#I can’t get this silly oc out of my head lmao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

retrievablememories · 3 years

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love thy neighbor | kun (m)

title: love thy neighbor pairing: kun x black reader genre: fluff, smut, neighbors to lovers request: “Hello again Rain! I hope you're doing well and I'm happy to see you're open for requests again. Your writing in general is a treat to look forward to. An idea for a fic I'd like to suggest is wayv kun/black oc where they're neighbors that secretly pine for another and do feel free get very nsfw lmao. TY!” word count: 5.7k warnings: alcohol use, protected sex, dirty talk, dry humping, riding a/n: i used a prompt from this list of ideas to help me create this fic.

i’m sorry, this fic could’ve theoretically been finished long ago but took me 3893 years because kun intimidates me (and i don’t know why) and that makes it hard to write for him l m f a o chile anyway...

Your neighbor might actually kill you one day—but only in the figurative sense.

Kun is too beautiful and kind for your sanity; he’s like one of those men out of a romantic novel who simply should not exist. In other words, the ideal guy. One who helps all the little old ladies in the building take their groceries up to their apartments, one who feeds all the stray cats that hang around the complex, one who helps new tenants move their things in without even being asked.

Your roommate Charlotte would probably be totally smitten over him just like you if she did not already have her own happy relationship with her girlfriend. But since she does, she has decided to spend her time instead teasing you about your crush on him and trying to persuade you into getting tangled up in a matchmaking mess.

“I’m sure he already has a girlfriend, I don’t know, trying to shoot my shot seems ridiculous,” you say to her, worrying the edge of your blanket in your hands. You toss and turn on the couch, flipping onto your stomach and sighing before shuffling onto your back again. “People like that can never stay single for long. Right? They get snapped up quick.”

“You’d know if you simply asked,” Charlotte points out. “Staring holes into his head won’t help you find out more about him.”

“I guess you’re right,” you say, your fingers stumbling over the blanket as it momentarily slips from your hands. Still, the idea of asking him if he’s dating anyone, whether discreetly or more openly, makes you nervous. You’ve talked to Kun several times before, even hung out with him at those friendly get-togethers your apartment building always holds to get the residents mingling, but you’re still anxious around him. It makes you feel silly, like you’re back in high school; but you aren’t quite sure what to do with those emotions or how to form them into something coherent. “Easy to say all that when you already have the person you want, though.”

“Oh, girl. Love is not easy, but that’s why you have to fucking work for it. AKA, go for what—or who—the hell you want and stop pining over him like some lost Juliet on our couch. It’s better than watching you flop around like a dying fish.”

You stand up from the couch abruptly, leaving your blanket to the side and glaring at her. “You don’t get it, ugh.”

“I get it! But you refuse to let me help—”

“Yes, because if I did, you’d say something completely ridiculous and tell him I’m madly in love with him or something.” You head to the bathroom to check yourself in the mirror.

Charlotte throws her hands up in surrender. “Hey, maybe. But that wouldn’t be a lie.”

“Really? I don’t think—”

“I think so. The way you talk about this guy, it’s definitely sounding a little like love to me.”

Once you’re satisfied, you come back in the main room and grab your keys, wanting to end this conversation before Charlotte sets a world record for how many times she can make you feel embarrassed. “Whatever you say. I’m gonna go to the corner store, so...speak now if you need something or forever hold your peace.”

“You can’t run from it,” Charlotte sing-songs, going back to reading her magazine. “And no, I don’t need anything.”

Once you get out your front door, it’s just your luck when you see Kun’s door is also open. You are not dressed for running into him, of all people; your “corner store” clothes being just a T-shirt, leggings, and slides. You freeze in place and momentarily think about unlocking your door and bolting back inside, which you realize is utterly ridiculous. By then, it’s too late; he’s already coming out his door and closing it behind him.

He perks up when he sees you outside, smiling at you with those deep dimples that make your insides melt. “Hey Y/N, good to see you.”

“Kun! Uh—great to see you too.”

“Are you going out somewhere?” he asks. Inwardly, he feels a bit silly for asking because you clearly are, keys in hand and everything.

“Yeah, just to the store to get a few things.” You wave your hand, and you almost have the urge to lean on your doorframe to appear more calm and collected than you are. Which could potentially end up looking sillier than you intended. “How about you?”

“Going to see a friend,” he answers, and he brushes his hand through his hair in a way that’s completely casual but somehow modelesque at the same time. This is unbelievable, you think to yourself. “We haven’t met up in a while, so…”

“Oh yeah, it’s always nice to go out with old friends,” you say, smiling at the thought of it. Kun nods his agreement, and then has an abrupt, wild idea to ask if you’d like to go out somewhere sometime. Too busy warring with himself over whether he should take the dive, he doesn’t notice you heading towards the stairs already. “I hope you two have a good time!”

“Oh—thanks. Hope you enjoy your trip.” He chuckles, following you down the steps to get to his car. Well, that moment has passed. Sure, he could probably still ask you now if he was bold enough about it, but it feels too awkward to randomly ask someone out in the middle of a stairwell.

You wave bye to him once you both get in the parking lot. He watches you walk to your car with a wistful smile on his face. He wants to say more to you, but the timing isn’t right and it’s best not to hold you up right now. Plus, Hendery’s probably already waiting for him.

It would’ve provided you with a lot of relief if you knew Kun was facing a similar dilemma to you. He’d never had much problem talking to women he liked in the past, but something about you made him feel clumsy and hesitant. But just like with your inability to move forward, there’s no way for you to know his feelings without him saying anything about it—which he has been hesitating over for the longest.

Maybe he was also still cowering from the embarrassment of the time he’d tried to show you a magic trick that didn’t quite work out, but it was a convenient excuse. At least for him, anyway.

One day he’d get the courage to tell you how he felt, but he didn’t think today was that day.

–

Some strong shots and a few hours at the club was exactly what you needed to unravel your nerves after a long week. You and a few others from your work had decided to go out that Saturday night as a group effort to unwind from dealing with your overbearing boss. “Just a couple shots” eventually turned into more than that, though, but you weren’t complaining. As long as it gave you the opportunity to discard all your issues for a while, you didn’t mind losing yourself a little.

However, your night of fun quickly dissolves into frustration when you realize you’ve lost your keys and have no way to get back into your apartment. You’re not even sure where they might’ve disappeared—in the club, or in the rideshare back to your apartment?

Charlotte is out of the city for the week visiting her long-distance girlfriend, so there’s no way you’re getting back in your apartment tonight. The main office won’t be open at this hour, either; it’s the weekend, and nobody will be there regardless until Monday. And you’re definitely not drunk enough or desperate enough to try to bust the door down.

Though it pains you to do so, you knock on Kun’s door, your head throbbing and dizzy. You feel bad about this. He won’t even be awake at this hour and might not answer, but you don’t know what other options you have. You aren’t familiar enough with your other neighbors to ask this of them. Especially not the old lady living on the other side of you who has a perpetually judgmental aura towards everyone in the apartment building. The only person she seems marginally approving of is none other than the man himself—Qian Kun.

It takes a good minute or two, but you hear the latch unlock, and Kun is suddenly standing in front of you, a look of concern on his sleepy face. He is adorable like this, in his pajamas and his hair mussed and his eyes foggy with sleep. He’s so cute it makes you want to cry—and so you do.

But your tears are mostly because you’re very tipsy and tired and currently locked out of your very comfortable apartment.

This awakens Kun immediately. “Y/N? What’s wrong?” He gently pulls you into his apartment, his tone quiet but panicked as you put your face in your hands and cry. You just shake your head for a few moments, crying too much to say anything to him. When you don’t reply, he doesn't try to press you for answers; he just puts his arms around you, a bit carefully as if you’re made of some easily breakable material, and lets you wet his T-shirt with your tears.

Finally, when you’ve collected yourself some, you abruptly feel foolish for crying over something like this. He probably thinks someone’s died, and you’ve gotten him all worked up for practically nothing. “I-I’m locked out,” you sigh heavily, and he has enough politeness not to outwardly react to your alcohol breath with your close proximity. “And my roommate is gone…forever.”

His eyebrows lift. “Forever?”

“The whole week, Kun...but it feels like...f-forever.”

“Ah...I see. Is that why you were crying?”

You put your head back in your hands. “Just kill me.”

“Don’t feel bad about it,” Kun says, and there is a tiny lift to his mouth like he wants to smile at your dramatics. “It’s fine. You can stay here tonight.”

“Kun, thank you.” You’re still loosely embracing each other, and you squeeze your arms more tightly around him. Maybe it’s just a reason to rest your head on his chest again and hear his heart beating strong against your cheek, but you wouldn’t admit that. Wait, why is his heart beating so fast? “Thank youuu, I love you so much, this means the world to me.”

Kun’s mind catches on the words I love you so much, and he knows you’re just drunk and need to sleep it off and aren’t really thinking about what you’re saying, but he cannot help lingering there for a moment. He’s glad the front room is still dim from the single lamp he turned on, otherwise you might notice the flush growing on his cheeks. “I...it’s no problem. We should get you comfortable, then.”

As it turns out, get you comfortable means he lets you sleep in his bed while he takes the couch. In another context you’d protest, not wanting to kick him out of his own space, but you are simply too smashed to think about it. You’re seconds away from falling asleep where you stand now that the adrenaline of discovering you’re locked out has worn off. Kun has the idea to make you drink some ice cold water, though, which wakes you up enough to take a proper shower.

By the time you get out of the shower and are wearing his clothes—his clothes—you are feeling a little more sober. You also feel like you’re going to have another small meltdown over all this. “This” being: wearing Kun’s clothes and standing in his bedroom, which is decorated with all his interests and treasured belongings. There’s a small studio setup in one corner, which interests you, but you don’t investigate it any further.

Now you have another little problem, though; what are you gonna do about the pillows? You don’t have anything to cover your hair with, with all your scarves and bonnets in your own apartment. One night of sleeping on a cotton pillow wouldn’t kill you, but that doesn’t make it any less distasteful to think about.

Kun comes into the bedroom to check on you and sees you puzzling around, sitting on the bed and looking awkward. “What’s the matter?”

“Oh. It’s nothing really,” you rush out, unsure if you should tell him about a problem he likely won’t even understand. It must be at least 4:00 a.m. by now, meaning you both desperately need to get some sleep.

“You can tell me, I won’t bite.”

I wouldn’t mind if you did pops into your head, but you immediately try to ignore that thought and are silently grateful that you do not blush visibly.

“Uh, my hair.”

“Your hair?”

“Okay, I need to cover it at night so it won’t get all broken off or anything—sleeping on cotton does wonders for destroying moisture—but I don’t have anything here to use. I mean—it’s...not a huge deal though, I can deal with it for a night?” You’re rambling now. Kun just nods, taking in all this information like he’s listening to something very important and very interesting.

“So then, what would you do to stop that?”

“Wear a scarf, or a bonnet, or using a silk pillowcase works, too. But you probably don’t have any of that stuff, you don’t have to bother with it—”

“Well, let me see.” Kun disappears into his closet and you pause, wondering for a moment if he actually does have a bonnet or something in there. Which would probably be a little hilarious to you.

He comes back out with not a bonnet of a scarf or even a pillowcase, but one of his own shirts. It’s just the right material though, being a pretty purple silk.

“Oh—Kun.” At this point, there are several emotions all trying to come to the forefront, though you have no clue which one to settle on. “Your shirt? You really don’t have to. I could…”

“It’s just a shirt, Y/N. There are a lot more where that comes from...I don’t mind.” He chuckles.

You sigh bashfully but take the shirt from him. “Thank you, it’s really thoughtful of you.” You cover the pillow with his shirt, and it works perfectly.

“Anyway, if you need anything else, just tell me,” he says, lingering by the door.

“I will...thank you,” you say, your voice quiet as you give him a nervous smile. Only when he shuts the door and his footsteps fade away do you allow yourself to bunch the comforter in your fists and scream into it. Everything in here smells just like him, which is probably more than enough to fuel all of your Qian Kun-related daydreams for the next 8 months.

It doesn’t take long for you to drift off when you finally do lie down, and your mind is blissfully empty of anything throughout the night.

The next day takes a bit of settling into. You’re momentarily alarmed when you wake up faced with a strange room until you remember last night’s events and recall where you are. There is also the smell of food, good food, which is also sadly unfamiliar to you. Charlotte can’t cook to save either of your lives, so you know you’d never be waking up to the smell of a professional chef-approved breakfast if you were still in your apartment with her.

Walking out of Kun’s room, you see that he’s in the kitchen, halfway finished with cooking breakfast for the both of you. It’s more like brunch at this hour, but what does that matter.

You linger at the doorway for a moment, allowing yourself to imagine that this is what things would be like if you were dating. Getting this view everyday? Life cannot be this unfair.

Maybe not too much, though, since you are standing in his kitchen.

“Oh, good morning,” he greets you, breaking your reverie. “Did you sleep well?”

“Good morning. I slept great. Thanks again for, you know, the shirt, haha…”

He grins, and his dimples come out. “Sure thing. Go ahead and sit! Breakfast will be ready soon.”

It’s the best breakfast you’ve eaten since living with Charlotte; maybe some of the best food you’ve ever had. “I had no idea you could cook this well,” you say. “I mean. I guess I wouldn’t since I haven’t—you know, uh—eaten here before, but—it’s great.” It’s just your luck that your thoughts come out in this fumbling mini-rant, but Kun only laughs good-naturedly.

“Thank you, I’m truly glad you like it.”

You both continue eating breakfast while making light conversation. This just might be the longest conversation you’ve had with each other, and that knowledge seems surreal. You’re almost a little glad you lost your key. Almost.

“So...today is Sunday. And the leasing office still won’t be open until Monday.” Kun says this over the remnants of breakfast. He speaks in a measured tone, like he’s trying to ensure he says the right thing. Whatever that could possibly be. “And you told me your roommate won’t be back until Monday.”

To your credit, you hadn’t exactly accounted for this when you first came over to his place in your distressed state. That means another night spent in his apartment though, which becomes very obvious to you now. “Ah. Sorry, am I imposing?”

“What—no, I-I just wanted to make sure you knew you can stay here tonight, or—however long you need.”

Relief floods through you, and you briefly wonder why you even worried about it; as far as you know, he’s not the kind of person to just kick someone out. “Ohh, of course—that’s good to know. Thank you for all this!”

“You’re welcome.” You miss the smile he gives to your response as you’re busy drinking your juice, but it’s one filled with a certain affection.

It feels a bit awkward to just sit around in his apartment all day, with nothing to do and all your belongings still locked out of your reach in your own place, so Kun shows you the studio in the corner of his room. He’d talked about being into music before, but you’d never heard anything of his until now.

When he plays the keyboard for you, it’s to the tune of a beautiful self-composed song. You almost pinch yourself to remind yourself this isn’t a hallucination or a fever dream. A man this appealing really exists, and you’ve stayed the night in his apartment and eaten his breakfast. You give a small round of applause when he finishes.

“Wouldn’t it be cool if you became a famous singer or something? I’d come to all your concerts,” you say lightly, kicking your legs on the edge of his bed.

“All? Really, all?” He laughs.

“Yes, all. A voice and talent like that deserves all the attention.” You lean back on his bed, stretching your legs out. “But all your venues would probably be sold out. Hopefully you’d remember me from your lil’ ole apartment building. I’m sure you’d be living in a penthouse by then.”

Kun smiles bashfully at your compliments, waving his hands as if it’s too much. “Thank you. But I don’t think I could ever forget you.” His voice grows a bit softer. His expression is more genuine than you expect for a conversation that was so playful only seconds ago, and you find it hard to hold eye contact all of a sudden.

It is your turn to be bashful, and you shrug in an effort to seem natural. “Well, I’m flattered.” Despite your unaffected demeanor, you don’t think those words will leave your mind for a good while, even if you wonder about the meaning of them.

Later that evening, Kun makes dinner and you watch TV together, flipping to whatever channels have dramas or movies playing.

You two eventually fall into another conversation when you can’t find anything good to watch—one that does not make you overly nervous for once. During a lull in the talking, that big question pops up into your mind, and you wince internally at how Charlotte would’ve already told you to make a move. You aren't sure how to do that without making him uncomfortable or seeming too sudden, but you decide to make an attempt.

You edge into it with, “So, um, your place looks pretty nice for one guy. It’s just you here, right?”

“Ah yeah, just me. Thanks, I do try my best.”

“Haha, I’m used to my guy friends all having super messy apartments until they get a girlfriend and she teaches them how to clean a stove for the first time…”

“Oh really? That’s a bit sad for them, isn’t it?” He chuckles. “I’m not dating anyone right now, so it’s all me.”

Just the information you were looking for. You try not to show your elation. “Why not?” you blurt out. Then you cringe because this might sound too invasive or even judgmental, but Kun only grins. “It’s just, it’s a little surprising. You’re such a generous person. You seem to care about everyone, even those poor stray kitties that stay outside the apartments all the time.”

He smiles timidly in response to receiving more of your compliments. “I guess it seems curious when you put it like that.” Just like when you’d drunkenly said I love you so much, there’s suddenly heat on the back of his neck that he hopes won’t turn into another blush that’ll expose him. “I don’t really know, I haven’t thought much about it; life’s weird like that.” He isn’t really sure how to answer that question in a way that won’t be too big of a hint that he’s interested in you, though he’s also not entirely sure why he’s still trying to hide it. Wouldn’t now be the perfect opportunity? When will you two have this much time together again? Still, you staying in his apartment for two days doesn’t mean you like him, and maybe he’s jumping the gun.

“That’s true. Guess that’s the same reason why I’ve been alone for a while now.” You shake your head.

“You?” Kun is equally surprised to know this about you.

You laugh incredulously. “Does that shock you or something?”

