#would literally rather die than to have a a gang of friends following me and forcing me to accept FURTHER BACK the past i escaped like

[kisaraslover]

at the risk of sounding like a Very Hurt Person ill be frank. Seto Kaiba being set up as a traumatized, mentally ill kid with PTSD, who had to cope alone and heal alone and bury his past and reinvent himself, proving to and deeply convincing himself that he can do anything in the process, resulting in this narcissistic double ended blade persona, which, narratively speaking, only gets stomped on, by the good guys, antagonized, by the good guys, and as the Merciful course of action the good guys: Force Him Back Into Accepting And Becoming His Past Self (literally cant imagine a worse fate for anyone who had to erase their past and remake themselves tbh) With Its Past Loves And Past Hurts:

this shit suck lol

#not art #seto kaiba #yugioh #ygo #i might hiss like a wounded animal when Atem is near Kaiba. but worry not. its only because im personally offended when he speaks to seto #i AM projecting before anyone accuses me of it. but the interpretation is solid sadly. this post is canon compliant! #do with that what you will #would literally rather die than to have a a gang of friends following me and forcing me to accept FURTHER BACK the past i escaped like #wdym??? ill kms?????? right now?? #and the secret past is one where he was your SERVANT???? this man with THIS ego???????YOUR LOYAL SERVANT? #AND HE LOST THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE THERE????? and he spent the rest of his life MOURNING after both yall??????? #no id rather kms than acknowledge im sorry #i get him #this is why im a kaiba kinnie and youre a kaiba shipper with atem or yugi or joey #LMAO came out swinging at the last sentence im unwell rn

[saintsenara]

I have really enjoyed reading your answers to the rare pair tag game. I have added a lot of the fics that you recommended on your latest answer to my 'Marked for Later' list on a03 to enjoy over the weekend. I was wondering your honest thoughts are on the following ships: Tom/Ron, James/Snape, Tom/Hermione, Molly/Bellatrix, James/Regulus and Snape/Lily and Dudley/Draco. I apologise for the number of ships and I am really curious on your opinions.

thank you so much for the ask, @sarafina-sincerity - and for continuing my recent tradition of offering opinions nobody else wanted to hear on an increasingly unhinged list of pairings.

[i know you sent a message apologising for sending some ships which were asked before, but i love to chatter, so i'm going in to answer the original...]

tom riddle | voldemort/ron weasley

obviously this is the crack pairing when it comes to voldemort + a member of the trio - while tomarrymort and tomione/volmione stories number into the thousands on ao3, voln/ton/rom/ronmort/whatever we're calling it has a grand total of... ten tagged works.

i think this is a tremendous shame, but not - it's important to say - because i agree with the tedious fanon idea, particularly prevalent in ships which feature hermione with anyone else, that ron would make a good death eater [as you will see below, i think that honour belongs firmly to hermione herself...] - even in a voldemort wins au, ron isn't going over to the dark side. it sounds too much like hard work.

instead, i'm into this pairing because ron is... kind of mother. he likes to look after people and he channels his negative emotions into doing this [he wouldn't have left the tent if harry and hermione had learned how to shoplift properly and he could be settled in front of a nice pot, i'll die on that hill]. just imagine little captive ron - maybe the snatchers recognised him, maybe voldemort's won and everyone else is dead - bustling around his gilded prison in malfoy manor making the dark lord a cup of tea when he turns up to psychologically torture him. voldemort would - as i am - be intrigued.

and if, in fact, you'd like to see almost exactly this situation play out, you will definitely enjoy wind tunnels by @mrmxlemons. ron isn't having a good time, but his cooking is.

james potter/severus snape

i've not read much snames, so this is mostly just based on general vibes: i think it's fine but not fantastic.

as i've said in literally everything i've ever posted about sirius black/severus snape, snack is a great pairing because they're narrative mirrors, something which creates so much drama that it makes me scream.

severus and james don't have this - if anything, they're narrative opposites. james is adored by his parents, he's rich, he gets the girl, his best friend is in love with him and not the other way round, he's the ringleader of his gang rather than a follower, his whole family have been gryffindors, and so on and so forth. obviously opposites attract, but you haven't got the immediate potential for connection that you have between severus and characters such as sirius, lily, and - let's all be real - voldemort.

i'm not really going to get into the bullying debate here, but it seems to me that severus would regard james - had he lived - in a similar way to how he regards the adult lupin; that is, that he would completely disassociate from any situation in which he's present, rather than love getting in his face as he does with sirius. i don't love snupin for this reason [i'll read it, of course, but it always feels extremely ooc to me] - the fissure caused by their conflicting personalities simply runs too deep, and my suspicion is that snames is the same.

hermione granger/tom riddle | voldemort

so, this is the one where I think I'm likely to deviate most significantly from the opinions of my dash...

i think it's entirely plausible, but only from hermione's side.

the argument i've seen most against tomione/volmione is that hermione's moral code would never permit her to accept anything less than a voldemort who was transformed into a man she would want - which means the whole murder thing needs to get thrown in the bin.

i... disagree. the canonical hermione is someone who is very morally inflexible in relation to how she expects others to behave, but incredibly morally flexible - and often quite immoral - in pursuit of things she herself wants or thinks she wants. she is also the cruelest and most ruthless member of the trio. she thinks herself rational and would - therefore - be the easiest for anyone cleverer than rita skeeter to manipulate. she is very lonely, and would, in a situation in which she was captured, be the member of the trio most swayed by basic demonstrations of kindness [lord voldemort only needs to endure a brief conversation about hogwarts: a history and hint that harry and ron aren't coming to look for her and he's golden]. she always thinks she's right - if she's convinced just by harry and ron not telling her otherwise that her knitted hats are freeing house elves in their droves, i am certain she could be convinced that she won concessions for muggleborns under voldemort's regime through her own skill and not because he wanted to grant them anyway. and so on.

whether the relationship is something she has to do or wants to do, i think she'd be able to justify it to herself as a necessary evil which doesn't actually go against her standards for herself. that she would never think this for harry and ron if they shacked up with the dark lord is part of the fun...

from voldemort's perspective, while he definitely has a weakness for dark curly hair [bellamort nation, rise up], i cannot see him going for it as anything other than a tool of psychological warfare [whereas i think you can write e.g. tomarry based very much in mutual attraction]. intellectually, while hermione is very clever, she doesn't have the interest in experimentation which voldemort has [this is why snapemort and riddledore both always slap - they have the same views on magic], she's extremely condescending, which is his thing, she obviously grew up incredibly rich, and her dour, whiggish empiricism doesn't align very well with his late-antique-emperor's view of the world.

she doesn't give a shit about dead rabbits though. maybe they could bond over that.

bellatrix lestrange/molly weasley

yeah why not. they canonically went to hogwarts at the same time and bellatrix is definitely giving off jilted ex vibes in that final duel.

would molly put up with bella's nonsense? absolutely not. bellatrix would have exactly the same reaction as fleur to the burrow - nothing to do except cooking and chickens - and the ensuing argument would burn the place to the ground far more interestingly than that dogshit scene in the half-blood prince film.

regulus black/james potter

i don't know her, sorry.

lily evans/severus snape

as i said here, i'm into it in a post-james world where lily is trying to rebuild her life by connecting with her past.

so let's take it from a different angle: do i think it could work in the pre-james era?

absolutely not. i think these two need something as seismic as catastrophic loss to force them to actually engage with each other as they are, rather than as the versions they've constructed in their heads. at school, where they're both just dancing round each other, never seeing eye-to-eye on anything, they're never going to be able to get to that place.

i also think james needs to be out of the picture - she's clearly into him long before the mudblood incident, and that knowledge would only ever make severus astonishingly unpleasant to have as a boyfriend. rip king, but you were lost in service of shipping.

dudley dursley/draco malfoy

yeah it's hot. boxer!dudley is enormous and ripped, what's not to love. draco deserves a huge boy who also hates harry.

plus imagine narcissa vs petunia on the topic of their darling boys. or lucius vs vernon when the former pulls up to privet drive in a flying rolls royce. i would be seated.

#asks answered #asenora's opinions on ships #unhinged and deranged ships

[starpirateee]

Another guest, another request! I mean, this one was directly inspired by the last one I think, but I did deviate... Mainly because by the time I started writing it I was too far gone to realise I may be doing it wrong. Oh well! Hope I did alright anyway

Early January. The week before school was about to be set everyone back into their routine, Pete had plans. He'd bought a whole new notebook, and he'd had the idea for a brilliant new start to a campaign, one that he just had to share with Richie and Trevor as soon as possible. It was going to be huge.

Or rather, it would've been.

The notebook sat open on the first page. His pen was at least out of the cup he'd been using to hold them, but not a word had been written. Mainly because Pete had woken up feeling worse for wear.

At first, it had been fine. Just a headache, and he thought that the cloud in his vision was because he hadn't put on his glasses. But when that didn't change, he realised exactly what was going on. This was beause of the day before, wasn't it?

He sighed, flopping back onto his bed. Of all the things to happen on winter break, it was just his luck that his already shitty immune system had decided to screw him over something chronic. On today of all days. The day he finally got a good idea.

He found the strength to grab his phone, knowing that he'd made plans in some capacity. At least he wasn't going to bail on them on purpose, or make them believe that he was...

Pete:

Hey guys, we had plans today, right?

Ruth:

Uhh... Yeah? We were going skating?

Why, who are you leaving us for??? :0

Pete:

I'm not! I can literally barely see!

Ruth:

You break your glasses?

Richie:

they were fine yesterday...

Pete:

No, I'm not doing so well

I think, when it snowed yesterday, it fucked everything...

Snowball fight probably didn't help tbh

Ruth:

:(

Richie:

that sucks! ugh it's always when we wanna do something fun!

Pete:

You guys can still go! I'm not stopping you!

Have fun without me

Richie:

dont die on us. or else.

Pete huffed a breath of laughter. His friends did always know how to bring the best out of a situation, didn't they?

The moment he put his phone down, he got another text. Typical really, that the action tended only to happen when he was ready to give it up for the time being. He picked it up again, adjusting his glasses like that would help the pain behind his eyes.

Richie:

shit, wait

was that our fault?

By the time Pete opened his phone, Richie was typing again. He watched the three bubbles move across his screen, deciding not to say anything until Richie got out what needed to be said.

Richie:

you said the snowball fight, yeah? did we get you sick?

Ruth and Richie had ganged up on him, which was really funny at first, because he was still winning over both of them even with the disadvantage. Richie couldn't aim worth his life, and while Ruth could, she always made it glaringly obvious whenever she was about to attack, which totally defeated the purpose.

He'd paid for that victory with this impressive fever, that was for sure.

Pete:

Don't say it like that, it's fine!

Richie:

sorry!!!

Pete knew the reason why, of course. As soon as he was old enough to understand the word diabetic, he knew why. He had a terrible immune system because of that. So really, he'd brought it upon himself by initiating the fight in the first place...

Pete:

Seriously! Don't worry!

He heard the sound of the buzzer for the front door. Part of him was willing to pretend that he didn't hear it at all, but the voice that followed made him force himself out of bed.

"Pete? You still there? You said you were going out today, right? ... Shit, I probably missed him-"

The walk to the buzzer felt way longer than usual, what with the hallway spinning every time he tried to take a step. When he finally got there, he leaned against the wall, supporting himself as he reached for the intercom button. "What's up, Ted?" Before he spoke, he hadn't realised how strained his voice would sound, but he didn't know what else he was expecting.

"Jesus, kid, what happened to you?"

"I dunno what you're talking about."

"You sound dead."

"Yeah, real nice... Anyway, what d'you want?"

"Left my wallet. Are you gonna let me in, or..?"

Pete sighed and buzzed him in. He hadn't taken his keys on purpose because he'd known that Pete was going to be in after he left and before he came back, so in his head, he didn't need them.

While he was up and active, Pete decided that now was as good a time as any to grab a snack, fix himself a drink, and do everything he was supposed to have done hours ago. He ambled into the kitchen, cursing himself for waking up at ten thirty, because now he was behind in the day, and he was lagged as hell.

Ted strolled in through the door as he was raiding the fridge. His wallet was on the countertop, and as soon as he figured that out, he also managed to grasp the situation at hand. Pete barely looked awake, and he was still in his pyjamas, which was unusual for him at this time of the day.

That, paired with the way he'd sounded when he answered the door led to a little concern. Ted's brow creased, and he looked his brother up and down. "Uh... You sure you're okay over there?" He looked well and truly washed out, paler than he'd looked since... A few years back, when he'd made the stupid decision to walk to Ted's apartment from their parents' in the freezing cold, and had been caught in a freak blizzard on the way.

Hadn't it snowed yesterday as well?

Pete frowned, his mind not able to run fast enough to come up with an excuse on the fly. And he could make a fair assumption of how bad he looked based on how he felt, so he pretty much knew that Ted had already drew his own conclusions as to what was going on. He wasn't stupid.

So, Pete sighed, drawing his gaze to a more comfortable position that didn't hurt to uphold. "I'm fine, it's just- we were caught in the snow yesterday, and the three of us had this snowball fight, and... Well, I think I got this fever from it. But it's fine, really, I-"

Ted's face softened, and he pressed his lips into a fine line. "Did you at least win the fight?"

"Huh?"

"Did you win that snowball fight?"

Caught completely off guard, Pete laughed softly. "Uh, yeah, I think I did."

"Who against?"

"Ruth and Richie?"

Ted shook his head slowly. "It wasn't worth it. You look like shit." Still, all thoughts of his wallet discarded, he took a step closer and laid a hand on Pete's shoulder. "How about I pick up lunch?"

"What about the office?"

"Fuck the office, man. They don't need me. Besides, d'you just expect me to let you look after yourself all day?"

#ted spankoffski #peter spankoffski #starkid #hatchetfield #void offering #nova's tags → #your honour. ted cares enough #and it's better than pretending to be busy at work ammirite? #pretending to be busy while worrying about his brother is a little bit of an improvement #also first ficlet to go under the cut oooo #i think thats partly down to how i did the texts... but still! i may have gotten carried away

[reallyromealone]

reader whose love language is buying EVERYONE gifts with kanto manji (because thats mine and im going broke because of it)

Hihi!

Gift giving is one of my love languages too! Have you considered an even more addicting way of giving gifts? Making them.

I literally learned hobbies to make my friends gifts lol.

Also this takes place like 2010 where streaming was just becoming like something you could profit from.

Something the Kanto Manji gang didn't know about (name) was that he had a lot of money.

Like a lot.

And not from his family or anything.

No no.

(Name) made his money through streaming on YouTube, doing a concoction of things online for his own amusement and just happening to Garner a unfathomable following.

With a large following came money and gave (name) the resources to spoil his wonderful friends!

Though he wasn't apart of the Kanto manji gang, it didn't mean he wasn't hanging out with them most of the week and the men supported and encouraged him to follow his ambition's of streaming and just thought of it as a fun hobby.

They didn't know he actually made money off it until they wondered how (name) always had so much money and got worried he was possibly selling himself or stuff in that realm.

They were in awe when be explained it.

(Name) loved buying his friends gifts, from clothes to little trinkets and food and the men learned that it was pointless to try and stop their little darling as let's me honest who wouldn't want to have a cute boy buy them stuff?

Anyone looking from the outside could see the Kanto manji gang was hopelessly in love with (name) but the cowards would rather die than say anything.

"Mikey i got you some new sandals since your other ones are starting to look a little worn!" (Name) said sweetly as Mikey changed out his worn out sandals for the new pair (name) got him, a nice pair of Gucci slides.

"These are nice...thanks" Mikey said softly as he gently hugged the others waist from his sitting position, enjoying the feeling of (name) gently raking his fingers through his hair.

The Kanto manji men were regularly spoiled but don't get it twisted, this wasn't one sided.

Oh no.

These men were 1000x worse.

The men constantly wore (name)s gifts if possible, Sanzu even wore the cute scrunchy (name) got him and no fool would dare make fun of it lest they dare face the business end of a Katana.

(Name) was beaming as he saw the cute keychains he got them attached to their motorcycle keys, cute animals that reminded him of each member.

The men's closets were practically filled thanks to sweet (name) who even managed to get Mikey to wear more than those black shirts under his Kanto jacket!

They all loved (name) and loved how he showed his love because he accepted how they show theirs!

By giving him sweet gifts back and removing those who hurt him off the census.

#tokyo revengers x male reader #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers fluff #kanto manji gang x reader

[sailormoonandme]

Some of my Sailor Moon headcanons for your considerations:

Manga:

Before Beryl found them again, the reincarnated Shitennou were on occasion bumping into and being drawn in by Mamoru much the same way the Inners were with Usagi.

Kunzite worked as a security guard at one point, a job obviously not dissimilar to his role as body guard in the Silver Millennium. During one night shift he had an encounter with Tuxedo Mask.

Before Usagi became Sailor Moon, Sailor V and Tuxedo Mask also had an encounter similar to the one from the opening scene of PGSM. PGSM had input from Takeuchi and was originally intended to be a more faithful manga adaptation than the 1992 anime, so this is good enough for me to say it is essentially 'author approved'

The Thyron Crystal that Pharaoh 90 possesses was to the Tau Nebula what the Silver Crystal was to the Solar System. Basically, had Metalia's plans succeeded the Solar System would have wound up much the same as the Tau Nebula

Since Pharaoh 90 never knew about the Silver Crystal (whilst the other Chaos extensions did) and required Mistress 9 to act as a host body for him Pharaoh 90 was probably the first and most primitive of Chaos' creations

Nehalennia's 'curse' that Serenity would die was less her invoking an actual magic spell and more her sort of being cryptic about how Metalia was already lying in wait within the Sun

Princess Serenity/Usagi is an 'extension' of Queen Serenity, in much the same way Metalia, Nehalennia, etc are extensions of Chaos

The Amazon Stones that the Sailor Quartet wield are basically just their Star Seeds

It was Queen Serenity who implanted the Quartet's stones on Earth, concerned that if Serenity got pregnant, her future grandchild would need protectors

'Sailor Galaxia' is not an actual Senshi title. That was just a moniker the villain we know (and fear) adopted for herself as an act of aggrandisement. She should actually be Sailor

Anime

The Amazoness Quartet existed during the Silver Millennium and were originally the children of circus families

Usagi never turned back time when she restored Nehalennia to her childhood. She literally de-aged her just as she did with Hotaru and reconstituted the atoms of her entire Kingdom and people, resurrecting them completely

The Dark Kingdom was in fact a subterranean kingdom on Earth during the Silver Millennium. Its members were not human, but rather minerals made flesh through Metalia's evil energy, shaped by the collective dreams and nightmares of humanity

By extension 'Metalia' is in fact a mutilated pronunciation of 'mother' by the Youma.

Some Youma survived the fall of the Dark Kingdom at the end of season 1 and would go on to be the ancestors of the Black Moon Clan

Jadeite didn't die when the Dark Kingdom fell. In reality he lived on and eventually became Wiseman

When Neo-Queen Serenity salvaged the Earth from the great cataclysm that befell it, she invoked similar magic to the kind she used at the end of Season 1 and that Queen Serenity used in the Silver Millennium. As a result, she and her friends do not have 100% clear memories of their lives in the 20th century accounting for why they were blindsided by the Black Moon Clan's invasion

Following Nehalennia's second defeat, Setsuna moved in with Hotaru and Professor Tomoe

Because Galaxia's Star Seed was drawn to Usagi, it instinctively adopted a physical form that resembled both her and Chibi-Usa, accounting for why Usagi and the gang noticed similaried between ChibiChibi and Usagi/Chibi-Usa

In Crystal Tokyo, the gang have so thoroughly mastered their Senshi abilities that they can transform into any level that they desire, standard Senshi, Super Senshi, Eternal Senshi, etc. This is why in Season 2 we see them in their normal Senshi outfits despite them having unlocked their Super forms in the series.

#sailor moon #bishoujo sailor moon crystal #bishojo senshi sailor moon #my essays #pretty guardian sailor moon crystal #pretty gardian sailor moon #sailor moon manga #sailor moon anime

[harpywritesfic]

Two unfinished fics I have lying around... lmk if you like one, and I’ll try to get around to it! I’ve got about 30k of ironstrange in my main fic doc, and I’ve only posted 3k ;-;

1. Stephen twists his ankle. Badly. He is, of course, walking on it. Tony harasses him until he admits he shouldn’t be putting weight on it. 

