The Ashford Theory and my patience running thin
Welcome, welcome my guys, gals and non-binary pals, to another scream into the void that the Ashford theory is, in fact, very jonsa
On to the arguments!
1. The suitor has to have the correct last name, not family, look at Joffrey Baratheon, you stupid jonsa
Hypothesis - the suitor has to have the corresponding name, not family, and because Jon is a Snow he’s out of the running. The other prong is fAegon who is actually a Blackfyre and not Targeryen, who can also be the suitor.
Thesis - Joffrey is the only other suitor to have a different name. Joffrey and Jon have also been set up as foils from the start of AGOT. Joffrey is a bastard masquerading as the rightful king and Jon is the rightful king (thrice crowned) masquerading as a bastard. It makes sense that they are the only two suitors to have the wrong name as this establishes them as inverses in another way. The last suitor being the foil of the horrible first suitor thereby showing character growth, and plot progression and resolution? Count me in.
As for Young Griff being a Blackfyre, here’s a meta or two, maybe even an argument, for him being the real Aegon VI Targaryen but take my personal fav evidences of Tyrion figuring out that Young Griff is Aegon VI Targaryen and then, Varys literally telling a dying Kevan Lannister about the true Targaryen prince and why would you lie to a dying man? How does that serve your purpose?
This is literally grrm telling us who Young Griff actually is, though this does not count him I out of the contenders, it reduces the weight of him being the fifth suitor, due to story arcs and well, his doomed fate.
Conclusion - While Aegon VI is a strong contender, there is much, much more literary weight and nuance with Jon being the Targaryen suitor.
2. Lady Ashford was not crowned the Queen of Love and Beauty by any champion!!! Take that jonsas
Hypothesis - tQoLaB is a title analogous to a betrothal/love interest
Thesis - there have been no allusions to the title of tQoLaB while trying to foreshadow a relationship, except for a really, really bad one (r + l) that plunged the whole realm into a civil war and we should not take that as a good sign
Conclusion - we’re grasping at straws here besties
3. Dunk disrupted the Ashford Tourney, therefore Sxndxr will disrupt Sansa’s prospects and other things
Hypothesis - Dunk & Sxndxr are are analogous and since there was no conclusion to the Tourney we can safely assume that it’s sxnsxn foreshadowing
Thesis - Brienne is the Dunk asoiaf corollary, not Sxndxr. Brienne is theorized to be Dunk’s descendant. She even has her shield painted like Dunk’s, apart from their striking character parallels and being a true foil to all the other knights in the story. Mr. Gravedigger is just tall :/
“Your door reminded me of an old shield I once saw in my father’s armory.”
Brienne II, AFFC
Brienne has Dunk’s shield in her family home possibly because she’s a descendant of Dunk but then goes ahead and gets her shield painted exactly like this one
“[The painted shield] was more a picture than a proper coat of arms, and the sight of it took her back through the long years, to the cool dark of her father’s armory. She remembered how she’d run her fingertips across the cracked and fading paint, over the green leaves of the tree, and along the path of the falling star.”
Brienne II, AFFC
Secondly, just because the tourney did not have a (satisfactory) conclusion does not mean that the tourney did not exist to serve a purpose. I doubt grrm would likely give out his whole story as early as 1998.
Conclusion - BRIENSA 4eva!!!!!
4. Valarr Targaryen died of a sickness and Aegon VI is doomed to die and is connected to a sickness, are you looking at the nerves popping out of my thick, brainy skull
Thesis - the fifth suitor is 100% Aegon and there’s no one else
Hypothesis - there is a Targaryen.. currently dead.. in the books… (thnk u @istumpysk for ur galaxy brain). The plague in the story serves to connects Aegon more to Dany than to a northern girl he doesn’t know about and might not like since she’s a Stark and his mother is Elia Martell.
