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tipsydipsydo · 4 years

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BTS Make out-Songs🎶 [Maknae Line]

Hey my Dears!💜

I have a new Scenario for you! It's about my Ideas what BTS favourite Make Out/Sex Songs could be~🙈

Originally I wanted to post the scenarios of all member in one post but then I realized I wrote waaay to much for each member so I split the post in two parts (The Hyung Line and the Maknae Line are sepereated now)

This here is the Maknae Line (yeah I know you read it already in the title xD)

The link to the Hyung Line can be found here.

A little thing: Some scenarios of the members are written more in the "Scenario Style" and some are more in the "Fanfic Style" but I hope you'll like all of them! 💜

I tried to include some verses of the specific song into the fic when I thought it'll fit the specific situation very well.

I'll write the song titles (links seems to not working out actually) for their songs into the scenario right after the moodboard of the member. And I think it could be helpful for you when you listen to the song while reading to get better "into the mood" you know😉

Information: The link to my masterlist can be found at the end of the scenario! 📝

Gender of the reader: female

Then... there is nothing more left to say and I hope you'll enjoy it!

「© tipsydipsydo」

These following scenarios are my intellectual property and belongs only to my blog tipsydipsydo.tumblr.com!

I’ll not accept any kind of reposting, stealing or using/editing my work!

That includes reposting my content on other social media platforms too, even when you link me as the original author.

Thank you.

Jimin

Champagne and Sunshine by PLVTINUM & Tarro

I don't know when it started, but whenever I hear this song now, it reminds me of Jimin.

I don't know for sure, but I think it's this playfulness in this song. It reminds you at first of a typical summer song, which simply spread cheerfulness and a good atmosphere and you want to sing along with it, until you notice the dirty lyrics for the first time.

And I think that's exactly the point why this song fits Jimin so well! At the beginning he always seems to be cute and maybe a little bit naïve, so you just want to take him into your arms and cuddle him. There is a reason why they call him little mochi...

And then he goes on stage and seems to be a complete different person. He knows exactly what a magical attraction he has, how to use his personal advantages to tease the shit out of Army.

For example I mean this cocky smile, his bodyrolls, the way he shows himself so freaking sensual and sexy.

He has so many different facets, all of them are so contrary. He's really like an exotic animal, like a chameleon. And that's what fascinated you so much about him and stole your heart.

How can he be so damn cute and then bang!, the next moment he gave you one of these dangerous dark looks, licking his sweet plush lips and if you're not careful enough, he'll have you pressed against the wall within seconds and you'll drown in his deep, passionate kiss.

Love, take it off

She love that dirty talk

Pushing her up, against the wall

White wine and bubblegum

I also combine this lightness and carefreeness of the song with wild, passionate sex of a young, freshly in love couple and they just can't keep their hands off each other and take every opportunity to somehow release anything of this thick sexual tension between them.

No matter how young or old you both are, no matter how long you've already been with Jimin, he will always make you fall in love with him all over again like you did on day one.

It's this mix, these countless facets Jimin have, that makes it possible that you'll never know where it'll lead you after a sensual, needy kiss, what kind of Sex you two will have this time.

I have this headcanon in my head that you're on vacation together, in LA, especially when a stressful time is behind you and your relationship has suffered a little because of all these appointements you both had.

Now you finally have time for each other again and you make use of it, on the flight back home to Seoul you have to accept that you didn't really see much of the city, but you definitely knew your hotel room inside out.

Every now and then you actually tried to crawl out of bed and get ready for an exploratory tour through the neighborhood, but then came Jimin sneaking up from behind like a tiger and took his prey right back into the king-size bed. Your little cuddle tiger has other plans for you...

Sometimes you even make it into the shower together, but that's a bad idea. Jimin's initially innocent bodylotion rubbing onto your skin becomes needy very quickly and either he fingers or fucks you against the tiled shower wall.

And when you finally managed to leave the hotel room to do some sightseeing, it won't be the only time that you will be kicked out of some museums for "inappropriate behaviours".

And all this only because Jimin can't keep his hands to himself and has to touch your ass all the time!

...and well, because you can't leave this action unpunished too, you gave him a slap on his ass back with a giggle. You can guess the rest of the story...

Most of the time, Jimin can't wait to finally open the hotel door again, without all these annoyed looks from the other peoples.

After a delicious dinner and an almost empty bottle of red wine, you two return to the hotel tipsy and giggling like a young teenage couple. When the hotel door hasn't closed completely yet, Jimin's lips are back in their rightful place, your lips.

It's not the bedroom floor that has to withstand your concentrated lust, but it's the couch that has to hold out, because the bed is simply too far away.

Rough sex on the bedroom floor

Hop in the shower, she begging for more

'Do not disturb' on the hotel door

Waking the neighbours

"God Baby, I just can't get enough of you...", Jimin sighs against your lips.

He fiddles impatiently with the zipper of your summer dress and curses quietly when he can't take your dress off by the first try.

You run your hand through his hair and laugh as he has no more nerves for further opening attempts and simply pushes the skirt of your dress up to your waist. Quickly he clears your panties out of the way before he lets his own pants and boxer briefs slides down to the floor and sink deep into you.

A moan full of pleasure leave your lips, but still an amused smile plays around the corners of your mouth.

"So impatient, my Sweetheart? Even though you've been taking me non-stop the last few days and you still can't get enough? What will just our poor room-neighbors think?"

"I'll never get enough of you, Darling. And when you ask me what the neighbors could think of us? I just want them to think that we're a very happy couple and we're just taking care of each other's needs."

Your laugher is mixed with soft moans as Jimin fucks you slowly with deep thrusts into the cushions of the couch.

From the outside, the countless colorful lights of LA's lively nightlife shine through the panorama window into your hotel room.

"Yeah, that's true. We take care of each other and I'm very, very happy with you, Jimin.", you wisper before you let your lips melt back together with Jimin's.

All I want is champagne and sunshine

Looking for a good time

Sipping on the stars while we laying under sunlight

Tanned skin, light eyes

Oh my, she's so damn fine

Kissing on her neck

We be running from the nighttime

Taehyung

National Anthem by Lana del Rey (full version)

Taehyung loves aesthetic. Taehyung loves perfection. Taehyung loves passion and sensuality. Taehyung loves the perfect moment.

This is also the reason why he has specific music playlists on his phone that are precise tuned to the mood. Especially sex-playlists. For every imaginable situation and mood between you he has also a perfectly adapded playlist of songs for it. Whether you have wild, impetuous sex and can't get enough of each other, wether you have an another play-session and one of you takes the lead for the night or you just have sensual, loving sex and enjoy the closeness to each other.

But Tae is right, the right music only makes the sex more intense, exciting a whole new athmosphere.

You don't know exactly how many playlists Taehyung has on his phone, nur you estimate to be ten to fifteen different ones.

Yeah, your Sweetheart got a bit of a passionate thing for this.

But it's worth it every time.

Taehyung lets his head sink further and further into his neck, enjoying how wet and warm you feel around him. The way you tense up rhythmically every time you lift and lower yourself on him and how your tight walls massage his long, thick cock makes everything in his head spin.

"We gonna take it slow today...", he said when he woke you up not long ago with countless butterfly kisses on your shoulder.

A smile manifested in your lips, that sounded like a wonderful start for a Sunday. You would welcome the opportunity to only get out of bed for the bare necessities.

How good that you share this thought with Taehyung and just want to explore the aesthetic and beauty of doing nothing with him. Or rather, to enjoy the beauty of doing nothing alongside the aesthetic of sexual pleasure.

Tae had a very specific goal when he gently pulled you out of your dreamland. He wanted to enjoy the time and the togetherness you two have left before he's abroad for the next three weeks to film a new MV.

And now you're above him, straddling his lap, riding him like his personal godess and smiling so seductively. Especially in those moments he asks himself what he did to deserve a person like you in his life.

In the background is playing soft music, Tae had put it on before your sensual adventure. When you heard the first notes, you couldn't deny yourself the joyful smile of anticipation for what might come next.

In this moment Lana del Rey's "National Anthem" fills the room, almost seizing your bodies with this swinging, lively yet sentimental and melancholic melody.

You have the feeling of being closer to your husband now. So, so much closer. On a level that even the best vocabulary couldn't put into words.

Your rhythm adapts to the beat of the music, your movements become sometimes faster, sometimes slower and so you transport Taehyung into spheres he has never been before.

Lana's longing voice encourage you to reveal your innermost desires. In those moments when you are so close to each other, you feel the most fragile and vulnerable.

You need reasurrance.

"Tell me I'm your National Anthem... please."

Taehyung's lips opens speechlessly for a moment before he can forms the words you need the most right now.

"Yes, Baby! Yes, yes, yes, only you. I'll sing for you, I'll sing you as my National Anthem. You are my National Anthem, my love, my wife."

I sing the National Anthem

While I'm standing over your body

Hold you like a python

And you can't keep your hands off me

Or your pants on

See what you've done to me

Just as dancing is for Hoseok his home, so you're his home for Taehyung. Where he feels safe and secure, where he can calm down from all this stress, where he finds comfort when he can no longer help himself.

You are his home and he'll sing your hymn again and again to pay homage to you.

"Yes, my Love. You are my National Anthem. I chose you, only you. That's why you wear that ring.", he wispers in a throaty voice.

I need somebody to hold me

He will do very well

I can tell, I can tell

Keep me safe in his bell tower hotel

Then he kisses your palm before his lips move higher to spread little kisses over your ring finger. Again and again they brush against the golden ring with the crystal clear diamond.

It's true, Taehyung chose you. He married you.

And I remember when I met him.

It was so clear that he was the only one for me.

We both knew right away.

"You know, I don't dare to say 'forever', that's such a big, powerful word. But shall we try to make eternity ours? As long our eternity would be..?", you wisper and exhale with a trembling breath.

Taehyung's tender caresses let you get closer and closer to your high. Your husband seems no different, his thrusts from below gets increasingly uncoordinated.

"Yes Baby. As long our own eternity would be. Come, let's explore the endlessly sky, I wanna see you float, Darling...", breathes Taehyung with a trembling voice as he paints your walls white and sends you with small circles of his thumb over your clit also over the edge.

He was charismatic, magnetic, electric, and everybody knew him

When he walked in every woman's head turned.

Everyone stood up to talk to him.

He was like this hybrid, this mix of a man who couldn't contain himself.

And I loved him. I loved him, I loved him, I loved him.

And I still love him, I love him.

Jungkook

Heaven by Julia Michaels

Giggling, you try to get in the car, which has been parked at the roadside, on the side where the passenger seat is without breaking your neck because of your vertiginously high Heels.

Jungkook stands behind you and takes care that you really don't hurt yourself and that nobody sees more of your ass (even when he likes to call it his ass) than your whole Outfit already exposes with this damn short and skin-thight cocktail dress you choose for Namjoon's Birthday Party.

You bend into the car and try to get into it while you perform awkward contortions and then you feel Jungkook's hand grab the hem of your dress and move it back into an appropriate position.

That's exactly what makes you giggle even more and you wiggle with your ass provocatively so that the hem of your dress, which has just pulled down twenty secondes ago, slides up again.

"Kookie, are you jealous that someone else could see my nice ass?~"

You're slurring right now and can't get out of all of your giggling.

You are a little bit drunk right now. Maybe a little bit more than just a little bit. And in such a state Jungkook has to admit that you're actually a bit tiring.

Jungkook sighs and gives you a gentle but still reprimand slap on your ass cheeks.

"Come on, Baby. We should get home, you should get into bed really quickly and grab a good night's sleep."

"Koookieeee! Don't be mad at me!"

"I'm not mad, Love. But please, just get finally into the car and sit yourself down on your really nice ass. Jackson already looks at me quizzically from the terrace and seems to wonder, why you've been sticking your butt up in the air like that for five minutes already!"

After another five minutes of Jungkook coaxing you, you finally crawled onto the passenger seat and Jungkook was able to get behind the steering wheel and drive you both home.

The digital clock on the dashboard jumps from 02:29 a.m. to 02:30 a.m. It's hard to believe but at this time in a Sunday morning, even in the normally for 24/7 pulsating city, there is some silent peace laid over Seoul and only a few cars are on the road right now.

You had decided last night, just before you two left for Namjoon's Party, that this time Jungkook would play the chauffeur for both of you. So unfortunately he has to stay sober. And that's exactly what you took as a reason to drink a little more than is actually good for you.

After all, you have to drink "for two" and you just drank every shot that are offered to Jungkook in his place.

When you're drunk you laugh and giggle a lot more than usual (well... in your drunken state you laugh about literally everything) and you always get red cheeks which are incredibly adorable. But you also become very talkative and Jungkook just hopes that not all party guests knows your sex life inside out now.

At this moment you try to connect your phone to the car radio via Bluetooth and apparently you can operate the somewhat complicated technology correctly despite the increased alcohol level, because shortly afterwards the first beats of Julia Michaels "Heaven" comes out of the car's speakers.

You start singing one of your favourite songs with a smile on your face, showing no shame, although you usually don't like singing in Kookie's presence, because next to Jungkook's angelic voice you feel like a cat that has been stepped on her tail too often.

Hearing you singing so freely and lightheartedly now, on Jungkook's lips manifests a smile too, even when you certainly don't hit every note correctly.

He tries to look at you as often as possible, but he should keep his eyes on the road to advoid causing an accident.

But he finds it hard when he notice in the corner of his eye how you keep giving him seductive looks during the refrain. Especially when you bring "But bad boys bring heaven to you..." over your lips with a provocative smirk.

A week ago you told him why you like this song so much. In your opinion it describes him pretty well and with these words you gave Kookie a meaningful smile.

No need to imagine

'Cause I know it's true

They say "all good boys go to heaven"

But bad boys bring heaven to you

It's automatic

It's just what they do

They say "all good boys go to heaven"

But bad boys bring heaven to you

At first he seems like a good, decent guy but in reality he's such a naughty and kinky boy! You know it as well as Julia, bad boys bring heaven to you!

Oh yes, that's so true. You've seen Jungkook behind closed bedroom doors. You don't have to be a good girl to get to heaven, Jungkook brings the heaven to you. Either with his fingers, his tongue or best of all, with his thick cock!

At that thought your cheeks blush a little bit more and because of the alcohol and the now absolutely unbearable sexual desire between your thighs you can't get a clear... or even better a decent thought anymore.

Before you can think about any consequences, you spread your legs and let the dress ride up to your hips. You lay your head back against the headrest of your seat and a little moan comes over your lips when you finally let your index and middle finger circle around your clit.

