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jmagnabo92 · 2 years

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Baking Cookies

Traveling Back Universe.

Lily’s over during the holiday break, and they all have some fun in the kitchen.

Lily liked Potter Manor, it was homey, if rather big. She liked the guest room she was given. She liked being about to use magic. She liked that she wasn’t different from everyone else in the house (it was so hard having to translate her magicism back to something for her parents to understand). Most of all, though, she liked seeing a part of James that she’d only seen glimpses of when he’d been particularly caring with the marauders or in the term, Harry. James was extremely caring of Harry, which has not changed and is more pronounced seeing them at home: he always checked in on him, made sure he was eating, and generally, looking after him in a way that was easily missed at the school. It’s a side of him that she really liked.

Her parents agreed to let her stay at the Manor after the Yule Ball so that she could spend some time away from Petunia (who’d been right nasty in the week since Lily’s return) and spend some time with her new boyfriend. Ironically enough, her parents also came to visit and intended to visit often, for some reason, although she didn’t quite understand their interest in getting to know James and his family since she’d only just started dating him, even if she had written letters to her parents about him.

Earlier, they had played in the snow, having a snowball fight that she and James won against Harry and Sirius, which was why she’d gone back to her room to have a nice warm bath and warm up. James had told her to meet them in the kitchen as they intended to bake cookies or cake or something, she wasn’t sure. She hadn’t even known that they could cook until she’d witnessed them making breakfast together the other day. Something that surprised her given that she knows there’s a couple of house elves running around the manor.

As she walks into the kitchen, she sees Harry and James playfully throwing what looks like flower at each other and making an utter mess of everything with a howling in laughter Sirius sitting on the counter away from the mess zone.

Before she could question their mess, a house-elf in a cute little dress that had Potter written across the back, says, “Young masters be creating a mess for Missy.”

They both laugh, and look at the elf, “Sorry, Missy, we’ll clean it up, later, promise.”

“You better,” Missy states, popping away.

Lily is utterly confused. Everything she knew about house elves came from Snape (he was bitter that he didn’t have one as they’re dead useful), and seeing the elves at the school, but she believed that they loved messes to clean up and do all the cooking. Why would Missy be talking back to them and refusing to cook and clean?

Clearly seeing her confusion, James explains, “Missy doesn’t clean up deliberate messes, like this. Mum wanted to teach us responsibility, so we’re responsible for our active messes.”

“Oh, I just figured that she’d want to clean and help, but she was talking back to you and…” Lily asks, still confused.

James laughs, “Yeah, we’re not exactly a normal family with elves, our elves are allowed to talk back and refuse to help in these situations. I mean, she wouldn’t refused anything my parents ask of her, and if we were struggling, she’d obviously help, but generally speaking, she has agency that some other elves don’t.”

“It depends on the family,” Sirius adds. “The Potters are extra weird, but the lighter families in the Wizengamot generally treat their elves well and want their children to learn certain things, so they’ll have their elves only help in some situations.”

“I’d think those other families are weird over us,” Harry intervenes. “I mean, Dobby…”

“Was the weirdest elf anyone’s ever met,” James states. “You can’t go by him at all.”

“Who’s Dobby?” Lily asks.

“He’s this elf that I have a weird relationship with,” Harry states. “And I may or may not have tricked his owner into freeing him, so he goes around get money for his work which causes other elves to think he’s weird.”

“Tricked?” She questions, but the question goes unanswered.

“Because he is weird, kid,” James answers. “It’s not normal because elves need wizard magic to survive, yes, he was mistreated, and deserved a better family, but to not be bound by another family is weird. To want money is weird.”

“But if he didn’t get money, how would he ever buy the things he needed to make Harry’s lovely socks,” Sirius teases.

Harry flings some flour at him, “He worked really hard on them, and they’re not that bad.”

Both James and Sirius burst out laughing as Harry looks down at his socks, one of which is green with snitches, while the other is red with broomsticks. Lily could see why they were laughing, “They don’t even match.”

Harry shrugs, “He thought they weren’t supposed to match.”

“Why would he think that?”

“No clue,” Harry responds. “But that reminds me…”

“Mum and Dad are already looking for him, we’ll make sure of things,” James offers, clearing knowing exactly what Harry was going to say without him finishing his thought.

“Great, thanks, dad,” Harry replies, smiling.

“You’re welcome,” James replies, smiling, but Lily is frowning, “Did you just call him ‘dad’?”

For a second, all three seem to be frozen and unsure, before Harry laughs, and answers, “Well, you know he just acts like such a dad all the time, it fits.”

James coughs, and clears his throat, “Yeah, I’ve always been the ‘dad friend’ amongst the Marauders, but with Harry, it’s even easier to be dad-like.”

“That, and he calls him ‘kid’ all the time, so it’s an even joke back,” Sirius adds.

They all stare at her, uncertainly, but she shrugs and shakes her head. James did act parental towards Harry with the way he cares about him, and he constantly calls him, ‘kid’, so it did make sense, she supposes. “Alright, then.”

#harry james potter #harry potter #sirius black #harry j potter #james potter #lily potter #lily evans #lily evans potter #jily

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padfootastic · 2 years

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How do you think Lily would perceive James and Sirius relationship and as a result feel/understand/be affected by it?

oooh hello anon 💜 this is a great question and i have two answers for u.

canonically, we know that lily and sirius had a great relationship. all the j&s codependency/attachment/closeness that we know from the text, she clearly accepted and didn’t mind based of how warmly she talked to Sirius’ in the letter (also, asking him to come over because james has been getting antsy? that’s so interesting because she’s (sub)consciously acknowledging sirius’ ability to handle james, perhaps when even she couldn’t) and we don’t see any antagonism b/w them in hogwarts the way we do in jily, yeah? so even if there was something there, she’d clearly dealt with it by the time they get married. (also i love characterisations where lily doesn’t just accept but actively encourages their bond—stuff like having an extra room for sirius, assuming he’ll be best man & godfather w/o james having to bring it up, making jokes about ‘my husband’s boyfriend’ etc—it’s just so precious and i love that for her and james, because she also gets a close friend out of the deal, it’s not just her adjusting for james ykno?)

but. that being said. i’m a little bitch and i love introducing conflict where there isn’t any for the sake of my favs lol

so my personal opinion/hc is that i love seeing envious lily who’s struggling with how close james & sirius are. realistically, it’s not easy to be with someone who so clearly has another number one, right? you’d always feel like you’re playing second fiddle, even if james has enough love and more for all of them and doesn’t actively try to compare the two. and in the beginning of their relationship, she might also feel insecure about how important sirius is to james. i mentioned this in another ask, but i think (before james falls in love with lily) if sirius had genuinely told james that he didn’t approve of lily, then he’d actually listen to that. and lily’s seen this influence sirius has, and that worries her, especially when she can see he doesn’t approve of her yet.

(i also, low-key, think scorpio-poster-child sirius would be extremely possessive of james until lily wins him over which is when he’ll shift into loyalty-unto-death mode. before that, tho, he’ll be like ‘you treated him like shit all this while and now you expect me to just accept you’re not gonna hurt him? try harder’ and his disdain is obvious to everyone except james. that feeds into lily’s discomfort.)

there’s also another aspect here, and that is lily feeling jealous of the platonic ‘like brothers’ bond between j&s irrespective of her position in their lives. i mean it’s possible everyone would, but lily specifically because her own relationship with petunia is deteriorating, her friendship with snape is basically down the drain, and there’s these two who’re so devoted, so attached to each other and it’s like,,,, ‘i wish i had someone like that too’ ykno?

ultimately though, even with all that, i don’t think jily would have worked unless sirius worked to put his disapproval behind him and lily stopped feeling threatened and accepted their bond. both of them realise the other’s here to stay and they’ve gotta make it work because their favorite person—james—would be hurt otherwise and that’s unacceptable.

#sirius black #james potter #lily evans #this is where my scorpio projection on sirius is rly coming into play #when will i learn the skill of being short & sweet #possibly never #slightly tangential but i actually think without all this baggage of hp canon—lily and sirius would be great friends #i think they’re so similar in personality and it would work really well #(currently working on a prongsfoot muggle au fic where those two are best friends and it’s rly fun tbh)#(exploring what these could’ve been on their own without james)#also another where it explicitly touches on this dynamics of wife- husband- husband’s bf in yt video format lol #there’s just so much to play around w ykno?#pen’s asks

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cursestothemoon · 3 years

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yay for the open requests! I really reallyyyyyy love your Harry's older sister hc, could u pretty pls do more? like their brief life as a family with lily and james, then to the dursleys and then at war, so on. I agree with the anon that did the request, harry does needed a bigger sister❤️

aH I LOVED THESE REQUESTS

YOU GUYS CAN READ THE HEADCANONS THIS ANON IS TALKING ABOUT HERE

ok so this is L O N G i need to add a keep reading tab

alright so let's talk about harry's older sister

so lily and james did not plan you

they were straight out of hogwarts

just having fun

and suddenly lily is having morning sickness and james running into a store to buy a pregnancy test (or whatever the wizard equivalent would be 😗)

james would be so nervous the weeks leading up to your birth

he already knows that you aren't even here yet and there isn't anything he wouldn't do for you

and when you are born

he swears he'd never love anything as much as he loves you

his little girl

this sweet little lump of baby fat that was born with eyes just like his

he'd put his glasses on your little baby face, and he could laugh for hours at the way they just barely sat on your little nose (a miniature version of his)

your chubby little baby hands are his favorite

when you'd plan your hands on his face or wrap your hand around his finger he'd melt

Lily would joke all the time about how she carried the baby yet James is constantly hogging her

I think james would have some serious separation anxiety

Lily would also have trouble leaving you to go do something but she knew that you getting to see other people would be good

james is NOT a fan

and you were a big daddy's girl

"it's going to be alright, darling, uncle Padfoot and uncle Moony will take care of you."

and you'd respond with sad baby talk, something along the lines of 'daddy' and 'wanna stay with you' and you'd get all teary eyed

it's a whole dramatic scene

youre crying

james is about to cry

Sirius is quite literally trying to sob silently into his hand because you just look so sAD

and remus and lily are just

😐

because you guys do this eVERY TIME

there was one time james got back into the car with lily after dropping you off and he was unusually quiet until he kinda just whispered out

"It just feels like i'll never have enough time with her, like one day i'll wake up and suddenly she's not mine anymore."

his tone gave Lily the worst chills, his tone and the fact that she felt the same though never voiced it

honestly

i don't think harry was planned either

he kinda just happened

and they were like

you know what, yes.

so you were two when harry was born

and you LOVED your baby brother

he was so small

so cute

and he had your mum's green eyes

from the get go you were very protective of your little brother

james thought it was the cutest thing

ok ive been avoiding it

but we need to talk about October 31 1981

you were upstairs with our mum and harry

james was downstairs cleaning up from dinner

that was when there was a knock on the door

assuming it was peter, uncle wormtail, james was quick to go open the door

grabbing his wand for protection was the last thing on his mind

the thud of his body was loud

he was killed before he could even open his mouth to warn Lily

the door to Harry's nursery flew open and it all happened so fast

there was screaming

bargaining

a sudden flash fo green before Voldemort turned to harry

his cold, pale hand pushed you out of his way

the prophecy had said nothing about you, so he didn't care for what happened to you he just needed to kill harry

which obviously backfired

half the house was blown up

he was gone

harry was crying

and you just wanted your dad

you found your way downstairs, just barely making it down the steps

lily and james had never let you go up or down the steps on your own

only to come face to face with your dad just lying on the ground motionless

his eyes were still open

now i want you guys to think of the lion king

you know the scene where simba finds mufasa's dead body and just lays with it because he doesn't know where else to go

you just wanted any kind of comfort you could find

so with tear streaks going down your face you slayed next to your dad, getting as close as you could, hoping he'd just wake up

sirius is the one who finds you, asleep next to james' body

it was rather rough for sirius

and he could hear harry crying somewhere upstairs

you wake up to uncle padfoot trying to keep in his tears as he takes in the scene before him

you're just glad to see a familiar face

you run over to him, tears freshly falling as you wail about how daddy and mommy won't wake up

you also gently pull james' glasses off his face and keeping them in your small hand

keeping them safe for him later

you knew he didn't like to sleep with his glasses on

eventually hagrid shows up

you guys know the story

but i will say

it takes a lot for you to leave uncle pads and go with this big strange man

youre basically heaving as you beg to stay with sirius

and forcing you off his hip and onto the bike with hagrid was the worst thing he's ever had to do

even for a two year old, youre eyes held such a strong emotion of betrayal

sirius would never forget it

the dursley's were not fond of you and harry

you had james temper and stubbornness

harry was just a 6 month old baby

doing 6 month old baby things

for the first month you'd ask for james, lily, uncle moony, uncle padfoot, even uncle wormtail on a daily basis

until one day petunia just snapped

you had asked about sirius, or as you called him uncle padfoot, and petunia lost it

she started to shout, her hand coming out to strike your cheek as she told you that no one was coming

not now

not ever

you never asked after that

over time you forgot about sirius and remus and peter

you forgot about the song your dad would sing every saturday morning when making breakfast

or the way your mom would hum when she brushed your hair

all lily and james had become were familiar scents and the same pair of eyes you'd see in your dreams (though for a long time you just assumed they were your eyes, they looked enough like yours)

and you grew up always feeling like you were on the wrong side of a billowing curtain

you and harry grew up only having each other

you were very protective of him

and dudley hated it

because you had James art for pranks

and his art for rarely getting caught

unfortunately for you petunia and vernon didn't need evidence to incriminate you

you were often on the receiving end of disciplinary swats and missed meals

and you'd often take harry's punishments for him

you and harry were also forced to share a room

or cupboard

you let him decorate it with all his things (he didn't have many)

and you guys shared a bed up until you got your hogwarts letter

which that was kept very quiet

you got the letter

and petunia and vernon were just glad to be able to send you and your pranks away

you weren't allowed to tell harry

but you did anyway

secretly

you didn't tell him all the details but you told him that you were going to a school far away and you'd be back whenever aunt petunia let you back

going to school was interesting

you didn't know anyone

bUT HAGRID WAS ALSO THERE TO HELP YOU AND BUY YOU YOURE STUFF AND HE BOUGHT YOU YOUR FIRST WAND

you still have james' glasses

you put them on when youre nervous

so youre sitting in the train

first day

you don't know anyone

big round glasses sitting on your nose as you look out the window barely able to see what's going on

james was as blind as a bat

on the train you spend your time reading your new books

absorbing all the material

you were not going to just walk into this new school of mAGIC not knowing aNYTHING

by the time you got there you were at leas base level with most subjects

some were easier to catch onto than others

as long as you didn't let the logical side of your brain do too much work

within the first week you'd find out about your parents

curtesy of older gryffindor kids who knew your last name and were just amazed by the story

oH ALSO YOURE IN GRYFFINDOR

AND WHEN MCGONAGALL READS YOUR NAME SHE GASPS TO HERSELF

BECAUSE

Y/N POTTER

she remembers when james had written to her with the news of Lily's pregnancy with you

and how he was nervous you'd come out just like him and he wouldn't be able to handle you as well as she had, he was asking her for advice

and when you walked up to sit on the chair she nearly dropped her scroll of parchment and pulled you into a hug

you looked just like him

dark hair

pale skin

same eyes and eye shape

and same habit of picking at the skin around your thumb nail when nervous

the hat announcing you were a gryffindor was very overwhelming for her

then she realizes you

are e x a c t l y

like james

and merlin is she tiRED OF THIS SHIT

ok so at this point i am going to direct you to the other headcanon (linked above) if you want a more fred x reader approach

continue here if not

so youre on the quidditch team

and youre a natural

let me tell you

you just have the innate ability

much like james

and at first they had you as a seeker

and you were good

but you excelled as a chaser

i also firmly believed that there was a practice broom that james had carved his name into

or maybe just a ‘J.P.’

that was the broom you'd practice on

even use for games before you got your own broom

ok so

let’s talk your relationship with harry

you made sure you were the one to tell him what happened to your parents

as i said it was your first year when you fond out about what happened

the gryffindor student had told you what they knew

and you went to professor mcgonagall pretty distraught

you were near tears as you practically begged her to just tell you what happened, you wanted the truth

because all your life your aunt and uncle had told you that your parents had been killed in a car accident

needless to say

you didn't want harry to find out that way

but you also knew he was noticing the stares

the whispers

so you told him on the first night

he had already been put into gryffindor and was getting ready for bed when you are up to his dorm

bECAUSE IT’S CANON THAT GIRLS CAN GO UP INTO THE BOYS DORMS AND BOYS CANT GO UP INTO THE GIRLS DORMS AND I WILL CITE THE PARAGRAPH IF ANYONE NEEDS

and you kinda push out ron, neville, and dean

but yeah thats how he finds out all the details and such

ok so you and harry are sUPER CLOSE

and you are very

v e r y

protective of harry

you'd do anything for the kid

wHEN YOU FIND OUT ABOUT THE WHOLE SORCERER’S STONE FIASCO

YOU ARE LIVID

because harry is your baby brother and you love him so much and don't like seeing him hurt 🥺

as harry grows older he gets a bit more

embarrassed

about having you protective over him

and im pretty sure i mentioned this in the last headcanon post

but yeah he’d be like 14 and you'd be 17 and he'd just

“stOP this is so emBARRASSING”

what a little dweeb

ok leTS TALK ABOUT SIRIUS

BECAUSE YOU AND SIRIUS WERE CLOSE WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER

HE WAS UNCLE PADFOOT

YOU LOVED HIM

until your fifth year (harry’ third) when you were told he betrayed your parents and got them killed

youre in the whomping willow when with harry, hermione, and ron

its a lot for both of you

because sirius is seeing his goddaughter who looks just like james, and his the same fire in her eyes as his bestrfriend

his b r o t h e r

and youre seeing the man who was responsible for your parents murder

again

it was A LOT

i have a feeling you, JAMES POTTERS DAUGHTER, would just lunge at him

and youre crying

trying to hit him

hurt him like he hurt you

just anything to bring pain upon this man

and sirius is having flashbacks of when you had ran to him from next to james’ lifeless body

and how different everything had been just days prior to October 31 1981

upon finding out the truth

scammers is now wormtail

peter ‘little bitch ass’ pettigrew

you and harry are immediately forming this connection

this sort of dependency on sirius

within a few minutes

because he is the only living connection you have to your dad

apart from yourselves of course

but eh was the only reminder that james potter was a real man

and lily potter did exist

and there was a time where your family was complete

it never crossed your mind that any more misfortune could strike

not now

not when you finally got back your uncle pads

and then you guys walk into the moonlight, the full moon light

everything flips instantly

you guys are back to square one

i like to think you have a very big part in getting sirius free

so you guys know what happen in between prisoner of azkaban and order of the phoenix

and this headcanon is already getting very long and we haven't even gotten to the wAR YET

so we are doing a little time jump

order of the phoenix

your last year

you are living with sirius in grimmauld place

petunia and vernon kicked you out once you turned 17 after finding out that was the legal age in the wizarding world

you and sirius are close

super close

i mean he is like a father figure to you

he is uncle pads again

oOO AND OK

AFTER FINDING OUT HIS DAD AND HIS BROS 😤

WERE ALL UNREGISTERED ANIMAGI

OBVIOUSLY YOU WANTED TO BE ONE TOO

youre a gazelle

it just makes sense

father figure sirius is not happy when he finds out

uncle pads, however, couldn't be happier

its finally starting to feel like a family again

you and harry have sirius

aLSO REMUS

icon

anyway

everything is falling into place

you and harry are filling the james sized hole in Sirius’ heart (not completely but it’s better)

and he is doing the same for you two

you and harry love your uncle pads

then the battle in the department of mysteries happens

youre there

you see it

you watch as bellatrix hits sirius with a curse

youre not sure which

nothing too serious you hope, and seeing that he’s still standing he should be fine

but then he stumbles

she's stunned him perhaps

and he makes eye contact with you

there was a look so final, so sad

yet so relieved in his eyes as you watched him fall through the veil

remus grabbed harry

tonks held you

if she hadn’t been you knew you would've thrown yourself into the veil after him

its a whirlwind from then on let me tell you

so we know what happens

all that fun stuff

the war hits

harry, hermione, and ron leave

youre left with the weasley’s

it’s hard being away from harry

not knowing if he was ok

if he was even alive

you guys finally reunite at shell cottage

bill calls you the second he sees harry, hermione, ron, and dobby apparate in front of his house

you were quick to pull harry into a bone crushing hug

keen on never letting go

because after all he is still (and always will be) your baby brother

you guys are all at the battle of hogwarts

oK WAIT

YOU REFUSE TO LET HARRY WALK TO HIS DEATH ALONE

ALSO YOUVE FIGURED WHAT HE PLANS ON DOING BUT NEITHER OF YOU HAVE SAID ANYTHING

NOT WANTING TO ACCEPT THAT THIS COULD BE THE LAST TIME YOU GUYS SEE EACH OTHER

AND THE RESURRECTION STONE COMES OUT

BOTH YOU AND HARRY ARE HOLDING ONTO IT

AND SUDDENLY

SIRIUS

REMUS

THERE ALL THERE

EVEN A WOMAN WITH RED HAIR

AND A MAN WHO LOOKS PAINFULLY FAMILIAR

ok so hear me out

i think harry enjoyed looking at pictures of james and lily

but you didnt

you didnt want to see everything that was taken from you

so you weren’t super aware of what your dad actually looked like seeing as you avoided pictures of him and your mom like the plague

but you just knew

and james was standing there

beaming

and he just looked so proud of you and harry

so did lily

she was the first one to say something

“Your father and I are so proud of the both of you”

and you just broke down

james right there with you

he watched as you sobbed, choking on your cries

and he couldn’t do anything about it

he couldn’t hold you or comfort you

he couldn’t be a dad

and it broke him

as much as it could break a dead man

“you’ve grown so beautiful, darling” he'd smile sadly

his voice seemed to bring back all of your memories once lost

“have you always been here, with us?”

“always.”

“typical, your father shows up and everyone forgets about uncle padfoot”

both you and harry laugh at that

but the mood was somber

harry then speaks up

“does it hurt?”

it was the first time either of you had confirmed that you both knew what was going to happen

“dying? not at all, quicker than falling asleep.”

“will you stay with me?”

“until the very end.

james is the one who answers, looking teary eyes at his son

and you know you cant go any further

harry has to do this alone

its quite symbolic actually

the one time you'd let go of the reigns

removed the protective arms you had around your baby brother

he’d die

but you had to do it

so everything goes as planned

harry dies

comes back

we love a resurrecting king

and the war ends

when you got back home from the war

let’s say you are still living at grimmauld place seeing as it was left to you

the first thing you do is go through old photos with harry

any and everything you can get your hands on

you see your mother’s sparkling green eyes

the same eyes your brother had

and your father’s unruly mop of curls

the same wave pattern in your dark hair

everything finally felt right

tags:

@pogueslandia

@vsawyer1989

@lifeofkaze

@siriusement

@erinruby003

@maybesandohnos

@onlyfreds

@fullofsourgrapes

#harry potter x sister!reader #james potter headcanon #harry potter headcanon #potter!reader

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ashesandhackles · 3 years

Text

The Hogwarts Express scene in Prince's Tale: A Sirius and Snape analysis

I really, really enjoy Sirius and Snape as characters and their respective narrative functions in story. But what gets me most about them is how much Rowling hints about their backgrounds and so much of it makes sense with regard to who they are as adults. So I am going to be breaking down a very small scene from Prince Tale and getting into long winded hypothesis about their respective childhoods.

So, let's start with Snape. The scene begins with Snape rushing to find Lily, already in his Hogwarts clothes. Harry notes he must have been eager to get out of his clothes - ones that look like he borrowed from his mother, as Petunia spitefully pointed out. This has always been a very interesting detail to me - first off, it indicates how poor Snape's family is. Second, this indicates his tiny rebellion from his father - he refuses to wear clothes of the abusive man, and prefers his mother's. I admit, I am partial to the reading that Snape refuses to associate with his father in tiny ways, rather than Tobias refusing to hand his son clothes.

(I have seen readings which say that it is also a sign of neglect - perhaps his parents bought clothes that simply don't fit him, but I am more inclined to think it's a hand me down, simply because Harry identifies so strongly with it. Because Harry knows what it is like to wear a hand me down that don't quite fit, that are too big for you, or the ones that make you look ridiculous.)

Lily and Petunia's relationship is fraught with Petunia's jealousy. And young Lily is upset over it when Snape meets her. "I am not talking to you. Tuney hates me" she tells him. "Because we saw the letter from Dumbledore". Young Lily shows signs of being extremely emotionally reactive and this scene is one of them. It's easier for her to deal with Petunia's rejection of her by telling Snape she doesn't want to talk to him. It's a childish displacement of her hurt over her sister's rejection. (I am genuinely baffled by interpretations that Lily and Hermione are similar. Hermione is very cognitive person, Lily, as we have been shown repeatedly in memories, is not).

Snape, however, with his bad history with Petunia and his inability/ poor social skills to understand why this matters to her, goes: "So what?"

Lily, who throws him a look of deep dislike, says "So she's my sister". This seed is important because this is what develops into "he doesn't get me" feeling she later displays in her teenage scenes with him. Interestingly, most of Lily's personal relationships have deeply interwined love and dislike - Petunia (whose rejection bothers her but she cheerfully informs Sirius that Harry nearly broke a vase her sister sent - which means there is resentment on her end too), James - who she was attracted to even before 7th year but also disliked at one point, and Snape - again, a contentious friendship filled with love and distance.

"She's only a -" we dont get to hear what Snape intended to say. And given his own acrimony with Petunia, it could be anything. However, I read it as "She's only a Muggle" because it ties into his feelings about his father. Snape, who is proud of being half a Prince, emphasizing his magical lineage from his mother's side, his refuge in a violent, neglectful home. (Barty Crouch Jr and Snape with their disappointing fathers - I imagine Voldemort is supremely attractive leader to people with broken homes like this)

Snape, by all accounts, shows a disorganised attachment style. His caregiver, his mother - and perhaps the only parent he seems to have regard for, is too preoccupied by her own abuse to be there for her son - we see this in glimpses Harry sees in OOTP: " woman cowering" where a man shouts at her, and a young, neglected Snape cries in the corner. Children born in homes like this have trouble regulating their emotions, simultaneously displaying tendencies to aggressively lash out or show disassociative symptoms. Both of which Snape displays. Statistically, this is also seen more in low income households where economic instability and resulting domestic instability creates an unsafe environment for the kids to safely form ideas of their identity, or express emotions in healthy ways, modelling instead out of behaviour seen at home.

Then, Snape reminds her that they are going to Hogwarts. He is already in his Hogwarts clothes - now, Snape gets to be the impressive figure. The one who told her about magic, who theorised about how Muggles get letters from magical people, the one who told her about Dementors and Azkaban. He has already left behind the Spinner's End version of him, he wants to bigger than that, and is keen to be in place of magical learning and to join Slytherin. Essentially, he shows signs of unstable identity, insecurity - all prime for grooming into a cult.

And here comes along James Potter, who looks around at the mention of Slytherin. James's comment uses Snape's line and directs it to Sirius instead and it becomes a conversation between them, as a way to bond more with a fellow "rowdy boy" Sirius. Effectively ignoring the other two.

Sirius as we see here, "does not smile" when James talks about Slytherin. He essentially says something that can be construed as a way to nip that conversation in bud: "My whole family has been in. Slytherin". This suggests to me that there is some loyalty to his family there and his disillusionment with them isn't entirely fixed yet. After all, Sirius's intense loyalty to his friends, more specifically James, did not come out of thin air. It is reasonable to suggest that he felt some loyalty to his family at some point and the intensity with which he regards his friends is a reaction to burned off and being a "displaced person without a family" as Rowling put it.

Interestingly, while his reaction to his mother and Bellatrix are obviously sore spots, his response to Regulus is comparatively quite soft. ("Stupid, idiot" - something he calls James later on in the same book, OOTP). I imagine Sirius has quite complicated feelings about his brother and he is capable of nuance (when the person isn't Snape, where his dislike seems to be borne of an intense projection): "The world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters". As someone who is grown up among them, Sirius would understand that.

His framing of Regulus's need to please his parents also further highlights what exactly is the source of disillusionment. He calls Regulus "soft enough to believe them" - which means he is crediting his own intelligence to see through his parents bigoted world view. Clearly, bigotry is not something the Blacks explained in a way that Sirius, eldest of their male line and their heir, bought it. It also probably didn't help the Blacks case that Grimmauld Place is in a Muggle neighborhood and that their eldest son is a bit of a wild boy with interest in pushing boundaries. His intellectual disconnect leads to the righteous rage he later feels but it began there. (Boy, it must suck to discover that everything you have been taught to value in the world and in yourself as the heir is essentially rubbish). Since his differences with his family began with seeds of intellectual disconnect rather than on intense empathy with downtrodden, it makes him, as a pureblooded privileged boy, unable to truly understand Lupin's fears regarding his lycanthropy. Hence, the Werewolf prank (I am not getting to the Snape bit, just the Lupin bit). To James' credit, he does understand what that means for Lupin and saves all three of them from different set of consequences.

Anyway, back to the scene. James, who has made an ass of himself in front of his new friend, who he was getting along with fine until now, then goes "Blimey, I thought you seemed alright". (Btw, I find James wildly large ego kind of hilarious here, especially in light of Snape's comment about him to Sirius in OOTP: "You will know he is so arrogant that criticism simply bounces off him"). Sirius, who I believe has been raised like "royalty" as Blacks would, has good enough social skills to defuse a situation. He grins and says: "Maybe I will break the tradition".

This line is an indication of Sirius's desire for independence, an identity seperate from his family. The use of the word "tradition" is interesting. It sounds like Sirius is expected to behave in a certain way, the heir of Black family whose parents thought being a Black "made you practically royal". Adult Sirius is contemptuous of this, or their "valuable contribution to Ministry" which means they just gave gold - it tells me that any and all conditions put on him by his family were to fulfill tradition that is either worthless or holds no meaning in his eyes. The root of the emotional abuse Sirius suffers from his family is this - realising his parents love for him is conditional on him being a certain way. (In fact, you can read Regulus desire to emphasise his connection to the family as a reaction to what he sees with Sirius - Sirius does not behave, Mum and Dad don't love him). As a child with unconscious knowledge of lack of love, Sirius then acts out, they react, rinse and repeat "until he has had enough". Sirius chafes against boundaries well into adulthood and doesn't react well to people enforcing it on him, even if it is out of love for him. Cue the fire scene with Harry where he behaves as if Harry is rejecting him instead of protecting him.

Sirius asks James about where he wants to go, and Snape, who is incensed about James being insulting about a House he put stock in, which he made part of new identity (so that he is no longer that Snape boy from Spinner's End) and was in general trying to be impressive about in front of Lily, "makes a disparaging noise" once James talks of Gryffindor. Snape's response to James' : "Got a problem with that?" is interesting. He says: "If you'd rather be brawny, rather than brainy-"

This is an important value for Snape. He knows he is clever and values it. He spends his spare time inventing hexes, making great shortcuts to Potions. He has genuine thirst for learning and he hones it. In SWM, we see that he has written far more longer answers than anyone else, he is poring over his paper after exams. He even mocks Hermione's lack of inventive answers: "Answer copied word to word from the textbook, but correct in essentials". He values originality. It may be me stretching this, but I am partial to the reading: this is his way of rejecting his father once again, who is implied to be a violent man. (in other words, someone who is hypermasculine - "brawny". In fact, Snape's rejection of hypermasculinity is a huge post on it's own - Potions (brewing, cauldrons - coded as feminine arts), the doe Patronus, his proficiency in Occlumency and Legliemency (intuitive mind arts, again seen archetypically feminine) etc).

"Where are you hoping to go, seeing as you are neither?" - Sirius is quick with emotionally cutting insults. Snape hasn't even finished his sentence, but Sirius is already on his case. Which suggests growing up in a household with sharp tongues. It's a fair assumption, given Mrs Black's half mad portrait. It also tallies with Sirius's talking about his mother: "My mother didn't have a heart Kreacher, she kept herself alive out of pure spite" . The wounds are fresh enough on this. (Another interesting way Snape and Sirius act as inverse mirrors - Snape rejects his father, Sirius rejects his mother. Sirius acts as proxy for James for Harry while Snape takes on Lily's role of protecting him). However, you know who else is spiteful? Sirius.

While James is the physical bully (the tripping Snape, doing most of the bullying in SWM), Sirius attacks emotionally. ( Sample the one about Snape's appearance - "I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment, there will be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word" or even the carelessly vicious- "Put that away, before Wormtail wets himself in excitement"). Curiously, with all that talk of how his mother being spiteful, it's her room he spends time in when he is depressed. (Again, in inverse mirror way, we can talk of how Snape looks for a father figure in Dumbledore - craves his validation and is proud of Dumbledore's trust in him). We could argue it's also because Buckbeak is there, and perhaps it's the largest room in the house, but it's very telling that's where Sirius spends time when he is "in a fit of sullens". Sirius's sense of abandonment from his family, makes him look for family connections with friends - a trait he shares with Harry. Interestingly, the first time he glimpses Harry in Privet Drive, Harry is also running away from home - just like he did. Anyway, I could go on.