“I...well.” He rubs the back of his neck as he searches for the words. “I just thought...you’re very pretty, and you’re always really kind when we speak, so...”

“Oh?” Your face heats up at that.

“Yeah, I…think anyone would be lucky to be with you.”

“Oh.” Your body’s first instinct is to freeze with nervousness, but you know Charlotte would be kicking your ass in gear right now if she were somehow here. So, you decide to stop stressing about it and just do it. “Well...wouldn’t it be nice if we both had a way to fix our problems at the same time?”

Kun pauses for a moment before replying. “What do you suggest?” He knows what you are proposing—you can see in his eyes and his slight grin and his posture that he knows—but maybe he wants to hear you say it out loud.

“Hm, well…I don’t know, what do you think?” You lean a bit closer to him, raising your eyebrows and trying your best to look innocent and unassuming. His smile turns into something different with your increased proximity. Something a little more sly.

Mirroring your actions, he inches nearer to you until there’s little space left between. “Well, I think…” Kun tentatively closes the remaining gap between the two of you, the rest of his sentence left to linger as his soft lips envelop yours.

Maybe it’s corny to say it, but it definitely feels like one of those fairytale kisses with the fireworks going off and streamers popping; even though you’re sitting on his couch wearing his pajamas, some movie in the background you’ve long forgotten the plot of, empty dinner plates sitting on the coffee table in front of you.

You aren’t sure how you end up in his lap—who made the first move? Was it his hand on your back or your hands on his shoulders? You straddle him on the couch, your arms slipping around his shoulders and his hands on your back but assuredly traveling farther down your body.

Kun’s hands come to rest on your thighs, pulling the fabric of his shorts up a few inches higher. “I never thought I’d see you wearing my clothes,” he says lowly, grinning against your mouth.

“I also never thought I’d be sitting in your lap like this, but maybe sometimes dreams do come true,” you say jokingly, your lips rubbing against his skin as you slowly kiss his jaw.

You can’t see his expression, but his eyebrows shoot up at that. “Dreams, huh? You think about me often?” His voice pitches lower when he asks this, aroused by the thought of you imagining anything quite so lewd about him. You’ve definitely incriminated yourself now and won’t be able to wiggle out of it without an answer.

“...Maybe.”

“What do you think about me?” Kun grips your hips, which quickly turns into him grabbing your ass—tentatively at first to test the waters, and then firmly enough to grind you against his hardening cock. Sensing him solid and warm underneath you sends a shockwave down your spine, and the sensation heightens when his voice caresses your ear, all low and tense with arousal. “It’s just the two of us here. No one else has to know.”

“I think about your...lips. How you might kiss me. Or what you might say to me. And...your hands.” You pause there, a quiet breath whispering past your lips. “You have really big hands, you know.”

“My hands…” Kun places one on your chest, spreading his fingers across and touching your collarbone. The heel of his palm glides on the top of your breast, and just that touch is enough to get you more worked up. “Hmm. Actually, I’ll admit I’m pretty good with my hands.” He smirks, and he’s possibly the finest thing you’ve ever seen. “What else, Y/N?”

“I thought about how you’d touch me.” His hand slides between your breasts now, down your sternum, and to your stomach. “Maybe I’d invite you into my apartment when Charlotte wasn’t there. We’d watch some stupid movie and pretend to be into it, but we’re really just thinking about each other. You’d eventually end up slipping your hand up my skirt...and making me cum all over your fingers.”

You aren’t sure how you’re saying all this to Kun right now, the dude you have a major crush on, without bursting into flames.

His shaft rubbing against your clit even through your layers of clothes makes you sigh dreamily, pressing your forehead to his and gripping at his shoulders and biceps. His bangs are soft against your forehead, and your breath stutters when he moves to kiss the side of your neck. He has to know how hard your heart is beating right now.

“And then what?” His voice is barely a whisper, then.

“And then you’d fuck me, of course.” There’s a slight laugh in your voice at the ticklish feeling of his lips kissing your skin.

“And then I’d fuck you...hm,” he echoes. “Sure, I can do that.”

The promise of it entices you, and more heat pools between your legs, amplified by the fabric rubbing against your sensitive parts. His hand that’s still on your stomach travels under your shirt then, and your hips falter in your rhythm against him when his fingers brush across your nipple. He brings his lips to your other breast, lapping his tongue against your nipple over the fabric.

You soon come like this, his shaft grinding against your clit and his clothes rubbing against your skin, his hands on your ass and his lips traveling across your breasts. The orgasm is sudden and surprises you, but it’s good, and you convulse as the waves of pleasure course through you. You weaken and slump against him, with him still teasing your breasts with his mouth and hands. Pushing your face into his hair, you moan into the black strands until the quivering stops.

You’re breathless when you speak again. “You haven’t come yet.”

“I’d rather do that when I’m inside you,” he replies. You giggle quietly.

“...What are you waiting for, then?”

“Hold on.” Kun carefully maneuvers you off his lap, and you already want to complain at the lack of his touch. “I have to get a condom.”

“Hurry, or you’ll miss all the fun,” you say as you pull your shirt off with your back to him. You look back over your shoulder at him and grin mischievously.

“You’re such a tease…”

Kun goes into his room to fetch a condom, and when he returns he’s already pulling his shirt off, leaving it on the floor somewhere. You’re fully naked now, your legs pulled up to your chest and your chin resting on your knees as you sit on the couch. Kun’s eyes drop between your legs, your inner thighs still glistening from your previous orgasm, and he swipes his tongue across his lips at the sight of you, wet and ready for him.

Likewise, your eyes drop to the dark trail of hair leading into his pants and his bulge just below it, the way his sweatpants cling to his length, and your pussy throbs with the desire to be filled.

“Please, hurry.”

Kun doesn’t waste any time in getting the rest of his clothes off, shoving his pants and underwear done in one swift move and rolling the condom over his shaft. He climbs onto the couch, grabbing your legs and guiding them around his waist, and you giggle at his eager but gentle touch as you recline on the couch pillows behind you.

He grabs his dick and lines it up with you, then pushes it in slowly at first. The stretch makes your toes curl, but it is a good kind of stretch, the kind that fills you to the brim. Like the missing element you needed.

“Are you okay?” he asks, his voice husky from the pleasure.

“Fuck, please,” is your answer as you shift your hips and try to get him all the way inside quicker. Noticing your urgency, he slides the rest of the way in until your hips are flush against each other and starts thrusting into you. His length dragging across your walls feels much better than you could’ve imagined on any given night, and you clasp your legs tighter around him to get ever closer.

After a point, he pushes your legs up with his hands behind your knees so he can get a deeper angle, and you both moan at the difference in sensation and how much tighter you get around him.

There is no ignoring the messy wet noises of your bodies colliding due to the slickness of your previous orgasm and the new wetness he’s continually fucking out of you. Each thrust reaches deep inside you, deep enough to make you nearly sob, your hands fumbling over your breasts and your clit all the while.

“Kun, god yes please,” you whimper, rocking your hips into the rhythm of his own. You fucking him back makes him groan deeply, his bangs hanging off his forehead as he dips his head to watch himself slide in and out of you. You could not control the urge or the motion of your body even if you wanted to; you want all of him, as close as he can get.

“I don’t want this to end,” he moans, and he pulls out without a warning. You gasp at the sudden emptiness, and your discontent comes out in a full whine. You’d be more embarrassed about it if you weren’t currently consumed with desire, but you presently do not care.

Kun sits back on the couch and pulls you on top of him again. “Ride me,” he says. So you grasp the base of his cock, him grunting as you do, and you press the tip against your entrance before pushing it in. He watches himself slip inside of you while fully enraptured, one hand tight on your hip.

Once you are full with him again, you experimentally grind against him to see how it’ll feel in this new position, and your arms tremble as his pelvis stimulates your clit.

“Go ahead,” he whispers, grasping the nape of your neck and kissing you hard once more, “fuck yourself on me.”

So you keep grinding your clit on him like that, your limbs shaking from the stimulation and your walls fluttering around his cock. You can barely catch a complete breath from him kissing you hard enough to make your lips swell, and your head is so fogged with lust that all you can concentrate on is getting yourself off just like he told you to do.

“Kun…” You roll your head onto his shoulder, pressing your forehead into his skin, your body tiring as you get closer to reaching that high. You’re so close to coming, but you’re not sure if you have enough strength left to get there on your own. Kun notices the state you’re in and grasps your hips to pull them into his, effortlessly sliding himself into you while making sure your clit gets stimulated at the same time.

The new friction of his dick rubbing against your g-spot in this position is enough to have you finally coming and crying out against his neck.

You continue babbling nonsense against his neck as he keeps fucking you, searching for his own end. His hands are hot on your body as he moves you up and down his length.

His climax comes soon after yours, his dick pulsing and his pace slowing. Your back arches at the sensation of him throbbing inside you and releasing his cum into the condom. The way he groans in your ear has your stomach clenching.

For a few minutes after, you both sit quietly and do nothing but cling to one another as you come down from the pleasure.

“So, does this mean we’re together now…?” Kun asks hopefully, running his hands over your back as you lie against him.

You smile against his skin. “Obviously. But if you still want to convince me, we can go a couple more rounds…”

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lilxberry · 3 years

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I Watched You Die} 3 - Natasha Romanoff

Synopsis;

Someone from Natashas’ past makes the most of unsuspected arrivals and begins to cause issues, not only for her, just everyone they come into contact with. HYDRA uses them as a simple puppet and Natasha believes that maybe, just maybe, she could get them back to her in the way she remembers.

Warnings: Violence peeps, not a lot but still man. I’m not even sure if I added some bad language but you’ll find out I guess lmao. Mentions of broken limbs (poor random OC I came up with out of the blue). I can’t even remember what I’ve put in this fully so I’m sorry if something is triggering and I haven’t placed a warning for it.

Words: 3111

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x Reader (female reader) (super soldier reader) (HYDRA reader)

(A/N: Everything in bold italics are in Russian and everything in bold italics encased in brackets is the translation.)

(A/N 2: You prolly get the jist of that now though lmao.)

< Chapter 2 Chapter 4 >

“С Днем Рождения, Natalia!” A young you had happily whispered as she groggily woke up at, what seemed to be, exceedingly early in the morning. (Happy Birthday, Natalia!)

"Который час?" Natalia inquired; the birthday girl spoke. (What time is it?)

You rolled your eyes and sat at the edge of her bed, smiling down at her. “Уже праздничным часов.” (It’s birthday o’clock)

Natalia softly giggled at your silliness. You may have been two years older, but you certainly knew how to still act so young and carefree, even at this horrid place. “Зачем ты разбудил меня?” She questioned further, now sitting up slightly and rubbing at her tired eyes. (Why did you wake me?)

“Потому что у меня есть кое-что для тебя, маленький лисенок,” came your reply, a small but unmistakable, mischievous smirk upturned the corner of your mouth. (Because I got you something, little fox)

Her eyes gained a slight twinkle in them, clearly a little excited about you getting her a present, about anyone getting her a present. You noticed the smile and the slight bounce of excitement her body did, and you chuckled. “закрой глаза.” (Close your eyes)

Natalia hastily obeyed, even placing her hands out flat, palms facing upwards, waiting to receive her gift. You shook your head fondly at her eagerness, her red hair still slightly bouncing from her movements of anticipation. You laid the wrapped, albeit messy and done with old newspaper, into the palm of her hand and sat straight once more. “открыть их.” (Open them)

Not even a millisecond later had her eyes flew open to gaze down at the gift that now sat in her hand. “Давай, открой коробку.” (Go on, open it)

She tore the newspaper away and softly gasped as her eyes widened at the small, wooden carved figure that laid in the palm of her hand. A small, simple, basic fox carved from a piece of mahogany wood was simply the most precious gift she had ever received.

She looked up towards you, a teary smile upon her face. You smiled down towards her smaller figure before leaning closer. “Это место может создать маленьких пауков, но ты моя маленькая лиса.” ( This place may create little spiders, but you are my little fox )

Natalia threw her arms around your neck and buried her face into its crook. You were quick to wrap your arms around her smaller frame as she sniffled and you smiled, happy that she had found the hand-crafted gift so meaningful.

“Иди сюда, лисёнок. Тебе нужно поспать.” You guided her to lie down after a few more moments of a sweet embrace. She unwillingly unwound her arms from around your neck, but still held tightly the wooden fox in her hand. (Come now, little fox. You must sleep)

As you went to pull away and head back towards your own bed, her hand gently grasped your small wrist. The action made you halt and turn to face her once more. “Спи со мной. Пожалуйста.” (Sleep with me. Please.)

With a kind smile and a curt nod, she scooted over as you settled underneath the sheets beside her. She gently took ahold of your hand, almost timidly. You gave her tiny, frail hand a comforting and reassuring squeeze before closing your eyes, hands still connected.

Before unconsciousness consumed the both of you, you quietly uttered a final sentence. “С днем рождения, лисёнок.” With that, you both fell into slumber with faint traces of smiles across both of your faces. (Happy birthday, little fox)

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Natasha stared at the wooden carved figurine atop her dresser and sighed. Now that you were back within her life and seemingly with a vengeance, she felt her birthday couldn’t been as smooth sailing as previous years. Only one week ago had she completed yet another full year within her ongoing life but, all she could think of during the celebration was of you, the past that connected you both and how you seemingly risen from the dead.

It had now been 7 weeks since you had presented S.H.E.I.L.D. and Earths mightiest heroes your offer, one they had deliberated on during a lengthy meeting that had been hastily called soon after Natasha’ conversation with yourself.

Ultimately, they decided against it, saying that it was not worth the risk and threw you back into your little cage without any thought of allowing you back out.

They couldn’t keep you locked up here forever, they knew that. The best option anyone could come up with as of lately, was sending you to one of the 4 specialised maximum-security prisons ran by S.H.E.I.L.D. They weighed their options. The Cube, The Big House, The Vault and The raft.

Obviously, there were two more options, the first seemed simple enough; to keep you within their hold, within their sight. The second on the other hand, was a lot more unethical and definitely something that many would disagree with, finding it inhumane, something that would easily deem them worse than HYDRA itself.

That option would be, to find some way to kill you.

Some small part of Natasha feels that would, in the long run, be what’s best. But, although she may be an assassin in a previous pivotal point in her life, she knew she couldn’t possibly kill someone now, not at least without a strongly warranted reason and many emotions involved.

Plus, she thinks she could never kill someone who was once so important within her life, her first love. Even now, you’ve resurfaced and have become the main occupant of her thoughts and feelings. It was usually only the anniversary of your supposed death that she allowed you to enter her mind, now it was a reoccurring thing throughout each and every day.

She huffed, feeling utterly complexed about you and the situation you and herself are involved with.

A sharp knock at her door had brought her back to the present and out of her own head that’s swarmed with so much of you, the haze you now once again cast over her. Natasha finally looks away from the carved figure and younger you had gifted her and turned to look towards the door.

“Come in,” she called out, evening out her voice to regain its natural tone. Upon the red-heads go ahead to enter, Wanda poked her head through the gap she created between the door and its frame.

Wanda smiled sheepishly and she locked eyes with her. “We’re heading out in 5 minutes and the others wanted to know what was taking you so long.”

Natasha shook her head and blinked hard. She had completely forgot the upcoming mission she was originally preparing for when her mind had wandered to you, yet again. “Uh-yeah, I’ll just be a second.”

With her verbal confirmation that she would be joining them soon, Wanda gave a curt nod and a friendly smile before retreating and closing the door behind her. Natasha let out a soft sigh before allowing her gaze to flitter over towards the figure once more.

Its usual placement atop the dresser no longer felt fitting for such an item with such fond memories during terrible times. She almost felt disgusted at the mere sight of it. Breathing deeply through her nose, she arose from her seat before the dresser harshly and snatched the wooden carving from where it sat. Hastily opening a drawer, she tossed it inside.

She looked longingly downward at it, peering at it with a heavy heart and saddened eyes. She shook her head once more, her facial expression now changing to that of hopelessness; quickly altering to something devoid of emotion, now like yourself. There was no hope for you, no hope for you both, she felt there was nothing left of the one she had fallen in love with those many years ago.

The old you was gone, the old you was dead. There’s no way of bringing you back. Simply nothing remained that she could salvage, that she could save. Nothing that she could explicitly love. For the first time in her life, Natalia Alianovna "Natasha Romanoff" Romanova, had truly felt no hope was left.

With those final thoughts and the dissipating beacon that was once shining brightly upon her situation now flickered out like a broken lightbulb, she buried the carved fox underneath the few clothes that resided on the drawer and promptly slid it shut, hiding the one thing she treasured the most from the light of day.

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It wasn’t hard to find out about the little mission the Avengers had just recently departed for, your enhanced hearing easily picking up on the chatter within the earpieces the agents sent to ‘guard’ you wore.

This was the first mission the merry little band of heroes will be partaking in since your first meeting. Allowing them back out into the field after the fiasco you’ve caused shows they’ve somewhat have let their guard down.

It’s also evidence of your tremendous play at the waiting game. You had bid your time, waited patiently for the perfect opportune moment to set things into motion. Of course, the Avengers could only sit out on missions for so long, due to their paranoia surrounding you and the situation you’ve thrusted upon them.

Even thinking of such things almost brought a smile out of your stoic guise, almost.

All you had to do now was simply continue to be patient, just for a short while longer. Although the Avengers were no longer present at the compound, it hasn’t been long enough for there to be enough distance between yourself and the team before you make your first move.

You’ve always been calculated, in everything you’ve done, so why should now differ from any previous predicaments you have found yourself in? The wait almost makes you antsy, nearly shifting in your spot, squirming to leave, itching to get out. But your resolve stays standing strong.

