket, you get a bit warm. You shift Remus’s blanket partly off of yourself, but rather than cool you down, this gets you thinking about his arms around you the many times you’ve shared this blanket. The way his body feels up against yours. The way he’ll often pull your legs on his lap. The way Sirius will come complaining about him hogging the blanket — and you — and sit on the other side of you, resting his head on your shoulder. His long, raven locks tickling your neck.

Before you realize you’ve really decided to do this, you’ve slithered your body prone; your hand has slipped into your trousers; your eyes have fluttered closed, and your mind is reeling at the thought of them, one on either side of you, doing more than snuggling.

I can be quick, you think. They’re not meant to be back for ages anyway, and I can’t very well hang out with them when I’m already all flustered.

A minute later, your trousers are partly off, and you’re properly touching yourself, completely absorbed in the textures, the smells, the fantasies of the jacket, the blanket, the boys they belong to, the boys whose bodies you want all over yours, the boys whose key you don’t hear because you’re so caught up.

As the door flies open, so do your eyes, and they meet each of theirs in turn, both sets wide and starting. You yank your pants up and pull yourself together, jumping off the sofa.

A mess, your voice is raspy when you say, “I thought you weren’t going to be home till later.”

A beat. They’re both still staring at you, their mouths agape, their feet seemingly glued to the entrance.

Then Remus awkwardly clears his throat.

“Um,” cough, “yeah. Bloke canceled. Didn’t have the part.”

“Were you just touching yourself?” pipes up Sirius before Remus is even through with his short explanation.

“I…” You’re mortified. “I’m sorry! Fuck. I thought I had the place to myself for a while! Oh my god, I’m so embarrassed.” You cover your burning face with your hands. “Ohmygod ohmygod. Please, is there any chance we can just forget this happened?” you plead.

“Fat chance,” Sirius barks, and you glare at him. “Okay, okay,” he yields, hands up, “We can pretend.” He smirks.

“Pretend what, arsehole?” you say.

He opens his mouth to respond, but Remus cuts him off, saying “— that we didn’t see anything…” Even he is struggling to choke back a laugh as he pats Sirius on the shoulder and adds, “Right, mate?”

Sirius, sarcastic seriousness smeared across his features, just nods.

“Oh my god,” you say again, seemingly having forgotten the rest of your vocabulary, shaking your head at the situation and plopping back down onto the sofa, face back in your hands.

They come over, laughing now but comfortingly, and sit on either side of you. Sirius’s arm comes around you, and Remus’s hands take yours and pull them off your face. Surprising you, Sirius is the first to speak.

“It’s fine, love,” he chuckles. “Honestly.” He rocks you back and forth a bit.

“It’s not like either of us haven’t had a wank on this sofa.”

“On the sofa??” Remus retorts. “Your room is right there for fuck’s sake.”

“Alright, I stand corrected,” Sirius continues, completely unfazed, “It’s not like either of us haven’t had a wank in this flat.” He laughs again, and Remus scoffs, shaking his head, but can’t help but also chuckle.

“Okay, okay,” you rush, not wanting to start thinking about them wanking, “Can we please talk about something else before I die of embarrassment?”

They agree and let up, and you turn on the telly, desperate for some distraction. The three of you start watching, and after a few tense minutes, you attempt some casual conversation, asking about their days and such. They answer, but the strange mood never quite seems to dissipate. There’s a charge in the air that mere time is no match for.

You flip the channel and, to your horror, are met with a couple kissing passionately. You turn it off, much too quickly to be at all subtle. You shift slightly in your seat in between them. They’re both much tenser than usual, keeping more distance than usual but somehow pretending not to with an awkward graze here or there. Sirius is squirmy; Remus is too still.

“How about some music?” you try, getting up and beelining for their record collection and putting something on.

Realizing it will be even weirder to sit somewhere else, which you never do, you sit back down between them.

Except for the music: silence.

Until Sirius whispers, his voice gruff, “So who were you thinking about?”

Your head whips toward him, and you’re met with an expression you’ll never be able to erase from your mind. His stormy grey eyes are blown almost fully black and slightly hidden under heavy lids. His mouth is slightly open, but at seeing your face, his eyes scanning your features, he bites his lower lip. There’s lust in every feature, certainly, but there’s desperation too.

You turn toward Remus. He looks equally wrecked.

His eyebrows furrow, and you’re unsure whether that’s meant in question to Sirius’s query.

You look back and forth between the two men, the air around you heavy and electric.

“Honestly?”

They both nod.

“Both of you…” you confess.

continued in this smut fic

#marauders #marauders x reader #sirius x reader #remus x reader #sirius x remus x reader #wolfstar #wolfstar x reader #marauders smut #sirius black #remus lupin #james potter #kinktober2023

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heyidkyay · 6 months

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And I'm petrified of being alone, now |

Part Eight

Matty Healy x reader

Summary: She’s just trying to get by, really. What with being a single parent to her four year old son whilst simultaneously trying to kick start a successful career as a radio presenter. She’s got everything she’s ever wanted though, friends close by, a mum who’s merely a phone call away, and of course her baby boy. What else is there to wish for? But then, it’s not long before her relatively normal life gets upended and turned on its head, and she’s suddenly forced to deal with situations she’s never even thought to imagine.

What happens when one mention of a certain controversial singer on her show sends a flood of unexpected challenges her way?

Authors Note: Hey! Quick note, this part has a LOT going on, it jumps from pov 2 or 3 times, but there's details mentioned that will make more sense later on, I hope that leaves no one confused:) Also there are a few new characters coming in, some will stay, some won't, so keep that in mind! I was gonna end this part like halfway through and then post, but it felt a little unfinished, so here it is hope you enjoy:))) x

Warnings: A short scene revolving around body image, mentions of scars, drugs, sobriety and heavy drinking

Masterlist

Messages now Jamie O (glasses!) In the area, fancy meeting up for coffee?

It had been a good few days since I had last messaged either Jamie or Matty. Though the latter hadn't seemed to have caught onto the fact that I had suddenly distanced myself. Jamie, on the other hand, had and had surprisingly given me some space with it.

Well, up until now that was.

It was a weary sigh that escaped me when I gazed down at my phone, needless chatter of gossiping mums and squealing children having faded far into the background.

I had only just managed to drop Teddy off at nursery, dipping and diving through the crowd to deliver him right to the classroom door, and was already halfway out of the playground now. It was my first day off in weeks- like proper day off. And now, I had Jamie to deal with.

Alright, maybe that was a bit harsh, but saying that, I wasn’t so much of a twat to just ignore the first message he’d sent me in a while. Especially after I'd disregarded all of the man's previous efforts. Still I couldn't quite stop myself from huffing quietly as I shot him back a message, anxiety creeping in.

Messages now Closer to Tufnell Park than the studio at the minute

Jamie’s response came only seconds later.

Messages now Jamie O (glasses!) No worries! Meet you near The Dome?

Sidestepping a few latecomers as I exited the school gate, I chewed on my bottom lip but eventually sent a text to let Jamie know that I'd be there. I only hoped that the man didn't ask too many questions about my sudden disappearance, I wasn’t too sure I could take the heat.

Early morning rush hour was in full swing by the time I’d made my way out onto the highstreet, people bustled past me to get to work without a care, or even an apology, for anyone who got in their way, zooming on ahead like a soldier in a storm. That was one of the things that had taken me some time to get used to, in truth. How different the crowds of London were to the tiny population of my hometown.

I'd just surpassed the underground station when I caught sight of a vaguely familiar head of dishevelled hair. Jamie stood a way ahead, smiling at the passersby with his hands shoved deeply into the lining of his coat's pockets. He wore a pair of dark, fitted trousers and had a smart looking scarf thrown haphazardly over his right shoulder, something to shelter him from the exaggerated cold.

Somehow, his face seemed to brighten upon seeing me approach.

"Glad you could make it!" He said as I approached, and he clapped my upper arm in light greeting. "Thought you would have managed to beat me here though."

I made do with a small smile, before gesturing my head over towards where a quaint cafe sat up a few doors down so that we could begin walking.

"Nah, it's pretty hectic trying to escape the crowds at this time. Did you catch the tube up here then?" I conversed and saw Jamie’s brow dip for the briefest of moments before he hastily shook his head at my question.

"Oh, no. Was just leaving a meeting up in Shoreditch, you were on my route so I thought I'd ask."

I gave a low hum, unsure, but didn't comment on it when I thanked him for holding the door open for me to pass through.

"What are you in the mood for then? It's on me."

"Ah, no it's-"

I didn't even get the chance to decline the offer before Jamie was waving me off with a charming smile and a wave of his arm. "Honestly, mate. It's fine, a cup of coffee won't have me out on my arse. So what do you want?"

Blinking with a somewhat disbelieving shake of my head, I prattled off my usual order in a low murmur and told Jamie that I'd find us a table. Just wanting to be helpful, but also to get a second to think things through.

The cafe wasn't too busy. It held the expected usuals; a handful of early-rising old timers and a couple of suits headed in late. So there were a few free tables up for grabs. I picked the one by the window.

Jamie joined me a few minutes later, wearing his usual grin as he carried over a tray of goodies. I raised an eyebrow at the mountain of sweet pastries procured but the man simply shrugged.

"Looked like you'd had a long morning, figured you to be the chocolate type." He commented as he nudged a large croissant in my direction.

Just looking at the buttery roll made my stomach grumble. Teddy and I had been in a wee bit of a rush this morning to get out of the house after my alarm had failed to wake us, so I'd skipped breakfast and picked Teds up something to eat on the way into school.

Toying with the rim of the coffee's handle, I gave Jamie an appreciative smile. “Cheers.” I breathed out and carefully pulled the plate in a little closer.

After that we both simply sipped at our warm drinks for a short while, watching as the morning commuters passed by the large window. It was a calm affair and far from as awkward as I might've expected the meeting to be. In fact, it was actually the first time Jamie and I had met up since that day at the studio, and even then we hadn't had much of an opportunity to chat.

Still, Jamie’s company felt very similar to that of Adi's- perhaps even Finn's. It allowed me to relax a little.

It was only after I'd broken off the end of my croissant that I spoke up.

"So, is driving across London at nine in the morning just to buy me a drink your idea of a date, or do you do this with all your mates?"

Jamie blinked at me once, twice, before his eyes widened in alarm, which caused me to, quite literally, snort into my tea.

"I'm joking! Don't fret. Just wondering why the sudden change in pace."

Jamie gifted me a sheepish grin in response and took a quick swig of his coffee before he finally replied.

"You went quiet on us." He shrugged as he picked apart a blueberry muffin, separating the berries from the soft sponge, which amused me somewhat. "Gave you a couple days to breathe, but I reckon you've had long enough. You wanna tell me what's up?"

My eyes strayed back to the window as I withheld a sigh, knowing full well that this had been coming.

