#(guy who just learned how to draw facial hair voice) wait a second | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

littlemessyjessi · 3 years

Text

“Pamper”: A Sirius Black Imagine: Plus Size Reader

------------

Sirius Black Imagine Sirius Black x reader: PS Reader, Plus Size Reader

-------------

Sirius Black narrowed his eyes at the sight before him.

His best mate of since first year and his girlfriend of just over a year sat there practically giggling together.

You'd always got on well with the boys but it would seem that over the last week or so you and James had decided to become the best of friends.

At first, Sirius had found it comical when he'd walked in and James was letting you paint his fingernails because you'd been kinda sad that day.

He knew his best mate was a good guy and he genuinely did like to see most people happy.

Especially if they were important to him and the one's he cared about it.

So Sirius hadn't really thought much else of it.

However, the next day he'd walked in his dorm to find the two of you again, laid back in his bed, eyes closed as your faces were covered in a bright blue face mask.

Sirius had teased the both of you for it relentlessly and honestly hadn't thought too much of it.

James had had a rather nasty pimple that day anyway and everyone around knew that you knew all the tips and tricks for anything beauty related.

"It's a muggle trick but I swear by it." you had told him. "Toothpaste on it at night to bring it to a head. Gently, and I can not stress this enough, Jamie love, GENTLY pop it the next morning. Clean it and immediately begin moisturizing. If you don't it'll scar." you had told him and he had nodded with rapt attention.

Sirius who knew you know your stuff very well didn't question it but that little nickname had turned his stomach just a tad.

Jamie, love.

He didn't know why it bothered him so much but it had.

The next day, he'd literally nearly had an anuerism when he found you sat across James' lap as he let you put makeup on him.

He refused to say anything and had to force a smile when you turned James' made up face to him.

"Isn't he stunning, love?" you'd asked him.

He hadn't said anything and James fluttered his newly mascara coated eyelashes at him.

"I just knew this would turn out great." you had said. "You've got lovely eyes, Jamie, love. And great lashes!"

Sirius physically twitched at that name again and he'd drawn everyone's attention to himself when he literally stomped up the stairs to the dorm.

You tried to see him later on that night- even retrieve him for the evening meal but he wasn't having it and made Remus tell you that he wasn't feeling well and wanted to sleep.

You knew this to be a lie because even if he wasn't feeling well the first thing he'd do is actually make one of them find you to cuddle and coddle him until he felt better.

It's just the way he was and you wouldn't trade it for the world.

You were a bit put out for the rest of the night and worried after him but you knew him well enough to know that you couldn't push him.

He'd freak out if you did and so you just waited for him to come to you.

Decided not to draw attention to it and just let it go ... for now.

So needless to say... that morning you carried on as usual, perhaps even a little chipper because the pictures you'd taken of James had officially finished developing.

Loads of photographs of him prancing around in his full face of makeup wearing your clothes and being the drama queen he is.

You rushed the Great Hall and practically tackled him.

"'Ello, there, love." James had chuckled at you when you excited produced the pictures and the two of you laughed at the silly little adventure.

Meanwhile, Sirius' blood continued to boil as he sat across from the two of you.

So much so, in fact, that his face had begun to change colors.

It eventually gained your attention and you looked at him alarmed, "Siri, love, are you ok? You don't look so good, ba-"

"No, apparently not!" he snapped.

Your eyes widened at his outburst.

Sirius had never raised his voice at you.

He was rarely snippy with you because you always gave him the space he needed and then doted on him when he was ready.

So to have him so angry and it seemingly directed at you, threw you a little.

"Hey, Pads, what's wrong?" James said.

"Oh, you shut it!" he snapped at him and James lifted his brows at him. "I don't know what's worse. The fact that my girl is after my best mate or that my best mate is after my girl."

"Excuse me?" you gasped. "What on earth are you on about?"

"Oh come off it!" he seethed, seemingly unaware that he had gained most of the hall's attention. "You were literally in his bed the other day! In his lap after that!"

"That's out of context, Sirius and you know it!" you said, offended that he would even insinuate such a thing.

"You know, everyone gave me hell about dating you." he said venomously. "Said I could never settle down and get with a good girl like you. Doesn't look like I'm the one who couldn't settle down does it?"

The boys just stared at him... along with just about everyone else.

You leveled Sirius with a look that he had never seen grace your angelic features and for a moment he knew he fucked up.

For a second, he thought you were going to cry but you simply lifted your chin.

"Sirius, I love you but you are being really, really stupid and mean right now." you said and he narrowed his eyes.

He opened to his mouth to say something but you cut him off-

"No, don't you even. You just shut your mouth." you snapped and he flinched.

You never talked to him that way.

Ever.

You'd only ever been so sweet to him, even long before either of you had expressed an interest in each other.

"I love you." you said. "This is about as obvious as the fact that Lily is a redhead. And don't you think that it would be nice when you love someone to get to know those that are important to them a little better?"

Sirius just stared at her and she shook her head.

"I've always got on well with the boys. Remus and I have been fairly close since third year and after Peter started dating my sister, we learned alot about each other. The only person who I didn't have an extremely close bond with was James. Which is exactly the person that I wanted to because he means so much to you. He's your best mate. He's like your brother. He's important to you and you're important to me... therefore HE'S important to me."

Sirius' jaw tightened as things began to click into place.

"And yes, we have been spending a lot of time together." you said. "We've invited you multiple times because I didn't want you to have to juggle spending time with me versus your friends. I was trying to merge it all together. For you. And yes, we do have fun. We have a lot of fun. I don't have any brothers and my sister never let me do makeovers on her so when James didn't mind and actually enjoyed spending time with me, I jumped at the opportunity."

Sirius began to curl in on himself a little when he realized.

"Sirius, I love you." you said. "And I want those that are important to you to like me. I want your family to like me. And you're family isn't your last name. I couldn't give two fucks about them. But James and his parents are your family. And that's important." you said taking a shaky breath.

No one said anything for a moment and you just shook your head.

"Peter." you said gaining the boys attention. "Will you help me look for your girlfriend? I think I need a little sister time."

Peter nodded and the two of you left the Hall... which promptly burst into whispers of gossip as soon as you did.

James gave it all of about three seconds after Sirius sat back down before he kicked the shit out of his shin.

"OW!"

"You shut it." he said reaching over and pulling Sirius in by his collar.

"Get off!"

"No, I will not." James said. "First of all, how dare you ever think I would do such a thing? I'm your best mate and I'm obviously hopelessly in love with Lily. Who by the way, did not seem to be phased by Y/N and us hanging out because she has some common sense."

Sirius finally shoved James off him.

"And two, I could murder you right now for even thinking that Y/N would ever hurt you." he said narrowing his hazel eyes. "You know she adores you. You're literally her favorite person in the entire world."

Sirius said nothing for second, "I know. I'm sorry."

James just nodded, still honestly a bit miffed.

"And for the record, I enjoyed spending time with her too." James said. "I don't have any siblings. We're like brothers now. You, me, Remus, Pete. But I've always been an only child. And I certainly don't know about what it's like to have a sister. It was fun to let her play 'dress up' on me so to speak."

"I'm sorry, Prongs." Sirius said, feeling worse by the second. "I didn't realize."

"I know you didn't." he said. "And we're fine, Pads. But you have to know I'd never do that to you. You're happier than I have ever seen you with Y/N. She wanted to get closer to me for you. And I wanted to get closer to her for you as well. It just so happened that we ended up clicking really fast. I like spending time with her. She's like a little sister to me now."

"Except for the fact that she's older than you." Remus said with a smirk trying to ease the tension.

"Shut it, Moony." James chuckled.

"I should go find her and apologize." Sirius sighed.

"You should definitely apologize." James said. "But I'd let her cool off a bit. Let her talk to her sister. You hurt her feelings and she probably doesn't want to talk to you right now."

Sirius' heart broke a little at that.

"But I have to make it up to her." he stressed.

"Oh, you're going to." James said pointedly before a smirked worked it's way onto his features making both Remus and Sirius lift an eyebrow at him.

"We're going to have a pamper night." he said matter of fact. "Complete with facials, nails and hair styling."

"I don't let anyone touch my hair." Sirius said automatically.

It was true.

He didn't.

"You're going to let that precious angel do whatever she wants to you hair and you'll shut your trap about it." James snapped. "Now, quit being a toad and eat your breakfast. We've got a busy day of planning ahead."

Sirius didn't feel like eating and just poked around at his breakfast.

"And Remus, you will be participating." James said making the boy's jaw open and close.

"But I didn't-"

"I don't want to hear it." James said. "Pamper night in our dorm tonight. Now, excuse me while I figure out what we'll need."

And with that he was off to join Lily, Marlene, Alice and Dorcas to discuss the plans.

All four of them were in, of course and they spent the rest of the Saturday collecting what they'd need.

Later, that evening after a much needed cry with your sister you began to make your way towards the Great Hall for supper.

You weren't really feeling it to be honest but you knew you needed to eat so you figured you'd just get it over with and then go to bed.

Maybe tomorrow would be better.

However, you never made it there because you were intercepted almost instantly by Marlene and Dorcas who claimed that they had a fashion emergency in the dorm room.

"Guys, I'll look in a bit. I just want to grab a quick bite and then go to bed. But I promise I'll help you sort you fashion catastrophe in a bit." you had sighed.

"It can't wait!" Marlene had said. "I have a date tonight and I'll be late if you don't help me!"

"It really can't." Dorcas agreed and you groaned but let them drag you to the tower anyway.

As soon as you stepped foot inside you were tossed over someone's shoulder and being carried up the stairs to the boys dormitory.

After some wiggling, you discovered that it was in fact James who'd kidnapped you.

"James, listen, I love you to death and all and just cause Sirius and I got into a fight doesn't mean we'll stop hanging out but I really don't know if facials is gonna help anything right now considering."

"Oh ye of so little faith." he said with an impish look.

You simply lifted a brow at him. "Really?"

He smiled, "Listen you've had a rough day. So we've got a bit of a surprise for you."

"We?" you pressed and he simply yanked you into their dormitory.

You furrowed your brows at the room.

It was covered in more beauty products than you'd ever seen in your life as well as more snacks that you even thought were possible.

All four boys were there as well as the girls and in the middle, looking rather sheepish, was Sirius.

"Hey, love." he said.

You just looked at him for a moment and said, "Hey."

"Listen, I-"

"We're starting with hair masks!" James announced.

"Yep." Lily said joining his side. "So Sirius, you're first. Y/N, wash his hair. You're the best at it. Off with you!"

The two of you were shoved into the small room adjacent to the boys dorm and you glared at the door.

"Suddenly, I am remembering why it was a blessing that I never had a brother." you grumbled and Sirius couldn't help but chuckle.

"Eh, he has his moments." he said and his hand came up to hold you cheeks, "Baby, I'm sorry."

"I know." you said.

"And not just a sorry son of a bitch." he teased. "Although, still true."

You couldn't help but laugh and he smiled, a thumb tracing over your cheeks.

"There it is." he whispered. "My favorite thing in the whole world."

You simply looked at him for a moment and finally let out a breath, the tension easing out of you.

"I'm sorry if I made you feel left out, Sirius." you said.

He shook his head, "No, love. I was being stupid. I just couldn't see the forest for the trees. What you were doing, the both of you, was really nice. And if you and him ending up bonding and having some kind of cool brother sister moment, then that's great, baby. Honestly. I just got a little jealous."

You nodded and peered at him through your lashes.

Making him absolutely weak like you always did when you did that.

"Are we ok now?" you asked, softly- just a little fear trickling into your voice. "Because I love you, Siri and I don't wanna fight with you anymore. I just want us to be ok again."

He melted and cradled your cheeks in his hands, bringing your lips together in a sweet kiss.

"Of course we're ok, baby." he said, resting his forehead against yours and staring into your eyes.

"Ok." you said, a little smile tugging at your lips. "You, uh, you gonna let me wash your hair?"

He sighed and winked at you, "I guess I kinda owe you."

You grinned mischeviously and shrugged, "I mean, you don't but I want to play with your hair so I'm going to play into this and let you think that you do until I've had my fun."

He laughed and you set to work washing his long, thick locks.

His eyes rolled back as you scratched his scalp and he looked up at you from his spot on the floor by the tub as you poured water over it to wash it out.

"This does kinda feel good." he admitted.

"Yeah." you shrugged. "I know."

You gently squeezed the water from his hair and he handed you a towel but you threw it at the door aggressively.

"No!" you said, clearly offended by such a notion.

"You want me to walk around like a wet dog?" he laughed.

"No, but we can't use a towel on your hair." you said, "It'll ruin the curl pattern."

"My hair isn't really-"

"Yes it is." you said. "I know it because when you play Quidditch and you get sweaty it stays to curl. You just brush it while it's wet with a vengeance so it doesn't show."

He lifted a brow at you again but let you wrap his hair up in an old clean t-shirt anyway.

"Don't brush when your hair is wet by the way." you said. "It can cause breakage."

"You're amazing you know that?" he said and you just nodded.

"Yes, now out with you. Go let one of them put a mask on your face. Be sure to let them know you want something with honey and preferably almond oil. It will make you glow as well as other things." you said.

Sirius just smiled and pecked your cheek, "I love you."

"I love you too, lovebug." you said. "Now send James in so I can attempt to do something with his rat's nest."

Sirius barked out a laugh before sending James in and settling down for Lily to give him a face mask.

"Not a word." he said when she smirked at the pink shirt in his hair.

"I wasn't gonna say anything." the redhead smirked.

"She said to ask for something for honey and preferably almond oil. For glowing skin or something like that." he said.

Lily smirked evilly and produced a pink face mask which made him sigh but he let her do it anyway.

Not long after, James emerged from the bathroom, hair wrapped in a purple shirt and ready to be pampered.

Dorcas approached him and he hissed at her.

"No one touches my skin but my little evil genuis." he said, yanking you along with him.

He flung himself across his bed, "Now work your magic, you skincare enchantress! My body is ready for your secrets."

"Prongs..." Sirius said with a warning but a smile still tugged at his lips.

You smiled softly and pecked Sirius' lips before turning to James and covering him in a green face mask.

Sirius watched the two of you for a moment, cutting up as siblings would do and he realized that he was actually really happy.

Everyone he loved was in this room and having a good time together.

The love of his life and his best mate were getting on really well and he never been so at peace.

He didn't care if you wanted to dress him up as the Queen of England for the rest of his life.

He'd let you do it just to watch you laugh like that for the rest of his life.

------------------------------

Hello loves! I hope you liked this little request! I had fun writing it! If you want to see more of this version of Sirius/Reader please let me know! I had such a good time writing them and also writing the sibling dynamic between James/Reader. I hope you're all having a lovely day and I would love to hear from you in the comments/ask box!

All my love darlings!

Kenny

————————-

@frankie2902

@pleasantdreamqueen @becrazy–beyou

@littledeadrottinghood @blackirisposts

@therealmrshale @woodworthti666@thegreatirene@fanfictionandjunk

@angelus320

@alanlizzingtonshore@buriednurbckyrd@disneymarina@tubbypeachwriting

@sullybot @georgiagrl1990 @whenallsaidanddone

@mischiefnevermanaged94 @inumorph

@congurl

@centerhabit

@bubblymusiclover13

@qtmeryr

@thisismysecrethappyplace

@tnupsweetpie

@alisoncdariel

@hannahloveslife

@wormyboi

@blackirisposts

@maggyme13

@amethyst09

@ibenkastberg

@fanfics1717 @mrscasnovak

@thickemadame @babygirl-barnes

@theladyofmasks @aengsty

@kalliravenne

@witchygagirl

@gruffle1

@writtenbywolfie

@kribbydahhufflepuff

@leah-halliwell92

@thelastwildangel

@silent-browser

@simplymagical@simplymagicalwritings

@lilacflicker

@malulucifer

@minxyvixen

@moncheriemoony

@queenlexusloverofbts

@criminalyetminimal

@plus-size-reader

@owenniasstars

Love, Kenny

——————————————————

#sirius black #sirius orion black #sirus black imagine #sirius black x reader #sirius black x ps reader #ps reader #plus size reader #sirius black x plus size reader #marauders #marauder era #marauder era sirius black #young sirius black

260 notes · View notes

lost-in-the-80s · 3 years

Text

You Don’t Want My Love - Chapter 6

Pairing: Duff McKagan x reader

Words: 3,286k

Summary: Guns n Roses hires a new tour assistant, but nobody thought that Duff would fall for her.

In This Chapter: It’s time for Duff to tell this story

A/N: This chapter will be a Duff's pov. His thoughts will be in italics.

Tag list: @roger-taylors-car @ladieswttda @teasid @metalheartofgold @slashscowboyboots @ginny-rose-sixx @rumoured-whispers @vinylvintage @metalupyourash add yourself to my tag list :)

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

We stopped for a second, looking at each other.

Reaching forward, I put a lock of her hair behind her ear.

She's so beautiful! I wonder how her lips would taste like…

I licked my lips at the thought.

Control yourself, Duff! My conscience yelled at me.

“Y/N.” Tom’s voice broke the moment, making me roll my eyes internally. “Are you coming?” He pointed to the elevator.

What a good time to talk, Tom!

“Yeah, just a sec.”

She looked back at me with a small smile. “Good night, Duff.”

Fuck it!

I leaned down, kissing her cheek lightly. Her perfume filled my nostrils making it hard to move away from her. “Good night, Y/N.” I finally breathed out, seeing her walk away.

God, I'm so fucked!

"God you're so slow" Axl passed by me, rolling his eyes.

"What do you mean?" I furred my eyebrows, following him.

"Ask her out already." Izzy said, entering the second elevator with us and pressing our floor's button.

"As if it was a simple thing!" I leaned against the mirror on the wall. "You remember how she reacted the last time one of you idiots decided to give a little push" I made fake quotation marks with my fingers.

"Let's just say it was the wrong way to do that." Izzy glared at Axl, who looked away from the mirror in which he was fixing his hair.

"What!? I was using the opportunity!"

"Yeah, and it worked so well…" Izzy said sarcastically.

"At least I tried! What did you do?"

"What did I do? I was the one who convinced her that he wasn't an asshole! Remember?" Izzy crossed his arms, leaning against the metal wall.

"Okay, take it easy. You're acting like a married couple!" I turned around, looking at myself in the mirror and throwing my jacket over my shoulders.

The doors opened and we started walking down the corridor.

"See you guys tomorrow." I said, listening to their responses before entering my room.

"Ah, shit!" Sitting at the edge of my bed, I ran my hands through my face.

Kicking off my boots and throwing the jacket on an armchair I laid in bed, gazing at the ceiling with just the city lights illuminating the place.

"How did I get myself to this point?" Lighting up a cigarette, I took a long drag.

I knew the answer. And the answer was that there wasn't an answer. It just happened.

I still remember the first time I saw her. She entered the dressing room in a light pink skirt and a white blouse. Her eyes were slightly widened, as if she needed them fully open to be able to understand what to do.

Gosh, she looked like an angel. Completely different from what I had expected.

When the label called saying that they had got someone that wouldn't get distracted by us, I thought they would send an old lady, not someone pretty like her.

Later on that day, I entered the room and she was there alone, complaining about something in a low voice, causing a smile to appear on my lips.

She started stuttering and I thought that it was the cutest thing I'd ever seen.

There was just something about her. The way she talked and her facial expressions, they just captured my attention all the time.

Whenever I heard her voice I would stop and pay attention, because I wanted to learn more about her. She fascinated me, but I couldn't tell why.

Well, that was just the first week. Then she and Steven talked one day on the bus, it was casual, and I was listening of course. He asked what she was reading about and she started telling him these airplane accident stories, and at that moment, listening to her voice, I knew, I had fallen for her.

During the first weeks, I didn't know how to make conversation. She was from a completely different world and I didn't want to scare her away or look dumb.

She seemed just too perfect and I was afraid that my interests wouldn't be enough to entertain her.

But then Izzy happened. He was always the quiet one, which means he had a lot of time to pay attention to the others, and he surely noticed the way I was acting.

"You look like a psycho." He said before drinking from his beer. We were backstage and she was on the opposite side of the room, making a list of what we needed her to buy.

"I can't help it." I puffed some smoke.

"Is it that bad?"

"You have no idea, Stradlin." I turned around, getting a plastic glass and filling it with vodka.

"Talk to her then." He turned his head back, facing me.

"Easier said than done."

"Come on, man! You're not shy!"

"It's just that…. Fuck…. Look at her!" I turned around, pointing at her with my glass. "She's not like us."

"So what?"

"I can't fucking sit in front of her and say 'are you into motorcicles?' I fucking know she's not! I wouldn't be able to hold the conversation."

"Well, then ask about something that you know she's into." He put his glass on the table. "She's always drawing or reading something.. ask her about those. Tom said she graduated in fashion, ask for fashion advice or some shit."

"You know what, you're right!" I placed my glass with the cig on the table, seeing that she was leaving the room.

Walking fastly, I found her in the corridor. "Mind if I go with you?"

She jumped a little, startled by my presence. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's fine." She smiled and I forgot what I had apologized for.

"Are you sure you want to come along? I'm just going to Walmart. It's going to be boring."

"Nah, it's not going to be boring," I started walking, leading us towards the exiting door. "Plus, I'm a professional shopping cart driver."

That was the first time I got to spend time alone with her, and it made me even more sure about what I was feeling.

After that, I started trying to talk to her every day. I'd ask about what she was listening to, what she was drawing and things like that. When there wasn't anything to ask about, I'd ask her about her favorite griffs and listen to her talking for lots of minutes, even though I wouldn't be able to remember any of that.

She was sweet and dreaming. God how I love the way her eyes always sparkle when she talks about something she loves.

She was delicate and light. Always in a good mood, always trying to be serious and have a firm grip on us, and falling miserably after a few minutes. She was too nice to be strict with anyone.

But I knew she was out of reach. She would never be interested in someone like me. And every day I wanted to get away from her and detoxify myself from her presence in my mind. But then I'd wake up to her voice and I'd forget completely about those plans.

It was becoming hard to move on with the basic tasks. I'd think of her before going to bed and I'd wake up doing the same. I'd try to stay with her the most I could and when she was away I would be thinking if she missed me in the way I missed her.

And then it became too much to hold. Izzy thought I was just interested in her, but he could never imagine that was loving that chick.

So I decided to talk to someone. I needed someone that wouldn't judge me and that could be nice to me in this situation. So I talked to Steven. And that was the worst decision I've ever made.

The next day, all the guys knew about it, and that's when this fucked up plans about putting the two of us together started.

I didn't need their help. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to ask her out, but I was waiting for a good moment. I'd ask her to go out for dinner or something natural, something that wouldn't scare her away.

But of course, nobody thought in the same way as I.

I still remember that day by the pool. Steven had come up with the idea, and we all agreed. I remember that I didn't think much of it, but that was until I saw her in a bikini.

I tried my hardest not to stare. I knew I'd make her uncomfortable if she noticed my gaze. But damn, that was hard to ignore.

I was thinking that that was one of the best days of my life. Not because we were the most requested song on the radio, but because she hugged me.

That was the first time she touched me. Our skins touched and I couldn't help but feel that that's how they were meant to be.

The afternoon arrived and we went for a walk through the city. That city was so fucking boring! Even the record shops were lame, and I was so afraid and she'd think it was boring too and would decide to go back to the hotel.

So when I saw that car/bike rental shop, I grabbed the opportunity with my two hands

To feel her pressed against my back, her arms circling my waist… man! I couldn't even put into words how I was feeling.

But just like everything good lasts for little, she wasn't feeling well, and we went back to the hotel.

A part of me was concerned about her wellbeing. But another part had the impression that her headache was just an excuse, that she had hated spending the afternoon with me and just wanted to stay away from me.

Then my amazing friends came with the brilliant idea of throwing a party. I knew that was the worst idea ever, but if that would mean that I could see her again that day, then I was down for it.

That could've been a magical night. But I drank too much and had to stay away so I wouldn't say some stupid shit to her.

The room was full of women, but I could just look at her. The way she danced to that stupid ABBA song made my heartache and I yelled at myself internally not to approach her.

And then came that truth or dare game. I still don't know who came up with that, but I hate that person!

Axl, just like always, couldn't hold himself, so he dared her to kiss me. Ahh, how I hate that moment!

I remember the way she looked at me, and how startled she seemed when she realized I was looking at her. How uncomfortable she felt and how her cheeks grew red with embarrassment.

If I was sober, I would've punched Axl.

But a small part of me had hope. Hope that she'd say yes, we would kiss and I'd ask her to go on a date with me.

And then she answered, I still remember how sober her voice was when she said that she couldn't.

Couldn't. That's a funny word. When you can't do something, it's because someone or something is stopping you from doing that. And nobody was doing that.

Don't. That's what she should've used. She didn't want to do that. And it broke me. She didn't want me.

And I don't know why I got so surprised. That was obvious. I had been feeding a fake hope for months, but deep down I knew that it wouldn't ever happen.

And then everything became numb. I didn't hear the music, nor what they were saying. I just saw her throwing her shoes at someone and leaving, but I didn't have the energy to go after her and apologize for my friends.

So I just got up, getting another bottle of vodka and allowing myself to drink until I could forget about the reason why I was drinking.

The night went in a blur. I just remember parts of it. A chick paying Tommy Lee a blow job during the truth or dare. Someone hitting a chandelier and Izzy taking a photo of me with it. Me yelling for everyone to leave the room at 4 am.

The next morning I woke up with a terrible hangover. Looking to my side there was someone. She had the same hair color as Y/N and for a brief second, I thought that she had come back to the party and we had finally got together. But then I saw it wasn't her, it was a groupie.

She woke up and I asked her to get dressed and leave. I tried to be calm, but I know that was rude on my part. But fuck, if I saw that chick there for much longer I'd start yelling at me. Y/N has always said about how she wouldn't be into a guy who sleeps with a different woman every night.

But what was the meaning of feeling guilty for that? Sleeping with groupies or not, she'd never want me.

So I decided to recover from my hangover. Searching inside the bedroom I found another vodka bottle and I allowed the burning sensation in my throat to distract myself from her.

I couldn't even look at her that day. Every time I heard her voice or saw those eyes I remembered that she didn't want me, and it made me feel ten times worse.

And then that stupid dude came around. Checking her up and down and looking at her all the time.

It made my blood boil.

I wanted so bad to get up, push him against a wall and start beating the shit out of him. But I couldn't, so I just found more vodka, but nothing seemed to distract me anymore.

They could be the perfect couple, I could tell that. The type who has 2 children and lived in Bel Air. Just the thought of the two of them together made me clench my fists.

He announced he was leaving, and I thought I'd have some relief, but he had to ask her to accompany him.

