#HE'S TRYING TO GRIEVE

[babacontainsmultitudes]

Accidentally coming across this devastating Glenn line is what made me feel compelled to make that Nick poll, fyi. Just in case you needed the opposite of a pick-me-up.

#dungeons and daddies #dndads #glenn close #nick foster #nick close #The dad fact that establishes this is relatively early in the show #and I remembered that right like I knew that #I did *not* remember this line #(maybe I repressed a lot of the sad late-season Glenn stuff idk it's really the most this show has ever fucked me up) #and I felt personally attacked by how sad this is #also clawing at the walls trying to scream at these fictional characters like #HE'S TRYING TO GRIEVE #HE'S TRYING TO GRIEVE BUT HE NEVER LEARNED HOW YOU CAN'T BRUSH HIM OFF NOOOOOO #HE'S TRYING SO HARD TO TALK ABOUT IT #HE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT NICK YOU NEED TO TALK WITH HIM ABOUT NICK #so now you know my answer to that poll! #Glenn and Nick are really something #they're really something cause on the one hand #there are a lot of important tells that Glenn actually understands his son *very* well #BUT ALSO #minions. and everything it says about their relationship #most especially Nick not being honest about his wants and his likes and his needs because he wants his dad to be proud of him #LIKE GLENN NOT BEING HONEST ABOUT HIS CAREER CAUSE HE WANTS HIS SON TO BE PROUD OF HIM #but they're so silly both of them #cause none of that stuff actually matters. As Glenn himself comes to understand at the end of the arc #Nick just wants his dad #AND GLENN JUST WANTS HIS SON NNGH

[nerdpoe]

Little Zuko and little Azula love Lu Ten. They love Lu Ten so much, they successfully smuggled themselves into Lu Ten's baggage when Lu Ten left to go fight.

Lu Ten, meanwhile, finds out that his little cousins snuck along for the ride way too late.

He knows they're gonna lose the fight.

He isn't about to let a couple of little kids die like that, murdered by Ba Sing Se soldiers too hyped up by war.

He may have been prepared to put his own life on the line, but he's not sacrificing Zuko or Azula's. But he also knows that if he flees the field with them, then Ozai will absolutely use that as an excuse to "punish" his own children.

Lu Ten does not want to know what that punishment entails. He is, in fact, more terrified by whatever it may be than the literal war raging outside his tent.

So.

So.

He swallows his pride for his country, his love for his father, and his dreams of being a successful general.

He grabs the kids, fakes his death, and runs.

#atla au #atla #lu ten #azula #zuko #zuko and azula raised by a stressed and trying lu ten #iroh still grieves #but during his journeys he realizes that lu ten probably isn't dead #but he steers clear of where he thinks lu ten went because he doesn't want to lead ozai to him #he has the order watch over them from afar #ozai still had his father killed #but his meeting was interrupted by ursa instead #so he challenged her to agni kai #and scarred her #and ursa is the one banished from the fire nation in search of the avatar #iroh went along with her #but she intends to help the avatar destroy the fire nation #since it is the one that took her son and daughter #story prompt

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I want it back / I drag its dead weight forward.

#Better drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #digital art #This was a style experimentation doodle that took on a life of its own. #In a way it is a great example of 'beautiful failure'. The original goal was to try a pure black and white contrast piece. #Which I very much failed at doing. Not quite ready for that! However what this turned into is something I like a lot! #Different but in a way that really pushed me as an artist. A little less simple; a little more proportional. #I was also recently thinking about LWJ's grieving that we only catch glimpses of. #LWJ grieved his first love for 13 years. His love that was never reciprocated. #He chose to dedicate his heart to that mourning and most painfully of all - he did so knowing there was no end to that grief. #Wei Wuxian comes back to life in MDZS but that is an exception. Not the expectation. #He was dead. Not missing. Not 'maybe in hiding'. He was dead and his spirit unreachable. #Jiang Cheng went forwards with denial but LWJ takes that grief on. He copes by continuing to carry the weight with him. #Let me be clear. Neither are healthy approaches. It is a way to cope but it does not mean that is healing or healthy. #Grief is loved transformed but it is also about endurance and letting go. Grief can change you. You can also change your grief. #It isn't a good or evil thing to experience. It is just an experience.

