#I really hope that one day we can see them rekindle their bond

[ominous-corridors]

Reunion // Ominis Gaunt

Warnings: NSFW. Dominis. Unprotected sex.

Ominis Gaunt x Reader

One shot

Word count: 4,744

Keep in mind I'm Dyslexic so there may be spelling/grammar/punctuation errors.

Summery: Ominis has been gone on Auror work and has been out of the country for years. He is finally home and comes around for a little reunion.

A/N: I'm so sorry you are all subjected to such a long rambling. My fingers ran and I followed. Hope you enjoy. Part of this was inspired by this image.

Ominis Gaunt. How to explain Ominis Gaunt?

He was kind. He was caring. He understood your problems. It was very interesting when she learned he was blind. It was many years ago, she had failed a Charms exam. Looking back on it now, that exam wasn't even that important. It was a silly thing to think about how hard she was crying as she walked through the Defense Against the Dark Arts tower. The echoing of shoes and sobs following her as she wandered aimlessly around the castle. All of her other friends had already gone to their other classes, leaving her alone with her emotions and thoughts. 

"Excuse me?" A gentle voice said behind her.

Turning, she saw a boy. She had seen him before, with his blonde hair slicked back and his piercing blue eyes that never seemed to see her. He was in one of Her other classes, Herbology maybe? 

She wiped her face on her robe sleeve, trying to rid the signs of her salty tears before he could get a good look and ask questions.

"Yes?" She said, maybe a little more cutting than she intended. 

He didn't seem to notice, "I couldn't help but hear you crying. Are you alright?"

He knew.

"O-Oh. Yes.....I'm fine," She gave a weak smile in hopes of reassuring him.

"You don't sound fine," He took a few steps closer to her, his wand firmly held out in front of him.

Why did he have his wand out like he was ready for a fight?

She sniffled again, "I am. Promise."

A small chuckle escaped his lips, "Very interesting. Already making promises and braking them. And we haven't known each other more than five minutes."

What did he know? 

He made his way across the marble floor to stand in front of her. It was interesting, the way he had come from only lead to a dead end, but she could have sworn he wasn't there when she originally passed that part of the corridor.

"Please, I know you don't know me very well, but I can be a very good listener. If you need to talk with someone." 

And that that was the beginning of a wonderful friendship. Not only did he help her feel better that day, but he was always the constant comfort for her during the rest of her schooling days. It wasn't exactly either of their faults when things started to get in the way after graduation and neither of them had really seen each other in person for a few years. Always owls back and forth about where their career paths took them. 

Ominis was actually a very good Auror, despite his lack of vision. He and Sebastian worked together, which made her happy that they could stay close with one another. It was a nasty thing that happened with them during their fifth year. It took a while for them to rekindle their friendship. That was really when Ominis and her got close. They were good friends before, but in those months after the incident, Ominis was the one who needed comfort. And that's where she came in. He had alway been there for her, and it was her turn to be there for him. And that's how she found out more about his family. What they did to people. To Him. And there was no way she were going to make him go back to them over the summer. 

So she offered to let him stay with her. An offer he tried his hardest to refuse, but she wouldn't let him. The summer months spent with her family were an integral part of what made their bond so strong. The days spent out behind her home sitting in the grass under the old oak tree. The sound of her voice as she read him all of those stories she always talked about. He would often slip into a cat nap as she read to him. When she noticed she couldn't help but smile and continue on reading, lest he wake up again. 

And now here she was, sitting at the table in her flat as an owl swooped in, dropping a letter in front of her. She had been expecting the small envelope for a few days. Details of when Ominis would be coming into the city again. He had been away somewhere in Eastern Europe on a case for a while. He had told her that she would not be able to refuse to see him, it had been far too long. She had offered him to come to her flat. She knew he wasn't one for crowded pubs, much preferring a quiet setting. 

I'll be there on Friday. 

7pm. 

Ominis

It was an oddly short note, but he surely was getting things wrapped up and didn't have a lot of time to be sending out his normal pages of writing she had grown accustomed to. 

--

She fiddled with her dress, smoothing the silk under her fingers. The motion was almost unconscious, a way for her to let out the small bit of anxiety that was bubbling up in the pit of her stomach. She poured herself a glass of wine and took a few sips, hoping to calm her nerves. She knew that Ominis couldn't see her, but she still felt the need to check her appearance in the mirror one more time, just to be sure she looked okay. She had always had a soft spot for the man--She even had a crush on him during their school years. She could feel the old emotions of that school girl crush coming back up to the surface as the clock inched closer to seven. She shook her head, trying to get rid of those thoughts. It had been years since she'd seen him, she was acting silly. 

There was a knock at the door.

She set her glass down on the table before making her way down the hall and opening the door. 

And there he was, in all of his glory. Time had been very kind to him. He still sported his hair style from school, slicked back and still just as blonde as it had always been. He still had the same smile on his face. She felt a shiver run down her spine as she took him in. He had a wonderful blue three piece suit that fit his chest and arms snuggly. 

She took a deep breath, collecting herself, "Ominis!"

"Hello, dear," He held his arms out, inviting her in for a hug.

She didn't hesitate to walk right into them as she snaked her arms around his torso, burying her face into his chest. She felt his arms close around her in a tight hug. The feeling of being in his arms was just something so right. She could feel the butterflies of her old crush fluttering in her chest. She almost welcomed them as she took in his cologne. He smelled of mint and something she couldn't quite pinpoint. Perhaps a new aftershave? It had been a long time, he was bound to have something different about him. She wasn't complaining though, she welcomed the delicious aroma he put off. 

"Miss me that much?" He chuckled, still holding onto her tightly.

She felt the rumble in his chest as he laughed, and she realized she could hear his heart beating as well, thrumming against his ribs. She looked up at him from her place in his arms and giggled lightly as his jest.

"Is that such a bad thing?" She questioned with a teasing tone to her voice.

She saw the small smile he had been wearing grow wider at her question and he shook his head, "I suppose not." 

She smiled up at him and slowly pulled away from his arms, taking his hand and leading him into her home, "Tell me about Eastern Europe. You know I don't get to travel. I would love to hear about it."

They found seats at her small table in her kitchen and she poured him a glass of wine before sitting back where she had her own sitting from before. 

"Well, I'm not sure how much I can tell you. Sebastian did do a wonderful job at painting me a picture of what it looked like, but I'm not sure I could really do it justice," He admitted as he took a sip of his wine.

"Well, tell me how you saw it. What opinions do you have in that brilliant head of yours."

He smiled again, "Well, how to describe it...."

He thought for a moment, swirling his wine in his hand as he sank back in his chair. He was starting to relax, lose all those silly 'proper' mannerisms. He knew he could really relax with her, not have to worry about the judgment he was so used to. 

After a moment he spoke up, "Well, it could be loud. Walking the streets with Sebastian. He told me how beautiful the architecture was, how different it was from home. There were always carriages being driven around, and people. But, there was a little shop down one of the quieter side streets. They had the most wonderful coffee there, and good pastries. The smell of them was so delicious," He was smiling widely as he recounted the memory, "And at night, when all of the people were finally gone.....It was so peaceful. The only sounds were my footsteps and a few owls that had a nest near where we were staying. That was when I really enjoyed the city."

She smiled at him, "That does sound lovely. Maybe on day you can show me that little pastry shop."

"I would love to. I thought about you every time I went there, you know. I know how much you adore sweets and sugary things."

He thought of her? Well, of course she thought of him, but she hadn't thought that he gave her much more thought than when he got a letter from her that he had to write a reply to. It almost caught her off guard.

Ominis noticed her silence and spoke again, "Darling, I must admit--I thought about you more than when I went to that shop. More than when I got your letters," He sighed, running a hand through his hair before he sat up straight again, "I don't know how I've managed these years apart from you, being back here now. When you opened the door I felt like I dove head first into the Black Lake. I can't keep my feelings a secret any longer."

His feelings? What was he talking about? Surely his didn't mean what she thought he did.

He stood from his place at the table and came to stand in front of her before swiftly getting to his knees. He held his hands out to her, an invitation that she couldn't decline. She placed her hands in his and he squeezed them lightly. She looked down at him as he stayed like that for a moment before he continued.

"I'v had feelings for you since we were at school. I thought that maybe it was just a school boy's crush and I would get over it. I didn't want to jeopardize our friendship on something that I would forget about in a few weeks," He chuckled, "But I was very wrong."

She sat there, him still holding onto her hands. She watched him carefully, taking in every detail she could. How his pale skin seemed to almost glow under the light filling the room. Every last little beauty mark on his face--They almost looked like constellations. She had realized she was holding her breath at that point and took a sharp inhale. 

She felt Ominis's hands tighten around hers as she did so, almost as if he was afraid of her answer. Like if he didn't hold her tight enough, she would float away like a balloon in the wind. 

She still harbored feelings for him, but it had been years. He was bound to be a different person, as was she. Would they be able to have a relationship after being away from each other for so long?

"Ominis-" She began before being cut off by his deep sigh.

"Please, just give this a chance. Give us a chance. I have lived without you for too long. You are every thought on my mind. Your voice is like sweet nectar to my ears. Your scent is intoxicating. I understand why men do such rash things for the women they love. I would do anything for you. Anything to be the one who gets to know who you really are behind closed doors. To be the one who gets to feel your soft caress," He suddenly let go of her hands and moved them to rest one on  the arm of her chair, and the other to rest on her thigh. 

The feeling of his hand on her sent a shiver up her spine. She felt the goosebumps rising under his touch. His words were already making her feel dazed. How could he hide such strong feelings from her for so long? Why did he pick now to tell all of it to her? 

She felt his hand squeeze her thigh lightly, another sigh leaving his lips.

"I don't think you understand what you do to me, darling," He chuckled and shook his head almost in a teasing way.

"What?" She could feel her underwear staring to get damp.

He leaned in closer, his chest now hovering over her body and his head tilted up to hers as she looked down at him, "You don't understand what you do to me." His voice was husky now, and barely above a whisper.

She felt her breath hitch and her skin ignite under the warmth of his proximity. Her heart was practically beating out of her chest and the butterflies in her stomach threatened to fly away with her. In that moment, she could swear that Ominis was staring right at her. Pouring his soul into hers. 

He leaned in even more, noses touching and lips ghosting over each other, "I'm going to kiss you now, if you'll allow it."

She barely heard him over the sound of blood pumping in her ears. She couldn't manage to speak, not the she didn't try. So, she opted to just nod ever so lightly, not wanting to move her lips too far away from his.

He pressed his lips to hers, gentle and sweet. It was in his nature to be gentle with her. He had always been that way with her. His hand on the chair swiftly moved to the crook of her neck, finally giving her the skin on skin contact she hadn't realized she was craving. His thumb rested gingerly on her jaw as their lips moved in sync. 

After Ominis had done his testing of the waters, she felt his kiss get more aggressive, more rough. More like he was drinking in the sweet waters he had been yearning for, for years. The fire in him only growing as her lips moved to match his rhythm, surprisingly enough for her. She didn't realize she had wanted this so badly, to feel his lips on hers, to feel his hands on her. It was enough to drive her mad, and she craved more. 

Ominis moved his lips from hers, earning a soft whimper in disagreement. He chuckled again as his lips adeptly found their way to her neck, laying a path of soft kisses. 

She bit her lip, feeling the trail of heat and the tingling sensation he left in his wake. His hand on her thigh moved suddenly, slipping higher, his thumb grazing as he went. He was getting dangerously close to her now. She let out a soft moan as he began sucking on her neck.

She felt him smirk into her skin, "I want to see you. All of you."

What did that mean? See her?

His mouth moved to her ear, his hot breath washing over her. And almost as if he read her mind he spoke in a hushed whisper, "You know I see with my hands."

Oh.

Oh.

Her body moved before her mind could process. She quickly stood, causing Ominis to almost fall over. He was thankfully quick on his feet, standing not a moment later. She grabbed his hand and pulled him along behind her as she made her way to her room. 

As soon as she crossed the threshold, his hands were all over her. She would never know how he seemed to just know. Right now, though, all she could think about was he feeling of him running his hands down her sides as he pressed his body against hers from behind. He went straight back to kissing her neck again as his hands moved to the back of her dress.

She could feel as he delicately undid each button, running his fingers behind on the newly exposed skin of her back.

"Your skin is so much softer than I imagined," He said as he laid a few kisses across her shoulders, pulling the dress down off of them.

As soon as it he got it past her shoulders he let go, letting it fall to the floor, all but forgotten as he slid his hands down her back slowly. Savoring every inch of her now exposed body. 

Her breathing was shallow. She took quick breaths to try and fill her lungs, but nothing she did could stop them from screaming at her as she felt his hands leaving goosebumps behind them.

"W-Would you like me to show you?" She managed out. 

He hummed an agreement, his fingers still tracing out the shape of her shoulder blades under her skin.

She turned to face him, almost as if he was commanding her and she was to obey. He held his hands out to her, his eyes half closed in what only could be disturbed as a sultry glance. She bit her lip, taking his hands by his wrists. She could feel his pulse. She was glad that his body had to be screaming at him as much as hers was. 

Gently, she brought his hands to her chest, letting him cup her breasts in his hands. She watched him as he did so, his mouth falling open ever so slightly. He moved his thumbs over her hardened nipples which elicited a muffled moan from her as she clamped down harder on her bottom lip. She watched him smirk and blink a few times before she moved his hands, sliding them along her abdomen to rest on her hips. He squeezed lightly at first before digging his fingers into her flesh, his nails almost leaving marks.

"You are exquisite," He breathed.

He squeezed one more time and she felt her legs getting more slick by the second. She then moved his hands behind her, letting him rest them on her bum. He gave it a good squeeze before leaning in and kissing her again. His lips hungry for her, passion and desire leaking out of them. 

She realized that she was the only one naked in the moment, and she wasn't about to let him get away with that. She quickly started unbuttoning his vest as their tongues melded together. The only sounds in the room were wet lips and heavy breathing with a few moans here and there. 

Ominis's hands moved again, this time on their own to grab her hips again, digging his nails into her skin. She let out a small moan, prompting him to do it again. After a few more moments of unbuttoning his clothing and wet kissing, he stood before her in just his trousers.

She took in the sight of him, soaking in every detail of his form. He was still lean as he had been in school, but there were ever so slight layers of muscle that tugged at his skin in just the right way. He looked absolutely divine. Her lip found it's way between her teeth again as she tried to count every little round mark on his skin. She could spend hours just trying to commit each one's location to memory. 

"Enjoying the view?" He raised an eyebrow at her as he kicked out of his shoes.

"Oh, more than you know." 

He let out a deep chuckle as he stepped toward her.

"Lay down," His voice was rough and commanding. 

She didn't hesitate to obey, quickly making her way to the bed and laying down. He made his way to her, grabbing her thighs and pulling her to the edge of the bed. She let out a small yelp to which he only smirked. He guided her underwear off slowly, letting his fingers graze her skin. He spread her legs wide, holding on to her knees as he he knelt down in front of her. His hands moved from her knees and slid slowly up her inner thighs, his calloused fingertips grazing her in a way that made her feel like she was on fire. He slipped on of his hands under her leg, lifting it onto his shoulder and firmly holding it in place by her thigh. He squeezed again, pressing his cheek into her soft skin.

"You are a divine gift from the Gods, my sweet."

Every time he spoke words like that to her, she could feel her whole core tremble. If he could make her feel like this with just words, what could he do-?

Her thoughts were cut off by the sudden feeling of his finger sliding over her clit. She gasped and almost pulled away from the sensation, only to be stopped by his firm hand on her leg.

"Ah, there you are," He said.

He quickly backtracked his movements, pressing light circles against her. She let out another string of moans as he worked her sensitive area. She looked down at him, watching him. His mouth was parted and she could see the desire written on his face.

"You are music to my ears, dove."

He continued like that for a few moments before dipping his fingers to her entrance, feeling the pool she had left for him. Because of him.

"Oh, you are so deliciously wet for me, love," He smirked again, sliding two fingers into her slowly, relishing in the feeling surrounding them. She threw her head back against the bed. He let out a small groan that mixed with the moan she let out at feeling him inside of her. 

He began pumping his fingers slowly, the sweet sound of her drawn out moans and the wet slapping of her pussy hitting his ears. He picked up the pace, shoving his fingers as far as they would go.

"O-Oh, f-fuck!" She arched her back. His fingers were like magic as he worked her.

He stopped suddenly, removing his fingers quickly. She whined at the loss of him, looking back to see him slowly put his fingers into his mouth, sucking her off of them.

"Merlin, you taste phenomenal."

He quickly stood, unbuttoning his pants and pulling out his member, pumping it a few times with gritted teeth.

"On your knees." He commanded.

She quickly got off the bed, kneeling in front of him. He still held himself in his hand. He used his other hand to grip onto her hair.

"Open," He growled.

This was a new side to him that she hadn't seen before, and she wasn't ashamed to say that she liked it. She liked being commanded by him, she liked how he gripped her, how he pleased her. So, she did as she was told. She opened her mouth wide, sticking her tongue out, ready to accept him.

He slowly guided himself into her mouth, a muffled groan escaping his lips. He moved her head by the hair firmly in his fist, stroking himself ever so slowly. 

"Your mouth is so fucking good." Ominis was not one for swearing. He hardly ever said anything one would consider crass, and that made this all the more attractive to her.

After he gave her a moment to acquaint herself with his size, he began thrusting his length into her quicker. Soft groans coming from him as he did. He began picking up speed, thrusting harder, shoving his whole length down her throat. She tried to keep her throat relaxed, not choke on him, but she couldn't keep it up. She gagged loudly, which caused him to pull out entirely, a wide smirk on his face.

"Good girl," He said, "Now, get back on the bed. Ass up."

She moved and got back on the bed on her hands and knees, putting her bum in the air. She felt him get on the bed behind her, his hands gripping onto her hips. He slid one of his hands down her bum and felt for her entrance before taking his length and pressing his tip against her.

"Ready, love?"

"Y-Yes," She breathed. She had never imagined that their reunion would turn into this, but she was happy it had.

Without another word, he roughly pushed into her, feeling her walls around him with a drawn out groan. 

"Fuck," He muttered, rolling his hips.

She moaned out as he did so, feeling him fill her. 

He reached out and gripped her hair again, pulling her to support her top half with her hands. He began bucking into her wildly, moans and groans filling the room as they both felt the pleasure rocketing through their bodies with each connection of hips. 

"That's right. Take it, darling, " He groaned, "You take my cock so well."

She could feel him hitting deep within her, right on that magic little spot. Each thrust of his length hitting perfectly. The knot in her stomach was tight, almost painfully so a he continued his pace, her moaning loud and unbridled. He moved his hand from her hair and slipped it around her mouth, leaning forward to press his chest against her back.

"Quite, darling. I want to hear my cock fuck that pretty pussy of yours," He almost purred into her ear. 

He continued to buck his hips as he stayed over her like that with his hand over her mouth. Her moans muffled by his firm grip on her face. He grunted into her ear as he listened to the wet sound of skin on skin echo off the walls surrounding them. 

"Mmmm," He said something after that. Something that she could only describe as air slithering past his tongue. 

Parseltongue. 

He let the sweet sounds of it pass his lips as he fucked her. Listening to him speak to her like that was only serving to drive her more mad. She could feel herself getting closer as the friction became almost unbearable. 

Her walls began to tighten around him, causing him to let out another groan.

"Let it out, dove. Come for me," He whispered into her ear, sitting up in his knees again and gripping her waist tightly. 

The then began pounding into her, pulling her hips to meet his as he groaned and grunted at the feeling of her tight pussy around him.

It didn't take long for her to get to her climax after that as he continued to hit her sweet spot. Her legs shook under her as the knot in her stomach came undone. 

"O-Oh, Ominis!" She moaned loudly as she came. Her breath heavy.

He chuckled, continuing to hit her hard as his own climax came over him. He groaned loudly, pushing as far into her as he could, filling her to the brim. 

They stayed in that position for a moment, both panting hard as they came down from the high of their escapade. After a moment, Ominis pulled out, falling onto the bed next to her. She quickly followed his lead and laid next to him.

He opened his arms for her to come closer to him and she happily obliged, cuddling herself into his chest as his arms wrapped around her. He kissed her forehead and then rested his chin on top of her head.

"How was that?" He asked.

She giggled, "That was....It was wonderful."

He chuckled and squeezed her tightly to him, "Good."

#hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy ominis #ominis gaunt #Dominis #hogwarts legacy fic #hogwarts legacy one shot #ominis x reader #ominis gaunt x reader

[aleksanderscult]

Part 1 of Aleksander Morozova being a jealous bitch

Here's a long ass meta (I awaited for this moment for so long) where I'll post and comment each scene where the Darkling gets jealous. 'Cause let's be real, we love to see it.

Cut below since it's too long (he seriously gets jealous even five minutes in every scene he appears🤦)

(Part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5 and the bonus content btw🖤)

Let's dive in!

"A grim smile playing on his lips."

Yeah it's grim 'cause he forces himself to smile in order to hide the pain and hurt from just seeing the girl he unintentionally fell in love with have a romantic scene with a deserter tracker, but still be doesn't succeed in putting a good i-dont-give-a-fuck show so now we have this failed effort.

Next!

