#what’s the point? other than making others feel bad? stfu and grow up

[saiwestfield]

I’m so excited for people to start telling me that I have the generic CalArts artstyle

#I’m being sarcastic #if you say shit like that go fuck yourself #people who say that honestly suck ass #be ashamed #what’s the point? other than making others feel bad? stfu and grow up #you must be super fun at parties #‘​ugh you’re having THAT drink?? generic US beer’ #that’s how stupid you sound

[austinsastrology8991]

Saturn the father you always wanted and always have. Saturn in da houses, and why your life sucks. Im blunt here so don't complain don't read if you can't handle the reality of saturn. Saturn in the first house - okay you don't like to try when you present yourself, you think people should just instantly respect you because youve been through many trials in life... well people usually dont know how to talk to you because you have a stick up your ass. Saturn in the second house - everyones greedy, but when you are, its not cool. Well it isn't because when you are greedy you act like a goblin. be more mature its okay to be greedy but your acting like its a virtue stfu. Saturn in the third house - everyone thinks your dumb af, and you are only because you lack confidence to drive your points home. you just need to learn how to communicate better, your not dumb but you act like a dumbass. Saturn in the fourth house - sad boy/girl now everyone knows you had a rough childhood but would you grow up already, everyone else has but your still stuck being sad about how life has treated you (or your momma/dadda) grow up your not getting any younger you can't change the past stop wallowing. the past has taught you well, use it to your advantage or let it hold you back. Saturn in the fifth house - pretend players who get played everytime. Always gotta pretend like they are fun but whenever you do try to have fun with them they are annoying. yes you could be fun in the bedroom simply because everyone knows your too sensitive to break someones heart... because your heart is the most broken. Saturn in the sixth house - the real try hards always putting in 100%. suck ups to there boss or whoever is above them. but when there authority disrespects them they go rogue and try even harder just to spit in there boss's face. i respect it because i got cap here Saturn in the seventh house - if your a bad person good luck in this life, because your karma is received ten fold by your partners, they always like to complete your karmic cycle because thats just how it works idk. so better act right or your partner will ruin it before you ruin yourself.

Saturn in the eighth house - will do anything to get to the top. no pain is too painful. well it all is, but the ends justify the means. when they put there foot down the whole room shakes. so when your making a move make sure its the right one because your power plays are on display for everyone and itll make or break you more than the other placements. Saturn in the ninth house - lazy asses, always looking for an easy way out. they know what the right thing to do is, but the likelihood of them doing it is never. its because saturn restricts there luck/ mind and they just have woe is me energy and its annoying make better choices, and if you dont stop crying about it. but if they act right saturn blesses them the fuck up. Saturn in the tenth house - okay these people think they are better than everyone and deserve everything, but they never receive the applause they crave. its never enough even if the whole room is looking at them they suddenly don't want it anymore. there karma everyone can see, and if its too good it feels like a curse, and when its bad and reality comes crashing down they just want to hide but they cant. own your life or it will own you. Saturn in the eleventh - there community will give them there karma, always these people dont have a place where they feel safe. because they never make anyone feel safe around them, then cry when no-one gives them that favour. stfu and treat us better and maybe we will do you better. Saturn in the twelfth - okay apparently this is where saturn is in its joy, and i guess its because god/ spirits judge you. and i guess thats a good thing because if anyone should judge you its him. except the pain here is you have ultimate freedom, you rarely get signs on what to do. will you make the right choice or the wrong once? well they are lucky because they always get there karma quickly so they can always recover fast. but these people struggle to empathise because they don't feel the energy of the room. sooooo just grow up you got the best saturn, and your karma resides is in your empathy. disclaimer - saturn wants you to be the best. and no one is.... so i like to think if you want a sense of direction (where are you going wrong) look at the saturn house and if you are successful congrats your doing saturn right. but be careful he always thinks you can do better, and he loves to humble you. so be-careful out there.

#house placements #saturn aspects #astrology observations #astrology notes #astrology houses #astrology placements #astrology blog #astro community #astrology

[lotus-pear]

Can we stop acting like dazai was the devil. Like yes he did bad things but he was a child. He was 15 alone and in the mafia where althe was told to do was bad things. ALL dazai knew how to do is lie and deceive because it what he's always had to do.it's self preservation. Like??? When will people realize dazai wasn't a monster and was justa child brought up in an Unsafe and abusive environment. Behaviors are learned your aren't born with them. Dazai was a suicidal child just trying to survive all'he knew was manipulation and Iying because that's all he was taught. He abused akutagawa because that's all he was taught. And as he got older it's all he knows how to do. Obviously he's gotten better but he's still morally grey. And that's ok but it's not enough to call him a monster. hes trying so so hard to change, and even if he may not realise it or cling guiltily to his past, the entire prison arc shows how much effort hes put in to become a better person it isnt easy, growing up exposed to death/violence resulting in empathy and apathy issues, all while battling an emptiness inside thats slowly eating up ones will to live. hes genuinely trying to recover from that period of his life, and i cannot express how proud i am solely because of that. hes finally found a healthy environment, a family, and he deserves it along with so much more. he may be deemed as a “monster“ in the past, that cannot be erased, but he hates that part about himself too. being in the good or bad used to make no difference to him, but i strongly believe it does hate that part of him.  Dazai slander are fún and everything - BUT people seem to not get his character right. No, he's not an edgy boy. He genuinely wants to change for the best to make Oda proud, 'BUT HE ABUSED AKUTAGAWA’ , yeah, Akutagawa abused Kyoka and nobody is talking about how its litterally GENERATIONAL TRAUMA. Dazal was never raised correctly, he got raised by Mori and used by him to make him his right hand, maybe because of his ability, or he saw potential in him. He never fell parental Love nor being special to Someone except for Oda. "He LEFT Chuuya!!!“ ok and? Chuuya doesn't need him to live: Dazai LITTERALLY SAW PEOPLE GETTING KILLED/KILLING THEM ON THE DAILEY (AND HE WITNISSED ODAS DEATH - THE ONLY PERSON THAT MADE HIM WANT TO CHANGE.) his eyes at the age of 14, and Mori made him live in a shipping container. Obviously he is not gonna feel human after all this.

And about him and chuuya - the thing is they DO CARE ABOUT EACHOTHER. but nobody seems to care about chuuya other than the fact hes hot asf anf the fact that he is ’super mega gay for dazai 🥺🥺🥺’ because are we reading/watching the same series???? There’s SO MUCH to his character too!!!! But all everyone talks about with him is with dazai, chuuyas character is CRAZY WELL WRITTEN and everyone dumbs it down to ‘he’s an angry short boy with a god inside him and he’s mega gay for dazai and he’s also really hot’ like no - stfu he’s not actually super hot headed and it’s CANNON he’s usually pretty calm and collected. On the other side of the coin is that dazai DOES care about him - in Stormbringer ; Dazai literally willing gave Chuuya an option to either use corruption on Verlaine when he used his true form or to retreat and not do it, which gave a sense of Dazai giving Chuuya the choice to do what he wants without forcing him to, and the fact that when Chuuya used corruption, he was being injured badly to the point where Abahabaki was going to destroy Chuuya which FREAKED DAZAI OUT , and the fact that Dazai certainly believes that Chuuya is human shows that Dazai does care about Chuuya in certain ways without showing due to afraid of losing someone he cares about. and In age 15 Dazai, was willing to help Chuuya to find Abahabaki and defeat Rimbaud, along with stormbringer with him helping Chuuya to find out if he's human or not and to defeat Verlaine.

Ty for reading my rant 💞💞💞💞

i can't tell if this is attacking me or just a rant in general but anyway YESSSSS I 100% AGREE YOU ATE W THAT ANALYSIS BRIAR‼️‼️

#everybody who mischaracterizes dazai over the stupidest shit read this Right Now #lotus’s asks

[jjuzoir]

Tendou Relationship HC’s

Word count: 1584

A/N: s-spare fluffie tendou sir 🥺 hes just so... soft and his backstory makes me 😔🤚🏻 i needed me some tendou loving and that’s final❕ i just can’t shake the idea of soft tendou who’s so happy and excited about having a s/o he’d move the world around for you ❕i am the CEO of the soft boy agenda and i will not explain myself further.

— Let’s get it out of the way, Satori loves you to bits. He’s grateful every single day that he’s got you, someone he adores, loving him back.

- He thinks any relationship should be fun, so he tends to be goofy around you — joking around whenever you’re on dates or trying to get you to crack a smile, he thinks that you look the best when you’re feeling good.

- After years of hearing shit about his appearance, Tendou is self conscious about his looks - which often leads to a lot of self doubt on his part on the relationship. Do you really want to date a guy who looks like him?

- In a way, he really doesn’t like bringing his negative thoughts and emotions into the relationship which can often lead to a lot of tension when he starts distancing himself when he gets self conscious. You’ll definitely need to be the one to reach out to him in those moments, but as he grows more comfortable in the relationship - that you actually do like him and aren’t dating him because you feel bad or whatever - these moments become rarer.

- He’s a guy who needs a lot of reassurance at the start of the relationship, he doesn’t want to fuck it up and he’s really not had much experience so please guide him!

- He reacts very well to praises and nicknames, he’s a goner when you call him “honey” or “babe” and he loves calling you “pup” or “love”, it makes him giddy.

- One of the things Tendou is good at is reading people’s emotions, so there’s really nothing you can hide from him; he’ll always be alert on how you’re feeling and isn’t afraid to confront you about it and try solving the issue.

- From a young age Tendou realized that it’s best to be upfront with yourself, there will be no positive results if you just take what’s given - sometimes you need to take the first step towards change; it’s a philosophy he carries around with him everywhere, including your relationship.

- You two rarely fight, but arguments do happen but they’re always solved because of how Tendou views conflict. He knows how to keep a level head in most situations too, so if you happen to be a bit more on the emotional side he offers a kind of good balance.

- He’ll naturally take on a protective role, he might not be able to literally protect you physically all the time but he’s always there if you need to talk (so please be there for him too!). You can come to him about anything on your mind, and while he’ll never pressure you to come to him, he’s more than happy to help.

- Loves having you hang around his friends, especially the VBC. Seeing two things he treasures; volleyball and you mix, makes him feel happy and safe. Will absolutely give you heart eyes as you talk to Ushijima, especially if it’s about him.

- Talking about eyes, he loves watching you; not in a creepy way, though. He’s just kind of entranced with the way you move, how you manage to make writing look so fun - the way your wrist flicks when you start to write a new sentence, the way your eyes look when you see something you like, it’s small things like that he remembers by heart and treasures.

- Oh god… his memory, there’s nothing he won’t remember to the point it’s embarrassing. In a way, it’s good because he remembers every important date and detail (you can literally ask him for your mother’s birthday and maiden name and he’ll get it right) but it also sucks because nothing goes past him — he’s not above using stupid accidents as always to tease you.

- (probably celebrated the first time you fell asleep and drooled on him because, and I quote, “It shows how much his presence soothes you” in front of your friends (he made you a drawing of your drooling face as a gift stfu))

- He’s self conscious about his looks so his clothes tend to be kind of big to cover how skinny he is for his height, so that mean you have like ten new hoodie dresses because oh boy - they’re big on him and he’s a giant so if you’re smaller than like 5’7 that’s a gown babe.

- Satori likes seeing the way you look wearing his stuff, it’s fun for him to see you basically drown in his clothes (he kept asking where you went when you were wearing a particularly large hoodie of his).

- He doesn’t just tease you though, he’s surprisingly soft with you — he’ll send you like three paragraphs at 3AM about how grateful he is for you. He probably also sends you a good morning and good night text, he never misses a day - it doesn’t matter how tired he is, he always sends you a little “Good night ily” text!

- Tendou gets so gooey and soft when you’re around, it feels like he gets to be himself again. He really values your opinion, you never judge him for anything, you’re fair, and nice and he can’t help but admire you. Being with you kind of makes him want to be a better person.

- Don’t get me wrong, he’d still absolutely tease the living hell out of you - he likes seeing the expressions you give him when you’re annoyed or find something he said amusing, but he also likes the tender moments.

- He really likes having his hair played with when it’s not been styled, Satori would be willing to walk around town with butterfly clips and colored hair ties if you styled it a certain way. He couldn’t care less what it looked like, he finds it funny and cute so make sure you’re not going on a date because he will wear those little pigtails you put on him.

- Definitely not a jealous guy, he might be slightly insecure about being with you but he trusts you to hell and back, but he’s kind of possessive. He thinks you’re too good for him and he’s scared you’ll eventually think so too, so when he sees someone being too friendly with you he is on guard, he’d never do anything but if he sees that they’re making you uncomfortable or things are going somewhere they shouldn’t he isn’t afraid to but in.

- He’ll just throw an arm over your shoulder and rest his head on the other, he won’t say anything other than a cheeky hi and let them keep talking themselves into a hole. He’ll just stare at them, it doesn’t matter if you start tugging his sleeve, he’ll stare at them - open eyed, doing all he can to appear as intimidating as possible. If the person questions him he’ll just laugh and tell them he’s your boyfriend with a smile; Hopefully they get the message by then.

- He’s a sucker for sudden-surprise dates, he’d text you at 2AM asking if you want to sneak out to a park and go stargazing, if you’re asleep he’ll probably drag one of his friends’ out and snap a few pictures and poorly edit you in them and send them to you alongside a cute message about how fun it was and how he wants to do it with you eventually too.

- His favorite dates with you are the ones where you two just walk around town until you find something fun to do, hell - even if you both don’t find something fun to do, he likes being around you that walking next you while talking about anything suffices.

- You’ll definitely be getting weird calls from him at random hours too, he’ll see something that reminds him of you or think about you and he’ll just want to chat. It could be things from a bunny he saw that he thought kinda looked like you to an empty bag of chips he threw at Shirabu’s head that kinda sounded like you when you laugh.

- Has a little song he sings when he sees you in the halls, it’s just your name he sings in a little tune with some “hmm, hmm~ tu-tu” he likes to add, he also does it a little dance with his hands before giving you a little kiss as a hello.

- (Please he’s so touch and affection starved, he’s got like so much love to give and he’s so cute I’m in tears).

- He loves it when you hug him from the back, there’s something about having your arms around his torso while you giggle about something. Tendou’s face will temporarily go as red as his hair, he’s not used to that much physical affection and when I say he’s touched starved, he kind of tears up for a second before turning around and picking you up - thank god volleyball gave him some muscles because he’s not letting you go. He doesn’t care if you’re taller than him or shorter or whatever, he’s going to hold you in his arms for a second with the goofiest grin on his face while he nuzzles your cheek with his.

- “T-Tendou, don’t your arms hu-hurt?!” You stutter, he’d been holding you like that for almost five minutes and he hadn’t let go of his deadly grip on your waist at all.

- “Mhm, but I don’t care,” his voice is slightly muffled from his position on your neck, “‘m happy…”

- Overall, he's just a soft boyfriend who loves teasing you.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #hq #haikyuu!! #tendou satori #tendou x reader #satori x reader #tendō satori #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu hc #haikyuu fanfiction #hq fluff #hq x reader #hq x you #haikyuu!! x you #tendou fluff #tendō fluff #tendou headcanon #tendou x you #hq tendou #—🎀 haikyuu! #—✒️ sora’s scripts

[rein-ette]

Engport Thoughts:

Warnings: this ain’t fancy sh/t ok it’s just the stuff I yell in my own head at 4 AM and its hella long too

I don’t really vibe with the view that engport’s power dynamic is skewed in Arthur’s favour, and that Port somehow loves Arthur more than Arthur loves him. Yes, Port has his moments of doubt, and yes, politically speaking for the past two centuries England’s been more powerful and relevant on the world stage. But nowadays they’re not that different, and while Port did harbour some serious resentment in the 1800-1900s because he felt that Arthur wasn’t treating him like an equal, in the century they spent apart I think he realized how much of that feeling came from his own self-hatred and fears rather than Arthur’s actions.

Like yes, there was the period after Napoleon where England controlled Port’s affairs for a while, and ofc there was the ultimatum — but is the ultimatums importance not sometimes overstated? Even for its time it was a pretty minor disagreement with little political fallout. To me, the ultimatum is only important as the last straw that broke the camel's back—since the decline of the Portuguese empire began, slowly at first and more noticeably after 1800, Ports own worries and anger and fear grew, often exacerbated by comparisons with England. Arthur noticed, but could do nothing about it; he couldn’t well have sacrificed British interests to assuage Ports nebulous feeling of inadequacy, and even if he had Port would only have seen it as pity. In fact Arthur didn’t know how to deal with it at all, so he said nothing. It’s that feeling when a friend or loved one says to you “I don’t deserve you” (as a way of saying “I’m not good enough”, not “you’re really great”) -- how is one supposed to respond? As a nation and a man Portugal needed to redefine the source of his own value, and that wasn’t something Arthur could do for him.

