#'anyway now i love u more than anything and cant bare the thought of losing u'
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i'm so obsessed w your blog you really unlocked all the nostalgia that's always waiting under the surface frfr i hope you send me spiraling all the way down again i miss it here so bad. anyway can i ask. what u got on... jane my beloved... sowwy if there's already like. posts abt it i'll go thru your whole blog someday and learn everything like my uni books xx
ok some quick warm up doodles this morning to go with the chat i got... tw for torture, stalking, really sad stuff.
link to my au that has a page with her in it
ok to start off with, jane/liu aren't TOO present in my story because jane and liu live really normal lives. most of their personal story is about recovery and growth, they were victims not aggressors. they're more involved in ninas story, rather than the overarching slender/operator paranormal problems...
jane grew up in an upper middle class household with incredibly loving parents. she was majoring in criminal psychology and lived with her parents, since they were close to the uni. it was during her second year in university that jeff began stalking her. he'd leave dead animals on her doorstep, light fires in her garbage cans, shatter windows without even entering the house, key her car, leave cryptic writings on her car that say stuff like '1f' (1female) to further scare her.
it wasn't that there was anything special about jane, but she had a super easy, very strict schedule to follow. her uni classes were all in the same building at the time, her car had a few cute stickers and decorations on/in her car that made it easy to spot, she only worked sat-mon at a cafe near her university. she was a happy person. easy victim he thought
eventually, while jane was out, he broke into her home and assaulted her parents. whether he used drugs or just stabbed them in the right place to make them immobile idk, but he got them tied up in the kitchen at some point. he was torturing them, doing the typical carved out smile bullshit, and he planned on leaving them for jane to find that night -- but, for the first time, her schedule was different. she came home from work while he was drenching the house in gasoline.
he panicked upon hearing her absolutely gutwrenching scream and quickly lit the trail of gasoline while she was trying to untie her dad (her mom was long gone by this point, her dad was barely managing a few wheezed breathes). he went to go finish jane off. he slashed her face, from her right temple, down her cheek, splitting her mouth in half and getting down to her left jaw. but the fire was spreading way faster than he anticipated, and he already heard sirens, so he bolted.
jane suffered 3rd degree burns covering her entire right leg and arm, it reached up her neck and her face, alongside some other parts of her body. she was pulled out of the fire, rushed to the hospital, and barely managed to survive.
jane had some outside family to support her, but her biggest supporter was her friend from middleschool mary vaugn. she moved into mary's house, took a semester off of school for recovery. the second she felt physically able to, she tried to drive herself right back into school, regardless of her mental condition.
she changed her major to criminal justice. she eventually graduated, fell in love with mary, got married, became a private investigator, etc. she spent a while working on jeff's case, losing sleep and hair over it- she was getting into some sketchy things to try and figure it out, because by this point jeff and ben were friends, and slenderman needs ben's help, so jeff's now protected by slenderman
but jane is one stubborn fucking woman and kept going. instead of sending the proxies to subdue jane, he sent sally.
sally was another poltergeist that kept haunting homes with newborn babies. she was attracting some attention, but slenderman cant physically stop a ghost - so he spent some time talking to sally, connecting with this little ghost girl and convincing her 'you're doing such a great job protecting all these infants, but this one needs you now'
he sent sally off to live with jane. mary's sister was staying with jane/mary after having a baby, so sally agreed to protect the baby. jane quickly welcomed sallys presense, always having believed good things of protective spirits. her mom used to tell her stories of how her grandmother's ghost would always come and soothe jane in her infancy (whether its true or not doesnt matter to jane) .
sally eventually became more than a presence to jane, almost completely integrating herself into her household's daily life. even after mary's sister and her baby left, sally stayed with jane. she felt safe there. (it helped that there were no men in the house too)
jane cares for sally like a daughter for a long time, and begins to redirect her life towards sally, rather than hatred for jeff. she never fully recovers from that night, and she never ever ever ever fucking 'forgives' jeff in any way, but she puts it aside for a while.
but sally is still a spirit, and does her fair share of wandering. she's always landing herself in the cornfields, the forest, etc, and jane goes frantic looking for her -- which is where she eventually bumps into the proxies. it's a huge mess, but she finds out what the fuck slenderman is and whats happening in that forest, but she just . . cant do anything about it. for sallys sake
eventually they get to the point where jane commonly finds herself walking in the forest with sally, or the proxies have to call jane and tell her to 'get her ghost kid' from the forest, etc.
at some point in this she also connects with liu. i don't know who reaches out first, whether it be liu desperately wanting to apologize for everything, or jane trying to figure out anything about jeff she can use to find him. this is how she finds out about nina.
jane smacked the shit out of nina when she first met her, in front of the proxies, who had to pull them apart. (i love nina but she deserved it after idolizing jeff). but nina is really fucking weird and began to idolize jane as well, and sally liked nina, which made it even more complicated, and that's why jane is the first person nina calls after jeff stabbed her ...
by this point janes hoping nina can heal, hoping liu can heal, hoping she herself can heal. ITS VERY HARD. its so unbelievably painful. that's basically where her story is at right now...
on a more positive note, she has a beautiful relationship with mary, and was hugely accepted in mary's family. she does poetry, creative writing, and is passionate about her career. she takes some extra creative writing/art courses at the local community college, just out of pure interest. she does her best to live a peaceful life
a bit off topic, but here's a little thing i copy and pasted from an old hc post too:
i cannot explain how close jane and her parents were. she was an only child in a upper middle class house to a lawyer and a real estate agent so she was always spoiled rotten, taken care of, always told how beautiful and smart she was. hence why losing them is the most fucking detrimental shit to ever happen to her. she literally worhsips her parents. she’s wore mothers wedding dress to her own wedding. her uncle(dads brother) walked her down the aisle holding a framed photo of her dad. she almost refused to walk during her university graduation because her parents couldn’t be there, despite the years worth of hardwork and dedication she put into it.
#asks#hcs#creeped#jane the killer#jane everlasting#jane arkensaw#jane richardson#sweetart#omfg also thank you#your ask was so sweet#thank u so much tysm tysm tysm THANK YOU
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honestly mbikmb is actually me rn
the drum - i feel such a depressive cycle everyday and im not getting fucked up bc i cant w my situation but if i could i prob would b!
happy news 4 sadness - my ex lied 2 me constantly + my perception of love is actually so fked up after him and i constantly tried 2 change myself and use sexual stuff for him 2 love me (he treated me like shit and then convinced me i wanted too much from him)
sunburned shirts - honestly i see this as a nostalgia where it ends up not being what you remember, he used 2 look at the sun and he thought of it fondly, but it hurt more than he remembered
stoop kid - its me! im stoop kid! ive been so conditioned to my mother's baby-ing and when i try to be independent im not allowed and then i get yelled at for never helping out and im terrified to leave bc shes constantly saying that i'll fail completely on my own! also in my later "growing up" yrs i watched hey arnold LOL
something soon - i feel so strongly abt this song. trying to do things to keep from losing it + cutting off my hopes bcuz i feel incapable, i feel like the only way i'll ever b seen is to cause problems! break shit! my mother talked a whole bunch of shit about my dad so now i'll never ever see him the same despite him never actually doing anything to me! i both fear and hate him and miss him and wish i had a dad!!!!! treating what im going through as the past to keep myself from focusing on my problems so i dont kms!!!! wanting to hurt myself to have some reason to be upset!!!! wanting to express my emotions but never being able to!!!! if i cant feel better soon then im actually gonna lose my shit GENUINELY! i am completely unable to tell my mother anything bc either it has to do w her and she can do no wrong or its my fault how i feel! (fun fact- i got yelled at in eighth grade 4 listening to help let me go danny gonzalez bc of the kidnapping a girl part and my music is "too dark" LOL (she threatened to send me to a mental hospital on the same car ride to school)) this town is freezing cold!!! i need out!!!!!!! im not allowed to do laundry and my mom barely does it and acts like if i literally have no underwear then its the hardest thing in the world and i have to wait til bc shes constantly too tired (girl i just wore my last pair and im NOT wearing the ones with holes in them) wanting to be somethig more and never feeling content. ignoring my problems w content and procrastinating to complete guilt, i want to leave n sneak out (i literally could ive snuck someone in multiple times b4 LOL), if i dont romanticize what im going through i'll ACTUALLY fucking lose it (im already inching toward a breaking point xP) i hate this house!!!! ive grown up in the same butt fuck nowhere town in the same horrible traumatic house!!!!!!! i need!!!!!!!! to escape!!!!!! so bad!!!!!
guys we're halfway through the album LOL
no passion - this song is actually so depressed dancing 4 me but i honestly dont really listen 2 this one much n think abt the lyrics so no comment VERY EXTREMELY sorry for no passion fans i WILL think of u and listne 2 it more
father, flesh in rags - i love/hate this song honestly, like it kinda reminds me of my ex (scoliosis! his relationship w his dad was a big problem of our relationship!) thats all u get it kinda hurts LOL not in a way of missing him but i get really upset thinking abt all the shit i put up w and forgot abt bc of my SEVERE case of rose coloured glasses
strangers - im actually wanting to create are 4 this song LOL anyway this song is less specific 4 me (honestly i burnt out from something soon LOL) but i too am not gonna last much longer! im sofa king sick of it!!!! all of it!!!!!!
lawns - its okay will my dad left too <3
pow - fun fact my great grandpa was a prisoner of war! he was taken while he was in a plane over russia and there he learned the language in his 3 years there n idk if he escaped or was let go but hes honestly such a cool guy like! love him but he died when i was really young so i didnt get much of a relationship w him but if i was a great grandparent i'd be really happy 2 meet my great grand kid so im really happy i got to meet him
open-mouthed boy - i too call god a SHIT and then scamper off
ne way im so obsessed w car seat even if i dont have much to say and im just saying a bunch of nothing burgers i have so much appreciation for everything car seat headrest has done even w the songs i dont like (im looking at you hymn and famous) i know somewhere other people like them n are also so affected by car wseat and its just like wowzerz! love this band sofa king much! cant wait to see them live in june!!!!!
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Could you do some more headcanons that feed Fred’s and my innocence kink?
Fred + innocence kink is on my mind 24/7
yes. innocence kinks all around ✋🏻
17+ IF YOU ARE TAGGED AND DON’T WANT TO BE TAGGED IN SMUT PLEASE LET ME KNOW
warnings:NSFW, innocence kink, possessiveness, praise!kink, virginity being lost, oral (male and female receiving but male goes into more detail), mentions of face fucking
aLRIGHTY THEN
i love this so much
so let’s say you’re a virgin when you first start dating fred
and you wanted to have sex, but no one had really done it for you like that and quite honestly most of the guys you had been with made you a bit uncomfortable
prior to fred
fred was just
walking sex appeal
you couldn’t help clench your thighs
shift in your seat
bite your lip
when he would do the simplest things
concentrate on something
write his essays
sHOW YOU NEW BRACELETS
that was a big one, he has nice forearms and wrists
or when he’d tell you something serious
bUT HIS SERIOUS FACE IS SO SEXY
AND YOU KINDA JUST NOD OBEDIENTLY
BECAUSE HE COULD TELL YOU TO DO ANYTHING WITH THAT LOOK AND YOU’D DO IT
fred also notices how you react to his serious, ‘take charge’ voice
he uses it more often
just to see you squirm
alright so it’s late one night
you guys are in your dorm
you’re a prefect
it just makes sense, adds to the image
go with it
so you guys are in your dorm
having some fun
heavy make out session
mother mother is playing in the background, you can pick which song
your on your back, fred is on his side with half his torso resting on you
his hand is running up your bare thigh (you’re still in your school uniform) and his tongue is becoming well aquanted with your own
that’s when his hand trails up under your skirt and starts playing with your underwear band resting on your hip
and you want to
you really want to
you’re ready but you’re also nervous because you are a virgin and super inexperienced
so you kind break away and try to get him to make eye contact with you and pay attention
but fred’s a little lost in the moment, trying to dive into your neck to start kissing the skin there
you grab his face and say you have something to tell him which gets him to pay attention, he can tell it’s serious
you just come out with it
you’re nervous and can’t really look him in the eye
but you say it
“i’m a virgin, freddie”
“oh, love, if i was making you uncomfortable earlier...”
“no no no, i just...i want to, i really want to, but i don’t know what i’m doing i don’t want to disappoint you.”
and fred’s going through many emotions rn
because you’re blushing and batting your eyelashes at him so innocently
and your hips and just barely grazing against his own and he doubts you know what you’re doing
and you look so shy and actually worried that he might be disappointed in you
as if 🙄
so he tells you exactly that
that he could never be disappointed in you, in any way shape or form
then it’s what you utter next that has him holding in a moan
“maybe you could teach me!”
and you’d sit up on your knees really fast
because this is exciting for you too
and you think its actually kinda hot
fred is biting his lip with a smirk at how excited and obedient you look
“whenever you’re ready I’d be happy to be Professor Weasley.”
“i’m ready now, Fred, just wanted you to know”
fred asks if you’re sure about... a billion times
before pulling your face back down to his to continue kissing
and i think this night you’d lose your virginity and that was his main focus
just making sure you were comfortable and ready and having fun
baby steps
ok now lets talk about Professor Weasley teaching you different things
ok so fred’s a dom
i think he’d be a mean, teasing, sarcastic, borderline sadistic dom
and you are eager to please, innocent, obedient, painfully submissive
its great for everyone honestly
so you come up to him one day and tell him you want to give him a blowjob
and you want him to teach you how
fred is hard ✨instantly✨
ok he’d sit on the edge of the bed and move to unzip his trousers
and you’re sitting on your knees patiently waiting
looking up at him with doe eyes as if you aren't about to let him be the first person ever to fuck your mouth
that’s a big thing that turns him on
how he’s the first person to make you feel like this
to corrupt you like this
it bleeds into his possessiveness kink (there has to be abetter name for this but i can’t think of it atm)
because he knows that because he’s the first
hes the teacher
if there happens to be other guys after him in a way you still belong to him because of this
not that he’d ever want there to be other guys
he loves you
and wants to be with you forever.
but the thought really gets him going
that no matter what
sex will always bring you back to him and you guys fucking
anyway
back to you waiting to learn how to suck him off
i feel like fred has a really comforting aura
so you are more excited than nervous
and don’t have an issue with being open about your curiosity
testing things out
what happens if you swipe your thumb across his tip
or if you kiss it
and fred is trying so hard not to just grab you by the back of the head and start fucking your pretty little mouth because god this was way too attractive
the way you still looked so innocent as you sucked on the tip of his cock
your eyes wide and looking up at him waiting for praise but the only thing he was able to grunt out with a strained voice was
“just like that”
or
“good girl”
he’d have a guiding hand on your face
his thumb lovingly running across your cheek one
wiping tears once you started to take him deeper and insisted that you were fine even though he could feel you gagging on him
and he’d get close to cumming embarrassingly fast but it’s fine
you didn't know any better
but he’d tell you ask you to swallow
“m’ gonna cum, yeah? think my good girl could swallow?”
you’d nod and hum around him
and that would push him over the edge
he’d cum in your mouth and you’d swallow just like he asked
it didn’t taste bad by any means
different at first
but as you kept sucking you’d actually start to really enjoy it
it was salty, just a bit tangy, but it was knowing that it was Fred’s cum that had you wanting more
you’d keeping sucking, making sure to get every last drop
and fred was hypersensitive at this point
with shaky breaths and grunts turning into high pitched breathy moans and whimpers
he’d have to pull you off of him
“tastes good”
he’d nearly lose it again
he’d also pull you in for a heated kiss because jesus christ he cant believe he's this lucky
had to have been a saint in his past life
the first time he eats you out is also a whole experience
fred would live in between your legs if he could
he loves your little whine and whimpers as he goes down on you
he dreams of them
oK FRED ALSO LIKES TO MAKE YOU BLUSH BY SAYING THE FILTHIEST THINGS AT ANY POINT IN TIME
HE WILL WHISPER THINGS IN YOUR EAR THAT HAVE YOU SQUIRMING AND BEGGING TO GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM
oR he’ll tease you and say
“my poppet’s pussy is so responsive to my touch...”
because it’s T R U E
anyway
innocence kink is where its at you didn't hear it from me
tags:
@siriusement
@amourtentiaa
@vsawyer1989
@lifeofkaze
@theorangedrummer
@erinblack003
@famdomhideout
@an2402lths
@escapingrealitybyreading
@readyg0erge
@maybesandohnos
@therealhouseelvesofhogwarts
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SPOILERSSS for Twisted Wonderland Chapter 6 : 1-16!!!
*rubs hands* aight it wont take long before genshin has me in its gacha hell grasp again, I just barely escaped this time— NOW ITS TIME TO SEE THE BOIS CHAPTER 6 omg— wtf happened last time lol it’s been too long
So, no voice over because of some problems which is understandable but— meh I don’t feel like reading lol So I’m watching otome ayui translations this time, because im that one dumbass student who skipped kanji class and now i cant read without sounding like im five _:(´ཀ`」 ∠): “what up im yume im way passed 19 and i never fucking learned how to read”
Also watching Hanayura Kanon stream for the rest that’s not yet been translated lol Because he’s very good at voice acting for the characters and he’s funny af lol
- OKAY OKAY— WTF HAPPENED EXPLAIN
- Fun fact : I haven’t watched Hercules yet so I legit don’t know what’s about to come lol
- Aw, that’s cute— We called over Ace and Deuce late at night AND THEY REALLY CAME OVER AAAAA
- I forgot how fckin pure their friendship is _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):
- Aight, so we actually have a huge-ass scratch from feral Grim lol That’s just fantastic, isn’t it
- FINALLY— We’re talking about Mickey and the stones my monster cat has been eating with Crowley AAAAA
- “Yeah there’s this bitch called mickey and i took his photo—“
- WE’RE FINALLY TALKING ABOUT THIS. AFTER 6 CHAPTERS.
- Bruh this crystal of blot sounds really dangerous why are we discussing this just now
- Speaking of this crystal, Crowley— you were looking for this crystal in chap one and when we asked you about wtf you’re trying to find you just went— “oH itS NothING.”
- I SUPPOSED ITS NOT NOTHING NOW IS IT
- I didnt see you searching for crystals after every chapter mr. crowley where were you 👁👄👁 dont you think it was weird that you didnt see a single one after like— five blotting incidents
- Oh so its rare i see— BRUH R U SURE ABOUT THAT grim literally found one every single chap LMAO
- Okay okay— see, he may be violent but listen— you aint gonna throw out my fucking cat okay
- Wh— THERE WAS A FESTIVAL!? Im dumb so its not just VDC LOL
- Listen LISTEN— GRIM IS FINE. HOLD UP— NO NEED TO THROW HIM OUT JUST LET ME HAVE ANOTHER LOOK AT HIM
- Aww, Ace and Deuce looked pissed about it too AAAAHH THE TRUE DEFINITION OF THE BOIS
- BRUH NO— ALL THE DORM LEADERS TO GO AND CAPTURE GRIM?? HE’LL DIE
- CROWLEY PLS— WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS, HONEY
- #Grimportectionsquad
- “It’s bout time for them to come” Who?
- FUCKING— CROWLEY STOP SAYING ITS NOTHING— This is why this school is so fucked, you never tell us anything ahead of time _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):
- Aight he left, Ace Deuce hurry help me what you guys got
- He may be a monster but see— the worst he did is eat the whole tuna stack SO PLS HES STILL BABY AND I LOVE HIM
- THATS RIGHT DEUCE MY MAN GRIM CAN DO NO BAD I SWEAR
- HE WOULDNT EVER AGAIN I SWEAR
- Ace ヽ(；▽；)ノ The character development— im so proud of you, son
- THIS IS THE BOISSS— LETS GOOOO
- Fuck this is so beautiful— just me and the bois on our way in the middle of the night to find our MISSING CAT I—
- CROWLEY REALLY DID ASSEMBLE THEM DORM LEADERS AAAAAAA AT THIS HOUR TOO WTF
- BRUH WE CAN TALK
- Kalim Kalim Kalim Vil Vil Vil— Pls we’ve been through so much last chapter ＨＥＬＰ
- Leona…A big fat ｍｏｏｄ honestly lmao
- Ey ey riddle pls— dont make this any more difficult—
- Shut up azul stay where u are all you’ve done is nothing but chaos since you arrive so SHHH
- MALLEUS IS NOT HERE AGAIN LILIA PLS— where is he when we need him the most LOL
- Ortho, your bro where?? Also— SURVIVAL STATUS BRUH—
- YES PLS DONT HURT HIM OMG
- oh i forgot idia lives in his tablet LOL OF COURSE
- Omg he’s in the apple trees still looking scary as shi aaaaaaa pls kitty come home u just had too much catnip
- OH GOD 15m HE’S CLOSE
- “Starting operation” ORTHO WHAT TF
- EY EY EY oh good he’s knocked out sighhh
- Aight I know this has been translated but I can’t help but to look at the original japanese and im just— wtf is RTS and TAS idia i dont understand this advanced gamer otaku language
- But Idia and Ortho really do be speedrunning on who can fucking kick my cat the hardest LOL
- THATS RIGHT IDIA You understand me— Fellow cat lovers unite, Grim is very cute, he can’t do no bad
- …so can i have him back pls—
- Can we just appreciate the fact that these bois are willing to take the risk of getting their heads chopped off by Riddle by doing all this for us??
- If this isnt what you call true friendship then i dont know what this is
- Lol ambrose is going to appear in this festival again and crowley’s prideful ass is QUAKING
- WHY are we not allowed to see him crowley im sure we can handle it— We’re the BOIS. CMON
- Imagine if they just summon a fcuking— magic vet or something lol
- It’s the next day lol
- HAH ITS THE VDC LOSERS BY ONE VOTE SQUAD
- I mean the NRC Tribe— ٩( ᐛ )و
- VIL. what you have my queen
- Vil pls dont remind me that my cat isnt here but thank you for saying thank you i do not deserve—
- AWW THE ADEUCE SQUAD LOOKS SO SAD AAAAA
- Vil i miss the bad bitch but absolute oneesan energy but the apology— yeah are we gonna cry again lol
- AAAAAAHH why am i so proud— THAT vil is apologizing
- You dont need to maam what we had in chapter 5 was a fucking journey i regret nothing
- I swear if rook goes like— bitch that aint beautiful imma bonk him I WILL DO IT dont think i forgot what u did last chap
- Man i love me a man who can openly admit his mistakes MMMGH
- Rook i swear—
- Im glad that we’re not toning down ace’s brutal honesty lol
- BRUHHH I DONT LIKE IT WHEN VIL US TAKING ALL THE BLAME i mean what he said was kinda true BUT STILL
- Cheer up Vil, it’s not like it’s a complete failure anyways (；ω；) it was fun at least
- Hearing Jamil encourage Vil like this feels surreal BUT YES BOI U TELL EM
- What is this beautiful character development
- Ooff way to hit where it hurts the most vil my queen lol
- AAGH IT HURTS VIL RECOGNIZING NEIGE’S HARDWORK LIKE THIS— THE PRIDE I CAN FEEL IT ＣＲＡＣＫ
- Bruh we appreciate Neige’s impeccable smile in this household— REMEMBER WHEN EVERYONE WAS LIKE NEIGE’S GON BE A BAD BOI??? WELP—
- It was me, i was that person and i shall drown in apple juice for it
- Of course, the ultimate Neige simp already knows that lol
- Bruh the background music has no business being this sad ｓｔｏｐ
- I hate it when vil is right sometimes omg— TRUEEE KALIM especially wouldn’t be able to stand properly on stage after knowing Neige’s own hardships aaaa
- NOO BABY DONT CRY
- Vil redemption arc??? 👀👀 you can help us cure our cat—
- !? Are we gonna get that money promised in that poster?? 👀👀
- WHAA FUCKING WAHAA VIL IS GONNA PAY THAT US??? THE WHOLE 5 MIL EACH??!! VIL CALM DOWN WHAT I SAID WAS A JOKE
- Damn vil is ＳＴＡＣＫＥＤ He really didnt want to owe anyone anything LMAO YES QUEEN
- WHA— KALIM IS ACCEPTING??? OUT OF EVERYONE HERE, I DID NOT EXPECT YOU TO ACCEPT THAT KALIM
- Kalim is making my heart go boom boom again baby boi ✨👁💧👄💧👁✨✨
- HE’LL DONATE IT TO THE RAMSHACKLE DORM BABY BOIIII
- …sumimasen kalim for having a very rundown dorm 👁💧👄💧👁 but thank you for being nice about it lol
- OKAY OKAY KALIM YOU DONT HAVE TO LIST ALL THE THINGS WRONG IN MY DORM PLS—
- THIS IS EMBARRASSING PLS KALIM IM SORRY FOR BEING POOR
- But this man be such a sunshine holy shit i cant even be mad about it lol
- AW YEAH RAMSHACKLE DORM IS GONNA GET A MAKEOVER
- EVERYONE BE DONATING THEIR MONEY TO US AAAAA Were they always this NICE
- Aight adeuce pls— y’all dont have to force yourself to donate my guys (´；ω；`) being friends is enough lol i get it my bois
- Find me a man who can make me feel like this the way Vil can
- Man if only Grim is here :’) he’d be soo happy :’)) you can have all the tuna you want buddy :’)))
- GRIM PLS ADEUCE IS WILLING TO TREAT YOU TO LUNCH BABY
- Bro this is so wholesome omg
- Im sorry but still up to this day, my understanding of Epel’s accent is still ｌａｃｋｉｎｇ lmao
- Aight they be talking about how Rook already knew that they were going to lose from the very beginning
- The FORESHADOWING LOL The difference with how Rook said “What a wonderful performance” rather than “What a beautiful performance” sigh
- Honestly we gotta respect Rook’s resolve here lol man just knows what he wants
- Rook and Vil’s friendship lmao
- 👁👄👁 …!?
- EARTHQUAKE WTF How dare you ruin such moment—
- WHAT IS GOING ON
- EY WTF DONT DESTROY MY DORM WTF ARE YOU GUYS
- WHAT ARE THESE ROBOTS OUTSIDERS KILL THEM WITH FIRE
- They look like something that belongs to the Ignihyde dorm HUH
- Oh bruh— Vil in his Dorm Leader mode is so cool AND YES I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE TIME BUT wheww~~ Vil YAS QUEEN
- KALIM TOO AAAAAA JAMIL’S 「はっ！」SO COOL
- so SO— the dorm leader’s have a protocol for outsider attacks like this 👁👄👁 OMG THEY’RE SO HOT
- They don’t seem like our bois anymore aaa just pure professionalism at this point—
- GOD I FORGOT HOW COOL THEY ARE OMG
- HEEEYYY OUR DORM IS GETTING DESTROYED WTF ARE THESE GUYS’ PROBLEM
- We were just talking about renovating it too wtf
- AAAAAHHH HOW DARE YOU— VIL R YOU OK
- Bruh i dont know what is going on but dont touch my man’s face
- They’re targetting Vil and Jamil WHY— overblot men!!??? WHERE ARE YOU— GIVE THEM BACK
- I didnt understand what epel said here lmao BUT—!?
- THEY HAVE GRIM TOO FUCK HE’S BACK LET GO OF MY FUCKING CAT
- WHAT IS GOING ON DARLINGS
- BUDDYY >:’0000 Grimmm MY HEART—
- Are they kidnapping the overblot men?? What— the fucking absolute ｂａｌｌｓ on these robots
- God we’re getting absolutely ｆｕｃｋｅｄ in here
- AND THERE’S A CAULDRON IN THE BACKGROUND LOL DEUCE WENT HAM
- BRING ME BACK MY FUCKING CAT— >:’0000
- I thought there’s going to be a festival not a fucking kidnapping event HEY
- Oh 👀 Rook pls help
- AAAHH SERIOUS ROOK IS HOT—
- IS THE OTHER DORM LEADERS CHILLING WHERE ARE THEY KALIM PLS BE SAFE
- OH RIDDLE IS NOT ANSWERING THEY GOT HIM TOO
- Oh ghad they got him during clubs WTF HOW—
- *nervous hornii chuckling* …angry expression silver 👁👄👁 im sorry
- AAAA Dorm leaders actually be acting like dorm leaders is soo cool i cant—
- Bruh the story is all chaos what is this chapter
- Are they gonna get Leona and Azul too what—
- RIDDLE BABY Jesus christ dont overblot like this again lol
- DAMN HE STRONG FOR A SMOL BOI THO
- Whoever made these robots wtf is their deal lol TO BE ABLE TO BEAT A DORM LEADER—
- …Bruh where is our horned friend when u need him
- Silver and Sebek theorizing with dorm leaders but they took Jamil tho?? It’s probably the overblot men they’re after
- Also Malleus is probably good so you two calm down lol Lilia’s probs having tea with him right now
- Okay, Leona how are you going to get captured KING.
