#16 years non stop | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

samkerrworshipper · 19 days

Text

close your eyes

leah williamson x reader, jordan nobbs x reader, arsenal x reader

part 1 of beautiful girl series-> pt.2 -> pt.3

warnings: drug abuse, drug addiction, mentions of sexual assault, sexual assault, jordan and leah r broken up, basically a trauma dump, unedited, if you are not in an okay headspace this fic is not for u, based on beautiful boy

You find it hard to remember the last time you felt loved.

Not the kind of love that people tell you everyday, no, real unconditional, meaningful, purposeful love. The kind of love where a person looks at you like you single handedly hung the stars and the moon, the kind of love where it feels like nobody could love you in the same way, the same love that shakespeare wrote poems about, the same love that you know that you could never be capable of receiving.

You don’t really blame anybody but yourself, how could people love you, how could people want to love you? You weren’t a loveable person, in your opinion you were quite frankly the exact opposite.

Maybe when you were eight, when you were cute and loveable, when you had cute little piggy tails and wore pink overalls and only wanted to dance and talk about unicorns.

Maybe when you were ten and you spent every afternoon practising football in the backyard with your moms.

Maybe when you were twelve and your only aspirations for life were to win your school spelling bee and captain england just like your mom.

From then on, it all seemed like one big blur.

From 12 onwards you don’t think a lot of you was lovable, hell you hardly thought eight year old you was lovable, a tiny little orphan who had seen so much of the world and yet none of it, yet your moms had spent every single day trying to make you feel like you were and it had worked. For possibly the first time in your life, you’d felt that love, like a whole galaxy revolved around you, like no matter what happened in your life, you could face it.

It was funny how fast that feeling could fade.

It wasn’t really that surprising that you’d seeked out something to fill the hole inside of you, or at least that’s how you saw it.

It started at 14, when you were so consumed with all of the pain around you, the shit storm of broken relationships and the broken home that now replicated the same one you’d come from. Babies learnt to self soothe by being left to cry, teenagers learnt to self soothe through pain.

First it was spending as much time as possible out on the pitch with your moms, every single one of your afternoons spent practising, and any minute you weren’t on the pitch it was non stop studying.

You formed a anger for it, a pure hatred for the sport that your moms were so fond of, a sport that had brought them together and inevitably forced them apart.

At 15 you left football behind, you focused on your school, spending every spare minute on your studies, they headaches and migraines, the stress, the anxiety, it was all good, it proved that you were trying, it filled the hole inside of you.

When you were 15, you stopped caring. Your mama stopped caring, she moved 3 hours away for her own career, she didn’t have time to care about your school work, as for your mom, it wasn’t an easy job captaining the lionesses to a european championship, she had bigger problems then you.

When you turned 16, everything changed. Your mom tore her acl, Lia moved in, there wasn’t any room for you, let alone room for you to be loved. Your mama stopped visiting as often, only when it was necessary, for the first time in a while, you felt alone, truly alone.

When you turned 17, you found other ways to self soothe. Babies cried for attention, out of hope that they’d find some of that love that they were missing when they were alone. Babies cried because they had no other way of conveying the loneliness and desperate need they had for whatever they were seeking. Teenagers do stupid things in search of the same thing, love, attention and in search of something. Teenagers are stupid by default, you weren’t unbeknownst to that, the eight year old version of you though would have swore six ways to sunday that you’d never behave in the way you were, out of fear that you’d end up back where you’d come from, that you’d lose the only family that had ever showed you a glimpse of love, teenage you figured there wasn’t any more love for you, it had all been swallowed up by younger you, taken before you could really understand the magnitude of that love, before you needed it the very most.

Maybe it was the pot speaking, or the nicotine from your vape, or it was just the overwhelming cloud that always seemed to hit when you were high. It would fade eventually, it always did, all the deep emotional shit that made you want to cry would go, and you’d be left mellowed out, all of your feeling sucked out like a deep exhale, sometimes it just happened to be that you had to feel it all before you felt nothing, before the overwhelming numbness hit you and the hole in your heart was filled once again.

You flinched at the knock on your bedroom door, you were grateful enough for the warning, it had taken a lot of convincing to your mom and her best friend before they’d finally agreed to it.

You didn’t bother trying to hide your vape, the joint you had been smoking had been put out a couple of minutes ago.

“Come in.”

You stayed sat on the ledge of your window, your head hanging halfway out, the cool london winter breeze making your lips numb and your face pink.

The door opened slowly and you kept your eyes on the outside street, watching the cars drive past underneath you.

“Hey, dinners ready if you want to come down.”

You nodded absentmindedly, avoiding Lia’s eyeline.

“It’s freezing, close your window.”

You looked over at the swiss woman, a woman who was now so familiar in your home that you saw her more than the woman you called your mama.

“I’m good.”

You took a deep breath, one last inhale of the chilly air before turning to face Lia and uncurling your body, standing up and walking towards the door where she was standing.

“If you want to live in Antarctica then that’s your call.”

You try your best to suppress the eye roll, instead opting to pull your vape from your pocket and take a deep inhale, it’s not as good as the cold air but it’s something. It also helps to cover the weed scent that you’re trying to cover up.

Lia walks behind you, shaking her head at the puff of vapour that hits her right in the face as you make your way down the stairs and into the living room and then into the dining room.

Your mom is sitting at the table, fiddling with the cutlery and looking down at the meal that you know she most definitely did not cook.

It was one of the only bonuses of having Lia around, when jordan left the healthy and yummy food had turned into mostly take away and food that wasn’t cooked on a stove top because Leah had learnt her lesson after the multiple calls to the fire department.

You sat down in your normal chair, taking another hit of the vape in your hand before setting it down on the table and replacing it with a fork.

“I thought we’d talked about no vapes at the dinner table, bubba.”

You focused down at the bowl of spaghetti that was in front of you, it was the night before a game, which meant carb loading, you’d never been fond of pasta, although you supposed that had slipped Leah’s mind in the last couple of months.

“I’m not using it at the table, am I?”

You could feel the look of disapproval from your mother from the other side of the table.

You pushed your fork into the pasta, searching for a meatball instead of the pasta that you were desperate to avoid.

“Bubba I think you can put it away for half an hour every night, please.”

You pull your spare hand out of your hoodie, grabbing at the vape and slipping it into the pocket.

You focus on stabbing the meatball that your focus has locked onto, keeping your eyes downcast and focused on locating all of the saucy balls and shoving them into your mouth as quickly as possible.

Just as you’ve located and eaten all of the orbs that you can guarantee Lia made all by herself, your mom directs conversation at you once again, pivoting from whatever she was talking to Lia about,

“We’re playing in Manchester tomorrow night, you’re welcome to come with us on the bus if you want, or you could go with mumma, I think she’s planning to drive up to watch the girls. The girls haven’t seen you in a while though, Lotte has been missing you, she’s been asking me about you.”

You’d distanced yourself from your moms club teammates for a multitude of reasons, but it all stemmed down to the hatred that you had for arsenal, the love that your mom had for the club, the club that took all of her time, her teammates that saw more love then you felt you did.

“I think I'll just stay home for the weekend, mama is going to be in town anyways. Plus Maya and I were planning to do something tomorrow night.”

She was going to be in town, it didn’t mean you had plans to see her.

“Maya? Do I know a Maya?”

You tried your best not to be annoyed at your moms sudden concern about your social life.

“She’s just a friend.”

You could practically feel the eyebrow raise from the other side of the table.

“What were you and Maya planning on doing tomorrow night?”

You looked up for the first time, gritting your teeth.

“I don’t know, hang out, have some fun, nothing special. I want to see mama and I want to hang out with friends, is that not enough for me to stay home for the weekend,? It'll only be a night.”

You watched your mom collapse in, her eyes straying to the side to look at Lia.

“So it’s friends now, plural? I talked to Jord yesterday, she didn’t say that you had anything planned with her for this weekend.”

You wanted to bolt upstairs back to your room, light a joint and stick your head back out of your window and enjoy the serenity that came from it, but you held strong.

“Yes, friends, I have more than one, we’ll probably just hangout at someones house, no biggie. I haven’t talked to mama yet because I didn’t know what I was doing this weekend.”

Your moms eyebrow only raised further up her forehead, the line of hair practically melting into her hairline.

“I was a teenager once, you think I don’t know what a hangout turns into?”

You were about to rebut, answer with some snappy answer that probably would have gotten you in more trouble than you would have wanted, but you were silenced by the swiss woman sitting to your left.

“She’ll be fine Le, she’s smart, she’ll leave her location on, she won’t do anything you wouldn’t. Right?”

You nodded cautiously, a little bit shocked by the swiss woman’s attempt to help you out.

“Yes, I’ll leave my location on and I’ll meet up with mama the next morning, I’ll be responsible, I always am.”

You were grasping for anything, any reason to make your mother agree.

“Fine, but you do anything stupid, and I mean anything, then you’ll be in big trouble missy, and I want you to eat some more of that dinner, Lia puts a lot of work into feeding us.”

You swallowed the argument about your hatred for pasta, in favour of nodding your head meekly and twirling some of the noddles with your fork, forcing them into your mouth even if it made you cringe internally, it was a hard meal to swallow, but you did it for the sake of making your mother happy, something that you seemed to constantly be doing.

Once you’d eaten half of the pasta you called it quits, walking up towards the kitchen sink and cleaning out your bowl before placing it into the dishwasher and sacking it properly before closing it up.