“Sit still!” Tony pinned Stephen down on the couch.

“I’m fine!” 

“Oh really? What if I were to call your doctor friend right now?” Tony threatened. 

Stephen froze. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me.”

Stephen paused for half a second before he stole Tony’s phone from his pocket and dropped it through a portal. Tony put on his glasses. 

“Fri, call Christine.”

“No!” Stephen grabbed at Tony’s face, but he ducked out of the way and danced a few steps back. Stephen tried to follow, but fell back the second he stood. “Tony no-“

“Tony yes. Hey, are you busy? Your favorite patient is dying to see you. Not literally, don’t worry.”

“Christine I’m fine, he’s lying!” Stephen shouted. 

“For the love of god- do I need to bring blood?” Her exasperated voice replied. 

“No, as far as I can tell he’s not bleeding.”

“Because I’m not injured!” 

“Can you get him to make a portal for me? I’m at home.”

“Stephen, will you make a portal for Christine?”

“To the Yrfelln dimension? Sure.” His sarcasm was sharp enough it would’ve physically pained a lesser man. “No, I’m not helping you two gang up on me. I’d rather die.”

“He says no. He’s trying to convince me that being unable to walk two steps is normal.”

“Tony if you don’t stop right now-“

“Can you just come over? 177A Bleecker street.”

“Of course. Who knows what he’s done this time.”

2. You guys have no idea how much I’ve written about magic-exhausted Stephen.

Stephen wanted nothing more than to sleep. For at least a week. Preferably in his own bed at the sanctum, but the ground right here was quite appealing. More appealing than making a portal. 

His cloak stubbornly held him upright where he kneeled in the dirt. The last traces of his spell faded away, leaving only the lingering stench of the beast and the dimension he’d trapped it in. 

Stephen knew he’d pushed himself into dangerous territory, knew but couldn’t summon the energy to care. Beyond the exhaustion, he was terribly cold, no longer able to maintain his own body temperature. His stomach cramped as if he hadn’t eaten in days. This was why the spell was meant to be performed by several sorcerers in a group effort. 

Nearly every task Stephen took on was completed alone. Most other sorcerers were deadweight, less competent and less efficient. Stephen found he could get more done on his own and regularly paid the price. 

The cloak smacked him when his shallow breaths paused. It wound itself around his arm and guided his shaking fingers into the sling ring attached to one of his belts. 

What did it want from him? He just wanted to sleep. It insisted he make a portal, even supporting his hand in the air. Apparently it was smarter than him, as he’d forgotten that he would need help to recover from magical exhaustion this severe. 

He should go to Wong. He knew spells to help, and had used them for Stephen many times. But Stephen realized he didn’t want to ask Wong. He could hardly even picture the library where his friend would be. His mind was occupied with the image of Tony’s bedroom at the compound. 

So be it. Anywhere would satisfy the cloak. 

He opened an unstable portal from where he sat, but made no move to get up. Exasperated, the cloak scooped him up, carried him through the portal, and deposited him on the floor. Rude. It opened the door on its own, thanks to Tony switching many of the door handles from knobs to levers.

Before he knew it, Tony was shaking him. “Stephen! Stephen!”

“What…” he groaned. 

“Oh thank god. Are you hurt, or is this just exhaustion?”

“Tired.”

“Then let’s get you into bed.” Tony lifted him easily, and had Stephen been more aware, he would have recognized the sadness at his lack of weight. As it was, he was blissfully ignorant as his lover climbed under the covers to hold him.

#ironstrange #ironstrange fic #drabble #wip #harpy's wips

[theweirdestroller]

Headcanons Pt 2 - Star Sanses

Part two of this headcanon saga! If anyone here knows me from my time on Wattpad, a lot of this may be new to you. I actually used to favor this trio before I looked deeper into Ink and Dream. I would like to say my opinions on the Apple Incident now look less like "wtf Dream, why weren't you a better brother???" and more like "wtf village, those are six-year-olds. Leave them alone." To be fair, I typically write the incident with the twins nearing their teens. So, y'know. But canonically, they're both like, six. Anyway! Stars, you're up! It's your turn on the headcanon chopping block! (they're all sympathetic btw)

Ink:

Really good at drawing but can't write a simple story to save his life

Actually pretty good at sewing. He can not only repair clothing, but make his own

Uses he/they pronouns but doesn't really understand gender. Blue has tried to explain it, but Ink just can't grasp the concept. Or forgets. It might actually be that he keeps forgetting

Despite being horrible at reading others' emotions, he's very good at making and keeping friends. It could be the general joy and carefree attitude he has, but people just really like him

So, with the paints, Ink is supposed to have a bit of each. And most of the time he does. But much like some people ignore certain feelings to cope, Ink will refuse to drink blue or red on certain days because he doesn't want to put up with those feelings if something happens to make them flare up

Has a severe case of leukophobia. He likes painting on his and his friends' bones because of this, but does not explain why

As much as he loves animals, he's scared to have a pet because he thinks he'll forget to take care of it

Despite all his fear of having a pet, he has raised multiple generations of butterflies! And has a pollinator garden

Dream:

Much like Nightmare, Dream forgave Nim for everything. Much like the Gang, Ink and Blue don't agree

Doesn't know how the modern world works. Nightmare remained awake for the 500 years Dream was in stone and it shows. Dream doesn't understand modern tech, modern clothes, or modern slang. Barely understands what a laptop is much less how it works. Never seen a hoodie before, but now he must have ten. "And what, Ink, in the multiverse is a yeet?!" Nightmare likes teasing him for it. Nightmare watched technology and style and weird slang grow. He has a smartphone and regularly shows other people all the pictures of stupid things the Gang did

Can't stand the taste or smell of apples. Which is weird, because Nightmare can, but the Gang thinks he can't

Can't talk to people. If he gets past his nerves, he's really charismatic, but he'd rather die than approach someone first. This was not an issue when he was little, or even newly freed

Likes climbing things, mainly mountains and other tall landforms, but he'll join Cross in scaling random buildings or people sometimes

His magic feels like someone injected cotton candy into your soul. It's sweet and fluffy, sugary, but you know too much is bad for you

Blue:

Okie dokie! The one normal one. He is the best cook out of the Stars. Just really good at following recipes

Has a pet, it's just Toby. Toby likes stealing Blue's attacks.

He has 20 HP, and it took so much training just to get there. He's also pretty good at dodging, but compared to other Sanses, he's not particularly skilled

Feels like he doesn't belong in the Stars. He'll walk into an AU next to literal gods and everyone's cheering. For all three of them. Doesn't really know what to do about these feelings

So, Blue's best friends are some of the strongest Sanses alive. And he regularly has to battle with their stupidity. This makes him incredibly intolerant to stupid/arrogant/idiotic people. He will call people out on rude behavior, bullying, or other such things. A lot of people love him for this. A lot of people, who I shall refer to as Karens, hate him for this.

I need to stress, Blue isn't mean to people, but you can't be a prick around him. He just won't put up with it, whether it affected him directly, or it just occurred near him

Despite being the only Sans out of the Gang and Stars that was younger than his Papyrus, he probably acts more like a fun yet responsible big brother than anyone else

And there are the Stars! I realized I never spat my stupid Hogwarts Sorting list and reasonings behind it, and I must do that next. Because Blue is a Gryffindor. And he's the only one of these three. So I'll do my sorting next, before moving on to other Sanses.

#star sanses #dream #ink #blue #headcanon

[pancake-breakfast]

Alright, time to finish Volume 1 and Week 1 of Trigun Book Club! Let's goooooooo!

Stream-of-consciousness thoughts for Trigun Vol. 1, Chapters 11-12 below.

Chapter 11: Son

Nightow killing it with these title page illustrations. I just want to colorize them all with my vast quantities of free time between this and the other book club I'm in and putting together a cosplay for early next month and literally the busiest part of the year at work. Maybe I'll get a chance in July. Heh. July....

I love how, despite traveling around with the Humanoid Typhoon himself, Meryl and Milly are hardly useless. They're both sharp and tough, which is probably part of why Vash hasn't made good and sure they can't follow him. The other part is probably because he's lonely.

I feel like Milly would get along incredibly well with Sasha from Attack on Titan, what with how much these two girls think about food.

The contrast between Milly's big-ass gatling stun gun and Meryl's tiny-ass derringer is too much. I love it.

This guy is so emo-looking.

Who names their poor child Badwick?! No wonder they had a falling out.

Yyyyeeeaaaahhhh, one REALLY should ask why someone would point a gun at their own parents. Like, there are legitimate reasons to do so, but it's a situation that should be the exception rather than the rule.

Milly does NOT take apparently casual disrespect of one's parents kindly, I see.

The part of me that loves biology is pleased that Nightow kept in mind that, when you have a considerable size difference between a mated pair, you want the female to be the larger of the two so she doesn't die giving birth to Gosef I mean in childbirth.

I don't trust this weirdo and his weird moustache.

Ah, I was right not to trust him. Creep. Creepy moustache creep. (I don't have anything against fancy moustaches in general. His is just very creepy on him specifically.)

This old couple is right to defend their land. And Badwick is right to be concerned for his parents' lives.

Oof, someone done overstepped their bounds there. And he knows it.

WTF is this mole person???

Oh, creepy moustache understands the value of trees, after all. Pity he probably just wants them as a freaking status symbol.

Marilyn Nebraska, dressing like Madonna and breaking the fourth wall....

I know I said that Milly and Meryl are pretty competent, but I think this whole gang plus the Nebraskas and Friends might be a bit more than they can handle on their own....

Aww, the old couple is concerned about their son's life, too.

And Vash is sneaking into the scene, sewer gremlin style.

Chapter 12: River of Life

Gah! The world is sideways!

Ok, I know I said I wanted to see them weave this story of the old couple into Stampede, but I have NO IDEA how they'd manage these pillbug guys. Not to mention it felt (feels?) like a weird cop-out to have MORE Nebraskas when we've already dealt with them once and I don't think they're actually an important group of villains? IDK. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Huh? Why does Meryl think she's as cold-blooded as Creepy Moustache? I mean, thus far she's been very pragmatic, but I don't know that she's cold-blooded.

Yeah! I love all her derringers!

Milly, coming in with the practicality and saving the day. She really is Vash without the trauma, isn't she?

Ohhhh, Meryl has some unresolved Daddy Issues, I see. But... ugh, I want to write a pop-out post, but it would be too personal. (I know this is Tumblr and we all share all sorts of too-personal things with all the strangers here, but... something something boundaries.) For now, let's just say this particular brand of trauma sounds like her dad isn't the type of person who's worth writing home to.

Heh, Meryl patting her face to get herself back in the present moment. Vash would be proud.

Ok, with my own take on Meryl's stuff, the next scenes with Badwick freaking out and the dad apologizing for all he's put Badwick through hits hard. This is a dad who would rather their child be safe than pull a gun, even in righteous anger.

The mom gently popping Badwick on the head with her ladle is just so cute. (Also, would it kill Nightow to make it more clear who's speaking in scenes like this??)

Again, this is it. This is the story. Because we all have our shadow days and the things we do out of desperation that seem right at the time, but in fact cause a world of pain... for us, for others, and for those closest to us. We need forgiveness, regardless of when it comes. It helps us to forgive ourselves.

The way Creepy Moustache phrases his business proposal is so incredibly tone-deaf. He just doesn't get it and maybe he never will.

Ahahahahaha, the old man shooting the check. Good for him.

Current favorite Meryl/Milly Dramatic Pose:

Meryl means business here. Good for her.

These isopod men and their tiny, tiny legs....

LOL, the Nebraska's faces when they miss are just *chef's kiss.*

For some reason I'm guessing Vash is involved in all this....

LOL, yeah, there he is. Living his best life in a barrel.

That shot kinda reminds me of Stampede when he shot Wolfwood's gun to keep him from offing Livio and, in the process, sent Wolfwood's shot straight into the observing Worm.

I love how Milly's leaning into the outcome as hard as she can while Meryl is just trying to figure out if her derringer somehow got an upgrade while she wasn't looking.

LOL, the Nebraskas hit one little setback and they're like, "Woe is us, for we have failed! We must now retreat in shame!"

The old couple is so worried for Badwick, but they also trust him because they love him and all. <3

I have a lot of thoughts on the old man's words to Meryl and I'm going to write down none of them.

Except that Stampede echoes these words by having Roberto give them to Meryl, and I think that's nice.

Aww, they left their most precious thing to their most precious person.

And Meryl writes a letter to her family after all. I wish it luck. I wish her luck.

End of Volume Bonus

LOL, Nightow's avatar being like, "Or as you say in English..." and then getting reprimanded by Kuroneko for saying something that's decidedly not English.

It's a good thing they clarified how the order of all this goes. When I was reading it back in the day, I remember being rather confused as to whether I should start with Maximum or "vanilla" Trigun. Although having these notes at the back of the volume likely wouldn't have helped me much.

"Lazy as a cat." Yeah, they live a good life. Naps, cozy places, and having a personal masseuse who will give them head-scratches practically on demand.

That's it for Volume 1! On to Volume 2 with the next week!

#trigun bookclub #trigun manga

[thefanficmonster]

Power Couple

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing 

Genre: Fluff, Humor

Summary: Sean, Felix, Dave, and Joel welcome Corpse’s girlfriend to a game of Party Animals. It’s her first time playing and she has to deal with a lot more than just the controls and objectives - her boyfriend being a cute, cuddly sweetheart with ulterior motives to his clinginess.

Requested by @susceptible-but-siriusexual. Thank you so much for your request! Hope I captured what you wanted and how you wanted. Feel free to send any other requests you may have XOXO

It’s been one hell of a day. Had to correct twice as many documents as I was originally supposed to at work; found my car with a flat tire in the parking lot as I was about to go home; argued with my boss over the phone while stuck in a traffic jam. It’s been a rough twelve hours, but it has led me here and that’s what I’d rather think about.

By ‘here’ I mean I’m sitting on the couch in Corpse’s recording room, my computer in my lap, my screen displaying the screen to the game Party Animals. The suggestion was Corpse’s. He immediately picked up on my below par mood and wasted no time finding a solution to bright up the remainder of the day, shadowing the shitty portion of it. I am not what you would call a gamer. Sure I’ve played Among Us with Corpse and his friends a few times. Even that I struggle to do because I’m internally fangirling over all the people in the lobby. Yeah, dating a youtuber doesn’t mean you automatically stop gushing over the many content creators on the platform you’ve been watching for quite some time now. Corpse knows how nervous I get so he’s always near me when we play with Sean, Felix and the other. All he has to do is give me that encouraging smile and wink of his and I’m good to go. Side note: massive props to him for going easy on me in Among Us, getting teasingly called ‘simp’ by his friends in the process.

“You’ll love it.“ He promised me over and over again as the game was downloading on my computer.

“I don’t doubt that, Corpse. But I am going in completely blind and I seriously don’t wanna embarrass myself.“ I mumble a quick ‘nor you‘ under my breath, hoping he doesn’t catch it because I’m in for a pep talk if he does. 

To my dismay, he does, “Listen here, you couldn’t embarrass me even if you actively tried to do something outrageous. Most likely scenario, I’d join you in the act.” He ducks in front of the couch so we’re at eye level, his hand coming up to cup my cheek in the sweetest, most comforting gesture ever. “We’ll show em who’s the boss at stealing candy.”

I can’t help but laugh, feeling unable to express just how much this man means to me. Words can’t do the feeling justice.

“Y/N!“

“Y/N!!“

“Corpse Wife has arrived!“

Hearing all the greetings lights a flame in my chest, the warmth spreading all the way to my neck and cheeks. “Hi guys! Missed playing with you!”

“We missed you too!“ Dave, the only one of the gaming gang I’ve actually met in person, replies to me, his words along with all the others’ wrapping around me like a comfort blanket. Despite them knowing I’m a fan of theirs, they’ve always made me feel welcomed, comfortable, nothing less than them.

“You know anything about this game?“ Felix asks me.

I shake my head, almost forgetting he can’t see me, “Corpse told me it’s funny and cute. It sounds like the perfect game for me.” 

“Oh no, this is a game of survival. Survival of the fittest!“ Sean shouts excitedly, a bang following his shout I can only assume was him hitting his desk.

“I’d like to think I’m pretty fit.“ I shrug my shoulders, laughing along with the guys.

“This is the only way to find out if you actually are.“ Joel’s voice comes through my headphones in the form of a tease.

Sean mumbles quietly to himself as he’s deciding how to separate us in two teams. “Guys, a little help here. We all suck at this game, it doesn’t really matter who’s in which team.”

“Actually...“ Felix trails off, “Corpse and Y/N are the ultimate power couple in Among Us. Chances are they will be in this as well. So, the only logical move would be to...“

“I’m taking Y/N, you take Corpse.“ Sean declares. “Joel, Dave, who do you guys wanna be with?“

And the game starts. Sean, Joel and I are the Meowfia while Corpse, Felix and Dave are yet to choose a team name. We throw around snarky, cocky comments at each other, taunting the opposite team as we struggle to take the candy to our respective sides of the map.

“Don’t you dare pull that lever, Dave!“ I launch at Dave, knocking his cute avatar away from the lever, buying Joel and Sean some time to steal back the gummy bear Corpse and Felix took from us.

“Y/N! Joel is out! Help me!“ Sean is freaking out now. I ditch Dave’s unconscious body and run to Sean’s aid. 

As I’m helping him push it towards out area a member from the opposite team latches onto my avatar, weighing me down and hindering me from doing anything.

“Hug!“ Corpse laughs as he has literally turned into a koala, holding onto my avatar.

“Corpse, you know you are actually supposed to hinder Y/N, not hug her. It’s cute though, don’t get me wrong.“ Felix laughs as him and Sean continue to struggle over the gummy bear.

“Nah, his tactic’s great. I can’t do shit.“ I desperately try and shake him off, “Babe, this is unfair. I can’t even be mad at you!“ I whine, staring to panic now that Dave is back to life and Joel is nowhere to be seen.

The round is won by Felix, Dave and Corpse who, if I might add, didn’t let go of me for the rest of the game.

We switch maps, now every man for himself. We’re on the submarine, recreating the Hunger Games with cute fuzzy animals. The thought passes through my mind, causing me to giggle.

“Y/N, you sound exactly like I’d imagine your avatar to sound. You’re so cute.“ Sean’s avatar circles mine a few times as he laughs.

He’s not wrong, my pale blue puppy is indeed cute. Apparently immortal as well.

“How is Y/N still alive?! Holy shit, her and Corpse really are a power couple.“ Dave shrieks when he sees me pick up the freeze gun. “NOOO!“ He shouts, devastated by the fact I shot him, sending him straight to his death.

“Chill, Dave. It’s all cool. Nothing personal.“ I struggle to hide my laughter, “No hard feelings, right?“

“Of course not, love.“ I can tell he grits the sentence through clenched teeth.

“Aw Dave, you are such an ice guy.“ I giggle, now shooting Joel with the gun.

“Someone take that gun from her!“ Sean cries as him and Felix race up the submarine.

Suddenly, the avatar of my boyfriend again wraps itself around mine. I hadn’t seen him in a while, considering Sean knocked him into the ocean earlier in the round. 

“How are you still alive?!“ I try to spin my puppy to get him to let go but he holds on tightly. “Babe, I swear, you are cute and I love you, but this is ridiculous. How and why are you alive?”

“That’s his superpower! He never fucking dies.“ Felix laughs, letting out a yelp when he briefly slips while climbing.

“Immortals!!! Immortals!!!“ Sean breaks out into a song, a song I really like, breaking the restraints I had on my laughter.

“Drop the gun or we’re dying together.“ He says almost seriously. Even though I can only see the back of his head I know he’s grinning.

“A Titanic/Romeo and Juliet mashup? Why not? I can live with dying a double historical death.“ Even though I appear accepting of his offer, I’m still trying to set myself free.

In the end, Sean claims his first win of the game and the rest of us are dead at the bottom of the ocean. Corpse and I did indeed die a Romeo and Juliet/Titanic death, getting everyone in their feels. We make a deal to get together and play again as soon as possible and we all go our separate ways, exiting the Discord call.

