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aura-bird · 10 months

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Encounter AU

So a few days ago I pondered this question. After some thinking and ideas, I bring you this~

Its basically an AU where Sparrow has an unfriendly encounter during his Nether expedition.

This AU contains spoilers for some events in Outsiders SMP.

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Like in canon, after Sparrow gets his blaze burners from the nether he has to now either build a new portal or find one.

He eventually comes to a crossroads of sorts. Either trek through a soulsand valley, bridge over a lava ocean, or head back into the domain of the creature that is probably still hunting him.

Hearing said creature's hiss in the distance behind him, he decides on the soulsand valley.

Now, Sparrow has heard many folklore tales about this biome. How it hold the souls of people who got lost and never made it to an afterlife...and those who were damned to never reach one as punishment.

Of course, he takes these stories with a grain of salt as he is a man of science and innovation.

So he's walking through the valley (avoiding skeletons and ghasts and other monsters that very much want to kill him), when all of a sudden, a thick fog rolls in.

He is then greeted by a sickeningly-friendly tone that makes him cry out in panic/surprise and he bolts. He runs aimlessly through the fog and trips, eventually picking himself up and dusting off his clothes.

When he looks up he sees a person before him. They have long brown hair tied in a ponytail and are wearing a green & brown tunic that matches their brown pants and gloves. Their body, despite it's slight transparency, looks as if it was covered in burns and their face bore three diagonal lines that looked like claw marks across one eye.

Sparrow questions who they are and the stranger apologies, introducing himself.

"Sorry, where are my manners? My name is Owen. What brings a human like you to this forsaken realm?"

Sparrow explains he needed blaze burners for a project and then questions if c!Owen is a hybrid.

c!Owen simply laughs, a malicious sound that sends a chill down Sparrow's spine.

"Me? A hybrid? I cannot think of anything more insulting than being a lesser species."

Sparrow does NOT like how c!Owen says those words, hearing the contempt and spite in his voice. Still, being polite Sparrow apologizes.

"O-Oh, sorry I um...didn't mean to insult you I just...everyone else I've met so far has been a hybrid of some sort or at least had powers. I've met a person who can teleport, another that can shoot fireballs from his hands, even a swarm of bees taken humanoid form."

He pauses before continuing, asking if c!Owen does not like hybrids and then adding that he himself finds them fascinating.

"You are a man of science then? I can respect that. I was a soldier myself."

So the two of them talk a bit more. Sparrow mentions how he seeks to learn about hybrids as he wants abilities of his own and c!Owen eventually gives his whole spiel about being a soldier, the war between humans & demons/tieflings ending through peace and how he had to stop it; just the whole arrogant hero-complex shtick he had near the end of Outsiders.

He then mentions that he tried to protect the people in the maze by killing all the demons/tieflings they were imprisoned with (sans the one who sold him out) and as thanks, they left him to burn to death in a dungeon. Whatever greater power in the universe exists then deemed him vile and so he's been damned to the nether for eternity, never to see an afterlife.

At this point, Sparrow is now horrified and scared and with that, c!Owen begins to make a suggestion.

"If you wish to get powers of your own, why not capture the hybrids for experiments? Learn how they work, how their designed, how to take their power for yourself. They're lesser beings compared to us humans anyway, no one will miss them."

It is here that one of several things can happen:

Good Ending 1:

Sparrow ponders the idea, but the horrifying image of Scott helpless in a tiny cage, his body bloodied and his eyes dulled from drugs or torture comes unbidden to his mind.

The very thought of doing such horrible things to those he calls his friends sickens him and he snaps at c!Owen for even considering such a thing.

"No wonder your soul is damned to this forsaken place! You are a monster, moreso that the beings you hunted! I'd rather try the method of dying to get abilities before I subject the innocent to any kind of harm!"

At that, he bolts, leaving the fog and c!Owen behind.

He then returns to the overworld and after building the mixer that will allow him access to brass he decides that if he refuses to experiment on hybrids...then he'd experiment on himself instead.

Cannon events follow with him building his machine.

Good Ending 2:

Similar to the above good ending, Sparrow snaps at c!Owen and flees...but c!Owen being the vengeful spirit he is doesn't let him get away easy.

Sparrow leaves the fog and c!Owen behind, unaware that in his fleeting c!Owen possessed his body.

From here, Sparrow and c!Owen become a 'Jekyll and Hyde' scenario as both their consciousnesses battle for control.

Sparrow sometimes wakes with blood on his hands and/or clothes or some horrible device/machine he doesn't remember building/designing as c!Owen uses him as a way to exterminate the hybrids ('cause he's is very much a speciesist and Sparrow gave him a new goal to pursue).

Sparrow eventually notices that some of the hybrids' abilities have mutated, meaning they've died. A few of them act afraid of him and make any encounters short; further adding to Sparrow's confusion since he doesn't remember doing anything to insult or scare them.

Eventually what's going on is figured out. Sparrow either discovers the truth by himself or the hybrids do (because they're worried and want to help) and confront him about it.

If Sparrow figures it out then he knows can't let c!Owen in on the fact he's aware of his presence. He needs to plan a way to separate them from each other while still making c!Owen think he's got all the cards here.

Maybe he lets the hybrids in on it in a very subtle manner so they can help, maybe he experiments on himself to try and expel c!Owen from his body because he doesn't want to put his friends at risk. Regardless, he's either successful or he fails and it's then up to the hybrids to save him.

If the hybrids figure it out then things are a bit easier as c!Owen would have no idea of their plans. They all work together to try and figure out how to save Sparrow from c!Owen.

The hybrids then would confront Sparrow.

If the man is himself he is confused about the sudden intervention and even more confused when his friends end up enacting their plan. What that is, I have no idea but it probably does involve them unfortunately having to kill him at some point. If c!Owen is in control when they confront Sparrow, he comments about it.

"Impressive that you managed to figure it out, didn't think you had the capacity to achieve that."

They first demand Sparrow's release and c!Owen just laughs at them because that is not happening. He's waited far too long for a host he could use to escape the purgatory he was trapped in.

Since c!Owen doesn't release Sparrow, they proceed with the plan.

Ultimately, in the end c!Owen is either expelled from Sparrow's body or just obliterated entirely. Life then returns to normal and Sparrow finds that with his death, he now has abilities like his friends.

Neutral Ending:

Like in the good endings, Sparrow snaps at c!Owen with the same speech. This time, however, when he turns to run one of his feet is sucked down into the soulsand, trapping him.

c!Owen now has a devious and sadistic grin on his face as he strides up to Sparrow, relishing in the man's helplessness.

"Brave words, but this is MY domain. Thank you for the tip about other lesser beings being around, you've given me a new purpose!"

At that, c!Owen, being a vengeful spirit, takes control of Sparrow's body and possesses him. Sparrow is forced into his subconscious and c!Owen gains full control of his body.

He poses as Sparrow for a time, but ultimately, begins his quest to wipe out all the hybrids. Some hybrids face permadeath, others don't.

The hybrids don't understand why Sparrow is suddenly so bent on their extinction and while some try to fight back, some of them (like Scott) can't hurt the one they called a friend.

At some point, it's discovered that Sparrow is possessed. Whether by Sparrow forcing his way to control for long enough to beg for help or simply someone is reborn with powers to tell what's going on.

Either way, they try to find a way to kill or expel c!Owen while still saving Sparrow. Maybe they do and Sparrow is left with all his lives or even just a single life remaining, maybe they don't and while they do stop c!Owen's conquest, Sparrow faces permadeath.

This is unfortunately a scenario where not everyone survives to the end. Who lives and who dies is up to interpretation.

Bad Ending 1:

Sparrow takes c!Owen's idea to heart and thanks him for it. c!Owen then leaves him and Sparrow returns to the overworld with purpose.

He then begins to plan how he will capture the hybrids, what experiments he'll need to run, and basically just throws all morals out the metaphorical window.

Several machines are built in a secret lab, and Sparrow's plan to capture and experiment on the hybrids begins.

In the end, he gets what he wants...and the hybrids all perish. Sparrow is the only victor here.

Bad Ending 2:

c!Owen possesses Sparrow in this scenario in a way similar to the 2nd good ending with the human not aware of his presence. This time though, instead of taking control of Sparrow's body and mind on occasion, c!Owen makes him experiment on the hybrids; a voice in his head telling him he wants this and that it's the only way to get powers.

In the end, like the above bad ending, all the hybrids permadie and Sparrow gets what he wants...

...or, at least what he THOUGHT he wanted.

With the hybrids all dead, c!Owen is quite pleased with himself and thanks Sparrow for his help before leaving the human's body.

It is then that Sparrow is hit with the reality of what he's done. What he does as a result of this realization can vary, but I'd imagine his guilt would eat away at him really badly.

#new life smp #nlsmpblr #owengejuicetv #nlsmp sparrow #new life sparrow #new life smp au #nlsmp encounter au #< that's the tag for this in case I add to it later #auras thoughts

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kpdeek · 2 years

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On Porsche Bringing Pete to Vegas...

So, I mentioned this in my "Thoughts & Review" post, but I see other people (on here, Reddit, and Twitter) expressing the same annoyed feelings as me regarding Porsche's actions in this episode. Specifically, how Porsche--despite inferring that Vegas had something to do with Pete's beat up return--strikes a deal with the devil himself and makes Pete accessible to him.

My initial reaction: boy, wtf? we thought you was goood??!?!?!

Followed by: UGHH!!! How dare he! Pete would never!!!!!!

And Finally: Okay. Okay, Dee, think this through. Take a deep breath. There has to be an explanation.

Anyway, I've got an explanation 🙃

After rumination, more than I've ever emotionally and mentally processed a show (for the record, I don't watch things often because I'm easily affected by the characters. My mental state during KP is...it's something), I put myself in dear Porsche's shoes and tried to see things from his perspective.

My conclusion: Porsche is now more emotionally tormented about his parents' deaths than he ever has been before. What was once thought to be a tragic car accident turned out to be a cover up, and he wants to get to the bottom of it. We've seen how he's tried to deal with their deaths; accepting false narratives despite witnessing the crime, intentional memory loss (that's not a technical term, don't quote me), doing the best he can to be a parent figure to his brother while living the reckless life of someone his age (maybe a bit more reckless than that, even). So, it makes sense that he's after the truth now that he's learned what he knew was not it.

Now, why involve Pete? Why make a deal with Vegas despite thinking Vegas is the one behind Pete's tortured appearance?

Because Porsche has somewhat given himself up to the dark side. He's been part of this mafia family for enough time now that he's not only fallen in love with the heir, but he's desensitized to the killing, the double crossing, the torture. We've seen him express remorse and self loathing for shooting that man in EP3, but we've also seen him get deeper and deeper into the mindset of a ruthless bodyguard as time has gone on. Basically, doing bad things doesn't faze him as much anymore. At least, not as much as it once would have. Especially now that it's personal.

This is his family we're talking about. His mom and his dad. He's not doing it for Kinn, or Korn. Not to discover a mole or prove Kinn's ex is evil. This is him dealing with the people who've taken away his childhood, his innocence. So, he's going to do some not so good things, like reaching out to Vegas, who won't go behind his back to the main family because he's not in kahoots with them. In exchange for helping Porsche (because Vegas really has to reason to), Vegas gets to see Pete. Porsche delivers what he thinks is enough punishment for now (the punch. by the way, someone needs to keep track of how many times Vegas gets hit/punched in this episode. his brain is probably rattling pretty dangerously in that pretty skull), but then he gets straight to business.

I think it's important to also recognize that Porsche doesn't truly know the extent of what happened to Pete. This makes Porsche's actions worse, because Pete did show up with his body nearly entirely disfigured. Porsche gave him up to Vegas way too easily, but he's not thinking about Pete much, or Vegas, or even Kinn for that matter. He left Kinn with a note, hid his brother, and went to hand over 5 million baht to his lying, stealing uncle. He's no longer the Porsche we started the series off with. Morals have shifted, but his loyalty? He's got it for others to satisfy them, but it's mostly to himself.

EDIT: Porsche is also NOT becoming a villain. It's been said before, but there are no heros or villains in this show.

#kinnporschetheseries #kinnporsche #kinnporsche ep13 #kinnporsche cast #vegaspete #bible wichapas #build jakapan

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whats-wild-to-you · 1 year

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could u write one where his “friend” is interested in u and u aren’t aware so u’re friendly and he gets angry and jealous

Oooh wasn’t he asked something similar on a variety show a short while ago? 🤔 but if it’s just a “friend” I think Jay would fight them 😈 ______________________________________________

You were excited when Jay invited you on a trip him and a couple of his friends were going on. You had started seeing each other recently, but it was all very casual so you even hesitated to consider dating each other. Plus, half of the people around Jay thought you were just a friend.

On the day of the trip, you texted Jay, telling him how excited you were. You waited for his reply, but you never got one.

Unfortunately, you didn't run into him all day either. When you went to the kitchen of your Airbnb to get some water, you saw Jay's friend sitting there all by himself. You didn't remember Jay mentioning he would be coming along too.

It looked like everyone else was avoiding him all day long as well, and suddenly you felt sorry for the guy.

"Everything okay?" You asked while reaching for a bottle of water.

His head immediately shot up and he grinned at you.

"Hey, I was hoping to get to talk to you in private."

You furrowed your eyebrows but he didn't seem to catch on. You barely knew him, what was there to talk about?

"Are you having fun?" He asked casually.

"Sure, I mean, what's not to like?"

"Right? And the beach looks lovely too. Too bad we arrived here after sunset, I'd love to spend as much time on the beach as possible."

"Do you surf? You look like you surf."

Full of confidence he puffed up his chest, smiling brightly.

"I mean, I'm not a pro, but I can stay on the board long enough to catch a wave."

"That's impressive, I've always wanted to try it!"

"How about you join me tomorrow? I can teach you a thing or two." He concluded, winking, and you couldn't help but laugh.

From the corner of your eye you saw a shadow approaching but then it disappeared.

"I better get back to the others, or they might die of thirst." You excused yourself, pointing at the water bottles you were cradling in your arms.

"Where is everybody?" You asked Jay, when you stood on the patio. He was the only one left and he looked pissed off.

Jay shrugged, saying that they already went to their rooms.

You countered that it may had something to do with his foul mood.

"My mood was fine until I came to look for you!"

You realized you weren't hallucinating when you noticed the shadowy figure lurking earlier.

"What? Are you spying on me now?"

"Why did you have to talk to him?"

"Because the rest of you were ignoring him!"

"For good reason! Did you know that he likes you? Constantly asks about you whenever you're not there?"

"I didn't. But even if I did, so what?"

"I don't like it! Don't talk to him again!"

Your eyes transformed into thin slits as you approached Jay slowly. You didn't like it when men viewed you as their property and Jay had been easygoing and drama-free so far.

"You don't like it? Jay, I'm not your property. I can talk to whomever I want!"

He snorted, looking away from you, and your anger intensified even more.

"What's your problem, huh? Don't like it when other people touch your toys?"

"You're not a toy!"

"We've been doing so well, why do you have to ruin it?"

"Maybe I'm tired of this ... whatever this thing is we've got goin on!"

"Then you shouldn't have invited me on this trip!"

"But I wanted you here! I just didn't know he would be here too."

"I thought I made myself clear. You were the one who said we should take things slow. It's you who has the trust issues, if you want to assume everybody is betraying you, that's fine, but I told you from the beginning, I'm not like that. I don't play around!"

"Why didn't you leave then? Or at least told him not to hit on you?"

"Because I had no idea he was interested in me! I just now heard it from you."

"Whatever!" Jay scoffed, storming off, leaving you behind.

That night in your room you thought about leaving, thought about packing your bags and leave before anyone got up. You knew Jay was the jealous type and it would take time and convincing to get him to trust you, but you had no idea he was paranoid too.

The next morning, it was you who suggested to go to the beach for the day. At one point you went and sat next to Jay's friend, making sure that Jay was not only looking at you but was also within earshot.

"It's nice, isn't it?"

"Sure. I just thought that it would only be the two of us."

"I don't see you like that, I'm sorry! You must've realized that Jay and I have something going on. As his friend, you shouldn't try to steal his girl, but encourage him and have his back!"

You felt awful saying that, realizing that every conversation around you had died down, with everyone listening in on you.

Jay's friend nodded his head slowly before he got up and walked off.

"You happy?"

You spat at Jay before walking away in the opposite direction, hoping Jay would go after you to apologize.

Either that or you would end things with him since you really didn't need any drama in your life.

