#I realize it may not be the 11th yet in other parts of the world xD but here it is :b | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bunnyluvx · 8 days

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the arcana characters and their favorite ways to spend time with you! ♡

featuring: the romanceable cast of the arcana minus lucio x gn!reader.

summary: the cast and their favorite ways to spend time with you!! <3

warnings: brief death mention in portia's part. nothing else! <3

a/n: WOWIEEE HAIII EVERYONE!! i just wanted to say thank you again to everyone who loved on my last post. it was really scary for me to make that, but i did it and all of the interaction means the complete world!!!! i know that this is a very different fandom than the last post so i don't know how many people will see this but to any readers, i hope that you enjoy this!!! i worked super hard and got a bit tired towards the end so i hope you can forgive me if it isn't as detailed eyfvibu i wanted to do more but mannnn i am so tired. i didn't write lucio, as i will not be writing any lucio content on my page at all. mentions of him for story reasons and maybe if i ever write a fanfic, he'll probably show up but other than that, i will not be making any content of him at all. i am a proud lucio hater so if you want lucio content please go somewhere else. i just finished asra's route today, i got the upright ending and AAAAAAAAAA?????? I LOVE THEM SMMM SYFVIUBIOE!!!! asra is literally such a cutie patootie and i am so in love with him. i cannot deal with it. i have done muriel and julian's routes too, both with the result of the upright ending, and i plan to do nadia's next!!!! very excited and nervous to see what happens. nadia and portia may be a bit ooc, so apologies for that. i have yet to do their routes so i have yet to see their characters in action. very mildly proofread, so please forgive any errors. character banners were edited together by me! any and all requests/ideas for my next post are appreciated! i don't think i have anything else to mention so enjoy!!!!!!

divider credit: @isisjupiter

date started: 7:46PM, april 11th, 2024. date finished: 2:07AM, april 22nd, 2024.

wc: 3.9k

asra ♡ traveling.

i really struggled to find something for asra that suited, because they would honestly enjoy doing anything with you. it doesn't matter where you are or what time of day it is, as long as he has you by his side, then he's happy. and that is super evident in their route. and having just finished asra's route, i have been thinking; we all know that asra does a lot of traveling. and we all know that during those times, asra misses you terribly. they don't like being away from you for a long time, and as we go through asra's route, having all of these adventures and seeing so many new and cool places, we can see just how happy asra is to have you at their side. the joy shines through the screen, and i can feel just how happy he is to have you with him wherever you are. ergo, their favorite thing to do with you is to travel.

when the two of you started to travel together, asra was a bit nervous. he didn't know what to expect when you agreed to travel together without a destination in mind, and he was worried that somehow, some way, something would happen to you. what if you got kidnapped? what if you got hurt? what if you got sick? all sorts of thoughts were running through asra's head, but the more that they watched you grow and allowed you to take chances, the more that they realized that you would be okay. yes, any of those things could happen, but he is right there if you need him. they know that they will always be by your side to help you through any challenge, and care for you however you need it.

however, as the travels go on, he is reminded everyday that you are a strong, capable individual. they knew that before, of course, but seeing you solve all of the riddles and puzzles put in front of you, helping so many people and growing so much made it hit them like a truck. he was always too afraid to allow you to take chances before, in fear that you would get hurt. but they learned that if you didn't take chances, that you wouldn't grow. and the last thing that he wants is to stop you from being the best version of you that you can be.

so, they let you off of the leash. and just like a bird taking flight, you soared and took everything that came at you by storm. he watched you as you became braver, smarter, kinder and stronger. they always expected for you to be great, and they always had faith in you. he just needed to learn that in order to achieve that greatness, that he needed to let you do some things on your own. they needed to let you make your own mistakes and win your own battles, so that you could learn. and it was one of the best decisions that he's ever made. watching you become more independent and confident within yourself is one of the best feelings that they could ever be blessed to have. he feels so grateful that he is the person that you choose every single day, and no matter what, he will always choose you.

julian ♡ dancing.

at heart, julian is a romantic. almost every cliche romantic thing that you can think of, you have done with julian. picnics. karaoke, aquariums, painting classes, shopping, craft nights, not to mention all of the crazy adventures that you guys would get into together. every day, he wants to remind you why you fell for him, and in his opinion, keeping things lively is the best way to do that! above all, though, julian's favorite thing to do with you is to dance. he knew that you were a prodigy at dancing after the masquerade, but one night changes everything.

the two of you had actually taken dancing classes before this. you were actually the one who suggested it, and after teasingly accusing you of thinking that the two of you are horrible dancers, he agreed. he honestly didn't think that he could be more in love with you after that. you two went to the class, and julian could hardly ever tear his eyes off of you. the way that you moved was so naturally graceful, as if you had been a dancer your whole life. he most definitely showered you in attention and love after the class was over, and he knew that he had to arrange for the two of you to dance together more often.

oh but that night was not the night that he realized that this was his favorite thing to do with you, no no no no no. the night that he realized that dancing was his favorite activity to do with you was a night like many others; dinner at portia's. it was you, julian, portia and nadia, and you all decided to eat outside so that you could watch the stars. portia went into the cottage to check on the food, with nadia following close behind her, and julian figured that it was the perfect time to steal a sweet moment with you. so, he stood from his seat and knelt to one knee before you. with one hand on his chest and the other extended to you, he asked, "will you have this dance with me, my dear?"

you giggled and told him that there wasn't any music playing. what could you possibly dance to? oh how sweet you are. a chuckle symphonized from his chest, and he responded with, "oh my dear, we do have music." a gloved hand took yours and placed it over his heart, "right here." oh my gods, this absolute cheeseball. you playfully shoved his chest, moving backwards under the force but not falling onto his butt. he swiftly leans forward and takes the hand that shoved him, pulling you to your feet as he stood. one pair of hands intertwined while the others lay on your waist on his shoulder. you two started to sway together, as if you were in the masquerade. yes, you did technically dance at the masquerade, but julian wanted a more intimate experience. you didn't get to have a romantic ballroom dance thanks to the one we do not speak, and julian finds that absolutely outrageous!

your bodies glide beautifully amongst the grass and bushes, you take turns spinning each other around and laughing throughout. fireflies spring from the greenery wherever you set your feet, giving your figures a tender glow that julian found absolutely enchanting on you. after spinning through almost all of portia's front lawn, you find yourselves right back at group sitting spot. his arms have encircled your waist, keeping you close to him as your arms encircle his neck carefully. there are no long strides in this dance, no dramatic flair; just you and him rocking back and forth. his eyes stare into yours and his lips are curved into an adoring smile, as if by looking into your eyes, he could pour all of his love from him to you just through eye contact.

you mutter his name, he mutters yours, you lean in, and..portia pipes up. both her and nadia hold two bowls of soup, hot and ready. portia is mischievously smirking at the two of you while nadia admires your connection. julian tries to usher them away so that he can have more alone time with you, but you're quick to shut him down. begrudgingly, julian did, but all he could think about for the rest of the night was how beautiful you were dancing with him. your laughter singing into the air, the smile on your face, your gaze carving through the very core of his being. somehow, he was able to stay focused on the conversations that occurred that evening, but everyone, including you, could tell that he was going to be hung up on tonight for the next several weeks. when you got home, he was sure to steal a kiss from you later, and another dance.

nadia ♡ fashion shows.

ah, our beloved countess. at first, i planned on giving her shopping, seeing as her love language is gift giving, she would love to spoil the crap out of you with anything that you even glanced out. however, i wasn't happy with that idea. my boyfriend was actually the one who came up with the idea of fashion shows (hi vinny honey, i love you <3). he is such a freaking genius for this one bc OH MY GOSH YES. nadia has such beautiful taste in clothing, so she would absolutely love to host little fashion shows with you. she does like to share her clothes with her friends, but with you, it's special.

the original thought was you trying on nadia's clothes, and nadia trying on your clothes. nadia would feel like she is falling in love with you all over again if you tried on her clothes. all of the fabric would embrace you in such a perfect way, accentuating all of the things that she loves the most about you. gosh she would just be so head over heels,, she would clap every time you would walk out to show her what you chose, or what she selected for you because she just wanted to see you in it so bad. this woman is literally your number one supporter, she thinks that you are absolutely drop-dead gorgeous in everything that you choose to try on and cannot get enough of you in her clothes. she will shower you in compliments and praise of just how celestial you look, and it makes you super duper flustered because she just flatters you so much.

she also gets really shy when she tries on your clothes. all of her life, she has had the most expensive, well-made, stunning clothes that anyone could ever dream of. so, trying on clothes that do not fit under those categories is new to her. while she isn't used to not wearing the most lavish clothes to be found, she likes your sense of style and is always excited when you ask her to try on an ensemble of yours. what she worries about is what you think. she frets that you think it won't look good on her, if that isn't the farthest thing from the truth. when she walks out to you, you are in absolute awe of how beautiful she is. you already think that she can't get any prettier when she wears other outfits, but now this???? her in your clothes???? oh lord almighty you must be SAVED bc this woman has swept you off of your feet. she asks you what you think, and all you can do is walk up to her and smooch the ever-loving life out of her. you just love each other so much!!!!!

BUT WAIT, I'M NOT DONE. I HAVE MORE THOUGHTS.

when your group of friends have sleepovers at the palace, or when you all go out shopping together, it is unavoidable that you all will be having a fashion show where you all show off the clothes that you bought. nadia loves these so much because she gets to watch her friends all enjoy themselves and feel confident in their clothes, especially if she was the one who bought them. but with you, they just feel so different. to her, it is an intimate experience of being able to share your joy with one another. something that you value in your relationship with nadia is self-esteem, both yours and hers. not only do you both want to make each other feel good. but you also want to feel good within yourself. and nadia thinks that fashion shows are an important part of that. clothes are part of how one may express themselves and their identity, and that is something that nadia treasures. so, if showing off the clothes that you got is going to make you feel good about yourself, then she wants to be there to watch you. there is nothing more important to her than your happiness, and if going through outfit by outfit is what will make you happy, then so be it.

admittedly, she..also really likes to show you the new clothes she gets. when you first started dating, she was a bit nervous about it. she knew that you knew of her riches and lifestyle; it was lavish, and she only got the best of the best. she's the countess for crying out loud, so of course you knew that she was going to have everything that she wanted at her feet, even if it meant something that took literal years to find. but there was part of her that worried that you would see her money and think differently of her. she feared that you would judge her person based on her money, instead of the woman you fell in love with. when she told you this, you automatically reassured her that you wouldn't think differently of her at all. you would love her regardless of the amount of money she has, you told her. and this put her heart at ease, so she progressively became more comfortable showing off her wardrobe when you hosted your shows to each other. now, she doesn't hesitate to declare a fashion show after a shopping spree so that she can show you the lovely things that she got for herself. and every single time that you have one, you cannot believe that that is your girlfriend. you are just the luckiest person in the whole world to have someone like her, and she feels infinitely more lucky to have you.

portia ♡ watching the sunset.

this kind of feels like a given to me. portia is always talking about how she wants to sail the world and explore, both in the actual routes and in heart hunter. so sitting on the docks with you, watching the sun disappear behind the sea and talking about your dreams??? oh heck yes, count her in. she is really tired when she isn't working, so usually she spends her time trying to rest up and take care of things around her cottage. however, she wants to spend all of the time that she can with you. so, the two of you go on all sorts of lovely dates! shopping in the marketplace, teaching her about new herbs in the shop, seeing the new shows in the theater and heckling julian, all sorts of stuff!!!!! but portia's all time favorite part of your days together is when you go to the docks, take off your shoes, sit on the edge and talk while watching the sunset together.

portia has so many dreams, and so many things that she wants to do in her life. and she loves to tell you about all of them. she spends hours just ranting to you about all of the things that she wants to do, the places that she wants to see, the types of adventures that she wants to go on, and of course they all include you being there with her. oh gods you love listening to her,, every single word that she speaks are words that you carve into the stones of your memories. listening to her talk about her dreams is like watching the sun shine. greenery smiles under the glorious warmth and embraces her glimmer gratefully, her passion burns brightly and she is the most beautiful being in any realm to ever exist. she has no time to wonder if she's talking too much because she is far too focused on being with you, and loving every single moment of it. you truly hope that you are able to go on all of the adventures that she wants, so that you can experience every ounce of the world with her, until it all falls apart.

of course, she loves to listen to you. the time that you two spend at the docks is time to talk about anything that comes to mind, and she cannot help but adore you as you pour your heart out to her. when you speak of all of the things that you want to do before your time in this realm comes to a close, she watches and listens very intently. your voice to her is like a river, running smoothly through the canals of her mind and soothing the battering howl of her heart. her eyes twinkle with adoration as her elbow rests on her knee, her face leaning against her hand as she stares at you. everything that you tell her only makes her more excited for your future, because in your future, you include her. and that is all that she could ever truly want. you both truly love to listen to each other talk, not even just about your dreams, but about anything. even if it's something as small as dinner options or something that you saw at the market that you liked, you both love to hear anything and everything from each other. can you tell that the two of you are head over heels in love??

the first time that you sat at the docks together was a magical moment that portia will never forget. you two had just spent an amazing day together, and you wanted to rest by somewhere pretty before heading back home. so, portia suggested the docks to watch the sunset. you agreed, then took your shoes off and sat down. you conversed for hours, laughing and teasing each other. it is so obvious that you both are the other's favorite person to be around to everyone around you, you are both so comfortable with each other in the purest, most loving way. portia had taken her hair down, long curly locks of red flowing carefully down her back. as the sun caressed the ocean for a farewell kiss, the light made her look like she was a celestial being. freckled, pale skin bathes in orange, your own skin making you look just as radiant as she. you locked eyes with her, and all you could think about is just how much you love her. and her you, for she thought in that moment, that you were the most gorgeous person she had ever seen. she thinks that all of the time, but everything about that time was too perfect. your hands cupped her cheek, and her hands held your arms as you exchanged a beautifully passionate kiss. all of her love dumped into it as did yours, and it is something that portia will always remember. you two go to the docks a lot more to watch the sunset, and exchange plenty more kisses worth treasuring for the rest of your lives.

muriel ♡ nature walks.

OHHHHHH MURIEL!!! MY SHMOOPY POOPY DOOPY BEAR!! i love this man with all of my heart,, no one understands my love for him syufigubine. i didn't even have to think about this one, because i KNEW for a fact this our sweet boy would absolutely LOVE to go on nature walks with you. he isn't much of a people-person, so he doesn't really like going anywhere that crowds gather. which, in vesuvia, is a pretty hard thing to do, considering the fact that people are almost always out, doing something. so muriel doesn't like going anywhere where people are. the time that he spends with you is meant for you and you alone, not to be spent around a crap ton of strangers that push and shove and cram him into tight spaces. so anytime alone with you is time that he greatly cherishes. you had been wanting to find an activity that both you and muriel love doing that wouldn't make muriel anxious or uncomfortable, so you came up with the idea of nature walks.

when you brought it up to muriel, he accepted it right away. he would get to be around nature and spend time with you? that's all he ever really needs, honestly. he has been through the forest time and time again, he knows every crevice of it like the lines on his palms, yet when you went on your first nature walk together, everything about the forest seemed to change. the colors were brighter, the plants smelt richer, heck even the animals were out and about more when you two went out together. he didn't understand why, but it felt so much better being in the forest with you. you walked along and let the path take you wherever fate demanded. the sun peered through the leaves of the trees to allow life to breathe underneath it, the warmth of the day wrapping around you both like a blanket. he's gotten used to this forest after living in it for so many years, but with you, it felt like the most fascinating place to be.

he was a little worried because he figured that you would want to go out. not just to the forest, but to somewhere like the marketplace, the town square or even the rowdy raven. when he expressed his concerns, you reassured him that you didn't need to go out and do something. all you need is to be with him, and if this is the way that he is most comfortable spending time together, then so be it. you could walk all day, all night, for the rest of your lives in this forest together, as long as it meant that he was comfortable and happy. he smiled and thanked you for your reassurance, giving you a little kiss on the cheek before taking your hand and continuing your journey.

from that point forward, nature walks became a very regular part of your routine with muriel. it always starts with "wanna go on a walk?", and from that point forward, who knows what could happen. you two have found a lot of new things in that forest together. you've found lots of pretty flowers, greenery, rocks and animals that you didn't see before, new spots to relax in and even found little burrows and nests a couple of times!!! it's like a little adventure that isn't too far away from home, and muriel is more than happy to go on a walk at any time. it's almost always something new when the two of you go out together, and he thinks that that's what makes you so lovely. on most days, on his own, he wouldn't think twice about any of the things that you do. so, when you stop him to look at a pattern on a rock, or to admire a dandelion that you call a flower even though it's a weed, he takes his time to admire it with you, and he can't stop that sweet smile from curling onto his lips. seeing you in his favorite place is the most wonderful experience that he could ever ask for. he didn't believe that he was deserving of wonderful experiences before, but now that he has you, he wants to think differently.

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crystalsenergy · 1 year

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Nodes notes 🧭📚✨ pt 1

South/North Node notes

South Node in Capricorn or South Node in the 10th house represents an exacerbated focus on developing your own career, your life path, without connecting to the inner aspects of yourself and others around you. the way of looking at life becomes excessively traditional, linked to the steps that a person needs to develop and that society dictates: studying, going to college, getting married, having children, a car, having grandchildren, going to church, dying. doing everything "right".

this is complicated, because the person can also be distant from his/her own internal development. in addition to disconnecting from the ups and downs that life will bring, and which are fundamental for a deeper and unique development. see: when we move away from the ups and downs that life brings to us, we move away from our own development, since it is IMPOSSIBLE to follow a single path. however, Capricorn has an extreme difficulty with following different paths from what society says.

and that is the lesson of this placement: finding balance between inner and outer life. learn to develop your inner side, your emotions. remembering that, for better or worse, much of what we lack in ourselves will reflect on others around us. when I don't have empathy and openness with my emotions, I'll lack with the other in the same points. especially when we are faced with positions that tend to mean little awareness of oneself and the more abstract and emotional side of life. so, through the North Node in Cancer or the North Node in the 4th house, you must learn to develop empathy and your emotional side, your inner life. enrich yourself with emotional experiences!!! don't run away from them. what are you afraid of?

South Node in Virgo or South Node in the 6th house has the need to experience things only in a practical, rational, methodical way. it is necessary for you to know that the world is not made only of the tangible, of what is explained in the sense of concrete ideas. work your sensitive, spiritual and abstract side, through the arts, creativity, and maybe even understand that there are energies that affect us all the time, that affect you, but that you haven't even realized yet because you have a mental closure to that. North Node in Pisces / 12th house can help you with this. delve into this position. the key is within all of us - or outside too, in parts.

South Node in Leo or South Node in 5th house believes that the decisions he makes without consulting others are the best, he also tends to see only his personal lens, which takes little account of others. in addition, there is a tendency not to know how to share your resources with the social, there is a limit in the vision of what you can do for others. it is important to understand your social role in society as well, which the North Node in Aquarius or North Node in 11th house brings as a lesson.

South Node in Aries or South Node in 1st house has a profound difficulty in seeing the different facets of the human personality, in addition to not being able to understand different parts of the same subject, possibilities of conversations. people with this placement have had a past life full of individualism, have left people aside in their other experience, and have in the North Node in Libra / North Node in 7th house the lesson of improving their view of others, of the existence of people around them it is necessary to learn to see people, their needs, and stop living only on their own needs. there can also be a great difficulty in understanding what a love relationship is in its depth: the deepest exchanges, the Libra/Venusian way of relating. this placement may have a certain aversion to experiences/people with normal and natural exchanges in relationships, with understanding, with harmony. these people may seek a relationship in which they dominate, having misunderstanding with those who do differently. as unfortunately there is a tendency to be very imposing and intolerant, this placement can mean a judgment of others who deviate from their standard of living. that is: people who, for example, have very Libran/Venusian relationships or experiences, with healthy exchanges, harmony, search for balance, knowing how to give, and not just wanting to receive, can be seen as "fool" by those who have this position. it's a big possibility.

