#I'm on my period and it HURTS OK I want comfort //cries

[crystalflygeo]

That's one way to alleviate cramps ft. dragon!Zhongli + fem!reader

cw/tags: Period sex. That's... that's it, pls do not perceive me. Zhongli is a tiny dragon on this one. Chonkli. And he has a long dragon tongue bc of course. Oral sex (reader receiving) Blood I guess it's a given??? An attempt at fluff/cuteness and humor was made.

notes: @moraxsthrone Kel I want everyone to know this is 300% YOUR FAULT (this is a link ehe). Imma just post this before I think twice and then go hit my pillow I'm hungry and TIRED and delirious. Obviously.

“Hng- f-fuck… Zhongliiiii” You groan, squirming on the sheets.

You curl into a tight ball and your arms snake around your midsection, biting your lip hard as another wave of pain washes over your body. It’s sharp, muscles spasming, it leaves you sweaty and tense and whining.

“Archons why…” You mumble, letting out a rather strained sigh.

Your body relaxes a little, melting on the bed once the cramps are over, but your body still feels sore, and it’s hot, too hot, even when you’re down to your undergarments.

A very small and rather adorable dragon shifts frantically all around you, looking very much like a distressed puppy wanting to help but not knowing very well how to.

He noses at your cheek, scales cool against the heated skin, and then laps there trying to comfort you. “I apologize for not being able to help more, dearest.” The deep voice practically echoes in your head, reassuring, and definitely not matching his current cutesy appearance.

You smile softly and run your hand along his back, the scales shivering at your touch. “I-It’s okay Li… comes and goes…”

You’ve rarely ever seen Zhongli in this form, maybe two or three times actually. A miniature and… ‘chonky’… version of his regal Exuvia, with blunt horns and claws, and the size of your torso. He almost looks like a plushie, albeit a scaled one.

He’d said it was for your comfort, and honestly, you really enjoyed cuddling him on this form, playing with his tail fluff or let him ‘make biscuits’ over your skin.

And speaking of…

Once he sees you rolled over your back again, the overgrown lizard makes his way to your belly and starts pressing his small paws over your tummy, massaging. You can’t help the laugh that bubbles from your throat as it tickles a little.

“That’s better. I much prefer hearing your laugh, baobei.”

“Y-yeah… thank you Li.”

It goes on for a few minutes, the cramps seemingly dissipated for now as he purrs content and your body relaxes at his ministrations. It’s soothing.

But now another problem presents itself…

You groan again and slightly grimace. Your body is all sensitive, hot and sore, and he keeps insistently pressing and kneading at your pelvis, skirting the edge of your panties and so close… so close…

Archons how can you be thinking on that now? You were in pain merely moments ago! And now’s not the time to…

“Darling?” You see the small dragon sniff at the air. “Are you… aroused?”

Oh, damn his freaky dragon senses.

He has no right to sound that amused when he looks so cute either!

“N-No?! I’m- How could I-” You sputter.

His hearty chuckle invades your mind. “No need to be embarrassed, my dear. It’s quite understandable.” The dragon coos and nuzzles at your lower belly making you shiver. “In this stage of your cycle, you’re quite vulnerable and your hormones-”

“Stop. Stop talking biology to me I don’t- I don’t want to hear it!” You exclaim, face flushing. And yet you feel yourself getting needier.

And you know he knows.

“Very well.” His little paws and snout skim at your thighs and you feel the mattress shift as he settles between your legs curling there as if it was the most normal course of action. “Then, will you allow me to tend to you?” His head rests over your inner tight, staring up at you with bright rounded golden eyes.

“Li. I’m bleeding. It’s disgusting…” You mumble deadpanning.

The dragon only blinks at you “Oh, I assure you it’s not. It doesn’t bother me. And even so, beneath metallic smell of blood the scent of your arousal is rather tantalizing…”

Celestia’s sake.

You cover your face with your hands. “You perverted old lizard…f-fine…”

He only chuckles again and next thing you know you let out a shameful squeak as you feel the small dragon press his nose against your clothed core, hot and dampness mixing up together and causing funny feelings to swirl inside you.

Even in this form, Zhongli is nothing but thorough and attentive with his love as he nips and licks at your skin in smooth and carefully considered paths for a moment before starting to pull off your underwear on blunt teeth and clumsy paws.

Still a bit mortified but much hornier than you’d care to admit, you help out on the task, taking out the last piece of clothing you had on and laying back down fully naked. Well. Good thing the mattress was already protected in your paranoia to avoid stains…

The slow thoughtful drag of that thick dragon tongue over your folds has you immediately keening. You cover your face still embarrassed as he laps up the residual taste of blood and shed lining, dutifully cleaning you up.

The tang of copper and iron on his tongue makes him a bit feral and he enthusiastically dives deeper, rewarded with your moans that only spur him on. His little dragon snout rubbing against your clit as the long serpentine tongue enters you. Not as thick as usual but certainly just as skilled.

“Hah… T-That feels so good…”

“I’m glad.” The dragon hums proudly. “Pleasure and orgasms are certainly good ways to mitigate pain and allow the body to unwind.”

“A-Ah! Y-You can certainly… hng… multitask, hm? Lord of Geo?”

You feel that sinful tongue slide out of you wetly, and then lick insistently at the little bundle of nerves, pulling a high-pitched mewl out of you.    

“I’d say, the fact that you’re still able to talk means I’m not doing my job properly. Allow me, dearest.”

Pleasure builds steadily as Zhongli’s forked tongue works inside you, massaging and trusting in all the right spots, as outside, carefully blunted fangs toy with your sensitive swollen clit. He drags your climax out of you languidly and reverent and you come with a broken cry, dissolving into soft whimpers as your pussy gushes weakly. A heady mix of your juices and blood which the dragon happily cleans up with more swipes of that little tongue.

Once the job is done, the little dragon sighs and climbs up to nuzzle his head against your heaving chest and you drowsily start petting along the serpentine body, his tail curling around you, either possessive, protective or simply loving and you kiss at his snout. You stay like that for a while, both soaking up the other's presence in the sweet afterglow. Until Zhongli’s soft rumble appears back in your head.

“Not so bad after all, I take it?”

“Mm… I suppose not.” You reply, groggy and already half asleep. “Wouldn’t be opposed to… do that again…” You yawn.

“Of course, darling. Glad to help in any way I can.”

#zhongli smut #zhongli x reader #zhongli x you #genshin imagines #genshin impact smut #genshin smut #genshin impact imagines #genshin x reader #genshin x you #crys writes #fem reader #in which kel and I continuously influence each other and toss around crazy ideas #oh god bye I have no words I'm leaving b y e #I'm on my period and it HURTS OK I want comfort //cries

[spnexploration]

Bad timing

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Fem!Reader

Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, reader

Summary: Set in season 5, what happens when Dean and Sam are trying to avoid angels and demons at every turn, but then Sam's girlfriend falls pregnant?

Tags: Sam angst, pregnancy, protective Winchesters, maybe a bit of hurt/comfort

Warnings: small amount of swearing, canon-typical violence. No smut.

Word count: 2.5k

Now with a Part 2!

I’d met Sam and Dean through Ellen and Jo, done a few hunts with them. Flirted a lot with Sam, before finally progressing to hooking up with him. Every so often, maybe weeks apart, sometimes months, our paths would cross and we'd fall into each other's arms again.

I knew Sam and Dean were having issues with angels and demons after them, but I didn't know the specifics. They were pretty cagey about the topic, and I didn't press it.

I’d taken a couple of days off hunting, as I never felt at the top of my game when my period arrived. Too many cramps, always hitting at the worst moment. So I’d get a hotel room and veg for a couple of days.

But it didn't arrive.

Ok, sometimes these things are a couple of days late. I did some research on cases, expecting it to arrive any hour, any day now.

Nada. Nothing.

I started to panic when it was now more than a little late. I reluctantly made my way to the local pharmacy, face feeling hot as I paid for a box of pregnancy tests and headed back to the motel.

Then the impossible two-minute wait after I peed on the stick.

Two lines.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

I held my phone in my hand, Sam’s contact on the screen. I nearly clicked dial a dozen times, but didn't.

Eventually, I sent him a text.

📱Hey Sam. Need to chat. Urgently. Where are you?

He rang instantly, concern in his voice. I told him it was something I had to say in person, couldn't be done on the phone. I was pretty sure he thought it was information about the demons, and I didn't dissuade him of that assumption. We teed up a town to meet in, tomorrow.

I got in the car and drove.

---

“Hey, kid,” Dean said, walking into my hotel room. I was a year younger than Sam, hardly a kid.

Sam followed behind him, walking past Dean to give me a hug. I turned away from his kiss, terrified of telling him. “What's wrong?” Sam said, concern painted all over his face.

“Uh, can we chat alone?” I asked Sam quietly.

“That's my cue to leave, I see,” Dean said, standing up. “I'll be outside.” He left.

I turned to Sam, embarrassed and unable to meet his eye.

“What is it?” he asked gently, his hands on my arms.

“I'm- I'm pregnant,” I said cautiously. “Surprise!” I added half-sarcastically.

He pulled me into a hug, tucking my head under his chin. I started to cry against his chest.

“Hey, hey, it's ok,” he said, rubbing my back.

I calmed down and pulled back, meeting his eyes. He didn't seem upset, which I’d been worried about.

“Have you thought what you want to do?” he asked, a little hesitantly.

“Do you want me to get rid of it?” I asked him.

He paused for a second, clearly considering. “No,” he said earnestly, looking into my eyes deeply. “But if you do, I'll support you.”

I grabbed him and hugged him again. “I don't know what I want, but I don't think I want that. Oh, I don't know!” I cried to him.

“We don't have to make a decision now,” he reassured me.

I calmed down again, and pulled away from the hug again. Sam sat on the bed and pulled me to sit on his lap.

“We have to tell Dean,” Sam said, studying my face for my reaction.

“Already?”

“I'm sorry, but yes,” he replied. “Dean and I have a lot going on, angels and demons and every other thing after us. He needs to know.” I nodded and he phoned Dean, telling him to come back up.

“Do you want to say or will I?” Sam whispered to me, as I heard Dean approaching the door.

“Me,” I whispered back.

Dean came in, noting that I was sitting on Sam’s lap. It occurred to me that he might have thought I wanted to break up the arrangement with Sam, and this was evidence to the contrary.

“Hey Dean, we uh, have some news... I'm pregnant.”

He froze for half a second.

“Congratulations,” he said, a bit gruffly. Emotional moments were never his strong point. His eyes flicked to Sam and it looked like there was some unspoken conversation there, “I'll get the car ready. Is there anything you need from your car?” he asked me.

“Wait, what?” I asked, looking between the two of them. “Where are we going?”

“Bobby’s,” they both said, not quite simultaneously but close to it.

“Why would we need to go there?”

“He's got a demon-proof panic room,” Dean replied.

“What?! I'm not hiding in a demon-proof panic room for 9 months!”

Sam tried to rub my back reassuringly. “You don't need to be there all the time.”

“Oh, what, but sometimes you're going to phone and I'm going to be a good little girl and go sit in my box?” I spat at him.

“Lucifer is after Sam,” Dean said, locking eyes with me. “He has already tried to torture me to force Sam to say yes to him. What do you think he's going to do when he finds out that not only does Sam have a girl, but she's pregnant with his child?”

“This is ridiculous, I have looked after myself fine up until now and I will continue to do so! What about my job?”

“You're not hunting,” Dean said with finality, as though it was his decision.

“The hell I'm not!”

“Y/n,” Sam said more gently, and I turned my attention to him. “What's going to happen when a demon throws you against a wall? Or you get kicked or stabbed?” His hand moved over my belly. “I don't want to risk either of you,” he said lovingly, looking at me with his puppy dog eyes.

I sighed. “Fine, we can go to Bobby's. But I'm still not living in a panic room.”

“Thank you,” Sam said, kissing my forehead.

“And I'm taking my car.”

“No,” Dean interjected. “I'm driving.”

I rolled my eyes and sighed again.

---

It would apparently take us more than a week to get to Bobby's. I refused to let Dean and Sam drive all day and all night, taking turns to sleep in the backseat. I’d had to refuse to get back in the car after a toilet break before they would agree to stopping overnight, but I'd won that argument.

I'd lost the argument about being left alone or doing anything by myself. I wasn't even allowed to go for walk. Both Winchesters seemed to have turned their protective streak as high as it could go, not letting me out of their sight.

The first night, Sam had gone to get dinner and returned with a bag full of pregnancy multivitamins, ginger tablets for morning sickness and skin moisturiser. He shrugged at me, “It's what the lady in the pharmacy said a pregnant woman would want.”

It was now day 3. We pulled into another random town, got a room at the motel. I begged them to let us go out for dinner, sick of just seeing the car and motel rooms. “I'm pregnant, I'm not made of porcelain!” I yelled.

Sam shrugged at Dean, and Dean reluctantly sighed and agreed. These boys were ridiculous.

We headed to the local pub, getting burgers, beers and my lemon, lime and bitters. It was nice to be out, seeing people and sitting at an actual table instead of eating take-away sitting on a motel bed or in the car. The boys were both tense and on alert, but at least I could also get them to crack a smile.

---

I woke the next morning and couldn't feel Sam in the bed. I opened my eyes, surprised to find Sam and Dean hunched over a laptop at the little table in the corner, whispering to each other.

“What's going on?” I asked, worried.

“Looks like demon activity in this town,” Sam answered.

“Why are we still here?”

“We don't know if they've seen us. And we are still hunters...” He glanced at Dean, it seemed like there had been some disagreement on this point before I woke up.

“I'm going to do some recon,” Dean said, standing up.

“Give me a minute and I'll be ready to come,” I said, pulling back the covers.

“No!” Both Winchesters exclaimed, simultaneously.

“Seriously?!” It was like being a child, first they wouldn't let me go anywhere without one of them and now they wouldn't even let me do that.

“It’s not safe,” Sam said with his big doe eyes.

“Fine,” I huffed.

Dean left.