- Omg everything is getting destroyed wtf
- AW LEONA SAVED RUGGIE THATS CUTE AND COOL AF
- Bruh leona these are material robots— cant you just turn them into sand lol
- Oh they do have some kind of brand cmon just turn them into sand pls
- WHAT THE FUCK
- LEONA-SAN!? WHY ARE YOU GIVING UP— OJI-TAN!!!
- OLD MAN WHAT—
- *hearing leona whisper his reasons ✋ 👁👄👁 🤚 okay sir im sorry
- Damn Leona acting like a real prince right now— it’s kinda hot 👀👀
- BRUH PLS COME BACK DONT TALK LIKE YOU AINT GONNA
- BRO WHERE ARE THE TEACHERS
- THE BOARD GAME CLUB
- Idia : “bro we just chilling be cool— MY CHESS PIECE“
- “Aight ortho what’s the situation” “ｆｕｃｋｅｄ＂
- So Idia of course knows about this— why does he look like he’s so done lmao me getting the feeling this isnt the first time idia has encountered this situation before lol
- Man i want to see azul in action too but mehh— Idia told him to settle down cries
- LOL WHAT IS THIS KARONE ROBOTS
- Wait— are they taking idia too?? OH IS THIS THE DOING OF IDIA’S FAMILY
- WHERE IS CROWLEY— THE TEACHERS, YOUR IMPORTANT STUDENTS ARE GETTING KIDNAPPED
- AH THEY ALSO KNOW ABOUT THESE STYX BITCHES WHAT— and they’re just letting them GO whaaat
- Sounds to me that this must be idia’s family taking care of the overblotting students?? Like to protect Idia or something?? I DONT—
- “Gather all the dorm leaders” No, sir, they’re already gone besides my sunshine and the horn boi
- Malleus??? 👁👄👁 TSUNOTAROU
- Pls kill the robots they destroyed my place
- AAH UPSIDE DOWN LILIA long time no see lol
- Bruhh the diasomnia students are so lucky to have Malleus as a dorm leader omg
- BRUH LILIA’S RINGTONE IS SO CUTE LMAO
- Kalim sounds so desperate im so sad
- ARE WE— ARE WE GONNA MEET MALLEUS AGAINNN
- Bruh they just goku teleported their way out of the dorm lol
- AAAAHH EVERYONE IS HERE THIS IS SO FUN
- Wait jack is not here lol did they just forget about him wtf
- Oh shit we here too i did not know LMAO
- S-So are we just gonna..continue school like— like these styx bitches didnt just ruin half the school, my dorm, injure my bois, and took my cat or…???
- GASP AAAA STYX IS A BLOT RESEARCH FACILITY WHAAAT
- So that’s why leona and idia be like bro this is not worth it
- O-Oh yeah— they…they didnt know that Vil overblot— PFFT
- Malleus pls information who are you talking about—
- WHO— LILIA MALLEUS OH NO
- Ey, overblot squad are assembled lol this looks so dangerous
- LMAOO Riddle was sleeping on Leona’s lap for three hours THATS SO CUTE
- Where the fck did they take them, ITS CRAMPED AF
- Bro they’re just exposing Vil and Jamil’s overblot that’s supposed to be a SECRET LOL
- Oji-tan can sound so wise and reliable like this if he really tried lol sugar daddy energy
- Wtf these guys never thought that idia was from a big shot family??? They thought it was just coincidence that they had the same family name PFFT
- AZUL AAAA He was right there my guy BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY MAN
- oh. They finally opened— isn’t this the ignihyde dorm what
- WHAT THE FU— IDIA
- Bro— WHAT WAS THAT IT WAS IDIA ALL ALONG???
- WHAT IS THIS CHAPTER
This chapter is a fucking roller coaster like— literal 0 to 100 ＱＵＩＣＣ From having a moment with Vil and the bois to a FUCKING TERRORIST ATTACK LMAO IM HYPED FOR NEXT CHAP—
It’s been so long, I hope they released the next part soon (๑>◡<๑) I forgot how fine these men are lol at least I want to hear their voices again 👁👄👁
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do you have any spare ironhusbands or sambucky headcanons?
ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY
oh my god okay i’ve been so fucking wrapped up in both ironhusbands and sambucky and absolutely nothing else for WEEKS because of tfatws (obviously if you have seen my endless spam of reblogs but can you BLAME ME) and the portal closed has ironhusbands so i’ve been just. oh my god i am happily drowning in this and them and i do not need nor want air. ok.
also these are all hc’s based just in canon not au, and lol warning this got so long help me, though my brain is so scrambled from tfatws finale that all sambucky thoughts are scrambled and jumbled so i wasn't able to coordinate them as well as ironhusbands so the ironhusbands section is definitely longer pfighf i'm so sorry i'm like this
ironhusbands:
when they met at mit tony didnt know shit. like. like nothing. he didnt know a single god damn thing about anything. like he was a genius he could solve any equation given to him and baffled professors when he was handed like two supposedly impossible equations to this fuckin fourteen year old and he just looked at them with like a mcdonalds burger or some shit hanging out of his mouth and just answered them no problem, but he was still such a hopeless idiot, and rhodey, also a genius attending as a sixteen year old, had to teach him the basics of life, like. making toast. tony how do NOT know how to make toast. its TOAST. you put it in the TOASTER. have you NEVER SEEN A—OH MY GOD HOW DID YOU FUCKING CATCH IT ON FIRE—
he does not perfect the clearly impossible task of making toast until he is 17 and rhodey buys him a cake to celebrate the momentous occasion even though tony went though 528 toasters
you are gold by the national parks. thats it. thats all i have to say. listen to the song and look up the lyrics. you’ll get it.
and also paper planes by jon bellion but specifically for after rhodey tells tony he’s gonna join the air force and tony is worried but doesnt know how to show it and they have like a chill night in and all tony can think about is how stupid he is and how he’s such a coward because he cant get himself to tell rhodey that hi!! i love u!! and im scared to lose u and that you’ll get hurt and maybe die or smth!!
when rhodey finds out about how tony was raised (going with mcu, where tony wasnt physically abused but more emotionally neglected and ignored by howard and always talked down to and compared to others and wasnt treated like he was worthy and never was told he was loved and everything like that) he gets PISSED. like he is MONUMENTALLY angry. and it takes YEARS for him to find out about this too. and it actually puts a bit of a strain on their friendship for awhile when they meet too
like rhodey knows about the starks obviously and he assumes tony is going to be this obnoxious arrogant rich boy asshole and is so not looking forward to being roommates but he was raised to have an open mind and give everyone a chance, but tony was raised to be wary of everyone and keep his walls up and his emotions in shackles because whatever he shows can be used against him, so they clash, you know? they dont fight or anything but theres tension bc it isnt right and they dont get each other.
rhodey tries to be nice and tony doesnt understand nice because his only example of nice is jarvis and his mom and even then his mom and jarvis are always off with his dad so he barely sees them so its still rare for him to experience the nice of them so he doesnt know how to be around someone nice all the time, and so he gets defensive and thinks about how howard drilled it into him to be wary and he thinks maybe rhodey isnt ACTUALLY nice but someone PRETENDING to be
and rhodey starts to feel justified in assuming the worst about tony stark because tony is all cold and distant and rude and is about to stop the keeping an open mind thing about a month into their first year but then he comes back to their dorm early from class one day and tony doesnt come in so rhodey is just standing there and watches for a minute as tony sits there staring down at his twenty sixth attempt at a letter he wants to send his mom becauss he knows his mom likes letters even though he could just call but they havent really called him (howards fault but he’s fourteen still and its hard to rationalize that howards busy life and controlling thumb extends past his son) and rhodey is just confused because tony just suddenly sighs and sniffles a bit and murmurs “this is so stupid” and crumbles up the paper and throws it in the garbage and rhodey cant help but peer into it and barely sees the words hey mom scribbled at the top and that. that. hm. okay.
so rhodey keeps trying because he wasnt supposed to see that but he did and now he kind of has a feeling that maybe tony isnt all that cold and distant and rude as he seems, maybe he just doesnt really know how to be any different, so he thinks about all the subtle little ways that his family has shown him they care about him and starts to invite tony to go get food or to study together even though neither of them really need to study or to help each other with assignments or just anything thats mundane enough to not raise suspicion but still starts to open the door and make tony relax around him just that little bit and then before tony realizes it the end of their first year is there and theyre like friends or something and it hits him that he’s gonna miss rhodey.
for the first time ever there’s someone other than his mom and jarvis that he’s actually going to miss.
rhodey grins at him and says that they’ll be roommates again next year because they have to be and that the summer will be over before they know it and the sentiment is nice but tony spends the summer alone wandering around a house too big and empty after being in a dorm that’s small and has a friend.
but rhodey doesn’t know this. like he knows that tony isn’t the kind of guy he originally assumed but he doesn’t know that he’s literally ignored and neglected and like emotionally and sometimes verbally abused so he’s kind of surprised when the next year begins and they DO end up being roommates again (because tony kind of asked his mom, on a rare day when he got to see her and howard wasnt around, to get mit to make sure they could be) and tony just HUGS him like its been years and they’ve known each other forever but he goes with it and hugs him back because maybe tony’s just more affectionate once he gets to know someone and rhodey is okay w that.
they get closer as the years go by and they graduate from mit together and they’re BEST friends and at the end of the year rhodey invites tony to spend new years eve w his family but tony cant bc howard is having some kind of gala starting at 5 because hes weird and dumb and tony hates it and he also isnt given the option of not going even though he doesnt want to but the entire way there howard drills into him about not fucking up and berates him for all the times he has in the past and when they get there tony is already just not feeling it so he’s like nope!! no!! i simply cannot!!
so he goes in and finds an exit thats in the back and he leaves and finds a fucking payphone of all things and he has rhodeys home number memorized for years now and he calls and someone he doesnt knoe answers and theres music in the background and voices and tony’s entire stomach is in his throat and his heart is sunken into his twisted gut because he just wanted one night where maybe he could smile next to his parents and feel like he fit with them but he couldnt have that and he asks to talk to rhodey and then he is and asks if its too late to accept his invite and rhodey is like yeah of course do u need my address bc its still only 5 pm and its a 2 hour drive between south philadelphia and manhattan so he’d make it with plenty of time before it got to midnight so yay
and tony is like. oh. hm. i dont know how to drive actually. that was a thing that no one ever thought to teach me even though i asked about it about ten million times. and rhodey is used to tony not knowing how to do things that most people their age can (see: the toast) and plus its not uncommon for people from new york to not drive anyway so he doesnt think anything of it and instead asks for tony’s address to come pick him up instead and they’d still make it back by like 9-9:30 so that would work too
and thats when tony is like. well.
about that.
he might be calling from a payphone.
on a random street corner.
and its kind of raining. and he’s cold. and he’s a bit dulled out from everything so he doesn’t really think about the fact that admitting this is going to lead to having to explain what happened and also why and that is happens often. but that doesnt matter because he kind of just wants to be with his best friend and not back at that gala with his dad right now.
rhodey is like,,, ok. ok. wheres a coffee shop nearby u can wait in. and tony thankfully is by a 24 hour one and tells him the name and the street corner its closest to and rhodey is like i’ll be there asap and tony goes and he waits.
a two hour drive turns into an hour and a half because rhodey is Worried™
but when he walks in tony goes from being all dulled out to being all HOLY SHIT because rhodey has a SPLIT LIP and he’s like WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED WHAT THE FUCK WHAT
and rhodey’s like no no its good my uncle was having fun and trying to wrestle with me and he accidentally elbowed me its all good man dont worry about it
tony isnt used to accidentally being hurt tho so he’s still like hmmm but he takes rhodeys word on it and they head out and tony wont say what happened or why he was calling from a payphone ?? which btw tony literally only was able to do bc there happened to be dropped change on the ground because boy would not have change on him ok, but rhodeys like alright lets go with this for now
so they gets to the rhodes house and it is in full swing with family and extended family and adopted family bc they are 100% the family that just adopts the neighborhood kids and the people who have no one else and like ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends even after the relationship ends bc they still are family despite not dating whoever it was they had been dating in order to be introduced to them so its a LOT of people and tony is like. this is semi familiar in terms a lot of people but this is NOTHING like what he has ever seen before holy fucking SHIT
rhodey is just like oh u have a small family then? so ur used to smaller gatherings?
and tonys like wtf are gatherings
and rhodey is starting to get a feel for what might be wrong but just takes tony inside to get him changed because he’s not spending new years eve at the rhodes house in a fucking expensive suit ok
tony is completely out of his element and like he’s not the only white guy there bc again the rhodes adopt people and those people are of every race and nationally you can imagine but he just isnt used to the vibe there are people laughing and sitting close together and playing games and theres music playing but not like classy music its music people can dance to and are dancing to and the food isnt the food he’s used to at galas and shit and nothing is what he’s used to and he just sticks to rhodey’s side like a fucking lost puppy and tries his best not to look like an idiot when rhodey introduces him to people and a lot of them know who he is but dont judge him or assume shit about him bc obviously if he’s friends w rhodey then he’s a good guy and they want to know him and thats enough
but tony is v overwhelmed bc what the FUCK IS HAPPENING this is nothing like anything he has ever experienced EVER
so eventually rhodey can tell he’s getting overwhelmed and takes him inside and lets him have a breather and then asks him about whats going in and thats when rhodey learns about what tonys life at home is really like and. anger.
SO MUCH anger
because not only has every single assumption he has ever made about tony been proven wrong, but now he knows that the best person he knows has never been treated the way he deserves and has never known a true home and comfort and love and safety and
and he’s gonna fix it
and this is the first step
so he takes tony back out and they’re still just friends but this is the day they both quietly realize they might kind of definitely like each other as more because tony is still so confused by the fact that what he knows isnt the normal and overwhelmed by how much there is and how different it is but rhodey holds his hand as a grounding point and whenever it might be too much they move off to the side where they arent completely gone but its less hectic and a bit more quiet and its just nice
tony goes to rhodeys house for every holiday despite whatever howard says
rhodey decks howard the only time they ever meet before tonys parents die and he has the most shit eating grin on his face afterwards that tony cant help but lose his shit laughing his ass off
anyway i didnt mean to ramble for so long about that specific idea so i’ll end the ironhusbands ramble with this one last thought, which is as follows:
rhodey gets hurt in the air force at some point, and it isnt that bad tbh but he does have to go the hospital and shit and gets stitches or whatever idk i dont know what specifically happens i just think it’d be just bad enough that it takes him a few weeks to be able to go back to work but he’s not like OH GOD HURT yk?
but like stated above tony was scared and worried when rhodey told him he was gonna go into the air force so he hears about this and they’re probably like almost 30 at this point because they’re dumb and it takes them forever to get their heads out of their asses (i say this even though in the portal closed it takes them even longer but i digress) rhodey has like his mon his sister his niece visiting him and they were worried but they know hes fine so theyre just talking and in a good mood and then—
door slams open. tony stark enter stage left. disheveled suit, fresh from a meeting he definitely was not supposed to leave, having flown in from maibu the second he heard and then had happy drive him and then got impatient because of traffic and ended up sprinting like ten blocks while happy was like what the FUCK
of course rhodeys family are well aware that these idiots are desperately in love with each other so they’re just like lol ok and just leave the room while tony starts fretting over him like he’s about to die himself if he doesnt know if rhodey is okay and rhodey is like tony tony dude tones stop tony im okay tony stop it
until finally tony just fucking breaks down like full on tears in his eyes voice cracking hands clasped as he leans against rhodeys bed and tells him that he was so scared and he is so scared all the time whenever rhodey is out there because all he can think about is losing him and him getting hurt or dying and it’s maddening and this is when they get their heads out of their asses and kiss for the first time
(irony at its finest bc later when they are married and tony becomes iron man rhodey refuses to not have a suit of his own because if tony is going out there in a metal flying tin can then he isn’t going alone and wow what a power couple)
sambucky:
firstly i’m going to go post tfatws, but i’ll make a bullet point before going into it so if you wanna read up until that point you can but most of this will be random little headcanons based post tfatws
also it isnt like a whole plotline thing like the ironhusbands ones ended up being these ones are more random and kinda all over the place but loosely connected
update from after writing this: i lied
let me start by saying my interpretation of why they are the way they are in civil war is because of steve
thats not saying steve is the bad guy i mean to say that they’re jealous of each other because they thought that THEY were steve’s best friend who the fuck is THIS guy i dont want him here go away
children. they are children.
which i find very funny to imagine from sams pov because he literally is a licensed therapist and would 100% recognize why he’s acting how he is but he’s petty enough to do it anyway
and also he literally was helping steve track bucky down but i like to imagine that sam didnt think they’d ever really find him again and it’d just make him and steve like super mega best friends or something because hes a CHILD
and then from bucky’s pov steve goes through all this trouble to find him and protect him and then this random guy is acting like steve’s best friend and gets to sit in the front seat ??? bullshit. absolutely bullshit. worst thing ever. so stupid.
its so funny to me okay its SO funny
its like that schoolyard thing where your friend makes another friend and you hate it so much that you do something stupid like color on their drawing or put gum in their hair or whatever but they’re adults with 1. super soldier serum or 2. a superhero reputation/avengers status and suit with wings. so thats a thing.
post civil war i dont think they get much yk. because bucky is out in cryo and team cap is on the run and i doubt theyre able to return to wakanda much, if at all, and then it’s infinity war and then it’s endgame and after endgame there’s the aftermath and the aftermath is a mess
i like to think they have some moments before tfatws though. not many but enough for that slight foundation thats we can kind of see in episode 2 yk.
okay NOW it gets into post tfatws so!!
SO post tfatws everything is different because now they not only have spent all this time together, but they understand each other in a way that they didn’t before. in a way no one ever has. not even steve, who may have known them before, but he isn’t here anymore and he wouldn’t understand who they are now vs who they were before and it’s different.
bucky finds comfort in sam’s home town. sam finds comfort in watching bucky find a home there and he doesnt know why.
also sam treats redwing like a puppy and lets him fly around on his own and gets pet and stuff and bucky acts annoyed but the longer it happens you can tell he’s like “oh my god why is this thing endearing”
bucky has nightmares and sam knows this but bucky doesnt know that sam also has nightmares until one night when they’re still in sams home town and they’re staying on the boat because sams nephews are having a sleepover with some friends and they didnt want to get in the way or smth idk i just want an excuse for them to be on the boat and somewhat secluded from people but bucky already woke up from his nightmare and is out on the deck to get some fresh out and then oop
sam havin a nightmare too
because fucking of COURSE sam has nightmares he has been through some shit too!! not being able to catch riley and everything that happened since meeting steve and thanos and he turned to dust alone in the bushes ok like yes everyone that died were traumatized undoubtedly (peter my baby boy baby im so sorry that you got the worst of it) but bucky was around people but sam was laying on the ground and probably just watched his hands as he disappeared and he was alone and like. jesus christ ok.
and then steve trusted him with every weight and everything that comes with the shield not knowing how much more the shield has when he gave it to a black man and just like he has nightmares everyone in marvel does its a fact
but bucky finds out like this and he is shocked even though he realizes he probably should have been able to guess that this is a thing and he knows so much more about sam now than he ever did but this is how he learns more. he learns about riley. he learns so much.
sometimes bucky has those like “oh shit” moments where he’s like “maybe i was kind of a dick to someone who didnt deserve it” and he already had one of those with sam about the shield but he has another one because he assumed shit about sam when they were being all childish and jealous about someone else being friends with steve but like fuck
steve and sam probably got it
the not catching someone. the way it felt to try and to reach out and to miss and to have to choice but to watch as they fell.
what’s different is that steve got bucky back. he got to have that relief, eventually, even if there was the pain of knowing bucky had been taken by hydra, but at least he knew bucky had made it.
sam didn’t have that. riley didnt make it.
therefore, bucky has his “oh shit”
and bucky was already going soft around the edges with sam (as clearly seen in the last two episodes of tfatws, ESPECIALLY the finale because like did tou SEEZ ALL THE HEART EYES oh my GOD) but it’s this that really makes something in him melt and he just. he loses the last remnants of whatever tension or resentment or whatever negative feeling he may have been clutching onto.
there wasnt much left. but now theres none. now its all washed away.
its gone, and he gets it.
sam is a licensed therapist and he knew the reason he was being all dumb and childish and jealous with bucky was because steve had another best friend but also because steve’s other best friend was the guy that had been a big factor in how him and steve understood each other and how they bonded and it
it had kind of felt like they lost part of that when they found bucky again in civil war and he kind of wanted to blame bucky for it even though he didnt actually blame him at all so all it translated to was that dumb kind of jealous thing instead
but now it’s just them. its sam and bucky and it isnt steve and it isnt about steve and it shouldnt be because its about them. its about the boat and the water and the way they sit and watch the waves while the silence settles over them and the way that bucky says, “im sorry.”
its the way sam says, “me too.”
and bucky says, “you dont have to be.”
its the way they stay there until sarah comes to get them for breakfast and sams nephews convince them to play with them and their friends and the world is still shit and there is so much to do but
but its this and its them and that can wait
it can wait
they can take their time if they want to
maybe they’ve earned that much, at least
(it isn't a fast development because they're a complicated pair and there's so much to the two of them that need to figured out individually before they can even realize how well they work together, but the steps are so much easier knowing that they have the other in their corner and bucky knows that sam's home town is a place he's welcome to go and sam helps him make his own dreary little apartment into something that feels real and tangible with a bed and a couch and when they've become something that resembles stable and they've found a balance and they're okay, that's when they realize that maybe they can try for the more that sometimes bubbles under their skin and that they started to think about the more they spend time together. the warmth that sam feels every time he sees bucky playing games with his nephew and the smile that bucky has to fight to hide and still can't fully suppress when sam stands tall and proud with the shield in its rightful place, and it takes time, it takes work, it takes carefully placed bricks to build the foundation they need, but they get there, and when they do...
when they do, they're already happy, and it just makes them happier, and that's what makes it so much better.
that's what makes it worth the wait.)
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strawberry girl pt 5
taehyung x reader; college au; childhood best friends to lovers au; jock!fratboy taehyung
genre: fluff; major angst lol
word count: 16k
summary: i can pretend i don’t miss you. i can pretend i dont care. all i want to do is kiss you. what a shame you’re not here.
Part 1 here ; Part 2 here; part 3 here; part 4
playlist vibes
fuck it i love you | lana del ray
still with you | jk
la vie en rose | edith piaf
the remedy of a broken heart | xxxtentacion
cant help falling in love with you | kina grannis
sweet night | v
cherry hill | russ
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All of the days had pretty much begun to blend together. There was no difference between morning and night. You just sat in your room, shades drawn, binging TV shows and movies. After the first night, you began to cry in random spurts. It would go a bit something like this: you would be staring at the cereal swirling in the milk and burst into tears because your heart would just seize up in pain; you would focus on the spinning of your ceiling fan before you would realize the tears were spilling out of your eyes; you would tear up as you scrolled through your camera photos just to see his face. Every ounce of your being missed him but there was no way in hell you could face him, not after that night.
You had blocked his number when he began to text and call you after a week. You had hoped he would never contact you, but that wasn’t the case.
Tae: hey
Tae: can we talk
Tae: I’m sorry
Tae: can we stay friends
Tae: missed call (5)
Tae: why r u ignoring me
Tae: u fucked it up
Tae: not me
Tae: I’m sorry that was uncalled for
Tae: can we talk
Tae: pls
Every time his name popped up on your phone screen, you felt like throwing your phone against the wall. It was after a few days of this when you realized you couldn’t take it anymore. You just wanted him out of your life. It became much easier to deal with the pain once you weren’t bombarded by messages from him.
You laid on your bed, with Gossip Girl mindlessly playing in the background, thinking about him. Before the break started, you and Taehyung talked about all of the things you wanted to do since this was the first time in a long time where it would be you two alone at home: have picnics, go ice skating, watch movies all night. All of that, gone to shit. Just cause you fucking had to tell him about your feelings.
Your mom had enough of you lying in your bed all day and forced you to get out of your room. It just ended up with you lying on the living room couch all day instead. You had just gotten a copy of “Freedom is a Constant Struggle” by Angela Davis but you felt like your brain was mush and couldn't bring yourself to read it. One morning, your parents tried convincing you to come shopping and get some fresh air but you felt like you had no energy to do so. You laid on the couch, face squished on a pillow, curled up in a blanket, completely not comprehending the episode of gossip girl you had switched on. The doorbell rang and you groaned, barely shifting, not wanting to answer the door. The doorbell rang again and you rolled off the couch, annoyed. You tried peering through the side window to see who was at your door bothering you. Then you heard loud rapid knocks. Ugh who the fuck is knocking at my door and why aren’t they leaving?
You reluctantly opened the door, still wrapped in your blanket, completely prepared to yell at whoever was annoying the shit out of you, but when you saw him standing there, every thought in your head completely disappeared, your heart completely dropping.
Your voice broke, “Taehyung?”
He looked at you, peering at your eyes behind his shaggy curly strands of hair, shivering in his jacket and sweatpants, “__________”. His voice was shaking, as if he was scared.
You wanted to slam the door on his face, but the way his big brown eyes were staring at you, full of innocence, you knew you couldn’t bring yourself to do that. You couldn’t help but wonder, did he not get the message? And why does he even want to talk to you?
“What do you want?” you asked, sternly.
“Can we talk? please?”
“Taehyung, please, leave me alone. please.” You tried to close the door but he stepped forward and held the door open with his hand.
“You blocked my number. I can't even contact you anymore. Can I just have this at least? Can we just talk once more?” he pleaded. His eyes were filled with a sadness that you couldn’t quite understand. You desperately just wanted to reject him just like he did to you, but you couldn’t. He was and always would be your weakness. Seeing him, standing here in front of you, doe eyed and heartbroken because of your actions made you hate yourself even more. You would rather have your heart broken a thousand times than to see him in pain.
“Okay. we can talk,” you whispered softly.
You didn't want to let him in though. You just leaned on the doorframe, staring at him as the wind sent shivers up your spine.
“Why are you ignoring me again? I told you not to do that. Ignoring me doesn’t do anything.”
“I needed space. And I still do.”
“Space from me?” he stepped closer to you. His closeness made you uneasy. You glanced up into his eyes, and there were stone cold seriousness. You hadn’t seen Taehyung like this in a while. For all the talk of you thinking Taehyung was adorable and cute, he could be just as intimidating. The look in his eyes made you almost scared.
“Yes.” you breathed out, trying to match his serious tone.
“Are you mad at me?”
“I’m not mad at you, just at myself…because I knew this would happen, but I let myself fall in love with you anyways.”
“I'm sorry.”
“There's nothing to be sorry about. It's just I should have known better. It's what happens to people like me. And this is why I don’t let myself fall in love.”
“___________ don't let this ruin you. Don’t let me fuck up everything you believed in. You’ll fall in love again.”
“Taehyung. I’ve been in love with you for years. I just never had the guts to say it. I dunno if I'll fall in love again because my heart belongs to you. I didn’t choose to give it to you and it fucking kills me to admit it,” you felt tears welling up in your eyes. Your voice began to crack, shaking from the tears, “but my heart is yours and you don’t even want it.”
Taehyung had been staring at the ground, scared to make eye contact with you. But once you said those words, he looked up at you, his eyes trembling, “_________ I like you. okay? Please don't forget that. You're my best friend.”
You looked deep into his eyes and shook your head softly, “Taehyung, Stop looking at me like you want me because we both know you don’t. I know you don’t feel the same way, but I wish you did.”
“_______ I told you, I just don't know right now. I just don't know how I feel about you but maybe if you give me time I could fi-“
You cut him off, not wanting to hear any bullshit, “Don’t fuck with my feelings just because you’re unsure of yours. I didn’t mean to fall in love but I did. And you didn’t mean to hurt me but you did. Try to understand how I feel.”