#jay park #park jaybum #park jaebeom #park jaebum #more soju please #asks open #ask me anything #anon ask #ask response #ask request #anon request

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unprocione · 11 months

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hello, dear!

your study on leon is so well thought i am always left speechless as i read your posts. i am in love with how you portray him and how aesthetically pleasing your blog and writing is, making my little neurodivergent brain stick around and focus more easily.

i wish you a great day.

please, never stop writing.

softie.

thank you so much!! i've been seriously enjoying writing and thinking about leon & his point of view lately and i've been having a ton of fun with it behind the scenes, hopefully that post is one of many more to come because i have alot of ideas in store! i'm so glad that you're enjoying my portrayal and find my blog & writing aesthetically pleasing, because i put alot of time and thought into what i want on this blog these days, and what's helped me significantly is cutting down on what i reblog here and just setting up a separate spam sideblog for all of my fanart and etc. posts if they aren't related to specific character bonds, and i potentially have an aesthetic sideblog in the works too to streamline things more. i feel like i have a more concise place to write leon when i have everything organized, when i look back on my archives and recent posts now, i have like.. a sense of consistency? and it makes it so much easier to keep going when i feel concrete like that.

my friend over at blitzkriegers, ty, has been like... the tumblr version of marie kondo for me lmao, this 'does this spark joy' figure helping me sort out alot of my anxieties around being on this blog and tumblr in general, and writing overall, and has been a massive help in identifying all the little ways i procrastinate to put off writing because of some internal confidence issues. alot of that came across in constantly remaking graphics (ty actually made alot of material for this blog so i could focus on writing - if you like my icon borders i use for leon, those are all his work), alot of that was doomscrolling on pinterest, alot of it was just generally a bad mindset i had gotten into with the way the rpc in general, not just resident evil, functions - lately feeling very draining at times, learning how to navigate all of that w/ his support as a friend has been really positive for me.

so if you like what i put out on my blog here, i can't recommend enough that you check out his blog at blitzkriegers, where he writes karl heisenberg, as well as my other friend cj, who writes a splendid ethan winters on wintersdecay & a stunning ada wong, amongst other muses, over at greenherb. she does alot of study posts that are in significantly more detail than mine but far more legible, and her and ty's mutual worldbuilding is so easy to fall in love with. both of their blogs are more than great in my opinion if you're like me and have issues with focus but become super invested in roleplay and how people individually portray their muses, their blogs are very aesthetically pleasing to the eyes and their writing styles even more so. they're a joy to discuss headcanons and dynamics with, and alot of what i have on this blog i have built either with them directly, via their suggestion, or with them in mind! if you follow one i bet very soon you will be following the other lmao.

i hope i never do stop writing. it was tough going there for a while, but i feel like at least for right now i can reach that source of joy that i was out of reach from for a long time that inherently drives my writing. thank you for sending in such a sweet message!! it seriously made my evening to read it, and it really makes me proud to know that i'm putting time into one of my favorite hobbies and it's paying off not only for myself, but that someone else besides me is getting alot of enjoyment out of it too, and the reminder, the validation of that, is just always a wonderful gift to receive.

have a lovely day yourself! :) rian!

#» 🕊️ ﹕ chris redfields arms are bigger than my future. (ooc.) ❧#» 🕊️ ﹕ incoming transmission. (inbox.) ❧#i love the way you have your little directory set up in sentence format!! i've never seen that before!! :3 #prosopagn0sis

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jomatto · 1 year

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I don't know if I've officially announced it, but I'm presently in the process of rewriting Mister Cinderella. I've written some things down but now I'm trying to organize everything into Scrivener.

This is something new I'm trying, at least in regards to my stories. I've spent the last couple years dealing with workflows, kanban boards, spreadsheets, and all sorts of annoying BS at work. From this experience, I've learned that I'm a very meticulous sort of fellow, and applying this approach to story writing may generate tangible results.

However, my plan is to only update once everything is complete. I ain't about that update-as-I-go life anymore. I want everything to be ready to go as soon as I make my comeback announcement, and nothing would kill my momentum more than a disappearing act moments after my grand entrance. If I'm gonna be coming back, I'd better be bringing something big to prove it.

Mister Cinderella has become a testbed for learning Scrivener. The more I dig into it, the more I'm digging its features. Being able to move scenes around willy-nilly or bring up reference cards for characters, settings, and themes across multiple windows fits very much into my modus operandi. I find it easier to set up foreshadowing and callbacks, maintain thematic consistency, and just make the whole thing a lot more structurally sound.

I've reached a point where I feel like I'm making steady progress, so I've started looking ahead for what's next on the horizon. Besides MC, there's only one other story that I haven't finished in my FF.net profile, and that's Best Deceptions Redux. The last update was July 2014, which means it's been more than 8 years. That's a helluva long time.

After a brief flirtation with Ranma 1/2 and Evangelion in middle/high school, it was Best Deceptions that pulled me back into the fanfiction writing game and it made poetic sense to close out my run with the story that started it all.

We go back even further and the original has been dead for much longer -- since 2006. That's over 16 years, twice as long as my neglect. Methinks the story is cursed since it failed to cross the finish line twice -- but I suppose getting a second wind is more than most stories get if we talk about the massive graveyard of unfinished fics floating about the internet.

Since I wanted a refresher course, I tried to look up the original story but it's been gone for a long, long time -- and I mean gone. The profile for the original author has been done and dusted, with nary a trace left behind. Imagine my sheer panic that the story I'm trying to remake no longer exists. Well, shit.

But didn't we encounter this exact situation not too long ago? Luckily, an enterprising individual requested that I recover a story that I long since buried, and I was able to exhume its corpse thanks to the foresight of preservationists who backed up FF.net's entire story database.

To my abject horror, I could not find it after searching in the "K" archive. I gave it a couple more tries and eventually resigned myself to thinking that I'd have to depend solely on my faint memories to finish the tale. I went to bed, weighed down by the prospect of trying to complete a story that no longer exists.

Next day arrives and I search for it again. Found it. Turns out, I was looking in the wrong folder. You'd think a story that was never completed would be in the "In Progress" folder, but since the original author officially discontinued it, they marked it as "Complete". Now that's just confusing, not to mention, the archive has multiple folders for Kingdom Hearts (because of the crossover categories).

I backed that shit up immediately. Since the original author deleted everything, I could now claim sole ownership over the plot and firmly declare "I made this".

Obviously, I'm not as unscrupulous as to take credit for something I didn't make, but I do find it funny that I credit a writer that can no longer be found by conventional means. There's no way for readers to unearth this mysterious original "Best Deceptions" that I mentioned unless they go through the effort that I did. I might archive it publically on my profile somewhere if I ever get started on this final story, but for now, I'll hold on to it as reference material for my version.

I always thought that the internet was a place where everything is recorded forever, but the state of data is much more precarious than we think, and that has been demonstrated multiple times over the years with the loss of huge websites that are forever doomed to be remembered by a cache image.

Someone sent me a message last year warning me that FF.net could potentially be closing down and suggested that I repost my stories on AO3 or archive them somewhere. As far as I know, FF.net is still up, but who knows how long that will last? Although I've been lucky enough to recover two long-lost fics thought to be destroyed, it makes sense to make a backup while the opportunity is still there -- just in case.

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entomjinx · 1 year

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No worries. Tumblr has its own quirks and moods. Nothing we can do about it.

Sometimes it really is just awkward.

But yeah, we talked on/off (timezones, heh, even though you were sometimes up early/late - always hard to tell xD). And, idk, I thought I had gathered some strength after the trauma and all that crap. Fun times. So I took the gamble. In a way, why am I still messaging like this? But at the same time, idk.

One Piece is one of those mangas I will complete one day. I'm still very behind even though my ship is there since the beginning. 😂 and it's just so engaging! But at the same time I feel like I wouldn't be able to write fic for it. I guess I'm easily scared lol

Oh, I'm still stuck in gratsu. OTP and all that. I get the bunnies but writing sure has gotten super difficult. And then I catch another handful of bunnies before having finished one story and it's a lot of wips. Doesn't help that I'm feeling so bummed about my writing and that RL stuff has been bad. Gotta love a writing crisis. Which, btw, better not go your way. Just time and spoons for you.

Tumblr will always be just one step to the left of fully functioning, and that's how we like it here I suppose.

Sometimes messaging and replying though anon is easier. It a way to be slightly detached and not too invested, while still going out of your comfort zone to talk to the people you want to, especially after everything that happened in that server... At least, that's how it makes sense to me. Should you ever decide to just outright message me, I'd answer the second I saw it, but for now, if this is what you're comfy with, keep doing it!

Also sorry it keeps taking me so long to respond. College is very hectic at the moment. (also this got long oops)

One Piece is super engaging! the latest chapters are absolutely wild, especially the one this week. Holy shit. I have been more anxious writing for One Piece than I was for Fairy Tail, but the fandom is genuinly a much nicer and kinder space so far. I didn't fully realize how awful the FT fandom had treated me until I posted my first OP work... The difference is staggering. And most people I've spoken to have been much less insistant on only focusing on what's "canon." It's been wonderful so far.

That doesn't mean the FT fandom didn't leave such an impact on me that I'm not anxiously awaiting the switch up and rage to be sent my way, but I'm trying to tell myself that it's a set of irrational thoughts.

I still adore Gray/Natsu and I plan to finish some of the WIPs I have for them, as well as Phenomenon eventually, but I think most of the things I make outside of that will be kept to myself and close friends.

I have! so many plot bunnies! I finally came up with the idea to make a discord server where each channel is a plotline, and once I'd reached the limit for how many channels I could have in a category (per fandom) I have to finish something before I can make another one. It keeps me in check while also letting me keep a decently high number of ideas so that I don't get stuck with writers block.

I'm sorry stuff has been hectic in real life, and I hope things start to look up soon. Your writing has always been wonderful in my opinion, but I fully understand being bummed about it too. I can never really look at my own writing without feeling like it's missing something. Every artist is their own worst critic after all, so remember that others don't see what you think is missing, they see only the wonderful things you have created and shared.

#asks

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theworstzangooseever · 1 year

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Music that makes you feel like gender™

Daily VGM #9: Dysphoria blues (to jam to)

This was a question that came at an honestly kinda funny timing. If you know, you know. Anyway.

I already talked about The Town Inside Me and how good of a song that is, and that song is ALL about gender, and who's on the inside. Though honestly it isn't one of the big ones for me, even though right on the tin it is just about gender and stuff.

Like.. I interpreted this more as music that makes me feel like who I really am, regardless of the topic of the song. Music that makes me feel like I can be loud and proud of myself.

I think Persona 3 FES's opening, Burn My Dread, hits that perfectly. I love jazzy and catchy music, along with hip-hop and in turn ((some)) rap a ton. Persona 3 does this a ton, and it makes me feel comfortable, shameless even. On top of that, Persona's whole schtick is being true to yourself, no matter what. Admitting to your flaws and recognizing them. Persona 3 Portable has a similarly great opening, with some visuals that.. Well, just look honestly. The game has nothing to do with gender at all, and in fact these two characters are just the choices of who you want to be the player, a guy or a girl. It's so cool though, the way you normally view the opening being from the boy's PoV, but if you flip your screen upside-down, you view it from the girl's PoV. Small aside, but Persona 3's entire plot and focus is on accepting that, death is inevitable. Accepting that death will one day come, and not dreading it, but living with that fact, and living your life to the fullest despite this, is the message of Persona 3. That's at least what I took from it.

Hell, Persona 4's opening is all ABOUT being true to yourself, and keeping out the stuff that's flooding your mind and fogging your perception not only yourself, but the rest of the world. The entire game is, too. Shadows of the worst parts of the main characters form, and they grow stronger the more they deny that is part of themselves. The only way they can rid of them, is to simply accept "yes, that is part of me." We're all flawed, we all have things that are wrong with us, and that's okay. Be true to who you are, and who you want to be, and you can one day reach that goal, and see your true self. I really love Snowflakes a lot, though. It makes me miss "the old times," but I don't know what old times in particular.

Welcome to the Persona post, I guess lol. I don't wanna talk about 5, since I honestly don't feel a ton of strong emotion from those songs. 3 and 4 just feel a lot.. Closer to my heart, I guess.

I'll end it off today with..

Xenoblade 1's Main Theme. I've.. Listened to this song, a lot. Just left the game's title screen on and watched it. A lot of the time when I want to reflect, do some introspection and all. I've cried to this music. I've laughed to this music. I've realized that I'm not happy as myself listening to this music. I associate it with so much of my life, because Xenoblade is a series that has completely changed my outlook on the world. 1 made me not fear the future any longer, but want to see it through, even if I don't know what's ahead of me, simply because I want to go on living. 2 helped me realize that my past doesn't define who I am now, that I can change and become a better person, that I can move on, without having to leave it all behind. 3.. I can't go into too much detail on yet. But 3 made me realize I'm stuck in a rut that I'll never escape if I don't do something about it. I need to break the cycle. Xenoblade's music makes me cry my eyes out, the story themes do so too, but the pure feeling of friendship between all the characters, how they all become a family that's shouting to protect each other, that feeling of unity. Togetherness.

I went a bit off the rails at the end but I hope it was a fun read.

#Daily #Ask Box

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brokenxheartedqueen · 2 years

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Disappearing Dove

A/N- Hi everyone! I've always wanted to put down on paper some of the story ideas I've always had running around my brain, so here we are! Its my first time publishing anything like this, so please feel free to leave any tips that could help me better myself as an author. I hope you enjoy!

TW- talks of abuse, trauma, death, guns

Prologue

She ran as fast as her legs would let her. Her hazel eyes darting around to make sure no one was following. Lungs greedy and burning for as much oxygen as they could inhale. She slows, not being able to endure much more on her bare feet. With a shaky breath, she takes another glance around herself before falling onto her knees. The cold wind whips through her hair as if pulling her brunette strands like children teasing one another. The thin nightgown she wears does very little to protect her from the freezing temperatures of the forest air. The crunch of her feet startles her, not realizing she has gotten up and started walking again. As if fear were controlling her every movement, down to how quickly she blinks her eyes.

“Please, whoever is out there, I haven't done anything! Please! I promise i'll never say a word to anyone” she sobbed while whipping her head around, trying to find the source of her torment. The forest was eerily quiet as she stood in a small clearing. It seemed the wind had even grown tired of mocking her. With the moon being her only source of light, it's no wonder she never saw the shadows creep behind her, nor the hand that wrapped around her face. Suddenly struggling to breathe, she panics. Kicking her legs in every direction while flailing her arms, her vision grows hazy, and then eventually dark. The headache she will feel in the morning will be the only evidence that this wasn't all a terrible dream. With her last ounce of consciousness, she forces herself to pay attention to her surroundings.

With her body limp, she feels herself pressed against a warm body. Being carried bridal style to what she assumes is a car from the feeling of leather beneath her when her body is laid down. Her last few minutes of holding onto reality before letting her slumber overcome her was filled with the most delicious cologne she had ever smelt, and the mumblings of “You’ve put my men through quite the trouble, my Dove.” Rough fingertips surprisingly glide over her cheeks, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “But I've been searching for you for so long, I wasn't going to let you get away so easily. We’ll never have to be apart again, I promise.” He all but whispered into the top of her head where he placed a kiss. Then, sleep finally came.

_____________________________________________________________

Three things had greeted her after opening her eyes. First was the sun, which was as normal as any other morning. However, the arm she saw slung around her waist, and the gun sitting atop of the nightstand next to her head, was what woke her up and sent her brain into overdrive. The scream that left her mouth made the owner of her current restraint suddenly shoot up, pushing her behind his body while he reached for the object of her terror. Breathing heavy and now facing the door, her captor quickly scanned the room for his eyes, searching for the danger. His tense shoulders relaxed once he realized there wasn't a threat at all, to him at least. Hers, however, seemed to tighten more if possible. He lets out a breath he was holding and turns towards the woman in his bed. “You scared me, Dove. Are you alright? Did you have a bad dream?”

The sincerity within his green eyes clashed with the knowledge that he was ready to kill someone for her. The pistol was still firmly grasped within his hand, sending her brain into a frenzy. “Please,” she begged while springing out of bed, “I won't tell anyone I swear.” Her head whipped around the room in search of the nearest exit. “Please let me go home. I didn't do anything, I don't even know who you are!” she exclaimed while taking small steps backwards towards the door.

She felt fear seize her when he began to take long strides in her direction from the bed. In a split second, she scrambled backwards, but only to slide against the wall. God, wasn't the door just right behind her? With her mysterious man still stalking towards her like she was prey, she rushed out her words in a hushed whisper. “Please...I...I don't even know who I am”, she heard his steps slow to a halt, so she continued. “I don't even know my name, or even my own age.”

After a tense moment of the two just looking into each other's eyes, another “please” was barely spoken above a whisper, but loud enough for the man to hear the pain and desperation. It was almost humorous how quickly he dropped to her feet in order to see her face. His hands hovering over her thighs, seeming to almost be scared to touch something so delicate. “I promise you, Darling, I'll answer all your questions, but please sit back down on the bed. You've been through a lot the past 24 hours, so please, get back on the bed.” The hesitance must have been written all over her face, because the man then stood and slowly walked backwards towards the bed in question. She stands with her back against the wall for another moment or two, and then she begins to head towards the satin sheets.

When she reaches the bed, she sits as far away from the intimidating man as possible. Feet tucked beneath her, she takes a deep breath and finally looks at him. I think I forgot how to breathe. For the first time since waking up, she gets a good look at him. From his broad shoulders covered in layers of muscle, to his lean torso, it was no question that his body was attractive. However, when she reaches his face, that's where the beauty really comes in. The specks of hazel within his green eyes captivated her and stole her breath once again. His olive skin seemed to glow within the sunlight shining through the curtains, which only added to the ethereal aura he had about him. His high cheekbones and chiseled jaw only seemed to enhance his attractiveness by tenfold. Too busy undressing her kidnapper with her eyes, what the hell is wrong with her?, she failed to notice he was appreciating her beauty just the same.

Eyes roaming over the edge of her nightgown that was just barely reaching the tops of her knees in the position she was sitting in, his hands twitch. Wanting to sweep his fingers under the hem to feel the soft heaven that is her thighs, he takes a deep breath to steady himself. Traveling upwards, her soft breaths catch his attention. Her chest rising and falling quickly, his eyes shoot up towards hers, hoping to calm her down. Instead of finding fear in her gaze, he finds curiosity. He can work with that, he thinks to himself. “My name is Vincent Romano. I took over my fathers business when I was 18. When we were younger, we used to play together in the gardens. Our fathers were friends before...well, I'll explain that to you later. But what matters is that you and I are not strangers. You may not remember me, but I've always dreamt about the girl in the lilac dress who stole my heart every summer as a child.” he began. Her heart thumped particularly hard when he mentioned being in love with her as a child. A man she doesn't even recognize dreams of her still? “What happened?” She hears herself say, surprising both herself and Vincent. Vincent, she thinks, it suits him well.

The intensity of his gaze caused a shiver to run down her spine. His mood immediately shifting into one of hatred. “They stole you away. Your father had made a deal with mine, and had broken his end of the contract. He was a greedy man who wanted to use his own daughter to further his gain. He had you taken and locked away, but I've never stopped looking for you, Dove.” By the end of his short explanation, he was staring into her eyes with what could only be explained as pure loyalty and dedication. She's going to need an inhaler if he keeps looking at her like that. “But...why would my father do that?” she looks down into her clasped hands. “I always knew I wasn't their child, but they never spoke about my real parents,'' she whispered to herself under her breath, but he heard enough. “Who, my darling? What are the names of the men who dare keep you locked away all these years?” he rushed forwards, grabbing her hands and holding them in a firm grip atop her thighs.

