#yall KNOW i’ll never say no to talking about bees :)

[erros429]

bumbleby headcanons?

ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY

yang takes up a Lot of room when she sleeps. just absolute starfish, sleeping on her stomach, limbs completely spread out. blake is the exact opposite. she curls up, makes herself absolutely tiny. they fit Perfectly

their height difference is Perfect for yang to put her chin right between blake’s ears, so she takes the opportunity to peek at whatever book blake is reading at the time

later when they’re living their domestic lives and whatnot, yang INSISTS on staying chivalrous. she opens the door for blake, stands when blake gets out of her seat, holds her elbow out for her to grab when they’re walking together

blake is a master at shampooing yang’s hair

yang kicks ass when it comes to racing or fighter video games, but blake is great at first-person shooters and open world games

they get each other lilies during their dates and later plant them in their own garden in remembrance of their first kiss :)

blake KNOWS she and yang aren’t subtle with their flirting after v6, but yang thinks she’s being super discrete and very much not obvious. she is very wrong

ghira, kali, and yang get along SWIMMINGLY, whereas tai is a little wary of blake at first (stemming from his own abandonment issues with raven). he comes along in the end, but it takes a bit of time

yang and blake get married young, basically right after the war is won and most of the grimm have been taken care of. they don’t see a reason to wait anymore, and it works out for them. they even leave an empty chair for summer (assuming she’s still gone at the end of the series) right between tai and qrow. raven watches the ceremony from afar in her bird form, but doesn’t approach them

zwei is the ring bearer at their wedding!!!

i could probably go on but this list would take forEVER. so i’ll stop it here

#rwby #rwby headcanons #bumbleby #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #yall KNOW i’ll never say no to talking about bees :) #asks #anon

[caramelcal]

MY 500 FOLLOWER APRIL CELEBRATION

hELLO 

so if you don’t know, i hit 500 followers on tumblr (tysm my babies, i love you all <3) sO...here we are with a celebration

UPDATE: I WILL SLOWLY BE GETTING THROUGH THESE, I PROCRASTINATED TOO MUCH AND I’M STILL UNINSPIRED BUT THESE WILL COME I PROMISE!!! (are we honestly surprised???????) 

These fics will be for a number of different characters (5sos, marvel, teen wolf, jatp, ginny and georgia too? etc etc) and AUs (i.e royal au, demon au, tattoo artist au, college au etc...) and if you have any ideas do not hesitate to message me!

I LOVE GETTING IDEAS FROM PEOPLE SM YOU DONT UNDERSTANDDD

anyway, i have prompts that are below the keep reading thing so if you’re interested you can have a look at em :))

1. “the worst part of all of this is that i still love you’‘ - Prompt by @screnwriter

Michael Clifford

2. “Stay here tonight.” - Prompt by @ketxnwriting 

Marcus Baker

3. “You scared me!” “I scared you?” “Why are you creeping around in the dark like that?” “What do you mean, creeping? Unlike you, I live here!” - Prompt by @casualwriter 

Bucky Barnes

4.  "I just don't think this person's right for you, you should date someone better, someone who gets you, someone like-" "You?" - Prompt by @palettes-and-prompts

Marcus Baker

5. “Our parents are up there planning or marriage having no idea I already know, and now so do you. So listen here, because I have ground rules if you even want to try and make this work cause otherwise I’ll give you hell.” (Royal AU) , prompt by me, but inspo from @creativepromptsforwriting

Calum Hood

6. “Who are you really, ___.” - Prompt by a pinterest user (that’s where i found it anyway) if yknow who they are please tell me lol

Natasha Romanoff

7. “how do you think this ends?” - Prompt by @prompt-dealer

Peter Parker

8. “Surely no being of hell fears another” “and you surely don’t know how hell works.” - Prompt by @mellifluousoctopus

Calum Hood

9. “ “Can you show me your fangs?”  Prompt by @alloveroliver vamp au ofc.

Derek Hale

10.  “You never learn.” - Prompt by @whumpster-dumpster i’m thinking Gang AU

Michael Clifford

11. “I’m tired of being your secret.” - Prompt from pinterest (if someone can tell me the person that would be fab)

Luke Hemmings

12. “ "They’re cookies." - Prompt adapted by me from @greenestcoat​ (just so that it was speech)

Ashton Irwin

13. “Does this count as breaking and entering?”- Prompt by @floraltohru​

Stiles Stilinski

14. “Listen, I just want to sleep so if you would kindly stop blasting music that’d be great.” - me, i’m thinking new neighbor/roommate au wbu guys?

Marcus Baker

15.  “What did you just say?” - Prompt by @promptlywritingideas

Undecided character (you can request)

16.  "When was the last time you ate anything?" - Prompt by @creativepromptsforwriting

Undecided character (you can request)

17. “I can’t believe I get to spend the rest of my life with you.” - Prompt by @drink-it-write-it

Undecided character (you can request)

18. “ “You’re my boss, not my mum. Why are you so worried about me all of a sudden?” - Prompt from @write-it-motherfuckers

Ashton Irwin 

19. “Why would I ever want to be with you?” - Prompt by @prompt-dealer

Undecided character (you can request)

20. “All I wanted was a happy ending.” - Prompt by @promptedintowriting

Undecided character (you can request)

21. “Don’t give me that look.” - Prompt by @silvereddaye

Marcus Baker 

22. “You told me you were okay. You promised me.” - Prompt by @heartlesslywhumping

Wanda Maximoff 

23. “You’ve been staying out of trouble, I hope?” - Prompt by @serving-inspiration

Undecided character (you can request)

24.  “Killing isn’t supposed to be easy, you know.” - Prompt by @serving-inspiration

Undecided character (you can request)

25. “Humans. So emotional, so needy. I can smell it off you lot.” - Me ;) yw

Calum Hood

26. ““I know you think you can care for yourself, but I’m helping you anyways, so deal with it.” - Prompt by @wholelottaprompts

Undecided character (you can request)

27. “I’m doing this to protect you!” - Prompt by @screnwriter

Undecided character (you can request)

28. “Did you at least think about me or at least regret it when you had her underneath you?” - Variation of @tonaegiris ‘s prompt

Undecided character (you can request)

29. “You said you'd kill me, amongst other things. so you either live up to those empty promises, or you stop making them.'' - Prompt by @screnwriter

Undecided character (you can request)

30. “You- You’re letting me go?” - Me, ;) 

Undecided character (you can request)

Anyway message me about these besties, I wanna talk to yall x 

- Bee <3

#calum hood x reader #luke hemmings x reader #michael clifford x read #ashton irwin x reader #luke patterson x reader #theo raeken x reader #stiles stilinski x reader #derek hale x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #peter parker x reader #marcus baker x reader #marvel x reader #the maze runner x reader #teen wolf x reader #ginny and georgia x reader #5sos x reader #julie and the phantoms x reader #jatp x reader

[factual-fantasy]

I gots 20 more asks for yalls :}

That’s so something he’d try, but of course everyone around him would stop him because duh, that’s a sure way to lose a finger. XD

Oh, I’m sorry, but due to my energy levels being through the floor, I’m not really taking requests at this time.. <:{

Happy new year to you too! I uh.. wish I could say I did heh..

Thank you! However uh.. I don’t think I’m going to be up for drawing anyone's suggestions. My energy has been completely drained lately and I have no energy to draw anything other than things I personally really want to.

I’m not usually one for live action movies, or particularly scary ones for that matter. But I’ll keep that one in mind. :}

Wh-where you goin?? I didn’t get to say I love you too!

Hi, thank you, glad to hear that you like my headcannons. :}

Although unfortunately I don’t have much to say about what I think would happen after the incident. :{

Perhaps the crew would be a little shaken after hearing about Pesos broken flipper? Injuries like that are a big deal, Peso is basically completely out of commission until he recovers. And that might stress the crew out a bit, you know, not having their medic firing on all cylinders for a while.

And I feel like Peso would have to teach some of the crew, like Kwazii and the Captain some extended first aid because no one knew what to do with his broken flipper. He would have to teach the crew first aid and some other important things because he cant always be there for them when something goes wrong.

I feel like it would bug the Captain somehow as well that Peso broke his arm. Like, he’s the Captain, how did he let this happen? Even though the situation couldn’t be helped, I feel like he’d still feel guilty over it all somehow.

Kwazii would probably hover around Peso a lot too. He’d be so worried for his little buddy and would want to constantly check up on him. He’d probably play games with him, talk, do puzzles, whatever, just to keep the little guy company and help him feel better. Because despite how calm Peso seemed when it was first broken, I feel like it would freak him out later in. I know I would be too scared to move or even look at my arm if I broke it. Just the knowledge that the bones inside my arm are all screwed up would freak me out too much to do anything.

With Peso, I feel like he was calm because he was on a bit if an adrenalin rush, and after he calmed down I bet it really start to hurt. That could be why Kwazii spent so much time with him, he was just upset and hurting and just wanted someone to hang out with him until he got better.

A lot of artists seem to like fanart for some reason. I personally don’t..

It feels kind’a like you stole my character or idea and decided that you were going to do what ever you wanted with it. Which I know isn’t the case but that’s just how it feels.

It doesn't feel like a gift, it just feels like you stole something from me you know?

Fanart just doesn’t feel good to me, I cant understand why some artists like it. And I don’t understand why I don’t like it either, it just feels bad for some reason. Me not liking fanart is why I urge people to make sure the artist is okay with fanart before you draw something for them. <:}

Thank you, its nice to hear that you actually wanted to get all caught up heh.. Yeah I guess I started drawing a bunch of Octonauts stuff out of no where huh? When times get this low you just kind’a slink away into your comfort shows right? S’all normal.

As for going through a rough time? I sure am, we all are. I thought it was rough a few weeks ago, but now things have just come crashing down on me, and I cant even talk about it on here.

Thank you very much for all the kind words and encouragement! I really appreciate it, that’s just what I needed to hear. <:} ❤

I watched it, and man I cant wait to see what they do with that new gup! 

I was going to leave a link to the video here, but when I tried to go to the link you sent me the video had been removed..

As someone who is terrified of bees and other bugs, they better not come back.

Aww thank you! I’m very glad you like what I make! :}

I use FireAlpaca. Its a free art program that is simple enough that beginners can get the hang of digital art pretty easily, but has enough features to make some really complicated pieces. I’ve seen that you can even animate with it although I’ve never really gotten the hang of it..

Its got its weird quirks and there are a few annoying buggy things here and there that take some getting used to, but overall 8/10 would recommend. :}

Its interesting, although I don’t personally hold it as one of my headcannons, I have no issue with anyone that does. :}

Aww thank you, so far its been.. well terrible, but uh. hoping for a brighter future.. 

As for how they’d react to rain? Hmm..

I had this idea that the first time Bulkhead experienced rain he was out somewhere with Miko goofing around. It started to rain and at first Miko was just annoyed, thinking she’d have to go back to the base.

But then Bulkhead out of no where starts to flip out, he scoops up Miko, transforms and speeds away, all the while clearly having some kind of panic attack. He races to a nearby cliff and rushes into a little cave for cover. He’s rattling and is asking Miko questions like, “A-Are you okay? Did it get you?- W-We’re you burned??” Miko gets him to chill out a little and he manages explain why he’s freaking out.

Even after Miko comes out of cover and dances in the rain to show him that its safe, Bulkhead is still too frightened to go out there. He’s spent his whole life being afraid of rain because he knows that it burns you and can even kill you if you’re in it for too long.. So even though he’s being shown right before his optics that, clearly, its safe. That primal fear of rain is too much for him and he doesn’t move. 

They eventually called for a ground bridge and Bulkhead bolted through the rain and raced through it. He told the other bots about rain and how Miko claims that its safe on this planet, but that still didn’t stop them from experiencing that same primal fear when they came into contact with rain themselves.

There was supposed to be another time when Ratchet and Arcee were taking the kids home from the Base. Arcee had Jack and Ratchet had Miko and Raf.

They were almost into town when It started to trickle. Jack was surprised that it was going to rain in Jasper of all places, but he was also annoyed because he was going to get wet. But then Arcee and Ratchet both hit the brakes and freeze up. “Did you feel that?” Jacks about to ask “feel what?” when Ratchet says “Yeah, yeah I did..” Raf asked Ratchet what is wrong, but then the rain really picked up. Out of no where Ratchet starts freaking out, “RAIN!! GET TO COVER!!” Arcee and Ratchet Floor it for town. 

They rush into town and find cover in a run down gas station that’s on the edge of town. Ratchet’s alt form is literally shaking and Arcee is really freaking out. Both of their primal fears making them forget that rain is safe on this planet.

“Are you okay? Jack? Ratchet? How bad are your burns?“ Jacks just like “huh??” But Ratchet goes “I-I don’t know, I don’t feel anything yet, were you burned?” Jack tries to say something but Arcee goes, “No I don’t think so, Jack gave me cover, are you alright Jack? Were you burned?” Finally Jack gets a moment to talk and asks what the heck is going on. They explain that on their planet rain is acidic, Jack then stands in the rain to prove that its okay, but just like Bulkhead they’re still scared.

Miko gets out and jumps around in the rain to show that its safe while Raf tries to explain to them that its really only water. They’re both not convinced and stay put. Raf gets out, cups his hands together and collects some rain water. He brings the water up to Arcee and Ratchet to show them that its just water. He even drinks some of it to prove that its really okay and not acid.

This convinces Arcee and she slowly inches out into the rain, eventually managing to get into it. Although she’s still nervous, after realizing that its safe she encourages Ratchet to follow suit,

Ratchet manages to inch his way out too and they both shakily take the kids back home. They come back to base and tell everyone their story, but again, that fear of the rain cant be reasoned with right away. It takes a bot to experience it personally to help them realize that this planets rain is harmless.

With Bumblebee and Smokescreen it could’ve been just like Bulkhead. Out with one of the kids, it starts to rain, the bot panics and the kid calms them down and explains that its just water. With Optimus, I feel like a human wouldn’t have been around to explain it to him. There could have been a time where he was out on a solo mission and it began to rain.

Like every other bot, Optimus has this instinct to hide from the rain, so he does and finds cover. He contacts Ratchet and tells him the situation, Ratchet tells him that he’s been in the rain before and it shouldn’t hurt him. Optimus is still nervous but he steps out from undercover, sees that its okay and moves on without really mentioning it to anyone back at base. The very same thing could’ve happened to Ultra Magnus later on now that I think about it..

With Wheeljack? Imagine him, Bulkhead and Miko were out driving somewhere, Miko is with Bulk and Jackie is following behind them. It starts to rain and it freaks Bulkhead out a little but he’s mostly okay, Miko reminding him that its harmless. Meanwhile Jackie slams on the gas and swerves off the road into the forest. Clearly no one told him that Earths rain isn’t acidic.

Bulkhead follows him and finds him in his alt form rattling and tucked really tightly underneath a big tree. They’re trying to talk to him and get him to relax but he’s clearly stressed out. Miko climbs out, goes up to him and manages to talk him down. Explaining that Earth is different than Cybertron, and that their rain is not toxic or acidic. Its just water. He calms down enough to come out of hiding but he’s still clearly on edge. He sticks close to Bulkhead and doesn’t talk much for the rest of their trip.

I feel like all transformers, con or bot, had a freaking out over rain moment at some point. Except for soundwave probably, I think he’d feel a liquid falling on him from the sky and not react because it doesn't hurt.

“The Octonauts is a British children's television series, produced by Silvergate Media for the BBC channel CBeebies, and based on the children's books written by Vicki Wong and Michael C. Murphy.

The show follows an underwater exploring crew made up of stylized anthropomorphic animals, a team of eight adventurers who live in an undersea base, the Octopod, from which they go on undersea adventures with the help of a fleet of aquatic vehicles.

Although its technology is fictional, the exotic creatures and locations that the crew encounter are based on real marine animals in their natural habitats. The show's subject matter has been compared to that of Star Trek and Thunderbirds blended with Jacques Cousteau. The show was animated in Ireland by Brown Bag Films for its first four series. The show was renewed for a fifth series in 2018, with Canada's Mainframe Studios taking over animation work.

Two new "movies" have been available on Netflix only since October 2020: The Octonauts and the Caves of Sac Actun (which takes place in a cenote in Mexico) and Octonauts and the Great Barrier Reef (a musical)”

I feel like this quote from the Octonauts wiki does a better job of explaining it than I ever could. :}

I feel sorry for the poor thing. <:{

It was a Gup destined for greatness someday, but because of unfortunate circumstances it was converted into an artificial reef.

Its just like the old Octopod. Destined for greatness, just imagine all the adventures that ship could’ve had with the crew.. But because sea creatures got to it before they could, it was doomed to a life of darkness at the bottom of the ocean. 

I feel bad for those poor Gups and other mechs that just didn’t make it.. 😔

No I still have some bread left over, here  (╯°▽°)╯🍞 Sorry, it might be a wee bit stale.

Oh I bet he gets hurt all the time and tries to play it of a bit so he can keep running around. Usually he does something stupid and gets hurt and he’s too embarrassed to really go to Peso about it. Or sometimes the injury would seem insignificant to him or the pain is tolerable enough that he thinks it’ll just go away eventually.

Maybe Kwazii doesn’t really avoid Peso’s care on purpose? Maybe he could have a high pain tolerance? Like, imagine he does something kind’a dumb and as a result gets his arm got stick under the Gup-B or something. When he frees himself his arm does hurt a bit, but it looks fine to him so he just thinks “eh”. He figures that the Gup-B isn’t very big or heavy, his arm wasn’t stuck for very long, what could possibly be wrong with it?

He comes back to the Octopod and casually tells the Captain what happened. The Captain seeing Kwazii gritting his teeth and holding his bent out of shape arm like that instantly made him turn right around and go get Peso. Peso wants to examine his arm but Kwazii’s all like, “Nah its fine me hearty, Its probably just some bruising.”

Well, put his arm through an X-ray and turns out what do you know he broke his arm in three places.