Of course Arthur may not have made this process any easier; in the best of times Arthur is about as good at communicating complex and tangled emotions as a sea cucumber, and when you add in the growing ambition of the British people and the daily European squabbles and power shifts, it all becomes a mess. I honestly think Arthur probably made the best choice available to him by not addressing it in the 19th century — if he had tried, his abrasiveness and Ports extreme sensitivity on this issue would surely have blown up their relationship sooner than 1890. To illustrate the point that this wasn’t a “Arthur treats Gabi as an inferior” issue, consider if England had briefly directed French policy like they did Portuguese after the Napoleonic Wars. Francis would of course start squawking up a storm, but I don’t think Francis would feel like him and Arthur were no longer equals. France in fact went through a similar experience as Portugal but hyperspeed from 1940-1950 where they had to confront going from Great Power to “stfu ur only on this council cuz the US is in a good mood.” But Arthur and Francis had a stable relationship during this time, because Francis’s identity and self worth (as a man, not a nation) is less rigid and based upon “providing for others” and “being Europe’s sole supply of shiny and yummy things” than Port's was.

So yeah, my point is that Arthur treated Gabi in the 1800s like he had always treated him — and even being extra careful not to aggravate his insecurities. It was Gabriel that felt more and more inadequate, irrelevant, powerless, so that when an issue comes along like the Pink Map; boom, you got urself a self-esteem issue bath bomb. Note that I’m talking about Artie and Gabi's personal interactions, NOT England’s diplomatic treatment of Portugal. Of course as states England recognized Portugal's diminishing relevance -- if they didn't, that would mean the English foreign office was bad at their job. And Gabriel was certainly intelligent and experienced enough to appreciate this distinction between interpersonal and international relationships, which is also why Gabi didn’t seek an argument with Arthur before 1890, either. He knew it wasn’t Arthur’s fault that he felt the way he did, but the humiliation of the ultimatum hit too close to home and he exploded anyways.

One last thought about their power dynamic: on an emotional level, I feel like Gabi has more cards to play than Arthur. Gabi holds so much sway over Arthur’s emotional well-being that I often think about how bad it could get if Gabriel chose to abuse that power. Arthur himself has so many insecurities and traumas that it would be so easy for Gabi, who knows him so well, to exploit them, especially when Arthur’s pretty much been hardwired after 9 centuries to trust Gabi. I think Arthur’s logic goes something like, if I can’t trust Gabriel than theres truly no one in this world I can rely on, which makes it, uh, really easy for Gabi to gaslight him. Like, if he just said “no one will ever love you but me,” Artie would believe that shit. He’d be on guard if it came from anyone else, but if Gabi says it mf would f/in internalize it. “If you leave me you’ll be alone,” “no one can forgive you for what you’ve done, but I will,” “if you died no one will give a shit but me.” These are all things Arthur half believes already, so it’d be a piece of cake for someone as astute as Gabriel to push him over the edge (@needcake has a great fic here about dark!engport which explores this abuse of trust). I think Port is actually very aware of this and goes out of his way to avoid saying things like that, precisely because he knows how fragile Arthur’s mental health is and how much he needs to trust Gabi. Sometimes this can be a burden on Port, too, which results in him softening his stance or giving in when he should draw a clearer line because he’s scared he’ll aggravate Arthur's insecurities.

TLDR; PORT'S PROBLEMS ARE NOT ALL MADE IN ENGLAND, PORTUGAL HAS ITS OWN DOMESTIC INDUSTRY FOR MANUFACTURING ISSUES™, and they’re actually very soft on each other and careful with each other’s feelings. They’re trying so hard, but history doesn’t give out medals for effort.

#engport #hws england #hws portugal #my hcs #when i was doing research for the dark world is not far from us #i read some speeches given in the House about the importance of anglo-portuguese relations #i can't recall if it was turn of the 20th century or during ww2 #but they basically talked about port's strategic importance to England as a check for Spain #as well as Port's historical loyalty to and sincere treatment of England #so yeah this whole long ass post is basically ab that and how port aint some starry eyed victim of his own terrible affection #he's a grown ass man for goodness sake #lets not make their relationship that one dimensional

[khaleesiofalicante]

OK MY ELECTRICITY WENT BUT IM HERE WITH MY LIVE BLOG. Im also wearing a tiara i found during cleaning at 2 38 am...

LXI'S STILL HAVING THOSE DREAMS

You see, that’s how Lexi functioned. Unlike Selena who had a weekly planner with her name doodled on it, Lexi didn’t like having a schedule. She would decide what she wanted to do when she wanted it.

SAME LEXI SAME

IM SORRY IF THIS IS MSOTLY IN CAPS IM TOO EXCITED

lexi

lexi why are you in pain

what what what

whats happening

im freaking out

GEORGIA

There were six of them. Each handle in one colour of the pride flag.

gimme

THE ACADEMY

NO NO NO

these demons can talk as well.

that's what bothers me the most

CLARY STFU YOU KNOW DAMN WELL YOU FOUGHT A WAR AT 15. I know she's worried for valid reasons but im losing it right now.

calm its ok its gonna be ok

georgia collecting the ichor-

i love her so much

Lexi didn’t think it was possible, but the sight somehow made her gayer than before.

me every time i look at amy or rosa from b99

OLIVIA

“Of course you are not dying!” Lexi said severely. “Neither one of us is allowed to die before we finish binging Game of Thrones.”

with the major character death tag right there

dont make me think of georgia getting sick

dont

The bar was extremely low for shadowhunters.

yes it is

OH MULTIPLE POVS

RAFAEL

did i just sob "my child" ?

maybe i did

im so proud of him

LEAVE ME ALONE

wait but in tid sophie was over the age of ascention too

WAIT HOW OLD WAS SOPHIE AT THE AGE OF ASCENTION

WAIT OMG SOPHIE WAS YOUNG

I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

“Life is too short for bad blood,”

yeah. yeah it is

i still really like camilla

He could go to Mexico right now. His heart wanted to do it. His body screamed at him to do it.

It wasn’t the distance that was the problem. He had two warlocks at home. He had a bike. He had money to buy a plane ticket.

It wasn’t the distance at all. Rafael would walk to Mexico for her if necessary.

i screamed so loud here i was grateful for the closed door

CHAIRMAN MEOW

CYUKGUCDGYMDYUD

THE PRECIOUS CAT

WHAT IF THE MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH IS ABOUT CHAIRMAN???

“Y’all really be acting as if portals are like a bag of Cheetos!” Max pointed out seriously. “It ain’t $2.50, bro! Do you have any idea the energy it takes to make a portal? What people actually pay for it? I can’t be making portals for free. I don’t get a salary from the Clave like you do. This is how I make a living!”

SO TRUE

“I was going to say you should go stay at the institute with David,” Rafael said. “But you are right. You are not a baby. You can stay here on your-”

“On second thoughts,” Max interrupted with a grin. “I’m still a fetus in warlock years so I will go the institute.”

THEY ARE SO PRECIOUS

AHHH HE CALLED HER PRETTY THE FIRST TIME HE SAW HER

THEY WERE 7

IM SCREAMING SO MUCH RIGHT NOW

my throat hurts

JAIME MY BABY

Y'ALL I MISSED HIM SO MUCH

“All thanks to the amazing Isabelle Lightwood,” Jaime replied. “I think I am a little in love with her.”

“Who isn’t?” Rafael chuckled.

we all are in love with isabelle lightwood

no no no

where's anjali

where is she

dont fuck with me right now

why does diego look like a mess

“Diego,” the woman rasped. “She is coughing up blood again.”

no

dont

it's chapter 1

stop making me cry

THE LIGHTWOOD SIBLINGS

YUSDFGYUSDFSDGYUD

if anyone gives izzy shit for this i'll kill them

JACE STOP GOING SO FAST

“Jace, if you want to a baby so much then grow your own damn uterus,” Isabelle snapped.

TELL HIM

THIS GOES OUT TO THE WHOLE MALE POPULATION

After Georgia’s birth, they had promised each other that they would always choose the children first. If it ever came to a point, as it often did in their lives, where they had to choose between themselves and the children – they had promised each other to save the children.

dude theres a major character death here

Jace thought for a moment and then grinned at her. “No uterus. No opinion.”

“Selena has trained you well,”

selena my smart feminist child

I JUST KNOW ONE OF THE LIGHTWOOD-BANES IS DYING

AND IM NOT OK

“Do you really need those?” Alec asked, pointing at the glasses.

“No,” Jace replied. “But Clary thinks I look hot with glasses.”

“You two are ridiculous,” Alec shook his head.

Jace turned around. “Really? And your beard is for character building, is it?”

there's no use lying alec we all know why it's really there

I KNOW WHAT LEUKEMIA IS SHUT THE FUCK UP IM LOSING MY SHIT

no

no

she cant die

IF SHE DIES I WILL RAISE HELL

my throat hurts from all the shouting

“Can I get a cinnamon latte with extra cream and two sugars please?” Alec asked.

Jace raised an eyebrow.

“Magnus had a long day at the Spiral Labyrinth,” Alec explained.

“Can’t he just magic his drink?”

“Well, yes,” Alec replied. “But I like buying it for him. It’s called being a good husband.”

aww that's so sweet

THIS IS HILARIOUS

“I’m saying no one can do better than David,” Jace huffed. “He is precious.”

tru

“If you are going to be this way, things are going to be very awkward at their wedding,” Jace muttered.

“They are not getting married, Jace!”

“Do you not want them to???”

“They are nineteen!!”

“Doesn’t mean we are not allowed to think about it,” Jace pointed out. “If they get married, we will be family!”

“We are already family!” Alec all but yelled.

“Yeah, but we will be even closer!” Jace sighed happily.

“You are my parabatai!” Alec said incredulously. “My soul is literally tied to yours! How closer do you want to get?”

THIS IS AMAZING

OH MY GOD I LOVE

JACE BEING OVER PROTECTIVE OVER SELENA DATING SOMEONE IM LOSING MY SHIT

wait how old is michael

"Oh my god,” Jace gasped. “Three out of three! I win!”

“It’s not a competition, Jace!” Alec rolled his eyes.

“It is and I won,” Jace grinned. “You’re welcome, LGBTQ+ community.”

YUP JACE WON

“Can we talk about something else?” Izzy demanded. “We are not those parents who only ever talk about their children.”

Alec cleared his throat. “Right. Of course.”

“Yeah, we have lives of our own,” Jace nodded seriously.

They drove quietly for a while before they started discussing about their children’s love lives again right up until Jace pulled over at Jade Wolf.

of course...

Lily’s face was pale – paler than usual.

lily what's wrong

please lily

anjali...

lily is close to her

of course

“Then we burn all the angels,” Lily growled.

YES YES YES YES

Jace walked in that moment, sipping from his latte. “I bought donuts, y’all!”

A chuckle escaped Magnus. “Jonathan. Your timing is impeccable.”

"Is everything okay?” Jace asked, looking troubled.

“No,” Maia replied. “But at least we have donuts.”

at least they have donuts

“I love you,” he mouthed, and Alec’s heart was okay for a moment.

THE FEELS

ISABELLE

NO NO NO

NO

IZZY

PLEASE

WHY IS EVERY POV ENDING LIKE THIS

They had put on their clothes

AHEM SIR-

they grow up so fast...

no

im crying

dont please

izzy

she was poisoned

oh my god

WHO

GIVE ME NAMES RIGHT NOW

Rafael drank like a dozen a day.

understandable have a good day

OH MY GOD STOP JOKING AS A COPING MECHANISM

Im squeezing the life out of Emma (my emotional support stuffed cat) right now

seelies

the first time i heard the source was angelic my very first incstinct was seelie. I didn't wanna share it because of how absurd it sounded. but it doesn't anymore.

charlotte was poisoned by a seelie unintentionally which cost her her child

oh

OH MY GOD

NO THIS WASN'T IZZY'S COFFEE

MAGNUS GAVE IT TO HER

THIS WAS MAGNUS' COFFEE

SOMEONE WAS TRYING TO POISON HIM.

I'm losing my mind oh my god... I am so scared. Please Anjali and Isabelle please they cant...no i dont wanna think like that. tryna take deep breaths. ok. it's gonna be ok. maybe.

see ya friday!

Now I want to write lbaf while wearing a tiara. Hmmmm. I'll look for one online.

See you Friday! Also hope you had a good birthday!!!

And send pics of Emma!!!!!!!

#lbaf

[pixelatedrose]

Ro, I know nothing about dream smp, but it sounds really interesting and I'm super intrigued by the little snippets I get about Dream's character, so if you want to, and if you feel like it, would you mind explaining C!Dream's arc and your opnion on him? 👉👈 He sounds like a fun character and I'd love to hear about how he did and what you think about him

Oh i would love to give an analysis/explaination on his character :)

/roleplay for everything below here btw, i am talking about the characters not the creators :]

So Dream is the owner of the server, he's the admin. He's also praised both in and out of rp for being an excellent player of the game being skilled in both the mechanics and pvp- in fact Dream and Technoblade (a player praised for being the best pvper in the world) had a duel where Techno won over all, but only just.

Anyway-

At the begining of everything, Dream was kind of the say all end all of most things happening on the server, and when Wilbur wanted to do drugs and creat a country seperate from his server where he could do drugs, Dream [rightfully] said no. This led to the first war in which Dream (along with Sapnap, George, and Punz) won.

Then Dream kind of fades a bit from the plot, becoming a much more background character. He claimed in the middle of Schlatt's rule that he was in it for the chaos and quietly aided Pogtopia as well as heavily aided in its ultimate destruction by giving Wilbur tnt in his descent into madness.

Before Pogtopia went to take back Manburg, Dream switched his allegiance to Schlatt for reasons unknown till recently (reasons being that Schlatt had access to knowledge on how to resurrect people) and even FURTHER aided in the second destruction of manburg by egging Techno on as they had Tubbo placed into presidency.

After this, it was once again quite for a little while during the rebuilding of L'manburg. Until George's house got burned down.

Dream then began building unwanted walls around New L'manburg in punishment for Tommy [and Ranboo's] actions. He gave Tubbo an ultimatum: exile Tommy or the walls will continue to grow.

(Its at this point i forgot all about the disks oh jeez- anyway its VERY important to note that before Wilbur came onto the server, Dream had wars against Tommy (and tubbo too from what i understand) to get Tommy's disks that he had. I don't know why dream wanted them or why they were important to Tommy bc i wasn't there for it, but it was important. Tommy trading the disks to Dream was what granted them independence in the first war and since then tommy had been trying to get them back and by the time Dream demanded Tommy's exile, Tommy had one disk, Tubbo had one, and Skeppy had one. Also important to note that Dream said that if Tommy gave him the disks then the walls could also go down without his exile.)

Tubbo exiled Tommy and Dream was set as the enforcer of his exile, checking in daily and making him give up his armour and tools and making sure he STAYED in exile. However Dream did more than this and began to manipulate and gaslight Tommy, making him believe he had been imagining it when Tubbo came to see him once and lying to him when he said he'd sent everyone invites to Tommys party- telling Tommy that he was his only friend and that everyone else hated him.

In the end, Dream discovered that Tommy had been secretly saving tools and armor in a chest under Logsteshire and he blew up everything Tommy had accomplished in Exile and telling Tommy it was all his fault. It was all to the point where Tommy nearly took his last canon life before realizing that he could just run away, ending up with Techno in the AE.

Its also important to note that during this time dream has also been manipulating Tubbo as well- however i don't know the extent of it since i never ended up watching Tubbo's pov while Tommy was in exile.

After all this happened, Dream began hunting for Tommy- coming not once but i think three times to Techno's house- all three times Techno (once it was Ghostbur) protecting him and lying to Dream for him.

After this, Dream blew up the community house (the oldest structire on the server) and framed it as Tommy's doing in an attempt to further push everyone against him. It backfired though and Tommy joined back with Tubbo, subsequently betraying Techno in the process. (Important to not that during this, Tubbo ended up giving Dream the Disk that he had in safe keeping)

Dream then teamed up with Techno (who was already planning on destroying L'manburg) and helped him obliterate the country- leaving nothing but a smoking crater down to bedrock.

Following this he (allegedly- it's still unsure wether it was actually Dream or not) began to maniand gaslight Ranboo, convincing him that Ranboo was the one who blew up the community house and had a disk himself and had betrayed everyone he cared about during his blackouts.