Taehyung took another step towards you, his hand came up to your face, resting on your cheek as he wiped a falling tear, “Why do you need space from me? Why do you need to cut me off completely?”
You pushed his hand away, feeling annoyed at his words. All of this was bullshit. Taehyung doesn’t care about you. He broke your heart and he was just acting now. He just pretends to care but really he doesn’t give a shit about you.
You furrowed your eyebrows in anger, “I just want to fucking get over you okay? Like Taehyung, you have no idea what you do to me. The way my heart goes completely erratic. The way that one look from you is all that I need to smile. I can’t think around you. Because all I think about it is you. I don’t think...I’m capable of being just friends with you. At least not for a long time. Maybe that’s selfish but that’s all I’m asking of you. I’m not asking you to love me because I know you can’t do that. So just give me space.”
He was quiet, not saying a single word. You sighed out your last few thoughts, “You don’t love me the way I love you. And I know you never will. And that’s okay. But understand that just being friends with you and seeing you everyday is a reminder that you don’t love me.”
Taehyung scoffed, kicking his foot against the door frame, “Why did you do that? Why did you have to tell me your feelings? Why did you fuck it up?”
Your lip trembled. You already felt like shit, like the biggest idiot on the planet for thinking he could love you back, and now he was just shoving your mistakes right back in your face, “Why did you kiss me? You keep saying I fucked it up! I didn’t, you did! If you just didn’t fucking kiss me, then this wouldn’t have happened. So why the fuck did you kiss me?”
He took a step back, shocked at your outburst. His voice faltered, coming out weak and soft, “I..I..I dunno. I don’t know.”
You scoffed, “You want me in your life, but I can’t do that. You’re asking too much of me. You’re asking me to pretend these feelings I have for you are insignificant. Something that can be stored away as if they didn’t matter. But it did matter. To me.” You stepped towards him, feeling a bit reckless but fuck it right? you had nothing else to lose. you just wanted the truth from him. You asked, your voice icy, “Do I even matter to you?”
He looked at you, confused, “Of course you matter to me. You're my everything.”
You couldn't help but let out a cold laugh, “The things you say sometimes make me feel like I actually have a chance with you, but then I snap back to reality and realize I never really did.”
Taehyung looked at you with defeated eyes. You looked at him and saw that he knew he had done things and said things that he couldn’t take back.
His eyes were now puffy and bloodshot. His voice croaked, “So where does this leave us? We go back to ignoring each other? You pretend I don't exist and I do the same to you?”
You sighed as you walked back to your front door. you turned to look at him before you shut the door close, “It's for the best Taehyung.”
You closed the door, not waiting to see if he had left your porch. You sat on the ground, back against the door as tears collected in your eyelashes. You know you really love someone when you don’t hate them for breaking your heart
———————————————————————————————————
You left later than planned, purposefully just so you could avoid traveling with Taehyung or even running into him by accident on campus. When you got back to school, Hana was out with Jungkook so you began to unpack, trying to distract yourself. You had told her a little bit about what happened, that you told him how you felt but he didn't reciprocate. You definitely made it seem you weren’t as torn up about it as you actually were, avoiding her FaceTime calls so she couldn’t see your bloodshot eyes.
You slumped on your bed, scrolling through an academic paper you were attempting to read for class but you couldn’t focus. His fucking smile, his fucking laugh, his fucking curly hair, it was all swimming in your mind and you couldn’t stop thinking about him.
You felt your eyes well up with tears and shut your laptop. You laid down on your bed and buried yourself in your blankets. You drifted off to sleep, exhausted from being so emotionally drained.
You jolted awake when you felt a hand on your shoulder.
“__________.”
“Whatttt?” You groaned as rolled over and saw Hana sitting on the edge of your bed. You rubbed your eyes and broke out into a smile when you saw your roommate, “Hana!”
She gave you a hug and gave you a concerned look, “How are you?”
You felt your words get caught in your throat, immediately feeling tears well up in your eyes, “I’m okay. Dunno why I can/t stop crying.”
Hana rubbed your shoulder soothingly, “You just lost one of your best friends. Your heart got completely broken. It’s okay to cry __________.”
“I’m so fucking stupid. I wish I didn't give him this power to hurt me,” you whispered softly.
“Hey, it's okay ___________. I'm so proud of you. You worked up the courage to tell him how you feel. And what you feel matters, so you shouldn’t feel bad about it, okay?”
You shook your head. You couldn’t even explain your heartbreak to Hana. Because she wouldn’t understand. You wouldn’t wish this kind of pain on anyone. Unrequited love doesn’t just make you feel sad. It breaks you down. It preys on your deepest insecurities and leaves you hollow and empty. Because in the end, it was you. You were the problem, you were the reason why it didn’t work out. It's not even that he was in love with someone else. It was simply that he didn't love you.
Hana spoke cautiously, “What exactly did he say when you told him?”
You tried to recall but your mind was a bit foggy as you tried to mentally block out that day, “Um, well he said he doesn’t love me that way. And that he was confused about his feelings.”
“He said he was confused?”
“Yea,”
“Hmm. it's a weird word choice but…”
“But what?”
“Im sorry ___________. I'm going to be honest with you, just so it doesn’t hurt more later. When a guy says they’re confused, they probably don't have feelings at all and are just trying to be nice. That's the only thing not complicated about them. If a guy likes a girl, he won’t hide it and say he is confused.”
“I’m fucking crazy to think he was into me” you said, tears slowly rolling down your cheeks.
“Do you still love him?”
“Yea”
“How much?”
“Why does it matter?” You retorted coldly, staring at your blankets.
She responded in a soft tone, “Why does it not?”
You met her eyes, “Because he doesn’t love me back”
“If you still love him, then you can't be around him right now. But you shouldn’t regret your feelings towards him. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but you’ll get through this.”
You fiddled with your hands, trying to steady your breathing, “It’s unfathomable. I can’t possibly envision a future with him loving me the way I want him to. But I can't get rid of this feeling, that somewhere deep inside me, I still have hope that he’ll fall for me. It’s pathetic really, how much I still hope it’s him and me in the end.”
She put her arm around your shoulder, pulling you into her embrace, “It's not pathetic. You love him, its okay to want him. But I promise you, you’ll get through this, and I'll be there for you the entire time. You are such an amazing person, you are kind and smart and if he can’t see that, then fuck him.”
you laughed humorlessly, “Thanks Hana.” You paused and then whispered hoarsely, “I wish love was perfect as love itself.”
“it will be. Once you find the one. It will all feel so easy and natural when you find your actual love.”
It was silent for a few moments and then she looked at your puffy eyes, “Are you feeling better?”
You sniffled and nodded, “I’ll be fine.”
“How do you know that?” she asked seriously.
You glanced at the window, seeing the rain droplets slide down the window pane, “Because my whole life I’ve been in love with someone who doesn’t love me back. It’s nothing new.”
“Boys are fucking stupid” Hana said, shaking her head.
“So fucking stupid.”
———————————————————————————————————
Hana did her best to keep you distracted, walking with you to class, eating meals with you, hanging out with you on the weekends, always going to the library with you. Jungkook tagged along most of the time but only after Hana asked you if it was okay. Seeing Jungkook did remind you of Taehyung, but his presence didn't bother you too much since he was always cracking jokes to make you smile.
You didn't see Taehyung around campus at all. It was like he was a ghost, completely gone from your life. It almost made it worse because then you yearned to see him, just to see his cute smile, to hear his adorable laugh. You missed his annoying headass personality that made your heart flutter, you missed the way you could talk to him about anything and everything because he actually listened, you missed being the person he could trust the most to talk to about his feelings.
Sometimes you got these heart aches, you could physically feel yourself falling apart at the seams. And it just hurt. It hurt to breathe, to think, to feel. And you didn’t know what hurt the most: The fact that he wasn’t in your life anymore and you won’t ever see his doe eyes and boxy smile again or the fact that you weren’t enough for him and that you’ll never be enough for him.
The pain of him just not being in your life was worse than you could ever imagine. Then, that combined with the realization your love was unrequited made you feel like you weren't ever going to get through this.
You sat on the first floor of the library with Hana, working through some biology worksheets to prepare for class. Hana was talking to you about the new boba place on campus, “They have the best green milk tea.”
“Damn I miss boba. I haven’t had it in so long.”
“Lets go right after this. They have a bunch of flavors.”
You nodded, feeling weirdly excited for just boba.
“Hi” you heard a voice say.
You looked up and saw Jennie.
“Hi?” you said, very confused.
She smoothed out her pink tennis skirt and sat down on the seat next to you, “Can we talk?”
“About?”
“Him.”
You glanced at Hana, who was also clearly uncomfortable. You really didn't want to talk to her about Taehyung but Hana gave you a small nod.
“Fine.”
Jennie looked at Hana uneasily, “Can we talk alone?”
You crossed your arms defensively, “Anything you have to say to me, Hana can hear it too.”
Hana put her hand on your shoulder reassuringly, “It’s okay. You should talk to her alone. I'll be by the vending machines in the back. Come and find me when you're done talking.”
She got up after giving you a smile.
You sighed deeply, facing Jennie, “So what’s up?”
“What happened? With you and Taehyung?”
“That's literally none of your business. Did he tell you something?”
She looked concerned, “No. Well. Kinda. Not really. After we all got back to campus, Taehyung didn't text me or call me. Which is strange because he usually calls or texts around every two weeks or so to hook up. But once we got back, he didn't respond to any of my messages. So I went over to his dorm.”
“And?”
“And he looked like shit. Like he hadn't slept or showered or eaten properly. I tried asking him what happened but he just told me to leave and not to come back. I ran into Jimin on the way out. He said you two had a falling out and Taehyung has been a wreck since. Tae has barely left his room, only for school and soccer and thats with Jimin and his other friends forcing him to.”
What? What was going on with him? Was he really this affected by your friendship? That didn't make any sense you guys had only recently become friends. Surely he could easily just resume his lifestyle to when you guys weren’t close.
You looked at Jennie, “I told him that I loved him. And he said he didn’t love me. I said we couldn’t be friends, at least not for a while. I guess he didn't take it well.”
You thought Jennie would just laugh in your face or say “I told you so”, but she didn't. She pulled you into a side hug, “Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I’m sorry. I know how it feels.”
“Did you ever tell him how you felt?”
She laughed softly, “I didn’t. I was too scared. I knew he would reject me. I guess I was scared of losing him, even just as a fuck buddy. So I just quietly pined over him from a distance.”
You chuckled, “You and me both.”
“I kinda admire that you had the guts to tell him how you felt. If he didn't have feelings for you, there's no possible way he ever liked me.”
You scoffed, “I'm sure he has feelings for you. You're so beautiful. And nice. And pretty. There's no way he didn't like you.”
“__________, you know you're beautiful too. I was actually always jealous of you.”
You were completely shocked, “Jealous of me?”
“Yes! No matter where we were, you could always get Taehyung's attention without even trying. I had to literally climb on top of him to get him to even think about me. Sorry about that by the way.”
“You don't have to be sorry about that. It's not a big deal. Honestly boys are so fucking stupid. I don't know why we let him use us and hurt us so much.”
“Exactly. I hope...we can be friends. Like for real.”
You nodded, “I'm sorry too. I was kinda a bitch to you.”
“Like you said, it's not a big deal. that's all in the past.”
Jennie got up and smiled at you. She paused for a moment, looking at you carefully, “By the way, you mean a lot to Taehyung. I know you're upset at him right now but maybe you can consider being friends with him in awhile.”
She stalked away leaving you in your thoughts. It was still too soon. But you felt better. Some of your sadness that you felt for yourself went away, transforming into a sort of anger and annoyance at Taehyung: he used girls like you and Jennie all the time and would play with their feelings just so he could feel good about himself. Fuck boys.
———————————————————————————————————
You were sitting on the picnic benches near the soccer field like how you used to do, but now Taehyung doesn’t come and sit next to you. The peacefulness of being outdoors allowed you to finally focus on your work without any distractions. As you were studying your statistics homework, you heard someone call your name. You looked up and it was Jimin's smiling face.
“Hey ___________!”
“Hey” you said quietly. You were a bit surprised to see Jimin talking to you. You kinda figured whatever friendship you two had was gone once you and Taehyung stopped talking.
“Are you doing the stats homework?” He said walking over to you, both his backpack and soccer bag slung over his shoulder.
“Um yea,” you said, shifting uneasily. Why was he talking to you? If he was here to talk about Taehyung, you were going to get up and leave. You really weren’t emotionally or mentally prepared to talk about him with one his closest friends.
“I was actually having some trouble with the assignment. Could you help me with it?” He said, dropping his bags on the picnic table.
“Uh sure I guess,” you mumbled out as he sat next to you. Jimin gave you his signature beautiful smile and you felt terrible because all you could offer was your half hearted one. He pulled out his notes and you began to help him with a few of his questions.
Being around Jimin was actually immensely helpful. He successfully distracted you with his cute jokes and charming personality. After about an hour or so, you realized you should be heading back to your dorm so you stood and began to pack up your things.
“___________?”
“Yeah?”
“I was wondering...” he looked a bit nervous, giving you a shy smile, “I was wondering if you want to get dinner together tomorrow?”
You blinked. Was Park Jimin asking you out? What? What the fuck was going on?
“You want to get dinner...with me?” You asked, confused.
He laughed, “Yes I want to. Do you want to...with me?”
Was this a prank or something? Did he want something from you?
“Wait is this like a study dinner thing with a group?” You asked, very unsure.
Jimin chuckled again as he ran his hand through his brown hair, “No _________, this isn’t a study dinner thing with a group. I want to get dinner with just you with no studying involved.”
You fiddled with the end of your hair, trying to process what he was saying, “Is this a date or...”
“It can be whatever you want. It can be two friends getting food together or it can be something more.”
“Jimin...I dunno. I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea” you said, thinking of Taehyung.
He put his hand gently on your shoulder, “If you’re upset about Taehyung, I get it. But that’s why I said it can be two friends hanging out.”
You thought about it and pursed your lips. Why do I give a fuck about what Taehyung thinks? He made it clear that we are just friends and that he has no feelings for me. Honestly we aren’t even friends anymore so I don’t give a fuck about what he thinks.
You slung your bag over your shoulder and smiled at Jimin, “You know what? You’re right. We can hang. Just text me later.”
You wanted to feel confident and happy that you were trying to move on and make plans with people instead of laying in your dorm room bed all day but there was still a nagging feeling of hurt and longing in your heart that didn’t know would ever disappear.
———————————————————————————————————
You wanted to feel the same butterflies you always felt whenever you saw Taehyung, but as you stepped out of your dorm and saw Jimin leaning against his black Audi, wearing sunglasses and a black tee tucked into black skinny jeans, you didn’t feel anything.
He smiled at you, “Hey __________. You look cute.” Again, nothing.
“Thanks. You look pretty good yourself.” You retorted playfully.
He opened the car door for you and you sat in the car, immediately getting flashbacks to Taehyung's birthday party and how he took you for a joyride in this very car. You smoothed out your black pleated skirt and picked at your leggings hoping you would get distracted and not reminisce over the happiness you felt sitting in this car with Taehyung.
You and Jimin chatted quietly about your days and your classes before you realized he had parked in front of a small restaurant.
“I actually have been meaning to go here for a while, but never found the time. Or the right person to go with,” Jimin said with a teasing smile as you walked into the restaurant.
Sometimes you would forget that Jimin was just as much as a fuckboi as Taehyung except with more braincells but then he would tease you, just like Taehyung used to, with flirty jokes and seductive smiles and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at his antics.
As you slurped on your ramen noodles, you found that you and Jimin had more in common than you realized.
“You watch Gossip Girl?” you said widening your eyes when he lit up at your off hand comment about re binging the show over break.
“Of course! Nate is my literal inspiration!” he exclaimed with a huge smile.
“Nate?” you thought about it for a moment and then continued, “Actually, he’s definitely the least problematic one out of everyone in the show.”
“And…he definitely has the best style.” Jimin added as he sipped his water.
you talked a bit about his winter break and his adventures in europe.
“So did you go with your family or..” you asked, curious.
“I went with some friends from home. I wanted to get some of the BTS guys to go with me but we decided to go on a group trip for spring break.”
“Where did you go in Europe?”
“Um, I went to England, then France, then Germany.”
“Oh wow. that's a lot of places,” you commented, a bit surprised since break was only two weeks.
“I dunno. I think traveling is such a great way to relax I guess. Going to new places and experiencing new cultures with friends.”
“That's valid. I guess in my head traveling gives me stress. So did you go sight seeing or just kinda wandered around the city?”
He chuckled, a light blush coming to his cheeks, “Uh, kinda, I guess.”
You wrinkled your eyebrows, not understanding why he was getting flustered, “What? What did you do?”
He ran his hand through his hair, catching a glimpse at how silky his dark brown locks were, “Well, it was like 25 percent sightseeing historical buildings.”
“And the other 75 percent?”
“Sightseeing night clubs” he said laughing.
“So you went to Europe to go to clubs?” you said trying to stifle your laughs.
“In my defense, European clubs are way different so there’s that.”
You raised your eyebrows at him, “And?”
“And what?” he said leaning forward on his arms.
“What about the European girls?”
“Oh fuck off,” Jimin said, averting his eyes and laughing.
“What else should I expect from Park Jimin? European vacation for clubbing and girls.”
“Dude, you make me sound like I'm Chuck Bass,” Jimin countered, his face a complete shade of pink, fully embarrassed at your teasing.
After you two paid for your meals, Jimin walked you over to a cute little cafe next door. You excitedly picked out a slice of strawberry cake, desperately wanting something comforting after feeling alone for the past month while Jimin ordered a coffee. You tried to pay for your own cake but of course Jimin wouldn’t hear of it and paid for it, insisting it was the “gentlemanly” thing to do (you had to roll your eyes at this).
You two made your way to a picnic table in front of the restaurant, sitting underneath the bright fairy lights hung up outside, giving just enough light in the darkness of the night. He sat across from you, sipping his coffee. You opened up the box that contained the cake and smiled, remembering the good memories you had attached with it. You brushed your hair behind your ear and took a bite.
You offered some to him which he accepted.
“___________, I'm not sure if you want to talk about this yet, but I just wanted to ask how you are doing? Like for real?”
You sighed. You figured he was going to ask you about this at some point tonight, “Okay I guess. I mean not great but i'm going on. It’s whatever I guess”
“It's not whatever. I'm really sorry that happened to you. It hurts, doesn’t it?”
You nodded softly and whispered out, “It does.”
You were scared to ask but you knew you couldn’t go home tonight without asking Jimin, “How is he?”
He set his coffee on the table, “Not good. He misses you. A lot.”
Your heart broke at his words. You wished he just told you that Taehyung didn't give a shit. That he was doing great and that he was still fucking Jennie and didnt even notice that you weren’t in his life anymore.
Part of you didn't believe his words, “Nah. I'm sure he’s fine.”
“No __________ he isn't. He doesn’t go out anymore. He just goes to class and soccer practice. That's it.”
You closed your eyes, processing what Jimin was saying. Why is he so upset? He broke your heart. He made you cry. He made you feel worthless so why is he acting like this?
“Does he know you’re hanging out with me tonight?”
“Uh no. But I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. You said this was just as friends so there’s no reason for me to tell him and have him get all worked up about it,” Jimin said, shrugging his shoulders.
You nodded, resting your hands on the picnic table, trying to take deep breaths to calm your nerves.
He stood up and sat next to you, his legs touching yours. He reached over and took your hands in his, “I don't know why he’s so torn up about this whole situation, especially since he broke your heart. I tried telling him that you need space and that it's completely fair of you to not want to be friends for now but he always dodges the conversation. I'll try talking to him again.”
Your voice cracked as you looked at Jimin, Thank you. For being a good friend. For listening to me. For caring about me.”
He put his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his embrace, “Of course. I just really want you and Taehyung to be okay. Both of you are my friends and I care about you guys a lot.”
Jimin dropped you off at your dorm and told you to call him if you ever needed anything. You gave him a weak smile and went back to your room, feeling slightly okay.
You laid on your bed and checked Instagram since you hadn’t looked at it in a while. You noticed Jimin had something recently posted which was kinda odd because he rarely posted on his Instagram story and you were just with him. You clicked on his story and your eyes widened when you saw it was a picture of you captioned with a single purple heart.
It was a photo he took of you sitting across from him at the picnic table. You were smiling at the strawberry cake in front of you. You couldn’t clearly see your face since your hair was somewhat covering it but if anyone knew you, it was very obvious. You were worried for a moment that Taehyung would see it before you remembered you two weren’t on speaking terms anymore. Well, its a cute picture and I had a good time with Jimin tonight so who cares? you thought, shrugging your worries away.
———————————————————————————————————
The next morning, you woke up feeling better than you had in a long time. The weight that you had been dredging around for the past month or so had felt lighter. You grabbed your baking basket and some strawberries from your fridge, finally feeling the excitement to bake in a long time. You also wanted some time to think; a lot had changed since you came back home from break and you wanted to properly sort out how you were feeling about the whole situation.
You tied up your hair, and laid out the ingredients to make strawberry muffins. You thought about Jennie as you mixed the flour, baking soda, and salt together. She was hurt too. You never really thought about how she felt in this whole situation, but in her own way, she was dealing with her own personal insecurities. She wanted Taehyung too and you had him in a way she never did.
You were glad that you two were on friendly terms now because she was a sweet and kind person once you got to actually knowing her. You felt upset at the way Taehyung treated her. He knew her feelings and yet he continued to play with them, just like he played with yours. After hanging out with Jimin, you were also heartbroken to hear that Taehyung’s behavior hadn’t improved. You wanted him to recover just like you were.
But it seemed like he needed you. And you didn't need him. You wanted him, that was for sure. But you didn’t need him because you were moving on. Each day it was getting easier to breathe and to think clearly. You began to mix the eggs, milk, and vanilla extract into the dry ingredients, slowly stirring as you thought. You paused and realized that you felt empty. Like your heart had finally gone numb.
As if it were finally exhausted of the roller coaster of emotions you spent with him: anger, jealousy, nervousness, love, happiness. Your heart burned and burned and then suddenly turned to ice. You mixed the chopped up strawberry pieces with flour then added it to the batter.
It felt nice, not feeling completely overwhelmed with emotions. You thought about what Hana had told you when you came back, that if he couldn’t recognize your worth, then fuck him. And then suddenly you cared even less. Because the only person’s validation you needed was your own. You evenly divided the batter into 12 equal portions in the muffin tin. You popped the tin into the oven and sat down on the empty chair.
You didn't need Taehyung's validation, you didn't need his love, to feel complete. You were complete on your own. You still had sadness for him, you still wanted him, but after these past few weeks, you came to the realization that you were enough and that pining and sitting in your room all day, waiting for him wasn’t going to do you any good. You breathed out softly, trying to reassure yourself, “It's going to be fine.”
———————————————————————————————————
“You’ll really come?” Hana asked excitedly.
You were sitting on your bed, relaxing as you attempted to proofread your essay.
“Ya, I will. I’m not really making any progress with this essay right now. So I'll come.” Hana had been trying to convince you to come to a party all day and you had finally agreed. It had been a while since you went out, especially with the whole situation with Taehyung going on, you rarely left your room. But now, you were feeling much better emotionally and mentally.
You got ready with Hana, opting for a simple jeans and sweater because it was still cold outside.
She told you that the party wasn’t at the BTS frat and it calmed your nerves a little. Even though you were feeling better, you didn’t know what you would do if you saw Taehyung. It was still too soon. The wounds he left still hurt.
“EXO parties are always fucking insane,” Hana raved as you two entered the frat house.
“Why?” you asked curious
“Cuz they rarely have parties but when they do, they go all out.” she said smiling as you looked around. Your eyes widened when you saw a huge tower of beer cans stacked in the middle, a DJ at the front of the house, and several stripper poles.
“What the fuck…” you mumbled as you looked around.
“Jungkook is here somewhere.” Hana muttered as she led you through the enormous crowd.
She found Jungkook in the kitchen by drinks, talking with Yoongi and Hobi. The second Jungkook saw Hana he pulled her into a deep kiss. You were really happy for Hana but it stung. Would anyone ever love you like that? You sighed and said hello to Yoongi and Hobi.
“How is it going _________. Haven’t seen you in awhile.” Hobi said, smiling widely.
Yoongi elbowed him in the stomach and whispered loudly, “Bro, shut up.”
You laughed awkwardly, “It's okay. I'm fine. just been doing school stuff.”
Yoongi gave you a soft smile, “I'm glad you are doing well. I know it's all complicated but I hope we can all still be friends.”
You nodded, “Of course.”
Hobi handed you a drink, “Try this.”
You looked in the red solo cup and it was a blue colored drink, “What the fuck is this?”
“There isn’t any alcohol! It's just a blue Hawaiian punch mixed with sprite.”
“That sounds like a heart attack in a cup.” Yoongi said, utterly confused at the combination.
“I'm telling you, It's good. Try it _________.”
You took a sip and it was very sweet, but not bad tasting. “It's decent. Not terrible,” you said nodding.
Jungkook came over with Hana wrapped in his hard, “Guys I heard that EXO got strippers for tonight. That’s fucking insane.”
Hana punched his arm and Jungkook exclaimed, “Owww. I never said I was going to do anything about it. Just stating a fact.”
You were laughing at Jungkook’s pure stupidity when someone caught your eye. Your heart stopped. Of course he was here tonight. All his friends were. You hadn’t seen him since that day on your porch. Then you saw his arm wrapped around her. Then the sadness that was in your heart immediately bloomed into anger. What the fuck? All this fucking talk of not wanting a girlfriend yet he was here with her?
Hana put a hand on your shoulder, “Do you want to leave? We can go.”
You shook your head, “I'm fine.”
“I can literally beat his ass right now if you want,” She said aggressively.
Jungkong squeezed Hana’s shoulder, “That's my Hana, lovely and scary.”
You gave her a weak smile, “I'm okay. For real. I just need you to be here for me. Thats all.”
You hadn’t spoken or seen Taehyung since that day on your porch. He looked sad. You could tell. You knew him better than anyone else in your life. He was putting on a mask, pretending like he was happy. But you could see it, the hollowness in his cheeks, the fact that he hadn’t shaved because of all the stubble on his face, his curly hair now long and unruly because he hadn’t gotten a haircut in awhile. He was wearing a simple white shirt tucked into a pair of jeans (unfortunately he still did look hot but you weren’t going to admit that)
He walked up to you guys with Jennie by his side. He gave you a glance but you didn't meet his eyes, quickly looking away. Jennie gave you a small wave and you returned it. It was kinda ironic because before you would focus on the fact that Jennie was with him but since you guys were friends now, you fixed your annoyance on Taehyung.
Taehyung and Jennie were talking to the group casually but about five minutes into the conversation, you couldn’t handle it anymore, pretending like everything was fine when it really wasn’t.
You slowly left the circle and leaned on the drinks table behind your group of friends, exhaling deeply.
Jimin walked over, grinning with his beautiful smile, “Hey”
He leaned against the table, standing right next to you, “Hi”
“Shitty party right?” Jimin said, chuckling.
“It just became shitty” you said, sipping your drink, eyeing Taehyung.
“I don't why he came here with her. He literally hasn’t properly spoken to her or seen her since last semester,” Jimin said sincerely.
“Ya well I don’t give a fuck. He can do whatever he wants. We aren’t even friends anymore,” You said harshly.
You and Jimin chatted a bit, and you almost forgot your annoyance at Taehyung. Then he walked over, with a stupid smirk on his face, “Excuse me __________ could you move? You’re standing in front of the drinks.”
You glared at him as you sipped your drink cooly, shrugging your shoulders, “Sucks.”
He towered over you, giving you an intimidating stare, slowly biting his lip, “C’mon _______ don’t be a bitch. Just move/”
Jimin stood up straight, “What the fuck did you just say to her?”
Taehyung gave you a cold laugh and raised his eyebrows teasingly, “Wow __________ you really need him to fight your battles?”
You knew that Taehyung was pissed at this point but you wanted to push his buttons further. You spoke in a calm tone, knowing that would make him even more annoyed, “I don’t, but he does have something called manners which is something that you could use.”
