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marinavarshavskaia · 2 months

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the art of being relatable

i tend to wonder why i can’t relate to anyone. it’s just a weird thing to experience - not being able to relate to anyone around me.

i just don’t feel it. maybe i’m able to feel it, but i can’t envision this feeling in my head. when someone tells me “omg, i had the same exact experience, i understand u completely”, am i supposed to feel better? how am i supposed to feel better, by the way? and people don’t usually provide you with a thoughtful perspective, they just tell u how much they understand u. it don’t mean shit.

because LITERALLY everyone experiences everything. there’s not a single thing on this planet that hasn’t been experienced and thought about. so when people say, for example, “damn, this song is so relatable”, does it make them feel good? like, NO SHIT, you had the same experience as the singer you like. what a fucking shock.

and people tend to make this whole relatability shit sound so important. cause what if there’s more to life than that? maybe you can try to understand somebody you can’t truly relate to. maybe one experience can actually be influenced by tons and tons and tons of other experiences. so your experience is literally never the same is mine. even the intensity of your response can never be compared to mine, no matter how big or small the experience is.

so is the human experience truly unique or is it universal? it’s a question with no answer. cause we all have different perspectives and views. and even your perspective on my perspective is unique. and my perspective on your perspective on my perspective is unique. it’s a never-ending dilemma.

#psychology #personality types #everyday thoughts #infp thoughts #relatable #content #or maybe not relatable #who knows #infp #psychic

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marinavarshavskaia · 2 months

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it’s the way we create things that we can’t control.

and the more i create, the more i get confused. i lose control over what i make and there’s almost nothing i can do to change that. the thing i create is an unbelievable force that cannot be handled by anyone. not even by me. it’s similar to a forest fire, and it’s rarely merciful and forgiving.

and i loathe the sense of self within everything i let the world see. ain’t it supposed to be something that is hidden forever? ain’t it supposed to be sacred and untouched? nothing pure comes out of nothingness. nothing believable comes out of insincerity. and even though my sincerity is not beneficial, it’s a form of sacrifice. the more you sacrifice, the more life makes you think, and the more you think, the better you become.

i create the thing i can’t control and i can’t just accept this thought as it is. i need to process it in the most flamboyant way possible. it’s like giving birth to a child with its own personality and unique traits. i either adapt to it or let it be. and i don’t know what’s scarier.

nothing is casual for me. nothing is simple and down-to-earth. i barely touch grass when i write, i’m never present, i’m above the ground. i’m untouched by shit i can actually control and obsess over stuff i’ll probably never be able to have control over. and i know that it’s more than universal. if it wasn’t, people wouldn’t be all that anxious and depressed.

deny the real until the reality becomes too scary to deal with. that’s how some people operate. i crave control more than anything, but i pinch myself all the time and put my feet on the ground just to see that what i crave is unreachable. cause the control i think i have is only in my imagination.

i might stay grounded or stay above the ground. either way, the exterior world has its own plans, i guess. there’s not much i can do.

#psychology #infp thoughts #psychological #typology #personality types #types #infp personality #control #my thoughts

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marinavarshavskaia · 2 months

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isn’t it the greatest gift to give? your honesty.

i’m about to be honest, i’m incredibly lost as an individual. i guess it’s a very universal feeling that cannot be fixed by shit when your brain is scattered.

it’s even more difficult to deal with when you’re surrounded by people who SEEM to have their shit together. cause if you lie to yourself then maybe the lie can all of a sudden become the truth. “fake it till you make it” or some shit.

so i see the issue i have. i even have some sort of steps to follow in order to solve the problem, but the beginning is the hardest. fear is not your friend, but it’s also not the enemy of yours. it’s somewhere in the middle, because your fear’s motive is to save you from something potentially horrible. it’s a defence mechanism you learn to accept and adapt to. so the fact that you have fear means that you’re basically alive and hypothetically safe for now.