Finally, Dream had two of the three disks and lead Tommy and Tubbo to a final battle in which Dream ended up winning, taking them to an underground chamber where he had wall to wall places for things that were of value to others on the smp- including pets and items alike, and even a space for an actual character [skeppy]- all in an attempt to control everyone on the server.

During this, Dream threatened the life of Tubbo if Tommy didn't give him the last disk. And as Tommy and Tubbo began to give into dispare, around 15 people from the smp, including but limited to Sapnap, George, and most notably Punz (who was by far the most loyal to Dream up till this point) all showed up and forced Dream into submission, Tommy claiming two of his canon lives in revenge for Dream taking two of his, and finally taking him away to a high security prison called Pandora's Vault in which he resides in today, writing books by request of Tommy.

Damn.

Okay.

Sorry writing about Dream is difficult because he doesn't stream his pov and hasn't since the very very first L'manburg war. And even still there are things I'm missing from this I'm sure...

Anyway, from an analysts stand point, Dream is an absolutely FASCINATING charcter with extreme motives and he plays such a convincing villain that i even forget sometimes that Dream as a person is actually really nice. He's scary intelligent and highly manipulative- even in prison where he tried to make Tommy feel bad by saying sorry.

From a personal point of veiw i would rejoice if c!dream fucking burned in the pits of hell for the rest of existing time :) LIKE RANBOO DIDN'T EVEN HAVE ANY SHIT AGAINST DREAM OR NOTHIN AND THIS BASTARD WAS LIKE "oh yeah you probably blew this up and betrayed evedyone you love willingly" LIKE FUCK YOU GREEN MAN LITERALLY YOU DON'T HAVE A HOUSE STFU

Anyway.

Dream :)

I'd be more than happy to try and summarise other characters for you too btw

#that-peach-anon #mcyt #dreamwastaken #dreamteam #dreamsmp #dream smp #dsmp #L'manburg #tommyinnit #tubbo #ask me things #hhhhhhholy shit #man trying to do that was long and HARD #if i missed things and fucked things up I'm sorry i can only do so much #this is all what i understand to have happened with dream- its difficult when you don't have his pov available for watch :/ #anyway i hope this helps a little!! i didn't take time to explain plot lines a whole bunch but if you want me to i can try!!

[macklives]

session 81 end

wow, okay, first things first

AC!!!!!

shes so fucking cute holy shit i love her so much i dont even know where to begin??

i mean i guess its because im so used to troll snark and the way they just? banter constantly? seeing someone who is a literal ray of sunshine is so refreshing and wholesome and pure. god she’s great. shes a cat, she knows her stuff. she’s strong and theres also this guys???? who shes scared of?? and tells her what to do??? yeah no, idk who it is but let her make her own decisions lol

maybe its just over exaggeration or whatnot, and hes not bad but first impressions do a lot to me and right now the only thing i know about this guy is that AC needs his approval for everything. i guess ill see where that takes us. hopefully nowhere bad. but AC seems like she can take care of herself and knows how to be a good decent troll and i love her for that. wow it literally took me one dialogue to like her. damn, that was fast. jesus.

you know who else is great?

terezi.

yeah i know right. and that whole trial thing, which yeah i guess half the time i was confused by what the fuck is going on since i still cant grasp the idea of how alternia works, but i enjoyed myself with lemonsnout and how terezi roleplays and how much she gets into it. seeing a character that passionate about something is so sweet and nice.

god this was just a nice overall session

which i say, while i completely forgot about the banter TA and karkat got into

right, that happened. oh my god. they both literally stomped all over each other, dissed one another, still made up in the end because apparently thats their friendship and i guess it just works like that. depends on the friends you have, i guess.

its funny though, not gonna lie

and karkat as of now is just being a prick and honestly? 

like more than usual, which i guess is weird to say but i mean from present time to beginning of hivebent karkat. not that its uncommon for him to be a prick, he is, but seeing him go through the non-linear pattern with john is mmmmh interesting to say the least. though we havent seen his first trolling, just him constantly going “oh god what did i say, i was dumb” u know, not in those words but thats basically what he means. 

ooh im gonna analyze, i feel like analyzing right now my fingers have already typed so much as it is MIGHT AS WELL

and our candidate will be *drum rollll* karkat wow predictable (its below the cut because this is literally irrelevant now to the session)

okay, lets lay out the shit we have already. as i said before, the way he talks presently to john (meaning in the future) is so different than how he speaks to everyone now. of course the “i hate the world” personality is still there, and hes still just regular karkat, but karkat talking with john is patient to some extent and tells him what he needs to know for the game, lowkey kinda chills out once they started talking about movies or growing up as huh, didnt he say larvae or smth?

okay that whole grub thing makes sense now as i just wrote that but i am still confused as to what the FUCK that is implying because i dont think it crossed my mind this much, im repressing it for now until it comes up later. 

anyways, back to what i was saying. he was so DIFFERENT than the way he’s acting now which is bitch and moan and like? stfu karkat lmfao. i mean, its not THAT big of a difference in character, because i know he’s still his grumpy old self, and theres a lot of potential.. for growth? not sure if we’ll get it but i like to assume we will get character growth from these characters with fucking 8000 pages talking about them. but a story needs that growth and with karkat being just a straight up angry dude, in MY EYES, he should.. have growth, no? idk HOW he will grow, but im basically just taking what i have right now which isnt much but i analyze things for fun sometimes so let me be.

that being said, because its so early on, im not sure where homestuck is gonna go and i dont have much to go on but being in the psychology course shit happens when you have limited information and you gotta pin point what makes a person a person and how do they cope with things to grow further into life. many of my assignments involve limited info so honestly, not that hard.

but it is something that ive noticed, the way karkat is different as he grows which possibly means the whole veil thing happens later later on in his life and we havent yet seen that small growth become patience and not whining every time he doesnt get what he wants. but growth is common and it mostly likely happens to everyone, so its not like wow this is a surprise and a plot twist, more of something that i just wanna write for the sake of writing it. i hope that makes sense? i dont exactly know where im going with this. i just mean that im basically going to analyse karkat a tiny bit so idk how to otherwise explain it but you’ll get where im going with this as i type more lmao. 

anyways, so karkat literally said “pretend i dont think highly of my friend’s talents” as if he’s visibly trying to force himself from all emotions and bash on those who do (reference: “stop being sensitive, its repugnant” or whatever tf he said while TA replied with “hypocrite”) i take that as a key word. so honestly, while that was the smallest thing ive gotten from this session, its the thing im most curious about actually and i actually havent mentioned lol. because what ive learned in psych, which this is just common knowledge but i did an assignment on it so like?? could be useful?? is that people who hold off their emotions tend to hold off others as well, so there is no chance of mirroring each other. in other words, if someone is happy and starts to laugh and goof around with another, the emotions will mirror that other person subconsciously. like an addictive laugh. theres also another way to show mirroring, which is to mimic another person's actions, allowing another to establish a sense of empathy and thus begin to understand another person's emotions. in this case, im using TA and karkat as example. people who suppress emotions tend to see emotions as a bad sign and if somebody else portrayed any sign of it as well, they’ll basically say “gross what are you doing” because theyre so used to concealing it away, that they dont want others to think theyre into the whole mushy shit. so they pretend to hate it, pretend to not even be slightly affected by general sensitivity..

which basically means karkat is a softie, and even if he’s a prick right now, meeee thinks john, from earlier convos, is growing on him because john himself knows how emotions work and while i dont think troll culture does know much about it, considering the BLOOD AND CARNAGE thing, he is in fact growing and even if thats obvious, and you all know it, i am new to homestuck and am trying to see that for myself. its noticeable to some degree. he may always still be a jerk, but i am waiting to see how he slowly starts to accept things around him and to finally show what hes hiding inside. even if its just going up by a few percentages, i see its there and im hoping VERY HOPING he has the biggest character growth!

in other words, why else do i think this?? well nobody who watches romcoms can be that fucking aggressive. you need some sap in you to like it.

on that note, ill probably analyze alternia’s system and rules in another post later throughout these next few sessions because i feel it needs to be talked about and the way everything just.. is so different and doesnt seem right, you know?

thats it for now goodnight

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #hs81 #hs81 end #tfw you get so into the analysis simple shit doesnt come to mind like tagging or putting a title

[moonshinemornings]

in my skin

i’ve been thinking about writing this for a long time, and I think I’m at a place where, more so than being comfortable talking about it, putting my thoughts down might help me continue to chip away at my complex.

I want to preface this by saying that my fixation on how my body looks is infuriating to even me. this is for 3 reasons:

1) there is an endless list of more important, broader existential crises to be concerned with instead of how I look (what am I heading towards? am I genuinely happy pursuing a capitalistic, societal definition of success? what is purpose or value in my life???)

2) even on an individual level, so many other aspects of a human make up their person and make them interesting other than how they look and its stupid to be so concerned with this one thing that means so little if anything at all

3) I’m not even that stupidly far away from societal beauty standards anyway wtf like stfu

regardless, I think my thoughts about my body are reflective of how I think about myself relative to the world in general. I’ve also found that the relationship I have with my body is often a symptom about how I am feeling about my self worth at a certain point in time, and also manifests in how I see and treat the people around me. for these reasons I think it can be valuable to unpack these feelings even though they may seem asinine.

the first time I became conscious of my body was in my primary school dance club, when we had to get measured for our costumes. most of my friends were generally skinny and I wasn’t significantly larger than any of them. but the nature of (chinese) dance and the kind of girls that joined it made the general impression that it was better to be lithe and delicate - the moves just looked better that way. the revelation that I wasn’t as thin as I could be was not groundbreaking. it didn’t trigger any immediately toxic thoughts either. it was just a thought I hadn’t had before, that my body wasn’t perfect. It also didn’t affect me much because I had a lot of good stuff going on in school; I had great friends, I did well in school, everything looked good on paper and in real life (I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I peaked in primary school). so it wasn’t a huge trigger for anything, just a planting of a seed, I guess? dormant.

as I grew into my teens my body was often too busy serving its intended purposes for me to be concerned with how it looked. I played sports all the time, I woke up early and went to bed early (when possible). I ate well and I was active. It wasn’t difficult to be relatively fit, so I wasn’t really that concerned with how “good” my body looked. like all teens, I did become more concerned with standards of attractiveness and whether or not I conformed to them. I noticed how people’s bodies differed and what people liked. I was aware that I was not on the top of my teenage male acquaintance’s who-would-you-bang list, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. I wasn’t super pleased with my body but I definitely wasn’t unhappy with it. and frankly speaking, I didn’t think I was unattractive lah like ya I might not be hot shit but I was definitely not ugly and I was pretty confident with what I had to offer. this was probably also due to the fact that I did well in school and extra-curriculars, so I found my validation elsewhere. 

for a short time between high school and college I had a body goal I wanted to work towards, time on my hands and a motivated support system, so I started working out for an aesthetic. It wasn’t super serious and there were no hard and fast rules, plus it was genuinely fun to work my body. I had been an athlete for several years at this point and I knew I felt good when my body was well-worked and maintained, so it was never difficult to bring myself to work out. the results were a happy bonus. looking back that was probably the time when I had the healthiest relationship with my body. I liked using it and spending time on it for the sake of doing it, I liked how it made me look but never to the extent that it became my main motivation for working on my body. if I had the luxury of unadulterated, stressless time, I could probably do it again. when I started college I was healthy, I looked good and I didn’t even care (we’ll come back to this).

when I started college things started to fall apart. my time in university was, overall, pretty shitty for my mental health. it was great in a lot of other aspects, and I can say with little doubt that it’s helped me grow into a person I not only want to be but am comfortable with. but the process was a shit show to put it lightly. when it comes to my relationship with how I look in particular, I think my years in London have unfortunately left me with a considerable amount of trauma. to make a long story short, I had an ideal of what I wanted my college experience to be like, but half a year into it I found myself severely unsatisfied with every aspect of my life. I wasn’t doing well in school, I felt like I was underperforming socially, I was conscious about the difference in affluence between me and the people around me and I was generally unhappy with the space I took up in my own and other people’s narratives. amidst all this, I put on some weight because (1) I wasn’t working out anywhere as much as I used to (2) the weather, my mental wellbeing and the food readily available made me eat a lot of junk. but instead of acknowledging and focusing on the underlying inferiority complexes that were eating away at me, I sought alternative validation through things I could seemingly control i.e. how I looked. it became the case that it was no longer that I looked a certain way because I worked out, but that I worked out because I wanted to look a certain way. and when I didn’t look a certain way because I was eating shit or going out or because it just plainly was not realistic given my living situation, the lack of validation would further aggravate the inferiority complexes and unhappiness with my person that started this toxicity to begin with. i ended first year treating the people around me like shit, not having anything to show for the hours of studying i put in, and a lot heavier than when I started it. family and friends pointed it out and i was pretty chill about it whenever it happened. i honestly thought i wasn’t that affected by it (again, brushing under the carpet the problems I had with the expectations I set for myself), and that i could lose the weight if i put my mind to it.

then in second year i developed an eating disorder. a couple months into second year I hadn’t made much progress with either my mental or physical health. I often ate till I was physically uncomfortable because I had a general problem with self control (I had none, in fact I didn’t want any, but that’s a story for another time). One night after eating too much, I went to brush my teeth and I was so full that when I gagged lightly from brushing my tongue, I involuntarily threw up the food that was filled up to my gullet. A normal person would’ve registered this as a cue that they should be more conscious about how much they’re eating. I saw it as an opportunity to eat as much as I wanted (for what?) and still be (or at least feel like I am) in control of how much weight I put on. and so I developed bulimia. the bulimia was closely followed by a binge eating disorder - seeing that now there was a mechanism to keep my intake in check, I could let my eating habits, which were in fact reflective of my control problems unravelling, go crazy. I told a couple friends about it because I thought maybe I needed help, but I never really told them how bad it could get. some nights I would go down into the kitchen in the middle of the night twice. thrice. seven times. I would look for anything I could inhale. cashews dipped in peanut butter. seaweed with a cup of yogurt. three packets of chips and a large slice of cake. instant noodles and jam straight out from the jar. it didn’t matter. it all ended up coming back out of my mouth and into the toilet bowl anyway. I would go out for meals with my friends and we would over-order. the paiseh pieces would be left on the plate and if no one wanted them, i would eat them. immediately afterwards I’d go to the restaurant washroom and throw it up. and all this time while I treated both food and my digestive tract like they were toys, my fixation on how I looked grew. spoiler: i did not lose weight from being bulimic. but I very much did lie to myself about it in order to keep at what was actually a coping mechanism for the rest of my life that was falling apart around me. I threw up everything I ate today, do I look different? I didn’t throw lunch up, but I worked out, so it should cancel out, does it show? I ate a salad but because for dinner we had baked rice I threw half of it up, it didn’t make me bloat did it? 

towards the end of second year I had a rude awakening that forced me to drag myself out of the shit hole of a mindset I had casted myself into to address the personal issues and the lazy, irresponsible, selfish attitude that had gotten me to this point. luckily, when I dealt with the underlying dissatisfaction I felt towards myself, my problems with food disappeared along with it. right now I don’t have an unhealthy relationship with food. if i were being generous, I’d say it could even be considered pretty healthy. my relationship with my physical body is also pretty good. I eat balanced meals, I sleep well, I work out when I want to and lay in bed and eat junk when I want to. I don’t force myself to get activity in, I don’t force myself to eat more or eat less. in fact, I think I am really inching towards getting the intuitive eating and living thing down. I’ve lost some weight and I definitely don’t hate how I look anymore. so I think I am in a good place for the most part.

my relationship with body image and the validation I feel from how I look however, has been (permanently?) affected. as it stands, I am scared about two things.

first. I like the person I am right now. my life is not super in check, but I’m holding it down pretty well. but in the past two years, when i had nothing under control, the way I looked was the only measure with which i valued my worth. do I only place less emphasis on how I look right now because, like when I was in high school, I have other things going for me? if, come one day, life happens and the going gets tough, will I once again come down on myself because I don’t look perfect, even though I don’t look shit? will how I see my body and how I feel about it be affected every time something else in my life causes anxiety or unhappiness, and if that happens is there a risk of it starting a vicious circle of self-toxicity?

second. like I said, I don’t hate how I look right now. but I also don’t love it. since coming back home, after a shower or when I’m changing or whenever I’m deciding what to wear, I stand in front of the mirror, and I look into it for what I can tell is longer than I would like. I don’t give myself shit for how I look or dislike what I see. but why am I looking anyways? am i checking to see if i like my body any more or less today? why do I care? why should it matter how close or far I am to society and my own definition of an ideal body?

recently I watched a video that said despite the positive intentions of the body positivity movement, a better approach would be radical body acceptance. body positive says that even though I’m fatter or shorter or flatter or whatever-er than the beauty standard, I am still beautiful. radical body acceptance argues that words like fat or thin or flat or short or thin should just be neutral words. there is no good or bad linked to them and there is no good or bad body type. bodies are not “beautiful however they may look”. they are just bodies. I’m trying to strive towards this idea of body perception, to go back to a place of not caring how I look in and of itself or relative to anything else. how I look will just be how I look. to be clear, I don’t think this mindset is the best one that should be universally promoted. I do however think it is the best method for me. this is because I’ve found that ever since developing a fixation on my body and how it looks, sometimes when I see other people the things I take notice of most are their bodies as well. I don’t think I go as far as to assign worth to their person or character because of how their body looks, but I can tell that I’m developing a fixation on other people’s bodies (even if I don’t compare it to mine) and I feel like it subconsciously blocks a clear, genuine perception of them as people. and, of course, it feeds into my obsession about how I look. the more I care, the more I care. so I want to focus on caring less, and eventually not caring.