He leaned his face close to yours. You felt his breath tickling your neck as you got a whiff of his cologne, “Aww, I think you’re just salty _________”
You took a step towards him, not wanting him to get the satisfaction that he could intimidate you, “What could I possibly be salty about?”
Taehyung gave you a cocky smile, “Maybe that I’m here with Jennie. It must sting a little.”
You clenched your jaw. He had stepped over the line now. You knew exactly what he was trying to imply, that he had moved on with her. You were mad because he was once again just using Jennie for his own douchebag reasons. You looked Taehyung directly in the eye and scoffed, “You’re a fucking asshole.”
He put his hands up defensively, “Calm down _________ no need to make a scene.”
The amount of anger that flared in you in that moment was unprecedented. You wanted to embarrass him. You wanted to humiliate him. You wanted him to know how you felt right now.
Then an idea popped in your head. You gave him a small smile and spoke in a sweet, innocent voice, “Oh my gosh you’re right Taehyung. I shouldn’t make a scene.”
Then you dumped your entire blue drink on his white shirt and smiled. Taehyung's eyes widened as he looked at his ruined shirt and Jimin gasped in shock. The second you dropped your drink onto Taehyung, Jennie turned around and laughed at what you did. Taehyung's eyes met yours and you realized you might have gone too far. His eyes were dangerous and dark. But if you were going to be honest, it felt really fucking good to do that.
You shrugged and said sweetly, “Oops”
Taehyung growled, “What the fu-“
You crushed the red solo cup you were still clutching against his chest and let it drop to the ground, “Calm down Tae you wouldn’t want to make a scene, right?”
You smirked at him and walked away. You could hear Yoongi and Hobi laughing while Jimin was trying to apologize for your behavior.
Hana was able to find you on the couch a few minutes later.
She was laughing as she sat down next to you, “___________ that was so fucking hilarious.”
“I knew you would appreciate it.”
“It was good. I thought it was funny.”
You knew something was up because she had a concerned look in her eyes
“But...?” You asked cautiously
“How long is this going to go on between you and Taehyung?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean you guys used to be best friends. Are you guys just going to hate each other from now on?”
“I’m not the one who needs to make amends. He was an asshole to me.”
“Both of you need to make amends. You guys just need to talk. I’m not saying you guys should be besties again or anything but I think you guys need to learn how to be civil with one another. This shit can’t keep happening every time you see each other.”
“I’m not talking to him Hana.” You said forcefully.
She sighed and got up, defeated. After a few minutes she came back with a huge smile.
“Oh my gosh __________ I need to tell you something!”
“What?”
“We need to go somewhere private. No one else can hear,” She said tugging you from the couch.
You tried asking her questions as she dragged you but Hana wouldn’t budge.
She opened a door that revealed to be a closet and said, “Perfect. Let’s go in here.”
Hana pushed you in the closet and closed the door behind you two.
“Okay what’s going on Hana?”
She glanced at her phone as if she were waiting for a text or something, “oh um so...Jungkook told me that he loves me.”
“Really? Oh my gosh! Well, how do you feel about it?”
“Oh I told him I loved him back.”
“Did you mean it? Do you actually love him?”
“Of course! He’s kinda stupid but he’s so caring and he loves me so much.”
You wrinkled your eyebrows, confused, “Okay so what’s the problem? Why did you drag me into a closet to tell me this?”
Her phone buzzed, “I’ll be right back __________. Jungkook just texted me. Just stay right here, don’t leave.” She said as she left the closet, leaving you in the darkness.
You tapped your foot impatiently wondering what Hana was up to.
You heard hurried, rushed voices and then the door of the closer swung open. You heard a very familiar deep voice exclaim, “What the fuck Jimin? Why are you pushing me Into this closet?”
The closet door slammed shut.
You rolled your eyes, “You have got to be fucking with me.”
“___________?” Taehyung asked from the darkness next to you.
You banged on the door, “Hana I swear to god let me out right now.”
You heard her muffled voice, “No! You guys need to talk!”
Taehyung pounded on the door next to you, “Jimin I’m not fucking around. Open the door. Now.”
Jimin's voice sounded strained, “I’m sorry guys! But this is good for you! You guys need to figure your shit out.”
You sighed, leaning against the door, “I hate both of you.”
Taehyung whispered out hoarsely, breaking the silence “This is your fucking fault.”
You turned to face him, shocked at his accusation, “My fault? How is this my fault? You were the one being a complete douchebag!”
“You dumped your drink on me!” Taehyung exclaimed, pulling at his now blue stained shirt.
You stabbed your finger in his chest,“You were the one who was being rude first!”
“You went out with my best friend!”
You went quiet. What? Is he talking about Jimin? That was a while ago and even so, he has no right to care about who I go out with!
“Are you talking about Jimin?” You asked, annoyed.
“Who else posted you on their story with heart captions?” he scoffed.
“First of all, it's none of your business who I spend my time with. And second, not that it even matters, Jimin and I are just friends.”
He taunted, “Yea I’ve heard that one before.”
“Why the fuck do you even care Taehyung? We aren’t together, we aren’t even friends.”
He paused, trying to think of an answer, “Whatever. I don’t care. Do whatever you want. I just thought you were better than that.”
“Better than what? I'm so confused. I dont get why you are so angry with me. If anything, I'm the one who has the right to be angry right now.”
“You? Why do you get to be angry?”
“Because you broke my heart! And you're shoving it in my face. You're literally mocking my feelings. First you told me that my first kiss didn't matter, that it was only a kiss and I was making too much of it. And now you're here with Jennie, asking me if I feel jealous of her! Like how the fuck should I respond to that? All of your shitty actions made me realize that you don’t give a fuck about me and my feelings. I’m moving on from you Taehyung. You don’t want my love so I’m trying to move the fuck on. Isn’t this what you want?” You gasped out, holding back the tears forming in your eyes. You just had to let it all out, all of your hurt feelings that had been building up for the past couple of months.
He wasn’t looking at you, just staring at the wooden floors of the closet, “I dunno. I just never thought you would just start talking to new guys already. I thought you wanted love.”
“I’m not the romantic you think I am. I’m not looking for someone to make me complete or to make me feel like I’m worth something. I am complete on my own and I know my worth. I just want to be with someone who can give me the same amount of love and appreciate I have finally figured out how to give myself.”
He made eye contact with you finally, “So what, we’re just going to cut each other off? Completely? Don’t you want me?”
You breathed out, leaning against the door, “I want you but I want you to want me too. I fucking miss you all day every day and you can’t even imagine how pathetic it makes me feel because I don’t even know if you miss me back.”
His shoulder brushed against yours, his voice hoarse, “I've been a shitty friend. I'm sorry. I am really, really fucking sorry. We shouldn’t have kissed. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I don't regret it but I regret what it did to us. I regret how I acted afterwards. I’m so immature. I don't have feelings for Jennie. The only reason why I came tonight is because she told me you were coming. And I knew I just had to see you. But then when I saw you with Jimin, I just felt so jealous. Because that should have been me, we should have been here tonight, hanging out. But I fucked up. You told me you wanted those moments to be meaningful and I stole it from you. And that can’t be replaced. You deserve better than me, okay? But I want you back. I want us to be friends again. Because I’m fucking falling apart without you. I miss you so much. Please, can you forgive me? Can we be friends again?”
You looked into his huge brown doe eyes and your heart did a flip flop. Fuck I still love him. Even though pretending to not love him was exhausting, completely having him out of your life hurt a thousand times worse. God you were the biggest headass on the planet.
You cringed at your own words, “Yea Tae, we can be friends.”
He pulled you into a huge hug and didn't let go. You could feel your heart breaking in your chest, you could never tell him how much he’s hurt you.
———————————————————————————————————
You felt like you were getting a literal migraine because of the deja vu you were experiencing, again. Pretending to be friends with Taehyung while secretly pining for him. It had been around a month or so since you two had reconciled and agreed to be friends again.
But you still found yourself staring at him for too long when you sat at the picnic benches to do work, you still found your heart beating too fast whenever he would lean in close to you, you still found yourself in love with him.
However, it was different this time because there was no ‘what if’ or ‘maybe’. He didn't love you the way you wanted him to. If you were going to be honest, you did appreciate knowing this. It made it easier to try to move on. Taehyung did have one thing wrong: you weren’t talking to new guys. Your method of moving on consisted of trying to remember the hurt things he did to you to stop yourself from falling further in the pit of despair. But for him, you could pretend like you were happy when you were actually sad; for him, you could pretend like you were strong when you were actually hurt.
You were pretty sure he thought you didn't love him anymore. He acted completely normal around you, going on as if you two hadn’t had the biggest fall out in your friendship. It helped, you guessed, pretending. It was something you were both good at.
You were sitting on your bed when your phone buzzed. It was a snap from Taehyung. You opened and groaned when you saw his snapchat. Taehyung had the infuriating habit of sending suggestive snaps. It was almost always a blurry selfie, very clearly indicating that he was shirtless (he told you he didn't see a reason to wear a shirt if he was in the comfort of his own room). You couldn’t help but feel your heart skip a beat when you caught a glimpse of his well defined collarbones. It was so on brand of him, to tease you like this. Luckily, he did have something actual to say and it wasn’t just a shirtless snap.
He added the caption r u busy Saturday.
There was a nagging thought in your head that you had something planned on Saturday but you couldn’t remember.
You snapped back a picture of your ceiling uhh I don’t think so.
Right away he responded (with another blurry selca) come to the soccer banquet w me
Oh shit. The soccer banquet. You had completely forgotten. Jimin had told you about the banquet last week while you two were waiting for biology class to start. He asked you if you wanted to go with him. You said maybe but Jimin told you that Taehyung was planning on asking you. Going with Jimin immediately sounded like a better option. You really just wanted to maintain some sort of distance from Taehyung, it made it easier to ignore the heartbreak. You ended up agreeing to go with Jimin as friends.
you typed i kinda forgot but jimin actually asked me to go w him and i said ok.
he sent a clear picture of his face, his curly hair looking very fluffy oh, ok. have fun.
Fuck he was definitely mad. You nervously bit your lip, thinking if you should go with Taehyung and cancel with Jimin.
You: taehyung just asked me about Saturday. He seemed kinda annoyed that I was going w u
Jimin: ah that makes sense. I just walked into the kitchen and he was eating my leftover dumplings.
You: I don’t want him to be upset.
You: ugh maybe I just won’t go
Jimin: he just gets pouty sometimes it’s not a big deal
You: what if he shows up w a date? idk if i wanna see that
Jimin: it'll be ok. He might not even go anymore. I’ll tell u if he says anything
You tried to occupy yourself with homework and studies so you wouldn’t frantic over the banquet. By the time the banquet day rolled around, Jimin heard nothing from Taehyung. He tried to reassure you that there was little chance Taehyung would actually show up since he hadn’t talked to any of the BTS members about it.
Hana also tried to calm your nerves as she helped you get ready but she had to leave you a bit early so she could help Jungkook (apparently the man was incapable of knotting a bowtie). She told you that she would finish her makeup and get dressed at his room so she would see you there.
You stared at yourself in the mirror, trying to think in positive thoughts. You were attempting to follow through on your mindset change and trying not to only focus on your insecurities. You combed through the loose waves in your hair, adjusting your soft pink tulle skirt. Jimin texted you that he was outside so you left your room quickly, just wanting for this night to be over already.
He flashed his gorgeous smile at you, opening the car door for you, “You look so pretty __________.”
You gave him a weak smile, knowing he was just saying that to be nice, “Thank you Jimin. You look good too. I like your sunglasses.”
He walked around to the other side of the car and drove to the banquet. Once you got there, you realized this event was insanely fancy. Since the BTS guys won the championship, they were essentially the guests of honor, with a few other teams receiving recognition for their own achievements. Jimin explained to you the different awards that would be presented tonight and told you a bit about the other teams. When he kept on droning on about the different roles of the midfielder position, you glanced around the large hall, a bit bored from Jimin’s monologue when you spotted him. I thought he wasn’t coming! He was alone, hands shoved in his pocket, walking coolly.
You internally groaned when you felt your heart skip a beat when you saw his fluffy hair. He was wearing black slacks, a soft pink collared shirt, and a white coat jacket with a black carnation pinned to it (191029 Taehyung). Once again, your thoughts immediately ran to “oh shit he’s hot.” His eyes met yours for a split second and you pretended not to see him, turning to listen back into Jimin’s lecture on soccer.
After 15 more minutes of explaining the technicalities of shooting a goal, Jimin patted your shoulder softly, “I’ll go get us some drinks. I’ll be back.”
You nodded at him and looked for Hana. You saw her sitting at a table with Jungkook so you walked over, not wanting to bump into Taehyung.
“Hey!” She said giving you a hug. Hana looked stunning as always. She was wearing a deep red, long silk dress with a slit running from Her upper thigh. You saw that Jungkook's bowtie matched her dress.
You smiled at her, “How do you get prettier Hana? It’s not fair for the rest of us plebs.”
“Shut up. You look gorgeous. Trying to impress someone tonight?” She said teasingly, looking in the direction of Jimin.
You chuckled “oh no. We’re just friends. He asked me here as friends.”
She looked unconvinced, “Rightt.”
You heard a voice go “ahem” behind you. You turned around at the sound of the familiar voice and saw Taehyung smirking at you.
“Hey _________”
“Oh. Hey. “ You said nonchalantly.
“Where’s Jimin?” Taehyung's eyes sparkled mischievously .
“He went to go get me a drink. He’s such a gentleman.” you said, trying to push his buttons a bit.
He smiled, playing along with your game, “Of course. Except for the fact that he’s never had a steady relationship. And that he’s even more of a fuckboi than me.”
You rolled your eyes, “Taehyung you should probably go back to your date.”
He leaned in close, his breath tickling your neck and whispered huskily “You’re cute when you're jealous.”
Your face immediately reddened and you got up hastily, “Jimin’s probably waiting for me.”
He pulled your arm back to face him, “If you must know, I came alone tonight. The only girl who I wanted to go with conveniently already had a date for tonight.”
You retorted back, snarkily, “If you must know, Jimin asked me properly, not the day before and through snapchat.”
You stormed away, infuriated at your own feelings and how you easily could fall for his one liners. You found Jimin talking with Namjoon, his girlfriend, and Yoongi. He smiled when he saw you, “Oh sorry. I just got a bit caught up. I have your drink.” He gave you a clear glass with a pink liquid, “It’s punch. No alcohol. Don’t worry.”
Namjoon was talking about how he did not want to TA for biology lab next semester since the experience was a bit traumatizing, dealing with frantic and stressed out students at very inconvenient hours (you definitely being one of those students). Yoongi berated him for even signing up for such a draining job along with soccer and studies.
You spotted Taehyung from the corner of your eye, slowly inching into the conversation, first talking to Yoongi then Namjoon and his girlfriend.
You were trying to focus on what Jimin was saying but you found yourself listening in Taehyung's conversation.
You overheard him talking casually, “Yea I’m thinking about shaving my head. It’s just my hair has gotten way too long and curly. I can’t manage it”
Your heart stopped. Not the curly hair. You were literally obsessed with his hair, and he knew it.
You burst out from across the conversation, “Oh my god don’t touch your hair!”
He smirked and winked at you and you closed your eyes in embarrassment: you gave him exactly what he wanted, your attention.
Yoongi laughed “Damn __________ really likes your hair then Taehyungie. Guess you can’t cut it now.”
You felt your face redden even more when Jimin laughed at Yoongi's comment.
Ugh Taehyung was pushing all your buttons. You walked away, annoyed at his behavior. You found a spot where there were little to no people and leaned on the cool marble wall, just observing the party from a distance. You saw Jungkook and Hana on the dance floor. Once again, you couldn’t help but feel a tad bit jealous. You wanted that and you wanted it with Taehyung. Hana threw her head back in laughter as Jungkook attempted to dance with her.
“He’s always been shit at slow dancing,” You heard the voice behind you say. You already knew he would come and find you. He must want something otherwise why else would he be following you around like a lost puppy dog?
You didn't bother to look back at him, “Yea this is like the fourth time he’s stepped on Hana’s toes. I'm surprised she hasn’t kicked him in the shins yet.”
You felt his shoulder brush against yours, “It's bound to happen at this rate.”
You laughed softly about to say something but you found yourself getting interrupted.
A pretty girl that you didn't recognize came up to you two, extending her hand out to him, “Taehyung right?”
He smiled sheepishly, shaking her hand awkwardly, “Uh yea. Sorry I don't know who you are. We didn't hook up right?”
She giggled, “No we didn't. I'm actually from Central University.”
“Ooh the rival school.”
She nodded, “Yep. I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m Yuna. If you're ever at Central for a game, you should totally let me know.”
You rolled your eyes, once again you found yourself in a situation where Taehyung was blatantly flirting in front of you. You blew on a dangling strand of hair that covered your eye.
“Um sure. I'll let you know.”
She put her hand on her hip, “Great. Just dm me on Instagram.” She then walked away, completely ignoring the fact that you were standing right next to Taehyung the entire time. You couldn't help but feel insecure: why would she expect someone like Taehyung to be with someone like you? It didn't make sense. That's why she thought she could flirt with him and pretend like you were completely irrelevant, because you were.
He looked at you, “Wow that was kinda weird.”
You crossed your arms, “Was it? I mean she just wanted to flirt with you.”
“She was flirting with me?”
You blew on the strand of hair again, “God you're dense.”
He shrugged, clearly not wanting to get into it, “Wanna dance?”
You shook your head, as you began to watch Jungkook and Hana again, “Not interested.”
“Not interested in dancing? Or not interested in dancing with me?”
“Both I guess.”
“So if Jimin asked you to dance, would you say no?”
“Why does it matter if it's Jimin?”
“It's just a question,” Taehyung said defensively.
Your tone came out accusatory, “If it's just a question, then why do you care so much about the answer? Why are you following me around? Do you want something from me?”
“I don't want anything. I just want to talk to you. I just don't get why you came here with Jimin and not me. Is he your boyfriend or something like I just don't understand. Why did you choose him over me?”
You looked over your shoulder and you found him staring at the marble, hands shoved deep in his pockets. You wanted to shout “I did choose you but you didn't want me” but you saw the hurt look on his face and simply sighed deeply, “I didn't choose anyone. He just asked me first.”
“Okay.” He paused for a moment then looked at you, “I'm sorry for being pushy.”
“I’m sorry too. I'm just tired. I didn't really wanna come here tonight. And I guess I feel kinda shitty.”
He looked up, “Why?”
You spoke softly, “I didn’t get to come here with the guy I really wanted to.”
Taehyung’s eyes met yours and the corner of his mouth lifted up in a smirk, “There's my strawberry girl.”
You rolled your eyes at him, “You're so annoying.”
“Nope. I heard it. You said I was your first choice. You must not really think I'm annoying.”
“I think you are extensively annoying.”
“Hey! At least I didn't throw gatorade all over you.”
“I already said sorry for that! And for your information, it was blue hawaiian punch and sprite. And Hobi made it. So if anything you should be getting mad at him.”
“Alright, next time I see him, I'll throw blue hawaiian punch at him.”
“Go ahead. I will not be stopping you. But I will also not be responsible for him dislocating your shoulder.”
He winced in pain as he rolled his shoulder, “Ugh, he doesnt need to that since I already dislocated the stupid thing myself.”
You wrinkled your eyebrows in concern, “Why? What happened? What did you do?”
He laughed nervously, “Well, Jimin was trying to teach me how to do like a front roll and I kinda ended up putting too much weight on my right shoulder and it fucking hurts every time I move it.”
“Did you go to the nurse? Did you ice it? Have you taken tylenol or ibuprofen?”
“Um, no, no, and no”
“What the fuck Taehyung! Why didn't you do anything? Did you not tell anyone?”
“Uhhh, no I didn't tell anyone”
You punched his left arm, “Why not?”
“Ow! Don't dislocate the other one!” he rubbed his arm where you punched him, “Because…I didn't want anyone to worry.”
“Well I'm worrying right now!”
Then he had the audacity to give his boxy smile to you, “I know and it's honestly pretty adorable.”
You crossed your arms and scoffed, “Oh my god, you are insufferable.”
“It's not a big deal ___________ .I'll be fine.”
You asked, “Are you in pain right now?”
He massaged his shoulder and winced again, “Eh it's fine. I can manage.”
You pulled his arm, “Cmon lets go. Let me take a look and see if it's actually dislocated and if it's bad we can go to the nurse tomorrow.”
“Where are we going?” he said trailing behind you.
“Lets just go back to your dorm. It's closer and I'm betting you have more medicine than I have.”
You made your way through the crowd before remembering that you should probably tell Hana you're leaving, “Uh Taehyung, can you get the car and meet me by the front? I just need to say bye to Hana really quick”
He nodded and let go of your hand.
You glanced around the hall and saw Hana by the drinks with Jungkook and some of the other guys.
You walked over to her, “Hey Hana! Im gonna leave now.”
She looked around and then giggled, “Ooh are you leaving?”
You nodded, not sure what she was trying to imply.
She laughed again, wriggling her eyebrows, “Are you going to leave with him?”
“Um..” You didn't want to tell her that you were leaving with Taehyung because she would not let you do that but you didn't want to lie to her, “Uh um actually I j-“
She cut you off, “Oh my gosh I'm so excited for you. Jimin is so sweet. Have fun!!”
You thought about clarifying the situation to her but it was whatever now. You would explain in the morning.
As you walked away, you turned around and saw Hana smiling widely and Jungkook giving you a thumbs up. God this is so embarrassing. But you didnt know what was worse: having them think you were going to have sex with Park Jimin when you really weren’t or having them realize you were going with Taehyung, your unrequited love.
You walked out of the building and found Taehyung in his car, waiting for you. You quickly got in, not wanting anyone to see you and he drove away.
He pulled up to the frat house and he led you to his room. For once, you didn't feel anxious. You were only here to see if his shoulder was okay. And then you would leave to go to your dorm. And not think about how much you wanted to kiss him.
You raided their medicine cabinet and found some Tylenol and some muscle pain reliever cream.
You re-entered his bedroom and saw him facing his closet, back towards you.
Your mouth went dry when he took off his white coat and began to unbutton his shirt. He removed his shirt to reveal his honey colored skin.
You quickly looked away when you heard him unzipping his pants. God why is he so comfortable with taking off his clothes in front of me? You tried to distract yourself with your phone but you couldn’t help but peak. He pulled on a plain navy blue short sleeved shirt and remained in his forest green boxers. He walked over, messing with his curly hair, and sat down on the edge of the bed, right next to you. Now you started to feel your heart pound again, his closeness was making it hard for you to stay calm. You hated the effect he had on you. He could make you nervous without even trying.
Taehyung spoke, chuckling, “Are you okay? Your cheeks are kinda pink.”
“I’m fine. Now let me just see your shoulder.”
You slowly pressed on his shoulder and he groaned in pain. You bit your lip, thinking about what to do.
“Can you um take off your shirt? I just want to see if th-“
He excitedly took it off, “You don't have to ask me twice.”
You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. You tried to focus on his shoulder and not get distracted by his really attractive body. You scanned his shoulder and found a huge bruise on the back of his shoulder.
“Okay so good news I don’t think it's dislocated. There's just a huge bruise here. Which I cannot believe you didn’t notice since it’s the size of my hand.”
“Well your hand is small so..”
“Shut up. Anyways, I think you just have to leave it and let it heal on its own. You can put this cream on and it can help with the pain and also take Tylenol.”
“Can you put the cream on me? Please?” he whined.
“God you're so an-“
“I know I know I'm annoying. Now pleaseee!”
You put some of the cream on your hand and put it on his shoulder.
“Done.”
“You didn't even rub it in!”
You really were not interested in rubbing your hands all over his chest, “Taehyung, can't you just do it?”
“It's literally on my back I can't reach it! Pleaseee!”
You huffed, annoyed at his puppy dog eyes that could literally convince you to do anything. You slowly rubbed the cream on his shoulder, trying hard not to think how soft his skin felt, how toned his body was, and how his body was literally radiating so much heat, making your entire face flush.
“Your hands are literally so soft __________. I should hire you to do massages for me.”
You chuckled nervously, trying to hide your blushing face, “Well for you it would be $1000.”
You wiped your hands on a napkin, “Anyways, I should go. I'm sure you’ve got someone to meet.” You started to get up, but he pulled you back next to him.
“I have nothing to do. Just sit with me. We never hang out anymore. I mean it's usually never just the two of us.”
Why the fuck does he have to do this? Why is he still acting so flirty? Doesn't he know it hurts me?
You felt the anxiety building up in your heart, you just really, really fucking wanted to get over him. You sat on the bed, a little too close to him for your taste.
“Can I tell you a secret _________?” he said leaning back on his bed, pulling on his shirt.
“What?”
He gave you his iconic teasing smirk, “You were my first crush.”
He was yours too. Kinda pathetic right? You loved him since 3rd grade and here you are, so many years later, still in love with him.
“I didn't know that,” you said, adjusting your sitting position. You rested your head comfortably against the headboard, crossing your legs.
“Yep, I had a crush on you in second grade. And third grade. and also fourth. Then in 5th grade, all the boys collectively decided girls were gross so I had to pretend I didn't like you.” He said, scooting so his shoulder was pressing against yours.
You chuckled, “I remember that. You told me I had cooties and that we couldn’t hang out anymore.”
“Yea I was kinda stupid then.”
“Just then?” You said teasingly.
He ruffled his hair, “Okay I’m still kinda stupid. But I got better with girls.”
You felt a pang to your heart. He got better with girls and fell out of his crush for you because he probably came to the not so surprising conclusion that there were so many other pretty girls. Obviously his crush on you was because you were just children, nothing that actually meant anything real. His feelings for you were absolutely none existent now. You had to keep reminding yourself of that.
“Is that why you used to pick flowers from the neighbor’s garden for me?” You said, recalling your younger days with Taehyung
He nodded, laughing “Yea I didn't really know how to impress you but I noticed you would always talk about how pretty their flowers were. And thus the romancing began.”
“I appreciated the flowers for sure, not so much all the teasing.” You were fiddling with your hands, recalling how Taehyung used to pull at your braids or do stupid things like get detention just to get your attention.
Taehyung shrugged, “Don't you know ____________ that's how boys flirt. They tease the girls they like, just so they can see them blush and smile.”
“Hmm I guess. Jungkook did that to Hana a lot, and he honestly still teases her. it's so cute.”
“Hey! Whenever i tease you, you just punch me or call me fucking annoying.”
“It's different.”
“How?”
“Cause you're not flirting with me. You're just teasing me cuz we’re friends. So its different.”
“What if I told you that I tease you to see that cute blush on your face?”
This was getting too much. You couldn’t take it. He was doing the same exact shit again. You couldn’t handle being his friend if he was going to act like this. You knew Taehyung was a naturally flirty person but it was different now. You had actual feelings for him and he didn't so all of this teasing and flirting was just shoving your heartbreak back into your face. If this friendship was going to last, you needed to set some boundaries with him. The old you wouldn't have done this. Before, you would have just brushed it off, ignoring all of his flirty comments. But you were going to put yourself and your feelings first now.
You spoke seriously, “Taehyung, I can't be your friend if you're going to act like this. You can't flirt with me okay? Friends don’t flirt with each other. Friends are just friends and nothing more. This is what you wanted so please make this easier for me.”
The mischievousness and the dangerous flirtiness disappeared replaced with your weakness, his innocent huge doe eyes, “Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't realize.”
You stared at your hands in your lap, “It's okay.”
You looked at him and gave him a reassuring smile. Taehyung slowly bit his lip and leaned his face close to yours, “Do you still like me?”
You were taken aback by his closeness, “Of course I like you, I mean we are still friends.”
He leaned in even closer, his nose touching yours, his breath tickling your neck, “No, I mean do you like me, like me? Are you still in love with me?”
Your heart was beating out of your chest, you felt like you couldn’t breathe, he was so close to your face. You couldn’t lie to him, he would know right away. Looking deep into his eyes, you softly nodded.
He broke into his boxy grin and licked his lips, his gaze dropping to your lips, “Good, because it will make this a lot easier.”