You grasped for the vape hidden in your pocket, depserate for something to take the edge off from the conversation you’d had, the flavoured air providing a temporary comfort.

You dragged your feet back up the stairs to your bedroom, locking the door behind you and turning off the lights in your room.

Your room was cold, but you didn’t find yourself minding it.

You checked your lock for a second time, making sure it was definitely clicked shut before sliding underneath your bed frame and reaching around aimlessly for the container that was wedged into a corner of your mattress.

It didn’t take long for you to find it, your hand connecting with the rough plastic and pulled at it almost immediately.

You opened the container, forcing the lid open and picking out the bag that you were searching for.

Walking across the room in search of a card and flat surface was a mission that didn’t take long, both necessary factors found at your desk.

You opened up the bag, the answer to all of your feeling and struggles.

You shook a bit of the powder out of the bag, it was a routine that you’d adapted.

You’d always had routines, at eight it had been your nighttime routine. Bath, pyjamas, toilet, bed time story, cuddles, trying to get to sleep in your own bed, inevitably sneaking into your moms bed. At 12 it had been your pre match routine, wearing your moms first arsenal jersey to bed the night beforehand, a banana and bottle of water before the game, socks, shinpads, boots and a bottle of lucozade. At 14 it was your pre test routine, cue cards with one of your parents the night beforehand, a 12 hour sleep, a good luck hug from one of your moms and using your lucky pen. At 17 it was the little kit you kept underneath your bed, open it, find the baggy, spill enough of it onto your desk, push it into a line, take a deep breath through your nose.

It was a routine that kept you going, one that you clung to like the oxygen you breathed in.

When your mom tore her acl, your life changed permanently, no longer was any focus on you, it shouldn’t have really been a surprise that you’d fallen into a rougher crowd, that you’d turned to something else to help soothe the pain that had been coursing through your blood stream as everything changed around you.

It had started with pocketing a couple of your moms post surgery meds, oxy’s, they felt good, they felt so much better than anything else you’d tried to help fix you. But they were in limited amounts and it was hard to steal pills when Lia was monitoring everything that your mom did and took. You’d made friends with the girls in the form above you, and then their friends who were older, and eventually you’d found yourself out at parties on nights when you told your mom that you were spending the night with your mama in Birmingham, it had been eays enough, she was too focused on her knee to pay much mind to what you were doing and who you were doing it with.

There was enough money lying around the house, it wasn’t hard to find and subsequently it wasn’t hard to find somebody who was willing to give you more than you could find at the parties you where going to.

It had felt good, like for the first time in a while you had people who you could relate to, who were dealing with the same problems as you, you felt like you’d found a somewhere that felt more like a home than anywhere you’d been before.

The vapes had been a way to disguise it, to make your mom feel like she could control the bad things that you were getting up to, if she monitored your vape usage then why would you search for anything else?

Self-soothing.

You finished your routine by pushing the baggy back into its box and securing the box back into the spot it had come from, making sure that it was hidden from sight, before climbing into your bed and waiting for the proper high to hit you.

Weed and nicotine were good, it had been where you started out, but nothing hit better than a real high, a real proper feeling that made you feel inundated with complete numbness in the best way possible. It made everything quiet, every doubt and pain in your soul quietened down and it made you feel at peace.

You supposed it was what made drugs so addictive, specifically meth. They made a person in pain feel normal, it made an angry person feel calm, it made a sad person happier than ever, it made a person searching for everything yearn for nothing. It fixed every problem known to man and every problem man knew.

When the high hit you felt it across your whole body, your thoughts, pain and the loudness inside of you faded, everything faded, all you felt like was a body, devoid of everything besides the body you were inside of. To you, it was the best feeling in the world, it was a feeling you’d been searching for since you were a kid, when you’d felt so alone and unloved that you would have sold all of your internal organs if it meant that you could have felt the same amount of nothingness that you were in this very moment.

You would lie awake for hours riding it out, staring up at the ceiling of your room, studying the different ridges and bumps across the white plaster. Once upon a time it had been blue, with white clouds all over it, little stars and rainbows across it, when Jordan had moved out you’d forced your mom to cover it up, it was just another reminder of the love that you’d once found in your house miraculously fading away.

It normally took a few hours for the initial high to fade, for the endorphins and adrenaline pinging around in your bloodstream to calm down for you to be able to drift off to sleep, you didn’t really mind, you were used to it. Once upon a time it was the same feeling you’d gotten when your moms would smile at you, or when you would step off a football pitch after 90 minutes, or when you’d get a good score from one of your exams. Once upon a time it had all been organic, it had been natural, now it was all forced, a chemical reaction that your brain craved.

Somewhere around 4am you drifted off, it was convenient because it meant you’d be dead asleep when your mom and Lia left for the training ground, saving you from the interaction with the two of them.

You awoke around 12 o’clock, you dragged yourself downstairs and into the kitchen, enjoying the emptiness that surrounded you. At your mama's house there was Blu, and for some reason it always felt more crammed. At your mom’s house everything was open, quiet, tucked away. It was the way you liked it, plus she was gone more often with media commitments and Arsenal playing in the Champions League, so it meant you were home alone most of the time.

You chugged your coffee like it was your first drink in days, groaning when your mom’s contact started buzzing up in front of you.

“Mom?”

You tried your best to sound awake, you don’t think your efforts were very successful.

“Hey bubba, how’d you sleep?”

You didn’t really think your mom actually cared about how you’d slept, more like it was a conversation buffer.

“Fine.”

You could hear the sound of your mom’s teammates in the background, a couple of months ago you probably would have been there with her, nowadays there was nothing you wanted less.

“Good. Look, I talked to Jord this morning, she’s going to come and hang out with you tomorrow until we get back, she should be around in the morning.”

The same anxiety that always seeped through your mom’s voice when she talked about her ex was easy to detect, like she was nervous to utter her name or mention her.

“Cool.”

You wondered why she hadn’t just left it up to you to organise something with your mama, but you supposed you hadn’t been great at that recently. Jordan’s number was something you had a aversion to.

“Which means I want you home before 1am, and I want you to be sensible tonight, your mama is very excited to see you tomorrow and I don’t want you being a dickhead or being dead to the world, You’ll be polite and spend time with her, understood?”

She made it sound like an assignment, like you had to be on your very best behaviour, like you had to put on a show for Jordan.

“Whatever.”

You heard a huff of annoyance from the other side of the phone, it was a sound you’d gotten used to, Leah used it frequently.

“Don’t whatever me, bubba please, Jords is really looking forward to it, she’s been feeling a bit left out by you recently so please for me, just try your hardest to be good for her. Be safe tonight, I know you and your friends like to have some fun but just stay safe, if you need anything don’t hesitate to send me a text or a call, I love you bubba.”

It felt empty, like your heart, like everything around you, like something she had to say.

“I love you too mom.”

The call fizzled out and you let a deep breath that you’d been holding in go, you did love your mom, it just didn’t feel like she loved you anymore.

You went about your day in a haze, your friends were due to come to yours before the party around 5 o’clock, so you had some time to yourself before then, time you were undoubtedly planning to do not a lot with. You tried watching tv, tried organising and cleaning your room, none of it took off the edge, none of it made the world silent like you needed.

It had all started with parties, a way for you to get out of your comfort zone, a way to make parties a little bit more enjoyable. Now you craved them to make your life more enjoyable, to make it all a little bit more bearable.

It was all one big routine.

For a while you throught it was getting better, everything was solving itself. You’d lie awake in your bed at 3am, riding out the last bits of your high and you’d realise that it wasn’t, that there was no solution to solve what had gone wrong with you and made you so fucking unlovebale.

You knew your existence wasn’t eays, hell Jordan and Leah had adopted you when you were at rock bottom, and they’d still found a way to love you, to make you loveable, but you figured somewhere along the way they’d run out of things about you that were loveable.

You weren’t normally someone who got high during the day, but you were home alone and figured why not, you’d been taking them at night for months now, what would a day time fix change? Everything felt better when you were riding on a high.

You spent the rest of your afternoon sat on your window sill, counting the cars as they drove past. When your friends came around at 5 o’clock you were ecstatic, hurrying down the stairs as fast as your woozy body would allow you.

You had friends that your moms met and friends your moms didn’t, these were the ones you were yet to introduce to Leah.

You didn’t think that she would approve of the friends that you hung out with when she wasn’t around, especially considering they were quite a bit older than you.

There were benefits to it, they bought you alcohol they could drive you around, they were smarter then the kids your age.

Maya, Olivia and Scarlett were nice enough, a little bit stupid but it didn’t bother you too much, you were all like minded, you liked to have fun and party, with the assistance of some recreational substances.

None of them batted an eye at your clear intoxication, pushing a bottle of something or another into your hands before walking with you up to your room to start getting ready.

The drink burned as it made it’s way down your throat, it was therapeutic, a reminder that while you felt disconnected from your body because of the drugs, you were still present.

You let one of the girls do your makeup, packing your face until you looked well over the age of 17, then allowing one of them to sort through your monstrosity of a closet until they found a cute corset top and skirt. Leah Williamson was a lot of things, a fashionista being one of them and that had always carried through to your wardrobe. You were more than equipped with clothing for every occasion known to man.

By the time you’d downed your first drink of the night the euphoria was starting to hit and you were starting to feel good.

By the time your second drink had been downed you were being thrown into a car and were on your way to the party, sharing a joint with Liv who was sat in the back seat with you, the two of you occasionally shotgunning the smoke or blowing a puff at eachother.

