#I mean. I always am but like. more so today than usual lmao

[byanyan]

one of the most satisfying feelings in the world to byan is kicking the asses of grown men while wearing a skirt

#a very powerful feeling. especially when said fight is led up to with mockery #god they just love destroying men in general but if they can make them feel emasculated in the process it's so much sweeter #it's a man's own damn fault if he takes more insult from having his ass handed to him by someone dressed in feminine clothing #and it's so delicious to watch him crawl away while trying to make pathetic excuses for himself :) #.......hi I'm having a lot of feelings about byan and gender today #I mean. I always am but like. more so today than usual lmao #got some cleaning to do but hopefully I'll be on to do some stuff after ✌️ #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Just Take It | Jeon Jungkook | Part One

Summary: Some of your closest friends betray you and somehow push you into the arms of someone unsuspected. Pairing: Inexperienced f!reader x Best Friend's Dad Jungkook (20 year age gap) Word Count: 5.7k Warnings: Mentions of cheating resulting in pregnancy and explicit language...I think that's it lol (Barely edited per usual lmao) a/n: You guys seemed really excited for this fic so I'm gonna make it a miniseries since even the poll results were so close so anyways I hope you enjoy! Requested by the lovely @kkusadmirer 💜

"Is everything ready?" I ask my best friend Jina for the hundredth time today. "Yes y/n calm down. This party is going to be perfect don't worry" she says with a smile that doesn't reach her eyes, making me even more apprehensive but decide it's best to just take her for her word instead of digging deeper. 

"You're right, I should probably just go back upstairs and get ready huh?" I say and start heading upstairs to take the curlers out of my hair and finish up my makeup in her old bedroom. "Let me know if you need help, I'll just be putting the finishing touches on everything in the meantime" she calls after me and I respond with a quick 'okay' before running up the rest of the steps I had been ascending.

I walk down the hallway lost in thought and am stopped in my tracks when I find myself bumping into someone, almost falling over but he luckily catches me before I even have a chance to stumble back more than a few steps. 

"Careful there" he teases and I look up and apologize immediately. "I'm sorry Mr. Jeon I wasn't watching where I was going" I say quickly and he smiles at my flustered state. "It's okay darling don't worry about it" he says in a deep tone that has always gotten to me. I take a quick step back to create some much needed distance and to cover up the awkwardness that had settled in. 

"Thank you again for letting us hold our engagement party in your home. Are you sure you still don't mind?" I ask him as well for the hundredth time as if we had time to change things with mine and my fiancé's relatives already on the way. 

"Y/n if I minded I would've said no a long time ago. Don't worry, I'd do anything for you, since you and Jared have been such amazing friends to my daughter. It truly means more to me than you know" he says placing his hand on my bicep to aide in showing his sincerity. 

"Of course Mr. Jeon. Moving to a new state in the middle of your Sophomore year of  college has gotta be difficult for anyone so I'm just happy we could be there for her" I say smiling up at him. He stares at me for a second, studying my features before breaking out of the slight trace he had caught himself in to continue the conversation. 

"I'm sorry you're probably wanting to finish getting ready and I'm holding you up" he says taking his hand off of me and stepping aside so I can walk down the hallway to my intended destination. 

"Don't worry about it. We've got plenty of time as it is so I'm in no rush. Thanks again Mr Jeon" I say, quickly wrapping up the conversation and walk into Jina's room. Before I'm able to close the door though he makes it a point to remind me of something I've always forgotten.

"Haven't we agreed upon calling me Jungkook? Mr. Jeon makes me feel so old" he teases and we both laugh at his words. "Thank you, Jungkook" I say and he smiles, satisfied with the change. "You're welcome" he replies with an heir of sensuality that leaves my brain buzzing and I close the door before either of us has the chance to say another word. 

He's always made me nervous but why does today feel different? It's not like his playful nature is anything new. He's acted like this since the first day I met him and when I had brought it up to Jina she just said he was being friendly so I never really gave it a second thought. 

There's no denying he's a handsome man and from what I can tell him and his ex wife had Jina when they were quite young so he's not anywhere near old enough to make it seem a bit strange but I tend to just deal with the butterflies by ignoring them as much as I can. 

He makes sure to be respectful when Jared's around and he hasn't crossed any lines to my knowledge so I don't mind it. It makes me feel confident more than anything and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. 

I shake off those thoughts and finish getting ready before I start to panic about being late and end up finishing up a lot sooner than I had planned and as I'm putting on my heels I hear a faint knock at the door. 

"Come in" I call out and my fiancé pops his head in from behind the door. "Aw I thought I would catch you while you were changing" he says with a fake pout leaving me smiling and shaking my head at him. "You'll get to do that plenty of times once we're married you pervert" I tease and he scoffs playfully. 

"You know, now that I think about it I kind of am a pervert aren't I?" he says while stalking towards me, making my breath hitch and my adrenaline start pumping but I have to tell myself to calm down before I do anything stupid. "After the wedding I warn and he backs off like he always does.

I smile and get up from the bed I had been sitting on and give him a quick kiss but he holds onto the back of my neck, keeping me there for a little while longer and deepening the kiss. "You look gorgeous" he whispers against my lips and I smile before giving him a quick peck and pulling back to look at him.

"You don't look half bad yourself" I taunt and he scoffs before granting me a sarcastic 'thank you'. "I'm kidding baby you look handsome as always" I say and he smiles at that and places a quick kiss on my cheek before taking my hand and leading me downstairs to where we're met with a few of our family and friends having already arrived. 

"You should've told me they were here sooner" I whisper to him while I wave at them as we walk downstairs. "I didn't want to rush you" he replies, giving my hand a gentle squeeze leaving my heart fluttering at how thoughtful he had been.

"Thank you love" I say looking at him as if he's the only one I need. "For what?" he chuckles, studying my features almost as if he's committing them to memory. "For wanting to marry me" I say and he laughs at my cute sentiment. "Thank you for saying yes" he replies and at that we start mingling together throughout the crowd and thanking everyone for coming. 

~~~~~

We part ways after a few more groups of people come in and around the time we're going to bring out the champagne I start to look around to see if I can find him so we can both be ready to make a toast once everyone's gotten a glass.

As I look around and ask a few people where he might be they point toward the far end of the house where not many people had wandered to and so I curiously make my way over to the room I had assumed he would be in but before I'm even able to put my hand on the door I hear the voices of not only Jared but Jina as well. 

"We have to tell her" I hear her say and stop short, my heartbeat immediately raising as I hold my breath, waiting for the response. "You told me you were on the pill though. How did this happen?" and at that my heart breaks. "I don't know I guess I forgot to take a couple of them and-" "And so what? You decided that screwing me without protection would work out just fine? Fuck Jina" Jared cuts her off and I hold my hand over my mouth to stop the sobs that I know are sure to come. 

"You were the one that said you wanted to stop using them" she defends. "Oh and so now it's my fault. Jina we both agreed to that and you know it" he says and at that the room falls silent for a moment before he speaks up again.

"What are we gonna do?" he mumbles, leaving the choice in her hands. "We need to tell her because I'm not getting rid of this baby. I don't care if you're going to be in our kid's life or not but either way we're telling her" she says, standing firm on what she thinks is right. 'She should've thought about that before she started fucking my boyfriend' I think to myself and wait for the conversation to continue.

"She deserves to know" she says in a hushed tone and they both agree moments later that they'll tell me after the party to avoid both of our families catching wind of it and at that I walk away as quietly as I can, heading to the bathroom across the house to collect myself before I even try to face anyone. 

'How the fuck could they do this to me? How could they do this to us? Did everything the three of us did together really not matter? All of this love that I gave Jared and he gave me made me feel like we were gonna last forever but I guess my wants and needs weren't enough for him. He wanted what he wanted and found that in my best fucking friend. 

I chuckle dryly at that thought and how ironic it sounds at the moment. The wants to avoid the drama of the rest of the family knowing? Well they don't have that kind of luxury anymore. 

I collect myself a few moments later and make my way out of the bathroom to intermingle again until I happen upon my soon to be ex fiancé in the crowd. 

"Hey honey" I say and I can see him trying to hold back the guilt at my words and I hold back from ripping his head off for the sake of what I'm about to do. "Should we go ahead and bring out the champagne and make a toast?" I ask and he nods his head agreeing wordlessly. 

"Great I'll ask Jina to help us out" I say and I can see how stiff his whole body becomes after I mention her name and he laughs it off and walks closer to me and I hold out my hand for him and guide us both over to where we've placed everything for the toasts. 

~~~~

"Does everyone have a glass?" I call out and everyone says yes and Jina makes her way around, filling everyone's glasses but her own. "Okay great Jina go ahead and grab a glass and then if you guys don't mind we'd like to pose a toast!" I say and everyone places their full attention on both Jared and I who are standing side by side. 

I watch as Jina tentatively fills her glass half full knowing full well that she won't be drinking any of that but I singled her out as a way to make her even more uncomfortable. Serves her right honestly but it's only just begun. 

"Okay everyone, firsts things first I would just like to thank all of you for coming. It is just so wonderful we could all gather here together and the fact that you all made the effort to come and celebrate Jared and I is just something that I won't ever forget so thank you again from the bottom of my heart" I say and hear murmurs of 'You're welcome's and 'Thank you for inviting us' throughout the crowd and I continue on after those die down.

"Another person I would like to thank would be my best friend who I couldn't have any of this without her including being able to host this party in her's and her father's wonderful home so thank you both for that" I continue and I look for Jungkook in the crowd and see him raising his glass to me and I turn my attention to Jina moments later and see the forced smile on her face and I smile back at her and take a deep breath before continuing. 

"You know Jina has been such a great friend to both Jared and I and the countless memories we've made together are something that I'll always hold close to my heart. One memory in particular is one that I think we'll all remember for the rest of our lives is one that I would like to share with you all" I say and I watch as Jared and Jina make nervous glances at each other but I hear the room fill with words mentioning how cute our friendship is and how it's nice to have close friends that get along. Oh boy they're about to know just how well we all get along. 

"This one actually just happened not too long ago, in fact it was just today wasn't it guys?" I say making eye contact with the both of them and I can see as both of them realize that they've been caught. 

"Yeah it's funny I was looking for Jared not too long ago to try to find where he had scurried off to and low and behold I found him and Jina having a cute little chat together just over there" I say and motion to the secluded part of the house where they had been and I see the crowd go from happy to confused. 

"They had been talking about how they had a surprise and they needed to tell me after the party but I figured that I would just give them an opportunity to say it now so all of us can hear it together. Would you guys like to share it with everyone?" I ask the two of them and wait a few moments before Jared tries to shut me down. 

"I think that's probably a conversation we should have in private right Jina?" Jared says, pleading with her to back him up. "Oh are you guys too shy? Don't worry I can say it" I counter, brushing him off. "Y/n I don't really think that's necessary" Jina now tries to reason with me but I'm way too far gone by now.

"Why not? Doesn't everyone deserve to know that you're pregnant" I say, pausing for the rest of the family to smile at the surprise and some of them start to congratulate her but before they can get too far I continue on. 

"Yeah she's pregnant with Jared's baby! Isn't that so sweet?" I say and at that point the room goes so silent you would hear a pin drop and I break it by continuing to rub salt into the wound. 

"I know right? It's so crazy isn't it? It was a surprise to me too. Congratulations to the both of you" I say and down my drink while they stand there speechless as does the rest of the crowd. 

"So yeah anyways thank you all so much for coming and get home safe!" I say and make an exit into the backyard while Jared and Jina chase after me. 

"Y/n, y/n wait. Please" Jina calls after me first, following as I make my way over to the clearing behind the house and away from prying eyes. "Why should I wait huh? It's not like you waited and thought 'Hey maybe it's not the best idea to be raw doggin my best friend's boy friend' or were you guys still fucking by the time you asked me to marry you?" I ask the two of them and they both just stand there in silence. 

"You know what, you guys are perfect for each other. The whore I thought was my best friend and the whore who chased after her because neither of you could keep it in your pants. Thanks a lot, have a nice life" I say and storm off into the small clearing behind Jungkook's house, praying they won't follow me. 

"Oh and another thing" I say before walking too far, "I'm keeping the ring to compensate for emotional damage you bastard" I spit at my ex and his jaw drops, never having heard words like that come out of my mouth ever let alone directed at him. 

"Baby wait I can explain" he says trying a pathetic excuse of trying to get me to get him to hear him out. "Pretty sure I heard everything I needed to hear when you were having your little rendezvous earlier" I say, fully admitting to listening in on their conversation. 

"If I never see either of you again it'll be too soon" I say and continue on into the clearing, walking just far enough to be out of their view. "We really fucked up didn't we?" I hear Jina say and soon hear Jared scoff in return. "We fucked up? No you fucked up! You should've been more responsible" he throws back at her and storms off. "What the fuck Jared don't you dare walk away from me" she yells and chases after him, following him back into the house. 

After taking a few deep breaths and convincing myself over and over again that this is for the best and I'm better off without them I slowly make my way back into the yard and sit on the bench that's furthest away from everything, hoping no one finds me out here. Luckily it does the trick and I'm able to avoid facing anyone from the party and soon hear all of their cars leaving and the place falls silent. 

"They're all gone now if you want to come inside" Jungkook says, walking over to me tentatively, making sure he doesn't do something to make me run off. I look up at him with a tear streaked face and try to smile but ultimately end up hanging my head, hiding what little emotions I've let myself show and he walks over and sits on the far side of the bench I'm on. He doesn't say anything, he just sits with me and lets me ride the wave of emotions I'm feeling but also letting me know he's there if I need him.

I let out a few shaky breath after having let a few more tears fall before collecting myself and drying my eyes. "I'm sorry" I whisper and he turns towards me with a confused look on his face. "Whatever for?" he questions, puzzled as to why I could possibly be apologizing. 

"For the show I put on back there. I was just so mad when I overheard them talking and I don't know, I felt like I wanted to humiliate them since they decided to fuck behind my back like how fucked up can you be to sleep with your best friend's boyfriend?" I spout off and then look over and remember who I'm talking to. 

"I- I didn't mean. I'm sorry Mr. Jeon" I apologize again and hang my head in shame. I'm met with a chuckle as a response and when I look up at him I can see that he's clearly very amused. "What's so funny?" I question and he continues to laugh. 

"I'm sorry darling, just seeing how horrified you looked when you remembered that you were talking shit about Jina to her father was kind of hilarious and honestly adorable" he chuckles and I let out a breath and smile at him, happy he wasn't offended by it. 

"I wasn't thinking straight, I'm sorry" I apologize again, feeling so so guilty for bringing all of this drama to his house. "Hey, you have nothing to apologize for" he says softly, placing his hand on top on mine. The one that happens to be sitting on my thigh and I gulp at the sight of his big hand enveloping the sight of my hand and now has his fingers resting high up on the inside of my thigh. 

"It's not your fault that they're both fucked up and you got caught in the crossfire okay? So please don't apologize about that again" he says and I nod my head mindlessly, my eyes still focused on the hand that is now squeezing my thigh in reassurance but I can't get past the feeling of having his hands on me like this. 

He stands up a second later, taking his hand off of me and I look up at him, almost as if questioning why he stopped and he simply smiles at my cute reaction. "Let's head inside alright? It's gonna start getting cold out here soon" he says and I nod my head, wordlessly following him back into his home. 

"Did you want a drink?" he asks and I jump at the opportunity. "Yeah I'll just take this" I say while grabbing one of the barely opened champagne bottles. "Did you want a glass?" he chuckles, watching as I take a big gulp out of the bottle. "No need, this is fine. Might as well not let it go to waste right?" I say and he hums in acknowledgement while poring himself a drink. 

I walk around his living room and take in everything about it, reminiscing about all the memories and shared laughter there had been here over the last couple of years and find my mind wandering a bit. "I'm really gonna miss this place" I say, meaning to keep it to myself but accidentally voicing it loud enough for Jungkook to hear as well. 

"You're welcome to come back here anytime you'd like" he replies, startling me when I realize he's gotten closer and is now sitting on the couch directly behind where I stand, facing the mantle and looking at the various pictures placed on it. Pictures of Jina, Jared and I over the years, ones that no doubt Jungkook had taken. 

"I always hated this picture" I say mindlessly and I hear him get up off the couch so he can see which one I'm referring to. "Oh the one where I took all of you to the beach house a few years ago for your birthday? Why? Didn't you have fun?" Jungkook questions, genuinely surprised with my reaction to it. 