It has now been ‘56, 57, 58, 59-‘, 14 minutes since the team had clambered into the jet and set off for their destination. ‘Just one more minute…’ you think to yourself. ‘Just one more’. Simply leaving it only 15 minutes since taking their leave is a risky move; you would be cutting it remarkably close, walking on very thin ice. So close to crossing that fine line between just enough time and just wasn’t enough. You knew the team would double back twice as quickly once you made a single move to exit what has been your temporary housing.

’56, 57, 58, 59…’

“время шоу.” You grinned wolfishly as you whispered out to yourself. Simply leaning backwards from your hunched over position on the floor with your legs still crossed made those surround your cell tense. You chuckled inwardly before rolling your shoulders and clicking your back, somewhat stiff from the lack of movement on your behalf. (Show time)

You slowly raise from the ground, standing at the centre of the offending glass confinement, eyes shut momentarily. Rolling your neck with a soft groan, your eyes flutter back open as your posture straightens.

Quite frankly, you’re thankful for the simply idiotic idea of removing your restraints from the one and only Nick Fury. There’s nothing better than unrestricted movement.

Your eyes dart around the space outside of your cell, speedily surveying your surroundings; the guards, the cameras.

Your eyes land on the guard just to the right of you, who’s shaking quite visibly. You almost coo at the, clearly, young, and inexperienced agent which became a trembling mess at your miniscule actions. “Hey. Boy. Come here,” you beckon him over.

His eyes widen and you spot a trickle of sweat descend down his right temple. He looks towards his comrades in fear, silently, fearfully, asking what he should do. After a moment of hesitation, the young lad takes slow and cautious steps towards the clear wall of your cell, his knees slightly wobbly. He reminds you of that little deer from that one movie, the one where the mother bites the bullet of the hunter.

You mentally chuckle at the comparison to the movie that played during one of your self patch ups in a crusty motel after an assignment, even if the injuries only lasted for roughly 4 hours after infliction.

“What’s your name, парень?” He gulps, what’s visible of his Adams apple bobbing. He swallows thickly once more before answering. (Kid)

“Uh- i-it’s L-Lewis. Lewis O-O’Connor.”

You smile sweetly at him, giving him a smidge of a false sense of security. “Well, Lewis, would you be a dear and get me some воду, water? My throat is quite dry.” You make an act of coughing slightly to emphasise your ‘dry and sore’ throat.

“Okay.” Its so softly spoken that the poor kid panics and rushes to nod his head as second confirmation. Lewis leaves the room only to come back moments later with a plastic cup filled heartly with some refreshing water.

You smile as he makes his way over to you once more as you advance closer towards the small box with two doors on opposing sides for food and such to be deposited to you. With shaky hands, agent O’Connor unlocks his side and places his hand in the box lightly grasping the cup.

The kid simply blinked when, next thing anyone knew, you lunged at the box, griped his arm and pulled him harshly against the barrier that separates you both, your hold bruising. The swore they’ve never seen someone smirk with such malice before, even when Loki himself was once in their hands.

All guns now pointed towards you as you kept your hold on the now whimpering boy. “Ah ah ahh~” you spoke in a singsong tune, tutting towards those with their aim set on you. “Are you really willing to allow such a sweet, young олень be killed by your foolishness?” (Deer)

The smirk upon your face grew as all movement halted. You released one hand from Lewis’ arm and began to snake it through the gap and down towards where the keys to your cell dangled from his pants.

Quickly hooking the keys on to your ring finger, you retreated your arm through the gap and back towards you, placing the ring of the keychain in your mouth, in-between your teeth. Your hand now back to hold on to Lewis, you smiled at the young boy who was undoubtedly shitting himself.

Sighing, you let the smile fall from your face as your face scrunches up in false concern and remorse. “I am sorry, Lewis. You must understand, I have been left with little to no choice.” With that, you brought your left arm up to strike the underneath of his elbow, instantaneously snapping his arm in half.

You release your hold as he screams in pain, cries out in agony, now cradling his arm curled up against the cell wall. ‘I think he may want a career change.’

In slow strides, you walk towards the door to your right, watching those who’ll become easy prey once the door standing between you and the guards is unlocked. They seem to contemplate pulling their triggers and unloading their magazines into your torso, maybe out of fear, possibly out of order, most definitely for the selfish reason of wanting to live.

Little by little, you slot the key into its lock and gradually turn until that satisfying click sounds throughout the whole room. You sigh almost happily as you push the door open, seeing it move on its hinges to grant to an exit.

“Well, it has certainly been fun,” the smallest tinge of your Russian accent coming through in your speech. You downcast your gaze down to the shaking form of the snivelling and sniffling agent on the floor. “Once again, so sorry O’Connor. If only it had not had to come down to this.” You shake your head and turn your attention to your front once more, all while Lewis glares daggers your way with his puffy, red eyes.

Taking one step forward set off the first of many bullets to be fired at the compound, although, each and every shot was futile in stopping you. You were now out and running, leaving the compound which alarms blared and emergency lights flash behind and those inside to recuperate, at least the ones you still left alive.

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The team had turned back and gone in the direction of the compound the second they had heard that you were escaping but, alas, they were mere moments too late. Already too many injured or dead and you nowhere in sight, like a ghost, vanishing into nothing.

They had all watched what had went down through what any security footage could provide them. Quite honestly, they had never seen something so horrific unfold before them, they had now even begun to question whether it was only the super solider serum that had been injected into you.

What you did, what you were, made them no longer consider you human.

Natasha had always known that you could be ruthless, dangerous, but this had almost shocked her into a comatose state. She was paralysed from what she had witnessed. Natasha retreated to her room, seeking solitude after such events, needing to be in her own head, as bad as it is. She needed to think.

She desperately wanted to find a way to bring you back, bring you back to her, to stop this insanity. She couldn’t bare to see you as it was, but it was an even worse image of seeing act in such ways. She knows that there is the possibility that she is far too late, that you are far too gone. But she refuses to believe what she had thought just earlier that day.

It had been hours since she first arrived back to her room, so deep in thought, mind swirling and head pounding, she had lost any sense of time. The hum of her phone vibrating at her bedside table forced her head to snap towards the device. She bit her lip and she contemplated, deciding whether to answer or not. The face up, lit screen showed it was an unknown number, possibly withheld.

Should she answer.

As the ringing neared its end, she made a quick grab for her phone, pressing the answer button and breathing deeply before bringing the smartphone up next to her ear and speaking in a unwavering, determined tone.

“Hello.” Natasha was met with a pregnant silence before a voice, an extremely familiar voice, gave her a reply, one she couldn’t help but sharply inhale at.

“Hello, Natalia.”

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Oh boy, wtaf is this lmao

I dunno, just trust the process my doods

I swear I’m also working on requests, I just thought I would finish this off and post this first since I was already like half way through it

If you wanna be tagged in future parts, lemme know

Anyways, I hope you enjoy

As always, constructive criticism and requests are welcomed and greatly appreciated :D

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Marvel taglist:

@thanossexual

‘I Watched You Die’ taglist

@diaryoflife @username23345 @drpepperobsessed @fayhar @d14n4ol

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x-infernhoes-x · 3 years

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Honeysuckle- Yamato “Matt” Ishida x Reader

[gif by ydotome]

Title: Honeysuckle

Genre: Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Rom-com elements, Mutual Pinning

Warning(s): Cussing, slight adult themes, mentions of past trauma and parental issues/divorces, SPOILERS FOR DIGIMON TRI AND DIGIMON: LAST EVOLUTION KIZUNA, implied smut in the last part oOP, everyone is of age (ASIDE FROM IORI AKA CODY BC HE’S 17) bc this takes place in Last Evolution Kizuna, two idiots realizing their feelings for each other in the long run

Pairings: Mimi Tachikawa/Koushiro ‘Izzy’ Izumi, Sora Takenouchi/Taichi ‘Tai’ Yagami, Ken Ichijouji /Miyako ‘Yolei’ Inoue, Yamato ‘Matt’ Ishida/Reader, Hikari Yagami/Takeru ‘TK’ Takaishi, mentions of Mimi Tachikawa/OC, Meiko Mochizuki/OC and mentions of Yamato ‘Matt’ Ishida/Sora Takenouchi

Description: This is my first time writing for one of my childhood fandoms, Digimon. I used to write this silly fanfic of Digimon Frontier back when Quizilla was a thing when I was about 10 or 11 called Cherry Blossom Moonlight (*GAGS*) but yeah it’s my first time writing for our OG resident lone wolf, Yamato ‘Matt’ Ishida and all that jazz after watching Last Evolution Kizuna. So yeah! This is based and inspired by me ranting my feelings about Matt to @aeonghaseyo on FB and my best friend, Lucy along with this particular Lux Botanicals body wash we have LMAO. This would be a four-part ficlet that’s going to be like a drabble and all but yeah, I hope you guys enjoy it! P.S. (Y/N) is your name, (D/P) is your digimon partner!

I- Can’t Sleep Love

Out of the Digi-destined, you were never the type to call up people in the dead of night, especially if all of your other friends were busy with their own lives so why the hell did you think calling up at least 5 or more of them to your house at midnight? Usually, you would’ve called at least one or two of them if they were free or shoot them a text out of the group chat’s reach, write about it on your journal or let alone talk to your Digimon partner about it but you were pretty sure that they were starting to get tired of it despite their instances that it was fine. But after writing down what you feel in your journal just as you had considered doing so, you caved in and you were lucky that all of them were free.

So now here you were, sitting inside your house’s dining room in nothing but a shirt that says ‘Know Your Worth’ and a pair of navy blue yoga pants and a pink cat headband on your head to keep your hair from sticking to the charcoal peel-off mask you had on your face. It was embarrassing really, calling up at least 6 of your closest friends at this time of night just to talk about the group’s resident lone wolf, Yamato ‘Matt’ Ishida, and your feelings towards the said male. In all honesty, you and Matt had been friends since your trip to the digital world, although the two of you shared some similarities, you were still different like day and night, you could’ve said both of you were like fire and ice but that’s more on with him and Taichi. Out of all of the chosen kids within your circle, the only ones who knew of your harbored feelings towards the elder of the Ishida-Takaishi siblings happened to be Mimi, Miyako, Taichi, Meiko, Izzy, Willis, and by extension, Ken because of his girlfriend, Miyako and finally, TK (Honestly, the kid was the first to know among you all and he would often tease you about your not so little crush on his older brother and it was even more of a pain in the ass about it when he got older? At least you got back at him when you found out that he has a crush on Kari. The kid thought he could escape, huh?)

Taking a deep breath, you then faced your friends, all of them eager and curious about what you have to say as you finally spoke, “I know that this is unexpected for me to call you guys over on such short notice and I know that some of you are busy with your own lives and all.” The moment you had said that your eyes seemed to land on both Mimi and Izzy, the busiest ones out of the bunch before continuing, “But I just really need to talk to someone about well….” Unable to find the right words, your partner quipped in from beside you, munching on the pack of Fita Crackers both of you were sharing before the arrival of your friends, “About your feelings towards Matt.” To which you sent a glare towards your smug-looking Digimon partner, your friends sweatdropping at this before you continued to speak, “Just as (D/P) had said, yes, it’s about him.” Reaching over to the pack of chips Wallace had brought, you let your eyes wander over to where all of your Digimon partners were, munching down on their snacks and talking with each other, letting out a sigh.

“I know I have other things to worry about such as college and my future and all of those other things, I just had to get this out of my system. I’ve been crushing on Matt for years and you all know that and it’s just… I have a lot of feelings and I just can’t seem to word them right, especially when it comes to him! Every time I try to express how I feel about him, I feel something weird in my chest. It’s the 'I can't explain this shit right' type of weird and it just frustrates me to no end! Like I will admit that I’m happy that he ended up with Sora.” At the mere mention of Sora and Matt’s relationship, both Ken and Izzy wanted to say something but both of their girlfriends had given them the look of ‘no, let (Y/N) figure it out by themselves.’ Honestly, you thought that it was weird but you simply brushed it off by popping another chip in your mouth. “It’s just….this sense of longing you know like almost as if we missed out or something and it makes me wanna go like…”

“Like real-life keyboard smashing?” Miyako spoke, brow raised in slight amusement at your current situation as you nodded, popping another chip into your mouth, “I mean I want to be with him but not in a sense that I want to sleep with him and ruin two of my long-running friendships with both Sora and Matt in one go the moment I come clean about my feelings!”

“It sounds like you’re going through a crisis….” Willis spoke out, holding Lopmon in his arms while Terriermon situated themselves upon your arms, much to your surprise as Izzy spoke, “I don’t see this as a ‘crisis’ of the sort. Plus I don’t think you’d be ruining any friendships at all! What I’m trying to say here, (Y/N)-senpai is that I think you should try and talk to him first but be subtle about it and not go in guns blazing. Plus there’s a study that says that most romantic relationships start as friendships! Just look at Mimi and I or even Ken and Miyako.”

“Easier said than done, Izzy.” You groaned, hand nearly flying to your cheek before realizing that you had a peel-off mask on, making you wrinkle your nose in slight annoyance as you pouted. “You guys had it easy because you didn’t have to worry about hurting anyone else’s feelings.” “That’s where you’re wrong, dummy!” Mimi spoke, reaching over to playfully tap you on the head as she continued, “Before Izzy and I became a thing, I was worried about hurting Emiko and ruining my friendship with her but after the three of us talked it out, we’re still friends and she’s okay with me dating Izzy here! “ After that brief story Mimi had told you, you recalled her dating Emiko, who happened to be a part of your little group and possessed the Crest of Loyalty and was paired with Elecmon. She and Mimi dated for 5 years but due to their packed schedules (Mimi running her own business and Emiko being a famous musician who constantly travels with Elecmon and takes up modeling and acting gigs as a side-line) and everything in between, it was safe to say that the both of them had ended their relationship on a good note and if you recall correctly, she and Meiko were dating now. “But still! It’s kind of different, alright? Plus the last time I had spoken to him and had seen him face to face was the time both of us were like 17!” This seemed to shock everyone, especially Mimi and Izzy as all of them spoke all at once, their questions mixed in a flurry of questions regarding your connection with Matt. Well…It was mostly Mimi, Wallace, and Miyako who did the questioning rather than all 6 of them.

“Five whole years!?! But the two of you are close!” “How about face-timing each other??? Or even DM’ing each other?” “Not even a single call or text or even a letter?!” Hearing all of them come at you all at once with these questions made you feel a little bit uneasy and perhaps even on edge, the only time they did stop was when they saw you clenching and unclenching your fists before holding a finger up as you spoke, “First off, we only talk in quick lapses and small ‘how are yous’ because we’ve been respectively busy with other things such as keeping our respective home bases safe from unwanted Digimon attacks. Both (D/P) and I have been keeping the damage on the down-low whenever there’s an attack and Izzy knows about this.” The aforementioned redhead nodded at this as he spoke, “That’s true, you’d be surprised at how many Digimons appear in (Y/N)’s home-turf now and then!” “I’m just lucky that I got a free week this time around and that I have nothing else to do. I mean I’d be in college right now but since I didn’t get accepted into the college I wanted to go to, I’ve decided to take a year off and then try again next year but that’s not our main topic here right now! The main topic is about how Matt and I went on for five years without seeing each other or let alone having an actual full-blown conversation with each other.” You spoke with a wave of dismissal as the rest of your friends listened to your final statement. You had been talking for at least an hour or so, at first, it was a small catch up on how things are going on with them and yourself included other stuff like hobbies and all that and somehow it came down to talking about the main reason why you called them up in the first place.

Standing up to head over to the bathroom to peel off the dry mask off of your skin you continued to speak, your voice echoing from the open bathroom door and towards your friend’s ears, occasionally wincing all the while as you peeled off the mask, “Not to mention, he’s busy with college. The last time I heard from him was when he told me about how he wasn’t sure about what he wants to do with his life.” You could hear one of the chairs move backward, indicating that one of your friends had stood up while you were preoccupied with the remains of the black peel-off mask. When your eyes had met the mirror once more, Miyako was the one to stand right behind you, arms folded over her chest, brow raised, and lip quirked upwards in a questioning manner as she spoke, “And when did this conversation take place?” Turning around to face her, you then reached over to the towelette that hung on the rack that was near the door, patting your face dry with it as you thought, exactly how long was it since then? “Uh….a month ago at least??? Why?”

Placing a hand upon your shoulder, the younger lilac-haired female stared directly right into your eyes as she spoke, “(Y/N)-san, you’re like family to me but PLEASE just talk to him. It’s as simple as that but like Koushiro-senpai had just said, just don’t go in guns blazing.” “I-I’ll think about it, okay? For now….”

It had been an hour since your friends had left and now here you were, wide awake with an arm thrown across your forehead in a debilitating manner, nose scrunched up and lips pulled into a tight huff as you thought about what your friends had told you moments ago. They made a point, sure, but what they didn’t know was that you had been constantly texting Matt for the past few months, in hopes he would get the chance to read it, and sure, he did but he never responded and that was enough for you cease your texting because you were getting worried that you were probably distracting him from his studies and whatnot. So what do you do when you start to miss him? You scroll through your phone and re-read some of your old chats together, scroll through your gallery to look at some of the old photos and videos of the two of you together during your high school days. Most of these videos were taken by your Digimon partner, Gabumon, or anyone from the group and such. But out of all of the videos you’ve taken, the one you cherish the most was the one that you had taken during his 14th birthday. It was your first time seeing Odaiba without any Digimon attacking and you marveled at the scenery before you, both you and Matt venturing around the city and it was also the first time you had witnessed him perform live on stage with his band during the time and you’ve supported him in his endeavors ever since but you also made sure to knock some sense into him whenever you got the chance, this was also the time he had first taught you how to play your guitar as well and the time you had realized that you weren’t crushing on him anymore, no. You were in love and you fell for Matt, hard.