It was good, it was relaxing, it was what made you feel at peace.

Pulling up to the party was a whole different kind of feeling.

You didn’t know who’s party you were at, who’s house, where it was, it didn’t matter to you, not really, all you cared about was having a good time by your standards.

You flicked your phone onto silent, desperate to avoid any contact from anyone, instead focused on the spectacle around you as you stepped into the threshold.

Maya introduced you to someone she went to school with, a man that looked like he was nearly as far gone as you felt. You smiled at him, giving him a hug and nod, trying to rush the introduction so you could get a drink in your hand and take a seat.

“You’re quite cute aren’t ya, how old are you sweetheart?”

You looked across at your friend, curious as to whether you should lie or not, she nodded her head and you took it as approval.

“17.”

His smile only grew, his head cocking to the side.

“A youngin? I’m sure we’ll have some fun tonight, the young ones always know how to go harder, whaddya like, sweetheart?”

You tried your best not to appear uncomfortable, even if his attention was putting you off a little bit.

“She’ll take whatever, although she has been having some fun with ice recently, she likes her vape and some molly sprinkled in with it.”

Matt slapped you on the back, his smile only growing.

“Definitely a fun time then, I’ll catch up with you later sweetheart, I reckon I have something you might like, head on in guys, I’ll catch you later.”

It wasn’t a big house, it wasn’t small either though, it was full enough that it probably seemed smaller than it truly was.

There were people everywhere, which surprised you considering it was only early, not that you minded, it was more convenient anyways.

You were dragged to a couch with your friends, they were less far gone than you and almost immediately were sniffing up lines of whatever was on the coffee table in front of you.

There was so much happening around you that you struggled to understand it all fully, there were puffs of smoke coming from every direction, needles being handed around, different pills being popped, lines being sniffed. It was the kind of environment you liked to think you’d come to flourish in, it made you feel more relaxed then anywhere else on the planet.

You relaxed into the couch, enjoying the spectacle around you and subconsciously taking hits of your vape as you watched the splendour occur around you.

There wasn’t a single legal thing about it, but you didn’t care, there was a cold drink in your hand and the scent of pot and vapour surrounding you, it was the best place to be on the planet.

The night slowly started to fade into a blip as you made your way through more drinks, your body surrendering to the feeling of the alcohol coursing through you and the high slowly starting to fade. You were cautious of the fact that you needed to be home at a certain time, you didn’t want to push your mom’s wishes, you were also aware that you could manage another shoot up before getting yourself home.

“Oi, where can I find some meth.”

Maya had headed somewhere with some boy she knew from highschool and Olivia had left in search of a spot to smoke, leaving you and Scarlett.

“Go find Matt, he’ll hook you up.”

With legs like jelly and a swaying head you stood up from the couch, your vape clutched in one hand and empty bottle in the other. It didn’t take a lot of searching to find the man you’d been introduced to earlier, he was sat on a couch, a girl on either side of him, who both looked about as far gone as they could get without being passed out.

“Pretty girl, what can I do for you.”

You didn’t like the way the term of endearment slid off of his tongue so easily, in almost a condescending way.

“Do you have meth?”

You didn’t care if you were being too straight forward, you were itching for something to get you back 0onto the high that you’d been riding out for the past couple of hours.

“I do, but it’ll cost ya.”

You rolled your eyes, money was hardly a problem for you.

“I’ve got money.”

His head cocked the same way it had earlier.

“I don’t want your money sweetheart, c’mon, I’ll get you some meth.”

The same slippery term of endearment that made your throat hurt. He shook the two girls off of him, standing up with a lot more composure than you and beginning to walk out of the lounge room you were in and towards the staircase. You followed him up, holding onto the banister with everything you had and trying to keep up with him as the both of you arrived at the top and he began walking down a corridor, until he made it to the end and opened up a door.

You assumed it was his bedroom by the looks of it, which made you uncomfortable slightly but you accepted the fact you were craving a fix and he was potentially the only person who could supply it in this moment.

He rummaged through a bedside draw, until he pulled out a syringe and a bottle of what you assumed to be dissolved crystal meth. You’d always kept your distance from needles, it gave you a better high but it was harder to hide and harder to deal with, the powdered form was the least complicated.

You could feel your heartbeat pick up as he beckoned you over, patting for you to sit down on the edge of the bed. You walked over, taking a seat on the bed and watching with curiosity as he prepared the needle, and took your arm in his, securing a rubber tourniquet around your bicep and feeling your skin for a vein. Once he found it he picked the needle up, filling it with a couple of mls of the liquid before bringing it up to your arm, gently inserting it into the vein, sucking in a bit of your blod and watching the red swirl with the drug mix before pushing down on the syringe and inserting it into your blood stream.

It was immediate validation, your head dropping back with ecstasy as the drugs infiltrated your body.

“Feels good doesn’t it, sweetheart.”

You nodded your head, enjoying the sensation of the lingering sting as the needle was pulled from your arm and the tourniquet was untied.

His hands were on your chin, tilting your head up so you were looking at him.

“Now, I think it’s time I get my payment, hmm?”

You took one last breath, enjoying the validation of your high.

“I told you I have money.”

He shook his head and with the smirk on the corner of his lips you couldn’t help but feel slightly worried.

“No, I prefer my payment other ways.”

Even with the alcohol and drugs running through your veins, you couldn’t help but feel sick to your stomach immediately.

You were suddenly frighteningly aware of your position, and undeniably feeling a little bit scared.

“What way?”

You didn’t like how your voice wavered, your age becoming more obvious as you struggled to stomach the different thoughts going through your head.

“I’ll show you.”

His hands moved to your hair, dragging you off the corner of the mattress and onto your knees below him.

You tried to dissasociate it, tried to dissasociate as his hands fell to his belt buckle and fly, tried to disassociate so you didn’t have to think about the million no’s that were banging against your skull and leaving your lips as his fly came undone and he let his pants drop to his feet.

You’d never really expressed your sexuality, you hadn’;t felt the need t, both of your moms were gay, so were most of their friends, you knew no matter who you were dating they’d be happy for you, you knew that whatever this was though you didn’t want it.

With your weary head and drugged up body there wasn’t much fight you could put up as he opened your jaw for you and forced his way inside of you

You tried your hardest to dissasociate like you’d taught yourself, thinking about the high, thinking about the drugs, thinking about your moms, thinking about everything in your life that had once loved you and you’d once loved the same. Normally it worked, normally you trustd yourself to get you to that safe space that made you feel like no matter what was happening you could deal with it, you just couldn’t get it to work though, there were tears streaming down your face as his hands stayed planted in the roots of your hair, the hair a couple of hours ago that your friends had been curling and working on whilst you’d all be laughing.

He didn’t last long, that was something you were grateful for.

As soon as his hands left your hair you were bolting up from the floor, walking as past as your weary legs would let you before anything else happened that you couldn’t stop.

You catapulted your way down the same stairs you’d marched up happily, not paying any attention to the people in the background as you pushed your way out of the front door, breathing in the freezing london air and clinging to the freshness of it and how it cooled the pain in your throat.

You didn’t hesitate calling the uber, the tears on your face spraying down onto your phone screen as you tried your hardest to focus on the task at hand which was getting home and getting as far away from this as possible.

You didn’t care that your mom could track your uber account, you didn’t care that there were thirty unread texts from both of your moms and a couple of phone calls, all you cared about was getting home to your bed and doing whatever it took to forget about what just happened.

The uber was quick enough, you practically threw yourself into the back seat, trying to calm yourself down, but failing miserably.

If your uber driver noticed then he didn’t comment on the fact that you were practically hyperventilating in his backseat.

The car ride home was quicker then you thought it would be, you were so grateful it was an away game night, that you didn’t have to deal with anyone, but you were also secretly crumbling about the fact that you were all alone, that you had been all alone in that room with him, that you had no one to stop him and couldn’t do anything about it.

You were hardly steady on your legs as you unlocked the door with your keys and swayed your way into the living room and then towards the stairs, finding the incline slightly jarring but desperate to get to your room and bed so you could sleep of the horrendous feeling in your gut. High be damned, alcohol be damned, all you wanted was to be asleep, so you partially forget about all of this and hopefully it would fall victim to all of the endorphins in your head and be permanently removed from your brain.

Your room was cold, your window still open, you didn’t care.

All you cared was getting out of the too tight clothes you were in and getting into your bed.

You pulled at the corset, unbothered when you heard the seam ripping as you tugged at it, your skirt was easier. You flung a hoodie and pair of pyjama pants onto your body before climbing straight under your covers, your body shaking. You weren’t sure whether it was because of the high or because of the incessant hatred that had grown in your chest at the memory replaying over and over in your mind.

You clutched onto your vape, holding it in your hand and sucking up hit after hit as you tried to find solace in the flavoured air, hoping it would send you off to sleep.

You woke up with a headache like no other, your whole body hurt, and to the sound of repetitive banging at the front door downstairs.

You groaned out, annoyed at every single part of you for what had happened last night.

Your legs were still wobbly as you clawed your way out of your bed, your legs protesting with every single step you took, out of your room, down the stairs, to the peephole at your door.

Jordan, fuck.

You supposed in your haze it hadn’t been hard to forget about your mother’s appearance for today, you’d been trying desperately to forget so many other things that it must have slipped your mind.

You didn’t want to open the door, but you also knew you had to, so with every last piece of strength that you had in your body, you pulled the door open.