“I don't know their names. They've never told me, but I know that they live near the woods. I used to sit and listen to the owl hoot through the vents in the attic. The only time I've ever been outside of the attic was when I escaped. I don't know exactly where the house is, but it has to be near here. Otherwise, I would have died before anyone found me” she said. His hands tightened around her own, almost too tight for her liking. “I will make sure you never have to go through anything like that again, my darling. I promise you'll never want for anything ever again, and you'll never be locked in a room to be hidden from the world.” he spoke with passion, leaning closer to her face in the process. She took another deep breath, and finally asked the most important question on her mind.

“Do you know my name?” she cautiously asked, not sure she was ready for the emotions that would come with a single word. His eyes softened, adam’s apple bobbing when he cleared his throat. “Alessia Vitali” he softly answered. Body tensed as if preparing for a physical impact from his words, but she felt nothing. No memories of her supposed childhood with Vincent, no familiarity with her surname, nothing at all. “It will take some time to get used to all of this, and I know you probably have more questions that you'd like answers to, but I can't give them to you right now.” He all but sighed while rising from the edge of the bed. “I have some work that needs my attention, but I promise as soon as I am back we can sit down and you can ask me as many questions as you'd like”.

Now standing at the door, he turns back to look at the object of his affection from his childhood, awaiting her response. “When will you be back? Am I allowed to leave?” she timidly asked while pushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear. He sighed once again, and walked back towards the bed. “I’m not sure, Dove. But you're free to roam anywhere you'd like within the boundaries of my home.” he points towards a window that shows a glimpse of the gardens that she had supposedly played in as a child. Her heart soared thinking of finally feeling a flower beneath her fingertips. “Thank you” she rushed to say before Vincent took his exit. “For taking care of me, even though i'm not really sure of who you are, or even who I am, but I know that I've had more freedom here in the past 24 hours then I've had in the past 10 years of my life.” He kissed the top of her head and held her hands in one of his. “I would do anything for you Alessia. You will never want for anything ever again. I promise”.

He stood, said goodbye one last time, and closed the bedroom door softly on his way out. Blowing out a breath she didn't realize she was even holding in, she laid back down under the covers and closed her eyes. Hoping to dream of a better place, maybe even a house of her own in the future with as many flowers in her garden as stars in the sky. With one last thought of how unusually safe she felt around Vincent already, her world faded to black. The only sounds were of her light snores and the birds greeting the sun from the trees outside. The wind was calm, but the fury within Vincent's mind was enough to darken the world near anyone who dared to enter his path.

He strode through the front gardens down towards his garage. His right hand man, Steve, quickly matching his stride. “What do you need, boss?” Steve questioned. “I need a name and an address. She was locked in an attic for her entire life.” A sinister laugh escaped his lips. “Imagine that, Stevie. Being locked in a room for 20 years? I wonder if they’d like to be locked in a cage for the rest of theirs.” He took a step forwards and leaned towards Steve's ear. “Do it quick, and do it quiet. I don't want anyone else to know that she is alive. Do you understand?” he asked his henchman while gripping his shoulder.

“Yes, boss.”

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jtrokujo · 3 years

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𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐓𝐇𝐘 𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐎𝐗𝐈𝐂¿

paring: Mikaela Hyakuya x fem!Reader

(they’re 18+!!!)

word count: 4k

warning: this story contains sexual content

gerne: smut

summary: there are days when they get along well but there were also days when they hated each other like the plague and even though they love each other?

—

The weather is neutral, but I wish it got better.

The sun is obscured by the gray clouds, but it's not windy or anything.

You could even go out with a top.

However, y / n decided to take a seat in the four walls with a number of different books and a tall pile of books right next to them.

As she gently leafed through the pages of the somewhat older book, she felt a stab.

Of course it didn't hurt since no one was attacking her, but it felt like someone was watching her.

Without presenting her feelings, she took some books and put the rest where she got them.

Immediately after leaving the library, she stopped in the middle of the path and said with an annoyed sigh, "Bathory, I know you're here."

He stands grinning in front of y / n, but could hardly show a disappointed face.

With his head tilted to one side, he looked at his prey and smiled at her immediately. "I prefer you to call me by my first name, dear."

“I do what I want and not what you want, Bathory. Besides, I have better things to do than waste my precious time being influenced by you. "

When they told the vampire, she continued on her way, or at least intended to.

As quickly as he came, he grabbed her arm just as quickly. "But y / n, why is it in such a hurry?" asked the vampire, amused, pressing more and more on hers with every second, so slowly you could hear her bones. Y / n had to react immediately!

Without thinking for a second, she dropped all of the books on the white floor and immediately grabbed her gun. "You should let go of me!" y / n's voice rang out down the hall and immediately shot the vampire in the arm.

His blood spurted around her.

Y / n got his blood on her face as well as on her clothes - it was the same with Bathory, also the wall and especially the floor got his blood.

"Disgusting." mumbled y / n and wiped the blood on her face, although she knew herself that it would be of no use.

"What's going on here?" Everyone but not him.

"Hello Mika!" said Ferid with delight and turned to get a better look at him.

"Have you lost your nerve again?" he asked me annoyed, but he only looked at me for a few seconds and immediately saw Ferid's blood spatter.

"What do you mean 'again'?"

Even if we've known each other for a long time, we both have to admit that one and the other have diverged. Sometimes it was his fault, sometimes it was me. There were of course moments when we got along really well, but in the end they weren't enough in my opinion.

"Since you've lived with us, at least one vampire must have got something from your weapon."

Said the blond-haired vampire while his eyes stared at me.

I'm not understating when I say that his eyes alone make me feel naked.

Mika only manages to control me through his eyes, even though I should be the one who should control every vampire or the various books I spend most of my time on just one more bad joke.

It was enough for vampires to exist and more than hundreds of people took their own lives just to be able to enjoy themselves. To this day I cannot forgive any of the vampires for what they did to me or those around me. I know myself that there are bad ones, but what is their goal?

Or do you have a goal?

"Y / n." I heard his voice.

Awakened from my trance, I see his eyes again. However, they do not have this previous aura, no, they are a little stricter this time. When I gave him a sign of his attention, the lecture immediately came, "You are old enough to know how to behave and with whom to behave. If you show this behavior to someone else, I'll let that person do it . " and do what they want, because I haven't had the nerve for someone like you for a long time. So finally know your limits before I use my weapon against you! "

Impressive. From sentence to sentence his voice grew louder and louder. Seriously, I never expected or even had the idea of this side of Mika in my life, but here it is. Wonderful y / n, now you have managed to sink deeply with Mika, which is actually the very last thing I ever wanted to achieve in my life, but life has never been a paradise.

With a chuckle, Bathory put his arm and my shoulders and spoke to Mika.

"But, but Mika shouldn't be so strict with her. She's just a little girl again, not even now, is she?" "If I were that little girl, you would surely have two arms instead of one." After saying my sentence, I picked up the books that were still on the floor and didn't say goodbye to anyone, why should I?

Bathory is nothing more than an idiot who uses his satisfaction to see others suffer rather than provoke them too.

While Mika nudges both children like a father, although the other is to blame for everything.

When I got to my room, I put the books on my table and sat on my bed, thinking about the old days. However, I don't think of the days with loved ones that I lost, but of those that I spent with Mika before he gave me a “better life”.

I could leave it all behind at any time and either not start an old or a new life, but I love to have him in my heart for it.

Sighing at my thoughts, I give up and stood in front of my closet for the next minute.

While the lukewarm water felt the white bathtub, my clothes landed on the floor.

This life is more of a calling expected of others than a life of its own. A break does no harm to anyone.

I said to myself and after a few seconds I closed my eyes.

After my bath or a break from the real world, I'm just choosing which book to read.

As I was about to start the new book, someone knocked on my door.

Hesitantly, I said the door was open and waited for the person behind it to appear. Please leave it all but Bathory.

Sighing, I immediately put my hand on my left breast and saw him, Mika.

To be honest, I'm happy to see him, but I'm not, but I don't need an explanation. "Good evening." he said in his usual tone. Without making a big head out of it, I repeated it myself, but added if he needed anything from me.

Shivering, I answered my question in the negative and came up to me with slow steps.

The only thing I could do was do nothing. I stopped. When our faces are a few centimeters away, his arm came slowly towards my body, until he reached for something, when he had this in his hand, he came back with a few steps and immediately held a book in my face.

"I really recommend it, I have to say, you have pretty good taste when it comes to books. I've read it several times because these stories, the writing style, the plot and most of all the characters are up to me." uniquely well written down to the smallest detail. "

I looked at the vampire in amazement. "You read that too?" "Y / n, if I hadn't read it, I wouldn't have a clue either."

A little ashamed of my oh-so-intelligent question, I also looked at the floor.

The whole time there was nothing to be heard, neither a little intoxication, nor even breathing. But after a few seconds, Mika also broke the embarrassing silence by taking a few steps and holding out his arm to me. I don't understand it about myself. When Mika is around, I either act annoyed or neutral. However, countless butterflies gather in my stomach when I think of him alone!

"Y / n ... y / n?!" Mika looked up, gave me a neutral look and at the same time held a few strands of my hair and asked me if he should tie my hair up with a towel. I gently took the wet strands of hair from his hand and began to giggle at my discomfort and nervousness. The thought of me being weird was always out of the question.

"I think I'll blow dry my hair. I'll see you at dinner or tomorrow."

"I'll see you at dinner or tomorrow." repeated Mika before she disappeared from my room.

Locked in the room and caught in his deepest thoughts, he stared over the ceiling.

The reviews of that day haunted him to this day when he also dreamed them.

Sleeping now wouldn't be for him, even though it is shortly before 2 o'clock.

But what can you do about it?

The vampire rose from the bed, stretched out, and decided to go for a walk immediately.

As he walked through the empty corridors, he always hoped not to meet anyone.

Whatever stays that way.

Bored and hands in his pockets, the floor caught his attention. It didn't take long, however, because he was amazed to get up when he saw the light coming from someone's room.

He was more than sure whose room, or rather chamber, it was.

It was Y / n's.

He stopped in front of it, thinking, held out his hand and wanted to knock on the door. At the same time he quickly put his hand in his pocket. This scenario takes about 3 minutes. But it wasn't the vampire's nervousness that was unusual, no, why should he be at y / n's door? This is funny.

Doesn't he often seem annoyed or stern in your presence?

Well, he doesn't even know what's going on in his head.

After an eternity, the vampire finally knocked on the human's door and immediately heard "Come in" from the other side.

Without telling himself twice, he opened the door and saw her. He saw her spread out on the large bed with several notes and books.

Stressed out. You can't see it from the outside, but even Mika can confess that he thinks it is strange to see y / n at this time.

"Do you need something?" she asked him and fixed him with her gaze.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping long ago?" he asked and at the same time crossed his arms over his chest.

"Mika, I could ask you that too, don't you think?" sigh y / n and slowly start piling up her notes and books together.

When Mika offered her help, she politely declined and slowly and carefully put the things on her desk.

"If you have nothing special to do, you can always keep me company, you know?"

Yes, even if there is an argument between the two, they still get along well. However, they don't seem to be as close as they used to be. Without saying anything, Mika accepted the offer and sat next to y / n.

Was that really wise?

The smell of y / n gets over his head, but he's not as easy to lose control as other vampires.

Breathing hard, Mika rubbed her eyes and hoped that this unbearable smell would go away any moment.

Easier said than done.

If only I had drunk blood in the last few days. The vampire cursed.

Y / n noticed his unusual behavior and tried to communicate with him, but to no avail. She called his name several times, tapped him on the shoulder, and shook him a little. He seems trapped in his own world. For the first time she seemed to see someone so trapped in his own world. When will he regain his senses?

Annoyed, she hit his skull with her fist, which led to a groan of pain from Mika's mouth. "What does this mean?!"

“If you are tired, please go to your room and sleep there.

Both rolled their eyes in annoyance.

"You have nothing to say to me, human."

"Oh really? What are you going to do about it, vampire?" It wasn't a mistake by y / n, but rather Mika's mistake. If he hadn't called her a human, she wouldn't have called him a vampire. Nobody except Mika knows right now how much he hates vampires and yet he is one himself, but you have to remember that he never wanted to be one. Not everyone is lucky in life.

As I said, even if it was his own fault that she reminded him, he completely lost his nerve. Slowly she approached y / n, she already felt the dark aura coming towards her. However, y / n did not want to show the fear that is in her and slowly rising above her head. She will regret it. "Repeat when you have the pity." "What is the problem? You called me human and I called you a vampire, but you know what makes me be silly, get out of here, vampire. ”Without further ulterior motives, Mika grabbed her wrist and squeezed the bones with her hand listened from print to print. When she wanted to reach for her gun, which is under her top, Mika was a second faster and threw it directly to the end of the room. When Mika immediately released his hand from Y / n's wrist, she saw an emotion in his eyes, sadness.

He was hurt, but shouldn't he care? What should a little person who plays with little guns do against a vampire, ask him about a game? However, he saw her more as a person, he saw her as someone he can love, with whom he can laugh, of course he had had these people before in his life, but they have long since disappeared. Oh how much he loves her.

If only she knew how many letters he wrote her, but never gave them to her, but hid them in his room.

"I'm really stupid." Mika muttered trembling to herself. Y / n heard it and slowly walked up to him "Mika, that was very childish of me and, to be honest, I'm sorry." When she tried to touch his shoulder, he knocked her away and looked into her eyes, it was their fault.

“I don't want your decisions! I never wanted to be a vampire! If you don't know anything about me, please be quiet and think twice before you open your door! ”The whole room went quiet, pretty quiet. It was rather uncomfortably quiet for y / n, but she preferred to keep her mouth shut because it looked like Mika was looking for the right words. "Why do I love you? Tell me Y / N, how can I love you when you hate me so much?" His voice was fragile and it was tormented to hear it that way. "Mika, I had never hated you before." Exhausted, Mika sat down on the floor and looked at the gun at the other end of the room. "Every time I see a gun like that, I hate myself even more." “Even if it sounds a bit clichéd, for example because of the current situation, I have to and want to admit that I love you Mika. You are in such pain and apparently you have torn old wounds. You didn't deserve that, nobody deserved that. ”Y / n sat like Mika on the floor and hugged him. Her warm body against his cold one. As if in slow motion, their faces stood a few inches apart until their lips met.

𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐏

With my hands on the back of his neck and my tongue seeking his, his fingertips dance from my thigh under my top.

Only he managed to make me shiver everywhere in a few seconds with the help of his touch. Not through his ice-cold skin, no, only through him. In keeping with the mood, the cold raindrops hit my window pane. "Waiting." he whispered to me.

Not a second later it was pitch black in my room. The butterflies in my stomach just like Mika don't know when to stop, but I love it, never let it stop! His lips kissed every inch of my skin and whispered to me how divine my body was. His hands slide up my top until it finally brushes over my head. The first item of clothing is already on the floor. My legs were around his waist so he could pick me up and lay me on my bed. When he did that, his lips were still on my skin.

As I lay down comfortably, I watched his clothes land piece by piece on the floor. His belly is built like that of a Greek god and although it is dark the moon shines on him. One could have immediately thought it was a godsend. The boxer shorts were the only items of clothing that remained. While I was about to take off my pants, Mika took my hands and indicated that he could do it himself. When my pants peeled off my skin, he looked at my legs in admiration and immediately threw my pants on the floor. Now stand half-naked in front of my bed. The red cheeks on his cheeks were clearly visible. "Are we really supposed to pull this off?" I asked Mika and looked him in the eye. His lips approached my ear and he breathed softly, "Y / n, the question is not, we should, but we can. A human and a vampire, is that a good chemistry?"

"Why don't we want to find out?" I whispered and kissed his shoulder in time. Now he looked at me again, but with clearly red cheeks you could have thought he had a fever, but I can't blame him, because even when his ice-cold body is on top of mine, my body manages to have a hot temperature.

As our tongues played with each other again, our hands explored each other's bodies. While one hand pinches my buttocks, the other is right on my bra clasp.

Moaning slightly, I also pinched his buttocks and felt my muscles tense. A low gasp left his delicate lips, which made me even weaker. My temperature rises more and more with each of his touches.

I can not stand it anymore!

He knows very well that he has the upper hand!

When my bra, like the rest of the clothes, landed on the floor, his ice-cold hands brushed my arms up to my hips and brushed the last piece of clothing across the floor.

I was breathing hard down in my zone.

His hands were on each thigh so I couldn't pinch my legs together. Apart from the horniness, I could hardly move my legs because of his strength, you can not say that he is so strong. The horniness in me is going like crazy! With every breath Mika takes against my area, the butterflies in my stomach fly crazier.

When his tongue brushed my cervix for less than a second, I let out a gasp. Immediately afterwards he pressed his tongue against it and danced with it at the same time. That I'm getting wetter is not only clear to me, but also to Mika, when he was his tongue in my entrance, she explored every single inch inside.

Overwhelmed by shame and lust, I pressed one hand against my mouth so as not to make a noise from you, and the other on his white-blonde hair.

Every time his tongue penetrated deeper and he spread my thighs wider and wider, it honestly hurt, but I don't care about that at the moment because as good as he makes me feel no one is going to do it and I want it too nobody does it because I just want them. Because I just want Mika.

When I thought it couldn't get better, I was wrong. When he started sucking, I was done. My lustful moans got louder every time I sucked, but I do my best that nobody but Mika can hear it. When he freed his tongue from the entrance again, he stuck his middle and ring finger in the next second and didn't give me a second to get used to it. The speed of his fingers is unique!

No matter how much I press my hand against my mouth, my moans stay louder.

