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tarotwithavi · 10 months

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An appreciation letter for you

Not a reading you asked for but a reading you needed 😛

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Pile 1

Hey lovely rose

I wanted to take a moment to share something with you that I've observed and truly appreciate about you. Your presence is truly magnetic, and it's not just because of one particular trait, but rather a combination of several remarkable qualities that you possess.

First of all , your determination is inspiring. Your unwavering commitment to your goals and your ability to push through challenges is truly admirable. You never give up, and that's something that sets you apart. Your hardworking nature is evident in everything you do. I've seen how you consistently put in the effort and go the extra mile to achieve excellence. Your work ethic is truly remarkable and inspiring to those around you.

But it's not just your hard work that impresses me. Your intellect shines through in the way you approach problems and find innovative solutions. You have a keen mind and the ability to grasp complex concepts effortlessly. It's truly remarkable to witness your intelligence. Your never-ending curiosity is another aspect of your personality that I find incredibly magnetic. Your thirst for knowledge, your eagerness to explore new ideas, and your willingness to constantly learn and grow are truly remarkable qualities. It's infectious and inspires others to embrace curiosity as well.

Moreover, your love for your work is evident to anyone who interacts with you. You pour your heart and soul into what you do, and that passion resonates with those around you. It's a joy to witness someone who genuinely loves what they do and brings that enthusiasm to everything they undertake.

I hope you understand that all these qualities combined make you an extraordinary individual. Your presence is not only felt but cherished. You inspire those around you and create an environment that people are drawn to. I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge and appreciate all these qualities in you. All these qualities contribute to making you an incredible person. Keep shining brightly, because your magnetic presence truly makes a difference.

Thank you for being such an inspiration for me and the people around you.

Avi

Pile 2

Hey apple pie

I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to take a moment to express something that has been on my mind. Your remarkable qualities have always struck me, and I feel it's important to share my admiration with you.

Firstly, your capacity for forgiveness and maturity is truly extraordinary. The way you handle difficult situations and extend understanding to others is both admirable and rare. Your ability to let go of grudges and embrace forgiveness with an open heart is truly magnetic.

Your ethereal beauty goes far beyond physical appearances. It emanates from within you, reflecting the kindness and compassion that resides in your soul. Your genuine care and concern for people, regardless of their background or circumstances, is a testament to your remarkable character.

I've always been fascinated by your ability to strike a balance between your logical and emotional sides. You approach challenges and decision-making with a rational mindset while remaining attuned to your emotions. This makes you incredibly magnetic, as you have a unique ability to connect with others on both intellectual and heartfelt levels.

Another quality that sets you apart is your alacrity, always ready to embark on new adventures and embrace life's opportunities. Your adventurous spirit and willingness to step out of your comfort zone make you magnetic to others who are inspired by your zest for life.

Lastly, your innocence and pure heart are like a breath of fresh air. In a world that can sometimes be jaded, your genuine and kind nature shines through. Your actions and words reflect your true character, and that authenticity is truly magnetic.

I wanted to let you know that your presence and these extraordinary qualities have a profound impact on those around you, including myself. You are a true inspiration, and I'm grateful to have you in my life.

With heartfelt admiration,

Avi

Pile 3

Dear bossy pumpkin

I wanted to take a moment to express something that has been on my mind. Your presence is undeniably attractive, and it's not just because of your physical appearance, but rather a combination of remarkable qualities that make you truly captivating.

Your passion for life is infectious. Your enthusiasm for embracing new experiences, pursuing your dreams, and living each day to the fullest is truly inspiring. It's refreshing to be around someone who radiates such vibrant energy and makes others feel alive. Your creative mind is a gift that sets you apart. The way you think outside the box, find innovative solutions, and bring fresh ideas to the table is truly remarkable. Your creativity adds a unique and exciting dimension to every conversation and endeavor.

Your maturity is evident in the way you carry yourself and handle situations. You possess a sense of wisdom and understanding that goes beyond your years. Your thoughtful perspective and ability to navigate life's complexities with grace and composure are truly impressive. Knowing your self-worth is an incredibly attractive quality. You recognize your own value, and that confidence shines through in everything you do. Your self-assuredness is magnetic and draws others towards you, as they see the strength and self-belief you embody.

Beneath your seemingly cold exterior lies a beautifully soft and caring interior. Your ability to show vulnerability, empathy, and kindness to those close to you is a testament to the depth of your character. It's captivating to witness someone with such depth and emotional intelligence.

Please know that your presence has a profound impact on those around you. Your captivating qualities draw people towards you, and your genuine nature makes them feel seen and valued. You have a remarkable ability to leave a lasting impression on those who have the privilege of knowing you.

With utmost admiration and respect,

Avi

I am working on improving my English after my second last pick a card being a whole mess. 💀💀

Hope you like it!!

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godsopenwound · 3 months

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When I first began watching horror, I was drawn in by the display of appetite—specifically female appetite—in all its forms: not only the way Rosemary slices into her steak, but also the way Ginger Fitzgerald begins eating human flesh in Ginger Snaps (2000), her eyes a disturbing jolt of light; the way Justine tears into uncooked chicken with her teeth in Raw (2016); the way Rose and Iris Parker steadily eat their father’s body at the dining table in We Are What We Are (2013), the remake of the 2010 Mexican film Somos lo que hay.

Food-based metaphor in horror is so often visceral and tacky and overwrought, so why does our delight still stand? As a woman, to say that you have found eating uncomfortable at times is not particularly groundbreaking. The anxiety has become mundane because it is so common for women, but isn’t that in itself noteworthy? Horror invites us to sit with this disgust, this anxiety, to acknowledge our appetite, to refuse to let us suppress it. There is something uncomfortable and enthralling about watching a woman devour what she likes with intent. It was the kind of eating I longed for. I looked on with jealousy, with desire, with newly-found resolve.

When I began watching horror regularly, I found its relationship with food satisfying because it often spoke to those dual desires at once: hunger and disgust. It was the same split sensation I had seeing Rosemary plunge into the steak with a fork. I was disgusted, but the disgust arrived with the ignition of my own appetite. The task was to let the hunger override the disgust. To let appetite overwrite the shame.

And, really, wasn’t my shame at eating alone about the shame of being witnessed, being caught desiring, too? To be witnessed wanting, and then to witness the capacity of your own appetite.

What if you allowed yourself to want what you want? What wonderful, terrifying things would happen then? There are dual horrors here: the horror of recognizing your capacity for desire in another person, and where it can drive you—and the horror of being observed in this primal state, unedited and unfiltered, acting on what you want.