I would like for a day to come where I can put on clothes and not feel the need to change out of it because I don’t like how I look in something before leaving the house. I would like even more if I didn’t feel the need to look in the mirror before leaving to begin with. I would like to be able to not feel badly if someone points out I gained weight, but I would like even more to not feel happy because someone says I’ve lost weight. I would like to stalk fewer girls on instagram to see what their bodies look like in different photos. I would like to stop being concerned about how my body looks in different photos. I would like for a day to come where, whenever I’m not actively thinking about it, I forget how I look. slowly but surely, I will take steps to make this happen. it took a while to rebuild a healthy relationship with food, and then a healthy relationship with my physical body. surely it will take longer to rebuild the relationship with the image and idea of my body in my mind. I think the moment I forget the image exists will be the day I manage to do so.

#hello

[clawsout83]

Chat Blanc Reaction/Analysis

I’m not used to do stuffs like that, but I think Chat Blanc has so much to talk about that it would be almost criminal not to.

Of course, !!!! SPOILERS !!!!

Long post ahead....

Ok, so Adrien’s 5th middle name apparently is Athanase, which comes from Greek Athanatos meaning “immortal” and is celebrated May 2nd. (Wikipedia)

The girls putting pressure on Marinette to declare, once again... But Mylène calling her the Goddess of Self Confidence was sweet :)

Ladybug gushing over Adrien’s stuffs in his room was kind of creepy... Well, she knows Adrien’s 5th name and wants to celebrate it. That’s cute, creepy, but cute.

Of course, she forgot the card...

Aaaannd Adrien’s brain cell finally put pieces together. But awww he’s so happy that his Lady is Marinette ! If she was Lila or a total stranger, he surely wouldn’t be THAT happy !

“It’s not because you put cheese in a box that it stops smelling !”

LoL Bunnyx calling her portal “her burrow” is so nice !

Bunnyx’s glitches was a nice touch. If she can’t fix things with Ladybug, she just can’t exist anymore...

Ok, so the bowl served to hide the future from Ladybug and Bunnyx dropped her in the future without LB knowing what happened. It’s perfect. So, the LB at the end doesn’t know who Chat Noir is and how things ended up the way they are.

“Un p’tit chat sur un toit se languit sans sa Lady” = “A little cat on a roof is bored without his Lady”

Chat Blanc’s cat puns are limitless...

I don’t know if it is sarcasm when CB says that he didn’t want to be rude when he goes for LB’s miraculous

But CB asking LB to save him is literally heartbreaking

Post-Reveal CB calling Pre-Reveal LB by her name might be destabilizing

Why does Marinette as her hair down after she gave Adrien’s gift ? I understand it is to distinguish the timelines (the current one with pigtailed Marinette and the possible one with hair-down Marinette) but still...

Oh ? So Adrien doesn’t only loves her because she’s Ladybug ? Of course, he doesn’t. He loves her since a while, he just couldn’t love two girls at the same time.

AAAAWWWW DKFJSLDJGHLAKJG The Oblivio Kiss !!!

Ouh ! Super Cataclysm ?! More like an atomic bomb !!

LoL Sabrina is actually shipping them !!

These couple scenes are any fanfic writers juice !

Got to say, they’re cute together !

“It’s our love that made this world like it is, My Lady !”

What ?! THAT’s the reason Gabe found to end their relationship ? It’s causing wrong to Gabriel brand ?! She’s the best person to understand how things work in fashion industry ! *trows Gabe in a garbage can*

Of course, the “I’ll put Adrien out of College if you don’t do what I ask for” threat... “Then make the right choice” You’re putting your son’s future into a lovesick 14yo girl’s hands....

And because Gorilla is around, she can’t tell Adrien she has been threatened by his father when she “breaks up” with him... 

“The plan” of course. Despair. Marinette being his chef-d’oeuvre. Gabe, how many times have you tried to akumatize Marinette ?

Aw ! Gorilla proving once more he is more suitable to be a better dad than Trashiel

So, CN can destroy akumas with his cataclysm without consequences ? So, if LB isn’t available, CN could save the day nonetheless ?

Oh ! CN’s soft voice when he calls her My Lady !!

MARICHAT FOR LIFE !!!

Gabe, how can you be so happy to learn that CN is your son ? You’re a crazy son of a b*tch...

Flying cataclysms ? cool !!

CB just want thing to go back to what they were. Even have a hamster !! Seriously, this is the same thing his father wants, but CB’s wish is probably more selfless than Gabe’s...

Funny how he could have just killed LB with is cataclysm, but instead, shot right at her feet, making her fall in the water to the exact point where he got akumatized...

I read some reaction about the scene when LB arrives in front of HM and her future self. Future LB wants to reach for CN, to help him. HM just protects himself when he’s the one who could make it stop in a snap of a finger.

The bunker scene... just... another heartbreaking scene. At least, Adrien wants to know, wants answers before acting, and seeing the anger, I don’t think he’s gonna side with his father anytime soon...

Ok, I know magic costumes are supposed to protect them from hits, but damn Gabe ! You hit your son like a baseball ball KNOWING he’s your son !! *trows the trashcan into a compactor*

“If she loved you as she tells, she’d let you save your mother” STFU Gabe. 

Argh... That’s how he got CN to transform... “Obey !” Gabe so much conditioned his son to obey him that CN just unconsciously had to. He just can’t fight it.

CB hesitates between LB and HM. He doesn’t want to hurt LB, he doesn’t want to disobey HM/his father, he can’t let him win, he can’t kill his own father, but the power is growing out of control and he can’t keep it in... poor kitty...

“Better destroy everything. You, me, our memories, all what’s left !” There’s nothing left to destroy. CB knows he lost everything, and because LB doesn’t want to help him - the way he wants her to - he really understand that he has nothing left to loose. 

So yeah, just destroy the universe !

It actually creeps me out to see how he calmed down when she accepts to give her miraculous. 

Ohhh ! The butterfly going to CN is just magic, and CN seems to understand what happened and to feel more in peace with it...

LB never guessing that CN knows her identity because Adrien is CN, but because Adrien might have talked and that it might have arrived to CN’s ears is just stupidly funny

“They must be really big fans of yours to know [Athanase is your 5th name] !” *sigh* My boyfriend of 10 years know for my 2nd name since a few months only... You creep me out, Marinette ! Just say you want to give Adrien gifts because you like him, don’t create reasons to do so...

Awwwww the Ladynoir ending !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She likes CN, she cares for him. He’s her friend, her partner, and knowing he’s fine and well and happy is all what matters to her. She’s not in love with him, but she like him.

In conclusion, CB was f*cked up because he was with absolutely no control. Usually, HM is behind, controlling his akumatized victims from his lair. Paris  / the world is destroyed, CB is all alone for who knows how much time and just wants LB’s earrings to fix things up. He probably won’t do it the right way since he’s not himself, but I don’t see CB as a bad person, just a broken person. 

Also, it proves that they CAN’T be together before HM has been defeated. As civilians, HM targets Marinette to akumatize her. As heroes, they can’t know each other’s identity for pretty much the same reason. 

This episode broke my heart and just made me realize how Gabe can’t be redeemed... F*CK YOU GABE *pushes the compactor’s button*

*turns to Nathalie, pointing her accusingly* Don’t worry, sweetie, you’re next...

#chat blanc #chat blanc spoilers #long post #reaction

[natsunoomoi]

Chinese Romance Novels in English

So by chance and obviously successful marketing, I’ve had a lot of web novel apps being advertised to me and out of boredom I downloaded one and got hooked real bad.

The first app I got I think I might delete because most of it seems like trash and was clearly like American wannabe writers. I kind of just read the first few chapters of one story that they happened to put into an advertised Facebook post and I just wanted to continue the story 1 or 2 chapters just to get off the cliffhanger, but the story itself actually isn’t that good and the character motivations seem kind of stupid. The main character also seems kind of like a Mary Sue where like she is just special by some huge coincidence of fate and it’s kind of annoying. Like the beginning part was alright, and then it took a sharp turn when the first guy she was into that rejected her decided for some stupid reason to challenge her new guy who accepted her and then when he claimed to not concede a fight to the death, he went absolutely apeshit and somehow it traveled into dark magic. Idek. Plus like...almost all the stories on that app for some reason have to do with wolf people and packs? Like it’s obviously some kind of trend inspired from Jacob and Twilight and I don’t even like that series. And in addition to that, it’s like on par with the famously former Twilight fanfiction 50 Shades where it has some really uncomfortable unhealthy depictions of BDSM relationships. Like it’s just kind of thrown in there for no reason...? Like whatever floats your boat, but you can totally write it in there in a more sensible way and not just like throw it in randomly. In that sense, maybe it’s actually worse than 50 Shades. Seriously a lot of the stories on there read like horribly written fanfiction by a 12 year old. I was 12 once and my stories then were no better because I had too many ideas and wanted them all in. That’s how much of a mess those stories are. This one I just mentioned is the better one. There’s another one I started reading that’s much worse that’s like a high school drama that I barely remember the story too, but I remember the person putting in a whole ton of One Direction lyrics, which I think is going to get the person and the app sued because lyrics are copyrighted and the writer shamelessly pointed out they are a Directioner and to unlock new chapters you need certain items that you can earn or buy and basically they’re definitely making money off of it.

But then similar to how I found this app, I found another app that had Chinese romance novels translated into English in the same way I found the previously mentioned app through a Facebook ad, which is cool cuz I don’t often get to read literally anything with main characters that are Chinese let alone Asian. Most of the Asian protagonist media I consume is from Japan and I just gave up on looking up anything in Chinese cuz I honestly didn’t know I could find any in English.

But damn, the quality of writing is rather good. The translations could use some work and consistency where sometimes the translator doesn’t know common English expressions or there’s grammatical mistakes in newer chapters or sometimes I think they’re speed translating too fast and accidentally mix up characters. But the story itself is top notch and suspenseful. I’ve been reading non-stop for the last week and a half and caught up and am awaiting new chapters. Sometimes there’s bits where character decisions are a little frustrating or like some of the plot twists are like again or like how come this person can’t catch a break, but I got invested in the story so quick.

There’s two in particular I’m enjoying right now. One is Irresistible Romance and the other is Thorny First Marriage on Bravonovel. It’s actually a bit pricey to charge for diamonds and pearls to continue the story, but I felt like it was worth it because I did want to read more and didn’t regret it. I actually started a third today just because I ran out of chapters in those two. Both are similar in that the male lead that the female protagonist is with or trying to get with is like a rich Chinese business man that is so well-known for their business acumen and power via their company that they can strike fear into the hearts of other people and companies. So there’s like some intrigue and like really fascinating maneuvers and media manipulation.

In Irresistible Romance, the main character is an actress that had a really shitty relationship with the loser President of her management company who was cheating on her with another actress and he had convinced his fiancee (the main character) to basically give up her life for him and help him to push the actress that he was ultimately having an affair with. The main character, Yan Wen, gives up the final straw when like he ditches her at the Marriage Registration Office for some lame excuse where he’s with his mistress and by chance the rich guy in this story shows up at the Registration Office and gets stood up by his own prospective fiancee although for him it was a random girl he picked from a pile just to satisfy his family getting on his case about not finding a wife. So basically because the main character grows a spine and decides fuck her fiance she’s not going to just take his bullshit, she asks the rich guy, Jiang Sui-an, if he’d mind marrying her. He totally accepts though and they get married on the spot. He seems at first to be kind of a cold-hearted jerk, but he’s actually super cool. Like he marries Yan Wen just to get his family off his back, but then after he does some research into his wife and finds her super interesting and as she begins her journey of trying to take back her life from her ex-fiancee and his stuck up bitch mistress, he like finds out and helps from the shadows and like realizes she’s actually super cool too. And then like through the whole process they actually fall for each other and are super sweet and have each other’s backs. They have a really beautiful and healthy relationship where they can each have their own separate lives and do their thing, but they get supported and help when needed.

It was so refreshing cuz like the rich CEO thing was like a huge fetish for sure especially after 50 Shades, but like a lot of people noted, that relationship was hella unhealthy. This story though, Sui-an lets Wen take her time fixing her career and life in her own way and like postpones announcing their marriage so she can set things right herself. He totally supports her space and her own decisions, but if he ever sees that she needs an extra boost or gets backed into a corner by some unexpected thing, he steps up and lends a hand. But ultimately he leaves everything up to her decision. And like on her end too, she’s totally a really good supportive wife and tries to make sure she doesn’t worry him too much and that he gets plenty of sleep and eats regularly, and she even tries to help him where she can with his work. They are so cute together. Along the way a lot of other people try to defame Wen or pull some shady entertainment world tactics, but she stays poised and lets the truth come out on its own or even does some defensive research and stuff. It’s so good.

Plus, writing-wise it’s really fascinating how they intertwine the online commentary tabloid headlines into the story so you can see different angles. And then when they write the antagonists’ sides they give you their internal dialog POV so you can understand the situation the best. The actual story and plot development is so good.

Then Thorny First Marriage, holy shit the intrigue. Plus for the most part, the main character is most like my personality only I’m not a former journalist. It’s just a lot of her reactions and sassy thoughts to things are really similar to me and how I feel like I would react if I was in her position. There’s a few times where she does things that I don’t think I would necessarily do or I would do things a bit more drastically, but so good and I identify with her. Writing-wise I don’t think it’s as good as Irresistible Romance because there’s been two times where they kind of forgot about something that they mentioned in an earlier chapter, so they have some issues keeping track of their plot twists, and there’s a few times where I’m reading like, “Why don’t you just tell them what happened and then they’d STFU?”

But yeah, this story starts out with the main character, Xia Zhi, waking up in the presidential suite of a hotel and not knowing how she got there and distinctly feeling like she was raped and finding some...remnants on the bed next to her. As the plot develops you find out that her asshole husband, who had never touched her himself for some reason and has the spine of jellyfish, sold her to some rich guy for 2 million bucks (she finds out later). What the actual hell? What kind of husband pimps his wife to another man?! And like she gets a pregnancy test later and somehow someone blabs to her mother-in-law and her mother-in-law totally doesn’t believe her and she knows that her son and her were never intimate, so she throws her out of the house. Then some dude that’s like some kind of secretary or assistant just comes by all stalker-like that appears to be from some rich guy that knows her and basically coerces her into going with them and going to some mystery safe house mansion. She’ll be cared for there by two staff, but she also tries to escape and find out who tf this guy is and if he’s the Dad. She still has a job and goes to work as a journalist, but gets assigned to interview some rich VP of a famous company. All the while she’s trying to get a hold of her asshole husband to find out what the hell happened to her that night she didn’t remember where she got super frickin’ drunk at his company party. This dick has been in hiding and trying to avoid her for some reason since that night and he finally calls back in the middle of her interview and because she’s freaking out about her unexplained pregnancy she unprofessionally takes the call. The rich VP, Sang Qi, ends up calling her boss and getting her fired, which I mean, obviously. That’s a thing where I probably wouldn’t have taken the call. One of the differentiating things between her and me. But how she reacts to being fired, yeah, that’s totally me. She runs into Sang Qi later at a rich people shopping mall shop and somehow manages to steal his phone and starts a plotline where she tries to use it as leverage to like get back at him and make a living for herself that also involves him being crafty and like kind of tricking her into some situations like confronting her ex-husband. And then like at some point she remembers a custom cufflink she remembered finding in the room she woke up in that one time and starts to wonder and suspect if maybe Sang Qi was the guy cuz he does have those kinds of things. And she like looks at the cufflink she has that she took from the room as evidence, but she has to do a direct comparison. He like uses GPS to find her mansion prison and tries to take back his phone and Zhi gets like even more suspicious that he is the guy cuz for some reason he knows how the balcony door at the place works even though it has a weird af lock, and they have witty banter and somehow he ends up staying over and she tries to sneak in his room at night to check out his cufflink but he catches her. And like hot damn, so much intrigue. After like a ton of frustration with trying to interrogate everyone around her about who the baby Daddy is she’s just like f it, I’m not going to be your baby incubator and tries to go get an abortion (I would’ve gone way sooner) and before they can start the procedure Sang Qi shows up and claims to be the Dad, and then afterward also takes care of her because she’s allergic to anesthetic. Since she knows who now they like stay together and stuff and she tries to question him about that night, but he actually has no memory of it either cuz he was super frickin’ drunk too. It’s just a lot of unanswered questions. And like since he’s supposedly the Dad, he tries to get closer to her, but she won’t let him really. There’s a lot of witty banter between them and like he even helps her out with her loser husband by getting him demoted. Over time they actually become fond of each other and like used to each other, and it’s really sweet. He actually is there for her and helps her on a number of occasions even though she doesn’t really trust him cuz of course he bought her right? But then little by little you see them really start to like each other and it seems like he might be more interested whereas Zhi is like more reserved because he’s her captor as far as she knows. But then just when you think that maybe they’ll get together, Qi disappears and then the process of him showing up you find out who the actual Dad is and a whole lot of family drama, and other drama where like you actually don’t know where Qi stands, and it like isn’t until like where I am that you find out he was actually upright the whole time. It’s so stressful but it’s so good.