Finally, some satisfaction.

What Jungkook didn't know... well, until now, that you were a naughty little girl and only wore a string ouvert under your dress.

You wanted to feel this kick of being a dirty girlfriend, just the thought that you could have been caught by one of Jungkook's friends made you so horny and wet. ...and what would he have done to you, his filthy Babygirl?

Well, now he knows it anyway.

He looks at you in completely disbelief as you shamelessly start fingering yourself next to him in the passenger seat and he realizes that you worn this damn thong (that covers literally nothing!) overly all night long.

An angry huff leaves your boyfriend who bends without warning with the car sharply onto an abandoned parking space of a supermarket and brings the car to halt.

A surprised squeak comes from your lips and you look to Jungkook in confusion, who is just about to pull the handbrake with a grimly expression on his face and switch off the engine.

"You don't seem to want it any other way, you little brat!"

"What do you mean, Kookie?", you ask him completely unsuspectingly and seemingly unaware of any guilt.

"I promised you that I wouldn't have sex with you when you were drunk. Especially when you've had so much to drink that you surely can't remember some of the things you did that night before. I am a gentleman, really. And I actually keep my promises. Always. But you can't do this next to me! You can't just sit here next to me, playing with your pretty little fingers on your wet pussy like that and presenting to me, that you have been wearing a thong ouvert all night! Apparently you did all of this on purpose. You're such a dirty girl! I think I should stuff your greedy hole with my cock and fuck you so hard until you definitely remember not to do that again!"

With these words Jungkook gets out of the drivers seat, goes around the car and opens the passenger seat door. Then he unbuckles your seat belt and lets your backrest sink back as far as possible.

Utimately he unbuckles the belt of his dress pants. A happy smile spread over your face.

"You got me."

Now a devilish smirk forms on Jungkooks lips.

"Even a gentleman could bring heaven to you..."

Love's my religion but he was my faith

Something so sacred so hard to replace

Fallin' for him was like fallin' from grace

All wrapped in one, he was so many sins

Would have done anything, everything for him

And if you ask me I would do it again

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

"Oh fuck...", you groan with a twisted face, as you drag yourself into the living room with your blanket over your shoulders. It's around 01:00 p.m. on Sunday's noon.

There's Jungkook, sitting on the couch and and try to memorize the lyrics for the next song.

"Hey Baby, how's the hangover?", he asks amusedly and shake his head at the sight of you.

"No, the headaches and stuff aren't the worst, but you've pretty much wrecked my pussy. I can barely walk straight... but the sex was worth it!"

"So you remember the most important thing of the last night?"

"Yes. I remember everything. I told all of Got7 yesterday which sex toys are the best and which of them they should buy for their girlfriends..."

"Oh God, please no... If Jackson heard all of this, he must have told Namjoon and so Jin will know it now too. And then he'll tease me if I'm not able to satisfy my girlfriend properly... they are such gossip girls!"

[Links]

My Imagines

My Masterlist

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396 notes · View notes

x-lulu · 3 years

Note

gurl 1-99 I dare you😄

haha no if that's too much just 1, 2, 24, 32, 77, 85, 95

well I finally answered them all babe, took me a week haha 💗

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? world away by tonight alive, you give love a bad name by bon jovi, amnesia by five seconds of summer, had enough by lower than atlantis, take it out on me by thousand foot krutch, if I could fly by one direction, I just named the first that popped in my head

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? YOU

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17? a wind came in off the harbour, bringing the smell of the sea

4: What do you think about most? I’m an overthinker with anxiety so yeah I think about everything a lot, so I wouldn’t know what I think about most

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? just an okay haha

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? with, an oversized shirt and underwear

7: What’s your strangest talent? latin maybe?

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence) I don’t know rock? I’m not really the kind of person that puts a gender in things

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? uhm I don’t think so, now I feel unimportant haha

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? I’m more an using a hairbrush as a microphone kind of girl

11: Do you have any strange phobias? probably, I’m scared of a lot of things

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? don’t think so

13: What’s your religion? officially I’m Christian, I’m a bit searching for what I believe in tho, I do believe in jezus but not like walking on water and coming back from the death, I might believe in the Greek gods and nature gods

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? enjoying the fresh air, going for a walk/ride and look at cute animals

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? even if you kill me I don’t know what band to say

17: What was the last lie you told? I lied about not being sad

18: Do you believe in karma? I don’t know, sometimes, but like there are people who’ve done terrible things, where is their karma?

19: What does your URL mean? it’s just my nickname, I didn’t want to make it fandom related because I’m a multi fandom and I didn’t want to have to change my url a lot, I also didn’t want to put my real name because I don’t want people to find me who I know in real life haha

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? my insecurity is my greatest weakness I think, I don’t know my greatest strength... maybe being a person who people feel loved and welcome by? Idk if people feel that way and idk if it’s a strength. If I’m gonna be poetic I have to say my greatest weakness and strength are both that I love someone with my whole heart, when I start loving you, I love you so much, I would do anything for you, but when someone fucks up, I’ll still love them even tho they don’t deserve it, so that comes with a lot of pain so yeah a weakness and a strength

21: Who is your celebrity crush? rudy pankow and dylan obrien

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? yes

23: How do you vent your anger? I keep everything to myself till I explode and start screaming

24: Do you have a collection of anything? music records, stones and just memories from places I’ve been to

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? neither? If I’m comfortable I do enjoy video chatting especially in times like these where you can’t speak in real life

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? this is hard one, I’ve never been happy with who I am, I do like me better than who I used to be

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? sound I love is when you’re walking trough the woods just the birds, can’t think of one I hate, I definitely have some they just don’t come to mind rn

28: What’s your biggest “what if”? what if I keep going through and it doesn’t get better

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes and yes/maybe

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. my laptop and my pillow

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? flowers

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? xanten

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? uhm west coast? Idk haha

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? harry styles is the first one that pops in my head

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? to find love, can be someone something, experience things that make you happy, enjoy it, learn, better the world

36: Define Art. creating something, it can have a meaning but it also can’t, a lot of people give it a deep meaning, which can be it, I just think art doesn’t always have to be deep are spectacular it can be someone making something because they have so much going in their head and they find peace in creating art and get inspired by their own experience, people also can it just do for fun, there are so many different kind of art and artists, I don’t think it can’t be defined

37: Do you believe in luck? I don’t know

38: What’s the weather like right now? rainy

39: What time is it? 9:54 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? no licence

41: What was the last book you read? a fanfic on Wattpad fight or flight by ffsumth

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? yes 🙈

43: Do you have any nicknames? lu and lulu obviously, loesje , samantha, pinguïn, polar bear, you called me lulu bear hehe

44: What was the last film you saw? I don’t remember...

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? uhm ive broken a few things, my toes and my arm, but nothing really bad actually

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? no, I don’t want to, I have seen some really close, they’re beautiful

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? again you haha, but like all the stuff I post on here are my obsessions

48: What’s your sexual orientation? I don’t know, I think straight, but I don’t know for sure

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? yeah

50: Do you believe in magic? I’m not certain, maybe I do :) I do live by the saying ‘just because you haven’t seen it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist’

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? sadly yes, like I won’t be mean to you or anything, but I will never ever trust you again, if I’m hurt I’m hurt and sadly I haven’t found a way yet to leave it behind, so I’m feeling a lot of pain and I’m never gonna forget that pain, so yeah...

52: What is your astrological sign? capricorn

53: Do you save money or spend it? uhm both? depends on how I feel and what time of the year it is, I have the bad habit to save it for a few months and then spend a lot of it

54: What’s the last thing you purchased? a apple pen so I can start trying digital art

55: Love or lust? love

56: In a relationship? with you hehe

57: How many relationships have you had? none official relationships, I’m just not lovable okay leave me alone haha

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? no oops

59: Where were you yesterday? home, school, therapy

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? a pillow

61: Are you wearing socks right now? no

62: What’s your favourite animal? polar bears

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? no idea haha, I don’t have one

64: Where is your best friend? at home, like 20min away

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. this is hard so I’m just gonna name the first five that come in my head @nxsmss @rafej-cambanks @thegreatestofheck @chrlsgillespie @nedleed

66: What is your heritage? I don’t know 🤷‍♀️

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? sleeping, I had to get up early today

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? never thought about it

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? no

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Is it bad to say yes? I mean I hate myself but I do think I’m a good friend

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? save the dog obviously!!!!

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? I think I would tell people, I’m not sure, but like so have people got the time to say goodbye the way they want to, I would travel the world I think, do everything on my bucket list, maybe some illegal stuff 🙈 (where no one gets hurt tho obviously), I don’t think I would be afraid... I mean I’m suicidal, I’ve literally been connected to death my whole life, if you understand what I mean

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. uhm trust I think? If I would have love but don’t have trust I wouldn’t really feel loved anyway, I do really want to experience how it feels like to be loved tho...

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? the first song that came to mind is love my life by Robbie Williams, I rarely listen to it, but the lyrics really gives a boost of happiness and confidence

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 51 54

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? loyalty and trust, you don’t have to agree on everything or be interested in the same things, you do have to be there for each other

77: How can I win your heart? YOU ALREADY HAVE

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? yes I think so

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? to get dogs

80: What size shoes do you wear? uhm 38 eu, 4,5 uk and 7 us

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? a loving ... I hope to be a loving daughter, friend, wife and mother, someone who was always there for others

82: What is your favourite word? fuck haha, no idk but that is definitely a word I use a lot

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. pain....

84: What is a saying you say a lot? enjoy the little things

85: What’s the last song you listened to? ignorance by paramore

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? uhm I do love black, I also like pastels and like a turquoise kind of colour

87: What is your current desktop picture? me and my friend

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? no one, there are a lot of people who did wrong, the need to be in jail, but I’m not saying someone deserves to die

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? what goes on in my head, how I’m feeling

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? scream probably haha

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? teleportation, I would travel the world haha

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? when I was in Ireland by the cliffs of moher

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? uhm this is a hard one, maybe seeing my father almost dying? (he is okay btw, we were lucky), I’ve had nightmares and anxiety ever since

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? I find this so weird to say for some reason... if I have to give a name it would be harry styles I think, because damn look at that man, but I don’t know, I would rather be friends with him than sleep with him tbh, I know you can do both haha, but idk I’m not like yes I want to sleep with him haha, I think I’ve read too many fanfics about him that I would find it awkward

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? ice land or canada

96: Do you have any relatives in jail? don’t think so, not close ones anyway

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? no, I got out in time haha

98: Ever been on a plane? yes, when I went on a trip to georgia in west asia

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? you’re all ignorant assholes haha, no idk what I would say, there are a lot of good people on this world I know, but man there is some fucked up shit, so maybe I would educate some people or it would have something to do with mental health, maybe about loving yourself or that it’s not a sign of weakness and that we should be treated as equals to physical pain, we should be taken seriously... I don’t really know, there are so many things haha

#asks #lara #games

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theoriginalladya · 4 years

Text

Lonely Sunday Morning (fanfic)

So, a bit of a setup here: some 4-5 years ago maybe(?) I created Michaela Shepard to RP with @scarletthalloran‘s Kaidan Alenko. During that time, she introduced me to Levi Kreis’ songs. Several in particular stood out as really good Mass Effect inspiring, but Lonely Sunday Morning just spoke to me on another level altogether. Ever since then, I’ve been trying to finish a fic I started for her tied to that. Tonight, I finally finished it.

Here you are, my dear! I’m so sorry it took so long, but just know these two are always in my mind, and though short lived, I had a blast playing Michaela with your Kaidan! :) <3

(under cut for length)