South Node in Gemini or South Node in 3rd house needs to understand the need to know things more deeply. try to have deeper interests, not just the basics. knowing things in a deeper way can help you in your knowledge of yourself and the world around you. beware of wasting energy on superficial things. watch out for quick judgments of what you know little about.

South Node in Aries or South Node in 1st house has difficulty accepting help, difficulty letting go of the image of independence, image of a person who doesn't need anyone. another problem of South Node in Aries or South Node in 1st house is an aversion to what is different, believing that they don't need anything else, because they are enough on their own. be careful, with that attitude you can be forever stuck in the 1st house, lol. without leaving there, without knowing other houses. focused only on yourself, just listening to yourself, literally living in a bubble.

South Node in Taurus or South Node in the 2nd house can tend towards an exaggerated comfort zone, which can lead to a certain stagnation in life. including material stagnation. while Taurus thinks it's okay to live in material sameness, with the same house, the same things, with the same pattern for so long, this can mean stagnation and impediment for new material resources or material experiences to emerge. seek experiences beyond the material level. don't be afraid to get lost in life (North Node in Scorpio or North Node in 8th house). why are you afraid of losing material control?

South Node in Capricorn or South Node in the 10th house needs to understand that society is on the move, and that old patterns of thinking no longer make sense. QUESTION social institutions: family, politics, religion. understand that to live attached to the past is to be inclined to repeat it, without learning from it. learning from the past is doing different. understand that only the old, the same thing as always, occupies a certain space. and this space being eternally occupied by the past and the traditional will never make room for the new, if you don't understand that. so, make room for the old and the "comfortable" to be replaced by the new and something that challenges you - even emotionally! beware of a tendency to think you know exactly what others need. not. we are different and we need different perspectives for the same situation. don't impose your 'standards of functioning' on others. this can drive people away.

South Node in Capricorn or South Node in the 10th house can represent a certain material selfishness, inability to share your resources with others. focusing excessively on your career and reputation development can put your relationships aside (North Node in Cancer/4th house) balances the need to develop your relationships and your career.

bonus

the negative face of Saturn, and which is often present in its natives (Capricorns or people with strong Saturn in the chart) is the idea that they know what is best for others, more than people themselves. this can become irritating, as they will often err in their readings of reality, as they tend to see it from a traditional, closed point of view, without understanding the various facets of who we are.

Aries is a sign that really needs to learn to vibrate in a less individualized energy. pay attention to your need to impose your wills on others.

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adapembroke · 1 year

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Rethinking Chiron

I have many reasons to be thankful for Chiron. That may seem like an odd thing to say about the Wounded Healer. Most astrologers would say having Chiron in the 11th house like I do means that some of my greatest wounds will come from rejection by my communities. And there’s nothing I can do about it. Chiron wounds can’t be healed, they say. The best I can hope for is using my experience with the wound to heal others with the same wound.

When I learned this, I got angry. I knew there was something to this Chiron business, but I believe in hope. I was convinced that my community was out there somewhere. I just hadn’t found my people yet. I didn’t care how many astrologers I respected subscribed to that story of Chiron. I refused to believe that my Chiron wound couldn’t be healed. If I couldn’t find a community to accept me, I was going to make one. I was going to build the most welcoming community I’d ever seen.

Before I knew what Chiron was, I had already started doing the work. After college, I spent a year in a community organizing internship. I was supposed to be learning how to rally a community around social justice work. What I actually learned was how to create communities where people aren’t just lonely followers and observers. They are included and actively involved members of the community because they are seen and appreciated for their unique skills and interests.

Using what I learned from that internship, I used Discord to create the community that would eventually become the Narrative Astrology Lab. I wasn’t thinking of it as a place where people with rejection wounds like mine could find a place they belong for the first time. Yet, over and over I’ve heard newbies say, “I’ve never been one of the cool kids before!”

Recently, one of the members of the lab asked me about my experience with Chiron. Mars had just finished spending months activating their natal Chiron in Gemini. I have Mars conjunct Chiron in Gemini in my natal chart, and they wondered if the transit had taught me anything about that Mars-Chiron combination.

I hadn’t realized it until that moment, but that transit completely revolutionized my view of Chiron. I no longer see Chiron as the Wounded Healer. The wound is only a small part of the Chiron story. Meditating on the rest of his story has made my view of Chiron so much richer… and brought massive healing, as well.

The wound of Chiron is a narrative problem.

I have only been physically dragged into a church once in my life. I was in high school, and my youth group was planning a retreat. It was the last night to sign up, and I wasn’t on the list. I had no interest in going. As we waited for our parents to pick us up in the church parking lot, a group of the younger kids begged me to sign up, and I refused. When it became clear that I wasn’t going to budge, the group picked me up like the world’s smallest traveling mosh pit and carried me into church.

My memory of this event is vivid. When I close my eyes, I can still see the white doors of the church getting closer as I yelled, begging to be put down. I didn’t want to spend days cramped in tight quarters with a bunch of other church kids. I wanted to be left alone.

I don’t have an especially vivid memory. It’s rare for me to be able to recall images from the past clearly. It’s even rarer for me to be able to recall a random memory like refusing to sign up for a church trip. I have learned that when my unconscious keeps a random memory cryogenically frozen for decades, the memory isn’t actually random. These oddly vivid memories are artifacts of a personal narrative I’m carrying that is disconnected from reality and ready to retire.

The story I told about that day at church was that it was one of many examples of times when I’ve been rejected by a community I care about. Looking at it now, it’s strikingly obvious that I wasn’t being rejected. They really wanted me to join them!

How could I make such an obvious mistake? Because of my personal narrative.

I’ve always been a weird kid. Wonky knees kept me from running around on the playground. I wasn’t able to participate in gym class. I had to sit on the bleachers and watch. The other kids noticed and acted like my disability was a communicable disease, either teasing me or avoiding me. By the time I was in high school, I identified as an outcast. I told myself that I was looking for my people as hard as I could, but deep down I believed I was–and always would be–rejected by every community I cared about.

The story of being dragged into church should have contradicted this narrative. If I’d been able to look at it critically, it would have, but the conscious mind filters our perceptions of reality to suit our unconscious narratives. The narrative of rejection clouded my judgment, making it impossible for me to see the truth.

All was not lost, though. Like a grain of sand in the shell of an oyster, the memory of being dragged into church irritated me until the day I was ready to recognize it as a pearl.

Chiron’s house is the place where we are adopted by the gods.

A few months ago, I was captivated by an element of the story of Chiron no one talks about. The story begins with Chiron being rejected by his human mother who is horrified to have given birth to a centaur. This is the part we focus on, the pain and horror of childhood rejection. But it’s not the end of the story. Chiron is adopted by Artemis and Apollo.

Today, we know that psychological wounding we get in childhood sticks with us for the rest of our lives, but in the myth, we don’t see him pining for his biological parents. We can chalk that up to ancient ignorance of child psychology, but doing so diminishes the love of adopted families. Being adopted by the gods seems to suit Chiron just fine. He grows up to be a well-respected doctor and mentor of heroes.

What if Chiron’s place in our charts doesn’t just point to a rejection wound? I wondered. What if it also points to a place where we have been adopted by the gods?

I thought back to the times when I have felt most alienated. I realized that those were the times when I spent the most time at the library. Books were my mentors and closest friends, but I wasn’t completely lacking human support. I had teachers who recognized my bookishness and encouraged me to see my love of reading and writing as a way to connect with others.

Who’s to say those teachers weren’t messengers of Hermes?

Planets conjunct Chiron aren’t easy to accept.

If my story was a simple fairy tale, I would say that this realization about Chiron allowed me to see that I had been accepted by every community I had ever belonged to, that my perceived rejection was just an illusion. And then I lived happily ever after.

The truth is more complicated.

On the day I was dragged into church, I had set a boundary with my community. I didn’t want to go to the retreat. I told them I had no intention of going. They physically crossed my boundary and attempted to get me to go anyway.

I wasn’t rejected, but my boundaries were. My community wanted me… but without my Mars.

When I look back at the times I’ve felt alienated in communities, my Mars has been there like a berserker looming over my shoulder. I am not an aggressive person. When threatened, my first instinct is to fawn, not attack. Yet, I’ve always felt like people can sense my Mars like the smell of something feral.

“I feel like I was raised by wolves and am still learning to be civilized, don’t you?” one of my professors once asked me.

When I was a teenager, I was a punk on the outside. It was my way of exercising self-defense. Like a hedgehog, I wore spikes on my skin. Kicking a hedgehog is its own punishment. I hoped that my spikiness would send the same message. Then I went to college with the plan to disappear in the crowded anonymity of Boston. I shed my punk aesthetic for a peacoat and a knitted slouch hat. I wore them like an invisibility cloak. If I had the language of astrology then, I would have thought: There is no reason for my Mars to be here. Maybe now it will shrivel up and fall off.

I suspect Chiron feels similarly about his horsey backside. In myth, Chiron is the token centaur in a community that sees centaurs as brutish barbarians. He achieves an honored place in his community by playing by the rules, continually demonstrating that he is “different than all those other animals.” He is the civilized centaur, so educated and refined he is trusted with the mentoring of heroes. In the process, he rejects the animal part of his nature that is rejected by his community.

Embracing Chiron is necessary healing.

In one of the versions of the myth of Chiron, he does an odd thing. When he is wounded and discovers it is a wound he can’t heal, he takes the place of Prometheus, the rebel being punished for stealing fire from the gods. Seeing Chiron taking punishment he doesn’t deserve, Zeus frees him and puts him in the starry sky.

In other versions of his story, Chiron isn’t wounded at all. He is rounded up with all the other centaurs and killed in a centaur genocide. His willingness to conform doesn’t save him. Neither does his supposed immortality. When his community decides it is no longer willing to tolerate centaurs, no one cares that he’s the civilized one. He is killed, anyway.

I like to think that these two versions of the myth represent different paths he could have taken. Different paths we all could take when presented with the option to wound ourselves in the quest to fit in. And the consequences of betraying an aspect of our nature.

It is only when Chiron is willing to identify with the rebel Prometheus, and embrace the rejected parts of himself, that he is able to take his place among the stars.

The alternative isn’t silent misery. It’s the death of his soul.

#Chiron

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fayythe · 10 months

Text

Divine Love: Chapter One

Henry Cavil X OFC Summary:

Rhylan Daines property of the United States Government, the training she took on, the beating, and pain was all manipulating her to loose her body autonomy, they tell her to eat a certain way, talk, walk, act. Nothing is hers, how can she escape the torture her life has become? Now an semi-active black ops Navy Seal working for the CIA struggled to make peace with her past. She was always told that every life she took, every person she tortured, and every soul she crushed was for the greater good, but how is more violence supposed to help the world? How can acting help her stop being forced to kill? How can finding love help her find herself? Only time will tell...

Tigger Warnings:

Slight Alcoholism, Assault, Kidnapping, Blood, Skin Branding, Heavy Depression, Drugs, Undiagnosed eating disorder, Forced Eugenics, Talk of Genocide, talk of war, talk of gore, Hospitalizations for medical reasons, Mental Health issues, Hitman/murder unrecognized by law, Profanity, Military Brutality, torture, terrorism, violence, scars, seizures.

Rhylan's Tattoos

Rhylan's Body Scars Diagram

“I have always believed, and I still believe, that whatever good or bad fortune may come our way we can always give it meaning and transform it into something of value.”

― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

Chapter 1: Судьба

Судьба… Russian... meaning – Fate

December 11th, 2015

My dreams were always clouded with dark light, nightmares from my past. Sometimes colors and the good parts like handing out candy to refugee children, or others like being beaten by the KGB. I still remember their questions.

But somehow, I always end up waking up with my body in the fetal position, covered in sweat head to toe and a knife so tightly in my hand my knuckles are white, only this time someone was banging on the door.

“Rhylan! Open this door! We have to get ready; you better not be sleeping!” Nelia, my assistant, and the closest thing I have to a friend. I sat up from my cramped position, still feeling the stray pieces of my strawberry-blonde hair stuck to the back of my neck. “I’m coming!” I yelled, and the banging stops. I sit up, throwing my legs over the side of the bed, clicking the pocketknife closed, and placing it on the end table. To be completely honest, I was purposefully taking my time to get to the door. I was dreading the following event to take place.

Something about me, even while I was younger, I tend to gravitate to the quietest and loneliest of places. I rather observe and watch from afar. But—I was promised free food and I can’t cook so this works out for me.

Once I finally made it to the door to see Nelia, she was already made up so beautifully. Her dark skin was glittering with her favorite shimmer lotion, and she smelled of her signature gardenia and cinnamon, her hair tight in its updo was always my favorite part about her, while my red-ish blonde hair was straight, her auburn brown hair was curly. It had natural volume. Maybe I should get a perm? I thought to myself. Then the image of me in middle school popped into my head and I physically cringed. No, thank you. Not again.

“What’s wrong?”

I didn’t realize I hadn’t invited her inside yet, nor did I realize she was carrying two large plastic bag-looking things

“Don’t worry, come in. It’s good to see you. Uhm—you can set your stuff on the table.”

I stepped away from the fetal funnel giving her room to walk into my hotel suite and set her belongings on the large round table in front of an array of windows.

“Oh, don’t you worry this stuff isn’t for me, this is what you’re going to wear at the award shows tonight”

I groaned. The sound was intended to be inside my head but apparently, I spoke it.

“Oh, don’t you start, you chose the walk of life as your next career path. No complaining. Now go take a shower, you look like you just got sprayed by a sprinkler.”

She reached into her back pocket “Also put these on instead of a bra”

She handed me flesh-looking stickers, two of them. I looked at her with my eyebrow raised, “They’re pasties” she shrugged. “Just do it”

“Fine, do I wear underwear?” I questioned…maybe I should’ve thought a bit harder about the answer to that question.

“I mean if you’re into going commando at public events, I’m all for it.” She winked.

“Asshole” I muttered, walking towards the bedroom for the large shower.

“You love me!” I heard her yell back.

She was right, I did love her in a sisterly type of way. She is one of the only people alive who knows who I am to my core, sometimes I can’t tell if that’s for the best. Am I corrupting her innocence being around her? Am I that dark plague I fought hard not to be? I couldn’t tell you.

But Nelia has always been there for me, she knows the pain I went through in the military and the battles I have with myself though she’s never asked me any questions. She’s resilient, and that’s what I’ve always admired so highly of her, especially for being so young.

I found myself standing in front of the large mirror in the stupid huge bathroom, missing my dog, and my own home. I started to take off my shirt, watching my fit body tense to the cold. Scars are one of the reminders of who I am. So many. So many stories. And ironically, I almost remember all of them, every story for every scar.

The shower went by in a blur, the hot water on the hottest setting the heat piercing through my skin. I missed the feeling of pain.

When walking out of the bathroom, I froze in the corridor. A short man with broad shoulders was by the table Nelia was originally. I pulled the two halves of my white hotel robe together. I contemplated sneaking away and grabbing my gun from the other room, but I took a deep breath and tried my best to tell myself that not everyone wants to hurt me.

Nelia walked out of the closed-off kitchen of the suite “Rhylan! It’s so good to see you finally join us, this is Lorenzo, the hair stylist and makeup artist I was telling you about” She winked.

I was confused at first, Lorenzo?

---I hadn’t heard of a Lorenzo.

Had I?

I deiced to just go with it, taking a few steps forward and giving this real-ist smile I could manage, I could tell by how Nelia rolled her eyes she could tell the smile I so tightly pulled across my face was fake, she knew me too well.

“Right, Lorenzo! I’ve heard so much about you” I stop about four feet away from him. His face is soloist but soft, he was examining me observing my flaws though I didn’t really care, I do it to myself so often, I’m so numb to the feeling.

What was strange was the second he was done observing me, he ran up and grabbed my face giving two kisses on both my cheeks, in my short time in France the term there for this… appalling greeting… was called la bise, and to this day I still hated my personal space being completely devalued. Though, being undercover was different, I was there for a task and tasked to be a different person. I couldn’t be the Rhylan with personal space issues or haphephobia: the fear of touch.

I immediately tensed completely, and it took everything in my body not to put this poor man into a headlock, so I looked at Neila in the corner of my eye for some time of escape. Luckily, she came to my rescue.

“Lorenzo is here to do your hair and makeup for the shoot, I would, but you’re a pain in my ass. You’re likely to be nicer to someone that you first met.” Nelia pulls Lorenzo back away from me, not before giving her a raise of his dark brow.

Does this dude speak—?

I was caught off from my thought when he finally spoke with his rough Italian and—and what was that a hint of a French accent? Okay maybe my la bise reference earlier actually made sense, I thought to myself silently chuckling.

“Ok’ let us get this done, come, sit, sit my dear,” Lorenzo spoke gesturing me to the dining chair draped with a towel, I nodded and sat in the uncomfortable chair with metal framing and a leather cushion. The 2000’s called they want their chair back. I swear I had this exact one in my bedroom…

“Let me look at you,” he says gesturing to my face, I give him a slight nod of the head. What I didn’t expect was his hands to be all over my face, what the fuck, does this guy see with his hands…wait, what was that smell, garlic bread? Gross. I internally gag.

I pulled back abruptly confusion and anger were on my face as I could see the change in expression in his eyes, fear, was that it? “I kid, I kid” he laughed he was quick to pull my hair up back into a large bun. He kid? Man, this guy had some serious balls.

"Neila will you please pour me a large glass of Jewel, I don’t think I can get through this without it” I spoke, hearing her rummage through something out of the corner of my ear. “Nope. Drinks will be served at the award shows, but it also would be bad for you to show up drunk to the red carpet before.” I laughed, really laughed. “We both know one drink won’t hurt me, please” I tried my best to make my best pleading voice I could manage. “Rhylan, you’ve known me long enough to know I don’t budge, I also won’t be the one to let you feed into your unhealthy habit” I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms, “Come on! You know the only drinks that will be served is Korbel, or Jack Daniels”

“Tuff. Maybe you’ll be lucky you never know” She gives me the smallest smirk and I want to punch her in the shoulder so hard. Oh, so hard.

“Okay I’m ready for the beautifying processes” Lorenzo speaks up, somehow, I didn’t observe him laying out each chalk palette and cream sticks in a perfect horizontal row along with a questionable long black…sex toy? No, there’s a red light on it. I cringed, what the fuck is that... I need to do some research.

“Please turn on Dr. House maybe that will tie me over,” I asked sighing, Neila smiled and nodded.

I related to Dr. House a lot. He hates people, I hate people. He doesn’t believe in anything of religion, I was just beaten so much by Russians that no matter how many times I pleaded for God to help me, he never came, and I had to help myself.

And in this situation, all my books were at home, in my office I missed so dearly.

“What look are we looking for today, eh? We could do something natural, maybe give you a red lip to bring out those beautiful teeth” Lorzeno suggested looking over at Neila for approval, “That will be perfect!”

I rolled my eyes, of course, it would be… damn this is going to be a long day…

---

Once Lorzeno finally finished my makeup and hair, I was excused, I needed a nap already.

“Can I see it?” I asked gesturing to the mirror, Neila stopped me immediately “No! You must be finished. So, it’s time to get dressed.” She turned to Lorzeno abruptly who was already almost finished backing up all his messy belongings and his black questionable sex toy, which I now know it to be a hair curler. “Time for you to leave Lorzeno, thank you for all your hard work, your payment will be deposited into your bank account in the morning.”

“Aye, this work I’ve done, my mama would be so proud.” Lorenzo becomes teary-eyed and walks out of the hotel room. I physically cringe, what a wimp it’s just makeup it’s not like he gave me plastic surgery.