There was a couple of times earlier one where there’s misunderstandings with other people, where I was like, dude, just tell the people your asshole husband sold you for money. I think they’d be more understanding of your situation if they knew.

And then like...for me, I like Qi and I came around to him after awhile, but like I suspected him and didn’t like him toward the beginning especially because he didn’t do or say anything that made him seem trustworthy. He never really lies except for one thing (about being the father), but also he like isn’t that truthful either, or rather, he doesn’t stop to actually explain himself properly which would have made Zhi not like freak out or mistrust him and would have made me not mistrust him. Like I shared a lot of Zhi’s fears because she was in an unfamiliar situation and being manipulated like a puppet by someone with money, and this guy claims to be the one that bought her like an object to be a baby incubator. I and the main character can’t respect that no matter how nice he is. If he admit he didn’t do it at the beginning it would have made all the difference. It’s a trek to find out who though. And at first even that guy sounds disgusting, but like where I am in the story maybe not? Like almost sympathetic.

The only one that I like really hate and disgusts me is her original husband. Like eww. He’s such a greedy asshole. And like later on you find out that actually he lied to her about how much he sold her for and it was actually more. What the actual fuck?! It wasn’t bad enough that you sold your wife for money, but you had to lie to her too about how much it was so you can hide the money from her? And for such a long frickin’ time he tried to coax her to come back and to not divorce him. What the actual hell? What kind of delusion is he living in?! But like also her original husband reminds me of someone I knew in real life when I was in uni. He was a friend of mine initially, but at some point he started making really uncomfortable jokes and it seemed like he liked me or something. I never viewed him that way, but we just hung out. And then at my uni because there was a huge rush to like try to figure out 2nd year housing, we arranged to do a co-ed roommate situation where like me and another girl and him and his friend would stay in apartment from our second year. To me that seemed normal cuz other friends of mine did that too because there’s only so many people you know and you have to try to snatch up and apply for apartments as soon as possible. There were long wait lines and I actually hadn’t thought about it until the last minute, so I didn’t see it as having much of a choice. But he started making cracks and fantasizing about neighbors and people misunderstanding and thinking we were married, which I didn’t find funny and how and why when there were other people we were living with too? It made me super uncomfortable and during the summer he was kind of like a stalker and tracking where I went so I just started avoiding him every chance I could. After awhile thinking about him made me feel physically ill. The next year after that my roommate decided to move out with two other girls into a different apartment (after unsuccessfully trying to make him leave). But the whole thing with how Zhi’s first husband was written totally reminded me of that guy. Especially with the lame excuses when confronted and stuff and not thinking and his unhealthy tie to his parents’ way of living.

That said, finding these stories are kind of like an unexpected comfort. I wish I could find someone as supportive as Sui-an or Qi. Especially when the men I’ve met in my life were just as bad as some of the other male characters or arguably worse. I’ve been bullied by the guys I fell for, I’ve liked some guys that were way too moody, I’ve had guys that liked me that were not creepy too, but I just wasn’t interested in them or the timing was just wrong, I’ve given up someone I really cared for because a mutual friend of ours crossed a line and then posthumously went kind of crazy from the grief, and I’ve met guys that were really fucking stupid and didn’t know how to act appropriately in a professional situation and actually sexually harassed and retaliated against me. I’m so tired and almost 4 years into living in Japan, I’m starting to realize that because of that last one, I think I gave up on my life because of trauma. Just hurt too many times, so don’t even think about love anymore cuz why bother? It took awhile for me to even be able to become a functioning human being again after the PTSD of harassment. I was really bad and freaking out because the guy that did it was so frickin’ stupid that he like wasn’t actually responsible enough to know the things he shouldn’t do and it was freaking me the hell out that he just didn’t know when he crossed a line. So I ran away to another country and tried to rebuild some semblance of a life for myself. Now my home country is a goddamn mess and I’d be in a worse position to go home, but at the same time, although my heart has healed enough to the point that I can function as a human. I am not at all motivated to look for anyone or let myself care for someone ever again. When I was younger I had so many dreams and really wanted a family. But now I am sad to say I have resigned myself to believing that that will probably never happen because I am apparently plagued by horrible people. I haven’t met horrible people since I’ve been in Japan, but I also don’t go out and talk to anyone other than co-workers and students because I’m busy and in my free time I want to introvert. It’d be kind of nice if I was lucky and had a kind of random chance like Yan Wen cuz like, I just can’t and don’t want to put up with low quality people.

That said, I was talking with my boss and co-worker the other day and we were discussing how China’s population problem with the bachelor society so there’s a lot of men but less available women to be their wife, so I was kind of wondering if that was also kind of how come so many modern day Chinese romance novels seem to involve a rich CEO. I suppose in China right now the chance that you could marry one is greater than anywhere else in the world because of the population problem, so maybe they’re trying to promote moving there and marrying them. LOL I’d be kind of suspicious of whether or not they’d be able to be like actually good husbands for real, but I suppose there probably is some sense of desperation.

And then because I ran out of chapters to read for today because I have to wait for them to translate more, I started another one about a Bossy Ghost Husband? It’s kind of creepy at the beginning, but the ghost husband thing has been something I was kind of curious about because you can marry the dead in China. But like for real I also wondered if youkai really are real or not and if you could unknowingly marry a youkai or something too, so basically it’s right up my alley too. And then also because my life is garbage I was like seriously thinking and wondering if it would actually be so bad to be single to the people who know you around you, but married actually to a ghost and have a ghost husband to go home to? Like would that actually be bad? I suppose in that same vein, it’s not much different from WoL having a secret relationship with Emet-Selch, but yeah.

Anyway, all of this gave me a lot to think about.

[himbohargreeves]

hallo here are the hc's i whipped up for the teacher au!! i'm sorry this turned into an essay i'm just a dumbass who loves soft teacher au a lot!!

“not sure what the others would teach in this teacher au tho-” *wakes up in the dead of night with cold sweat* *kicks down the door* I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS!!

oh boy…get ready….cause it’s A LOT

- Submitted by @katgreeves

luther: physics teacher, cause you know…spaceboy……everyone is scared at the beginning of the year when they get him as a teacher cause he’s TALL AND HUGE AS FUUUUUCK, but then fast forward two months later and everyone is chill because turns out he’s a really easygoing and soft teacher…just really socially awkward and lowkey dumb sometimes

asshole kids in his classes use his softness to his disadvantage and pull pranks on him constantly, poor guy….the other kids tho always tell them to shove it tho because he may be soft and dumb and socially awkward but he’S OUR SOFT AND DUMB AND SOCIALLY AWKWARD TEACHER DON’T TOUCH HIM!! the first time they protected him he had to remind himself not to tear up because HE FELT SO LOVED!!!! 

he gets them snacks even if they’re not supposed in the science classrooms because “eXPeriMENts and CHEmIcALsSsSsssSS!!!” and will rant for hours about space and starts and THE MOOOOON cause when he was a kid he always wanted to be an astronaut ( :’))))))) ) and his kids get fed up one day and go “why don’t you just make an astrology club mr luther????” and he does and IT’S A REAL SUCCESS WITH THE SCHOOL BODY YAY!!!

(five when he grows up also becomes a physics teacher and pesters luther all the time like “I AM 10 TIMES THE TEACHER YOU EVER WERE-” “NO YOU AREN’T STFU” and he’s technically wrong and right because material wise??? yes he’s 100% the better teacher and he always has answers to the kids questions and teaches them extra content cause he’s always been a genius but as a physics teacher that kids really like????? no siree that title goes to luther because he was a soft teddy bear to his students and they trusted him while five is eccentric and strict the the point where his kids are scared the FUCK out of him)

diego: pe teacher, SWEARS SO MUCH IN FRONT OF THE KIDS IN CLASS OMG HOW IS HE NOT FIRED YET?? is tough on the kids sometimes so push harder but IS ALSO SOFT AND REALLY ENCOURAGING THE KIDS TO WORK AND TRY THEIR BEST BECAUSE HE BELIEVES IN THEM!!! (except for the group of cocky assholes he’ll get in every class and don’t want to listen to them…he has personally removed their rights in the class)

whenever the self-defense unit comes around he’s sooooo dedicated to it and makes sure that the kids master everything to a t, cause who knows when it might come in handy??? he wants to make sure that the kids know how to protect themselves as the world is a shitty place and you never know when shit will go bad (except he does…he’s had enough bullshit and scared happen to him and has gotten involved in so many fights that he wants to make sure that the kids won’t hurt like him :“’))))))))) ) 

he’s a secret softie that will protect the kind kids that are not as good at pe and get bullied by the cocky assholes in the class becAUSE THAT’S JUST WHAT HE WOULD DO NO IM NOT SELF PROJECTING OF WHAT I WANTED OUT OF MY PE TEACHERS SHUT U-

also eudora is a pe teacher and the two of them are very competitive to be the best pe teacher and this rivalry turns into playful flirting and big ass crushes that they’re way too stubborn to admit, the entire school still ships it anyways (the entire school also ships klaus and dave because gay rights!!!!!)

allison: either school counselor or principal i can’t decide because she can be super kind and open to talk and gives advice that helps a LOT but she’s also a hbic THAT CAN AND WILL run the place. 

anyways, whatever job she has, she also helps with the drama club and school plays, and literally every year the theatre kids BEG HER to kick out the current drama teachers and replace them because allison>>>>>>>>>>>> all of the existing drama teachers there  

ben: is either a literature or philosophy teacher. super smart and knowledgable but is also really laid back and fun to talk to. he’s got a dark and snarky sense of humor and his students always have sass battles with him. the number of INSANE inside jokes his students and him share is HUGE.

HE DEMANDS THAT HIS STUDENTS PARTAKE IN READING TIME IN THE BEGINNING OF CLASS NO MATTER WHAT THEY HAVE TO DO BECAUSE READING IN AN IMPORTANT SKILL AND HOBBY FOR DEVELOPMENT AS A READER, WRITER, LEARNER, AND OVERALL PERSON AND NO AMY DON’T ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME I’M THE TEACHER HERE AND I SAID NO ELECTRONICS SO PUT THE GODDAMN PHONE AWAY BEFORE I COME OVER THERE AN-

anyways…he is really considerate to what students need and makes them as relaxed as possible because school is HELL. students LOOOOOVE HIM. HE’S THE ONE TEACHER BESIDES DAVE THAT LITERALLY EVERYONE LIKES. (highkey inspired by my philosophy and lit teachers because they’re also really smart but sassy and cool like ben and I JUST THINK THEY’RE NEAT)

vanya: strings orchestra teacher for obvious reasons. she was real shy at first when she first got hired but the the strings department at that time was soooo small and crappy that she went “oh HELL no,” rolled up her sleeves, and set to revitalize it just because she cares about music so much.

she recruited more students, got more advanced music so the kids could feel a challenge and be motivated to improve, and collaborated with the choir and band departments to provide more clubs, events and opportunities outside of class for kids to do music.

she is a no business type of teacher when it comes to arrogant people that put other players down or people who don’t practice and goof around and will snap at them SO HARD because everyone needs to be at their a game for a concert and in an orchestra no single person is bigger that the collective. she’s however SOOOO SOFT with really soft playing and shy kids because she understands how it feels when you think your playing isn’t good enough, so gives them extra help, gives them solo lines or solos to play so they gain more confidence in themselves, all while constantly giving encouraging words about how much they’ve improved that always makes them feel better and more motivated to improve.

she’s an absolute anxious and cranky maniac a week before the concert but she throws parties with food, drinks, and games afterwards to celebrate with her kids. she constantly gets them to play music related games and challenges that they do as a class for team bonding to make things more entertaining in class. she makes dumb music puns a lot too! 

she also will in the class say crazy stories of her childhood and the crazy shit she and her siblings did and then somehow always relate it back to the lesson and make it some sage advice…the kids never understand how she does it

(me???? self projecting more of my teachers into this au cause they’re cool??? more likely than you think)

also one day she chops her hair real short and cute and the conversation with her students basically went like this:

students: miss vanya you cut your hair???

vanya: yes kids I’m a lesbian

students: !!!!!!!!!!!!

vanya: ;))))))))

students: MISS VANYA SAID GAY RIGHTS!!!!

vanya: HELL YE I DID!!!

bonus grace yayyyy!!!!!: is the school nurse…she’s so sweet, so soft….has precisely whatever people need when they feel sick/injured…helps them calm down in they’re freaking out…always has a couple of beds in the nurse’s office so people can lie if they feel dizzy…gives out candy/sweets/food to people so they feel better!!

diego meets her a lot because a lot of kids in his class gets injuries and he takes them to the nurse and he jUST LOVES HER SM!!! INSTANT MOM FIGURE!! THEY TALK AND JOKE AND LAUGH TOGETHER AND GRACE WILL ALWAYS GIVE HIM A PASTRY SHE MADE WHENEVER HE COMES BY AND HE JUST IS SO SOFT AROUND HER ITS GREAT (his students find his sudden change in his demeanour amusing “hey mr diego is nurse grace your MMMmoooOoOooOOOmMMMMMMmmmmmM??” “kid your a good one but say that shit to me one more time and I will beat the sh-”)

she always has a smile on her and everyone LOVES HER…..except for the administration that always want to get her fired because they are assholes and they think she’s too weird to stay. however, every time they try to fire her, a certain teacher comes by the office for what they claim is a civil discussion...and after an hour of yelling, death threats, and the door getting 10 knife marks they go “you know what grace…you can stay" 

those assholes are persistant though, and one time though not even a certain teacher could get them away from firing her so once the news breaks out that nurse grace is leaving the whole school is FURIOUS and throws a 1 week riot and the administration get so scared and tired that they just go "OK WERE SORRY JUST KIDDIN- OK OK SHE’S STAYING FOR GOOD JESUS”

grace is so grateful that she makes a whole bunch of cake for everyone and everyone with tears in their eyes just goes “this…is why we love you sm nurse mom”

~~okkkieee that’s the end of it sorry it’s a literal essay I just got very passionate about this au lmao rip!!! I’m slowly tempted to write a fic about it even though i’ve never written a fic before in my LIFE and I already have like 3 other au fic ideas in my head already smh

#NURSE MOM #tua #katgreeves #submission #teacher au

[buzzdixonwriter]

You Don’t Say

For me, one of the unforeseen benefits of Facebook and other social media is that it gives me a chance to do rough drafts of ideas, assembling my thoughts and getting feedback before committing to more permanent form.

And sometimes, like asteroids colliding in space, two separate ideas / posts slam into one another and either create something new and unexpected, or else shatter themselves and reveal interesting aspects of their nature heretofore hidden from view.

That happened recently with a pair of Facebook posts I made on Dennis Prager and Harlan Ellison.

Let’s get the turd out of our mouth first.

. . .