“You know how it is.” I shrugged, almost petulant, and gripped at my cup a little tighter. "Just got busy. I mean, you have to deal with Matty and the band constantly. Can’t be an easy feat."

I received a laugh in turn but my attempt at a little lighthearted humour didn't derail Jamie.

"I know we haven't known each other that long, and you really do have no reason to trust me, of all people, with your problems. But I am here if you ever need anything. Can't speak for Matty, try as I might, but I wouldn't put it past him to go completely out of his way to do whatever you asked either." He chuckled to himself then, like he knew something I didn’t. "He actually hasn't been able to stop talking about you, you know. Not since we met."

I tapped at the mug and felt my tongue prod the inside of my cheek to keep from snorting at Jamie’s words. I just shook my head.

"Doubt he's even noticed I've stopped replying." I quipped lightly, trying to shrug off the sudden emotion that admission had stirred up.

"Ah, so you have been ignoring us then."

I inhaled sharply and dropped my gaze. I couldn’t outright lie to him.

"Yeah, sorry. Just had a lot going on, you know? This is all new for me, you and Matty, you've just. I don't even know. You just turned up out of the blue and..."

"Sort of invited ourselves into your life?" Jamie filled in with a wry smile.

"No, no! That's- that's not what I meant. Honestly. It's just strange. Different from what I expected." I attempted to backtrack, but ultimately failed.

"No, I get it." Jamie assured, but didn't push the topic any further. "You're stupid, by the way, if you think Matty hasn't noticed. In all the time I've known him, the idiot’s only ever texted me when he's needed something- but the last couple days? I don't think my phone’s stopped going off."

I shovelled another piece of the chocolatey pastry into my mouth to keep myself from replying or reading too much into that.

Jamie released a breathy chuckle and shook his head, as though he could read my reaction, my thoughts. "You've been good for him so far, Mouse. No parties. No drugs. Can't say the same thing about the drink, but he's cut a lot of it out. And I'm chalking that all up to you, ‘cause I can't think of anything else that might've changed in his life to have forced his hand like this."

His words confused me, but then he paused for a moment and purposely caught my eye.

"Whatever's happened, don't let it keep you from opening up. Not just for his sake, but for yours too. Besides, you can never have too many friends, can you?"

I wiped at my mouth before dipping my head in quiet assent. "No. I ‘spose I can do friends."

Jamie all but beamed, looking pretty proud of himself as he reached across the table for a scone. "Now, tell me all the things that I've missed."

***

Matty practically jumped out of his seat when he heard the front door rattle shut.

He'd been on edge since the moment he had woken up, but had decided to try for once. He made breakfast (well, rather a late lunch), tried all that meditating malarky (his therapist would be, oh so, proud), and even ended up doing a loop of the block in a desperate attempt to keep his chaotic mind at bay. But nothing. Nothing. Had been able to keep him from wearing the soles of his feet into the fucking floorboards.

"And where’ve you been?" Matty instigated as soon as Jamie strolled into his sitting room with his usual smile, shaking off the autumn chill he’d invited in with him.

"Around." Was all the twat replied as he draped his heavy overcoat on the back of one of the upholstered armchairs. He paused to eye Matty closely. "Why, what's got your knickers in a twist?"

Matty’s scowl was infamous by this point, but Jamie was one of the fair few to have gotten used to it. A right shame, that. "Nothing! Just- I texted you, wanted an update."

Jamie quirked an amused brow his way and it took all of Matty’s nervous pent up energy not to blow up at him. He could feel his own irritation building though, it tingled in the tips of his fingers and raised goosebumps across his skin.

"That all? You know the team won't give us an answer until they’re certain that it all won't fall through."

Matty gritted his teeth together and tugged a rough hand through his dishevelled hair. "It's bollocks! It's our fucking album, why do they get a say in what happens with it?"

Jamie sighed quietly to himself as he wandered over towards the heavyset globe sat in the far corner. Matty watched on as he slid its top off and procured a pair of tumblers, pouring two fingers of murky whiskey into each of the old fashioned glasses.

"You know why, mate."

They'd had this conversation too many times before. And yet,

Matty clenched his jaw to keep from snapping, lashing out, but his knuckles whitened around the glass when Jamie pressed it into his palm. He almost wanted to laugh.

"Thought you wanted me off the drink?" He remarked coldly but swallowed the spirit down before Jamie could give him an actual answer, or take it away. He only wished that the alcohol burned brighter, these days it barely left a bitter tang on his tongue.

Jamie didn't touch his own as he made his way on over towards the chaise lounge, but his fingertips tapped a smooth rhythm against the crystal. The house didn’t make a sound.

Matty followed, as expected, restlessly flinging his feet up onto the centre table before his agitation once again began to overwhelm him. He huffed when he dropped them back to the floor again, the heavy vibrations grounding him somewhat as he moved to rest his elbows on the knobs of his knees.

"That newest story's doing wonders for you right now though." Jamie told him gently when Matty’s quick eyes met his gaze, his hands still toying with the full glass. "They want to rebuild your image. Figure it'll help with album presales, and they're not really all that wrong, mate. Since you've been out of um-”

“You can say it.”

Jamie rolled his eyes but barrelled on, “Since you've been out of rehab. Well, the public's been enjoying seeing this new side of you. Besides, I thought you liked whatever her name was."

With a scoff, Matty forced his gaze away. "It's complete shit and you know it. PR just wants control. For me to fall in line. And the public couldn't give a single fuck about what I do! All they live for is the gossip, the drama. And that's what I do best, no? Don't worry though, J, I'm sure I'll fuck up sooner or later."

"Don't talk like that." Jamie scolded as he pushed his tumbler onto the table and moved a little closer. He looked to be fighting an internal battle, his fingers twitching on the inseam of his leg to keep himself from reaching out to comfort.

"Oh, fucking come off it, Jamie! You know it's true." Matty spat back, the rage once again building. These past few days had had him fraying. "I bet they’re already sitting there at that table just waiting for the other shoe to drop. And I already know they’ll want to be the first in the know, when I finally do fuck up again. Spout about what a waste of space I am! How they should've sacked me off sooner. That it should've been me and not-"

"Don't."

Jamie’s voice cut through the room like a blaring siren, but Matty had never heard him speak so lowly.

"Don't go there. He wouldn't want you thinking that way."

Matty locked his jaw and narrowed his scrutinising eyes at Jamie. "Don't act like you know what he'd want."

Jamie glanced away for the briefest of seconds and inhaled slowly before his gaze finally returned. Matty could see his own torment reflected in Jamie’s sad eyes. "It hurt me too. You know that."

Matty forced his eyes closed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Unable to deal with the many emotions that threatened to overpower him. He swiped Jamie's drink off of the table and swallowed it down in one, then swiftly stood and strode across the room to make another.

The amber liquid warmed his chest as expected and he felt the moment it hit his empty stomach. He braced himself against the globe's golden stand, leaving his hair to fall helplessly into his face. Thankfully, it shielded his glossy eyes from Jamie’s view.

It was still so hard. Most nights it was all he could ever picture-

No. Not today, he rebuked. Not now. Not again.

It was a never ending nightmare that he just couldn't seem to wake himself up from. And how he fucking wished he could wake up.

Matty went to refill the glass again but faltered. His hand stilled, midair, fingers itching to grab at the ancient old bourbon that sat only inches away, but instead he reached into his trouser pocket and pulled out his phone.

Too many notifications cluttered the screen. But not a single one from the person he wanted to talk to most.

In a fit of dismay, he went to throw the stupid thing at the nearest wall but a hand caught his wrist before he could do any real damage.

Matty’s eyes flickered up to meet Jamie’s- he choked.

"I just-" He tried to force out but the words felt like thick bile in his throat. His lip trembled and Jamie tugged him close. Matty wondered when he'd ever allowed the man to get so close. To breach his high walls.

"I know." Jamie hushed him, allowing a steady hand to come to rest at the back of Matty’s neck. "I know, mate."

Matty wondered if he truly did.

***

Mesmerising.

I let the word play over and over on a loop in my head as my fingertips trailed along the jagged lines of my torso.

Seventeen I'd been- my first time with this boy from college and he had called the scars I was forced to bare mesmerising. As if they were something special, something to be proud of. I'd frozen back then, the word had, so suddenly, hindered my entire world, but he'd gone on exploring without even noticing the way my mind had started to spiral.

The scars had always been a difficult pill to swallow. They weren't mine. I hated how others could so easily claim their own. His scars. My scars. Hers. I didn't want them. They were just there. A myriad of haunted memories to which I'd been burdened with since the age of seven.

All these years later and still I couldn't recall the smooth expanse of skin that had once been there- untarnished, unharmed.

The bronze shadows, created by the setting sun which illuminated my bedroom walls in a burning shade of amber, crawled across the floorboards beneath my feet and caressed my skin. They dipped and curved, exaggerating sharp lines and hallowing shallow slopes.

I'd only meant to have a quick shower, in and out, before Finn inevitably ended up dropping Teddy back home. But I'd left the wardrobe door wide open in my haste to leave early this morning and had yet to shut it, exposing the slim mirror attached to the inside of the wooden door. A slip up.

So now my distorted body stared back at me mercilessly and I couldn't find it in myself to tear my eyes away. The meek girl stood within its four cutting lines just wasn't me. It was simply the reflection of a sheltered kid who'd been forced to grow up far too quickly.

Her skin, hardly what you'd pale but not far off, was flushed and pink all over from the steam of the shower. Her hair, still damp and wet, clung to the majority of her forehead and dripped water droplets down the line of her throat. Her eyes, usually a deep, warm colour, were somewhat sunken, hidden behind heavy lids and long lashes. The dark circles that sat beneath them only emphasised the muted scarlet that rimmed her waterline- a lack of sleep.

I wet my lips. They were dry, bitten from hours of relentless anxiety, but parted enough so that my front teeth could just about be seen. Her face was lined by worry. Fine wrinkles etched themselves around the corners of her eyes and mouth, then again between her furrowed brows.

The scars, faded but somehow still raw, swept up her neck and collarbone, and jumped over her right shoulder. One crept across the cut of her jaw, whilst another sliced through the bridge of her nose to meet another, smaller scar, on her cheek. Her chest, where it had been previously impaled, was now stretched and knitted. Some lines were a few shades darker than her natural complexion, maroon, and oftentimes cardinal. Others were lighter, pale and whitened. Faded.

A gruesome gash down the centre of her abdomen led to a spattering of fine hairs that lined her navel, trailing low beneath the hem of the towel she'd wrapped around her waist earlier. Her hands were now fisted at her sides though, so much so that prominent veins danced up the insides of her forearms, skirting around the few fawn freckles that painted her skin.

Mesmerising.

The sudden blare of a mobile ringing sent a sharp chill up my spine and knocked the air back into me. Shakily I inhaled, averting my eyes from the mirrored prison, then spun round on my heel to answer the call.

There was no greeting, no small talk. It was cutthroat and to the point.

"I need a drink. You coming?"