[tubchunk]

wdym that everyone who stayed back on the island stayed back for love. wdym everyone that ran to save themselves also did it for their love for each other. wdym people tried their best to save the people they'd spent two weeks fighting cuz at the end there was love THERE WAS LOVE.

thats what the qsmp has always been about. it's love. all kinds of love. and what you're willing to do for that love. its love its love its love

#q!cellbit staying bc he didn't want to leave richas #q!baghera staying bc she couldn't leave pomme #q!foolish using and popping a totem trying to save leo #and going back to try and save q!tina and q!mouse #q!phil ripping his wings apart if it means flying him and q!tubbo to safety #q!fit flying through a meteor shower if it means saving ANYONE and saving q!bagi #all the residents shouting and pulling each other onto the boat constantly checking who has made it and who else is left #at the end of purgatory is when they were their MOST human #and even though theyre grieving their children and their friends #unsure of whats about to happen #the love is there #its always been love #qsmp #qsmp purgatory

[ryssbelle]

Does the flower from your first n2 post have any significance? Why isn't it blooming?

Yes the flower here does have significance!

It’s a memorial flower, the exact species of flower is one I made up, it’s one that has a strange growth period, there’s no real way to tell when it’s going to bloom but it does only bloom at night.

John Dory got the seeds while on one of his searches and gave it to Floyd since at the time Floyd was severely depressed and was spending all day everyday in his room in the bunker. JD had given Floyd a bunch of seeds for a garden but Floyd ended up only planting one which he’s been taking care of since he planted it.

He planted it on Clays birthday so they refer to it as Clay’s flower, but it’s a memorial for all their lost family members, so their parents, grandma, Clay, and Spruce/Bruce

Other than just maintaining it, Floyd also talks to it like the ones they lost can hear him through the flower, he visits it at least once everyday while the other brothers only visit on anniversaries and birthdays. (They also only bring the lights and photos out then as well, to keep the photos safe from damage)

It’s Floyd’s way of grieving :)

#ryss responds #not the only one au #n2 au #trolls #trolls 3 #trolls band together #trolls Floyd #I wanted to give them each a different way of grieving their family #JD is obsessively trying to correct his mistake (failing to save clay) by trying to find him and spruce if they’re still out there #branch isolates and builds a bunker to protect himself and what family he has left #and Floyd does gardening #they also refer to the area where the flower is as the garden or Floyd’s garden #even tho there’s only one flower #the area around the flower is also heavily booby trapped #the only people who know how to get to it are the brothers and poppy #this is to stop trolls from accidentally harming it and to stop critters from eating it #its a big flower by troll standards but by others its a small flower #in my head its one of those that are usually in clusters #but this one stands alone #maybe its a metaphor #who knows teehe #but yeah I’ve actually thought about the flower a lot #also the reason poppy knows where to find it and how to get to it is because she helps take care of it when Floyd’s away #she’s also the one who picked the spot #she doesn’t like the traps but any one she took down immediately got replaced so she stopped trying #and just learned the steps to get around them #btw the steps to get around the traps are the old choreo for a brozone song lmao #because I loved that aspect of tbgo where branch sets the paths around traps to songs from his childhood #so he done did it again

[movie-robotnik-positivity]

Robotnik has a strange effect in men

#how many men does he have grieving him and trying to complete his life's work? #not beating the allegations #knuckles series #robotnik #dr. robotnik #agent stone

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 145

Vlad has finally gotten Daniel as a son! It’s wonderful, it’s great, it’s… actually really disheartening in how it happened. Maddie and Jack and Jazz are dead. He knows he said he wished for Jack’s death, but now that it’s happened he just feels… empty. 

Empty in a way reflected by Danny, a deep echoing void gnawing from their very cores, made worse the longer they stay in Amity. In a place where the more metaphorical ghosts wander seemingly everywhere. 