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severusdefender · 3 years

Note

I don't think Jily is toxic necessarily I just think that we don't get enough information on her. Lily is supposed to function more as a symbol in the text and not as a real person. She's the pure loving mother who sacrificed herself for her son. She's great, but very one dimensional and I think that's intentional, although I'm not sure. We don't know enough about their relationship to say that it's toxic because we don't really get that much. Lily doesn't have an arc, she doesn't even fix James, James is just said to have generally matured when Lily decided to give him a chance, except that he was still cursing Snape behind Lily's back. I just think it's so hard to make judgements on that era because we get so little information not only on the Marauders but on Snape as well. We don't know why he joined the death eaters, we don't know how his relationship to other slytherins developed, when he made those spells. Theres so much speculation but the fandom often mistakes fanon for canon.

the information we have so far doesn't make it look good

james pursues her nonstop for 7 years

he targets her best friend

he 'saved' severus from the werewolf and lied about what happened to make himself look good in front of lily and it works

during swm, when lily comes to severus' defense, he asks her out

and then threatens to hex her

he tried to blackmail her into dating him, 'i'll leave snivy alone if you go out with me'

lily sounds disgusted with him and the way he hexes people

even harry wonders if a love potion was involved in them becoming a couple

we're told james changed to impress lily until she went out with him but later we find out he was only pretending

the quick marriage and pregnancy

lily loses her friends that we know she had somehow and her entire social circle is james' social circle. any who survive don't even bother contacting harry. he only meets james' friends. snape doesn't count because he's a spy, he can't just start talking about lily

the way james behaved in petunia and vernon's wedding which greatly upset lily (and further alienated her)

while hiding from voldemort, james sneaks out with the invisibility cloak to have fun. is lily having fun? apparently not

we know james and sirius chose peter as the secret keeper instead of dumbledore but lily is nowhere to be found when it comes to important decisions like these

her letter to sirius black that severus tore... it makes her sound like a stepford wife. no personality whatsoever. no sign that their many months of hiding have gotten her but we know they've gotten to james

so many red flags.

#Anonymous #anti jily #anti james potter

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scriibble-fics · 3 years

Text

Magic

Excerpt from a new Jily seventh-year one-shot that has ballooned dramatically, to the surprise of no one. There's more to come!

As January slips by, days pass without a kiss at minimum, although they’re few and far between. On the other hand, they don’t waste a single day without some form of verbal interaction—laughter in between classes, or banter at mealtimes, or bickering at prefect meetings that almost always serves as a precursor to snogging. Increasingly, new activities join these pastimes that have somehow become cherished. Lily grows closer to his friends, and James makes quick inroads with hers, although sometimes her mates look a little too flattered by his attention for her liking. He requests her help in Potions, and they spend long hours together in the dungeons accomplishing more than just snogging, although that comes with the territory as well. In turn, he insists on aiding her in Transfiguration after Sirius offers continued help, and the way Sirius winks at her when James turns his back has her convinced that he’s pleased for reasons beyond escaping the extra work of tutoring her. Truly, Sirius surprises her more and more as the days melt by, because he easily detaches himself from James’ side to allow for the quiet, private conversations that begin to happen organically between them in the common room, and he even distracts her friends so it can happen. None of her friends complain about this new arrangement that secures Sirius’ attention, but Marlene seems perhaps the happiest of all.

She and James have talked before these conversations, of course. They’ve been housemates for years, after all, and he’s never shied away from paying her attention that she typically hasn’t wanted. Yet most of that attention has erred on the side of either endless banter or endless bickering, and the quiet, fireside chats that happen with more and more regularity feel worlds apart from either of those things. Sure, they still laugh and they still argue, although the laughs are quieter, and more smiles than harsh words accompany the arguments. He watches her plait her hair or rub her neck while they talk, his eyes soft as they discuss their respective career aspirations, and trade gossip about fellow students, and whisper secrets about their friends, and recount memories of the past and hopes for the future. He tells her about his brilliant potioneer father and brilliant herbologist mother, and she can almost picture them as he talks, his father’s spectacles and messy hair and his mother’s rigid posture and kind face. In turn, he asks probing questions about her own family, until she reveals bit by bit about her jolly, constantly-teasing dad and loving caretaker of a mum. Eventually, she even tells him about Petunia too, although it comes even more difficultly than any mention of her parents.

“I didn’t even know you had a sister,” he says one particularly chilly night as wind whips past the common room windows. She feels her shoulders shift outside of her control, and he catches the subtle change. He always does. “What?”

She’s trying, just like she’d promised Marlene, and it doesn’t come easily. “I’m sure her friends have said that to her about me.”

He takes that in for a moment. “Maybe,” he says eventually. “She’d be stupid not to claim you, though. Besides—” It sounds like he’s carefully counting each word. “Family isn’t about blood. It’s a choice. I mean, look at Sirius.”

He means it metaphorically, not literally, but they both look towards where Sirius lounges nearby, laughing with his friends and hers. It’s late, and particularly late for a weekday, so Sirius’ laughter sounds especially loud in the near-empty common room. Watching him throw his head back in amusement, it’s nearly impossible not to smile with him, and James does.

She doesn’t. If anything, Sirius’ laughter triggers something even sadder inside her, and for reasons she doesn’t fully understand, not at first. “It’s not fair,” she says quietly, words spoken without thought, and it all clicks together abruptly, like a radio station suddenly in tune. Her throat burns, and she clears it as she looks towards the fire. “Sorry. Sorry, I—” Her explanation falters and then dies in her mouth. There are probably words express it all—the sudden clarity in Sirius’ constant gregarious nature that he uses to win people over like his life depends upon it, her own people-pleasing ways, the ease of their bond that she’s never understood before—but trying to find them hurts too much to even contemplate past a couple of painful seconds.

James reaches for her hand, which has clenched into a fist atop her lap. Somehow, the slow stroke of his fingers eases the tension that has turned her knuckles white. Her hand opens, and his thumb caresses each of her knuckles as color returns. “Save your apologies for the next time you piss me off,” he says, and he turns her hand over in her lap.

She watches as he presses their palms together, his fingers dwarfing hers, and her mouth smiles before she catches herself at it. “It seems like I’ve been pissing you off less lately.”

He returns her smile, his fingers lacing through hers in a brief, warm squeeze. “It’s hard to get mad at you when you’re getting me off all the time.” Something shifts in his voice, something that squeezes her insides.

“Same, but don’t take that as a challenge to piss me off.”

He chuckles softly. “You know me too well. Well, I’m glad we finally figured out how to get you to tolerate me.”

His hand remains locked in hers, his thumb once again slowly brushing over her knuckles. She’s not sure which is more difficult to look at: their hands, fitted so neatly together, or his face, which radiates more warmth than even moments before. “Tolerate,” she repeats, skeptical. That hardly sums up the things he does to her body—and to her mind, and, increasingly, to her heart—on a regular basis. “The same goes for you.”

“Evans.” Her name comes out chidingly, and he waits until she looks at him before he goes on. “I don’t just tolerate you. And I’d—” He takes in a deep breath, eyes flickering back and forth between each of hers. “Your sister is stupid,” he says again, but it sounds entirely different somehow. “Anyone would be lucky to claim you. I told you—you’re magic.”

It’s not the first time he’s declared as much to her since the train, but it’s the first time that it sounds like something other than heated talk spoken against her mouth or skin. For the first time, she catches a glimmer of what he means—or a glimmer of what it means to her, at least, since she has no way of knowing if he feels the same. Something stretches between them, a moment that’s brief but heavy and undeniable, and she wants to look away, but she can’t. She’s suspended in time, held entirely in place on the other side of his gaze.

It’s magic, what holds her there, a magic unlike any she’s ever discovered.

“Thank you.” Her voice comes out soft and a little small. She sounds nothing like herself.

He doesn’t call her on it. He moves closer to her, shifting towards the edge of his armchair until their knees touch, and his other hand joins where he’s still holding hers atop her lap. “I’m rather good at palm reading, you know,” he says, and the magic between them snaps as the fireplace crackles, and so abruptly that she jumps a little. Before she can blink, things settle back into familiar patterns, from the lazy smile on his face to the teasing in his tone to her own immediate banter in return.

“Don’t insult my intelligence. You dropped out of Divination fourth year. I haven’t forgotten.”

“Flattered you remember my movements so closely.” He releases her hand so he can pull it into his own lap, and he traces a fingertip along her palm, drama exuding from every pore. “If you’re too scared to know your future—worried who might be in it, maybe—”

“Go on, then.”

The future—as told by James—holds things she expects and things that she doesn’t.

She expects him to predict a long life. She expects him to predict a continued close relationship with her friends. She expects him to predict a prosperous career in brewing, because she’s confided those dreams in him. He tells her all of those things as he tickles her palm with twisting caresses.

Yet she doesn’t expect his long description of her handsome future husband, a man who will allegedly propose many times before she’ll finally accept. She also doesn’t expect his recounting of all the children she’ll have, enough for an entire Quidditch team.

She’s laughing by the end, and he’s laughing with her. “That’s too many kids,” she says. “I’m not doing that to my body, and I can’t imagine that this wonderful husband of mine—”

“He’s handsome too, don’t forget.”

“Right. I can’t imagine that this wonderful, handsome husband of mine will expect it of me.” She wiggles her fingers. “Look again, will you?”

He obliges with all the seriousness of a seer, and his hair falls in front of his face as he bends in concentration. “Maybe not quite that many, but at least two, maybe three. It’s a lonely existence, being an only child. Your husband, he’ll feel pretty strongly about that.”

Thank god he’s looking at her hand. Thank god he’s looking at her hand and not her face, because—

All banter and faux predictions aside, she’s tempted to start practicing for those babies with him right then and there.

Accidentally or on purpose, she’s falling in love with him, and it’s all his fault.

#jily #jilyfic #james potter #lily evans #marauders #marauders fanfiction #scriibble has no chill #and needs to stfu up and finish EA #but inspiration is a fickle beast

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talkfastromance4 · 3 years

Text

fun day with uncles//Luke&Lily special feat Ashton and Calum

a/n: I want to expand on the relationships the girls have with their uncles (and soon Oliver and Michael) so I hope you enjoy!

word count: 2.1 k

warnings: none, just fun and fluff with our girls and Cashton :)

Luke&Lily Masterlist

Enjoy!

***

You and Luke were going to the doctor’s office for Oliver’s routine check-ups and Calum and Ashton offered to take the girls out for a day. Lily and Posy were talking nonstop about it during breakfast asking where they were going and what they were going to do.

“Will Duke be with us?” Lily asks while you’re styling her hair in her room. Luke has Posy in her room getting her dressed and Oliver is in his swing sucking on his fingers.

“I don’t know, honey. I guess we’ll see when they come pick you up,” you kiss her head watching her pull on her socks.

That was the one request Ashton and Calum had for you and Luke; the girls had to wear shoes and socks. You had packed sunscreen, goldfish crackers, and some extra pull-ups for Posy in case she had an accident. She’s been doing really well going potty on the toilet but accidents happen. You packed an extra outfit and sweaters just in case and placed them in one of Luke’s backpacks.

You figured Ashton and Calum wouldn’t want to carry around the baby bag that you have.

“I ready! Let’s go!” Posy announces skidding to a stop in Lily’s doorway.

“Uncle Ash and Uncle Cal aren’t here yet, bug,” Luke laughs poking at her cheeks from behind.

The girls busied themselves with their toys as you and Luke made sure you had everything you needed for Oliver. Then there was a knock on the door followed by Petunia barking and the girls screaming in excitement running down the hall.

When it opens, Posy rushes to Ashton’s legs and Lily grabs hold of Calum’s hands pulling him inside the house.

“Hey, hey, let them get in the door,” Luke laughs entering the living room behind you.

Oliver woke up from the loud noises and you scooped him up into your arms, rocking him slightly until he calmed down.

“I want to be greeted like this everywhere I go,” Calum laughs, lifting Lily in his arms. “Are you ready for a day of fun, Lils?”

“Yes! Where are we going?” Lily asks.

“Up, up, up Unca Ash!” Posy is trying to climb her way up Ashton’s legs. He picks her up easily as well and pokes her nose.

“Hi little one,” he grins then turns to Lily. “It’s a surprise, but there’s rides, animals, and yummy food.”

You and Luke exchange a look. Rides?

“What kind of rides?” Luke asks, his eyes moving to Lily who’s always been the most cautious with certain things.

“A carousel and pony rides,” Calum eases.

“Ponies?” Lily’s eyes widened.

“Do not let them out of your sight,” Luke warns, lifting the backpack you packed and handing it to Ashton.

“We won’t. How long do you think you’ll be at the doctor’s?” Ashton asks. Calum moves forward towards you and gazes lovingly at Oliver.

“No idea. They’ll probably check his oxygen levels, weigh him, take some blood...a few hours at least,” you respond. “I packed extra clothes and some snacks for them.”

“We’ll be back before dinnertime,” Ashton informs. “You girls ready to go?”

“Bye mama! Bye Daddy!” Posy waves.

“Have fun and listen to your uncles, okay?” you tell them. “And hold their hands.”

“We will mama. Bye Olly!” Calum sets her back on the ground and she touches Oliver’s arm softly.

***

Ashton carries Posy along the grounds of where the circus is in town. There’s a train painted in bright colors with animals drawn all over it and clowns are walking around. Lily is holding onto Calum’s hand taking in all of the sights around her.

“Where should we go first?” Ashton asks, looking at the booths of face painting, jewelry, t-shirts, concessions, and games with colorful stuffed animals.

“Let’s just start on one end and work our way around,” Calum shrugs.

And so they did. First, they ordered a large lemonade that was shared amongst the four of them and looked at the animals. Lily and Posy wanted to feed them so Calum bought the food from a machine that usually holds pieces of gum. He took photos and videos of the girls laughing at the tickling sensation from the goats’ whiskers.

“Goats are pretty cute,” Ashton muses, scratching one on the head.

“No way are you going to get a goat,” Calum shakes his head.

“I want a goat!” Posy claps her hands.

“Ask your daddy that, little one,” Ashton giggles.

They wash their hands and look at the rest of the animals for a bit longer until Posy whispers something in Ashton’s ear.

“She needs to use the potty,” Ashton tells Calum with wide eyes.

“Oh, okay. Uhh…” Calum looks around but all he sees are portable ones. “Looks like those are our best option.”

“Those are disgusting,” Ashton crinkles his nose. “There has to be an actual bathroom somewhere. Let’s ask someone.”

Calum and Lily follow him to a worker and shockingly enough, there is an actual bathroom building but it’s way in the back.

“Can you hold it until we’re at the bathrooms, little one?” Ashton asks, already walking towards the back at a brisk pace. Calum and Lily follow.

They push through the crowds of people muttering their apologies. At long last, they’re in front of the building and thankfully see a door that’s labeled as ‘family’ restroom.

“Here we go,” Ashton says and Calum stops him.

“Do you even know what to do?”

“I’m not dumb, it can’t be that hard. Have some faith, man,” Ashton shakes his head and moves into the restroom.

Calum looks down at Lily who gives him a nervous smile.

“Do you think Uncle Ash will drop her in the toilet?” Calum asks and she giggles.

“I hope not. Dada always sings when she’s on the potty to help.”

Calum looks to the restroom door and approaches it. He knocks lightly.

“Occupied!”

“It’s me!” Calum shouts. “Lily says Luke sings to her to help her go.”

“Sings what?”

Calum looks down at Lily.

“Wheels on the bus.”

“Wheels on the bus!” Calum shouts.

“Got it! Thanks!”

Calum notices a bench against the wall and he pulls Lily onto his lap.

“You’re such a great big sister, you know that? You remind me of my big sister,” he says then realizes Mali hasn’t officially met the girls or Oliver.

“Who?”

“My big sister, Mali.”

“Mama showed me Mali! She sings pretty.”

“Yeah, she does,” Calum grins, “she’d love to meet you someday. I’ll see if she can come visit me soon.”

“Can we ride the ponies next?” Lily asks and Ashton comes out with Posy with a triumphant smile.

“Did it all go well, then?” Calum asks.

“She did such a good job,” Ashton praises and Posy is grinning like he is. “Your mama and daddy are going to be so proud of you, Posy.”

“Way to go Posy!” Calum and Lily clap their hands. “Lils wants to go on the pony rides next.”

“Then let’s go see some ponies!”

Calum and Ashton were able to walk alongside the ponies to make sure the girls didn’t fall off. There was a strap that could be secured around their waists. Calum held onto Lily who kept petting at the pony’s mane and neck as he strutted around the circle.

Ashton was speaking in a southern accent trying to sound like a cowboy and Posy was laughing the whole ride.

