#Feel free to come at me with your DR ships I always wanna see more dynamics

[kakusu-shipping]

Perhaps 💕 + Danganronpa? :O

Mwah Mwah you're both getting blown kisses I've wanted to talk about Danganronpa ships for a WHILE now and suddenly I have two so very blessed.

Problimatic ships and Danganronpa Spoilers under the cut

Okay so first of all well established at this point in Fandoms with just a Lotta Guys I tend to get latched onto one guy (gender neutral) and ship them with basically everyone all at once, and for Danganronpa that Guy is Kazuichi Soda

The ideal is Sonia/Kazuichi/Gundham polycule. I think Sonia and Gundham are Queerplatonics who are bonding over their crush on Kazuichi, meanwhile Kazuichi is convinced they're dating and is steaming over it in pure Incel rage. He is their pathetic little Meow Meow

Soda/Teruteru I see every here and there and it's easily my favorite Teruteru ship. They're unnormal about the girls in their class together while holding hands and kissing on the mouth and Soda will say "No Homo right?" and Teruteru always just smirks. Yes Homo, Soda. Always Homo.

I don't know who came up with Soda/Nekomaru but it does slap I will agree. Big loud guy X Little loud guy. Nekomaru tosses Soda around like a football

Also who came up with Soda/Fuyuhiko because I LOVE them!!! Soda and his scary manlet boyfriend. I am rattling them so hard. This goes very good specifically with Transfemme Kazuichi btw

Soda/Hajime is incredibly funny Hajime is so tired of Soda and Soda is all about Hajime they are just Bros being guys being dudes I adore them. I hope they kiss with tongue

Mmmm I want Kazuichi to kiss the robot Soda/Kiibo is so freaken cute Mechanic/Robot ships are always cute and correct I want them to kiss on the mouth so baaaadly

Soda/Miu reads so very sibling to me I don't know why but whenever I see them in fanart together my brain says they are Brother and Sister and also they both kiss Kiibo on the mouth. She thinks Incest is hot, he thinks she's disgusting but also his taste in women is based on her. Like Akihisa and his Sister from Baka and Test kind of dynamic.

Soda/Chihiro is SO cute this is again just back to Kiibo tho they are Robot friends she is the exact kind of sweet little cute thing Soda is into he is for sure one of her biggest fans this is also another speisifically with Transfemme Soda kind of ship

I think Kokichi/Soda would be a very funny unserious ship to get in to. something about it gives me Age Regressor Friends vibes

I would love more Soda ships if anyone has any more with the dynamic in mind let me know I am always all ears for them

Now for everyone else

Okay let's start off with something everyone hates; I like Despaircest, but not in it's canon form. Manipulation and worship is fine and all, but I also just love They are all they have on this bitch of an earth Twin Ships, and Junko is really good for that, given how much she hates everything. Mukuro was Junko's last shred of sanity before she vanished

I have a real thing for Danganronpa Polyships, I'm a real big fan of Kyoko/Makoto/Byakuya as a solid Post-Game throuple. Kyoko and Byakuya are sharing the twink begrudgingly

Also OT3 Chihiro/Taka/Mondo?? Love them the trio of all time. They all kiss on the mouth and hold hands and love eachother very much. I want them to own an apartment together and live a very chill Slice of Life anime style existence

Sakura/Aoi is so very sweet and good. Wholesome gorlfriends. They would pummel you to death for speaking bad about the other. Massive Femme Little Butch gorls I love them

Celeste/Hifumi is my ideal I love them so much they deserve so much more. Fantastic self ship polycule content from them as well.

I saw someone once ship Hiro/Byakuya and I think that's so incredibly funny. Ships where the one guy is nothing by annoyed by his partner are always welcome

I have to respect Toko/Komaru sense I stole my entire self ship with Toko from the basis of that ship basically. I don't like Komaru all that much but I will admit she and Toko kiss on the mouth and are very cute for sure

I think Nagito/Makoto is a very funny one sided kind of ship. Nagito cannot be normal about the other ultimate lucky student to save his life. Makoto is dense as dense can be. Everyone is holding Nagito back.

Another OT3 Hajime/Nagito/Chiaki is very good two braincells and their pathetic wet kitten boyfriend. Hajime and Chiaki also kiss but if they do Nagito will stare at them and make it very weird he just loves to see ultimates in love

Whoever first shipped Imposter/Ibuki I love you so much I cannot for the life of me remember where the basis for that ship comes from but it's back of my mind always

But also Imposter/Ryota from DR3 is so so so SO good I love them. Imposter pushing Ryota to eat to stand and stretch and take breaks and go to class and get out of his room and exist. I love them. Very Kazuaki/Hitori core.

I am not immune to Peko/Fuyu he loves her she is devoted to him one day she'll be better be more her own person and she'll finally be able to love him back. Big "That's my wife!!!!" possibilities. The best Het ship ever written (untrue)

Mahiru/Hiyoko is also very good a very specific flavor or WLW that I for some reason don't see as much as Sakura/Aoi despite them being the same type of Close? I think they're sweet

Nekomaru/Akane are Queerplatonics I can't see them kissing but they do need to be in physical contact with one another at all times. Catch them hugging all over one another

Oooh I think Ibuki/Sonia is very good Good girl Wild girl she was a skater boy style. I think they'd be great girlfriends

This ones for that one artist who draws adorable Teruteru/Hajime, I have no idea where that one comes from but the artist themself is very sweet

Not enough people talk about Korekiyo/Sonia they would be perfect together they're both so weird and creepy and I think they'd get along like a house on fire

Someone on my dash ships Gonta/Celeste and I cannot for the life of me figure out why but I am on board I suppose??

OT3 evolved it's OT4 time I love Kaede/Shuichi/Kaito/Maki they are a chain holding hands I adore them SO much. A loop that can go both directions

I think I'd like Himiko/Tenko better if Tenko was written with any kind of good intention, but everything she says and does is written so poorly I just... I have a hard time liking her. I want to though.

Miu/Kiibo/Kokichi is one that grew on me long after I'd finished V3. I think they'd be a very chaotic duo. The exact opposite energy as Sonia/Kazuichi/Gundham

I also like the fan works of Gonta/Kokichi. I don't like the way Kokichi acts about Gonta in canon like at all but the ship isolated is very cute. Full of deceit and hate X Physically cannot lie good boy

Kirumi/Kokichi is very much Carer/Age Regressor to me and I do enjoy it sometimes. I feel kind of bad demoting Kirumi to just a mommy type though

Gonta/Ryoma is so very *Chefs kiss* you understand??? The Big and the Small. The Nerd and the Jock. The Gentleman and the Criminal. It's about the subversion of expectations

Oh and Ryoma/Kirumi is INCREDIBLY cute I have really nothing for it other than Ryoma deserves a badass wife. All Ryoma ships will work on me because I just want Ryoma to be happy. Everyone kiss Ryoma on the mouth

On that note Ryoma/Kaede also whole cute 10/10 would love to see more. Kaede also deserves all the good in the world

I went very crazy for a while for Gonta/Kiyo because of that one manga where they got their stupid long ass hair tangled together. I love that for them

Y'all want a weird one?? I think Monotaro/Miu is SUPER cute. I love ALL of their interactions in canon. I would ADORE seeing more art of them together. Tiny bear and his inventor Mommy. There's something there

One more DR OT3 for the road: Chisa/Kyosuke/Juzo are fantastic and I wish we'd gotten to see more of them before the Despair.

#Ship List #Shipcest #that's the only one I think fkgfdkgj #This took me forever not because I was thinking on it really hard #but because my niece showed up while I was writing it so I kept running off to play with her #Thankyou for asking #I may have forgotten something here and there but probably not #I wish I had more cross game ships especially between DR 1 and 2 #Where V3 is in my brain is very eeeeeh cause like #okay I DO have a DRV3 rework that leaves the game basically how it is but makes it more interesting #and it IS related to my UDG self insert/Toko Self Ship #but we don't need to get into that right now #Feel free to come at me with your DR ships I always wanna see more dynamics

[bottoms-movie]

SAMBUCKY FIC RECS

so a lot of people seemed interested this so here it is! if ya’ll like this, i can make more parts! this is split into three categories: based on tfatws, canon divergence, and au. all fics are on ao3. all of the fics are complete. some fics do include smut, but i included the ratings, so make sure to check for that based on preferences!

also, feel free to send me asks on your thoughts on any fics or if you’re interested in another sambucky fic rec post!

BASED ON TFATWS

Fill the Hole in my Heart | Not Rated | 4,848 words

Bucky dives into the world of online dating. The girls are nice, but there seems to be something missing. When he goes to Louisiana to meet Sam and his family, he realizes what that something was.

Skip, Reverse | Explicit | 7,945 words

Sam stood in the middle of their local Target with a throw pillow in each hand. The one in his left hand was butter-soft and matched the drapes in the living room, but Bucky had walked by five seconds ago and declared the one on the right “absolutely fucking hideous,” and so now Sam kind of wanted it more than he had ever wanted anything.

Sometimes romance is just bickering with your superhero partner/roommate at several different Target locations.

just won’t do right | General | 7,524 words

Sam's eyebrows go up, impressed, and he reaches over to squeeze Torres' shoulder, "This is amazing, kid. Thanks, really."

Bucky sits and watches in utter horror as the pink darkens on Torres' cheeks.

Oh, he realizes. Oh. Fuck.

body language will do the trick | Explicit | 12,598 words

“There’s no way you’re going to win this,” Bucky tells Sam. “I am going to love language the shit out of you.”

Sam gives him a considering look. “You do seem like you’d be really good at that.”

Bucky’s cheeks flush with heat. “Thanks, pal, I—”

Sam smirks, and Bucky’s eyes narrow. He shoves his elbow into Sam’s side and stalks off, leaving Sam cackling behind him.

“Your ass looks great today!” Sam yells.

Bucky reaches up to flip Sam the bird, and he definitely does not feel grateful that he wore his good jeans today. Bucky’s ass looks great every day.

checklist | General | 4,716 words

Bucky Barnes keeps a mental checklist of things he knows to be true at any given moment. Sometimes the checklist changes, because he's learned something else about himself. It changes, for example, when he starts realizing that maybe he would like to kiss Sam Wilson. Maybe.

best laid plans | 3 parts | 26,808 words

part 1: baby you’re the wave and I’m ready for the crash | Explicit | 6,616 words

Nah, my plan’s better,” Sam declares, before clapping Bucky on the shoulder.

“I’m sorry, what plan? Was that a plan? It didn’t sound like a plan to me, it sounded like a vague intention,” says Bucky, still scowling, and Sam grins.

“We’re winging it, the plan is a work in progress! Now c’mon, we gotta make some wardrobe adjustments if we’re gonna get into that club.”

Sam and Bucky have some unorthodox methods of going undercover in a club.

He Doesn’t Deserve You! | Teen | 5,154 words

Sam and Bucky have an argument that results in Bucky being left at the bar. A group of drunk strangers assumes Bucky just got dumped and quickly adopt him for the night to make him feel better.

Reconstitution | Not Rated | 10,228 words

“I didn’t back Steve on the Sokovia Accords,” Sam says unprompted one day. They’re so close to apprehending the Flagsmashers and wrapping up this ridiculous saga.

“I don’t follow,” Bucky says.

“I was the one who refused to sign it first. Not Steve.”

Sam says it so softly that Bucky has to strain to hear him. Sam is loud and chatty and half the time he keeps up a constant stream of chatter just to get on Bucky’s nerves, but Bucky’s coming to realize that when he really wants to make himself heard, he’s soft spoken and mild. Bucky doesn’t entirely follow his train of thought, though.

Or: a breaking down, remaking, and coming back stronger than ever before

Stuck On You (You Suez, You Luez) | Explicit | 10,136 words

Sam and Bucky’s mission was simple: stowaway on a ship suspected of weapons-smuggling in the Suez, gather enough intel to report back, and hop off again in Port Said. Something gets in the way, and a day-long recon session turns into a week of chess, bickering, semi-successful movie references, and trying not to go slowly insane.

His Touch | Mature | 1,006 words

When Baron Zemo touched Bucky’s face, Sam Wilson saw red.

Bucky just wants Sam to comfort him.

rusted | Teen | 2,358 words

Bucky doesn’t grace him with a sound of acknowledgement. He’s been quiet, ever since that night with Zemo. Well. Quieter. It’s almost like. Every time he opens his mouth, he’s half-expecting the Winter Soldier to come out.

He hasn’t, yet. Won’t, ever again. Not unbidden. Sam’s sure of that. Bucky, not so much.

‘You busy?’

‘’m scouring the—’

‘Good,’ Sam cuts the idiot off, ‘I need you to help me shave.’

advanced therapy methods for large adult men | 2 parts | 11,717 words

part 1: The Gottman Method for Dealing with Conflict | Mature | 4,187 words

Bucky and Dr. Raynor have a follow-up session and two entirely different conversations about his relationship status.

Or: Let's do more couples therapy, James.

it’s always Bucky’s Fault | 3 parts | 20,089 words

part 1: Did you see it? | Explicit | 3,905 words

In which there's supposedly a viral video of the Winter Soldier on his knees sucking off Captain America.

Everything is, like always, completely Bucky's fault.

CANON DIVERGENCE

Even in the Present (I Am Living in the Past) | Teen | 16,977 words

Sometimes Sam still questions everything about his ability to shoulder the 80-year legacy he now bears. His history, and the history of his loss, sticks with him and even in healing he doubts whether or not he is able to fulfil his purpose, and whether he may find lasting peace and happiness.

Told in fluid-fragments, the story moves between his therapy sessions after his return from active duty and the post-Endgame present.

You never forget your first | Teen | 3,650 words

The story of Bucky and Sam getting together in a series of firsts.

leftovers | Mature | 19,249 words

With the New Avengers up and running, Sam finally has time to start dating again. Unfortunately, it's not going as well as he'd hoped.

Partners | Explicit | 7,235 words

Sam's not sure if he can be Captain America. He's not a supersoldier. He can't throw the shield. He's just a dude.

And Bucky Barnes is just a nuisance, albeit a pretty good-looking one.

I’ll explain everything to the geese | Explicit | 50,949 words

Bucky is so competent that it hurts my feelings is not a rational complaint to have about a person, and yet, after a year of being Captain America and partnering up with Bucky for the new and improved, post-Blip Avengers, that’s kinda how Sam’s feeling.

It’s not great. It maybe leads to Sam making some rash, ill-advised decisions like claiming he has a previously undisclosed superpower, and then getting caught in a web of lies when he ends up actually developing that surprisingly inconvenient superpower. Talking to birds had seemed like a harmless superpower, but it turns out that birds have a lot of opinions, and they don’t hesitate to tell Sam about them, especially when it comes to his supposedly subpar courting skills. Which is ridiculous, because Sam isn’t courting Bucky. Right?

Night Swimming | Teen | 2,056 words

“Come on. The princess has a new arm for you and I gotta see if there’s a barber around here willing to tackle your…” Sam waved a hand at Bucky’s face.

“I don’t want a new arm,” Bucky immediately bit out.

And then -

“I can cut my own damn hair.”

Sam just raised both eyebrows. Crossed his arms over his chest again.

Dared Bucky to prove him wrong.

AU

Cpvert Coffee & Flirtation Specialist | General | 5,542 words

The reporter says "—for Captain America to—"

And Bucky rolls his eyes. "Oh, here we go."

Sam looks at him then tips his head sideways, got a weird grin on his face. "Not a fan?"

"Not that. Just… the guy seems too good to be true, right? Wings and a shield?? Come on."

"Uh, is that why your eyes are like glued to the screen whenever he's on?" Kate says. "Is that why you call him Captain Tight Ass?"

"He's a goddamn show-off, and you know it. Tight ass or not."

Just then Sam snorts, real loud, grabs his coffee and suffers a horribly controlled laugh on his way out the door.

Stolen Moments | Teen | 98,767 words

“No,” Sam said, chuckling. “I don’t cheat,” he swept his gaze up and down James’ body, “even with guys who look like you. But, I’m bored and a little pissed, so if you wanna sit here and shoot the shit ‘til my man shows back up, I’m game.”

Never one to back to back down from a challenge - especially a challenge who looked like Sam Wilson - Bucky took another swig from his bottle and replied, “Sure, doll. I’ve got nothing but time.”

Steve has Sam. Bucky wants Sam. Sam wasn’t expecting any of this.

Such a Whirlwind Since I Saw You | Teen | 10,871 words

The Men of Letters turned Bucky Barnes into a weapon. Hunters Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanov are determined to save him, but they're going to need Sam Wilson's help.

“So you want me to ditch work, drive across America with you until you find your friend, who you thought was dead - all while avoiding some high-tech hunters who are out for blood?” Sam is asking.

Steve shrugs a shoulder, looking a little sheepish. Natasha almost laughs at the dry tone of Sam’s voice, but he's not wrong.

You Got What I Need? | Explicit | 37,588 words

Sam and Bucky are both in a bind, professionally. Nat points out a solution that neither men like. To save their careers they play along or rather, stop playing all together.

#marvel #sam wilson #bucky barnes #tfatws #sambucky #sambucky fanfiction #sambucky fic recs #fic recs #usermarcy #usersof #tusernini #tusersammy #usersmile #usersamanne #usercross #sambucky fanfic #my fic recs

[odd-birds-and-booksellers]

Five times Jo asks Alex to dance and the one time she asks someone new.

The first time Jo and Alex ever dance together, they’re just friends. It’s new…their friendship. Alex isn’t exactly sure what to call it, in the space of two weeks she went from the annoying intern he was happy to keep as nothing more than a work colleague to the person he spent most of his time with. In the last week, she’s spent more nights on his couch than at home and they’ve grabbed dinner together every day. It’s funny they seemed to have fallen into this pattern without any real thought, it was the day after Ben and Bailey’s wedding they’d become inseparable, she’d sought him out at the end of shift insisting she needed pizza and beer and that he was paying thanks to the raging hangover she was sure was his fault.

He didn’t hate it...having her around all time that is. Which surprised him, it had been a long time since Alex had genuinely enjoyed being in someone else’s company for such a long period of time. Even now when Jos’ has one too many beers and is singing along loudly (and out of tune) to Taylor Swift (not Alex’s choice of course) he finds himself happy just to sit and watch her.

“Oh this is my favorite Alex, come dance with me,” Jo calls from where she’s spinning around in the kitchen. She’s reaching out for him, her warm hand against his forearm pulling him towards her.

“I don’t dance.” Alex protests, remaining firmly in his seat. Shaking his head as she continues to pull at him. He tries to keep his smile at bay but he’s secretly amused by the way she attempts to give him a puppy dog look.

“Don’t or can’t?”

“Both…whatever answer gets you away from me.” He grumbles, trying to remove her grip on his arm but she’s quick, tangling their fingers together and giving him another tug.

“Come on Alex…everyone can dance. Just one dance…pretty please.”

He groans but drops his beer bottle down on the counter and follows Jo back to her makeshift dance floor.

“One dance…and you’ll leave me alone?” He asks, cocking his head to the side as he sets one hand on her hip, the other still gripped in hers tightly. He doesn’t know the song well but he finds himself slowly swaying to the beat.

“I won’t bother you until at least tomorrow.” Jo reasons, smiling softly, a triumphant glint in her eyes that makes Alex think he should stop letting her get her way.

Alex's breath hitches as Jo lays her head against his chest a moment later, he’s sure she can feel the way his heart pounds in his chest. They stay that way for the rest of the song, just swaying back and forth and Alex is surprised to find himself actually enjoying holding Jo so close.

“See… dancing isn't that bad right?”