"No it's not that, I had a great time. I just feel like I look like a wet dog in that picture" I admit and I'm granted with a little chuckle beside me. "Hey" I whine and glance over at him, my breath hitching when I realize just how close he's gotten. 

"You know what? Now that I think about it I don't really like that picture either" he says and I turn my body to fully face him, highly offended and demanding he explain himself. "I didn't like the way that Jared was touching you that day. He couldn't keep his hands off you and I know that it was making you uncomfortable" he says, lowering his voice an octave and causing a shiver to run through my body. 

"How did you-" "When a man really pays attention and cares for you he can tell from the slightest change how their woman is feeling. I guess he just never got the memo" he says, glaring at Jared in the picture and how he unashamedly has his hand placed directly on my ass while I'm wearing a swimsuit that I had already felt uncomfortable in in the first place. 

My mind goes into overdrive with what those words could've possibly meant. 'Was he paying that close of attention to me that he noticed something small like that? Has he been jealous of Jared? Does he care for me?' are just some of the questions that start swirling around in my brain and before I can register what had happened next he's gone and sat on the couch and is suggesting I come sit down as well. 

"You've had a long day don't you think?" he asks and I nod my head and sit on the other side of the couch making sure to keep proper distance between us. "Yeah I guess you could say that" I chuckle dryly and take a drink from the champagne bottle I still have in my hand but end up spilling it on myself. 

"Shit" I say and Jungkook quickly grabs a napkin to help clean up having spilled some on the couch as well. "I'm sorry" I apologize, constantly finding more and more reasons to apologize and he shuts me down again. "A little champagne never hurt anybody don't worry about it" he says, brushing it off and leaving me feeling a little less guilty. 

"Why don't I grab you a glass and give you some of my clothes to wear so if we have another little mishap it won't be as big of a deal" he offers and before I can refuse he's already given me a glass and is halfway up the stairs. Gosh my brain really must be working in slow motion already. 

~~~~~

After Jungkook gives me a big t shirt and sweats I change into them and tie the drawstring tight to aide in keeping the pants up and look in the mirror of the bathroom I had been changing in and realize how much of a mess I look like right now with smudges of mascara under my eyes and my nose all red from all of the crying I had been doing earlier. 

I quickly wash and dry my face and throw my hair up and out of the way since at this point theres no saving this look and just accept defeat, walking out in my now more casual look and find him sporting an almost identical one. 

"Feel better?" he asks and I nod my head and walk towards where he's standing. "Come here" he says holding out his arm and pulling me into a hug. I melt in his embrace and almost start tearing up a bit again, but push back a little and softly break apart from his embrace before the two of us sit down. 

"I don't know how to feel honestly. I feel angry and sad and betrayed and relieved and heart broken and I don't know. I'm just confused" I start and he nods his head, encouraging me to continue and so I do. 

"We've been together since before Jina and I had ever met and things had always been so good between us and then when Jina came along it felt like things had gotten even better if that's makes sense. We had our three amigos group going and whenever we were together it felt like the rest of the world didn't matter. Or I guess at least that's how I felt" I say and take a shaky breath in and out before preparing to say the next part. 

"When Jared and I got together, I told him right off the bat that I wanted to save myself for marriage and he respected that. I will admit that we both had gotten close to breaking that boundary I set  once or twice but he always backed off when I asked him to and I was thankful for that. Guys my age or guys in general don't really respect that sort of outlook anymore so the fact that he was more or less willing to date me after knowing that gave me hope for us" I say, letting everything off my chest.   

I down my glass and pour myself another one before continuing on and I take into account that he's watching my every move. "I figured 'If he had a problem with it and got tired of it then he would've dumped me' or 'He's had really good self control all of these years so that must mean there's something special between us'. So when he asked me to marry him I said yes without thinking twice. I had my knight in shining armor, the one who waited for me and I couldn't be happier" I scoff, taking another gulp of champagne. 

"Looks like he waited to have me but got someone else to fulfill his needs on the side" I mumble and down the rest of my glass before pouring another and I can see the concern in Jungkook's eyes growing but I pay no mind to it. 

"You know after all that I just can't help but wonder 'Was it all worth it? Was saving myself and in the end losing the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with worth it?' At this point my virginity is becoming more of a hassle than anything and honestly I don't want it anymore" I say, finally voicing how I had been feeling about keeping myself pure for a while. 

"I feel like it would be best if I just got it over with and went on with my life you know?" I say, finally looking at Jungkook and I can see how dilated his pupils are and how ragged his breath has gotten, doing a horrible job at concealing it.

"Can I ask you something Mr. Jeon?" I question, leaning towards him, a new gained confidence flowing through me from all the alcohol that I had consumed in such a short time. Downing glass after glass throughout our whole evening. "Jungkook" he rasps and I feel a fluttery feeling building in my stomach. 

"I'm sorry, I always seem to forget. Jungkook, can I ask you something?" I repeat placing my hand on his thigh, feeling the muscle tense up at the contact but he nods nevertheless and waits for me to continue. "How old were you when you lost your virginity?" I question, wondering what his experience might've been like. 

"Um, when I was about eighteen I guess. It was right before I graduated high school" he answers truthfully and I nod my head, mulling over what I plan to say next.

"It seems like a man of your age has had his fair share of sex am I right?" I ask and see him gulp at my assumption. "I guess you could say that" he responds and leans back a bit when I get closer. "Mr. Jeon do you have a girlfriend right now? Someone you might be seeing?" I ask, making sure that in my tipsy state I won't make the same mistake my hopeless excuse of a best friend and ex made. 

"No, I uh I'm not seeing anyone" he says quickly and I nod my head and wait a moment to get my words together. "Do you think you would mind taking my virginity?" I ask and at that his jaw drops, not expecting to be asked something like that straight away but in this state I guess you could say I'm full of surprises. 

"I- What?" he asks, confused and concerned as to if I actually meant what I said and not only that but clarifying to make sure he's heard me right. "I'm asking you if you would take my virginity. You said you'd do anything for me remember?" reminding him of his words from earlier in the day. 

"Y/n I think you might've had a little bit too much to drink" he says scooting back from me to create some distance but I close that distance moments later. "No I'm fine, I haven't even had that much silly" I say, slowly starting to slur my words but still conscious enough to make them coherent. 

"Look I think that's something you should keep until you have a chance to give it to someone special. Someone who you care about and cares about you too" he says, trying to softly reject me but it falls of deff ears.

"I care about you though. Don't you care about me?" I pout and he shakes his head and tries hard to hide a smile but fails. "Of course I care about you darling but I think you're too confused and too drunk to be making this sort of decision" he say holding my shoulders at arms length to keep me from getting any closer to him.

"It's okay Mr. Jeon I know what I'm doing. Oh! I mean Jungkook" I say cutely, leaning in a bit more and his arms give in, letting me get a bit closer so as to not harm either one of us. "Don't worry I won't tell Jina" I say and he clears this throat at the sound of his daughter's name. 

"Y/n I really don't think this is a good idea" he says, watching almost helplessly as I place my hand on his shoulder and use it to anchor myself as I climb onto his lap and although his words have said otherwise, his hands are the ones that guide me by my hips to sit on his lap, giving me a boost of confidence in my decision.

"Can you do this for me?" I ask and his eyes ping pong between mine, seeing how blown out my pupils are and notices how hot my skin has become. He stays silent and just takes in all of my features and waits for my next move. I lean in closer to him and run my fingers through the hair on the nape of his neck. 

"Just take it" I say against his lips and without a seconds hesitation he grabs the back of my head and smashes his lips against mine. 

It's a mess of lips and tongue and teeth, accompanied by the sound of him groaning and pulling me closer and me moaning at the feeling of being desired by someone like him. Someone strong and confident and undeniably sexy. Someone who wants me just as much as I want him but before I can fully grasp what's about to happen I feel myself slipping away and lose control of my body. 

"Y/n?" Jungkook questions feeling my body slump against him after I had broken the kiss and rested my head on his shoulder. He smiles at the realization that I had fallen asleep in the midst of it all and wordlessly stands up, carrying me off into the guest bedroom and laying me down to sleep there for the night.

"Goodnight darling" he says, placing a kiss on my forehead before walking out of the room and slowly closing the door behind him.

prev / next Series Masterlist

Taglist: @jkslipppiercing @trina864 @kaitieskidmore97 @goddesofimortality @coolbluedude @00frenchfries00 @bangtans-momma @coralmusicblaze @pastelpinkjoon @joonwater @marvelbun @j3nni-rs @evidive @beomieboi @forevrglow @jesssssmaybankk @teugiie @chaconnelatte @whoa-jo @snehal @xumyboo @mindurbuzznezz @diorh0seokie

Join my Taglist!

Feel free to fill out the form or just comment on any of my fics to be added :)

#jungkook fanfic #jungkook #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #fanfic #kpop #fanfiction #bts #kpop fanfic #jungkook x reader #jungkook x original character #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x oc #jungkook x you #jungkook and reader #jungkook and you #jungkook fic #just take it #jti

[shinesurge]

Webcomic rings run by people within the community are cool and you should support them

I've been loudly struggling a little bit with corporate webcomic Stuff lately so I want to mention something positive to balance it out: webrings run by small groups of creators earnestly trying to support each other are slowly making a comeback and I for one am delighted.

If you weren't around for them in the before times, webrings were just some folks who hang out a lot who feature each other on their websites. That's literally it lmao. There's generally no money involved and it only really functions the way it's supposed to if people have control over their own websites AND genuinely want to participate and get excited about other folks' work, which means the practice has pretty well fallen by the wayside over the years in webcomic culture given. Everything. In the rare event someone decides to do something like this it's usually in the form of a link list somewhere on their website; this doesn't usually indicate any sort of mutual support, it's just a list of what the creator is reading themselves.

A webring, though, is an official banner or hub that people gather under intentionally where each member is more or less on equal footing. It's essentially the concept of "a rising tide lifts all boats" put into practice, each creator brings their own audience to the table in a passive, opt-in sort of way that's different from working for a publisher since there isn't necessarily a Top Spot or a paycheck everyone's vying for, and individuals retain autonomy over both their own work and how (if) they promote each other. You're all at your own tables in an artist alley rather than fighting over the table in the front of the book store, essentially.

I have two rings and one collective for you today!

Webcomic Ring was brought to my attention AGES ago by Holly, one of the artists featured there, and I might have brought it up at some point but I'm doing it again lmao. This is exactly the kind of thing you ought to be looking for; a small group of enthusiastic folks having a good time making their weird little comics. You probably haven't heard of much in the catalog, that's PERFECT in the context of webcomics that's where the GOOD SHIT is. Finding something like this is A Gift go dig around in the longboxes for a while.

Then a few people have pointed me in the direction of the KNIFEBEETLE collective and that's neat too! Most of the comics there are already fairly well-known, but the vibes are excellent and I haven't seen a lot of talk about the collective /itself/ outside folks already in the know. I think it's important for this sort of thing to be more visible to folks who aren't terminally steeped in webcomic culture already so here I am telling you about it. You were probably reading several of these before I suggested it, but that's how a webring works! For it to do its job you should take those bigger creators' tacit recommendation of the less popular titles as a sign to go read something new and strange. Wild, I know these are practices held over from the old internet, but I think we should try and bring them back.

Lastly, I want to mention Spiderforest, which is a collective (slightly different from a webring) BUT still a very cool project readers starved for new stuff should pay attention to.

You've probably seen Spiderforest kicking around for a long time already; they're wonderful and have always been an overall positive force in the community in my experience. They really focus on building up a community, and especially welcoming newcomers and helping them get their feet under them. Full disclosure, I've been asked to apply by a few different folks over the years and the only reason I never did is I don't have the ability to participate in their forums and such as frequently as they want their creators to; it's a very good system (from my outside perspective) that might contribute to the community staying mostly healthy in ways that art communities usually don't and I appreciate it a lot!

ANYWAYS that's all I got for now, just trying to balance out some bad feelings I've been having by talking about some good stuff. Please go binge an archive this week.

#long post #contrary to what i say i do love webcomics so fucking much #there are Reasons i'm fucking angry all the time lmao

[tonberry-yoda]

A Nice Girl - Zuko

Pairing - Zuko x f!reader

Warnings - none!!

Word Count - 3,211

Notes - I have been pumping out these really long fics lately lmaoooo. i dont mean to i just simply get carried away. i need to stop before i get a block tho lmao. AND IM ALMOST AT 400 FOLLOWERS OMG!!! im like so excited about it tbh. maybe ill open my request when we get there. thank you all and i hope you're all well. stay hydrated!!

You yawned and stretched, the silk from your nightgown tickling you. That had to have been the best sleep you have gotten these past couple of weeks. As the oldest in the “gaang” at 17 years old, you had to act as the mother of the group and felt this awful need to protect everyone all the time, thus granting you several sleepless nights.

Sure, Ba Sing Se didn't feel like home and it didn't feel 100% safe either, but you got to sleep in a comfy bed and wear some really nice clothes. You had to admit that it was nice to be working with the Avatar sometimes.

You pushed your tangled hair out of your face and looked into the full length mirror next to your bed. Yeah, you definitely slept well, that was no question. You could tell by the rat’s nest created on your head and the sleep lines across your arms and face. You definitely needed to wash up before you started your day.

You got out of bed, stretching as the sun kissed your warm cheeks. You were going to make the best out of today. Lots of planning, but lots of downtime too, so that was nice.

As you finally walked out of your room, you were welcomed to cackling laughter from Sokka, his finger pointed at you.

“Ha, ha,” you said sarcastically, Katara handing you a brush. “Very funny, Sokka.”

“Not just funny,” he said through laughter. “It’s hilarious, y/n! You look so stupid!!!”

You rolled your eyes, hiding a smile, and tamed the rat’s nest on your head, looking a little more yourself.

Aang walked in the house holding a bowl of snacks with a smile on his face. “Oh, good morning, y/n! You sure slept in this morning!”

“Slept in?” You tilted your head. “What time is it?”

Katara took the brush from you and set it down on a nearby drawer. “Almost 10 am.”

“What?!” You were shocked. You were usually the first one up always and if not, you never slept past 8.

Katara giggled. “Listen, y/n. I think it's great that you finally got some sleep. We never really see you rest well, so none of us had the heart to wake you up.”

You beamed. “You guys are the best. Well,” you stretched. “I'm gonna get washed up so I don't look like a sleepy monster all day.” Something about Ba Sing Se gave you the creeps, but at the same time, it was nice to be back in a place where you could bathe in warm water and not fear Zuko coming after you. It's not like you had anything against the Fire Nation prince… it's more like… he was an inconvenience to you and the rest of the gaang. Since you and Zuko were about the same age, you understood him. Well, kinda. You escaped the Fire Nation when you were younger, disagreeing with all of their ideals and overall how they treated the world. You did see the prince as Fire Nation scum, but at the same time, you saw him as a kid, just like you. He was banished for god knows what and he just wanted to go home. You didn't hate Zuko. Not one bit. You understood that he may just be in some sort of hidden pain. But you had to admit that it was kinda nice to not have him around to bother you.

You got out of the shower refreshed and ready for the day. It was nice to have a day off, so you were probably going to get some tea and write in your journal about how the past couple of weeks have been. You figured it would be nice to log everything that has ever happened on this little journey just in case you all wanted a refresher in the next twenty years or so. You slipped on some Earth Nation attire and smiled at yourself in the mirror as you braided your hair. Today is going to be a good day, you thought. Nothing better than tea and some late breakfast.

“I'm going out for the day,” you said, placing your bag on your shoulder. “Stay out of trouble today, got it?”

You looked at Aang and he laughed. “I will, I will! Have a nice day, okay, y/n? You deserve it.”

“You’re all too kind to me. Thank you.”

“And let me know if you find Appa!”

“I will, don't worry.”

You smiled and walked out of the house, smelling the fresh Earth Nation air. Luckily, the walls didn't cover the fresh air, so you could still get the almost afternoon breath.

You spent the beginning of the day walking around shops, buying some supplies and new clothes for yourself and the others. The markets were busy, but it was nice to get some of the things you needed without Aang begging for some stupid trinket that you always ended up buying him because you thought it was cool too. That was always your impulse, stupid things that Aang showed you. Those could be the death of you.

As you finally finished your browsing journey, you overheard a conversation while looking over a map.

“I swear their tea has gotten better.”

“Really? I dunno.”

“I'm serious. It has to be the best tea shop in Ba Sing Se.”

“Fine, we can go try it later.”

You turned to the two men a little embarrassed that you were eavesdropping. “S-Sorry, but I was kinda listening to your conversation… uh… where’s that tea shop you were talking about? I've been trying to find a nice place to get some tea all morning.”

The man hyping up the shop smiled at you. “Don't worry about eavesdropping, kiddo. It's right here.” He pointed to the map you were looking at and you were satisfied that it wasn't too far from where you currently were.

You thanked the man and began your journey to the shop. It was a little closer to afternoon and you could feel your stomach rumbling, so you just decided to skip right to lunch.

You walked into the tea shop and saw people smiling and laughing together, the heavenly scent of tea filling your senses. You were quickly seated at a lone booth and given a menu. Everything looked so good, you could swear that you were about to drool just thinking about food.

You decided to order something that the waitress recommended and as she walked away, you flipped through your journal, going over everything that you and the gaang had been through. You quietly laughed to yourself as you passed a page that said: note to self - slap Zuko’s bald head at least once. Imagine the sound that would make.

It’s definitely been a long trip of both laughter and struggle, and honestly, you were really happy. You don't remember the last time you had laughed so hard before you met Aang and the others. It was nice. Really nice.

“Here’s your tea. Is there anything else you need?” Your tea was set in front of you along with your lunch and you tilted your head at the familiar voice that wasn't your waitress from earlier. It was on the tip of your tongue.

“I think I'm alright, thank-” You looked up and the smile you had suddenly dropped. No way. “Zu-”

Before you could say his full name, Zuko covered your mouth and quickly let go, hoping no one saw or heard any of that. “P-Please don't.”

“But you’re-”

“I know,” Zuko’s voice was low. “Just… can we talk… in the back?”

You looked around the restaurant at all of the other people and back at Zuko. He looked so different. Barely recognizable. His face didn't look so pissed off and he had a short head of hair now that looked healthy. The only reason you recognized him was the scar, but honestly, if he covered it up somehow, you wouldn't have a clue that he was the prince of the Fire Nation.

You nodded and stood up, collecting your things. You followed Zuko to the back, almost a little scared. You had no means of defending yourself. You were a non bender, so if he wanted to pick a fight, you were screwed. You didn't even have a simple weapon on you. Maybe you were getting too cozy.

Zuko brushed off a small table and pulled out a chair for you, which you sat in with slight hesitation.

“How did you get into Ba Sing Se?” You didn't mean to sound so defensive. Well, you did, but you weren't expecting to. Especially not on such a good day like this.

“It's… a long story.”

“Why are you here?”

“Listen… It’s not for the Avatar.”

“Huh? Is that so?” You crossed your arms and looked him dead in the eye. “Then explain to me how you always end up where we just so happen to be. That’s suspicious, isn't it?”

“I-”

“If you hurt Aang, I swear to-”

“I don't care about Aang right now!”

The whole room went quiet. You had never heard Zuko say Aang’s name before, let alone not care about what the Avatar is doing.

“Then why…”

“I have my own stuff to deal with. It's none of your business, okay? I do have a life outside of the Avatar, you know.”

You nodded and looked down at your tea. “I'm… assuming your uncle made this?” You giggled softly.

“Yeah. He did.” Zuko’s voice was small and way less frustrated.

“So that’s why this tea shop has hype all of a sudden.” You wondered aloud, your eyes wandering to the ceiling.

Zuko cleared his throat and shuffled in his spot. “So… uh… what now?”

“Promise not to hurt Aang and I won't say a word about you being here. I believe that you have your own stuff to deal with, so prove it to me.”

“I promise.”

Your eyes locked with his and you smiled, shocking Zuko a bit. You smiled at him, the guy that’s been trying to hurt you and your friends this whole time. The guy who would’ve done anything for the Avatar to be in his hands.

“You probably hate me, don't you?” Zuko spat out, rubbing the back of his neck.

You tilted your head. “Hate’s a strong word, don't you think?”

Zuko looked at you, appalled. “I mean, I would understand if you did.”

“It's been a long road for you, hasn't it, Zuko?”

He nodded at you and you pointed to the other side of the table, just realizing that he was standing that entire time. “Let’s share some tea.”

“I-I don't know if that’s a good idea.” Zuko took a step back.

“Ah, I see,” you stood up, scooting your chair back in. “You’re a busy man with a job now.”

He just nodded at you.

“Well, I'll let you get to it then, but I expect to see you at 6 tonight ready to hang out, okay?”

“Wh-What?! Won't your friends notice that you’re gone?”

You just smiled, collecting your things. “Zuko, I do have a life outside of the Avatar, you know.”

Zuko’s face went bright red as you walked out of the room with a smirk on your face. It was actually kinda cute to see Zuko not being some evil kid with his heart set on hurting anyone.

“You’re leaving?” Sokka whined, watching you grab your bag.

“Yes Sokka,” you said for what seemed like the hundredth time. “I'm leaving. I just want to go get dinner out by myself tonight. Maybe go for a nice walk.”

“Aww man,” Sokka pouted, crossing his arms. “Who’s gonna make dinner now?”

You rolled your eyes, trying to hide the smile creeping on your lips. “Sokka, I left some money on the table. You guys should go out and get something to eat tonight.”

“Why aren't you coming with us?” Sokka tilted his head, counting the money on the table.

“I just want to go out by myself tonight, that’s all.”

“So you’re just gonna have a lonely dinner all by yourself?” Sokka questioned, looking skeptical.

“Yes!”

“She’s lying.” Everyone turned to Toph and your face went bright red. You forgot she could tell if you were lying or not, and it definitely didn't help that you were outside on the concrete so Toph could really feel right through you.

Sokka turned back to you quickly. “You’re going to dinner with someone?”

“Fine, yes, I am, so what?”

“Who is it?”

You rolled your eyes, already late. “Just somebody.”

“Is it a boy?” Sokka gave you a mocking look and you pushed his face away.

“Fine, whatever! It's a boy! So what?! Now let me leave before I'm late. Have a nice dinner everyone.” You waved at the group and ran to the tea shop, hoping that Zuko didn't leave yet.

The bell rang as you opened the shop door. “Sorry, we’re not serving tea anymore, we’re closing at the moment,” a familiar voice said. Iroh peeked his head out, surprised to see you. “y/n?”

You smiled, “hi Iroh.”

“How are you?” Iroh set down the broom he was holding and pulled you into a soft embrace. You never told the others, but you spent quite a bit of time talking to Zuko’s uncle when you got the chance. He was a wise man and kind as well. Maybe that's why you understood Zuko so well, you had someone to give you some insight on the boy.

“I'm good, Iroh. How are you?”

“Oh I'm fine,” he beamed at you, pulling away from the hug. “I'm getting to live my lifelong dream of making tea for the people of Ba Sing Se, so that feels pretty nice.”

“Well, you are the best at making tea, Iroh.”

“Oh, stop. You’re so full of flattery, y/n.” Iroh blushed with a smile. “Is there a reason you’re here?”

“Is your nephew here?”

“You’re looking for Zuko?” Iroh cocked an eyebrow at you and you chuckled, surprised that you were even here.

“I am.”

Iroh gave you a skeptical look, but honestly didn't care much. He thought it was nice that someone wanted to visit Zuko. “He is here. Let me go grab him. Would you like some tea in the meantime?”

“Tea sounds great,” you admitted, sitting at a table.

As you got comfortable, Zuko ran into the room, completely surprised. “You’re here?”

You laughed. “Of course I am! I said I’d be here at 6 didn't I?”

“I thought you were bluffing.”

“Well now you know I'm serious. Wanna hang out?”

Zuko gave you a side eye and thought for a moment. “I think I know what you’re trying to do.”

“And what might that be?” Iroh entered the room, placing two teacups and a kettle on your table. You thanked Iroh as he left with a smile.

“You’re trying to get info out of me. About the Fire Nation… aren't you?”

You shook your head. “You’re so defensive all the time, Zuko.”

“Can you blame me?” Zuko shut all of the blinds in the shop and sat across from you, taking a sip of tea.

“I guess not.”

“I'm surprised you’re not a little more on edge.”

“Why’s that?” You took a sip of tea as well, humming at how delightful it tasted.

“I'm a firebender. You don't bend right? I could literally take you down at any moment. And it doesn't seem like you have any weapons either.”

“I trust that you won't do anything. Your uncle would probably be pissed about the mess to be honest.”

For the first time in all of your time knowing Zuko, you heard him laugh. He laughed so hard that he snorted a bit, which made him laugh harder. Because of all of his laughter, he made you laugh too, sending you both into a laughing fit. It felt good. You haven't laughed this hard since you first met Sokka, all covered in Appa’s snot.

Zuko literally had tears in his eyes by the time he stopped laughing. Seeing him happy made you feel… good. Really good. It was almost a relief. It made Zuko more human. You didn't know if you could even remotely call him your enemy anymore.

You two ended up talking all night, Iroh occasionally bringing more tea or just little treats every now and then. You literally couldn't stop talking to Zuko. To hear about what it was like to grow up in the Fire Nation as a prince was interesting. To hear what Ozai was really like in person sent chills down your spine. To hear where that scar on his face came from almost brought you to tears. Zuko didn't even know why he told you all of this, but he could say one thing. It felt nice. It felt this giant weight on his chest had been lifted.

After a few hours, you looked at the clock in the shop and frowned. “Bad news, Zuko. I gotta go.”

“Already?” He turned to face the clock and pouted his bottom lip. “Alright then.”

You stood up and collected your things. “Thanks for the tea, Iroh!” You shouted, which was responded with a big smile and a thumbs up from Iroh.

“Thanks for stopping by.”

“Anytime,” you said, opening the door of the shop. “I'll be back.”

“You will?” You turned to Zuko, who almost looked excited that you said that.

“Of course I will. Goodnight guys.”

“Wait,” Zuko ran up to you, holding the door open. “Let me walk you home, it’s late.”

“Zuko, I don't know if that’s a good idea.”

Zuko frowned, but you were probably right. If Aang spotted him for even a second, both of you would be done for. “R-Right. Well… thanks.”

“For what?”

“Hanging out. That was fun.”

You smiled. “That was fun. Thank you for not killing me, Zuko.”

“Anytime.” He giggled, immediately taken aback when you pulled him in for a hug after dropping everything.

He was so… warm. I mean, duh. He was a firebender. But even so, his hug felt so genuine, so nice, and you didn't want to leave. “Goodnight, Zuko,” you said as you pulled away from the hug.

“Goodnight, y/n.” This time, he shocked you by pulling you in for another hug and pulling away only to pull you in again, but this time, your lips were inches apart.

“Can I kiss you?” His voice was in a whisper, his warm breath dusting over your lips.

You just nodded and closed your eyes as his soft lips brushed against yours. You wrapped your arms around the back of his neck pulling him closer. He smiled into the kiss, wrapping his arms around your waist.

When you pulled away from the kiss, both of you said a quick goodbye, your cheeks dusted pink.

Zuko quickly walked back into the tea shop to help Iroh close and put his back on the door.

“I'm glad you found a nice girl, Zuko.” Zuko jumped hearing his uncle’s voice, his face turning a dark shade of crimson.

Though if he was being honest, he was glad he found a nice girl too.