what tries to save us inside of our brain is lowkey not aware that you have some sort of dreams and aspirations. your brain tells you: “stay in your comfort zone because the world is a SPOOKY and OOoooOoOooO SCARY ASS PLACE!!!”. how can you truly punish yourself for staying in one place when it’s somewhat true? the world IS a scary place, and if you’re not some sort of sociopath, then well…. i guess you ought to become one in order to survive.

i’m lost because i’m scared to move. i feel paralysed. and the worst part is that my brain lies to me, telling me that it’s for the greater good. it tries to convince me that i’m safe as long as i don’t move. if the predator wants to eat my goofy ass, I GUESS I’M FUCKING INVISIBLE IF I’M AN UNMOVABLE OBJECT. anyway, our instincts have a very weird logic sometimes. i don’t understand them stupid ass rodents who stop moving in front of something dangerous. my guinea pig does it constantly when i come over to sit with her and pet her.

i don’t wanna be a guinea pig anymore, lowkey. i wanna be brave like a motherfucking lion with 89 teeth and 97 claws on each paw. that’s my dream i want to accomplish.

#infp #personality types #psychology #actually autistic #autism #fear #psychological #infp problems #infp life #infp thoughts #infp personality #mbti infp #typology

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marinavarshavskaia · 2 months

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the face of someone who’s just dropped out of college

do i look sad enough????🔥🥰🔥🥰🔥🥰🔥

#college #dropout #damn i dropped like a single #no more fucking college #college sucks #college dropout

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marinavarshavskaia · 2 months

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anger can ricochet

you ain’t lucky enough to be on my side

but you still make me feel like i have to hide

don’t you know, don’t you see? i was born to shine

whenever i cross or don’t cross the line

whenever i’m vulnerable or in control

whenever i run or withstand the fall

cause how can you own me when i’m on my own?

what to lean upon? you have no backbone

you act like a teacher i’ve never liked

you act like you’re rude only out of spite

and you’d rather die than keep your own word

until i’m no longer upset and concerned

until i’m no longer resentful and hurt

have you heard? ain’t the second and ain’t the third

if i’m not number one then i’m probably gone

if it’s done, then it’s done, you won’t get what you want

have you heard? i can still reconstruct your fate

it’s not gonna feel nice, it’s not gonna look great

a mistake you regret, but the one that you’ve made

ain’t it funny how anger can ricochet?

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marinavarshavskaia · 2 months

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The song “we can’t be friends” by Ariana Grande is so painful that you basically can’t listen to this song.

I had a post about “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve” by Taylor Swift, a song where the narrator can’t let go and destroy the demons of the past. Honestly, i’ve been fully convinced that this song is the most heartbreaking song i’ve ever listened to. Until now.

“we can’t be friends” is mostly focused on the now. Ariana tries to cut her feelings off clean and erase her significant other from her memory. The line “we can’t be friends” says it all. It’s a very laconic way of saying “i never wanna see you again and i don’t wanna know you, i wanna pretend like you don’t exist”. She doesn’t want to stay hopeful and she doesn’t wanna be delulu, cause THE DELULU AIN’T THE SOLULU.

I’ve learned that if you’re so determined to forget something completely, the pain is too strong to deal with. Sometimes your brain forces you to forget a traumatic experience, but sometimes you have to make the first move and make your brain fully erase something for the greater good. The more invested you are, the more painful it is to let go. That’s way some people find it so difficult to commit. It’s such a universal thing - not being able to understand how to deal with your emotions during a horrible period of time in a way that’s not gonna make you grieve even more. And when you cut something off completely, you don’t even have to figure stuff out. Everything is normal when literally none of your problems are in front of you.

I can’t feel feelings when i’m emotional. There’s a difference between experiencing feelings and processing them in a healthy way and being insanely emotional to the point where you don’t even know why you emote at all. That’s why people wanna run away and not step back and try to cool down. Letting go is the hardest thing a human being can experience, but it’s also nice to know that we’re all in the same boat. We all know that it’s inevitable in life, we all know that there’s no point in being delusional about it. So you face it like a champ and move on.