He pulls her closer, tighter until her chest was pressed flush against his. “No…no you're right, this is pretty good.”

The second time they danced was a couple of years later. They’ve just finished furnishing the loft, and Jos’ even surprised herself with how it had turned out. It really felt like a home…their home.

“I know you’re gonna say a record player is pointless, but it looks cute and before you laugh they were on like every Pinterest board I saw so we have to have one.” Jo reasons, hoping this wouldn’t turn into another disagreement as the throw pillows had. Apparently, because it looks good isn’t a good reason to spend money on Alex’s book.

Secretly she loves every argument/discussion they have. There's just something about them discussing their home, her first proper home that fills her with such joy.

Setting up the record player was easy. Jo had found it a nice home against the window of what she’d marked out to be the living room. She’d even picked up a few old records from the store, Elvis, The Beatles, even Ella Fitzgerald.

She set the record on the turntable and brought down the needle, then closed the lid. There was the crackle of static as the vinyl began to spin.

She reached for his hand during the first verse. “Dance with me?” Jo suggested her voice barely above a whisper. “I know you hate dancing but indulge me this one time.” She insists as he reluctantly places his hands in hers, allowing her to pull him in, their chests brushing up against each other as his hand finds her hip and he holds her against him warm and steady.

They sway like that for the duration of the song and Jo takes the time to scan their newfound home. It's everything she'd hoped it would be and more. She feels Alex's hand fidgeting over her spine as the song comes to an end as if he's contemplating ending their dance before she feels his fingertips drift lower, coming to rest on the small of her back.

“You’re happy right? I know you kinda hated this place at first but…”

“I’m more than happy…” He whispers, leaning back as he brings one hand up to rest against her cheek, brushing the loose hair from her bun behind her ear gently. Jo relaxes against him, letting her worries go at his reassuring words. “I’m home.”

The third time they dance together, Alex surprised them both by being the one to ask Jo to dance. They’re at their makeshift engagement party that the kids on the peds ward had insisted on having when Alex informed them all they couldn’t attend the wedding. It felt kinda surreal, to see various hospital staff all filter in as a handful of his patients gather in the family room. All these people gathered to celebrate him and Jo. He’s not sure how he’d ever got so lucky.

“For everyone who doesn’t know Dr. Alex and Dr. Jo are getting married this weekend…” Kimmy announces, tapping the microphone on the makeshift stage as everyone turns towards her. “And all of us here just wanted to wish you both a huge congratulations.” Alex feels a surge of emotion, as Jo wraps an arm around his waist resting her head against his shoulder. Her eyes were a little watery, maybe she was feeling just as overwhelmed as he was.

“So I thought I’d sing a little something for you both.” Kimmy grins, and Alex gives her a small nod, rolling his eyes as the familiar tune from Beauty and The Beast begins. Now it makes sense why she’d been practicing it all week.

“Think we should dance?” He asks, turning towards Jo.

“You wanna dance? You never wanna dance with me.”

Alex furrows his eyebrows at her statement, wrapping an arm around her waist, swaying them gently, “I never wanna dance full stop but with you…with you it’s definitely bearable.”

Jo rolls her eyes “Charming.”

Alex just chuckles as he takes a step back, keeping his hand firmly in hers. When their arms are outstretched, he tugs on her hand until she gets the memo and twirls back toward him. Alex catches her by the waist, grinning down at her as she laughs warmly.

Cheers erupt around them but Alex can’t bring himself to tear his gaze from Jo. She’s gonna be his wife and he for one can’t wait.

“I aim to please” He mutters before pulling her in closer, pressing his lips to hers as a few groans from the younger patients sound.

The fourth time they dance is a given. Their first dance as husband and wife, sure it's not the reception they planned but Avery's penthouse with everyone they care about most in the world feels as close to perfect as you can get.

“Come dance with your wife.” Jo cries as she makes her way through the crowd, reaching out for Alex who’s taken a seat at the kitchen island. He’d been enjoying a moment to just watch everyone around him. Days like this full of love and happiness were kinda rare to find.

“Jo, you know I hate dancing.” He whines but he's already on his feet, allowing her to guide him back through the crowd. He’s not gonna deny her today, not like he ever denied her before either.

She just smiles, and god it makes his heartache knowing that’s the smile he’s gonna wake up to every day for the rest of his life. “I know you say you hate dancing but I think you secretly like it.”

He turned his hand over in hers, wrapping his fingers around her palm before pulling her to him by the waist. Jo’s free arm sliding up to his shoulder as they spun slowly.

“Thank you…”

“For what?”

“Dancing with me even though you hate it.”

He holds their joint hands in the air, letting Jo turn herself away from him. She’s only out of his grip for a split second before she twirls back into him. He catches her, tips her backward until her hair is dangling down over his knee.

“I’ll always dance with you,” Alex whispers, pressing a chaste kiss to her lips before helping her stand straight again. He can hear the buzz of the party around them, see the bright light of flash go off somewhere as Jo wraps her hands around his neck, hiding her face against him.

“Should’ve put that in our vows.”

He’s not sure how long they stay like that, arms wrapped around each other swaying to whatever song is playing whether a slow dance suits it or not. They might be in a room full of their closest friends and chosen family but neither one can focus on anyone else.

“It’s funny…” Jo mumbles after a while, lifting her head so she can meet Alex’s gaze.

“What’s that?” Alex asks, his thumb tracing a soft pattern against the small of her back as her left hand sorts out his.

“In those lifetime movies, I used to watch. You wait the whole movie for the couple to kiss in the last five seconds and then you just assume that they end up together…in reality, it’s probably never a happy ever after.”

Alex frowns, he’s not quite sure what Jo was getting at but if she was doubting what happens next she shouldn’t. If they could make it through today and still end up married and all in one piece then they could make it through every day that came next.

“We don’t have to worry about that.” He smiles, the hand still clutching hers lifting a little higher so she can see the light catch against her wedding set as he runs his thumb across them.

“No, we don’t.”

The last time they dance together is a couple of days before Alex leaves. He seems to have thrown himself into work the last few weeks. He’s so busy he’s almost never home. They’re like ships passing in the night and Jo’s not ashamed to admit she misses her husband.

“Come on…” She mutters, turning the radio up slightly so the music can be heard over in the kitchen, holding her hand out to Alex who’s been staring at various charts since he’d arrived home in the early hours of the morning.

“Not now Jo…I’m exhausted okay?” He sighs brushing her hand away as he turns back to the pages before him.

Jo shakes her head refusing to take no for an answer as she carefully takes the documents from his hand. Setting them down on the table. She cups his cheek, turning his face towards her. “One dance. Come on.”

She watches the internal argument he’s having with himself, his eyes refusing to meet hers.

“Alex you promised…you’d always dance with me...for better or worse...till death do us part?”

He tenses at her words closing his eyes, but before Jo can even question it he’s up, slipping his hand into hers, leading them towards the empty space between the kitchen and the unused dining table with a frown.

“I know Mr. Grumpy…you hate dancing, you've told me before.”

“That’s Dr. Grumpy to you.”

Jo drops his hand only to lift her arms around his neck and Alex sets his hands loosely on her waist.

“I love you.” He breathes after a moment. He leans his head over her shoulder and drops a kiss to the side of her head, wrapping his arms tighter around her waist.

Jo smiles softly at his words as Alex presses her hand into his chest, over his heartbeat. They're gonna be okay, she's sure of it. They hold onto one another, dancing slowly as the song continues.

“I love you too, Dr. Grumpy.”

They keep swaying even as the song ends and another begins, Jo can’t remember what song had played next, but she knows they’d danced to it anyway.

Jo didn't dance much after Alex left. Didn't do much of anything that reminded her of him. She’d got rid of nearly every trace of him. She’d gone into survival mode and removed every last reminder of him from her life. That is except for the few things she just couldn’t bear to lose.

His shirt…the first one she’d ever borrowed. Back when they were just friends and she was crashing on his couch after one too many beers. The same shirt that’s now hanging loosely off her shoulder as she tries to tidy up after her rambunctious toddler, who’s currently making a mess pulling every record out from its cover and onto the floor.

Their wedding album hurt too much to keep. She couldn’t skim the pages without feeling sick. But she keeps one photo…she can’t not. There’s one photo taken at their wedding reception, Jo wasn't even aware of it being taken at the time. She's mid-spin, her hair fanning out around her, hand clutching Alex's tightly above her head. She looks so happy and carefree in that photo but that's not the reason she kept it, no she kept it because of the way Alex's looking at her in it. Like she was the only one in the room. He looks at her so intently that just the photo sets a fire deep inside her. No matter how painful the ending was, she knew how truly loved she was by him.

“Mommy…princess dress?” Luna asks, pulling the worn photo from its hiding space in an old record sleeve. Of course, she's found it, she’s into every draw and cupboard she can reach these days. Her eyes shine as she shakes the photo in Jo's direction.

“Yeah, mommy had a princess dress,” Jo agrees, lifting Luna up from the floor and settling them both on the couch. She’s too young to know that it's a wedding, too little to ask who the man holding her mother is. She was just excited that her mom looked like one of her favorite Disney characters. Jo stares down at the photo, it's not lost on her that she's sitting in the same spot the dance took place.

“Hey, Lulu?” Jo hums, pressing a kiss to the little girl's hair as she wriggles in her lap. “Shall we have a dance party?”

Jo hasn’t had much time to dance these last few years, hadn’t had much desire too but as she stares down at her daughter she suddenly feels the urge to dance again.

Luna nods, as Jo lifts her up off her lap before turning towards the old record player in the corner. She wipes her hand across the dust that’s settled on it before opening it up, taking a second for the slow melody to filter out. When she turns back Luna is already twirling around, her tutu flowing out around her.

Jo laughs as she lifts her baby girl up onto her hip, spinning them both. She throws her head back laughing as Luna squeals in delight, ordering Jo to keep spinning until they're both dizzy and their giggles drown out the music.

#tsjolexweek #alex karev #jolex #jo wilson #jo karev #greys anatomy #greys abc #justin chambers #greysanatony #greys #camilla luddington #jolex fanfiction #jolex fanfic #jolex oneshot

[forlornmelody]

The Fantabulous Vacation of One Harley Quinn and Her Girlfriend Poison Ivy

Rating: T (suggestive themes, cartoon violence)

Fandom(s): DC Comics

Ship: Poison Ivy/Harley Quinn

Linkage: Ao3

Summary:   Harley's been burning the wick at both ends and Ivy knows just the thing to help. But it takes more than just a change of scenery to get Harley to let go.

Note:  Commission for @rookie009

~*~*~*

“You’re probably wondering Mr---Watchman--”

“Tockman.” Mr. Watchman spits. “William Tockman.”

“Why I’ve brought you here today.”

Mr. Watchman rolls his eyes. “I imagine you’re going to tell me.” 

“Ah! Good. You’ve stopped struggling. Progress, Mister!” Harley boops him on the nose. Maybe she made the binding too tight? “I’m not cutting off your circulation, am I?” She leans in close. “Are you comfortable? I need you comfortable.” 

“I’m tied up in ropes, wench!”

“Ah, see! This is what I’m talking about!” Harley sits across from him and his fainting couch, pulling her pen from her bun and making a heading on her notepad. “You have a whore madonna complex.” Chewing her pen, she murmurs, “perhaps from the trauma of your wife’s death? Cystic Fibrosis, was it?”

Her new patient says nothing. “Mister?” Harley glances up. “Willy?”

“Help!” William Tockman dangles from his left ankle, suspended in air by a beefy vine.  “She’s gonna kill me!” 

“Oh please. You’re hardly worth the trouble.” Ivy steps around him and the vine, brushing the dust off her hands. “Hi Harls!” How she got the vines up this far on this abandoned apartment building, Harley has no idea. But it sure has a lot of brick to climb. 

“Ivy!” Harley doesn’t so much as hug her as ram her at full speed. 

Her target, used to such behavior by now, braces for impact and manages to hug back. Harley takes a big whiff. “Mm. Jasmine?”

“Lilacs.” Ivy peers over at Clock King. “You...uh, busy?”

“Mm yeah. A little tied up at the moment. Or he is, at least.”

“So I see.” Ivy chews her lip, staring out the window as if she had left a reminder there. She makes a face as the draft stirs some of the painting tarp discarded on the floor. “I was thinking maybe we could get out of town for a bit.”

“HELP.” 

“Are you asking for help, Billy? Or do you prefer Willy?”

“HELP ME! THESE WOMEN ARE CRAZY.” 

“Great!” Harley says brightly. “Admitting you need help is the first step towards healing!”

“Harls? Are you even listening?”

“You need help dismantling another CEO along with his company?”

“No.”

“Fundraiser for conservation efforts?”

“Harley--”

“Pride pre-game with Kitty?”

“Harleen.” That stops Harley short. Ivy never calls her that. Mostly cause she hates getting called Pamela with an undying passion. Probably childhood trauma. But Harley digresses. 

Ivy sighs. “Sorry. Look. I need a vacation. We need a vacation.”

“I need help!” 

“SHUT UP ALREADY.” Ivy and Harley say it together, and Ivy waves a hand, muffling Harley’s captive, er, patient with a particularly broad leaf. 

“Mm... I’m a little busy--”

Ivy glances at Tockman, finally. “I can see that.”

“Lemme look at my calendar. Mmm.. maybe...next year? Definitely the one after that.”

“Harls.”

“I know, I know. But there’s my derby team, missions with Task Force X, the Birds of Prey, my day job--”

“I know.” Ivy takes her hands, gently, and squeezes them. It’s the softness that stops Harley in her tracks. “It’s why you need some time off.”

“But--”

“Shh. I already have plane tickets and a hotel booked. You don’t have to plan a thing.”

Harley can’t help the blush creeping up on her cheeks. “Aww, shucks, Ives. When are we leaving?”

“Now. The plane’s departing in--shit. We gotta go.”

“MMRPH.” 

“Oh, right.” Ivy releases Clock King with a patented thud as she shoves Harley out the door. “Bye!”

-----

“So, we’re we goin’?” Harley pushes the arm rest out of the way and rests her chin on Ivy’s shoulder. She glances at Ivy’s phone as if it’ll give her some clues. She spots a sudoku puzzle. “Japan?”

“No.”

“The Amazon?”

“Nope.”

“Themyscyra?” 

Ivy gives her a look. “Really?”

“Er….my mom’s? Please say it’s not my mom’s.”

“It’s not your mom’s.”

“Thank God.”

“Also, why would we fly to your mom’s house when we could easily drive? Or take a commuter bus?”

“Good point. Mm.”

Ivy smooths Harley’s hair out of her eyes. “It’s a surprise.” She snatches a quick kiss before the flight attendant rolls by. “You’ll love it.”

In this moment, Harley’s pretty sure she’d love anywhere as long Ivy’s there with her. She’s lit up by the light of the tiny window behind her, and her crimson locks glow like an angel’s. But Harley knows well enough that neither of them are anywhere close to innocent. “Say, how’d you get us past security?”

Ivy winks at her. 

“No casualties?”

Her lover mockingly brushes her own chest like a scandalized church mouse. “I would never!” she snorts. “They’ll be fine. Just a little dazed and confused.”

Harley leans her head on Ivy’s shoulder. “I know the feelin’.” And really! Harley’s proud of her. Ivy’s never been one to follow rules or care for humans. But she tries for Harley. Why she bothers when Mistah J never seemed to care, Harley has no idea. But it means the world to her. 

-----

The taxi drops them off in front of a large revolving door. But it’s not the gold handles that capture Harley’s attention. 

It’s the lush plants growing from every nook and cranny on the place. Harley bets Ivy could spend an hour naming all of them (scientific names and personal names.) Butterflies and hummingbirds in every color of the rainbow--and the faint buzzing of bees. A solitary stream crosses their path, and a wooden bridge stretches over it. Garden terrace after garden terrace rise up from the ground to an open-air cafe at the top. 

And behind the walls and the hotel proper? A waterpark. 

Harley’s eyes go as big as saucers. “Ivy! You shouldn’t have!” She squeezes her into a hug.

“Thanks, sweet pea, but I can’t breathe.” Ivy manages to get out.

“Oof, sorry. Here ya go.” Harley releases her, and Ivy pecks her on the cheek. 

“Best part is, they’ve a zero-carbon footprint and they’re waste free.” Harley rarely sees her grin so wide.” 

“Whoa.”

“They call it The Greenhouse.”

-----

Their first day at the resort passes in a blur. Harley shows Ivy a good time in and out of their bedroom. They go snorkeling in the ocean, ride the rides so many times Harley ends up upchucking their picnic at the beach, then make love at sunset in their honeymoon suite. Harley wonders if the management thinks they’re--well, they’re as good as, aren’t they? They don’t need rings or a wedding or a place of their own or--

“Harley?”

She blinks. Ivy only calls her that when she’s worried. Harley realizes she’s been staring at the chocolates on their pillows for God knows how long. “Yeah?”

“You okay?”

“Of course!” she says automatically, pulling Ivy into another kiss.

Ivy kisses back, then runs a finger down her cheek. “You’d tell me if you weren’t, right?” The setting sun makes her hair even redder, which Harley didn’t think possible, and Harley finds herself toying with her curls. 

“Hey, I’ve been wonderin’.”

If Ivy notices the change in subject, she doesn’t mention it. “Yeah?”

“How come we haven’t seen any other guests? And how come we haven’t been arrested?”

“Oh! That.” Ivy waves a hand dismissively. “I rented out the whole resort.”

“With what money??”

Ivy shoots her a wicked look that sends shivers down Harley’s spine. “Ace Chemical’s investment fund.”

“Ooooh, you’re naughty.” 

Harley dives in for another kiss but Ivy puts a finger to her lips. And doesn’t let her suck on it. Rude. “So, are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?”

“Since we’ve got all this extra cash, wanna make a run at the casino? I hear they donate the proceeds to rainforest restoration.”

“Alright.” Ivy sighs and reaches for her dress. Harley has a sinking feeling that she’s going to bring this up later. Maybe if Harley’s lucky she’ll forget about it? Yeah. Ivy forgets things all the time. 

“Last one there buys the first round!”

-----

Ivy and Harley sit across from each other, an immaculate brunch setting between them and two mimosas. Her lover’s plate sits almost empty, and while Harley’s lies largely untouched. She keeps playing with her veggie egg white omelet, but the next bite never seems to make it to her mouth. “And then we can go for a walk on the beach later! Have you seen those beds? Right there on the water? Mm. Do you think anyone would hear us if we--”

“Harley, wait.”

“Like, the sound of the waves would cover it up, right? Mm. Maybe not. I’m loud. Not as loud as--”

“Harley, no. Stop. Stop.” Ivy presses her hands on either side of Harley’s face, drawing her to a standstill and inches away from her. “You don’t have to do this.��

“I want to!”

Ivy gives her a sad smile, shaking her head gently. “You don’t have to impress me, Harls. I love you.”

Harley, in typical Harley fashion, vibrates with energy. “But…I want this to be special. As special as y--”

“This vacation already is special. Cause you’re here with me.”

“But--” I’m not that special, Harley wants to say. But she knows Ivy won’t let her get away with saying that out loud. She wants to crawl underneath the tablecloth and hide until Ivy leaves. They always leave in the end. Once they get what they want. Mistah J--

“I love you, Harley Quinn.” Ivy takes her hand, gently, rubbing her thumb over her knuckles. “I’m not going anywhere.”

And maybe. Maybe it’s that she doesn’t know what to do if Ivy stays. It’s easier to love someone who doesn’t love her back. It’s safe. Ahem. Emotionally safe, Dr. Quinzel says inside her head. For once, Harley has nothing to say. She’s too busy trying to keep the tears from falling. 