---Though, maybe I should into that. I ponder the thought.

“Okay he’s gone, now strip” She gestures to my robe.

I smirk, “if you wanted to see me naked, all you had to do was ask,” I gave a dry chuckle and dropped the robe.

Being trained in the military for Bootcamp, a normally male-dominated career, and then being trained as a navy seal which never has any female get pasted the entrance test has me generally emotionless to feeling embarrassed.

I’ve had to take donkey-sized shits in the middle of the woods would an audience of five men, I’ve had to sit in front of a fire butt ass naked because I was stupid and decided to jump in a freezing lake as this fucker, we were following for twelve fucking days caught us and dumped his cell phone.

Take a big breath Rhylan, and don’t overwhelm yourself.

I’m sorry, I have strong feelings if you’re offended get over it. Sorry, not sorry.

Coming back to reality I observed my situation all over again.

I was a good four inches taller than Neila, while she was just thin and lean with natural curves, I was muscular and toned, and the scars and tattoos I had taken part in distracted people from what my feelings and thoughts were, it was a mask. A successful one at that, nobody ever bothered me willingly.

She cringed, “Whatever, you’re gross.”

She handed me a pair of black dress pants, and I sept into them. A perfect fit, maybe that expensive ass dress stylus was worth the money. The pants were more like skinny jeans, the idea was to make them a bit more formed and fitting to let my muscular curves show through. Me being me, I don’t understand whom that would help but I just take Nelia’s word for it.

Next was the blazer, this is the part I was most nervous about. The blazer had no undershirt and just a single button connecting the two halves together, showing my cleavage and the huge ass scar on my chest.

I pull the blazer on connecting the button together, “What if they ask, you know about the scar, how I got it”

Neila smiled sort of endearingly, “Tell them the truth, it’s good press.” She chuckles.

But is it really? Would people think of me differently if they knew my past? I mean the public knew I was in the military, but they didn’t know what branch or what I did in the military, the CIA… whom I killed, whom I kidnapped… whom I tortured… who tortured me.

I really couldn’t decide whether the public needed to know or if they should know. I just knew for completely sure; I didn’t want to be treated differently. I didn’t want pity; I didn’t need it. I spent the entire first twelve years of my life trying to prove to people that I am as strong, powerful, and courageous as my country needed me.

And heck, I was the first solo female Navy Seal and former CIA Agent. Look at me now bitches, I didn’t need you, I didn’t need your opinions then and I don’t need your opinions now.

I nod at Neila finally coming content with my thoughts and she hands me a pair of long black Nike socks, and the most gorgeous, black-heeled combat boots I had ever seen, I raised my eyebrows “Okay, I got to admit those are kind of kick-ass” I grabbed them out of her hands shoving my feet through the socks, and boots and standing up.

“I knew you’d like them. Okay, one last thing. Jewelry” Neila gestures for me to turn around and I do as I lift my hair up, she puts on multiple silver chains the longer ones first, and then decrease in length finally stopping at a black choker.

Then she physically turns to be back around practically shoving diamond studs in my ear lobes, then fixing my light strawberry blonde curls while standing on her tip tones.

“Okay, It’s perfect! You can see now” She gestures to the mirror.

I walk over towards the shiny plastered glass embedded into the wall not truly expecting what I would see but when I did end up in front of it. I didn’t see myself. My hair, which hair normally long and stick straight and split in the middle, now was curled and split on the side. The bright red lipstick did exactly what it was meant to do, make my horse teeth stand out, goal achieved.

I now knew why Neila didn’t want me to see myself when the makeup was finished; because she knew I would object.

Which is fair, I do have a high opinion of everything, yet strangely I won’t take anyone else’s opinion. This is probably why I still don’t have social media even though my management encourages it strikingly so, I don’t care. I have my reasons; they’ll just have to respect them. I know what’s best for the course and the safety of my life.

But who cares now, the torture of this grueling makeover experience was finally over, and I couldn’t wait to go home, I truly missed not having to check for bed bugs every time I slept in a bed that wasn’t my own which felt like a lot now.

Nelia handed me a black clutch, with a quick look inside I was able to spot my cellphone, my ID, exactly four hundred dollars in cash, and the red lipstick that smothered my lips.

I sighed, what did I get myself into? –

The limousine that Neila had rented to take me to and from the award shows was expensive, who could’ve known a bougie bus could’ve been so much to rent?

I chose the seats in the fairest back of the tacky bus I could manage; I was dreading this experience I still question how I ended up in this position in the first place.

That’s another story for another time.

I was bouncing my knee, my anxiety prevalent. I needed some alcohol, something to take the edge off.

"There’s got to be something to drink in here” I mumbled.

The amount of money Neila spent on renting this stupid invention, it better be bulletproof, and diamond encrusted.

I lift the center console and see a mini fridge with fully stocked vodka and whiskey bottles, score.

I grab one, a decent vodka though it smelled like rubbing alcohol as I took the cap off, I gave the biggest drink I could manage.

Neila looked over at me from her phone, “what are you doing!” her voice was raised, and I shrugged, “I’m a grown woman, I deserve a drink” I screwed the cap back on, and she rolled her eyes and continued scrolling through her phone.

“You act like a teenager” She spoke.

To be fair it’s true, I was broken, depressed had a slight alcohol problem. Most teenagers were just like me nowadays.

I didn’t say anything, and I wasn’t going to object to the truth, but I also wasn’t going to feed into an argument. Jeez, we act like sisters.

“Here, this is your speech in case you win an award and the address to the nearest fast food. I won’t be here with you when the awards are over, I must be up early in the morning.” She handed me two pieces of paper, I briefly looked them over and was content with what I saw I stuffed it into my blazer pocket.

Once we got passed all the traffic and finally made it in front of the red carpet, I got ready.

“Remember, just own it, be yourself, pose, smile some, and answer questions,” Neila said, trying to reassure me.

I didn’t help. “This is your mission, you’re a famous actor, you are kind, funny, and easy-going”

That did a little bit, “This is my mission” I repeated.

“You got this girl” she spoke, giving me a pat on my thigh.

My door was opened by some type of

"It's good to see you Ms. Daines." He spoke offering me a hand; which I didn't take.

"It's Rhylan, but thank you." I said back. Maybe that was a bit too sly, should I apologize? I shook my head, I didn't realize how much I hated being around people until now.

In person the red carpet was a stronger red than I expected, the tacky ropes holding the screaming people waving flashing cameras were taller than those on television. I was truly not prepared to what was ahead of me.

I gave off my fakest smile and sent a wave with the hand that was wrapped so tightly around the head of my bottle of shitty vodka. That only made the crowd go scream more and the flashing of cameras burn my retinas, that wasn't a smart idea.

"Just follow the carpet, people will direct you" The big broody fake security guard said.

I nodded walking down the carpet with the plastic smile still across my face, lets hope I can get through this soon. I'm starving.

I stopped at this guy with long curly hair standing by a red-letter x on the floor, he was nicely dresses in a simple suit, he offered me a smile which I somewhat returned.

"Rhylan Daines, is it? My name is Cole, this is a slow-motion camera. Would you like to take a cool slow-motion video?"

I looked off to the large camera on a crane looking arm. I'll definitely pass. "Yes, Nice to meet you Cole. I—Uh, I'll pass not really my thing" I said, nodding.

"Are you sure? It will only take a few seconds." His voice was very encouraging.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I'm a bit too new to this, maybe next time. It was nice to meet you, Cole"

I offered him my hand, which he took and gave another smile.

"Okay, just continue the way down the carpet." He gestured.

I started walking down the carpet, the flashing going off ten folds. I was holding my clutch in one hand and the other was still cemented on the rim of my vodka, which I now considered my comfort bottle, even though how badly it tasted to my normal choice of Jewel.

The people screaming my name, the flashing -- It made my eyes water and my ears ring, I wanted to escape this strange hell or heaven, they always used to say heaven would be welcomed by a bright white light.

I go up to a lady holding a microphone out nearly getting trampled by the incoming crowd pushing against the ropes. She offered me a smile, telling me her name, which I honestly couldn't hear nor did I really care.

I held up a finger, in one of those pause gestures causing her to stop talking.

I looked above to the crowed and pushing my voice from my diaphragm, I spoke in the voice the military gifted me. "Listen up, If anyone wants me to answer their questions, start by this: Quit leaning on the ropes, turn your flash off; it makes my eyes hurt, and stop shouting. I can assure you everyone twenty miles away can hear you, while y'all are at it, give this girl some space, come on guys don't be rude."

The crowd became quiet, while cameras were still up and the sound of clicking was continuing, the bright flash blinding my eyes ceased and the crowd backed up a bit leaving the short lady some space to stand up straight. She offered me a smile, which I pretended to not see.

"Thank you"

"Don't worry about it, I understand being on the bottom of the totem pole" I spoke.

I wasn't lying for once either. The military especially the navy was so male dominated when I joined, nobody took me seriously. It surprised everyone when I applied to go to SEAL training and got accepted, they thought it was a joke, a girl? Special ops? Please.

Boy did I prove them wrong, though nobody expected me to get through it. The first few women before who were brave enough to try, never got past the first few days. Therefore, making me the very first female navy seal.

But let me tell you, it still pissed me off they wouldn't let me on a submarine, no females allowed? Are you joking? Not to mention, few months after they ship me and my shit to the CIA the headlines stated, 'United States Navy now allows women on submarines'.

THE AUDACIY.

"So am I able to ask you a few questions?" I nodded, "Go for it"

I somehow new they were going to be personal, but it feels like every time I end up around a fan or paparazzi, they are always inclined to ask about my life outside of acting.

While I could understand the curiosity, I was good at keeping my life a secret I did it for so long and for so many years. It was annoying they wouldn't ask about my work, how I was able to overcome things, how I ended up being so successful so fast. Seeing this was my first appearance on film and main character? That's generally never heard of.

"It's strange, there's been a few other appearances for the cast of Mad Max; Fury Road. What made you not go to those and make an appearance here?" She pointed the microphone at me,

I actually laughed, "I was told there was going to be free food here, I can't cook worth of shit"

"Damn it—fuck, My bad, I'm sorry. I was told not to curse" I cover my mouth, she just laughed "Don't worry about it"

"Uhm—Your backstory is a little bit scrambled; nobody can figure out who you are. What did you do before making your big debut into the world of acting?"

Scrambled? Who said that? Damn, I want some eggs now.

Okay Rhylan, stop thinking about food. Answer her question.

Right her question, what was her question?

"Oh, I was in the military" I said, not the full truth, not a full lie either though.

Her eyes widened a bit and as she looked down to look at her clip board her eyes caught the scar on my chest, damn. This was going so smoothly, now more questions, I internally groaned.

"Really? What branch?"

I thought about it, should I really answer it. I shook my head; I'll deal with the repercussions later. I rather be honest now.

"Navy"

She smiled, "That's really cool, actually my da—"

I felt someone kiss my cheek, I turned my head and see Tom smiling, "It's good to see you again, twinkle toes." He spoke in his rough British accent, I smiled, a true Rhylan smile.

"You know I hate that nickname—" I playfully punched his shoulder.

"Tough."

I smiled and rolled my eyes, Tom and I stepped back to pose in front of the wall with random logo's sponsoring the award shows.

Soon more of the cast of Mad Max, Fury Road, showed up. Of course, Nick, being Nick decided to try to give me a hug and that was the worst pain I had ever experience.

Once we were sitting a table in the huge auditorium, which was lucky towards the back, I finally felt my self-relax a little bit.

I took a long-awaited swig of my vodka, "So, how have you been? Any new projects yet?" Tom asked trying to make small talk,

"Yeah, I've gotten a quite a few offers. I haven't really made any decisions yet."

A waiter with fancy a fancy black vest and white undershirt, put a large plate of salad in front of me, my lips curled in disgust. I hate salad, or rabbit food as I called it.

"No thank you" I gave the plate back to him which he took and ran off. Probably to gossip, I don't blame him. I would too.

"What were the offers?" Tom continues, him picking up the fork and shoving the leafy green bullshit in his mouth.

I took another sip of my vodka, "Return of Zander Cage, Deadpool, few tv show appearances and uhm—" I paused, I just knew he was going to chew my ass out. "Wonder women"

Tom dropped his fork, making the rest of the cast look at us, I awkwardly smiled, Nicholas next to me put his hand on my shoulder, "You okay love?"

"Don't worry" I said, pulling his hand off my shoulder. No touching. I hate people touching me.

I looked back over to Tom, "Wonder women, are you kidding me!"

"Shh!" I hit his shoulder.

"Nobody is supposed to know keep your mouth shut. You're lucky I even told you"

When I met Mr. Tom Hardy here, I didn't know a damn thing about what I was getting myself into. The whole setting was new to me, which generally caused my emotions to be out of whack. I got the role of Imperator Furiosa by chance. I was at the right place at the right time, and I guess the right people had their happy panties on, end the end, here I am.

While I do wish I could thank those that fought for me to get the role and ultimately succeeded, a part of me wondered where I would be now if they didn't.

Probably still undercover, maybe seizing somewhere in a dark alley alone again.

While It was true, I didn't like people. I didn't like being around them, I didn't like incessant need every person I met in this career felt the need to hug or touch me or give me advice I didn't ask for. I did enjoy exploring the inner part of me that always had a love for the arts.

When I first started out, Tom really helped me through the new emotions and situations I wasn't used to experiencing, I really owe some part of supposed fame to him, now he's the closes thing I have to a friend in this industry.

"You're going to take it right?" Tom asked, the previous look of concern still plastered on his face.

"Wonder women? Oh—I don't know. Nelia thinks I should, but I think I should just roll a dice or something."

Just then a six-ounce steak on a fancy glass white plate was put in front of me, I licked my lips. Food.

Oh how I was starving. I hadn't eaten anything all day.

I took a bite of the steak; it was juicy and medium rare just how I liked it.

The vocal moan I let out of my mouth made the table laugh as Nicholas threw a few jokes, normally I would flip him off, but the juicy steak stole my attention from reality. Okay, maybe this isn't so bad after all.

The rest of the time I spent there was a blur, I remember once food was done being served and the awards were starting, the announcer did the long draw out introduction made some sad jokes, looking back on it I don't even remember their name.

Damn. That's sad.

I found myself just drinking, before I knew it, I had downed the full bottle and I finally felt the buzz I was looking for, craving.

I wasn't anywhere near drunk, but I wasn't sober, and it was awesome. No pain, complete honesty and I bet if I tried, I could sleep more than two hours straight.

Alcohol, you know those ads that say it doesn't solve your problems, they're lying to you.

Truly.

When Tom's hand slapped me back into reality things happened all too fast,

"They called your name! Get up there!"

Oh shit.

What.

Me?

Oh no, fuck.

I might die, shit no, I might puke, and shit my paints...and die. All at once.

I bet it would be a record.

I scoot back my chair and start to walk up to the stage as clapping continues, I made sure to give off the realest fake smile I could manage and a few waves to a different actors and celebrities I had recognized, surprisingly all of them waved back.

Huh, okay maybe not everyone in this industry are snobs.

Once I received the fancy award, for best staring actress, I said thank you to the host or whatever, which I still didn't know the of and he handed me a microphone.

Fuck. A speech?

I wasn't prepared for this.

I looked at the huge room full of different celebrities of all different talents and my mind froze, as I felt for the speech Neila had written for me I mentally cursed.

But hey, the address to...

"I had prepared a speech, I had written it down and everything."

Lie.

"But I guess I lost it, now I only have the address for IN-AND-OUT, what the hell is that?"

Crowd laughed. Well that's a good start.

"North main street, if anyone wants to know."

The crowd laughed again.

Maybe this will go somewhat good.

"I'm not really good at public speaking, never have. This is all so new to me. I started acting because I learned I enjoyed being in other people's shoes, feeling they're emotions, processing the way the think. Reliving they're experiences." As I was speaking in the microphone, I was looking over every face I could see in the large room everyone had a normal unjudging facial expression.

Fuck it, the lady that interviewed me outside will have parts of my backstory on newspapers in a few days. I rather it come straight from me.

"I was in the Navy before stepping in the audition that changed my life for the better, while I can't really say much about my time in it or after, I can say that those moments laughing and working with the cast that made me find a love in the arts again really helped me through those tough days, and to get this..."

I looked at the trophy, best staring actress for Mad Max: Fury Road.

"Thank you"

The crowd broke out clapping again, the table in the back of course hollering my name. Nicholas and Tom probably, maybe they've had a little bit too much to drink.

Don't be a hypocrite Rhylan, it's not like you didn't just wash down a whole bottle of acetone. Watch my kidney's bleed while I pee later.

Karma is a bitch they say.

Once I handed the microphone back to the host and said my goodbyes, I made it back to the table where all the cast congratulated me, while most of them knew I didn't enjoy being touched, I couldn't let myself pull back from a hug from Rosie or Zoe.

Tom did get a little bit jealous though, so I gave him a side hug, still the same right?

My award was pretty, though I can't describe what it looks like because realistically it's kind of ugly and I don't want judgement.

Its pretty because I worked my ass off for it.

I always did well with positive reinforcement, you know like when you teacher gives you a star sticker and you prize that stupid sticker the entire day.

Maybe that's why the military gives you racks? The big kid sticker.

Never thought about it that way

Guess as you get older you realize things you didn't before

The rest of the show went on fast; the last few people got their award and the live show was wrapped up. They finally let everyone either say goodbye and leave, or go to the after party which was in a different section of the large building.

To be honest, I wanted to leave.

"There will be all you can drink, free alcohol" Tom whispered in my ear, him drunk already.

I raised my eyebrow, really? Free? Well don't mind if I do.

"Fine, I'll go but no dancing or weird shit."

The party section was kind of like the warehouse clubs I went to as a teenager. Gosh, I missed those days.

It had strobe lights of colors and fancy black and white party decorations. The music was some disco noise that honestly made my ears bleed but was such a repetitive beat it was easy to drown out.

The one thing that did call my attention was the long bar with multiple bartenders in black long-sleeved shirts, two male and one female with bright blue hair. There were empty stools lined along the counter of the bar, most people were just ordering a drink and going off to different standing tables to mingle with their fellow celebrity friends. Not me.

"Hey, I gotta take a piss, catch up with you a minute" Tom said tapping my arm to get my attention over the blaring music, I nodded in response.

Once Tom wondered off to find a restroom, I made my way to the bar sitting in one of the surprisingly comfortable bar chairs. Nelia had stopped by before she had to leave and gave me a congratulatory speech. Well, more like her, because as her words, she was the 'best manager ever and I wouldn't have gotten this far without her'

Though she wasn't wrong, she could've been a bit more subtle about it.

But luckily, she had offered to take the award back to my hotel room before she went to hers, she made sure to insult how it looked beforehand though which is such like her.

I waved over the bartender, "Hey man, what's the best whiskey you got?"

He smiled holding up a finger for me to give him a moment, he walks over to the large shelfing system the bottle he grabbed was almost like a wine bottle, tall and slim with more of a corked cap.

"This shit, I swear everybody is sleeping on it" he said, grabbing a chilled shot glass and pouring me a taste, once he handed it to me, I gave it a good sniff catching hints of orange and honey, smells good.

I downed the shot in a swig, damn it was really good.

"Damn, whats this called?" I asked

"Eagle Rare, its aged for ten years or so. This want you want?" He raised the bottled up,

"Yeah, on rocks though. You better have more than that tiny bottle." I got settled in my chair pulling out my phone and flipping through it.

Not long I was already on my second glass, and I knew the alcohol was finally hitting me, I clicked the messaging app on my phone and sent a video to my mom.

"Hey Momma, I miss you and my puppy, California can suck my left nut, its so hot here and smells bad. Give my puppy a kiss for me, love you" I kissed the phone.

Sent.

Welp. I'll regret that.

"Can I get a martini, please"

A large British man asked the bartender, who then nodded and proceeded to make the drink.