And I had never answered a question quicker.

It was a hard task, squinting down at my phone in an attempt to concentrate on the text I was trying to send to Finn, but the strobe lights and throng of people around me were making the task rather fucking difficult.

To be honest though, I couldn’t actually remember the last time I'd stepped foot inside a club. Or even spent an entire evening sat in the local pub. But I’d been all but desperate, and so, in the heat of the moment, I had practically jumped at the first offer I’d been given.

I was beginning to second guess that decision now though as I pushed my way through the rowdy crowds, the assorted smell of liquor and sweat already clinging to my clothes. I hadn't really put too much thought into those, too busy trying to escape my own head. Really, I’d just thrown on an old skirt from my uni days, a top that made my tits look great but hid the scar there, and the well-worn leather jacket Finn had gifted me at the end of my first year working on the show.

I had just sent the text off, double checking with the man himself that he was still alright to have Teddy til the following morning, when a raised voice caught my attention.

Frowning, my head snapped up but that soon faded once I caught sight of the tall ginger propped up against the bar not too far away. My lips curled up into a lopsided grin on their own command and I was quick to pocket my phone, already moving towards him.

"Mighty Mouse. You actually made it!" Ronan Kelly bellowed in that familiar Irish lilt of his, welcoming me in with a hearty squeeze to the waist as we embraced. "It's a feckin' miracle!"

I gave him an impish smile and dipped my head slightly to rub at my nose, then made the effort to catch Ronan's icy gaze. "I guess it has been a while."

"A while- Babe, I ain't seen you in months!" Ronan laughed, flashing a row of white teeth and wrinkling his bright blue eyes. I felt some of my worries ease at the sight of the man's familiar face, a warm reminder of older days. "Can't believe you actually agreed to come out with us!"

I shook my head and released an airy chuckle, "You know how it is, Ro- got Teddy to worry about now."

Ronan's face, if possible, lit up even further at the mention of the small toddler. "Ah, grand! How is the wean? At school now, right?"

It was sweet of him to ask and I smiled up at him as I went to answer, but was forced further into Ronan’s space when some prat barged past me to get to the bar. Ronan caught me by the waist with a natural ease he’d always been capable of and narrowed his eyes at the guilty party from over my shoulder.

Not wanting things to escalate, I did my best to quickly wave it off and distract. "Teddy's good!" I heard myself tell him, voice slightly raised to be heard over the pulsing music, tiptoeing almost now in his grasp. "He's with Finn at the moment."

Ronan's gaze reluctantly trailed back to me upon hearing me speak, he reluctantly smiled and nodded but had yet to drop his hands from where they were now stationed at my hips.

"I'm sure Finn is completely lovin' that."

With a light laugh, I rolled my eyes at his sarky reply and moved to press my forearm up against the edge of the bar’s countertop. "They're a proper little duo. Finn has been a saint, what with all his help and that. Don't think I'd be standing here today without him really."

"Well, let's cheers to that then, hey?" Ronan grinned, then raised a hand to gesture over towards the barman.

Within seconds two pints were being placed on the bartop, a dizzying yellow colour filled to the brim with minuscule bubbles that had my mouth watering. It had been a long while since a fresh pint of lager had wet my lips and it helped that Ronan’s presence was a comfort.

"Sláinte!" He announced brashly, already having hoisted his glass into the air between us.

"Cheers!" I laughed, clinking our glasses together before gulping down a too large swig.

"That's what I like to see!" Ronan whooped, almost proudly. He squeezed my right hip in celebration before choosing to steer us both away from the bar and over towards a wall lined with darkened booths. "Come on, Auley and everyone's waiting over here, been excited to see ya!”

I only nodded in reply, pint close to my chest as I followed after him, bobbing between an array of patrons effortlessly now. The earlier anxiety shovelled deep, deep down.

***

Withdrawal was something Matty had never thought too much about in the years before. He'd always had everything right there, on tap. A quick hit, a line just to pick him up. It always felt so easy.

But now, without the copious amount of pills, the parties, he finally realised why the fuck people were never able to stay away for too long. Because sooner or later, they always ended up crawling back.

It wasn't so much the flu-ish like sickness that had him reeling, although he really could've done without the high-fever sweats and the full body tremors. It was more that ever encompassing sorrow. The depression that never seemed to lift- but then again, depressed wasn't even the first word he would use to describe it. It was like a thick plume of murky black that fogged every exit, far beyond the gut wrenching nausea that clawed away at his insides at all hours of the day, or the constant drilling in his head that kept him from sleep.

Being without-

Being without was practically maddening. A spiral of hellish days with no escape, the only choice he had was to carry on or simply turn back. And he'd come too far now to run towards the latter, he’d already made that mistake. And if he had anything to thank his godforsaken mother for, it was the sheer stubbornness they both so clearly shared.

Matty couldn't complain though, he wouldn’t, as much as he wished he often could though, because he was still leaning heavily on the spirits. He knew. As well as the band and Jamie, who'd also been hellbent on 'helping'. In their own way.

Although the idiots hadn't made things much easier for him, the guys hadn't put up much of a fight against his drunk ramblings or the never ending mood swings. They just took it all in stride. Which Matty was mostly grateful for.

The alcohol though, he'd currently taken to using as a crutch. He'd drink a little more and more just to cope with the effects, the longing, to get him through to the next day. But he'd never felt too dependent on it before and didn't feel as though it was a massive problem now, he'd been drinking since before he'd worked out how to pick the lock on his dad’s old liquor cabinet. He’d keep drinking ‘til he was near the grave.

The drinking though, was just a baby habit in comparison to the drugs.

It was also how he'd managed to find himself out on a Thursday night.

He'd actually managed to forgo Hann's mothering this time, sending his mate off home early from the studio before he'd called up an old friend. Itching for that familiarity of older times, shaking with it really, but knowing better.

"Oi, Healy- you still with us?" Crowed a loud voice in his left ear.

Matty startled at it and turned back around to find the one and only Danny Willis hanging over his shoulder, usual open-mouthed grin on full display, a drink in hand.

He blinked up at him once before Matty’s lips turned upwards into a lazy smile, he spun around on his foot to get further in his friend's face. "Thought you'd gone off with that bird?"

"Who, blondie?" Danny questioned, smirking now. "Nah, wouldn't have left you hanging all alone, mate."

Matty snorted.

"Ah, so you do care!" He drained the dregs of his bourbon then grinned at the twat, "Always wondered whether you fancied me, Danny boy! Guess this just proves it, don’t it?"

Danny wound an arm around his shoulders and leant in to press a sloppy, wet kiss to his cheek. Matty pulled away, cackling as he tried to shrug the added weight off.

"Prick." Matty scoffed lightly, stumbling as he rubbed at his face. He grunted at the small group he'd accidentally bulldozed into in his haste and they all scowled in return, but it wasn't long before Danny jumped in to rescue and steer him away.

"Come on. Let's get out of here, hey? The next bar awaits and all that." Danny proclaimed, chucking back the remnants of his own drink. Matty chuckled when the man winced and then wiped the corners of his mouth. "Reckon we might be able to find someone decent for you to take home there!"

Matty merely hummed in reply as they pushed their way through a set of double doors and out into the night, not really listening as he propped himself up against Dan's side, ignoring the whispers that tended to follow wherever he went.

"Ah, look at that, would you!" Danny's voice came again, right by his ear, as he paused on the pavement to cock his chin outwards, forcing Matty to follow his gaze. "It's a full moon!"

Matty rolled his eyes.

***

"Come on, Mouse!" Auley tried for the umpteenth time that night. His larger than life smile, I noted, had always been much gentler than that of his brother's. "You can't stay cooped up in this booth all evenin'! You need to put yourself out there, darlin’- have some fun!"

I shook my head, chuckling up at the giant of a man standing before me. "I swear I'm fine here, Aul. You go and have enough fun for the both of us."

Auley's face scrunched up in distaste as he reluctantly pushed away from the table's edge, the dim lights of the bar illuminating his hair, almost seeming to set it alight as it added a halogen glow to the already coppery red.

Ronan chose that moment to reappear, brushing past his brother to settle back into the booth next to me. He set two more drinks down on the table. "Leave the poor lass alone, won’t you, Aul! You know how she gets."

I rolled my eyes, albeit fondly, and Auley did the same as he slowly backed away, mouth quirked upwards. "Yeah, yeah. Yer like a pair of old women, you two- peas in a pod or somethin'."

"Ah, shove off!" Ronan laughed, a deep rumbling sound that shook his whole body. "Think I can hear the dance floor callin' your name, mate."

"Too right." Auley quipped, flashing another bright grin at his brother before he turned back to face me. "Know that this isn't over just yet. You might've won this battle but you ain't won the war, darlin’. I'll soon get that dance."

I snorted, but was unable to help my grin. "One day, babe."

Auley winked at me and I watched on as he melted into the mob of people before us, leaving Ronan and I alone.

I observed the crowd for a long moment, taking note of all their dizzying smiles. For a Thursday night, the bar was oddly rampacked, but I couldn't find it in myself to complain too much, not when everyone seemed to be having a great time.

There was a large group of us out tonight. Alongside asking me to join, Ronan and Auley had brought along the entirety of their flat as well as a few others, some from uni, others from work, I reckoned. They'd all split up within the first half hour though, but they kept drifting back and forth, I could easily spot Penn and his brightly coloured shirt over by the snooker table in the very far corner, and most of the girls had crowded together out on the dance floor.

"Havin' a good night then?"

I repositioned myself upon hearing Ronan's question, he was closer now in an attempt to be heard over the music, and I sipped at the foamy top of my pint before answering. "Yeah, I am. It's, well it's been a while since I last did anything like this." I chuckled, eyes roaming the room again.

Ronan shifted closer once more, the booth’s leather seat squeaking quietly under his weight as the song on the overhead speakers faded into the next.

"I'm glad. We haven't seen you proper since yer last year at uni."

It was true but that wasn't just down to me, I felt the need to say. But instead gave him a small smile as I just shrugged, thumbing the edge of the table, "Life gets busy with a baby. Plus, it's not as though any of you lot had time to just drop by and see me, with all your classes and what not."

Ronan’s lips pursed at my words and a quiet stretched between us. I watched on as he fiddled with the bottom of his pint glass, before finally he replied. "Could've made time. Finn did. Cassie, too. Just- it felt strange, going back after that summer and you not bein' there."

To be honest, I didn't really know what to say to that.

As much as I had loved my time at university, I hadn't really had much space for it in my life after Teddy had come along. And although I’d never regretted my decision to leave, not after everything I'd gone through to get to where I am today. Because my God, had that been hard. I did sometimes miss the memories I’d made there, the people I’d met and, surprisingly, the workload too. It made me question whether I could have had it all, a degree and a baby. Although, I somehow doubted that that was what Ronan was grasping at here.