I wanted to stay cool. I wanted to stay in the dressing room and get ready for the gig, but I couldn't control myself anymore, and when I realized I was opening the exiting door.

The two of them were talking, I heard him asking her out and only God knows what I wanted to do to him at that moment.

I told him she couldn't. I wanted him to tell me that I didn't talk for her or some shit like that. I wanted him to give me a reason to punch him. But he decided to be polite.

He left and she asked me why I had talked to him like that, and it drove me wild. She was defending him? In front of me?

I can still picture the way her eyes lost their shine and how she dropped her shoulders at my words. I hated myself for making her feeling like that. But I was too drunk to think straight, so I just left.

I stopped talking to her after that. I was too upset, and I didn't want her looking at me like that again, it would just make me hate myself even more. So I kept my distance.

During the first weeks of the pause, I refused to go out. I just sat inside my new house, drinking and missing her.

But Slash was a good friend. He showed up telling me how pathetic I looked. Making me go out and live a little.

I opened up with him.

"I'm feeling like shit, man!" I said before drinking from a beer bottle. We had gone to The Rainbow.

"You need to start thinking dude! Y/N is not the type of chick you'll get in a truth or dare game…"

"You say as if that was my idea." I glared at him.

"What I'm trying to say is… she's different. She's not around you 'cause you're in a band. Just be nice to her and then ask her out for some romantic shit." He gestured with his hands.

"You talk as it was simple," I finished the bottle, placing it on the counter. "and even if it was, she probably hates me now anyway."

"Bullshit!"

"No. I mean it, man! You don't know the way she looked at me that day. I hurt her."

"Hey raise that head!" Slash said, making me look from the counter to his face. "She's into you, you just need to show her that you're nice again."

"Oh yeah, of course, she's into me." I said sarcastically.

"You're really stupid, aren't you?" I furrowed my eyebrows. "You need to pay attention to the way she acts around you, you're the only one that makes her get clumsy and shy."

He drank from his bottle. "Plus, she looks at you in the same you look at her."

Those words got stuck in my head. He was right, I had never seen her nervous around the others. Maybe she was into me.

But still, I had fucked things up that afternoon.

That day I decided that I'd be my best version to her when we got back from the pause. I wanted her to see how I'd be with her if we were dating, and maybe, if she thought I was good enough, she'd give me a chance.

No pressure, no "plans". I wanted it to go natural, as smooth as it could be.

My guilt for the way I talked to her got twice as big when Izzy told me they had met and that she thought it was her fault.

How could she think she had any fault for me being an ass? Dude! I don't deserve this girl. But still, I wanted her.

Thank God Izzy was a good friend. Managing to make her feel calm and even see my asshole attitude as something from the moment.

After that, I was anxious about returning to the tour. I couldn't wait for a chance to be close to her and listen to her cute accent.

And then I saw her, I was at the airport with the boys, she was far away, but it was enough to make my heart miss a beat.

She was even prettier than before. She clearly enjoyed the pause and I just wished I had been there to enjoy it with her.

Asking her for a hug was a bold move, but I had to try, and it was worth it.

Smelling her perfume and feeling her hugging me put me in such a calm state that for the first time, I didn't freak out about being on a plane.

And now I had lost the perfect opportunity to kiss her, all thanks to Tom.

Maybe it wasn't the most romantic way to do that, but I could feel that tension, the same tension that was created when we hugged before. As if the two of us were finally back home.

Looking to the side I checked the time, 3 am. Fuck. I had been thinking about her for hours now.

Getting up, I stripped off my clothes, getting under the covers. I could still feel her skin pressed against my lips if I concentrated enough, and it was enough to send me to sleep, wishing that tomorrow we could spend more time together.

#harley writes #you don't want my love #duff mckagan #duff mckagan fic #duff mckagan fanfic #duff mckagan imagine #guns n roses #guns n roses fanfic #guns n roses fic #guns n roses imagine #guns n roses x reader #gnr #gnr imagine #classic rock imagine

73 notes · View notes

asterekmess · 4 years

Note

honestly, my fury at the lack of werewolf culture/history/worldbuilding is worthy of its own post. Let me know if by some ungodly chance, you actually wanna hear my thoughts on it // Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

ohmygod yes, pls, enable me.

SO.

I think I mentioned b4 that Teen Wolf hates werewolves.

This is a show about werewolves like, yeah, sure, they do other plots and stuff. But the main character is a werewolf. The vast majority of the cast are werewolves (at least in the first half of the show). But think about it. What do we actually know about werewolves? They uhh, they shift on the full moon. But like, what about the full moon? Cus’ Scott gets handcuffed to a radiator and he doesn’t shift and break out until the moon comes out from behind the clouds and he screams like it’s excruciatingly painful for him. But then Derek and his Betas are underground during their full moon, and they shift like it’s all fine and dandy (they’re furious, but there’s no pain) and it doesn’t matter whether they can see the moon or not. They, uhh, they’re allergic to wolfsbane/it’s poisonous to them (btw it’s poisonous to literally everyone, just the scent of it is enough to cause seizures and hallucinations in humans. It’s a whole other frustration that they won’t make up their fucking minds abt it. It’s one thing to say that this is some parallel universe where wolfsbane doesn’t poison humans (bc lydia makes them hallucinate with the punch but injesting that much wolfsbane should kill you, and Stiles straight pulls a plant out of the ground; should’ve caused itching, burning, a cough, nausea, fever, headache and More hallucinations) and yet Jackson has to see a doctor and gets told he’s got Aconite Poisoning. So WHAT IS THE TRUTH?) but apparently not enough for Derek not to be able to plant a wolfsbane plant and massive cord of roots (which he would’ve had to tie together himself) in a revenge spiral around Laura’s body. But just being around it causes wolves to lose control. But also there’s supposed to be different strains that do different things? And also sometimes you burn the wolfsbane and it becomes the cure, or you have to burn it out of them or you just cut it out of them? Make UP Your MIND or at least ACKNOWLEDGE that different strains do different things. They get stronger on a full moon. But does that mean they get infinitely stronger with every full moon they experience? Does that mean they get weaker during new moons? They’re stronger in packs. Okay, but they never establish what the fuck a pack is. Is it an agreement? Is it a magical bond? Scott just sort of says people are in his pack. Does that mean they are? Do the humans he knows make him stronger? Just how strong is this bond? Derek makes a claim that “You have your own pack now” so is that a joke, was he mocking scott? Or is he saying that there’s no need for an Alpha and just being a beta with some friends counts as a pack? Apparently they have some kind of...animal magnetism or mind control? Derek uses a funny voice and a guy wakes up from a near coma to look at him with seemingly no control. Peter can force Scott to shift up. Derek forces Isaac to shift down. Derek has an insane amount of control over dogs and makes one lose its fucking mind from like a hundred feet away? Scott makes one calm down, but derek sends attack dogs running with their tails between their legs. Is it actual control or is it just a persuasion? Is it just intimidation? I haven’t even gotten to culture. You’re telling me that we get an entire episode of Allison discovering the entire story behind the Argent clan’s origins as werewolf hunters, why they started, how her name means Silver and apparently that’s where the entire myth of silver hurting werewolves comes from, but we don’t get to know anything about the first werewolves? Where they come from? If they’re a form of evolution or just straight magic or if it’s a curse or a gift from the gods? There’s an entire hidden werewolf population with packs all over the world, but somehow there’s literally no wolf culture? No moon worship? No specific terminology (Alpha, Beta, and Omega are terms used by a really fucking stupid biologist who studied frantic wolves in captivity and cast aspersions on the entire species. He’s been disproven a Thousand Times. NONE of that Alpha, Beta, Omega shit is right. Packs aren’t Hierarchies of Dominance. They’re families. They’re led by two wolves, yes, an “alpha pair” that’s literally JUST THE PARENTS. THE ‘BETAS’ ARE THEIR KIDS. This terminology makes sense if used by HUNTERS who consider werewolves to be mindless dumb animals. WHY THE FUCK would werewolves use it to DESCRIBE THEMSELVES?) besides the absolute minimum of ‘I caught a scent?’ Are you serious? Then there’s werewolf ages. Oh my god that was so fucking lazy. Saying that werewolves don’t age like humans, but that Cora is seventeen “by human standards” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I’ve seen theories that go so many different ways. The idea that Werewolves live really long lives because of the superhealing. The idea that they live really short lives because their healing just burns through their body really quickly. The idea that their lifespan is directly correlated to the amount of damage they take because they can only heal so much, so wolves who get hurt a lot age faster than wolves who don’t. There’s NO explanation! You’d think it might be an interesting point for Scott to find out that he’s gonna live to fucking 200 years old. (How old is Satomi again?) That sounds like something a Teenager would be daunted by. We see them make fun of Stiles a few times because he believes werewolf myths about silver, and then because he believes Peter when Peter tells him he lives in a series of underground caves. But like...why not? THESE ARE WEREWOLVES why did you just make them humans with extra facial hair? Where are the traditional mating rituals (or even the concept of a mate/life partner, can you imagine how interesting that would’ve been? If Scott found out Allison was his mate? Or if he suddenly had all these weird urges around her, like rubbing their foreheads together or cuddling her way too much or wanting to bring her food? That would’ve been fascinating and hilarious as subplots for their romance!) where are the full moon runs or pack get-togethers? Where are the aversions to perfumes or cologne? Where are literally any animal behaviors besides AGGRESSION? Where is the den-making? Can werewolves eat fast food or does the grease bug them? Talia was a famous Alpha bc she could full shift. Does anyone know why she could do that? “Evolution” is a bullshit answer, let’s be real. It’s shitty writing and it put Derek through so much more than he deserved. THEY ACCIDENTALLY ESTABLISHED that ALL HALES can full-shift! IT’s NOT EVOLUTION. It’s BIRTHRIGHT. Talia fullshifted. Peter full-shifted (though his was distorted into the monster thingy. That wasn’t anything like Deucalion’s shift. It was a FULL SHIFT) Laura could full shift bc she did it after she died. No other werewolves on the show turned into full wolves after death, even if they died with wolfsbane in their system? MALIA could full-shift into a coyote. LITERALLY EVERY HALE except Cora and that’s bc she got booted back to South America COuld FULL SHIFT (and it never happened after they lost all of their wolf powers, that coud’ve been an interesting plot if they didn’t FUCK IT UP.) But still there’s no explanation, or even just acknowledgement? You don’t have to spell it out for us, but at least SAY “Hey, so the Hale family is really powerful and all of us can full-shift. Not sure why, but it’s neat.) I’m still stuck on rituals. Routines. Werewolf mores. Social cues. Are there certain smells they’re supposed to ignore? Is it polite to pretend you don’t hear someone coming up to your house until they knock? Do they have rules about waiting until the Alpha eats before they start eating (much like how lots of traditional households wait for the father to dig in, or whoever is head of household)? Is it tradition to homeschool werewolves for the first few years until they learn control? Are there seriously no rules about biting humans? You don’t have to talk to their parents or have a specific conversation with them? And if werewolves are so dominance/hierarchy based, then you’re telling me there’s no “second-in-command” or respectful greetings that are supposed to be used for an Alpha? There’s absolutely no form of werewolf government or ancient laws or anything except a big spiral that is universally recognized as a sign you’re gonna kill people? What was the wolfsbane around Laura’s body for? Why make the spiral out of that instead of just drawing in the dirt or something? We make a lot of jokes about Derek being bad with his words, but so is Peter and so is Cora. And they’re the only born wolves we interact with (except Satomi who ALSO isn’t a chatterbox) What if that’s not just because they’re all traumatized and cranky? What if they’re just speaking on a different level? Scents and body language are integral to wolf interaction. Like how we say that Peter has that conversation with Derek’s eyebrows? What if Derek’s so fucking pissed all the time because he hates talking to Scott because SCott ISN”T LISTENING to his body language and scent and chemosignals? He tells Scott to use all his senses, and Scott does it fucking once to say that Peter felt “Angry” and never again. What if Derek is Talking PLENTY (with his body and movements and reactions) but Scott just isn’t paying attention? Isaac seems to understand Derek just fine. Erica and Boyd never complain that Derek is lying to them or ‘keeping something’ from them? What if the reason Scott always thinks Derek’s hiding something is because he isn’t reading the rest of Derek’s conversation and he assumes that the empty feeling is Derek lying. Even STILES seems to understand Derek. He’s human, but he goes totally wolfy. He already uses body language a lot and while he gets mad at Derek he never has to ask what the fuck derek is saying or what he’s holding back. I digress. I wanna know why no other packs came to help Derek and Laura after their family died. I wanna know why Emissaries and Druids are so incredibly important to the supernatural/werewolf world but Derek barely knew they existed (Especially when it’s established that he know tons of lore about other species.) and even though every single pack should have an emissary, they never handle who is the emissary for Derek’s pack or for Scott’s pack (Once again, is an emissary bound to their pack somehow or is it just an agreement?). I wanna know why Derek knew Satomi and trusted her but for some reason never felt like he could ask her for help? Centuries of hiding and living amongst humans with almost no wolf behavior to their name, but none of these packs interact? There’s Druid Vets and Hunter cops and Emissary counselors. But no werewolf doctors? No werewolf teachers? Absolutely no werewolf society? If Derek was worried about Paige not accepting that he was a werewolf unless she became one, what does that say about his experience with humans? He says “there were people in my family that were perfectly ordinary in that house” who died in the fire. But wouldn’t he talk to a human pack member about his worries, if he had one? Or even a bitten pack member? He admits he doesn’t know how to train a Bitten wolf. He’s never been called out by a human pack member for using phrases like ‘caught a scent’ or for reacting to things he shouldn’t. Does this mean Derek’s family was entirely werewolves? No humans in the know? No bitten wolves? He has a huge thing about keeping the secret and never letting anyone in on it unless they get dragged into it. Did Derek’s pack have some kind of prejudice against humans? Was Derek raised to believe humans were weak or cowardly or something, that he thought this beautiful girl would automatically hate him and expose him if she were to discover the supernatural without being forced into silence by self-preservation.

Lots of times, it’s easy to forget in this fandom that so much is missing, because we’ve been filling in the gaps for so long that some stuff is practically canon. It’s generally assumed that the Hales were homeschooled before high school. It’s generally assumed that there’s some kind of bond that marks people as pack. We instinctively add in mentions of Scent and the use of the shift (growling, claws, a hint of fang, flashing eyes) as part of the casual communication between characters. We add in scent-marking and territory boundaries and specific roles in the pack. We do all of that and never think twice because it’s already in all the fic. But we did that. The show gave us nothing. It spent an entire season talking about the nogitsune and the oni and how they’re summoned and what kitsune fox tails are for, but we never got to find out why wolves can do the pain-drain (or even if it dissipates the pain or just transfers it to the wolf doing the draining) or if Derek Hale EVEN HAS A DAD.

#personal #rant #Meta Ramblings #it's not even anti-scott #Anonymous #go for it

278 notes · View notes

criminalminds4days · 3 years

Text

Let Him Go (S.R.)

Hello Friends!!

I am doing finals so I decided the best choice for me was to write a long Spencer Reid Fanfiction. Hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 5.7k

Warnings: None, except mentions of murder, and violence. Swear words.

**************************************************************************************

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” The words came out before she could think them through. She knew exactly what he needed because she wanted it too, but she just couldn’t say it, it frightened her.

“Really? You don’t know what to say?” He scoffed, ready to give up all hope. “I love you; I’ve loved you for years… I am ready to spend the rest of my life with you, but I need to know if that is something that’s ever gonna happen. I can’t keep going like this, I am done playing games, I am done going in a circle.” He was hurt, his brown eyes reflected it perfectly, the tears that threaten to escape him almost made her break.

Almost.

“I can’t give you what you want.” It was true, and it wasn’t because she didn’t want to, of course, she wanted to grow old with him, wake up next to him every single day, but the fear that engulfed her, of one day him realizing he could do much better and walking up and leaving, that was enough to ground her.

She wasn’t ready. She repeated to herself, hoping one day it would be believable.

“Then I guess that settles it.” His voice broke, knowing full well what this meant for them, “I can’t keep doing this and you can. We are simply not at the age where it’s for fun. I need stability, I need a partner who knows what they want in a relationship and that is obviously not you.” A sole tear left his face, hiding underneath his chin. “I really wish it was.” He mumbled as he left the room. There it was, the image she feared so much, caused solely by her actions, it was better now than later, she reminded herself but that did not make the heartbreak any less painful.

Spencer Reid, her colleague, friend, and for the past three years, her lover. They had met in 2005, after she had joined the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI, quickly bonding over their shared love for books, despite her hatred of some of the classics, as they were often referred to. Soon enough, those brown eyes, that awkward smile, and his tall figure had become engraved in her brain to the point in which she could no longer ignore it. She kissed him and that was the best decision she had ever made.

For three years they had been happy, and it seemed to everybody that soon enough they would be engaged, married, and with kids. When the conversation of this possible future arose between them, she couldn’t help but panic, leading to their current situation. He had left her, and she regretted every minute she didn’t run after him. She was going to run after him, she really was but as soon as her hand touched the doorknob she stopped herself.

Fear.

It was stupid, she knew it was, but it was paralyzing her in place, preventing her from ever reaching for that happy family she hoped to have with him one day.

Years went by, her regret never subsiding.

Why was she there?

It was clear this was a mistake; she knew it was. He was getting married and she simply sat there, wishing it was her who he smiled at, who he was gonna have a family with. Nonetheless, there she was, watching the man she loved get married, while she remembered that day, five years ago, in which she let him go. She smiled at the couple and congratulated them. She toasted, danced, smiled, laughed, and joked all while her heart was being torn to pieces at the sight of the happy newlyweds. That was the moment she decided she couldn’t stay. The offer she had been considering finally making sense. It was time to leave the BAU, time to leave the heartbreak, and time to leave Spencer Reid for good. She hoped the woman he was marrying would be horrible, that she could hate her, but Maeve Donovan was anything but. She was a kind soul, smart beyond reason, with all truthfulness, she could just see how she made Spencer happy and that was enough to eradicate all hope for hate.

Starting over was painful, saying goodbye was painful, but it was necessary. When he asked what prompted her decision she said, “I think I need to take the next step in my life.” He nodded and wished her nothing but the best and she smiled, not wanting to tell him she felt she had already lost it. When she arrived at her new office in Paris, she couldn’t properly appreciate the fact that her dream home was now her actual home. Her room growing up had been filled with Eiffel towers, and by the age of twelve, she was fluent in the language of the city of love. Granted, it helped that her parents both spoke English and Spanish, so learning French was a breeze.

She began work and soon found herself so immersed in it, she didn’t realize there was a life she left behind, there were friends she had not contacted in years. It wasn’t until she saw Emily Prentiss and heard what happened that she realized just how much she had forgotten when she decided to leave. She allowed her old coworker to take her out of her comfort zone and soon enough she found herself dating a tall dark-haired man named Liam Gardner, that happened to work as an undercover agent, just like her. Was there something about dating coworkers that got to her? She laughed at the suggestion.

It had been a year since she had dated this man when he asked her, she was in the same position she had been almost a decade ago and the regret of that night, and how strongly she felt for the man in front of her, made her answer different. It made her realize he couldn’t lose him like she had lost Spencer. “Yes, I do want to marry you.” She found herself saying, and for once, her life was on track.

She wasn’t terrified, and that was her first mistake. She figured it out on their first anniversary, as she patiently waited for him at their favorite restaurant, the Eiffel Tower shining in the distance, and the diamond ring that never left her hand, unless she was within a job, reflected the lights of the establishment.

“Excuse moi, mademoiselle?” A man had approached her, and her gut told her something was wrong. Her husband had infiltrated an organization that sold kids around the world, he hated the idea more than anything, but didn’t give a second thought to the offer, he loved children and would do anything to make sure more kids were safe. He had been organizing a raid that would tear down the whole system two days ago and he would be home just in time for their anniversary. But something went wrong, the operation was messier than they expected, and he was caught in the crossfire.

He died a hero.

People reminded her, but that didn’t mean much when the man she loved was buried six feet under. Once again, she experienced the loss she was so afraid of, and once again he reminded herself how this was what she was destined for, and she was a fool to think otherwise.

How long had it been? A year since he passed? She wasn’t quite sure, but she couldn’t bring herself to take the ring off. Her phone rang and she almost didn’t recognize the voice on the other side “Hey, It’s me JJ.” Jennifer Jareau, one of her ex-coworkers spoke on the other side. She didn’t have much of a long history with JJ, but that was partly because of her history with Spencer, who happened to be the blonde woman on the other side of the phone’s best friend. Despite their estrangement, after the woman said “We need you” she immediately accepted and grabbed her bag, buying the first plane tickets available to her, letting Emily know where she was going. Once she was on the plane she realized she did not even know why she had been summoned by her old team.

“Catch me up.” Were the first words that she said to the people in front of her.

She wanted to say hello and maybe even hug them, but as soon as she saw them she knew she had to get down to business.

His voice came out so broken, so hurt that she couldn’t help but want to hug him how she used to. It had been almost five years since she last saw him, but underneath his longer hair, and his very visible facial hair and his overwhelmingly sad eyes, was the man she once loved. “It’s Maeve, she’s been kidnapped.” That phrase returned her to the present. “You are the best when it comes to stalker cases and I can’t even make a coherent thought, please help us.” She nodded, as if they didn’t already know she would do anything in her power for any of them, but especially the brunette.

She forced herself to not draw parallels between his situation and the night she lost her husband, but it was impossible not to, especially when she knew that everything was lost. They entered the warehouse after they heard the gunshot, to find them at odds. Spencer begging to take Maeve’s place and the woman holding his wife hostage questioning how much he was willing to give up for her. Too late she realized what was going to happen, too late did she aim and shoot, too late to change any outcome but the one in front of their eyes. Her shot was wasted, landing on the wall directly behind the woman who now laid on the floor, covered in her and Reid’s wife's blood, both of them gone. She couldn’t bear to look at him, knowing she couldn’t stop her, knowing it was her fault Spencer’s wife was dead.

She couldn’t say goodbye and she couldn’t look him in the eye every again, so she sent a simple text to Hotch:

I got a case, I had to leave. Tell Reid I am really sorry.

That was it, no goodbye, no see you guys later, no hugs, and no catching up. She should have stayed home, she shouldn’t have gone knowing what she causes, once again she was reminded of the luck she carried around, affecting those she loved.

“It is not your fault!” Emily said.

“Of course it is, they needed me. Spencer and Maeve needed me, and I failed them.” She couldn’t stop the tears for much longer, but she tried.

“No, you didn’t you did everything you could.”

“Did I? Did I really? Because that’s what I tell myself every time I look at this ring and remember sitting in a restaurant wondering why he’s not there while he was dead. That’s what I told myself when I fired my gun too late to stop the woman even though I knew exactly what she was going to do.”

“Stop it! Stop blaming yourself for things you cannot control!” Emily stood from her chair, the frustration clear in her eyes. “I will not watch the closest friend I have throw a self-pity party when she knows full well these things are not something that our luck creates. There are sick people in this world, and you can’t keep blaming yourself for any of it! I will not allow you to!” After that, the woman left and the tears fell.

It had been at least three weeks since that discussion, Emily and she had made up but her friend had to go into hiding once again, knowing full well that the level of exposure she had because of their friendship could put her in danger, making her yet another person she couldn’t help. There was a knock at the door, and she presumed it was the woman mentioned, excited she opened the door to be faced with a tall brown-haired man with sad brown eyes and a satchel that she knew too well.

“Hi.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Hotch made me take time off, and I didn’t want to be alone… I didn’t know where to go and I just… I ended up here.”

“Oh.”

“Can I come in?”

She questioned it for a moment, not sure how she could deny him anything but also afraid of how her guilt would get the best of her. “Sure.” She said finally and moved, letting Spencer Reid enter her home like she had done so many times before, and yet this time it felt different. Her house was never the same after her husband was gone, their pictures still stayed, some in the coffee table and bookshelf, one of their wedding pictures in their room and album upon album he had made for their home once they had moved in together. Her new home gave a different feeling than her small impersonal apartment in Washington D.C. that had no pictures and barely enough evidence that someone lived there. She knew if it were up to her, the house would be the same, but Liam made sure this house felt like home. Now that he was gone it felt hollow and cold, not something she thought Spencer needed in his current state. “I am sorry I didn’t go to the funeral. I had to come back.” She absurdly excused herself.

“It’s okay, I understand.” There was a silence that engulfed them as she offered him a seat in her living room. “I don’t blame you.” He clarified and she nodded, not sure how that made her feel. “I also don’t think you should blame yourself.”

“Please stop, don’t profile me right now.” That gained a laugh from him, as he raised his hands in surrender. As he looked around realization hit her. He had no idea she was married, or that Emily Prentiss was, in fact, alive. She quickly texted her telling her friend that the man was in the city and to be careful. She knew it was probably safe, that she was already long gone but she couldn't be too cautious.

“You texting your…?” He looked at her hand, noticing the ring for the first time and she fought the urge to hide it. It somehow felt like a betrayal to him, her getting married after telling him that wasn’t something she was ready for. “Did you have that when you went to D.C.?”

“Yes.” She answered quicker than she hoped. “I’ve had it for a couple of years.” He nodded as if contemplating and analyzing her answer. “And I was not texting my husband, just a friend from work.”

“Oh.” He looked at her as if asking for permission before speaking. “Is he at work?” She shook her head no. “I didn’t interrupt you guys or anything, right? That would be so embarrassing… I can’t believe I didn’t even consider… I am so sorry I-“

“Spencer.” She stopped his rambling; she took a deep breath before she continued. “My husband, Liam, is not here.” She explained. Part of her didn’t want to talk about it, he had enough heartache of his own, but she felt compelled to. She never could hide anything from the genius. “He died in a raid about a year ago.” She said as her hand instinctively moved to her ring.

“I am so sorry.”

“I know.”

“I didn’t know.”

“I know.”

“I-“ He paused for a moment, looking for something else to say, but then what he really wanted to know escaped his thoughts. “Does it get better?”

“I want to say yes. I want to tell you one day you stop missing them and it seems like the sun shines as bright again, but I haven’t gotten there.” A sad smile played on her lips. “I can’t even get myself to take his close out of the closet.”

“Yeah, I can’t look at her parents in the eye.”

“I haven’t spoken to his mother since the funeral.”

“We were trying to have kids.”

That was enough to break the mental boundaries she had. Despite how wrong she knew it was she hugged him, tight, hoping he understood that she wanted him to be okay, that he had her on his side even if that meant nothing to him.

“Sometimes, talking about them helps.” She said once she let go of him, his hand now in between hers. “I didn’t really get to know Maeve; I would love to hear about her.”