Translation: "Are you so loyal to her? Willing to do anything for her? LIKE I WAS??"

The low-key spite and snide that comes out here is *CHEF'S KISS*.

Aside from the jealousy matter, the Darkling here tries to manipulate Mal by using fear. With the threat of death. He's testing to see his bravery, courage and how far he's willing to go for Alina. Clever.

THE PETTINESS HERE DJDJSKJSJS

Okay he obviously wants to lower their confidence, strength and break apart the bond that Mal and Alina had re-created the past few days. Again clever.

BUT!

No one can tell me that he also wasn't bitter and vengeful. He was like: "Aww they have rekindled their romance! How sweet! Now watch me destroy it🥰🥰"

"That was a very touching scene we witnessed".

Translation: "I'm disgusted. I'm in pain."

Actually, this is how I imagine the Darkling being when Mal and Alina kissed 😭:

Also, his (famous) sexual innuendos. He knew that Alina would never say to Mal what truly happened between them. So he's "spitting" it on Mal's face with such pleasure and satisfaction (like "she willingly gave herself to ME, boy. Did she tell you that? No. I don't think so"). And even though they obviously didn't have sex he implies it 'cause he's petty like that.

You know. For being famous for his acting skills, he really lets his mask slip easily lots of times.

Aside from anger, he must have felt hurt. This is the first time that Alina recoils from his touch and it bothers him.

The Darkling here being like:

He's acting like they were a couple and had a break up LMAO. The way he doesn't even look at her. Such a dramatic bitch.😔

The Darkling: "Lord, give me patience not to obliterate a bitch (Mal)".

His patience runs out. The fact that the first thing Alina asks him about is Mal makes him want to lash out. He be like: "I'll be so glad when I'll feed his ass to the volcra."

The moment he instructs her what to do, he demands answers about her thoughts for Mal. He's genuinely curious about what she sees in him. And how can she have hopes about being with him, an otkazat'sya, a mortal man that is beneath her? When the only person, according to him, that would understand her and accept her completely is himself (Dude we get it, you're superior 😭).

Also, he's trying to save her from a future disappointment. He has walked this path before and doesn't want Alina to do the same. He has seen this play and didn't like the ending.

So! This is part 1 of my long meta since I can't put more than 10 pictures in a post *shakes fist at Tumblr*. But don't worry. I'll continue this delightful meta in the next few days.😊😊

#this is part 1 of the Darkling seeing red flags when it comes to Mal #I'm enjoying this so much #not the Darkling though #The Darkling being jealous meta #meta #Youtube #grishaverse #grishaverse trilogy #shadow and bone #the darkling #pro darkling #aleksander morovoza #pro aleksander morozova #alina starkov #darklina #pro darklina #mal oretsev #alarkling #darklina meta

[entityforged]

under the cut you will find a very long list of very specific plots/dynamics i want to write, organized by corresponding muse. if you're interested in any of them, you can reply below, dm me the plot you're interested in, or just like if you want me to message you first. there's technically no limit on these plots; i don't mind "repeating" plots bc they'll always be different depending on who i'm writing them with, so don't let that hold you back from an idea.

ash: — give me the hot straight boy (or not) from church that they had a crush on. give me the two of them meeting at a pride event, discussing their feelings on gender, sexuality, and religion. give me the rekindling of friendship and feelings, that strange bond with someone who knew you before you knew yourself, the understanding that comes with shared trauma.

brody: — your muse knew him when they were younger, before he got really famous. one day they realize he still follows them back on instagram and send him a message saying they're proud/impressed, hope he's doing well, etc, not expecting him to respond. except he does, and they start talking a lot, and they end up catching feelings. maybe they didn't know each other well before this, maybe one or both had a crush that they never expressed, maybe one or both are in a relationship—idk there's just a lot of fun dynamics we could play with in a celebrity x random guy ship. — just anyone who has an actual crush on him. it'll take a lot of convincing to get him to accept that they care about him as a person, especially if they've already hooked up, but i really want to see someone treat him softly, help him come to terms with the trauma he's endured, and make him realize that he is worth more than his body.

caspian: — first of all tw for self harm; second of all this could work for ships i already have with him! basically i really want to play out the first time he's getting intimate with someone and they accidentally touch/see his scars. he'll freak out and depending on the kind of relationship there are different ways they can handle it, but it's an aspect of him i'd like to explore (esp bc i have not always dealt with it very well in the past).

daehyun: — idk how to explain this dynamic other than just showing you 1:05-2:07 of this video. give dae the stoic, quiet, very masculine, (maybe still thinks he's straight) counterpart to his bubbly, outgoing, very openly queer self. and if we wanna take inspo from the song he won't be actively gunning for the other guy to break up with his gf but he Will be hoping for it. (also bonus points if they dance together but that is not necessary!) — more professional connections please!! choreographers or fellow dancers or people he is doing backup dancing for!! i have also been toying with a verse for him moving to korea so if anyone has idol muses :eyesemoji:

daisy: — imagine reuniting with your childhood crush except they're now a world famous actor and you have a headache from trying to explain algebra to 12 year olds all day. how do you even handle that.

darcy: — someone that knew him before his family died, maybe even a childhood friend who knew them too. they're the only person allowed to come over during august, the only person he'll talk to about any of it. he definitely has feelings for them—maybe always has—but he refuses to say anything because he can't risk ruining their friendship. — someone else who works at the strip club! could be a bartender or bouncer or another dancer; could be purely platonic, could be romantic/sexual, could be a rivalry! lots of potential here.

lennon: — okay this one is so silly but they love anime and i've always had this idea of them having a secret tumblr or twitter where they talk about that! and they also have a longtime mutual who they're best friends with, they know all lennon's secrets but not who they are. and as they catch feelings they have to decide if they want to lose their one place of anonymity, their friendship, and maybe even their trust. (and maybe for bonus funny points they one day reveal that they have an interest in figure skating and lennon like. sneakily tries to get their opinion on themself lmao)

matthew: — in this house we love tropes so pls i am begging give me the person he is bodyguarding; they're soft and flighty and wear their heart on their sleeve and he's both exasperated and in awe of them. bonus points if they are openly queer! he can't have them and he can't be them so instead he will simply yearn in silent agony. (this one can be totally platonic they can totally just be besties.)

miles: — give this beautiful man his first kiss!!! it can be a joke/dare/casual thing that he puts way too much meaning into despite trying not to; it can be the climax of a sweet romantic slow burn; it can be him asking a friend to just kiss him so he can get it over with but oops he liked it a lot actually!!! idk idc just kiss him

rhys: — "hey hello fellow single parent our kids are besties do you wanna set up a playdate for them? no this is not because i have an absurd crush on you and this is not because my daughter knows and will definitely tell you if i don't at least pretend to make a move"

rijin: — polar opposite besties!! they're loud and outgoing but know better than to try to force him out of his shell; he thinks they're brighter than the sun and are fucking terrified of the day they decide they're tired of trying to shine a light into his dark, lonely world.

taesuk: — modelling rival! modelling rival! they could be a fellow up-and-comer or someone a bit older and more established; either way they definitely super hate each other and don't wanna fuck even a little!

#wanted ( plot ) #ash ( wishlist ) #brody ( wishlist ) #caspian ( wishlist ) #daehyun ( wishlist ) #daisy ( wishlist ) #darcy ( wishlist ) #lennon ( wishlist ) #matthew ( wishlist ) #miles ( wishlist ) #rhys ( wishlist ) #rijin ( wishlist ) #taesuk ( wishlist ) #man i could have gone on for so much longer. you're welcome. #also i got impatient and i'm posting now! will rb a few times dw

[crystaldwightsworld]

I know its been like 2 years since you updated Nerve so sorry if this is annoying!! But i just finished reading chapter 2 yesterday and today i accidentally found your tumblr account?!?! I'm so shocked, I think it was fate haha 😄

So anyway, I found myself thinking about your story for the whole day. I really love your writing style. I couldn't look away from the screen. You perfectly captured Ashley's emotions, I could feel her pain and her hesitancy towards Leon. And Leon... he's so gentle and tactful. He instantly makes you feel safe.

I just wanted to thank you for writing this, I noticed that you seem a bit unsure if your stories are good (you mentioned rewriting it a lot of times 😅) and I just want to tell you that THEY ARE AMAZING!!! You are very talented and I hope you have lots of motivation and inspiration to write more great stories in the future. ❤

No need to apologise, it's far from annoying. Maybe fate, maybe not, I did link to my tumblr on some of the chapters in my fics (actually went back and linked to it on all of them since I realized I hadn't been doing it lol).

It still baffles me that I get so many comments on the story and messages here on tumblr. You're not the first person to message me about it lol. Baffled because... you're right, I don't think it's that good xD. I know Leon x Ashley is far from the popular pairing but that's exactly why I started the story/ies. Not a lot of ppl write for them specifically and not a lot of ppl like Ashley to begin with.

I'm glad you like the story. I took a BIG gamble on that second chapter, speaking from Ashley's POV for most of it and sprinkling in a little bit of Leon's as well. I'm doing my best to keep them in what is in my mind, in character. Is a lot of it made up and merely speculation? Of course it is, we only know so much from lore and the games. I had thought ppl were going to hate it though, POV chatter from a character tends to piss ppl off for some reason...

2 years... yikes lol. Trust me, I'm just as disappointed as the fans of the fic are. The inspiration is there, stories that I'd like to write, one offs, au's, things that I already have started sitting in Docs, it's just finding the motivation. I've kind of lost my flow recently, IDK why. Nerve has some deep and dark subjects present in the story as well so it's a little difficult for me to write about something I've never experienced or have no experience in. It's a miracle if I can go back to the third chapter and manage to whip out a few sentences. Chapter three has been sitting in my Google Docs for quite some time, along with the other chapters or drabbles that I want included in the story. I've said it before but Leon and Ashley is always in the back of my mind, always on my mind in some form or another. Always reminded that I need to get the next chapter out. The new RE4 remake coming has really rekindled my interest, I'm really looking forward to seeing Leon and Ashley again. I'm hoping for more bonding moments, more banter, idle chatter and conversation. I about damn near cried at the second trailer reveal and game play footage. That spark is back, that nervous excitement you get in your tummy that burns (in a good way) with fluttering butterflies... I cannot wait to see them again lol.

I'm not going to guarantee when the next chapter will come out. I really have no idea. I can't write unless I'm feeling it and forcing myself to do it any other time just leaves me sitting there staring dumbfoundedly at the draft, knowing exactly what I want to say but unable to get it out into words on the screen. I guess... we'll see. I'm not giving up on it though, I refuse.

Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I'm very doubtful of myself and the stories so finding messages or comments from peeps that really enjoy the stories really reminds me that I'm too hard on myself.

To keep spirits up, I will reveal something from the fic but as always, it's always subject to change. I try to give out mini drabbles of things I'm for certain I want in the story.

Chapter 3

“Ashley?” He voices his greeting gently from above, hoping that it wouldn’t startle her. Her eyes peel open, finding Agent Kennedy standing over her in the dimly lit room. She acknowledges his being with a forced tiny smile followed by a pained whimper, the cramps from her period giving her hell. The headache had lessened but her head still throbbed, her pelvic region felt heavy with pressure and she kept sweating due to the frequent hot flashes. 

“You’re up early, graham cracker.” He says, the silly nickname making her grin as her tired eyes fall to the wall behind him. “Dumb question but you okay?”

Her throat is dry, feeling as if it would almost cave in on itself. She forces her gaze back up to his but only for a moment to shake her head no, reverting her stare back. 

“No? Do I need to get a hold of Marc?” Leon offers. Again, she shakes her head.

“No talking kind of day, huh?” 

Ashley had had a few of them and Leon had grown used to them. He knew better to bother anyone when all they wanted was to be left alone. He had experienced many days like that himself. She makes a pained expression, teetering on the edges of wince and bothered before shaking her head no again.

She sits up slightly, keeping the hot pack in place as she moves to the middle of the bed. She doesn’t ask and she doesn’t tell but only reaches her hand out for Leon’s, her fingers folding easily into his palm. She pulls for him, motioning for him to take the spot next to her. He smirks but doesn’t take it right away, the caution and hesitancy hard in his gaze. Her tired gaze grants him permission, tugging his arm forward again. He relents, taking the open spot next to her, leaving one leg to hang off the edge.

“Lay.” She mutters in her sleepy drawl and the request takes Leon by surprise.

“You’re being brave today, Ash.” He comments, watching her pat against the sheets to gesture for him to join her. Against his better judgment, he obliges and takes his spot, turning to lay back comfortably, the warmth from where she was radiating through his blazer jacket. 

Was it a good idea? Probably not. She doesn’t say anything though and neither does he, sharing their quiet moment together, the warmth of her beside him and the dim light of the room pulling at sleep strings he much longed to fall back into. He stared up at the ceiling, nothing but the sound of commercials and her breath meeting his ears. It was… nice. Peaceful.

<3

#asks #leon kennedy #ashley graham #leon x ashley #nerve #resident evil 4 #re4 ashley #ashley re4 #my writing #my fic #leon s kennedy #resident evil

[ditloe]

9/365

January 9, 2023

Woke up at a good time today (9:30). Gotta shoot for 8am though so I can feel better about myself. Kona and I went out for a walk today and I went through a different neighborhood which was nice. It was very quiet, probably because it's a Monday and people were at work. I did about 6k steps during Kona's walk and finished up the rest later in the afternoon. I saw the same lady while walking Kona who made conversation with me the other day. She had a different dog with her (neighbor's dog). I really hate small talk especially when I'm just trying to have some quiet time and peacefully walk. San Lorenzo park was actually flooded today due to the rain last night. Kona and I couldn't really go around the park because some parts were flooded. Still had a very good walk though!

I think I have lost all hope in OW. I lost about 10+ comp games today... I think I really am only good with Sartaj or with another person playing with me. With randoms it is very hard to communicate (too shy to really talk in chat). I should also practice other support characters because a lot of people can kill Mercy really easily. Chris, Mikel and I played a couple Valorant games which were fun. I was doing pretty well which boosted my morale a bit. I'll be on break from OW for a bit (especially if no one can play). I'll probably be de-ranking to Gold 1 or something because of all my losses.

My kitchen flooded today... no wonder I was smelling weird things such as sewage. The garbage disposal was also acting funky so maybe that was a warning sign. I thought I fudged up somehow when washing dishes but my parents figured out it was because the previous owners didn't properly seal off a hole. All the sewage came from that hole. Also, our kitchen sink is actually clogged so tomorrow my dad will unclog it. Really hoping the smell goes away soon... it's making me nauseous. Glad we were also able to clean the kitchen fairly quickly. There was a LOT of water. During these times, it's nice having my dad around because he's a handyman and basically fixes anything. Still doesn't make up for his attitude sometimes lol.

I am very excited to finally see Chris tomorrow after being isolated for so long! We're gonna eat really good food and just enjoy eachother's presence. I have to wear a mask still around him but I'm okay with that.

Mandy and I started talking again today. It started with an IG message from me and then we started talking about our friendship. I even told her that I was to blame because of our fallout. She went into more detail about how her and Christian are doing. I'm happg for them and truly just want to forget the past. Not really forget it but just forgive. I'm too young to be holding grudges or letting things get the best of me. I'm glad we're talking again because she really is my childhood bestfriend and has known me the longest. I'd hate to see our friendship go to waste. Hopefully we'll be able to rekindle our bond and hang out more! I want to be a good friend and maybe even a better one to all of my friends this year. I want to set some time to hang with them and really bond with them.

I also have to keep in mind my budget and how I can still spend quality time with friends without spending so damn much lol. I need a better job maybe... that'll solve all my problems. But more work sounds ew and I already can't stand driving so far to work only 2 days...

Steps: 10k

[random-child]

Enjoy some angsty Ragnvindr brother headcannons:

When Diluc quit the Knights of Favonius, he gave up his vision because he didn’t trust himself with it. Not after he almost killed Kaeya with it.

(When Kaeya gave Diluc his vision back in the vase, Diluc saw it as a sign that Kaeya forgave him).

Crepus knew of Kaeya’s origins and encouraged Kaeya to tell Diluc before he died.

(The day of Diluc’s birthday (aka the day Crepus died) was the same day Kaeya was planning on telling Diluc)

Everytime Kaeya stares at his vision for too long he flings it across the room- that vision held nothing but terrible memories for him

When Crepus adopted Kaeya, Diluc decided to grow out his hair hoping to help make his brother comfortable. Since Kaeya kept his hair long and refused to get it cut, Diluc thought Kaeya’s people grew out their hair.

However, after their falling out, Diluc cut his hair (I’d like to think that’s why manga Diluc’s hair looks a lot longer and thicker than game Diluc)

Diluc and Kaeya came to a unanimous agreement that they’d visit Crepus’s grave together on the anniversary of his death to honour the wishes of their father

When Diluc comes back from his four year journey, he hears new of Kaeya being gravely injured. Rushing to Kaeya’s house, Diluc found himself hesitating at the door. (Did he even deserve to see Kaeya anymore? No he didn’t) Instead of knocking, Diluc leaves a bottle of Death Afternoon outside the door.

When Kaeya found out the traveller was helping Diluc out with the whole ‘Darknight Hero’ situation, he felt relieved. Relieved and bitter that he wasn’t worthy to stand by Diluc’s side anymore.

Diluc would sacrifice himself for Mondstadt- Kaeya knows this and hates himself for not being able to say the same

Bonus Jean HC’s (because I can and I love her)

Jean, being childhood friends of both Diluc and Kaeya, watches the two brothers drift apart with a heavy heart

The night Diluc and Kaeya fought, Kaeya found himself in front of Jean’s door. He tried to tell Jean the truth but she stoped him. She already lost one friend that day, she refused to lose another.

(Kaeya secretly hoped Jean would listen. That her loyalty to Mondstadt would be greater than her friendship with Kaeya. That if she knew the truth, she’d finish what Diluc started)

Although neither Jean nor Diluc prefer to drink, sometimes they pop open a bottle and reminisce about life when they were kids

(And if sometimes Diluc drank a bit too much and spoke of missing his beloved little brother, Jean was always willing to lend him an ear)

Sometimes, when they know Jean is overworking herself, the brothers force Jean away from her work and take her to Windrise to unwind.

(I initially rebloged these from this post as it inspired some of these HCs, but op suggested to post them on my own blog so here they are!)

#genshin impact #diluc ragnvindr #kaeya alberich #jean gunnhildr #diluc #kaeya #ragnvindr brothers #Everytime I think of Diluc and Kaeya I cry #I personally don’t ship them just because I feel like they have such a great (albeit broken) brotherhood #I think of them a lot #and crepus ofc #I really hope that one day we can see them rekindle their bond #maybe just a snipet at the end of the game where they hug each other or smth like that #like once the twin reunit they’ll realize how stupid they were being (keeping the person they care so much about at arms length) #great now I miss the twins T^T #also can I just say #people seem to be forgetting that Jean grew up with these boys #and that she’s probably just as devestated by their broken bond as they are #honestly jean is probably able to empathize with the brothers because of her distant relationship with her own sister (barbara) #I just wish they were still a trio :(

[nerdzzone]

-More Hearts Than Mine-

Summary: Raising a child is hard. Raising a child with one of Hollywood’s biggest stars is even harder. And raising a child with one of Hollywood’s biggest stars who you’re not actually in a relationship with is even harder still.

Especially when a global pandemic is sweeping the world.

With lockdowns and stay at home orders looming on the horizon, the uncertainty of their situation becomes almost too much for Whitney Taylor to handle. Chris suggests that they quarantine together to avoid any potential separations but, given what happened the last time they spent more than a few brief moments in each other’s company, that could cause more problems than it solves…

Chris Evans x OFC

Sequel to: Once Bitten - Twice Shy

Part Two

____

Part Three

I did my best to take Scott's words to heart. It was eye-opening and, while it didn't change my concerns about how Grayson would be affected, it helped me soften my guard a little bit when it came to Chris.

We were both in over our heads, stuck with feelings that we didn't know what to do with and insecurities that left us unable to fight for what we wanted. I had doubts and I had questions, but if what Scott had divulged was true then I did have some sympathy for Chris because I knew exactly how he'd been feeling for the last few years.

So, I decided to talk to him. To hash it out, lay it all on the table and see what he had to say. I wasn't entirely sure I would change my mind about the situation, but I wanted to give him a chance to explain his thoughts and feelings unlike how I'd shut the conversation down after Christmas.

But I didn't count on how chaotic it was to be trapped in a house, all day every day, with a child who was almost three. Even with three adults, there were days when it felt like we were the ones who were outnumbered as we took turns trying to keep him constantly entertained and stimulated. To our credit, it was working and we were managing to keep Grayson from being bored, anxious to go out to a park or noticing that things were all that different, but it meant that I had no time or energy to deal with heavy conversations. Things were fine between Chris and I, we were getting along well enough with no more noteworthy disagreements, but there hadn't been a good time for any kind of heart-to-heart.

Things only got more complicated about a week and a half into our lockdown when Chris had to start doing interviews. He had a new show, Defending Jacob, coming out in a few weeks and he had to start the promo for it.