And Kwazii’s just as surprised as everyone else that his arm is broken. He’s like, “It was only the Gub-B! Is it really heavy enough to crush my arm??” And the Captains like, “The gup was ON your arm?? Of course that can break it!”

XD I bet Kwazii gives everyone a headache.

Thank you! :} And well, its more innocent than you might think. People have wondered if they were self harm hints or something more dark like that, but really its not that at all.

You see, I’m a bit of a clean freak. I usually wash my hands up to 40 times a day, no exaggeration. I would usually wash my hands with dish soap, which really does a number on your skin.

So, washing my hands 40 times a day with dish soap, plus drawing on paper for several hours a day meant that my hands were so utterly dry that they’d bleed. My hands were always bleeding and covered in Band-Aids like 24/7.

All of this was going on around the time I made my blog and designed my little avatar character. I wanted to give my character something unique, like an accessory of some kind. Like gloves, a watch, a scarf, a bag, something. 

Then I looked at my hands and thought you know? What if this strange aspect of myself was added to my character? Its ominous, its unique, it looks cool.. I think I’ll do that.

So now my avatar has bloodied banged all over its hands. Later on down the road today I try to wash my hands a wee bit less and I lather my hands in lotion religiously now. So my hands are much better and don’t bleed anymore. But those bloodied hands are now like a trademark of my character, so I haven’t removed them,

Although with this new uh, “playful” cat I have, I suppose the Bandages now resemble my real hands once again haha.

I looked it up and I didn’t find any info saying that its common or even normal for cats to have just one baby. So its safe to assume that Kwazii must have had at least a few siblings. As to where they are or what happened to them?. Well..

The life of a pirate is a dangerous one. And I find it odd that with how often he’s mentioned his Grandfather, he’s never mentioned any siblings..

Perhaps... they’re.. you know.. dead? Kwazii’s Grandfather could be the last living member of his family. Which is why if he ever mentions his family or his pirate days, he only ever talks about his Grandpa. Maybe talking about his siblings would be too much for him?..

Man, I gotta polish that into a headcannon or something, that stuff is angsty as crap. Imagine if he was attached to the Octonauts in a way no body really understood? What if his old crew was like his mom, dad, siblings etc, and he mostly became an Octonaut because he had no where else to go after loosing them? Now that his family are all gone and his Grandpa is missing, all he has is this new crew. He would become hyper attached to his new crew and all of his care and tenderness comes from a fear of losing them just like he did his real family. 

#octonauts spoilers #my response #octonauts headcannons #transformers prime #tfp headcannons

[shattered-catalyst]

OCD Subtypes for the RPC

Part 1 is here

Well well well, we are back for Part 2 of the Roleplayer’s Guide to OCD.

Fellow Ocd Folks, I see you in those tags and I'm going to do my best to ensure those obsessions are represented here- BUT understand that physically it is not going to be possible to list every single one because I am one person.  Regardless its incredibly brave of you all to rb and add things in the tags, I know its hard to talk about this shit and I see you. I see you.

Resultantly I typed this out and posted it in formatting to assist with accessibility in mind; if you cannot read it still ( I tried Im sorry!) i recommend the copy and paste method or getting the chrome extension bee-line reader.

 There will be grammatical and spelling mistakes. Im sure spacing is odd some places, but you have to understand doing this is extremely anxiety provoking for me so Im just getting it done when I can.

Remember to use your critical thinking; not everyone has the same symptoms/compulsions/triggers and all that.

OCD is fluid. Its like liquid mercury. One day its a handful of subtypes another day its another different serving.

If you are in general squicked about certain topics even by mention read ahead with your own judgement. Remember us folks that have OCD have many disturbing and distressing experiences so if you are writing a character who has OCD and you can’t read about it just don’t give them that obsessive thought/ compulsion. Make sure writing is still a safe and enjoyable hobby for yourself first and foremost.

But ethically and morally I cannot and will not leave out the more disturbing bits. You have the ability to scroll by, I and many others do not get the chance to escape triggering content that our own mind creates.

So read ahead with your best judgement or at least skip around the squicky parts and educate yourself on what OCD is so people quite using it as a Obsessive Christmas/Corgi/Cat Disorder thing. Alright? Cool beans.

Okay so you made it passed post 1 and got under the read more. Give yourself a gold star for diving into this monster of a document.

Below is a crash course it is not meant to replace actual psychoeducation, personal research, or google. Honestly most of us do our research extensively but because OCD is treated so horribly by social media, media, and society in general.

I wasn’t sure where to throw these together because the education tools to learn fully about OCD are very specialized and thus very restricted. I found that many people DO have these experiences with OCD though so I will represent them throughout. I’ll also sprinkle some of my own experiences so you can get a good reference of a person who has the disorder and not just a randomly generated person.

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So OCD is made up of Obsessions, Trigger, Intrusive thought, Misinterpretation/feared consequence,Somatic and Psychological Anxiety, and Compulsions/Rituals.

Your character may not be able to list all of these. In fact if they aren't in ERP therapy they may not be able to puzzle these things out. But YOU as the writer should know them. Your character won’t be walking around talking to just ANYONE that they have OCD. Remember a huge aspect of OCD is it’s Shame.  The disorder makes us feel intense shame regarding our intrusive thoughts, as a result OCD goes undiagnosed for years especially if it has pediatric onset.

  We won’t tell anyone what we are experiencing or why we are doing x y or z. We act like nothing is wrong because to emotionally react is to admit to yourself- and therefore the world- that you have had this intrusive thought and are therefore by virtue a horrible person.[For further information I would suggest also researching PANDAS].

It may be noticeable if your character has an intrusive thought. They may wince or grimace or roll their eyes certainly, but they won’t open up to Joe at the cafe about how their brain is constantly torturing them. I apparently have a very noticeable eye twitch.

 Depending on the nature of the intrusive thought it will get more or less of a reaction out of me. Its usually dependent on how distressing the intrusive thought is and/or if its a new one.

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You see OCD doesn’t sit still. It never looks the same. You’ll have your long haul intrusive thoughts that are with you for years but then you’ll have weird ass ones that just appear and demand their voice be heard yelling about cars hitting people or squirrels getting eaten.

Some people have similar ones! So while everyone is different there will always be someone out there with an intrusive thought similar to yours.

 For instance; I bonded emotionally with a lady on reddit because we both have intrusive thoughts during storms that animals and the homeless are dying. We were both horribly relieved to find another person and also distressed that every snow or rain storm brings horrible images and whispers to your mind that while you are warm and snug in bed someone is freezing to death. And its all your fault.

Some days are better than others. As with all mental illnesses it isn’t CONSTANT ALARM BELLS. Some days it will be all alarms and other days it will be like a gentle whisper on the breeze. You can almost not notice it. Almost.

Obsessive thoughts run the gauntlet from ‘i will/could have/may/may accidentally harm etc’ something that you hold of value. This is any obsessive thought that you have: you think about repeatedly and not by choice, it is very anxiety provoking, it is unwanted, and unwelcome.

 Mine run the scale from ‘squirrel will be murdered’ to ‘being responsible for harm’.

Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object. In short, compulsions and rituals are not fun. they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder. 

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To emphasize from post 1: magical thinking and the faulty link between thoughts and actions are hallmarks of OCD.  Magical thinking can be anything from contamination to if I turn around three times or stare really hard at something the bad thing wont happen. Sounds weird and is weird and we know it is thats why its a disorder and not a delusion.

The faulty belief that thought=action is the biggest hurdle it is incredibly difficult to grasp, at least for me maybe some of you that have done further ERP can attest, that the mere concept of a thought not being the same as an action is completely and totally mind blowing.

Free will? Yeah thats terrifying. IDK about anyone else but free will is absolutely terrifying; what do you mean i could do anything i wanted?

Thats how you face OCD(WITH A TRAINED THERAPIST). You give in to ambiguity and the unknown. Its breaking that link between thought and action. Its incredibly difficult and draining. A five minute exposure leaves me in shatters for a week and two five minute ones had me ripping my nails past the nail beds with anxiety.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just a reminder: Do not have your character expose themself or expose folks with OCD to a trigger to “ help us get over with”. That is literally forcing someone with a mental illness into a break down and is not helpful. In fact its worse because a person knows about this intrusive thought and they tried to make it real. More shame and some trauma. 

If you have OCD, more likely than not a family member or significant other has tried this with the purest of intentions. But it never works like that. Theres a reason that therapists get special training for this. If people want a post on ERP I can make one at some point. 

------------------------------------------------------------------

Actually let’s drag me with the squirrel thing as the example- fellow OCD Folks get out a pen and paper and try breaking down one of yours;

Obsession:Squirrel will be murdered

Trigger: seeing a squirrel

 Intrusive thought: Graphic images of a squirrel being murdered by a hawk/ impaling depending on the day

Misinterpretation/feared consequence: Squirrel will be killed and its all my fault

Somatic and Psychological Anxiety:intense anxiety, palms sweating, heart racing,

Compulsions/Rituals: Must stare at the squirrel to prevent bad things from happening, 

Now imagine if that is every time you see a fucking squirrel. You have somehow become completely and totally transfixed on a squirrel and nothing is going to pull your attention away or the squirrel dies- which your mind is giving you lovely images of btw.

Cute right?

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Below are the subtypes with general information/example thoughts/ and how some of these have impacted me socially because apparently some people dont understand that mental illnesses impact their social lives?? yall...

Social: This can range from ‘ i am constantly thinking i did something wrong so i have to ask for reassurance that we are still friends’ to completely unrealistic worries. Maybe its an intrusive thought that ‘ your voice is annoying them’ . There’s reassurance seeking, internal and external checking.

 It makes friendships extremely difficult and exhausting. You’re not trying to get to know someone with an annoying frat boy egging on anxiety in your brain. This can also manifest as having strict rules for yourself and ethical codes. 

My therapist likes to say she could give us (folks with OCD) a pile of hundred dollar bills and come back and they’d all be returned. Because OCD makes you so strict and morally confined. Which ISNT fun. Like I dont get pleasure over having to memorize the entire Code of Conduct!

Social Media: Its the bane of human existence some days and a lifeline the next. But what if everytime your follower count was an odd/even number it sent you into a panic attack. What if you spent all your time with intrusive thoughts that somehow someone misinterpreted a post or that someone is going to be harmed by a post you made about tapirs. 

You may be forced to block people to get your number down or keep pornbots on your blog to keep your number what you like (see there is a use for them! We sacrifice those before actual users!) You may be refreshing your page every second because ‘what if you miss a message’. It's going to look a lot like ‘check check check check reassure yourself double check your posts check check check reassure check check FALSE MEMORY check your post etc’

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Clothing/Body Image: When its not Body Dysmorphia it can be OCD. Sometimes this looks like I obsess about a body part and therefore I choose my clothes/hairstyles to hide those.  Some personal examples: as a kid I was sure that mind readers exist ( THIS IS AN OCD THING TOO I was so relieved to find that out) and that if i didnt wear  a particular hat they would see all these horrible thoughts and it would be revealed what an awful person I was. So I wore the same dumb ass bucket hat for a year (or more I cannot remember but it was a long ass time).

I was once so fixated on being given a compliment on my eye color that I wore sunglasses (even at night) to a summer camp. And if any of those teen girls in that cabin that stood up and mocked me in a crowded lunch hall by singing ‘i wear my sunglasses at night’ you all owe me 40$.

Even younger still I had intrusive thoughts. Like say, if anyone noticed I was female that i would be kidnapped so I chopped my hair very short. I altered my appearance to be very androgynous and even switched to walking more masculine. Because omg if your hips move someones going to kill you thats just how it works. ( It doesnt help I later figured out I was a lesbian)

Your wardrobe may be impacted by OCD and yes so can your body image.

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Also yes the fear of mind readers is also a thing; i always thought I was somehow faking OCD because yes that is also a…..

Faking: Do you value telling the truth? Do you detest lying ? Boy Howdy do I have some news for you. OCD is going to try and convince you that YOU LIED. Whether it was on a chastity pledge to get a free sandwich or in a conversation you just HAD. This links a lot with false memory OCD.

Another aspect is OCD makes us doubt we have OCD and tries to convince us we have any other diagnosis under the sun and we are obviously faking our OCD.

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Sexual Orientation OCD; It is as it is called. Sexual Orientation OCD is what happens when your brain goes ‘hold on what if you’re not this orientation what if you are THAT’. It doesn’t matter where on the LGBT umbrella you fall you will have OCD trying to convince you otherwise. From compulsive staring at members of the same/opposite gender to compulsively reassuring or checking with yourself to ensure that ‘ no no you are in fact THIS orientation.’ 

This can range in behavior from binge watching porn, staring compulsively to check that there is OR is NOT attraction,self checking past experiences and memories, analyzing your clothing and your lifestyle in painful and intricate methods.

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False Memory OCD; False memory OCD is basically your brain sitting you in a noir interrogation room, handcuffing you to a chair grilling you. It demands that you did *insert bad thing here*. This can range from anything from something Harm based to pretty much *anything* from other OCD subtypes. Which is quite delightful really.

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Sensorimotor OCD; Sensorimotor OCD is obsessive body responses. These can be ‘ I have to cough really hard and really feel it right in my chest and if I can’t get it right I have to cough until I do’. This can be counting your heartbeats. Trying to check yourself that you in fact have a heart and checking and reassuring that it is still beating. It can be hyper-awareness of swallowing or even swallowing repeatedly. It is anything with selective attention; ie its an automated process but your OCD is forcing you to be aware of it.

Your OCD makes you aware of the sensation of, say, breathing, and then it convinces you that if you stop paying attention to it you will stop breathing. So now you’re horribly aware and focused solely on breathing and breathing alone. It keeps me up most nights with the pounding anxiety fueled by the pressure of ‘if you stop focusing on breathing you will stop breathing completely’ or waiting to feel that last heartbeat in your chest. 

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Existential OCD; You ever feel existential ? Existential OCD is like having a very aggressive existential crisis that turns you into NEEDING answers IMMEDIATELY. This can look anything from hours panic scrolling the net to panic inducing anxiety because you don't know what happens after death. The thoughts are like foghorns on a misty sea.

This sounds basic and the only example i can give is as a teeny tiny 7 year old I had a panic attack in bed screaming that ‘ what if im a dinosaur and im asleep and i wake up and my whole family is GONE’.

To be fair I did like dinosaurs a lot.

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Harm OCD; This is pretty self explanatory but I will give more details. Harm OCD is OCD demanding that you will/could/can/may have/might harmed yourself/others/any living creature and that you alone are responsible. 

This means anything from getting anxious driving over crosswalks because ‘what if you dont see one and hit someone and its all your fault and you hit someone go back and make sure you havent hit anyone’ to ‘im holding a knife so im going to accidentally stab someone’ to ‘ i didnt see my cat this morning and now im at work and think she must be dead and i am responsible for her demise.’

 It can be as simple as ‘if i use a pencil i will stab myself in the eye’ or as complex as ‘ i may accidentally say a slur’/ ‘ i am going to say this horrible thing out loud if i cannot control myself.’ It can also be images of terror or racist/sexist/ableist jokes in your mind that repeat like a broken record.

(Please note from section 1 that this is extremely anxiety provoking and not something you would do. OCD preys on what we respect the most.)

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pOCD; Tumblr listen the fuck up because I am tired of seeing people get called shit on this website for having this mental illness. People who experience pOCD are not pedophiles, they do not get any pleasure or benefit. The thoughts and images are meant to induce harm to the person experiencing them. Children are normally the trigger for this and the resulting images can be very graphic. Again you aren’t attracted to children- thoughts of them getting harmed hurt you so your OCD makes you see them.

Know this so you can advocate for folks with pOCD in real life. Remember we are here. We are suffering and we are terrified of your children.

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Poisoning others/or in your food; Life isn’t medieval anymore but sometimes OCD demands we have a food taster or that we obsessively worry that we may kill someone with our cooking. Personally I struggle with colorblindness so I am constantly fretful over cooking any sort of meat so it’s difficult for me to cook it.

 However this also comes as; obsessive horrible thoughts of your cooking kill someone or that you have somehow/accidentally poisoned someone’s food (even if you haven’t touched it or been within a foot of it ) or that someone has poisoned YOUR food even if no one has touched it except you. You’re going to be picking apart your food or unable to eat out at all.

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Emotional Contamination: It’s similar to magical thinking and this terrifying prospect of mind readers. Emotional contamination can manifest as anything from intense worry over somehow gaining someone else’s negative personality traits.

 Or that somehow by interacting with any role of someone horrible will make YOU somehow also responsible for the horribleness.  There is usually a person or a type of person that is a trigger, but it can also be location based.

 This is one subtype where magical thinking and superstition are apparent.  

For instance; as a teen if a male was in my space or had physical contact;like shaking hands,giving a high five, being in my room etc. I would have to go around and physically touch all the objects that I perceive they may have also touched as a way to cancel out their presence. 

This includes wiping off myself to negate even the touch of family members. It really hurts peoples feelings, my father was especially hurt by this.

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Physical Contamination: This goes beyond physical dirt and grime. Most of us dont have spotless homes because if you’re having a fist fight with your brain everyday cleaning falls by the wayside just like it would for anyone else. Physical contamination holds 2 things: physical contamination obsessions AND compulsive cleaning behaviors/rituals. We believe that a small amount of a contaminate can cover large surfaces.

 Oh, and did I mention its not JUST dirt/germs/viruses. The list is expansive but heres a mixed bag of what they can be: sticky substances,dead animals,glitter (FUCKING GLITTER),negative words or language,colors, numbers, surfaces in general, food, people, and activities.  There is also a hyper responsibility to protect yourself and others from ‘contamination’.

Strangely there is a magical separation between the contaminated world and the ‘clean’ one. Spaces designated as clean would be a bedroom/bathroom/workspace where you are most active. That space is where the compulsions and intrusive thoughts occur. Its not I MUST CLEAN EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. Otherwise I would be working cleaning houses because why the hell not amiright?

A real world example from a colleague would be a young man with physical contamination OCD is struck with such intrusive thoughts about cleaning that they refuse to allow anyone in their room or any animals in their home. But they are not able to even flush the toilet, take out the trash, wash dishes, or do garbage because of their intrusive thoughts.