But it wouldn’t do well to continue to dwell on the past. I'd already spent a large portion of my life doing exactly that, and I’d known in the long run that I would have to have let go of some things in order to provide a better life for Teddy, better than the one that I’d had. I wanted my son to have every possible opportunity, every choice, in order to better himself. I wanted him to be a kid for as long as life would let him.

And as much as I really did love spending time with Ronan and the old gang, I also knew that come tomorrow morning I had actual commitments and responsibilities to attend to. I didn't have the opportunity anymore to skive and bunk off of lectures so that I could deal with a nasty hangover and sleep in. Teddy was always relying on me to come through. And come through I would. Every time.

But right now! I just needed to let my hair down. Enjoy an evening away, and maybe (hopefully) get rid of some of that tension that had been piling up over the previous weeks.

Thankfully though, I was saved from answering when a flushed Alice came hurrying over, clinking her cocktail on the table so hard it's fruity contents spilled out across the wooden surface. The overexcited girl, who was practically bouncing on the balls of her feet, didn't pay much mind to the mess as she threw herself into our booth and peered over her shoulder to search for something or other.

I shot Ronan a bewildered look, but the ginger merely widened his eyes at me as if to say that he had no clue what was going on either.

"Er, you alright, Al?"

Alice's head snapped back so fast that I honestly fretted a little over the whiplash she must've felt.

"No?! Do I look alright?" Alice stressed, digging her perfectly painted nails into the red cushion that lined the booth's back. "You'll never believe who Penn and I just saw walk in!"

I only hid a smile to myself whilst Ronan decided to humour Alice. "Who d’ya see, Ali-cat?"

Alice's face was nothing like I had ever seen before, her usual pretty smile had been traded in for a kilowatt grin, bunching her rosy cheeks and narrowing her soft brown eyes.

"That singer! You know- the one with the hair and the face! Ah, what's his name? From that band!"

"Matty!" Answered Indra- seemingly a friend of a friend of a friend- who had bounded up to our table in the time Alice had been freaking out, practically hyperventilating. "The. Matty Healy!"

"That's who!" Alice exclaimed and was nodding away excitedly now, whilst I simply sat frozen, drink halfway to my lips.

"Didn't you interview him?" Indra queried suddenly, her eyes as wide as saucers whilst her gaze flitted back and forth between me and the bar at an impossible pace.

Shakily, I set my glass down.

"You did?" Ronan piped up beside me. I swallowed thickly before turning my head towards him, then back towards the two girls, who were anxiously waiting on my reply.

"Uh, yeah." It felt as though I’d forced the words out of my mouth. A ball of cotton having replaced my tongue.

"Oh, Mouse! Introduce us, would you? Please!" Alice all but squealed imploringly.

My alarmed eyes flickered back to Ronan again, then Indra, and then Alice.

My mouth had never felt so dry as I tried my best to ground myself, to get over the sudden, unexpected headfuck that had sent my mind reeling.

"Ah, I don't know, Al. It's, well. I-" I really did struggle to find the right words that could possibly get me out of this entire situation, but before I even knew what was happening, Indra was already reaching for me and pulling me up out of the booth.

Alice jumped up to join her and patted my sleeve eagerly before proceeding to try and drag me away. Ronan, thank the stars, reached out to stop them just in time, tugging on the hem of my jacket and shooting the two girls a sharp look.

"Oi, you two. Behave, will yer? You didn't even give her the chance to answer."

Alice looked up and flashed me a sheepish grin, "Sorry, hun."

Feeling sheepish and rather relieved, really, to be freed from all the clawing hands, I waved her apology off, knowing Ali was only just drunk and excited. "It's fine, just- I think I'm better off heading home now in truth. You know, I've got Teddy to think about."

Both of the girls' disappointment was overwhelmingly obvious, but they didn't push it any further, simply nodded and tried to smile as best as they could.

"No worries, Mouse. You get on home, babe. Sorry again."

"Wait, you're not actually leaving, are you?" Ronan questioned suddenly, causing me to cast a glance over at him. He was frowning now, that much was obvious from the deep set line rapidly forming between his bushy brows. "It's not 'cause of that tosser, is it?"

Immediately, I felt myself shake my head, already knowing that the lie would taste bitter in my mouth.

"Ah, come off it! Stay for another round at least." Ronan goaded me, moving to stand with the girls, his hand still on my elbow though.

"Nah, I'd best head home, Ro. I don't want to be dealing with a hangover as well as a screaming toddler tomorrow morning." I insisted with a lighthearted chuckle, I gifted him an apologetic smile whilst fishing out my phone to call a cab.

It wasn't even late yet, just gone eleven, and there was an unread text from Finn demanding that I have some fun. I gave a heavy sigh.

"Don't be like that, babe. Come on, one more drink and I'll even walk you home." Ronan raised a brow just as he jutted out his jaw and smiled.

It was tempting but...

I laughed lightly and shook my head. "Honestly, Ro-"

But the man wouldn't hear it. "Come on, ladies. Help me out here!" He implored to both of the girls standing either side of him now, the way he towered them was almost funny.

Indra giggled just as Ronan wrapped his strong arms around her and Alice, shaking them a little. Alice simply rolled her eyes at him in amusement, but pulled away slightly to squeeze my hand.

"It's up to you, M. You know we love seeing you, but I can call you a cab if you really want to head off now."

I could only smile at her and silently questioned why we didn't spend more time together outside of the group. I could easily recall Finn saying something or other about a pottery class the two of them had attended the previous weekend and wondered if that would be something I might enjoy.

"I'll be fine, babe. Thank you, though." I told her kindly, before turning to face Ronan. "You enjoy the rest of your night, alright? I'll text you when I've made it back."

"Mouse..." Ronan groaned unhappily, "Just one more drink. For me?"

I shook my head and tugged my jacket further around my body as I stepped away from the trio, patting down my pockets to make sure that I did have everything I needed.

"I'll come out again, soon." I promised them, but tried to aim my words at the frowning redhead as I continued to back away. "You can hold me to it."

Ronan worked his jaw before he nodded curtly, and I sighed to myself before spinning on my heel to hastily make my exit.

Only, it didn't quite happen like that of course, because, of all the people, in all the world, I just had to bump right into none other than Matty.

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mostofthingsmostofthetime · 11 days

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I finished the second episode of Heartstopper last night (wanted to post about it yesterday, but I was too tired from work), so here are some of my thoughts in no particular order for you now.

Good on Nick for checking up on Charlie after what happened. I found it odd, though, that he seemed more emotional about it than Charlie, but I guess they're in two very different places, mentally. One being 'why do I seem to like this guy way more than my other friends?' & the other being 'omg stop being so nice to me, your straight!' lol. Plus, I get that everyone deals with stuff in their own way & poor Charlie is probably so used to being mistreated that he might just be repressing the full weight of how his feeling as a copeing mechanism. It was also probably very cathartic to finally tell someone everything that happened between him & Ben (as I'm guessing he kept most if not all of it a secret from his friends & sister).

WE FINALLY MEET NELLIE!!!! And she is as cute as I'd hoped (though for some reason I expected her to be a different colour).

Sorry, Charlie, but Tori's right. Your hair looks exactly the same. Also, love that they kept the gag from the novel about her scaring him with her, always showing up suddenly without warning.

Nice to see that the outfits are on point for our boys so far with the plaid/black jeans (trying to impress someone, I see Charlie) & T-shirt/joggers (also what product is Miss Nelson using coz Nick's tops look soft as hell).

Wait, what season is it supposed to be because it looked really sunny when Charlie was walking to Nick's house (I know he was wearing a coat & hat but Charlie is always cold) but then suddenly it's snowing? Idk when Alice first came up with this story, but as a Brit, I haven't seen proper full on Snow since I was probably around eight years old. But hey, maybe in the Heartstopper universe, global warming doesn't exist.

I don’t care what anyone says, I will never get the fun of a snowball fight. If I go somewhere with a friend & they start throwing stuff at me, I'm leaving! Also, picking it up with your bare hands? One, it's been on the ground 🤢, and two, where are your gloves? Do you not feel the cold? Snow angles do look fun until I think about how my entire behind would be frozen/damp. Sorry if that makes me a "stick in the mud", I don't care 😝.

Damn, that is one photogenic dog & and aww, they already look like a couple. Also, give it up for Nick's freckles, the real star of the show 👏.

Omg, being in the same group as someone you hate must be so hard, but I get why Nick can't really say anything about what Ben did, at least not right now. Also, what is up with that Imogen girl? Mind your damn business.

I think it's good we get to see Elle longing for a bond with other girls that she just can't get from her male friend group. Makes her transition feel more fleshed out (for lack of a better word), you know?

Yay, we finally meet Tara & Darcy & they're exactly how I thought they'd be (except I imagined Darcy with brown hair for some reason). Ooh I didn't know Elle was artistic. I wanna decorate pencil cases now. Tara's pink puffa coat is so cute. What is up with adults dictating how long kids' hair can be? Like who gives a fuck! Also "gal pals" had me 😆.

Oh, thank god, it's just misinformation. For a second, I thought Tao was making shit up just to make Charlie get over his crush. Are kids really like that, though? I can't imagine kissing someone once & having people insist, I'm madly in love with them to this day, like move on already.

Ok, I officially really like the gay teacher, lol.

Love Charlie's sweater & Nick's coats are also very nice. Where are these kids getting their clothes? Coz I'm embarrassed by most of the stuff I wore as a teenager.

The big hoodie moment should be cute, but I just can't help thinking about how skinny Charlie is, which makes me ☹️.

Ok, so I didn't care much for the leaf animation in the first episode, but omg, the little fire crackles when Nick was trying to hold Charlie's hand? Screaming, crying, throwing up!!!!!!! & the hug before he left? Fucking crops watered for life, bitch!

Was digging Elle's outfit, very 70's vibes.

Ah, so their "secret" is out. Also obligatory: 🗣 LET'S GO LESBIANS LET'S GO 🗣

Can't wait for the next episode, but I practically passed out after watching episode 2 (manual labour is hard, kids 😭), so maybe I hallucinated, but did that Imogen girl ask Nick out? I thought she was daiting Ben? Or is that a different girl?

PS. I found out Aled won't be in the show, which I accept & the only reason I haven't talked about Isaac is because he hasn't really done much yet

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ruckis--rookie · 1 month

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there is a specific art piece of your’s that seems to have vanished off the internets: “Dark Lord Gerakobitz - Bad End AU”. and I know it disappeared recently because I have a cross-post from your DeviantArt from November 2023

https://www. tumblr.com/loveandmad/ 733130379991629824/dark-lord-gerakobitz-bad-end-au- by-ruckis-rookie (remove the spaces) that now goes to a 404 page

Yeahhh about that. A lot of old art of mine of Fawful and the other M&L lineup has up and vanished. Twould be on purpose.