He always wanted a family Danny as a son, but now he’s uncertain as to what to do. Therapy and counseling is out of the question, not with the entire Spectra situation, nor with the fact that they aren’t exactly normal people. It’s not like they can ever talk about the soul-rending agony of dying, and then somehow not, going against the laws of reality itself. 

So he moves them, gets into contact with Ellie along the way. Another mistake he made that nearly worsens the cracks in his very Core whenever he thinks of it. They can’t go to Wisconsin- too many memories there as well, so they need to settle somewhere, anywhere else. 

Which is how he ended up purchasing a semi-old manor in Gotham, previously owned by… someone, the Dragons, Dreks, Drinks, something. It’s hard to remember things when he’s pushing all his energy to care for the younger halfas in the way he should have from the very beginning. 

It’ll take a while, but hopefully… Hopefully he can make everything alright. No more heroing or villianing, just… figuring out how to be a better person, if not for himself or the kids then for his late friends. 

#dcxdp #dpxdc #prompts #vlad has regrets #they're all grieving even if Ellie never met Maddie or Jack #She misses Jazz #Gotham is probably not the first choice to move for most #But they just needed to leave and find some place to disappear from the public eye for a while #The batfam are now their neighbors who are trying to find information #meanwhile the Masters could care less #they are Grieving #And want to practically curl up in a corner and never emerge #redeemed vlad #or at least in progress redeemed vlad #he's working on it even if his business practices aren't the most clean

[thelilylav]

We only see each other at funerals

(On Jason, Thalia, Nico, Bianca, and their parallels/connections)

The Titan's Curse (Rick Riordan), @/anxiousmaya_, Right Now (Gracie Abrams), The Battle of the Labyrinth (Rick Riordan), Joan of Arc (Mary Gordon), The Lost Hero (Rick Riordan), Episodes Toward and Elegy for Halley's Comet (Lindsey Drager), Jason Grace (Riordan Wiki), The Gods Show Up (Michael Kinnucan), The House of Hades (Rick Riordan), What the Living Do (Marie Howe), The House of Hades (Rick Riordan), Planet of Love (Richard Siken), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), Tangerine (Nolune), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), I Bet On Losing Dogs (Mitski), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), @/abhorarchive (Twitter), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), Seventeen (MARINA), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), @/rollercoasterwords, The Tyrant's Tomb (Rick Riordan), @/the-overanalyst, Where Things Come Back (John Corey Whaley), Grit (Silas Denver Martin), Softcore (The Neighbourhood), The Tower of Nero (Rick Riordan), Frost (Mitski), @/moonbends, I'm Your Man (Mitski), Sun Bleached Flies (Ethel Cain), The Tower of Nero (Rick Riordan), Three (Sleeping At Last), My Art

#nono you don't understand it's about the siblings #it's about how thalia lost jason once only to get him back and lose him again #it's how jason and bianca both walked into their deaths with their eyes wide open #it's about zeus trying to kill nico and bianca and him doing nothing to stop jason from dying #it's about thalia being in the hunters and nico hating her but he knows how to grieve with that kind of loss #so he'll help her. for jason. for bianca. because no one deserves to mourn a sibling alone #like these four barely interact but they're soooo connected i could go on forever #i'm so sad thalia and nico never actually got a scene together after the burning maze #and ALSO #it's about the fact that reyna is one of the most (if not the most) important people left in their lives #LIKE #do you think thalia found out how close nico and reyna were and started watching her more closely #because every person the two of them have shared has ended up six feet under #so reyna gets annoyed with how protective thalia is but she doesn't stop her bc part of her can tell thalia needs it #and nico constantly checks to make sure reyna's life force is still strong #bc he never wants to be caught off guard by a death again #ok im done now i promise #the trials of apollo #trials of apollo #nico di angelo #reyna ramirez arellano #reyna avila ramirez arellano #web weaving #fanart #my art tag #thalia grace #jason grace #percy jackson #percy jackson fanart #bianca di angelo

[ghost-bxrd]

Ohhhhhh that last ask where you mentioned him forgetting Jason's dimples just drives me crazy. I love that sort of angst where they wake up one day and realize they forgot something about the person they love most. The horror, the rising panic as they desperately search their mind for something that will remind them. Like-

He scrambled for picture after picture, hands shaking, breaths coming out quick and short. Simultaneously, each picture was held gently, lovingly, achingly. Despite this, with every passing minute no single picture gave him the answer he was looking for. Setting them down he got to his feet. Dick scrambled for the door, running, running, running, and finally barging into his dad's study.