Several times his name groaned, which only drove him to increase the speed. My orgasm is nourishing. When I groaned and said I was about to be there, he didn't stop but continued. His tongue dances on my cervix and his fingers successfully hit the G-spot every time, it's just breathtaking!

When my orgasm came, I screamed his name with relish and breathed heavily as I stared at the ceiling.

His beautiful face approached mine, but he devoted his lips to my ears and whispered, "A second round won't hurt you." Aren't my trembling legs enough for him? In the middle of the kiss, I slowly felt his member inside me, but my nails clawed behind his back in pain, we continued the kiss. Now it was Mika who groaned in the middle of the kiss. He closed his eyes and kissed my chest as his hips began to dance. Is it still normal for him to make me feel this way? Because on the one hand I can no longer, on the other hand I want more! Mika's one hand is on my thigh while the other is on my chest. The way he plays sensitive nipples is superb.

I don't know how he makes me feel so good, but I want him to never stop. "Mika, don't stop." I moaned in his ear and wrapped my legs around his waist. When he saw me, I didn't know how to feel. Because his eyes are blood red! He slowly approached my neck. That cold breath worried me even more. He didn't bite me, however, but instead scratched his designated spot with his fangs as the blood flowed from the wound, so it propelled him and made him much faster than before. The clap of our skin was just as loud as the satisfying moans from our mouths. "Y / n." he groaned my name and immediately turned me around. Now my back was visible to him. With both hands on our hips, our bodies clapped together. When I moaned his name one last time, the orgasm came, Mika pulled his member out of me and rubbed it with his hand until finally the white sperm speared out of his body.

𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐏

After Mika helped me cleanse my body, we are back in bed naked. "Do you think we can do it?" Mika asked out of nowhere. “I don't think so, I know, Mika. And I think you should too. "The vampire looked at me lovingly and finally kissed me on the lips and immediately afterwards whispered" Good night, y / n. " "Good night, Mika."

#mikaela hyakuya #owari no seraph mikaela #owari no seraph #mikaela x reader #oneshot #fanfic #fanfiction #x reader #female #x you #love story #smut #seraph of the end #yuichiro hyakuya #shinoa hiragi #ferid bathory #guren ichinose

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weepinglevi · 3 years

Text

patience is a virtue

summary: college!au. all aged up. eren and reader continue with their sexual escapades. find part one here! warnings: 18+ minors dni. dirty text messages, dirty talk. dom!eren and bratty reader (i suppose?). throat fucking and semi-public sex. (no p in v tho) word count: around 3.5k A/N: i have a love/hate relationship with this eren ahaha, he's been ruling my brainrot ever since the last part so i hope you enjoy! there will be a part three eventually, so be on the lookout for that! enjoy your read and feedback is greatly appreciated! xx

you awake to your phone vibrating somewhere next to you. the hope of it only being a one-time occurrence quickly proven to be false as it just wouldn't stop. brr-brr. a second of silence. brr-brr. pause. brr-brr.

taking a mental note to never go to sleep again without turning off your phone, you roll over to your other side and try to ignore it. you could simply answer the texts, but that meant you'd have to open your eyes. and that whoever was texting you would win this weird battle you've just come up with in your head.

"if you don't pick up your goddamn phone, i'll smack you over the head with it," sasha groans from the other side of your shared dorm, words coming slurry with her tiredness.

brr-brr.

"i could also stick it up your ass, your decision," a pillow comes flying to your head, serving as enough of a warning for you to sit up in your bed, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

"quit moaning, i'll turn it off now," you yawn, feeling around your bed for your phone, "you never hear me complaining about the shit you do in the middle of the night."

"that's because my shit is funny and not fucking annoying," she scoffs, followed by a muted thump as she is sinking back down into her pillows. sasha's way of ending the conversation.

you find your phone half-tucked underneath your pillow, the display already lighting up again. someone is desperate for attention, you think to yourself and unlock your phone with an annoyed sigh. the messages were coming from an unknown number.

thinking about your wet pussy. this is eren, btw. historia gave me your number. i told her you wouldn't mind you don't mind, do you?

in a matter of seconds, your heart is beating in your throat once more, just like this afternoon in that godforsaken computer lab. ears growing hot at his words, you could almost imagine the sound of him laughing at you again. with trembling fingers, you scroll down further.

anyway, let's do it again sometime i told you. i'll never let you forget about how you moaned my name i'm also not forgetting about how badly i want to fuck that pretty mouth of yours, so it's a win-win see ya, then

staring down at your phone, you don't know if you should answer him. and even if you would answer his texts, what the hell should you say? "fucking bastard," the words escaping your mouth before even realizing that you'd better keep quiet. the only thing that could make this situation any worse was if sasha were to wake up again.

scratch that, you think as you see eren's new messages.

how badly do you want to suck my cock? you looked really hot today, covered in my cum what, you're shy again?

there are two ways this could go: either you stand up, put on some clothes, and then go to eren's dorm to let hell rain upon him - or simply mute your phone and ignore him. deciding to go with the latter, you lie back down and save his number as "fuckhead", a small grin forming on your face. if he wants to be childish, then you can be, too.

the display still lighting up at a steady pace, you have to fight the urge to open his other messages. to physically prevent yourself from grabbing your phone again, you put your hands between your thighs and sigh. what the hell have i gotten myself into?

"so, who am i gonna have to teach some manners today?", sasha asks in the morning, "because there are only two valid reasons for sending that many texts in the middle of the night," she sits up in her bed and bends over to reach for her phone, "either someone's dead or there's a food sale."

cringing at the thought of having to read the countless other messages eren has sent throughout the night, you try to laugh at her comment, "of course, when there's food involved, you're all for it."

"girl's gotta eat," she claims, thankfully being too distracted by something on her phone to notice your strange behavior, "i'm gonna be back later than usual today, connie wants me to be his wingman again."

starting to go off on a tangent about how connie should just get a dating app already, sasha's words become more of background noise to you. you want to know what he wrote. what he has in store for you. at the same time, you curse yourself out. you're turning into a headless chicken and all of it because of eren fucking yeager?

you nod here and there, offering her a "yes" at what you believe to be fitting moments, desperately hoping she doesn't catch up on your restlessness. all the while the two of you are getting ready for the day. this goes on for a few more minutes and you have no clue what she's talking about now, so you decide to grab your phone and stand up.

"i'm gonna go for a run around campus, you want coffee?" you blurt out, interrupting her monologue. the device in your hand feels as if it's burning through your skin. slipping into your trainers, you're already halfway out the room, her perplexed "uh- yes, please," being muffled by the door closing behind you.

it's still warm outside - not as hot as yesterday, but warm enough for you to be glad to have forgotten your cardigan earlier. you let out a deep breath, trying to clear your mind. even though you told sasha you'd be out for a run, you walk at a slow pace.

some people are already wandering around campus, most of them on their way to a lecture. at this time in the morning, everyone has their heads full with their own worries so no one notices you slowly making your way off-campus.

arriving at a little park surrounded by trees, you sit down on the bench farest off. you notice your heart fluttering like the wings of a hummingbird when pulling the phone out of your back pocket. fuck him, you think once again while typing in your code. fuck him for making me feel this way.

12 unread messages.

didn't seem all too shy when i had my hand wrapped around your throat no need to play hard to get when i already had you if that makes sense? haven't fucked you yet doesn't mean i won't get to fuck you

all you want is to feel appalled by these messages. to screenshot them and send them to the dean. maybe even to his mother. sickened with yourself though, you already feel the familiar warmth creeping up your body, curling up in your abdomen.

i know you want it, too how fucking needy you were for me getting yourself off in public to the thought of me maybe you can tell me what exactly you were thinking of? gonna make sure to let your dreams come true, princess

pet names? you clench your fist at the thought of eren leaning over you, breathing the word princess into your ear. you have an inkling that he'd say it mockingly; spitting it out whilst gathering your hair in a ponytail, arching your back forcefully, and slamming his length into you without mercy.

no. you hate pet names. at least, you've always hated them.

i'm gonna find out if you're ignoring me right now remember, you're not the best actress. fucking suck at it, actually wouldn't want to be punished now, would we?

his last message echoed in your head. still coming to terms with the fact of what happened yesterday, now you have to deal with a whole new revelation: eren yeager being a cocky motherfucker pushing all the right buttons for you. even though you want to blast his ass for this, the mere thought of him being near you again is too sweet of an imagination.

you want to play this game, too. for whatever reason keep on riding this high, and you just know that no one could do it quite as well as eren can. somehow you can only imagine taking him on this ride with you, no one else.

so, in that manner you decide to ignore his messages. if he's desperate enough to keep on sending them in the middle of the night, you're sure it won't be long until he sends another text. and it would give him enough reason to try and punish you, whatever that might entail – you're excited to find out. fucking nervous, too. but then again, who wouldn't be?

you stand up and put your phone in your back pocket, a sense of excitement surrounding your steps as you turn left to make your way to the nearest coffee shop.

"something tells me you're ignoring me," of course, the moment eren's voice comes up behind you, you fucking flinch like a little bird that's been scared away, "mostly because i've seen you reading the messages, but what do i know?"

you turn to see him clutching his heart dramatically, "don't play with my feelings like this," he swoons, bringing one hand to his forehead. he's laughing again, all white teeth and bright smiles – you realize this is the kind of eren you rarely get to see. not the cocky bastard he normally portrays; right now, he seems to be a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, just enjoying himself. still, you want to show him that you can play just as well as he can.

crossing your arms in front of your chest, you slightly raise a brow, trying your hardest to not look as nervous as you feel. it's a lost cause though because you can already feel the tips of your ears glowing with heat again. can't things go my way for once? just once? you think and chew the inside of your cheek. you felt so sure of yourself just moments ago. how the hell can he have this sort of effect on you?

suddenly, his whole demeanor changes. before, he seemed laid-back, entertained by the game he played with you. now he leans forward, hands in the pockets of his jacket and an almost cruel smile forming on his lips, "don't try to challenge me in this. you'll lose."

you know that you should feel frightened. terrified, even. he's looking like a lion preparing to jump the antelope, a sense of alarming calmness around him that's causing the small hairs on your neck to stand up. but alas, the way he's looking at you seems to have the same effect on you his scent has.

"i told you not to ignore me," eren says and takes a few steps closer to you, "yet here you are, doing it again." the chuckle leaving his lips a stark contrast to his stern gaze, still trained on you. somehow, you feel awfully small again - still not frightened, though. you stare right back at him, tilting your head slightly as if you wanted to say "so what?"

"are you seriously that desperate to be punished?"

better now than never, you think and once again place a courtly smile on your lips, "seems like it."

for a split second, you see eren's smug look turn into a genuine smile. realizing that you're up for his game, he lets out a smooth whistle, "you do surprise me."

"if you wouldn't always be so full of yourself, i'm sure you'd have recognized this sooner," you can feel the confidence growing in yourself again. clinging on to it, you take a step toward him, "i'm full of surprises."

"oh, yeah? i bet you are," from the corner of your eye, you can see him lifting his hand. before thinking twice about it, you bat it away, "i'm not one for public displays of affection."

oh, it is on– eren's smirk turns into a full-fledged grin as he takes a grip of your wrist, "you sure about that?" lifting your hand to his face, for a short moment you think he's going to suck on your fingers again. but all he does is place a faint kiss on the back of your hand, "didn't seem like it yesterday."

"you weren't supposed to see."

"but i'm so glad i did," he leans forward, the two of you standing so close you can feel his breath on your face, "or else we wouldn't have this kind of fun right now."

still having a hold of your hand, he lifts his other to your jaw, gently tracing his thumb across your lower lip, "you looked so pretty in your skirt yesterday."

taking a leap of faith, you grab his hand, holding it in place and letting your tongue run across the tip of his thumb before biting down playfully. there's a hiss and then eren pulls away and grabs your arm, "come with me."

finally, you think and let him guide you to wherever he wants, let's have some fun, then.

on your way out of the park, you pass jean and marco. even though they stand to greet eren, he just raises his hand whilst not breaking his pace, "gotta go, have an assignment to work on."

"never seen you that determined, but go off," jean laughs.

before you know it, you're inside one of the countless maintenance sheds. pushing you against the wall, eren's movements seem to become more and more erratic by the second. pinning your arms over your head, he's looking down at you, breathing heavily. "you have no idea what you just got yourself into," licking his lips, he chuckles.

"oh, but i think i actually do," you smile innocently, fucking glad to have found your normal self again. admittedly, eren threw you off your game since yesterday – but it's just going to play into your hands now. he won't see it coming until it's hitting him straight in the face; that you're just as messed up as he seems to be.

"then prove it," he breathes against your ear, "tell me how badly you want it."

the stuffy air inside the dimly lit shed doesn't help with keeping eren's scent away from you. being so close to him, looking up into his shadowed face and right into his dilated eyes; you're like putty in his hands. you try to move forward, to touch him in some way because you just know that he'll feel so good under your skin.

"now now, princess," he moves even closer, wedging you between himself and the wall, "how about we learn some patience, first?"

you nod, but then grind up against his thigh, hissing through your teeth, "i worry i'll be a real handful." you know you could very well move your hands, too – eren seems to still be testing the waters as to how far he can go with you. but with him actually letting you grind on him; you decide to play into his hands.

your breaths grow quicker as you keep on, pace becoming erratic. all you want is to get rid of your track pants – come to think of it, what you actually want is eren under you whilst you continuously bounce on his cock. you want to hear him call you princess and immediately after call you his little whore because that's exactly what you are.

eren has a little smile on his lips and you know you should ask yourself why – because you're doing exactly what he has forbidden you to do – but you're too far gone. the heat growing, you feel your knees buckle but he's holding you up; one hand now resting on your waist for support. you're so close –

and then he pulls away from you, nearly causing you to topple over. chest heaving, you place your hands on your knees for balance, "what the fuck was – "

"patience is a virtue," interrupting you with a laugh, but his voice heavy with lust, "thought i might give you a lesson you're ought to remember."

you look up to see eren palming his erection through his pants, standing about an arm's length away from you, "but i have to admit, hearing you getting yourself off is fucking hot."

biting your teeth together, you straighten up and take a step toward him – only for him to click his tongue in disapproval, "you're gonna stay right there," tugging at his pants he raises his eyebrow, "i told you what i want, get on your knees for me."

"the fuck i will," you spit out and make a move again, grasping for his waistband. but eren is quick to take a hold of your hand and pushes you back to the wall, "come on, now, princess," he chuckles but his eyes are concentrated at you, "you want this, don't you?". he's asking for permission, the thought feeling very comforting to you. and also, very excited for what's about to come.

"of course, i do," you answer him earnestly, resting the back of your head against the wall, "or else i wouldn't be here."

"fantastic," he breathes, a little smile playing in the corners of his mouth, "then get down on your knees," placing his hands on your shoulders, weighing you down, "i won't ask again."

the change of tone in his voice has you nodding, slowly sinking onto your knees, you're bursting in anticipation. one hand finally pulling down his pants, he runs his other through your hair, then down your jaw until it comes to rest on your chin.

thumbing at your lower lip, he groans "do i have to be careful?"

you just shake your head no. then you break away from his gaze, fixing your eyes on the bobbing cock in front of you. it's tip leaking with precum already, you remember how badly you wanted to lick it away yesterday.

taking his cock at its base, you bend forward and slide your tongue around its head. the salty taste sending shudders down your spine, you make sure to lift your eyes again once you prepare to take it all down your throat. your other hand snakes up to his balls, slightly tugging them which earns you a moan from eren, and fuck, you're so wet at the sound alone, you let go of his cock and slide one hand down to your own center.

he gathers your hair in one hand, taking the base of his throbbing cock in the other, "bet this is what you thought of yesterday," he slowly but surely pulls your head in closer, "of how i fuck the words right out of you."

bucking your hips into your own hand, you can do nothing but whimper at his words. because yes, this is exactly what you imagined. he's only halfway in and you're already struggling to breathe, but not wanting him to stop you hold your breath and push down even further; trying desperately not to moan.

the tears in your eyes causing your vision to be blurry, you attempt to blink them away.

"shit – ", he's pumping into you now, rubbing the tears from your cheeks and then placing both his hands on your head, "you're doing so well – "

getting lost in his words, the fear of being caught is so far away; you finally moan around his cock. saliva soaking the hem of his shirt, you can't seem to take his whole length, no matter how hard you try. you're a fucking mess under him and the thought alone is nearly sending you over the edge.

he's trying to pull away now and you know he's close, so you snake your hand around his hip, hoping this is enough of a sign to him that if he dared to cum anywhere else than down your throat, you'd bite him.

"you really – " his voice is hoarse, "fuck – this is fucking perfect," he moans as he comes to the realization. leaning his arm against the wall behind you, he's fucking himself into your mouth, his panting and the sound of your choking filling the room.

you close your eyes to blink the tears away again, but eren pulls on your hair, "no – look at me."

with this the knot in your belly explodes, leaving you holding on to eren's hip as you ride the waves of electricity that are running through your body like lava.

"such a good little whore – " he's gone as well, holding your head in place as he's pumping his load down your throat, leaving you no other option than to swallow – which you eagerly do. you feel his legs shaking under your hands.

once again, eren hands you his shirt to clean your face. this time, you take it with a smile, noting that, "i still have your other one."

"don't worry, i'll come get it sometime when sasha's away," the two of you know exactly what this means – neither of you are planning on this to be over anytime soon.

"i'll let you know, then," you nod and stand up, hoping you don't look as well-fucked as you feel, and make your way to the door, "she's gone most of the time."

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bwbatta · 3 years

Text

The one where you get together (1)

Abstract: Y/N and Sirius have been friends since they first met on the Hogwarts Express, so when they do get together, they decide not to tell their friends straight away. (Friends AU)

Pairing: Sirius Black x Lupin sister!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, talking about sexual content

Word Count: 3.5K

A/N: To celebrate reaching 500 followers, I'm dropping another mini series as a thank you to everyone who has shared and supported my work! Add yourself to my taglist here

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

You could still vividly remember the first time you met Sirius Black.