Snapping yourself back into reality, you then cast your phone aside to your bedside table, hands flying over to your face, you then groaned a little bit loudly, enough to wake your slumbering partner right beside you, which of course, effectively woke them up, their eyes half-lidded and sleep ridden as they spoke, a little bit bluntly, “Y’know, it wouldn’t kill you to just talk to him, (Y/N). Mimi, Miyako, and the others are right, just talk to him. It would do everyone some good and please get some sleep instead of reminiscing at hours such as these.” Turning around to look at your partner, you finally caved in and heaved a deep sigh, expression softening as you spoke, “You guys win. I’ll talk to him.”

At this point, your partner looked as if they were completely done with your bullshit and had reached over to bonk you on the head as they spoke, “Not through text, genius. Give him a call and don’t be awkward.” “Ow! Fine, I’ll do it, happy?” You responded, holding your head a pout on your face as your digimon partner yawned, turning over to their side, snuggling further into their side of the bed and their blankets, “Yes, now go the fuck to sleep.”

“SINCE WHEN DID YOU LEARN HOW TO FUCKING CUSS, (D/P)!?” “The moment I was paired with you, now go to sleep.” “I-Fair point. Good night.”

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innepttia · 2 years

Text

End of 2021 writing meme

Honestly I am so excited to be tagged in this even if it’s 2022 now. Thank you @zet-sway for tagging me!! Love doing these things

WROTE: I published 94,413 words on AO3. Too lazy to figure out anything else but that number sounds absolutely bonkers to me anyways 🥴

NEW THINGS I TRIED: gosh dang AUs and turian smut

I tucked tail and ran away from both of those in the end.

Unfortunately I’ve turned back to AUs (probably will be scared away again lmao) and I don’t think I can ever go back to trying to write turian smut.

But I do enjoy reading it and writing little turian kisses 🥺

FIC I SPENT THE MOST TIME ON: Departed. My one sided pining legion/Shep fic (with established Shakarian). It’s not even close to being done and it’s a slow WIP but I’m very invested. I have this whole idea that a part of Legion’s code is uploaded as a ships AI so he can only watch Shep endanger herself constantly. He’s trying to save her and she's out here just being Shep. I had this scene stuck in my head,

She runs; not away, but towards danger. I have no hands to stop her, no way to save her, still she runs towards the breach. Her hair whipping her face, her feet sliding towards the empty void of space. I cannot save her.

Anyways, I wanted to write an entire fic around that. Coming up with OCs and a murder mystery plot in space is taking up a lot of my brain space.

FIC I SPENT THE LEAST TIME ON: casual sabotage. I wanted to do something silly, hence the galactic fair, and then it spiraled down into Thane pulling out the big guns and calling Shep a “good girl” and bruh. If that ain’t just the hottest thing ever then idk what is.

Wrote it in one sitting one afternoon. Most research I had to do was to confirm that deep fried beer was, indeed, a thing.

FAVORITE THING I WROTE: Empty Crown, oneshot (shrios) AND As It Was, unfinished, in progress (Samara/Nihlus)

Sorry I have two favorite things 🥴

FAVORITE THING I READ: golden years by @spookyvalentine

You want a Kasumi fic? Here’s a Kasumi fic and it’s PERFECTION.

and

Authorized Communications by @zet-sway

Zet constantly feeds my need for shrios. And Thane does such good dirty talk.

This has changed from the last fic meme I did but I can’t help it! I am constantly discovering amazing fics and I am very impressionable. and tbh I just love all my friend’s work so much I’ll just die.

(I read The Primarch’s Advisor by @hanarinhightown this year but I also want to mention it because I loved it. Adrien Victus/Castis Vakarian)

WRITING GOALS FOR NEXT YEAR:

Start and finish my film noir shrios fic 🥲 I’ve written a couple scenes but I want to get it outlined to make it official.

Finish my Nihlus/Samara fic.

Finish my Legion fic.

Keeping it nice and easy with those goals because I am honestly so bad with goals 😭

I'm tagging: @spookyvalentine @hanarinhightown @skittidyne @bluerose5 and anyone else that wants to! 😍

No pressure, friends!!

#acrylicsalts-inspo #ask meme #YAY another one!!#thank you :')#mass effect stuff #sare shouts into the void

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sukifans · 4 years

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PET • RI • CHOR

[n] a pleasant smell that accompanies the first rain after a long period of warm, dry weather

ZUKO X OC SERIES

SUMMARY: a captured waterbender and the fire prince may sound like an unlikely pair, but kena never much cared about others’ expectations and zuko, well… he was just along for the ride

A/N: uhhh so i guess i’m writing fic again for the first time since i was like 15 thanks to quarantine. here’s a snippet of a zuko x oc i’ve been writing to gauge interest ig. i used to write h*rry p*tter fic and post it to a fan account i had and it got pretty popular even though it was garbage so... let’s see. here is my hat, it is in the ring 🎩 also thanks @beifongsss for answering my anon ask and being my first (and maybe only) tag lmao 🥴

⏎ MASTERLIST // PROLOGUE i » PROLOGUE ii

“I like your hair loopies.” The voice made her jump and throw the water she had been trying to bend from the pond at its source behind her. “Hey!”

Kena turned and saw a young boy about her age in red silk pajamas now soaked in water. His long black hair hung limply around his face, dripping. “Tui’s gills, you scared me! You can’t just sneak up on people like that!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry I splashed you.”

“It’s okay.” He shook his head, throwing water droplets everywhere. They both giggled.

“I can try to help, but I’m not very good yet. Here.” She waved her arms and hands in a waterbending stance, drawing water out of his clothes and hair. She pulled some out and discarded it back into the pond, but the poor boy was definitely still wet. “Sorry,” she said sheepishly, dropping her hands.

“That was so cool! I’ve always wanted to see waterbending in person.” His face lit up, golden eyes sparkling. She blushed and looked at her feet. “Sometimes I wish I was a waterbender. But what are you doing here?”

Her face was dark when she looked up at him again. “The Fire Nation invaded my village and took me and my mom as prisoners because we’re healers. She tells me we’re lucky to be alive since they’ve been wiping out waterbenders. I don’t know, though; I think I’d rather be dead than be a servant for some snooty royal.” She aimed a kick at a small pebble and launched it into the pond. “Now I’ll probably never see my dad, or my brothers, or my friends ever again.”

“Oh,” the boy said meekly, looking away. “I’m sorry that happened.” He didn’t know what to say to the girl.

“Yeah, me too,” she grumbled. There was silence for a moment before the boy smiled hesitantly again.

“I’ll be your friend here, if you’d like.”

The tension in her small body loosened when she slowly grinned at him. “Yeah, I think I’d like that. You seem alright, for a Fire Nation kid.”

“Thanks, I think,” he laughed. “What’s your name?”

“Kena. Well, that’s my real name. When they brought us here some weird guy told me my new name would be Ariye.”

“I like Kena better for you.”

“Me too. Ariye is a dumb name. I told him that but he got mad. What’s yours?”

“Oh, I’m-“ he started, flushing, then paused and looked behind him. “Someone’s coming. Go, hide!”

“What about you? Won’t you get in trouble?”

“No, no! It’s fine! Just go!” He shooed her away and she finally complied, diving into a patch of brush just as someone rounded the corner in the distance. She was about to make her escape when she paused to listen in.

“Prince Zuko,” a woman’s voice chided, “why are you out of bed so late?”

Wait, Prince Zuko? He’s a prince?

“I couldn’t sleep so I came out to see the turtleducks,” Zuko said. It wasn’t entirely a lie, after all — that had been his intention.

“Why are you all wet?”

“I... slipped, and fell in the water.”

The woman sighed. “Prince Zuko, you must be more careful. Come along, let’s get you cleaned up and into bed.” Kena slipped away as her voice got fainter and eventually disappeared from earshot. She felt incredibly stupid for going on and on about the invasion and how much she disliked being here to the prince of all people. She was surely in for it now. Her mother had always said her mouth would get her into trouble if she didn’t control it. A glimmer of hope rose in her chest, though, because Zuko had seemed really... well, nice. He didn’t rat her out or get upset when she spoke poorly of royals even though he apparently was one. Maybe not all the people of the Fire Nation were so bad... just most of them.

The next night, Zuko snuck back out to the turtleduck pond in the hopes of seeing the girl again. He was absolutely fascinated by her — she was probably the only person he knew who wasn’t, as she had said, “some snooty royal,” or someone who worked for one. That, and she was definitely the only waterbender he knew. He loitered in the grass for a long time before giving up and going back to bed. This cycle repeated for a week with no luck. Kena had said her and her mother were healers, so maybe he’d be able to find her in the infirmary. Now, just to come up with some sort of excuse to go there...

Kena nearly felt like dropping dead when a familiar boy walked into the infirmary, escorted by a servant. His eyes brimmed with tears and he was sniffling softly, holding one hand in the other delicately. Reluctantly and with her face burning, she bowed with her mother.

“Prince Zuko, what happened?” the older woman asked, leading him to sit on a cot in the corner of the room.

“Azula b-burned my hand,” Zuko whimpered, showing her his reddened skin. Kena’s mother tutted and waved her daughter over.

“Prince Zuko, this is my daughter, Ariye,” the woman said, smiling as she smoothed Kena’s hair. Kena bowed again, mostly to avoid looking directly at him.

“Nice to meet you.” Zuko beamed and she nodded stiffly, looking at a spot on the wall above his shoulder.

“You as well, Prince Zuko,” she responded quietly. “Do you need anything, Mom?”

“Yes. Can you get the burn salve while I heal what I can, my love?” Kena nodded again and scurried away as soon as she had the excuse. Zuko watched her as she searched cabinets at the other end of the room, snapping his eyes down to his hand when he felt the cool wetness of water against his skin. Kena’s mom was holding his hand with both her own, bending water around his seared flesh. His mouth dropped open a bit when the water started to glow. After a few moments, Kena’s mom pulled her hands back and bent the water away as the girl returned with a small tin in her grasp. He frowned when she still refused to look at him directly.

“Thank you, my dear,” her mother said. “Can you put some on the prince’s hand while I talk to Miss Sana?” She tilted her head to indicate the servant that had brought Zuko in who was standing on the other side of the bed he sat in.

“Yes, Mom.” Kena sat on the bed across from him as her mother stood and walked away with Sana. Zuko grinned again once he was certain the adults were out of immediate earshot.

“Hi, Kena,” he said, waving at her with his injured hand. It was no longer a blistering red, but the skin was still a bit stiff and dry. The salve would help with that, he assumed.

She furrowed her brow. “Why are you here?”

“I wanted to see you again. I waited by the pond in the gardens for a few nights but you never came back.”

“You did this on purpose?”

“Yep!” he said, obviously proud of his cunning plan. When she rolled her eyes, though, he deflated.

“That was dumb,” she scoffed. Her bluntness shocked him. Nobody ever talked to him, the prince, like that. Well, except Azula. But she was mean to everyone.

“What do you mean?” He looked obviously distressed and even a bit irritated. “I let Azula burn me so I could talk to you again!”

“You should’ve just pretended you felt sick or something,” she said like it was the simplest thing in the world. And really, it was. Zuko felt a bit silly now for all his dramatics.

“Oh,” he said. His cheeks were bright pink. Kena finally gave him a small grin as she gently held his hand, slathering the salve onto his skin. “Your hands are cold.”

“And your hands are warm.”

“Because I’m a firebender.”

“Well, I’m a waterbender.”

He hummed thoughtfully. “I guess that makes sense. It feels nice, though.” They were quiet for a few minutes while Kena delicately massaged in the weird paste. “Can we still be friends?” he asked suddenly. She looked up at him, startled.

“You still want to be friends with me?”

“Uh, yeah. You’re super cool!”

She blushed. “Even though I said that mean stuff about royals and all that?”

“I mean, you weren’t wrong. A lot of people around here are snooty.”

She thought it over for half a second. “Yeah, we can be friends. Like I said before, you’re not so bad, for a Fire Nation kid.” They smiled at each other, and it was settled.

A/N: i don’t know how to write dialogue for kids... anyways if this gets attention i might post more because i write when work is slow so! feel free to send me an ask/dm/reply/carrier pigeon. also sorry for the long post, mobile is ass and won’t let me do a read more cut ~~

#mine #atla #avatar the last airbender #atla fic #atla fanfic #zuko #zuko x oc #prince zuko #prince zuko x oc #zuko fanfic #yadda yadda #i don’t post on tumblr from any of my main blogs so idk what to tag things #yoink #avatar fic #zuko x reader #prince zuko x reader #the last airbender #zuko fic #petrichor

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neowinestainedress · 3 years

Photo

↬ title: There is a glorious sunrise, dappled with the flickers of light. ↬ CHAP. 1 | CHAP. 2 | ↬ pairings: jung jaehyun x kim doyoung ; jung jaehyun x dong sicheng ; lee taeyong x kim doyoung | side suh johnny x lee ten ↬ summary: After seven years in heaven with Doyoung, an unexpected divorce shakes Jaehyun’s life upside down and it seems impossible for him to move on. But Jaehyun finds out that past the curses and cries, there is happiness and forgiveness. ↬ genre: Divorce | Post-divorce | Mild hurt/comfort | Strangers to FWB to lovers | Getting together | Single parent | Adopted children | Angst with an happy ending | Family feels | Family fluff | Aged-up characters ↬ warnings: References to past domestic abuse but it’s not described. Also, Little Renjun (and Yerim) just because I didn’t want to create a whole new oc, hope it’s not much of a problem lmao. ↬ words count: 8.8k ↬ ao3 link

Chapter two: There’ll be happiness after you

“Shit!” Sicheng muttered under his breath standing up from the mattress with his back. His eyes looked around the room swiftly, trying to catch a glimpse of his phone. Nowhere to be found. He got out of the covers, trying to be as silent as possible, and started to wear his clothes that were messily discarded on the floor the night before.

“Why do you always have to sneak out like a thief?” Sicheng stilled on the spot, one leg up in the air trying to enter in the pants and his front facing the door. Fuck, Jaehyun was awake. And he didn’t need to turn around to know how he was looking at him, not after three months this shit was going on, and his heart started to sink every time he had to say goodbye. Jaehyun’s gaze was burning on his back. He was sitting on the bed, with his hands laying on his lap, covered by the white sheets of his bed, his hair still ruffled, his eyes sleepy and his lips puffed. Sicheng hated that sight because every day was getting harder to leave.

Not looking for anything, my ass. He hissed inside his head. Cursing the night he let himself get caught in all of this.

“I’m late.” He mumbled, regaining his composure and grabbing his shirt that was laying on the armchair at the corner of the room.

“It’s Saturday. Late for what?” Jaehyun asked, annoyance in his tone, as he let his body collapse on the bed again. And Sicheng didn’t dare to turn around, knowing damn well how easy it would’ve been for him to lure him to stay a little bit more.

“Didn’t know people had no plans on Saturday.” He tried to joke about it and finally turned around. Just because he was fully clothed and there was no way he could go back in bed.

Jaehyun huffed, his arm coming to rest on his eyes. “Can I come with you?”

“No!” Sicheng almost choked himself. His eyes widening and looking all around the room. Where the hell was his phone?

Jaehyun got startled, not expecting this kind of reaction.

“I’m just late for something I need to do, okay? I really can’t stay. It was great, though. See you.” Sicheng mumbled, without catching his breath once. Then he disappeared out of the room, praying that his phone was in the kitchen or somewhere downstairs.

A curse slipped out of Jaehyun’s lips as he rolled around the bed, his face pressed against the pillow where Sicheng slept all night.

Maybe things started to get messed up in his life once again. And maybe, this time, it was totally his fault.

He didn’t understand why Sicheng acted like this every time he stayed over. Or better, he didn’t understand why all of a sudden he started to care.

He wasn’t looking for anything, right? But Sicheng was just so fun to stay with, he was kind, yet he had sharp humour and knew how to speak his mind. Oh, and the way he used to throw his head back when laughing, such a deep yet silly sound. Or how his eyes would light up when he talked about dancing.

Jaehyun growled in the pillow. He wasn’t supposed to think about all of that. He wasn’t supposed to find him so damn cute. That was not what he was looking for when he called him on the phone, one night of three months ago, to ask for a quick fuck that could distract him from his toughs.

“A little bit too shy now for somebody who just booty called me,” Sicheng teased raising an eyebrow. His hands wandering on Jaehyun’s back trying to lift his shirt and get rid of it as soon as possible.

Jaehyun mumbled something that made no sense and leaned closer to kiss him. “I– Listen it’s been quite some time, okay?” He reminded him. “Also, Doyoung has been basically –”

Sicheng shut him with a kiss, his hands running in his hair and pulling him even closer.

“As much as I love it when you talk shit I would very much like for you to shut up, now. Especially if you have to bring him up when you clearly called me to forget about him.” He said. His deep voice firm but not stern, but the thing that made a shiver run down Jaehyun’s spine was the look of his eyes, they were so intense and Jaehyun felt so naked in front of him he couldn’t help but blush.

“I just thought that –”

“Shh,” Jaehyun had no chance to finish once again, Sicheng’s finger coming on top of his red plump lips, “Can you just relax for one night? Let me take care of you.”

And Jaehyun did. He let go. The only problem was that they both didn’t pay much attention to the ‘one night’ part. Because the nights became two, and three and then so many that they had lost track. And then they also stopped just being ‘nights’.

Jaehyun had no idea if it was because, apparently both of them, Sicheng didn’t really open up much about his break up, had spent their wildest years settled with one person and now they were feeling the rush of a random fling. Or if that was simply what they needed. Whatever it was, they couldn’t stop, but they had no idea where all of this was about to go.

Jaehyun decided to get up from the bed. Deciding that moping in his toughs didn’t help. And it seemed hilarious to him how he was just stopping dwelling on is ex-husband that somebody else had started to screw him over.

༄

“You can’t go on this way,” Johnny said, stirring the coffee in his cup.