"Chum?"

"Dad", he choked out, "dad did Jason have freckles on his face? I cant- oh God I can't remember." He trailed off. "I can't remember."

Oh wow okay yeah that broke my heart clean in two 😭

It’s natural for memories to become foggy with time, but when it’s memories of loved ones that are gone already… it’s agonizing. 😔🦉

(Dick regularly repeats Jason’s special little hoot to himself because he’s terrified he’s going to forget it. But after a year— how can he be sure that’s really what it sounded like?)

#the more memories of Jason become foggy #the more talon sinks into despair #Tim is burning the candle at both ends trying to keep Batman AND Nightwing alive #even though he’s similarly grieving Jason #Bruce makes a sound list of Jason’s bird calls #it’s the only thing that will get dick to calm down when he’s tagged with fear toxin these days #even though the fallout of it after the antidote works is always… tough #talon dick grayson #jason todd #batfamily #dick grayson #batfam #bruce wayne #robin #tim drake #owl song

[snailasleep]

why does vash carry cigarettes if he never smokes?

extra comic

if it makes anyone feel better heres what i named some of the layers for this comic

also panels i liked!

see you, vash! until next time!

#sorry im not that good at writing dialogue i just needed to get vash grieving out of my system. #the irregular amount of smoke from the cigarette is wolfwood trying to hug vash /hj #also author's note the panel where vash has the cig near his mouth in the first page is supposed to be a fakeout. #dont think i executed it that clearly but its supposed to be like he's about to put it in but instead he's just smelling it and lookingat i #you can tell i got crazier with each panel of this comic. #trigun spoilers #trigun maximum spoilers #trimax spoilers #vashwood #implied vashwood #angst #this is like my second angst comic for any fandom ever #vash the stampede #trigun #trimax #post trimax #post trimax vash #black hair vash #digital #art #illustration #fanart #comic #cw grief #also for anyone confused about what vash is doing with the cigarette #placing a lit cig on someone's grave is a gesture of giving them a smoke in the afterlife #not sure what cultures/religions do it but my family members have done it b4 and thats what inspired this comic #post trimax vash saves cigarettes not to smoke but to do this (and smell them occasionally) #also mfw i get the motivation to draw but its poorly timed and right b4 college starts #spoilers

[aloeverified]

daring being the equivalent to a pg-13 fuckboy was really funny, but i think it would've been so sad and compelling if he geniuely was in love with apple.

they know they're destined to be together, they grew up together and have talked about their relationship many times. they agreed to not date until their destiny takes its course, as apple is paranoid about messing with their story and doing anything ahead of time.

daring sees how hard she works and how far she goes to strive for perfection; following ever task her mother gives her, always being ontop of her studies, never missing a chance to be kind and help others. she inspires him to do the same; topping his sword-fighting classes, using his strength and athletic skills to help others, always seizing the chance to save the day and protect others.

daring falls more and more in love with her each passing year, whereas apple just keeps waiting for the feeling to come to her. she reasons that she doesn't feel anything for daring because he hasn't awoken her from her coma and swallow her worries.

many people still fall for daring, but he tells them his heart is taken and his destiny is sealed: apple white is the only girl for him, and it's his duty to stay loyal to his future wife.

perhaps apple even visits the charming kingdom often, under the guise of spending time with her future in-laws to get away from the heavy pressure she faces at home. she grows closer with darling during these times, who admires apple and her ability to be satisfied with the royal life and expectations she has as a princess.

i think daring could still have a few small and tender moments with other girls, such as his admiration for cerise — but he does his best to push those feelings aside, maybe even feels guilty for them.