And so they sat there, sharing the stories of yet another loss love, the irony never lost on her. The one person she relied on to talk about Liam, the one person to fully understand how she felt was no other than her first love. She let aside the guilt and accepted the comfort and help he provided, even after he went back to Washington, and she remained in France. They still talked, almost daily. Letters, emails—despite him hating emails—and calls. Soon enough it was like they never lost touch like their past relationship never was and they were two friends who lost the person they loved and found comfort within each other.

And after two years she realized that her heart raced every time her phone rang, a tad of guilt for the idea of falling for the brunette while she still wore the wedding ring her late husband had given her. She considered putting it away, she considered telling Spencer what she was feeling once again but the fear stopped her. She couldn’t ruin something so important, she couldn’t sabotage their friendship, but she knew what it was like to be loved by Spencer Reid, and boy did she want to feel that way again. It took her weeks to decide what she was going to do, but before she had a chance to execute her plan, her keeping of Emily’s secret came back to haunt her.

“You knew?!”

“She came to Paris, and she found me.”

“And you never thought to mention it?”

“Emily was long gone into hiding when you and I reconnected.”

“That is not an excuse.”

“It wasn’t my place Spencer.”

“It never is your place, is it?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, just that with you I always know what I am getting into, but I am always stupid enough to fall for it. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you.”

“I wasn’t the one who looked for you!” She spat, trying to hide the effect his words had on her. “Do not make this my fault!”

“I’m not.” His voice was harsh, like that day it all went wrong for the first time. “It’s my fault. For trusting you, for thinking we could be friends. I should know better than to trust a liar.”

“Fuck you, Spencer!”

“Right back at ya!”

And with that, the two years of their rekindling were gone, and once again she watched Spencer Reid walk out of her life. Once again faced with the decision of letting him go or stopping him. As her finger hovered over the call button she froze, this time not by fear, but anger. She understood, he lost his wife and friend, he mourned their death for one of them to suddenly come back to life? It wasn’t fair to him, but it wasn’t her fault! Spencer couldn’t blame her for Emily needing to hide from them, for Emily asking JJ, Hotch, and her to keep it a secret.

I heard the conversation; I’ll talk to him.-Emily

She got ready for bed and pushed aside the feeling of guilt that wished to overwhelm her. This time it wasn’t her fault, she knew it, but she couldn’t help but wish he knew that as well. Instead, she simply responded to the message and turned off her phone.

Don’t bother, it’s not worth the trouble. Love you Em!

Doctor Spencer Reid was a force much too big for her heart and mind to handle. As much as she wished he could stop having such a big influence in her life, she highly doubted that would ever happen, so the least she could do was try and forget their conversation.

Despite her previous determination, she still hoped he would call, say that he was sorry and he didn’t mean those things then she could simply accept his apology, apologize for her language and everything would go back to normal. But as the days turned to weeks and those to months she decided she couldn’t be at this crossroad waiting for him anymore. She could either let him go for good or finally step up and speak to him. The idea of never speaking to him, never hearing him laugh or seeing him smile again, never saying his name, or hearing hers out of his mouth was too much for her to simply move on. She loved Spencer Reid, maybe a part of her always would. She couldn’t let herself stay put while he moved on, not again. They were no longer two twenty-seven-year-olds who had their life ahead of them.

But the fear struck again, she couldn’t lose him too. She couldn’t sit in a restaurant waiting for him just to be greeted by the news that he was no longer in this world. She couldn’t build a home with someone when she had barely taken down all of Liam’s things from their closet. She couldn’t, but part of her wanted to build something with the doctor. That same part of her that screamed at her to follow him the first time. This time she decided to listen to it. She painfully removed the ring in her hand and placed it in the top box, all full of the memories of the man she intended to spend her life with, hoping he would understand. She let a couple of tears fall, knowing that he would always hold a place in her heart, and she made her way to the US. If this backfired and she ended up heartbroken, she could always return to her empty home in Paris. When had reality gotten so dark that she would seek Paris as a place of emptiness? A place to ignore her broken heart until it mended? Life had a funny way of making the things we wished for a twisted reality.

She sighed as she prepared herself to walk up the stairs. She had reached out to JJ, who had given her his address. It was the same place he used to have, as apparently after his wife’s passing he had sold their house. How did he gather the strength to let go of something as meaningful as the home he shared with Maeve? She would never know, but she was proud he continued to try living his life. She knocked and the door opened soon after his gaze confused, and this feeling later replaced by embarrassment.

“Hello, Spencer.” Her mouth was dry, the speech she had prepared long forgotten, fear running through her veins telling her to simply forget all this and run. Return to France and pretend the man in front of her never existed. “Can we talk?” She said as she noticed he hadn’t said a word.

“Yes, um, yeah… come in.” He moved and she did as she was told. “Listen, I was trying to work up the courage to call you, I am sorry I spoke to you like that.” He began as soon as he closed the door.

“Did you mean it?”

“What I said to you that day? No, never!”

“It had to come from somewhere, did it not?”

“Yes, it came from a part of that felt betrayed.” He looked around his apartment, avoiding to meet her gaze. “The more you spoke about him, the more I felt like what we had didn’t mean anything to you, and when I found out you knew about Prentiss, it made me angry but that was because I was already mad at you, I just couldn’t bring myself to accept why.”

“Why are you angry with me?” She asked. “Because I know why I am angry with you. I’m angry because you broke my heart twice, even though I played as much of a part as you the first time. I’m angry because you waltzed right back into my life and turned it upside down. I am so angry that I can’t seem to move on and leave you behind like I wanted to when I left for Paris. I am angry that you are the reason I was finally able to take my ring off.” His eyes drifted to her hand, the mark of the band clear, but no ring in sight. “So, tell me, Spencer Reid, how did I make you angry?”

“You…” He raised his eyes, finally meeting hers, and forced the words out. “I am mad because you moved on. I am angry because you left me and didn’t look back. I am angry because I wanted a family with you and you simply decided to make one with someone else.” He paused, gathering his thoughts. “I am mad because you made me hurt for you, and when I finally found someone I wanted to spend my life with, someone who loved me… She was taken from me and the only person I could talk to about it was you. I am angry because you made sure none of us even knew of Liam and then you spent hours talking about how he made you smile, and he made you happy. I am angry at you because you knew how much grief I had and still you did not tell me about Emily, I am angry because I still love you, despite all this. Because if you told me right now you wanted to be with me I would fly to Paris and never let you go again.”

“I feel guilty for loving you.”

“I feel guilty for loving you too.”

“I should have stopped you; I should have told you I was scared, but I wanted a family. I was ready, but I was scared someday someone would make you realize you could do better than me.” She sighed, the tears now leaving her eyes. “Now I am scared one day I will be at a table, on our anniversary waiting for you and someone will take you from me. I’m scared the grief I feel for Liam will consume me and I won’t be able to love you.”

“I am scared that my grief won’t let me love you either.” He gulped, approaching her for the first time and he laid his hands softly on her shoulder, tears now made both their faces wet. “I can’t walk away from you again. If Maeve taught me anything about love is that you fight for it, to the bitter end. You do not give up on it.” She sobbed, and his grip tightened in a reassuring gesture. “It doesn’t have to be today, nor tomorrow. We do not need to rush; we can take our time.”

“What if I’m too broken?”

“You aren’t. You're hurt, your heart was broken, but if it can be broken, that means it still works.”

“Spencer, I’m scared.”

“I know.”

“But I don’t want you to leave again.”

“I’m not going to.”

“Good.”

That was all she needed, the confirmation that he was there, that he wasn’t going anywhere. The fear subsided, the anger fell, and she embraced him, as tight as she could, and smiled as she felt him embrace her. One did not need to be a genius to know it would take time, grief and heartache take time, but both of them knew that it would get better. It always did.

As she laid beside him, in their new home, she couldn’t help but question how much time she had, how long it would be before fate, or destiny, or whoever was out there would decide to take him from her. This time, though, she didn’t let it get to her. She was married to Dr. Spencer Reid, and they were about to be parents. She smiled at the thought and got out of bed ready for the day that would change their lives forever. It had been almost five years since they spoke again, both grieving the loss of their first spouse. It had taken them three of those five years to decide to move forward and just last year they had sworn to love and protect each other in front of their friends and family. She sighed, contently. She felt her life back on track, as she returned to the BAU shortly after their engagement, selling her Paris house and opting to buy a more modest summer home. She had returned Liam’s clothing to her mother, and even some pictures, while others were in their attic. She did not mean to hide him or push him aside, but both she and Spencer decided it was best to keep them close without letting them become an obstacle in their lives together. Maeve and Liam had shown both of them how to love, how to fight for the person you want to spend your life with, and when it was okay to let go, and that was something neither of them would ever forget.

“Ready?” Her husband asked as she grabbed her car keys.

“As ready as they come, Dr. Reid.”

“What do you think it will be, a boy or a girl?” He joked.

“Very funny.” They held hands as she drove to the building, nerves, and excitement building up. Soon enough they were at no more than thirty seconds of being parents of two beautiful kids.

“I do have to say, it is rare for a couple who is already expecting to want and adopt. What made you do this?”

He looked at you, a smile full of pride and love clear on his face, knowing the answer to this question. “There are so many kids that need a home, and love. I figured if my husband and I can offer both, why not do it? Any kid deserves two loving parents and whether I gave birth to them or not shouldn’t matter.” The woman smiled at the couple.

Her two-month belly was barely barely showing, but the agency knew about it already. It was true they had decided to adopt before she found out she was expecting, but that didn’t change their plans, it simply meant another baby would join the family. The two kids, a brother, and sister about eleven and twelve joined the adults. Their nerves and fear obvious in their expression. She couldn’t help but want to hug them and never let go.

“Are you guys our new mom and dad?” The girl asked, her brother frowning at the thought.

“We are not here to replace your mom and dad.” She assured them, the frown on the boy disappearing. “We would love it for you guys to live with us, we want to take care of you if that is something you guys would like."

After a long conversation with the children and them accepting to live with the couple they made their way home, Spencer rambling about statistics on videogames as a way to excuse his lack of skill. She laughed at the sight and couldn’t help but feel complete. She smiled and turned for a second to look at him before returning her eyes to the road. “Fourteen, almost fifteen.” She mumbled to herself. Spencer looked at her with confusion. “That’s how long we’ve known each other. That’s how long I’ve dreamed of this day but was too afraid to fight for it.”

“Do you want the exact time?” He questioned.

“No. It will make me feel old.” They both laughed.

Soon they arrived in their home, their children next to them and they showed them their rooms. After having dinner together and making sure the kids felt comfortable and at home they returned to their bed and laid there, her head on his chest and his hand on her lower back. “I love you; you know that?”

“I know, and I love you too.” He left a soft kiss on her hairline.

They heard small steps and a knock, he stood and turned on the lights before opening the door, the girl in the door had fear written all over her face and her brother was behind her. “Megan doesn’t like to sleep in the dark.” He noted.

“I don’t like to sleep alone.” She corrected. “Can I sleep with you?”

“Of course sweetie!” Spencer picked her up and placed her on the bed next to her, as she moved to make space.

“Do you want to sleep with us too Dylan?” She asked the boy. He was reluctant but ultimately nodded running up to the bed and laying in between his sister and her. Spencer turned off the light. All four slept together, not once letting go of each other. It felt right, exactly where they needed to be.

The memory of the day she let him go still came from time to time, but her fear that he would leave her never did. She loved Spencer Reid, her colleague, friend, companion, husband. She loved him and he loved her. And now, now they had a family, the past made them who they were, but it didn’t have to define who they could become.

#spencer x y/n #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #criminal minds #cm #spencer reid fanfiction

73 notes · View notes

headinthe-fridge · 4 years

Text

My Grandfather’s Lawyer (Pt. 10)

⁂ – Ushijima Wakatoshi x reader – ⁂

warning: nsfw, swearing

Summary: Your grandfather, Washijo Tanji, disowned your mother when she was pregnant with you and her hatred towards him was passed on to you. Now, your estranged grandfather wants you to leave your life in Tokyo and come live with him in his estate in the Miyagi Prefecture.

You took a day off and a 6-hour trip, intending to give him a piece of your mind before disappearing from their lives forever. You didn’t expect to see an ailing and fragile old man. Your day trip stretched into weeks and soon, you patched things up with your estranged family and warmed up to everyone -except to one: Ushijima Wakatoshi -your grandfather’s lawyer.

He thinks you have ulterior motives in reuniting with your grandfather.

You weren’t suppose to care what he thinks of you. His opinion didn’t matter.

But it did.

AN: AHHHHHHH it’s ending, just one last part after this. Once again, thank you guys, like reaaaaally thank you for reading My Grandfather’s Lawyer. I really appreciate it. I hope you also support my next fics. :)))

"Listen, babes," Tooru stood akimbo with a brow raised as he looked at you.

"After everything you told me -his actions, him acting up whenever you're with that Kotaro guy, those are indications that he likes you too. He's acting up cos' he's jealous."

You groaned. "But that's impossible, how can he be jealous when it's Hoshina she likes?"

"Oh god, I knew you are hard-headed but I didn't know you also have a thick skull."

You grimaced at him and was about to reply when the doorbell rang. Your grimace turned into a glare, directed at none other than Tooru. "Who the hell did you invite this time?"

The said man looked at you innocently. "No one! It's just Haji and me, plus Shoyo who knows about your farewell party," He reasoned out.

Your eyes roamed the house, Kiyoko was on her way to the door while Shoyo and Hajime lounged on the couch -a forgotten movie playing on the television. It had been two weeks since you got back in Tokyo and today, your clique decided to throw you a farewell party since you will be staying in Miyagi for good starting tomorrow.

Your bags are packed and you're ready to go -or not. At least not until after you've wasted yourself with your friends on your last day in Tokyo. You promised to stay in touch with them and schedule get-togethers in the future, you've also planned on having them stay over in Miyagi for a vacation and they were thrilled with the idea.

"Who could that be?" You mused.

You almost fell on your feet when the Kiyoko pulled the door open and revealed the person behind the door. It was none other than Ushijima Wakatoshi -wearing a shirt and dark jeans, his hair swept back in a boy-next-door style that made you drool.

You swiftly turned your back from the door and Tooru met your gaze, his eyebrows wiggling in curiosity. "Ooh, is that him?" He teased.

"Shut up."

"He's making his way towards us and babes, I was right. He's one big ball of jealousy. If looks could kill I'd be lying dead by your feet."

"Y/n," His sultry voice called, the sound sending tingles down your middle.

You gulped before turning around to face him, your senses once again bombarded with his palpable presence. You were about to reply when you felt Tooru lean towards you and place his head on your shoulder, nuzzling his temple against your neck.

"Who's he, babes?" He drawled out, intending for the lawyer to hear it clearly.

Behind Ushijima, you could see Kiyoko, Shoyo, and Hajime (smirking) peeking to see the exchange.

"Babes?" Ushijima spat, his face unreadable.

"Got a problem with that?" Tooru challenged.

Ushijima's jaw visibly clenched and you feared for a second that he would punch Tooru right then and there. You flinched when he lifted his hand, you thought he was really gonna do it, but instead, he reached out for your wrist and whisked you away from Tooru and pulled you towards him.

You did not appreciate being manhandled like that so you yanked your wrist free from his grasp. "What are you doing here?"

"I'll deal with you later." Was the only thing he said to you before he turned his attention back to Tooru. "You must be Tooru, I'm Ushijima Wakatoshi, their family's lawyer and yes, I have a problem with your calling y/n babes." He wrinkled his nose in disgust.

Tooru's eyes gleamed and you already know what went on in his mind.

"Oh, that's fine, I call y/n a lot of names. Would love suffice?" Then he turned to you. "Is that okay, love?"

"I would appreciate it if you would drop the endearments, Tooru-san. Y/n's grandfather wouldn't want you as his grandchild's significant other."

"And who would y/n's ji-ji want? You?"

"Yes, in fact, I already asked for his permission to date his grandchild and he approved of it."

You whipped your head to face him, eyes wide. "W-what?"

"I said I'd deal with you later."

You felt a vein pop in your head, annoyed at his dismissal. You grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled the towering man down to your face. "What the hell did you do?" You growled.

He sighed, his hot breath reached your face. "I asked your grandfather if I could date you because I like you, y/n."

Your grip on his shirt loosened. "Huh? B-but didn't you like Hoshina? You were ranting on about not wanting her to get hurt the last time we talked."

"Like I said, thick-skulled," Tooru commented.

"Shut up, Tooru." You barked then craned your neck in search of Hajime. "Get your boyfriend out of here Haj, before I strangle him to death."

It was Ushijima who went wide-eyed this time -which was a first since all this time, the only facial expression he could do was glower at you. It's nice to know that he could appear surprised and confused at times.

"Boyfriend?"

"Yes, boyfriend. Tooru has a boyfriend, what even is your problem?"

His eyes darted between Tooru and you. "I thought-"

"Hah! You thought I was y/n's boyfriend? Eww!"

You chuckled, remembering the incident in the kitchen. "That's what you get for eavesdropping, and for always drawing baseless assumptions."

"I-I didn't..."

"What? Cat got your tongue?" You jeered when the lawyer was obviously at a loss for words -which was also the first time it happened because back in Miyagi he always -always- had something to say back to you.

"Rest easy, I'm just y/n's friend -Oikawa Tooru," He stretched out his hand and Ushijima warily met his in a brief handshake. "That's Iwaizumi Hajime -my boyfriend, Hinata Shoyo, and Shimizu Kiyoko." He proceeded to introduce everyone.

The three mumbled out 'nice to meet you' in a chorus before Tooru shooed them all away from the kitchen -including himself- to give you and Ushijima time to talk and "sort out your mess."

"Seriously, can't you wait til' I'm back before telling me that?"

Ushijima furrowed his brows and looked at you intently. His deep gaze pierced your soul. "I couldn't wait any longer, not when I don't know when you'd come back. Tanji-san did everything to make you stay but here you are, back in Tokyo."

You flashed him an incredulous look. "Wait, did ji-ji not tell you?" You laughed when his face answered your question. Yes, it seems your grandfather did not tell him anything. "I was gonna go back tomorrow, I just had to settle some things here before I stay in Miyagi for good. Did he not tell you that?"

He looked indignant. "No, he didn't."

"Well, now you know. I was enjoying my last night here in Tokyo before you barged in and almost picked a fight with my friend."

"I'm sorry, y/n," He said sincerely which made you do a double-take. "It's just that, I didn't like it one bit when he called you that and got all affectionate with you. Imagine, I came all this way from Miyagi to settle things with you, and then I see you not even the least affected by my absence, all while with a man. I couldn't sleep knowing that you're miles away from me."

Your heart skipped a beat at his speech. You wanted to believe him, you really do but you also didn't want to get your hopes too high and find out in the end that it wasn't what you thought it was again. You've learned your lesson the first time.

"I find that hard to believe, Ushijima-san."

"How so? I told you I want you, I wouldn't just kiss anyone like that."

You flushed at the memory of his lips ravaging yours. "How can you say that when you even accused me of being after my grandfather's money?"

"That was me being an asshole, I admit, but that was just because I wanted to rile you up so you would notice me."

"Notice you?"

"Look, y/n, I liked you the first time I saw you when you arrived in Miyagi that day. The fire in your eyes had me smitten with you. You are strong-willed and stubborn, but that's what I like best about you, y/n. You know what you want and you'd stop at nothing to get it. You don't take shit from anyone, hell, you don't take shit from me no matter what I do. You're a fighter, you're brave but damn, your kiss was something else.

He took a step towards you, hands cupping either side of your cheeks.

"It frustrated me to no end that you've warmed up to everyone but me. It's like every time I see you, you were always glaring at me. Tell me, sweetheart, what have I done wrong and what can I do to make it right?"

Your heart raced in your chest at his litany. Shit, you didn't know that Ushijima Wakatoshi could spew hopeless romantic declarations, and that made your knees jelly. His piercing eyes melt your insides and there was nothing else you could say except,

"Just shut up and kiss me, Ushijima."

Taglist: @thegrumpyhag @sushij1ma @valoryess @yakus-yakult @ly-nia @ushi-please @plutoglass @kokofirebangbomb @strawberryy-milkk @melanieacademy @defunkitatedmess @lunarknox @wtoshii @kyomihann @multishippers-trash-blog @monviemoo @sarahvvictoria

#haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu!!#Ushijima Wakatoshi #ushijima wakatoshi x reader #ushijima wakatoshi x you #ushijima x reader #ushijima x you #ushijima #hq ushijima #wakatoshi x reader #wakatoshi x you #haikyuu wakatoshi

93 notes · View notes

chibivesicle · 3 years

Text

Golden Kamuy chapter 259 & 260 - predictable events [shrugs]

Chapter 259 starts with a flashback to Abashiri Prison as Boutarou is released from solitary confinement. Shiraishi asks him what he did to land in solitary, specifically who he beat up - and we learn it was Ueji. This goes back to the story by Ueji about how he told Boutarou he saw his aunt, a woman that Boutarou has now confirmed never existed. Since Ueji was messing with Boutarou, he was upset/offended enough that he had no problem killing him.

This shows us that Boutarou seems to be sensitive to joking/teasing/bullying as Shiraishi chides him for his frequent trips to solitary.

This allows for us to see a contemplative/serious facial expression on Boutarou’s face before he continues the conversation with Shiraishi who is picking his nose with his toes?

This then allows for a wistful looking image of Shiraishi replying that he doesn’t have any family waiting for him outside of prison, and he was abandoned at a temple as a baby. This knowledge of abandonment is how Boutarou wants to connect with Shiraishi; that they are alone in this world at the present.

This allows Boutarou to ask him if he’d return to the temple, but Shiraishi could careless; he ran away in the first place and it likely doesn’t exist as it seemed to be on its way out. As expected, he just jokes if he had a lot of money he’d spent it on prostitutes (and implying that he’s filling his emptiness with transactional sex).

Nihei, reminds them the only thing that matters is to use the tattoo as a way to get out of prison and do whatever you want unrelated to the gold. This is expected for the man who returned to the mountain to hunt.

They return to Boutarou’s goal, to amass a small fortune e.g. the gold and create his own kingdom. The next page or so just focuses on how he came from a large family with 14 members and how he was the only one who didn’t die of smallpox. He isn’t just interested in having a large family to compensate for his lost family, he goes beyond that where by becoming the king, he’ll always be remembered and not forgotten as the founder. He is a man who wants to preserve himself not only genetically through having lots of kids but also through mythology and nation building concepts.

Shiraishi and Nihei tease him a little about his dreams which they find to be completely unrealistic which he is not amused with. Speaking very frankly with him, Shiraishi points out that Boutarou is a lonely guy and that his dream is a reflection of his loneliness.

This exchange is interesting to me for two reasons. 1.) This shows us that Shiraishi is an observant guy which we know but it is another instance of it in his past. 2.) He can be very blunt and forward with Boutarou. I find him to be very assertive with Boutarou, a man who just came out of solitary for beating up another prisoner. Yet, Shiraishi can speak like this with him and this also alludes to their current time line interactions where Boutarou respects Shiraishi and understands him well - as well as Shiraishi understands him.

This frank openness between them continues on the next page. Shiraishi jokes back that he’s been a king - and escape king. But Boutarou’s critique of him is a valid and honest one.

Breaking out of jail isn’t a long term plan. Having a dream like Boutarou’s is a viable plan, that since he is unwelcome in current society, he’s like ‘fuck this - I’ll just make my own society’ He lost his home and community support and it was clearly influential on him as a child both having a family and then the loss. So, for him creating his own special home is his driving force in his actions and reason to become involved in the hunt for the gold.

And not missing a beat, he tells Shiraishi he also needs to create his own home if he lacks one - just like him. The level of frankness between the two of them - they clearly have more than just a passing ‘professional’ relationship.

The manga returns to the current events and Boutarou is telling Asirpa to let go of the door so that she can return to her home with Sugimoto and that they can become a family. I get it, he knows she has a crush on him and all little girls dream of finding a man and getting married etc etc. I don’t doubt Asirpa’s crush on Sugimoto, but she is also not the type of young teen girl who would be so simple minded.

Sugimoto is struggling to breathe in a corridor of the brewery as he falls into his rather pathetic monologuing about how pathetic he is. Nice copy and paste of the rifle there Noda. We saw it a few chapters ago when Ogata was eyeing Usami’s which was also Ogata’s when Vasily sniped at them.

Why do I not take Sugimoto’s whole ‘boo hoo’ bit seriously? Because this shows us how he actually sees Asirpa and her relationship with him. He ‘finally got her back’ she ‘got stolen away again’. Even with the English translation, the intention is still clear, Asirpa is like an object to him.

Read these following sentences;

1. Kiro and Ogata stole Asirpa from Sugimoto.

2. Kiro and Ogata kidnapped Asirpa from Sugimoto.

3. Kiro, and Ogata took Asirpa to Karafuto.

As an objective reader of the manga which of these is the most factually correct? Number 3, at heart Kiro and Ogata had a plan to take Asirpa to Karafuto to learn the code and connect with Sofia. Yet, this is not the narrative that Sugimoto tells himself or others. He continues to go with number 1, that Kiro and Ogata stole Asirpa from him and now Boutarou stole Asirpa from him. Asirpa is something that he possesses. This is problematic as it shows how unequal their partnership is.

I’d argue a more equal partnership if he used number 2. That she was kidnapped which is a word we use to distinguish people from mere objects in English. Is my argument 100% based on this - not quite since we are working with the translation of the original text, but ever since Karafuto, Sugimoto has acted like Asirpa is something that he and only he has privy to and completely ignores the fact that she is her own person and will exercise free will.

Therefore, this also pokes holes in Boutarou’s reading that Asirpa will cave to the idea that if he tells her to go home and marry Sugimoto that will solve her problems. I’m pretty confident that Asirpa does not see her relationship with Sugimoto the same way that he sees her and Shiraishi already made a point about this back before they were to meet up with Tsurumi.

Anyways, back to the action. We don’t see if Asirpa let’s go of the door, we just see that Koito is aggressively approaching Boutarou with his sabre raised and notices that he has Asirpa.

With is luscious locks, Bouatrou is able to distract Koito and punch him with his long reach. He goes to shoot Koito, but a shot hits his hand with the revolver and it is Tsukishima close behind.

He orders Boutarou to withdraw, and he dashes out with Asirpa and heads to a lower level where the beer flood happened.

Asirpa is still resisting trying to hold onto the railings of a staircase, making his fast escape a bit of an issue. She also is able to raise a fundamental question - the gold was supposed to be used by the Ainu to create their own country. Therefore, if the gold is stolen by Boutarou, she will be unable to protect her own homeland - the one he keeps telling her to go back to.