Y'see, after some very personal events I tried distancing myself from the M&L fandom. The game series remains very sentimental to me, but paired with the personal reasons and the poor treatment Nintendo was giving their fans, I took a long (possibly few) year hiatus. One of several reasons for my hiatus was guilt that I had strayed so far from the source material that the cast of characters didn't seem like the og cast of characters, rather OCs made to fit the mold of them. So by the time I came back I had revamped all the designs I had for the M&L lineup were revamped to be featured as an antagonistic group for my nonfandom oc story called "Order of the Stars" that I'm working on.

The one inspired by my old Fawful design, now named "Geragera", is VERY special to me. He was the one I projected onto the most in the past and he was the one I worked the hardest to distance from the source material without changing him so much that what I had built was no longer there. He's basically a second Fursona to me now. Words can't describe what he means to me.

But despite the many reminders that I gave to old fans that I would be moving on and if I were to ever return to M&L I'd be referencing the source material closer, people still kept missing the memo. Even years later some get confused and it really made me realize how much of an influence I had on shaping the fanon Fawful that's remembered today. It was... incredibly disheartening and upsetting given how hard I worked to make Gera his own character. And furthermore it didn't make sense to me HOW comparisons were still being drawn. I had disappeared for a while to let the fire and the hype die down, in what world to people think THIS

Looks like THIS

If anything at this point Gera takes more inspiration from Yoshi in appearance, I'm shocked more comparisons haven't been drawn to the dinosaur because then I might actually be flattered

But given the circumstances I'd been silently deleting a lot of my old works and archiving them on a personal thumbdrive. It initially started with things I'd see pop up in my notifications that people liked. If I deemed a picture too close to my old fanon Fawful I'd save and delete it. But eventually it got so upsetting to me that in an anger fueled moment I went on an art purge to try and erase the impact I left, or at least scrub what I could to let Gera have a proper limelight instead of being stuck in the shadow of the thing that inspired him. People were also confusing Order of the Stars for an AU, which it's very much not.

While normally I wouldn't have minded the exposure, in fact I would have been flattered had it been years prior (even though the same pic was very much up on Tumblr at some point), that picture was a sore reminder of the past I was so desperate to distance myself. One of many, and reminded me I had to scrub more than just Tumblr... and might have possibly been the catalyst to the purge? I dunno, I slept since then.

The closest you'll get to it now is a horror themed bad end AU that I made that follows a very similar concept

And this is very generous considering the hell I've gone through. It got so bad that I haven't felt very compelled to draw Fawful anymore for fear of further confusion, heck, more recently I decided that I was just going to exclusively post any future M&L art I make over here because I got tired of people finding reasons to draw comparisons on other sites too. I even thought about dropping ANY M&L drawings related to Beanish just to get away from it, but decided against it. I've even started putting more emphasis on Gera's snout just to make him seem less Beanish, which sucks because I've had to stray away from what makes my style mine to begin with. I could easily change his colors, but I can't bring myself to. He's been like this for years now and it's a characteristic that I can't easily let go of, nor do I want to. I've very begrudgingly changed my Beanish HC so that they don't have blue tongues and blood anymore (which was initially nspired by a beta Cackletta sprite having a blue tongue). It feels like I'm having to strip any and all hc personality I gave to certain fandom characters just to create more distance, which sucks.

It gets hurtful after a while, especially considering Geragera has more than just one inspiration... but yeah, a lot of my old stuff got purged and personally archived for my own growth. Truly sorry about that, and for the being a lengthy explanation. Truth be told I also needed a reason to get this off of my chest but I was never prompted until now. For future reference though (and this goes for just about anyone) I would greatly appreciate if you asked permission before making a crosspost sharing my work. There's a good chance I probably would have said no on that one. Anything that remains on this site is either too sentimental to get rid of or still close enough to the source material to stick around.

#mail found under the secret rock #ruckis borks #even now I'm debating whether or not to add key tags I'm afraid people wont take this well #but I might have to #mario and luigi rpg #fawful #order of the stars #geragera guffaw #just to get the word out their and prevent future confusion #*there

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s3janus · 1 year

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Never thought the first thing I'd post here about tbosas would be Strabo Plinth analysis, but here we are

On a surface level, the most morally reprehensible thing Strabo does is provide the Capitol with munitions during the first rebellion and then move his family to live in the Capitol after its all over. Its the reason his relationship with Sejanus is so rocky, after all

But what I like about it is that if you really try to get into his head and justify it in the way he probably did himself, his choice to do this actually makes a lot of sense. From a perspective other than just "Oh, he did it because it was a good opportunity to make money, since District 13 was no longer providing nuclear weaponry for the Capitol." That's possible, but I think it's deeper than that

The way I see it, Strabo's decision to side with the Capitol was probably more of a survival strategy than anything. For him and his family

Strabo no doubt felt guilt over what he did. You could imagine him being completely cold and desensitised to the actions of the Capitol, I guess, but he had firsthand experience of what it was like in the districts whilst the war was happening. Even if he was living in a more privileged area. After all, if things were going to shit in the Capitol, it was probably ten times worse in even the best areas of the Districts. He saw the damage that the Capitol was causing and no doubt witness deaths over the events of the war, likely even deaths of people close to him

So, why would he help them?

Well, I think that if you look at the war from the perspective of the Plinth family, the outcome would most likely be a lose-lose situation. If the Capitol won, conditions would likely become even worse in the Districts. (Which ends up being the case.) But if the Capitol loses, well, what's the plan moving forward? He couldn't be sure of how well thought out the rebels ideas were, if they even knew what was going to happen, should they win. But things would likely become worse for a time due to a lack of proper structure. And the Plinth's, already living what seemed to be a perfectly fine life in District Two, would have a lot to lose, should shit hit the fan. Their munitions empire, for instance. Would a new, rebel controlled society even allow for independent munitions manufacturers? There's no telling.

These were likely the outcomes which Strabo was considering. And he wasn't only worrying for the wellbeing of himself and his company. If his munitions empire fails, if he loses his fortunes, well, he has a young son to care for. Say what you will about Strabo and Sejanus' relationship, a lot can be said about it, but Strabo seems to, on some level, want what's best for his son. Would Sejanus be able to thrive in a newly founded society, potentially without a munitions empire to back him up?

So perhaps, if you're looking at it like this, the best decision may be to side with the Capitol.

If the Capitol won, and Strabo had helped them, then it would be safe to assume that him and his family (his son in particular, consdiering young adults were being made targets of the Capitol's aggression and Sejanus would be reaching that age in only a matter of time. He couldn't have known that the hunger games were going to happen, however, he could have predicted that people of Sejanus' soon-to-be age range would face punishment if it all went poorly) wouldn't be faced with such severe punishment as other district people

So, even if it means turning his home against him, even turning his son against him, Strabo may see helping the Capitol as his only option. I can see no way that the Plinths wouldn't have suffered if he didn't.

His decision, whilst arguably immoral, was likely the only thing he could think to do in order to assure the safety of both himself and of those close to him. Like I said, he does care about Sejanus. That's shown in a few small ways, if you ask me. Particularly from the fact that when they did move to the Capitol, the main thing he wanted was for Sejanus to have a good education

If you're looking at it this way, and he did make the choice to help the Capitol out of a desire to protect Sejanus, it would make sense that the thing he would want once that protection has been assured would be something to allow his son to thrive (In theory.)

The whole thing likely came from a lack of any other reliable options and a need to assure Sejanus' safety, rather than purely for monetary gain. Even if the decision wasn't necessarily right, I think he did it for the right reasons

Ah, I love a morally grey character

#strabo plinth apologist/j #the hunger games #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #strabo plinth #sejanus plinth #suzanne collins #tbosas

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miralyk · 17 days

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wait, even though you draw yourself, you don't want to associate yourself with f/o or selfshipping communities? genuinely curious, and want to be respectful of boundaries drawing gift art for you

had to look up what "f/o" means but yeah i think i get an idea of what you're asking... i have a bit of a nuanced and long-winded answer wrt the Topic, which will be under the cut for convenience, but to start for for Fanart, i'm still very conflicted about my appearance both irl and in art, so i'm cool w something like drawing something like my trainersona or my pokesona/foxsona, but not art Directly Of Me, My IRL Self Showing My Bare Face, hope that makes sense!

as for the Specifics since this ask seems to be in response to a recent tag i did saying "i don't want to tag art of myself as self-insert or selfship", no, i don't selfship myself with al*x m*rcer or d*smond m*les, if that's what you're trying to indirectly ask LMAO;; it's just "guys being dudes", an older friend who babysat a little kid under their wing (eg axel and xion's dynamic, or "my coworker/college classmate that's super older than me" LMAO) sort of thing.

(full long-winded answer to this question and broad topic:)

i don't have a problem with selfshipping or self-inserts; any criticisms i have are just core "fandom issues" (out of character writing/art, ignoring serious themes/topics in the source material to flanderize or sanitize fanworks, excessive spam in tags, especially unrelated to the post and/or without proper blockable tagging, etc) that selfshipping/self-inserts can perpetuate like any other fanfics or fanart mediums.

for me personally, i technically do have "self-insert" stuff like trainersona/pokesona art and lore to even a selfship with riley called brilliantaurashipping, but i just try to keep it quiet and not bother anyone tbh. i don't have much confidence with my appearance or overall qualities as a person and the last thing i want to do is be ignorant and pretentious, which i feel like would be hypocritical just. constantly drawing myself. especially in a rose-tinted goggles and mary-sue "oh i'm perfect and nothing's wrong with me i have all the superpowers and plot armor in the world and i'm besties with EVERYONEEEEE" shticks,, it makes me wince for canon-compliance and "oh god i don't want to be someone shitty and ignorant like j*lloapocalypse" reasons.

i also don't want to risk annoying or bothering people... if you're autistic and/or a person of color too you may understand this struggle better, but i've had a lot of ""friendships"" where it turned out people who i thought mutually considered friends actually hated me the whole time and only held their tongue out of societal obligations, laugh behind my back as the "mean girl's autistic pet" thing, fail to communicate properly because of various social cues i couldn't process, and so on. i'd rather have up front, honest communication that doesn't sugarcoat anything or beat around the bush, so here i am doing the same with elaborating my thoughts and hope i'm not misinterpreted or have people make assumptions making things up based on lack of information too. this got a bit long but... yeah, overall i do like drawing, even of "silly" stuff like this, but there's a reason why the word guilty is in "guilty pleasure"

#ask #also i'm not gonna mince words here the dynamic begins showing alex/des being like the lame uncle/older brother for a *7 year old*#REALLY weird + creepy to turn that into the trope of 'waiting for child you practically raised Be Of Age to date'—That's Grooming #if i'm going to post actual selfshipping or self-insert stuff i should preemptively have blockable tags so just in case #trainer kao #trainer riley #brilliantaurashipping

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carewyncromwell · 5 months

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"Come with me and you'll be In a world of pure imagination... Reach out -- touch -- what was once Just in your imagination..."

