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castiel-left-his-mark-on-me · 3 years

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Okay, i kno you must got this question a million times. But seriously, what makes you think jensen and misha are (were?) together?

I do get this question a lot, but that’s okay-- I am always in the mood to talk about Cockles.

It is a lot of things. First and foremost, the assumption that people are “straight until proven queer” is frustrating. If I die and all the untold truths of the universe are revealed to me, and one of them is that Jensen and Misha are both 100% straight (I’ll be shocked but ...) I’ll accept that without issue. However, not only has Misha spoken openly about his polyamorous relationship with his wife and their female friend, but his wife also wrote about it in her book (meaning that Vicki is bisexual, so he’s obviously cool with the concept). He has also told many stories with implications of his intimate relationships with men. From his various stories involving Darius, to his college roommate, Nico who confessed his love for Misha, and the fact that Nico made that confession because he witnessed Misha and another male friend "spending the night” together in Misha’s room, therefore “he thought it was okay” to confess his feelings ... plus Misha’s support for the LGBTQ community, and his comfort with “joking” about being intimate with his male costars and friends, all make me think that the man is a Kinsey 4 at very least.

Now, as for Jensen ... he’s a little more complicated, a little more subtle, but the combination of so many little things, plus how he and Misha act around one another makes me think that he is also not straight, and he very much enjoys being not-straight with that Blue Eyed Cutie Patootie. From Jensen’s early days, cheerleading and acting in school plays in spite of being bullied, to his very non-traditional Texan affect, to his comfort level with being physical with the men in his life (caresses and soft touches, hugs, standing very close to one another ect) to how he sometimes speaks to them, the roles he took on -- soft, sensitive “boyfriend” roles in soap operas and teen dramas, to seemingly bi-sexual roles in movies (i.e. “Blonde”), to quirky-- very liberal roles across from his future wife, where he got to wear make-up and pro-feminist clothing, and nail polish (i.e. “Ten Inch Hero”) that he admitted was “fun” to act in.

He doesn’t seem to only want to portray the “manly-man” and as someone who’s grown up knowing a lot of Texans, that’s not a common mindset. As Jensen said himself in that previously linked clip-- sometimes people forget that he’s not actually Dean. He’s an actor and he enjoys looking in the mirror and seeing new versions of himself; but if he were that typical “man’s man”, a hardcore Texas cowboy who must remain stoic and rough around the edges, I don’t think he’d enjoy seeing himself differently. In contrast, just look at Jared (and this is not meant as Jared-hate). Jared is also a Texan, but he is WAY MORE like the Texans that I’ve grown up knowing. He’s a little cocky, has a frat boy sense of humor and basically plays the same kind of roles over and over. Yeah, he might be “the pretty boy” but he’s “pretty” to the average middle aged white woman. He’s the Fabio on the cover of romance novels. He’s built, and he’s “tough” and he’s not typically emotional unless he’s just lost the love of his life ... he’s played that character in basically every show or movie he’s been cast in, and I have a feeling he will always play that character. Why? Because that’s how he sees himself, and straying from that would be hard for him; and that’s totally fine! Again, no hate; but the fact that that sort of mindset is something I’ve seen a lot of in the “typical straight Texan man” and then the fact that Jensen is pretty much none of that, is telling. Yes, Dean is a bad boy and macho, but he’s almost a parody of that kind of guy. He is macho with a soft side, he is a deadly bad boy who is kind and soft with children and animals. He likes hardcore guy-movies and porn, but also watches anime and chick flicks. He is a walking contradiction to the typical male-ego normally portrayed in film, and that’s why his character is so intriguing, and that’s why Jensen is so intriguing because he always gives his roles layers and dimensions and nuance that go against what we normally see. And to act in those kind of roles, to bring them to life like that ... I feel like there has to be some truth to it. So, all this is to say that Jensen is not your “typical straight Texan” ... he is something different, something more, and that’s never more clear than when he’s letting loose around Misha...

His accent kink, flashing him, straddlegate, the looks, the anniversary dinner, the compliments, the valentine’s card, matching clothes and accessories, and so on and so on . Plus, there is how others react to them being around one another ... like Jared (for more, just search my shipper!Jared tag) and Ruth. It all points to something being different about Jensen and Misha’s relationship with one another. Jared and Jensen have a very typical older/younger brother relationship-- where Jared acts goofy and annoying and Jensen just rolls his eyes at him, until they can act goofy and annoying together against someone else (i.e. Misha or Alex) and then they’re a team. But Jensen and Misha have something else. There’s a fondness there. There’s adoration and acceptance and comfort and secrecy. They seem to live in their own, little world when alone-- and even when they’re not alone. They talk to each other rather than the audience if they’re on stage, and half of what they say is in hushed whispers and private jokes. They act exactly how my husband and I do when we’re in public. We both prefer each other’s company anyway, so the rest of the world just dissolves away. And that’s the main point I’m trying to make I guess ... Jensen and Misha act like a married couple. Not just in the bickering and silliness, but in the trust-- in the closeness, in the solidarity of their words and touches.

Jensen and Misha aren’t straight ... and they aren’t just friends.

They are “together” in whatever way you interpret that word, and I think that it’s one of the most precious things I have ever witnessed.

#Cockles #Ary answers #jensen ackles #misha collins #long post #I wasn't expecting to get that detailed #but oh well #spent hours finding all those links #wow #search my cockles tag for more #basically have every moment catalogged there

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valkyrieskwad · 4 years

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i put a spell on you (because you're mine)

ao3

hi all! here’s the contribution i made to @supercorpzine this year!! it was a blast getting to work with so many talented people. hope it brought a little light to everyone’s 2020, we can sure use it.

Kara Danvers has an awful habit of making Lena feel like she's falling apart.

It's a familiar sentiment in some ways—as a struggling nineteen-year-old witch, Lena's grown accustomed to falling apart over the simplest things about her magic, about learning spells and potions and figuring out her own identity enough to do incantations with any real meaning—but the way she falls apart about Kara feels different.

Maybe it's because they live in the same apartment, or because they finish each other's sentences and have the same taste in music and food and old English literature. Maybe it's because they spend their weekends getting lost in the aisles of antique bookstores, smiling too big as the dust collects in their hair, getting too excited about old newspaper clippings used as bookmarks stuffed between browning pages.

Maybe it's because Kara spends two hours every day meticulously looking after their house plants, chatting to them about her day with her golden-blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, and the sun bouncing off of her sharp blue eyes.

Maybe it's because Lena's in love with her, because she's absolutely hopeless for Kara, and she couldn't snap out of it even if she wanted to.

The two of them are like tree trunks planted right next to each other: separate roots and branches, but grafting together in the middle, growing taller and taller into something too intertwined to be anything other than inseparable.

"I was thinking of leaving," Kara whispers one night, completely out of the blue. It's late and they're on the couch, snuggled together underneath their quilted blanket—the first one they ever made together, decorated with different colored owls. Lena's eyes feel heavy, but she blinks them open as Kara shifts in closer and adds, "After I graduate, I mean. I feel like there's just so much of the world I still haven't seen yet, you know?"

"Mmm," Lena hums, but then it all catches up to her and she opens her mouth to say, "Oh," sucking in a deep breath and swallowing past the lump suddenly growing in her throat. "What do you feel like you haven't seen?"

"I haven't seen anything," Kara sighs, and it's like her words burn for some reason, etching hot across Lena's skin like a freshly inked tattoo.

Lena feels like she's seen everything living here. She feels so in tune with the land around her, that she hasn't really thought of being anywhere else for a while now. Southern Oregon may not be the most interesting part of the country, but it's the only place that Lena's ever found a sense of community. It's the only place she's ever felt like she can be queer and a witch and magical and accepted. It's the only place she's ever felt a part of something larger than herself without feeling like she's being completely drowned out.

It's where she met Kara. It's where she fell in love. It's where she wants to stay.

"I didn't mean it that way," Kara says a few seconds later. "I just, I hear you and Andrea talking about all the things you've seen, and I feel like I want to see those things, too. I feel like I'm missing out on the world. Just being here."

There's a too-long pause that settles over them, but Lena eventually finds her voice to say, "If you want to see the world, I think you should," and then she tries not to think about what that means for them.

There are two things Lena remembers from her very first junior-witches potions class: 1) the first time she met Andrea and the way she smiled as she told Lena about solstice festivals and candle magic, about crystals and La Virgen and her immeasurable love for Santa Muerte, and 2) how serious the professor's face looked when she said, "Under no circumstances should you ever make a love potion."

They were nine years old, and the idea of a love potion made them both giggle and roll their eyes, adding more ingredients to their boiling pot as Andrea went back to talking about bonfires and spiced cider, evergreen and mistletoe and clove-spiked apples and oranges.

If anyone had asked her back then, Lena would have said she'd never make a love potion.

"But Santa Muerte would accept you even if you did," Andrea had said.

Lena remembers that too.

She thinks about that when she does decide to make a love potion, when her head keeps spinning because Kara said she wants to leave, and Lena knows she wants to stay. She thinks about it as she adds each ingredient, whispering over and over that if she loses Kara, she'll lose herself too, like it's liturgical almost, an incantation, her way of broadcasting her strongest intention so the spell can get it right and Kara can love her, and they can stay here together, happily, forever.

She thinks about it when she decides the love potion is a bad idea, when she hides it in the back of the fridge because even if Santa Muerte will still accept her, she's not sure she'll be able to accept herself.

It's a tough decision, but it's the right one.

So, she pushes it to the back of her mind, tells herself it'll all be okay, and then she tries to sleep as best as she can.

She doesn't expect her world to end when she gets home the next day, when Kara meets her at the door and takes a deep breath, sighs, smiles, clears her throat, twiddling her fingers together as she says, "Sorry, but I might have eaten your stew in the fridge."

"Excuse me, what?" Lena asks, letting her backpack clunk to the floor, taking several deep, deep calming breaths before she asks, "My stew?"

"Yes," Kara says slowly, cheeks pinking up. "I'm sorry, I was just. Hungry. But it was delicious if that makes a difference."

Lena can't breathe. "The one in the back of the fridge?"

"Yes," Kara says again, blushing even harder, and heat floods through Lena so fast it suddenly feels like she's drowning. "The one in the glass Tupperware that was hidden behind the milk. The thing you always do with the food you don't want me to eat."

"Why'd you eat it, then?" Lena whispers.

"I don't know," Kara admits. "But if you give me the recipe, I'm sure I could make it for you again. I'm really sorry."

"It's okay," Lena tells her, heart pounding, head swirling, because Kara looks hopeful and beautiful and Lena doesn't know how to tell her how much she royally messed up, how that stew shouldn't have been in the fridge in the first place, how it's written in the preface of 86% of spellbooks to never make a love potion, let alone leave one lying around. "I was just going to throw it out, anyway," she adds with a smile.

She's pretty sure her life is over.

"I think I did something not good," Lena announces, and Andrea closes her book as she looks up at Lena, eyes glinting like she knows this is a big enough deal to warrant her undivided attention. This is, in fact, that serious. As a Scorpio sun Libra Venus, Lena absolutely hates complicated, messy situations, and this is as messy and complicated as it gets. "I need to talk to you about it."

"What kind of not good?" Andrea asks immediately.

"It’s not like, the end of the world, but it actually is the end of the world. I made a love potion that Kara ingested on accident, and I'm freaking out," Lena explains, shoulders inching their way to her ears as a blush inches its way across her cheeks. "I think I'm in trouble."

"Holy crap," Andrea mouths. "That's not good."

"Yeah, you're telling me," Lena groans, then she plops down on the couch next to Andrea and sighs, scuffing her shoe against the old wood of the apartment floor. "I don't think she even knows we're witches."

"What do you mean?" Andrea asks, leaning over so she's knocking shoulders with Lena. "I'm sure she's pieced it together by now."

"Yeah, maybe," Lena frowns. "But I'm pretty sure she thinks we're witches, but not witches. You know, the ones who make lavender salve and herbal tea and talk about tarot readings and natal charts. The ones who carry crystals around and garden and do candle magic without ever really knowing if it works."

"We are those kinds of witches," Andrea points out.

"Okay, yes, but we also do real magic, and we know it works. Crap," Lena groans, leaning forward and pressing her face into her palms. "How did this happen? I could get suspended from doing magic and lose Kara as a friend."

"Hey, it was an accident," Andrea reassures her, draping herself over Lena's back to hug around her. "I'm sure if you talk to her, you can fix this. It'll be okay, I promise. You'll be okay."

"I'll be okay," Lena repeats, and then she keeps saying it in her head until she feels like she believes it.

"A love potion?" Kara asks, and she's decidedly not upset. She's not even incredulous. Lena got so antsy she blurted everything out in the middle of making dinner, right after she dropped the colander three times and couldn't focus to save her life because she was so freaking flustered. So now Kara's standing next to a half-minced onion, slowly blinking her eyes with her arms folded across her chest, and she's... smiling. "You made a love potion?" she asks again, like this whole thing is funny and Lena's not falling apart. "Who'd you make it for?"

"I - well, I made it," Lena starts to say, then she takes a deep, sputtering breath, rolls her eyes, and huffs, "Who else would I have made it for?"

"Me?"

Lena sighs. "Yes, you. Because - well, because I want you to stay, but also because. I don't know," she finishes lamely. Then she takes in a long breath, presses her nails against her palm, and just says it, almost too quiet, but she's overwhelmed and feels dizzy. "Because I'm in love with you."

"I wasn't going to leave you behind," Kara says instantly, and Lena feels a bit relieved she just ignored the whole love thing. "I mean, I want to explore the world with you, it just - it came out wrong when I said it, and I got too nervous to fix it. But I always want to be with you. I want to go everywhere with you. You feel like home to me."

"Oh," Lena whispers. She was expecting a lot of things, but that wasn't one of them. Not those words, not phrased that way. She didn't expect Kara to just say that. "What are you saying?" she asks, just to clarify, looking down at her hands and trying her best to hide how flushed she feels.