---

Dean brought some dinner home with him. It had been a boring and tense day, unable to leave the room and with Sam clearly on edge. Not exactly the ‘spend a day in a motel room alone with your boyfriend’ scenario that magazines would talk about.

I went to the bathroom and came back to Dean and Sam speaking in hushed tones on the other side of the room.

“Am I cramping your style?” I asked, frustrated at being excluded.

“There's just a lot going on,” Sam said apologetically to me, before turning back to his brother and seeming to continue their conversation through the medium of significant looks alone.

“I need to go stake out the building they're in,” Dean said to me, moving towards the door.

“No, you need to sleep,” Sam said. “I'll stake it out.”

“I'm fine, Sammy.”

“You’ve been out all day, you'll stay there all night, and you'll still insist on driving tomorrow morning. I'll go and I can sleep in the car while you're lead footing us out of here once we're happy it's safe.”

Sam and Dean glared at each other until Dean finally conceded. Sam gave me a kiss goodbye before heading off.

---

I woke up to a hand over my mouth in the dark of the room. I started to struggle before my brain interpreted my vision enough to realise it was Dean. He held his other index finger up to his lip, a clear ‘stay quiet’ signal. I nodded and he took his hand away from my mouth.

“Power’s been cut,” he whispered in to my ear. “Take these,” he handed me a large container of salt, a gun, and my phone, “and barricade yourself into the bathroom. Message Sam.”

He pulled the covers back off me and guided me to my feet, marching me to the bathroom with his hand around my upper arm. “Do not open this door for any reason,” he continued, still whispering.

“Dean-“ I started to reply.

“I don't care if you think I'm dead, you do not open this door,” he hissed. “You understand?”

I reluctantly nodded and he carefully shut the door, avoiding making any noise. I quickly poured the salt out in a line behind the door and on the small windowsill. Then I pulled my phone out and texted Sam.

📱Power cut. Dean worried. Are you ok? What's happening with the demons?

I heard the motel room door bang open. I quickly typed

📱Someone’s here

I could hear a scuffle going on, but couldn't make out what they were saying to each other. The wall shook and I heard loud crashes. I hoped it wasn't Dean being thrown around like a ragdoll.

I nearly opened the door to help him dozens of times, but I stopped myself. He had been very, very insistent that I not do it, and I remembered Sam’s fear about me being injured and losing the baby. I clutched the gun and gritted my teeth to the sounds.

Sometimes there were pauses. Then there was a long silence, which was somehow worse than the fight sounds. What if they'd killed Dean? Did they know I was here?

After what felt like an eternity, there were more crashes and bangs. And then silence again.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when there was knocking on the bathroom door. Real professional, I thought at myself angrily.

“Don't shoot,” I heard Sam say as he opened the heavy door. “Are you ok?” he asked me.

“I'm fine,” I said, crashing into him for a hug. He led me out of the bathroom and I saw Dean, sitting slumped against a wall, blood running down his face.

“Dean!” I exclaimed, running to him. “What happened?”

“3 demons,” Sam said, getting down to help Dean up. “He got 1 of them but the other two had nearly killed him when I got here, but I was able to surprise them and we finished them both off.” Sam took Dean to his bed and sat him down.

“Oh my God, I'm so sorry Dean, I could have helped!” I gushed, feeling incredibly guilty.

“No,” he said sharply, although clearly exhausted. “I'll be fine.”

“Get your things,” Sam said to me. “I'm going to clean Dean's wounds and then we're going.”

We got Dean into the backseat of the Impala to rest, and Sam jumped into the driver's seat. “You know, I can drive,” I said to him.

He smiled at me, although it didn't reach his eyes. “Maybe later, I'm not sure how much avoiding demons we’re going to need to do.”

---

We drove almost non-stop for 3 more days, rotating through drivers. Dean even let me drive his precious car, but only on the highway in daylight.

We made it to Bobby's in one piece. I was not expecting Bobby to be an older guy in a wheelchair, how do you even survive to be an older hunter?

Sam showed me the panic room. He seemed like he was worried I was going to blow up in his face.

“Do you think this is necessary?” I asked him.

“I'm worried about you, Y/n,” he said, hands holding my waist. “And Dean's not wrong, they will come after you and try to use you against me.”

“Why does Lucifer want you so badly?”

He hesitated.

“Seriously, I'm pregnant with your baby and I can't know?!” I pushed Sam’s hands off me, a week's worth of frustration of being babysat and kept in the dark spilling out of me.

“I just- it's not something I tell people. I'm sorry.”

“Does Bobby know?”

“Yes,” he admitted.

“Fuck this!” I yelled, marching past him to the open door.

He caught my arm and tugged on it for me to look at him. I was about to give him more of a piece of my mind, when he opened his mouth.

“I'm Lucifer’s vessel.”

“You're what?” I exclaimed, confused.

“His vessel. His meatsuit. He wants to possess me.”

“Oh.” I took a moment to reflect. “Fuck.”

“Yeah.”

“Now what?”

He put his hands on my waist again and I didn't stop him. “Tomorrow, Dean and I are continuing our journey to stop him.”

“You're leaving? So soon?”

“I'm sorry,” he said, puppy dog eyes on full.

“Are you going to be ok?”

“I don't know."

I reached up to wrap my arms around his neck and he pulled me into a hug. I cried against his chest.

“What- what about me and the baby?”

“Bobby will look after you.”

“And what if they find us?”

There was a long pause. “I don't know,” he admitted again quietly. I felt his tears fall on to my face, mixing with my own.

The next day he left.

#sam winchester #sam winchester angst #sam winchester fic #sam winchester x reader #dean winchester #supernatural #spn #spn fanfiction #supernatural fanfiction #pregnant reader #sam angst

[teddybeartoji]

MICKEYYY i’m sneaking out of my blanket fort… leaving a treat and some flowers on ur bed (ominously)……. 🥞🌻🌷🌹🛌 i hope ur day is going super nicely !! :33 IT’S TECHNICALLY SPRING HOW R WE FEELING it’s still gray n sludgy here :((( but i hope it’s better where u are !!!

anyway anyway i just wanted to check in w u BUT i also wanted to ask….. what hq ep are u on + who r ur faves so far ?? 👀👀 idk if u’ve met noya and asahi yet but i love them sm they’re my pookies. IT’S SUCH A FEEL-GOOD SHOW ISN’T IT it makes me smile sm too !! T—T

ily mickey i’m crawling back into the blanket fort (sneakily) (ominously)….. tell armin i love him <3

ARIIIIII MY LITTLE IRIS<33333333 i love me some ominous flowers mwahahahaha thank you they're so beautiful!!!!! IT'S VERY MUCH SPRING HERE TODAY!!!! idk how long that's gonna last but today is super super good!!! it's sunny and it's not too cold either wahhhhh i'm automatically feeling so fresh n hyped lmao I'M GONNA SEND SOME OF THE SUN TO YOU THOUGH I'LL CUT IT IN HALF AND YOU'LL GET THE BIGGER SIDE I PROMISE!!!!!

here's the guy!!!! we just went outside we both wanted to feel the sun<333333 i wanted to go to the park but uhhhh my period kinda has me in lockdown though💀💀💀 fuck that bitch but even that little piece of sun made me feel so much better already🌻🌻🌻🌻

HQQQQQQQQQ I LOVE IT SOOOOO MUCH!!!!! i'm currently on season2 ep 12!!!!! I DON'T THINK I CAN PICK A FAVOURITE THOUGHHHHHH LIKE I LOVE THEM ALL THEY'RE ALL A BUNCH OF CUTIES ok maybe hinata is my favourite................ HOW COULD HE NOT BEEEEEEEEE HE'S A LITTLE RAY OF SUNSHINEE I NEED TO PUT HIM IN MY POCKET he gets so excited over everything and ahhhh he just means the world to me.....

i was gonna make fun of his height the other day bc he really is super tiny next to all of the other players but that was until he said that he's 163cm and................................................................................. i can't really make fun of him if we're LITERALLY the same height now can i.....💀

pls i almost cried already too...... the eps with tsukishima and his brother:((((((((((((((( when he saw that he wasn't even on the court:(((( yeah that got me a little bit but i'm so happy that he's more comfortable on the team now and that he's enjoying it!!!!!!!! i love him.

kuroo is so funny too............. hehehhehehe gojo has transformed into a high schooler....................................... pls the scene where tsukki asks him why is he even giving them advice when they're techically rivals and he just goes "well, i've just always been a really nice person" as the lighting is making him seem like some angel ahsghghasghaghah so silly i loved it a lot

WAITT BUT I ALSO LOVE NOYA AND ASAHI AAAAAAAAAAAA i've never loved the whole cast of a show this is kinda crazy. everybody being so afraid of asahi just bc of his size is so funny poor guy lmao ALSO bc you know i'm on my voice actor bs did u know that asahi's va is the guy who also voices kunikida??????????????????? SO COOL

OHHHHH ANDD WHEN HINATA AND KAGEYAMA FINALLY GOT THAT FAST ATTACK RIGHT???????????? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THAT WAS SOOOOO CUTE I LOVE HOW EXCITED THEY ALL GET WHEN THEY GET A POINT and i love how much they all praise each other all around????? "nice receive" and "don't worry about it" and "we got the next one"????????????????? wahhhh it really is a feel good show my cheeks hurt from watching it

i think i have an extra soft spot for sugawara too!!!!! he deserves his own little mention he's a sweetheart

THIS GOT SO LONG AGAIN WHEWW BUT I REALLY AM ENJOYING IT I LOVE THEM ALLL SO SO SO MUCH they all deserve a good hair ruffle (coach ukai is getting a cheek kiss he's so fine) WAIT ALSO I LOVE THE GIRLS!!! THE MANAGERS!!!!! THEY'RE SO SWEET OH AND TAKEDA TOOO FUCKKK I JUST LOVE EVERYBODY OKAY<333

too much love i might die ari please hold me..... cue very dramatic sigh.... IS YOUR BLANKET FORT COMFY DO YOU WANT ME TO MAKE IT BIGGER? BETTER? DO YOU WANT MORE SNACKS? TEA? COFFEE? MORE PILLOWS MORE BLANKETS????????? I NEED TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE FEELING GOOD THIS IS A MUST!!!! YOU'RE MY NR.1 PRIORITY!!!!!!! anyway i hope the sun will come out soon for you too i'm making the call rn I LOVE YOUUUU<333333

#unbelievable i didn't mention oikawa :OOOOOOO #he's in my head though.................. #i miss him i haven't seen him in.............. #a few episodes.................. #where is my dipshit pretty boy i need him back #WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHLOVE U ARIII #I HOPE YOUR DAY IS GOING SO WELL!!!!! #I HOPE YOU SLEPT WELL TOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #MWAH MWAH MWAH #ari <3 #friends!!

[mallowstep]

i hope you’re doing okay. 💙 it’s ok if you don’t answer this, i just wanted you to know folks are still thinking about you and wanting good things for you.

thank you babe (and thank you to everyone else who sent a message to this effect; i will answer them when i can)

i'm doing pretty well right now. i've been very busy at work, working on a top secret classified project (god only knows when you'll get more details than what i've already shared ;3), and also just. recovering from depression. there is so much of my life that even months out from the worst of it, i'm still trying to pull the pieces back together.

i have been writing a little. it's been difficult, mostly because of numerous incidents regarding writing and mental health (if you've been here for a while, you probably know about them; if you're new, the tldr is "mallowstep went off the wall for a bit and he's fine but it left him feeling bad"), and now i face down the summer which is...rough, mentally.

i don't know what normal looks like for me right now. i want to write but i don't know how it will fit into my life. i'm still making space for myself, in all the chaos and reconstruction. i know writing will be a part of normal for me. i just don't know where it fits yet.

it's been a while since i've felt like myself. the hollow feeling is abating. i am finding words to describe emotion again, that are more than just there or missing. i have been thinking about the stories i have yet to work on. what i want to tell next.

it has been an incredible two years for me. when i started this blog, i had just been broken up with by my boyfriend of three years, only a month or so after my childhood cat and dog had died one day apart. i was coping with so much impossible grief: i wrote the second chapter of i'll come back to you someday soon myself after my grandmother died, and i did not write anything after that for quite a while.

my wrists are healing. they hurt a little today and i'm not sure why, but they are healing.

i'll be going back to university as a natural resources major. i want a job that lets me protect and cultivate the forests i find so much comfort in. the complex webs of their ecosystems bring me so much delight. did you know trees talk to their daughters? did you know they care for their children? protect them?

it has been an incredible two years. i met my now-partner, learned how to actually trust people, and failed out of a year of college due to collapsing mental health. i went through approximately one million assessments to get a diagnosis and understand what was happening to me. i had a doctor tell me i was being undermedicated to an astounding degree. i had to let go of my beloved plants because i couldn't keep myself alive, much less then. i found a job i love so much i am eager to go to work every morning.

i honestly don't think i would've recognized who i am now, back when i started out here. i have become someone who trusts. who has connections with people. who does not fear so much. (i have also become someone who cries as i drive home from work sometimes. i have also become someone who needs to sit on the floor and count all the pieces of art i can see. we move in spirals, not straight lines.)

all of this is to say, i have been quiet on here for quite a while because i have been recovering from two years (a lifetime) of some truly exhausting events, as well as letting myself find things i enjoy. when i got out of high school, i loved what i was doing academically. i had very little passion. it had been bled out of me.

i am incredibly grateful to each and every one of you. your support, even in my period of dormancy, has meant so much. my relationship with writing sometimes feels like i am fighting my double, trying to balance both my need to use writing to understand myself, and my tendencies to ruin myself in the process.

i still don't have any promises to make, because i really don't know what's next for me. but i am still here, and you all still mean something to me.

with all my love, mallow

#ask #mine #anon #update #sorry this got like #so rambly #it's just really been an incredible two years #so much has changed #who i was when i started this blog feels like a stranger #it hasn't been an easy journey #and i have been trying to recover #to heal #to find new things i never thought to try for #it has taken so much up out of me #that being said #(if i were the promising type) #i would look for the next chapter of ashes ;3 #before anything else #but that's just a guess #who knows where i'll truly go

[autumnbell32]

*tw: depression, SI talk

I Don't Wear Mascara Anymore

I want to live, I just can't handle living at this point. And trying to explain that distinction to doctors is tricky business. "Please help me BEFORE I get to this point," I've begged over and over again. Even when you aren't at that point, even mentioning that point is risky because there isn't any room for talking about it. I can't speak for everyone, but living in the silence of long term mental illness is deafening- you literally lose any source of human noise around you. People stop understanding you, people expect you to stop talking about it even though it puts a grey veil over all of your days, people blame you, people get frustrated, people go away. Especially if it has been a long battle. I didn't choose this battle, but the fact that I keep choosing to fight it also gets stifled in the silence.

