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thefirstlioveyou · 4 months

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how the van scene confirms mike's feelings - the framework & editing

i noticed something while editing a compilation of mike staring at will lovingly (because bless finn's amazing acting) and suddenly found myself analysing the editing choices/shots from the van scene (will’s monologue).

i found this scene doesn't only confirm will's feelings for mike, but mike's too.

what exactly makes this scene confirmation of mike's feelings besides the brilliant acting? it's the perfect cinematography and editing. ST's cinematography has been one of its greatest strength's, in my opinion at least. they know how to move the camera perfectly to tell us exactly what a character's thinking. the editing is also perfect.

**for this post, i won't be bringing up the lighting work or acting (at least not much) because it's something that's already acknowledged a lot.**

in the van scene, we are only able to really realize mike's feelings because of its choice of shots - specifically two subtle shots.

first shot:

every shot of mike during the speech had will still in the corner. unfocused, but still there. (minus the rear mirror and window shots)

except for one...

the editing work is one of the main keys to what makes this scene so intimate besides the great acting. the way it goes back and forth between close ups is meant to display tension/intimacy. they keep swinging between the both, almost telling the audience to pay close attention. there's something happening that isn't being said. the editing choice inflicts a feeling that rest of the world is gone - it's just them. (which is often what you typically feel when there's raging chemistry between you and someone else)

then they throw this one shot in, which subtly parts mike away with this conversation. he is distracted by something else..

the fact this one stands out different from the rest is important. will could still be seen in the other shots while showing mike is focusing deeply on what will is saying. then suddenly, just for one shot, will isn't there anymore. it's just mike, nervous and breathless. this is telling us that mike is no longer paying as much attention to what will's saying, but more on what he himself is thinking.

despite this being such a minor thing that is easy to dismiss, it changes a lot if you would've just framed it like the rest. not only would it get repetitive, but there would be nothing to take from the scene [visually] other than the fact mike is focusing on what will's saying… and sure, enjoys looking at his lips a lot. but, when you really think about it, the inclusion of this shot is what actually confirms finn's acting is intentionally romantic. the editors wanted to give the audience this one specifically framed shot of mike to draw your attention from what will's saying, to start wondering what mike is thinking.

and if you haven't already caught onto all the lip staring and quick glances, he’s thinking about will.

second shot:

there's one other shot that confirms it, too - the shot with jonathan and the rear mirror. this happens twice.

referencing back to what i said earlier about how chemistry between you and another can feel like the world shuts out and it's only you two, despite that being how it feels, it’s the exact opposite - everyone notices it. people around you can also see that chemistry. though.. it's only noticeable when it's truly real.

this is the point of the rear window/jonathan shot.

jonathan is noticing a shift in their relationship. he notices not only will's feelings, but mike's too. will is turned away, mike is looking at will - something will can't see. will story-wise believes his love is unrequited... when it's clearly not to the audience (or jonathan in this case).

this rear window shot is included to confirm to the audience that it is exactly what we're thinking - there is something romantic going on, there is electricity. so much so that other characters are catching on themselves. it isn't just a pretty shot. if it were, jonathan wouldn't have been included, and it wouldn’t be there two different times. filmmaking is precise, never forget that.

filmmaking (cinematography in this case) is so powerful and complex. any slight adjustment in editing or choice of framing can change the story you are trying to tell.

so all in all, byler endgame

#byler #mike wheeler #mike wheeler is gay #stranger things #stranger things 5 #byler is endgame #cinematography analysis #st cinematography #my analysis

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lunerna21 · 4 months

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***I meant to do a post for Chapter 1 of Book 7 earlier but it’s been super chaotic with the holidays 😭***

***Slightly longer post but I just want to get my feelings out lol***

BUT I do wanna vent about specific parts of this chapter cause I’m constantly on edge waiting for the release of Chapter 2 (even though I’ll be crying and hyperventilating throughout the next chapter)

First of all, let me start off with how much I love seeing Sebek have a bitch fit from us calling Malleus Tsunotaro

Like dude basically had an aneurysm and tantrum over it and I fucking love his reaction 😭

(Also totally not loving the attention from Malleus in the very beginning of the chapter 🙈)

Being such a huge fan of Sleeping Beauty I’m thriving on the focus of it for this Book and I can’t wait to see where it takes us ❤️

BUT BUT There were two parts that had me almost to the point of losing my goddamn mind

1. The idea that we could be leaving Ace, Deuce and Grim

When Deuce and Grim started reminiscing and getting upset about us leaving and Grim being alone again

JUST THE ABSOLUTE HEARTBREAK I FELT IN THIS SCENE WAS AWFUL LIKE TWST WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME

CAN WE GIVE OURSELVES A BREAK WE KEEPING GOING THROUGH SO MUCH SHIT TOGETHER

BUT THEN ACE'S REACTION IS SENDING ME TO THE HEAVENS

I'M SO CONFUSED AT ACE'S REACTION LIKE CMON TELL ME HOW YOU ACTUALLY FEEL

Throughout the whole series we've always seen Ace consoling us and keeping his positive outlook, and I'm DYING to see how he reacts to us leaving when we have a guaranteed way home

I feel like once he know's our time is coming to an end, Ace is gonna be inconsolable and just completely break down and beg us to not leave

AND I WILL NOT BE OKAY

IF I SEE ALL THREE OF THEM CRYING ABOUT US LEAVING OR THE OTHER STUDENTS IM GONNA BE IN THERAPY FOR WEEKS

I wish we got to see him more vulnerable but I feel like Yana is just cooking something up to DEVASTATE the fandom

AND THE ACEYUU LOVER THAT I AM IM HOPING WE GET SOME DEVELOPMENT CAUSE THIS LITTLE SHIT IS SO GOOD AT MASKING HIS FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS

LIKE CMON ACE TRAPPOLA LET ME KNOW HOW YOU FEEL

2. Malleus speaking about this past

LET ME TELL YOU MALLEUS DRACONIA NEEDS SO MUCH GODDAMN LOVE

THE AMOUNT OF TIME MALLEUS WAS ALONE AND HE WAS USED TO IT IS ABSOLUTELY AWFUL

(Also screw that last option like why would I ever pick that after what he told us)

Just the fact as he was telling his story and we pointed it out and he was just like "Oh, I guess I was" and acknowledged it

Does everyone need to be so traumatized by their past in this game like goddamn the whole goddamn school needs a therapist

Just reminiscing on his reactions to spending time with us in the main story and side stories, and how much he enjoyed being included just makes the past events more special with him 😭

....And his reaction afterward we told him we'd found a way home...

WE'RE JUST ADDING ON MORE TO HIS LONELINESS AND I HATE IT CAN'T WE GIVE MALLEUS LOVE AND A BREAK

AND THEN THE WAY IT ENDED JUST SENDS ME INTO OVERDRIVE EVERY GODDAMN TIME

.....Malleus facing the horrible reality that everyone is slowly fading from his life and he has no way to prevent this is just....

When I tell you I'm going to be in therapy after Chapter 2, I will be so inconsolable that I will be in shambles for a while

I'm glad I'm also caught up to the Chapter 6 on the JPN server, but having to now relive everything in the EN server I will not be okay

Now I will sit in and cry impatiently as I wait for a date for the newest Chapter (ALSO MANIFESTING MORE CHAPTERS NEXT MONTH FOR BOTH SERVERS EVEN THOUGH IT HURTS)

Enjoying the rest of your day~~!! *walks off in tears*

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twst #disney twst #malleus draconia #ace trappola #deuce spade #twst book 7 #twst book 7 spoilers #WHAT MORE CAN I SAY #IM ALL OVER THE PLACE

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gravelsong · 16 days

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I call this the "what if I overanalyzed the HELL out of the Arcee and Carly interaction" post because this scene was really good

Before this, the ONLY time we've really seen them interact is when Arcee saved Carly from falling. They're still on unfamiliar terms, probably only knowing each other through name. Arcee's come over to see Carly, being curious about her, wondering what she's doing, or both. Carly clearly doesn't give a shit though, responding in a very short, and clipped answer.

Okay, so she doesn't seem to be that thrilled about Arcee being over there. That's okay, Arcee will simply ask what Carly's doing instead of beating around the bush, which Carly ALSO responds to with a short, sarcastic answer. Her answer doesn't really help Arcee work out what's going on all that much, so she asks for further elaboration, both wanting to know more and also learn something new about Earth.

Carly gives another vague answer ("gotta start somewhere") so Arcee offers to join her in her activity, maybe hoping that they can connect more and she can learn further about what's on Carly's mind. However, Arcee's blaster causes a solid amount of damage, but it seems to catch Carly's attention and even makes her smile, impressed with the sight.

With Carly seeming more open, Arcee talks a bit about her own skills, her own history with weaponry. She IS a very impressive shot, as vouched by Optimus, but with her time spent fighting in the war, she's mournful over this, as her skill with a blaster adds to the carnage and horror she's seen (the flames in the background serving as a reflection of her memories, what she's witnessed through her talent).

Carly, who just recently lost her father to Starscream, is baffled by this statement, saying that Arcee's skill would REALLY help with killing decepticons (as she seems to have missed the point with what Arcee was trying to say). Carly even specifies Starscream, which makes it clear that she's practicing specifically for revenge purposes against Starscream (great news Carly, Soundwave already took care of that problem). Arcee recognizes this desire for revenge, and states her thoughts clearer: that she can see how Carly's falling to her rage, that her hurt is driving her to future pain (with Arcee probably reflecting on her familiarity with her own hatred).

Unfortunately, Carly is no longer open to listening, switching back into being angry and annoyed. She knows that Arcee's analyzing her, thinking that she knows better than her (also Carly is a teenager, and hurt teenagers tend to shut themselves off to focus on what they think is best for them). The remains of Arcee's shot also look like a burning inferno behind Carly, used as symbolism for her own feelings, her own rage.

("I apologize. It's just... you remind me of myself, when my gears were beginning to turn. I had a teacher then.")

Arcee isn't using subtle dialogue or small talk anymore, she's outright telling Carly of her own history, of how she was the same way. Of how she had someone she loved and trusted so dearly, but he died (ALSO MAGNUS IS DEAD AUGHH) because she allowed her hatred to control her. She was so focused on revenge, she lost another loved one. Even now, Arcee's reflection on her journey of healing is that her hate costed her far more than helped her. It's a painful memory for her, and she doesn't want to see someone else go down the same path she did.

But she's too caught up in her desire for revenge to really hear what Arcee's telling her.

Hell, even in the scene afterward, Cliffjumper is berating himself for not killing Starscream, and that Carly isn't even speaking to him anymore because he couldn't kill Starscream. Jazz tells him that there's no shame in pulling the trigger, but if that was true, then why does he feel so awful (he feels awful because he feels like he hurt Carly right there and then. Also, Starscream immediately grabbed her, and would've killed her if he hadn't been crushed. Cliffjumper is feeling guilty over not taking the shot because it could've killed Carly, and even though she survived, a part of her was still killed in that moment.)

#I LOVE THESE CHARACTERS AUGH #transformers #transformers skybound #transformers 2023 #arcee #carly #(fuck it this is her temporary tag for now)#cliffjumper #my post #long post #transformers spoilers

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thatgirl4815 · 2 years

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Colors in Ep11 🌈

(+ VP’s Phases of Intensity)

Back with what’s shaping up to be my weekly post about the lovely colors in KinnPorsche, and there is A LOT to work with in this episode. Many amazing posts have already hit the main points, but I’ll try to offer up some of what I noticed in the way of prominent colors, notable shots, and repetitive schemes. This episode also gives a major hint for how these colors could progress in the future.

From a cinematic/aesthetic perspective, I will just note right off the bat that this episode is near the top of my list. It’s truly amazing how carefully they have crafted the evolution of VegasPete’s color scheme(s) and the severity of these colors. It coincides with the progression of their relationship in a way that is apparent but still subtle. It’s hard to define generally without getting into specifics, so here we go...

Red & Green

For the purposes of this post, I will go ahead and make some color groupings. Red and green stand out because they both represent themes of ⚠️ danger ⚠️ --in this case, the type of danger that Vegas elicits. Red is attributed to Vegas a bit more than green, but they’re both clearly tethered to him. The first few VP scenes serve as a continuation of the torture scene in Ep10, as the setting and colors indicate:

The color red is not only present, it’s brutally apparent. As I mentioned in my post about color/cinematography in Ep10, the environment itself is well-adapted to color. It’s dark, it’s dank, it’s gloomy. It’s enclosed with minimal exits. The oppressiveness makes the colors stand out all the more, because without them, what do we have visually? I believe they chose this space because of it’s simplicity. Our attention is drawn to these colors because they are such vital mood setters.

(It could be easy to mix up pink and red here, but while I do see pink shining through the back of this scene, I do think red is the notable color because pink is really just an alternate shade of red. More on pink later.)

While red (and lighter shades) dominates this torture scene, green often shines in the back to offer an additional bit of foreshadowing. I still find it interesting that green has been tied to themes of danger, as it’s primary positive connotations include growth and rebirth. That would seem to be the opposite of what we get in this scene, but I do think green’s positive correlations could carry some weight further into the episode. For now, green represents danger but also possessiveness. Vegas wants to hold onto Pete for as long as he can, because he’s someone he can call his—someone he can control when his father is so intent on ripping away his sense of agency.

But moving on to later scenes...

The three main colors here are red, green, and gold/yellow (separate colors, but they’re blended quite a bit in this shot). I’ve dissected all three already, so I won’t go into much detail, but I do think the change in scenery is most notable because it does not permit such a vibrant display. In the first torture scenes, we cannot escape the color, but here it is a bit easier to overlook. There’s also a certain domesticity to this scene that makes everything less brutal. Pete is still in danger, he’s still a victim, but it no longer feels so intimately oppressive. In keeping with this notion, we have our danger colors shining in the back rather dimly, and their color is mostly contained to the wall behind Pete. The only times the colors really caught my attention on Vegas are (understandably) during the torture scene at the safehouse, where Vegas lashes Pete with his belt, and the scene where Vegas frantically shouts Pete’s name. But in general, while we do see more substantial flares of color in shots like this--

--it’s still nowhere near as prominent as in the first torture scenes. I’ve also noticed how the colors are almost always more noticeable on Pete, likely to show how he is the subject of the danger. But, and this seems to be the most important part, as the intensity of the colors goes down, so does the toxic intensity of VP’s relationship. This is leaning *somewhat* into prediction territory, but I’m fairly certain we will see three phases of intensity...