After the ponies, they had lunch which consisted of a slice of pizza and some fruit that was sold as a side. Games were next and Posy loved watching Ashton do the hammer one to test his strength. Her peels of laughter encouraged him to keep trying until he finally hit the bell at the top.

He asked Posy which toy she wanted as a prize and chose a purple looking monster with orange teeth and green hair. Lily looked at it apprehensively so Calum towed her along to the water games. She had a good shot with the water guns being aimed at the spinning target as it ascended up the pole, but she didn’t beat the buzzer.

“It’s okay Lils, let’s try this one over here.”

They walk over to the ping pong toss over small fish bowls while Ashton and Posy are throwing balls at glass bottles. Calum buys a bucketful of ping pongs and tries to help Lily with her throws. He loves how dainty she holds the white ball in her hand and she sticks her tongue out in concentration. One of her eyebrows quirks up and she looks so much like Y/N when she does it it throws Calum for a loop.

“Try not to aim for one certain one,” Calum says. “Just throw it and I’m sure you’ll make one in.”

“Okay…” Lily tosses a ball.

She and Calum watch it in slow motion as it hits one bowl then falls into the one next to it. Lily lets out a scream and Calum whoops in excitement as the attendant shouts out “WINNER TO THE LITTLE GIRL IN PINK!”

“I won! Unca Cal I won!” she jumps up and down clutching Calum's fingers.

“Way to go, Lils!” He congratulates and Ashton and Posy come by.

“What’s going on?” Ashton asks just as the attendant comes forward with a bag of water and a small pink fish.

“Lily won a fish,” Calum explains proudly and takes the bag.

“No way! Lily, that’s awesome!”

“I thought she’d like this pink one,” the attendant smiles.

“She loves pink, thank you,” Calum grins and bends down to Lily’s height. “What do you think, Lils?”

“He’s pretty,” she smiles, poking the bag lightly where the small fish is poking in the corner. “Will mama let me keep him?”

“I don’t see why not, you don’t have to walk them.”

“I love him. His name is Bruno.”

“That’s the perfect name,” Calum grins.

“Po, look at my fish.”

Posy scrambles down from Ashton’s arms and presses her nose to the bag.

“He’s tiny!” Posy crinkles her nose.

The rest of the day Calum carried Bruno and Lily would check on him periodically. Posy started to get fussy and they ended the day at the pet store to get some supplies for Bruno. The clerk informed them that Bruno was a male betta fish and about 6 months old.

Calum bought a small tank with gray stones and a lily pad for the fish to sleep on; Lily loved knowing that bit of information that betta fish like to nestle. He bought food and some colorful fake plants.

Ashton stayed with Posy in the car because she fell asleep on the ride to the pet store.

“He won’t...die right away will he?” Calum asks nervously as Lily inspects some more water accessories.

“No, as long as you feed him and change the water periodically he should live for about four years.”

“Four?”

“That’s the average lifespan of betta’s. He’ll be a good starter fish for her if she wants to get another one. When the time comes.”

Calum feels saddened by that because he doesn’t want Lily to be sad when the fish will die. But she’s so enamored by him there’s no way he’ll tell her any of this.

He’ll just tell Luke.

***

“Mama! Look what I got!” Lily runs through the door with Bruno in his bag. She stops in the kitchen where you’re making dinner, Oliver is held against you in the wrap around your body. “I won him! His name is Bruno and Uncle Cal got him a nice home and some food!”

“He did? Wow, he’s so pretty sweetie,” you smile looking at the pink fish.

“What’s with all the noise, is there a circus in town?” Luke asks, coming up from the stairs. “Hey bug, are you still sleepy?” He takes Posy from Ashton’s arms, Posy rests her head in Luke’s neck.

“Look dada! I got a fish!” Lily spins around and shows Luke Bruno.

“Oh wow, and he’s pink! Did you have fun at the circus?”

“Yeah, Po used the potty and won a monster. We had lemonade and pizza and cotton candy. Can Uncle Cal help me with Bruno’s tank?” Lily looks up at you and Luke.

“Absolutely. Thanks for buying everything Uncle Cal,” you smile at him and Lily runs to her room. Luke follows to put Posy down to finish her nap and Ashton crashes on the couch sighing heavily. “Busy day, huh?”

“I don’t know how you and Luke do it,” Calum shakes his head. “And now with three? You’re super human.”

“I’m just a mom.”

“You’re the best mom, lovie,” Luke reappears with a smile. “I take it you two are staying for dinner? Need us to bathe you and tuck you into bed as well?”

“The only one I’ll let bathe me is Y/N,” Ashton sighs, closing his eyes and you laugh loudly.

“Sorry mate, she’s all mine,” Luke gives you a kiss on the cheek and Calum goes to Lily’s room. “Can’t wait to spend the weekend with you, soon.”

Taglist: @calumance @in-superbloom @calpalirwin @karajaynetoday @wiiildflowerrr @sunshineeeluke @littledrummeraussie @suchalonelysunflower @hoodhoran @Fobodob @thew0rldneedsmcreycghurt @sunshineeashton @ashtonsunflower @mymindwide @itjustkindahappenedreally @seanna313 @fivesecondsofonedirection

Luke&Lily: @prentisswrites

#luke & lily #uncle!sos #uncle ashton #uncle calum #luke&lily oneshot #luke&lily fluff

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xreaderbooks · 3 years

Text

Together

Pair: Sirius Black x Reader

Warnings: None

Word count: 1.6k

Summary: Reader remembers Hers and Sirius’ relationship until he gets thrown in Azkaban.

A/N: Hey guys! so I found this in my drafts, I don’t know why I didn't post it but here it is now. It’s unedited but I hope you enjoy either way. Let me know if you have any requests :)

Masterlist

That night y/n knew something was wrong. It felt dark, more eerie as if all the dementors had been let loose into the world. It had been a couple of hours since Sirius had left. Sirius thought it was too dangerous for the both of you to go. So you stayed behind in the flat you both shared. ‘He’ll come’ she thought. She occupied herself by cleaning til there wasn’t a speck of padfoots hair. Then the thought of Sirius came back, ‘He should’ve been back by now’

Back in her hogwarts days y/n was but a shy, introverted (h/h) who didn’t have that many friends and was mainly focused on trying to pass her exams. Back in Sirius Blacks hogwarts days he was a mischevious arsehole that slept with what seemed like the entire female population of hogwarts, and did a lot of pranks with his equally idiotic best friends. Sirius only knew of y/n because she was an acquaintance of Lily and would be the Marauders source of information when it came to literally anything Remus nor Lily wanted to answer. Besides being acquaintances with the group of boys y/n knew Sirius because well he was Sirius Black, who didn’t know him.

They were never close in those years until a moment in forbidden forest. y/n was caring for creatures and Sirius was taking a walk as padfoot because he had gotten news of his brother joining the death eaters. He tried to do everything he could to protect him from that life but to no avail. He saw you when he transformed back into his human self and couldn’t avoid you when you saw him.

“What are you doing here?” y/n asked shocked, she hadn’t heard him, she always tried to be vigilant since the forbidden forest was filled with all kinds of dangerous creatures.

“I could ask you the same thing l/n.”

“I was accompanying the bowtruckles, they get lonely you know?”

“Care to share your thoughts on what you just saw.”

“I don’t know what I just saw.” To that response he raised an eyebrow and turned his head like a dog being confused at what its seen. At that he put a finger to his mouth in a shushing motion while backing away slowly and winking as he transformed into his animagus.

~~~

You saw him again the next day in the great hall during lunch, you two never really talked if it wasn't for one of his schemes so you were a bit nervous coming up to him. Which is exactly what you needed his help with. The idea dawned on you when you say him yesterday. After all, you help him all the time with him pranks. There was a Gryffindor girl that wouldn't stop bothering you and you wanted some payback. Walking in you went to the Gryffindor table you sat beside him.

“Come to talk about your findings yesterday ” He turned around in his seat, a wide grin set on his face.

“Um no, actually I need your help.” You tucked your hair behind your ear. “I wanna prank someone, I wanna make it embarrassing and I want the person to know it was me.”

“Wow y/n, didn't know you had a bad side”

“You wouldn't know any of my sides Black considering you know nothing of me.” You glared.

“No need to be defensive love, besides I know plenty” He said sounding all so confident. “I know Your a (y/h), I know you have a book with you wherever you go, I know you at least answer one question in class because you’d rather answer questions your sure you know of and have the teacher leave you alone for the rest of the class or you’d rather be secretly reading in your corner-”

“I think I get the point, Stalker.” You blushed and hid behind your hair.

“Only for you.” He winked.

“When are you free so we can figure out a schedule.”

“Suddenly my schedules all cleared up, for as long as you need me.” The mischievous glint in his eyes didn’t go un noticed as you rolled your eyes, and beginning to come up with a plan.

~~~

Over the course of the next few days you and Sirius had spent a countless amount of hours together setting up a boggart in the Gryffindor girls dorm, you had set up triggers so that the girls fears could be produced and the boggart could appear.

You and Sirius would be there just in case. Hearing the girls scream was your cue as you burst into the room and shouted ‘Ridikulus’

The fear on the girls faced satisfied you enough and you smirked while she glared at you. “You did this.” She sneered.

“Did what? I just saved your sorry arse.”

She huffed as she shoved passed you.

You celebrated with Sirius after with some pumpkin pasties he stole from the kitchens. He promised to take you out on a real celebratory dinner in Hogsmeade, it sounded more like he was asking you on a date more than what he was suggesting but you liked the last option much better.

Your celebration didn’t last long until McGonnagal summoned you into her office, the Gryffindor told her what you did and Professor McGonnagal gave you detention.

Luckily you weren't alone. A certain raven haired troublemaker got himself caught doing Merlin knows what.

You asked him what he was doing there, when he showed up later than the set time for detention.

“What do you mean? It wouldn’t be fair if you had to deal with this alone, we did this together after all.”

~~~

Those days changed your life. He changed your life. He made you a stronger person and if anything were to happen to him, you would go back to the girl who had no backbone because he was your backbone, he was your everything and you would crumble without him.

That was why, the moment you heard news of Sirius getting arrested you snapped. You pushed all of your closest friends away, got out of the order tired of all the pitied glances they would send your way. The audacity of these people to show you sympathy but not show any towards Sirius who they assumed betrayed them. But you knew he would never.

He’d rather die than betray Lily and James, or anybody in the order for that matter. So you left you told them they could all go to hell. The only person who stuck was Remus. He was a constant, he kept you somewhat grounded, if it wasn't for him you’d probably be dead by alcohol poisoning or something. Although you could tell the faith he had in Sirius’ innocence was fading, you still appreciated him for taking care of you. In days where things were bad he would even shower you. It was bad.

Until one day you saw reports of him escaping Azkaban. You couldn’t believe it, Would he come for you or Harry first. ‘This idiot’ Was all that was running through your head. They’ll be coming for him and maybe you, since most people knew that you and Sirius were close to being married. You hoped he thought this through, and that he would come to you first. Although you did know that he’d want to see his Godson, but it wasn't safe for him. No doubt Harry would be angry. ‘If he even knew.’ that thought angered you and brought back old memories. Petunia and her husband probably didn’t tell him anything.

You had tried to take on the role of Harrys guardian. That was your right entirely considering you were his Godmother and Sirius, his Godfather. However Dumbledore overstepped and said he should be kept hidden in case You-Know-Who came for him. It was bullshit but by the time you got to Godrics Hollow, Hagrid already took him. You argued with Dumbledore on this matter, even going to Little Whinging and once again was interfered by Dumbledore.

In the middle of thinking about what could happen and what has already happened, a scratching sound was heard at your door. Your heart pounded, you knew it was him. You opened the door and there he was in his animagus form. Once he was inside and you closed the door, you used your wand to close the windows and turn on the lights in your house.

“Sirius.” You whispered, He transformed back into his human form and you wrapped your arms around his neck and he wrapped his arms around your waist.

“Hello, My love.” He nuzzled his face into your neck.

~~~

After you insisted he showered before you talked about what would happen next, he hugged you once more again breathing in your scent. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you more.” Your eyes were brimming with tears. “It’s been too long.”

He nodded, you noticed his watery eyes. “God we’ve become such saps.”

“12 years of not seeing each other, I say we have a right to be.” He laughed out.

“Did you find Harry?” You asked.

He shook his head no. “I came to find you first, I figured we could find a way to ease him into the truth. I can’t stand him thinking I could betray his parents, you know I would never-”

“Of course not,” You let out a chuckle. “You think I'd let you in if I truly believed that.”

“I knew you would believe me.”

“Always.” You smiled and squeezed his hand. “So how do we deal with this?”

“I don’t know but we’ll find a way we always do.” He looked in your eyes.

“Together.”

252 notes · View notes

startanewdream · 3 years

Text

Mia

Summary: It’s not really an unplanned pregnancy if you planned it once - even it was twenty years ago, right?

Or the road leading to James and Lily’s baby number two. (Part of the Jily Lives AU)

Note: To be edited later with a link to AO3 as soon as this gets a title. Edited with the link to AO3 if you prefer. Also, this time there is mention of Sirius and Remus being alive because after the last one, I felt guilty.

Warning for... mentions of sex. That’s how babies are made after all.

_________________________

They are in bed, Lily’s head over his chest while he caresses her hair, both still recovering their breaths when she first talks about it.

'How do you feel about another?'

James raises his eyebrows.

'I don't know if I should be happy you enjoyed so much you already want more or if I should be concerned you are not satisfied, Lily'.

'What? No -' she giggles, turning in bed to stare at him, her auburn hair floating around her. 'I meant about another child'.

James is silent for a few seconds, considering it.

'So that means you are not satisfied'.

She rolls her eyes, but James can see the amusement in her face.

'In bed with you, yes, I am', she assures, placing a soft kiss on his chest, over his heart. 'But about kids, I've been thinking about it'.

James bits his lips.

'You know how I feel about it', he whispers. 'I hated so much being an only child that I found myself brothers as soon as I could'.

'Yeah and you did propose to me mentioning how you would like a house full of kids - enough to fill a Quidditch team, if I remember correctly'.

'I was babbling, afraid you were going to refuse me! You know you can't use someone's desperate proposal against him'.

She smiles softly.

'So you don't want a bunch of children?'

He touches her hair once more, keeping his eyes on the auburn strands, and it comes to his mind that he would like a child with that gorgeous hair of her.

'I do. Maybe not seven, but I don't want Harry to be an only child. It's just -'

He doesn't finish, but James knows he doesn't need to. Harry is just fifteen months old, an unplanned child in the middle of a war they are not close to winning and, truth be told, if James and Lily had more sense, they would not have one child, let alone another one.

And there is the fact that their only son is already too much involved in this war.

'Hey', she cups his face. 'Let's plan together'.

There is a pleading tone in her voice, and he knows that what Lily is asking is hope - for better days, for a time where they can have more children without worrying about what will happen to them.

He looks back at her and when their eyes meet, his heart beats faster. It should be silly considering what they were doing minutes ago and how he possibly cried in very colourful words that he loved her, but this is one of those moments where time seems to stop and he realizes, with a wave of electricity running through his body, with a certainty that leaves room for no doubt, that he loves her with all he has.

That’s why they are together, that’s why he asked her to marry him. Not because he feared for the future, not because he was desperate to enjoy as much time with her as they had left.

But because he loved her since what seems always now, and he won’t deny any hope for Lily, not when he's been living on it.

He kisses her softly.

'Let’s plan’, he agrees. ‘I think… maybe four kids would be nice. Two boys, two girls'.

She smiles.

'Well, we can't plan that'. Then Lily throws him a knowing look. 'You are thinking about forming a new group of Marauders, aren't you?'

He smiles unabashedly.

'Just think about family photos. Each one of our kids dresses as one of the Marauders. It would be the cutest thing ever'.

Her eyes shine, seeing beyond him.

'It would. Fine, four kids. We will need a bigger house'.

'We can expand the house, you know. My dad always said he thought of creating a new wing here; there is plenty of land'.

'Two rooms to begin with. They can share until they are older'.

‘Sirius always slept in my room when he came over’, James remembers fondly. ‘We almost burnt the house once or twice, I must warn you’.

‘Consider me warned. Petunia and I had separate rooms, but when I was younger -’, she pauses suddenly, and James can see the concern on her face. ‘What if they don’t like each other?’, she whispers.

‘They will’.

‘You can’t know for sure, I mean - you see how Petunia is with me. And Sirius can’t even talk about Regulus, what if -’

‘You are worrying too much, Lily’, he says gently, kissing the top of her head. ‘Maybe they will best friends, maybe they won’t. But I’m sure they will be family no matter what’.

She looks thoughtfully, but after a minute she nods.