#woso #woso community #sammykworshipper thoughts #leah williamson #arsenal wfc #leah williamson x reader #jordan nobbs #jordan nobbs x reader #trauma #pain #sammykworshipperfics #wobbs breakup #drug addiction #im sad so are u #im not the only one crying #sue me for hurting ur feelings #sick and twisted

436 notes · View notes

radiance1 · 9 months

Text

An off-shoot to an off-shoot!

Danny left the human world for the Ghost Zone, as the Crown Prince he has quite a lot of responsibilities, much more than he would like in all honesty.

He barely even knew there was a high society of the Ghost Zone, some of which he has met and others he's just questioning the existence of.

He was already tired of the amount of marriage proposals he was sent and had to sort through, and there was still 3 more mountains to go!

He was honestly looking forward to the calls from his two best friends when he was finally able to get a break from his duties as prince. Never has the sound of his friends' voices felt oh so sweet.

Sometimes he visits Sam when he managed to convince Pariah, or when there just wasn't any work to be done. He tried to visit Tucker too but, when he tried to leave Amity Park he just... couldn't???

There was something just, stopping him. He couldn't leave, like some kind of barrier that prevented from moving even smidge past the line.

He just left it be.

He heard about Tucker being a villain and decided he wanted in. But since he couldn't leave the boundary of Amity Park for whatever reason, he needed Tucker to plant a series of tidbits of knowledge that'll allow people to summon him.

Tucker very obviously agreed.

But they decided to have a bit of fun here. Tucker- who now goes by Daedalus as his villain name- has history with the Ghost Prince, who is the 'hero' to Daedalus' villain.

Daedalus does not like Phantom and constantly tries to neutralize him, which is a far cry from his usual non-lethal tactics. While Phantom, on the other hand, considers Daedalus to be his best friend and closest consort and often ignores said attempts of neutralization or plays it off.

So Tucker left behind bits and pieces of the knowledge to summon the Ghost Prince in random parts of the city, which are discreetly yet highly guarded. Then overtime certain people began to find those bits and pieces and Daedalus, in regard to such an event has notably gotten more panicky and worried.

With each and every sighting he's in he seemed to be searching for something and used the chaos he brought to search for it. To which the heroes have been taking notice of.

They think that he was searching for something to use for his next plan or something.

Then the Justice League got word of a group of cultists looking to summon the Ghost Prince to take over the mortal world, which they obviously couldn't let happen. So then they locate and find the group of cultists (and as usual in these ideas) they fail to stop the summoning in time.

But as the summoning circle was shinning and the room got colder, someone unexpected showed up.

Daedalus. (Imagen he's in the floaty chair thing that Eggman uses constantly)

Who, surprisingly. Is just a 16 year old. (This takes place in the second year of Sam's little isolation thing.)

Who then proceeded to get irritated and screamed at the cultists about how they managed to find the necessary components to summon that he specifically split into pieces to avoid this situation happening!

Then the Ghost Prince pops into existence, who then calmly looked around the room and then into the sky, his indifferent, cold expression faded away into a bright beaming expression and then went:

"Daedalus! My best buddy!"

And then had to dodge a blast from said villain. Then they proceeded to have a battle, quite- no, very lethal on Daedalus' part and not so much on the Ghost Prince's part.

It was... reminiscent of a dog and cat, really.

Until in the midst of said fight Phantom exclaimed his woes about the Ghost responsibilities and then Daedalus just kinda, stopped trying to kill him and then made Danny explain what problem he has and then gave him the solution to said problem and goes back to fighting.

The Justice League feels like they should intervene here, but they also don't know if they should.

Said problem was solved by Daedalus getting hungry and proposing to stop the fight to go and eat at a food place he knows that's very good. Phantom agrees, claiming that he hasn't had human food in ages and then they go and eat and forget about the Justice League.

Who then questioned why the Prince of Ghosts and the villain that a few of them has been fighting are literal children.

#dc x dp #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #danny phantom #ghost prince danny #tucker foley #justice league

1K notes · View notes

nishik1 · 11 months

Text

you jealous, nishimura?

a nishimura riki smau <33

synopsis- Nishimura Riki and Park Y/N have been friends for years. At first glance, one may think the two are dating when in reality, they are just two best friends who refuse to admit they have crushes on each other! until one day, jealousy drives Nishimura Riki mad.

(basically niki confesses because he gets jealous)

pairing- non idol! nishimura riki x non idol! fem reader

genre- FRIENDS to LOVERS, he fell first she fell harder, high school au, model au, (enhypen are models), brother sunghoon bc why not :)

WARNINGS- this was made for entertainment purposes, this is a pure figment of my imagination. the way the idols are portrayed here is not how i view them!

status: on going!

started- 6/2/23

finished-

taglist: CLOSED (50/50)@en-chantedtomeetyou @yunicide @txtbrainrot @lizzyyaaaaaa @j-wyoung @beomgyusonlywife @spilled-coffee-cup @sungookie @telengraph @yajw @arizejkt19 @iea-tsand @k1ttylvr @solstramaii @soo0mi @jhopesucker @teddywonss @sumarchived @ramenoil @darwics @luvmura @beoms-sugar @haechansbbg @yumilovesloona @s00buwu @r1kitti @veryjeongintxtkid @sunnyglower @m111nho @enhaz1 @jerrykarrot @haechan-nahceah @kpopstanmeg @eloelooo @lunavixia @gyuudai @luvkpopp @yunjinlvrr @gweoriz @wiltspring @nikikids @meiiiwa @jiaant11 @rikizm @enhamysunshines @polarisjisung @cha3w0n-hearts @nhularin @soobs-things @hyunsllvr

(bold cannot be tagged)

ALSO THIS IS MY FIRST SMAU SO BARE WITH ME 😭😭

SPAM LIKE = BLOCKED

NOTES: this smau is going to have the main story, which is YNKI’S love story. as well as the side stories, which are basically like extra stories which I’ll make when I have writers blocks (you don’t have to read the extras they’re just for fun) UNRELEASED CHAPTER NAMES MAY CHANGE!!!

PLEASE DO NOT SPAM LIKE 😭 IM GLAD YOU ENJOY THIS SMAU BUT PLEASE STOP SPAM LIKING!

profiles: ONE (future models??/newjeans) TWO (enha) THREE (enha privs) FOUR (extras)

MAIN STORY

chapters:

1. “we’re just friends”

2. he so likes her.

3. STAY AWAY FROM MY SISTER

4. SHITS GOING DOWN

5. Y/N has W rizz confirmed?

6. huening kai (pt. 1)

7. huening kai (pt.2) smau + written

8. does she like him? smau + written

9. jealouski

10. yeah, i do. smau + written

11. FINALLY!!

12. NEW JEANS!! smau + written

13. project YNKi

14. convincing Eunchae

15. Hong Eunchae?

16. jealous jealous jealous girl~ smau + written

17. shes in denial

18. why must feelings feel? smau + written

19. acceptance smau + written

20. and they’re back

21. arcade!

22. Riki’s got competition smau + written

23. jealouski sensing are tingling smau + written

24. Welcome Jeongin!

25. GET HIM OUT 👺👺

26. its working 😈

27. HES LITERALLY HOWL⁉️

28. drama queen 🙄

29. bold Riki?!

30. SHITS GETTING A BIT TOO REAL

31. putting two and two together smau+ written

32. HAERIN YOU IDIOT

33. i missed you smau + written

34. i’m not okay (coming soon)

tba…

SIDE STORIES

chapters:

1. Niki and Eunchae’s hangout! (coming soon)smau + written

2. Jeongins event! (coming soon) smau+written

1K notes · View notes

rhaenella · 4 months

Note

idk if ur reqs are open but im obsessed with ur account. i was wondering if u could do a smau of any driver (other than danny ric) x pbr!reader. like shes the only woman to ever compete at NFR in bull riding. shes also 19 and doesnt ride with a helmet (just a cowboy hat) shes also like yhe biggest rodeo barbie you could imagine.

Firstly, I’m sorry it took me so long to get to work on your request, end of the year stuff and other wips got in the way 🫠 Anyways, I decided on Max for this because I almost immediately thought of him and his little Texas outfit 🥰 Also, I have to admit that my (non-American) knowledge of professional bull riding consisted primarily of The Longest Ride so excuse any inaccuracies, but I tried my best to read up on it! That being said, I hope it’s to your liking :)

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

MV1 | Season of Champions

pairing: max verstappen x pbr!reader

genre: social media au

summary: you and max are each other's biggest supporters as max tries to secure his 3rd world championship title, whilst you're fighting for your 1st in a previously all male dominated sport

masterlist

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

Liked by wagsf1, user3 and 135,092 others

mv.y/nupdates: Tomorrow our girl can secure one of the few select spots in the NFR finals!!! Unfortunately Max can’t be there due to his own race in Qatar, but we’ll be sure to cheer them both on ❤️

View all 712 comments

user1: they’re gonna kill it on both sides of the atlantic

user2: POWER COUPLE

user3: omg i hope y/n wins 🙏 she deserves this so much

user4: my alarm is set for 4 am to support y/n 🫡

user5: are you taking a nap between their races??

user4: lol obviously

user5: same 😂 it’s a tough life stanning max & y/n

7 October

Liked by y/n, mv.y/nupdates and 112,363 others

pbr: y/n y/l/n becomes the first woman in history to qualify for the NFR finals in Las Vegas in December! Congrats on this incredible achievement, y/n. See you in Sin City⚡️

View all 674 comments

user6: OMG SHE DID IT ❤️❤️❤️

user7: i’m so proud of her, i’ve literally been here since day 1

user8: remember when she used to do rodeo and everyone told her she could never go into pbr… look at her NOW 🔥

user9: she gave her hat to the little girl in the front row 😭❤️

user10: yep i cried

user11: y/n is not only the best, she is the SWEETEST

8 October

Liked by maxverstappen1, carlossainz55 and 805,298 others

y/n: There aren’t words to describe how it feels to finally have my childhood dream come true. I’m not gonna lie, it was a tough road, especially as a female in this industry. Working my way up through rodeo to where I am today: a NFR finalist!! It’s a real pinch me moment… Little me would be ecstatic (just like present me 🙈) To all the other little girls that share the same passion & dream, it’s possible! Never stop believing in yourself ❤️ Now, let’s get that trophy!!!