*Later that night* 

After a dinner consisting of takeout and two thirds of a shitty romantic comedies, Corpse shifts from next to me, starting to get up from the couch. I am surprised to feel jolted out of a half sleep as the room is now completely silent, the TV being turned off.

“Hey where’re you going?“ I ask groggily, rubbing my sleepy eyes.

“I have some editing to do. Don’t worry, I won’t stay up too late.“ He kisses my forehead before grabbing his phone from the coffee table.

Just as he’s about to walk away, I wrap my arms around his legs. He laughs, catching onto what I’m insinuating. His chuckle brings a smile to my face and butterflies in my belly. No matter how long we date for or how much time we spend together, some things never change. 

“Payback, huh?“ He asks, the smile audible in the question. I keep my eyes shut but nod, my arms still around his legs. “Alright, you koala. You’re coming with me.”

In his recording room, he settles in his chair placing me in his lap in a way that my legs dangling off to the side, my side leaning against his chest, my face hidden in the crook of his neck. We’re both comfortable, content and relaxed.

I don’t know when exactly it happens, but all my mind has registered is a quiet ‘I love you’ and the soft touch of Corpse’s lips on my temple. I manage to reply with an ‘I love you too’ before my sleepiness consumes me, my body completely relaxing against his, the warmth of his body, his scent, the sound of his breathing making me feel safe and loved: the two feelings I want him to feel with the same intensity when I’m in his arms.

Something tells me he does.

@simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @hacker-ghost  @itsminniekat  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17 @chrysanthykios  @annshit @i-cant-choose-a-username-help

#corpse #corpsehusband #corpse husband #husband #corpse fanfiction #corpse fanfic #corpse husband fluff #corpse husband fanfic #corpse husband fanfiction #corpse x reader #x reader #corpse husband x y/n #corpse husband x reader #reader #requests open #request #fluff #love #romance

[theasstour]

𝐅𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 𝟏𝟎.𝟏𝐤 𝐍𝐁: 𝐚𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐨𝐥, 𝐚𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭

Monday, 25 September 2017

It was strange to Y/N that she was enjoying herself as much as she was just then in an educational setting. In school, she had never really liked any of the subjects besides English, and here at uni, she got to sit and listen to professors who were truly experts on English literature ramble on about Othello and specific analysis on act 3 scene 3. She loved every single second of it, and was sure she could sit there for hours on end just listening to her professors. At one point she was sure this would all get tiring and she’d hate University, but in that moment, hearing her professor, Richard, talk about things that truly interested her, was such a breath of fresh air compared to what she had experienced previously.

The door to the lecture hall opened, and since the doors were right by the blackboard where Richard stood talking about Othello and the ‘temptation’ scene, all eyes landed on the blonde girl in pink shorts and a white jumper. She smiled at Richard, mouthing a “sorry” before taking the first free seat she could find, which was conveniently right beside Y/N. The two girls shared a small smile themselves before Y/N went back to focusing on the lecture happening in front of her. Y/N was hunched over her notebook, writing something off from the PowerPoint slide displayed on the wall in front of her. She did not know how much time went by, she was listening too intently to care about that, but suddenly, the blonde beside her rested her back against the seat and leaned a little closer to Y/N.

“This is quite boring, innit?”

Y/N looked to her left, and to her surprise, realised that the girl who had walked in late was Chloe. The same Chloe who she had met when she registered a week and some ago. She must have been too caught up in the lecture to pay proper attention to her surroundings.

Chloe let out a small chuckle, nodding in the direction of the PowerPoint before she continued to whisper. “The lecture. I knew we’d be discussing Shakespeare in Introduction to English Studies, but Othello’s just fucking boring, innit?”

“I…” Y/N looked at the PowerPoint for a few seconds, then back at Chloe. “Sure.”

They were quiet for a few seconds, Chloe just studying Y/N, eyes searching her face. “You like Othello.”

Y/N felt a sudden urge to relate to Chloe. Since they had met earlier and since she hadn’t made tons of friends on her course yet, she wanted Chloe to be her mate. If they got off on the wrong foot today, they might never sit next to each other again.

“It’s not as good as Twelfth Night, not as bad as Julius Caesar.”

Chloe continued to just look at Y/N, but suddenly, a smile came creeping over her lips. “Take it you like Shakespeare.”

“I like analysing his work, yeah.”

“More of a Modernism, and sometimes Postmodernism, girl myself.”

“I’m not big on either of those.”

Chloe let out a small chuckle again. “You won’t be taking Postmodernism next year then?”

“Not if I can help it.”

Chloe only crossed her arms and stared ahead, still smiling. For a second Y/N was afraid she might have said something to make Chloe detest her, but the next, she reminded herself that she had to live her truth regardless of what anyone said about it. “Guess we’ll just have to enjoy each other’s company in the core modules then.”

Y/N felt a few butterflies in her stomach at that and could not help smiling back at Chloe when their eyes met again.

“How come I haven’t seen you at any Freshers parties yet?” Chloe asked.

“Been busy applying to jobs and such,” Y/N explained. “Gotta get one as fast as possible ‘cause I need money to live.”

“Ahh, fair.” Chloe nodded. “One of my course mates, Hayden – think they’re up there somewhere –“ Chloe pointed with her thumb over her shoulder, indicating further up the lecture hall. “Has decided they’re going to start an Uno society.”

“Uno?” Y/N frowned. “As in the card game?”

“Yeah,” Chloe laughed. “I’m sure it’ll be nice and all, but they’re very passionate about it. Have yet to come out with me, Thian, and Annalise. Those are my other course mates, by the way.”

Y/N nodded. Was she just incompetent at making friends or was Chloe just very good at it? How had she made so many friends, made a small group by the sounds of it, and Y/N had barely talked to anyone on her course yet?

“Hayden promised to come out this Friday, though,” Chloe smiled. “You should come, too.”

For some reason, both nerves and excitement rushed through Y/N at that. She smiled back. “I’d love that.”

“Wicked. It’s at my Dinwiddy flat.” Chloe rolled her eyes. “Uni accommodation at Helmond is a huge piss take, I tell you. I feel like there’s mould everywhere.”

“That’s just UK houses in general. We’ll all die from it one day.”

“It’s literally disgusting,” Chloe said. “Also, one of my flatmates never does his dishes. It’s minging. And it’s started smelling, too.”

“Oh, my days.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m glad I just immediately moved in with my best mate instead of going through the whole uni accommodation thing. At least I can be assured that they do their dishes and no food’s left on the kitchen counter for too long.”

“Oh, that sounds lush.”

The people around Y/N and Chloe were all starting to pack their things and get out of their seats. Seeing as the two of them were sat by the edge of the row, they had to get up rather fast and let people through. So, that’s what they did. Y/N put her notebook and pencil case in her rucksack and slung it onto her back before she and Chloe made their way out of the lecture hall and out into the hallway beyond.

“There they are,” Chloe grinned, waving as she saw a small group of three standing by the wall a bit further down. “Come say hi.” Though Chloe wasn’t looking at her, Y/N assumed she was talking to her, so she followed her over to the rest. “Gang, this is Y/N, the one I met while we were both registering.”

“Ah, you’ll be Y/N, then,” a man with protruding cheekbones, a strong jawline, and deep set, brown eyes said. The Viet man’s smile lit up the room they were standing in, and it made Y/N’s overthinking ebb. “I’m Thian, pleasure to meet you. Chloe told us she met you, but never saw you since.”

“Proper rude of the universe to keep us away from each other for so long,” Chloe said.

“I’m Hayden,” a smaller person said with the greenest eyes and long brown hair. They too had a smile like Thian’s, but this one displayed crooked teeth, which made Y/N more at ease with her own bottom teeth that were the same.

“And I’m Annalise,” the last one said, her hair dyed an unnatural dark red colour that Y/N absolutely loved. “I think I saw you in a Critical Reading seminar.”

“Oh, yeah, I think we might be.”

“We’ll have to sit next to each other next time!”

Y/N could detect a slight accent, but she could not tell where Annalise was originally from. She suspected Germany, there were tons of international students here after all, but Y/N did not want to assume.

“Guys, we have to plan the first Uno society meeting,” Hayden said, looking at the time on their phone. “It was so nice to meet you, Y/N, but we’re in a bit of a hurry.”

She just smiled. “No, totes get that. I need to get back to my flat, anyway.”

“See you around, then,” Chloe smiled, waving as the four of them walked off.

Y/N walked home to Orsman Road. Though she knew there would be less walking if they took the tube, it would also mean that she had to walk on and off boiling hot tube trains and stations, and she was not about to do that. She was sweating enough in the late September sun as it was, she did not need the tube to contribute to her sweat moustache as well. Instead, she plugged her earbuds in and listened to her most recent playlist on Spotify, humming along to her favourite tunes as she walked.

She stopped by Gregg’s by Dalston Kingsland station, buying herself a sausage roll and an iced latte before walking the rest of the stretch home. Hackney bustled around her, with tons of cars, double deckers, and mopeds driving by, as well as all types of people milling to and from work. The early autumn sun was still a little too hot, but it seemed like most Londoners were soaking up the sun while they could. They were walking by in shorts, tee shirts, and summer dresses, while the only reason why Y/N was dressed in her tee shirt and trousers, was so she would not quite literally go up in flames on the way home.

Y/N arrived at Orsman Road not long after her trip to Gregg’s, and walked up to the flat. She locked the door once she was indoors, checking the kitchen and the living room to see if anyone was there. To no one’s surprise, none of her three other student flatmates were home in the middle of the day on a Monday. She walked up the stairs and to her room, letting her door be open so she could air out a bit more. Her windows had been open all day, so her room smelled fresher than normal as she entered. That just reminded her that she had to buy some scented candles or air fresheners to liven up her room.

Putting her rucksack down by her door, Y/N started looking through the two bags that she had yet to pack out from. In one was most of the stuff she’d put on her desk when she finally bought that, and in the other were loads of decorations that she had yet to bring forth. She started pulling out fairylights that she wanted to hang across her room or over her wall, when she heard footsteps. Out of the door directly to the right once you came up the stairs, came a man with short dark hair and a strong build, thin lips and pale skin. He must have heard movements outside his door, because his eyes landed on Y/N almost right away. However, he smiled at her and Y/N immediately knew who this was.

“You’re Y/N, then,” Mason said, walking over to stand in the doorway of her room. “Mason, your third flatmate.”

“Thought I’d never run into you,” Y/N smiled, making his smile grow.

“Yeah, got here like two days ago, and have been all over the place since. Helped some of my mates move into their flats, been at work, and at rugby practice.”

She nodded. “Busy man.”

“Very busy.”

“Lucky I caught you now, then.”

Mason nodded his head. “Would have eventually. Knowing Nath, he’ll probably end up forcing us all to bond as a flat at one point.”

“Sounds horrific.”

“It was. It will be,” Mason laughed, leaning against the doorframe and pushing his hands into his grey joggers.

Y/N furrowed her brows. “It was? He’s done it before?”

“Yeah, our first year. He made everyone in our flat bond, he especially talked about flat yoga sessions and shopping trips when he was drunk or high as a kite.”

She dropped the fairylights and turned her full attention on Mason. “You lived together your first year?”

Mason just looked at Y/N, blinking a few times. “Yeah.”

“All three of you?”

“All three of us. Me, Nathan, Harry, and like five girls.”

Y/N felt like screaming, but lucky for her dignity and Mason’s ears, the front door opened and closed. Nathan’s singing could be heard all the way upstairs. Instead of screaming, Y/N called Nathan’s name, not caring that Mason saw just how annoyed she was now. Poor bloke had no idea what he’d just said. Nathan strolled up the stairs and looked in Y/N’s room’s direction, his face lit up at the sight of Mason and Y/N together.

“What a view!” he grinned. “What’re you two bonding over?”

“Right now we’re bonding over being your friend,” Y/N said.

“Which I’m sure you’re both honoured to be, yes.”

“And I just heard you’ve lived with Mason and Harry for the last year, but have not told me,” Y/N said, ignoring Nathan’s previous comment.

Nathan looked to Mason, and then back at Y/N. “No, Harry moved in later. He lived in another flat first, hated it, and since him and Mason were good mates, he got to move into our place since one of our flatmates dropped out our first week.”

Not caring that she would smudge her makeup, Y/N ran her hands over her face. “How long did he live there, Nate?”

Silence for a second or two. “Start of second semester till we moved out.”

Y/N let go of a heavy sigh. “Nathan, why didn’t you just tell me?-“

“-I know, I know, I know,” Nathan started, walking into Y/N’s room and sitting down on the floor beside her. “I’m a shite friend.”

“You really fucking are,” Y/N said, swatting Nathan’s hand away when he tried to take hers. “Harry was both of our friend when he lived in Notts those months, and I literally had sex with him.”

Mason took a small step back in pure shock, blinking rapidly as if an eyelash fell onto his eye.

“Don’t I have a right to know you’re living with him?” Y/N asked.

“You do. Of course, you do. I just… I thought I told you at one point, and when I got home and I found out I hadn’t told you… I didn’t know how to break the news.”

“How about just telling me?” Y/N shrugged her shoulders. “Instead of hiding it from me like that.”

“Technically, I didn’t hide anything ‘cause I thought I-“

“-Nathan, I’ll literally skin you alive-“

“-Fine, I should have told you,” he groaned, taking her hand this time and holding it tight in his. “How can I make it up to you?”

Y/N thought for a moment, but came up with the perfect solution. “By coming with me when I go out with my course mates on Friday?”

Nathan just looked at her, blinking once. “My punishment is to… go out with you and your mates?”

“Yes. I barely know them, I need moral support. No matter how bad the person giving me said support actually is.”

Nathan looked down at their hands, patting hers slightly. “I’ll come.”

“Thanks.”

He continued to look down at their hands as Mason’s quiet footsteps back to his room sounded throughout the first floor. “I do have a lecture that finishes at 7pm-“

“-You’ll skip that lecture if you so have to.-”

“-Yes, ma’am,” Nathan answered without hesitation, kissing her hand and getting up from the floor. He gave her a small smile. “And I’m sorry. I know I should’ve told you.”

Y/N nodded. “Is there… Is there more you haven’t told me? In regards to Harry?”

Nathan pretended to think for a few seconds, eyes getting big as if he remembered something.

“Nath?”

He chuckled. “No, nothing.”

Y/N hit him on his calf before he walked away. “You’re bloody buying the first round of drinks on Friday.”

“As I should,” was all Nathan said before he danced off to his room. Y/N picked up her fairylights again, trying to get them out of the messy tangle they were currently in so she could finally make this room look like her and her new home.

Friday, 29 September 2017

Y/N was nervous. She was usually nervous before going someplace she had never been before, or to meet people she had never met, but it was never like this. Her nerves were almost always drowned by her natural eagerness to be around people, to be surrounded by friends and strangers. However, this, her first pre-drinks at uni with other people, had her feeling a little too nervous for her own tastes.

She loved parties. Fuck, if she could party every single day, she would. She did not care about the hangover that came the following day, as long as she had a good time the night before. At home in Nottingham, she would have loved to party as much as she had in London, but for some reason, meeting as many new people as she had, made her nervous for some reason. It was weird to Y/N because she loved making friends, but it was different here. She had yet to figure out what about University that triggered this reaction out of her.

A knock sounded at her door and she grunted, which Nathan took as a good enough sign for him to be allowed entrance. He grinned, sitting down on Y/N’s fluffy dark blue duvet cover and looked his best friend up and down.

“Lush,” he said.

Y/N glanced at the mirror in front of her again, running her hands down her sides. Her black ruched detail ribbed crop top fit her perfectly, making her tits look exceptionally good, and the gold necklace and earrings topped it all off. The crop jeans in light wash blue were tightened at the waist by a black belt with silver eyelets, the black lace up boots made her almost as tall as Nathan. Though Y/N had been out on town in Nottingham with this very same outfit, she was unsure about it now. There was a familiar fear in the back of her head; one that had not visited in a while, one that would lay low until it saw fit to paralyse her. Y/N was experiencing only the tip of the iceberg now. The rest would reveal itself later, it would all melt and drown her in nervous ticks and anxious tendencies.

God, she hated how nervous she was. This was not like her at all. Nathan knew this, which was why he picked up on how unusually quiet his best friend was. He got up from where he was seated on the bed, walking over to Y/N and placing his hands on her shoulders.

“What’s up?”

She took a deep breath, looking at him in the mirror. “You remember the party at Jack Lloyd’s?”

“When we were 17?”

“Yeah, and I was nervous to wear that tight-fitting dress? ‘Cause of my stomach?”

“Yes, even though you had no reason to be nervous.”

She sighed. “Well, I’m feeling like that now,” she admitted. “Not as intensely, but it’s there and… I haven’t felt this nervous about being seen in a long time.”

“What do you mean ‘being seen’?”

“When… When you’ve had and still have a hard time accepting yourself, it’s hard to let others look at your body ‘cause you don’t want to exist outside your own head, if that makes sense? Being seen means people will have an opinion, it means they’ll piece together this image of you before even getting to know you. It means them judging you on your looks alone before they get to actually know you.” Y/N shrugged her shoulders a little, Nathan squeezing them ever so slightly. “My confidence is much better now, but I still have those moments every so often when that 17-year-old girl I used to be will come back and whisper something discouraging into my ear.”

Nathan nodded, wrapping his arms around her neck and bringing her to him. She melted into her best friend, taking a grip of his forearms. “I know it’s much easier said than done, but focus on now. You’ve come so far, and though that 17-year-old is part of the reason why you are who you are today, she’s got nothing to do here. 19-year-old Y/N has come so far, she has no time revisiting the past ‘cause she’s going to a party tonight, and it’ll be fucking fantastic, yeah?”

Y/N chuckled, closing her eyes as Nathan planted an encouraging kiss to her cheek. “Guess you’re right.”

“Of course I fucking am.”

She laughed.

“Now, get your vodka, tequila, sourz, or whatever the fuck you’re drinking, and let’s go.” Nathan let go of her and walked to the door, opening it. “You got Chloe’s address?”

“Yeah, it’s Dinwiddy, flat 10.”

“Uni accommodation?”

Y/N huffed, reaching for her purse and putting it over her shoulder. “Did you expect my first-year mates to live anywhere else?”

“Not really. Dunno why I’m shocked.”

Y/N searched through her purse, checking she had everything she needed before reaching for her plastic bag where her drinks were.

“Still remember when I lived in Coopers Court with Harry and Mason. Oh, how time flies.”

Y/N stopped short, narrowing her eyes. “I still cannot believe you didn’t tell me anything about you living in the same flat as Harry your first year at uni.”

Nathan sighed.

“Cannot believe you didn’t tell me he went to Helmond. Cannot believe you wanted us to live together without at least informing me-“

“-Mate, are we done with this?”

“Don’t think I’ll ever be done. You tricked me into this.”

“I did not.”

“What did you think was gonna happen when I found out?”

“We’ve been over this,” Nathan said. “I didn’t think it’d be that big of a deal. Harry did not react like this when I told him I promised to live with you my second year, your first year.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, having already heard this.

“In fact, he did not mind one bit living with you.”

“I mind living with him.”

“Clearly, or else we wouldn’t still be having this conversation.”

Y/N tutted, walking past Nathan and down the stairs. “I’ll let this argument be for the time being, but expect me to pick it back up again tomorrow when my mind’s not all over the place. I want to be able to fucking destroy you.”

“Great. Can’t wait.”

Y/N and Nathan started walking in the direction of Dinwiddy, the biggest uni accommodation at Helmond, where most students ended up staying. Parmiter Street was a mere 30-minute walk away, and though they could have easily taken the tube, they both knew that it would be best for them to get some fresh air before drinking. Y/N also wanted to walk off some of her anxiety, though she was fairly certain that would not happen. On one hand she was looking forward to meeting Chloe and the rest of her English Lit gang, on the other, she was nervous. Her nerves came more from fear of experiencing the same blinding anxiety she had when she was younger, for that same feeling of helplessness and bottomlessness that it had brought her. What if it appeared when she was drinking? What if it got worse as she got drunk?