Dennis Prager is a purveyor of herpetology lubricants admired by many on the right-leaning-nazi side of the spectrum, primarily because he keeps his mouth closed when chewing.  Half of what he says is repackaged self-evident truths of the “Don’t eat the yellow snow” variety, a quarter is opinions that if not startling original are at least not genuinely harmful, and the remain quarter is egregious bullshit for which he deserves a public pants down spanking.

Hmm, what?  Oh, yes; purely metaphorically, of course.

I long since wrote off Prager as a. utterer of inanities, but recently his turdmongering was forced on my attention by someone who posted a link to Prager’s argument that the “left” (i.e., basically anybody who thinks Auschwitz was a Bad Idea) is inflicting harm on both the American body politic and the universe at large by denying people like Prager the right to drop the N-bomb whenever they feel like it.

As some of you no doubt already knew, Prager is a member of what polite bigots used to refer to as “those of the Hebrew persuasion”.

That a person from an ethnicity that historically suffered hatred so vicious and specifically targeted that a special word had to be created for it (“anti-Semitism” because the original word -- “Jew-hatred” -- was too damned ugly even for bigots to use) now has his knickers in a twist because he’s “not allowed” to use the only other word of equal or greater impact -- also coined specifically by oppressors for expressing unrestrained hate and contempt against those oppressed -- is so rich in irony that all I can do is swipe a phrase from Jim Wright over at Stonekettle Station and say Dennis Prager has “all the self-awareness of a dog licking its own asshole in the middle of the street”.

First off, he’s lying: Neither the “left” nor American law prevents him from dropping the N-bomb whenever he feels like it and I invite him to go down to the intersection of Normandie and Florence in South Central and drop it at the top of his lungs for as long as he is able and please make sure to take plenty of video recorders along because I really wanna see what happens next.

Second, why the fuck would you want to say that? Seriously, other than in an evidentiary context (a cop giving testimony in court, a journalist reporting what some bigoted politician says, etc.), who today gains anything from repeating the word other than inflicting unjustified distress on people who have done nothing to deserve it?

(This is the point where a bunch of alt-right trolls are gonna jump up and say “but whatabout all the times when black people say it?” and to those trolls I’m gonna say STFU & STFD; if you can’t grasp the difference in context then you’re too damned stupid to be allowed out in public except at the end of a leash and with a ball gag in your mouth.)

It’s a word specifically created and designed to be used to brutally oppress people who did nothing to deserve that brutal oppression.  Why would anybody outside that group use it except to participate in that brutal oppression?

. . .

Least there sit any in the cheap seats who presume the above rant was targeted at Dennis Prager simply because he was Jewish, guess again, ya yutzes.

Few writers enjoyed as brilliant and as incendiary a career as Harlan Ellison, and I count myself privileged to have been one of his friends.

Ellison, as many of you know, also was Jewish, a damned tough little bastard, singled out for hatred and abuse as the only Jewish child in his backwater Ohio school, growing up with nerves & balls of chromium, a bona fide Army Ranger, and a writer so honest and fearless that when he wrote about juvenile delinquency in the 1950s he did so by infiltrating and joining a street gang to get first hand experience and insight on the kids who ran in that crowd (and as icing on the cake, James Caan played him in the TV version!).

Top that, Dennis.

Harlan’s electric eclectic career features many highpoints, but the one I want to focus on is his brief 4-year run as TV critic for the legendary Los Angeles Free Press (a.k.a. The Freep) from 1968 to 1972.  

What’s interesting is that Harlan did this while at the same time at the height of his demand as a TV writer.

You got any idea how hard it is to make a living while you’re gnawing on the hand that feeds you?

Harlan may have been crazy, but damn it, he was honest.

Back to the issue at hand.

Recently I’ve been re-reading his TV criticism columns, collected in two volumes, The Glass Teat and The Other Glass Teat.

The depressing thing is that all the evil we see today was in place back in those days, and the same smug pious frauds and their dimbulb marks kept congratulating themselves how wonderful they were as things continued to spiral out of control.

Oh, we've had good moments when we made changes that improved the lot of people who'd previously been marginalized, but the core cancer is still there. Harlan was no cock-eyed sentimentalist -- he was often filled with anger and could vent it spectacularly at deserving targets -- but he did have hope that somehow we could keep nudging the ball further towards the goal lines.

The columns make fascinating reading; they are nowhere near as dated as one might suspect. Sometimes they offer diamond-like brilliant dissections of a particular instant in the cultural gestalt, other times they examine the unseen (well, to most audiences, that is) tides of Hollywood that shape our media, sometimes he turns his attention to bear on seemingly insignificant and forgotten local programming only to show with McLuhan-esque clarity how that tiny piece of seemingly insignificant fluff is symptomatic of a much wider, much vaster, and far more serious problem.

One entry caught my eye in particular, the March 7, 1969 column on a failed ABC pilot called Those Were The Days.

Harlan sat in the studio audience watching the taping of that pilot, and his column praised the courage and insight of producers Norman Lear and Bud Yorkin, the brilliant performances of Carroll O’Connor and Jean Stapleton, and the raw honesty of the pilot’s sharp comedy and writing.

Those of you not in the cheap seats have already realized this was the second failed pilot for what would eventually become All In The Family over at CBS (there was an even earlier original pilot called Justice For All back when Archie and Edith’s last name was Justice, not Bunker.)

I remember the hoopla when All In The Family finally aired in January of 1971 as a mid-season replacement.

You might count Archie Bunker as the white Dolemite insofar as the comedy sprang from the shock of all the crude and vulgar things he said.

Lear and Yorkin were mocking that mindset, belittling bigotry, exposing the Babbittry of millions of “good” Americans who lacked either the self-awareness or the courage to take a long introspective look at themselves and realize how badly they were failing as citizens of this country.

Audiences weren’t supposed to like Archie Bunker.

And that’s where Lear and Yorkin made their fatal mistake.

No, audiences didn’t like Archie.

They loved him.

. . .

Asteroids collide, and sometimes they form new planets, and sometimes they shatter and expose what lies beneath.

Prager’s modern day Babbittry crashed into Harlan’s half-century old anti-Babbittry, and from the explosion a stark truth revealed itself.

It’s almost impossible to make an outlaw a villain in popular media.

No matter how many banks they rob, stages they hold up, sheriffs they shoot, the mere fact that somebody wrote a song / dime novel / movie about ‘em makes them into heroes.

Demi-gods.

People to be admired.

Emulated.

Professional wrestling knows this.

You can never be so big a heel that you won’t have a legion of followers.

And you can turn a heel into a baby face in the blink of an eye and none of the fans will remember the despicable acts the wrassler did just last week.

You put an Archie Bunker on TV, you do not get millions of people to recognize themselves in his hateful / hurtful behavior and change their ways.

Oh, hell no; you get millions of people to applaud him for saying and doing what they say and do in private.

And now that it’s all big and bold and brassy on TV, why it becomes even easier to say it in the privacy of your own home, then over the fence with the neighbors, then in the bar down the street, then on the street itself, and then against people who have done you no harm, who have committed no sin other than the heinous crime of not being exactly like you.

I remember watching and liking All In The Family when it first came on because I, like millions of other Americans, got the joke:  Archie was no hero.

But it wasn’t long before the voices cheering Archie began to drown out the voices laughing at him.

Lear and Yorkin tried undoing their damage with Maude and The Jeffersons and Good Times and other spinoff shows, but the bigot was out of the bottle.

Archie Bunker, even though written in a way to ridicule his use of bigotry and stereotypes, became a champion and defender of those who clung to said bigotry and stereotypes.

So tell me again why you want to drop that N-bomb, Dennis.

Explain to me -- even while you talk out of both sides of your mouth and claim even if everybody can use they word maybe they shouldn’t use the word -- how that does anything to help anybody…

…other than bigots and hate mongers.

Your argument is as circular as the thumb and forefinger gesture white supremacists use to signal one another, a gesture deliberately chosen because it lets them transgress openly by lying about the truth meaning of their gesture.

And Harlan, you were right about Those Were The Days as it began evolving into All In The Family.  Absolutely brilliant -- but absolutely deadly.

Not airing All In The Family wouldn’t have eliminated racial / ethnic / sexual prejudice in the United States…

…but it would have denied those ideas a voice.

The narcissist always proclaims, “I don’t care what they say about me so long as they spell my name right.”

Well, that’s what we got with Archie Bunker.

None of the bigots cared if we made fun of their ideas…

…just so long as they got their ideas out there.

Because ideas are made legitimate by their presence.

Now clearly, this is a bade that cuts both ways.

Ideas once unthinkable -- liberty and justice for all in the form of racial and gender equality, f’r instance -- need to be championed in public.

But we need to shout down and stamp out the bad ideas.

The United States took their foot off the neck of the defeated white racists after the end of the Civil War, and as a result jim crow came roaring back, and things did not change for millions of Americans for another entire century.

We allowed bigots and hate mongers and slavers to be whitewashed and glorified and forgiven for their crimes against humanity…

…and in the process we allowed them to continue victimizing African-Americans more and more.

Every song about the Ol’ South, every novel glorifying plantation life, every movie showing happy field hands, every statue commemorating murderous traitors as men of honor and principle, every single iteration of that idea made millions of people’s suffering not just possible but inevitable.

. . .

Now this is the point where the alt-right trolls are gonna jump up and ask “did you ever drop the N-word?”

Not in casual conversation, no.

I was born and raised in the South (Appalachia, mostly); my father’s side of the family were almost all Southerners.

Almost all.

My paternal grandmother was born and raised in New Jersey and met my grandfather when both served in the U.S. Army medical corps in WWI.  When my grandfather died in his 40s, my grandmother originally moved back to New Jersey, but her three children (dad and two aunts) felt heartbroken at having to leave their Southern cousins and friends behind so even though she carried no particular love for the South, my grandmother moved her family back and stayed there for the most of her life (she and one of my aunts moved out to California to be near us, but that’s another story for another post).

One thing my grandmother absolutely refused to tolerate was use of the N-bomb anywhere near her, especially under her roof or in the homes of her children.

This included both the -er and -ra variants, because Southern racists who didn’t want to appear as uncultured and as boorish and as bigoted as their backwoods cousins preferred the second pronunciation because they could claim they were actually speaking respectfully about “colored people”.

So I grew up in the rare white Southern home where the N-bomb merely wasn’t used, it was actually denounced as wrong.

Now, don’t go thinking my grandmother was some great paragon of virtue; she wasn’t (she was hell on wheels, in fact, but that’s another story for another post).

But she did recognize there was something wrong with the use of the N-bomb, and whether she demanded her children never use it in any form to keep them from appearing to be boorish, bigoted louts, or whether she just thought it was simple good manners of the golden rule variety not to use it, I dunno.

But I do know we never used it, and when my parents heard our neighbors or schoolmates use it, we were reminded in no uncertain terms that we were never to use it.

But that doesn’t mean I haven’t used it.

A couple of decades ago I wrote a screenplay based on the life of Robert Smalls, in particular his incredible escape from Civil War Charleston by hijacking a Confederate gunboat and sailing it right past Ft. Sumter to join the Union fleet, bringing his wife and several other escaping African-Americans with him.

As a skilled harbor pilot, Smalls enjoyed certain privileges other enslaved African-Americans didn’t.

For example, he was allowed to go about the streets of Charleston unescorted…

…provided he wore a big diamond shaped brass tag around his neck.

Like a dog.

The tag indicated to slave catcher patrols that he was one of the “good” ones, that he could be trusted because he was helping his masters in their struggle against the Union by guiding blockade runners into the safety of Charleston harbor.

But knowing Southerners the way I do, and knowing the kind of low class good ol’ boy types they recruited for such jobs, I couldn’t imagine the slave catcher patrols being particularly courteous to him, even when they knew they had to let him pass because clearly he had the protection of some high positioned muckamuck.  

And I could easily imagine them flinging the N-bomb at him with great glee, taunting him, daring him to act “uppity” so they could beat the crap out of him and teach him some manners and remind him of his place.

So I used the word in their dialog in my script.

Would I use that word today?

Probably not.

It’s not that crucial to the story, and if the viewer doesn’t grasp the concept that these are bigoted bully scum from their actions and attitude, then I’ve failed my job as a writer.

Have I ever quoted people who dropped the N-bomb?

Yeah, I have, in the past.

I’ve quoted Richard Pryor and Blazing Saddles and Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction.

I would excuse it then as the aforementioned evidentiary context but ya know what?  I don’t quote those lines anymore.

I still think Pryor is hilarious and will recommend his routines to anyone I think might be interested, but he as a member of the African-American community at large (because like any other ethnic group, African-Americans have numerous sub-cultures and sub-communities among them), he could say things in a way neither I nor any other white person could say them.

(And, yeah, there’s a big debate going on to this very day among African-Americans about the appropriateness of that word and you know what?  Whatever decision African-Americans reach for themselves is their business and should not involve any input whatsoever from we white folk; we not only can’t use the word, we can’t even comment on how they choose to use it.  Period.  Full stop.)

Blazing Saddles when it came out used the N-bomb to be deliberately transgressive, to make a sympathetic point re how unfairly African-Americans were treated.

All well and good.

But nine years earlier there had been a movie called A Patch Of Blue and while it wasn’t a raucous comedy like Blazing Saddles it tried making a point about race relations in America and it was a really. Really good movie and it made some important points but today is virtually unwatchable not because of any flaws in it but because the times have changed.

Ditto Blazing Saddles.

We don’t need to approach the problem that way any more.

Quentin Tarantino?  I really like what he does as a director and a screenwriter but his use of the N-bomb to show us how transgressive his characters are is really shallow.  I have a strong feeling his movies are going to be considered embarrassingly passé’ in a generation or two, much the same way as benign-yet-stereotypical characters in 1940s movies render many of them passé’ today.  

Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction lose nothing by changing the N-word to something else.  

Maybe an argument could be made for its use in Django Unchained or The Hateful 8 but even there I think substituting another word wouldn’t significantly change the tenor or tone of either movie.

So I stop quoting those lines from Tarantino’s films, at least not fully.

I can admire his skill / talent / craft without signing off on his problematic elements.

Let me offer an analogy: If a creator can get the same dramatic effect by pretending to shoot somebody but not actually blasting them with a gun, then they can get the same dramatic effect by using something evocative of the N-bomb without actually dropping it.

(By the way, for those who may be curious, my mother was from Naples and a bona fide card carrying member of Mussolini’s Fascist Youth Brigade, but that’s another story for another post.)

. . .

We are plunging into a new cultural conflict -- and while I think there will be violence, I don’t see it being violence on the scale or level of political organization as the Civil War -- and we can only win by refusing to let the bigots and the hate mongers spew their bullshit in the marketplace of ideas.

There is no compromise with an oppressor.

Stand up to it every time you encounter it.

Make it unthinkable, never acceptable. 

  © Buzz Dixon

#racism #race relations #morals #ethics #Harlan Ellison #Dennis Prager #N-bomb

[prettygirlseat]

TW.

Guys for anyone who follows me with disordered eating habits, anyone who’s in recovery, or anyone who may be triggered by this, i want to first put out a warning. i will be talking about eating disorders, binging, food, calories, and other diet-related topics. please read at your own risk.

So. I finally watched Shane Dawson’s “The Return of Eugenia Cooney”, and... wow. First, I had never heard of her before his video; I may have seen pictures here and there on Tumblr or other sites but I never knew who she really was.

At first I was incredibly triggered, and within 3 minutes into the actual video, I had to pause it and catch my breath because I (not expecting to see what I was seeing) was not mentally prepared to watch a video like this. That being said, the video was very good, but that’s not why I’m making this post.

If you’ve been following me since BEFORE I was even in recover and I was a thinspo account, you’d know that, mentally, I was incredibly sick. I remember seeing one of my old posts a few months ago where I documented what I ate that day, and I only had eaten 500calories. At the darkest part of my eating disorder, which has yet to be professionally diagnosed (for reasons I’ll get into in a second), I struggled to eat, my hair would fall out in large clumps, I’d have bruises everywhere from lack of iron, my skin would be dry and flakey, and I would be cold in 80 degree weather.

I suffered from disordered eating habits my whole life. Blame it on partly my problem with certain foods (food aversion & sensory processing, which led me to eat a very little variety of foods), growing up poor and not being able to afford the luxury of some foods, my mom’s lack of knowledge about nutrition, and other mental factors like family life and other mental illnesses. However, things got progressively worse for me when I was in 7th grade (about 10 or 11 years old); that’s when I first noticed I was beginning to purposely eat less and less food OR I’d easily eat an entire tub of cheese balls in the span of 2 or 3 days.

