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aurorawritestoescape · 5 months

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Birthday Surprise

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader x Tommy Miller

Tw: 18+ mdni smut, mfm, power imbalance (boss/employee), ‘sir’ kink, praise kink, tiniest bit of degradation, oral (f/m receiving), cum eating, unprotected piv (wrap it up obv), creampie, rimming, multiple orgasms, butt slapping (light), voyeurism, swearing, no use of y/n

Word count: 3,2k

A/n: thank you @noxturnalpascal 💖 for an amazing idea to write fics based on this PROMPT: Pick a Pedge Daddy character - Joel Miller, Frankie Morales, Dave York, etc. (it can be Canon or Non-Canon/AU/No Outbreak).

PPCU Daddy is surprised - and excited - to learn that the grad/postgrad student he hires to watch his child sometimes also works as a: stripper/dancer/cam-girl/onlyfans-model/dating-or-escort-service (or straight-up SW)

I added Tommy to the mix cos what’s better than one Miller boy? Yeah, two Miller boys😝

Other fics based on the prompt: Room 301 @milla-frenchy Dancing is a dangerous game @noxturnalpascal Webcam for beginners @iamasaddie

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You’ve been doing stripping as a side job for a few months now. As a postgrad student you were broke and in debt. You needed money to help out with the tuition, which was unbearably high. On top of that your car broke down and you’ve been trying to save for a new one. One of your friends who’d done it told you that the money was good and the hours were flexible. So you decided to give it a shot.

The gig turned out to be great. You were often tipped generously and though the men were usually drunk and overly excited you’ve been lucky enough to be treated fairly well. They called you Diamond because of your sparkling silver costume and glittering boots.

Today you are shining at a birthday party. It’s a total sausage fest and everyone is excited about the headliner - you. The men are cheering you on as you’re giving your best lap dance to the man of the evening. The music is blaring while you are slowly taking off your sparking top before pushing your breasts together and swaying your hips seductively. You’re still wearing high silver boots and a tiny diamond-encrusted thong.

Everyone is already buzzed. Everyone except the birthday boy. He doesn’t seem to be drunk at all as his dark piercing eyes are sliding across your glitter-covered body with intent and hunger. Sometimes he gives his friends a little smile and laughs at their thirsty comments. But when his gaze returns to you his expression becomes focused and serious, one of a hunter whose unsuspecting prey is inching closer and closer, as he’s waiting for the right moment to strike. There is something hypnotizing about the man and you feel the magnetic pull every time your eyes meet.

You want him to want you. And judging by a big bulge in his jeans you’re doing great. You’re practically drooling over him as your hands are gliding over his broad shoulders, strong chest, running through his dark curly hair. After some time you see only him, and your heart flutters and core burns with desire.

You’re hovering over his lap, his face inches from your bouncing breasts as your hips move the way you’d ride him and your hands are holding onto his muscular shoulders. He wants to say something to you so you lean down bringing your ear to his plush lips. His breath tickles you and you giggle.

“Can I get a private dance?” he asks a little louder so you could hear him through the music. He tilts his head to the side to look into your eyes. He’s gorgeous. Older, just how you like them. A scent of whiskey and something sweet hits your nostrils and you feel yourself getting wet. Your pussy tingles and you both decide to give this guy whatever he wants tonight. You smile at him nodding your head, maybe a little too eager.

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That’s how you end up on your knees in the VIP room, fully naked between his spread legs, his cock deep in your throat. You’ve never done anything like that with a client but you just couldn’t help yourself. You would be fired in a second if anyone found out but you feel that he’s not the one to kiss and tell. His body, his eyes, his confidence drive any rational thought away from your mind.

When you were sitting on his lap having discarded your thong and boots and framing his legs with yours, your pussy was throbbing so much for him it hurt. You rested your head on his shoulder, turned to him and whispered in his ear, “You can touch me if you want”.

He chuckled and asked if he was allowed to but his fingers were already caressing your glistening seam. A few moments later he was fucking you with his thick digits, his tongue licking into your mouth. He knew his way around a pussy and you came hard, making a mess of his jeans.

Now you are sucking on his ball rolling it in your mouth with your tongue and slowly jerking his cock. His jeans are opened and tugged down his hips, your hand is splayed on his lower belly covered with soft hair. He’s watching you with a soft smile, half lidded eyes blown and hazy. You’re enjoying yourself so much you feel you might come untouched just from sucking him off.

That’s when HE barges into the room apologizing for being late. You hear the gravelly voice and your heart drops into your stomach. You freeze glancing up at the birthday boy with horror on your face. Fuckfuckfuckfuck!!!! Fuck! You recognise that voice immediately. You raise your head before glancing back. Of course it’s him! The father of the girl you’ve been babysitting for a few weeks. You always loved kids so babysitting seemed like a great idea. Well, until now when two of your clients met.

Joel Miller was always kind and respectful yet a little grumpy. You never blamed him, a single parent who worked very hard to provide his daughter with the best life. He was a great father judging by how well adjusted and happy Sarah was.

He doesn’t look grumpy now. With his mouth agape, he’s staring at the two of you and mumbles, “Fuck, Tommy.” He raises one brow and runs a hand through his dark hair in a nervous gesture. His black T-shirt rides up showing a slither of his soft stomach and a happy trail. Suddenly you remember all the times he would come home sweaty and hot from working outside all day and you bite your lip.

You’re used to being naked in front of strangers so it takes you a minute to realize you need to cover yourself up.

“Oh my god, Mr Miller. Fuck.. I’m so sorry,” you get up looking around for anything to put on. Of course there’s nothing except your tiny thong and the boots so you just place your hands awkwardly on your mound and breasts and stand between Mr Miller and ‘Tommy’, whose cock is still out and hard. He’s not putting it away, just sits there proudly. Your eyes are darting between the two men.

“You’re interrupting, bro,” Tommy says with a nonchalance in his voice. Now it’s your time to be surprised cos the man looks almost bored.

Joel visibly collects himself and comes up to you.

“I see that,” he says, looking you up and down and then turning to his brother, “Do you know that you’re getting blown by my babysitter?”

Joel looks back to you and brushes your arm with his big warm hand. You shiver at the touch.

“No shit! Babysitter?” Tommy sits up, finally expressing some interest. Joel hums and his brother chuckles and leans back again, holding his still hard cock in his hand, “Got yourself a new one?”

“Yeah… and I seemed to hit the jackpot,” Joel replies with a little smile but his eyes on you are darker, hungrier than you’ve ever seen him. Your skin erupts in goosebumps and you feel yourself like a bunny circled by hungry wolves.

“Mmm.. Mr Miller, I can explain,” you stutter nervously standing there like a school girl being scolded by a headmaster. You want to tell him that you don’t usually walk around sucking your clients off but Joel interrupts you, “No need to explain anything, sweetheart. Work is work. You did nothing wrong.”

His deep smooth voice makes your clit twitch and you almost gasp when he cups your cheek and lowers his face closer to yours, “I know you’re a good girl.”

“And full of surprises,” Tommy adds with a smirk looking at you almost differently, with more intrigue in the gaze and his cock twitches in his hand.

You glance up at Joel and his eyes slide to your lips and yours do the same. Your mouths are so close you’re breathing each other's air. His thumb is rubbing your cheek. Suddenly you jerk when Tommy coughs interrupting whatever is happening between you and your employer. Joel straightens up and his hand leaves your face.

“Ya know what,” he says walking to the chair across the room, placing it a couple meters away from you and taking a seat, “Don’t stop on my account.”

Your jaw drops and you freeze, hardly believing your own ears.

“You heard him, baby. We don’t need to stop,” Tommy repeats his brother's words as your shock is being replaced by excitement.

You hesitate at first but the idea of sucking a guy off when his brother is watching is so filthy that the burning in your core reignites again and you feel yourself gush.

You drop your arms exposing yourself to the men, come up to Tommy again and retake your previous position on your knees between his legs. You take his cock from him and turn your head back to Joel. His legs are spread, big hand resting on his inner thigh as he’s watching you.

You swallow loudly and turn back to Tommy. He must have read the anxiety on your face as he takes your chin between his fingers and gives you a warm smile.

“Don’t be shy, baby. My brother just wanna watch. Let’s give him something to remember when you come babysit for him next time.”

You blush, biting your lip and dropping your head. It can’t be happening. It feels like a weird wet dream. But you see this gorgeous weeping cock in your hand and your mouth salivates. And you would be lying if you said that you didn’t fantasize about Mr Miller bending you over his kitchen counter after your shift and fucking you senseless. So you bend down and kitten-lick Tommy’s fat tip. The man shamelessly moans and your pussy tingles at the sound.

You hear Joel’s groan as he must have a great view of your ass and pussy. The depravity of this situation makes your mind hazy and you arch your back wiggling your ass a little as you’re aching to be touched again. Your hand leaves Tommy’s balls which you were caressing and snakes down to your naked mound. You rub yourself there and then dip your fingers between your wet folds. A pathetic whimper escapes your lips muffled by Tommy’s cock and he twitches against your tongue stimulated by the vibrations.

“I think my naughty babysitter needs some attention, little brother,” Joel rumbles behind you and you hear a creak of the chair and his steps.

Parting from Tommy’s cock with a pop you turn your head and see Joel getting down on one knee next to you. You’re leaning on Tommys thighs, your elbows on his knees.

“You’ve been so good for my brother, sweetheart,” Joel says in a gentle voice, putting his hand on your back. You feel his calloused palm sliding down to your ass and then coming back up to your shoulder blades. “Has he made you come, baby?”

You nod your head staring up at him with slightly parted mouth. You still can’t believe you’re naked in front of the man you’re babysitting for and his brother. With the latter's precum on your lips.

“I’m a gentleman, Joel,” Tommy chimes in sounding offended. He glides his fingers along your neck, “Ladies always come first.”

Joel smirks and leans closer to your face not minding the stiff length of his brother just inches from you both and whispers in your ear, “Ya want another one?”

He presses his lips to your cheek and kisses you before traveling down to your jaw and neck. He grabs a fistful of your hair and holds you in place as he starts sucking a hickey into the delicate skin of your neck. You shut your eyes with a set of moans and tilt your head back for him.

“Don’t damage the goods, Joel”, Tommy jokes and the degrading remark sends you further into the depths of arousal.

“Please, make me come, Mr Miller,” you plead and both brothers seem to love it. Joel’s groaning against your neck while Tommy takes his cock from you and begins jerking his shaft.

Joel parts from you and you feel him gently pushing your head down. You follow his wordless command, lowering your face to his brother's crotch.

Joel guides you and when you open your lips he impales your mouth on Tommy’s cock.

“Yeah, just like that. Suck on it, sweetie, give my brother the best birthday present.”

Joel brushes the hair away from your face and watches you work Tommy’s cock for some time. His eyes are glued to your every move, every bob of your head, every swipe of your tongue around Tommy’s tip. The younger brother is holding your head on the other side and rhythmically raising his hips slowly fucking your mouth.

All this time Joel’s touch doesn’t leave you, he caresses your head, rubs your back and sides, until his hand snakes to your front and he grabs your breast and twitches your nipple. Your slick is dripping down your legs now and you can’t take it anymore.

With your lips still wrapped around Tommy’s cock you turn slightly to Joel and glance up at him. He’s panting and his half lidded eyes are clouded with arousal. He reads your expression and not being able to control himself any longer too, he orders, “Get up, sweetheart. But keep sucking.”

You do as you’re told placing your feet on the floor and standing up still keeping Tommy in your mouth. Joel gets up with a groan and walks behind you.

“Mr Miller’s gonna take good care of you, baby,” Tommy promises with a smirk and holds your arm to keep you steady in a new position. “Make sure she moans around my dick, bro,” he says louder and Joel hums in response.

“I know how to take care of a girl, little brother, don’t worry,” Joel quips, standing behind you as his clothed hard-on is pressed to your ass. You feel his fingers squeeze your cheeks and he gives you a light slap. You jerk and Tommy flinches, as your mouth moves on his cock a little too roughly. Joel chuckles and Tommy scolds him him,

“Be gentle, Joel, she’s got a mouth full of my cock.”

Joel laughs a little but his next movements are careful and soft. His big hands glide along your sides and down to your bottom again, rubbing your skin and making you clench around nothing. You wiggle your ass a little in invitation and he reads your signal.

“Look at her, Tommy. Can’t wait to be fucked by my fat cock while sucking on another dick… ahh..she’s gonna get a glowing recommendation from me.”

Both men laugh and you feel your pussy ache even more when they’re talking about you as if you’re not there and you place your feet further apart. “Ya wanna come on my cock, sweetheart, or my mouth?” Joel asks and you hastily part from Tommy and breathe out, “Cock, sir.”

“Fuck, baby,” Joel rumbles and you hear him unbuckling his belt and discarding it on the floor. You expect him to pierce you with his member any second now but you hear shuffling and then his warm lips kiss your pussy from behind. You gasp and Tommy smiles, gently pressing your head back down, “She’s like a little doe, so easy to spook.”

You lick the underside of the younger brother’s cock while Joel is behind you, peppering your pussy with open mouth kisses. Then his tongue slips between your folds and travels from your clit to your entrance. He spreads your pussy with his thumbs and your core burns with desire. You’re completely exposed, and you whine remembering that it’s Joel Miller who is about to make you fall apart while you’re blowing his brother. Joel’s movements are sure and effective and very soon your belly and thighs are trembling with an upcoming orgasm.

Mr Miller surprises you again when his tongue glides up to your asshole and he gives it a kiss after spreading your cheeks. You moan loudly not being afraid to be heard as the music is still blaring behind the closed door.

Tommy and Joel hear you well though and the oldest brother parts from your ass to lightly slap your cheek, getting your attention, “Ya like it, sweetheart? Will you let Mr Miller fuck your asshole with his tongue?”

“Yeah,” your whine, the sound muffled by cock. You roll your eyes in ecstasy and Tommy lifts your head by the hair a little to see the results of his brother’s actions on your face. Meanwhile Joel is licking your tight ring as his fingers rub circles on your throbbing clit. When he points his tongue at your little hole and starts poking it moving it deeper little by little you almost sob from the pleasure and lose your rhythm. You can’t concentrate on sucking any longer so Tommy pulls you off his cock.

“Hold it wide for me, baby” he commands, keeping you face above his red swollen tip and you do as you’re told, darting out your tongue. Your whimpers and moans fill the room accompanied by the squelching sounds of Tommy jerking his cock and Joel’s slurping on your tight hole.