Then he kissed you. Hard. He pushed you into the pillows on the bed, his legs planted on each side of your hips, his body pressing into yours all while kissing you deeply. Your entire body was electrified, buzzing. It felt so good again, so comforting, so natural. One of his hands traveled to your face, cupping your cheek while the other pressed into the curve of your waist. Your hands immediately twisted into his curls. His lips were warm and soft, just like you remembered. He softly bit your lower lip and you gasped, providing him an opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. You couldn’t help but moaned against his mouth when you felt his tongue. Taehyung rasped into your ear, sending shivers through your body, “Fuck you’re beautiful.” He pushed his chest against yours, kissing you deeper as if he was trying to get closer.
You broke the kiss, the flavor of strawberry still tingling on your lips, completely out of breath, your heart hammering. You looked up at him hovering above you, his lips swollen from kissing you, “Tae, what..? I’m confused. I cant be your fuck buddy or something. I have feelings for you and I know you don't lo-“
He stopped your sentence by kissing your lips softly and slowly. He pulled away slowly, his eyes dancing with excitement. He kissed your cheek sweetly. He spoke, his voice deep and melodic, “I love you ____________”
Your eyes widened in disbelief, you laughed nervously as you sat up properly, “No, no, you don't love me Taehyung. You don't have feelings for me. You told me that.”
He settled next to you as he took your hands in his, “I told you that I was confused and that I wasn’t sure. I never said that I didn't have any feelings for you.”
You shook your head, remembering what Hana told you, “Taehyung if you said you were confused, it means you didn't have feelings. People say they are confused when they are trying to be nice. If you had real feelings for me, then you wouldn’t be confused, you would know that.”
His words came out as a whisper, “I know it now. I know I love you. All these years, I grew to be in love with you and I think I fell in love with you but I didn’t realize it until you told me how you felt. I realized once you weren’t in my life anymore, everything felt different. I didn’t realize I loved you until I did. And I don’t love the idea of you. I love you. Your smiles, your laughs, the way you say fuck in every sentence, The way you call me headass. I love you more than you could possibly understand.”
For the first time, you were completely speechless. You looked around and blinked a few times just to make sure that you weren’t in a dream. Actually what would be worse is if he took it all back. Just like how he did with the first kiss. You were literally on cloud 9 and then he broke the reality to you that he didn't have feelings for you.
He spoke again “I don't know if this is too much right now but if you want I can give you space. i can give you time. I can give you all the time in the world because I'll wait for you. Cause frankly the way that I see it, you and me? We’re Inevitable.”
Your hand came up to his cheek, “Taehyung, are you being serious? Are you telling me the truth right now? Do you actually love me? I just…I don't know what I would do if you didn't mean every word you just said right now.”
“I'm sorry _________. I was scared of my feelings. That's why I acted the way I did. The way I feel about you is like nothing I’ve felt before, so I was scared. And I was confused. But I do love you. Everything that happens to you matters to me. You're worth everything and more to me. And I want this. I want you. So badly.”
Your heart swelled, you couldn’t think properly not only because he kissed you but also because of his confession that you waited for since high school. You cupped his cheek and whispered hoarsely, “Kiss me…please.”
Taehyung then rolled on top of you, pinning you underneath him. He gave you a smirk that made your heart skip a beat and pressed his soft lips against yours once again. He went slowly this time as if he were trying to memorize your lips. Your hands wrapped around his neck, trying to bring him closer to you. The hand on your waist traveled to the outside of your thigh and he slowly wrapped your leg around his waist, pushing his body into yours. He pushed his tongue into your mouth eagerly, and his hand on your leg slowly traveled up your body just until his thumb grazed the underside of your breast. You unconsciously arched up into his touch as your breath hitched at the contact, never having been touched there before. He growled softly, “Fuck, you’re such a good girl.”
You whimpered as you melted against his plushy lips. His lips left yours as he softly kissed your jaw. Your heart began to pound, you knew where this was going but you were scared. You had never done this before and he had dozens of times with much more beautiful girls. Your anxiety began to crawl over your mind and you exhaled uncomfortably. He felt your body tense so he removed his lips from your jaw.
He spoke softly, “Hey, are you okay? We don't have to do anything. We can just sit on the bed and chill.”
You tried to control your breathing, “No it's not that. I want to but…I'm nervous. i've never done this before. and you have. a lot. with much more pretty girls. I just…I’m scared..I have no idea what I'm doing.”
Taehyung kissed your cheek, then your forehead, then your lips. He looked deep into your eyes, “You’re beautiful, you know that? Like ridiculously stunning. It's honestly not fair. But I also want you to know I love you for you. The way my heart skips a beat when you talk about what you're passionate about, the way you know what exactly to say to me, the way you aren’t afraid of calling people out on their bullshit. You're my dream girl. Also don't worry about not knowing what to do. Let me take care of you.”
You nodded softly, your heart completely elated at his words. You had never felt like this before, so loved, so wanted, so warm, “Okay.”
He slowly began to trace his lips along your jaw and neck, sucking and biting softly with the hot and open mouth kisses. Your mind was completely hazy as you sighed deeply, heart racing. You heard him whisper “mine” into your skin in between kisses and soft bites.
He made his way back to your lips. You uncontrollably moaned into his lips when he licked into your mouth. Taehyung groaned softly, “Fuck you taste so good.” He bit on your lower lip again when his hips pressed into yours. You moaned his name breathlessly, your cheeks completely red, feeling embarrassed at how desperate you sound.
He stopped kissing you for a moment and you realized you were completely out of breath. You looked up at him, his pupils were completely blown, his curly hair a mess, a glint of adoration in his eyes. You tugged at his shirt, “Can you take this off?”
Taehyung kissed your forehead, “Of course princess.” He pulled off his shirt and looked at you with his sincere eyes, “Whenever you want to stop, we can stop, tonight is about you.”
You nodded, knowing he would immediately pause whenever you started to feel nervous or anxious. Your words tumbled out when you saw his defined golden body, “You're so hot”
He immediately cupped your face, pulling you in for a needy kiss. He broke away for a moment, “I’ve waited so long to hear those words from you.”
You smiled shyly, “I've always thought you were hot. I just never wanted to tell you.”
He kissed you softly, “What else do you like about me? What do you love about me?”
You tried to hide a smile, looking up at him, “um..”
He gave a fake gasp, “Um?!”
Your cheeks twinged red and you began to ramble, “Sorry! I know what I love about you but it's hard for me to pinpoint. I love just everything. Your personality, you're so kind and sweet and gentle and you make me feel like I matter. You listen to me, like actually listen and care. I mean you're the one I think about as I lie awake at night. I also love how yo-“
He cut you off with a kiss and pulled away delicately, “You are so cute.”
You anchored one of your hands in his hair and one around his neck, pressing your lips against his, warmth coursing through your body. Your eyes rolled back as his hips rolled against yours. He whispered, his voice low and husky, “Fuck, you’re so needy for me.” He continued to place open mouth kisses on your lips, his hands remaining your waist, pressing into your body.
You trembled as you moaned breathlessly when you felt his fingers slip underneath your shirt, skimming the waistband of your underwear. You couldn’t stop panting into his mouth. you felt his breath tickled your neck, nipping gently, when he praised, “You're being so good for me.”
You were completely intoxicated in his touch, sucking on his bottom lip, responding to his praises with soft moans of his name, with one leg of yours wrapped around his waist.
“Tae.”
“Yes princess?”
“I want you.”
“You have me.”
“No I want you, want you.”
His eyes blinked in realization of what you were saying. He kissed your lips softly again, one hand on your cheek, the other twirling your hair, “Are you sure?”
“Yes”
“Just because you say yes now doesn’t mean you can't say no later. So whenever you want to stop, we stop.”
You nodded, reassuring him you would definitely let him know if you wanted to stop. But you knew you wouldn’t want to. You had wanted this so badly for so long. You trusted him completely, he was your best friend and the only guy you had ever loved.
Taehyung flashed his boxy smile at you. He tilted your chin as he kissed you deeply. He spoke in his deep voice, sending trembles through your body, “I can’t wait to fucking wreck you.”
———————————————————————————————————
You tapped your foot impatiently, waiting by the entrance of the building, leaning on the cream colored column.
He was late. Of course he was late. Even though you reminded him this morning about your plans together. You looked at your phone for the third time in the past ten minutes. No text yet.
You heard the rumblings of thunder, indicating it was going to rain soon. You sighed and stepped into the building, tired of waiting for him. You placed your purse in the x-ray and stepped through the scanner. You walked around and found a bench in front of a large photograph depicting two modestly dressed women looking at each other on beige steps. You stared at the photograph for a few minutes, wishing that the person who would appreciate it the most was here next to you. You felt a tap on your shoulder so you looked to your right and then heard his voice from your left, “Hi.”
You crossed your arms, annoyed, “You're late.”
His curly hair was messy, and he was still breathing heavily as if he just ran all the way here. He sat down next to you and he kissed your cheek, “I know, I know. I'm sorry. I got caught up with Jimin. We were playing smash and then I forgot about the time.”
“Taehyung, I planned this because it was something you were excited about.”
He cupped your cheek, “I know and I thoroughly appreciate it. You're way too good for me.”
You couldn’t help but blush, “Shut the fuck up. I'm mad at you.”
“Aww you're adorable.” he smirked at you, “Nice hickey, by the way,”
You gasped, clasping your hands over your neck. You felt your face heating up, scandalized by his actions, “Taehyung! I told you not to make it so visible. This is so embarrassing.”
“Sorry but not really. I like seeing you blush.” He tugged on your arm, lifting you up from the bench, “Now c'mon, lets go look around. It's not everyday I get to walk around a photography museum with my girlfriend.”
After spending a few hours walking through each and every exhibit in the museum, you were thoroughly exhausted. Taehyung held your hand as you walked out of the museum. It was getting dark, with the soft light of the street lamps giving a warm glow. it was sprinkling, giving the air a cool misty tinge.
Taehyung sat on the wooden bench facing the gardens outside the museum, and pulled you onto his lap. It started to rain harder but the pitter patter of the rain drops on the cobblestone was comforting, reminding you of home. He looked at you with his huge eyes that were sparkling in the dim moonlight.
You smiled, “What?”
He returned your smile, “Nothing. I just can't believe I get to date my best friend.”
You tried to hide your smile, “You're so mushy.”
He leaned in close to you, “What? I can't say romantic things to my strawberry girl?”
You pressed your lips against his, warmth coursing through your body. He whispered softly, “Your lips are so soft, I could kiss them all day.”
You smiled against his lips, kissing him once more.
“___________”
“Yes?”
“I want you to know, It was always you. You’re my beginning and my end.”
You rested your forehead against his, feeling his hands planted on your hips, “From the moment you called me strawberry girl, I knew it was always you.”
Taehyung looked at you with concern in his eyes, “Are you sure?”
“Sure about what?”
“About loving me.”
You leaned away to study his face, “Of course I’m sure. Why do you ask?”
“I’m scared...that you might love me now but in a few years you might hate me...you might fall out of love with me...that you won’t want me anymore. What happens if you see a side of me that makes you not want me anymore? I can’t help but wonder what I will do if you don’t want me.”
You cupped his face in your hands, speaking seriously, “I’ll always want you. I’ll always love you. I always have loved you. Even when we fight, even when we say horrible things to each other, we somehow always make our way back to each other. I know you, I’ve seen every side of you good and bad and I want it all.”
He held your hands that were pressed against his face and said gently, “It’s kinda hard for me to put into words but I love you in ways I have never loved anyone else.”
You rested your forehead against his, letting the rain tickle your cheeks as your lips pressed against his.
author’s note: i love the rain aesthetic; its so comforting and romantic (esp the idea of kissing in the rain) anyways thank you to everyone for reading. i really, really never thought anyone would be reading my writing, much less relate and invest in strawberry girl so thank you to everyone who has been following along w the story! i wanted to make the mc as realistic as possible and insecurities is something that we all have to face. bts has been such an important symbol of self love and im so thankful for that bc theyve changed the lives of so many armys! im rambling lol ty for reading and i hope you all enjoyed the final part of strawberry girl. 🥺💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
tags: @fleurmoon @tangledsparkles @chocolatebelievercrusade @brokenobserver @ncitydreamies @soulstaes @bonnyskies @thelilbutifulthings @busansgloss @imluckybitches @xlectrahearts @embrace-themagic @bts-dreamybaby @belshka @trinbin039 @xxlostinseoul @sheislikearock @madjammil @guksflavor @yn-the-reader @kingjvngins @ggukkieland @waves-and-woods @aa-ronpa @agabud @n-dingscene @daydreamersblog @dionysusrage @coolinwbu
#strawberry girl#bts#bts fanfic#bts fanfiction#bangtan sonyeondan#bts x reader#bts x yn#kim taehyung#taehyung#taehyung hot#taehyung fanfic#taehyung x reader#taehyung fluff#taehyung angst#bts scenarios#taehyung scenarios#taehyung fanfiction#bts imagines
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Like Lightning After the Thunder: Chapter One: Damned Smile
Fic Summary:
His breath wavered as he stared into Katsuki’s eyes. He knew he could get out if he tried. He could knock Katsuki out, hope that no one else would find them, and run back into the shadows where he belonged. Katsuki may have had him pinned down but he was in Denki’s range now and it would take little effort to send a charge through Katsuki to paralyze him temporarily.
It would take barely any additional effort to kill Katsuki.
As the sparks began to charge, lighting up the air around him, Katsuki refused to back down.
–
Katsuki always knew he was destined for great things.
He didn’t think he’d have to turn his back on all he’s ever known to get there.
Rating: T
Warnings: Eventual major character death, implied/referenced child abuse, psychological trauma
Other Tags: Bakugou Katsuki/Kaminari Denki, slow burn, alternate universe - canon divergence
Read on Ao3 (links to corresponding chapter) or read below
Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Fic navigation to read the fic on tumblr
--
Even years later, that damn smile haunted his dreams.
There was absolutely no reason for him to still think about the event. Everything had been taken care of when it had happened― injuries were treated, authorities alerted, information secured, and a press conference to tie it all up in a big red bow. There were no loose ends, no surprise second coming, no physical reminders of what happened lingering in his daily life. Katsuki would have labeled it as done, dealt with, and no longer relevant, shoving it aside in his memory so he could focus on actual important shit.
Except his mind had different plans.
When he was lucky, he could completely forget about the event for months. Other times, his dreams would be filled with nothing but that damn smile, taunting him with its silence. He could usually predict when the dreams would come― the anniversary of the event for example― but other times, it seemed like anything could trigger the memory. He once saw a bright yellow balloon and for the rest of the day, every time he closed his eyes he saw that damned smile, never wavering despite the curses and insults Katsuki spewed.
He wanted to forget it. He wanted so desperately to forget it. For the image to erase itself from his mind, for it to take the feelings away with it. He could deal with the anger, he could always deal with the anger, but when his memory reminded him of the wave of hurt and betrayal that nearly blinded him…
When his alarm jolted him from his sleep and freed him from the smile, he couldn’t get out of bed fast enough. He woke up drenched in a cold sweat, sheets singed and smoking lightly as he unclenched his hands, and Katsuki was, for once, very relieved that not all of his sweat was explosive. He slapped the singes a few times to ensure that all of the embers were put out before heading for the bathroom, cursing under his breath as he flinched at his own reflection in the mirror.
There was nothing particularly wrong with his appearance, if you didn’t count the dark circles under his eyes from a fitful night’s sleep or his clammy skin, but after being plagued by the smile, Katsuki could barely look at himself. His reaction to the smile made him feel weak, like he couldn’t handle himself and that there was something wrong with him. It was just a smile after all. There was no reason for him to react to it like a nightmare, no reason for him to lose sleep over it or to feel overwhelmed by emotions at the thought of it.
Yet when he saw the smile and saw how the corners of his mouth were tugged a bit too tight, how his eyes were open a bit too wide, how the only shine in his eyes were the reflections of light on tears that refused to fall…
Katsuki cursed.
The icy cold shower did little to help distract him from the memory, nor did his morning run nor the steaming shower he took after. He wasn’t supposed to head into the agency today, so he didn’t have any planned beatdowns for today, and yes he probably shouldn’t be hoping for it, but part of him hoped for a sudden emergency villain so he could distract himself by focusing on beating some villain’s ass into next week.
A few hours later when his phone refused to stop buzzing, Katsuki wondered if throwing his phone across the room until it stopped would be close enough to beating villain ass to work. He reluctantly decided that talking to people so they’d leave him alone was probably less hassle to deal with than having to replace his phone and distribute his new number (even if it would give him an excuse to ghost some of these damn extras).
A few individual texts and a group text were the cause of the buzzing. As the group text’s new message count continued to rise, he figured it would be easier to respond to the individual texts first. Just in case he changed his mind about destroying the phone.
Four Eyes (Rocket Legs): Hello Bakugou, this is a reminder about the upcoming Class A reunion. As the head of the reunion committee, it is my duty to ensure an accurate headcount for the event, and I have yet to receive your response about your attendance. Please ensure to respond via the following link by this Friday at 11:59PM. [Class A 10 Year Reunion RSVP]
Four Eyes (Rocket Legs): In case you missed the previous messages regarding the reunion, the event is March 28th starting at 7PM at the Shinjuku Hotel in Musutafu. If you need to rent a room for the night or the weekend, please alert the Shinjuku Hotel staff that you are part of the Class A reunion party by next Wednesday for an event discount.
Katsuki frowned. He wasn’t exactly looking forward to the possibility of being surrounded by all of his former classmates and even less at the idea of being socially obligated to spend the entire evening with them. At least when he met up with his friends elsewhere, he could always claim needing to leave early so he could make the last train or that work needed him to come in early the next day.
He closed out of the conversation, figuring he still had a few more days to decide if he really wanted to deal with his classmates for an entire evening.
Midoriya: Hey Katsugou! I was wondering if you’re going to go to the reunion? Tenya said the deadline to RSVP is coming soon and we haven’t heard from you, so I just thought I’d check in!
Katsuki: The fuck is Katsugou?
Midoriya: Oh sorry!! Typo!!
Midoriya: Anyway, are you coming?
Katsuki closed out of the conversation and moved on to the next one.
Shitty Hair: Katsuki! Are you coming to the reunion or not dude????
Katsuki: Fuck off.
Shitty Hair: Aww dude that’s no way to talk to your best friend, you know you love me!!
Katsuki: I’m blocking you.
He did not, in fact, block him. But he did close out of Eijirou’s texts.
Save for the newest text sent directly from Eijirou, all that was left was the backlog of texts in the group text. It had kept going off while he was reading the other conversations, so Katsuki figured it meant that everyone was either off for the day or on their lunch break.
Raccoon Eyes: guys!!!!! the reunion is COMING UPPPPPP!!!!
Raccoon Eyes: i cant wait to s
Raccoon Eyes: ee all of u guys again!!
Tape Face: lmao you saw us last week
Raccoon Eyes: yes
Raccoon Eyes: an eteRNITY ago
Raccoon Eyes: and like
Raccoon Eyes: kats left early so we didnt have everyone
Raccoon Eyes: so it doesnt count
Shitty Hair: Yeah Katsuki don’t leave early next time!!
Raccoon Eyes: we just have to hold him hostage next time
Raccoon Eyes: or like
Raccoon Eyes: AMBUSH him
Tape Face: i can always tape him up
Raccoon Eyes: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
Raccoon Eyes: tape him to the wall
Raccoon Eyes: and then like
Raccoon Eyes: steal his wallet
Raccoon Eyes: cant get on transit w no moneys
Raccoon Eyes: ei and han hold him down
Raccoon Eyes: i run to hide his wallet where he cant fi
Raccoon Eyes: nd it
Raccoon Eyes: probs keeps kats tapped to the wall all night
Raccoon Eyes: free up his arms so he can have a drink????
Tape Face: explosion palms dude
Raccoon Eyes: oh u right
Raccoon Eyes: he can just have a cup w like
Raccoon Eyes: a REALLY REALLY long straw
Raccoon Eyes: make sure u tape him up w his hands behind his back
Tape Face: you got it
Shitty Hair: He’s in this chat guys he’s going to see the plan
Raccoon Eyes: whatevs we can still totally blindside him
Raccoon Eyes: ANYWAYS
Raccoon Eyes: ure all going right?????
Tape Face: ya I rsvpd a while back
Shitty Hair: Yep!! Wouldn’t miss it for the world!
Raccoon Eyes: what about u kats
Raccoon Eyes: kats???
Raccoon Eyes: KAAAAAAAAAAAAATS
Raccoon Eyes: k
Raccoon Eyes: a
Shitty Hair: I’ll text him separately
Raccoon Eyes: t
Tape Face: he probably has this muted lmao
Raccoon Eyes: s
Raccoon Eyes: !!!!!!
Raccoon Eyes: how dare u ignore us
Raccoon Eyes: after everything weve done for u!!!!
Raccoon Eyes: thought we were ur ride or die hoes
Raccoon Eyes: dont tell me ur not going!!!!!
Raccoon Eyes: im so offended
Raccoon Eyes: how could u do this to us kats
Shitty Hair: Maybe he’s at work today?
Raccoon Eyes: boo
Raccoon Eyes: how dare he prioritize wo
Raccoon Eyes: rk over us
Raccoon Eyes: his best friends
Raccoon Eyes: the suns of his life
Raccoon Eyes: the bit of happiness in the cold
Raccoon Eyes: cold
Raccoon Eyes: cold
Tape Face: coooooooooold
Raccoon Eyes: COOOOOOOOLD
Raccoon Eyes: thing he calls a heart
Shitty Hair: Lmao
Tape Face: its got a bit of warmth
Tape Face: most of it is his temper
Raccoon Eyes: boom boom POW
Raccoon Eyes: well while we wait for kats
Raccoon Eyes: help me pick some photos for the slideshow!!
Tape Face: are you doing only UA pics or some stuff since then
Tape Face: somehow iida managed to not specify lmao
Shitty Hair: The info email was like ten pages, how did he miss it
Tape Face: idk
Raccoon Eyes: ive got plenty for both!!
Raccoon Eyes: momo said pref UA pics but some new stuff is good too
Raccoon Eyes: show how far weve come n all that
Tape Face: oh cool let me get some opinions then too
Shitty Hair: Anyone have any pics of the camping trip from second year?
Raccoon Eyes: before or after todoroki and kats’ fight turned it into a icy hot springs
Shitty Hair: Both lmao but probably before it went to hell
Raccoon Eyes: image.png
Raccoon Eyes: ofc ive got us chillin in the springs
Raccoon Eyes: well most of us
Raccoon Eyes: kats u never get in the water w us :C
Raccoon Eyes: lets go to the beach next time!!
Tape Face: hed prob boil the water w you in it if you dragged him in lmao
Tape Face: spicy acid time
Raccoon Eyes: id like to see him TRY
Shitty Hair: Don’t tempt him lmao
Raccoon Eyes: image.png
Raccoon Eyes: image.png
Raccoon Eyes: image.png
Raccoon Eyes: i got like a shit ton more
Raccoon Eyes: should i send some of THE FIGHT
Shitty Hair: Maybe not
Tape Face: yes
Tape Face: well
Tape Face: depends on how many pissed off katsuki pics youre putting in lmao
Raccoon Eyes: OH
Raccoon Eyes: OHHHH
Raccoon Eyes: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Tape Face: ?
Raccoon Eyes: dude
Raccoon Eyes: do u have the POMERANIAN pic
Tape Face: o shit
Tape Face: image.png
Shitty Hair: I still think Katsuki should’ve taken that pup home
Shitty Hair: They’re matching!
Tape Face: image.png
Tape Face: i also have this one
Tape Face: when she tried to bite his nose off lmao
Raccoon Eyes: kats couldve named her king explosion murder
Raccoon Eyes: or just murder
Raccoon Eyes: p sure she wouldve tried to murder kats at least o
Raccoon Eyes: nce
Tape Face: lmao she basically tried when he found her
Shitty Hair: Maybe it’s for the best that he didn’t keep the pup
Tape Face: look what i found
Tape Face: image.png
Raccoon Eyes: AWWWW YES
Raccoon Eyes: LOOK AT USSSSS
Raccoon Eyes: we look FABBBB
Shitty Hair: Is that from the dance?
Tape Face: ye
Raccoon Eyes: guys what if we recreate that pic at the reunion
Raccoon Eyes: the fits?
Raccoon Eyes: immaculate
Raccoon Eyes: the pose?
Raccoon Eyes: perfection
Tape Face: hotel?
Tape Face: trivago
Shitty Hair: I’m down for recreating some pics!
Raccoon Eyes: yessssss
Raccoon Eyes: u have no choice either kats u gotta do it
Raccoon Eyes: wherever u are
Shitty Hair: Oh he replied!!
Raccoon Eyes: SWEET
Raccoon Eyes: what he say
Shitty Hair: He said fuck off
Tape Face: as expected
Shitty Hair: Lmao he threatened to block me again
Tape Face: thought he said he was blocking you last week
Shitty Hair: Yea exactly
Raccoon Eyes: HOW RUDE
Raccoon Eyes: as punishment for not paying attention to us
Raccoon Eyes: im gonna send this
Raccoon Eyes: image.png
Tape Face: LMAO whend you make that
Shitty Hair: Is that Katsuki with a cat face and ears
Shitty Hair: Dude I don’t know if he’s going to kill you for that or for the pink hair first lmao
Raccoon Eyes: lmao made it just now
Raccoon Eyes: well MAYBE if he ANSWERED us
Katsuki: Delete it.
Tape Face: O SHIT
Tape Face: you summoned him
Raccoon Eyes: NO I WILL NOT
Katsuki: Delete it Raccoon Eyes or else I’m coming for you.
Tape Face: are you coming for the left shoes and shittin in them
Raccoon Eyes: NOOOOOOO not my shoes!!!!!!!!
Tape Face: its just the left shoes tho
Raccoon Eyes: BUT THATS MY FAVE SIDE
Katsuki: What the fuck are you two going on about?
Raccoon Eyes: DONT COME FOR M
Raccoon Eyes: Y LEFT SHOES KATS IM SORRY
Katsuki: I’m not coming for your fucking left shoes. Or any of your shoes.
Katsuki: I will be coming for you if you don’t delete that picture, though.
Raccoon Eyes: FORGIVENESS
Raccoon Eyes: I BEG
Raccoon Eyes: PLSSSSS
Katsuki: Delete the picture.
Raccoon Eyes: ugh fiiiiiiiiiine
Raccoon Eyes: its deleted
Raccoon Eyes: i wont send it to momo for the slide show
Katsuki: Good.
Raccoon Eyes: IF U COME TO THE REUNION
Katsuki: Fuck off.
Shitty Hair: C’mon Katsuki!! It’ll be fun!!
Tape Face: ya it wouldnt do if we didnt have our exploding star
Raccoon Eyes: ill send momo WORSE if u dont come
Raccoon Eyes: nd u wont know WHAT til AFTER
Raccoon Eyes: so PLSSSSSSSSSS
Raccoon Eyes: PRETTY PLSSSSSSS
Raccoon Eyes: PLS COME TO THE REUNION
Raccoon Eyes: ill spam u a lot worse if u dont show us proof of rsvp
Raccoon Eyes: pls kaaaaaaaaats
Raccoon Eyes: kaaaaaaaaats
Raccoon Eyes: k
Raccoon Eyes: a
Katsuki: Ugh fucking fine, I’ll do the RSVP now then.
Raccoon Eyes: t
Raccoon Eyes: YAY
Four Eyes (Rocket Legs): Good afternoon, Bakugou! I just wanted to confirm with you that I have received your RSVP for the Class A reunion. As a reminder, if you need to rent a room for the night or the weekend, please alert the Shinjuku Hotel staff that you are part of the Class A reunion party by next Wednesday for an event discount.
Katsuki: image.png
Katsuki: image.png
Katsuki: Four Eyes is watching the RSVP form like a fucking hawk apparently.
Raccoon Eyes: YAAAAAY URE RSVPD!!!
Shitty Hair: You know him, always dedicated to his work
Tape Face: sweet
Raccoon Eyes: are u guys getting rooms
Tape Face: yea musutafus too far for a round trip
Tape Face: esp since itll prob end late
Shitty Hair: I got one for the weekend!
Tape Face: wbu mina
Raccoon Eyes: booked a room already!!