Boarding the train to Hogwarts the first time, you managed to find a compartment with your brother, Remus, before it was descended upon by two rowdy boys with large grins.

James Potter and Sirius Black had, with no hesitation, introduced themselves to you and you quickly became friends, especially when you pulled your money together and bought a various selection of chocolates from the trolley. When the sorting hat placed all of you in Gryffindor, it only reaffirmed your friendship.

It wasn't just the four of you in your little group though, the boys were placed in a dormitory with another boy, Peter, and you shared a dorm with two other girls who also became fierce friends of yours; Lily Evans and Marlene McKinnon.

Of course, growing up together through Hogwarts had it's arguments and fall outs, though somehow you always seemed to remain friends.

It wasn't until your seventh, and final year of Hogwarts did the surprising pair of Lily and James get together which solidified your friendship group even further. Between Sirius and you, the bet you had made in your fourth year regarding when the pair would get together, finally came to an end where you had happily took your winnings with a smile and paid for a bottle of Firewhiskey to celebrate.

After graduating, you ended up moving in with Marlene, finding a perfect two bedroom flat for you to share, close to Diagon Alley. The boys had taken a page from your book with Sirius using some of his inheritance from his great uncle and buying a flat directly across the Leaky Cauldron.

Whilst he had invited Peter to also live with him and Remus, the boy politely refused with the intention to stay with his parents for a while.

James however, had asked Lily to move in with him almost the second they graduated and the pair had moved to a little cottage in Godric’s Hollow. It wasn’t long afterwards that James had proposed to Lily which led to the current series of events.

About an hour before, you and Marlene had walked down the aisle in the gardens of Potter Manor in your bridesmaids dresses, while Lily had donned a white dress and followed you. Standing opposite your brother and Sirius, the latter caught your eye when your friends said their wedding vows.

With a wink, Sirius had your attention and you weren't exactly sure what it was that felt different, but something definitely did.

As the reception started, you watched Lily and James take some of their wedding photos together. The smile on your face was something you couldn't help as Remus appeared at your side, a similar expression on his own face.

"Remember when Lily hexed James so hard he vomited out of his nose because he proposed to her?"

"I'm pretty sure it made him like her even more to be honest, James is weird like that." You snickered, accepting the drink from your brother. "Who would've thought we'd be here not even four years later?"

"Tell me about it. If you plan on getting married anytime soon though, please give me some warning." Remus joked, nudging his shoulder against yours.

"I think I need to actually date someone before I marry them, but thanks for being so optimistic about my dating life." You grinned at him before seeing Sirius making his way over to the two of you.

"Well well, if it isn't the Lupin twins." Sirius laid an arm over both your shoulders. "How long do you reckon it'll be before Lily's creepy uncle makes a move on Marlene?"

"At least after two more drinks." Remus chuckled. "Which reminds me, I promised I'd save her from any men tonight who wanted to dance with her that, and I quote, looked like they had to use a stamina charm in bed."

"Good luck with that." You snickered, waving your brother off as he disappeared in the direction of the blonde.

Sirius didn't say anything else as he took a seat at one of the tables and pulled you down into his lap. It wasn't uncommon for the two of you to hug or cuddle, having done so numerous times in the Gryffindor common room, much to Remus' annoyance. This only really resulted in Sirius being more affectionate.

Being twins, the two of you were naturally closer than normal siblings which resulted in Remus being protective over you since the only blood family you both had left was each other. Your parents, especially your father, had grown fearsome and disgusted at what Remus was, despite it not being his fault when Greyback bit him all those years ago. Your father began to resent you after you constantly took Remus' side and played his constant advocate.

"Hey, what're you thinking about?" Sirius nudged you, grabbing your attention. His expression was unreadable as he watched you watch Lily and James interact with each other.

"I don't know, it's nothing." Sirius nudged you again, looking for a proper answer. "I look at them and I just wonder if I'll ever have that, you know? Someone who looks at you like you're their whole world."

Sirius didn't say anything at first, but pulled you closer. He wouldn't admit it but he often had the same thought cross his mind.

"You'll find them."

"Are they fucking hiding from me?!"

"If they've already met you, then probably."

Smacking his chest, you couldn't help the contagious laughter that bubbled from you, echoing that from the wizard.

"Being serious though," Sirius grinned at the pun he just made, "who wouldn't want you?"

You smiled at him warmly, not knowing what to say. It wasn't often that Sirius was, well serious. The boy loved a joke, but he also loved his friends and knew exactly what to say to them to cheer them up, especially you.

"Thanks, Siri."

"Hey, James and Lily are about to head off for their honeymoon." Remus said, knocking on Sirius' bedroom door at Potter Manor, stepping inside to see Sirius rush back out from the ensuite bathroom only in his shirt and boxers. "What happened to you? You disappeared from the reception."

"Uh, dropped cake down myself, had to come and change." Sirius told him quickly.

"You do realise you're a wizard right? You could've just vanished the mess?"

"Ah yeah, of course, how stupid, sure could've. Anyway, I just need to put on some clean trousers and I'll be right down."

Remus frowned. Something was off but he couldn't work out what it was. Putting it down to Sirius drinking too much, he waved the man off, exiting the room.

"Alright well, hurry down, James was asking for you."

Remus exited the room and Sirius quickly closed the door behind him. Turning back to the bathroom, he watched as you opened the door with a tentative expression, trying to zip your dress back up but failing.

"Do you think he knew I was here?"

"Don't think so, here, turn around, I'll do it." Sirius turned you around, quickly zipping up your dress before resting his hands on your waist. "So, we haven't done that before."

"That is correct."

It was slightly awkward between the two of you, why was it awkward? Oh, maybe because you were both fucking like rabbits not even moments before your brother knocked on the door. It had never been awkward between you before though and you didn't like it.

"Why is it so awkward?" Sirius chuckled as you spun around before him.

"Right! It's like I don't know what to say!"

"We're just two friends who've had sex one time, there doesn't have to be anything awkward about that!"

"Exactly, it doesn't have to be a big deal, it was a one time thing, we can just go back to the party and no one will know!"

"Yes, good plan, lets go!" Turning towards the door, Sirius started towards it with a new determination, completely forgetting one issue.

"Sirius?" He paused, looking back at you, "maybe you should put on some trousers before we go down though."

"Good idea."

Waving James and Lily off, you stood alongside the rest of your friends as Marlene appeared, pulling you towards her by your waist.

"Ugh, please tell me we're going to get some good booze and continue to get fucked up at ours?"

"Is that an open invite?" Remus asked with a grin, "Think I spied an extra bottle of Firewhiskey knocking about near the top table."

"100%," Marlene grinned at him, "after all, it's the least I could do after you saved me from so many creeps tonight. I will thank you in the form of hosting a small afterparty with the inner circle. Right, Y/N?"

"I'm up for it, I'll go see if I can grab that extra bottle you mentioned."

Taking off towards the top table, your eyes scanned the tables one by one until you felt a presence behind you. Already knowing who it was, you didn't bother looking back at them.

"I've got a fresh bottle stashed under my bed upstairs if we wanna grab that one?" Sirius said lowly in your ear.

"That sounds like a plan," you said slowly, "though I thought we said it was only a one time thing?"

"Weddings don't count, right? I swear that's a rule somewhere."

"...How long do you think we can be before the others get suspicious?"

"10 minutes?"

"Sounds good, lets go."

The pair of you said nothing more the entire night on the matter and ended up just having a good time with your friends. The boys ended up sleeping on your sofas, not trusting themselves to apparate safely considering the amount they each had to drink.

It wasn't until mid morning when everyone started to rouse, that you offered to make everyone a cup of tea to help with the hangovers that had started to form.

"Hey, make mine extra strong, will you?"

You laughed, turning to face Sirius.

"You need the caffeine that much?"

"That answer is a strong yes."

Pouring the boiling water into the mugs, you passed Sirius' over to him as he smiled at you in thanks.

"So, yesterday was something." You smiled, taking a sip of your own drink.

"Yeah... something stupid, right?"

"Yeah, totally stupid." There was a brief silence between you as you weren't exactly sure what to say next. "Look as much as I enjoyed it, I don't want us to become awkward or ruin our friendship or anything because of it."

"Good, because I was going to say the same thing." Sirius nodded, leaning against the kitchen counter top. "As good as the sex was, and trust me it was good, it's not worth making our friendship awkward or anything not knowing where we stand with the other."

"Right, yes, that makes a lot of sense." You both took another sip of tea as you listened to Marlene and Remus in the living room laugh about something. "Unless... wait no, it's nothing."

"No, what it is?" Sirius asked.

"Unless... I don't know, we keep fucking in secret and just don't tell the others?"

You stared at the tea in your cup before raising your eyes to meet Sirius' grey ones which were wide, a grin on his face.

"I guess that would work too?"

"Yeah... anyway on a totally unrelated note, Marlene's visiting her family tomorrow night at like 7."

"Noted."

"Where's my bloody tea, Y/N!" The blonde in question strode into the kitchen sluggishly. "I swear you've been in here for 4 hours making it."

"If you were a little more patient, Mar, I was just about to bring it out for you." You rolled your eyes but handed the mug over to her anyway.

"Thanks, how're you two feeling this morning?"

"Rough." Sirius grunted out as the three of you headed back into the living room. "But what's new there, really?!"

"You should really try cut back on your drinking, Pads." Remus mentioned, taking the cup of tea from you with a smile.

"You should cut back on your chocolate."

"Chocolate doesn't give you hangovers." Remus countered with a smirk causing Sirius to just roll his eyes as he sunk down into an armchair.

"Either way, I hope Lils and James are having fun." Marlene stretched out on the other sofa, placing her legs over your own. "I know James will be with the things Y/N and I packed as a surprise in Lily's bags."

You snorted into your cup as you remembered the countless lacy items you'd snuck into Lily's normally conservative wardrobe.

"Well, James might be happy about what you packed, but he certainly won't be happy with what we packed." Sirius snickered as Remus held back a laugh.

"What did you do?!"

"We might've exchanged his entire bag of clothes for an entire bag of Cornish Pixies." Sirius grinned. "I'm already expecting a howler from Lily at some point in the near future."

Sirius didn’t have to wait long for Lily’s reaction as only moments later he heard an angry shout through his two way mirror he shared with James.

As planned, Marlene visited her family the next day and no later after she flooed away, Sirius appeared at the front door of your flat. The same happened after Marlene was picked by Dumbledore for an order mission and Sirius happily flooed into your flat only moments later. You were convinced he’d bugged your flat somehow.

James and Lily returned from their honeymoon a week later, effectively surprising you as they flooed into your flat with no warning, causing you to stuff a naked Sirius into your closet. It was safe to say he wasn’t impressed after Lily insisted she make a pot of tea to ‘catch up’, and ended up staying round for several hours.

You barely managed to hide the snicker which escaped your lips when James asked if you knew where Sirius was.

With the newly married pair being back, the two of you decided to come up with a plan as how to sneak around without the others knowing.

Somehow, it didn’t really go to plan.

Sirius insisted that you should come over and take a bath with him one night, especially as Remus was due to be out. You couldn’t help but agree to the idea, mostly because you got to spend time with your very sexy male friend who looked very good in bubbles... and also the fact his bathtub was a lot better than your own.

The bathtub in question was a massive claw-foot tub which could fit the two of you and your two roommates if you so desired. Compared against the shitty little tub Marlene and you had in your flat, it was a no brainer.

Which is why as you sat in between Sirius’ legs, your back against his chest, you couldn’t help but feel more relaxed than you had done all week.

Sirius was leant back against the tub, his arm around your waist with a glass of Firewhiskey in his other hand. The two of you had nicked this particular bottle from James’ ‘secret stash’ which everyone knew he hid under his cloak, under the stairs. It was all too easy for the two of you to sneak in and borrow it for the time being.

“You know, Prongs must be real blind if he can’t see how many people actually know about his hiding spots.” You snickered as you took the glass from Sirius and took a sip.

“I think it might be all the brain damage after getting hit in the head so many times.” He grinned.

“How long do you think it’ll be until he notices the actual bottle being gone? A few days?”

“Give him some credit, it’ll be at least a week.”

The two of you chuckled before you heard the fireplace roar with flames. Footsteps quickly made their way towards Sirius’ room before heading towards the bathroom.

A panicked look between the two of you was exchanged as a knock was heard on the door.

“Pads? It’s me, I’m coming in.”

Sirius quickly took the glass of Firewhiskey back from you as you dived underwater, praying the bubbles would cover up the fact you were there.

The door opened and James stepped in about to say something, before he stopped and observed the scene before him. Sirius was sat covered in bubbles with candles lit around him. Despite the calm expression on his face, the fact you were lying between his legs in the water had his heart racing.

“Did you need something, Prongs?”

“Uh, yeah, have you seen the bottle of Firewhiskey which I was given as a gift for my wedding?” James asked, very obviously looking at the opened bottle on the side of the bath.

“Didn’t even know you got given one, mate. This was from Y/N.”

“And if I ask her, will she give me the same story?”

“Positively. Anything else?”

“Yeah, you want to order some Chinese?”

“I mean I- NO!”

His outburst was a surprise to both James and himself after you had pinched him underwater signalling you were running out of air.

“Really? Lily’s got me on this diet and-”

“James! Get out!”

“Fine! Okay! No need to shout at me, I’ve seen you in weirder scenarios.”

James left and shut the door behind him just as soon as you jolted up, gasping for breath.

“I’m sorry, he wouldn’t leave! He wanted to ask me if I fancied some Chinese.”

“Chinese?” You asked, turning to look at him over your shoulder with a contemplative look on your face. “I could go for some chow mein.”

“Prongs!” Taking a deep breath, you disappeared underwater again just before James appeared once more. “I’ll have a large chow mein, sweet and sour chicken, some of those prawn cracker things and the spring rolls.”

“Spring rolls? I swear only Y/N likes them.”

“Thought I’d try them out since as she’s always yapping on about them.”

“Alright, back in a bit.”

James left and shut the door again. You emerged from the water, leaning back on Sirius again as he relayed off what he’d ordered.

“You ordered me spring rolls?!”

“Yeah, I remembered you liked them.” Sirius shrugged, wrapping his arm around your waist again. “Even if they taste like arse.”

The group had gathered at Marlene and Y/N’s for an evening where despite Lily’s constant health kicks, she relented into ordering pizza for the group.

“Hey, you guys will never guess what I found out today.” Marlene grinned.

“You’re secretly a guy?” Sirius snickered from the armchair, only to receive a cushion being thrown at his face by the blonde.

“No,” Marlene scowled at him, “Alice and Frank got engaged!”

“What?! How’d you find out?” Lily asked as she cuddled up to James in the other armchair.

“I ran into Alice at Headquarters earlier and she showed me her ring.” Marlene leant back into the sofa as she brought her legs up to lay them over Remus’ lap. “We best be getting ready for another wedding soon.”

“I’m sure we’ll hear more at the meeting tomorrow.” James said grinning. “Who knew Longbottom had it in him?!”

“Alice certainly did.” You snickered, leaning onto Remus’ other shoulder. The comment got another round of chuckles from everyone present as Lily shot you a less than impressed look.

“Alright, I say let’s call it a night if we have to be at the meeting early tomorrow morning.” The redhead rolled her eyes at you all before standing up and brushing her dress down.

Everyone else seemed to follow her lead as Marlene and you stood to show everyone out.

“Yeah, I need to sleep as much as I can with Moony’s snoring keeping me up all night.” Sirius grinned, stepping up beside you and Remus.

What no one expected to happen was for Sirius to dip and find your lips in a kiss, his hand wrapping around the back of your neck to pull you closer, just as he had done for the last few weeks.

The rest of the group stood with slack jaws as they took in the scene before them as they watched Sirius kiss you. Pulling away, you caught each other’s eyes as realisation set in and your own eyes went wide.

“Marls,” Sirius shook off his slight hesitation before heading straight over to Marlene and pulling her in for a kiss of her own. “Lily.”

Stepping forward to give Lily a kiss goodbye, Sirius couldn’t help but notice the wide eyed look from both James at kissing his wife and Remus at kissing his sister.

“Pleasure to spend time with you all.” Sirius grinned at everyone’s expressions before entering the fireplace to floo back to his own flat.

“What the hell was that?!” Remus asked with wide eyes, securely on you.

“Probably some leftover greeting from Lily and James’ wedding. Lils did have some french cousins, perhaps he picked it up from them?” You chuckled, trying to play down the laugh you so wanted to let out.

“Yeah, it did feel french.” Marlene snickered. “I’m not sure if I feel happy about saying that I’ve kissed Sirius Black though.”

“Well, he can keep his lips to himself and not on my wife.” James scowled at the fireplace where Sirius had disappeared moments before.

HP Taglist:

@ochrythum @hahee154hq @loonyslytherin @fleur-tysworld @la3divine @fiantomartell

Permanent Taglist:

@whatthefuckimbisexual

#sirius black x reader #sirius black imagine #sirius black headcanon #friends au #sirius black x you #sirius black #harry potter #remus lupin x reader #marlene mckinnon x reader #lily evans x reader #james potter x reader #sirius black series #harry potter imagine #harry potter series #remus lupin imagine #harry potter headcanon #james potter imagine

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planetdemon · 3 years

Text

I just wanted to be a swan

pairing: bang chan x reader

genre: angst, fluff, but mostly angst

warnings: low self-esteem, body hate/dislike, eating disorders, swearing, food, insecurities, arguing DONT READ IF YOU DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH IT!

wc: 2.003

note: so this scenario has been going through my head for quite a while now, and I tried writing it by myself lol. Hope it's good ;) I've also sent a request to @channienet about the same topic, so make sure to check her interpretation out as well! enjoy!

summary: Due to Chan's heavy working schedule, spending time alone was a thing you couldn't quite befriend with, especially after you've noticed some changes you have gone through. There is a to change it, but it isn't quite... let's say healthy. How will Chan react, after he finds out? Will he even care? (dude I'm shit at writing summary lol)

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Taking a bath was normally something that should be considered relaxing or calming. You've always enjoyed letting the hot water surround your body whilst taking all the dirt and negativity off that you have collected during stressful days at work.