Conclusion - jonsa
5. This is all a coincidence & u jonsas are reaching as always
Hypothesis - though george is known to tie every deep end, every crack theory, even farfetched ones that the readers have not caught, this one thing completely skipped his notice because exceptions are always there
Thesis - yes, because this is acotar & not asoiaf and he’s not grrm, i am
Conclusion - JONSAAAAAAAAAAAA
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Day 17: Interrogation
Tickletober 2023 - Critical Role - Campaign 2 Mighty Nein - lee!Caleb
[see my other tickletober 2023 fics]
A/N: [continuation of day 10] Beau is determined to get Caleb to sing like a bird, even though she already knows the song.
[ao3 link]
Words: 1.4k
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“Ah, wait, Beauregard, there’s no need for—”
“Shut up, ya little shit. I know this was you. It has been for weeks now.” Her glare morphed swiftly into a smirk. “And I know just how to get you to fess up.”
“Wait—” Caleb stammered as he backed up toward her bed, cheeks lit up. “I don’t know what you’re talking about— please.”
“Wanna talk now, make it a little easier on yourself?”
Caleb was stubborn, they both knew it. Beau stared at him for a few long seconds, waiting.
He stayed silent.
Then, she shrugged, still smiling. “No, of course not. I figured. Don’t worry, they all talk eventually.”
She cracked her knuckles, the sound causing Caleb’s eyes to flick down to her hands. He swallowed, his legs meeting the foot of her bed. Shit.
“Now then.”
“Wait- please, I—” Caleb implored her, eyes wide. “I didn’t even do anything!”
“Bullshit.” She pushed him gently but firm onto the bed. He stared up at her like a caught rabbit, heart hammering in his chest. She almost felt bad for everything she was about to put him through. Almost.
It was easier than breathing to maneuver the wet mop of a wizard around on the mattress. She straddled his waist, crushing both hands to his sides with her thighs. Caleb put up a good show of squirming, but it wasn’t what anyone could truly call a fight. Beau loomed over him, her fuming annoyance from earlier already melting away easily to play. But, she had to keep up the charade.
And besides, she was curious to know how this tickle magic shit worked.
Caleb scrunched up under her, wincing as hands drew nearer. He bit his lip, shaking his head.
“Telllllll me. Or this is gonna get a lot woo-oorse.” Beau explained in a sing-song tease that seemed to derive from the mouth of a tiefling.
Caleb shut his eyes as he flinched hard just as Beauregard’s fingers touched down on his stomach, unmoving but steady. He took a shaky breath, making a frustrated sound in the back of his throat.
“What, you’ve moved on from denial to the silent treatment? We’ll see how long that lasts.” Beau snickered. “Let’s get you talkin’.”
Deadly, accurate, precise, and fast — so fucking fast. Beau’s damned fingers scribbled wild patterns and shapes lightly all over Caleb’s midriff. They traced along his belly and wiggled into the negligible space his sides and his arms. They prodded a few times at his lowest ribs and poked at his hips. Caleb wheezed, barely holding in a shout. He couldn’t help but snicker madly into his shoulder where he tried his best to hide. She started tickling quicker, pinching here and there too. Soon Caleb lost his battle and the room lit up with his laughter.
Beau laughed along triumphantly. “Now we’re getting somewhere. Maybe I need to go up a little higher?” She poked along his short ribs and he squealed.
“Nohohoho!” Caleb protested through frantic laughter. “Beahahaahau! Don’t- dohohohon’t!”
“Such a way with words. Care to tell me more about what you were up to in the store, then?”
“Neihihihin, plehease!”
“Well now. You’re just begging me to go for the ribs, then, you know.”
“Nohohohoho!”
“Yeeeeees!” Beau teased right back. She began the crawl, moving up from his lowest ribs slow and deliberate.
Caleb buckled, his legs kicking out as his head shook in protest. Not fucking there. “Wahahahait! Bitte, dohohon’t! PleheasEE NOHOHO—” He pulled his elbows in as closely as he could for protection.
Beau grunted in frustration, and through his cackling Caleb picked up her saying. “—stupid lanky arms in the way.”