Most people who were working from home these days with small children running around had way more difficult situations to balance than we did, but we knew it would be tricky to keep Grayson from getting curious and barging into an interview. He'd proven to be quite sneaky when he wanted to be and Chris was anxious about the whole thing. He wasn't a big fan of interviews at the best of times so doing it over Zoom made him even more nervous. He spent the whole morning fretting about it being awkward, concerned that he wouldn't be able to relax and act natural, and it seemed like he was channelling his anxiety into his worries about Grayson. He very much liked to be in control of what the world saw of Gray and having him crash an interview wasn't what he wanted. I completely agreed and assured him several times that I wouldn't let that happen, but I could tell he was still stressed about it as he dragged himself off to get ready.

For the first hour or so that Chris was working, things went well. We read a story and played with some Lego, activities that wouldn't get Grayson too excited and noisy, but when Scott suggested that he curl up on the couch and watch Finding Nemo with him, we ran into a problem.

"Okay!" Grayson cheered, jumping up from where we'd been playing on the floor. "Be right back!"

He took off down the hall and I leapt into action, calling his name and stopping him just as he got to the bottom of the stairs.

"Where are you going, buddy?"

"To get my bear!"

Grayson's room was upstairs, next to Chris' office. He knew where Chris was so I knew there was a good chance he would stop by to say hello on his way past the door.

"Why don't you go get settled on the couch with Uncle Scott and I'll get your bear so you don't miss any of the movie?" I suggested. "Is he in your room?"

"No," he shook his head. "He's in Daddy's office."

I held back a groan, knowing that Gray would not be happy if I explained that he couldn't have his bear for the movie because we weren't allowed in Daddy's office right now. But I also knew that now he'd decided that he wanted to watch a movie, it wasn't likely that he would settle doing anything else either.

"Well, Daddy's very busy in his office right now," I explained. "But I'll go upstairs and see if I can sneak in and get him, okay?"

Grayson agreed to that suggestion and ran off back towards the living room as I glanced at the clock on the wall quickly and hoped that Chris was between interviews. I knew he wouldn't be done for the day just yet, but he had a few lined up so there was a chance that he wasn't currently on a call.

As soon as I pressed my ear to the door of Chris' office, my hopes were dashed. I could hear the sound of laughter echoing through from his laptop so I knew he was in the middle of something, but just as I was about to walk away I heard something that caught my attention.

"You have a son of your own, don't you?" The interviewer asked and I cringed, knowing that it wasn't something Chris liked to discuss. His character in the show was a father though so I wasn't surprised it had come up, it gave them a segue that they hadn't really had before. "How is that going with this lockdown?"

Ever the professional, Chris didn't even hesitate before he answered even though I knew he would be annoyed by the line of questioning.

"Oh, it's great! He's staying with me until all this is over so it's great that we get to spend so much time together," he told the interviewer. "I'm lucky enough to be in a situation where I can just take a few months off until things cool down without too much worry so we've just been relaxing, building blanket forts, watching movies and getting in some bonding time that I miss out on when I'm busy. It's had some challenges, but it's been really nice."

I knew I shouldn't be listening, it was rude to eavesdrop even if the conversation would shortly be broadcast to the whole world, but again, the interviewer's next question had me too intrigued to walk away. Despite all the talking points that he could have chosen from Chris' answer, he zeroed in on one thing.

"He's staying with you for the entire lockdown? Is there a rekindled romance we don't know about?" He asked. "Or is his mother no longer in the picture?"

My jaw dropped. I didn't know who Chris was talking with today, but it wasn't like his team to set him up for any interviews where he would be asked questions like that and most interviewers were too polite to fish for the kind of gossip you'd find in a trashy magazine.

"Oh, I'm not gonna get into all that." Chris' tone was much more clipped than it had been moments before - he was clearly not impressed by the question either. "It's not anyone's business really, is it? But I will say that she is definitely in the picture and one of the best moms that I know. She's staying here with us too."

My heart melted a bit at his compliment even though I knew the words he added at the end meant that we were in for a whole new gossip storm.

It suddenly felt like I really was overstepping by standing at the door listening to this conversation without his knowledge so I headed back downstairs. As I got back into the living room, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sent a message to Chris:

It would appear that you have a stowaway. I know you're busy, but please return Mr. Bear at your earliest convenience.

I put my phone away as I explained the situation to Grayson, but luckily, he was too interested in the movie to pay much attention to what I'd said. By the time Chris came down with the bear, it was like he'd forgotten that he ever cared about it in the first place.

Most of my attention was on Chris at that point though. The way he scurried into the room, avoiding looking in my direction at all. He looked ashamed and withdrawn and I couldn't hold back a sigh when he left the room quickly as I knew that he was beating himself up over the conversation that he didn't even know I'd heard.

-

Chris was sullen for the rest of the day. He perked up around Grayson, but whenever Gray was distracted there was a scowl or a frown firmly planted on his face. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know how without confessing that I'd overheard his interview. Given his mood and the ease with which we fell into disagreements these days, that seemed like it would cause more issues than it would help.

The news broke at about eleven that night and I knew because I was suddenly inundated with texts from friends and with follower requests on my private social media accounts. I pulled up the video and watched the interview, feeling another wave of empathy when I saw the annoyance written all over Chris' face as he answered the questions. He'd found a subtle way to shut the interview down almost immediately after the incident and I was proud of him for handling it so diplomatically.

I added it to the list of things that I needed to talk to Chris about whenever I got the chance as I pulled myself away from my laptop and headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth before bed. However, when I got into the hallway, I noticed a light coming up from downstairs. As far as I knew, everyone had gone to bed almost an hour ago, but I had a good idea whose thoughts would be keeping them awake so I headed down to investigate.

My suspicions were confirmed as I walked into the living room and saw Chris on the couch, his phone in his hand and his brow furrowed.

"Uh oh," I started, making his eyes snap up towards me. "Are you doomscrolling?"

The angry look on his face softened slightly as he raised an eyebrow at me.

"Doomscrolling?"

"Yeah," I shrugged with a smile. "That's what the kids call it these days when you spend too long scrolling through the news or Twitter, just soaking in all the bad shit in the world."

Chris chuckled as I moved into the room and sat on the opposite end of the couch that he was on, tucking my feet underneath me.

"I didn't know you were so down with the kids these days."

"I'm getting old, Chris. I'm almost thirty-two, I have to stay cool somehow." I shot him a wink. "But anyway, what are you reading that's making you look so grumpy?"

Chris sighed and locked his phone, putting it on the end table next to the couch.

"I said something in an interview today," he admitted. "Something that I shouldn't have said."

I watched him for a moment, waiting for him to look at me and elaborate, but when he didn't, I spoke up.

"I hope you're not about to tell me that you regret saying what a good mom I am or I'll be really disappointed..."

That comment brought Chris' gaze back to me, his shock evident on his face until it faded into a grimace.

"You heard what I said?"

"I watched the video," I admitted. "I had a flurry of Instagram activity that tipped me off."

"You didn't read the comments, did you?"

There was worry written all over Chris' face when I shrugged.

"Of course I did. Can't have my self-esteem getting too high, can we?" I was teasing, but his look of gloom only deepened. "Chris, it doesn't matter. I'm no supermodel, they're not saying anything I don't already know."

"See, this is what bothers me," Chris snapped. "My so-called 'fans' are out there spewing all this crap about you and you're acting like it's all true, so who cares? Well, I care because it's bullshit and you don't deserve it!"

"I didn't mean it like that," I assured him, keeping my voice quiet in an attempt to cool the situation.

We'd been here many times over the years and I knew how enraged the comments made Chris. He saw right through me, he knew that I took some of the things that had been said to heart, but who wouldn't? It's hard not to take it personally when someone points out your biggest insecurities, the things that you hope no one else notices, the things that you tell yourself can't possibly be true or as bad as you think in your head. It's impossible not to let it get to you a little bit, but I was well practiced at dealing with it and had grown a thicker skin.

At least, when it came to the comments about my appearance. The comments about how I'm not good enough and how Chris could do better always struck a cord, but it was nothing I couldn't handle.

"No?" Chris huffed. "What did you mean then?"

"That I know I'm an easy target because I'm not stick thin with a boob job," I answered, wanting to diffuse the situation before Chris got too upset. "They're cruel and mean, but they're just jealous because they think their dream boyfriend is taken now."

"Well, anyone who claims to be a real fan of mine wouldn't talk like that about someone I care about," he grumbled. "I shouldn't have answered, I should have just ignored the question."

"Actually, I'm glad you didn't. I'm glad you set the record straight rather than have everyone think I've abandoned my child. I would probably get even more hate for that."

"He shouldn't have even asked about it," Chris continued. "It was so out of line. Why can't people just mind their own business?"

"Because everyone adores you and has a burning desire to know everything about you," I teased, stretching my feet out to nudge his leg gently. His lips twitched briefly into a smile, but it faded as fast as it appeared. "Even my friends were all messaging me, asking if it was true like gossiping teenage girls. Everyone wants the Chris Evans scoop."

That comment earned me a chuckle and I relaxed slightly, hoping that he was starting to calm down.

"I'm sure your friends were more interested in the gossip about your life, not because of me."

"I dunno," I shrugged. "They always liked you."

Chris smiled, but a sigh slipped from his lips as he draped his arm over my feet where they rested on the couch next to him. We sat quietly for a moment as I continued watching him, wishing there was something I could say to ease the worry in his mind, but his next words left me a little bit speechless.

"I do get it, you know?" He said, his eyes still fixed firmly on the ground in front of him. "I get why you wouldn't want to be with me. I get that it's a lot to deal with."

My heart sank at his admission and I scrambled to figure out what to say.

It wasn't ideal - discussing our relationship, while he was already feeling quite murderous - but he'd brought it up and it was hard to say when we'd get another chance. Once again, I found myself fighting the urge to bolt for the door, but I swallowed hard and took a deep breath, hoping that this would be a civil conversation.

"Chris, it's not that," I insisted, my voice soft in what I hoped would be a soothing tone. "Maybe they didn't do anything to ease my concerns, but the bullies on the internet aren't what scared me away."

"No?" His eyes flicked up to meet mine. "Then what did?"

He sounded so defeated and I bit my lip to keep my emotions from bubbling up. The truth was that I didn't know where to start. There was too much floating around my head, too many questions and too many explanations that made less sense now that I knew what I knew after speaking with Scott. I was scared, but it was a very justified fear that could only be made sense of by answering his question with another question.

"Why didn't you tell me that you were in love with me?"

Chris raised an eyebrow, but shrugged off the question.

"You didn't seem like you wanted to hear it, Whitney. I told you that I was all in after Christmas and you shut me down pretty fast," he pointed out. "I didn't think blurting out a confession of love would do much to change that."

Had that been what I was referring to, it would have been a fair argument. However, I was referring to long before our latest incident so I shook my head.

"I talked to Scott," I confessed as a slight look of betrayal slid onto Chris’ face. "Don't be mad, he'd had a few drinks and was feeling sentimental. He told me that you were in love with me long before Grayson was even in the picture, but you never told me."

"I slept with you, didn't I?" He questioned, a defensiveness creeping into his tone. "Doesn't that make someone's feelings pretty fuckin' clear?"

"Hardly," I scoffed. "People sleep with people they're not in love with all the time and it becomes even less clear when they meet up afterwards to have a discussion about their relationship and that someone makes no mention of being in love."

"Was it really a discussion? Or did I show up at your apartment just to hear you lay out the ground rules?"

I faltered slightly as I thought back, but after a moment of reflection, I nodded.

"It was a discussion."

"I believe the first words out of your mouth were 'I think we both know that we're better off as friends'," he informed me. "Doesn't leave much room for debate."

"I was scared." That confession came out less confidently, but I found my voice again quickly. "And I assumed that's what you wanted too because you never pushed back."

He cocked his head to the side, a hint of a smirk on his face.

"You weren't the only one who was scared."

"I was the only one who was pregnant," I retorted, my tone growing harsher as my frustrations started to rise. "I was the only one who was trying to make a massive life decision while hormonal and growing another human being inside of them."

"That's fair," Chris nodded, his voice much calmer than I expected after my burst of annoyance. "But I wasn't about to pour my heart out and tell you how I felt when you kept talking about what a mistake we'd made as if you'd never regretted anything more in your life."

"Getting pregnant was a mistake," I clarified. "I love Grayson and I wouldn't change it for anything, but we can't say it wasn't a mistake at the time given our situation."

"A situation that you didn't want to change."

"Only because you never told me how you felt," I shot back. "I didn't want you to commit to something out of a sense of obligation. I didn't want you to put up with me for a few years until you dumped me for someone more in your league who you actually cared about."

There was a look of surprise on Chris' face at that revelation as it became more and more obvious to both of us that we hadn't been as good at communicating as we may have thought. It seemed we'd both been so convinced that we knew exactly how the other person felt that we hadn't bothered to actually ask them.

"But I did care about you," he assured me. "And you never told me how you felt either."

"I slept with you, didn't I?"

There was a smirk on my face as I threw his words back at him despite the anxiety that was bubbling inside me.

"A wise woman just informed me that sleeping with someone doesn't necessarily mean anything," he teased, a soft smile on his face. "But I think it's safe to say that we were both cowards."

"Again, in my defence, I was pregnant," I reminded him. "I was trying to make a logical decision while my brain was muddled with hormones."

"But you could have told me after," he pointed out. "We lived together for year after he was born, Whitney, and you never even dropped a hint."

"Oh, please," I snorted out a harsh laugh. "Do you remember what that year was like? We had a newborn baby who never slept for more than ten minutes at a time and you were flying in and out for the first six months, filming one of the Avengers movies. I was delirious, exhausted and emotionally wrecked. I wasn't in the right head space to give much thought to our relationship."

"So, if I had made a move back then? Would it have made a difference?" He asked. "Because it didn't seem to matter much a few months ago."

This was the real issue at hand.

It was all well and good to talk about the past and how we'd managed to come this far so oblivious to each other's feelings, but the real discussion was where we were at now. And the truth was, that I didn't know.

I opened my mouth to answer, but shut it as my words escaped me. I shifted nervously, shrugging under his stare until a sigh fell from my lips.

"I'm not sure anymore," I admitted. "If you'd told me how you felt back then, if you fought for us to be together then I might've been swayed."

"But now?"

"Now, I think we made the right decision for Grayson."

Chris was still staring me down, his eyes locked on mine as if he was looking into my soul. It was an intensity that was hard to endure and I was relieved when he spoke again, despite how his words made my heart ache.

"But what about the right decision for us?"

"That's not what's important," I insisted. "I've seen so many of my friends struggle through their parents' bitter divorces, I don't want that for Gray. I don't want us to lose our ability to work as a team and put him first."

"Yeah, you mentioned that several times," Chris huffed. "But I don't see why you're so fuckin' convinced that we'd end up hating each other."

His frustration and impatience was shining through and I felt my panic rising again. Chris had made his stance clear and I knew I needed to make a decision soon or my lack of decision would decide for me, but I felt like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. The thought of not being with Chris made my heart ache especially now that I knew the extent of his feelings, but the thought of being with him and the consequences that could come from that set every anxious nerve in my body on edge.

I found myself scrambling for something to say that was non-committal, but would placate the situation. I floundered until, fortunately, a tiny voice from the doorway saved me.

"Daddy said a bad word..."

I leapt off the couch, desperate for any excuse to get away and Chris raised his eyebrow at my swift reaction. I ignored him as I looked at Grayson, who was rubbing his eyes with one hand and clutching his bear in the other. He looked so small, standing there in his little flannel pajamas and I smiled at the sight.

"That is a bad word," I agreed. "Daddy shouldn't have said it. But what are you doing up?"

"I had a bad dream."

His voice was small as he was still half asleep and Chris stood, following me over as I walked towards him.

"I'm sorry to hear that, buddy," he said, lifting him up in his arms. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," Grayson shook his head. "It was scary."

"Awe, I'm sorry, sweetheart," I frowned as I rubbed his back, my heart melting at how small he looked in Chris' arms. "Do you want me to tuck you back in or Daddy?"

He rested his head on Chris' chest and pulled his bear so close that his answer got muffled by the stuffed animal's fur.

"I want to sleep in Daddy's bed..."

I looked up at Chris, letting him decide if that was okay, but he was already nodding his head.

"Sure, we can do that," he assured him. "But don't hog all the blankets this time, okay?"

Grayson giggled and I smiled as they headed to the door.

"Goodnight, boys," I called to them before they disappeared. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight." Chris paused to answer me and flashed me a look that made me feel like a schoolgirl being scolded by the principal. "This conversation isn't over."

It felt like a foreboding warning and it left me so flustered that all I could do was nod before he turned and continued on his way to his bedroom.

He was right.

Our conversation couldn't end there unless we wanted another four years of miscommunication and mutual longing, but I didn't know what to do. I wasn't trying to be difficult, but both options seemed destined to lead to heartache. Of course, I had no evidence to prove that we wouldn't live happily ever after, but he was Chris Evans. He was the man that women all over America, all over the world, would kill to be with. And I was just me. Once I fell off whatever pedestal he'd put me on in his mind and he realized how ordinary and unremarkable I was, it wouldn't last.

And I couldn't spend the rest of my life waiting for the other shoe to drop.

With a sigh, I headed to the stairs. My head was a mess despite my hopes that talking to Chris would bring me some clarity. It seemed I was starting a pattern of coming away from late night conversations with more questions than answers, but I was beginning to think that might be due to the fact that I would never be told what I wanted to hear. No one could make this decision for me and no one could make it a fool proof choice.

There was always a risk when it came to love. I just had to decide if that risk was worth it and start being honest with myself about why I was so scared. Were my intentions really as noble as I wanted everyone to believe? Or was I using Grayson as a shield to protect my own heart from pain as much as his?

-

Part Four

Tags:  @maggotzombie @moonlacebeam @mizzzpink @zaylaugh @flowery-mess @flowerjewels @njrronaldo7 @hockeychick10

#chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fic #chris evans fanfic #more hearts than mine

[jkrobertson]

as both a ulquihime and ichihime shipper, what do you like about both ships?

This is probably way more than you asked for, but here you go: As a preface: I watched the anime for the first time in the early 2010s, binging it until it ended in 2012, then set the series down until I picked up the manga around the beginning of 2016. During that time, I was not involved in the fandom AT ALL. When episode 3 came out and Orihime and Ichigo saved Sora’s soul, I decided I wanted them to be together. Then things changed. Ulquiorra captured my attention, and the Orihime was spending all her time with him, and I could see it. I could see it and I didn’t hate it. Ulquiorra was terrifying and seemingly unstoppable, but he was hot. I couldn’t hate the idea of him and Orihime together. But then, the protagonist came back and somehow asspulled himself back to life and Ulquiorra died, and with him, any idea of Orihime and him becoming more. So I regrouped and cheered for Ichihime and was elated when the epilogue came out.

But I never, ever, forgot about Ulquiorra.

When the final arc was starting to wind down, I decided that where canon ended was never going to be enough of the Bleach universe for me, so I started dipping my toes into the fandom. In the beginning, I alternated between which of these ships was my OTP. There was a time when I liked both ships equally. There was a long time after chapter 686 came out when I was still all about getting more Ichihime.

But I still couldn’t forget Ulquiorra.

These days, I like Ulquihime more, largely in part because it was never and will never be resolved. That open end is fuel for my imagination, whereas Ichihime has their happy ending. I can be satisfied with that, even though I never got a comprehensive story.

Now, to FINALLY get to your ask, what do I like about both ships:

Ichihime

General:

The canon OTP

The looks. The softness in their gazes when they look at each other. The fire in his eyes when he resolves to protect her. The adoration in her eyes when he makes a good decision.

The way they worry about each other.

The way Ichigo can relax and be the sweet, loving boy around her that he was with Masaki before her death stole his innocence. The way that Orihime is inspired to invest in herself and learn how to be strong enough to be an asset to him instead of a liability; to meet him at his level, instead of bringing him down to hers. Their bond is not performative. It is quiet, slow building, and strong. It feels healthy and organic and it makes me comfortable.

They are also physically and aesthetically compatible. To put it in animal husbandry terms, they make a good breeding pair. To put it in more pleasant terms, they are a good-looking couple. I want them to make the sweet, sweet love, and it doesn’t take a lot of imagination to consider the possibilities.

Although they are not as dynamic as other ships, I don’t find them dull. I think they are the opposite of dull, really. He thinks she is wonderful and mysterious and a good confidant and source of moral support, but he also thinks she is funny and they share taste in manga. She thinks he is cool and hilarious and worthy of admiration. They stick up for each other and gently tease each other. I prefer this kind of dynamic to a confrontational, bickering, competitive one between lovers. I have had both kinds of relationships IRL, and I would not wish the bantering one upmanship type on my worst enemy. I find it exhausting, demoralizing, and abusive. Give me a more soft spoken kind of love any day of the week.

The fandom:

The passion in the pre-canon days that went into analyzing the interactions between the characters - there were a lot of excellent arguments presented that helped me feel validated in shipping them before Kubo gave the ultimate validation.

There are a lot of really good ichihime fics (been a long time since I read one - now that ichihime is canon I don’t have to wonder about what could have been and just be satisfied by what is) and a fair amount of super cute artwork.