A martini, how girly, and snobby...

The alcohol in me made the laugh I normally would've kept hidden made me break out in a cackle. A full-on smiling cackle, I was still talking to myself in my head, a martini?

I didn't even look at the man once, but I could feel him staring at me.

Okay man, what's with the staring?

Say what you want to say, I hate people who withhold how they feel. Its irritating, I should've have to play hopscotch and rock paper scissors at once to decipher what you want me to figure out.

"Why are you laughing?" He asked, finally receiving his drink from the bartender, and taking a small sip.

"Because—a martini." I laugh again.

"Yeah? What's wrong with a martini?" His voice...it was deeper but sounded so familiar.

I was too drunk to put my finger on it.

"What isn't wrong with a martini? Is so boring"

For some reason, I still wasn't looking at him.

"What's a good suggestion then?" He asks, from the corner of my eye I could see him setting down his martini.

"Jewel, but normally nobody has it." I shook my head, so sad, stupid Russian imports.

Just then the bartender pulls out the bottle, Oh. My. God.

I think I'm going to start crying, and I never cry, especially in public.

I looked at the bartender my eyes were hazy, "I think I'm in love with you"

He cackled.

The fancy British guy continued, "Well since you suggested, I'll take a shot with you. Bartender, two please."

Just then two shots were placed in front of us, I started to pick mine up and go for the goal, my mouth.

"Wait, lets cheers on it." He offered.

I rolled my eyes, and turned facing him and froze.

Oh My Jersey.

The shock on my face didn't even phase him, he just clinked his shot on to mine and downed it in one sitting before placing the shot glass on the counter.

"Hi Rhylan," He said, getting slightly closer.

I was still frozen, I couldn't believe after almost, seven...eight... no, nine years from seeing each other the first time to now. The day me and Henry had met the first time and spent those few hours together had really changed my idea on what a soulmate was, or if it was possible.

Though because Henry had become close to me on mission and I had told him my real name, I had to keep tabs on him for a little while to make sure my choices didn't get him hurt...or even killed.

After he started getting a bit bigger in the acting world and got casted in some fancy show which I honestly didn't care to watch, he moved to London, and I had stopped needed to keep tabs on him, he was safe.

As much as I wanted to see him again, I felt some type of connection I had never felt before with Henry as long as I was in the career path I was in I was never going to be able to be with him without him being in danger, not to mention how unfair it would be to be in a relationship with someone and not being able to tell them all the ways something could go wrong because it was 'classified'.

It's why my dating world was dry and stuck to hook ups where the guy was okay with me being on top and in control. Though nowadays it was it was hard to come by without using some type of app which I wasn't going to do now because of my social status.

"Rhylan?"

Henry grabs the full shot glass and puts it on the counter as I slowly come back to reality.

"Henry?" My throat was dry.

"Yes, it seems you do remember me, is that right?"

I nodded, my body still frozen from the utter shock I was in right now. The chances of him standing here in front of me right now...

"It's been a while—"

"Almost ten years." I said, my eyes looking down, he had grown a lot of muscle over the years, and it seemed either he had a stylist or he now knew how to dress himself. Either way I guess is good.

"Yes, almost."

"Why are you here?" I asked, my voice was fast, and I knew it showed more emotion than I wanted.

"I was nominated, I won too. But I should be asking you the same question."

"Never mind that—it doesn't matter." I turned back to my drink taking a long sip.

Henry moved closer, my arm holding my head up the only barrier between him and his hot breath. "Why did you leave that day? I looked for you." His voice was deep, he was intending for only me to hear it. But the British accent, the deep sultry tone of his voice and his hot breath in my ear, it gave me serious goosebumps.

I cringe and pull away from his delicious voice, too close, way to close. I glanced at him, reading his face, he was buzzed that was for sure you could tell by the haze in his beautiful blue eyes. I glanced back at my drink, downing the rest of the orange smoked whiskey.

"Are you going to answer my question?" His eyes were drilling into me, I could feel it without even looking at him. "Nothing to answer" I waved over the bartender to get my fourth glass of the addicting poison. "Bullshit" He hissed— "I don't know what you want to hear Henry, I was on mission, you knew my name, where I was from, if the wrong person saw me with you, your life could've been in danger." Henry shook his head; he was obviously not happy with that answer. "Why tell me anything if you felt that way?"

I didn't answer that, while I knew the answer, I wasn't going to admit I felt content with Henry that day. The connection I felt then was still present, Henry was open and honest, he spoke his mind but was also mostly a gentleman while doing it. "Doesn't matter." Henry stood from leaning on the bar, his frame was large well over six foot tall his face cleanly shaven and his hair was just perfectly messed up, something my hazy eyes caught was the tinge of pinky nude lipstick on his lips.

He had a date.

Go figure.

Henry pressed his hand on my shoulder, and I froze, twirling around and grabbing his wrist tightly, "Something I've developed from the last time you saw me. I despise being touched." The sensation when someone touched me was overwhelming, it was like every nerve in my body was on fire and I felt the pain of being electrocuted all over again. I couldn't stand it, why did everyone feel the need to touch me. I threw his hand, it was rude, I know it was, but his gaze never changed while he was looking at me.

"I'm not the same person anymore." I started,

"I'm more broken then I once was, I have flashbacks, I don't sleep, and I fucking hate people"

"I don't even know what drugs I was on to make me want to start acting. I guess the apple doesn't fall from the tree"

When I was undercover, the CIA would give me a new identity for every different mission I was on, every new name comes with new hobbies, new ways to think, new dress style, I never was myself and quite frankly I still now know nothing about who I am.

I'm lost and broken, and so far from being fixed or having a possibility being fixed.

"Henry! There you are, I was looking for you!" A blonde British female shouted causing my ears to ring. "Have fun" I said sarcastically, downing the rest of my drink.

"Let me get your number, we need to talk more." He asked frantic to pull out his phone.

"I'll pass, seems your too busy for a common distraction." I gestured to the blonde.

I pulled a hundred-dollar bill from the clutch and tipped the bartender that served me in my self-pity, leaving Henry standing frozen at the bar.

Unfortunately, the only exit to leaving this hell hole would make me pass by the bleach blonde mistress. I stopped beside the blonde, whispering in her ear. "Tara King, you surely do have your work set out for you."

I'll admit it was to intimidate her, while I knew her name, she didn't know mine, I just seemed like random crazy stalker that was hitting on her boyfriend. As I was walking off I saw Tom resting his hand on the wall breathing heavily, "Rhylan there you are—"

“I'm pissed" I said walking off. I had to get out of here, out of the hell that I called my life, the hell of seeing Henry again. The uber ride home was long and over drawn, luckily the driver didn't recognize me or try to make conversation which is something hard to come by lately.

Once I made it to my hotel room, I stripped off all the ridiculous clothes off the moment I closed the door, kicking off the pretty but uncomfortable boots and taking off every neckless Neila insisted on.

I made my way to the shower letting the burning hot water turn my skin bright red.

Pain.

I was so desensitized to it.

I sat one the fancy white couch just staring at the blank television, my life had changed so much over the years, when I was young, I hated change, I would run away from it.

Every part of my life had to be scheduled, when I ate, when I slept, what activities had to be planned out with people. Nothing could differ from my schedule but after the navy... everything changed.

The way I perceive the world changed, the average person doesn't realize how much evil is in the world, how much hate there is in the world. Corrupt officials, terrorists of all different races and nationalities, drug dealers...cartel, I could make a list. I turned on Dr. house watching the finale of season four where spoiler alert Dr. Wilson's soulmate dies.

I cried like a baby no joke.

I looked at the clock it was nearly three in the morning, I guess I better get some sleep, if any.

If only I knew what my future had in store for me.

#henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fic #henry cavill smut #dad! henry cavill #henry cavill #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill x you #henry cavill fluff

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talldarkandroguesome · 1 year

Text

11th of Sun’s Dawn, Loredas

It has been such a joy to be out of Mournhold. And spending some time with Tel away from world ending situations and just the two of us was very pleasant.

Part of me had been rather worried about how Tel often sees Dunmeri culture as inherently better, more correct. I did not wish to appear ignorant or to be the sort of mer that travels abroad only to make themself feel more secure in the notion of their own correctness or to see others as lesser. Yet I knew that there was no way to help expand Tel’s views if they are simply to remain in their isolated little circle of Armigers there on Vvardenfell.

I hoped to expand their world a little. As a friend, I could see the curiosity and interest in other peoples and their culture and I did not wish to take Tel to Shadowfen, which in many places has a history of being under the sway of Morrowind. I did not want anything which might confirm to Tel any of their misguided notions of Dunmeri superiority in any way.

Yet there was a great fear that they might do or say something which would prove that I had only worsened this viewpoint or that I, too, might be judged for their words or actions.

There was really only one incident of the sort, which happened very early on. As we left the Mages Guild building there in Lilmoth and began to wind our way through the beautiful street that rose and fell over the ground, Tel called the architecture of the place quaint.

I was very on edge that my fear should be realized so soon and I told them there was nothing quaint about it and should they like to see precisely the reason for it. I give Tel credit for their curiosity and I showed them the few stone building of the city. Their slanted stature, the stones half sunk into the ground that was far too saturated with water to withstand the weight of such a structure, stood as a contrast to the rest of the town built up upon grand stilts. I explained the failed attempts of the Imperials to bring their culture to Murkmire and establish themselves as the superior culture. In a place like this, if you did not learn from those who knew it best, you were doomed to failure.

Tel looked very thoughtful, but said little, looking to the rest of the city with eyes wide with excitement. They said nothing more, other than to ask a bit about the stilts themselves. I had to plead ignorance to much of their questions, but assured them that I had hired a guide to take us around on the morrow who would no doubt be far more able to answer any questions they had.

We explored the various shops and got ourselves acquainted with the city. Despite the time of year, it was already rather balmy and I was glad to have changed into some locally appropriate attire before we arrived. The winds were still cool, but felt great against my skin as I sweat lightly from our jaunt up and down the raised streets. I thought fondly of the scolding that Qau-dar would have given me for having my torso so exposed. Of how he would get so upset about it. How I miss him dearly.

We stopped so that we could get Tel some appropriate clothing as well. Green is a popular color for attire here and it was easy to find many things which suited Tel’s hair and complexion. And I did not mind being able to glance over and see quite so much of them.

We stopped to eat and had a delightful meal of some of the local catfish, fried in a fragrant oil, served with stewed, spiced vegetables, and stone baked plantain cakes. The whole meal was delightful and refreshing concluded with fresh local fruits dusted with roasted cocoa nibs and vanilla seeds, and the slightly touch of salt. Tel seemed so enthralled by the cooking that I may have let out an audible sigh of relief. I had been worried that they would not enjoy it, but the way they gobbled the whole thing up, I was able to relax a bit.

We spent a bit of time at the music shop, mostly so that we could hear some of the instruments particular to that part of Black Marsh. They are such a delight to hear, including the vossa-satl, which I have only ever seen sitting unplayed before. The frogs needed to induce the delightful tones of the instrument are very particular and native to Murkmire, so to have the chance to hear one was a particular treat. I had so much to do when last I was in Murkmire, more than fifty years ago, that I never had the opportunity.

We took in some street performances and then retired to our inn, the amusingly named Lusty Argonian Footman. Clearly a nod to the famous book series, but in a cheeky way. The proprietress, Jasudei, was a very wise and spiritual sort and would say the most profound things as though they were merely small talk. She was a great source of information about the city and put us up in a delightful little suite. Tel and I spent most of the evening catching up about things and speaking of subjects from our letters. We had another delightful meal of spiced meat and vegetables with some form of grain I have never known the name of before, but that has a delightful bit of crunch to it. Again, the meal was finished with those delightful local fruits and we retired early, that we might be able to rise with the dawn and begin our explorations.

Tel kept trying to get me to go to sleep right away, but I wanted to catch up in a more intimate manner before slumber. It is a good thing the bed was so sturdy, for we surely had made up for lost time. And soon enough we found ourselves spent and exhausted.

Tel stroked my hair and I found it rather easy to drift off to sleep, though I knew to stay somewhat alert, we were in a strange place and I can never trust a place that I knew inside and out, let alone one I do not. We were at disadvantage should any assassins or robbers be wishing to make their attempts.

And yet, it was not some outside force that caused me to jolt from my rest, but those fetching nightmares. Damn Luayl and his stupid training course. I knew when I was going to lay down that I could not simply shut off my dreams in a single night, it takes a couple of days to manage it one way or the other. And so I had to consign myself to having the dreams, and the full force of the memory of them.

So there I was, the fading vision of those golden hands, bloodied with my son’s blood, trembling, trying to will away the thoughts. Knowing that they were not real, yet still feeling the grip of the terror on my heart. I knew Sildras was safe. There was no way the Thalmor could slip into Mournhold so easily, let alone my home. My son was fine. He was. I knew it in my mind.

Yet the visions continued to play over and over again, even as they were fading.

Then a hand came up and pressed to my back. I started, not expecting someone to be there. Tel asked me if I was alright, what was wrong. I told them that it was nothing, I had been awoken from a deep sleep by a noise, but that it was gone now and I was just clearing my head.

Tel’s arm wrapped around me, they asked if I had a bad dream. I felt like a child, still trembling in their arms. Was I so obvious? I told them it was fine, truly.

They asked if I should like to talk about it. I said no, the dream was already fading. That did little to change their concerned look. One not so dissimilar to the one that Luayl gives me at times. They asked if this was because of the Planemeld and our time spent in Coldharbour.

Coldharbour? No, I said. And the tone seemed to put them at ease. They tried to coax me to speak about it, but I declined, saying that I had someone whose job it was to deal with these things. that he had deemed it proper for me to explore these dreams and that otherwise I would not be burdened with them at all. It was something I would report when I got back home.

Tel did not seem overly sure, but they said no more of it. I promised myself to be extra careful not to wake Tel the next time. I did not wish to have their mind on anything but our reason for coming. For the fun we were to have together.

They laid back down, pulling me with them, and held me. It was... well, it helped. I hate to admit that such a simple gesture could, given how tight a grip those dreams get upon me. But it was a comfort.

We had another wonderful meal and then met with our guide. He took us around and showed us the art and architecture of the city. Tel asked many questions and I just enjoyed the freedom of being away from the House, the responsibilities, and constant watching eyes. It was a miracle I timed things as I did so that my birthgift would free me of constant Houseguard. I am sure the efforts will redouble when I return.

We purchased a great deal of art and art supplies. We took a short boat ride around the city and up the river a bit. Tel using the opportunity to do some painting. I spoke with our guide, Chuxu, about local business and politics. How the weather had been affecting their city. Lilmoth is a merchant city, something a bit unusual for Black Marsh, particularly Murkmire. He explained about what it was like to farm here instead of in his village and how much he enjoys the opportunity to meet so many new people and learn so many new things. I told him we were much alike, for it was curiosity and a desire for knowledge that had brought us so far from home.

Chuxu had a delightful sense of humor and we talked easily for a great while. He offered to take us to the Bright Throat tribe’s village, a half a day’s travel from the city. I asked Tel if they would be interested, I was quite eager to have the chance, but Tel said that we would use the remainder of our allotted time to do so and that they would rather get to know the city better.

I promised Chuxu that our next time coming here we would take him up on the offer, planning more time than our current trip. He said he would welcome us back any time we wished, so long as he was not busy tending to the fields.

I bought everything Tel said they had any interest or liking of. I know that they were upset about not being able to get all their things back, but I said I was more than happy to pay for someone to assist us, as I am always happy to share the House’s coin with those who have more need of it.

When we were back to our room and Chuxu handsomely provided for, even beyond what the agreed upon rate was, I told Tel how sad I was to be leaving. I shared about just how awful the House was making things with this whole nonsense about a mistress and providing them more approved heirs. I lamented how they would not let me see Qau-dar or the other spouses, yet I would not be able to enter into any arrangement without the permissions of my spouses as it was.

Tel did not understand why they would not simply wait until after the lifespan of my husband had drawn to an end. It was a morbid thought, that I might only have another five or six decades within which to spend with my beloved Qau-dar. A period of time in which I may continue to remain separated from him.

I had to push that feeling to the pit of my stomach. To repress such sad notions. I am too much drawn to periods of melancholy as it is. I did not wish to begin a new one.

I explained that the House was anxious with how quickly they had jumped two spots down the succession line already and that they were worried that uncle Urnel was not ready enough to be Grandmaster, let alone find a suitable wife and sire heirs. And depending on when he died, the next in line was either Mother, only six years his junior in age, or myself. They did not wish to risk having a half Bosmer heir take over, they hated Nabine and put those feelings on poor Kuna, assuming she would be identical in demeanor to her mother. So as it stood, they only truly saw Sildras as my heir and I knew they would attempt to keep my from Grandmastery as much as possible. It meant that they might try to go straight from uncle Urnel to Sildras. So if something were to happen to him, they had no one. They wanted their spare heirs and they wanted them now.

Tel told me they were sorry and they helped me to find distractions afterwards.

I had a new set of nightmares, brought on by that horrible realization of how little time Qau-dar and I have left. This time I was very careful upon waking, sliding gently to the far edge of the bed and then getting up and sitting on the floor in the corner of the room. I pressed a pillow to my face and let the emotions pour out of me through my breath and into that pillow until I had nothing left. Then I rejoined Tel as if I had simply gotten up to go to the privy. They stirred slightly when I climbed back in besides them, but only pulled me close and continued slumbering peacefully.

I am sad to say it is our last day now. Although I miss my son terribly, I am otherwise happy to be far from home. If only I could have just one more day. Just one.

#ESO #TES #RP #Dunmer #Elder Scrolls Online #The Elder Scrolls

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knownymous · 10 months

Text

Anyway..

It happens suddenly. It is a sinking feeling in your heart, your gut, or your neck, depending where your trigger points are. It’s a panic attack in slow motion. It’s not passing. The thoughts are getting darker and darker. No friend can rescue you right now. You know what they will say.

“You are special” “It’s okay to feel sad.”

“You have so much to offer.”

“Do you want me to accompany you?”

“Go outside the house for a little bit”

None of that is helpful to you. You know all the hacks are temporary. The feeling will come back, and there you are again. The feeling is far more common than we realize. There is this obsessive need for connection created largely by social media and technology. We need to feel “connected” all the time to absolutely anyone. We refresh our Instagram feed for the 11th time in a day to see stories of people we don’t know. Our phones are mostly on silent, yet our fingers check in every couple of minutes to see who said what on which platform. We watch videos sent to us by a family of strangers in different parts of the world doing bizarre things we don’t even care about. Work meetings drag on for longer than required because people don’t want to hit “leave meeting” and be left in their silence, or better yet, meetings that could have been emails or that were absolutely redundant are set up weekly for “check-ins” on this or that project.

A message makes us feel important, a meeting invitation makes us feel important, a “like” make us feel important, a “shoutout” makes us feel important. The truth of the matter is that all this so-called connection is temporary. The meeting ends, the “likes” stop meaning anything if it’s only from your mom or your best friend. You finally have to put that family group chat on mute because the messages that were once funny are now just dull. You can’t find joy in your phone or your computer anymore. Joy is lacking big time.

Then you will find couples even in squirrels, pigeons, extremely old seniors in wheelchairs. Netflix will suddenly only produce rom coms, and the leading drama everyone is talking about will be a love story. Everywhere you look, there’s a couple. Logically, you understand that just finding someone is not healthy. Logically, you understand that most people in relationships would rather be in a relationship than be alone. Why? Because being alone means you have a lot of time to focus on your own problems. Being in a couple means you can largely blame each other for your shortcomings and generally be distracted in each other’s lives. Trust me, it adds up. Logically, you know why people stay in low quality relationship. Because likely, you once did it too.