Setting: Normandy post-Thessia

On AO3 here

~~~

Like a lion through the high grass of the savannah, exhaustion stalks her every move, and with each mission, every battle, it is only getting worse. If she feels anything, it is the weight of every minute, every hour, every day that passes since fleeing Earth and the Reaper attack. It doesn’t matter that it was for the good of the galaxy; it still hurts, and moving the entire process forward is a painful battle of its own, at times even against herself. She is drained; no doubt about it. Spent physically, emotionally, any and all ways a body, mind and spirit can be wrung out. But the missions come with such frequency and with very little of the precious downtime in between, she feels as if she is perpetually cracked, her life seeping out through the fissures.

The war is taking its toll on her crew as well. On her friends. Mistakes have been made. The risks are starting to outweigh the benefits, but what other choice is there? The fate of the galaxy is on the line and they, she, is the only one who can get them there. Winning is the only option; well, not the only, but failure certainly isn’t in the cards. Not if she has a say in it. At the very worst, they die trying, and if that is their destiny, at least they will leave better counsel in place for the next cycle.

Shepard’s towel slithers down her body to form a muddled heap at her feet. She chooses to ignore it and the many regulations drilled into her during basic so many years ago, instead opting to crawl straight beneath the sheets. Temptation is a dangerous thing, she recalls hearing somewhere. Right now, temptation wins out, though guilt tracks her quickly on its heels and attempts to gain traction … to no avail, the shower having taxed all remaining strength to push it away.

So close, she thinks as her head hits the pillow, tears finally forming as the truth wraps around her like a shroud. We were so damned close … and now we are even further away than before …

The dampness of her hair soaks the pillow and case, but she doesn’t care. Her eyes close, blessed sleep just within her grasp. To escape the failure, if only for a fleeting moment. She wants, needs, to recharge. To process. To find a way to cope so that she can charge forward tomorrow as they need her to …

Bedclothes drawn over her shoulders, the soothing light from the fish tank the only source of brightness in the room, reality smacks her in the face with the force of a krogan headbutt, and she shudders. Realization, even at this depth of exhaustion, is not kind; it doesn’t matter how tired she is, how badly her body wants to fade into unconsciousness, her brain is unwilling to accommodate her and will not shut off. Focusing on good times, envisioning familiar, friendly faces – none of that will help. Distraction comes in many forms, but right now, behind closed eyelids, all she sees are tactical plans, desperate fights for survival, and the face of defeat … behind a mask and a sword .... Like an old school horror film, it replays over and over and over …

A scream builds in her throat, the desire to yell and curse and blast anyone or thing close enough to her in this moment. She needs rest, dammit! If she’d only been a little faster, smarter, stronger on Thessia, they wouldn’t be in this situation. She cannot afford another mistake on that magnitude!

Biting back a half sob of frustration and anguish, she sits up and wraps her arms around her legs, dropping her forehead to rest on her knees. It’s too much. I can’t keep doing this. WHY WON’T YOU LET ME SLEEP???

The inner voices that often chide her during such times remain suspiciously silent this night. The replay of events on Thessia, however, do not.

Her chest aches, just the tiniest bloom near her heart, but it grows exponentially and spreads, its menacing tendrils burrowing deep. Her head starts to ache, beginning in her temples and slicing outward, searching for all of the most inconvenient and uncomfortable places …

This, however, she is prepared for. Without lifting her head, she extends her hand to the nightstand drawer and pulls it open. She fumbles a moment, eventually settling upon the small bottle of painkillers that the doctor provided weeks ago. The rattle from within assures her there are at least two left; it is enough. She pops them into her mouth and downs them without water. Enough is enough. Maybe this will help the other issue as well.

The bottle falls to the floor from nerveless fingers and she prays the relief comes quickly. It won’t last long, but if it can take the edge off, perhaps it will also allow her mind to be at ease and sneak stealthily past the images into unconsciousness …

Ten minutes past. Twenty. As the thirty minute mark comes and goes, a lone tear leaks from closed lids and trickles down her nose to drip silently into the sheets.

Opening her eyes, Shepard sits up, a sigh of frustration easing past her lips. She turns her attention to the tank, eyeing the creatures inside, desperately wishing for a way to escape reality for just five bloody minutes with no other care in the world. Just five damned minutes -- she isn’t greedy! -- to rest.

Rolling to her feet, she grabs the offensive towel out of spite; she could ignore it again but the risk of tripping in her current state outweighs any momentary rebelliousness. With a flick of her wrist, she tosses it in the direction of the sofa … and then groans when it falls behind it. Nothing, it seems, can be a win these days …

It's then she notices her last chance, her one saving grace. Lying on the coffee table and flipped onto its face is her music datapad. She crosses the room in three strides and grabs it as well as the earbuds and returns to bed. A simple touch of her finger to the pad starts the playback. Something soothing and gentle, she hopes. Something that will transition her failure into sleep so she can get proper sleep to deal with whatever the reapers or Cerberus throw at her next. You win some, you lose some, she recalls her father saying once so many years ago. With a sigh, she thinks, Yeah, Pop, but today we lost an important one … one that might just keep us from winning the whole thing ….

She desperately hopes she is wrong on that count.

Lying back, her eyes close and she sighs heavily as the first soft strains of piano filter in. It isn’t any song she is familiar with, but it has a nice sound to it … and then a deep, powerful, rich voice starts to croon. Resonate.

She bolts upright, eyes wide, breath tight in her chest. She knows that voice! This isn’t some professional recording, either – there’s a scratchiness in the background that suggests it was recorded over omni-tool. It also does nothing to hide the way the notes, so vibrant and compelling, meld with words that pull a deep and purely emotional response from within.

I can still taste you on my lips

I can still smell you on my sheets

I can still feel the way you tremble

When I hold you close to me

All thought of blissful peace in unconsciousness flees with the strength of a biotic flare. And she doesn’t care …

It's like everything about you

Is everything I need

Waking up without you

Is gonna be the death of me

I'm not so use to silence

I can't find you anywhere

The tears are automatic -- between lyrics and music, she cannot help it. With shaking hands, she lifts the datapad and searches for clues to its owner because it certainly is not hers.

~ n ~

Wearily, Kaidan exits the lift and enters the cabin as silently as he can. He’s aware, from EDI, that Shepard retreated here after speaking with the asari Councilor, Admiral Hackett, and following up with Liara. There is a pattern in her retreat, one he isn’t certain she’s aware of, but now is hardly the time to argue about it. Her constant state of go, go, go in the face of so much adversity without recharging is of concern to him. She is their pillar of strength at the forefront of this crusade, and she needs it as much if not more than any of the rest of them.

Still, she is who she is, and that isn’t worth arguing about either; thus the head start in the hopes she might take advantage of the opportunity and for once give in to her own needs. The fact that she’s here in her cabin suggests she may have.

He enters to darkness, the glow of the fish tank his only guide, but it’s more than enough, particularly for someone used to taking refuge in dark corners for torturous migraines. He maneuvers through the cabin with grace and skill and very little if any sound …

Until he realizes Shepard is sitting unnaturally upright in the middle of their bed. Starlight from the overhead window streams down over her; it’s more than enough to see she is shaken. Something about it, something he can’t put into words, leaves him uneasy. She turns toward him, their eyes meet, and he finds something hauntingly familiar there. “Shepard?”

“Kaidan ...”

Her voice is but a rough rasp of a whisper, but her eyes remain on his, on him. He swallows back wariness and descends the steps to sit on the edge of the bed. “Are you alright?” He is hesitant to reach out in case it startles her, and yet he cannot help himself. “Have a bad dream?” he asks as he laces his fingers with her free hand. “Is there something I can --”

She touches a datapad he didn’t see, and the air around them fills with sound.

“It's a lonely Sunday morning

Cuz you left me without warning

And I don't know how to make it through this lonely Sunday morning…”

The words and music are as familiar to him as breathing, but his eyes widen in shock as she sings along. “How did you …?”

She hands over what turns out to be his music pad. The one, he realizes, he never tucked back away in the drawer where he normally leaves it because they arrived early to Thessia and the situation there far more dire than anticipated ....

“Kaidan.”

Her voice cracks on his name and he winces at the pain in it. “Shepard, let me explain.”

She sets the pad aside and lifts her other hand to frame his cheek, turning his face toward her. “No need,” she whispers before leaning over to ghost a kiss across his lips. “I only have one question - why didn’t you tell me?”

He sighs – half in relief, half at the weight of having kept this from her for so long. “I …” He drops his gaze to their joined hands. “Losing you hurt,” he replies. It’s a simple excuse, too simple for what they’ve been through, but it’s the truth. “I needed a way to let that pain go.”

Against his cheek, he feels her hand tremble. “Do you … do you think … maybe you could teach me?”

“Hey.” He moves the pad out of the way and pulls her over onto his lap, wraps his arms around her, hums softly with the song. “Next time we’re on the Citadel?”

She nods, tucking her head against his shoulder. The song kicks into a repeat cycle, softly filling the air around them. “Sing for me?”

He presses a soft kiss to her forehead.

I can still taste you on my lips …

#mass effect fanfiction #ladya writes #fshenko #Michaela Shepard #Lonely Sunday Morning #Levi Kreis #scarletthalloran #Love you dearest!#thank you for being so patient!!!!

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laughing-with-god · 5 years

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Hi!!! I've just started following you (yandere is my guilty pleasure, so thank god I found your blog) so I don't really know if you take requests or not (I think not), but would you consider, anytime in the future, doing a yandere fanboys but with exo? I loved the BTS one and I'm curious to see how an exo one would turn out ❤️❤️❤️

BITCH I WAS AN EXO-L BEFORE ANYTHING. (Tbh I consider myself more of one than an army but that’s controversial so👀🤫)

Suho- Supportive stan. Buys anything and everything concerning you and your group. The type of guy to buy multiple copies of the same merch or album bc he just wants to support his baby. Has went to multiple fanmeets and concerts, you have seen him many times. Isn’t a big fan of social media but just got an account to follow you. His friends know that whenever they hang out with him, they’re gonna have to catch an earful about the latest thing you did. Tries imitating little catch phrases or stunts you’ve done on variety shows or V-live. Doesn’t participate in fan wars bc he’s classy but if someone said anything negative about you, he would def just make an disgusted face and leave their presence. KING of sending gifts, has handed you a few small ones during fanmeets.

Lay- Very sheepish about his love for you. Buys all the merch and music but doesn’t let people know how big of a fan he is. Practices your choreo and songs, even has his own manlier versions for your performances. You’re the inspiration for any love songs he writes/composes from that point on. He tries to act like how he thinks you would want in a man. If he thinks you like the gentle type, then he’ll practice acting more coy and content. If he thinks you like a manly man, he’ll hit the gym and act more bold. You’re his ideal type of woman. for the few times he did try to date after discovering you, he couldn’t stand women who didn’t resemble you in any way. His wardrobe will change to alter himself into your style. He doesn’t really notice it, the progression happens naturally/subconsciously. His dream is to one day perform with you.

Chen- Everyone within a five mile radius will now how obsessed this guy is with you. Hums your songs everyday while doing mundane chores. Excitedly squeals whenever you update any social media, not caring where the fuck he is. Regularly posts covers of your songs. You’re his phone background, iPad, Apple Watch, laptop EVERYTHING. Dances excitedly whenever he hears your music. Denies being a solo stan, but like he ain’t fooling anything bc he mainly only belts out YOUR lyrics and only half-assedly hums along to the other members’ lines. Not above getting nasty if someone attacks your reputation. Very protective as well, HATES dating rumors with a passion. Really wants to collaborate with you.

Chanyeol- Thinks he is being slick about his love for you but tbh he is not. Religiously streams your music, wears merch and will refuse to leave the house if you were gonna make an appearance on tv bc HE CANNOT MISS IT DAMMIT. Covers your songs, all acoustic. Comments on all your social media pics about how gorgeous you are. The type of guy to need at least a day of no one talking to him after you made a comeback bc he is just so flabbergasted. You will be his background and everything for any electronic he owns. The type to get livid if you looked like you were getting thinner or worn out by schedules. He doesn’t hate girl groups but he doesn’t like them either bc they are your competition. (Still hasn’t forgiven Twice for stealing that award from you). Boy groups annoy him though, will def be naive enough to believe all dating scandals concerning you. He now hates all of Bts, Wanna One, Got7 and half of NCT bc why were they looking at you with heart eyes at that award show?!

Baekhyun- Could shout his devotion to you from the mountain tops. Sings your songs more than his own. Bold asl, def the type to slip up while on Tv and admit he fucking adores you. (Suho will have his ass on a platter for that but like 🤷🏻‍♀️). Headass enough to copy your outfits, tells himself that he’s just completing the other half of the ‘couple aesthetic’. Would drop anything and everything to watch your insta live or check your lastest social media post. Chanyeol bought him a backstage ticket for one of your shows and baekhyun almost promised to give Yeol his first born he was so touched. Thinks he is being subliminal by adding little hints for his love for you on his insta captions but everyone knows what’s up. Sends letters and gifts your way, squeals so loud if you respond in any way. Already has your future kids names picked out. He tired to figure out what type of perfume you wore so he could spray it on his clothes to feel closer to you. Would die before he admits it to anyone.

D.O- Silent stan. His obsession with you is so well hidden. None of the members would even know about it until someone says something slightly offputting about you and Kyungsoo puts them in their place. Adoringly calls you his ‘wifey’ in his mind. Watches variety shows, movies or interviews over and over again. Almost every night. You know those ASMR videos with idols? He listens to yours to fall asleep. Your voice is just so soothing to him. Practices making your favorite meals. Trains himself to remember information about you. He hates thinking that there could be another fan out there who knows more about you then he does. Fav food, pet peeves, height, weight, blood type, school name, birthday ect. HE KNOWS IT ALL. sings your songs to himself often but doesn’t dare post covers. He personally finds covers to be really offensive. The only person who should be singing your songs is you. No other voice could top your delightful tone. Reads tips on how to be a good husband in preparation for you.

Xiumin- uwu stan. Tries to recreate your pictures for his own social media. Quiet but supportive of you, won’t openly blast your music when others are near but when he’s by himself? Hell yeah, sign him tf up. Wants to be your ideal man, starts dressing differently for you. Covers your songs and likes singing along with you on the radio bc he adores the sound of your voices together. Gets hella hurt with dating rumors, don’t mention it around him bc he’ll just get really silent and gloomy. Lowkey he can be pretty petty with other boys who lingered too long at you at events or award shows. Collects polloroid pictures of you, goes over them every night. Has dipped into fanfic about you once or twice bc it just fills this hole inside him. An insufferable urge to be with you. Gets a new cat and names it after you. (Unless ofc you hate cats and prefer dogs bc Xiumin would abandon his love of cats for you)