I sent a message to my doctor a few days ago telling him that these mood cycles- especially since they are happening around my period almost every month- aren't sustainable for me anymore. No one should expect me just to be ok with building myself up for two weeks out of the month, only to fall again for the last two weeks. I'm trying to do my part- I workout three days a week, I still go to work, etc etc etc. I walk talk and breathe. I slip up, though, when the symptoms are bad- I numb out with glucose because there isn't really any comfort in my life. And I'm in therapy to address that. I made my motivation very clear in the message- I will do more work to lessen the symptoms of this illness, but I can't do it alone and I can't continue on this particular path. I need my doctor's help- maybe he needs to recognize that functioning does not nullify suffering. I'm suffering immensely.

I was met with a call from the nurse saying I needed to go to the ER. "Why? I'm not su*cidal, I'm not going to hurt anyone else, and the doctor said I'm medication resistant so what would the point be? I don't fit the criteria." The nurse put me on hold and put an NP, who I have never in my life talked to, on the phone to school me on the legality of making sure I'm safe. And to ask me what I expect an 8-5 doctor's office to actually do for me. And to tell me she wasn't even sure there is anything that could help me anymore.

The answer can't always be hospitalization, there are a lot of us that are resilient but still suffering and I wish doctors would stop being comfortable with their script pads and inpatient orders. There is a portion of us that that does not help anymore, so we get written off in another way. Maybe it is just the people in my life, I'd be so glad to know that others struggling with long term mental illness have people to be patient with them and remind them of who they are. But people in my life are ok with me remaining silent and hidden. Realizing that you might be another face that fades someday because of a mental illness is an immediate gut drop. Every time I have realized that possibility, I see myself standing at the mouth of some source of human existence and I swear I feel ego death (and not in a good way).

After seeing my screen name in a depression support chat, another member noted that it is a reference to a piece of classic literature. "Yes, it is," I responded. And then I cried, because intractable mental illness makes you forget yourself- your preferences, your humanity (you become walking pain). You lose your visibility. Even if you do remember, those things aren't easily accessible when sick. Jesus, even I am getting sick of talking about all of this. Scream into the void long enough, and you are going to lose your fucking voice.

My name is Ashley and I love classic literature and horror movies and warm, rainy days and the smell of peonies and baking and helping others and weird 80s-inspired synth music and running and animals. I'm hoping that, someday in the near future, I will want to fill my apartment with plants and be semi-good at trail running and I will want to write most days and I will have a partner that will show me what love without immense pain looks like and I will want to cook for myself more and I will be able to travel and I will be able to recover some of the life that I have lost. My name is Ashley and, someday soon, I hope that I will be able to make it through a day without crying.

#mental illness #bipolar type ii #anxiety disorder #cptsd #ed nos #pmdd #doctors #nurses #treatment resistant depression #writing #writeblr #writer

[robbinggoodfellows]

@thespacecatgirl I kinda remembered my idea but its mostly just me projecting on Russ / venting. also its a lot, like I cried writing this bc oops I might have gone a bit far so just fair warning

tw: eating disorders, vomiting, sui, sh

Russel sat on the floor of his dorm during his lunch period. His mom had shown him how to do this a few years ago, how quickly his weight would drop if he could just get over his fear of vomiting. Skipping meals wasn't working anymore. Now that Roman was with him 24/7, it was impossible to get away with not eating. Russ decided he would go to his room during lunch today, not telling Roman where he was because he just couldn't deal with everything right now.

Russel vomited and then leaned back against the bathroom wall. He wiped his fingers on his vest and sighed. Just then, his phone rang. It was Roman. "I have several sources telling me they just heard you puking. Care to explain?" Romans voice was so comforting, even when he was clearly upset. "Sources? What is this, gotcha journalism or something? I'm fine, Roman. I just don't feel good is all." Russ hated lying, it made him more nauseous. "Bullshit." Roman responded, and Russel thought about how he's never heard Roman this angry, "You have too much energy to be sick, when you're sick you can't make stupid witty comments about gotcha journalism."

Russel sighed and accepted that Roman was going to be at his room at any point, and that that would entail having to tell Roman what was wrong. It wasn't like Russ didn't appreciate the way Roman cared about him but, Russel was supposed to be the strong one in their friendship. Russel was supposed to protect him and take care of him not the other way around.

Maybe, if God was as real as the nuns at his school told him, maybe God would kill Russel right now. Or at least give him the power to do it himself. In the moments before Roman arrived at Russels dorm, he had reverse engineered his razor and was laying on the floor of the tiny shower in his bathroom, deep red cuts marking his pale skin.

"Fucking hell, Russ." Roman cursed under his breath as he saw the utter disarray of the room itself. Then he saw the bathroom door, cracked open. He saw Russels arm hanging out of the bathtub like every self harm scene in a movie, 'he's so cliche' Roman thought, trying to ward off the panic as he pushed the door open. "Russel..." he said, staring into the blank expression of his friend. "I'm sorry" Russel whispered, breath hitching as his gaze met Romans. "Tell Charlie I'm so so sorry, ok?" Russ requested, but Roman shook his head and knelt down beside Russel. "No, Russ, you'll tell him yourself, ok? It's gonna be okay. I can help you, ok? You're not going to die Russel; you can't die." Roman scrambled to find bandages or gauze or something to stop the bleeding, Russels blood staining his shirt and smudging across his phone screen as he dialed 9-1-1, trying not to look at Russels face because it hurt too much.

"911, What is your emergency?" The woman on the phone said, Roman put it on speaker so he could press a towel against Russels wounds. "Hello, Im at St. Cassians Catholic School in Uranium city, my friend just tried to kill himself, he's bleeding out, I need help." Roman sobbed a bit, trying to keep Russ conscience by squeezing his hand, knowing Russ always squeezed back. "Please stay with your friend for now, but have someone go get an adult. An ambulance is on its way."

"Roman, I don't want this." Russel said, as soon as Roman hung up the phone, "I don't want to be saved. I'll just be known as the town disappointment. I'll be put in a psych ward I don't want any of this Roman. Just let this happen." Russ cupped Romans cheek gently, wiping away his friends tears.

"Roman..." Russel whispered, just barely audibly, "I love you." He closed his eyes.

To be continued...

[smutty-ki113r]

Yo I have been crying a lot today. is...period time. V-V i am super dysphoric (I'm agender btw) and my cramps were awful today. I feel a lot better now tho.

I just wish i had a boyfriend who'd either comfort me (*cough* toby) or fuck me real good when i am on my period(*choking on spit agressively* jeff pls-)

also for any other afab ppl is it weird to not mind having a pussy but hating ur boobs?? Or am i just being a hypocrite?

Anyways I am simping too hard for jeff and toby today like wth. I need to stop-

-🃏

Awww bb, i completely understand. Bein nonbinary and all I tend to feel more masculine yet act more feminine?? When I’m on mine I also get super dysphoric, and YES bro. You are not being a hypocrite in any way, you are so so valid. I also hate hate hate having boobs, man it gets so bad, and even with my binder or two sports bras I get like all bleh. On top of hating the body I was born with god gave me the worst period cramps in the world. I cant eat the first day and I literally feel like Im about to die. So i completely completely get it.

DONT INVALIDATE YOURSELF// also what pronouns do you prefer to go by, so in case i dont mess up.

Side note: y’all ever mess up your own pronouns are just go 😑

Here’s your lil lil for the day:

“IT HURTS SO MUCH” you whined, rolling around on the bed with a heating pad firmly pressed against your stomach. Scrunching up your nose and trying to fight the pain away.

“Do you need me to reh-heat the p-pad? Do you want some water? Are you hungry? Can I get you some medic-“ Toby was rambling, waving his hands around to list the things he thought you might want. You stared at him, tightening up your hands and letting them go to distract.

“Toby I just want you, maybe some cuddle-“ without a second to pass he was by your side, wrapping his arms around your waist to hold the pad for you. Nuzzling your face into his neck you grumbled “that feels better” you told him. Maybe he was a bit cringey, humming the “little Einstein’s” theme song over and over again because he couldn’t think of anything else.. or maybe it was adorable.

You couldn’t hold back a smile, your face brightening even more when Jeff came barging in. “HOW ARE YOU FEELING” he raged, his hands in fists as if he could fight your cramps for you. Toby stopped singing, knowing Jeff would either tease him about it or laugh.

“A little bit bette AGH!” You cried, biting your lip as a wave of hurt washed over you. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck” you chanted “not good”

Jeff was impatient, feeling helpless that he couldn’t do anything. Crawling over to you on the bed to hug you from the opposite side of Toby. Kissing your neck softly as he whispered cute little sayings into your ear…well…some of them were cute. “It’s all gonna be ok” he started “soon you’ll be back on your feet” he continued, “i love you so much, promise I’ll stay”… and then the “uterus if you can hear me I’m going to destroy you” which you were about to tell him wouldn’t really help but you heard Toby start singing- with words this time.

“Pain p-pain go away come a-again another day” rocking you side to side. Jeff deadpanned at him with a sour expression, staring at him with wide lidless eyes.

“No idiot, don’t tell it to come back” he started, engaging in a little bickering where they mocked eachother.

At least it was distracting, but it did get annoying after a while. You just wanted peace and some level of quiet. “GUYS STOP” you said “it hurts enough as it is, don’t kill my ears too”. They both mumbled a sorry and continued to hug you tightly. “I just wish I wasn’t born in this body, at least without a uterus” you whispered in longing.

“Awww babe, you’re real in our eyes” Jeff started.

“Yeah we don’t see you as a girl, or a guy or with any gender” Toby added.

“Gender is shit, who cares about it anyway” Jeff said. “Fuck gender”

“Yeah fuck g-gender” Toby said.

“Fuck meeee” you whimpered.

“I mean…you could have just said that” Jeff said, a new look in his eyes, a bit more…dangerous.

“Guys???” You said, backing up onto the pillows as they approached you like animals in heat. “Guys?!”

#creepypasta #ben drowned #slenderman #creepypasta smut #ticci Toby #jeff the killer #jeff the killer headcanons #jeff the killer x you #jeff the killer x y/n #jeff the killer creepypasta #ticci toby x y/n #ticci toby x reader #ticci toby x you #ticci toby headcannons #🎏 #♣️

[harryconcepts]

part III for the guys the gals and the nonbinary pals

just sat in a parking lot for 4 hours with my besties and why do i feel like harry would do that 😭 like you can't sleep and he doesn't want to go to sleep if you can't so so throws off the blankets and says "come on" and you're like ??? where are we going even tho you're already getting out of bed and he just goes out to the garage and opens your car door for you and then gets in and picks a random direction and starts driving 😭 and then u stop and get french fries or something and then he pulls into a random parking lot and you just sit there for hours in your pajamas talking about nothing and everything and sharing fries 😔

I'm so clumsy like I have bruises all the time and I feel like harry would be all 🥺 gotta be more careful baby i don't want you to get hurt 🥺 and give them kissies 😔

not to be h word on main but harry would def suck on your clit until you cried and your legs were shaking and you pushed him away

imagine going from fwb to more with harry 👀 like one day he asks you to come over😌 and you're just having a bad day but you're acting like everything is fine bc you don't want to dump all this emotional stuff on him bc you're not sure if he likes you the same way😔 and then you're kissing but he can tell you're acting a little off so he pulls away to look at you and says "are you okay? we don't have to do this" and you're just shaking your head and saying it's fine but he pushes a little and says "I need you to talk to me, need to know what's going on" and you say "I should just go, I'm not really feeling it tonight" and start to get off his lap but he puts his hands on your hips and says "you don't have to go, you could stay and tell me about it?" and you think he's just being nice but then you look at him again and you can tell he really wants to know how you're doing 😔 so you sigh and tell him everything 😔 and he would be so comforting and sweet 😔 and that's when you both realize you have feelings for each other 😌