“You don’t have to do anything. I already love you.” Ivy bites her lip--the way she always does when she’s thinking hard. Like how best to resurrect a drooping petunia or a rose bush that has a pest. She takes a deep breath, steeling herself. “And if it’s not too much--too early--to say this: I always will.” 

“You proposin’ or somethin’?” The words tumble out of Harley’s mouth before she can stop them. Her cheeks feel like they’re blushing as bright as Ivy’s hair. 

“I…” Ivy’s eyes widen. “I-I don’t have a ring on me.”

Shit. Fuck. ShitshitshitFuuuuuuuuuck. “I’msorryIdidn’tmeanit.” “It’s way too soon.” Harley puts on her best brave face--the same one she always put on when Bats showed up and Mistah J magically was nowhere to be found. “Marriage is so outda--”

“Harley.” Ivy puts her entire hand over her face. “Quinn.” “I never said I didn’t want to marry you.”

“Mmphwr?” 

“Who wouldn’t want to marry Harley Quinn? You’re amazing.” She traces her eyebrows. “You’re the smartest person I know.” Boops her nose. “You’re impossible to kill. Holy fuck.” Runs her fingertip across her bottom lip. “You…” Ivy presses her lips together, looking down at the table. “You helped me love again when I hated everyone.”

“Pam.” Fuck, she’s getting misty eyed. 

“I mean it. I was ready to wipe humanity off the map and start over.” She laughs a little, her voice rough as she wipes her cheek with the back of her hand. “But then you came along and nominated yourself my new shrink.”

“Don’t give me all the credit.” Wow, okay. Maybe she’s more than just misty-eyed. “You saved me too. From Mistah Jay. From Bats. From what woulda been a really boring life.”

Ivy’s smile slips slightly. “You’re not gonna die on me, are you Harls?”

Harley squeezes her hand. “Nah. You’re stuck with me.” Her words come out a little thick. “For richer or poorer.” 

Her lover leans in close, capturing her lips in a warm kiss. “That’s usually pretty literal for you.”

“HEY.” 

“It’s true! Guess I’ll have to see if Ace or maybe Lexcorp has any funds they won’t miss. I need to get that ring soon. Garnet? Spinel maybe?”

“Aww, shucks. How am I gonna be surprised now?”

Ivy scoffs. “If it’s a real surprise, it’s not a good time for a proposal.”

“But what if I want to be like those girls in those Tik Toks? Like where you propose to me but like I got my own box in my pocket?”

“Harley. A ring box wouldn’t fit in your tiny ass pockets, and you know it.”

“You know what would fit in my shorts?”

“Harleen Francis Quinzel.” Her laughter dissolves in a kiss and Harley pulls her back to their suite. They got a lot of planning to do. Though Harley has a pretty good feeling they’re not gonna get a whole lot of planning done today. But Harley’s okay with that. Pam’s always been the top of her to-do list anyway.

#harlivy #DC comics #poisonquinn #harley quinn #poison ivy #clock king #fluff isn't my usual so PLEASE tell me what you think #so sugary sweet you're gonna need to brush your teeth #melody writes #fluff

[pluviophile-bookworm]

AWAE 3x3 rewatch: thoughts and reactions

So I made a ginormous pause in between these again. I just wasn’t feeling up to the task, I guess. But it’s the anniversary of the premiere of AWAE, so what better day to do the penultimate one of these... Let’s just dive in because it’s been literal years since I first saw this episode and I remember literally nothing from it.

Oh my, Bash is just the best. And those baby chicks... well, I know what is most likely to happen to chickens on a farm when they grow older but... can we just maybe not think of that yet? Plus, seeing Mary keeps reminding me that soon I won’t be seeing her anymore. It’s safe to say I have mixed feelings about this cold open. Let’s move on.

Gosh, now they’re leaving Matthew alone with Delly, who is two types of people he’s uncomfortable around - a baby and a girl. But it’s fine, it will be just ‘a couple of hours’...

It is such a shame to think that Mary might have been saved... if she were white. People can be so awful. A human being is a human being. At least there are people like Dr. Ward and our protagonists who know that and act accordingly.

Oh... there’s that cute scene of Matthew showing Delly around Green Gables that I’ve seen in so many gifs... I can’t comment much on it so I’ll just sit back and enjoy. But before I go - Matthew is the best, most gentle man I’ve ever seen. He might be awkward around women and children, but he knows how to treat them right better than most people who are not awkward around them.

Oh gosh, the nappy! That kind of made me laugh out of place but, well, I just wanted to say - thank gods for Jerry and his many siblings. My boy knows how to change nappies.

Oh, they’ve got the printing press! Now that’s exciting! I feel like excitement is a good word to describe this episode, at least so far. We’ll see how I feel by the end of it. All I know is this is making me smile and I’ve really been needing that.

My, my, Ruby... I keep forgetting when it was that she got over Gilbert. Apparently it was not before mid-season, since she’s still in it way too deep. 

Oh wait... is this when things began happening between her and Moody? I mean, the way he gives her his handkerchief, you’d think ever since he stopped trying to make Diana and her ‘very blue’ dress notice him, he’s been sitting back and watching Ruby from afar, hoping he can, somehow, compare to Gilbert. The best part is, in just a bit, he won’t need to. Boy, do I need a fourth season even if just to see these two develop... and for Diana and Jerry to make up, and just in general to see the kids being all grown up... now I feel like crying because we’ll very probably never get it... ok, moving on.

Anne: Sometimes life finds gifts in the darkest of places./ Marilla: Indeed. Wait, was this Marilla’s way of telling Anne she loves her? This is just the best. 

The contrast between scenes dealing with Mary and the rest of the episode is just so stark, it’s jarring. It’s like, you never know the darkness someone might be sinking into  while everybody else is bathing in the light. You know, everybody involved in making this episode, and the show in its entirety, made it so poetic, and yet it’s not. It’s absolutely devastating. And now Gilbert can’t even tell Mary that she’s got no more than two weeks left. This is the worst. 

You know, Anne is right. Caring deeply will always be the right thing. I mean, it’s natural for Gilbert to doubt himself at this time, especially since the tragedy is happening to his own found family. You know, there’s something my mum taught me to do when I’m watching something and I can’t bear the subject matter of it - focus on the acting. And right now I’m just blown away by the superb performance by these incredible young people. But I really can’t bear to focus on the plot right now. And the acting being that good doesn’t particularly help me to detach myself from the story.

You know, tragic as what’s happening to Mary certainly is, it’s somehow lucky she has Anne in her life now that she’s about to leave her own daughter to grow up motherless. Because if only Anne’s parents had an orphan tell them what an orphaned child needs most, Anne’s own experience might have been very different. Mary is a very smart woman for realising that and talking to Anne about it. Because life is not about lamenting what we didn’t have. It’s about making sure we do what is in our power to make it easier for others if we can.

Ah, yes. Racism and ‘White Man’s Burden’ mentality are still very much a thing present here. I guess this here is the first mention of that horrible prison of a school that Ka’kwet would be sent to. This is. The. Worst.

I just can’t bear to listen to this guy. ‘Heathens’ - you mean people with a rich culture and belief system beyond your privileged straight white male comprehension? ‘Teach them all things civilised’ - you mean erase their own, I repeat, rich culture, and replace it with your white man’s ideas of civilisation? What deity fell from the heavens and made you God? And the way Rachel totally agrees with this guy, it just makes me sick. As if that guy would hesitate to discriminate against you on the basis of you being a woman! I just can’t with this. Let’s move on.

‘Be sure you marry for love. Only for love.’ Don’t worry, Mary, he will. Not before a huge, long period of confusion, mind you. But he’ll come to his senses eventually. People do stupid things when they’re young. That’s how they know they’ve lived it to the fullest.

Rachel just baffles me, you know. And Marilla, too, isn’t quite faultless here. How can you be so accepting of one kind of POC, yet so cruel to another? Then I remember their initial reactions to meeting Bash. They were not the most accepting at first. Yet they can see how they’ve now grown to accept and care deeply about Bash and Mary and Delphine. Why can’t they give Ka’kwet’s people a chance like this?

‘You may well have saved some Indians today’... Saved them? From what? Being free to practice their own culture? You know, white people can be so very ignorant... and I say that as a very white person. I’m just ashamed of everything my ethnicity has done to literally every other ethnicity.

‘I don’t wanna die’... You know, sometimes I do, and right now that makes me feel so ashamed. I should really think of Mary and also every real person who had an untimely death whenever I’m having those thoughts again. We should all learn to appreciate life so much more.

So this is the one with Mary’s Easter... this is beautiful. I might have to rescind my ‘excitement’ statement from earlier, but there is still a theme of beauty, love and family throughout this. Well, technically throughout the entire series, but especially here. I love this. 

Delphine with a flower crown is the cutest thing ever...

Minnie May: She looks like a chocolate candy. I just... took notice of how the background music abruptly stopped. You know, coming from an older person, this would sound... not at all ok. But this 7-year-old didn’t mean any harm, and they realise it after a brief moment of panic in their eyes. Still... black people don’t call us, idk, butter or something. We should not compare their skin colour to chocolate.

Their singing is absolutely beautiful. But let’s be real - in a real-life situation, most of the people would be way off-key and those harmonies would be impossible to arrange. Still, for this beauty, I am willing to suspend my disbelief for miles. Also, that prayer at the end... well, I’m not Christian, but I am religious, and I know the power of a prayer as poetic as this one. However hard it must have been for Mary to know she wouldn’t live, it must have been a great consolation to know she would go in such a way, surrounded by so much beauty and love, and light. Well, that ending was bittersweet! But I absolutely loved this episode. Except for the racist parts that made me absolutely livid. It’s so frustrating to know there is still so much hate in the world based just on minor superficial differences between people. Yet it would have been even more frustrating if we didn’t have people in the world like our protagonists (and especially the protagonist, Anne). It is such an absolute shame that this show, and others like it, got cancelled over some trivial issues and wasn’t given the proper chance to develop its positive messages even further. But still, even with just the 27 episodes it was given, it was able to cover so much ground. I don’t know what to say. AWAE is just supreme.

Let’s sum up: the final weeks of Mary’s life; racial prejudice might have just cost this lovely woman, a wife and a mother, her life; Matthew showing Delly around Green Gables is the sweetest thing; the first press-printed issue of The Avonlea Gazette, with a significant typo; and thus, a ship was born; subtle ways of saying those three little words; ‘Caring deeply will always be the right thing.’; the legacy of a mother; ‘White Man’s Burden’ mentality is alive and dangerous; double standards regarding the acceptance of POC; Mary’s Easter; going surrounded by a loving community.

#anne with an e #awae #anne with an e season 3 #awae season3 #anne shirley cuthbert #gilbert blythe #diana barry #jerry baynard #ruby gillis #moody spurgeon #jane andrews #josie pye #tillie boulter #marilla cuthbert #matthew cuthbert #bash lacroix #mary lacroix #delphine lacroix #rachel lynde #jnk watches awae

[ofaprilflowers]

- part 2: home? - 

warnings: descriptions of injuries, not too detailed.

tags: shout out to my first-ever requested tags, @sista7-7​  @softieus​ and @marrambles​ yay! Thank you for reading and sorry for the late update TT. Hope you guys enjoy :)

disclaimers: I am not a medical professional, this is all part of my imagination and totally made-up therefore is in no way accurate. If you find any part I could improve on, do tell. I would appreciate the feedback. Other than that, enjoy! <3

previous/next

It took another week for me to finally be discharged. A week of rehabilitation and physiotherapy (which Dr. Hwang said would be continued after my discharge TT). I had lost strength in my extremities and also my sense of balance. This, I found out after almost falling down right on my face when I attempted to climb out of bed for the first time. Almost, well because thankfully, he was there. 

My parents had arrived the night I woke up. My mother immediately cupping my face, tears brimming in her eyes while my father just took my hand in his and smiled every time I looked his way. 

It felt surreal, honestly. My family and I were close. But we were not exactly the type to be crying and holding each other, or professing our love for each other. We were the laugh-at-each-other’s-life-problems-cuz-I-had-it-worse-than-you type of family. Then again, for me it felt like I was waking up from a long nap, while for them, they didn’t know whether I would make it or not so, fair enough.

Turns out, the accident was pretty bad. My head had to be stitched up and so now there was a nasty gash above my left eye (it was definitely gonna scar but let’s not think about that right now). My arms where full of cuts and scrapes from the broken windshield. My legs and chest, badly bruised. Dr. Hwang said they had healed fairly well in the past two weeks, but I still cringed at how ugly they looked every time I caught a glimpse. He also mentioned that I was lucky not to have sustained any other serious injuries other than my head trauma. I was grateful of course, but losing my memory was deleterious enough. 

I woke up every morning feeling confused as to why the heck I was at a hospital and it took a few groggy minutes to remember. Sometimes it took seeing Jaehyun- either curled up asleep on the armchair or standing next to the window with a cup of coffee in hand- for me to come crashing back into reality. 

I learnt through my mother- who had attempted to fit the past 2 weeks of my unconsciousness along with the last 6 years into a 2 day crash-course- that Jaehyun was the only one who stayed at the hospital every day and night. My mother had stayed the first week, as my condition stabilised however, she opted to visiting daily. That also depended on whether my father was available to drive her 45 minutes to the hospital from home. You see, my parents were rational people, but I couldn’t help but feel a tinge of hurt. I mean I was laying unconscious on a hospital bed yet there were still other important stuff to be handled. Well, as they say, life goes on, right? Kind of made me think if I had just hallucinated the tears brimming in her eyes the other day.

While my mother would babble on about looking on the bright side and starting my life again, Jaehyun’s presence was like having a burden be lifted. I know I’ve lived most of our “acquaintence-ship” hating him, but I made a mental note to properly thank him for this in particular. On every occasion that my head felt like it was about to burst from the overwhelming information my mother was flooding me with, he’d interject, naturally bringing her focus to something other than trying to piece me back together. Often times he’d ask her to join him for a cup of coffee, or show her things he was currently working on. I’d close my eyes then and pretend to fall asleep.

“So, you’re saying, I should continue my life ‘as normal as possible’. Meaning?” We (the doctor and I) were currently in his office. By tomorrow morning I was finally leaving. Goodbye to the sanitary, boring hospital, hello to......well, life?

The doctor had explained all the procedures and follow-up appointments that were to come. Both to Jaehyun and I. Then, we talked about going home and that’s when I realised, home had changed. I don’t know how we had avoided addressing it, or maybe I was the only one in denial of it. I mean throughout the week after regaining consciousness, although Jaehyun was there, we barely talked. Mostly because I became a selective mute, and he, well I guess he was respecting my space?

Dr. Hwang had noticed the awkward silence that had passed after he mentioned about going home and quickly changed the subject, calling in a nurse to guide Jaehyun in signing my discharge papers or something. After he left, the doctor didn’t hesitate in putting on what I call his “uncle-face”.

“As normal as possible, meaning that it’s better if you return to your daily routines prior to the accident,” he explained for the nth time.

I fidgeted in my seat. “But, wouldn’t that cause me more distress? It’s a life a barely know.” “Astrid,” he began, straightening his back. “I understand how hard it my be for you to wrap you head around all this. 6 years is a lot. But it is your life. Your experiences and memories throughout that period were real, and you deserve to remember them. You need to give your life a chance.”

Well, damn. He had a point. He should’ve been a therapist instead.

“And, what if my memories don’t come back?” I prodded.

“Well then, at least maybe you’ll learn more about yourself.” Okay, then. Here we go, Astrid.

We live in a loft?!?!

Pretty sure my eyes were bulging out of my head but wow.

Eyes wandering around the space, I tried to take in everything at once. This was certainly NOT what I had expected. This can’t be real right? I must absolutely be dreaming.

“Welcome...home?” Jaehyun said.

My head snapped in his direction, mouth agape. He smiled sheepishly, his infamous dimples popping out, his hands tucked into his jean pockets, his shoulders lifted briefly. He looked like a child, shyly presenting to the world his greatest creation. I almost smiled. Almost. 

“You like it?” he asked.

I scoffed. “For real?”

My eyes turned back to the space he had referred to as home. Well, it didn’t feel like home (yet. Remember Astrid we’re giving this a chance), but yes, I absolutely love it!

I took in my surroundings again and this time, couldn’t help the smile that crept up my cheeks. 

The space was gorgeous. It was big, but not huge. It was small, but not tiny. It was spacious enough to have everything and more. There was an L-shaped sofa that could probably fit 5 or maybe even 7 people if squeezed in together. There were even 2 more smaller ones in front of it. Perfect for a small gathering. Opposite the living room was a kitchen, with a small kitchen island. God, I’ve always dreamed of having an island. There was another floor and at the stairs leading up to it were ceiling-high windows with a bumped-out seat, all set with pillows on one end and potted plants on the other. It looked like the perfect spot to read or stargaze at night. I walked into the living room, the brick walls were covered in framed movie posters and artwork, some smaller frames containing pictures which I guessed were probably a collection of memories.

I stepped closer and caught a glimpse of some familiar faces in unfamiliar settings. One photo caught my eye. It was a photo I remember, taken earlier this ye- I mean well, early 2017, right after graduation. I was sandwiched between Jungwoo and Ten, holding up a peace sign to the camera. Jaehyun on Jungwoo’s other side, hand around the latter’s shoulders. Others in the picture smiling widely, so many poses, so many expressions. Literally, it felt like yesterday. 

“You remember that?” Jaehyun probed. 

I smiled. “Yeah, just a couple weeks before Taeil’s birthday bash, right?”

Then, something flickered in my mind. Of Jaehyun, smirking at a table with his friends, of them exchanging words and laughter, of me hearing something I probably shouldn’t have. Jaehyun had many circles of friends, being the typical extroverted, super-friendly campus sweetheart. This circle was one I wasn’t quite familiar with, least to say I didn’t really like them. I felt my cheeks heat up as my blood boiled at the thought of that memory.

“You wanna see upstairs?” Jaehyun’s voice pulled me back into reality. I turned to look at him. He was standing right next to me, looking almost exactly the same as the Jaehyun I knew. The Jaehyun that I couldn’t stand being in the same room with. The Jaehyun that always had a competitive, mischievous glint in his eye. The Jaehyun that would take every chance he got to argue with everything I said. The Jaehyun that made me feel like I had to defend everything I had. 

There was a slight difference, though. The competitive, mischievous glint was somehow...softer. It made me confused, because I was angry, but looking at him now, I don’t know who to be angrier at. Me, or him?

“Ummm, I think, I just- I just wanna lie down,” I tore my eyes away from him and took a step back, putting just a little more distance between him and I.

I saw his fists clench and unclench a bit at his sides. A moment passed until he said, “Yeah. Sure,” walking back towards the doors he picked up my hospital bag and gestured towards a room behind him.

“This is actually, um, our bedroom, but don’t worry, I’ve moved most of my stuff upstairs so this space is all yours,” dropping the bags on the bed, he stepped aside to allow me in. It was a beautiful room, with slanted windows, decorated with some more plants. 

“So, feel free to look around, get used to the place and all. Oh yeah, um, this is the bathroom,” he opened a door on the left of the room, then gestured toward a closet in front of the bed, “Your pyjamas are in the top drawer and, uh, well, um, everything else is-”

“I’ll take a look,” I smiled at him briefly.

His eyes landed on mine for a moment, then quickly looked away. 

“Yeah, okay, so um, I’ll be outside, if you need anything just, um,” his hands, one scratching at the back of his neck, the other gesturing undecidedly, “yeah.”

“Okay,” I said.

“Okay,” he replied. He stood there for a second, then turned to leave the room.

“Jeahyun?”