I don’t know what the solution is or what the antidote to being lonely is. But I do know this: When loneliness comes knocking on your door, you can either let it in or pretend you’re not home, but you’ll live in fear knowing it’s waiting for you on the other side, and as soon as you open the metaphoric door, it’s going to come in. Don’t be afraid of it. Let it in. Have some silly fun with it. Ask it to have a seat, offer it a cup of coffee, and then talk. Why are you here? What do you need? What am I missing?

Sure, a relationship would be great and I would feel less lonely, but I have also been in relationships where I have been most lonely. At the end of the day, I live with my thoughts. I live in my body, and being lonely may help me become more intimate with myself and live a more authentic life. For now on, I’m letting it in.

Ps: Writing this all accompanied by John Mayer’s - St. Patrick’s day makes it feel like John has "it is better to have loved and lost..." attitude about it. Just my thoughts tho.

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queerlich · 1 year

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Why I created the Suit of Chalices Collective

First a little story…

Since starting my practice in the summer of 2020 (right when COVID was really rising here) I knew I was in for an intense trial-by-fire introduction to being a counsellor. I knew I had things to offer my queer community AND I knew I would feel that weight of being one of the few queer counsellors who doesn’t have a waitlist. Who was able to start seeing the people who came across me and my work immediately. I took on a lot, I learned some valuable lessons. I am forever grateful to the folks I have worked with and continue to work with.

However, I knew something wasn’t quite right.

You see, I went into counselling school with the intention of gaining some skills and real experience in holding space for others so that I could be a better tarot reader. I had been reading for others for 2 years (and reading for myself for longer) coming into counselling school and had already recognized where I was lacking. I wanted to share my gifts with the world, but I lacked the words and practice in doing that. Schooling definitely provided that, and it also greatly diminished my trust in the healing ability of spiritual services like tarot. I was told over and over how healing looks a certain way with certain methods (and sometimes even for certain people).

Certainty.

Something that tarot is not. Spirituality is not so certain, so laid out and defined. Tarot, astrology, human design, and channelling guides; none of these give a step-by-step plan for how to live your life. They are tools, structures, and relationships that one can use to EXPLORE life. To experiment with it and see what lands. That is where I thrive. That is where I get excited and enlivened. The in-between spaces, the nebulous places, and yes, the liminal existence. Being a “counsellor” was crushing me and I was doing the work of self-indoctrination that capitalism and colonization wanted. Telling myself I couldn’t fully trust tarot as a method on its own. That I couldn’t trust my spirituality to be the vessel from which I created offerings of healing and connection. When I realized this was where I was at, I was convinced that I needed change.

And I needed it now.

Around this time there was a lunar eclipse (May 27th) in Sagittarius (my 11th house) and the supportive energy was to let go. It gave fuel to my release of Maverick the Counsellor. So that April 2021, I deregistered and allowed myself to dream of more. I moved into Maverick the Queer Peer & Tarot Reader. This brought some needed changes and did revitalize my dedication to my work for yet another year.

However, come May 2022, I realized I still needed more change. I went on a week-long sabbatical to return home to myself and dream up new offerings, new structures, and new ways to do my practice that would enliven me even more.

This has also been the year where I opened myself up to learning more about Human Design. Prior to this, I thought HD was just a weird way to complicate one’s birth chart, it merges knowledge from many different cultures in a way I wasn’t comfortable with (and still am in some ways). Between the astrology birth chart, the Chinese I-Ching, Indian (and South Asian) Chakras, and Jewish Kabbalah there are many aspects of Human Design that we need to engage with from a decolonial perspective. While I don’t foresee it becoming a big part of my life or practice, I do appreciate HD for how it has allowed me to understand myself in a new way. As a 1/3 Manifesting-Generator, I have been able to experiment with softening myself to my so-called mistakes. I have always resonated with experimentation and play in my work and life, so being a 1/3 just made sense.

It confirmed my need for variety and change, and a recognition of the cycles of my life. Maybe every May to April transition I’ll need to shift something. Maybe that is just part of how I work. As long as I communicate these shifts with the people I work with, with my community, there will be a way for me to integrate these cycles and changes in my life.

All coming back to the why…

During this year’s re-creation process I reconnected with my desire for more group-based work. I truly believe that healing happens in the community, and in our relationships with others. I believe that we are strengthened by our connections to a community that cares. I also understand how not everyone can just go out into the world and find the community they desire.

Hell, I’m definitely not one of those people. I’m autistic. The first connection with someone out in the world often doesn’t go well because of how uncertain I am about how to engage with them. If I don’t have a structure to fall back on I just default to not sharing myself with the others (and I’m totally cool with that).

So, having curated and themed spaces, where I know something about the people coming into the group, creates a lot of safety for me. This is why I created The Suit of Chalices the way I did. Being a community that centers queer spiritual connection, you can join knowing that everyone there is:

A) queer,

B) spiritual (or curious),

and C) grounded in discovering how both of these can fuel our justice-doing practices.

How often do we encounter a community that integrates all of those three? Queerness is political, spirituality is political, and community care is definitely political. To me, it doesn’t make sense to separate these aspects of our Selves that are tied together so intricately.

Pluto is in Capricorn until January 2024. Being the planet of transformation, rebirth, death, and change; we are seeing the effects right now in our political climates. Now is the time for abolition, now is the time to restructure our communities and how we care for each other. This community is a co-creative space. What I am offering right now is a possibility for how this community will serve us and a way for us all to connect. I’m really excited about hearing from you about what more you desire as our community grows. So if you have been seeking the same connections I have and are interesting in joining a growing, exploratory community, then I say you’ve found the right place.

Note: The Suit of Chalices is no longer active, all tarot readings from 2022 are what was contained within before I shut it down.

#suit of chalices #tarot readings #community archive #once were paid posts #now theyre just for anyone

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stargazer-balladeer · 3 years

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S/o’s birthday but locks themselves in their rooms because they don’t feel special [Genshin Impact]

Characters Included: Aether, Childe, Diluc, Kaeya & Venti.

Notes: Ayeeee! Since it’s my birthday today, why not make this? :))) I actually got carried away 🥲 this is around 3.5k words in total. Hope ya’ll like this!

Reader’s Gender: Neutral (tho i think there’s a slight implied female hehe…)

Warning: probably some swear words here and there knowing me- and mild suggestive themes in kaeya’s part

[albedo, scaramouche, xiao]

Aether remembers your birthday more than he knows his- like srsly, he’s the kind that remembers his s/o’s bday more than his. He’s also the kind that celebrates it privately unless you want to celebrate it with others, which he doesn’t mind. He might have a hard time deciding what kind of gift you want, but sooner or later, he already has one (or multiples bc he can’t decide-).

Imagine his confusion when your day finally arrives but he can’t find you anywhere, even Paimon, who was excited to celebrate your bday (“oohh~ I can’t wait to eat the cake!” - Paimon), seems confused. Probably the culprit in planting worry in the travellers head as she jumps to conclusion that you might’ve been kidnapped.

Luckily, he checked your house before he could report it to the knights of Favonius or the Qixing (like any normal person should do really-). When he received no reply, he takes out the spare key you gave him and entered your house, an invasion of privacy he knows but it's an emergency-

Knowing that you’re in your room when he can’t find you downstairs, he knocks on your bedroom door softly while calling your name. Imagine his (and Paimon’s) relief when the door cracked open. Immediately engulfing you into a hug, he lets out a sigh of relief. He then proceeds to ask you what you were doing inside your room when it’s your birthday. His heart literally broke when you stated your reason. Tightening his hold around your figure, he smiles bitterly, knowing that feeling all too well..

“That’s not true. None of that stuff is true. Everyone deserves to feel special on their birthday, most especially you. We’ve brought some food, and cake of course. Also some gifts from other people. If you want, do you want to celebrate it with just the two, or rather three, of us?”

You, who was a literal angel in his eyes deserve the world. He honestly wants to find whoever put that idea in your head but that was reserved for another moment. For now, his main priority is your happiness. Guiding you downstairs where Paimon was (she left when aether hugged you, knowing you two needed privacy. also the cAKE-), he watches as your eyes sparkle at the sight of the cake.

Grinning softly he made sure you had fun with your birthday. Even though it would be more fun with more people, it feels more special if it’s celebrated with just the two of you. Staring you with pure adoration as you laughed merrily at the sight of Paimon stuffing herself with food. He couldn’t help himself but lean forward to place a kiss on your forehead and then on your lips, leaning back with a smile on his face.

“Happy birthday, my love. May many more to come. Maybe next time, we can invite other people. Though I don’t mind if we’ll celebrate it with just the two of us only-” And Paimon! Don’t forget about Paimon!” “Yes yes. And Paimon.”

Similar to Aether, he would most definitely remember your birthday. After all, it holds a special place in his heart, alongside his family. And since this boi is rich af, he would most definitely try to spoil you on your birthday. Piles of expensive (or just cheap yet meaningful) gifts, reservation to a high-class restaurant in Liyue Harbor, and all that glamour.

Actually, he didn’t find it odd that he didn’t see you immediately, thinking that you overslept or just relaxing in your house. But he soon finds it weird when it’s already around 3 in the afternoon and no sign of your face in the crowd, something he raised a brow at but shrugged it off. It isn’t until it’s almost the time of the reservation he made when he finally realized what’s going on.

When he arrived at your house, dressed in a suit similar to Zhongli except it’s entirely black and white, waiting for you to come out. After a couple of minutes, he soon got concerned and decided to enter your bedroom through the window (pls do not do this at home). Startled at the sudden appearance of your handsome yet cheeky boyfriend, he stares at you with eyes asking the questions he didn’t dare to tell.

Knowing he will get his answer one way or another, you decided to tell him about your dilemma. After you finished explaining yourself, silence surrounds you, which is quite worrisome since your boyfriend is known for his rather talkative behavior. Blinking in surprise at the sudden embrace of the 11th Harbinger, his hug was rather tight but not too tight that it cuts your oxygen. Speaking in a low, faint voice, a surprising feat for him, you can make out what he said as clear as day.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve noticed it sooner. I was trying to be a perfect boyfriend for you but I guess I failed in that aspect. You know, if you feel like you aren’t special enough to celebrate your birthday, then what about me? Me who stained his hands with the red blood of his enemies, always engaging in a fight, clashing with other blades. Insecurity is really an asshole huh? Let me make it up to you now. Let’s not anymore go to that stupid high-class restaurant, c’mon, up you go. You better dressed comfortably when I come back or else…”

Leaving you quickly before coming back immediately, this time in more comfortable clothing rather than the stiff suit he wore earlier. This time as well, he entered your house normally through the door. In his arms, he was holding a bunch of stuff and proceeded to dump it on the living room table. It was different kinds of movies in different genres, you spotted some of your favorite movies in them (makes you also wonder where he got these from since you don’t remember seeing these in the room he stays-).

He would suggest making a pillow fort, and while making the pillow fort, he proceeded to smack you with one. Which ensued a pillow fight between you two. It successfully made the both of you a laughing mess by the end, filled with feathers. Childe then carries you bridal style to the incomplete pillow fort and starts the movie you chose. Placing you in his lap and placing his head either on your shoulder or head depending on your height, cuddling you from behind tightly with a contented smile on his face.

“You know what? This might not be how I envisioned how your birthday would go, but I’m not complaining. Happy birthday, comrade. My most adorable and most cutest and only love. I love you so much that you’ll be the very reason why I die so suddenly. So stop being so cute okay?”

(You two are living together in this one.)

Diluc has the probability of forgetting your birthday due to his busy schedule, especially if it’s starting to rise when your birthday draws near. He might neglect you for a couple of days, too engrossed in his work. When the day finally arrives, it completely leaves his mind. Like he’ll think of it as a completely ordinary working day. It isn’t until one of your friends told him to send you their birthday greetings that he remembered. And oh boy does he feel guilty, like srsly, he literally froze when he realizes what day it is today. And you know what that means? ✨Panicc✨

Honestly, I can see him buying the whole store XD. In the state of panic, his common sense just leaves him completely that he ends us buying practically the whole store. It would be sent to the Dawn Winery immediately as he buys some flowers from Flora, who also sent you her birthday greetings, which made him more guilty-

When Diluc steps foot inside the manor, he tries to search for you outside the gardens where he usually finds you but when he doesn't, he gets worried. Asking the head maid immediately about your whereabouts, and his concern and worry (and guilt) grew even more when he finds out that you haven’t gone out of your room. He quickly went to your shared room, with the flowers still in his hands, and knocked on your door. Calling your name softly and asking for permission to enter, when granted he entered the room as quickly as possible. But seeing the sight of you bundled up in your blanket made his heart crack.

Placing the flowers at the bedside table, he quickly made his way in front of you and kneeled down to meet your eye level. You can tell he was very worried about you with how frantic his eyes seem and the concern underlying it. With the way he was staring at you, you can’t help but spill your insecurity to him. The reason why you were hiding in his room rather than go out to celebrate your day of birth. Every word you spill made his heart break even more. Seeing tears started to leak from your eyes, he placed his two hands on your face wiping away the tears with his thumbs. Smiling at you gently and placing a kiss on your eyelids and on your nose.

“I completely understand, my love. Even I sometimes feel that way. Also to the point where I don’t want to celebrate my birthday even, but that won’t do my love. You are so special, you deserve your special day to be well special. If you want to simply lay here and sleep, then so be it. If you want to go out and do something, then I’ll happily oblige. Let’s obliterate those awful thoughts, and if those keep persisting, I’ll slice them up for you. I’ll keep picking you up when you fall. So, what is your command, my love?” (i'm so tempted for him to say master-)

Whatever your answer may be, one thing for sure, Diluc is seen smiling adoringly at you. Even the maids noted how soft the master is around you, particularly today. Whether curled up together in the bed, with him embracing you tightly to his chest and placing a kiss on top of your head. And if you listen carefully, you can hear him quietly humming a tune that his father (or mother) sang to him. Or you two outside in the garden, simply admiring the view with his hand around your waist.

Either way, at the end of the day, he would wake you up or make you go inside for dinner. You haven’t eaten breakfast or lunch yet so you’re probably hungry by now. If you don’t want to leave your room or want to return to your room, he would understand and make the maids bring the food to you. When the maid(s) finally arrives with the food, you notice the cake on the tray. Looking at him as he chuckles, taking the trays from the maids. Humming a light tune, he scoops a spoonful of cake and holds it to your mouth, with a slight smirk on his face, eyes twinkling with mischief.

“Stop staring at me like that, did you really think I would let the day go by for you to not celebrate your birthday properly? From what I know, birthdays have cakes in them, whether a huge cake or a cupcake. Say ‘ahh’~... Happy birthday my love. May next year be more enjoyable than now.”

Kaeya remembers your birthday like the back of his hand, I think he’s even more excited than you really. Eagerly awaiting your birthday as he counts down the days, dropping hints and stuff to you birthday-related, and probably plans a birthday party for you. The knights immediately agreed on it, including a certain bard, traveler, and wine master (albeit more hesitantly). He made sure that this party would be successful, constantly checking on the plans and such. To the point that everyone was practically fed up with his constant questions. But they understand that he wants this to be a successful and enjoyable party for you. It got to the point where Diluc kicked him out of his Tavern after asking for the umpteenth time.

When your day finally arrives, he was practically beaming with joy and excitement. To the point where he can’t hide it behind the cool and suave facade he wears. He quickly made his way to you, going along with the plan of distracting you as they started to prepare for the party. In his total excitement, he didn’t notice the rather gloomy atmosphere around the house. But when he arrived at your door, that is when he noticed how quiet your house is.

Now albeit worried, his excited smile slipping from his face and now replaced with a worried frown, he knocked on your door, calling you in his usual teasing voice. When he didn’t hear your response, the bubble of anxiety appeared in his body. Twisting the knob and finding it unlocked, he quietly and carefully opened the door. Seeing your back immediately, seeing your side rise and fall making him sigh in relief that you were still alive. Closing the door gently but made a noise to alert you of his presence. Taking a seat behind you, he ran his cold fingers on your back, watching you arching at the sudden coldness of his fingers. Smiling slightly, he asked what’s wrong.

Turning around to face him, you buried your face on his chest, inhaling his strong masculine scent. Instinctively wrapping his arms around you, he played with your hair with one of his hands. Tapping on your head slightly, beckoning for you to answer his question. With no way out, you decided to come clean. You explain how you feel like you don’t feel like you deserve to be treated as special on your birthday and all that sort. His face was void of emotion as he stared at the ceiling with his unique pair of blue eyes. Outside he might seem emotionless. But inside, he was on the brink of insanity. Who dares to put such an idea on his s/o’s mind? Why would you think of that? Was this insecurity of yours also his fault?

“That must be the most stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. You’re not special? Please. Don’t try to make me laugh with that joke ‘cause it’s not funny. You are a jewel, a star, a constellation. As rare as the gems, or rather visions. You can even rival the very sun with your smile. I know those demons in your head keep saying those words to you, the temptation is so tempting, right? Just succumbing to them to make them quiet. But that’s why I’m here, my dearest snowflake. I’m here for you. You’re so special to everyone, most especially to me. You mean the world to me. Anyway, enough of this tear-jerking stuff, we have a party to celebrate. And we can’t celebrate it without the birthday gal/guy now can we?”

Despite your protests, he lifted you effortlessly and carried you outside and into the dawn winery where the party was held. Placing you on the ground and pushing you forward where people from Mondstadt came and greeted you with happy birthdays. Smiling at the sight of you being overwhelmed at the warm greetings, and then chuckling at how bright your face became. Diluc nudges him to you, beckoning him to help you before returning to what he was previously doing (most likely trying to force a bard to not finish all the wines in the vicinity).

After a while in the party, Kaeya brings you to a secluded place with no people for air. Being in a party filled with people could be suffocating at times, especially if you’re not used to it. He intertwined his hands with yours and bends down to meet your eye level (or leans down if you have the same height as him-). He gives you a cheeky smile and proceeds to place a peck on your lips. Chuckling when you pouted and glared at him, wanting more kisses.

“My my, what a greedy vixen~ But it is indeed your birthday so I guess I have no choice but to oblige to whatever my birthday vixen wants me to do. Would you like me to strip as well? Haha. Kidding kidding. Happy birthday, princess/prince. May many more to come. Oh! I forgot. I heard from a certain birdie that you ordered for a personal performance from me~ would you like to get it now?”

Since we all know that Venti practically doesn’t do anything like every day, I would safely say that he would remember your birthday. Probably save some mora to buy you a gift for your birthday, even though it’s not as fancy as the people in Liyue (they all rich kids-), it’s still meaningful. He probably made a bracelet all by himself with the beads he either bought or also made by himself. Nevertheless, he was as excited as Kaeya for your birthday. Already prepared songs to sing for you when that day comes.

Venti immediately searches for you when the day finally arrives, but his excited and bright smile vanishes when he can’t find you in the crowd of people. Raising a brow at your sudden disappearance, he searched for you everywhere, the tavern, the church, the headquarters, everywhere but your house. So when he finally arrives at your house, he was filled with worry and concern. Entering your room through the window like usual, he sees your figure sitting on the floor while reading a book.

He pouted at the sight as he made his presence known by asking you why you were here and reading a book on your birthday. He watches as you jump from where you are and turns to look at him, sighing at the sight of him. He slowly made his way to you and sat next to you, his legs sprawled across the floor. He takes note of the food around you, which was non-birthday festive, it was just ordinary food. Not understanding why you’re sulking in your room, he asked you what’s wrong.

Venti’s eyes widened at your explanation, feeling the sadness leaking at the words you said. They weave themselves around his heart, squeezing it, making him have a hard time breathing. He shares your pain. He was your soulmate after all. He immediately engulfed you in a hug, stuffing his face on the crook of your neck. You were so vulnerable in his eyes. You were so fragile. He desperately wants to protect you from the pain. But looks like he can’t protect you from your own demons.