— Laura Maw, There’s Nothing Scarier Than a Hungry Woman

#on horror #hunger #laura maw #m

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 2 months

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am i the asshole for standing near the back of a Black artist's concert as a white person?

this happened last year and it's bothered me ever since. so i'm a fan of a Black musician and went to my first show of his last year. it was a small venue, only about 300-ish capacity. i like standing at the back of crowds for my own comfort, and when i went to see him i did the same as i usually do, relaxing at the back with a drink. this artist's fanbase is also mostly Black, and i admit i also stood at the back to give his Black fans a chance to get closer to the stage as i know they connect and relate to his music more, as his songs are heavily about the struggles of being Black in america, something i don't and can't relate to, but i still enjoy him and his music a lot. anyway, the show was great, he's an incredible performer, but when i brought the show up to my friend she got really cagey and weird with me, saying that being in the back during a Black performer's set was racist and weird, like i didn't want to be seen listening to a Black artist. i was fucking baffled by this and asked her to explain her reasoning and she just said standing at the back like that showed disinterest like i didn't really care about him or what he was singing about and that i was ashamed to be listening to Black people??? (important note that this friend is also white by the way) when i told her the reasons i did stay near the back, she changed her opinion to say that i was infantilizing his Black fans by saying they need to be up front like i was coddling them. this made no sense to me but it did stick in my mind ever since, i try to acknowledge any internalized racism i have as a white person since none of us are free from it, and i would feel terrible if what i did was an act of internalized racism that i didn't realize. i no longer talk to this friend for other reasons, she ended up having a lot more unrelated batshit insane takes that i just couldn't handle and she also took any chance she got to attack and belittle me, and i dropped contact with her completely a few months ago. but this one incident has been gnawing away at me ever since it happened. i know this all comes off as white guilt-ish but i really do care about these things and try to be as best of an ally as possible.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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kittarts · 5 months

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Hey. I’m a trans nonbinary person who is a HP fan, and thanks for being transparent and acknowledging that JKR sucks while also still holding a space in your heart for what HP was to you in your youth. It feels so difficult to find people like that online? The common consensus has become to condemn entirely and while that’s understandable, there are people who still love this series because it helped them through tough times and made them feel less alone. I think that’s worth noticing. Not everyone who still likes HP is automatically transphobic, nor are they someone who condones JKR’s awfulness on the many other things she unfortunately has an opinion about, and it seems like people forget you can separate the art from the artist—yes, even if said artist is still alive and kicking. Sorry if this ask is a lot. I don’t mean to start or engage in discourse. I just wanted to thank you, so again, thank you. Love your art.

I really appreciate you sharing your feelings on it! :) you’re not the first one to send me something similar actually.

Social media really shrunk my worldview, and it wasn’t until I started having these conversations outside of the internet that I realised those condemning others are actually the smaller majority haha. They’re just loud, and therefore they’re scary.

I can go to a friends house right now and have this discussion without fear of them hurting me.

I think it’s important for people to be given the space to decide how they feel about these things. To set their own boundaries.

To be an adult and say “Jk did this. And I’m not okay with it. Therefore I won’t be consuming any more Harry Potter” or to say “Jk did this. And I’m not okay with it. But I grew up with these films and they’ll always mean a-lot to me”. These two things can co exist, and neither side is evil lol. It’s literally just about deciding what is and isn’t okay for you.

Adding on; I'm referring to enjoying the films from your youth, don't financially support her in any capacity. I would like to think this goes without saying, but just to make sure.

#Kittchats #Calling trans and other lgbt folk transphobic for referencing HP or saying they loved the movies is insaneee and I’m not normalising that.

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night-market-if · 6 months

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Spoiler Ask

So I'm going to address it all here under the cut because I've gotten a few asks in that are pretty similar and I'm sure I'm going to get more. So I thought instead of answering the same thing over and over, I'd just do a response below. Warning, spoilers for the end of book 1.

Full disclosure. I am sick. We are going through a lot of family things at the moment. My patience is probably thin.

For everyone that says MC is already too forgiving of Milo. Milo has not even come into the story yet. You've only observed memories of him. If you feel like you need an inner dialogue to tell you how angry you are over this "betrayal" or "death", I don't know what to say here. Because MC is literally just observing things at the moment. Any options that have been put forth to comment on Milo and what has happened, have been more to lay ground work and to also give a scope of the type of emotions that will be offered in the game. But literally, Milo has not even shown up yet into the story in a real capacity. So please stop sending me asks about how you are upset that MC has "forgiven" him because there has literally been no real interaction between Milo and the MC.

As for this betrayal and death thing. I am going to state this now for those who aren't going to like where my story is going so you don't need to read if you don't want to. As the Night Market, you knew you were going to die. You gladly came down and wanted to experience death. You looked at what Milo (a non magic user) was doing, and said "hey, this would be a cool experience" and then you came down here. So, yes, you are going to feel the full range of emotions that come with it. But you are also going to need to take some personal accountability for your actions. That is what is going to be explored in this book. An entity that didn't realize what emotion actually meant, came down thinking it wasn't going to be a big deal to die, and it turned out it was a big deal. A big fucking deal, in fact and that by doing so, they actually hurt people they loved. So, don't forgive Milo. I'm not forcing anyone to. But, I will not be writing an MC that puts all the blame on him. Because guess what? The Night Market would have died if he didn't do what he did. So, everyone also saying that he killed the MC? No, he literally saved the MC and billions of people. And I don't care what way you spin it? One person is never worth a billion souls. And with the MC being someone that literally cut themselves open over and over again to save most of the people living within the world, I would think they would probably not be too keen on Milo sacrificing them so they could die together in some bullshit Romeo and Juliet act.

Now, I am all for exploring how an MC comes to terms with the feeling of betrayal along with the feeling of needing to take responsibility. I am all for exploring an MC that goes "holy shit this emotion thing is way bigger than I thought and I'm angry and confused". I'm there for it. I'm excited to write it. But, I will not be writing a willfully ignorant MC that doesn't take into account that they did this to themselves as well. And yes, if you choose to not acknowledge it in game, others are going to acknowledge it for you. If you want to not read because you can't become a villain, rock back and forth in a corner and weep, or violently get mad at someone who saved the world? That's cool. I'm not offended by someone not reading it. Anyone coming into my ask box and saying "I just am not going to read now because you aren't doing xyz" I wish you a good night and hope you find something else for you because there are thousands of stories out there.

I am not interested. Nor will I ever be interested. In writing a story where I add to the plague of ignorance that is this world. Aren't we kind of all struggling enough with that in our own lives? MC is a being of compassion. They will always be a being of compassion. That is going to shift and change based on circumstances and there are going to be moments where that compassion can fall into question. When it comes to Milo, it is going to be a messy bit of confusing emotions because there is so much more than just the black and white strokes of "OMG he killed me" that seemed to be the rhetoric on here. Now, you don't want his character around? Alright. Other than when you have to see him for Gatekeeper purposes, you probably won't.

To all of you guys complaining or sending me ask after ask stating how you don't like what I am doing. I am going to tell you this and it will not ever change. If you don't like reading this, then don't read. I am not here to write a story for you specifically. You don't like the direction of a work and can't ever broaden your scope of fiction to give it a shot? Then please don't. But to have this kind of messages coming through when literally we are a chapter in? Seriously. The instant gratification is bullshit. I'm going to suspect this is coming from the younger half of my audience who is way too accustomed to a confirmation bias internet algorithm and who has had a very small scope of real life. This is of course not all of the younger crowd but it's starting to seem like a pretty good amount.

I love having conversations with everyone. My discord is always open but most of you anons hide because you are far too scared to come at me with your user name or engage in a conversation feed where more than just me can answer. I mean, you guys send me asks, citing others user names, to call them out through me. It's laughable at this point.

I love having discourse with all of you but I'm not going to keep answering the same thing over and over again and justifying my work when it doesn't need to be justified. This is a small little bit of fiction in a vast sea.

If I sound pissed, it's because I am at this point. And I'm sure I'll get more asks in that are stating they are jumping ship or that they are disappointed in me or what not. I'll delete them and move on with my evening.

To all of you who are here for the ride and just want to experience what I'm writing? Thank you. Fiction is just meant to be a form of entertainment. I am not writing anything profound. To anyone that is looking for something more, move on. I'll see everyone who wants to get mad or saying I'm too harsh, in my inbox, I am sure. Thank god you can block anons.