Tommy’s eyebrows are furrowed and his gaze runs over your face, breasts and then your ass, being eaten out by his brother. The view takes him over the edge and he shoots his cum on your chin, lips and tongue. You close your mouth around his tip and drink everything he’s giving you. When Tommy pats your hand, you part from him and rest your head on his thigh, inches from his semi hard cock.

Joel gets up with a grunt and you finally feel his tip nudging at your dripping entrance. He impales you on his cock in one swift move and you scream when his tip hits your cervix. He’s big and your pussy aches trying to accommodate his thick length. You close your eyes and focus on the way his cock is gliding inside you, rubbing your sweet spot. A couple more thrusts and your whole body is shaking, ecstasy coursing through your veins, clit twitching and walls contracting. Your juices flow around Joel’s cock and he groans, “Yeah, good girl.. Fuck, squeeze Mr Miller’s cock.”

He begins thrusting into you vigorously and Tommy keeps you in place holding you tight while his brother starts pumping you full of his hot cum. Joel’s rough hands are gripping your hips leaving handprints on your skin while his cock is squirting seed deep into your pussy.

“Doing so good, baby,” Tommy coos at you, while you're nothing but a trembling shaking mess. He’s watching you both unravel and his cock twitches.

When your climax subsides and Joel stills and pulls out you fall on your knees between Tommys legs.

Both men help you up and Joel puts you like a rag doll on Tommy’s lap. You feel Joel’s cum leak out of you on his brother’s jeans.

You lean on the chest of the birthday boy resting your head on his broad shoulder, completely spent, drunk on endorphins and the depravity of what you’ve just done. Tommy lights up a cigarette as Joel gathers your clothes and boots and comes up to the two of you. He hands them to you and then caresses your cheek with a thumb giving you a warm smile,

“I’ll see you on Monday, sweetheart. Bring your costume.”

You smile back with a nod and he leaves.

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Thank you for reading!

Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!💖

Tag list: @missannwinchester @harriedandharassed @bbyanarchist @nervousmumbling

I’d love to rec the fics that have been feeding my obsession with the Miller brothers combo! Check them out if you haven’t yet!♥️🥵

The Wrong Way @romana-after-dark

Leopard Print @toxicanonymity

Stuffing @toxicanonymity

At the Table @toxicanonymity

Liquid Gold @gasolinerainbowpuddles

Two Hands to Hold @gasolinerainbowpuddles

Too Depraved 4 TV @bonezone44

Smack My B*tch Up @milla-frenchy

#pedro pascal #joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader x tommy miller #joel miller x reader #tommy miller smut #tommy miller x reader #pedro pascal characters #tommy miller #tommy miller x you #tlou fic #tlou hbo #joel miller smut

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darkskywishes · 3 months

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Levi and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

TW: mentions of rape and childhood sexual abuse

Throughout the course of Attack on Titan, and even before the canon timeline, Levi experiences innumerable traumas, not the least of which are repeatedly experiencing the deaths of his closest friends and comrades. By the end of the series, Levi has lost every single person he had been close to, being the last of the Survey Corps' veterans. Given the truly immense amount of traumatic events Levi suffers, it'd be difficult to believe that he wouldn't have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and indeed, he does display several key features of the disorder.

Paraphrased, the DSM-5-TR PTSD criteria are as follows (American Psychiatric Association, 2022, p. 301):

Criterion A: stressor (one required)

The person was exposed to: death, threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violence, in the following way(s):

Direct exposure

Witnessing the trauma

Learning that a relative or close friend was exposed to a trauma

Indirect exposure to aversive details of the trauma, usually in the course of professional duties (e.g., first responders, medics)

Criterion B: intrusion symptoms (one required)

The traumatic event is persistently re-experienced in the following way(s):

Unwanted upsetting memories

Nightmares

Flashbacks

Emotional distress after exposure to traumatic reminders

Physical reactivity after exposure to traumatic reminders

Criterion C: avoidance (one required)

Avoidance of trauma-related stimuli after the trauma, in the following way(s):

Trauma-related thoughts or feelings

Trauma-related external reminders

Criterion D: negative alterations in cognitions and mood (two required)

Negative thoughts or feelings that began or worsened after the trauma, in the following way(s):

Inability to recall key features of the trauma

Overly negative thoughts and assumptions about oneself or the world

Exaggerated blame of self or others for causing the trauma

Negative affect

Decreased interest in activities

Feeling isolated

Difficulty experiencing positive affect

Criterion E: alterations in arousal and reactivity (two required)

Trauma-related arousal and reactivity that began or worsened after the trauma, in the following way(s):

Irritability or aggression

Risky or self-destructive behavior

Hypervigilance

Heightened startle reaction

Difficulty concentrating

Difficulty sleeping

Criterion F: duration (required)

Symptoms last for more than 1 month.

Criterion G: functional significance (required)

Symptoms create distress or functional impairment (e.g., social, occupational).

Criterion H: exclusion (required)

Symptoms are not due to medication, substance use, or other illness.

I've indicated the symptoms that apply to Levi, or that I believe likely apply, based on canon content in purple. Let's go one by one.

Criterion A: stressor

During the canon timeline, Levi was exposed to both large amounts of death and threatened death, primarily due to titan casualties, but also due to the circumstances of poverty and deprivation in the Underground. Notable examples include witnessing his mother die and decay while he starved as a young child; Furlan and Isabel's deaths; the deaths of Petra, Oluo, Gunther, and Eld during the Female Titan arc; the loss of Kenny; Erwin and the new recruits' suicide charge against the Beast Titan; and Hange's sacrifice.

Levi experienced multiple instances of serious injury, with the most significant being his injuries resulting from the thunderspear explosion and the Battle of Heaven and Earth. Given the nature of blast injuries, it is likely Levi suffered from internal damage—in particular, rupture of the respiratory and hollow organs, such as the lungs and bowels. We're also shown he suffered complete separation of the index and middle fingers of his right hand, as well as ocular damage to his right eye. A concussion and perhaps a traumatic brain injury following the blast is also likely, as well as hearing damage. Following the Battle of Heaven and Earth, he also experienced significant injuries to one of his legs, necessitating the use of a wheelchair three years post-Rumbling.

In regard to actual or threatened sexual violence, Levi was born and lived in a brothel, in which his mom was a prostitute. It's not an exaggeration to say Levi was likely the result of rape. Given the circumstances of his upbringing, it's also likely he witnessed the sexual encounters between his mother and the brothel's patrons and was perhaps sexually abused himself when his mother was unable or unavailable to protect him. Given the Bad Boy panel previews, we also know he was directly threatened with sex trafficking on at least one occasion.

Only one stressor is required to meet this criterion, and Levi meets all of them. He very much fits the profile of someone with complex trauma or C-PTSD, although that diagnosis has not yet been added to the DSM.

Criterion B: intrusion symptoms

Canon evidence of intrusion symptoms is a bit harder to find, given the heavy plot focus of Attack on Titan; however, I do believe there is enough to make some inferences.

During the Uprising arc, Levi takes note of a starving woman with her baby on multiple occasions, who appears to remind him of his mother. This indicates to me that he thinks of his mother and the circumstances in which he grew up with her with some regularity.

When he later confronts Kenny in the same arc, he specifically questions Kenny regarding the relationship he had with his mother, again indicating that Levi's mother took up significant space in his thoughts.

While we know Kuchel chose to keep Levi (rather than abort him), thus indicating Levi was a desired baby, it's evident that Levi's upbringing overall was damaging and distressing due to the severe poverty, food insecurity, and violence he endured as a young child. Accordingly, it's safe to assume that these memories related to his mother were likely to be both unwanted and upsetting.

We also have this panel during the War for Paradis arc, during which Levi ruminates on the deaths of his comrades and the purpose behind having saved Eren's life so many times. His facial expressions are truly crushing and filled with deep despair.

In terms of nightmares, we know that Levi experiences some truly disturbing dreams from the "Smartpass Good Night, Dear and Sweet Dreams Vol. 02" short story, in which he envisions his closest comrades all morphing into a sea of blood on a red carpet. Clearly, the affect of his dream has been influenced by the specter of death constantly looming over him.

Criterion C: avoidance

The full phrasing of this symptom (trauma-related external reminders) is, "Avoidance of or efforts to avoid external reminders (people, places, conversations, activities, objects, situations) that arouse distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s)." Similar to the unwanted upsetting memories symptom under Criterion B, there is not direct canon evidence, but I do believe there is enough to make some inferences.

Primarily, what sticks out to me about Levi is the fact that no one near him seems to have knowledge of his past, which indicates he does not talk about it. When his past is brought up, it's always people who have some direct knowledge about it speaking on it (e.g., Kenny or Erwin). This is shown both directly in canon, such as when Petra speaks to Eren regarding the rumors of Levi's recruitment into the Survey Corps, and in supplemental Smartpass content, like the Close Up interview with Erwin and Levi.

This comes across to me as an effort to avoid conversations, and thus, reminders and memories about the topic.

Criterion D: negative alterations in cognitions and mood

There's quite a lot of evidence for these in canon.

In terms of overly negative thoughts and assumptions about oneself or the world, Levi has plenty. He appears to have the persistent belief that he only exists to be of service and use to others; he views himself as a tool, one which has no value if he is not directly contributing to something. This is exemplified by the following panels:

When Erwin asks Levi if he would be willing to be in charge of keeping the titan serum and determining whom to use it on, Levi answers with, "Why would you bother asking me?" This shows that Levi has no regard for his own personal feelings.

When Erwin and Levi are discussing the plan to take down the Beast Titan during the Reclamation of Wall Maria, Levi expresses his agreement with the plan by remarking that taking down the Beast Titan will act as him "[making] amends for failing to kill that armored brat earlier." This shows that Levi viewed it as his responsibility, and thus, his failure to take down Reiner. He placed an undue burden on himself here, casting blame for outcomes that should not be solely attributed to him.

And then there's this panel in the lead-up to the final battle, in which a severely wounded Levi is being reprimanded by Armin for being reckless and not resting, in light of his injuries. Levi responds, "... You want me asleep in bed? You're going to forget I even exist if I rest any longer." Levi suffered truly disabling injuries, and yet, he shows complete disregard for himself—concerned that no one will remember him if he is not actively fighting. This shows a projection of his own lack of self-worth onto how he believes others view him: if he is not useful, then he does not matter. Levi also shows disdain at the concept of resting and having been asleep, as if that's somehow a sign of laziness on his part, which is of course, untrue. No one would have faulted him for resting—he truly needed and deserved to rest.

We also know that Levi blamed himself for Kenny leaving him, which can be surmised from interviews with Isayama and the expression on Levi's face when Kenny abandoned him. Levi also asks Kenny why Kenny left him, which shows a certain preoccupation on Levi's part, wherein he worried there must have been something inherently wrong with him to make Kenny leave.

On the topic of Kenny and Levi, Isayama is quoted as saying:

"Levi still had the experience of being separated from Kenny during his childhood. He was constantly troubled by the thought of "Kenny left because I couldn't fulfill his expectations." When the Uprising occurred within the walls, and he confronted Kenny again as an enemy, Levi sought to meet what couldn't be satisfied previously." (x)

Regarding both negative affect and difficulty experiencing positive affect, Levi's expression and mood is frequently shown as depressed. There's a great post by @cosmicjoke on the topic. In terms of the latter, Levi laughs and smiles so infrequently that it's a significant moment at the conclusion of the Uprising arc when he smiles after Historia playfully punches him.

For decreased interest in activities, the full phrasing is, "Markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities." Levi's character is contrasted with all the other characters in the series in the sense that he has no dreams of his own. Both Armin and Hange have that greater curiosity about the unknowns of the world, represented by the sea and titans; Erwin is similar in that he desired to validate his dad's theories about the outside world and the existence of other humans; Eren craved freedom above all else; etc. Levi, on the other hand, is never shown as having those same dreams and ambitions. Hence, I would say he demonstrates a markedly diminished participation in significant activities, as even though his complete lack of self-interest is immensely admirable, it is also deeply tragic—particularly as dreams and ambitions are often crucial for one's psychological well-being.

And then we also have feeling isolated, for which the full phrasing is, "Feelings of detachment or estrangement from others." On the topic of Levi and relationships, Isayama is quoted as saying, "It’s likely because he is afraid of forming close relationships. Because he exists in a world where one can be eaten by a Titan at any time, he consistently avoids building 'family'-like connections with others." (x)

This manga panel is a good example of how Levi views himself as detached from others. Pay attention to the phrasing: "And I doubt normal people think about these things on a daily basis... So that means I'm abnormal... Probably because I've seen far too many abnormal things."

Criterion E: alterations in arousal and reactivity

With all of the above laid out, Criterion E becomes very easy to meet.

For irritability or aggression, this is one of Levi's known character flaws, borne as a result of his upbringing.

For risky or self-destructive behavior, we have clear instances of Levi engaging in battle to the detriment of his physical well-being.

For hypervigilance, the last manga panel I attached provides a good example of that.

For difficulty sleeping, Levi is famously an insomniac, often quoted as getting 2-4 hours of sleep a night.

Criterions F, G, and H: duration, functional significance, and exclusion

Have the duration of Levi's symptoms been greater than one month? Yes.

Do the symptoms result in distress or functional impairment? Yes.

Are the symptoms more attributable to the physiological effects of a substance or another medical condition? No.

Thus, Criterions F, G, and H are met.

Citations

American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Trauma- and stressor-related disorders. In Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.).

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #levi ackerman #medium: anime/manga #anime: snk #c: levi ackerman #my thoughts #snk meta #I wrote this instead of doing my grad school work #goodness poor Levi #He suffers so much

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noxturnalpascal · 4 months

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Daddy x The Babysitter

Last month I came up with an idea for a story prompt to get the writing juices flowing and several people joined in and wrote with this idea. I wanted to share all the participants linked in one place 💜.

PROMPT: Pick a Pedge Daddy character - Joel Miller, Frankie Morales, Dave York, etc. (it can be Canon or Non-Canon/AU/No Outbreak). PPCU Daddy is surprised - and excited - to learn that the grad/postgrad student he hires to watch his child sometimes also works as a: stripper/dancer/cam-girl/onlyfans-model/dating-or-escort-service (or straight-up SW)

webcam for beginners

by @iamasaddie

room 301

by @milla-frenchy

birthday surprise

by @aurorawritestoescape

Dancing is a Dangerous Game

by (me) @noxturnalpascal

#dave york x reader #joel miller x reader #frankie morales x reader #pedro pascal characters

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smokersbaby · 7 months

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Kink of the day: cockwarming Character: Jimbe Reader: female reader Tw: cockwarming, size difference, Jimbe being so sweet it melts my heart <3 Author notes: thanks to @thepokemaniac for requesting this!! You can find the "Kinktober Masterlist 2023" here!