“Hmm?” he snapped his head towards me, eyebrows lifted in question.

“Thank you,” I breathed.

I saw a bit of tension leave his body. “You don’t need to thank me, Astrid,” he replied softly. “This is- this is your home too.” With a tight-lipped smile, he closed the door behind him.

#jaehyun #jung jaehyun #nct jaehyun #nct 127 jaehyun #nct u jaehyun #jaehyun jung #jaehyun fic #jaehyun fics #jaehyun au #jaehyun aus #jaehyun angst #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun x OC #jaehyun drabble #jaehyun drabbles #jaehyun imagine #jaehyun imagines #nct fic #nct fics #nct au #nct aus #nct angst #nct fluff #nct blurb #nct blurbs #nct imagine #nct imagines #nct 127 #nct 127 au #nct 127 aus

[neopuff]

title: geneva word count: ~3500 ship: six/holiday summary: Six decides to visit Holiday. Takes place during/immediately after Grounded. warning: sex is mentioned and referenced to ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29868594

The Global Field Exercises were meant to test Providence soldiers and scientists for the possibility of more worldwide events - problems that could lead to necessary collaboration between agents of Providence and the hundreds of other smaller, national organizations dedicated to taking care of EVOs within each country.

Though they had the funding to be the international superpower of EVO containment and curing, Providence couldn’t handle everything and not everyone wanted to play nice. And so they started the biannual field exercises in the hopes to smooth over any rough patches with more reputable organizations and to remind the world that their mission was all about peace and a cure.

As Rex had so aptly stated before Six took off to Tokyo - his mission involved ninjas. Specifically, he was asked to reach out to one of the largest EVO-fighting organizations in the world. They were not ninja in the traditional sense, but the rest of the world referred to them as such and they seemed to enjoy the comparison, so they’d named their organization NINJA just a few years after The Event.

The exercises were supposed to be just three days - Holiday complained that it wasn’t enough time for her to get any real work done while Rex whined that he’d be alone and bored for too long. Six felt it was an adequate amount of time since their relationship with NINJA was already very good. Providence had a few bases in Japan and made sure to reach out regularly from their California headquarters.

Six stuffed his hands in his pockets at the realization that he was finished earlier than expected. There wasn’t much for him to do, and White Knight was busy dealing with some Rex nonsense back at home so he didn’t feel a desperate urge to come back and help with that.

He headed back to his jump jet and pulled out his phone to check the time. Immediately he was distracted by a missed text from Dr. Holiday - all it said was ‘Have fun in Japan!’ but he felt bad for having not responded to it for so long.

The words stared up at him and Six huffed out a loud exhale. She was in Geneva at the moment, and if he left Tokyo right that very second, he’d arrive at CERN a little after dinnertime.

He felt his face heat up as he thought more about this. They had recently made...a change to their relationship. Six wasn’t sure what to make of it entirely. Her feelings for him had been obvious for a while and though she seemed generally aware of his feelings, she’d always kept things professional and respected his need for space. It was just another in the long list of things he appreciated about her.

Showing up at her hotel while not technically on assignment was a whole different thing, though. There was a certain expectation for that sort of thing and though he definitely wanted that with her, he didn’t want to rush things. They hadn’t even kissed yet, thanks to an EVO interrupting their first attempt at a date and Rex interrupting the second.

There were certainly a number of reasons why he shouldn’t go to Geneva during his unexpected free time. But...

...he did want to see her, though. No question about it. Perhaps he could just stop by on his way back to the States and tell her he felt like taking the long way home.

She wouldn’t believe him but she wouldn’t call him out on it, either.

With that thought in mind, and remembering the new life rule he’d adopted after his brush with death just a few weeks earlier - Six started up the jet and made his way west. He needed to be more honest with himself and focus less on why not to do something. He could die any day, with or without the Nanite Event, and both he and Holiday deserved to figure out where this could go.

-

Thanks to being one of the highest ranking officers in Providence, Six enjoyed the clearance to learn exactly where Holiday was staying without having to notify anyone that he was looking. And thanks to his face and suit being the most famous part of Providence at the moment (thanks to that stupid news program), he was able to make his way into the hotel without much trouble.

It was right as he reached her door that Six started to think this was a terrible idea. What was he going to say to her, exactly? That he was in the neighborhood and wanted to say hi? That he couldn’t stop thinking about her and desperately wanted to see her after barely a weekend apart? His thoughts drifted between too casual and too romantic and he didn’t want to push her away by not getting this right.

It’d been over half a decade since he was with a woman and he’d never - not once in his entire life - had a real romantic relationship. Holiday was important to him and if he disappointed her, he’d be tremendously ashamed.

He stared at his slightly raised fist and took a deep breath. He was already here, so there was no turning back. Might as well dive in unprepared and let his brain work its magic in real time.

Three knocks later and his heart skipped a beat at the sound of her voice.

“Just a second!”

True to her word, she opened up the door a moment later and her eyes immediately widened in shock.

“Six?” Holiday exclaimed, quickly poking her head out of the doorway and looking down the hallway. “What are you doing here? Is something wrong?”

“No,” he said with a frown as he realized he should’ve brought her flowers or chocolates or something like that. “I just...finished early.”

Holiday stared up at him, one eyebrow furrowed and one raised as if she thought he’d said something very very strange. “So you...came here?”

His hands went right back into his pockets. “I wanted to see you.”

The tinge of pink that hit her cheeks did not go unnoticed and Six was happy to know he must’ve said something right. Holiday smiled and tugged some hair behind her ear. She looked down at the floor for a minute, clearly considering her next move, before looking back at him. “Do you...wanna come in?”

He nodded and made his way inside her room as soon as she moved out of the way. He wondered if the intimacy of this situation was about to become an elephant in the room. Holiday closed - and locked - the door before walking past him to her desk and sitting down to continue what she was working on.

“Sorry, I just need to finish writing something down, give me two minutes,” she mumbled and started scribbling faster.

Six watched her work with slight interest and took a moment to look around the room. With no other chairs available, he sat on the edge of her bed, hands still in his pockets. He thought back to when he was younger and more suave and wondered if Holiday would’ve preferred someone more like that - someone who could really sweep her off her feet.

“Were you able to test your anti-matter theory?”

Holiday finished the sentence she was writing and turned to him, smiling. “Yes! I can’t believe how much I’ve managed to get done in the past two days. Everyone’s been so cooperative and helpful and I worked through the night to quadruple check everyone’s work on the particle accelerator and it’s looking great.”

He raised an eyebrow at her and chose not to comment on how she needed to sleep better. “Last time you were here you said it wasn’t enough time to get anything done.”

She laughed and shrugged. “Well, last time was different. Dr. Moses was here presenting some theories and everyone was so focused on him that I was mostly working alone. Not much of a team exercise.”

Six straightened his back and frowned. “Has anyone here heard from Dr. Moses? Any clue to his whereabouts?”

Holiday placed her hands on her lap and glanced off to the side. “No, no one seems to know anything. They’ve all heard he was a fraud but that’s about the extent of anyone’s knowledge.”

She stood up and walked over to the bed, taking a seat next to Six. “I’m trying not to advertise my gullibility so I haven’t said anything.”

Six turned to her seriously. “He took advantage of you when you were vulnerable. That’s not your fault.” If he was being honest, he did fault her a little bit, but he knew how difficult it was to think clearly when you felt like you don’t have any hope left.

Holiday breathed out a short laugh, staring down at her hands. “Yes, well, my fault or not, I won’t be going on any expensive vacations for a long time.”

Thinking about her emptied bank account set him on edge. Without realizing exactly what he was doing, Six reached out his right hand and placed it gently on top of her left. “I’ll make sure you get your money back. Moses won’t get away with it.”

She turned to him and smiled shyly, a light blush gracing her cheeks again. He couldn’t will himself to look away from her face even as she opened her hand and interlocked her fingers with his.

“Thank you, Six, I really…” She glanced away from his gaze as she considered her words. “...I really appreciate it.”

He turned to stare at their hands. “Don’t thank me til I find him.”

“No, I mean…” She paused and scooted a little closer to him, then leaned against his arm with her head on his shoulder and he could practically hear her heart beating faster. She moved her right hand on top of their locked fingers and squeezed his hand tighter. “...thank you for everything. And for being here now.”

He squeezed back and wondered if his heartbeat was just as loud.

Holiday continued to stare at their hands and took a few moments to consider the situation she was in. The man of her dreams had flown 6,000 miles to visit her and now they were completely alone, for the first time in ages, in her hotel room which was locked and relatively soundproof and oh god she was not prepared at all, she hadn’t been with anyone in years and this was Six and it had to be absolutely perfect and she was so tired but she was so excited to have him here and if they didn’t do this now then when could they? There couldn’t be a better time and place.

“Holiday…”

“Hm?” she responded as she pulled away from him.

“I...um, I realize that my being here is...suggestive.” He was mumbling a bit, which Holiday found adorable for reasons completely beyond her. “But I didn’t come here with any expectations. I just...thought it’d be...nice.”

Nice. She had such mixed feelings about that word, thanks to him. But everything else he said was adding to the warmth in her chest and she knew she had to say something or do something before he got the wrong idea and left. Expectations or not, she had to try.

Holiday ripped her hands away from his and without giving him even a moment to miss the sensation, she’d moved them to the sides of his face and tugged him down just the slightest bit so she could meet him halfway.

Six’s reflexes were faster than most, but it did take him a second to register just exactly what was happening. Holiday’s lips on his felt better than he ever imagined (and he had imagined it quite a lot more often than he’d care to admit). Her thumbs rubbed gently against his cheeks and he quickly wrapped one arm around her waist as she adjusted herself to face him entirely, one of her knees bent under her and her other leg dangling over the side of the bed.

Almost instinctively, Six reached down and grabbed her dangling thigh to pull her fully onto his lap. He would’ve worried that was too forward if not for Holiday immediately grinding against him and lightly biting his bottom lip.

She was going to be the death of him, he could tell. And he really didn’t mind.

Her hands made their way to the back of his head while his hands snaked up her thighs, stopping with his fingertips just under her skirt as she distracted him with her lips and her tongue and her groans.

While one of his hands finally made its way under the fabric to properly squeeze her thigh, he brought his other arm around her waist again and slowly turned them around to lay her down on the bed. Her legs had wrapped around his waist and she kept her lips moving against his, simply humming in affirmation as he kissed her back with fervor.

She tugged at his jacket and Six quickly tore it off without moving away from her, tossing it somewhere and thinking about how he wanted her coat off, too.

Rather than focus on herself, Holiday reached down and started to untie his tie, which proved to be more difficult from her angle than she anticipated. He broke their kiss and backed up a few inches to give her more space to work and as the fabric finally came loose it really hit him that this was actually happening.

Just as that thought came to mind, Holiday seemed to freeze. She was still breathing heavily, her chest rising and falling rapidly, but her hands were unmoving against the top button of his shirt.

He wrapped a hand around one of her wrists. “What’s wrong?”

She blinked up at him and shook her head. “Nothing, sorry, sorry!” she said nervously, moving her fingers back to his button.

Six squeezed her wrist and pulled her hand away from him. “Maybe we should...slow down.”

“N-no, no,” Holiday yelped, shaking her head. “It’s nothing like that, I just-” She was interrupted by her own yawn, which she kept small and hidden under a hand, but her face lit up in embarrassment all the same.

He smirked down at her. “That’s certainly not my best review.”

She moved her hand up to cover her face but knew there was no point in hiding it now. “It’s absolutely not that - I do want y-this, I…” She couldn’t look him in the eyes and turned her head away while moving her hands to his shoulders. “...so much. But it’s just…”

Six moved one of his hands to her face, pushing her bangs out of the way and cradling her temple so his thumb rested under her eye. She looked tired - not the most tired he’d ever seen from her, but certainly not awake enough for this. He thought back to what she’d told him just ten minutes earlier and asked, “When’s the last time you slept?”

Holiday smiled guiltily and squeezed his shoulders. “Um...38 hours ago? Give or take?”

He shook his head and leaned down to kiss her, just briefly, before leaning up again and rubbing his thumb against her cheek. “You should go to sleep, Doctor.”

She nodded reluctantly, a deep red still visible across her cheeks. “I know this is terrible timing when this is literally the best possible time and place for this but I really want our first, um...well, I’m just rather not be so out of it.”

Six wrapped his arm around her waist again and tugged her up into a seated position, feeling awkward trying to have an entire conversation while leaning over her. “I meant what I said before. And there’ll be plenty of other...opportunities.”

Holiday smiled at him warmly. “It’s hard enough to get a full night’s sleep without interruption at Providence, I can’t imagine trying to work sex into my schedule.”

He almost laughed at that - almost; relationship or not he was still Six - and instead leaned closer to her, his mouth hovering less than an inch from her ear. “We’ll just have to go on a trip together, then.”

She shuddered at the feeling of his breath against her ear and blushed somehow even deeper at his words. “I guess we will.”

Six smiled at her and she smiled back warmly, feeling the awkwardness and anxiety of this relationship development completely fading away. She wasn’t unconfident about Six’s feelings for her but she never knew exactly what that meant for them or what he was comfortable with and she didn’t want to push him too far, but god did she want him badly. She had for years and now that she actually had the chance, she was too tired for it. That was just great.

He leaned down and pressed another brief kiss against her lips. “I should head back to headquarters,” he said as he stood up.

“O-oh?” Holiday mumbled. “You don’t have to go. I mean, if you want to stay, that is.” She groaned internally at her own nervousness. Wasn’t she just thinking about how she was feeling more confident about their relationship?

Six stared down at her, glancing at her bed and then back at her. “Do you want me to?”

“Yes!” she answered quickly - a bit too quickly and enthusiastically for her own liking but it was too late to change that now. “I’d...I’d really like you to stay.”

He nodded and sat back down next to her. “I’ll head back in the morning, then.”

Holiday tucked some hair behind her ear again, having just noticed how messed up her bun got during their little make-out session. “That sounds good. If White noticed us coming back together he’d probably make a huge fuss over nothing.”

“He would.” Six didn’t need to regale Holiday with stories of all the things Knight had suggested about their relationship over the years, and he certainly wouldn’t be informing his former partner of this new development.

He stood up and reached down to grab his jacket and tie off the floor. “You should get to sleep, Doctor.”

She followed suit. “And where are you going?”

“Just have to grab some things from my jump jet.” He took a step closer to her. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

Holiday stood up on her tip-toes to kiss him again, realizing at that moment that was going to get addicted to the feeling of his lips on hers. Keeping this from Rex was going to be a challenge, that was certain.

Six nodded at her and grabbed her room key before heading out the door. Holiday watched him go and sunk back down onto the bed so she could properly soak in everything that just happened.

Her heart started beating faster and she couldn’t stop smiling. He was…! They were…! She laid down on the bed and closed her eyes, trying to will her heartbeat to settle down, but she couldn’t stop thinking about the feeling of his lips and his hands and his…well. His everything. She stayed like that for a minute and then tried to sit up, but her entire body had shut down and decided it was time to go to sleep.

When Six entered the room again, he was not surprised to find Holiday fast asleep, still in her work clothes, and only halfway on the bed. He put his overnight bag down and walked over to help her out.

Dragging her into her bed after she overworked herself was something he’d done a hundred times before, but the domesticity was really hitting him and Six felt himself blush as he tugged off her labcoat and boots and picked her up into his arms. He managed to get her under the covers and hesitantly reached down and tugged at her hair tie until it snapped and her bun fell apart.

He stared at the broken elastic and tossed it onto the table. He thought about just leaving anyway, but...she’d asked him to stay. So he quickly changed and put his sunglasses down on the nightstand before quietly crawling under the covers. He felt oddly exposed next to her despite her being fast asleep, and started his usual pre-sleep breathing exercises.

A few moments later, he felt Holiday reach out and grab his arm. He looked over at her and saw she was still very much asleep - even as she tugged him closer and scooted herself over she didn’t seem to have any awareness of her actions. She stopped moving once her head had reached his shoulder and Six felt himself blush at how comfortable and natural she looked.

He could definitely get used to this.

#generator rex #holix #agent six #rebecca holiday #dr. holiday #carrofics #ok after reading this think about six minus six taking place like 2-3 days later #heh

[creepercraftguy]

I decided I wanted to try one of those DR Ask meme’s, but I decided to do it a little differently and I’m just gonna answer all the questions.

This one is made by @muzumi-san but I didn’t repost theirs because I don’t want them to directly see my shitty opinions.

1. Favourite game?

Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair. It just had the best characters, best plot twists and best trials in my opinion.

2. Favourite Protagonist?

It depends. If it’s in terms of writing, Shuichi. Otherwise, it’s either Hajime, or Kaede.

3. Favourite antagonistic character?

Kokichi is my favorite in general of the three, but as an antagonist, I like Nagito more.

4. Favourite character?

Kokichi Ouma. I know, he’s a fan favorite and you’re probably sick of hearing him get talked about, but dude, he’s just great.

5. Best girl?

Mahiru Koizumi.

6. Best boy?

Gonta Gokuhara or Gundham Tanaka.

7. Favourite class trial from all the games?

For Game 1, it’s Case 2. I love the twists and use of the Red Herring aspect in regards to the locker room. For Game 2, Case 4 is my favourite, but Case 5 is the better one in terms of mystery. For Game 3, Case 4. The fact you have to rely on video game logic to solve the case is really neat.

8. Least favourite character?

Without a doubt, Yasuhiro Hagakure, for several reasons that I’ve stated previously.

9. Least favourite class trial?

Game 3, Case 3. That whole case was just bullshit after Bullshit.

10. What would be your Ultimate Title?

Ultimate Animator, like Mitarai, but you know...Better.

11. Favourite cast?

As I’ve already mentioned, Danganronpa 2. My least favorite member of that cast is Akane, but even her, and the more disliked characters like Teruteru and Hiyoko, I love all of them. They’re all great.

12. Favourite Danganronpa 3 character?

Seiko Kimura. She’s such a fun character who I think deserved better.

13. What’s your opinion on the Danganronpa 3 anime?

I fucking hate it. The only episodes of it that I actually consider to be good, are the first two episodes of Despair Arc, and the final episode. The characters and cast genuinely piss me off half the time, especially Juzo, Munakata and Ruruka, and the writing was just generally shit throughout the entire thing.

14. What do you think about Danganonpa 1 anime?

I actually think it’s alright. Video Game anime’s tend to not be as good as the games (unless it’s Persona 4′s animation, which was actually awesome) and the same goes for Danganronpa. The game is generally more enjoyable than the anime, but the anime wasn’t bad all things considered.

15. Your absolute OTP?

SAI-MAT-SU! SAI-MAT-SU! SHIP-THAT-GETS-SHIT-ON-TOO-MUCH! SAI-MAT-SU! SAI-MAT-SU!

16. Your absolute BROTP?

I guess Sakuraoi? I get why people ship them, but Sakura is one of the characters who canonically has a boyfriend, and I just think they make really good friends other than girlfriends. No disrespect for anyone who likes them together though.

17. Do you have an OT3? Which one?

I’m not crazy about my OT3′s, since they’re mostly two characters who are romantically involved, with a third wheel/wingman on the side, but yes, I do have at least one for each game. For the first game, it’s Chishimondo (Taka, Mondo and Chihiro) for the second game it’s Sonsoudam (Sonia, Gundham and Kazuichi) and the third game, it’s Tenhimiangie (Tenko, Himiko and Angie)

18. Favourite rare ship?

There’s a ship I like called Nagiseiko or Komamura, which is Nagito Komaeda x Seiko Kimura.