“Not you telling me to stop all of this when you were the one throwing me in his arms.” Jaehyun lamented, reminding Johnny that he was stressing him just a few months ago to open up and meet new people.

“I told you to have fun, not to get caught up emotionally.” Johnny retorted.

“I’m not. You think I like him that way?” Jaehyun laughed.

Johnny raised an eyebrow and gave him a bad look. Maybe it wasn’t love, yet, but Jaehyun was growing affectionate to him. Johnny could see it. He knew exactly how Jaehyun started to act when he started to like somebody.

“It’s just sex and friendship. We are good friends, what’s wrong with it?”

“Then why are you mad if he leaves?” Johnny highlighted teasing him.

“I just hate the way he acts sometimes. He’s keeping secrets and for what I know he could be a serial killer, John. And he would also be good at it.” Jaehyun started to mumble, his hands moving frenetically. Sicheng was so damn mysterious, and usually, Jaehyun was pretty good at reading people, but with him, it was impossible to take a small peek inside.

His friend rolled his eyes and then sighed. “You need to relax.”

“But how?” The younger squealed.

“Why don’t you talk to him?” Johnny said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. And it was, just not for Jaehyun.

Jaehyun laughed but then turned serious as soon as he saw Johnny’s face looking at him with a severe expression.

“What if I lose him?” He whispered, his voice suddenly filling with a bit of sadness.

“What if you find out you’re just paranoid and you stop torturing yourself?” Johnny proposed him, showing him the other side of the medal, where everything could go right and he would find inner peace after finding out that Sicheng wasn’t hiding anything big from him.

Jaehyun sighed. “But it’s not my place to ask. If he doesn’t want to tell me I can’t force him. I don’t want to scare him away.”

Johnny sighed. When Jaehyun didn’t want to listen there was really nothing he could do. “Just because it happened once it doesn’t mean it’s going to happen twice.” Johnny didn’t say much, but Jaehyun knew what he was talking about. Jaehyun always feared being left, but after the divorce things got worse, to the point that he also started to question his friendships and how easily replaceable he was. Doyoung was still an open wound that seemed to have no intention to heal. He didn’t miss him like that anymore. Now Jaehyun could openly see the situation for what it was. After giving him all the best he had, there was nothing else. The only thing he could give to Doyoung was the green light of forgiveness. He couldn’t be mad at him for having finally found his happiness. He knew Taeyong was giving everything he wasn’t able to give him. He had stopped being the petty him, he had let sorrow and regret behind. But he was dealing with the aftermath of everything. And healing wasn’t easy and fast as everybody wanted to believe. Blooming was painful and long.

༄

“Why are you always in a hurry, Cheng?” Jaehyun lamented, his arms wrapping around Sicheng’s torso to keep him flushed against him.

“I simply have to go.” The Chinese man answered, trying to get away from Jaehyun’s grip. He didn’t want to, to be honest. It was nice to stay there, in the warmth of his bed and body, and let himself lose in Jaehyun’ scent. But he had to.

“Yeah, but why? Why are you so mysterious. Are you hiding bodies in your freezer?”

Sicheng chuckled, letting his head fall back and rest on Jaehyun’s chest. His eyes looked at the clock, 3 p.m. Maybe he could let himself stay a little bit more.

“Fine, but just thirty minutes more.” He said, turning his head a little to leave a peak on his lips. Jaehyun smiled in the kiss and nodded.

“You can’t dodge the question, though.”

Sicheng’s body stiffed for a split second. Maybe dodging no, but lying definitely. He hated keeping it a secret to him but he was just terrified he would leave, just like she did, and he didn’t want that to happen again. Or worst, get mad like he used to. He knew he couldn’t keep it from him forever, and he knew that it would’ve hurt like hell when Jaehyun would’ve slipped out of his life, but right now he didn’t want to think about it. Because for how messy the whole thing it was, Jaehyun made him feel good. Not only in a sexual way. He loved being with him, for what he could. He felt comfortable with him. They had so many passions in common, he would never laugh at him or at something that made him happy. Jaehyun was so fucking supportive that it felt like a fever dream to Sicheng. He wasn’t used to all of this. Always getting caught in toxic relationships where he would always take too much space and time. And it was absurd to him how he felt more loved in this mess, that was just a strange friendship stained with sex, than he felt in any other relationship he ever had.

“I babysit a four years old baby, and his parents are never home, basically.” He lied, his heart aching. A part of him felt he could trust Jaehyun with the truth, but what if underneath he was like anybody else? Nice on the surface and pure evil once he let them in. He felt that Jaehyun didn’t deserve all these lies, but he had to protect himself and him.

“You babysit?” Jaehyun asked in shock.

“Yeah, why?” Sicheng tried to stop his voice from shaking, looking at Jaehyun’s face to read him.

“First of all, I thought you worked at the dance studio. And second, I don’t know, never pictured you with a baby.” Jaehyun said, a little bit confused.

“I have two jobs, but I’m focusing more on the babysitting. Might also quit the dance, to be honest.” The man mumbled, his eyes once again looking away.

“Why? I thought that was your dream?”

“Well, we can’t always have what we dream of.” Sicheng sighed, maybe he should’ve run out of the bed right now and avoid any more questions.

“And the baby?” Jaehyun furrowed. He thought that teaching paid him enough to live only of that. Wasn’t it a more stable workplace compared to babysitting? Babies grow.

“What?”

“Why you chose to babysit?”

“Oh, it just happened.” He invented at the spot. But the insecurity in his voice didn’t reach Jaehyun that seemed to be busy daydreaming about something else.

“Why are you smiling so big?” Sicheng asked, eyebrows furrowed.

Jaehyun shrugged. “Imagining you with a child.”

“I’m good with babies.” Sicheng defended.

“Never said you weren’t. You would make a great father I guess.” Sicheng heart stopped for a moment, what was he implying?

“He’s not mine.” He spat out immediately.

“I know. Just saying, for the future, you know.” The Korean turned his face back on him and flashed him a warm smile.

“You would like to have babies?” Sicheng asked. “I mean, just asking.” He added soon after to make sure he wasn’t implying that they would be with him.

Jaehyun’s smile dropped. “Yeah, always wanted at least one. Doyoung and I actually had started the practice to adopt but things went wrong for bureaucratic problems and we had to give up.”

“Oh,” Sicheng said. He had no idea about that. Jaehyun never talked about that before, he always thought children never crossed their minds.

“Guess it’s better like this seeing how we ended.” He tried to see the half-full glass. He could still remember how he had cried for months when things went wrong and he had to give up the thought of them with a baby.

Sicheng nodded, and then looked at the clock again. He almost had to leave, but one last question haunted him.

“Do you want to get married again?” Sicheng asked, having no idea why. If he said yes it would mean there was no place for him in his life. They were nothing serious.

“I don’t want to make plans for my life anymore, to be honest. I’ll just follow the flown wherever it leads me.” Sicheng didn’t know if he had to be happy about it or not. But he should’ve because the flown had lead Jaehyun to him and he was more than happy with that.

“I have to go, now. Text me.” Sicheng said getting up from the bed, for the first time without Jaehyun begging for him to stay. Now that he knew the truth he could finally relax.

But the problem was that it wasn’t the truth at all.

“Who are you?” Jaehyun’s eyebrows narrowed when he arrived in front of Sicheng house and he didn’t find him when the door opened. A shiver run down his spine when the door opened and he didn’t see anybody. Then his eyes lowered and he found a child looking at him intensely. Was that Sicheng’s mini version? Because that was the same look he would give him every time he was mad.

“Umh, I’m looking for Sicheng, actually. He told me he wasn’t working on Saturday.” Jaehyun tried to explain, trying to sound as calm as possible but it wasn’t easy because the little boy was scaring him. Why was he there if Sicheng wasn’t supposed to be working?

The boy looked up and down at him and then talked again. “I don’t know you, and dada says not to let strangers at home.”

“Oh, no. I’m Sicheng’s friend. I passed because I tough he was free. Are your parents busy?”

An interrogative expression painted on the boy’s face, and then he took some steps back, closing the door a little bit. “Dada is in the shower, can’t come right now.”

“Sicheng?” Jaehyun asked, trying to get who he was talking about.

The boy nodded. And Jaehyun wondered how absent his parents must be if he called Sicheng dad, he knew that it could happen often to babysitters when they looked after young children but he always found that kind of sad. And wasn’t he supposed to look after him? Why would he leave somebody else baby alone?

“Can I come in? It’s quite hot outside, I just want to say hi.”

“No strangers.” The boy said. Damn, he was headstrong. But at least he had been educated well. Better like this than running away with strangers.

“If I let you see a picture of me and Sicheng will you let me in?” Jaehyun asked, kneeling at his level.

The brown-haired boy nodded, holding the teddy bear closer to his chest.

“Come in.” He said and moved to the side once the man showed him a picture of them hugging.

“Thanks. Actually, I have brought sweets, do you want some?” Jaehyun asked, making his way in the house and showing the young boy the package full of pastries.

The boy’s eyes lit up and he ran toward the small table that was placed in the living room. Sicheng’s house was considerably smaller than his, but it was normal considering he was the only one living there. Yet, this was the first time he came over during the day and he could notice things he never noticed before. Like the thousands of toys that were splattered all around the living room. And when he posed the pastries in front of the child on the table, his eyes fell on the framed pictures on the fireplace.

No, it couldn’t be.

He turned around, studying the baby better. He was busy picking all the pastries that had chocolate inside. He was wearing red shorts and a white tank top with Tom & Jerry printed on top. His legs swinging in the air and a familiar smile painted his small face. He focused on his face, his eyes, his little nose, his lips…

There was no way he could be –

“What are you doing here?” Sicheng exclaimed. He was wearing a loose white shirt and black shorts. His hair still wet from the shower.

“He told me he’s your friend and he brought the pastries, so I let him in.” The boy said before Jaehyun could say anything.

“Renjun!” Sicheng exclaimed, his Chinese accent coming out completely. “How many times I told you not to let people you don’t know inside?”

“But he showed me a picture of you together!”

“In his defence, he kept me five minutes outside to see if I really knew you,” Jaehyun said.

“Fine. What are you doing here? We didn’t say to hang out.”

“You told me you weren’t working so I thought –“

“I’m working, didn’t told you plans changed.”

“But dad, you’re not working,” Renjun said, with his mouth stuffed with food, looking angrily at Sicheng.

Sicheng closed his eyes and his fist. And that’s why you don’t have conversations between adults in front of children.

“So it’s true…” Jaehyun whispered, a hand coming to cover the stupor on his face.

“Jaehyun, please, not here.” The other man begged, voice breaking in his throat.

“Renjun, to your room now, take the sweets with you, just for this time.”

༄

“Why you didn’t tell me?” Jaehyun said as soon as Sicheng pushed him inside the small kitchen and closed the door behind them, to make extra sure that Renjun couldn’t hear anything. Jaehyun was angry, thank God he wasn’t screaming at him but Sicheng could hear how hurt he was from the whole thing. But he couldn’t force himself to look up at the man in front of him. He didn’t want to see his eyes filled with disappointment.

“Sicheng, why would you hide something so big from me?” He asked again, raising his voice a little. “What idea of me you had in mind to cut out such a big part of your life?”

The Chinese man flinched, raising his hand in the air to protect himself for something that didn’t come.

“Because I didn’t want this!” He yelled, his arms coming to close around his chest and trying to hide even more in the corner of the room.

Jaehyun stilled at his reaction. Why was he acting like that?

“Sicheng,” He called him, his voice back at being low and kind. He was still let down that Sicheng would hide something like this to him, but there was definitely something wrong and more tragic behind. “Can we please sit and talk like grownups?”

But Sicheng didn’t move or talk, and soon he let himself burst in tears, and kneel to the floor. Jaehyun run to him and pulled him closer to his chest. And Sicheng wanted to pull away, not used to that. Not happy of letting him see him like this, but what was the point now? Jaehyun would’ve left anyway now that he had found out. He was mad at him like everybody else. He was useless, pathetic and nobody wanted to stick to his side. The only thing he was good at, making people run away. So he could take the good of the situation and let himself lull by Jaehyun, just before he would snap out of the pity and take it on him and then leave him forever.

But the first words that came out of the other’s mouth, weren’t the ones Sicheng expected to hear. “I’m sorry that I scared you.”

Sicheng looked up, his eyes red and wet, and sniffled. Why was he apologizing?

“We can talk if you want, but if you don’t I’ll leave, didn’t want to –”

“No!” Sicheng exclaimed. “Please don’t leave me.” He added, the hold on Jaehyun’s shirt getting incredibly tight. And he could still hear his voice calling him pathetic but he couldn’t care, that was just a nonexistent voice in his head. He needed Jaehyun.

“I’ll stay. Can we seat there?” He pointed at the chair around the table and Sicheng nodded.

“Can I, can I sit on your lap?” He mumbled, red in the face. It was such a childish request but he needed to feel that Jaehyun was there, he couldn’t even care how hot it was. But Jaehyun didn’t laugh at him, he simply sat down and pulled him on top of him.

They didn’t say a word for some minutes. Jaehyun didn’t want to force him to talk, and anyway, he had no idea what to ask him. The pieces of the puzzles were so messed up that he had no idea where to start to put them together.

“Renjun is mine, as you may have guessed.” Sicheng started to say, a small chuckle rolling out of his lips and his hands nervously playing with each other. Jaehyun grabbed them and intertwined them with his to stop him from torturing his cuticle and then let his chin rest against Sicheng’s shoulder, carefully listening to him.

“His mother left right after his birth. We were twenty-two, dating since we were eighteen when I went to the dance academy in French. One day I woke up, and all there was left of her, and us, was Renjun in his cradle and a letter marked with tears, and thousands of words to tell me that she had met someone else and didn’t want to be a mother anymore. We wanted him, we wanted Renjun with all of ourselves, and after three months she left.” Jaehyun’s heart sunk. He could’ve imagined that something happened to the other part, but he wasn’t expecting this.

“I had no idea how to deal with all of that. I never saw it coming, I was so sure that we had finally found our happiness, that finally my life was coming together and all of a sudden everything I believed in wasn’t there anymore. I felt so stupid, so dumb because I couldn’t see the signs. And till these days I still don’t know what happened, where we went wrong, if I could’ve done something, anything to save us.” A bitter smile crept on Jaehyun’s face because he knew that feeling. And he wondered how can you move on from something like that, when it had already been hard, and still was, for him, and it was a divorce. Not a baby that you looked for that suddenly became a burden, a mistake. Jaehyun hadn’t been cheated on and left with a kid.

“So I completely focused on Renjun. First, because I had to, and I had no intention of making him feel less loved or less wanted. And second, because I didn’t want to face my broken heart. I went on like this till Renjun was two. Then I met a man at a dinner party. I went there because I was working as an assistant in a corporation, and I made the biggest mistake of my life. He was thirty-six year old, fifteen years older than me. He had his life together, an amazing house, three cars, and everybody pending from his lips. We started talking casually but I found myself caught up in him faster than expected. And I was so stupid that I thought he was as into me as I was into him. But there was nothing good in what we had. I was just one of his thousands of sex toys, and I would let him do everything he wanted with me. As long as I could feel wanted even for just ten minutes against a wall or his desk, for me it was okay.” A silent sob got stuck in his throat. He hated thinking about the past, especially that part of his life. He hated that he craved love so much that even the most toxic kind seemed okay to him.

“After six months like this, I decided to cut things off. I couldn’t bring myself to do it anymore, and I wanted to focus on me and Renjun. But I was stupid and broken, I had no time to heal from her that somebody else had hurt me again. I was battered and bruised and I fell in the rabbit hole like a fool when he came back promising me to be the only one and that he loved me and wanted something serious.” Sicheng sniffled and moved in discomfort on top of Jaehyun. The other pulling him closer to him to reassure him everything was fine.

“We started to date,” He laughed bitterly. “But I had Renjun. I was a father before anything else, and he didn’t like it. I couldn’t always be where he wanted me to be. And a part of me was always thinking about Renjun even when I was out, I was just terrified something could happen to him, I didn’t want to lose him too. So I decided to open up to him and he seemed so understanding that I fell in his trap, even more, day after day getting deeper. He suggested living with him after three months. Like that, we could’ve spent more time together, I could’ve worked less and spent more time with Renjun, and finally move on from her completely by moving out of our old house. And to me, it looked like magic, but I had no idea of the nightmare that was waiting for me headed. Soon I stopped seeing the daylight, it had happened when Renjun caught a very bad disease and I had to look after him for a month, I was supposed to go back to work after that but he convinced me to stay home. Just to be sure that Renjun was fine and I could take a break from the stressful things that had happened. Pft, just an excuse to keep quiet while he would go around fucking anybody he met and also known that coming home he would’ve found a hot meal, fresh sheets and somebody else to fuck.”

Jaehyun shivered at his words. He wasn’t so sure he wanted to listen to the rest, but at the same time, he wanted to be a shoulder for Sicheng to lean on. That wasn’t what he had planned when he decided to surprise him that day. That wasn’t something he expected from Sicheng at all, because after all this pain he became so good at hiding emotions that nothing exuded from him. And now Jaehyun could see why he was cold sometimes when every time he let himself grow closer he would take five steps back right after.

“But once again, I didn’t see it coming. I was so in love with him that everything seemed shiny. He was much older than me and I believed I had so much to learn from him. I would sit and listen to all of the bullshits coming out of his mouth as if they were golden.” Another bitter laugh left his lips. “I treated him like a fucking king. Worshipping his ground like a fool. Every day waiting by the door to greet him home like a hero. My hero, because he saved me, he gave me a roof on the head, he paid for the food, for the water, my clothes, and any other thing he would buy even if I didn’t ask. Because he was doing so much for me and I had to be thankful, happy and quiet.”