I saw this ad for this oil that's supposed to make you more ✨sensitive✨ down there and why can i see him using that when you come visit on tour 👀 like not the first time you have sex bc it's all rushed and desperate but then a few hours later when you're just laying around together he goes "so I was shopping the other day... saw this" and hands you a little bag with the bottle inside 😌 and your eyes go wide when you realize what it is and he leans closer to you and kisses your neck and whispers "I think we should try it out" 😌😌😌

what if you're at a party with harry and your social battery is running out and he can tell 😪 he would see how you're kind of zoning out and lean over and whisper "are you tired baby? we can go home" and then kiss your cheek 😔 and you say "no it's fine we can stay" bc you don't want to make him go home but he knows you're really not feeling it anymore 😔 he would stand up and pull you up too and start saying his goodbyes 😔 and ofc he would be all "I'm just really tired tonight" so you don't feel like it's your fault 😔😔 And then as soon as you get home he's getting ready for bed bc he's excited to cuddle you 😔😔

no but walking around Harry's house with only his sweatpants on 😵‍💫 no shirt or anything 😌 and he comes down to see what you're up to and he's like okkkkkk 😌😌😌 and obvi he's pretty h word but also so happy to see you comfortable in his house 😔

harry would def ask you to sleep in one of his hoodies for a few nights before he leaves on tour or a trip so he can bring it with him and have something that smells like you 😔

ok but harry taking care of you when you're sick 😔 like you tell him to stay away bc you dont want him to get sick but he refuses to leave you 😔 and if you were cold bc you have a fever he would cuddle you to help you stay warm 😔 and just let you sleep all day 😔😔😔

my boobs hurt and I know I'm about to get my period and I know harry would be the actual best 😔 like if you were having mood swings or being more bitchy than normal he would be a little 🤨 but he def wouldn't get mad or snap at you 😔 he would just kind of have that "I'm not going to fight with you" attitude even tho he could just be snappy right back at you 😔 he would be willing to do whatever you need to make you feel better and he would hold you and cuddle you even if you had been mean to him earlier 😔😔😔and he would take a bath with you that's way too hot for his taste bc he knows it makes you feel better 😔 and he would make your favorite foods to make you smile 😔😔😔😔😔

harry would absolutely go feral seeing you ride him for the first time JGXKGSKGSTJS he would be moaning so much and gripping your hips tight enough to leave bruises and then when he's getting close he would reach down to rub your cl*t and say "come on baby, need to feel you, need you to cum" with his voice all stuttery and deep 😵‍💫

omg smoking for the first time with harry 😵‍💫 it's jus you and him on his porch one night and your legs are on his lap and you're wearing one of his hoodies 😵‍💫and he makes a big show of taking the first hit and says "just watch what i do" and then he holds it to your lips 😵‍💫 and you start coughing and he just smiles a little bit and rubs your back and says "it's ok, everyone coughs their first time" and once you get it under control you're wiping the little tears from your eyes and saying "im sorry, that's embarrassing" and he goes "not at all" and then pulls you into his lap and says "can we try something? might be easier" and you nod so he takes another hit and puts his hand on your cheek and pulls you in and kisses you and blows the smoke into your mouth😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

harry would be so good when you didn't feel well before your period 😔 like holding a hot water bottle against your stomach and rubbing your back and taking a nap with you 😔 and you would tell him to wake you up in half an hour bc you have a lot to get done but he would just let you sleep and take care of everything for you 😔

i feel like harry def gets in a mood where he just wants to make out with you 😵‍💫 just holding you on his lap 😵‍💫 and he sneaks his hand between your legs to rub you over your clothes 😵‍💫and you can literally feel his evil little smile against your lips when you gasp and whimper 😵‍💫

why do I feel like harry would get so soft seeing you without makeup 😔 like if you were part of a friend group and he'd always had a little crush on you but never did anything and then he heard you had a bad day so he shows up at your house with Chinese food and a terrible movie you can laugh at together 😔 and you're in your pajamas w no makeup and you say "oh in sorry I look like a mess right now" and he goes 'you don't, you look beautiful, you always look beautiful"😔😔😔😔 and now his crush is much bigger 😔

wait omg I have a concept so imagine you and harry are besties and everyone else can tell you like each other but neither of you will admit it 😌 and then at one point you're dating a guy and harry is all 😒 bc he doesn't have the right to say anything but he still hates it. and then you find out that the guy cheated on you so you call harry in tears and he says he'll come over right away 😔 and then he shows up at your door with your favorite food and an extra hoodie of his bc he knows you like wearing them 😔 and then he sees the 🥺 face you're making and he goes "you want the one I'm wearing, dont you" and you say "well it'll be so warm 🥺" and he rolls his eyes playfully but still takes it off and hands it to you 😔 and then you're cuddling on the couch watching a movie and you have your head resting on his chest so you can hear his heartbeat 😔 and then you tilt your head to look at him and you see that he's already looking at you instead of the movie so you smile and say "what are you looking at" and he goes "you're just so pretty" all soft and quiet and lovey 😔 and you're just looking at each other for a minute before you get really bold and lean up and kiss him 😌 and he's v surprised at first but then he puts his hands on your sides and starts kissing back 😌 and then you sit up and straddle him and start kissing down his neck and he groans and holds your hips even tighter 😌 and then you get back up to his lips and start grinding on him a little bit and he's obvi v into it but then he pulls back a little and says all out of breath "i don't- we shouldn't do this now, I feel like I'm taking advantage of you" and you look at him and say "I've wanted this since i first met you, I promise i know exactly what I'm doing" and something about that just gets him going bc he grabs your thighs and stands up 😌 and you yelp a little but put your arms around his neck 😌 and then he's walking you to your bedroom 😌 and he lays you down and says "I'm going to make you forget all about him" 😌😌😌😌 omg and then he obviously goes down on you bc he's so eager to make you forget and just wants you to feel good and he has to hold your hips bc you're moving so much 😌 and he's moaning and making the filthiest noises 😌 and then he kisses you and you're both out of breath and he goes "we don't have to do anything else, we can stop-" and you're already shaking your head and pulling him back down for another kiss 😌 and then you say "please just fuck me, I need you so bad" and ofc he's more than happy to give you anything you want 😌 and then the next morning you wake bc someone is knocking on the door but you're still cuddled in his arms 😔 so you have to get up and get it even though Harry's like "noooo don't leave me" like the cuddly baby he is 😔 and you grab your robe and open the door and it's your ex and you roll your eyes and close the door again but he puts his hand against it and says "please just hear me out, i really need to talk to you" and then Harry yells from the other room "who is it love?" and your eyes go wide bc you're not really sure what to do and then he comes around the corner with just his boxers on 😌 and you turn back to the door and say "please just leave i don't want you here" and he's trying to talk over you but harry goes "she said she doesn't want to speak with you, goodbye now" and pushes the door shut 😌 and then there's a few minutes of silence before he goes "want me to make you forget again?"

harry would go feral when he saw you wearing his clothes i just KNOW IT like maybe you're staying over at his house for the first time since you've been dating and you wake up earlier than he does so you decide to make some breakfast and you throw on the closest thing you see like his button up styles shirt 😌 and you leave it unbuttoned 😌 and then he finally comes downstairs and puts his arms around your waist to say good morning and then he realizes the shirt is open and he peeks over your shoulder and realizes you don't have anything else on and he drops his head against your shoulder and says "it's too early to be this turned on" 😌😌😌

imagine being pregnant and your baby loooooves kicking you at the worst times like when you're trying to sleep 😔 and at first it was like omg!!! and you and harry were both so excited to feel it but now it's just like please child let me sleep so you're trying everything to get her to settle down and then Harry puts his hands on your tummy and leans close and says "please leave your mum alone, we're very tired" and your eyes go wide bc she just stops kicking 😭and from then on you're convinced he's magic bc he can make her settle down right away and then after she's born there's just something special about being held by her dad that makes her fall asleep right away 😔

imagine you're cuddling w harry and he moves his hands under your shirt bc he likes feeling how warm you are 😔 but his hands are cold so you gasp and shiver and he goes "oh I'm sorry baby" and moves his hands and tucks them between the two of you to warm them up bc he never wants you to be uncomfortable 😔

the way harry would be so turned on if you had longer nails!!! and you're scratching his back when you get filthy and his mouth falls open and he can't even kiss you back bc he's moaning so much 😌 and then he's whining for you to "please do that again please"

harry would 100% put his face in your neck when you're cuddling and say "you smell so good" in a soft voice and you're confused bc you don't have any perfume on but he just thinks your natural smell is so nice and comforting 😔

harry bringing his hand between your legs after you've been kissing for a while and he gasps and says "fuck you're soaking" and you nod and try to pull him down to kiss you again and he smiles and keeps moving his fingers slowly 😌

harry would so help you study for a test 😔 like he would stay up late and go over flash cards and stuff and be hyping you up every time you got something right 😔 and then if you did well on the test he would be so so so proud of you and giving you the biggest hug and he would take you out for a special lunch or something 😔😔😔😔😔😔 and if you did bad he would be so comforting and holding you and telling you it will be ok 😔😔😔😔 and that he loves you so much and is proud of you no matter what 😔

harry cuddling you while you watch a movie and at first it's all soft but then a sex scene comes on and maybe it's something rlly filthy and he feels you shifting around a little and he smiles bc he can tell and he says "something wrong?" and you say "...no" and he goes "are you sure?" and brings his hand between your legs and rubs gently 😌 and you gasp and tense up and he goes "yeah? sensitive, aren't you" and you lean your head back on his shoulder and nod and he smiles and says "maybe i should do something about that?" 😌

wait omg i hate haunted houses and jump scares so imagine harry knows that and he's trying to convince you to go with the group 😭 he's all "please it will be so much fun" and you're like fuck no absolutely not and he goes "pleeeease I'll keep you safe i promise" and then halfway through he's screaming and hiding behind you 😭 and you're like "you said this would be fun!!!!" and he finally has to admit that he girlbossed to close to the sun jfdkgxgkdkts

he would say "you like that, don't you? you like when I call you my good girl" and you blush so hard and hide your face in his neck and he says "no, you look at me when I'm talking to you" and puts his fingers on your jaw and pushes your head back into the pillow and looks right into your eyes 😌 and he smiles when he sees how hard you're breathing and he leans closer and whispers "you do like it... filthy little thing"

having sex for the first time with harry 😵‍💫 he would be so slow and teasing and you u whimper and put your hands in his hair as he kisses down your tummy and on your thighs and you say "please don't tease me i just need you" and he would smirk and say "I want you to be ready for me baby, don't worry about anything I'm gonna make you feel so fucking good" and his voice gets softer and lower as he finally touches you 😌

so like that anon said you're fwb and you have an agreement where if neither of you find anyone else you go home together but then what if you both kind of started avoiding looking for someone else bc you want to be with each other 👀 like it starts off small where you maybe saw someone cute but you were like "eh harrys better" and then it gets to the point where you're both actively rejecting advances from anyone else 😌 and neither of you wants to admit how much you really like the other so you're just like "yeah nope couldn't find anyone :/ oh well let's go back to your place now!" and then it gets to where you don't even look for anyone else bc you know harry will be asking you to come home with him later 😌 and that's when you realize "oh shit im catching feelings huh!"

ok so like you and one of your friends have been in a friend group with harry for a while but you're not super close with him and then one day she just asks if you'd do it and you're like I mean.... if harry wants to ?? and then she asks him and he has a tiny🤏🏻 crush on you so he agrees right away 😌 and then you all go back to his house after a party or something and you're a lil nervous but also very excited 😌and he's losing his mind the whole time bc he can't believe this is really happening and then after your friend has to leave so you're getting your stuff together bc you don't want to make it awkward but then harry goes "you don't have to leave... you could stay?" and he sounds so hopeful bc he really wants you to stay bc his tiny crush is now much bigger 😌 and then later that day he's all nervous and he asks if he can kiss you and you laugh and say "you've done a lot more than that already' and he blushed and says "i know but it's different like this" and you're not exactly sure what he means but you hope he feels the same way you do 😌 and then he's laying you down and he says "i think it's time to focus on you, didn't get to do that earlier" and then it's a very long night of him finding out exactly what you like 😌

harry would literally be obsessed with figuring you out during sex i can't even explain JTSKTSKTZKG like esp if you weren't super experienced so when he asks you say you don't know and he goes well 😌 guess we'll find out won't we 😌 and he would be so cocky when he gets you to moan or does something that makes you arch up off the bed 😌

WAIT PAUSE PAUSE PAUSE WHAT IF YOU AND HARRY WERE FWB BUT NOT EXCLUSIVE AND ITS LIKE A THING WHERE IF YOU DONT FIND ANYONE ELSE THAT NIGHT YOULL GO HOME TOGETHER AND THEN ONE NIGHT YOURE OUT WITH A GROUP AND YOURE BOTH FLIRTING WITH THE SAME GIRL AND THEN WHEN HE REALIZES WHATS GOING ON HE COMES UP TO YOU AND SAYS "seems like we're in a bit of a situation... maybe you could still come over tonight... but we could invite her too?" JGXKGZKYZGLSTKSLUDLYSYSSLYKYDYLDKYDDYLFULLUFLUFLYDLYDYLD

imagine coming home late and harry was so insistent that he was gonna stay up but you know he'll be sleeping when you get home 🥺 so you're texting him on your break like "you can go to sleep it's ok i promise" and he's just like "no no I'll stay awake" and then he stops answering so you're like oooook and then you get home and he's all cuddled up and sleeping 🥺 and you get into bed and move so you're in his arms and he shifts a little bit and lets out some sleepy mumbles and then says "I wasn't sleeping" all low and gravely 😔 and you kiss his shoulder and say "I'm sure, but you can go back to sleep now" and he doesn't even respond bc he's already out again 😔

do u think harry would let you tie him to the bed even tho he's usually the one who does it to you bc I think he would and I have some thots 😌 i think you would suggest it one day and he would kind of laugh like yeah right and then when he realizes you're serious he would be like 👀👀 okayyyy I mean 👀👀 so then you obvi have a discussion abt what you're both ok with and stuff you don't want to do and all that and then when he's ready you're like ok 😌 let's do it 😌 I'm going to have so much fun 😌 and he's acting pretty cocky at first like "i don't think you'll be able to do much" bc he's used to you being a little more shy and gentle but he shuts up pretty fast when you start sucking him off 😌 and he usually moves around and puts his hand in your hair so he has some control but he can't do that rn so he's a little more 😵‍💫 than usual bc it feels so new 😌 and then just as he's about to c*m you pull away and he whines desperately and pushes his hips up but you just shake your head and say "I'm in charge tonight, remember?" and that's when he realizes it's going to be a very long night 😌

#harry styles/you #harry styles/reader #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfiction

[tinisprout]

Serendipity on a lonely night

Pairing: Jacob x gn!Reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt and Comfort, Fluff

Word count: 3,547

Warnings: mention of blood (once), some cursing, lmk if I missed something

Summary: After a bad breakup, two sad souls decided to go to a park to cry alone. Neither of them expects someone to intrude on their moment. Although they are strangers, they might make this depressing night just a little less lonely for each other.

Being cheated on sucks, but it hurt him a little bit more to find out on his birthday of all days. Jacob thought they were just going through a rough patch in their relationship, he truly thought they would make it out ok. Never did he expect to see his now ex making out with someone else. Angry and hurt, he didn't bother saying much to them and left. Going back to his apartment, he changes into his workout clothes and stuffs a handful of tissues into his jacket pocket as he leaves his house to go for a night run.