Phases of Intensity

1) Torture Intensity - I think we’re already passed this, for the most part. Torture intensity refers to the tension of their relationship when they are at their most estranged: the oppressor and the oppressed. This dynamic pervades the episode up until VP’s final few scenes. Red and green are the main characters in this phase.

2) Minimal Intensity - "Minimal” might not be the best word, but I think this phase is what we see at the end of Ep11. VP have reached a level of vulnerability after Vegas heals Pete’s wounds and Pete admits to a similar experience with his own father. Vegas’s tender kiss is also one of Pete’s first real indicators that the intensity is lessening. The oppressor/oppressed dynamic is not gone, but it’s lessened significantly--putting VP closer to equal than we’ve ever seen them. Gold and yellow are the main characters in this phase.

3) Romantic/Sexual Intensity - I think it’s necessary to pair the words “romantic” and “sexual” together, because I would say we’ve already seen a little bit of sexual intensity in the “Torture Intensity” phase of VP’s plot line but not romantic intensity. The instigation of any kind of sexual action has been all one-sided from Vegas, but while I think Vegas will be the one to instigate more next episode, Pete will likely return the intensity. This is what will turn their sexual intensity into romantic intensity. Pink and purple are the main characters in this phase. I also think we could see a return of hot pink to lean into VP’s more mutual erotic energy when the time comes.

I suppose you could also refer to these “phases” as VP growing closer emotionally, which then allows for a different kind of intensity in their relationship. A mutual intensity, you could say. I’ve talked about positive and negative tension before in regards to KP’s relationship, but this is a similar idea. The colors are almost always a direct reflection of the state of the characters’ relationships.

When Vegas is healing Pete’s wounds, the red is almost entirely gone, and the green shines minimally; only faint traces of it can be seen on the chain by Pete’s head and on the sheets surrounding them. The prominent color from here on out comes from the gold/yellow light shining above them...

Gold & Yellow

I’ve said before that gold has been associated with the mafia as a whole. This would imply that it’s connotations are negative, but like Kinn and Porsche, I think it becomes something positive this episode. Gold has a metallic shine on it, but this is much more orange/yellow in comparison. Negatively, gold often represents greed. Positively, it represents prosperity. Both of these representations are materialistic in nature. Yellow, however, is typically associated with freshness, positivity, clarity, optimism, and enlightenment. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that an enlightening color shines so prominently during a scene of enlightenment for Vegas.

I also want to point out how closely the coloring in the final VP scenes of Ep11 relates to the coloring in this KP scene:

The color here appears more gold than yellow, but the point still stands that in both cases, gold shifts from something negative to more positive. The addition of yellow in the VP scenes only contributes to this positivity.

Pink & Purple 💗💜

As mentioned above, hot pink is pretty apparent in these early torture scenes. I think it’s meant to muddle our perceptions a bit, because as others have pointed out, without context, some shots make it a bit difficult to assess the toxic nature of Vegas and Pete’s relationship. These next ones certainly do NOT, however:

(This isn’t the point of this post, but I can’t help but commend Build’s acting during this phone call because it completely ripped my heart out. The effort to keep his voice light and jovial while he’s in such a vulnerable state...💔)

Someone on Twitter referred to pink and purple as VegasPete’s “new colors,” and I think they do represent a softening in the relationship. In this post about the color pink, I mention how pink not only has sweeter, positive connotations, but it is also a subdued version of red. It’s like Pete’s presence in Vegas’s life mutes that bloody crimson into something more breathable—something tender and inviting rather than domineering and oppressive.

If pink is so positive, why then is it such an integral part of the first torture scene? Well, as I said, it is hot pink, not to be confused with a lighter shade of pink, what I’ll call blush pink until I can find a better match. It’s the shade we have seen behind Porsche at times to represent his tender feelings of love, and--most notably--behind both Vegas and Pete in the preview for Ep12:

We can compare their physical actions to the shades as well. In the torture scene, Vegas has no reservations pushing Pete around. Any tenderness he shows is part of the game, designed to make Pete uncomfortable--to reassert who is in the seat of power. But in the preview, his delicacy is emotional. There’s a change in Vegas’s softness because he himself is showing vulnerability. It’s driven by pure feeling rather than dominance and control...and if it’s not--if Vegas really is just playing with Pete’s emotions, I really will call Vegas a master unhinged-manipulator. Because to me, this is about as real as it gets.

Am I saying it’s real because I want it to be real? Probably. But contrast how Vegas acts with Pete here to how he acts with Tawan in the flashback. It’s hard to pinpoint what, exactly, is different, but no matter how tender Vegas is with Tawan, his movements seem calculated. I reckon there will be more evidence to work with in Ep12, but for now, I’m just going to go with the overall vibes I get from VegasPete as opposed to VegasTawan or VegasPorsche.

The preview shows two primary colors: pink and purple. But there’s a blend between them with hints of blue behind Pete. Coincidence? Blue is Pete’s color, so I don’t think so. But the main attraction here for me is the purplish blend in the middle, because it represents a combination of Vegas’s red and Pete’s blue. I don’t think I need to get into the poeticism of merging each character’s symbolic colors, so I’ll just leave it at that.

There is something to be said about the placement of these colors. The purple is closest to Pete while the pink is closest to Vegas. I already mentioned how pink is just a lighter shade of red, so in a way, both Vegas and Pete are standing in the light of their respective colors. The purple spot between them is between them to represent the point of intersection, where Vegas and Pete can become VegasPete if and only if they both lean into it.

I mentioned the Phases of Intensity already, but I want to conclude by comparing that more specifically to phases of color.

Phases of Color 🎨

Red/Green ⏩ Gold/Yellow ⏩ Pink/Purple

This doesn’t mean that red/green won’t show up in the future, but I do think that these phases represent which main colors we will see. Unsurprisingly, we are entering the pink/purple phase now, so we’ll see how their interactions coincide with that.

Alright, that’s all on color for now. Let me know your thoughts! :)

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findmeagreenlight · 2 years

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Wait, do you think Mike has realized his feelings and was thinking about breaking up with El? Why do you think so?

For one thing, I think Stranger Things uses a LOT more coding and allegory than people give it credit for. And they are saying that there is absolutely some perspective fuckery going around in the season 2 finale even if I don’t understand it fully. People tend to mention the two cars that take El and Will away but it goes deeper.

But I don’t think that’s what you’re here for so instead I’ll talk about the Snow Ball. I believe Mike got his first big clue beforehand.

Because Lucas/Max and Jonathan/Nancy get fitting and happy lyrics whenever the camera is on them during the Ball, meanwhile El and Mike’s are downright miserable. And El has no reason to be unhappy so it has to be Mike.

Here’s a full breakdown:

It always struck me as weird that Mike would encourage Will to dance with a girl who just insulted him – Mike encouraged the Party to ignore Troy's bullying or outright stood up to him previously. And besides, that’s just not what a good friend does! It’s Dustin’s conversation with Steve outside the gym that gives it away:

Steve: So, remember, once you get in there… Dustin: Pretend like I don’t care. Steve: You don’t care. Dustin: I don’t care. Steve: There you go. You’re learning, my friend. You’re learning.

This refers back to Steve’s arguably bad advice earlier in the season – except they conveniently leave out every other context clue of the situation that makes Dustin’s situation different from Mike’s. No mention of girls or Max or that the goal of pretending is getting the person you like to dance with you or reciprocate your feelings. NONE. That’s because you are meant to understand that Dustin during the Snow Ball is Mike’s stand-in.

He’s changed something about himself to fit in better, can’t dance with the person he really wants to dance with, looks out into the crowd but noone else approaches him. He starts to wallow and even cry on the sidelines until Nancy arrives to dance with him, just like El arrives to dance with Mike.

The most damning are the songs, though: they show which characters are genuinely enjoying themselves and who aren’t. There are three songs playing during this sequence.

Nancy and Jonathan glance at each other while Twist of Fate is playing, this line specifically: Life doesn’t mean a thing without the love you bring.

Mike has fun until a romantic song comes on and everyone takes notice. Lucas asks Max to dance during Time After Time but he’s nervous, stammers, backtracks but Max helps him out:

Max: Are you trying to ask me to dance, stalker? Lucas: No, of course not. Unless… you want to. Max: Sooo smooth. Come on.

These are the lyrics playing:

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick and think of you Caught up in circles Confusion is nothing new

Fitting and sweet because Lucas is talking in circles. Now this is the part where a girl comes to ask Will to dance: (tumblr keeps breaking my formatting so I hope it works)

Sometimes Do you want to dance? you picture me Um… I don’t… I’m walking too *Mike nudges Will* far ahead I mean… I mean, yeah. Sure. You’re calling to me *shows Mike* I cannot hear what *shows Will and girl* you’ve said / Then you *shows Mike and Dustin* say go slow *Will-girl and Lucas/Max* I fall behind *Mike and Dustin* The second hand unwinds *Lucas/Max*

After, Mike is frowning (and he looks in Will’s direction longer than Dustin pays attention to Max). By the time El arrives, he looks very out if it, sitting alone. Every Breath You Take starts playing and is probably the most revealing part of this whole long ass post. Watch the scene and connect what is shown on screen and what you hear. Consider that it’s often from Vecna’s point of view, sometimes from the characters. It’s not generally a romantic song, a lot of it is quite creepy but there are some lines that are endearing on their own or just a cheeky reference to Max calling Lucas stalker.

Every breath you take /Mike Every move you make /El Every bond you break /Mike Every step you /Mike take / I'll be watching you /El

Every single day /both El and Mike And every word you say /both Every game you play /Mike: You look beautiful. Every night you stay /El I'll be watching you /Mike: Do you want to dance?

Oh, can't you see /El: I don’t know how. Mike: I don’t either. You belong to me? /both How my poor heart aches /They take each other’s hand. With every step you take? /Mike: Here, like this.

Every move you make /Mike: Yeah, like that. And every vow you break /Nancy Every smile you /Dustin fake / Every claim you stake / I’ll be /Will watching you /Lucas and Max

Since you've gone, I've been lost without a trace /Dustin and Nancy I dream at night, I can only /El and Mike see your face /Max kisses Lucas I look around, but it's you I can't replace /Lucas and Max I feel so cold, and I long for your embrace /Max hugs Lucas I keep crying, baby, baby please /Mike kisses El

Look, pretty much every other part of the song fits so I can’t help thinking that what it says about Mike/El is true as well. As of s4, we know Mike is a target of Vecna and that Vecna is wary of El. We know Lucas and Max’s feelings for each other are genuine and this is one of Max’s happiest memories. Nancy and breaking vows? She had a messy breakup with Steve in season 2 after taking back that “I love you”. We know Will is faking a smile here because he obviously doesn’t want to dance with a girl.

The difference between other couples and El/Mike shots is incredible when you start noticing. The ONLY remotely romantic lines they get are the same ones that the song fades out to, showing the Mind Flayer/Vecna: at the end, the shot covers Mike’s eyes as El leans her head against his. We go outside, where the camera turns upside down:

Oh, can't you see You belong to me?

In the gym in normal Hawkins, there are yellow lights inside. In the Upside Down, the same lights are blue.

And we know that attraction is just like electricity, in the show’s language.

(Best I can tell, lights never change color in the UD in any others scenes. Not the streetlights, or the headlights on Billy's car, or the lamp Nancy & company are gathered around in s4.)

As for how it went after, this is just my speculation but it makes sense to me currently:

I think Mike realised his feelings for Will are romantic sometime around the end of s2. They scared him. He latched onto his parents telling him he will grow out of childish things, even ones "with emotional value" so he convinced himself to avoid Will, spend less time on dnd and more with El. He thinks he likes both of them, one person he will grow out of, one he will grow into. It will work! After all, he was so relieved and overwhelmed when El showed up alive, wasn't he? It has to be romantic.

S3 is him not knowing what he wants. That's why he is shocked when the "I love her" slips out. (It's true, just not the way he thinks.) That's why he is trying to recreate the "crazy together" moment with El but can't bring himself to say he loves her twice when he's alone with her - it would come across as romantic and he might not be conscious of it, but deep down he doesn't want to lie to her, not about this. He loves her after all, he cares about her so, so much and doesn’t want to hurt her.

And then, at the end of s3, he literally has a light bulb in the closet turning on moment. He doesn't want to kiss El back, hearing I love you too doesn't make him happy, and now El reinitiated a relationship he can't break out of. He's what, 14? He doesn't know how to break up with a girl who is grieving her father over a letter and besides, what if she doesn't want to see him again? They told us Mike fears that El would no longer want his friendship after she doesn't need him, which is why he's so worried and preoccupied with her during s4 post-Lenora. (Which is only 3-4 days, tbh.)

I think s4 is Mike learning to let El go, despite appearances. We are told in El's letter that Mike was trying to console her about not fitting in at school, possibly about her grief. Then during their fight, Mike is forced to acknowledge he can't even write love to her, which he hasn't noticed, but she has - he realises that they might have to break up even if El is hurting because he's just adding to her pain by waiting. He pretty much tells us they can’t come back from that fight.

The reason I don’t vibe with the interpretation that he’s trying to convince himself he still has romantic feelings for her during the course of the season is that I find it incredibly sketchy how vaguely he speaks of the issue. He uses “if I explained myself” and nods when Will says it’s hard to tell people a truth they won’t like. He goes on about Lois Lane being needed and useful even outside a romantic relationship and when he says he “got lucky” he found El he glances at Will – in part, he was using El to find Will back then so that calls the romantic connotation into question.

Even in Lenora, he says “maybe I should have said something, and if I would’ve said that thing” but never specifies what that something is. He could have worded it as “El wanted me to say something to her but I couldn’t do it on the spot, I panicked/I don’t know why and now I regret it” see!!! It would be easy even without telling Will about the ily part but the writing made the narrative choice where Mike never outright tells the viewer that he wants to be able to say those three words during s4, not in conversations where he’s not pressured to do so. Only during the monologue.

I believe that if Will is our unreliable narrator during the whole season, then Mike is meant to be misleading the viewer during the entire season, not just the monologue. Speaking of, it’s easier for me to understand why he sounds so incredibly pained during the entire speech if he knows he’s lying but couldn’t refuse the chance to save El. He was put on the spot by Will himself. It's a tragicomedy of errors.