Ulquihime

General:

The other canon OTP/my favorite OTP

IT IS TABOO, NEED WE SAY MORE? Lol jk

THE AESTHETIC - monster/cinnamon roll; black/auburn; pure princess/devil; maiden/mercenary - all high drama/high beauty archetypes

THE CHEMISTRY IS FIRE - while it never even comes close to anything as obvious as flirtation, the body language between them - the proximity, the posturing, the way he stands between her and any rival for her attention, the way she drops her guard and makes her body vulnerable to his despite being aware of the danger… It’s like watching a tango. The tension between them is always strung tight and delicious. Also, it is projection on my part here, but Ulquiorra isn’t interested in anything, ever, EXCEPT ORIHIME. Who wouldn’t want hot goth daddy’s full attention? Especially a fair maiden who has, for all intents and purposes, thrown away her old life in a noble sacrifice and has made peace with that, who finds herself in a strange, hostile new world with only said hot goth daddy (HGD) to talk to and tend to her needs. If she were to stay in that situation, I can only imagine the ways she might adapt to make her life more tolerable, including, but not limited to, experimenting with HGD and fantasizing about him.

THE LITERARY TROPES - I really don’t need to say more here, do I?

The huge effect they had on each other - people often take lifetimes to learn the deep lessons they taught each other in a short time.

THE WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEENS - The tragedy of Ulquiorra’s potential redemption and Orihime’s potential alternative destiny being lost to the sands of Hueco Mundo is both sorrowful and poetic as hell.

The unending What ifs that can be explored with these two is inspiring, which leads me to...

The fandom:

THE ART!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG THE ART!!! THE FICSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! Overall it’s sexier in this ship in regards to art and fics.

The community is small but just happy to still be alive, and is overall really lovely.

To sum up, there is a lot to love about both ships. Ichihime is a lovely, hopeful ship that has fulfilled its destiny. Ulquihime is a darker, enthralling ship that is ripe for the fandom to rekindle and ignite. Ichihime is Dvorak’s New World Symphony: Largo, and Ulquihime is Vivaldi’s Four Seasons: Winter. Both are good. Both have substance. They are different flavors, different timbres, different themes, and I love them both (but obviously one a little more than the other).

#asks #jkrobertson school of thought #ulquihime #ichihime

[heartbreaker-16]

Not Childhood Friends

shut up and listen bitches cuz I’m about to rant

You know what has annoyed me for a long time now? The fact that Serena is considered to be Satoshi’s childhood friend when that could be further from the truth. I might be considered an anti-amourshipper for saying this when I actually just really annoyed with this one small part. For starters: What are childhood friends? According to Merriam Webster a childhood friend is a “friend that a person had when both of them were children.” By this definition alone, Serena is not to be considered Satoshi’s childhood friend. Let me explain. 

We all know the story of how Satoshi and Serena met. Serena lost in the forest, got hurt, Satoshi found her, helped her, and she fell for this kid that helped her. It is your standard cute childhood meet story. 

( sorry in advance for the low quality images )

Sweet right? As much as this is a cute backstory for them, this interaction was only significant enough for Serena to remember Satoshi. Satoshi did not remember her at all and in his memory she was only named “the girl with the straw hat” (my own word don’t come out for me) Just looking at that small backstory, you can see how short the interaction was. Seriously at most they would have only known each other for half an hour before Satoshi would leave and continue on with his day as if nothing had happened. Sure the memory of helping a nameless girl alone in the forest sounds interesting but that's just a memory. Think of it this way, as kids we would go to the park to play (y’know before the internet took over our lives) with random kids. We might not always remember who we played with as long as it was someone who was fun.

This might sound biased but I remember I once played with this girl at the park. I only remember her specifically because she helped me dig an underground tunnel in the sand. I don’t remember her name or face but I do remember that girl specifically. I saw her that one day and then I never saw her again. I remember her but that doesn’t mean I know her. This is the same for Satoshi. He met that girl, helped her, and that was it.

If a childhood friend is someone that was your friend when you were children then that random girl I met many years ago should be considered my childhood friend if I ever see her again because we met as kids. That’s not how it works, people. When Serena and Satoshi meet again that is when their friendship actually starts. It is possible you could say that Serena and Satoshi are childhood friends because they clearly remember each other when I only remember that girl but she might not remember me. Listen, almost all childhood friends have known each other for at least more than 24 hours, Serena and Satoshi don’t even scratch the surface with that. Like I previously mentioned at most they would have known each other for an hour max. Let me give you a real example of kids meeting at a young age, actually wanting to know about each other, and even calling themselves friends all in less than 24 hours of knowing each other. They haven't known each other that long but their interaction with one another left an impact on both of their lives. That’s right, I’m talking about Gou and Tokio.

Let’s rewind a bit. We might not know when Serena and Satoshi met, but we definitely know when Gou and Tokio met. At the tender age of 7 one year after Gou met Mew. To summaries: Gou and Tokio met when Gou’s parents decided to take a break from work and travel to Johto. There Gou befriended Tokio and pair a close bond. They promise to meet each other the next day only for Tokio to not show up. Gou is left with a broken trust and is deeply impacted by Tokio abandonment. Turns out Tokio got sick the next day and couldn’t meet up with Gou. Tokio kept returning to the forest in hope of making up with Gou because he feels guilty about that day. Eventually they reunite years later and rekindle their friendship. Whoo that was long. As you can clearly see there is already a lot more here between Gou and Tokio than Satoshi and Serena combined. First and foremost, Gou and Tokio remember each other's names because they knew each other for more than a couple minutes. I know that Satoshi and Serena only got a flashback while Gou and Tokio got an entire episode dedicated to them but even then it seems that flashback of Serena and Satoshi is the only interaction they ever had of each other prior to the XY anime. Seriously if Serena and Satoshi meeting as children was important than more memories of interaction with even the smallest ones would be enough. It wasn’t as important to Satoshi as much as it was to Serena (again he didn’t know her name unlike she did). Because Gou and Tokio have known each other a bit longer, they got to learn about each other a little bit more. Tokio learned that Gou liked to show off his pokemon knowledge while Gou learned that Tokio wanted to meet the mythical pokemon Celebi. 

They even have a cute moment together when looking at the stars at night together. Imo at least it was easily 1000X cuter than Serena and Satoshi’s cute childhood meet. 

And when Gou doesn’t see Tokio the next day after promising to met him that really hurt Gou a lot. 

Even Tokio feels guilty for this that he tries to find Celebi just so that he could go back in time and keep his promise with Gou. 

They made a deep impact with each other and it was clear that they also cared for one another. 

Yes they might have only known each other for less than 24 hours but they have more connection, chemistry, and bond with one another than Serena and Satoshi ever could. I don’t particularly call Gou and Tokio childhood friends but I definitely say that those two boys are more actual friends than the strangers that Serena and Satoshi were. Actually, stranger is a more fitting title for Serena and Satoshi meeting each other as kids compared to Gou and Tokio who identified each other as friends.

Look, this is just my opinion on the term childhood friend concerning Serena and Satoshi. This isn’t to attack Amourshipping or the shipper, rather it’s more about me being annoyed with people calling them childhood friends when really they are not. Characters I actual childhood friends would be Gou and Koharu / Dawn and Kenny as they have known each other since they were small children. 

Hell, even Satoshi and Shigeru are even more childhood friends (well more like childhood rivals) than Serena and Satoshi. 

#Whatever it’s not like anyone will listen to my opinion anyways #Could honestly say more about this topic later #buuuuuut it’s late I got school tomorrow :/ #anipoke #pokeani #trainer serena #tokio #gou #ash ketchum #satoshi #childhood friends #rant #don't take it too seriously #not a shipping post

[jenomark]

➔Pairing: Haechan x Reader (Female)  ➔Other Members/ Characters: -.- ➔Genre: Fluff ➔Warnings: Angst | Mentions of death | Cursing ➔Word count: 6,865

➔Summary: He was always yours, even before you wrote a book about him, even before he disappeared from your life after high school, and even before he broke his promise. 

➔Request: can I request a drabble of haechan friends to lovers? 🥺

➔ I hope you don’t mind that I turned this into a longer story that is more on the fluff side. I felt really inspired to do so. Thanks for sending in the request! 💚

You

  You hated school. Not because you weren’t serious about your studies. You liked the subjects well enough. You liked eating lunch at a table, a little package of apple slices, and a chocolate milk that always tasted like the carton it was in. You liked hanging up your coat in the coat closet, little rain droplets dripping on the wooden floor when the weather was bad. You liked your teachers and how they would encourage your love of reading. You liked all the things to like except one: school hours meant time away from him.

  Him. He pulled your hair sometimes when he was bored. You cried once, your mother saying something sexist about how he must like you. Your father never paid attention, just kept watching the television. You wondered if all boys were that stupid. He also made fun of the way your nose would wiggle when you talked. He had a smart comment for everything. He thought he was smarter than you, even. There weren't many nice things to say right off the top of your head, but you loved him anyway.

 During the school year, the school hours especially, you never talked to him. He was off parading around with his squad of friends, each one more pigheaded than the last. They’d act like they didn’t care about school in the schoolyard, but all of them got decent grades. Sometimes they would pick on others boys, the principal telling others that that’s just what boys did. Sometimes he would raise his hand in class and answer the right question, and even though you sat next to each other in class, he’d never look at you. 

  Your school life was a little different. You were off spending time hovering by doorways, wishing the days would end until you could see him again. You looked at him from the corner of your eye, a question of whether you truly knew him or not always on your tongue. You didn’t spend time pretending other people were your friends, because your best friend had always been him.

  After school felt like a different time zone. Neither of you took your time with homework. You would rush, a telltale sign being poorly erased letters and crumpled papers shoved into bookbags. Usually, he would walk to your house and meet you in the tent in the backyard, talking long before he reached the entrance. He always talked about his day as if you weren’t in it. He liked to talk a lot.

“I don’t want to hear it.” you would say. “I don’t know why you’re friends with those people.”

 You were both at an age where you were figuring stuff out. You fought a lot, with him storming out of your backyard tent and walking home, and you resisting the urge to follow him. There was always a phone call from his concerned mother, eased by your own mother reassuring her that you’d both work out your differences soon. You’d been best friends since you were even younger, clinging to each other only when other people weren’t looking. It was too late to make a clean break.

 Summers were your favorite because you had him all to yourself. At that age, you weren’t aware that keeping him was holding him back from other things. You were all too happy to lounge on a beach with him, watching him get stuck in the sand and laughing at him until your stomach hurt. To you, it was the purest form of love. 

 Time made things weird, as it does. The summers you used to love started fading out. He no longer came on family trips. Instead, he went to summer camps with other thirteen-year-old boys. He would come back boasting about being taught to shave his face by the older kids, and then he would show you his new skills. Even though you were disinterested, you always watched him intensely, thinking that if he let you in to this one valuable piece of information, he would open the door to the rest. He never did.

  Gradually, after-school hangouts were taken away from you, too. Your father’s only contribution to any conversation was to say that your best friend would be more interested in girls now. Even as your parents left you alone, the words of  “But I’m a girl!” leaving your lips until the last light was shut off, you never really understood what it meant. In fact, it wasn’t until he flirted with someone else in front of your face that you got the hint. You were a girl, but he never thought of you that way. And he would rather spend his time after school walking to someone else’s house.

 None of that was as bad as high school was. Up until then, you’d been clutching at straws to make the friendship what it once was. You made the tent bigger to accommodate his growing frame. You offered to pay for movies if he’d come alone, and you would even sit through the boring ones just for him. On the rare chance that you’d guilt trip him into staying a little longer with you, it was enough to keep you enduring. When high school truly hit, the studying took up most of your time. The scraps that were left were spent having family time, or visiting schools your mother wanted you to attend after high school.

 Though he no longer ignored you in school, things had gotten harder. He was dating often, sweeping girls off their feet with his wild, charming sense of humor. It was hard for them not to get jealous of you. Though you weren’t around much, the bond you both shared was obvious to everyone who watched the pair of you together. He never really wanted to choose between his childhood best friend and someone he was seeing, but the choice was always very apparent to you. 

“Maybe you should date, too,” he had said.

  You shut it down quickly, appalled that he would even suggest a thing. When you realized your dismissal must have hurt his feelings, you backtracked.

“Do you have anyone in mind?” you asked.

 His smile made you feel like you were on top of the world. Of course he had someone to introduce to you. Thus, the double date was born. You could tag along with him and his girlfriend, with a friend of his you eventually started dating. It wasn’t the most ideal situation, but it had rekindled something in your friendship you didn’t know you’d been missing.

 He had even come around to your house more. You came home from a study group one time to see him in your childhood tent, his long legs sticking out of it. He bent his body forward, holding up a bag of snacks you recognized.

“You still sit in here?” he asked.

You sat down next to him, the plastic of the tent hitting you in the forehead. “When I need to think.”

“You have a brain?”

“Funny.” you said. “Why are you here?”

  He got a far away look in his eyes, like he did whenever he was truly going to say something stupid. There were times he spoke philosophically, because deep down, he was never the stupid little boy you said he was.

“Life is moving too fast,” he said. “Remember when we were kids and it moved so slow? I would suffer waiting for summer.”

“I remember it vividly.” you said. “Are you feeling nostalgic?”

  He ate some of the snacks, offering you some. When you didn’t take it, he pulled on your hair a little bit. It pulled you to wherever he was at, back in time to when things felt much easier than they were. High school was ending, and you were all walking down different paths, none of them leading back to this tent.

“I want you to promise me something.” he said. “After high school, I want us to always be best friends. This last year has made me realize how much I missed you.”

 You wanted to tell him how much you missed him, to take his hand and hold it in yours. There was something in you that couldn’t do it. You just kept chewing, waiting for him to keep talking. 

“Let’s promise to call each other at least once a day when we’re adults.” he said, getting this excited look in his eyes. He felt more like the real Haechan right then than he ever had in the past five years.

“Promise.” you said, holding out your pinky and getting ready to kiss your thumb.

  Haechan linked his pinky with yours, his thumb connecting to your thumb. You leaned down to kiss it at the same time, your faces coming closer to each other than they had in a long time.

  Sadly, after high school, the promise was never kept. The image of him walking away from your backyard was the last time you saw him in any place you called home.

                                                          ~♡~

  You held the phone away from your ear because it was too hot. In your other hand, you held a cold, strawberry smoothie, the condensation dripping down your fingers. The sidewalks were busy, so it was tricky trying to weave in and out of the people, all while holding an unfinished manuscript for the next book you were writing. Years of dodging kids in school hallways made you a pro. As you were about to collide with a delivery man, you spun around gracefully and avoided disaster. After taking a sip of smoothie, you brought the phone closer to your ear.

“Do people still do book signings for physical copies?” you asked. “I thought everything was about selfies now. I definitely don’t look good with the flash on.”

“Of course.” your agent told you over the phone. “I don’t think anyone over the age of existence does. How old are you?”

“Twenty-four.” you said.

 Your agent on the other end sighed. “You’re too young to be worried about any of this. I’ll book you for the signing and people will come, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

 You wanted to rattle off all the reasons you were freaking out over it, but you were in public. You took another sip of smoothie and looked at the manuscript tucked against your body. Twenty-four and published, with your book rising in the charts, and a second book underway. You shouldn’t be so scared to have human interactions with strangers who enjoy your work, and yet...

“Okay.” you said, closing your eyes for a moment.” Okay, you can do it. I don’t know why I get like this. Seriously, you’re the best.”

“I know. I know.” your agent said. “Take a bath and relax. Call me later.”

  You hung up and threw your phone in the deep recesses of your bag. Your one hand was wet, and you didn’t want it touching the papers, so you tucked them deeper against your body and kept on walking.

                                                        ~♡~

“A book signing. Can you believe it?” you said into the phone. There was no answer on the other end, not even a little static. You walked a little slower on the sidewalk, letting the outside world disappear from your vision. You took a deep breath. “I sold so many copies, mom. I know you would be proud of me.”

  The message ended with a beep. You left the phone on your ear and stopped walking. You stood still, wondering if one day calling your mother and leaving messages on her old cell phone would eventually make you feel better. She died shortly after you graduated from high school, and the phone number was the only part of her still kept alive. You called it whenever you felt a little lost, or on days when you had exciting news to share.

  Feeling a tightness in your chest, you turned off your phone and dropped it into your bag. You were almost home, but you felt like you weren’t ready to face your apartment again. You found it so funny that your professional life was so full and booked, but your personal life was so hollow and empty.

  You turned away, thinking that you could retrace your steps and find yourself on a street with a cafe still open. You would gladly sit at that table and write, watching strangers living their lives, each one stuffed to the brim of character. Men that tried hitting on women who were disinterested, the click-clacking of their heels walking away from potential danger. Mothers with their children, each child holding a mushy, spit-covered ice cream cone. There was always someone who didn’t belong in the crowd, someone your eyes glossed over, and someone who brought up memories of someone you used to know. It was your favorite pastime: watching people who weren’t watching you. You smiled at the thought of getting to live those many lives, when you remembered that there was always a writing deadline to attend to.

  Another time, you thought, before taking the remaining steps to your apartment and looking through the darkened glass front door. Maybe you would take up your agent's suggestion of taking a bath.

 Feeling a little more jolly, you walked up the steps and let yourself in. You stopped to check your mailbox (empty), stopped to check your phone messages one last time (also empty), and lastly, checked your surroundings. When you were sure no one was around, you walked up the steps, feeling tired both mentally and physically. When you reached the top of the hallway, you stopped.

“Haechan.” you said, his name too quiet for him to hear.

   Sitting outside your door, a hood over his head, sat the boy who used to pull on your ponytail. Only now, the figure in all-black clothes, a little 5 o’clock shadow on his face, the one that looked up at you like he didn’t recognize you, pulled at your heartstrings. 

                                                           ~♡~

  You liked to remember Haechan often, especially considering the main character of your book was written with him in mind. Well, you changed his name in the book and made him a lot cooler, but the core of him was the same. Both men were the epicenter of your whole world, even though one of them had left years ago. 

 Looking at him sitting on your floor transported you back in time. Briefly, your mind tried to convince yourself that you were seeing a ghost from the past. But, when he got up from the floor, approaching you cautiously, and he paused for a second before reaching out his arms to hug you, your fingertips knew what your brain didn’t: he was real.

  “Why are you here?” you blurted, pulling away from him, your body regretful that you had let him go.

“I don’t get a hello?” he asked.

  You raised your eyebrows, the surprise on your face real. You were struggling with words, which annoyed you as a writer. All you could do was look at his face and how much it had changed over the last few years. He was a man now. He was a little taller, and the baby fat on his cheeks was gone. He still couldn’t dress right, and the old confidence faded, but he was still as handsome as ever. When he smiled to show that he was joking, you couldn’t stop looking at his teeth.

“How did you find out where I live?” you asked.

“Your dad.” he said.

 Haechan didn’t so much as give his apologies for missing your mother’s funeral, and he had the good graces not to bring her up at all. You felt grateful, saving the pain of both things for another time. 

“I don’t talk to him much anymore.” you said. “He only comes by to give me old things he thinks I want.”

  Not knowing what to do with the piece of information, Haechan shoved his hands into his pockets. You hated how awkward it felt being in front of him. The silence outside of your apartment was magnified by your deep breathing. 

“Are you here because of my book?” you asked.

Puzzled, Haechan blinked. “Book? I didn’t read your book.”

  You adjusted your bag in your hands and thought of something to say. Before you could speak, Haechan motioned to the bag he brought sitting in front of your apartment door. You looked at it, the big black boulder holding no significance to you.

“I was actually just passing through town. I was wondering if you could let me stay a night.” he said.

Him

  He said he hated the apples, even though they were his favorite fruit. He put them on your lunch tray when you weren’t looking, because if you’d seen him do it, you would have made a fuss. Then, he’d get up from your table and go back to wherever his other friends were, because that was what was expected of him. But his eyes always went back to your table to make sure you were eating well, and he would try his best to remember the way you’d smile when you looked down and saw what he had left behind.

 He hated school. It was full of adults who tried to change him. Laugh a little less, they said. Don’t be a clown. Don’t make too much trouble. There was never any room for dreamers or troublemakers, never any kind of future for those who didn’t have plans by the time they were pulled from the womb. Behave and listen. Listen and learn, or we’ll call your parents. He had heard it all by the time he was thirteen, and he hated every bit of it.

 Not you, though. You never tried to change him. You let him go on his way, even though he knew you felt like he was abandoning you. You were the only person he trusted most days, and in the tent in your backyard, he had felt most like himself. 

“I don’t want to hear it.” you had said once. You were angry, he could see it in the way you tried not to say what you wanted to say. “I don’t know why you’re friends with those people.”

 He hadn’t known, either. They liked the way he made them laugh, and he liked the attention they gave him. They were different, in the way that they didn’t remind him that friendships were temporary, that everyone you know might someday disappear. He was terrified of that, of the idea that good things didn’t last.

“Are you jealous?” he asked.

 He wanted the words to sting. He knew you were jealous, and he knew you would never admit to it. He would have been jealous, too, if the roles were reversed. He wanted nothing more than for you to admit that you cared about him, that you loved him, or to rouse any kind of feeling in you at all. Those words spawned a fight that made it hard for either of you to bounce back from. He pulled and picked at you until you were deteriorating in front of his eyes. Choice words were said, and though the wounds healed as you both grew older, neither of you really forgot the beginning of the end.