Kai- He wasn’t sure how it started....okay that’s a lie. Jongin first just thought you were a really fashionable and chic idol. He kept an eye out for you just bc you were very different, but then it grew into an infatuation. He stopped watching you simply for fashion reasons and started watching you bc he was just so enchanted by you. You could advertise a product and he’d the type to go buy it just bc it’s you advertising it. It could literally be something so stupid, like a dish sponge but Jongin would still quietly go out and buy 15 bc like your face is on it....he hates dating rumors concerning him. Like when fans pair him up with Jennie or Krystal, he gets pressed bc like obvi it’s YOU he should be with not them. Very terrified of the idea you could come across his dating rumors and think he’s not loyal to you.

Sehun- Proud, certified Y/n trash. Would wear your merch everyday if he could. His most played songs are all from you. If you ever were on a movie, drama or tv show then they would immediately be his favorite, binge watches it multiple times. Changes his style to fit your aesthetic. Would burn his entire wardrobe if it didn’t suit your tastes. Watches your social media very closely. It’s pretty obvious to other people that he likes you bc you’re literally the only person he follows on insta. Copies your posts for his own account. (I.e; the Miranda Kerr incident👀) He monitors what other people say about you, once got into a heated debate with a nitizen in an effort to defend your honor. Wants to start his own fan café for you. Can and will send expensive gifts your way. The type of guy to look up your guys’ astrological signs and read the compatibility reports. Helps him feel closer to you. If you ever came on screen while his dog was nearby, he point and say “Look vivi, it’s mommy!”

#exo #exo reactions #yandere exo #kpop #chanyeol #sehun #baekhyun #yandere #yixing #lay #kai #jongin #suho #xiumin #jongdae #chen

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searchingforstarss · 4 years

Text

i was tagged by the lovely @akillerqueenyouare & @lyssismagical, thank you guys <3

author name: hayley

fandom(s) you write for: right now it’s just marvel & irondad within that

where you post: on my ao3 and when i write prompts they get posted on here (and then ao3 if i like them enough!)

most popular one-shot: kept me safe and sound at night - the first thing i worked up the courage to post on my ao3 :)

most popular multi-chapter story: nobody understands us and i don’t understand it, easily!

favourite story you wrote: depends on the day lmao but honestly i’m a big fan of i want to be with you ‘til the whole world ends. i wrote it purely for myself because the idea wouldn’t leave my head but i love how it came together with a lil bit of humour and the right amounts of whump and comfort

story you were nervous to post: the obvious answer is probably the locker room because it was heavy af and took a lot of energy out of me to write but also oddly enough who needs a happy new year when you can have a happy forever? that one started as a christmas fic but then my holidays turned really stressful and not much fun so it didn’t get done. i still wanted to do something with it though so i used what i could and totally switched it round but i was nervous it would never be as good as what i originally intended rip

how do you choose your titles: unless there’s a line or phrase from the fic i’ve written that i love then it’s always lyrics from songs. i get lots of my inspiration from lyrics and listening to music and sometimes the title comes before the actual fic lmao

how many of your stories are complete: all ten i’ve actually posted on ao3 are complete but my google docs is full of so many that i’ve finished but aren’t quite good enough to post or that i’ve just abandoned half-way through

in-progress: my seven fics for febuwhump/fluff... i can’t do a prompt a day because i would stress myself out and get so anxious so i’m just going to combine sets of four prompts into one fic and post every four days instead!

coming soon: i have a bunch of prompts sitting in my inbox that i’m so excited to get around to writing because people have such fun ideas but i probably won’t get around to them after february probably :(

upcoming story you’re most excited to write: ahh the first of my febuwhump/fluff fics i have planned. i really should have started with it since it’s the one i’ll post first but i’ve combined the prompts snuggles, fever, date night and red stains and honestly it’s probably gonna be more fluff than whump but the ideas i’m working through are so CUTE (also my first time giving ned/peter a shot and i love them sm)

do you accept prompts: yep! i can definitely be a little slow because they always end up being longer than i anticipate and i get sidetracked by other things but my inbox is always open to suggestions <3

tag five fanfic authors: i know most people have been tagged in this already but!!! @peterparkrr @wordsxstars @itsreallylaterightnow @spideyfic @spideynamu

#tag game #tagged #hayley rambles #i need to stop procrastinating and go write why am i like this

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mrsnazariowrites · 5 years

Text

Yesterday

The Edge of the World: Chapter 9

Perfect Match AU

Pairing: Damien x MC

Perma-note: Dames’ name is Dexter in this series.

A/N: After weeks of studying for exams exams and just posting previews, I finally sat down and threw out the rest of this!

I’m going to start posting everything via tumblr once again, but I will still be including the archive link to the same fic as well, just in case my read-more link malfunctions or you just prefer to read on the archive.

The supporting lyrics are from the song Empty Eyes, by Within Temptation

If you need to catch up, Chapters 1-8 is in my Masterlist

Link to the Choices Fanfic Archive version: http://choicesfanfic.com/content/yesterday/

Summary: Maya has a long-overdue conversation with Alana in their cell . . . and then some very hard truths to throw at Dexter. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang infiltrate the docks. Will they make it through undetected?

Disclaimer: Characters/canon belong to Pixelberry

You’re determined by faith you pretend to make up,

You lay out your case like the enemy

But all that you got through dirty white lies,

You find the damn correct way of blaming me for your crimes

Won’t you talk to me? Don’t walk or run away.

I’m onto you . . . yesterday . . . (with empty eyes)

----------------------------

The silence inside was stifling, save for Rowan and Cecile’s argument echoing in muffled yells through the metal walls. The cargo container Maya and Alana were currently shut in allowed for plenty of leg room, but at the moment, both of them were situated in corner, trying to gather as much as they could from the conversation outside; grabbing at bits and pieces of their words to get a clue as to what would come next. Nothing special seemed to come of it besides more vengeful, grandiose declarations.

At least until one name stood out to them.

Khaan.

Maya glanced sideways and met Alana’s gaze.

“Does that name ring a bell for you?” the agent whispered.

Maya shook her head, biting her lip. “Nope. Never heard of him.”

“If this guy is so important to them, I wonder why he hasn’t shown up yet.”

As the voices outside died down, she sat back and took a deep breath which only seemed to tighten her nerves as her mind was bombarded with numerous theories. All she’d been able to get from this was that for some reason, they desperately needed this ‘Khaan’ guy to advance their Siren project. But what did that have to do with her and Damien? Wasn’t this whole thing supposed to be a ploy to recapture their group?

Then her mind shifted back to him as it often had throughout this chaos. Harley had taken him somewhere else while she and Alana were being held separately. And given that Alana’s presence here wasn’t even the original plan-

Maya’s heart sank and she drew her knees further in. Damien has something that they need. She inhaled sharply and looked back to the door. And now they have someone he needs too.

“Maya?” Alana’s calm voice came distantly to her, but she was hardly paying attention, still fixated on this new revelation. This was the only possible explanation. But as far as she knew, none of them had ever heard of Khaan. Did Damien specifically know about him? Or did he just know more than he was telling? Why would he hide it? What the hell is going on here?!

“Maya, look at me,” Alana said a little more loudly and Maya looked back at her, barely aware of how much she was shaking.

“What?”

“You okay?”

“I-” Maya blinked in surprise at the question. Not that that wasn’t a valid thing to ask, but more because it was Alana asking. “Yeah,” she cleared her throat to try and hide how much her voice was wavering. “As fine as I can be. You?” She glanced at Alana’s lip, which was slightly coated with some dried blood.

“Oh, this?” She gave a nod, smirking. “Please, I’ve seen worse.” Maya nodded in acknowledgement and moved to listen through the wall when Alana spoke again. “I’ve always hated liked Paris, you know,” she mused. “It’s so damn charming all the time.”

Maya quirked an eyebrow. “You have a pretty interesting definition of ‘charming’,” she said. “Cabarets and expensive bars not cutting it for you? You think this is any better?”

“What can I say?” Alana shrugged nonchalantly, barely giving away how she too, was trying to keep it together. The only indication of this was the way her foot kept tapping against the floor. “Keeps things interesting.”

Maya was about to elaborate on how dismal circumstances like this seemed like such a normal thing to her. But then a loud creaking sound jolted both of them out of their conversation as the door opened and someone walked in. The sole lightbulb hanging from the ceiling was dim enough to make out a familiar figure.

“Damien?” Maya instinctively perked up.

There was a scoff. “Afraid not.” Dexter came through the door, carrying two plastic plates of food. Alana watched suspiciously as he placed one in front of her. He noted her expression and rolled his eyes, his sarcasm plain for all to hear. “I’ve tried to keep any dietary restrictions in mind, but you’re gonna have to make do with what’s here for now.”

“Riiight,” Alana said dryly, eyeing the mashed potatoes in front of her. “Slop it is, then.”

He turned to Maya, handing her the same thing while she watched incredulously. The last time she’d seen that softer look in his eyes was when they were at the Louvre checking out paintings; talking and laughing together, speculating on what she’d believed was ‘their relationship’ and future. And it had all been a lie.

Dexter had been perpetrating a ruse and Maya had fallen for it hook, line and sinker. That’s what had brought them here to begin with. It was why Nadia and her friends were stuck in god-knew-where, desperately trying to find them. It was why Alana was soon to be an not-so-official missing person.

And now it was why Damien was in danger of being hurt or worse.

From the start, Maya had only been trying to do something good for Hayden, for the Matches. This was just supposed to be about exposing Eros and going back home, but now everything had spiraled out of control.

And he was the reason why.

As she looked into the eyes of the man who’d deceived her, all Maya could think of was one question. “Why?”

Dexter raised an eyebrow at that question, then glanced at the plate, seeming to think she was asking about the food. “It’s . . . been a long day. Thought you could use some food in the mean time.”

Maya looked at the plate then at him, her face contorting into a snarl, and she slapped it out of his hands. Dexter’s eyes followed where she’d thrown the food. He remained stiff in place, opening and closing his fists again before taking a deep breath and then looking back at her, tilting his head meaningfully. “I think it’s in your best interest not to antagonize the one guy who’s actually being nice to you for once-”

“Please, do you seriously think you’re doing me a favor right now?!” She all but yelled in his face. “You’re the reason we’re in this situation in the first place, which brings me back to my first question: Why?” When Dexter didn’t answer, she piled on. “Back at the Louvre . . . you impersonated Damien, made me trust you . . . god, you even let me kiss you, I-” Her voice grew thick with emotion and she broke off, having to steady herself before she could speak again. “You took advantage of me, Dexter . . . Of my feelings, my fears. How could you?”

“I- ” Dexter opened his mouth to answer, only to be silenced by the look on her face. He found himself gazing into her eyes – eyes that shone with pure hurt. She watched him expectantly as he struggled to find the words that would’ve come more easily to him many hours ago. “My job was to lead you away from the museum. It’s not personal, Maya. I was acting on Father’s-”

“Father– wow, okay excuse me while I barf.”

Dexter let out an irritated sigh. “Mr. West’s orders. I have a job to do. That’s it.”

“Yeah, your actions at the forest made that abundantly clear.”

“Excuse me?”

“You stopped Harley from hurting me. Was that part of your job description?”

His eyes narrowed. “That has nothing to do with this.”

“Oh but I think it does.” Maya stood up, balancing herself in spite of the handcuffs binding her hand to the railing. “One moment you’re handing me over to Eros and then the next you’re yelling at Harley for hitting me? I can’t figure you out!” She scoffed, shaking her head. “Every time you look at me, I see him; his eyes, his face. I think of the sweet things he’d say that make me feel safe. But then I remember your hands on me. Dragging me away from the museum, holding me down while I kicked and screamed.” She pressed on, undeterred by the way he tensed. “You’re feeling it, aren’t you? The anger.”

Maya watched every tell of his that she knew matched that of Damien – the way his jaw clenched, the way his hand was shaking. “That’s how Damien felt when Rowan attacked me in the Arctic. It’s how he felt when he saw you pull me into the van. That’s how you felt when Harley did the same. And that’s why you’ve kept me away from him since then.”

“That’s- I was just trying to-” Dexter stammered for a second, then caught himself. He pointed a finger at her, glaring. “Look, no one asked you to fake a bathroom stop and then go running off into the forest. Whatever happened to piss off Harley, that’s on you.”

“Riiight, and I’m sure he was perfectly fine with you getting knocked on your ass by Damien’s ex-girlfriend.”

His turned a light shade of red as Alana chuckled at the remark, then threw his hands up, frustrated. “What exactly do you want from me, Maya?!”

“For starters, some honesty. You started this whole thing by lying to me and then kidnapping me on someone else’s orders. Then you suddenly start insisting that I shouldn’t be harmed, though you’ll look the other way when they hurt Alana or Damien.”

“I already told you, I don’t give a f-”

“Damien’s hands shake like that too when he’s nervous.” Maya’s reply hit him point-blank.

“That has nothing to do with this.” Dexter shoved his hands in his pocket, completely brushing her off as he stepped back.

“Bullshit!” She cried. “It has everything to do with the way you keep looking at me like you suddenly want to be some kind of protector! Stop looking at me like that when you don’t even mean it!”

He barely recoiled at those words, but whoever was sitting closer to him could see that his fists were visibly bunching up in his pockets as he endeavored to keep his composure. Maya knew that with every accusation she kept throwing at him, that was probably getting harder and harder to do, and she was playing with fire. Under normal circumstances, she’d have been a little calmer than this.

But now? She was too frustrated with her situation to care.

Dexter glared at her. “You think I want to look at you?” He fired back passionately. “That I wouldn’t rather just do my job and move on without Harley breathing down my neck? That it’s so easy for me to wonder why every time I see you cry, I feel like-” He immediately stopped and looked away, his face becoming as stony as it’d been before, but it was too late.

“W-what?” Maya’s eyes widened at this random slip-up and everything came to a standstill. Several seconds of uncomfortable silence passed until she finally managed to speak again. “You feel like what?” She unconsciously stepped forward, only to be held back by her restraints. “Dexter . . .”

“It doesn’t matter,” Dexter said, shaking his head. “None of it matters. You want an answer? Fine. All of these extra feelings are the real thing.” He continued to study her as she gaped at him, clearly not having expected that. Then he quickly added, “But I’m not the real thing, not your Damien. The sooner you accept that, the better it would be for you.”

“Dexter, it does matter. Stop pretending like you don’t have a choice. You do. You’ve always had a choice.”

“I don’t-”

“No, you’re wrong,” she shouted passionately. “Life is full of choices! And Matches are just as alive as humans! That makes you accountable for what you do. You chose to obey Eros, chose to deceive me, and now you’re choosing to ignore that you know this is wrong! Eros isn’t doing this anymore, Dexter! You are!”