(Btw, he totally pulled the same “pretend you don’t care” bs with Will when he arrived at California just like at the Snow Ball but secretly paid attention to him anyway.)

#whew long answer to make up for the long wait #asks #anonymous #stranger things #byler #reaaaally hoping the formatting doesn't break #elmike #stranger typing

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saucy-mesothelioma · 7 months

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Meso's Mixtapes: Handplates Gaster

In honor of the Handplates comic by @zarla-s finally coming to an end, I decided to finally get back to work on my Mixtapes and do one for their interpretation of W.D. Gaster as a sort of thank you. But before I do, I want to talk for a moment about what this comic has meant to me. I was around 12 or so when I first got into Undertale. I was a pretty sheltered kid and wasn't really allowed to play video games, so I watched playthroughs and listened to the ost all from YouTube. And it was through this that I came across the dubbed version of the comic. I was instantly captivated by the acting and the editing, but the thing that pulled me in the most was the emotion behind the storytelling. Even when I was younger, I had no interest in any sort of AUs, but this one not only caught my attention, but held it in a vice. I binged the entirety of what was available of the comic on YouTube twice, and didn't tire of it one bit. But of course, as the years went by and my interest in Undertale faded, I stopped watching. It wasn't until a few months ago while scrolling through Tumblr that I found the comic again and that it was still being updated. So I picked up the comic right from the beginning and read it all. And to my surprise, it was just as incredible as when I read it all those years ago. To this day, Handplates has been the only AU out of really any media that I enjoy, and I'm not even the biggest fan of Undertale anymore. The fact that an AU has captured my attention longer than the base game itself really speaks to how well written this comic is. I would (and have) genuinely suggest it to people who aren't even into Undertale, specifically for how this comic is written. Unfortunately, I was unable to interact with the community due to no access to social media as well as rediscovering the comic so late, but I've fully enjoyed looking through the archives and reading all the asks, extra comics, and posts about it; it really made me feel like a part of the community after all. I don't know what Zarla has planned for the future, but whether it be little one-off Handplates comics, other Undertale stories, or even a bigger project in something else entirely, I will be eagerly tuning in. This comic has meant a lot to me, and I couldn't be more thankful. Now, without further ado, the playlist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Villain by Stella Jang (There are a few different ways you could interpret this song, but for the sake of this mixtape, I see it as the idea of "you can be doing something good, but doing something evil to achieve it still makes you the villain". As the song says, there are many shades of grey; "the person I love the most could be a dog to somebody else" and "the person you hate the most is somebody's beloved child" perfectly explain this. It's the basis of "the ends don't justify the means", which is the exact opposite of the ideology Gaster follows over the course of the comic. Although he does this for the better of monster society, he is still aware of the fact that what he is doing is deplorable; that's part of what makes him such an interesting character to examine.) Rule #27 - Drunk on Pride by Fish in a Birdcage Dying Day by Landlady Dentist! by Alan Menken (I had to include this after Zarla mentioned it in a post a while back, and I gotta say it really does fit in a hilarious way) Wernher Von Braun by Tom Lehrer (I debated on whether or not put this one on the list, but in my opinion the line "'Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down? That's not my department!' says Wernher von Braun" does sound like something he would say; sort of that mentality of "Hey, I did my job. That's not my problem." he showed during scene where the worker was requesting that handrails be added to the CORE. Plus it's Tom Lehrer.) Priest by William Crighton My Friends by Steven Sondheim (The only reason I included this song was because my headcanon voice for Gaster is Len Cariou. Although I will say that my friend also suggested Sam Neill specifically because of the scenes in Jurassic Park where Alan meets Tim and Lex and when he explains how the raptors hunted to that kid at the dig site since they both seem like something he'd do and I stand by that assessment 1000%. Both of those are perfect to me.)

Dead Man's Party by Oingo Boingo Euthanasia by Will Wood Alles im Griff (auf dem sinkenden schiff) by Udo Jürgens ("Ich hab alles im griff auf dem sinkenden schiff" loosely translates to "I have everything under control on the sinking ship", and the song is basically about all of these bad things happening to the narrator, and the narrator just bottling it all up and saying "This is fine. I'm totally fine." If that doesn't describe Gaster, then I don't know what does.) Zombie by The Cranberries (Considering what the song is about, I felt like it would also stand as a good representation for the hardships and trauma war can leave . And yes, I know that's not the main theme of the comic, but to me at least, that theme was crucial for how some of the characters developed. Not just Gaster, but Toriel and Asgore too.) Everything You Ever by Joss Whedon Total Recall by pragmaticNihilist (Ok, so this one needs a bit of explaining more so than the others. This song is one of the themes for the character Secily Iopara from the game Snowbound Blood, which is technically a sort of prequel/spinoff from the webcomic Vast Error. At least in my opinion, Gaster and Secily share several defining traits: both are easily consumed by work to the point where it takes a toll on their social life as well as their mental health, they push away the people that care about them in order to make things easier for themselves, they both basically devoted their entire meaning to one person [Asgore and Ahlina respectively], and their life's work was their downfall. I just thought it was really interesting how two characters from completely different stories manage to share so much, and how one was able to succeed in fields where the other character failed. Things like this in media have always been something I've enjoyed, so I felt compelled to include it.) Venetian Blind Man by Will Wood Arsonist's Lullabye by Hozier Good Old Days by Weird Al (I'm sorry but I couldn't resist adding this one. It was way too funny to not. I am so, so sorry. This is the last "not really serious one" I swear.) I'm Not Supposed to Care by Gordon Lightfoot (First off, the opening line is already perfect, but I can definitely see this song as the sort of the encompassing theme for the final pages of the comic when they're on the surface. The people who were Gaster's family have no idea who he is or how much they mean to him, yet he's still more than willing to devote himself to them and their happiness, which we see mainly with him and Asgore. My interpretation of Gaster's interactions with them are perfectly summed up by this song: He feels like he shouldn't care as much as he does because they're no longer who he knew, but he can't help it. They no longer love him, but he still loves them and will do whatever he can to make sure they're happy, even at his own expense [both before falling into the CORE and after]. Gaster sums up the basis of his own mentality perfectly: "As long as you will have me, I will stay.")

#I think this is probably my longest mixtape #but it's also one of my favorites #I hate that it got out so late but I've been dealing with some life problems recently and it was tough getting the energy to finish this #but I finally got it together enough to complete my notes on it #this comic was so worth it though #it really is one of my top favorite comics #thanks for everything Zarla #it was a fantastic journey #please go give this comic a read even if you're not a fan of Undertale #it's more than worth it #meso's mixtapes #gaster #handplates #playlist #long post

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itsoverfeeling · 2 years

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Hi, I watched Werewolf by Night a second time. I have more thoughts.

So, in my first analysis post (which you can find here, I'm not gonna repeat my main points here, so if you need clarification, there it is), I was mostly just rambling out my ideas. I'm still doing that! But I want to focus on some other points bouncing through my head.

Firstly, the film is absolutely about family and legacy. Every conflict in the movie exists due to these motifs. Jack is likely a werewolf because of a family curse. Elsa is fighting only because she didn't live up to the expectations bestowed on her. Jack is on the rescue mission in the first place because he wants to help Ted, someone Jack admits to considering family. Elsa's trapped with Jack because her step mother resents her. The competition is only happening in the first place because Elsa is no longer considered enough of a daughter to Ulysses Bloodstone to inherit the stone automatically (though I am very curious as to Ulysses's actual views as opposed to the ones filtered through the step mother's bias). Every inner and external conflict stems from family history and relationships.

Something I want to focus on especially is the scene where werewolf Jack pins down Elsa. Because guess what? The two major physical manifestations of their legacies are right there. Jack, caught in the symbolic generational cycle of literally being a monster, is not only in his werewolf form, but also is wearing his Día de los Muertos makeup. Elsa, in her dead father's home having just stopped her step-mother from attacking Jack, has the bloodstone in her back pocket.

They are both well-armed with the weapons their parents have passed down to them, whether their parents ultimately planned to give them these gifts/curses or not. They both can easily harm each other or even kill each other.

But they don't.

They both decide in that moment to stop the violence. Elsa puts the bloodstone away and Jack willfully leaves her alone. They both are the strongest people in the room who have a history of violence. And by all means, their violence towards each other would make perfect sense. It would be so easy to justify. But they actively choose not to. Despite being in such heightened emotional states (Jack being a werewolf and Elsa trembling in terror), they still don't hurt each other.

And I think that while they could explain their actions however they wanted later as whatever story that would fit their lives best, the fact is that at their core they chose to be good in that moment. Unlike everything that influenced them not to be.

Earlier on in the movie, Jack said that you sometimes think there is one thing you can do that will change everything your ancestors did before you. And maybe Elsa and Jack thought this story was about getting the bloodstone and saving Ted. But maybe it was about meeting each other and choosing to be unlike what their heritage dictates.

I'd also like to bring attention to how despite there being an emphasis on breaking the cycle of these legacies, there's still a layer of respect under it all.

Jack, despite whatever complicated feelings he may have about his curse or his past, is wearing the Día de los Muertos makeup to honor his ancestors. He manages to defy his family curse (unconfirmed but probable considering the film themes and his comic origins) but his respect for them is literally painted across his face.

(I'll also say that Día de los Muertos is for family members who've passed and a few articles/interviews imply that Jack is centuries old. So, his makeup is possibly not just for his grandparents and relatives, but his parents and sister as well (again, those family members are not specifically confirmed, but somewhat likely due to the comics))

The same for Elsa. Would Ulysses consider this whole thing a failure? Eh... well, maybe not (he literally put his best hunters in a death game that only would've lessened the overall success of the monster hunting mission: less hunters, less dead monsters. I think he would have found this whole thing funny as fuck). But it's unconventional for sure. And despite Elsa probably going in an unintended direction from her legacy, she still respects the actual bloodstone. Enough to fight for it as her father intended. She describes it in the beginning of the film as rightfully hers, showing that she's not as dismissive of her family legacy as implied by her step mother.

In a strange way, Jack and Elsa continue to honor their families while altering the legacies they've been left behind.

#again i'd love to hear y'alls thoughts #werewolf by night #werewolf by night analysis #werewolf by night meta #jack russell #elsa bloodstone #werewolf by night spoilers #my analysis

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whumpitlikeyoumeanit · 4 months

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Whumpcember 9

All of this Whumpcember is a single, long fic, with the prompts used in specific scenes, in order. See the Masterlist and AO3 link here. There's a pretty substantial story outside of the prompt responses; it's the meat of the story around the prompts, not the prompt responses themselves, that are taking the time to write and causing delays.

((content warnings: verbal abuse, domestic abuse, vulnerable (brain-injured) whumpee))

promptspiration: @whumpcember Day 9: Brainwashing

Whumpee: Draco Malfoy whump type: verbal abuse fic type: post-Hogwarts AU

words: ~2200

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"You want me to do your hair?" Harry offered, catching his attention from beside the fire. He lifted his wand to demonstrate that he already had it out and tilted his head toward the seat to invite him.

Draco raised his hand to the back of his head and felt the hair there; it was at least an inch too long. "Yes," he agreed immediately, and abandoned the window to take that seat. His half-hand was rubbing his jaw as he crossed the room, worrying the hint of stubble there. "And this?"

"Yes," Harry said, his tone patient, and Draco realised that was probably meant to be understood. Right.

Harry stood in front of him and laid his fingertips on Draco's jaw. It probably wasn't necessary, but it was part of the ritual. At least Draco no longer flinched when the wand was pointed into his face — he supposed he actually did trust Harry now. It was still a bit too much to actually look up into his face from this distance, and see the intense way Harry focused on him, so he looked past him toward the tapestry.

The feeling of the wandtip grazing along his jaw sent a shiver crawling down his spine. Harry was taking his time, drawing this out. Who knew that shaving was so…

"Inmate." The word bubbled up from his mind and out his mouth unprovoked, and even he had to blink at it and consider it.

"...What?"

"My father," he remembered slowly, musing on the idea, and glanced for a moment up at Harry. "I think… It's been bothering me since the first time, what it was I couldn't stand about not being clean-shaven. It looked like my father when he came back from Azkaban." He could remember now, picture how he'd looked, so awful and out of control…

"You shouldn't be thinking about him."

Draco blinked at him with a slow frown, trying to follow.

Harry sighed and dropped his wand and his hand from Draco's face. "Look, I've held my tongue out of kindness for you, trying to be understanding, but I can't keep quiet anymore. It's getting unhealthy — it's just enabling you at this point. I see you obsessing about and… and idolising them, and I just… You do remember they were really terrible people, right?"

"Stop it," Draco said quietly, looking pointedly away.

"I can't. I'm sorry you're hurt, but honestly?" He took hold of Draco's jaw and turned his face back toward him to make sure he was listening. "I'm not sorry they're dead, and I can't sit here and pretend like I am anymore. They were basically monsters."

He jerked back from that accusation and yanked his face away. "They are not!"

Harry caught the back of his head, cupping behind his ear to hold him. "Your father was a Death Eater. Not even 'technically a Death Eater' or 'a reluctant Death Eater' or 'just a follower', but an enthusiastic standard-bearer who wanted Voldemort to win and approved of his methods. He Imperiused people and tortured Muggles for fun. Do you want to wager on whether he's a murderer? Because I'll take that bet."

"He learned better," Draco said quietly.

"He learned to hide it," Harry said harshly. "You learned better, because you were only ever parroting them, but them? Your parents? They never changed. Your father never had a change of heart, he just got his ass beat and found out that sadism wasn't as fun when he was on the other side of it."

"He paid for it," Draco insisted. "He was tortured more than any of us."

"Not half as much as he deserved. And you have to admit that."

"I won't." Draco stubbornly shoved Harry's arm away and kicked the seat back so he could try to get away from him, get space. Harry was still standing over him and there was nowhere else to go.

Harry snatched the arms of his seat and yanked it back toward him, then grabbed his arm to hold him. He shook it and then grabbed Harry's wrist with his other hand to try to get him off, but he wasn't strong enough. "You need to face it," Harry snapped. "If you want to be a decent person, you have to admit that Death Eaters are bad people and don't deserve your sympathy."