 Summer came and went, time never slowing down for anybody. The hatred  burning in his heart subsided as he grew into himself more, though he never really learned how to savor the moments as they happened. He was always reaching for more, stuffing his greedy face full of anything that could keep him content.

   His phone calls to you melted down to just one call per week. He didn’t stop by the tent as much, didn’t ask to catch up on homework. He was drifting through school, using the passage of time to measure the length of girls legs, and how they’d move in his direction any time he smiled.

“Maybe you should date, too,” he had said.

 His bright idea didn’t rub off on you. You didn’t smile, didn’t look at him the excited way he looked at you. When you shut it down so quickly, he wondered if your rejection had something to do with him. He was trying really hard to keep your friendship alive, even catching up in the hallways before class to make sure you were taking care of yourself.

“Do you have anyone in mind?” you asked, a simple smile appearing and disappearing before he could blink.

 Introducing you to one of his friends, in hindsight, wasn’t the best idea. He’d had better, but he could hardly take it back. You looked happy when his friend's attention was on you. You were radiant. And it was the perfect set-up. You both could double date and spend time together, just like the old days, even making both of your dates uncomfortable by how close of a bond you had together.

  When the jealousy arrived in a perfect little handbasket, he was sure it was payback for treating you differently, as he was getting to know himself more. He burned whenever he saw you with the other boy, whenever you reached out for his hand, your lips quivering for a kiss. He would stay up late at night in a restless fit, his mind taking turns convincing himself that you were losing your virginity every waking moment. 

 “You’re spending a lot of time at my house.” you had said to him on more than one occasion. 

“Do you mind?” he asked. “I can go home, if you want.”

“No.” you said quickly, your eyes sparkling.

 He wanted to kiss you then. It was a fleeting , special moment, and it hovered in the air between you both from that moment forward. He thought maybe he was imagining it, but he had been close to many girls, and no one looked at him the way you did.

 Sitting in your tent, his legs stretched out of it because he was too big, he thought back to every time you made his heart do backflips in his chest. Ever since you were small, he had feelings for you. In fact, his parents used to joke that the two of you would end up together one day, maybe have a wedding in the backyard,  your inside jokes written into your vows.

 Hearing leaves crunching underfoot, he sat up.  “You still sit in this thing?” he asked.

You sat down next to him, the plastic of the tent hitting you in the forehead. “When I need to think.”

“You have a brain?”

“Funny.” you said. “Why are you here?”

 He wasn’t sure why. He had been taking a walk and found himself there, his feet knowing exactly where to go. He had been thinking too hard about life after high school, and about what kind of man he wanted to be.

“Life is moving too fast,” he said. “Remember when we were kids and it moved so slow? I would suffer waiting for summer.”

“I remember it vividly.” you said. “Are you feeling nostalgic?”

  He ate some of the snacks, offering you some. When you didn’t take it, he pulled on your hair a little bit. Getting you to eat properly was important to him. If he wasn’t around to remind you to take care of yourself, how would you survive the rest of life without him?

“I want you to promise me something.” he said. “After high school, I want us to always be best friends. This last year has made me realize how much I missed you.”

 When he felt like he was going to cry, he shoved more food into his face. He was watching you out of the corner of his eye, wondering if he should continue. When you remained quiet, he began again.

“Let’s promise to call each other at least once a day when we’re adults.” he said, getting this excited look in his eyes. He felt more like the real Haechan right then than he ever had in the past five years.

“Promise.” you said, holding out your pinky and getting ready to kiss your thumb.

  Haechan linked his pinky with yours, his thumb connecting to your thumb. You leaned down to kiss it at the same time, your faces coming closer to each other than they had in a long time. It would be so easy to seal the deal with a real kiss, one that had been years in the making. But he didn’t, and neither did you.

“I have to go.” he said, getting to his feet. “You’re going to keep your promise, right?”

“Have I ever broken a promise to you?” you asked.

                                                       ~♡~ 

  He was raised not to comment on the state of other people’s homes, good or not. Looking around yours, he wanted so badly to tell you how well you were doing for yourself, and how proud of you he was. He looked around, his fingers itching to touch the pretty ceramic birds on an end table, to run a fingertip on a dustless counter and hold it up to the light. 

“You can put your bag down over here.” you said, motioning to a spot beside the couch. “My couch isn’t much, but it is comfortable.”

 You were a little awkward, your eyes unable to connect with his. He could see your mind waiting to defend yourself against the little jabs old Haechan would have made about your space. When he didn’t, you didn’t let your shoulders relax. He moved further inside your apartment, and to your confusion, he said it was a nice place, and that he would be happy to sleep wherever. 

 Compared to your nerves, he was quite calm. He felt like he had walked into a time machine and transported himself into the backyard again. It was like nothing had changed at all. You still looked the same, with nicer clothes that looked more expensive than the average persons. It looked like you went to the hair salon to ask for an “adult” haircut, but your baby face made it hard to take you seriously. 

“Are you hungry?” he asked.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” 

Haechan shrugged. “Sure.”

  When you didn’t ask if he was hungry, Haechan made himself comfortable on the couch. You sat on an opposite chair, folding your hands in your lap. You kept looking around the room nervously, as if you were scared to be alone with a stranger. It hurt him a little bit, but he was mature enough to let it slide.

“Thank you for letting me stay.” he said.

“It’s fine.”

Haechan sighed. “This is much harder than I thought it would be.”

“What is?” you asked, touching your fingers to your neck.

He shook his head. “Nothing.”

  You got up from your chair as if you’d been electrocuted. “I forgot I need to make a phone call. I will be right back. Don’t touch anything.” 

  Haechan watched you as you grabbed your bag and left the room. Never one to keep still, an old habit that never died, he got up and looked around. He came across the room you entered and saw that the door was ajar. He didn’t listen to the conversation, just grabbed little pieces of it regarding a book signing to take place the next day.

“So soon?” he heard you ask the person on the other end of the phone.

 Haechan walked away, his attention set on the fireplace. On top of it sat a bunch of picture frames, one of which he was in. Haechan stared at it for a long time, his eyes tracing the outline of the little boy he used to be. In the picture, the two of you were hanging onto each other. You were maybe eight years old, ice cream running down your chin, and a blissful ignorance only a child can carry on your sweet face.

 He didn’t know where things had gone wrong. The two of you should have been friends forever. It just made sense. He reached out to touch his fingers to the photo but reeled back when he saw your face in the reflection.

“My mother took that photo.” you said, appearing behind him.

He nodded. “I remember.” 

 The air was heavy. He wanted to apologize for not going to her funeral. He had been out of the country during that time, but he should have called you. He could have written a letter, he could have done anything else but ignore it. 

“I was scared.” Haechan said, the words surprising himself.

You held up a hand, as if you didn’t want to talk about it, but Haechan continued, “I loved her, too.”

 You turned your back and went into the kitchen. Quietly, Haechan followed. He wasn’t going to bring it up anymore. He sensed your sadness because it brewed in his chest, too. He sat on a stool as you got yourself a cup and poured cold water from a pitcher into it. 

“How was your trip?” you asked, your voice shaky.” Are you still traveling?”

 Since he left high school, Haechan felt aimless. He needed to explore the world in an attempt to further his education surrounding himself. He had traveled to many countries and met many people that changed him. Disappearing was never the plan, but it was addicting to not have phone calls, or to adhere to schedules. 

“I’m seeing where it goes.” he said. 

  You took a sip of water and never stopped looking at him. When you were done, you placed it on the counter. “I guess I should ask the million dollar question.”

Haechan leaned back in his stool, “Hit me with what you got.”

“Why are you here?” you asked.

“I didn’t want to pay for a hotel.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I’m not a liar.”

“Haechan, I’ve known you all my life.” you said. “Lying is your calling.”

“I wanted to see you.”

You inhaled and exhaled slowly. “Stop lying to me.”

“I’m not lying.” he said. “I’ve never lied to you.”

  The bitterness was morphing your face. He could tell you were thinking back to the promise, about how broken it had made you. After he left, he heard from his parents that you called his house often to ask where he had gone. You wrote him letters that were undelivered. You nearly followed him halfway across the world until your mother got sick. 

“Okay.” he said. “It wasn’t a lie when I made that promise. I had every intention of being with you until we were old and wrinkly.”

“Please.” you said. “You knew what you were going to do before you did it. You booked the plane ticket two weeks in advance. You were with me at graduation. You kissed me.”

  He remembered the kiss well. He had thought about it often on his travels, remembering the way your velvety lips felt, and how he never wanted to stop kissing you. The kiss made sense. It was the one thing time had every permission to slow down. 

“I know.” he said.

  He kissed you. You didn’t kiss him. He was happy about graduating. He was riding the high of the plane ticket, of the unknown waiting for him. He was scared it was the last chance he had to show you his feelings. When you kissed him back and it felt so good, he was then scared that he would never have the guts to leave. 

  You continued speaking, each word obliterating his thoughts, “ You want to think going away was just some spontaneous thrill, Haechan, but it fucking wasn’t. You could have told me it was what you wanted. I would have understood. You didn’t have to leave without saying goodbye. You didn’t have to-”

 You couldn’t say the words, so he finished them for you. “-leave. I know. I’m sorry. This isn’t an excuse, but I...didn’t want to lose you.”

  The words felt stupid as soon as he said them. You held your hand up to your head and said you had a headache. Haechan took the time to excuse himself and use the bathroom, locking himself away to figure out what he really thought was going to happen when he showed up at your door to get you back.

You 

  You collapsed onto your couch. The last hour felt like a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings. You were older and more equipped to handle confrontation, but there was something about seeing Haechan that made you want to curl in your mother’s lap like a child. You bit down on your thumb and thought of the ways you could ask him to leave your private space. There was a hotel down the street that was relatively cheap. 

  You looked at the photo on the fireplace. The little boy staring back at you had no idea one day he would break your heart into a million pieces. He was still a little unsure of himself, his smile unknowingly gearing up to be mischievous in a few years time. You thought of the grown man in the bathroom, and how the years had passed, but he still felt the same. A part of you wanted to pinch his cheek and wrap your arms around him like you would when you were young. An even bigger part of you wanted to kiss him to see if the feelings still lingered, even though you already knew the answer to that.

  Moving your foot, you accidentally nudged his backpack. You looked down at it. It was worn in places, with band buttons adorning the front. One of the zippers was open and the edge of something was sticking out. You looked at your closed bathroom door and back to the backpack before gathering up your courage and unzipping it slowly. 

  Digging your hand inside, you pulled out a corner of his underwear. With a quick “Ew”, you shoved it back inside. Your knuckle touched against something hard. You wrapped your hand around it and unearthed it to see that it was your book. You pulled it out even more and audibly gasped. 

“You liar.” you whispered.

 Hearing the toilet flush, you panicked and pulled the book all the way out and shoved it underneath your couch pillow. Quickly, you zipped his backpack and sat back, crossing one leg over the other. When Haechan came out, he hardly looked at you.

“Coming here was a bad idea,” he said. “I don’t know what I expected.”

You stood up. “Wait.”

  Haechan didn’t hear you. He grabbed his bag and threw it over his shoulder. You could see that his face was wet where he had thrown water on it. He didn’t make eye contact with you, just waved his hand and apologized for being an inconvenience. 

“Leaving again?” you said.

  Haechan stopped moving. He turned back. “I thought about you every day I was gone. Every day. And every day, my next thought was that I didn’t deserve you.”

 You didn’t know what to say, so you said nothing at all. For a beat or two, you both stared, your eyes searching each other's. You could see every age of Haechan since you’d known him on his face, from the adorable child to the handsome adult. 

  You let Haechan leave this time. He closed the door with a soft click, his presence feeling like a fever dream. Mindlessly, you sat back down on your couch, and only remembered the book still laying there after some time.

 You took your book and placed it on your lap. It was so worn that some of the pages were slipping out of the binding. You opened it carefully and flipped through the pages, the margins filled up with black pen ink. Haechan had written down his input on most pages with things like:

Am I really like this? There is no way this guy is cooler than me.

You know? You’re actually kind of funny. 

Your mother was better than us all.

  You closed the book with a snap and felt the tears falling. You put your head down and tried to feel everything all at once.

                                                         ~♡~

  Your agent walked next to you, her stride slowing to match yours. She didn’t outright say you looked like shit, though it was the truth. Your eyes were a little red, your cheeks were puffy, and you kept itching your neck all throughout the night until there were red scratch marks all on your skin.

 She held open the door to the bookstore “Are you nervous?”

“Am I nervous?” you asked. “I’m shitting myself. I don’t think anyone is going to show up, but with my life, I’m pretty sure I can deal with the embarrassment.”

 Your agent rattled on and on about how special you were to people. She dragged you throughout the two story bookstore, pulling you harder when you tried stalling. You mostly blocked out her words to save your sanity. You didn’t love when people tried buttering you up.

“Just over in this section.” she said. “It starts in twenty minutes, so don’t expect many people right away.”

  When you both turned the corner, there was a sizable line leading up to a table stacked with new books. When the people saw you, they gawked. Some clapped, which made your face turn as hot as your neck. 

“I can’t do this.” you whispered.

  Your agent directed you to a chair, holding you down by your shoulders, so you wouldn’t run away. You took a sip of cold water sitting by your side.

“They’re all here for you.” she said. “Smile and try to be happy.”

“I’ll try.” you said, but when someone smiled at you in front of the line, you felt yourself returning a genuine smile.

 Twenty minutes passed by faster than you wished. When the first person approached the table, you tried to remember your school teachers who believed in you. You recalled all the people who inspired your stories, making a mental bid to thank them for making the first signing so sweet. 

“I really love how you write.” someone had said. Hearing those words made you feel touched. You tried your hardest not to tear up, signing your sloppy signature as best you could.

“Thank you.” you said, the gratitude you felt hopefully being translated well.

  You signed for a long time, the line growing and growing as time passed. Some people came with their own dog-eared books, others with fresh copies. They asked what your upcoming book was about, which made you excited to finish writing it. 

“There isn’t a set ending quite yet, but I’m writing like crazy!” you said.

  You looked down at a book before you and smiled, your fingers touching the pages softly. You signed it and handed it back, giving the fan a smile that reached your eyes. When your eyes locked with his, you felt the world move. Staring back at you was Haechan.

“I would have given you my own copy to sign.” he said. “But I seem to have misplaced it.”

 There was a knowing smile on his face that made you feel flushed all over. He took the signed book back and tucked it underneath his arm. Since yesterday, he looked freshly showered in a similar black t-shirt and jeans. His hair was carefully laid flat on his head like he cared what he looked like in public. He looked handsome, and his cheeks were definitely not puffy.

“Why didn’t you just tell me you read the book?” you asked. 

“You and I both know I don’t make the best choices.” he said. 

  You smiled faintly. There was pain in the smile he returned. You wanted so badly to reach across the table and smooth away the lines on his forehead.

“I know this isn’t the best place.” he said, turning around to look at the line behind him. “But I came here to tell you the truth of why I was outside of your door yesterday.”

“Okay.” you said, your attention no longer on those people.

Haechan continued. “You see, I’m not traveling anymore. “

“You’re not?” you asked. “Then, what are you doing?”

“I’m coming home.”  

 You didn’t know what he expected of you, but he looked a little deflated when you held out your hand. He looked at the book under his arm and back at your hand, his smile unsure. He took the book out and placed it gently into the palm of your hand. You placed the book back onto the table and opened to the space where you had signed your name.

“I’m not going to ask for promises anymore.” you said. “I’ve always asked you for too much. For now, I would just like to tell you something.”

In the book, just below your name, you signed “I love you, Haechan.”

  Before you could even close the book, Haechan came around the table and brought you into a big hug that certainly felt like home. 

#haechan #donghyuck #lee donghyuck #lee haechan #nct #nct 127 #nct dream #haechan fluff #haechan fanfiction #donghyuck fluff #donghyuck fanfiction #nct haechan #nct fluff #nct fanfiction

[voltrinityub]

Kel has Anxiety & Trust Issues (HC)

So, I had originally posted this headcanon on my twitter a few days ago and I’ve been thinking about it since. It’s a HC where I basically see Kel as having serious trust and anxiety issues during and after the event of the game. I’ll elaborate more below.

🛑 Slight Omori Spoilers ahead!

Kel would have anxiety & trust issues after the events of Mari’s death.

Since each of the main 5 coped differently and changed as a result of Mari’s death, this left Kel alone and at the discretion of others (and himself.)

In addition to being bullied by Aubrey’s gang and being the less favored brother in his family (since it’s evident and pointed out in the game that Kel’s family cares more about Hero than they do him), this left him in a lonely state.

We know from the game that he tries to stay active and positive with others, taking the form of helping them and be there for them despite not being able to read the room at times. Kel also tried his best to encourage his friends and be a positive influence for them.

Additionally, Kel also is friendly and likes to talk to people. He can easily make friends or start a conversation if needed but it is never more than casual conversation; nothing deeper.

This is likely just a façade on his part; a front he puts up for others (and himself).

After Mari’s death and drifting apart from the others, Kel didn’t really have anyone to rely on or anyone he could probably trust. (Granted, he was a kid and still wanted to help his friends but didn’t know how to. So he decided to stay positive and do what he can)

His parents weren’t reliable. Hero was close to him but became more closed-off. Aubrey found other friends and push everyone away. Basil started to act “weird” and avoided them. And sunny shut himself inside… Kel had no one to turn to.

So Kel took it upon himself to keep stay entertained and as happy as he can be, likely pushing down his true feelings and silently learning to be surface-leveled with everyone or else “what if they leave me and I get hurt?”

As a result of these forms of neglect and trauma, Kel moved on by keeping himself happy and active with playing sports and whatever else teenagers do. But despite all of this, deep down Kel still wanted to rekindle those connections he once had.

This went on for about 4 years during the game. Kel obviously matured and his insecurities and anxieties likely became more apparent to him, now being unable to trust or get close to anyone because “what if they hate me?” Or “what if they leave me again?”

This would also make Kel act more dismissive with people, not trying to get too deep or personal with them as a defense mechanism.

When he finally saw Sunny again after all those years, he was excited and happy about it. But the idea of likely rekindling those bonds again would be a scary thought for him, especially with Sunny moving away and even more so after they learn about The Truth. (This HC would extend past the events of the game but I’m only keeping it within the timeline for this post)

Due to everything Kel has experienced and learned, I like to HC that he has anxiety and trust issues with people since everyone left one another and coped their own ways after Mari’s death. He would have an irrational fear of getting close to people and then possibly leaving or hurting him again.

The poor kid really wants to be close to people and make friends and have fun, but likely stops himself from doing so.

We can also interpret Kel interacting with strangers and not being too personal with them or others as a result of his trauma and defense mechanism.

TL;DR

As a result of Mari’s death and all of his friends moving on and coping in their own ways, and in addition to emotional neglect from his friends and family, Kel would become more surface-level with others and have anxiety and trust issue about getting close to people. He would have a fear of others possibly hating him or leaving him.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far. Please see my original twitter post because it’s shorter and simpler 😂

I kinda made this in the spur of the moment but I hope you understand what I’m saying! I love Omori, and Kel is my favorite character, but he usually gets put off from the rest of the main gang. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this HC and let me know what you think! 😊

#Omori #Omori 2020 #Omori game #omori headcanons #Omori headcanon #Omori kel #Kel omori #Omori kel headcanon #my hcs #Omori textpost #Omori spoilers #omori sunny #Omori sunny #Omori hero #Omori basil #Omori aubrey #Omori mari #Mari omori #basil omori #hero omori #sunny omori #omori theory

[imaginationjunkie]

Say the word

Jason Todd x Reader

It’s kinda heartwarming

I tried to control my fast breaths, lifting my head from the crook of Jason’s neck to give him a lazy kiss. Deliriousness coursed through our veins, minds hazy from the aftermath bliss of an intimate climax.

Being apart for weeks for his mission and my conference clearly had one gigantic perk- the mad intense I-missed-you-so-fucking-much sex.

It doesn’t matter if it was the first or the thousandth time, the feeling of his body against mine never failed to weaken my limbs to mush and warm my heart, like it’s soup being heated up on a stove.

A smile split my lips as I tried lifting my naked body up from his chest, and failing. The thick, muscular arms that were tightly wrapped around my waist stopped me from doing so. It made me smile wider and lean down to put my lips on Jason’s.

“You know you’re gonna have to stop doing that right?” I murmured, running my fingers through his dark raven locks. A chaste kiss was placed on my cheek by his smirking lips.

“Hmm? Doing what?”

I leaned down so that our bare chests pressed against each other, lips hovering over his. My whisper was naughty as I answered him.

“Why should I? We both seem to like it so very much,” Jason nuzzled his nose against mine with a mischievous smirk.

“Because if by any chance I get preggers before marriage, my parents will chase you to the ends of the earth and decapitate the crap out of you,” I whispered jokingly, but meant every word. “And then after they’re done with you, they’ll feed me to the demons.”

My ever-so-daring boyfriend’s reply was to lowly chuckle and simply kiss my shoulder. 

Affection came naturally to us now, especially since Jason had been touch starved practically since birth. The first few months of our relationship, I had to have a mental debate every time before touching him; how far I should go with the cuddling, to hold his hand or not, put my legs on his body while cuddling or not...

Unlike his brother Dick, who much to Jason’s irritation loved pulling me into a tight hug every time we met, Jason just wasn’t the affectionate type.

