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mrpenguinpants-alter-ego · 3 years

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Kaeya: Frostbite

This was suppose to be an offering to Albedo but I don’t know anything about him so I ended up writing him as a more laidback Kaeya. Halfway through I realized so that’s why my tags are like that. Here’s your 2k words of cake.

I’m back :DD My first fic is on Albedo Kaeya tho haha. I don’t really want Albedo since I’m saving for Xiao (but if he wants to come I ain’t complaining, he’s vv pretty) so here is my offering birthday gift before 1.2. I saw the cold weather effect for 1.2 and my breath of the wild ptsd kicked in. Is it gay to hold hands with your significant other as an excuse to not freeze to death?

btw I have a taglist. If you want to be added see pinned post for details.

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Kaeya: Frostbite

Trying to find a way into Inazuma didn’t seem likely considering the Electro archon’s distaste to visions and causing a region-wide lockdown. So the next option was to travel through Dragonspine. There had been a few disturbances noted from the Adventurer’s guild but due to the harsh climate of the snow-touched region, not many adventurers were willing to set foot near the mountain. Albedo, the Captain of the Investigation Team and Chief Alchemist, however, knew no bounds for research and discovering the “truth” of the world. This is probably why by the time you found out that one of the Favonius Captains was in Dragonspine that could serve as an excellent travel companion/guide, he had already departed for the mountain weeks ago.

“Why don’t you ask Kaeya to take you?” Jean recommended, smiling gently at your wilting state, “Mondstadt has been quiet lately so it shouldn’t hurt to have two missing Captains for a short while.”

Kaeya? Well, it was true that he didn’t have cavalry to command considering Grand Master Varka had taken all of them for an expedition. Would it be alright to do that? Wouldn’t the Fatui try and start something with the infamous captain away?

“If you’re worried about the Fatui it’s alright. With the event in Liyue and the role of the Fatui Harbinger, they’ve been very skittish to start anything” Lisa laughed from her spot beside Jean. It always scared you how Lisa seemed to be a mind reader. Did alchemist secretly pick it up as a hobby or was Lisa just that scary? Both were equally correct possibilities.

“He’s starting to miss you because you’ve been away from Mondstadt for so long. Jean and I can take care of things should something happen. Go meet up with him before his mood sulks even further. Even I’m starting to feel bad” Lisa smiled, waving you off to go find said Calvary Captain.

---

While a pyro user would be better to travel within hindsight, Diluc was busy with the winery and Amber wasn’t used to the harsh climate of Dragonspine. That left Kaeya, who had been to Dragonspine before having met with an owl. You weren’t entirely sure what significance the owl of Dragonspine had but knowing Kaeya, it could either be a wise creature or an ordinary snow owl. He was a cyro user and while that didn’t necessarily mean he was immune to the frost, he was at least in his element. You couldn’t ask Diluc to set the ground on fire and burn to death and besides, the climate was too cold for grass to burn. Plus Jean did recommend him plus you were interested in this “sulky” version of Kaeya.

“Dragonspine? That’s quite a jump from the noisy harbour of Liyue. May I ask why the sudden change?” Kaeya smiled easily when you approached him. You were surprised he already knew what you wanted to ask but maybe Mondstadt had the same idea as Liyue, that all the walls talked.

“Ah, I heard that there have been some unknown issues there so I wanted to see if I could help. Albedo already left so Jean recommended that I travel with you to meet him since you’ve been there before” you explained trying to stifle the laugh bubbling up as he pouted a bit.

“So I’ve become Plan B then? I thought we had quite a close relationship and yet you’re asking me to accompany you to see another man”

“Kaeyaa...” you sighed at him, so this is what Lisa meant by a sulky Kaeya.

“I’m just teasing,” Kaeya ruffled your hair as he stood up from his chair, “Mondstadt’s been quite boring lately. Shall we depart?”

---

While you knew that Dragonspine wouldn’t be an easy adventure after spending so much time in the comforting warm weather of Liyue, it wasn’t an easy experience to suddenly switch temperatures so 180. The snow made it hard for your boots to trek through and while the snowflakes were pretty they made your body temperature plummet. Your hands were cold as you started to slowly lag behind Kaeya busy trying to keep your hands warm. It wouldn’t be awhile before the next torch so you just needed to toughen it out. How the hell was Kaeya fine in this kind of weather?

“What's wrong? Can't handle the cold?” Kaeya called over his shoulder before pausing in his step studying your shivering form, “Are you alright?”

“J-Just fine” you breathed out trying to warm your hands a bit more, “Really, I’m alright. Just a bit cold-

As if the cyro goddess herself was mocking you a strong gust of cold wind flew past you two, ripping the buttons off your coat and freezing yourself to your core. You squeaked as whatever warmth you had was chased out and replaced with the harsh bite of frost as it slowly crept up your sides before two fingerless gloves quickly closed your coat and embraced you to a warm chest

“Be careful, frostbite is dangerous” Kaeya teased even though his eyes shone with concern as he nudged your head under his chin, trying to block the wind with his back, his hair wiping in the wind tickling your face “It’ll damage your skin and tissue. Do you feel any pain? Numbness?”

He unwrapped his white fur cloak from his shoulder and wrapped it around your neck. You’ve never really seen Kaeya express this kind of concern before. Did his cyro vision accidentally hurt him before? You don’t recall Mondstadt ever facing harsh winters. He paused before taking one of his gloves off, breathing into his hands to warm them, despite your protest.

“Haha, sorry. My gloves aren’t the best to keep warm but hopefully, it’ll be enough,” he chuckled lightly as he slide your hands into them. His fingerless gloves might keep his palms warm but his fingers were cold as he cupped yours in his bare hands. But as a cyro user, he was probably used to it since that was how he channeled his vision. His blue-lilac eye shined in amusement as he flicked a small snowflake landing on your cheek.

“Feeling any better?” he asked as you quickly shook your head. For how lax Kaeya seemed it was always a bit of whiplash to see him so concerned. He nodded quickly as the wind began to settle down before he slowly let go to slightly peel open your coat to see the damage.

“Aren’t you cold? I swear I’m alright” you quickly assured but Kaeya ignored you as he brushed the side of your shirt up to see small snowflakes melting away.

“It’s just snow, nothing too different from what I’m used to,” he muttered to himself as he brushed away the snowflakes on your waist, before wrapping you in your coat and re-buttoning your coat, “Are you cold anywhere else?”

“N-No” you answered quickly, this was not good for your heart. Where had this version of Kaeya come from? Was he always like this? “Well, I guess my hands are a bi-”

He brought your hands up to his face as his cheeks warmed your hands as he ran his fingers over yours. Trying to transfer his heat to you as your cheeks started to flush redder and redder. He huffed amused under his breath which only served to make the red flush further down your neck.

“Sorry, not a pyro user so this is the best I can do” he laughed lightly at your embarrassed expression. You knew it, he was teasing you this entire time. In sub-zero temperature where you both could die at any time.

“I’m fine. Really” you pouted, at this point, you were sure you might be overheating. He chuckled at your flushed expression as you tried to unlatch your hands to cover your face as he leans his forehead against yours.

“If you ever need me, let me know. Let's not make this a transaction relationship” he smiled smugly as you glared at him. Not that it was intimidating at all.

“Fine, understood” you huffed as he ruffles your hair again before diving his cold fingers to the sides of your neck making your shriek as he dodged your failing arms.

“Come on, let's get moving. We're not frozen in place, after all. As much dying here with you seems romantic, dying from the cold with a cyro vision is just embarrassing” he called over his shoulder smirked as he began walking away to the next waypoint.

“Kaeya...”

“Sorry sorry”

---

You sighed in relief as you held your hands to the small torch just inside a cave. Away from the wind, away from the snow, and away from the cold. You could slowly feel the your muscles warm up and finally move without feeling that your bones would snap in half. You looked up at your surroundings, you never expected the giant mountain of Dragonspine to be so hollow with walkways and arches. It was really quite beautiful with all the blue ice hovering over you. Hopefully the wouldn’t break should you need to walk over them or worse, make you slip and fall.

“Are you feeling better?” Kaeya asked as he eyed your bundled up form. His fur cloak was still wrapped tightly around your form as you breathed into your hands. He suspects that you forgotten about the cloak but he liked seeing you wear it so he never asked for it back.

“Oh yes, so much better” you sighed out happily from your little warm bubble.

“Just let me know if you’re still cold alright?”

“Understood” you grinned, giving a small salute to the Captain. There’s a small pause as he nods again at you. You blink a couple times at him before Lisa’s words ring in your mind. You flush as you quickly wave at your cheeks trying to fan away the red. You shuffle a tiny bit on your feet before taking a quick look at Kaeya.

“Um, Kaeya.”

“Yes?”

“My hands are a bit cold. So...”

“Yes?”

You pout at him.

“Could you...”

“Could I?”

You glared at him as his chuckles slowly turned to laughter

“Alright alright, don’t need to be so mad. Come here”

You grinned as he held his hand out for you to take.

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imagine-docx · 4 years

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dirty images.

Summary: “I sent a selfie of myself in the bathtub to the wrong number and you responded back with another selfie - holy you are gorgeous.”

Warnings: sexting, notions to smut.

A/N: thought we would switch it up and invite wanda to the imagine-docx crew. so please enjoy my first wanda fic. hope everyone is signing petitions and are changing the system! - amanda 💛

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

As a frat boy once said, Saturdays are for the boys. But in this case it is you, Carol and Val going to The Toolbox, New York’s notorious gay bar.

You examined your outfit in the mirror one last time, a black bralette, wide legged tan pants, a black leather jacket and black strappy heels. You ruffled your hair before looking at your phone, Carol and Val were going to pick you up.

Getting the ‘COME DOWN BITCH’ text from Carol, you grabbed your purse and keys before heading down. Getting in the Lyft, “Wow someone’s getting laid,” Carol commented.

“And you aren’t gonna share the goods,” Val responded.

“Need it, it’s been ages.” You said.

“I need to get hammered. Thor has been up my ass all week,” Val said groaning.

“Loki hasn’t saved you?” You asked.

“Loki has his man crush on Bruce going,” Val responded.

The three of you continued your little week updates before the Lyft came to a stop, notioning that it is time for you to get out. You guys thanked your Lyft before heading in.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

Two and a half hours in, you lost Carol and Val. Val was talking to a blonde named Alexa, and Carol was hitting it off with a brunette named Cassandra.

Sighing, you headed to the bar to get something in you. “Can I get a Pink Whitney?”

“Make that two,” you heard a voice from behind you, which then proceeded to sit next to you.