Neither of you wanted to leave the bed that morning, the autumn was slowly approaching and the air was getting colder by day, so getting up so early in the morning meant also leaving the warm fuzzy blankets you were rolled up in.

But you had to or else you'd have been late for whatever you had to do that day. As you started to slip out of bed, trying to not wake up your lover Jimbe who was still sleeping on the other side of the bed, you felt him grabbing your wrist and pulling you back to bed, spooning your body from behind and wrapping his arms around you. "Come here…" he murmured in a raspy, morning voice.

Whatever you had to do would have to wait because you had no intention to miss the opportunity to spend some sweet time with Jimbe. You pressed your butt against him to fit better into the hug but also to give him a little hint that you wanted more than just cuddles.

It didn't take him a second to understand that, as Jimbe's cock plunged into your tight pussy. The size difference wasn't small because of his height (301 cm or 9'11''), so he didn't have intentions to start moving until you were accustomed to his size.

But you were both still too sleepy to have actual sex, so, as his cock was buried deep inside of you without moving an inch, Jimbe started kissing your neck tenderly, his arms keeping you close to his body as you cockwarmed him in your cozy bed.

You enjoyed so much spending mornings like this with him, feeling him inside of you but on a more intimate level, deeper than the classic physical contact.

"Stay with me, it's cold outside" he whispered in your ear, his arms around your body to prevent you from going away.

#jimbei #jinbe #one piece jimbei #first son of the sea jinbe #jinbesan #op jinbe #one piece jinbe #jinbei #one piece smut #kinktober 2023 #kinktober #strawhat pirates #one piece #one piece fanfiction #fanfic oneshot #jinbei one piece

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sashi-ya · 5 months

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𝑹𝑶𝑶𝑴 𝟑𝟎𝟏 ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ𓂃 ࣪˖ byakuya k. x m! reader

⤹˚ synopsis. "I got so scared, I thought no one could save me. You came along, scooped me up like a baby. Every now and then, the stars align. Boy and boy meet by the great design. Could it be that you and me are the lucky ones this time?" - Lucky Ones by Lana del Rey.

requested by: Anonymous ➡ Sweets Hotel Ruby, Shibuya. for sub! Byakuya x male reader pls! Byakuya and reader discover a couple of kinks together! (You can decide which kinks!) tw: MNDI. Byakuya discovers what it is to be loved by a man. pure bromance that turns into romance. first time anal sex. usage of sex toys. rimming. mutual masturbation. usage of alcohol. purely inspired by this specific room at the Sweets Hotel Ruby (room 301) wc: 4.6k masterlist

It hasn’t been easy for him since Hisana passed. A lonely CEO, an heir of all the Kuchiki Industries for himself.

Rich, so rich. And lonely, and oh, so sad.

“I’m tired of telling you that you should go out once and for all, Byakuya” you demand, lying on his office huge -expensive- couch.

“And I’m tired of telling you I am not in the mood…” Byakuya sighs, as he fixes his glasses and keeps reading whatever documents he has on his desk.

You sigh, too. He hasn’t been able to scape the grief of his late wife. He couldn’t, even if that happened more than two years ago. You’ve been there, on endless nights where he couldn’t stood up from bed and those when you needed to drag him to the couch from his desk when he passed out over it from exhaustion. Nothing, absolutely nothing related to enjoyment had been a part of his life since Hisana’s death.

“You can’t live the way you do, Kuchiki” you grunt, standing up and walking out… offended, with your hand on your belly, barely lifting your flowy white shirt.

You have tried helping him before, but he hasn’t changed. You know he won’t. But you tried… However, this time, things take an interesting turn.

“FUCK!” Byakuya growls, followed by the sound of dripping liquids on the floor.

You quickly turn around to discover your best friend covered in -luckily- already cold tea. His white shirt completely dampened, his black suit trousers as well.

“You idiot, what happened?” you tell him, running to where he is sitting.

Byakuya doesn’t answer, he stays looking down at the damp patch on his clothes. His façade stays concealed by his onyx strands of silky, long hair raining down.

Your eyes soften; perhaps you’ve been too hard on him. Maybe it is time to be a little more sweet, like the first months when he wasn’t that hostile towards the whole world.

Your hands land on his shoulders, and your chin on the crown of his head. Staying there for some minutes, none of you two dare to speak nor say anything. A soft sobbing fills the ambience, and your heart breaks like porcelain being thrown with force to the ground…

How hard it is to see your best friend suffer… And how hard it is to keep hiding how much you love him, too.

“Byakuya, let me help you. You will get sick if you keep your clothes that wet” you whisper, lovingly and pitifully. There is honest worry in your words, but there is also desperation for him to cover up. The shirt has become see through, and despite knowing how he looks naked, the way his abs are showing so lustfully through it is killing you… guilt and need. Byakuya doesn’t like men. Or so you think. But even so, you are for him as close as a brother.

He takes some time to answer but finally nods in acceptance. He looks at you with steel night sky eyes flooded of incipient tears and the stare of a lamb that’s being taken to a slaughter.

You let him stand up, but he doesn’t walk away. Byakuya stands still, crestfallen, in front of you. He is waiting for a hug; you are sure of it.

You open your arms and let him come to your embrace, surrounding him once his wet chest hits yours.

“I know I’ve been a heavy burden for you. I am sorry. I know I can’t keep living the way I do…” he whispers, almost with his lips on your neck. Yet, his posture keeps being as “masculine” as commonly conceived can be.

“You are never a heavy burden to me, my… friend” you murmur, with your hand on his back tracing soft almost non-existent circles.

Perhaps it has only been a few minutes, or maybe all the night but you would want for his body to be that close to yours as long as possible. However, you can feel his slightly shivering. “Come on, you need to change. You have a change of clothes in here, right?”

Byakuya nods, and slowly your hug breaks apart. You watch him walk to the part of his office that’s also a mini room. Byakuya asked for it to be built there, as the workaholic responsible ruler of his family economical emporium he is.

Soon, he comes back with a similar change. A lot more relaxed, though. Byakuya is not wearing a tie and has changed the Italian leather imported shoes to Gucci sneakers.

“I’m ready. Let’s go somewhere and drink something” he says, putting his hair into a messy hair bun.

Your heart wants to jump off your chest; your throat goes dry. Byakuya stands in front of you, looking handsome, with still a light pinkish halo around his eyes from crying but with a mild-mannered look that invites you to feel dizzy.

“You- you wanna go to a bar? Sure” you blink repeatedly, but couldn’t waste the opportunity of making your friend feel better… even if your insides were a total mess. You repeat yourself to stop seeing him as more as a friend, but still, you are glad your shirt is flowy and long enough to cover your crotch…

The streets of Tokyo, are as always as busy as humid. Somehow it always rain during these nights. The lights reflect on wet spots as well as your manly walk through the Shibuya cross.

Many girls giggle as you pass, paying special attention to Byakuya’s unfriendly -and extremely hot- sight. He walks with his hands on his pockets, so unintentionally sensual he can be probably mistaken by a famous model.

You try to look away, but it’s almost impossible. Who would like to miss his attractive façade bathed by neon lights?

“I don’t know any fancy bar, we should have come with the car” you chime, trying to look for conversation, even if you are very used to him being silent and reserved.

“I am not searching for a fancy place; I want a cheap one. The cheapest you can find. I want to meet a common woman, someone” he says nonchalantly, almost incurring in a highly destructive future behaviour.

You swallow… “a woman…” you sigh, out loud.

Byakuya stops right on his feet. “What? Should I stay alone forever?” he asks, almost offended at you. You were pushing for him to go out and now you don’t want him to have “fun”?

“No, I meant… never mind. I know a place…” you murmur, it hurts your soul… but it is what it is.

Byakuya notices the change in your face, but he prefer to stay silent and look away. The little shadows casted on his cheeks by his long lashes kill you, but you look away too and start walking.

There is tension. A tension you never felt before in between you two. You swallow and guide him through little streets to get to a rather calm bar. You however, focused on the word “woman” forget that such place is very close to a rather famous -but curious- establishment…

“What the hell?” Byakuya asks, looking the front of that exact place once you get there. A hint of laughter can be detected in his voice, but he still remains confused and perhaps even grossed out by the lack of “taste” of the building.

You can’t help but burst out laughing. Of course, Byakuya Kuchiki has never been to a love hotel, neither he needed to.

“Ah… I forgot about this place. That’s the Sweet Hotel Ruby… curious right? It’s a love hotel” you inform him, as Byakuya gets lost on the ridiculous and big decorations of the entrance.

The hotel has pink walls and enormous sweets ornaments placed all over them. It looks like a candy wonderland, like a gigantic cake… there are even three big ice creams sculptures by the entrance. And not to mention the cringey -perturbating- animatronic tree with a face inviting you to come inside.

Byakuya stands there looking at it with disgust, but still curious.

“I’ve never been to a love hotel” he drops an info you already knew. “I was sure you haven’t” you answer, scratching your nape. “Let’s get a room” Byakuya suggests.

You panic. Does he know what a love hotel is?

“Byakuya… do you know the purpose of this places? It’s not a normal hotel” “I know, people come here to have sex. But I wanna see how it looks on the inside. I might invest in one if I find the rooms fancy”

You massage your temples. Byakuya is as serious and mature as equally immature like a kid. He enjoys fancy weird looking things, and you are sure that if he invests in the build of a love hotel there would be those “wakame taiishi” figures he invented all over…

“Sure, if that’s your calling. Let’s go” you accept; torturing yourself, never in a million years you would have thought of visiting a love hotel with Byakuya… even if the idea of loving his body has been floating around your mind since the day you met him.

He gets inside first; Byakuya lacks any type of shyness when it comes to “a business opportunity”.

Fortunately for you, there aren’t people at the countertop but a machine where you get to choose the room, the time you wanna stay and the things you would like to consume inside.

Byakuya, who’s wallet has never been empty a single time in his life, picks the most expensive room and the most ridiculous option to drink. “mhh… bubbly romance combo? I have never tried this normal people champagne… and those chocolates? why not?”

You cover your face; he is probably not aware of this place not being a “friends” spot to hangout, much less ordering the “bubbly romance combo” to enjoy on a room that’s meant for… fucking.

As soon as the confirmation of payment came on the screen, the instructions were clear. “Go to the third floor and turn right. The room number 301 will be ready for you”

Byakuya walks first, he acts as if he was at the Sheraton hotel while you can stop your mind from running wild… those pants look so absolutely good on him…. the small of his back would look so beautiful arched as he bends in all four over the bed of this hotel… what if I get to drink champagne from his collar bones…

“(Name)… (Name)” Byakuya’s deep voice breaks your lustful dream.

“Hmm? What?” you ask, as you keep walking through the equally maximalistic decorated with sweets patterns walls of the hotel hall.

“Stop walking, this is the room”

Byakuya opens the door and the soft pink lights, like a cherry blossom spring, hits your eyes. Inside, there is, once again, 3D replicas of cookies, chocolate covered almonds, marshmallow hearts and many types of desserts wall mounted. However, the most interesting piece of furniture has to be the bed; a bed that looks like a shell sculpture made out of chocolate, with donuts pillows on top.

“What the fuck is this place?” you ask, trying to understand what the designer was thinking about when he chose to go with that.

“I have absolutely no clue, but it has to be the most interesting room I’ve ever been to” Byakuya says, genuinely interested in such grotesque crime against good taste.

“Well, that’s for sure…”

The long-haired hot CEO takes his sneakers immediately after closing the door. You do the same, grateful for your socks being in between your soles and the ground. You aren’t sure what type of strangers’ bodily fluids the furry white rug on the floor harbours inside of its fibres.

You take a look around, finding the place to be an extremely easy place to hide cameras, but that is not something you will tell Byakuya. After all, nobody is getting naked in here tonight, right? It’s just a curious pair of friends visiting an infamous love hotel…. Right?

It doesn’t take much for the workers to knock on the door and leave the “Bubbly Romance Combo” right by the entrance. You get the tray inside with hot cheeks and quickly close the door.

“Oi, here it is your combo. Are you aware of what this is?” you ask, looking back at Byakuya and noticing him lying on the bed like if he was some kind of god waiting to be fed -well, at least that’s to your eyes-

“Yes, chocolate and champagne. Bring it, I’m hungry” “Remember you can’t take much alcohol at once, bro…” you tell him, knowing him very well; maybe even better than himself.

Byakuya rolls his eyes at you; the arrogant look you melt for is back. “We are not young anymore, (Name). I can’t take it like a man”

“I hope you can… take it like a man”

Soon both of you indulge in the delicious taste of spicy chocolate bon bons and more glasses of champagne that you can remember. It doesn’t take much time for Byakuya’s cheeks to become as red as apples and his laughter finally blooming like beautiful cherry blossoms.

Like two adolescents on those sleepovers at your home, both have fun chatting about random nonsense. And you couldn’t ask for more, after all… coming to this place had to be the best idea Byakuya could ever had. Until…

“So, you aren’t getting married or what? Don’t tell me you are into boys” he asks, rather loudly. Byakuya still has a low tolerance to the bubbly beverage.

“Why you ask? Asshole. You wanna make fun of me, don’t you?” you spit at him, visible annoyed at him for asking; however, why you are that annoyed Byakuya doesn’t know.

He frowns. “You don’t need to be that rude, man. You could have told me you didn’t want to talk about it. Fuck you” he growls. Manners are gone when his blood has a hight percentage of alcohol mixed in.

Byakuya takes yet another chocolate and turns around in bed; he lies on his side and closes his eyes. He is mad, but also acting like a kid.

You notice you fucked up, so you reach out for him. You shake him softly by his shoulder, but you only receive yet another “fuck you”. However, you keep trying.

“Hey, come on, I’m sorry” you sigh, trying to force him to look at you.

“Stop touching me” he suddenly snaps, turning around and pushing you against the bed. Byakuya crawls on top of you, with a dizzy head and a fist ready to be plastered on your face.