After a few months, I understood how badly he needed to be touched- to be loved, to be comforted. When he got the message that it’s okay to hold me as much as he wants, that there’s finally someone he can lose himself in, someone he can love, he found a way to touch me every spare moment we spent together. Kissing my neck, nuzzling his nose, holding my hips, putting his large hand on the small of my back or around my waist, constantly lifting me onto his lap- the list’s never ending.

“I’m serious, a child out of wedlock is beyond just a sinful taboo in my family,” I booped his nose, leaning my forearms on his chest to hold my upper body up.

Jason pretended to be lost in thought for a while before suddenly rolling our bodies over to our sides, the ridges and sinewy muscles of his defined chest flush against my back. He tucked the messy portion of my hair out of the way before kissing from my neck up to the back of my ear. 

“Well since marriage is out of the question, I’ve no option than to not make my pull out game weak,” his tongue darted out to lick my ear teasingly.

Ignoring the pang that hit my heart at his statement about marriage, I turned to swat his chest teasingly. My lips were unable to hold back a grin at his reference to WAP .

“What? You’re the one who keeps dancing to it every morning,” Jason grinned back at me.

“It’s 4 am, we should sleep,” I shook my head at him, turning to face forward again. Jason and my shared bedroom turned dark as he flicked the dim bedside lamp off, making the glow of moonlight our only source of light.

The warmth from having his arms encased around me brought a serene feeling, making me think about how impossible it’d be to live without Jason Todd. 

“I love you,” he murmured against my neck.

My eyes closed shut, senses overwhelmed with the depth of my feelings.

“I love you,” I whispered back.

I had an amazing life- loving and supporting, albeit sometimes overbearing, parents, a great job, a pretty apartment, and a man I’m certain I’d love and be loved by for the rest of my life. For the entirety of my existence, I’ve had the one thing Jason never did- stability. 

But when it’s meant to be, it’ll always be. 

God, fate or whatever higher force is up there looking over us made sure to let our souls find each other. Cherish each other. 

I knew Jason’s views on marriage and children. It was hard enough for him to indulge himself with something as normal as a committed relationship, that too for two and a half years; but it’d actually be impossible for him to be a husband, a father. He didn’t have a basic job in the least, and thus didn’t think tying the knot and being a family man would be suitable for him. 

Ever since I was a little girl, one of the things I’ve wanted greatly was to be married to the man I loved someday. But for Jason I could give it up. I could give up the hopes of having a ring on my finger and a baby on my belly, because he means more to me than anything ever will.

¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡ ¡

*2 months later, New Year’s eve night at the Wayne Manor backyard*

“Damian, those aren’t fireworks, they’re explosives!”

At my alarmed exclaim, Dick quickly snatched the big box from his younger brother’s hands, waddling his finger as if to say ‘no no’.

“They’re fireworks,”  Jason assured from behind. “The kid and I labelled it explosives so Dick doesn’t steal it,”

Dick’s face scrunched up in confusion, “”Why would I steal your fireworks? I’ve better things to do for fu-”

“Miss, the barbecue is ready. Would you like to add the last bit of sauce on top?” The always-polite and everyone’s favorite Alfred smartly interrupted Dick from saying the curse word.

Every time I practically forced my boyfriend, his brothers and father into having a family night, Alfred let me help with the food; and since I suck beyond words at cooking, he always gave me the easy tasks to do.

Now if you’re thinking that prevented me from considering myself as the world’s second Martha Stewart, you’re wrong.

I clapped my hands together in delight, “I’d love to!”

“No she wouldn’t,” Jason, Dick and Tim said at the same time.

I turned to them, perplexed at their concurrent interference. 

Taking note of the unusual shiftiness in the boys’ stances, I raised a brow- “And why is that?”

Out of the three suspicious-looking brothers, Dick replied- “Because there’s only 20 minutes till midnight and you have to help us set the fireworks off!”

Now both my eyebrows rose, and I crossed my arms against my chest.

“So you’re telling me,” I said in slow amusement, dragging the words sarcastically. “That three of the strongest night vigilantes of Gotham, one being a violent nutcase once,” a look was thrown in Jason’s direction, “Needs an ordinary girl to set off fireworks?”

This time Tim responded, “Well you see, we’ve never set them off. None of us has ever had the chance to have a normal new years with fireworks and a countdown,”

“Really?” I deadpanned, voice turning into a shrill by the end of the question, “So have I been planning and working my ass off every new year’s for the past three years to make robots happy?”

Tim realized his mistake, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head before trying to redeem himself. “But we’ve never had a family new years, y’know, with the barbecue and fireworks,”

“Also, you’re nowhere near ordinary,” Jason added in a low voice as he came to stand behind me and kissed my temple. I rolled my eyes at the cheesiness, wrapping an arm around the middle of both the boys’ backs.

Right then Damian piped in, surprising everyone. “Plus you’re not a girl, you’re a woman,” he emphasized on the last word, making Jason scoff with a smirk and everyone else laugh.

It didn’t take long for me to grow on Damian, making him accept and like me. From what I heard from his brothers and Alfred, he didn’t like most people and never went easy on newcomers. I was especially concerned about getting Jason’s family to like me, since he didn’t have much of a good relationship with them and I wanted to change that. In the end everyone ended up accepting me; and gradually even treating me as one of their own. Dick and I were practically best friends.

Despite what he used to say, I knew Jason loved them all like they were his own blood; so I knew that it meant a great deal to him to rekindle his relationships with them.

Bruce Wayne’s voice spoke for the first time that evening, “Good evening, my apologies for the delay,”

An awkward silence took over our so-far cozy night. All of the boys looked other directions, not acknowledging their dad who never bothered to show up to any family days on time. I tried my best to knit the boys together, help them get close and create a bond; and saying that I succeeded wouldn’t be a lie. But the fact that Bruce couldn’t even take one day off from his billionaire/ vigilante duties sort of upset me every time.

Jason scoffed, his mouth opening to say something undoubtedly snarky to his father. But before he had the chance to I stepped on his shoe and gripped his hand tightly, silencing him.

“It’s okay Bruce, at least you made it,” I smiled.

The excruciatingly tense atmosphere was cracked by Dick, “I still need help with the fireworks, anyone up for it?”

“I’ll come!” I was quick to squeak and walk towards him.

“Me too,” Damian grumbled, following me.

Tim was the last one. “Yeah, me as well.”

“Great, so you guys do the fireworks and Jaybird and I will be right back!” Dick clapped his hands together in perky delight, pushing Jason’s back forward as they walked into the manor. From the distance, I saw Jason shrug Dick’s hand off before glaring at him. Again, confusion filled me at their strange behavior tonight.

“What was that about?” I asked Tim.

He smiled, “Nothing, probably just vigilante stuff.”

As the minutes passed by, the new year came nearer and nearer. The three of us successfully managed to set off the first batch of fireworks, looking up at the sky and laughing freely. Even Bruce had a small smile as he took a sip of his drink, looking up and the lit up sky with a hand in his pocket.

When it was about 10 minutes to the clock ticking 12:00 am, worry started to cloud the excitement I was feeling; but Tim and Damian were quick to distract it.

“Now can we do the grand purple one?” Damian gave me a rare pleading look.

“Yeah we can, but where’re Jason and Dick? They’re gonna miss new year’s,” I voiced my concern. 

Right then, my phone started ringing. 

Incoming video call from mom.

I answered, knowing that my parents were calling to say Happy New Year like they did every year. What rendered me surprised after receiving the call was that almost my entire family was on the frame of my mom’ video- two of my aunts, uncles and all the cousins I’m close to. Which are a lot.

I’m a family person, if you couldn’t tell already.

“Hi baby!” My mom grinned.

I grinned back, glee taking over the initial confusion.“Hey y’all! Are you having a New Years party without me?”

One of my younger cousins replied, “Sort of, now show us!”

My brows furrowed, “Show you what?”

A string of ‘oh shit’s sounded from mom’s side, further increasing my confusion.

Out of the blue, Dick intervened from behind me, “The fireworks of course!”

A sudden bang! took us all by surprise, and I looked up to see the huge purple fireworks lighting the dark canvas of the sky up. A wide grin split my lips, along with all the other boys as they whooped at the different shades of purple. It happened to be my favorite color. 

I felt the familiar warmth of Jason’s body against my back before hearing or seeing him. The digital clock on the top corner of my phone read 11:55 pm. Not being able to contain my excitement, I subconsciously shoved my phone to Tim, who was beside me, while my family was still on video. I raised a hand to point at the sky.

“Jay look, it’s all so purple!”

And then something happened. Something I wouldn’t even dream of imagining.

Jason’s larger hand rose to the level of mine, which was still pointing up at the sky. He spread my fingers out so that my hand was displayed open. I turned to look at my boyfriend, not quite understanding his intentions.

His eyes were trained on mine, a golden and purple reflection from the fireworks and balcony lights visible on the glossy blue orbs. 

Our eyes stayed on each other’s as I felt something cold graze the top of my ring finger.

In the background I heard Dick harshly whisper, “Tim, the song!”

I wasn’t dumb. I knew what my boyfriend was holding on top of that finger.

Jason’s lips were an inch away from my ear as he spoke clearly, not a hint of hesitation in his voice, “Just say the word, and I’ll put a ring on you.” 

I couldn’t even look at it as I tried to get over the giant bucket of emotions that was thrown over me. Shock, flabbergast, sheer happiness, disbelief, excitement, a rush of adrenaline. My heart threatened to beat the crap out of my chest.

“Jason,” I whispered, my eyes fluttering shut as he put his chin on my shoulder, inches from mine. “What. Are. You. Doing??”

He bit his lip, smiling before cryptically answering. “I love you.”

“I thought you didn’t want to get married?” I questioned again. “Do you think I’m pregnant? Are you doing this cause-?” my voice was breathy.

Jason smirked, his unoccupied arm going round me from behind to rest on the other side of my waist. “No baby, I don’t. The twenty something negative pregnancy sticks on the bathroom trash sort of made it clear that you aren’t pregnant.”

I couldn’t hold back my own grin from his teasing. For the first time, I turned my head to look at our hands. The sky was phenomenal in the background of them, a swirl of blue, red and purple as Damian and Dick continued setting the fireworks off. Tim was holding my phone up to where Jason and I were standing, undoubtedly showing the scene to my family. Now I knew why they were all gathered together to call me.

“You asked my parents?”

Jay rubbed his nose on my cheek, his smart-assery coming to action as he quoted my words from that night two months ago- “Of course, wouldn’t wanna be chased to the end of the earth and be decapitated the crap out of now, would I?”

The boys all had blinding bright and hopeful grins on their faces; even Damian! Alfred’s expression could only be described with one adjective- delight, and Bruce had an odd smile as he saw the straight-out-of-a-movie scene unfold.

I turned my head to the side to look at Jason again, grin faltering to a small smile.

This time nervousness coated his expression and words as he asked once again, “Will you marry me?“

I heard my mom speak through the phone, “Oh come on, stop torturing the poor boy! Answer already!“

Taking a deep breath, I leaned my head even closer to Jason’s. His blue eyes pierced into mine with their intensity, and my lips touched his as I said the word softly. 

“Yes.”

#Jason Todd #jason todd x reader #red hood #red hood x reader #jason todd x y/n #jason todd x you #dc multiverse #jason todd fluff #jason todd sweet #Tim Drake #damian wayne #dick grayson #bruce wayne #batfam #batfamily #batfamily x reader #batfamily x you #robin #robin hood #love #sweet #new years #engagement #fiance #fluff

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Request: A Child’s Imagination (Female!Reader x Aro Volturi)

WARNING: Character death mentions!

"What do you think? A boy or a girl?" You asked, trailing your fingers over the small bump that was your stomach, leaning back in your seat for better access. Aro leaned against the arm of the seat, smiling fondly at your stomach. "I can't say I know, Cara Mia." "Come on!" You pressed with a playful smile. "Pick one. You'll love them just as much either way." "I am inclined to say a son for reasons I was raised with that are significantly unnecessary and outdated as of this time. Although a daughter would be just as lovely." You smiled lovingly at Aro. "You'd spoil her rotten, you spoiled the twins after all." Aro smirked. "Isn't every child spoiled after several centuries of gifts?" You paused. "That's true. Although you know exactly what I'm talking about. I think that if our baby were to be a girl or a boy. You'd spoil them just as you did the twins." You said. "It's not always a bad thing." Aro smiled slightly. "And your answer, my dear?" You hummed. "A girl. I can only imagine all the battles i’d lose if it were you and our son against me. The men of our large family." You grinned and Aro chuckled. "We only do what's best." He responded before kissing the top of his head. "What would you name them?" You asked him, in sudden deep thought. "Aro, please don't tell me you're going to insist we name our baby some name that's older than dinosaurs." Your eyes widened in dread. "I need to be able to say the name!" Aro chuckled. "Well why don't you give me a name and we'll compare?" You paused. "Nate for a boy? Aiden?" "No, it looks like I'll be naming our son because those names are terrible. For a girl?" You hummed. "Charlotte? Evelyn? I'm trying to go a bit more classic for you." You giggled. "Those two are...decent." Aro said with no enthusiasm. "Meaning you aren't too fond of those either." You laughed. "Alright, what about you then? Girl and boy names." "Cleisthenes-" "I'm sorry, what?" Your tracing stopped as an incredulous look moved across your face. "I don't even know how to say what you just said never mind spell that." "It means Glory and Strength. See names in my era actually had meaning." Aro smiled slyly. "So does my era." You laughed. "We just care less about the meaning and more about if we can spell it and if we can say it. Pick again." You continued to giggle as Aro rolled his eyes. "Heliodoros." You said nothing but pressed him further. "Two girl names?" "Artemisia or... Eumelia." Aro responded. "...It appears we'll be having a lot of discussions for baby names." You giggled to yourself. 

Somehow the two of you made a deal. If a girl, you'd choose two baby names that the two of you would pick which was preferred. The same going if the baby was a boy. Then Aro would pick two names for you both to reach a decision on. When the birth arrived, the baby was a boy and Aro made the decision alone on the boys name. However it wasn't the two names he had first said. "Archelaus." Aro had told his brothers. "The people's ruler'." Caius responded with an eyebrow raised. He seemed almost impressed. "How fitting." Marcus drawled.

"Aro, it's time. You need to decide." Caius said as he hovered over you. Aro tore his eyes away from the baby, yet to be cleaned, but bundled in a towel. He looked at his son momentarily, a flash of doubt in his eyes. Yet he said nothing. Caius stared Aro down as Aro looked at you. You were seconds away from your heart stopping altogether. 

Finally Aro shook his head. Caius nodded and Aro left the room, with his newborn son in his arms. There was a sickening crack as Caius mumbled to a guard about ensuring you wouldn't suffer any longer. It was as of Caius considered that a gift. Your heart stopped and perhaps by coincidence, your son began to cry in Aro's arms. "Mio figlio." Aro cooed in a soft voice. "Everything is alright." 

Aro moved into the next room, Renata already waiting for Aro's next instruction, as always. She had always been the most rigid of the Volturi and in a constant state of internal stress whilst her face appeared void of emotion. Then again, that's what made her a good guard and one Aro trusted with his life. She was constantly on the look out for danger. "Might I ask you get him cleaned up, my dear?" Aro asked lightly and Renata nodded immediately moving forward to take the baby from Aro as gently as she could. 

When Renata moved into the closest bathroom, Aro left the room and returned to the room you had given birth in. "They didn't feel it." Caius assured Aro, who nodded in thanks. Caius stepped back, giving Aro some more room with you. Aro ran his fingers through your hair. "Thank you, my dear. Our son will be remarkable, I assure you. I have no doubt you would have been wonderful." Aro leaned in closer towards you, his head hovering over yours. "I'm sorry, my dear." Aro kissed your forehead and closed your eyes with his hand. This hadn't been the first time he had decided to sacrifice those he loved for his goals and no one really knew if it could have been the last. 

Your son didn't seem very affected by your passing. Aro figured it was that he really didn't know you when it came down to it. Although that thought was sad, you had loved your son in the end of the universe. 

Aro saw you curled up in a blanket, running your fingers along your stomach. You had always got little nudges in return. Your stomach softly nudging back at you. You had looked at your bump adoringly the whole time you were showing and when alone, always telling your unborn son how much you loved him. "I'll always love you." 

You did it more so when there was chances you wouldn't survive. So therefore it was no longer just bonding with your unborn child, it was telling him and loving him for every moment you had, in case any of those would be the last. You had hoped he'd remember you if the worst came to be- if you didn't survive the birth. 

There was a pang of sorrow in Aro’s chest. Sorrow for you and sorrow for his son. Aro had really loved you. He had no doubt and he loved his son too, appreciated the gift you had given him. The greatest gift he had ever received. Although he had planned that gift for himself. He had plans for himself, the Volturi and his son. Gaining more power, it was always the plan. Your son was a part of that plan. However you were not and in the end, whilst his love for you was strong, it wasn't enough to discard centuries of plans, reputation and centuries of work. So he let you die, but he made you were comfortable. He had Alec numb your senses, you wouldn't have known when you slipped away and you wouldn't have felt a thing. A peaceful end. Your legacy beginning as you departed from the world with Aro's love and gratitude. 

 Aro kneeled down to Klaus' level faced with answering his son just where his mother had gone. "Such matters are very difficult to tell children- to relay in words that they understand." Aro said softly as he held his son's hands in his own. "Your mother passed away and she's not coming back. She left this world with so much love for you, little one. The last thing she wanted was to say goodbye to you. However these things happen sometimes." Aro paused, searching his son's thoughts, trying to piece together if perhaps Klaus understood even a little bit. "Archelaus..." Aro said quieter, looking into his son's eyes. "Your mother isn't coming home." Aro let go of his son's hands. "She'll always be in here, with you." Aro patted his son's chest lightly, just where his heart sat beating a little faster than before. Klaus, barely looking two years old, looked away from Aro putting his thumb near his mouth as he looked around the room. Although Aro's heart would have shattered if it hadn't already stopped so very long ago. Tears ran down his son's face, his eyes moving back to his father. There was no sound, nothing. Aro couldn't bring himself to say anything, simply watching his son. He wasn't sure what exactly made his son think about you but he seemed to be growing aware of his surroundings, so much so that he is noticing people who are missing from what he remembered. Vampires couldn't cry. No tears could ever fall but to see tears run down his son's face reminded him that his son wasn't just half vampire. He was half human, half you. The human in him cried for the loss of his mother. Aro couldn't help but wonder if you'd have cried too, seeing your son try to understand why he couldn't hear his mother's voice anymore. The moment was brief and ended as quickly as it had began. He had never wondered about his mother before that day and he didn't after that day either. Almost as though Archelaus had forgotten and Aro figured that perhaps it would have been better that way. 

Aro was hoping that Archelaus would meet Renesmee Cullen and when the opportunity arose, he jumped on it. It worked well, checking in on Renesmee's progress, effort to rekindle his friendship with Carlisle and his son meets someone like him who's close to his age.  "Some friends of ours are coming for a brief visit since they're passing by." Aro said fixing Klaus' collar. "They have a little girl who is like you, half human and half vampire." Klaus looked up at his father before nodding. "Would you be willing to keep her company while she's here? I believe she'd be a wonderful friend." Aro asked. Klaus nodded. "Yes, father." 

The two children had ended up in Klaus' room. Klaus having his toy train in hand whilst Renesmee flicked a switch repeatedly to change the lanes. Whilst Klaus knew Renesmee's name, he had yet to introduce himself, giving off the impression he was a rather quiet boy who more than likely kept to himself. Then again, Aro couldn't help but consider perhaps it was due to being around someone who was close to his age. Renesmee was older but it wasn't noticeable in the childrens appearance. "When I get older, I want to travel on a train just like this one!" Renesmee said brightly. "Like the ones in Europe!" "Where would you go?" Klaus asked almost absentmindedly. "I don't know. I just like the thought of getting on a train to anywhere, going wherever I want at the time. So I promised myself that one day I would." "By yourself?" "Yeah!" She grinned. "Unless Jacob says he has to go too. He doesn't like the thought of me going anywhere alone." She looked almost disheartened and Klaus picked up on it. "I know the feeling. I overheard my father and uncles saying I may never get to leave here. At least not alone.” "Would you want to?" Renesmee tilted her head in curiosity. Klaus shrugged. "Maybe. I'd like to see what's out there, I think." Renesmee gasped. "You should come with me! When we're older! We should go together! Wherever we like!" Klaus was surprised. "Really?" "Yeah!" She grinned. "You should tell me your name if we're going to be friends!" "Friends?" Klaus repeated, surprised at how quickly the conversation had escalated. "Of course!" "My name is...a little strange." Klaus admitted. Even he knew his name was a mouthful bit then again, so was 'Renesmee'. "They like to give us strange names, don't they?" Renesmee cracked a smile. "My name was two names mashed together." She said almost bashfully. "Although, I'm mostly called Nessie." "Nessie? As in...?" Klaus tilted his head, trailing off and Renesmee nodded. "...like the monster. Although it wasn't intend as an insult." "My name is Archelaus. It means 'the people's ruler'...but in the human world and some call me Klaus for short." He responded. "What would you prefer I called you?" Renesmee asked. He lightly shrugged. "Klaus is fine." "Nice to meet you Klaus." "Likewise...Renesmee." "I don't mind if you call me Nessie." She smiled and Klaus' mouth twisted. "I'm sorry but I really can't call you that." Renesmee giggled. "That's okay."  "Can I ask you something?" Klaus asked. "Sure!" Renesmee smiled brightly. "Do your parents call you that? " She giggled at the thought. "No! My mum hates it, my dad doesn't like it but my uncle's think it's pretty funny." She paused momentarily. "Does your dad call you by your full name?" Klaus nodded. "Yes. As do my uncle's. Most of the guard call me Klaus though...unless my father and uncles are around." 