The most famous would be compulsive hand washing but I feel it is important to also note OTHER aspects of physical contamination because everyone sees the hand scrubbing stereotype. 

Other compulsions include intricate rituals, not touching the floor (i played X-treme the floor is lava during college. I couldnt let my feet touch the floor because it was ‘dirty’),excessive showering (2-8+ hour showers guys, 8 hour showers. Thats what we’re talking about.)

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Relationship OCD: This comes as no surprise that yes you will have intrusive thoughts that you are somehow harming/ will harm/ may accidentally harm your significant other. Whether that be by physical or emotional means. It can look like ‘ I may have lied to her about how much I love her’, ‘ i may not actually love her and I may be leading her on’, and ‘ I must be corrupting her’. These can extend to certain physical activities with false memory OCD as a cherry on top. A great finishing garnish to leave you feeling absolutely dismayed and unable to trust your own perception.

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Scrupulosity: Religion! Whatever that may be! Its a thing with OCD.  With Scrupulosity obsessive thoughts run all over the board from; you committed a sin and forgot about it you monster to having to pray continuously/ a certain time/ until its right. What is right?Ask OCD that’s the only person who knows. 

We are fairly certain my grandfather had OCD because he went to church for every single Catholic Mass. Every single day. Every. Single. Day.  That’s not a healthy amount of attendance(I'm calling you out posthumously because I care Robert!). This can also look like: praying a certain amount of times. Praying until you do it ‘right’. Confessing every single potential sin. Cataloguing and dwelling over ‘sinful’ things. 

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Symmetry or Just Right OCD: Symmetry OCD is the runner up for ‘most likely recognized on tv shows’ award.

Symmetry OCD convinces you that if *insert thing here* isnt symmetrical or ‘just right’ (a magical position or number of objects that makes 0 logical sense) that something bad will happen.

This can range from the known; rearranging things. But it also looks like buying more objects until you reach the right amount and even throwing out objects if theres ‘too many’.

It can range from ‘the walls are percievably not straight so now i avoid that room at all costs otherwise i will be trapped traveling the edges of the wall with my eyes otherwise it will fall in and murder us ALL.’ to ‘ this historical bust is one inch off to the left and now all i see is visions of it breaking against the ground.’

So that is what I have time for. 9 pages on subtypes and basic information. If you find yourself wanting me information all of this is easily accessible online. So go, be free and dont ever compare people to Monk again. Write Batman and Scott Summers with OCD. Give us ACTUAL representation and not throw away joke lines. We are here. Our suffering isnt funny. We deserve representation too.

#OCD #writing help #OCD resources. #*drops 10 pages onto your dash* whoops

[winnipegpatty]

2020 Wrapped:

i feel like i just did this, bc everyone was all pissy, and i wanted to love everyone, but i’ll do it again bc i’m just like....i love love so? whatever. 

first and foremost: i have to acknowledge some of the people who no longer share fandoms with me but are still just some of my best friends even if we don’t talk every day all day. @steveswhitewolf @farfromstevie @justwanttobefound @dorotheuh Lu, Kali, Bee, and Tiana. I love you guys so much. You always have a special place in my heart no matter how close or far in fandoms we are or even in distance. Bee, I wish we could have had our yearly thanksgiving/christmas meeting but nevertheless i’m so glad i know you and im so glad i’ve had the chance to be in your presence as many times as i have. thank you for always welcoming me no matter how long it’s been since we’ve talked. <3 Kali, what the fuck when are we gonna see each other again :( when am i gonna move to philly? i have like, a thousand flyers hockey items now, so i’ll like fit right in. i love you, and i’m sorry i changed my url, but i kept the other one and now i have a whole entire sideblog dedicated to you, so i think that’s like cool (or incredibly lame, you can chose). Lu, thank you for being there for me through literally everything. Thank you for being that online friend that goes past fandom, and let’s me cry about real life shit and checks in on me when it’s been a while. ilysm <3 T, you are are such a lovely ray of sunshine in my life. I don’t even know what i did to deserve your devotion and love. i hate shawn so much, but like at the very least he brought me you so im okay with it <3 

now: god, okay this is gonna be a fucking novel i guess. i gotta acknowledge my hockey friends, and im genuinely sorry, i know i’m going to forget people (rayleene, i don’t even fucking know what your url is anymore so i won’t even try.)

there are so many, too many, good blogs here, so this is more related to people i love and now like, content stuff bc, like so many of yall have amazing content ( @pencilhoarders @art-and-the-hockeys @powerblais @heddy just off the top of my head) and i genuinely cannot remember everyone like, ever, so im sorry. 

@mathewtkachuk first and foremost the babe (read: bitch) that drug me into this hell. i mean, i suppose i asked for it but thats neither here nor there. isbah, i love you. thanks for being with me for the last like....six (seven? eight? wtf is time?) months. thanks for all the cute baby photos and videos. thanks for letting me rant about so much hockey shit that you’re probably so tired of me. thanks for helping me decide which merch to buy when im doing retail therapy lol. i just love you so much. please never leave me lol okay thanks, bye.

@captainkirbydach kels, even though you and isbah talk about me behind my back, i am happy we have started talking more lately! i enjoy your presence on my dash as well as the chats we have (Even if it started with like 99% Drama haha )

@jamesvanriemsdyk i love you i love you i love you. i love that you’re like so fucking exhausted with just Everything (TM) because you’ve been on hockeyblr for too long. and you always make me and isbah feel dumb af bc most things are new to us haha but i love it so much. 

@goalie-interference love you bub. thanks for being my ultimate encourager always <3 i literally probs wouldn’t be able to write without you lately!

@jonnysboy ciciiiiiiiiii! love you so much. our talks are *chefs kiss* your icons/wallpapers/headers are lovely. you are lovely. you’re so kind always, and i appreciate you. 

@ohnokonecny alexis you say you have like no friends here, but LIES because i am your friend haha. I love talking to you. I love chatting with you about writing and fics and whatnot. I enjoy our convos so much! 

okay, i know im 100% missing people but im sorry. im tired and also im taking a break from work to write this and i 100% need to go back to work so this is all for now <3 love you guys, thanks for making 2020 not so shitty

#friends #rach shut up

[enha-woodzies]

this is a mutuals mention game! u need to mention one or more mutuals that come to your mind at first when you read the following words (per word): flower, angel, love, chocolate, sweet, cute, gorgeous, fun, sun, moon and stars 💓

it's been a while since i've got another one of these... and i know i should just tag my moots but i can't go on without stating why cos there are valid reasons as to why i've thought of them that way. soo,, here we go~

🌼 flower :: @berrywoo i can't stress this enough you've always been a flower to me besides your name ofc and you're an icon of growth and genuine beauty. no matter how much people trample down on you, you still rise up with strength and beauty and humility. you show them your true self and how we all can be very vulnerable despite feeling all sunshine-y and you definitely put them where they rightfully belong. words can't even explain how pure you are 😘 i just love you so much

👼 angel :: @fluffi ayee pumpkin~ ma child <33 always exuding a bright beam of light and softness, a precious lil one 🥺 goal-directed and driven and what else? needs no effort to brighten up your day, it's just so easy with her that you'll end your day always full and happy :))) mwaa

❤️ love :: @en-amours besides the url lol i love how jo and i can go deep into our conversations and talking with her always makes me feel this kind of depth and solace + this sentimental vibe where just a mere presence of her can totally make you feel at ease. jo always have a lot to say abt things but they're usually not the general knowledge that you'll get from her. her words and sentiments often carry a lot of emotions and meanings. she's so raw with her thoughts and i loooveee that so much. i know we still have a long way to go to build up a much tighter bond but i can already say these with ease cos jo, you are a gem and i'm always in awe and in comfort talking to you 💛

🍫 chocolate :: @jakeysim gill, my babyghorl, she reminds me of chocolate mainly because she has a lot of energy and emotions 一 like a chocolate 🙃 you get that feeling when you take a bite off a chocolate bar and you suddenly feel a rush of different sweetness at once? like it may not look like it has a lot to offer but when you indulge yourself in it, you get a whole package maam. you get what i mean? like she's more than what meets the eye. she's not the typical "what you see is what you get" cos she's a WHOLE lot more 😉

🍭 sweet :: @en-sun wifey <33 ohh nani 🥺 mi precious luvv, always so supportive and sweet and thoughtful ughh might have ants biting me soon cos she hella saccharine sweet my teeth cant even >< she never fails to brighten up my day even when she was still my adorable emoji anon 🥺 she's just ultimately friendly and genuine, man

🧸 cute :: @chuunie aaaaa yuriii my other unofficial child lmao very very supportive and energetic and ofc, i cant leave adorable out now, can i? this loving being pls i feel like yuri's pretty jumpy in person and i would just shower this little cutie with lotsa hugs right away. cuddles >>> & @vrsace-niki my babykins!! very endearing and genuine 🥺 literally feel like biting or pinching your cheeks everytime we talk oh god cmere childddd i wanna wrap you up like a burrito and hug you so tight with my legs around your burrito body 😭

✨ gorgeous :: @entypens ooohh angel, my my, dont get me wrong all of my mooties are exceptionally gorg she a beaut and a gem, ya girl be slayin' all day and i'll be like "damn, that's my girl right there" proud mom right here yall !! at this point i cant keep track of how many children i have on this hellsite JFBHS

🤪 fun :: @soyatenada bee !! this person right here maam. very enthusiastic when her interactive mode's on. she's very analytical and deep too! such a great listener and a person with heaps of genuine feedbacks and advices. very curious and exciting like maam, your energy bar pls take it slow imma have to catch up JFHHS

☀️ sun :: @angeljungwon haziebub! she just exudes warmth and comfort 😌 it feels so easy and relaxing talking to hazel, like you can approach her at any time of the day and scream at her about something that made your stomach do backflips ykwim babe 😉 and she would immediately ride in the vibe and get along with your silliness or whatever... until the vibe dies out cos my energy is very limited pls im a hag

🌙 moon :: @miffythoughts eyyy miffy~ i totally loveeee miffy's appreciation to the wonderful, little things in life. i get that a lot of people do cos i myself adore little things as much as yall can imagine but there's something with the way miffy portrays those details and emotions. she just gets that feeling and i am in awe of how intricate she goes into describing these beauties. she's very deep and beautiful, inside and out. she knows what she's doing and what she's talking about and just... w o w her mind ykno 🤯 i kinda wanna live there rent free even just for a day. lemme peek through those intricacies you mold into masterpieces hun !!

🌟 stars :: @serendipitysung andiii, ma lifesaver andi HAHA andi sure is a bright jewel. she seems timid sometimes and in other times, she's loud. but she's just right 😉 she doesn't say much but you'll always have this sense of security and safety cos you know she's just right there beside you, no words needed to let you know that. i enjoy her feedbacks and appreciation and support towards my writing endeavors and how she's always so nice it feels like she embraces you in warmth and comfort that you just wanna snurfle under her chin and stay there because dang, feels so homey might wanna camp in here along with the sweetest aroma from fragrant candles surrounding around <33

#thank you anon this was really fun!!! #cutee.mail 💌 #tag games #moot.moots ✨

[goldenraeofsun]

‘cause right now you're mine

set in this verse

THURSDAY, APRIL 2nd

Dean 12:01 You didn’t tell me you led Carver Prep’s quiz bowl team???

Castiel 12:15 It’s in the middle of the school day and you’re texting. What kind of example are you setting for your students?

Castiel 12:16 I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t relevant.

Dean 12:17 Haha smartass I’m having lunch in my office Youre texting me back so i see right through you And of course it’s freaking relevant

Castiel 12:20 How?

Dean 12:21 Because I got tapped to coach Edlund High's quiz bowl team this morning!

Castiel 12:21 Oh no.

Dean 12:30 Oh no is right buddy

Castiel 12:37 I thought you coached the softball team.

Dean 12:37 I can do both You’re dating a very talented man

Castiel 12:49 I know that. I just didn’t know it extended to quiz bowls and softball in addition to blow jobs and breaking and entering places to give blow jobs.

Dean 12:52 What the fuck is wrong with you I’m in school! My lunch hour is almost over I’ll have to get up from my desk very soon This is all your fault

Castiel 12:59 :)

Dean 1:00 Just for that No blow jobs for you tonight

Castiel 1:07 :(

 MONDAY, APRIL 6th

Dean 11:55 I bet I can grade more midterms than you today

Castiel 11:58 I know better than to make bets with you, Dean Winchester.

Dean 12:03 It was just a kiss I bet you’re just pissed you lost

Castiel 12:04 I can’t engage in PDA in front of my niece and one of my students at a school event!

Dean 12:04 Youre such a prude

Castiel 12:06 Unlike some teachers, I maintain boundaries between my personal and professional life.

Dean 12:07 Prude.

Castiel 12:09 Did you text me on a Monday afternoon just to harass me about my reluctance to kiss my boyfriend in front of minors?

Dean 12:11 Huh Boyfriend

Castiel 12:20 Dean?

Dean 12:21 What?

Castiel 12:22 Is everything okay?

Dean 12:23 Other than *my boyfriend* refusing to even entertain the idea of a friendly wager?

Castiel 12:23 Yes, other than that.

Dean 12:23 No

Castiel 12:25 That’s good. You scared me for a second.

Dean 12:26 I did?

Castiel 12:26 Are you okay with being my boyfriend? The long gap between our messages made me realize we haven’t talked about it before.

Dean 12:27 I mean it’s a little weird My 16 year old students have boyfriends “boyfriend” seems a little I don’t know Juvenile We’re not 16 anymore, Cas Thank god.

Castiel 12:30 Would you prefer “partner”?

Castiel 12:31 It’s just whenever I hear someone call their significant other “partner” I can never tell if they are talking about their life partner, same-sex partner, police partner, or if they are cowboys. That was a joke! Ignore this. I remember how much you like Westerns. “Partners” is off the table.

Dean 12:31 HOWDY YALL THIS IS MY PARTNER CAS

Castiel 12:31 Please never introduce me to someone like this.

Dean 12:32 Only if you watch Tombstone with me tonight

Castiel 12:33 Can I still grade my midterms?

Dean 12:35 You’re killing me here Cas Yes

Castiel 12:40 I’m your huckleberry

 SUNDAY, APRIL 12th

Castiel 2:19 Good luck with the softball game today!

Dean 2:21 You’d better make it up for me for missing this one Its the semifinals

Castiel 2:22 I will. Say “hi” to Claire for me.

Dean 2:27 What the hell? Why is she here? We’re not even playing Carver

Castiel 2:29 She has a crush on Kaia Nieves

Dean 2:30 Ohhhhh That explains a lot

Castiel 2:30 She thinks she’s being subtle.

Dean 2:37 I see that runs in the family Subtle as a brick wall. All of you.

Castiel 2:38 Excuse me, you had no idea about my feelings for you back in high school.

Dean 2:49 So? Charlie said you were obvious as fuck But it didn’t matter since I was a dumbass

Castiel 2:50 I prefer oblivious Less dumb Less ass

Dean 2:57 How dare you My ass is a goddamn gift. You take that back right now

Castiel 2:59 Of course. Don’t you have a game to coach?

Dean 3:01 Shit you’re right

 TUESDAY, APRIL 14th

Castiel 11:18 I know how I can make up for missing that last softball game last weekend

Dean 12:01 Sorry The kids called me out for texting you 5 mins before the bell last time How the hell did i get stuck with a class full of narcs

Castiel 12:03 It’s probably karma For all the rule breaking you did in school

Dean 12:05 Hey I wasn’t that bad

Castiel 12:05 You frequently defaced school desks and returned library books after their due date.

Dean 12:06 I’m dating a narc too???

Castiel 12:07 You didn’t ask what I have planned.

Dean 12:07 OK i’ll bite What do you have planned babe? Please tell me it’s not another documentary on bees That was depressing The grand canyon one was cool though

Castiel 12:10 Speaking of narcs

Dean 12:10 This doesn’t sound good

Castiel 12:11 When I had to get my extra copy of Camus from my car, I stumbled on Miriam at the edge of the parking lot with a few more students. They were skipping class and smoking marijuana. Naturally, I reported them to the administration.

Dean 12:13 Not helping your not-a-narc case

Castiel 12:13 They received detention for skipping class.

Dean 12:13 And the drugs?

Castiel 12:13 I may have neglected to report the drug use.

Dean 12:14 Seriously?

Castiel 12:14 I still confiscated it. Research evidence shows marijuana has negative effects on the developing brain.

Dean 12:14 I guess that’s fair

Dean 12:15 Hang on Do you still have it? OUR brains are old as balls Seriously, are you telling me you have weed now?

Castiel 12:15 Surprise?  I can throw it out if you’d prefer to do something else tonight.

Dean 12:15 Dont you dare!!! I’m going to get a six pack on the way home, download the last Star Wars, and we’re gonna do this right Your place or mine?

Castiel 12:16 I have been neglecting laundry lately. Yours?

Dean 12:16 You’re on This is going to be so awesome

 WEDNESDAY, APRIL 15th

Dean 12:06 Did you really mean to invite me to dinner with your brother?

Castiel 12:09 I didn’t mean to bring it up when we were high, but the invitation still stands. Claire told him we were together. He wants to meet you.

Dean 12:11 Oh

Castiel 12:11 You do not have to say yes.

Dean 12:13 I’ll go It just took me by surprise

Castiel 12:13 I don’t want to pressure you.

Dean 12:14 Youre not pressuring me

Castiel 12:14 Are you sure?

Dean 12:16 Look, I just know your relationship with your brother is complicated And I don’t want to stick my foot in it By accident or some other way

Castiel 12:20 We’re in a better place than I’d like to admit. I spent a long time resenting Jimmy for the time he had with Father. But it wasn’t his fault Father was a bastard who had a second family he preferred to be with. Jimmy was barely in middle school when Father started going on his “business trips”

Dean 12:21 Jesus christ You told me bit about it back in high school But I didn’t realize it was a second family situation

Castiel 12:21 Mother kept it from us for years. I still haven’t forgiven her for it.