‘What about next year? Harry will be two, it’s a good age gap’.

‘It would be nice. We can start practising now if you want’.

‘I thought we already did’, Lily winks at him. ‘But we can repeat tomorrow’.

‘Halloween fun?’, he smirks. ‘Will you be wearing a costume?’

‘Only if you do - and no, your antlers tiara doesn’t count’.

He pouts, making her giggle and kiss him until his expression relax.

‘Hey, Lily’, he calls her, his voice resounding with the hope he associates with Lily. ‘Let’s have another child’.

___________________

When Harry is five and he starts Muggle school, it comes to James that his son has been lacking other kids in his life. It’s not that he is lonely - he couldn’t be, not with James and Lily always there for him, not with the almost daily visits from Sirius and Remus, but he suddenly wishes there were more children in the house.

Now, he can’t count on Sirius or Remus to help him with it - both of them seem to avoid relationships like the plague, though for different reasons -, so he rounds Lily while she is in her office preparing a potion.

‘James?’, she calls surprised, when his arms embrace her from behind and he kisses her exposed neck (James loves when Lily is making potions because she keeps her hair on a bun and he has a weak spot for her neck). ‘This will explode if I don’t stir it’.

‘Let it explode’.

‘It’s a Draught of Living Death, we will turn into zombies if -’

‘Let’s make a baby’.

That makes her take her wand to freeze the potion and turn to him, with a funny smile.

‘Is that a weird way of asking for sex? If so - you used better lines before’.

‘No, I mean, sex is good too and most necessary, but I mean it, Lily. Let’s try for another kid’.

Lily blinks.

‘Why now?’

‘Why not now? Harry is still young, we are definitively young, what’s keeping us from having more?’

She bits her lip, thoughtful, and James feels suddenly dismayed.

‘Unless you don’t want anymore?’

‘It’s not that, I want it - it’s just, with everything that happened -’

‘I know, it slipped out of my mind too. But now, we are living in this peace for a while…’

‘But it won’t last, will it?’, she whispers as if she feels guilty of even thinking about it. ‘Dumbledore says he isn’t really dead and when he returns -’

‘Maybe he will stay hidden forever, maybe he is too weak to try anything’.

She smiles sadly.

‘Every time I look at Harry’s scar I know that something will happen, James. That’s not a normal scar, that means something, and I get scared’.

‘Hey’, he hugs her. ‘As long as we are together, we can face anything - didn’t we prove that before?’

‘Yeah, but - is it fair? To put someone innocent in the middle of our mess?’

‘It was not fair with Harry, but we managed. We can do it again’.

‘James…’

Lily looks at him and James sees she is not convinced, not really; he knows Lily enough to understand that she is rational - she likes to think first, whereas James is always the more impulsive. They complement each other. He takes her to fly, she remembers him to come back to the ground.

And he understands what she means, even if he wishes things were different.

‘You are right’, he sighs. ‘At least for now, until we see how things really are’.

She smiles, touching his face with fondness.

‘I want it, I really do. Don’t forget it’.

James kisses her hand on his face.

‘I won’t. In fact, if you want to start practising now -’

____________________

It’s just because the house is empty now that Harry is off to Hogwarts that the subject returns; they don’t exactly talk about it. James just sees Lily is not taking her potions anymore - they look at each other, understanding passing between them (one of the benefits of being married for over ten years) - and then suddenly and simply as that they are trying.

It feels a little weird to actually hope for once that something comes out of their moments together, but it’s Lily. He forgets everything when he is with her, focusing on just enjoying her company and touches and how they made each other feel.

But time passes and nothing happens. It’s been only three months, it’s nothing unusual, and Lily mentions seeing a doctor when the owl comes to tell them how someone jinxed Harry’s broom on his first Quidditch match.

That doesn’t seem like a good sign.

When they return home months after, in June, after seeing Harry all bandaged in the hospital, after hearing him talking about coming face to face with Voldemort, they don’t say anything. He buys the herbs for Lily and she is not surprised when he gives them to her.

There is no need to talk about it.

____________________

Most of the time their lives are full of things happening and Harry is always at the centre of a storm, so when James thinks about it, Lily was right. He can’t imagine facing dementors and going back to the Order with a young child to be cared for.

He can’t imagine how their child would be a target, how vulnerable and defenceless their child would be, without a love protection, without a prophecy somehow binding its fate. They made the right choice of postponing their second child.

That’s the rational part of him that suddenly vanishes the moment he sees Lily holding baby Teddy Lupin in her arms for the first time, that cute fat baby that giggles at her, closing his eyes for a minute - and then his blue hair turns as red as hers and his eyes are bright green.

It’s like a mini-Lily and suddenly James wishes more than ever that this war is over soon - or that it had never even begun because he can see that other life, the one where there was no Voldemort. Instead, James and Lily’s lives are filled with more children, happy shining kids whose worst problems are passing their school exams and not surviving. The life he always wanted for Harry.

His eyes meet Lily’s and she smiles at him, offering him to hold Teddy. It’s been forever since James held a baby, but he still remembers, not really forgetting all these nights he took care of Harry. Teddy is a quiet baby, smiling at him too, his hand raised to try to grab his glasses.

‘He is perfect’, he whispers, looking to Remus. His friend is beaming - James understands that happiness that comes with holding your child for the first time, with seeing that miracle in the shape of a baby that you swear to protect with all your heart.

‘Of course he is’, Tonks says cheerfully, while Remus hugs her, holding her close to him as if he doesn't believe he gets to be this happy.

James understands the feeling of living that light bright moment right after coming out of the darkness. There is nothing like that.

He returns Teddy to Tonks when he starts to whimper for his mother, and then he looks at Lily.

Her green eyes are filled with longing for a life they promised themselves they would have, and also a little bit of hurt. How did they lose sight of their dreams?

They both know the answer but it's not a comfort.

Later, when they apparate back to their hiding place - a sorry little apartment where they pretend to be a normal boring couple -, they don't wait to turn out the lights and they don't say anything before their lips are meeting, and it's desperate and harsh as it has not been for a long time.

Somehow James feels like they are making up for a lost time that won't go anywhere and that they can't retrieve anyway.

It doesn't matter.

When they first married all they had was their love and dreams. They still love each other and for those dreams - they will accomplish them.

________________

They never speak out loud but somehow in the aftermath of the last battle, it feels right that they get a new beginning just as everyone else is having.

It’s all about rebuilding - Hogwarts, then the wizarding world - the Ministry, the Aurors, organising a system that was clearly outdated - and their home. It's a long process and in the middle of it, they forget about worrying, about planning; they just go with the flow and somehow it works without they even meaning to.

Lily has this weird expression on her face, one that seems to mix disbelief and amazement as she turns to him one morning and says as if the most natural thing:

‘James? I think I’m pregnant’.

That’s the first difference from their first time. Now he is the one that leaves for the pharmacy while Lily prepares a potion - they will test twice, just to be sure - and they are together while they wait for both tests to tell them if her feelings were right on the spot.

They are.

There are two lines on the muggle pregnancy test and the potion turns blue and suddenly like that they know they will be parents again.

She hugs him then, her eyes filled with tears of pure joy, laughing when she sees James is really crying now.

‘I love you so much!’, he declares brightly, kissing every part of her face that he can (but with care, because a pregnant Lily always seems fragile to him, no matter the fact he knows this is not true).

And it feels that this is what he should have done the first time, when she first told him about Harry. They should be happy and only that. No worries. That’s the second difference.

There are parallels too, James thinks. Harry’s shock at the idea his parents will have a baby reminds him of Sirius’ reaction as if he can’t possibly understand how that happened (somehow, despite running into them a couple of times, Sirius still got shocked with the fact they made sex). Lily is as sick as in her first pregnancy, so the first months are mostly spent at home too.

And just like back then, Sirius comes to visit her every day he can, careful to bring her anything she may want to eat and offering massage to her feet that Lily doesn’t need to, but she enjoys anyway.

‘I can still see my feet, Padfoot’, she replies teasingly, lying lazily on the couch of the living room while Sirius' hands work their magic on her right foot. James winks at her.

‘Just enjoy, Lily. He is trying to get into your good graces. He wants to be named godfather again’.

Sirius nods unabashedly, grinning at her.

‘Remus is the next in line’, Lily says, shrugging. ‘But keep with that massage and we will think about you if baby number three ever comes’.

‘Still without a name for baby number two?’

‘You need to stop calling young Prongslet by numbers’, James scolds without any malice.

‘We are not calling Prongslet either, James’.

‘Of course not, Lily. It will be Elvendork’.

Lily rolls her eyes.

‘Not this again’.

‘It’s unisex!’

They indeed refer to their baby as Elvendork just because it’s easier than calling “it” or “baby”, and Harry throws confused looks at them, looking concerned that his new brother or sister will really be called that, though Lily assures him this won’t happen.

But the truth is that they really have not decided on a name, haven’t even discussed yet seriously until they return from the doctor with the news it’s a girl (James cried with this news just as he cries every time they go to the doctor and he hears the baby's heartbeat or even that shape in the ultrasound that it's not really discernible).

They are on the bed, with James looking wondrously at Lily’s now round belly and imagining their little girl (maybe that mini-Lily he once thought of, maybe a little Harry, maybe a little James - it doesn’t matter, he already loves her), when he whispers: ‘We can’t call her Elvendork’.

Lily throws him a surprised look.

‘Oh, no! Poor Elvendork!’

He is too enamoured with her to retort.

‘Did you think of any names?’

‘I have a list of names’, she admits. ‘But none of them feels right’.

They go together through her list; there are beautiful, weird and creative types of names, but as Lily said, none seems to fit yet.

Of course, they don’t lack ideas. Everyone seems to have an opinion.

Sirius is all for the stars, of course (but James thinks he is teasing, though some of them sound nice), and Harry suggests female heroes.

‘What about your mothers?’, Remus suggests, when he and Dora come over for dinner. Lily is sitting on the couch, playing with Teddy. The boy is four now, and he seems fascinated by Lily’s big belly - he had been too young when Fleur was pregnant with Victoire, so this is the first time he is really seeing a pregnant woman and understanding what it means.

Teddy already refers to the baby as his little cousin, sounding proud and excited to meet her.

‘Rose would be a good name’, Lily muses, but still it doesn’t seem to be what she is looking for.

At this time, with only a month away until their baby is born, James considers they are hoping that looking at her face will be enough after the birth - if not, he will just cry the first name that comes to his mind when they sign her birth certificate.

He only hopes he manages not to sign Elvendork. Lily would kill him.

‘I wouldn’t go for Euphemia’, he declares, shrugging.

‘As someone who has an outdated name, I second that’, Dora says, grinning at him.

But Lily looks at both of them with her brows furrowed, and James knows there is something on her mind. She doesn’t say anything until they are alone later.

‘You know, I think Remus might have the right idea’.

‘Liked Rose after all?’

‘No, actually, I thought about your mother’.

Thinking of his mother brings to James that smell of fresh-baked pie, the warmth of her hugs - she had always been there for him, to listen and to guide him - and not just him. She had been a mother to Sirius too and even to Lily in the few months they had together before she passed away.

He smiles softly.

‘I miss her, but Euphemia is not - ‘

‘It doesn’t have to be Euphemia. Your father called her Mia, right? We can do something like that’.

‘Mia Potter?’

‘I thought of Amelia. And we could call her Mia, for short. Like Teddy or Ginny’.

‘Mia Potter’, he repeats, savouring the words.

‘Amelia Rose Potter? In honour of both grandmothers?’

James beams, hugging Lily and letting his hand feel her belly. ‘I love it’.

The baby seems to like it too, because in the next second Lily is wincing and James feels the baby kicking.

‘You know what, Lily? I think Mia will be a great Quidditch player too’.

She sighs exaggeratedly.

‘I only wish she could wait to start training when she is out’.

_____________________

Because fate sometimes is funny, Mia Potter is born on Halloween Night and the first time James holds her he is wearing an antlers tiara that he forgot to take off and that no one warned him about.

Later he will probably hex Sirius when he teases him about it, but right now he just sits next to Lily on her hospital bed, and she beams at him despite her tiredness.

‘We did it’, she whispers, sounding amazed, and James understands the feeling. They are in their forties, they lived through two wars, they raised a magnificent young man and here they are holding their second child, a tiny baby who seems unbelievably perfect in every sense.

One minute, James thinks. Let us enjoy this one minute, just a little.

When the minute is over, he returns the sleeping Mia to Lily’s arms and goes to open the door. Harry is pacing in front of the door, looking agitated as James felt all during the labour, even though he never left Lily’s side.

‘So? Can I see my sister now?’

‘And my goddaughter?’, Sirius pops in, grinning. James laughs.

‘It’s Remus’ goddaughter, and, yes, you can come in. She is sleeping’.

They get around the bed, with Sirius hugging Lily and declaring her the most amazing woman in the world (‘Are you drunk, Padfoot?’ ‘Yes, I was nervous! ‘You won’t hold Mia until you are sober’), and with Harry touching the thin strands of dark hair on his sister’s head, looking at her as if it’s the most precious thing he has ever seen.

James thinks he was wrong about that selfish minute he spent alone with Lily and Mia. Seeing Harry and Sirius cooing about the baby, he realizes this is the kind of one minute he wishes to have more in his life.

‘Do you want to hold her?’, Lily offers, and Harry nods, unable to look away. He sits on the chair right beside the bed and James helps him hold his sister. She wakes up, crying, and for a moment Harry seems to be in panic until he raises and swings her softly, just like he used to do with his godson.

‘Hi, Mia’, Harry whispers. ‘That’s ok. There, there. I’m your big brother, you see? I’m here for you’.

There is a soothingly effect on Harry’s voice and after a few minutes, Mia seems to relax indeed, her crying turning into a sob that seems to be more because of the unfamiliar world she is now in than anything else.

‘She has your eyes, Dad’, Harry says, smiling. James looks back at his daughter and, more than the hazel colour that looks a lot like his, he sees the way she seems to be curious about her surroundings as if she wants to see all the world has to offer.

Mia has indeed his eyes.

____________________

Mia is three when Ginny calls her and Mia comes with an expression of guilt that tells James she has done something she shouldn’t. That doesn’t really surprise him. He saw his daughter running with Teddy and Victoire and whenever those three are together, something always seems to happen.

Most of the time involving some kind of petty mischief that gives James very much hope for his daughter.

‘It was not my fault’, Mia declares, looking sheepish.

‘I am sure it was Teddy’s’, Harry says, sharing a grin with James, because whenever they are discovered, Teddy always declares himself to be the guilty one, even though James can see exactly when it was Victoire (with her exuberant ideas) or Mia (with her direct-to-the-point ideas), clearly feeling it’s his role as the older of them.

‘It’s okay, Mia’, Ginny assures her tenderly, offering her arms and Mia doesn’t hesitate to go sit on her lap.

Mia loves her parents, adores Harry but it’s Ginny that she worships. Like with the broomstick: Mia learnt to fly at one like Harry, who gave her her first broom, but it was just last summer when they took her to watch a Quidditch game, where Ginny had scored sixteen goals that Mia had declared she wanted to be a Chaser when she grew up.

James had shaken his head in fake dismay at the fact his daughter had not been impressed with his Quidditch skills, but he didn't really mind: any reason he could to spend afternoons flying with her was good for him.

'We have something to tell you', Ginny says under Mia's concentrated look. Lily exchanges a smile with James; they already know, but hearing it again just makes them happier than words could describe. 'You are going to be an aunt'.

She blinks.

'Like you are?'

Ginny smiles.

'Do you know what an aunt is?'

'I know that Vic calls you Aunt, but Teddy calls you Ginny'.

'Well, I am Vic's aunt because Vic's father is my brother'.

'Like Harry is my brother'.

'Yes, so you are going to be an aunt because Harry will have a son or daughter'.

'Oh!' she looks at his brother, clasping her hands. 'With whom?'

'With me', Ginny explains while everyone laughs. 'Harry and I will have a baby'.

'Oh. Like Aunt Fleur had Dominique?'

'Exactly'.

'I like babies', Mia declares. 'Where is the baby? I want to meet him!'

'In a few months. He or she is still… not ready'.

'Oh'. Mia seems upset, then she shrugs. 'Can I play outside until then?'

Ginny laughs and places a kiss on Mia's cheek.

'Sure. We will call you when it's ready'.

'Mia', Lily calls, sounding amused. 'Do you know how Harry takes care of you?'. Mia nods. 'That's what an aunt does too'.

'Can I take the baby to the park too?'

'When he is older', James assures her. Mia smiles, her hazel eyes sparkling.

‘I will be the best aunt ever’, she declares, and then she is running outside (Mia can’t walk - she only knows how to run), back to Teddy and Victoire.