After another moment of silence, Klaus spoke up. "My father says you're gifted." Renesmee nodded. "Wanna see?" "How?" He asked. "Like this!" Renesmee cupped a hand to his cheek and he went rigid, startled by her sudden movement. 

Flashes of images rushed through his mind and he began to realise that this was Renesmee's story, showing others her abilities before himself. "Woah..." He said quietly. "Do you have a gift?" She asked. Klaus shrugged looking down. "Don't you ask your mum and dad?" "I think my father would have told me if I did but...my mother died when I was born. I can't ask her." "Oh...I'm sorry." Renesmee said sadly with a sympathetic expression. "It's okay. You know the feeling. I saw it. Your mother nearly died too." Renesmee nodded. "Yes. She was lucky. At least that's what my dad says." Klaus lightly shrugged but nodded. "Do you miss her?" Renesmee asked. "No...I mean, sometimes I do but I just think about how much I love her and that she loves me the same." 

Klaus looked up hearing the door open to be met with Jane. Klaus simply looked back down at his toy train absentmindedly. “Hello, I heard you talking about your mother.” Jane moved to stand in front of him.Klaus paused.  “Would you tell me about her?” Jane asked. "I think I see her sometimes." Klaus quietly and Jane joined him on the floor. Klaus continued to play with his toy train. "Not all the time, only when I miss her the most." Klaus added with a small smile. However Jane could see his sad eyes and understood it. Children like Klaus, children like herself and her brother, they should never have such sad eyes. Yet they did. "Would you tell me about it?" She asked. "Well, I think it's her. I look her at her and somehow I just know that it's my mother. She's always happy to see me. She has a pretty smile." Klaus added, quickly glancing at Jane who smiled slightly in response. "She does?" Klaus nodded. "I talk to her sometimes. She doesn't say much back but that's okay. I asked her once, if I could keep her." "Oh? Did she answer?" Jane asked softly. "She said I could. That she'd always be with me, even when I can't see her." Klaus was completely unaware of the sadness Jane had begun to feel. When Jane's mother died, she wasn't able to face it, being a newborn and learning to trust Aro. After a couple of years, Jane began to think about her mothers death. It reinforced how alone she was and how alone she had always been. Although now she had lost someone, making her life even more empty than it had ever been before. 

It had been Athenodora who comforted Jane and Alec as best as she could. Although all she could say was that their mother would have been relieved to know her children had survived and were safe. Klaus didn't get this same conversation, yet it seemed as though he didn't need it. He had found a way to cope on his own. Or at least, that's all Jane could hope. She couldn't help but wonder if Klaus didn't hear you say much was because he didn't really know you. It was clear ghosts didn't exist. Yet he had created someone in his head that he assumed was you and would respond in his interpretation of what you would have said rather than what you actually would have said. Perhaps that silence he received by his imaginary friend was Klaus not knowing what his mother would say and so no response would be given. "Does it make you sad sometimes?" She asked. "Not really." Klaus looked up at Jane again with a slight smile. "I know my mother loves me and that's all that matters really." 

When Caius entered the room, he entered a war zone. For once, Marcus was mentally and physically present in the room. He was angry. Not only that, angry and arguing with Aro. Both Marcus, and Aro had pitch black eyes and it didn't take long to recognise just what they were arguing about. "I don't need to sympathize to you!" Marcus snapped. "You chose this! You did this to yourself, you did it to her and you did it to your son! You decided she wouldn't be changed so I won't have any sympathy for you because I know I sure as hell did not choose my loss!" "Everything I have ever done, was for this coven!" Aro seethed through a clenched jaw. "(Y/N) would have been apart of that. Spare me your words Aro. You let her die because she didn't fit your goals. You never even consulted us, this decision, and rightly so, was on you. You knew for months where this was going and you made your choice!" Aro scoffed. "You make it sound so easy. Then again, when have you ever made a difficult decision in your life Marcus?" Aro responded icily. "I loved (Y/N) with everything I had and my decision to let her go was not easy. If you cared so much then you wouldn't have sat there for all those months knowing she'd die!" Marcus was immediately on his feet, standing feet away from Aro. "I watched that girl die. You should have been where I was standing. I told her she had a healthy son and my face was the last thing she saw and it should have been you! Furthermore, I was by her side as she gave birth because you weren't there!" Aro snarled before Caius intervened. "Enough!" Caius snapped, stepping in between the two men. "We all knew this would happen. What we didn't know was that Aro would grow attached. Now let me make myself quite clear." Caius began coldly. "(Y/N) died loved and appreciated by Aro and held many of the guards hearts. She was wonderful and she died. We all know that many women have died in childbirth in our time. She brought Archelaus into this world and passed away. Before she could suffer, I killed her. She felt nothing and wasn't alone! We cannot and will not destroy ourselves with the 'what ifs'. We all did what we did and now we live with it because that boy needs it. He is what matters now!" The situation de-escalated greatly after this but Caius continued. "Aro, I understand you are in pain and Marcus is the only one here that knows that pain. So why don't you be help one another with that pain and not use it to tear each other apart?" Marcus and Aro stared at each other before they both back down in unison. "Make me the mediator one more time and I kill you both." Caius growled. "Honestly...see the gift (Y/N) gave you both. Memories, a son and a nephew. Could you even fathom what she'd be thinking right now seeing you both like this!?" 

When night had fallen, Archelaus was taken to bed with his usual nightly routine. Renata was the one who took him to bed this particular night. The guard took turns and later Aro himself would check in on him. As usual Aro received a good report that Archelaus was in bed which left Aro a couple of free hours before he checked in. He spent those hours properly patching things up with Marcus, the two understanding each other by the time he was done. Thankfully the two were able and willing to overlook the incident. 

Aro couldn't help but frown slightly. It was in the middle of the night, the lights were off in many of the rooms down the wing where Klaus stayed. It was to help him sleep, even the lights for the hall were off. It helped the illusion that everyone was asleep at the same time he was. Even though it wasn't necessary, Aro figured it may appeal to his human side. 

However, instead of sleeping he wasn't even in that wing. Aro found his son on the floor below his room in one of the many rooms that had a TV in it. Aro figured his son was sneaking in some TV time or playing when regardless he should have been asleep in bed. However Aro stopped, before reaching the doorway, hiding in the shadows and out of sight. 

His son giggled again, arms stretched out at nothing and grinning up at something Aro couldn't see.  A excited squeal escaped his son and Aro blinked. Suddenly, his son was no longer alone. Someone lifted him into the air, spinning him before setting him down before spinning with him. That someone looking an awful lot like you. "I'll always love you." Aro heard your voice whisper with an echo. Aro blinked again and suddenly you were gone, his sons giggling dying down. It seemed he could no longer see you either, hands dropping to his sides. 

Aro moved closer unable to really pinpoint an emotion, many swirling and battling for the spotlight. His son turned to look at Aro and fully expected to get a scolding at the very least, however it never came. Aro slowly entered the room, barely making a sound and sparing a glance to the empty space you were previously in. Aro looked down at him with a soft expression. "Was that your mother?" He asked quietly. Klaus looked nervous, looking down at his hands. "It's alright Archelaus, I saw it too." Aro explained. "I miss her sometimes." Klaus finally spoke. "When I think of her, after a while, she comes to see me." "Oh?" Aro tilted his head. Klaus continued. "I mean, I know it's not really her. I like to pretend she's here and if I'm patient, she's comes to see me." "Can you show me?" Aro asked holding out his hand. 

Klaus slowly put his hand in Aro's. He was right, this wasn't the first time. He remembered what you looked like, his imagination doing the rest of the work. Whenever he found himself thinking of her, longing for her presence. She'd come to see her son. Of course it became very apparent this was simply his impression of her, Klaus' imagination building the pieces to replicate his mother as best as he could along with what he hoped she'd be like. 

"I'm sorry I got out of bed, father." Klaus said quietly. "That's alright little one." Aro said, unable to punish his son after discovering his son's gift. "We'll take you back to bed." Before leading his son away, he pulled his son into him, bending ever so slightly to hold his son closer. 

Aro had always wondered how his son dealt with topic of his mother although could never bring himself to venture into his son's thoughts for you. However, he held comfort in knowing that his son had found peace and comfort to cope with your passing. He had no doubt that his son would have questions about why you weren't saved when he grew up but he could live with that. He could live with the spare time, your son had unknowingly given him.

#request #twilight #female!reader #canon!twins #aro volturi #warning #one shot #oneshot #volturi #the volturi #renesmee cullen

[buckyownsmylife]

Holy Ground - Final Chapter

The one where Andy seems to have lost everything, but he’s not ready to give up.

A terrible car accident ruins Andy Barber’s idea of a perfect life. But if the love’s still there, why wouldn’t he retrace the steps that led him to his happy ending? After all, the best love stories were made to be written more than just once.

for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist.

A/N: This is it, everyone. Thanks for sticking out and reading this very angsty whirlwhind of a fic, I hope it was worth it. 

Andy’s P.O.V.

“Hi, someone called me and said I had to get to the hospital. Did something happen? Is my wife okay?” The woman behind the counter smiled patiently at me, but it was a trained smile. I didn’t have the time or the patience for that.

“Calm down, sir. Tell me your wife’s name and then I can direct you to the doctor or her room.” The scene reminded me too much of my first arrival, the one where I was certain I would be told I’d lost everything. It was impossible to stop the anxiety from rising, and I could feel it, climbing my throat and threatening to suffocate me, as I spilled my last name to her.

I tried not to lose it as she checked a few documents with all the calm in this world, like nothing of importance was happening, like my heart wasn’t beating out of control. After what felt like too long, she finally addressed me again.

“There’s no indication of Mrs. Barber’s doctor asking for you… And the nurse who’s taking care of her is on her day off.” I blinked a few times, trying to process her words and failing.

“What does that mean?” I hated the way she looked at me, with pity and understanding. I was tired of being seen like that, a broken man with a broken wife amidst the shattered pieces of what used to be my life.

“It means your wife isn’t going through any serious risk. I’ll try to get in touch with Nurse Jane and see what that call was about. In the meantime, would you like to see Mrs. Barber?” That was a difficult question. Of course I did want to see her, that wasn’t the hard part about it. The problem was… should I?

She never tried to reach out ever since I drove her back to this hospital that morning, almost a week ago. I managed to get some answers about how she was thanks to said Nurse Jane and her doctor, but I didn’t try to talk to her ever since.

I didn’t know what to say. I knew what I wanted to say, of course. The entire truth. I wanted to teach her about the beautiful love story she’d starred by my side, but most of all, I wanted her to believe in me.

And I didn’t think that was possible with the way things were left between us.

I’d barely slept ever since that morning. The good thing about giving her some distance was that I was able to spend some time with our son, something I’d failed to do ever since his birth.

It wasn’t his fault, but he was born from the same accident that almost took his mother’s life. I couldn’t look at him and not think of her. I couldn’t look at him and not remember how wrong everything was, and how much worse it could have been.

But now he was all I had. And I feared this was what my life would be like, if Y/N never decided to give me another chance. So I decided to face my own trauma instead of running from it.

Today was the first time since Y/N left that I had to call the nanny to take care of him again. I spent the last five days with him at all times, trying to learn how to be a parent, trying to feel close to someone I’d decided to shut off before even giving a chance.

He didn’t deserve this father who wasn’t there. That wasn’t the father I wanted to be, anyway. And so I focused on giving him all I had - all of my attention, all of my care, all of my love. I had nothing but time, and I had a lot of it to compensate for.

To be honest, the part of me that still believed Y/N would recover her memory kept reminding me that she would never forgive me for those months of parental bonding I missed. But it wasn’t my fault either.

It didn’t feel right to cherish our son when she wasn’t able to do the same.

“Mr. Barber?” The voice of the nurse from before broke me out of my thoughts, and I blinked a few times in an effort to fully concentrate in the present again. “Would you like to see her?”

Despite everything, I knew the answer I would give.

“Yes.” Of course. “Yes, I want to see her.”

I followed the dutiful nurse down the path I knew all too well, not having it in me to explain to her how her guidance wasn’t necessary. I roamed these halls every night in my sleep and every morning until she left my house. I feared their white apathy would be ingrained in my brain cells for the rest of my life.

“There you go. I’ll leave you two alone.” It was silent when I joined her in the room she’d been living in ever since she got out of the coma. And still, she didn’t seem to hear my arrival - not the door opening and closing behind her, not the sound of my steps resonating through the almost empty room. She looked hypnotized by nothing at all, hand absentmindedly playing with her necklace as she stared at the wall.

“Hey.”  The word startled her, and her head whipped around to look at me, her eyes wide, but with no trace of anger.

“Andy?” I couldn’t figure out why, but the way she said my name sent shivers down my spine. She’d said it before, ever since she woke up - countless times. She said it in bed that night, and it still didn’t seem this sweet.

Perhaps the absence had made me more appreciative of it.

“Yeah.” I was scared of moving any closer to her, or saying anything that might provoke her anger. I knew she had the time to think about what had happened, but I had no idea how she felt about it all now. 

“I don’t mean to impose, I just… Someone from the hospital called me, I thought maybe something had happened to you. I’m glad you’re alright.” She nodded, a small smile on her face as silence fell between us again.

I’d grown to loathe the absence of sound in the time after the accident. At first, it was from the need to hear the beeps that reminded me she was alive. Then it was for its power to feed into my deepest fears and anxieties, my desperate concern of possibly losing her. And now, it was from the expectation that suspicion had become reality - she really didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.

“I can leave, if you want,” I offered, silently praying she wouldn’t take me up on it even as I waved towards the door. Much to my delight and surprise, her eyes widened and she reached out for my hand, as if stopping me from moving.

“No! No, don’t go.” And so we stood there, staring at each other, not knowing what to do until she asked, “Would you like to sit?”

I followed her to the small sofa in the room, still confused about what was happening. Each second that went by highlighted the differences in our situation, but I still couldn’t see it clearly. 

Just what was going on here?

She still held my hand as we sat next to each other, absentmindedly stroking it, her gaze on our laps. It felt just familiar enough to have hope rekindling inside my heart, burning bright inside of it to illuminate my entire being.

“Y/N…” I started, and when her eyes met mine, I unconsciously licked my lips in an effort to keep talking. “Were you the one who called for me?” In the time that she took to answer, the truth was already there, staring back at me. Her hands played with the necklace and when a smile began to form, I threw my arms around her, pulling her to my lap. 

“Oh my God.” She giggled against the crook of my neck, and it was like my heart stopped and I started living again, somehow. “It’s you,” I commented, cradling her face so I could look her in the eye. “It’s really you.”

My voice was so thick with emotion I could barely recognize it, but it didn’t take long until words were replaced by the language of desperate kisses, her hands fisting my shirt as I buried my fingers on her locks.

“What… How much do you remember?” I had to ask when I finally accepted that I needed to let us breathe, leaving her lips to rub our noses together delicately, our foreheadheads glued as I struggled not to lose control.

“There are still gaps,” she confessed, seemingly as unwilling to part from me as I was. “But I remember enough. I know you’re my husband and I know that was our son, and I want to go home, Andy. Please, take me home.”

And there it was, the feeling of wholeness, the lack of craving I never thought I’d have again. It was impossible to keep myself from crying then, but as my shirt became soaked, I knew I wasn’t the only one battling with emotions and dealing with them in the form of tears.

“Of course, darling. Let’s go home.” And running my hand over her cheek, brushing her tears away, I invited, “Let’s go meet our son.”

#my series #andy barber fanfiction #andy barber x reader #andy barber reader #andy barber reader insert #andy barber reader inserts #andy barber request #andy barber requests #andy barber fan fiction #andy barber writing #andy barber writings

[oswinpond]

Even after the new film, which certainly popularized Amy/Laurie in a way I’ve never seen before, I keep hearing a lot of the same old arguments: “Laurie never stopped loving Jo”, “Laurie didn’t really love Amy”, “Amy was a second choice/consolation prize”, “Jo should’ve been with Laurie” etc. And a lot of these people claim this is book canon. As I’ve just reread the book, I’ve got a lot of thoughts on all of this... 

(Note: This is all purely based on book canon.)

In the book, after Amy harshly scolds Laurie, he decides to go back to London and work for his grandfather to better himself. At first, he thinks he’s doing it for two reasons: Amy despises him and that hurts him, but also the idea that if he does something “splendid” Jo may love him (or at least respect him, as Amy put it). 

So Laurie decides to write a requiem for Jo “which should harrow up Jo’s soul and melt the heart of every hearer”. But he can’t come up with anything because he keeps humming the dance music reminiscent of the Christmas ball in Nice which he spent devoting himself to Amy all evening. So then he tries to compose an opera with Jo as his heroine, but it doesn’t work. “He wanted Jo for his heroine, and called upon his memory to supply him with tender recollections and romantic visions of his love. But memory turned traitor; and, as if possessed by the perverse spirit of the girl, would only recall Jo’s oddities, faults, and freaks, would only show her in the most unsentimental aspects.” 

Jo no longer fits as his heroine, no matter how hard he tries. So he gives up on that, and his imagination promptly comes up with another heroine for him without even trying: 

“This phantom wore many faces, but it always had golden hair, was enveloped in a diaphanous cloud, and floated airily before his mind’s eye in a pleasing chaos of roses, peacocks, white ponies, and blue ribbons. He did not give the complacent wraith any name, but he took her for his heroine and grew quite fond of her, as well he might, for he gifted her with every gift and grace under the sun, and escorted her, unscathed, through trials which would have annihilated any mortal woman.”

While Laurie doesn’t realize it, the woman he’s imagining is Amy. Amy with the blue ribbons in her golden hair, who put roses in his buttonhole, who he watched feed the peacocks in Paris, and who he first saw again in a carriage drawn by ponies. It’s also a little prophetic, as he does escort the real Amy through future trials. (Bonus: at the same time, Amy spends her time sketching some faceless man who clearly resembles Laurie, but she doesn’t realize it either.)

Contrary to what some in the fandom would claim, Laurie isn’t at all forcing himself to love Amy just so that he can be part of the March family. He doesn’t even realize that she’s become the “heroine” in his story, that she’s the woman he’s fantasizing about. He thinks he’s doing this to improve himself for Jo, but it’s Amy that’s inspiring him. 

And then Laurie realizes that his feelings for Jo are disappearing:

“Laurie thought that the task of forgetting his love for Jo would absorb all his powers for years, but to his great surprise he discovered it grew easier every day. He refused to believe it at first, got angry with himself, and couldn’t understand it [...] Laurie’s heart wouldn’t ache; the wound persisted in healing with a rapidity that astonished him, and instead of trying to forget, he found himself trying to remember. He had not foreseen this turn of affairs, and was not prepared for it. He was disgusted with himself, surprised at his own fickleness, and full of a queer mixture of disappointment and relief that he could recover from such a tremendous blow so soon. He carefully stirred up the embers of his lost love, but they refused to burn into a blaze: there was only a comfortable glow that warmed and did him good without putting him into a fever, and he was reluctantly obliged to confess that the boyish passion was slowly subsiding into a more tranquil sentiment, very tender, a little sad and resentful still, but that was sure to pass away in time, leaving a brotherly affection which would last unbroken to the end.”

This passage alone pretty much puts to rest the idea that Laurie never got over Jo. He actually got over her so easily and quickly that he felt disgusted with himself, thinking this made him fickle. His romantic feelings are gone, and soon will leave only a “brotherly affection” when the last of the hurt is gone as well. Maybe he got over her so easily because he simply mistook his strong bond with her for romance, or maybe it was just a rash and immature first love that was never going to last long anyways, or whatever else... point being, he got over her.

And Laurie was actually trying, and failing, to rekindle any love for Jo (unlike his unconscious growing feelings for Amy, which he wasn’t pushing for at all). As a last ditch attempt to revive that love, he writes to Jo asking if she was sure about her refusal, and when she responds that she absolutely could never love him that way, he accepts it without sadness or complaint this time. He’s already over her, so there’s nothing to be heartbroken over. That was his closure. He takes off the ring she gave him and locks it away with her letters, and that’s that. 

And that’s when he’s ready to open his heart to Amy. He starts corresponding with her so often their letters are flying back and forth constantly. He wants to go back to her, but he doesn’t want to until she asks; she finally does after she hears about Beth’s passing, and Laurie immediately drops everything to go to her “with a heart full of joy and sorrow, hope and suspense” (and this is after he knows she’s turned down Fred, so we know what he’s hoping for now). Amy is his first priority after Beth dies, even though Beth was dearest to Jo. Laurie meets Amy in Switzerland and, without saying anything, they both know their relationship has changed. 