"Fuck off!" He tried to free his arm again and couldn't, so instead he yanked down his sleeve. The Dark Mark glowered at them, a shocking scream of black on his skin he never let see the light of day. "I'm a Death Eater! By your logic, you should let me be killed, too — we don't deserve—"

"Did you ever kill anyone?" Harry demanded. "Ever use magic on Muggles for sport? Ever beat a house elf black and blue?" He couldn't get a word in, it was such a sudden shift and he couldn't formulate a response before Harry jumped on to the next one, so he was just shaking his head over and over and over. "Ever actively try to overthrow the government so a genocidal maniac could take power?"

"No!" He yanked on his arm, and this time Harry let it go, so he fell back in his seat. It rocked back alarmingly on two legs; Harry pinned it down with his hands on the arms.

"Then it's not the same. And your mother's not much better — she never learned a lesson, she just figured out she was on the wrong side and tried to jump ship at the eleventh hour."

"She saved your—!"

"She saw an opportunity she could leverage and seized it. Don't pretend like she's a good person just because she spoils you; don't pretend I don't know exactly where you learned about 'mudbloods' from."

"Stop!" He couldn't listen to that anymore, he just needed him to stop, go away, let him breathe and figure out what he was saying…

"They don't deserve all this emotional energy you keep spending on them. Look at the situations they put you in! Look at what they made you do!" He yanked up Draco's arm and shoved the Dark Mark in his face so that he turned away. "Why do you keep going back to them?!"

The conversation felt like it was going too fast, and he couldn't keep up. His thoughts weren't fast enough. He could only latch onto things he knew were true. "They're my parents!"

"That doesn't mean you have to keep pouring yourself into them!" He threw down his arm.

He barely even followed what that meant, but he knew he was saying he shouldn't care, and that was hateful, horrible, and he had to strike back. "Maybe if you had parents—"

Harry's hand lashed out and slammed into the cushion beside his head — Draco flinched away with a gasp, expecting pain that didn't actually come.

"Stop…"

"Grow up," Harry said, in a hard voice, pinning him into the seat with a hand on either side of his head. "You're not an extension of your parents. If they don't deserve your respect, you can leave them behind."

"Stop!"

Harry didn't act like he heard him; he went on like he hadn't spoken, running down every one of his father's sins. Draco was out of breath, heart racing, the words hitting him like bludgeons but so fast and so loud they were nearly incomprehensible, leaving just their impressions behind like bruises on his brain. Words about how his father was evil and cruel and violent and wrong. Draco held his hand over his head like a shield, almost in tears, hating the tears, hating that he couldn't follow the words but also that he had to hear them. He put his hand over his ear to try to block them out and Harry yanked his arm down. The words weren't a lie, and he hated that most of all. His father had done those things, he had been cruel and he had served evil people and wanted things that were wrong. He couldn't deny any of it, and it didn't stop, they just kept pounding and pounding and pounding at him—

"All right!" he yelled over him. "All right, you're right! He's bad!" Only the simplest words came to him now, and even those at a monumental effort. It was just feelings he had to struggle to put voice to. "He— hurt people— I don't want to be like him!" He gripped Harry's arms to pull them down.

Harry let himself be moved, but dropped his hands onto his shoulders instead of stepping back. They felt heavy. He said something, his tone was different, but Draco couldn't really understand. Just more words. He bowed his head toward his lap, struggling to catch his breath, and his hands ended up over his face.

Harry pulled him against him and put his arms around him; Draco's head leaned into his chest, and Harry's hands were by turns rubbing his back, running through his hair, or holding the back of his head. Slowly, gradually, his breathing calmed down and he stopped shaking. He was grateful for the quiet but it left him with the uneasy feeling of guilt. He needed to apologise and he couldn't pinpoint why, but he'd started an argument without meaning to. Made Harry take care of him. Caused a scene.

Harry ran his hand down the back of his hair. "You're okay." It felt like he had said that or something like it before. Maybe several times.

"I don't…" he started slowly, and trailed off. He didn't know what he meant to say. It was so hard to think. But the yelling had stopped and he didn't want whatever he said to make it start again. Or if he didn't say anything. What was the right move?

Harry held his head gently. "I'm sure it's hard to admit your parents are wrong. I'm proud of you."

That didn't help the uneasiness. Maybe it was true, he knew it was true, but he never, ever wanted to say it. "But he's—"

"No buts." Harry squeezed the back of his head, and Draco hissed; his head was still tender and it hurt to do that. He was sure Harry didn't know. "I don't want to hear any more about them. You need to keep your mind away from them, because they're bad for you. All they ever do is hurt you and make you worse than you could be. Right?"

"…Right…" he agreed quietly. And when Harry responded to that by rubbing his back, he relaxed very slightly. Right answer.

"Remember that."

He closed his eyes and didn't try to make himself think.

When Harry pulled away and retired to another seat to write in his notebook, Draco rested his face in the corner of the cushions and half curled up there. Not sleeping, not thinking, just… existing. His brain needed the rest. His thoughts eventually started coming back, giving him more than just feelings and instincts; simple words at first, that slowly recovered into complex concepts and then actual vocabulary. He could actually think about things. He could remember some of what Harry had said, although most of it was just… impressions. But some of it was there.

"I don't know…" he started slowly, not moving from his position, back still toward Harry. He heard the scratching of the quill stop. "…what image of me you've built up in your mind… but I was never 'only parroting' my parents. I had my own opinions, unpleasant as they were. Unpleasant as you might find that."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Draco; you've never had an original thought in your life."

He pulled a sharp breath in his nose, and his shoulders tensed up, half an aborted flinch.

Harry got up and came to stand behind him. His hand rubbed his back. "What I mean is that your entire personality is a lie you've told yourself to please someone else. You don't have any convictions, you have this amazing ability to believe whatever you need to in the moment. I bet you don't even recognise it yourself, but I've been watching you, and it's clear. You're a mirror, Draco — a near flawless mirror that shows the people you want to like you what they want to see. It's actually," he bent over and kissed the top of his head, "really impressive to be so adaptable."

That didn't sound impressive. It sounded like he wasn't real.

"You just chose the worst possible people to be your core. You could have been so amazing with a better guiding light. Instead…" He sighed and picked up Draco's left hand.

Draco looked distantly at the sleeve covering his left arm. "No one made me get it," he said quietly. "Mother tried to stop me. I did it because I was so angry…"

Harry let go of his hand and ran his hand over his hair instead. "You're not supposed to be thinking about them, remember?"

"I'm thinking about me." Harry didn't leave and didn't move, just ran his hand down his hair again, and he knew that was the wrong answer. "Sorry."

Harry dropped his hand down to his shoulder and squeezed, then stepped back and let him be.

#whump writing #whumpcember2023 #whumpcember2023 day 9 #brainwashing #draco whumpee #draco malfoy whump #not a prompt whumpitlikeyoumeanit #whumpitlikeyoumeanit wrote it

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saurons-pr-department · 2 years

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On Adar, Halbrand and Secret Sauron*

[Note: This post contains mention of events from the texts of The Silmarillion, Lord of the Rings and Morgoth's Ring (vol. 10 History of Middle Earth) and so may contain spoilers for anyone watching the show who isn't already familiar with the canon. Or not, I have no idea what they will and will not decide to include in this show.]

Love it, hate it, or could not care less about it, there is big excitement across much of Tolkien fandom about Amazon's The Rings of Power. One of the biggest sources of excitement, getting quite a lot of speculation from what I've seen, is Sauron. Specifically, have we seen him yet? And if so, who is he?

We are currenlty one episode away from the season one finale and there are two characters who've really caught people's attention as potential Saurons: Adar and Halbrand.

Now, as anyone who has even glanced at this blog will know, I kinda like Sauron. [mentally insert the Marge and potato meme here]. He has been Blorbo Supreme for some years now. And as you would imagine, I have opinions. Opinions on what constitutes a good portrayal of Sauron or, probably more appropriate in this case, what constitutes good hinting at Sauron. Of course, just like everyone else online, I'm not privy to any of what's going on behind the scenes in the writers' room, and I don't keep up with any production news, meaning I have no idea if it was intentional for either of these characters to be in the running for potential Saurons. As such, I feel it would be inappropriate to try to comment on how good or not so good I think the writers' trail of breadcrumbs is. After all, if they were never trying to hint, of course the trail won't be any good. For this reason, I'm going to simply discuss these two characters and their potential Sauron-ness, or complete lack thereof, in a kind of floating void (hi Melkor!). Not ideal, I know, but like I said, I have no idea if the intention was even there in the first place to mislead people in the case of these (or should I say, one of these...) characters.

First, I want to address the case of Adar. Of the two characters we're discussing, he's the one I think makes for the more likely Sauron. Do I think he's Sauron? ...The answer is more "I hope not". To my mind, he is too boring an entrance for an already evil Sauron and too blatant an entrance for a secret Sauron and so would be a disappointment. And then we have what, for me, would be the even bigger disappointment; we would no longer have Adar! Honestly, I love the introduction of a character who is one of the original Elves to have been spirited away by Morgoth and twisted to his service. Not to mention that wonderful "Orcs (apologies Adar, I mean Uruks) are just some guys" speech that would almost certainly be reneged on should Adar turn out to be Sauron. However, the above two points pertain more to personal preference on my part and do not play a role in how believable I think Adar is as Sauron. I just couldn't resist adding them in. As for whether I think the theory of Adar being Sauron holds any water... I don't think it's bad. I don't look at people like they've gone mad when they suggest it. I do however think that he's missing something as a Sauron.

We'll start off with what I think could indicate potential traces of Sauron.

Let's start with the lowest hanging fruit. The major red flag (and currently implied to maybe be a red herring) is that he is leading an army of Orcs and that, in a recent episode, together they have 'created' the land of Mordor. I'll admit, this is probably the weakest of the hints. Stealing that sword thingy and throwing the mentos into the coke bottle, sorry, setting off Mt. Doom, is something that easily could have been delegated to an underling. I mean, technically Waldreg did it in the end, so it actually was delegated to an underling now that I think of it. Anyway, on its own Operation M(en)t(os). Doom is not really much to say "there's Wally!**".

There are however points that could be a more direct hint at Sauron himself, things that are more consistent with what we know of his history and personality. The name 'Adar' itself could be a nod towards Sauron's probably having a hand in the creation of the Orcs. I say probably because it's never directly stated that he was involved, but the Valaquenta [from the published Silmarillion] does tell us that he was involved in all of Morgoth's schemes within Arda, with something similar mentioned in Myths Transformed in Morgoth's Ring. Together these texts tell us that he was generally the one who saw that Morgoth's plans were actually seen to completion (Melkor being the accidental god of ADHD). Then there's the reverence that the Uruks show for Adar. To me, this would very much be in line with how Sauron would expect to be treated. This Maia is nothing if not self-important (as anyone familiar with the whole 'mightiest werewolf' fiasco will tell you). We know that he wants to set himself up as a God-King (I'm so sorry, I cannot for the life of me remember where I've seen Tolkien use that phrase for him!). He doesn't simply want to control his followers, he wants their worship. He doesn't want to just be in charge, he wants people to recognise his divine right to be in charge. Adar seems to have something akin to this in the Uruks who follow him.

Then we have two points that I'll admit do require a little bit of a stretch, but hopefully you'll agree it's a stretch that stays within the realms of believability. When Adar is approached by Waldreg and asked if he is Sauron, we see a look of almost disgust on his face. Later, we're led to believe that this is because Adar hates Sauron and has in fact destroyed him in order to free himself and his fellow Uruks of his tyrannous reign. We know from Aragorn in The Lord of the Rings, that 'Sauron' is not the name this character uses for himself. Which, honestly? Fair. It means the Abhorred and was bestowed upon him by his enemies. He does not use it himself and Aragorn tells us that he does not permit its use among his followers. Again, fair. If people I didn't like went around calling me 'That Fucking Bitch' I don't think I'd be rushing to adopt its use either. I certainly wouldn't go calling Sauron 'Sauron' to his face unless I had a death wish. During his reign prior to 'capture' by Númenor, he styled himself Tar-Mairon, which Tolkien translates as 'King Excellent', again driving home how highly this guy thinks of himself. I would also here like to point out that 'Mairon' is supposed to be his name before his fall. The Admirable is what it means. 'Sauron' is probably intended to be a pun on, or corruption of, this. To me Tar-Mairon is simply him using his own name, but I digress. My point is that he doesn't like being called Sauron because that's not actually his name. It's an insult. As for Adar claiming to have killed Sauron and now having noble purposes, I think it could be argued that perhaps this is a reference to how, following the War of Wrath and the capture of Morgoth, Sauron did try to repent, perhaps even genuinely [Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age, the published Silmarillion]. In both Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age and Myths Transformed, we are given information on how he did genuinely believe that Eru and the Valar had abandoned Middle Earth (or at least had successfully deluded himself into believing this), that he desired to create a better world and had at some point probably genuinely cared about the well-being of his subjects, but that he couldn't help but fall back into evil and into imitating his old master. Personally, I would not reject turning over a new leaf as the reality behind the claim that Adar has killed Sauron, but that might just be because I am a sucker for a character 'killing' their former self in order to become something new. What can I say? I'm part of the Obi Wan 'from a certain point of view' Kenobi school of thought. Now, I could talk forever about Sauron's motives and his possibly maybe trying and failing not to be evil that one time, but this post will quickly end up falling down a rabbit hole it was never meant to enter, so I will leave it at that...

There is one Adar moment (that I remember anyway, you think I remember things? no) that strikes me as distinctly un-Sauron. This would be the moment where he's almost in tears and states that he is not a god, not yet. Now, I know you're going to say "But Sorcha, wanting to be a god is so on brand for Sauron. That's as Sauron as it gets," and you would be right, but here's the thing; as I've already mentioned this guy loves himself, thinks he's the best thing since lembas bread, not to mention the fact that he has a massive cocky streak. Do we need to mention the werewolf thing again [Tale of Beren and Lúthien]? Standing on top of a temple in a lightning storm as if that was all Manwë or Eru had [Akallabêth]? How about laughing at his own evil plan so hard he didn't realise that he was about to be absolutely bodied by a giant island-sinking wave [Akallabêth]? Or what about how he is actually one of the demi gods that helped to sing the physical world into existence? Do we really think this guy is going to sit there and cry about how he's not a god or do we think he's going fume at how no one is acknowledging his brilliance and right to be their ruler? We also know that no matter what the situation, this man seems to be in a laughing mood and that the Second Age is when he seems to be carrying out his most ambitious and unhinged plans (making the One Ring [Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age], setting up a whole human sacrifice cult dedicated to Melkor and achieving immortality [Akallabêth]). Yes, yes, I know, lies and pretences are his whole thing, he's the great Deceiver and all that, but that doesn't change the fact that we often get this strong sense of a joyously cruel and self-important personality from many scenes with Sauron, even when he is lying (he doesn't pretend to be a nobody when he's pretending to be Annatar, does he?). For me, this moment for Adar doesn't match with this personality. It's not a complete misstep, but I would argue that it doesn't quite fit what we know of him.