Kara responds by taking a step forward, and then another, sucking in a nervous, shaky breath, and then she's leaning forward and kissing Lena—on the cheek at first, and then the corner of her mouth, and then she pulls away.

"I'm saying I already loved you," she says, stepping in even closer, filling Lena's space with so much comfort and love and warmth, that Lena feels a little like melting. "I'm also saying," Kara stretches out, and Lena can sense she's smiling before she looks up to see it, eyes latching on to Kara's too-pink lips, perfect and glistening even in the dim, 50-watt kitchen lighting. She's so pretty it's incomprehensible sometimes. "I didn't actually eat the stew. I sort of dropped it on the floor, but I thought it'd be better if I said—"

"Kara," Lena gushes out, like a reflex, like a breath of fresh air, like Kara's the most frustrating person she's ever met in her life. "You're kidding."

"I'm not," Kara says, smiling wider, then she fits her hands on Lena's waist, and Lena swallows, cheeks burning with both nerves and anticipation, and happiness.

Her brain is still stuck on the fact that she wasn't expecting this when Kara kisses her again, on the lips this time, but that doesn't stop her from closing her eyes, from pressing up and opening her mouth and kissing back until she's breathless.

"God, a love potion," Kara laughs, right against Lena's mouth, and then she goes back to kissing her again.

#supergirl #supercorp #kara danvers #lena luthor #supercorpzine #my writing

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neednothavehappenedtobetrue · 3 years

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okay. this is a post about a new character, who is a person in the same 'verse as the main one for Robert and Isabelle, sci-fi and spaceships. she is a pastor in the one specific "limits on technology" religion I made up, but also, she is very cool. she does not live on their main terraformed colony, she lives in another colony with some definite cultural differences.

I am mostly posting this for my own future reference. there are definitely people who will enjoy Gwendolyn a lot, even with the extensive trigger tag situation here, but I think "a short story that has space for more nuance" would be a better venue for her than "my thoughts from Skype at 4AM"

if you do decide to read this, check the tags first, please

shoutout to @anonymus-maximus-er for being my thought partner on this.

but as I understand it now, there are, like , degrees of Intensity in Church Of Man

like, even their chillest followers are kind of intense about it because it's hard to be real, real chill about "god said we were only allowed to use these specific fifteen technologies" or whatever the exact rules are

but as far as incubators go, Aimee's community, the one you saw, would definitely have been like "well, too bad God wants that baby to die" and there are some other communities which would be more like "okay, probably make sure your baby does not die, do what you've gotta do there, but don't come back and talk to us afterwards"

and also for sure there are communities like "do literally whatever you have to do to make sure your baby does not die, we will be here with whole-made casseroles when you're home again"

and like, could some of those kids have benefitted from subsequent quality-of-life stuff they didn't get? probably, yes

to varying degrees

but hopefully Aimee finds a nice community where she can be like "this is so important to me but my babies and I experienced a bunch of technology in order to not die and we got excommunicated."

and they're like "wow that sounds like a lot of Not Your Fault would you like some whole-made casseroles and toddler clothes?"

and she's like "I got excommunicated" and they're like "did you know, perhaps you didn't, that there is no Central Authority for every Church Of Man church in the galaxy? there for sure is not! the people from New Maryland often pretend they are, but we didn't vote for them! your old pastor is just not at all the boss of us, is the thing"

that is the future epilogue I want for Aimee

I feel like the Tau Ceti Church of Man community is small and some people think they're weird, but they're nice neighbors. their pastor is a woman named Gwendolyn or something who is just constantly mad about Richard Brinton That Fucking Asshole

she has never called him any of those words because of decorum, she has just spent a lot of time talking to new people like "wow you seem very traumatized did you know he is not the boss of us?"

"we don't have a pope!"

"we've tried to have a council a few times, but it's logistically complicated"

"every church is supposed to make its own rules in accordance with the texts"

"yes, I have read every single one of his missives to the world, I know which bits of the Texts you probably have memorized, here are some bits I like a lot"

Gwendolyn has some opinions

like, churches are supposed to set their own rules about "necessary" technologies and she has quietly labeled almost all life-saving medical technology "necessary"

meanwhile, Brinton thinks it's necessary for him to have access to telecommunications equipment to he can send his editorials all over the galaxy, so people can be Educated

huh

of course, he does not actually physically touch the telecommunications equipment, he keeps like four people who know how to use it around so they can spread his word, but also, huh

the thing about Gwendolyn is that she has spent a long time watching traumatized New Marylanders join her community, many of them quite young and quite traumatized

also, she was never a New Marylander, she is fourth-generation Tau Ceti, which, crucially

means that her first set of principles is "Church Stuff, Misc" and her second set of principles, right there after the first is "you're not the boss of me"

even if somebody could point to actual scripture that said they were the boss of her, she would have some trouble with it, but some dude! who cannot point to anything at all! no justification whatsoever! nothing in the texts even a little bit! keeps trying to be the boss of her! and also keeps traumatizing all of the people in his community pretty badly! and making everyone else look like jerks!

"I'm more conservative than you, therefore, I am the boss of you"

NOPE

not for Gwendolyn

Gwendolyn votes in every local election and votes for her Senator, who she has met and quite likes. she occasionally goes to protests when the local government does some dipshit thing, but the Tau Ceti local government is pretty well-behaved because if it's not the citizenry will absolutely be like "fuck you, you're not the boss of me" at its government

she has some Very Big Opinions about debtor employment. she's not thrilled about the like, severity of the gang situation in her city, but she doesn't have a lot of optimism that the Government is gonna fix it, so she does community groups instead

also, in recognition of the fact that she can't just throw these traumatized New Marylanders right off into the personal autonomy deep end she is like "okay, if you need someone to tell you what to do sometimes, I will be the temporary boss of you until you are ready to be the boss of you"

she does not Love that aspect of her job, but sometimes you gotta

you can't bring people from "obedience all the time" to "you must make every choice in your life with no backup" overnight, they'll just collapse in on themselves or become targets for worse people

so she does the thing

she and Brinton have a <very> passive aggressive correspondence going as church leaders

there are many many long letters back and forth

they are very polite and also, if any of them are preserved, historians will find them fascinating

"wow these people just fucking loathed each other"

Anonymus, 5:05 AM

your obedient servant, A. Burr

5:05 AM

if they did not live on separate planets, legitimately maybe

like, if she could get to Brinton's house on a horse to yell at him in person, she would have by now

she didn't swear a lot in real life, but sometimes she wanted to

she got real good at saying "that man" or "sugar" or "nonsense" in A Tone, but you could tell

I can't decide if she has a husband or a wife

Aimee's church definitely thinks gay people are Modern and therefore Wrong, but like

I feel like probably their specific religious texts don't even have that much on being nice to people? like, there's definitely a few pages on like "kindness is an ancient value, we hold fast to ancient values, these are them"

but it's like 70% Rules Minutiae

it's also not a super long book

so everybody has very different opinions about how to interpret the Rules Minutiae in light of the 30% of the book that's like "here are our actual values"

"modesty" and "fidelity" are both in the Ancient Values bits for sure

and I feel like different denominations went in different directions on the "modesty" and "fidelity" implications of "gay people"

no, I've decided, Gwendolyn definitely has a wife

show her in the actual rules where she can't have a wife

yes, fidelity, that thing she has with her wife

Anonymus, 5:13 AM

can the wife be a very proper rebbetzin?

organises all the casserole chains

5:14 AM

yes, she can definitely organize all of the casserole chains

5:18 AM

right

Gwendolyn's wife's name is Tara and she came from an Earth Church of Man community where they were like "technically it's not illegal for you to be gay, but, like, ehhhh? we'd rather you didn't and also you definitely cannot have children if you're gay"

5:20 AM

and she got to Tau Ceti and met Gwendolyn who even in college was like "show me in the texts where it says I cannot have a wife."

"show me."

Anonymus, 5:21 AM

sounds like excellent breeding ground for Very Textually and Theologically Conversant, but not actually a religious authority

5:21 AM

the thing is, Tau Ceti is Bad At Authority

if they had a motto on their coins it would just be "you're not the boss of me" but maybe in Latin

but maybe not even in Latin because people who know Latin often think they are the boss of you

Anonymus, 5:22 AM

WHO MADE U KING

5:22 AM

for real

I think there is a dude who is technically the "boss" of Gwendolyn and they take turns giving the sermons and calibrating which parishoners they support based on like, communication styles in a way that often ends up with just all of the women and queer folks being Gwendolyn's people

she is smarter than him, he handles all of the Local Politics things that require you not to go "EXCUSE me, where is the LAW ABOUT THAT"

Anonymus, 5:24 AM

different type of smart

5:24 AM

if he ever tried to pull rank on her, she would either be so startled that it would work or she would unhinge her jaw and eat him

so he's never tried

he doesn't want to! very few people on Tau Ceti even want to be in charge, both because it's like herding cats who will hate you if they catch you herding them and because the finely honed distrust of authority doesn't go away when you become authority

Anonymus, 5:26 AM

"I'm pretty sure I'm up to some bullshit"

5:27 AM

yeah, Gwendolyn spends a lot of time with these sad transplants from other communities, nearly all of them women (because for SOME REASON women tend to get excommunicated WAY MORE OFTEN. HUH. are there ADDITIONAL RULES for WOMEN? I DON'T SEE ANY)

and they're like "please I am so sad and scared just tell me what to do"

and she wants to be like "I am not the boss of you, you have to be the boss of you" but they often are not ready for that, so she just tries to get a sense of what they want to do or what might be healthiest for them and tells them her strong recommendation is that they do that thing

everyone in her community knows she is passionate and can get fired up about some of this stuff, she doesn't hide that, but also, there are some conversations she (a only has with her wife and also (b has had with her wife a number of times

they are basically "our community is like 55% traumatized exiles from other communities and like 30% traumatized people from This One Dude's Community specifically. he traumatizes women and girls and girls he calls women and gay people and parents with sick babies!"

"we have so so many people we take care of now who are so so shaken and traumatized and sad"

"and we only get the people who don't leave the faith entirely!"

"it's not fair! it's not fair that he gets to do that! it's not fair!"

because when you carry the faces of like twenty good people all traumatized by the same garbage person and all you can do is try to take care of them and send passive-aggressive letters, sometimes it sucks!

if they lived on the same planet and she could get there on a horse, she would have done something ill-advised by now. yelled, certainly

but then again, if she had been born on New Maryland she would be a super different person and if he had been born on Tau Ceti there would have been a hard upper limit on how much he could get anyone to listen to him

like, bad bullshit happens on Tau Ceti, but the first time he married a fourteen-year-old girl off to her rapist, his neighbors would have set him on fire

church of man neighbors, regular neighbors, possibly neighbors who are criminals, just all the neighbors

5:37 AM

so her wife listens to her cry and reads over her letters to Brinton to make sure she doesn't actually say anything Too Impolitic (I think her boss also reads them, but he's less invested)

and her wife has these new folks over for dinner and helps them find clothes for their kids and adapt their modesty rules to the thing where it's like, as hot as it is possible to be in Tau Ceti

5:38 AM

like, most of the summer it's like 120 degrees, on a brisk day in December it drops into like, the low nineties

5:39 AM

sometimes people from other communities are like "we do modesty more modestly than they do" and they have to be like "okay, your choices are us dressing this way or us using air conditioning, because people do die in real life of heatstroke sometimes, that is a thing that can kill you"

also, even before Gwendolyn came along, her previous pastor was definitely like "we're gonna make electric fans permissible. we're just... heatstroke sure does kill you in real life"

"particularly in Modest Dress"

she liked him. they had meetings like twice a month when she was young because she had A Lot of questions and her parents were less invested in the answers than she was

when she was like twelve, he was like "maybe they'll give you my job one day" and she was like "I don't want your job! you're the boss of people!" and he was like "they very much would not give you my job if you wanted my job, kiddo"

(even 50% of the organized crime leaders on Tau Ceti are like "hey, I'm not the boss of anybody, I'm just a guy you don't want to fuck with because of all of the friends that I have got"

"I am not the boss of you, but I do have this gun")

5:49 AM

final thought on Gwendolyn: she had a real hard time when Robert Thompson died, because that dude thought her faith was a good reason to murder a husband and father.

and like, that dude is a fucking asshole, obviously, but it's hard

and then Brinton puts out an editorial about it and it is the only time Gwendolyn and Tara's children ever hear one of their mothers swear

because she is usually super meticulous about that

but also, sometimes

there is a limit

she makes several attempts before she writes him her next letter and the subtext of the entire letter is just "fuck you SO much, I do not generally believe in Hell, however, I will make an exception"

there is a limit! a man is dead and his wife and daughter are grieving and then a dude who everyone thinks is, like, the pope of her puts out some bullshit like "of course we don't do hate crimes but also that dude who got murdered deserved it" bullshit

there is a limit she is past it!

5:53 AM

also, they have seven adopted kids

#rape for ts #religion for ts #religious abuse for ts #there is a bit about babies dying in here #because their religion does not always allow for medical technology #I don't know what the succinct tag is for that #hate crimes for ts #organized crime for ts #is that a thing?#guns for ts #briefly #the ghost and the machine #as inappropriate as the gun #her tag would be #show me in the texts #I might legitimately need to write this

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arofili · 4 years

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🏳️‍🌈 Finarfin, Thorin, Fingolfin, Arwen

(so disclaimer for all of these, i’m pretty flexible with my queer headcanons especially wrt shipping!)

Finarfin: Mostly straight, very faithful to Earwen. Had a hard time adjusting to Earwen and Anaire’s relationship after the Flight of the Noldor, but he loves his wife so much that in the end he can’t really be anything other than supportive. Especially since he hurt Earwen by leaving, even if he did end up coming back.