19. Who do you think is an underrated character?

There are quite a few, like Nekomaru and Mahiru for instance, but I absolutely have to say Mondo. He has arguably some of the best characterization among the DR1 cast, and he’s my favorite killer in the first game purely because of his backstory and motive, and how he reflects upon the second case’s whole theme, and yet nobody seemed to focus on that importance. God Speed, you wonderful JoJo reference.

20. Who do you think is an overrated character?

Please don’t hurt me when I say this, but absolutely Chiaki. Many can chew me out for liking Kokichi, who in himself is overrated, but for a deuteragonist, Chiaki really doesn’t do an awful lot until Chapter 4-5

21. Favourite voice actor?

In terms of performance, either Derek Stephen Prince (Fuyuhiko and Kokichi) or Marieve Herington (Celeste)

22. Favourite talent?

Ultimate Detective. Shuichi and Kyoko are both really cool.

23. Favourite mascot?

Monokuma, duh! Compared to Monomi and the Monokubs, neither of them have shit on him.

24. Favourite Monokub?

1000% Monodam. All of them suck, except for him. (And Monotaro’s fine for the most part, but Monodam will always be the best)

25. Least favourite mascot?

Mono-fucking-phanie.

26. Favourite execution?

Leon Kuwata’s, the 1000 Blows. As they say, you never forget your first.

27. Least favourite execution?

Mikan Tsumiki’s, Bye Bye Ouchies. For reasons I don’t think I even need to state.

28. Favourite unused execution?

I really like Kazuichi’s unused execution that involves the drill.

29. Which character should survived in your opinion?

If we’re talking characters I wanted to survive, then I would’ve loved to see Chihiro make it to the end of DR1. As much as I love the importance of his passing, I really wanted him to get out alive and unscathed.

30. Which character would’ve deserved to survive?

In each game, there’s at least one character I think should’ve deserved to make it out alive. For the first game, it’s absolutely Taka, for the second, Hiyoko, even though I’m not strong on her, and for the third game, Ryoma, for the same reason everyone else thinks he should’ve lived.

31. Is there a character you think who shouldn’t have survived but did?

Yasuhiro did basically nothing to contribute to the class trials, or the overall progress in figuring out the mysteries of the academy. He never pulled his weight, and for some reason, he still managed to live through the killing game.

32. Least favourite protagonist?

I love her, but Komaru. She just doesn’t reach the same level as the others.

33. Character with the best clothing?

Celeste absolutely nails the gothic lolita style and it fits really well with the type of character that she is.

34. Best character design?

Gundham and Celeste.

35. A character who should’ve got more character development?

Kirumi, without question. She’s arguably my least favorite in the V3 gang purely because of her lack of development. She deserved better writing than what she got.

36. Character who looks amazing but you don’t like?

I love Ruruka’s design, but I hate Ruruka’s character. The same goes for Sonosuke Izayoi, who looks badass but got no development.

37. Favourite minor character?

For the little screen time he got, I vibe with Taichi Fujisaki.

38. Favourite eyes?

What? Uh...no preference?

39. Smartest murder plan?

Gundham’s plan in the 4th case of the 2nd game. He used pretty much every aspect of the funhouse to pull his plan off, and I love it.

40. Favourite culprit?

Gundham Tanaka, for what I’ve just mentioned, plus his motivation, and overall character.

41. Person you’ve never expected to become a culprit but they became? (Doesn’t include Chiaki)

I guess Mondo, Peko and Kiyo from each of the games. They all exude the energy that they COULD kill someone, but the chances of them actually doing it don’t seem that high, and yet...

42. Honest opinion on Tsumugi Shirogane?

I thought she was boring character at first, even after she was revealed to be the mastermind, but I’ve come around since then and I respect her as a villain a lot more. Being the only villain in the game who’s not directly tied to Junko, that at least gives her a bit of uniqueness.

43. Describe Monaca Towa in 3 words!

Piss Baby UGH!

44. Describe Nagito Komaeda in 3 words!

Extremely Entertaining Character

45. Unpopular opinion?

I think Hifumi Yamada is a pretty decent character overall. His Free Time Events, while awkward, were quite enjoyable, and he conveys the strong message that appearances aren’t everything. He’s aware of how different he looks compared to everyone else, but to him, it’s what’s on the inside and what he can do that matters.

46. Unpopular headcanon?

I don’t really have many major headcanons, and I have none that I would consider unpopular. I guess I’ll say “The V3 cast have a group chat in a Non-Despair AU that they meme the shit out of.”

47. A headcanon you have about a character?

In the ask blog that I run, Mikan and Ibuki are an item, and after they become one, Mikan discards her bandages and dyes a highlight in her hair. I live for that, so I guess that’s my answer.

48. Favourite OST?

If we’re talking about a game soundtrack, then either Danganronpa 2′s, or Ultra Despair Girl. If we’re talking about my favourite song in the whole series though, then my favourite is the opening theme to Future Arc in DR3, Dead or Lie.

49. Favourite mini game?

I don’t really have one. I have minigames that I like, and Minigames that I hate (looking at you “Improved” Hangman’s Gambit) But I guess I like Scrum Debate in concept a lot.

50. Favourite game design?

V3 is the most aesthetically pleasing DR game.

51. Character you thought you were gonna dislike but loved in the end?

Maki was such a piece of shit in my opinion at the beginning of V3. Of course, the development she gets reprimands that amazingly. I WOULD say Tenko, but I hated Tenko when I finished V3, and it was only after a short time later that I really turned around on her.

52. Character you thought you would like but disliked in the end?

I guess Angie? She was pretty annoying even before I outright disliked her, but then the whole third chapter brainwashing thing happened and I’m like, “this bitch suck for real!”

53. Favourite game end?

Danganronpa 2′s, and I don’t wanna hear all the “Ugh, the anime bullshit, ugh!” From a writing perspective, the second game just had the most enjoyable ending.

54. Least favourite game end?

I guess Danganronpa 1′s but even that wasn’t too bad. I have incredibly mixed feelings about V3′s twist ending, but I’ve grown to accept that it happened and there’s not a lot I can do about it...

55. Favourite love hotel scene?

Kaede’s. J-Just Kaede’s...That scene gives me the right amount of serotonin that I can keep going with my day.

56. Best free time events?

Hard to say, but I really liked Taka’s. Most of the FTE’s in Danganronpa tend to be pretty nice (unless you’re Hiro), but for him, I loved learning about the circumstances behind his family, how it corrolates with why he acts the way he does, his spite against people who call themselves “geniuses” and why they suck, and everything about his character just hits right.

57. Character who should’ve lived longer?

Kirumi or Ryoma.

58. V3 Pregame! headcanon?

“They aren’t evil creatures with a pessimistic look on life!” Seriously, why the hell do people headcanon the pre-game V3 cast as evil and masochistic bastards. Sure, their look on life was very cynical and pessimistic, and some of them wanted to join V3 for the money or the fame, but that’s just basic human nature and desire. That doesn’t mean everyone in V3 was an inherently bad person before they joined Danganronpa. They aren’t the remnants of despair for fucks sake.

59. Favourite moment?

Shuichi’s final stand in V3 really showed his growth in character, and his refutation “WE’RE GONNA END DANGANRONPA!” gave me goosebumps.

60. Saddest moment?

Gundham’s Execution made me cry, and I almost shed tears in Peko’s final moments. My answer therefore, is those two.

61. Character who looks like the love child of ???

Shuichi has always looked like the love child of Makoto and Kyoko or Makoto and Mukuro. I don’t have any parental headcanons though, and prefer to think of Shuichi as his own character.

62. Describe Mikan Tsumiki in 3 words!

Needs Love Mending! She’s an emotionally broken girl who needs love to heal her fragile heart.

63. Describe Kyoko Kirigiri in 3 words!

The Best Deuteragonist. By that, I mean out of all the characters who are most relevant to the plot alongside the protagonist and antagonist (which includes Chiaki and I guess Kaito too) Kyoko is the best one in my opinion.

64. Which character seemed like they were gonna be a culprit but they wasn’t?

I honestly expected Sonia to kill someone several times in DR2, but she ended up making it to the end. I’m not disappointed though, and I’m glad she never ended up snapping.

65. Who did you never expected to die but they died?

Kaede, no doubt about it. C’mon, she was set up to be the protagonist and then she got executed falsely. Rantaro also surprised me honestly, as did Fake Togami in Game 2.

66. Describe the last trial from V3 in 3 words!

An Absolute Clusterfuck. Not the bad kind, mind you, but Jesus, that trial was long and confusing.

67. Which character would you never want to meet in real life?

There are several honestly, but I’m gonna narrow it down and say Junko. Anyone who meets her is doomed to have their life ruined.

68. Which character would you like to meet in real life?

I relate to most of the weeb and dorky characters, so I guess either Hifumi or Non-Evil Tsumugi.

69. Choose one character which you would take with you on a trip.

Mikan would be handy to have around in case I get injured while on a hike or something.

70. Character you would have a sleepover with?

I don’t feel any sort of attraction to her romantically, and I tend not to for fictional characters, but Kaede is someone I’d really want to hang out and be friends with.

71. Character you can relate to?

Makoto, and I know that’s the whole point of his character, but even though he’s kind of basic and lacking in any significant personality, I still like him a lot.

72. Character you can relate to but you dislike them?

I sympathize with Kiyo’s plight, and how he suffered a lot of emotional abuse from his sister, but with his final moments and how much bullshit came from it (particularly the implied incest subplot) I just couldn’t feel anything except eagerness when I watched him die.

73. Character who deserved better?

Than what they got, I guess Taka.

74. What do you think of Hiyoko Saionji?

If she had survived the game, she’d have been recognized as great a character as Fuyuhiko, since she would have had time to develop. Unfortunately, her lack of growth thanks to her death relegates her into just being “that bitch from Danganronpa” In general though, I don’t dislike her at all, I’m just not as strong on her as I am the rest of DR2′s cast, or DR’s cast in general.

75. Describe Gonta Gokuhara in 3 words!

The Best Boy.

76. Favourite research lab?

The research labs are a cool concept that I really wanted to see more of in things like Fangans. I think my favorite is either Shuichi’s or Kokichi’s.

77. What do you think of the fandom?

Honest to god, I feel more comfortable in the DR Fandom than I do any other Fandom I’m a part of. We have cringe, toxicity and the same old jokes, yes, but other Fandom’s I’m in, like Persona and My Hero Academia, have the same on a whole other level. I think the majority of the Danganronpa Fandom truly does genuinely care about the game series and I appreciate that.

78. Favourite random/unnecessary scene?

The Man’s Nut scene in Danganronpa 2 was god damn hilarious. I never ever really thought the Peeping Tom scenes in each game were wholly necessary and just existed as cheap fanservice, but the Man’s Nut scene is SO damn funny!

79. Which character has the cutest design?

Chihiro is the most adorable bean in the universe.

80. Hope or Despair?

I have no real preference, but I choose Hope because I like to think I’m not a bad person.

81. Could you be the Ultimate Lucky Student?

Probably not. I dunno.

82. Favourite chapter?

DR2 Chapter 4. The funhouse chapter hit differently.

83. Least favourite chapter?

DR2 Chapter 3 and DRV3 Chapter 3. The former primarily due to the Despair Disease and Nekomaru’s death at the hands of Akane’s stupidity, and the latter because of reasons I’ve already mentioned, particularly Angie’s Student Council.

84. Which character do you easily forget?

Pretty much half the Danganronpa 3 cast. Particularly Tengan, Izayoi, Gozu and Bandai.

85. Could you be a Dangan Protag? Why?

I’d love to be, but I’m not as quick-witted or inquisitive as the likes of Makoto, Hajime and Shuichi.

86. Favourite Anthology chapter?

I like a lot of them, but the one where they all make chocolate is really cute.

87. Describe Peko Pekoyama in 3 words!

She’s pretty cool. There’s not much to say about her. Even if she is the one who killed Mahiru, a character I love, she’s a lot more important to the plot than many realize, especially in regards to Fuyuhiko’s subplot.

88. Describe Mondo Oowada in 3 words!

Completely Underrated Marvel. Just refer to Question 19.

89. Least favourite Danganronpa 3 character?

Pretty much any of them that aren’t Seiko, Ryota, or Yukizome. I’m gonna say Juzo though, because of his whole bullshit that Junko used against him, and how the tragedy is primarily his fault.

90. Do you like Junko?

Not at first, but I like her a lot more as a villain now. She wasn’t that fun in the first game, but was better in the second.

91. What do you think of Monokuma?

As far as game mascots go, he’s alright, however, the more the series goes on, the less relevant he becomes. In V3, he serves no real importance, and the game may have been just as good without him, leaving us with just the Monokubs. I hate the Monokubs, but that’s primarily because their existence just takes Monokuma’s importance away. V3 would be so much better if we had one without the other, either way around.

92. Least favourite Monokub?

*Heavy breathing* Mono... *Heavy breathing* Fucking... *HEAVY BREATHING* PHANIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEE!

93. Did you like the Monokubs?

Not for the most part. Monophanie and Monokid suck, and I hate them both. Monosuke sucks for similar reasons, but he’s just kinda...boring...Up until the whole incest imagery in Chapter 4′s trial, Monotaro was actually ok, and had some really funny lines, and as I’ve mentioned, I love Monodam a whole lot, since he was the only one who had something close to a character arc.

94. Did you like the Warriors of Hope?

I guess? I do feel bad for most of them, but at the same time, they can be really annoying. They ARE just kids, so I get it, but still. Masaru, I really didn’t care for. He was arguably the most annoying, and Jataro, while I felt bad for him, wasn’t much better. Kotoko was pretty fun in the end, and Nagisa was a really well written character with a strong morality to him. Monaca is a pretty sinister villain too, but I don’t like her as much as Junko and Tsumugi.

95. What do you think of Gundham Tanaka?

HE IS EXCELLENT AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! Also, as I’m writing this, it’s his Bday, so happy Bday to Gundham Tanaka.

96. Who’s an overrated character you dislike?

I said Chiaki was overrated, but I don’t dislike her. I guess people like Kirumi too much considering how little development she gets overall.

97. Overrated ship which is your NOTP?

Komahina, do not test me on this. Everywhere I go, I see that ship that I know, from analyzing Nagito and Hajime’s relationship throughout the series, is incredibly toxic and would never realistically happen simply due to Nagito’s nature, and the way his FTE’s end means nothing to me.

98. Outfit you dislike?

Everyone’s always saying that Akane’s design sucks, and while I’m not too concerned on it overall, I do completely agree.

99. Your absolute NOTP?

Komahina again, and I guess JunkoMikan.

100. Opinion on all the Protagonists!

Makoto is relatable as hell, and I sympethise with him a lot. It’s quite fun to play as him in the first game, because he reacts more regularly to the characters in a way that most people probably would. I love Hajime’s reactions, and his backstory. I’m not too fond on most of the memes around him, like Organe Juice and the 91cm Titties, but in general, his reactions to things and the way he tends to call out his classmates is pretty entertaining. As I mentioned, Komaru, and I guess Toko, are my least favorite protagonist(s) but I still care about them both greatly. Komaru is as relatable as her brother, and UDG gives Toko the character development she so greatly needed in Game 1. Kaede is amazing, and is a character who gets too cussed out by people both in the game, and outside of it, and her death was super relevant, and an amazing twist I didn’t see coming. She’s just awesome in general. Shuichi, while Kaede’s death did upset me, he was an equally great protagonist, and I loved watching his growth throughout V3.

#danganronpa #ask meme

[amintyworld]

Okay, Okay, I have a Dream SMP Theory I really wanna shout about because it’s been on my mind so much lately, and I think there’s so much evidence to it-

(Of course, Spoiler warning!)

TL;DR: I think that if Tommy and Tubbo become villains, it’s more likely that Tommy will become like Schlatt and Tubbo will become like Wilbur instead of the other way around based on their recent behavior in cannon.

So, I keep going back to the line, and the well known theory about Tubbo becoming the next Schlatt and Tommy becoming the next Wilbur. But... I was thinking deeply about that the other day... and the evidence doesn’t seem to really stack up that much for either of them.

Consider, for a moment, canonically, how both Wilbur and Schlatt went down the paths they did. 

(More under the cut! TW: Drugs, Alcohol, Suicidal thoughts, manipulation.)

Wilbur, faced with paranoia and distrust, realizes that the place he called home, L’manburg, was not the same as it had been. Of course, at first, the button became a desperate plea to get the land back from Schlatt, but as we all know, even winning the land back doesn’t stop him from pushing it, because I feel that was never his motivation for it. He saw the destruction and betrayal of what made L’manburg, L’manburg - the friendship, and bonds. Think back to Wilbur during the Independence War saying that Dream may take away the land, their stuff, but he can’t take away the real L’manburg - the friendship and the unity. People betrayed each other, people just sided only for violence. He pushed the button because the place he created was gone, and he wanted to destroy it. 

Schlatt in the beginning seemed to want what was best for the country in his eyes - by banishing Tommy and Wilbur. True, he staged a sort of coup with Quackity and banished them, but in reality do you really think Wilbur and Tommy would have just left peacefully, or even let him run if they knew this was what he planned to do? Probably not. Then, he tried his best at being President - the Festival to bring everyone together - but it seemed like however he tried people were always against him and soon enough just left him alone. Remember: “And just when I needed you, everyone left. You left.” (Schlatt to Quackity in the Hotdog Van during the Manburg War) So, he turned to become more aggressive and use his power against others, masking his pain behind drugs and alcohol and wasting away in despair. 

Now, putting aside the fact that Tommy was exiled, like Wilbur, and that Tubbo used his power to further his own goals as President, like Schlatt, the evidence goes deeper into their characters. 

Tubbo, I believe, could end up going down Wilbur’s path - He begins to realize that L’manburg is not the same as it was. I mean, people won’t listen to each other, or even him for that matter! Majority seems to rule and unpopular opinions seem to be quickly disposed of, weather or not in reality they were right or wrong, good or bad. His best friend tried to guilt trip him multiple times, told him (in his perspective) that he didn’t care about him, only his discs, and when he goes against him and the majority, he’s immediately cut down and called the bad guy, evil, and just like a dictator they tried to get rid of. To him, L’manburg isn’t as free and full of love and hope as it used to be - no one really even has a opinion anymore, as evidence from both Fundy and Quackity being yes-men to him and Tommy, and then abandoning ship when they’re proven wrong. It just makes sense - he’s seen Schlatt, been a forced part of his cabinet and even died by his command, so why would he adapt those ideals of forced power? Why would be threaten anyone with death? It’s just not like him at all, and doesn’t make a lot of sense, in my opinion. 

Also, as further evidence, when he confronts Fundy and Quackity after Tommy’s exile, he makes clear his point and promises to not pull anything like that again as long as they listened to him more. If he were going down Schlatt’s path, he would have never apologized to them, why would he? They pushed him around and ignored him, then they acted surprised when he picked a different choice - if anything, they should be the ones apologizing for disrespecting him and his authority. 