“Even though I promised myself to not say or do anything that’ll make you sad, I just need to get it off my chest. I’m sorry you had to suffer through that, those demons that a simple bard that weaves stories into songs can’t erase. Alright, no more feeling sorry for yourself. It’s time to get out and spend the rest of the day enjoyable, perfect for my precious Cecilia.”

Without any warnings, he picked you up and jumped out of your window. Shrieking at the sudden fast pace, you instinctively wrapped your hands around him as he landed on the ground. Giving you a smug smile while saying “didn’t think i’d let you fall now?” Please slap him. Anyway, he laughed at your aggression and continued to run. Even if you ask where you’re going, he just says it's a secret. So might as well enjoy being in his arms as he continues to run (you swear you can feel the wind adding to his speed but that was just maybe your imagination-).

After a while, he placed you down and you realized where you are. It was Starsnatch Cliff, surrounding you were Cecilia flowers. Venti jumped on you, making you fall to the ground as he giggles. His hat flown back from the force of his sudden attack, he still has that stupid big smile on his face. Since his laughter is contagious, you couldn’t help but laugh alongside him. His eyes glistened with delight at the sight of your smile finally. Grabbing your hand and placing the bracelet he made, he pressed a kiss on your knuckle.

“This bracelet shall be a promise from me to you, a fellow bard to the fairest queen/king. I shall love you for eternity, this heart will only beat for you, and this body belongs to you. If you’re in dire need of assistance, don’t hesitate to call me. I’ll be there, forever and always. Happy birthday, my sweet flower.”

[x] Main Page || [x] Mondstadt Page || [x] Fatui Harbingers Page

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact headcanons #aether #aether x reader #childe #childe x reader #diluc #diluc x reader #kaeya #kaeya x reader #venti #venti x reader #aether headcanons #childe headcanons #diluc headcanons #kaeya headcanons #venti headcanons

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zodiacrant · 3 years

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💛Astro Notes💛

(All about Fixed signs)

(These may or may not apply to you, please keep an open mind and take it as entertainment rather than life changing facts. Please credit me if you’re going to use my work, or ask me beforehand.)

💛Fixed Sun and Rising are the most notable. You can definitely tell when some is a Taurus, Leo, Scorpio or an Aquarius Sun. In the rising it over powers the qualities of the Sun when it comes to how you come off.

💛Fixed Moons are double edged swords. On one hand they give the person endurance, patience and strong emotional capabilities. On the other hand, it incites overreacting and overthinking, running things over and over to the point of burning the mind out before physically achieving anything. This is why many fixed moons are labeled “lazy”.

💛Taurus and Leo represent the good things in life, food, money, clothes, art, fame, kids, the home, the superficial. Ruled by the Sun and Venus, respectively, they’re the rose to their opposites thorn. Whichever houses they reside in they bring security and confidence to but it can quickly get to their heads and turn into ego.

💛Scorpio and Aquarius on the other hand represents the other side of life. Fighting, cruelty, freedom, sex and death. Ruled by Uranus, Pluto and Mars, these signs speak of the grimmer side of life, some would argue its real life with no filter where we have to fight for our rights (Scorpio and Aquarius) in order to enjoy it (Taurus and Leo). Both signs bring resilience to whichever house and/or placement giving the person an edge in that part of life. Although, they’re hard to fool both signs are prone to destroy what they have built just so no one can do it first.

💛Fixed dominants are really stubborn and rigid when it comes to their ideals but they’re also facts based and would change their mind eventually.

💛This can be seen alot with Gen Z (Majority are Aquarius dominants) and Millennials (Strong effects of Scorpio Pluto) where they fight tooth and nail for something only to realize they were wrong the whole damn time.

💛Scorpio Venus is one hell of a mystery. They’re so timid in public but are very sexual in reality. They don’t see it but everything they watch is erotic or filled with sexual themes.

💛Houses that are in Fixed signs indicate deviance and possibly using sex and/or sexuality to get what you want.

💛I personally find Leos to be very attractive

💛Empty Fixed houses give a clear perspective on the house’s theme. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the person is fully confident in that part but it is easy for them to get over any obstacles or dilemmas.

💛The oppoiste is true, especially for Fixed house stelliums and those with Sun and/or Moon residing under one. Although, an indication of power, assurance, confidence, abundance and energy, it may not be easily obtained. Fixed houses can be like traps at times, they lure you in with all the money, fame, and pleasure you desire but the price you pay is your freedom and growth.

💛Even though they’re stated as “the biggest enemies with zero compatibility” in text book zodiac, but I know alot of Taurus and Aquarius married couples.

💛I am not sure the reason why but some of the biggest and most influential people throughout history were Fixed Suns. For better or worse

💛Aquarius Moons have the biggest contrast from one another. I never met one that was like another Aquarius Moon. This Moons works low key, hard to identify and explain, and even harder for the individual to analyze and digest.

💛Leo Suns talk about themselves alot more than other Leo placements. It’s not necessarily in the “all about me” tone but rather they always have to relate things back to them to let you know that they understand. Or they just love talking themselves and I got it wrong.

💛Taurus Venus is like if Taurus and Libra were a single Venusian sign. They have the class and beauty of Taurus and the youthful playfulness of Libra.

💛People with Fixed placements gravitate towards people with Fixed placements. I have yet to see otherwise.

💛Before you fight with a Fixed Mars remember that they fight for them to not lose, not for them to win. They will do everything so that you lose.

💛Scorpio Mercury is the ULTIMATE booksmart but damn are they really lost when it comes to people and the streets.

💛Fixed 10th house are more driven and career oriented than Cardinal signs. This is because they use success as way of proving themselves to the world, the hater, the doubters, their parents, that one person that looked at them weird. Simply put, they will be successful just to prove you wrong.

💛Taurus Moon is the earthy, easy going, chill Taurus that smokes weed and loves nature and colors like brown and green that people keep talking about. As a Taurus I can tell you that I am not one of those things nor have I ever liked them.

💛Fire dominant Scorpios are one of the most pretentious people I have ever met. They’re so fake deep and got it all “figured out”. Not a cute look babe.

💛All the people with Aquarius in the 8th that I have met just hate sex and talking about sexual things. It really weirds them out, which I get. Shit is weird if you think about it.

💛Aquarius Mercury can flay people’s skin with their tongue. They get creative with their insults to say the least.

💛Leo in the 11th is status obsessed. You can’t be their friend if you don’t “match” them.

💛Fixed Suns and dominants are super bougie. They love everything extra with a side of extravagance and add triple too much.

💛People with a Fixed Sun and Moon combination are victims of their big egos. They could really fall into delusions of grace and power having done absolutely nothing in real life

💛I have noticed that Leos don’t like it when someone has something in common with them. It’s as if whenever someone relates to them, they’re no longer “unique”, “different” or “special”

💛Fixed in 12th house experience crashing highs and lows. They never learn or attune to something unless they hit the rock hard cold bottom.

💛Leo Chiron is a hidden fame indicator. Many with this placement are child stars

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meirmakesstuff · 3 years

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1/2 Hi Meir! I saw your answer on WWC, and since you mentioned you're professionals, I figured I'd ask directly: I'm writing a second world fantasy with a jewish coded people. I want to be clear in the coding but avoid the "if there's no egypt, how can there be passover?" so I called them Canaanites. I thought I was being clever by hinting in the naming that the whole region does exist, but I've since read that it might've been a slur in fact? Do you have any advice on this?

2/2 I did consider calling the group in question Jewish, but aside from how deeply Judaism is connected to the history of the Israelites, I haven't used any present-day real-world names for any other group, (I did use some historic names like Nubia). I feel like calling only one group of people by their currently used name would be othering rather than inclusive? Or am I overthinking this?

Okay so I want to start out with some disclaimers, first that although WWC recently reblogged an addition of mine to one of their posts, I am not affiliated with @writingwithcolor, and second that the nature of trying to answer a question like this is “two Jews, three opinions,” so what I have to say about this is my own opinion(s) only. Last disclaimer: this is a hard question to address, so this answer is going to be long. Buckle up.

First, I would say that you’re right to not label the group in question “Jewish” (I’ll get to the exception eventually), and you’re also right in realizing that you should not call them “Canaanites.” In Jewish scripture, Canaanites are the people we fought against, not ourselves, so that wouldn’t feel like representation but like assigning our identity to someone else, which is a particular kind of historical violence Jews continue to experience today. I’ll get back to the specific question of naming in a moment, but because this is my blog and not WWC, and you asked me to speak to this as an educator, we’re going to take a detour into Jewish history and literary structure before we get back to the question you actually asked.

To my mind there are three main ways to have Jews in second-world fantasy and they are:

People who practice in ways similar to modern real-world Jews, despite having developed in a different universe,

People who practice in ways similar to ancient Hebrews, because the things that changed us to modern Jewish practice didn’t occur, and

People who practice in a way that shows how your world would influence the development of a people who started out practicing like ancient Hebrews and have developed according to the world they’re in.

The first one is what we see in @shiraglassman‘s Mangoverse series: there is no Egypt yet her characters hold a seder; the country coded Persian seems to bear no relation to their observance of Purim, and there is no indication of exile or diaspora in the fact that Jews exist in multiple countries and cultures, and speak multiple languages including Yiddish, a language that developed through a mixture of Hebrew and German. Her characters’ observance lines up approximately with contemporary Reform Jewish expectations, without the indication of there ever having been a different practice to branch off from. She ignores the entire question of how Jews in her universe became what they are, and her books are lyrical and sweet and allow us to imagine the confidence that could belong to a Jewish people who weren’t always afraid.

Shira is able to pull this off, frankly, because her books are not lore-heavy. I say this without disrespect--Shira often refers to them as “fluffy”--but because the deeper you get into the background of your world and its development, the trickier this is going to be to justify, unless you’re just going to just parallel every historical development in Jewish History, including exile and diaspora across the various nations of your world, including occasional near-equal treatment and frequent persecution, infused with a longing for a homeland lost, or a homeland recently re-established in the absolutely most disappointing of ways.

Without that loss of homeland or a Mangoverse-style handwaving, we have the second and third options. In the second option, you could show your Jewish-coded culture having never been exiled from its homeland, living divided into tribes each with their own territory, still practicing animal, grain, and oil sacrifice at a single central Temple at the center of their nation, overseen by a tribe that lacks territory of their own and being supported by the sacrifices offered by the populace.

If you’re going to do that, research it very carefully. A lot of information about this period is drawn from scriptural and post-scriptural sources or from archaeological record, but there’s also a lot of Christian nonsense out there assigning weird meanings and motivations to it, because the Christian Bible takes place during this period and they chose to cast our practices from this time as evil and corrupt in order to magnify the goodness of their main character. In any portrayal of a Jewish-coded people it’s important to avoid making them corrupt, greedy, bigoted, bloodthirsty, or stubbornly unwilling to see some kind of greater or kinder truth about the world, but especially if you go with this version.

The last option, my favorite but possibly the hardest to do, is to imagine how the people in the second option would develop given the influences of the world they’re in. Do you know why Chanukah is referred to as a “minor” holiday? The major holidays are the ones for which the Torah specifies that we “do not work:” Rosh Hashannah, Yom Kippur, and the pilgrimage holidays of Sukkot, Passover, and Shavuot. Chanukah developed as a holiday because the central temple, the one we made those pilgrimages to, was desecrated by the invading Assyrian Greeks and we drove them out and were able to re-establish the temple. That time. Eventually, the Temple was razed and we were scattered across the Roman Empire, developing the distinct Jewish cultures we see today. The Greeks and Romans aren’t a semi-mythologized ancient people, the way the Canaanites have been (though there’s increasing amounts of archaeology shedding light on what they actually might have been like), we have historical records about them, from them. The majority of modern Jewish practice developed from the ruins of our ancient practices later than the first century CE. In the timeline of Jewish identity, that’s modern.

The rabbinic period and the Temple period overlap somewhat, but we’re not getting into a full-scale history lesson here. Suffice it to say that it was following the loss of the sacrificial system at the central Temple that Judaism coalesced an identity around verbal prayer services offered at the times of day when we would previously have offered sacrifices, led each community by its own learned individual who became known as a rabbi. We continued to develop in relationship with the rest of the world, making steps toward gender equality in the 1970s and LGBT equality in the 2000s, shifting the meaning of holidays like Tu Bishvat to address climate change, debating rulings on whether one may drive a car on Shabbat for the sake of being with one’s community, and then pivoting to holding prayer services daily via Zoom.

The history of the Jews is the history of the world. Our iconic Kol Nidrei prayer, the centerpiece of the holiest day of the year, that reduces us to tears every year at its first words, was composed in response to the Spanish Inquisition. The two commentators who inform our understanding of scripture--the ones we couldn’t discuss Torah without referencing even if we tried--wrote in the 11th and 12th centuries in France and Spain/Egypt. Jewish theology and practice schismed into Orthodox and Reform (and later many others) because that’s the kind of discussion people were into in the 19th century. Sephardim light Chanukah candles in an outdoor lamp while Ashkenazim light Chanukah candles in an indoor candelabrum because Sephardim developed their traditions in the Middle East and North Africa and the Ashkenazim developed our traditions in freezing Europe. There are works currently becoming codified into liturgy whose writers died in 2000 and 2011.

So what are the historical events that would change how your Jewish-coded culture practices, if they don’t involve loss of homeland and cultural unity? What major events have affected your world? If there was an exile that precipitated an abandonment of the sacrificial system, was there a return to their land, or are they still scattered? Priority one for us historically has been maintaining our identity and priority two maintaining our practices, so what have they had to shift or create in order to keep being a distinct group? Is there a major worldwide event in your world? If so, how did this people cope?

If you do go this route, be careful not to fall into tropes of modern or historical antisemitism: don’t have your culture adopt a worldview that has their deity split into mlutiple identities (especially not three). Don’t have an oppressive government that doesn’t represent its people rise up to oppress outsiders within its borders (this is not the first time this has occurred in reality, but because the outside world reacts differently to this political phenomenon when it’s us than when it’s anyone else, it’s a portrayal that makes real-life Jews more vulnerable). And don’t portray the people as having developed into a dark and mysterious cult of ugly, law-citing men and beautiful tearstreaked women, but it doesn’t sound as if you were planning to go there.

So with all that said, it’s time to get back to the question of names. All the above information builds to this: how you name this culture depends on how you’ve handled their practice and identity.

Part of why Shira Glassman’s handwaving of the question of how modern Jewish practice ended up in Perach works is that she never gives a name to the religion of her characters. Instead, she names the regions they come from. Perach, in particular, the country where most of the action takes place, translates to “Flower.” In this case, her Jewish-coded characters who come from Perach are Perachis, and characters from other places who are also Jewish are described as “they worship as Perachis do despite their different language” or something along those lines (forgive me, Shira, for half-remembering).

So that’s method one: find an attribute of your country that you’d like to highlight, translate it into actual Hebrew, and use that as your name.

Method two is the opposite: find a name that’s been used to identify our people or places (we’ve had a bunch), find out what it means or might mean in English, and then jiggle that around until it sounds right for your setting. You could end up with the nation of the Godfighters, or Children of Praise, The Wanderers (if they’re not localized in a homeland), The Passed-Over, Those From Across The River, or perhaps the people of the City of Peace.

Last, and possibly easiest, pick a physical attribute of their territory and just call them that in English. Are they from a mountainous region? Now they’re the Mountain People. Does their land have a big magical crater in the middle? Craterfolk. Ethereal floating forests of twinkling lights? It’s your world.

The second option is the only one that uses the name to overtly establish Jewish coding. The first option is something Jews might pick up on, especially if they speak Hebrew, but non-Jews would miss. The third avoids the question and puts the weight of conveying that you’re trying to code them as Jewish on their habits and actions.

There’s one other option that can work in certain types of second-world fantasy, and that’s a world that has developed from real-world individuals who went through some kind of portal. That seems to me the only situation in which using a real-world name like Jews, Hebrews, or Israelites would make sense. Jim Butcher does this with the Romans in the Codex Alera series, and Katharine Kerr does it with Celts in the Deverry cycle. That kind of thing has to be baked into the world-building, though, so it probably doesn’t help with this particular situation.

This is a roundabout route to what I imagine you were hoping would be an easier answer. The tension you identified about how to incorporate Jewishness into a world that doesn’t have the same history is real, and was the topic of a discussion I recently held with a high school age group around issues of Jewish representation in the media they consume and hope to create. Good luck in your work of adding to the discussion.

#Ask #kermab #Meir Makes Stuff #Writing #jewish representation #Fantasy Writing #fantasy fiction #Mangoverse #Meir Makes Long Posts

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vladdocs · 3 years

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Dracula's Life from 7 to 14 - Part 1 By Lyzhina Svetlana Sergeevna (Лыжина Светлана Сергеевна) Original in Russian: http://samlib.ru/l/lyzhina_s_s/dracula_7_14_1.shtml Annotation: Dracula's life from age 7 to 14 is the darkest period in his biography. Most authors do not even try to look into this darkness, but jump straight from childhood in Transylvania to the Turkish captivity, mentioning growing up as far as it goes. I will not, however, do so... The period from age 7 to 14 is important primarily because this is when Dracula began to realize himself as a Romanian. Before the age of 7, the world is pretty narrow for a person: mom, dad, grandparents and other relatives. Before the age of 7, a child does not really care about his own nationality, because he does not yet fully understand what it is. But after the age of 7, the horizons widen, and such notions as "small motherland" and "big motherland" appear. Dracula saw his Romanian homeland for the first time when he was about 7 years old, and, apparently, this first meeting made a strong impression on him. First time in his homeland In the summer of 1436, Dracula's father took over the Romanian throne and moved his family from Sighisoara to Tirgoviste, the Romanian capital of that time, no later than the fall of the same year. As a result, the life of the 7-year-old Dracula changed abruptly: 1) he now heard Romanian speech not only from his household, but also from everyone around him. 2) Home services were replaced by visits to the temple, rich and beautiful, and the services there were conducted to the highest standard, as a well staged theatrical performance. 3) The attitude of those around him changed. Everybody bowed to little Dracula like to the king's son, and even his peers, 7-year old boys like him, were obliged to bow. 4) the way of life changed - many new servants appeared, and the dwelling became much more spacious. _ _ _ _ Historical note: The house in Sighisoara was relatively small - 25x11 m in length and width, if we do not count the inner courtyard and the side passageway. At the same time the palace in Targoviste in the mid 1430s was 32x29 meters in length and width. It is not difficult to calculate that in terms of area it was almost twice as big as the house in Sigishoara. And that again without taking into account the adjoining territory enclosed by a fortress wall of 250x20 m. On this territory there was a temple built specially for the prince and his courtiers, as well as household premises. In addition there were extensive gardens and vegetable gardens, as well as ponds for trout breeding. They were necessary because the palace regularly hosted feasts at which enormous quantities of all kinds of food were eaten. _ _ _ _ We cannot say whether Dracula accepted his new life with delight or was embarrassed, but the boy saw the mood of his parents, who were clearly happy about what was happening. This should have led the child to believe that he, too, should be happy. Intensified Learning The only thing that definitely did not make little Dracula happy was his studies, because after he moved to Targoviste, his education was taken seriously. In textbooks on the history of pedagogy, you can read that all countries that have adopted the culture of the Byzantine Empire, along with Orthodoxy, adopted the system of teaching children. Romania is no exception in this sense. As in all other Orthodox countries, teaching followed the principles formulated by John Chrysostom: 1) simplicity of life, without excesses (so that the child would not fall into a dependence on comfort); 2) education with an emphasis on spiritual values (and contempt for material things); 3) strict control (parents watch where the child goes, what he/she does, what he/she says) 4) possibility of corporal punishment in case of disobedience (Chrysostom suggests "flogging"). Education had three levels: primary, secondary, and higher. They began to study (I repeat) at the age of 6-7 years old. Primary education was completed before the age of 12. Secondary education was