There was a flash of hurt in his eyes that immediately changed to anger. “You know what? I’ve had enough of your whining,” he growled. “You wanna throw tantrums and piss off everyone you meet? It’s your funeral.” He swiftly marched over to the discarded food, scooped it back onto the plate in one swipe and then then threw it down in front of her. “Eat if you want, or go hungry. See if I care.” And with that, he strode out of the cargo container, slamming the door behind him.

Maya rolled her eyes and sat back down, fuming. She stared at the food for a few seconds, wrinkling her nose in disgust no matter how her rumbling stomach was betraying her at the this time, then looked away morosely.

Alana’s snarky comment broke the silence. “If you’re the best negotiator your group’s got, it’s no wonder you always manage to land in some sort of trouble.”

She whirled on her, irritated. “Oh sure, you’re one to talk about negotiating.”

Now it was Alana’s turn to roll her eyes as she picked up on the hidden meaning. “Aww, is the little princess still holding a grudge?”

“I- are you-” Maya let out an incredulous squeal. “It hasn’t even been a week! What did you expect, a heartwarming forgiveness monologue?!”

“Well, technically-”

“No, that doesn’t count!” She snapped. “Sticking together was what got us out of there. I stand by that, but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten your role in this. And while we’re on my negotiation skills,” Maya leaned forward to emphasize her next point. “Let’s not forget that it’s my sweet-talking that got Rowan to reveal his plans despite the scene you made at dinner.”

Alana’s jaw dropped and she was silent for several moments, studying her until her smirk returned. “Impressive, Maya. Looks like there’s hope for us after all, that is, if your overactive limbic system doesn’t get us in trouble.”

“Can’t be any worse the way yours did.” To her surprise, Alana laughed at the jab. Another silence passed as Maya watched her curiously, partly hating how she felt her previous anger towards the wayward agent start to soften. Then she threw out the other question that had been stuck in her head ever since that fateful day in Moscow. “Did you really think Damien would’ve thought better of you if your plan had gone through? If he’d been safe and we’d all been thrown to the wolves?”

Thanks to the poor lighting inside the cargo container, Maya didn’t notice Alana’s slight flinch at her abrupt question.

“I . . . hadn’t thought things through then. I realize that now.” The agent sighed. “I didn’t know what Eros was beyond what you had all told me. When you said they were after a robot and some files, I didn’t exactly forsee . . . this.” She gestured to the their dingy prison. “I mean this is dark. Really messed up.” That flicker of emotion in her eyes was there again. “Kidnapping, replacing people, to-” Alana immediately closed her mouth before she could finish the last word. She didn’t bother to look at Maya to see if she’d picked up on it.

Maya looked down at her lap, beginning to fidget with her hands. “Then why betray us like you did?”

“I didn’t see it that way then. At the time, my only interest was in keeping Damien safe. I didn’t know you guys nor did I particularly care about you.” She sighed again. “But given the last few days since the train, I see now that you’re . . . good people. Disgustingly annoying proportions of good in fact. I suppose I can see why Damien thinks so highly of you.”

“Alana . . .” At this point, Maya couldn’t help the intrigue she felt at what was probably the first genuine interaction between them. Before, Alana had shown nothing but disdain for them, which was easy to brush off, given her shaky history with Damien. But she’d still come forward to help when she saw their situation – albeit putting on a show of wanting to help for Damien’s sake, only to throw them under the bus for that very reason.

And now it seemed that the realization was hitting Alana harder than before – that not only had she grossly misjudged the wrong people on all ends, but her actions had also ended up endangering the one person she’d truly wanted to protect. Even if it hadn’t, the way things were going now, Alana would have earned his hatred if Maya and the others had had to face this alone.

“Bringing you to Eros was a . . . bad call. If I’d known what I know now, I . . . would’ve made a different call.”

Maya’s lip twitched. “Alana Kusuma. Are you trying to apologize?” The scowl forming on Alana’s face only heightened her amusement, lifting her anxiety and encouraging her teasing even further. “You must really like me. It’s almost like we’re-”

“All right, don’t push it, kid.”

————————————————-

Dexter paced angrily next to the cargo container, hardly aware of the faint conversations going on nearby. At this moment, he didn’t care whether anyone would see him practically lose his composure over one girl. He had every right to be annoyed now, if not before.

He had never exactly expected Maya to be cooperative, given the circumstances, but her anger was infectious. Every time she would let loose, it caught onto someone else and would spiral into a chain reaction that would come back to him. The way she’d easily angered Rowan was evidence of that. And considering the way Cecile kept egging him on, this did not bode well for anyone. This was bound to land them all in trouble if they weren’t careful. Why Maya couldn’t see that was beyond him.

What was also beyond him was why he was even concerned over this. As far as he knew, the mission was accomplished – yet every order he’d followed was starting to backfire on him. Limiting Harley’s apparent zeal for cruelty, following orders to the letter . . . Dexter had done it all, yet now it was his loyalty that was possibly being questioned.

He’d heard time and time again that it wasn’t in any Match’s best interest to cross Rowan – and he hadn’t. But after today, he couldn’t help feeling a pull toward the idea that something else was amiss. Was it from Rowan’s apparent, cold disregard for these people’s dignity? Based on what Dexter knew, Rowan at least seemed to be very attached to his creations, going as far as to consider them his ‘children‘.

Dexter wrinkled his nose a bit at that thought. Somehow, the label still didn’t sit well with him. He never questioned it, but that didn’t mean he welcomed it. As far as he knew, he had a mother and four sisters who he was one hundred percent sure cared for him . . . at least they would’ve if the relationship was actually real.

It wasn’t, though, nor was it his place to want that. No matter how real these details felt, they were as fake as his persona. So long as he’d accepted this, Rowan and Cecile were placated.

No, he was part of Rowan’s destiny, to carry out his vision for the Siren Project. Much like the mythical creatures of Greek lore that had brought doom to innocent sailors, he himself had charmed Maya – taking the form of her lover and charming her with sweet words, only to lead her and her friends into danger.

Sirens could wield power without lifting a finger. They were breathtaking, yet ruthless, cunning, unwavering . . . and held no remorse for their actions.

So why was he faltering now?

Dexter had done everything he was supposed to do. Eros was getting what they wanted today because of him. His subtlety was why their plan had worked to begin with. He’d had, what, only a few moments of sympathy for Maya’s plight? And now while Harley got off kissing Rowan and Cecile’s prissy asses, he’d just been scolded like some small child.

I’m not a child. No one tells Damien Nazario what to-

Dexter cut off his thoughts in realization, then balled his hands into fists. “God fucking DAMN IT!” With a yell of frustration, he blindly kicked at a box nearby, watching as cracked open and its’ contents spilled everywhere.

—————————————————–

Nadia and Sloane were crouched behind a large pile of boxes, surveying the area. Cargo containers outlined every area of these docks, like a maze. Where Hayden and Steve were at this point was hard to guess, considering how easy it would be to get lost here and in consequence, be discovered.

Once they’d arrived at the docks, they’d spent a good few minutes surveying the area until finding a spot that wasn’t patrolled by guards. The plan was for Hayden and Steve to snatch some guard uniforms for themselves, then use the former’s similar appearance to Harley as an advantage to clear the area. Then he would lead the rest of them undetected to a better vantage point where they could plan their rescue.

Until then, the others could only wait bated breaths. Nadia clutched Dipper closely to her as they did their best to stay hidden until Hayden and Steve returned. In the distance, she could make out silhouettes, bobbing in the ocean and she could feel memories coming back that she’d rather not relive. She quickly shook her head, trying to quash down any thoughts of what Maya and her friends were going through.

No, Nadia. No negativity allowed! We’re going to make it out of here. Period. Though she still couldn’t resist getting one particular thought out in the open.

“Hey Sloane?” she said quietly.

“Hmm?”

“I really hate boats.”

“Agreed.”

There was a loud crash and a shout from nearby and both girls jumped. Sloane instinctively clapped her hands over her mouth as a few figures came around the corner. Dipper’s ears were straightened up and her teeth bared. She was on high alert, but to her credit, remained quiet; it was as if she’d sensed the danger her guardians were in if she made so much as a sound in front of the wrong people.

“We’re back.” Steve’s loud whisper brought relief to all of them as he and Hayden approached them, dressed in the guards’ black uniforms. Nadia stepped out of her hiding spot and approached them, beaming as Steve wrapped her in a hug, instantly evaporating her previous worry.

Sloane was smiling approvingly as she took in their appearance. “This is perfect, very convincing.” she said. “With you two dressed like that, Eros won’t even know the difference.”

“Oh they didn’t,” Hayden laughed. “Once I walked up and started barking orders, they scampered off.”

“Did you find a place?”

He nodded. “The area I cleared out has a few cargo containers we can hide in. But we need to move fast.” And with that, he began to lead everyone in a certain direction.

“By the way babe?” Nadia looked to Steve, grinning. “You’re gonna save that uniform for after we get outta here, right?” Sloane and Hayden collectively groaned and she raised her hands defensively. “What? I’m just saying . . .”

“Nadia?!” An all too familiar voice stopped them in their tracks and they whirled around, ready to face whatever threat had just come their way. They froze when they saw him. Dipper let out a low growl and Hayden tensed.

Nadia’s eyes widened and she almost lunged forward, only to be held back by Steve. Taking a deep breath, she backed down and looked back to the one who’d just intercepted them, swallowing hard.

“Damien, is that you?”

--------------------

I don’t know where I’m going, in search for answers

I don’t know who I’m fighting, I stand with empty eyes

You’re like a ghost within me, who’s draining my life

It’s like my soul is see through

Right through my empty eyes

---------------------

@lizeboredom @scalpeljockeybrycelahela @flowerpowell @walkerismychoice @walkerduchess @odetomars @okchoices @mfackenthal @nazariobae @gardeningourmet @eileendannie @rainbowsinthestorm @choiceslife @the-everlasting-dream @aworldoffandoms @musicalnerd98 @queen-among-writers @ab1901 @universallypizzataco @sawyeroakleyscowboyhat @jlpplays1 @mysteli @itsraleighcarrera @mitalijoshi @furiousherringoperatortoad @strangerofbraidwood @client-327 @damienazarios @sawyeroakleyscowboyhat @mrsnazariowalker @indiacater @boneandfur @simplyaiden-blog @furiouscloddonutpeanut @blackcatkita @ritachacha @moonlightgem7 @jadedpixiescribbles @brightpinkpeppercorn @choicesarehard

#perfect match #damien x mc #damien nazario #perfect match fanfiction #choices fanfiction #pm dames #nadia park #hayden young #sloane washington #steve tennyson #perfect match au #alana kusuma #the edge of the world #angst

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violetnuisance · 4 years

Note

Eep need an opinion- I highkey want to post some of my writing on Ao3, but I'm scared to- Like I dunno bow to start and only one person reads it help- ~🌸

Yes, you should post your works, flower anon!!! I’m just gonna be safe rather than sorry and assume you don’t have an account yet. So lemme explain how to “get started.”

1. Ao3 or Wattpad?

A lot of people discredit Wattpad but underneath the outer layer of young teen cringe, it’s actually a decent platform. People can make inline comments within your chapters to react to a certain part of your story which I think is really neat. Trying to find fics on Wattpad is kind of a mosh pit. You just fall down a rabbit hole that has no clear organizational pattern whatsoever. Despite that hellhole, if your fic is decently written, it’ll get attention from the fandom. I usually get a lot more interaction from my Wattpad readers than my Ao3 ones.

Personally, I still prefer Ao3. While I don’t get as many comments, the set up is a lot cleaner. I know that as long as I label my fic with the fandom it’s in, people will be able to clearly find it. Whereas Wattpad is one gigantic mosh pit. Since you personally mentioned ao3, I’m gonna give a lil more info on that.

2. Starting ao3

Well, you’re gonna wanna create an account. Since ao3 is completely operated by nornal joes and not a corporate entity, once you apply for an account, you’ll receive it in a couple days to a week or so. I think I got mine in two days. It wasn’t that long. Truth be told, I dunno much about setting up the actual account. I still don’t even have a pfp, and I just learned how to subscribe to authors lol.

3. Publishing a fic

I highly recommend you write something up in google docs or word and then paste it into the platform. But after you have the first part written and you give it a nice title and summary, it’s time to caregorize it. Categorizing it will draw more attention to it then the prior two aforementioned ever will. My summary’s suck and I always rely on tags. Prime example: Wait a Minute

We love just quoting song lyrics. But lemme break it up a lil.

Fandom/Pairing: just plug these bitches in. This is what most people are gonna search for and how most will find ur fic

Tags: okay so lemme tell u, I don’t take tags that seriously. Just chug in a few about what your story is. If it’s a slow burn, put that, and whatnot. But also use non official tags. Sometimes ppl just click wgen a tag bewilders them or makes them laugh. Under the table is a great example of this bullshittery.

Used to have more interaction on it before I deleted and reposted 😪

Rating: So besides tags, people can narrow their search results by choosing a certain rating. So try ya best to rate accordingly. Ao3 has a great lil explanation of each rating. If someone’s searching for only Explicit fics, they not gonna want to see one of just Sal and Ash playing tic tac toe. Twister on the other hand...

4. Wrapping Up

Idk I can’t remember anything else. High key I’m just a bumbling idiot who got lucky. When I posted Wait A Minute, it was before Sally face fanfics started heavily coming in. Since it was one of the first, it obviously got more traction. If I had posted it later, it’d probably just be lost in the sea of fics with gaping plot holes.

BUT I WILL READ UR FIC OVER BEFORE YOU POST IT IF YOU WANT??? But forewarning, I take beta reading seriously. I litter the documents people send with suggestions or concerns or whatever in the comments. So if ya don’t want that but would still like another pair of eyes on it, just tell me. I’ll still read it, but bite my tongue.

But honestly, you should post. Fandoms always need new content creators.

Also forgive me for typos, but I’m not reading over this before posting

#sally face #ao3 #wattpad #fanfiction #fanfiction authors

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purplenarwhal19 · 4 years

Text

COSMIC DANCER

so, here’s a v short story I wrote for class about the importance of exploration. two of the songs that are excerpted in my story I found through @basic-banshee ‘s fanfic Rebel Rebel which is one the best (probably the best) fanfics ever.

Also I don’t know how to do the cutoff thingy so it’s gonna be a long post 🤷‍♀️ so sorry

....

enjoy, I guess? 💕

COSMIC DANCER

Over the radio, a gentle guitar played, followed by T. Rex’s smooth and repetitive lyrics. I sighed, bliss. We were driving on a California road in our rusty tour bus. Sitting in our narrow duffel bag with my costars, with bemused smiles plastered across our faces. Cool air conditioning blew a soft breeze. We listened to beautiful, alternative music, an epic soundtrack for our journey. This was the life of a performer. A true actress.

It was the summer of 1971. I was an actress and dancer on the television and stage show, Desi Dance. We were a children’s show that taught people all about India’s rich culture and history. Dance, art, poetry, music, and food offered just a peek into Indian tradition. We had been performing and touring for six years, but it felt like we started the show yesterday.

“I danced myself right out the womb

Is it strange to dance so soon?”(1)

The guitar solo came into full sound with the backing vocals. It created a powerful feeling that filled my whole body with true hope and strength.