James watches her through the window, talking excitedly to them, probably telling them all about her news.

'I think you will have a handful with them in the future'.

'Me?', Harry laughs. 'If McGonagall doesn't retire by the time your child and grandchild are both in Hogwarts, I will be surprised'.

______________________

Mia’s name came from @blitheringmcgonagall cute amazing stories of Mia and Monty Potter, and the final scene is some sort of answer to @dear-james ‘s prompt of James and Lily knowing about James Sirius (to be properly answered some day, I hope!)

#eyes glistening #jily lives #Jily FanFiction #hinny #baby potter #i don't know the title yet #please help #to be edited later #t: fanfiction

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slytherinsnekxvii · 3 years

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let's talk about lily evans. she's an interesting character—or rather, the case surrounding her character is quite interesting.

i honestly don't know if i can say i dislike her. by all means, she should be a fan favourite, and she is... but for some rather intriguing reasons.

for one thing, due to the fact she's hardly expanded on in the series, certain parts of the fandom have been forced to either take the few qualities that she displays canonically and amplify them to the extreme (eg. immediate righteous anger at the slightest hint of injustice in fic) or create an entirely new personality (eg. no, i didn't actually disapprove of your pranks, it was just sexual tension). of course, the option of creating a new personality is much more tempting when you can just add amplified canon traits on the side.

for another, her relationship with james sometimes seems likes it's being weaponized against snape and his fans. i've seen arguments that go like "haha, snape just wanted to fuck lily, but james got her in the end anyway, sucks to be you", and not only does it entirely reduce her to an object, it feels like they don't even care about the relationship, the dynamics or the characters. she's basically a plot device.

and thirdly, half of her characterisation in fic is to be a peter stand-in. we don't like the rat man, so let's take the pretty girl and put her in place of the guy who was canonically a member of the marauders, even up until he was named secret keeper. suddenly, she's a prankster and an enabler.

but, snek, you may say, all of that is fanon lily, tho. you just explained that people seem to like her because they just put any personality they want into her as long as she's at least vaguely a good person. you would be right.

let's look at canon lily. she's described as the brightest witch of her age, most everyone speaks favourably of her. in fact, the only people we see actively disliking/being upset with her are petunia, out of jealousy and the invasion of privacy concerning her letter, severus, who lashed out and used a slur that also applied to him in a moment of serious distress and apologised after, and well, pureblood supremacists by virtue of her being muggleborn. interestingly enough, even this dislike manages to develop everyone's character more than it does her own.

as a teenage girl myself, let's look at her actions as a teenage girl. not necessarily in chronological order because I'm writing this at 2am and my memory is already mediocre at best.

1. she's done well enough in school to be considered trustworthy and responsible enough to be a prefect.

okay, i can respect that. a good few of the prefects at my school were really just appointed based on how much the teachers liked you, but at hogwarts, there's so few of them that they must put at least a little effort into it, so i'll move on.

2. she does not press for details when informed that her best friend's life needed to be saved by someone who has been publicly tormenting him for years

now, see, there's no reason why she needs to play therapist. it's not her job, she's just a girl, and we know that snape wasn't supposed to talk about the incident, so he would've been stuck if she had asked for an explanation. however, i also feel like she doesn't seem particularly concerned about his wellbeing, and when he brings up his concerns about lupin, rather than ask for proof, she dismisses it. which, fair enough, i would hate to listen to someone talk about the same thing over and over and over, but, i also feel like the fixation on a theory like that would be cause for concern.

3. she dismisses the actions of a group known to play tricks that harm people and have specifically been tormenting her best friend on the basis that they don't use dark magic

first, i'm going to establish what i usually assume dark magic refers to. aside from jinxes, hexes and curses, i also include anything that produces an effect similar to any of the unforgivables (takes away your life, your free will or your ability to feel safe in your own body, such as when you're in excruciating pain), and magic that would require a sacrifice of some sort.

when snape tries to point out the danger in what the marauders do, she insists that they don't use dark magic. and they don't... but they do use illegal magic. she then argues against the company that snape keeps, which, again, to be fair, is justified considering mulciber's done something to mary macdonald... it's also not a particularly realistic ask. snape probably shares a dorm with these guys, and he's a poor half-blood so he's already on the outs. as far as he knows, any dissent will be met with him getting hexed in his sleep. but, i digress.

given that the marauders have been shown to be doing extremely dangerous with little regards to anyone's safety, and actively tormenting her best friend, i disagree with her choice here. on the other hand, she's made her own friends in gryffindor and perhaps she sees a nicer side of them that we don't get to. she's justified in her actions, but i still disagree.

4. she intervenes when her best friend is hung upside down by a spell of his own invention at the wands of the people who have tormenting him for years

she does object to the marauders' treatment of him, and she does try to get them to let him down. if i were in her position, i would absolutely do the same. i respect the decision to stand up for her friend.

5. she does not seriously attempt to help him or punish the marauders

i do not respect how she handled it. at any point, she could have drawn her wand. but, snek, you say, perhaps she didn't want to get involved physically. she wanted to follow the rules. in that case, at any point, she could taken points, assigned detention, or sent someone to get a member of staff. she does none of those things and i viscerally disagree. if we were ever friends and someone tried to hurt you, i can assure you that i would try to at least see to it that they'd be punished, even if it wasn't immediate or by my own hand. lily, however, chooses to argue rather than take action.

6. she smiles when severus gets hung upside down

chances are, it was more than likely an involuntary reaction, like laughing when your friend has fallen over. however, the fact that it was intentionally written in seems like it's mean to be an indicator that the friendship was already falling apart.

7. she comments on her best friend's poverty and uses a name that's been used to make fun of him after he calls her a slur that also applies to him

she was 100% within her rights to be upset by being called a slur. it is never okay to use slurs. the only situation in which a slur could possibly ever be appropriate would be if you were an oppressed group attempting to reclaim said slur which is not at all what snape was doing here. he was experiencing cruelty, being humiliated, publicly, for no reason beyond existing and he was in distress, choking on soap and upside down. it was damaging to his pride, especially when james suggests that he needs lily to fight his battles for him (paraphrasing) which is an emasculating statement to make, especially to a teenage boy. so, snape lashes out with the most hurtful word he could think of, which happened to be a slur that also applies to him. lily was 100% justified in being upset about this, and she retaliated in kind. she was very much allowed to say what she said. i understand that she was hurt and angry and i respect that, especially as i can't guarantee that i would not have been just as upset in that situation.

8. even when the threat of sexual harassment is made, she still does nothing

i get it, at this point, she's hurt, she's mad, she wants him to suffer since she's a teenage girl and teenage girls hold grudges like it's nobody's business, but... i definitely couldn't just stand by and watch it happen. she basically just let them go through with it.

9. she does not accept her best friend's apology for calling her a slur that also applies to him, effectively burying the friendship

she is, by no means, obligated to continue being friends with him. however, if i were in that position, and the apology was sincere, i would take the friend back.

10. she goes on to date and eventually marry the guy who bullied her former best friend for his entire school life

no. i disagree. but, snek, you say, james changed. no. he didn't. we know, that at this point, james was still going after snape behind lily's back. you can say that she didn't know, but that means that she would have allowed james to lie to her and that doesn't sit right with me bc a relationship built on lies is a relationship that is going to fall apart, especially when your partner has been disappointed by your actions before. you can say that she did know, and that proves that she simply didn't take her responsibilities as head girl seriously enough to stop the head boy from harassing people when she explicitly told him not to. the point is, no. there is no way that this would have worked out as a long term relationship. james is too comfortable lying to her. i can't even say she was justified. there is no circumstance where i personally see this as okay for anybody involved.

alright, so, essentially teenage lily was justified in (most of) her actions, even if i find them questionable.

adult lily dies at 21, while saving her son, but her death also helps save the wizarding world. good job. she, as expected, did what any good mother would.

and that's canon lily.

my thoughts: she's a perfect example of why writing tips are so adamant on making sure people try to show and not tell. we were told that lily is meant to be good and pure and lovely, but the author never bothered to actually prove that, so what we're left with a dissonance between what we see and what we know.

as a result, i still don't know if i truly dislike her. her actions are justified, but they don't match with what we've been told, and we don't have any other information to go off of. at best, i can say for certain that i disagree with many of her choices, despite understanding why she would have made them (except for marrying james potter, uggghh, the only good thing to come out of that was harry and the saving of the wizarding world by extension, ig).

thanks for reading all that, btw! hope it made sense :)

#meta #lily evans #lily evans potter #anti lily evans?#just to be sure #james potter #severus snape #harry potter #thoughts #my opinion #not sure what i should tag this as #im tired and have to get up for work in like #five hours lol #anti jily #im sorry but i really can't do jily

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the-dream-team · 3 years

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Alternatively could you write one based on the scene where the woman is hiding behind the counter and that amazing hero of a woman takes one look at the scary dude following her and says something like “honey you stay as long as you need” because the world needs more examples of women like that

This scene is one of my all-time favorites from the movie, so thank you for suggesting it! Here’s a little Snape-hate for your Thursday <3

Read it on AO3

Lily knew better than to get her hopes up when it came to Petunia. She’d learned through the years that trying to get back in her sister’s good graces was far beyond a lost cause, but when she’d spotted the little grey kitten with crystal blue eyes playing in the Cokeworth Pet Shop’s front window, she really thought she’d found the perfect birthday present. Lily and Petunia used to love chasing the neighbourhood strays around when they were children. Surely, Tuney still liked cats.

Apparently, Lily was quite mistaken.

On the morning of the twelfth of July, 1976, when Lily presented Petunia with the mewing gift, she was met by a scowl and crinkled nose.

“Vernon’s dog-sitting for his sister at the moment,” Petunia said as she handed Lily back the kitten, “so this thing will have to be out of sight when he arrives this afternoon. Best to make yourself scarce, as well... Vern thought you were quite odd after you two met last Christmas.”

Lily didn’t give a rat’s arse what Vern thought of her but bringing the kitten back to her own bedroom stung. Navigating the tricky relationship with Petunia had always been difficult when Lily came home from Hogwarts, but this Summer had been especially hard without Sev to turn to when it all became too much. Not that she wanted to turn to him anymore.

She squeezed the kitten to her chest and sighed, the memory of what Sev had said that day by the lake hitting her again in waves. Maybe a walk and some fresh air would help.

It didn’t.

Barely a block away from her house, Lily heard shuffling footsteps behind her and immediately her chest tightened. She should have known.

“Lily, can we-”

“I told you to stay away from me, Sev.”

She spun around to see Severus, mouth gaping, hair disheveled, brows knit.

“Please,” he sputtered, slightly breathless, “I just want to talk.”

Lily felt like she could breathe fire at that moment. “Bloody hell, I’ve heard enough out of you for a lifetime. Leave me alone.” She spun on her heel and started heading towards the center of town, hoping that having a crowd might deter Severus in his quest for Merlin knows what.

“I know today is hard for you,” he continued, unfazed by the fact she was literally running away from him. She rolled her eyes. Maybe if she didn’t respond he’d eventually get the hint… “It’s her birthday. I remember. We used to spend this day together every year.”

“We spent a lot of days together, Severus,” she shot back, still looking straight ahead. “Drop the dramatics and get it through your head that I’m not going to forgive you. Not anymore.”

“That’s not why I’m here,” he said, jogging up to her side, so close she could see his hair swaying in her peripheral vision.

Lily dodged into the town market, attempting to throw Severus off her tail. Just as she’d hoped, the shops were bustling on a gorgeous Saturday afternoon, with plenty of patrons to provide her some protection from her pursuer. She swerved through families waiting in line for ice creams, couples picking out furniture, and teenagers loitering around the record store, but Severus managed to keep up at every turn.

“Will you please just talk to me,” he called, his plea so slimy Lily cursed the underage wizarding laws. Oh, the satisfaction a good Bat-bogey hex would bring right about now.

She cut through a narrow shop selling candles and bath soaps, sure that she’d given him the slip, but her heart dropped when he appeared to cut her off at the exit. He grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the alleyway, seemingly dropping any attempt at civility. His hand was cold and tight on her skin as she shook herself free from his grip.

“I saw you with Potter on the Hogwarts express,” Severus sneered, the name Potter like poison on his tongue.

Lily gawked. He chased her halfway through Cokeworth because he saw her talking to James? She knew he hated the Gryffindor boys in their year, but she couldn’t wrap her head around him practically stalking her over one conversation she had weeks ago. The only response she could come up with: “So?”

“So?” he nearly shouted. “How could you possibly even speak to him after what he did to us!”

She had managed to keep her cool. Until now. “What he did to us? Potter didn’t do anything to me, other than act like a bit of a prick- which he apologized for that day on the train, mind you.”

Severus sputtered. “But it’s his fault-”

“That you called me a Mudblood?” That shut him up. While he tried gathering himself to respond, Lily saw her opportunity to bolt. A group of loud football fans passed by and she spun through them to make a run for it.

It felt childish, running through the market at age sixteen, but not nearly as immature as that godawful conversation, so it was a lesser of two evils, really.

She could hear Severus cursing behind her as she searched for an exit, her panic growing as a bloody hen party decided to roost up outside the pub, blocking off the nearest escape route out of the market. With her head clouding from panic at the thought of discussing James freaking Potter with Severus for another minute, Lily made a split- if not uncalculated- decision and leapt over the nearest shop counter. Out of sight, out of mind.

Well, almost.

“If you’re not a cupcake, you don’t belong here.”

Lily looked up from her hiding spot on the bakery stall’s floor at an unphased woman with arched eyebrows and a messy apron. Her nametag read ‘Carla’ in swoopy script with a smiley face sticker that didn’t match the unamused look on her face.

“I’m- er- just trying to hide from my ex,” explained Lily. Whether that be -friend, -boyfriend, or -husband, she let Carla come to her own conclusions.

“Who, greasy?”

“Yes.”

Carla glanced discreetly from Lily’s spot behind the counter to the marketplace ahead and allowed a hint of a grimace to pass over her unbothered expression. “Honey, stay as long as you need.”

“Thank you,” Lily exhaled, and chanced a look through the cupcake display case. To her horror, she saw Severus approaching the bakery, a wild look in his dark eyes.

“Do you need something?” asked Carla and Lily watched disgust wash over Severus’ face at the gall of a Muggle shopkeeper to dare speak to him. “I said do you need something?”

He scoffed, rolled his eyes, and whipped around to look elsewhere.

“I see why you left him,” Carla muttered. She reached under the counter and handed Lily a cupcake with fluffy yellow frosting topped with two eyes and a smile. It matched the sticker on Carla’s nametag and Lily couldn’t help but grin.

“You know what,” said Lily, reaching into her pocket to pull out her Muggle money, “I’ll take a dozen more of these.”

***

Lily sat in her bedroom, curled up with the kitten that afternoon, her window wide open to let in the warm summer breeze. Voices carried from the garden as Petunia and her boyfriend explained to her parents just how difficult it had been to secure a reservation that night at the swankiest restaurant in all of Cokeworth.

“By the way, Mrs. Evans,” said Vernon, his loud voice crashing through Lily’s window, “these cupcakes are delicious. They’re from Sweet Street’s Bakery down at the market, are they not? Not a better spot in all of England, you have excellent taste.”

“Oh,” came her mother’s voice, “I had nothing to do with the cupcakes, actually. It was Lily who picked them out.”

As the shocked silence stretched on, Lily’s smile grew tenfold, wide enough to match the happy face on her own half-eaten cupcake.

#national treasure prompts #lily evans #fanfiction #asks #prompts #thank you!

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thequibblah · 3 years

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⭐

anon: omg hi I think I sent in a ~free choice~ directors cut a while back but if you can't think of anything you wanna talk about I would LOVE to hear more about the way you write the Snape/Lily relationship and and the way it breaks apart, and even specific scenes related to it because in this house we are Anti S/nily

i hope this person was you but if not HAHA i will take this opportunity to answer their prompt as a "free choice" if you don't mind!

so. good old.... severus. ahhh.

writing interactions between snape and lily is like, one of the most rewarding challenges of this fic. now.... pitchforks away, my lovelies.... it's such an interesting emotional space to explore on her end, to me. personally i've never had a friendship end over something big and irrevocable, so it's really brand-new water to tread.

what makes it even more fascinating is that because of the setup of CT — starting after the lake incident — snape is less a presence in her life and more an absence she's working around. if i can get boring and pretentious for a sec, this was something i worked on a lot in college creative writing classes — writing about a thing in the past by avoiding it, or touching upon it and flinching away, or approaching it sideways.

now. we none of us have the patience of serious literary fiction readers in our fic HAHAHHA so this is a lot more dialled-back (dialled-forward??). but that was basically the approach to begin with, with these two. and then it was a matter of exploring the trajectory of it — how when the wound is rawest, lily is actually most forgiving and generous towards him, as she's had less time and space away from him/their friendship, and is busy making excuses for him.