~~~~~

atla masterlist --- pinned post

@tonberry-yoda

TAG LIST: @ede1faecam

#i hope you guys like it #i got carried away and wrote too much lmao #writing #fanfic #fanfiction #my writing #<3 #atla #zuko #atla x reader #zuko x reader #avatar the last airbender x reader #avatar the last airbender #avatar #prince zuko #the gaang

[butch-reidentified]

if you think agp is a thing(and presumably exclusive to trans women) what do you think of cis women claiming to masturbate in front of mirrors and CIA women who report being aroused by breastfeeding?

literally every single answer to these questions is available on my blog. I'm tired of writing the same posts over and over and over. if you can't find sufficient answers scrolling my blog, searching key words on my blog (or on google citing my blog, which yields better results oftentimes), going through the links in my pinned, or checking the tags referenced in my pinned, then I'd say if it's reeeeally important to you to get answers, your best bet will be to sit tight and occasionally check for updates to my Pinned as I am gradually adding more and more links detailing my views, and/or skim my blog from time to time - it's pretty much guaranteed to cycle through again within a month at most 🤷

I was actually gonna put a partial (that is to say, just not my usual thorough, detailed, and nuanced) answer at the beginning, but honestly I'm getting VERY tired of anonymous strangers who most likely just stumbled across my blog for the first time today thinking they're entitled to a personalized thinkpiece from me when almost every time I get an ask like this (which are distinctly different from good faith curiosities, which I'm more than happy to answer), I've already posted my answer, I've already written about the subject in depth on my blog. so I'll put my answer below instead so you have to read all of the above first, so you at least sort of vaguely kinda earn some response by putting in a miniscule fraction of the work/time I've put into both reading/informing myself about all sorts of different opinions, ideologies, experiences, perspectives, and views (rather than just demanding opinions from strangers on anon, lmao) and writing countless posts (& that's just on here, ignoring the offline side which is where I'm wayyy more active), which are almost always VERY long and detailed and proofread and edited and polished several times over.

btw, kind of a side note -- I have NEVER sent a single anon in my life, and I have NEVER, anonymously or not, demanded someone give me a personalized just-for-me explanation of their opinions (or any at all). the reason I call this entitlement is because you (most likely) aren't asking out of genuine curiosity or good faith. you (most likely) are asking because you dislike what you think my views are (you are most likely misinformed and think I believe things I do not) and you (most likely) think this is some kind of gotcha rather than the same ignorant, unoriginal, boring ass points that I've read countless times as far back as when I was a transactivist and trans-identifying myself. they've been debunked/responded to by a LOT of other women, too, and I'm very confident you could easily find at least one such response. I'm not holding you to a standard I don't also hold myself to; in fact, that I'm going to give you any degree of actual answer at all is demonstrative of my holding myself to a HIGHER standard. because again, nothing I'm about to say on this topic is just now in this post being born into the universe as a novel thought. or even a novel tumblr post; like I said, you could find the radfem answers to this ask yourself with just a tiny bit of effort - and while radfems are far from a monolith, and I am a frequent vocal dissenter on a variety of radblr hot topics, this isn't even really a matter of opinion. read on to find out why.

Part A - Not answering the questions here per se, but a clarification of terminology that may help you (any reader, not necessarily anon) see my perspective:

The word "cis" has different definitions. It used to mean someone who is not trans, whereas trans referred to sex-dysphoric transitioners, a demographic who now often prefer terms like transsexual or transsex or simply "sex-dysphoric" BECAUSE they don't agree with gender identity ideology (GII) and object to the way GII has been actively hostile to them and erased transsexuality (and thus their identities, needs, beliefs, and experiences as well), similarly to the ways in which GII engages with pretty much everything that isn't complete and total blind allegiance. These include but are far from limited to:

1. Obfuscating people's (especially children's/young adults' - as they are the primary consumers of most GII content by far) understanding of biology, particularly as it pertains to the sexes of human beings and sexual dimorphism, and inserting "gender identity" as a direct (but importantly not synonymous or remotely parallel) replacement for the material and biological reality of sex. Sex, absent patriarchy and the gender construct, is simply a neutral and factual categorization of human beings: sex categorizes human body types according to the two developmental pathways that evolved solely for the purpose of producing one gamete type or the other to enable perpetuation of the species via sexual reproduction. What this statement does NOT imply to anyone reading it with even an ounce of integrity/intellectual honesty: "women are defined by having babies," "infertile/childfree adult female humans are not women," "humans with anomalous sexual development of any variety are not male or female, but rather a 3rd sex or even proof sex is a spectrum," or anything along these lines; I refer to these arguments as intellectually dishonest because they are originally intentional (disinformation -> misinformation) misinterpretations & serve to moralize, dogmatize, and essentially theologize facts of nature.

This obfuscation of biology is committed via a variety of tactics that frequently include outright gaslighting; "gender and sex are different" turned into "sex is actually a spectrum" (it's not - read on to learn why not!) and then outright science denial while gaslighting others as being the unscientific, uneducated, "3rd grade understanding of biology" ones (again, this is simply factually not true*).