But lately, taking a bath wasn't as enjoyable anymore as it once was. Chris has been working a lot lately, due to the kingdom stage and their nearing comeback. He has been spending more and more time at the company, working on producing new tracks for him and the kids, often staying at the dorms because they were closer to the studio than the apartment you shared. So you were left alone, by yourself.

Even though you wished he would be by your side while you were falling asleep, you couldn't be mad at him. You knew what his work meant to that boy and you would never tell him to stop doing what he loves just so you could spend some time together.

But being alone also meant that you had to kill the boredom somehow and, thanks to Felix's Brownie and Cookie recipes, you had the perfect thing to do in the meantime. Baking and eating delicious desserts.

You were just stepping out of the bathtub, grabbing the towel you had prepared, and drying yourself with it. Once your body was half-dried, you turned around to hang the towel back at the hanger, so it could dry properly.

And at that moment, you knew, you've fucked up. You couldn't avoid looking at your wet, naked body in the hot, steamy mirror near the hangers.

You always hated looking at it, but thanks to the sweets you had been eating lately, looking at yourself only made you feel sicker than it ever did.

You couldn't tear your gaze off the excess of flesh around your tummy and thighs and the stretch marks, that decored your boobs only seemed to scream "Look at me!". You slowly turned around and saw the tiger stripes creeping up your bum and the undersides of your arms.

'Fucking disgusting', that little voice in your head sneered.

'How could I let this come this far?', you thought. At this point, you were somehow happy Chris wasn't here, knowing he would be disgusted with how you've changed.

You've always felt a bit insecure by his side, knowing you could catch up with neither his attractiveness nor his muscular godlike body. But seeing yourself like this destroyed every little self-esteem you had left in your cells.

It has been nearly two months since 'the incident' in the bathroom and you couldn't shake that feeling of disgusts off. Not even for one second.

You only wanted to try a one-week detox diet that was blowing up all over social media, hoping you could lose a little bit of weight, so you would be back to normal. But seeing the numbers on the scale dropping so unbelievably quickly only made you realize that you could look even better than you thought you could.

You kept on following the diet and restricting everything that wasn't included, not noticing that restricting also damaged your mind.

One time, Han and Felix asked you if you wanted to have lunch with them and the others, but fear crept up you back as soon as you thought about the food they would have ordered, knowing that you would only gain weight again if you didn't follow the rules.

So you stayed home, keeping yourself isolated from your friends and most importantly, Chan.

You were lying on my bed, scrolling through Tumblr when Chris' Caller ID showed up and your phone started to ring. You sighed lowly, not wanting to talk to him.

Over the past few months, you stopped showing up at the studio, being afraid the boys would notice the changes your body went through, thanks to the diet. You were happy about it, knowing that you were losing weight, but you haven't reached my goal. You were afraid, they would judge you the way you did when you looked at yourself.

"Chris?"

"y/n? Han just told me that you weren't coming over. Are you okay? Y-" Chris's muffled voice appeared and you felt instant regret deep in your guts, knowing how much fun you guys had when you spent time together back in the days.

"Yeah, I'm okay Channie, don't worry. I just feel a little sleepy. I'll come next time. Promise" You tried your best to sound optimistic or at least not too sad, hoping Chris would believe your lie. "Okay," he mumbled, "I love you, baby girl".

You knew you were in big troubled the second Chris opened the fridge, seeing no food in there.

He randomly decided to stay over the weekend, saying that he missed you. You weren't ready for this, knowing that you couldn't hide the signs of the 'passion' you had developed in time.

"Why is there no food?" You fumbled with the arms of Chris sweater you were wearing while looking at the ground. "I've forgotten to go grocery shopping" You answered.

"But there is nothing in there, y/n. Nothing" He walked over and took hold of your cold hands while looking you straight in the eyes.

"Why is there no food?" Chris asked again.

"I just told you I forgot to go grocery shopping, Chan. Relax" You snapped back, getting anxious about the fact that he could notice something.

You were nearing your goal, even though you knew that you could never be satisfied with how you looked. He couldn't just come over and ruin all the progress you've made after being not here for so long. He doesn't have the right to do this.

"Don't fuck around, y/n. You always have at least some butter in your house. Where is the butter? Where is Ramen? You must have some food here!"

Your body started to shake as you heard his voice rise, keeping your gaze low, not daring to look him in the eyes right now. He was right.

You always had something at home, so you could quickly cook something when you were hungry. But you didn't saw a point in keeping food at home if you wouldn't eat it anyway. It would just rot.

"Y/n look at me" he whispered, after realizing that you were trembling. Chris gently grabbed your chin to make you look up at him. You were expecting to see anger, but the only thing you saw in his brown orbs was sadness.

You started to tear up after you noticed it, knowing that he put one and one together. You missing out on lunch with the boys, you not showing up at the studio to bring him food and spend with him there, listening to his tracks, you not having any food at home. It was obvious, but you still hoped he wouldn't notice.

Chris slowly took you in his arms, noticing how your figure felt smaller and bonier than before. It made him sick, knowing what you did to yourself. 'Why would my girl do something like this?' he thought 'how could my little princess torture herself this much?' But he couldn't find a 'because'.

In his eyes, you were the best thing that happened to him. You were the prettiest girl on earth. Warm tears were running down his pale cheeks, dropping to the floor.

He couldn't stop blaming himself for what you did. Maybe if he would have been there, he could have stopped you. Maybe if-

"Channie?" You quietly asked, looking up at his tear-stained cheeks. "Channie why are you crying? We can go to the store and grab something if you want. You don't-"

"Why have you been doing this to yourself, y/n?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why haven't you been eating"

Well, shit.

"What are you talking about, Channie?"

"Don't fucking lie to me, it's too obvious for you to do so. Why haven't you been eating?"

"I... I, I'm pressured Chan" You answered, knowing that he wouldn't believe you if you would tell him otherwise. Telling him the truth was the only option at this point, even though you didn't want to.

"Pressured?"

"Yes"

"Princess, I don't understand what you mean by that"

You shook your head and let go of him, before walking over to the couch and sitting down with a low sigh. "Maybe you shouldn't understand," I said.

"Jesus, y/n" I heard him mutter under his breath. He walked over and sat on the floor, in front of you, looking at you with a scared expression.

"Please tell me what's in that pretty little head of yours. I can see that you have lost weight, but I don't understand why. I mean, you are the prettiest human I have ever seen in my whole life, why would you do something like that?"

"Why do you even care? It's not like you here anyway" you simply said, grabbing your phone, trying to ignore him.

After he noticed your intentions, he quickly took your phone out of your hands, placing it on the coffee table behind him.

"Hey! Give me my phone back, you dump a-"

"Fucking stop it, y/n. Stop ignoring me. I care for you because I love you! You are my everything and I know I haven't been home lately, but at least I tried making time for you and inviting you to the studio", he said, "but you never came! Don't act like it's only my fault we haven't seen each other."

You looked at him with wide eyes, shaking your head. He was right, it was also your fault. And you hated the fact that he was right. "I-"

"Please y/n, please stop turning away from me and closing up. I-I know it's not easy to open up, but I'm here for you. I'll always be."

"Well, I... I couldn't, no, I can't feel happy when I look like this, Channie. I mean, look at you, look at your perfect body and your perfect personality and your perfect everything! I don't fit in. I don't fit in, because I am the ugly duck surrounded by beautiful swans. I just... wanted to be a beautiful swan, Channie."

That's it. You've made it. You've told him what was going through your mind all the time.

He slowly pulled you off the couch, into his lap. He could feel your seat humps against his thighs, how bony and strong they were. Chris shook his head in disbelieve, another wave of sadness crushing over him.

"You are perfect, baby girl. You are perfect in every single way. You always were the most beautiful swan I have ever seen in my entire life. I love everything about you, y/n. I love how your thighs wiggle whenever you run towards me when we meet, I love how curves look in that dress I brought you a year ago, I love how your stretch marks are decorating your body like silverish paint. I don't want you to change for me, because you are perfect the way you are. Jesus, even Hyunjin said you are even prettier than himself, and that means a lot. Please don't hurt yourself like this, princess. You are destroying yourself"

He took hold of your hands and kissed your palm.

"I promise I'll stop working so much, so I can spend more time with my beautiful girlfriend, but please... stop hurting yourself" he whispered, searching for any signs of discomfort in your eyes. But you just set in his lap and listened to him.

"Hyunjin thinks I'm prettier than him?" you asked awkwardly.

Chris chuckled and nodded "Is this the only thing that got stuck in your pretty little head?" He asked.

You smiled a bit, leaning your forehead against his while closing your eyes. "I'll try to get better, Chris" you whispered.

It wouldn't be an easy journey going back to 'normal. Once the hole is there, digging is difficult. But it is possible, especially if someones helping you.

#bang chan imagines #bang chan angst #bang chan fluff #bang chan images #skz imagines #skz chan #skz angst #stray kids x reader #bang chan x reader #bang chan x you #stray kids angst #stray kids imagines #stray kids fanfic #bangchan fanfic #fanfic #x you #x reader

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starryyyjoon · 3 years

Text

I, you | Kim Namjoon One Shot

word count: 8.2k

pairing: idol!namjoon x fem reader

summary: namjoon meets you again and he can't help but want you to look at him the same way he has all these years.

disclaimer: it's sort of written from y/n pov. kind of smut included, not too much but still. other then that, i don't think there's anything. it was written a long time ago so i don't clearly remember, sorry!

Namjoon walked in, followed by a few staff members and they occupied the empty chairs on the conference table and I smiled at him and the others. He looked great like always, he was in a navy blue hoodie and a khaki colored trouser, with his hair pushed backwards exposing his forehead.

There was something and nothing between me and him and it was too tiring to play pretend. "You look good", he remarked and I smiled at him. He's always being too kind, I looked like absolute shit, I hadn't slept in three days and my clothes were whatever was in my reach that I'd put on after showering and I rushed here.

I had met him before this level of success but I was merely an assistant director myself and we'd talked about Monet and his work together, he'd similar interests to mine but both of us didn't really get anywhere because of our timing and I believed it was for the good. He'd always expressed how he liked my vision and wants to work with me on something and I didn't believe my vision because what even was my vision that he could see and not me and after being this big I didn't really thought he'll even remember me until he hit my phone one day and here I was, at the label's office to discuss the details of his mixtape's music video.

"So, do you've something in mind?", I asked him and he pressed his back on the chair letting out a yawn, he seemed tired.

"Not really! I want it simplistic and not too hard to understand. I haven't thought about it or anything so I don't know, I would await what you propose", he softly said.

"I haven't heard the track because of--", he intervened, "--ah you haven't? You should hear it first", he said and I nodded.

"I would need to hear it", I told him, thinking about the lengthy talks with the illustrator already.

The staff then pin pointed about the budget, the do nots and other details and two of my team members who were seated beside me talked thoroughly in detail about the technicalities. Namjoon looked bored with all the talk that didn't interest him. He wasn't much different from before slightly bigger.

All of us stood up coming to an agreement when Namjoon asked me to walk up to his studio to hear the track and I asked my team members to go ahead first. I walked through the dark corridor behind him while he talked to someone on the phone, all the way to his studio. I didn't really hear what he was talking because I was invested in staring around the place like I hadn't seen a building before.

The walls were all dark and a comforting shade since I didn't like the sun anyway. It seemed like a night mode in real life.

His studio was the corner most, he typed the passcode in and stood aside gesturing for me to walk in, followed by him. He hung up the phone call and put his phone aside, switching the AC on. He sat behind the monitor while he switched it on and I went through my inbox.

"So, how have you been?", his deep tone, made me look up and I fidgeted to put my eyes on something other then him while he turned his chair around to face me.

"I have been okay-ish, like the projects I'm doing I'm satisfied with them so I guess it's kinda okay", I said and regretted it immediately, I don't even talk like this and he knows it.

"Not the work c'mon, you, your boyfriend, family, other things?", a lose smile hung on his lips and I looked at him. How can someone look like that?

"No boyfriend because you know no one can put up with this profession. I haven't slept in three days so I'm fucking annoyed and the work is too much that I don't have time for other things", I shrugged and he chuckled. I didn't want to think about guys, I barely had time for myself. Filmmaking was a time bound profession.

"I relate, trust me I do", he turned his chair back around, his eyes on the computer screen and I looked at him. I could see why he could relate, I mean of course he didn't had time either. I knew idol schedules enough to know how these things go. "Why didn't you come that day?", he asked me and my insides twisted.

"I was hoping you don't bring it up", I said in a small voice.

"Why not? I waited for you", he said without looking at me and I threw my head back on the couch thinking of the time when he'd asked me out officially and I didn't make it. "At least I deserve to know what was more important that you didn't make it", he looked at me and I closed my eyes shut.

"I had a flight, I got an exclusive food show travel experience with discovery and it was too good for an opportunity to miss", I let it out and took a breath in. I knew I could never leave work for a guy, any guy, or anyone as a matter of fact and as much as I'd thought about it on the plane...it all seemed for the better. He wasn't the kind of guy I could've had my regular thing with and I was too young to be serious.

"It was a good show", he told me. I could feel his eyes on me and I didn't flinch. I didn't regret it but his words made me feel guilty. My head was on the headrest of the sofa I sat on and my eyes were closed. My subconscious could feel his curious gaze on me.

"Look away Namjoon", I said and I could feel his gaze was still on me.

"Why didn't you call me when you got back?", he asked me and I looked at him.

"I didn't because our cultures differ, everything is poles apart--what's the point of discussing it now?", I asked him, slightly annoyed. He and I separately needed to focus on our careers and he knew it too damn well.

"Okay", he turned around again as his monitor showed a circle indicating that the programme he'd launched was loading. "It does makes me feel better that my better position in life doesn't changes your opinion on me. Quiet comforting", he said, with a hint of sarcasm in his voice but I chose to ignore it. The last thing I'd be doing is fueling this feeling in him by discussing this useless thing which wouldn't make any difference whatsoever.

"Is this the reason you wanted me to do this project with you?", I asked him and he swiftly turned his chair around.

"No, I don't take all this for granted. I love the stuff you do. I'm pretty updated thanks to how active you're on your social media", he smiled and I couldn't shook the thought of seeing my psychotic episodes on my Instagram, Twitter...everywhere. I'm pretty weird out there.

"I love it, the stories", he flased his dimple smile before turning his chair around again and I felt his warmth, like he meant what he said.

For a second I was taken aback with how tall he was from me and how good he looked, he'd always looked good but he was more mature now and much more reserved. "I'll be calling you often because I won't send it for pre-production without your say on the concept", I told him.

"I'll look forward to a lot of calls", he said. "I'm sorry this is taking a while", he added quickly and for some reason I couldn't look away from him, whose back was visible to me.

"No, take your time", I said, crossing my arms against my chest. I really wished he was a regular guy just making music but then I didn't. I wouldn't want someone to wish that for me. He'd earned all of it and I knew it.

"Look away ___", he said slowly. I could feel his grin through his words and I looked away shaking my head right and left softly. "It's, yeah it's playing", he turned around as the music filled in the empty atmosphere.

It was a slow song with a really fast rap. It was how Namjoon was, he contradicted himself too much. I instantly knew it was his writing from the way the words went and the wordplay came into role. I couldn't help but analyze the song because I was supposed to shoot and sketch a music video for it and at times like this I didn't really get to enjoy the art for the art and I hated it.

"How was it?", he asked me, his eyes fixated on me as the music faded. I wanted it to last.

"The only problem with it is that it ends", I flashed a smlie at him and he shook his head throwing it back.

"That's too corny even for you", Namjoon rolled his eyes but I was being serious. "You know I appreciate heavy critics", he said.

"I didn't find anything to criticize, the writing is great, the composition fits and it has a catchy vibe to it. I think I would listen a song like that on a drive or something? In your case a bicycle but yeah! It's a good song", I summarized my opinion. "Do you like want a trendy video?", I asked him.

"Anything that you want to do with it", he said and I gently nodded. Since it was given to me, I couldn't stop thinking about what to do with it.

"Can you stop thinking about it while you're with me ___?", he chuckled and I looked at him taken aback for a second and then nodded with a soft smile pasted on my lips.

"Your fashion sense has improved", I remarked.

"You look casual", he teased me.

"I, I've no fashion sense. I just wear whatever is there", I told him.

"I don't think so, your Instagram says different", he said.

"It's for the show Namjoon", I said.

"You're really not the type to do that, please don't deceive me", he beamed before he turned his chair around again to minimize the current tabs on the computer.

"You're the last person I'd be deceiving--", my words were cut from an incoming call from one of the producers of one of the shows I was working on. "I need to take this", I told him and answered the call while he just gave me a gentle nod in response.

The producer had informed me about the issues related to casting and the final draft of the script and I knew I had to go.

"Guess I'll see you later, bye", Namjoon said warmly as he smiled at me. The thing was he just knew and that always stuck somewhere.

"Bye", I left.

________________

"I, for one, disagree. C'mon how do you even call it an end?", I threw my hands in the air as we discussed it for the millionth time. I liked Su-ho but his thoughts on GOT made me want to kill him. He is the only person I knew who was satisfied with how it ended.

"I think it was okay, c'mon, you have to consider that the novels didn't end and as compared to that I think it was pretty good", Su-ho claimed while he sat on the bean bag in front of me, pushing it comfortably.

"Don't even start with the novels--", my words were interrupted with the sound of the doorbell, "--they didn't even do a good job interpreting it and I am offended by that. Look there novels", I pointed at my bookshelf, showing him my GOT collection which he knew as I opened the door and my head bumped against Namjoon's chest as he took a step in.