Dean 12:21 Are you OK?

Castiel 12:22 I’m fine. It was a long time ago.

Dean 12:22 That stuff takes a long time to get over.

Castiel 12:22 I suppose.

Dean 12:23 Is it okay if you stay at mine tonight?

Castiel 12:24 Our next date isn’t until Friday

Dean 12:24 I don’t want to wait until Friday to see you

Castiel 12:27 Can you pick me up at Carver at 4pm?

Dean 12:27 You got it More time with you and my baby Win-win!

 FRIDAY, APRIL 24th

Dean 11:51 Are you sure what I usually wear to school is OK?

Castiel 11:53 You texted me nine minutes early?

Dean 11:53 Shut up I had to bribe my kids For NINE extra minutes Friggin tyrants

Castiel 11:54 What did they extort from you?

Dean 11:54 I promised to throw out their lowest pop quiz grade

Castiel 11:54 That isn’t too bad.

Dean 11:54 I was already planning on doing it

Castiel 11:55 Clever of you.

Dean 11:56 You’re not just dating a pretty face But getting back to dinner with your brother Is a regular button up OK? The tie hides most of the sloppy joe stain

Castiel 11:56 I’m sure you look very handsome

Dean 11:57 I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not

Castiel 11:57 I rarely manage sarcasm in-person. What makes you think I would attempt it over text?

Dean 11:58 Good point

Castiel 11:58 You’re a very good-looking man, Dean. I’ve known this since we were 15.

Dean 11:59 Stop it you’re making me blush

Castiel 12:01 It’s the truth.

Dean 12:04 Alright, alright I’m already sleeping with you No need to butter me up

Dean 12:05 It’s just I remember how you used to talk about him The perfect big brother

Castiel 12:07 More like the perfect student and perfect son. Jimmy was honestly too busy to be much of a brother. The 11 year age difference didn’t help. When I was in high school, he already had the perfect nuclear family on the way.

Dean 12:07 Exactly

Castiel 12:08 Exactly what?

Dean 12:08 You’re lucky I know you And I know you’re not drawing this out on purpose Look, i want to make a good impression, OK? he seems like a hard guy to please.

Castiel 12:09 I That’s very admirable of you, but it’s entirely unnecessary.

Dean 12:10 He’s your family

Castiel 12:11 And I understand family is very important to you, but it isn’t the same with me. It would be very nice if dinner goes well, but if it does not, I will not care in the slightest.

Dean 12:11 Really?

Castiel 12:11 Truly.

 SATURDAY, APRIL 25th

11:16 I’m sorry for my dad.

Dean 11:17 Who is this? 

11:20 Claire Novak

Dean 11:21 How did you get this number?

Claire 11:23 Alex Jones

Dean 11:24 How did Alex get my number???

Claire 11:24 It was on the softball permission forms How did you not know this Didn’t you draft them?

Dean 11:25 It’s been a while I’m a very busy man

Claire 11:25 Sure. Anyway, my dad was a dick.  Totally out of line last night

Dean 11:26 Shouldn’t you be texting Cas about this?

Claire 11:26 I don’t have his number

Dean 11:26 Cas wasn’t kidding when he said you guys weren’t close

Claire 11:27 Nope.

Dean 11:27 Well I am very close with my brother He’s a lawyer out in California

Claire 11:27 Good for you???

Dean 11:29 It doesn’t sit right with me that Cas doesn't have a real relationship with his family

Claire 11:31 That seems like Uncle Castiels business

Dean 11:33 But Jimmy isn’t Cas’s only family SO if you ever need a place to crash, i’m always available

Claire 11:35 Maybe my dad was right And you’re secretly a perv I’m not staying with you you freak

Dean 11:35 Jesus christ, I’m trying to say, if ALEX isn’t the only girl on Edlund's softball team you’re getting buddy-buddy with, it’s fine You should get a chance to explore that part of being a teenager While STAYING SAFE But don’t let your parents stand in the way of that side of your life

Claire 11:41 Dad wouldn’t kick me out

Dean 11:42 Maybe not. But if you are at all uncomfortable, just give cas a call I’ll forward you his contact info now

 “I might have told Claire she’s always welcome at my place if she comes out to her parents,” Dean says as he pockets his phone. He turns his back on the pile of sparkling clean dishes drying on the rack by Cas's sink. Dean adds, “Hopefully she’ll ask you before she goes to me.”

They hadn't really discussed the disaster of a dinner with Jimmy and Claire. A few tense words on the drive back to Cas's house, a tacit acknowledgement in the morning not to mention it until after coffee and breakfast. But then Cas brought out his homework for the weekend, even while last night's argument scratches at the back of his mind like a fly trapped in a windowless room. So Dean did the dishes and texted Claire.

Cas looks up from his juniors’ final exams. “You were talking to Claire?”

“She texted me first,” Dean says defensively.

Cas sighs and caps his pen. It’s blue, because red pen, according to Cas, is too traumatizing a grading implement. “I’m very sorry about last night.”

Dean waves his apology off. “You warned me it could go sideways.”

Cas’s brow furrows. “Still,” he says slowly, “I told my mother and Jimmy I was gay a few years ago. I think it was easy for them to ignore it as long as I didn’t have a boyfriend in the picture.”

Dean fiddles with a dishrag as he hovers by the sink. “Was Jimmy a jackass to your other boyfriends?”

“What others?” Cas asks wryly. “None of them were ever serious enough to pique Jimmy’s interest.”

“Really?”

Cas nods and gestures for Dean to take a seat at the kitchen table next to him. He holds out his hand, which Dean takes, bemused. “I don’t know why Jimmy thought religion was an appropriate introductory dinner topic. I could tell he was trying to genuinely understand our… lifestyle, to use his word, but-”

“I got angry,” Dean says looking down at their clasped hands.

“You didn’t say anything I wasn't thinking,” Cas says simply. “I’m glad you reached out to Claire.”

“It seems like she needed it.”

“She doesn’t have a lot of adults in her life she can rely on to be in her corner,” Cas says diplomatically. “I’ve tried, over the years, but I can’t relate to her at all.”

Dean laughs. “Of course not. Teenage rebellion wasn’t really your style.”

“Ah yes, of course,” Cas says, his voice dry as chalk, “you’d be the perfect person to talk to her. The cool kids speak their own language. How could I forget?”

Dean smirks. “It’s full of references you don’t get.”

“Don’t remind me,” Cas says darkly.

Dean leans in for a kiss. Eyes dancing, as he whispers, “Relax, babe. You were always the coolest kid in school to me."

#destiel #destiel fanfic #fanfic #teacher castiel #teacher dean #established relationship #fluff #text fic #the story of us verse #profoundnet #rae writes fic

[ssvgawara]

Haikyuu characters as things said in the hhcu

a/n: this is pure humor and just something fun, the hhcu is wild and says stupid shit more than once a day so i complied a ridiculously long list of quotes and put them together in this list to share with yall so please enjoy, read more because again this is so long also pt 2. some of these r pretty nsfw so uh yeah <3

Oikawa: When he gives up his torso 😍 

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Nishinoya: Fisherman daddy

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Bokuto: I trust no condiments

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Osamu: YELLOW BAD OIKAWA IS NOT ALLOWED IN MY KITCHEN

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Tendou: Give ass in shiratorizawa?

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Atsumu: Garlic air freshener

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Nishinoya talking about his sex life: ITS THE GOOD OL FASHIONED POW POW GRUNT GRUNT WINDOW WASHER ULTIMATE FRISBEE DICK CONNECTOR 

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Hinata: thank you!! also my oven melted??? and caught on fire 😰 

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Yaku probably thinking abt kuroo while saying this: not gonna front im terrified of the live action grinch and if i ever see him its on sight

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Kageyama: Except that one mustard faze I had

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Lev after yaku kicks him yet again: NO INCH ACTIVE INCH VERY ACTIVE

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Suga after Kiyoko holds his hands: premarital eye contact is already a sin

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Iwaizumi realizing Oikawa probably wouldn’t know the difference between hawaiian rolls and milk bread: when he says hit it till it breaks, he means the packaging of hawaiin rolls

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All of Seijoh to Oikawa: You know whats really sexy? Self care.

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Hoshihumi: like a three year old. still baby but also evil at times🤡 

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Oikawa right before his death: "MORNING HAJI!~" slaps tiddie

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 Anyone falling on love with haikyuu boys: hey a good reverse harem never hurt anyone

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Idk who says it but terushima would do this: places his hand to my heart but then hes like heh heh boob squishy

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Tendou: centrepical force saved my bag of chocolate!!

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Lev thinking it was a literary masterpiece: *reads about a fourth of the bee movie*

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Hinata making fun of Kageyama: milk is better than the feeling of the ball touching your fingertips during a perfect set

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Hinata and Kageyama failing tests: thats just the dumbass in me babey!!!

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Atsumu simply trying to annoy Osamu: Are y’all meaning to tell me you DON’T take your raw chicken on walks through the city?

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Yahaba: PUSSY ALWAYS LEAVES

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Mattsun just to annoy everyone: yall ever think about how in the 50s and 60s they just put raw hotdogs or shrimp into jello and ate that shit and enjoyed it???

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Suga: i am now crying and my boyfriend is concerned and i can’t tell him that I’ve lost my husband and children

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Kenma; Smh my head

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Bokuto: Sorry not all of us can have double decker extra stuffed bottoms up extra large super sized t n a like me🥰🥰💅💅

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Everyone to bokuto: titty enthusiast ✨✨

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Me to kuroo: sorry babe youre a scorpio you dont have any rights anymore

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Tendou: i accidentally lit a  baby on fire

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Atsumu: This feels real human centipede

Bokuto: theyre not ass to mouth

Atsumu: Close enough

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Bokuto when a minor inconvience happens: Why are we still here? Just to suffer? Every day, I wake up....

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Sakusa: Remove your lips from my penis

Atsumu: I use a gluestick as chapstick i cant

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Goshiki: Arson or boot in my book, set fire to something live a little

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Tsukishima: I don’t like recieving pain. It hurts

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Kenma annoyed w kuroo: Put your dick in the fucking catfish’s pussy then

Kuroo being annoying: How deep is catfish pussy

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Makki to Mattsun: Ayo babe what if we fucked on the catfish tank

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Kiyoko tiredly, to Tanaka: I’m not putting salt and pepper on my pussy lips

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Saeko: I’ve got that Deep dish, super soaker, wet, succulent dripping honey suckle like sweet marinated mooseknuckle, extra thick, slip n slide, water park, waterbender, extra ribbed, the seven seas, gorilla grip, flex tape, primordial soup Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Cardi B, Megan Thee Stallion pussy

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Atsumu not really knowing what cooch means: I got the body builder cooch

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Oikawa after not sleeping to train, extremely sleep deprived: youre got unending

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Goshiki; Commit arson

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Akaashi: I leave for 10 minutes and Bokuto is 240v (mouth edition) fuckmaster pro 4000 with semen drip collection tray, automated self-lubricating 6 speed pulsating pussy and built in Polycrystalline floatable silicon

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Oikawa; I’m coming to murk your ass xoxo

Iwa: I will literally shiv you bitch

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Kindaichi: ✨ bob duncan exterminates you asmr✨

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Makki: I’ll try to find my favorite about Jacob sartorius vampire babies with Hillary Clinton

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Kenma after playing some obscure video game: also i can’t sleep😔 too busy thinking about human sized bats

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ME fuck yall im carpetting my bathroom: you already put rugs in the bathroom might as well carpet that bitch

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Kuroo talking abt something sciency idk: LIKE A BODY WIG

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Seijoh when iwa throws balls at oikawa: spousal abuse right in front of my salad

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Hinata making up some new stupid song: Ants on a log ants on a log

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Atsumu to piss off Osamu once more: world f amous allegra chicken

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Semi: Gay little Ushijima’s left hand

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Bokuto: Are you disagreeing with the fact that I am thicc as phuck

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Kiyoko: Guys is it uh... is it possible to sprain a titty cause.... Uh....

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Terushima: He laughed at the end of his own joke what a fuckin chad

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Bokuto: IS THAT THE DOG FROM ZOOTOOIA

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Kageyama: milk is kinda like organ paint huh

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Nishinoya: i don’t think socks taste good

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Tendou: out of your mummy, into my tummy

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Hinata; shout out to me who thought chickens had four legs until last summer

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Oikawa Hanger: I WANNA HANG MY CLOTHES ON HIM 

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Kenma: What a little pissbaby

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Yamaguchi: i am literally so curious about what it's like to kiss a boy that it's almost killing me

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Daichi about Suga: he may be cute, but istg there’s some kind of raging devil trapped in him

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Saeko: fuck society my titties are out

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Hinata after getting lecture by everyone for sneaking into the training camp: GOOD NEWS MY DAD IS NOT GOING TO PUT ME IN THE OVEN

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Just me thinking abt any first years: children. toddlers. Tikes.

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Me waiting for the fever: When is malaria?

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Uhhhhh probably tendou his vibes: Ill electrocute his cock

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Akaashi just go w it probably about bokuto: Why is he shoving cheese up the pussy

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Osamu tiredly: Ooey gooey cheesy chicken vagaina

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Nishinoya trying to catch a very large fish: Dom the Crab

┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉ ┉

Bonus crabagraph: The crabs death reverberated and struck fear into the hearts of all crabs in existence because of this one 60+ year old mans volatile universe-crunching swing. Dude defied the laws of gravity by simply getting pinched by the crab. Man just reinvented the laws of physics and all of science due to the sheer force of will and untapped wellsprings if potential unleashed by the crab. If aliens show up it’s because the supersonic radio waves released by the banging of the crab against the cabinet are the first ever created in the universe. Man could cause a ripple in space-time with his crab launching abilities. Guy probably opened a gateway into another universe when he launched the crab. You see how the cabinet door opened and stayed open? It’s because this elder tore a hole through the fabric of reality to the Other Side simply because he experienced a minor bit of pain. The way he released a defeated roar of agony. The ancient gods awoke from their deep slumber and this old man single-handedly revived all his ancestors. New wars are about to start because of the way this man broke the barriers containing this reality into one fixed area. This universe is now expanding at such a rapid rate the the geosphere will now be reshaped. This man probably unknowingly blasted a hole in the other side of the planet because the shockwaves of the aggressive rippling effect of this poor crustacean slamming at lightning speed into a small wooden frame. The crabs insides were probably fused into the shell because this man’s angry, rage filled, pain filled battering ram of an arm throwing him through every known dimension and re-arriving in this one at the mere moment to experience the most pain a crab ever has or will in the rest of the existence of crabs. This elderly man probably has phased through and broken every human limiter known to man just because he got a minor pinch by a crab. He probably is bio-medically fused with crab DNA at this point. A legend.

#incorrect haikyuu #incorrect haikyuu quotes #nishinoya #osamu #atsumu #oikawa #yamaguchi #suga #kiyoko #tendou #bokuto #akaashi #terushima #yaku #lev #hinata #kageyama #kenma #kuroo #kindaichi #semi #iwaizumi #did i get everyone #okay #enjoy this

[sergeant-donny-donowitz]

Tough Guy (DonnyxFem!Reader) (Pt.1)

Requested by @sodapop182​

@owba-chan @war-obsessed  inglourious-imagines @tealaquinn @struggling-bee @frozenhuntress67  @kwyloz

Let me know if you wanna be added to the IB or OUATIH taglists!

A/N: I learned so stuff about ww2 nurses, and omg they were baddies

A/N 2: Yall...we need nurses/doctors/CNAs/Rns, now  more than ever, Stay inside and do them a favor <3

PT 2 Here

__________________________________________________

His blood was spilling onto the snow, pooling through layers of jackets the basterds wrapped him with. His blood was begginning as a slow drip of crimson on white, like cherries in the snow.

The basterds couldn't help him, and they couldn't afford to lose another basterd.

When Donny woke up, he was in an aid station. That never happened to any basterd before. He felt  like he didn't deserve it.

So when he realized you were taking his temperature, and his vitals, he shifted, "I don't need your help."

You raised your eyebrow.

"I don't know why they send you all out here anyway. We can take care of ourselves. We have to. I don't need this. I can-"

The way he said 'we' irked you.

You knew he was talking about the soldiers, forgetting war efforts involved everyone. There were civilians, women, children, medics, engineers, any and everyone everywhere left life as they knew it. Left it all behind, and put it all on the line. Even if they weren’t on the front line, it didn’t mean it wasn’t valuable.

You decided to play his game. You had the time.

You stood back, and crossed your arms, "Aw, don't like seein’ dames in charge, huh?"

"Wh.." He sputtered, realizing how his tone came off, "No, I...I meant...Uh...That's not what I meant! I..."

You smirked, "Alright tough guy. You still got some shrapnel there. You don't need me, right? Here."  You handed him a scalpel.

He stared at you blankly.

You stared right back, your arms were crossed, your eyebrow raise, containing a laugh of amusement behind a face of routine. "Well, sergeant? I'm waiting."

His lips parted, but no words came out.

He was Donny Donowitz. He had never been speechless in his life.

You crouched over him, "Look. Your job might be to kill the enemy, but my job is to keep you alive."

This time, he raised his eyebrow. His head tilted to the side, and his dark eyes tried to see through yours.

He couldn't read you.

You stood back up, "Sometimes we can't do that," You sighed, sometimes it was too much. There were days where the blood didn't stop, there was no time to eat, no time to sleep.

There was a commotion out in the corridor.

There had been an air raid over a nearby town...Which meant chances were you wouldn't be able to save someone that night.

You looked back at Donny, and shrugged, "Hang tight, tough guy."

"Wait...I-"

You looked back at the door.

You knew he wouldn't say it.

He was too proud.

He wouldn't admit he needed you.

It kind of gave you some satisfaction, but, at the same time, there were others that really needed you.

Donny, in the mean time, slumped back down.

What was he going to say?

He stared at the ceiling, looking for those words as his fever took him back to night.

****

Donny's eyes went wide.

He flailed, and shot straight up, immediately trying to get up. The nurse that was in the room at the time couldn't get him to calm down, and there were no sedatives at hand.