We get an image of the clear cutting of the forest in Hokkaido that almost killed her and then she thinks of the kotan where Wilk was born that is now a fox farm. The traces of her Karafuto relatives is already gone, taken over by the Japanese for less sustainable practices.

Boutarou sweats nervously, he doesn’t have an answer for her since this is now an example of conflict with their own dreams and goals for the gold. However, this philosophical pause from him, allows for Koito the strike him with his sabre from behind. Koito prepares for his second strike as Boutarou falls back into the pool of beer.

Asirpa meanwhile still clings to the stair railing as Koito is ready to strike again.

Boutarou swims off and it is unclear where he’s gone to. Koito is impressed by Boutarou’s toughness as Asirpa coughs on the stairs. Only then do we hear Tsukishima’s voice asking Koito where he is. And with that I internally groan.

Me - goddammit Koito! Why did you go and do almost the exact same thing you did on the ice floe and with Sugimoto. Don’t rush ahead with no back up. You just realized he’s a tough guy. Well, at least this time he tells Tsukishima where he is and to come quickly.

He says that he secured Asirpa and doesn’t notice that Boutarou has emerged from the beer and is clearly going to attack him. He looks like a gross beer/swamp monster, his teeth visible and eyes covered by his long hair.

By time Tsukishima arrives with his rifle at ready he sees Asirpa and only Koito’s sabre.

[facepalms]

Come on Koito, I’m rooting for you buddy, but please stop running ahead. You are slowly getting better, but one aspect of being a leader of men is to have men to lead, not leave behind.

And the chapter ends with his heightened tension that Koito has been pulled back under the beer.

I have other deep thoughts (lol. terrible pun) about chapter 259 so lets move onto 260 which goes back a few seconds to show us what happened to Koito. Boutarou reaches out towards Koito and he’s able to overpower him.

Asirpa tries to crawl away as Koito drops his sabre and is drug under the surface of the beer. We all know that Boutarou is going to try to drown him as he can hold his breath longer than his victims.

Tsukishima finally reaches where Asirpa is and he flat out asks her were Koito is. She ignores him and tries to dash away, but he grabs onto her wolf pelt cloak. The last panel then shoes her as she draws her knife and swings at Tsukishima!

Yes! Asirpa is about to use her knife against him! There is so much desperation in her behavior. Koito then reaches his hand up as bubbles come to the surface, and we see Tsukishima holding Asirpa’s hand on her knife. Tsukishima calls out for Koito and Asirpa tells him that he was pulled into the beer.

He then uses his rifle to hold her against him and still holds her hand with the knife out of the way as he tells himself that Asirpa is more important than everything else.

Koito is held underwater as his boot sticks out and we see that Boutarou is trying to strangle him with his hair (he truly has impressive hair!) as Koito begins to weaken. We are left briefly wondering if Koito will be abandoned - but come on, we know what will happen.

Tsukishima kicks Boutarou in the head allowing Koito to sit up. Tsukishima then shoots Boutarou, and we see some blood diffuse out into the beer. Tsukishima is focused as he ejects the empty shell and Boutarou swims off.

He tells Koito to get out of the beer as he may return, and Koito angrily asks about Asirpa. She’s heading out on her own, as the smoke causes her to cough her knife out and ready. Koito is upset that Tsukishima[aaaa] let her go to save him. This is so interesting to me as it does show that Koito felt that he is less important than Asirpa. He was willing to potentially die which, despite his impulsive behaviors, this time he at least seems to be aware of it.

Tsukishima can’t look at him as he apologizes and Koito berates him that saving him is not a priority. This pretty much seals the deal for these two men. Tsukishima is Koito’s older brother and he has shown that he doesn’t have it in himself to hurt Koito for Tsurumi.

This is at least one instance where Koito does at least own up and state that he should have followed orders. So, kudos to more self-aware Koito, though I’m sure he’s still thankful that Tsukishima saved him.

Nikaido is randomly wandering around (clearly no longer wanting to kill Sugimoto) as he finds her.

She again aggressively goes to strike him with her knife. Asirpa is beyond desperate - is she trying to mirror Sugimoto by just forging ahead and attacking everyone with no thought about harming them?

But just like with Tsukishima, she is immediately overpowered. Without her poison tipped arrows, she’s at a huge disadvantage. Emulating your crush’s fighting style isn’t going to work.

Thankfully, karma intervenes and she doesn’t harm him. Instead, she activates his chopstick dispenser and she’s taken down by a chopstick to the forehead.

This is rather fitting since, she’s been stopped by an item she would find important, chopsticks which along with spoons facilitate one of her loves - food. And with that she is delivered to Tsurumi who praises Nikaido.

The next page is when things get really interesting. Nikaido is upset that Sugimoto is alive and Tsurumi blows him off. Very rough looking Tsukishima and Koito then make it to Tsurumi to see that Asirpa has been caught. Likely on autopilot, Tsukishima starts speaking . . . but Koito then continues and reports to him as the commanding officer of the two.

He then mid-explaination becomes incredibly uncomfortable unable to speak. We can’t see Tsurumi’s facial expression, it would be nice to know what Koito sees as he only awkwardly ends stating they were in the brewery.

Koito is sweating profusely, whatever Tsurumi looked like, he just realized that he should have let Tsukishima do the talking as he’s given away that his fear of speaking to Tsurumi is gone. The fact that Tsurumi hesitates before telling him that he understands, leaves Koito in shock as Tsukishima is likely trying to not lose it with him. Since he now knows that Koito has given away something about his changed status towards Tsurumi. Since Tsurumi is in the realm of super smart villain, I’d guess Tsukishima knows that Tsurumi knows about how Koito learned something about his kidnapping which was what lead to his in ability to speak to him in the first place. Recall, that when they were in Kagoshima, young Koito could speak to Tsurumi with little issue.

Tsurumi then calls for a retreat and avoid any more fights. Apparently, he now has enough information to crack the code. Okay Tsurumi - does this mean you can do so with Asirpa? Since, he still doesn’t know the Ainu name that is matches with. . . .

Nikaido pouts in the background as Koito looks like he wants to fade into the background. Tsukishima clearly doesn’t look happy either as he holds Asirpa. I guess being Tsurumi’s right hand man means he gets to hold onto her?

He likely feels uncomfortable about things since now that Koito has let the cat out of the bag, Tsurumi will likely ask him about what happened between them.

Boutarou exits, pissed off at how he lost Asirpa but seems to be alright overall. Of course, the next page reveals Sugimoto charging towards him to give Asirpa back. Yep, attack first, ask questions later/maybe Sugimoto.

Sugimoto pretty much has murder eyes as he thinks attacking Boutarou will solve his problem.

Now, the fact that Boutarou has survived this well, tells me that he likely has the same ‘luck’ that Sugimoto has. He was stabbed by Sugimoto, his ear cut off, slashed by Koito, and shot twice by Tsukishima. It is pretty damn obvious that Boutarou is to be both a foil and a twin to Sugimoto. The only difference between them is Boutarou became a criminal, while Sugimoto became a soldier a man with a license to kill under the laws of the government while enlisted in the army. Since leaving the army, he’s killed many people in the quest for the gold, but that doesn’t make him a ‘good guy’ because he’s a former soldier.

Sugimoto is always trying to tell others how he’s better than they are. He’s better than the convicts because he didn’t break the law. But, if we look at his own actions, he may have been worse than some of the convicts having killed more people than they did. Think of Shiraishi or Nihei. Nihei killed those hunters, but he refused to go off to war and lost his son in the Sino-Japanese war. Therefore, we could argue that based on the number of people killed, Sugimoto is far worse than Nihei as he was almost karmic in his revenge. Furthermore, Nihei even let himself be arrested, he killed the one man but didn’t even fight the police as his revenge was complete and he accepted his fate.

What I’m getting to is that Boutarou is the character who is going to disrupt Sugimoto and make him very uncomfortable and be unable to keep acting like he’s on the ‘right’ side of things. Sugimoto needs to stop othering the convicts and tell himself he’s better than all of them - his own decisions led him to this just like something drove Boutarou to become a pirate and criminal.

I predict that Shiraishi will rush in to stop Sugimoto from killing Boutarou. We still need to learn more about their past and what is the full connection between Shiraishi and Boutarou. There is much more to learn, Shiraishi is too open and frank with him and he lets Boutarou get close to him physically and emotionally.

Hijikata’s group then regroups and decides what to do. Of course Hijikata being the manly man that he is, states he’ll enter if required.

Kirawus then begins to panic that that no one has seen Kadokura. Apparently shooting off the firework was too distracting for him and he didn’t keep track of his drinking buddy. What were you doing man? Where were you? You aren’t very good at these sorts of things?

Kadokura apologizes to Hijikata for failing to stick with him to the end as he lie on the floor of the room with the mash pots. We see Kirawus at his most emotional as he cries out and Kantarou holds him back.

Is Kirawus a softy at heart? I was predicting that he’d have gone in to save him but no, we get a demonstration of Kadokura’s good bad luck as the collapsing building makes a bed for him, tucks him into the futon and even gives him a beer to enjoy.

I personally like this use of extremely unlikely events surrounding him. Sometimes, I find some of the more crass humor in GK to be not my cup of tea, but this sort of absurdist humor is good. For a very action and emotionally charged chapter this is a good resolution of the tension.

Kadokura is rewarded for trying his best by being rescued by the building. Yep, he’s certainly more competent than he appears. Is he the secret weapon of team Hijikata?

Conclusions on these chapters.

As I stated in the title, things are pretty predictable, but rewarding for the readers at least.

Asirpa has shown that when she loses her cool, she leads to her own capture. Separated from Sugimoto, she makes many poor decisions. She tries to leave Koito to be killed by Boutarou. She attacks Tsukishima and Nikaido. She tried to use the poison arrow on Kikuta. As a character who started out with a strong do no harm to other humans, she’s quickly sliding into grey. I think the worst part was almost ignoring Koito. She is hesitant to tell Tsukishima what happened and uses his pause to try to attack him.

Her capture is the worst outcome of events. She should have listened to Kikuta and found another solution. She could have just let Boutarou escape with her and bide her time. It seems that her reckless and aggressive behavior has backfired. Sure, some readers will be like ‘She was just defending herself!’ but without her arrows, she is at a huge disadvantage and should know when to give up. I’m pretty sure that this mindset comes from her being with Sugimoto.

Boutarou will team up with Sugimoto with Shiraishi as the mediator. ‘Cause it is obvious.

Koito is freaked out that he gave away his personal growth, Nikaido is stewing in the background and Tsukishma just looks guilty.

Hijikata’s group will likely retreat with Kadokura leaving Shiraishi, Boutarou, and Sugimoto behind. Since other than Shiraishi, the other two men are just annoyances to Hijikata.

Ogata is somewhere. Is he going to continue his sniper battle or will he retreat? He seemed pretty chill when he walked by Kikuta. The smoke and fire and chaos will really mess with things, but Vasily is likely losing his cool.

Vasily, the character who had potential but currently is lame may be waiting for Ogata? Or maybe he could pull back?

Lastly, where is Kikuta? Does he know that Ogata shot Usami? I can’t help but seeing him stroll into the headquarters of the 27th and be like “Hey everyone. What did I miss?” [as he strikes a sexy pose and lights a cigarette].

It would be neat to learn if they at least chatted about something.

Well that is all for now. Let’s see how the insanity continues to unfold.

#golden kamuy #golden kamuy meta #asirpa #koito otonoshin #tsukishima hajime #tsurumi tokushirou #nikaido #sugimoto saichi #boutarou the pirate #Shiraishi Yoshitake #warrant officer kikuta #kadokura #kirawus #hijikata toshizo

28 notes · View notes

halethestilinskis · 4 years

Text

“I Don’t Remember You” - Derek Hale Imagine

Derek Hale has been a pain in the ass since high school. He was always the cool guy who would walk down the halls with his friends. A basketball in one hand, his other arm hanging over the shoulder of yet another girl, and yet everyone wishes they could be that girl. You always rolled your eyes at him. He never really looked at you, or paid you any sort of attention, but you hoped your eyes burned hot enough that he felt it when you walked down the hall.

And then he left.

No one knew why. Some thought he died in the fire, some thought he got shipped to a foster home, and others thought he started the fire and was arrested, but you always worried about him. You didn’t know why, since you never really feelings for him, maybe it was just the sense of not knowing what actually happened that worried you.

The school year started earlier than usual this year, and it was still full blown summer in Beacon Hills, making you regret taking an internship at a school that has no A/C. You dressed in something nice, a cute button up with a tasteful knee length skirt, and plenty of deodorant, you didn’t want to smell, or sweat through your clothes. The office manager welcomed you with a bright smile saying, “good morning”. You smiled back and repeated the phrase, but not quite as cheerfully, you were never a morning person, and waking up at 5:30 to get ready, really took a toll on you.

She had you sit down by her desk and go through what you would be doing today, and it didn’t seem like much. You started putting mail in the correct teachers slot, and learned how to print out the schedules for students, since many were bound not to have them, and she was right.

The day went on as normal, and you were allowed to take your break around 11, when all the student started to go to lunch. You were thankful to have a 30 minute break, and decided to spend it in your car.

As you walked out to the parking lot, you noticed a few students by a blue Jeep, standing around, looking a little heated. Unsure if you had the authority to speak to them and tell them to get to class, you just walked your car, trying not to draw attention to yourself. You couldn’t hear what they were saying, but the bigger one in a gray t-shirt was clearly the boss of the ensemble. Who knew you’d be able to have lunch and a show?

10 minutes of these kids arguing, the bell rings to signal the end of lunch, and 2 of them scurried back into the school, one of them hanging behind, you decided you should tell him to follow so he doesn’t get in trouble.

He looked a little brooding, and your stomach was definitely in knots walking up to them, you certainly weren't an authority figure.

“Hey” you called, your heels clicking on the pavement.

He turned to you quickly, apparently you had snapped him out of his thoughts, and centered his body so he was looking straight at you.

“Hey” you repeated, “I just wanted to let you know you should get back to class, the second bell is about to ri - -“ and who he was immediately hit you.... Derek Hale.

“I was just talking to some friends” he waved off, “I’m leaving now”

“Wait” you stopped him, he looked at you with a cocked eyebrow and you realized you didn’t know what to say, you’ve never actually talked to this kid, “didn’t you used to go to this high school?”

He gave you a bizarre expression and turned to look at the school, his memories catching him off guard, he flinched a little.

“Yeah” he stated, “did I know you?”

“You don’t remember me..” you spoke softly, “of course you wouldn’t, I never talked to you” you continued stupidly to yourself.

He gave a little chuckle “sorry” he said with a small smile, his arms still crossed on his defined chest.

“You’re Derek Hale, right?” You wondered aloud, just confirming your suspicions.

“Yeah” he said simply, a stupid smirk on his handsome face. He’s grown up a lot in the few years he wasn’t here. His body was more defined, his face a little more chiseled, and the facial hair definitely suited him more than his baby face.

You snapped out of your thoughts, realizing you were staring at him a little longer than you should have.

“I hated you in high school” you chuckled, causing him to cock an eyebrow in confusion. “I mean, I didn’t really have a reason” you rambled, “I guess I just didn’t like that you were sort of a player”

He laughed, uncrossing and recrossing his arms, “i just gave those girls the 5 minutes of fame walking down the hallway, I never actually hung out with them or anything” he crossed his legs as he leaned on the Jeep.

“Yeah well, it never appeared that way” you said sarcastically with a small smile.

“It’s okay to be jealous” he winked casually.

“Oh I never was, but I did wonder why you left, I knew a lot happened but there were so many rumors circulating, you just don’t know the truth” you told him, hoping he would cure your curiosity.

“Yeah, I left after the house burnt down” he shrugged, seeming to come to terms with it, but you saw a little flare in his eyes.

You nodded your head, unsure of what to say. It was a very awkward silence until the second bell decided to ring, and you hoped the boys he was talking to got to class okay. You looked at your watch, realizing you only had about 7 minutes left on your break, and that you should start heading inside.

“Well it was good to see you, you look great” you gestured to him, “and seem to be doing well for yourself, hopefully I’ll catch you around sometime”.

As you started to walk away, you heard him shift off the car, to a standing position, “I didn’t get your name” you could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Sorry” you blushed, “it’s y/n y/l/n”

“I’ll see you around then” and he walked away from the shitty Jeep you thought was his, to a shiny new black Camaro and revved the engine as he sped away.

As you walked back into the office, starting to sweat from the stagnant air, you could help but feed into your racing mind. Was it you, or was he flirting with you? No. He wasn’t, that’s just like Derek to make you think that. But would you have minded if he did? Absolutely not, he was good looking in high school, but he was even more breath taking now. He occupied your thoughts so heavily, the receptionist in the office had to ask you how lunch was three times, getting more annoyed each time she asked. You tried to tell her all about it, but she was too annoyed with your lack of response to care about it now, so you dropped it after saying it was good. Not the best impression on the first day.

The rest of the day dragged on, as you wrote more passes for people to see their guidance counselors, and passed them out the classes they were in. Your new friend wasn’t talking to you anymore, due to you ignoring her.

School let out with a ring at 2 PM, and you went to grab your things quickly, so you didn’t get stuck in the parking lot.

“Is there anything else you need me to do?” You asked awkwardly, hoping the answer was no.

“You’re all set” she said blandly, waving you on.

You have a curt nod and went on your way, seeing the black Camaro in the parking lot again.

You tried to think nothing of it, nothing more than Derek helping out a couple of his friends in the Jeep, but it didn’t help distract you from obsessing over your earlier conversation, and you hoped he would see you and talk to you, but you couldn’t even see where he was so even glance at him hopefully.

Getting into your car, you threw your purse on the passenger seat, and checked your phone. There were a few texts from friends asking how your day went and some ‘good lucks’ from a few family members that had texted you while you were at work. As you went to answer them, there was a rap on your window that made you scream and throw your phone. You felt around the floorboards of your car for a few seconds before looking up and seeing one of the boys from the heated Jeep conversation earlier.

“Hi” you said rolling down your window, wondering what this was all about, “can I help you?”

“Hi” he smiled brightly, “Ms. y/l/n right?”

“Uhh” you stammered, “it’s y/n, I’m just an intern”

“Oh” he shrugged not caring, “Derek said to give you this” you pointed his head over to where Derek was standing by the Jeep.

“Thanks” you said with an awkwardly bright smile, your stomach in tight knots. He gave you a thumbs up and raced back to the Jeep, getting inside the drivers side, Derek turning around and going to the Camaro.

You unfolded the piece of paper slowly, not sure what to think, and trying not to get your hopes up about Derek Hale, but sure enough, it was his phone number and your heart went soaring.

“Hey” you texted him, your heart pounding, you watched it go through with a blue bubble and quickly put your car into drive and sped home, not looking at your phone until you finally got there.

A/N: I plan to make this into a couple parts, because I know where I want to go with the story, I just wanted to create a back story as well. Let me know if you like it!

#teen wolf #teen wolf imagines #derek hale #derek hale imagine

103 notes · View notes

yehet-me-up · 4 years

Text

Surrender

PAIRING: Kihyun x reader

RATING: M for language/sexy times

GENRE: Enemies to lovers, smut

WORD COUNT: 4,695

SUMMARY: How do you choose dignity over desire when ever inch of your body is screaming for release?

Monsta X Kinks series part seven: Blindfold 🙈

He is not your boyfriend. Not anymore.

He should be no one to you. He should absolutely not matter.

But despite all of these obvious and logical facts, you can't stop paying attention to him.

From the bar he watches you dance like you're his personal entertainment for the evening. He takes a swallow of what looks to be a gin and tonic and grimaces at the taste. With heavy-lidded eyes he licks the alcohol off his bottom lip and stares at your ass in a way that really should piss you off.

Unfortunately for your sanity, and for your long-standing hatred of him, it's only succeeding in turning you on. Bastard.

Not that you have one these days; a boyfriend, that is. Even if you did, it wouldn't be Yoo fucking Kihyun. The only problem is, he doesn’t seem to have gotten the message.

Your partner in crime for the evening, Kellee, notices immediately, snapping dramatically in your face. 'No.’

You raise your brows innocently. ‘What?’

‘I see who you’re looking at. Just ignore him,' Kellee says over the music. 'He's an ass.'

She tugs on your arm and you reluctantly take your eyes away from his annoyingly angular jaw and perfectly styled hair. She purses her lips at you and folds her arms with a mixture of amusement and annoyance as she dances in her mid-thigh, long-sleeve, black sequinned dress.

‘We’re here to celebrate, remember? Not take a walk down awful memory avenue.’

Right. New Year's Eve. Party at Cherry Blossom. How does he still make me lose track of space and time after all these years?

'I know,' you say, sighing loudly.

Kellee points a finger at you and laughs at the hesitation in your voice. 'Excuse me. We hate him, right?'

'He looks good though.' The cut of his crisp black dress shirt, the expensive Rolex on his wrist, the way his lips twist into a possessive smirk as he meets your eyes. You turn back to Kellee and feel your cheeks heat in embarrassment.

'Shit, he saw me.' You raise your eyes to the ceiling for divine intervention. Of all the nightclubs in all the boroughs in all of New York...

Kellee holds both of your wrists in her hands and forces you to focus on her through the haze of Vodka crans in your blood and the bass so heavy it vibrates along your skin. 'He ditched you the night of senior prom to hook up with Brandi Walters!'

Memories of him in high school flood your mind. The way the air felt like it was sucked out of your lungs when he smiled at you, blushing and asking you out. The tentative press of his mouth against yours for the first time. The enormous and cheesy and perfect poster he made to ask you to be his girlfriend, that’s probably still gathering dust in your closet.

But then...the look on Kellee’s face when she tried to hide the video from you. Brandi’s hands all over Kihyun, when he was supposed to be on his way over to pick you up for prom. Her mouth on his neck. Even college and two more years in between you can still feel how heartbroken you were that night.

You shake your head, disgusted at yourself. 'Jesus Christ, you're right. Who cares about him, anyways? There's plenty of other guys here.'

'Exactly,' Kellee exclaims, smacking you on the butt. 'We've been working so hard on this case I haven't been laid in months, I'm dying.'

While she shakes her ass to a remix of your favorite Majid Jordan song, you scan the room. The guy with the spray tan and the tacky barbed wire bicep tat sitting on the couches? Nah. The hipster with the wire frame glasses and the trying-too-hard plaid shirt? Ugh. Just when you’re about to give up, you see him.

A man with ridiculously hot facial hair and a mischievous look in his eyes leans against the bar on the opposite side from Kihyun. His shirt is a rather disastrous shade of red, but who cares? Something about seeing Kihyun tonight makes your hands sweat. Every brush of your thighs against each other sends a shock of need to your core. You’re not looking for a husband tonight. Anyone but Kihyun will do just fine.

‘Fuck it,’ you say, the sound drowned out by the bass.

On a more civilized night such as oh, literally any other day of the year, you'd be more inclined to flirt and give someone your number. Go on some dates. Let things unfold naturally, easily.

But whatever chaotic and thirsty energy settles upon the city on New Year's Eve each year pushes you to find something more... immediate to relieve your tension. Kellee is right, it's been ages. And you need something more than your trusty vibrator tonight.

You get Kellee’s attention and motion subtly to the guy in the red shirt. She squeals excitedly and waves you on. With a laugh you make your way through the crowd up to the bar. You eye Kihyun surreptitiously as you walk, wishing you didn't know how well he could undo you with just his hands and his mouth.

Prom was supposed to be it, the night you finally slept together after a few months of dating. The night you finally went to home base, or whatever that fucking analogy worked out to be. But then he screwed it up and you never found out if he knew how to use the rest of the, ahem, tools at his arsenal. Pity.

Tonight, you want a face buried in your neck. You want teeth against your skin and hands on your hips, insistent and rough enough to leave a faint purple outline of fingerprints in the morning. Tonight you want to be fucked so hard that the stress of the last few months of law school fall away like a snakeskin. Tonight you want to come so many times your legs shake and you leave scratch marks down someone's back.

Tonight you want to be 'raw and exposed,' a favorite expression of you and Kellee’s. Normally it’s a joke, but tonight you mean it literally. And you want it with anyone but Yoo Kihyun.

Red shirt's eyes follow your legs as you climb the short stairs up to the bar. The satin of your red dress teases the skin of your thighs, clinging to you in the warmth of the bar. The short sleeves and the skirt are loose and flowing but neither red shirt nor Kihyun can ignore the way the neckline cuts low and hugs tight to your ample chest.

He smiles as you pass, expecting you to come to him. But tonight you're a lion dressed as a lamb, a huntress pretending to be prey. Come and get it, you think. You return his friendly grin as you move behind him.

Red shirt catches on quickly. ‘Hey, can I buy you a drink?’

Unfortunately, you agree to the drink before you learn three things that would make you not sleep with him under any circumstance.

First, his cologne is downright awful. Thirteen year old boys swiping samples of Axe body spray from magazines smell better. Second, he proudly and happily tells you he’s drinking O’Douls… because he likes the taste. Third, the only thing he’s interested in talking about tonight is the Lakers/Clippers game on tonight.

After ten minutes you desperately look for Kellee on the floor, hoping she’ll come save you. But she’s happily grinding with a Chad Michael Murray circa 2007 lookalike and you wish her well. You roll your eyes as politely and as covertly as you can when red shirt mentions Lebron’s ‘sick lay-up’ for about the twentieth time and unfortunately you meet Kihyun’s focus.

He grins at you while he talks with the woman behind the bar, raising a brow in question. You can almost hear him asking if you need to be rescued. Infuriated, you turn back to red shirt, ignoring him… almost. Out of the corner of your eye you watch as he runs a finger along the rim of his glass before drawing it into his mouth. Another swipe of his tongue along the plump bottom lip and you can see it gleam from clear across the bar.

You want to whine in frustration and need. Sure, you could excuse yourself. Tell red shirt you need to meet your friend. But, when it comes to Yoo Kihyun, you did always like playing with fire.

With an exaggerated sigh you subtly nod to him. Triumph and heat flare in his eyes as he makes his way over to you. Rolling up his sleeves, he exposes taut forearms and you distantly remember the way they felt pressed against the tender skin of your waist.

Kihyun slides next to you, his arm effortlessly coming around your waist. His hand finds your hip comfortably and rests high enough to be respectful. He bends and presses a kiss to the exposed skin of your shoulder, lips lingering, sending a jolt of awareness down your spine. The scent of his rich cologne wraps around you and you almost sigh with relief.

Red shirt, who you now know is named John, blinks in surprise. 'Who's this?'