*Feel free to request to see a peer-reviewed neuroscience journal publication bearing my name and/or my thesis (original research regarding the overlapping genetics + epigenetics of norepinephrine dysregulation in both dysautonomia and attention deficit disorders) if you are skeptical of my credentials regarding biology. alternatively, feel free to cite your sources and I will provide a free-of-charge peer review service :)

2. Building from #1, the erasure of patriarchal sex-based oppression of women & girls (by definition: human beings of the female sex, adults & children respectively) via aforementioned tactics obfuscating sex biology & human biology in favor of an innate, internal "gender identity" which is extremely poorly defined with the individual "gender identities" themselves left utterly non-delineated. Gender identity ideology is to be taken entirely on pure faith, despite the fact that there is absolutely no evidence to support gender identity as a universal component of human beings/universal human experience. In fact, the existence of absolutely any nonzero quantity of human beings who do not experience gender identity firmly disproves it as universal human experience - and we know not all humans have a gender identity. However, every human being experiences sexual development, be it typical, disordered (DSDs, congenital infertility, etc), or otherwise anomalous; the vast majority experience typical sexual development, and one's sex is entirely clear in the vast majority of atypical cases as well. Female humans are oppressed on the basis of our biological reproductive capabilities; patriarchy desires control over the female sex as a direct product of its desire to control reproduction. Patriarchy created the gender construct to instill and enforce a caste system between the sexes upholding the patriarchal dogma of male supremacy and female inferiority. Similarly, patriarchy created father-gods in order to make the creation of life a male act. Erasure of sex in favor of the gender construct serves male supremacy and cannot ever be anti-patriarchal or feminist. Evidence of sex based oppression abounds offline (frankly, you need look no further than menstruation stigma in all its forms up to and including menstrual huts, but there is infinitely more evidence) and right here on my blog as well; I even have some posts tagged to serve as proof of sex based oppression.

3. Erasing homosexuality via working toward erasure of exclusive same-sex attraction (this is particularly targeted at lesbians, and this is VERY well documented. I have many examples of this in my TRA Receipts tag, including a particularly excellent masterpost containing, in total iirc THOUSANDS of screenshots), once again replacing sex with "gender identity" as if one's orientation being defined as attraction to another human's invisible, internal, and highly individual "gender identity," which not all humans even purport to have in the first place, could possibly make any sense. This is uniquely absurd.

As stated in the 2nd link in #1 on my Pinned, I object to the usage of "cis" for non-trans-identifying people. Why? At the core of it, because the most commonplace definition of "cis"/'cisgender" that I see at this point in time is "having a gender identity that aligns with what was assigned at birth." As stated above, gender identity is not universal, rendering "cisgender" equally as personal and internal of an identity label as "transgender" - and these are not a pure dichotomy by any means. Radical feminism does not grant any degree of objective factual legitimacy to the gender construct; thus, no radical feminist is or can be, by definition, transgender or cisgender (this does not carry over to whether or not radfems can have dysphoria or even be medically transitioned). Radfems are not the only humans without "gender identities," and it is dishonest and disrespectful to force the term/label onto everyone else according to an ideology we/they may not share.

Part B - The Long-Awaited Answer! [I changed my mind since this ended up significantly longer than initially planned so here ya go]

Autogynephilia was coined as a term with a specific definition. That definition is still the same one in use today. That definition explicitly states that only males can qualify. That definition is: "a paraphilia that describes when a man experiences sexual arousal from the thought of himself as a woman" per Google, and "a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female" per Blanchard's original stated intention for the term he created. Wikipedia goes on to add "intending for the term to refer to 'the full gamut of erotically arousing cross-gender behaviors and fantasies.'"

I have many criticisms of Blanchard himself and of the quality of his research methodologies. However, the evidence for the existence of the paraphilia itself is abundant and undeniable given that many males outright refer to themselves as autogynephiles and many have openly discussed their experiences as someone with this paraphilia. What I do not believe is that all trans-identifying males are AGPs, that there is proven legitimacy to the HSTS/AGP dichotomy (even Blanchard himself said not all OSA trans-identifying males are AGPs - just a whole lot of them), or that non-trans-identifying males can't be AGPs - actually I think it's likely that most AGPs don't identify as transgender.

The core of the paraphilia, the source of the arousal, is a product of the patriarchal sex caste system; autogynephiles are aroused by the idea of themselves as women - as they themselves have stated - because of the sexual objectification of femaleness and/or because they're aroused by degradation and humiliation (as is blatantly obviously on brilliant display in the existence of and obsession with "forced feminization" and similar female-degrading sexual concepts), and the AGP male views femaleness and the gender that patriarchy has forcibly ascribed to femaleness ("femininity") as inferior and thus sees his engagement in performing femininity as degrading - which in turn sexually excites him.

One reason some women find themselves arousing in their own bodies and natural non-performative states is the same as when men find themselves arousing in their own bodies and natural non-performative states: self-confidence increases libido and associations can be made between A and B. Where women and men inevitably differ, however, is about the arousal surrounding performing femininity and/or sexual self-objectification. It is not at all unreasonable to speculate that some women can be turned on when they "feel hot" for a reason other than just self-confidence; for one speculative example, it's possible that some women may see herself in the mirror all dressed up in hypersexualized clothing and feel that they've succeeded in mirroring the pornified images and sexually-appealing-to-males beauty expectations. Ultimately, this is self-objectification. It's patriarchy and the male gaze that have forced these associations onto all of society, and hypersexual associations have a tendency of causing sexual arousal in people (duh).

Oh and I've never heard of women being aroused by breastfeeding, only complaining about it being painful asf, but like. Nipples are among the most common and well-documented non-genital erogenous areas so? This seems terribly unlikely to be a common phenomenon, but utterly irrelevant to the existence of autogynephilia regardless lol. If this is a thing, like I said I doubt it's commonplace at all, but even just hypothetically, I'd say it would distinctly fall in line with everything else I say in this answer. Patriarchy and its pornographers have indeed sexualized breastfeeding - there are a concerning number of men who ask their partners NOT TO BREASTFEED their babies - his own children! - because it makes him JEALOUS and even resent the baby. I'm dead serious you can look this up, it happens. So... read on for elaboration.

I neither know nor care precisely what you're referencing in this ask, because the answer remains the same: autogynephilia by definition can only affect males, and males who have a fetish for the idea of themselves as female, be that through imagining themselves Fucked (anatomically female, specifically in a sexually objectified - aka Fucked - manner; the anatomical/biological form of autogynephilia fetishizes the male subject imagining himself as the female Fucked object of pornography) or Feminine (as discussed above) fundamentally are not and cannot be the same as women who are turned on by feeling like they look sexually appealing or by their own natural anatomy or biological functions (which have been violently hypersexualized by patriarchy). This is a form of internalized misogyny; when men do it, it's just misogyny. These are not the same.

#mine #ask #anon ask #anon #radblr #long post

[punkzines]

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Eternal Sunshine

word count : 1k.

Pairing? Godzilla x (vague gen! poc (latino) reader)

Summary : Godzilla and reader at the beach. Nothing happens, just kind of a strange encounter.

A/N: LMAO THIS IS JUST A DREAM I HAD SO I WANTED TO WRITE IT . This isn’t proofread or something so mb yall. Also this isn’t kinda romantic at least not rn. But i will say i do romantically love godzilla👅👅

PART 2

—

The sound of the ocean waves making their way to the beach shore always calmed you. It has always brought serenity, a sense of calmness to you. You sit a bit far back, under a palm tree, you’d stupidly thought it’d be good shelter from the soft rain falling down from clouded skies. You clothes and were both drenched, but you’d been under the rain for so long that it’s been long since you cared.

You were only here because your head was clouded. You felt drained. Today, like many days— was a hard day. So much social interaction, too much work. Doesn’t help that your headphones were dead, meaning you were forced to listen to the loud noise and laughter of others. It was…you were at least grateful you’d been able to get here at last.

You surveyed the waters, they looked rough— contrasting its usual calm movements.

Your eyes stop at a certain spot close to the shore— a fish. Actually— you stand up to get a better look from where you were— there were many fish, coming and going out of the waters. You furrow your brows, and begin to walk closer to them in curiosity, and to help them get back in water— until you see something.

You thought the rain was beginning to blur your sight, and making you see things. But it wasn’t until you got closer and saw what looked to be a sharp edge of… no.

A deep quiet rumble comes from the water. You weren’t hallucinating.

You stumble backwards from shock, thoughts beginning to race. You’d only ever seen him on Television, but you’ve felt his destruction personally.

It was scary.

Ay dios, ay dios. You were panicking.

The fear in you rises as you begin to see him rise— dorsal plates slowly rise out of the water, until his head is peeked out like an alligator. A chill ran throughout your whole body— your heart beating faster than ever. You try to slow down your breathing— but all you inhaled was the deep ocean smell, overtaking your senses. It was overwhelming.

Am I going to die? Gojira was… he was enormous. It was something you knew but…to see him in person…not to mention, you were only seeing the top half of his body. That fact alone made you want to die on the spot.

You feel his eyes bore into you, silently. It’s odd how his stare can invoke so much fear in you. But you didn’t know what you feared the most, that he was staring at you silently, or that he wasn’t moving at all. He just stared. Gojira only let out deep breaths, causing waves of their own.

And suddenly— he let out a deep rumble, one you could feel almost shake the ground beneath you— it made you realize what position you were in. You wouldn’t dare to admit it, but it felt embarrassing that the king of monsters was aware of your awkward position. Was he? However, that feeling was overshadowed by the other overwhelming feeling of fear you currently felt.

You shakily stand up, bones weak and wobbly. You don’t take your eyes off the creature in front of you— and neither does he. You remained silent as you regained composure, removing the strands of curls from annoyingly getting in your eyes.

Gojira was still but watchful. It was starting to make you less fearful but more nervous. The creature let out another rumble, this time much quieter. It was strange because you’ve only ever seen him roar on TV— or just heard it from afar while he fought.

You can’t turn your gaze away and run— no matter how much you want too. Could I even? A certain thought prevents you from doing so, why was Godzilla doing this? You muster up the little courage you had as you hear water splash against his body. “Hello?” It was the only thing you could think of saying— and it came out almost in a whisper, unintentionally, but you were sure the other heard it.

He responded by getting closer, his form rising even more from the difference in depth— and you take a step back as he does so. He gets so close, his head is now touching the sand. He is so close, you thought.

A small rumble (almost like a purr, you must be mistaken though— why would Gojira ever let out a sound such as that?) emitted from him— until it quickly becomes a snarl. He glanced up at the sky before he showed himself entirely. He stands tall.

You tumble backwards once again from the sudden movement— the same fear that had been disappearing coming back to you. It wasn’t until you brought your focus to him that you saw what he was staring at. Helicopters. Most likely from Monarch or something. I forgot what those sciency people were called. You could see them get closer, causing Gojira to get… mad?

He kept roaring at them, not like how he roars at the other titans— yet still loud enough for the humans to understand. They needed to leave. He bared his fangs at them, until they seemed to get the message. He didn’t want them getting close.

As the events unfolded, you couldn’t help but be entranced by the sight.

No matter how loud…A roar that mighty… No wonder he was the king of monsters. It was clear that he deserved that title.

Silence fell upon the world again, and it was as if Gojiras whole demeanor had changed, he no longer seemed interested in staying at the beach, you could tell.

You watch as he sighed deeply, turning his attention back to you. You breath gets caught in your throat as he slowly inched his head closer down to your level— just slightly above.

In an instant, your body froze and your eyes closed. Gojira had gotten annoyed, was he going to hurt you? Maybe all this time he had been asking you to move out the way like those guys. But if so, why would he not just leave or enter like he would walk?

Your thoughts come to a stop as you feel breathing on top of you. You open your eyes and stare up at him, but it is too late. He was already retreating back into the water without sparing you a single glance.

You stare as he walks into the water then dive, tides being made with each step he takes.

It wasn’t until he was out of your sights that you acknowledged what happened.

Was he sniffing me?

#godzilla #gojira #x reader #reader insert #gn reader #this is really bad #fanfic

[anti-romantico]

[work trip] the boyz sangyeon

warnings: slow-burn, use of the word "daddy" idk if I should apologize for this one lmao, oral (f receiving), protected sex (I earned a cookie for this), hint of a second round

words: 3571

Working as an assistant wasn’t in your plans when you graduated, but as long as you could pay your bills with the salary without having to get another job, you were more than happy.

And it wasn’t like your boss was terrible or a creep. He was young, didn’t have kids, but always liked to spoil his friend’s, it was like his favorite hobby. 

You arrived at your desk 15 minutes before your usual time this morning. You didn’t know your driver was in such a rush, but you preferred to not ask and let him drive while you hold on for dear life.

— You’re early. — Your boss said, walking out of his office.

— My driver must have had something important to do after dropping me off. — You answered. — Good morning, Mr. Lee. — You bowed your head a little.

He softly smiled. — Good morning. Did you receive my email?

— Yes, you wanted to talk to me. — You confirmed.

And even though it wasn’t a question, Sangyeon nodded. — It was going to be later, but considering you still have 10 more minutes of freedom and that I’ll leave earlier. Come to my office, please.

You felt cold sweat all over your body. Did you mention he made you insanely nervous? And you knew the thoughts you sometimes had about him would be firing you in a second. 

You sat down on the chair in front of his desk and waited for him to talk. Sangyeon took off his blazer and rolled up the sleeves of his white shirt, and sat down on his own chair.

— Do you want water? — He suddenly asked. And you didn’t know if it was the nervousness, but you sensed a hint of mockery in his tone.

— No, thank you, Mr. Lee. — You said, looking away.

You heard him scoff. — Well, I wanted to talk to you because we received an invitation to an investors meeting in Gangmun. And although it will only be 3 meetings, it’s going to be a whole week. You can pack some swimsuits if you want. We are leaving on Friday.

And Friday arrived too fast for your liking. The organizers of this trip made sure his future investors traveled comfortably because your seats were first class and the hotel was 5 stars. 

Your room and Sanyeon’s were next to each other, and while you were unpacking, someone knocked on your door.

— Hi, I just got a call. Our first meeting is tomorrow morning, so that means you have the whole day free. — You nodded. — Oh. These were in my room, to let the hotel staff know you’re here as part of the trip. Pretty sure you’ll have courtesies. — Sangyeon grabbed your left arm and put on the white plastic bracelet. — And you have only one more replacement, so be careful. — He let it go.

— Thanks. So am I free to do anything today? — You asked, already making plans.

— I mean, yes, just don’t go to sleep late, the meeting is at 11am, right after breakfast. — You giggled, he was using the same tone he used with his friend’s kids.

— Right, thank you, Mr. Lee. — You smiled and waited for him to leave.

The next morning, you got up and took a bath. You were getting dressed when you released how hungry you were. You were almost ready when Sangyeon knocked on your door. 

— Slept well? — Was the first thing he asked when you opened your door.

— Yes, thank you, Mr. Lee. You too? — You asked, closing your door, making sure it was locked. 

— You can say that. I always have a difficult time sleeping the first night outside my home.

— That happened to me once, I just asked for more pillows. — You said. He called the elevator and nodded.

Breakfast was quiet. The restaurant was full of businessmen, and some even looked at both of you from time to time. None of them came accompanied by their assistant? You wanted to ask Sanyeon about it, but he was too immersed in his phone.

— Aren't you going to order, Mr. Lee? — You took him out of his thoughts.

— I only ordered a coffee, [Y/N], I'm not that hungry. — Sangyeon put away his phone and gave you his whole attention.

After his coffee and your fruit salad arrived, you casually talked about your plans for the next day. Not noticing everyone's eyes were on you two.

Not even in the meeting room you noticed the businessmen gossiping around, you just assumed they were talking about, well, business. 

The next day finally arrived, and room service was like your alarm to get off the bed. 

"Courtesy from the house" the bellman said. 

You sent Sangyeon a message to tell him you were having your breakfast in your room and that it would be ok for him to join, but he rejected the offer saying he was already having breakfast with some colleague at the restaurant. 

After finishing, you grabbed one of the bikinis you packed and got ready to enjoy the pool.

— Hi! — A voice called your attention when you were looking for your sunglasses.

A guy with black hair and tattoos was right in front of you. 

— Hi.

— I wasn't sure if you were the lady from the meeting room. I'm Kevin.