"Y/N?! SOMEBODY! GET ME SOME GODDAMN SEDATIVES!"

In no time, you marched in.

The sole look on your face made Donny Donowitz stand down.

He was genuinely terrified.

You were not having it.

Your hair was pulled back, a few wild strands undone from the long hours. Your sleeves rolled up from your day turned graveyard shift. Your stern, unamused expression settled him down immediately.

You held up a syringe.

He immediately backed down.

Because if there was one thing Donny couldn't handle, it was syringes.

He could scalp all the nazis in the world, and bash as many of their brains in as he pleased....but a needle was an absolute hell no.

"Hey hey, hey, what's all the commotion in here, huh?"

That was a rhetorical question, of course. Because Donny was the most problematic patient you’d ever had. So you immediately looked to him. The only conscious patient in the room, and you muttered "Oh of course."

He gathered his strengths back up, "I gotta go, I gotta get back out there."

You looked at the other nurse. "Lana, can you get private Martinez down the hall some more morphine? I'll handle this."

Lana, the other nurse, smiled and nodded gratefully as she bounded down the hall.

"You're not ready to go back out there."

"But-"

You gently pressed your fingertips against his covered wound, and he flinched as a wave of sharp pain struck him.

“See.”

He shook his head, and started to sit up, "I'm fucking fine!"

You couldn't believe it. Their pride and stubborness was the number one thing that got those boys hurt and right back to you.

Or worse.

Six feet underground.

"Hey." You raised your voice.

Normally, you weren't that nurse....but Donny wasn't making it any easier.

It had been a tough week.

There had been more casualties than usual...

No matter how much training you got, nothing could ever prepare you for that. Not those sad eyes that would never see victory, or home again...

You stood over Donny, "I didn't bust my ass trying to save you, just so you could go and-"

"Save me?!"

You glared, "Yeah. You."

"You didn't save me, " he huffed, "The boys brought me in."

"Oh." You picked up a tin, and shook it around. A metallic clink began to ring through the room. "And who took this fucking bullet out of your belly? Who stopped you from spilling your guts out? Who closed up that wound when your sloppy team couldn’t? All the lovely ladies here." 

He was silent for a moment.

He lowered his voice, and muttered, "You don't know what it's like out there, sweetheart."

Sweetheart?

You gritted your teeth.

You weren’t taking a back seat. You’d worked too hard all your life.

Smoke practically flared out of your ears.

"No?" You lowered your voice too, not to comfort him, but to confront him.

"C'mon sergeant. Nurses see all the blood you don't have to. We sit with the dead and the dying day in and day out. We stitch you up, and send you back out there. Hell, we go out there."

You knew he was going to say it wasn't the same.

Somehow, sometimes you thought it was worse...

Millions of lives were in your hands. Seeing even one go was enough to make you wonder about it all.

"I was there... the Blitz." You had the burns to prove it. You were there, on the lines of multiple battles, but that basterd didn't need to hear your biography.

Just your point.

"I know what's happening, because I've been on the front lines. A lot of us have. You don't think we do? Well guess what tough guy, hundreds of us have been hurt or killed out there. My sister's a nurse. You know where she is?"

He shook his head.

"Yeah. I don't either. She's a POW somewhere in the goddamn pacific.  And my brother. Know where he is? A fuckin' captain training kids, 18, 19, 20 year olds to come out here and join the circus. So welcome to the club, tough guy. We all got front row seats here."

He heard you slam your fist down on the stand by his cot, and you left.

He turned his head, and saw you left a few pain killers by his glass of water.

He woke up again, in the middle of the night. His eyes fell on the clock hanging over the doorway.

It was almost 3 AM.

He spotted a figure, slumped in the corner.

You were sitting in a chair, drinking out of a canteen.

"Can I have some?" He smiled a little.

You closed the cap, and rolled your eyes on the ceiling, and sighed, "Nope. You're in a hospital."

"Then how come you get some?" He thought he had you.

You smirked and looked at him, "Cause I'm not on medication."

"But you're on duty."

"Off the clock."

He noted your hair was down, and nodded, then asked softly, "Then why are you here?"

You smiled a little and looked at him, "Seems to be the only way to keep you here."

He chuckled a little, though it hurt, and he gripped his wounded side.

You were both silent then.

You pressed your back against the chair, and your head leaned back against the wall, and you shut your eyes, though you were far from sleeping.

You didn't know how much time had passed, but you knew it had been quite a while.

"Hey...nurse..."

You peeked one eye open, "Sergeant?"

"What's the first thing you're gonna do when you get home?"

You sighed, and thought for a moment.

You could say the standard issue answer: Hug your mother. See someone you love. Find your friends.

You'd thought about home a lot, sure. But never really thought about going home. You'd seen so many that never would go home. You'd been on one front line too many. You never had a guarantee of making it through a whole day. So you never gave yourself the luxury to think of that hope at all.

"Get a rootbeer float." You decided.

It was true.

There was a mom and pop shop down the street from your home. You hoped it was still there when you got back. Somehow you hoped all your friends would be in the same booth like they were every Friday night, after school, after work, before they all volunteered or got drafted.

You looked to the tired soldier "What about you, sergeant?"

He smiled a little, "Get a piece of pie."

"Oh yeah? Boston cream pie?"

"Huh?"

You shrugged a little embarassed as you pulled the covers back over him, "You...got that  kinda accent..."

He smiled, "Should."

You smiled softly, "See you in the morning, sergeant."  You turned and started walking out of the room.

"Wait..."

You turned to look at him.

"Y/n...that's your name, right?"

You nodded, "Yeah..."

"I'm uh....I'm..." He couldn't appologize, of course, that pride was hitting in.

You nodded, and spoke softly, "Yeah, I know."

He sat up, and it didn't hurt. "You uh...you do good..."

You laughed a little, "Gee, thanks. I never woulda guessed." You sat by his side.

In the morning, a doctor came by.

Donny was discharged from the aid station.  He stood up, and turned around, searching the room... Three nurses were there, and none of them were you.  As he walked down the hall, he glanced into each room, but couldn’t find you. He stood out in the snow, and sighed. His breath forming  alost cloud as he whispered your name in defeat.  “Sergeant Donowitz?”  He turned and found a soldier in a jeep, waiting to drive him to the end of allied lines, where the basterds would be waiting for him.  He got into the jeep, and turned around one last time.  You stood on the highest floor of the makeshift hospital.  It hurt having to see so many people that wouldn’t make it. Talking to them made it hurt more.... But falling in love was a million times worse.  You shook your head.  That couldn’t be why it made your heart sink... Why did it hurt so much to watch him walk out? That was what usually made you relieved for a patient. You didn’t want to answer that... **** Months passed.  The basterds were walking through a small town in France, recently taken back by the allies and the resistance.  The snow had long metled away. The skyw as bright blue. It was an early summer morning.  There were soldiers everywhere. Nurses and medics responding to the wounded.  The basterds were staying there for a day or two, and then continuing on their mission.  Aldo gave them a “day off” which was rare for the basterds. Rarer still was a coincidence like the one Donny was about to live.  He spotted someone, in civilian clothes, but with the sharpness of a fighter, and the soul of a basterd, and the heart and courage only a nurse could have.  “Y/n...” You turned around, and smiled, unable to believe it as you ran to him, and threw your arms around him. He smiled down at you, and you giggled, “Still a sergeant, huh?” He laughed, and rolled his eyes, and kissed you.  You spent the rest of the day together, and at sunset, when the boys had to meet back up, Donny walked you to the aid station.  “Meet me after everything...When the war’s done...” You nodded, “I’ll be right here, tough guy.” He looked back at the waiting basterds, then back at you.  He couldn’t tell you about the mission, or that the war would be over sooner than you thought. That was all classified.  He only told you they were heading to a small town called Nadine.  He kissed you one last time, adn walked away with the rest of the basterds. He llooked back at you, adn this time, you were still there.  And you’d be there, for him when it was all over, just as you’d been there, like every other nurse, when it was all beginning.

Amazing art by @sodapop182 y'all should check out her blog 😭💕

#Donny Donowitz #donny-donowitz #donny donowitz imagine #donny donowitz x reader #Inglourious Basterds #inglourious basterds imagine #Quentin Tarantino #eli roth

[mortuarybees]

What books do you recommend me to read?

I’m not sure what your tastes are but I’ll tell you some of my favorites! To be quite honest, I mainly return to the same books over and over again so the list is rather short and I doubt I have anything to recommend that you won’t have heard of already. I’ll recommend my favorites. It consists mainly of my usual rotation of things i read over and over or books that left an impression on me and I refer back to them often.

When it comes to the non-fiction section just like….keep in mind that most academic texts have many, many problems and I’m not presenting any of the texts I list as The Quintessential Must Read Best Flawless Overview of a topic, I’m mainly listing the books I have found to be approachable and reasonable introductions to topics. Read everything critically, always (and that includes everything else on this list, not just the non-fiction).

Plays:

An Oresteia, translated by Anne Carson (Aeschylus’ Agamemnon, Sophocles’ Elektra, Euripides’ Orestes)

Iphigenia in Tauris by Euripides

I mean like. Shakespeare, obviously; my personal favorites are Hamlet, Twelfth Night, As You Like It, Julius Caesar, and Macbeth; recently, thanks to the productions starring David Tennant, Much Ado About Nothing and Richard II have been added to the list

Doctor Faustus, Edward II, and Dido by Christopher Marlowe

Antigone, particularly Anne Carson’s translation, and after you’ve read Antigone, I’d recommend reading Antigonick, but not before

Lysistrata by Aristophanes

The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde (I feel like Lady Windermere’s Fan is also kind of necessary reading and I do love it of course but I’ve only read it the once, for the sake of it, whereas I’ve come back to the Importance of Being Earnest a million times and the 2002 movie is one of the things I watch when I’m down)

Novels (and Epics)

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett if you haven’t yet, obviously

Maurice by E. M. Forster

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

The Secret History by Donna Tartt

VIRGINIA WOOLF. everything but particularly the Waves, Orlando, and Mrs. Dalloway. The Waves is my favorite, followed closely by Orlando, but I’d start with the Mrs. Dalloway because it gets you accustomed to Woolf’s writing style and the way she approaches her characters if you haven’t read her before.

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (If you haven’t read it yet and you have seen 2005 P&P and love it and you’re opening the novel with the expectation that it’s similar to the 2005 film in tone and feel, you’ll be disappointed. If you’ve seen the 1995 miniseries, that reflects it very well. So just approach it with an open mind with 2005 on the back burner and you’ll find it an amazing and very repressed love story)

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh

When the Moon Was Ours by Anna-Marie McLemore

The Iliad (the translation I own is Lombardo. It’s extremely approachable and colloquial and I enjoy it, and if you’ve never read the Iliad and you find it intimidating, I would very much recommend it, but my high opinion is not universal. Fagles and Lattimore are very popular translations and I like them both well enough)

I’m dying to get a copy of Emily Wilson’s Odyssey translation. I don’t love the Odyssey personally but I am a big fan of Wilson and from what I’ve read about her translation and what she’s said about it, if anything could make me enjoy the Odyssey, it would be that translation.

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller. I would personally recommend reading the Iliad first just because Miller takes…….liberties with it, but I also don’t think there’s a problem with that at all, so if you’re not interested in the Iliad, or you think tsoa would get you interested in it, there’s nothing at all wrong with reading it on its own or reading it first. I just think it’s a genuinely more enjoyable experience to read the Iliad first and then see what Miller does with it. And regardless of what order you read them in, if you read them both you will understand how very different tsoa and the Iliad are from one another and you will not be one of those people who talks about the Iliad when what they mean is tsoa. Again, there’s nothing wrong with tsoa, it’s one of my favorite novels, but it’s just a very separate thing and it gets just a little maddening.

Autobiography of Red by Anne Carson. It’s both poetry and a novel but it’s got to go somewhere so

When I was 14 I got very into Les Mis and i will recommend it. I genuinely love it and it will always have a special place in my heart. I have read the entire brick only once however because as much as i love it. as much as i Relate to the infamous off-topic tangents. there is a limit to my patience.

The Epic of Gilgamesh is just like. extremely good. I really don’t know enough about it to recommend any specific translations; in high school I was given a stapled copy of the whole thing and I read that til I lost it and now if I want to reread it or refer back I just look it up online. I’m a fake fan.

Poetry

If Not, Winter: Fragments of Sappho translated by Anne Carson

The Beauty of the Husband by Anne Carson

Devotions, Felicity, and Winter Hours by Mary Oliver. Those are the anthologies that I have read and I adore them. I imagine that all of her anthologies are also amazing and all of them are on my to-read list. I don’t think you could possibly go wrong

I do not have the singular published collection of Elizabeth Siddal’s poetry (My Ladys Soul) but I have read all of her poetry and she is an amazing poet and I hold her very near and dear to my heart

Crush by Richard Siken

Useless Magic by Florence Welch……..yall knew what you came here for

Songs of Innocence and Experience by William Blake

Non-fiction and Essay Collections (again. None of these are recommended as the definitive, end all, be all, all-you-need book on any given subject, they’re just some of my favorites). I have limited myself to collection specifically because this is long enough already and if I start just adding essays it’ll never end. All of these were either purchased online for under $10, are available somewhere on the internet as pdfs, or were at my library, so if you look, you can probably find them somewhere (I say this bc while trying to find the authors of some of these I have been stunned by their retail prices and I’m assuring you, don’t be scared off by your initial search bc I sure as fuck did not pay $30):

Citizens: A Chronicle of the French Revolution by Simon Schama

Marie Antoinette: the Journey by Antonia Fraser (controversial but well-researched and approachable and I love it. I would recommend reading like. almost anything else first because Fraser does obviously focus on Marie Antoinette and her life and experiences; and while she does talk about the revolution, it isn’t the focus of this biography, and you won’t understand why it was necessary if you don’t come to it with a good grasp on the broader events outside Marie Antoinette).

A Day with Marie Antoinette by Hélène Delalex

Robespierre: a Revolutionary Life and Liberty or Death: the French Revolution by Peter McPhee

The Black Jacobins: Toussaint L’Ouverture and the San Domingo Revolution by C.L.R. James

If you’re at all interested in 18th century art, I recommend Rococo to Revolution:Major Trends in Eighteenth-Century Painting by Michael Levey

A People’s History of the United States by Howard Zinn is controversial. But it’s approachable and well-researched and if you don’t know a lot about American history, I recommend it highly (especially for Americans).

Eros, the Bittersweet by Anne Carson (okay literally everything by Anne Carson. All her essays, her poetry, her translations, her weird mashups, all of it. There are a few things I haven’t read yet but. I very much doubt you’re going to be able to go wrong, so just take what I’ve listed as my favorites)

This Changes Everything: Capitalism vs. The Climate and the Shock Doctrine by Naomi Klein

Black Against Empire: The History and Politics of the Black Panther Party by Joshua Bloom

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: and Other Lessons from the Crematory and From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death by Caitlin Doughty (also the illustrations by Landis Blair are absolutely phenomenal. Look at this. I love it so much I pulled it out of the book to hang in my momento mori corner because it’s so beautiful.)

The Worst Hard Time by Timothy Egan

Alexander of Macedon by Peter Green is. okay we have a love-hate relationship, me and this biography; me, and peter green, but I have major issues with every single Alexander biography I’ve read and this was the first so if you want to start somewhere, I guess go for it.

The Empathy Exams by Leslie Jamison

The Honey Bee by James L. Gould. It’s out of date in some respects but a good, simple introduction into honeybee biology and behavior

Before the Deluge: A Portrait of Berlin in the 1920s by Otto Friedrich

Vanishing Bees: Science, Politics, and Honeybee Health by Sainath Suryanarayanan and Daniel Kleinman

Out of the Past: Gay and Lesbian History from 1869 to the Present by Neil Miller

Holy Madness by Adam Zamoyski isn’t by any means perfect, but it’s a alright introduction to the Age of Revolution. Just don’t let it be the only thing you read. It’s here because it has a special place in my heart as my introduction to it.

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Erotic Exchanges: the World of Elite Prostitution in 18th Century Paris by Nina Kushner

Radical Love: Introduction to Queer Theology by Patrick S. Cheng

Our Lives Matter: A Womanist queer Theology by Pamela R. Lightsey

Our Native Bees: North America’s Endangered Pollinators and the Fight to Save Them by Paige Embry

At the Existentialist Café by Sarah Bakewell (I really do not know that much about philosophy or existentialism specifically or this subject generally, so I have no idea where the faults of this book are, but I really enjoyed reading it and it made me think a lot. I have a feeling it’s very simplified so take it with a grain of salt as I did?)

Walden by Henry David Thoreau (just. just. it’s enjoyable but don’t get too into it please for the love of God). My copy (and I think most copies?) includes his essay Civil Disobedience as well which is very good.

Never Caught: The Washingtons’ Relentless Pursuit of Their Runaway Slave by Ona Judge

The Uninhabitable Earth by David Wallace-Wells

The Diaries of Virginia Woolf: I’m currently in the midst of volume 2 (1920-1924). They’re very enjoyable, but they’re something of an undertaking as all diaries are if you aren’t already very familiar with the biography of the person in question, so like. If you find yourself moving slowly don’t worry about it.

Gay Berlin: Birthplace of a Modern Identity by Robert Beachy

To Be Broken and Tender: A Quaker Theology for Today by Margery Post Abbott

The New Jim Crow byMichelle Alexander

The Environmental Case: Translating Values into Policy by Judith A. Layzer is a textbook that was assigned to me in my Enviornmental Policy class last semester and I really fkcing enjoyed it. It’s a book of case studies in environmental policy and it’s dense at times, but really interesting and enjoyable.

The Second Amendment: a Biography by Michael Waldman

Michelangelo’s Notebooks: the Poetry, Letters, and Art of the Great Master by Carolyn Vaughan. Just like. Genuinely. Genuinely. unintentionally hilarious. but also sometimes very sad, and very gay. I just adore Michelangelo. Just a shy foul-tempered repressed disaster. Jesus Christ.