The bartender nodded, you turned around and were greeted by a tall blonde, “What’s a cute thing like you doing by yourself?”

“Abandoned by my friends,” the bartender came back and placed the drinks in front of you, “Thanks.”

“I’m Ashley,” she said, you told her yours and drove deep into a conversation.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

It was safe to say that you and Ashley hit it off really well. What gave it away? Was it the numerous drinks you had together? Was it that you came from similar backgrounds? Or was it that you spent time groping each other and making out in the washroom? Who knows.

Ashley ended up being dragged home by her friends, but she typed her number into your phone, and you typed your number into her phone before she left.

You were slightly buzzed and grinning from ear to ear about the events that happened that night. In the back of the Lyft, you were debating on texting Ashley to make sure she got home safe.

You got home and decided against it and were going to wash off your makeup before you fell asleep.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

You woke up the next morning and looked at your phone and saw that Ashley didn’t text you. She’s probably still asleep, you concluded before getting ready to go to the bakery next door.

As you were leaving your complex you noticed the moving truck unloading. Ignoring it, you made the beeline for the bakery before heading back home.

While you were eating your bagel, your phone buzzed signalling an email from your workplace.

Looking through your schedule, you feel yourself tense up. Meeting after meeting, document after document due. You knew you wouldn’t be able to breathe this week, you would be coming home super late and you knew takeout would be your only source of food this week.

You got up and ran yourself a bath, as these were your last moments of freedom. Digging around in the cabinet, you were looking for a bath bomb. Finally deciding on the ‘sex bomb’. You gently placed it in the water, watching it fizz out.

Getting undressed, you let yourself submerge into the light pink and purple bath, and let the scent of jasmine engulf your senses.

As you were scrolling through your instagram, it dawned on you that you should tease Ashley a little bit. You used your arm to cover your boobs and you slightly crossed your legs to cover your pussy.

Snapping the picture, you scrolled through your contacts to find Ashley. Clicking on the message button, you sent the message.

You leaned back and waited for Ashley to respond.

‘Wrong number?’ You scoffed. Did she really not remember what we did in the bathroom last night? You thought to yourself.

‘Haha good joke Ash’

You then received a photo of a gorgeous girl with auburn hair. ‘No Ash here, I’m Wanda’

You were absolutely mortified. You sent a semi nude to a stranger. A hot stranger, but that’s not the point right now.

‘I am so sorry!!’

‘Don’t worry about it!! You’re really cute tho’

And that started the ‘friendship’ between you and Wanda. Friendship in quotations because the two of you were constantly flirting with each other, and sending risky photos to each other.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

It was Friday and you were returning home from work. Your long week of long hours and barely any breaks were over. But you had so much energy, courtesy of Wanda and her flirty texts.

You were messaging Wanda ever since you got out of your car. And on your way up to your apartment.

‘What are you wearing?’

You chuckled at her text message before sending a, ‘Black top, black pants, and heels’

‘I meant underneath :( you’re no fun’ you got before she sent you a picture of her. Wanda was absolutely gorgeous. She was laying on her back, hair sprawled out around her, and she was sporting a black lace bra that did not hide anything and a pair of baby pink silk shorts.

‘Wait till I get home, then you’ll see’

‘Hurry upppp’

You chuckled, and were unlocking your door. The moment you got in, you kicked off your heels and made a beeline to your mirror, stripping on your way there. You stood in the mirror, and tousled your hair before snapping and sending a pic of you in a lacy hot pink bra and panty set.

You threw your hair into a bun, and headed to the washroom to get rid of your makeup. As you were wiping off the eyeliner that was around your eyes, your phone buzzed.

It was another photo of Wanda, but this time, she was biting her lip and her right hand was buried in her pants. ‘God, you’re such a tease’

You had to take a minute, because there she was, somewhere in New York, a hottie like her was pleasuring herself to a photo of you in lingerie. ‘I aim to please’

You received another image of her this time, her pants were off, legs spread and her hand was cupping her pussy. ‘The things I want you to do to me’

You tugged at your panties, lowering them and showing off your hips, and snapped another photo and sent it to her. ‘No makeup? Hair tied? God I am whipped for you’

You chuckled, ‘I’m going to take a shower. Wanna get rid of the work on me’

‘A shower? Without me? I am hurt. Send pics of you in the shower and maybe our relationship would be okay’

You chuckled before snapping a picture of you, hands covering your boobs and your crotch covered by the sink. ‘I need more of you to reconsider our relationship’

‘Someone’s horny’

‘Only for you baby’

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

You and Wanda continued your entire sexting expedition, even through your little snack. Eventually the conversation about sex died down, and you moved to how your days went, and your other hobbies.

She was still settling down in her new apartment and was adjusting to the city life and she needed to do laundry. Which then made you realize that you were running low on work clothes and should probably go down and do laundry.

Looking at the clock, you realized there would be no one down there because it was super late. Gathering the detergents and clothes, you headed down to the laundry room.

You were bending over putting the clothes into the washing machine and saw the yellow panties being taken out. You stood up ready to fight whoever was harassing you.

You were then greeted by the familiar auburn beauty that has ruined so many pairs of your panties. “So this is the set that I keep thinking about, and the owner,” she smirked.

You were in shock, “Wanda?”

“And you look way better in real life,” she said checking you out.

“How?” You asked, still shocked.

“I was sitting over there, and I noticed you walk in. Thought it was a coincidence, but then I saw a few familiar pairs of panties that I knew, and knew it was you.” She responded, helping you put your clothes into the washing machine.

⳾*⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*❀⑅*⳾

The two of you sat in the laundry room, innocently flirting, and helping each other fold one another's laundry.

By time the two of you were done, you were heading to the elevators. “Did you have dinner yet?” You asked, to which Wanda shook her head no, “Do you want to come over? We can order a pizza.”

“Trying to get me over?” Wanda smirked.

“Can’t blame a girl for trying now, can we?” You asked.

“Will I get to see a little more skin?” She asked.

“Play your cards right, and you might be able to.” You responded.

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irwinkitten · 4 years

Text

got lucky | c.h

requested by anon: ok so for the bi!reader concept: last year i ended my relationship w this girl the main reason was because she was really insecure and jealous especially about me being bisexual like anytime i would talk to a guy she would just get so upset about it and she would make such gross biphobic comments and at the time i had so much internalised biphobia that i tried to convince myself i was gay n stayed in the relationship longer than i should have because i rly liked her i guess lol anyways (1/4) we ended and a while afterwards i started seeing this guy who i’d known of for ages (friends of friends type situation) but we just never really talked before or hung out but from the first date we clicked and the sex was crazy good like the type of sex were ur ditching ur vibrators cuz he’s that good lmao so one weekend we went to this party together and of course she is also there, i was so surprised and i could see her eyeing us the whole night, so when she came over i was anxious af (2/4) and this guy knew i was bi! it was no secret, i worked really hard to accept myself! so she comes over and she deadass goes “are you straight now? i knew you would end up with a man!” and she’s all smug but also hurt and im standing there like what the fuck and THEN this dumb man goes “ha guess the sex is so good i made her straight again” and i’m literally about to cry over how gross the whole interaction is and im so shocked i can’t even defend myself, i dumped him that night obviously (3/) last messgae: so basically can you pls do a redo of the gross situation where instead of being with that dumb guy its with calum and he is so protective n sweet n NORMAL n encourages u to stand up for urself about bisexuality / your sexuality, because what happened to me happens too often and its disgusting and gross and no one deserves that!! only if u feel comfortable/inspired tho, no pressure!! love u laura, thank u for creating such a safe space for all the queer babies it means a lot 💘 notes: i kinda enjoyed writing this one esp for my sweet anon baby. i love u and i hope this is everything you wanted ♥ warnings: biphobia, implications of emotional abuse

word count: 3.2k

donate to my ko-fi here

“Hey what’cha doing sweets?” Calum’s voice pulled you from your musings, your hand idly tracing patterns against the paper but the pen remaining on the desk. You wrenched your thoughts from the spiral you seemed to have fallen down, a smile crossing your lips as you felt your heart flutter at the sight of him.

“Nothin’. Just thinking.” You finally replied as he pulled up one of the spare chairs next to you, the bustling activity of the coffee shop falling into your background noise as his thigh pressed against yours.

“Really? Normally you doodle when you’re just thinking.” He countered with ease and your eyes dropped to the paper, noticing that the pen remained where you’d placed it when you first sat down. Subconsciously you must’ve realised that the route your thoughts had gone were not suitable to put down on paper, your fingers picking up the pen and mind falling blank immediately.

“Oh.” You breathed before placing the pen back down and packing away the pad and pen.

“What’s running through your head, doll?” Calum’s voice was quiet and concerned, you shrugged.

“Just, a lot on my mind is all. You’re not my keeper just because we’ve slept together.” You admitted quietly and he frowned before picking up his bag and for a sinking second you thought he was going to walk off, but instead, he took your bag from your hands and slung it over his shoulder.

He looked back at you expectantly and you sighed before standing up, leaving the coffee shop with him, your eyes on the floor as you fell into step next to him.

“Your place or mine?”

“E’s gonna be home and I don’t want to hear them rant about me bringing people back.” You muttered and Calum nodded.

“I think Ash is out. He’ll probably head out to Luke’s if I show up with you.” At his smirk, you rolled your eyes fondly before shoving him towards the bus stop. His indignant “hey!” was only ignored as you two waited for the bus, his arm slung over your shoulders.

Selfishly, you leaned into his touch, trying to ignore the fact that your stomach was doing flips at his touch alone.

The bus journey was a quiet ten minutes, but Calum seemed to understand that you weren’t willing to talk with so many people around, so he was content to just keep you close, and you were unwilling to pull away until his stop came up.

When you reached his shared house with Ashton, you noted that the car was gone from the driveway and Calum smirked.

“Looks like he’s out. C’mon.” His hand tucked around yours and pulled you inside. And for a second you wondered if you could distract him with sex, but then the guilt appeared and you could feel the tears of frustration appear as your thoughts swirled and you felt dizzy.

Calum had stepped ahead, turning to see you stood leaning against the closed door, head in your hands and he knew something was wrong. Stepping back to you, he dropped your bags and took your hand in his, pulling you upstairs to his room and your stomach twisted uncomfortably.

“Cal I-”

“I’m not suggesting that.” He muttered. You fell silent at that and as he pulled you into his room, you felt unsure, but he gave you no chance to really deny him as he crawled into bed before opening his arms out to you.

“Cal.”