completed at the age of 17. It turns out that Dracula never received a higher education, because he was sent to the Turks at the age of about 14. No one in Turkey followed the Byzantine system of education. Dracula's higher education was replaced by lessons in the Turkish language and Turkish customs... But back to Dracula's elementary education. Elementary School Elementary education included four subjects: - arithmetic (counting on fingers, on pebbles, and in mind), - grammar (in this case Slavonic), - rhetoric, - philosophy (philosophy in the Middle Ages was perceived as the first step toward the study of "higher philosophy" - theology). The process of teaching itself was a little different from today - the children sat together, but each student was taught separately by the teacher. The grammar was taught on the basis of the texts of the Holy Scriptures and the lives of the saints. Rhetoric was modeled on the works of the same John Chrysostom. In the beginning, during the lessons of rhetoric children were supposed to retell the contents of texts and tell them by heart, and when children accumulated enough knowledge, the teacher arranged eloquence contests between pupils, where they were supposed to support their words with appropriate quotations. It is difficult to say whether Dracula competed with his elder brother, because the practice of competitions existed only in Byzantium, but, for example, in Russia such competitions did not exist. In addition, all forms of rivalry between Dracula and his older brother should have been opposed by the tutors, because in the family of Dracula on the paternal line practiced a special system of state management - the king had a co-helper in the person of the younger brother. About this writes researcher M.Kazaku. Dracula's grandfather Mircea the Old was at one time co-ruler of his elder brother Dan, and when his brother died, Mircea ruled alone. Dracula's father, Dracul Sr. was at one time co-ruler of his older brother Mihai, and when Mihai died, Dracul Sr. ruled alone. Dracula himself must also have been indoctrinated from a young age to be his brother's helper. An assistant, not a rival! All training and education of Dracula should be subordinated to this idea - Dracula should be prepared to help his brother and carry out all his orders, and in case of his brother's death he should continue his work. That is to say, he should continue it, and not do anything on his own! Dracula could think of no other fate, for he had before him the example of his father and grandfather, and in the Middle Ages the power of tradition was unusually strong. Apparently, when Dracula was sent as a hostage to the Sultan, he was encouraged by the same words about the need to help the elders: "Living with the Sultan, you will help your father and older brother a lot. And Dracula must have believed it, but later, when his father and older brother died suddenly, Dracula could not immediately get his bearings. He found himself in a role as an older man for which he was not at all prepared. He had no time to be instructed what to do and how to do it, so he had to decide everything on his own, to break his usual worldview and generally learn to be a leader... But here we are, once again, off-topic. Middle School According to the Byzantine system, the secondary level of education included the study of three new subjects: geometry, music, astronomy. Geometry, Dracula and his brother, of course, studied. In addition, it is known that as early as the 11th or 12th century, a collection of quotations from Aristotle about mathematics appeared in Slavic. These quotations together formed a coherent system, so that children in Slavic countries studied from this collection as from a textbook. Music in those days meant learning church singing, but it is unlikely that Dracula and his brother had time for that, because the Byzantine educational system in the Middle Ages did NOT include physical training, and sovereign's children needed this training. The physical training in the case of Dracula and his

brother was military training, where the pupil had to master 3 skills: 1) the ability to fight on foot; 2) the ability to fight on horseback; 3) the ability to command an army so as to lead it to victory. Perhaps the list of disciplines Dracula had to study after the age of 12 also included history and politics. Perhaps, the list also included Latin, but here we can not say anything for sure, because according to the Byzantine system of education all this (Latin, history, politics) belonged to the higher level of education, which, as we know, due to a number of tragic circumstances Dracula did not reach. Practical results of "Byzantine" education In a number of articles about Dracula one can read that he was supposedly a savage and ignorant - a kind of Neanderthal, but not with a club, but with a stake, who got an idea of culture only thanks to the years spent in "enlightened" Turkey. However, all this is nonsense! Dracula was educated before Turkey, and everything I've said here about the Byzantine system of education used in Romania for the education of the sovereign's children - not just a guesswork. All of this is confirmed in historical documents. From the texts that have survived from the time of Dracula, we can see that the Romanian rulers were literate people, read spiritual literature and were able to speak beautifully. For example, the beginning of the charter from May 20, 1388, which was dictated by the grandfather of Dracula, Mircea the Old. This charter is a gift to the monastery, but before going on to enumerate what will be given to the monastery, the prince reasons about God as well as a theologian: "Whom the Spirit of God guides, they are the sons of God, says the holy apostle, and to him echoes every one who values truth and does good works, desiring to receive eternal life - to leave earthly things on earth for the reward in heaven. Blessed are those who have heard the good voice, for they hear it always: "Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. In the same way, I, believing in Christ God and Christ-loving and autocratic voivode and lord of all the land of Ugrovlakh, <...> as much as I can, want to follow this voice and glorify God, who glorified me and in glory enthroned me on the throne of my parents". That's how he bent it! Here are the results of the rhetoric lessons, which were part of the first level of education according to the Byzantine system! No wonder that everyone liked these words of Mircea. It is no coincidence that in his letter of December 12, 1424, uncle of Dracula, Prince Dan II, reproduces them, and then another relative of Dracula, Prince Alexander Aldea, does the same in his letter of June 25, 1436. Dracula himself quotes this statement in his charter of April 16, 1457. And here is how Dracula's father weaves verbal lace in his letter of August 2, 1439: "And who dares <... > violate my approval and command, such let the Lord God strike with his terrible and just judgment, and let the Holy Lady of the Theotokos speak against this man, and let him be damned on behalf of the seven holy ecumenical councils, and let him be counted among those who, like Judas and Arius, denied the Lord, and all those who betrayed the Lord to death". Of course, many edicts in those days ended with a standard curse on possible violators, but Dracula's father added to this curse, which most modern readers can appreciate only after they look in an encyclopedia. Can you tell at a glance what "ecumenical councils" and "Arian heresy" are? But Dracula's father could! And, apparently, he knew church history. That is, he was highly educated. As for Dracula himself, we can judge the level of his education by his statements, which, of course, distorted by numerous retellings, but the essence remains. For example, the episode with the Turkish ambassadors who did not remove their headdresses under the pretext that the "law" forbade. "And I want to follow your law," says Dracula, "so that you may hold fast to it. In doing so, he almost quotes

the Gospel, which says, "I have not come to break the law, but to fulfill it." And think of the burned beggars: "...I delivered them, so that they would not suffer in this world from poverty or from disease. The very course of Dracula's reasoning leads us to believe that this ruler in his time studied both the Holy Scriptures and rhetoric. Travels around the country In addition to "book sciences" and "warfare" in Dracula's education was one more component, and a very important one - study tours around the country, i.e. in Romania. However, Dracula had to perceive these trips in a different way than his older brother, because the older brother was prepared for the role of a ruler, and Dracula - for the role of an assistant to the ruler. Dracula's older brother perceived cities, villages, fields and forests as his future property. Dracula, seeing all the same, perceived it as his brother's property to be protected. If Dracula's older brother thought, "All this exists for me - for my needs and my pleasure," then Dracula thought, "I must take care of the preservation of it all. This is why in Dracula's behavior when he reached adulthood we find a motive not at all characteristic of the rulers of that time - the motive of service to one's country. Dracula was not brought up as a ruler, so even when he became a ruler, he did not get rid of the attitude that was hammered into his head throughout his childhood and adolescence - you were born to serve and help. He did all those things he did - eradicating crime, winning favourable trade conditions for Romanian merchants, waging war against the Turks - not for himself and not even for specific people. He did it all for Romania, which he called his "patrimony," not in the sense of his ownership of the land, but in the sense of his concern for it. This is how Dracula's notion of homeland was formed, which was Romania, although his early childhood took place in Transylvania.

#vlad iii #vlad tepes #vlad dracula tepes #vlad the impaler #the life of vlad the impaler early ages #history

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pixiedoodlein · 3 years

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I’m so fucking mad that a year and a half into this pandemic I am back to 11th hour debating another year of homeschool. The first stretch of homeschool, in NYC, when the toddler was a baby, and husband was home on unemployment, was good, nice even, a quiet piece of something good when the world outside was falling apart. The next stretch, the Oklahoma stretch, with a particularly climby toddler, husband working 10 hour days, me doing remote contract work, somewhere we had no family around to help w/ childcare, was challenging. I was not always my best self. Some days were delightful, muffins and math games. Other days I was more Miss Trunchbull than Miss Honey, fractions were squeezed in between crying (usually mine) and netflix (way too much of hers), and I held on to any shred of sanity by telling myself “just a little longer, just until the vaccines.”

Well here we are. Husband & I have been vaccinated for months, but the kids aren’t yet. The upstate NY town we moved to is a very small town (pop: 838), was mostly untouched by previous waves. When we got here, I couldn’t understand why everyone was so lax about it- no masks, no panic. Our first day here, when I came home from the market and saw through the window a gaggle of unmasked kids in my living room (the neighbors coming to welcome us, they heard a kid moved in) I almost had a heart attack. In fact, I was so tired from the drive from OKC that for a moment I actually thought I was at the wrong house, that I was hallucinating, because how in the world could there be unmasked bodies in my living room.

Then I started talking to people here. And I realized that the way I thought they were insane for not being deathly afraid of covid, they thought I was insane for being petrified. Because the disease hadn’t hit here; their businesses were destroyed and their kids were out of school (in a rural area with barely functional internet, remote school = a lost year) and their lives were totally fucked up, for a disease that never arrived at their doorstep. I came to understand why they weren’t worried, why here life looked (almost) normal. I told them about what it was like to live somewhere covid tore through, the freezer trucks of bodies on the FDR Drive and my previously healthy 27yld brother so sick with it the first spring he thought he was about to die (but too scared to go to a hospital), my dad’s relative in the next NYC wave on a vent for months and lucky to be alive but may never walk again, the doctors in OKC pleading on the news to please wear a fucking mask because the hospitals were fucking full, and the neighbors stopped thinking I was psycho when I carried extra masks for their kids, and made them put them on, when I took them to town for ice cream. I never stopped masking. But we did indoor dine here (once, BBQ, it wasn’t delicious enough for how anxious I felt) and I did bring all the kids, including my toddler, to a fairly crowded children’s museum in the big (small) city an hour away, where the rest of us were masked but the one with his hands in his mouth, who was all up in other kids’ faces, the one who really should be masked, wasn’t because he won’t leave it on for more than a minute.

Actually it’s a lie to say that I never stopped masking- I have dashed into little stores here, without one, because I’m vaxed! It’s safe here! Covid felt done. We had friends come here to visit this summer. Friends who are vaxed, but that doesn’t seem to really matter enough anymore. We had the neighbors over for meals, indoors (you see, more indoor dining! A minute ago I was just thinking restaurants, but why would plagues only spread in restaurants?). They had us for meals. The girls are a crew, new best friends, making my daughter’s life here so, so much happier, constant sleepovers (their kids were at our house this afternoon; my kid is at their house right now). The parents and grandparents are wonderful, making my life here, and husband’s life here, so much easier, so much better. We help them with stuff, they help us with stuff, there isn’t a day that goes by that we don’t see each other, unmasked. Some of the adults in their household are vaxed; some of the adults in their household are not. The kids are all too young to be vaxed. But it (living, doing shit again, seeing people again) really stopped feeling scary; it really felt like everything was fine, normal-ish, normal-er. The end of the pandemic felt in sight.

I signed my child up for school here. Real school, not mommy school, school with a school bus. She was a little anxious, I had to talk her into it, I sold it hard, I bought her whatever pair of new sneakers she wanted for her new school (she hasn’t had gym class in a year and a half; for a phase in Oklahoma she wore one boot and one sandal every day, why not). She wasn’t anxious about sneakers or covid; she was anxious that maybe she hadn’t learned enough in homeschool (I am not a teacher! I did not homeschool because I am good at it or love it or wanted to, I homeschooled because I was scared of her getting covid at school and dying), that she would be behind. She isn’t behind. I followed the real school curriculum as best I could (as in: sometimes totally and sometimes not at all), and somehow, when I gave her the standardized “real school” test “at the end of the year” (aka the day I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to focus on my work or I wasn’t going to have an income, the day I’d decided we’d done as much as we could and it was time to be done), she sailed through it, this kid is smart. Smart as in needs to be in actual real fucking school to stay smart and learn and reach her potential.

She got excited- one of the neighbor kids is in her grade. The other kid is older- but the school is small, she’d see her tons. She was excited; I was excited. I registered her for school. Her new teacher sent a nice note. We all were excited. She’s never taken the school bus before but the neighbors take it and she’d be fine on the bus with her besties, the bus would pick her up in front of their house since there’s nowhere to turn around up our hill (we are VERY rural), they’d all get on and off the bus together. She has been backpack shopping. We have been discussing what she’ll have for breakfast (honey nut Cheerios), what she wants me to pack for lunch (she says just Goldfish, I say turkey sandwich, we’re working on it).

But now, 18 days before school starts here, I am thisclose to pulling her out, to embarking on another lovely (not), gratifying (not) year of homeschool, because of covid, delta. When we got to our new home in our new tiny town in June, there was no covid here. Now, our county is listed by the CDC as a high transmission area (is there anywhere in the US that isn’t?). 80% of senior citizens here are vaxed; 50% of the total population is, well below the national average. 15 cases per 100,000, in a county of 100,000. I guess this is less rampant than our previous pandemic locales, NYC (currently 25/100K), OKC (49/100K). This is splitting hairs, everywhere is bad. This is what panic does to me: are we better or worse for every decision we’ve made in the past year and a half, every decision that got us here? There are fewer cases here but fewer people and fewer vaccinated people and fewer ICU beds. We aren’t safe even here, but at least we are happy (happy aside from fear of delta death).

I don’t know whether to send my kid to school in 18 days. There will be masks but masks aren’t enough (how many masks do I make her wear? two, ten, a thousand?). This choice feels crazy— in March 2020, when that covid was mostly sparing kids, I yanked her out of school. Now, this covid does hurt kids. How much longer, how many more years, can parents be in this position to make this nightmare choice? What will hurt her more: school or no school? There are vaccines, more than enough in America. We shouldn’t be having to make this choice.

As it is, because of toddler— not because of toddler, because of being a parent to children in a pandemic— my work life, and husband’s, will be severely impacted this year, again. I can’t send him to daycare because he’s too little to leave a mask on (he won’t even leave his pants on!) in a room full of other unmasked toddlers, whose families may or may not be vaxd, may or may not wear masks (there has been a noticeable increase in supermarket mask wearing since we got here, but still not enough, is any of it enough?), may or may not be going to parties and weddings and funerals, daycare providers who may or may not be doing all the same. This means I can only apply to remote jobs, so I can be home with him. Husband has some flexibility, more than he did in OKC, but god forbid he has to work while I have a work call or meeting or work due I didn’t manage to get done at 4am or 11pm when the house is quiet. He can’t bring toddler to work with him, his work is up on scaffold, stenciling ceilings. This will be another year of me muting myself on Zooms while toddler pulls his diaper off and hurls poop at the cat. Would it really be so much harder to also be trying to teach parts of speech to our daughter at the same time? Yes, it would, but I don’t know if I can send my kids back out into the world until they’re vaccinated. I am counting the days, holding my breath, until they can be.

I used to believe in personal choice. I don’t anymore. I want this shit to be mandated, I want the government to line us up and force mRNA into holdouts’ arms, I want it to be required, to be able to function in and interact with and benefit from society in any way, shape, or form. I have been very lucky in the pandemic. Privilege stacked on privilege on privilege, to be fussing over my Zooms in my hamlet. I had been pretty pandemic perky, baking my pies and playing with my pandemic pets and (thinking about) doing puzzles, but I’ve reached my breaking point. This shit could be done, but it’s not, and I’m scared it never will be.

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mutable-star-child · 3 years

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Astro notes from my personal birth chart ♊️ 🌞 ♋️ 🌝 Gemini asc ♊️

🌻 Having personal planets spread out in 5 different signs can make for a bit of an identity crisis hahah I have sooo many different interests and people find me to be one confusing ass person , it’s taken me years to find this as a blessing in disguise as I can relate to these 5 signs and with a wide variety of people quite easily.

🌻My Mars in Pisces ♓️ in the 11th house does in fact make me stick up for the underdog , i am not attracted to feet at all , and when I am in a sexual relationship I prefer to be friends with my lover. The detachedness from the 11th house with the watery energy in my Mars is a fucking contridiction . I find myself needing emotional intimacy with a partner but then when I’m in the act I can be in another world , I usually get pulled back with kissing 😽

🌻my Venus in Aries ♈️ in the 12th house is another paradox. I’m definitely more toned down than other Venus in Aries placements. I love the chase , but then one day you may get a shy side of me . It’s this hot and cold kind of energy which probably confuses the shit out of people , but at the end of the day I go by how I feel . Once in a committed relationship I’m IN IT , I have zero desire for anyone else . I think of this placement and energy as in this lifetime I’m to learn SELF LOVE ❤️ Aries Venus are astrologically sometimes perceived as selfish and the 12th house Venus needs to learn to give themselves the love they’re constantly over giving to others .

🌻 My mercury in Taurus ♉️ in the 12th house is my chart ruler and the ruler of my sun . For a Gemini I find myself to be quite reserved and I give credit to this baby , I know when to keep my mouth shut . Upon meeting new people or starting a new job , I sit back , and I watch , and I feel things out. It takes me a little bit to read the energies of the people around me to really open up and be my goofy self. I like to read things slowly and methodically, it takes time but once it’s learned , it’s in there for good. I get compliments on my voice allll the time and man do I love expensive journals and pens hahah nothing but the best.

🌻 Gemini ♊️ sun , conjunct the ascendant from the 12th house . When I was younger , I was extremely shy and didn’t know why people would look at me or stare at me and it made me feel self conscious as fuck . Ta da ! I feel this placement makes me confusing because well ... Gemini are the twins 👯‍♀️👯‍♀️and it’s conjunct my Gemini ascendant. I feel like a Gemini , then I also feel like a Leo rising and have a lot of Leo rising traits , but my sun feels like a Pisces some days too and I have the traits of a 12th house sun , buttt on other days I feel like a first house sun and carry a lot of 1st house sun traits 🤷🏻‍♀️

🌻 My biological father is a Pisces sun (12th house) and my mother is a 1st house sun , I therefore carry both of their energies in this 1 placement .

🌻 my step dad is a Pisces Venus and my mother is a 1st house Venus , I’m a Aries Venus in the 12th house I carry both of their energies in this placement as well.

🌻Gemini sun with a cancer moon makes for one very emotional Gemini lol , it’s funny tho because when I was younger I didn’t know people thought that I was cold and detached , but deep down my ass felt everything . It took me awhile to learn to work with these two energies.

🌻Gemini rising with an Aquarius mid heaven , people think I’m cool and aloof if they don’t know me , but once they talk to me they’re always so surprised at how “bubbly” I am .

🌻 Cancer moon conjunct Jupiter in Cancer . When I’m happy it expands out to everyone and everything ... but just how everything in this life is dualistic , if my moon square Mars ( Pisces / repressed anger) gets triggered ... watch the fuck out . When I was younger I wouldn’t even know I was mad until one day I would just explode and that’s how it felt , like an explosion of angry emotions that wouldn’t stop until everything was out . I’ve been working my ass off with working with my emotions. Just because you have certain placements or energies or aspects doesn’t mean you can’t learn to deal with them in a healthy manner.

🌻I’ve noticed that I have a lot of air moon friends , I find that I learn from them and question how they deal with their emotions , I find them fascinating that they can detach and analyze them or mind map them . I teach them how to feel the emotion and they teach me how to not get so damn lost in my emotions .

🌻 Moon in the 2nd house ; classic eats to emotionally feel better , another thing I’ve been working on . Instead of going for chocolate let’s dig around and see why we feel like this and not try to bandaid it .