She hated how moving away to London and to University had brought her so much doubt. It was like she had to figure out who she was all over again. Here, it was only Nathan who knew her. Well… him and Harry, but the latter did not count. If Y/N so wanted, she could become a new version of herself. She knew that was something uni offered; finding a new you and shaping it into a person you want to be. There were several things Y/N wished she could change about herself. She had a horrible temper, was a little too loud at times, took many things far too personal, and more. She was unsure how much independence and a new environment could help make her a better version of herself, but she hoped Helmond and London could help her to some degree.

Once they arrived at Parmiter Street, Nathan walked straight onto Dinwiddy campus grounds and showed them the way to flat 10. The brown brick buildings rose five storeys high around them, shaping a small T formation with some benches along the stone path where people could sit on the few occasions when the weather would allow it. Nathan had been there the year before, loads of his friends from his Criminology course had lived at Dinwiddy accommodation and therefore hosted pre-drinks there. Nathan knew his way around, and, sure enough, he showed them right to flat 10. On the right hand-side, the first building, Nathan strolled over to the entrance.

He met Y/N’s eyes, trying to get a picture of just how nervous she was. After all, these were her friends, and had they been home in Nottingham, she would not have been this nervous at all. Nathan was not anxious at all, and he had never talked to – never met – Chloe or any of Y/N’s course mates.

“Listen,” Nathan said, giving Y/N a small smile. “If it gets too much, we’ll just go home, yeah? I won’t leave your side.”

Y/N smiled back, nodding her head. “Yeah. I’ll send Chloe a text saying we’re here.”

“We could just ring the doorbell.”

She looked at him. “Nath.”

“Y/N.”

“What were phones invented for if we’re just gonna ring people’s doorbells? I’m sending her a text.”

Nathan reached forward and rang the doorbell, making Y/N raise her eyebrows at him and take a deep breath as not to throw him against the brick building.

“Yes?” came from the speakers beside the doorbells. It was Chloe.

Nathan nudged Y/N, nodding in the direction of the speakers. She glared at him. “It’s Y/N.”

“Ahh, brill!” Chloe unlocked the door for them and Nathan opened it, letting Y/N enter first. They walked over to the stairs, looking at a sign there that showed them flat 10 at the topmost storey.

“They don’t even have a bloody lift, do they?” Y/N asked Nathan as she looked around.

“Gotta walk, mate.”

“Fuck me,” Y/N groaned as they began their ascent.

“I’d rather not.”

Despite herself, Y/N laughed a bit. They made it to the fourth floor, and Y/N knocked on the door as Nathan breathed heavily beside her.

“Hi,” Chloe smiled as she opened the door, stepping aside to let Y/N and Nathan in.

“Hiya,” Y/N smiled back, feeling her heart beat hard inside her chest. Something about Chloe’s smile, the reminder that she had invited Y/N over, that she wanted her there, settled atop Y/N’s shoulders, making them sag to a comfortable level. “Brought my housemate, hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all!” Chloe said, turning to Nathan.

“Nathan,” he smiled. “Thanks for letting me come here.”

“Don’t mention it,” Chloe said, closing the door and showing them the way down a corridor towards the shared living space where a heavy bass was throbbing. The fluorescent lights overhead in the hallway resembled those at a petrol station, making Y/N squint as she entered the living room. There sat everyone she had the pleasure of meeting earlier that week. Hayden, Annalise, and Thian were all  around the table with a glass each to drink. Y/N smiled at them, waving her hand as they all grinned back at her. She still felt like she was intruding.

“Y/N, Nathan, do you like sambuca?” Chloe asked, walking over to the kitchen bench to fetch plastic shot glasses.

“Never say no to sambuca, ey?” Nathan grinned, nodding for Y/N to go sit down so he could follow her lead. “We’ll have a shot each of you’re handing out.”

“I am, indeed,” Chloe said, getting two shot glasses and walking over to the table, placing the glasses in front of Nathan who looked absolutely ecstatic.

“Thanks, babe,” Y/N said.

“You lot playing a drinking game?” Nathan asked, getting his drinks out to mix them all together into his paper cup.

“Yeah, we’re playing Never Have I Ever,” Hayden answered. “However, if no one drinks, everyone’s got to take a sip except for the person asking, but the person asking’s gotta take two if no one drinks.”

“Ahh, alright,” Nathan said. “Creative. Love it.”

“This is Y/N’s friend, Nathan, by the way, guys,” Chloe said as she came back over with shots for everyone.

“Oh, yeah, this is Nathan. He’s a second-year, we live in a flat together in Haggerston.” Y/N suddenly felt stupid for not introducing him right away so that Chloe had to. She felt her cheeks heat up, but she refused to look like she felt headless. Instead, she got her vodka and cranberry juice out, mixing it as Nathan spoke beside her.

“We’ve known each other forever, so she moved in with me and my flatmates this year instead of moving into uni accommodation,” he elaborated.

“You knew each other in Nottingham?” Chloe asked, and, for some reason, the fact that Chloe remembered that made Y/N feel all kinds of warm.

“Yeah, been best friends for years.”

“How nice that you got to live together here,” Chloe smiled in Nathan’s direction, then at Y/N.

“It is, isn’t it?” Nathan said, looking at Y/N and giving her a small wink before going back to his drink.

“Right, we need to take advantage of being first-years and get drunk as often as possible,” Thian said. “So, tonight needs to be good.”

“It’ll be good regardless,” Annalise retorted, taking one of the shots from the tray Chloe had brought to the table.

“Where are we going, anyway?” Hayden asked.

Thian nodded. “Pub or club?”

“Don’t really feel like clubbing tonight, you know what I mean?” Chloe asked, the other three coming with exclamations of agreement or nodding slightly. “Pub then?”

“We have a pub right by us,” Nathan said. “Only 30 minutes away and it’s the best one in Haggerston, in my opinion anyway.”

Y/N wrinkled her nose some. “The Stag’s Head?”

“Yeah, it’s always full and they sometimes got live music and everything.”

“We could go there, yeah,” Chloe said. “If everyone’s in.”

“Could we take a bus there?” Hayden asked.

“30 minutes isn’t a long walk, though,” Chloe chuckled. “As long as Nathan and Y/N show the way, we won’t get lost.”

“Don’t count on my navigational skills when I’m under the influence, babes,” Nathan said, making the others laugh.

“We’re better off using Google Maps, he might just show the way to the Gregg’s by Dalston Kingsland where he thinks the entire staff’s got a crush on him,” Y/N said before taking a sip of her drink, laughter erupting again. It felt good, like a pat on the shoulder, and Y/N instantly eased. Maybe she had not lost her old self at all, maybe she could still feel at ease, even around new people.

“They all flirt with me, and who can blame them?” Nathan shrugged his shoulders, whipping his head to the side so his lush, curly red hair dangled at the top of his head, grinning his wide smile and making the lip piercing shine in the fluorescent lights overhead.

The rest of the night went on, and it was easier to talk to everyone as time progressed. Not only because Y/N got more and more intoxicated, but she also just felt better after getting to know them all. Hayden always laughed the loudest, and their laughter was also very infectious, making it hard not to chuckle along with them. Annalise, though she sometimes stuttered over a few English words, was incredibly considerate and would urge Y/N to continue on with her story when others did not hear her. Thian offered Y/N tons of shots and complimented her on her outfit, making it easier for Y/N to feel good and seen, as she had been terrified of back at the flat. Chloe was easily the boss, and did most of the talking, though no one seemed to mind. After all, Chloe had introduced everyone to everyone, so people knew her the best out of everyone.

As time went on, Y/N just felt better. It was easier to talk to everyone and, at one point, she thought she was back at home in Nottingham, introducing herself to strangers at a party. They all made it easy to forget just how nervous she had been. It made her look forward to seeing them in her other lectures and seminars the coming week and all those weeks after that. Maybe these were the people she would spend her time at University with, and that excited her.

Bottles emptied and the volume inside the uni flat had increased massively. It was close to 9 when Chloe suggested they leave, and assured Y/N that she could leave the little she had left of her vodka at her place to pick up another day. Y/N took her up on the offer, insides warm from both alcohol and Chloe’s hospitality.

Nathan showed the way towards Haggerston and The Stag’s Head, arm entwined with Y/N’s for most of the way there. At one point however, Y/N let go of him and ended up walking beside Annalise and Thian, talking about one of the texts they had to read by Tuesday. It was such a mundane conversation, complaining about course work and talking about coming deadlines, that it felt like they had been mates for ages. The chat flowed so easily, the laughter rolled off their tongues, and it just made sense for all of them to be together, walking along the dark London streets in their tipsy states, making their way towards what would hopefully be the first of many trips to a pub.

They arrived at Orsman Road and they could hear The Stag’s Head before they saw it. Y/N had never paid it much attention. She knew she would end up popping by once or twice during her time at uni, but she had not envisioned her checking it out that first week. Nathan held the door open for everyone, resting a hand at Y/N’s back as he followed her indoors last.

The pub was small, but Y/N was sure that it was bigger than it appeared late on a Friday evening. Straight ahead, in a V formation, stood the bar, a wall filled with bottles of all alcohol imaginable behind it, lit up by red light which fit the dark red of the counter surrounding it. Far down to the left, it seemed the rest of the pub disappeared from view, but judging by the stairs Y/N could see, she supposed there was a loo somewhere in that direction, and it also looked to be where one could go to reach the smoking area. People were both sat and stood by the bar as well as booths along the walls. What appeared to be the stage further down to the right was unoccupied by any performers, though a few lads stood there with a pint each. There were no free tables, and this put a damper on the mood quite quickly.

Nathan, however, pulled them all towards the smoking area and they were all pleasantly surprised to see a free table and two benches untouched. Fairylights hung over the outdoor space, from the house and over to the fence on the other side. It lit up just enough, made it possible to see, but not too bright for people to squint when walking out into the night. A few empty pints and a smoky ash tray stood in the middle of the table, but Nathan put the glasses on the brick fence before everyone sat down.

“Alright, I’ll pay for your drink,” Nathan said, smiling at Y/N. “Anyone wanna come to the bar? Y/N’ll watch the table.”

“Ah, yes.” Chloe got up, the rest of the gang following along and walking towards one of the two entrances to the pub. Y/N got her phone out, looking to see if she had any notifications she had to check out, but there were none. She was about to resolve to scrolling aimlessly through Instagram, when she heard a slightly familiar voice.

“Hi there.” Mason sat down on the edge of the opposite bench, a cigarette in hand and a small smile on his lips. “Didn’t know you and Nath would come here tonight.”

“Oh, hiya,” Y/N smiled. “No, we didn’t know where we’d go after pre-drinks. He suggested this place, so we brought some of my course mates with us here.”

“You going out later?”

“No, think we’re just gonna stay here.”

“Yeah, this is a chill place,” Mason said, puffing out some smoke.

“This is my first time here.”

Mason raised his eyebrows. “Is it?”

Y/N smiled. “You think I should’ve come here earlier?”

“More to do with the fact that our flat just loves this place, thought Nathan would’ve at least taken you here already.”

“He did now.”

“It’s my favourite pub around here, and Harry-“

“-Mase!” Nathan exclaimed, grinning as he came over with two gin and tonics. “You’re here as well!”

“Yeah, it’s a Friday night, innit?”

“Hi,” Chloe said, sitting down beside Mason with a wide grin on her face. It seemed like she wanted to introduce herself or to be introduced, but before Y/N could say anything, the conversation resumed.

“Hey,” Mason answered, looking back to Nathan who seemed to be ecstatic to see one of his flatmates. “Hear you haven’t taken Y/N here till now.”

Nathan sighed. “Not like I didn’t want to, just haven’t gotten the opportunity.”

“What’s so good about this place?” Y/N asked, looking from Nathan to Mason.

“Just close, innit? Also, it’s crowded, but it’s not as crowded as most pubs down by Kingsland Road,” Nathan elaborated.

“You lot have a good night, yeah? Need to get back to my mates.” Mason leaned past Chloe, stumping the rest of his cigarette into the ashtray before he got up, walking over to a big group of lads. Chloe stared after him as the rest of the conversation around the table started back up again, Y/N pretended to not see how she was checking him out. It felt like she was intruding on a moment that was not meant for anyone but Mason to see.

“You’re living with him?” Chloe asked.

“Yeah.”

“He’s well fit.”

“Guess.”

Chloe giggled. “You’re taking the rule to not shag one of your flatmates seriously, then?”

“Shouldn’t everyone?” Thian asked, furrowing his brows. “It only complicates everything.”

“How? It’s only a shag. It’s not like you’re gonna fall in love with them,” Chloe said.

“Can’t really control your emotions, though.” Nathan shrugged. “Two of my flatmates last year shagged. He had feelings for her, she just wanted a one night stand. Didn’t end well.”

Y/N put her drink back down on the table after a long sip. “Well, if you’re clear beforehand and make it clear that it’s only for this night and there’s no emotions behind it other than temporary bliss, then that’s okay, isn’t it?”

“Nah,” Hayden said, shaking their head. “It’s an unwritten rule. Don’t shag your flatmates.”

“Is it a serious rule?” Annelise asked, furrowing her brows.

“It’s got serious consequences,” Hayden answered.

“But if you’re both aware it’s only a one time thing, then is it serious?” Y/N asked.

“Babe, sex is complicated. You’re always just gonna be connected in a way, you know?” Nathan said.

“I can promise you I’m not connected to Ollie Lee in any way, shape, or form,” Y/N huffed, sipping her drink again as Nathan laughed, the other joining in because of Y/N’s obvious distaste in this Ollie Lee.

“Was he awful in bed?” Chloe asked, smiling as she looked between Nathan and Y/N.

“No, I was just desperate one night last year.” Y/N rolled her eyes at herself. “Let’s just say that mid-shag he asked me if I had to go to the toilet, and when I said no, he told me that whenever I felt like I had to, just pee on him instead.”

Gasps erupted around the table, and a second later, everyone started howling with laughter. Nathan kept on hitting his thigh, leaning into Y/N and laughing. Though it was a fairly embarrassing story on Y/N’s part, her definite lowest of low, she could not help feeling good about making everyone laugh like this. Looking around at everyone, she suddenly felt very good about herself, despite this being her worst sex story ever.

It was not like Y/N had fucked her way through Nottingham and had tons of stories to tell. In fact, she hadn’t shagged that many. She had had sex with eight people, three of them being women, one non-binary, and the other four men. She had been very vocal about the fact that the best sexual encounters she had had, were with women. They had all been so nice, and though it had never escalated to anything romantic beyond that one night together, they had made Y/N feel the best she’d ever felt. She suspected women just knew what to do, that they cared how she felt and did not solely care about their own release.

The group ended up just sitting around and talking for a while. It was nice to go somewhere outside of the uni setting and get to know some people, this was what uni was all about, or so Nathan had told her countless times. These people were as anxious about making friends and being liked as she was, but there they all were, making friends and going outside their own comfort zone.

At one point, Y/N had finished her drink and went to get another round for her and Nathan. The pub seemed to be even more packed now that it was closer to midnight. Everyone wanted to drink the week away, to forget about their lives for a little while and just spend time in good company. Y/N strolled over to the bar, looking up and down the counter to see if any of the bartenders were free to help her. The second her eyes landed on a familiar figure, she halted.

Harry’s eyes were already on hers as he stood almost right opposite her mixing a drink. He let go of a sigh, looking down at whatever he was mixing.

“You…” she started, raising her eyebrows. “You’ve got to be fucking everywhere.”

“Only ‘cause you’re every single place I usually am,” he said, continuing to make whatever drink he was making.

“Do you work here then?”

He looked over at her, raising one of his eyebrows. “I’m not a hallucination now?”

Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Can’t believe you thought I was a bloody hallucination.”

“Believe it. It’s all Nathan’s fault anyway. I’ll never forgive him for forcing me to live with you for a year.”

Harry let out a dry laugh. “To answer your question: no, thought I’d help out behind the bar to get me adrenaline going.”

“Well funny,” Y/N said. “You got me cracking up, can you tell?”

“Last time I checked, I got you laughing pretty hard, yeah.”

“That’s literally two years ago now.”

Harry finished the drink, putting it in a glass and placing it in front of the person standing just beside Y/N. Her eyes first landed on the watch on his wrist, the nice brown leather, and then her gaze travelled upward. She looked up at the man who was already staring at her, giving him a smile when she smiled at him. Their eye contact was put to an abrupt end when Harry poked the man’s hand holding the drink with the card machine. Y/N looked back at Harry, and then at another man with strong build and big, curly hair who stepped into view beside Harry.

“I’ll take care of her, Kai,” Harry said.

This Kai looked at Harry, blinking once before he met Y/N’s eyes again.

“She’s my flatmate,” Harry elaborated, making Kai study Y/N a bit more closely before he nodded once. He was very good looking, with a broad nose, almond-shaped eyes, and full lips, his brown skin glowed in the dim lights of the pub.

“That new one,” Kai said.

“Yeah.”

Kai smiled then, nodding in Y/N’s direction. “Nice of you to come check on Hazza. It’s always hectic on Fridays.”

“Oh, our other flatmate took me here, I didn’t come by choice.”

Kai’s eyebrows rose on his face and he looked at Harry who barked out a laugh, shrugging his shoulders at Kai as they exchanged a look. Harry walked over to stand right in front of her, signalling to Kai that he could take care of this one. Kai walked off, taking someone else’s order.

“Even feistier than I remember, you are,” Harry said.

She cocked her head to the side as Harry gathered a glass for her drink, already assuming that was what she was going to get. “You didn’t seem to have a problem with it before.”

It left her lips before she even registered she was thinking it. Harry only took a deep breath before meeting Y/N’s eyes again, clearly choosing to ignore her statement. “What can I get you, Y/N?”

“Sex on the Beach, please,” she said. “Two of them.”

“Alright.” Harry started making them right away, signalling to someone that he’d be right with them after this. Y/N looked around her, meeting the gaze of the man who had just stood by her at the bar. He raised his glass in her direction and she smiled back. She definitely had to go talk to him after this. He seemed to be a bit older, maybe five years older than her, but just for tonight, she did not care.

Y/N glanced back at Harry and watched him, fascinated by how fast he managed to make the drinks. “How long have you worked here, then?”

“A year abouts,” Harry said. “Worked in a hotel when we moved to Brum. Tended to work at the bar when the bartender was out.”

Y/N nodded, eyes on his hands as he poured ice, shots, and all types of alcohol and liquids into her drink. “You lived there till you moved to London?”

“Yeah.” They were quiet for a moment, both of them remembering all of the things that were left unsaid between them. All of those words, moments, and memories they had created during those months the two of them had crossed paths in Nottingham.

He cleared his throat as he put the drinks down in front of her. “If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t much like Brum.”

Y/N took a grip of the glasses. “And why’s that?”

“Dunno. Just didn’t find my footing proper.”

“In the two years you lived there?”

He shrugged. “Guess not.”

Y/N clicked her tongue. “Was it that bad?”

“Nah, I met tons of ace people and Birmingham’s a decent place, but…” He shrugged again. “Dunno.”

“Hmm,” she said, trying to decipher his words and if he was being truthful or not.

“Anyway,” Harry said, nodding to the drinks. “Take that other drink to Nathan – as I’m sure it’s for him – and when you bring that middle-aged man home later: please, be quiet. I have rugby at 11 tomorrow morning.”

Y/N’s mouth fell open. “How dare-“

“-Y/N, what’s taking so fucking long?” Nathan shouted as he came up next to her. His eyes fell on Harry behind the bar. “Oh… forgot to tell you Harry works here.”

“Nath, shut the fuck up,” Y/N said, looking from Nathan and back at Harry.

Harry nodded towards the door, silently telling them to fuck off, and they did. They walked back to the rest who were still sitting by the same table outside. Nathan took his drink from Y/N and sat down, but just as Y/N was about to sit down, she heard someone clear their throat behind her. She looked over her shoulder rather fast, blinking a few too many times when she locked eyes with the same man who had been standing beside her by the bar.

“Hi,” he said, giving her a broad smile.

Y/N almost felt herself blush. “Hey.”

“I’m George.”

She smiled. “Y/N.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Y/N,” he said, he gestured at the bench where she had just been about to sit down. “Mind if I sit down with you?”

Her smile widened. “Not at all.”

