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loonylupinblack3 · 1 month

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𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x driver!reader

Warnings: angst, swearing

Summary: could charles still love you, even after everything?

Word count: 2.6k

part 1

“Y/n calm down-”

“Don’t tell me to calm down,” you snapped. “My whole career is hanging by a thread. I can’t calm down.”

Lando sighed, rubbing his face tiredly. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t the right thing to say. But you need to breathe, because you’re turning blue.”

You reluctantly did as he said, because your chest was starting to hurt and you’d probably collapse if you didn’t. But as soon as you did you wished you hadn’t, because accompanying the breath was the sharp stab of grief.

What was happening? Two days ago, your world had shattered, every newspaper and website claiming the same thing; you and Charles had dated. It didn’t matter that it was past tense- people were still hurling insults your way, discrediting all your work just because you dated a boy.

Except he wasn’t just a boy. He was Charles Leclerc, driver for Scuderia Ferrari, and you were Y/n L/n, driver for Aston Martin.

And now you were facing a possible investigation, because you’d kept your relationship a secret and both teams were worrying you’d passed information onto each other, so here you were.

Suspended.

“Can they even do this?” Yuki’s voice sounded enraged, and if you weren't as tired as you were you’d probably have felt warmed that you had people who cared about this as much as you.

Oscar looked up. “Is Charles suspended too?”

You flinched slightly at the mention of your ex, but everyone either didn’t notice it or purposefully ignored it, which you were grateful for.

George had already started whipping out his phone. “I’ll ask Pierre.”

You stared at your four friends, all here to support you during this time, and felt a surprising amount of love towards them. If you had any energy you’d probably shower them all in your affection, even Yuki who would bat you away with a stick if you tried.

You laid your head in Lando’s lap, the boy immediately playing with your hair, an almost subconscious instinct by now. It was embarrassing how much time you’d spent in Lando’s lap over the past two days.

“Y/n,” Oscar said, passing you your now ringing phone. “It’s your mum.”

You groaned but rolled off of Lando’s lap, sitting up on your bed and grabbing your phone, taking a deep breath to calm yourself before answering.

“Hey Mum-”

“Stupid idiots! When I come down there- I mean, who do they think they are?! Ridiculous boys parading around as men. As soon as I get my hands on them-.but how are you doing Sweetheart? I know this must be hard.”

You let out a small laugh at your mum’s rant, one that threatened to turn into a sob so you silenced it. “I’m… I don’t know, really. Just trying to get through it.”

“Suspended! For what?! For fucking another driver? If anything he should be suspended, since it was his dick in you.”

You choked on a gasp. “Mum.”

“What? I’m just saying.”

You shook your head, shocked but also feeling slightly better. Your mum always managed to take your mind off things, even if it was by saying out of pocket things that, if you’d had your phone on speaker, would have made your friends gobsmacked.

“Has he even talked to you about it?” Your mother prodded.

You sighed, feeling the insecurities that had been sticking to you like parasites, infecting you, come to the surface. “No, he hasn’t talked to me.”

Why hasn’t he? This was literally the worst case scenario for you, and he knew that. It was why you broke up in the first place. So now that your deepest fears have happened, the dread turned into something real, he was gone? Just like that? What happened to all the promises that he’d be there for you, that you’d get through this together? You knew you weren’t together anymore but shouldn’t they still mean something?

Your mother continued her rant at your words, babbling on about incompetent people in power, stupid idiots, etcetera etcetera. You had to hang up on her when you saw Geroge’s less than pleased expression though, because obviously something had happened during the phone call to put him in this mood, because he was always annoyingly optimistic, even during this mess.

As soon as you put your phone down you demanded to know what happened, what George found out. He sighed, looking forlorn that he had to be the one to give you the news, but pressed forward anyway.

“Charles hasn’t been suspended.”

Silence followed his words. You didn’t even know what to say, your jaw working but no sound coming out. Charles wasn’t suspended? You were suspended but Charles wasn’t, for doing the same fucking thing?

“What the fuck?” Yuki burst out, standing up. “They can’t do this!”

“They can, mate,” Oscar said tiredly, rubbing his face. “They’re from different teams, and it was up to those teams to make the decision, not the FIA.”