“I know you. You don’t do emotional stuff well but I’m here for a cuddle and an ear if you need it.” You fell into the embrace easily, your head resting on his chest as his arms wrapped around your shoulders, his lips finding your temple as you finally felt something in you snap, the surge of emotions overwhelming and frighteningly vivid.

“I keep telling myself that I never was a lesbian, that I still found men attractive but Poppy made me feel like having that attraction was stupid since I was dating her and that I was a lesbian and it’s so fucking confusing because I like you, but I can hear her voice screeching that I’m not right, that I’m a lesbian or faking it or a freak.” And for the first time since you left Poppy, you cried.

Calum had been waiting for this. When the split had happened, you’d been ready for it, you’d already left her mentally, but this was what he knew you needed. He knew that the relationship with her had been toxic, but you’d never revealed the extent of her behaviour.

His heart broke.

“Just because you like both men and women does not mean you should feel so guilty over your sexuality. There’s a B in LGBT for a reason, doll. That’s you. You’re bisexual and you should be proud of that, not ashamed because some bitch with a control issue couldn’t handle the fact that you liked more than women.”

You found yourself gripping his shirt with your fists as you pressed your face into his chest, trying to stem the tears that seemed relentless. But Calum held his silence whilst you got it out of your system, knowing that you needed to get this off your chest.

“I’m sorry.” You finally got out, but he simply shushed you.

“She was a shitty person with an attitude to show. You shouldn’t apologise for the bitch.” His words were simple but it gave you a breath of ease, pulling away as hands rubbed your shoulders gently.

He was definitely too good to you, but he was there for you regardless and you were certain that you loved him for that.

“There’s gonna be a party on the other side of town in a couple of weeks. Ash took over the old Firefly down on Hartley. He’s revamping before opening the bar to the public. You fancy going?” And you smiled at the gentle distraction he was offering.

“We get at least a free drink if we show up, right?” And Calum laughed as he kissed your temple.

“He wouldn’t say no to me. Or you. In fact, I’m almost certain he’s expecting me to do full introductions on that night since Luke and Mike will be there with the others and their girls.” You rolled your eyes.

“It’s not like I went to school with Luke or anything.” Came your sarcastic retort and Calum laughed as the two of you settled for the evening.

“Pretty sure Luke last saw you when you started dating Poppy. He’s put two and two together but he won’t say anything unless you mention it. Even then he knows it’s not his place.” Your heart seemed to swell another size in affection for Luke.

“You’re making it difficult for me to not fall in love with you Cal. Good dick, you know how to use those lips and fingers of yours, you make me feel like I belong and you respect boundaries without me having to ask.” You finally muttered and Calum gave you an almost wistful smile.

“You may have been with Poppy but that didn’t stop me from being friends with you. You’re someone I’ve genuinely cared about from day one. Not gonna chuck that away because of who you are. Plus growing up with my mom and sister almost made certain I’d be in touch with my feminine side.” He teased but the sincerity and understanding in his tone eased your shoulders.

Your features softened at the admittance and you pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Then I definitely got lucky to have you in my life at least, falling in love or not.”

—

When the day of the party rolled around, you felt sick with nerves and you couldn’t understand why.

When Calum rolled up to pick you up—he was driving to Luke’s who lived closest to the bar and you’d both get a ride back to yours before he picked up his car the following morning—he could see the nerves and the grimace on his face spoke volumes.

“What?” You all but demanded when you were debating outfits. He’d been sitting on the bed watching, but got up and held his hands out to you.

You took them hesitantly. His thumbs almost immediately started to soothe across the back of your hands to help relax you.

“Word has gotten around that Poppy is planning to show up. We haven’t exactly been quiet about our relationship, but I didn’t think she’d pull something like this.” And your stomach churned uncomfortably.

“We’re still going. Ashton promised free drinks and we’ll be in the VIP area right?” You checked and Calum nodded.

“Ashton has already told the bouncers that she’s not allowed near the VIP section. They’re checking and rechecking the lists to make sure she isn’t on one of them.” He explained and you let out a breath of air.

“Okay. It’ll be fine. It’s being handled and I’ve got you. Now which outfit do you think I should wear?” He studied your face for a second before a smile broke across his lips.

“The dark purple with the deep plunge. Is it wrong of me to flaunt in her face what she lost?” And you laughed as you kissed him.

“I mean, yes. But I also know that you want to show me off properly now that we’ve got things really settled.” You murmured and he grinned back unabashedly.

It was still an uphill battle, but he’d given you a lot to think about. And after gentle convincing, you’d found an LGBT friendly therapist who helped you process your thoughts. It helped you come to terms with accepting the toxic relationship that you’d been in but also it highlighted how beneficial Calum had been as a friend and confidant.

It also gave you the courage to ask Calum out officially, wanting to be with him entirely and not just in the evenings.

He took that in his stride and things shifted once more between the two of you. When you opened up to him about some of your sessions, you knew that your trust had been well placed because he never indicated anything to his friends and so you were never subjected to pitying stares or glares.

You were almost sure that you’d fall in love with him faster than you fell for Poppy.

The drive to Luke’s was filled with your nerves. You hadn’t seen Luke in years and you were also meeting his two other friends, Ashton and Michael as well as their partners.

“Ashton’s excited to finally meet you and stop telling me to be careful when I go to yours.”

Despite Calum living with Ashton, your schedules never seemed to match and more often than not, Calum could be found at your place, a small sanctuary from your hectic lives.

Ashton never begrudged that time you shared together, but Calum had mentioned a few times about how snappy he was being on the subject.

“He’ll chill when he realises I’m not out to break your heart or steal something.” You muttered with a chuckle. Calum snorted in return as he pulled into Luke’s driveway.

Your nerves return full force as he pulls you to the front door and steps in like he lives there.

“Hey fuckers, anyone about?” He called through and was met with calls of confirmation, another yell following that they were in the dining room. Your fingers squeezed Calum’s tightly and he didn’t hesitate to return it, his thumb soothing across the skin on the back of your hand.

“Look who it is!” A voice crowed loudly as he stepped into the dining room, followed by loud calls of greetings.

There was a flurry of introductions and you felt like the spotlight was being shone on you, under scrutiny from his best friends gazes once they had greeted their friend and Calum had introduced you. Or re-introduced you in Luke’s case.

“Well c’mon, the last time I saw you we were leaving school. What’s been happening to you?” Luke finally asked, indicating to the seat next to him. A small smile graced your lips as you sat down, Calum falling into the seat next to you as you shrugged.

“Life I guess? It’s been definitely more interesting with the different jobs and moving about. Building up a social life again.” Luke’s face filled with a frown at that.

Michael came in next.

“Building up a social life? Did you not have one?” His words held an innocent curiosity, yet you felt yourself hesitate.

“My ex was controlling to the point that I couldn’t do anything without their permission. They managed to make me believe that no one really wanted me around and I lost touch with old friends, like Luke.” You glanced to the side and he was frowning.

The others held varying degrees of stunned shock or disapproval.

“Well then he was a cunt.” Michael muttered and your eyes refused to meet theirs at the assumptions. Luke stayed quiet but his hand rested on your knee, squeezing it. You shot him a gentle smile in return.

“Well it’ll be good to have you back in our lives. Especially with these two knuckleheads.” He nodded at Ashton and Michael who immediately protested and you laughed.

It felt like you’d known them for years as you all had a few shots. Ashton, despite being the owner of the bar, wasn’t worried about turning up with his friends. He’d already explained to his staff that he’d be around for the rest of the night once he arrived and he’d told the small groups he’d be here and there.

After a handful of shots, the group of you made your way to the bar, your arm linked with Calum’s. There were separate conversations happening between you all, their girlfriends including you on their pamper night whilst the boys discussed a possible games night for all of you.

When you arrived at the club, you saw the queue of people waiting to get in and the subsequent groans from the line as the bouncer let you in, no questions asked.

Ashton guided the group of you to the VIP section and the music was still loud but you could still hear each other talking. You were chatting away with Luke’s girlfriend, arm still linked with Calum’s as Ashton disappeared to get drinks.

Calum pulled your attention away briefly, his lips by your ear.

“I’ve spotted her. She’s not seen us yet so don’t worry.” You barely nodded, acknowledging his words as you listened in, fighting to keep your nerves down.

The night continued and you were all a few drinks deep. Calum’s arm had barely left your waist all night as you talked and danced and drank. You’d been welcomed into his group of friends with an ease you never realised existed.

You’d deliberately not tried to seek out Poppy, silently praying that the universe would comply. But as the group of you stood out in the smokers area, huddled together under a heating lamp, your stomach sank as she stepped out, her eyes narrowing on you.

“Fuckin’ knew it!” You could feel the alarm in your face as you stepped back into Calum, his arm going around you protectively.

“Poppy, you’re drunk.” You felt curious gazes from your new friends, but you didn’t spare them a glance.

“You break up with me and go running to his arms, I knew you weren’t a fuckin lesbian. Pretending to try it out? Just another straight girl seeking attention. Fucking freak.” She snapped and your stomach sank.

“Get it through your thick head that she’s bisexual.” Calum snapped in your defence, earning a glare from Poppy. But Calum didn’t shrink from the glare, your glance to his face confirmed he was giving her his own. You were mildly impressed that she didn’t back down instantly.

“She’s a fuckin liar! Years of my life wasted on this bitch.” She spat at your feet and you took in a deep breath.

“You don’t get to control me anymore, Poppy. I’ve liked both men and women, but you never liked that because it meant that I had more chances of leaving you. And I wished I’d have left you sooner. Calum certainly thought so.”

“Of course you fucked the first man to pay you any attention.” Your heart sank once more at her declaration and you felt your mind fall into the old trap that you’d fought with for so long.

“No she never. In fact she slept with a few girls long before she slept with me. But I was her best friend as she tried to deal with the mess you created in her mind.” Calum snapped back. You felt your heart swell for him.

Poppy stepped forward, her hand raised but then Ashton stepped in front of you.

“Get out. You’re no longer welcome in this bar.” He made a gesture and security slowly made their way over.

“She shouldn’t be fucking welcome!” Poppy yelled back, but Ashton held firm.

“She is my friend. You are not. Get. Out.” When the bouncer rested a hand on her arm, she shrugged it off and stormed away. Your entire body was trembling.

“So that was the ex, huh?” Michael commented and you could feel your hands trembling as you nodded. “Why didn’t you correct me?” Calum spoke up for you as his hands took yours.

“It’s been a battle for her. Poppy had convinced her she was a lesbian, that she was wrong for having any attraction to men. In Poppy’s world, either your gay, lesbian or straight. Being bisexual isn’t acceptable in her eyes.” Calum’s arms wrapped around you and you stood there, holding onto him for dear life.