“Then I started to suspect he was cheating on me, but every time I tried to bring the topic up he would gaslight me and I always let go, thinking that it was all in my head. And from then it started to go worst for me. I wanted to be wanted, so bad, Jae, so bad that I would’ve done anything as long as he would’ve kept looking at me and only me.” This time a loud sob escaped from his lips and he had to stop to regain his composure. He had to move and finish the story, it was starting to hurt and Renjun was alone in his room way too long for his liking.

“But I wish it would’ve stopped there. After six months his company started to flop, and he had to take it on somebody, and he knew that the only one who wouldn’t have dared to say something around was me. I don’t really want to talk about it, but things got worse and physical pretty soon.” Sicheng wanted to erase it from his mind so bad, but he couldn’t, and talking about it only hurt more. It meant going back there, with his hands on his body, his eyes black, his lips bulging and no mercy at his screams and cries. He knew he needed to go to therapy or else that wounds would never heal, but it was too expensive for him, a single father who was already struggling to arrive at the end of the month already like this.

“That’s why I flinched when you raised your voice before. When I was dating him one wrong step meant a yell from him followed by a slap, that when he was in a good mood and decided to stop there.” Jaehyun didn’t say a thing, he simply started to caress the back of Sicheng’s hand with his thumb to reassure him that with him nothing like that would’ve ever happened. But deep down he knew that wasn’t enough. Sicheng needed help, serious help. But right now, that was the only thing he had to offer, his support.

Sicheng sniffled, his hands tightening around Jaehyun’s. “It went on for almost two years, and if it wasn’t for Renjun probably I would still be there. I couldn’t stand seeing Renjun living in that toxic environment. Renjun started to be defensive with everybody, at the kindergarten he wouldn’t talk with anybody. He would ask me why I had bruises all over my body and I didn’t know how to lie anymore. He also started to have nightmares at night but he wanted me at his side and I had to put my baby second.” Sicheng paused another time, taking a deep breath.

“Do you want some water?” Jaehyun asked; the first words he spoke since they started this conversation. But the Chinese man shook his head. He didn’t want to get up and stop feeling the warmth of his body.

“I had no worth in his life and it was time for me to break free and leave him in ruins. He wasn’t expecting for me to stand up, to take the dagger he had jabbed in me and remove it. And neither was I. I had no money, no job, nowhere to go. But I did it, I was tired of begging for a place that wasn’t meant for me, I knew that both Renjun and I deserved better. To be celebrated, not tolerated. I wanted to call Ten and ask for help but I was so embarrassed by myself that I decided to test my luck completely. So I moved here without saying a word. Slept in hotels and sent jobs applications. And luckily enough I got accepted at the dance studio to teach. I have to look after him so the pay is not much for the few lessons I do, but it’s enough to pay the rent, the bills, food and clothes. I didn’t come here for Christmas, I had to lie to Ten because I didn’t want him to pity me.” Sicheng admitted.

“Wait, nobody knows about all of this?” Jaehyun asked when the realization hit him. Sicheng did all of that by himself, with nobody by his side.

“Nobody but you,” Sicheng confirmed, smiling shyly with his head low.

Silence filled the room after that, but it wasn’t awkward. Sicheng wasn’t in the mood to tell him how hard it had been to come all over another country and start from zero. With the fear he would come to look for them. He had no reason to do that, but Sicheng still lived in fear. That was one of the reasons why he insisted that Renjun wouldn’t trust strangers. He couldn’t care about Renjun, he never did, he wasn’t his. But he knew how much Renjun meant for him, and if he wanted to hurt him, the baby was his Achilles’ heels.

“Let me check on Injunnie,” Sicheng said getting up. He was still shaking, but he passed his hand on his face to wipe away the tears, ruffled his hair and then walked out the door. And Jaehyun watched him, wondering how many times he had to do it to appear okay in front of his son’s eyes when he clearly wasn’t.

But after all of this? What was his role in this story? Was Sicheng going to give him a chance or was that the way to let him know he was out of his life? Because Jaehyun didn’t want that, he wanted to stay. Which seemed absurd considering four months before he wasn’t looking for anything serious and now he was getting himself in something that not only was serious but also extremely complicated. And what if Renjun didn’t like him? What if he wasn’t what he wanted and needed? Was he good enough to be a father?

“Jae,” Sicheng called him, making him come back down from his thoughts. “He fell asleep.” He said, and for the first time that day he saw Sicheng smile also with his eyes, the one Renjun inherited from him. And Jaehyun felt at home. A little bit messed up, with broken windows and lots of things to fix, but at home.

“So, what are we making for dinner?” Jaehyun asked standing up and walking towards Sicheng.

The man stared at him with an eyebrow raised. “You want to stay?”

“Yeah, I came to spend time with you,” Jaehyun said as if it was the most obvious thing.

“And what are we going to do with…us?” He asked, his finger moving between them. He had spent an hour ranting about his life but they didn’t say a word about them. And what kind of them? That was nothing serious right? He was the dumb one who caught feelings in the way, not Jaehyun who just came out of a happy relationship ended in tragedy and wanted nothing to do with something serious.

“Give us a try? Only if you want to.” Jaehyun proposed, his face lighting up in a warm smile who showed his dimples.

Sicheng gasped. The Jaehyun, Jung Yoonoh wanted to give them a try? He wanted to take all the mess he, Dong Sicheng, carried with him. He hoped to God that wasn’t another twist of fate and that this time was really the right one. For him and for Renjun, who deserved stability.

“Wait, I didn’t scare you for life?” Was the only thing he managed to say, though.

“It takes more than that to scare me.” Jaehyun winked.

“Well, I guess it’s time to bring out the dead bodies in the freezer,” Sicheng answered, dead serious. Just to burst out laughing two seconds later.

“God, you’re so stupid,” Jaehyun said before pulling him into a kiss.

Maybe his love story wasn’t finished, yet. He just had to wait for the book to complete itself.

༄

“What if she doesn’t like it?” Sicheng said tossing and turning the Christmas gift he had in hand.

Jaehyun sighed, stopping at the red light and turning around to have a better view of the man sitting on the passenger seat.

“Wingi, she’s not even six months old. What do you think she’s going to do? Throw it at you?”

“But babies that age needs things that stimulate their growth and it’s really important that they grow fond of their things.” Sicheng ranted.

“Dear Lord,” He exclaimed, starting the car, again. “She’s going to love it, you’ll see it.”

“But –”

“Injunnie, why don’t we sing this song?” Before Sicheng could start to complain again, Jaehyun raised the volume of the radio passing Last Christmas.

Renjun giggled in his teddy bear hooded baby jumpsuit and with is plushie firm in the hold of his hands who were starting to be less chubby, and then said: “So daddy will shut up and sing with us.”

“Hey!” Sicheng screamed, turning around a little bit to look at the child sitting in the middle in his children’s car seat. “I’m telling you, I don’t like it that you two started plotting against me.”

Then the three burst into a loud laugh just to start singing the song together soon after.

“Dada,” Renjun called Sicheng, “want to know why this is my favourite song?”

“Yes, why?” Sicheng asked, looking at him from the review mirror.

“It reminds me of us. We were always lonely during Christmas or with that bad man but now we have papa and we’re happy and home is filled with love because you gave your heart to someone special.”

Jaehyun had to thank God they had arrived at Johnny and Ten’s house, and he had nobody behind because the brutal stops he did would’ve caused an accident. His heart stopped in his chest just to start beating twice the normal rage. But Sicheng’s reaction was any different. They weren’t expecting this.

They started to get serious right after that talk, but it hadn’t been easy. They wanted to see if they really worked together and then later Jaehyun would’ve entered Renjun’s life. Because if things didn’t work out, Sicheng didn’t want to also mend Renjun’s broken heart. So even if it had been almost six months together, and Jaehyun already got closer to the baby, they dropped the news to Renjun only one month ago. And he loved it. Renjun was so enamoured of Jaehyun that he wanted all of them to live together right away, and it also didn’t take him much to ask for another sibling, preferably a sister, just because he was head over heels for the little girl uncle Johnny and Ten had just adopted. But Renjun had never said something that strong. And also he never called Jaehyun dad, or anything alike.

“I think I need a moment,” Jaehyun mumbled. His heart still jumping in his chest. Renjun had called him papa and said he was someone special, in front of the same house where he got his heart broken one year before by seeing his ex-husband replacing him with somebody else.

“Congratulation, you broke daddy Jae.” Sicheng joked turning around, expecting to find Renjun to still be seated, but the small beast was already seat belts free with his head in the middle of the front seats, smiling at them.

“Nooo. You need to work!” He said pushing his little finger in Jaehyun’s cheek. Jaehyun turned around unexpectedly and jokingly eat it, making Renjun jump in surprise.

Renjun’s high and genuine laugh resonated in the vehicle, his head thrown back and his eyes closed as four eyes full of love stared at him. Finally, after all the pain everything seemed to be falling into pieces. Finally, there was happiness. And it was all summed up in that beautiful laugh.

“Come on! I want to see Yerim!” Renjun shouted once he stopped laughing and started to jump on the spot. Hurring them to let him free.

“As you wish, your majesty.” Jaehyun joked and opened the car door to get open Renjun’s.

Once the car was locked and they grabbed the bags with all the other gifts, Sicheng took a deep breath and stretched to Jaehyun his hand, which he took. Renjun was already knocking on the front door with Yeri’s gift in his tiny hands.

“You okay?” Jaehyun asked before he started walking towards their friends’ house. And Sicheng nodded, a bright smile on his face. “We met here one year ago.”

“And I told you I wasn’t looking for anything serious. And look at us now.” Jaehyun remembered him. It was funny how fate worked, sometimes.

Sicheng laughed. That became their inside joke when Sicheng started to call him ‘Mrs. Nothing serious’ any time he wanted to tease him.

“If you don’t come in right now, I’m leaving you out in the cold!” Johnny’s voice called them and they both rolled their eyes before hurrying their steps to walk inside.

༄

The chatting of the people filled the big living room, the Christmas tree in the corner and the ambient lights created a warm and cosy atmosphere along with the holiday music playing in the background, loud enough to be heard but not to annoy. Ten didn’t hold back even that year where they had been extremely busy with the baby. But it was nice. Johnny and Ten’s Christmas party was one of the constant things in Jaehyuns’s life, he liked to know that he could always look forward to this. Especially now that everything fell into pieces.

“Why you didn’t tell me you were his ex-husband?”

“Well, good evening to you, too, Taeyong,” Jaehyun said, with a tint of irony in his voice. The man rolled his eyes.

“You made me stand there and tell you about us for what?” He asked, going back to his point.

Jaehyun sighed, and then he turned towards the voice coming from his side. Taeyong was standing in front of him, even more handsome than he was the year before. His hair was now a dark red, similar to the colour of the velvet suit he was wearing.

“To make sure he was in good hands. To make sure he has found his happiness.” Jaehyun explained.

Taeyong didn’t say a word. That wasn’t the answer he was expecting.

“And if you’re wondering, yes, I think he is.”

The other man furrowed. “Why? Why would you hurt yourself like this?”

“I didn’t hurt myself. Or, well, yes, it did hurt but it was useful. I needed closure, Tae. Can I call you that?” The man nodded. “Knowing that he had somebody else that brought the happiness I wasn’t able to give him anymore helped to get there.”

“Yeah but I still felt like shit when Doyoung told me about you,” Taeyong explained, sipping from his flûte full of champagne.

“You shouldn’t. I mean, look at this, everything is perfect now, right?” Jaehyun pointed in front of them. Ten was holding Yerim in his arms, talking with Sicheng and some other friends from work, while Doyoung and Johnny were chatting with Mark and Yuta. And he didn’t feel the suffocating feeling anymore. No matter all the unknown faces that still filled the room, or the fact that this wasn’t the plan he had in mind.

“I’m going to treat him right, even for you,” Taeyong said, his big sparkling brown eyes meeting Jaehyun’s. He still didn’t understand how Jaehyun could act like this, but he appreciated his maturity and his positivity. It felt strange, probably if he was at his place he would’ve hated himself, yet, Jaehyun didn’t.

“I know you will.” He answered smiling. He had no doubt about that.

༄

The sounds and the life of the city could be felt from the window where Sicheng was standing, the party alive behind him while he was spacing out, caught up in his emotions.

“What are you thinking about?” Jaehyun asked coming behind him, his arms wrapping around his waist, his chin resting on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“I used to sit in front of the window dreaming of a better day, every day of my life when it started to get worst. But as much as I dreamed it, it always seemed like an impossible thing to achieve.” Sicheng started to explain, throwing his head back so he could rest against Jaehyun. “Then I dried my tears and went looking for it. But I never thought it would end up being so wonderful.”

A smile appeared on Jaehyun’s lips as he held him closer.

“I used to think the divorce was the biggest failure of my life for my age and for everything I had in mind about my future. Then I discovered that there’s nothing wrong in adding a plot twist in the story you’re writing. Especially if the plot this is this beautiful.” This time the one smiling was Sicheng, as warmth spread across his chest. It felt like home, after all the broken houses he lived in, he finally found a place to call home.

“Are you,” Sicheng mumbled, his hands searching for Jaehyun’s around his waist. “ever afraid, I don’t know, that something might go wrong again?” Sicheng didn’t want to ask that to ruin the mood, but sometimes fear would always come back to haunt him. He was getting better, he started to go to therapy and could finally see the clearer picture, but he didn’t heal completely yet. And maybe knowing that Jaehyun had the same fears would calm him down.

“I am. I had spent years convinced that somebody would’ve been by my side forever and then one morning they weren’t there anymore, and the same thing happened to you. I don’t want to lose you and Renjun but I don’t even want to stain our story with fear and hold it back. I’m pretty positive about us, we make a really great family.” Jaehyun said, turning his head back to look at Renjun, who was lulling Yeri with Ten by his side, for a second and then looked back at Sicheng.

“I don’t want to make promises anymore, Cheng,” Jaehyun said, and Sicheng furrowed for a second. “But I can tell you that I want to hold your hands as we walk for a long distance keeping our pace, with no one running behind us, following our path. And I hope that when it turns to grey, or it rains, we don’t run away but we will keep looking for a better place, a better version of us. I don’t want to promise you anything, but I hope I can be the one that wipes your tears and hears you laugh for a long time.” The sincerity in Jaehyun’s warm voice made Sicheng’s heart skip a beat. As if he was wonderstruck he finally realized everything was real. After all, somebody was willing to spend forever by his side, and also take care of Renjun. In all the chaos of this big world, in the thousands of souls that walked the heart, and all their heartbeats, Sicheng had found his missing puzzle piece.

A hot tear streamed down his face as his eyes locked into Jaehyun’s, making extra sure that he was standing right in front of him and he wasn’t just another of his beautiful dreams.

“Do you like this idea?” Jaehyun asked. He didn’t want to use the word ‘plan’ anymore, he prefered ideas, so he could have fun staring at them and see how they would turn out.

Sicheng smiled, his eyes lighting up like the stars in the sky that night. “I love this idea.” And then he closed the distance between them with a kiss.

༄

“So he calls you dada,” Johnny teased walking to stand by Jaehyun’ side, his finger pointing at Renjun who had fallen asleep in Jaehyun’s arms. It was almost midnight, and the party was coming to an end, but Renjun gave up before they could finish the celebrations and Jaehyun’s arms seemed like the most comfortable place for him.

“He does.” Jaehyun smiled. And Johnny chuckled, that kind of smirk Jaehyun deciphered perfectly.

“What, Johnny? What is the lesson you have to give me, now?” He asked, rolling his eyes.

“Nothing. I was just thinking you’ve always been one of a kind.” His best friend said tilting his head to the side to have a better look of him.

“Elaborate, please.”

“A marriage, a divorce, becoming the father of a baby that’s not yours. That’s quite surreal for the perfect love story you always wanted.” Johnny explained. And before Jaehyun could talk back, taking it as an insult, he added what he really wanted to say to him. “I’m proud of you. Just wanted to let you know.” One of his arm wrapping around Jaehyun in a half hug.

And Jaehyun smiled, after whispering a small ‘thank you’ that was interrupted by cheers coming behind them. They looked at each other and then walked toward the table where everybody had gathered around. Johnny walked towards Ten who was holding his usual ‘end of the year’ speech that he always insisted to do to thank the people hat made part of his life. And Jaehyun reached Sicheng, leaving a small kiss on his forehead.

And now that he had all the people that changed his life in one room, smiling happily and cherishing each other, Jaehyun understood something important. His life definitely hadn’t been the perfect love story he always fantasized of, but that was the most beautiful part of it. And just because his initial plans didn’t work out it didn’t mean that what was waiting headed was bad. In the end, the most beautiful things that happened in his life were unexpected. He wasn’t looking for Doyoung when he found him and shared such a big slice of his life, for seven happy years. And he wasn’t looking for Sicheng and Renjun when he found them, after all the curses and cries. Jaehyun had learnt to stop crying and start to look at the past with the same smile on his face that he was reserving for the future. Because now that his eyes moved between Doyoung with his arms wrapped around Taeyong and Sicheng clenching at his side, while Renjun was still sleeping in his arms, he was more than sure, that in their history, after the great divide, there was a glorious sunrise waiting for them.

Jaehyun had loved Doyoung with every fibre of his body and he knew that Doyoung did too. He knew they had an amazing time together when they were younger. They had grown together, seen each other at their worst and their best. They had given so much to each other, and Jaehyun will never forget. And he knew that Doyoung was feeling the same. He knew it, from the way he turned around, looked for him in the crowd of people, and smiled. And they had shared so much that they didn’t need words to understand each other. Their smiles were screaming silent thank yous. Thank you for walking by my side all this time. They would’ve moved on, from then on, holding hands with somebody else, but always holding each other in their hearts.