Raccoon Eyes: kaaaaats wbu
Raccoon Eyes: u should
Raccoon Eyes: we could have a brunch or lunch or s/t thats just us
Raccoon Eyes: plsssssss kats
Katsuki: I’ll think about it.
Tape Face: better than a no lmao
Shitty Hair: If they run out of space or if you decide last second, you can room with me dude
Raccoon Eyes: awww why not a yes
Katsuki: I haven’t asked the other Four Eyes for the time off yet.
Tape Face: is this four eyes no4 or no15
Raccoon Eyes: four eyes no69
Raccoon Eyes: no wait
Raccoon Eyes: no420
Tape Face: haha blaze it
Raccoon Eyes: BLAZE IT
Shitty Hair: It’s number 7
Katsuki: Fuck you, I don’t have that many Four Eyes saved in my phone.
Shitty Hair: I’d be surprised if you had 420 contacts period dude
Raccoon Eyes: would b hilarious tho
Katsuki: Yes, it’s Four Eyes number 7.
Shitty Hair: I was right!!
Katsuki: Why would I ask any of the other Four Eyes for time off? They’re not my fucking bosses.
Tape Face: dunno
Raccoon Eyes: idk maybe ure secretly dating one a
Raccoon Eyes: nd have to confirm that its ok
Raccoon Eyes: ARE U SECRETLY DATING A FOUR EYES
Raccoon Eyes: U HAVE TO TELL US IF U ARE
Raccoon Eyes: URE LEGALLY OBLIGATED
Tape Face: o shit
Tape Face: scandalous
Katsuki: Shut the fuck up, I’m not dating anyone, secret or not.
Raccoon Eyes: thats what they all say
Katsuki: Whatever. I’m not dating anyone.
Raccoon Eyes: kats n four eyes no420 sittin in a tree
Raccoon Eyes: k
Raccoon Eyes: i
Raccoon Eyes: s
Raccoon Eyes: s
Raccoon Eyes: i
Katsuki: I’ll blow up all of your left shoes when you’re not home.
Raccoon Eyes: n
Raccoon Eyes: NO
Raccoon Eyes: IM STOPPING DONT DO IT
Shitty Hair: Hey what do you guys think of this photo
Shitty Hair: image.png
Tape Face: dude yes
Raccoon Eyes: AWWWW OUR FIRST BILLBOARDS AS PROS
Katsuki: Do we really need to send them pictures? It’s not like we fucking forgot this stuff already.
Tape Face: you can be a killjoy if you want lmao
Tape Face: im sure mina will send more than enough to cover for you
Raccoon Eyes: U BETCHA
Raccoon Eyes: image.png
Raccoon Eyes: image.png
Raccoon Eyes: image.png
Raccoon Eyes: image.png
Raccoon Eyes: image.png
Tape Face: lmao why do you have a pic of katsuki throwing ei
Shitty Hair: I still can’t believe you did that bro
Shitty Hair: WITHOUT WARNING TOO
Katsuki: I gave you plenty of fucking warning.
Shitty Hair: Saying “I’m throwing you” AS YOU’RE THROWING ME is NOT PLENTY OF WARNING DUDE
Raccoon Eyes: im always ready to document golden moments
Katsuki: Shut the fuck up. We won the training exercise so what’s it fucking matter?
Shitty Hair: YOU THREW ME!!
Katsuki: Tape Face caught you before you could get hurt.
Shitty Hair: YOU /THREW/ ME!!!!!!
Tape Face: barely caught
Katsuki: Whatever.
Raccoon Eyes: im still impressed by how eASY u made that look
Katsuki: What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?
Raccoon Eyes: o look conveniently timed distraction photo spam
Katsuki sighed as he continued the conversation, commenting here and there on the photos his friends sent for judgement. In retrospect, he probably should have tried to talk to Shion first, since there was a chance she would have denied the time off for the reunion. Although, knowing her, she would have accepted just to force Katsuki into socializing. He opened up a new text message, figuring that if Shion did decide to deny the time off, he would at least have a screenshot to send to his friends explaining the sudden change in plans.
Katsuki: I need March 28th and 29th off.
Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Do my eyes deceive me? The great Katsuki Bakugou, asking for time off?
Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): I’m amazed! Usually I have to ask you to take the day off!
Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Nay, not ask, but force!
Katsuki: Are you going to give it to me or not?
Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Depends! What do you need the time off for?
Katsuki: Class reunion.
Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Oh those are fun!
Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Fill out the proper time off paperwork and have it on my desk by Monday. I’ll approve the time off.
Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Just keep your phone on you in case we need you to come in for an emergency, but I’ll try not to ruin your reunion with work.
Katsuki: Thanks.
Well, so much for an easy way out.
Katsuki pinched the bridge of his nose when he noticed that his phone had already accumulated another thirty texts in the past few minutes, no doubt primarily from Mina. He scrolled through the backlog, sending a few mostly empty threats when he saw photos he did not want projected for the entire class to see, freezing when his gaze met a pair of familiar amber eyes.
Shit.
In his scramble to close out of the photo, to escape the genuine smile that somehow was more haunting than the one in his dreams, he left the group text completely. He briefly thanked his past self; he’d impulse or rage quit the group text plenty of times before that this wasn’t unusual behavior. If he was lucky, his friends wouldn’t have noticed the timing of his departure and would assume he was just fed up with the notifications or the conversation.
Shitty Hair: You okay, Katsuki?
A weak laugh escaped Katsuki’s lips as he read the newest notification. Of course Eijirou noticed.
Katsuki: I’m fine.
Shitty Hair: Okay
Shitty Hair: We don’t have to talk about it
Shitty Hair: But if you want to, I’m here dude
Shitty Hair: I’ll tell the others that you left so your phone would shut up and not to add you back yet
Katsuki: Thanks. Really.
Shitty Hair: No problem dude
Katsuki put his phone down, silently praying for the smile to leave him alone.
When he finally laid down for bed that night, he repeated the short prayer, for a peaceful night’s rest free of the smile, of the hurt, of the pain, of the guilt.
But as always, the smile came.
#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#bakugou katsuki#kaminari denki#bakukami#kamibaku#katsuki bakugou#denki kaminari#bnha fanfic#mha fanfic#story#from the creator
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hiii, i saw that ur request are open soooo, i was thinking something with the reader an jj, something like they both have feeling for each other but they never say it out loud, and one day reader hears jj talking to jb about how he cant relly see any type of dating, sooOo she ignores him for a while and it ends kinda fluffly o smutty or smutty fluffy and shit if u dont mind ofc :)
DAMN. LOVE THIS REQUEST. HECK YEAH!! Tried to keep this under 2k words and just *could not* so please enjoy this 3k word vomit. Love you!
_________________________________________
“I’m living for the thrill, man. You know how I do. Dank nugs and the stickiest of ickies.”
You heard JJ over the sound of the music blaring from inside the Chateau as you jogged up the steps, swinging your backpack off and throwing it on the porch sofa before pushing through the screen door.
“Hey, Y/N” John B waved at you as you entered the kitchen.
You threw a peace sign up and said ‘hey’ as you pulled a chair out and put your feet up to rest on the seat beside you. You hadn’t sat down since 6am when your shift at the docks had started and your feet were killing you. Your yellow vans had dirt on the side so you leaned forward to wipe it off as JJ pulled his head out of the fridge.
“Ah, m’Lady. For you” He tossed a beer at you, you tipped it at him in a ‘cheers’ as you both cracked your cans at the same time. “And how is our fair dock maiden on this beautiful day” He smiled at you like he had smiled at you a million times before, but softer, and like he was seeing you in a new dress.
You smiled at him and chuckled, you could smell the pot lingering on his shirt from here and his goofy grin always gave you butterflies. The sun coming through the window illuminated his soft golden hair and made his bare chest look even more defined and chiselled.
“Good” You said after swallowing your mouthful of beer, closing your eyes and leaning back in your chair.
“Anyways, as I was saying, it’s going to be an absolute and solid banger, my dude.” JJ resumed his conversation with John B while lifting your feet off the chair beside you and sitting down, placing your legs on his lap. “We’re going to be running away from girls by the end of the night, I promise you.” He started drawling circles on your ankles and playing with your shoelace. Your heart was fluttering.
You perked up at his comment, opening your eyes and looking from him to John B curiously.
“What are you two conspiring now” You prodded, taking another drink of your beer.
“Kegger. Tonight. The Bone Yard. You coming?” JJ looked over at you and smiled, his eyes soft. You swore you felt him outline a heart on your skin.
“Wouldn’t miss it” You said half-heartedly. You knew what this would turn out to be – you would have fun at the beginning of the night, then would spend the rest of the night watching JJ pick up touron girls and fully embrace his lifestyle of being an adolescent womanizer. It was a pattern.
You pulled your legs off him and stood up to walk to the washroom. While you were washing your hands you heard the usual lull of conversation drop and their voices become quieter. Your stomach fluttered, you felt like they were trying to be quiet on purpose. You pressed your ear to the door and listened intently, hearing John B say something about eventually needing to stop running after anything with boobs and a mouth. JJ’s voice was still quiet but you clearly heard him say “that’s not me bro. I’m not settling down, as if there’s anything to settle down for here.”
You felt your face get hot and your stomach drop. There it was. The confirmation you had been dreading but fully expecting for months. You had felt a connection with JJ since you had started spending more time together last summer, and throughout the entire school year you had felt like you guys had been clicking. Of course you had been hopeful he felt the same way, you hadn’t pushed it or asked. But you also knew what kind of guy JJ was, as much as it pained you to admit it. Of course he would never settle for a girl like you.
You cleared your throat as you opened the door and flicked the light off. When you rounded the corner, the boys sat back in their chairs again and kept chirping off about the party later. You barely said anything, just walked past the table and out the door where you saw Kie pulling up in her car. You grabbed your backpack off the couch and practically ran down the steps. You heard JJ call your name from inside the house but didn’t turn around.
“Kie” You said with a dramatic exhale when she got out of her car, grinning brightly at you. “Save me”
“What’s the haps my little sunflower” She lifted her sunglasses off her face on top of her head and put her arm around your shoulder, about to guide you back inside. You planted your feet and mustered the best begging face you could.
“Please, for the love of all things holy, take me away from here. I can’t sit there and listen to JJ talk about all the ‘fine ass’ he plans to tap tonight. Kie smiled sheepishly and poked a finger into your stomach.
“Girl. You know he only does that to make you jealous.”
Kie had known about your crush on JJ for years, but had promised to not say or do anything under fear of death. You shook your head at her and looked at your feet.
“Nah, Kie... I heard him….I heard him talking to John B when I was in the bathroom.”
“And?”
“And he literally said there is nothing here for me to settle down for. What more proof do I need?”
Kie’s face fell and she tilted her head, watching you with sad eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that. Just come inside for a bit. We can get ready for the Kegger together.”
You bit your lip and shook your head, stepping around her. So she wasn’t going to save you then. Of course she just wanted to spend more time with John B, you had noticed how she had started looking at him since he had been threatened with being placed out into foster care.
“Forget it. I’ll see you later.”
“Y/N, wait! Come on!” She yelled, but you just waved your hand behind you and kept walking. You grabbed your bike from the edge of the drive and started down the road.
You heard JJ yell your name from the porch but kept going.
~~~
You arrived at the party an hour late and already drunk. You had pre-drank with one of the girls you worked the docks with, and had done little to get ready aside from taking your hair out of its braid and putting shimmer lotion over your darkly tanned skin. You had opted into wearing a skimpier outfit than you normally would have, but normally you wouldn’t be at a Kegger to pick someone up. Tonight was different. You had had a few hours to drink away your pain over JJ’s comment and come to terms with your new reality – the beer (and your co-worker who was 3 years older than you and known for working more than one job on the island if you catch the meaning) had convinced you it was a good idea to wear short shorts and a tube top (no bra which was weird for you), exposing so much skin your tan lines were visible. You tried as hard as you could to avoid JJ and John B and Kie for the first hour, but eventually Kie wandered over to you and stood with a hand on her hip, a very judgey expression on her face.
“You have a very judgey expression on your face” was all you said to her.
“So first you bail on me at John B’s and then you show up to the Kegger half cut and wearing a napkin as a top. JJ has been looking for you all night and said you kept walking away from him. What the fuck, Y/N?”
You grabbed a fresh beer from the too-young looking junior boy who was operating it and smiled hazily at him. When you looked back at Kie she was watching you like you had two heads.
“I just needed some space.” You said before taking a drink. Swallowing, you continued “it’s not every day you get your heart broken” you said blandly, then smacked your cup into hers and said “cheers” sarcastically before walking off.
~~~
Later in the night, after multiple beers and having seen JJ flirting with at least two different girls who were definitely not local, you stood over by the edge of the beach watching the waves pummel the shoreline rhythmically. That’s when you heard a boy say “you look lonely” from behind you. You spun around and smiled at the tall boy who had jet black hair and a Harvard sweater on. He had sparkling white teeth and dimples, even fairly drunk you could see how attractive and well-built he was.
“Alec” He smiled, stretching his hand out. You took it and loosely squeezed, shifting your weight to a different foot and losing your balance. “Easy there” he smiled, steadying you with his other hand.
“Y/N” You said in an embarrassingly slurred voice. You smiling knowingly and blushed. “Harvard?” You said tamely, pointing your cup hand at his sweater.
He nodded and flicked his hair, smiling. He started to say something but just past him you saw JJ standing next to a crowd, looking over at you. You felt your stomach plummet and your face get hot. He raised his hand to wave, but you stared back blankly. Perfect, this guy will do nicely. You thought and grabbed Alec’s face as he was mid-sentence, pressing your lips to his. He had frozen at first, but had quickly recuperated and started kissing you back, his hands moving to your back and butt. He was either more drunk then he looked, or he was a floozy. Probably the latter, being a Harvard kook.
You got lost in his mouth and his hands and his embrace for a few minutes until you heard someone clear their throat behind you.
“Y/N, time to go, bus is leaving.” The two of you broke apart and looked behind Alec to see JJ standing rather close, his arms crossed over his chest, unimpressed.
“Get lost, kid” Alec said to JJ, looking back at you and ducking his head to kiss you again.
“Seriously, Y/N. Come on.” JJ insisted. You both ignored him. “Alright, Kook. Kindly fuck off now.” JJ slammed his hands onto Alec’s shoulders and pulled him backwards off of you.
Alec spun around to shove JJ and JJ pushed his chest out, standing tall and matching Alec’s tall 6ft stature. They stood face to face, eyeing each other up and down.
“What’s your problem man?” Alec pushed JJ away from him with one hand.
“You’re mackin on my girl is my problem. Beat it!”
Alec looked from JJ back to you and rose his eyebrows before throwing his hands up and walking away muttering “control your girl then man, not my problem.”
“What the fuck, JJ!” You exclaimed, glaring at him. Your mind was still reeling, you hadn’t missed where he had said ‘mackin on my girl’.
“I told you, bus is leaving. You know the rules.”
“I’m not leaving with you.” You said with an ‘as if’ expression on your face. “I’m good. See ya”
You started to walk past him when you felt his arm reach out to block you. He looked over at you with a confused expression and moved to stand in front of you. Your eyebrows shot to 11’s as you stared at him.
“Seriously?” You said with an annoyed tone, trying to shove him out of the way.
“You’re drunk, Y/N. Let’s go.”
“I’m fine, like I said. And I’m not leaving with you, like I said.”
JJ looked equal parts confused and hurt now, but he stood his ground and held his arm out again when you tried to walk around him.
“What’s going on with you?” He said in a quieter tone now, trying to hold eye contact with you. You felt the sensation creeping back into your stomach that you felt so many times last summer and throughout the school year, the butterflies and the adrenaline. “Did you even know that guy?”
“No.” You stood firm and kept your head up. JJ looked at you expectantly and shook his head.
“Then what? What was that?”
“Oh, god JJ seriously? What!” You were raising your voice now. “I’m not allowed to have a little fun too? You’re such a fucking hypocrite.” You felt like you were sobering up slowly, but your words were still slurring lightly.
“What are you talking about?” JJ looked dumbfounded.
“Yeah, sure. Okay JJ. Whatever” You rolled your eyes and took a step back so you could breathe properly again, standing that close to him was suffocating. His eyes were wide and his face was genuinely confused. He opened his mouth to speak but raised his shoulders instead, pleadingly.
“Seriously? God…I heard you, okay? I heard you talking to John B. I heard you say that you weren’t the dating type, that there was nothing here for you to settle for anyways. I got it. Message received. So don’t act confused when I want to move on alright? That fucking hurt, man.”
Once you had finished your shoulders had slumped and you felt deflated. Oh, good lord. You hadn’t meant for the word vomit to come out that fast or at all really. Awesome, well done.
JJ looked taken back, then he looked concerned, then he settled on looking upset. He closed his eyes and ran his hand over his face, turning around for a second before turning back to you, putting his hands on his hips briefly.
“Y/N….” He started, taking a step towards you, but you stepped back and put your hands up.
“It’s fine. I just….forget it.” You said, then a wave of confidence hit you and you perked up, taking a step towards him. “It’s just…we had the best summer, you know? Like, the best summer. And this year was like…the best year I’ve had, ever. And now this. I don’t know, it just sucks.” You watched the shock wash over JJ’s face and felt suddenly guilty. “Forget it, its fine. I don’t know why I expected anything, I know I’m just…me” You looked down at your feet and suddenly felt very dizzy. You swayed on your feet and felt JJ’s hand reach out to steady you. He took a step closer and was directly in front of you now.
“Y/N, hey. Hey” He said until you looked up at him, startled by how close he suddenly was. His face was gentle but firm. He saw your face, probably looking slightly green, and walked you over to a log to sit down. He sat so close to you that your legs were firmly pressed together, he kept a hand on your arm and adjusted his seat to face you more directly.
“You never…said anything.” He said quietly, his eyes on you. “I thought you…ugh”
You looked over at him, embarrassed and fuzzy. Probably blushing. Fantastic. He looked at you with a smile now, newly happy about something.
“What” You poked, confused why he was suddenly in a good mood.
“I mean come on, Y/N. Look at you. You’re….way out of my league.” He was almost laughing.
“What” You said, now squinting to see him better, practically glaring.
“I always just…resigned myself to thinking you would end up with like…I don’t know a pogue Harvard sweater over there” He pointed to the direction Alec had walked off in. “I’m like…a dirty but moderately smart street rat.” He said mildly joking, but you could hear the insecurity undertone.
You felt your chest constricting and your heart pounding. Was he joking? He must be joking. You stared at each other for a few silent moments until you finally broke the tense silence.
“JJ you aren’t even moderately smart if you didn’t notice. I wasn’t that discreet.” You said quietly, looking at your lap again.
You opened your mouth to say that it was fine and you understood but as soon as you started to talk you felt JJ move towards you and lift his hand to your face and then suddenly he was pulling you towards him, kissing you firmly. Your brain and your heart and your chest and your stomach exploded with fire and adrenaline and you could feel your limbs numbing. You had wanted to kiss JJ for so long but now it was happening and you were so drunk and you had made such a fool of yourself and you didn’t know what to do so you kissed him back and tried to enjoy the feeling of his lips on yours. After a few seconds he pulled away and looked at you, then smiled and broke into a grin so big his dimples were practically squishing into his eyes.
You felt so warm and so happy that you melted towards JJ again and kissed him until your lips were sore and the music had died down and you heard someone clearing their throat.
“Bus is actually leaving” Kie smiled at you when you looked over JJ’s shoulder. She winked and walked backwards towards where Pope and John B were gathered, finishing their drinks and whistling.
“No pogue on pogue macking!” Pope shouted over at you, laughing as John B whistled and threw his empty cup towards you, hitting JJ in the arm. JJ waved them off and pulled you into his chest, laughing as the crew started littering a collection of empty cups at the two of you and yipping and hollering. You nuzzled into JJ’s chest, not quite ready for the moment to be over yet, and smiled. Finally.
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so, falling in love? the greatest thing in the world. makes u feel invencible like you could swallow the entire world raw and nobody could stop you. You'd like to think you could go on and on forever talking about love but its been so long you dont even remember anymore
getting your heart broken? well that is something. at first you feel like its the end of the world. And you know what? it kinda is. not in the "im going to die because of this" way, but instead, its like you wake up from the haze and reality hits you in the chest so damn hard it takes your breath away. it is raw and the most painful thing in the world, to think the person you trusted and loved more than anyone just betrayed your trust and stabbed you in the back. its not that they're unfaithful the thing that hurts, not entirely, but rather that they knew it would hurt you, and they did it all the same. and then lied about it. And you know damn well that once you start telling lies you can never stop and now you're like a snowball tumbling down getting bigger as the moments pass by, but its all gonna come crashing down inevitably. its losing the trust you had put in that person and now you cant even believe your etes because nothing seems true anymore. Is the sky really blue? The grass green? Or am i just blind to the truth?
trying to work things out means forgiveness and apologies and forgetting and getting over. it truly means turning the page around, period. there's no other way, you can't bend this to work like you'd like. Because that's when things get ugly. And i mean really fucking ugly and you feel like you've lost yourself because suddenly you're acting like you've never have before, like you said you never would. And its new and terrifying and so bad and ugly you're scared you're stepping into the darkest version of you and you don't even recognize yourself.
you start asking yourself questions, like what have they done to me? but also what have i allowed people to turn me into? and also why? Mostly why. And you can't wrap your head around this, because life was like a bliss and you felt divine but now you feel like someone's attached an anchor to your ankle and thrown you to the deepest ocean and youre sinking and drowning and struggling, and you know life changes fast but why did it have to change to this? did i really deserve it?
but you didn't deserve it. The betrayal and feeling like dying and the depression and that one time when you first stepped outside your house in the aftermath, after weeks of being in bed and not sleeping at all barely eating and crying yourself to sleep, and you couldn't keep the tears from falling or the sobs from coming out your mouth because you were overwhelmed. You didnt deserve it, and you werent responsable for that either. None of it was your fault, and maybe the guilt of "what if i had done anything different?" will leave your body someday.
But it was them. They're the ones that screwed you over and then claimed to love you. You can understand now, though, that they're humans because we all are and we all make mistakes. But you can't forgive, him treating you like a fool and lying and going behind your back. You've never forgotten nor forgiven. And you had to get back at him didn't you? Had to have your revenge.
But he didn't deserve it either and that eats you up but you wont do anything about it because its not your place to do so. Because you'll try to justify yourself but you were in the wrong. Tried to convince yourself you were over and done, could fall in love again, and he wasnt a rebound. Nope, not all. He was the real thing. But you know now you were lying to yourself back then. He was convenient. And willing. And you kinda liked but you know he liked you a lot so you took advantage. I know its no fair putting it in those words, its not like you were conscious about what you were doing, so far down in denial, but its what you did anyway and now you have to own up to it. Now youve hurt a lot of people and yourself too, some didnt deserve it and some did, just because you tried to cover up your feelings. How did that work out for you, baby girl?
Getting back with an ex is a big no-no, you've learnt your lesson or you're starting to, trying to, wanting to. Because the shit thats in the past should fucking stay in the past. Its there for a reason anyway, digging it up will amount to nothing eventually. And im talking about feelings and emotions and situations and friendships and lovers. The whole deal. Whats dead should say well, dead. It died right? And trying to bring it back to life will make it morph into something new. But if youre lucky, like really fucking lucky, the new thing will be good and bright and beautiful. But if youre like me? Luck has never been on our side. And now the zombie will try to please you and you'll try to please him too until you find yourself reaching for the shotgun and pointing it right to them while they're coming for you.
Because the new is gonna be so exciting at first, like you've been missing out on life all the time you've been away from them like you finally can breath. But then the spell is over and reality hits you and guess what? It's ugly, obviously. It always was but you just didnt wanna see it but now the curtain is up and the blindfold is gone and you have to go and confront yourself and tell yourself the truth.
It'll be ages till you listen though. Denial, again. I kinda feel like that's become our thing. And nasty little habit, that is. And even when you finally start to listen, you will withdraw again. Reach out for the cover again. Because the truth is ugly and painful and you dont want that. You dont want to believe your fairytale love doesnt get happy ending, probably never will. And it will come crashing down and burning, like it has in the past, like you've so desperately tried to avoid. No one wants to face that
But life is what it is whether you like it or not and avoiding the inevitable will only make things harder and thats right - uglier. But maybe if you could hold on into that last bright thing... maybe you could fix it all. But you know you can't.
Too much shit has happened now. You've got baggage now. Not that you didn't have it before from your insecurities and years of teenage depression but it wasnt like this. Never like this. Back then you didn't like your self but you trusted your convictions and rules and now that you've done all the shit you said you wouldn't, who are you now? What do you believe in anymore? Do you believe in anything? Now you second guess.
You would have jumped had he asked. Would have done anything for him, and it sounds pretty but it isn't and you've lost yourself so damn deep you're never finding that again so it would be better to rebuild from scratch, right? But now you're longing and nostalgic for who you were, and what it was and how you felt. Like walking on clouds.
But then it hits you and you feel like you can't even breath: you don't feel like that anymore. And even if you want to turn your head away from this you can't. And now you have to do something. You owe it to yourself, after all. Can't waste more of her heart and time.
And it's a slow path. Bunch of rocks in the way. It's hard to walk and you keep turning back but keep walking forward because it's the only thing to do, even if you want to go back, and you want, but you cant. Hoping that you wont. Even if it hurts. For you.
And here we are at the end of things. The end of the world. The world you built for yourself and him that no longer will be and everything will die with it, the inside jokes and knowing each other and the old memories and the new memories and everything in between. Breaking up, if it was true love, will feel like dying because parts of you will (the ones you were with him and the ones he takes with you) and will feel like the world is shattering around you because it is.
Falling out of love? Not as fun as falling in. But you learn more. Lose a lot more than just people, but you lose perspective on the beauty of life and of love. Especially love. You become bitter and cynical. You desperately want to view life bright again because now it feels as if someone dimmed the lights. And at the same time you want to embrace the new thoughts. Arent sure which one is the bad and which the good, or if there is a good or bad at all, and now you're confused and conflicted.
It takes time. I'm still trying to figure out.
#txt#personal#october 2020#22 years old#i just kinda summed up the last three years of my life here#private diary
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More love for Semi please? Anything will do, your writing is exquisite in any form anyway :D
» Word Count: 1,857 wordsCross-posted on AO3
SORRY THIS IS SO LATE :(( I actually wrote three chapters’ worth of content for him already and you can read the whole thing on the ao3 link.(NOTE: This is based on the current events of the final arc of the Haikyuu manga. I tagged it as a spoiler but I won’t really go into the specifics of what’s going on. Semi is our main focus here ^__^)
—
“Please?”
“No,” was your flat reply.
Semi heaved a long sigh, mouth twitching into an irritated grimace. You returned his reaction with a sassy look of your own—one, finely penciled brow quirked as bright, red lips rivalled the adamance that Semi brought about. While you were in no position to tell him to just go back to his cubicle and get today’s work done (you, sadly, held the same position in office), you at least had the right to turn him down. Your department had a monthly financial report coming up. Why on Earth did he want your help writing a song?
“Come on,” he groaned. “You know I’d eat my fist first before asking for your help, but our manager really digs your old pieces from college.”
Your eye twitched.
“Way to beg for someone’s aid in a time of dire need,” you bit back sarcastically. “Go do it then.”
“What?”
“Eat your whole fist.” You gave him a pointed look, even making a show of paying attention by putting your pen down.
Your co-worker let out a frustrated groan, fingers carding through his messy, ashen hair. The gesture made the tattoos on his chest visible for a second, before disappearing again behind his barely done button-up. It was a mystery, how a man like him made it as a public servant—with his flamboyant piercings and tip-dyed hair—but you supposed you should learn to look past physical appearances. The agency allowed it, so why should you make a fuss?
Ah, right. Semi Eita was the most hot-headed man in your department, and he had a knack for picking fights with you.
“If you get the balance sheet done by five o'clock, I might reconsider,” you told him, not really meaning the words, as you directed your attention back at the paperwork on your desk. Balance sheets are the toughest to fill out, since the data needed had to be collated from different sectors of the city. You highly doubted that Semi, with his thinner-than-a-strand-of-hair patience, could finish it in one sitting.
“Deal.”