“Well that makes two of us then.” Michael’s casual comment had your knees go weak and you let out a weak laugh.

“Thank you Ash.” You finally murmured when you pulled away from Calum. Ashton didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you in a warm hug that was both comforting and reassuring.

“Hey, you’ve been the best thing for my best mate. And you were friends with Luke once before. I’ve definitely got your back. And I get why you didn’t say anything and don’t hold that against you.” He muttered and you breathed a sigh of relief before returning to Calum’s embrace.

“More drinks or are we gonna go back to Luke’s?” And you shook your head.

“Let’s stay. I’m not gonna let her ruin it,” you leaned forwards so your lips were by his ear as the others went inside, “also I want to see if we can christen the bar in one of the toilets.” You breathed. Calum groaned as his grip around you got tighter and he pulled you in for a kiss that promised more.

“Oh you’re so fucked sweetheart. Especially since I know where the individual lips are and they aren’t attended by anyone.” You held back a moan at that thought before pulling away, your hand in his.

“Dance first?” And the innocence in your tone made him laugh as he followed behind you willingly.

“Menace.” The term was laced with affection as he caught up to you, kissing the spot just below your ear.

You simply grinned in return as you pulled him onto the dance floor, Poppy long forgotten as he danced with you.

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mikeshanlon · 4 years

Note

iwwv anon and PHEW OK. I def did not expect that essay and now I feel bad cause I KNOW my thots r not gonna be articulate or right. nonetheless! i think Oliver does qualify as an unreliable narrator cause hes. very oblivious but not like... Richard papen (who is a whole ass clown don't get me started on tsh) but not like addy from dare me(I will support till the day I die that dare me is da like I WILL die on this hill) who sees what she wants to see. 1/?

i think he just... thinks that his friends r diff ppl than they actually r? that doesnt rly make sense but yea. what I mean is that everything the characters do is coated in that empathetic view Oliver has which is usually wrong? so we don't get an objective look into the characters. meredith is my girl like I love the hot popular girl trope deconstruction but at the end of the book she's not at a great place like she's w someone that doesn't love her like she needs to be loved... 2/

I guess the most probable ending is that James never meets Oliver again and that everyone is kinda stuck on what happened but that's soo sad and I really don't want to think abt it. ngl iwwv wasn't like my fave book ever and I really don't understand why people are so obsessed with dark academia sometimes but what i rly liked abt the book is that despite how fucked up everyone is and how toxic they r to each other they do at heart care abt one another...3/

like I rly liked that esp cause at that point the only other da book (other than dare me!) that I had read was tsh and godd every character is so fuckinh annoying and they all hate each other. i was super confused by it till I saw someone saying that it's satire and I felt my mind explode. I feel like this is so long but I didnt rly properly answer all you wrote sorry! I think its a pretty good book tho it has some crazy quotes like hold awn Im gonna look at the highlighted stuff on my copy.. 4/

Were you in love with him?” “Yes,” [...]Yes, I was.” It’s not the whole truth. The whole truth is, I’m in love with him still. LIKEEE PHEWW OK OK OK. WE OUT HERE. that line literally made me go crazy. I'm so sorry for any spelling mistakes or like general mistakes I made here English isn't my first language, it's 1am and I wrote this in the notes app w/o looking it over. so like.. NOT a professional review lemme tell you. 5/5

Ahh im so sorry I did not see this before I yeeted for a month!!!

Oooh okay first of all dare me as a DA… I’ve only watched the show but like yeah I see the Elements for sure.

Also yeah I can understand what you mean abt Oliver being an unreliable narrator now… Ig my view of unreliable was more like they are purposefully twisting the truth or omitting facts or just literally don’t know shit but I get how personal bias can make the narrator unreliable. I do think the assertion that Oliver thinks his friends are different than they actually are makes sense. He sees James in a very positive light and though I like James a lot and think he is better than, like, Richard, he definitely has darker moments and manipulates Oliver at times (again I’d like to think it’s not the most nefarious thing in the world but like him just being shitty bc he’s in a dark place and he one, wants to do anything he can so Oliver doesn’t figure out he fought Richard so Oliver still thinks of him the same way/bc he knows Oliver would do something stupid like get himself arrested for James; and two, is very jealous that Oliver is with Meredith after Richard dies and has sort of a somewhat positive outcome from Richard’s death versus James being riddled with guilt and anger). And yeah, the probable ending is they never meet but I refuse to acknowledge that so LGNRG. Also that line makes me go CRAZZZZZZZZZZY!!! There are so many great lines, both using Shakespeare and on their own and its like okay give me a moment im going bonkers…

Personally, I haven’t read that many dark academia novels yet (bc for some reason i can barely finish a book rn sigh) but the concept interests me. I think what’s compelling is the setting/atmosphere of like ~mysterious college vibes~, and the idea of a sort of niche, obsessive bond and pursuit of knowledge with a tight knit group of friends (and the like inherent homoeroticism in every single DA elrngenrg). Like Dead Poet’s Society (the film I haven’t read the book) isn’t Dark in the same way most other dark academia is by like, obsession and death and manipulation (though of course there are dark elements with Neil’s storyline), but I think the other building blocks of academia are present there in a more wholesome way and you can see why people are drawn to that idea. As for the more Dark aspects I think it’s interesting to analyze things like group psyche, obsession, manipulation, etc, like what went wrong for everything to take such a dark turn???

But, like everything else, it really has to be done well or else its just like okay….… I’ve tried to read TSH twice and I may try again but from the 100+ ish pages I read I totally get what you mean. IWWV is so interesting to me bc the characters are all very compelling and multifaceted and I like that they are a close friendship, we come in after 4 years of them spending all the time together and to me that is apparent. Like you said, we can see fissures and problems especially as the novel continues but there is care there between them. That also makes the decision to let Richard die much more interesting and sinister imo, as well as how all of them interact with each other after he dies, and how the roles of the group change without their “leader” so to speak. Also, maybe it’s just bc I like Shakespeare, but I think the academia part of IWWV is so much more accessible compared to TSH. Like I don’t know every Shakespeare play or anything so I didn’t understand every nuance or was like immediately like oh this is from Cymbeline or whatever the fuck, but you could understand the gist of things and it made sense that they spoke in Shakespeare lines bc that’s all they’ve been doing for four years and also theatre kids are Like That. Their pretention also provided any Layers to the story, like the parallels between the characters they play and their own arcs, how some of the lines echoed their own thots, foreshadowed, or they were able to say things through Shakespeare (I’m thinking of like, Oliver realized he loved James during Romeo and Juliet, the foreshadowing that James was going to ruin Richard’s life and that he dislikes Meredith/Richard when he quotes Mercutio at the start “A plague o’ both your houses”, the exchange Oliver and James had onstage and had that kiss during King Lear before Oliver was arrested,etc.) (Also I think the structure of some of the dialogue being formatted like a play really helped make it feel more realistic and immersive). Versus TSH which is just so pedantic and dense and hard to follow at times im like I get they are smart but what??? And maybe that’s part of the satire aspect (or maybe im dumb) but like donna I read TGF I know you are pretentious and info dump abt random obscure shit anyways so erglknerg. Like to me there was a Point to all of the academic Shakespeare stuff in IWWV and it was the soul of the book, and M.L. Rio made it very interesting—like the way that the directors reimagined the plays and had Julius Caesar be like a modern political play, the cool mirror shit in King Lear, the Macbeth and Romeo and Juliet performances where they did them at events and interacted with their environments (which were one of my favorite parts of the books bc I just think that concept is so interesting), etc. For TSH the shit they did literally just felt like “okay look at them they’re smart see you can’t even keep up!” like okay… I felt lost a lot and only like snapped into reality whenever Henry (?) was like oh… murder….. and even then I was like idk what this dude is saying but like he’s being darksided LMAO. And I also agree that it’s just like… Richard being thrown in the middle of this group could lend itself to some cool ideas but its hard to believe that he fits into the friendship group and hes just like hell yeah I love Greek so much and lets go kill this guy other than like okay ur gay and stupid and just want to impress Henry or whatever his name was (which he was but I digress). It’s just not as impactful to me as this close friend group falling apart. Ik TSH fans might be angry if they see this (and of course I haven’t finished the book so my perception may be warped but I also kno many ppl felt that way u did) bc I’ve seen ppl say IWWV is just like TSH but “lackluster” or whatever and while I can see some parallels (mostly b/w Richard and Henry and Alexander and Francis), I really think M.L. Rio expanded upon common DA tropes and the interesting parts of TSH but made it her own and interesting and oh yeah there are actually multiple compelling female characters and LGBT characters (and no incest)!!!

#if we were villians #books #also literally dont apologize for any mistakes or going bonkers like i have no problem n i understood what u meant anyways LMAO #anon #ask

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lets-talk-appella · 5 years

Text

i’m nobody’s but yours

Chapter 15/25 - Beca

Summary: Beca is straight as an arrow. 100%, totally, completely straight. Except for one problem that 100%, totally, completely changes everything: Chloe Beale.

Title borrowed from Calum Scott’s “If Our Love Is Wrong.”

Word Count: 4k

Rating: M (for dark themes, homophobia, masturbation, and eventual smut in later chapters)

TW: This chapter depicts homophobia, hate language, and slurs. Please be prepared for that.

AO3, FFN, and below.

The sound of her phone buzzing incessantly shatters Beca’s concentration. She reluctantly drags her eyes from her laptop screen and reaches for her phone, seeing several texts from Jesse.

J: How’s it going?

J: Becaw!

J: Are u with Chloe?

J: I bet ur with Chloe

J: Did u guys do it yet?

Beca cringes and rolls her eyes. There’s just something that seems so very wrong about her ex-boyfriend asking about her current girlfriend (even thinking the word still makes butterflies flutter in Beca’s stomach). She types back the only thing she can think to say to that.

B: Gross.

His reply is almost instantaneous.

J: If u think it’s gross u might have to reexamine

J: Again, I mean

Beca sighs, giving her laptop a last regretful look, mourning the loss of her productivity. She pushes her chair away from the desk so she can prop her feet up on it while she types up her reply.

B: I mean you asking about it is gross. It’s weird, dude.

J: It’s been like forever tho

Beca scowls. It most certainly has not been “forever,” and besides, it’s really none of his business in the first place.

B: It’s been 3 weeks.

J: Forever

B: You’re weirdly invested in this. Stop.

J: Just trying to be ur lesbro. If I were gay for Max, I’d expect u to support me

Beca snorts; if Jesse were, in fact, “gay for” his new roommate, she supposes she’d be asking him just as many questions about it.