And leavening it all behind wasn’t a bad thing, anymore.

It only meant one thing.

Finally, there was happiness, in their past and in whatever the future was holding for them.

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the-great-tiger-of-mumbai · 3 years

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This blog still active?

//TL;DR: Semi-active and a lurker more often than not. I ended up writing a fucklong essay as a response, lmao, so I’m just gonna tuck that under the Read Below.

I’m busier more often than not, and part of the inactivity with the Tiger blog is mostly because of the lack of a fuller Punch-Out!! community to interact with. I’ve tried reaching out to other fandoms, OCs, and even the Smash community, but each interaction felt so isolated and in a bubble that I end up burning my muse out quickly. This doubles when I use up prompts.

My RP style, I come to realize, works best with a thriving community that interacts with each other even if I’m absent, with constant storytelling that gives us motivations to meet up, catch up, solve problems, and feel alive. For the most part nowadays, you’ll find me RPing in WoW as a Storyteller, as not only can we RP in real time, but I can watch others interact and feel more of a community to merge into. Some years ago, the Punch-Out!! community had that--I was the resident Great Tiger, there were a handful of Macs, Joes, and Arans, we had a Don, we even had a Carmen. Folks would come to Tiger for shenanigans usually involving him being a shitlord showboat around them, or just for nice hangouts. Hell, some of the best interactions I’ve had often involved pushing Tiger into romance despite being asexual and averse to relationships, or when there was a story thread going on. Alas, not everyone can put the time and energy in RPing a thread like I do, and people run out of muse for good. And that’s perfectly fine and valid. Fads come and go, interests change, people outgrow, graduate, get work, get married, etc. Life moves on. I’m still in contact with some RP buddies and I still check out their blogs on Tumblr. Myself? I mostly lurk nowadays on other people’s RP blogs just to see how they’re doing because I still enjoy watching other people interact. And if I do actually RP, it’s likely going to be on @peppy-pilot, as the Star Fox community is still fairly thriving.

I can, however, be more active when there are people to be active with.... but frankly, I can’t RP in an isolated bubble via one-on-one threads anymore. I need a community. I want to sit at tables and watch my colleagues talk about their recent date gone back. I want to have a poker game wherein we all yell on top of our lungs over who is cheating or not. I want casual hangouts in the gym where we throw barbs at each other while sparring or just exercising. And no, I’m not talking ships and coffee dates and happy endings AU where nobody is anyone’s enemy--they feel obviously constructed, lifeless, inorganic, and frankly, boring. Most RP I see within Tumblr (so not just Punch-Out!!) are very heavily involved shipping, interactive fix-fics, and isolated incidents that go nowhere, especially AUs where continuity doesn’t matter. I’m not slamming on those who enjoy them, though. You do you. And I did enjoy them for a time. But when that is all I have for RP, then I lost interest fast as I am taken out of the element wherein I join the RP to begin with: living the life of an Indian boxer capable of magic.

There is also the fact that few people will put as much effort into how I RP and it frustrates me. I have nothing--absolutely nothing--against people who only want short, sweet, shitposty funtimes; they’re fun too. But sometimes I want something well meaning that brings genuine character development. And sometimes... people don’t care about Tiger being more than a magical handsome Hindi-speaking boxer in a turban. And that’s fine--because in the end, in Nintendo canon, that’s all he really is. Sadly, past experiences with some RP here often don’t try to explore the humanity in our interactions beyond ships and other superficial scenarios. It gets tiring.

And the same applies with my partners as well. If I’m going to interact with a Don Flamenco or an Aran Ryan, for instance, I don’t just want our interactions entirely be about Carmen, potatoes, and cheeseburgers. Give me a peek into Don’s life under Francisco Franco, or what Aran thinks about the Troubles. Give me Don’s opinions of Spain’s historical fascination of France and how it shaped Madrid today. Give me Aran’s thoughts on why he’s speaking English when he could be speaking Gaelic. No? Too hard? Too much history? Too much research to do? You just want to focus RP and interactions with Don using eyeliner and Aran having McDonald’s? Fine, go ahead, you can have your fun, I give you my blessings. But know that, in contrast, it’ll feel like my countless, countless hours of researching Sikh and Mumbaikar culture, hand and head gestures, understandings of the English language, fashion, Mumbai’s city demographics and layouts, the impact of the 1984 Sikh Massacre, and making Great Tiger a living and breathing person beyond memes would be absolutely complete waste of time.

I am not dissuading anyone from interacting with me if all you want to do is silly fun shitposty shenanigans. Those are fun, we can do it. But I will be absolutely upright and upfront in that I might get bored with that quickly, and if you panic at the idea of trying to keep up with me, just so you can have quality Great Tiger interactions, stop right there. It’s just roleplay. It’s supposed to be fun. And I am not your be-all-end-all person for all your Great Tiger needs. Don’t force yourself into something you will not enjoy. I will never forget about the time I have accidentally discouraged people from roleplay because I took the moment to tell someone that you should not mistaken turban-wearing Indians for Muslims. I am fully aware I intimidate people, but that is mostly because I’m a culture/history nerd who has been reading, writing, and creating since the 90s. I just have more experience under my belt and my RP needs are a reflection of that. If you’re absolutely new, hit me up. If you’re also experienced and want to try me out, go for it and send me an Ask or tag me in a post! If we’re not compatible, we’re not compatible, but at least we gave it a try. Discord is also an option (and a far better medium for private one-on-one RPs than Tumblr), and if you like WoW and are able to join a private server, I’m available on Freedom. As of this writing we’re currently on Legion in the Suramar arc and my main characters are a couple of draenei twins and an orc.

#that long response wasn't necessary but I feel I needed to get that off my chest #[OOC]#Anonymous

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chaoticspacefam · 3 years

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OC Music Meme

I was tagged by @raven-of-domain-kwaad , thank you! :D I shall tag (no pressure as always, only if you want to!): @mercurypilgrim , @mimabeann, @rainofaugustsith , @thelastenvoyyy , @a-master-procrastinator and anyone else who wants to do this one, yes, I promise I mean you!

Yaaay another music meme, I LOVE these, as any of my long-term followers/mutuals probably know :P Oh no, Raven what have you done! 🤣🤣

List one or more songs that relate to the following

*drags Rai and her three consecutive playlists full of songs in here and plops her down proudly* Now I’m not joking when I say combined her three playlists would run for ~10 hrs if I played them all back-to-back. Sooooo for that reason I will be trying to restrict myself to 3-4 songs per “question”, except for the last one which is annotated with an explanation there, ANYWAYS!

reminds you of them most:

Down To The Bottom - Dorothy :: This is a very new one to her playlist (discovered a few days ago), but it still vibes so well with Saarai’s attitude to love, and her need to have some sort of emotional closeness to other people, to love and be loved, or else she just doesn’t function quite right

Up The Wolves - The Mountain Goats :: This was one of Rai’s first EVER theme songs that made it onto her list as I gave the Ahaszaai the backstory that led to them becoming main characters, so it feels only right that I include it here. To me it perfectly sums up her character progression, from a frightened young woman with a lot of skeletons in her closet and no willingness to be a commander of anything or confidence that she could, to a strong and dedicated leader willing to do whatever it takes to protect the people she works with, and make sure that the person who once took it from her family will suffer the righteous justice he deserves for his actions. Oddly enough, Saarai never goes back to take over the Sith Empire as D’leah planned (in Subterfugeverse anyways), they do eventually “come home” and build something of their own with the other members of the Alliance <3

Bruno Is Orange - Hop Along :: This song is very important too. It makes me feel a lot of things and as I developed more of Saarai’s backstory and began tying everything together, it became an essential part of her backstory. This is 100% a “Saarai Song” in my brain (and I’ve had the script for that meme planned out for over a year, I’ll get to it soon :3), summing up the chaos and her own feelings on what happened with Tsâhis (and her mother and sister’s reactions to finding out about what happened, and Ty, the baby which resulted from that clusterfuck of a relationship)

Someone New - Hozier :: Kinda supplements “Down To The Bottom”, Saarai was a character who puzzled me sexuality-wise for a long time, she has a lot to unpack and a lot of nuances in her attractions, and for a long time (because it is the default for modern media) I tried to shove her in the monogamy box, except...that doesn’t work for Saarai LMAO. I remembered this song existed one day (I think it came up on Youtube shuffle or something) and it was the lightbulb that went on in my head that finally clicked and told me she was actually polyam as well (though ironically I forgot to actually put it in her playlist until @darth-bagel reminded me it existed again a few months ago LOL).

reminds another character of them:

All The Pretty Girls - KALEO :: (Sash - Zephyrverse AU) This one had a few options too, but I think this is the best song that Sash would associate with Saarai. Their relationship was slow burn, although there was near-immediate attraction there, Sash struggled with self-doubt and her own insecurities for a long time, firmly believing that Saarai would get bored of waiting for her to be “ready” to take things further and explore other options (she didn’t. They’ve been married something like 20+, nearing 30 years now, you’re stuck with her sweetie <3)

The Last of the Real Ones - Fall Out Boy :: (Lana - Subterfugeverse) “I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you, but not as much as I do.” Lana wasn’t looking for Saarai when she found her, but Lana wouldn’t have it any other way. Though Lana is a big pillar of support for Saarai, and Saarai in turn is the social “glue” that holds the Alliance together, what many people don’t realise is that the feeling is mutual and Lana relies upon her just as much. Saarai’s dependable, and trustworthy, even if sometimes she makes Lana want to roll her eyes into the ceiling because of her antics, she wouldn’t want to change her for anything, it’s that part of Saarai that she secretly loves the most because it reminds Lana that it’s okay to unwind and have fun or be silly every once in a while, especially with the people you love.

Shut Up And Dance - WALK THE MOON :: (Koth - Subterfugeverse) Koth’s relationship with Saarai took a lot longer to develop into something openly romantic because Saarai had a lot of stuff to work through before she could accept her own feelings for him, but the cantina party at the end of KOTFE was the moment that Koth realised she was comfortable with him, because it’s the first time she really opened up to him, the first time she asked him to do anything together, and the first time she didn’t flinch or jump away from him when he touched her.

reminds you of a relationship of theirs, doesn’t have to be romantic, can be paternal, friendly etc.: I’m taking that as an invitiation to do a song for each of the main ones of any kind and that means this one has like six songs because...Saarai has a lot of influencial relationships in her character arc, I’m sorry (but not really) :’)

Broken Crown - Mumford & Sons :: Saarai & D’leah (Familial, It’s Complicated). This one is probably gonna be the “controversial” song of this post but you know what I’m gonna do it anyway. Saarai and D’leah have a very complicated relationship, because on the one hand Saarai does love her mother very much in spite of the horrible things she said and did, and on the other...the last thing that she wants is to turn out like her. And sometimes, sometimes you gotta call your mom out on her toxic shit. Hey Brother - Aviici :: Saarai & Ni’kasi (Familial Love). “What if I lose it all? Oh sister, I will help you out. Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you...there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.” The “brother” part does not apply to the twins, gender-wise, but the essence of this song is undoubtedly Saarai & Ni’kasi’s relationship. When Saarai thought she had no-one else, Ni’kasi was there to pick up the pieces and get her back onto her feet. They’re ride or die till the very end, wherever Saarai leads, she knows Ni’kasi will follow her.

Son of A Gun - Lord Huron :: Saarai & Tsâhis (Romantic ”Love”, though I’mma be very clear here that he was a manipulative abusive asshole, but Saarai loved him so...quotation marks. Y’get it yeah? Good.) “Well she fell in love with that son of a gun, but he was not the man that she took him for.” This line in particular sums it up. Saarai was young, naive and a perfect target for someone like Tsâhis to take advantage of because she didn’t know any better and believed him when he said he “loved her”, only for him to pull the rug out from under her feet later on. (he got his tho, don’t worry 😈)

Youth - Glass Animals :: Saarai & Tyûk (Maternal Love). This is the closest I can find to a song that sums up their relationship, I have a lot of thoughts about it but there are very few songs (that I’ve found) that touch upon the essence of Saarai & Ty’s relationship. D’leah chose to blame Ty for his father’s actions, Saarai chose the opposite. She chose to love him in spite of what his father had done to her, and to make sure he grew up feeling safe, loved, and learnt to be better than that.

Curses - The Crane Wives :: Saarai/Sash (Romantic Love) Both Saarai and Sash have had difficult pasts, with a lot of emotional trauma, and they both had hurdles they had to overcome in order for their relationship to truly work and stay healthy. But with each others’ support, they’ve managed it and are all the closer for it. If you asked either of them where “home” was, they’d say the other’s name.

Sorry I Stole Your Girlfriend - Stereo Skyline :: Saarai/Lana/Koth (Romantic Love). Okay, I really really wanted to pick a more serious song from their playlist for them, BUT....this song is the song that started this ship in my brain so here we are. LMAO Originally, this popped into my brain as an idea of Saarai’s response to Koth’s attempt at getting between them in that scene of KOTFE on the Gravestone. Koth and Saarai’s moral compasses are very similar and I wanted them to sit down and have a proper, healthy discussion about their feelings instead of becoming enemies and sort of agreeing not to hold a grudge against each other, though I didn’t expect for that piece to get away from me and for Saarai to end up developing feelings for Koth too, I can’t say I’m unhappy with it. I love them and I will fight anyone who tells me I can’t make them an OT3, I can, I will, and I have. >:) (Healthy Polyam Good, Love Triangles Are Fucking Stupid (tm). No I am not taking criticism on this lmao) Though Saarai & Koth’s relationship isn’t sexual in any way, they love each other just as much as they love Lana, just express it differently. So even though the snideness of this song doesn’t really apply to them, I kept it in their playlist and it also became their ship name because it was too good to pass up, though “Stole” is in inverted commas as it’s definitely more of an inside joke between the three of them than actually seriously accusing them of stealing each others’ girlfriend. 🤣 (as always, Saarai & Koth thinks it’s hilarious, Lana rolls her eyes at the stupid pun but also secretly thinks it’s funny as hell)

#swtor #star wars: the old republic #swtor OCs #tagged meme #OC music meme #swtor oc: saarai ahaszaai #sith pureblood #the outlander #LS! eternal empress #subterfugeverse #ot3: sorry i ''stole'' your girlfriend #saarai/lana/koth #saarai x tsâhis #zephyrverse au #saarai/sash #the ahaszaai twins #the sith twins #yes i have written down a lot of stuff regarding the ot3's relationship and how it developed etc #one day i will throw them out into the world when i feel like they're ready #but they're not ready yet so sorry y'all you gotta wait #but trust me when i say this is very elaborately planned out #LMAO #[banging pots and pans] they're. poly. and. in. love. fucking. deal. with. it. or. leave #my ships my rules #complicated mother daughter relationships are complicated #projection? i don't know her #no sir #tw: manipulation #tw: abusive relationship

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angelaiswriting · 4 years

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The Assistant (14 of ?) | Vladimir Ranskahov x fem!reader

[original picture found on: pinterest]

✏️ Pairings:

(almost official) Vladimir Ranskahov x fem!reader

Anatoly Ranskahov x OC (Paulina)

✏️ Requested by @kellydixon01 : Y/N–hacker, big mouth, even bigger attitude–is the new addition to Fisk’s team. Sent to help the Ranskahovs, she immediately gets on Vladimir’s nerves. But as time passes, they start to take a liking to each other, even if none of them is willing to admit their feelings. Yet.

✏️ Previously on The Assistant (aka I’m shit at updating): Y/N returns home after having spent some painful days in Wesley’s hands and finds Vladimir waiting for her. He unexpectedly takes care of her, gives her a safe place to stay (’just so that he can keep an eye on her’), and as a consequence, they find themselves slowly growing fonder of and closer to each other.

✏️ A/N: sorry it took me one year to update :) many thanks to Alice for the great ideas that helped inspire me again! 💛 more weird things are coming, I don’t even know what this story is aymore lmao we going from serious to crack in the matter of one chapter my homies

✏️ Warnings: nothing, just some stubbornness on Vlad’s part, mentions of terrible singing, fluff with hand holding !!! and a surreal situation with an old friend.

✏️ Word-count: 4,577

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: ULYANA

Days turned into weeks much quicker than he would have ever thought but the truth was, Vladimir enjoyed Y/N’s presence in his apartment. He had even caught himself calling it ‘home’ once or twice – never out loud, of course, always in his mind, but it was in there that it bore more meaning.

She had unofficially moved in with him – just so that I can keep an eye on her, he had told his brother, but both Vlad and Toly knew that the former would never manage to close his eyes long enough to have a good night’s sleep if he had to add her to his list of worries and responsibilities. She had moved in with him and suddenly the walls of his apartment had stopped closing in on him, and the shadows had turned a tad bit lighter, his demons a bit paler.

He had only ever lived with his brother – even before America, when their life had still been in Moscow and he had a girlfriend to call the love of his life. It had been him and Toly; it had always been the two of them ever since their mother had died and they had been left alone in this world. So now he wasn’t used to it – wasn’t used to sharing living spaces and taking turns for his morning shower; wasn’t used to helping someone prepare breakfast in the silence of the kitchen, and he was still learning how to use Netflix. But it had taken him less than he thought it would take, to get used to someone else’s rhythms.

It will only be for few weeks, he had told her at the beginning, on that Monday morning of almost two months ago. After that, he’d send her away to his enemy-friend in Russia, where she’d hopefully be safe, but Vladimir had yet to take that step forward. He hadn’t picked up the phone, nor had he sent an email to one of the men he still had back home to see if Sokolovsky still had an eye on the former kings of the Capital. He simply hadn’t reached out and the plan he should have given shape to still remained confused and untouched, its silhouette still vague in his mind.

The reason behind that was probably the fact that living with her felt easy. Easy and comfortable, almost homely in a way, and he found himself allowing her that very benefit of the doubt he had never truly graced her with before she had gone missing for three days straight.