“So, you wanna fight me, don’t you? Why? What have I done?” “Nothing” he tries to punch you, but you grab his hand by his wrist.

“You can’t even strike a blow. You are too drunk to fight. Plus, if I hurt you I could leave your handsome face marked for the rest of the week” you tell him, regretting the “handsome face” commentary.

His pupils dilate, his eyes fix in yours. You can see him biting the inside of his mouth, as his arm trembles within your squeeze.

It is, perhaps, too late for you to notice his hips straddled on your lap. And probably, it is too late too, to notice the growing hardnesses of both of your crotches.

Maybe, for just some minutes the time becomes slow… slower. Byakuya’s eyes turn sloppy, your lips barely separated, your pumping heart being the only sound gushing in your ears.

You can’t stop your hand from suddenly pulling from his arm, neither your lips from crashing against his in a violent, sexual kiss. A kiss that he seems too naïve to follow, that deepens with barely seconds. The sweet and sour taste of your tongue, feels more than delicious to him.

When the kiss breaks, but Byakuya doesn’t want to stand up from lying on your chest, you spit words you are sure he doesn’t need to hear but your heart needs to scream… “I do like boys, yes”

Byakuya takes a deep breath, and before kissing you back with desperation he murmurs “Thank God…”

You place your hands on the sides of his hips, to pull him even closer. Your sex graces his, finding with pleasure how hard he feels against yours.

You push him down, encouraging him to hump. And he does, almost immediately after you do. Byakuya is desperate, perhaps for your touch or maybe any touch… but you don’t mind, you really couldn’t think of anything else but enjoying the taste of his body at least one single time.

Your fingers travel a little up, lifting his shirt up, untucking it from the black pants that look beautifully tight to his legs and ass.

“Byakuya… I must warn you that if I keep on doing this… I won’t be able to stop” you moan, biting his lower lip and pulling from it after.

“Don’t- Don’t stop. I want this…I want you…” he whines, searching for more kisses as his life depends on it.

You smile, of course he wants you. Of course, he does.

You exchange positions with him in a quick motion. While he is the depiction of delicate manhood and dominance, he becomes putty in your hands. You crawl on top of him, moving his locks away from that enchanting face of his; you enjoy the way his cheeks are sprinkled by a reddish glow that is no longer because of the alcohol, but because he is in severe need of being touched, kissed, pleased, loved… fucked.

You lift his shirt off, exposing that nudity you know too well, but never once you were able to taste. His abs, toned and slightly marked… his hard pink nipples, the pale flesh inviting to bite, inviting you to leave endless bloody marks all over it. His belly button, the happy trail down his sex… what a beautiful creation of god you are, Mr. Kuchiki.

His soft hands pull from your shirt towards him, he is aching for more kisses. But you want more than that… you want to hear the sound of the only emotion you never had the right to enjoy coming from him…

Your lips do kiss the commissure of his lips, and then, slowly, sexily, criminally lustful, you go down to his neck. A bite, and then another one. He whimpers, very lowly.

You keep going down, nibbling on his collar bones… oh the wide protruding bones of his chest. The scent of his skin, so deliciously manly but still delicate as the most fragile flower…

You reach for his right nipple, surrounding it with your lips, licking, sucking. With your eyes fixed on his, you nibble on them. His back arches in response to the sharp feeling against sensitive pale pink flesh.

“It feels… good…” he moans, discovering the ambrosial reaction of his body. “It does, Bya-kun? Tell me you want more? You want me to keep going?” you ask, pinching his left nipple with your fingers as you blow some air over his right one.

He nods, loudly whining this time. His voice goes slightly more acute, his body is a mess under your possession.

And then, because it is not enough of a mess to you, your lips keep going down, leaving a trail of kisses up until his belly button and even lower.

He doesn’t even wait for you to take his belt off, nor his pants, and does it all by himself. A wet patch of precum garnishes his grey boxers that makes him blush more than ever before.

“So wet… have you come already?” you joke, in playful and dominant way. “I hav-I haven’t no…” he whispers, getting his hands to his bulge to feel the damp, sticky patch with his own fingertips. “I’m glad, I would love very much to see you cum all over your belly… you want me to help you do this, Byakun?” you ask, sadistically, noticing how much that makes him even harder, to sprout more and more precum… what a beautiful sticky mess, Byakuya-kun.

He keeps squeezing his sex, as well as his legs underneath your hips. Desperate is not even a word to describe this man’s state. This might be a lot more than curiosity; he is so absolutely into a man’s hands touching him that he is even trembling.

You smile with loving eyes, after all you have loved him since forever. You take his hand away from his needy shaft. Then, planting a sweet kiss on one of his hipbones, you strip him away from his boxers.

Despite you seeing his sex a variety of times -in different, more brotherly situations- this time is absolutely different. Pinkish tip, perfectly groomed and clean. Of course, what would you expect from such a perfect man if not a perfect sex?

You are tempted to devour his shaft in one single blow, but that would be ruining the experience… even if he might be probably wanting it so badly.

But there will be enough time to do that, and instead, you use the tip of your tongue to get a taste of his pre cum while you begin to pump with your hand.

“Such a delicious man you are, Byakuya…” “Am I? how does it taste?” he asks, curious… so innocently.

You smirk, taking a little more of his salty delight in your tongue. It forms a string that loses its form against your chin, but you are good with it.

Getting closer to Byakuya’s mouth, you ask him to stick his tongue out and so he does. You trap it with your mouth, and both share his taste in the most sinful carnal kiss.

“You like your taste, ba… babe?” you ask, shily after naming him “babe”.

He smiles shily, nodding as he swallows. “Yes… thank you… babe…”

For your next step, you suddenly remember you saw when you get into the room. Maybe Byakuya didn’t notice, and you hope he didn’t… it would be such a great surprise.

“I think you would love this…” you chime, standing up to a surprised, blushed, and confused Byakuya.

You get to a shelf where a Hitachi magic wand rests, a common object every good love hotel includes in Tokyo for the couples in love to use.

You show the vibrator, crawling back on top of him. After inspecting it, you find out how to operate it and soon it reaches his sex at low speed.

He grunts loud enough to be heard by half the hotel, and you can’t get enough of it. His nails carve on your hips, his buck up and the small of your back curl more and more.

Your crotch, by now, feels absolutely hard, wet, and needy. Would it be bad to enjoy the warmth of his sex against yours without any clothing in between? Of course not.

While you keep stimulating him, with increasing vibrations, you let your shaft free from the black skinny jeans prison they were in. With extreme care, because even if you couldn’t stop yourself from playing with your best friend’s body touching him with your own still feels somehow illegal, wrong… you have praised him since forever, seeing him as a pure deity that must not be ruined, that must be not broken.

Byakuya’s eyes open wide when the warmth of another man’s dick grazes his. A loud moan escapes his lips, his trembling fingers reach for your kissing members and surrounds them with his whole soft hand.

“I… I…” he wants to say something, he can’t. His cheeks get more and more red, the tip of his nose, the tip of his ears too.

“Byakuya… is this your first time with a man?” you need to know, even if you already do.

“Y… yes…” he informs, feeling the graze of an erection that’s not his own for the very first time.

You stop using the magic wand, and instead, you give him the right space to pump both of you as he pleased. He does, shily at first but more and more desperately as time goes by.

It is beautiful to see the sprouting clear drops of precum mix one with the other, a mess in between his fingers forming strings as he strokes.

And you can feel his twitching intensifying, the little vein on the back of his shaft protruding more and more. And yours, throbbing… aching to be deep inside of him, aching to have his beautiful back facing you, arched up to let you bury into it and bond with him for the rest of the night.

“Let me be the first…” you whisper, in between gasping and grunting.

“I trust you…” he whispers back, knowing you will never, ever hurt him.

Soon, you help him turn around. So inexperiencedly he puts on all fours, so you use your whole palm to adjust his position. Passing it against his naked back, as pale as beautiful as you know it is, looking even more biteable now that he is so willingly ready to receive you in him.

You push down softly, right in between his shoulder blades. His right cheek squeezed against the pillow, his pecs against the bed. His hips up, his knees buried on the mattress.

You take some seconds to admire his whole anatomy, how his hips move side to side so involuntarily as a puppy happy to see his master…

“Byakuya… you have no idea how amazing you are” you murmur, planting a kiss on the small of his back. A skin as soft as his lips and neck. A scent so delicious.

He doesn’t answer back, he just moans softly, trying to reach for his hardness… he can’t wait no more, he needs release.

You smile, and the kisses on the small of his back keep going down until his entrance. The moment your lips touches it, he squirms, and his hips become weak.

“There will be enough time for you to become weak, now let me prep you. You need this so that it feels good to you. Relax for me, ok? You probably know what to do naturally ” you explain, you don’t want to force yourself in; you don’t want to hurt him at all.

He nods; his eyes shut close; his fine eyebrows squeezed in the middle of his frown.

You kiss and lick, slowly and deliciously. You coat his dilating entrance, slowly sliding one finger, feeling how tight his walls feel around it. You are dying to finally penetrate him, but he is not ready until you can stretch him properly.

A few minutes more are enough, however, for him to be ready. You would lie if you found it easy to do; something you have dreamed of for so many nights is finally about to become real.

“Are you ready, Byakun?” you ask, caressing his butt. “Mhj… yes” he answers right away, as he lifts his hips even higher and tries to get closer to your sex.

Your hand slides back to the small of his back, right where those little dimples form. Your other hand on your sex, guiding it to his entrance, previously coated with enough saliva that you hope someday would be Byakuya’s.

Slowly, unhurriedly, measuredly… first your tip, without pushing in, only staying right there. Then, as he throws his ass back, you begin to steadily let it slide inside.

Both grunt with the first intrusion; maybe it is a little painful to Byakuya, but soon enough when he has completely relaxed you begin to move inside his tight, warm, clenching walls.

“Fuck me more… please” he pleads to an astonish you, who is in total heaven by the feeling of his hole.

“Yes, my beautiful boy… just make sure you make a big puddle of cum right under you when you are done ~”

#byakuya kuchiki x reader #kuchiki byakuya x reader #byakuya x reader #byakuya kuchiki imagine #byakuya x you #kuchiki byakuya #byakuya kuchiki x you #kuchiki byakuya x you #byakuya #kuchiki byakuya imagine #byakuya kuchiki #bleach #bleach headcanons #bleach imagines #bleach byakuya #bleach x reader #bleach anime #bleach fanart

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taylorjois · 2 years

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( ♡ ) SEAN KAUFMAN in the summer i turned pretty * by clicking on the source link you will be able to access to #301 gifs of sean kaufman. all gifs were created from scratch by me. if you plan on using or find this useful please give a like or reblog, it will be very much appreciated !

( * ) please don’t claim as your own, redistribute or edit in any way. ( * ) tw: flashing lights, kissing, drinking, eating.

#gif pack #sean kaufman gif pack #rph #sean kaufman #sean kaufman gifs #sean kaufman gif #*

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starrynightgifs · 2 years

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☪ FINISHED COMMISSION! By clicking on the source link below, you will be redirected to #301 gifs of Ni Ni in The Flowers of War. All of these were made by me from scratch and for roleplaying purposes. You’re free to edit and use these as you wish, but do not take credit, roleplay as the actress herself, use in taboo plots, to race bend or whitewash, or for muses under the age of 18. If you like this post or find it useful, please like or reblog.

tw: smoking

commissions are OPEN! if you're interested in commissioning me, check out my blog!

#ni ni #ni ni gif pack #ni ni gif hunt #userdevon #dearindies #fcxdirectory #ungiffed #gifsociety #gif hunt commissions #gif commissions

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bookaddict24-7 · 1 year

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REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2022!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

___

301. Lore Olympus Vol. 1 by Rachel Smythe--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I was not expecting that!!! I loved this so much that I immediately want the next volumes!!! The art work took me a little to get used to, but the story immediately drew me in. I loved seeing a new adaptation of how these two came together, but I especially love the portrayal of Hades in this. Why was he drawn in such a way that made me immediately root for him? I...don't blame Persephone.

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302. I Think Our Son is Gay by Okura--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This was a cute read with some great moments where the mom and younger brother actively stood up for him against the bigotry of the dad. I loved that while the son feels like he isn't ready to come out to his parents, his mom is creating this safe environment for him to come out one day. I don't know if I'll read the next one, just because this felt a bit episodic and I like series that have more of a flow to the storyline. But we will see, who knows if I'll cave and read the next issue!

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303. Beyond the Wand by Tom Felton--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I really enjoyed this autobiography because of how honest Felton is and how surprisingly funny I found him. I'll admit that I never gave much thought about him as an actor whenever I watched the movies in that series, but I'm glad I decided to check this one out because it was so incredibly insightful. Felton talks about how he ignored his mental health as his life continued after his pivotal career role, and how his worldview changed as he grew and learned more about himself. I'll admit that after reading this, I also grew to understand and appreciate why he was such a fan favourite. His personality shines through his writing and the book flew by. I felt like I was a friend of his while he detailed the events, small and major, that make up his life. I know that the series in question was a huge part of his life and I know that the series has gone beyond the horrific commentary of the author, but it was still jarring to hear her name so casually mentioned throughout the book. I'm sure that he like many of us (him more-so because he was actively a part of making that magic happen) that the series changed his life in many ways, but I will throw the disclaimer out there that her name is mentioned and none of her actions are mentioned along with mentioning the name (this includes quotes she's said surrounding the series. We all remember Dumbledore's many wise comments.) It's all positive and that made me pretty uncomfortable. Anyway, I really, really enjoyed this and I'd recommend it--but keep in mind my TW mentioned above.

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304. Intercepted by Alexa Martin--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read in December 2022! I was craving a re-read of the first two books in this series. I found the audiobooks at the library and just went for it. Looks like I never wrote my review in 2019 LOL For the most part, I love this book. I love the idea that the MC gets her hot football player who treats her like the queen that she is. I loved their chemistry and the spicy scenes that we get. What I didn't love was that frustration final conflict and the random hashtags that the MC started using after the halfway point of the book. Am I wrong in saying that they randomly started happening? Anyway, that being said, I'll probably re-read this book again in the future because some books just crawl under your skin and stay dormant until the bug bites you again. Plus, I just love seeing a beautiful black woman getting the love she deserves!