But not those kinds of questions.

B: Supportive is different than asking if we’ve done it. Are you gay for Max?

J: Don’t think so

B: Great. Bye, Jesse.

J: Bye!

Beca sighs in relief, placing her phone face-down on the desk. She returns to her laptop, lowering her feet from her desk and scooting her chair back in place. Just as she moves her hands to the keyboard, though, a light knock sounds on her closed bedroom door. Unlike Jesse’s intrusion, this one is welcome; she smiles, the familiar sound filling her chest with warmth, and calls, “It’s open!”

A second later, the door opens and she hears light footsteps on the stairs leading up to the room. Beca looks over and catches Chloe’s eye, peeking over the railing.

“Hey, how’s it going?” Beca greets her, grinning happily when Chloe walks toward her with purpose.

Instead of answering, Chloe rests one hand on the back of Beca’s chair, pushes it away from the desk, and, with practiced ease, swings a leg over to settle into Beca’s lap with a contented sigh.

“Oh, hi,” Beca manages, her hands rising automatically to Chloe’s hips to steady her and keep her from falling backward.

“Hi,” Chloe grins down at her. “Have a second?”

Beca nods, already tilting her face up, and Chloe leans forward until their lips meet.

They exchange kisses for several minutes, Beca losing herself in the feel of Chloe’s body warm and solid against hers, and of her lips and tongue moving languidly against her own. No matter how often they kiss, Beca doesn’t think she’ll ever tire of the way it makes her entire body light up and hum in response. She’s starting to think that any minute not spent kissing Chloe is a minute wasted.

Her hands slip up the back of Chloe’s shirt, fingers idly drawing patterns against the warm skin of her back. Her touch grows bolder, sliding up to trace over Chloe’s bra strap teasingly and back down. Chloe hums and presses even closer, her hands letting go of the back of the chair in favor of sliding into Beca’s hair, cradling the back of her head and holding her close.

After several minutes of this, their kissing comes to a natural end. Chloe pulls back somewhat reluctantly and turns around to sit in the chair so that her hips rest between Beca’s legs. Beca leans forward to wrap her arms around Chloe’s waist, drawing their bodies even closer together, and rests her chin on Chloe’s shoulder, inhaling the scent of her shampoo.

“Feels nice,” Chloe whispers, leaning into Beca.

Beca hums in contentment, watching Chloe examine her open laptop.

“What’re you working on?” Chloe asks, reading the screen.

“Applying for a couple of jobs,” Beca replies, pressing a kiss to the side of Chloe’s neck and smiling when it makes Chloe squeak a little. “Um, New York, mostly. Chicago, too, and Nashville.”

“All over, huh?”

“I want to keep my options open.”

“Right,” Chloe says faintly, leaning her head into Beca’s temple momentarily. Her fingers trace idly over Beca’s arms around her waist, leaving Beca’s skin twitching in response. Chloe takes a deep breath that Beca can feel, then asks, her tone a little off, “Do you wanna go on a walk or something? Take a break from this?”

“I’d love to,” Beca replies, now pressing a kiss to Chloe’s cheek, “but I’m meeting my dad and Sheila for dinner in, like, half an hour.” She glances at the time on her laptop. “Or, like, in twenty-three minutes.”

“Oh, that’ll be nice,” Chloe replies, her tone a little too bright to be natural. Her hands still against Beca’s arms.

Beca raises an eyebrow and looks at her as best she can from their position.

“Okay, yeah,” Chloe concedes, “I know, but they’re paying for dinner at least.”

“That is a good thing,” Beca agrees, leaning her cheek against Chloe’s shoulder. “I don’t know, my dad has just been on my ass about getting together since we saw them.”

The temperature in the room seems to drop at the reminder of their last encounter. Beca squeezes Chloe gently, trying to bring her back to the present.

“Well,” Chloe says bracingly after a moment. “Good luck, and tell them I say hi.”

“Okay, thanks,” Beca sighs. “I’ll need it.”

Chloe taps on her arms lightly once, asking without speaking to be let up. A little begrudgingly, Beca releases her hold around Chloe’s waist, allowing Chloe to rise from the chair. As soon as she stands, Beca misses her warmth.

“I’ll let you get some work done, then, before you go,” Chloe says, making her way back across the room. “Come find me later?” she asks.

“Definitely,” Beca promises. “Got something planned?”

“Maybe.”

Chloe makes a show of walking away, swaying her hips more than totally necessary, and consequently, Beca finds herself more focused on them than totally necessary. At the top of the stairs, she pauses, turning with a smirk, and Beca knows she’s been caught.

“Um, ah –”

Chloe grins wickedly, but before she can comment, the bedroom door reopens and Amy’s voice drifts up from the foot of the short staircase.

“Oh, hi, what were you two aca-lesbos up to? Better not have been on my bed.”

“No promises,” Chloe quips back, her tone less than innocent.

Beca closes her eyes, leans forward, and groans into her hands.

She’s totally whipped.

Beca parks Chloe’s car (they pretty much have an unspoken agreement that Beca can borrow it whenever she needs) in the lot of Platter o’ Peaches, her father’s favorite family-style restaurant in Barden. She turns off the car but doesn’t get out yet. She feels twitchy, electric, almost, as if some sort of storm is coming in the distance. The last time she’d seen Sheila and her dad echoes unpleasantly in her mind, setting her teeth on edge.

Well. I’m sure if you asked, maybe he’d be willing to be more than friends again. He’s good for you, Beca.

Honey, with your looks, you should be able to get any cute boy you want.

She hasn’t unbuckled her seatbelt yet, and for a moment she debates the merit of just driving away again. She could always claim she forgot about meeting them and try to reschedule. She has a feeling that won’t fly, though, and takes a steadying breath, resigning herself to her fate. She unbuckles her seat belt with a grumbled swear word and steps out of the car.

She’d parked close to the entrance, so the walk is short. She hauls open the annoyingly heavy door, knowing she’s running almost five minutes late. Sure enough, when she steps inside and greets the expectant-looking host, she hears her name being called.

Glancing to her left, she sees her dad and Sheila already have secured a table toward the center of the restaurant. They both wave at her, her dad looking happy to see her, and Sheila appearing almost disappointed, as if she’d been hoping Beca wouldn’t show.

Beca can already tell this won’t be pleasant.

With a closed-lipped smile at the host, Beca walks over to their table, weaving through other customers. It’s a Wednesday just before dinnertime, so the place isn’t super crowded, but it’s far from empty. While no one sits at the tables directly next to Warren and Sheila, a group of what looks like businessmen sits at an adjacent table, and an elderly couple sits near the windows on the opposite side of the room. The back wall is lined with booths, only two of which hold small groups of people, already digging into their gravy-covered meals.

Beca reaches her dad and Sheila’s table, forcing a smile onto her face that probably looks just as painful as it feels.

“Hi, Beca,” Warren greets. “You’re looking well.”

She hates how formal he is. He never used to talk like that when it was just him and her mom.

“Thanks,” she replies, pulling out her chair.

“Cutting it a little close on time, though,” Sheila notes, taking a sip of her water.

Beca’s teeth clench together as she takes her seat. “Yeah, well, my hair took a while.”

She’d pulled it into a messy bun 30 seconds before leaving the house.

Sheila raises an eyebrow but doesn’t comment any further.

“So… how’s it going?” Beca asks, trying for at least some civility. She knows she’s probably being harsher than they deserve, but they had almost ruined her second date with Chloe.

“Really well, thanks,” Sheila answers, then follows with, “No Chloe?”

Beca’s back tenses against her chair. Sheila’s tone is neutral, and if Beca didn’t know better, she’d almost think Sheila’s asking out of polite interest. However, the way Sheila looks at her, as if waiting for her to stumble and give something away, is unnerving. Warren merely peruses the menu in front of him, seemingly oblivious.

“Oh, no, no Chloe,” Beca tries to laugh it off, moving her chair back closer to the table. “Why do you ask?”

“You two seem to spend a lot of time together,” Sheila replies with a shrug that’s probably meant to be casual. “I think you’re with her more than with just about anyone else, that’s all.”

“Yeah, well,” Beca stalls, hiding her nerves by unfolding her napkin and arranging it in her lap. “Just, we were co-captains. So, Dad, what’s good here?” She knows it’s a blatant deflection, but it’s the only thing she can think to do.

Warren looks up, blinking, as if surprised to be addressed directly. “Oh, you know,” he says mildly, though Beca most certainly does not know. “The burgers are always my go-to.”

“Awes, well, I’ll look,” Beca replies, hiding her faint blush at the use of Chloe’s word behind the menu as she starts to search for a decent lunch.

Thankfully, silence falls as all three of them examine the menus. Beca’s almost positive her dad and Sheila don’t really need the menu; they probably eat here often enough, since neither of them can really cook. Beca uses the time to try to calm herself down, reading each menu item through carefully. It’s mildly concerning that the only items that seem to come without some form of gravy are the salads and club sandwiches.

When the waitress comes to take their order, Warren selects a regular hamburger and Sheila orders a salad and soup, with a loud and unnecessary comment about watching her weight. When the waitress turns to her, pen and pad in hand, Beca panics a little and ends up ordering the turkey club sandwich, even though she doesn’t really like turkey.

As soon as the waitress leaves with their orders, Sheila opens her mouth, probably to ask about Beca’s personal dating life or something equally invasive, but Warren cuts her off.

“So, you’re applying for jobs, then?” he asks, leaning forward.

Relieved, Beca takes the opportunity to tell them about the various producer positions she’s uncovered all across the country. He seems genuinely interested, as does Sheila, and that topic of conversation lasts well after their food comes and they start to eat. She’s careful to avoid mentioning Chloe and her own job search.

The lunch is actually going surprisingly well, and Beca feels herself relaxing as their meal continues without incident. She’s already more than halfway done with her club – the bacon on it helps cover the turkey – when two women, slightly older than her and holding hands, enter the restaurant.

They’re very clearly a couple; not only are they holding hands, but they’re looking at each other in a way Beca recognizes from how Chloe looks at her now. Beca immediately tenses, her eyes flicking to Sheila, who appears too enthralled by her limp salad to have noticed the couple’s entrance.

Beca watches closely as the host greets the women with a friendly smile and – no, no, no – leads them toward the table Beca shares with Sheila and Warren. Beca’s shoulders tense and she stares down at her club sandwich, desperate to keep Sheila’s attention down and away from the couple. The host leads them so close to their table that it Beca can feel the air stirring as they pass, but she still doesn’t look up.

Beca wonders why the women aren’t more careful in public. A small, snide part of her thinks they should know better than to act like that around potentially hostile strangers.