He never told her these things, of course. He kept them locked inside his mind and his heart, and part of him foolishly hoped that she would pick up on them on her own. That she would look at him one morning, looked right into his eyes, and see something that would light up a lightbulb inside her head. Almost like a cartoonish a-ha! moment, that’s what he hoped for, and he was ashamed of it every single time his thoughts stopped on that. That would be the easier way, and he wouldn’t have to open up to let her in, for she would see and crawl her way to the center of his soul without him being able to stop her.

But then they had started going back to work, back to the garage, and he had found himself opening up a lot more easily than anticipated. There was no more screaming nor fighting coming from his office, and he had even given her permission to use his desk when he wasn’t there.

Little by little, he had let that whatever-this-is feeling he harbored for her consume the weld joints of his armor. A joke thrown his way just before she left with Petya to go to lunch; a cheesy punchline chuckled in the silence of his office when he least expected for her to open her mouth; and then all those Friday nights out at some bar that had somehow become a tradition.

“This job is starting to get boring.”

She dropped down into the chair in front of his desk, laptop abandoned on the new leather couch he had bought a few days after she had shown up again – it was time I threw old one away, that had been his excuse, but deep down he knew he had done all that for her. He had even gone that one step forward and bought her a nice coffee table – and then one of those fancy trays with legs he still didn’t know the name of, just so that she could keep her laptop in her lap without actually burning her thighs. A new desk would have probably been the best solution, but in his mind that meant admitting to everyone that he was doing something for someone else, someone that wasn’t family nor business, and… Well, he just wasn’t ready. What he really wasn’t ready for, though, was for her to understand. And that truly went against all the silly hopes he had, but he was scared, and while Tanya wasn’t on his mind that often anymore, he didn’t want to fuck up –or to get fucked up by yet another person.

“What do you want me to do?” His groan was just a bluff, a way to pretend like he was still the same Vladimir that had welcomed her – if so one could say – on her very first day at the garage. “Give you time off?”

She picked up a pen from his pencil holder and twisted it between her fingers. “I don’t like doing taxes, that’s not part of my job.”

He chuckled for a moment before he covered it with a cough. “Aslan is helping Sergei prepare for the trip, and others barely know any math.”

When all his words were met with was a huff, he dared a quick peek above the frame of his laptop and found her already staring at him. She had taken her glasses off, but still had the indentations of the bridge on the sides of her nose.

“It’s almost time to go clock out,” she pointed out, tapping the pencil on the top of his computer. “Everyone’s already gone home… You’re the boss, we could be leaving whenever you want.”

His right eyebrow rose in an amused expression, and he had to swallow down that chuckle that was threatening to come up again. What was it about her that had this effect on him? And why was he only now embracing it? Inside, he was burning with the desire to cave in and let her win, go home – home – and watch TV, maybe order pizza or Chinese. But a new meeting with Fisk’s man was coming up and soon both Aslan and Sergei would leave for a business trip to Florida, and he was behind on his schedule.

“I can’t.” He offered her a weak shoulder shrug before hinting at the couch with his chin. “But you can call it a day if you want. I have to-”

But she pushed the lid of his laptop down until it closed. “You have to do nothing. I saw what you’re doing and what you have already done. You’re good, Vlad, you can finish early today. When was the last time you took it easy?”

They stared at each other, and he truly did his best to not look away. The truth was, he didn’t know when that was. Sure, he had taken some time off when she had come back beaten and battered, and when she had moved in with him, on the other side of the corridor from her own apartment, and he had stayed home with her. But he had still been busy – busy with her and with his anger, and then the drinking and the kissing… It hadn’t been pure rest; he wasn’t even sure he knew what that was.

“We can’t afford mistakes if we want to fool weasel,” he frowned, a hand moving over his computer to open it again, but hers was still pressing it down.

She chuckled – both at his choice of that word and at the despise in his voice. “One day off won’t kill you, come on.”

He never pushed her as much as he had used to before the accident, but she still looked drained that day, even despite that playful façade she had put up. So, he ended up caving in. It was weird, to feel allowed to do something, take it easy – and for himself, not someone else. He didn’t need anybody’s permission to do anything – or to not do something – but it was almost as though part of the weight he carried on his shoulders had been lifted off of him.

“It’s Friday anyway,” she reminded him as she put her things in his car, a few minutes later, and he found himself grinning behind her, safe in the knowledge that she couldn’t see him.

Friday meant booze and bars, and it was thanks to them that he had gotten to know her better and she… well, he did try opening up a bit more, and alcohol surely helped. But it was one thing to spend all week thinking about spending time with her, doing something normal, civilized people did, and it was another to realize that she was looking forward to those nights probably just as much as he.

“Maybe we could reach the others,” he proposed in the spur of the moment, before he had the time to truly think his proposal over, his brother’s invitation still fresh in his mind. “Just for this once,” he quickly added, but she was already turning toward him with a bright smile on her face.

Vladimir had vague memories about the night before. Sergei and the guys had gotten him absolutely hammered, but he was fairly sure he remembered Piotr howling something vaguely similar to We didn’t think you two lovebirds would make it when he and Y/N had shown up at Anatoly’s place. The only thing he was sure of, when he woke up above his blankets and still dressed in his now-crumpled suit, was that there was no way in both heaven and hell that he had driven himself and his girl back home.

“Are you still alive?” came a drowsy voice from the corridor.

When he twisted his head to the side, she was standing there, just like that night of many weeks ago, leaning against the frame of the door. She had just gotten out of the shower, he noticed when he managed to take in her wet hair still dripping droplets of water onto her shirt.

He heaved a sigh, a noisy one, straight out of his nose, but he couldn’t bring himself to open his mouth and give her an actual answer. Too laced with sleep and grogginess, he just laid there, and somehow, whatever that entailed, in his mind he felt like a fish.

“I’ll take that groan as a yes. Coffee will be ready in a few if this headache doesn’t take me out before I reach the kitchen and the pills.”

It was ten minutes later, when he was finishing getting dressed, that his brother knocked on his bedroom door and almost scared the crap out of him. For the first time in forever, his heart jumped up in his throat and as he whipped around, he almost tripped in his own feet.

“What the fuck, Tolik?” he groaned, Russian scorching and angry in his mouth as he tied the drawstrings of his sweatpants.

Good morning to you as well was the answer he got as he stared as his brother walked forward and sat on his bed. “The living room is messy,” Anatoly pointed out matter-of-factly as he looked around in the room and put the keys to his brother’s apartment back into the pocket of his jacket. “I didn’t even know you had books somewhere.”

Vlad’s brows furrowed. “Did you come to criticize my apartment?”

The other shrugged. “So, did you tell her?” he grinned – a big ass grin that went from ear to ear and that threw uneasiness on Vladimir like a bucket of cold water on the head. “Y/N,” he added when his brother grimaced in annoyance and confusion.

“Tell her what?” He feigned ignorance, and not because he was trying to play coy, but more because he wanted to avoid talking about feelings with his brother. It didn’t matter that he found himself calling him in the dead of night, with a closed-up throat and confusion thrashing his mind as he tried to figure out what, exactly, was making him feel the way he felt.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Vova. Even the guys are starting to notice.”

So maybe his memory of Piotr yelling lovebirds in his brother’s living room wasn’t a faulty memory. The possibility that that had actually happened stopped his mind from working for a moment. “Notice what?”

Really? was saying the look on Anatoly’s face. He stared at him, chuckled to himself, and then he stood up to close the distance between them. With his brother’s hands cupping his face, he felt like a child again. “You took two weeks off of work, that never happened, not even back in Moscow. And they all know you spent them in here with her. Then,” he went on, hands now leaving his face, “you made her workstation a bit more comfortable: new couch, new coffee table, even a new tray table for her laptop. That’s all new, and I have to agree with them in saying so.”

“You didn’t tell them…”

“About you calling me after midnight, trying not to cry because you had been kissing her and you were scared because you enjoyed it?” Anatoly scoffed, and then he scoffed once more at Vladimir’s annoyed expression. “Why would I? I’m your brother, and you’re your own person. You’re old enough to take care of yourself.”

A faint okay was Vladimir’s answer, heart beating wildly inside his chest. His gaze wandered back to the hallway, hoping and praying that she wasn’t there, whether it was accidentally or not.

“You dueted Can’t Help Falling In Love yesterday.”

His head turned back to Toly so fast that he got whiplash and for a moment, a brief second, he risked losing his balance. “What?”

“It was terrible, Paulina was still laughing when I left this morning. Drunk karaoke is not for you – for neither of you. And if you didn’t end up going at it on my living room floor, someone up there truly is looking down on us,” he chuckled. “Everybody was probably too drunk to remember about that this morning, so don’t worry. What you should worry about, though, is telling her.”

It wasn’t like his brother was wrong and he was right when it came to swallowing down anything that got thrown his way – both the blessings and the curses. It was more of a matter of pride, it didn’t matter that he did call Anatoly in almost-tears more than once when he should have been fast asleep. It was also his business, and it wasn’t like it interfered with his job: he still slaved off, he still put his ass on that chair and did what he had to do. The only thing he hadn’t done was pick up the phone and call Sokolovsky, but that was because he didn’t really need him, because he was more than capable of taking care of her, of keeping her safe.

Most of the time, that was.

“Did you come to talk about my feelings?” He wasn’t on the verge of losing his cool, but he did want his brother and his accusations out of his bedroom.

“No,” was the reply. “Your feelings are your own, but it sure does hurt me to see my brother choosing pain over happiness over and over again.”

“I am happy.”

“Yes, for now. But then what? When pretending like you don’t feel anything won’t be enough anymore, what then? You’ll close up again, kick her out?” One of Anatoly’s hands covered his cheek and again, it was like being back home, and it was his mother’s hand the one on his face, warm and homely and safe, distracting his thoughts from whatever his father had been throwing at them that day. “I love you, brother. I always will, even if we have our own lives outside of the garage. And the last thing I want,” he sighed, “is going back to my woman and have her rant about the both of you being too stupid and blind to hold each other’s hand in public.”

Vlad frowned, his head tilting back a bit as he stared at his brother in disbelief.

“I’m kidding. But I do love you and I do want you happy. I don’t know what goes on in that thick skull of yours anymore, but I know what you’re doing to yourself. She won’t eat you alive, she won’t laugh in your face. If anything, after the terrible singing you both did last night, I think she might cry happy tears.”

He removed his brother’s hand from his face and took a step back. “I’ll ask again: Did you come to talk about my feelings for Y/N?”

Instead of saying So you do have feelings for her – because that was what he could read on his face – Tolik sighed in surrender before lifting his gaze to the ceiling for a moment. “No,” he eventually groaned. “Ulyana called. The sink in her bathroom keeps on leaking and she needs help.”

“So? Do you need my permission to go?”

“Fuck off, mudak.” He read disbelief in his brother’s eyes – disbelief more than annoyance at his petty ass. “She hasn’t seen you in months, she’s worried. After all she did for us, you up and leave? She asked explicitly for you, Vova. Just go, fix what needs to be fixed and spend some time with her – she hasn’t gone to bingo afternoons in forever.”

Ulyana had been like a mother and a grandmother all in one, back when he and Anatoly had first arrived in New York with barely anything in their suitcases. They had left everything behind, but had found a friend and ally in her. She had helped them – probably more than she should have – and they had reached their current position also thanks to the goodness of her heart. Ulyana’s tiny apartment felt and smelled like home, like a Russia they’ll probably never live again. Like home and hopes and all kinds of promises, shining under the sun.

It did make him feel bad, facing the accusations of abandoning Lina to her fate just because he had relapsed into something he didn’t want to give a name to. It was like a stab wound to the heart, and his heart didn’t ache just for anybody. She had become more of his responsibility when Tolya and Paulina had gotten together and he had been happy, for a while. But then his demons had got strong again, drawn the curtains of his mind, and even Ulyana’s place had turned dark and cold, and he had felt like there was no more space for him there.

“I’m serious, Vlad: you have to go. Take Y/N with you if you have to, but if I get a call from her, saying that you didn’t show up…”

He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw, and those three seconds felt longer than three hours as he stood there, under his brother’s accusatory gaze. “Fine, yes, I’ll go.”

The drive to Ulyana’s housing block was long and silent, stretched out even more by the crazy Saturday afternoon traffic. Y/N had yet to ask her usual bunch of questions about what they were going to do and where, exactly, they were going to do it. It was a blessing because he was sure that Ulya was his best-kept secret – after what she had done for him and his brother, without ever expecting anything in return, keeping her out of any kind of trouble was the least he could do.

But he hadn’t visited her in forever, so, whether his actions had managed to get the FBI to knock on her door or not, she was still going to be pissed. In her own way, that is – without violence nor harsh words, and that was truly something he had never been used to.

When they eventually arrived at their destination and he stopped the car in Ulyana’s unused parking lot, for her husband had died twenty years or so ago, he turned in his seat to look at Y/N, suddenly nervous about what he was about to do. It felt almost like a leap of faith, opening up about such a secret to someone like her. That was where that stupid ‘benefit of the doubt’ kicked in, even though, deep down, he had already started to trust her long before that day.

“What’s up?” she asked as she unlocked her seat belt and looked out of the windshield to try and understand why he was still in the car.

He couldn’t read her expression with those shades she was wearing, her sight still sore and sensitive, for her headache was still there, even if a lot lighter compared to what had almost cracked her head open just that morning. It was probably for the best, that he couldn’t look at her in the eye; it was like he wasn’t facing her at all, and it gave him the illusion that he wasn’t exactly spilling some beans, somehow.

“We’re going to meet someone,” he started, hands still gripping the steering wheel. “She is… my friend. I’m sure you know nothing about her.”

Y/N lifted her sunglasses up, looked at him through squinted eyes, before turning towards him with her whole body on the seat. “I know nothing about… who?”

“You will see,” he replied after a moment of indecision, torn as he was between telling her now or introducing her to the old woman when she would welcome them into her home. “It has to remain this way, though. A secret. It won’t end up in one of your files,” he added, hinting back at the files she had put together about him and his brother and Tatyana and everyone back at the garage, and had then shown him a few weeks back.

“Do you want me to pinky promise that?” she chuckled, but he knew that she was serious, only trying to downplay and lighten the atmosphere in the car to put him at ease.

He scoffed at that and simply opened his car door. “Let’s go.”

Inside, the building was a bit more run-down than he remembered it to be from the last time he stepped foot in it. The ceiling lamp in the entrance, a closed space with only the glass door as a source of light, wasn’t working when they walked in, and the staircase had a gloomy look to it when they walked up the steps.

Behind him, he could feel Y/N’s gaze drilling holes in the back of his head, but there was nothing he could do. There was also no need to do anything right now, when she’d see who this whole thing was about in a matter of minutes and judge the whole situation by herself.

“Ulyana Filimonova,” she read the oval plaque right above the peephole when he rang the bell. “Who’s this? I didn’t know you-”

But the door opened and an old lady, shorter than her by a whole head, stared Vladimir down to the ground with an accusatory gaze and a wooden spoon in her hand that, judging by the look in her eyes, she wasn’t scared to use as a weapon.

“Vladimir Borisovich! Where have you been?” Her voice was high and indignant as she spat angry English like it were bullets. But then her gaze landed on Y/N, standing half-shocked, half-amused on Vladimir’s left, and she stared at her with parted lips for a moment before she grinned, the look in her eyes melting away and fading into unexpected happiness. “Ah, finally a girlfriend!” she exclaimed, making Vladimir choke on his spit. “I was getting worried, my boy! But that’s good. I always said you need a softer touch in your life, da?”

Sputtering, Vladimir was about to protest when ‘the girlfriend’ tugged harshly on his hand and gave him a look.

“It’s so nice to meet you, Miss!” she smiled, stretching her hand out to introduce herself.

Ulyana was still talking when she moved to the side to let them in – first Vlad and then Y/N, whose arm she took in hers right after closing the door. “No ‘Miss’ around here,” she joked. “I’ve been happily married for almost forty years and even though my Shura is long gone, I still carry rings around my neck,” and she pulled out the chain from underneath her flowery blouse. “But please, get comfortable, I’ll go put on some tea!” she smiled, accompanying them into a tiny but tidy living room and showing them the two-seat couch. “Vlad never brought anyone home, it’s nice to be finally meeting his love!” And with those words, she left in a hurry.

“Who the hell is this woman?” Y/N whispered when she turned to look at Vladimir, sitting as stiff as a pole next to her. “This is the most surreal situation I’ve ever lived so far.”

“She…” He cleared his throat, still confused as to why Lina thought Y/N was his girlfriend of sorts. Maybe girl friend, with that tiny space in its middle, could be considered correct, but there was definitely no relationship between them – not yet, at least. “She helped me and Toly when we arrived. We used to live two doors down the corridor. She taught us better English.”

She nodded. “I’m surprised you managed to keep her off the records. I’m surely not the best at my job, but I consider myself good enough, and I never got a whiff of her.” She paused for a moment and Vladimir did his best not to look at her, but only spied her expressions from the corner of his eye. “Why does she think I’m your girlfriend?” she asked then, voice soft and almost shy, as she threw a glance in the direction the old woman had disappeared into.

Vladimir sighed, eyes rolling of their own accord as he relaxed against the back of the couch, his shoulder pressing right against hers. “She’s always thought I needed woman in my life. She says that ‘I’m too rough around edges,’ that I need someone to show me the good side of things.” He turned his head, then, and instead of meeting a look that mirrored his, he found her smiling softly at him, almost too lost in her thoughts to pay any attention to him.

“It would be a pity if she found out that we’re not… Y’know, a thing,” she reasoned out loud, taking his hand in hers just a few seconds before Ulyana came back with a box of Danish biscuits.

God bless Ulyana I guess! 🤷🏻‍♀️

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