Y/N felt fucking terrible. Her room was too hot, too humid. Body sticky with sweat, limbs aching, throat burning with yesterday’s alcohol, and head throbbing, she opened her eyes slowly before shutting them again, groaning into her pillow. She hated herself for not drinking as much water before bed as she usually did when coming home from a night out. Sitting up, she looked down at the man beside her, racking her brain to remember what his name was. She ran her hands over her face, reaching for her glasses so she could see something, but quickly realising she left her contact lenses in the night before. Her eyes were so dry it hurt to blink and she suddenly realised why her head was hurting more than normal. Cursing herself, Y/N got out of bed with her glasses perched at the top of her head, picking up a tee shirt and some tights, pulling on her fluffy dressing gown before she made her way out of her room as soundlessly as possible.

She stumbled her way to the bathroom, locking the door behind her. First thing she did was take her contacts out, struggling to do so as the contacts were so dry, her eyes having dried out with them. She splashed water in her face next, then drank the equivalent to the Atlantic Ocean before splashing even more water on her face. She then put her glasses on, realising that she had to let her eyes relax some after what she had just put them through. It took her awhile to gather up the courage to go to the toilet, where she made herself throw up the nausea she was feeling before having a very long peeing session.

Moments of the night before came rushing back to her, and as she sat there on the toilet, she remembered more and more. The name George came to her like out of a fog, and then the details started falling into place. She remembered how he’d bought her more drinks, how the two of them had sat talking all night about nothing in particular. She remembered his hand on her thigh and him leaning into her to whisper in her ear. Then they were in her room, her front against the mattress and his weight on her back. It was all hazy after that, most of it just a mess of limbs and chasing a release that she had never caught up with. Though Y/N usually made it clear that she hadn’t come, she was too worn out to tell George. She remembered falling asleep almost the second they were done. To say she had been underwhelmed was an understatement.

When she was done, she walked down the stairs for the kitchen. Once again, she was left stopping right in her tracks as she walked in. Harry stood by the stove, eyes on the pan in front of him where he was making eggs, a few asparagus and peppers cooking beside the two frying eggs. For a moment, she debated walking back upstairs and leaving Harry to it, but then he glanced over at the door to his right, meeting her eyes right away. He gave her a tight-lipped smile before turning back to his breakfast. God… Y/N wanted to set herself on fire. It’d be better than staying inside a room with Harry alone after years apart.

He wore rugby shorts that reached mid-thigh, a white tee shirt to go with it, and a hairband to keep his hair out of his face. Y/N realised just then that he was getting ready to leave for rugby as he had told her yesterday he would. She could remember him doing rugby when they knew each other three years ago as well, but she didn’t think he’d still be doing it.

The small conversation they had in The Stag’s Head the night before lingered in the air between and around them. That was reason enough to turn and walk upstairs again. But as Y/N remembered who was waiting for her in her room, she stepped into the kitchen. She got two slices of bread and put them in the toaster, getting some butter and milk out of the fridge as she waited. She watched Harry’s back as she filled the kettle with enough water, quickly looking away when he moved to put his eggs on the two slices of bread on his plate. Biting her lip, Y/N got a mug and a teabag, looking back over at Harry as he stood holding his breakfast plate. Y/N took a deep breath, knowing exactly what she had to do.

“Okay,” she said only a second before Harry turned around to face her, mouth open as if to say something. He must have noticed the tension as well. “We need to talk this through. We can’t live together for the next year if it’s gonna be like this. Just gonna put that out there right away.”

“Yeah,” Harry sighed. “I’ve been thinking the same thing.”

Y/N leaned her hip against the counter, feeling relieved that she was not the only one out of the two that had thought about how incredibly awkward this was. “You’ve thought about it too?”

“Of course. I’ve been fuming ‘cause Nathan didn’t tell you sooner, and I’ve also found it annoying how I’m the bad guy in your eyes when this wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for Nate.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “I haven’t thought of you as the bad guy-“

“-Y/N,” Harry said, putting his plate down on the counter again. “You’ve been angry at me this whole time. I can tell.”

“My frustration with you has got nothing to do with this situation, but all to do with how you just left without even saying goodbye before you moved away.” Y/N crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m trying to not blame you for this as well, but you’re right, Nathan’s the one that made this happen, we should be angry with him.”

“So you have been mad at me.”

“Well, you’re here, aren’t you?” Y/N narrowed her eyes. “Isn’t it just easier, no matter how stupid the reason, to just find more things to make you angry at a person? To make you hate them even more? Isn’t it just satisfying to find other ways to be frustrated with them?”

“No.”

“You’re no fun.”

“I am.”

“Anyway,” Y/N continued, getting her bread slices out of the toaster to put butter on them. “Why didn’t we say anything? If we’ve both thought it’s been awkward, I mean.”

“You’ve been busy shagging men 10 years older than you, I didn’t get the chance.”

“Look at you not being frustrated or annoyed with me.”

“I told you to be quiet last night,” Harry said, getting a fork and putting some asparagus and paprika in his mouth. “You weren’t.”

Y/N got the kettle as it finished, pouring some hot water into her mug. “So, what you’re saying is that you’ve been angry with me.”

“Not angry, just…” Harry sighed. “Fine. A little angry last night, yes.”

Y/N smiled. “And he wasn’t 10 years older than me, he’s five years older.” She paused. “I think.”

“Right,” Harry said, eating more of his breakfast. “Listen…” He swallowed. “I think we should just… We should just address it.”

“Yeah.”

They were both quiet, looking at the other and waiting for them to say what they were both thinking. Though it looked like he was about to reach for his bread to take a bite, Harry stopped himself. Instead, he took a deep breath, and said, “It was fucking terrible. That first time…” He trailed off, narrowing his eyes before he ran a hand over his face, remembering it all over again. “I didn’t even last a minute. It was mortifying.”

“It wasn’t half as mortifying as you trying to go down on me afterwards.”

Harry let out a small laugh. “Yeah, that wasn’t really…” He sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“No, we were both part of it. You don’t have to apologise for that.”

“You hear all these stories about how losing your virginity is supposed to be so beautiful, but it’s not. It’s really fucking not. Especially if you lose it to someone else who hasn’t had sex before, it just makes it double as awkward.”

Y/N nodded. “It was shit. Both of us were shit.”

“Exactly.”

“But I hope you know the reason I’m frustrated with you isn’t because of that.”

Harry looked away, biting at his bottom lip before he said, “Yeah, I know why.”

“Good, just wanted that to be clear.”

Harry nodded, taking his bread slice in his hand, making sure the egg wouldn’t fall off before he brought it to his mouth. “Well, now that we’ve addressed that, let’s just move on.”

“Let’s.”

She gave him a small smile before taking her teabag out of her mug and throwing it in the bin. There was still some tension in the room, but not enough for Y/N to want to set herself on fire like she had wanted to before. Just as she was about to take a grip of her plate and cuppa, the sounds of footsteps made her look up. George, who had been asleep last time Y/N checked, walked by the kitchen, halting as he saw Y/N and Harry standing there in the kitchen. He gave them both a smile Y/N could tell was forced, and then walked straight for the door without a single word or a second glance. Y/N and Harry looked at one another, sharing a look before they both chuckled ever so slightly.

“Cracking bloke,” Harry mumbled.

“Innit,” Y/N huffed, picking up her breakfast. “Have fun at rugby practice.”

“Cheers.”

She walked by him, hoping that her room did not smell of George or anything resembling alcohol or sweat. If it did, she would hit her head against the wall. But, lucky for her, George had left the door open, which had given the room a little bit of time to get the smell of last night out. After putting on her fluffy duvet cover, she opened the windows to let some fresh air in, and left her door open as she sat down in bed with her laptop, tea, and breakfast.

Just as she was about to put her plate down on the nightstand, she noticed something already laying there on top of her books. Adjusting her glasses, Y/N squinted at the object. She put her plate down on her duvet cover and reached for the wristwatch George had left. It was the nice leather one she had seen last night by the bar, the one that had caught her attention first. The digital clock seemed to have stopped working, displaying a random time that Y/N in her hangover state could not tell anyone what was. She was too fucked to even try and understand the numbers in front of her.

She put the clock back on her desk, hoping that she’d run into George soon so she could give it back to him. Or maybe Nathan could stalk Facebook and find him so she could message him there to tell him. She was glad she hadn’t exchanged phone numbers with George as she did not want to meet him again, but right now, she wanted to give him his watch back.

Y/N heard the front door open and then close, indicating that Harry had just left for rugby, and, as far as she could tell, she was the only one currently awake in her flat. The morning was quiet, she felt oddly at peace as she put on Fleabag and sipped her cuppa, and little did she know, this would be one of those rare moments over the last three years that this emotion inhabited her body.

NEXT UPDATE: Sunday, 7th March, 9PM GMT!

Huge thanks to my AMAZING beta reader! 🏛️ @aileenacoustic 🏛️ @devil-in-bw-the-sheets 🏛️ @sunflowerstache​ 🏛️ @fromyourstrulyh​ 🏛️

FIC PAGE | COME TALK !!!

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles smut #harry styles x you #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles fic #1dff #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGIWGOJGI PLS COME TALK !!!!

[caswellprmanager]

suspended

read it on ao3!

Summary: Ricky is afraid of heights. Nobody knows this.

Notes: This is purely a vent fic in response to 2x10 bc I have pent up feelings that I make Ricky feel instead. Richard Bowen bb I'm so sorry 😩 Anw don't read if you haven't watched the latest ep as there are major spoilers!

Warnings: Mentions of injuries

---

Ricky isn't the most open person – that part he's sure everybody is aware of – and he kind of likes it that way.

Every time Ricky has laid his heart out for anyone, pain follows not too long after. As much as people love to tell him that getting hurt is just a part of life, it does not mean he has to just let it get past him like it was nothing. He's a teenager. He has intense emotions and raging hormones. Shouldn't he be allowed to be upset?

No, apparently.

Because according to everyone else, he's not allowed to be upset that his parents split up. He's not allowed to be upset after breaking up with his girlfriend. He's not allowed to be upset at literally anything because the show must go on, right?

They don't say it out loud. They wouldn't dare. But Ricky feels it deep down that they just want him to get his act together before opening night. They don't know how to help him and he understands that but... it would be nice if they tried.

No one has really tried to get to know him on a deeper level. Sure, he can say that Big Red is his best friend and that Nini is the only other person who gets him but... there are parts of him that he hasn't told either of them. Not for lack of trying – he's tried several times to open up more after all. But being completely vulnerable is still entirely new territory for him.

And one of the things he's never told anyone – not even Big Red and Nini – is that he's terrified of heights.

There was one time when he was a kid, he liked to climb trees like a monkey. And as a kid, his curiosity on how high he could climb got the best of him. One thing led to another and then he found himself crying to his mom about a broken arm and a bruised hip.

Ever since then, he's been afraid of heights.

He tampered it down when Miss Jenn suggested that Troy be suspended in midair for Getcha Head in the Game. She was so excited for it and Ricky was still very much the new kid in the club – so he couldn't say anything. And Miss Jenn has been lovely to him, letting him go home when he wasn't emotionally or mentally at school or rehearsals.

So Ricky just let himself be strapped to the harness and sing his heart out — until he saw his mom with Todd in the audience.

Then, the harness seemed to suffocate him, squeezing at his ribcage despite it being not that tight. Suddenly, the ground beneath him seemed a million feet away and that if the rope broke he'd be fucking dead on impact. Suddenly, the air was thinner, his head was spinning, and he was trying to tell EJ with his eyes that he needs to get down or he's going to die.

There were other things to worry about during the show so he never really did get to bring that up afterwards. Eventually, Ricky forgot about the whole thing after blissfully being back with Nini officially.

Life was fantastic.

Then life suddenly... was not.

The second break-up was hard enough, even if he was the one to initiate it. Now, they're only one day close to doing tech rehearsals and they don't have anything cohesive. Miss Jenn looked like she was about to have an aneurysm, Carlos basically had one hand holding a clipboard and another hand on 911 speed dial, and everyone else visibly cringes every time Ricky speaks his lines.

So yeah. Not a very good time right now. Ricky wants to disappear completely.

And then... they had to suggest that they, once again, suspend him in midair during the transformation. This is essentially Ricky's worst fucking nightmare.

But he wasn't part of the viral intagram clapback against North High, wasn't even there for more than half of act two back in HSM, and everyone just isn't in the mood for any complaints Ricky might have... Even if it's about a fear that brings up one of the worst memories of his childhood. And Ricky desparately still wants to be considered as part of the team.

Yeah. No. It isn't a big deal. Not at all.

Just strap on the harness and wait for the nightmare to be over, right?

Wrong.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion — the snapping of the rope, the screams from his castmates, the sound of hurried footsteps only seconds too late before Ricky lands on the floor with a sickening crunch. Big Red is the first one by his side, followed by EJ, both of whom instruct everyone to stand back and call some medical help. He vaguely hears Nini speak on the phone with someone but the sharp pain that is coming from somewhere on his body intensifies with each movement.

Ricky can't even see straight and the searing pain of what is most definitely a few broken bones is so intense that he can't help screaming when EJ tries to move him.

"FUCK!" He screams when EJ attempts to move his leg. Well that one is definitely broken... Is it supposed to bend like that? Both Big Red and EJ put their hands up, signaling to everyone else not to touch Ricky.

Ricky tries to move his arm and cries out again. It isn't as bed as his leg but it's at the very least sprained. Big Red reassures him that someone is on their way to bring him to the hospital but Ricky can barely focus on his voice.

The next time Ricky is conscious enough to comprehend what's happening around him, he hears arguing from the other side of... wherever he is. He sits up, blinking rapidly in order to adjust to the dim lighting, and realizes with dread that he's actually in the hospital.

"Ricky! You're awake!" Big Red's voice comes from his left and he sees the rest of the gang follow him at his declaration. Ricky's skin crawls ever so slightly at seeing all of their worries faces. He doesn't need pity or guilt right now.

God he just wants to be alone.

But does he really?

"You broke your leg and sprained your wrist in two places." Nini said to him – the first full sentence she's said to him directly since the break-up – and Ricky doesn't know what to do with that. There's a ringing in his ears and he can't get it to stop.

Then everyone else started talking, taking turns about how worried they were before the doctor told them the news. He could barely even make out their words as they sound muffled in his head. He wants to say he's okay. He wants to say that everything will be fine and that he'll be back onstage in no time.

But the reality is that none of this has ever been fine for him.

"I'm afraid of heights."

His voice was soft, restrained, and thick with tears he'd rather not shed in front of all these people. But even just the sound of his voice right now stopped the rest of them mid-sentence. They process this new information with mouths gaping and eyes widened in more white hot guilt.

"You never told me that." Nini says first, almost accusatoy and a little sad. Ricky scoffs and leans back to bury the side of his face in his pillow.

"You never asked." Ricky replied simply and the weight of his words fell on the rest of the group.

You never asked.

They never asked if he was okay with the harness.

They never asked if he was okay even with all that pressure as the lead.

They never asked if he was okay with any of it.

Maybe he can argue that he never spoke up but the damage has been done and all Ricky wants to do now is sleep for a long time.

"I'm afraid of heights." He says again, allowing a few tears to fall down his face at the admission, not even trying to see any of his friends' reactions. "Can you all leave me alone please?"

He doesn't start sobbing until the last person leaves the room.

Ricky isn't the most open person – that part he's sure everybody is aware of – and he kind of likes it that way. He's not always the first to reach out.

But it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt just as much when no one does the same for him.

#ricky bowen #hsmtmts #hsmtmts spoilers #cloud's writing now #hsmtmts 2x10 #i just have a lot of feelings #i was supposed to make ricky pop off but i simply believe ricky is tired #he needs a long nap

[bestworstcase]

legitimately it fucks me up that RDO is widely considered both in and out of cassunzel circles to be just. cassunzel tangled au: the episode, and that in cassunzel spaces its reputation is largely that it’s a sweet romantic episode that comes as close to canonizing cassunzel as a disney princess cartoon could reasonably get–

–like it is unfathomable to me that RDO is seen this way when RDO is a horrific coda to RATGT and puts the final nail in the coffin of rapunzel’s and cassandra’s friendship-as-it-presently-stands. what cass sees in the house of yesterdays tomorrow isn’t the point of no return: RDO is. i will die on this hill.

RATGT ends with cass, having been mutilated by rapunzel, insisting that she is fine, donning armor, and quietly but determinedly telling rapunzel “it’s your call” re: whether the gang will press on to the dark kingdom or, you know, turn back to maybe seek medical care cassandra’s barbecued hand. this comes on the heels of rapunzel telling cass that 1) rapunzel is the future queen, 2) she is going to make decisions cass disagrees with, and 3) she needs and expects cass to “be okay” with that.

meaning, cassandra at the end of RATGT is attempting to do precisely what rapunzel asked her to do: set aside her own feelings completely and subordinate herself to rapunzel’s leadership, no matter what.

and RDO is a brutal examination of how untenable this state of affairs is.

because the premise of RDO is this: rapunzel cannot stand that cass is acting cranky and curt over what happened in the great tree, and she manipulates the situation to get cassandra alone with the intention of forcing cass to talk to her so things can go back to normal again.

furthermore, rapunzel is angry at cassandra for a constellation of interrelated reasons: 1) she has recast the events of the tree as “i told cass i had it under control, she didn’t listen and burned herself, if she had listened to me none of this would have happened,” ignoring or forgetting that she did not have it under control and that cass did not interfere until rapunzel said she couldn’t control the incantation, 2) because she blames cassandra for the injury, she feels indignant that cass is mad at her for something rapunzel has decided is not her fault, and 3) she has convinced herself that they just need to talk things out to make everything better and is infuriated that cass refuses to discuss it. she literally draws cassandra as an enraged monster while processing her feelings about this. rapunzel states that she “gets” why cass is mad at her, but her behavior makes it clear that in rapunzel’s mind, cassandra is the “bad guy” in this conflict.

meanwhile cassandra is focused on retraining her injured hand—not on healing, not on recuperating, not on working through her feelings about what happened, but on recovering her fighting ability because without that she has no worth to the group. i won’t even qualify that with an “in her mind,” because at this point… yeah. these people are her friends but at no point between RATGT and DC do they lift a finger to support her, express concern for her well-being or feelings, or treat her like their equal; in mirror mirror they will walk out on her mid-sentence and eugene will scoff openly at the idea that any of them would ever listen to her, in lost and found eugene will leap to the conclusion that cass is the traitor, and in destinies collide he and rapunzel will openly doubt her loyalty, intentions, and physical ability to help them (while also continuing to blame her for the injury). cass is worthless to them.

cassandra does not want to talk about it with rapunzel, probably because the last time she tried to be vulnerable with rapunzel she got shot down on the grounds of rapunzel being in charge. she makes this very clear. rapunzel strong arms cass into going on a scouting trip with just the two of them, and even becomes dismayed when cass tries to bring owl along because she wanted cass completely alone. she continually prods at the wound, trying to get cass to talk.

this comes to a head when they camp, and rapunzel directly initiates a conversation… leading with “i’m mad at you too” and again blaming the injury on cass. cass says, “if that’s how you feel, it’s fine,” and rapunzel pushes harder because it clearly isn’t fine, and she wants cass to talk about it NOW so they can resolve it and be friendly again. she harangues cass until cass snaps and shouts that she wishes rapunzel would forget the whole thing—

—and then boom! magic amnesia cassunzel tangled au. the whole thing is predicated on an enormous violation of cassandra’s boundaries by rapunzel, a violation which involved rapunzel blaming cass for the trauma rapunzel caused, a violation that continued relentlessly over cassandra’s repeated requests to stop until cass lashed out.

rapunzel without her memories is oblivious to this context and her painful history with cass. cass is not, and feels a huge weight of responsibility to fix her mistake. she recognizes that she inadvertently hurt rapunzel and throws herself into making it right… while continuing to withhold the truth, because the trauma is fresh, because she has too much bad experience with rapunzel to feel comfortable being emotionally open with her as she once was, and because she feels guilty about wiping rapunzel’s memories. at the same time, rapunzel’s reset back to a sweet, happy, excited person rather than one who is furious and harassing cassandra for having feelings about being maimed reminds cass of all the reasons she does love rapunzel…

…which all culminates in cassandra restoring rapunzel’s memories and apologizing. she details for rapunzel the reasons she’s upset, but follows it up with saying she shouldn’t have snapped, shouldn’t have touched the wand, shouldn’t have lied, and that while she is angry she isn’t always going to be: she’ll get over it because that’s what friends do.

there is no apology from rapunzel. rapunzel doesn’t take any accountability for burning cassandra’s hand, nor does she apologize for pestering and pushing until cass snapped, nor does she apologize for blaming cass and vilifying her for being mad. the framing of this reconciliation is “cass was wrong, and rapunzel graciously accepts her apology” which is SUPER FUCKED UP in the context of “rapunzel mutilated cass then blamed her for it and got mad that cass was upset and then nagged her until cass finally lost her temper.” which is what happens. but because rapunzel was harmed when cass lost her temper that context is shoved aside and cass ends up in the position of apologizing and accepting blame for the entire conflict.

lastly: paired together, “rapunzel accidentally mutilated cass” and “cass accidentally wiped rapunzel’s memories” are a stark illustration of how unbalanced the relationship has become, not just in the sense of rapunzel being the princess and cassandra her servant but also in the emotional sense that cass gives and rapunzel takes. when rapunzel accidentally harms cass she shifts all the blame onto cass, browbeats her for being upset, and makes it all about HER feelings and what SHE wants. by comparison when cass accidentally harms rapunzel she takes full responsibility and goes to great lengths to try to fix it while shoving her own feelings aside, and then offers rapunzel a heartfelt apology while also giving rapunzel the reassurance she demanded that things can be fine between them again—despite the fact that rapunzel’s stance on the great tree incident hasn’t budged.