🌻Jupiter conjunct Chiron , I’m half Caucasian and half aboriginal . I didn’t get to grow up with my aboriginal side of the family and on my Caucasian side I’m the only one who’s of a different ethnicity . I felt between worlds in a way growing up , I never knew where I fit in and never felt like I could fit in anywhere . It was this walking in the middle feeling .

🌻Pluto in Scorpio conjunct Black Moon Lilith in the 6th house . I remember being a kid and like some parents hating me .. for no reason . I also remember adults sexualizing me before I even knew what it was or was having sex . This aspect opposite my mercury in Taurus in the 12th house makes me extremely into psychology and esoteric studies . I find dating to be difficult at times because I can read douche bags like an open book . Hahah Lilith and Pluto in the 6th Opposite my mercury I find myself in a lot of sexual innuendos 🙄 . People sexualize me at everyday boring things , work , running errands , the *gym . When I was young and didn’t know how to deal with my emotional state this combo was deadly , depression, anxiety , suicidal thoughts . The Plutonian energies were so intense .

🌻 Uranus retrograde in the 8th house . Ummm yeah I know I’m weird , but have no fucking clue why lol 😂. This placement makes you painfully aware of being differen, on a plus it also makes you your own therapist. I went from drug party girl running away from her traumas to power engineer , owning her own house and doesn’t smoke , drink , or do drugs . Another psychology lovers placement and astrology lover 🥰. Also weird shit happens around me . Lights go on or off , things move . Alarm systems at work don’t go off when I enter the building. I also have Neptune retrograde on my 8/9th house cusp when have seen spirits and heard them . I would be lying if I said I didn’t love weird shit .

🌻Uranus in the 8th , I have been around death since I was about 8 years old having attended my first funeral service . I have had traumatic experiences with the passing of people close to me and I have known so many people who have passed away . I’m 30 and have had about 10 people I’ve known pass away . It’s something that I’ve always known . It’s a hard part about life but each time I go through a deep soul transformation where I question life and death and transcend something .

🌻Uranus in the 8th .. did someone say bdsm ?

🌻Neptune in the 8th , blurring of boundaries when i was younger. Like I legit didn’t even know what fucking boundaries were . Again something I’ve worked on and I’m happy to say , my boundaries are firm as fuckk .

🌻mercury (12th) trine Neptune and Uranus(8th) . Umm yes I do receive messages from spirit . It comes so naturally to me that I forget others don’t share this gift or have to work hard . I can go into a deep meditation easily and hypnotherapy . I also have vivid dreams and lucid dream . I am working on my dreams and astral projection.

🌻Saturn retrograde , yup bio daddy was not around and I am now reparenting myself as an adult 😁.

🌻Saturn in the 9th conjunct the Mc , I take this placement as the other reason why people think I’m cold before knowing me haha . I’ve wanted to travel for soo long , wanting to back pack and just go and be free but have not managed to yet , I always feel like I have something to do here or something comes up , I’ve just let go now and realize I’ll travel when the time is right and Saturn permits it hahah.

🌻 Saturn in the 9th , when I was younger religion made me feel uncomfortable af , I remember going to church and wondering why god was a man and why there wasn’t a girl god , and I also couldn’t understand why he was white ... it made no sense to me . Then where was my native god ? Why wouldn’t he just make everyone the same then ? Jupiter conjunct Chiron in the 3rd 😁 as I got older and traumatic death experiences happened , I then became a full blown atheist and pushed away the spirits I had seen from my mind and went on to party 🤘🏼👍🏼 ... until I had a transcendental spiritual awakening in 2017 . Which now I believe in consciousness and energy. Ahhh life

🌻 Aquarius north node conjunct asteroid Lilith conjunct the MC , people have scapegoated my ass since I had became a teenager haha. I had a very big issue with authority figures when I was younger whether it was with teachers , my parents , bosses, cops , you name it . I would rebel just to rebel . I’ve toned my shit down and have accepted that I’m quirky and different and a bit of a loner , I love it that way to be honest . I find that older men loveee me or hate me . Or both . Hahah I’m a very independent woman and do NOT like to rely on men for anything in my relationships. This placement makes me fucking determined to achieve my goals . It’s also the big fuck you placement to anyone that’s ever wronged me or told me I couldn’t do something . It gives me fuel and a will that I’m going to die trying before I ever fail . People laughed at me when I told them i was wanting to become a power engineer and well when I thought I was going to fail I just brought up their snickers comments and here I am today a power engineer 😈😉

🌻Lilith conjunct the MC , ahhh yes , I’m known for my looks and physique but jackpot to the rare ones that compliment my brains 🧠 🤓

🌻Lilith conjunct the MC, women feel threatened by just looking at me , which means I work really hard to bring a calming warm energy , I’m not fake but I do compliment women and pull them up and support them when I can . I have zero desire for drama or to take other women’s men .

🌻asteroid Lilith trine ascendant and sun , yeah I always wondered why people thought I was hitting on them when I wasn’t even interested lol but add a friendly bubbly Gemini ascendant with this aspect and you give off sexy vibes with out even noticing it . Fucking annoying to be honest hahah

🌻 IC in Leo , sun conjunct ascendant ... people say I wear my heart on my sleeve and what you see is what you get hahah

🌻IC in Leo , I shine when I’m with my family I feel the most comfortable around them and I love when they compliment me lol more than like anyone else .

🌻 If you were wondering why my chart seemed off I have 4 signs intercepted : Taurus / scorpio , Virgo / Pisces . My mercury , Mars , Pluto are all intercepted and my 12/6th houses are MASSIVE lol and my 11/5th are as well . Itty bitty 2/8th , 3/9th houses .

Let me know if you have any of these placements and can resonate 🥰

#astro notes #astrology #astro observations #birth chart

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dreamyaqua · 3 years

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I have my Mars, Chiron, & Juno all in Scorpio (11th House). Thoughts? - 🦁❤️

Oh wow, that's so interesting, Scorpio energies combined with the Aquarian nature of the 11th house.🥺

First of all, with a Scorpio mars you're likely to be determined, persistent, relentless, and intense. This placements enhances imagination and give you a powerful creative drive. You're likely to have powerful emotions and you'd be passionate and sensual. Mars in the 11th house gives you a rebellious and unpredictable spirit but it also makes you a humanitarian. You absolutely cannot stand injustice and you're likely to have a strong sense of what's right or wrong, and lead your life according to that. The Aquarian spirit of the 11th house makes you very generous, giving, yet even sacrificing for the betterment of everyone, you just want to help those who are treated unfairly and help everyone develop as a collective. Having Mars in Scorpio in the 11th house gives you the needed power and drive to change something and work towards solving humanitarian issues. You think differently and also far ahead of others, which also gives you a unique and eccentric charm and likely makes you an inspiration for others.

Juno is all about long-term partnerships/marriage/your ideal partner in the longterm, so having it in Scorpio in the 11th house means you're likely attracted to a mysterious person who's unique and stands out in their own way. You might be attracted to people who excude power and you desire deep commitment and loyalty. However, with the 11th house here, you might also be interested in some more unconventional/uncommon love relationships. I think it also depends on your venus/moon placements and whether you feel the Scorpio or the Aquarius energy is stronger to see whether you resonate more with the Scorpio traits of an emotional and even possessive lover or rather the Aquarius topics of wanting your freedom in relationships.

Chiron is all about locating where you're wounded and how you can heal those areas in your life. Having Chiron in Scorpio might make you sensitive both emotionally and spiritually. There might be a sense of feeling powerless or even cursed by the world. Maybe you've always felt like someone or something is out to get you and it's caused you to develop trust issues. Another topic here would be a fear of losing everyone, a fear of being abandoned. You can heal this area of your life by learning to express your emotions in a healthy and mature way, by learning to trust other people and let them help you. Not everyone is trying to hurt you and in the end, you're only hurting yourself by pushing people away. I know that's easier said than done but by developing your trust, you can learn and realize that you're not cursed and that you didn't do anything wrong and you're also not being punished. You can heal this with you whole heart and soul by learning to cultivate self-love and learning to accept yourself for who you are - you're neither scary nor evil or a monster. You're just right the way you are and you deserve to feel good about yourself.

With Chiron in the 11th house, there might be a theme going on of dreaming too big, so that you may end up disappointed by your own aspirations and dreams. You maybe also feel like it's expected of you to take up more average roles in life and that while you're doing the crucial and important part in group projects for work or school etc., it's others that take the spotlight. You're just as valid and capable of achieving great things as others and I'm sure that mars here can help you put your dreams into reality.🥺💞

#omg am i getting my first anon here🥺🥺 hiii~#11th #11th house #scorpio mars #chiron in scorpio #juno in scorpio #chiron in 11th #juno in 11th #mars in 11th #astro asks #ask #🦁❤ anon

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agape-philo-sophia · 3 years

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➝ Deocculting 911, Occult Numerology & Gematria, SpiritualWarfare. ⏰

The spiritual supporting pillars of the world’s societal structure were essentially demolished on 9/11…symbolically, allegorically, ritualistically and literally. It was quite a sinister “stroke of genius” and so exemplifies how these dark controllers operate. This is why the wake up to 9/11 Truth is so shocking to people’s systems and they just can’t handle it. It’s overwhelming, which it was designed to be. And so the vast populace rolls over and buries its head back in the sand... Tell A Big Enough Lie …and you’ll eventually get exposed. So full of lies are these controllers it’s beyond the grasp of normal sentient beings. And they revel in the power of that. It’s amazing they can be so brash yet hidden in plain sight. The Twin Pillars Archetype, The effect of occult (hidden) symbolism on the human psyche is a nicely kept secret. Even though psychologists such as Carl Jung have written extensively on this and it’s clearly pointed out by the esoteric community. People just do not realize they are daily the subject of the sophisticated manipulation of these terribly powerful symbols. Like scientific breakthroughs are garnered by the military, these elite psychopaths have to weaponize everything, instead of using it for the betterment of humanity and our world. “Signs and symbols rule the world, not words nor laws” – Confucius There’s much more to this subject. And it wasn’t just Freemasons involved in all this, but they’re a major arm that encapsulates a belief system much of the Illuminati share. Members of this dark cabal are almost always associated with some sort of secret society or practice like Freemasonry or witchcraft, often under a religious cover like the Vatican, Mormonism or Evangelical groups. Rothschild Zionists use both the religious cover and the financial “institution” to disguise and justify their perfidy. At the occult level the 9/11 event was a ritual, empowered, as is often the case, by performing human sacrifice. War is another such ritual, usually instigated and financed by this same dark cabal loosely labelled the Illuminati. I can’t begin to cover the extent of the symbology and esoteric meaning injected into the 9/11 charade, but I hope this opens up a few things for you to look into further. These same tactics are used constantly on an unwary public at many levels. The lie is exposed, the spell is broken and the illusion loses its power over you. But the secret weapon of 9/11 was this: it was riding high on the amplified occult, symbolic preparation of not just decades, seeing the “twin towers” as a symbol of world commerce and the “triumph of the human spirit”, but seeing “twin pillars of society” throughout architecture and logos and literature for millenia, both conscious and subconscious, being destroyed before their eyes, over and over and over. In Revelation 9:11, and please note the time code as well as the number code of 911, Abbadon is described as the Destroyer, the Angel of the Abyss, the King of Plague of Locusts, resembling horses with crowned human faces, women’s hair, lion’s teeth, wings, iron breastplates, and a tail with a scorpion’s stinger, that torments for five months anyone who does not have the Seal of God on his forehead. It is clear that this is a Demon, Fallen God or Black Star, that is directly connected to powering up the Armageddon Software through the Yahweh Matrix. The Black Star Abbadon in the center of the Milky Way is what holds together the 666 Beast Configuration, along with the Yahweh Matrix that creates the Inorganic Four, the Yod-Hay-Vod-Hay system. This system feeds off of living creatures and sends the life force back to the black hole entities. As we have been discussing the shift that has been occurring with the Planetary Staff, the Planetary Staff of earth was tilted in order to align it to the Black Star Abbadon in the center of the Milky Way. This artificial axial tilt in the planet is shifting its alignment now. This shift has activated doomsday prophets wired into the Yahweh matrix that believe the current events are the sign of the alien God’s narrative, that the rapture is coming or that we are entering into the global Armageddon-Megiddo showdown, when we transition out of the final stages of the Piscean Alchemical Law. The current theme during the Paliadorian Activations is the clearing of the Yahweh Matrix and its blood covenant bindings out of the Human 12 Tribes genetic records, with the transmissions and support of the Blue Feathers of Aquaferion. As a result of dismantling this blood covenant network, those who are controlled by the Yahweh system will be agitated and activated to play out these mind controlled biblical dramas. Because the original 5D Ascension plan was not achievable becasue of the False Ascension Matrix and the damage caused through the False Navel and False White Webbing, it required our evolution through the time fields in the Harmonic Universes in the Universal Time Matrix to be drastically sped up. Those serving the Law of One, are moving through extreme amounts of the future timelines, observing its collapse, in order to arrive at the Gateway Octave where the Organic and eternal light is overriding the Artificial Machinery and replicated alien coding. False Timelines and False Software to Mind Control humanity was used to deter humans from their organic and natural ascension evolution. This is why this planet is called, “prison planet”. Meanwhile the negatives desperately cling on to the artificial timeline programs to influence humans through fear to manifest into their enslaved future selves as Negative Form. (Some examples: Nostradamus Prophecy, Armageddon Software, Pestilence Programming, 911 Military Industrial Complex Revolution, any terrorist and cataclysmic inorganic event generated by the Negative Aliens. None of these manipulated programs are sourced as “natural events”. ) Because the planet is ready to drop and collapse timelines from the previous 3D cycle where the planet is playing out the result of the Luciferian Rebellion from Atlantean time cycle, there is a struggle to dominate upcoming events that would influence these future timelines to be solely in Negative Alien or the NAA control. These groups have infighting, and the two primary groups have infected their headquartered control mechanism in two major stargates and power vortexes on the planet. Black Sun Program have headquartered themselves in the 10th Stargate or Iran Gate of the Golden Eagle Grid and lodged their technologies in Iraq/Iran to gain dominance over the power spots in Giza, Egypt. Most of them are Reptile Insectoid Collectives from out of the Phantom Matrix spaces in the parallel systems, which formed alliances with the Fallen Angelic Annunaki Groups to take control over the earth, which are referred to as the NAA. This is why they chose that area of the planet to dominate, it was easier to invade from the genetic key level. The Sons of Belial, the Nibiruian-Annunaki reptilians of the New World Order crews that engineered the 911 Timeline Agendas, have headquartered themselves in the 11th Stargate area in the United Kingdom, this is also known as Stonehenge. These are the creators of the teeth chomping technology of the Nephilim Reversal Grid (NRG). Comprising primarily of Fallen Elohim genetic lines, this reversal network was a rebellion to the hybridization attempts of Lyran-Elohim races, who were responsible in commissioning Nephilim races for genetic hybridization healing. The failure of that program, the banishment of Nephilim (The Giants) and killing of that race, resulted in Wars, and subsequently, the NRG was placed in the UK to reverse all hybridized genetics, especially any genetic material (like the Krystal DNA Silicate Matrix) that was designed to “unify” or “marry” genetics. The unification of polarity within genetics may evolve to Unity Field consciousness which is a part of achieving the Christos consciousness. There is a consciousness war to stop Krystal Star consciousness from potentially evolving and embodying in human beings on this earth. It also is clear that all matters of Blood Sacrifice, whether human, animal or of any living thing, are made to the conjuring of elemental forces that directly connect into this collective Satanic force of the Baphomet field in the underworld realms. Satanists, witches, Santeria, voodoo, violent religion or other related rituals involving drugs or killing, one is allowing their body to be possessed by lower spirits and are being controlled, addicted or feeding into the spreading of this Satanic force field. It is like an viral infection. The act of feeding this force through ritual offering and Blood Sacrifice is purposed to produce Satanic humans running the earth and to keep enslaved the female Christos-Sophia from reclaiming her body parts and creations in the earth. This is enslavement of the Mother principle. Satanism effectively is the worship of earthly forces through patriarchal domination and their False Father earthly conjured gods for selfish material gain. The world of forces can be ritualized through offerings, Blood Sacrifice SRA and its intentions made manifest through superimposing forces or binding others energies without their consent or free will in physical matter. Apparently, it is believed when the luciferian ritualist opens the portal of Daath, the heart complex and physical heart chambers are filled with life force, which supposedly grows a soul from those sacrificed and harvested, on behalf of those who are soul-less. For those of us aware that the Sons of Belial are behind the New World Order and the 911 Timelines, it becomes clearer that humanity was held captive at a global scale, to witness the sophisticated orchestration of an Adam Belial Luciferian ritual that destroyed the Twin Towers and killed many innocent people for the purpose of Blood Sacrifice for the soul-less. The Belial Program described is one faction of the NAA attempting to force the planet to serve the multiple invading species agenda, through imposing artificially replicated time fields, inverting the system and generating a false reality based upon masterful lies, deceptions and illusions. The NAA effectively declared an edict of war against the Christos Founders, and all of the Maji Grail King lines, Indigos, as well as the earth population on September 12, 2000. Exactly one year later they staged an Adam Belial ritual in order to institute a public ceremony announcing their New World Order plan with the culmination of the tragic events of September 11, 2001 in New York City. The destruction of the Twin Towers and Blood Sacrifice of those killed at the World Trade Center, was intended to be the line drawn in the sand to show the NAA were proceeding with their full domination and slavery agenda of humanity and earth. This event brought forward what became known as the 911 Timelines, the institution of the false reality timelines in order take the planet into AI Assimilation Timeline which is the Fallen AI Timeline Loops that the NAA fully control from within the Phantom Matrix. The day of the attack: 11 The Date of the Attack, September 11 or 9/11 = 9 + 1 + 1 = 11 911 is emergency number = 9 + 1 + 1 = 11 September 11th is the 254th day of the year: 2 + 5 + 4 = 11 After September 11th we have 111 remaining for the end of the year. 119 is the Area Code for Iran & Iraq 1 + 1+ 9 = 11 The first plane to hit one of the buildings was Flight 11 The State of New York was the 11th State to join the Union New York City = 11 letters Afghanistan = 11 letters The Pentagon = 11 letters Flight 11 had 92 passengers, 9 + 2 = 11 Flight 77 had 65 passengers, 6 + 5 = 11 Twin Towers look like an 11 Twin Towers had 110 floors George H.W. Bush’s famous New World Order speech to congress was on 9/11/1990. Exactly 11 years before the attacks. In that speech, Bush encodes another 9-11. “Out of these troubled times, our fifth objective, a New World Order” → 5. “An era in which the nations of the world: east and west, north and south…” → 4. 5+4=9. “100 generations have searched for this elusive path to peace, while 1000 wars waged across the span of human endeavor” →100+1000 = 1100 → 11 Through gematria we see the first plane, American Airlines Flight 11, actually encodes two 11s. A=1, so AA-11 = 11-11. This also hearkens to the spiritual organization founded by Aleister Crowley known as A∴A∴ The North Tower (WTC1) was impacted at 8:46:40 and collapsed at 10:28:22. An interval of ~101 minutes. The South Tower (WTC2) was impacted at 9:03:00 and collapsed at 9:59:00. An interval of 56 minutes, 5+6=11. (Yes, those times times are exactly at the minute marks. 9:03:00 is the impact time given in the 9/11 Commission Report. However, NIST established this time as 9:02:59… Shucks, only one second off.) September 11th was the 254th day of the year. 2+5+4=11 Thus, there were 111 days left in the year. September 11th in the Gregorian calendar is New Year’s Day in the Coptic calendar, the calendar originating in Egypt, traditionally the source of all the Hermetic traditions. Quran (9:11) - "For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace". (Note the verse number!)

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