#the night market #interactive fiction #answering your asks #writers rant #i'm done with this shit guys

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mayajadewrites · 2 months

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I Wish I Hated You (Levi Ackerman x Reader)

summary: You don't do second chances. Especially after you gave your heart to Levi Ackerman, and he decided to throw it away so the next person has to repair the damage. Will Levi put his ego aside and finally admit his feelings for you are far deeper than you imagined? Or is a second chance out of the question?

warnings: eventual smut, this is a slow burn

ao3

C H A P T E R O N E: G R I E F

this fanfic is inspired by ariana grande's new album: specifically the songs 'I wish I hated you', 'we can't be friends', and 'eternal sunshine'. enjoy! let me know what you think, comments, likes and reblogs are always appreciated!

You wish you hated him.

The walls you let down to let him in - they need to be rebuilt brick by brick from his damage.

Levi Ackerman.

You should've known it would end up this way. After 2 years of dating, Levi didn't want to ever get married, let alone have you move in with him. He had his house, you had yours. You slept over most of the time anyways, so what was the difference?

Your lives are entirely different. Levi is the President of Smith Inc, along side his best friend Erwin Smith, who is the CEO. He has a large home, housekeepers, and spotless counters. You live in an apartment that's not ideal, but it's home. You've always had to work two jobs to stay afloat, even when Levi offered to give you money. You refused because you wanted to make your own income and not rely on anyone. You work at a coffee shop full time and you accept online writing gigs. Levi never understood why you cared so much about making your own money, but he accepted it.

As you sit on your full size bed in your favorite sweatsuit, tears start to fall from your eyes. You look at your nightstand and see a small framed photo of you and Levi from his birthday last year. He doesn't like to celebrate it since it's on Christmas, but you refused to not acknowledge his birthday. You bought a tea tasting set from his favorite tea shop and set up a paint and sip at your house, but with tea.

In the photo is you and Levi, where he's sipping tea out of his favorite cup that stays at your house, and you're smiling from ear to ear. Tears fell onto the glass, covering Levi's face. You use the pad on your thumb to wipe the tear away as you put the photo in your drawer.

Levi dropped off a box of your belongings while you were at work yesterday, leaving them on your dining table. He still had a key since you haven't heard the heart to ask for it back. Your entire life with Levi was in that box.

Your heard the vibration of your phone on your desk, the noise irritating you. It's been going off for a few hours, but you haven't had the mental capacity to answer it.

You walked over to your desk, secretly hoping it was Levi that was trying to get in touch with you.

Missed Call from Hange: 4

Of course its Hange. She means well, but she if nothing is persistent.

You press 'call back' and bring the phone to your ear.

"Finally!" You heard Hange on the other side of your phone. "I've been worried sick about you."

Hange works for Smith Inc, but she quickly became a friend to you after Levi reluctantly introduced you.

"I'm fine." You look down at your nails that are in desperate need of a manicure.

"That's code for I'm not fine at all and Levi Ackerman broke my heart."

You stayed silent.

"He's in a weird mood today. Like, way meaner than usual."

"Okay..." You waited for something else to be said. "Is that why you called me? To tell me he's acting weird?"

"Well I called you 4 times to make sure you were alive. I know Levi dropped off stuff to you yesterday, I heard him talking to Erwin about it."

"What did he say?" You were more interested than you wanted to be. You shouldn't care about the man who made your entire world shatter.

"He said that he went in your apartment and was expecting more of a mess, but that it was impeccably clean."

You roll your eyes so far back you swear you could see the past. "I picked up a few cleaning tips from him so I clean more often now."

"He also said he wanted to see if there was any trace of another man being in there."

"That would be none of his business. It's been a month since we broke up. He should know me well enough to know I wouldn't even let a man in my home that fast."

"He specifically said he wants to be the only man that's ever in your apartment."

This statement surprises you. The only man? He let you let him go. He had no problem letting the last 2 years obliterate into the universe. "Well that's not gonna happen. What's done is done, and I don't do second chances. I'll get the key back from him."

"You can try." Hange laughs. "Anyways, lets get drinks after work! I know you're off today."

You wince at the thought of getting ready and leaving your house. "Hange."

"Come on. I've let you rot in your bed for a month."

"Fine." You sigh. "Our usual spot?"

"You got it. See you soon!" Hange swiftly hung up. Everyone needs a friend like Hange - one that will let you sulk but will bring you back out of the dark place you were in.

Once 5pm hit, you grabbed your purse and looked at yourself in the full length mirror. You opted for a cropped white sweater, subtly ripped jeans and leopard loafers. Your hair was styled in lose waves that cascaded halfway down your back. You sighed looking at yourself, unfamiliar with the reflection. You've been depriving yourself of self care, letting your mind be consumed with thoughts of Levi: Why did he let you leave him? Did he ever care for you? Did he ever love you?

Your thoughts were interrupted by a text from Hange.

Hange: I'm heading over now!

You: Me too.

You pull up to the bar - watching Hange's car pull up at the same time. "Hi gorgeous!" She practically jumped on you. "You clean up so nice!"

"Thanks, Hange. This is the first time I've gotten actually dressed in weeks."

You and Hange share laughs and drinks, finally letting yourself let loose. After being so consumed by your own thoughts, it's nice to let your mind be at ease with the help of alcohol.

You're on your 3rd drink when you watch the door open to the bar and you see the raven haired man that destroyed your life.

#levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi x reader #levi ackerman smut #levi ackerman fanfic #attack on titan #aot #levi ackerman attack on titan

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fluffbyday-smutbynight · 4 months

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When in Rome...

Lately I've been rotating the Rome scene in my mind like a rotisserie chicken. It's a very short one -exactly 1 minute of screen time- and yet it feels pivotal in showing the evolution of Aziraphale's and Crowley's relationship. It also includes some interesting references, and it just feels... different from the other flashbacks.

I've been thinking about it so much that I had to go back and rewatch the flashbacks leading up to it. Take my hand (take my whole life too) as I take you on a journey...

3004 B.C. - Mesopotamia

Aziraphale is the one breaking the news to Crowley: God, displeased with the humans, is going to wipe them out with a flood of catastrophical proportions. But fret not! He immediately downplays it: it's probably just the locals. And Noah's family and the animals on the ark are going to be fine. And then God will give them a "rain-bow"! Whatever that is, it's the promise it won't happen ever again.

That... doesn't sit too well with Crowley. "Not the kids! You can't kill kids!" he points out (does he mean human kids or goat kids? Probably both), and he scoffs at the rain-bow thing.

But quick comes Aziraphale's rebuttal:

You can't judge the Almighty, Crowley!

... perhaps too quick, like a line he's been fed and he internalized. Like he's subconsciously trying to justify God's actions to himself, more than to Crowley.

As it starts to rain, the crowd around them stands unaware of their own imminent fate.

2500 B.C. - The Land of Uz

Aziraphale learns, very much to his disbelief, that despite Job being a good man, his fate has been determined by a bet between God and Satan.

Here, he gets both to see Job's despair first-hand, and to exercise his own free will.

He teams up with the "enemy"; he lies to Gabriel; he gets a taste of self-agency and a taste of the oxrib (aka worldly pleasures). He gets to do the right thing and save the kids (human and goats alike), learning in the process that his and Crowley's conditions are not too dissimilar: they both feel lonely.

By the end of it, Aziraphale is sure he will get punished by God.

And then... nothing happens.

33 A.D. - Golgotha

Aziraphale and Crowley witness the crucifixion of Jesus.

"Your lot put him on there." "I'm not consulted on policy decisions, Crowley."

Unlike with Job, Aziraphale has no say and no power to stop what's happening. Despite that (and in contrast to the flood scene) he empathizes with Jesus: asking if Crowley knew him; recoiling as he watches him being nailed to the cross; acknowledging that all it took was him saying "be kind to each other".

Notice how the events shown in the flashbacks get progressively close and personal.

From the undefined crowd at the flood, to Job and his family, to this "very bright young man": yes, God has honoured the promise to not wipe humanity out ever again; that doesn't make the smiting/destruction/suffering any less painful and unjust.