So yeah, he’s mostly just really in love with his wife, but. BUT. i am also fond of Finarfin/Eonwe, so- I think he and Eonwe became very close during the War of Wrath, and Ara kind of started crushing on him, except like, is it really a crush? this is just bros being bros right? and he’s not gay, nah, so like...but what if it is tho?? and Eonwe is completely oblivious, not just to Ara’s feelings but to his own too, until like. after things settle down and Ara confesses to Earwen and she’s like “oooh, exciting” and romcom hijinks ensue, except things are awkward because Eonwe is the herald of Manwe (I have some particular hcs about Valarin sexuality, esp Manwe) and in the end Ara and Eonwe are like, not really sure what’s up between them and are mostly just bros...but also a little bit not. that’s a long and complicated way of me saying that they’re queerplatonic, lmao

Thorin: ooohhh boy. I was put off bagginshield for a long time because of the intensity of the fandom around them, and now I’m kind of on board, but like, Only Aspec Bagginshield Please. so i think Thorin is demi, attraction is like, literally the last thing on his mind; I have a soft spot for Dworin so in some verses I think they’ve got a thing going on? They’re definitely extremely close. But what I’m trying to get at, I guess, is that Bilbo is the first/only person Thorin’s like, actually confused and worried about possibly being in love with?? And my brain hurts if I try to think about Bilbo not being in the Shire to raise Frodo, even in the sappiest Bagginshield Everyone Lives AUs, so I think that Bagginshield is more of a ship doomed to pine than anything else, and them both being aspec makes that...easier, I guess? Like Thorin has feelings for Bilbo, but never planned his life around including someone like that, his devotion to Erebor and his people is much more important- if he and Bilbo do get their shit together it would have to be long-distance, because Bilbo loves the Shire and especially loves Frodo after he adopts him, and LOTR is practically impossible if Bilbo remained in Erebor. So yeah. Also, Thorin is trans, I don’t make the rules

Fingolfin: Lol, both Ara and Nolo are characters I’ve had some Thoughts about this ever since writing ATATYA, but since that fic is about the Feanorians I didn’t really get to explore his side of things. Anyway: Nolo is bisexual, but he kind of repressed himself until arriving in Middle-earth. He and Anaire had a good relationship for the most part, but when he started going overboard (in her eyes) with his attempts to make things right with Feanaro, they started to fight. Anaire and Earwen kind of always had mutual feelings for each other that they never acted on because they both loved their respective husbands, but when both the bros left during the Flight of the Noldor they went “fuck it” and got together. (As I mentioned above, Ara coming back complicated things, but after that it was very much “it’s us against the world”)

But back to Nolo: he and Anaire had a pretty terrible breakup right before he left, and when he didn’t come back but Ara did, he kind of assumed that Anaire would never want anything to do with him again, their marriage bond was pretty fucked up and while he was definitely still in love with her he kind of considered their relationship over. So he was basically single in Beleriand, and in a place like that, without the kind of rules he was used to in Valinor, he was freer to experiment, and that’s when he figured out he liked dudes too. I think he was with a couple mortal men (like Hador!) and while that was mostly good for him, he still was in love with Anaire and never settled down with anyone else (like another elf) because of that. He spent a lot of his time in Mandos being melodramatic about his marriage (and I’m teasing, but like, shit does suck, rip Nolo)- but by the time he was released, Anaire had had a long time to mull over what he’d done, and she decided she’d give him another chance. So I think they’re back together, but with a similar sort of thing Ara and Earwen have going on, because Earwen and Anaire are not letting each other go, and Nolo kind of has to prove himself to his wife. Which he is absolutely willing to do.

Also, mostly unrelated headcanon: post-reembodiment Nolofinwe is a funky grandpa who just loves spending time with his kids and takes them camping all the time. Arakano and Irisse love this; Findekano is just happy his family’s back together; Turukano is not a fan but goes along because he knows he should, and it’s a good excuse to try and reconnect with Maeglin who also hates the camping trips (but loves being included)

Arwen: i don’t have any set headcanons for her, I do like Aragorn/Arwen, I also enjoy Arwen/Tauriel, I’m down for whatever wrt to her. she’s probably bi? and I think she’s demiromantic, because she was by herself for a very long time before Aragorn came along, so it was probably a surprise to her that she had feelings for anyone at all, and she went 100% in on that relationship. until death do ye part, and all that...

#silm #ask games #aro tolkien #thank you anon!!!!#i WILL ramble on about my headcanons forever if you let me sdfhkdjh #finarfin #thorin #fingolfin #arwen #atatya #holiness by the sea #(those are the fics i linked)#anon #answers

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gunkyengines · 4 years

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4, 7, and 9, for the s/i questions if you're still taking them!

Ohhhh my gods @jetsetspy I’m so sorry for answering this question so late ;-; My answers are under the cut!

4. Does your insert have a backstory? Tell us about it! How does their backstory, if any, define who they are? How does it reflect their relationships now? Their hopes and dreams?

Bellamy Amplexus – Final Fantasy XV SI

Bellamy doesn’t have much of a backstory just yet, but I do know this:

· Their family isn’t a huge part of their life, aside from a younger sibling, who, to this day, I have not yet named.

· They want a sense of belonging somewhere, and have a number of self-image complications (it’s not really a set of “issues” to them, because they’ve found comfort in their body and self over time, but they still have wishes about what they could be seen as—androgyny is a tough line to straddle).

· They hate the nickname “Bella”.

· Bells, as far as I’m concerned right now, finds their sense of belonging amongst the ‘Bros ever since they just sorta started… tagging along, I guess? It was just an act of good will from the prince and his guards and a bit of hitchhiking on Bells’ end that got them where they are now.

· They were originally a bit of a vagabond prior to meeting up with the guys. Hitchhiking, walking absurdly long distances, camping out often, all that jazz.

Junko Hisayo – Persona 5 SI

Junko is a character who I largely based off of my late-high school self for both self insertion and coping reasons, but a few things do set her apart from me. As in, she’s a pretty close approximation, but by no means is she a direct, direct copy of me.

She’s a student at Kosei Academy, simply due to the fact that I read on the wiki that it’s speculated to be a catholic school (I was brought up in the catholic education system, so, I could find some accuracy and likeness in that), and attended meetings at both the drama and art club there. She has bitter memories of the two clubs, as she was betrayed by the one major figure in both: her childhood friend Hideo Sunjaya. Since then, she’s taken to expressing her creative outlets in circles outside of her student life, and finds her passion in writing. At the time of Persona 5 canon, she’s set on becoming an editor. In the future canon, she does in fact achieve this goal. In this way Junko’s less of a model of who I was, and instead she’s what I hope to be.

She comes from a somewhat broken home, but has a strong relationship with her mother. Despite her current disconnect, Junko feels that she owes it to her parents that she has such a good understanding of her own identity, as they were supportive when she first came out as sapphic, and continued their support when she decided to be GNC and soon after came into her identity as a demigirl.

Elizabeth Beaufort – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

Lizzie is a pretty lighthearted simulacrum of a more feminine version of me, translated loosely into the scope of the year 1899. I’m by no means a historian, but here’s Lizzie’s life.

Elizabeth Beaufort is a born and raised resident of the town of Valentine. Her mother is whatever the RDR2 universe’s equivalent of Quebecois French is, having moved to Saint Denis due to a family matter down there, and subsequently met her father. A Valentine resident himself, he beguiled her mother and convinced her to move to Valentine and live as the wife of a livestock owner (he comes from some blue blood ‘round those parts—as mentioned by the VDL in Chapter 2, the town is a goldmine of trade).

As a lady of relative privilege, life was… well, it was what a privileged life is. Sheltered, simple, and for the most part pretty damned easy. However, her naivete wasn’t something that her mother would stand to see Elizabeth keep, as she wanted a strong daughter who wouldn’t simply bend to the hand of tradition. Would I say that Lizzie would’ve most certainly rallied with those girls in Rhodes? YES. I’d rather die than portray any iteration of myself as complacent rather than progressive lmao. Elizabeth Beaufort flows in the vein of RDR2’s… I guess, progressive* writing? More** on that below, I guess???

*I don’t actually know how well it was received by everyone else, and honestly, I’m not even gonna try to speak on anyone else’s behalf but my own—I found that RDR2, despite some shortcomings, made itself a relatively hospitable environment for me as a white queer.

** Lizzie does struggle a lot with her internalized homophobia? Like… she had a lot of difficulty when she was younger coming to terms with the fact that she’s bisexual. This is less prevalent in her backstory considering it only ever surfaces post-canon. Yes, my SI and her FO came out to each other at random after being married to him for approximately 3 months. And it went fuckin’ great cos guess what!! Theyre both bi!! WLW/MLM solidarity!!! Don’t @ me.

Gillian Wright – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

· Gilley was brought up amongst a gang of outlaws, and her being born a woman changed nothing about the things she was taught by said gunslingers. She left the group she once called family because of the leadership turning sour. From that point forward she went it alone, shifting in and out of her identity as Gilley Wright and her masculine persona (a pseudonym-turned-identity) Giles Kingsley, to keep herself straddling notoriety and anonymity.

· Gilley only started wearing her hair short because of an encounter in which her longer hair was used as a means to pull her back into harm’s way. She lopped it off shortly after out of the feeling that it was a necessity, but soon found that she preferred it that way.

· Thaddeus, her large draft horse, once pulled carts. She took him during a robbery so that she’d have an adequate mount for her getaway. The connection was instant between them.

Taeko Atou – Tokyo Ghoul OC

Taeko went by another name before her time in the 20th ward. She had another face, another life. But that was a self she had to leave far, far behind. Before “Taeko”, she was a reckless twentysomething ghoul living off of her father’s money, basking in the upper echelons of society, indulging in Scrapper shows and seeing humanity as nothing but an unprepared buffet. The danger ranking on her CCG profile demonstrated as much.

One night, however, her cushy life changed drastically. She went out drinking after a Scrapper show with one of her friends and decided to go hunting with her. Things were as usual, they stayed in their territory, but ended up getting apprehended by a group of Doves. During the getaway, her and her friend were separated, and she had no way of knowing whether her friend was alive. Drunk, desperate, and rather terrified, she decided to abandon all else and ripped her mask off to taunt the officers. They deserved to see her face, covered in gore and as ghoulish as they came! Nothing mattered to her at that point and she wanted to give them a scare…!

That is, until the next morning, when she recovered from her hangover and realized what she’d done. One of those Doves got a picture of her. In a panic, she called her father to ask for some sort of mercy money to clear the issue up. He’s frustrated with her constantly getting into increasingly worse trouble and tells her this: he’s going to pay for her to completely change her identity and her face so that she can move elsewhere, completely out of the way of harm. After that, he’d be cutting her off, leaving her with only the savings that she had prior to the cut-off. No more handouts.

This is when she became Taeko Atou, a pseudonym based off of her Scrapper show guest alias, “Miss AT”, and moved to the 20th ward. She has to adjust to average life a la Schitt’s Creek or Arrested Development.

7. What kind of clothing style do they like? What would they never be caught dead wearing? What’s likely in their closet right now?

Bellamy Amplexus – Final Fantasy XV SI

· Bells LOVES anything that’ll make them look cute and androgynous. They’re super partial to a femme prince aesthetic. Blouses and linens and vests and suspenders and a bunch of that cute shit. (Yes, this is my preferred fashion style and I wish I could look like that all the time.) They’re also into stuff like your average sundresses and such when it’s too hot for “princey” attire because hell yeah.

· They’d hate to wear… hm… short party dresses? Cocktail dresses n shit. (No shade to those tho theyre cute. Just not Bellamy’s style.)

Junko Hisayo – Persona 5 SI

· Junko’s super masc and butch in her presentation, binds her chest, does the simple graphic tee + jeans thing a lot. Think “Kanji Tatsumi but a lesbian”.

· She lowkey doesn’t like wearing overly feminine clothes, like, she does not vibe with dresses.

Elizabeth Beaufort – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

· Lizzie is pretty standard when it comes to clothes: blouses and skirts, dresses, all just… really basic stuff. She likes simple and solid colours, maybe simple patterns. She’s also like… very cottagecore. Probably likes overalls if she ever wears ‘em?? I’m not a frickin’ historian and I’m not gonna google early 1900s clothes styles at this hour don’t @ me.

· This is literally just because I’m basic as all fuck and I like a skirt/blouse or sundress style outfit. I don’t wear it often but that’s my jazz y’know?

Gillian Wright – Red Dead Redemption 2 SI

· Gilley’s another one of my more boyish characters. She doesn’t deliberately go out of her way to look like a man unless she’s under the guise of her male persona Giles Kingsley. But let me tell you—she goes all out for those occasions, even electing to simulate stubble on her face with cosmetics. Think “cowboy drag king” and you’ll hit the mark.

· Other than that, she just wears whatever’s convenient and comfortable.

9. Their favorite foods? Colors? Activities? What do they enjoy in life? How do they express their joy for things they like?

As dumb as this sounds I completely burnt out after writing only 2 self insert likes/interests profiles, forgive me lol.

Bellamy Amplexus – Final Fantasy XV SI

· Favourite Food: Bells is indecisive, but they will gladly eat anything Ignis puts in front of them. They’re thoroughly convinced he uses magic in his cooking. (They’re only half joking about that—it’s so good!) If they were made to decide a top three, it’d likely be Garden Curry, Broiled King on a Stick, and Moogle Mousse with Kupoberry Sauce. Honorable mention being Gyashi Chips (yes, they like what’s effectively Eosian kale chips).

· Favourite Colours: ANYTHING PASTEL will win Bellamy over, along with any colour considered light and airy. White, silver, pale green, soft gold, baby blue, lavender, and also whatever the sky has going on at any given time of the day—they’re an aesthetic little shit.