He ran as fast as he could, with abandon, looking like a mad man. He was so frustrated he just wanted to forget it all and move on. He knew he didn't need to keep a person like that in his life, but that didn't make it hurt any less. He went to the one place he thought no one would be at, the park. The man tried to slow his pace as his body came barreling at the bench, he threw his hands out to brace himself.

The impact hurt, but this new pain was a welcomed distraction. His chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath. He felt the need to vomit and so he crawled to the bush to do just that. He regrets not eating earlier as he retched up bile, burning his throat an egregious amount. Then came the booming sound of footsteps slamming on the ground from behind. Jacob hoped no one would come here he wanted to be a mess in peace, but to hell with it, he'll just leave after he finishes dry heaving, he thought.

Being cheated on fucking sucks, period. You didn't expect anyone to here and to your surprise there seemed to be a drunk man throwing up in the bushes. Maybe going out at night wasn't the best choice, but in the heat of the moment you wanted to cry alone, but it seems that wasn't in the cards. As your attention was diverted you tripped on absolutely nothing and your knees were the first to hit the ground, skidding on the pavement. Regretting wearing shorts, you propped your arms out ready to catch the rest of your body.

On your hands and knees, you were winded from running, your shoulders rose and fell rapidly. "Son of a bitch, that hurt." You bit your lip trying to hold it in this was not the place to cry, someone was here. You sat on the ground sick of it all, to hell with it, you were tired of holding back and used the pain in your knees as an excuse to cry your eyes out. Like a stream they came pouring out your eyes, changing the color of the ground.

"Um, are you okay?" 'Huh, is the drunk man trying to talk to me? He doesn't sound drunk,' you thought to yourself. Looking up at him without wiping your still falling tears.

"No," you continued to cry and you hoped that would be the end of the conversation. To your shock he offered you a tissue from his pocket and sat down, it seems he also started crying. Well, at least this man wasn't a threat. And so, you both cried not caring about the presence of the other. Both cries coming to a still as time passed, you both just sat there in silence for some time.

'This is embarrassing,' Jacob thought. When he saw the person in front of him crying, he didn't expect them to give a blunt answer when he asked if they were okay. Crying without a care, he wanted to do that, he was so tired of holding it in. Well, it happened already, there is nothing he can do about it. It seems the person in front of him was also thinking about how to get out of this awkward situation. "Why were you crying?" Yes, break the awkward atmosphere with an awkward question.

"I feel like that should be my question," you state, making a face.

"Oh well, I already wanted to cry and see you cry it kinda just happened."

"Well, I just got dumped after finding out I was cheated on, all on call. I didn’t believe them, thinking it was some cruel joke. So they send me a picture of them kissing someone else. I came here to cry my guts out, I didn't expect anyone else here."

"What a coincidence, me too. I caught my partner making out with someone else, told me they didn't love me anymore, on my birthday of all days. I ran here to get some fresh air and cry, but I guess I pushed myself too hard and ended up throwing up." He laughs at how pathetic he sounds. He notices you check your phone. 'I guess they want to leave,' he thinks while sighing to himself.

"I'm sorry that happened to you. Um, sorry if this is weird since it not happy anymore, but, happy birthday." The unexpected response made Jacob look at you, mouth slightly agape in surprise. Then he laughed, the look you made wondering if you might have said something wrong. His smile was captivating, the kind that most would do anything to see again. Who in their right mind would cheat on this man?!

Birthday wishes from a stranger at this moment felt nice. Jacob got up from the ground dusting himself off. He offered you a hand, "Thank you, I feel a little better now." You weren't sure why he laughed, but if he was feeling better that was good, he seemed to be having a shitty day. You take his hand as he pulls you up, as your knees bend you groan in pain.

"Crap, my knees." You looked down addressing the pain, there was dust mixed in with the blood. Judging on how you hit the floor, your knees we definitely bruised or at least were going to be later.

"Oh no, are you okay?"

"No," you chuckled at him asking the same question and you giving the same answer. The corner of his lips tugged up when he realized the same thing, he wanted to laugh, but his concern for the stranger took greater priority. Getting a closer look at it, it looked pretty bad.

"Can you walk?"

"Of course,... I just need to push myself." Jacob looked up and searched for the convenience store he knew was around here.

"Hey, you should get this cleaned up soon. There is a convenience store right over there, I can help you if you're ok with that."

"You know what, that would be greatly appreciated, thank you." He bent down a little so you could easily put your arm around his neck. The man supporting you relieved some of the pressure. With his help, you hobbled your way to the convenience store. Finally arriving he tells you to wait at the front of the store while he gets everything, saying it was on him as a thank you. It didn't make too much sense, but you weren't about to argue, so you took a seat at one of the free tables.

He quickly rushed through the store to get big bandages, two water bottles, Neosporin, and a small bottle of mouthwash. He wanted to talk to them earlier, but they were a lot closer and he knew his breath must have smelt rancid after throwing up. After paying, he quickly went to the bathroom and washed his mouth out with the water and mouthwash. Throwing away the evidence as he did a breath check, grabbing a few paper towels before he ran back to you.

"Okay, I'm done, sorry for the wait." You see him carrying a bag with a few things inside.

"You're good, a break from walking is fine with me," you offer up a smile and he smiles back.

"This is probably gonna hurt some, but I'll try to be as gentle as possible." Your smile fades as he gets down on his knees to meet your legs and you clench your jaw. He wet two paper towels and left two dry ones asking you to hold both sets. "Stick one of your legs out, please." Doing as you're told, he takes this opportunity to lift your leg till it's about parallel to your seat. He pours water on the wound and you jolt at the sensation as it stings your knees. Some water slides down your leg and he wipes it back up with his hand and flicks the water off his hand. "Wet paper towel please."

"Huh," you were absorbed by the movement of his hands on your leg, weird. "Oh yeah, here." He glanced at you for a moment, but he didn't question it. Setting your leg down he takes the wet paper towel and gently wipes away at the remaining grime on your knee.

"Dry one, please." 'So polite,' you thought, handing him the paper towel. He dries your wound and leg off, tossing the waste into the bag and he takes out the Neosporin and bandages. He smears the ointment on the cotton pad of the bandage, then smooths the bandage onto your leg. You two repeat the process on your other leg. "All done."

"Thank you." You slowly stand up, it still hurts for sure, you wanted to do something. "Alright, your turn buddy. You stay here I'm going to get something real quick."

"Huh, you don't need help?" He sees you struggling to walk and has his hands up ready to catch you if you fall.

"I'll be fine, just give me a minute." He doesn't push it and takes the seat next to your now empty one. He wonders what you could be doing. A few minutes pass and he hears your familiar voice. Turning to you he sees you now carry a bag. You see his eyes linger around the bag. You clear your throat, "I need you to close your eyes, you can't open them until I say." Jacob is a simple man and does not question them and follows through with the orders. He covers his eyes with his hands. "Oh yeah, I didn't get your name yet. I'm, y/n." He smiles at your statement.

"I'm, Jacob."

"Alright, you can open your eyes now." He puts his hands down opening his eyes and to his bewilderment there are two cupcakes each with a lit candle. His lips form a little pout and his eye go wide as he looks at you. "Happy Birthday, Jacob. This might be the crappiest birthday you've ever had, but I hope this makes it a little bit better."

"Wow, thank you…" Jacob was at a loss for words. There were a lot of emotions coming up again, he felt his throat go a little tight.

"Ah sorry, I shouldn't have brought up the bad things."

"No it's not that...well it partly is that, but I'm also happy. Why are you so kind to me?" That seemed like a weird question, is this not the golden rule?

"Well as thanks, of course. And I think you are being nicer to me than I am to you. Anyways, before your candles completely melt, make a wish!"

"Ah let me think," A wish, there wasn't any particular thing he wished for. His eyes wandered around trying to think of something and his eyes find their way back to you. The soft glow of the candlelight illuminating your face. A smile gracing your face as you wait for him to make his wish. He looks back to the candles and closes his eyes, 'I wish for something wonderful.' opening his eyes he gently blows out the candles. You found yourself hoping Jacob’s wish would come true.

“Perfect, now I didn’t know what flavor you liked, so I just got the standard vanilla and chocolate. Hope that’s okay.”

“That’s fine,” he says taking one of the cupcakes and pushing the other towards you.

“I can’t they’re yours.”

“It’s fine I shouldn’t eat two cupcakes this late at night anyway. Unless you don’t like that flavor?”

“Oh, it’s good. Uh, thank you then.” You both take your time eating your cupcakes while continuing to converse with each other. Taking his last bite he licks his fingers clean and you hand him a napkin from your bag.

“Thanks,” After he wipes his hands he stood up. “Can you walk okay, now?” You stood up carefully. It still hurts, but you felt like walking wouldn’t be too terrible, maybe.

“Yeah, I think I will be good, thank you.” You stagger your way back to the sidewalk and Jacob matches his pace with yours.

“Well, I go this way.”

“Oh, me too.” A smile alights both your faces, happy to stay with the kind soul next to you for a little longer before the loneliness grabs hold of you again.

“In that case do you still want my help walking?”

“Are you okay with that?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Jacob sets out in front with his back facing you, he kneels on the ground, turning his head to you.

“Won’t that be too tiring for you?

“My endurance is pretty good, besides we can get home faster this way, it’s pretty late already. It will only be till we part ways.” Maybe you would have been more hesitant if he didn’t always make sure you were comfortable when talking and interacting with him, keeping a respectable distance that strangers should have.

“Excuse me then.” As you climb on his back he links his arms under your legs as you wrap your arms around his neck and he slowly rises.

“Up we go.” he adjusts, bouncing you up higher on his back. He started walking, and like a gentleman, making sure you weren’t suspicious of him, he tells you which path he takes first before continuing to walk. To both your surprise, your time together lasted longer than imagined. You thought how he might live past you as you got closer to your home.

“Hey, I know we are still kinda strangers, but if it means anything, I think you are really kind. I was treated nicer by you in this short hour or so that we have known each other than I was ever by my ex. I won’t judge your relationship because I don’t know anything, but I think you deserve better. I hope you can move on soon and when your ready, find someone that values you properly.” Jacob lets out a titter at your words.

“Man, I feel like crying again.”

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. I hope the same for you, don’t feel down over someone that left you like that.”

“Ugh, of course! I’m not that sad to lose them, we weren’t dating for that long. I know that kind of person doesn’t deserve to be in my life… I’m sadder at the fact that it happened, it makes me feel inadequate.”

“Hey, don’t say that. Just like you said to me, I think you deserve a person that values you better.”

“Thanks.” He stops in his tracks again.

“I go straight.” To your disappointment, this is where your journey together ends.

“Ah, I go right.”

“Oh,” is all he gives as a reply. Jacob lowers himself letting go of his grip on your legs. Your hands move from around his neck to hold his shoulders as you steady yourself. When you let go of his shoulders he turns around to meet your eyes. “I guess this is goodbye.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Neither of you wanted to part ways yet, but what could you do? You both thought, this person would be a good friend to have, would it be too much to ask for their number?

“I’ll go first. Please be careful on your way home,” Jacob says, cutting off the awkward silence.

“You too. Thank you, for making this night a little less lonely,” you give him a sorrowful smile and he returns a look just the same.

“Thank you.” And so you both go your separate ways. He finds himself regretting not asking for your number, but it would be weird to go back now, if only he had a second chance. If he had another wish right now, he would have wished to see them again, not that it would have actually helped him anyway.

Finally making it to your apartment building you call the elevator sighing. You find yourself thinking about Jacob as you look at your knees, ‘I should have gotten his number.’ The elevator dings and the doors open up. Someone leaves the elevator and you take their place.

Jacob walks into his apartment building, and sees a person leaving then sees the foot of a person entering the elevator. He calls out to them.

“Please hold the door!” He starts jogging to the elevator. Hearing that familiar voice seems unbelievable. So you move to stick your head out to check to make sure you weren’t mistaken.

“Jac-” you didn’t expect a body to round the corner so fast and you reacted as best you could and tried stepping back, but their body still hit you, though it was with less force than you expected. Cool you thought, you were gonna fall for the second time tonight. The man that bumped into you didn’t think the person inside would try to come out so he had little time to try and stop his momentum and despite his efforts, he collided with the other. Not wanting to fall you reach your arms up and out to the person getting a death grip on their shoulders. The man lunges forward reaching out to catch the falling body, wrapping his arms around the person’s waist. There is a pause as Jacob gets a good look at the person in his arms. When he rounded the corner it was fast, but for a hot second, he thought that person looked like, y/n. He was right, they were staring at each other, hearts pounding in fright. Jacob was the first to open his mouth.

“Hey,” he offers up an awkward smile. You bite your top lip to keep from laughing. The elevator door closes.

“Hey.”

“You live here? You ask at the same time. This brought genuine smiles to your faces.

“Yeah, uh how did you get here before me?” He asks, stepping back to give you room to stand straight again. You loosen your grip on his shoulders letting your arms fall back to your sides. He lets go of you as well taking a step back.

“I took a shortcut. Do you not know about it?”

“No? Im new here, still getting used to this area, so I haven’t really explored around,” you hum in response. He goes to press his floor number and steps aside so you can do the same. You look at the panel of buttons and see your floor number is pressed. The elevator starts rising.

“I think we are neighbors.”

“Really?”

“Yup, same floor.”

“Huh, small world.”

“Guess it is.” Ah, it was awkward again. Maybe you both felt that way cause you were just thinking about each other, not like the other person knew that though. The elevator came to a stop opening to your floor. You stepped out first and Jacob followed. Pointing one way you give him a questioning look and he nods. You walk together in silence thinking how now would be the perfect time to ask for their number, but they’ve been silent this whole time maybe they don’t want to talk right now? Both of your minds hesitant to speak first. Jacob stops first.

“This is my door.” You look at the number on the door that is two off from your door number. Then that means.

“I’m the next door down. I didn’t know I had a new neighbor.” That wasn’t something you bothered paying attention to.

“From strangers to neighbors. Nice to meet you,” he jokes, smiling. You smile back.

“Nice to meet you too.”

“y/n, you seem like a really great person. If it’s ok with you, can I get your number? I think we would be good friends.” That should have been your line, you step closer to him, confessing.