#arianator #ariana grande #we cant be friends #eternal sunshine #arianagrande #ag7 #dailygrande #yes and

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marinavarshavskaia · 2 months

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My depression has nothing to do with me being a queer person in Russia. Or so it seems.

I’m not a particularly political person, but the only thing i value the most in my life is freedom. I’ve always viewed myself as an extremely free person for the country i live in: i say what i want, i sleep with who i want, i do what i want when i want. but it’s only because i’m basically invisible to everyone around me. sometimes i feel like a ghost, like a bird who’s flying in the sky, looking from above and not being surrounded by anyone.

it’s great, honestly. it’s probably due to my autism. so i appreciate my solitude and i also feel extreme pain when i look at my queer peers who are more social than i am. i see them being abused, tortured, humiliated and destroyed mentally. they have dreams and they have aspirations, but none of them are welcomed by the society. they feel helpless, hopeless and mostly hated.

do i feel hopeless? more than ever. i’m not gonna like, i feel like i’m slowly spiralling. i wanna help, i wanna make a change, but you don’t know how dangerous it is to try to do anything in Russia.

Russia is the father i’ve never had, because my father accepts me and loves me. i don’t want it to sound like a flex, because i know that it’s not everyone’s experience. i’m infinitely thankful to have liberal parents, but to see them crumble and fall into depression makes me even more sad. they also want to escape but they feel trapped.

this country will never grow, it will never flourish and it’s gonna eat itself up at some point. it’s gonna be eaten alive like the earth will be eaten by sun one day. all i do is observe quietly, because sometimes it’s better to stay quiet. it’s me being a coward, it’s me being small and probably selfish. and my selfishness is a sin i can’t deal with. at least i might try one day.

#lgbt community #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtq community #lesbian #queer community #queer #queer artist #gay

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marinavarshavskaia · 2 months

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i’ve been sitting on my ass cheeks all day what should i do

#infp problems #i’m an unmovable object lowkey #no pussy popping just sadness

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marinavarshavskaia · 2 months

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i’ve been thinking about “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve” for months now.

I’m 100% convinced that it’s the best song written by Taylor Swift. No one can convince me over-wise. I’m a huge swiftie, and i love all of her songs, but this one is so heavy that i can’t get this song out of my head. Maybe it all comes to my personal traumas and shit, maybe it has something to do with her IMMACULATE writing, or maybe it’s both. But i’ve seen a lot of videos on youtube about this song, and i have some thoughts to share. I want to tell you why, in my opinion, “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve” is one of the greatest songs ever written

First of all, it grabs your attention almost immediately. The synths are dark and very subtle, the atmosphere of the track is clear from the start. To be completely honest, i would never in a million years guess that the song’s topic is going to be so morbid and almost too dark for the listener to comprehend.

You might be confused right now, but let me explain why is it so dark. What separates us from animals is the fact that we were gifted with thought and memory. It can be considered a blessing, but it’s also out biggest curse. We wouldn’t be scattered and broken inside if we didn’t have our memories. A very deep rooted, heart-wrenching trauma is like a leech that drinks your blood slowly but surely the more you live and grow, because what your brain does is very cruel: it makes u forget on the surface. You feel like everything is fine, you feel like u moved on, but your unconscious didn’t. It’s like a brain tumour with no symptoms until the visibility of symptoms doesn’t matter because you’re dying.

Your trauma influences everything: your decisions, your personality, your emotions, your thoughts, your tears when you least expect it, your hysterical laugh when it’s unnecessary. This small leech inside of you can also influence the lives of other people, and you never know how badly it can influence someone.