it's only after he fails to awaken apple in dragon games, where he is able to start his process on moving on. he agonizes over not being her prince, as it changes everything he knows: his destiny, his true love, and even the fact that he would participate in an out of destiny romance (something so taboo to a royal such as himself).

when finally given the chance to do so, daring asks apple if she loves him — if she ever had or ever could, in the same way he loves her. they have a long conversation, one that ends with both of them in tears. apple does daring, but she's not in love with him. she's always known there was something different about her when she didn't long for her prince charming like other princesses did, and now thanks to darling, she knows why.

daring learns how to move on. it's a tedious process, and one that hurts, but he moves on. and so does apple. he still loves her, and she still loves him. only now, they also love themselves.

#i hope this doesn't come across as me trying to make daring the victim in the situation where apple is a lesbian #i just think that with all the topics eah talks about it would also be really interesting to see how they handle moving on from #being in love with someone #and respecting their boundaries as well as understanding that no one owes you reciprocation #not only that but i feel like a lot of people overlook how daring essentially had the rug pulled out from under him #everything he thought he knew was wrong and he had his whole future taken away in the blink of an eye #bro is grieving #ever after high #dapple #dappling #daring charming #apple white #darling charming #eah headcanons #aloeverants

[albino-parakeet]

“You okay Darius?”

This is the scene I was talking about in my previous post btw. A good chunk of JP fans I’ve seen think of it as really silly.

Music used in the BG: Jurassic Park 3 Soundtrack: Plane Ride/Alan’s Nightmare. At around the 1:30 mark

Transcript undercut

Transcript:

[Darius relaxing in the passenger seat of Ben’s van. Large footsteps approach causing the Dino ornament on the rear view mirror to bounce. Darius looks in the rear view mirror to see a glimpse of something]

[Darius turns to the driver side to see he’s alone]

Darius: Ben?!

[The footsteps stop and a shadow falls on the passenger window. Darius turns round in his seat and is met with an Allosaurus]

Allosaurus, in Brooklynn’s voice: Darius.

[Darius is frozen as the van disappears from under him, leaving him on the ground. Defenseless]

Allosaurus, still in Brooklynn’s voice: You said you’d be here.

[Darius unable to speak, sits in terror at the theropod circling him. Until the Allosaurus roars, mixed with Brooklynn’s screams, lunging at him. Darius throws his hands up in a useless effort to protect himself.]

Unknown Voice: Darius!

[Darius is shaken away by Ben, who is keeping his eyes on the road while driving. The grip on his shoulder is firm and almost painful, but grounds him from his night terror.]

Ben: You good, bud? You were having a bad dream.

[The screen changes to black with text meant to be read as Darius]

Darius, off screen: Yea… I’ll be fine.

#chaos theory #jurassic world chaos theory #chaos theory spoilers #jurassic world chaos theory spoilers #jwct spoilers #Other artists: *drawing sad grieving Darius and the other camp fam* #Me making this: I’m about to be hilarious #Darius my beloved son. You are so traumatized. Where’s your therapist? #I had to trace the allosaurus skull I drew for my Yoshiki drawing for one of the frames lol #I loved JP3 as a kid. So of course I had thought of a dream scene for Darius. Like he hasn’t suffered enough already #I DIDNT REALIZE HOW MEAN THIS WAS UNTIL I GOT THE AUDIO PART. WTF AM I TRYING MAKE MYSELF CRY???? #INFLICTING DAMAGE ON MYSELF PSYCHOLOGICALLY WITH THIS DAMN.

[uncanny-tranny]

Something I realized (which was obvious to me subconsciously) is that... The family that vehemently didn't accept me when I first came out but now do accept me are still the same family that I am most unwilling to be open about things I feel protective over.

I remember that my dad reacted so poorly, not to my coming out, but to my transition specifically that my therapist was the one to ask if I wanted to put it on my file that I wanted nothing to ever be shared with him about my health after I broke down multiple times due to my anxiety that I would never transition. While there are and were protections for me, I was incredibly fearful at the time because I was a minor, and I was so worried that he would have prevented my transition that I couldn't have said for certain what (if any) lengths he would have gone to to prevent that.