It’s not until the host returns to his stand that Beca risks a glance over her shoulder to see where the women ended up. To her alarm, she sees there are only a few tables between them, the women sitting at a booth along the wall directly behind Beca.

If Sheila were to look up, they’d be almost directly in her line of sight.

“Are there usually tomatoes in this salad?” Sheila asks the table at large, poking at a leaf of lettuce with her fork.

“Um –”

“You know, I’m going to ask,” Sheila twists around, looking for their waitress, even though she’s almost done with the salad anyway.

Her eyes scan the restaurant, and Beca can tell the instant she sees the couple. Her eyes lock onto them and her jaw goes slack.

Beca winces, dropping her attention to her plate.

“It’s getting worse,” Sheila says in an undertone, her voice full of disgust.

“What is?” Warren asks.

“That,” Sheila emphasizes, and without looking up, Beca knows she’s either pointing or nodding at the women so Warren can spot them.

Beca’s stomach rolls. She doesn’t think she can finish her sandwich.

“Maybe they’re friends,” Warren sighs, sounding so tired that it makes Beca look up. “Or sisters.”

“Not with the way they’re looking at each other.”

Knowing that she can’t feign deafness any longer, Beca glances over at where the women talk over their menus, smiling at one another with clear affection and happiness.

“Ugh, as if anyone wants to see that,” Sheila spits out. “I have half a mind to ask to switch tables.”

“Don’t be dramatic,” Warren admonishes, rolling his eyes.

It doesn’t have any impact on Sheila.

“It’s in public now, everywhere,” she continues. “You know, ever since they passed that ridiculous marriage equality garbage, the whole country has gone downhill.”

“Sheila…”

“What? I’m just stating facts. That law has everyone in a tizzy. It’s rude, you know, forcing themselves on us, like –”

“I’m dating Chloe.”

The words come out before Beca can stop them, totally beyond her control and likely in response to the disgust in Sheila’s voice. As soon as they’re out, she wants to take them back, to rewind, to pretend it hadn’t happened, but she can’t.

Immediately, panic rises in Beca’s throat like bile; she’d never intended to come out like this, with just some throwaway comment that doesn’t even come close to describing the most important relationship in her life.

Warren stares at her, his expression blank and surprised. She can’t tell what he’s feeling, has no idea what he thinks of her. Sheila, cut off mid-sentence, only stares at her, mouth open. It makes her look very foolish.

Beca takes a bite of her sandwich in an attempt to settle her stomach. Her entire body is numb.

“What did you say?” Sheila asks quietly.

Beca can’t answer.

“You’re a dyke?”

The instant Sheila asks, Beca stiffens and grips her sandwich tightly, the word impaling her stomach like a knife.

Beca’s dad puts down his hamburger and turns to Sheila, his expression serious. “Hey, that’s not –”

“That’s what she said, Warren, not me. She said she’s a dyke.”

Beca’s ears are ringing and she struggles to catch her breath. This is all her fault. She’d messed up. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.

“No, I said I’m dating Chloe,” she manages.

Sheila laughs, a cold scoff of a noise. “Same thing! Either way, it’s not natural,” she insists, then turns to Beca’s dad. “See, Warren, I told you they were too close, I told you it wasn’t right –”

Warren speaks over her, ignoring her scandalized expression. “While this is a, uh, surprise… we would love to get to know Chloe more, Beca,” he says kindly. “Why don’t you invite her over for dinner sometime?”

“Oh, sure, just encourage her!” Sheila throws her hands into the air, shutting down the idea before Beca can respond.

Beca puts down her sandwich, setting it back onto her plate. Her hands have started to shake.

A few people at the tables around them have tuned to stare, while simultaneously pretending they don’t notice anything amiss. Beca can only hope that the lesbian couple sitting behind her haven’t heard Sheila’s carrying voice.

“How long have you two been… how long has this been going on?” Warren asks carefully, compensating for Sheila by keeping the volume of his voice so low that Beca has to lean in to hear it.

“Um. Like three weeks,” Beca replies, not looking at him.

“Three weeks?!” Sheila gasps. “That’s – we saw you! Warren, I told you they’d been holding hands. I saw it!”

Beca knows she can’t lie.

“That was a date,” she whispers. On her plate, her food stares sadly back up at her.

There’s a beat of silence while Sheila and Warren absorb and process what she said. Beca’s eyes flick from the table to the door, mentally calculating how long it would take to for her to cross the distance.

“Beca, you’re confused,” Sheila begins in a sickly-sweet voice. “You’re not – what makes you think – how do you know you’re – like that?”

“How do you know you’re straight?” Beca fires back, meeting her in the eye for the first time in several minutes.

Sheila gapes at her in shock, while beside her, Warren seems to be trying to hide a smile. Beca shifts in her chair.

“You know what, I never liked this Chloe girl,” Sheila says pompously after a second, lifting her water glass to take a leisurely sip. “Suspicious type, and loud. Too friendly, like she wants something.”

“Sheila –”

“No, no, let me finish,” Sheila stops Warren and leans forward, extending a hand across the table to Beca, as if asking her to link their hands. Beca doesn’t touch it.

“Listen, Beca, honey,” she says quietly, adopting what is probably supposed to be a motherly tone. Beca hands curl into fists in her lap. “Did she persuade you? Is the threatening you with something if you don’t go along with her sick game? Has she touched you... inappropriately? We can bring her up on charges for that kind of thing.”

“Sheila!”

“It’s – that’s – no!” Beca argues back desperately, her eyes starting to sting. “I asked her out! I’ve wanted to date her for a long time!”

“I’m sure that’s what she let you believe –”

“No, that’s how I feel! I’m in love with her!”

“She’s brainwashed you into feeling something you don’t! You aren’t in love with her!”

Silence follows Sheila’s shout. Around them, the restaurant stills and heads turn in their direction. Warren shifts, looking awkward and uncomfortable, and reaches for his hamburger as if his wife and daughter aren’t engaged in a heated argument.

Gradually, the other diners around them return to their own business, and the soft hum of conversation around them resumes.

Beca breathes hard, staring at her plate again, trying to calm herself down. Yelling isn’t getting her anywhere. She needs to get out.

Before she can, though, Sheila says, much more softly, “Is that why you broke up with Jesse?”

“Oh my god!” Beca stares at her, incredulous. “Is that all you care about?”

“You broke up with him to be with – with Chloe?” Sheila presses, closing her eyes briefly as if Chloe’s name is a disgusting swear word.

“No, I – well, yeah, but it’s not –” Beca doesn’t even know what she’s saying anymore. She can barely hear her own voice over the pounding in her ears.

“You said you like women now.”

“I –”

Sheila leans forward again, glancing around to see whether she still has an audience. Satisfied that no one seems to be watching them, she says grimly, “You know what, I knew it was wrong to leave you with your mother for so long.”

“What?” Beca gasps, bewildered.

Warren looks up from his burger sharply, his eyes flicking between Sheila and Beca.

“Beca, I need you to be honest with me now,” Sheila continues. “Were you ever molested as a child? Did that turn you away from men?”

Beca’s jaw falls open. She can’t think of a single thing to say.

“Oh my god,” Warren hisses, angry for the first time. “You can’t honestly believe that!”

“She hasn’t answered, Warren.”

He turns to Beca, looking exasperated. With a sick pang, Beca realizes he actually expects her to answer the question.

She’s never despised him more than she does in that moment.

“Of course I wasn’t molested,” she spits out through gritted teeth, her face warming with rage. “That’s just – that’s disgusting.”

Sheila sits back in her chair, annoyed. “No, honey, that’s us trying to get to the root of this problem. I know the marriage equality passing must be confusing, and I’m so sorry about that. You aren’t – you’re not gay, Beca. I think, if you try to get back with Jesse, or just even if you find the right guy –”

Beca rises abruptly from the table, her hands slammed flat against its surface. Her entire body trembles with rage and she knows she’s about a second away from crying in anger, but she refuses to give Sheila the satisfaction.

“You know what?” she spits, taking petty satisfaction in how her father flinches away from her. “I’m done. I’m in love with Chloe, and that’s all it is. What you’re saying is – it’s –” Beca growls in rage, furious her words are failing her now. She takes a breath, then says with as much poise as she can muster, “You have to get used to it, or this is the last time we see each other.”

“Beca…”

Beca doesn’t even glance at her father. She reaches down, snatches her purse off the floor, and digs in it until she finds her wallet. Snapping it open, she fishes out a ten-dollar bill and throws it on the table, paying for her own meal.

Without another look at Warren and Sheila – and with a silent apology to everyone else in the restaurant, and especially to the lesbian couple – she walks away from the table, head held high.

“Beca!” Warren calls again, but she ignores him as completely as he’d ignored her when he’d walked out on her and her mom all those years ago.

She flings open the restaurant door, storms to Chloe’s car, fingers fumbling with the fob to unlock it. She has to try twice, but she eventually gets it, wrenches open the driver’s door, and throws herself in before slamming it.

Resting her forehead against the steering wheel, she draws desperate gulps of air into her lungs, trying to calm down so she can drive. She’s still trembling head to foot, and her throat and eyes burn with unshed tears. Squeezing her eyes closed, she imagines what’s happening inside the restaurant, wondering how long it will take her dad to come after her.

She imagines she has time to kill before that happens.

She yells out wordlessly in frustration; her heart still pounds and she wonders if she’s about to be sick. She knows she shouldn’t drive yet, but she needs to run, to escape from the mess she’d left behind.

Gritting her teeth, she starts Chloe’s car, turns the stereo up as loud as it can go, and, after fumbling with the seat belt until it clicks into place, tears out of the parking lot at top speed. It’s risky, and it’s stupid, and it’s impulsive, but she presses the accelerator down even further, her only thoughts of escape and of the home she has in Chloe’s arms.