(aside: i didn't realise until actually confronted by it that so much of her attitude towards him comes from her attitude towards petunia, a relationship in which she got used to receiving barbs before she gave them back, but the blood tie keeps her from a clean break. with snape there's no blood relation, obviously, but there's a shared sense of history, of childhood, that kind of lives in the same part of lily's brain/heart. so... really, two people who loathe each other overlap quite significantly in lily's emotional landscape.)

re: lily's excuse-making — it doesn't help that the only person who pushes her on snape is james. (her friends all have learned to avoid the subject, as you do when your friend is friends with someone you don't like but you can't say anything until after they're finished, and then you're like omg thank GOD i hated them from the start!!! but of course in this case they couldn't go overboard with that sentiment, lest it come off as "you should've known better/we knew better and you didn't") thanks to the circumstances of the lake incident, some of those messy feelings towards snape are entangled in messy feelings towards james (early on in the story especially), so the resulting conflict is.... bad....

She half-stumbled backwards, as if she’d been slapped. “I don’t need you to remind me,” she hissed. To her embarrassment, tears of frustration sprang to her eyes. But if she’d thought that would make him back off, she was wrong. “Yeah, except you do need the reminder,” said James. “Because you don’t get it yet. He chose them. Not you.” Lily was shaking. “I believe in second chances,” she said, fighting to keep her voice level. “But you really, really test my faith, James.” And without waiting for him to answer, she stormed up the girls’ staircase, wiping at her cheeks.

bad.

lily's true blind spot is, of course, that she's more willing to forgive snape's missteps with her. and of course james has to go and point that out :/

“Let me put it this way. If Sni — if Snape were Mary’s friend and he’d said that to her, wouldn’t you tell Mary she ought to never speak to him again?” Lily shifted uneasily. “Well, sure, but I’ve known him since—” “—you were children, whatever. Say Mary did too. Would that change anything for her?”

so the first time lily is like wait actually fuck this!!! it's because he reminds her, in an argument, about how callous he can be — a callousness which i think she's never liked, but it's easier to forgive sharpness when it's your friend poking fun at people you don't like, and less easy when...

“Yes, do let’s talk about Potter,” she said, dangerously calm now. “Let’s talk about how your mate Mulciber used an Unforgivable Curse on him—” To her absolute shock, Severus scoffed. “It was three bloody seconds—” “Shut up,” Lily said, too stunned to think of something better to say. “Shut up, you don’t seriously think that — that because the two of you have a childish rivalry, he deserves torture?” “That’s not what I said,” he replied, looking mutinous. “I just meant, everyone’s acting like he’s some big survivor — always playing for attention—”

...well, when that.

best/worst impulses aside, lily knows that the true measure of someone is how they treat the people they dislike, not their friends, and in a sense his attitude towards james (and generally other people) in this scene makes her realise what she'd read as inconsideration or insensitivity is in fact...

"...You’re weak-willed and pathetic and you’re — you’re not a good person.”

...so there's that.

as anyone who's read lily's current petunia drama will know, she's got a bit of a problem with letting go. but after her mother's death (and the attached stick to your sister she's all you've got), she manages a weirdly good break from cokeworth — because a lot of her childhood was wrapped up in hogwarts, and in snape (whom she hasn't spent vacation time with in over a year at that point). with neither at hand, she hardly has time to process it/feel homesickness.

but note this, at the start of 7th year:

“Was last year nothing to you?” Her voice had sharpened. “I wasn’t freezing you out to punish you, Severus. I was treating you how I plan on treating you from now on.”

of course lily's just making a point here, but when i wrote that i was like wow she (and i lol) are kind of onto something — snape totally does think this is like, a temporary purgatory period after which she really will come around. and through months of her getting visibly closer to his nemesis, he holds onto that belief — despite what she says. (funnily enough, childhood rose-tinted glasses make them both see what they want to see in each other, in very different ways)

that's why when he hears her say what she says to una in that hogsmeade trip, he immediately comes to his own conclusions. that was another important, interesting thing for me — for other slytherins, "loose ends" are opportunities for cruelty, for punishment, to finish what they've started. (not so for regulus, who's grown up with sadism and is frankly repulsed by the idea of pain for a flimsy cause — best believe there was absolutely a point to him orchestrating an attack on the teacher getting close to his brother. but that's another story.)

not for severus either — his loose end, in his own mind, will always be lily. he senses that something's broken, but he has absolutely no self-awareness about what it is, and his extending an olive branch was more about her coming to his level than him going to hers (aka the way apologies ought to work). he realises, over a year out, that it's up to him to fix it, but it's too late — lily's quite moved on at that point, and her residual emotions towards him are indifference and pity.

if only snape had known to leave it there!

looping full circle back to the lake incident, then, the argument in 41 is once again very personal — but rather than him pushing her away, it's him trying to get her close again. and now, stressed about all the bs in the world but also with all the petunia-related learn-to-let-go stuff fresh in her mind, lily is absolutely in the right state of mind to recognise when she's wrongly judged someone. this calls for scorched earth, she realises, or she'll never be able to shake him and move on for good.

and so what started with severus telling her that she's special, that there's a place in a new world for her, ends sort of the same way.... and the break that began with his casual, almost unintentional cruelty, ends with her very deliberate cruelty. as a bonus, she's ready now to use the one thing he's always wielded like a shield in their arguments — james, how the marauders are, etc. etc. — against him, and genuinely mean it.

(she might regret that soon. but not the way you'd think!)

#i don't know if this is even an answer or me just talking #thedoctorsayswho #ask me #director's cuts

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spiltscribbles · 3 years

Note

ADFFASFDSFG DO THE SWITCHED LUGGAGE WITH WOLFSTAR

Notes: LEGITLY I DO NOT KNOW!!!! STOP GIVING ME THAT LOOK DAMN IT RJ!!!! Big BIG love goes to @kattlupin and @justtoarguewithyou for the Beta help<3 Please don’t hate me RJ!

~Hour 0

Remus focuses on the chill that’s beginning to frost the window of the quaint, Edinburgh coffee shop that’s tucked into a dark corner of the large block of the tube station, appreciating the glittering blankets of snow coating the ground and the melodic holiday tunes playing from above. The scent of cinnamon wafts through the air and his phone’s pressed between his ear and shoulder while one hand toys with the tassel hanging off the reindeer trinket lining the counter, and the other’s clasping onto his luggage.

“I can’t wait to show you! My mum’s bought Harry the cutest little Saint Nick babygrow, and Mrs. Potter’s sent me her recipe for the samosas James especially likes. And—”

Remus laughs through his nose, pressing the phone closer before accepting the hot chocolate handed over to him by the barista who winks his way before going back to start up the next round of drinks.

“Lils, I’ve bought the ticket, and I’m about to board. No need to continue on trying to convince me. I’ll be in London for Christmas.”

“Oh, Remus, I can’t wait!” Lily crows delightedly, and Remus can just pick up on the sound of a bowl clacking to the ground, inwardly praying that she doesn’t burn down her entire cottage before Remus’s even gotten the chance to see it. “I’ve missed you, it’s positively ridiculous how long we haven’t been able to visit! Criminal, really!”

Remus drags his bottom lip between his teeth, flushing slightly at the dig considering that the absence from his closest friend from childhood was almost entirely his doing. “Well you know, with Fabian’s research and all, we were constantly out of the country, over to the States one week, and then Asia the next.”

This time, it’s effortless catching on the sound of harsh stirring accompanied by Lily’s unimpressed cluck at the sound of Remus’s ex’s name. “Well good riddance. He was never good enough for you Remus, a total self righteous prat.”

“Is that right?” Remus smiles wryly, taking a sip of his coco before wrapping his scarf around his neck once more to brace for the cold. “I thought he was mighty fancy-able considering the degree and being fit and all.”

“Dry as Petunia’s skin in the winter,” Lily sniffs airily, and Remus studiously does not mention the mountain of moisturizers that Lily stored away in an unused closet in the old flat they shared during six form when she thought Remus wasn’t looking. “Now I get to have my fun and set you up with a proper bloke, especially since you’ll be moving back to London after the semester officially closes. Ooo! We can start a double date night! There’s this cooking class they’re holding down the street for couples but I didn’t wanna join because James would only get all obnoxiously cocky when he ultimately does remarkably and I end up burning water.”

Remus laughs, remembering the occasion she’s referring to, which had led them to pressing together their measly savings to buy an electric kettle like good and proper adults, rescuing their pots from getting burnt to a crisp thanks to Lily’s forgetfulness. “Least if you come along with whichever bloke, I’ll know I definitely won’t be the worst one there.”

Remus twists up his mouth, displeased. “Unwarranted slander.”

“Your french toast chipped my pug’s tooth before he spat it out.”

“Maybe Snuffles just has a bad gag reflex.”

“His gag reflex is perfectly adequate,” she sniffs.

“Well I’ve never spat out my own food.”

“Hmm, I bet you get all the boys in the yard whenever you talk about how skillfully you’ve trained your gagging.”

“Stuff it, Evans.”

“Potter now actually, Ta so much.”

“Gone off and married yourself a posh Londoner and now you’re sounding like you’re meant to be on an episode of Downton Abbey, is that right?”

“Innit brilliant?”

“Bloody exhausting is more what I was thinking, love.”

Lily’s answering laugh is light and tinkling and it’s the happiest Remus’s ever heard her all year, and it’s like a punch to the gut when he all at once realizes just how drastically he’s missed her.

“Don’t pout Re, I’ll still be able to tolerate your lowly, Welsh vowels.”

“Sod off.”

“Mean.”

“You started it.”

“Oof.”

“Did you break the eggs the wrong way again?” Remus asks, single brow cocked as he finally retreats into the actual underground and ambles to the queue waiting to scan their tickets.

“You can’t break eggs the wrong way Remus Lupin!” Remus stays silent. “Don’t give me that look!”

“What look?” Remus asks owlishly.

“Don’t think I can’t picture it right now, with the slanted mouth and your left eyebrow raised with pure condescension.”

“I don’t like this picture of my character that you’re painting, Evans.”

“I don’t like your insinuations of my egg cracking skills, Lupin.”

“But I’m right, aren’t I? You did break it?”

“Well yes, that’s the general idea of cracking an egg.”

Remus scoffs. “The wrong way I mean.”

The silence coming from Lily is positively fuming and Remus thinks that if they were in some sorta old-timey Disney cartoon she’d be steaming smoke from her ears right about now. “’S just a singular shell, it’ll melt right in the pan once I pop it into the oven.”

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph, you’re trying to poison us. And right when I became single and ready to pull again.”

“Oh speaking of pulling,” Lily squawks, and Remus absolutely despises that tone of voice—flashes of young, drunken escapades bubbling to the forefront of his mind, twinging when he thinks of the flower he’s got tattooed onto his arse to match the crescent moon on Lily’s own.

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Oi, you haven’t even let me explain myself, you berk! I just wanna help.”

“You’re an evil, evil Femme Fatale, and you shouldn’t even have this much power over me considering how rudding gay I am.” He screams that last part perhaps a bit too loudly, garnering amused glances from most of his fellow patrons, and a couple curious ones. Including a pair of disarmingly lovely gray eyes. And holy christ above does he hate Lily right now.

“But Remus,” she says in a distinct sulk through the line. “It’s just that James’s brother also recently just got out a relationship with this bird from work, and it wasn’t nearly as long as you and Fabian, but I thought you two would just be so cute together. He totally fits that crush you had on Stubby Boardman all through A levels, and I just thought it’d help you so much with getting over that ginger-haired bastard.“

“You are the only ginger-haired bastard in my life,” he tells her glumly, wincing when the ticket holder smirks at him as she scans him through, mouthing a ‘Good Luck’ with a smirk.

Damn Remus’s very existence.

Keep Reading

#WOLFSTAR #REMUS LUPIN #SIRIUS BLACK #MARAUDERS #THE HARRY POTTTER SERIES #HARRY POTTER SERIES #SIRIUSXREMUS #REMUSXSIRIUS #NYWB #Spilt INk #I'm such a mess #truly #love you RJ babe #!!!

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pineapple-lover-boy · 3 years

Note

I love your headcanon about Dudley having magical kids!! I was wondering if you could elaborate a little more on you writing him w Cho?

Absolutely! When I first heard of this head canon I couldn’t believe it but now I love it.

First part:

Cho is confirmed to have a muggle husband after the series so that definitely helps with this:

I imagine that they meet while doing normal errands

It’s not too long after the war and Cho is trying to escape the Wizarding World for just a little bit

It’s been too traumatizing for her

When they meet I feel like they would immediately hit it off

We only see Dudley from Harry’s point of view but I believe he could be pretty suave with the ladies

He’s also got a lot of pride which can come off as confidence at first

What draws in Cho, though, is that he’s so muggle

Just by talking to him she can tell that he can’t be affiliated with the Wizarding World in any way (or at least she thinks)

Dudley by this point has changed since the books

Ever since the dementor attack he tries to be a better person so he never has people seeing him as what he saw that night

He’ll do little acts of kindness like buying some sweets for a child that couldn’t afford it, helping someone who’s fallen get up, and just genuine things that have Cho falling for him

Cho in no way endorses his eating habits but doesn’t discourage it

If they have a date where she’s the one cooking she’ll include many healthy foods cleverly hidden behind a tasty and appetizing look

Because of Cho’s past relationships I believe it would take a year for the relationship to at least be considered serious

Although she isn’t a blood supremacist, she still believes muggles are much more fragile than wizards

And in some ways they are

When Dudley comes back from a friendly boxing tournament she always fuses over his bruises and gets frantic when she sees some blood

Dudley never thought to ask why and Cho was glad for that, she wasn’t ready to tell

When meeting the parents…. oh boy

She appreciates how doting on Dudley they are and never gets tired of hearing his achievements that they are always boasting about

I do believe the Dursley’s are somewhat racist so they don’t warm up to Cho right away

But once they see her calm, polite, sweet, and generally well mannered nature they quickly decide that she is the best Dudley will ever get

Cho never suspects that Harry is related to them as there are no pictures around the house

Dudley will sometimes try to include mentions of a cousin in conversations of his childhood but Vernon and Petunia always brush him off by saying that his cousin was a “troubled boy”

Cho never questions this as she feels it must be a sensitive part of the family

By year two of their relationship they would be married

Dudley hasn’t learned of Cho’s magical nature yet

Much like any other half blood baring couple, Cho has to do magic in secret so her body doesn’t become overwhelmed with magic

It starts getting on her nerves as she’s afraid Dudley will walk in on her one day casting some type of spell or charm

She’ll start hinting at marriage but Dudley never gets it

She sometimes curses his pig headedness

She flat out asks him about it one day and Dudley is so surprised he starts choking on whatever pastry he was eating that day

No less than a week later are they engaged

Cho isn’t one for big crowds so Dudley agrees to have a small wedding with close relatives

He had been talking to Harry for a while but not enough to consider inviting him

He just felt too awkward

(When talking about it later though, Harry agreed and said it was fine)

After the wedding, their honeymoon was spent at their new home

It was then when he saw her PTSD nightmares

He held her close each night and asked if she wanted to talk

Each night she said no

It irritated Dudley to no end but he didn’t want to risk Cho feeling worse

Only a few months later was the announcement of their first daughter made

Cho had yet to tell Dudley that she was a witch and desperately hoped their child was a squib

She loved the Wizarding World but the trauma she got from seeing Cedric’s dead body and then seeing several children her age and even younger dying right in front of her-

It was too much for her to want to immediately go back to it

Once Daisy is born Cho regretted her hopes of the girl being a squib

She wanted to see her early forms of magic, her joy at being accepted to Hogwarts, she wanted her child to grow up a witch

Still, she didn’t tell Dudley

Although she loved him, she was afraid he wouldn’t accept her

When Daisy started showing signs of magic she tried to hide it as long as she could but Dudley eventually noticed

By this time baby Petunia was a toddler and although she showed no signs, it was bound to happen eventually

Without telling her, Dudley went and called his cousin, Harry

He told him of everything that was going on and Harry, whose children were only a year or two away from going to Hogwarts themselves, recognized what was going on and told he and his family to come over and visit so he could see it for himself

Not wanting to scare Cho, who he still thought was a muggle at this point, he told her that they were all going to take a trip to his cousins house

Cho knew something was up but she stayed quiet

During the car ride all she could muster up to say during her nervousness was a simple, “What’s your cousin’s name?”

“Harry.” He replied.

“I knew a Harry once.” She said quietly, not even realizing what she had spoken until it was too late.

There was too much tension in the car, so they stayed silent

When they pulled up to the house they could see dozens of children running around

“Thought he only had three.” Dudley lamented to himself.