Kihyun suppresses a laugh and says against your ear, 'sorry I'm late darling, I can't believe I kept the most beautiful woman in the world waiting.' He holds out his hand to John. 'Thanks for keeping her company for me. I'm Kihyun.'

Guy looks perplexed, but to his credit he shrugs it off fast. 'John. Have a great night, Y/N.'

The moment John turns back to his group of friends Kihyun leans against the bar, smug smile on his infuriatingly handsome face.

You snort and try to walk past him, rolling your eyes. ‘Thanks.’

His arm comes out to block your path. ‘Going so soon, darling?’

‘Ugh, you’re disgusting,’ you say, folding your arms. ‘Did you know that?’

He motions to the bartender and instantly two Vodka crans appear. Kihyun hands you one with a playful smile. ‘I did know that, in fact.’ He takes a large sip of his. ‘But despite that, you did still let me help you.’

You hold the drink as though it’s a grenade, liable to go off at any second. ‘I was desperate. If I had to listen to another three seconds of audio commentary of a goddamn basketball game I was going to run out of here screaming. Don’t flatter yourself.’

He eyes you from the tips of your heels to the top of your hair. ‘I’d so much rather you flatter me.’

A feeling almost like anger, but with far too much arousal fills your veins and you almost snarl at him. ‘What makes you think I’d want anything to do with you?’

Kihyun raises his hands in surrender and stands, facing you. He clinks his glass to yours and downs the rest of the liquid in one swallow. ‘I know you don’t want anything to do with me anymore. You made that very clear at Senior prom.’

Your mouth drops open. ‘Wow. Bold of you to bring that up, after what you did.’

‘What I did?’ His brows furrow. ‘After you ditched me, you mean? I have to say the hostile and condescending tone is what I expected given how you ignored me after that night. But I hoped you’d grown out of it.’

‘After I ditched you?’ You step closer, narrowing your eyes at him. ‘I saw the video of you and Brandi. Why would I wait around like a fool after that?’

He grits his teeth. ‘Is that what you think happened? Brandi was my friend Jay’s date and she was so drunk from the pre-gaming that she couldn’t even walk on her own. I was helping to get her into my car so we could take her to the clinic. Is that what you saw?’

‘I-’ you start. ‘Even if I believe you, which I don’t, how do I know you’re telling the truth?’

Kihyun runs a frustrated hand through his hair. ‘You could ask the nurse at the clinic. Or the dozens of people at prom who saw me show up just after ten, wondering why my girlfriend hasn’t answered any of my dozen texts or calls.’

You worry your lip between your teeth. ‘Kellee took my phone. She didn’t want me to get hurt any worse.’

He sighs and laughs to himself. ‘Well, that would explain quite a lot.’

Suddenly, you want to reach for him. To force him to look into your eyes and tell you the past six years were just a dream. ‘So you really didn’t cheat on me?’

The warmth and surprise in his brown eyes almost undoes you. ‘No, I didn’t. And I guess you didn’t ditch me either.’ You shake your head. ‘Huh.’

You pick up the drink and take a big sip. ‘Huh, indeed.’

Kihyun does the same, a smile playing on his lips. The alcohol and the music and the sweat running down your spine from the heat of the room and the goddamn way Kihyun is watching you over the rim of his glass - it’s all going to your head and you reach a hand for his arm to ground yourself.

‘Come home with me.’ He steps closer, hands finding your waist. ‘I believe we have some unfinished business.’

You make a noise of disbelief. ‘You don’t know anything about me, Kihyun. Not anymore.’

His lips find the spot where your neck meets your shoulder. ‘I want to know everything.’

His hands draw slowly down your side, moving around your lower back. ‘I want to hear all about your job or school, however you fill your days. I want to know where you’re living now, and about your friends, and if you have any adorable pets.’

He eases your back against the bar, pressing himself into all of your curves. ‘I want to know how you like your coffee in the morning.’

Kihyun pulls back, breathless, his eyes turning black in the low lighting. ‘But right now, more than anything, I want to know how it feels to be inside you.’ You gasp and he traces his lips along the shell of your ear. ‘And what it feels like when you come around me.’

You nod, groaning as he pulls your ear lobe between his teeth. All you can manage is a needy, ‘please.’

He grins, pulling you through the dance floor. ‘You tell your friend you’re leaving, I’ll get the car.’

Before you can say anything he pauses on the stairs and kisses you fully on the mouth. In your surprise you can only hold onto his shoulders to try and steady yourself. It’s only a preview of what’s to come but already the hot slide of his lips against yours, the insistent tugging his teeth do as they nip your full lower lip, makes you feel desperate to have him inside you.

He pulls back and laughs. At least he has the decency to look just as flustered as you feel. ‘Sorry, I - it’s been so long. I missed that.’

You shake your head at him as he heads off to a side door. ‘Wait! Don’t we need to pay?’

Kihyun winks. ‘I own the bar!’ he calls above the music before disappearing out into the night.

Amused, you tilt your head back and laugh. Of course he does.

Excitement thrums in your veins as you find Kellee and give her the shortest possible version of the story. She watches you carefully and makes you promise to text at least twice tonight so she knows your safe. After many reassurances and a dash to coat check, you emerge out the front. Fear tells you he’s left you again and this is all just a stupid prank.

But no. He rolls down the window of his Porche and tilts his head. ‘Get in.’

The seats are plush and match your dress coincidentally. He turns on the radio, more from a desire to distract from the obvious erection he's sporting than for any particular urge to listen to jazz.

For the first minute of the drive you focus on slowing your breathing, savoring the unexpected catharsis that being with him tonight is bringing you. An old wound in your chest undone, emotion bleeds out onto your skin in a healing wave. It surrounds you like steam in a sauna, the way you want him feels palpable on your lips and hands and at the meeting of your thighs.

Once you accept this new reality you look at him, wondering how far to push him. If this Kihyun is as romantic and sweet as the one you knew in high school, or if this new version has a bit of bite. He holds his jaw tight, the muscles in his neck working to concentrate on the road. Unable to resist you slowly reach your hand across the gearshift and rest it on his thigh.

He meets your gaze for a beat and something shimmers within - a heat and need that match your own. As the sultry music plays you lean across the seat and rest your chin on his shoulder. Slowly, so slowly he groans, you drag your hand up towards his obvious need. With featherlight touches you kiss his neck above his collar.

When you reach his hard cock, settling over the length covered by the fabric of his pants, you bite down on his earlobe. The car jerks to a stop and you look out the windshield, terrified you've somehow made him crash with your tentative efforts at seduction. Thankfully, it appears you've arrived at his house. The townhome is modern, two-stories, and instantly you wonder what the bedroom is like.

'We should get inside,' he says darkly. 'If I touch you here, we won't leave until I'm inside you.'

With a laugh, you nod. 'That's probably a good idea.'

For a long moment you stare at each other. Taking in the flush in his cheeks, the way the heat of his skin kept some of the red of your lipstick as a souvenir. No doubt he can read the arousal in your blood. The way the strap of your dress is sliding off your shoulder, begging to be removed.

He looks like he's about to risk it and kiss you, but at the last moment he grunts and opens his car door. A beat later and he opens yours, holding his hand out to you. Once, this was so natural. Being with him, trusting him, your palms and lips and hearts never far from each other. As he guides you inside you wonder about the distance from that time to now. If this is just one good fuck between exes or if he expects there to be more; if you do.

In his exuberance he accidentally slams the door open, the sound too hard against the wall behind it. He seems frustrated by the sheer distance and pulls you into his arms before shutting the door with one hand and leaning you against it. Breathless, you cling to his shoulders, wondering if he means to swallow you whole, unmaking you as the tide does to the sand.

He notices your hesitation and brings a hand to cup your face. 'Hey, what is it?' His breath ghosts across your cheek at his whispered soft words.

'It's stupid, but -'

'Tell me,' he asks and smiles softly.

'It's been so long, Kihyun. I'm just nervous it won't be like we're hoping. I don't even know what you want. Do you just want tonight or-'

He closes this distance and presses a chaste kiss to your lips. 'I want you tonight. I want you for a long time. It's always been you, you know. I've tried to date other people but... I just want you.'

'Really?'

His hands pull at your waist, moulding your body closer against his. 'Yes, really. I can't guarantee the first time will be perfect,' he says, his lips ghosting along yours. 'I want it to be. I want you to laugh and smile and sigh and moan just as I dreamed you would. I want to hold you after and fall asleep with your heart beating against mine and your leg wrapped around my waist.'

You giggle and kiss him back. He's been many things in the time you've known him, but he's never been a liar. 'Okay.'

Kihyun grins against your lips and bends, lifting you into his arms. Your dress slides up, exposing you to his eager hands. 'Just okay?'

You squeal and hold onto his shoulders to stay upright. 'Better than okay.'

'Good,' he answers. ‘If at any point you want me to stop, just say the word.’

He does his best to walk upstairs with you in his arms and his mouth on your neck. His erection strains against your thigh, making him groan. You absolutely make it worse by tugging on his hair and moaning at his tongue on the sensitive nerves where your shoulder meets your neck.

With his hands full he manages to find the bed, tripping and dropping you onto the plush comforter. He falls after you, laughing, landing in a tangle of arms and limbs.

Righting himself he grins, running a hand through his hair. 'Stay right there, I have something I think might help.'

You kick off your heels and use your elbows to move you further onto the bed, watching with curiosity as he impatiently strips off his jacket and shirt. 'Hey, no fair. I wanted to do that,' you pout.

He gives you a dangerous smirk before he starts digging in his closet. Triumphant, he pulls out a black tie. ‘Would this help?’

Your jaw drops open. 'You want to tie me up? Blindfold me? So you want me to trust you by not letting me move or see anything?' You raise a brow at him.

Kihyun laughs and removes his shoes and socks. He climbs onto the bed, scooting so his back rests against the headboard, his legs spread out in front of him. His chest moves as he breathes, as though he's been running. 'No. I want you to use it on me.'

Something warm and bright flashes in your chest. 'Oh!'

His eyes go wide. 'You don't have to! I mean... I just thought-'

Desire makes you clench your thighs together. Excitement and curiosity make you crawl across the bed to him. 'No, I want to. It's perfect,' you smile, straddling him.

He smiles and sets it beside him on the bed. 'I have one thing I want to see first.' His hands toy with the edges of your dress.

When you nod he lifts the fabric over your head. Before it hits the ground the heat of his palms warms your hips. He strokes over the sensitive skin of your side and you moan, dropping your forehead to his shoulder.

Kihyun eases your bra off you so gently you sigh. 'God, you're so beautiful. I missed this.' He kisses along your shoulder and down your arm, holding up your hand so he can kiss your palm. 'I missed you.'

'I missed you too.' You stay like that for a minute before the hard feel of him pressing against your core demands attention. 'Now please make love to me before I lose my mind.'

He thows his head back and laughs. In quick succession he undoes the zipper of his pants and slides them off, holding you up with his hips and a hand around your waist. 'Your wish is my command.' He gives you a wink before grabbing the tie and securing it around his head.

His chest rises and falls as he breathes, waiting to see what you’ll do, hands obediently resting on your thighs. You wave a hand in front of his face. He doesn’t move. With a grin you run a finger down his chest and he shivers. You back up and take off your underwear, throwing it to the floor. He whines and his hands reach for you, already demanding to touch you again.

When you straddle him again, he sucks in a sharp inhale of breath. He peeks out from under the tie with one finger. ‘I’m in your control tonight,' he says warmly. 'You set the pace.'

Quickly, he fumbles in his nightstand and retrieves a condom, handing it to you as though it were a precious package. 'I trust you.’

You purse your lips at him, trying not to laugh, and he settles the blindfold back over his eyes. Despite how wet you are, and how desperate you are to sit yourself on his cock, you resolve not to take him inside you until he begs for it. You ease the fabric over his erection and take him in your hand.

After tearing the wrapper you roll the condom down his length. Slowly, you begin to stroke him. He grunts and his fingers dig into the flesh of your now naked hips.

With your free hand you slide two fingers across your slit, gathering the moisture there. You add your second hand to the motion of the first, coating him in your wetness and easing your stroke. Kihyun bites his lip, pressing his head back against the headboard. The veins stand out against his throat and you dip your head and run your tongue along one.

‘Fuck, I’m going to come before I even get inside you,’ he groans, high, whining. Good enough.

Thighs pressing against his, holding his wooden headboard with one hand, you guide him to your entrance. Your arousal eases the way as you slide down and in seconds he's filled you to the hilt.

Years ago, when you took him with your mouth and your hands, when his tongue and his agile fingers brought you to your first orgasm, you thought about what it would be like to feel him inside you. None of those fantasies prepared you for the taste of his mouth on yours or the way your bodies line up perfectly as he stretches you just enough to burn around his girth.

You can't swallow the moan that leaves you as he rocks his hips into yours and everything gets so much better. 'Hey, you're not supposed to be helping.'

He pulls you onto him more fully and it feels so good you squeeze your eyes together. 'Was that a rule?'

Kihyun repeats the motion, angling you so every thrust brings delicious friction to your clit. With a shuddering breath you clutch at his headboard for balance. 'I'll allow it,' you moan, holding the back of his neck as you match his motion with your own.

His thumbs dig into your sensitive skin hard enough to leave marks in the morning, his fingers grasping the flesh of your ass. You’re beyond caring about anything but this moment. His face is buried in your hair, his raspy, animalistic groans coming from him make you squeeze around him.

'Fuck,' he groans, doubling his pace and making you feel like you're about to explode from the heat and slide of him inside you.

'Come with me,' is all you can get out amongst the stream of gasps and sighs you can't contain.

He nods, his teeth playing with the tendons in your neck just sharp enough to send shockwaves of sharp pleasure to your already sensitive core. One of his hands leaves your waist and you feel his thumb swirl circles around your clit. Your orgasm bursts forth like a river freed from a dam and you cling to him and he rides out your release as well as his own.

When your breathing returns to normal you lift your arms, thick with pleasure and the best kind of exhaustion, and remove the blindfold. He looks as relaxed as you feel and he brushes your hair behind your ears.

'And the verdict is?'

‘I can’t believe we could have been doing that for the past few years, fuck,' you laugh.

He strokes his thumb across your lip. ‘I hope we can do that uhhh, quite often in the future. After you tell me all about your life right now.’

‘Deal,’ you say, pulling his face back to yours to kiss him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tagging @yixingminseokjongdae I hope you’re well love!! <3

#kihyun x reader #kihyun fanfic #kihyun smut #kihyun AU #monsta x smut #monsta x x reader #monsta x fanfic #monsta x AU #yoo kihyun

420 notes · View notes

liaincursives · 4 years

Text

Pictures to keep in the pocket of our jacket

ONE/TWO/THREE/FOUR

TWO: JUST LIKE HOME

Jens could have screamed. He was nervous, no, probably even more than nervous. Him, the one who was never brittle about anything, was now sitting in a train to the Netherlands, resting his head on a window, tapping onto his knee with his sweaty fingers, listening to the same song on repeat for probably twenty minutes now, trying to calm himself down. The world was flying by, raindrops splashing against the window and racing down the glass, making the colours on the outside a whole blurry mess.

He knew exactly why he was feeling like this, actually, he was blaming a dutch boy with light brown curls for making him go crazy right now. It had been three months since they talked that morning on the beach. Jens was still impressed by his past self, sitting down next to that guy he had been staring at for the whole week. The day before that morning, one of the two other guys Lucas had been at the seaside with had asked them to join them for a soccer match. He had heard the boy talking, making jokes with his friends and caught him staring back a few times, giving him hope. That hope had been the last thing helping to push Jens out of his comfort zone, walking up the dune that morning.

He still couldn’t wrap his mind about Lucas. Jens knew that he liked boys, it was something he had always known, but he never really bothered telling someone about it. It was him, but it wasn’t some personality trait, it was just that he liked boys and he had promised him that if, someday, there would be a boy that mad his heart beat higher, he would accept that, be proud and show that he was comfortable about being with a boy. Lucas seemed to be that guy, with deep cerulean eyes that he could have stared in for an eternity, his curly hair Jens wanted to bury his hands in and the smile Jens felt addicted to since every time Lucas smiled, his heart rate went up, making him crazy for that boy.

Now he was on his way to Utrecht, to meet the boy he was was obsessed with for the first time in three months. And he was nervous. Since that morning, they hadn’t been alone together anymore. They had gone surfing and clubbing with their friends. He had got to know Jayden and Kes and luckily, the boys were getting along with each other very well. The rest of the week had went by way to quick and him and Lucas couldn’t even say good bye to each other. Since then, they had been texting constantly, face timing a few times. Jens had learned many things about Lucas, talking to him just felt like he had been doing it his whole life. He had fallen for him, Jens knew that and he also knew that Lucas was feeling the same way, but thinking about seeing him again made him nervous, more than he wanted to be. Jens had been on dates before, this shouldn’t be something he was afraid of, he should handle the situation chilled, because that’s how things normally worked for him, chilled, not worrying about it.

His mind was racing, afraid that he would screw up the last three months of talking to Lucas in a few hours, that Lucas would have found someone else or wan’t interested in seeing him anymore and had just asked him to come to Utrecht to make an end to all of this. It felt like his heart was stopping for a second or two when the train started slowing down. He was there. In Utrecht. All of the distance between them was gone, Lucas was probably less than two hundred meters away. The train stopped and Jens took a deep breath, not wanted to freak out about it. He wiped his hands dry on his pants and grabbed his backpack, waiting to get out of the train. His stomach was twisting, afraid that things wouldn’t go well and for a second, Jens didn’t want to get out of the train.

He took a deep breath, trying to get rid of the feeling in his stomach and stepped on the platform. The train station was smaller than the one in Antwerp, but it was at least as busy, people rushing from one side to the other, every knowing where to go and what to do. Jens was looking for Lucas, trying to find the one familiar thing in all of this, escaping out of the way of rushed passengers.

The train station cleared up faster than he would had expected and with in a few minutes, Jens was standing in the middle of then platform, feeling a bit lost. He saw that someone had texted him and hoping it was Lucas, he checked the notification, as he heard someone coughing right next to him. “If you are going to be on your phone the whole time, you won’t be able to see everything I wanted to show you. That would be a) a waste of time and b) extremely disappointing,” the familiar voice made him flinch. There he was. Next to him, looking right into his eyes.

Jens needed a moment, staring at Lucas. His hair was a bit longer, the curls falling into his eyes. His eyes. Jens could have drowned in the deep sapphire colour of them, glaring at him forever. Lucas cleared his throat, letting Jens come back into the moment. “Are you going to stand there forever Belgium?” “What a creative nickname,” the space between them made him go wild. He had waited three months for this moment and now, they weren’t even one meter apart from each other. A quiet “Fuck I missed you,” left Jens’ mouth as Lucas took a step closer to him, wrapping him into a hug. “We literally talked everyday,” Jens melted away. Lucas was smaller than him, but still, this hug had something protective, letting the disquiet inside of Jens leave. “It’s not the same. I missed seeing you, being with you” he had wished for this for so long. For being with Lucas, not just only texting him how much he missed him, not just seeing him through the little screen of his phone, not just hearing his voice distorted by the speakers of his laptop.

“I missed you too though,” Lucas detached himself from Jens and threw a gaze of expectation to him. “Come on, we have much to do today,” Jens wanted to make himself believe that he wasn’t disappointed that the welcome had just been a hug, but as he was following Lucas out of the station, he wished he had taken the first opportunity and just kissed the dutch boy when he first saw him. He was longing for that, finally making it more or less obvious that he wanted to be with Lucas, he wanted to be able to call him his boyfriend. He wanted that for three months now. “What are we doing?” Lucas’ eyes are shimmering as he looks at Jens. “First of all, we are going to take your stuff to my house and after that, you will have to be patient,” “Oh come on Luc, why don’t you just tell me?” “Wouldn’t be that much fun.”

The rain was pouring heavier than Jens would have expected it to, but somehow, they manage to get to Lucas place without getting dripping wet. Lucas unlocked the door and pulled Jens into the house, peeling himself out of the wet raincoat. “Do you want anything? A tea or something? Not that you get a cold from being here,” Jens shook his head and followed Lucas up the stairs. “The rain’s supposed to be gone by one, but we will have to wait until then to get out of here, I mean, if that’s okay for you.” “I am here to spend time with you, I do not really care what we do as long as we are together,” Lucas blushed, which made Jens smile, making his heart beat faster.

Lucas leaned against a door, opening it and letting him step into his room. It wasn’t big, just enough space to not make it looking stuffed. Posters of bands Jens remembered Lucas mentioning in their conversations were hanging on one wall, a few unfinished drawings were laying on the desk and next to the window, the whole wall was plastered with pictures. Snapshots of Lucas and his friends, flowers, random places, art. Jens couldn’t help himself but stare at the photographies, they had something intimate, something that was making him feel like he was looking right into the soul of the smaller boy.

“Those pictures, they are really awesome,” Jens pointed at them and Lucas was blushing once more. “You think so?” “I wouldn’t tell you if I wouldn’t mean it,” “It’s a thing I do,” Lucas sat down on his bed and tapped own the blanket, “Taking pictures in moments I don’t want let go of, it’s actually pretty stupid, but it makes me feel like I can go back to those moments if I take pictures of them, you know, when I’m unhappy or things don’t make sense to me anymore. It reminds me of why I am doing all of this, even is I feel like there’s no reason to do it,” Lucas was staring into emptiness while he said that and Jens knew exactly what the dutch boy meant. “That’s not stupid at all. I love them,” “You do?” Lucas seemed to be surprised, looking at him out of big eyes. “I feel like I do the same thing, but with music. Like I have songs for everything, for however I feel.”

Lucas nodded and a comforting silence started filling the room. They were just sitting there, staring at each other. The rain passed by and Lucas was now standing in front of the house, looking at Jens. “Where are we going?” “Trust me on this Belgium,” Lucas was smiling at him and Jens was thinking about something to say against it, but he couldn’t say anything at the puppy eyes Lucas was giving him. “Okay, surprise me.”

Lucas led him to a park on the other side of the city. Everyone seemed to be busy with themselves as Lucas pulled Jens to an empty skate ramp, smiling at him. “A park. What’s the exciting thing about it?” Lucas looked at him and Jens tried to read his facial expression. “Okay, I know that it’s weird, but hear me out,” Lucas’ lips were were moving and Jens couldn’t help himself and gaze at them, desperate to finally get a kiss from the smaller dutch boy, “It is one of the places we are always hanging out and since you are a part of my life too, I thought I’d show you the places that mean something to me, I know it’s dumb but you mean something to me too and…” Jens couldn’t help himself anymore.

“Okay, can I kiss you now?” Jens whispered, trying not to interrupt Lucas in his monologue. “What?” Lucas seemed to be thrown out of his thoughts, moving closer to him.”What did you say?” Jens could feel himself blush. “Nothing, forget about it,” “Are you sure? Because if I heard it right, my answer would definitely be yes,”

Jens’ heart jumped and he decided to go all in, leaning forward and closing up. The space between him and the dutch boy and all in him just exploded. Lucas hands buried themselves in his hair and Jens pulled Lucas closer to him. He had waited for this for three months, since he had seen Lucas, and now it got real and Jens wanted to stay on the ramp forever, kissing and hugging Lucas, being with him made him feel fulfilled, like they were meant to be.

#vds week #van der stoffels #vds #lucas van der heijden #jens stoffels #wtfock #skam nl

57 notes · View notes

simkjrs · 4 years

Text

fic: see you in the dark

chapter i: a troublePSIme development

saiki kusuo no psi nan x worm web serial | saiki kusuo & taylor hebert | 3k

----

Psychic power. For instance… hearing other people’s thoughts, or seeing what’s on the other side of a wall, or even manipulating objects through power of will alone. A power to do what normal people can’t. That’s what I have.

My name is Saiki Kusuo, and I am an esper.

Q: Are you a chuunibyou?

A: No.

I’ve lived with this power my whole life. Some of you might be thinking, “How lucky! With that kind of power, you could do anything you want!” Wrong! Do you know how annoying it is to always be hearing people’s thoughts, or constantly seeing through skin and muscle until everyone simply looks like walking sacks of bones? Not to mention each power comes with its own downsides too. Read the manga if you want to learn more. In any case, having psychic power has done nothing but inconvenience me since the moment of my birth, and is barely any help in my pursuit of my dream to live a completely ordinary life.

That said, thanks to my psychic powers, nothing bad has ever really happened to me, so I don’t really have anything to complain about.

Well, there is one thing.

“Saiki. How did your part of the project go last night?”

As I haven’t brainwashed the people of this world into ignoring me speaking directly to their minds with telepathy, I can only respond through physical gesture or by speaking with my actual voice. I don’t particularly care to do the latter, so I simply nod in greeting.

Here, Hebert. Take this packet of papers with all my work so you can look over it and calm down your paranoia about me ruining your grades, and so I don’t have to speak.

As you may have guessed, the one speaking to me is named Hebert. Taylor Hebert, to be exact. Since this is a story and not a manga or anime, I’ll describe her for you. She’s tall for her age, thin, and has long, curly black hair. As for her facial features… She probably has a wide mouth, but I wouldn’t know, since my X-ray vision is always on and looking at anyone for longer than a second means I start seeing through their skin down to their muscle and bone. Thanks to that I’ve never bothered to memorize people’s faces very closely. I can identify them by their thoughts anyways.

So why are you complaining about Hebert? you might be asking. Is she a bad school partner? Does she smell bad? Does she have a romantic inclination for you that you can’t maneuver your way out of no matter how hard you try, like a certain blue-haired perfect pretty girl loved by God?

None of the above. There’s nothing wrong with Hebert herself. She’s capable, diligent, and introverted, which suits a shy and withdrawn student like me. No, the problem is the trouble that she comes with.

Here they come, right on cue. Hess has walked by and bumped Hebert just a little too hard, almost jostling the papers out of her hands. None of that, now. I’ll help Hebert keep ahold of them with a little telekinesis. I worked hard on those papers, you know. No knocking them down.

“Oops, sorry, we didn’t see you there, Taylor,” says Barnes sweetly. “I guess we just didn’t notice you, what with how plain and ugly your clothes are…”

And there they go, starting up with one insult after another. They’re not even very good insults. Well, carry on a bullying campaign for a year and a half and you’ll eventually run out of material, I suppose. It’s still quite annoying to hear themselves congratulating themselves for a job well done with each insult, though. Like this, with Barnes…

<Hehe. The look on her face. She’s totally self conscious about how she looks, now. I wonder if she’ll go cry in the bathroom later?>

That’s not something you should be proud of, you know. The level of self-congratulation sure is amazing. Actually, what’s more amazing is how shamelessly they bully Hebert right in front of others. I’m right here, you know? Not that I want them to notice me, but it’s the principle of the matter.