Yuki kicked the side table, looking for all the world like he was going to storm the Aston Martin headquarters and demand they un-suspend you. You all knew why Charles wasn’t suspended and you were. It was the same reason it took you so long to get into F1, why you still got daily death threats and had to undergo a different training to everyone else.

Because you were a woman.

Suddenly you were so tired. You’d been tired for a while, but now it was exhaustion weighing you down, a draining, crippling exhaustion you wanted nothing to do with. You were tired of worrying, tired of constantly scouring the internet, soaking up every insult directed your way. You were tired of missing Charles, a constant in your life now. Waking up and having your hand search for his body, only to find the sheets cold. Thinking about him every spare moment of the day, your mind straying to him against your will.

You missed him, and you wished he’d call. You regretted your decision, didn’t you? Since the secret came out anyway, except now you didn’t even have Charles to be there for you through it. It really was all for nothing, and here you were, stuck with the decisions you made.

Lando’s head resting on your shoulder snapped you out of your sulking. You looked down at your hands, letting out a sigh. None of the others were talking, waiting for you to speak, to see what sort of reaction you had before they did anything.

“I think I’m going to take a walk,” you said quietly.

Yuki’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth, about to say something, when George elbowed him in the side, sending him a pointed look. Yuki scowled, rubbing his stomach but stayed silent, letting you leave with no complaint.

You were too tired to question their strange behaviour and left the hotel room, walking along the halls. You weren’t sure where you were going; you just needed to get out of that room, away from your friends’ pitying stares.

You eventually entered the elevator, deciding to visit the bar in the lobby where you’d drown your feelings in alcohol and hopefully receive a respite from this horrible nightmare you were living.

Except as soon as you exited the elevator, heading towards the bar, you realised you’d made a terrible mistake. Because there Charles stood, speaking in hushed tones with Pierre Gasly and making big gestures with his hands.

And fuck, his hands. It was probably a strange thing to focus on considering the circumstances, but it was the only thing keeping you from freaking out so you welcomed the distraction eagerly, eyes tracing each vein on his hand, remembering how gentle they could be when he wanted them to.

But then he looked away from Pierre, a frustrated expression on his face, and his gaze landed directly on you, and his eyes widened, mouth parting slightly as he stared at your figure. You panicked yet couldn’t move, swallowing thickly but unable to tear your gaze away from him as he continued to stare, looking dumbfounded.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

As soon as you regained control of your body you turned around, walking swiftly back into the elevator. You couldn’t do this today; not when you’d just discovered your career was at risk and his wasn’t, for the exact same thing.

Charles didn’t seem to be thinking the same thing as you though, because just as you pressed the button to your floor, the doors starting to close, his hand was there stopping the doors from closing, and then he was inside the elevator with you as the doors did finally shut, except now they felt like a death sentence, trapping you in there Charles.

“Y/n,” he said quietly, and oh.

Oh how his voice comforted you. Everything was shit, your whole career crashing down before your eyes, the thing you worked so hard for in the midst of being destroyed, but with one word from his mouth Charles somehow made everything seem slightly better. It warmed you, and you cursed yourself for it.

“Charles,” you replied just as softly, unable to help yourself. You longed for him like the sun longed for the moon, like the stars longed for the clouds. Polar opposites, unable to be together but fuck if you didn’t try as desperately as you could to make it work. To be with them even against all odds.

And then suddenly you were being wrapped up in Charles’ arms, apologies spilling from his mouth as he pressed you against him, grip tightening with every passing second. And you were just as hopeless, returning the embrace with a desperation you didn’t even realise you had, hiding your face into his chest, escaping from the world, feeling nothing but him.

He rested his chin on your head, eyes fluttering shut, hugging you tighter against him. It took everything in you not to start sobbing, to beg him for forgiveness then and there. Everything felt so fucking hard, and if you had to leave without Charles you weren’t sure how you’d cope with it. You never imagined having to do this without him.

“I’m so sorry Y/n,” Charles choked out, words muffled from where he pressed his face into your hair. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

You pulled back, quickly wiping away a stray tear before he could see. “Why are you sorry?”

“Because this is your worst fucking nightmare.”

Well, you couldn’t argue with that. It was your worst nightmare, except it was double the horror because you didn’t even have Charles by your side to help you through it.

“Why didn’t you call?” you asked instead. “Or even text me?”