View all 3,238 comments

maxverstappen1: My girl 😍 You’ve 100% got this 💪

y/n: Thank you baby 🥰 But first, Texas!

landonorris: GET INNN

Liked by y/n

lewishamilton: Legend in the making 🤍

Liked by y/n

user12: you’re gonna inspire so many girls to follow their dreams 🧡

user13: ✨role model✨

user14: soooo… idk if anyone’s seen the other finalists but she’s going to absolutely annihilate the competition just saying

user15: fr, they ain’t ready

8 October

Liked by user16, user17 and 658,512 others

f1: Howdy, y’all, it’s race week 🤠 Austin, here we come! 🇺🇸

View all 520 comments

y/n: Looking sharp sheriffs!

carlossainz55: Muchas gracias

charles_leclerc: Have to look our best this weekend, don’t we?

y/n: I wonder who for 🤔

charles_leclerc: 😉

user16: UHM FLIRTY MUCH??

user17: easy there sharl, she’s taken 💀

user18: cota the soap opera, i’m here for it

16 October

Liked by maxverstappen1, redbullracing and 778,543 others

y/n: Switching my bull gear for that other bull gear 💙 COTA LET’S GOOO

View all 2,160 comments

maxverstappen1: Blue looks good on you

Liked by y/n

danielricciardo: Yeeeeehaaawwww

redbullracing: Team Bull. Always.

y/n: Hell yeah!!

user19: you can pull off literally anything 😍

user20: y/n is at cota this weekend!!!!!

user21: omfg finally some y/n & max content

user22: we’ve been STARVED

user21: exactly 🥲

user23: GIRL WAIT YOU SWITCHED TO THE CAP??

y/n: Don’t worry!! It was only for the pic 😊

user23: oh thank god

18 October

y/n's story

Seen by landonorris, alex_albon and 2,436,712 others

19 October

Liked by y/n, victoriaverstappen and 728,451 others

maxverstappen1: Austin ready 🇺🇸💪

View all 1,934 comments

y/n: There were so many cool hats to choose from but he insisted on wearing mine…😈

landonorris: Initiating the cowboy hat rule just in time before the race… Clever girl

alex_albon: Oooohh everybody watch out

schecoperez: 😂😂😂

y/n: You know it ;)

maxverstappen1: Wait what?

landonorris: Nothing, mate 🤠 You’ll find out soon enough

user24: BYEEEE AHAHAHA

user25: y/n and the whole grid ganging up on max 😭

user26: he’s so oblivious i love it

19 October

Liked by sophiekumpen, redbullracing and 654,281 others

f1: VERSTAPPEN WINS AT COTA! 🏆

View all 2,017 comments

user27: 🔥🔥🔥

user28: the goat does it again

user29: little sad that max didn’t wear the cowboy hat on the podium tho

user30: lmao y/n is probably as well

22 October

Liked by maxverstappen1, alex_albon and 768,311 others

y/n: WHAT. A. WEEKEND. 15th win of the season & 50th altogether!!!🥇Proud of you Maxie 😘😘

View all 2,108 comments

maxverstappen1: Love you 😘

user31: MAXIE??? i’m sobbing

user32: i need to know all her nicknames for him NOW

user33: and i need her to be at every one of his races

user34: same she fitted right in with the crew in the pitbox, joking around and everything :’)

user33: truly one of the few wags who are actually into the sport…

22 October

Liked by y/n, danielricciardo and 734,161 others

maxverstappen1: It’s incredible to win my 50th Grand Prix here today. I feel very proud to achieve this! Amazing job by everyone in the team 👏 And special thank you to y/n, the hat indeed brought us luck!

View all 1,998 comments

y/n: Always trust the hat, you should wear it more often

maxverstappen1: Unfortunately we cannot all break the helmet rules

y/n: 🙄

user35: lmao y/n is like you either die trying or you don’t try at all

user36: she has an aesthetic to look after 💅🏼

y/n: 🤣 You got it!

user36: OMG OMG

user37: BROOO

user38: well at least we’ve got that confirmed now

22 October

y/n's story

Seen by charles_leclerc, fernandoalo_oficial and 2,766,192 others

23 October

y/n's story

Seen by lewishamilton, charles_leclerc and 2,541,384 others

23 October

Liked by user39, user40 and 31,476 others

mv1jet: Verstappen’s jet just touched ground! 🛬 Nevada, United States of America 🇺🇸

View all 508 comments

user39: oh god everyone get ready

user40: this can only mean 1 thing

user41: MAX EMILIAN VERSTAPPEN, 3-TIME F1 WORLD CHAMPION, COMING TO SUPPORT HIS GIRL AT THE BIGGEST PBR EVENT OF THE YEAR HELLO YES I AM SAT

28 November

Liked by mv.y/nupdates, pbr and 275,021 others

wranglernfr: Today marks the start of the 65th NFR Finals! Newcomer and fan favorite y/n y/l/n has a good shot at winning the championship this week. However, will she decide to adhere to the mandatory helmet regulations or will she risk disqualification and still wear her self-proclaimed good luck hat? We’ll find out soon, folks. Stay tuned!

View all 1,454 comments

user42: i bet she keeps to her aesthetic

user43: oh def, she basically said it herself already

user44: but but but would they really disqualify her when she wins…??

user45: technically it is against the rules to ride without a helmet during the nfr’s so… yeah they might

user44: 😥😥

user46: please y/n don’t jeopardize it all 😩

2 December

maxverstappen1's story

Seen by landonorris, schecoperez and 3,014,839 others

11 December

Liked by maxverstappen1, mv.y/nupdates and 301,294 others

wranglernfr: NFR 2023 Champion y/n y/l/n⚡️Despite sticking to her famous but controversial cowboy hat, y/n becomes the 65th winner in Las Vegas at just nineteen, beating the runnerup and last year’s champion Billy Youngster!

View all 1,778 comments

user47: SHE DID IT!!!! 💪🔥

user48: i’m bursting with pride i’m so happy for her 🥰🥰🥰

mv.y/nupdates: two world champions this is almost too good to be true 😭❤️

user49: their christmas is gonna be one helluva party

user50: well deserved, that billy kid had it coming

user51: he only won last year because of dumb luck!

user52: FACTS

user53: this year we have a winner who’s worthy of the title ❤️

user54: can’t get over how y/n was so far up ahead they literally couldn’t disqualify her for the hat thing lol

user55: imagine if they had, people would have rioted

user54: omg they would have, with max at the front hoisting his pitchfork in the air, leading the pack

user55: 😂😂

11 December

Liked by maxverstappen1, fernandoalo_oficial and 1,219,748 others

y/n: Cowboy hat + racing gloves = champions of the world 🏆

View all 4,193 comments

maxverstappen1: ❤️

sophiekumpen: So proud of both of you 🥰

victoriaverstappen: Coolest auntie (en oom natuurlijk🙊)!!!

Liked by y/n

landonorris: Congrats on making champion, champ!!! And wow… Max has got his own hat 👀

y/n: Yup! He deserved it after his triple US win 😍

charles_leclerc: Does this mean that your hat claim has lifted…?

maxverstappen1: Unless you want another inchident, back off

y/n: Uhm... He knows what it means now…

charles_leclerc: 😳

alex_albon: RIP Charles Marc Hervé Perceval Leclerc 🪦

Liked by maxverstappen1 and y/n

12 December

Liked by y/n, landonorris and 1,182,853 others

maxverstappen1: Wear the hat…

Comments have been disabled

12 December

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

a/n: translation of “en oom natuurlijk” > “and uncle ofcourse”

Happy holidays! x

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

#request #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen x pbr reader #max verstappen x female reader #max verstappen x y/n #max verstappen x you #f1 x reader #formula 1 x reader #f1 x y/n #max verstappen smau #max verstappen fake instagram #max verstappen fake social media #formula 1 smau #formula 1 fanfic #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen fic #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen blurb #season of champions

748 notes · View notes

fiannalover · 7 months

Text

The thing about Nazuna is. He never catches a break. He was a church choir singer. He had a chuuni phase. The school Casanova thought he was a girl and hit on him. His height capped at 160 when he was 16. His voice changed when he was 16. He was emotionally and physically and lowkey sexually harassed by his boss (don't cancel the boss tho it's complicated). He coped with the above by going non-verbal. All this happened while he was the lead singer of his unit btw. The most important performance of his life was sabotaged and everyone found out he was lip syncing. He left his unit and the local theater kid immediately made him a single father of 3. Two of his kids have anxiety and the last one ADHD. He joined the Broadcast Club so The Sabotage would never happen again but the club has a whopping 2 other members, both of which have anxiety and are his juniors, so he might as well be sharing custody of them as well. He gets a lisp when he is angry which is bad because he is So Angry All The Time and it makes him look more like a kid. His new unit's debut show had an audience of two (2) people. They got flat broke from this. He spent his entire third year of high school jobbing. He was the second oldest student in school and his first year kids were all taller than him anyway. His ex-coworker directs all his misplaced anger towards him. He's in college. He got dragged out of his break and into the most important idol event of the year due to fan demand and is Completely out of practice. He moves into the company dorms because hey free housing and is assigned the dynamic of stopping Roommate A from convincing Roommate B to eat chalk. No matter what Nito does things just Keep Happening and it's honestly a miracle he didn't stab someone yet

#ensemble stars #nazuna nito

801 notes · View notes

kyemna · 3 months

Text

Alastor with a non-biological teenager who died in the 80's

This is kind of based on some headcanons I posted earlier. I wanted to include some in the story, so here it is!