Tommy, in my mind, is going down Schlatt’s path - think about it. People left him alone, as he constantly says in exlie how alone he really is. True, people are trying to help him out but he’s still alone - and, with the threat of Dream against them, why would anyone try to cover up for him, or even stand up to him? He’s going into a downward spiral, just like Schlatt with his addiction - for evidence, look at him almost jumping in lava because he’s cut so deep and feels so alone. Looking at the lava jump attempt, it’s clear that he’s becoming unafraid of death, almost welcoming to it. Some people see this as evidence of him becoming the next Wilbur, but to me it’s more for Schlatt. Wilbur welcomed death to somewhat escape his problems and not deal with consequences, but Schlatt was constantly at death’s door - his irresponsible use of drugs and alcohol, two things that if taken too much will kill you - shows that he wasn’t afraid anymore, so much that it became addiction to him, to numb the pain and dance with death. Also, Tommy’s line ‘It’s never my time to die.’ just seems to me so much like something Schlatt would say after waking up alive from getting utterly wasted. Both Schlatt and Tommy seem very well at masking their pain - Schlatt by enforcing his power and showing his strength, Tommy by throwing himself into trying to survive out in exlie and just get home. I dunno about you, but it was quite a shock to me, and a lot of people that Tommy was even considering taking his own life after the way he interacted beforehand with the others - talking with Wilbur and BBH, arguing and determined to go through the portal despite Dream’s threats - but it seems to be he’s clearly hurting a lot more than he says, but is becoming a master at masking it. Tommy even tries to show his strength against Dream and others constantly by trying to kill them, that’s one thing that both Schlatt and Tommy have in common. 

Also, like with Tubbo, why would Tommy ever go down Wilbur’s path, he’s seen it in action, he knows and tries to constantly avoid it, heck, he even says that despite Wilbur’s ‘Let’s be the bad guys.’ ringing in his ear, he doesn’t want to be the bad guy, like Wilbur before him. So why would he go down Wilbur’s path if he constantly avoids temptations of doing so? It just seems unlikely for his character. 

So yeah, I think that based on Tubbo’s line: ‘If I can’t be the next Schlatt, you can’t be the next WIlbur.’, Tommyinnit will potentially fall down Schlatt’s path and becomes too focused on getting home no matter the cost taht he loses himself in his own despair and sadness, and Tubbo could potentially try to finish L’manburg off for good, seeing how far it’s diverted from when it was founded and knowing, like Wilbur, there’s such a low chance if it ever being like that again. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. 

If you read this whole thing, you’re my favorite person on the planet! <3

I may write a fic based off this idea, so if you’re interested please let me know. Also, I’d love to know your thoughts on this! I’ll be eagerly awaiting to see how everything plays out...

#dream smp #dream smp spoilers #dream smp theory #dream smp season 2 #dream smp server #jschlatt #tubbolive #tommyinnit #tommyinnit exile #tommyinnit and tubbo #wilbur soot #villain wilbur #villain jschlatt #president tubbo #minty says a thing #minty's theories #tw long post #tw drinking #tw suicide mention #tw suicidal thoughts #tw drugs

[trashwarden]

Have you ever felt as if drawing is against you? Now that you've progressed so much, did the feeling go away? I feel like whenever i draw something, the whole thing is against me. I get frustrated, annoyed and felt like I should just chop my hands away because it all felt wrong. Out of all the hobbies that i had that made me happy. Drawing is the only thing left for me. But it seems like even that wants to run away from me.

Now there is a thing I realized some time ago: every artist feels insecure about their art and sometimes its a real struggle for even the most professional artists out there.

Trust me. I have a pleasure of knowing many amazing artist, including professionals, whose art is just brilliant. Yet even they are having hard time. I'd even say that the more you expect from the piece and the more you pressure yourself, the harder it gets if the art doesnt meet your expectation. Especially if you start comparing yourself with others.

Truth is, any creative activity requires a lot of patience and practice and a diverse skillsets.

I dont even feel like I progressed much (thank you for that tho) but at this point I just want to draw the thing, even if my skills arent yet there - I can always redraw it later when Im more experienced. Heck, I wanna redraw the Trespasser comic for 3rd time now.

Anyways, draw what's fun for you, even if it's 108766 pictures of Dorian's profile. And if you feel artblocked, try to get a new perspective and consume other media. Books, animation, games, tv shows - all great, all expand your world. You find inspiration in weirdest places sometimes.

Also always use references because otherwise you make very frustrating mistakes. See that Life is Strange Zine preview i posted yesterday? Its cropped but Chloe is holding a cigarette. I had to google what a person having ciggie looks like because I suddenly realized I don’t know which side goes to the mouth lmao.

If you need some picking up try reading “Art & Fear: Observations On the Perils (and Rewards) of Artmaking”. It’s a short book that can be applicable to any creative process and shows perfectly that actually the struggles you feel are VERY universal. Get it through book depository shop - they have sales and free shipping worldwide: https://www.bookdepository.com/Art-Fear-David-Bayles/9780961454739

If you don’t want to spend any money have a free read about why it’s hard to draw form imagination (passive and active memory is really fascinating):

https://design.tutsplus.com/articles/why-is-it-so-hard-to-draw-from-imagination-heres-how-to-do-it--cms-22967

TL;DR don’t chop your hands off yet, many artists, pros and hobbyists, feel like “losers” when it’s coming to drawing. For me drawing is a real struggle - I want the end result, hate the process. But don’t give up and try to understand why you feel like that and how can you fix it 💪

#replies #art help #idk if im even qualified to talk about it lol #remember that im not a pro by all means so this is only my perspective #and my observations #anon

[cryptidshuffle]

the less we say about it the better - chp 1

ao3

Rating: Teen Fandom: Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware Relationships: Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman, Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman (pre relationship) Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Temporary Character Death(its benrey dont worry hes ok), meta about deaths and respawns, arguing about the rules of uno, gay pining, Mutual Pining, fellas is it gay to comfort ur friend who u love and are both boys?, also fair warning it'll eventually be a poly ship with benrey, Autistic Character, Autistic Tommy, ADHD Gordon, everyone is gay and trans, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

Summary: “after everything we’ve been through we deserve a few mental break downs.” they are trying to recover after black mesa, but recovery is hard. especially when one of you is still dead

---------------

They had been out of Black Mesa for a few weeks now. It was difficult trying to acclimate to life after the incident, but they were all making it work.

The science team had gotten together for some sort of game night, something cathartic about being around others who share the same trauma. Anyways, snacks and Uno was just as chaotic as one would imagine with this group of chucklefucks, with competitive tensions high on the last round of the night.

“You can’t stack the draw 4 cards, Gordon,” Bubby argued, smacking Gordon’s hand just as he placed the card.

“Says who?”

“It’s literally against the fucking rules of the game,” Bubby said back.

Tommy agreed with, “It is in the official rules, Mr. Freeman, they- Mattel confirmed it on Twitter.”

“But that’s dumb!” Gordon argued back, “I’ve always played where you can stack those, why change that now?"

Bubby retorted, “Well maybe you’ve always been playing wrong, huh? Ever thought about that, smartass?”

Dr. Coomer chimed in with, “Well on the official page for Uno (card game) on Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia that anyone can edit, it states that

The following official house rules are suggested in the Uno rulebook, to alter the game:

Progressive Uno: If a draw card is played, and the following player has the same card, they can play that card and "stack" the penalty, which adds to the current penalty and passes it to the following player.[4](Although a +4 cannot be stacked on a +2, or vice versa.)[6] This house rule is so commonly used that there was widespread Twitter surprise in 2019 when Mattel stated that stacking was not part of the standard rules of Uno.[6]”

“Well, there you have it,” Gordon exclaims, interrupting Coomer’s Wikipedia infodump, “Just because it’s a house rule doesn’t mean it’s not a legitimate way of playing."

“What if I don’t want to play with that rule, that’s fuckin stupid,” Bubby grumbles.

“Jesus ok, I'll play a different card, happy?” Gordon says dejectedly, taking back his controversial draw 4 card for a more innocuous one. “It’s your turn anyways.”

Bubby throws down his last card onto the pile. “I win fuckers!!!! Ahahahahaha!"

“You wouldn’t have won if you let me stack the fucking cards,” Gordon said as he threw his losing card pile onto the coffee table.

“Don’t fret Gordon! Bubby is just extremely good at card games,” Dr. Coomer replied.

“You're forgetting I’m a goddamn genius, that extends to my sick-ass Uno skills,” Bubby bragged.

Gordon chuckled, watching the two older scientists get up to leave, and watching Tommy remain, quietly cleaning up the uno deck into neat piles to place in its box.

“Well gentlemen, it’s been fun, though I think it’s time Bubby and I better get going!” Dr. Coomer said.

“No problem, don’t want you two to be late for your old man early-bird breakfast at Golden Corral tomorrow!” Gordon teased.

“Shut the fuck- I’ll kick your ass,” said Bubby.

“Hello Gord- Actually our old man breakfast is not until Saturday! It’s the one day a week I let loose and unhinge my jaws at the buffet like a Burmese Python!” said Dr. Coomer as Bubby grabs his coat and keys.

“That sounds absolutely horrifying,” Gordon laughs.

“It really is,” says Bubby. “Well, see you later asshole,” Bubby says, herding himself and Coomer out the front door.

“See you guys later,” Gordon says.

“Goodbye, Gordon! Goodbye, Tommy,” Coomer also says, before they leave Gordon’s apartment.

Tommy had yet to get up to leave, he stayed sitting in his seat staring into space, and fiddling with the Uno card deck.

“Hey Tommy, you alright man?” he asked gently. At the mention of his name, he was shaken a bit out of his stupor.

“Y-yeah I'm fine Mr. Freeman, why do you ask?”

“I mean you were kinda just staring into space for a bit, and you didn’t say anything when Bubby and Coomer left.”

“Oh shit. Sorry about that, I’ll get out of your hair,” Tommy said, starting to move to leave.

Gordon placed a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Hey, if something’s bothering you, just know I’m here if you wanna talk about it,” Gordon comforted.

Tommy blushed slightly at the contact and nodded.

“Thank you. I-uh… I’ve just been thinking about things that happened back in Black Mesa and, you know,” he pauses to think for a bit, and sighs, “honestly I’ve been thinking a lot about Benrey.”

Just at the mention of him, Gordon felt his stomach drop with the weight of too many emotions.

“Yeah...I uh… I understand,” he responds with a sad sigh, “anything in particular you’re thinking about him?”

“I don’t know just kind of- Earlier I started thinking about how much he would enjoy game night. And then I started to miss him and realize that- that he’s not here. I feel guilty about killing him and upset at what he did. He was still my friend and I just- I want to know why he did what he did. I just want to understand,” Tommy said.

Gordon looked away as he thought about his own emotions regarding Benrey. He was undeniably angry with him, for getting him ambushed by the bootboys, for getting his arm cut off, frustrated with the constant taunting. Yet… he also felt guilty for some reason and he couldn’t quite place why. Gordon really didn’t want to feel guilty.

“Yeah…” Gordon sighed, “I'll be honest I do feel guilty about it too. I don’t know why because I feel like it should be justified since he did try to kill us. But there were times when him pestering me about my arm felt like… like sincere questioning? I still… I don’t know.”

“Yeah… I think-” Tommy cut himself off, staring at a fixed point in his vision, trying to decide whether or not to bring this up.

“I don’t think Benrey understood how human mortality worked.”

Well, that wasn’t what Gordon expected. “What do you mean?”

“Well, he was from Xen, Mr. Freeman, he wasn’t human. It was different for him. You remember he did die several times, but he came back eventually. He had to wait for his form to regenerate.”

“Wait-” this time Gordon cut Tommy off, “Oh shit, that wasn’t a joke?  For some reason I just assumed his talking about respawns and shit was part of his Epic Gamer bit?”

“I mean it was a little but I think… there’s probably a reason Benrey attached himself to video games so much, yeah? He can see himself in the structure. Like, uh- something he can relate to.” Tommy says. “It doesn’t excuse what- what he did, but I feel like knowing why things happened makes- makes them more understandable.”

Gordon leaned back on the couch blown away by the revelation. In hindsight it wasn’t that surprising but it took him a few seconds to come to terms with the reality.

“Yeah, when you put it that way, I guess it does make a lot of sense. Wait though, I swear to god all of you have died at least once, but you guys aren’t from Xen?” Gordon said, now confused about the seeming metanarrative of the mortality of his friends.

“Yeah, but those were weird Black Mesa things, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said, not elaborating any more than that.

Gordon waited a beat for Tommy to explain more but he said all he needed to.

“I will ask you more about that later, but I do not have the energy to unpack all that right now,” Gordon said with a gentle laugh.

“Wait, getting back on topic real quick, why couldn’t Benrey just... respawn now? Did we really get him that good?”

Tommy looked incredibly sad when Gordon said this, and he regretted it immediately.  ‘Damn it Gordon, Tommy’s clearly upset about Benrey, you don’t gotta be an insensitive dick.’

“Well Mr. Freeman, that’s kinda why I’ve been thinking about him,” Tommy said, “I’m not sure. It shouldn’t have taken him this long to respawn. Depending on the amount of damage it takes longer but… It’s been a while and what if- What if he is back but he is mad at all of us and that’s why we haven’t seen him? Or what if it is taking a really long time because we hurt him a whole lot. Or what if we…”

Tommy got quiet for a few seconds, the silence in the room was deafening. For an instance Gordon felt as if making a sound would shatter the air like glass.

Tommy finally said with a whisper, voice thick with choking back tears, “What if we killed him for good? And I don’t- I never see him again?”

It honestly broke Gordon’s heart how distraught Tommy was. Pushing his own complicated Benrey feelings aside, he was gonna focus on Tommy here and now.

“…Tommy, is it ok if I hug you, man?” Gordon couldn’t think of the best way to comfort the other man with words, but physical comfort he could do.

Tommy looked a little surprised at this ask but nodded. Gordon leaned in to hug the other scientist and Tommy collapsed in his embrace, completely breaking down.

Gordon just sat there and held him as Tommy sobbed into his shoulder, trying to comfort the crying man by rubbing circles into his back.

Gordon’s brain processed the things Tommy had said. Was Benrey really gone? Why did he feel guilty about the idea of having killed Benrey, he was fine with the concept during the final boss fight on Xen but now… the thought made him feel… sad? Regretful? Even his seemingly rational justifications didn’t seem as clear at the moment, only thinking of his fonder memories with Benrey.

‘Fuck this,’ he thought as he felt his own tears well up, ‘this isn’t about me, I need to focus on being there for Tommy,’ pushing his own feelings to the back of his mind to be dealt with later.

Tommy eventually calmed down enough where his sobs turned into sniffles, and he started to pull away from the hug.

“S – sorry for having a – a breakdown on your- on your couch Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said, the post-crying mental fog making his stuttering more noticeable. Tommy didn’t really have the effort in him to care.

“Don’t worry about it, man, after everything we’ve been through we deserve a few mental breakdowns,” Gordon joked trying to lighten the mood.

“Oh, that was nothing, Mr. Freeman, in terms of mental breakdowns that was as mild as a first-grade pizza party in the eye of a hurricane,” Tommy compared in a way that made little sense to Gordon, yet ridiculous enough to cause the man to burst out laughing.

“Alright I’ll take your word for it,” Gordon said, still laughing.

“I’m serious Mr. Freeman, once you have a meltdown so intense that you accidentally teleport yourself to an inter-dimensional void, the rest is a cake walk at the school fair,” Tommy said.

“Waitwaitwait- teleport?” he leaned back to look at him in surprise, “Since when could you fuckin teleport!” Gordon asked caught off guard.

“You know, learned some things from my Dad,” Tommy said, again failing to further explain himself.

“…Well alright. Yeah that tracks.”

Gordon was quiet for a moment before responding with, “You know, Tommy, I want you to know I’m here for you if you need anyone to talk to. You were there for me when I was at my lowest in Black Mesa, and I wanna be that friend to you if you need it,” he said giving the other scientists hand a comforting squeeze.

Tommy smiled, “Thank you, that means a lot Mr. Freeman.”

“You know you can call me Gordon, you don’t have to be so formal all the time Dr. Coolatta,” he teased.

Tommy blushed, ‘dammit why did he have to be so cute?’

“Wow Mr. Fr – Gordon are you really gonna make fun of my doctorate that I worked very hard for,” Tommy teased back, still a bit sniffly from crying.

“Dude, I cannot imagine you in college for some reason, what was your doctorate even in” asked Gordon, semi-jokingly, but still a bit serious.

Tommy laughed a bit, wiping the remaining tears away with the back of his hand. “Bio-chemical engineering. Creating Sunkist was for my thesis project.” Normally Tommy would be more then willing to infodump about the topic but he found his energy to be draining fast.

“What the fuck, that’s cooler than mine was. Us nerds in the Theoretical Physics department didn’t do any crazy shit like that,” Gordon said.

“Bold of you to assume I was a nerd, G-Gordon. I was the craziest guy in the frat house,” Tommy said.

Gordon’s memory vaguely recalls Tommy’s insistence that he “do something crazy” when drinking Darnold’s Potion of Grow Gun Arm.

“You know what, yeah, surprisingly I can see that image vividly in my head,” Gordon said. “Real talk though…” he said changing the subject and putting his hand on Tommy’s shoulder, “Are you- uh, ok? Like feeling better?”

Tommy was quiet for a second, eyes flickering down to look at his fidgeting hands in his lap, before replying with, “I’m ok. N-not great, I don’t think, but I will be.”

Gordon nodded. “Tommy, if there’s one nugget of wisdom that I have to share, it’s that healing takes time, things usually turn out to be ok in the end. No matter what’s going on with Benrey…it'll be alright, I’m sure.” Gordon patted his shoulder for emphasis, “not the best advice out there but it’s the best I can come up with straight off the dome. And I don’t wanna seem like I didn’t try to help you out."

Tommy laughed gently, “Thank you Mr. Fr- uh, thank you Gordon. You did help. Even if- if your advice was a bit cheesy.”

“Whatever man, you can’t blame me for trying,” Gordon laughed, playfully shoving Tommy where his hand had previously rested on the other man’s shoulder. Tommy laughed in return. He only noticed the warmth of Gordon’s touch once it was gone.

Tommy absentmindedly noticed the time on the wall clock in Gordon’s apartment. Jesus, 11:30? When did it get so late? The older scientist really hoped he wasn’t overstaying his welcome; While he would love to just stay here and joke around, he had already bothered Mr. Freeman enough and was already exhausted.

“I- I’m probably gonna head back home now, I didn’t realize how late it was,” Tommy said, standing up from his spot next to Gordon.

Gordon nodded. He had the passing thought of offering for Tommy to stay but… maybe that was a step too far. ‘Tommy probably wants his space,’ Gordon rationalized to himself.

He nodded, “Alright, don’t let me keep you,” he said, getting up as well to help Tommy gather his belongings. Which, to be honest Tommy didn’t bring much but some snacks for the group, but Gordon just needed an excuse to do anything.

Gordon walked Tommy to the front door of his apartment, like the good host he was, opening the door for him.

“Thanks for coming over Tommy,” he said.

Tommy nodded. “Thank- thank you again for letting me talk about Benrey, I know it was kinda rough there at the end, but if you ever need to talk about anything… I'm here for you as well.”

Gordon smiled, “Thank you Tommy, I'll keep that in mind.”

Tommy smiled in return, “Have a good night G-Gordon,” he said turning to head to his car.

“Goodnight Tommy.” Gordon turns to head back inside, but before he does, he can’t resist one more jab.

“Thought you could teleport?” he calls out teasingly.

Tommy flips him off, which causes Gordon to laugh harder. “Gives me a headache,” Tommy called back, trying and failing keep a straight face.

Gordon laughs as he waves a final goodbye, turning back inside and closing the door after Tommy waves as well. His thoughts race as he gets ready for bed, trying to ignore his fluttering heartbeat as he lays down for the night.

Tommy shuffles his thoughts in his head as he drives home. The emotional rollercoaster of his already draining social interaction meter from the science team, his Benrey guilt, and his small crush on Gordon was just too much for one day. His hands clench and unclench the steering wheel, looking forward to collapsing in bed for the night, hoping his dad won’t notice he'd been crying.

Somewhere, in an interdimensional void far away from this reality, someone begins to shift awake.