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305. The Mighty Heart of Sunny St. James by Ashley Herring Blake--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This is the second book I've read by Blake and just like the first book, I LOVED this one. It was so incredibly heartfelt and the MC is dealing with some pretty heavy stuff like her health (a new heart transplant), her complicated relationship with her birth mom, her ex-best friend, her sexuality, and the new friend who she literally meets in the coolest way possible. One of the reasons why I love middle grade books like this is that they always offer something so incredibly special because it's written for those young minds that are still developing who they want to be as adults. These kinds of books are pivotal in growing that sense of understanding and empathy that these young readers need as they grow. But I think books like THE MIGHTY HEART OF SUNNY ST. JAMES also offer adults that moment of emotional complexity that older books might not be able to offer us. A child's difficulty with dealing with the emotional trials that life sometimes throws at them makes books like this one more poignant because we get to see these young minds learn and grow as they confront these challenges. Blake does a beautiful job giving us such an impactful novel. Sunny, the mc, is just a child but she's already learning to navigate her complex world. All of that to say that I loved this book and I think everyone (child, teenager, adult) should read this.

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306. Knight of the Ice Vol. 1 by Yayoi Ogawa--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I have finally read this and I'm not going to lie, I really enjoyed it! This definitely felt like a hetero version of YURI ON ICE lol. I don't know which one came first, but it felt like it because not only is this about figure skaters, but there are also side characters that give off similar vibes. Anyway, this was fun and kind of cute because of the obvious love these characters have for each other. I just know that the next few volumes are going to be misunderstandings and stolen looks and honestly, I'm so ready for it.

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307. Fumbled by Alexa Martin--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read in November 2022! Okay, I'll be honest: this is the one I really wanted to re-read. I am the biggest sucker for secret babies/kids. I love seeing those bonding moments between parents and child, and usually how the dad is just a massive asshole until he becomes putty in the hands of the child or baby. Also, I still love how this one addresses the brain damage that can happen when you get hit in the head repeatedly in a sport like football. I'm changing my rating to four stars from the three stars I gave this in 2019. Past me had probably read a million sports romances at the time whereas present me is seriously missing them.

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308. Five Survive by Holly Jackson--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I received a copy from the publisher since I interviewed the author on the Indigo Instagram! I was a big fan of Jackson's first trilogy (except for the last book which I may or may not have DNF'ed), so I was really excited for this one. Somehow, Jackson managed to write a heart-racing, quick read that takes place over the span of eight hours. In those eight hours you learn of secrets, see the bully side of a certain character, encounter violence and blood, and feel the panic that the characters are feeling while being stalked in the middle of nowhere by a sniper. I talked to a friend about the conclusion because I wasn't the biggest fan of it. I think that this book will translate great into a movie, but I do wish there was a little more character growth regarding one character and that the ending wasn't so...how it was. Anyway, that being said, I really did enjoy this one. It's a fun and quick read that the author (in our interview) mentioned should be about an eight hour reading experience!

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309. The Stone Child by David Alexander Robertson--⭐️⭐️⭐️

Listen, I've enjoyed this series, but I'm going to be honest: I didn't care a lot for a chunk of this book. I don't know what it was, but I was bored and I even zoned out a few times. Maybe one day I will re-read this and feel differently. I wasn't a big fan of the MC's constant snapping. I can understand that she is grieving and that she is an emotional mess because of everything she's experienced and is learning about her life, but it felt repetitive for her to just snap and then immediately apologizing and just...what was the point? I don't know, I just felt annoyed by it. She was definitely not my favourite in this one. I DID enjoy seeing them explore some of the changes that they encountered and the surprise connection between the MC and her best friend. I look forward to reading more about that in the next book! There was also a beautiful moment near the end that made me almost tear up. We will see how the next book is!

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310. A Rip Through Time by Kelley Armstrong--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I remember thinking, when this book ended, wow, I actually really loved that. I'm always hit or miss with Armstrong books, but this was such a surprising read. It truly gave me OUTLANDER vibes but with a mystery at its heart. The character development between the MC and the two other main characters was entertaining, and I loved hearing the comparisons between the past police work and how the same work would be done in the present day. I'm looking forward to the next book because I want to know some answers. This didn't really have romance--more like a potential budding romance for a future slow burn. This book was mainly setting up the world and the characters for future mysteries and I loved it. If you want a time travel book that isn't all about romance and has some intriguing murder mysteries thrown in there, then you might really enjoy this one!

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Happy reading!

16 notes · View notes

poisonous-lemonade · 2 years

Text

A Game Of Dice

Eddie x Gn!reader

TW: very sexual, very, very sexual [but not smut]

Word Count: 301

You sat behind Eddie in his van, resting your head on his shoulder, your arms wrapped tightly around him as he wrote in a black notebook. You begin placing gentle kisses up and down his neck, brushing his hair out of the way. “Hey…” He trailed, taking a sharp inhale as you bit down softly. “Stop that.” A breathy laugh left his lips, pulling away, leaving you to pout at him.

“Eddie.” He pushes his notebook into your chest, turning around to look at you. You scan the quickly scribbled words put into two columns, one labelled D20 and the other D3. “Baby, what is this?” Eddie grabbed a small box that was hiding under his van seat. You hummed as he opened the box, showing you two dice, a D20 and a D3.

“I saw it and thought why not play it, a number matches with an action and then you do the action, it’s a simple game.” You nod slowly and pick up the dice.

“Alright, so let’s play.”

You smiled into your boyfriend’s neck as he groaned. You looked up at him, his eyes filled with lust. You give him 1 last kiss before taking hold of the dice. You roll them, landing on the numbers 12 and 3 - lips and make out (for as long as the other person can last). Eddie was already panting at this point and he could barely keep his eyes open, he wouldn’t last long. You crawled onto his lap, biting your bottom lip. “What’s the matter, this was your game, after all,” you teased, leaning in till your lips were only an inch away, “I didn’t know you were this much of a freak.” Eddie wrapped his arms around your neck.

“Oh my god, shut the fuck up and kiss me.”

#writing #fiction #eddie munson #eddie x reader #stranger things

19 notes · View notes

maybeimamuppet · 1 year

Text

picking teams- chapter 11: janis

hello everyone!! happy wednesday! i hope you’re all having a great day have this yeeha

tw for

ptsd-ish things

discussion of SA/drugging

and as always please let me know if i’ve missed something so i can put it in :)

enjoy!!

—————

The beginning of November passes by in a blur. Revenge, football, Cady, more football, more Cady, revenge. The general gist is the same.

Cady and Janis are both happy with how their plot is progressing. Of course, they haven’t actually done anything yet, but the ideas give them a lot of hope. It’s a slow process.

They’re both scheming in their heads on their respective buses to an away game. They’ve had a few so far throughout the season, but this one is special. It’s in the city, and they’re playing against a school far enough from home that they’ll be staying in a hotel overnight.

About ten minutes away from their destination, Janis realizes she should probably be planning strategies for the game instead of how to ruin her ex-best friend’s life. She has plenty of time for that, but the game starts in two hours.

Janis is surprised to see the hotel they pull up next to. It’s not a five star establishment by any means, but the North Shore budget she’s used to would barely cover a motel. The football team clearly gets more than the arts departments. For once, she’s not complaining.

“Sarkisian, over here for a sec,” Coach Carr says. Janis grabs her bag from the storage trailer and jogs over to him. “You’ll be rooming with one of the cheerleaders. Can’t have any co-ed rooms.”

“Yes, coach,” Janis nods, heading over to the other girls to find out who she’s been stuck with. Please don’t be Regina, please please please don’t be Regina.

“Alright ladies, listen up! Room assignments!” the cheer coach yells. “Wieners, Smith; 300! Pak, D’Alessio; 301!” The names continue until they get to, “Heron, Sarkisian; 310!”

Janis sneakily looks over at Cady, and finds Cady looking back out of the corner of her eye. Cady shoots her a quick smile before she looks away again and pretends to complain about the room assignment to the Plastics.

Janis heads up to get her room key from the cheer coach. All the other girls give her a wide berth and shoot sympathetic glances at Cady. Janis rolls her eyes as she takes the plastic card and heads off to find their room.

Janis is lounging casually against the wall while she waits for Cady to arrive. She shoots her a smile when Cady comes up. “Howdy, roomie.”

“Hi,” Cady giggles. She fumbles adorably with the lock for a second before she gets the hang of it and pushes the door open. Janis motions for her to go into the room first and follows right after her. “Oh. There’s… only one bed.”

“I’ll talk to coach, see if we can get a new room,” Janis says immediately. “Or I could sleep on the floor. Or-”

“Janis,” Cady interrupts. “It’s fine. I was just pointing it out.”

“I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable,” Janis mumbles sheepishly.

Cady gives her a precious smile. “I appreciate that, but it’s really okay.”

Janis purses her lips the slightest bit and nods. Cady puts her bag down and continues exploring the room.

“Ooh, we have a balcony,” she says as she pulls the curtains open. Janis heads over to see and looks out over her shoulder.

“Oh, and what a view,” she laughs when she sees their room has a beautiful vista over the parking lot and that their room in particular seems to be directly over the dumpsters. Luckily, they’re high up enough that they can’t smell anything.

“I know, right?” Cady giggles. “It’s not so bad. It’s cozy.”

“Yeah, it is,” Janis agrees. Cady closes the curtains again and turns around.

“Are you excited for the game?”

“More excited for this bed,” Janis groans as she flops backwards onto it. “Ooh.”

“Comfy?” Cady asks happily.

“Yeah, for a hotel bed it’s not bad,” Janis says. She hauls herself to sit back upright with a great deal of effort. “I should probably start getting ready, though.”

“How do you get ready for games?” Cady asks curiously.

“I don’t, really,” Janis chuckles. “Spend most of the time I have beforehand trying to figure out what to do with my hair.”

“You can’t just leave it down?” Cady asks, tilting her head like an adorable little puppy. God, how does she do that?

“No. Learned that the hard way,” Janis chuckles. “It’s an easy target for people to grab. Almost lost a chunk my first game. And it just gets hot and sweaty.”

“Oh, and you can’t wear it up with a helmet,” Cady says. “That is tough.”

“Yeah,” Janis says. “You guys are lucky your hair is part of your uniform.”

“Yeah, it is handy,” Cady giggles. She watches Janis stand and go grab her jersey out of her bag. Janis is confused but not complaining when she turns around to find her still staring at her curiously.

“Uh…” Janis says brilliantly. “What’s up?”

Cady taps her fingertips together like a cartoonish supervillain about to unleash her latest evil scheme. “Can I do your hair?”

Janis pauses. “What?”

“I have an idea that might work,” Cady says, deflating a bit at Janis’ unenthusiastic response. “But if you don’t want me to I get it.”

“No, no,” Janis says. “If, um… if you really want to, you can. But don’t you have to get ready too?”

“All I really have to do is get dressed and do some quick makeup, it won’t take very long. Regina gives me time trials now,” Cady says. “Zero to cheer-o in twenty minutes or less.”

“Wow,” Janis says, raising her eyebrows. “That’s impressive.”

“Thanks,” Cady giggles. “Okay, sit, girl, sit.”

Janis obediently sits on the ground next to the bed and tries desperately to ignore Cady’s muscular thighs bracketing her shoulders. Cady tenderly brushes through her wavy hair, making sure not to pull too hard whenever she encounters a knot. Janis almost falls asleep at her gentle strokes and cool hands occasionally touching her scalp and neck.

“Your hair is really soft,” Cady says quietly as she uses her long pinky nail to part Janis’ hair down the middle of her head.

“Thanks,” Janis squeaks, trying desperately to hide how flustered she is. Cady tucks half her hair over her shoulder and instructs Janis to hold it out of the way while she works on the other side. Janis does, and feels Cady apparently start braiding the other half.

It pulls a little bit, but the process is still incredibly relaxing. Or it would be, if Janis wasn’t hyper-aware of her every move and breath and the fact that it’s Cady doing her hair and touching her and making her want to melt into a puddle of queer goop.

Cady is very gentle and meticulous with her work. Janis holds the end of the braid as Cady leans towards her bag to grab a few hair ties to loop around the ends.

Her forehead winds up almost resting on Cady’s leg as Cady maneuvers her head for the sake of the other braid. Janis almost combusts.

She’s not sure if she’s glad or upset when Cady finishes the second braid and pulls her hands away with a thoughtful hum. “How far down your head does your helmet go?”

“Uh… not very, I guess,” Janis says, fidgeting absentmindedly with the end of one of her braids. “It stops about with my hairline, little further down, maybe.”

Cady hums again. “Can I get it and check?”

Janis nods, so Cady pops up like an adorable little gopher and heads to root through Janis’ football duffel.

“Oh, it’s heavy,” she says as she finds the helmet and comes back.

“Yeah, all of it is,” Janis chuckles.

“I guess it’s better for you to be protected than comfy,” Cady says as she gently pops Janis’ helmet on her head.

“I guess,” Janis agrees as best she can with her cheeks smushed in by the padding. Cady giggles quietly. “Shut up.”

“Sorry,” Cady chuckles. Janis is confused when she undoes part of the braids and ties the elastic bands a bit higher, at the nape of her neck. Cady tenderly pieces apart the waves before twisting them into two buns right beneath the helmet at the nape of her neck. “Does that work?”

Janis takes the handheld mirror she holds up for her and moves it around to look at her head. The buns are off her neck enough to keep her from overheating, and small enough that her opponents won’t be able to grab them to get her down or hold her back. And they’re not pressing weird against the inside of her helmet, which is always a plus. “Yeah, this is great.”

She can see Cady beam in the mirror and smiles a bit herself under her helmet. She pulls it off for the time being and sees that the part on her head has been delicately twisted into two French braids. “That should stop it from getting tangled and stuff while you move.”

“Thanks,” Janis says. “I love it.”

“You’re welcome,” Cady grins. Janis smiles back as Cady gently takes the mirror back and grabs her makeup from her cheer bag. Janis takes advantage of Cady being in the restroom to start getting dressed. She usually waits to put the padding on until the very last second, but she can at least put on her special pants and her jersey.

Cady really can do her whole routine quite quickly. Janis is expecting her to take a good while, seeing as the routine must be quite involved, but Cady reappears from the restroom in her uniform with her makeup done in almost no time at all. She’s finishing tying her curls up into a ponytail and clipping her bow in as she makes her reappearance.

“That was crazy,” Janis chuckles. “How did you do that so fast?”

“Regina,” Cady says simply. Janis nods.

“Makes sense.”