Again, i made him a softy here, to come for my throat😞

I apologize if there are any grammar mistakes.

TW: Mentions of death

It was strange, dying. Apparently there's a whole process that happens after..

Standing in Hell when you 'wake up'..

Processing, and finding a place to live.

Getting kicked out of that place, because they find out you lied about your age, and now living on the streets.

A girl finding out you live on the streets, and you discovering she's the Princess of Hell.

She invites you to stay at her hotel, rent free, but in exchange, you have to rehabilitate. Okay, do-able right? Wrong.

Finding out the radio demon stays at that EXACT Hotel.

The demon you wanted to avoid the most.

Sighing and accepting the fact that your stuck with him.

So, there you were. A 16 year old, standing in the door opening of the hotel, ready to be Rehabilitated.

Charlie, the girl you met on the streets, walks up to you and shakes your hand enthusiasticly.

"Welcome (y/n)!! We're so happy to have you here!" She smiles widely.

You awkwardly smile back at her.

"Thanks for taking me in.. i really do appreciate it."

"Ofcourse, it's no problem. We need more guests here anyways so, your helping me out more than your aware." She drags you inside the hotel, introducing you to the staff.

"Everyone this is (y/n), our first ever teenager at the Hotel! (y/n), this is, Vaggie, Husk, Angel Dust, Nifty, Sir Pentious, and Alastor"

You looked at everyone taking in their appearances and names.

You make eye contact with Alastor, his usual grin widens, as he tilts his head a little to the left.

"Nice.. to meet you all." You smile a little.

Alastor spoke. "So, how old are you, dear?"

Taken off-guard by him actually speaking to you, you answer.

"16."

"When did you die?" Angel dust asks.

"1983" you answer, again.

Angel whistles.

"How did you die?" He asks.

You stayed quiet for a moment.

"I drowned." Your grip on your bag tightens.

"Charlie, can you show me to my room, please? I need some time to... take it all in"

She nods, leading you upstairs.

Alastors gaze follows you.

"Wow, well done Angel. Asking a teenager how they died. real smooth." Vaggie says.

"How was I supposed to know it would upset them?"

"I don't know.. common sense?"

He rolls his eyes.

Charlie opens the door to your room, as you both step in.

"Take your time to get settled in, there's no hurry. Breakfast is at 8:30, lunch at 12:00 and dinner at 18:00 (6:00). There's also a meeting tommorow morning at 10 but you don't have to come to that if you don't want to." She smiles, leaving your room.

You sigh, and plop down on your bed.

You turn to your left, being met by Alastor staring at you.

You scream, rolling off the bed.

"What the hell, Alastor?" You say, loudly.

"My apologies, dear. I just noticed something was wrong when you spoke about the way you died. Now, i'm no therapist, but I am a good listener.

Would you like to talk about it?"

You inhaled sharply

"What's there to say? I was fighting somebody off near a pool. I killed his friend. He pushed me in, and he drowned me. That's all there is."

He hummed as you stand back up, and start unpacking.

"Did you know him?"

"Not really.. I went to school with him but that's all." He nods, as he stands up, taking the shirt you had in your hands, and folding it properly for you.

"If you need a hand with anything, just ask" He says, leaving your room.

The next morning you wake up at 7:00 am.

You sit up, as you heard a knock on your door.

"Come in" you say, yawning.

Alastor opens, enters, and closes the door.

"Charlie asked me to help you get settled i-" He stops and looks at you, noticing your hair. "-in." He stays silent for a moment before speaking again.

"My goodness, you look an absolute mess, dear."

You roll your eyes, laying back down.

He walks towards the curtains and opens them, light cutting off your vision for a few seconds. You groan.

"Time to get up, we have a trip to make." He lays an outfit on the end of your bed.

"Meet me downstairs in 15 minutes."

He exits your room again.

"Strange guy" you mumble, getting out of bed.

"And make your bed!" he says loudly from the hall.

"Okay, dad" you yell back, sarcastically. That came out quicker than you wanted it to. You hoped he didn't hear it. With no response, you assumed he didn't.

You get dressed, brush your teeth, do your hair, and all in a hurry since you only had 15 minutes.

You run downstairs, noticing yourself in the mirror. Your wearing a white button-up shirt, with a dark blue skirt that reaches to your calfs, a pair of low black heels and a black hat, with lace. Not to big.

You weren't used to dressing so.. conservative.

Alastor was already waiting at the door.

"17 minutes. your late."

"Oh, whatever. It's only two minutes."

You say, straighting your skirt, hearing a quick static sound of irritation.

He sighs and opens the door for you.

"Thank you." You step outside, the cold wind hitting your skin, as you breathed it in.

You two were walking in silence when Alastor spoke.

"We'll be going to Cannibal town, where we'll be meeting a friend of mine. I need to ask a favour of her, and I wanted you to tag along, so you could get accustomed to Hell."

"What kind of favour?" You asked, looking up at him.

"I'm afraid that's none of your concern, dear."

You hummed in response, looking around, trying to memorize some of the streets.

"Alastor, when were you born?" You ask.

"1893, January 1st. Why do you ask?"

You whistle, a little surprised.

"No reason, just curious.."

You guys arrived at Cannibal town.

Everyone looked so old fashioned.

You realised why Alastor picked this outfit for you. You blend right in.

You two enter a small communal building.

He waves at a woman.

"Oh my stars. Do my eyes deceive me? Alastor, it's been ages!" She walks up to us, kissing him on the cheek.

"And who's this? Come now Alastor, she's much to young for you. I'm just kidding, I know your an ace in the hole." you snicker.

"A what now?" He asked, confused.

"I think she means ase-sexual, Alastor."

"Yes, that!" The woman says, snapping her fingers.

"I'm Rosie, dear. What's your name?" She smiles.

"I'm (y/n), ma'am, nice to meet you."

She gasps softly, laying her hand on her chest.

"A pleasure meeting you, dear. So polite. Alastor you could learn a thing or two from her." She says, laying her hand on your shoulder and taking us to a table.

You wiggle your eyebrows at Alastor, grinning. He rolls his eyes.

"So what can I do for you two?" She asked.

"It's better I discuss this with you privately, Rosie." Alastor says.

She nods, turning to me.

"You can wait here, Dear. We'll be right back" she smiles, as they enter her office.

An hour later, they came back out, laughing.

"Sorry it took so long, we got a little carried away" Rosie apologized.

"It's okay" you said, standing up.

"Thank you for your hospitality, Rosie."

Alastor thanked her.

She waved it away.

"No need to thank me, Al. It's always a pleasure having you around. See you next time!"

We both smiled at her as we left.

"So.." i started. "What did you two talk about..?"

He raised his eyebrow.

"I'm still not telling you."

You shrug. "Worth a shot"

You two got back to the Hotel, and had dinner with the rest of the staff.

At 23:00 (11:00) you stumbled upstairs, exhausted from your long day.

You opened the door to your room, and kicked off your shoes, falling onto your bed, immediately dozing off.

Alastor entered your room, about to say something, when he noticed you were asleep. He sighed softly, walking over to you. He gently picked you up, laying your head on your pillow and tucking you in.

Maybe this wasn't so bad after all...

Thank you for reading!

#x reader #hazbin alastor #alastor x reader #hazbin hotel x reader #fluff #alastor #hazbin hotel

381 notes · View notes

religion-is-a-mental-illness · 22 days

Text

By: Christina Buttons

Published: Apr 4, 2024

[ Figure 2: Representative images of Hematoxylin and Eosin-stained sections of testicular tissue biopsied from the testis from GD patients (A) with and (B) without PB exposure. ]

In a groundbreaking study from the Mayo Clinic, a globally recognized leader in medical research and patient care, researchers examined the effects of puberty blockers on testicular development in gender dysphoric male children. Their investigation revealed evidence of mild to severe atrophy in the sex glands of these children, leading the authors to express doubt in the claims of “reversibility” often made about puberty blockers.

The authors assert, “We provide unprecedented histological evidence revealing detrimental pediatric testicular sex gland responses to [puberty blockers].”

This preprint study, not yet peer-reviewed, presents evidence that puberty blockers induce significant cellular changes, impacting testicular development and sperm production in ways that are not fully reversible, with potentially permanent effects on testicular function and fertility. It challenges the longstanding view of puberty blockers as a reversible "pause button" on puberty.

As noted by the researchers of this study, no long-term studies exist for the use of puberty blockers in the context of stopping puberty for gender dysphoric children, and many potential health consequences remain unknown. In particular, the long-term impact on reproductive health is uncertain, making this study critical for filling this knowledge gap.