RATGT digs a grave, but RDO is what puts their friendship in the ground. because cass is given no quarter: she is not allowed to be mad or upset, because rapunzel doesn’t want her to be. she is pushed and pushed and pushed until she snaps—and then she’s the one at fault for the whole thing, she’s the one apologizing, and she’s the one reassuring rapunzel that she’ll just get over her bad feelings without rapunzel having to do anything to earn her forgiveness. there is no real communication happening; RDO is where their ability to communicate dies. and personally i’m convinced that the device of rapunzel temporarily losing her memories was used specifically because the episode ends with rapunzel experiencing another false “reset” of sorts: she walks away from that conversation with cass believing everything is fine, or at least on a path to becoming find again, when in reality their friendship is now in the morgue.

#rta #RDO is like. incredibly bleak. #i remember watching it for the first time and my heart just plummeting… #from beginning to end it is such a fascinating but gut-wrenching study of the end of their friendship #and i firmly believe cassandra started quietly planning her exit at this point #which is why she was so quick to trust zhan tiri: #she was ALREADY planning to leave #and all zhan tiri had to do was plant the idea of taking the moonstone on the way out.

[thanksjro]

More Than Meets the Eye #32 - Nobody’s Ever Actually Dead in Comic Books

Our band of merry guys-who-weren’t-on-the-Lost-Light-in-issue-#1 approach the shattered husk of the Lost Light, in a gruesome scene that is only slightly marred by the graphic design.

Font doesn’t really suggest danger, does it? Here, for comparison, is something I slapped together in fifteen minutes (including recreation of background) using a font I got off a free font site.

Now, one could say that my version is rather derivative, flat, and arguably cliche, but you know what else it is? Appropriate for the fucking mood of having found a destroyed, hemorrhaging ship after everyone you knew disappeared.

I’m available, IDW! Hit me up.

Theorizing that this is the ship that the Coffin Rodimus came from- remember that? It was a few issues ago- the gang flies in for a closer look. The ship blood is actually something called quantum foam, which allows for quantum space travel to happen. It’s not supposed to be outside of the quantum quills, but the ship’s pretty junked up, so it is.

Because the ship is so very full of holes, the gang can set down for repairs pretty easy. They land in Swerve’s, finding it in less-than-pristine condition. They also find evidence of Crosscut having gotten creative, as a poster for the play he was working on is hung up in the room. Considering he was still writing it when he disappeared, this might seem a bit odd. But then you remember that this is a ship from the future, and it stops being so odd.

Because this is a future ship, with evidence that Crosscut did some stuff, it stands to reason that, at some point, everyone is going to come back from being disappeared.

Just to die.

Which is a bummer, but one crisis at a time.

Megatron disembarks the Rod Pod, with Ravage following, and everyone is just a touch put off by the duo. Everyone but Nautica, who proceeds to commit a microaggression.

Nautica, that’s Soundwave’s father you’re petting like a common animal.

Ravage, angered by this over-familiarity, swats at her. Skids questions letting an active Decepticon roam around, but Megatron brushes off these concerns, saying that finding any still-living crew members is more important. With that, the search begins.

The gang splits up to look for clues, despite Riptide thinking this is a horrible idea. They’re on the clock for this one- the quantum foam is liable to explode if it touches anything, and there’s an awful lot of the stuff floating around right now.

Nightbeat and Nautica leave the rest of the group to their own work, seeing as Nautica has the most appropriate alt-mode for traversing the gaps in the ship.

Man, that’s pretty cool. Wish Nautica hadn’t been regulated to being “girl best friend” for her character arcs, I would have loved to see her do some neat stuff for her own development. Guess that’s what happens when you get introduced as main cast late, and have to compete with all the faves who had dozens of issues to be established and who also don’t have to deal with the whole “token girl character” thing.

The rest of the gang- Megatron, Ravage, Riptide, Skids, and Getaway- start looking in the area they’re already in. Seems a little lopsided, but whatever.

Ravage finds someone almost immediately, identifying Ultra Magnus through smell alone. Only, it isn’t just Ultra Magnus.

The Magnus armor lays not terribly far away, having had its hands cut off to prevent the recall signal from being activated before being gut-murdered.

Gut-murdered wiTH A FUSION CANNON, MEGATRON

Of course, Megatron was forced to destroy his fusion canon after it was decided he would be joining the Lost Light, but you can buy these things off the black market like it’s nothing. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Brainstorm had a few stashed in his lab.

As it currently stands, nobody can trust the guy who has a storied past of killing Autobots, on a future ship where the only folks who could stop him are dead. Megatron, at least, has the good sense to not argue this fact, and suggests that the boys lock both Ravage and himself up until they suss out exactly what happened.

Meanwhile, over with Nautica and Nightbeat, we run through all the weird shit that’s happened in the last day or so.

Nautica, you’ve been on this ship for months now. How did you miss the fact that the only couple within 800 miles got annihilated by way of Phase Sixer? I feel like that attack might have come up at some point.

Since they’re on the subject of spouses, Nightbeat asks Nautica if she’s married, or if she has friends. Though noting that such a direct line of questioning might get him slapped with someone else, Nautica reveals that she is single, though she does have a best friend. Nightbeat is also single, probably because he pulls shit like this.

While this conversation is going on, Nautica uses her Sonic Screwdriver wrench to open a door with the literal push of a button. Brainstorm tricked out her wrench so hard it turned into a magic wand, which is good, because they’re going to need all the help they can get now that space is literally warping around them thanks to the quantum foam.

Nautica kicks something on the elevator, and that something turns out to be Brainstorm’s mysterious briefcase. Too bad Swerve is gone, he was so invested in what it contained. Luckily, Nightbeat is just as interested.

Back over on the other side of the ship, it seems as though Megatron kept his word about not resisting, as both he and Ravage have been locked in a cabinet. Wonder how that’s going for them.

Oh, better than I expected.

Ravage is fucking pissed that Megatron joined the Autobots, thereby turning his back on everyone who supported his cause during the last four million years. Despite this grievous betrayal though, the Decepticons haven’t stopped moving. Turns out, Galvatron’s in charge now.

But only if Autobot Megatron isn’t some sort of ploy.

It’s at this point that we learn just why Ravage is here to begin with- to see if Megatron’s truly given up the Decepticons, and if he has, to murder him. But first he’d like to know why this is happening.

Megatron views himself as a monster, having perpetuated a war that ended the lives of billions, destroyed the Cybertronian way of life, ostracized his race from the rest of the universe, and killing just to have something to do. He doesn’t like feeling this way about himself, so he decided to walk away from that life by joining the other team.

Don’t think it’s quite that easy to do, but okay.

Ravage isn’t so sure that this change of heart is going to stick, still convinced that Megatron will snap back to his old self with just a bit more time. Problem is, Megatron may not have a ton of that resource left.

Didn’t they build that body in like an hour so you wouldn’t die? Yeah, no wonder it feels as ill-fitting as a twenty-dollar suit. Thing’s probably made out of pig iron and duct tape.

The lights come on before further self-reflection can be done, and the duo realize that they’ve had guests this whole time.

Someone put the kettle on.

Obviously some fucked up shit happened on this ship. Megatron isn’t so sure that it’s him who did these dirty deeds, however, as he reaches into Ratchet’s mouth and pulls out his brain. Which feels like something that doesn’t really absolve one of guilt, but okay.

Also, ew.

Back with Nautica and Nightbeat, things are getting weird.

Now, this sequence might seem confusing at first blush, but this is because the laws of reality are collapsing around them. Going by clues in the background, we can find the proper, linear progression of time, and thus is conversation. This is what is actually happening:

With the mystery of Brainstorm’s briefcase eluding us once again, we move on to see more graphic aftermaths of violence. Poor Tailgate has been nailed to the wall with a chunk of a metal beam that’s almost as big as he is. The mood lighting for this scene is gorgeous, but I’ve hit my limit for exposing y’all to gore for this issue, so you’ll just have to trust me on this one. Then they find something even more interesting.

Who’s ready for Under Cold Blue Stars… 2!

Back over on the opposite side of the ship, Riptide’s found something nasty. It’s a bunch of dead bodies!

Including, uh, Pipes.

Who already died a while ago.

Hm.

All the bodies in this room are in their alts, and it looks like they’ve all been shot and drilled into, for some reason. Skids brings up that he had a friend who could identify the placement of any robot’s brain module just by knowing what they turned into. Then he reaches into a corpse to see what the drill-hole’s all about. It makes him sick, though maybe not for the reason you might think. He gets on the phone with Nightbeat, who’s called to tell them that they’ve found Overlord.

Still locked in his weird body harness.

And decapitated.

Megatron is on the other line, calling because he’s figured out the same thing Skids has. Someone paid a visit to this ship. Someone nasty.

The gang regroups, and Nautica gets the basics on the DJD, because I guess nobody’s mentioned them even in passing in the last six months, either.

God, what do they even talk about on this ship? Certainly not their feelings.

The reason that one room was filled with alt-modes was because of Tarn’s addiction to transforming; t-cogs are easier to remove when they’ve been used recently.

We get a quick 4/5ths-page gore-fest, then it’s back to making it all about Megatron.

Maybe you should have thought about that before you FUCKING DEFECTED, YOU POOL NOODLE.

Nightbeat’s beginning to put two and two together. There’s an Overlord in the basement. That shouldn’t be, because Overlord got exploded by Chromedome when he mercy-killed Rewind. Something is off about the past of this ship.

Before he can establish his MTMTE everybody-lives-but-then-dies AU though, the quantum foam fucks with the ship. These sons of guns need to get the hell out of here, pronto.

Oh god, what now?

Ravage smells someone inside the Magnus armor, someone who isn’t a part of the usual nesting doll lineup. Megatron reaches into the Crackerjack box and pulls out one hell of a prize.

HE LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVES

Chromedome would be so thrilled, if he still existed.

#transformers #jro #MTMTE #slaughterhouse #issue 32 #maccadam #Hannzreads #incoming analysis #text post #long post #comic script writing

[jgvfhl]

The Number Lads

Part 1/???? 3K words, no warnings :)

 So I’ve created an audience on Tumblr for the Number Lads, and I’ve happened to got 3K words here for them. So! Here are the origins of the Number Lads! More to follow.... eventually....

For future reference:

Sevenset = ARC-7777 = ARCBoiiiii

Do-si-do = CT-2222 = Double Trouble

Trees = CT-3333 = Green Bean

Loops = CT-8888 = Loopy

Sixes = CC-6666

Double Trouble: i meant it as a joke sevens

ARCBoiiiiii: i didn’t

ARCBoiiiii: what you think you can drop that information on me and i wont use it??? how long have you known me

Double Trouble: okay okay but if you die i’m not mourning you

Loopy: ouch

Green Bean: how do you have this much time to comm us when you’re at ARC training, sevenset

Green Bean: who changed my name

Double Trouble: :3c

ARCBoiiiii: what you don’t like it? thought it suited you, trees

Green Bean: why did i let you guys talk me into this club…

ARCBoiiiii: we’re awfully convincing that way

Double Trouble: you felt compelled

Double Trouble: it’s the numbers gang bond

Green Bean: it was not that

ARCBoiiiii: was it loops space buns

ARCBoiiiii: i bet it was loops space buns

Loopy: what

Double Trouble: they are adorable

Loopy: oh kriff you, don’t you have arc stuff to do, sevenset?

ARCBoiiiii: ehhhhh my next training block doesnt start for another 4min, so....

Double Trouble: well i gotta run, we’re going hyperspace in a min or so--remember the meeting next week!!! be there or be square!

ARCBoiiiii: we dont have any perfect squares yet ;-;

Green Bean: Yeah, yeah, i’ll see you weirdos eventually

Loopy: stay alive out there

Double Trouble: especially the guy who wants to recruit Commander Death over there

ARCBoiiiii: I’ll be fiiinnnne whats the worst that can happen

Green Bean: i mean. his name. is DEATH?

ARCBoiiiii: ..... a fair point.... i guess you’ll just have to wait until the next numbers gang meeting huh :)

Loopy: maker help you

----

Sevenset was uncharacteristically quiet that day during second meal, but only because his mouth was continually occupied with food, not talking. He was on the clock today.

“Hey, Sevenset, are you inhaling those rations, or…?”

He looked over at Buster next to him, quickly swallowing his food. “I just got something I wanna do,” he said, taking a glug of water.

“Something so important you’re taking one of the few unscheduled breaks we have to do it? Okay then.”

Sevenset cleaned the rest of his tray, flashing a grin at Buster as he stood up. “Don’t wanna be late. Got a meeting with death.” He really couldn’t resist the pun. Honestly.

Buster’s eyebrow raised skeptically. His friend next to him, Sketch, asked, “Is this about some new way you’ve managed to piss off the trainers? Because yeah, I’m sure Alpha could arrange a meeting with death for you if you… I dunno, painted pink hearts on his armor.”

“Amazing idea,” Sevenset admitted, his brain automatically figuring out where the pink paint was (he’d have to make it), where Alpha-17’s armor lived (not sure on that one), and how possible it would be to sneak in and out to accomplish the task (a challenge). “However, no, not this time. See you guys later!” He deposited his tray and utensils in the proper area to be cleaned, then jogged out of the mess hall.

Kamino’s winding halls and levels really weren’t efficient--but compared to Coruscant… he couldn’t really argue. A healthy stretch of time in the Guard had given him plenty of tools to make his way around inefficient, crowded, twisty places like this. It didn’t take long before he reached where he was going. Aside from the resident Rancor Battalion, there were often troopers on Kamino from various groups throughout the GAR. They stayed out of the way of those training in separate wings of Tipoca City, and right now, Sevenset was very keen to speak to a visiting commander.

He slipped into a lift with two other troopers--visiting, by the looks of their battered armor. Luckily, they were too engrossed in their own conversation to really notice him, despite his rather colorful tattoos that usually made him stick out. But it was for the best this time. He got off at the level above and started down the hall, reading door labels as he went, searching….

Ah. Here. He pushed a button to open the door, but it was locked. Not entirely surprising, but… now what? If his internal clock was still fairly accurate, he had about ten minutes before he needed to be back for the next training block.

“It’s locked for a reason.”

He whirled, his body almost automatically snapping to attention at the low voice behind him.

Commander Sixes (AKA Commander Death, remember) surveyed him with a disturbing lack of expression. He was tall, for a clone. Probably closer in height to some of the Alphas than to Sevenset. His black armor stuck out like green plants on Coruscant in the brightly lit halls of Tipoca City, making him somehow look even bigger. Even more unnerving, he still had his helmet on, the visor lit with a dull green light, and fixed pointedly on him. Sevenset hated not being able to read people...

Sevenset hadn’t planned for this. Come to think of it, a lot of the “plan” he’d concocted relied on a few assumptions, and all of them seemed to be fading. One of them had been that he would have no problem talking to a CO--he never had before. “Sir, hi--hello--I was uhm…” He managed to clamp down on the first coherent thought to float through his head, so instead of blurting, “You’re a lot taller than I thought you’d be,” he stumbled upon, “It’s a nice room you’ve got. From the outside,” and immediately wanted to bash his head in on the wall.

The commander’s helmet never moved, just kept staring him down. “Get out of my way,” he finally growled, taking a step forward.

Against all better judgement, Sevenset stood his ground, although he squished himself a bit closer against the door. “Yessir, of course, just--one thing, really quick thing, I promise.” When the commander didn’t kill him or rip his arms off or something, he went on, finally finding his words were cooperating with him. “So, you’re CC-6666, naturally. I happen to be CT-7777--Sevenset, I’m Sevenset. There’s a group of us, see, sir--with the repeating numbers, and we have little meetings--”

“No.”

“--is what I thought you’d say, but just--” he paused, fumbling a bit to pull a piece of flimsi out of his pocket. “There’s the frequency, there’s the date of the next meeting,” he said, holding out the flimsi scrap. “I’m sure the other boys would love it if you dropped by.” The end of his final sentence shriveled into an undignified squawk when Commander Sixes reached out, grabbed his collar, and shoved him bodily out of the way of the door.

“Get back to training before I have some of my boys drag you there,” he said, entering the door’s access code.

“I’ve got six minutes--”

The door slid shut in his face. Well. He was still alive. So… that counted as a success. Perhaps not a resounding success, but a success. He stood in stunned silence for a moment, still clutching the scrap of flimsi in his hand, wondering if he should stick it in the door so the commander would find it later. However, he had no trouble believing the commander’s threat that his men literally would drag him back to the ARCs if he told them to, so it was probably best not to linger.

Sevenset jumped to attention for the second time that day when the door slid open again. He just stood there, dumb, as Commander Sixes stepped out, plucked the scrap of flimsi from his fingers, then returned to his room with about as much ceremony as befitted dumping pebbles out of a boot.

Oh, yeah. Definitely a success.

---

The first thing Sixes did once back in the privacy of his albeit temporary rooms was remove the top half of his armor, only leaving the gauntlet with his wrist comm. Turning his attention to said wrist comm, he entered Colt’s number. There was a short wait before the other commander answered it.

“Everything alright over there, Sixes, sir?”

“It’s about one of the ARC candidates.”

There was a pause. Understandable. The ARCs weren’t supposed to be in this wing of Tipoca City. “Which one?” His tone suggested he already had his suspicions.

“Calls himself Sevenset.”

He heard inaudible muttering on the other end. “What’d he do this time?” Sixes had suspected as much.

“Quite a pair he’s got on him, hasn’t he?”

Colt laughed dryly. “Yeah, sure. Hopefully, he’s worth the trouble.”

Sixes looked over the scrap of flimsi in his other hand. “Yeah… I think he might be.”

~+~

Leaning back in his pilot’s chair, Do-si-do watched the little light on the ship’s holoprojector, waiting for the others to join the meeting. He always took the calls in his ship. It was more private than his bunk most of the time, and frankly, the audio quality was so much better than on the hand-held devices.

Trees was the first to join, punctual as usual.

“Hey, Trees,” he smiled.

“Have you heard from Sevenset yet?” he asked.

Do-si-do shook his head, combing strands of his bleached curls out of his face. “Nah. Figure he’s been too busy. Graduation was supposed to be a couple days ago, right?”

“Three, yes.”

Loops’ holographic miniature appeared beside Trees’. He looked exhausted, but awake. His long hair was down from his signature twin buns, and he leaned his chin on his hand, fingers resting just over the infinity symbol tattoo on his cheek.

“Loops,” Trees greeted him.

“Mph.”

“What happened to you?” Do-si-do asked.

“Supply shipment,” Loops sighed. “General Koon’s having skeleton crews tonight so we can get some sleep.” After a stifled yawn, he asked, “Is Sevenset dead yet?”