They spend weeks doing everything together and spend all their time out at the lake. Despite the sad tidings, they wind up being their happiest together in Vevey. They both know that they’re in love with each other without even having to say it (they really seem to develop an unspoken communication at this point). And while Laurie knows that she’ll say “yes” to his proposal, he’s still nervous so he puts it off to enjoy his time with Amy in Switzerland. He imagines proposing to her in the chateau garden at moonlight, but instead blurts it out while they’re on a lake in the middle of the day:

Feeling that she had not mended matters much, Amy took the offered third of a seat, shook her hair over her face, and accepted an oar. She rowed as well as she did many other things; and, though she used both hands, and Laurie but one, the oars kept time, and the boat went smoothly through the water. “How well we pull together, don’t we?” said Amy, who objected to silence just then. “So well that I wish we might always pull in the same boat. Will you, Amy?” very tenderly. “Yes, Laurie,” very low. Then they both stopped rowing, and unconsciously added a pretty little tableau of human love and happiness to the dissolving views reflected in the lake.

And there’s so much to say about this little scene. While he had to beg and argue with Jo just to finally accept her firm “no”, he just has to ask a simple question with Amy and he gets his simple answer because they’re on the same page. The rather blunt metaphor of rowing well together, even when he uses one hand and she uses two, is all about how despite their differences they work. They keep time. And it calls back to Jo’s talk with Marmee where they both agree that Jo and Laurie never would’ve worked, in part because their similarities would clash horribly in a romantic relationship (but mainly because , y’know, Jo never once felt a single shred of romantic love for Laurie). 

Now, I can understand where people come from thinking Laurie was “replacing” Jo with Amy with lines like "Laurie decided that Amy was the only woman in the world who could fill Jo’s place and make him happy”. I get how this can be interpreted as Amy filling in for what was meant to be Jo’s place in his heart. But it makes a lot more sense in the context of Laurie’s speech to Jo towards the end when he explains his feelings:

“I never shall stop loving you; but the love is altered, and I have learned to see that it is better as it is. Amy and you changed places in my heart, that’s all. I think it was meant to be so, and would have come about naturally, if I had waited, as you tried to make me; but I never could be patient, and so I got a heartache. I was a boy then, headstrong and violent; and it took a hard lesson to show me my mistake. For it was one, Jo, as you said, and I found it out, after making a fool of myself. Upon my word, I was so tumbled up in my mind, at one time, that I didn’t know which I loved best, you or Amy, and tried to love you both alike; but I couldn’t. And when I saw her in Switzerland, everything seemed to clear up all at once. You both got into your right places.”

Laurie didn’t settle for Amy. Amy took Jo’s place in the sense that they swapped places in how he saw them, from romantic to platonic for Jo and vice versa for Amy. And those wound up being their “right” places. He believes he was always meant to fall in love with Amy and see Jo as his sister, and that he would’ve gotten to this point naturally even if things had played out differently.

I’ll admit I wasn’t a fan of how the 2019 film portrayed Jo in this situation, because in the book she was absolutely thrilled for Laurie and Amy, and is happily surprised when Marmee tells her she’d been hoping for them to fall in love. But in the film, they take her sadness over her loneliness too far IMO, and make it seem like she was actually bitter over Amy and Laurie being together, which unfortunately fuelled the “Amy stole Laurie from Jo” crowd a bit. And after her conversation with Marmee where she admits that she only wants Laurie because she longs to be loved, and Marmee points that “that isn’t the same as loving”, this makes movie!Jo seem “silly and selfish” as book!Jo puts it (because in the book, that was only a “what if” she entertained and never wrote any letter). 

Anyways, to conclude on all of this, when Amy and Laurie are married at and home, we get the thoughts of other characters on their relationship, and the unanimous opinion is that they’re completely in love and happy with each other. Jo herself insists that their happiness will for sure last, and notes how proud Laurie seems to be to call Amy his wife. Laurie, meanwhile, can’t stop talking about Amy through to the end (and Amy is clearly just as smitten). I dare you to read the last half of Part 2 and not find Amy and Laurie adorable together. 

And to hammer that last nail in the coffin on Jo/Laurie as a romance, we get Laurie meeting Professor Bhaer. It’s specifically noted that while Laurie is suspicious of Bhaer and notices his interest in Jo, it was “not of jealousy” but a “brotherly circumspection”. Amy even asks him if he’s at all jealous and Laurie tells her “I assure you I can dance at Jo’s wedding with a heart as light as my heels. Do you doubt it, my darling?” and it says that Amy’s “last little jealous fear vanished forever”. Laurie actually winds up happily supporting Bhaer once he sees he’s a great guy for his sister Jo, and suggests to Amy that they should try to help them out as a couple.

So no, Jo never loved Laurie romantically, Laurie absolutely did get over Jo, Laurie and Amy are so happy together it’s almost obnoxious, Jo is pro-Amy/Laurie and Laurie is pro-Jo/Bhaer, and Amy wasn’t a second choice, she was Laurie’s “meant to be” by his own words.

#amy x laurie #laurie x amy #amy march #laurie laurence #little women #this wound up way longer than i intended #oops #so i added a read more #anyways all this to say that laurie and amy are OTP and laurie and jo are brotp #and jo and amy are my favourite sisters and their relationship is amazing

[lizacstuff]

Your thoughts on the epi?

This episode was everything! I don't remember when I've enjoyed crying so much. The funny thing is, though, that I've found myself crying more while rewatching those scenes, than I cried during the first time I watched the episode. This episode will definitely rank among my favorites. Let's talk about the B and C characters and then get to Edser and, of course, Kiraz at the end. I spent the first 30 minutes resisting the urge to punch my screen anytime Ayfer was on it. Damn, I wanted to slap her silly. Could she have been any more annoying? Eda's a grown woman, if she is finally doing the right thing and telling the father of her child he's a dad, then be supportive instead of a screeching pain in the ass. When she actually said "I told you so" to an upset Eda... seriously? That is awful. What a bitter, joyless, petty individual. I was cheering for Melo every time she told Ayfer she was negative. Good! At least we know the other characters recognize how awful she is.

(I get long winded, so this continues under the cut)

Also what was with her going overboard to protect Burak's feelings over his delusional aspirations? Why shouldn't he understand that Serkan and Eda shared a great love and Melo is rooting for them to rekindle it? What does hiding that from him do? It's still true. Ayfer treats this dude as a member of the family, so he might as well know. I get his feelings might get hurt, but dude needs a reality check and to move on, and no matter how hard Ayfer hopes, Serkan in their lives or no, Eda is never going to want Burak. She's made that clear. If Ayfer likes him so much maybe she should marry him, that way at least Melo would be saved from his milquetoast presence.

Speaking of that, they were clearly trying to establish some sort of connection or vibe between him and Melo. So far, I'm not into it. If he's still so into Eda that Ayfer doesn't want him to have to hear about Eda/Serkan possibly reuniting, then he doesn't deserve Melo. Melo deserves someone who wants her, not someone who pines after someone out of his league and then settles for her bff once he realizes he never had a shot with the great beauty. We'll see how it develops, but he has the personality of damp carpet so I don't have high hopes.

Aydan was a little screechy this episode, but I cut her some slack since she just found out these traitors stole 5 years of her granddaughter's life from her. My friend @echoapothecary made a good point to me that Aydan deserves no sympathy for this since she didn't tell Eda Serkan was alive back in amnesia times, and I don't disagree with that. That move by Aydan pretty much tainted her character forever, and it's near impossible to come back from, but viewing this story in a capsule I do feel sorry for her. She wasn't a good mother to Serkan, but she does love him, and I think she craves family. The main point being, Serkan wasn't the only one who lost something significant by not knowing about Kiraz until now, Aydan did too. Perhaps we can say that losing the first five years of her granddaughter's life is her punishment for keeping the secret about Serkan, it's about as steep a penalty as one could pay. Talk about karmic retribution.

Also, since Serkan is apparently not going to impose any emotional tolls on any of the traitors for the secret that was kept from him, I'm glad Aydan did at least make her displeasure known and made some of the liars uncomfortable. Piril, at least, felt it, even if she won't suffer any real consequences. I kind of wanted Serkan to kick her out of the company. I really don't like that character and I think every time she's on screen she just sucks the life out of the show. Engin when he's in scenes with Serkan or Eda or Melo or Aydan or Erdem = Interesting. Engin when he's with Piril = Zzzzzzz.

Pina and Kerem were cute, but to be honest I really don't care. It's inoffensive and I get that we need B, C and D storylines to fill out two hours each week, so I'm good with it, but let's be real I'm only watching for the main event.

Speaking of... now to EDSER! I actually like that Serkan walked out and drove away after hearing the truth. I can only imagine what kind of shock and betrayal he must have felt at that moment, escaping must have seemed like his best option. What I liked even more is that Eda followed him. What a relief after the last episode where she was looking for any and every excuse not to tell him and then made the nonsensical decision to flee in order to avoid it. Too many times in the past between these two pride has gotten in the way. There was a time that Eda might have thrown up her hands at him leaving and pretended like it didn't hurt, that it didn't matter. I'm so glad those days seem to be over. One of the hallmarks of season 2 has been the improved communication (sans secret) between these two and this episode took that concept to a new level.

How heartbreaking to watch Eda plead with Serkan through the door, and how double-y heartbreaking to watch Serkan sitting on the floor, head bent, clearly in emotional agony. You could feel it coming off of him. Kudos to both Hande and Kerem who KILLED IT this episode. Seriously, their best work to date. Their chemistry is always on point, but the way they flawlessly work off of one another in every scene they share, whether it's deeply dramatic or something light and romantic is truly something special to behold. That's one reason why I don't get the folks who are so hung up in hating the season 2 plotline, that they can't appreciate any of this. Because this is the point. Giving these two artists deep and challenging scenes together and opportunities to make more magic. Watching them this season is honestly a privilege and I plan on enjoying every minute of it.

Despite Serkan's emotional turmoil, it was so like him to put the blanket over her and then sit across from her sleeping form as he indulged in some more brooding. However, I really appreciate that by the morning he was ready to talk to her. That conversation was hard, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who was jarred by him saying that he would have told her to get an abortion. In light of his later confessions, I think there's a few ways to take that. I think it was in part a nod to what an emotional mess he was at the time, and in part he said it to alleviate some of her guilt. Because even a betrayed and hurt Serkan cares so much about her, and he knows what he put who through at the time. Especially because at that moment he still had no plans to tell her the truth about why he broke up with her, he was still playing the part of the man who just didn't want children. So stubborn! Thank goodness that over the course of the next 12 hours he'll change his mind about that...

On another note, how happy did it make you to see Sirius? It made me pretty happy. He lives!!!!

From the moment Eda went to his hotel room the night before to confess all the way until they met again at the hotel, Eda really did everything right in how she approached him. However, once back in Sile, she makes her first critical error. It reminded me of the Eda in episode 29 who started pushing so hard at amnesia!Serkan and coming at him with such extreme emotion that he shut down. And that's what happened during that conversation on the beach. Eda needed to give him a little bit of time to come to terms with things, instead of forcing a conversation the first moment they saw one another. Good grief, what was she doing demanding answers from him hours after he found out? She knows this man! She knows that he plans every aspect of his life. So to spring on him that you hid a child from him for 5 years and he's a dad, is a LOT. I like that in a later scene he knows he reacted badly, and actually also says to her "What did you expect?" While his reaction wasn't great, it was also pretty predictable and she should have known to give him some time.

Speaking of the conversation on the beach, what a powerhouse scene for Hande. One note on it, that was the scene they had just shot when Hande and Kerem did their last IGlive on premiere day. The one where Kerem kept talking about how he was in a mood because of an intense scene they had just done. After watching I couldn't help but note that he, as Serkan, mostly just stood there stoically as Hande did all the emoting as Eda let loose on all the pent up emotion she'd been carrying both for years and with Serkan's fresh rejection. It speaks to both their personal and professional dynamic that he was so affected by her being in that state since he didn't do the heavy lifting in that specific scene. The way they are attuned to each other is probably a big reason they are so flawlessly in sync on screen.

I liked how they weaved the Kiraz/Baba scene in at the right time. That was one instance where Aydan, Seyfi and Engin's meddling was for the good, engineering a situation where Serkan was alone with his daughter. Also excellent comedy from Can, ratting out his dad about throwing ice cream on him. Good stuff. I like Engin-as-a-father scenes, I like Engin-as-a-friend scenes, I could just do without Engin-as-a-husband scenes. Anyway, Serkan needed time to adjust, but he also needed to be exposed to Kiraz so that he could view their prior unlikely bond through the new prism of fatherhood. It's telling how easily he slid into Dad territory with teaching her how to tie her shoes. He had been doing that all along, but at that moment he knew about the relationship and still did what was natural. He is ready to be her father, he just needs to realize he's worthy of it.

You can't blame Eda for not realizing it, but it was lovely to see how quickly Serkan turned the corner. He was already adjusting his thinking not even 24 hours after he found out about Kiraz and that was really what inserting himself

into her dealings with the Italians was about. Staying in contact until he could beat back all his neurosis. As for the business stuff, she apparently needed him as an investor, but I also love the way he was there to first build up her confidence and then praise her after a successful presentation. I've said it before but Serkan as her professional mentor is one of my favorite dynamics between them. It did make me wonder, is she still 45% owner of the Holding? It seems like it, she sure didn't hesitate to present herself as his partner. If she is, though, it seems impossible that they could have had zero contact for all those years, unless she just placed her stake in a trust and gave him full voting control of it. Details I'm sure they won't explore in-depth, but I did wonder.

Don't you just love an unwitting guest character (Italian guy) who comes in and forces our two protagonists to spend extra time together? I do. Thank you Italian guy and Italian guy's wife! I love how quick Serkan was to accept, you see, he had already turned a corner and was looking for excuses to get close to her. It was his first step in his journey to opening up to her. Also, who noticed that Eda wore a slinky blue dress the night after Kiraz mentioned that it's Serkan's favorite color? Just checking. She is not as immune to his charms as she'd like us to believe...

OF COURSE Serkan was at Eda's graduation. I think pretty much the whole fandom had guessed that from their conversation in episode 40, but it still hit me emotionally to have it confirmed. What I really liked about it was that Serkan didn't tip his hand by accident. He quoted her graduation speech specifically because he wanted her to know he was there. And not only that he willingly admits that he thought of her every single day since they parted. This is a huge step for him. It has been driving him crazy that Eda thinks he forgot her and is totally unaffected by her. However, even just a few hours earlier he was still in a place where he had no intention to tell her anything, it's actually impressive how quickly he came around. Now I don't blame Eda at all for declaring it's not enough, he put her through emotional hell when they broke up. I mean on one hand you'd think she'd be able to see that he was already opening his heart and there was more to the story, however, her reaction was good because it spurred him on to go and tell her the whole story.

And what a heartbreaking story it was. As I said several times over the last few weeks, I was hoping that part of Serkan's motivation was that the doctor had told him he would be unable to have kids, what I wasn't expecting though was the double whammy of not being able to have kids AND there being a 70% chance of the cancer coming back. No wonder Serkan was eFFed up! Who wouldn't be, but then you add in his additional insecurities about not being worthy of love and his hypochondria and that is a bad mental cocktail. You know what's ironic, Ayfer hates him but in reality he did exactly what Ayfer would have wanted him to do. Push Eda away for her own good so she could have everything she wants in life without him dragging her down. What makes Ayfer the worst (and a hypocrite) is that this is exactly what she would have wanted him to do, but she also blames him for Eda's heartbreak in the aftermath.

The scene was so cathartic to watch as a viewer. We've been waiting for weeks for Serkan's point of view as he's hidden behind his usual confident and calm veneer, and when we finally got it, we really got it. He did not hold back. Serkan is such a complex character, which is a bit surprising for a silly show that you wouldn't really expect build a character with so many layers. On the surface he has everything and seems to be full of ego, but his arrogance is only surrounding his abilities, intellect, and skills as a businessman and architect. Personally, he has little self-worth and thinks he's not worthy of anyone's love, especially not Eda's. However, while that has been a truth of the character for a long time, this speech was the first time he admitted how deeply rooted his fears are. It was stunning, though, to have a character who is so rooted in being in control and who is worried about his outward image, open up in such a raw way and expose all his fears and insecurities to a woman he's been apart from for five years. It was breathtaking and Kerem was fantastic in the scene.

Initially, with the subtitles, I misinterpreted (though I knew it couldn't be quite right) his parting words. The subtitles I saw made it seem like Serkan was saying "Don't say you forgot me" as in Serkan didn't want Eda to say she forgot him. But it made so much more sense when I saw it translated as "But don't say I forgot you." which was a throw back to their dinner conversation in episode 40 when Eda says, "You forgot me." Once I realized Serkan was saying that he couldn't handle her thinking, or say, that he'd forgotten her, the scene hit doubly hard!

I saw some criticism of that scene that said Eda was just standing there with no emotion, but I didn't get that at all. She had tears running down her face and I thought she was fighting for his soul pretty dang hard. First by using both emotion-- telling him that everything had changed because now he had a daughter and that he'd locked his heart and soul in a cage. Then by using logic-- when she told him the cancer is gone and that's it's over and when she challenged him over why everything has to be perfect. Think from her perspective how disorienting it would be to find out that everything you thought was true, was not, and that if the love of your life wasn't such a stubborn, selfless, self-sabotaging martyr that you could have built a family together instead of been separated for 5 years. It's a lot.

On the first watch this doorway scene is where I started to get emotional, but I didn't really lose it and fully cry until Serkan's scene the next day with Engin. For whatever reason that scene hit me hard. Hats off to Anil for his work there, the way his voice broke at times during that conversation really got to me. This type of true friendship scene was something that was sorely missing during the era of the other writers, and it was wonderful to see it back, just when Serkan needed it most. Serkan needed someone to shake him a bit about his fears of dying. I think the writers did a good job here, because while Serkan's neurosis and self-sabotage is maddening, with his history it's believable that he was stuck in a headspace where he really thought he couldn't be a father to Kiraz, or a partner to Eda, because he might up and die on them. I loved how Engin pointed out that Eda and Kiraz would not be the only ones affected if he died and how ridiculous it was for him to lock himself away.

I'm glad we got the scene with the doctor to really get a full glimpse of Serkan's view of his illness and it's also a relief to not only Serkan, but to us viewers that since five years have passed cancer-free he now has the risk of a typical healthy person. Serkan isn't the only one who has hang ups about his health, I think after amnesia and cancer viewers do too!

Finding out that Eda had made videos specifically for Serkan over the years, talking to him directly, hit hard. I wasn't really expecting that. I thought maybe she just had general photos and videos, like any doting parent would have, but the fact that she was always wanting him, documenting Kiraz's life and preparing for a day when he would hopefully take his place as Kiraz's father... wow. On the cynical side it makes it that much harder to believe that she never made more of an effort to tell him once Kiraz was born, but I won't focus on that. Not when the scene was as perfect as it was. Kerem again was stellar, he made me cry buckets. I think since amnesia many of us wanted an emotional response from him, thank goodness this story finally delivered it. The emotions running through him at that moment were overwhelming and Kerem did a fantastic job of portraying all of them, the heartbreak over everything he missed, the joy at seeing moments

from his daughter's life, the regret of not being there and being the partner Eda needed, the pride in the job Eda did in raising their daughter alone, and finally the bittersweet relief that Eda never forgot him.

It was a lot, but it was a good segue to the next scene when Eda calls him frantic because Kiraz went missing. What was clear from those videos was that while Eda, when we first meet her in Sile, appeared on the surface to have everything handled as a single mom, she always really wanted to have Serkan there as her partner. While Kiraz was pining for her dad, Eda was pining for Serkan as well. And we see this displayed in full force when Serkan arrives. Several people try to comfort Eda, including Burak, but she's not having it. However, as soon as Serkan gets there you can almost see the relief hit her in a wave. She's not in this alone anymore. Kiraz's father is there to help. Even if nothing is settled at that moment, she knows she can rely on Serkan and that he will know what to do. Which is supported by the fact that he clearly took charge the moment he found out, calling the authorities, having them begin searches etc.

But while highlighting his competence, conversely can we talk about how incompetently everyone else was at searching for Kiraz? They all acted worried, but did any of them make any real effort to find her? LMAO, they all seemed much more concerned with their own personal dramas. Especially egregious were Engin and Piril. Hello! Your son is clearly trying to tell you where the missing person is! Stop ignoring him. Thank goodness Serkan is very good at finding people.

Of course he found her and our hearts collectively shattered as we watched her trying to send a message to her Baba in space when in reality he was kneeling right there beside her, helping her tie the note to the balloon. If anything else was left to convince Serkan that he is wanted and needed, by both Eda and Kiraz, this situation was it. Even though some careless crew member spoiled the astronaut suit in an unnecessary IG story from the set, (that would have been a really good surprise) it was still satisfying to see this fairy tale play out. Never over "Baba?" and "Happy Birthday, my daughter" and now I can't wait to see Kiraz's reaction that her new friend Serkan Bolat is actually her dad and it should be pretty great to watch the three of them form a family together.

Overall this was the most emotional episodes of the series, and also one of the best.

#Sen Cal Kapimi #Sen Çal Kapımı #edser #serkan bolat #sck discussion #sck episode discussion #edser discussion #sckask #sck 2x43 #sck 2x04 #asklizac #anonymous