To address these unknowns, the Mayo Clinic has established the largest collection of testicular samples for patients aged 0-17 years, including those with gender dysphoria who have and have not yet received puberty blocker treatment, creating a database of over 130,000 individual cells for analysis.

Using a novel approach, the research team meticulously analyzed testicular tissue samples from youths undergoing puberty blocker treatment, with those not on puberty blocker treatment serving as controls. This comparison provides important insights into the potential cellular and molecular changes induced by these drugs.

Key Findings

The study utilized the Mayo Clinic's Pediatric Testicular Biobank for Fertility Preservation, which has been recruiting patients primarily from pediatric urology departments since 2015. Researchers analyzed testicular specimens from 87 young individuals (ages 0-17) undergoing fertility preservation surgery for various health reasons. Among these, 16 were gender dysphoric boys between the ages of 10 and 16, all of whom began identifying as transgender girls between the ages of 2 and 15. At the time of surgery, 9 patients (56%) were already on puberty blockers, with exposure ranging from 3 to 52 months. The authors noted that 100% of the 16 children would eventually go on to take them, highlighting “the widespread nature of PB intervention in this demographic.”

Among nine patients treated with puberty blockers, two exhibited unusual features in their testicles upon physical examination. One patient had abnormalities in both testicles, including incomplete development of the tunica albuginea, which is a protective covering around the testicles. The other patient had a right testicle that was difficult to detect.

In one part of the tissue-level analysis, over 400 testicular biopsy samples were analyzed and stained to examine the differences between those treated with puberty blockers and those who were not. Comparisons showed that testicular development in those treated with puberty blockers was abnormal compared to non-treated individuals. There was variability in how individuals responded to puberty blockers, leading to different outcomes in testicular development, including the degeneration of testicular tissues.

The study authors presented a case of a 12-year-old patient who underwent treatment with puberty blockers for 14 months. In this individual, 59% of the sex glands showed complete atrophy, along with the presence of microlithiasis—a condition where small clusters of calcium form in the testicles. This insight suggests that puberty blockers could lead to lasting structural changes. Additionally, research has shown a link between testicular microlithiasis and testicular cancer.

[ D) Representative images of normal (top) and fully atrophied sex gland (bottom). ]

This study also utilized single-cell analysis to investigate the effects of puberty blockers and aging on testicular cell composition. It took a very detailed look at individual cells from the testicles of a 14-year-old who had been on puberty blockers for over 4 years. The study analyzed a total of 130,100 cells, including 11,199 cells from the juvenile puberty blocker-treated patient.

The study observed that over 90% of the cells responsible for sperm production in this patient were stunted at an early developmental stage, unable to progress further. Additionally, it found "pathologically" higher and lower levels of two types of support cells (Sertoli cells) necessary for healthy sperm development. These findings suggest that puberty blockers can disrupt the normal maturation process of cells critical for sperm production.

In another part of the analysis, the authors found distinct cell-specific changes, including altered expression patterns of puberty-associated genes in endothelial cells, due to puberty blocker treatment. The authors believe that these drugs might induce juvenile testicular atrophy in part by disrupting the normal function of testicular endothelial cells.

Another aspect of the study focused on examining the effects of puberty blockers on the genetic activity of early-stage sperm cells, revealing significant changes that could potentially influence their development and fertility. By analyzing the activity of specific genes within these cells, the researchers found that puberty blockers may have caused alterations in gene expression, affecting processes crucial for the normal growth and function of these cells. This analysis suggests that the use of puberty blockers in gender dysphoric youth could have lasting implications for their reproductive health, particularly by impacting the ability of these early-stage sperm cells to mature properly.

Study Impact

Puberty blockers are increasingly used as a treatment for gender dysphoric youth to halt the development of secondary sex characteristics, such as breast development and widening of hips in females, or the growth of facial hair and deepening of the voice in males. Thousands of children in the United States are placed on this medical pathway as part of the gender-affirming model of care, under the presumption that these drugs are safe and fully reversible.

However, many aspects of the long-term consequences of puberty blockers, which have been administered to children off-label in an experimental manner, remain unknown. This study contributes valuable insights into the potential irreversible harm these treatments can cause to bodily and reproductive functions.

Arguably, the most critical finding is the evidence of mild to severe sex gland atrophy in children treated with puberty blockers. This atrophy signifies potential damage or impairment to the structures essential for sperm production, raising serious concerns about the long-term fertility impacts of these drugs for these individuals.

Given the Mayo Clinic's esteemed reputation in the medical and research communities, should the study pass peer review without any issues, its findings will carry significant weight.

Broader Implications

Puberty blockers belong to a group of synthetic gonadotropin-releasing hormone (GnRH) analogues. These drugs act on the pituitary gland to hinder the release of chemical signals that typically trigger the production of estrogen and testosterone. Historically GnRH analogues were used to treat conditions such as prostate cancer, fibroids, and endometriosis and, in some cases, as a measure to chemically castrate sex offenders.

In children, puberty blockers prevent the natural changes of puberty driven by sex hormones and have been used to treat central precocious puberty, a condition where a child begins to sexually mature much earlier than usual. In gender dysphoria, puberty blockers are administered experimentally, lacking long-term testing.

Notably, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has not approved puberty blockers and sex hormones for use in pediatric gender care. No clinical trials have substantiated the safety of these drugs for such non-approved applications and manufacturers of puberty blockers have repeatedly declined to conduct safety trials for their use on this cohort.

While puberty-blocking drugs are often promoted as “safe,” "reversible" and a "pause button" on puberty, these characterizations seem to stem from their approved use for treating central precocious puberty in younger children, not their burgeoning off-label use for managing gender dysphoria in adolescents.

Past studies have indicated possible negative effects on bone density and brain health. There is also a concern that these drugs might solidify gender dysphoria in adolescents, potentially leading them down a lifelong road of biomedical interventions. Following reports in 2016 of suicidal ideation in children administered puberty blockers, the FDA instructed drug manufacturers to include a warning about potential psychiatric issues on the drugs' labels.

Puberty blockers are increasingly administered to adolescents at Tanner Stage 2, the first signs of puberty. Research shows administering puberty blockers at this stage, followed by cross-sex hormones, may result in infertility, sterility, and sexual dysfunction. Furthermore, they inhibit the development of mature male genitalia, making it difficult to create a pseudovagina in the event of a later vaginoplasty due to a lack of sufficient tissue.

The National Health Service England recently announced it would no longer prescribe puberty blockers to youth outside of research settings and closed down its only national clinical service for pediatric gender medicine, following a review that deemed the service "not safe.”

Several European countries, including Sweden, Finland, the UK, Denmark, and Norway have updated their guidelines for youth transition to align with systematic evidence reviews, the gold standard in evidence-based medicine. These reviews concluded that the risks associated with youth transition outweigh any purported benefits. Consequently, these countries have implemented restrictions on medical interventions, prioritizing psychotherapy as a first-line response for minors experiencing gender-related distress.

They're sterilizing boys and giving them cancer. When "god" does it, we call him evil. When humans do it, we call it "gender affirming care."

#Christina Buttons #puberty blockers #atrophy #medical scandal #medical malpractice #medical corruption #sterilization #fertility #irreversible #gender affirming care #gender affirming healthcare #gender affirmation #queer theory #gender ideology #gender identity ideology #intersectional feminism #religion is a mental illness

188 notes · View notes

h34rtbeat · 21 days

Text

BAD RELIGION

pairings: na jaemin x afab!reader

warnings: blasphemy, oral (f receiving), misogyny, purity culture, hard use of gender roles, dubious content (bordering non-con)

a/n: i’m back🤞��pls send in ur asks and requests i feel shitty and need to write. make sure to check rules since they have changed!

born and raised, surrounded by ideology that made no sense to those who weren’t involved. skirts that went below your knees, paired with pitch black tights that left no doubt of how your family felt about ‘those’ teenage girls.

cross hanging from your neck, you felt as if you were crucified as well.

every. single. moment. was. gods.

it was not yours, no, never yours. it was the heavenly fathers, for him to decide your fate, not you, not anyone else. yet, it seemed twisted into men deciding it for you, rather than you for yourself.

life has seemed to regulate a new rule every year. when you were 12, you were not allowed to wear that nail polish.

13, no shorts that short!

14, no concealer!

15, a smack on the hand for even thinking of uttering a word of a shorter skirt!

16, a slap to the face for breathing words of sin to another being. as time continued, they just became stricter and stricter.

your mother only watching as her modesty prevailed— beauty in a sea of blood.

a bead of sweat rolled down your neck as it was heating up. the cramped bible study room not allowing for any breath to be shared unless it went up and above.

those shorts your parents hated would’ve been useful.

a pit formed in your stomach, how you dreaded such times. winter was okay with those unfashionable clothes, but heavens above, you couldn’t have fun in summer.

you left he class early, finishing your prayers as soon as you could. though none were sincere, there was one that was nearly the truth.

“please, father, give me your strength.” you didn’t desire strength or power. you just wanted summer shorts.

but, you knew what your mother would say.

“it’s impure!” her offended— almost scream-like voice resonated in your skull as you stepped on the pavement to head home. your legs were burning up. your neck still burned.

her hand slapping your neck, ushering you to stir faster.

your uncles would be visiting soon, why the hell weren’t you cooking faster?

now, as you walk home in the heat, you’re reminded again. this was not yours to choose, nor would it ever be. you had no idea of what surprise your father had planned for you at home.

he seems like everyone else. a churchboy, a gleaming smile, and that cross also hanging around his neck.

you felt your stomach churn, as you shook hands.