I shift in my seat slightly, which successfully draws their attention away from Taylor for a moment.

“Oh, sorry, Saiki,” Barnes says. “Were we interrupting a moment between you two?” Yes, our homework consultation time. “Nah, who am I kidding? No one would ever get together with flat-chest over here.” What’s the big deal about the size of someone’s chest? One mass of fat and muscle is basically the same as another; if there’s a little more or less, who cares. “You’re still working with her on this project? You can do way better than her.”

Is that so? Certainly I could find a partner with better grades if I wanted, but I don’t want good grades. I want ones that are completely ordinarily average. Standing out is the opposite of what I want to do… although, being partnered with Hebert, I’ve already failed step one. What a pain.

“Yeah,” says Clements. “Haven’t you heard how bad her grades are? She never turns in anything on time…” That’s because you steal her things. “And she cheats…” That’s because you frame her after you copy her work. “And when she does turn in original work, the quality is so bad, she might as well drop out and join the Merchants!” That’s because she has to redo her work after you destroy it. Who has the time to redo everything perfectly a second time.

The bullies all seem to think this is very clever though, laughing at Hebert. It’s actually quite incredible that anyone could be this cliche.

Hebert has lowered her head. … It’s only natural to be worn down after months of this treatment, I suppose.

It doesn’t really make a difference if they do it here or in another classroom, Hebert. I can still hear it with my telepathy. This bullying case is even worse than Akechi’s. At least Akechi had acquaintances who would help him in the aftermath. But no one steps up to help Hebert.

“Hey, it’s rude to ignore people when they’re talking to you,” says Barnes.

Ah, that’s right, they’re waiting for a response from me. Why did you have to drag me into this, seriously.

“Well?” says Barnes, putting a hand on her hip. “What do you think?”

Now that it’s come to this, I have no choice but to respond.

What should I do? Talk to her? I’d rather not make my first spoken words in this story to someone like her.

Ignore her?

That’s just trouble. How annoying.

With those two options off the table, you’ve left me no choice but to show you the power of an esper, Barnes. You brought this on yourself.

“Hey, she’s talking to you,” Hess says menacingly, stepping up to me and grabbing me by the collar of my shirt. “Or do you want to end up on the shit list like Hebert, here?”

I narrow my eyes. I see. So you want to pick a fight with me?

Then you better be prepared for the consequences.

Hess flinches for a second, before gripping my shirt harder. “What’s with that look?” she says lowly. <What was that?! Usually he just sits there passively with a blank expression. He doesn’t respond to anything. He’s totally prey! He’s basically air! But for a second there, I could have sworn…>

“Don’t bother with him,” Clements says disdainfully. “I mean, if he doesn’t want to talk, he’s pretty much declared where he stands, right?” She smiles. Next to her, Barnes holds the papers I worked so hard on last night. She makes direct eye contact with me as she rips it into shreds. I have the feeling I’m supposed to be hurt by this action somehow, but this level of harassment is so petty it’s just sad.

<That’ll show you not to mess with me. So hurry up and change your expression already…Hm?>

She follows my gaze to the doorway behind her.

There stands Mr. Prescott, looking at the shredded paper on the desk. That’s right. Behold the revenge of an esper.

“Miss Barnes,” says Mr. Prescott, “Care to explain?”

“Oh, Mr. Prescott!” Barnes says sweetly. “We were just messing around between friends. Sorry, it looks a little compromising, huh?”

Mr. Prescott’s gaze travels to where Hess is still holding my shirt. Hess lets go quickly and straightens up.

“Yes,” Mr. Prescott says slowly. “Well. There’s nothing wrong with having fun with your friends. But be sure not to disrupt class. Everyone be seated, then. The bell is about to ring.”

“Sure thing, Mr. Prescott,” Clements says, and the bullies disperse away from my desk.

<At least they gave me an excuse not to do anything, but honestly, if you’re going to do anything, make sure I won’t see it…> Mr. Prescott, you sure do love that PRT funding, huh. What is with this school. So irresponsible.

<What bad luck. Usually the teacher doesn’t get here for a couple minutes more,> Emma thinks. <What was that timing?>

That would be my doing. Using my telepathy, I nudged Mr. Prescott into deciding to walk over a few minutes earlier than usual. Of course, now he’s thinking about how he’s strictly not entering the classroom until after the bell has rung because he wants to avoid seeing trouble like that again, so it seems it was a one-time use trick, but it’s enough to make everyone back off for now.

<That Saiki, he didn’t even flinch. It’s like he knew Mr. Prescott was coming.> There goes Hess speculating about me again. <Or it could just be his face. He always looks like he just smelt something foul. I don’t think I’ve seen him change expression once. Or heard him talk, for that matter.> A pause. <Wait, is he mute?>

She feels a moment of shame. That’s right. You should feel bad.

<…Typical. How weak. He’s got to be prey after all.>

Wow. What a character.

Hess, for someone who likes to call herself a predator, you’ve sure got bad instincts.

“I’m sorry, Saiki,” Hebert says to me as Mr. Prescott sets up the projector. “It’s my fault your work got ruined.”

<Why’d he have to catch their attention like that, anyways? If he’d just kept his head low, maybe I could’ve gotten through this class’s project...>

Your resentment is saying something totally different. I don’t hold it against her, though, since anyone would gather up resentment after being bullied for so long. It’s only natural to lash out against someone you can actually have an impact on instead of the people whose fault it actually is. At least she’s only doing it in her mind.

<No, what am I thinking? It’s the Trio’s fault. It’s just so frustrating. They’ve already ruined my notebooks this morning.> … It’s a tough life. I’m surprised at how reasonable Hebert is being even in the confines of her own mind, though. It’s okay to sling mud at me a little longer. I can take it. I’ve heard thoughts like that my whole life. Although, thanks for not blaming me for too long, I suppose. It would have been annoying to work with you while constantly hearing how upset you are with me. <And now Saiki’s going to stop working with me, because he won’t want to be dragged into this. I’m alone again.>

Hahhh, seriously, what a pain. I haven’t even responded yet, you know?

I shrug at Hebert, and then I reach into my bag for a spare sheaf of papers. With a bit of thoughtography, I copy the research I did last night onto the papers and pull them out.

Hebert’s eyes widen when I put it in front of her. “You brought a second copy.” The amount of relief she feels is a bit depressing. The suspicion that immediately follows, even more so. “Why?”

I slide my eyes to look at Barnes across the room, curl my lips into a slight sneer, and then turn my eyes back to the front, going back to my usual blank expression.

<Emma? Wait, so he made preparations in case the Trio did anything?> Sure, let’s go with that. <Then… Well. Of course he’s noticed the bullying by now. But if he knew what was going on, why didn’t he do anything earlier? Why now?>

Sorry, Hebert. I’m not really a nice person. I don’t take action unless it directly affects me. You’ve gotten quite the selfish partner.

<But at the same time… I guess if I was in his position, I wouldn’t be able to do anything about them, either. He’s only just transferred into the school, and I don’t think he has any friends.> Don’t say that with such a pitying tone. I don’t want any friends here. <How would he even stand up to the Trio’s social circle? But he still stuck with me as a partner even though he knew. He made backup copies so we’d still be able to complete the project…>

Hebert lowers her head at her desk.

<And for a second there, I thought he really was going to fight Hess, too.> She noticed too, huh. Well, hopefully she’ll write it off as easily as they did. <That basically makes him the only person here to show me any kind of support, doesn’t it?> Just my luck. Of course she didn’t. <Maybe if someone like him had arrived here just a few months earlier, the locker incident wouldn’t have...>

Hebert, your life is seriously depressing. I haven’t done anything for you. It’s just a copy of my work, stop reading so much into it.

Seriously, it wasn’t for you. They were just getting me involved. It annoys me when someone thinks they can get the better of me.

“…Thanks.”

I said it wasn’t for you.

Whatever. I give her a curt nod and then go back to ignoring her. This is an important class to pay attention to, after all.

“Good morning, class. Welcome back to our Parahuman Studies unit. As a reminder, your research project is due this Friday…”

Hebert, I’m trying to concentrate here.

<Well, it is an elective class, so maybe he’s just interested in the topic. The research he did looked really thorough and well-cited, too. I wonder how knowledgeable he is? Maybe I’ll ask after class.> Please don’t. I’m a sensitive soul. If too many people try to engage me in social interaction in one day I’ll wither away and die. <Who knows, maybe he even knows something that could help me with my debut.>

Oh boy.

<Yeah. I can’t put off debuting any longer. I’ve had these powers for long enough, it’s time I stop delaying and start doing something meaningful.>

This is the other troublesome thing with Hebert.

What? you might be saying. Isn’t it cool that she has powers? Look you can be friends, and you’re not alone anymore.

First of all, I’m not interested in being anyone’s friend. There’s nothing wrong with being alone. But no, the real problem is that she’s not like me at all.

<Shard:Queen_Administrator:<PROCESS_INPUT>>

There’s a parasitic alien shard attached to her brain, and it’s the thing that gives her powers. On top of that, she controls bugs.

It’s not that I’m afraid of bugs. They’re not particularly disgusting, either. Not much more than seeing people’s muscular structure every day, anyways. What really bothers me about them is that they’re so small I can’t read their minds or predict them. Birds, mammals, even fish? Sure. Bugs, though? Nothing. It’s way too creepy.

I nearly refused to be her partner when I realized what she could do, but it turns out that by listening to this “Queen Administrator” shard, I can predict what nearby bugs are going to do and when. So it’s better to be next to her than not… even though it comes with the downside of knowing where every single bug in a two block radius is.

And there are so. Many. Bugs. Just my luck. I’ll never be able to relax again.

I’m getting sidetracked. The point is: I’m different from her. I’m different from every parahuman on this Earth, in fact. Of all the superpowered people on this planet, there is still not a single one like me.

I’m sure that you, as a savvy reader, have noticed my phrasing by now. This Earth? you may be asking. Yes. This Earth, as one among many. This dimension is a different dimension from my own.

That’s the biggest thing to complain about, really. I’ve accidentally hopped dimensions, and I don’t have a clue how to get back home.

——

How did I get here? you might ask. Well, it’s a simple answer, really. For all of you manga readers, you may recall that in chapter 206 my limiter device malfunctioned and resulted in me acquiring a wide variety of inconvenient and useless powers. One of those powers? Dimension hopping.

But that’s not useless at all! you might be crying. Imagine the possibilities! The riches you could acquire! The fame you could accrue! The technological development you could facilitate!

With my powers I could make money in hundreds of different ways, easily. I don’t need dimension hopping for that. And why would I get myself money anyways, when I can just acquire what I want directly with my powers?

That’s why I don’t bother with riches, and fame is just annoying because of all the attention. And I wouldn’t want to help facilitate technological development. That would require me to reveal my abilities in some capacity, and you should have realized by now that I would much prefer my privacy.

In any case, I accidentally dimension hopped here. I managed to use one of the other “useless powers” to fix my limiter device so my psychic powers worked properly again, but now I can’t figure out how to get home. I don’t know how to break my limiter in the right way to get the dimension hopping power back, and I don’t want to risk it either, since my powers without the limiter device are uncontrollably strong and I might end up irrevocably changing this world if I’m not careful.

Oh well. Kuusuke will probably find where I’ve ended up, eventually. The best thing to do is stay in one place until then.

——

After a long and harrowing day at school blending into the background, I’ve finally arrived home.

“Home.” In reality, it’s just an abandoned house that I fixed up with my psychic powers. No one knows I’m here. Well, that’s fine with me, though.

Finishing all my homework is easy, so I take care of that first. Then I read some books. Then it’s around dinnertime. That’s a simple matter of taking some plants I gathered and deer meat I hunted from a forest on the other continent the other day, and stored in my “refrigerator” of ice I made from my cryokinesis. Then cook everything with pyrokinesis in an iron pot I bought with some money I got from cheating the lottery with my clairvoyance and X-ray powers.

It’s quiet without my noisy and troublesome family around… Well, I’m always complaining about them, so I don’t have the right to complain about not having them here.

There’s really not much to do. Maybe I should get myself a computer so I can go look around that PHO forum that Hebert is always thinking about.

Speaking of Hebert, didn’t she say she was going to debut tonight? I guess I’ll check in on her. It would be annoying if my project partner got herself killed on her first night out, after all. Let’s see…

Crossing my eyes, I activate my clairvoyance. Where is she… Aha, there.

“--shoot the kids.”

<What? He’s going to murder children?! I know that’s Lung I’m going up against, but I can’t just sit here and do nothing…!>

<Shard:Queen_Administrator:<COMMAND>>

Wait wait wait. Lung? As in the leader of that one gang, the parahuman who no one wants to take on?

Good grief. Hebert, you sure have a talent for getting into trouble. I’m trying to keep this story strictly comedy, or failing that, at least something that’s not dark. You just had to go and change the genre, didn’t you. What am I supposed to do here?

So much for a quiet, peaceful night.

#saiki kusuo no psi nan #worm web serial #crossover #simk writes #see you in the dark

65 notes · View notes

horansqueen · 4 years

Text

AM Conversations : chapter 53

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44 || CHAPTER 45 || CHAPTER 46 || CHAPTER 47 || CHAPTER 48 || CHAPTER 49 || CHAPTER 50 || CHAPTER 51 || CHAPTER 52

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- note for this chapter: im sorry.

one request and probably the last one for this story. ill try to fit the others in the sequel!

Chapter 53 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

The honk of Louis' car took me out of my thoughts and I quickly put my vans on and rushed outside. I saw him send me an exaggerated smile as he kept honking until I was sitting next to him on the passenger's side and I quickly put my hand over his on the wheel.

"Oh my god, you're so annoying!" I joked with a laugh, making him frown as his lips parted.

"Look who's talking!" he added, making me laugh even more.

I rolled my eyes and put my seat belt on right before he got back on the road. We remained silent for a few minutes but Louis finally glanced at me before looking in front of him again.

"Where's Niall today?" he asked cautiously, making me shrug. "He seems busy these days."

I glanced by the window and sighed, closing my eyes and licking my lips. Of course I missed Niall but I knew he was busy and it was alright. I didn't want to become the kind of girlfriend that needed to spend 24/7 with her boyfriend. I've never been like that when we were just friends and although it was obviously different now, I wanted to still remain the same person. I still wanted to be me and not feel like I've changed for him or like I need him to breathe. Of course, it sort of went hand in hand with the part of me that was jealous and insecure but I knew that these flaws made everything so much harder on both of us. Of course, I had reasons to feel like that now but I knew I had two choices : to get over it and not hold grudges, or to get over him and not forgive him. The first option was what I was aiming for.

"Are you two okay now?" Louis added, clearly concerned.

I turned to him and sent him a fond smile, tilting my head. I never thought i'd have so many affinities with Louis but the more I hung out with him, the more I realized how similar we were about pretty much everything. When Niall and I were only friends, I never really took the time to get to know him. He was with Eleanor and to me, they came as a pair. Now, I was seeing a part of him that I didn't notice back then and it made me see how incredible of a human being he was. I pushed my hair over my shoulder and shrugged.

"We're better."

"Did you forgive him?"

I chuckled and looked down. I hated how he could read me so easily sometimes but also, it was comforting. I was not the type to confide much, so having someone who already knew seemed convenient.

"Not yet, but i'm working on it." I confessed in a low tone. "It's not really what he did that I can't forgive, i'm just mad that it makes me even more insecure and scared."

"With reason!" Louis argued, talking a bit louder. "He didn't cheat on you and I know he never would, but that went over the limit. I mean I don't get it. How can he take care of you, and love you, and do things for you... and then the very same night, he goes and flirts with some random chick he met at a bar. That makes no sense!"

"It makes total sense." I admitted low, looking down at my hands as I played with my fingers. "He was already taking care of me when we were just friends. He did things for me, he loved me... it's all stuff he's used to. But not being faithful to me. He never had to stop himself from shagging other girls before. He never had to do that before because we were just friends."

We both went silent and after a while, I felt Louis' hand reach for mine on my lap. He squeezed my fingers hard and I had to swallow to keep my tears in.

"He'll learn." he let out while nodding. "I'll hit him a few times behind the head and he'll learn."

His words made me burst into laughter and I squeezed his hand back, turning to look at him. His lips curled too and this time, we laughed at the same time. My smile fell a bit when he took his hand back to put it on the wheel and I licked my lips, staring down at my hands again.

"I'm just scared he'll stop loving me, and..."

Louis parked the car, undid his seat belt and turned his whole body in my direction, giving me his full attention. Instead to do the same, I kept staring at my fingers, my hands now damp because of stress and I was not even sure why.

"Hey, hey," he started in a whisper, reaching for my hand again. "You can tell me anything."

I knew and I sighed, turning to look at him, my eyes finally meeting his.

"Sometimes I wonder if I really love him as much as I think I do." I let out, making Louis' facial expression turn into surprise. "I've loved him for decades. Is it possible that I just... I don't know, that I just wanted him for so long that I'm just with him because I finally have him?"

Reaching for my other hand, Louis squeezed both of them hard enough to keep my attention on him. He moved his chin down but his eyes opened wider as they never left mine.

"Darlin', listen to me." he said slowly as I bit my bottom lip. "I'm not gonna pretend I know how you feel or what you should do. But loving someone for a long time and very intensely is not a bad thing, and it's not wrong. And just because you've loved someone since forever doesn't mean that it became a banal or insignificant feeling, or that it left. Some couples live together until they die and their love was always real." he took a short pause. "What about you, right here, right now... how do you feel about him?"

"I love him." I immediately answered. "I love him more than anything, more than anyone, and I can't imagine ever loving someone else that way. But i'm hurt, and i'm sad, and i'm scared, and jealous, too. And all these emotions... they're draining me. I'm exhausted."

I heard the 'click' of my seat belt and ended up in Louis' arms quickly when he pulled me into a hug I desperately needed without knowing. I was not even surprised that he squeezed me tight against him and I held him as close as I could, as if he could disappear. I buried my face in his sweatshirt and brushed my nose gently on it, inhaling his scent. It was reassuring and I tried to swallow my tears again when I felt him kiss the top of my head.

"We'll be late." Louis finally said in a very low tone before he hugged me even tighter and finally let go. He looked down at me and raised his eyebrows again, his voice soft. "You're okay?"

I nodded and he sent me a small smile before we both got out of the car. He opened the door for me and we walked inside, following the guy in the back of the shop.

"Who's first?"

I smiled more and moved my hand up slightly.

"Moi, as usual."

"You say that like i'm a fuckin' coward!"

As an answer, I just laughed and sat down, handing the guy my piece of paper and leaning my elbows on my knees.

"Black?"

"Yes, just black."

I closed my eyes for a few seconds as I felt the needles in the skin of my back but finally opened them again to look at Louis who was staring at the drawing I had brought.

"Why get the tattoo of a heart? It's not even well-drawn." he asked with a frown before his face suddenly changed. "Ah. It has something to do with Niall doesn't it?"

I sent him a smile and shrugged a shoulder.

"I've always wanted something that represented our friendship but you know him, he'd never get a tattoo with me." I explained, making Louis chuckle and nod. "So one morning he was late and I asked him to write his nickname on a piece of paper and he was so busy and in a rush he just wrote it without thinking and I got it tattooed on my lower back. It was at the beginning of our relationship, and I thought I could add a heart around it."

"Cheesy." Louis opened his eyes wide and leaned against his chair.

"I know."

"Does he know you got his name tattooed? And in his handwriting too?"

I rolled my eyes and laughed before raising my nose up.

"You think he saw me naked since that day?"

Louis laughed but shook his head.

"A few times I reckon."

It only took a few minutes for the artist to be done and when I felt him wipe the ink off my skin, I turned my head to him and thanked him. Louis got up and went to see the heart around my older 'Nialler' tattoo and nodded slowly. I didn't know if Niall would notice it but we never really discussed the other tattoo and I didn't insist or anything. I knew he had noticed though because sometimes, his fingertips would brush exactly where his name was and somehow, it made me happy.

We switched place and I waited until he got something on his arm too. It was a date but I didn't mention it and after we paid, we just got out of the tattoo shop and I brought my arms around myself. It was already november and despite my sweater, I was still cold.

"Does it have to do with Eleanor?" I just asked, looking up at him. "Your new tattoo."

"Mmhm, date we met."

"Aren't you dating Briana?"

"Dating?" he chuckled, glancing at me and pushing his hands in his pockets. "No!"

I looked up at him and we stopped on both sides of his car, near the front doors. I watched him play with his keys and the sound made me suddenly anxious. I stared at him and it suddenly hit me: something wasn't right. I leaned slightly against the car to get his attention but when I couldn't, I let out a short 'hey' and instinctively, he looked up, his sad eyes meeting mine.

"What's wrong, Louis?" I asked in a soft tone, feeling light tinglings at the bottom of my back due to my tattoo. "You can tell me anything, you know?"

He stared at me a first more seconds and finally sighed through his nose.

"I know Liv, I know."

Without a word, he opened the door and sat in front of the wheel, closing the door a bit roughly. I licked my lips and nibbled on my bottom one for a few seconds before sitting back in the car with him. I didn't insist, there was no need to, as long as he knew I was there and always would be, that's all that mattered.

He drove in silence until we were at the restaurant and when we sat at a table, we started talking like nothing had happened. We didn't talk about Eleanor, Briana, or even Niall. We just laughed at old stories from the tour, talked about family and tried to keep everything light and fun. It felt good not to think about my problems for a few hours but as soon as I was back in front of Niall's house, it all came back to me. I looked at the front door knowing he wasn't home yet, but I couldn't get myself to get out of Louis' car. I had no idea why but I felt like bursting into tears for no fucking reason and when Louis' hand reached for my thigh, I jumped slightly, swallowing a lump in my throat.

"Hey, do you want me to stay?"

I didn't dare turning to him, I just looked at Niall's house, who was supposed to be also mine by now, and shook my head slowly.

"No, I'll be fine." I let out in a low tone. "I'll text you later."

A few more seconds went by as I remained motionless but after a while, I turned to Louis and kissed his cheek, my palm pressed on his face.

"Thanks for today."

"Welcome, princess."

I rolled my eyes with a small smile. "Don't call me that."

He smiled more and I pulled away, tilting my head. I didn't want to leave, I didn't want to be alone, and for a reason I ignored, I didn't feel at ease. I felt nervous and sad even if there was no reason for me to feel like that.

"Love you."

"Love you too." I replied in a low tone before sighing and finally getting out of his car.

He waited until I was inside to leave and I stood by the door for a few minutes, letting my eyes roam on the living room. It was quiet and I just walked to our room to drop my stuff. I sat in bed, feeling weird, and closed my eyes, trying to breathe in and out slowly and deeply. I missed Niall, and it was probably why I felt like shit. Holding on to that thought, I got up and walked to the wall mirror, turning around and twisting my body slightly before moving the bottom of my shirt up. A small smile appeared on my lips when I noticed the heart now drawn around Niall's name and ran my fingers on it. It didn't bleed and was barely swollen and I loved the effect it had. It was a simple heart, not equal at all, that Niall had doodled at the bottom of a note that he had left for me one morning, but it looked nice with his hand-written name. I kept tracing the outline of the heart with the tip of my fingers and I swallowed a lump in my throat before whispering a few words, as if he could hear me.

"I love you so fucking much."

----

I waved at Niall from the couch when he walked in and he sent me a small but awkward smile. He got undressed and changed into comfortable clothes before sitting next to me on the couch. Like a magnet, I cuddled his side and I felt him tense next to me. I tried to ignore it as I leaned my head on his shoulder. He smelled good : a mix of sweat and cologne, and I brought my chin up to reach his jaw with my lips, leaving a soft kiss on it. His stubble scratched slightly my skin and I liked it a lot more than I should have. I reached for his hand and squeezed his fingers but they remained limp in mine and it made me feel a bit more anxious.

I moved away from him and sat better on the couch in a way that I could face him. I waited until he'd look at me but he just got up without sending me a glance and my eyes followed him until he was out of the room.

"Niall?" I asked, realizing I didn't talk louder enough. "Niall!"

Quickly, I rushed to the kitchen but stopped myself near the wall as he opened the fridge and took a beer out. He leaned against the counter and I felt my heart drop in my chest. Fuck I loved him, I loved him so much. I loved him more than I did when I was a kid. I loved him more than I did before we started dating. I loved him more than I did yesterday. I loved him more than I did a minute ago.

"Look, Liv, we need to talk."

I held my breath at his words, realizing I hadn't heard his voice today yet and the first thing I heard was this horrible sentence. I swallowed hard, feeling suddenly nauseous as he reached again in the fridge for an other beer but quickly opened it for me before handing it to me. Reluctantly, I took a few steps closer and grabbed the beer. My fingers brushed against his and I swallowed again but this time, it was tears. I didn't say anything, I just waited, looking at him as he took a few sips from his drink and avoided my eyes but when his gaze finally met mine, I knew it was too late.

"I think we should break up, Olivia." he let out firmly. "At least, for now."

It felt like someone had hit me in the head. I could have sworn having someone literally rip your heart out of your chest didn't hurt as bad as these words in his mouth. I shook my head slightly and slowly as my lips parted. The beer slipped out of my hand and ended on the floor but surprisingly, he didn't even budge or look at it. He kept staring at me and I took a step back.

"No." I whispered with a frown. "Why?"

He pushed himself off the counter and passed his free hand in his hair, making something stir in my stomach. He couldn't do that to me, could he?

"I'm just not ready for a relationship." he explained, raising his shoulders. "I don't want to commit, be official, and everything."

"I'm.. i'm not the first girl you date. You dated Maya before me? And a few other girls?"

Everything he said didn't make sense and my stomach hurt so much I thought I was going to throw up or pass out.

"I didn't love any of them, I knew I wouldn't stay with them." he explained, putting his beer away and taking a few steps closer to me. Without thinking, I backed away and shook my head again. "But what we have is real.. it's deep, I mean, it could last forever."

"That makes no sense." I let out very low with a frown. "What are you talking about?"

He walked up to me and this time, I didn't move. The way he looked down at me made me swallow and melt at the same time. His gaze was soft and when his fingers reached for my cheek, I realized his touch was gentle and I could almost swear he was about to kiss me. He didn't, though. Why would anyone kiss someone they're breaking up with? Why would anyone kiss someone they're deliberately breaking the heart of?

"I've never been in love before and I knew whatever I had with them wouldn't last. But you and me? It's different. We could spend our lives together."

"And we were supposed to." I pointed out, feeling tears run down my cheeks. "But you're ruining it."

He didn't say anything but his face changed and I could see how hurt he was. It was all over his face and I didn't understand why he was in pain for leaving me.