— [Y/N]. — You gazed over him, watching him sit down on the chair beside yours. — Are you an investor?

— I'm one of the organizers, actually. — You slightly panicked. — I wanted to talk to you yesterday, but you didn't seem to have a moment away from Mr. Lee.

— Yeah, he often forgets small but important details and I have to remind him.

— Oh, so you're his assistant? — Kevin sounded genuinely surprised.

— I am, is there a problem?

— No, I think it's smart of him to bring his assistant. Most of these men think they know everything and often humiliate themselves. 

— Tell me about it, in all the work trips I've been since I started to work for Mr. Lee, at least one man interrupts the head of the investors and ends up being kicked out of the meeting. 

— Oh I've seen it happen, it's really funny. Anyways, didn't mean to interrupt your free day, but let me take you for a drink or two. How about your next free day?

— The day after tomorrow? 

— Sure, I know those meetings can be exhausting, can't imagine how tired you end up. So, is it ok for you?

— Yeah, let me know the time.

You watched Kevin leave and finally got into the pool when he was out of your sight.

And he was right about the meetings. Businessmen always liked to show off their intelligence, thinking they knew more than the rest. Sangyeon would look at you from time to time, to make sure you weren't too tired.

— I can excuse you if you want to leave. — He whispered in your ear. You swallowed hard.

— And miss this? No way. — You whispered back, making him giggle. 

Your eyes then were caught by Kevin's, he was giving you a teasing look that left you feeling uneasy.

The next night, you dressed casually and went to the bar of the hotel. On your way to the elevator, you met Sangyeon and the colleague he had breakfast with the other day.

— Going somewhere special? — Sangyeon arched his brow when he saw how well dressed you were.

— Yeah, going to the bar, a friend invited me. — You didn't exactly want to tell him that one of the organizers invited you.

— That's great, have a good time, just don't forget…

— We have the last meeting tomorrow, I know. I won't come back late. — Sangyeon smiled and let you go. 

— How long have you been working with Mr. Lee. — Kevin asked, already three drinks in.

You sighed. — Two years, but I started in the archive until he realized I was acting like his assistant so he decided to hire me as such.

— Nice, starting from the bottom… — You laughed and nodded. — I'm going to say this before I get too drunk. I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable.

— Why would you?

— Just me and my thoughts. They like to assume things. — You finished your drink and waited for him to talk. — I just thought you were either the wife or the affair. 

And fortunately you already swallowed your drink before he said those words because you would've choked. 

— Why would you think that?

—  I mean, he brought you. Investors usually come alone.

— What do you mean?

— We only sent one invitation. Not saying he has done it in the past, everyone does things differently, but in this case, we only invited him and he asked for permission to bring someone, all expenses on him, of course. 

You couldn't believe him. What if this wasn't the first time? 

After getting another drink and changing topics, you two decided it was time to go back and sleep. You were still talking in the elevator when it reached Kevin's floor. He said goodnight and left, leaving you with your thoughts. 

Once you got to your floor, you calmly walked to your door, but a voice in your head convinced you it was a good time for answers. 

You knocked Sangyeon's door and waited, getting no answer. You knocked again, impatiently.

— [Y/N], it’s late, what’s wrong? — Sangyeon finally opened his door.

— Why did you bring me?

— What?

— You’re paying for my room and my “courtesies”, you thought I wouldn’t know? 

Sangyeon moved to let you in his room. You walked in and waited beside him.

— What’s so wrong about it? — He said after closing his door.

— You lied to me! You told me I was also invited and that the organizers were paying for my food and such. I work for you, why would you do this?

— Ok, let’s get this straight. You don’t work for me, you work with me. Without you I would forget half of the stuff I have to do during the day, I needed you here.

— Are you sure about that? Was paying for such an expensive hotel room necessary?

— Yes. — You closed your mouth surprised.

— Wow, this is beyond unprofessional, Sangyeon. 

— I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable, but ever since you started working in the company you haven’t had proper vacations.

— How about you hire someone else and I find somewhere else to work? — You asked. You tried to open the door, but Sangyeon had his whole weight on his arms, stopping you. 

— Are you seriously quitting right now? 

You didn’t turn around. — No, unlike you, I’m a professional. I’ll finish this trip, enjoy my last days here. You’ll have my resignation letter on your desk by Monday. 

He sighed and let you go. He couldn’t sleep that night.

The next morning, you sent him a message saying you'll have your breakfast in your room, so he could go to the restaurant without you. And Sangyeon thought you’d also miss the meeting, but you were waiting for him outside the meeting room.

— It’s not necessary, [Y/N], I'm pretty sure this meeting will be a recap of the other two. — Sangyeon said in a lower voice, not wanting the other businessmen to hear him.

You sighed. — Ms. Kim only invited the investors she was truly interested in working with. 

Sangyeon bit his lower lip fighting the urge to laugh. — I told you I needed you here. 

— Meeting is about to start, Mr. Lee. — You said, ignoring the butterflies in your stomach when you heard those words.

After the meeting, you waited for him to finish talk with Ms. Kim. You got distracted with the beautiful view the meeting room had. Sangyeon called your name after some minutes and you followed him, saying goodbye to Ms. Kim.

— Well, — Sangyeon and you stopped at your door. — Our flight is on Sunday.

— I know. See you then. — You opened your door and looked at him.

— I really hope you reconsider what you said last night. I promise this won’t happen again. 

— See you on Sunday, Mr. Lee. 

You were in the pool enjoying the warm water. The businessmen were already leaving. You noticed when Kevin was checking out. “I just thought you were either the wife or the affair” his words made echo in your head. God, who else thought that about you. He looked in your direction and waved goodbye. You smiled and waved back.

— May I? — Sangyeon’s voice made you turn around.

You shrugged and kept swimming, ignoring that he took off his shirt. After 5 minutes of complete silence, you sat on the edge of the pool and turned your head to talk to him.

— Was this the first time you did it? — You asked.

— What? Paying for a whole hotel room, first class flights, food and all-access bracelets for you? — He answered in a sarcastic tone. 

— And you still want me to work for you? — You turned your body this time.

— Of course. I know I should’ve told you, but would you have agreed to go all those times knowing I was paying for you? — You stayed silent. — Listen, if you decide to still work with me — Sanyeon made emphasis on the “with”. — I’ll still pay for you, you already do half of my job, just take it as a way to thank you. 

You got up and walked to the chair where your towel was. — Did you know some of those businessmen thought I was your wife or even your mistress? And I’m sure it’s not the first time people think that.

— I don’t know why people would think that, [Y/N], we don’t behave like a couple at all. Also, if it’s not true, why are you so worried? 

You stopped your tracks and turned around. — You don’t get it, do you? It has nothing to do with how we act, it’s you paying every single penny for me on these business trips that I shouldn't even be on. 

— Like I said, I’ll still pay for you if you decide to stay on the boat, and it’ll be the same with the next assistant. — Sangyeon got up and walked to you.

— Then I still stand by my decision to give you my resignation letter on Monday. — He was so close you could feel his breath. 

— We make such an amazing team, you have a good salary, I pay for your vacations. I don’t think you’ll be able to find another job like this one.

— Am I your assistant or your sugar baby, Sangyeon?

— I don't know, which one do you want to be?

— You're not implying that…

— It's your decision, pretty.

You didn't care how you looked, you were tired of fighting your inner you to look like a big girl for once. — Do you want me to be only your sugar baby? 

And Sangyeon loved the change of aura. — How about we have this very important conversation in my room. 

If walls could talk, you were sure Sangyeon's room would gasp before such a scene.

You were under him, hungrily kissing, both of your hands were held over your head with one hand of his while his free hand was exploring every inch of your naked skin, sending shivers from your spine to your cunt.

— Is here where you want me, pretty? — He asked in your ear, running his middle and index fingers over your clothed pussy. — Would you allow me to taste you?

— Please… I… 

Sangyeon let your arms go and got down on you, pulling down your bikini bottom. — Tell me if you want me to stop.

He started to lick, as if he was testing the waters. When you didn't show any type of discomfort, he continued by opening your folds with his fingers and finally giving your wet pussy a hard lick that made you moan really loud.

And he didn't give you a moment to breathe, he was sucking on your clit and toying with it with his tongue.

— Fuck… Daddy… please… — You sighed, pulling his hair.

— Are you close, pretty? — He said against your cunt.

You nodded and grabbed the pillows that were beside you before grabbing his face and pulling him to you. — Do you have condoms? 

Sangyeon kept fingering you. — I'm so glad they didn't go to waste this time. 

You giggled when you saw him rush to his backpack and take two metallic envelopes.

And you thought you were finally going to see his dick when he got back to the bed, but before you could say a word, he was back on your pussy, spreading your legs open to finish the job. You had to push him when he kept eating you out after you had your orgasm. 

— Do you remember how you just called me? — Sangyeon asked, taking out one of the condoms and rolling it down on his hard cock. 

— I don't think so. — You playfully said, sighing when you felt his tip against your entrance. 

— Make some memory because I want to hear it more often. 

The whole room was filled with moans, grunts and wet sounds. Your arms were back over your head while your tongues were fighting. You threw your head back with another loud moan when he brushed the spot.

— Right there, daddy. — You whined, hugging his hips with your legs. 

Sangyeon's hips took control and kept ramming against you, making the bed squeak.

Your juices were dripping to the bed, letting you know you were close. — Daddy… — You couldn't finish your sentence, you felt your whole body burning. Sangyeon kissed you and massaged your clit, receiving all your moans in his mouth. 

— Give it to me, pretty. Cum for me. — His grip on your wrists was deadly, there will be marks the next morning. 

You felt how you teared your throat with how loud you moaned while cumming. Sangyeon cummed right after with how tight your pussy was squeezing him.

After five minutes of cleaning yourselves, you went to the bathroom to pee while he was looking for something for you to wear.

— Do you know my room is next to yours, right? — You said, sitting down on his bed.

— Do you promise you'll come back? — He grabbed you by the chain and made you look up.

— Why wouldn't I come back? — Sangyeon gave you a sweet kiss and let you go, getting in the bathroom.

You went to your room to change clothes and pack all your things, leaving everything ready for the next morning. 

Once you were in your pajamas, you went to Sangyeon's room. He was already laying down waiting for you.

— Are you hungry? — He asked. He was now wearing sweatpants, but didn't bother to wear a shirt. And the slight tent under the pants gave you a hint that he also didn't have underwear on. 

— Kind of. — You crawled through the bed to him and straddled him.

— Do you want me to order something? — His hand shamelessly massaged your butt.

— I think we have a conversation pending, Mr. Lee. — You said before kissing his neck.

— Are you sure you want to have that conversation like this? Fuck… — You licked his neck all the way to his ear. — I don't want you to be my sugar baby, [Y/N]. — You stopped, but didn't move. — I want to start a romantic relationship with you. 

Your soul came back to your body, made you laugh. You hit him on his chest. — Is it too hard to ask me to be your girlfriend? 

Sangyeon pulled you to kiss you. — And about the job… 

— You already know my position on that. — You answered, intertwining your fingers with his.

— You said it yourself. You're a professional, but if you consider you can't separate our relationship at work, then I'll respect your decision.

— What about the rest of the workers?

— I'm the one signing the checks, pretty, if they want to doubt on the position you are in, then they can have a word with me.

The next morning, you turned off your alarm and stretched your body without opening your eyes. You giggled when you felt Sangyeon's lips on the skin of your back.

— Morning, pretty. — His raspy and deep voice made you clench around nothing.

You turned your body and kissed him. — Morning, handsome. 

— Call me cheesy, but it's my first night here sleeping the whole night. — Sangyeon kissed you again, pulling one of your legs over his waist.

You felt his morning wood and bit his lower lip, making him groan. — Do you have any plans for today? — You said over his lips.

— Enjoying this really comfortable bed with my girlfriend. — His hips buckled up, brushing his erection on your stomach. — And I was thinking of rescheduling our flight and staying a few more days.

Your hand traveled inside of his pajama pants and started massaging him. — That sounds lovely, but I don't think we have enough condoms for that.

— I can still order more. — His fingers pulled down your shorts and underwear before reaching for the condom that he left over the nightstand last night. 

You helped him with it and guided him to your entrance, feeling a pinch of pain for the lack of preparation. 

— How long do you want to stay? — Sangyeon asked over your lips, thrusting into you.

— How about you make me cum and then we can talk about anything you want? — Your finger dug in his back, leaving marks.

#kpop smut #the boyz smut #the boyz sangyeon smut #sangyeon smut #the boyz hard hours #sangyeon hard hours #the boyz sangyeon hard hours

[cookinguptales]

frank discussion of gynecological issues and frustrations with OBGYNs (especially re: chronic illness) under the cut, but I guess also potentially useful information for people who want to hear about it

so... some of you might remember when I was going to OGBYNs a little while ago. I have endometriosis and PMDD diagnoses, so going to OBGYNs isn't exactly unusual for me, but I ended up going to see more than I usually do.

this was largely because the hormonal therapy that I was taking for those disorders was starting to fail and I was bleeding a lot. like... for weeks at a time over a period of months. I had to deal with some... frustrating OBGYN advice in this time (such as the rage-inducing "well, women have to bleed") but I also discovered that like... I mean, I think I always knew that I had more vaginal pain than other people I know, but a lot of things hurt me so I just kind of... ignored it?

but they tried to put me on the nuva ring for a little while during this period and my body just... straight-up rejected it. it hurt like a bitch to put in, it kept coming out, I could feel it in there and it hurt, etc.

I ended up comparing notes with some other people I know and realized that my problems with insertion were probably more severe than I'd thought. like, it is not unusual for me to cry during pap smears and have cramping for days afterward. I cannot use tampons without massive pain. your body is not really supposed to physically expel something like a nuva ring several times a day. tmi I guess but I have not found penetration of any kind pleasant.

so I talked to... I want to say four or five different OBGYNs in this period, and none of them gave me a real reason for this. the prevailing attitude was mostly "oh yeah, that happens sometimes. lmao."

the best I could get was a diagnosis of "vaginismus" on my chart, and when I pressed for more information, they basically told me it was a psychological thing where your body is afraid of penetration so it clenches up and won't unclench. they literally grilled me on my history of sexual abuse to see if they could find the source of my dick phobia.

now... not to get too into it, but I do have a history of CSA -- but my pain problems predate it. I got my period relatively early and I've never been able to use tampons or anything like them. every time I've tried has ended in literal tears. again, cramping pain for days, even after the period itself has stopped.

so I get the dick phobia diagnosis from two different doctors, but one of them says she can do a transvaginal ultrasound if I'm really worried. we do this and it is uh. excruciating, honestly. thank god it was in California and they let me get high as a kite.

in the end, they can't find anything "physically" wrong with why I'm in pain and they send me on my way, dick phobia dx in hand.

today. today. YEARS later. I am googling tips on how to try a menstrual cup if you have vaginismus (prep for the trip abroad; I don't like Japanese pads) and I see someone saying "oh, I'm glad that treatment worked for you, my problems are because of ehlers-danlos syndrome."

you know, one of the chronic illnesses I have and one that I divulged to every OBGYN I saw.

what.

paging Dr. Google!!!

I come to find out that folks that have EDS, because of their connective tissue issues and extremely brittle skin, sometimes deal with extreme gynecological pain. it's partially pelvic floor issues, partially the fact that the skin in your vagina is breaking.

so all those times that I said "it feels like it's cutting me" or "it feels like knives" were probably because it was fucking cutting me. all those times I said I felt scraped raw for days was probably because abrasions take a long time to heal when you have EDS.

I cannot believe. I cannot believe. that I went into so many different OBGYNs who told me that my pain issues were because I had a psychological fear of dicks and when I told them I was a lesbian were like "oh well then problem solved" when actually my body was physically tearing. I had even seen blood sometimes and it had always been dismissed as spotting.

the anger I feel rn is indescribable, tbh. I never bought that my problems were all in my head (probably because doctors used that line on me so often when I was a kid and getting other chronic illnesses diagnosed) but the fact that gynecological health science is still so fucking awful that we shrug off pain that is the symptom of dangerous chronic illnesses as "well that happens sometimes" or "have you considered that maybe you're afraid of sex?"