· Favourite Activities: Travelling, leisure shopping when funds allow it (if given the means, Bellamy will 100% engage in excessive retail therapy, no joke), swimming, loving their friends, talking about books and music, gardening, and (I know this sounds vain but bear with me) preening. Yes, they’d be a vlogger in another life. Don’t @ me

· Bells loves to talk in excess about what they like, and on occasion, when words fail, they tend to express it through squealing, jumping, etc. If someone points out how passionate Bells is about these things, they’ll end up flustered and ask the person if they could continue. I guess you could say Bellamy stims? I’m not diagnosed with anything, so take this with a grain of salt, but I do have stimming habits.

Junko Hisayo – Persona 5 SI

· Favourite Food: Junko’s pretty partial to miso soup. It’s one of her weaknesses. Total comfort food. (Bro I fuckin’ love miso soup.) As well as baked goods like cupcakes.

· Favourite Colours: Red, black, silver, pink, blue, purple.

· Favourite Activities: drawing (sketches, scribbles, doodles, colouring, etc., singing, baking/cooking, writing, and she learned to love gardening after getting close to Haru.

· Junko tends to show her happiness through verbal and artistic expression, she’s also the type that tends to crack jokes (mostly shitty puns followed up by finger guns).

Again, thank you so much for asking, thank you so much for asking! QwQ Asks are still open, everyone.

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prettylittlelyres · 5 years

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This Still Happens: Gordon Benn and Religion

Ffion shrugs Scott's hand off her shoulder and snaps at him. "Don't fucking touch me! And don't tell me how to feel about Gordon disrespecting my God!"

Oh, for fuck's sake. I scoff. "Ffion," I say, as if she's three and I'm thirty-three, "It's only disrespectful if the thing I'm talking about is worthy of respect. Else, it's just called talking."

I've passed 11,000 words on this draft of This Still Happens, and I'm getting near to the end of Chapter Two, which is where things really take an awful turn.

We're seeing a really nasty side to Gordon in this chapter. He's hurting inside, and he's lashing out at other people--mainly Sophie and Ffion so far--because of it. That's in no way OK, and I'm in no way condoning it, but I do think it needs talking about.

As a Queer Catholic, I have a really complicated relationship with God--as do most people--but I've often felt like I can't do the religion thing and be Sapphic. Luckily I've always been aware that being Queer isn't smething I can change--it's just the way I am--so I've never been in such a place where I've tried to "fix" myself in order to feel like a proper Catholic... but its gone the other way. For a long time I felt like I couldn't believe in God, because I was always told to pray for the the homophobic bullying I've experienced to stop... and then it didn't. Instead of blaming the adults I should have been able to trust, I blamed God, and decided I didn't want to know Him.

If He would allow such horrible things to happen, why would I? In later years I've come to realise that it wasn't God who allowed it to happen, but authority figures--teachers, parents--and that God never would allow it to happen.

This is a major reason why I don't believe God to be omnipotent. Omnibenevolent, yes, and omniscient, yes. He knows who I am and He loves me--He made me that way--and He knows what happened... but He couldn't have stopped it. Humans do bad things to each other, and it's gone beyond a level God can control. I hate that, I really do. But it's not God's fault, and through Him I've been able to find better acceptance of myself as a biromantic lesbian, far more than I would ever have found growing up in the house, the town, the environment I grew up in.

My approach to Catholicism is by no means traditional. I don't go to Church, I'm not baptised or confirmed, and I don't believe in the omnipotent God most Catholics--for example, my Grandma--do (did, in Grandma's case, may she rest in peace). But I do feel it gives me a sense of protection, stops me from feeling isolated, and stops me from feeling powerless in times of trouble. I pray at home, I pray at university, and I pray when I'm out and about, for safety and happiness for my friends and me. I feel God in nature, God by the sea, God in the forests where I walk, and I feel better about the world and the people in it. God wants what's best for us, His children, and He would give it to us if we could. But most effort must come from us--people--because there's only so much God can do.

We must be the ones to seek happiness and to create it for other people. We must be kind. We must not lash out, even when we are in pain; that just creates so much more, pushing the world even further from the one God wants us to inhabit.

Gordon takes a different view. and we see that in the way he interacts with Ffion McDade, a Baptist girl in his class, and Sophie Wainwright, his friend of many years, herself a devout Roman Catholic.

"Soph, come on. Be reasonable about this," I say, leaning on my upturned hockey stick as Chris hands out bibs and Sophie pretends to be intrigued by the patchy grass.. "Chris loves you so, so much. Please don't throw that away on my account. I'm OK, I promise. He made a bit of a silly mistake, but, honestly, I think he was just a bit… knocked for six by my coming out. Given time, he'll be every bit as accepting as everyone else. You'll see."

Sophie huffs, and thumps the ground with the curved end of her stick. "That's only part of it," she mutters, "There's a lot more to it than you know, more to it than you can understand. By treating you like crap for being gay—the way God made you, by the way—Chris is saying God made a mistake. And I can't be OK with that, Gordon. You know I can't."

I shrug. "I don't care. I don't believe in God."

"Yeah? Well, I do," Sophie says, hooking her thumb around the chain of her necklace and showing me her crucifix, as if I needed reminding that she's Catholic, like most people in Chase Valley. I'm constantly being reminded of how fucking Catholic everyone is. Pisses me off no end.

Sophie sets her jaw, and speaks through gritted teeth. "So I'm sure you'll forgive me for being uncomfortable with Chris turning his back on you for the way God made you."

I snort with laughter. "I don't think he'll be turning his back on me any time soon, Soph. That's kind of the point."

"For fuck's sake, Gordon, that's my boyfriend you're talking about!" she snaps, putting her hands on her hips and scowling at me with hard black eyes. "Can you try and take this seriously? This isn't easy for me!"

"Fine," I say, "I'm very sorry your boyfriend's a little bit homophobic. But I'm fine. And he's apologised. And he's trying to be better. So I don't know why you're getting so pissed off about all this. It's not like it affects you."

Sophie rolls her eyes and mutters heavenwards. "You have no fucking clue what you're talking about, do you?" she says, turning her eyes back on me.

I shake my head. "Apparently not."

We're seeing everything from Gordon's point of view in Chapter Two. That's the benefit--and the drawback--of the first-person style. Although we get a very clear picture of what Gordon's thinking and feeling, and therefore a better understanding of why he acts the way and does the things he does... we don't get that for other characters, because nor does Gordon. Something we'll learn about Gordon in coming chapters is that he's very set in his ways, very determined to hold onto his views, and little ready to listen to those that differ. He rejects the idea of religion because he thinks it makes people closed-minded, but never stops to think that he himself is closed-minded. And that's his main problem.

Gordon won't see Soph's point of view because it involves a belief in God. What Gordon doesn't know--because nobody has told him, and he's only seeing the world through his own eyes--is that Sophie is bisexual, and has been struggling to reconcile this with her faith. A few days ago, she went to Confession, and confided all this in Father Matthew... expecting ostracism... but finding acceptance. Father Matthew tells her it's OK to be Sapphic, because God made her that way... but Gordon doesn't know. He expects the same rejection of his gayness that Sophie expected for her bisexuality, and because he deliberately steers clear of the Church... which means he never gets to know what is actually being said there.

Much as Gordon might want to think he's super-open-minded due to his militant atheism, he's actually closing his mind off to the idea that there's a higher power who loves him the way he is. While he has no problem accepting himself as gay or anything else--any other aspect of his identity or personality--he creates for himself an extra sense of persecution on top of that which he already experiences as societal homophobia. It's a shame, really. It turns him into this angry person who won't see other people's viewpoints, and picks arguments where there really aren't any.

As a result, he misses out on friendships, pushing people away because he expects them to hate him. And while sometimes he's right about that, he's often wrong. By avoiding talking to Ffion--who is proud to be Christian, proud to be Baptist, and feels at home in her Church--he never gets to know her properly. Unfortunately, Ffion's particular Church community is very scornful of the LGBT Community, and she ends up seeing him in a similar way, as someone to be avoided, and so she too never says a friendly word to him. There's this massive divide between them, created by their expectations of each other, which neither of them can surpass until they start to question those.

Because they're both so closed-minded, they can't do that on their own; it takes the work of their mutual friends and the creation of some desperately horrible circumstances for them each to realise the other isn't so bad. There's a friendship coming out of this, but not for a while.

Gordon has to change dramatically first, just as much as Ffion does. Can he overcome imagined prejudices in order to save and create friendships in the face of real ones?

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yelloskello · 5 years

Text

i fucking hate the stag/doe - butch/femme thing. I hate it. I hate that we are explicitly told that we’re not allowed to use these terms, and for what? I went a’googling to see what lesbians were actually saying in regards to why they’re lesbian-exclusive, read the arguments straight from the horse’s mouth, and it amounts to this:

TERFs (and no, I do not mean lesbians = terfs, I mean it is TERFS who came up with this) straight-up believe that bi women and trans women just weren’t there in our history. They say that butch and femme carry the weight of a painful history and fighting for our rights in the words, and that when anybody but lesbians use the terms, they’re putting it on like a fancy dress and calling it an aesthetic.

As if bi women and trans women just straight-up weren’t there for that history, too.

They argue that ‘nobody fights men to use phrases like bear/otter/twink!’ and quite frankly, i’m pretty fuckin’ sure bisexual men and/or trans men can happily use those terms, too, so shitty argument there pal.

So they kick us out of a history that we were actively a part of, and younger lesbians who want to do the right thing but don’t know the history of this argument latch onto it, and bisexual people... Within the last year... Create the terms stag/doe, since it’s evidently morally wrong to use terms that are part of our own history, but since we can experience the same kind of dynamics in our relationships, we need SOMETHING to describe them. And what do people say?

‘wtf this is so dumb/fucked up, this is just watered/down butch and femme, they’re literally the same thing, why would you make up new words to mean the same thing?’

because we experience the same goddamn thing, just because we like multiple genders doesn’t mean we always hop on “opposite” genders, we can have relationships with similar-gendered/nonbinary people, even outside of a relationship we are still part of the community, we still experience Gay Attraction, and it can still be part of our identity because we’re still LGBT+, but we’re not allowed to use those terms! We’re damned if we do, and damned if we don’t.

I hate the wave of separatism that we’ve gone through. I hate the idea that everything has to have shit exclusively for them, even if it has a history of being used by multiple sexualities. I hate that people think No Experiences Overlap Ever, when in truth, marginalized people (and I don’t mean just queer/LGBT+ people - I mean PoC, disabled folks, etc) have SO much more in common than anyone might ever think. Yes, some groups do have things that exclusively happen to them, as a white person i’m NEVER going to fully understand the struggle that brown and black people go through, there’s SO much i’m still ignorant to concerning that, i’ll never pretend all our experiences are exactly the same, but there are also at least some issues that I can strongly empathize with because I hear what they go through and can see similarities in the way i’m treated as an AFAB person or as a bi person or as a nonbinary person. A microaggression because you’re gay and a microaggression because you’re brown are both microaggressions, even if they’re presented in different ways, over different issues. Multiple groups are denied housing and jobs for their identities, even if it’s done quietly behind closed doors so the law doesn’t crack down on peoples’ bigotry. As a trans person I can feel the personal pain of my people being accosted in bathrooms by bigots, and I can look at how black people are assumed to be criminals by virtue of simply walking around in a store, and even though the issues are very different, I can see the similarities - we both are mistrusted by “””normal””” society based on hideous stereotypes - and I can feel for them, even if I don’t experience being assumed to be a criminal personally. I listen to them and I believe them not just because they’re fucking people who deserved to be listened to and believed, but because I have seen how general society treats people like me, so why should it be so hard to believe they could be treated like shit, too?

People think that our struggles are so fucking exclusive that they lose all empathy for other groups, thinking that the only people who have ever suffered are themselves. It’s always baffled me that LGBT+ people can be so fucking ignorant and racist and hateful when you think they’d be able to tap into their own hurt and understand that other people are being treated in similar ways because they’re ‘different’, too. But then again, LGBT+ people can barely understand how other subsets of LGBT+ people have struggled, so I guess it shouldn’t be that surprising. I think of how ace people can write a laundry list of things they personally experience, and other subsets will scoff and say ‘yeah as if we don’t go through that too’, completely fucking ignoring what that overlap means. Thinking that since they go through that, anybody else who reports that they might, too, are just Faking, or trying to steal the spotlight. How can people so completely lack empathy? Why are we not there for each other? Why do we not care about anybody else? Why can’t we recognize the same fucking pain we’re all going through, even if that same pain comes in different flavors, and try to be there for each other because nobody should have to go through what we’re going through?

Like, it’s a complicated issue. Like I said, yeah, groups do have stuff that effects them exclusively, and it can be frustrating to express unhappiness with something exclusive to your group and have people who clearly aren’t actually understanding what you’re going through say they can relate. But denying that there are any similarities at all just drives us farther apart when right now marginalized people desperately need the support of one-another.

(I was gonna give bi people’s Double Discrimination as an example of that exclusivity, unwanted by communities on either side of the fence, since obviously lesbians and gays don’t experience that... But y’know who probably can empathize? Mixed race folks. Or folks with invisible disabilities. Or ANYONE who’s caught between both communities, not x enough for one and not y enough for the other.)

Speaking only of communities that I am personally in: in LGBT+ circles, separatism breaks up the subsets and causes infighting. In circles concerning disability and mental/physical illness, it isolates its members, denies them support, makes them feel like nobody truly understands, even people dealing with the exact same disability or illness, because symptoms can be so widespread and varied. Hell, even when dealing with our oppressors, separatism fails to actually try and change the views of the people oppressing us: i’d much rather have narratives where men are gentle, kind, feminine, loving, supporting, open to their emotions, and respectful permeating our culture, teaching young boys how to be as they grow, than narratives where men are just evil.