Charles looked away guiltily, but he didn’t take a step back. If anything he held you tighter, like he thought you were going to try to escape him any minute. Little did he know you didn’t want to be anywhere but his arms right now.

“I didn’t think you wanted to see me,” he admitted quietly. “It’s my fault this is happening. We were too careless. I was too careless, and encouraged you to be as well, even though I knew what was on the line for you. This happened because of me.”

You were shaking your head before he even finished speaking. “Charles none of this is your fault. I knew what I was doing getting involved with you. Both of us are responsible.”

Yet only one is suspended, a vicious voice hissed in your mind.

You tried pushing it away, not wanting any bitter feelings to ruin the moment. Unfortunately Charles knew you, and he noticed the sudden shift, eyebrows furrowing.

“What is it?”

You swallowed, unsure if you should tell him or not. It wasn’t his fault he wasn’t suspended, he shouldn’t be blamed for it, but you couldn’t help resenting him a little bit for it. It was wrong, you knew that, but it was how you felt.

“I was suspended.”

Charles opened his mouth and closed it again, an unreadable expression on his face.

“I know,” was his eventual answer.

“And you weren’t.”

Pain briefly flashed across Charles’ voice, his voice strained as he spoke. “I know. I’m sorry. I tried to talk them out of it but they said because we weren’t together anymore the risk of secrets spilling was higher and-”

“You talked to them?” you asked, surprised.

Charles looked almost hurt at the shock on your face. “Of course I did, Y/n. This isn’t fucking fair. If I can help you I’ll do it, even if we’re no longer together.”

You kissed him then. You weren’t sure how it happened. You just felt this overwhelming warmth at his words, this feeling of love filling you to the brim, begging to be released but you didn’t know how to except with this. With a kiss worth a thousand words, telling him everything you couldn’t say in person, all your doubts and insecurities and love love love.

Charles kissed you back just as deeply, hands cradling your face like you were something fragile. Like you were precious, something he wanted to keep forever in his arms, never let go of. Like he loved you just as much as you loved him, even now. Even after everything.

When you both pulled back there was a hesitant hope in your eyes. You’d understand if Charles didn’t want you again, if he just kissed you back in the heat of the moment. You’d hurt him, and now you wanted him back. It was understandable if he wanted nothing to do with you. It would break your heart, of course, but you’d understand and you wouldn’t fight it.

Except Charles was smiling, which wasn’t something someone would do if they were about to break up with you. Even though you weren’t even together.

“I love you, Y/n,” Charles breathed, cupping your face. “I understand if you don’t want to, but please, let me be with you again.”

Your heart gave a little squeeze. “You still want to? Even after all I did, after everything, you still want to be with me?”

Charles smiled, pressing his forehead against yours. “Of course.”

You opened the door to your hotel, hand in hand with Charles.

“Y/n, you’re back, we were starting to worry-”

Lando stopped speaking, jaw hanging open as he stared at Charles, distrust and confusion clear on his face. As if his silence was some indicator of danger, the three other men bounded into the living room, expressing similar shock to Lando at the sigh of Charles next to you.

“You bastard,” Yuki muttered, lunging forward to- well, you weren’t even sure what he was intending to do; tackle him maybe?- but Oscar grabbed the hem of his shirt, keeping him away.

Charles looked at them sheepishly, giving a little wave. “Hey guys.”

George looked at you. “So are you two dating again?”

You nodded silently, but couldn’t stop the smile forcing its way onto your face.

George sighed. “Fucking finally. Pierre had been harassing me constantly about it.”

“He was what?!” Charles squawked incredulously.

George, sensing he had made a mistake, kept his mouth shut.

You didn’t care though. All you could care about was that you had Charles with you, by your side, and he’d be with you while you sorted this mess out, got your career back on track and made sure no team or media would fuck with you again. You had him for every moment in the future, every night as you went to sleep and every morning as you woke up. You had him for every race, every dinner, every anniversary.

That was all for the future though. Right now you just wanted to hang out with your friends, and your boyfriend, who regardless of everything that had happened was here with you. Who cared for you, loved you, wanted to be with you, even after everything.

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #f1 #f1 fanfic #f1 x reader #yuki tsunoda #george russell #lando norris #oscar piastri #pierre gasly #ferrari #aston martin #driver

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