I JUST

this reminds me of when I had to find out from a fucking tumblr post that vaginal secretions are made from blood rather than glands, so if you have bad blood pressure/flow it'll often cause itchiness/dryness/pain. bad blood flow like... idk... maybe POTS.

so again, it was actually one of my known chronic illnesses causing gynecological issues, not any of the other bullshit reasons doctors were giving me, like age or stress.

I hate that I'm fucking 33 years old and I still have to learn stuff like this from google searches. I still don't know how my shitty body works, and it's largely because of stuff like this. what the fuck. I'm so mad. why do doctors still treat vaginas like a fucking scary mystery?

I'm well aware that Dr. Google doesn't always know what the fuck it's talking about, but apparently neither do my doctors! which is why, yet again, I'm up all night reading medical journals in the vain attempt to figure out how to actually live my life!

ugh!!!

#also the idea that vaginal pain only matters bc of sex and potentially deadly gynecological issues only matter bc of fertility #like your organs are only useful for sex or babies #and just not wanting to fucking hurt in daily life doesn't actually matter #makes me feel like my body is only useful when it can be used by others #hate that! #cw: #gynecology #ehlers danlos syndrome #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #ask to tag ig

[stevenssacrab]

Pathetic

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ✧ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ*

Summary: Steven forgets a vital anniversary dinner, and a fight ensues, both of you saying things you'll regret, and when you truly learn what life is like without Steven, he returns

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Depressed reader, arguing, reader and Steven being very mean to each other

Word Count: 1.6k

a/n: First fic ever! Hope y'all like it, I worked very hard on it and overthought a lot of course lol. I'm open to suggestions on how I can improve, please be nice though I'm a sensitive girl, I will cry about it lmao

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ✧ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ*

It started with something minor: Steven forgetting to put his clothes in the laundry basket, not putting his dishes back, or something as simple as not using a coaster on the coffee table. Usually, you would brush it off, but today was the breaking point; Steven had forgotten your anniversary dinner.

You waited for hours, but after a few hours, you knew he wasn't coming home anytime soon. After a certain point, you didn't see a reason to still be dressed, changing into one of Steven's hoodies, missing his calm scent. You decided to heat up some disappointing leftovers compared to the lovely dinner you thought you'd be enjoying by now; you were cleaning up the kitchen when you heard the front door open. Sighing deeply, preparing yourself for the argument you knew was coming.

Steven's heavy footsteps are heard sauntering towards the kitchen, each step making you more anxious than the last. He rounds the corner, not even meeting your eyes, just tossing his lunch back into the fridge.

"Well?" you said, clearly annoyed that he hadn't spoken a word since walking in.

"Well what Y/N?" he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, already at his wit's ends

You scoff, smiling in disbelief. "Honestly, Steven, do you even know what day it is today?" a not-so-subtle dig at his current mental state. Steven looks up at you pitifully, clearly not wanting to fight, but you're way past that. "Steven, we had dinner planned tonight," voice a little louder than intended. "Can't you just get your head on straight for one day and remember our plans?" you say, throwing your hand towel on the counter; you walk around the kitchen island, not breaking eye contact.

"Y/N, please, I don't wanna do this today; Donna was on my ass all day; I really can't do this right now."

"Steven you do this every time, anytime I want to talk to you, you never have time for me." throwing your hands up in frustration.

"Y/N" he says, warning you; he looks into your eyes with an intensity you've never seen before

"No Steven! Why do you alwa-"

"STOP!" he booms loudly, slamming his fist on the counter. "Do you ever stop!? It's never enough for you," he says, stepping closer to you, looking down at you, making you feel 2 inches tall. "Do you think you're the only one trying?" he says with venom laced in every word. "How about the little effort you put in, and I'm always the one in the wrong?" stepping even closer, slowly backing you into a corner.

You've never seen Steven this angry; he's usually so sweet, caring, and understanding; seeing him like this was terrifying.

"Stev-" you squealed out.

"NO Y/N! YOU LISTEN TO ME, ALRIGHT" he hissed out, eyes wide and body tense. "I've had enough; I'm never gonna be enough for you, am I?" he barked, lowering his head.

"I can't do this anymore; I'm done," he said quietly. He was looking down at the floor, avoiding your eyes once again.

"What?" you asked, afraid of the answer, reaching out your hands to hold him, but he only swats your hands away.

"I'm done; I can't do this anymore. You're pathetic," he declared, looking at you as if you were the scum of the earth.

"Wait, Steven, please just listen to me," you pleaded, following behind him as he headed out the door. "STEVEN!" you cried, tears rolling down your face.

Steven starts his car, ignoring your cries, pulling out of your driveway, tears threatening to boil over.

You just stood in the doorway, watching him drive away, in denial that this is happening. Could this really be the end? You think back to all the times you complained to Steven that he was never doing enough for you, that he never had time for you, accusing him of never loving you. You slowly close the door, knees finally giving out from under you, wondering how they've kept you up this long; you pull your knees to your chest, holding onto them for dear life. You let out a sob that you're positive your neighbors could hear, but that was the least of your worries.

You don't know when, but at some point, you went to bed; when you woke up, you had almost forgotten what had happened, and more tears filled your eyes at the thought of never seeing Steven again.

You reached for your phone, attempting to call Steven. It rang once and went straight to voicemail, "he's avoiding me," you admitted sadly. "Hey, this is Steven. You know what to do, later gators." You smiled at Steven's cute little phrase, recalling every time you ended a call with him. Mentally scolding yourself for letting something so beautiful go, someone who loved and cherished you wholeheartedly.

The past few days have been debilitating; everything reminds you of Steven; every thought leads back to Steven, and all roads lead back to Steven. Food has tasted bland, flavorless, and unpalatable; you stopped craving food after the first day, eating strictly for your survival and well-being. All the color has left the world, leaving everything dull and achromic; every conversation has been quick and compressed, not having the energy to carry out an entire conversation or participate in society. Everyone around you has noticed you're less cheerful than you used to be, and everyone has physically pointed it out to you.

"Hey, are you okay? You seem kinda down?" Or "Did something happen?"

It's been driving you crazy; yes, you know you're depressed. Why must everyone point it out as if you don't feel it yourself? It's made you very snappy at everyone, chewing out anyone who dares to ask; word got out that you and Steven broke up, then started the looks of pity. Any time you met anyone's eyesight, they would give you a glimpse of sympathy and a sad smile; you almost preferred them asking if you were okay over the pity smiles and whispered conversation when they think you're out of earshot.

Today was your day off. Luckily, on these days, you choose to lay in bed all day, looking at old photos of you and Steven and weeping when it all becomes too much.

You were lying in bed when you heard your doorbell ring; you groaned loudly and crawled out of bed; you sighed deeply, not mentally prepared to have a conversation with someone right now. You throw open the door, already annoyed at whoever is at your door; you look up and see Steven standing in front of you, not looking any better than you, to your surprise.

"Hey," he uttered, looking at the ground. "Can we talk?" he said, looking at you with pleading eyes. "Please," he says when you don't answer.

"Y-Yeah, come in," you utter, stepping back, feeling your heart beat out of your chest.

"Thank you," he said, walking up timidly, nodding his head shyly, stepping quickly, afraid you might change your mind; you're blinking your eyes to make sure he's actually in front of you and not hallucinating.

He sat on your gray couch, shifting every few seconds and running his sweaty palms on his pants, notably very uncomfortable. You walk around the sofa and sit in a loveseat across from him, afraid he'll leave if you get too close.

He clears his throat before speaking. "I-" he stutters out, not knowing where to begin; he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a piece of paper.

"Y/N, I know I've said some truly awful things to you, and I deeply regret what I've said; I feel awful how everything played out, and there were much better ways to redirect my emotions and not take them out on you. My actions are unforgivable, and I take full responsibility. In the future, instead of lashing out unfairly at you, I will do my best to communicate properly and not keep how I feel buried inside. I understand I can't fix everything, but if you let me, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make up for my mistakes and make things right." He said, voice cracking, and cleared his throat awkwardly, folding the paper and putting it into his back pocket.

You are stunned, not knowing what to say; you play with your fingers nervously.

"Oh, Steven," you say, gently grabbing his hands and moving next to him on the couch. Steven tightly grips your hands, scared you'll slip through his fingers.

"I feel like I should be apologizing to you, sweetie," you say softly, raising your hand to cup his cheek. Steven, smiling softly at the affectionate name, leans into your touch, gently grabbing your hand and kissing the palm. Your cheeks heated up slightly at the display of affection.

"I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am." You blinked away the tears. "I took you for granted, my love; I promise you as long as I live, I will treat you like the king you are," you say, looking deep into his dark brown eyes. Steven's eyes fill with tears; he pulls you into a tight hug, letting the emotion take over as he lets out a sob, hugging you tighter than before.

You caress Steven's back and let him cry. "I'm so sorry Y/N" he whimpered, body shaking violently.

"It's alright, my love." You pull back, meeting Steven's eyes.

Steven pulls you into a passionate kiss, holding onto you as if his life depended on it; you grip his shirt and pull him in to deepen the kiss, your heart beating out of your chest; you roam your hands on his chest and stomach, sliding your cold hands underneath Steven shirt. He gasps softly, pulling away from you.

"I love you Y/N" he says confidently, never being more sure in his life.

"I love you too Steven."

#moon knight #moon kingdom #steven grant #oscar issac imagine #oscar issac hernandez estrada #oscar issac fic #marvel #marvel smut #marvel x reader #steven grant hurt/comfort #steven grant angst #steven grant fluff #jennys.work

[divinesouldariax]

Ashton Greymoore: Chronic Pain, Physical Touch, and the Juxtaposition of Toughness and Vulnerability

(Spoilers up to episode 38 of campaign 3 of Critical Role)

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about Ashton in the context of the recent confirmation in canon that they experience chronic pain, and I’ve just finally managed to put all (or at least, most) of my thoughts about it in the same place.

We got this exchange in the most recent episode of 4-Sided Dive, during a segment where Taliesin was talking about how Ashton is changing the way they think about his past and what it might mean, after saying that he’s starting to trust the group more:

(Four-Sided Dive episode 8: Why are you like this?!):

Tal: Just…like, to throw out–Ashton only, like, really touched another member of the group very recently. There hadn’t been a lot of close physical contact until like, the last game (Sam: Whoa). That was the first, like…yeah.

Sam: Is that a thing?

Tal (matter-of-factly): Uh, yeah!

Sam: Not a toucher?

Tal: Everything hurts.

Sam (incredulously, still trying to wrap his mind around it): Everything hurts?

Tal: Everything hurts.

Matt: Yeah.

Sam: Always?

Tal: Yeah. Uhh–

Matt: Chronic pain, man.

Tal: Beating the living fuck out of things helps you ignore it, and yeah, once this (gestures at head, indicates Ashton’s rage) starts going, it kind of lessens, but yeah. It’s just, everything’s always low-key bad. Not even that low-key. (Sam: Wow.) Yeah. It’s why they’re a dick. (laughs)…But yeah, there was an actual like, “oh god, okay, physical contact, this is happening. Alright. Okay.

The moment it seems like Taliesin is referring to where Ashton allowed physical contact was this sequence with Orym:

(Campaign 3 episode 38: A Dark Balance)

Marisha (as Laudna): We’re like a…a real family.

Liam (as Orym): Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

Tal (as Ashton): Could be.

Liam (as Orym): Get down here. (puts arm around Ashton’s shoulders and tugs them down towards the tree)

Tal (as Ashton): No, I–careful, I–yep, yep, okay, this is weird.

Liam: I start to give him a noogie, but it hurts.

Everyone else: (laughing and agreeing)

Tal (as Ashton): Yeah, this is weird. Ah, this is weird…okay. No, I’m okay. I’m okay. (continues mumbling in what seems like a forced-calm voice and looking unsure)

Ashton’s obvious uncertainty about this contact (especially when he said “careful”, which I missed on my first watch because there was cross-talk happening) rang so, so true as a “I don’t actually mind you touching me, but I am very nervous that you’re accidentally going to hurt me” thought process. This is a process I’m personally very familiar with as someone who experiences chronic pain (I had to tell a preschooler multiple times today that she needed to hold onto more of my hand than just my pinky while she was balancing on the bench or she might hurt me because I was genuinely quite worried that she was going to dislocate my finger if she fell, lmao). 

Like a lot of things that Ashton does, it seemed to have registered with the other players and with the audience as an “I’m edgy, I don’t have friends, and I certainly don’t let people hug me” schtick. Which is, of course, the point.

Ashton swears and presents punk and pushes people away and is (as Tal said) just generally a dick to distract people from their chronic pain and his loneliness. 

And it works! It’s extremely effective! Absolutely none of what I’m saying is intended as negative criticism of any of the people involved (because I think this is going to be resolved in-game, and I also wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a conversation happening behind the scenes as well, even though Sam still seems completely bewildered by the concept of chronic pain lmao), but the edgy charade works so well that even characters who are usually thoughtful and careful tend to overstep boundaries and assume that Ashton is always fine with their body being used as a resource and can take extra pain. And Ashton doesn’t give them any obvious reason not to keep doing so! 

Some examples:

(Campaign 3 episode 24: The Hellcatch Valley)

Tal (rolls a nat 1 dex save, Ashton ends up with a harpoon bolt through his side and 24 points of piercing damage. As Ashton, sarcastically, after it takes everyone a minute to notice): I'm sorry. You were all busy. I didn't want to interrupt anything!

(Some scrambling to help, they end up pulling the harpoon out)

Sam: I’ll cast Cure Wounds…just a level one. You heal 10 points.

Tal (as Ashton): That is good. Ow! Ow. Well, it's been a great day. I'm going back to sleep. Goodbye. (laughter from the group, continues OOC and quietly, unacknowledged by the rest of the players) I don't make it to the bed. I just fall over.

(The party returns to their previous conversation)

And:

(Campaign 3 episode 28: The Deathwish Run)

Liam: Orym springs up and lands and sits on Ash's shoulder– (needing a higher vantage to keep an eye out over a crowd)

Tal (as Ashton): “Ah–” (startled, possible pain, but accepts it and helps steady Orym)

Liam: –but I want to look for anyone that we recognize.

This one in particular stands out to me because Orym very clearly does not ask if it’s okay to use them as a perch, or give Ashton much of a chance to respond. There’s too much going on at the time to Taliesin to respond, either, since Otohon Thull and Ratanish walk over to them immediately, but based on what Tal said in the most recent 4-Sided Dive, it’s very possible that Ashton would have rejected that contact given the moment to do so. Tal may have even dismissed it as something Ashton wouldn’t have let happen but there wasn’t a good time to retcon it, which is why he phrased the statement about the contact in episode 38 being the first time he’s allowed it.

Other examples that I didn’t want to search through transcripts for, in the category of “Ashton does a Thing even though he knows it will Hurt without telling anybody that it hurts, whether that’s because somebody asks/demands it of them or of their own volition”:

Ashton carrying the statue out of Jiana Hexum’s house for Fearne

Carrying Orym inside after he fell off the skyship

Carrying FCG up and down ladders in the Fownsee Hollow

Carrying Laudna’s body for miles

And then there’s every time Ashton is very vocally expressing that he’s in pain (they’re not subtle about it lmao) and doesn’t get checked in with afterwards. Some examples of this are:

During the carnivorous plant fight in the jungle

The aforementioned harpoon incident

Later that day when he rolls a nat 1 to swing the hammer and ends up dropping it in obvious pain (“Ow! OW. Ohh, yep, can’t do that. I–ahh, yep, gonna go pick that up.” in exactly the same tone and cadence that I hear from myself when I’ve just done something that I should have known was going to fuck up a joint, especially when I’ve got another injury compounding the baseline pain)

Sometimes they do get checked in with, at least briefly, but usually not past the initial “cast a healing spell and move on because there’s too much happening to really take the time to make sure they’re okay” stage:

The Ratanish fight at the ball when Dorian secretly casts Cure Wounds

The time Ashton gets Phantasmal Killer cast on them during the fight where they meet Dusk/Yu and Orym takes his hand to lead them back over to the group, and Fearne casts a Cure Wounds afterwards

Still, as Taliesin said, Ashton only very recently started feeling more comfortable being vulnerable with the party. It’s why they asked Imogen and FCG to check their memories, why he allowed himself the “Ashton, are you going soft on us?” “No! Yes. Fuck. I need a drink.” confession after the “You make me happy” speech, why they didn’t pull away when Orym put an arm around him. Previous attempts to ask them about their pain probably wouldn’t have resulted in them opening up. But now? They’re changing.