There’s a lot of gray area. There are people who have been so hurt by oppression that I do not blame them one bit for prescribing to a separatist narrative. But I mean in a general sense... I don’t want separatism to be pervasive. I don’t want it to be the mindset people automatically turn to regardless of what they’ve gone through. I want sympathy and support for the people who have been hurt, and I want the groups that have been doing the hurting to change. I want people to recognize the similarities between each other and be unafraid of empathizing and sharing.

The butch/femme and doe/stag thing is a result of separatism, and I can see where they get the idea for it - basically pulling the ideas of appropriation from communities of PoC telling white people not to appropriate their stuff - but they’re lashing out at the wrong people. When a white person appropriates locs, they’re seen by the public eye as being carefree, trendy, and cool, while black folks are still punished for wearing the same look that occurs naturally for them. When a white person puts on a war bonnet, they’re seen as being high-fashion and ‘exotic~~~’, while literally desecrating a sacred part of a culture they don’t belong to in any way, shape, or form. When a bi person calls themselves butch, they’re a part of the community that shares the exact same history, their histories are literally interwoven, and experiences extremely similar dynamics, at the very least, as lesbians. These are two very different things. Tell cis/straight people not to appropriate the terms, but remember, other LGBT+/queer people aren’t fucking cis/straight.

anyways this got way longer than I was expecting but shit, I got like 60 followers, who gives a damn what I say, right? peace.

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spacerhapsody · 6 years

Text

85 questions tag game

I was tagged by @yasisworld - thank you, I hadn’t done one of these for ages! :D

last?

drink: water

phone call: a co-worker from another location at work

text message: a friend… about soaps, lmao.

song you listened to: Heroes – David Bowie

time you cried: last weekend? ugh PMS, making everything ten times more dramatic

ever?

dated someone twice: no

kissed someone and regretted it: ugh, yes.

been cheated on: no

lost someone special: special to me, yes.

gotten drunk and thrown up: yes, and trust me, I learned more than one lesson that time.

fave colors?

purple

turquoise

red

in the last year have you?

made new friends: yes

fallen out of love: no (unless you count football, because wow, that’s such a mess)

laughed until you cried: yes

found out someone was talking about you: no

met someone who changed you: in a way

found out who your friends are: no

kissed someone on your facebook friends list: no

general

how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them, and the ones I’ve never met I’ve still known for a pretty long time.

do you have any pets: not anymore

do you want to change your name: no, I’m pretty happy with it :)

what did you do for your last birthday: I think I made at least two rhubarb cakes that day, one for my family and one for work. I also took my birthday off from Facebook and realized that I really don’t care about empty wished from people I don’t really care about, and how nice it is that almost all of the people who mattered cared, anyways.

what time did you wake up today: 8am (we went to the beer garden to celebrate a birthday last night, sue me)

what were you doing last night at midnight: finally home sleeping!

what is something you can’t wait for: THE WEEKEND, this week is going on forever already. Also, it’s my brother’s birthday and the cake he wants sounded like a lot of fun to make, so I’m kind of looking forward to it.

what are you listening to right now: the washing machine next room because I’m too lazy to get up and close the doors.

have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes, I actually did so today.

something that gets on your nerves: right now? My boss, and probably myself tbh.

most visited website: Firefox says Twitter which kind of surprises me because I’ve not been using it that much lately??? (I really need new people to follow.)

hair colour: dark brown

long or short hair: rather short

what do you like about yourself: the fact that I do enjoy trying new things, even when some of them scare the hell out of me at first.

want any piercings: I want the third one in each ear back, yes!

blood type: 0+

nicknames: none tbh, mostly because my name is pretty short as it is and I’m not a huge fan of “Tanni”.

relationship status: single, still not sure how to mingle

zodiac sign: Aries

pronouns: she/her

fave tv show: Black Sails, Ashes to Ashes, Queer Eye

tattoos: none, but I want one! My main problem is that the best tattoo artist in the area has a fucking long wait list and you need to apply with the tattoo you want and then you might or might not get chosen for that wait list, and the one I want probably isn’t that special. Of course they’ve ruined every other artist for me.

right or left handed: right handed

ever had surgery: no

piercings: the remaining four in my ears.

sports: I watch football, even though it’s complicated, and I really should start doing zumba again.

vacation: IT’S BEEN TO LONG. My last proper one was to London in 2013.

trainers: I’ve discovered my love for them over the last few years. My favourite pair right now are the light blue/grey Puma ones I bought this year because they’re some of the most comfortable ones I’ve ever owned <3

eating: yes? Like, I do eat? I enjoy good food? What’s even the question here?

drinking: also yes? Both in the “I do drink a lot of water and stay reasonably hydrated most days” and the “I do occasionally drink alcohol” way? Also, I feel like I should give a shout-out to coffee here.

i’m about to watch: uuugh, I don’t know. I finished Happy! And caught up on Ducktales the other day and now I have to find something else. I kind of want to rewatch Black Sails, though.

waiting for: myself to get my shit together again

want: I’m stealing this answer because, god yes, a new job would be nice

get married: right now I can’t really see it

career: not right now

hugs or kisses: hugs

lips or eyes: eyes

shorter or taller: taller?

older or younger: omg I hate these questions, who cares?

nice arms or stomach: arms, probably?

hookup or relationship: hookup? I don’t think I can handle a relationship on top of everything right now tbh.

troublemaker or hesitant: a good mixture.

have you ever?

kissed a stranger: yes

drank hard liquor: yes, but unless it’s a small amount in a cocktail or something I’m not a big fan of that anymore.

lost glasses: thankfully not.

turned someone down: yes

sex on the first date: no

broken someone’s heart: I hope not

had your heart broken: yeah

been arrested: no

cried when someone died: yes

fallen for a friend: I’d say no, but in hindsight I’m not 100% sure anymore

do you believe in?

yourself: on good days, yes.

miracles: sometimes

love at first sight: not real love, no.

kiss on the first date: if it feels right for the date, sure!

angels: no

other?

best friend’s name: idek anymore, i guess

eye colour: blue-grey

fave movie: Back to the Future, Star Trek IV, Rise of the Guardians, and don’t judge me, but my latest happy place movie is actually The 10 Year Plan

favourite actor: I don’t really have one. The last one was Johnny Depp, and we all know how that went down…

favourite food: those gnocchi al forno the Italian restaurant near my workplace makes.

extrovert or introvert: introvert

favourite flower: daisies? Maybe sunflowers.

favourite hello kitty characters: there are more Hello Kitty characters than just Hello Kitty…?

#meme answers

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flippyspoon · 6 years

Note

hey flippy!! i was wondering, do you have any thoughts about billy and lucas?? like, how would billy apologize and how would lucas react??? if they become friends and how it would happen?? do they have things in common or not??

Oh man, I have lots of thoughts about Billy and Lucas. Haven’t written a ton about it because it’s the most complicated factor in Billy’s evolution and my thoughts aren’t totally organized lol.

This is a looong answer:

First, I think it’s disingenuous to talk about it without factoring in race. I think Billy’s actions were racist but that it’s coming from his dad. I don’t think Billy is like deliberately married to racist ideology but that he’s reflexively parroting his dad who he’s been forced to submit to all around. And I like to compare it to Steve who snaps at Jonathan in s1 “I always thought you were queer” and “your family’s a disgrace to the entire town.” It’s all the bullshit he’s repeating.

(One thing I played with a little in a fic is Billy observing the Sinclair family in comparison to his own-like I had him dropping Max at the arcade and seeing Lucas’s dad being sweet with Lucas and Erica and Billy absorbing really absorbing that and thinking back on it when Neil is later talking shit about “those people.” I love that the Sinclairs are by far the most stable family in Hawkins.)

Okay so.

I imagine them becoming cool with each other pretty gradually, ideally with monster fighting involved. Seriously. Like there are different ways to go but my #1 with a bullet utopian version would be that Billy stumbles into fighting monsters with them and everyone’s forced into danger together. Not that there still isn’t contention. Like maybe there are a couple fights and they don’t even interact. At this point Billy is irritating but necessary but nobody thinks he’s going to beat any of them up- maybe he’s just friends with Steve at this point. He’s still a dick too but they mainly roll their eyes. The boys talk shit about him behind his back, maybe Max knows what goes on with Neil but doesn’t talk about it with them.

OH YEAH I also have this idea of say some of The Party taking a vote as to whether Billy should fight with them or not. And both Max and Lucas vote yes and Dustin’s like, “You only voted for Billy because Max did!” And Lucas, who has no love at all for Billy at this point is like, “No, that’s not why! First, he’s a great fighter. Obviously. You said yourself he’s a born Barbarian. He could take out like three demogorgons if he was pissed off enough. AND he’s got a car!” Because Lucas is Mr. Pragmatic.

Ok so even after that- Lucas hates Billy.

But sooner or later they’re going to cross paths. Maybe Billy just saved Lucas in a fight or vice versa OR OOOH maybe they’re trapped somewhere. OH no my fic senses are tingling. Okay, they get trapped in some tunnel cave or something and they’re hiding from demogorgons or waiting for them all to pass so they can catch up with the others, somehow Billy and Lucas got separated. Now they’re crouched together in this cave or something. At this point Lucas has no fear of Billy going after him at all but there’s still bad blood really because they’ve never talked about it. And maybe this is where the apology happens.

Lucas is just like, “Can’t believe I’m stuck here with you.”

Billy says, “Wasn’t my first choice either.”

“Such an asshole.”

Billy’s sort of indignant. “I’m just sitting here, Sinclair. Jesus. Why don’t you shut the hell up?”

“Never even apologized.” He doesn’t have to say for what.

And it’s quiet for a minute and Billy starts to open his mouth and say, “I’m…sorry about-”

And then Lucas is suddenly: “SHIT!”

And a demogorgon attacks and Billy isn’t trying to be heroic but it’s just reflexes at this point and he jumps between Lucas and the demogorgon and takes it out (with his trusty axe) and gets injured and he’s clenching his teeth, “Shit shit shit fuck.” His arm’s clawed up or something and Lucas takes off his jacket and ties it around Billy’s arm and they have to wait for the others and they’re both pretty freaked out.

Lucas is like, “This is bullshit. I don’t want to die here with you.”

Billy’s like, “I just saved your life, dickhead.”

“Yeah, but still.”

“…I apologized.”

“Fine.”

“Sinclair. I said I was sorry and I saved you from a fucking monster. Can we call it even or what?”

Lucas gives Billy a long look and says, “Yeah. We’re square.”

“Halle-fuckin’-lujah.”

And maybe they’re sitting there a while, Billy trying not to think about the pain, his arms bleeding way too much, he feels weak. Lucas is actually worried which is annoying.

Billy breathing shallow and he’s like, “Hey, ya know, Sinclair… Now I get to know ya… Kinda glad Max picked you over the other nerds.”

“Yeah,” Sinclair says. “Why’s that?”

“I dunno. You’re the only one of them with your head on straight I guess.”

Lucas kind of snorts at that. But it’s true lol.

Lucas says, “Shouldn’t talk too much. Save your strength”

“Sinclair, if I bleed to death, I want you to tell Max-”

“Shut up, Hargrove. Don’t be dramatic.”

AAAAH imagine Max hugging both of them when they get out of that.

I mean I want Billy to be friends with everybody lol. I had one idea that Lucas hits his head in a fight and he’s not supposed to sleep all night and the only one who can stay up all night no problem after a fight is Billy (like Steve can but it depends on his mood). So Billy stays up all night with Lucas and feeds him coffee and claps his hands in front of Lucas’s face to keep him awake and they kind of bond.

There’s like a whole timeline in my head where they’re in a state of Perpetual Monster War rather than fighting like once a year. I dunno if any of y’all are there with me in that world. But in that world I imagine Lucas as being like the strategic guy about battle, and becoming like Steve’s lieutenant. Maybe it’s like his pragmatism and realism can make him focus the other guys’ crazier ideas into a better plan. And he’s also the guy to keep his eyes on the prize, whatever the objective is (i.e. “Idc about this superpowered chick, I just want to save Will ok”).

It’s hard to know if they could have stuff in common at this point. If they were both fighters, I think they would be the two of the better ones so there would be mutual respect there. But in a world where they’ve become friendly like slightly older Lucas-I could imagine them teamed up and Billy being Mr. Reckless while Lucas is always “WHOA WHOA LET’S MAKE A PLAN FIRST OK.”

Billy’s like, “I have a plan. We bust into the lab and I punch that goddamn Russian asshole.”

“That’s not a plan! Hold on, let me get my binoculars.”

“Oh my God.”

#mullet wearing asshole #billy hargrove #i'm afraid of tagging this for lucas lol

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vtori73 · 3 years

Text

*me recalling a post someone shared on labels*

Okay... it's still bugging me so I'm going to just talk about it. So, a post I saw ON HERE not twitter or Instagram or anywhere else but HERE where I normally don't expect to see posts like this waa reblogged to my dash. Im not going to say it's necessarily all bad but I am still a bit surprised that I saw it & just... doesn't really, at least too me, make any good arguments and more so comes off as wanting to police identities & caring more about understandability then actually caring about LGBTIA+/ Queer people.

Instead of forcing you all to scroll through my whole post if you don't want to read my word vomit I'll add a read more (quick cw for brief mention of harrasment/assault):

Now the basic gist of the post was wanting people to change the conversation of if certain labels are "valid" to "are these labels necessary or useful" which... in my honest opinion I think both conversation either way are kind of... pointless. They just feel like they kind of take time away from actual important topics that we, the LGBTIA/Queer community, should be having. Why are we still bothering with this pointlessness of labels similar to how people are overly obsessed with flag discourse or slur discourse NONE OF THIS ACTUALLY MATTERS FOR FUCKS SAKE in the grand scheme of things.

I'm not saying some labels can't be problematic of course... well probably. Like, for example this one I heard someone bring up that was put on a wiki about "wanting to have pure bloodlines" or something like that but... I feel like I shouldn't have to explain ALL of the why's to why that one shouldn't count as a legit example. Anyway, I bring this up because this WAS brought up as a counter to the argument someone made about labels, most likely a pro-label argument I don't remember exactly what was being said though this was Twitter not Tumblr though so it was unrelated to the post I'm discussing here.