When they got to the door, Ginny opened it

Her eyes widened immediately

“Cho Chang?” She said in disbelief.

“Come in, come in!” She shone her head and beckoned them inside, “Sorry for the mess. Harry and I are in charge of our nieces and nephews today.”

“Wait, are- are you saying we’re in Harry Potter’s house?”

Ginny laughed. “Who else would I have married? Besides we invited you to the wedding.”

Cho remembered, it was one year before she met Dudley

Dudley was beyond confused but when Harry walked in he was even more confused

Soon enough, everything settled down and was explained

Dudley was a bit irked that Cho had never told him of her magic ness but he wasn’t mad, much to Cho’s relief

It was then that he was told everything

When they were back at home, and the children were put to sleep, Cho told him everything

Of the Triwizard Tournament, of Cedric’s death, of all the deaths she’d witnessed during the Battle of Hogwarts

After years of holding in her years and trying to act like everything was fine, she finally started crying

She didn’t miss they crying from her Hogwarts days and she suddenly felt like that little girl who’s friends all walked away during her time of need

The girl who could barely focus on work to the point were she was let off for a few weeks

The girl who looked at the death of someone she loved too early

The next few days were hard on them

Whenever Cho apologized for crying out of nowhere Dudley would shut her down and said it was only natural

She’d bottled up so many feelings after the war in fear of people leaving her again

Now she felt like she didn’t have to worry

As the years go by, Daisy finally goes to Hogwarts and everyone is preparing for Petunia to be next

Cho is at home when she gets a call from Dudley

As much as he didn’t want to tell her this on a call, he couldn’t keep it in

“Cho, darling, I’m so sorry. I’m not completely sure of the word but Harry and I think that Petunia might be a squid- What? Oh! Sorry, a squib.”

Cho stops whatever she’s doing and feels her emotions take hold of her again

She remembered all those years ago when she wished her daughter to be a squib

That was for Daisy though

This couldn’t of happened because of her, right?

She becomes saddened at the sight of Petunia

For three years, she looks at her daughter with pity

She still as loving before, in fact even more

She wants to make her daughter feel as happy as she can before she realizes that she can’t be like her sister

When the letter is expected to arrive and it doesn’t, she’s fully prepared to coddle her crying child

But nothing changes

Petunia goes to muggle school, she keeps in touch with Daisy and Lily Luna, and is perfectly happy

She sighs in relief when she’s sure that it doesn’t affect Petunia in any way

Cho silently praises her daughter for being stronger than her

As more years go by and their girls grow up, the couple couldn’t be more than happier

Dudley loves when Cho does magic, staring at her in amazement despite living with magic when he was younger and having bad experiences with it

Cho loves how doting he is, whether it’s their children or her

There are some problems that they needed to fix but that doesn’t matter now as they grow old with each other

Such an unlikely couple that were surprisingly perfect for each other

#harry potter series #harry potter headcanon #harry potter #dudley dursley #cho chang #wizarding world #post wizarding war #post second wizarding war #19 years later #petunia dursley #vernon dursley

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dottie-wan-kenobi · 3 years

Text

shines so sincere; an ace!Lily fic

available on ao3 under the same name, warning for internalized acephobia. 3k.

---

Lily sat sideways on the bench, poised to stand, biting her lip. Her eyes were on James, who sat just down the table from her, his eternally messy hair made even worse from having just rolled out of bed, so late he nearly missed breakfast. He was getting better about being responsible in all walks of his life—she’d caught him studying, Merlin forbid, and knew from their work together as Head Boy and Girl that he took his job seriously—but apparently getting up on time was just too difficult.

Not that she could blame him. She hadn’t wanted to get out of bed this morning either. At least she had a reason, which was the same one she had for being nervous now.

She’d always known that James fancied her, couldn’t avoid the truth of it after all of his pathetic attempts back in fifth year to win her over. And while she no longer felt the embarrassed anger she did then, it was the same: there was no avoiding that James had feelings for her. She didn’t want to avoid it, really, not anymore. In fact, recently she’d started to reciprocate a tiny bit, her heartbeat fluttering when he smiled at her, her palms sweating when he asked her to accompany him places (as a friend, he always specified, a self-conscious little smile on his face). The conversations they had were too often aimless, bouncing from topic to topic, eliciting spirited debates that left her heart and mind in a tizzy.

It wasn’t an issue, fancying James. She found herself enjoying it more and more, the way he made her feel, the way he looked at her. At night, she found herself imagining dates with him, real ones, and sometimes there were torturous ideas of a future they could have together as adults, as partners. Her feelings for him were different from how they used to be, no longer annoyed or reluctantly amused, but uplifting and fulfilling, they were fun and bright and silly, they were—

Nerve-wracking. Because there was something Lily hadn’t told James—hadn’t told almost anyone—that, she knew, would throw a spanner in any possible relationship they might have.

She stood, then, knowing she needed to get it over with, to rip the plaster off and—and hope for the best. Last night, it wasn’t dreams of a future with him that kept her up, but the fear of his reaction. He wasn’t a bigot. He supported his friends, he never hurled slurs. Everyone knew his mother’s sister was married to another witch. Whatever happened, she knew—took comfort in the fact—that he would be kind about it, that she would probably (hopefully) not lose his friendship. But it was still terrifying, the unknown effect all of this could have.

He looked up as she approached, his smile widening, the lines around his eyes crinkling behind his glasses. He raised his glass as if in a toast, and asked, “To what do I owe the pleasure, Evans?”

Ignoring the curious looks of his friends, she said, “Actually, there’s something I need to talk to you about. In private.”

That didn’t sound too bad, did it? Not necessarily personal. It could’ve been about Head Student responsibilities. It could’ve been about anything.

But of course, he could tell it wasn’t. Taking one last bite, he studied her face. She didn’t dare look away, knowing he’d see the tell for what it was, but meeting his gaze wasn’t any better. James Potter could read people like books. He could read her like a book. Especially lately, as they became closer, he’d been able to tell all too easily when she was upset. Standing, he asked lowly, no joking in his voice, “You alright?”

Just peachy. Her stomach was twisting anxiously, heat lurking in the back of her eyes, and she was certain that he was going to end up saying, Thanks but no thanks. She said, “Yes, fine. Can we go?”

She hardly waited for him to reply, unable to stand the probing looks from all four of them anymore. Escaping the Great Hall, Lily found the nearest empty classroom she knew of, not speaking. Her breath shivered out of her lungs as she tried, once again, to tell herself everything would be fine.

The sound of James’s breathing and his shoes on the stone flooring was all she needed to know he was with her. Once they were both inside, she shut and locked the door, then cast a muffliato. It wouldn’t be enough to keep his sneaky friends out, but she immediately felt better with a barrier between her and James, and the rest of the school.

Turning, she found James leaning against a table, looking right at her. He had his concerned face on—his mouth was pulled down, his eyes sharp—and his shoulders were deceptively relaxed, his hands resting on the edge like he might launch himself off it at any moment.

She wasn’t sure if he was trying to seem harmless or not, but if he was, he was failing. Under his attentions, she felt utterly see-through. Clutching her arms against her stomach, she found there was nothing she could do to protect this vulnerable spot of herself.

He won’t hurt you, she reminded herself. His friends, his aunt, never saying any slurs. He wouldn’t hurt her.

Not on purpose, another part whispered. But he still could.

“Okay, I can tell something’s wrong,” he said, cutting through her thoughts. “Did something happen? Are you alright? Who do I need to go curse?”

All night long, she’d thought about what she would say. Nothing had felt right. She’d thought, stupidly, that the words would come to her in the moment, that looking at him and his soft melty gaze would be enough. There were no words magically popping into her head, no ideas of how to broach this with him. And of course he was getting all protective and jumping to conclusions.

Lily approached him, though she didn’t lean on any of the tables herself. She needed to move, she needed to have some space while she did this. “Nothing’s wrong,” she said finally, hoping it was the truth. “Nobody did anything, and I already said I’m fine. I just wanted to tell you something important. It’s, uh—I’m just a bit nervous, that’s all,” she said under her breath.

James didn’t look convinced. But still, faced with someone he cared about who was panicking, he softened. He didn’t reach out to her—he knew she should be the one to initiate right now—but leaned his head forward a little, trying to catch her eye. “Hey, that’s alright,” he said soothingly. “Whatever it is, it’ll be okay. I promise you.”

For some reason, she said, “You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“Trust me, unless you’re about to say you’re secretly a Death Eater right now, I’m sure it’ll be okay.”

Lily scoffed, revolting against the very idea. But she didn’t linger on the indignation she felt—it was distracting, and too… passionate, she supposed. Too far in the opposite direction. She needed to focus, didn’t want to think about something else, not when this was so delicate. “I would never. It’s not that. It’s…” She didn’t know a better way to do this, and time was starting to run out. He wouldn’t sit there all day waiting for her to find the perfect way to— “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

His mouth dropped open, but otherwise, he was frozen, staring at her with wide eyes.

Not giving him a moment to let that settle in—no matter how much she wanted to—she plowed on ahead. “Except that there’s something… not wrong with me, it’s not a bad thing, it’s just—well. I don’t want to have sex with you. I don’t want to have sex with anyone. I don’t have… I’m not….”

She had no words for it. There was no easy way to explain that she liked to get herself off just fine, but when she and her ex-girlfriend had tried to have sex, she’d felt… bored and uncomfortable. There’d been cerebral sparks between them, and kissing had been great, but sex was a different story—there was nothing there. Every time they tried, she just felt lost and confused, unsure why anyone would want to experience it. And the more in her head she got about it, the worse it felt, her skin beginning to itch in an altogether unpleasant way. She’d wondered if she was the only person in the world who felt like that, if maybe she was trying with the wrong person, if she was even into girls at all.

The only answer she had was for that last one, and it was a resounding yes. But doubts still creeped in the back of her mind about all of it, anxious thoughts about what it meant that she didn’t like sex, questions about—was it just that she didn’t like sex, or that she didn’t want it, or something else? Was there even any difference there? What did it mean for her future—would she end up alone like Petunia always teased her about?

And what did it mean that she could enjoy her time alone, but once someone else touched her, the warmth in her stomach shriveled and disappeared?

She kept telling herself she wasn’t broken, but she wasn’t sure if she believed it or not. The old adage “fake it until you make it” wasn’t working as well as it usually did.

Stupid tears filled her eyes as he sat, still frozen, probably trying to figure out what the bloody hell she was even talking about enough to reject her. She was so good at hiding her emotions with everything but this. There was no one to talk to, no place to vent, and the few times she’d ever talked about it with anyone, she’d cried. She didn’t want to cry in front of him, but he wasn’t saying anything, he was just staring at her, and she didn’t know what it meant!

“I understand,” she said, voice thick with held back emotion, “if you don’t want to have to deal with that. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry, and I hope we can still be friends.”

He blinked at her, and it was then she realized that—no, he probably didn’t want to be friends. He was probably still in love with her, and now she’d just gone and ruined it, maybe even broke his heart. She wouldn’t want to be friends with him either if the situation were reversed—wouldn’t be able to handle seeing him after a rejection like this. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to anyway. Their prefect patrols and Head Student meetings were going to be miserable, weren’t they? Both of them pretending their hearts weren’t shattered because she just couldn’t make herself—

Still, she tried to retain some dignity. Holding her head up, she nodded solemnly and didn’t say a word as she turned to the door.

She was going to leave, and she wasn’t going to cry until she was safely tucked in her bed in Gryffindor Tower, where James and his stupid brilliant everything couldn’t find her.

“Wha—Lily,” James suddenly said, startling out of his stupor and reaching for her arm. He turned her back around gently, his eyes searching her face. “Wait. Wait, please. You just dropped two bombardas on me, I need a second to—you’re falling in love with me? Really?”

His eyes shone happily, his smile reappearing. She nodded, unable to speak around the frog in her throat. Yes, she was falling for him. It felt inevitable, right down to the marrow of her bones, like sinking into a warm hug. But the issue about sex was holding her—them—back. She wished, not for the first time, that she could be more normal.

It wasn’t often she let herself entertain the idea, knowing it did nothing but hurt in the end. Maybe she would be different in the future, but what was important was now, and right now? There was no changing who she was. If that meant not being normal, then… well, it was just another way in which she was a freak.

Looking up into his smile, she hoped he realized that. If he was about to say he could fix her or change her, it would break her heart. But he wasn’t like that, or at least she really hoped not.

“Lily,” he said, a simple word carrying the weight of several years of emotion. “That’s—I’m so happy to—I love y—wait, I should talk about the other thing first, I think.”

Lily closed her eyes. This was awful. Maybe she should’ve just pretended, should’ve told him she’s falling for him and left out not-interested-in-sex part. How could she go on after hearing that cut off declaration? How could she go on hearing him say it to Sirius every day, or Merlin forbid, another girl?

“Hey,” he said, coaxing and soft. “Hey, listen. You don’t need to be sorry for that. Okay? You don’t ever need to be sorry for who you are.”

“Unless you’re a Death Eater,” she said, daring to peek at him. His nose was twitching slightly, the way it always did when he something shocked him. She’d seen it a lot, after several revenge pranks over the years. But more importantly, he didn’t look upset, or disgusted. That sappy, melty, sweet gleam shone in his eyes, and his smile was lopsided but gentle, no sharpness to it at all.

“Yeah,” he agreed solemnly. “Or a bigoted arsehole. But this? No. Not at all, not ever. I—“

Suddenly, a strong need to make it all clear to him gripped her, and though it was the last thing she wanted, to be rejected by him, she urged, “You understand, don’t you? If we date, if we become boyfriend and girlfriend, you won’t… I won’t… there will be no sex. I can’t promise you anything like that.”

Maybe it would have been easier to pretend, to lie. But she knew he would want to know. Flashes of what could’ve happened if she did hit her then—having sex with him, struggling to hide how it made her feel, and James eventually finding out, hurt and angry that she’d kept something so—so important from him.

It was best she laid all the cards down now, before they could get any more tangled together. So that he could extricate himself before it was too late.

He hummed thoughtfully. Though he was looking at her, he seemed lost in thought, and she hoped he couldn’t tell what she was thinking. “Would—wait, can I ask questions? You can say no, it’s okay.”

Questions. The word made her stomach cramp with nerves, but still, she nodded.

“Thank you,” he smiled, coming back to her and shifting on his heels. “I’m mostly wondering what your limits are. Would you want to snog at all?”

“Snogging’s okay. I like that part. It’s just once it starts, uh… going beyond that,” she fumbled, “that’s uncomfortable for me.”

His hand twitched like he wanted to reach out, and she could picture the way he would comfort his friends, a soothing hand, a lifeline she sorely wanted in that moment. “Okay. Listen, Lily, I… I’m just gonna be honest, okay? I’m in love with you. And up until like, fifteen minutes ago, I thought you’d never return those feelings. I want to be with you, in any shape or form that might take. Friends, dating, whatever. As long as we’re together, I’m happy. I want you to be happy too.

“If we date, and we don’t shag, not even once, then that’s okay. I’m never going to pressure you, or expect anything from you that you don’t want to give, not like that. I am glad you want to kiss,” he said, giving an exaggeratedly relieved sigh, and she giggled despite herself. “But, really. I love you. I love all of you, Lily. I’m probably going to have to like, study this stuff so I don’t say anything stupid or do the wrong thing, but I can handle that just fi— “

“James,” she said, interrupting him finally. Her heart was racing. This all felt like a dream, some fantasy where he was perfect and she got everything she ever wanted. All of his words, the feelings and meaning behind them, were hitting her at once. She opened her mouth but nothing came out.

All she could think, over and over again, was How is he real?

“Can I hug you?” He asked after a few moments. His hands were twitching again.

“Please,” Lily replied, opening her arms for him. They fell against each other within seconds, and he was warm and stable and still there, right there with her. He knew about her and he loved her—not despite it, not anyway, he just loved her. He loved every part of her. Heart beat in her throat now, tears pricking her eyes, she asked against his chest, “Will you be my boyfriend?”

His hand caressed her back, up and down, up and down over the fabric of her sweater. The touch soothed something inside of her, the terrified and vulnerable shivers clenching in her head and chest finally easing, and she melted into it. “Don’t be silly,” he said. She could hear the beam in his voice, his own racing heart under her ear. “Of course I will. Girlfriend.”

A little hesitantly, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “That okay?” He murmured.

She pulled away enough to meet his eyes. Merlin. Somehow, in all her panic, she hadn’t let herself dream of this becoming a reality. He was beautiful and amazing and she knew it wouldn’t be long before there was no turning back. Not long at all. “Don’t be silly,” she repeated him, standing on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “Of course it is. Boyfriend.”

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