I went off track a little bit, but i guess it’s important for me to mention all of it. So the song “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve” is a brilliant song that explains trauma in the most eloquent, straightforward and heartbreaking way. I guess that after all of the re-recordings Taylor, to her own surprised, realised that there’s a very horrible and significant trauma deep inside of her that she has ignored for years due to its heaviness. You might ask me: “why is this one unique and significant?”. It’s significant and unique because of the way she wrote this song, and this song is not like the others.

“If clarity’s in death then why won’t this die?” is one of the questions she asks on this song. And internally she asks A LOT of questions on this song. People tend to ask questions when they are confused or bothered, obviously. And she’s not only bothered and confused on this track, she’s also shaking her inner child with an insane force. She’s in so much pain and confusion that she starts looking at her younger self with a little bit of judgement. She’s not only regretting someone, she’s regretting the fact that she’s been hiding from this very trauma for a decade. Maybe back then she thought that it wasn’t important to deal with it, and now she’s realizing that she’s wrong. And she blames herself, which is unfair, of course. She shouldn’t, she was small and vulnerable. She was a baby at 19, and we are all babies at 19. That’s when we get all of our bruises and wounds that don’t heal. When you have a scar, you can sort of forget about it, cause it doesn’t bother you all that much. The wound bothers you even if it’s small.

She craves purity because her soul is tainted by this experience. That’s why the God imagery is so strong in this song. We can hear the similar sentiment on the song “Clean”, where Taylor is not tainted by the relationship anymore, her mind is clean. She’s free.

Sometimes small things are actually big, sometimes insignificant things don’t matter until they matter so much that you explode. This song is Taylor’s explosion. That’s why it’s so intense and undeniably emotional. She sounds so sincere and vulnerable on this track that it feels like you’re hearing way too much, you feel like you’re almost invading her privacy way too much.

I admire this track with all my heart, because i can relate to it severely. Maybe that’s why i’m so passionate about it. I understand her. And i hope that she’ll find peace. Or maybe she’s already found it, we’ll never know.

#taylor swift #would’ve could’ve should’ve #midnights #swifties #swift nation #i’m shooketh #so many words #swifty

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marinavarshavskaia · 2 months

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Tyler Joseph is a genius

I’ve been studying psychology and personality types for a while now (maybe 5 or 6 years), and his personality is insanely interesting to study and observe.

He has always been sort of like a mystery to me. I tried to type him, i tried to study his interviews, but nothing really seems to connect in my head. He really reminds me of my sister, who is just a few years younger than him. They’re both quite emotional and they have this hidden anger within them, but they really try to hide their emotions behind this metallic ass bombastic ass “no one can break” ass shell. They’re also both quite aloof?? I guess. I used to think it was a bad thing, now i think that it’s not really a crime for someone to be aloof if u just treat it like a personality trait. As u grow and evolve, you actually learn that we all have shitty personality traits that, if not toxic, can be accepted. Not by everyone, i guess, but by some.

It also seems to me like Tyler has a VERY strong tendency to daydream constantly. I noticed that people that are very aloof tend to be like that, cause they are not 100% connected to reality. When u daydream all the time, people turn into shadows that just float around u, and it becomes very hard to connect with them and view them as real human beings. So i don’t think that he wants to be mean towards others, he’s just really not present enough.

His imagination can influence his personal life badly, but it also helps him with his art, which is fantastic, honestly. Sometimes u should sacrifice some aspects of your life to become the greatest. Maybe it’s naive of me to think so, maybe it’s the truth, i honestly don’t knowowowoowowowwow😭

But what makes him stand out is his strong sense of identity. His identity is so present that u can literally see him in a gigantic crowd within a few seconds, and it has nothing to do with his appearance. Sometimes someone’s energy is so strong that they just can’t help it, they’re always separated by it from other people. I also feel like even though he wants to be seen as someone who’s “cold” or “tough”, his warmth is extremely visible to literally everyone. He is a lot more feminine than masculine, and it seems to be one of his insecurities. It’s hard for him to accept his soft spot, his warmth and his feminine side, which is a lot bigger than his masculine side. Maybe it’s just my opinion, idk.