“Do you… think you could help me with my eyeliner? I can never get it right and you did mine for the Halloween party really well,” Cady says. Janis looks at her. “You don’t have to! I just, like-”

“Caddy,” Janis chuckles. “I’ll do it, c’mere.”

Cady is visibly relieved as she hands Janis the eyeliner pen and sits on the bed.

“How do you need it to be?”

“It’s… um…” Cady says. “It’s supposed to have the, uh… the… bird?”

“A what?” Janis asks with a laugh, pulling the pen back just before she makes contact with Cady’s eye.

“Stop laughing, I don’t remember the word!” Cady grumbles. “The… the little… fwoopy part.”

“Oh, a wing,” Janis says, laughing so hard she actually has to lean on the bed for support a bit. Cady whines and hides her face behind her hands. “The bird, oh my god, Caddy.”

“Stop it!” Cady whines adorably, muffled by her hands. Janis gently grabs her wrists and pulls her hands away from her face. Cady pouts up at her when she does.

“I’m never calling it a wing again,” Janis giggles in a pitch very uncharacteristic for herself. She puppets Cady’s hands to clap a couple times before she lets them go and grabs the eyeliner again. “Ready?”

Cady nods. Janis leans in close and carefully swipes a thin line over her eye before ending it in a flicked wing roughly where Cady’s other eye makeup ends.

“Your eyes are beautiful,” Janis whispers as she shifts to do the other eye. She bites her lip to shut herself up as soon as the words slip out of her mouth. Cady’s eyes are quite possibly the most beautiful she’s ever seen; vibrantly green that fade into a deep blue as you get further from her pupil. But Janis still probably shouldn’t say so when she’s straddling the other girl on a hotel bed.

“Thanks,” Cady whispers. “So are yours.”

Janis takes a moment to look down at the girl beneath her. She almost chokes when she sees Cady staring back at her with something almost… no, it couldn’t be. In a friendly way, maybe. But most definitely not that.

Janis tries to ignore the fact that Cady’s actually in her uniform beneath her. She was in lingerie the last time they did this, which was somehow less revealing. Janis tries not to start hyperventilating as she remembers that her thighs are bracketing Cady’s bare legs, exposed by her very short skirt.

Cady’s also unfairly adorable in her uniform. They have long-sleeved undershirts to wear now that it’s getting chilly, and Janis almost squeals every time she sees Cady fidgeting absently with the ends of the sleeves or tugging at her collar. It’s much less revealing than their typical uniform they wore during warmer months, but Janis still can hardly stand it.

And here she is straddling it as she finishes Cady’s eyeliner. Holy gay, batman.

Janis takes a second to admire the beautiful face beneath her. She thinks she passes it off as making sure the eyeliner looks even. She’s not sure what she’d do if Cady caught on to the real reason for her staring.

“Uh… there,” she says when alarm bells start going off in her head, signaling that she’s at imminent risk of kissing Cady against both of their wills. Time to move.

“Thanks, Jay,” Cady says. She takes the pen back and sits upright again.

“No problem,” Janis says, her voice significantly higher than it normally is. She clears her throat and decides to just cut her losses and start packing up for the game.

——

The game is… interesting. Janis tries her best to snap out of Cady mode and into football mode, but Cady mode seems to be turned on at all times these days.

She thought she had finally gotten used to seeing her crush in her uniform doing her thing with the rest of the cheerleaders on the sidelines, but apparently not. Now that she’s had it beneath her fingertips; seen Cady in it up close, she’s unsure it’ll ever leave her mind again.

Every moment of rest she has during the game, few and far between as they are, is spent looking in her direction. Even some moments where she’s not resting and instead meant to be focusing on the game are spent looking in her direction.

“Sarkisian, what the hell are you doing?!” someone yells. Janis pauses and looks at herself. She realizes she had been preparing to pass the ball in the wrong direction. She turns around and finds Aaron, only barely getting the ball launched in his direction before she’s tackled by the opposing team.

Aaron manages to use the distraction to his advantage and score for them. Janis sheepishly heads to the sidelines while the new quarter is handled.

“What the hell was that?!” her coach yells at her.

“I’m sorry, coach, I’m distracted,” Janis says.

“Get your goddamn head in the game, Sarkisian.”

“I will,” Janis promises. “I’ll do better, I’m sorry.”

—-

Janis does her best, but…

Cady is just so… Janis doesn’t even have the words to explain it. Every affectionate adjective possibly applicable is rushing through her mind like the most inconvenient thesaurus in the world.

It almost costs them the game. Luckily, her teammates can scramble around her and make up for what she’s lacking today.

Janis breathes a sigh of relief as they barely scrape by with a win. Not quite as satisfying as decimating the opposing team on their own turf, but satisfying nonetheless.

And now she’s got free reign to think about Cady all she wants.

—————-

“I stink!” Cady declares as she enters their room and drops her bag by her feet. Janis startles from her spot on the bed and looks up with a laugh.

“Thanks for sharing.”

“Is it okay if I take a shower?” Cady asks, pulling her bow from her hair.

“Yeah, I already got one at the school. They don’t let us on the bus if we don’t,” Janis says. “Have at it.”

“Thanks,” Cady says with a sigh. She grabs a couple things from her bag and heads off to the bathroom.

Janis continues playing games on her phone since there’s no internet connection at their hotel and tries desperately not to think about the fact that her crush is in the shower mere feet away from her.

She must black out at some point, because it’s suddenly twenty minutes later and Cady is exiting the restroom. Janis almost chokes when she sees her just wrapped in a towel. She looks back at her phone immediately and hopes she isn’t blushing.

“Shit,” Cady grumbles in the corner, rooting through her bag for something.

“What’s up?” Janis asks.

“I forgot to pack pajamas,” Cady sighs. “All I have is my spare undergarments for my uniform.”

“Do you want my sweatshirt?” Janis offers. “Just… y’know, for the night?”

“Really?” Cady asks. “But then what’ll you have to sleep in?”

“I can sleep in my jersey, it’s pretty cozy,” Janis shrugs.

“If you’re sure, that would be great,” Cady says in relief. Janis nods and tugs it off, tossing it over to her. Cady picks it up from its spot at her feet and pads off to the bathroom again to change. “Thanks, Jay.”

“Yep,” Janis calls back, pulling her jersey on and suddenly thanking the lord she had the foresight to leave her sports bra on after the game.

Cady makes another return after a couple minutes, and Janis almost chokes again. Cady’s only wearing the shorts she wears under her uniform, which are, needless to say, short, and Janis’ sweatshirt; which is so big on Cady it could pass as a dress. And it’s adorable.

“Your shirt is cozy,” Cady says, hugging herself happily. “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” Janis chuckles. “Doesn’t quite fit.”

“What do you mean?” Cady asks sarcastically, holding up her hands to show off just how long the sleeves are. Janis got it a couple sizes up so it would be big on her, and on someone as tiny as Cady, she’s practically drowning in it. “Anything good on TV?”

“Not unless you’re really into the hotel you’re already at,” Janis sighs. “Or Sesame Street.”

“I do happen to be a big fan of Cookie Monster,” Cady hums. “Then I guess we’ll just have to entertain ourselves.”

“We do have a balcony,” Janis reminds her. “Pretty nice night.”

“Ooh, yeah,” Cady says. She pulls their curtains open and climbs out the window onto their tiny little balcony. Janis follows her and sits down on the frigid metal. Cady looks up at the sky with a childlike look of wonder gracing her delicate features. “It’s pretty.”

“Yeah,” Janis agrees, looking with her. “Kind of amazing you can still see so many stars with all the smog and light and stuff out here.”

“Yeah,” Cady says with just a touch of melancholy in her voice. Janis looks at her gently.

“Do you miss it?”

“Miss what?” Cady asks, turning to look at Janis as well. Janis feels her heart stutter at the blue-green eyes peering innocently at her. So pretty.

“The sky,” Janis says lamely. “In… Kenya.”

“Oh,” Cady says, looking upwards again in thought. “I… don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“I don’t,” Cady says quietly. “I do miss it, but… I like it here too.”

“That makes sense,” Janis says with a gentle nod. She leans back against the wall and tips her head back towards the stars. “Do you miss Kenya in general?”

“No,” Cady scoffs immediately. She pauses and inhales, looking briefly at Janis, before quietly saying, “I… miss… walking on ground that isn’t pavement all day. You have to pay attention more, and it makes you feel… awake. And the sky was really beautiful there. There were always so many stars, it just felt like you could reach up into the abyss and grab a few. And I’m always freezing here.”

“Might be how you dress now,” Janis jokes.

“Shut up!” Cady giggles, gently knocking against her. “It’s the air conditioning.”

“I dunno how you survived without it,” Janis sighs.

“Now that I have it, I don’t know either,” Cady says with a chuckle. “I miss a lot about Kenya, but I still… I’m glad I’m here. I like it here too.”

“Really?” Janis questions. Cady nods.

“It’s not perfect. But neither was Kenya,” she murmurs. “At least here my friends can talk. And don’t bite.”

“Speak for yourself,” Janis mumbles under her breath. Cady looks at her in confusion, but Janis just says, “What else?”

“Things are… um… I-I don’t know,” Cady says.

“So the only thing you like about Evanston is that your friends don’t bite you?” Janis chuckles.

“I guess so,” Cady shrugs. “There’s a lot of it that’s kind of… up and down for me. I love it here, and I love the people, but it’s still not… home, for me, I guess. It’s hard sometimes.”

“I get that,” Janis says softly. “Big moves are always tough. Especially when it’s, like… to another continent. And you’re sixteen.”

“Definitely,” Cady giggles. It fades quickly, and she fidgets with the hem of Janis’ baggy shirt. “Did you grow up here?”

“No, actually,” Janis says. She gets the feeling Cady doesn’t want to talk about herself anymore, at least for a while, so Janis begrudgingly explains her own story. “I’m from Georgia.”

“Really?”

“Yep,” Janis says. “Damian is too.”

“He makes sense,” Cady says, tilting her head as she mulls this over. “He kind of still has an accent.”

“Wait ‘til you meet his mom,” Janis chuckles. “But yeah, he never quite got rid of his twang.”

“You don’t have an accent at all,” Cady says in confusion.

“It comes out sometimes when I’m really angry,” Janis says. “Or really tired. But I, uh… had to practice a lot to get rid of it.”

“Regina?” Cady asks quietly. Janis nods. “How old were you?”

“I think I was… seven or eight when we moved?” Janis recalls. “It was pretty soon after Stevie was born. My mom got a new job here and they didn’t really have many ties to be worried about other than my grandparents and stuff, so we moved. And we just visit them from time to time.”

“Hey, that’s why we moved too,” Cady giggles. “So… your mom’s family lives in Georgia?”

“Yeah. My grandparents and a couple aunts and uncles,” Janis explains.

“Are they…” Cady begins before trailing off. Janis gets what she means well enough, and shakes her hand in a meh sort of gesture.

“Some are, some aren’t,” Janis says. “My cousins are all chill, and my grandpa is. He managed to get my grandma around eventually, but it took her a while. And my aunts and uncles are a pretty even split.”

Cady nods with a thoughtful hum, but doesn’t say anything in response. “Did you and Dame move at the same time?”

“No, we were, like… ten, when he moved,” Janis says. “His, um… his parents got divorced, so his mom moved up here to be closer to some of her friends and family and stuff.” Janis decides not to tell Cady that Damian’s dad had actually walked out on them when Damian had come out and was never heard from again. That’s his bit to tell Cady if he wants to. “We’d kept in touch a little bit as, like, pen pals and stuff, but he didn’t tell me where he was moving, and then he just walked into my fifth grade class and it was like I’d never left.”

“Aww,” Cady says. “You guys have the sweetest friendship.”

“Don’t tell anyone,” Janis snorts. “We gotta keep up our image.”

“Okay,” Cady giggles. “I won’t tell anyone you’re the greatest people I’ve ever met.”

“…That might be okay,” Janis amends. Cady laughs, and Janis can’t help but laugh along with her. Cady’s laugh is so sweet. She has the fakey titter she’s gotten accustomed to doing whenever there are people around, but her real laugh is so deep, so genuine. A hearty belly laugh. It might sound goofy to anyone else, but to Janis it’s the sound equivalent of ambrosia.

“I’m really glad I met you,” Cady says quietly, looking at her lap again for a moment before she dares glance up at Janis.

Janis gives her what she hopes is a gentle and not awkward smile as she says, “I am too.”

Cady smiles at her. Janis’ own grows.

Janis gasps as Cady suddenly leans in and presses their lips together. She’s trying desperately to kick her brain into gear, kiss Cady back, hold her, anything, but her brain is caught in a loop of holy shit pretty girl kissing me hello that she can’t escape.

Before she gets a chance to mentally kick her own ass, Cady breaks away and pulls back. Her eyes are missing their usual sparkle, and Janis can tell she’s putting on a brave face, thinking Janis didn’t want this.

“I’m sorry, I-I don’t know where that came from,” Cady whispers, gripping the rail so tight that her knuckles go white. Janis stares intently at her small hand poking out from the sleeve of Janis’ shirt. Get it together, do something.

Cady looks at her in shock when Janis gently rests a hand on her arm, giving a little squeeze and trying to get her to relax.

“Did you want to kiss me?” Janis replies quietly. Cady inhales sharply and looks away. Takes a moment to think. Then, nods. “Then… can we try that again?”

“Wh-what?”

“I messed my part up,” Janis whispers, making a bold move and stroking some of Cady’s hair behind her ear. Cady looks back at her, hesitantly, and leans partway in.

“Really?” she whispers, ghosting the word against Janis’ lips. Janis is lost in the dizzying scents of strawberries and textbooks swirling around the redhead in front of her, the blue-green eyes blinking hopefully at her.

She doesn’t answer. Out loud, anyway. Cady inhales as Janis just grins, nods, and cups her cheeks to pull their lips together once again.

Cady releases her breath as a content sigh that puffs against Janis’ cheek, as she gently grabs on to Janis’ wrists to keep her hands held against her face. It’s a chaste kiss, slow and sweet, but they both don’t ever want it to end.

Unfortunately, they both need to breathe, and break apart with a gasp. ‘Apart’ is a little bit of a stretch, since neither of them really want to pull away. Janis rests her forehead against Cady’s, and can’t quite hold back the smile that spreads across her face.

“Much better,” she whispers, still panting to catch her breath. Cady giggles quietly, smiling wider than Janis has ever seen her smile.

“Definitely,” she whispers back.

“Since when have you been into girls?”