#my next read is going to be richard ellmann's biography of oscar wilde #i'm v excited #henry speaks #vocallsama

[kny111]

I know I haven’t really updated on here. Fatherhood can be really tiring and time consuming as it is a blessing and will change who you are for the better, at least for me. I’ve been away from a lot of the subjects I used to normally post about until recently, that’s because I picked up the energy and interest for science journalism again. To say I went off to have a long waited talk with nature is to minimize greatly the kind of transformations I’ve undergone. The mysteries she’s shown me far greater than any cosmic unknown that I could have ever imagined of. I know a lot of the folks who used to follow this blog might be surprised to know that within that journey I’ve seen, experienced and have been in communion with some really influential spirits of old. Nature’s hidden variables. Whatever you want to call it. Something occurred when I decided to take more seriously the religions and spirituality of my ancestors. Something that only reinvigorated my love for science and the unknown, physics, art, and expression of these things for beneficial communal use. I’m from Quisqueya, the first testing grounds for colonialism and subsequently the evolution of neo-colonialism. Not too long after and we become one of the first pit stop for the trans-Atlantic slave trading markets to proliferate and spin the rest of the world off into the white supremacist capitalist patriarchy hell branch of a reality we know of today. Our little island has undergone so many transformations and inclusion of peoples, cultures, so many I only recently found out of like how Haitians took in Jewish refugees during the time of Hitler’s nazism. Because I still deal with mental health issues and depression being one I’ve had since childhood, I sometimes don’t have near enough energy to convey how have things been going since my last big update here. My spiritual and religious journey, finding comfort in myself and closure in ways I no longer adhere to. That said I found it beyond amazing how earlier today on October the 14th ‘Indigenous Peoples Day‘ I was drumming away to Tainx music without realizing what day today was without looking at my social media feeds yet. Here I was normally thinking I’m so tired, down and out of trying to keep these cultures alive and I was already doing so instinctively in the truest way I know how.

Like I mentioned, I decided to take more seriously my Afro-Indigenous roots and what it meant to be a Black Dominican Haitian Taino American. It took me on the wildest ride with the unlikeliest subject ranging from seeing quantum entanglement examples right before my eyes, seeing living breathing afrofuturism through my Vodun, Catholic, Christian roots and the functionality of Vodun to incorporate so many ancient parts of being Black into what intuitively led me down a road of self and outward knowledge on the cosmos around me. To then blend these epigenetically installed formulas of spirituality embededd in me by history and nature, incorporate them into my expression of art and self which is one has been like achieving a life long dream I didn’t even know I had. I did so much intuitive shit that was so clearly linked to my identity as an Afro-Indigenx American immigrant along the way that I had erected an altar without knowing it was an altar. I would section and compartmentalize this prototype altar so beautifully and had no clue I was paying respects to my ancestors and spirits of the world until more recently a few months back. When I realized this, it was like a Cambrian explosion occurred in me. I don’t want to get into the details of the abilities it brought out that I already had in me due to prying eyes (ahem surveillance capitalist patriarchy is still outchea at large) but to simply meditate and think on my folks has given me such a renewed and strengthened sense of intuition and appreciation for the past and future that I never knew existed. Sometimes I’ll legit write and prophesize shit out the ass like it’s a normal day it’s wild, shit I never believed in but the science seems to check out with quantum physics and what not. That’d be an explanation for another time. The altar has now evolved to a place I can really go to and express but at the same time it’s something I’ve learned to keep within my own self so that it’s not the altar that’s important, rather the changes I’ve gone through to get to such a place. I write, dream, visualize, laugh, act, improvise, predict based on science, meditate, heal, rehabilitate myself there. But conversely the world speaks to me there, the spirits of old, new, those to be. I know it sounds type wild but it’s gotten normal for me to experience something my old science nerd ass self woulda made fun of me for. But when you get into a connection with ya ancestors like I have and reach the conclusions and deductions I have on the systems that control the planet it gets clearer to see that the Indigenous were right all along on colonialism, it’s gotto go. There’s no place for it in the future if we’re to survive a planet seemingly becoming another Venus. I’d like to think we not gone be fighting each other while some catastrophe bop our asses one time like they did the dinos. That’s one of the main messages they keep tellin me and it’s hard to refute. I’ll try and continue this update on another day as there’s so much in between and concepts and ideas I wanna share about how to move forward on activism and using art to get our ideas about those movements across. The above images span from months, just small droplets of the cool ass journey I been on just trying to maintain some normalcy while playing my part in not helping oppressors of any kind continue proliferating their systems of domination and subjugation. So this first image is from the week not too long ago when I had 2 honey bees flying in and checking out the altar. Then I left an old jar of honey that still had some and they’d return and eat some for like a good week or so. At one point, this matrix-like moment happens when one of them goes into the jar and makes this cool sound I never heard before. The bee had gone in there before many times and never made that specific sound, it was like a lower frequency conch shell or something. When I checked the time it was like 1:23pm or 1:11pm one of those. I was like..... get Neo!! shit was so cool. This next image is really a culmination of my search to learn more about my Afro-Indigenousness which led me to learn more about my Haitianness and the spirituality and religion. From painting Papa Legba paintings before I even knew him, to giving respects to all types of 21 division spirits and Vodun loa before ever even knowing of them. It was as if each part of these religions was trying to show me how much of them was in me in how intuitively I’d gravitate towards these religions despite being still very devoted to science and scientific literacy worldwide. Idk it’s just been a really cool blending of a lot of things I never thought could come together. I found this moth around the time I was reading and thinking deeply on the creator entity in Vodun and some African religions, Gran Maitrex. I’ve always had an interest in creator stories and beings so  when this Golden Moth popped up in the altar (right on the mat I have laid in front of it, facing it, as if it came there to spend its last moments) I was like a little kid. To me it reminds me of those mysteries we’ve yet to discover that can help us in our path to heal ourselves and others if we chose to. The following two are from my walking meditating sessions by the river. They have slightly deeper stories to em about relaxation, overcoming obstacles, predictions I made that day about the sky that I wont get into on here cause it’s exhausting lol. The next image with the wooden branch I brought in from a forest walk is of one of the bees I spoke of flying around the Afro-Indigenx/ Ancient Egypt/ West Africa section of the altar. It did this several times enough for me to note that it liked that particular area. Following non repeating image is of the portrait I did a while back for the Heath Gallery in Harlem on Rein-visioning Brown and Black Bodies in Scifi: Story of 4 Tainx sisters calling for their descendants to help them from the demonic wrath of colonialism. This picture I took when I finally got to take my ass out to jog after a whole day of being a dad. I found a neat tree to try and climb at night and found this beautiful bright green grasshopper right by the branch I picked. Grasshoppers always remind me of giant leaps I could be taking forward. The following image I took during another forest walk when I looked up and saw this cool cross shape juxstapositioned among the trees. Last image I took during the Medieval festival they hold at Fort Tryon every year. It’s where I sold my awesome Medieval chicken paintings (which have now taken place at altar where I give em much love) last year dressed as Obi Wan Kenobi. This year I decided to just enjoy it with bae and did so dressed as Jedi Jesus posing as a Dominican Fryer. More pics on that to come. Just wanted to update yall on the spiritual in case anyone could use these words to benefit em. Yall take care. - Ken

#personal #update #hiatus #dadiatus

[paperpenz]

[ Moments in Time ]

A short story I did back when I took creative writing classes. I’ve edited and made some minor changes since then.

Hope yall enjoy this small read !

-

Songs to listen to as you read:

1.  데려가줘 | TAKE ME by GIFT

2. Someday, The Boy by Kim Feel

3. Still Fighting It by Lee Chan Sol

-

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The gentle beating of the heart monitor echoed through my cells and bones, as my consciousness slowly seeped back in, causing me to stir awake.

My eyelids, heavy with drugs, fluttered open as the constant shuffling of feet filled the large white room, my home for the past 3 years. The smell of alcohol and disinfectant still dancing around my nose like bees in spring, groggy, I felt a weight on my arm. Staring down at the white bandages wrapped neatly around my arm, confusion filled me. Then, slowly images filled my mind …

A little boy’s cry of dismay…

A balloon snagged on a tree trunk…

My hand, inching towards the balloon…

A heart-wrenching snap beneath me…

A sharp pain…

Blackness

 “I see that you’re awake now.” A calm and deep voice broke through my thoughts.

 “You had a bad fall. Thankfully, you didn’t sustain any major injuries except for a broken arm, which would heal soon enough, if you don’t strain it too much. Now Grace, mind explaining to me how you, a perfectly sensible soon-to-be 18-year-old young lady, would be doing on a tree?” His calm voice now laced with worry and concern.

 “I wanted to help the poor boy retrieve his balloon?” I smiled sheepishly at the man in white –Dr Raymond, Ray for short chided.

 “You need to be more careful Grace. You can’t afford to injure yourself.” He said while jotting down the readings of different monitors and scribbled them down, all part of the routine.

 “Looks like your readings are normal. I’ll come back later in the evening to check on you again. Please stay out of trouble and within the hospital vicinity.”

I simply nodded, but we both know that it’s simply not possible.

The moment his footsteps were out of hearing range, I slipped on my slippers, slowly draped my cardigan over my shoulders, grabbed a pen and a piece of paper hidden under my pillow and snuck out to a straight cemented path behind the hospital. It led to a single willow tree perched on top of a small hill. Tugging my cardigan tighter around me as the wind kissed my already rosy cheeks, I hastened my pace along the path I knew all too well before they realised I was missing.

Rumour had it that before the hospital was built; a young lady born into a rich family was to be wed to a suitor of her father’s choice. However, the young lady already had someone in her heart, a young lad, born to serve her family. They were madly in love but not only did her father disapprove of their relationship, but the young lad was called away to serve their nation in times of war. Heart-broken, they pledged their love under the tree and the young lad swore to return for her. Unfortunately, fate wasn’t kind towards them. The young lad had perished during battle and when the young lady heard the news, she was grief-stricken. She made her way back to the old tree where they once pledged their love and decided to join him in the afterlife, for life without the young lad was already a death sentence. Ever since then, people claimed that they would sometimes hear soft wails in the middle of the day… Or so they said.

I’ve always had a thing for tragic love stories; maybe that’s why I was attracted to this looming, hollow, arched tree that I now call Fingers –due to her overhanging, tear-drop like leaves, gracefully dancing along with the wind. Her arched branches tower over me, resembling a mother’s hand –protecting me from the harshness of the sun. With her I felt safe, she was my refuge. I would write to her each day, leaving my notes in her hollow trunk –the perfect hiding place.

However, 2 years ago my notes were replaced with an unfamiliar one –a reply. Clearly somebody had found my notes and not only decided to read it, but to respond to it and even had the audacity to sign off. Anger and embarrassment stirred within me, I felt exposed, naked but above all curious. Out of curiosity, I decided to respond to this so-called “J”.

Eventually, exchanging letters became our way of communicating.

He –yes, I managed to establish that “J” was a ‘he’, understood me in a way nobody could. We talked about all sorts of things, from his noisy drummer neighbour, Mark, to picturing the perfect vacation, to even describing how our days went.

The only thing is; he doesn’t know that I’m a girl with an expiry date. He thinks, or how I led him to think that “Grace” is an average soon-to-be 18-year-old girl. And I intend to keep it as such.

Slouching by her slender trunk, Finger’s leaves rustled as I jotted down my ‘little adventure”. Ever since we exchanged our letters, it became my way of picturing life as a normal teenager, doing what every other girl should be doing. It helped me forget that I’m not what people considered to be ‘normal’.

“Today, I saved a little boy’s balloon that was stuck on a tree branch. The poor boy cried really badly, I felt bad for him and decided to retrieve it. Although I can’t say that I left unscathed. I broke my arm in the process, but thankfully it wasn’t my dominant hand. School was boring, as usual, the same old class, teachers and tests. Hopefully school has been better for you.

-G”

But of course, “going to school, taking tests and complaining about teachers” were only half-truths. Signing off, I dropped my note into Finger’s hollow trunk and headed back.

 “You look better than when I first saw you earlier in the day. Something interesting happened that you would like to share with your Doctor-in-charge?” Dr Ray asked playfully. Dr Ray found out about “J” by accident one day, but never once did he mention “J” to anyone else.

 “Has it got to do with that secret lover of yours?”

 “Firstly, yes. And secondly, “J” isn’t my lover of any sort. He’s just a good friend that I have never formally met and besides he thinks I’m a normal girl enjoying her life.”

 “Be careful, for all you know he might be just some creep preying on unsuspecting young girls such as yourself.”

 “Yes, ‘mum’.” Rolling my eyes at his comment.

 “I know “J” isn’t some sort of creep, even if he were to ask to meet up, I don’t think I have the courage to let him see me –the real me, ‘the girl who probably won’t be able to live past-’”

 “What’s wrong?” I asked upon seeing Dr Ray’s brows frowned in confusion.

 “Well, this can’t be right” The way Dr Ray rubbed his chin unleashed waves of uneasiness in my heart. “It’s probably nothing, don’t worry about it and get a good night’s rest. I’ll check up on you tomorrow morning.” Before I could ask any further, he disappeared into the never-ending corridors, leaving me with my raging thoughts.

It’s probably nothing like he said; you’re overthinking again Grace. I assured myself before dozing off to the endless possibilities of becoming healthy once more.

Or so I hoped…

Sitting under Fingers luscious thick leaves, my hands tightly clutched “J”’s letter unable to process what Dr Ray had just explained to me.

What am I going to tell “J”? I can’t simply tell him, “Oh hey just so you know everything about me attending school was a big fat lie and I won’t be able to write anymore, cause apparently my time got cut short. Looks like I won’t even make it past to see my 18th birthday since the cancer cells are growing at a ridiculously fast pace. Thanks for everything up till now’.

I simply can’t tell him that. What would he think of me?

Tears clouded my eyes when I remembered the piece of paper that was now crumbled in my hand.

“On behalf of the boy that you risked your arm for, I thank you. No really, you are a hero.

School’s been the same old cycle, you wake up, go to school, hear teachers preach about their subjects and soon you’re home again doing the same old homework. Thankfully, I had good old Mark and his drums to accompany me through the night; I swear I could hear him even in my dreams. Do you think they’ll notice if he goes missing?

On another note, I respect not knowing each other’s identities, but I do want to meet this amazing person behind these letters if that’s okay with you.

-J”

He wants to meet me. “J” wants to actually meet me, the girl whose time got cut short. He wants to meet the “normal teenage” Grace, but nothing about me is normal, especially when your due date is almost up. Why can’t I be like every other teenager? Why of all things did I contract leukaemia, why can’t it be some other curable disease? Is that too much to ask? Biting my lip, I let the tears fall.

Letting it all out sure did feel good, but the problem remains unchanged. “What am I going to tell “J”, Fingers? Should I tell him the truth? Should I even meet him since I wouldn’t live any longer? Gosh, why is it so difficult? I guess after writing this letter, I have to say goodbye to you too huh Fingers.”

Feeling her rough woody bark under my fingertips for the last time, I began crafting my final letter.

“Mark definitely deserves the Best Neighbour Award of all time (note the sarcasm). Jokes aside, I have something to tell you. I do want to meet you, really, I do… But I’ll be going on a trip soon and I’m not sure when I’ll be leaving or when I’ll be back. Before leaving, I want to let you know that you are a special existence to me and our time writing was surreal, unfortunately, it’s time to say goodbye to those days. Thank You for everything.

-G”

Every word penned down on that piece of paper took a piece of my heart with it. I figured that this was the best decision for us, I guess mostly for me. I couldn’t bear the thought of meeting him only to leave him soon after. It’ll be too painful. I didn’t go back to see Fingers, neither did I return to see his reply.

And just like that, 2 months passed. I spent most of my time in the hospital, going through tests which honestly, I don’t see any point for, considering that I’ll be gone soon. Not seeing Fingers and not being able to write to “J” killed something inside me. I guess I was already dead before I knew it.

 “Grace, you have a visitor.”

Turning my attention away from the window, my pale blue eyes met a pair of hazel eyes that belonged to a lanky boy dressed in a plaid shirt with brown pants, and a chocolate-coloured hair that was slightly covered up by his grey beanie. “Grace, this is Jack, my younger brother.” Dr Ray introduced. “Apparently he has something that he wants to tell you; I’ll leave you two to chat. I’ll be back in the evening to check on you again.”

 “Hey”

 “Hey”

 “Well, it’s nice to finally be able to talk to you live, and not through a pen and paper, G”

That’s when it clicked. Jack is “J”. And “J” is standing in front of me. He –the boy who made me forget that I was ever sick, is standing right in front of me. He found me and he knows me –the real me.

Suddenly, I felt self-conscious, with the way his gentle eyes met mine, how his cheeks flushed to form a slight pinkish shade and the way he rubbed his neck sheepishly. While my eyes seemed hollow and cheeks drained of any sort of colour.

 “But… But how? How did you know that I was here and not someplace far away?”

 “Well, it’s sort of a long story. I knew that you’ve been living in the hospital 3 years ago since I’m a frequent here, poor immune system and all that. You intrigued me, a girl that found out she contracted leukaemia 3 years ago was filled with so much spirit and life. It was pure coincidence that I discovered the notes that you left inside Finger’s trunk, I also figured you didn’t want me to know about the whole hospital thing, so I kinda left it as that. After reading your letter, I knew something was up and I may or may not have asked my brother subtly about your condition. And I may or may not have also begged him to let me finally meet you.” He grinned, his cheeks forming a small dimple.

Having him by my side was no easy decision; but somehow, he managed to convince me. Since then he visited me each day without fail, telling me stories of his hopes and dreams, just like he did in those letters. He silently supported me, giving my hand a little squeeze each time I went through the tests.

When I was bored of being cooped up in the room, we would sneak out of the room to race each other to the hill, lying on the grassy patch, gazing at the endless array of stars in the night sky. Eventually, my body became too weak and I no longer had the energy to walk, let alone stand. Even so, Jack still stayed beside me.