Right! So, I have spoken way more about Adar than I intended to, and my tiny attention span is trying to Melkor its way out of writing the rest of this post. Unfortunately, I don't have a Sauron to pick up the slack for me, so I best move on to Halbrand before I give up altogether!

Halbrand. Halbrand Halbrand Halbrand. Where do I even start? Being 100% honest, I actually thought this was a crack theory when I first saw it. You know, we have this mysterious guy and we haven't seen Sauron yet so wouldn't it be funny if he was Sauron??? But then I realised that people were being serious. The guy we meet floating on a raft and then see get the shit kicked out of him by random guys who it most certainly would not suit Sauron's purposes to let humiliate him?? The guy who's kinda flirty with Galadriel, who we all know spotted Annatar's bullshit a mile away?? That guy???

There is just... so much wrong here and the connections so tenuous. Yeah, he's interested in forge work but like, so are a ridiculous number of other characters? Being a smith is a whole thing in Tolkien. Is Celebrimbor now in the running for Sauron? Maybe the reason Sauron is so tall is because he's secretly all of the Noldor and all of the Dwarves standing on each other’s shoulders and wearing a trench coat! Okay, so he's clearly not being truthful and we don't really know what his deal is. Gil-Galad, Celebrimbor and the various Durins were all rather shifty at the start in regards the Mithril situation. Míriel wasn't instantly forthcoming about the condition her father was in. Holding things back is not Sauron exclusive. My personal favourite was seeing it pointed out that he laughed once, which as I mentioned above Sauron often is described as doing but like (Jesus wept) I'm laughing right now writing this. Am I Sauron?? (this is starting to feel like that everything is cake video). I have yet to see any evidence given for Halbrand being Sauron that is actually specific to Sauron and not the vaguest of grasping at straws.

This is of course without even going into how Sauron is supposed to arrive in Númenor. A prized prisoner who quickly silver-tongues his way into Ar-Pharazôn's ear, allowing him to become High Priest of the temple of Melkor. He allows only the briefest of humiliations against his person before viciously tearing apart their little island society by the already rotten seams. The random cast away found half dead on a raft is.... not this.

For me, the biggest hole in the idea that he is secretly Sauron is that Halbrand is neither positioning himself to be helpful to anyone, nor is he positioning himself as important. Galadriel is, but he's not doing it himself. For a while he's been trying to insist that he wants to be just some guy. But one theme that runs through Sauron's big Second Age schemes (being Annatar in Eregion and allowing himself as Tar-Mairon to be Númenor's prisoner) is that he establishes himself as someone useful to those he would manipulate and that he somehow has the connections to back up that usefulness. It's how he gets them. He finds something they desperately want and lets them think that he is the person who can get it for them. For the Elves, it was the chance to create a Valinor in Middle Earth or at least to heal the hurts of the First Age. For the Men of Númenor, it was to rip immortality from the hands of the Valar who were withholding it from them. Maybe it's to do with his pride, but he doesn't do the random guy who gets into a brawl with nobodies in a back ally for a bit of petty theft. In his head, he's Middle Earth's saviour. Everything would be perfect if everyone just did what he told them to. Even in all his lying and scheming and manipulating, elements of the belief that he is just what this world needs seem to come through. Just look at his 'disguise' as Annatar. He's 'The Lord of Gifts', a follower of Aulë, a Maia, an emissary of the Valar come to guide the Elves. There is so much of him as Sauron in this deception. Now, I could see a certain amount of practicality in being honest that he is a Maia. It allows him to use his powers for the making of the Rings as well as allowing him to really manipulate those complex feeling the Elves in Middle Earth would have towards the West. But I would also argue that there's just a limit to how much he is willing to lower himself, even for a plot as important as trying to bring the Elves under his sway. This is something that the character of Halbrand is missing.

Now, would I trust this man around a Ring of Power? No, probably not. I wouldn't turn my nose up at him becoming an eventual Ring Wraith. He seems suitably conflicted in what he wants to be caught up by the pull of a Ring. Is he Sauron though? No. Zero Sauron vibes. -1000000/10. If he turns out to be Sauron, I'm rage-quitting my telly and never turning it on again. He's also about as interesting as a wet sock, which is not something that could be said about Sauron.

If we're going to see a character who turns out to be Sauron, for me the most believable and most realistic would be a character who initially seems too good to be true. They have something to offer. Something others want. And they are going to be so obliging as to help, because they also believe in all the things we do. They're on our side. Their help is invaluable and oh so precious…

*Secret Sauron the festive celebration where you are gifted magical rings no strings attached we promise

**Waldo for the Americans and their strange ways

#mairon #sauron #adar #halbrand #trop #oh yeah we're going in the tags with this one #lads i had too many thoughts #i'm so sorry #i lost it a little bit at the halbrand bit #i couldn't help it #i just... aaaaahhhhhhhhh

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justanartisticduck · 2 years

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Seriously, if all it took for your Roy to become evil was a machine, he probably wasn't that good of a person before-

Warning: this ramble includes stuff related to death, murder, very brief mention of mafia type stuff (Roy’s family is wild-), and grief. Please look elsewhere if these topics make you uncomfortable.

Edit post-rambling: I uh accidentally went off track and like rambled abt half the backstory in a nutshell so uh sorry that this goes off track I promise I’ll get to my point but y’all know how I get when I get asked abt dhmis stuff-

Well… yeah kinda! I mean Roy likely did have bad thoughts and such before the machine but back then he had a moral compass, he had a family he did love… but the machine gave him ideas… chances he couldn’t give up or let go… he kind of went mad with power in a way I suppose, and also note this didnt just happen overnight lol- these changes and thoughts began happening really during the machines production but it wasn’t until the machine was finished that he really just… snapped- and then once he began making his plans for punish land he was more open to more… violent situations… so when his wife came into the picture he realized that these plans were now threatened… and he would do ANYTHING to make these plans happen- even if it meant sacrificing his own wife to his plans. It broke him to do this and although he felt grief and regret… all it meant to him was that his plans would now no longer be shared.. also this comes up later and kinda explains why the trio were put into the simulation in the first place!! When Red saw Tony and all the rest of his friends get turned into teachers he ran off- this caught Roy’s attention and Red WAS meant to be turned into a teacher aswell in that moment but he got away- from there Roy assumed Red had already told Robin/Duck of his plans (and Doi would’ve likely found out too) so not only did Roy go to take his son home (which wouldn’t have ended great for Doi :( ) but also, once Robin got in the way, he did not hesitate to try to kill them (and I WILL show these scenes in the future of my bad end comic thingy cuz in between chapters I plan on giving small hints of backstory stuff :P) then Red yet again came in the situation and saved his family and this is where Roy decides to separate the trio through the use of the simulation (then kill duck, trap his son in his machine, and leave Red with no more friends/family in the end…)

AHEM uh uhm sorry I got off track I forgot I was answering a specific question halfway through my ramble and just shared like a lot of backstory stuff lol I promise I will explain this all better later BUT back on track we see that his new plans give him the mindset that his plans NEED to happen nor can anyone know them.. and if that threat occurs he will not hesitate to kill or find a way to keep that person from sharing such plans- (typically his choices are kill, make into teacher, or, in some cases, both) Now I forgot to add that Roy isnt entirely new to this behavior either- his family has always been in the business department however their business was more… violent- (they owned a mafia of sorts, and this behavior was their main tactic on striking down anyone who threatened their group-) so Roy was already not entirely “innocent” to these types of things but when he got older he got a food business, he got a beautiful wife and child, he was even making a show!! But.. the machine brought him power- power that truly corrupted him and he would do ANYTHING to keep that power… it brought him back to his old roots and he remembered the things his family did to keep their power… trap and/or kill those who threatened it.

#Dhmis #dont hug me im scared #don’t hug me i’m scared #dhmis roy #roy gribbleston #tw death #tw murder #Uhmmmm idk how else to tag this post uh #ask to tag

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bridgeportbritt · 3 years

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The Toxicity of Royal Simblr

alright guys. I was kind of hoping I wouldn’t have to make a post about this or that it would just go away. But, I’m seeing now that this is not the case. As the owner of the Royal Discord Community, I along with others in the community feel like this behind the scenes toxic behavior needs to be addressed because it’s been going on for a while now and a lot of people have been affected.

Please note that the intention is to bring attention to some of the toxic behaviors shown here so those involved will not continue further. We’ve blocked names of some people in the following screenshots to remove their identity as this is not about he said/she said stuff. It’s about bringing light to something that’s been affecting all of us.

This is a long post so be prepared to do some reading if you continue on. The following screenshots were provided to me because I took over the Royal Discord once the previous admins no longer wanted it. The rest is under the cut.

*Before you read on, I’m happy to let you know that a resolution has come since this initial post. Please read this post. Thank you!*

A lot of these messages are disheartening because myself, the other admins/mods, and the community as a whole has worked hard to bring the community back from a place where people honestly felt too scared to join because messages like these were playing in the background and this sentiment seeps into every part of Royal Simblr unfortunately. Due to how things were run previously on top of this toxic underbelly it’s made people hesistant to join in.

There is one thing I’d like to address first as it was directed at myself and I want to own up to anything I have done in this. When I first joined Royal Simblr, I participated in a Royal Sim Pageant. In one of the rounds, derogatory and racist remarks against Asians were made without the participants knowing. I truly regret to have been apart of it. When it was brought to my attention, I worked to correct the damage done with the owners of the pageant. I’m not perfect and don’t claim to be, but I’m always working to be better especially when it comes to correctly representing other cultures as it’s something I take very seriously.

To preface these messages, there are two things to know. There are two seperate servers. Server A) The server I’ve been admin of for a little over a month after the last admin transferred it to me. Server B) A smaller server that was created before Server A and made up a lot of the folks who also created and ran the Server A initially. The other thing is most of these people are not in Server A and haven’t been in over a month.

The conversation you see here started with a member of the community being accused of copying storylines. This person being accused is in Server A and this conversation took place in Server B on July 15, 2021.

The person speaking is saying they left Server A because a person is accused of copying storylines. For some reason, the whole community is then somehow involved in this as the conversation shifts. The person accused of copying happened to be a moderator in Server A which is mentioned.

From what I’ve seen from this server, this is fairly common behaviour and multiple people have been bullied, accused of copying, etc. many stemming from this server.

In this shot, Server A is put into question. Many stating they left because they don’t want to pretend to be positive or show interest in other stories as if they are being forced to. As you can see one person states that this is not the case of the server since I’ve been admin and don’t encourage people to show fake positivity.

However, this person is actually in Server A which I’m guessing is why they decided to sort of defend it. But, then they agree that those running Server A are questionable (ie myself and the other admins/mods).

More of the same, but speaking about the previous ownership of the server when referring to being asked to step down. Also more just toxic talk about the entire Royal simblr community for no reason. This comes from those who have “built the community” and “do so much for it.” But behind closed doors this is what is done.

In this shot, those in Server A are accused of not “making an effort to be anyone’s friend” with those who rarely interact, being nice to each other for clout, and just overall being fake. Although, keep in mind, one of these people (”I stay for the drama”) is in Server A and never expressed any of this to me or other admins. Yet talking trash about us in Server B. Note: the pageant is also brought up here which I’ve addressed above and I believe I was the only admin or moderator apart of the pageant.

Here they make fun of people speaking about their stories and other people encouraging them. Also, just want to point out if anyone ever feels unwelcomed in the server, please reach out to me of the other admins. It’s our goal to make everyone welcome, but we can’t do that if we don’t know. Also, being a jerk to people in another server for no reason isn't really a good way to make friends.

Some general nonsense about the server and those in the server. Again most of these people haven’t been in the server since I took over so sentiments about the status of the server are all from a month ago when those in Server B were in charge of Server A. The “felt like a corporation” and “crickets” is all things we’ve been working to reverse since we’ve taken it over.

In these shots, it’s talked about how so many people are stuck in their Royal stories and don’t plan methodically and decorate and how they take bad screenshots. Basically making fun of everyone else because they aren’t doing things exactly as they are or think they should be done. The community they “built” mind you. Then, they talk about some plan to rejoin Server A and bait people, but not wanting to get caught up so deciding against it.

This gives you a gist of what is happening in the Royal Simblr community. Some of the most beloved and talented among us are spending their time poking fun at everyone else, bullying, and being toxic in a server that is “not exclusive.” Many of my friends have been apart of this and even got swept into the toxicity which shows you the nature of this group. It’s very exclusive and meant to bully and mock others even going as far as making people want leave the community alrogether.

This is not me trying to bash anyone or continue bullying or single out these people specifically as bad people. There are a lot more screenshots that I did not share of just really mean stuff, but we’ve all done messed up stuff. I won't say who said what or even who had this particular conversation because at this point it doesn't matter, but I will address those who are in the server and actively participate in toxic conversations including @royaldevilliers @thesimsroyalfam @wa-royal-tea @royalfamilyofgrimalldi and @markinghamroyals

We all have a vision for the community and we’ve been working towards that and this is NOT it. It’s not about who’s best or being being better than everyone else. It’s supposed to be about community, sharing stories, and overall just having a good time with a fun HOBBY. Others are just taking it too far and too seriously. Things like this ruin it for EVERYONE.

When I took over Server A, no one interacted, people were nervous to join, and it was a place where people didn’t feel welcomed. Now, we just had a random 6 hour server stream yesterday, people are helping people daily and sharing their stories again. This is what we want for the community. But with behavior like this, we will NEVER get there.

To those who are doing this, please look at these nasty messages and see how this does so much harm. The toxic energy you bring does not stop just because it’s in your little bubble.

This is who you want to be known as?

This is how you want to “build a community?”

None of us are perfect and we don’t expect you to be either, but this is just mean especially to folks who haven’t done anything to you and even look up to you.

To those who’ve been affected by this, I’m really sorry. We have to do better if we want this community to continue and be a good place for us all.