All my life I had danced. It was my escape, my passion, and my love. It felt like that was what I was made for. Reading also brought escape, when the pressure of being an actress became too much. Reciting poetry for my castmates or singing a song that was stuck in my head was so relaxing and freeing. The lyrics are what spoke to me about music, and while I had quite a large vocabulary, there were often times when I didn’t know what a word meant.

“Beraham, what is a womb?” I questioned the boy next to me, clad in loose fitting turquoise pants with gold embroidery.

“I don’t know, Shrishti,” Beraham said plainly.

Beraham and I both sat there, still enjoying it, yet dumbfounded. Curiosity, a crimson rash that we needed to itch, in that unreachable spot on your back. This infection spread throughout the whole cast, leaving all of us with that same itch.

Maybe I could ask my movement director when we get to the venue… I thought as I drifted off, wrapped up in the comfort of music and friendship.

The year was 1973. In the dressing room, now with a smaller cast, we were practicing lines and getting ready to film. I had been groomed with brushes, painted with makeup and had been dressed in the most gorgeous fabrics. My lengha was brilliant magenta with intricate canary yellow details, and paired with a simple sequinned pearly white top. I loved these days, dressing up, feeling beautiful like a royal queen.

To the left of me, a record player played a Paul Simon favourite, setting our moods to the upbeat song.

“The mother and child reunion

Is only a motion away

Oh, the mother and child reunion

Is only a moment away”(2)

A familiar feeling of confusion washed over me. Why is the reunion so important? Why were the mother and child separated? Who are they?

Who is my mother?

Where is she?

Everyone has a mother. Our director, our manager, our movement director, the children in the audience; everyone except me and my fellow actors.

Everyone except me.

I tried to close my perfectly designed eyes, to block out the image of my unfortunate life, but my body refused to listen to my command. Blinking wasn’t even in my control.

I felt so overwhelmed. I had no identity. Who am I? This was a question from too deep in my heart for me to bear.

It was too much. I wanted to leave, I had to get up. I willed my thin, stick-like legs to stand up, pushing, using all the strength I had, just to leave the room.

Nothing happened.

I tried again, hoping for something, some sign of my own independence.

Nothing.

My body wasn’t mine. My will, myself, I could not control it. My life wasn’t mine.

I looked around at my colleagues, chatting, laughing, and totally unaware of their inability to be free. Bound to our employers who dictate and orchestrate our every move.

“Oh, little darling of mine

I can’t for the life of me

Remember a sadder day

I know they say let it be

But it just don’t work out that way”(2)

Paul Simon was right, I still can’t remember a sadder day than that one. My life had changed forever.

As years passed, I began to feel emptier and emptier, resenting my profession, and hating my life. Those years also happened to be our most successful, as a show. The success changed everything. Our bosses got sloppy; high on the fame, as well as their drugs of choice.

Most notably, Arjun, our stage director, became addicted to heroin. It was a horrid sight to witness him become a shell of the person he used to be. It reminded me exactly of that sad, sad Velvet Underground song.

“Heroin, be the death of me

Heroin, it’s my wife and it’s my life

Because a mainline into my vein

Leads to a center in my head

And then I’m better off than dead”(3)

It broke my heart to see him like this. I couldn’t understand how he could inject a toxin into his body by choice. How he could slowly kill himself one high after another.

By then, I had realized that I wasn’t human. I was something else, like them, yet different; stronger, yet weaker.

I spoke with my closest companions, Beraham, Jaidev, and Mitali. They were as confused as I was the day I realized I entered this world without anyone, without a mother. They too began life motherless.

The directors, started our show with shining faces, and now were graying and worn out. We kept the same expressions over the years, never seeing a wrinkle appear, never feeling an ache or pain, never feeling or looking our age.

We hadn’t aged in the past 20 years. We were to be used, like the puppets we were, forever.

“What can we do?” Mitali questioned, urgency overtaking her usual calm nature.

“Nothing,” Jaidev said. “It’s hopeless…”

“I want you to know deep in the cell of my heart

I really want to go

There is another world… a better world

Well, there must be…”(4)

I felt like the Smiths were reading my mind; I wanted another world, a better world, and I hoped with all my heart and soul that there would be one.

This was the lowest depth of our depression. We considered “ending it all”, whatever that meant.

Most of the time our directors listened to nonsense music filled with empty, happy thoughts that had less meaning than my life. When we listened to the melancholy music of Miles Davis, Billie Holiday and Chet Baker, that our bosses listened to so rarely, it felt reassuring: someone else suffered as we did.

Determined to solve this problem, I decided to speak with the director about our conditions. I had heard the humans refer to us as “puppets”, inanimate objects who could only recite lines, made only of felt, and paint. This sounded as bad as any slur that I’d heard before. They pushed and shoved us around, threw us in crowded duffel bags. This had to stop. We needed to break away from the chains the humans bound us in.

“Today we will close our show with an excerpt from Keralan poet, Kamala Surayya. “I am sinner, I am saint— I’m sorry. I can’t do this,” I paused, taking a moment to think of the right words.

“I cannot read the words of a woman who has lived and loved, while I am kept here, held captive by you humans!” I angrily burst, far less eloquent than I had imagined, emotion overtaking my composed mask.

My face turned a deep scarlet shade of red, reminiscent of tamaatar; something that had never happened before. The camera people, directors, and executives stood in place, too shocked to move or speak, the puppet that they had manipulated for so many years had finally taken control and spoken back.

Divya, a camera person, pale and shocked, stuttered, “W-what is happening?” She glanced around nervously at the other people in the room to see if they saw the same thing.

“Divya, you aren’t hallucinating. This is very real. My costars and I are conscious beings; we may not be able to move like you humans, but we deserve the same treatment as you. We have thoughts and feelings, hopes and dreams. The way you speak about us is degrading. The way you touch and move us is disrespectful. We deserve respect and our thoughts and opinions are as valid as yours,” I spoke with a dignified tone. “The cast and I would like to have a meeting with all of you to discuss our treatment.”

Wide eyed, the crew, obediently agreed and took us to our cramped dressing room. The room was painted a pale yellow with a cheap elephant decal on the wall that was torn and peeling on the edges. This tiny room barely housed all thirteen of us cast members. With all of the behind the scenes crew in our room, we were packed in tight, like sardines in a tin.

“We have called this meeting today to negotiate our rights and responsibilities within this community,” Mitali serenely began. “Our citizenship within our show needs to include us as full members with equal rights and consideration. We understand that your use of us has immense benefits for you, with few benefits for us.”

“You make significant profits from our labor. Your wage is even plentiful enough for you, Arjun, to fund your addiction.” Jaidev scoffed.

With a quivering chin, Arjun begged, “What can we do to fix our mistakes?”

Beraham blustered, “ We want a change in your behaviour!”

“We cannot move on our own, so we expect help and kindness. When you have moved us in the past, even just five minutes ago, you throw around our bodies, like the inanimate objects you believe us to be. We want to go outside and see the world. We want more space in our dressing room, and we expect some real answers about who and what we are,” I demanded.

Afters some discussions we learned that we were the descendants of Saraswati, the Goddess of wisdom and art. The movement directors, who were called “puppeteers”, had no idea that we could do more than just read prepared lines, until we had all travelled to America. This was too far away from the Pundita, that had given them the divine puppets that we were. They could not receive guidance. They had no idea as to what we were capable of, or how to teach us.

That Pundita was my mother. Her name was Tavni, and I was given a picture of her.

She had a golden, caramel complexion, with large eyes and hazel pupils. She had a smile that lit up a whole room and round, rosy cheeks.

I noticed the similarities in our appearances, the way she had crafted me to look so much like her.

I had found my identity.

Learning all of this information brought a new sensation to my eyes; something burning and prickly, and a wet droplet traveling down my cheek. I was crying! This feeling brought a warm emotion of relief, of content and of closure.

Soon after these discoveries, I realized that I loved my job. Even though the past years had been rough, this was what I was meant to do. If conditions improved, I would truly be happy.

I was going to do what my mother created me for. Dancing and performing, bringing India to the whole world and teaching about our glorious culture. I would do just that.

“I danced myself into the tomb

I danced myself into the tomb

Is it strange to dance so soon?

I danced myself into the tomb…”(1)

THE END

SONGS REFERENCED:

(1) Cosmic Dancer, T. Rex, 1971

(2) Mother and Child Reunion, Paul Simon, 1972

(3) Heroin, The Velvet Underground, 1967

(4) Asleep, The Smiths, 1987

#writing #inspo #art #exploration #indian #lengha #my writing #please be kind #I actually got a perfect mark on this and I am so fucking excited #PLEASE READ

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steve0discusses · 5 years

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Yugioh S2 Ep 43: Things Get a Lot Less Vague, But it’s Still Pretty Vague

I’m taking full advantage of the laziest time of the year and I’m watching even more Yugioh. I even gave myself a buffer. Sort of. I kinda lost a day playing Octopath Traveler and I don’t even remember that happening.

Now this episode doesn’t have anyone getting struck by lightning, but if that happened, it would have fit right in. A lot happened in this episode. So, to start off, Mai decided to play one of the three cards we were given explicit instructions to never ever play and it has immediately screwed her over via orb.

Everyone else watching the orb has become completely enamored by it. Especially Kaiba, who is pretty positive he can turn this sphere into a dragon. I don’t know why anyone would ever come to this conclusion, but welcome to Yugioh, it’s well into S2 and I’m just still jaw agape and saying “HOW?” at my screen.

Like y’all I don’t know how to play this game, which should be hella apparent from reading any of my posts, but like there is one thing that everyone knows--even I knew--about Yugioh the game. Let me just, once sec

Ah, there we go.

Like sometimes it shows that your game is originally in a language that doesn’t require spaces between words. And like this is coming from me. You know how verbose I am, I freakin love words. But maybe that’s too many words for a card.

(read more under the cut)

And while this is pretty much the worlds most BS card already, what’s even better is that none of this jargon appeared until after Mai played the card. Like basically the card pretends to be completely normal and then is like “Boom, gotcha. I’ll just be a cool Ikea orb lamp instead!”

At this point, while everyone is scrambling around trying to fathom what to do about this huge ass fake sun blinding everyone down in Domino, Marik decides to deposit some more bizarre lore.

I kind of assumed Yugi and Kaiba were born with the correct soul formula to become the reincarnation of these people from 3000 B.C.E. without any actual blood relations but apparently, somehow, you got people from Ancient Egypt migrating to Ancient Japan. Sure, I mean if you did enough trading routes it could happen. It just seems like it would be a difficult transition?

And we could get real head canon and talk about their parentage since there’s a lot we don’t know. Mokuba and Kaiba could have different fathers, since they are quite different looking, which may be how Mokuba is exempt from all this lore while it still applies to Seto (Cuz Mokuba has been staring at that card for like quite a while and he cannot read it). But like, I don’t know if the show will even bother to cover that.

I don’t know if we’ll find out when in their bloodlines Kaiba and Yugi’s Egyptian cursed lines arrived in Japan. Was this during like the Edo period? Was this to set up a really bizarre Shogun Yugioh spinoff?

Wait, is that a thing? I don’t actually know, Yugioh seems to have like 8 spinoffs that all look a lot of the same to me. It may just be 1 spinoff that Netflix keeps changing the preview image of to trick me into thinking there’s 8 of them.

Or, did Kaiba have a relative that showed up in the 80′s and had a crazy weekend and a one night stand? Would Kaiba even know who his real Dad is?

Whatever, I’m sure there’s plenty of fanfic made over the last 20 years to cover this so I don’t have to. Moving on.

And then this kid’s show decided to tie up Mai to a wall or something? Man, Marik and chaining people up, this is the fourth person he’s chained up today! At least this time she doesn’t have a box over her head.

Still pretty kinky though.

Yo did Mokuba just...casually walk out of Marik’s Shadow Realm just now?

Again, do they cancel the game at this point because the equipment is...clearly malfunctioning? Like, this is the part that Kaiba is supposed to have full control of because he made all the equipment they’re using and he’s just...glossing over this? Like, this is the one thing that Kaiba would be like “OK wait, wait, we can’t ship it like this, my company is actually ruined if the game can do this, one sec, cancel everything.”

Nah. They just kinda watch.

And now, Marik decides to say the bird chant so we can hear what was actually written on the card and it was...a...

...it was the definition of what a poem is all right...

This is the lyrics to the Ra poem, just so you can see how bad it is. My search engine history will never be the same, but I just want y’all to glory on how kid’s show this poem is, compared to everything else going on in this kid’s show at this moment.

"Great beast of the sky, please hear my cry./

Transform thyself from orb of light and bring me victory in this fight/

Envelop the desert with your glow and cast your rage upon my foe./

Unlock your powers deep within so that together we may win./

Appear in this Shadow Game as I call your name,/

Winged Dragon of Ra"

Bravo, writers. Bravo. This corny as hell poem with its very awkward meter was voiced over alllllll the other nuts stuff going on in this show and guys, it’s a juxtaposition.

Now at this point, Kaiba has his poem he needs to make the card works--so he no longer needs to translate it--so he can just cancel. He’s got everything he wants now. Time to just cancel. Throw the cursed boy in whatever prison you got on this ship. In fact, just toss him off the ship entirely. You no longer need him. He doesn’t even have the card anymore. Mai has it.

I honestly think Kaiba just spaced the hell out at this point.

Also then Marik follows it up by saying this:

Joey gets wind that this is pretty bad and we’re going to get a very dead Mai--I mean Joey was the one who just recently got struck by lightning so it’d make sense that he’d be the one to say "I know for a real true fact none of you are going to do a damn thing about this unless I do this myself.” So he runs directly over to Kaiba but then I think the show decided to edit out him talking to Kaiba because it just jump cuts to Joey talking to Roland instead.

Like it really felt like Joey went the long way around to get on this platform but I dunno, maybe he tried to punch Kaiba in the Japanese version and that’s why they edited it out? I dunno.

Also, how many times will Joey get DQ’d before he actually gets DQ’d? Will anyone ever in fact get DQ’d in this entire tourney?

As Ra starts warming up his engines to start spewing fire all over the field, Joey decides to take a moment to try and talk to Mai. To tell her that yes, he did have a dream about her, but didn’t want to tell her earlier, because no teenage boy in their right mind would tell an adult woman that they had a dream about them during a near-death experience.

Which honestly most of it was lost on the fact that Mai can only hear him as a sort of ghostly spooky echo.

So then, through the power of...the show only calls if friendship, but it’s very vague, y’all...they break the curse that Marik put on Mai, and she remembers Joey. Also because Joey is touching her face. Like literally touching her. This would have been way spookier if she could not see him at this point.

So Ra is getting ready to fry these two up and I thought “wow, we’re gonna get two bodies at the end of this episode. What a treat!” but there’s a twist.

What? Lol what?