He chuckled as he held the back of my head with one hand and pressed my forehead with the other and rubbed it gently to ease the pain.

"What's uh, what's that? Is it iron", I mocked, pointing at his chest while he let me go from his grip and took his shoes off.

"It can be", he said. "But why were you jumping around so enthusiastically?", he asked me as he seated on the couch in front of Su-ho, as he greeted him and Su-ho greeted him back.

"Game of Thrones heavy discussions", I sighed. "This is Su-ho who's illustrating the storyboard", I told Namjoon.

Su-ho was starstruck and it seemed like it'd take him a good minute to recover and Namjoon was obviously used to it. I didn't call him at the office because a lot of people would want to see him then and it could be exhausting plus he'd a time limit on his hands.

"You know him, ___?", Su-ho widened his eyes at me and I nodded, suppressing my laughter seeing his chaotic ass behave like this.

"A little", I said and I could feel Namjoon's gaze on me. "Maybe a lot", I rephrased. I could see by the way Su-ho looked at me that he needed answers. "Coffee?", I asked Namjoon.

"Oh yeah", he replied and I stood up. "I've thought of two concepts, Su-ho please brief him on it and if you want anything differently Namjoon, you can tell him", I told him as I marched towards the kitchen.

Should I use the regular coffee mugs or should I use the better ones? I mean it doesn't matter anyway but still, it kind of does? I don't know. It just comes to me, the over thinking.

Ah.

I could hear him and Su-ho talking about the concepts faintly and I was low-key proud because I did work hard on them. I opened the cabinet to take out the better coffee mugs.

This is what happens when you stop drinking milk and stop growing up. I rested my hands on the kitchen pavement thinking about how many shoes with heels I'd because of my height.

I wasn't very short but I wasn't my desired height too. It was sad. I was the right person to sell the tonics concerning height because my insecurity would make me buy it. I exhaled heavily and turned around to find Namjoon behind me.

"Let me", my hips pressed against the marble pavement while his body gently pressed against my front, I could spot the mole on his neck while he calmly took the box of mugs out. "Okay?", he whispered softly and I looked on without responding.

"Thanks", I told him, hoping he'd get away from me because this had me feeling some type of way. I won't admit what type of way. That makes it worse.

"Anytime", he clicked his lips, taking a few steps back as I stirred the coffee and poured it in three cups. Should've used regular ones.

"I like the quotes on that wall", he said as I handed him his cup, taking the other two. A wall of my house was covered in post-it notes and other stuff. Some print outs of Van Gogh and Frida's works alongside other things.

"Yeah that? Thanks", I said, as I gave the cup to Su-ho. "Did you decide on something?", I asked, as I sat down and Namjoon just beside me.

"Yeah, the first one. It was kind of okay, he made some alterations so I would send it to you by...maximum tomorrow", Su-ho told me. "But why did you call him here for just this?", he asked me.

"You seem so concerned about his whereabouts", I glared Su-ho . "I told him I could just email him but he insisted on doing it in person", I looked at Namjoon who took a long sip from his coffee.

"Yeah I did, don't worry I was absolutely free", Namjoon smiled at Su-ho and I could see Su-ho fanboy-ing.

"You're so in line today", I pressed my words.

"Shut up", Su-ho eyed me. I wrapped my hands around the coffee mug feeling its warmth.

After I talked to Namjoon for a while about the shoot and he explained to me about their company procedure and how they usually did things. I didn't like doing music videos or commercials, there's a lot of time you're bound by what the music video demands and you've to stick with that so that was that. I usually preferred either cinema like movies or dramas, I hadn't done much but I had done a few and travel shows were my preference.

"I'll see you next time then", Su-ho politely remarked looking at Namjoon and he smiled and gently bowed his head. I walked with him up-to the door. "I didn't, what the hell, you could've given me a heads up?", Su-ho whispered slowly to me as I leaned against the door.

"I didn't knew you were a fan", I said and he playfully hit me on my arm.

"I still can't believe it, you've to answer my hot questions next time", he said and I nodded.

"Okay okay", I closed the door shut behind me, taking a seat on the far side of the sofa me and Namjoon were seated on. He was scanning my bookshelf and I was looking at him.

"Literally 70% of it is fiction", he said. I read a lot of fiction and he read a lot of nonfiction.

"You should read fiction", I said and he looked at me slightly pissed.

"I do read fiction just not thar much", he pointed at my bookshelf. "If you've to recommend one, shoot", he said.

"Recommend, uh, the secrets of happiness", I said randomly and his face sunk in annoyance. "It's not a book talking about literal secrets of happiness, it has a story", I told him.

"Ah okay...I will try reading that. Let me take your copy", he said.

"No", I said back in a split second.

"I won't lose it, c'mon, ___", he said. I couldn't believe his testimony on not losing it.

"Fine, but it's annotated. You'll owe me big time if you lose it", I said and he nodded vigorously.

"Your place is great", he said looking around the house and I couldn't see why, I mean yeah maybe but not that I find it great if I think from his point of view.

"I'm barely here anyway. I pay rent for no reason", I kept the empty mug in my hand on the glass table in front of us.

"That was your friend though, Su-ho?", Namjoon asked as he kept his cup, followed by me.

"Oh yeah! I met him for work but then it's been a while since I know him, it's been years actually and he's a friend now", I said thinking about Su-ho. I don't know why I bothered explaining. It's been a good five years since Namjoon and I hadn't been in touch and there was a little catching up to do.

"You've always had a lot of friends, don't you", he sighed as he sat cross legged on the sofa facing me. I do have plenty friends honestly.

"Kind of", I shrugged. His gaze on me made me sit back in a more cautious way as I fixed my posture. "Namjoon...", I called out his name when the doorbell rung and I was irritated. "Give me a second", I stood up and walked up-to the main door.

It was my neighbor who's mother had left their house keys with me and he was here to take it back. He thanked me for keeping it and walked up to his own flat which was in front of mine.

I closed the door shut and Namjoon was standing by the balcony seeing a cactus I had grown since I couldn't grow any other plant because I was never home to take care of them in case.

"It's cute", he said as he picked the potted plant and stared at it for a little while and I stood behind him and watched him see it.

"You know your pupils dilate when you see plants", I said and he smiled to himself. He kept the cactus back in its resting place and stared at me. "What?", I asked him.

"You were going to say something", he said, his voice sounded deeper then usual for a second and I licked my bottom lip in haste.

"Oh that, you know the alterations you made? I will directly mail it to the staff and maybe cc you because it won't need a second check anyway. I've to get this done a little early since I've--", he turned towards me and I took a step back but there was barely any space and my back was pressed against the wall, "--what is it?", I asked but it came out as a whisper.

"Here", he dragged his index finger across my bottom lip and there was something on my lip. I didn't really see what was on there because of his presence so close to me. My heartbeat had fastened and I could feel it. Something I didn't want to feel.

"Thanks, I guess", I said slowly and he flashed his dimple smile at me and in that moment he seemed the opposite of the dominant he was a few seconds ago.

"Do you know you look really good?", he said, as his fingers ran across my ear touching the piercings one by one. I regretted having three all of a sudden. "And I didn't intended to do this but ___ I uh", he bent over a little, his lips a few inches away from my ear and his breath was falling on my neck.

"Namjoon", I said, trying to not look at him. I knew damn well I couldn't be able to control myself.

"Hmm", his voice was so small and I could feel goosebumps all over my neck. His gaze on me was strong and I had jitters in my stomach.

"I, uh--let's not okay", I put my hands on his shoulder as he pulled me more closer with a jolt and I gasped.

"Do you really not want to?", he asked me. It was a while since I was in this close proximity of someone like this but my subconscious kept telling me not to. "I don't understand what you find so undesirable about me", he took a few steps back and looked away.

What?

"Do you think I find you undesirable?", I asked him, pressing my lips suppressing my smile. I couldn't get how could he change roles in a span of few seconds.

"Yeah, it's pretty evident really", he sighed, looking at the the far side of the sky at the horizon and I saw him sulking.

"It's not that, are you fucking dumb? It's just you know you shouldn't start things you can't take care of", I said. For some reason I've always felt a little hesitant with him. "But you're desirable enough", I added.

"Sudden validation from you, ah", he clicked his lips in mockery and I felt bad. The last thing I wanted was to look like I was playing hard to get. I didn't feel competent enough in my heart. "Let me kiss you", he said, taking a few steps closer breaking the chain of my thoughts and I hated being so much in control and feeling a little out of place.

I was back to where I was a few seconds ago, me cornered and he put his lips on mine and my body automatically responded. He took over me in a second. My hands rested on his back and clutched the fabric. His hands travelled below my hips as he pulled me upwards and my legs wrapped around his waist. He didn't stop kissing me for one second and I didn't want him to, as he pressed his mouth harder on mine and I bit back a moan. I could feel the heat in my body and every vein seemed to electrify. He walked me up-to my bedroom like he knew which suddenly felt foreign to me as he laid me on the bed, breaking the kiss and I was breathless, panting for air.

I didn't had any resort in me to stop. I didn't want him to stop. I couldn't care more about whatever that had me concerned for a while. He watched me look at him and his lips curved in a smirk. "Should I stop?", he teased me taking a seat on the edge of the bed and I looked away from him to the right side, scoffing.

I pushed myself up, my hands at the hem of the lose white t-shirt I'd on and for a second I hesitated at the fact that he must've seen better flesh than mine but I pulled it upwards exposing myself in front of him as his eyes went everywhere. "Do you want to stop?", I asked him, as I crawled over to him. He didn't object as I sat on his lap and took his face in my hands. I looked in his eyes. He looked beautiful. I traced the outline of his skull, his jaw as I pushed his hair locks that were on his forehead behind. "Do you want to stop Namjoon?", I asked him again as he held me tight, giving me my answer.

He tugged at my neck with his mouth leaving a trail of gentle kisses down and I could feel my nipples startlingly prominent beneath the black lightweight bra I had on. I clutched his hair as he bit my neck suddenly and I gasped.

He pushed me on to him, nearer but there was barely any space for me to come close and I could feel him all over. He messily kissed me before groping my bottom and I-I cut a breath in. He would take turns and be gentler a second and rough the another. "Namjoon", I called out gasping which fueled him even more. He looked at me and smiled proudly at how he had me without doing much.

He flicked the straps of my bra shoving it down exposing my breasts and I could feel my nipples harden to the point it was painful. I wanted him. I wanted him to touch me, more. The way my body responded to his touch was almost funny, how quick, how wet.

I patiently unbuttoned his shirt and stripped it off of him while he looked at me with a gaze I couldn't quite make anything of, he just looked at me while he let me work on him. My hands touched his chest and my eyes examined his torso, his skin was warm and his gaze on me gave me confidence like he wanted me back as much I wanted him.

I was forgetting my own desperation for his touch as my hand traveled behind his back, trailing down to his spine and he looked at me as he cut a sharp breath in and I felt good seeing him giving in to me. His arms surrounded mine unclasping my bra in a second and he threw it off on the floor.

I half expected him to grab me and grope my breast but he swept me in his arms as his vaguely pink mouth pressed against mine and instead of hastily grabbing me, his mouth simply rested against mine and it was worse, much more intoxicating. I, on instinct coiled my arms against his neck.

As my tongue demanded entrance and he smiled before letting me, and in a second, roles were reversed, the romantic was gone. He took control and pressed his mouth harder on me with his thumb and finger pressing my nipple and my nails dug deeper in his neck. "Joon...", I on instinct called out, as I gasped for breath but he didn't let me.

He was hard against me and I grinded next to him which seemed to please him while he left my mouth, burning with a wanting for more while my sex clenched as he took control of my body putting his arms around my back and they were free to go anywhere. I wouldn't dare stop him.

A second later, he laid me on the bed and hovered over me before taking my shorts off in a whirl and pushed my underwear off me that it didn't seem reusable. I anticipated his actions but he pushed a thumb into my bottom without no warning and I clutched the sheets, a yell escaping my mouth. My fingers curled meanwhile his other arm grabbed my breast cupping it and a second later his forefinger and middle finger slipped inside of me and my grip on the sheets tightened.

"Shh", he hissed in my ear and I hadn't realized a moan had escaped my mouth. My whole body rocked in less then a minute and I couldn't control my voice, I gasped for breath and I moaned even louder then before. "I didn't take you for a screamer ___", Namjoon seemed amused while embarrassment washed over me as I laid exposed in front of him.

"Let me go down on you", I told him and he looked taken aback as I pushed myself up.

"Do you really want to?", he asked and I shifted closer to him, placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

"I would love to", I told him. "Do you want me to?", I asked him.

"Yeah, I mean yeah", he said when his phone rang echoing in the room and his face flushed into irritation as he looked at me and I nodded gesturing him to take it. He took it out of his pocket and answered it. With every word he spoke, his irritation grew. He hung up the phone call. "Where's the wardrobe?", he asked me and my eyes pointed behind him.

Namjoon opened my wardrobe and took out a very lose t-shirt of his choice from my stack of comfortable clothes. He held my arms and slipped the t-shirt on me, pulling me close. He stroked my face and he smiled in my face which forced me to smile as well.

"Am I suppose to expect something from you or should I forget this?", I asked him as his fingers tucked the few strands of my hair behind my ear.

"You're supposed to expect everything, don't dare forget it", he whispered in my ear, nibbling on it and I couldn't help but giggle. "I want to talk to you but I've to go now and I hate it", he smiled at me.

"Okay, go", I told him and he chuckled before letting me off him and he wore his shirt back on.

After seeing him off and taking a shower, I laid back on the couch in the living room thinking about everything that had happened. I didn't regret it, I wasn't thinking much about it anyway.

The guys I'd sex with or made out with, I disliked them because of their narcissism. I appreciated my ability to find guys that were a-grade assholes. I've always had this feeling that I am lacking in some sense with other people. I look normal, like I should but I get this insecurity when taking my clothes off.

I didn't knew what Namjoon thought about it and asking him would be weird. No one who knows me like him would think I am this insecure or anxious about this stuff but then a major part of it has to do with my aura, I guess?

________________

I took a bite of the sandwich that I held in my hand as I walked around the second set just nearby to the first one. I stood afar, taking a good look, even though the storyboard fits the sights I still need to frame out a rough sketch work in my head.

I took another bite staring at the beach and the path to it and then back to the set that we'd build up by man power. It was pretty accurate in my eyes but I wanted to hear from my assistant director.

I took the walkie talkie out from the pocket of my denim and pressed the centre button, "Jae-chan, where are you?"

In a second he reverted, "Ah sunbae I am near the gripper".

"Come to the road that leads to the beach", I said, before shoving the walkie talkie down in my pocket.

The sea met the sky at the far point of the horizon and how the world is full of these illusions which are not real we know but we still believe. After all there's beauty in things that you don't get. Vastness maybe?

Sea and sky — the two melancholic blues.

"Sunbae?", Jae Chan broke the chain of my thoughts and I glanced at him before looking at the sea. His breath was heavy, I could tell he ran here.

"You could have walked, Chan-ah", I said, smiling. He was really young and passionate about filmmaking but also a little silly. He's cute.

"Ah it's okay. Did you need something?", he asked politely and I shook my head. I liked the input of many people on the same thing, it showed the number of opinions that could centre around one thing that you make in a different context which is then perceived in another.

"Do you think this is accurate in terms of the story board?", I asked him and he seemed lost in thought.

"I would say slightly better because the storyboard is still animation and this is real so I would say better. I'm pretty sure it'll be good sunbae", he told me and I could feel a smile flush on my lips. "You are nervous, aren't you?", he asked me.

"Yeah", I wrinkled my nose, turning around to walk off. I patted Jae Chan's back and he started walking with me.

"You don't have to be, and oh, he's here", he said assuring me and I knew who he meant by he.

My mind automatically went to the day in my apartment. Namjoon had messaged me after but he got busier with his work and I am not a text-er plus I'd a lot of things to do before I left Korea. It was, I didn't knew anything and I didn't want to think about it. I hoped he'd pretend nothing happened, please. But I knew he won't.

I sighed and as I entered the main set, around the vanity and food truck, the manager and Namjoon's staff members greeted me. After that, I mean impractically I wanted earth to open and swallow me. Living is hard anyway.

I'd a flight on the weekend, I'd to pack and I'd to get new boots but I'm just dumb because I'm trying to think of other things. I need a new nail paint, do I? I looked at my nails which were painted black. Maybe grey?

"Sunbae?", Jae Chan shook me and I looked at him. He gestured me to look up front and Namjoon was right there looking like Namjoon.

"Hi", I awkwardly waved at him.

"Hi", he flashed his dimple smile at me. His dimple smile hits me.

"You can get the makeup and hair done, I've a few things to recheck", I excused myself. This is awkward. This is so awkward. I hate it.

Even though I had that awkwardness lingering around but we were nearing to the end of the shoot which went really good because everyone worked so hard. It was mostly one-takes and the lighting supported the whole setting making it so easier for us to finish.

Moreover, it was a while since I had done a music video so it felt good being back on a set like this. Namjoon looked really good with the styling and although I knew the outfits pre-shoot, he still looked better then I'd imagined him to look which enhanced the whole vibe of the music video. He owned earthly tones.

That's why casting and styling is so important. Very much. Makes a gigantic difference.

"What's wrong with you?", I didn't notice he was standing next to me with a small fan in his hands while we prepped for the last shot.

"What's wrong with me?", I asked him, as I adjusted the frame in the main camera. I didn't want this conversation especially right now, especially here.

"I mean...you knowww?", I could feel his stare while I shifted the camera, something is wrong with this.

"I don't know", I said, without looking at him. I was unintentionally making him mad and nothing else.

"I was really scared that you'd say this and see, I mean, why can't you behave normal when I mention anything about us?", he hissed near me and I looked around. Luckily there was no one in our proximity to hear this conversation.

"I-I, Namjoon", I exclaimed, vaguely pointing at the setting hoping we could do this later and I could explain that I would love us but he needs to understand that I won't even be in Korea as much as he thinks I would be and that's why it won't work out.