This tumblr post I saw just seems like the thinking/foundation for what I see a lot in the gate-keeping LGBTIA+/Queer community. Bi people who are Panphobic using similar arguments against each other or against the other lesser known mspec identities such as Omni or Poly. Or more recently the arguments against mspec lesbians or more specifically bi/pan-lesbians and usually the arguments I find being used against these labels make LESS sense then pro-labels people who go "labels are valid."

Anyway I bring this up because when it comes to people against labels, discussing the importance of legitimacy of labels, and similar arguments tends to sound exactly like the arguments people who do police identities and such like transmeds, terfs, homophobes, biphobes etc. Why do our labels NEED to be useful, need to be understood? We don't seem to care about straight, cis, allo people understanding so why should we care when it comes to people within as well? Being "understood" also seems kind of... what's the word... "Pointless?" No, not exactly what I was going for but... it's close enough. Even when non-queer people DO understand us and our labels it doesn't somehow automatically make them allies to us, even the self-proclaimed allies who understand can still work against our best interests so why are we putting importance in ANYONE understanding our labels?

For example purposes I will breakdown the arguments against the label.

Okay so, people who are doing what op said they wanted to see more of in the post I'm referencing here were basically saying (that's isn't just x is bad) "Bi lesbians are harmful to the Lesbian community because men will use it as an excuse bother us/it shows men were available to them. Bi lesbians are also bad because they are tearing down something Bi people worked hard for, to have their own separate community. Bi-lesbians also are bad because terfs created the term."

Alright, so for the first point this one isn't obvious to some but is for many other how messed up the argument is because it basically amounts to nothing more then victim blaming, basically "your asking to be harassed by men if you can possibly be attracted to them" which is a huge slap in the face to straight, but ESPECIALLY bi women who ARE statistically more often victims of abuse. Not to mention this argument makes less sense you you recall that lesbians often DO voice how men will continue to hit on them REGARDLESS of what they say their sexuality is so if straight men decided to use "bi-lesbians" as an excuse one day it only really proves how insidious they are and not the labels legitimacy.

For the second point this is normally made by Lesbians and... look im not saying you can't speak up for us but what made this even WORSE specifically was that Lesbians at the same time were saying that ONLY Lesbians can speak on this "bi-lesbian" discourse which just... voids any good will they may have had initially. You don't GET to speak about others identities & their histories while ALSO telling them to shut the fuck up because thats NOT how this shit works especially when you're spouting ahistorical nonsense. Which yeah, they were/are. The argument was not only bad because of the speaking over Bi people but it was also just legitimately WRONg... well, maybe at the least just glosses over some BIG details. Like, for example that, yes, Bi people DID work hard to make their own space BUT were you also aware that Bi people WERE apart of the Lesbian community with open arms for a time before political lesbianism became a thing & took power in the Lesbian community which resulted in kicking out anyone they didn't like because I feel leaving that out is kind of wrong but I guess it does make their argument look bad. Also not to mention that as a Bi person bi-lesbians don't bother me, they don't negativity effect Bi people just by existing so I have no qualms with them & a decent amount of other Bi people feel the same so... like I said before don't speak for a community you're not apart of, especially when you're also telling us to shut up at the same time!

The last point is also wrong, I'm not bringing up sources but basically the idea that terfs started is actually, you guessed it, due to terfs! Sorry.. that's probably confusing but actually terfs don't like the label so they started the misinformation that terfs(& similar) started it to get people against it which makes sense if you understand who terfs hate. Terfs, specifically the ones within the lesbian community are not much different from political lesbians & I wouldn't be all that surprised if thats what a lot them were or would have been if that was still a thing. I would say a closer equivalent would be "gold star Lesbians" or anyone who thinks it's a good term but ANYWAY the point was that a lot the Lesbians who hold one of these beliefs/identities TENDS to hold the other because they aren't all that much different so it's easy to see why they would want to destroy the term vs actually want it around.

I almost forgot one part of the argument though, and that was that the misinformation was that "terfs created it too separate trans lesbians from the lesbian label" which... Look I'm sorry but if you know terfs this honestly doesn't make all that much sense, yes terfs ARE mainly against trans people it's in the name but don't lie and tell me that plenty of terfs also haven't been found to be against queer, bi, & asexual people as well so I don't see them wanting to ever create the term "bi-lesbian" even if it is to be transphobic. But if we disregard that line of thinking the argument also falls flat when you immediately just... TALK to any Bi-lesbian and ask them why they use label because most who use it tend to be non-binary people who have fluid genders and thus have complicated relationships with their sexuality. Even then some just use it too mean they have strong connections to the Lesbian community for whatever reason! There are probably other reasons but my brains fried so that's all I'm listing but I feel like my point should have sank in by now anyway.

So, after having bare through my long example I hope my point has gotten through but if it hasn't I will summarize: not all labels in the end are going to be "helpful, useful, or needed" BUT that's doesn't make them bad just because of that fact and policing labels & identities in the end is more harmful to the community then not. Instead of caring whether a label is useful or not let's instead focus on making sure we don't allow harmful, bigoted rhetoric and thinking to continue to thrive and permeate our communities, whether online or not so we can keep them from overtaking our spaces... again. And if there really are ACTUALLY harmful labels popping up let's MAKE SURE they are actually harmful and then deal with them accordingly!

Note: if your curious as to why I wrote "LGBTIA+/Queer" I'm going to explain below:

Basically I do it because I feel its weird to put Queer in the middle of acronyms that fall under the queer umbrella. Not to mention that I think it makes more sense to have it be a separate thing considering plenty of queer people don't care for the term being used for them or with them/etc. I like to use Queer for all people who can fall under the term & are accepting/ok with it being used for them more then I like to use the acronym but the acronym is good for anyone who doesn't like to use Queer or for allies to use. I'm not saying it's perfect thinking or other people should change how they use the labels/acronym but that's just my reasoning and I don't see any actual negatives too it so I used it here but as always I'm open to being wrong!

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crumblingremnants · 7 years

Text

A Follower’s Faith

“You didn’t have to be so rude about it, you know. Plush selection is a very delicate process.” Haos told Baozhai, somewhat displeased he had to abandon his lovely conversation with Nysa. “I know David is-” “You know nothing about David.” Baozhai snarled, glad she was free from that stuffy museum for once. “Arrogant man, to have the gall to act so high and mighty around me. I’ll have Hui hold him down and torture him slowly next time we meet.” The Cofagrigus growled. Haos merely sighed, he knew the empress would not discuss it openly with him. Such a stubborn woman. Considering her background, the Gothitelle wasn’t surprised in the least.

“Well, all that aside, at least seeing your old followers should cheer you up, no?” Haos inquired, a question that suddenly pulled the empress from her anger. “You have thought up of a story, no? I would hate to think all my time perusing was all for naught.” Haos huffed, knowing all too well the complicated backstory behind Baozhai’s reasons. “I have, I take it that if they’ve remained loyal all this time. It shouldn’t be too difficult to convince them of my reasons. And no, I don’t take them to be idiots either, there are reasons I selected them to be pillars beyond mere strength.” Baozhai murmured, still lost in deep thought.”

“And pray tell, what exactly is your story?” Haos asked, only to get a confident grin from his associate. “Now Haos, what fun would there be if I spoiled you now? Have faith in it as much as I would~” The Cofagrigus chuckled lowly, all Haos could do was sigh. “No, I suppose there wouldn’t be. Heaven’s know what would happen if we had our story together.” The Gothitelle went silent, knew there would be no use in arguing with Baozhai any further. For now, the psychic simply wished to enjoy the silence while he still could. It was rather curious. A dapper gentleman, a product of the finer things in the modern world traveling alongside with an empress of the ancient times. Strong, cold, and above all, proud. A finely honed weapon, ready to carve through her enemies in a moment’s notice. To the outsider, such a pair walking together would be most queer. But to them, it was as natural as breathing.

They remained silent for hours, Baozhai never questioning where her smaller compatriot led until eventually, one could hear what sounded like heated bickering between a gruff man and a smartass with nothing to lose. Haos gestured at Baozhai to remain behind and silent as he went forward. Unsurprising to the Gothitelle. His esteemed colleague, Jarvis had gotten into a rather coarse argument with Guo, the warrior of Baozhai’s posse.

“Fer the last time, I ain’t apologizing to that lovey dovey bitch!” Jarvis spat, glaring at the other ghosts. “I didn’t ask for any goddamn sympathy! Next time she touches me, I’m ripping off one of her fingers.” The Gardevoir spat, not at all intimidated by Guo’s imposing presence, even as the armored specter loomed over him “Hui may be a kind fool, but the moment someone threatens our honor, I will not hesitate to destroy you.” The large ghost growled, only to be further irritated by the drunken Gardevoir’s challenging face. “Yeah, what good is honor to the dead? You keep waitin fer yer beloved empress. I’ll be next to my ‘luggage’, waiting for that jackass to return.” Jarvis snarled, walking slowly towards the area Herald slumbered. Guo was on the verge of stomping over and flattening Jarvis to the ground, only to be restrained by Hui, shaking her head no. “It’s not worth it, Guo. We knew we were taking a chance. Perhaps it would be best if we just-”

“Leave?” The Gothitelle interrupted, walking in with an apologetic look on his face. “Goodness, had I known I was keeping you waiting for so long. I would have hurried. Apologies.” Haos bowed in a humble manner. But Guo wasn’t having none of it. Stomping up to Haos, the large ghost’s face had contorted in an expression of impatience and anger. “You would have us wait? No, I will not suffer your insolence anymore!” Guo yelled, his voice shaking the air as he stomped towards Haos, fist ready to pummel the Gothitelle. Haos showed no sign of fear or hesitation, even as Guo coiled his arm back, ready to slam his fist into the Gothitelle’s face when a voice suddenly boomed out before him. “Guo, cease your hostilities at once. You’re embarrassing me in front of a dear friend!” Guo froze in place, his pupils shrinking as he and the other two followers could hardly believe what they were hearing. Lowering his fist, Guo slowly turned to see a face, altered by death, yet retained the fierceness and pride that engraved in his mind, even after all these years.

Baozhai stood before them, her crimson armor with gold trimmings complimented by the lovely amber eyes adorned on her smooth face. The very symbol of beauty and power. “... B-Baozhai?” Guo asked, hardly able to believe what his supernatural eyes witness right before him. He seemed out of breath, faltering, ready to fall as he stumbled, only for Baozhai to catch him effortlessly. “It’s y-you… It’s really you.” For once in a long time, Guo’s hardened features had softened, his old heart ready to burst as tears formed in his eyes. Placing an armored hand on the empress’s face. It was exactly as he remembered it. Unmarred by age or scarring. “W-We thought you lost… We thought…”

“I know, my faithful wall.” Baozhai whispered, comforting the weary ghost, only to suddenly find herself surrounded as Hui and Xun kneeled before her, tears welling in their eyes. Baozhai sighed, gently letting go of Guo as he joined with his compatriots, showing their loyalty, as well as their feelings of delight, as well as remorse for all the long years Baozhai was missing from their side.

“My followers… Ever so faithful.” Baozhai stated quietly, kneeling down to each one, lifting their face up and staring into eyes filled with both joy and grief. “Long have I been missing from your side. Long have I been absent from leading my people to glory. No longer.” She said, her once quiet features becoming more powerful and inspiring. Her followers rise up, energy filling into them as they seem more like their former selves. They had so many questions, Baozhai seemed keenly aware of this as well. Raising a hand. “I know you have many questions for me. Rightfully so. And I shall enlighten you on our way to White Forest.” Baozhai stated simply. Her followers were about to cheer, only for confusion to strike them completely. Xun stepped forth, hoping to understand the reason for this.

“W-White Forest? But, we are to return to Sheidal region at once! Our clan is in great peril and without your return, I fear-”

“I am aware of the danger that threatens our people.” Baozhai interrupted, her face stern and unfeeling, returning to her leadership role felt so natural, even after all these years. “However, they are resilient, and even after a thousand years, they have endured. And I will return to them as soon as possible. But more important events demand our attention. I would not pursue them had I not deem them important. So… Will you trust your empress to lead you once more?” Baozhai inquired, her stoic expression emotionless as she waited for them to respond. After staring at each other with some uncertainty, they stared back at baozhai and nodded their heads in agreement.

“We will follow, our beloved empress.” They respond flatly in unison. Smiling, Baozhai was more than pleased. “Your empress is pleased. Now, Haos, if you would so kindly teleport us? I wish to have this matter resolved as swiftly as possible. My people have waited long enough.” Baozhai demanded with some authority. Haos rolled his eyes. Not even five minutes and she was already trying to run the whole show. “Very well, allow me to gether Jarvis and my sister and I shall… Oh dear.” Haos muttered, his expression troubled as Baozhai loomed over him with an unamused face. “What’s the matter, Haos. You will teleport us, will you not?” The Cofagrigus growled. Tapping his fingers together, Haos had an embarrassed look on his face as he sweated a bit. “Well, this is humiliating. But it seems something is blocking me from teleporting there. I’m not sure what, but it seems our way is barred.” Haos replied, doing his best to ignore Baozhai’s growing anger at this turn of events.

“What would you have us do, walk over to Whiste Forest? That is a three day journey from here at least!” Baozhai growled when Haos’s eyes lit up with excitement. “Ah yes, a walk would be most excellent. Jarvis, hurry and up and gather Herald, will you? We have much ground to cover!” Haos called out, the only response he could hear was a large groan as he could only assume Jarvis had heard him. Walking forth with a spring in his step, he paused, turning back to look at Baozhai and her subordinates and gesturing at them to follow.