Within like 3 milliseconds, Yugi goes “dammit what are these assholes doing?” and leaps up to the platform and then takes yet another direct fireball hit in order to save Joey Wheeler. No one even asked Yugi to do this--he’s not even competing in this game, but he certainly got up there and took it.

This episode must have been a right up shipping frenzy when y’all were 12.

Marik is so pleased that he got to eff up Yugi more in this duel than the one that he actually tried to kill Yugi Muto in. If I remember correctly he did mention that this all was very convenient--I mean he got 3 in one go and he wasn’t even trying. So, Because Yugi is passed out and because Kaiba will never actually step in and stop anyone in this show unless Mokuba orders him to, Marik walks straight up to Joey and Mai and makes some more nonsense right in front of everyone on this show.

This is right in front of most of the entire cast.

Maybe it’s the color scheme but I got strong Stinky Cheese Man vibes from this magic effect.

I thought of pulling more caps from this point but there was waaaay too much shirtless Yugi in it. In my mind, all cartoon characters, when they take their shirt off, have another shirt on underneath. And if they take off that shirt, it’s yet another shirt. It’s shirts and boots leggings on all the way down to infinity like a russian nesting doll, and the image of shirtless Yugi really puts a kibosh to my world view and I didn’t like it.

No kinkshame, of course, if that’s your thing, well, you got a 18x18 pixel shirtless Yugi right there for you to enjoy. Enjoy.

Now that Mai has been trapped here in this hourglass resort, she will lose her memories of her friends for the rest of time, obsessively watching everyone else's vacations that are full of friends having way more fun than she is having.

This is just Instagram basically. Y’all, this is just Instagram.

And some of y’alls Instagram has shirtless Yugis in it, I just know it.

And not to get too real but like, last episode we went through how Marik basically gave Mai depression--and it says a lot that his way of doing this was illustrated in a show written like 20 years ago in a lot of the same way social media works today. Just throwing that out there.

Overall, I feel like the theme of the Mai ark is “Marik just sped up what they were already doing and it was super effective.” Mai trapped herself in her own false and negative insecurities. Kaiba failed to moderate anything. Joey waited way too late to say the right thing. Yugi sacrificed himself again to such a degree that he couldn’t save Mai later when Marik was just strutting around cursing people willy nilly.

And I’m not going to lie, Marik’s cargo pants/cape strut was hilarious.

It was probably supposed to be menacing, but this long cut of this ridiculous cast just watching this weird boy go was great.

Up until now Seto has been a very patient impatient person, but now it’s finally his duel, and he’s so excited to duel Ishizu--but y’all it’s just Seto up against a phsycic again. I imagine it’s gonna go real great.

Other than that one guy in town, will this boy ever duel a normal person?

Also...been debating on whether Mai is dead or alive, and her soul still seems attached to her body--like she’s still salvageable? So I’ll say alive for now. Seems more like a dream than like she literally got transported elsewhere.

Dude. It is S2 and I just realized that Mai Valentine is a pun.

Damn.

If you just got here, this is the end of S2 and things are rapidly losing their mind. Click here if you want to read from ep 1

#yugioh #yugioh recap #photo recap #s2 ep43 #So like this season is almost over and nothing is getting resolved?#joey wheeler #mai valentine #yugi muto #seto kaiba #marik ishtar #How many times in one day can yugi Muto get hit with a fireball #Do not understand how this boy isn't in smash yet #mokuba #tea gardner #tristan taylor #I guess duke devlin was also here in the background

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madfermusic · 7 years

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Why I Fucking Love The Libertines Masterpost

Hey ho, this will be a kind of introduction post mostly aimed at people who are interested in The Libertines and the fandom but of course it’s also helpful for the ‘old’ hard-core fans. It’s also a super selfish post as I now have all the important stuff on one page and can come back here for reference. But well, you can use it as well and I might even get people to love The Libs through this post which would be super awesome cause they are amazing. And this post will of course be also very subjective when it comes to shipping, opinions on band members and songs and that stuff. I won’t list facts about the band here that you can easily read on Wikipedia or other sites dedicated to the history of the band, I’ll add other stuff here that is good to know but probably not serious enough for a site different than Tumblr *sigh*.

I’ll start off with the music – cause it’s kind of the most important thing. I guess with life in the fandom, meeting new friends, fangirling and that stuff we sometimes forget about the music. Not in the sense that we don’t listen to it anymore and only indulge in writing fanfics and having discussions with other fans, but in the sense that we forget that it was the music that brought us here in the first place. And you simply can’t be a part of a band fandom if you don’t like/know the music. Sorry, I don’t make the rules. You just can’t have the dessert before the main course. So let’s get started:

Up The Bracket

Released 2002

Punkish garage rock style with kind of rough and absolutely banging tunes

Really hard to choose favourites but I’ll do it anyway:

Death On The Stairs: This song isn’t only a favourite of The Libs themselves but also of mine. I might even go as far as calling it my favourite Libs song of all. This melody is pure heaven as it is so simple yet so genius and seeing as it’s about Carl’s depressive phases which I can deeply identify with this song just stuck with me. Apart from that I can’t really explain what for me personally makes this song superior to other Libs songs though. “So baby please kill me/ oh baby don't kill me/ but don't bring that ghost 'round to my door/ I don't wanna see him anymore/ please kill me/ oh baby don't kill me/ just don't bang on about yesterday/ you know, I wouldn't know about that anyway”

Horrorshow: This song is absolutely wild. It’s a loose-your-voice kind of song that makes you jump up and down when hearing it – especially live – and you will be crushed by other fans when they play it on a gig…the people just go mad. ”She said ‘I'll show you a picture/ a picture of tomorrow/ there's nothing changing/ it's all sorrow’/ oh no please don't show me/ I'm a swine, you don't wanna know me”

Time For Heroes: What fascinates me most about this song is that it has no refrain. Most songs live off their refrain, many people know nothing of a song but the refrain. And this song manages to go completely without it and still be stuck in your head. Plus the lyrics are genius: “It’s these ignorant faces that bring this town down/ yeah I sighed and sunken with pride/ you know I passed myself down on my knees” “And we'll die in the class we were born/ but that's a class of our own my love”

The Good Old Days: A classic. I don’t know what to say about it to be honest. It’s about living in the here and now, it’s about the good times in The Libertines. The lyrics are grand, especially the last line I chose has become a kind of motto of both the band and the fans as well. Also make sure to listen to an acoustic version in which Pete adds a little line and try to catch it ;) “But if you've lost your faith in love and music the end won’t be long/ because if it’s gone for you then I too may lose it and that would be wrong/ I tried so hard to keep myself from falling/ back into my bad old ways/ and it chars my heart to always hear you calling/ calling for the good old days/ cos there were no good old days/ these are the good old days” “The Arcadian dream has fallen through/ but the Albion sails on course”

I Get Along: This is Carl’s “Fuck ‘Em” anthem (literally, as this is a line in the song hehe) that is going to entrain you every time you hear it. You’ll want to smash peoples’ faces in a pacifistic way when listening to it. Played live this song is awesome. Also Carl’s voice oozes pure sex, you will melt. “People tell me I'm wrong/ fuck 'em“

This album is surely affected by Pete and Carl’s living situation, struggle to gain money, self-doubt, but most importantly by their shared dreams and them trying to make them come true.

The Libertines

Released 2004

Indie rock, less rough with some very soft songs on it

Again I’ll choose 5 favourites to make it fair:

Can’t Stand Me Now: This is actually really heart-breaking as it is obviously about Pete and Carl and them not getting along very well because of Pete’s drug use. Also one of the songs that make you go “…they are so gay for each other” but more of that later on in this post. “No, you've got it the wrong way round / you shut me up, and blamed it on the brown/ cornered the boy kicked out at the world/ the world kicked back a lot fuckin' harder now” ^ also about this line: I always thought it was “…and blamed it on the brown, cornered the boy, kicked out at the world” like that there should be a comma after “boy” cause I think it would make more sense. The narrator (Pete) is still talking to the person who “shut him up” (Carl), or is he not? When people post this line “cornered the boy kicked out at the world, the world kicked back a lot fucking harder now” it always sounds as if they think the boy kicked at the world while I think that the person the narrator addresses first cornered the boy and afterwards kicked out at the world… Just wanted to get this out of my system at this has been nagging at me for a long time now.

Music When The Lights Go Out: The first softy song on the album and super sad and beautiful. Pete sings it in such an angelic voice. Can’t say much more to it – just listen. (It’s super hard to choose the fave lyrics from this song as it is perfect from head to toe.) “Is it cruel or kind not to speak my mind/ and to lie to you, rather than hurt you?/ well I'll confess all of my sins/ after several large gins/ but still I'll hide from you/ hide what's inside from you.”

The Ha Ha Wall: I have no idea if other fans even like this song? But I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT! The rhythm and little guitar melody make me want to dance, it always cheers me up and gives me energy. Also only the Libs can pull it off to put a kind of Asian sounding middle part into such a song and make it sound super fucking good. “If you get tired of hanging around/ pick up a guitar and spin a web of sound” “It's been a long war and we’re tired and dirty/ still not dirty enough for you”

Campaign Of Hate: Also making me want to dance and feel more energetic instantly. It’s also critical of society so what more do you want? “Now remember why you came/ not to play follow the leader, no no/ poor kids dressing like they're rich (Mods!)/ rich kids dressing like they're poor (oh my god!)/ white kids talking like they're black” “Oh don't believe them when they say/ that you don't get nothing for free/ it's all for free”

What Katie Did: This is the song that made me fall in love with The Libs so obviously it’s super important. When I got diagnosed with depression I joined a forum for people suffering from it to find people who feel the same. There was a thread about music and what music helps you to feel better and a guy posted a video of Pete singing this song live. I really loved it and in the comments I read that in the original version a guy named Carl would be on vocals and so I listened to the original version to compare and what can I say? I fell in love with it as well, listened to more songs and simply fell in love with The Libs. I then read their Wikipedia article and was a bit confused as all of that kind of rang a bell. And then I suddenly remembered that I had read that whole article already as I had discovered them a while back already. I had listened to Don’t Look Back Into The Sun then and hated it… I was stupid when I was younger… “What you gonna do Katie?/ you're a sweet, sweet girl/ but it's a cruel, cruel world/ a cruel, cruel world/ safety pins are none too strong Katie/ they hold my life together”

This album is marked by the problems within the band caused by Pete’s drug use and I bet a whole lot of miscommunication. Sad, even if we got great music out of it.

Anthems For Doomed Youth

Released 2015

Still indie rock but different from the second album again? God what am I even doing here, I don’t know shit

5 favourites:

Gunga Din: This is the first song they released after so many years of nothing and I don’t just love it because of that fact but also because it has a catching rhythm and lyrics that make me go “THAT’S ME!”. And the melody is great too. So. Perfect. “Woke up again to my chagrin/ I’m getting sick and tired of feeling sick and tired again/ I tried to write, because I got the right/ to make it look as if I'm doing something with my life”

You’re My Waterloo: This is a classic, maybe even THE LIBERTINES SONG that they decided to record again. I have to admit I’m not really a fan of that new version, make sure to check out the old version that has been on the internet for ages. It has a kind of rougher, low-quality-honesty going for it whereas the new version is more clean cut and I’m also not really into the piano. I Don’t know, I bet many fans will disagree with me on that one but well, as I said: subjective. “You're my Waterloo/ I'll be your Calvary/ I'm so glad we know just what to do/ and everyone's gonna be happy/ everyone's gonna be happy/ everyone's gonna be happy/ but of course”

Heart Of The Matter: This is THE SONG of the album. Everyone will agree with me on that one. Don’t just listen to this song, watch the music video. It’s going to break your heart but you will be happy about it. I’m so proud of my boys for what they did with this song, it is brutally honest and I’m still super angry that they didn’t get the NME award for best music video in 2016 for it, they deserved it most. (but we were voted best fan base so let’s just have that *grin*) “With all the battering it's taken/ I'm surprised it's still ticking” “So hold a light to my misery/ but don't send it up in flames/ it's only I who takes the blame/ but try me anyway”

Glasgow Coma Scale Blues: This is a really cool track with a rock attitude and meaningful lyrics. Not much else to say. “And I see me, oh you won't even see me/ yeah I see you, in fact I'm looking straight through you” “The only thing that kept us apart/ was your cold unloving heart” “What happened to the joy in the hearts of the boys/ at the start of the part of the scene?/ they were part of the seams/ a dream shared and pulled apart/ one dream broken by two Libertines”

Dead For Love: This song is really artsy if you allow me this word. It’s got a mystic and echoing background sound and dark lyrics as well as a poem that gets recited at the end. I still haven’t worked out how it goes though, I’m not a native speaker and it’s not very clear. Anyway it’s super beautiful. “And everything he ever did/ he only ever did for love/ everything he ever said/ he only ever said for love/ and now, now he lies dead/ he's dead for love/ his mind's at ease, he sleeps in peace” “A guy like this needs to be sure/ no one was there when the devil rode out before”

All in all this album reprocesses the split up of the band many years ago. It’s a strong subject in many of the songs and you can see that there still isn’t everything said yet. Well, they’ll work this out, I’m sure.

Now there are other songs you must know that aren’t on the albums but just on b-sides or that just got published on the internet. These include:

Albion: Later recorded in the studio and published on an album of Pete’s band Babyshambles this song got famous through the Babyshambles Sessions that I’ll add underneath these few songs. “Talk over/ gin in teacups/ and leaves on the lawn/ violence in bus stops/ and the pale thin girl with eyes forlorn” “I'll be waiting in the photo booth/ at the underground station/ so come away, won't you come away/ we could go to/ Deptford, Catford, Watford, Digberth, Mansfield/ anywhere in Albion”

What A Waster: “There's tears coming out from everywhere/ the city's hard, the city's fair” “When she wakes up in the morning/ she writes down all her dreams” “Meanwhile from under the covers she says/ save me from tomorrow, save me from tomorrow”

The Delaney: “On the bus the other day/ you could tell right from the start/ there's magic in all that you play/ but oh, can you play guitar boy/ can you play guitar?” “Some people run from trouble, some people meet it half way/ others are glad to pay their cab fare over/ and superficially you enjoy the company that you loathe to bear”

Don’t Look Back Into The Sun: Ho boy, Carl really knows what to do with his guitar (and I don’t mean putting his cigarette between the strings when he has to play instead of smoke when onstage), these little melodies he always thinks of are so amazing, I could cry. “Oh, my friend you haven't changed/ you're looking rough and living strange/ and I know you got a taste for it too” “Don't look back into the sun/ you've cast your plans but you're on the run/ and all the lies you said, who did you save?/ but when they played that song at the Death Disco/ it started fast but it ends so slow/ and all the time it reminded me of you”