“I actually wanted to ask you the same thing.” The two of you pull out your phones opening up contacts and exchanging phones, putting your info into the other’s phone. Taking back your phones, you take a step back. “Until next time.”

“Until then.” You turn around and start walking to your door. Jacob happily punches in his pin code. And steps into the door, but there was something else he wanted to say, so he poked his head out and saw you opening your door. “y/n,” you turn your head to look at the voice calling you. “Thank you, for making this night less lonely.” You smiled at the familiar words. “That’s it, good night, y/n.”

“Good night, Jacob.” The two of you heading into your respective homes with a tender smile. Hoping to see the other more often.

taglist: @taegurl-ne

#girly is on a time crunch #sorry if something doesn't make sense #jacob bae #jacob the boyz #jacob tbz #the boyz jacob #tbz jacob #the boyz #tbz #the boyz angst #tbz angst #the boyz x reader #tbz fluff #the boyz fanfic #jacob x reader #the boyz x you #tbz x you #tbz x reader #the boyz x gender neutral reader #jacob bae x reader #jacob bae fic #jacob bae angst #jacob bae imagines #jacob bae fluff #jacob bae scenarios #the boyz imagines #tbz imagines #Happy birthday sweet angel

[beats-7979]

Hello! (I see the request open but the last post you made was in February so I'm pretty scared...) If you're still open, can i request for Jade and gender neutral reader? but the reader is the one in denial. If you can make it angst then it'll be better! Thank you!

P.s. i love your wordings btw I'm probably gonna look at your works for wordings reference if you're ok with that :3

Sure! Requests are still open.. since no one's asked me anything! And thank you for liking my writting style!

Hope you'll like this one! Cuz Idk if its an angst XD, can say that its my first time writing an angst one shot

Your smile

Your voice

Your kindness

Your anger

Your sadness

Your likes and dislikes

Your little habits

Even the sides of you that you never know didn't escape his ever so observing eyes and ears.

How simple curriosity had pulled him far into romantic curriosity surprised him and perhaps much more so when his affection knows no boundaries.

He tried to hold his own lusts and affection with his all too profesional mask, his gentleman facade but sadly to no avail.

Little bits of his own love for you had poured out only to receive nothing in return, perhaps a friendly gesture was all but he wanted more

And you know it...

A little too late, if one can say.

Only when he was desperate

When he was thirsty of your affection did you come to realise his love for you.

But even if you knew you can only say 'sorry'

Love was not in your mind and perhaps will never be when you know you'll stay in twisted wonderland only for some short period of time, so rather than getting hurt in any unwanted emotions you can only keep those you know of as friends and nothing more.

So it was hard to see Jade, the sadist gentleman eel merman to be sad... to be this... broken...

Begging you to not leave this world only to be returned with a smile from you.

You have to return for you can't abandon those who you've held dear in your own world just for a fleeting wonderland.

Not for someone whose love you can't return.

So you left...

And you've completely broke Jade.

Like a river his tears was

His cries was taken away by the silence

His body shaking with none to comfort him

How your warmth was now nothing more than a memory broke him

And perhaps more so when he can't seem to find any ways out from loving you.

He loved you too deep...

But just like how you've became none but peices of a memory to him

He too must try to move on

Try to forget you... who he loved with his everything

#jade leech #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twst jade #jade leech x reader #twst fanfic #twst

[morgansunflower]

Baby Girl

Dick Grayson/Barbara Gordon & Daughter!Reader

Warnings:non

Words:1460

This was a request on wattpad thought y'all might enjoy! Y/N Grayson is 18 sister of Damian who is 19, and John who is 10. Y/N, trying to cope with her father's death. Only to soon find out that he's far from dead. Dick, fakes his death the only way to keep his daughter and family safe

Wearing my uniform and mask. My tears run down my face my knees trying to give out from complete shock. I shut my eye's unable to withstand seeing my dad on the jumbo screen dead. My ten year old brother John buried his face in my abdomen his arm's tightly wrapped around me, his small hands clinching my shirt. My heart drops, I feel out of breath and I feel sick. I look seeing my older brother Damian sitting by me. Sweat dripping down his face, he breaths through his mouth. Damian, shuts his eye's inhaling sharply. This can't be happening, this is a horrible nightmare, and I want to wake up. What scares me is that this isn't a dream. That my dad is really gone. I drop to my knees John hugged my neck his tears making my uniform wet where his laid on my shoulder. His left arm over my neck and other across my hip. I held him tight unsure if he needed more comfort or if I did. Cassandra, placed her hand on my shoulder. I need to get up mom needs to see us, I need to see her. I cleared my throat and stood still holding my brother. Damian, stood up and stood next to me his fist clinched. We look at each other both of us had dad's eye's. His eye's swell he wouldn't let himself cry. Damian, never would let his guard down. Unless he was only with me, Mom, Dad or his girlfriend. Damian's my best friend. I know he feels as broken down as I do.

"let's get you guy's--" Damian cut aunt Steph off

"I can handle getting them home"

"kid's" mom said her voice breaking

Damian and I moved our heads to the comforting sound of our mother's voice. I see, Mom she walked to us tears running down her face. John, let go of me and held onto mom. She held him and hugged Damian and I. The next day the funeral wearing my black dress, only waterproof makeup wearing anything different would be a awful mess and wearing my nice shoes. My family by my sides but I feel so alone. I just feel nothing but pain. We were all in the living room. My aunt's, grandad Bruce, uncle's, cousin's, Wally, Artemis, Clark, grandpa Jim and close friends. I need a break from having to lie and say 'I'm ok'. I need space or I'm going to blow. I left the Manor going to the circus my dad owned. In my gymnast uniform I had left here last week. I left my phone in my purse on the ground and walk up the ladder. I swung across on the trapeze holding the bar, below me a net. I feel the wind and feel my heart race. I remember my dad telling me about my biological grandparents John and Mary Grayson. He told me how they died that night. My dad had something in him that allowed him to heal from that pain or learn to live with that pain. I didn't inherit that from him. I don't think I will ever be able to heal from losing my dad. I remember him teaching me to ride my bike. The first time I put on my uniform and went on my first night of patrol. My first period and dad bringing me my favorite dessert. He was always there for me, and now he's gone. I swing and flip grabbing the other bar. I move around facing the opposite direction I was and swing

"dammit, Y/N" Damian sighs

I let go falling onto the net I see my older brother still in his suit and tie. His demeanor stressed and tense.

"you're mad at me"

"mad? I'm infuriated you could have at least told me where you were before you left without telling us. For all I knew you could have been hurt or.... Just get down and let's go home"

"ok, you don't have to be so grouchy Dami"

"don't piss me off more, Missy" he threatened

I got down I grabbed my purse and looked at my phone. 5 missed calls from mom, 2 from John and 1 one Damian. As well as 4 text messages. I texted my mom telling her that I'm ok. Damian and I walked out of the tent. I see the, car and looked at the barn. I take a shaky breath so many memories here.

"I'm going to go check on Zitka, and the cubs"

"tt I'll come incase you decide to do something reckless"

I roll my eye's at my older brother's remark. We walk to the barn. I looked in our elephants stall. She lifted her trunk and sniffed my hair. I softly smile I pet her long trunk

"it's good to see you Zitka" my voice pained with grief knowing dad isn't here, the one who started this

I hear growling from the lion cubs I look seeing Damian pulling their rope with a knot on both ends. Both cubs had their teeth locked on the nots pulling it away and Damian pulling the middle. Damian, takes a deep breath letting go of the rope

"your performance on the trapeze has gotten a bit better"

"Damian are you giving me a complement?" I sarcastically asked

He rolls his eye's "tt it's getting late and cold, we should be heading home so you don't get sick"

"oh please me getting sick that does not happen"

"you are a, horrible liar"

"yeah you to"

I walked to my older brother I hugged him. Damian's always been taller than me. It felt like hugging a, giant bear. Damian, wrapped his large arm's around me. We stayed there for a moment. I started crying.

"It's my fault dad's gone I'm sorry, Y/N" his voice breaking

"Damian" I parted from him I grabbed my arm's shaking my head "no, don't you dare say that, Dami" I shake my head again and hug him "I won't allow it"

A few months later still feels like yesterday dad and I were swinging on the trapeze. Grandad Bat's is missing. We all went to Gotham to keep it safe until hopefully we find grandad breathing and in one piece. I went on patrol I see a group of men in a abandoned building countless of gun's on the foldout table's. I can tell by the model of the gun their illegal. I silently drop in landing on the floor.

"did you hear that?" one asked

"probably a damn rat" another answered. A rat seriously. I need to work on my stealth "we our going to make a grand on the black market"

I extended my arm to throw mini Gass bombs at their feet.

"not if I have anything to say about it"

"it's Batman!" one exclaims grabbing a gun

"shoot the bastard!"

I nearly gasp and fainted seeing Batman! Wait that's not grandad. They shot at him he threw batarang at the barrel of some of the guns. I punch the man with a shotgun. I snatched his gun and hit his gut with the end of the gun.

"had a feeling you'd show" one said and grabbed a square box on top a red trigger

I swiftly grabbed my batarang I changed with my own design and threw it at his wrist before he could set the bomb. With all the men tied together in a circle I hear GCPD. Batman and I shot our grappling gun's leaving. We both landed on a building. I hear, movement seeing my brother's. I feel myself shaking with shock. I don't believe my eye's it could not be him. He's dead! I feel my hands shaking

"you found grand--who are you?" John asked

Batman, took his cowl off I gasp out of breath. John, began to sob. He ran into dad's arm's. Dad, began to cry rubbing John's back.

"I'm so sorry son" he mumbled

After John calmed down dad put him down and kissed his head. He stood in front of Damian. Damian's fist clinched his tears falling dad put his hand on Damian's neck. Damian hugged him. Dad, rubbed his back.

"no lecture" dad asked Damian chuckling

"I'll leave it to mom" Damian cried

Dad and Damian parted. Dad kissed his head with tears.

"I'm sorry for what I did son"

Dad, walked to me I shook my head fighting my tears. I hit my foot on the ground. Dad, hugged me I broke down sobbing. I clinch his cape burying my face in his neck.

"I'm so sorry baby girl"

"don't ever do that to me, again" I sobbed

He kissed my head "I promise you I won't. I missed you kid's so much"

#Dick Grayson X daughter reader #Dick Grayson X Reader #Barbara Gordon X daughter reader #Platonic relationships #Fake death #Grief #Mourning #Crying #Heavy angst #Damian Wayne is Dick Grayson's son #Damian Wayne #John Grayson #Acrobat #Elephant #Circus #Fluff #Hurt comfort #Damian Wayne loves his little sister #Dickbabs #DickBabs #Dick Grayson X Barbara Gordon #This is not my best #Hope you enjoyed

[huntective-kyeo]

❗Warning❗ TYPOS, SPELLING, AND GRAMMAR. And English is not my first language. Kinda angry hehehe

This is my first time to post it here and I hope you like it. Feel free to criticize my writing so I can improve.

So enjoy.

FIRST FANFIC

My Father is Dean Winchester

Dean POV

I sat down on the chair and open the lid of the beer. It's been hectic two weeks. Sam and I hunt a witch in Colorado and it took us a week to find the witch and killed it. That witch got Sam to bruise his ankle, and a concussion but thankfully nothing major injuries that needed stitches and so. Most of all the sonavabitch wore witch almost touch and probably hex my Baby which I did make her pay for it.

All in all, it took us a few days to get back at the bunker and now I'm sitting on the chair, probably wanted to eat some pies and get drunk.

My thoughts interrupt when the door opened and I looked up wonder who that person is. My instinct is to grab my trustful gun and aim it towards that intruder. However instead of getting alert, and hunting instinct it exactly quite opposite to what I feel right now.

Third POV.

A girl took a deep breath and with her shaky hand, she holds the handle and she pauses before she opened the door.

She didn't know what to do or what to say. She felt nervous to face them all. She wants to keep it secret however it keeps harder and harder to hide all the symptoms she felt during the last few months.

with heavy heart and soul, she opened the door and wish that bunker is well as empty as when she leaves it a few hours ago.

She didn't notice that the Impala, her first love park on her usual spot, she didn't notice a man sit on the chair seem like thinking something, she didn't notice her dad.

Dean POV

" y/n? " I blurted out. I didn't notice that my daughter y/n leave the bunker without telling us, or wasn't I?

Y/n my precious daughter, my little sunshine, and the only reason aside from my little brother who keeps me alive. 16 years ago Her mother and I met at the bar and happened to have one night stand. I was drunk to forget us condoms. I didn't realize it until, nine months later, Kylia found me and she shove the newly baby born into arms. I didn't hear her rants about not wanting kids because I was so fallen to my baby girl. I swear y/n is the most beautiful baby girl that I've ever seen. From that fateful night, I swore that I protect and love her no matter what.

With the help of my brother and my family, we did a good job raising a finest and yet mini-me y/n which kinda bit frustrated when she becomes a rebellious teenager and seeking for a new way to hunt.

I know that being a father and hunter ain't hood to raise a child in a world full of darkness but I did try my best to become a father that she deserved and not the father that I used to grow up

I again clear up my throat and by the time that I saw her, I know something is terrible up. Called it father instinct. My stomach began to feel something that I don't know if it's about the food or the worriedness about my daughter.

"Where have you been, I told you not to go outside not unless if you needed something but should-" I stumble and am shocked by a sudden hug coming from my daughter. My eyebrows meet and speculate more thoughts about what happened to her during a few weeks.

Then suddenly y/n cried up and my heart broke up thousand of pieces. Through I used to her cry of nonsense but this is different. I can feel it.

I began to think of a different reason why she cried like this. Is she on her period? Did a boy break her heart? If it is, then who? Oh god, my baby girl is heartbroken?! No-no-no.

" Hey, baby girl what's wrong? " I managed to ask a few words as I stroke her hair.

I didn't get her reply as she continues sobbing and sniffing on my chest. I continuously stroke her hair and rubbed a small circle on her back. With her tears I heard, I began to tear up which probably I got hurt when my baby girl gets hurt.