"I'm sorry, Olivia." he added, shaking his head a bit, his eyes never leaving mine. "I know it's selfish but i'm just not ready... i'm not ready to accept this as what i'll go through every day. We fight and we make up and then cuddle on the couch... this is not what I want for me, this is not what I want for us."

"Don't fucking lie, Niall. You're just not ready to accept that you'll only wake up to me every morning, that you won't get to see an other naked girl dress up and leave your room at dawn and that you'd have to call me to tell me you'll stay late at the bar with your friends. It's your freedom you're saving over our love. It's your fucking freedom that you don't want to lose. And clearly you love it more than you love me."

He stayed silent for a while but I could read in his eyes that I was right and that realization hurt more than anything else. It seemed like I couldn't breathe anymore and I closed my eyes to focus on the beatings of my heart as I tried to inhale deeply. I was still alive, right? Because it didn't feel like it at all.

"I love you so much. So fucking much."

His voice seemed to reach my soul and I opened my eyes but suddenly, I was mad at him and I hated him for hurting me, for ruining this love story but also this friendship, for doing what he promised he wouldn't do. He pressed his palm more against my face but I quickly and roughly pushed his arm away.

"Don't you fucking touch me, don't you fucking dare tell me you love me!" I said angrily. "You don't love me! I love you!"

"But I do! Olivia I do love you!"

I chuckled meanly and shook my head, moving past him.

"D'you want to know where you can put that love, Niall?"

His face was still showing pain but at that point, I didn't care.

"Don't say that Liv, please..."

I turned around and shook my head, barely seeing him because of all the tears flooding my eyes. I felt like I was going to drown and I was okay with it. Nothing seemed to matter anymore.

"Oh fuck off, Niall!"

It came out a lot louder than intended and I even surprised myself. I didn't wait for his answer and rushed to our room, feeling something stir inside me at the irony. It wasn't 'our' room anymore and would never be again. I grabbed one of my bags and threw a bunch of stuff in it randomly without really thinking and when I walked back to the living room, Niall quickly turned to me, his eyes softening as they met mine. I felt tears coming to my eyes again but kept them in, swallowing them so hard it actually physically hurt. This whole situation hurt me physically and mentally and there was nothing I could do about it.

I stared at him, trying to engrave this image on my retina forever... the last image of my best friend I was ever going to see. He put his hands in his pockets and glanced down before looking up at me. I thought he was going to say something and I wanted to hear his voice again more than anything. I wanted him to tell me he was joking, or that he had changed his mind. I wanted him to tell me he loved me more than his freedom, more than his comfort, more than anything else in the world. I wanted him to tell me he couldn't live without me. But he didn't.

"I'll pick the rest of my stuff later."

I walked to the door and as soon as my back was facing him, I started crying again, but in silence this time. I was not crying angrily or sobbing anymore. I was crying in a sad, defeated and hopeless way. My hand reached for the doorknob and i heard his voice.

"I love you, Olivia. I always will. You're the love of my life."

I remained motionless for a few seconds and swallowed again. There were so many things I wanted to tell him but no matter what I said, nothing would change his mind, I could feel it. I just opened the door and left without closing it behind myself. Nothing was worth it anymore. I had lost my best friend, my boyfriend, my lover... I had lost everything.

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan writing #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #my fanfics #amc #im super stressed to post this!!!

60 notes · View notes

silentsunplays · 4 years

Text

Hey y’all! First fic being posted! I’m excited to share it, so please let me know what you think. If any hate is posted, I will delete it.

I also posted it on AFO3 here.

Chapter One of Blinding Lights

For as long as Tony Stark can remember, his world has been black and white. He’s colorblind in a form, but it does have a cure. He just has to find his Mate, which seemed easy a long time ago. He’s pretty sure that if it wasn’t for Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy, his clanmates - what’s left anyway - he’d be insane now. After one hundred and forty-eight years of walking this earth, he was already bored. Being born in Italy, spending fifty years there, coming to America, learning that his father created a Super Soldier for the war, said Super Soldier disappeared into the ice for seventy years, the whole drama about his parents dying - killed actually, and let’s not forget becoming Iron Man and being in the Avengers.

“Tony?” Pepper’s voice brings him out of his thoughts. Looking up from his now cold cup of coffee, he raises an eyebrow at his red-headed friend.

“Yes?” He asks, standing up from his couch. The walk over to the kitchen doesn’t take as long, meaning he used some of his speed. Pepper keeps up though, always has.

“We’re needed back in New York. The Avengers have mission meetings, and SI needs our attention out there.” Pepper lists off, staring at her tablet. Tony sighs, running a hand through his hair.

“I really don’t want to go to New York right now.” Tony grumbles.

“I understand that, but you’ve hidden out here long enough,” Pepper states, making Tony roll his eyes.

“Alright. When do I have to leave out?”

“Now.” Pepper comments before turning and leaving. Looking down at his clothes, jeans with oil stains and a black tank top. He was working in his lab earlier. Shrugging, he follows after Pepper, not caring about his appearance. He has clothes at the Tower. He has multiple suits in both places, not counting the suits in the house in Italy.

Happy is on the jet, grinning at Tony when he walks in. That’s new. Happy is normally already in New York when Tony has to be there.

“Okay. I have two out of three. Where’s Rhodey?” Tony questions, crossing his arms. They only seem to get together when they worry about him.

“Right here, Tones,” Rhodey says, spinning his chair around. Tony sighs and takes the last free seat. They wanted to talk about something.

“First, why are you all here? You only pull this shit when you’re worried about me. Second, when did you have time to plan all of this?” Tony asks, leaning back in his seat as the jet doors are closed.

“We’re all here because you’ve been distant lately. Pepper also found a new project for you to focus on. Also, we always have time to plan stuff like this because you never really notice us do this until the day of.” Happy responds. That honestly wasn’t the response Tony was expecting.

“What do you mean a new project?” He says, turning to look at Pepper. She smirks and starts tapping away on her tablet. The holograph of a video pops up, of somebody in an onesie swinging web. The fact that the costume needed an upgrade didn’t really bother him. What bothered him was the fact he could see the red and blue combination, very clear and bright.

“I want to know who they are.” Tony orders, making his family glance at one another.

“You’ve never had that reaction before. Tony, what do you see?” Rhodey asks, leaning forward. Tony mentally debates if he should tell them that he can see the colors on the person. He knows that he and Happy are the only two that can’t see in color. Rhodey has Sam, and Pepper has Natasha.

“I can see the red and blue.” Tony finally admits after a while of silence. Pepper and Rhodey glance at each other before looking at Tony.

“Oh shit.” Happy says.

“What do you mean ‘oh shit’?”

“Tony, the Avengers are going to try to take him away. They like the fact that they have a hold on you.” Pepper says, crossing her ankles.

“They touch what’s mine, and I will kill,” Tony growls, his eyes turning black. Pepper’s eyes turn violet, Rhodey’s eyes turn ice blue, and Happy’s eyes turn fire orange. The clan nods their heads before their eyes turn back to their human color.

“They won’t know who they pissed off.” Rhodey chuckles, leaning back in his seat. Happy rolls his eyes, knowing that this could mean war. Pepper takes the video down, before handing the tablet to Tony. The rest of the ride to New York is in silence.

The first thing Tony does when the jet lands in New York is orders Happy to take him to the compound. Pepper and Rhodey sit in silence as Happy drives. Tony runs multiple facial scans on the masked face. Pulling into the compound, Tony gets out of the car before it's completely stopped. He ignores the shocked looks from the Shield agents that walk around. Nobody knows that he's a Vampire. The King actually, but he doesn't brag about it.

Tony can hear the soft footsteps of his clan behind him. He knows he looks strange, not in his normal suit, he doesn't care about that as he heads up to the meeting room. He flings the doors open, making everyone in the room look at him.

"Tony!" Thor bellows, making Tony bite back a hiss. He honestly hates how loud the God of Thunder can be.

"That was fast," Natasha comments, walking over to Pepper, kissing her cheek.

"We had a mission. We delivered." Rhodey states, wrapping an arm around Sam Wilson.

"I was called. I came. What do you want?" Tony asks, sitting down in a free seat. Fury crosses his arms.

"There is Hydra activity close by. I wanted everyone called in to keep an eye out." The director of Shield states. Anger burns in Tony, but he makes no move to show it. He watches Steve shift in his seat. The Super Soldier his father created, with a serum created from many things, with Tony's own blood as the key. Easy to make something others can't copy when you use something that can't be copied.

"I got called out here, because of Hydra?" Tony deadpans, leaning back in his seat. He can feel his clan tense up through their link. He can feel their mates tense as well. Steve is mixed in too, the blood link there between them.

"As Iron Man, you help protect the country. The world even." Fury responds. Biting back a growl, Tony stands from his seat.

"Fine. I'll keep an eye out. I have another appointment, I'm leaving." Tony says, leaving the room. He can feel his family follow after, the Mates and Steve close behind.

"Tony, are you okay?" Steve asks, making him stop and look. His blood brother, because he's not calling him his son, looks worried. A chuckle leaves his mouth.

"I'm fine, Steve. Just a lot to do." Tony replies. Getting a nod from the blond, Tony continues to the car. He'll finish turning Steve one day, but he'll let his brother live as he does now.

Climbing into the back of the car, Tony unlocks the tablet once more. On the screen sits a new face, one in full color. He found his Mate.

"A smile? That's new." Sam says, sitting by Rhodey. Natasha laughs, her head laying on Pepper's shoulder.

"Found him?" Pepper questions, holding out her hand. Tony slowly passes the tablet over.

"Yeah. Pep, I can see color with him." Tony says, running a hand through his hair.

"Wait. You found your Mate?" Natasha questions, sitting up. At Tony's smile, the car breaks out into cheers.

"Doesn't this mean Shield is going to try to keep a hold on you, though?" Sam questions. Tony nods, a smirk on his face.

"They can try. They won't win, but it'll be entertaining to watch. The Avengers are safe, as long as nobody fights me. My Mate is my priority. Anybody that tries to take him will fail." Tony growls, his eyes shifting to black. Natasha and Sam look down, a sign of respect towards Tony. Tony clears his throat once he knows his eyes are normal, letting them lookup. The rest of the ride to the tower is silent.

When the car finally pulls up to the tower, it’s nightfall. Tony gets out first, heading straight inside to the elevator. He can feel his clan behind him, so he doesn’t slow down. The elevator that leads up to the penthouse opens when he enters the code, his clan stepping in after him. The ride up to the top was quick, making Tony glad that technology had gotten faster as it got better. Of course, Stark Industries is all top of the lines, considering he built it.

Stepping out of the elevator, Ton waves as he heads to his room to shower and change. He wanted to get some sleep, and maybe watch more videos of this Spider-Man hero. He hears the soft calls of goodnight from his family as he walks away. With a soft click, his bedroom door is closed and he relaxes. In this room, he doesn’t have to hide his pain, his anger, or any other feelings he has to control.

“FRIDAY, pull up my blueprints of the thing I started drawing up at home,” Tony says, pulling off his tank top, the arc reactor in his chest on full display. The lights dim as FRIDAY does as he asks. The holographs come to life, showing the plans that Tony has for a new version of Ultron. Yeah, he’s doing it again. He actually has a lot of things built that he shouldn’t, but he’s a bored rich guy. He’s going to cause trouble if he needs too.

“Do you need anything else, Sir?” FRIDAY says. Tony looks over the blueprints, shrugging.

“Run tests over my design. I’m taking a shower. I’ll look at them after that.” Tony states, heading to the bathroom. The shower is already running when he walks over to it. A soft chuckle escapes his mouth as he finishes stripping before he steps into the large shower. He spends as long in the shower as he can before he has to get out.

Tony dries off, walking out of the bathroom to his closet to pull on boxers and sweats. He doesn’t own a lot, but enough to get grease and oil stains on the sweats instead of his good clothes. Leaving his closet, he sees multiple test results before him. He starts going through them.

“Sir?” FRIDAY calls.

“Yes, babe?” Tony responds, trashing three of the results. He wants ones that actually listen to his orders this time around.

“Miss Potts told me to remind you that you need blood tonight. It’s been three weeks since you last fed properly.” FRIDAY says, making Tony chuckle. He should really start drinking more blood, especially now that he knows where his Mate is.

“Of course. Please let her know that I am getting a bottle. Two actually.” Tony says, walking over to his mini-fridge, pulling out a water bottle full of blood. As he drinks, he keeps going through the test results. When he finds the one he wants, a smirk appears on his face. He knows the moment Shield tries to take his Mate to keep him in their hold, he has plans to open Hell. After all, he has technology and Vampires on his side.

#starker #tony x peter #tony stark #peter parker #pepper potts #natasha romanoff #steve rodgers #steve x bucky #pepper x nat #rhodey #rhodey x sam #fanfic #vampire au #Blinding Lights

23 notes · View notes

eddiesasspbrak · 4 years

Text

When I’m With You Ch. 6

Eddie can’t stand the barista at his favorite coffee shop. Richie has fallen in love with the man he sees twice a week. Stan is dating someone but won’t let his friends meet them. Ben is in love with Beverly, but is so afraid of scaring her away he’s not moving forward. Chaotic friends navigating college together.

Ch. 1

Ch. 7

Read on AO3

4k+ words

Laser tag was never something Ben was particularly good at. He’d played in the past at birthday parties but back in the day he was always a target for the other kids to shoot. So, he never got very good at it. Playing with a group of friends was a lot more fun, he decided, though most of the time he was just trying to stay hidden. The one time he did try to make a run for it across an open space, he’d been hit from somewhere off to the side. He turned to shoot back but they were already gone. He was glad to be on a team with Bill, Bev and Richie. They were all really good and apparently this was something they did often, though usually there were strangers there as well. Having the whole place rented out to just the seven of them was nice and made it a bit more challenging.

When teams had been made Bev had excitedly yelled out “B squared is now B3, bitches!” and that had weirdly made Ben happy. For so long it had just been him, Stan and Eddie. Now they were making more friends that he was coming to care for it felt great. He hoped things worked themselves out between Richie and Eddie because he’d really hate to lose him as a friend. He’d really enjoyed hanging out at his apartment, baking with him and playing with Penny. The fact that he was willing to help an almost complete stranger shop for a birthday gift to impress a girl he liked showed he was a good guy.

Now, as Ben sat crouched down behind a fake boulder, the small box tucked in his pocket felt like a twenty-pound weight. He’d wanted to give it to her at the start of the night, but he hadn’t expected so many people to be there. So many strangers. He wanted to give her the necklace and finally tell her how he felt about her. After talking to Richie, he felt good about talking to her honestly. He really hoped that things were going well for him with Eddie as well. He wanted his friend to be happy and he really did like Richie. Not just as a friend but for Eddie. Ben thought they were a good match and watching them together was like watching a couple interact already.

Ben was trying to decide which way he should go from his hiding spot when someone rounded the corner and came to join him against the boulder. He raised his gun, ready to shoot one of the three from the other team, tensing as he tried to steady his hands. He relaxed, but only slightly, when he saw it was Bev. She dropped down next to him and peeked around the edge of the boulder.

“I’ve been hit twice. Stan is like a freaking ninja. Every time I see him, he just vanishes before I can shoot.” She was saying, breathless.

“Yea. He’s always been pretty good at this game for some reason.” Ben said, placing his hand over the box in his pocket.

“I thought for sure we’d win since we have more players, but I think we’re actually losing. Where’s Eddie? I think he’d be easy to take down.”

Ben wasn’t paying attention to what she was saying, instead he was wondering if this was a good time to give her the necklace. No one else was around at the moment but any one of them could spring up in front of or above them at any second and ruin the moment. Still, the night was going to wind to a close soon and if he didn’t give it to her now, he’d lose his chance. As it was, she probably thought he was the only one who didn’t bring her a present. They’d had to rent two of the little lockers for her gifts alone that she’d acquired from the other party goers at the bar. Ben didn’t even realize he’d been staring into space, lost in his own thoughts, until she waved her hand in front of his face.

“Earth to Ben. You ok, dude?” She asked.

“Oh...uh, yea. I’m good. I just...I have a gift for you.” He blurted out, reaching into his pocket.

“What? Really? Why didn’t you give it to me earlier?”

“I don’t know. I just...here.” He pulled the box out and placed it in her waiting hand.

She looked down at the little white gift box with a smile on her face. Ben watched nervously as she jiggled the lid until it began to slide free from the bottom half. It was dark in the room, but the necklace glowed orange in the blacklights. He couldn’t tell what face she was making or if she liked it as her hair had fallen down over the side of her face and virtually blocked his view. She gently lifted the necklace from the box and held it up to get a better look, before she turned to look at him. She wasn’t smiling. Her lips were slightly parted, and her eyes almost appeared to be damp, but he couldn’t be sure with the lighting.

“I... thank you.” Her voice was hushed and barely audible over the loud music.

“Do you like it?” Ben’s mouth went dry as he tried to swallow against the nervous lump in his throat.

“I do. I love it. Can you help me put it on?”

Ben nodded as she handed him the necklace. His fingers shook and he struggled to unhook the little clasp, nearly dropping the necklace twice before he succeeded. She lifted her hair up off her neck while he draped the necklace around the front of her neck and brought it around to the back to fasten. Once it was in place, she let her hair fall free from her hands and turned back to face him, a smile on her lips.

“Thank you.” She said again.

Silence fell between them and Ben thought they might kiss. It was a good chance for it, and he’d felt like he’d messed up ever since he’d left her at her door the week before with a forehead kiss. He wanted to kiss her as much then as he did now, and this was his chance to get it right. If he could just close the deal now, things might move forward for them and he could finally have the girl he’d been dreaming about for the better part of a year. Things seemed to go in slow motion as he stared into her eyes and they both began to lean in, tilting their heads slightly, ready for the moment they’d both been waiting for.

“Bev!” Richie’s harsh whisper cut through the daze they were both in as they pulled apart hastily just before their lips finally touched.

They looked over to see Richie crouched down and awkwardly waddle walking toward them. Ben wanted to be annoyed, wanted to tell him to go away. But he knew how much they liked each other and he wouldn’t interrupt if it weren’t important, right?

“What’s up, Rich?” Bev asked, clearing her throat and fidgeting with her laser gun.

“I kissed him.”

“What? Who?” They were both looking at him now, curious.

“Eddie.”

“You kissed Eddie?” Ben asked with a smile.

Richie nodded but his face looked panicked. Ok, yea, that was probably worth interrupting them. Though if he had waited just another minute, they’d be sharing the news of their own kiss with him as well. Ben sometimes wondered if he was too nice for his own good.

“What did he do?” Bev asked.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“I panicked and shot him and flipped him off. I think I might have moon walked away.”

“Oh my God, Richie. You’re so smooth I don’t know how you do it.” She laughed.

“Fuck off. What do I do?”

“I don’t know. Go find him, maybe?”

“What if he’s mad?”

“I don’t think he’d be mad.” Ben said. “He’s probably more confused than mad.”

“Ugh, fuck! What is wrong with me? That had to be the worst first kiss anyone has ever had.” Richie whined, placing his forehead against his knees.

“So, the kiss was bad then?” Bev asked, smirking.

“No, the kiss was awesome.”

Bev was going to make another snarky comment at his expense when Mike suddenly came around the boulder, joining their little group. He grinned and raised his gun, shooting each of their vests once.

“I’m pretty sure clumping together like sitting ducks isn’t the way you win this game.” He said.

Bev raised her gun up and shot at him as well. “Lured you, didn’t it?”

As Bev moved, it caused the pendant around her neck to move as well and catch the flashing lights, drawing the attention of the other two boys. Richie smiled, knowing that it came from Ben and he’d finally worked up the courage to give it to her. He knew she’d like it, and the fact that she was already wearing it was proof.

“Where’d you get that?” Mike asked, nodding toward the necklace.

Bev put her hand to her chest, grabbing the little stone between her fingers, a soft smile forming on her lips. “Ben gave it to me.” She looked to him and could see the light flush on his cheeks. “For my birthday.” She added.

Mike looked at Richie, who gave him a look in return that said he’d explain later while also confirming his suspicions with a nod. One thing about being friends with someone for so long, you learn to create silent gestures to communicate when words aren’t appropriate. There were times when they were all together and Bev and Richie would just stare at each other for long periods of time, making different facial expressions at one another before rejoining the group. It was clear they’d just communicated something with one another, though the others were never fully sure what it was. All four startled and pulled their laser guns higher when Bill came around and joined their little group.

“What are you guys d-doing?” He asked.

“Just catching up with friends.” Bev grinned.

“Right w-well, I can’t find Stan anywhere.”

“Your boy is a fucking ninja! I’m telling you he just vanishes into thin air!”

“No, really. I can’t find him or Eddie.”

Bev, Ben and Richie exchanged a look. They were the only three who knew what happened and weren’t sure if they should inform the other two just yet. They didn’t even know if the kiss had anything to do with Eddie’s disappearance. For all they knew, he and Stan were stealthily approaching to take them all down. Still, they all stood and began to search the space. It wasn’t uncommon for someone to trip and injure themselves. It wasn’t always easy to see in the blacklight with adrenaline running rampant. They looked around each corner, in each hiding spot and tunnel and, like Bill said, neither boy was in sight.

Stan had been about to shoot Eddie as he ran by, seemingly forgetting they were on the same team and just trying to get as many hits as possible, when he realized he was running for the door. Maybe he was just going to the bathroom, they’d had a lot of beer and it tended to run right through you but concern still washed over him. He abandoned his perfect hiding spot and followed him out into the lobby, where he found him struggling to take the vest off.

“Hey, Eddie...what’s going on?” He asked as he approached.

Eddie turned to look at him and he saw how red his face was and how panicked he looked. Maybe his concern was right after all. Eddie was known for having panic attacks and Stan had learned over the years how to help him through it.

“I can’t get this fucking thing off and I need to get out of here.” Eddie said, grunting in frustration when his fingers slipped on the closure.

“Ok, calm down a sec. Here.” Stan set his gun on a nearby table and pushed Eddie’s hands away. He was easily able to undo the clasp and free Eddie from the vest. He let out a breath of relief and gathered his vest and gun to return to the counter. “So, what’s going on?” Stan asked again.

“I have to leave.”

“Did something happen? Is it your mom?”

“No, I just...I can’t be here right now.”

Eddie turned and headed toward the door, but Stan grabbed him by the arm and stopped him. Stan knew that sometimes panic attacks came out of no where for seemingly no reason. He’d had a few himself and knew what it felt like to be suddenly breathless and dizzy for no discernable reason. Maybe that’s all this was, just a random panic attack that hit out of the blue, but Stan wouldn’t feel like a good friend if he just let him leave without being sure.

“Just wait a second, man. Tell me what happened.” He said, drawing him closer.

Eddie sighed in frustration but didn’t try to pull away from him. “You know I told you there was someone I really hate? The guy I was forced to go shopping with?” He spoke faster than seemed humanly possible, but it was something Stan and Ben were both used to so he easily understood every word.

“Yea. I vaguely recall.”

“Well that’s Richie.”

“Oh. Did he say something to piss you off?”

“No... not really...he...ugh...I don’t want to even say this out loud.”

“What? It can’t be that bad.”

“It is. Lately I’ve been having these weird feelings about him and I’ve been trying not to think about it but it’s really fucking hard when I see him every day. Literally, every day this week. Sometimes multiple times a day. Also, he lives down the hall from me.”

“And that’s...bad?”

“Yes, it’s fucking bad! I don’t want to have these feelings for him and so I’ve been pushing them down and ignoring it as much as I can and then that asshole…”

“What did he do?”

“He kissed me!” Eddie leaned it closer and whispered the words through clenched teeth.

Stan could only imagine the look of shock that crossed over his face as he finally understood why Eddie’s face was so red. So, maybe it wasn’t a panic attack and just general gay panic?

“So, he likes you too then?”

“I don’t like him, Stanley. And I don’t know what he’s thinking because he was reciting lines from Romeo and Juliet. Incorrectly, might I add. Then he kissed me, shot me, flipped me off and walked away. Who does that? What does that mean?”

Stan opened his mouth to say something and then immediately snapped it shut again. Because, fuck, he didn’t know what that meant either. The first time he’d kissed Bill had been in the library when they were studying. Bill had just leaned over and kissed him, enjoying having someone else be the stuttering mess for a change. The first time Mike had kissed him had been while watching a movie in his dorm. All three were there, snuggled up on the bed under the blanket, backs against the wall and laptop on Mike’s legs. Stan had stood up to grab the popcorn bag from the microwave and Mike had given him a kiss in thanks when he returned to his spot. They then had a joint moment of ‘oh shit, we’ve never done that before’ while Bill watched them, amused.

Both kisses had been nice and expected and come after he’d already entered into a relationship with both men. So, he really didn’t know what to tell Eddie about what Richie had done. He’d met him a handful of times, gotten to know him well enough to consider him a friend. He’d gotten used to his dumb jokes and comfortable enough to quip back from time to time. He even thought he was funny on the rare occasion when he wasn’t trying so hard. Was it possible he kissed Eddie just for the Romeo and Juliet bit? Absolutely. Was it possible he’d kissed him as a joke to throw him off? Very likely. It was possible that he was just screwing with him or taking a joke too far, but it was also possible that he really liked Eddie and just panicked.

“Now you see why I have to leave?” Eddie asked.

“Yea. I get it. Just...text me when you get home, ok?”

“Ok, mom.” Eddie rolled his eyes but smiled.

“I’m serious! Just do it, ok?”

“Yea, yea. I will.”

Stan pulled him into a quick hug and then watched Eddie leave and get into the uber that was already waiting for him. Eddie hadn’t had much luck with guys since he’d come out their freshman year. He’d had a few experiences here and there but had never had a legitimate boyfriend. Stan worried about him and he felt like he hadn’t been a very good friend of late. Tomorrow was Friday, and he was meant to have lunch with Mike and Bill, but he was going to cancel and spend the day with Eddie instead. At the very least, he’d get his mind off of Richie and the confusing first kiss disaster. Stan was about to go back into the room after the car was out of sight, when the other five came out into the lobby.

“There you are.” Mike said, stepping forward and draping an arm around him. “Where did you go?”

“I was talking to Eddie.” Stan looked to Richie, who perked up at the sound of the other man’s name.

“Where is he?” Ben asked.

“He left. He wasn’t feeling well.”

“Damn. I hope he’s ok. Well, we still have an hour left. Anyone want to jump ship to join Stan and Mikey?” Bev asked, looking around at the five boys.

“I w-will.” Bill said, stepping forward to join the other two.

“No way! You’re ditching B3?”

“Throuple versus...whatever that is.” Mike said with a grin, gesturing to the other three.

“Oh, fuck you. You’re going down.” Bev said, leading them back into the room.