Do-si-do smiled. “Trees asked the same thing, and I have no idea.”

As if on cue, a third hologram popped up on the ship’s control panel. Sevenset beamed at them, his new ARC pauldrons proudly on display. “Guess who’s not dead, fellas!”

“Hey hey! Look at you, ARC-7777,” Do-si-do grinned, leaning forward in his seat. “How’s it feel?”

“I really love the kama, gotta be honest.” He was only visible from the waist up, but they could see him sway his hips back and forth, clearly enjoying his new gear.

“Show us the paint,” Loops demanded, as firmly has he could demand it in his half-asleep state.

Sevenset obliged, setting down his holoprojector--his personal one, now he had graduated--and stepping back so more of his body was visible. The paint job was fairly similar to his previous armor--the sharp edges, the circle on his right shoulder bell holding four stylized sevens--but the new armor on his chest and arms had forced some alterations. They could see just about all of the kama now, the bright red sevens standing out against the dark grey fabric. Predictable, maybe, but still eye-catching. That was Sevenset’s main goal, if it weren’t already clear from the tapestry of tattoos on his bald head that ran down his neck under his blacks, and the several glinting piercings in his ears and nose.

“It’s definitely you.” Trees, bluntly.

“They let you keep the red paint, huh?” Do-si-do said. Sevenset had previously been assigned to the Coruscant Guard. After proving a bit more trouble than the Guard could take, and catching some CO’s eye, he’d been shipped back to Kamino a couple months ago to join Rancor.

“Hey, if Commander Colt can have it, I guess I can too. No one stopped me.”

Without warning, a fourth hologram appeared beside the others in front of Do-si-do’s eyes. A trooper--a big trooper, even in miniature--and in dark armor, helmet included. His brows scrunched together as he studied the person, failing to recognize them.

Sevenset did. “Commander!”

“I see Colt decided against tossing you overboard.”

Oh, no karking way. “Commander Sixes?” Do-si-do blurted.

At the same time, Loops made some unintelligible noise and suddenly disconnected, and Trees froze like a lizard when a hawk flies overhead, his eyes gone wide, one arm half-way to a salute. Frankly, Do-si-do could understand their reactions. Commander Sixes--like many of the CCs--was legendary. His wing of Star Fighters had fought through some of the toughest space battles so far, and always came out of it. As a pilot himself, Do-si-do had heard story after story about their skills. The fighter wing and the commander now wore the nickname Death, thanks to their brutal but effective tactics.

There was a brief and painfully quiet pause before the commander said, “Pride of the GAR, this lot.”

“Eh, they’ll get over it,” Sevenset shrugged, his hologram appearing to zoom in as he came closer again. “Right, Trees?” he added with a grin. Their friend was still in shock, it looked like. “Might have to tell him to relax, sir.”

The commander’s helmet turned towards Trees. “At ease. Take a breath before you pass out.”

Trees blinked, lowering his arm. “Yessir,” he said quietly, throwing a glance over his shoulder.

“I’ll try to get Loops back,” Sevenset said, a datapad appearing in his hands. Damn, ARCs really did get all the good stuff. Do-si-do still had to share a datapad with his squad of pilots.

“Shouldn’t there be more?” Commander Sixes asked.

“Of us? Yeah,” Do-si-do answered. “I guess there should be nine of us, in theory.”

“Nine or ten,” Trees said, his tone still a bit clipped.

“Ten or eleven, actually,” Sevenset corrected, still looking at his datapad. “We don’t know if a CT designation can be all zeroes. Might have been taken out of the system, who knows.”

“It’s hard when we don’t have access to the full GAR database,” Do-si-do went on. “We have to rely on hearsay and brothers from other battalions. Sevenset and I met by chance on Coruscant.” Loops’ hologram reappeared. He looked a bit more awake now, still visibly on edge from the commander’s arrival, and with a glower on his face. “Loopy! Welcome back.”

“I hate you.”

“Whoa, hey, I didn’t know he was coming either,” he defended himself. “Blame Sevenset.”

“I’m blaming both of you,” Loops said. “You told Sevenset about him, and Sevenset was stupid enough to go through with it.”

Sevenset, his attention off his datapad and back on the meeting, put a hand over his heart. “Stupid enough?” he repeated, doing his best to sound utterly wounded. “I think you mean ballsy enough.”

“He meant stupid enough,” the commander replied immediately and without emotion. “And I agree.”

Do-si-do snorted a laugh at the look of utter indignation on Sevenset’s face. Even Trees relaxed a bit more. “Okay, I can get used to having a CC around,” he grinned.

“Finally, someone with the authority to tell him off,” Loops said, expressing Do-si-do’s feelings exactly.

The recipient of their mocking pouted at them, folding his arms as best he could with his new armor. “Now I just feel unloved.”

“Why do I get the feeling Commander Fox was only too happy to get you qualified for ARC training?” the commander asked, his tone remaining impassive.

“For your information,” Sevenset said, then stopped, realizing, as they all had, that the commander had known where Sevenset had previously served. No one had told him this information. “How did you know I was in the Guard?”

They all turned to the commander. “I’m a commander. I can look anyone up. I looked you all up.”

Do-si-do leaned even farther forward in his seat, a huge smile on his face. “You have access to the full database?”

“You can find the others!” Sevenset completed, a similar smile on his face as well.

There was a pause. Do-si-do was starting to think Commander Sixes just liked the drama they created. In fact, judging by how he had yet to show his face and was wearing all black armor, it seemed Commander Death was fond of the dramatic in a few ways. “In theory, sure.”

“Yes! Oh, fantastic,” Sevenset went on, rubbing his hands together. “You can tell us where they’re stationed--”

“If they’re still alive,” Trees added in. He had a point.

“--and then we can find them!”

The commander’s helmet tilted, his expression hidden. “I’m guessing Fox declined membership,” he said.

Do-si-do snorted a gain, and Trees and Loops both smiled. They all remembered Sevenset’s story of trying to recruit Commander Fox to be number ten for their little group.

“If by ‘declined membership’ you mean, ‘shipped me out to Kamino for someone else to deal with,’ then yes,” Sevenset answered. “He declined.”

“Maybe you can ask him,” Loops said.

“Hey, yeah--”

“No.” The commander’s tone didn’t leave much room for argument, but that had never stopped Sevenset a day in his life, and Do-si-do was more than content to sit back and enjoy the show.

“But you’re his big brother, right? You can drag him into things--”

“I’m not a damn recruiter, ARC, now stand down.”

The effect was instantaneous. They all recognized a CO’s “talk back and you’ll be cleaning ‘freshers for the next month” voice. Combined with Commander Sixes’ already awe-inspiring reputation, his order shut them all up. Trees once again straightened to attention, and this time they all joined him, even Sevenset.

“Understood, sir,” he replied. Do-si-do could see the new training in him now. Sevenset wouldn’t be an ARC if he didn’t know when to drop the comic act, but the speed and discipline with which he’d done so just now was different.

The commander waited a second or two, then he nodded once. “At ease.”

They relaxed, mostly. It was hard to ignore the mood shift that had taken place. As cool as it was having a commander in the club… there were some obvious issues that needed addressing if this was going to remain a “just for fun” place.

Do-si-do found himself as the one breaking the uneasy silence. “But… you can help us find where the others are stationed, right, sir?”

The commander’s helmet dipped. “Yeah, I can do that.”

“Can you do that… now?” Sevenset ventured.

The commander’s helmet tilted to one side, and it looked like he sighed. “Fine.” The others perked up. “But, I can only find their assignments, not their current locations.”

“We can work with that,” Do-si-do agreed, and the others nodded along. “Who’s writing this down?”

“I can!” Sevenset volunteered.

Trees reminded him, “Your handwriting is entirely illegible. Even to you.”

“Yes, but now I have a datapad. I can type all my notes.”

“I’m just going to start talking if you boys don’t figure it out,” the commander warned.

“Okay, okay, fine, Trees can copy it.”

Trees’ organization skills would always beat out Sevenset’s anyway. Maybe ARC training had fixed that, though. Trees shifted around, grabbing what he needed, then looked up and nodded when he was ready.

The commander’s helmet tipped down to look at something--presumably a datapad--as he spoke. “CT-4444 is with the Marines under Bacara. Probably has limited contact availability depending on the mission. Infrequent leave.” Do-si-do’s eyebrows raised, and he glanced at Sevenset and Loops. They hadn’t been expecting a tactical rundown of each person. But… they wouldn’t complain. “CT-27-5555 is the only ‘fives’ trooper in the GAR. He’s one of Rex’s freaks, so good luck getting your hands on him.”

“That’s the five-oh-first, right?” Loops asked. “Torrent, or something?”

“Yeah. Rex’s freaks. I’m sure he’ll fit right in.” Do-si-do smirked. He probably would. “And CT-9999 is with Ghost Company in the two-twelfth. Pretty decent chance he and number five have run missions together. Or will in the future, anyway.”

“Is there a CT-0000?” Loops wanted to know.

“What about eleven-eleven?” Sevenset added.

The commander glanced up at them, then back to his materials. “Yeah, the one-eighteenth has a CT-0000. Didn’t find an eleven-eleven, though.”

Do-si-do frowned. “Not even a casualty report?”

“No.”

“But… he could still be on Kamino, right?” Trees said. “Cadets don’t show up in the main database until they graduate and deploy.”

The commander nodded. “He could be a cadet.”

“I could look,” Sevenset offered. “I mean. I live here now, so I should be able to find out if a CT-1111 exists. It’ll just take a bit longer.”

“Yeah, we’ll figure it out,” Do-si-do nodded. “In the meantime,” he continued, leaning forward, “who’re we going after first?”

Ta-daaa!! @blsmjoon @nintendolover13-ts4 (I couldn’t tag your side blog sorry) @alamogirl80 (idk why I can’t tag you either ;-;) @23-bears @theultimatesandwich

#my writing #my fanfic #clone ocs #number lads #numbers gang #tcw fanfic #sixes my beloved #I love how min started that tag #and like #three other people have started using it #sixes bein all mysterious oooo #not taking off his helmet ooooo #I finished this #then realized #I've put sevenset and fives #right in the battle of kamino #WHOOPS #lol

[khaleesiofalicante]

HI, IT'S ME! YOUR LOCAL CHAOTIC WEIRDO!!!!! I'M BACK AGAIN LIKE I AM TWICE EVERY WEEK

IT'S MY BOY DAVID THIS TIME! WHY AM I SO HYPER! MAYBE BECAUSE THEY KISSED! AND I HAD TO SUPPRESS MY SCREAMS BCAUSE IM IN CLASS AND THE REST OF MY FAMILY IS OUTSIDE MY DOOR (NOT LITERALLY OFC)

OK OK OK OK OK OK

MAX AND DAVID ARE AT THE LONDON INSTITUTE YESYESYESYES

He rather liked that part in a story – when the hero fell, and everything seemed bleak. It always meant that hope was just around the corner. Because darkness never lasted. It was always followed by light. There was nothing more beautiful than that kind of sunrise.

THIS

I literally live my life by this analogy

AHHH DAVID IS ON HIS TRAVEL YEAR AND MAX IS WITH HIM

SCREAM

well i can't scream because my mom is sitting right there and I have class in 4 minutes so imma smile really wide

“Are you planning to read the entire library during your travel year?” Max chuckled.

“Of course not,” David replied. “I will need longer than a year to accomplish that goal.”

Me.

Wait

does max not being able to make portals have something to do with his lineage?

like

demon parent

ok so my programming class started 2 minutes early but screw programming I'm gonna be studying minds not this shit

ok that's a very bad attitude for someone who needs good grades in this year

Max was always hungry.

this is so me

KIT

KIT

KIT

KIT

KIT

KIT

TY

THEY MENTIONED TY

also if David doesn't become an institute head in the future THEN WHAT'S THE POINT

“Where is the kitchen?” Max interrupted.

max is such a mood

He had told Max that he had centuries to perfect his magic, that there was no need to rush it. Max had given him a noncommittal nod and nothing more.

HE'S GONNA MAKE THE BEST PORTALS YOU'LL SEE

“I won’t tell the Consul,” Kit winked.

At the mention of the Consul, David straightened up. He had been trying to get into Alec Lightwood’s good graces for years now. He didn’t think sharing a room with his son would do him any favors.

DAVID UDUCDFUHKDUHVUHSDH

PLEASE IF WE DON'T GET A CUTE ALEC AND DAVID SCENE SOON

KIT CALLED TESSA MOM

oh my god

Word was that Mr. Herondale had gone back to his obsession with brewing tea.

JACE

I have so many emotions right now but all I'm gonna say is that I'm so so proud of Rafael

“Do you not want to sleep with me?” Max asked.

UH-

WELL-

DAVID STOP THINKING ABOUT THE FUTURE AND ALL THE SHIT

STOP IT

OH MY GOD THE ONE BED TROPE

MAX IS IN HIS ARMS I'M ABOUT TO-

takes a deep breath don't scream. everyone outside this door thinks you're taking programming class

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE JUST GET TOGETHER ALREADY

AWW JULIAN PAINTED PORTRAITS FOR THE INSTITUTE

The one of Will Herondale and Tessa Gray – A love that had transcended reality and lasted a lifetime.

The one of James Herondale and Cordelia Carstairs – A love that had started with a lie and then blossomed into nothing but happiness and devotion.

The one of Lucie Herondale and Jesse Blackthorn – A love that had been so powerful that it rewrote the past.

The one of Jace Herondale and Clary Fairchild – A love that had walked through hell and shaken up the heavens.

And then there the final one. The one of Kit Herondale and Tiberius Blackthorn – A love that had survived distance and darkness and doom.

This omg...

He wanted a love story. The kind he read in the books. The kind he saw in these portraits.

But he wasn’t a Herondale. He wasn’t sure if he was destined for that kind of love.

HEY

DON'T THINK LIKE THAT

The first part though

same

He might have been a little too excited. It was biologically impossible to control yourself when you find a stranger reading your favorite book in the whole world.

SO TRUE

“I see you already made a new friend,” Max said.

He sounded a little…odd. As if he was not pleased that David had made a new friend.

honey...

take a guess

can I jump in and bash their heads together?

“You are thinking of conjuring chocolate syrup, aren’t you?” David chuckled.

“How do you always know what’s on my mind?” Max chuckled back.

Because I know you, David wanted to say. I just wish I knew what’s in your heart too.

OH MY GOD I CANT WITH THIS

“You get chocolate syrup! You get chocolate syrup! You get chocolate syrup!” Max was yelling, standing on the chair.

They residents laughed harder, and David shook his head fondly. He hoped one day Max would pursue a career in theatre. He was a born showman.

can I have chocolate syrup?

also, the way David is just so fond of him like DYUSDGYJCDYUJM

“By the angel, do you have to be a drama queen about everything?” the boy next to them muttered – not so quietly.

David blinked. That was uncalled for.

But Max being Max was completely unfazed. “Of course I do. My Bapa would be personally offended otherwise.”

exactly you rude little shit

Max often pretended like people’s words didn’t hurt him - just as he pretend that fire doesn’t burn or wounds don’t bleed.

wow ok stop calling me out

Is max jealous??????

is he??????

how are people so good at languages like damn

TY

TY

TY

TY

“Oh my god,” Max groaned. “Is he already telling people to check on me?”

LMAO

using mundane medicine...

that's risky

but it's also something that WILL help

can't warlocks tamper with the blood samples?

A part of him wondered if that’s why he had agreed to send Max away to London – at least for a week. Because sometimes you didn’t want other people to see you were hurting.

alec I really goddamn hope you're dealing with this well

some of whom had even decided to die than get help from a warlock.

alright then gets my knives but you chose this :D

Nobody brought a book down for breakfast if they didn't like to read.

yes but sometimes also to seem busy so people won't bother you or you won't look alone.

“I know,” the boy said as he walked past them to the gate. “I sat on the stairs and thought about life for a few good minutes.”

his family is the one who took over David's previous institute (i can't spell that. marse- marselli- wat??) methinks.

The gang always visited whenever all of them were in the city together. They would have so much fun! Of course, the 'fun' mostly entailed Rafael stopping Georgia from drinking random potions she found in the stalls, Selena stopping Lexi from opening a psychic booth to help people talk to Raziel and of course David stopping Max from running to the gambling booths.

LMAO, I CANT WITH THIS-

Rafe: I am anxiety.

me at any given moment

EW TESTICLES HE'S EATING THOSE-

ok maybe I'm the only person who's really picky when it comes to food and doesn't eat the majority of things

“Anything on Magnus Bane?” Max asked.

“No,” the woman snapped and shoved some of the letters into a bag and hide it under the table. “Leave Magnus Bane alone!”

“Appreciate your loyalty,” Max winked at her and started examining a diary.

I like her.

"Everyone should be participating in this" -my programming teacher

me, an intellectual: participating in what?? goes to the class web THE FUCK IS THAT

“Something for the shadowhunter?” the woman smiled. “Perhaps an unpublished snippet from the Beautiful Cordelia?”

“Do you have any love letters?” David asked.

“Hmmm,” the woman went through the pages. “I do have a correspondence between an Iblis demon and Christopher Lightwood? Would you be interested in that?”

if u don't mind I would love to see both of those-

you know I just remembered I have a computer assignment I need to submit by the end of this week fml

“Never fall in love with an immortal,” she giggled again. “We don’t like staying in one place.”

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

MAX WHERE ARE YOU

why are we using x and 3 in programming class what the heck is going on

“I’m not just some warlock,” Max said, his voice low. “I’m Magnus Bane’s son.”

GIVE HIM THAT NECKLACE BACK

we usually have programming once a week on our physical school days and those are fun because my and my friend are continuously passing notes and talking to each other through writing

The scene where Max fought off all the evil people who tried to steal his valuable belonging. He would fight without breaking a sweat and throw magic fireballs at everyone and then get his necklace back. And then he would kiss David in front of everyone and it would somehow rain all of a sudden.

But life wasn’t a movie or a book. Life was just life.

life's boring

fuck life

I just heard a student ask "why are we not taking out the values of b and c" BESTIE I THOUGHT WE WERE DOING PROGRAMMING AND NOT ALGEBRA?????

“I know there wasn’t anyone to protect you before,” Magnus Bane had said. “But we are here now. We will protect you. This will protect you.”

He hadn’t wanted it back then. He didn't even want it even now.

He didn’t want something to protect him. Most importantly, he didn’t want to cover his scar. He didn’t want to hide it. He wasn’t ashamed of it. It wasn’t a mark of a victim. It was the mark of a survivor.

So, David had smiled and given the bracelet back.

“I never wanted to be protected,” David had replied. “I only ever wanted to be loved.”

The warlock had smiled at that and given David a hug. It had felt different than other hugs he had experienced since he had come to New York.

It wasn’t just the magic. Magnus Bane carried so much love inside himself you could literally feel it through him.

I'm gonna cry during my programming class (where we're doing variables apparently all of a sudden??)

this is so beautiful

“I wasn’t talking about Bapa,” Max said now. “I was talking about the other one.”

David chuckled at that. “Oh, yeah. He is definitely going to kill you.”

what flowers would you like at your funeral?

so Jackson has family troubles

I've definitely got that

yeah I know what it's like to be jealous of someone else's perfect family

JACKSON WTF

Is he trying to ruin max's relationship with his family???

oh hell no

JACKSON THE AUDACITY

“One stolen necklace, One broken nose and One bruised cheek,” he said. “And you’ve been in London for less than a day.”

kit seriously? but is he wrong though?

“This is what I get for falling for a Lightwood-Bane,” David sighed and walked through the portal.

WELL AT LEAST HE'S SELF AWARE

Jackson...

in some ways, I can empathize with him. my younger self anyway. but Jackson this is not how you do things

There was a moment of silence and then Magnus Bane giggled.

“I do love it when the quiet ones go feral,” the warlock grinned.

MAGNUS

NOT.THE.TIME

(me too)

“David!” Mr Herondale gasped. “Is your hand okay?”

yup that's Jace y'all

David hated violence. He hated fighting – which he was often not allowed to say out loud considering he was a shadowhunter.

But it was the truth. He hated hurting people – or even things. It made him feel sick.