I saw Sam holding a can and some books and gave me confused look. I know he was confused about what is going on and the same as me. I only gave her shrug off before concentrate on keeping her calm down.

I sigh and sing a song that makes her calm down. It's a song that I always sing to her whenever she feels scared and upset. it her lullaby and till now I always sing to her when she felt like this. And now even though she's growing up ain't stopping this.

'Hey Jude, don't make it bad

Take a sad song and make it better

Remember to let her into your heart

Then you can start to make it better'

I sang softly and smile. I heard her sobs subside and her shoulder is no longer tensed. I kissed her head and quietly sing the rest of the song

By the song ends, y/n look up to me and hate to see her red-rimmed eyes and red nose face at me.

" Daddy... "

Y/n POV

After the song finish, I felt quite comfortable and my heart no longer pains me.

" daddy" I called up again. I hate seeing my dad worried glances and I wanted to back down but I know it's too late, now that I cried to his chest, and makes my father worried.

" what's wrong, princess " I nearly chuckle to hear the old nickname that I used to love but hate now. I should give my father annoying and death glares to him but I'm drained and tired to argue with my father.

Instead of the reply to his question, I took a piece of paper inside my leather jacket. With my shaky hand, I hesitate to give it to him. I saw my father unfold the paper and read it.

I know he reads it as I saw his face turn to a worried and horrifying face. I bit my lip as teardrops start to stream to his face and suddenly it aches my heart.

I didn't realize that my uncle Sam was there and he took the paper that my dad read it. My dad was frozen and saw Sam has the same reaction but he stumbled a bit and luckily sat on the chair or else he would hurt more.

The air was tense and several minutes seemed like a century to me as I was forced to see my dad and uncle of their horrifying reaction.

I was about to leave them and lock them up in my room but my dad grabs my wrist and put pressure on it, so I couldn't shove it off, I hesitate to look at his now red-rimmed eyes just like mine.

" Is this true? "

My heart broke as I nod

" when... When did it start? "

I flinched to hear a tone when my dad wanted a straight answer but I could see the difference of it. Instead of deadly and threatened, it's a broken and saddened tone that probably haunt me the rest of my life.

" honey, when did start... " I look up to him as a surprise to hear the familiar fatherly sweet tone that only me can know.

"a few months ago. When you just back from purgatory dad... " I mumble but I know that dad heard it because he mumbles coherent words that I know he's cursing, I wish it's not from me.

Then suddenly my dad sat down on the chair and then he hugged tightly couldn't breathe but slightly loose the tightness but still hugging me

" We can pull this up alright, we will. N/n we will fight this together okay, we'll find ways to rid this shit. We will be on your battle. " I then look up at my father and saw the tense and urging look " we will fight this out but you'll do your job ok, you'll kick this shit out, and keep fighting. Don't give up okay please, little n/n. " I heard him crack as didn't say anything considering, I was crying again and the inky response I can get is nodding.

Then I hug my father again and I feel another wrapped strong arms. I smile softly that uncle Sam joined the party. Now we are Complete, I feel like I'm ready to fight this shut out.

" Winchester is hard to kill, not even cancer. " I chuckle to hear uncle Sammy spoke.

"Yeah right, so you gonna do your part little princess, aright. Don't give up. " My father kiss my forehead. We parted away and wipes the tears we have. We laugh as we sniffle then finally our tears died down.

My father, Dean wipe the remaining tears and I look up to him confused. I saw him sad and regret my eyes and my heart sank.

" I love you N/Niepie, " then he kisses my forehead.

----AND CUT!!! ---

" Nice work J2 and Jodi damn there are no dried tears here " Robert yelled as all the staff and crew wipe their tears. " okay thirty minutes break, Jared, come to me I gotta asked you something" he added.

A group of assistants swarms the actors and did their task. Some wipe their sweats, do makeup, fixing their hair, and so on.

Jensen chuckles a little bit and wipes the remaining tears from his eyes.

" nice job dude, seem like the Days of our Lives gig paid off huh" A sixteen years old, young actress Jodi Smith tease him.

He rolled his eyes and ruffle her hair. " nice try but no you not riding my Baby" Jodi groan and about to reply when her assistant came and whisper to her ear "You're lucky, Mr. Ackles. Robert needs me now but I won't stop bothering you not until I sat on the driver seat and ride the impala".

When Jodi is out of sight, Jensen Ackles began to walk through his trailer. The thirty minutes of break is not enough of yearning for his daughter.

By the time he got inside. He locks it and sits on the couch. He rubbed his tired face as he grabs the old filthy Cinderella wallet. Today scene was emotional to him, not because of the scene itself but because he truly did miss his daughter y/n

In the finale of season 12, alongside Jack Kline played Alexander Calvert, and y/n Winchester played Jodi Smith we're both introduced and a new cast of Supernatural. Jensen was supposed to be glad that there are two new members of their family, but instead, it replaces guilt and dreadful feelings.

It's not the new cast members but the fact that Jodi Smith portrays is seem a great punch to his heart that he starts to realize he still has a daughter that should be taken care of.

No one knows not even Jared. Danneel and the kids, the crew nor the fans knew that the great Jensen Ackles has a secret daughter and only his close family knew about this truth.

" I'm sorry princess, How I wish I was there for you but you know I can't."

Jensen stroke a faded picture of an eight-year-old girl holding a doll whilst hugging the twenty-year-old Jensen Ackles.

" I'm sorry, I love you" he kisses the picture with so much love and tears began to stream down his cheeks

Hope you like it keep safe everyone. Reblog and like will yah.

#winchester x daughter reader #supernatural #jensen x daughter reader #jensen ackles #x daughter reader #dean x Reader #dean x daughter reader

[gayoperatorgunclub]

For the ultimate ship meme, Lion and Doc? I'm sorry, I'm LionDoc trash-

it’s all good!! whenever someone sends in an ask, i get an excuse to talk/write about one of my interests! really, it makes me so happy to be able to create content that people hopefully enjoy!! 💝💝💝

General:

Rate the Ship -   Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - until the end of time, babey

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - it was love at first sight but then they started talking i do think it was some form of ~interest~ in one another at first sight, but then all that drama and lack of communication happened so they didn’t really allow themselves to even dream about the possibility of a relationship. HOWEVER! once lion joined rainbow and they talked their shit out like people who know how to cope, there was a period of a few months that is now referred to as The Four Months of Pining™, during which glaz did a lot of paintings where the subject (who usually bears an uncanny resemblance to doc or lion) is staring at something (or someone) longingly. he calls it his french period. when they finally get together, a LOT of money changes hands. and goes straight into sledge’s pocket (he was the only one who bet that it would take them this long). diana gets a brand new collar (handmade), bed (handmade), dish (handmade), and many new toys (some handmade, some store-bought. sledge’s craftsmanship can only get him so far) 

How was their first kiss? - you know how the french are supposed to be super suave and confident??? and how gay people are trying their hardest but they’re just Not Good at things????? (i know these are stereotypes but stay with me). well, with their 5/8 french blood (i hc one of doc’s parents is fully algerian while the other is half french, half algerian), and their 4/4 gay blood, they have an 81.25% chance of success in matters of the heart. sadly, that 18.75% chance of failure came into play during this situation. picture it. doc and lion. romantic, home-cooked dinner. le festin is playing in the background. they’re holding hands over the table. suddenly, doc’s cat goes into labour. all hell breaks loose. lion is getting flashbacks to his son’s birth, so now he’s hyperventilating. doc carries him to the couch and turns on the fan so he can cool off and catch his breath, before carefully moving his cat, Rayie (arabic for gorgeous, pronounced rye-ah) to the living room in his handmade Birthing Box, then grabs a pile of blankets and a heat lamp and situates himself on the ground nearby so he can help her if she needs it. once the kittens are born (they’re twins!! Sadiqi is the boy, and Amirti is the girl!!!) doc makes sure they’re nice and warm and that Rayie is recovering, and gives her pets while she cleans her babies. once the happy family is all settled in for the night, doc walks over to the couch and just. lays down on top of lion. once he’s gotten over the adrenaline of the birth, he takes lion’s face in his hands and says “promise me you’ll be more calm if we ever decide to have kids” and gives him a BIG smooch while lion’s just short-circuiting like “does he know i have a son???? did i forget to mention my son?????? also what about these kittens??? are they not sufficiently childish to count as children????? DOES HE WANT KIDS????? does he want to marry me??????? wait why is he getting so clo-”

Wedding:

Who proposed? - lion. it was the day of their two year anniversary (yes i AM saying they got together the august after outbreak don’t @ me) and they were on vacation at doc’s family’s Secret Beach House. they were vibing on the balcony, watching the sunset, when lion suddenly clears his throat. doc turns to look at him and finds his boyfriend down on one knee, looking like he might flee to Bermuda. he’s reaching for something in his pocket. doc starts laughing. lion, completely misunderstanding his reaction, flushes and stammers out an apology. doc sees this, and immediately stops, though he’s still smiling gleefully as he catches lion by the biceps, then reaches into his own pocket and pulls the ring he was going to give olivier. they exchange rings, giggling like little kids, and spend the rest of the night making out on whatever surfaces are available. 

Who is the best man/men? - for lion? montagne. (his son is the ring bearer and doc’s niece is the flower girl). for doc? rook. he’s so happy he gets to participate in his dad’s wedding

Who is the bride’s maid(s)? - for lion: finka. for doc: twitch

Who did the most planning? - both of them!! do you know how hard they worked to ensure the ceremony was valid in the eyes of both of their religions

Who stressed the most? - s e e  a b o v e

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - lion’s parents. they tried to call him during the reception but doc’s grandma grabbed his phone and started cussing them out, talking about dishonor and how they tried to disown him so they’re not his parents anymore, and besides, his new family absolutely adores him, so really, it’s their loss. once she hangs up, she pulls lion into a hug and he calls her his favorite, if only, grand-mère

Sex:

Who is on top? - who’s topping? lion. but sometimes doc gets bitchy so he gets to set the pace if you know what i mean

Who is the one to instigate things? - they are both lowkey horny 24/7 so 👀👀👀

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now (only because they do get to see each other fairly often. if one goes on a long mission without the other, once they get back they will bump it up to a 10 real quick)

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - idk long enough ig. maybe longer if someone feels they’ve been left ~unsatisfied~ they might go a few more rounds ;))

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - ok it depends on what they’re doing but usually it’s one or two each, but on ~special~ occasions it’s either doc getting edged and denied for hours, OR doc getting forced to come over and over again until he’s begging for something, whether it be more or a goddamn break even he isn’t really sure. either way he’s crying and lion is consistently asking if he needs to safeword and otherwise checking in because they may like it rough but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - unless someone’s hormones and organs get fucked, zero

How many children will they adopt? - probably none?? idk they’ve already got lion’s son and they’re both busy enough with work so

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - NEITHER!!!!! DISGUSTANG!!!!!!!!!

Who is the stricter parent? - god i wanna say both. like lion and his attachment to rules??? but doc and his Mom Friend energy????? but ig lion BUT HE’S NOT STRICT TO THE POINT HE’S A BUZZKILL OR ANYTHING HE’S JUST RESPONSIBLE (he will NOT allow his husband and son to go vandalize the property of some islamaphobic brits, as much as he agrees with the sentiment) 

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - doc will only allow vandalism if it’s in the name of righteousness. meaning, he’ll allow their son to spray paint the walls of a goddamn walmart with shit like “eat the rich” and a portrait of robespierre and a guillotine, but it is a HARD NO on defacing places like the library or community center (unless he has a good reason to do so). lion spends his time praying and making sure his son knows which acts of civil disobedience are acceptable and which are distorting their goal 

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - doc. he (privately) dreams of retiring (eventually) and living out his lifelong dreams of being a househusband. so

Who is the more loved parent? - SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW GET OUT OF MY HOUSE IM GONNA BEAT YOUR ASS. but ig lion??? BUT ONLY BECAUSE THEIR SON HAS KNOWN HIM LONGER. doc is half Dad and half Cool Uncle Who Gives Me Spray Paint And Tells Me To Make Myself Heard (to clarify, i know doc is a pacifist, but im kinda projecting my own sentiment of “we’ve tried to be peaceful but you wouldn’t give us the time of day. now that we’ve “acted out” we’ve gotten your attention, and rest assured, things are going to change.” he won’t hurt anybody, he’s just tired of having to be everyone’s “muslim friend” and educating people on things they could google themselves)

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - it used to be lion out of necessity, but when people started asking about his “wife” he was really torn between telling them that he and his son’s mother separated, but now he has a partner and his son seems very happy about it. when doc finally attends a meeting with lion, people really struggle to hide their shock. a few clunky but well-meaning “we support you”’s and “we’re sorry for everything that’s been going on”’s later, doc has used his charm to make friends with literally everyone. from then on, he is on pta duty on behalf of lion and his ex

Who cried the most at graduation? - lion! his parents purposefully didn’t show at his, so it’s a big deal for him to show his son just how proud he is. doc tears up a little too, but manages to mostly keep it together so he can support lion, who spends most of the day heave-crying about how proud he is into his husband’s shoulder. gustave just pats him on the back and tells him that they’ll run out of donuts if they don’t get to the concession stand soon

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - doc. civil disobedience, baby!! he has never been caught. lion fears the law after his youth, so he tries to avoid any visits to law enforcement. he also can’t stand to see his son behind bars

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - doc. househusband, remember?

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - doc, but only because he can be a bit of a spice supremacist. he has to get his ingredients from these very specific farms and markets or else his great grandmother will begin manifesting in their house to curse them

Who does the grocery shopping? - doc, bc he does NOT trust lion to not just sweep all of the microwave ramen and kraft mac n cheese into the cart then sprint to self-checkout

How often do they bake desserts? - whenever possible. doc and maestro live by the philosophy “don’t do anything halfway” if they’re going to go through the trouble of making a meal, it will have multiple courses. 