“Well, come on now! White Forest won’t come to us.” The Gothitelle responded with a cheery expression as Baozhai pinched her brow in frustration. Hui walked up to Baozhai with a silly look on her face. “So, this Haos is a dear friend of yours, huh?” Baozhai hung her head in humiliation for a second before lowly muttering “Yes, yes he is. I’ll fill you in on what happened while I was gone. Three days will be sufficient enough to explain how the last thousand years have went for me.” Baozhai grumbled as she started to move forth, her followers sticking to her side. Having just been reunited. They’ll refuse to part so easily any time soon.

Thus, the long journey to White Forest had begun.

#plot

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fanfic-from-a-67-impala · 7 years

Text

A Supernatural x Reader Story Chapter Twenty-Three: Citizen Fang

Word count: 4231

(You can also read it on Wattpad here)

Master Post

"You called (Y/N), too?" Dean demands. "Gee, Sam, there anyone else I should know about?"

You have parked your car behind the Impala and walk over to where they stand on the side of the road.

"She was in the area," Sam defends. "And you can never have too much back up."

Something more is implied at the end of his sentence, in the hostile look that they share, but he keeps it between the two of them.

"I'd offer to leave this one to you two," you say once you reach them, "but if you're going to drag me down into the bayou, you're stuck with me."

Since the Mayan god case, you went off on your own, keeping in touch with the boys and meeting up with them for hunts if you happened to be in the same area.

Things had been tense between you and Sam since a werewolf case in Michigan, where you voted not to go after Kate, a wolf who had just turned. After all, she hadn't hurt anyone human, and she didn't choose the life she was handed. You all decided to let her go, but to take care of it if it turned out she couldn't stay clean.

You almost told him no when he called, not wanting to deal with the criticism, but there was a note of desperation in his voice that softened your resolve. Besides, you missed your boys. He smiles at you now, and you return it, letting each other know that whatever tension there was is in the past for now.

You were on a case in Missouri when Sam called. Not quite as "in the area" as he would have Dean believe, but you think it best not to complain too much.

"So, what do we got?" you ask.

"Guy got his neck ripped out," Sam informs you.

"A vamp?"

"Yeah," he says, "we've had a hunter friend tracking him for a while."

"Per Sam's request," Dean spits, glaring at his brother.

Sam scoffs. "And it looks like I was right."

"We don't know that it's Benny," Dean argues.

"Come on, Dean –"

"Whoa," you interrupt, turning to Dean. "Benny? Your friend who got you out of Purgatory, Benny? He's a vampire?"

"Yes, okay?" Dean concedes. "But he promised me he was going to keep his nose clean."

He says it with such conviction that you lean toward giving him the benefit of the doubt. Dean Winchester is a lot of things, but not a lousy judge of character, and anything but over-trusting.

You follow the boys through the door of a red-brick building, which you would have thought was the back of a restaurant kitchen had it not been for the Rooms for Rent sign. Up some stairs and a short way down the hallway, Sam is about to knock on a door labelled with the number 2.

Before his knuckles touch the black-painted wood, however, it opens, revealing an older man.

Crap, you think, recognizing the hunter.

"You said 'look for an eruption,'" he tells Sam. "How's Mount Vesuvius?"

He ushers the boys in but stops when you come into view, staring at you and crossing his arms, blocking the entryway. He looks to the boys again, then back to you.

"This one's going to have to wait outside," he announces, looking you in the eye. "I don't work with your kind... queers."

"Well, I don't work with nutjobs," you mimic his bitter tone, pushing past him, "so I guess we're both going to have to make an exception."

You feel Martin's eyes following you, burning holes into the back of your head as he closes the door. Sam and Dean look shocked and concerned, but you give them a quick nod.

"God," Martin starts again, "if John saw you hanging around his boys –"

"John's not here," you snap. "You going to start talking about the case?"

He glares at you for another moment, then turns to the boys. "I got into town about a week ago," he explains. "Up until last night, nothing. He's been clean."

"Doing what?" Dean asks.

"Just minding his own business," Martin replies, "working at the gumbo shack. Slinging hash, pouring coffee – the whole bit. And he may be Benny to you, but folks around here call him Roy."

Dean narrows his eyes at him. "Martin, you sure you're running on a full charge?"

You heard that Martin spent some time in psych hospital, and now, him standing in front of you, a paranoid mess, you don't doubt it.

"Y-yeah," he stutters, an insane smile on his face, "little sh-shock therapy in the morning and I-I'm good to go."

Dean flicks his eyebrows up at Sam in a "told you so" fashion.

"Tell us what happened last night," Sam prompts.

"I followed him home, just like every night," Martin continues, his voice shaky from paranoia and paired with elaborate gestures . "He turned up a path. I hear a scream. Boom – there he is. The old coot that Roy was eyeballing at the joint – vamped."

"Did you actually see Benny kill the guy or not?" Dean challenges.

"I saw enough," Martin insists. "I saw Benny turn up the path, and then two seconds later, I trip over a body with its throat ripped. You ever hear of Occam's razor? 'Keep it simple, stupid'? It's not that complicated."

"There's a lot of holes, Martin," Dean retorts.

"Holes?! The only holes we should be looking at are in the vic's neck," Martin exclaims, then turns to Sam. "Why am I getting the distinct impression that your brother is vouching for a vampire?"

"I got history with the guy," Dean remarks. "I'm not signing up for a witch hunt, okay? I owe him more than that. Until we get the facts, we stow the bloodlust and we work this case right, or we work it separately."

"Doing it right would be separating his head from his shoulders," Martin mutters.

"I just need a couple hours, Sammy," Dean turns to both of you, "(Y/N)?"

Martin turns to Sam again, who has been leaning against the wall, watching Dean. "You're not actually considering this?" Martin says, hate and disbelief in his voice.

"Hey," you shout over him with conviction. "Someone was killed out here, and we can't afford to miss anything. He needs a minute, we're giving him a damn minute."

Sam's eyes meet yours, and you think you can see a hint of disappointment in them. Martin scoffs at you and shakes his head. "Of course you –"

"Couple hours, Dean," Sam interrupts. "No more."

• • • • • • • • • • • •

First Kate, and now Benny.

You know that there is everything wrong with this picture, and you don't even understand why you put so much trust in them. Where are you supposed to draw the line between intuition and naïvety?

Sam walks over to where you sit on the floor, leaning against a wall, on the opposite side of the room from where Martin paces, mumbling something incoherent to himself every so often.

You prepare for a lecture, for Sam to repeat everything you have been telling yourself since Dean walked out the door. You're ready to tell him he's right, that you don't know why you've been sticking up for monsters aside from the feeling in your gut.

"So, I guess you're not as well-liked by other hunters," he says.

This renders you silent for a moment, shocked at the abrupt subject change from how the conversation had gone in your mind to what he says to you now.

It was true that quite a few of the hunters you have met while working with Bobby hadn't taken kindly to you. It's difficult enough being a woman in the business, even a business as lacking as hunting. Add being gay on top of that, and you grow accustomed to the name-calling and bigotry.

"Apparently not," you remark.

"He mentioned Dad?" His brows furrow in question, but the way he says the word, with love, endearment at the very least – not "our dad", or "my father" – Dad.

You can't tell him that his father and you had always felt a loathing each other. That you and he simply had different beliefs. And how he threatened that you wouldn't like what would happen if he caught you near his boys again, hence why you went years without seeing them around the time Sam left for college.

"We just..." you start, "didn't get along, I guess, that's all."

He looks at you as if he knows there was something more, but he only says, "I guess he was pretty old school," with a note of finality.

"How have you two been doing?" you ask with a lighter tone. "I heard you found Kevin."

"We did," he agrees. "He's staying on Garth's houseboat in Missouri, translating the demon tablet as we speak."

"Must have been tough," you comment. "Crowley being who he is and all."

"Well, Cas helped a lot."

You raise your head to him now, surprised. "Cas is alive?"

"He got out of Purgatory," he explains, "and he has no idea how."

"Really?" you exclaim. "Well, that'll come back to bite us in the ass later."

"Probably," he admits. "But, you know – bigger fish."

For a while, you sit there together, talking about recent hunts. Neither of you mention your demon thing, or how it might be clouding your judgement, though it's at the forefront of your mind.

When Dean finally gets back to the room, he explains that it wasn't Benny. Another vamp is in town, and he's taken another life.

"All I'm saying is that Benny is innocent," Dean insists, once the cries of opposition have died down.

"Did he say where this other vamp is?" you ask.

"Get it through your head, girl," Martin sneers. "There's one vamp in this town, and two people dead already."

"He didn't say where he was," Dean answers, ignoring him, "just that he'd lead us there."

Sam seems to consider this, looking from Dean, to you, to Martin. You were never one to do anything by blind faith. That's a good way to end up dead in this business. But trusting in Benny, someone you have never even met before, doesn't feel like faith. It feels like a hunch, a strong one, a feeling you couldn't describe if you tried.

"No," Sam tells him, rising from his seat to walk toward the door. "You're too close to this."

"You're not gonna find him," Dean says, holding a hand out to stop his brother from walking further. "And if you do, you'll be lucky to get out alive."

Martin down his glass of what smells like whiskey and sets it on an already cluttered end table, ignoring Dean's warning, and shuffles to the kitchen behind you and Dean.

"These are innocent lives we're talking about here, Dean," Sam pleads. "And you're willing to risk that on Benny's word alone?"

"Damn right I am."

You feel it before you hear it – something telling you to keep alert. Then Dean turns to you and the hilt of a knife flies out to meet his head, knocking him to the ground. It comes for you next, but you are already on your guard. With one hand, you grasp his wrist that holds the knife and bend it. With your opposite elbow, you pin him against the refrigerator, holding the knife to his throat.

His eyes are wide, and he seems surprised, either that you were so quick to react, or that you were able to overpower him.

The last time he saw you was ages before you started hunting with the boys, but what pokes at the back of your mind is how you knew what was happening before it happened. You could chalk it up to experience, but you know that whatever it is has something to do with Hell, with whatever you are becoming.

Sam gives your shoulder a light tug, but you are already pulling away, making sure to look Martin dead in the eye when you say to him, "Try it again, and I'll slit your throat."

Dean's body lays on the side, and you stare at him for a while, almost afraid to go near him.

"He made his choice," Martin says, then turns to Sam. "Let's go do our jobs."

Sam looks to you now, a question – a plea, maybe – in his eyes. But you have made your opinion clear.

"I can't stop you," you say. "Do what you have to do."

And he does. He and Martin walk out the door, and you watch them drive all the way down the road from between the blinds.

• • • • • • • • • • • •

You checked – Dean is out cold. Nothing but time can bring him back now.

His phone, however, was much more helpful. From the recent call logs, you find Benny's name, with a number listed below, which you track. It takes longer than usual, but you narrow it down to a workable area and drive until you reach a rusty grey camper blocking the road next to an old, neglected boathouse.

There is no movement in the area, but you assume the sounds of your car's engine would be enough to keep any vamp hidden.

Machete in hand, you climb out of the driver's seat and close the door.

"Benny?" you call out into the humid nighttime air, as loud as you think is safe with another, less friendly vampire on the loose. You are aware of every sound, every slight breeze, the movement of your clothes on your skin.

"What's it to you?" a rough voice with a heavy Cajun accent sounds from behind you, sending a chill up your spine.

Slowly, careful to avoid sudden movements, you turn around, swallowing back your fear.

Before you stands a man in a black coat, no taller than Dean, with sad eyes that you suspect are the result of years of loss and bloodshed and Purgatory.

"My name is (Y/N)," you explain, hearing the shakiness in your own voice. "I'm a friend of Dean's. I'm here to help."

He narrows his eyes at you, though you saw them flicker with recognition when you told him your name. Maybe Dean mentioned you. "You expect me to believe Dean sent some other hunter to help out his bloodsucker friend?"

It occurs to you now that you haven't thought this through. Why would he believe you? For all he knows, you're just another hunter, and he's just another vamp. Another kill.

"I guess we're going to have to trust each other," you say finally, turning the machete upside down so the side of the blade rests against your arm.

"Why would you trust me?" he retorts. "You don't know me."

"I know enough," you say. "Dean is like a brother to me, and you got him out of Purgatory. I owe you one."

He considers this, raising his chin toward you. You know that there's a possibility that he could be lying, that he's not Benny. But he looks familiar in a way that makes you believe it is him. And if it stops the actual killer, then you would have no choice but to believe him.

"Okay," he agrees. "(Y/N)."

With the blade and a flashlight, you follow him to the boathouse, taking the back door while he takes the front.

You cast a dim beam of light on the fishing equipment and scrap pieces of wood that line the shelves and tables, eyes and ears intent on sensing any kind of movement while trying not to make a sound as you step further into the room.

Minutes tick by without so much as a passing breeze, and you start to think that maybe Benny was wrong and there's no one else here. That is, until you feel movement behind you, following you as you advance through the room, the change in the air making the hairs on the back of your neck rise.

In one swift motion, you swing your machete all the way around you, but a head of blonde hair ducks low enough to avoid it before you feel his hands in a strong grip around your waist and you are off your feet, flying across the workbench.

Your shoulder aches where you landed on it, but you already see the vamp on top of you. With all of the power you can muster, you kick him across the shins, knocking him to the ground, giving you a chance to crawl in the opposite direction and reach for the blade you dropped when he threw you.

Your fingertips brush the hilt, but a hand is pulling your shoulder – the bruised one – down before you can get a grip on it. His teeth are bared now, the weight of his body holding you to the ground. You hold a forearm out across his chest, but you know it won't keep his teeth away from your neck for long. Desperate, you search for your blade to see if you can grab it in time, but something catches your eye behind him instead.

He pins your wrists to the ground above your head. Teeth still bared, he leans in toward your neck, and you headbutt him. It hurts more than you think it would have, and the shock makes it difficult to move. He leans back from the impact, barely phased, until a thin line of blood runs across his neck, and his head, now separated from his body, falls to the side.