He's grown a lot as a person, and made some commendable strides. But he didn't find out from me when I medically transitioned the second I turned eighteen, and I think that's among the things that truly made him realize the scope of the issue.

I'm not here to guilt trip parents, guardians, or other members responsible for the care of the children or teens or young adults in their care.... but this is a cautionary tale. You aren't saving the people in your care when you do this, you simply reinforce an idea that you will never care for them, never want them as they are, would rather them be shoved away.

When you give people reasons to be secretive, they will behave secretively. When you give people reasons to doubt their safety around you, they will become sneaky, defensive, and withdrawn. When you give people reasons to doubt that you value their life, they will believe that you don't care if they live or not.

#queer #lgbt #lgbtq #ally advice #transphobia #transphobia tw #i always feel the need to preface that i have a rebuilt relationship with my dad specifically... #...but that my experiences with them have served to me in many ways to illustrate... well... what NOT to do if you are in his situation #i do still grieve that my relationship with him looks very scarred and that it took a long time to get to where he is now #but i recognize that in many ways this is a product of the world and culture we live in and that he lived in #in a world he grew up gay was used as a slur. would i expect that trans people would be treated better? #and he was responsible for how he reacted but also... it's nuanced as to why he reacted so poorly #and i want people to AVOID being like he did if they EVER want a decent relationship with the other person #i want this to be a cautionary tale and that my ending is unique. not all of us are even ABLE to repair a relationship that was THAT broken #some of us die trying. some of us never get closure. some of us are in active danger because of those reactions #and that's the more common reality i have found. most other queer people have no-contact with families who pulled the shit my dad had... #...and that's - frankly - a good idea in 99.9% of cases. i will never judge someone for the way they go about dealing with that #i'm just emphasizing that i am unique in the sense that i was able to somewhat repair that

[undertheredhood]

jason accidentally trauma-dumps to this masked vigilante who he’s somehow immediately comfortable trusting while willis todd who is not dead and is very much still alive (but still hasn’t told his only living child yet) is internally screaming “WHAT DID THEY DO TO MY PRECIOUS BABY BOY?!?!?!?”

#dc comics #dc universe #dcu #batman #red hood #jason todd #jason peter todd #jason was never the angry robin #wingman #willis todd #nah because why does dc make poor people be completely awful people? #look if willis todd was awful why does jason love him so much? #good parent willis todd #jason is different from the rest of the bats because unlike them he grieved his parents (especially his mom) long before they died #jason probably found out that willis was presumed dead long after it happened (because he was living on the streets for quite some time) #anyways willis is listening to jason nonchalantly speak about his trauma and is resisting the urge to beat bruce up #willis while carrying a 220 lb crime lord and sobbing: my precious baby what have they done to you? #danny todd (jason’s canonical older brother) is watching beyond the grave wondering why willis won’t tell jason who he is #jason starts talking about willis and willis is trying his hardest not to cry because he thought jason would hate him but it’s the opposite #like jason has so much love in his heart and honestly i wish someone would actually appreciate that

[dent-de-leon]

Do not think I'll get over the fact that Molly encourages the idea that he's always had a string of lovers, lets people believe he goes off with someone new or visits brothels every night, and the whole thing is just...just because he doesn't want anyone to find out he's got this bleeding heart.

That his "choir practice" is him risking his life to save some strangers he's never met. That he's this compassionate, fiercely loyal protector who believes, "The truth is...How do I put this...the world is harsh and cruel, and I don't seem to be able to just walk on by."

That he has this reputation for being a shameless flirt with countless partners, and just...as far as we know, he only ever had one relationship. And after she died, he carried her cards and wore her coat every day, kept her close to his heart and never said a word about it. Not until he admits to Yasha that he's lonely, that he wishes he still had someone. The way Molly is grieving and mourning a partner just like Yasha, and no one ever knew.