There doesn't seem to be any logic, nor compassion, to God's decisions. There doesn't seem to be any immediate consequence, too, to going against them (if you're clever enough about it). I think that -as much as Aziraphale wants to keep believing in God's ineffable plan- he must feel, in some capacity, that it's all rather... pointless.

I think that here, in front of the grueling, graphic death of a single man, Aziraphale's moral journey reaches its (first?) breaking point.

In fact, where do we find him next?

"8 years later" (41 A.D.) - Rome

Aziraphale and Crowley meet again very shortly after - relatively speaking, at least (even the scene's title card highlights that: just "8 years later".)

This time around, there's no grand event happening: it's seemingly by chance, they run into each other in a tavern. Well, Crowley is there for "a quick temptation", which is not out of order considering the setting: Caligula's Rome, *the* time and place for decadence and dissolution. And Aziraphale?

He's just... there.

Well, in a scrapped scene from the script book he said he was there to "influence a boy named Nero, get him interested in music". But that didn't make it on screen - though maybe it's still relevant, as you'll see in a moment.

Thing is, he's been there for a while. Unlike Crowley with his odd-looking attire, Aziraphale blends in with the locals and with their customs: wearing a rather pretty tunic; toasting with a "salutaria"; playing a Roman board game by himself. Drinking wine and planning to check out "a new restaurant".

...if he's even talking about an actual restaurant, that is. It's all in this post (check out the comment section too) - but to sum it up: the first thing Aziraphale does is inviting Crowley out (actually, tempting him!) to try "Petronius' new restaurant". Petronius, the notorious "master of elegance" at Nero's court. And by "master of elegance", we mean he was in charge of everything concerning luxury, aka making the court's parties as lavish as possible. Petronius, who was described as a hedonist and an excess seeker. Aziraphale has heard "he does remarkable things to oysters". If that doesn't sound like tongue-in-cheek for some pleasure other than just food, I don't know what does.

In short, it looks like Aziraphale is on vacation, and a rather enjoyable one.

I think he's had about four thousand years to let everything sink in: where Heaven and Hell stand, God's plans and what they mean to humanity (and I'm not even considering what we didn't see: the first war, or Sodom and Gomorrah, or any other horror he might have witnessed).

I think that after Jesus' crucifixion, he was like: fuck it, where can I take a break from all this? Where's *the* place I can most indulge in... being as much human as I can get to be?

And of course he ended up right there. And as the saying goes... when in Rome, do as the Romans do.

I think Aziraphale is having his hot girl summer, and not even God knows what he's been up to.

#good omens #good omens meta #well “meta” might be a generous term lol. musings?#aziraphale #crowley #oh how I wish the Rome flashback showed us more #to be expanded on/continued? possibly ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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lumine-no-hikari · 2 months

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Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #76

You know. After a day or so to process this version of events, I think I can finally put into words why so many people cry out for your blood, but not Rufus's or his father's, even though they've done things that are arguably far worse than anything you've ever done. Goodness, but isn't it the same age-old story of people villainizing abuse victims for striking back while excusing the abuser that broke the survivor to that point? And we see it all the time in my world; nobody does anything about bullying at school until the bullied person finally punches their bully in the face, and then the bully gets off scot-free while the victim gets suspended. I think of spouses who, backed into a corner and trying to defend themselves, strike back at the spouse who has been abusing them, and the spouse defending themselves gets charges pressed while the other one who had been abusing them gets pitied. I think about trafficked humans (many of them are snatched up as CHILDREN) who, in an effort to get free or to defend themselves, strike back at the person trafficking them and escape, only to then face a world who hates them for having been trafficked. And all of these things have one thing in common: the price for escaping from being "owned" is often another form of punishment or imprisonment.

Of course, I am not saying that people should call for Rufus's or his father's blood, either. Or even for Hojo's. They are not different from you - either they have congenital defects in the parts of their brain that are responsible for empathy (and pretending like this is a moral issue instead of a brain wiring issue is ableism), or they've lived lives that have beaten their psyches into a shape that makes them think that hurting other people and treating them like objects is the only way to survive. This is ALSO a brain wiring issue - though this kind of brain wiring issue is better classified as a psychological injury (due to attachment disruption or childhood trauma) than as an illness or congenital defect.

Yeah, you read all of that right. I said what I said and I meant it, and I know that people aren't gonna like it, but today I am tired and bitter from all the shit I'm seeing, and out of fucks to give as a result. I don't demonize Rufus or his father. I don't demonize Hojo, either. They have done horrific and inexcusable things and I feel very angry in response to that, but they need HELP. They, too, are capable of making a different choice and turning around. Imagine that. It's almost as though calling for mercy for you (or in other words, "being a Sephiroth fan" or a "Sephiroth apologist", as people like to call folks like me for the purpose of degrading us) has absolutely nothing to do with your looks or with trying to "fix" you so I can date you (I'm sorry, but the idea of "fixing" a person to get with them is absolutely fucking barftastic🤢🤮), or whatever other bullshit nonsense that people who have never been through severe and ongoing grooming or abuse without any kind of support (support can be from a teacher, friend, other family member, etc.) like to accuse us of. Hoodathunkit?

I think, too, that lots of people see that potentially destructive side of you in themselves, and I think they would rather see people who lapse in reining it in die than acknowledge that it's within them, too. Or perhaps living a life that is painful enough to break them into such a horrific shape is unfathomable to them. Either way, one fact remains: people don't want to own up to the fact that literally every single one of us has the capacity to do something similar to what you did, if their life circumstances break them in the way that leads to that kind of terrible, tragic, infuriating, and wholly inexcusable outcome. You're not some especially monstrous thing. You're not a lone goddamn wolf or a rare exception to some general rule or an isolated fucking edge case. And I know it because people in my world make choices similar to yours EVERY SINGLE DAY, even if their means of enacting those choices differ from yours.

The capacity to inflict horror upon other living things is part of the human condition. It is in ALL OF US, whether we want to fucking acknowledge it or not. And all it takes to bring it out is a long enough string of psychologically damaging events in the absence of appropriate support. Cases like yours are NOT random events caused by "inherently bad people"; there's no such fucking thing as "inherently bad people". There are conditions and events that lead to people doing horrific things, and these conditions and events can be found and prevented before they get to that point, if only everyone keeps their eyes open and pays attention! I spend as much time as I can trying to reach those that conventional wisdom says are "unreachable" PRECISELY in service to trying to keep my eyes open and pay attention!

Because horrific events and bad choices are like bacteria - they DO NOT spontaneously generate ("spontaneous generation theory" used to be a thing that people believed about microorganisms a long time ago)! Conditions LEAD TO THEIR GROWTH. And the solution to a person afflicted with bacteria is NOT to kill or demonize them (though this is how they used to be treated; check out most of human history!)! You're supposed to give them antibiotics to REMOVE THE CONDITIONS THAT ALLOW FOR BACTERIAL GROWTH. And the same rules apply to people who make violent choices - you remove the conditions that produce the choices, NOT the person who made them. But goddammit, I am only one person, and… fuck, there are just SO. MANY. STARFISH… stranded on the beach sand…

Also, you know… even as far back as the original game, anyone with half a brain understood that you must have been crying, weeping, sobbing openly during your time at the library. In this version of events, we saw you do that for just a moment before it was choked back and replaced with… something else (I know what this is like; I still have the capacity to cease crying immediately via dissociation; this skill was literally beaten into me, and I imagine it's the same for you). And in my world, it's popular to believe that men should never cry or be vulnerable in any way, shape, or form (this bit of socio-cultural bullshit is actually generational trauma, and it's literally fucking killing people, in the form of internalized or externalized violence), so lots of people here are going to have less empathy for you at least in part because you defied the "cultural norms" of what it means to be a man and a leader (again, this is generational trauma mistaken for culture, and it needs to fucking stop because people are dying over it). And it's so… it's so…

Ugh… Sephiroth, all of the things I know, all the suffering in the world, all the causes of it… it's all swirling around in my head today, and it's heavy. It's so fucking heavy. Watching all the people, every single one of them beautiful and good, doing what they do to themselves and each another, hurting themselves and each other, psychologically or physically maiming themselves and each other, even torturing and killing themselves or each other, all because somehow doing these things feels easier than trying to repair and restore everything… they don't know what they're doing. And there's not… there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I look at the state of things on a large scale. Our dying planet. The endless wars. The marginalized groups of people. The violence and the hate crimes. The genocides. I want to cry and to scream and to throw up all at once.