#bechloe #bechloe fic #my writing #beca mitchell #chloe beale #pitch perfect fanfic #i'm nobody's but yours #chapter fifteen #depiction of homophobia #depiction of hate language including slurs #beca's parents

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balmerancrystalance · 6 years

Text

good for the soul ryance hcs

adam is giving the mfe pilots instructions but the second the pretty boy with the blue eyes and bright smile comes out of the pod the world stops

adam: was i clear, cadet?

kinkade: i'm so gay

rizavi, under her breath, offended: wow, bi erasure much?

adam: become a teacher they said, it’ll be fun they said. fuck you, takashi

cue to shiro lightly tapping adam’s shoulder

iverson introduces the paladins and pilots and lance calls kinkade “ryan”

rizavi, being the godsend she is: actually, he’s not comfortable with people calling him-

kinkade, blushing: its okay, really *turning to lance* you can call me ryan

the mfe pilots might be in the middle of an alien war but that had to be at the top 5 of most unbelievable things they've ever seen

leifsdottir: it’s not humanly possible but you just might be blushing about 50 shades of red right now *turning to rizavi* d-did i used the reference right?

rizavi, on the floor: you got it, babygirl

griffin wheezing noises in the background

kinkade goes to visit lance at his hospital room after war is over, lance pretending to be asleep just to see how ryan will deal with his mom alone, his plan backfiring him when the beeping of his heart going into cardiac arrest coming from the machine betrayes him when the word "hero" comes from the other boy's lips

lance goes to shiro with his mayhaps-mayhaps-not boy problems

lance: i thought nothing could scare me anymore, i mean i died and everything but now a pretty boy smiles at me and i feel like i’m gonna be sick

shiro: yOU fUCkING DiEd??!!!?!!?!!

since his talk with shiro almost ended up on him dying, again, lance goes to adam, he doesn’t get that much help but b OI does he has enough material to blackmail shiro now

desperate times call for desperate measures

lance: you have to promise not to tell anyone but... i think ryan likes me...? and i think i like him too...?

keith, stopping halfway his knife trick:

keith: and they say i'm the dense one? jfc its like adam and shiro all over again

lance is telling ryan voltron stories, and ryan it’s a great listener of course, but just objectifies he’s having a hard time believing lance piloted a giant robotic alien lion

lance, before he realizes what he's saying: i could show you around sometime

kinkade, smirking: are you offering me a ride?

lance, after rebooting for the 5th time that night: only if you say yes

spolier alert ahead: he says yes

lance: you'll have to be careful tho, red isn't very-

red’s jaw drops at the sight of kinkade just like everyone else

lance: ...friendly

kinkade, already getting inside: hey, you coming?

lance, staring at the red lion for solid 5 seconds: traitor

dudes pals bros who train together...

kinkade, panting: okay, you might be good at shooting and sparring but i'm sure there's something i'm better at

sponge bob narrator's voice: a few moments later

kinkade, pining lance to the ground: hm, who knew you'd be so bad at hand on hand combat? i win, again

lance, smirking: i got you pinning me down so who's the real winner here

lance asking kinkade for advice because he could listen to him talk forever, and if takes pride he's the only one ryan says more than two words to no one needs to know

lance: nice work out there, sharpshooter

pidge, confused: i thought sharpshooter was your thing?

lance, sighing dreamily watching as ryan walks away: he’s about to be

one day shiro beckons kinkade over after training

kinkade, mocking: is this the part where we have the "you break his heart, i break your neck" talk, commander?

shiro: hmm, i didn't even thought about it but now that you mention it *shiro's arm glow*

one night while doing his perimeter check kinkade bumps into lance stargazing at the garrison's rooftop

lance, smirking: hey, you come here often?

kinkade: umm, we take turns to do our night rounds and i'm in charge of this wing today

lance, after going over the garrison pilots' schedules with hunk and pidge ten thousand times: oh, i didn't knew that

another night kinkade walks into the showers late at night after training, immediately stopping dead on his tracks

someone is s i n g i n g

someone is s i n g i n g in the s h o w e r s

someone is s i n g i n g in s p a n i s h in the s h o w e r s

lance, walking out of the shower: ah! oh, ryan, you scared me! *blushes looking away tightening his altean robe around himself* sorry, i'm still not used to share with so many people after being stuck in space, and i come from a huge family like-wow, okay, i'm rambling again. so, i'm just gonna-

kinkade, turning to take off his shirt, not being able to look at lance in the eye: you have a beautiful voice, lance

*lance.exe has stopped working for so many reasons*

lance beaming when ryan asks him the next day what song he was singing, making his way downtown walking fast and into his room to look for his ancient mp4 where his childhood playlist was intact and giving it to him

lance’s heart screaming in two different languages when ryan asks him to share headphones so lance can translate the songs for him

they try to learn spanish together but both get awfully distracted

lance convinces ryan to do beauty masks with him because, bonding of course, and if he gets to touch the other boy while doing so he won’t complain

kinkade, who has been bullied when little, thrives as lance keeps rambling about how cool his hair is and how beautiful his skin tone is

kinkade: you do know you don't need these, right? or cover up your freckles? or straighten your hair? or pretend you don't use reading glasses?

lance, thanking god the mask won't let his blush show: h-how?

kinkade, quickly looking away: i just like observing people

hunk and ryan become cooking buddies and that’s the law

hunk, leaving the room: and whatever you do, don't let lance lick the spoon

lance, indeed, immediately goes for the spoon

kinkade: lance...

lance, licking the spoon: yes, ryan?

*kinkade.exe has stopped working*

lance knows both the paladins and the mfe would rat him out so literally his only choice is

lance: come on, veronica. i need you to work with me here

veronica: lance, for the last time, my knowledge on the mfe pilots is strictly academic so no, i don't know if kinkade enjoys romcoms, long walks on the beach and deep talks about his future

they're hanging out at lance's old room, with the door open because lance’s mom says so, when ryan finally notices the glow in the dark stars stuck to the ceiling

kinkade, snorting: oh my god. you were that kind of nerd *they both giggle then stay in silence* how was it like? *turns to lance* to see real ones?

lance: if there's something i've learned from space is that everything is more beautiful up close

kinkade, looking at lance: yeah..

its movie night for team garrison/team voltron but certain pair is mia

pidge at the mfe: wait, if lance isn't with you...

rizavi at the paladins: and kinkade isn't with you...

allura, entering the room: has any of you seen the blue lion?

meanwhile on what was left of varadero beach after the war

lance, walking into the water with his jeans rolled up: i've been dying to come here since since i got back, it looks so different, but still so beautiful. i’m glad you accepted to come with me

as if out of a fucking nicholas sparks book, it starts to rain, and fuck if it isn’t perfect because lance looks so fucking happy and ryan is just weak

kinkade, watching as lance dances under the rain: hey, lance? speaking of things we've been dying to do since you got back

lance, turning to him, smiling: yeah?

kinkade takes lance’s hand to pull him in a twirl and finally kissing him, loosing his balance and falling into the water when lance immediately kisses him back

bonus

keith, sitting upside down on the couch playing video games: lance, how do you get a boyfriend?

lance, pausing the game to look at him dead in the eye: keith, my man, the fact i'm dating ryan doesn't mean i have any idea of what the fuck i'm doing

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vaguely-concerned · 5 years

Text

SO I DID GET TO SEE GOOD OMENS AND TL;DR IT WAS EXCELLENT, I AM EUPHORIC

more thoughts and spoilers under the cut!

the FUCK YEEEEEEEAAAAAHs:

- mr gaiman you did it you made it even gayer I never even believed it was possible what is this 6000 years pining slowburn nonsense

*ahem* to be more serious about it I loved that the show takes the emotional throughlines from the book and somehow both heightens and deepens them.

- it really is phenomenally faithful to the book and the stuff it adds is mostly a m a z i n g. it kept me perfectly engaged despite me knowing what like 75% of the dialogue was going to be

- david tennant doesn’t quite go for the same energy as how I imagine crowley in the book -- in my head he’s more... idk how to explain it but the vibe is more someone grinning a bright fixed ‘this is totally my suave face’ grin while clearly continually going ‘oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck’ internally haha, to me he’s slightly less... mercurial? trying to play his cards closer to the chest? but you know what show!crowley is fucking hilarious too and I do like what they’ve done with him being less of an optimist at the core and more enjoying the world through his connection with aziraphale -- the sense of underlying loneliness you get in some places in the book has really been dialed up, he just wants a friend :( (which incidentally seems to be part of the reason he fe -- sauntered vaguely downwards too; he mostly wanted to hang out with someone, and today he still doesn’t really fit in with either the angels or the demons)

- I can’t believe they managed to capture the feeling of ‘Under the ash and soot that flaked his face, he looked very tired, and very pale, and very scared’ on screen; it’s one of the moments of the book that really stuck with me and it worked so well here too, especially since the fallout of the situation stays with him longer

- this version of aziraphale is just. so lovely. so so good, literal precious angel who almost got his head cut off for crepes, I totally see why crowley persevered through the ages and his own intimacy issues, good call my friend. thank you michael sheen, every time this character showed up on screen I was filled with joy and delight

- I’m completely undone by how incredibly mutual their friendship is in this -- despite crowley being the more active in asking for connection it’s obvious all the way through how much aziraphale genuinely adores him and enjoys his company (even though he knows he shouldn’t and so continually needs to give himself some plausible deniability)

when aziraphale’s voice breaks as he’s like ‘don’t go’ after they’ve argued in the park and he’s just tried to pretend they’re not even friends? hahahahahahaha ouch my fucking heart

- sister mary loquacious was the most endearing thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life, give that actress all the roles she’s got the charisma of the gods

- “not only a southern pansy, sergeant -- the southern pansy” got through and it was glorious (ditto shadwell’s naming schemes, I for sure thought that wouldn’t be mentioned but it’s so incredibly funny)

- crowley repeatedly and openly just... begging aziraphale to go off to the stars with him what the fick-freckedy-fuck

- Of the horsemen Pollution was my absolute fave (so cool and unsettling and nonbinary rep!!!!!!! also they feel like the youngest horseman in such a deep way, every credit to the actress that was great) and I really enjoyed the twist on Famine, making him seem more intense and hungry himself as part of his nature as opposed to in the book where he’s basically like... diet vetinari lol

- G A B R I E L he was so perfectly awful... absolutely no redeeming features whatsoever he’s just a piece of shit all the way through and John Hamm was clearly having the time of his life with it and I too was living

- crowley crying in the bar because he lost his best friend and there’s no point to even try to run away anymore if he’s alone, he’s just waiting for the end of the world ;____________________________________________________; what an addition, such a thoughtful way to steer his character arc, wonderful, spectacular

in the book it’s more about him finding his way through the fear and desperation and having lost everything back to his core ‘actually... fuck this there’s no situation I can’t snake my way out of let’s goooooooooo’ self, which is admittedly really cool and satisfying, but it feels like a shallower thing than finally reaching a point where he can no longer pretend he doesn’t care or doesn’t want things. (also... the way his will to live reignites the moment aziraphale needs him fjskadlfhaskdhfksldhfslkahdf “I’ll come find you” INDEED fjksdafhsdlfhsdalfh)

- also a nice tiny change: the implication that reason he can drive the bentley through the flames is that he loves that car so fucking much, he’s invested so much of himself and his emotions in it over many years, like a sort of microcosm of how he feels about the actual world (and specifically humanity’s presence in it) that produced it