~"Pure Imagination (cover)" from Wonka (2023)

x~x~x~x

Hey, I told y'all that the new Wonka movie made me want to draw some Jacob Cromwell content!! Hehe! 🥰

But yes. Considering that Timothee Chalamet has been my fancast for my boy Jacob for ages (though I initially picked Timothee because how he appeared in The Adderall Diaries, since I always imagined Jacob with long hair), I couldn't have been happier by what I saw of Wonka's trailers, because really, I thought to myself that even if I didn't end up liking the film, I'd have lots of fun new gifs to use in RP posts for Jacob. But as it turned out, I absolutely loved Wonka...and for a good chunk of the movie, all I could think is, "...Timothee is basically just playing an illiterate, chocolatier Jacob Cromwell right now. 😂" So yeah, a Jacob Wonka concept seemed like an absolute no-brainer...especially when the "dumb big brother/smart little sister" dynamic Wonka has with Noodle in the film reminds me so much of Jacob's dynamic with his sister, my OG girl Carewyn. Which reminds me...I also did a concept for a Noodle!twelve-year-old!Carey Bear to go along with this too!

In this alternate universe scenario, Carewyn and Jacob wouldn't be biological siblings -- instead Jacob Wonka is the orphaned son of soft-spoken chocolate genius Lane Wonka, while Carewyn is the orphan ward of a nasty conwoman who's simply called "Pipsqueak" by everyone because of her small size, only for Jacob to shorten the name down further to "Pip" and then ret-con the nickname to be short for "Pippa" (meaning "lover of horses"), because his new surrogate little sister sings songs about wild horses when she's sad and come on, it's a much better name than "Pipsqueak." And of course as it turns out Pippa's past is ultimately tied up with one of the three main members of the Chocolate Cartel, Charles Cromwell. It is weird to split this family up this way, but ehhh, the idea made me smile anyway. No idea who most anyone else would be, but I imagine all of the other characters would mainly be people significant to Jacob's story more than Carewyn's, such as Rakepick, Duncan, Olivia, and Madam Rosmerta, rather than anyone from the Circle of Khanna.

Oh yes -- and for those of you who need proper audio for that above bonus comic of Jacob Wonka and "Pippa"...here. 😝

Hold your breath -- make a wish -- count to three...and hope you all have a lovely night! Much love!! xoxo

#hphm #hogwarts mystery #my art #jacob cromwell #wonka (2023)#carewyn cromwell #wonka au #honestly wonka!jacob makes me laugh all the more because he IS a chocoholic #and he travels the world as a vagabond wizard in his canon so yeah that matches too!

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cheesybadgers · 3 months

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okay soooo tell me your favorite thing about writing the epic beast that is OHDH. i want the directors cut lol

Ahhh Alex, bless you and thank you for sending this question ❤️😘

And oh boy, where do I start?!! It’s hard to pick just one, so here are three main things:

1) I think one of the trickiest yet most satisfying parts of the process was figuring out a) how any canon divergence made sense for the characters and their motivations and b) what the impact of those changes were on future canon events. It was such a fine balancing act and I had a lot of lightbulb moments in the shower (I swear my shower is some sort of creativity portal lol) solving plot problems. I had someone comment on AO3 saying how much they liked the ‘butterfly effect’ of the canon divergence and that sums it up so well, because one change at the start of the fic has a domino effect on everything else.

Sort of linking on from this, I also had so much fun making characters interact who never met in canon, or only had very minimal screen time together. Horacio and Chucho obviously never meet in the show, but their paths crossing in OHDH led to a whole new subplot and ultimately helped shape the ending of the fic. I wanted this to be a transformative work rather than a re-hash of canon, so if I achieved anything, I think it’s safe to say I achieved that!

2) I was also surprised how much I immersed myself in fic research, more so than I ever did for my degree back at university 😂 I knew I was going to have to do some research when the story got to a certain point, but I just kept falling down different rabbit holes and it expanded my reading list in all sorts of directions I wasn’t expecting. It got me back into the habit of reading books too, which I’m embarrassed to say I hadn’t done much of in recent years. But knowing I needed to read X or Y in order to progress with a certain scene or chapter was great motivation.

I must confess, my knowledge of Colombian history wasn’t great before (it’s not something the British education system covers), but my reading actually made me question and challenge the source material in ways I hadn’t before. So, shipping might be considered just shoving two characters together like dolls, but hey, at least I learnt some history along the way lol.

3) Getting to make up a tonne of backstory (especially for Horacio, who is a bit of a blank slate in canon) and create OCs. I’d never created proper OCs before this fic, so it was fun building them around the main pairing, giving them their own personalities and histories but also letting them affect the story. I think the different locations throughout the fic were like OCs of their own too (I’ve been contemplating a holiday to Madrid since I wrote the chapters set there lol), so the world building aspect of it was a fun learning experience too, and not something that came naturally to me at the start.

I’m sure there are so many more things! I will also say it’s been the steepest of learning curves re: my writing skills as well. I’m probably not even consciously aware of everything I’ve learnt, but going back to earlier chapters has been difficult, because I was obviously much more inexperienced back then lol. The urge to do re-edits has been real, but I don’t think I have the energy for that right now (and it was posted as a WIP, so by its nature it’s going to show the progress of my writing from start to finish).

Back in 2020/2021, I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone (I think it was around a time during the pandemic when I realised how uninspiring my day job is and how little motivation I have for it anymore, so pursuing creative hobbies away from it seemed like a better use of my time), and it's safe to say I managed that with this behemoth 😂 It's been a huge journey of self-discovery and realising what I'm capable of. Fic used to be something I thought only other people wrote, so there were times I'd pull a metaphor or certain phrasing out of thin air and laugh at my laptop in shock, because I didn't think I had it in me to be poetic lol.

So, my advice to anyone reluctant to start a creative project because they don't feel skilled enough, please, please, please do it anyway. Seriously. Because you will muddle through, learn so much along the way and surprise yourself ❤️

Ok that was a bit of a ramble, but you did say director’s cut, so here we are 😂 Thank you once again for sending this, I've been in such a reflective and bittersweet mood since finishing, so it's nice to focus purely on the positive aspects of the experience 😘

#Ask #Asks #Replies #OHDH

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heartshapedbubble · 2 years

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Could I perhaps also get a jealous reader with soul catcher Norton this time? Thanks :) also take your time with all requests! I’m not a writer myself but I can see how school work and writing requests can be exhausting. Take a break once in a while and make sure to eat and rest properly!^^

sure thing anon, thank you for the kind words! i really appreciate them😭

also small disclaimer: this is going to be the last jealous reader imagine/fic/hc set, mostly because it's not something i usually enjoy writing and because it's quite exhausting to write. the rules will be updated after this post!

norton campbell soul catcher hcs with a jealous s/o🧲☠

"mi corazón?" the tall figure whispered, revealing itself from the shadows. the familiar face made you sigh in relief - it was just norton.

you noticed his worried expression and unstable voice as he entered

...actually, he climbed rather than entered - he was quite accustomed to climbing up to your room whenever he felt like he needed company or someone to mess around with

this time though, he seemed serious

"oh, hey, nort." you didn't even spare him a proper glance. you were too busy knitting something, and norton noticed the way you sharply inhaled whenever he tried the start the conversation.

"i wanted to talk. about, y'know, some people." he sat himself onto the table you were sitting at, drumming with his fingers on the polished surface and thinking of what next to say.

"listen. i know i haven't been spending time with you as i usually do", he started, taking a long pause with each sentence, "but it's really not a problem. i'd actually like to speak to you about it, and explain myself if possible."

the last couple of words he muttered out made you throw your knitting needles aside. "other people...?" you mumbled to yourself. you definetly noticed him not being around for some time, but the reason being other people? unexpected of him. "you sparked my curiosity, nort. what other people?" knowing that he has been head over heels for you since the day he saw you, him replacing you seemed weird. and, to be fair, it kind of made you tear up inside - although you appreciated his honesty about the whole situation

he proceeds to tell you about the shamans and apprentices he has been spending time with, working on some group project with them and how he was overwhelmed with it for some time

"...and yeah. all of that stuff." he bit his lip, stumbling over his words yet again. "i just wanted to let you know and not make you worry."

you tried to process everything as soon as possible. anger - and, sadly - jealousy were eating you from the inside, and messing with your train of thought.

you sighed. "norton." you stood up, sitting beside the man. "i... trust you a lot."

norton, a man who used various tricks and what not to get what he wants, being trusted for once? he almost can't believe what he hears

he's so glad to hear that from your own mouth since almost everyone lost trust and faith in him, and from that moment onwards you could notice him being more intimate and comfortable with you

his eyes lit up, uncommon warmth glistening inside of them. "i'm honored. please continue.."

you barely contained yourself - you slowly laid your head under his, unknowingly seeking protection. although the man flinched at first, he slowly wrapped his arm around you, pressing his chin on the top of your head.

"and, i think i trust you to the point i believe what you said. i hate to admit it, but i was indeed a bit jealous when you mentioned it the first time." you buried his face in his chest. "so thank you for letting me know."

you could see his eyes light up yet again

he pulled you even closer to him, slowly rocking back and forth with you as you spoke

you looked up at him. "please, next time something like this happens, will you tell me beforehand?"

"definetly, but... does this mean you accept my apology?"

"yes, norton."

he chuckled softly, gently rubbing your back and kissing your cheek. "then, of course, cariño."

he pressed his hot lips onto yours, pulling you into his lap and slowly brushing your back with his hand

#identity v #idv #idv fanfic #idv headcanons #idv imagines #identity v headcanons #identity v x reader #idv x reader #identity v x you #idv scenarios #idv norton #idv norton campbell #identity v norton #idv prospector #identity v prospector #prospector #norton campbell #soul catcher #norton campbell x reader

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clairelsonao3 · 11 months

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15 Questions Tag Game

If I do one tag game a day, maybe I can get caught up by the end of the summer! 😅

Thanks to @enne-uni whose post is here and @tabswrites whose post is here!

Rules: answer the questions below as yourself and/or your OC.

I've already answered for myself in an earlier post, so I'm going to quiz my two MCs from Good Slaves Never Break the Rules together.

1. Are you named after anyone?

Him: Um, I'll have to get back to you on that.

Her: My paternal grandfather was named Louis and my maternal grandfather was named Daniel, so I'm Louisa Danielle.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Him: I pretty much stopped crying around four or five. As a slave, you learn early on that crying won't help and usually only makes things worse.

Her: Five minutes ago when I dropped my phone.

3. Do you have kids?

Her. No.

Him: Oh, hell, no.

Her: But you're open to it someday, right?

Him: Uh, let's talk about this later.

4. Do you use sarcasm?

They both look at each other and laugh.

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Him: Whether they're a slave or not — that's kind of important. After that, I pay attention to the way they speak and carry themselves, and whether I think they can be trusted — or manipulated. If it comes to that!

Her: Their eyes. And whether they seem kind.

6. What's your eye color?

Him: I believe it was once described as "somewhere between amber and gold."