"I don't care", he eyed me.

"I do. I care, okay? There's no us to begin with and I know I was stupid enough to ask you what I should expect out of, what would you call it, we made out. That's that", I tried being really slow and I could feel annoyance in his sight.

"Made out! Okay, okay fine. I can't believe I deal with you. You're the one who doesn't text or call or even respond to it and that's bare minimum ___", he pondered and I internally rolled my eyes.

I was leaving on the weekend. I was always leaving. That's it. "I don't have to and I have a life Namjoon. I've been working non stop all this time. I don't expect you to understand", I said, standing up from my seat while I called for the head DOP from the walkie talkie.

"You don't want to be understood ___", Namjoon said, grabbing me from my arm and stopping me. He wasn't wrong. A few eyes snapped and I forced a smile immediately. "I like you, I like you a lot. Deal with it", he walked past me.

Deal with it.

As if.

Very abruptly, the last shot rolled in and it was over. The music video was done in a day. It was originally a two day sketch but we had to narrow it down to one day because of Namjoon's schedule and it was worrisome because it did seem impossible but things went smoothly and it was successfully over.

I told Jae Chan to wrap the filming site, though most of it was done while I was present. I picked my bag from a table to leave, kept right ahead from the vanity. Namjoon had left, I guess. I wasn't sure because after the last shot he was angry. He had his jaw clenched all that time, he barely managed to keep it out on the music video.

He was like this, his anger was pretty evident and that hadn't changed.

I like you. I like you a lot.

I couldn't wrap my head around that thought. Did he like me all this time? It sounded pretty crazy to me. I had never thought about anything with Namjoon. He was a friend I could like but I didn't, I had never expected anything out of my acquaintance with him anyway.

"You ate?", his deep voice made me look at him who stood at the steps of the vanity. He hadn't left yet.

"No", I said. He had changed into his normal clothes, the makeup was gone but he still looked great. His natural complexion was shining as the set lights fell onto his face. It made me surer how Namjoon needed someone who could be there rather then somebody who's never there.

"Come eat something", he said calmly. He looked much composed then before.

"I am not hungry", I stated just when he darted towards me. He held me by my forearm, dragging me into the vanity which was empty except for us. A few dishes were laid out on the table in front of the small couch.

"Eat and leave", he said, taking a seat on one of the chairs in front of the mirrors fidgeting with his phone while I quietly sat on the couch. I just wanted it to be over but I'd no appetite so I kept staring at the couple of Italian dishes which were pasta, carbonara I guess, rissoto and also jjangmyeong. "Just eat anything ___", he said, without bothering to look at me.

"I don't really have an appetite", I said, throwing my head back and looking at the ceiling of the vanity.

"What you've is a habit of skipping meals", he eyed me.

I looked at him. "Do you remember everything? Like literally everything?", I asked him as curiosity brimmed in my eyes.

"You don't?", he asked me back. "Well, for me, yeah I do. I did remember every thing but I should probably forget now. I didn't really asked to work with you because I wanted something but I can't say I didn't hope", he locked his phone and kept it on the space in front him. "I mean, we did had something. We did have something a few days ago. You can't exactly call me a friend and I've never seen you as one. The moment you walked in trying to fix the mess on the set since then till now I can't say I didn't hope you'd look at me the same way", he said, bringing all the memories back alive, but it was true, I never looked at him the way he'd wanted me to, hell, I couldn't believe it one bit. "It's true", he said, as if he just read my mind.

It was, it didn't made sense to me. How could he? Why would he? I uh, I think shit's wrong with me because even now I can't seem to focus on someone who confessed their feelings and that someone being Namjoon from all people.

I remember when I was one of the assistant directors under the director for one of the most low-key and low budget project. They didn't had many resources and our firm wasn't doing well either. We always had to come up with hacks, unknown locations for shooting...it was always so hard. We didn't had any respect in the industry.

It was two companies in one boat at the end of bankruptcy and we were so young and such good friends. I knew the rest of the members too but I kind of had a certain vibe with Namjoon. He could get me without having to speak.

I locked at him, his face was fixated on me and I could like him, in fact I did love him not romantically, I just did. I had a lot of love for him. He was caring for the people around him and I loved talking to him. He never once made anyone feel like he was a celebrity back then and a global celebrity now well yeah. He did deserve someone who could be here for him.

He stood up and walked towards me and my eyes followed him. He took a seat next to me and I could see he picked a bowl up but I didn't see which one because I couldn't stop looking at him. Namjoon took a significant amount and extended it to me and I looked at the noodles for a second and then at him. He just nodded and I ate it.

It was good.

"Thanks", I said, wiping the corners of my mouth with my fingers.

"Do you want me to feed you all the way or can you eat your own?", he asked me.

"I will eat", I told him and he gave me the bowl so I could eat on my own. "You ate?", I asked him and he instantly nodded.

"You're going somewhere, aren't you?", he asked me and I felt as if I've just been struck with something.

"Hmm", I said, my mouth almost filled. "And, I...I want to tell you something like adults and clear it. Namjoon you know my work and I am always not here, never. It's useless. Trust me on this, it's not like that but you know you'll need someone beside you and I can't be the one", I told him, calmly, before gulping water down.

"I know that but I'm okay with it. In fact, we would go hand in hand better because I can't take you out on exotic dates as well. This is what you get", he vaguely gestured at the vanity and I chuckled and he warmly smiled at me.

After a second, I spoke much seriously then before, "It will be hard and you know that. It'll be frustrating. You could hate me".

"If you've tired it with someone before, I am not exactly happy knowing this, but you shouldn't compare me with some random dude with a peculiar taste in leather clothing", he rolled his eyes, shifting his back comfortably.

"Hey! Don't be mean just because you see stuff on my Instagram", I scoffed and he maintained his long face.

"No really, what do you take me for? You think you won't have time for me? I won't have time for you", he went on.

"Namjoon", I dragged his name. His tendency to be sarcastic at odd moments is unmatched.

"Don't call my name like that", he stared at my eyes.

"Like what?", I asked him.

"Like you can love me", he said.

"I...you don't have to be like this", I said, keeping the empty bowl on the table.

"Give me a chance then, try it out. I would wait for you I promise", Namjoon took my hand in his and covered it with his warmth.

"Will I be able to...wait?", I looked away from him, thinking about it so hard.

"___ don't think too much. I promise, we'll be fine", he said, his hands travelling to my waist and before he could grab it. I screeched closer to him. I cupped his face and attached my lips to his, while his hands held on my body.

________________

My relationship with Namjoon was better then I imagined it. I tried my best to be there for him and he was surprisingly almost there for me but it wasn't exactly easy.

It was months and months of hardships and Namjoon was more needy then I thought him to be, he needed a lot of assurance. I don't understand the notion that he holds of everyone wanting me so he needs to be extra careful. I still don't get that his insecure ass doesn't trusts his own members, he won't let me meet them at all.

He was really different. He shifted from dominant to romantic in one second. I loved that. I kind of missed it so much.

He held my hand I could feel it by the way his skin felt against mine, he whirled me around and in a second his hand rested on my waist as he urged me to walk next to him. He was in a perfect disguise and I looked at him. I could tell he was smiling beneath his black mask.

"See, this is why I don't trust other guys! How could you let someone do this to you in the midst of the road in a foreign country?", he asked me.

"No stranger would confidently do this to anyone in a foreign country", I playfully hit him on his leg and he stopped, pretending to be gravely hurt. "I can't believe you", I looked at him as I went with his act. I supported him in standing completely. In a second, he intertwined his fingers with mine.

"I missed you", he softly whispered in my ear.

"I missed you too", I whispered back, softly. I pulled him in an empty alley and pulled his mask down. "I need you to do something", I told him, nibbling on his ear and I could feel my skin feel the heat that it yearned for since a couple of months before him going on tour.

"Right now?", he asked surprised.

"Yeah, right now", I said and I could feel him harden against my pelvis.

"You are...so, not right now. Let's go to your hotel room. I'm still famous", he pulled me closer and I chuckled. He turned me around, pulling his mask down, he kissed me hard. His mouth pressed against mine. I held him tightly and he gasped. "I love you", he softly said before pulling his mask up.

"I, you", I held his hand again.

#bts #bts fanfic #kim namjoon #namjoon #namjoon fic #namjoon smut #namjoon fanfic

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kurokens · 3 years

Text

Burn traitor | Geto Suguru

anime/manga: jujutsu kaisen

character: geto suguru

words: 2080

notes: hey! this is my first geto piece and it's angst hehe. I had this idea for a while now and I finally found a song that inspired me to write it, the lyrics do not really match the scenario but I still think the atmosphere fits. I think it's one of my favourite I've written, not that I wrote it well because, I didnt, I just like making myself suffer apparently because I love writting angst oops... also sorry for any mistakes english isn't my native language! also my requests are open you can find my rules here.

not proof read

song rec: burn x traitor mashup - Hamilton & Olivia Rodrigo

genre: angst

warnings: manga spoilers, violence, major character death, murder, some blood, i think that's it, tell me if i missed anything

You met Geto when you were both in high school, honestly your meeting wasn’t the most romantic, in fact he saved you from a curse on that day. Before meeting him, you had no idea what a curse was and if anyone told you they existed you probably would have laughed in their face. But unfortunately for you, they existed and you wished you had learned about them beforehand, because this was one of the scariest moments of your life. However, thanks to this unfortunate night you met the love of your life. The one who saved you ended up becoming the very person you would become infatuated with. After saving you, you both started seeing each other, going on some dates before making it official. You both seemed to have what people would call the perfect love, your friends would often tell you that you found your soulmates and you truly believed you did. At least that’s what you thought.

Geto had been sent on a mission a week ago, but he promised he would be back for your 2 years anniversary, he said that no matter what he would always find a way to come back to you. So why wasn’t he here, why were you crying in the arms of your boyfriend’s best friend while he was trying his best to contain his own? Why was he saying Geto left? That he killed his parents and ran away to become a curse user?

“He wouldn’t. He can’t do this, he would have told me, warned me at least.” You cried to Gojo.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to believe it either, but I saw him, I talked to him and he did, there is no going back. He won’t change his mind.” He told you, sadness clear in his voice.

“I need to see him too, tell me where I can see him.”You said, begging Gojo with your eyes.

“I think it’s best for you if you didn’t. He didn’t hesitate to kill his own parents, I think it would be safer for you as a non-sorcerer to just let him go, and maybe move away.” The white-haired man tried explaining, but you could only shake your head at him.

“No! You’re lying, you’re trying to keep me away from him. He would never do this to me, to them. You’re a liar Gojo!” Your cries getting louder with each word, you tried escaping the sorcerer’s grasp but it was in vain.

“I’m sorry.” The young man once again said, still not letting go of your struggling figure. “I can’t let you get hurt more than this, I know this is why he didn’t come back to you, he can’t hurt you. Please listen to me, at least this once.”

And listen to him you did, it took a lot of convincing but you did, kind of. You were feeling a lot of things, sadness, anger, betrayal, but deep down you still missed him. You told yourself that maybe he did want to come to you but couldn’t because he knew the higherups would be able to find him here, you were trying to convince yourself that maybe he was missing you just as much and that he would come to find you later, when they wouldn’t be searching for him so heavily. So you waited, a day, then two, and then three, and soon days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, which turned into years.

It had already been three years, three years since Suguru vanished from your life, three years since he left you behind as if you never mattered to him, as if you didn’t spend two years of your life loving and supporting him with everything you got. Three years since you started waiting for him, hoping to get a sign from him, a letter, a phone call, anything that would tell you he was still alive, and missed you just as much as you did. Yes, of course you were angry, you wanted to scream at him from what he did, but, a part of you still wanted to believe that none of this was true, and that he didn’t do this of his own volition.

It was an ordinary day for you, you were in your apartment, watching the tv while reminiscing about your days with Geto, when a knock on your door interrupted your train of thoughts. Almost like a robot you took yourself to the door, thinking it might just be Gojo checking on you like he had been doing for three years. But when you opened your door, it wasn’t the white-haired sorcerer standing in front of you, no. It was the very man you were previously thinking about, the one you thought you would never see again. You couldn’t believe your eyes, you hoped so hard for this day to happen that now it suddenly became real, you were starting to doubt your sanity.

“Su-suguru?” You eventually let out under your breath after staring at him for what felt like hours.

“Hey…” He awkwardly waved at your frozen figure.

“Hey? Hey??? Is that all you have to say?” You asked dumbfounded, finally snapping out of your daydream. “How dare you? You disappeared right before our second anniversary after promising me you would always come back to me. Three years Geto, you left for three years. And now you come back like nothing happened and the first thing you say is hey? Is that all I’m worth? Didn’t I deserve at least a goodbye? An explanation? A letter? Anything? Do you know what I’ve been told about you? Do know what they said you’ve done?? They said I shouldn’t try to reach you because you would kill me too.” All of your pent-up frustration and anger ultimately getting the best you, and before you could stop them tears were running down your cheeks.

“Look, I’m truly sorry for making you go through all of this. It was never my intention.” The black-haired sorcerer started.

“You’re sorry?” You said incredulously, years of repressed anger finally bursting out. “You think a sorry will cut it? Geto do you know what I went through? I’ve waited for a sign from you for three years. For three years I’ve prayed and hoped that none of what I’ve been told was right. I believed in you, believed in what we had. But now that you’re standing before me all of that hope in you has completely vanished. You don’t even look a bit remorseful for what you’ve made me go through. Sorry? Let me laugh. Are you sorry for the sleepless nights? For the hours spent crying over your disappearance? For the void in my heart that you’ve caused when you left? Are you sorry for the way you broke me Suguru? Are your sorry for the way you’ve emotionally killed me?”

Your monologue left the curse user speechless, he truly was sorry, he wished he could have told you but he couldn’t. He always thought about you, he missed you the most. He wanted to come see you so badly, hug you, tell you how much he loved you, and most of all kiss you, he wanted it so badly but he knew it would only put you in danger, so he didn’t. This is all he wanted to tell you, but couldn’t, he knew you would believe him, and, in the end, this was going to hurt even more.

“I am.” Geto settled on these simple words, he knew it wasn’t enough, he knew it would anger you, but this was for the best, he already made his choice three years ago.

“I can’t believe you. I can’t believe I trusted you, that I thought you weren’t the person people said you became. How foolish of me to have trusted you. Thanks for giving me the closure I needed. At least you’ve done one thing right.” You laughed bittersweetly before reaching for the door and closing it.

“Are you going to do it or not?” A voice suddenly said, holding the door you were about to shut. “This is what we came here for. Remember what you’ve said, this world doesn’t have space for non-sorcerers.”

“I know. I will do it. I just need a moment.” The black-haired sorcerer replied with a heavy sigh which deeply confused you.

“What are you even saying? Stop whatever you’re doing, just leave and let me close this damn door.” You growled, growing annoyed at the fact your door wouldn’t budge no matter how much strength you used.

“So?” The same voice asked, continuing to apply pressure on the door to keep you from shutting it.

“I’m sorry.” Geto sighed sadly, his eyes filled with this same foreign feeling they had before he left for his last mission as a jujutsu sorcerer.

“You already said that, I get it. Now leave.” You insisted, growing scared at your door which wouldn’t close and the look in Geto’s eyes.

“I never meant for this to happen.” Your ex-lover said, bringing one of his hands to caress your cheek.

“What are you talking about?” You inquired, now furiously pushing on your door in hope it would finally close.

“But I have no choice.” The curse user continued, his fingers catching the tears that were still rolling down your face. “I know you will understand.”

“What the fuck are you saying Suguru, get out of here you’re scaring me. I don’t know you anymore. You’re not the person I used to love!” You screamed, hands shaking and still pushing the unmoveable door. “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.”

“I loved you, I always will. I hope we will be able to meet in our next life and finally be together like we were meant to.” Geto declared before bending down to softly kiss your forehead. “I’m sorry.”

His actions stunned you, you didn’t even have the time to process anything before a warm feeling made its way to your stomach. Quite a familiar and nostalgic feeling if you were asked, the same one you used to feel whenever you and Geto were together, the one which used to spread throughout your entire body when he would tell you he loved you. But today it felt strangely different, almost bittersweet, it wasn’t a feeling you ever wanted to feel again, no, this one hurt, this one burned you to your core, this one was killing you.

“You-” You started before a violent cough interrupted you, one that burned your entire throat. You coughed for a minute before looking down at your hand, and to your horror it was covered in blood.

Panic and confusion flooded your mind, you looked at Geto’s face, searching for an answer, something that would tell you what was happening but the only thing you could see was the one thing you wished you could have seen when he first knocked on this door, remorse. Eventually your eyes trailed down your lover figure, until you saw his arms reaching out to you, you didn’t remember that he was touching you. You followed it to find where his hand was, your stomach. Your vision was starting to get blurry, was it the tears? Or were you losing consciousness? You didn’t really know. All you knew was that this warm feeling in your stomach was getting stronger and stronger. You blinked a few times and finally, you could see clearly, Geto wasn’t touching you, no, Geto was killing you. His arm that you thought was reaching out to you, was in fact piercing you right through your stomach. This warm feeling that kept getting stronger, it wasn’t love, no, it was anger, pain, betrayal, resentment. How foolish of you to have believed in him.

In your last moment of consciousness, you told yourself that you should have trusted Gojo, you should have listened to him and moved overseas. You shouldn’t have had faith in Geto, deep down you knew it, you knew it, but it was too late for regrets, nothing could be done anymore, he won.

“Traitor.” You managed to let out before taking your final breath, the world around you gradually fading to black. The last image you saw was the face of your lover, tears-stained cheeks and remorse written all over it, but it was too late for regrets, he picked the world he wanted to live in and you weren’t part of it.

#saturn's writing #geto suguru x reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #spoilers #geto suguru angst #jjk angst #jujutsu kaisen angst #geto x reader #geto suguru x you #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen x you #geto x you #geto angst #getou suguru x reader

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