A while later, Stan would get a text from Eddie letting him know he’d arrived home safely. He’d already told Bill and Mike he had to cancel their lunch date as they headed back to their game. He confirmed with Eddie that he was free to hang out and he agreed, probably grateful for the coming distraction. If Stan was intentionally targeting only Richie for the rest of the game, it was pure coincidence.

When Eddie opened the door for Stan the next afternoon, he looked rough. When he knew he was having company, he would always be showered and dressed, and his apartment would be spotless. This time, he was still in his pajamas, hair a mess and looking exhausted. His apartment wasn’t really a mess, but the couch cushions were disheveled, and a throw blanket was scrunched up from use on one side. Stan raised his eyebrows but said nothing as he walked past him into the living room. After closing the door, Eddie plopped down on the couch and tilted his head back, throwing his arm over his eyes.

“Are you hungover?” Stan asked, sitting on the other end of the couch.

“No.” Eddie’s voice was slightly muffled as he dragged his arm down his face, tilting his head to look at Stan. “I didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Well you look…great.” Stan lied with a smile, earning him a one finger salute.

“It’s all that assholes fault.”

“Richie?” Stan had intended to distract him from any thoughts of Richie, but what could he do if Eddie brought him up?

“Don’t say his fucking name in front of me. Who just kisses someone they barely know and then walks away without saying anything?”

“To be fair, he was drunk.”

“Yea, so was I, but I still had enough self-awareness not to kiss someone randomly.”

“Don’t you have his number?”

“Yea.”

“Then why don’t you text him and ask why he did it?”

“Are you kidding me right now, Stan? Is that a thing anyone would do?”

“I mean, if they wanted answers then yes.”

“I can’t just text him! What would I even say? ‘Hey dude, that was fun last night, right? By the way, why did you kiss me then flip me off?’”

“Yes. That’s exactly what you say.”

“Not a fucking chance in hell am I texting that to him.”

“I will.” Stan said, spotting Eddie’s phone on the coffee table and reaching for it.

Eddie lunged forward and wrapped both arms around Stan’s arm and falling against his side. Stan had only been half serious and he laughed as Eddie clung to his arm and kicked his phone off the table and far away from them. It hit the floor and slid under the armchair where it would remain until Eddie cared enough to look for it.

“I was kidding, Eddie. It needs to come from you.” Stan said, dislodging himself from Eddie’s vice-like grip.

“I think I’d rather pretend it didn’t happen and avoid him for a week.”

“Doesn’t he live down the hall, though?”

“Yes.”

“And he works at your favorite coffee shop you frequent twice a week?”

“Yes.”

“And he’s friends with all of your friends now?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm…good luck with that.”

“Stanley.” Eddie whined, drawing out his name as he collapsed against his friend and buried his face in his chest.

Stan drooped his arm around his back and rubbed comforting circles between his shoulder blades. He wouldn’t say it, not yet anyway, but he thought Eddie was being stupid about this. When he’d realized he had feelings for Bill and thought that maybe he was flirting with him, he’d told him. Well, sort of. He’d planned to tell him and then he met his boyfriend and was heartbroken for a few days. Then when Mike started flirting with him too, he was thrown into a tailspin of hot guys who were not only taken but taken by the other hot guy and he wasn’t sure which way was up. Eventually it got to be too much, and he asked Bill if he was into him and they’d laid everything out on the table. Things were cleared up and Stan ended up with two hot boyfriends and he loved them both. If Eddie could just get past that initial awkward stage, he could potentially end up happy.

“Last night you said you had feelings for him. What kind of feelings?”

“Stupid ones.” Eddie groaned.

“Eddie.”

He sat back against the couch, Stan’s arm staying around his shoulders. “I don’t know. I just…yesterday when I left the café, he got this look on face. Like, sad or disappointed or something and I got this twisting feeling in my stomach. It was like that the first time I saw that look too. Then I’m thinking I’ll do anything to not see that face again. Like, what is that?”

“I can tell you the truth, which might make you mad. Or I can tell you a lie and you can go on living in ignorant bliss.”

“Just tell me the truth.” Eddie said, covering his face with his hands.

“You like him, dude.”

Eddie groaned from behind his hands. Of course, he’d come to that conclusion himself, but that didn’t mean he wanted to face it. Having someone else say just made it that much worse and he instantly regretted asking for the truth. Ignorance was bliss and he should have clung to it as long as he possible could.

“I know, buddy. It’s rough.” Stan said, running his hand along his shoulder and upper arm.

“He’s so fucking stupid.” Eddie’s words were muffled, but he wasn’t willing to uncover his face yet. “And he thinks he’s so funny but he’s not even a little bit.”

“What the hell are you talking about? I saw you laughing and smiling at his jokes last night.”

“I was not.” Eddie said, scandalized as he finally dropped his hands and gave Stan a wide-eyed look.

“You so fucking were! I could tell you were trying to hide it, but you were doing a terrible job. Face it, you like him, and you think he’s funny.”

“Get the fuck out of my apartment.” Eddie said, pushing his hand from his shoulder and crawling to the other end of the couch to bury his face in the cushions.

“Don’t get mad at me now. You’re the one who asked for the truth.”

“I’ll let you stay if you buy me lunch.”

“You are a toddler. What do you want?” Stan asked with a chuckle.

Eddie and Stan ate together, talked a bit about his relationship with Bill and Mike and how that all started. After telling him he was completely ok with it, Eddie chastised him a bit for not trusting them because they loved him and both guys seemed like good people. Deep down, Stan already knew that bur hearing it from Eddie made him happy. He really did have the best friends and he should have known they’d respond this way. If he’d known that Eddie already knew Mike and Bill, he definitely would have told him sooner.

When they were finished eating, they settled in to watch a movie and Eddie fell asleep with his head on Stan’s lap. He let him sleep, knowing he needed it after a restless night. At one point, Stan thought he’d heard someone come down the hall and stop outside Eddie’s door just to walk away a few minutes later. He wondered if it was coincidence or if it was Richie, coming to talk to him about the kiss and then chickening out. His friends were stupid.

#Reddie #Benverly #Stenbrough #Hanbrough #Stanlon #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #beverly marsh #ben hanscom #mike hanlon #stanley uris #bill denbrough #It #it (2017)#it (2019)#Ro writes

19 notes · View notes

savvyqueen18 · 4 years

Text

SilveeLocke | Let's Go Eevee ZombieLocke | Pt.12

_(;^; _) This was a troublesome chapter to write, but I am back on the plot train of where my thoughts are connecting and I can't wait to continue the story. Things are getting hectic irl, and once my chapters I'm posting to my Tumblr catch up with the posts on the Amino I'm going to take a Hiatus so I can draw some more of our protagonist and her pokémon.

♡♡♡

Part 12: Mind over Matter

♡♡♡

>Next Part

>Previous Part

>Part 1

>Meet Silviana

>Meet Xander

“Well if you want to know what’s wrong why don’t you just ask him.” A mysterious voice spoke up.

Silviana looked up to see a stranger dressed in pure white clothing, she had on a loose top that flowed gently with the breeze coming from Vermilion City and white jeans that had a dark gradient from the top to bottom. She had on extremely tall platform shoes and if SIlviana had to guess, the woman looked a little shorter than her. What really caught Silvian’s eye though was her completely pale complexion.

This stranger was paler than any person Silviana has met and when she pulled down her big sunglasses, beautiful blue eyes looked down at her. Her pearl white hair was covered by a large sun hat with a big black ribbon wrapped around it.

Silviana was somewhat astonished looking at this beautiful woman, she opened and closed her mouth. Trying to speak but having nothing but air escape her lungs.

The woman chuckled a little bit, she set down her bag and slowly sat down next to Silviana.

Caliouse looked curiously at her, while Junipur perked up at the newcomer.

“You look like you could use a friend, and maybe some advice? If I’m not mistaken.”

Silviana nodded.

The fair skinned woman put two fingers to her mouth and let out a high pitched whistle. Silviana saw a shadow pass quickly overhead and from nowhere, a bird pokémon lands on the stranger’s arm she had held out for it.

“This is Nia, I brought her with me from my own region, she’s helping me look for someone, but I think that you may need my help right now. I can sense lots of distress coming from both your pokémon.” The woman threw a quick concerned look at Silviana's pokémon.

“Both?” Silviana pulled her head forward.

Junipur had sat up and made her way over to the stranger. The woman held out her hand for Junipur to sniff.

“I- I wouldn’t do–”

Junipur pushed her head into the woman’s hand. She let the woman gently scratch under her chin.

Silviana looked at Junipur, astonished at the affection she showed to this stranger and not to her own trainer, “How did you…”

The stranger laughed, “I may not be able to speak to pokémon, but I have empathetic connections toward them.” She scratched Junipur’s back.

The little Eevee let out a small ‘Vee’ and the woman went back to scratching her under the chin. Nia hopped off the woman’s arm and onto the ground next to them.

“She’s upset you know,” The woman said after a minute of petting Junipur, she had on a calm but somber look to her fair facial features, “She knows she can be more and can do so more. I can feel her frustration in this.”

Silviana looked to Junipur.

Do you think you need to evolve into something different for me to think you are strong? I love you how you are, no matter if you evolve or not.

Silviana couldn’t bring herself to say this out loud.

“And this one,” she emphasized ‘this’ and pulled up Caliouse to lay him on her lap. The Charmander adjusted himself and let his head hang over her knee, he had on a soft smile.

“This one is feeling all sorts of turmoil right now.” She pet him some more, “He’s upset about how he is now,” she furrowed her brows and looked up at Silviana questioningly, “What happened to him that could cause him to hate himself so much.”

As Silviana explained how she found him, the woman’s features relaxed in understanding.

“It’s no wonder he feels this much betrayal. He thinks you may want what that evil man wanted.”

“But that’s just not true.” Silviana quickly replied worriedly.

“Of course it’s not true, this is obvious with his great need to please you.”

“Please me? He’s my pokémon, not my slave.”

The woman closed her eyes and softly smiled, “You seem like quite a capable trainer, so you’ll learn more about your pokémon the more you bond with them. Talk to him, to all of them. Tell them your frustrations, your hopes,” she gave a quick chuckle, “tell them that you thought this boy you saw at the market was cute.”

Silviana gave an amused looked to the woman’s funny example.

“Showing more about yourself will get them to open up to you. You never know how much this affection will make them respond to your commands, your affections, and they could even demonstrate power you’ve never seen before. I’ve seen it with my beautiful Oricorio baby, I’m sure you can see it in your pokémon too.”

With that, she proceeded to get up, “Well I need to look for my friend before he gets himself in more trouble than is worth.” She dusted off her pants.

Silviana looked up to her, “Thank you for the advice.”

“Of course, happy to help.” She slung her bag over her shoulder and waved to Silviana, “Alola.” She then gave a small gesture to Nia. The bird pokémon looked at Silviana, it gave a show of its feather fans and bowed.

Silviana nodded her head to the pokémon and watched it take off after its trainer.

She looked at her own two pokémon, “Well, I guess that would be our cue to go to then.” She got up from where she sat, “Let’s head on while we have a little chat.” She paused for half a second putting on her bag and decided to get into it before she headed out. Taking out all of her pokéballs, she took out all of the pokémon she had thus far.

“While we all have a chat.” She looked at each of her pokémon, seven different and clearly unique creatures looked back at her. She squatted and looked at Junipur who was looking back at her through squinted eyes. Silviana opened her arms, “You and I especially.”

Junipur flicked her tail a little bit, but she walked to Silviana’s extended arms and let the girl slowly pick her up.

Silviana cradled Junipur carefully in her arms. She smiled a little brighter as she walked toward Diglett cave. Each of her pokémon took a spot either to the side of her or behind her while she walked. Even Riot flew close behind her as they walked.

Silviana kept her eyes forward as she talked to Junipur first, “Fist, I wanted to say that you don’t need to be strong for me to love and appreciate you. I want you to know that I trust you with all that I am. And the reason we train is so you can get stronger silly.” She saw Junipur look up at her from the corner of her eye, “And I will only have you evolve if you feel completely comfortable with it.” She saw Junipur’s ears flick back.

Hmm...

Silviana and her group walked through the mouth of the cave and down the gentle slope that led them onward. The cave naturally got cooler as they continued deeper. Tiny squeaks of Zubat and the patter of her pokémons’ feet against the hard gravel could be heard. Sometimes the ground shifted and dragged as a pokémon moved beneath it.

“You know it’s kinda the same thing I told Caliouse too,” she looked down at the charmander as they walked, “Only you know when it is time to evolve, I’m not going to force you. But evolving is what pokémon do!” She smiled and giggled at him, “It’s how you naturally become stronger.” Caliouse looked up to her with large eyes, he blinked a couple times and looked forward again, a bit more energy in him than when he had left the Vermilion Gym.

“But if you want to become stronger,” She looked back to the seemingly endless tunnel in front of her, “we’re going to have to work together.” She looked down to see a mildly grumpy look on Junipur’s face. She tried not to sigh as she continued, “That means listening to my commands and not fighting with your teammates. We are all on this journey together and it’s going to be a bit rough if we’re not all on the same page.” Silviana saw Junipur’s head roll, but the little Eevee dropped her head to rest it on her arm.

I hope I’m getting through to you, the last thing I want is for you to get hurt because of something I did.

Silviana continued to tell them little stories from before she went off on her journey, many stories about her mom’s own adventures in the Johto region. She could feel everyone's spirits lifted a little bit after she carefully talked to them.

The pathway was starting to get brighter too, no longer being mostly lit by Caliouse’s flame, as they neared the end of the tunnel. Little bits of dust dropped from the ceiling, Silviana stopped and casually blew the dust off her shoulder. As her pokémon stopped with her something caught her ears.

A low rumbling was echoing around the cave. Something else echoed behind her. She could hear deep cackling laughter and as the rumbling got closer so did the laughing.

Riot squawked. Silviana looked over to see what had happened, the large bird was rubbing his head with a wing. He looked up again to quickly block another rock with both of his wings, the rock bounced heavily off his wing-shield. Riot opened his feathers to take to the air.

“Nope! Don’t fly in this!” Silviana quickly pulled Riot back into his pokéball. She felt more gravel shower her head and the rumbling grew louder.

“Guys we have to get out of here,” the cackling grew louder as well, “now!” She sprinted down the tunnel. More rocks pelted her as she ran down the tunnel, she pulled Josee and Caliouse back into their pokeballs. She heard quacking behind her and skid to a stop.

Amare was a little ways behind her but the rumbling wasn’t helping her waddle any faster.

“I’m coming!” Silviana put Junipur down and shielded her head. She bent down and picked up Amare only managing to trip over one of the larger rocks that was falling from the ceiling.

Oh no! Please someone help me!

She covered Amare with her body feeling more rocks pelting her back.

“Vee vee!” She heard Junipur cry out and no longer felt rocks hitting her body.

Looking up carefully she saw boK choY and Trahp, both having their vines extended striking rocks out of the way above Silviana and Amare. Junipur was on top of boK choY’s sprout shouting more commands to Trahp and boK choY while Trouble was shooting larger pieces of the ceiling away from the grass pokémon. Junipur took one long look at Silviana and held her gaze.

“Yes! Good work Junipur! Good job you three!” Silviana scrambled to race toward them and once again all of her pokémon were racing beside her to the exit.

The tunnel was less than 100 yards away when she saw something above her. There were large brown lumps moving across the ceiling. She squinted her eyes, the brown lumps that shifted across the ceiling bobbed in and out as they threw more rocks and displaced larger stones.

Silviana growled, “Amare throw them off their game!” She commanded as she held Amare in her arms.

Amare let off a psybeam and hit many of the Dugtrios on the ceiling. The pokémon trickled down the sides of the tunnel.

“Look at how good you’ve gotten! You might be ready to evolve soon too!” She heard Amare quack at the praise. Silviana beamed at how close they were to the exit so she put Trahp back in her ball. She noticed the large support rocks around the entrance start to shift.

“boK choY! Let’s hurry up and get out!” She saw the little Ivysaur gallop faster and extended her vines forward. Silviana shielded her eyes as the bright white light from outside shone through the entrance. Silviana quickly ducked and went through the exit that boK choY was holding up.

Stepping out onto the soft dirt of the outside she smiled. Trouble ran past her and bumped her leg, she set down Amare who happily chased after the Squirtle. They both rolled around in the grass shooting little sprays of water at each other. Silviana couldn’t help but smile and laugh at her pokémon.

She felt Junipur paw at her ankle, “What’s up Junipur?” She looked down at her.

Junipur was looking between Silviana and the mouth of the cave. Silviana raised an eyebrow and looked behind her.

She put her hands to her mouth and gasped, “boK choY!”

#zombielocke #silveelocke #pokemon #nuzlocke #pokemonnuzlocke #pokemon nuzlocke #let's go eevee #let's go pikachu #my writing

2 notes · View notes

justjessame · 4 years

Text

Hellfire and Angelic Grace Chapter 11

John was holding Lilana, the light fading outside the bedroom windows, feeling a contentment he hadn’t felt in so damn long he’d almost forgotten how it could feel. Her lips were making a map of his chest and he was shocked at how his body was STILL responding. He’d lost count of how many times and how many ways they’d come together since he walked in to comfort her.

She glanced up from beneath her eyelashes, kissing the hair covered chest that she wanted to touch and taste forever. “I want more,” she whispered and he chuckled, his voice hoarse. Lilana moved so she was straddling him, moving lower until he was back inside her heat and then, once again, it felt like the world stopped. “Dear fucking-” she moaned, and it broke whatever spell that hit when they joined. She rocked, letting him feel every slick inch of the inside of her and John’s moan met hers.

“Lilana,” he rolled and was on top of her moving hard and fast, the way he had quickly learned she loved. “That’s it, sweetheart, fuck you’re tight,” his head found her shoulder, and his lips were tasting her skin as greedily as she had his. “You taste amazing, fuck, Lilana, right fucking-” and with a roar, he came again, deep inside of her as she bit into his shoulder to keep from screaming loud enough to breach the well insulated walls of her bedroom.

He stayed cradled between her thighs, their breathing coming down together, their hearts syncing. Her stomach growled and he laughed. “I think I’m hungry.” She giggled. “Which is weird, because I feel so fucking full.” She wiggled and he knew exactly what she meant. He was still inside of her, still coming down, still filling her perfectly. John’s eyes met hers and he saw everything he was feeling reflected. “Think the boys are gonna let us do the walk of shame quietly?”

His thumb brushed her lower lip, that lip that begged to be tasted again. “I think they will if they know what’s good for them.” He dipped his head and gave into temptation. She tasted like every damn thing he couldn’t live without. Her laughter bubbled up when his stomach rumbled against her. “Damn, guess I’m a little hungry too.”

Lilana’s hands were sliding through his hair. Her eyes studying his face, the scar along his eye, the scruff on his face that burned just right on her skin, those eyes of his that burned and twinkled at the same damn time. “You’re fucking gorgeous, John Winchester.” She tugged his head back to hers and licked into his mouth. “I don’t know why I finally found you, but I will die before I lose you.”

It was full dark by the time they came out of her bedroom. Lolly laying against her door, looking like she’d been abandoned. Lilana’s hand reached down automatically and slid through her fur. John’s fingers linked with her other hand, and smiling they walked down the hallway. They could hear the voices of the boys, and another voice, one that made John’s hand tighten in hers.

“John?” She asked, looking up, but the new voice cut in.

“Ah, Papa Winchester,” what accent was that? Lilana tried to place it. “Why don’t you bring Lilana in here and join us?” Ut oh.

Entering the living room, Lilana’s eyes landed on a man in a well made dark suit. He was smaller stature, but so was she, and she had a feeling that wasn’t all they shared. Dark hair, dark facial hair, and a look like he’d really enjoy tearing the wings off of flies in his spare time. Daddy? She wondered, with an internal snarkiness that she felt he heard because of the smirk he flashed at her.

“Lilana, my dear, come, come.” He was gesturing as though he owned her house and she shot him a look. “My apologies, sweetheart, habit.” He took the chair she’d sat in the previous night. Looking very much like the King of Hell, if she were being honest. Fuck.

Pulling John by the hand to the sofa, she sat and drew him down next to her. She kept his hand in hers. “Crowley, I suspect?” Lilana was happy to note that her voice was steady. Good. “Wait,” she leaned forward studying him. “I know you.” She did. She knew him, she’d seen him on the worst night of her life. “You pulled me from the car.” His eyes widened. “You took me from the wreckage, you were at my bedside.”

“I thought you were-” he stopped, his voice had gone breathless. A sign of weakness, and clearly Crowley didn’t want to sound weak. “You were unconscious.”

“I saw you from above.” John glanced at her. It was the same voice she’d used in the dream, almost hers, but not quite. “The corner of the room. You spoke to me.” Crowley’s eyes met John’s. “You said you’d get them, that they’d watch over me.” Her head tilted and John could see the reflection of the glow of her eyes in the wall of glass behind the King of Hell. “Thank you.”

Lilana’s eyes closed and she sighed, and then sat back as though exhausted. “Winchester, explain.” Crowley was unnerved. What had just happened? Her eyes, had anyone ever seen that type of bright light before? So blinding, so white and blue tinged.

John’s hand tightened on Lilana’s, drawing her back to the conversation. “Sorry, I think I might have zone out for a moment.” She took in the tension in the room. “Shit, did I-” she sighed and felt all four sets of eyes zero in on her. Lilana sighed. “Yeah, OK, so sometimes I seem to channel something or someone.” She made it sound like it wasn’t a big deal. “What? He’s the KING OF HELL.” She gestured at Crowley like he won this round of weirdo Olympics.

John’s eyes landed on Crowley with a raised eyebrow. “Want to weigh in, Father Dearest?”

Crowley snorted. “Hark who’s talking.” He sighed and sat back in his chair. “I don’t know, Winchester, how would I?” He studied his daughter’s face. “How long has this been happening? The ‘channeling’?”

Lilana settled into the sofa. “Forever?” A shrug. “Mom mentioned it when I was sixteen like it was a family joke.” Her eyes met Crowley’s. “You know the type, ‘remember the time Li-Li talked in that weird voice and freaked out her nanny so bad she wet herself’, the nanny not me.” She rolled her eyes. “My life has been FILLED with weird. The pool guy who hit me with the net, nearly drowning me in our old house. He didn’t realize he’d touched me, he swore, but before he did it Lolly wouldn’t let him in the gate, and afterward she snuggled him. Weird.”

John and Crowley’s gaze met for a split second. “What else?” Dean, from behind her. She tilted her head and grinned.

“Forgot you were hovering there, why don’t you grab a seat. You too, Sam?” Once everyone was settled in, she continued. “More freaky weird? There was my friend Annie’s mom. She kept badgering Mom and Dad to let me have a sleepover, but when they gave in and I insisted Lolly come along, she backed out.” She bit her lip. “The guys who wanted more, but when they arrived at the house, took one look at Lolly growling and drooling and darted away.” She felt John shift with irritation. “Not all of them, clearly. I don’t know, up until the other night, it was just weird stuff over and over, interspersed with me spouting off cryptic shit in a voice sort of mine, but not.” Her eyes squinted. “And the light. Mom swore that sometimes it looked like my eyes glowed.” She rolled her eyes.

“It’s true, Lilana,” John’s voice was quiet and she turned to look at him. “They glow.” What?

“Lilana,” Crowley’s voice drew her attention back to him. “I’m not sure you understood everything they told you-”

“Half angel, half demon?” She snorted, who would understand that? “I don’t.”

“Your mother, Abigail, was-” He closed his eyes. “She and I weren’t supposed to-” Not enough strength, not by a mile. “What we had was forbidden.” His eyes opened to her watching him. “Our love, you, it was beyond forbidden. She-”

“Evaporated.” Lilana’s voice was hushed, but sure. “She ceased to exist. All because of me.” The pain he heard was real and it was echoed inside of him. “Maybe I shouldn’t-”

Four voices shot that idea down. “Darling, no.” Crowley took up the argument easily. “You mother, she was a great deal like you, she said things, knew things, that she shouldn’t. You were meant to be.” He sounded as certain as she had. “It hurt to lose her, I won’t deny that, it’s a loss I feel to this second.” Li-Li’s eyes were shining with tears. “But YOU? You are supposed to exist. You make her loss at least mean something.” His eyes flicked to John’s hand in hers. He growled. “Could you stop mauling my daughter right in front of me, Winchester?”

Li-Li’s eyes glanced down at their linked fingers. “Mauling? We’re holding hands-” she searched for something to call him. Damn it. “What do I call you?”

Crowley came up short at the question. Call him? Father? No, too formal. Dad? No, too casual. Daddy? No, too cringe inducing. He shot Winchester a look. Please, all that is unholy, do not let her be calling Papa Winchester ‘daddy’. “I’m not sure, Lilana.” They sat and studied one another. “What would you like to call me?”

Another moment of silence. Father? Ugh, that would sound like he was her priest, which would be hilarious, but weird. Dad? Nope, she had one, he was dead. Daddy? Eww, there was an amount of ew that couldn’t be un-thought, and that word brought them all to the surface. Papa? She shot a look at John. Yeah, no, not after he’d called John that multiple times. “Can we play it by ear?”

A nod. Great. “Back to the issue at hand-” he shot their linked hands another sharp look. “Mauling.” Lilana rolled her eyes.

“Mauling?” She held up their hands for a better look. “This is mauling?” John could hear the playful bent in her voice and shut his eyes against the thought of what may be coming. “Damn, guess we should be happy he didn’t come straight into my bedroom earlier, right, honey?” She blinked at John, his eyes opened and he had to fight a laugh. “I mean, not to brag, but that was MAULING.” She dragged the word out and felt the sofa on her other side shake. Turning she saw Dean turning almost blue from holding in some type of emotion. “You OK, Dean?”

That did it. Dean let out the breath he’d been holding, a combination of deflated squeak toy and horror left him and Sam was laughing from his own chair with abandon. Crowley and John were staring at one another and Lilana could almost feel the heat.

“Oh stop it.” It was directed at Crowley, because of course, he rolled his eyes. “You don’t get to throw your parental weight around here, mister.” She stood up, releasing John’s hand reluctantly. “I don’t KNOW you, and whose fault is that?” He opened his mouth, but she kept going. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, my protection and forbidden love, bullshit. YOU’RE King of Hell, right? Well, toss your weight around and do supervised visits or something.” She threw her hands up in the air and headed for the kitchen. “Now, since I just experienced MIND BLOWING marathon sex with the sexual wizard that is John Winchester, I’m starving. Anyone want dinner?”

#supernatural fanfiction #alternate universe #crowley/daughter #john winchester x ofc #angel/demon #Dean Winchester #sam winchester #Smut

1 note · View note