When I got to high school, I started doing cheerleading, and this was a problem because cheerleading is the type of sport (yes sport, stfu) where certain things are dictated by your “size” aka how much you weigh. If you were lighter/smaller, you’d be a flyer, which meant you’d be the girl in the air. If you were heavier/bigger, you’d be the girls holding the flyer in the air, etc. Well, ever since I could remember, I wanted to be a flyer so bad, but I was never small enough. I wanted to be thin so that I could be the girl in the air. Not to mention the small uniforms with the tiny skirt and little top made it harder as well because I wanted to look good, I wanted to feel cute and “small” in my uniform.

When I turned 15, though, that’s when things peaked for me, in terms of my eating disorder’s severity. I had begun losing a lot of weight, I was in love with a boy at the time who didn’t love me back, and my sick brain convinced me that if I was thinner, maybe he’d like me. *spoiler alert: he didnt* So yeah, I was losing weight, going to the gym everyday, binge every few days, and I even created what I called a “thinspo” diary to keep track of what I was doing. AND. I made a thinspo account on Tumblr. hence how this account was originally born.

The more weight I started to lose, the more compliments I received, which motivated me to lose even more weight. However, by the time I was 17, I had met a girl that had just moved to my school and was a “friend of a friend”. She was also suffering from an eating disorder, and she was in the process of getting help. With her encouragement and the encouragement of recovery blogs on Tumblr and my own desire to escape the hell of my ED, I finally went into self-recovery (because, keep in mind, I had never been properly diagnosed by a doctor and since no one in my family knew what was going on).

Self-recovery, first off, was the hardest thing I’ve ever done (and still fight with every single day). If you or someone you know is in self-recovery give yourself/them some love and encouragement because truly I feel like no one understands how hard it is to pull yourself out of the pits of hell all on your own. With that being said, I was struggling for awhile with my recovery at this point. Now, fast forward to February 2018 (I was a senior in high school), I had caught the flu. Left me unable to hold down food or water for 2 days. I was sent to the hospital because I had thrown up 7 times in 10 hours, which doesn’t seem like a lot maybe but let me tell you that was the worst physical illness I had to endure, and I was sick for 2 weeks.

During these 2 weeks, I could eat maybe a sleeve of crackers and a can of coke if I was lucky. I was at a very low place mentally, and overall I was just miserable. I had been attempting recovery for a few months at this point, and I was seriously struggling. So, like any logical person would do, I tried to reach out to people for help. I decided it was finally time I come clean to my mom about my illness. I was laying in bed and I had gotten up to go talk to my mom, who was doing dishes in the kitchen. I walk up to her and, meekly (which is something I’m NOT in the slightest) tell her I might be sick with an eating disorder, and that I thought I needed help. She, who worked as an Emergency Room technician and had treated patients with stabbings and gun shot wounds, told me that 1. I was not thin enough to have an eating disorder (because technically I was at an average weight for my height) and 2. she knows me well enough to know when I’m sick and that I’m not actually sick.

As someone who struggles with any mental illness, but especially an eating disorder, all you want is someone to recognize you, validate you, and give you reassurance. In this moment, I knew I would never get any of those things from my mom about my illness. And this may sound dramatic to some people, but I think a part of myself died that night. Because that wasn’t the first time I had gone to my mother for help, and time and time again she had either outright denied my need for assistance or had said she’d get me help and just never did. And I still remember how devastated I felt in that moment, and I know there will permanently be rift in her and I’s relationship. It’s something I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive her for; when I was at the absolute worst and practically begging for someone to give a fuck, she turned her back on me and left me to basically fend for myself.

I’m finally happy to report, that as of July 2019, I am the happiest and most at peace I’ve ever been in my whole life. I’m recovering/recovered, I’m physically healthy, I have recently met some of the greatest people that are now in my life, and I finally feel like I got away from the grips of my ED. I’m not sure why I made this post, to be honest, but I’ve been struggling a little bit wit body dismorphia, positivity, self love, and everything else. After watching Shane Dawson’s video on Eugenia Cloony, it really put things into perspective of my own journey and how far I’ve come and how genuinely happy I am. I, like every other person on the planet, have many things I could improve upon, but I am so proud of where I am now. Shane’s video was triggering, but I needed to watch it to remind myself that: 1. I don’t want to die 2. I don’t want to be skeletal 3. I don’t want the people around me to fear for my life 4. I want to enjoy life, enjoy food, and just be happy 5. I am so much more than this body. I have passions, dreams, fears, goals, just like any other person.

If you think you can handle it, I recommend watching Shane’s video because it does shed a little light into the mind of someone with an eating disorder and how they can twist your life and perception. If you read all the way through this, thank you so much. Maybe this helped you, I’m not sure. But I’m glad I have this outlet to share my feelings and personal accounts, if for nothing else, than to just get these feelings off my chest; I don’t even care if no one reads this. But anyway, please know that my messages are always open if you’re struggling or you wanna talk or you need advice or even you just wanna send memes and gifs. I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your day.

#personal #me #tw death #tw thinspo #tw eating disorders #food tw #food #tw calories #calories #recovery #shane dawson #eugenia cooney #binge tw #tw body image #tw body dysmorphia #tw weight #tw hospital

[thehomierobbstark]

Let’s Talk About Sex

Chapter 2 Intermission Chapter 3

Pairing: Erik Killmonger x Reader [#TeamErikDon’tDateWhiteChicks]

Prompt: Aight, so iOKnoW bout yall but… I got some mad ‘fears’ about sex 😂😂😂. I got so many questions, so many horrible imaginations, so many embarrassing ass scenarios I’ve thought of in my head about what might happen when I finally do the do. Basically, ya girl been thankin (thinking) too much, and I done fucked around and thought up this shit. HUUUUGEEE shoutout to the BP groupchat for not only always keeping me entertained but for feelin me on this fic lmao. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who feel this way. Also shoutout to Poosy for her word contribution lmao.

A/N:  Ya’ll…. this really the shit that be going thru my mind lmfao like this really what I think about XD. I tried color coding the dialogue because I thought it would be too confusing but then I failed so fuck it XD. Also, it may seem like some of the words are grammatically incorrect or misspelled n the dialogue but it’s because I wanted you to read it like you would a text or message to better understand the delivery.

Warnings: At the bottom 👇🏿👇🏿👇🏿n uhhhhh yeah sit back and enjoy the journey 😂😂😂😂

This is for all my lil cute ass black gorditas out there rockin back fat, belly rolls and thick ass thighs that touch!!  x Reader is always gon be black, chubby, and sassy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Okayyy… you ready?”

“Yeah, I’m ready.” You fidget nervously, fingers sweating between the joints, your heart skipping beats while you keep your eyes locked with Erik’s.

“Alright on three. One…two…three!”

At the same time, both of you flip over your papers, holding them out in front of you to show each other.

Your eyes eagerly scan over Erik’s paper, mind quickly gobbling up all the information the printed form had to offer you.

Your brain checked off each result as it read through:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Patient: STEVENS, ERIK        Gender: MALE        Age: 26       DOB: 08/16/1992

COMPREHENSIVE STD PANEL RESULTS:

CHLAMYDIA                                    NEGATIVE

GONORRHEA                                  NEGATIVE

HIV TYPE 1                                      NON -REACTIVE

HIV  TYPE 2                                     NON -REACTIVE

HERPES TYPE 1                              NEGATIVE

HERPES TYPE 2                              NEGATIVE

SYPHILIS RPR                                 NEGATIVE

HEPATITIS A VIRUS ANITBODY      NON -REACTIVE

HEPATITIS B VIRUS ANTIBODY      NON -REACTIVE

HEPATITIS C VIRUS ANTIBODY      NON -REACTIVE

Thank you for choosing Planned Parenthood.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A huge sigh of relief releases from your chest, sounding like a gush of wind as it escapes through your lips.

“Oh okay, so thats how u feel,” Erik griped, giving you a side eye look.

You ignore him, not even bothering to look for his reaction at your results, knowing they were all negative like you both knew they’d be.

Just as quickly as it left, your anxiety came rearing back as you snatched his test from his hands to take a closer look, eyes wide. “Wait! What does Non - Reactive mean?!”

“So you just gon ignore me then.”

“That means negative right? Where’s my phone!” your hands swing out to the sides to blindly feel around the couch before scooping up your device.

“-_____- really.”

“Okay! Okay, google says a non-reactive result means…” You mumbled over the quick-definition google supplied as you looked for the important bits, scanning between the paper and your phone. “ … and that no anti-bodies were found! So no!”

“Omg.”

You do a little happy dance as you double check to make sure all five tests define non reactive in the same way while Erik rolls his eyes.

“Y/N you fr googled that.”

“Yes nigga! Sexual health is important and I wanna make sure I’m clear and confident in my understanding of the results!”

“Okay, well, you makin a nigga feel bad n shit gettin all worried over his test results. What, you don’t trust me baby?” Erik looks at you, and his face is pouted downcast, almost looking like a adorably sad pitbull.

“Aww baby no!” You deny, immediately throwing your arms around him to comfort him, pecking his forehead with annoying kisses as you smush his face into your chest. He grumbly accepts your kisses, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“But I mean…. you was kinda a thotpocket back in the day tho..” You joke, shrugging, and he playfully pushes you back and sucks his teeth.

“Mann stfu.  You just acting all extra cuz your body count lower.”

“Erik, for the last time, I’ve never had sex before.” You say, crossing your arms to help your statement seem more serious than you felt. Erik was always messing with you, saying he couldn’t believe that you’d never had sex before at 25, and that there was just no way.

“Nah.” He states simply.

Your neck reels back a little bit.

“Wachu mean Nah??” You get ready to defend your undefiled past and the normalcy of 20+ virgins when he leans forward to nibble on your neck, distracting you.

“I mean..” He pulls your waist against him and reaches back to grab two handfuls of ass as he keeps nibbling.

“…nah, ain’t no fuckin way you this damn fine and you ain’t ever had nobody at least worship for hours between these thighs.” He rubs all over you, fingers gliding across the beautiful curves and body rolls that covered your voluptuous frame as he presses hungry kisses with delicious pressure against your throat.

“Nigga, you’re corny as fuck.” you try to insult him, but he gives a fat wet lick right above your collarbone that feels so good, and he squeezes your ass at the breathy moan that slips out of your mouth.

He pauses his ministrations on your body and pulls back from you, chuckling and shaking his head a little before resting his forehead against yours.

“What?” You ask him, thinking he’s poking fun at you. While you may have technically been a virgin, you and Erik had definitely been routinely messing around a lot.

In between your latest heavy petting and make out sessions, Erik had a bet going to see how quickly he could get you to moan without sticking his hands down your pants. He bet 30 seconds, you bet 45. So far you hadn’t been able to make it past 38.

“You’re the horniest, freakiest, yet most innocent virgin I’ve ever met.”

A part of you wanted to ask just how many virgins he’d met, but you decided to nip your jealous possessive side in the bud before it could get the better of you. It wasn’t time for her right now.

He leans back to look you in the face, his eyes pulling at the corners exposing the teasing smile he was trying to hide.

“Umm excuse me?! What do you mean innocent? If I recall correctly, didn’t I just have you creaming your bitch ass pants the other week from just grinding on you?” You throw at him, triumphantly crossing your arms and looking down at him.

“Why they gotta be bitch ass tho.”

When you’re heavy petting session last week had suddenly turned into a full blown dry grinding competition, Erik had been so caught off guard by the intensity he actually came all over himself inside his brand new black velvet joggers he’d just bought (in your defense, the velvet did feel really nice against the thong you had on).

The bewildered look on his face made you laugh so hard, you actually keeled over and fell off the arm of the couch.  He was over it at that point, storming off to the bathroom muttering threats about ‘getting that ass back,”, hence the bet you were currently losing.

“Also, lets not act like you not the same girl who can’t even watch male masturbation videos without making a face.”

“First of all there’s nothing sexy about seeing a dude jack off, so you can stop right there.”

“That’s because you’ve never seen ME jack off.” He jokes crudely. “Bet money I’d have your mouth watering within the first five strokes.”

“Probably watering because I’m bout to throw up,” You giggle childishly, a goofy grin on your face.

“Aight Y/N, you keep talking all that shit and we gon see who really still bout that action once I get them panties off.”

Your giggles come to a screeching halt as you gasp, and he buries his teeth in the side of your neck, his hands starting to wonder down south into the back of your compression shorts.  

You fight hard not to moan again this time while he chews lightly on your neck when you suddenly start to feel self conscious.

You unconsciously start squirming around on top of him, both in pleasure and slight confusion as he massages your cheeks, one in each hand, pulling and scrunching them between his fingers.  Your anxiety starts to slowly creep back up on you, and when he draws a line with his finger down your panties between your cheeks, you involuntarily clench up and yelp just as he reaches your taint. The feeling was stuck somewhere being too good yet too much at the same time. You damn near squeezed his finger to death before it could even reach its destination.

“Okay look,” you pull back, trying to reason with both him and your body. You didn’t mean to get jumpy all of a sudden but it’s like your muscles had a mind of their own.

“Baby wassup?” He immediately stops his movements and pulls his hands from you. “Did I hurt you?!” He immediately switched over from his sexually deviant demeanor to his overprotective one, concern lining his face.

“No, no baby your fine I’m just,” You blow out a breath, a little embarrassed by how twitchy you just got, and you try to shake it off by laughing at yourself.

It’s not like Erik had never groped you there before, but for some reason it felt 10x more serious now that you both basically had the green light since you’d received your test results back.

You knew both of you would almost immediately try to jump each other’s bones once you’d get the chance, but now that it was here it’s like the part of your brain that was previously occupied with worries of false negatives and unclear test results had been replaced with insecurities you didn’t even realize you had until this very moment.

“What? You good?” Erik was still studying your face, trying to see where your head was at.

“Yeah, yeah, no I’m good,” You close your eyes and nod quickly, “I just…umm…”, you’re face grows hot as you try to get out the next words, “.. I just got a little…. nervous…??” You peek an eye open. “I guess???”

You were trying so hard to relax and let go of your anxiety, but you just couldn’t stop feeling so nervous.  Especially not when you started to worry about what he might think about it.

“Can I uh.. maybe take a shower first? Or something?” You said trying to gear the conversation back into a normal flow. If you could just take a shower real quick…

“Yeah, of course, but what’s this about?” He still looked at you, eyeing you cautiously.

“I just don’t feel clean right now,” you say, making up excuses trying to find a way out of his wandering hands.

“Y/N, I just finished rubbing your clit in the car ride over here, what do you mean you’re not clean? Are you worried that I’m worried about that?” he asks you, not believing you’re serious about this.

“I meannn, it’s been like 30 minutes tho.” You lie.

“Y/N, I don’t care about that. I’m tryna see how you taste now and then. I don’t care if you still have cum on you, I’m eating that too.”

“Okay well I have to go to the bathroom, so..” You try to move off of him and onto the floor but he holds you still, not letting you escape.

Erik sighs. “Y/N, whats really goin on? It’s okay, you can tell me.” His eyes shift between yours like he’s trying to find the answer. “If you’re not ready to have sex yet, that’s okay. We don’t have to do this today baby.” He rubs at your legs tenderly, trying to comfort you.

“No, it’s not that, I just…” He raises his eyebrows expectantly, waiting for your next words. “I wanted to shave first. Because I have hair.”

He raises an eyebrow at you. “Shave? I just felt how trimmed you were-”

“Not that part.” You state plainly, hoping he’d catch your drift but have enough decency not to make it too obvious once he did.

“Y/N, I swear to god if you say legs I’m gonna-”

“Oh my God Erik my asshole, okay! I need to shave my asshole!” Your face is burning now from the embarrassment of having to say that out loud to your boyfriend and you feel like melting right into the couch into a puddle of nothingness.

The silence only lasts two seconds, but its one second too long for you and you try and scramble off his lap to go hide in the bathroom in shame. A gigantic bark of laughter breaks through from Erik’s chest, and it scares the life out of you, causing you to accidentally stumble onto the floor.

Erik’s doubled over in laughter now, tears threatening his eyes and you almost think he’s laughing at you when he rolls off the couch after you, laying his heavy body on top of yours and pinning you to the floor to keep you from getting away. He gets his last bits of laughter out with his face buried in your middle, and when he finally calms down he looks up, resting his chin on your torso.

“Y/N,” He states, looking at you.

“Erik.” you answer, avoiding his eyes.

“Y/N.” He leans in closer to you.

You clear your throat, still looking off somewhere else. “What Erik.”

“Do you really honestly think that some ass hair is gonna gross me out. Do you really think that?” He’s still smiling, looking at you with so much amusement and pure love in his eyes.

When he puts it that way, it makes you feel a little ridiculous thinking about how weird you just got over body hair.