#fanfic #hlvrai #half life vr but the ai is self aware #freelatta

[nerdyzombiesonskates]

Imagine Finding a Way to Save Tony

Side Note:   This is long but I wanted to establish your character’s background and develop relationships!

Warning: If you have not seen Endgame, there will be spoilers!   Y/N=Your Name, F/N=First Name, L/N=Last Name

Tony Stark x Reader. Platonic!Reader x Dr. Strange, Platonic!Avengers x Reader. The Reader does have an age gap but she’s still over 18!

One last note: This takes place between Dr. Strange, Civil War, and Ragnarok while ending in Endgame. 

You traveled with Captain Marvel throughout the galaxy, just before Thanos arrived. Along the way you learned you had a natural ability to magic so as Carol went out and saved the universe from every danger that showed it’s ugly head, you stayed back and learned all that you could from the strange masters. 

Healing was one of your abilities. It used a mixture of light magic and water. But this wasn’t just any water; this water came from the most sacred place in the galaxy. A place known as the Sanitatem. Here, the magic users master the arts ranging from minor cuts and scrapes all the way down to severe burns and essentially bringing someone back from the dead. 

Your journey separated you from your life long companion as a distress signal radiated among the ship you came to know and love. 

“I’ll see you soon, (Y/N). You’re going to do fine.” Carol mumbled with a sad smile. You gave her a firm hug, fighting the tears that threatened to fall. 

“It’s just the Masters of the Mystic Arts. I’m already a Sorceress of the Practical Arts, how hard can this be?” You weakly joked.  “Besides, I’ve been meaning to stop by Earth; the Ancient One is said to be there. Maybe she can teach me the last of the magical arts.” 

Carol hugged you firmly one last time. Once the two of you said your goodbyes, you departed with a silent spell; Ianuae Magicae. 

Earth was everything you had imagined it to be. Or at least how you remembered it to be before the Kree Empire took Carol and inadvertently you. Following the distress signal, you met up with Dr. Stephen Strange inside the New York Sanctum. His face grim, his lips in a thin line as if he was chewing on them subconsciously. 

“You must be (Y/N) (/L/N), I’ve heard many things about you.” 

“Good things I hope.” You mumbled sheepishly. 

A smile pulled at the corner of his lips. “Good things, yes. I called you here for a reason, (Y/N). Earth will be needing your services when Thanos comes.” 

Your eyebrow quirked up. “Oh? In what way?” 

Dr. Strange smirked. “If I told you, it wouldn’t come true.” 

You rolled your eyes playfully. “Ah yes, time mumbo jumbo. Don’t wanna ruin any surprises.” 

You paused for a moment, looking over your shoulder to the big city behind the two of you. “I have a feeling I’ll be meeting someone here. Someone...important to me.” 

Dr. Strange hummed. “Come, you want to learn the Mystic Arts, correct?” 

Your eyes shinned brightly. “Yes. I’ve heard nothing but mysterious things about the Ancient One and her students.” 

You chattered excitedly to Dr. Strange as he lead you through the Sanctums and finally to Kamar-Taj. Over the months, you trained along side your newest friend and mentor, Dr. Strange. You weren’t up to his level, nor did you think you would ever be but that didn’t phase you or him. You both knew where one of you were stronger in the Mystic Arts, the other was stronger in the Practical Arts. Eventually you would end up fighting along his side when Dormammu arrived; helping Stephen seal him away and gaining the Infinity Stone. 

Although your training was complete, you stayed with Dr. Strange learning more magic than your heart knew how to handle; your daily tasks included helping Strange categorized any and all mythical threats on Earth. 

Then one day, you met him.  It was an accident, honestly. You were out trying to locate some greek demigods that accidentally destroyed a minor part of a museum last night and had no intentions on meeting anyone when in the state of daydreaming, walked face first into the one and only Tony Stark. 

The two of you got along almost immediately. Your emphatic abilities picked up on almost every distressing emotion this poor man has subjected himself to. It was overwhelming to you but still you couldn’t help the blush that formed across your cheeks when he started using some stupid pick up lines and witty conversations. 

Your dates were romantic, and over the top just as he was. Every day brought a new adventure between the two of you and arguments were far and few in between. Eventually you were brave enough to tell him the powers you had, and he immediately told you he was Iron Man, and thus was already used to the strange and unusual. You wanted to mention you already knew who he was, considering everyone does but you kept it to yourself. 

You found yourself blabbing a lot to Stephen about your new relationship with Tony. You couldn’t contain yourself. 

“So you’re in love.” He said almost flatly. He walked around you, looking at maps of the multiverse. 

Your head snapped to look at him; eyes wide. A new emotion flooded you. One you weren’t one accustomed to since being with Tony, and Stephen. You were scared. 

“...Yeah...I guess you could say that.” 

“(Y/N), you know that’s a dangerous game to play in our work. Especially with what the outcome is supposed to be.” 

“There has to be a way.” You nearly yelled and stood up quickly from your chair. “I can’t...” You were breathless. 

You moved through rows and rows of books; some of them were just as ancient as the building was. Stephen appeared next to you, a look of forlorn on his face. He brought you into a bit of an awkward hug in an attempt to comfort you. 

“I can’t lose him, Stephen.” You breathed into his shoulder. 

“I told you getting too close would be disastrous for you.” He joked weakly. You shoved his shoulder lightly, pulling away from him. 

“I know I can’t change destiny but I have to try.” 

Stephen didn’t stop you. You wouldn’t let him even if he tried. 

The months flew by. You were getting closer and closer to Tony by each passing day, eventually moving in with him. You met some of the Avengers through your travels. You took a big liking to Wanda, and although Natasha was a bit weary of the age gap between you and Tony, she eventually warmed up to you, as did Clint. Steve seemed nice but he was troubled about something. You wanted to ask him about who this Bucky person was, but seeing the pain in his eyes the ache in his soul, you decided not to. You met Thor when he came barreling into the Sanctum declaring he was looking for his father, Odin. Stephen was more than glad to show him the way. 

On a rainy night in the middle of spring, you found yourself slow dancing in the middle of Tony and your’s shared living room that overlooked the Big Apple, the lights were dimmed, the music was soft and slow. Your head was laid on his chest, listening to his heart beat. You were content, but something lingered in the back of your mind. Thanos was coming; you could feel it in your bones. But there was something else that bothered you. Tony seemed nervous. 

“What’s wrong, love? You seem nervous.” You whispered softly to him. 

“Me? Nervous?” He scoffed softly. “Never.” 

You raised your head to look at him. A smile poking through his nervous demeanor. 

“You know you can’t lie to me.” You breathed. Raising one of your hands from his lower back, you cupped his face in the palm of your hand. Your finger tips just brushing through the ends of his hair. He leaned into your hand, his much larger hand cupping your smaller ones. 

“Y/N, I have something I’ve been meaning to say...for a while now.” He pulled you apart from him. You remained where he left you, as you watch him move to his bar. He took a swig of what you would assume is whiskey then watch him come nervously back to you with one of his hands behind his back. 

“Y/N, we’ve been through a lot the last couple of years. Steve doing his thing with Bucky, that thing with Loki and New York, and now finding the Infinity Stones...” Tony sighed deeply, his free hand taking one of yours. 

“I have loved you since the moment you walked into me,” He teased, his eyes glimmering with playfulness. You scoffed loudly. “Hey it was fate, okay?” 

You went to rip your hand from his, but he tightened the grip around your wrist. 

“In all seriousness, Y/N, Marry me.” He blurted out. 

You stood there in shock. Your mind reeling with emotions. Then you started crying. Tony seemed taken back. 

“A simple no, not today would’ve worked better.” He pulled you close to him, the pain of rejection radiating from his chest. 

“N-no,” you bubbled out, “these are tears of joy. Yes, I’ll Marry you Anthony Edward Stark.” 

He flinched. “Why did you have to say my full name like that?” 

You looked up at him with wide, bloodshot eyes. The both of you started to laugh uncontrollably. His forehead resting upon yours as you resumed dancing in his arms once again. He slipped the very impressive rock on your finger. 

“I love you Y/N L/N. Always have, always will.” He whispered to you. 

The two of you shared a kiss just as thunder rolled in the night sky. 

Finally the time had come. Thanos was upon Earth. You spent many nights worrying if Tony was ever going to come home. It was futile. You trusted Stephen Strange even though he kept the events a secret. You knew his methods, you knew his magic. He did this to protect the timeline. Still, your heart was aching. You lost your best friend, and your lover all with one snap of Thanos’s fingers. 

You sat with Natasha in her office, watching her trying not to have a mental break down. The meeting had ended, the remaining Avengers were taking control of any minor problems that had arrived since Thanos wiped off half of humanity. Her emotions were well hidden but the sadness crept into your brain like a drug.  

“Y/N! Natasha! You guys may wanna come see this!” Steve shouted over the earpiece. The two of you shared a look, and immediately ran outside. The sight had you on your knees in tears. 

Flying down from the sky, was not only Tony’s ship but Carol Danvers herself. She was the first one you hugged, the tears pouring onto your shoulder as she clung to your body. 

“I have missed you so much.” You choked. 

“I’ve missed you too.” She mumbled as she let go of your shaking form. She brushed the tears from your cheeks, and hinted over her shoulder. 

“There’s someone else you may want to see.” 

Tony came wobbling down the platform. His weakened frame was supported by Nebula’s taller robotic frame. It didn’t even click in your brain he had no energy, no strength to support you but you ran to him anyway. He tried as hard as he could to keep you from collapsing on him. 

“You’re Alive.” You mumbled over, and over again. Tony said nothing. He held you close to him and to both of you that was enough. 

Five years would pass by. 

Five years of Thanos’s destruction. You and Tony were married now. You had a beautiful house in the middle of the woods far from society. You had a daughter, who may have looked like Tony but shared your affinity for magic. She was talented that much you knew. You couldn’t wait to train her in the Mystic and Practical Arts. 

Then the fateful knock came. You saw them arriving just before they came knocking at your door. An argument occurred that night. An argument that you knew would arrive sooner or later. You had hoped for later. Much later. 

“They need you, Tony.” 

“You need me. Our daughter needs me.” He struggled over his own emotions. The turmoil battled between his wants and his needs. Tony just invented time travel, the opportunity to fix everything had come. 

You stood and moved slowly over to him. His pacing was making you anxious. You placed his hands on the his cheeks, and smiled softly at him. 

“Stephen put his trust in you that you would fix this mess, and I trust him and you. We’re going to win this, Tony.” 

It took a lot of convincing that night but when morning came, the Avengers were loosely back together. 

The fight with Thanos was crippling but the odds were stacked against him this time. Steve became a broken bleeding mess, Tony was almost the same way. Natasha was dead, and you...you were clinging on to the last hope you had. Your powers swirled deep within your core. 

It was now or never. 

Just as you raised your hands to release the ultimate power that swelled within you, portals opened up behind you. Tons of them too. You looked behind you, and smiled the biggest smile you ever had in years. Your friends, the Avengers that once vanished into thin air, were now here along side you and your comrades. 

You looked to Stephen. “I found away.” You mouthed. You pointed to the chain around your neck. A single vial hung around the chain and laid on your chest. 

“I hope it works out.” Stephen would say to you. 

“I know it will.” You countered. 

During the battle, Tony found his way to the gloved hand that carried the infinity stones. You fought along side Wanda, and Peter, making sure no enemies would attack your reunited family. 

Noticing the end was near, you ran to Tony just as he snapped his fingers. The light was blinding and the force was felt across the multiverse. Thanos and minions vanished into nothing just as humanity did years ago. You caught Tony in your arms just as he crumpled from the burns that etched his body 

Peter joined your side, his face etched with worry. “Your going to be okay, Mr. Stark.” 

You smiled weakly at Peter. “Everything’s going to be okay, Peter. I promise.” 

Stephen placed a firm hand on Peter’s shoulders. The two of them back off a bit allowing you enough space to prop Tony up on the rock behind him. You took the vial from around your neck and clasped it in your hand. You focused your powers to the vial; a light blue light shimmered around it, engulfing your hand. 

Tony eyed you a bit wearily. “We’re going home together. All of us.” You told him firmly. 

You placed your hand on his cheek, and focused on the burned skin surrounding your fingers. The water flooded through his veins, glowing a warm white light as it healed the torched wounds. 

“I’ll need to take you to Sanitatem to fully heal your wounds.” You whispered to him. “But this should heal the worst of them.” 

Tony pulled you close to him. 

Peter  nearly sobbed as he raced to join the now group hug.  You gave a watery laugh as the three of you were smooshed into the bear hug. 

You helped Tony to his feet as the newly rejoined Avengers return to the current day Earth. 

“Lets go home.” 

#endgame #avengers imagine #tony stark x reader #tony stark imagine #iron man imagine #tony stark #tony stark x you #avengers x reader #peter park x you #stephen strange x reader #endgame imagine #marvel imagine #tony stark one shot #waterbender reader #peter park imagine #wanda maximov

[afishcalledfatin]

Dr JUNG

ALL MY COVERS HAVE THE NAME 'INSOMNIAC' BECAUSE THIS WAS FROM MY OTHER ACCOUNT!!

summary:  in which Jaehyun is a shy and curious cardiologist who is afraid of love until he meets you.

Pairings: doctor! Jaehyun x female reader

genre: FLUFF

He’s a cardiologist.

Also in the ‘handsome doctors’ group huhu

loves learning

If he isn’t on call or working, he’d be reading any of his medical books, websites or blogs to gain more information. You will often find him in his office reading.

“Hey didn’t you just finished that book yesterday?” “The heart is very important. Maybe I missed out some info.” even though he knows he read every single sentence in the book.  

Likes to give out random facts. It doesn’t even have to be related to cardiology.

“Did you know a chinchilla has about 20 hairs per follicle. We humans only have 2-3. That’s why they are so freaking soft.” *continues to eat* “Hyung, we just asked for the time. What.”

The boy loves to read okay

He’s the head of the Cardiology department.

He’s really committed in his work. He loves what he does.

Gives seminars all the time

Is pretty popular because of his seminars.

HAS A FAN BASE OH MY GOD

Gets flustered easily

“has anyone ever told you, you looked like Zac Efron?” “Johnny, I swear to god.. please don’t.” as his ears turn slightly pink.

WHICH IS ANOTHER CUTE THING ABOUT HIM.

Always treats the guys for dinner.

“So are we splitting?” “Wait, Jaehyun paid.” “WHEN DID HE LEAVE HIS SEAT? BDSHSVH”

Constantly buys breakfast for Dr Seo.  

“I’m buying next time.” “Of course you are.”

Likes to quiz interns at random times. A lot of them try not to walk past him so they could avoid questions.

“Hey you, what are the causes of atrial fibrillation?” “Dr Jung, I have to-” “Not till you answer the question kiddo.”

He does it to test how quick they are. If they couldn’t answer his question or aren’t confident about their answer, he won’t be mean about it. He would probably tell them to read up or tell them that they need to be more confident.

He also likes it if anyone were to ask him questions.  

“Dr Jung, I’m so sorry to interrupt but can I ask you a question about the case you gave me?” “OH OF COURSE, COME SIT SIT.” and answer all your questions excitedly.

Jaehyun would be that doctor everyone looks up to.

Has a way with making patients less nervous. Especially with kids.

“Doc, am I gonna be okay?” “Hey, hey, everything is gonna be alright. I’ll do everything to make sure you’ll be able to play soccer again.”  

When he hangs out with neurologist, Dr Nakamoto, he will always ask questions about the brain.

“Yuta, you busy?” “Nope, you wanna go down to the cafe?” “Sure, I’ve got a new set of questions to ask anyways.” “over cake and coffee, yeah?”

In short, Dr Jung is very curious and very smart.

The elderly patients love him.  

“You are so handsome, Dr Jung. Why don’t you have a girlfriend?” “Mrs Park, just because I work on hearts doesn’t mean I’m good at love. The human heart is more complex than you may think. I mean it failed the last time I tried.”  

They always try to set up dates for him with their daughters, nieces, granddaughters, etc.

“My granddaughter is a lovely girl. Why don’t you two go for coffee?” “If I have the time, ma’am.” he would give his adorable smile and OH MY GOD

HIS DIMPLES MAKES EVERYONE FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM

Seeing Dr Jung smile is truly a blessing ;-;

and his laugh… oh my god.  

Flowers bloom, babies smile, my acne is clear.

If you catch him singing, DON’T! INTERRUPT! HIM! BECAUSE HIS VOICE IS AMAZING AND HE RARELY SINGS. JUST ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN.

GETS SHY AND WILL RUN AWAY.

Will try to avoid whoever caught him earlier for the rest of the day.

The guys tease him a lot.  

“Jaehyun, you need to go out more. Y’know, go hang out with the nurses or something. We’re worried for your love life.” “im pERFECTLY FINE GUYS STAHP.”

The problem was, it wasn’t that Jaehyun didn’t want to find someone to spend his life with. He was scared of love.  

OH BUT HUHU HOW DID HE MEET YOUR BEAUTIFUL SELF?

So, remember how I said old ladies set him up on dates?  

Dr Jung Jaehyun decided “Y’KNOW WHAT? I’M GONNA DO IT.”  

He agreed with one of his regular patients. He was going to go on a date with her daughter.  

he only knew your name which kind of made him more nervous.

You’ll find out why.

He was free on Friday, so he set the date then.

He wore a simple black t-shirt and tucked it in. He wore a denim jacket over it. He waited in the cafe patiently and a bit hopeful.

Truthfully, he was freaking out.

“OH MY GOD WHAT IF SHE DOESN’T LIKE ME? WHAT IF I DO SOMETHING EMBARRASSING? DO I TELL HER MY NAME IS YOON OH OR JAEHYUN? SHOULD I CALL TAEYONG FOR HELP? JOHNNY? WAIT NO THEY CANT KNOW.”

“Um, Jaehyun?”

He turns around and his eyes were ready to bulge out of his skull.

You were his high school crush.  

Your presence took his breath away. Like back in school. All your happy memories together rushing back to him. He really missed you.

“Y/N.. oh gosh it’s been a while.” he scratches the back of his neck.

“Hey. My mom told me about you. I was actually wondering if it was you.”  

“sis same.” he thought. He was actually happy to see you. You’ve become a beautiful, grown woman.

You two began talking like old times.

You and Jaehyun were classmates and you were in the same circle of friends.

“So, you’re a pediatrician?” he asks. You nod “Yup, I’m actually going to be transferred to your hospital in a few weeks.” he nearly chocked on his hot chocolate.

“REALLY?” he coughed. You couldn’t help but giggle at him. He was adorable.  

You pat his back a little, to ease his coughing.

The rest of your date was very pleasant. It was as if nothing changed.

“Jaehyun, are you still using the same number?” “Woah, you kept my phone number?” “Of course I did.”  

Guess whose ears were as red as a firetruck. *Woop woop woop woop*

You laughed “Ah, you’re still the same. I missed having you around.”

“Well, we’re gonna see each other a lot more now.” he smiled.  

You guys planned another date. Carefully planning to match your busy schedule.

Few months have passed and you two hit it off greatly. You were already working together. You guys tried to be careful but some were already curious

You both had many great dates on the beach, parks and markets. You also shared several hugs and kisses together.

Some nights you two would just watch a movie and cuddle at his house.

He had recently asked you to be his girlfriend and you happily agreed

By the way, you sorta died on the inside when you saw him in his lab coat and scrubs. Dr Jung pushed his hair back and he just looked gorgeous.

Every time you both went out on dates, he’d look super cute and he would wear boyfriend looks. BUT DR JUNG WAS LOOKIN’ HELLA FINE WHILE WORKING.

“Y/N you okay there?” “I… I’m so freaking lucky.” and you would walk off leaving Dr Jung confused

You would visit each others offices when both of you were free.  