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tweedlydumbtweedlydoo · 3 years

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Live Stream Murderer (Part 2) | Spencer Reid x reader

Requested by @thatsonezesty13 / Summary: You’re kidnapped by the Live Stream Murderer, who is in search of his soulmate. He tortures the women for 36 hours and whoever lasts that long is in his eyes; his soulmate. Will you make it through the 36 hours of torture?

| Part 1 |

A/N: here is part 2! Thank you for all the attention on part 1! I love seeing all the likes, reblogs and comments, especially the ones asking to be tagged so they don’t miss the next part! <3 hopefully you all enjoy this one as much as part 1!! xx

*possible trigger warning and could spoil the ending of part 2 for you; blood, talks of death, description of a bloody and headless person

Tag list is at the end. Let me know if you want to be added xx

**MASTERLIST**

Requests: {OPEN} CLOSED

** Rules for Requesting **

** Who I Write For **

********************************************************************************************NOT MY GIF, CREDIT TO OWNERS

Your head was pounding, and you could feel your body was weak from the torture. How long had you been passed out? The last thing you remembered was a hot poker penetrating your side. There sitting in front of you was the man who would probably haunt your nightmares for forever.

He wore a sickening smile, “Hi.. I was wondering when you would wake up.” He stood up and held a red straw to your lips.

“Fuck you.” You whispered weakly. There was no telling what was in that drink and you weren’t about to find out.

He frowned, “But you’ve made it 28 hours.. only 8 more and you’ll be,” His fingers went to caress your cheek, but you revolted at his touch, “my soulmate.” He said the last word like he was in a loving haze.

You’d made it through 28 hours with this psychopath? You watched as the man went to the storage closet and pulled out multiple instruments and set them on the table next to you. He clicked a button on a remote and the camera in front of you flashed a red button. You figured it was live streaming now and there was a chance the whole world was watching this freak torture you; including Spencer.

Oh, Spencer. Your heart felt overwhelmed at the thought of him. He’d suffered the loss of Maeve and you worried he would never recover. This was probably bringing those terrible emotions back to the surface.

“I have to see if you can withstand more pain.” His voice was behind you and then a knife cutting the ties off your left arm. If you weren’t weak, you’d try to fight him with one hand, but with your injuries suffered so far and the knife still in your leg, there wasn’t much to do.

“I have to see if you’re my soulmate.” His fingers gripped your upper arm, “This might hurt.”

Your breathing increased as you wondered what was next. Your eyes fixated on the camera in front of you and you tried to focus on the one thing that made you happy. The one thing you loved most in this world. Spencer Reid.

It was a trick you’d been taught during your training. You were keeping your mind preoccupied by coming up with various scenes, happy scenes. Spencer’s face crossed your mind and suddenly you were transported to a library. You were sitting across Spencer, books in front of the both of you. You could see him peeking every once and a while to look at you. You knew because you were doing the same thing to him.

“If you keep staring at me, we aren’t ever going to get this finished.”

His fingers continued to dance across the page as he read and he gave a small smile, “I’m not staring at you.”

“Okay.” You shut your book, amused, “Tell me what you just read.”

His fingers stopped and he knew he’d been caught. He finally looked up at you, “I have no idea what I just read.”

You let out a laugh, “Spencer Reid!” You stood, “We have to finish this paper for Dr. Johnson’s class!” Grabbing the two books on the table, you headed toward a row of library books, “These don’t have what I need.”

In this imaginary world you and Spencer were young, college students. It was a normal life with no danger. No BAU. No cases. Just you and Spencer living a normal life.

“I’m sorry!” He chuckles, standing to follow you. He stops behind you as you put the two books back on the shelves, “how am I supposed to concentrate when I’m in front of the most beautiful girl in this universe?”

You turned around and faced him, “Spencer Reid.”

“y/n y/l/n.” He copied your tone, brushing a piece of hair behind your ear, “I love you.” Those three words. You wanted to hear it again.

“Say it again.” Your fingers wrapped around his wrist as he cupped your cheek.

His other hand cupped your other cheek and subconsciously caressed your cheek with his thumb, “I love you.”

You let out a scream as the man pulled on your arm, dislocating your shoulder from it’s socket. No no.. take me back. Take me back to standing there with Spencer in that library where you heard the words you’d wished he’d confess.

How much more of this could you take? How much more could anyone take? This was an insane amount of pain and all you wanted to do was sleep. You wanted to give up.

You sobbed, finally breaking, “Please stop.. just please.”

“I can’t.” He sighs, “36 hours.” He taps the watch on his wrist.

You were fading, or at least you wanted to fade away. You’d been strong during all this because you knew you’d get to see Spencer again. He’d been the one to keep you going during this, but right now you don’t know how much more you could take. You wanted to make it through this just to be able to tell him how you felt. Your thoughts slowed and the darkness consumed you.

As soon as the live stream was posted, Penelope began working her magic. However, it was still proven to be a challenge on pinpointing the location.

He had to watch as the man pulled your arm out of it’s socket and listen to your screams of agony. He’d kill him. He knew if he’d ever see this man he’d kill him with his own bare hands for harming you in this way, such a public way.

“Please.. please hang on just a bit longer.” He pleaded to the screen.

More disappointment as the live stream cut off when your eyes went closed. You’d passed out from the overwhelming amount of pain and exhaustion.

8 hours later there was another livestream, but this time there wasn’t anyone seated in the chair. You were gone and his mind went to worst. You’d lost the battle.

“I’ve got it! I’ve got the location!” Penelope yelled through the comms, the location immediately sent to everyone’s phone.

There wasn’t time to think as everyone rushed out the door and toward the known location. However, when they arrived, it was Hotch and JJ who went in first. As Spencer followed, Hotch immediately came back out stopping him at the door.

“You don’t need to go in there.”

Spencer was confused, “What? Why not?” He tried to push passed Hotch again and the look on JJ’s face told him everything he needed to know. “Let me see!”

Hotch lost the grip on the determination of Spencer and he passed through the door way. Spencer skitted to a stop at the sight before him. No no no.

His knees his the floor. This wasn’t happening again, please no. He silently begged. “No! No no!” He couldn’t help the sobs that overcame his body.

There in the middle of the room laying on a blanket where the chair had been was your headless body in a pool of blood.

Criminal Minds tag list: @thelovelydreamer17 , @la-vie-en-amour1 , @mrs-joel-pimentel-23-25 , @astra-inclinant-sed-non-obligant (possibly: @astra-x-inclinant) , @bluerose512 , @lolychu , @varsityalthete , @televisiondreamstomorrow , @harry-hollands , @lumineshawn , @lyss-xo , @rexorangecouny , @sassy-hades , @britishspidey , @ateez-star

***i’ve added all the ones asked to be tagged in this story to my criminal minds tag list because I only have taglists by the shows and/or character I write for instead of specific stories. In the future if you’d like to be taken off the list, just shoot me a message! xx

All my works tag list: @blossomreed , @mggstyles , @simonsbluee , @thewolf-and-thesheep , @obxrafejjwhore , @abbiesthings , @itstaskeen , @reniescarlett

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catty-words · 3 years

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on the school dance fallout or, a thorough examination of the boys’ apologies to julie

full disclosure, i used to take serious issue with 1.06 for what it did to julie’s righteous anger in light of the boys letting her down, and my gripes haven’t fully gone away. but i have spent some time thinking on the fallout since my first (several) viewing(s) of the show and i finally noticed some emotionally nuanced storytelling that i needed time to come to appreciate. so, if you’ll indulge me another gif-filled meta post...

everyone knows that a good apology demonstrates an understanding of how you wronged the person you’re apologizing to, otherwise the words i’m sorry end up being fairly empty. and luckily for the boys, julie does a good job of immediately and effectively communicating her hurt feelings:

the first part is directed at luke specifically as her main co-writer, while the rest is about how all three of them let her down. it couldn’t be more clear that the reason she’s so betrayed is that a) they’ve made her feel like julie and the phantoms is less important to them than sunset curve and b) they’ve failed to consider her point of view or empathize with how important the show was to her.

which is why singing sorry a bunch of times, though charming, leaves her unmoved. and it’s why booking another gig actually makes her angrier. a gig the boys have deemed important enough to show up for is not a present or an olive branch to her, it’s a slap in the face. and if the boys had actually been paying attention to what she’d said the night of the dance, they could have anticipated her reaction.

but they clearly haven’t listened, so they haven’t learned how to do better or make things right. which is why this is such an important beat in the scene in the studio:

hounding julie to rejoin the band, even with such nice sentiments as “you’re the best thing that’s happened to us since we became ghosts”, does nothing to address how undervalued julie feels getting stood up because, as she points out above, their ability to do what they love is very limited without her. that makes her a powerful and essential member of the band, but it doesn’t prove that they care about her, julie, the person. and you can see in the reaction shot how the truth of her words lands for all of them.

their remorseful silence gives julie the opportunity to reiterate one of the points she made the night before, and it’s important to note which part of her hurt feelings she chooses to revisit.

the fact that they made the choice to pay more attention to their old music in spite of the music they were creating together is the thing that hurt her feelings the most. and, of course, her open hostility and her imagined reasons for why the boys picked sunset curve over julie and the phantoms (i.e. selfishness) puts luke on the defensive and ends with everyone leaving the scene dissatisfied.

great! okay, so here’s the part that’s bugged in the past (and the present, just. a little less so.) — in their attempt to deescalate the situation, alex and reggie give julie, and the audience, the all-important luke backstory. but like asking julie to rejoin the band with a shinier gig than a school dance flies in the face of actually making amends, so, too, does asking julie to empathize with luke’s emotional journey when the boys failed to take julie’s into account when they hurt her. only this time, it works as an olive branch.

now, i’m not saying that julie’s acting out of character in being sympathetic to luke’s pain, quite the opposite is the case. and i’m also not saying it’s bad that she does find sympathy for his situation — again, i’d argue that the opposite is true. it’s just, at the same time, it’s not a good look to force aside the young woman of color’s hurt in service of the white dude who hurt her feelings in the first place’s tragic backstory. the narrative is asking julie not to be mad at the choices luke made in the past two episodes because he’s really sad, actually.

and sure that’s an ungracious read of the moment, but i stand by the fact that it’s present in the text of the episode all the same, even with a little more nuance than i’m currently giving it credit for.

all that being said, alex and reggie do a bit to win back this highly insensitive maneuver with another stab at an apology.

alex addresses julie’s comment about them knowing “how tough it’s been for her to play” by reiterating that not showing up let her down and they get that that’s a crappy way to feel, while reggie takes a crack at julie’s “our songs were good” by emphasizing that they all love being in a band and making music with her. it’s a slight step up from their sorry in the garage, but not a complete fix because they’re all still sitting with the fact that they need julie to make the most of their music and how that complicates their declarations of loyalty.

the thing that makes this attempt at reconciliation different than those prior, of course, is this line:

the acknowledgement that things haven’t been fixed + the politeness + the implication that they’re willing to put in the time to earn her trust back so long as she lets them makes the apology a good enough one to accept. well, that, and:

one gets the sense that if rose could actually speak to julie in that moment, she’d be reminding her the value of grace. and, of course, we know that this also serves as a reminder to julie that good things are fleeting, loss is around every corner, and holding close what you care about is important. so she does just that by letting go of her (righteous, righteous) anger and reuniting the band.

still, even though alex and reggie have had their chance to make amends, luke doesn’t get the same moment to show he’s actually paid attention to julie’s needs in 1.06. so, naturally, he starts immediately in their first scene together in 1.07.

i mentioned in my exhaustive list for “finally free” that julie picking a sunset curve song for their reunion number is a lovely, understated way for her acknowledge luke’s lost musical legacy, and i have similar feelings about the fact that luke suggests “edge of great” for their follow-up gig. it’s his first step in proving to her that he does care about the music they’ve written together with actions instead of empty apologies and misguided gestures.

by the end of the episode, though, the three of them take a step back (reggie gets points for his being, like, half a step) when they learn that, in addition to letting down julie, one of the consequences of their night chasing revenge is a ticking clock on their existence.

though i understand the urge to protect julie from the alarming news that their power is going out, there’s also a lot of selfishness behind the decision. julie loses them in the end no matter what, but lying to her about it and planning to leave without an explanation shows a disregard for her emotional journey in a similar way standing her up did. in fact, this plan is basically to stand her up for eternity. not cool, guys.

naturally, since it’s luke who’s the one proposing the terrible plan and it’s luke who never officially demonstrated his understanding of how he hurt julie’s feelings by not showing up when it mattered, it’s fitting that he’s suddenly more in tune with his own feelings. and, with that, comes a new awareness of how his and julie’s feelings interact, starting with this moment in 1.08.

you can see his conflict over her declaration. she’s worried without knowing just how much there is to be worried about, and that makes him sad because it’s confirmation of the fact that he’s important to her. that losing him will mean a lot of pain for her. but instead of cluing her in, he makes a conscious choice to continue withholding the information of his imminent departure. and maybe it’s such a weak deflection because he’s already starting to come to terms with how unfair he’s being to her, but even so, he’s not being a good friend when julie is showing up for him in big, unexpected ways he’d never even thought to ask for.

and again, here —

— just after they’ve acknowledged that there’s a something and not a nothing between them, you can see him sober with the thought that she doesn’t know they’re about to lose each other. but it’s still not enough to move him to share. maybe because he prefers that she live with the possibility of that something when he no longer can, maybe because he’s too caught up in his own feelings about how crappy this hand they’ve been dealt by the universe is. but in any case, he keeps tight-lipped.

UNTIL.

it’s seeing her excited about a future their music can’t have that finally pushes him into coming clean. and i love how subtly this demonstrates that he has been paying attention, actually, and he knows that what hurt julie the most was the feeling that their music took a backseat to his past. if he crosses over without telling her the whole, ugly truth about the mistake he made by standing her up, then he crosses over stuck in that mistake. because part of that whole, ugly truth is the beautiful realization that no music is worth making, julie, if we’re not making it with you. and he’s not quite at that particular aspect of his truth yet — he still has to experience the what if of caleb’s club to be able to make the declaration with the conviction he does — but when he finally does tell her that and means it, she’s given the catharsis she’s needed since the dance. because he’s backing up his apology with action (i.e. being willing to literally no longer exist instead of making music with someone else) and providing her with the same consideration she showed him when she rejoined the band because his loss felt more important than her anger. and reaching that level of give and take in their relationship, physically represented in their hug, finally sets them free.

so, yes. even though 1.06 is clunky and a little tasteless at times, i can acknowledge that the story manages to win any missteps back. quite poetically, honestly. all’s forgiven.