“I mean… kinda?” You say honestly, and you finally look back at him.

“I know it seems stupid but I feel like thats not..”

“Normal?” He supplies for you. You nod your head in agreement.

“Baby,” he softly says, “Ass hair is totally normal. You know that.”

You did. “But I still feel like no one ever talks about it, and you never see it in porn. Not even the homemade ones.” Yeah sure it was normal but it still felt like this dirty ugly thing no one was supposed to speak about.

“Babygirl a lot of people have ass hair. Shit, I have ass hair. Most of the girls I’ve been with had ass hair.” He chuckles again a little, comfortable with the topic you were so afraid was gonna be awkward.

Your ears prick up at his last sentence, and you lean up a little bit. Something he said caught your attention and you looked at him intently.

“Really?” You ask, looking him in the eyes.

“Really what?” He looks at you confused.

“Really, most of the girls you’ve been with had ass hair?” You look up at him, so shocked.

“Yeah. And the ones who didn’t were always waxed anyway. I promise you baby, its not a weird thing.” He assures you, trying to make sure you really understood him.

You sat there for a second, looking off into space as your thoughts started working. And then just like that, your mind all but cleared itself as realization finally dawned on you. And you started laughing.

Not a single part of you could really care how many chicks Erik had slept with, you were just so glad that almost all of them had ass hair just like you did. You were honestly so grateful that he told you that last part, otherwise you would have never been sure whether or not you really believed him when he said it didn’t bother him.

In this one, small, truly insignificant instance with Erik, you were for once really glad you weren’t an exception to the rule.

Erik joins in your humble laughter, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips. You close your eyes and kiss back, returning it with softer slower kisses as you wrap your arms around his neck and hold him close.

After a minute he breaks away, letting his forehead rest against yours.

“I really love you Y/N. And the fact that you want me to be the one to share this experience with you makes me feel really lucky,”. He rolls you both over onto your side on the floor, giving your body a break from his heavy frame, and to be able to look at you better.

“I’d never jeopardize what we have for something as trivial as body hair.  I mean, sometimes I still can’t even believe that I really get to call you all mine, and I just refuse to believe that nobody else has been able to see what’s been so obvious to me from the beginning.”

Erik shuffles around nervously under your gaze, and this time he’s the one trying to avoid your eyes. You could tell he was in a really vulnerable state, not only from his body language but also with how he was trying to verbally express himself. It was always really difficult for the both of you to say how you felt about each other, not because you didn’t know the words, but because for some reason they always seemed to sound wrong in your ears once they came out your mouth.

You, however, knew exactly what he was trying to say, because he’d said it before. Not with words, but with actions.

Ever since Erik met you a year ago he’d done just about everything he could think of to let you know that he was all about you. Constant flirting, unexpected phone calls, surprise gifts to let you know he was thinking of you. It had thrown you off at first because you’d never been in a relationship before, so you couldn’t figure out if he was playing with you or not.

It took three whole months of nearly daily texting, dinner dates, late night car drives and ugly pre-work facetime calls (he swears you always looked beautiful, but the never ending eye crust you were always finding kept you second guessing) for you to finally take him seriously.

After a long conversation with yourself about taking chances and ‘trusting the universe’, you let yourself fall head first into the completely new experience of a relationship with Erik. You were determined to come out the other side just as soft and open-hearted as you were going into it, refusing to let whatever experience you had turn you cold to the idea of romantic love.

And so far, the experience had been everything you could’ve hoped for, and so much more.

Sure, there were bad days, and you were still too stubborn and he was too bossy and you both definitely needed to learn to listen more. But you were sohappy. And for the first time, you felt something with him you hadn’t been able to feel in a really long time. You felt secure.

So Erik didn’t need to say anything else, because you already knew exactly what he what he was trying to say.

He shifted his eyes again, about to open his mouth to try again and clarify when you cup his face in your hand, running a thumb over his lips to shush him.

“It’s okay Erik. I know.”

And you did.

The truth was, before him, you’d never really let anyone get close enough to try and be with you in a romantic way. You were always brushing off advances you thought were too good to be true and downplaying the other person’s feelings, no matter how hard you felt yours.  For a long time you thought that maybe you weren’t supposed to end up with anyone at all, and that your life journey was supposed to be about learning how to be on your own instead or something.

While you didn’t consider romance to be a super important part of life, you always wondered if maybe there was something that you were missing out on. You almost felt broken sometimes, like maybe there was just something about you that made you unworthy of being loved and cherished the way you saw your friends and family being by their significant others.

It took a lot of hard work and self reflection for you to finally get away from your negative thoughts, and you still struggled from time to time, but you were doing a lot better.

Being with Erik didn’t solve your problems, or cure your self doubt, or make you feel ‘complete’, but it did make you feel really warm and safe inside, and neither of you were willing to give up that feeling.

So he was right. He really did get to call you all his in every sense of the word. You took a chance on love, and you were lucky enough to fall into it with someone who shared just as much passion as you did. You’d be crazy not to give something like that your all.

Both of you lay there on the floor, looking into each others eyes with a level of understanding and comfort you weren’t sure you’d ever be able to truly explain. He holds your hand drawing heart shapes into your palm, the only sound being your favorite Spotify playlist that you didn’t realize was playing off in the background somewhere.

You’d been working on that playlist since before you even met Erik, song choices ranging from early 70′s love songs to present day baby makers. It was your sex playlist.  Even if you weren’t in the mood most of your favorite songs were on there.

“When did it start playing music?” your eyebrows furrow in confusion, peeking around for the source of the speakers.

“When I was trying to seduce your jumpy ass on the couch,” he answers matter-of-factly.

“N’Jadaka Stevens, were you trying to woo me?!” You tease him, poking at his stomach trying to tickle him a little bit.

He suck his teeth, caught. “Ok, maybe I was. So what?’

“Awww…” you say dramatically, making a show of it. You pause for a second “… gay ass.”

He laughs, mushing your face away, grinning like a little boy.

“Whatever. Shut your goofy ass up and come over here and lose this bet again.” He says, fake annoyed, and gets up to sit back on the couch, pulling you with him. You settle into his lap, resting your arms in place around his shoulders.

He starts placing soft kisses on your shoulders, starting off slowly. You already knew how this was gonna go and you throw your head back, whining.

“Ugh, I’m tired of losing this game dammit,” You huff to cover up the moan you already felt creeping up your throat. “Can’t we just skip to the fun part pleasee?”

You amp it up a little by plastering on an obnoxiously toothy smile, and he purposely ignores you to keep from faltering under your heart-melting grin.

“Mmmm…” He fake thinks about it for a moment, moving his lips up to the crook of your neck to tickle you with the vibrations. “No.”

Before you even get the chance to pout he scoops up your face in his hand, squeezing a little to make your lips poke out cutely.

“Nuh-uh. Don’t even start that shit.” He deadpans. “If you want me to fuck you, you need to open up your mouth and say it.  Otherwise sit back and hush and let me warm up my dinner.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Warnings: A lil cheesy, a lil corny, a lil cliché, a lil fluffy. Just a lil of errthang XD. Also! Dare I say… romance?!?! (O.o)

Oh yeah this is a new series. Did I forget to mention that?

“Homie, how tf you gonna make a whole new series and you can’t even finish the ones you ha-”

Hush now child.

#lets not drag me for something i can't explain XD XD XD XD #erik killmonger #erik killmonger x reader #erik killmonger x black!reader #black panther #bp #black panther fanfiction #black panther fandom #TheHomieFics #l.t.a.s.

[fvthomsbclow]

COURTNEY EATON,  GENDERFLUID,  THEY/THEM.  —  looks  like  LUKE ANDERSEN is  attending   AURORIA UNIVERSITY  in  auradon.  they're  the  TWENTY year  old  child  of  ARIEL & ERIC ( * adoptive ! ) ,  which  means  they're  from  ATLANTICA.  heard  they're  HONEST  &  CRAFTY,  but  can  also  be  EASILY DISTRACTED &  SELF-SERVING  ;  we all have our bad days.  people  normally  associate  them  with  LOOSE WHITE SHIRTS BLOWING IN THE BREEZE, WHISPY BRAIDS OF DARK HAIR, STANDING ON A BEACH IN THE MIDDLE OF A STORM, CRASHING WAVES ALONG THE DECK OF A SHIP.  —  hylia,  9teen,  est,  she & they.

                                 when i’m sad , oh god i’m sad ,                                  but when i’m happy, i am happy                                  and there’s just no place in-between                                  for us to meet.                                  playlist. pinterest. to listen as you read.

howdy folks !! so my name is HYLIA , and I’m here to play the sailor datemate of my dreams , LUKE ANDERSEN. I’m still sort of getting the hang of them since they’re a very new character , so I’m sorry if this intro is all over the place !! No TWS for now save for mentions of death , the ocean , and drowning. Hopefully this isn’t too messy ! 

HISTORY

So Luke is adopted - the child of one of King triton’s servants who passed away from illness. Originally , Triton was going to take them in himself , but instead , Ariel volunteered to care for the little merbaby and raised them as her own. As a result , Triton gave Luke the ability to grow legs on dry land as well as a tail when touched by large amounts of saltwater.

But , they weren’t told of their true heritage as a child. So they believed they were a human for the longest time.

They grew up loving both of their parents to the max but it was DEFINITELY evident they took after Eric more so. They wanted to travel , wanted to explore - and their dad , with his ship and naval prowess , was their hero. So from a very young age , they would accompany their dad on his travels.

It went to the point in which they were taught to pilot a ship themselves - and they even asked for one for their sixteenth birthday. Nothing else , just a vessel of their own. And they got one , naming it The Queen Jocasta. 

First voyage on The Queen Jocasta resulted in an attack by pirates - sixteen year-old Luke tossed off the side of the ship , thinking they were about to drown. But , that power they were unaware of for all this time shifted their legs into a tail , and at that point they realized , Wow , Mom and Dad really haven’t told me SHIT. 

So that was when they were explained that yeah , they were originally born a mermaid , and yeah , they were royalty both on the surface and under the sea. And that prompted Luke to spend a year in the ocean to get to know their mother’s family - returning to the surface to finish their time in Auradon Prep afterwards. This meant they graduated a year later at nineteen. 

And then when that was over , Luke decided ‘ hey, I’m gonna take a trip all around Auradon by BOAT ’ since... that’s their brand , and spent another year just sailing around the different parts of Auradon ( and on the outside of it ) for the fun of it. They’re only just now getting back to Auradon to attend Auroria. 

PERSONALITY & FACTS

So one may describe Luke as an ‘old soul’ - they’re very laid back and relaxed , for the most part , keen on their interests and someone who really seems to know a lot beyond how old they are.

Extremely intelligent - there’s a rumor going around that Luke has an eidetic memory , but they won’t confirm or deny it. ( It’s true. )

OBVIOUSLY AGAIN, OCEAN CHILD. Luke loves the ocean and always hangs out on beaches or the docks if they’re not on their actual boat. Because Luke doesn’t have a dorm - no , Luke sleeps on The Queen Jocasta in their cabin. Captain’s quarters and all that. 

They love traveling just for the sake of traveling , and they can read a map like it’s nobody’s business.

Big into the classics like art and music DESPITE the fact they can’t paint , draw - but they can carry a tune well and for that reason , they play guitar nicely. 

Honestly they’re smart and into the classics and shit but also this can come off as slightly pretentious since they don’t hesitate to remind people how good of a thinker they are - they don’t say it , but they show it. 

Also they know how to dance , taking ballet classes when they were younger !! It’s just not something they remind anyone of much.

One more class they took was swordfighting in attempts to learn how to defend themselves . . . and yes , they’re great at it. Scary great.

In terms of a more direct description of their PERSONALITY , Luke tends to approach situations with again , a very laid back attitude but also one that’s brutally honest. They will let you know if they’re pissed off with you and . . . do have a bit of a temper when their nerves are ticked. Luke’s also got a bit of a dangerous tendency to always think they’re on their own and look after number one ( themselves ) and forgets that they can lean on other people for help. This doesn’t mean they don’t care about their allies - no , they greatly care about them. But Luke’s sort of used to being a mysterious , aloof , brooding traveler that they often forget they now have people they can confide in. 

They’ll do things that perk their interest - Luke really isn’t going to go out of their way for something unless there’s either something in it for them or they have a personal interest. Also , if they care for the person , but yeah.

There’s a slight cynical streak to them for no other reason than the fact they just always think they have to watch their back - and for the fact people have secrets , like their parents keeping the secret they were a mermaid for a good portion of their life. 

I promise they’re not a conceited selfish prick Luke is just VERY . . . aloof. I know I said that before but they’re distant and sort of keep to themselves and what they want. 

Their opinion on the villains and heroes coming together is that they really . . . couldn’t care less. They never were really one to focus too much on the Auradon vs. Isle debacle anyway , but also - they can understand why some VKs are pissed. BUT , since this is Luke we’re talking about - that doesn’t mean they’re going to be exceptionally nice to the villain kids , treating them the same as Auradonian kids - casually , trying to get a read on them , probably the same aloof & ‘I could care less’ demeanor they normally keep up. 

Also I should mention !! Luke is genderfluid , preferring they/them pronouns like stated before - but when addressing them with their royal title , they prefer to be addressed by the title of Prince. But Captain is even more so preferred. 

Captain Luke Andersen just sounds like BDE I’m ,

Listen I love them so much they’re the myserious captain datemate of my dREAAMS

WANTED PLOTS & CONNECTIONS

OKAY SO. When the main puts up their WC page I will be submitting this one but I’d love an ARRANGED MARRIAGE plot for Luke. Basically , arranged while Luke was away traveling - they could either already know this person or are just meeting them now , but they’re not too keen on the idea of arranged marriage but aren’t really doing anything to fight it since it is what it is. They can either get along or hate each other , be best buddies or the like , but I think it’d be so funny if Luke - a wayward soul - was supposed to be arranged to marry someone who always has to make sure they’re not getting into trouble or something since Luke . . . CANNOT stay in the same place. At all. Bonus if this person is super duper sweet and polite in contrast to Luke’s nature of being absolutely crass & unrefined.

Their fiance: I’m so sorry for them Luke: I’m not, peace sign + middle finger motherfucker 

And if this evolves in2 an actual ship that’d b up to chemistry n shit but the main idea I had was just. An arranged marriage. Rly we can do whatever n I’d b cool w/ it.

I’d love a crew for them pls. Again - this can be with both Auradon and Isle kids , since Luke gives no shits , but I’d imagine there’s a few Auradon kids who’ve been with Luke for quite some time.

PIRATE RIVALS PLSSSSS bc I know some Isle kids are pirates and that’s B^) juicy shit 2 me.

In general I’d just rly like some friends who try to get past Luke’s aloof & distant & brooding(tm) nature and let them b... soft n stuff.

also friends in general?? great. gimme soft platonic shit bc mgod thats what gets me all the damn time

if there are some royal kids out there who wanna bfriend luke’s ass since childhood n will stick w/them... give it to me.

Flings that Luke’s had either traveling or also just in Auradon in general bc uh yeah they’re lowkey a huge flirt 

not 2 be THAT guy but Luke is a dreamboat haha... hahaha...

please clap

first love !! maybe !! idk sb who definitely luke had a thing 4 but it got lost in luke being. well. luke.

“my only love is the sea” stfu

gimmE SOME ENEMIES 

AURADON KID ENEMIES

ISLE KID ENEMIES

PPL WHO THINK LUKE IS A FUCKIN PRETENTIOUS DICK BC THEY ARE

PPL WHO ONLY WANNA SEE THEM CRASH N BURN

FRIENDSHIPS THAT TURNED HOSTILE BC AGAIN, LUKE IS... LUKE.

PPL WHO HAVEN’T LIKE LUKE SINCE CHILDHOOD N THEY’VE ALWAYS GOTTEN INTO FIGHTS AND STUFF

I’m so bad writing wcs so maybe one day I’ll sit down and write formal connections so yeah.

BUT YEAH THAT’S IT !! pls pls pls feel free to either like this or hmu for plotting - I highly suggest contacting me on Discord ( rocky lynch lovebot / hylia.#0329 ) bc I’m always on Discord but Tumblr works too !! I promise u guys I don’t bite. I love u all I’m so excited 4 this !!! :^)

#usoa:intro #* &. abt / ☆ ❛ ɪɴ ᴍʏsᴛᴇʀɪᴏᴜs ғᴀᴛʜᴏᴍs ʙᴇʟᴏᴡ ❜ #tht reminds me i gotta #do tags #whOOPS. #drowning mention #ocean tw #death mention