“Since I met you,” Cady murmurs. Janis raises her eyebrows.

“Are-are you sure?” she asks. “I’m not gonna be your experiment, or whatever. Or if Regina talked you into this, then… I’ll just go. You can tell her you won.”

“Janis,” Cady whispers, the hurt visible in her eyes. “She had nothing to do with this. You know more than anyone what she’d do if she found out I like you. That I like girls at all.”

“Then…”

“I kissed you because I like you,” Cady continues. “A lot. I… I’ve wanted to for a long time, I just… didn’t realize until a little while ago. But I would never do something like that. I’m not her.”

“You actually like me?” Janis asks shyly.

“Is that so hard to believe?”

“Yeah, actually,” Janis chuckles sardonically. “The great Cady Heron wants to kiss me. Regina’s second in command. And me.”

“I’m not her second in command,” Cady says.

“Might wanna tell the school that,” Janis teases.

“I’m not!” Cady whines. “I made a mistake. Getting involved with them. I just… can’t undo it. I’ll be crucified.”

“So what do we do now?” Janis asks, looking worriedly into Cady’s eyes.

“I don’t know,” Cady replies. “Wait, do you even… do you even like me back?”

“That wasn’t enough evidence for you?” Janis laughs. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since you fell into my arms that time you were tumbling.”

“That was in August,” Cady whispers. Janis nods, as if to say, duh. “That long?”

“Yeah, Caddy,” Janis says. “That long.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?” Janis asks. Cady hesitantly moves to straddle Janis’ lap and kisses her again. “Oh.”

“Can we… be…”

“Girlfriends?” Janis smirks. Cady nods shyly. “I think that works for me.”

“You think?” Cady giggles. “Do I have to make you believe it?”

“Definitely.”

“Can I make you believe it inside? I’m cold,” Cady asks softly. Janis laughs and nods. Cady delicately clambers off Janis’ lap and back through the window. Janis follows suit, shutting and latching the window again behind her to keep out the frigid November air.

Cady is on her again in a second, winding her arms around Janis’ neck and smiling at her for a moment. Janis can’t help but smile back. She kissed me.

She laces her arms around Cady’s petite waist and leans in partway. As much as she wants to kiss Cady again, and as much as she thinks Cady wants that too, forcing herself on her is most definitely not something she wants.

Cady gives her a gentle, thankful smile and stands on her tippy toes to close the gap between their lips once again. Janis smiles against her lips and pulls her closer by the waist, gently shifting a hand to tangle in Cady’s still-damp hair and fisting the other in the fabric of her sweatshirt.

Cady falls back onto the flats of her feet, but doesn’t pull away. Janis bends at a strange angle to keep their lips together while Cady starts slowly walking backwards towards the bed.

Janis presses in further when the backs of her knees finally hit it, never breaking away from their kiss. She gently guides Cady beneath her and holds herself up on her elbows. Cady releases a quiet, content noise as she lands on the bed with her girlfriend on top of her. Janis swallows it and swipes her tongue gently across Cady’s bottom lip.

Cady lets her in, hesitantly flicking her tongue against Janis’ and reaching her hands up to tangle in her hair. Janis purrs quietly and ghosts her hands down Cady’s sides.

Janis is gently working her fingers under the hem of Cady’s shirt, and then she’s suddenly on the floor. Cady has scrambled into the far corner and curled herself into a ball.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she says frantically.

“Hey, whoa,” Janis replies gently as Cady bursts into tears. “It’s okay, what happened?”

“The-the p-party,” Cady stumbles, wringing her hands together. “Mem-memories.”

“Oh god, Caddy, I’m sorry,” Janis says, frantic but still trying to keep her voice low and comforting. “I-I wasn’t thinking, I’m-”

“I’m sorry,” Cady whimpers.

“No, sweet thing, don’t be sorry,” Janis murmurs. “Can I touch you?”

“No! I mean, um… not-not yet, p-please,” Cady chokes. Janis nods and adjusts her clothes.

“Okay. I’m not gonna do anything, I promise. I’m gonna go hang out in the bathroom so you can have space, okay? Come get me when you’re ready,” Janis murmurs.

Cady nods and continues doing what she needs to do to calm down. Janis watches anxiously as Cady rocks herself slightly and coaches herself through some deep breaths.

She grabs her phone and heads off to their restroom. There’s not a huge amount of space to just be in here, but Janis doesn’t want to pressure Cady any further by lingering in the main room.

So Janis leaves the door cracked so Cady knows she’s welcome in and curls up in the bathtub.

She feels awful. What the hell was she thinking? She wasn’t, clearly. They’ve only been together for fifteen minutes and Janis has already fucked something up. Maybe irreversibly.

She tries to apologize telepathically through the wall as she hears Cady sobbing to herself and trying to calm down. Janis tries to play games on her phone again, but she’s so worried and pissed off at herself that she can’t focus on anything but Cady in the other room.

How could she have done this? Lost control of herself so quickly? She doesn’t even want that with Cady yet! And with Cady’s history…

She’s stewing in the bathtub so much that she doesn’t hear when the faint sniffle comes from the doorway. Cady creaks the door the rest of the way open and pads over to Janis, wiping tears from her eyes with a sleeve as she does. Janis looks up at her as she stands next to the tub.

Cady seems a bit confused, even cracking a faint smile seeing Janis just chilling in the bone-dry bathtub, but she climbs right in to join her and curls up in a ball against Janis’ chest.

“Hey,” Janis greets gently, not touching until she gets an okay from Cady.

“Hi,” Cady croaks in response, adjusting herself so she’s laying more comfortably against her. “Will you squish me?”

“Squish you?” Janis asks. Cady nods. Janis isn’t totally sure what she means, so she hesitantly wraps her arms around Cady’s body and squeezes as hard as she can. “Like that?”

Cady nods and gives a relieved sigh, resting her head on Janis’ shoulder as she adjusts Cady to sit fully in her lap. Janis is suddenly very glad for all the arm workouts she’s had to do lately. It means she can hold onto Cady like this for a good long while without getting sore or tired.

Neither of them say anything for a while. Cady shifts periodically; Janis tightens or loosens her grip depending on how much she can manage in a moment, and beyond that, the only sound is the quiet humming of the air in the vents and a few muffled sounds from the room next door.

“I’m sorry,” Cady murmurs eventually.

“No, Cads, I’m sorry,” Janis says. “I don’t even know what I was doing, I don’t… don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t want to… do that with you yet. And I know what happened to you, I shouldn’t have-”

“I started it,” Cady interrupts softly. “I don’t want that yet either, but… I liked you touching me. I liked you kissing me. It just… went too fast.”

“Yeah,” Janis murmurs. “I still shouldn’t have done it.”

“Maybe not,” Cady agrees gently. “But I got too into that, too. It was a heat of the moment thing, Jay. It’s not your fault.”

“I’m still sorry,” Janis mumbles shyly. She feels Cady give a weak grin against her chest.

“It’s okay,” she replies reassuringly. “And… I really appreciate you apologizing.”

Janis isn’t sure how to respond to that and simply nods, squishing Cady a bit closer and resting her cheek against her head. “Still wanna be girlfriends?”

“Are you kidding? Of course I do,” Cady giggles. “I’ve been crushing on you so hard I literally didn’t even notice I was on fire because of you. That’s not gonna change because of one little slip-up.”

“That was about me?” Janis asks shyly. “You said it was Aaron.”

“It kind of was,” Cady shrugs, stretching a bit and shifting positions so she’s crouched astride Janis’ lap and they’re face to face once again. “But it was mostly you. You just looked like the cutest little bug in your goggles and I couldn’t stop staring and then… I was on fire.”

Janis squeaks as Cady makes claws with her hands and gently pinches Janis’ cheekbones before leaning in to kiss her nose. She’s still reeling from all the earlier kissing. And now the girl of her dreams is practically in her lap talking about how cute she finds her. “Oh.”

“See? Cute,” Cady says like it’s a simple matter of fact. She smiles widely, and Janis can’t help but smile back. Cady cups her face in her sweatshirt paws and gently pulls Janis’ face to hers for a soft kiss. It’s barely a brush of lips, but it still sends an electric thrill coursing through Janis’ veins and out her extremities; her body coursing with adrenaline that could easily rival what she felt after her first game.

“You’re cuter,” she breathes against Cady’s lips when they pull back the slightest bit. Cady smiles and shakes her head, accidentally nuzzling their noses against each other.

“No way,” she whispers. She kisses her again before she pulls back a bit more and asks, “Can we get out of the tub now? There’s not much room in here.”

“Yeah,” Janis chuckles. Cady climbs out of the bathtub and reaches her hands to help Janis out. Cady pauses to splash some cool water on her face and rinse off the tears before she follows Janis out to their room. They wind up on their queen sized bed; under the covers and face to face. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Cady says with a smile.

“Can we talk a little bit?” Janis makes herself ask. She doesn’t want to, but… it needs to be done. Cady’s face falls the slightest bit in concern, but she nods.

“Yeah. What about?”

“Earlier,” Janis says softly. “Just a bit. So I don’t trigger you like that again.”

“Oh. Okay,” Cady says. She doesn’t continue, so Janis takes the initiative.

“Okay,” Janis begins with a deep breath to settle her nerves. “I think we should definitely wait a while before…”

“Sex?” Cady asks bluntly. Janis nods and hopes she isn’t blushing like a child at the mere word. It’s not like she hasn’t had sex before. Everything with Cady is just so different.

“Yeah. I don’t want to rush things with you,” Janis says.

“I don’t either,” Cady murmurs. “And I’ve never… had sex with anyone. I want it to be special.”

“Yeah,” Janis agrees. “So… maybe… if we ever, like… get to that point, we talk about it first? And… maybe after that, you initiate things. So I know when you’re feeling okay with… stuff.”

Cady nods again. “Okay.”

“What else can I do?” Janis asks, gently resting her hand on Cady’s cheek and tracing her cupid’s bow with the pad of her thumb.

“Um… I think… lying on top of me makes me… panic,” Cady says, looking at Janis’ mouth instead of her eyes. Janis doesn’t mention it. She understands why she doesn’t feel up for eye contact at the moment. “So maybe don’t do that? Unless… I ask you to. And he, um… he covered my mouth, so I don’t… that… that brings it back too.”

“Okay. I’ll keep that in mind. Should we have a safeword? We don’t even have to use it for… intimate things, we can just use it if we ever feel uncomfy,” Janis offers.

“What’s that?” Cady asks, tipping her head into the plushy pillow beneath her.

“Something we can say that wouldn’t come up too often in normal conversation that’ll let the other person know to take a second and check in. Basically our own word for ‘stop what you’re doing’.”

“…Pompom,” Cady says quietly. Janis grins and gently brushes her thumb over her cheek.

“Pompom it is,” she says. Cady hums happily at her touch and nuzzles into her hand.

“Is that it?”

“For now, I guess,” Janis agrees with a shrug. “We can talk more if anything else comes up later.”

“Okay,” Cady says. “This was nice.”

“Yeah,” Janis says. It was an awkward conversation, but a necessary one. Janis isn’t normally a big talker. Maybe with Damian, but most definitely not with anyone else. But Cady… it’s like she’s pulled a stopper somewhere in Janis’ mind and all the words just come pouring out. And she doesn’t really find herself wanting to stop them.

Cady gives her that fantastic, adorable smile. Janis decides she definitely doesn’t want to stop.

“So, uh…” she says anxiously. What now? All she can come up with is, “More kissing?”

Cady nods eagerly and leans in. Janis meets her halfway and shifts her arm to wind around Cady’s back. She keeps it close to the middle, not wanting to risk going any lower or higher and bringing up any memories again. Cady wraps her arms around Janis’ neck and tilts her head a bit for the best angle.

“Thank you,” she murmurs between sweet kisses.

“You don’t have to thank me,” Janis replies, gently nuzzling her nose against Cady’s. Cady grins happily and gently kisses the tip of Janis’ nose in retaliation.

“I’m gonna. Can we snuggle?” Cady replies softly. Janis kisses her one more time before gently tangling their legs together and pulling Cady impossibly closer. Cady sighs happily and curls in on herself, nosing her way into a tight embrace and pressing her face just above Janis’ chest.

They’re quiet again, both just relishing in finally holding the other girl close. Janis listens to Cady breathing and focuses as much as she can on the feeling of Cady’s fingertip tracing little figure eights on her tummy. It’s an absolutely beyond perfect moment.

“You’re still tense,” Cady whispers after who knows how long. She tips her face up to look at her. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” Janis says. “I’m just thinking.”

“About what?” Cady asks softly.

“Everything,” Janis says. “Nothing.”

Cady nods thoughtfully. “You wanna talk?”

Janis shrugs. “It’s not really the kind of thing you can put into words, you know?”

Cady nods again. “Yeah. I get that. But you… look like you wanna talk to me or something.”

Janis shrugs again. “It’s nothing important.”

Cady adjusts herself a little bit so she’s as much on top of Janis as next to her. She looks meaningfully into her eyes as she says, “But I wanna know anyway. I don’t care if it’s not important. I wanna hear what you have to say.”

Janis blinks back the burn of a few tears and clears her throat as Cady starts fiddling with the blonde ends of her hair. It feels nice, so Janis doesn’t stop her. Until she quietly asks, “How much do you remember?”

“From the party?” Cady clarifies. Janis nods shyly.

Cady starts fidgeting again, but it’s clearly with some extra agitation. Whether it’s nerves, bad memories, or genuine anger; Janis can’t be sure. Stupid. Of course she wouldn’t want to talk about this.

She’s surprised when Cady says, “Not much.”

Janis pauses her worried, self-deprecating spiral in her head and blinks up at the redhead hovering on her elbows above her. Cady doesn’t meet her eyes, but Janis gets the feeling she really wants to. It’s just not something she can handle, one way or another.

“When I woke up in the hospital, it was just, like…” Cady mumbles hollowly. “You know when you have a nightmare, and then you wake up and can’t remember it? But you just know that you’ve just seen something awful?” Janis nods. “It was like that.”

Janis still doesn’t say anything. Cady seems to need her quiet. Need her to really listen.

“I knew something bad had happened. To me. I just… didn’t know what it was at first,” Cady says. “But I heard the story. From Aaron. And my parents. And… now it comes back in bursts, I guess.”

“Bursts?” Janis asks quietly. Cady nods and flicks her eyes up to meet Janis’.