#julie and the phantoms #jatpedit #jatp meta #julie molina #luke patterson #reggie peters #alex mercer #gifs by catty #long post #am i disappointed with myself for not being able to include any gifs from 1.09 because i reached the limit already #yes. absolutely.#should i have split this post into two parts to fit it all?#maybe so #will i do anything about it?#obviously not #FATED BANDMATES #melody & words #together my cats can queue anything

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theladyofdeath · 3 years

Text

I’ll Be Seeing You {5}

Nesta x Cassian, 1940′s AU

Collaboration with @snelbz

Summary: After Cassian gets injured in the war, he’s taken to a war camp to be cared for until he gains enough strength to return to his battalion. While he’s there, he falls for a nurse that couldn’t care less about his title and doesn’t put up with his bullshit. Once he’s healed and the years pass by, he finds that there’s only one thing he wants to remember from the war, and she’s only a letter away.

Trigger Warnings: war, blood

Chapters will be posted every Monday.

Word Count: 2429

IBSY Masterlist

Shelby’s Masterlist

Tara’s Masterlist

“How do they look?”

Nesta removed the bandages, slowly, from Cassian's back. They didn’t look great, had looked far better the day before, but they had certainly been worse.

“A little discharge we have to keep our eye on, but nothing to worry about,” she promised. “How did you sleep last night, Major?”

“I can’t complain,” he said, sighing as she began to clean his wounds. “Only woke up a handful of times. I’ve certainly had worse nights of sleep. And you? How did you sleep, Nurse?”

“Well enough,” she said, as she eyed the book that sat beside his cot, the leather band that typically tied his hair back being used as a bookmark a few chapters in. “I see you’re enjoying the western.”

Cassian’s back straightened. He’d been caught. “It’s….decent enough.”

“Decent enough?” she repeated, amused, as she dabbed the wound with alcohol. Cassian hissed, even though it was quiet. “Admit that you’re a fan of Alexander Hillsworth.”

Cassian scoffed. “Alexander Hillsworth is a wannabe cowboy. It’s pathetic.”

“Mhmm,” Nesta crooned, continuing to work.

“Daisy, though,” Cassian went on. “She seems….nice.”

Nesta suppressed her grin. “She-.”

Her sentence was cut off by commotion going on outside of the tent. Everyone’s attention swiveled to the tent flaps as they were thrown open, and a group of soldiers hurried inside, carrying a fallen man, Madja close on their heels.

She stood there, frozen for a moment as she took in the gore covering the soldiers, the way the man’s arm hung in bloody ribbons. What was left of it at least. His leg hadn’t been as fortunate.

“Go.”

She looked down at Cassian, who was watching the scene unfold in front of them. She still had the bottle of alcohol in her hand, had barely begun to clean up his wounds, though she’d removed the bandage from his entire back. He jerked his chin towards the battered man they were carefully moving on a cot. “Go. They need you.”

“Your back—.”

“My back is nothing compared to that. That man might not make it the next hour. You need to go help him.”

Nesta nodded, her feet moving before her mind caught up with her.

It never got easier, seeing the blood, seeing the inside of a human being. Nesta didn’t focus on that, though, she focused on the man being laid on the table at the far end of the room. His eyes were wide open, glazed but panicked.

Nesta stood above his head as Madja and another nurse began to look at his wounds.

“Soldier, can you hear me?” Nesta asked, getting close to his face, so that she was all he could see. He met her eyes. “Keep your eyes on me, okay?”

Madja began working on the man’s arm while another nurse began stitching up his leg.

So much blood.

Too much blood.

He had already lost more blood than they knew.

The man’s eyes began to fade, but Nesta shook her head. “You must stay awake, soldier.”

“Nesta, press this against his wound,” Madja said, then hurried away to get the tools she needed from the cupboard.

Nesta pressed the already blood-soaked rag into the man’s arm, where his wounds were the worst.

It was no use, though.

It was too bad.

He’d already lost too much blood.

Nesta pressed the rag into the wound, though, minimizing the blood loss.

She could feel death hovering outside the tent. Glancing back up at his face, she found the man was nearly unconscious again, but the soldiers who carried him were still nearby. “What happened?” She asked, tossing her head to try and get the loose hair that had fallen out of her braid out of her face.

“Artillery shell,” the oldest of the men said. The other two looked to him, as if he were the leader amongst them. With how young they all were, she assumed he must be. “Landed just a few feet from where he was laid out. He took a few bad shots to the chest before the shell went off.”

Nesta used her other hand, already covered with blood to move the man’s shirt out of the way. Sure enough, there were bullet wounds in his chest, and not in a place that would heal easily.

Shit. She couldn’t mutter the word out loud, couldn’t let the soldiers think it was something they couldn’t handle, so she chanted the word in her head. Shit shit shit shit shit.

Madja came back with a series of surgical tools and got to work. Nesta remained where she was, rag in hands pressed to the wound that was bleeding out.

The soldier’s eyelids began to flutter shut again.

“No,” Nesta snapped and got in his face, once again. “No, no, no, no,” she repeated, her voice getting louder with each one that came out. “Madja, he’s fading.”

But Madja wasn’t moving anymore.

She had stilled.

“Madja!” Nesta yelled.

Madja slowly set the tools down on the table before her and said, “He’s gone.”

Nesta looked back into the face of the man to find his absent eyes staring at the top of the tent. Nesta’s hands were still pressed into his wound.

“Surely there can be something-.”

“He’s gone, Nurse Archeron,” Madja said, quietly. “You should go clean yourself and return to the patients.”

She stepped back, nodding, and swallowed harshly. Hurrying towards the tent entrance, she wiped her hands on her apron, removing it and dropping it and the bloody rag into the soiled laundry bin. She heard Madja give the soldiers instructions on where to take the young man’s body, which the younger of the two tended to, while the eldest man filled Madja in on who he was, what battalion he belonged to. She blocked out the answers as Madja asked if he had any living family. She didn’t need to know, didn’t want to know.

Pushing through the tent flaps, Nesta nearly dragged her hands down her face, but she remembered that the dead soldier's blood coated her hands, even if most of it had been wiped off on her apron. She hurried across the camp, to the small area where fresh water was brought for baths every day, and grabbed one of the smaller pitchers, as well as a small pile of rags and a bar of soap that was no more than a sliver. The camp mothers said nothing as Nesta stalked off to a quiet tree and sat down, splashing water onto a rag. It was almost warm after having sat in the sun all morning, but everything felt cold to Nesta as she rubbed the soap over her damp hands and scrubbed. She scrubbed and scrubbed until the blood was gone and her hands were red and raw, but still, she kept scrubbing.

She didn’t stop until a tan, calloused hand wrapped around her wrist, making her pause. After it was clear she was done with the unnecessary scrubbing, he let go of her wrist. Cassian, wearing a loose, cotton shirt, dropped down next to her by the tree.

“You should be in bed,” was her only words of greeting.

“I’m not tired,” he replied, simply, planting himself in the grass with a grunt.

“You should be in bed, anyway,” she snapped. “You’re injured, you’re in no condition to-.”

“Here,” he said, holding out a couple of cigarettes and one of the small bottles of whiskey that had come from the care packages sent to them a few days prior.

Nesta blinked, her anger fading, just for a second. “What is this?”

“You need it,” he said, outstretching his hand. “Here.”

Nesta stared at his hand for a moment before taking a cigarette and the bottle. She cleared her throat, “Thanks.”

Cassian nodded and put the other cigarette between his lips. He took out a match and lit the tip, then lit Nesta’s.

“Thanks,” she said, quietly. She took one drag then coughed, quietly.

“Been a while?” Cassian asked.

Nesta repeated the motion, and blew a cloud of smoke. “Something like that.”

Cassian nodded and remained quiet for a moment.

After a moment, Nesta asked, “What are you doing out here, Cassian?”

“I’ve done enough battlefield patching up to know how hard it is to lose a man.” He took a longer drag, holding it in for longer than she would have suggested before exhaling. “It’s not easy. And you sure as hell shouldn’t be alone after that.”

She swallowed harshly, but nodded, fighting the tears filling her eyes. Clearing her throat, she said, “It’s something I’ve had to become used to. I suspect it’s something I’ll have to deal with quite a bit more before this war is over.”

He nodded, not saying anything. He knew she was right, no matter how much he wished it weren’t so.

She toyed with the cap of the whiskey bottle in her hands. “I’m surprised Madja let you out of bed.”

“She was a little bit preoccupied when I left. Though I didn’t exactly ask for permission to go anywhere,” he admitted, taking the bottle from her and opening it. The wax seal came loose and he handed it to her.

She gave him a look of pure disapproval before taking the bottle. “You know, there’s a reason we give you specific instructions.”

“You know how I feel about staying in bed,” Cassian muttered.

Nesta took a sip from the whiskey bottle before handing it to Cassian. He looked at it for a moment before taking it and taking a swig.

His face contorted as he swallowed it. “I can’t wait for a decent glass of whiskey.”

Nesta snorted, even though there was no emotion behind it.

“I guess it does the trick though, doesn’t it?” He asked, handing the bottle back.

Nesta nodded, taking a bigger sip this time. “Yeah, that it does.”

Cassian looked down and froze before he slowly reached over and grabbed her wet, bloodied rag.

Nesta jumped back as he reached for her. “What are you doing?”

“You missed a spot,” he replied, softly, and when he reached for her arm again, she didn’t move.

He flipped her arm over and just below her elbow, Cassian began to wipe off a patch of nearly-dried blood, that cigarette dangling from between his lips.

Her throat felt tight, but she let him clean her up. It was quiet between the two of them for a few minutes, as they passed that cheap whiskey back and forth between them. Finally, Nesta breathed, “It’s never going to get easier, is it? Seeing… seeing death?”

He looked over at her and for a second, she wondered if he’d even answer. “I won’t lie to you, I’ve been on the front since the day the war started. I’ve seen battles that ended in victories and some that I was lucky to walk off the battlefield. I’ve lost some good friends.” He paused at that and looked out into the trees they were camped in. “I still see the face of every man I’ve lost and every man I’ve killed. Death isn’t easy. I’d be worried if you told me it didn’t affect you. But the fact that it does tells me you’ve got a good heart, and that you’re even here, helping take care of us, tells me what kind of person you are.”

Nesta followed his gaze, over the rolling hills and the gemstone-colored treetops.

“I could see myself loving a woman like you.”

Nesta’s eyes jerked to Cassian, but his eyes were still fixed on the woods beyond.

“You hardly know me,” she said, quietly, even as her heart began to beat a little bit faster.

“I like what I know,” he replied, without missing a beat.

Nesta chuckled, and shook her head. “I think you’re a little drunk, Major. Between the whiskey and those pain meds.”

“You know what they say about the drunk,” Cassian said, and met her gaze, at last. “They say what’s on their minds and they tell the truth.”

Nesta’s eyes narrowed as her cheeks turned a soft shade of pink. “Well, I think you’ve been reading too much of that romance novel and your heart is going soft. Perhaps you’re lovesick.”

Cassian’s grin was heartstopping. “Blame it on Daisy.”

Despite herself and what she had just endured, Nestas head fell back and she laughed.

“You’ve only just begun reading it!” She protested. “How can you grow to like a character so quickly?”

Cassian shrugged, lighting another cigarette. “I like how she’s described.”

“Mhmm,” Nesta crooned, “and how is she described? Do tell.”

“Let’s see,” Cassian began, looking up at the sky. “Gorgeous, with the voice of an angel. And, apparently, she has quite the wardrobe.”

“She’s an entertainer at a brothel!” Nesta protested. “She’s going to have quite the wardrobe.”

“You just don’t like her because she pleasures men for a living,” Cassian argued.

Nesta laughed, shaking her head. “Oh no. There’s a reason I dislike her and that certainly has nothing to do with it.”

Cassian gasped. “Are you spoiling the book for me, nurse?”

She opened her mouth to reply, but then it snapped shut as she realized that she indeed was about to spoil a few key details of the book. A laugh sputtered out of her instead. She very well may be a little drunk as well, since it had been quite a while since she’d imbibed in the slightest.

Turning to look at him, anything she was about to say died on her tongue as she found him already looking at her. There was something in his eyes, something aside from the glaze of the liquor and the pain meds, that made her chest tighten.

Clearing her throat, she stood, holding out a hand for him. “We should go. You need to be in bed resting.”

Rolling his eyes, Cassian took her hand. The rough calluses felt good against her skin, but he stood and grabbed what was left of the whiskey.

Nesta walked Cassian back to the tent, feeling something that closely resembled peace.

Not quite peace, but close.

She could at least carry on with her day, doing her duty with her chin lifted high.

Their hands remained touching each other’s, lingering, for just a moment after Cassian rose, after they began to walk toward the tent.

Nesta pretended that she hadn’t noticed.

But she certainly had.

Cassian had no idea what time he awoke, but it was dark, an oil lamp burning by his cot.

It wasn’t the only thing that was burning.

Cassian was drenched in sweat, his sheets soaked, his clothes sticking to his body.

As he opened his eyes, a wave of nausea swept over him that had him quickly closing them, once more.

He was going to be sick.

He tried to roll over, tried to pull himself up, but couldn’t.

His back ached, throbbed, burned as he moved against the sheets.

It had him hissing or groaning or something, he wasn’t sure, but he knew that a noise must’ve come out of him because he felt cool hands against his head a moment later, then hurried, hushed voices saying something that he couldn't quite make out.

He said something.

Her name.

Nesta.

Or, maybe he thought it, maybe his lips had simply moved, had formed her name but hadn’t quite gotten it out.

Either way, it was her face he saw behind his closed lids.

“He’s burning up,” a voice said, and Cassian heard it this time.

He tried to open his eyes, but he couldn’t quite muster it.

He heard someone curse.

That was her.

A filthy word portrayed beautifully from the woman who had captivated him.

He tried to say her name again, but wasn’t quite sure if he was successful or not as he faded into darkness.