“my name is jaemin..” he muttered, through a smile. was that also gods smile? you didn’t know, or bother asking. he smiled and smelled like a god, is all you could register.

you replied with your name, releasing his hand as quick as it came. was he close with your father? oh, he was a family friend from what you could see.

“stop staring and go to the kitchen.” your father patted your shoulder, making your body stiffen. your necklace jingling as you walked into the kitchen.

stirring some mixture of whatever it was that your mom called it, you caught yourself before your mind could wander.

your ears listened diligently, catching bits and pieces of your father, his parents conversation. he seemed to stay quiet. it felt like a slap to the face hearing his mother brag on about jaemins girlfriend. or whatever she was— his mother described the woman being someone jaemin had a keen interest in.

you didn’t know it was you.

thus, the thoughts wandered. was he really so different? what was so different about him that it allowed this?

how could he have a loved one, wasn’t it gods choice? was that what liberation was?

after pressing enough dough into small balls for your mother, she pressed them on the stove, making them into flat tortillas. then, you had to go check on the slow cooker, was the meat ready?

then, your actions halted when you saw that man step into the kitchen, that same smile plastered on his face.

“I hope i’m not interrupting..” he chimed, walking over to your mother, “these look wonderful.. are you sure there’s nothing i can help you with?”

“oh, no honey! it’s my and my daughters duty to do this, please, i assure you, go sit back down with your father!” your mother ushered, patting him on his shoulder.

your mothers tone was so sweet, your finger almost twitched as you chopped some carrots. she was so willing to give her gratitude to anyone but you.

“if you say so, ma’am.” his eyes crinkled in interest, he knew your mother was going to say that. jaemin knew what families like yours were like. only hearing a daughter— he could already predict what they thought of you.

though the bible states everything is pure born, jaemin knew. he knew your parents thought you were tainted from both. why?

because the existence of a woman is a sin to those heavily involved in church.

he saw the way your eyes lingered on your mother, the way your knife slipped and you slit across your palm on accident.

“ow!” you reeled back, and instead of pain from your injury; jaemin saw it. the fear instilled by your parents- not the holy figure. your hand shook.

“oh..” your mother feigned faux concern, nearly shoving you to the sink to clean your wound, “she’s just so clumsy, isn’t she?”

you felt a lump in your throat. though you tried as you might, you could feel your throat tighten, the space seeming more cramped. you grabbed a towel, running off to the bathroom.

jaemin didn’t miss a beat. following after your panicked state, he watched as you closed the door. you didn’t lock it. his eyes narrowed, smile faltering.

you really had his interest this time.

you were so interesting— pure as ever. the way the blood trickled, he could only imagine.

his hand on the doorknob, he checked to see how far he was from the table. though, even if he was close, he doubts your parents would care.

they were so willing in handing you off without your knowledge.

your eyes widened in panic as he walked in.

“w-what are you doing here!?” your voice was meek, scared. he liked that. jaemins smile returned, as he went behind you.

“you didn’t lock the door. I figured you needed help anyway. that wound looks.. pretty bad.” his voice was smooth, calm. though his eyes were at the wound, his calm smile prevailed.

you didn’t say anything in response, even as he was behind you. his arms reached over, moving your non wounded hand away.

“I’ll help.” you paused, only making it easier for him. his soft hands were cleaning your wound.

you felt heat rise to your cheeks, averting your gaze nervously. he chuckled softly, leaning his chin on your shoulder.

“why.. is your head there?” you inquired, as his warm body was now even closer. you prayed that he couldn’t hear the way your heart beat.

“it gives me a better view, when i’m standing like this.” his response was plain and simple, you couldn’t fault him for it. maybe it really did give him a better view.

your lips parted to protest, but his movements had no intent of malice. if you did protest, it would show how impure your thoughts truly were.

“th-thank you.” you muttered, as he stepped back. you patted the wound with the towel, hissing softly.

“no biggie.. after all, you’re…” his eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

“…hurt.” he finished. he wanted to confess and say ‘mine’, since— your parents did say that. but, he felt that letting you find out on your own would be better.

he softly grabbed your waist, moving your body to sit on the toilet lid.

he looked in the drawers, pulling out the first aid kit. he kneeled, your body was so warm. you were too shy to say anything when he grabbed you in such a way.

you looked away, as he wraps the bandage tape around the palm of your hand.

“it’s a shame this happened,” he mumbled through focus. “since you have such nice hands.”

you felt your blood rush. you weren’t complimented often, never so freely either. he said it with such ease, he genuinely meant it.

jaemin peaked up at you, curiousity in your gaze, possession in his.

“never been complimented like that before?” he probed, closing the first aid kit.

“n..no.” you managed to stammer out. he made you feel nervous, looking down at your hand.

he laughed softly, kneeling back down. he grabbed your hands with his, his chin resting on your covered thighs. this was strange— he was strange! it was too much, you just met him and he’s doing all of this!

“I think i’m fine now. we should get back out there, your parents will start to won-“ he tugged your hands softly yet with enough force that it lunged your body down.

“no. they’ll be fine. i’m pretty sure your parents don’t want to see you after that anyway. what’s the rush?”

he was right. your parents would be upset if you did come back out. silence hung over you and jaemin, as you just stared into his eyes.

“did your parents tell you?” jaemin suddenly broke the silence.

“tell me what?” you pulled back, sitting normally again.

you didn’t even notice how much closer he was getting to your heat, the way he’d rubbed his cheek on your thighs.

“…that you belong to me now.”

your eyes widened in so many emotions— shock, horror, surprise, anger. most of all.. betrayal. all those years of punishments, slaps… your knuckles red and swollen from the ruler smacking down on them at church; just to be given to a man you didn’t know.

maybe he just wanted to scare you, but you couldn’t say anything. the worst part is— he wasn’t lying. you knew, at some point..

you’d be like your mom, given to a man.

“no words, hm? I guess I’d feel that way too..” he mutters, his voice full of pity but his eyes full of something else.

“you know, our heavenly father is watching over us in heaven. jaemins tone was mocking, nearly taunting you.

“do you think he chose this fate for you? all those years of devotion, all wasted because you’re someone’s property now.”

you felt tears brim at your eyes, wanting to be angry. to rebuke, yell, scream kick.

you couldn’t. you just couldn’t. his hand rubbed soothingly on your covered legs. the position made it seem like he was worshipping you.

he wanted this. he wanted your purity. you said nothing- and he’ll grant you that. your time to accept.

he didn’t stop, though. his hands wandering down, rubbing your calves under the skirt.

“you’re so soft…” he praised, he blushed, turned on already by your soft skin.

“stop that.. what are you doing?” wearily protesting did nothing to falter him.

“shhh. let me have what’s mine.” jaemin cooed, relishing in the feeling of your warm skin.

you stifled back hot tears that spilled.

“oh, nono, baby.. don’t cry.” his hands delved, going to your thighs. “it’ll feel really good right now.”

you silently pleaded with him to stop, to let you go.. but your pussy welt warm.. and wet. it was a strange feeling, one you hadn’t felt before.

“please stop, our parents might hear us..” you importuned, as the hot feeling grew stronger.

“they’ll only hear us if you’re loud.”

you covered your mouth with your hands, as he lifted your hips up. he slid off your skirt, spreading your legs just enough for him to see your clad panties.

“you’re not telling me to stop.. so i’m going to keep at it.” his fingers rubbed your slit through your white cotton panties. jaemin felt like he was on cloud 9, you trulywere pure.

every movement of his made your body tremble, your left hand covering your mouth, the other going down and gripping his arm.

“calm down.. i told you, it’ll feel good.”

and he wasn’t lying. lying was a sin, after all.

his slender finger moved your panties to the side, and he delved into your sweet essence. your body, naturally, jolted.

“no! don’t go there!” you whined pitifully, as your hips grinded against your will.

his tongue was licking in that area— that sacred area. it felt warm, hot, you felt like you were gonna pee.

“p-please, i’m gonna pee!”

he paused his slurping momentarily.

“you’re not gonna pee, and if you do.. let it happen.”

he delved in more, his nose brushing and rubbing against your nub. you held your hand over your mouth. you prayed— to whatever it was, that no one could hear this utter indecency between your wet legs.

soaking his mouth, he tasted your innocent pussy. his fingers soon made their way, your thighs tightening around his head.

every movement of his made your body jolt and twitch, you couldn’t think.

your hand went down, rubbing his hair because you were scared of tugging it. your feet thrashed, as you leaned over, letting a pressure form in your tummy.

pressure and heat combined, as you felt the pressure release, painting jaemins lips a clear white.

he looked up at you, his mouth sinful, eyes full of greed.

“it feels good to be impure, doesn’t it?”

you panted softly, covering your face in utter shame. what came out of you? what was he doing with his mouth down there!? jaemin locked his lips, letting your panties slide back on naturally. as you delved in your shame, he put your skirt back on.

“let’s go to your room.”

snapping you out of your shameful demise, you looked up at him as he stood. your necklaces were hanging off your necks, a reminder of the sins.

“we need to go out and see them.”

“no we don’t, that’s nonsense. I’ll make up and excuse, too.” he replied, a promise of you not being in trouble.

hesitantly, you and him walked to your room.

no one had any idea, only a concerned murmur from his mother.

“her wound must’ve been pretty bad..”

moments later, jaemin let you lay in your bed. he sauntered out of your room, into the dining room.

“say.. is it alright if i stay with her? she wasn’t feeling well after her cut.”

334 notes · View notes