…But I suppose much of that is neither here nor there. Suppose anyone with "conventional wisdom" would tell me I'm "reading too goddamn much" into a "silly video game", but… given that the media in our world LITERALLY PERPETUATES STEREOTYPES THAT KILL PEOPLE, I gotta say I'm more than a little fucking bitter about that today.

In any case… you - an abused, exploited, and bullied person most of your life - escaped being owned by Shinra (in the clumsiest and most ridiculous and horrible fucking way possible, but still), only to find yet another goddamn chain around your neck. If it's not Jenova controlling you, then it's your trauma and conditioning pulling the strings. Either way you're acting like a goddamn puppet. There, I said it. And as much as I love you, if you don't like that I said it, then too fucking bad; maybe try actually DOING something about it.

Sephiroth. As much as I love you, I am always going to be more than a little pissed about the fact that you squandered your voice so recklessly back then. I'm always going to be more than a little pissed about the fact that you fucking! abused! yourself! for a week! until you broke! WHAT THE FUCK.

If you had simply! Told people! What you had been put through! If you had told them what Shinra was doing! If you had simply opened your freaking mouth to talk about your experiences to a bunch of people who practically worshipped you, you would have eventually had millions of people rallied with you to put an end to Shinra! Sephiroth, for fuck's sake, YOU WERE A GODDAMN GENERAL!! You know how to lead people! And you know how to protect them! Get a goddamn grip!

And I know that the mayor guy acted all entitled to your time while you were exhausted and still grieving for your friends, and it was shitty of him to pass judgment on you when he had no idea what you were going through. But ultimately, it is up to YOU to communicate your needs and feelings, not up to the people around you to anticipate what they are! And I know that the guy took your picture without your permission, and I know they didn't heed when you said "not today". But there is a difference between "having no respect for your word" and "being so excited and happy about your presence that they are unable to contain themselves". It is still up to YOU to maintain your boundaries even if other people don't like it!

Sephiroth! I know that you were struggling! And I know that you spent your whole life being bullied and abused to the point that you felt as though your voice had no power. I know that. I understand that. I am still dragging myself up out of that hole. I know that you were trying to punish evil, and that you saw these people as being complicit in the system that hurt you, your friends, your mother Lucrecia, and your planet. I get that you were trying to punch your bullies back in their faces, but you punched the WRONG PEOPLE. And even then: why punch people when you can instead wield your voice!

Sephiroth, despite the harshness of your upbringing and all the other things that make you stand out, you still have privilege! You have status! You have fame! You have power! You have a remarkably able male body! YOU ARE THE KIND OF PERSON THAT PEOPLE LISTEN TO! You have a face that people are willing to see! You have a voice that people are willing to hear! And there is a difference between holding people accountable for being complicit in a system that benefits them, and punishing people for existing in a system (even if that system benefits them) that they did not consent to being born into!

You can't even begin to imagine what I would be willing to give up in order to have a voice like yours, so that I could call for compassion and mercy in ways that would get people to open their eyes and take action in service to putting a stop to all the suffering that exists in this place that I live in.

But no. Instead of being brave and coming out of your shell to use your voice and social power in response to injustice and exploitation, you simply defaulted to your instinctual behaviors. You did the thing you've been trained to do. Like Pavlov's dog, the bell was rung and you drooled everyfuckingwhere. You used your power to cut everything down, instead of using your voice to rally people together for a cause that they ABSOLUTELY would have followed because YOUR face and YOUR voice would have been the one leading it.

Sephiroth. This fucking sucks. What you did to yourself in that library - starving, dehydrating, and sleep depriving yourself and pushing yourself past your limits while you were already strained - fucking sucks. And what you did in the throes of your agony also sucks. Punishing the people around you because your brain was addled and you didn't fucking fact-check what you were reading fucking sucks! And I do understand very well why you did all this; I was abused similarly to you, albeit in a far less extreme way, and thus a long time ago I used to think similarly to the way you did after your fall (I don't think that way anymore because I had help, thank freaking goodness). But IT STILL FUCKING SUCKS. And it was STILL unacceptable. You can't change what you did. But you can make a different choice, moving forward!

Conventional wisdom says that there is no coming back from having fallen, but I am living proof that in this case, "conventional wisdom" is GARBAGE. I would not be sitting here, imploring you to turn your eyes towards a kinder, more compassionate worldview - one that exists in stark defiance of everything I used to believe because of what I was taught as a child - if "conventional wisdom" were true. In addition, I have met other people in the course of my derping around on this broken fucken planet who also serve as proof that anyone, no matter what has happened to them or what they've done in the past, can rise up into making a different choice. And these cases, too, are not "edge" cases. They are not exceptions to a rule. The capacity to heal and grow and change - just like the capacity to hurt and regress and stagnate - is part of the human condition. And this means that anyone can turn around! No! Matter! How! Far! They've! Walked! In! The! Wrong! Direction!!

Goddammit, Sephiroth! Turn yourself around!! Because although I understand what you're trying to do, what you're doing is NOT the way to get it done! What you're doing is BULLSHIT! Maybe you think you're demonstrating your "phenomenal power" or whatever by breaking everything around you, but what you're REALLY doing is yielding to your conditioning like it's got a chain around your neck and a cattle prod in its hand! It's weaksauce! You ALREADY KNOW HOW TO BREAK THINGS. You've spent your whole life being forced to do that even when you didn't want to!

So you gonna, you gonna what? Sit here and claim that you're "the chosen one" or some fucking horseshit, as though you've taken your power back? When really you just took the easy route of doing the same old shit you've always done - bending over and making yourself a slave to someone else's fucked-up agenda, and becoming the very thing you reviled against SO HARD that you burned down an entire fucking village in disgust, despair, and rage? I ain't buyin' it, and neither should you! All you've done is exchanged one codependent relationship for another! And it's getting fucking old! You can do better than blind, subservient obedience to some random fucking space parasite that don't give even two shits about you as much as it cares about your capacity to allow it to resume its life cycle! You've gotta know that even if you really did manage to break everything (you won't, because I fucking promise you that you'll be stopped), as soon as you've served its purpose, it's gonna toss ya like yesterday's trash, if not outright consume you like a female mantis after it's done using its mate like a fucktoy!

The developers said that we've only seen 1% of your power or some shit, but you fucking know what? You could wipe the whole goddamn universe clean. You could extinguish every last star. And STILL some random fucking autistic chick from some random fucking planet in a random fucking solar system in a random fucking galaxy has your ass beat in ALL the ways that count! And that's NOT ACCEPTABLE. I am nothing! I am NO ONE. Sephiroth!! COME ON ALREADY!!