The way Lucien couldn't believe that Jester found him "dreamy," the way people only ever saw him as a demon and monster for so long. Waking up as Kingsley and still looking for the love he lost. Still falling for Caleb. Tealeaf keeping so much close to the chest, afraid to let himself be too vulnerable. Only ever trusting his heart with a few. Wanting so badly to be good, to be loved, to be whole. Worshipping the goddess of love herself. Writing down, "Love. It binds us. It frees us. What more needs be said?"

#laying on the floor. head in my hands #every instance of the nein joking about molly running off with someone or locking fjord out of their room at night is just... #it gets so sad and depressing with the background that molly is a direct parallel to yasha being a grieving widow. how molly lost #his love too and still struggles with actually opening up his heart and being vulnerable with others-- #mollymauk my beloved #believing the nein would leave him as soon as they found out about lucien-- #molly always running and trying so hard to seem so worldly and experienced. terrified of anyone finding out that the world is still so #New to him. that hes only had a few short years to try and fill the clawing emptiness #I don't know...I really think molly didnt have anyone but lestera before #and it makes the fact that he still feels for her and caleb as kingsley all the more heartbreaking

[transmascutena]

(a very quick and unpolished thing i wrote on the bus home today)

Utena, Anthy, and a conversation about love. Around 500 words.

---

“I loved him,” Utena says. She feels vulnerable admitting it, staring at the ceiling rather than at Anthy curled up at her side. “Not… not in the way he tried to convince me I did. But…” she sighs at the feeling of Anthy's fingers moving gently up and down her arm. “But I did love him.”

Anthy is quiet, and Utena can tell she’s waiting for her to say the next thing, the logical conclusion to this line of thought. It’s the hardest part to admit to herself, let alone to someone else. Let alone to Anthy.

She takes a breath. “Sometimes I feel like I still do.” Anthy exhales against her shoulder.

“Love is,” Anthy starts, then stops. Utena feels her shake her head. “It’s not… enough, on its own. I loved him too. I still do. I think I always will.”

Utena squeezes Anthy’s hand in the dark, and for a while they simply listen to each other breathe. “I’m not sure I even know what love is,” Utena says. “I definitely didn’t, growing up. But I wanted it, more than anything. He knew that. He offered it to me, and he knew I would do anything to keep it.”

“Family,” Anthy whispers, her mouth still pressed against Utena’s shoulder.

“Yeah. Family.”

They’re both quiet for a while, aware of the weight of the conversation. The entirety of what used to be their world, all contained in that single word.

“Do you think…” Utena starts to ask, but hesitates. She doesn’t want to say the words, and doesn't want to hear Anthy’s answer.

“What is it?”

She shakes her head. “Nevermind. It doesn’t matter.”

“Everything matters,” Anthy says simply, but in a tone that tells Utena that she doesn’t have to say if she doesn’t want to.

She sighs. “I just mean, it doesn't change anything. It doesn’t make what he did… better. But I just wonder,” and she has wondered for years now, “I wonder if he loved us too. If any of it was real.”

Anthy wraps an arm Utena’s middle and touches her scar lightly. “He did,” Anthy says, confidently enough that Utena doesn’t question it. “It was as real as anything was in that place. But like I said, love is… It’s not an inherent good.”

“No,” Utena mumbles. “And he hurt us in spite of it.”

Anthy catches Utena’s eye for the first time since the conversation started. “He hurt us because of it, Utena.”

“Oh,” Utena breathes, turning her eyes back to the ceiling. She lets that revelation settle in her chest, but doesn’t know how to feel about it. She was right that it doesn’t make any of it better. She’s not sure whether or not it makes it worse.

#grieving what somebody could have been to you / what they once were 👍 #(i'm trying to get out of my comfort zone by actually posting more of my writing on this blog please be nice to me about it lol) #also i should hope it's obvious but this isn't about romantic love. just so we're clear on that #revolutionary girl utena #fanfics #utena #anthy #utena and anthy #akio #<- his name is never actually said and he isn't there but. the conversation is about him. so. #m #don't be afraid of this world where we'll meet