He looks inward a lot. He looks inward so much that we basically almost never hear about his exterior world in his songs and in his interviews. People connect to him because of it. The more insincere u are, the more u try to write songs like you’re part of some sort of morally superior movement, and your identity is literally non-existent. What’s unique about Tyler Joseph is the fact that he didn’t start as a musician with some sort of idea of a group he could be a leader of, he only wrote about his own experiences and thoughts, looking inward. His identity came first, other people’s struggles second. It’s how it’s supposed to be, honestly. People cannot relate to u if u don’t understand who the hell you are as a person. And it’s not even selfish to put yourself first in that regard, that’s absolutely ok.

I think that Tyler is one of the greatest artists out there. I love him and his loyal fan base. He deserves his success, his influence on people’s lives is undeniable, and his music literally saved my life at one point.

Thanks for putting up with my insane rant🥺❤️

#tyler joseph #top #twenty one pilots #twenty øne piløts #josh dun #trench #blurryface #scaled and icy #overcompensate #clancy #my favourite baby musician

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marinavarshavskaia · 2 months

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damn i love Brad Taste In Music

i feel like his community is the only community on the internet that can be considered truly safe and welcoming. his fans are the best, his sense of humour is insane and i love it, and i truly appreciate all of his takes even if i disagree with his goofy ass.

for example, i completely disagreed with his twenty one pilots hatred and disgust with their lyrics, but i still love the fact that he has no filter and just says what’s on his mind. the only reason why i got angry with his takes was because i knew it would influence my own experience with this band. but that’s okay? honestly. it’s just difficult to separate your own opinion from someone else’s. i don’t know how to explain it, but when you’re like “DAMN THIS BAND IS INSANE AND I ADORE THEIR WHOLE DISCOGRAPHY” and someone else is like “DAMN THAT’S LIKE THE WORST SHIT EVER😃😃😃”, you kinda wanna die inside, cause u don’t understand. then you grow and your personality changes. you become more chill, i guess.

but anyway! Brad is one of the best music critics out there. not because he’s the most musically trained guy, but because he’s extremely human and intuitive. and the fact that his community is so amazing just proves it one more time. ily🥰

#I LOST MY WAY AGAAAAAAIN #my favourite baby youtuber #smiley ball #btim #🍫⭐️🐟#Brad Taste In Music

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marinavarshavskaia · 5 months

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betrayal

i don’t say what i wanna say

and if i said it, it would be useless

and i got used to being upset

but i like to use it, it’s normalised usage

and i hate the fact that i pick and choose

which calls i answer and never answer

i know these people, so there’s no use

in being considerate just to impress them

i wanna live separately from their thoughts

i want to be childish and build my own castle

don’t want to be found even if i’m lost

alone at sea and i’m hugging my vessel

you love what you want and you hate what you need

it’s really annoying, it’s really upsetting

that i don’t need clarity, not one bit,

to see that you hate the attention you’re getting

but people need people, that’s what people say

so take a chill pill and communicate freely

betrayal’s inevitable anyway

so try to be softer and more forgiving

and maybe someone will forgive you too

and maybe you’ll feel a little bit better

don’t cut the flowers before they bloom

you can’t forbid seasons from changing the weather

#poets on poetry #poem #poems #poetry #literature #dead poets society #sad poetry #original poem

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marinavarshavskaia · 1 year

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Melanie Martinez is not gonna save you because her art is dangerous and malicious.

and y’all are fucking delusional.

some of her fans are like: “wow, she’s a lyrical genius she connected all of her albums so well oh my god queen slay uwu”

but if we’re talking about all of this stuff being truly “connected”, then if you look at the concept as a whole, it means that there’s childhood, there’s school, and after school comes DEATH. LITERAL DEATH. SO WE ALL DIE AFTER SCHOOL.