You want strength? Do the work to defy your conditioning. Do the work to love the broken things. Do the work to become someone who does no harm yet takes no shit. Do the work to become someone who can remain soft even in this sharp and unforgiving world. Do the work to get out of your own damn way. Do the work to become someone who can treat yourself like you actually fucking matter. Do the work to get up off your knees and live. DO! THE! WORK! Don't just do the same thing you've always done and claim you've won! Don't act like a pigeon playing chess - shitting all over the board and then struttin' and swaggerin' around like you're some kind of grandmaster! That's NOT how this shit works! You haven't broken free of the pattern! All you've done is changed the hand holding your leash!

You have to stop blindly giving away your power to anyone who claims to love you! You have to stop using your power in service to the conditioning that tried to snatch away who you really are on the inside! They tried to steal away your gentleness! They tried to steal away your emotions! They tried to steal away your ability to cry, your ability to be vulnerable, your ability to be compassionate and loving! Are you just gonna sit here and let them? Are you going to keep pretending like you're cruel and hard-hearted just because a bunch of people who cared nothing for you told you that's how a proper warrior is supposed to be? Are you going to keep on like this, doing the same thing you've always done, just because taking the time to grieve and to make choices that are actually in alignment with your nature are things that feel too difficult for you to do?

…Fucking hell, but some days, clamoring for you to get your shit together feels A LOT like Atreyu trying to pull Artax up out of the swamp:

youtube

Come on!!! Turn around!!! You have to, NOW! You have to try!! You have to care!! You can't let the darkness overtake you! You gotta move or you'll die!! Please!! There's still life on the other side of mistakes. There's still life on the other side of despair. There's still life on the other side of rage, of loss, of shattering. It doesn't have to be permanent!

…I won't give up. Even if you leave those of us who care for you sitting and weeping in the middle of the swamp, staring forlornly, or in shock and in disbelief at the place where you sank, I'm not going to quit. I will keep calling out your name in hopes that you'll follow the sound back to the light. Because you're worth the effort. You're worth the pain. You're worth the grief.

I'll leave you with these:

Take the hands outstretched to you and get your ass out of the goddamn swamp. Having a swamp ass is not a good time for ANYONE involved. So please. I…

…I'll write to you tomorrow. Because I love you. In the same way that any person loves their friends. Do everything in your power to keep yourself and your planet and your friends safe. I'm begging you. Please.

Your friend, Lumine

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tf2incorrectquotes · 3 months

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RED!Pyro: *shows off a letter written in glitter gel*

BLU!Scout: I ain't reading that!

RED!Engineer: *freezes in mid construction* "I ain't reading that?" Yeah, okay.

RED!Engineer: *grabs Scout by the shirt* Listen up you stupid, imbecilic, anti-intellectual piece of human fecal matter: that book was two, maybe three pages long at the MOST, and you're saying that you either are somehow so lazy that you can't spend a few minutes acknowledging the effort that another living breathing human being put in to write that work of actual art, or you simply don't have the mental capacity to read it? What, did you never pass third fucking grade? Did you whine and moan whenever the teacher pulled out a magic schoolhouse book, having a tantrum and interrupting the learning experience of everyone else because you couldn't get over your own inability to be a decent member of society? You're actually pathetic!

RED!Engineer: Not only is that comment shorter than practically anything you'd need to read to pass basic English; it's also hilarious! I should know: unlike you, I took a small amount of time out of my day to actually read the damn thing, and I was amazed by how witty and clever it was. This person could write screenplays in their spare time if they really wanted to, but instead they blessed the both of us with this. But their gift -- and let's not get confused on this, by the way: it IS a gift -- was rejected by you because you couldn't even give it a chance to see if you might've liked it, to see if you might've learned something from it, to see if you might've walked away from it a better person. Now you'll never know, because even though you couldn't take the two seconds out of your day to read it, you DID take that time to say that comment, putting how braindead you are on display for everyone to see.

BLU!Scout: ...I just shat myself.

#source: reddit #TF2 Pyro #TF2 Soldier #TF2 Engineer #TF2 Scout #team fortress 2

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nanomooselet · 3 months

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Little but Fierce VI

She winds up… there's the pitch…

Poor Nick. It never stops being funny. I'd feel sorrier that this happened to him but he's such a bastard in his introductory episode. It's like karma in advance.

Heheh. Kar-ma.

Meryl and Wolfwood behave very much like siblings to each other, while Vash and Roberto treat them like their awful terrible kids. Roberto does actually try reach out to Vash as a mentor once or twice, but of course Vash is fuck-off old and doesn't need that kind of assistance, so he's gently deflected. Roberto is old and wise enough to keep his distance. Nick, for his part, enjoys pissing Roberto off, and Roberto is for his part duly pissed off.

Still, Vash is the reason they're all even there in the first place and Meryl shows him concern. And Vash, in his way, fusses over Nick the way Roberto feels responsible for Meryl. A lot of what Vash does, he's doing pretty much solely for Wolfwood's benefit. I mean, look at this pathetic wet kitten of a man - you can't tell me he doesn't need it.

I've already talked at some length about why exactly Vash is like he is about Wolfwood, but what's he like about Meryl?

Pretty much exactly as fond. He's just quieter about it. To my read, he's confident she and Roberto can look after themselves and each other. That's really endearing to him, but not something he has to do anything about. And Meryl's not suffering the same kind of identity crisis as the Punisher/Wolfwood/Nico. Meryl knows exactly who she is, she's just trying to get everyone else to acknowledge it, and Vash does so from the first - she's never anything but "Meryl" to him, not "newbie" or "little lady". She never has to demand that of him.

Nor is she in directly a victim of his godawful brother, which thankfully means she isn't his responsibility to help - or at least, no more so than any given human. Also, it's Vash. What's that? Someone is invested in his well-being? Golly, that sounds suspiciously like he's being cared for (which of course he doesn't deserve), or (more reasonably) like someone vulnerable to being caught up in Knives's manipulations. Or just someone vulnerable to Knives period. Stampede out!

I though you guys were buddies./I thought you three had something special.

No way./Yeah, not really.

Too bad for him, he's met his match in Meryl Stryfe.

In direct contrast to every other character around Vash, she's only one there not because she has to be, or because she needs or wants something from him, but because she decided to be. She's one of the only characters with agency, after all.

Real people aren't monsters like that./He's a man, not a monster.

But I won't give up, no matter how unreasonable the assignment!/I won't abandon an assignment just because it's silly.

We can't just leave him hanging here./No way. We can't just leave him here.

And she's also decided he needs help. So come hell or high water, this man is getting helped.

It's her knack for finding the truth without quite knowing the reasoning behind it. In physical terms Vash really, really doesn't need help, and it's the mistake Knives always makes; that because Vash ostensibly doesn't have powers like him, he's in need of a defender. (And because this is Knives, that means it's up to him personally, and he's entitled to Vash and his exclusive love/loyalty/devotion in return. Any protests Vash makes are clearly just human corruption.) But what Vash actually needs is something his brother has never, in any version of the story, demonstrated the capacity to give him. Even sensitive little boy Knives back in Maximum relied on others for reassurance up until the moment he decided he couldn't.

Vash is more inclined to be someone others rely on, to the point of being maladaptive. It's being unable to help that gets to him, especially when he's held responsible.

What he needs is emotional support. Or, well... faith.

Wolfwood gives that to him eventually, but it takes some serious work, and it comes with its own attendant difficulties, like the fact that Nick's not in a position to extend Vash help himself no matter how much he might want to. Nick is, like Rosa and like Vash, a pragmatist. Do what you have to do.

Meryl has never needed that kind of direct demonstration. To her, Vash is a person, and people always need help, and she's not going to be prevented giving it. End of discussion. And despite being mistaken on some particulars, on this point she's more right than even she knows.