We really are seeing an Ashton who’s going soft. Again. “I was soft, once”, and he’s returning to that state: not physically reverting back to a non-genasi body, of course, but just letting down the emotional rock walls that have been protecting an affectionate, caring, genuine interior, of a person who desperately wants to be vulnerable, and just needs a little convincing (as he admits to Fearne, “I'm having this moment where I'm realizing that perhaps one of the reasons why I allow myself to get the shit kicked out of me is in the hope that people are actually fucking watching.”). He needs these people to prove that they’re not about to leave him, not about to realize his weaknesses (even though he wears most of them on their skin like a signpost–if they just keep acting tough, if there’s no cracks in his facade like there are in his body, then nobody will notice) and abandon him like their last family did, before they’ll let themself be truly vulnerable.

And it’s why, I hope, something will shift in the way that Ashton and the party respond to his pain. I would love an acknowledgement that chronic pain brings limitations, that they let the disabled character be disabled (preferably mechanically, because I know they can incorporate that kind of mechanic–they’ve done it before with mental illness, with Caleb, with Imogen, with FCG, and it would mean so much to me if the same sort of consideration could go into a physically disabled character’s mechanics. But I would accept pure story/flavor acknowledgement as well). 

I also hope there’s going to be an in-game conversation about how Ashton feels about being touched, letting him set boundaries and tell the party specifically what hurts too much, when to ask permission, when not to touch at all, and when and where it would be welcome.

It’s obviously something Taliesin is thinking about, and I think it deserves to be discussed in-character. This period of time where they’re stuck on a skyship with nothing plot-urgent happening seems like a perfect time to have those conversations…(holding out hope for that next episode lol). 

This all ties in with my last post about the topic (it doesn’t have to hurt more to be love!), and it’s something I obviously feel very passionately about lmao. I want to see a disabled person with chronic pain that does limit them, that inconveniences their friends sometimes, and I want to see them get loved and cared for and accommodated because their pain is a part of them, and it’s not something that can or should be ignored.

In other words, as Matt said, “To clarify, there is strength, and there is pain. There is pain, and there is strength.” Pain and strength, strength and pain, equally present, equally important to his life and to their character. We’ve seen so much of Ashton’s strength. It’s time to let them show their pain.

#ashton greymoore #critical role #critical role meta #bell's hells #critical role campaign 3 #yeah i'm main-tagging this #everyone should read my essay i worked hard on it #edit: i added the 'get hit to see if people are watching' quote #bc i woke up this morning reread the essay and very strongly regretted forgetting it the first time #bc it's SO important to the way i view ashton's character #incomplete analysis without it

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I'm very late to the party it seems, because only after getting more weird asks than usual, and a few explicitly naming the bloggers involved did I learn today of the ugliness that went down a short while ago. Storm has already said her bit and I respect her choice to quietly step back so this isn't me resurrecting a dead horse to bludgeon. I'm writing this because I've been on the receiving end of this sort of campaign before, have seen it play out too many times with the same types of people, and because I want it on record somewhere that I don't know anybody here personally (a conscious choice) but that all my dealings with Storm showed her to be a forthright and thorough person. And even if she wasn't, that wouldn't excuse any of this bullshit.

Normally if this were a private matter I'd keep my opinion to myself after all I don't know any of you. But the moment anybody brings this shit into the public then anybody gets to have a go at it. We've all seen these sorts of takedown posts before, and I'm not always opposed to them because sometimes they're for good reason. If someone is actually racist, or idk a serial killer, it's good for the public to know that shit. Differing opinions on jikook being real, someone cussing you out, or blocking liberally do not meet that threshold for me, but everyone's different.

When I see these takedowns happen, including when it happened to me, I've observed it usually involves HCP personalities in this blogging space that take certain actions extremely personally and nurse grievances until it festers into fuel for drama that they gratify in because in their heads they believe they’ve been scorned and therefore are right. They usually think in a very tribal sense, rope other people in and force people into camps of friend, neutrals, and foe, and wear their egos on their sleeves.

In my case, I'd only been blogging here actively for less than 5 months before a pair of bloggers and their followers accused me of feuding with them, using them for clout, and that my opinions on my blog somehow prevented them from running their own blog and speaking freely. They'd been nursing that grievance for months with the followers who felt as they did, while I was oblivious, blogging with abandon so to speak, even interacting with them, until the call-out post. And my followers had been receiving messages about how much of a horrible bitch I am (I mean, I can be a bitch but hadn't been to anyone here at that point).

Thankfully I hadn't been blogging for long so most people could go through my blog to read what I actually think, see how I actually engage, and decide for themselves if anything those bloggers said made any sense. Storm has a longer blogging history and the campaign against her more widespread since she was very active in jikook spaces, plus she legit needs a break so I get why she's decided to take one now. I still get weird asks from people who claim to be devoted to those bloggers and that shit, that behaviour, that mentality is ugly. The point here is too many people take shit personally and then try to make it everyone's problem. Some HCP people can't help it if they have those sorts of personalities, but that doesn't excuse it. Seeing shit like this just kills the vibe for anyone who doesn't get high off that nonsense, and it further frays whatever community people are trying to build here. I usually keep my distance but I admire the people who have tried, even if only in public, to connect with people here and build community. Not everyone has to like everyone else, but there's enough abuse and BS to jokers from outside the community and fandom, for anyone to think their momentary satisfaction is worth poisoning this space, or character assassinating someone else.

Apparently anyone who has voiced support for Storm, has themselves become a target, and that in itself should tell you how weird this all is lmao.

For the people flooding my inbox who think we're in kindergarten and I should declare where my loyalties lie, get a fucking grip. If you have a problem with my arguments or views, I'm always happy to engage on that basis. But if you think me liking Storm and interacting with her posts is reason enough for you to act a fool in my inbox, you must be high out of your goddamn mind. Take my advice and block me because nobody here has time for all that. Vous pouvez vous attendre à être complètement ignoré par moi à partir de ce moment. J'ai entendu dire que le sexe anal peut soulager la pression sur la tête, vous pouvez l'essayer et me dire si cela fonctionne. Ça, je le posterai sur le blog. Tout le reste sera supprimé.

Borahae. 💜

#small psa

[floating-mid-air]

Under The Mistletoe

-

Hi everyone! I've returned once again. Firstly, I want to say thank you for 200 hundred followers! It's crazy to think that someone as inconsistent as I am could reach 200 followers. So I've decided to do a little two hundred followers special! This is part one (of two lmao) of holiday-winter-themed fics. (The other one I have planned is a Goku x reader btw) 

And thank you so much for your constant love and support. I never would've thought there'd be so many people who would actually enjoy my writing. I've been writing for practically my entire life, and I always get bored of the fandom I'm momentarily obsessed with, but I always seem to come back to this one. And I think it's because of all the kind words and support. And as always, my DM's/comments are always open if you have any comments, questions, or concerns.

-

Hey you! Yes you! Check out my Masterlist

-

Paring: Vegeta x F Reader

Rating: None

-

During this time of year, there's always one thing you know you can look forward to. And that's Bulma's yearly holiday party. You're not sure how she does it, but she seems to outdo herself every year. And even if the party wasn't extravagant, you'd still look forward to it. Because the most important thing to you is being around all of your closest friends, having all the people you love together for at least one day out of the year.

Usually, You'd be skipping, singing carols all the way to Bulma's. Nothing could ruin your good mood. But this year is different. This year you have the Grinch trailing behind you. You and Vegeta have been "together" for a while now. You've never defined your relationship, but you think you're dating? Nothing's ever clear with that man. And if you asked, you know you wouldn't get a clear answer. He'd probably just yell at you, calling you a "foolish woman."

With every step you take, your disdain for Vegeta's grumbling grows. Normally you can deal with his chronic complaining. You even tend to find it amusing, but not today. "Can you at least pretend to be happy?" You snap at him. It was bound to happen. It's a miracle that you lasted as long as you did. 

"That would be a waste of my energy. Besides, my awful mood is your fault." Vegeta scoffs. "Dragging me to the blue-haired woman's absurd gathering.... with your idiotic friends."

"They're your friends too." You roll your eyes. He's sometimes just so infuriating.  

"They are not my friends! I put up with Kakarot and those earthlings for your sake."

"You're such a killjoy." You sigh. You're not even sure why you keep bringing Vegeta to these events. The only thing it seems to do is ruin your day. "If you're going to keep acting like this. You can just hog the buffet table with Goku and then sulk in a corner of the room like you always do." You won't let Vegeta's crummy attitude bring you down any more than it already has. So you do the thing every responsible adult does in a healthy relationship. You ignore Vegeta the rest of the way to Bulma's place.

You finally get to your destination. You walk through the front door with Vegeta only a few steps behind. "You're here!" Bulma shouts, running over to you, throwing her arms around you. When she pulls away, her gaze lands on Vegeta, who is now standing beside you. "Vegeta." She rolls her eyes at him. It's no secret that the pair don't get along. Vegeta grunts, nodding his head. It's clear that's the best response she'll get. "Come on, the others are already here."

Bulma leads you further into her house, but you're stopped when Yamcha enters the hallway. "Bulma, can you tell--- Oh, hey, Y/N.... Vegeta." Before Bulma can scold him for not waiting in the main room like she asked, he speaks again. "Hey, look, Mistletoe." He wiggles his brows at you. You look at the ceiling to find the familiar green plant hovering above your head. You've always found mistletoe to be pretty. It's always perfectly tied together with a bow. "You know what that means."

"What are you going on about, you moron?" Vegeta furrows his brows at the taller man. 

"When someone's standing under the mistletoe, you kiss them. It's just a fun holiday tradition." Bulma tells him.

Vegeta scoffs. "What an idiotic tradition. It's pathetic, even. Do humans really need an excuse to kiss their lovers?"  

"Oh, come on, Vegeta. It's bad luck if you don't kiss her." Vegeta rolls his eyes at Yamcha's explanation. There's no such thing as luck. You work hard to succeed. "Well, fine, I guess I'll have to do it then."

Vegeta's head snaps toward him, his eyes narrowing. "Come near her, and I'll snap you in two!"

Yamcha holds up his hands defensively. "I was joking!" He shifts to move behind Bulma. "I don't have a death wish." He mumbles under his breath.

You turn to Vegeta, crossing your arms at him. "Oh, you can't be serious!" Vegeta shouts. "You'd let that neanderthal put his lips on you because you're standing under a stupid plant?"

"I'd let you kiss me under the mistletoe." You've never really thought about kissing your partner under the mistletoe before. It's not like you've chalked it up to be the most romantic holiday gesture of all time. But just for once, you wish Vegeta would go along with your "silly" human traditions. 

"Well, that's not going to happen." He turns his head away from your gaze. "I'm not going to degrade myself like that."

You huff, puffing out your cheeks. "Fine. Forget it." Your face falls as you push past Yamcha and Bulma, walking away from Vegeta.

"Someone's in the doghouse," Yamcha mutters.  

"Oh, come on, woman!" Vegeta shouts. "You can't seriously be upset over something so trivial?"

As the night goes on, it becomes clear to Vegeta that your annoyance with him wasn't just one of your temporary moods. You'd normally come over to him and pull him out of his solitude at these events. But right now, you refuse to meet his gaze. You won't even look in his general direction. Looks like Yamcha was finally right about something. Because Vegeta is definitely in your doghouse. If he knew something as stupid as refusing a small gesture of affection would upset you so much, he would've just done it before. 

Vegeta huffs, swallowing what's left of his pride. You, a human woman, with your pathetic human emotions, have no right to have this much control over him. Vegeta strolls over to you, grabbing your wrist, pulling you up off the couch. "Vegeta!" You shout as he begins dragging you away. "What the hell? Where are you taking me!" You finally break free of his grip when you enter the hallway. "Why are we out here?"

He ignores you, placing his arms on your shoulders. He moves you a bit forward. "Stay there."

"Stop ordering me around! I'm not doing anything until you explain!"

He sighs. "You daft woman. Look up!" You shift your gaze up at the ceiling only to find the same green plant that was hovering over your head just hours ago. 

"But I thought you think kissing under the mistletoe is stupid?"

"Oh, believe me, I do." He pauses, his cheeks flushing. "But it'll make you happy." 

"Vegeta." Before you can get another word out, he places his lips on yours. His lips feel so warm, as they move softly against your own. This is nothing like your usual kisses. Rather than taking your breath away, he's settled for making your heart swell.

He pulls away, placing his forehead on yours. "Are you pleased?"

"One more." Your voice is barely audible, but Vegeta definitely heard you.

He smirks. "You're getting greedy." But he complies, teasingly brushing his lips against yours. 

"Vegeta." You whine against his lips, causing him to chuckle. He decides to stop teasing you, firmly pressing his lips against yours. Your lips are like a drug to him. Every time he gets a taste, he just wants more. Maybe he's truly the greedy one? He pulls you closer, wanting to feel more of you. But before things can go any further, you pull away from him. "We... We need to stop." You pant, putting some space between you.

"You're usually the one begging me not to stop." He snorts.

"Vegeta!" Your face flushes. "L- Let's go back inside." You grab his hand, pulling him back to the party. Maybe this whole Mistletoe thing isn't so bad after all? In fact, Vegeta can see himself getting used to it. Think of all the opportunities he'll have to fluster you in the future.    

#vegeta x reader #dragon ball x reader #dragon ball fanfiction

[meowzfordayz]

picnic

Author’s Note: planned to write an emergency request tn, but this suggestion begged to be written instead. 🙋🏻‍♀️

picnic

Rengoku Kyojuro x Reader

Word Count: ~1,000

CW: none

Suggestion Fulfilled: Imagine having a picnic with Rengoku and it’s fluffy and a perfect date :3 

~faqs~

Picnic!Kyojuro who brings up the idea of a picnic date early on in your relationship, but doesn’t actually get around to planning one for ~months

He’s busy, yanno ?? Planning all your other dates 😌

Not that you don’t plan dates as well !! But like- He wants to do everything w/ you

If you give him your weekend, then you’re up at 7am, and in bed by 11pm — not a minute wasted, and still a full 8 hrs of rest 🤓

Picnic!Kyojuro who spends weeks scouting for the ~best spot

Picnic!Kyojuro who knows you like the idea of grass more than the actual experience of it (don’t mind my self insert lmao… grass is itchy), so he’s sure to bring a waterproof tarp (he doesn’t want you to stress about ruining any blankets) + plenty of blankets + cushions

Picnic!Kyojuro who finally decides on a sunlit patch underneath an old willow tree situated in a local nature reservation

Picnic!Kyojuro who almost settled on the field at the local library, but worried that public = less PDA, and why would he consciously deprive himself of PDA ??

Picnic!Kyojuro who loooves PDA 🥰

Subtle and not so subtle — depending on your comfort

Picnic!Kyojuro who rouses your suspicion when he allows you to sleep in on a Saturday: “What time should I set my alarm for?” Alarm? Sunflower, there’s no need for an alarm. 😃 “Excuse me?” 🧐 No alarm! Just rest. 🤗 “Are you feeling okay?” 😶 Of course! 😇 “Okay…”

Suspicious or not, you’re absolutely cashing in on this rare opportunity to NOT watch the sun rise 🙃

Sunrises are glorious, buuut so is SLEEP

Picnic!Kyojuro who silently slips out of bed no later than 7:01am, even tucking your favorite stuffed animal of his under your arm lest you desire cuddles amidst your slumber

Picnic!Kyojuro who texts you

7:04AM Kyojuro: Good morning darling! I am fine! Go back to sleep!

Juuust in case

Picnic!Kyojuro who puts together a hefty basket of everything you often want to buy/eat, but can’t normally justify spending $ on it

For me this means: crisp baguette, fancy cheeses, fresh fruits, avocado, and smoked salmon

(I was going to specify what was in the basket, but food is such a vast, unique, sometimes painful topic, so to each their own imagination 💓)

Picnic!Kyojuro who’s grateful you rarely check the second fridge (c’mon, this man eats — he 100% owns a second fridge), bc that’s where he hid all the goods

~flashback to last night~ I am home❣️ “Do you want help bringing stuff in?” 💪 NO! 😳 “... okay ??” 😆

Picnic!Kyojuro who packs another basket w/ aforementioned tarp, blankets, and cushions; and plates, utensils, and napkins

If you think he’ll let you carry one, then think again 🤠 He knows you’re strong — he just lowkey wants to flex 😎

Carrying ~stuff ≠ Showing off 😤

Picnic!Kyojuro who loads everything into the car’s trunk before returning to wake you

Picnic!Kyojuro who feels somewhat guilty as he presses himself into your back, his heat seeping through your body, slowly nudging you to consciousness

“You said I could sleep in,” you mumble drowsily, grumpiness softened by the touch of his thumb across your cheek

“You did! It is 8am! Time for today’s activity!”