Your gaze hardened as you looked back up at him. “Come again?”
“Are you deaf?” he asked, folding lean arms across his chest. “I said it’s a deal.”
You couldn’t help the snort that made its way past your lips. Whatever his reasons may be, it was painfully obvious that he was desperate. But still. You knew that he wouldn’t be able to carry out the deed in your given deadline, but instead of talking him out of his own agreement, you merely shook your head in acceptance.
Semi eventually stalked off to his cubicle; the one just in front of yours. There was a divider that separated each employee’s workspace from the others, and it at least granted some semblance of privacy from outside gazes. You’ve been to Semi’s cubicle a couple of times—more to coordinate paperwork than engage in conversation, really—and he decorated his personal space exactly how a part-time rock band vocalist would. Though he didn’t exactly put up posters and painted the walls black, he added his own flair to his desk with guitar figurines, neon stickers on his desktop, and a photo of his bandmates enclosed in a sparkly picture frame.
The only reason you bothered looking so closely was the fact that you also went to the same university together (under the same degree, too!) You’ve always been keen around him, with his loud way of living, as opposed to you, who’s always chosen to live simply and without pretentiousness. Sure, the disparity between your lifestyles had caused you to be at each other’s throats since freshman year, but it was still a surprise that your synergy was top notch. You would, as Semi put it so delicately, eat your fist first before admitting to the fact, but it’s a given that you preferred to work with him instead of other, unfamiliar people.
You sighed, brandishing a bored look at the bleak document in front of you. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to help him out…
But when you recalled every time he’s talked over you during board meetings, sneered at you when he got a higher score during exams, and his distateful behavior in general, you steeled your resolve.
Either he’s going to get that balance sheet over with or he’ll keel over. If he wanted your help, he’s going to have to work for it.
—
You were in the middle of fixing your belongings when the sound of a stack of papers hitting your desk rang in your ears.
“There,” Semi said breathlessly, making you look up at him in surprise. He even tossed a flash drive on top of the papers he deposited, where you saw the city hall’s heading printed in full color. You reluctantly checked your phone for the time. 16:57, it said, in a mockingly bold typeface before shoving it in your pocket.
The damn guy really did get it done before five.
“The electronic document is saved in there, in case you lose the print.” He was panting at this point, and you had a vague idea as to why he looked like he just ran a marathon. The one printer in your department (this year’s budget was cut) broke down a few days ago, and the nearest functional one was at the Logistics office three floors down.
Still refusing to believe it, you peered at the documents he just brought in. You scanned each of the entries printed on each page. That’s when you realized that Sendai City’s expenses have skyrocketed since the new year because the list of expenses occupied a whole page alone. A worried sigh made its way past your lips, but at least the liabilities were cut down to a minimum. You heard that the governor of Miyagi was going to pledge a few hundred thousand yen for the city’s founding anniversary, too.
You paused. Blinking, you rearranged the papers neatly back into its pile—biting back the urge to clutch your wounded pride. Semi was looking at you expectantly, like he wanted you to praise his flawless bookkeeping.
In actuality, his determination was beginning to freak you out.
“Why do you want me to help you so badly?” you asked, voice almost trembling. “Seriously, dude. I thought we hated each other. Quit acting out of character.”
“I told you, our manager really liked the songs you composed back in senior year,” he drawled, tired of having to repeat himself.
Your face twisted in confusion. “Who even is this manager of yours?”
There was a half-second delay in his response, but before you could paint a reason for his hesitation, he immediately replied with, “Saito. Saito Makoto.”
You stiffened, gaze going rigid at the mention of that name. “Oh.”
“Yeah. If I manage to give him a piece by the end of the month, he’ll help us sign a contract with a big-shot record label,” Semi explained, oblivious to your discomfort.
“But haven’t you been writing songs since high school?” you wondered aloud. “That’s what you said during our Pol-Gov class ice breaker.”
He frowned. “You still remember that?”
Okay. You kept forgetting that your sharp memory wasn’t always a praiseworthy thing. You gulped, feeling the heat creep up your face. “Um, anyway, the point still stands. You’ve been writing songs for God-knows-how-long, and while I’m not one to dish out compliments especially to you, I’m pretty sure they’re okay if you managed to gather a decent fanbase.”
He rolled his eyes, leaning against the divider of your cubicle. “We’re a rock band. I write rock songs, but Saito wants me to write a goddamn love song.”
Typical Saito. Though he looked like a rugged high school delinquent, he was awfully sentimental when it came to music. He was the one who inspired you to write the songs Semi was pestering you about all day after all…
“Fine,” you relented. “I never go back on my word and since you did a…good job with this, I’ll help you out.”
His light brown eyes lit up for a moment, but Semi managed to mask his relief in a split second—containing his excitement in a single nod. “Are you free this Saturday? You can come by my place and we could start getting to work.”
Well, that was forward of him. You expected to work on the song in a coffee shop or something, but he went on ahead and invited you to his own humble abode anyway. You parsed through your weekend plans in your mind, and once you confirmed that you were free, you scribbled down your phone number on a sticky note. Almost five years of acquaintance and you’d never bothered giving it to him. Huh.
“Just text me the time and place,” you told him, pocketing the flash drive as you slipped the balance sheet in one of the empty folders in your organizer. “You better not pull anything funny and lead me to a secluded alley or something.”
Semi scoffed, folding the piece of paper and sticking it inside his trousers. “As if.”
You then slung your bag across your shoulders, grinning insincerely. “Glad we’re on the same page, then.”
“Yeah, whatever.”
With that, Semi exited your cubicle, leaving you no room to wonder why he didn’t even spare a quick ‘thank you’.
Just as you were smoothing out the creases on your pencil skirt, your phone began buzzing in the pocket of your blazer. Brows raised, you fished it out and unlocked it.
From: Makohey, wanna grab some dinner? its on me :3
Speak of the devil. You swallowed the lump in your throat, fingers shakily managing to type a coherent reply.
To: MakoYeah sure. Where to tho
From: Makocan we get some italian? ik u love the udon place across the street but akane’s having dinner w her friends there
From: Makocant have her seeing us together now do we
The way he put that so casually made your chest constrict with a too-familiar sensation. You heaved a deep breath, pursing your lips into a thin line as you sent a quick “Ok” text to end your conversation. Saito replied with those iffy heart-eyed emojis that he only ever used when he wanted something from you, and you had to compose yourself so you wouldn’t burst into tears right there.
“Oi.”
You almost jumped at the sound of Semi’s voice as he peered inside your cubicle once more. He clutched his suitcase in one hand, eyeing you curiously.
“What do you want?”
“You’re headed uptown, too, right?” he asked, and you nodded reluctantly. “Thought you’d want a lift.”
“Semi, just because I’m helping you achieve your dreams, doesn’t mean you have to be nice to me.” You laughed softly, tension easing from his uncalled for kindness.
He, however, looked unconvinced. “Do you want a ride or not?”
You raised your hands in defeat, managing a genuine smile. “Alright, fine. It’ll be a hellish commute anyway.”
You liked to think that that’s how you started becoming friends with your odd, hot-headed co-worker.
#haikyuu!!#semi eita#semi eita x reader#shiratorizawa#hqscenario#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu fanfiction#haikyuu spoilers#hq headcanons#hq!! headcanons
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OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 19
IN THIS EPISODE OF MURPHY IS SCREAMING, CONSTANTLY, TRAPPED IN THEIR PERFECT NIGHTMARE:
Glynda was saying: “I know we aren’t friends. I know we aren’t partners. I know you’re a criminal. But—I think I can trust you. I think I have to trust you, even if you’ve done awful things before.”
EVERYTHING GOES WRONG BUT LIKE SOMEHOW WORSE THAN EVER? LIKE A WHOLE NEW BRAND OF LOW. LIKE CINDER’S GOT A PICKAXE AND THE CENTRE OF THE PLANET CALLS FOR AID.
IT’S BEEN A WHILE HUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but dw offal hunt, like the rising of the sun, the arrival of winter, and the eventual downfall of capitalism, always returns. so lets go.
(i just quickly reread chapter 18 liveblog to remember what happened and Ah Yes I Remember Now. The Suppressed Memories)
The place was emptier without Glynda. Quieter.
/gunshot
oh we’re in danger right out of the gate huh? we got some yearning right out here? right now? how quickly the turn do tables.
Cinder appraised her work, holding the beige coat up to the light and squinting.
man i forgot. i FORGET. how much i just love cinder in this fic. sometimes she kinda zones to the back of my mind where she sits waiting for me to start thinking about her again, but now i remember that this cinder is Peaque. look at her GO, minding her own BUSINESS. im proud of her. does she know i love her.
It didn’t take long to don her new, fire-proofed clothes.
in another world, in a more comical plot, she used asbestos. it didnt go well.
The subtle warmth of the Dust teased tension from Cinder’s stiff muscles, even as she marvelled at the strangeness of her own bedroom’s space. It seemed bigger now than it had the last two nights.
h
She chose not to dwell on it.
h
i choose to dwell on it! ME!!!! I CHOOSE TO DWELL ON IT. HEY CINDER WHAT THIS GAY SHIT. hello. ma’am. can we look deeper into this. i, for one, would like to, and i, for one, think its of value to think abt this. that said, small segue
Quietly, Cinder murmured, “I didn’t freak out.”
THE FACT SHE SAYS IT ALOUD LIKE EM AND MERC CAN HEEEEEEAR HEEEEEEEER i am. INFATUATED with this family. cant wait for the 100k spinoff thats basically an elongated beach episode where they go to like. alton towers. or butlins. six flags??? thats a thing in america right??? anyway. beach episode. call me. (wink wink nudge nudge push push shove shove)
We had to stop back in because Merc left his favorite binder, and it was 2 in the morning, so it was easier to crash here for the night than mess with the ship’s autopilot.
them,,, THEM!!!! mercury is just a son and childe. thast it. he canot change this. i love these kids so much i am SHAKING THE MONITOR RN!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAA
Stuck here in one of the homes they’d shared, Cinder missed them terribly. Missed the sound of their voices and the easy comfort of their presence. Finding the time to contact them had been difficult, between managing Glynda and Hati both, but Glynda was gone, and she’d sent Hati onwards to Atlas. She remembered her call with Emerald, before arriving in Umbraroot; she knew it had not soothed her or her fears.
im sorry was this chapter targeted at me, specifically, as a human being on planet earth? GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS FAMILY!!!!!!!!! THIS WONKY OLD BANDAGED UP FAMILY UNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! i thrive every time they are mentioned on the page. it is a blessing. my succulents grow stronger each time they show up.
“No,” Cinder argued softly, “I had to. Mercury, you deserve to hear it from me as well. I am sorry. And I am promising you: I’ll come back.”
For a long, heart-wrenching moment, he was completely quiet. It was good that Cinder was alone in the apartment; laying herself bare like this would be unbearable with an audience.
GODDDDDDDDDDD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
i am OBSESSED WITH THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM GOING TO BE THINKING ABOUT THIS UNTIL I D I E. of all thing the remaster does better than og, this is just. SPEEDING AHEAD. this whole CONFLICT this whole MESS just makes everything so much RICHER its like when u splash some wine in yr fancy food or stick some cinnamon on yr favourite desserts u dont NEED TO but it adds that lil SOMETHING,,, that little KICK that just ties the flavour profile together and in this case ofgughugguhu it just GIVES SO MUCH. im making SNOW ANGELS in the WORDS on the PAGE.
“Mercury. If I could prove it to you, I would. But you have to—trust me. For just a while longer.”
“It’s getting harder,” he said. He didn’t sound like he was lying just to hurt her. That wasn’t spite. That was honest anger. And it made her feel like dirt.
im less picking these for specific instances of like, things i want to say, but more just because bits of this r rly just so /chef kiss. cinder has these.... endearingly (take that whichever way u like) human qualities in OG to rly make u realise she had ties to add to her #Doubt but the remaster is just AMPING it up and u FEEL IT and ive never been more SYMPATHETIC to a round-faced sinnamon bun of assholery and fire id DIE for cinder fall and this is a fact PUT IT ON MY GRAVESTONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Is there anything you need?” What was this? Cinder could barely focus on her words. It felt like... “Anything? At all?”
“We’re fine.”
“Mercury, wait please—” She was losing him. “I think—”
“Just hurry up.”
The line went dead.
this place is not a place of honor.................. no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here........................ nothing valued is here................ IM DYING
Cinder began to type out her response, and that was when the nausea really kicked in.
[...]
She recognized this now.
Glynda.
stress stress stress stress STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
There shouldn’t be anybody. Cinder had done everything in her power to cut Glynda from people who would interfere. To isolate her. Make it easier to bring her to Atlas, to the frozen north, to her mother and the machine…
Cinder’s esophagus quivered; furiously, she shut her eyes and thought of nothing.
god cinder don’t remind me that you’re an asshole and dipshit and also a moron im trying to be NICE and CARE ABT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP REMINDING ME YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The front door clicked open.
Cinder couldn’t have said how much time had passed, only that it had passed slowly. What she did know was that it was Glynda returning, the sensation of boils bursting wafting off her soul. It crawled over Cinder’s flesh. She curled in on herself.
There were mites under every nailbed. Salt in her weeping mouth.
offal hunt’s brilliant use of this horror aspect is something i have tried previously to emulate and here’s a fact, take it from me: that shit is HARD. offal hunt consistently able to whack those real nasty, really Disgusting vibes on the head EVERY TIME is a work of art. i mean, kc and diesel do not fuck around, and therefore i am NOT surprised, but it’s only when u try this shit yourself that you realise: this is hard! this is difficult! it’s a huge testament to how GOOD this fic is in every way. also this whole fucking body horror aspect is something i didnt know this fic needed, but it did, and here we are.
Thickly: “Things were going okay. If you hadn’t gotten nasty, I might have smoothed things over. I could have fixed things with my son.”
with my son
with my son
with my son
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I CANT TAKE IT EVERY TIME ITS TOO MUCH FOR TO BEAR I CANNOT HANDLE IT I CANNOT STAND IT ITS LIKE BEING SHOT JUST DIRECTLY IN MY DICK
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
im like sweating rn
Glynda said, “I’m scared.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to tell you.”
I SAID IM SWEATING
Glynda asked, “Are you lying to me?”
And Cinder said, “What?”
“About me. About Witches. About Ozpin—” Cinder’s guts went sour. “—About anything. I need to know if I can trust you.”
I SAID I! AM! S W E A T I N G
“I know you’ve lied to people. Hurt people.”
Adrenaline and the image of her kids’ faces behind her eyes made a potent, sick cocktail. “—Not. Now.”
so lets like double back to when i said hey was this chapter written to target me specifically and as it turns out, yes. yes it was. yes it was and as MUCH AS I AM LIVING FOR THIS MOMENT THIS SWEET BUILDUP THE EXPLOSION AND THE CRATER IT ALL LEAVES BEHIND
I
AM
so this next bit is like. i cant really quote one section but as i was saying in Vague DMs, this whole bit feels like wading through mud. usually if you say something consumes energy to Read it’s in a Bad Way when yr bored but this is more like. you Feel cinder all over everything feels so sluggish and it’s like dragging your own corpse around as you try and leave and you’re TIRED and your LEGS HURT and you’re kinda thinking god what if i just fell face down for just a moment of my LIFE.
The putrid weight of Glynda’s soul filled the room until there was no space left for her.
it’s like being trapped in a sauna, like getting stuck in a humid waiting room. where do you GO. what do you DO. god this whole section is fantastic and offal hunt NEVER fails to fucking nail the Vibes but reading it is HARD. i literally keep having to stop and breathe like ive been holding my breath. jesus h christ.
a small intermission for a mood:
“Get fucked.”
back to regularly scheduled hell
Out of the bedroom. Down the hall. The walls were sweating with heat. She tasted smoke.
i love that i just said how i feel like im trapped in a sauna and it turns out: thats because me and cinder both, baybee!!!! hahahaha help
Glynda’s soul chewed her to the marrow. “Move, Glynda.”
cinder being hunted at the start of this fic: teehee! im running away! now im gonna getcha! heehee! arent i clever :)
cinder being hunted now: this uh. this blows, actually,
Cinder’s pulse roared in her ears. Her hands twitched. She smelled Ochre Brown’s round face melting off. His wide smile shattered with each of his teeth, going black and popping like corn.
this chapter is probably my favourite so far for this blending of so many elements. i cant even begin to like. THINK STRAIGHT about how all of this is tying together. the lore. the THEMATICS. like i said this character rly is just Rich with what og lacked and oh is it RICH. im gonna read this chapter in future and see so much that i know ive already missed. holy shit.
“Ms. Fall,” she said. “The White Fang requires your presence immediately.”
NOT NOW
Cinder stood there looking at it for a moment. Her thoughts were slow. Copper-tinged. Something small and indulgent whispered to her through the blood-fog.
It was obvious enough what would happen if she got into this car. The driver would take her to a secluded place, where she would be ambushed by a squadron of battle-hungry White Fang grunts.
They’d try to take her down. And she was a killer, wasn’t she? Ochre Brown wailed in her ears with every thump of her runaway heart. Her hands itched for action; her teeth, for blood.
She’d burn them black.
never mind! you are already dead,
She thought about Glynda. About her saying that if there was trouble with the Fang, she wanted to come. That she would fight for Cinder.
She thought of Glynda’s question: What aren’t you telling me about Ochre Brown?
Yeah, fuck that.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A CLIFFHANGER!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! MORE MOMENTOUSLY: WHAT A CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this is EASILY my favourite chapter so far. EASILY. everything about this was peak offal. the relationships. the dynamics. the dialogue. the vibes. the Grossness. the fighting. the EVERYTHING. this is some other level and its BITCHIN. PEAK. that said im now very tired. im going to have a cup of tea and Consider Things for a few hours. brb.
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It's long but hey, thank you so much for allowing me to share my thoughts as kpop is something I do enjoy but I like to look at it from other points of view, how it looks to me from various perspectives, not just as face value
kpop fans have tantrums every time something isn't right or whenever idol does something so small and irrelevant it becomes a scandal… shocking but idols are humans and won't always perform to the fans standard.
Fans bitch and whine about how the standard of kpop industry is too harsh yet it's not the industry that is encouraging it, it's the fans themselves, they cant accept minor mistakes and everything gets taken out of context while fans claim they know the idols… ie: Jennie's “lazy” scandal.
Yet they don’t scrutinize the idols whenever they are sexist, colorist, ageist, misogynist, racist, because they can “do no wrong” or their fans, will come to save their asses… even the flipping companies encourage it because they want them to be younger. After all, it's more appealing??? but what 25+-year-old fans are going to be drawn to teens in a group? I don't even find itzy, txt appealing and their whole group’s image is directly for those of teenagers and below, the music/dances, the image, it’s all catered that specifically of a younger audience, shame, I would’ve liked them otherwise.
The younger the idols = the better publicity and the higher chances of gaining popularity by getting into “scandals” for the lack of maturity and social awareness nor are they likely to take accountability and just do whatever they please anyway because they’re idols and their fans will still claim that their age isn’t a problem or because they’re a child/teenager/minor then its okay
kpop idols are so out of touch with reality that when they have some form of criticism they start banning and suing left right & center… because they live as though everyone is going to fall head over heels for them and blindly accept everything they do because most kpop fans are already blinded by their idols and cant accept when an idol says or does something disgustingly wrong nor can they accept mild criticism without getting their pitchforks out.. its a cult, no denying it.
As lovely as the choreography might be I don't want to watch the idols if they are doing any of the above: dancing overly provocatively (especially when they may be on the minor age scale), twerking or grinding the stage or anything overly sexual at that.
Kpop fans lap it up because its socially acceptable to objectify the idols and make them appealing because of their “dancing/performance” when it is turning them into some trend because they “danced” overly sexy/cute, that's all they amount to is the dancing side of it
TBH I found it intriguing at first but now every kpop group tries to have this “sexy” look and it just doesn't work. it’s like asking a foreigner to be interested in kpop when they act cute except its not normal to appear cute over here, it's only going to appeal to those who maybe find it intriguing or different from their own culture.
Yet cute/sexy is all kpop idols can amount to even if it looks so uncomfortable and unpleasing to watch. alas they are idols, they’re not humans, they can twerk, dance provocatively and act cute all because the fans will enjoy it no matter what it is or who it is… age isn’t even considered but the younger the better they stand a greater chance.
Which is like bighit canceling everyone of the older generations who maybe possess the same talent but with a maturer image and behavior… its both ageist and sexist, why is it some huge fetish that just boys in or around 1999 only for their new survival show thing i-land? I find it… odd more than exciting or interesting cause I know its just typical for the members to be more younger but less appealing to older generation cause I have nothing that I’d relate too
I don't even relate to the TikTok trend because that's all it is, another trend or bandwagon. yet everyone treats it as being this incredible new thing that suddenly acceptable for young folk even though it brings so much disgusting behavior/drama along with it, its a recycled version of the vine but worse, in the same sense this is what kpop does, recycle groups once they’re less appealing to make way for the same groups but look slightly different. 2ne1/blackpink, BTS/txt yet the fans don't say nothing about how it is encouraging the sexual appeal and almost asking for fans to thirst over them because this is what “dance” supposedly should be. sexy/cute nothing in between, it's saying that idols should portray this image cause it’s more appealing than the music itself. if the male idols show their abs/skin even better, females? wear the most uncomfortable looking clothing and ur good to go.
The kpop sounds now have become about the group's image, level of popularity, as opposed to actual talent, creative freedom and ability to give off a genuine performance that doesn’t include anything generic or robotic image. its got to be loud, bright, vivid because its all for the dance/sexual appeal of both the male and female gender is almost aligned with the concept for it.
The lyrics can be as disgusting as they please because its okay, its only kpop. any lyrics are acceptable, bts got called out for their lyrics in one song yet not in any of the others? same for other groups, so few call out the lyrics because lyrics mean nothing. it's about the visual appeal of the groups and the kind of fame they gather from it alone so you can have the visuals but do the bare minimum and not have much stage presence but be classed as a main singer or dancer, its okay fans will lap it up no matter what it is. also, I’ve noticed the same sound being used across several groups depending on the concept of the song… repetitive much? why does kpop fear change or standing out? why get idols to become something they are not ie: whitening their naturally beautiful dark skin, have idols who don’t need to, lose weight. it's not the company its the idols encouraging it because it's acceptable and normalized to be anything other than thick, natural and healthy.
Ppl act like trying to shove kpop into the western music genre will make it appeal any better, the fans act like they couldn’t see the racism coming, but that's what happened bts were forced into a culture that had nothing to do with them because in western we generally hop from one bandwagon to the next and just roll with it since it's popular it must be good.
ie: one direction, psy, 5 seconds of summer and now bts… how do so many don't see the pattern nor did they see bts coming? you expect Asian artists to become greatly admired over here too but when you shove it in ppl’s faces and try to get it to become the next big thing, not everyone is gonna see the appeal
I honestly feel like it's been forced… not by the companies but by the international fans. now instead of trying to gain popularity in their home country kpop groups try too hard to appeal to the western market… you can’t even deny how vastly generic bts’ music has become SINCE they hit the American music awards or whatever it was. note: they didn’t even win awards for their music, but simply their popularity is what got them there
I loved boyz with fun, despised boy with Luv yet because they’ve been in the American industry’s eyes they put it out what has become popular just using their language… well sometimes, even idol, what could’ve been a great song with a nice meaning missed some marks, as in the overuse of auto-tune has become almost normal for them? vs using natural vocal abilities, I'm no coach but straining one's voice to hit a high note in a slow song doesn’t sound healthy. when all bts have done in the past is upbeat music is why they struggle to maintain high notes in slow songs because they’ve followed the same music style for so long then suddenly changed it so their voices don't match softer songs… which I’d appreciate more of instead of just dark lyrics and over-hyped upbeat poppy music.
ie: I loved the sound for serendipity, but the lyrics weren’t as good and Jimin kinda struggled to sing it well enough both in-studio and live, however its one of my more favorite songs. I’d also appreciate a slower gentle song that isn’t about a relationship too thanks looking @ you euphoria.
You think it's about the music, lyrical side of it but I disagree, it's merely the concept of yet another boy group that's sadly taken over in the most overbearingly forced way possible and you all act like the racism wasn’t going to occur. nct had an incredibly shit time in America during their tour its because it's not meant for America, its trying force kpop to become something it's not just to fit in with western music taste. I miss when they did full songs in Korean now they do English full versions with hella cringe-worthy lyrics and expect them to blow up or become the next big thing.
I’ve been walking with the cheese and the queso????? if ur happy and u know it clap ur hands???? theses ones make me laugh more than wanting to listen repeatedly, they throw them in there simply to appeal to western music, no matter if its a bad lyric, doesn't make sense or is cringe-worthy.
Kpop is built for Korean consumption it's great to see it's expanded however, its in the wrong directions for the wrong appeal. bts did not pave the way when psy also existed the same year they debuted. bts tried to get a following in America but failed because naturally psy was almost made fun of for just being an Asian doing what he does best yet the hype quickly dyed down & everyone moved on until bts came into the scene… so far behind than when they should’ve gone viral years before. not the companies fault but merely the appeal of the image/music wasn’t suited to the western music genre so when they become familiar more with America they switched the songs to sound pop-like… nothing wrong but less appealing than their original image/music, which I prefer, I’d say it started to change with not today era.
The only reason being bts have stuck around now is because of the boy group concept even if the lyrics aren’t that great when translated into English, they’ve already tried and IMO, failed to push their music into the western music industry and they’ve won awards solely based on the fandom/popularity alone
kpop has become less and less about the music, energy of the performances, now it's about if they look right together as a group. how the group as a whole appeal to the fans and what makes the fans blinded by them… which is essentially their sex appeal, whether the idols are grown women or men or even teenagers, who might be uncomfortable with fans lusting after them. whether they’re dancing sexy or acting somewhat cute doesn’t matter because it's become acceptable and a must if you want to be an idol so fans can thirst over them.
Sorry not sorry but kpop has become much less about the music itself and see what is trendy puts it to music and calls it the next big thing. which is a shame I love the language I love how it sounds in the songs & I also love that it encourages me to learn the language that's more appealing than the group image/songs itself but they’re letting looks matter to the point where groups are mistreated abroad by both media and fans alike all because of this group image concept. nct getting mixed up with bts was pure racist but how can they fail to tell how different they are? wait, no, any Asian boys in a group must be considered to be bts… see its just one hype train after the other, even Astro got mixed and when parasite become popular and rightly won the awards some were racist. Trump's comment was appalling but at least he got the country right, yes, everything that's become popularised in America is from South Korea, gold star for that.
Its the concept of boy groups. not the music itself. if it were music then day6 would have a similar appeal, gain the same momentum as bts/nct have done, yet because they differ from the typical dance style boy group they won't gain the same effect as their counterparts, bts / nct & whoever else.
Yet they’re still appealing to the wider international audience and did very well with their tours, same for the rose, they don’t trend in the same way boy groups do but have some form of appeal because it’s a different concept/image style altogether than the way bts / nct, etc are put together but still they don’t have the same effect as some of the more dance-based groups have because its a different genre but still from the same industry…
Different genre means less appealing or less popular but I’d say day6 are doing better, producing a greater amount of pleasing music, with reasonable lyrics but don't receive the same amount of popularity. compare to bts / nct who follow similar styles mixed up of what is trendy and call it a day. whereas kpop dance groups throw anything out there and its okay cause fans will lap it up too.