The contrast with Wolfwood is incidentally why Meryl hitting Woofwoof with the truck isn't just fucking funny, it's the perfect way for him to be introduced. He can't catch the same bus as Vash by happenstance because this time Vash is his actual target. He can't have Angelina II because personal transport is autonomy he's not permitted to have.

Instead, Meryl's own autonomy and narrative significance had her run the plot right into him, completely ruining whatever plans were laid for his entrance. Notice Roberto tries to steer Meryl away from the collision course they're on, to no avail, and Vash winds up flipped over. Fantastic.

Wolfwood is getting dragged around; Meryl is the one doing the dragging. When she discovers Vash's secrets, she works to accept them and integrate them into her worldview - which means that the moment she learns he's a Plant, she doesn't reject him or become fearful of him. She instantly accepts that must mean the Plants are also people. That gives her a fuller understanding of the conflict, and especially Vash's view of it, than most. It's not a matter of "Whose side are you on?" It's "How do we move forward together?"

Wolfwood's knowledge has all been filtered through the Eye of Michael, so he's more aware of the details, but can't disentangle his true beliefs from the ideology driving them.

Meryl has a better understanding of the abstract. And that, in turn, entitles her to learn what the available methods are, and judge them...

...But it also entitles her to something more precious: Vash's unquestioning trust.

It's certainly much less dramatic than the demonstrations between Vash and Nick, but I have to say: any amount of exposure to Knives and his histrionics would leave me, at least, pretty relieved to have it.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

Part VII

Part VIII

Part IX

#trigun stampede #trigun meta #tristampparty #meryl stryfe #vash the stampede #meta: little but fierce #at this point I'm leaning into the yapping #so many words #i guess she is a journalist #also nick's introduction just gets funnier. it's such an absolute shitshow #and at the end zazie's still like “well done”#i can't help reading it as ironic #like “lol great job getting hit by a truck punisher”#idk the way wolfwood interacts with other eom members always cracks me up. he fucking hates them so much

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iersei · 4 days

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okay. let's talk about black terry jr.

TL;DR: terry jr is black. that is something that should not be erased. regardless of your access to or willingness to search for the canon material that confirms this, you should not be depicting him as white. whitewashing terry by refusing to think of him as black creates an unsafe space for our black community members, and you should re-examine your personal biases if you choose to insist on continuing to see terry as white.

terry jr is black. point-blank. and if terry jr is canonically black, then he should be depicted as such.

i will concede that it is something that you might not spot if you listen through the podcast casually. it's something that i didn't know was actually official in any capacity until recently. and i would like to note that i do not have and have never had access to the dndads patreon. i have not listened to any of the teen talks in full (even the ones released to the public. it's just not my jam.), and any information or spitballing contained within is something that i have either been told second-hand or am completely unaware of. i also didn't look at the official poster (the "everything is alright" poster) that depicted both terry jr and samantha as black.

but the fact of the matter remains that terry jr and samantha are black and have been acknowledged as such within the source material.

once again, i myself didn't seek this information out enough to know it was official canon. so then why have i always depicted them as black anyway?

well when i started engaging with the fandom, i saw what was being presented to me in the fandom was overwhelmingly that terry was indeed black or at least popularly interpreted to be black. and my first and only thought was that that was nice. so i decided to roll with it.

if i really wanted to check if that was canon and it being canon was important to me, i could always have asked around. i could've sought out information from official sources. because if they were black and i just missed it in some way, i would've wanted to check myself. especially because doing so would lead to whitewashing.

but i didn't feel the need to do that because i think that just the added racial diversity was really cool to see on its own.

for argument's sake, there is still the possibility that you'd think it is simply just popular fanon. let's say you chose to not check for yourself whether or not he was canonically black. or let's say that, for whatever reason, you think that what is available isn't enough to sufficiently deem him canonically black. so let's discuss why terry should still be depicted as black even if it was "just" fanon and there were no official artworks to go off of.

i am not of the opinion that fanon in general should be taken as gospel. in fact, there are quite a few things within dndads fanon itself that i personally disagree with and choose not to engage with. the reason why this interpretation in particular is a sore spot is the question of why, after seeing the popular portrayal and recognizing the ability to create racial diversity in a space where a good amount of appearances and identities can be up for interpretation, someone would still choose to depict him as white.

why do you choose to depict him as white? do you have any personal biases that make you think that he would or should be white? do you think that it is unimportant or inconsequential to not depict him as a person of color?

what would be so compelling about making him white that you would choose to go against this interpretation? why is it so important that you continue to see him as white?

who are you ignoring in the process?

i do not think it is deliberately malicious to initially think that terry jr is white. it is the unfortunate truth that white tends to be considered the default. but it begins to rub me the wrong way when anyone chooses to stick with that idea when presented with any evidence or argument to the contrary.

though i will admit that i am not black, i am still a person of color. and i think that creating a fandom space where we can highlight, create, and celebrate racial variety means creating a space where people of color feel safer. and because i would like to uplift the black fandom member who tried to voice their own personal take on this matter, i would like to link back to [this post from vivalapersistence] as the reason why i felt compelled to talk about this in the first place.

i don't want to talk over him, but i want to point out his statement that having this kind of solid representation is important and means something to him as a black person in this community. erasing terry as black means that you would be, intentionally or not, erasing and silencing black voices. it takes away that element of representation within the fandom and does real harm to the black people within when you decide that that representation isn't important. there are real racial connotations to the argument here, and it's frankly a little callous to pretend like there's not.

so maybe let's be nice to the BIPOC in our community spaces, okay?

and i want to make it clear right now. if you want to discuss what i say here, you can discuss this with me.

#sigh. i typically don't fuck around in quote unquote “fandom drama”#but i really wanted to make my stance clear #dndads #idc this goes in the main tag i want my stance heard too

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sharonisthebettercarter · 3 months

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Well the comics did a good job squandering any sympathy and shiz for dicklander, and the show too. I only feel bad for his child self. His grown ass can get attacked by rabid kryptonian dogs for all I care.

i disagree.

and look, i ain't gonna tell you how to feel boo, i can't obviously. i can only spew out nonsense and hope i might reach you or someone else who comes along to read my long winded bullshit.

but while both renditions are pieces of shit, i feel so much for comics homie too if not more. he's even more whoobie than show homie but gets dismissed but i digress.

throughout the story, we're made to feel *suspicious* about the claims on homelander or that his story may have more than meets the eye. ennis presents it point blank. he doesn't tell the reader how to feel about homelander, or anything, or anyone. he makes it clear how billy feels, how other characters feel, but he also certainly makes it show that things aren't quite adding up about him and billy's claim. he presents the story and lets *you* the reader feel (which is what real *good* writing does)

BUT it's framed out in a way to make the reader realize he *wasn't* this big bad awful guy he was made out to be, a piece of shit sure, but and not the real monster they were after, that billy was fuckin' wrong (like his dumb ass always is), that his end and final point in the story was manipulated, coerced by outside force, and not truly justified as a result.

leik, this guy got his WHOLE LIFE fucking RUINED, his whole self image, gaslit into fucking oblivion to *believe* he was a bad guy until he *became* a bad guy, after literally never once getting a *choice* for anything, ever, at all, at any point in his whole gotdamn life.

this boi never had a chance... and even after ALL that. people STILL want to control or punish him when he lacks one major vital thing that would warrant him *actually* deserving that.

AGENCY. fucking agency, the answer is agency, homelander has none of it, never has, and still does not have it. (he pretends to but it's not quite the same, the lack of it is what makes him a ticking time bomb)

you seem like someone to really value your own agency so idk, i feel like you should get that??

BUT GOTDAMN LET THE BOI JUST FUCKING BREATHE AT LEAST ONCE PLEASE????