#nessian #nesta #cassian #sjm #acotar #acosf #1940s au #war au #shacmc collab

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spacedikut · 4 years

Text

risks ; spencer reid

pairing: spencer reid (criminal minds) x f!reader

summary: “Hi! Do you take requests?? If you do, can I please request a Spencer x Reader (Including the BAU), where they are dating and the reader is a year or so younger than spencer, but just as smart and very loved by the team, and one day she has to save the team from an unsub and gets really hurt and after everyone is safe they are all really worried about her?? Idk if that made sense at all. Love you work!” 2898 words

a/n: do i know anything about bombs or surgery or post-op procedures? No. did i still have a lot of fun writing this? Yes . i hope you like it! this specific request has been sent to multiple fic writers which i didn’t know until i’d already written and posted BUT the good thing is every writer is different so every request will be approached differently

masterlist

“No.”

“Hotch-“

“I said, no.”

“My girlfriend is stuck in there with a psychopath, Hotch! I can’t leave her in there!”

“I know, Reid. But I need you out here, alive, rather in there, dead.”

Spencer glares, “She could be dead in there for all we know.”

Emily winces from behind Spencer. Hotch stands, hands on hips, trying to think logically despite the situation, “We can’t afford to think like that.”

“He has a bomb! He-he-“

“Reid.” Hotch says, tone authoritive to show he’s playing unit chief and not old friend Hotch, “I need your head in this. We need to profile him to figure out the best way to negotiate – we can’t do that if you keep threatening to act irrationally.”

Spencer scoffs. Derek steps forward and pulls Spencer aside to talk him down from the metaphorical ledge he’s standing on. He’s one second away from running right into that abandoned building that everyone had just evacuated, bar you, and straight into the arms of the man who now has you hostage with a bomb ready to be detonated whenever he pleases.

Hotch already tried calling and negotiating. The man scoffed, voice gruff, and rumbled, “Either I get what I want, or both me and the pretty agent are getting blown to bits.”

In hindsight, they should’ve been more prepared.

Storming the abandoned warehouse, the team expected to find the remnants of a crime scene – they profiled the warehouse was the base of operations for the unsub, a place for him to store all his supplies, and because it had made the news that the FBI were on the case, they assumed he would’ve started running the second he felt them closing in.

He didn’t. He’s ready to go down with his ship, and you’re the unfortunate one that found him. And his homemade bomb.

Derek found the bomb-making equipment. He shouted in his comm for everyone to evacuate, and Spencer realised the second he stepped outside that you were not there. And you hadn’t responded to any calls after stepping into the building.

All it took was one call from the too proud unsub for them to realise your life is in the balance and for Reid to stop thinking rationally.

Spencer should’ve gone with you. He knows you can handle yourself, you’ve saved his ass enough times, but if he’d just.. followed you instead of JJ. Maybe you’d both be in there, or, even better, out here. Alive. Safe. No hostage situation in sight.

Suddenly, several shots ring out.

The team ducks behind their SUVs, Hotch having to drag Spencer down when he doesn’t react, just in case he decides to run straight in.

“It wasn’t the bomb!” Derek calls across, their heads beginning to pop up from behind the vehicles.

Spencer breaks free from Hotch’s grip and sprints into the warehouse. Bomb be damned, there were exactly six shots fired – the exact amount you have in your revolver.

Also the exact amount he has in his revolver.

“Go! Go!” Hotch shouts. The team all charge after Spencer, separating and flowing through the hallways and doorways of the warehouse – there’s this sense of dread running through all of them. There’s something so unique to the panic you feel when someone so close to you, someone so dear, is the one in danger.

There’s a screech from the back of the warehouse. It’s filled with agony, anguish and unadulterated pain – loud enough to reach every nook and cranny of the premises.

“I need a medic!”

Spencer’s throat burns from the tormented yell that leaped from his throat when he found you. There’s so much blood, and it takes Spencer longer than it should to find where your wounds are: two shots to the stomach, one too close to your lungs for comfort.

Although, none of this is comforting. Your eyes are closed.

The unsub is dead. The team looks around the room and easily pieces everything together: you both shot at the same time. You were able to give fatal hits and Spencer refuses to let the hits you got become deadly too.

They spare little to no attention to the bomb – the bomb squad stampede in and analyse it. Their focus is you, if you’re breathing and if the blood has stopped and how weak your pulse is.

It’s too weak. Spencer chokes on a sob above your body.

“Spence, you gotta move,” Derek’s voice is gentle despite the chaos around them, two medics taking Spencer’s place when Derek pulls him away.

“She-she- I can’t-“

“I know, kid, I know. We have to let them take care of her.”

The team is frozen around you as a stretcher is brought it. You’re being given oxygen, the medics are frantically shouting all kinds of things that Spencer doesn’t register – he follows behind you, shoulders slumped and cheeks wet, scanning you from head to toe constantly to see some display of life within you.

Hotch tells him to ride with you to the hospital. He doesn’t bother sparing the team a glance – he needs to keep his eyes on you because if he doesn’t he’s terrified you’ll disappear and he’ll never see you again and never hear your voice and never get to hear you say “I love you” ever again.

He’s terrified.

+++

You’ve been in surgery for hours.

Spencer’s still covered in your blood. He sits next to Derek, who just force-fed him half a granola bar, leg bouncing while he bites his nails.

The whole team is waiting impatiently. Hotch hasn’t sat down once, JJ has been on the phone to Will and Henry several times so she doesn’t go crazy, and everyone has been taking laps around the hospital to burn off some… fear? Apprehension? Just to do something?

Penelope broke several driving laws to get here. She came in, makeup smeared all over her face and hiccupping as Derek caught her when she approached them and collapsed. It took her an hour and a half to calm down.

“Reid.”

Spencer doesn’t move.

“Reid, kid.”

Derek nudges him. He looks up, lips chapped and bitten raw, and looks at Rossi who holds his to-go bag.

“You should change.” Rossi says, a warm smile on his face as he speaks quietly.

Spencer stares at the bag, then his shirt and sweater vest. He nearly vomits – your blood is everywhere. It’s dried now, a testament to how long you’ve been on that table, and he feels himself getting choked up all over again. He wishes he could help you. He wishes this wasn’t happening.

The guilt sinks in.

If he’d stayed with you. If he’d followed you. If he’d found you a little earlier. If they’d realised who the unsub was quicker. If they’d come to the warehouse more prepared.

Maybe you’d be here. Maybe it would be him on the operating table. God, he wishes it was him.

He needs you alive. He needs you.

“C’mon, Spence,” JJ whispers. She can’t speak any louder or she’ll cry. She takes the bag from Rossi, gingerly takes Spencer’s hand and pulls him towards the toilet just a little way away.

She opens the door and holds it open for him, gesturing with her head for him to go in.

“It’ll take you five minutes. I’ll be right here.”

He sniffles and nods, a tear sliding down his cheek, and heads in.

Everyone breathes a sigh of relief when they hear the lock of the door.

Spencer hasn’t moved since he got to the hospital and you were hurried away straight into surgery. Your eyes opened in the ambulance and Spencer could only cry harder – you used every last bit of strength you had to grip Spencer’s hand and passed out again.

He hasn’t spoken, either. No one can blame him. But changing clothes, cleaning your blood from his hands and forearms and it’s somehow on his neck, that’s progress. It’s about as good as they’ll get until there’s an update on you.

Spencer slumps back out of the toilet, walking clumsily towards his friends with his head facing the floor. The room is too bright, his eyes are beginning to sting from crying, and his heart is hurting because he doesn’t know what’s going to happen. All of it is giving him a headache.

You know how to help him with his headaches. You always know how to help him. You.

There’s movement from the large doors next to Spencer. A doctor comes out, looking frazzled and still in scrubs, and says, “Y/N Y/L/N?”

They all stare.

“She’s stable.”

Penelope lets out a verbal gasp and a “Thank God,”, both Emily and JJ’s heads fall in their hands in disbelief and even Hotch’s head falls back as he lets out a sigh of relief.

Derek’s hand grips Spencer’s shoulder. He’s too shocked to say anything.

“Can we see her?” Derek asks. He knows Spencer will want to see her the second he can, and he’ll spend every moment with her until she’s fully healed.

The doctor gives a pitiful grimace, “Only one at a time, unfortunately. These next twenty-four hours are vital and we don’t want to overwhelm her.”

“I have to see her.” Comes Spencer’s voice, weak and fragile as he still chews his thumb.

Hotch nods, “Of course. Spencer, you stay with her and we’ll come back later.”

He then nods towards the rest of the team and they all filter out slowly, all acknowledging Spencer in one way or another – Penelope kisses his head, Derek and Rossi give his shoulder a squeeze, JJ, Emily and Hotch tell him to text them if he needs anything.

He knows they don’t want to leave, but Spencer would fight every single one of them if any even tried to see you before he could. He needs to see you for himself. Needs to see you breathe.

“Follow me, sir,” The doctor says, “She might look a little off-putting – she had more injuries than we thought. But she’s steady and strong, so we’re confident she’ll make it through.”

She gestures towards your room. Spencer nods and gives a tight lipped smile, mumbling, “Thank you.”

When the door’s pushed open, Spencer chokes on a cry.

He remembers the only time he was shot: that one time in the leg. It wasn’t much. It was a shock to the system, but ultimately he was fine. He’s come to love the scar thanks to you - you’ve placed plenty of kisses on it for him to see it and instantly think of you and the love you bring.

Which is exactly why he can’t lose you. He loves you too much and he knows you love him and he’s never been so sure of anything or anyone in his life until you and he swears to God if you’re taken from him-

He takes a deep breath, pulling the chair towards your bed as close as possible as he moves to interlock his fingers with yours and grip tightly.

Please be okay. Please be okay. Please be okay.

+++

Penelope is the first to visit. She waddles in, flowers, chocolates, a card, a cuddly bear and some food for the good doctor in her arms. When she walks in she realises Spencer is knocked out in the chair next to you. She’s not surprised; she didn’t want to leave you, but Spencer needed to be with you.

She pokes him gently. And again, when he doesn’t respond.

He jumps awake, immediately going to rub his neck that is stiff after spending hours at an awkward angle.

“Morning, handsome,” Penelope smiles. She hands him the food she brought and, after sparing a glance to your sleeping form, he takes the bag and digs in.

“Thank you,” He says quietly. Penelope looks at you.

“How is she?”

“Not bad. She hasn’t gotten worse, and that’s all I can ask for.”

Penelope leans over and presses a kiss to your head, “She’s a boss. She’ll be up and at it before you know it.”

Spencer pauses in his eating and watches you, feeling nothing but love and pride, and his lower lip began to quiver. He clears his throat and looks away.

His eyes have been rubbed raw from Spencer trying to stop his tears and from trying to stay awake all night, just in case you woke up. He doesn’t remember when he fell asleep.

Derek appears then.

“Hey, you two,” He’s also carrying flowers and a cuddly bear (the team knows you so well – the way to your heart is stereotypical gifts). He gives Penelope a side hug and shoots Spencer a nod, “How you feeling, pretty boy?”

He rubs his eyes, “I’m awesome.”

Derek chuckles, “Uhuh.”

He looks at you, then, and his smile becomes tighter. Penelope grips his arm and tugs him towards her, leaning her head against his shoulder.

“You two look cosy.”

All attention is snapped to you: half lidded, voice coarse, lips dry. Spencer drops the bag of food.

“Hi, pretty,” He grins, eyes filling with tears again when he stands and leans towards you on your bed. God, what do you do to him?

His forehead rests against yours and you close your eyes in comfort. His smell fills you, all familiar and oh so welcome after whatever the hell you went through. Your whole body aches, breathing feels strange and almost unknown, and you’re acutely aware of the tubes in your nose.

Spencer pulls back suddenly, eyes jerking open, and grabs some water for you, “Here, drink.”

You do as he says, gulping it down and gulping down a second and third cup.

“I’ll get the nurse,” Penelope says, having to tear her eyes away from you because you’re awake and it fills her with so much happiness to see you okay.

After a quick visit from the nurse, you’re told you have to stay for a further few days and you pout at the thought. No one likes hospitals. No one likes being stuck in a hospital.

The whole team arrives and Derek and Penelope offer to go meet them to catch them up on everything before they come in. Everyone knows it’s really so you and Spencer have a second alone.

The second the door closes, Spencer kisses you. It’s eager and full of angst. You wish you could wrap your arms around him and pull him in tight, but everything hurts. So that’ll have to wait.

“You had me so worried,” Spencer gasps, forehead against yours and hands cupping your face, “So, so worried.”

“My apologies,” You giggle. It hurts to do it, but Spencer makes you so happy, even in a dreary hospital. “Won’t happen again.”

“It better not.” He smiles. He feels like all the tension has evaporated from his body - you’re here, you’re okay, you’re awake, you’re as perfect as ever. “You had everyone scared.”

“I have fans?”

He can’t help but roll his eyes at you. You just woke up from being shot and going through a long surgery, and you’re joking around?

He loves you so much.

Your arm slowly moves up to loosely hold his wrist. Your eyes look glassy, suddenly.

“I love you, Spence.” You breathe, “My first thought when I got shot was I’d never be able to say that to you again. I love you so, so much.”

Spencer grips your face tighter and pulls your lips back to his. There’s so much passion in the kiss; he wants to tell you he loves you every second of every day for the rest of his life, and he’s trying to show that.

Now you’re here, he can do that. Thank God he can do that.

“I love you too. So much. I’ve never been as scared as I was when I found you, I-“ He gets choked up again, “If you ever do something like that again, we will have issues I swear to God Y/N-“

“Kiss me again you idiot,” You say, all smiles.

When the whole team roll in, Spencer is perched on the very edge of your bed, hand in yours, thumb rubbing back and forth. They all smile at you, holding various gifts that get you very excited, and tell you how glad they are you’re okay.

Derek’s brows furrow, pointing at your heart monitor, “Now what happened while we were gone, cuties?”

Everyone looks towards the monitor, where your heartbeat is still high from kissing and being close to Spencer after being scared you’d never be able to again.

You and Spencer blush, “I’m just very happy to see my team.” You say, trying to suppress a smirk.

“Yeah, yeah,” Derek smirks at you both, “Just couldn’t keep your hands off eachother, huh?”

Spencer sputters, “It would be so inappropriate to do anything like that in a hospital, Morgan! Actually, hospitals…”

As Spencer rambles on, you scan the room and find yourself tearing up. You feel so cared for and loved, surrounded by the people you consider family and holding the hand of the love of your life. You’re so lucky, you realise, despite the situation that led to this, to have such amazing people so close.

You move and lean your head against Spencer’s shoulder and, mid-sentence, he presses a kiss to your forehead.

It’s an honour to be so loved by such lovely people.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds imagine #mine #god does this suck?#man i feel like it sucks

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