It's not the song that got blackpink to Coachella, its purely the appeal of yet another young women based group, again solely so they can push the feminism, girl power movement through their “songs” but it's their image of youthful cutely acting girls that gains the attention of western men/women… little mix tried it so why not blackpink, heck even fifth harmony failed to maintain the popularity because the appeal wasn’t there in the songs, but they were females in a group, therefore, they must have some form of appeal to the public / recent trends, bandwagons
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mtmte liveblog issues 4&5
its delphi time babey
I'm sorry but drift & co look like such fuckin nerds on their scooter things on the cover lmaooo
oh god. seeing the first page just reminded me of how horribly confused i was for this whole little arc the first time i read it. i was like ok, who are all these new characters, and also why does everyone look so similar
anyways now i now what's going on. i love first aid
love the running continuity of rung being the literal only psychologist on cybertron (except for fr*id but that's later). no wonder everyone's fucked up they all have to share a single therapist
ok i find it extremely funny that first aid was demoted from doctor to nurse, as if that's a thing that happens EVER - I mean it'd be one thing if first aid was a nurse practitioner (which i doubt is a position that exists here), at least that demotion would make sense, but like...the doctors i work with don't know how to do most nurse stuff (like BP, cathing, vaccinations, hell even using some of the thermometers - that's all stuff nurses/etc do), so demoting one to a nurse would be a disaster (just like promoting a really good nurse to a doctor would be a bad idea). anyways i know I'm being pedantic but it Be like that when you work in the medical field and read something that has medicine-related stuff in it
i love swerve giving ratchet the tiniest free drink ever lmaooo
is that skids being a rowdy drunk in the bg lmaoooo
unironically i love medical statistics. keep it comin
i love magnus’s giant sternal chestpiece thing. its like a bird’s sternum but without the massive pec muscles attached
i love magnus and rodimus’s dynamic so much
oh pipes....im so sorry but this fun space adventure is going to be not so much fun for you
ratchets ideologies are certainly interesting, and i liked seeing how they changed over the course of the story
drift: why would i be SCARED of the DJD, I've got a SWORD, two swords even,
hvbhajkhfbsdjkf pipes really said ‘oi, you two - what's this, then?’ that's the most british fucking thing, that's literally something i say when I'm doing an overexaggerated british accent, oh my god,
PIPES IS SUCH A TINY DUMBASS. ILY SIR BUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING
aaaand now you're covered in dead bodies, pipes. look at your life, look at your choices
drift epic sword moments
drift confirmed for the kinda weird guy who has katanas that he uses to like, cut up fruit and water bottles in his backyard while rodimus films him
‘i thought i heard...bickering’ lmaooooo
ah, so its covid
this arc is how i feel working in healthcare lmaooo especially now that i probably have covid
so rewind condensed the entire war into an 11 second long cringe compilation. nice
seeing the mechanical stuff past tailgate’s visor is so cool
poor tailgate, this guy is getting slammed with history from multiple sides. and like, bias is inevitable in ANY sort of recounting of events, especially controversial historical events, so poor tg just kinda has to take it all in and decide who to listen to
that’s...not really how immunity works, guys. also, you shouldn't be exposed to so much disease with proper ppe usage
is there even such thing as ppe in the transformers universe?? there are fluid- and contact-transmitted illnesses, so there SHOULD be
is there even OSHA in this universe??????? unbelievable
first aid, holding a giant fucking claw clamp: we haven't tried EVERYTHING............
first aid read a human wikihow article on how to jumpstart a car and took notes
i love tailgate’s ‘mom says its my turn on the xbox’ pose
tailgate has a point - he’s from pre-war times, where things weren't as grey so of course he would try to divide the two sides into ‘good guys’ and ‘bad guys’
CYCLONUS BE NICE DONT HIT UR FUTURE HUSBAND
go get some character development and then maybe you'll feel better
seeing the word quarantine is making me twitchy w/my possible month-long complete isolation quarantine on the horizon
drift pulling his swords on pipes and ratchet pushing down drift’s arms...lmao
poor pipes...even tho this is completely his fault, its still rough
also jesus, pharma and ratchet look so goddamn similar, reading this was so confusing the first time around
drifts idea of subduing pipes involves turning into a cool car and also posing with his sword
also. never gonna be over drift’s massive thighs. jesus man
ooof now drift has the rona. ouch
poor drift, his covid realization is getting overshadowed by pharma being flung around
first aid bustin thru w/the epic medical nipple clamps and some Big Boi Backup
ok that's an epic pre-beatdown speech from fort max right there, daym
im just gonna continue on w/issue 5 now for continuity’s sake. yay!
the cover of tailgate in magnus’s autobot school is so cute
and we open with an incredible shot of fort max str8 up ripping a guy in half. i mean, to be fair, he DID just give an epic speech about how much he was gonna do that, and he certainly followed thru
yeahhhhh, fort max is not doing so well atm
when he puts that dudes head in his chest vent thing and then snaps it shut....man
also i fucking LOVE when their faces are shaded all in black w/only the eyes/mouth fully drawn...fantastic stuff
ratchet: phew i am not equipped to deal w/this level of Fucked Up Mental Trauma. u good m8?
ratchet is already writing up a referral to rung for fort max as this is happening
drift is just laying on the ground dying like, oh hey yeahh I'm still here too
i fucking love when punctuation is drawn in story - like here where first aid has a little ? over his head....fav
ratchet holding drifts hand ;_;
ok tbh ambulon having switched sides 10 yrs ago is wild bc like, 10 years is barely any time for these guys, especially in a war that lasted 4 million years. that would be like a human switching sides in a war like, 3 months before it ends. probably. i sense some math bs, I'm just extrapolating here
all that mexican standoff shit is going down and first aid is just like But That's None Of My Business
ah so ambulon is an asymptomatic carrier
and there's first aid with the save! iconic
pharma calling ratchet ‘buddy’ hbvakjdsbfhkasdf
ooooh i love that they figured it out - and i love that twist, that transforming is what triggers the start of symptoms. remember when drift turned into a cool car? yep
s/o to Ambulon Transformers for helping me in my medical terminology courses, bc now ill always remember: Leg(tm)
also this explanation makes a ton more sense (in universe, at least) than the whole ‘i guess we as medical staff have been exposed to enough Germz that we’re more immune to this or something’ theory
ah, i love the meaningless (to me) alien robot medical jargon
drift and ratchet hhhhhhhhh
‘I'm too wide’ fort max L O R G E
also once again drift is forgotten in favor of a bunch of other dramatic stuff happening vbhjksdfbjhskdf
godddd i love tailgates little flashbacks where we see how Important and Special he is, complete with his ‘bomb disposal’ arm label...augh its so good!
and tailgate’s autopedia page even reflects his lies! like, did tailgate go edit that first thing upon waking up??? seriously, I'm fascinated by tailgate’s meticulous dedication to his fake life
also the fact that ultra magnus believes everything he read on autopedia is amazing lmao
ultra magnus: you think somebody would just go on the internet and tell lies?
fuckgin love magnus’s long ass name/title placard
tailgate hvbahjkdfbjhaskf i mean, he’s gotten the abridged version of everything else, of course he would assume that’d be the case here too...but not on magnus’s watch
magnus cant even say ‘fun’ hvukdasdbjfkjsadf i love my uptight law dad
love rung implying that upon questioning, he would easily divulge a patient’s name and maybe even information about said patient’s treatment while under him....love the disregard for patient confidentiality and hipaa in general
not that hipaa seems to exist here, at least not in a fully realized form
also i mean the above genuinely, i think rung’s tendency towards at least slight malpractice is very interesting
poor red alert....super bad luck that HE was the guy to get roped up in that overlord business
I'm glad that, at the very least, red alert was able to prove that he was Actually hearing something to rung, rather than get brushed off completely
god magnus and tailgate’s interactions are golden
also tg is much more sarcastic/quippy than anyone gives him credit for tbh
‘thought warfare,’ ultra magnus says with complete seriousness. god i fucking love this comic
now i can tell pharma apart from ratchet bc pharma has let his true Petty Bitch nature emerge and you can see it in his expressions
the whole ‘tarn is addicted to transforming’ thing didn't really go anywhere, right? i feel like i noticed that on my second readthru as well
also pharma is such an interesting character given the context of him like, trying to strike a bargain w/the djd to keep them from destroying delphi, but that arrangement inevitably kinda making him lose it as the situation escalates. he’s also just really entertaining bc i feel like he kins the joker or st and probably gets into really heated arguments w/people on twitter about just abt anything
‘sound bomb’ i love this comic
another important facet of pharma’s character becomes clear around this time as well - how he’s really into ratchet. i also choose to read them as awful exes tbh, it makes their dynamic even more entertaining
‘killmaster, with the wand’ is one of my favorite running remarks lmao
also, was killmaster even a character before mtmte? or, if he was, was he an important one? it would crack me up the most if he literally didn't exist at all, but any way you spin it is still funny
ratchet’s tiny humansona facing off against pharma is wild
‘I'm miles from anyone i truly care about’ brutal, ratchet, drift is dying like 2 floors away (im p sure)
SUDDENLY DRIFT IS HERE, ACTUALLY
oh don't worry first aid, that sure isn't the last we’ll be seeing of pharma
so like, did first aid save everyone by posting that data log to his wreckers fan blog or something? lmao love it
i love the pretty fucked up reveal of ratchet having stolen pharma’s hands. like, damn dude.
and that wraps up the delphi arc! our first true ‘arc’ of mtmte, and a fantastic one at that. short and snappy and fresh, with some very clever writing and cool new characters, and a lot of great plot threads to be picked up later. plus, we got to see the beginnings of drift and ratchet’s whole thing (and ratchet and pharmas whole thing). and the lost light gets some much needed extra medical staff, so everyone wins!
well, we’ll see how fort max feels about this all pretty soon.....
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arpu, how can we connect to our intuition? i know some say "meditate" but my mind is not calm and my butt itches most of the time. i cant stay still
this is actually perfect timing because I’m feeling the same way so helping you is also going to help myself 🌞✊🏽divine timing fr ✨
okay the goal is to get your mind to stop double checking every thought you have. we’re wired to check the veracity of our thoughts and discard ‘nonsense’ that comes from ‘nowhere.’ the subconscious mind kills it before we’re even aware of it. it goes back to the renaissance/age of reason where the scientific method (that was developed largely by muslim/arab scholars btw!) was heralded and factuality became an important component of clear, rational, logical, good thinking. it’s what you’re taught in school now and what is prized in technological societies.
so, we need to let the brain know it’s okay (and encouraged!) to have thoughts where the source of origin is unimportant. fun story: I accidentally did this when I read Einstein didn’t remember anything that could be looked up. this integrated itself into my worldview very deeply very quickly and I found myself remembering only interesting things without remembering or caring what the source was. didn’t help when I couldn’t pull stats out of my ass while arguing with someone, but did wonders for my intuition.
we can do this through repetitive activities where conscious thinking becomes irrelevant and/or you assign importance to ‘nonsense’ thoughts. this is the core of meditation too if you think about it – its about focusing on a single thing and acknowledging thoughts but not involving yourself in them. these activities will calm your mind in a similar way to meditation and also help your restless ass lol
morning pages!! I personally do this and I love it, it’s helped me grow immensely, I highly recommend it. when you write down every single thing in your head and just empty it out without stopping to consider its worthiness, you are telling your brain every thought is equally important and more of the subconscious intuition comes through to the surface.
random associations!!!!! let your mind wander
play this game with your friend!
pacing! I do this a lot, there’s an origin story if you’re interested lol but the main idea is this: put on music you’ve never heard before and walk really fast and/or run till you can’t think bc you’re barely able to breathe. focus on the music and let your mind wander and go wherever the music takes it. soon thoughts that are completely unrelated will pop up and though they really are nonsense in the beginning, keep encouraging it and u can tell when they eventually have truth to them
dancing! focus on nothing but the music and go crazy. doesn’t matter what kind but fast paced usually works better. don’t think about how to dance, think about it as the music controlling your body! you stop thinking and in that space, u can listen to the under-thoughts that usually go unnoticed
tbh, any activity u enjoy that takes up a lot of your focus + peripheral wandering thoughts. gardening! cutting 1000 stickers by hand! copying a textbook so u study and develop your intuition at the same time! there’s a lot of ways to integrate it into your daily life once u know what it feels like. this is pseudo meditation too btw.
overthink!!!!!!!!!! I loved doing this as I drove to uni every day lol. i’m not saying to distract yourself while driving! safety is most important!! but after the 100th time I drove the same route, I became a pro at it and my lizard brain took over. it didn’t need my thinking brain to drive. so I thought and thought uncontrollably and my thoughts got more nonsensical and irrelevant and there was no connection and like I said before, they were ridiculous at first. just my fears coming through. but then they started having truth to them and I started getting information about the universe and our purpose etc. etc. I think I had the most breakthrough intuitions while I was in that daze. I could predict things really accurately, it was spooky. I recommend this but its a double edged sword bc overthinking doesn’t help have a happy, healthy life. use it as a stepping stone and don’t! drive!! while u do it. pace instead or pour it into a private tumblr.
also! give importance to these random associations/thoughts! document them or record them however you can. write them down, text it to yourself. this tells your brain they’re valuable and encourages their production
dream journal!! do it first thing as soon as u wake up. and within a week or so you can reliably remember a loooooot of what happens and it also helps lucid dreaming actually. since dreams are nonsense anyway, repeated action tells the brain to encourage these types of thoughts and voila! intuition developed in daily life!
you have to Want it! your intentions create another layer of under-wiring in your brain that grows stronger with use and influences the overall synaptic network esp. the parts that control which thoughts are important and not. so start being curious! let things like trying to make predictions and having super powers take up space in your brain! try and guess things before they happen or guess what random strangers are about to do or predict the score you’ll get on a test. the more you do it, the more u tell your brain this is an Important Activity and then it builds the required ‘code’ to make that function run better. you’ll be completely off in the beginning but then slowly your success rate will climb.
like anything in life, you’ll get a lot better with practice. even if what i’m saying sounds like nonsense rn, try it a few times and you’ll see what I mean. btw, you don’t have to stick to a single method!! switch them around, everything counts as +1. you aren’t starting from zero with every new technique.
these should be enough for you to get a head start! if none of them work, let me know a bit about yourself and I can probably come up with more methods custom made for you~
also, this old post I wrote about meditation might help 🌞
good luck!!!!! hope you have as much fun as I did discovering your spiritual side 🌝💖
edit – special anon message for you: For meditation anon: There's a common misconception that meditation requires you to "quiet your mind" and disallow it to wonder, but really, it's more about getting into a flow state where you allow your thoughts to come and go with ease. It's mindfulness more than anything imo, acknowledging the thoughts but bringing yourself to a point where you aren't questioning/over-analyzing and thus reacting emotionally to them (like you ordinarily would throughout the day). It's okay to get distracted by your external environment or physical sensations, because you definitely WILL as a beginner, and still at times even if you're more advanced. It all comes down to practice, and the point is to train your mind, so any time you lose focus - Don't let it discourage you. Let it be a teacher of sorts. Refocus and try again. As you progress, you'll be less likely to get out of focus. Sitting isn't for everyone, definitely try things Arp mentioned, like walking!
#intuition#spiritual advice#meditation advice#witch advice#arpwrites#anonymous#arp talks#ask#AH its so cute you call me arpu!!!!!!!!!!!!!#like i said before only my best friend does that so now its like all of u are my close friends ☺️#sorry my intp jumped out#im a scientist at my core actually#science and spirituality are v intertwined for me#science is just us discovering god's rules#the current scientific method is good for a certain set of rules#but not for others#a lot of spiritual principles are actually about training the brain and methods of restructuring synapses#we truly are the masters of our own universe we just have to learn how to unlock our brains#i have a lot of thoughts about this#but this post isn't about that lol
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I'm not opposed to All Might and Endeavor. But I want backstory! Were they high school crushes? Did they have a drunken fling? Did they go on a blind date? Did they lose a bet and ended up as roommates for something and then decided maybe the other wasn't as bad as they thought? The possibilities are endless and I want to know your version of the backstory!
ive Needed to write this for ages because i have been on my endeavormight bullshit for proabably as long as ive been in terested in bnha but!!! i get sidetracked VERY easily so this entire thing just sits in the back of my skull with everything else i havent had time to write
anyway
thank you for asking
i will now Get Into It. this is a WHOLE THING, ANON DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU OPENED
stay tuned BUDS (under read more lol)
endeavor and all might were in school together
endeavor comes from a family who prioritizes good quirks and being the best and he barely gets like 4 hours of sleep a night due to studying and training (and of course, what rich family DOESNT force their kid to learn an instrument) and practicing double bass because if hes not The Best his father will,,, lets say.... persuade him to raise his grades and do better
so when he first meets mister “everything will work itself out in its own way” thumbs up and smiles who OH SO EFFORTLESSLY STAYS AT THE TOP OF THE CLASS NO MATTER WHAT ENJI DOES
enji lichrally hates toshinori with his entire being
when toshinori tries to befriend enji, enji throws hands and tries to beat his ass
my boy gran torino taught them the true meaning of training til their bodies wouldnt work no more because they got in trouble for fighting
that was the first time enji saw toshinori’s smile drop (though he did his best to keep it up as much and as long as he could)
anyway enji doesnt do more than snarl when toshinori decides that they started being best friends from there on out and eats lunch with him
and then toshinori starts inviting enji to his house to do homework together
you do NOT understand how much it took for enji to convince his father he was going to a classmates house to work on schoolwork and not to dick around
toshinori is so fucking TOUCHY but actually enji has learned he doesn’t mind as much as he first did and having toshinori’s weight leaning against him as he cut through his work - both the work assigned to him by UA and by his private tutor - was nice actually
toshinori is the first one to initiate a kiss, because Yagi Toshinori is under the impression they have been dating for months and thinks that Enji is shy and needs Yagi to initiate because hes SUCH A GOOD BOY
anyway
he gets a black eye for doing that and enji runs away and avoids him for the next week
toshinori apologizes and asks enji not to break up with him and enji is ????? so confused??? please explain you stupid smiley dumbass
there is a lot of internal debate over the situation but enji reasons with himself that as long as they keep their... perversions to Yagi’s room, it’d be fine.
and they do, and it is
for the most part
but toshinori wants to let the world know his boyfriend is so smart and so cool and also hes irate because enji’s parents betrothed him to a girl from another well off family and enji refuses to say anything to stop it and enji is like,,, thats just how it is
and one weekend yagi comes over to enji’s house and enji is panicked becasue his dad is home and hes supposed to be in the middle of training and his dad is going to be SO PISSED so he HAS to get rid of yagi
EXCEPT yagi came to tell enji’s dad that he was in love with his son and he would have to deal with that and enji is like OH HELL NO
and does the only thing he can think of
he breaks toshinori’s heart
literally stomps it as hard as he can into the dirt and makes sure yagi would never think he actually has feelings for him (even though he does)
enji tells toshinori he was just a way to pass the time and destress from his chaotic life and that he never wanted to come clean with yagi because he didnt actually have feelings for him and that he always intended to marry rei because he wants a family and he isnt a fucking FAIRY like yagi is
and laughs in his face at the tears and the stricken expression on yagi’s face
so,,, yeah thats why theyre enemies in the hero world
BUT
ill have you know,,, there is happy ending,,, because im a sucker for happy ending....
enji confronts toshinori after the all for one fight and hes ready to KILL that dumbass becaue DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED I WAS TOSHI and all might is beyond taken aback and hes like um,,, why would u care about me,,,, now ur number one like you always wanted to be
and enji doesnt have a nice response to that so he just gnashes his teeth and walks away
but when ENJI almost DIES and does the ALL MIGHT HAND
BRO
yagi comes to his hospital room after the crowds and press are gone and hes like,,, smirking and hes like...... i knew u cared abt me
and enji, ever the asshole, is like... who cares abt u
but hes emotionally compromised and he really wants toshinori to take his hand but hes also an asshole and those words he said to toshi have been running through his mind for the last 30 years and he cant forgive himself
and then toshinori sits on the edge of enji’s bed and leans down to kiss him and enji lets out ONE very masculine, very MANLY tear and he just wants to pull toshinori down again and REALLY kiss him
but toshinori stops him and looks him dead in the eye and that smile isnt there any more and he tells him straight up that he refuses to go back in the closet
bro the inner turmoil of 30 smth off years of internal home of phobia but he really loves toshinori and he wants to kiss him and he wants to hold him and protecc him and he lets out a heavy, shaky sigh and hes like... can i take baby steps
and on god toshinori gives him ONe MONth to come out to his family (he still willing to kiss the man because who wouldnt be) and after he comes out to his family they can go from there
but of course enji has to be THE BEST and the most DRAMATIC way possible
so that week he comes out as GAY on national television for ALL OF JAPAN to see and toshinori is just facepalming in UA teacher lounge but hes also smiling because wow hes in love with the biggest idiot in all of japan,, wow
#wow#such words#so headcanon#endeavormight#headcanons#hcs#relationships#bnha#ask to tag?#nonnie love#ask
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holy christmas dudes....has it really been two years already? i mean i feel like it was yesterday i hesitantly made this blog without any real hope anyone would want to interact with this over sized old man but needing to make the blog anyway because the fecker wouldn’t be quiet---but here we are...and just damn.
Ｇｉｖｅａｗａｙ Ｇｕｉｄｅｌｉｎｅｓ：
Give away begins: now - 03/25/19
Give away ends : 6:00pm EST - 03/29/19
1. One like/re-blog per blog.
I get really turned around and easily confused so please make this
easier on me and only either re-blog the post or like the post.
But only do either one once.
2. Must be following Luka and be an RP blog in order to participate.
Please don’t just follow to participate in the giveaway, okay?
I can’t control you following and then un-following but its super
rude and just karma’s a bitch okay?
3. I need a week or so to get the prizes out after the giveaway ends.
Bare with me. I keep my promises it just takes me time.
4. Winners will be chosen using the random number generator. Keeps everything nice and fair :)
5. If you are a multi-muse and win, please be prepared to chose one of your muses for icons made.
6. If you win and your muse’s fc is not well known or has little screen time, please be prepared to help me out if I can’t find suitable resources on my own for graphics/icons/etc.
7. If you win and you have a favorite picture or resource(aka movie/episode/etc) in which your muse’s fc is portrayed please feel free to let me know!
8. If you win please be prepared to provide a primary color and/or scheme you would like the graphics/icons to have.
ＰＲＩＺＥＳ:
1st Place: 1 promo graphic, 1 set of Online/Offline/Lurking/Drafts banners, 25 [200x100] icons, psd and watermarked with your chosen letter(s).
2nd Place: 1 promo graphic and 25 [200x100] icons, psd and watermarked with your chosen letter(s). .
3rd Place: 1 promo graphic
ƓƠƠƊ ԼƲƇƘ!
follow forever beneath the cut
@brooklynislandgirl / @tarnishedhalo / @quothesquills
yes hi i love you always? lol thank you for being my partner is so many fictional crimes. for being a like minded cray like me but also constantly teaching me and bettering me as a person literally every day. i love how we can finish each other sentences sometimes, and are so alike and then completely different so we end up seeing more angles to things. you can put me in tears one second and then rip my soul out the next. i like u, ur a good. so ur kinda stuck with me. stay you cuz otherwise im gonna be feckin lost.
@morgansmornings
also yes hello is this thing on? I LOVE YOU. yer a fecking gem of a human being and while u may not need me too i will go to war with my bat swinging for u always. you make me laugh when i wanna cry and always are an ear when i need to vent. i love ur imagination and ur brain and i can not gush enough about how amazing ur muse is. its takes someone extraordinary to make someone extraordinary. and your muse is extraordinary. remember that if nothing else. besties always cuz im keeping u sorry not sorry.
@seanceisms / @umbrellakidstm / @wolventm / @scciopath
fucking beautiful human being you are okay. i love you always and i will follow you across any blog you ever make. and that sounded way less stalkerish in my head but whatever you get it. u can’t escape me LOL. always an ear and always a joy to talk to even when we’re doing nothing but trading pictures or headcanons or screaming about stupidity we find or murdering each other with feels.
@riggsanity
my dude ur a fecking treasure. ur humor is sharp and i love that. your amazing at your hobby and i love every reply i get from you. i love that we can have conversations that stretch over hours because we both get distracted or get busy but we always know where we’re at. ur fantastic and im blessed to have met you.
@mynameisanakin
there are too many inside jokes and not enough time to list them all. this is a friendship that i fucking love and never wanna lose. ur unique and ur a fecking trip and i LOVE that about you. the sometimes brutal honesty is refreshing to say the least, and i can not word how much i love our thread and our future plots. stay golden like the sand in our Jamaican no fig capes. ;)
@the-blackest-spider
holy balls dude like how long have we known each other at this point? i cant even remember. all i know is i love u and i know we dont talk as much as we used too but i love that we can pick up right where we left off when we do and there’s not a beat missed. ur brilliant and will always ALWAYS be ‘my natasha’.
@tabbyrp and @corinnebaileyrp
you two are gifts okay. always have something kind to say to me. always checking on me when my ooc posts get a little weird and sideways. (more than usual anyway). i love both of you and i love our plots and threads. every single one. -throws cookies at both with exuberance-
@thor-theavengergod
one of my closest dudes.i miss ur thor so much. but im glad we can stay connected on discord. ur artwork is GLORIOUS and always a joy to see pop up on my dash. you’re always an ear and never afraid to say what you think. and that’s really rare in this day and age. Keep being amazing my dude. u shine and it shows!
@bettershotthanbucky | @edithbarton / @hitslikeatruck / @mutatiiions
okay but like world of an au and plot we built i love it. you dudes are fucking beautiful and will always be my bartons(and wolverine/Piotr/and the rest). always. we dont always talk or are in each others day to day but when we do it’s always a riot. you guys are my dudes, dudes. never ever ever ever forget that. i’ll always be here for u dudes. whenever u need me and i know u’ll be the same for me cuz that’s just how ride or die dudes roll. -all the hugs-
@daggermxchanic
man let me talk about how fucking great it is to get to write luka with someone close to where he’s from even if it’s not the same time frame. Its amazing. I love your muse and i love the oppertunities he gives me to explore other facets of luka. Two grumpy old men never gets old and i LOVE ALL OF IT. ur a fucking amazing and don’t let no body tell u different my dude. ur classic.
@deathisachoice
okay we interact more on my pirate blog but fuck it i do what i want. im so glad u were able to finish ur thesis. im glad its behind u and that weight has been lifted. im super excited to get to talk to u more again and make awesome plots for our pirates (and maybe here too). either way ur writing is amazing and so are u. always a joy to talk to and write with!!
@ruthlessmeans / @mockeryofreason
okay but i love u alot. and i wish i could bat away all the bad that’s been happening as of late. just teach it a lesson so it fucks off permanently. but as i cant all i can do is offer cookies and remind u ur loved. i admire the decidcation that u have to ur muses. i love how u think through every angle and facet of them. that speaks volumes about u as a person. keep ur chin up my dude. ur silver lining is coming.
@canadianclaws
not so much rp’ing anymore but we stay in touch over discord and u literally NEVER fail to make me laugh even when i don’t want too or i’m feeling like something four days dead. i absolutely adore u and our friendship and i love that we can just drop funny fucking shit in our chat at random hours on any given day and its no big ya know? JUST LOVE U A LOT -tackle squishes-
@cochetsharpshooter
one of my best dudes and a fucking peach too boot. always uplifting and always the best gifs. years of jokes lbr and no enough angst and time in the day to write it all every probably. u are my bucky, always and forever. never lose ur wonder and ur drive my dude. ur inspiring. truly.
@ronmanmob
a gift with words right here. dedication to your muse on a level i’ve never seen. its phenomenal. always good vibes to talk to, always up beat. its honestly wonderful that we’re mutuals. always love reading your rps and ur blog is general is epic. keep it up. ur a gem.
@noprodigalson
life has gotten busy for u. taken u in different directions and that’s just something that happens. that’s life. but getting to see u pop up on my dash now and then. little updates and fashion drops it warms me up. ur style sense is amazing and so is ur hair. (yes i still want those pants). ur a beautiful human and hopefully life will let u get back to ur hobby here real soon. all my love my dude!
To all my of my followers:
you all brilliant lights in the world, in your own ways. Never, ever, EVER forget that. you are amazing. you are all special. to me and the other people in your lives that mean the most. stay frosty. and KEEP WRITING. ALWAYS KEEP WRITING. NO MATTER WHAT. NO MATTER THE TRIALS. KEEP WRITING!! because remember there was a time when the world thought Van Gogh wasn’t worth anything at all and now he’s a house hold name even little kids know who he is.
BE BRAVE
BE CREATIVE
BE YOU NO MATTER WHAT
-Crow
#[its just amazing really. i had to triple check the creation date of this blog and just DAMN]#[thank u to all of u that constantly put up with my slowness and general cray on the day to day]#[love u all]#[two year anniversary]#Out Of Fecks || OOC#Wolves Do Not Lose Sleep Over The Opinions Of Sheep || Que
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