“It’s alright, Chouchou,” Mr Herondale ran a hand through David’s hair. “Next time, just-”

“Use my words?” David asked.

“Just don’t get caught,” the man winked.

and that is why I would never want to be a shadowhunter.

I know saying that doesn't do anything but when I first read tsc I wanted to be a shadowhunter really badly and damn that was some time ago but now...violence of any kind is my biggest trigger idek why. and I hate that so much because what kind of a person gets triggered by loud voices and fighting EVEN ON SCREEN??? I usually just push myself to watch stuff because it's dumb. I refuse to see trigger warnings before reading a book or watching a show because damn it, I should be able to stand those things I'm, not a child. and it may be doing me more harm than good but I shouldn't feel like this in the first place

okay...that was long

ANYWAY

“David, I appreciate you standing up for Max,” the Consul said. “But next time, please try not to punch anyone in the face.”

“Yes, sir,” David nodded. “Because it’s wrong.”

“Because it means more paperwork for me,” the Consul groaned and then straightened up. “But yes. Absolutely. Very wrong. No punching people!”

LMAO ALEC

Jackson...

oh

oh

oh

I was wrong then

He was grinning. Magnus Bane must have raised hell in the shadow market.

that must have been fun

Max was doing that thing where he was not trying to pout but he was mostly definitely pouting. It made David want to kiss him. But then the Consul spoke, and David reminded himself he didn’t want to be the third person to get punched in the face this evening.

well-

“I understand that Jackson has been through a lot. But that’s not an excuse for him to hurt those around him. I learned that lesson the hard way. So, you shouldn’t excuse his behaviour.”

someone's trauma and pain is never an excuse to hurt others

but that doesn't mean we should invalidate their trauma either

“You can stay back and try to help him. I won’t stop you,” the man got up now. “But if he tries to hurt you-”

“You will unleash hell?” David chuckled.

“Worse,” the other man grinned. “I will unleash Lexi.”

that is much much worse

Books brought him comfort in so many ways. Just holding one in his hands automatically made him feel better.

oh my god

he gets it

I always have a book with me when I'm out even if I'm not gonna get the time to read it because just the weight and comfort of it in my hands or in my backpack brings me so much comfort and helps with my social anxiety so much

no one understands when I try to tell them that

you get it...

someone gets it finally

AYYY IRENE

“David, it’s very sweet that you want to protect Jackson,” Kit pointed out. “But literally no one is buying that. Not even Irene.”

The lynx purred on his lap as if she agreed with Kit.

“I could break into a liquor cabinet,” David said a little indignantly.

David is the nicest you can get

David wouldn’t. Apparently, everyone already seemed to know that - even the lynx he had met five minutes ago.

we are solving something in class and it's really quiet because we're all doing our work (I'm reading the fic so-) and this one person had their mic open and they kept on whispering their steps and it was so weird I cant-

BUT YES DAVID IS A CINNAMON ROLL. EVEN THE LYNX KNOWS

“We were talking about shitty fathers,” Jackson pointed out. “You’re welcome to stay.”

“I’m gonna need something stronger than red wine for this conversation,” Kit chuckled.

I remember that bitch

David used to do it when he was a child. He used to pretend his life was a story. He used to pretend everything that happened to him was happening to some other boy – a boy who wasn’t real. A boy who lived inside a book. Because it hurt a little less when you pretend like it wasn’t happening to you.

But the pain was still very real.

OK YOU CAN STOP CALLING ME OUT NOW

“I fucking hate ogres,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Was your father an ogre too?” Jackson asked.

“He was more like a harpy,” Kit snorted. “He was always flying and fleeing. I didn’t know how deep his talons were in my head until it was too late.”

you really like traumatizing all your characters, don't you?

I really fucking hope the ogre got what he deserved

and if the angel is dead then fuck everyone

“I mean, there was that time when Sebastian Morgenstern turned my father into the endarkened, and then he went around killing people. So, I would say he was more like a zombie,” the man was explaining now. “The zombie father tried to kill me but my brother killed him first.”

“Good lord!” Jackson said in shock.

Kit chuckled softly. “Boy do shadowhunters need therapy.”

they really do

He knew about those from New York. He knew Mr Herondale and Miss Fairchild went for one together.

YES GET THEM THERAPY

“Yikes,” Kit chuckled. “I’d prefer something classier. How about London Boys?”

“None of us are from London though,” Tiberius pointed out.

“The Beatles are not actually beetles, Ty,” Kit chuckled. “It’s just for pizazz.”

damn guys

Then the idea of a band turned into a possible YouTube channel where they would react to cute animal videos.

YS DO IT

“When people do awful things, really awful things, at one point we stop being surprised. Like what Valentine did to his children or what our fathers did to us or what those women did to Rafael. We might have been shocked or disgusted. But it wasn’t unrealistic, was it?”

“I guess not,” the boy said.

“Even when they did the most unimaginable acts of cruelty, it somehow managed to fit into our imagination. We accepted that the world can be unrealistically cruel. The kind of cruelty we will never understand. But why isn’t it the same for kindness? Why is that when someone is too kind, we automatically feel uncomfortable? We judge their intensions or think they are just pretending to be nice. We think they are being unrealistic. Why is that?”

we get so used to cruelty that kindness feels weird

“But that’s how our life works, doesn’t it? It’s a giant ball of what ifs and could have beens and if nots. What if my father had loved me instead of hurt me? Could I have been kinder if I was hugged instead of being abused? Would have I been a different person if not for my trauma? Our lives are an endless collection of theories about our real selves. The one didn’t we never had the chance to become.”

THIS

I used to spend a bunch of time on the what-ifs but those are useless. so screw the what-ifs and live in the present

“I guess we’ll never know, Jackson. None of us will never know how we would have turned out if things had been different for us. We never got the chance to be who were meant to be. Instead, we became who we had to become to survive what we went through. We will never know our true selves. We only know the version of us that made it through all the trauma.”

“Christ, that’s depressing,” Jackson said.

“It is,” David nodded. “But we made it through. We survived. I think we should focus on that.”

you survived. that's what matters

“There is nothing wrong with wanting to be rescued,” David smiled.

I wish I had heard this before...

maybe I don't always have to be strong. maybe it's ok sometimes just want to be saved.

I'm so happy that both Jackson and David found each other

David had learned Gaelic. Jackson had learned how to play the piano.

They had laughed and lived and loved and learned.

And they had survived – one day at a time. The London Boys.

they survived.

I know I'm always key smashing and screaming but these words, these lines, all these chapters mean so so much to me.

“You’ll write to me, won’t you?” David asked, hugging Jackson closely.

“No,” Jackson replied. “I will FaceTime you like a normal person, you weirdo!”

David laughed at that. “I prefer letters. They are more emotional.”

“I’ll text you,” Jackson countered. “With emojis.”

oh to have someone write me letters.

I love writing letters

once at the end of a school year, I wrote little letters to everyone in my class anonymously. even the people who had been mean to me. that was like 1-2 years after my transfer to that school and everyone practically hated me but I wanted to do something nice because who knows what someone is going through. I ended up not putting them in people's desks...

I threw them all away :)

but writing letters is superior

I often write my feelings down and give the letter to someone rather than talk to someone

if you receive a letter from me or a custom-made gift...you have reached my ultimate friendship

oh my god. THIS IS HOW I SHOULD TALK TO ONE OF MY FRIENDS ABOUT MY FEELINGS

It's kind of been a mess between us and I want to talk to her but I didn't know how to.

this is why i shouldn't send asks-

JACKSON CATCHING UP ON MAX AND DAVID

“You know what it means,” Jackson grinned harder. “Also, if that wanker tries to break your heart, I will break his face.”

“You know he is the Consul’s son?” David giggled.

“I’ve done it once and I will do it again,” Jackson shrugged. “He better treat you right.”

"wanker"

I HAVE A BRITISH ONLINE FRIEND AND THEY CALLED OUR AMERICAN ONLINE FRIEND A WANKER

AND OUR OTHER BRITISH FRIEND JOINED IN

WHILE ALL THE NON-BRITISH PEOPLE WERE LIKE "huh"

Lexi had cut her hair even shorter. Her girlfriend apparently got something called an undercut.

“Just in case someone dared to assume we were straight,” she had winked at him.

how many years has this fake dating been going on...

CENTURION SELENA

fterA the twins went to bed, David stepped out of the institute and went looking for his heart.

"went looking for his heart"

OH FUCK I FORGOT TO JOIN MY CLASS

MAX STOP DEPLETING YOUR SELF GODDAMN

And then somewhere along the way, Max’s heartbeat had become the steadiest thing in David’s life.

Max, with all his chaos and drama and danger, had become the steadiest thing in David’s life.

oh my god that's a parallel from canon

“Tell me why.”

“Ain't nothing but a heart break!!"

Max-

Max could make fireballs that killed demons on the spot. He could summon things from anywhere. He could heal people with his eyes closed. He was one of the youngest warlocks allowed to visit the spiral labyrinth.

Max was a warlock in every sense. A good one. A great one even.

he is so talented...

Only idiots would underestimate Magnus Bane’s power.

EXACTLY

He is probably going to be Consul like next week.”

David chuckled. “Next week?”

next week????

“Yeah, his smoking habits,” Max rolled his eyes.

Rafael wasn’t the smoker in the family. He knew who it was, but David would never open his mouth. It wasn’t his secret to tell.

this keeps on getting better

“It’s my hair!” David laughed.

“And you’re my David!” Max argued. “I say you are not allowed to grow your hair.”

MY DAVID

MY DAVID

MY DAVID

“I don’t want to downworld-splain it to you.”

Max blinked and then laughed. “You don’t want to what?”

“Downworld-splain,” David mumbled. “It’s when shadowhunters explain downworlders how to be downworlders.”

they were SO close to kissing

I'm gonna get in there and lock them in a closet together and tell them to FUCKING GET WITH IT

Remember who you are. Remember where you stand.

remember who you are. remember where you stand...

I know this is supposed to be about portals.

OH MY GOD THEY KISSED

THEY KISSED

IM SO CLOSE TO SCREAMING CLASS AND EVERYONE OUTSIDE THIS ROOM BE DAMNED

OH MY GOD DAVID FELL

reminds me of when alec fell down the stairs-

OH MY GOD I'M GONNA SCREAM

WE'RE GONNA GET MORE MAVID CONTENT SOON I'M SCREAMING INTERNALLY UYDRVFY7VSDU7UYVFSDUYGCADUYIGJCDSHJKGDVCSUGISDVHVF

ok, I have a computer assignment to get to and tests to study for. BUT I LOVED THIS CHAPTER SO SO MUCH!! THEY FINALLY KISSED I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!

Also I know I tend to go off track and you can totally ignore that. i just go crazy. BYEE

This live blog gives me so much life you don't even know. I am go glad you enjoyed the chapter. I love hearing you rant about it. It's refreshing lol.

And I looooooove the lil anecdotes you share in between. Also wtf is a programming class like nobody wants to learn programme what kind of hetero nonsense I-

FINISH YOUR ASSIGNMENTS AND STUDY FOR YOUR TESTS I'LL SEE YOU SOON :)

#lbaf

[magicwithineleteo]

ok so below the cut is me addressing my feelings about the “drama” in the fandom. i would just like to mention that i am hesitant to post this out of fear of receiving backlash and being attacked/harassed by those who disagree. if you are as mature as you believe yourself to be, then please act as such and try to have a healthy discussion instead of just jumping on me for speaking up.

tw: pedophilia, bullying, swearing

i honestly don't have words for what’s happening in the fandom. i joined this fandom out of love for an amazing show, and was pleased to find a community of like-minded people who enjoy it just as much as i do. but i was not expecting this toxic element. i agree with the fact that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and they are free to ship whatever they want to. usually, i wouldn't give a fuck. but i do care when the ships are morally wrong. to reiterate, this is NOT a matter of opinion, this is a matter of MORALITY, which if someone wants to go ahead and say is subjective, at the end of the day, there are basic definitions of what is morally right and wrong. these ships are gababel and esteomi. (i am against cedfia too, however i’m not in the sofia the first fandom. only the eoa fandom so this is primarily about these ships.) i do not understand how one can comfortably ship these ships. at the beginning of the show, naomi is 15 and esteban is in his mid 50s. i don’t get how so many people don’t see the issue with that??? and at the beginning of the show, isabel is 10 and gabe is 18. again, a big issue. there is only one context in which esteban and naomi would morally work, if naomi was around pre-amulet. so by the time elena is freed, naomi is a similar age to esteban. but she’s not. regarding gababel, i don’t see how aging up isabel makes it any more acceptable. gabe has known isa since she was 10, i don’t think he’s just gonna immediately get feelings for her when she turns 18. that just sounds like a bunch of bs. other excuses for these ships are also a bunch of bs. dang, i didn’t know that not shipping gababel was because i’m not imaginative enough to think about the future of that ship. at least i'm imaginative enough to see that it's not even worth imagining because why would anyone even want to picture it? 

treating people with kindness and living by the golden rule means a lot to me. that people should be nice to each other, no matter if their beliefs clash or not. so why is it that when a young minor calls out these morally wrong ships, they are targeted? once again, this is a young MINOR. A CHILD. and not to mention, they were targeted by a bunch of adults. this child has called out something that’s morally wrong and adults came for them. i feel like these adults were aware that they are a child, but only to a certain point. they used the fact that they are a child to prove the point that they don’t know what bullying is, or that you were once in their shoes, an opinionated teenager. didn't know having an opinion was exclusive to teenagers, but i digress. however, a lot of you failed to recall that this is an actual child. not to mention, a handicapped child who has expressed time and time again how negative criticism affects them. at the end of the day, this context shouldn't even matter, because no one should be treated like that anyway. this child was bullied. this child felt invalidated and hurt. i don’t care what you think the definition of bullying is. they were bullied. imagine you’re in their place. a young (at the time 14 year old) who is receiving replies from  several adults telling them that they are wrong about pedophilia. you wouldn’t feel so nice either. their mental health went down because of this. you all failed to realize that this is a child, and that you need to be respectful to them. they are an equal member of the fandom, and they deserve several apologies. 

going along with this whole dialogue of age, i would like to point out that your age has nothing to do with your level of maturity, understanding, or comprehensibility of matters. just because someone is younger than you doesn't mean that automatically you are more correct or have the upper hand or whatever it may be simply due to your age. sure you may have more life experience, but what about your level of decency? empathy? awareness? sense of morality? these matter just as much, if not more. you can be 15 and wise and be 80 and be less knowledgeable. your actions and character display these things, not your age.

also with the whole “woke/woke teenager” thing. it's funny how it was said that buzzwords are being thrown around yet here we are, throwing this word around too. anyways, being “woke” is about being aware, having an open mind, and being able to not only recognize when something/someone is wrong, but being able to shed light on it and call it out. if you think i’m “woke” for calling out your pedophilic fantasies (which yes it is pedophilic i don’t think i need to explain to adults how that is so; and no, just because you aGe tHEm uP in yOuR hEad doesn't make it okay) then i’m damn proud to call out your shit. and i'll be damned if one of my friends or i get scrutinized for standing up and doing the right thing. no one deserves to get attacked for this, especially not with superficial strawman arguments that go after the person themselves rather than their “argument”/point of view. you can do all the name calling you want to, that does nothing to enhance your argument. all it does is shine a bright light on your character. and thank you for that, so we can see what kind of people we have in this community. it’s not about being sensitive or “woke” or whatever useless argument you want to use to steer away from the fact that you are MORALLY WRONG. i would understand if this discussion was about something lighter but this is so much deeper. this is not about “not being able to imagine/not being creative enough to imagine” i mean seriously? is that the argument here? that would be laughable if it wasn't as sad. what a substanceless argument that shows there is no viable justification for these ships. and it is not just about these pedophilic ships; it's also about how people are getting treated, specifically how adults on a power trip are attacking younger members of the fandom (wrongfully) with their petty posse of people. i mean seriously? can none of you (just a one on one not one of us versus your gang) have a decent conversation without needing your other friends to attack along with you? just childish honestly. and i wouldn't even say that because children aren't low enough to act like that. they are aware enough of others' feelings and know how to solve problems without hurting each other.

the fact that this is being deemed as “policing” and “telling the fandom at large what to do” is just ridiculous. first of all, no one is forcing our stances down people’s throats. second of all, who said you suck? you said it, not me. third of all, think of it like this. we have laws, yes? sure, the laws are written and yet some people still choose to break them. the law is enforced but yet still people have the option to follow it or not (even though they should follow it, duh). now say someone is breaking the law. would law enforcement be wrong to call them out on it? would they be wrong for charging them? no, because your actions have consequences. someone can “believe” they were not breaking the law but if their “belief” is objectively illegal and morally wrong, then by all means they should be called out on it. just because *you* personally don't find you shipping a 10 year old with an 18 year old (a fifth grader and high school senior for context) doesn't mean it's not problematic. and it doesn't matter if you're aging them up, it's still weird like why? it’s like you’re trying to justify pedophilia? and then you have the nerve to collectively attack ONE younger person who called out your foolery? this analogy was not to make it seem like we are the police of the fandom and are high and mighty or whatever, but simply to try and get across the point that just because *you* think it's not wrong, does not absolve you of it actually just being wrong. 

the way this matter has been addressed (and i wouldn't even say that because it is more like a one sided conversation/scolding where the opposite side of the discourse is either silenced because of fear or silenced after being attacked) has been absolutely petty, snarky, condescending, and catty; you really give yourself a sense of superiority over people because you are older and therefore more mature and more able to understand things on a deeper level? then understand this. handle this discussion in a more mature way. allow others who disagree with you to at least come to the table and share their feelings and see from their perspective. do not immediately pounce on them with your similarly-aged clique like this is some early 2000’s high school movie. it's funny because you are invalidating us by belittling us as just “high schoolers”, but if anything you guys are the ones acting like what you are projecting on us. literally bullying children. how depraved do you have to be to sit here and behave like this with actual children. it's funny because some of you actually have children and here you are, being a keyboard warrior for a pedophilic ship. is that the hill you are choosing to die on? at least try to open your eyes and see why we are addressing this. to your point, yes, you are adults. ADULTS. so act like it.

i would also like to mention that there is a big difference between notps and morally wrong ships. notps are ships that you do not ship because that’s just not what you like. an example of that for me is elenaomi. i don’t ship them like that, that’s one of my notps, and that’s okay. however when there are ships like esteomi and gababel, those are more than notps. those are morally wrong ships because they are pedophilic. i am not gonna call these my nOtPs; these are HELL NOTPS.

some of you are also big hypocrites. you say to scroll on, and to ignore it if you don’t like it. yet you feel the need to respond to things you don’t agree with. yes, it’s your blog, but if you’re not going to practice what you preach then, what’s the point? this reminds of the whole dialogue surrounding “if you don't like it here (your country), then leave.” this phrase is used to invalidate people who call out issues within their country, whether it be the societal structure as a whole, or the government etc. it's like you are only patriotic if you have 0 complaints and love everything about your country. you don't care if things are ruined; it's your country so you love it. in my eyes, true patriotism is when you are able to recognize and not be in denial about issues in your country; you are willing to not only acknowledge them as a problem, but are actively trying to address and fix it. similarly, i believe that you shouldn't have to just scroll on or leave the community because you are uncomfortable because of a genuine problem. why should we just be silent and accept what's going on? us scrolling on while recognizing the problem and not saying anything, letting it thrive, is being complicit. it's like being a bystander, and we are not going to do that. we want this community to be a great place for all of us to get along because of our shared interest of eoa. but that doesn't mean that these things should be excused or ignored. if you are having an issue with people calling this out, if the shoe fits, that's your problem, and moreover, you are part of the problem. i am not calling out specific names in this, so if you have an issue with it, then….hate to break it to you.

i understand that i’m usually a lot nicer on my page. however, i feel that i have been silent for too long. but i’m not a hypocrite and i know that i’m right. how people respond to this just reflects their character more than mine. i am a 13 year old child, and i am hesitant to discuss this because you guys did not hold back at a 14 now 15 year old. that is not okay, especially when this is supposed to be a loving community about a show that is aimed at children. that was all. please have some empathy, understanding, and especially respect.

#elena of avalor #eoa #gababel #esteomi #cedfia #please don't bully me or others for disagreeing with you <3