Picnic!Kyojuro who usually has a plethora of activities on the agenda, so you’re borderline hopeful at the lack of plurality in his statement

Maybe you’ll get to nap afterwards ??

I don’t mean to make you seem ungrateful btw 😅 I just hc Kyo to be an enthusiastic go-go-go-! partner… frequently to an endearing fault 🥴

You can always say no! But like… it’s Kyo !! so it’s also just… hard to say no 🥺😂

Picnic!Kyojuro who hands you cozy sweatpants (autumn breeze + autumn sunshine = perfect weather), a cotton shirt, and one of his sweatshirts

Picnic!Kyojuro who—once you’re dressed—happily interlaces his fingers w/ yours, squeezes gently, and leads you to the passenger seat

Picnic!Kyojuro who opens the door for you

Duh

Picnic!Kyojuro who doesn’t tell you where you’re going, drives patient and steady, and chuckles when you inevitably nod off

Picnic!Kyojuro who manages to set everything up while you’re snoozing in the parking lot (for the sake of fanfiction: nobody’s around yet — you’re safe and sound)

Tarp, then blankets, then cushions; colorful tupperware organized neatly by genre (of snackage); forks, knives, and spoons arranged on napkins; speaker placed nearby, his cheesiest playlist queued

“Sweetheart?” he hums quietly, poking at your shoulder; you grunt; “Everything is prepared!”; you huff; “Rise and shine!”; you swat at him, blinking groggily, “I’m hungry.”

Picnic!Kyojuro who grins triumphantly, “Breakfast is mere minutes away!”

Picnic!Kyojuro who pouts when you mutter, “We better not be foraging for it.”

Picnic!Kyojuro who guides you toward the It is a surprise! — sweaty, pulse quickening, gaze darting

Picnic!Kyojuro who nearly panics when you stop abruptly

I should have let them sleep in another hour…

Picnic!Kyojuro who promptly melts with satisfaction when you audibly gasp, Oof as you immediately hug yourself to him, your nose digging into his chest

“When? How?! Why?! KYO!!”

Picnic!Kyojuro whose laughter caresses you warmer than the sun, arms toned as they embrace you, lips promising as they nuzzle against your forehead: “Because I love you.”

Picnic!Kyojuro who sits beside you, introducing the variety of pickings to you, heart bursting at its seams as the contented gleam in your smile only brightens

Picnic!Kyojuro who ~eventually remembers to turn on the speaker

Picnic!Kyojuro who doesn’t bother pretending to be bothered when you grab his bicep This song, Kyo! This song !!!!! and tug him up to dance

Picnic!Kyojuro who dips you so low you feel like he might drop you, but he never does

Picnic!Kyojuro who knows you’re more beautiful than the ombre of foliage blurred in the background of his vision

Picnic!Kyojuro who swears he sees the outline of your soul as he holds you

Picnic!Kyojuro who kisses your earlobe, voice a shy murmur

“Thank you for letting me love you.”

Picnic!Kyojuro who starts planning his proposal (or some grand gesture if you’re not one for marriage) as you whisper

“Thank you for loving me.”

#kyojuro rengoku #rengoku kyojuro #kyojuro x reader #rengoku x reader #flame hashira #headcanons #modern au #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer

[petcr3]

its thunderstorming where i am and im just thinking about cuddling with rhett during a storm. like you’re staying over in his room at the ranch and he still has to get up early and take care of the usual things, look after the animals, etc. (and like listen i have never lived on a ranch, i don’t know what goes into it but bear with me) but you wake up w/ rhett and you hear the thunder and you kind of sleepily go like ‘oh no... do you guys need help?’ bc you figure many hands make light work and it’s so bad out but rhett just kind of laughs at you (not unkindly) and kisses your temple and tells you to go back to sleep.

it’s storming hard enough that once all the absolutely necessary tasks are done royal calls off any other work because he doesn’t want anyone getting struck by lightning lol so you’re still in bed by the time rhett comes back into his room and he’s taken a shower to get all the mud off him and stuff and he just crawls back into bed and lays on your chest. and you start playing with his hair and ask if he wants to stay in today and he just kind of grumbles a little yes

and you’re kind of focused on how cute he is for a few moments but he maybe dozes off a bit and you get to thinking about how little time rhett actually gets to relax. and you just wind up spending most of the day in bed, maybe you put a movie on. at some point once he’s more awake you massage his shoulders. perhaps other things ensue, knowing rhett lmao (obviously only if you both are in the mood)

god and you go down for dinner and cecilia, like truly not meaning anything by it, is like ‘you two were awful quiet all day.’ and you just kind of glance at rhett, who is still a little blissed out like he just looks very peaceful and relaxed and you squeeze his arm and just ‘i think we just needed a little rest.’ and you’re not even looking at her when you answer, you’re just staring at each other and cecilia kind of just smiles to herself because you obviously treat her son right and it’s about damn time. and like family dinner actually goes well because everyone got to have down time today so no one is particularly grumpy. it’s just. a nice meal lol

afterwards you literally just go back up to his room and maybe you talk a little bit or maybe you read and he noodles around on the guitar (because i saw someone headcanon rhett as a hobby guitarist and that simply makes so much sense to me) god or maybe he whittles, i could absolutely see that. but you, of course, wind up back in bed if for no other reason than it’s eventually late enough to go to sleep and you default back to holding rhett or being the big spoon, what have you.

and maybe you two dont exactly talk about what all is going on. there’s kind of an unspoken agreement that rhett really, really needed this but it’s hard for him to admit. and like he’s not just basking in your attention (even though he totally is) like he’s affectionate in return and like insists on being the one to hold you sometimes. but you make the day mostly about him and like once it’s time to actually go to sleep he just kind of quietly is like ‘thank you.’ and you just snuggle a little closer and tell him ‘always.’

#rhett abbott #rhett abbott x reader #rhett abbott imagine #im sorry yall i just want to take care of him i cant help it #@ the universe make him real so i can treat him right pls and thank you

[ladysomething]

I love everything that you’ve written for F1 so far (you are just the most incredible writer, I could read all of the fics you’ve written a million times and never get bored) but you’ve truly outdone yourself with Where You Go, I Go!!!! I literally read chapter 2 like 4 times last week and I’ve just been counting down the days until I could read chapter 3 (but I pinky promise I do not mean that in a “write faster” kind of way, I mean it in a “I was excited that I audibly squealed when I saw you posted today” kind of way). And ABO is something that I hardly ever read. But you just do it SO well. I LOVE the world you’ve built. And this fic is just SO incredible. I wasn’t sure how you could top the first two chapters, but eek CHAPTER THREE. The way that Charles going into pre-heat prevented any questions about Max and his intentions from getting answered (the tension is buildingggg) and Pierre showing up and Charles getting claimed, oh my god every scene was incredible and I am SO EXCITED to find out where this is going, because I genuinely don’t know what to expect!!! Thank you so, so much for sharing this fic with us!!!

I am a different anon than before, but I was very interested in reading your response about if you found writing long fic to be daunting. Like prev anon, I am a numbers girl, so learning a little about your writing process/philosophy was super interesting!! I have another question if you don’t mind me asking- how do you decide on your posting schedule?! Although I would literally read this whole fic in one sitting, I do love the 1+ weeks between updates because I love getting excited for a new chapter and looking forward to it, but you said in the ask that you were already writing ch6, so I’m curious what made you pick the schedule you did!!

thanks again for sharing this fic with us, we are truly all so lucky to read it!!

ahhh!!!

well firstly I can't take the entire credit for this fic. @saiyanwitcher reached out to me after I wrote Give Me That Fire and offered to beta for me. As we were getting to know each other, she asked if I'd ever consider writing an Omegaverse fic, and I said yes, and here we are. But if there is any reason why this fic is better than the others, it's all because of her! She has spent so many hours brainstorming with me, proofreading, and pulling me back from the edge when I said "I want to do THIS" and she said "girl what" (she didn't really, everything I propose she says "alright, lets figure out how we can make that work").

I'm so delighted to hear you loved chapter 3! this whole fic is sooo different to anything I've ever written, but I LOVE exploring new themes and topics and ideas in fic - you'll never really catch me doing the same thing twice. pushing boundaries is what I love about fic, but it doesn't always pay off, so I'm SO happy to hear that people are loving this fic as much as they are.

as for your question ... which, firstly, like most artists I am extremely self involved, so talking about myself is like my fave thing to do lmao. I will answer literally ANY question you could ask.

but, posting schedule. after many years of trial and error while posting long fics, the thing I've found that works for me is that I need to have a fairly sizeable amount of the story in the can before I start posting. I usually like 5-6 chapters, but, more importantly, I want to know that I have the feel of the story before I start to post, because once I post I can't go back and change things. at about that 5-6 chapter mark, I know that I'm deep enough into a story that the plot is right, the characters are right, and the tone I'm using is right, and then I feel comfortable starting to release it out into the world.

from there, I post a chapter only when I finish a chapter. so I finished chap 6 on Tuesday, and then I worked on chap 3 on Wednesday, gave it to @saiyanwitcher to beta on Wednesday evening, and then by this morning she'd done a final check and I was okay to post.

my own personal goal is to write one chapter a week, with Wednesday being the day I'm always aiming towards. so this week I was actually a little later than my "schedule" because ch 6 was giving me a headache and it took longer to write than I wanted.

at this point, I know roughly how long it takes me to write one chapter for this story (a week), but I also know some of these chapters are harder to write than others so I HAVE to give myself some extra leeway (hence the maximum of 2 weeks).

I hope that kind of explained my thought process and as I said, I'm so happy to answer any questions!

#where you go i go #anon ask #lestappen fic

[littledreamling]

★ - sad headcanon for Dream!

(playing to the strengths of the angst king, perhaps >:) )

Ohohoho you picked a good one for me lmao

I could reiterate the headcanon I sent in the server a few days ago (about Dream having trauma from being watched and never being able to feel like he's really alone, even in the Dreaming) but you've already heard that, so I'll pick a new (ish) one. Adding a cut and warning for graphic depictions of violence, major character death, heavy angst, comic spoilers, and my late-night attempt to make the comics worse than they already were in terms of... well, everything lmao. Proceed with caution!

Sad Headcanon:

This isn’t a sad headcanon about Dream specifically, more of a Dreamling sad headcanon, and I’ve made a post about this specific idea before (which can be found here!) so you’ll have to forgive me for bending the rules slightly but here goes:

There is something off, Dream thinks, walking next to his sister. Her usually cheery demeanor is subdued slightly, as if viewing her through a screen door; the outline of her is there, but the details feel fuzzy. When he asks her how she is keeping, he means it. He is concerned. She assures him that she is keeping well, or as well as she can, given her function, and he accepts it. He expects the conversation to be dropped. Or, at the very least, he expects the conversation to move on, and her odd mood with it. Sunlight and humanity have always cheered her up and he does not think today will be any different.

And then he asks about his pet project, Hob Gadling. He is curious, after all, to see how Hob is keeping, especially after their missed meeting. Have you seen him? He asks, and does not miss the way Death has tensed beside him, nor the way her step falters, a minute and monumental waver. He feels his brow crease.

I have, she says, and there is something in her voice that does not sit well, in a way even a century of imprisonment could not match. He can feel his fingers twitch at his sides, the full extent of human reaction he will allow himself, and waits for elaboration.

He asked to see me, she says, and Dream stops short. In the middle of the street, bright sun glaring down through overarching leaves, surrounded and untouched by humanity, the meaning of her words dawn on him like a waxing moon. Dream stops short. His breath, unnecessary and painful, comes in short bursts and Death's mournful eyes scrape like twin razors against his raw heart.

It was my fault, he says, somehow. He forces the words from between numb lips, somehow. Death's eyes soften, somehow. Somehow, it is worse. Just another thing he has lost while imprisoned. Just another thing crumbling in his hands, crushed under the weight of his pride and stupidity.

It wasn't just you, she says, and he does not believe her. Had he asked for help, had he plucked up the courage to be able to trust again, this would not have happened. If he had been able to place faith in Death, or in Alex, or in Burgess, Hob would still be alive. The thought almost sends him to his knees and he realizes that the keening noise in his ears is escaping from behind his own teeth.

Oh, Dream, I'm so sorry, she says, and he believes her. It does not help. How could she? How could she do that to him, knowing their history? How could she have submitted so easily to the whims of a simple, stupid human? He does not realize he is speaking aloud until she answers.

I am as bound to my function as you are, brother, she says, and her voice is soft, understanding. I could no more deny him my gift than you could deny him yours. Nor any human. She is nicer than he is. He has always known that. He suddenly wishes, selfishly, that she were not. If she had been as cruel as some had accused Dream of being, Hob would still be alive. The thought is no less agonizing the second time.

A raven, he gasps, desperation coloring his essence. He should've become my raven. They were mortals, once. Tell me you left him in my realm. He was mine in life, surely you have bestowed him upon me in death as well. He knows it is hopeless even as he says it. The ache in her eyes is answer enough. The anguish infused in every line of her body as she sinks down in front of him (when had he collapsed? He cannot remember) is a needless confirmation.

You are the Dreaming, and the Dreaming is you, she says, and he wishes he could close his ears, wishes he could block out the words he knows to be true, wishes he could stop her from speaking the truth he knows she will speak, she will always speak. With you gone, there was no realm to leave him in. He has crossed to the Sunless Lands, Dream. I'm sorry.

If she suddenly finds herself kneeling next to a pile of sand, she is kind enough not to mention it the next time she sees him. Indeed, the next time they find each other, she simply sits by his side, a comforting presence in the middle of one of the Dreaming's most comforting dreams. Fiddler's Green, newly restored, seems to tremble at the sight of her, of them, sitting together, nearly touching. Dream's gaze is held by his hands, bloody up to the elbows. It would make him sick to his stomach if he could feel anything, but he can't. There is only a numbness, deep in his soul, an exhaustion that all the rest in the world would not be able to touch.

What happened, Dream? She asks, without a shred of judgement. As if she does not know. As if she wants to hear it from his lips. They sit in silence; he does not know for how long. Too long, perhaps, but she has always indulged him. She has always made special exceptions for him.

I killed her, he says, quiet and sullen. I spilled family blood. Even when Lucienne tried to stop me, even when Unity revealed her bloodline. It did not matter. Or perhaps it did. I killed her anyway.

Just a few paces away, the body of Rose Walker is sprawled on the grass, staining the blades underneath her a tacky, child's-mind red. Where her chest had been now sits a cavity, caved in and empty, her very heart torn, still beating, from her breast. Her blood stains his fingernails because he lets it. He does not care to clean himself. He does not care to tidy his realm. He does not care.

You know what the Kindly Ones will do, Death says. It is a statement of fact. It is as immutable as Destiny's own book. He knows this. He had known this. He had not cared. He still does not.

Yes, he says, because he thinks he should respond. There is nothing more to be said. They sit in silence, listening to the last somber notes of his realm ring out, the easy swish of leaves, the gentle rushing of water, the birdsong from the trees. The air is still around them; he is not sure he could stand, or walk, or even move, even if he tried. He does not try. He simply sits. He simply waits.

Dream? Give me your hand, she says, and with a minute and monumental waver, he does. The last thing he feels in the warmth of her skin against his, a familiar presence at his side, and a warm smile. The very gifts that had been offered to Hob Gadling a decade before. Gifts given, gifts accepted. And with a flash of light, Dream of the Endless accepts.

#major character death #angst #heavy angst #graphic depictions of violence #the absence of hope #everyone dies #the comics were tragic #this is worse #proceed with caution #i'm so sorry #this still feels incomplete but i already know people are going to be mad at me #i really don't need to make it any worse #to be fair... you asked for this lmao #i'm sorry aquila #dream of the endless #morpheus #hob gadling #dreamling #sandman netflix #the sandman #sandman comics spoilers #sandman spoilers