Blood drips off of Dean's machete as he kicks the body away and reaches out his other hand to help you up, which you take, grateful.

"You good?" he asks, eyeing your forehead.

It aches, and the room spins when you first stand up, but you nod.

"Where's Benny?" you ask, holding a hand to your head. "He should get out of here. Sam and Martin could –"

"I, uh," he starts, avoiding your eyes. "took care of it."

You sigh, afraid to ask. "What did you do?"

"Let's just say Sammy's on his way to Texas," he says, "probably in Martin's car, so that ought to slow him down."

"Texas..." you muse. "Amelia?"

"I did what I had to, okay?" he says. "Question is, why didn't you go with them? Don't get me wrong – I'm glad you didn't. But that's a little out of character for you, isn't it?"

You take a few paces to pick up the machete and flashlight where you dropped them. Dean is right. This indescribable trust you put in Benny not being a killer – you can't place it, and it frustrates you to think that Hell was the reason you might not be cut out for this life, that you might be putting the people you work with in danger.

"Hey," he takes on a more serious tone now, eyes focused on yours, concerned. "What's going on with you?"

You shake your head. "I don't know, Dean," you admit. "Maybe I shouldn't be hunting. Whatever's been happening to me... I mean, I vouched for a vampire today."

"You vouched for me," he says. "You don't get to check out, not now. I don't know what's going on here, but we'll figure it out."

"Yeah," you mutter, not bothering trying to hide your disbelief, "we've been saying that for a while now."

"Listen to me," he says. "We will figure it out. Like it or not –" he raises his arms in a matter-of-fact motion "– you're family."

You can tell he truly believes what he's saying, but you also know that there's only so much any of you can do. You concede anyway.

"Look, you go and tell Benny he needs to get underground. Once word gets out, who knows how many hunters are going to be all over this? I'll take care of the body –" you gesture to the beheaded figure at your feet "– and you, my friend, are going to drive your ass down to Texas and make things right with your brother. You got that?"

He looks like he wants to argue, but he only nods, and you watch him walk out the door.

• • • • • • • • • • • •

A sheen of sweat has made your forehead and neck slick to the touch by the time you have covered the hole in the ground. You want nothing more than to stand outside and wait for the slightest breeze to cool the humid air, but decide against it, figuring it best not to linger where you just buried a corpse.

Instead, you climb into your car and make it a few blocks from the edge of town before you see a familiar grey camper speeding in the opposite direction.

You are so exhausted that you almost ignore it, but it pokes at the back of your mind until, almost with a mind of its own, the steering wheel is turning your car into the other lane, heading in Benny's direction.

At the end of the road, the car is parked outside a weathered-looking shack. You pull up next to it and grab the gun you keep underneath your seat before climbing the porch steps.

"Please," Benny's voice comes from inside the dark room, "I'm asking you – do not do this. The bad guy is gone, okay?"

"She doesn't know... Benny," Martin's voice says now.

"Roy?" An unfamiliar woman's voice sounds, trembling in fear. "Who's Benny?"

You swing the screen door open with your foot, your gun raised to Martin, who is holding a young woman with tears in her eyes in a chair with a knife to her throat.

"Take it easy, Martin," you warn, advancing further into the diner.

Panic flashes in his eyes for a moment before he kneels down behind her, blocking your shot. A line of blood forms on her neck, and she exclaims in pain.

"Stay back!" Martin yells, and you can't tell if he is talking to you or Benny. "You... you call yourself a hunter, but you're no better than any of these monsters."

You don't point out that you're not the one drawing civilian blood, and you don't move any further, afraid what a mad man would do to an innocent woman if he felt any more threatened.

"See that?" Martin looks at Benny now. "Dilated pupils, hair standing – signs of hunger!"

Glancing over at Benny, you see that he is right. His fangs are already becoming visible, and he turns to face the other direction. Away from the woman, you think.

"Benny." You want to offer some support, something for him to hold onto, but you can't think of anything to say that wouldn't make it worse.

"Don't worry," Martin tells the woman. "He won't feed off his own flesh and blood."

"'Flesh and blood'?" she voices what you are thinking as well.

"Tell her, Benny," he spits, rising as he shakes the knife at him. "Tell her how you're her long-lost grandpappy. Tell her about all the dead you left behind."

You follow him with your gun, but Benny, whose fangs have retracted, motions for you to stand down and turns back to Martin.

"What do you want?" he asks, sad eyes avoiding the woman.

"Isn't it obvious?" Martin snaps, unsheathing a machete with his other hand. "I want your head on a stake."

Benny says nothing. Only gives a small nod and walks over to the counter, where he lays his head down.

The woman lets out a soft gasp. "Roy, no," she pleads, voice breaking.

You consider killing Roy, while you have a clear shot. It would be so easy, to justify it with him threatening her life. But Benny is a vampire, and Martin is a human, a hunter. And though you know it wasn't Benny who killed the people here this week, you are a hunter, too.

For a moment, you hope, pray, with all you have that maybe Martin will see sense, that he will change his mind. You imagine him dropping his machete, conceding, and walking away from it all. You have never felt more helpless, unable to move as he raises the blade over his head.

Then, as if by some invisible force, it flies backward out of his hands, hitting the wall and clattering to the ground.

The panic returns to his eyes, but only for a moment, only for the time it takes Benny to leap across the counter and take him down.

• • • • • • • • • • • •

You are still in shock as you wash the blood off of your hands, having buried your second body of the night. Benny fed and left without a word, long gone by now. You checked all over the restaurant, finding no sign of anyone who could have moved that machete.

A thought you have been avoiding thinking, one that makes your skin crawl, crosses your mind: What if it was you? What if this linked to the part of your soul that's in Hell?

What if you killed Martin?

You offered to drive the woman – Elizabeth, she told you – to her folks' place, where at least she wouldn't be alone.

Now, you find the closest on-ramp, not caring which direction. And you drive.

#Supernatural #Supernaturalxreader #Supernatural fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #A Supernatural x Reader Story #series #writing is hard

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argonapricot · 7 years

Note

when you REBLOG IT do ALL OF THEM

1: Name - Julia

2: Age - the number of protons in an argon atom! My favorite element! That didn’t even occur to me until just now and I am delighted.

3: 3 Fears -

1. Plane crashes

2. Dementia

3. Bad things happening to pets

4: 3 things I love -

1. elves

2. Dvorak

3. making fun of you

5: 4 turns on

1. Linguistics

2. The end credit music from Attack of the Clones

3. Girls

4. Chord resolutions

6: 4 turns off

1. Sex

2. Existentialism

3. Depression

4. Logistical complications

7: My best friend - three of alex in a trenchcoat

8: Sexual orientation - homosexualism

9: My best first date - I’ve only had one! Unless you count Mackenzie Week which wow I sure don’t yikes

But yeah, the actual first date was cute af we were adorable and drenched

10: How tall am I - not tall enough

11: What do I miss - so much all the time, god. Having it be a normal and socially accessible activity to play pretend when you hang out with friends. Having a girlfriend, lol. Playing outside in the yard, my brother being a tiny little puffball. Being an impressive child. So many childhood things actually I’m an enormous sap. Not being depressed?

12: What time was I born - 7:02 in the evening, I think

13: Favorite color - poorple

14: Do I have a crush - um i have like 7 I’m bad at getting over people

15: Favorite quote - “the answer is six” - alex, that one time the answer wasn’t six

16: Favorite place - it’s a secret!

17: Favorite food - academic vigor

18: Do I use sarcasm - no of course not

19: What am I listening to right now - the clock trying to guilt me from across the room

20: First thing I notice in new person - whether or not they are painted green

21: Shoe size - 9/12

22: Eye color - Brown! Maybe like ¼ hazel

23: Hair color - also brown! It gets lighter in the summer, the sun bleaches it a bit.

24: Favorite style of clothing - gay

25: Ever done a prank call? - I used to prank call Clarissa every time I called her in like middle school, but it was always super obvious that it was me I think

27: Meaning behind my URL - my favorite element, paired with a handy dandy alliteration fruit that I enjoy

28: Favorite movie - Alex making a fool of herself

jk it’s I guess Lord of the Rings but I’m honestly so bad with favorites especially movies

29: Favorite song - I’ve been listening to Hurt by Johnny Cash a LOT lately, for fictional angst purposes and also it’s just a really good song

30: Favorite band - the Grady Knights Philharmonic

31: How I feel right now - sad that I’m only on number 31

32: Someone I love - Lee Pope

33: My current relationship status - so single you don’t even know

34: My relationship with my parents - good! I have great parents they are great!

35: Favorite holiday - I’ve only actually been to a Tu b’shvat seder once, but it was so incredibly rad and it’s a good holiday I approve of it.

36: Tattoos and piercing i have - none

37: Tattoos and piercing i want - none?

38: The reason I joined Tumblr - to get in on that sweet pjo fandom action

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? nah bro @alphaj8de hi five

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - I exchange “goodnights” with someone if we end a conversation by going to bed?

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? - quite possibly!

42: When did I last hold hands? - I hold hands with Tolkien every day of my life

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - Depends on how slowly I get out of bed

44: Have I shaved your legs in the past three days? - yeah

45: Where am I right now? - on a couch

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? - fanfiction, probably, since all of my good caring friends are Leaving me to go to Party College, or alternatively Very Far Away And Stupidly Cold Stupid College

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - I like my music neurotically soft

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - for the next like two months

49: Am I excited for anything? - college! Hannah’s lake house! garbage on the internet!

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - I rarely tell Everything to anyone

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? - I suck at fake smiles, and can only maintain them (when called for) in three-second bursts

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? - I hugged Benjamin earlier today

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? - I would stand there like a tool.

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? - YEAH @cognitivelyagitated I can’t believe you took advantage of my eighth grade self like that and I can’t believe my eighth grade self was that stupid.

55: What is something I disliked about today? - Discord crashed and my online friend was not online.

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - *mumblemumble*

57: What do I think about most? - characters doing Things

58: What’s my strangest talent? - I have the power to make sleeping possums knit

59: Do I have any strange phobias? - macaroni and cheese, also certain noises that make me flip out and cringe

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - I can go both ways!

61: What was the last lie I told? - the answer to that sarcasm question

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - what is communication

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - I don’t devote a lot of energy into having opinions on ghosts or aliens one way or the other.

64: Do I believe in magic? - sometimes

65: Do I believe in luck? - I mean luck is just the concept that sometimes good things happen and sometimes they don’t? So yeah, the experimental probability of good things that happen is a thing.

66: What’s the weather like right now? - hot and humid

67: What was the last book I’ve read? - I’m in the middle of like four books right now, the last one I finished was I think A Conjuring Of Light? In the shades of magic trilogy, which was hype.

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? - no!

69: Do I have any nicknames? - julesliaia

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? - I broke my arm in seventh grade

71: Do I spend money or save it? - both!

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? - no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? - there are some pink things visible on the screen where this is being typed?

74: Favorite animal? - I like all kinds of cats

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - watching Episode 3 of IDOL Drama Operation Team

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? - why would he have a last name

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - I can’t think of the best answer right now

78: How can you win my heart? - elf appreciation

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? - my name would be nice

80: What is my favorite word? - right now, sepulchral

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr - I don’t really rate tumblrs!

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - stop! being stupid! stop being mean! Help the planet and also other people! I don’t know

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? - no

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? - being able to sing well would be nice

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - are you spending your time responsibly?

86: What is my current desktop picture? - Yosemite

87: Had sex? - y

88: Bought condoms? - n

89: Gotten pregnant? - n

90: Failed a class? - n

91: Kissed a boy? - n

92: Kissed a girl? - y

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - I think so, yeah

94: Had job? - y

95: Left the house without my wallet? - y

96: Bullied someone on the internet? - n

97: Had sex in public? - nah that’s your gig

98: Played on a sports team? - I was a part of the Lucky Clovers soccer team in like 1st and 2nd grade

99: Smoked weed? - n

100: Did drugs? - n

101: Smoked cigarettes? - n

102: Drank alcohol? - some! on special occasions

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - n

104: Been overweight? - n

105: Been underweight? - n

106: Been to a wedding? - Yeah, a couple!

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? - ………..probably on some late nights, but that’s terrible and I feel ashamed and sad

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? - n

109: Been outside my home country? - twice! Once to Spain and once to Mexico

110: Gotten my heart broken? - There have been a couple instances of vague heart breakage idk

111: Been to a professional sports game? - during TIP camps, yes

112: Broken a bone? - y

114: Been to prom? - I was busy Killing It at Carnegie Hall

115: Been in airplane? - y

116: Fly by helicopter? - n

117: What concerts have I been to? - @queer-sighted took me to a Fall Out Boy concert two summers ago, which was lots of fun! I’ve been to a lot of ASO concerts that Mom gets tickets to for producing the show, and a bunch of other classical music occasions, and some concerts that I’ve played!

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? - yeah. like. a Lot.

119: Learned another language? - I learned some okay French

120: Wore make up? - y

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? - y but virginity is dumb

122: Had oral sex? - y

123: Dyed my hair? - n

124: Voted in a presidential election? - I was too young!

125: Rode in an ambulance? - n

126: Had a surgery? - yeah, on my foot in second grade

127: Met someone famous? - my crush met Selena Gomez does that count

128: Stalked someone on a social network? - only a tiny bit

129: Peed outside? - of course

130: Been fishing? - I’ve stood near some people who were fishing sometimes

131: Helped with charity? - I’ve worked on a lot of tikkun olam projects? And volunteered places? And donated tzeddakah? I don’t know what specifically constitutes charity.

132: Been rejected by a crush? - only very indirectly I have the forthcoming romantic initiative of a slug

133: Broken a mirror? - no

134: What do I want for birthday? - ummmm books and mamamoo I guess? Maybe a new tablet

#long post #ask meme thing #alkaline earth muses

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