and not only we die after school, the death itself is almost glamorized

on «Portals». she’s talking about it being “a release” and “a cleansing experience”, so if we look at the lyrics we can actually see that she not only glamorizes trauma (if we’re talking about Cry Baby/K-12), but also tells her fans that death is better than life in a lot of ways on this f-ing record. just to prove us all one more time that life is a trashy, traumatizing experience, and the only way to go is to die. it can actually be extremely dangerous, because her young, impressionable fans might not realize it immediately, but that’s how cult leaders influence people subliminally. they don’t tell you directly what to do, they just use their influence to shape other people’s perception. it’s not just toxicity, it’s a literal THREAT to YOUNG PEOPLE. especially considering the fact that most of her fans are traumatized kids with real life problems. she basically destroys all of the things that Tyler Joseph has worked for, because his goal was to change the general perspective, to show kids that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and they can actually survive. he has never glamorized death.

wow. just wow. thank you, killany fantinez, for curing people’s depression and healing their wounds. yikes.

#melanie martinez #k 12 #portals #Melanie Martinez fans #cry baby #stop dick riding #y’all are literal kids with no braincells #k-12 movie #k-12

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marinavarshavskaia · 2 years

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«lasciare che sia qualcun altro»

Я бы хотела сказать,

что скучаю.

Я правда скучаю

по жажде касаний.

Я пью острый чай

и смотрю на закат.

Я увидела ад,

Но я знаю, где рай, и

скажу лишь одно:

благородности Бог

нас накажет за то,

что его обокрали.

Я зиму люблю,

но я если б могла,

то легко б увезла нас

В далёкие дали:

Мы вместе бы пили,

гуляли вдвоём

по цветущей Флоренции,

тихому Бари.

Мы смотрели бы вместе

немое кино,

мы бы снова делились

друг с другом словами,

а вечером поздним

мы б пили вино

под нечёткой луной,

закусив небесами.

#стихи

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marinavarshavskaia · 2 years

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«Я застыла»

Ты помнишь,

как мы шли мимо домов?

Там фонари светили робко,

нам было некуда идти.

Стояли гордо,

а крыши столь простую жизнь

скрывали с толком...

Но только нам

в моменте жить бывало сложно,

Но только нас

скрывала совесть от прохожих.

А этот час,

он на другой не стал похожим.

Услышь меня:

не каждый здесь хороший.

Себя не надо

сравнивать безбожно.

Толпа- ничто,

нет смысла верить в то, что

когда нибудь

общаться станет проще.

Я думаю.

Я знаю, что мне стыдно.

Исчезнуть там,

где все так очевидно,

это ведь просто.

Я бы не забыла,

ведь не иду я дальше-

Я застыла.

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marinavarshavskaia · 2 years

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”Fright night”

There’s no summer rain outside.

When i wake up in the morning,

i see fear in my green eyes.

Promise me that you won’t hurt me.

I should force myself to write;

People tell me that it’s healthy.

What they say is always right,

What they say can always help me.

No, it’s never just my fault.

You could love me even better.

You can tell me that i’m wrong;

It’s not gonna change your weather.

There’s still water on my cheeks.

You’re the person i’m afraid of:

these debates are not for me,

when this fear is all i’m made of.

You’re a cold drizzle of rain

and my fear is my umbrella.

It protects me from the pain,

from the change of my own weather.

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marinavarshavskaia · 2 years

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“thank you Jesus for the given patience”

baby, if we had a thing

you’d treat me like a doormat,

pulling me across the field

to clean your name and pocket

baby, why are you so sad?

oh silly, if it’s over

you know you‘re never coming back

to make me fall and hover

cause now i’m dying from my hands,

i’m trembling in horror.

there’s only so much that a man

can hide under the cover

so give me money, give me fame

and give me all your passion,

but try to kiss my baby face

like it is something special

you’ve found your image to inspire

the younger generation

to find their light between their thighs

and soften up their patience

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