Her: Gray.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Him: Scary movies.

Her: Happy endings.

8. Any special talents?

Him: Where do I start? Science of course, but also languages, music, mechanics, computer coding, acting, rhetorical persuasion ...

Her: Oh come on, you're making me feel bad.

Him: Now I'll do yours. Compassion, courage, problem-solving, standing up for what's right ...

Her: I feel better now.

9. Where were you born?

Him: Luxembourg City.

Her: Phoenix, Arizona.

10. What are your hobbies?

Him: Piano, chess, reading — mostly about science, but I'm discovering literature isn't as pointless as I thought it was. Not like I ever have time for proper hobbies, anyway.

Her: Reading, crossword puzzles, traveling. and back when I could afford it, fashion and shopping.

11. Do you have any pets?

Him: Never, but I've always secretly wanted a dog.

Her: We used to have an English setter named Artemis. She was actually my brother's, but I loved her.

12. What sports do you play/have played?

Him: Growing up, I played football with some of the local kids. Real football, not that weird American football.

Her: Tennis, and I have a sailing certification, though I don't really have the head for knots and rigging. Daddy's been trying to drag me out onto the golf course since I could walk, but I told him I can hold out longer than he can.

13. How tall are you?

Him: 188 centimeters. That's 6'2" for you Americans.

Her: 5'6".

Him: That's 167 centimeters.

Her: Thanks for that.

Him: No problem.

14. Favorite subject in school?

Him: For the sake of this question, let's pretend I went to school. Chemistry, physics, and maths.

Her: English, biology, and French.

15. Dream job?

Him: Rocket scientist.

Her: Brain surgeon.

Both: We're not kidding!

Gently tagging:

@coffeexafterxmidnight @silverslipstream @rubywrite

@romanceandshenanigans Not sure you do tag games, but I'd love to get to know your MCs better if so!

Also OPEN TAG because I don't know who has and hasn't done this yet, or maybe they want to do it for a character they haven't done it for yet!

#15 questions #tag game #gsnbtr #my writing #writeblr

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eirasummersart · 4 months

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So I said I would offer you some of my ocs for possible ships and here I am... (haven't found sexualities on the bios so bare with me if I mess up)

For Dillon I wanted to offer Erena or Eve mainly cause Erena could go on fun adventures with him and would know well with is boundaries and Eve... is very smart and still wants to learn lots about humans...

For Dalia... either Kome or Mellow Mellow is also more art focused and gets kinda nervous around cute girls, he would be interested... while Kome has lots of stories to tell and has a love for literature which could be a nice combo.

For Domas... Carol could guide him in a better direction while giving him a good fill of praise, she is also stressed a lot so extra help be fine. Gilly might find him more entertaining than annoying... might also be pointing him in a better direction to help others

Akshaya... most of my "Strong people" might be old but... Zariyah might be a good pick... she wants to be a hero and keep people safe... and she is very patient with people so...

Lastly for Szilárd is really hard but... Dragiselle could be maybe an option.... Flynn maybe too... thoughts behind this is moreso that they are moreso been through hardships and know to deal with similar problems... and Flynn can match some drama... but this ideas are more loose

Hope you liked my little talk maybe something comes out of this.^^

Hello!! Thanks for this ask~ ❤

It's fun to find good interactions between OCs, so let's hope we can get something out of these 👀 And sorry it took me a while to get to it, I've been busy and tired lately, and I wanted to take a proper look to these and make sure I got it all right! It's long, so continues under the cut~

Also, about the sexualities, I don't have that in their info posts, my bad. I have talked about them in the past but I understand that would be hard to find just looking at the basic infos for them! A fast list would be: Dillon: some sort of demi-bi (it's hard for me to grasp his XD), Dalia, Domas, Oriol: bi, Yuuki: Ace, Szi: Gay (can be lesbian if I genderbend, I don't mind doing that, but always has to be the same gender as Szi), and Akshaya not sure 🤔 I'd go with demi-bi too.

Anyway, now for the actual answers!

Dillon: I think both could have good dynamics with him, for sure. But with Eve it might be more of a friendship 🤔 But Erena would definitely get along a lot with him. They have a bunch of similarities (actually, Luffy was one of my inspirations behind Dillon hahah just little things). Also, he's GREAT at swimming, so he could help her out if she ever had problems with that~ Idk, just the picture of them going to adventures together seems quite cute and fun 😌💕

Dalia: For her, I think the two you said could work. With Kome they'd have lots of fun playing chess or other board games (Dalia really likes games that you play with logic and strategy). They could also debate or Kome could tell her about her stories. Also, just in aesthetic, I think their colour palettes would look nice together 💕 And with Mellow, if he's all nervous and shy with girls, he'd have lots of fun teasing him. And she'd find him adorable hahah But they could also bond over art and, aside from her teasing, she'd be really nice and gentle with him, so maybe he'd feel more at ease/less insecure around her afte a while?

Domas: For Domas, I am leaning more towards Carol, to be fair. Gilly is cute and they seem like a fun combo for Domas haha But Carol being much more down to earth seems like a better fit for him, so it doesn't end in full chaos xD Also, Carol's motherly vibe can go along well with his want to help people too, so they'd get along. But she'll need… A LOT of patience xDD Also, the pixelated food part made me laugh, since he's a great cook. Maybe he can help her cook more… nice looking food? xD OH, and the part where she gets flustered and shy easily, Domas is all sweet and gentlemanly, so he might make her blush a lot, which would be cute 🤭 (Also, apparently Domas has a thing for people with glasses, it seems /hj)

Akshaya: Aww, Zariyah seems super cute and nice, I like her. If she goes on about wanting to be strong to help other and/or to be a hero, Akshaya would definitely like her and want to be her friend. If she's all friendly open, she'd make Akshaya blush for sure too, but she'd like it. I guess it turning to ship would depend on how the situation goes from that point 🤔 it could also end in platonic, but I can see some ship potential!

Szilárd: First about this, don't worry, Szi is a complicated guy and it's hard for me to think of relations and frienships for him sometimes too hahah So I get it. Now, for the options you gave me, I'd say I don't see Flynn as much with him 🤔 I'm not sure how I'd approach the relationshi, Szi is just so mean, he'd just scorn him I think hahahaha I'm sorry, Flynn, it's not you, it's Szi being an asshole XDDD But with Dragiselle I can see it more! Well, in this case I'd go with fem!Szi from what I told you earlier. But she's all strong and cool. Maybe they could clash a bit at first (again, Szi's fault for being like he is XD), but I can see Szi seeing the good parts she has, her strong magic, her dedication and all, and wanting to be closer. Also, both have had isolated childhoods (for different reasons), so they can also find a common ground with that~ And since they're both "arts inclined" they might be able to bond over that as well. Idk, she's pretty too(?) that's a plus hahah

Ok, I think that's all I can comment on rn, until I hear your side of this C: Let me know what you think from this too, if any you like more in particular! :D

And of course it was fun to think all of this and try and figure out relationships <3 Thanks for the initial hard work at looking at possible maches too~

I hope you didn't mind my long answer either hahah

#Yuki Answers #fumikomiyasaki #twst OC #Oc x OC #other people's OCs #Dillon #Dalia #Domas #Szilárd #Akshaya

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wrestlingisfake · 7 months

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Ultimate Warrior and ECW?

With all the speculation about CM Punk maybe going to TNA, I was reminded of the time the Ultimate Warrior had people wondering if he'd give ECW a try.

In August 1999, Warrior posted a lengthy article on his website, to address his future. Fans had spent the better part of a decade wondering wondering what he'd do next. He'd burned his bridges with the WWF in 1991, 1992, and 1996. Jumping to WCW seemed to make sense...until he actually went there in 1998 and flopped badly. ECW was a viable third option for most wrestlers, but Warrior wasn't exactly like "most wrestlers." Even now the idea of him in an ECW ring with guys like Taz and the Sandman seems insane, sort of like transplanting Drax the Destroyer into an episode of The Boys.

The original post on Warrior's website is long gone, of course, but luckily I dug up a copy from the Usenet group rec.sport.pro-wrestling. Unfortunately, I couldn't find Paul Heyman's initial reaction to the overture, but I'm certain it was along the lines of "I'd be happy to respond to him, if only I knew what the hell he said."

For posterity's sake, I thought I would paste Warrior's post here, below the cut. If you haven't read Warrior's writing before, trust me--everything he wrote was pretty much like this.

***

Hello. Warriors. Since my short note here at Warrior Web many mails have come in. 99.9% of them positive; the other .01%, warriors don’t concern themselves with.

My comment, “I'm back” has been misunderstood. Like to clear that up right now. I'm back here at Warrior Web. Feels great to be, and I’m planning to do so more regularly, but I’m not back in the ring or back out in the world of Prowrestling. I do, however, understand how that could have been misunderstood. The last time I put forth major effort here on Warrior Web, those efforts, happened to coincide with a return back to Prowrestling.

Since the topic of choice and curiosity, for a great deal of you, is Prowrestling let me make a couple of statements about the probabilities of possibilities and the impassibilities of impossibilities.

WCW

Often I get mail with language content that clearly reflects the writer isn’t aware that I appeared at WCW. For those who don’t know or aren’t sure, I did; in the latter part of ‘98. A year ago, almost to the day, I began what was a 6-month/2 PPV contract that expired 12/31/98.

“Why,” many ask, “aren’t you still there?” Of course, everyone else has expressed their opinion. And in this business most of those are built on quicksand -- nothing about them is concrete. The truth is that there is no leadership @ WCW. Something I did not know before I started my negotiations, suspected during, and later, after signing, came to find out all too clearly. Eric Bischoff is a personable enough guy. His intentions are in the right place, but his leadership skills are sadly, brutally lacking. I don’t believe, from what I saw, that there's any malice or sinisterness to personally destroy anyone’s career. My position on this differs from others. But, I do agree, he doesn’t, as I saw it, do much to propel one either. Frankly, he’s acted more like the chairman-elect of the WWF’s welcoming committee, as talent frequents there, than he has as the President of WCW.

There is absolutely no proper preparation for the television programming. At all. I’m sorry Eric, but making yourself unavailable all week because you say you “need to clear your mind,” and not returning calls at all, and scheduling a paltry hour and a half to two hour meeting just prior to airtime on Monday night with all the talent, each one vying for his own vague range-of-the-moment agenda, while, at the same time, vilifying the agenda of others is not proper preparation, in anyway shape or form. “Spontaneity”, as it was called, is altogether different than trying to fill a void.

What I was told I’d have and what my character needed -- to exploit it to it’s fullest potential -- necessitated thinking, and that was too difficult for some individuals there to do. Who, specifically, those individuals are, I intend to discuss at greater length later. (see note re: book below)

The real blame lies with the leader. The actions and behaviors of the troops are set by the general. [“An Example Set is an Example Followed.” Brought to you by Warrior Wisdom.] When the general runs and hides under the covers or dives in a foxhole, the troops follow suit. Who are they to say or do otherwise? Especially when the mailbox always has a regular-arriving check in it, and Turner’s pockets are viewed as an “ATM machine,” and anyone who wants to tinker with the system is forewarned, “Don’t f%#$ with the ATM machine.”