A welcome respite came not a moment later when Beau took her hands away, and then she lifted her weight off of him. Caleb heaved a few breaths, unsure if it was over. When Beau looked back at him, though, and tugged one arm out before resecuring him in place, he knew it wasn’t.
“Wait, Beau no! Don’t!” Caleb cried, wiggling his arm frantically in an attempt to pull free of her iron grip.
Beau ignored him, moving his arm up and pinning it over his head with ease. Caleb practically whimpered under her, eyes big and scared like a lost puppy. “Look, man, you know what I wanna know. You don’t have to put yourself through all this.” Beau insisted. She wiggled her fingers toward his armpit to make him jump.
Caleb was the one to grunt frustratedly this time. He knew there was an out. And he knew Beau was as stubborn as he was. This was only going to end one way. Yet here he was, thinking instead of talking.
“Alright, you were warned.” Beau smirked and instead of returning to the crawl up his side and ribs, she started up at his wrist and marched her fingers down his arm. She already had him squirming by the elbow. He was trying to twist and wriggle away inches before she made it to his armpit. Caleb howled with laughter and frantic giggles as she scribbled in place for a while until he went from red to pink. Going for the kill, Beau tickled a bit lower, pinching and scratching at his ribs with nimble fingers.
Caleb was shouting with laughter, his voice wheezing and hoarse. His eyes welled up with tears that splashed in tiny pitters from the edges of his lashes. He couldn’t fight her off. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t take that fucking spot. Why did he have to be so damn sensitive on top of being so damn weak? Caleb tried to say something when Beau started digging her knuckles in to the tops of his ribs and Caleb shrieked.
A few moments longer, and Beau stopped, watching him catch his breath with an expectant look in her eye. Eventually, she prompted him, “well?”
“I- I, well, first of all, I hate you.” Caleb laughed shakily.
Beau made a grab for his rib cage again and Caleb yelped.
“Fine! Fine, ja, it was me. I’m sorry!” Caleb’s tickled-out grin added a comical look of insincerity to the apology.
“I told you, I know it was.” Beau huffed. “I wanna know how you did it.”
“It’s- it’s a spell.” Caleb explained, still giggling through his words. “Nothing of my own making, a relatively common spell — Unseen Servant. It can be used for lots of things, tasks, and whatever you ask really.”
“So it’s not a tickle spell?”
Caleb laughed at that, blushing more. “No, no that is simply one of many uses.”
“….Can Jester learn it, do you think?”
Caleb and Beau stared at one another, a look of worry on their faces before bursting into laughter.
“Alright. Well. I’m not gonna tell everyone yet.” Beau narrowed her eyes. “You gotta help me get Yasha with it though.” She winked.
Caleb nodded, and finally his hand was released.
Beau slide off to the side of him and patted his cheek, letting his noodle arms flail weakly back to cover his sides and wipe away the residual tingles of sensation.
He flinched when she moved to try to help him sit up, and she laughed. “Relax, I’m done.” She nudged him. “For now.”
Caleb crumpled in on himself in relief, a tiny sound slipping from him involuntarily that made Beau laugh even harder.
“Bold move, provoking us like that.. Secret’s safe with me for now but I’m not helping you whenever someone else figures it out. You’re gonna get yourself into trouble if you keep using it to set people after Fjord.” Beau raised her eyebrows with a smirk. “And when Jester figures it out.”
Caleb swallowed nervously. “Well, as I said it’s, it’s not just a spell for… that. It can be used for all sorts of tasks. I think I should stick to those for a while.” He continued, answering a few questions Beau posed on the parameters of the magic.
“Sounds like a cool utility spell — I’m impressed.” She punched his shoulder as lightly as she could manage. He still flinched. “Why’d you even think to use it on us like that though? Had to know we’d figure it out eventually.”
“Perhaps I- perhaps I just wanted a chance to participate in your shenanigans without being constantly victimized.”
“Mmmm, and how’s that working out for you, buddy?”
Caleb laughed, letting his head lull back against the floor. “Ja…not so great.”
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