- the child actors were uniformly precious, and the kid who played adam got me right in the feelings. the sort of comedic sociopathy of kids thing going on in the book is downplayed, which means I was feeling all the more protective of this sweet sweet kid who just loves his dog and his friends and fjsdfklasjkh

- *sigh* my embarrassing crush on david tennant has been lying dormant these last few years, simply waiting for its chance to rise from the depths like a kraken yet again, and I am slightly unsettled that what really made it surface this time was him dressed up as evil Mary Poppins + the bathing suit, socks included. ah well the heart uh wants what it wants I guess

- crowley is awfully quick to suggest child murder for someone who’s blatantly not willing to harm a hair on a kid’s head himself lawl the two of them just juggling the ‘but maybe you could like... quickly murder him so we could avoid all this???’ ball back and forth before madame tracy finally knocks some sense into them

- the actress for madame tracy did such an amazing job that I literally forgot aziraphale wasn’t actually possessing her, ART

- fellas... is it gay to blow up a bunch of nazis for your ~*best friend*~ and save his books while actualfax romantic music swells in the background... asking for a friend

- “anywhere you want to go” :):):):) oh no

- to be Sad at you for a second here... why the fuck did aziraphale immediately assume crowley wanted the holy water to use it on himself? is there like. a story here we don’t know. is this the fallout of going to check wtf the spanish inquisition was all about. I’m almost afraid to ask

- to be even Sadder: that ‘For Terry’ made me cry and I’m not ashamed to admit it

the awwww... okay I guess you can’t have EVERYTHINGs:

- the scene where crowley and aziraphale get wasted together after the antichrist is delivered is not quite as funny as it is in my head, but then I don’t think anything in the physical world could be as funny as the way I imagine them just like somberly leaning over the table at each other with little regard for personal space and drunkenly expounding on dolphins, so I’ll forgive it

- CGI satan was completely unnecessary and not even very well designed *shrug emoji* the whole point of that scene is that we never get to see him, just the mounting dread as he’s getting closer, and then the wordless reveal of who Adam considers to be his dad and that’s all that matters and even the devil is powerless against it... loved the ~*godfathers*~ giving a little literal angel/devil on my shoulder pep talk, tho, that was incredibly sweet

- ...the maggots huh neil. couldn’t leave them out huh. what a world it would be if we didn’t get to see a bunch of people get eaten by a writhing roomful of maggots huh.

- ETA: actually one more: I refuse to accept this version of DEATH, hashtag not my reaper

#good omens #good omens spoilers #*sigh* my brain is tired from being excited but that's kind of fine #I'm sure this is not very coherent but well I don't feel all that coherent haha

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intothespideyverses · 6 years

Text

a modest reinterpretation of “andi’s choice” in c-minor (inspired by a post by @ambimack)

in which bowie ghostwrites a song, andi tries to go ghost on walker, and [insert third awful ghost pun here]:

so bowie is actually ringing up customers for once at the music store that I figured rarely got business because helloo it’s always damn near empty but I guess today there was a surge of customers seeking out guitar picks and vinyls to show how Cultured and Unique they were for listening to the beatles or whomever. anyway jonah is on his guitar, doing as jonahs are wont to do, and bowie drops the bomb on him with “so yeah remember that music coach I told you about? she hates you. she quite frankly and literally wants you dead. she told me this herself. why didn’t you show up???” and jonah’s like “andi don’t fw me anymore :(” which isn’t rly an answer bc lbr here homeboy was ALREADY running late. you mean to tell me him staring at that painting took 4 whole minutes? nah.

so anyway bowie’s like “hm let’s change that” bc manipulating your daughter’s emotions behind her back is cool I guess. bowie, totally not projecting in any way whatsoever, suggests that jonah write andi a song. jonah’s not about it tho. “I can’t talk about my feelings!” he says, which is true considering he only just started exhibiting negative emotions for the first time ever last week. bowie goes, “sure u can! what rhymes with back?” and jonah almost says “crack!” bc thats clearly what bowie’s been on for the past 2 episodes but lemme not.

anyway jump to andi @ the spoon and her boo thang who’s not rly her boo thang yet bc terri hates us is facetiming her again. “so andi, my wife whom I would die for, what’s up?” and andi replies “my best friend is moving away :(” so walker, the understanding king he is, goes “aw pick your head up queen, your crown’s falling :’)” and tells her to go be with her friends and something about a bubble machine idk but w/e we still stan.

buffy comes in w/ all the junk the ghc left at her house including a knockoff tamagotchi which seems kinda before andi’s time?? like she was supposedly 7 when she got it which would have been around 2010? but once again w/e we still stan. and buffy reads the recommendation letter cyrus’ mom wrote for him which seemed a tad incomplete. “I can’t believe my mom forgot to add three references, what a waste...” he sighs.

but walker comes in and andi’s like “tf didn’t u just tell me to drink bubble soap and be w/ my friends? what r u doing here?” and walker, the modern day da vinci, says “im here to draw ur friends as a going away present for your fellow queen, buffy” and buffy looks shooketh like hey if andi don’t want him go get him sis!

so walker draws a louvre level artist rendering of the ghc and instead of appreciating the fact that walker could probably make an exact recreation of the mona lisa, andi’s like “*rolls eyes emoji* *sucks teeth emoji* now i got TWO of these little boys after me what the fuck -_-” but that doesn’t matter bc buffy and cyrus are LIVING for it.

“im gay so clearly im the better sassy best friend, step tf back bitch”

“the sassy best friend stereotype was made for my black ass cyrus so if you think for even a second I won’t claim my rightful spot you are sadly mistaken”

“let me have this one thing buffy I can’t even say the word gay out loud on this damn show can I at least have this?? can I?”

buffy takes a sip of her virgin margarita and goes...

anyway back at the music shop, jonah has just finished practicing the song bowie ghostwrote for him. jonah’s like “great this is perfect for me to sing outside andi’s window” and bowie quite litcherally flips a table and goes “you rly thought u were gonna pull that corny shit??? what year is it?? 1985 called they want their courtship technique back lol what a loser” and jonah’s like hm perhaps he really is on crack but doesn’t say it out loud bc that would hurt bowie’s feelings :/. bowie says that he already booked jonah to perform at the open mic being held THAT NIGHT lmao and jonah just about has another panic attack bc what??

“what??” he asks bowie who is too busy thinking about him performing “you girl” to bex when they were younger to even remember who jonah even is. jonah’s quite honestly shitting himself and wondering what tf he’s going to do. “being around you” is cute and all but it doesn’t go nearly as hard as andi deserves, especially if he now has to compete with artsy fartsy walker who could probably redo the sistine chapel all by himself if he rly wanted to. “hm..........how can one convey how truly deep in their feelings they are for the one they love?” jonah asks the universe, bc hey it seems to always work for bowie.

the universe responds by sending a speeding car full of college kids blasting aubrey graham’s newest hit single right into the storefront window.

“that’s it!”

jonah’s handing out flyers at the spoon and cyrus literally melts into a puddle and I’m pretty sure this is the first nod to his crush on jonah since he came out to andi wow. andi’s like “since when do u do anything aside from throwing a plastic disc?” and jonah’s like “last week 🤗"

they go to the open mic and some girlie is throwing it DOWN w/ her accordion but bowie being the uncultured swine he is, pulls her off the stage. “anywayyyy here’s our final performance and the only reason we held this show tonight, give a big round of applause to jonah beck!”

jonah walks out with his guitar and an amazon copyrighted product shaped like a portable speaker. bowie’s like 🤨 bc this was supposed to be an acoustic performance tf does he need a backing track for? jonah sits down on his lil stool and clears his throat. “alexa play ‘in my feelings, jonah beck cover’”. the device plays a track consisting of jonah’s angelic backing vocals, and our boy begins to strum his guitar. he opens his mouth to croon...

“trap...trap bowie bowie”

bowie’s chiseled jaw drops to dirty ass music shop floor. “this is...not what I planned.”

“this stuff’s got me in my feelings...gotta be real w/ it...”

the entire audience has a collective heart attack.

“an-di, do u luv me? r u riding? say you’ll never ever leave from beside me, cause I want ya and I need ya, and I’m down for u always...”

buffy and cyrus catch whiplash from turning so fast to face andi. “the song’s about YOU bitch!”

andi shakes her lil head. “puh-lease, no it’s not”

cyrus, doing his best not to cry, says “he literally just said ur name but go off”

andi’s in denial bc eww j*n*h b*ck? singing a song? for her? disgusting. but jonah keeps singing his little heart out and the lyrics are more and more damning as they go on.

“trap, trap bowie bowie...I buy you rice on a string cause you not that showy”

“art 101 cause u just like zoey”

“fuck he is singing about me...”

“fudge that netflix and chill what’s ur net-net-net worth?” jonah sings, hitting an impossible high note. queen of vocals.

“you’re the only one I luv~~~” he serenades, serving us mariah carey level whisper notes. ariana is cancelled! our boy finishes the song, basking in the thought of how many careers he singlehandedly ended by performing at this small hole-in-the-wall music shop in bumfuck, utah. drake your days are numbered sis.

everyone immediately deserts the shop en masse like did y’all see how fast they all left last episode?? damn. buffy and cyrus stay behind while andi is frozen sitting in her chair bc what the hell does one say to that.

bowie goes up to jonah and is like “so um...that was...different.” and jonah responds “ikr! see, ‘being around you’ felt too old school, too...2002. idk why that year specifically, but idk it just sounds like it was written in 2002 for a completely different person, maybe even bex, but what do I know? im just your friendly neighborhood jonah beck.” bowie is shook. “anyway, do u think andi liked it?” bowie looks up to see his dorder who he’s more or less forgot about in favor of m*randa and demon child for the past couple of days walking in slow motion to the stage. how she was doing that was beyond him. “well, she looks like she’s about to cry so that’s either a very good thing or a very bad thing. ur on ur own now bud.” and he skidaddles to where bex is waiting. oh yeah bex was in this episode too I forgot.

andi approaches jonah and he’s like “...so...song....you like?” and andi’s internally screaming bc everyone for the past several weeks has been pushing this relationship on her including jonah himself and now he just sung this song in front of all these ppl and now she pretty much HAS to kiss him so anyway ya she does.

when she pulls away jonah blinks. “oh...dosche”

THE END.

will andi finally break up with jonah for good? will jonah avoid copyright infringement for covering a drake song on disney channel? will bowie seek help for his crack addiction? find out next time on dragonball z!

#this is...several levels of terrible #andi mack

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