Cyclops: I love the feeling of this song as well as the lyrics and I especially love how Pete and Carl sing the last line together (awwww). “What you try to do to me?/ it seems to come so naturally/ how you annoy me/ how you destroy me” “Wow, money's the church/ fame is the steeple/ everyone on the telly indoctrinate the people” “What you tryna do to me?/ what you tryna do to me?/ you make me happy”

Bucket Shop: “Well someone said you were an angel/ only what kind of angel/ would whisper 'hello'/ and shout 'goodbye'”

General Smuts: “Well life is short/ we spend all our time/ just fucking and fighting my friend/ well a soul can't be bought” “Well I've been stuck in a hole/ and it's dark down here/ every time I've thought I've seen the light/ well it just fades and disappears”

Skint And Minted: “No one got it right, no one got it wrong/ live outside your head, live inside a song/ oh love those long lost weekdays spilling over me/ and your outlines are all I can see”

Hooray For The 21st Century: “Every sweet little lie ever whispered to you now rings true/ no need to wake the sleeping dogs when they'll just turn on you/ I'll make my way instead to the foots of your ivory tower/ but no love do I find there amongst the leaves and the dying flowers” “What became of the working class/ Nike, Reebok, Adidas/ scratch cards, pittbulls, ecstasy/ hooray for the 21st Century”

Seven Deadly Sins : There are again two versions, the new recorded one is as a bonus on the third album, I like both versions, you should try out both. “Pride, lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath and envy/ its all in a hard days work for me” “Hand me my gun/ my friend we'll have some fun/ shoot down the spies in the trees/ and kick up the leaves/ in the morning breeze/ pay no mind”

Babyshambles sessions: 1 2 3

So then let’s get to the members! I’m not going to list their biographies here, you can easily google that yourself if you’re interested. So I’ll describe their personalities a bit and show you pics, cause that is more fun anyway.

Carl Barât:

1) Carl is smol and tiny.

2) Carl is a meme. I mean it. He is a total dork, cute, funny, awkward and most importantly super embarrassing. He makes me cringe regularly and you will feel the same.

3) I mean it kind of belongs to “Carl is embarrassing” but I think it deserves its own section: Carl is a bad bad Twitter whore.

4) Carl is super damn hot. Like ho boy I can’t breathe because of his beauty sometimes.

5) Carl is emo…

Sorry for not being more serious but you can’t always be. Carl has had a history with depression and nagging thoughts. There are also rumours he self harmed when younger. A fan said she talked with him about it and that he used to hide the scars with the bandanas he wears but that he actually wears them nowadays because he likes the look. I don’t want to sell it as a fact though as I never heard him admit this himself.

6) Carl only eats bananas.

7) Carl has tiny nipples.

I’m afraid this’ll look as if I don’t cherish Carl much but the opposite is the truth. I love this fella so much and I would die to meet him one day, even more than I would to meet Pete. I think we’d have more in common and I’d love to give him a big hug. Also I want to marry him. Fuck Edie and Pete. He’s mine.

Pete Doherty: 1) Pete manages to be super tall and super smol at the same time.

2) Pete is also embarrassing sometimes.

3) Pete is extra™.

4) Pete is beautiful.

5) Pete likes to walk around with his fly open.

Gary Powell: 1) Gary is an uncomplicated and good natured soul.

2) Gary is a bit crazy. The good kind.

John Hassall: 1) John rarely smiles.

2) But when he does ho boy.

3) If you hadn’t realised: he is beautiful.

4) John is done with Pete’s and Carl’s shit.

Which brings us to what you all waited for. I thought about naming this section “Conspiracy Theories” but it hardly is one, it is more like an official secret: Pete’s and Carl’s relationship:

Like in fandoms for TV shows, in this fandom (gay) shipping is really common. You just HAVE to believe in the (totally sexual!) romance between Pete and Carl. They always talk(ed) about there being a romance, a love between them themselves, here a few examples:

“I know of people who’ll love me when I’m dead, they won’t call me those things then. It won’t matter, they’ll say ‘he was unhappy and he’s better off’. They’ll say ‘I knew him and I spent time with him’. They’re lying. There’s only one man who knows me, who spent time with me, and he doesn’t now. One man I love in this world. One man I respect. He cripples me now.” - Peter speaking about Carl, Babyshambles.com, 2004

“I do love Peter so dearly. The thing about Peter, is that, ever since I first met him, he had this innate ability to just charm someone…Like to me he’d say: ‘I love you, you’re working class, but with a violent heart and a poetic temperament’. And I’d go, ‘wow, yeah, you really know me!’…But just that ability to sort of surmise people…and he’d do that…But um, where was I going with this? ….Just he’ll think of the tiny details that only a poet thinks of. He used to phone me up when he was miserable, when we were having one of our dramas. ‘Whatever. Ok, Pete, it’s fine. Where are you?’ And he’d go ‘In the rain!’ So endearing and so beautiful…The thing about Peter and I is that we’re both very old, very kindred souls. And for whatever we talk about, that’s kind of circumstantial. It’s like anything can happen. We could do anything. Individually, together, apart, to each other. But a conversation after six months, it’s the same thing. It’s euphoric…it’s…you know. I love Peter and …I think Peter loves me. A lot of times we don’t like each other, but the underlying thing is that love.” – Carl Barat, There Are No Innocent Bystanders

“Boys like physical contact. If you enjoy physical companionship, romance, something tender, you just want it to be true. That’s Libertine-ism: no barriers, no borders, no fakers, no forgers. Pleasure is pleasure.” – Peter Doherty, Attitude Magazine, 2002

“My heart melts that…[you] ask me about soulmates. Because you’re right, you know. It’s a beautiful thing that we should all believe in…Yeah, I missed my friend so much. I still don’t think we spend enough time together. And he’s my soulmate and I love him and that’s the truth…Something so pure and beautiful and true…They’re going to say a soulmate is a myth…[but] when they experience a soulmate then that’s what destroys the myth.” – Peter Doherty on Carl Barat, Vice Magazine 2015

“His story with Carl was not finished of course. Pete: Ah, it is not…but it will never end. Everyone has someone in their life whom they love, but in some way or another, the relationship was abandoned by one of them, or by both of them. You become strangers and you realize that the person you love most in the world, you do not know them anymore. Carl: We never separated…we separated, then we flirted a bit, and in 2010 we got back together, but we did not realize it. We were very uncertain about each other’s feelings. We only communicated through the press, granting interviews knowing that the other person would read them. I knew that I had to go see Peter, the friend that I love and that I missed, to know if this friend, and this friendship, still existed. It was terrifying, but I have been able to see things as they were, in all their beauty. My dear old friend, and my brother, with whom I grew up with in such an intense way. Pete: I feel even closer to him than I did before…there is no one else who I connect with at this level. (With) Carl, I know that there are things that no one else can give. It’s strange, but he really knows me. I forgot that there was someone else on this planet who could understand me in this way, it is mysterious, but it is comforting and beautiful, and I’d never really realized it before. Peter gives us a book to give Carl, writing a dedication on the page. It is “The Last Englishman”, the autobiography of AD Wintle. Carl: On my part, there is nothing to forgive I think. I love him so much, he is like a brother, these are unconditional feelings. Carl takes his mug into the adjacent album store, where with a stroke of luck, he immediately lands on an ideal gift to give back to Peter. It is the soundtrack to “Is Paris Burning?”, which Carl duly dedicates. “Perfect!” he says.” – Peter and Carl’s separate interviews in Rock and Folk, October 2014.

“Do you want Peter to come back, to be honest? Carl: I do, of course I do (bursts into tears). Peter is the only person who I could trust for so long. I cannot express my feelings by words like ‘lonely’ or ‘left behind’. It’s like something was suddenly scooped out from the inside of me….To tell you the truth, I have a twin brother who died when I was a child. And Peter would say to me, 'Even if no one stays with you in the future, I will never leave you, because I am the reincarnation of your lost twin brother.’ I still believe what he said then. And I believe that he will come back to me, no matter how long it will take.” – Carl Barat, Rockin'on, September 2004

“I’m scared to share a microphone with him now because people say it’s a gimmick. Sometimes I do rush over [to the mic], but that’s only because after you have had a few drinks and smoked a certain amount you get that really nice smell on your breath. You know, like when your lover has got that winey, smoky taste. Not that Carl’s my lover…I’d rather toss off a frog.” – Peter Doherty, Time Out Magazine, August 2015

(source)

“For me and Pete, it wasn’t too different from falling in love.” - Carl for The Mail on Sunday, 2008

“There have been moments in our relationship where physicality has ensued. I’ll leave it there. I wouldn’t like to say.” - Carl for Attitude Magazine, 2011

(source)

They always denied that their relationship was sexual or even romantic in a coupl-y sense though…Anyway, probably good to know (or not, I don’t know) is that the ship name is Pearl.

Another indicator for their relationship is the lyrics in their songs. You can make up a lot of course and take some of the lines for what they are not BUT there are some lyrics that are evidentially about each other. The best example is You’re My Waterloo:

“So just say you love me/ for three good reasons”

and

“And you're the only lover I had/ who ever slept with a knife”

are the most obvious lines here. Sung by Peter, this song is definitely about Carl as stated by Carl himself:

“Carl: I actually used to sleep with a knife [in reference to the lyrics: “You’re the only lover I’ve had / Who slept with a knife”] Peter: Yeah, what’s strange is that he actually used to sleep with a knife.” – Les In Rocks, September 2015

The word “lover” and the official music video let it appear as a love song even if especially Carl says it is about friendship. (You directed this video yourself you weirdo! You didn’t have to include a kiss scene if it is just friendship???)

Another song that is sung by both of them at each other, even if it is about the problems in their relationship and them being mad at each other, is Can’t Stand Me Now:

“I know you lie, I know you lie/I'm still in love with you”

I could literally quote the entire song for you to understand their problematic relationship (a save place for this is always genius.com, there you have the lyrics explained very well) but this one line is enough to focus on the romantic aspect. “Being in love” usually means to have a romantic interest in someone else, not platonic.

I’m pretty lazy with looking for other song references now as this post is taking me ages as it is already, here have another two posts on that topic, about songs they wrote about each other both before and after the band broke up, provided by the lovely @missoneminute (who is one of two Tumblr Libertines blogs I can highly recommend. That sounds as if all the others were crap, which they aren’t, but if you are looking for long-term fans with profound knowledge on the fandom, who post regularly, @missoneminute and @albion-sails-on-course are THE two blogs for you).

Here you have some videos to watch that show how absolutely gay those two appear around one another. It’s one thing for them to deny any sexual relationship between them, but they can’t tell us they look ‘no homo’ on stage.

NME Awards with Pete and Carl reciting a poem together Don’t Look Back Into The Sun Glastonbury 2015 (especially 4:20 is super gay) You’re My Waterloo at Ally Pally Buffalo at 6:20 Backstage NME Awards Chas’n’Dave The Bismarck Joke Vertigo Glastonbury (1:18) I Need My Biggles Sadie Frost Gig at their home (Guerilla gigs) Pete and Carl 2001-2002 Pete and Carl 2003-2005 Pete and Carl 2014 Dry Humping Gobble Gobble Gobble

@missoneminute ‘s friend made body analysis posts for her for certain Pete and Carl moments, they are super interesting and gay and you can find them all here.

And these are some stories/excerpts from interviews that sound pretty gay/they-have-feelings-for-each-other-y:

The tea story - Carl having a jealous fit and interrupting Peter’s make out session with his girlfriend by angrily making tea and cursing.

The door slam - When Carl turned up to see Peter after ages apart and drunkenly brought Anthony with him so Peter slammed the door in their faces in a jealous rage.

The top to tail - When they shared a single mattress and one morning Peter claims Carl woke with Peter’s “massive boner in his face” and “couldn’t stop talking about it”.

The vertical smile - Peter rather graphically describing staring at Carl’s bare ass while they were both shagging girls in a loo: “An encounter where he and fellow band member Carl Barat had sex with two fans in a disabled toilet after a gig on their 2003 Scandinavian tour was typical. “We met a right old punk who took me and Carl under his wings and took us to the sleaziest club, a proper rock ‘n’ roll dive with all these garage kids,” said Doherty. “I remember fucking this girl in the toilets, on the floor, proper sort of sliding about the tiles and Carl came in with another girl, as cool as you like and bent her over the toilet. “Yeah, he had a smile on his face. And a vertical smile on his bum.”

The threesome - Peter’s ex Katie Lewis aka the Katie of What Katie Did describing a threesome she had with Peter and Carl after a wasted night out. She’s low on detail but CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE. Like seriously.

The naked cycle - That time Peter cycled naked back to the tour bus through the streets to try and get to a girl before Carl hooked up with her but failed to make it in time and was forced to watch them snog for hours instead. Also he had no clothes because the girl he had been with had locked him naked in a bathroom: Tandem-girl story from Kids in the riot: It was just girls, girls, girls. In Munich, I went off on a tandem with this girl, back to her place. She insisted on playing Suede. So it’s afterwards and I want to go back to the venue because there’s this other girl and I wanna get to her before Carl does, but the tandem-girl locks me in the bathroom so I think, ‘Disaster,’ and actually end up booting the door through and she was screaming, screaming, screaming and she was naked as well. She’s had my clothes away, and I’ve had to jump back on her bike and race through the streets of Munich with just a hat on, back to the bus. And at the end of the night we had to leave Munich because we couldn’t stay and Carl was just snogging this girl endlessly and I’m stood there like fucking Hancock, when Sid James has pulled and he hasn’t. That was the girl that I’d cycled back for.”

Arcadia and back - When Carl took Peter to his mother’s house and showed him the “wild woods” and “took him to Arcadia and back”.

(source)

Have you noticed changes in each other? Pete: ‘I never really used to take much notice before, but now we’re being asked to analyse the changes and the differences, just to placate the naysayers. I’m scared to share a microphone with him now because people say it’s a gimmick. Sometimes I do rush over [to the mic], but that’s only because after you’ve had a few drinks and smoked a certain amount you get that really nice smell on your breath. You know, like when your lover has got that winey, smoky taste. Not that Carl’s my lover… I’d rather toss off a frog.’ Carl: ‘That’s why he moved to France.’ Speaking of the two of you as lovers, have you read any Libertines fan fiction? Pete: ‘Don’t mention that! He gets really annoyed.’ Carl: ‘I wouldn’t even know where to look for it.’ Pete: ‘He’s lying. Someone pointed us in the direction of it. It’s fucking weird, man, isn’t it? A lot of effort has gone into it. There’ll be a poetic stream of consciousness and then suddenly, BANG! My cock will appear in Carl’s ear. I think it must be written by someone close to us, because apart from the actual sex side of things, which obviously isn’t true, some of it’s quite close to life.’ What advice would you give to a young band just starting out? Pete: ‘You should start that question “Is there any advice…”’ Is there any advice…? Pete: ‘No.’ Carl: ‘Nothing apart from “Keep the faith!” It’s the hardest thing in the world, and the easiest.’ Pete: ‘Just don’t listen to the naysayers who say that it’s a crap idea to put on this certain event at this certain place. Just do it. Play the really dodgy pub at the end of the street. You could meet a songwriting partner. You could get a blowjob. I don’t know.’ Carl: ‘You could get both, if you read the fan fiction.’

(source)

Now excuse me for adding so many gifs to underline the gayness that you will never see the end of this post:

So then let’s get to The Libertines as a whole again. These are some clips concerning the whole band that you have to see: The Libertines In The Van encore shenanigans Music moment of the year very young Libertines