Truth is, many don’t want to be the best and that “ don’t have to be, why try to be?” atmosphere becomes increasingly demotivating. Many are, and want, to be floaters, perturbers, disturbers, or slackers. On the other hand, there are some truly good-intended individuals over there butting heads with that bulwark of complacency, but as a whole, intentions are far removed from activations.

I’m proud of what I brought to WCW. I spoke openly about the deliberate diversions and people didn’t like that. My first appearance, a face to face interview with Hogan, Beefcake and Bischoff was a launching pad like no other, if they’d just utilized it instead of telling me “We think, maybe, you stepped over the line, uh, possibly, and made comments” -- during that brilliant, well-thought out, well-planned interview we never expected -- “that were too personal.” Are you kidding me? Maybe guys, it’d be better if you just stopped at, “We think, maybe.” Then I’d understand. Then I’d get it. Shortly after, I heard the words “too cerebral” and “Warrior’s turning himself heel by acting like that…” Little droppings of sentiment seeded in the minds of others by Einstein himself, Professor of Scatology, Kevin Nash. Well, if that’s the opinion held by others, I strongly disagree. And when faced with the facts I intend to release one day soon, I’d say it’s a damn shame some didn’t engage their cerebral a bit more. Because ultimately, as the ratings in the marketplace now vividly show, it has cost the company, irretrievably, as a whole. I expect this will be denied and refuted. That’s why we keep some back. Besides, the evidence speaks for itself.

It’s really funny and sad at the same time. I just find it odd when someone who wants to be the best at everything he does or tries gets shunned for that very reason. Something is really wrong with that. Really.

WWF.

This will not happen.

Look, I know what I put up here at Warrior Web will find its way to a load of “.coms.” So, before I make any statements discussing the WWF, I want to let you know that, as a fan, supporter and endorser of my wrestling career, you deserve a more thorough explanation. That is impossible for me to do at this time. In the near future, I will. Nonetheless, recognize that if the following statements were not true to the degree which I claim, I’d be doing only myself harm.

For now, just let me say that three years ago, again, almost to the day, I filed a lawsuit against Titan Sports, Inc., Vince McMahon, Linda McMahon (the et.al.) Three months from today, on November 16th to be exact, my day in court will be had. Actually, it will begin; trial is set for two weeks. It is, also, inexpressible to relay, intelligibly, the scope of effort and breadth of information that has transferred, transmitted and transpired between the parties in the last 3 years. Only those who have lived it can know. It would take a book. A book I intend to write. A candid, divulging, unrestricted tome I will write myself that is unlike any other this industry has ever witnessed. Today, all I can say with assurance, without violating my own case’s rights, is that Titan has avoided facing the truth for the last three years by creating lie after lie after lie. And when that hasn’t worked they tried another. As my own counsel has said in recent documents to the court, "The best thing they (Titan) do is create fiction." They continue to do so even as we approach the doors into the Halls of Justice. It has taken three years just to unravel and demystify the subversion of their legal arguments and claims. And I’d like to thank my legal counsel -- Joseph, Shawn, Charles, Lorraine, DeAnn, Jo Lynn -- for doing so.

“Why haven’t we heard anything about it?”

U.C.I./Warrior vs Titan, et.al. hasn’t made the front page of any papers or nightly news or talk shows for a few reasons. First, it’s not sexually scandalous and doesn’t, thereby, increase circulation or television ratings. Yet, it is about decadence; the lies and deception of Titan’s outrageous and morally corrupt bad behavior on many levels. It’s about a historical practice of claiming -- Machiavellian-like -- total, absolute credit for any creativity, development, or success of any character that company has ever employed. It’s about egregiously claiming the sovereign rights and operations to an individual’s physical and intellectual abilities. Each of those autonomously created by a being none of us, in reality, knows, certainly not Vince McMahon and his company, Titan Sports. It’s about an abusive use of cold, calculated power over individuals who simply want to succeed. Often times, naively, at any price. It’s about continuing a callous witchhunt in hopes that others, under the natural apprehension and skepticism of a deposition done by the uncouth, will remark that you’ve acted humanly, and then taking that human fallibility, that we all have, and turn a life lived into a drama of inimical intrigue and villainous character assassinations and portrayals. It’s about unprofessional, unethical and totally disrespectful choices and actions by a company and it’s counsel that.t.t…Strike that. And that’s just the beginning.

Titan doesn’t want their public to know that the liars and lies in this story -- the testimony under oath -- aren’t playing or part of a role on television. These liars and lies are real, not actors and lines; not part of a storyline created for entertainment. Righting the wrongs committed against me, my reasons for fighting this battle are mine and mine alone. None of which have anything to do with public support, opinion or praise; beyond the listening eyes and seeing minds of a jury. Besides, calling a liar a liar and a lie a lie -- before having the evidence to prove it -- would have just been a claim easily denied and refuted by Titan saying three simple words, “That’s not true.” Oh, Titan will still say, “That’s not true”, but they know that, too, is not true, and moreover, not capable of being denied or refuted as the record shows.

I was wronged severely by Titan, Vince and Linda and it’s representatives in ‘96 and, now as we come to find out, ‘92, as well, and I’m righting that wrong in the clearest, most absolute way. Through the Justice system. In November, I will, after three years of Titan’s blatant conniving misinterpretations and twistings of words, get my opportunity for Justice, Vindication and Reparation. Even with the Reparation being in the multi-millions, Justice and Vindication have a priceless worth all their own. In front of a jury of 12 fellow members of society and a judge who acts, and guides, objectively and rationally -- one who dispenses with the chest-pounding histrionics and casuistries -- Titan will be held accountable for the breaches they’ve committed against me. Once and for all the book of my dealings with Titan Sports will be closed. The Book of Warrior will be open, the lesson I’m to teach will be taught and I will speak freely.

By the way, welcome back Bulldog. Glad to see you’ve resolved your difficulties personally, and those issues, past, with Titan professionally.

ECW.

Many of you have written and asked, “What about ECW?”

So, let me answer that question like this. I think you’ll like it. Those who think will get it.

First, congratulations on your recent TV deal.

Now, I don’t believe I’ve ever met Paul Heyman. If I have, I don’t remember doing so. I only know him by what he’s accomplished and done and by what others have said of him. Also, I’ve never watched ECW. But, that in itself, doesn’t mean anything. I don’t watch or read about the sport at all -- that’s right, none -- unless, of course, I'm participating in it and by association see or talk or read something about it. I do know, from what I’ve heard, that he does wild things, creatively, with his promotion, or rather, he has talent that will do wild, outrageous, extreme things. Hence, Extreme Championship Wrestling. (Oh Warrior, you are so clever.) I suppose the overall wild nature of those wild ideas comes primarily from Mr. Heyman, ECW’s leader. And I will say that I, or anybody else for that matter, could do nothing but admire the risks some guys will take in this business. For example, look at Mick Foley. What he does with his body and well-being is unbelievable and must be respected on a level 99% of us in this business will never comprehend. Point is, I’ve heard that most of the ECW talent conducts themselves in a similar fashion and command, in my book, similar respect.

It goes without saying that if I’ve never met Paul Heyman, then he’s never met me. And, like I know him, he would know me, by word of mouth -- other people’s mouths. In this business, a story of guy picking his nose becomes a story about a guy who wants to pick a fight before the story makes it halfway across the locker room. Point being, we don’t -- can’t -- know one another from the mouths of others.

So let me introduce myself. My name is Warrior, not Jim Hellwig. If that bothers you, that’s your problem, not mine. I say that because people who know I’ve changed my name seem to very often have a problem with referring to me by my name. Again, their problem. I’m a stand up guy. I don’t wrong others, and I don’t want to be wronged myself. I’m a straight shooter in my talk and actions, and I expect the same. If I make a commitment in return for one I expect, I will fulfill mine if I get the one I expect. I don’t work others outside the ring, I expect the same. I’ve acquired a reputation in this business, as no doubt you have. I know of it. I heard it from another’s mouth, as you, more than likely have heard of mine. Mine, misinterpreted as being a guy who’s difficult, comes, truthfully, from being a guy who stands up and speaks out and takes action when he’s been wronged, or even when others have been wronged (ask around). The true one -- it’s one I’m proud to have.

I created, portray, perform and own one of the -- if not the -- most intense colorful, motivating, energizing personas in the wrestling industry. You can disagree, but you can’t convince me otherwise. That persona is recognized all over the world. Beneath the facade and the face paint, I am an astute, always “never too smart to learn” businessman who handles the business of Ultimate Creations, Inc., a multitude of projects, all of them Warrior related. Each of them potential moneymakers beyond the ring and all over the world. I have many interests and talents, only but one of them is the aforementioned Warrior as a Sports Entertainer, Prowrestler. I make no apologies for extending my business interests beyond the ring. Those put off by it are the ones with the problem, not me. I am a gracious supporter and endorser of other talented individuals. Those who know me well will tell you I’ve not a jealous, envious or insecure bone in my body, but I will challenge you to be the best you can be, and I expect the same. And if you are one to give less than one beat away from a heart attack in effort and intensity I’ll tell you so. I don’t enjoy being around floaters or slackers. I enjoy working with individuals who want to be the best and give the time and effort to be so.

Different than other mouthpieces express, I don’t have a “put you off” ego. I have an ego with the power to elevate and intensify others to their highest potential, an ego that solidifies a team; and if that “puts you off”, your own confidence and self-esteem is lacking, and that’s your problem, not mine.

To a newly televised, creatively charged iconoclastic wrestling organization such as ECW, a powerhouse character and marketing property like the inveterate Warrior could be the ultimate juggernaut to “leap tall buildings in a single bound” (jump past WCW post haste) and race “faster than a speeding bullet” (hot, hot on the trail of WWF). I am an extremely creative, energizing person. I’m not afraid to possibly take, creatively done, never before switching risks.

Let me end by saying, I don’t do normal deals and I don’t sign generic contracts. In addition, I’ve fought too hard for all my character’s rights to ever -- ever -- even consider, at any price, giving them up. Good Senses in your future endeavors. Bob Ryder has my number. Always Believe, Warrior.

Stay tuned Warriors. More to come by mid-week. Find out what the Warriorman’s been up to and what’s coming here at Warrior Web (a facelift is coming) and beyond. Let's get beyond the updates and get on to the warriorating power of making the most out of our lifes! Find out about Team Warrior, Project Warrior, Book of Warrior (BOW) and what other one-of-a-kind Warrior projects are going to be happening very soon. F-e-e-l the Power!

Always Believe. Man, you have to Always Believe. Warriorman ouuta here for now.

#ultimate warrior #jim hellwig #ecw #extreme championship wrestling

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