One night, Johnny and Taeyong pulled Jaehyun into a corner. “DID YOU PLAN ON TELLING US THAT YOU AND DR Y/L/N ARE DATING?”  

“We… yeah we’re together…” the guys squealed. Nope not those “WOah BrOOO.” they screamed like a fangirl whose ship kissed.  

‘WE MUST CELEBRATE!! OUR YOON OH IS FINALLY TAKEN.” you could guess the reaction of many in the area. Some stared, some sighed disappointingly and some who were trying to get Dr Jung watched in disbelief

“BRING DR Y/L/N FOR DINNER WITH US LATER.”

He honestly had no idea how to tell you.

He walked into your office, your back turned to the door.

“Hey.” he hugged you from behind and kissed your cheek. You held onto his hands.

You both stayed like that before he looked down and saw you holding a rather familiar note.

“Oh my god… you kept it.” on your last day of school Jaehyun gave you a note before leaving.

Dear Y/N, I write this to you not knowing if you felt the same way as I did for the last three years. I have always loved you and not in a close friend way. I feel happy and calm when I’m around you. When you sing or laugh, its as if a beautiful melody played. When you get sad, my chest hurts seeing you like that. At first, I didn’t know what it was but now I do. I love you so much. I’m not sure if I’ll get to see you again but please know that you are beautiful and amazing. Never bring yourself down. You will do great things in life and I hope you will find your true love. goodbye. -Jae :)”

“This letter was my source of comfort and what motivated me to become a doctor. When I felt like giving up, I’d read this. Jaehyun, I went to your house that night.”

“You did?” “But your mom said you went out with your friends to celebrate you studying in America. I didn’t want to disturb you and your dreams so I just let it be. I wanted to call you several times but because I was also a medical student I knew how hectic our lives were.”

“Y/N…” “and I did feel the same for those three years, you butt.” you turn around and kissed him. His hands snaking around your waist, holding you close. Your hands holding onto his shoulders. His plush lips moving against yours. Once you both broke apart, slightly breathless you leaned on each others foreheads, enjoying the moment.

“Y’know how you said I hope you will find your one true love?” “Mhm?” “I think I found him and he’s super great.” “Is he now?” he grinned. He kissed your forehead, still hugging you. “Yeah, he’s a really cool doctor but when you get to know him, he’s easily flustered. His ears would turn pink.” “Hey!” as his ears turned a bright shade of pink.  

You were very happy to be together… at last.

Hello~ I don’t actually know how the medical world works, I only know the basics. I deeply apologize if there are mistakes.

Credits to owner of the photo.

#jaehyun #nct fluff #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nctzen #nct blurbs #nct drabbles #nct 127 #nct bulletpoints #jung jaehyun #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun drabbles #jaehyun bulletpoints #jaehyun blurbs

[froggycatvest]

Title: There’s a cafeteria? Words: 1200 Ships: None Warnings: None Characters: Benrey, Gordon, Tommy, Dr. Coomer, Bubby Part 5 of 5 Part 1 HERE

----

...when Benry went to follow, Gordon stepped in front of him with a firm, “Not you.”

He had held up his hand to stop him, but Benry walked into it instead. He wanted to see things get burned. Gordon was strong, though, and the hand against his chest stopped him.

“That was a lot of keys you had.” He sounded suspicious. “What are they for?”

“Doors.”

“What kind of doors.”

“Locked doors.”

Gordon suddenly made an angry noise, gripping hard at Benry’s vest. 

“I’m going to--!” He stopped and took in a deep breath, eyes smashing shut. When he opened them, there was tenseness to his jaw. “Look. All I’m saying is those had better not be keys to unlock the sheer multitude of locked doors we encountered the entire way here, because if I have to hear that we could have escaped way earlier than this, I’m going to just--” 

“You’re gonna what?” Benry goaded him, tilting his head to stare at him, eyes half-lidded. “You wanna fight?”

Gordon exhaled, showing teeth. “Yeah? You wanna go? Is that it?”

There was something in his eyes that made Benry feel that he would. That he’d fight. If pushed further, maybe. Benry didn’t want that.

“You shouldn’t if you’re hungry.”

Gordon blinked at that, then looked over his shoulder at Dr. Coomer stirring the pot, Tommy sitting on the counter, and Bubby standing on it to scrounge through the cabinets. Tommy waved at them.

“It’s almost done,” he called. “Stop arguing.”

All the tension drained from Gordon instantly as he whined out, “He started it. And you knew he had those keys the whole time, Tommy.”

“He’s our security guard, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said patiently. “He Guards and Secures important things.”

“I mean, yeah, but.” Gordon gravitated towards Tommy, only able to focus on one person at a time as he left Benry behind. “You really trust him?”

“Of course.”

“Just like that, huh?” Gordon replied in wonderment. “You gotta tell me what you see in him.”

Tommy tilted his head a bit. “But you’re nice to him.”

Gordon’s face cringed like he was in pain. “Don’t remind me,” he complained. He took a breath. “Aren’t you mad at what he did? He left you to fend for yourself. He put you in danger.”

Tommy’s eyes lowered. “Yeah…” He perked up. “But he helped turn off the alarm. And he found the cafeteria. We get to eat now.”

Dr. Coomer clicked off the stove. “Baby steps, Gordon,” he said gently. “We all have to do that for you, I believe.” A pause. “If you want, that is.”

Gordon’s face scrunched up again, for a different reason this time. “...Guys.”

Bubby stopped what he was doing to frown at him. “Are you all having a moment down there?”

Gordon gave a laugh like he was just realizing how ridiculous the whole situation was. “Sure,” he said, holding out his arms like he wanted a group hug. “Want to join us?”

Bubby looked around at all of them. Dr. Coomer held up his arms with an encouraging, “I’ll catch you.”

“I can get down myself,” Bubby insisted, while Tommy got excited.

“But it’s more fun to Jump,” he said, straightening up, and Benry shouted.

“Do a stage dive!”

Gordon gave Benry a look, before shrugging. “You know what?” He turned back to grin at Bubby. “Sure. We’ll catch you.”

Dr. Coomer kept it up, smiling. “Only a few people have died performing a stage dive. The odds are in your favor.”

Bubby crouched down. “I don’t think so. I’m not taking the chance before I can get something to eat.”

He brought down some bowls and handed them to Dr. Coomer, while Tommy let out a disappointed aw.

Benry joined them, mimicking how Gordon and Dr. Coomer had their hands up. “Tommy jump.”

Tommy immediately stood up on the counter, towering over everyone. “Are you sure?”

“Tommy,” Gordon said with concern, offering him his hand. “I know you trust him, but I really don’t think he’s strong enough to hold you up.”

“No fun allowed,” Benry complained, eyes boring straight into Gordon’s, while Dr. Coomer nodded.

“A fussbudget, one would say.”

“Someone has to be!” Gordon pointed out as Tommy took his hand and hopped to the floor. “I’m trying to be a responsible leader here.”

No one said anything.

“I’m doing good, right?” Everyone stared, unmoving, and Gordon gave an exasperated look. “Guys.”

“The food is ready,” Dr. Coomer said brightly, ladling soup into bowls.

Gordon spoke to himself as he went back to his box of cereal. “Well, I think I’m doing pretty good.”

Benry approached him at the counter where he was pouring the cereal into the two bowls from earlier. “You’ve got, uh…” He pointed at the bowls. “You’re eating for two, huh?”

Gordon looked him dead in the eye. “One. Is. For. You.”

“Oh I don’t eat.”

“You don’t eat.” Gordon sounded like he just accepted it as fact. “You don’t eat. You don’t sleep. You don’t die. What else can you do?”

Benry ignored him to tear open a new milk carton.

“Oh?” Gordon had such a smarmy smug expression as he held up his bowl to him. “Being nice? Is that a thing you can do?”

He was just going to pour milk. To calm him down. Milk calms down people. Warm from the microwave or something. Why was he being so rude?

“Dude, dude!” 

Benry’s eyes focused back to the moment. The first thing he noticed was Gordon’s incredulous expression. Next, the bowl overflowing with milk in the other’s outstretched hand. His own bored tone reached his ears. 

“Oh bro. You spilled.”

Gordon snapped at him. “You were the one pouring!”

“Gordon,” Dr. Coomer chided. “Don’t waste. The rest of us want some, too.”

And Benry chimed in. “You have to pay for that.”

As expected, Gordon shot him a look, mouth working around many things he probably wanted to say at once. “I--why do I have to pay for it when you spilled it?” His mood changed immediately as another thought hit him. “Wait, do we even have to pay? Aren’t the meals here free? Aren’t we government funded?”

“That's the government for you,” Dr. Coomer replied cheerfully. “Nothing is free. Same as your hev suit. It's not yours, after all.”

“Right.” Gordon pointed at Benry. “See, if you got milk on this and damaged it, you'd have to pay for it.”

“Too bad.”

“Too bad? This suit is expensive. Probably more than what you’re paid in, like...an entire year.”

Benry kept quiet, looking around the room. It was probably true. It was probably true of every piece of equipment in Black Mesa. He didn’t need to be reminded that he wasn’t paid well. 

Benry found himself turning his back to him, his words coming out quick with a click of his tongue. “Yeah so?”

There was a pause between them, and when Gordon spoke he sounded genuinely apologetic. “Did I hurt your feelings? Oh, jeez. Benrey, I didn’t mean it. Look, I bet it cost more than my paycheck, too. I don't even know what I get paid.” 

He approached, patting Benry on the shoulder, being all friendly like he always did, always doing that encouraging talk of his. “Hey, fight the system. Demand better pay. Especially now, you know, considering all this...aliens and shit. Don’t you get hazard pay?” 

Benry glanced at the hand on his shoulder, but let him keep it there. “I think you’ve been the hazard.”

Gordon shrugged. “Yeah, I guess so. Danger just follows me, huh?”

He patted him again, before sitting down with the others at the table. He waved him over.

“Come on. Sit down and eat.”

#hlvrai #FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT #nah they behave

[chaoticspacefam]

OC Playlist Meme - Saarai (of course)

I was tagged by @thehighground​ (thank you! :D) this one was super fun!! I was caught between the twins of who I should do for this one, Saarai won because she is my favourite and her 70-song playlist was basically made for memes like this (yes, you heard me, 70. No it’s not a typo. Yes I have a slight, maybe, problem with her being my favourite LOL) 👍

I’ve shared all their playlists at various points, if you search up the “swtor oc theme songs” and “oc playlist” tag on the blog you should be able to find them! Or if you want links to the full playlists drop me a line and I can link you to them no problem! :D

Just the one this time cause this one’s pretty long, if I get tagged again tho I’ll do Ni’kasi next! :D

I shall tag (if you feel like it, no pressure as always!) @abyssal-space​ @stratosara​ @anchanted-one​ @pauletta-00​ @hypnowinnermugpeach​ and anybody else who wants to have a go, this one’s super fun! Long post so under a cut! <3 gonna pop the content warning up here to: TW for mention of past abuse/manipulation and parental abuse in one of the songs in case ya wanna avoid it. there’s a warning above the specific section as well if you wanna read the rest and just skip that song, up to you!

♦️  Their intro theme: Up The Wolves - The Mountain Goats

“I’m gonna get myself in fighting trim, scope out every angle of unfair advantage. I’m gonna bribe the officials, I’m gonna kill all the judges! It’s gonna take you people years to recover from all of the damage!! Our mother has been absent, ever since we founded Rome. But there’s gonna be a party when the wolf comes home.”

♦️  Their own favorite song: DARKSIDE - Shinedown

(She has to set a good example with being one of the leaders of the Alliance (especially because her saying “don’t do that” is the only reason her sister and Aria don’t go for their new Jedi allies - at least to start with, before the Alliance y’know, bonds and becomes a proper coalition!). But learning to trust Jedi was still hard for her after what they did to her people, and I feel like if it existed in the verse she’d find it relatable and listen to it a lot.)

“Can you hear me, am I speaking clearly? Are you star-struck or just made of stone? Block out the actors, and all these bastards. That took all the fun out of rage and revenge.”

♦️  Their boss battle theme: Castle - Halsey

(it was difficult to pick one for this one, she has quite a few in her playlist that I consider her “boss battle” songs for various points in her life/the two different verses. But I think this one is the most universal! :D)

“I’m heading straight for the castle. They wanna make me their Queen. And there’s an old man sitting on the throne there sayin’ that I ‘probably shouldn’t be so mean.’ I’m heading straight for the castle...they got the kingdom locked up. And there’s an old man sitting on the throne there sayin’ ‘I should probably keep my pretty mouth shut!’.”

♦️  Their love song: (one for each of her main ships, but again, they have whole playlists because I use playlists to “set the mood” of the character/ship while I write. Pro writing tip, do it. It helps [nod nod] <3)

For Zephyrverse/Sash: Heaven’s Gate - Fall Out Boy

“And in the end if I don’t make it on the list, would you sneak me a wristband? Or would you give me, give me, give me a boost? Give me a boost over heaven’s gate. I’m gonna need a boost, cause everything else is a subtitute for your love. Give me a boost over heaven’s gate.”

For Subterfugeverse/Lana & Koth: The Last Of The Real Ones - Fall Out Boy

“I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you, but not as much as I do. As much as I do...Cause you’re the last of a dying breed, write our names on the wet concrete. I wonder if your therapist knows everything about me. I’m here in search of your glory, there’s been a million before me, that ultra-kind of love you never walk away from. ”

♦️  Their sad times song: Bruno Is Orange - Hop Along (tw: mention of abuse/manipulation, parental abuse)

“ ‘Bruno, what happened to your good sense?!’ I broke down ‘That man was good!!’ ‘I bet he works for the government!’ Did you hear about that mother, broke her daughter’s legs in two and said: ‘It’s too dangerous out there to walk so I have to save you!’ ”

♦️  A song that fits their aesthetic: Woman King - Iron & Wine

“Black hoof mare. Broken leg. Eye on the shotgun shell. Age old dog. Hornet’s nest. Built in the big church bell. Hundred years, hundred more. Someday we may see a woman king, sword in hand, swing at some evil and bleed.”

♦️  A song that reminds them of a better time: Downhill - Lincoln

(though most of this song has sad undertones to it, this part in particular would remind her of the short time she had with her father when he was alive, when he would take the twins outside and sit them on his lap to look at the stars <3)

“Cause you were the first one to show me the stars. And they don’t mean much to me, but I still wonder where you are. Some nights I still try to find you, relative to constellations. And all your relatives are still on vacation, or so I heard from a friend...”

♦️  A song that calms them down: 10,000 Enemies - Emeli Sandé

(headcanon that this is a song their mother D’leah used to sing to her and her twin, Ni’kasi, when they were children hiding out on Rishi and it stuck with her.)

“I hear the sweetest sound, blowing from the North. It says ‘don’t panic now, what’s mine is yours...’ I hope 10,000 times you tell me the truth. Cause now there’s much to do. I trust in you. I shall be free...I shall be free. We shall be free.”

♦️  A song that gets them hyped up: Young And Menace - Fall Out Boy

“We’ve gone way too fast for way too long. And we were never supposed to make it half this far. And I’ve lived so much life, lived so much life. I think that God is gonna have to kill me twice.”

I’m assuming this section is meant to mean a song the character would associate with each season? So I hope I’ve interpreted that correctly, I wasn’t really sure what else it was referring to. So that’s what I’m doing LOL

♦️  Spring: Thunder - Imagine Dragons

“Just a young gun with a quick fuse. I was uptight, wanna let loose. I was dreaming of bigger things and wanna leave my own life behind. Not a yes sir, not a follower, fit the box, fit the mold, have a seat in the foyer. Take a number, I was lightning, before the thunder.”

♦️  Summer: The Times They Are A’Changin’ - Fort Nowhere

(a.k.a the time of year where everything went to hell for her, though she uses it to remind her of how far she’s come once she’s older and more at peace with everything that happened so it’s positive in the end!)

“Come gather round people, wherever you roam. And admit that the waters around you have grown, and accept it that soon you’ll be drenched to the bone. If your time to you is worth saving, well you better start swimming or you’ll sink like a stone. For the times, they are a’changin’.”

♦️  Autumn: Dragon - Built By Titan feat. Skyborne

“When I was younger, I had a dragon. We would fly away to places you can’t imagine. And this is a story, of a lonely island. And a boy who found a way to become a lion.”

♦️  Winter: Youth - Glass Animals

(Winter is when Ty was born so it’s a mixed bag of trauma-induced depression (See “sad-times” song above), missing her twin and being sad about what happened but also wanting to make sure Ty never has to experience what she did and just wanting him to have a safe & happy life, so. This song kinda fits that.)

“Boy, when I left you you were young. I was gone but not my love, you were clearly meant for more than a life lost in the war. Oh, I want you to be happy, free to run get dizzy on caffeine, funny friends that make you laugh and maybe you’re just a little bit dappy.”

♦️  The song that plays while they’re lying on the ground bleeding out in a Walmart: Everything You Ever - Neil Patrick Harris (from Dr Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog)

“So your world’s benign. So you think justice has a voice? And we all have a choice? Well now, your world is mine.”

♦️  The song that would play each morning if they’re stuck in a time loop: Ends Of The Earth - Lord Huron

“ Oh, there's an island where all things are silent, I'm gonna whistle a tune. Oh, there's a desert that size can't be measured; I'm gonna count all the dunes.”

♦️  The song they’d listen to while robbing a Wendy’s: Pork Soda - Glass Animals

“Somebody said I’m a fucking slum, don’t know where I belong. Maybe you’re fucking dumb, maybe I’m just a bum. Maybe you’re fucking scum, don’t you go psycho chum.”

♦️  The song they’d accidentally introduce to people in medieval times if they were a time traveller: The Time Warp - Rocky Horror Picture Show.

(Also not accidentally, she has a silly side and she’d probably play this one for the LOL’s to see who got it or who got mad. She’d totally learn the dance moves and do those too XD)

“ The blackness would hit me And the void would be calling Let's do the Time Warp again Let's do the Time Warp again.”

♦️  The song they’d play in the middle of the night when their neighbors are being too loud: Blood // Water - grandson

("Do you think if I play a really loud, aggressively threatening song they’d shut the fuck up? I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna try it.” XD).

“You’ll never get free, lamb to the slaughter, what you gon’ do when there’s blood in the water?!”

♦️  The song that plays at their funeral: Sax Rohmer #1 - The Mountain Goats

“Ships loosed from their moorings capsize and then they're gone. Sailors with no captains watch a while and then move on. And an agent crests the shadows and I head in her direction. All roads lead toward the same blocked intersection. And I am coming home to you. With my own blood in my mouth...yes I am coming home, to you. If it’s the last thing that I do.”

♦️  The song that plays when it’s revealed that they faked their death: Joan of Arc - Arcade Fire

“You’re the one that they used to hate but they like you now. And everything that goes away will return somehow....first they love you, then they kill you, then they love you again...and then they love you, then they kill you, then they love you again.”

#swtor #star wars: the old republic #OC meme #tagged meme #swtor OC playlists #swtor oc theme songs #swtor oc: saarai ahaszaai #sith warrior #sith pureblood #[me cackling gleefully as i have yet another excuse to put my excessively-in-depth character playlists to good use] #except for the time warp obvs that's not in her playlist but c'mon what other song would you play to troll people when you time travel XD #let's face it saarai's basically taken over this blog #i should change my icon to one of my many screenshots of her really #tw: past trauma #tw: past abuse #tw: parental abuse #tw: manipulation

[jewpacabruhs]

hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about. 

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do. 

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it. 

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally. 

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious  

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020! 

#txt #mine