UGH

just try to imagine if every single choice in your life was made *for you* by *someone else*, and that's homelander. and it doesn't stop into adulthood, it just turns into a fucking fucked up conservatorship beside someone who wants to kill you, oh yeah, and stunted growth so you never get a chance to really grow up and feel like or be your own person either.

like i'm not kidding, he might as well be a child STILL in that regard and it is super fucked up how often people exploit and groom him that way. i don't care if he's fucking 16, 40, or in his 70s, the man *ain't* grown like he should be and *needs* the space to actually *grow* before we decide to fucking judge him, else we're no better than his abusers.

and when a kid commits a crime, it's the parents/guardians that are brought up on charges/trial. there is a *reason* for that.

homelander's very clear lack of sanity/mental capacity and vought being his 'guardian'/conservator?? (if he even is a real legal person...) would put him under this spectrum of bullshit, and baby i don't want to say it's ableist not to acknowledge this, but...

i mean if i'm being real, it kinda sorta is...?? wait... HOLD THE--- FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!! OH MY FUCKING SATAN--it IS!! and I JUST GOT WHIPLASH FROM WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE BOYS FANDOM WHEN IT COMES TO HOMELANDER.

this motherfucker is *CRIMINALLY INSANE*, emphasis on that last fucking part, in every sense of the word *CLINICALLY*. and when that happens, even the fucking laws in the fucked ol' U.S. of A. DO NOT 'punish' a mofo by regular 'incarceration', they still order institutionalization but with a HOSPITAL for TREATMENT. (granted there are a whole mess of other problems in this country that still do not handle this properly jesus fucking christ--)

ABLEISM! it's fucking ableism that doesn't let fandom recognize this!! EVEN some of the people who claim to love him!!

except THEN make it WORSE on top of everything *because* of the stunted growth and vought AND limited personal agency and... fuck me... UGGGGGGHHHHHHH--

but THAT is homelander. and uh... yeah. yeah, you'd probably lose your gotdamn mind too, i don't think ANYONE could walk out sane, realistically speaking. pain is easy to say we'd walk out clean from, and then we all turn into pussies the *second* it's our turn to deal.

and the whole point of the twist is to rob you of any satisfaction of his death and make you angry at his circumstances rather than at him. again, ennis doesn't explicitly *tell* readers how to feel because it's more of a graphic novel but...

i personally think the show is aiming to recreate this effect because if they can pull it off (and manage to make an entire population feel like utter ableist shitheads for wanting him dead), then they'll be pulling off some kinda magical MAJOR amazing heist of the feels for the ages that will *hopefuly* be enough to push society in some better directions than its current state (man, we really could not have asked for a better time for this series... holy shit--)

as much as it pains me, *this* was why he was killed in the comics. not just for... ugh, sadness, realism... but because it was *part* of the lesson in exemplifying what was actually wrong.

man i am just way too fucking hyper analytical with this shit and also sometimes SO SLOW i--

#homelander #the boys #the boys comics #the boys amazon #meta #character analysis #media literacy #ableism #fandom wank #well...#epiphany #and now i'm upset #i'm gonna suggest not pressing this subject further anon #at least for now #i need some time to be bitter and stew about the state of humanity #humanity

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barneswinterraven · 2 years

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a small fluff piece about bucky based on a text my husband sent me (if you have the time!) : "i dont have the capacity to love anyone but you" it can have some angst, because the situation in which it was sent to me involved some, but it was a happy ending for us lol <3

Only You

Pairing — Avenger!Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader Summary — bucky loves someone, but maybe it's not her A/N — my first request!!! i apologize for only getting to this now, my academics have been making me tired all day :') thank you @kingfleury for this prompt. it may have become longer than i intended to

It has been several days since Y/N had any kind of interaction at all with Bucky Barnes. Actually, it's been 5 days and 4 hours.

It wouldn't bother Y/N much if they weren't practically joined at the hip before he started ignoring her. She keeps thinking back to their last interaction and if she had said or done anything wrong to deserve this silent treatment.

"Hey Buckybear, are we still on for movie night later" Bucky only frowns at her question and sighs. "Maybe we could take a rain check on that? I'm still pretty beat from our last mission and maybe you should take a rest first, considering that you were almost shot to death." Y/N gives him a smile and nods as they both walked back to their own rooms.

Nothing. From that last memory, Y/N can think of nothing that may have offended him. It was normal for them to have a movie night and it was normal for Bucky to take a sabbatical from everyone after a hell-bent mission.

But ever since that day, Bucky would take extra measures to not be in the same room as her, to not even at the slightest bit acknowledge her presence. If anyone has noticed this weird interaction between the two, nobody said anything.

The first few days, Y/N thought nothing of it. She thought that maybe Bucky was having some personal days considering everything that he has been through. So she left him alone to give him the space she thought he was silently asking for.

But now, Y/N was frustrated, stressed, anxious, and even annoyed. All these emotions bottled up made her walk up to Bucky's room and demand he explain what the fuck is wrong.

Taking a deep breath, she put up her fist to knock on his door when she noticed that it was left slightly ajar. "Hey, Bu-"

"Look, I love you. Ever since that day I met you, my heart was already beating for you. And that moment on the train, I felt like my heart was literally gonna stop at thought of losing you. I can't even bear to think of another day without you in my life."

Y/N heard every single word come out of Bucky's mouth and shifted her eyes. Steve. He's sitting right beside Bucky on his bed.

With a slow intake of breath, Y/N now understands. How could she have not noticed. Best friends since birth, of course someone was bound to fall in love.

But this discovery and realization only shattered her heart in pieces. Because she has already fallen in love with James Buchanan Barnes, her best friend.

Not wanting to ruin the moment inside the room, Y/N decided to leave. And just when it cannot get worse, her hip accidentally knocks on the door, further opening it.

Both men looked in her direction, her face going red. "Y/N, what are you doing here?" Bucky utters out.

Y/N can only gape her mouth open like a fish, no word falling out of her mouth.

"I'll leave you guys to talk" Steve stands and immediately leaves the room while giving Y/N a slight smile and a friendly wink.

"Look Buck, I heard your confession to Steve. And don't worry about it, I won't tell anyone. I'm just happy that you guys can now be open about your relationship." Y/N meekly tells Bucky, shifting her eyes to not look at him.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Realization sets on Bucky's face after thinking back to the words he said before he saw Y/N at his door.

"Doll, honey, you got it all wrong. Yes, I do love Steve but definitely not like that" Bucky can only laugh at how ridiculous this situation is.

"Bucky, it's 2022. You don't need to hide your sexuality. There's no need to be asha–"

"I'm gonna stop you right there. Look, I didn't want you to find out this way but, everything I said that you heard, all of that was meant to be for you. I know I have been a jerk these past few days, ignoring you and shit. But my head has just been a mess ever since our mission on the train. Back there, you almost died. And all I could think was that I was gonna lose you when I haven't even had you."

Tears were welling up on Y/N's face at Bucky's sudden confession. "But why were telling Steve all that stuff?"

Bucky shyly chuckles, his hand rubbing the nape of his neck. "He was trying to help me out what and how I was gonna confess to you. And now I may have ruined everything."

"You're lucky that I love your dorkiness and that I do also love you." Y/N steps closer to him smiling so wide, her cheeks started to hurt but she does not care. No pain can undermine this happiness and love that is blooming from her chest.

"So you love me? Not Steve? Well, at least not in that way?" she jokingly asks.

"Doll, I don't have the capacity to love anyone but you and only you." Bucky whispers as he gently cups her cheeks and leans his forehead against hers.

#my writing #ask replies #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes fanfic

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