Whenever the pain felt unbearable, he would hold me close, patting my back as he whispered words of assurance and comfort. The room was always filled with life and laughter. Every moment spent with him was truly more than I could ever ask for. I loved him wholeheartedly and I knew that Jack did too.

Soon, my time was coming to an end and we both knew it.

 “Jack, I have a request. I want to see Fingers one last time.”

Pushing my wheelchair up the hill was no easy feat but he still did it nonetheless. Waves of nostalgia consumed me, memories of us writing to each other were now far behind us. Leaning against his shoulder, I felt safe and protected like I once did. His fingers interlaced with mine, like two fitted pieces of a puzzle –his hands fitted to mine. Breathing in the cool evening breeze, we sat in silence, but our thoughts roared like lions.

Taking one last glimpse of the fiery sun slipping beneath the clouds, I closed my eyes, feeling the weight of the world in the palm of my hand, and the earth beneath me. Memories of the days spent together replayed in my head.

Leaning on his shoulder, I felt safe. 

I whispered a word of thanks before drifting off into an endless dream, awaiting the day where we would share more moments in time together. And maybe this time, I would be normal once more.

-

I left the ending open-ended so it’s up to yall to guess what happens to her in the end. Does she simply fall asleep? Or has she passed on? The ending is up to your very own interpretation!

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed this small read :)

#short story #romance #creative writing

[starsandlittlebats]

Scar tissue

read on ao3

Parings: Aelin x Rowan

Warnings/comments: language, flashbacks, yall have no idea how long it took me to find the perfect type of flower for the third flashback. 20 mins is how long

Summary: Aelin and Rowan spend the night reminiscing about their scars, old and new, painful and less so

Words: 2831

Aelin ran her fingers over the neat line of stitches that graced her cheekbone.

“It’s going to scar, isn’t it,” She groaned, glancing towards Rowan with a mournful look. He didn’t say anything, but flashed a grin at her nonetheless.

“Oh gods, it is.” Aelin threw herself onto the sleeping mat. She huffed a sigh again and shook her head slightly.

“You know what? I think it’ll make me look rugged.”  

“Sure will.”

“Oh shut up.” Aelin picked up one of the embroidered cushions from the sand and flung it at his face with surprising accuracy. Plucking it out of the air, Rowan threw it right back before lowering himself down beside her. Smiling slightly, Aelin leaned her head on Rowen’s shoulder, and the pair fell into a comfortable silence.

Moonlit waves crashed on the shore, the rhythmic boom and roar providing accompaniment to the wind that hissed through the marram grass on either side of the dunes. Bright diamond stars hung suspended in the sky, faltering only slightly as grey specters of cloud passed over them. But in their little bubble of calm made by Rowan’s shields, it was a perfect night.

The pair had been meaning to get away from court life for weeks now but had only just found the time to escape to the little cove Aelin had found on her last visit to western Terrasen. And a little - well, a lot - of wind wouldn’t do them any harm was what Rowan had claimed minutes before Aelin had almost quite literally been blown off a cliff face and into a gull’s nest. Which the birds had strongly disagreed with, as evident by the nasty gash on her face.

Rowan absentmindedly brushed his fingers over the cut and Aelin shivered a little under his touch, leaning into it.

“So,” she mumbled, “What about you?”

“Hmm?”

“You never talk about your scars.”

“That’s because I don’t have any stories that even live up to pissing off a seagull.”

Aelin let out a snort. “Nah, you’ve been around for centuries, I’m sure Lorcan’s bitten you or something over the years.”  She leaned over, pulling his arm onto her lap and lightly ran her fingers over a jagged line at the crook of his elbow.

“What about this one then.”

“That’s, uh, nothing.” Rowan’s blush was all-too visible in the half-darkness. Aelin raised her eyebrows.

“ Did Lorcan bite you?”

“No! Gods no, this happened about... a century ago,” Rowan’s brow furrowed as if he was thinking hard, “Me and the cadre found a bee’s nest high up in a tree - Lorcan had the brilliant idea to turn it into a competition; who could get the honeycomb the fastest, no magic, no shifting allowed.”

Aelin poked him, “Go on.”

_______________

Rowan stared up at the tree’s canopy, narrowing his eyes at the humming, brown smear high, so high up in the branches. Really, he was a fool for even accepting the challenge, and after watching both Fenrys and Gavriel fail, he really should be reconsidering, but gods dammit he would not look like an idiot.

“Careful.”

Rowan glanced over to where Fenrys was glumly picking bee stingers out of his skin. He just nodded and grabbed the first branch, hauling his way up the tree. Rowan swiftly fell into a rhythm, always keeping three limbs on the branches and feeling the rough bark scrape slightly against his skin. He kept climbing, up and up until he was forced to slow down, the limbs starting to creak dangerously under his weight.

The nest was only a few feet above him now, the humming relentless. Gingerly, he reached up, gently slipping his hand inside and feeling the nest start vibrating violently. A sharp sting pricked his thumb and Rowan winced slightly, before slowly wrapping his fingers around what he hoped was the honeycomb. Another series of pricks pierced his skin, this time painful enough to cause Rowan to hiss and yank back his hand.

The very air seemed to be alive with furious buzzing and Rowan hurriedly backed away before anymore of the creatures could find him. There was a pain in his knee, his neck, his cheek, spurring on the male faster.

Then suddenly - weightlessness.

It took Rowan a good second to realize that he had missed a branch and was now plummeting towards their camp. He twisted in midair, and had just splayed his fingers to release a net of wind to slow his fall when he slammed into the ground. There was a burst of pain, a red haze, and then nothing.

_______________

“And then when I woke, it turned out that I had won, but they’d used the honey to dress my arm, so I never actually got to eat any of it.” Rowan traced a finger across the jagged line. “The bone snapped clean in two. I didn’t live that down for years.”

Aelin snorted again, shaking her head slightly.

“You’re such an idiot,” she laughed softly, the sound only building as Rowan swatted her on the arm.

“Right,” he said, “My turn.”

Aelin raised her eyebrows again, but didn’t shift away as Rowan reached over, brushing her hair aside and touching a thin line on her neck. She screwed her face up and frowned.

“Huh, yeah, that one was wayyyy back when I was still Celaena. Arobynn thought it would make an excellent training exercise if he paid someone to kidnap me. Gods, that was years ago.”

_______________

The hood was ripped off Celaena’s head, taking a good few strands of hair with it. Even though she was still groggy with whatever drug they’d used to bring her here, a bolt of fury raced through her spine. Wherever here was.

Celaena swiftly assessed the situation, dank stone walls lit by a guttering torch - heavy manacles weighing her down to the floor - a large oak door - no other exits. Ah, shit . She managed a smirk at the decidedly rat-like man standing in front of her.

“And who do I have the pleasure of meeting at such a late hour?”

The man studied her for a second, but said nothing. Smart.

“So,” she said, stretching luxuriously in the chains and hearing them rattle, “What do you want with me?”

Her smirk grew at the flat look he threw her way.

“Arobynn Hamel owes me money. A lot. You are here as insurance in case he tries to pull something.”

Celaena mentally cursed Arobynn - why did she always get dragged into his messes? There was an abrupt silence as Celaena subtly tested the chains, feeling for weaknesses. The left manacle felt like it could give a bit of leeway and Celaena bit back a grin as she began to slip her hand free - before freezing. The knife pressed to her neck spoke volumes and this time she didn’t even try to smile, the blood rushing in her ears almost blocking out his next words.

“I know exactly who you are Saedothien, try anything and I’ll cut your throat -”

She never got to hear the end of that sentence, sharply kicking him in the groin and snapping her head back, away from the knife. But not fast enough. The man tripped forward, unbalanced, the metal slipping and biting deep into Celaena’s neck.

“ Shit! ” she snarled, ripping her hand free from the shackles with another groan of pain. Her captor had recovered enough to lunge again with the knife. Firmly shoving back the pain like she’d been trained to, Celaena’s free hand shot out, jabbing him in the throat and sending him spluttering back before grabbing his wrist. She twisted hard until there was a crack and he dropped the blade with a loud clatter and a yell of pain.

Almost automatically, Celaena kicked the knife towards her, scooping it up and jamming it into a keyhole. The heavy silence that coated the room was sudden and abrupt, Celaena picking the lock, always keeping one eye on the man who was crumpled to the floor, moaning slightly.

There was an audible click and Celaena shrugged the manacles off, rolling her soldiers and wincing at the soreness. Gingerly, she touched her neck, fingers coming away red as the pain she had pushed away rushed back. Celaena grimaced, glancing at the hand she’d pulled free of the chains and the twisted thumb that had started to throb. Blood loss and broken bones was not how she’d planned her Saturday night. Cleaning up this mess was going to take longer than she thought.

_______________

“What did you do to Arobynn when you found out he’d set it up?” Rowan asked.

“It involved a lot of screaming, broken objects, and at least one thrown knife. Though that last one was Arobynn, I probably shouldn’t have smashed his favorite two thousand crown sculpture on the floor.”

“He deserved it.”

“Oh definitely, that man had terrible taste in art.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Aelin sighed, “Yeah, he did deserve it, although I had to pay back that two thousand crowns. Too busy being the devoted prodigy, I guess.”      

She pressed her lips together, laying back in the sand and staring hard at the stars until their light started to blur. Rowan settled beside her and Aelin shifted to face him. There was another long silence with the wind and water filling the gaps of their conversation.

You okay? He asked in their silent language.

Yeah, just… thinking.

“Right, your turn,” Rowan said out loud and Aelin glanced over appreciatively at the change of subject. She placed a hand on an area of puckered skin on his thigh.

“Tell me about this one then.”

This time it was Rowan’s turn for his expression to falter and a shadow for pain passed over his face. Aelin knew that expression well - an ache bloomed deep in her chest for her mate and his pain.

“Lyria,” he said finally, “I was getting flowers for her - rare ones to impress her. Zantedeschias. But the only place they grow is in Kirfall Forest, which is also where the white bears live.”

_______________

Silver fur, savage claws, and fangs that just screamed ‘do not mess with me’. Incidentally, that was exactly what Rowan planned to do to the hulking creatures that prowled below. And in the middle of that clearing the cobalt and ivory blossoms of the Zantedeschias. Rowan wheeled back around, catching the updraft on his wings and studied the area for one last time before angling his wings and diving, shifting in midair and slashing with blades that were already grasped in white-knuckled fingers.

The roars that rang through the clearing were almost enough to make the male kneel over with shock. Almost. One of the beasts lunged at Rowan, fangs bared, and Rowan rolled away, shooting a blast of ice-kissed wind to send it sprawling back, landing a powerful kick on the head of the second. Rowan leaped high into the air, but before he could land the next blow, he was swatted out of the air, fangs tearing at his thigh. Rowan yelled with a mixture of pain and frustration as he fell hard, suddenly unbalanced.

He rolled, taking the brunt of the fall on his shoulder, and slashing upwards at the belly of the creature. Knocking its hind legs out from under it as he rose, Rowan cast jagged daggers of ice at the beasts, sending gusts of wind to guide their paths.

A series of muffled thuds told him that they’d reached their marks. The petals of the flowers taunted him with their closeness as he cut down three, four, five creatures before some semblance of sense stuck them and the rest of the pack fled into the waiting forest.

The silence that followed was abrupt and absolute, Rowan breathing heavily as the male strode across the clearing, limping on his injured leg and still warily eyeing the treeline. Rowan bent down to retrieve the flowers, but swore viciously as the pain in his thigh doubled at the movement. A growl slipped through his clenched teeth, but he eased the flowers out of the soil as carefully as he could nonetheless.

Even his wound seemed to lessen somewhat as he scrutinized the blossoms, imagining how Lyria’s face would light up as she saw them. That though alone made it all worth it.

_______________

“Did she like the flowers?”

“Only after she finished yelling at me for being so stupid to go to Kirfall Forest. She actually planted them in the garden - turns out they actually spread like weeds. I wonder if they’re still growing there...”

Aelin smiled slightly. “Well, maybe for our next holiday we can go find out.”

He raised his eyebrows at her, “You know that literally the whole court would want to come.”

“Family day out.”

Rowan rolled his eyes to the heavens. “I want to know about… this one next,” He touched an area of crisscrossing lines on Aelin’s upper arm.

“Oh, I fell off a cliff.”

“Of course you did. Why am I even surprised at this point?” He flashed a sharp-toothed grin at her and Aelin jabbed him in return.

“Shut up, do you want to listen to my daring tale or not?”

“Do go on, I’m intrigued at how my ethereal mate can get herself into so many life-or-death situations.”

“ Shush you buzzard, right, me and Aedion were about eight…”

_______________

Aelin grinned wickedly as she stared over the edge of the cliff.

“It’s not even that high Aedion.”

Aedion raised his eyebrows.

“That’s not a good idea.”

“Don’t be a wuss.”  

“I’m not - fine.”

By some small miracle, the pair had snuck away from the party of adults that had taken them to the local beach in search of something more entertaining. Or - more accurately - Aelin had dragged Aedion up the nearest cliff in search of an adventure, despite his avid protests.

“Okay, so, on the count of three, we jump.”

Aelin seized Aedion’s hand and squeezed it hard. He squeezed it right back, this time shooting a reassuring grin at her that seemed to be more for himself than her.

“One, two, three-”

They launched themselves off the edge and into nothingness. Aelin dared to glance down, the glorious blue of the water filling her whole world. Beside her, Aedion gave a woop and her face had just begun to split in a smile when they slammed into the ocean.

Aelin went under in an explosion of bubbles, salt filling her mouth as she plummeted down, down, down. Her vision was a blur of brilliant silvers and blues so enchanting that Aelin barely noticed it when she hit the sea bed, rough stones and sand scraping across her exposed arm. She clawed her way to the surface with strong strokes, exploding back into the world and fresh air. Gasping and blinking water out of her eyes, Aelin twisted, eyes searching for Aedion who broke the surface next to her with a loud breath.

They locked eyes and Aelin started laughing, head dipping below the water, and Aedion only stared at her for a second before joining in. The two children clung together in the water, laughing, and shaking with a mixture of nerves, adrenaline, and mirth.

The water below them began to rise, the pair being carried along with the unnatural wave and around in sight of the beach that they’d left behind. Aelin swallowed at the sight of her mother, glaring, tight lipped, and fingers splayed in front of her to control the bulge of water. They were dumped unceremoniously onto the beach, spitting out sand and shivering as the cold began to set in.

Aelin touched her throbbing arm, wincing as her mother strode over, anger lining every inch of her posture. She winced.

Uh oh.

_______________

Aelin touched her arm, running her fingers over the scar as she finished her story. Rowan shook his head.

“So what I’m taking from this is that you were a horrible child. Poor Aedion.”

Aelin gave him a light punch, “I was an excellent child. I just dragged Aedion into my schemes. And to be fair, there were a lot of schemes.”

Rowan snorted, “Remind me never to let you two go off to a cliff side alone.”

“He enjoyed it really. Even if we were both grounded for the better part of three months.”

After a long pause, Aelin spoke again.

“If you could, would you get rid of them?”

Rowan considered this for a long second. “No. No, I wouldn’t. They remind me who I am and who I was. And nothing in the world would make me give up these -”

He shifted to reveal Aelin’s claiming marks. A ball of warmth ignited in her chest as she stroked them, feeling Rowan’s skin heat at the contact.

“I love you so much.”

“I do too, scars, bruises, pain and all. Everything that makes you up is brilliant and beautiful.”

“Now you’re just being sappy,” Aelin laughed.

“I sure am.”

#throne of glass #rowaelin #aelin galathynius #aelin x rowan #rowan whitethorn #tog fanfic #my fanfiction #ao3 #fanfiction

[killanyone4you]

dont send me numbers i’m just gonna answer them all

1. Would you have sex with the last person you messaged?

yup.

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

no def have not.

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

yes

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

no. i need to feel trust to feel safe but i dont really have a hard time trusting people.

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

no. haven’t hung out with anyone recently. sorta trapped alone.

6. What are you excited for?

um. getting my meds tomorrow? im boring af.

7. What happened tonight?

movies, snacks, cat snuggles.

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

no. i think this question is kinda disgusting.

9. Is confidence cute?

very.

10. What is the last beverage you had?

water

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

2 maybe 3

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

a few.

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

it is saturday night. over here gettin wild. movies, snacks. cat cuddles.

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

meds. food.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

no

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

probably. i dunno.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

uhh. i tend to blurt out all my fucked up shit to basically anyone so i’m not sure it matters.

18. The last time you felt broken?

always yall.

19. Have you had sex today?

with myself. twice

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

i’m not where i thought i was and i need to get the fuck out as soon as possible.

21. Are you in a good mood?

im fine.

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

not really

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

not exactly. i do have my dads eyes, they look exactly like his, but his are pale blue and mine are grey.

24. What do you want right this second?

snuggles. kisses. affection.

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

typical.

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

nooo

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

lol no. and neither could anyone else the fuck

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

a boy

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

yes very much.

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

hard no.

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

no

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

i dont really know how i feel about anything right now, so i have no clue bruh

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

not at all

34. Listening to?

why are you here

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

when i need to write and i have a pencil.

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? 

no

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

noo

38. Who did you last call?

my boss

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

a coworker i think. just being silly.

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

they kissed me. i guess it was a good moment.

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

it’s been a minute.

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

CORONAVIRUS

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

constantly. every day. just existing when i have a crush is embarrassing

44. Do you tan in the nude?

i dont tan im white like a pasty ass ghost. but less cute than that sounds.

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

maybe.

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

i did.

47. Who was the last person to call you?

my mom i think. or maybe my grandma

48. Do you sing in the shower?

sometimes

49. Do you dance in the car?

always

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

no. that would be a fucking disaster

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

whenever my last school photo was.

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

yes, but that doesn’t mean i dont also love them

53. Is Christmas stressful?

yes. but that doesn’t mean i dont also love it.

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

yes

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

cherry

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

i wanted to be a lawyer and a teacher

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

nope

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

all the fucking time man

59. Take a vitamin daily?

sometimes.

60. Wear slippers?

sometimes

61. Wear a bath robe?

nope.