“Sometimes if people touch me a certain way, or I smell something specific, or… I see… him,” Cady says. “It can be the littlest thing or the biggest thing, but sometimes a little piece of what happened just… hits me like a bus. But it all still just feels like a bad dream.”

Janis had almost completely forgotten Shane is still at their school. She doesn’t have any classes with him, and apparently the damage Janis did to his testicles at the party scared him enough that he doesn’t approach her outside of school hours.

But he is here. Cady’s had to see the boy who assaulted her, who could’ve seriously injured her, or worse, every single weekday for months since it happened. And she hasn’t complained or said anything once.

“I try not to think about it,” Cady continues quietly. “As much as I can. I just… don’t… I don’t want to face what’ll happen if I do. I know I have to, but I just- I can’t even sleep in the dark anymore because of him. I almost quit the squad because of him. I washed my uniform five times before I could wear it again just so there wasn’t any of him left on it. I didn’t leave the shower for, like, literally two days after I was released from the hospital and it still wasn’t enough. I literally scrubbed my skin off in a couple places.”

“God, Caddy,” Janis breathes. Cady bites her lip as tears well behind her eyes, and she looks off into the distance for a second.

“And I’m one of the lucky ones,” she chokes quietly. She looks back to Janis and whispers, “Because of you.”

“He still hurt you,” Janis says, rolling Cady back onto the bed and wiping her tears away with the back of a finger. Cady sniffles and nods.

“He did. But… you and Damian are the only reason I didn’t beg and plead to move back to Kenya,” she says shakily. “I learned that there are some… really shitty people in America, that day. Some really shitty people who do really shitty things. And if you hadn’t saved me I think that would’ve changed… everything, in me. Everything about me. But you did, and… I know there are some really incredible people here too.”

Janis smiles sadly and kisses her cheek, tasting the salt from her tears staining her sweet skin. “You’re one of them, too.”

Cady sniffs again and kisses her for real, resting a soft, gentle, chilly hand against her jaw and gently brushing the pads of her fingers against the sensitive skin just beneath Janis’ ear. She doesn’t say anything when she pulls back. She simply looks at Janis like she hung the stars and keeps her hand where it is. Janis can feel a similar look in her own eyes as she looks back at Cady in the relative darkness.

Cady wriggles close again, pressing back against Janis like she’s trying to pass directly through her. Janis certainly doesn’t complain.

She almost drifts off to sleep like that, with Cady’s steady, soothing weight pressed against her front and Janis’ arm looped around her waist to keep her that way. But Cady does something that gives Janis pause.

“Are you sniffing me?” she asks quietly.

“…Yes,” Cady says so, so softly, almost like an apology. Janis chuckles.

“Why?”

“It’s dumb,” Cady whines, hiding somehow closer against Janis. Janis laughs and squishes her a bit.

“No it’s not,” she says. “It’s cute. I just don’t get it.”

“I’m making a memory,” Cady mumbles.

Janis feels her heart melt a little. “A memory?”

She feels Cady nod against her chest. “I really like this. And I dunno when it’s gonna stop. So I like to go through everything I can to make sure I remember things like this forever.”

“What are you memorizing?” Janis whispers.

“You’re really warm,” Cady begins. “And your nails are scratching my back in a really satisfying place, but they’re dull, so they don’t hurt. It kind of tickles. And I’m in your shirt and it’s very cozy. Aaaaand… the wallpaper in this hotel is really garish, and the curtains are still open a little bit and I can still see the stars behind you. And it’s dark, but I can still see your face and your eyes and they look really pretty but kind of scary in the dark. And you smell like… the woods, but in a kind of fakey way. But a nice fakey way. And you also smell like paint. And laundry detergent. And I can just smush my face right in here and you have a freckle right here too. And your skin is really soft and warm.”

Janis laughs and squeals a bit as Cady noses right at the point her neck meets her chest. “That tickles.”

“And your voice is croaky,” Cady continues quietly. “Because you’re tired. And I can hear you breathe.”

“Sounds like a nice memory,” Janis whispers back. Cady nods contently.

“You should try it.”

“Maybe I will,” Janis says, grinning at Cady in the darkness. “Goodnight, Caddy.”

“Goodnight, Jay,” Cady echoes with a matching smile. She leans in for a sweet kiss before they settle in and drift off to sleep tangled together.

—————

Janis wakes up very slowly. There’s a warmth beneath her she isn’t used to; a steady rising and falling and the faint thumping of a heart. She opens her eyes and looks around.

She somehow wound up on top of Cady during the night, her ear just beneath Cady’s sternum and the blanket tucked just beneath her chin. She can faintly hear Cady’s tummy rumbling and the beating of her heart.

Cady has one hand resting protectively on Janis’ upper back and the other sprawled above her head. She’s still deeply asleep beneath Janis.

Janis feels herself smile as she wakes up a little further. Cady kissed her last night. They’re together. Official, in the flesh, bona fide girlfriends. They can’t tell anyone, but still. It happened.

Janis looks at the clock on the nightstand and sees it’s already nine. They don’t have to be out of the room until noon. The school, luckily, realized that trying to get a bunch of teenagers up and ready by any earlier would end in unavoidable disaster, so they have plenty of time.

Janis still thinks she should get up. She doesn’t want to. Ever. But she should probably get breakfast and stretch a bit so she doesn’t get too sore from yesterday’s game.

She carefully removes herself from Cady’s cuddly grasp, inching herself to the side and out of bed. Cady snuffles discontentedly when Janis’ weight is no longer on top of her. Janis freezes. Cady seems to drift off again, so she continues her sneaky scoot to the side.

She’s in the home stretch, one foot on the ground and everything, when Cady wakes up for real. Janis freezes when she feels a small hand gripping her shirt and hears a sleepy, “Don’t go.”

She turns her head to see Cady looking groggily at her; one hand on the hem of Janis’ shirt and the other being used to rub the sleep from her eyes. “I gotta go eat breakfast, Cads.”

“No,” Cady whines. She actually looks near tears at the prospect of Janis leaving her all alone in the big hotel bed. “Stay.”

Janis doesn’t even try to resist her. She rolls her eyes affectionately as she tugs the blanket aside and crawls back into the bed next to Cady. “Fine.”

Cady takes her turn to pin Janis to the bed, snuggling tightly against her side and resting her head on her chest. Janis gently squishes her close with her arm and rests her other hand softly against Cady’s side.

Before she knows it, she’s waking up again an hour later with Cady half on top of her. She’s staring at her like she’s been waiting for her to wake up the whole time. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Janis says as she stretches and yawns, interrupted partway through by a smile. “Girlfriend.”

Cady smiles back and sits up, crouching over Janis’ face to kiss her. Janis kisses her back before she rubs her eyes and sits up. “You have morning breath.”

“Thanks,” Janis chuckles. She pulls the covers aside and pads off to the bathroom to go brush her teeth. Cady follows and follows suit.

Janis can’t help but smile watching Cady do something as simple as brush her teeth; foam all around her lips and everything. And Janis knows then that she’s hopelessly in love with this girl.

Cady kisses her again when they both spit out their toothpaste and wipe the residue from their lips. “Much better.”

“Good,” Janis grins.

“Do you wanna stretch with me?” Cady asks eagerly as they head back into the main room. She looks like the most unhinged of angels, her still-wild slept on curls illuminated by the bright morning sun streaming in through the window and an even brighter smile on her face. Janis can’t find it anywhere within her to say no.

“Sure,” she says. She should anyway, but she gets the feeling that Cady’s definition of stretching is going to be a fair bit different from her own.

Sure enough, Cady immediately sinks to the ground and goes into a sort of lunge position. She pats the ground across from her and looks up at Janis with that same adorable grin.

Janis hesitates for a moment. It doesn’t look not painful. She takes note of how Cady’s legs are positioned before she carefully tries to copy it. “Ow.”

“Be careful,” Cady says in concern. “And make sure your knee doesn’t go past your toes.”

Janis looks at her foot and carefully adjusts herself. Her muscles are practically screaming at her. She hopes it’s just from all she did at the game yesterday and not some muscle she’s pulling now. It does feel almost kind of nice. “How often do you do this?”

“Every day,” Cady says nonchalantly.

“Every day?!” Janis yelps, losing her balance with the exclamation and tipping to the side. Cady catches her with a laugh and steadies her before she grabs her back foot and bends it to touch her bum. Janis tries to do the same. She doesn’t get anywhere close.

“It helps keep me flexible,” Cady says. “And it’s a nice quick way to wake up.”

“How do you do that?” Janis asks as they switch legs. She’s already out of breath.

“I’ve done it every day since I was four,” Cady giggles. “It stops hurting if you do it enough.”

“How nice,” Janis says. Cady laughs as she makes a visibly pained face.

“You don’t have to do it if you’re in that much pain, Jayjay,” she says.

“I’m committed,” Janis groans. She sighs in relief as Cady finally gets out of the hellacious lunges.

“Now the next one.”

“Next one?!”

“You can’t do a split if the only stretch you do is a lunge,” Cady says with a smile.

“I can’t do a split anyway,” Janis says. Cady does a similar move, but her front leg is straightened in front of her and she bends down to touch her nose to her knee. “Oh, hell no.”

Cady laughs so hard at that even she loses her balance. Janis chuckles with her and tries to do it. The straightened leg is easy enough, but she’s barely at a forty-five degree angle. Her nose is nowhere close to her knee. Cady says, “Thats really good!”

“You’re a hot liar,” Janis groans. “Good god.”

“No, really! For a beginner that’s really not bad, Jay,” Cady says. Janis shoots her a smile, which Cady returns.

Cady slides straight from that stretch into a split. Janis watches in awe and tries to do the same, but there’s a solid four inches between the apex of her thighs and the ground. Janis isn’t sure she’d be able to get a piece of paper between Cady’s and the ground.

The stretches for the middle splits are only slightly less painful, but they’re almost relaxing. It’s not dissimilar to the yoga classes Damian dragged Janis to a couple summers ago. She can almost see how this might be a nice way to begin a morning.

Cady can hold her split and lean forward to lie flat on the ground. Janis can… sit. She tries not to stare at Cady’s bum or muscled thighs as she stretches. She doesn’t quite manage it.

“Isn’t this nice?” Cady says as she straightens back up.

“Yeah, it’s a nice reminder that I have so many muscles I never use,” Janis sighs as she lays on the gross carpet of their room. Cady giggles and leans over her for a kiss.

“You did it, though,” she murmurs before she pulls away. Janis chuckles and kisses her back, leaning after her as Cady teasingly pulls away.

“Barely,” she sighs as their lips separate. “Cheer shit is intense.”

“You’re telling me,” Cady giggles as she does… some… back bend thing. Janis looks at her and leans in for another kiss while Cady’s upside down. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Janis responds. “I’m not doing that.”

“Suit yourself,” Cady grins. “You’re pretty upside down.”

“So are you,” Janis chuckles. “And right side up.”

“So smooth,” Cady says. She lets herself down from her stretch and ends up with her head in Janis’ lap. “Breakfast?”

“Finally!” Janis groans. Cady laughs and stands up, reaching to help Janis off the ground. She leads her to the door and out into the hall. Janis wants to hold her hand all the way down to the dining room, but she drops it before the door is even open all the way. Cady looks a bit upset. Janis gives her an apologetic look back. They both just channel it into looking like they want nothing to do with each other and walk down as far apart as they can bear to be.

They eat at separate tables, sneaking glances at the other as frequently as they dare to while also desperately trying not to arouse suspicion. Among other things.

Cady finishes first and heads back upstairs. Janis takes her time a bit more, savoring the off-brand Lucky Charms before wolfing down the last couple bites and running after her girlfriend.

She pauses in the elevator. They’ve had to act like they hate each other for at most ten minutes. It was agony. Are they getting into this too quickly? Nah.

Cady startles when Janis returns to their room, but she smiles when she sees her. Janis smiles apologetically. “Just me.”

“Hi,” Cady breathes, resting a hand over her heart. “Sorry. Plastics have me on edge.”

“Did they say anything?” Janis asks in concern as she starts lazily gathering her things to pack up. She winces as she opens her football duffel and is almost knocked off her feet by the smell. That’s definitely getting a thorough wash when she gets home.

She stuffs what she can into it and zips it back shut before Cady can be subjected to the heinous smell. The rest gets shoved into her personal backpack. Along with the mini shampoos and soaps in the bathroom, because of course. Damian hasn’t taught her nothing.

“No, I’m just being paranoid,” Cady says.

“Probably better than the alternative,” Janis chuckles wryly. Cady laughs too.

“Yeah, true.”

Cady pouts when they’re all packed up and only have five minutes to get down to the buses. Janis isn’t exactly thrilled herself. This hotel room was like their own little world, hidden in plain sight. Somewhere they could just enjoy being together without worrying too much about what anyone else would hear, or see, or think.

But their twelve-ish hours in paradise are up, and it’s back to reality. Janis sighs as she grabs her duffel and is almost out the door. She jumps as Cady slams it shut as soon as she has it open a few inches and somehow finds the strength in her tiny self to turn Janis around, pin her against it, and pull her down for a hungry kiss by the collar of her shirt.

Janis squeaks in surprise and kisses her back once she gets her bearings. What the hell just happened?

She’s not complaining, tasting the sweet syrup Cady had on her breakfast waffle off her pillowy soft lips.

Cady pulls back once they both run out of breath and gives one final peck to the corner of Janis’ lips. She pants, “Will you text me when you get home?”

“Of course,” Janis whispers back, leaning in to kiss her again. Cady smiles against her lips and kisses her back.

“Good.”

“Good,” Janis grins, smooching her one more time before she regretfully pulls away. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah,” Cady says with a precious smile. “See you soon.”

Janis has a dopey grin on her face the whole way down to the buses. She can’t get rid of it even as she chucks her stuff into the storage trailer behind the bus and climbs on. Even as her teammates slowly make their way on after her. Even as the bus whirs to life and they’re off, heading back home.

Janis rests her head against the glass and watches the city go by absently; head filled to bursting with thoughts of Cady. Her girlfriend, Cady.

Maybe this year’ll turn out okay.

—————

thanks for reading!! i hope you enjoyed!!

lots of love,

ezzy

#cadnis #paint by numbers #space safari #cady heron x janis sarkisian #cady x janis #cady heron #janis sarkisian #mean girls #mean girls musical #mean girls broadway #mean girls the musical #mean girls on broadway #mean girls tour #mean girls on tour

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