62. What do you wear to bed?

anything. usually a tshirt or tank top and undies or shorts.

63. First concert?

well apparently i was conceived at a John Mellencamp concert. but it was Backstreet Boys lol. my dad mixes sound for live shows and got tickets to a sold out show the day off and surprised me with them. im pretty sure i was in second or third grade, it was great

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

walmart and target.

65. Nike or Adidas?

neither.

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

cheetos.

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

ew.

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

this is tough. i actually love Taylor Swift. i guess i’ll say Gorgeous

69. Ever take dance lessons?

noooooooo

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

no. not really.

71. Can you curl your tongue?

yes

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

no sir i suck at spelling

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

yes.

74. What is your favorite book?

this is hard. i love a lot of books. probably Ella Enchanted

75. Do you study better with or without music?

oh god i dont study well at all.

76. Regularly burn incense?

no.

77. Ever been in love?

i dont really know to be honest. i want to say yes but like. i dont fucking know anything.

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

i’d like to see the used again. i’ve only seen them once and it was a festival set so it was kinda short. and i’d REALLY love to see something corporate but that isn’t possible so Andrew McMahon in any form would be nice.

79. What was the last concert you saw?

the used.

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

cold tea

81. Tea or coffee?

iced coffee.

82. Favorite type of cookie? 

my families christmas cookies

83. Can you swim well?

pretty well.

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

can some people not do that?

85. Are you patient?

no. not even a little tiny bit.

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

i dont go to weddings

87. Ever won a contest?

uh. none come to mind.

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

no.

89. Which are better black or green olives?

no olives are good and if you disagree you’re wrong thank you.

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

im a fan

91. Best room for a fireplace?

any room really.

92. Do you want to get married

no. i hope i change my mind,

#this took so long #no one cares about any of this lmao #answers #honestly it was kinda fun tho #anyone remember doing surveys on myspace? #that's what this felt like

[dreamgirlbreezy]

CHAPTER 21

LISA

 I was having fun with my friends in club ENSURE when something caught my eye I thought I saw Donnie but that couldn’t be hi he told Rocky he was studying tonight so I went back to partying when a hour went by I was going to the bar and happen to stop and look towards VIP and saw Tony and Donnie Donnie was there the Donnie who told my daughter he was too busy studying to see or speak to her I was staring at him until he looked dead at me. I went walking towards VIP section I was going to have a few words with him about himself. No one hurts my baby and gets away with it.

I was let into the VIP section and I went walking right to him and the girl that was all over him looked at me.

“Hey Lisa” I looked at Donnie as he smiled at me then I looked at the girl.

“Hey Donnie you mind if I speak to him a few minutes please”

“It’s cool Stacey I'll be back” me and him went walking off over to the side. “What’s up how you been?”

“What’s up? How I been? I been dealing with my daughter who’s heart you broken and here I find you in a club living your best life while my daughter can't get you off her mind”

“Wait a minute your coming at me like I stepped out in the relationship? As if I was the one who cheated it was your daughter who broke me not the other way around so you pointing the finger at the wrong person I have the right to be out I’m motherfucking grown I can do what I want and when I want your daughter thinking about me has shit to do with me being here or you being in my face right now.”

“How can you say that you are here best friend she cares about you and loves you and you just going to throw it all away for some bitch shaking her ass up on you”

“No I didn’t throw shit away your daughter did the moment she kissed that nigga the moment she went out with him knowing good and damn well that it wasn’t as friends she ruined it all the moment she kept it from and started lying on her friends just so she could see him, you need to be home telling her all this not me I was cheated on you think she was the only one having sleepless nights, up crying at night wishing that we was together again well she wasn’t know your facts before you shoot off at the mouth and I’m done, I came here to have a good time not talk about this shit here.”

“No wait don’t walk away from me my daughter--”

“Your daughter what look I was given so much of myself I thought I’d die I loved your daughter and I was good to her great to her had pussy being thrown at me left and right and I never acted on it and all I wanted was the same love and loyalty from her and she couldn’t do it that was too hard for her to do when she got the first chance to cheat she took that shit and didn’t give a damn about my feelings. So I don’t give a damn about hers I hope you do let her know you saw me out I don’t care and I know for a fact that she still seeing that other nigga so before you came at me check your child bye” he walked away from me I stood there looking at him as he went back to his friends I couldn’t believe all he said I know she’s not seeing Rodney well I need to ask her that she said it was over between them, I walked out of VIP and went back to my friends I will talked to Rocky when I get home.

 ROCKY

 I was sitting in the livingroom watching TV when my mom walked in from her night out with her friends.

“Hey ma how was the club?”

“It was good and I saw Donnie there”

“You did how was he did he look good?”

“He looked like him we had words and he told me you were still seeing Rodney thought you ended things with him?”

“I saw him twice and ended things with him he was sorry for breaking me and Donnie up when I told him about what happen the first time and the second time I saw him he was out with his friends and stopped to talk to me to see if me and Donnie was able to fix things yet so who ever told him that didn’t know all the details.”

“Oh well he think yall are still seeing each that boy is still in love with you he’s just hurt and not being with you is hurting him too, but I think it’s time you move on to someone else”

“I rather be single ma if you don’t mind my heart can't take much more of love right now”

“I think you should think about dating again”

“Ma I don’t wanna date right now I think I need to get over Donnie first”

“It’s been almost a month and Donnie is out here living it up with other woman and you haven’t”

“I’m not into woman” I smiled at her she giggled.

“You know what I mean”

“I know but with finals next week I just wanna get through that and deal with finding a man later.”

“Okay”

“Thank you now off to bed looking for a job tomorrow”

“You don’t have to work you know that”

“I know but I need to do something with my time out of school”

“Oh okay if you say so you know you don’t have to but it’s up to you”

“Thank you now off to study a little then bed see ya” I got up and went upstairs to my room and sat on the bed pulling out my books I started studying.

*2 WEEKS LATER*

 Finals has come and gone and I think I did good on it right now I was out with Sammie, Jada, Mia, Tiff and Trina we was at a bar having a good time even tho I don’t drink I was still having a good time it was late I was probably going to call it a night soon the time was 1:30 in the morning.

“I would work at a topless bar I love my titties” Sammie said we all laughed

“I don’t know about all that I would really need money to do a job like that”

“Yea I agree I couldn’t do it”

“How many job apps did you fill out?”

“I did a lot at least 20 pull I did some online so hopefully someone calls me I wanna work”

“I know you do” my phone was going off and I checked it.

*Donnie*

‘Hey you’

*me*

‘Hey how you doing?’

*Donnie*

‘I am druunk yup yup I feeling noooo pain right now’

*me*

‘Are you home your not out are you?’

*Donnie*

‘I am wit Tony eh si driivingg ‘

*me*

‘Oh okay good your not driving glad about that’

*Donnie*

‘I I have to tell yoou somethiing’

*me*

‘What do you have to tell me’

*Donnie*

‘Oour friendshi was the best preamble for our love storye. Ill never forget the day I meet u, an I will always remember the day I loved u.’

“Who are you texting?” Mia asked sipping her beer.

“Donnie he is drunk texting me”

“I love drunk text they tell the truth” Mia said

“I thought Donnie had a new girlfriend?” Sammie ask

“New girlfriend?”

“Yea I saw him out with some chick they was at Local restaurant together”

“WOW well I don’t know all about that”

“How do you know he got a new girl she could just be a friend” Jada says

“Yea did you ask him?” Mia asked

“No but they looked like they was on a date together” Sammie said I just nodded and looked back at my phone.

*Donnie*

‘you hearddd me ? huh’

*me*

‘Yes I did, so you still love me?’

*Donnie*

‘YEEEESSSS’

I smiled “What did he say?” Mia asked looking at my phone “Awww he still loves you, you know a drunken man speaks sober thoughts”

“That’s what I know” Jada said

*Donnie*

‘Does u still loovve mee’

*me*

‘Yes very much’

*Donnie*

‘YAYAAAAY GOOD WE SHOULD GO OUT SOMETHING TIMEAND SEE WHAT HAPENS’

*me*

‘Do you know who your talking too?’

*Donnie*

‘Raaqueel Rosse Steelee my bestfried somoe I miss’

“He misses me”

“Awww” they all say

*me*

‘I miss you too’

*Donnie*

‘U r myy girrl I loovve u bby’

*me*

‘I love you too’

*Donnie*

‘I looove u cause wit u I I  dot feel alone on Sundas an my Mondas are not that bad. u make my week, my month, my year and my life!’

“LAST CALL!” the bartender says

“Let’s get out of here ladies, I’m feeling x rated so I need my man” Jada said we all giggled and left the bar walking to the car with Mia she was parked next to me.

“What are you going to do about Donnie?” Mia asked

“Let him keep drunk texting me until he falls asleep and text him tomorrow see how he feels I mean it’s good to know how he feels but I need the sober man to tell me these things not his drunken ego”

“Yea I feel you” Mia said as I got in my car and checked my phone.

*Donnie*

‘If u feeel alone, I I will bee ur shadow. If u want too cry, I will be ur shooulder. If u r sad, I will b ur smile. Ever time u need me, I I will b there.’

“No texting and driving” Mia warned looking at me.

“I’m not I was checking it before I started to drive I won’t text and drive I know the law ma’am”

“Good see ya later” Mia said smiling at me I smiled back.

“Yea see ya” I started up my car and was off, I was thinking about Donnie I was driving playing some music when my phone went off again I wanted to check it but no texting and driving so I wasn’t going to look until I got home I was driving through the green light when the next thing I knew BAM my car went spinning and everything went black!!

[derpyslurpy-da-derp-master]

All the personal asks plz

Alrighty then!

1. Any scars?

Mhm, pretty much all the scars I have are burns. One is from burning the side of my arm on an iron my mom had  standing upright that I brushed against trying to reach something on the counter behind it and I’ve got one or two other scars from my culinary class on my hands from trying to put a tray in the oven and bumping it on the rungs above the ones I was putting it on. I burnt my hand day one of actually cooking. Yes I’m a disaster.

2. Self harmed?

Absolutely not. One, I’m too scared of pain, and two, I have uh… An unpleasant history involving someone else threatening self harm to make me do what they wanted, so… It’s a really sore spot for me.

3. Crush?

I honestly have no idea.

4. Kissed anyone?

Nope

5. Coke or Pepsi?

Neither they make me physically ill

6. Someone you hate?

There’s a LOT of assholes at my school but the person I hate the most is probably my dad for reasons.

7. Best Friends?

Mhm! I’ve got a handful on this site but my IRL best friend is @theansweris-a. She doesn’t really get on tumblr anymore but if you’re reading this I love you friendo and have a good day! :D

8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs?

hahaha fuCK NO. I’d rather not get addicted to something that can and will kill me and throw my money at people to sustain it. If someone offered me either I’d probably flip them off whilst slowly backing up and getting tf out of there because NO.

9. What’s your dream job?

Author/Illustrator with some VA work and Video Game directing on the side.

10. Ever been in love?

I have. It was with someone I didn’t have a chance with and who would be an absolutely awful lover to me since we weren’t compatible emotion-wise so I let it go. It was hard, but I did it.

11. Last time you cried?

Last Sunday trying to explain to my mom why our preacher and the church we go to has completely fallen out of my favor for it’s very loud blatant ‘LGBT people are bad abortion is evil insert other white conservative stuff here’ ‘cause she doesn’t know I’m LGBT+ (and it’s going to stay that way) and I was trying to explain to her why I would never say invite my LGBT friends to church because they would be mercilessly persecuted by people who call themselves followers of God then spit in his eye by doing the exact opposite of everything he’s asked of them. Yes I still feel really strongly about this.

12. Favorite color?

Cyan!

13. Height?

How coincidence, I just got it measured today! 5′6, FINALLY OFFICIALLY TALLER THEN MY MOM MUHAHAHAHAHA

14. Birthday?

November 17th!

15. Eye color?

Milk chocolately-brown

16. Hair color?

Dark brown

17. What do you love?

this is so open ended hjkfjfjkhgkjh okay then I love girls, video games, anime, writing, drawing, reading, and animals.

18. Obsession?

My top 3 in order of obsession; Kill La Kill, RWBY, and Kingdom Hearts.

19. If you had one wish, what would it be?

For every single illness, disease, syndrome, disorder, and so on to have a cure. From Cancer to Asthma. Both because I have so many incurable diseases/disorders and because I know there are people out there who have things so much worse than me in that department.

20. Do you love someone?

I love all my mutals, friends, and most of my family including extended family. 

21. Kiss or hug?

I’ve never been kissed so I don’t know anything about how that would be so I’d say hug because I love hugs!

22. Nicknames people call you?

Derpy, Slurpy, D-Slur, Resident Cinnamon Roll (That’s my actual nickname on a Revue Starlight discord)

23. Favorite song?

this is like asking me to pick my favorite child uhhhhh… This Life Is Mine by Jeff Williams, it just means a lot to me.

24. Favorite band?

i know no bands by name

25. Worst thing that has ever happened to you?

….Okay, uh, this is gonna be really hard to decide because a LOT of bad things have happened to me. I’ll go with the more physical choice because I’d rather not dump too much of my emotional baggage onto yall. One time I was being prepped for surgery and they needed to get the IV in. (for the record I’m shaking pretty badly right now from thinking about this) They had to stab my arm with what they called a ‘Bee sting’ (it wasn’t a bee sting it goes almost down to the bone) that had numbing stuff in it and they were trying to find a vein they could put my IV in but they couldn’t find one (okay now i’m typing really fast so I don’t have to think about this for long) and they kept stabbing my arm over and over again. The thing is I have a serious phobia of needles that sends me into panic attacks, I’ll go lightheaded I’ll lose my hearing and so on. So I was trying to put a brave face on despite my parents not even being there but they would. not. stop. They didn’t give me a break. It was one stab then another then another then another. I was having a full blown panic attack, I was almost crying. Then they seemed to get it. They left me for a bit and my parents came in. My arm started swelling. They HADNT got it. My arm was being filled with whatever my IV was. They came back in with the beesting. They started stabbing me again but on the other arm. I couldn’t keep a brave face anymore after thinking they were finally done. I started to cry and sob and the panic attack I had that day was the single worst I have ever had. It got worse. They missed a vein entirely and instead hit a bundle of nerves. My hand started involuntarily twitching as pain unlike any I’ve ever felt before or until now wracked my arm. I had actual trauma from this, the night after the surgery I kept feeling ghost pains of the stabs in my arms, I had to sleep on my stomach with my arms wrapped around my front just to make them go away. I’m still extremely traumatized of this to this day. I never want to have surgery again. I never want an IV again. 

Okay that got away from me there I’m sorry I kinda was having a panic attack while writing that. Anyways moving on.

26. Best thing that has ever happened to you?

This is gonna sound cheesy but meeting @theansweris-a. She’s the sweetest and kindest person I have ever met in my entire life and I feel so incredibly lucky to call her my friend, though knowing her she’ll see this and reply with ‘No U’ because we always end up in a shouting match of ‘YOU ARE A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING’ ‘NO YOU’RE A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING’ 

27. Something you would change about yourself?

I definitely would lose weight. Not because of societies bullshit but because I legitimately want to lose weight so I can actually get strong and build up some muscle, I WANT TO BE ABLE TO OPEN GATORADE BOTTLES GODDAMNIT

28. Ever dated someone?

Nope, I’m closeted and have no interest in even pretending I’m straight by dating a guy, I mean I know some genuinely nice guys (all of them dorks) but they’re all just my friends though they are massive goofballs and I love them very much. (Entirely platonically)

29. Worst mistake?

I… Don’t think you guys wanna know that. It’s nothing bad its just depressing and I don’t wanna be more depressing then I already have been.

30. Watch the movie or read the book?

Depends on which is better, like I’d rather watch the Chronicles of Narnia than read the books because the books are honestly terrible but I’d rather read Percy Jackson than watch the movie because the movies are incredibly unfaithful to the books.

31. Ever had a heartbreak?

Yeah… 

32. Favorite show?

Kill La Kill!

33. Best day of your life?

My cheesiness never ceases but the first time I actually hung out with @theansweris-a IRL at the mall. I remember being SO excited for it but also nervous that how easily we talk to each other wouldn’t translate into real life and I remember spotting her walking up and practically shouting her name before running up and giving her a big ol’ hug whilst crying happy tears (I know i’m sappy shut up) and then when we were let loose to walk around we quickly discovered that we clicked almost immediately and incredibly well it was just the best thing ever. Like, in that one day alone we spent six hours in that mall just chatting and buying stuff and having fun and we left the mall with like three different inside jokes despite it being our first time meeting in person since we first met. Hi my name is Derpy and I’m a big ol’ sap.

34. Any talents?

I’m pretty good at writing, I can type really fast, and I can play the harmonica.

35. Do you wish you could ever start over?

Absolutely not. Things are the way they are for a reason, and even though I’ve been through a LOT it’s because of all that that I’m the person I am today and I wouldn’t trade that for the world.

36. Any bad habits?

Yeah, I’m a nail biter.

37. Ever had a near death experience?

Yes actually, when I was 3 or 4 we took a plane to California to visit some relatives and I almost walked out of the air hatch one the way out, I remember this vividly even though it was a long time ago. If it wasn’t for the flight attendant grabbing me before I fell out, I wouldn’t be here today.

38. Someone I can tell anything to?

@theansweris-a and @my-words-are-light, they’re both really good listeners and have helped me through a lot of stuff.

39. Ever lost a loved one?

My Great Grandpa Ritch died shortly after I was born, there’s a lot of pictures of him smiling and holding me while in a hospital bed and hooked up to oxygen.

40. Do you believe in love?

Oh absolutely, 100%. I mean if you know me you already know that I have just ABSURD amounts of love in my heart and I genuinely believe that it exists.

41. Someone you hate/Dislike?

Wasn’t this already a question?

42. Are you okay?

Mostly, yeah. I have some stuff to work on but I’m honestly at the best i’ve ever been!

43. Relationship status?

I’m a Single Pringle

#Ask #Original