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - doc is more of a salad eater but only for ease of consumption with halal laws. he adores filet mignon

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - lion! maestro enlists himself as assistant head chef after walking into the base’s kitchen one day to find lion covered in flour and lying facedown on the floor, crying

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - also lion! though he’s memorized doc’s order at all of their favorite restaurants, so he usually just gets take out and puts on a big show of being a “tired housewife who works in the kitchen all day just for this one meal” and setting up the table so it’s all nice and romantic

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - lion. he tried crème brûlée once. never again 

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - lion. organization is everything to this man. doc helps with laundry and such, but for the most part he leaves organization to lion and his systems (think leslie knope levels of planning and organization)

Who is really against chores? - neither! they both understand that teamwork makes the dream work, baby!!

Who cleans up after the pets? - doc, since lion’s already asked him which color hanger should represent “clothes i can tear off my husband before we fuck” and he needs a Moment

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - neither. they don’t own a broom

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - lion because of the deep-seated catholic urge to appear perfect in front of others, and doc because people will gossip, olivier!

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - lion. he immediately called doc into the room and asked “is this your stash of drug money?” doc, who had been asleep because it was 3 in the morning on a saturday, just stares at him

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - it is so bold to assume they don’t shower together to “cut costs”

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - lion is known in their neighborhood as the man who walks cats. there is a facebook page where people post pictures of him walking his cats. vigil is an admin

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - LITERALLY EVERY HOLIDAY GETS DECORATIONS. lion makes his own for the muslim holidays since there really aren’t many “of good quality” in stores. when they first started dating, doc came home to find his house covered in ramadan decorations, and lion standing precariously on a ladder, trying to string up fairy lights while learning how to pronounce important arabic words. needless to say, doc cries

What are their goals for the relationship? - mutual joy and contentment!!!! 

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - doc. he’s sleepy

Who plays the most pranks? - lion, but they’re stupid ones like replacing certain pictures with danny devito. doc gets back at him by replacing pictures of jesus with ewan mcgregor, and putting yoda into his nativity scene. lion doesn’t notice

#ask #anonymous #r6s doc #r6s lion #doc/lion #ass alert! #could you tell i forgot whether or not lion's ex and son had names #thank you for interacting!

[artificialqueens]

Gimme Love, 4/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Hey, guys! So I realised I forgot to explain the idea behind this story. This is part of a series I'm working on called 'Head in the Clouds' - stories that are inspired by the music of Joji. This story is loosely based off the music video for 'Gimme Love'. I couldn't make sense of the actual video cause it goes by so fast (if you watch it you'll see what I mean), but I kind of have an idea.

Thanks for listening to my TEDtalk.

Major Trigger warnings: Dementia, death, grief, homophobic slurs

-_-_-_-

2003

"Brianna, could you come here?"

I put my pen down on the kitchen table, not really minding that Grandpa was interrupting me. The studying was tiring, if anything.

Walking into his room, I found him getting up from his desk.

"Hey, Grandpa," I said.

"Brianna, do me a favour, baby. Could you read me this one chapter?" He asked, retreating to his bed.

Bit of an odd request for him. "Why? What's up?"

I picked it up, one of the many books that delved into the science and possibility of the existence of parallel universes.

"I'm just...finding it kind of hard to concentrate." He laughed to himself. He made a groaning sound as his back hit the bed.

I sat by him and read about 3 chapters before he said, "that'll do. Thanks, honey."

I got up and moved to the desk, briefly glancing at the front cover, at the main character with his telescope. Far off memories flashed in my brain. I put the book down, turning to face him.

"What are you smiling at, honey?" Grandpa asked, a smile appearing on his own face.

"I just...remember the night you told Jujubee and me about 'the other world'. We haven't stopped talking about it since." I admitted, putting the book back on his desk. "And we'd always play these games like we were there. Our lives would be so different. And just a little bit better."

"And then you found yourself wanting that in reality." Grandpa finished for me.

I was silent, but he knew he was right. "It's not that I didn't appreciate what I already had. It's just...whenever my anxiety was surfacing, or whenever someone was mean in school, or whenever I thought of my parents, I'd just...want to escape." I sat down in the chair next to his bed again, taking his hand in mine and squeezing it reassuringly. "Didn't you ever feel the same?"

Grandpa breathed out a sigh through his nose, his smiling widening. "Brie, of course, I have. All the games you and Juju played, it's called escapism. And it's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Wouldn't you ever try to find one?"

"Find what?"

"I don't know. A door? A gateway to the other world?"

He didn't even need to tell me 'yes.' He had spent many years reading the books, sometimes reading them more than once, making notes and coming up with his own theories. He probably felt the same way I did. In darker times, when things didn't feel like they'd get any better, he was curious about his other-self.

I knew the answer was yes. But I liked hearing him talk about these things.

"Baby, it's something I've always wanted to do. I always...wanted to know if it was possible...to slip into that other world, find this house, and just hope and pray my wife would still be on the other side of that door. I'd kiss her hand and bring her back here. And, life would be complete." He confessed. His smile was sweet but also sad, "But you know, with old age comes difficulties. My brain ain't what it used to be. Just all these words. Sometimes, they're...foreign to me."

This was the beginning of a long year. All the signs started out small, usually, Grandpa looking out the window wondering when his wife would come back from the store and losing the ability to read.

And over time, it slowly began to escalate, getting worse with each month. So bad to the point he'd take his seat belt off at a red light and try to get out. Or he'd shout at Mom, saying she's going the wrong way. Every piece of my Grandpa was slipping away.

And it was all taking a toll on my own happiness.

"You look pretty today." Jujubee commented as we walked through the hallway.

"If you say so." That was all I could reply with.

"No, really. Your hair looks really cute like that." She tried again.

I had no idea what she was talking about. I literally pinned two pieces from the front to the back of my head. It was a half-assed attempt of trying to convince everyone I gave a fuck anymore.

"Yeah, right, Juju. I look no better than I did yesterday. Or the day before. And the day before that.

Jujubee paused for a moment, whereas I continued on. "Are you OK?"

I turned to look at her. "Yeah." I lied. "Why wouldn't I be?"

I wasn't ready for this, Jujubee concerns. The truth was I never told her about my Grandpa because then she'd want to talk about it, then I'd cry, then I'd probably go home and have a breakdown, then I'd give Mom more shit to worry about.

Judging from her knit brows, she wasn't buying it. Before she could even ask anything else, I turned back around, just wanting to get on with things and get to my next class on time. But Trevor just had to be there. He knocked me hard on the shoulder, making me drop my books and almost fall to the ground.

He quickly spun around, watching me collect my books. "Man, who put that trash there?"

I glanced at him with a scorn.

"Hey, douchebag," Jujubee stepped in front of Trevor, "I can see you're a little butt-hurt now that your sex life is dryer than a nuns vagina."

My eyes were wide now, knowing that wouldn't sit well.

"What did you fucking say to me?" Trevor raised a brow.

"You heard." Jujubee said with such spite. "Why don't you go rub one out to your Mom or something? Stop projecting all your problems onto my girl?"

Trevor scoffed a laugh. "Your girl? What are you, a couple of dykes?"

My jaw was almost on the ground. I looked around, noting the students observing as they passed by. I couldn't let them know my secret. I couldn't.

"Why? Does that make us all the more interesting?" Jujubee squinted her eyes. "Honey, don't pretend the thought of us 'dykes’ making out doesn't make an insecure guy like you hard."

A sound emitted from my throat - A panicked sound. Like a yell, one that was dragging its way up my throat, fighting to get out. The attention of everyone around was on the situation, since when? I had only become aware now of the sounds of thrill and excitement. I was internally panicking. How many people were there? Were they even looking at me?

"Not in your wildest dreams, honey." Trevor practically spat the last word before deciding he was finished. He turned and walked away.

Jujubee approached me, rolling her eyes. "God, does he know when to quit?"

But I just stared at her, pretty sure I was trembling. My eyes were still wide, and my jaw stiff.

"Brie?" She blinked.

I could feel it, the lump in my throat beginning to form, like a hard stone that was lodged in place. Blinking a few times, I held the books tighter to my chest and turned to walk away.

"Brianna, what the fuck?" Jujubee came after me.

"Juju, just...leave me the fuck alone." My voice cracked as I quickened my pace.

She didn't follow me anymore. Thank fuck. Because next thing I knew, I was in a bathroom cubicle, quietly crying. I stupidly decided to not go to class. I say stupidly because, during the last period, Denali leaned over and told me she thought they suspended me. When I asked why she would even think that, she said the rumours spread fast, that I had punched Jujubee.

Oh, high school drama.

Of course, Jujubee didn't deserve this. She was only doing her friendly duty and looking out for me. But I didn't need any more shit from Trevor. I didn't want all those eyes on me as I walked the corridors. My home life was already too much.

I wanted to hold on to my Grandpa for as long as I could. But seeing his health dwindle, it felt like someone was coming to get him. And no matter how much I wanted to hold on, they were going to take him away no matter what.

Around 7 months in, his immune system was beginning to fail. He was bedridden.

I'd sit with him for at least an hour every day, either reading to him, feeding him, or just having a long talk. I had a tendency to write down at least one sentence from each conversation like it would provide me with some comfort, like he was still there. When in reality he was...he was...

"Why the sad face, baby?"

I snapped out of my trance, blinking a few times as I looked at him. "Nothing. Just thinking."

"What happened? Did someone break your heart?" He asked, following it up with a laugh.

I let myself smile. "No, thank God. I'm just sleepy. I had a long day at school."

"That's a shame. I was gonna suggest we break out the old telescope. I bet we'd find Cassiopeia if we tried hard enough."

My mouth formed a hard line, unsure of how to respond. As much as I wanted so badly to sit out in the garden with him, he wouldn't even be able to make it there.

"You sure you're OK, Brianna?" Grandpa asked.

"Yeah, I'm just thinking." I looked away, studying my nails instead.

"Well, if it's not a heartache, I bet someones caught your eye?" He asked with a smirk.

I couldn't help but allow the corners of my lips to curve up. "Yeah, actually."

"Oooh." He cooed. "And what are they like?"

I thought for a second, debating how I should answer. To be honest or not. If I lied, would it even make a difference?

Looking at his innocent face, I decided fuck it.

"Sweet. Beautiful. The bluest eyes I've ever seen." I paused. "She's an absolute angel."

Grandpa was silent momentarily. But just as the nerves were beginning to surface, he replied, "and does she know how you feel?"

"No."

"Well, why don't you let her know?"

I took a deep breath in. "Because...I don't know if she likes me back. I don't know if she even likes girls."

"All you can do is try."

"It's not that simple," I spoke quietly. "She's...popular. She's beautiful. She's...everything that I'm not."

My eyes drifted to my hands once again. If I cried, would it even matter? Wouldn't he forget?

"Don't say that about yourself, honey." He reached a hand out and put it on mine. "You don't actually believe that, do you?"

I lifted my gaze again, looking at him with glossy eyes. My silence spoke volumes.

"Oh, no, Brianna." He said with such disappointment. "I can't believe you feel that way. Ain't you ever stopped to look at yourself?"

"No," I whispered. "I can't stand it."

"You need to. Because you are prettier than you know." His own eyes were glistening now. "You may not believe me, but someday you're gonna meet someone who will show you."

I dabbed the inner corner of my eye, "You really think that?"

"I know."

"That means a lot." I smiled.

He gave one final pat to my hand and pulled it away. "Do me a favour, honey. Could you get me some juice?"

"Sure."

I stood up and left for the kitchen.

On my way, I passed through the hall, catching a glance at my reflection. Naturally, I would have disregarded it. But I stopped and stood in front of it. And I just looked.

I wasn't immediately satisfied. But upon taking my glasses off, my opinion changed. I learned pretty quickly my eyes were the best from my facial features.

I smiled. Best not. My frown was oddly alluring. I tried smiling again, this time with teeth. But the braces just ruined the mood.

Putting my glasses on again, I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt tiny paws tap my feet. Of course, it was just Piggie. I scooped him up and looked at both of us together.

"God has favourites, Piggie. Take a wild guess out of us two who it is." I looked at his face in the mirror.

He cocked his head, looking at his own reflection like he couldn't figure out what was going on.

I carried on to the kitchen with Piggie still in my arms, poured the juice and made my way back to Grandpa's room.

I pushed open the door with my foot.

Grandpa's head quickly shot up as I walked in.

"Sorry it took so long. I - -"

"Who are you??"

I froze on the spot. "It's me."

"Roberta! Roberta, there's somebody in the fucking house!!"

My brain went into panic mode. I set the juice to the side, put Piggie out into the hall and approached the bed.

He was continuously shouting, thrashing around in the bed as if to escape. I tried grabbing his hands, reassuring him it was me, his Grandchild. We had literally just been talking.

But he only roared over the sound of my voice, trying to fight my hands off him.

"Pop! It's OK!" Mom rushed into the room. "It's just Brianna!"

I took a step back, letting her take control. He stared at me with an intense level of fear. What did he think I was going to do? Who did he think I was?

"Brie, go to your room or something. I'll calm him down." Mom commanded with a crack in her voice.

With a wavered breath, I left. The sounds of his shouts, I couldn't bear it. I had to get away, even for a little bit. I needed out.

I hurried out the front door, stuffing my arms inside my jacket sleeves, and marched down the path. I didn't even look back at the colourful house. I just wandered. Wherever my feet were going to take me, I'd be fine.

In a sense, I felt cruel, like I was selfish. Despite wanting to be around my Grandpa for as long as possible, I couldn't stand moments like these. But you'd think dealing with this for so long would have toughened me up a bit.

Not even in the slightest.

There I was, marching down the street, trying hard not to have an episode. I tried to maintain my breathing, but the fast pace in my step didn't help. My hands were clammy, not that having them in my pockets helped.

Again, I had no idea where I was going. My eyes remained fixated on the ground. Therefore I was oblivious to the person hastily approaching.

"Brianna, Jesus!"

Jujubee now stood in front of me with her hand on my shoulder. I opened my mouth to speak, but she beat me to it.

"I said your name like 5 times, girl." Jujubee dropped her hand. Her eyes looked me up and down, "What happened? You're shaking."

I was?

"I…" I tucked a strand of hair behind my hair, "I need a cigarette or something."

Jujubee dragged me to the bus shelter, sat me down on the ground like we were still children, parking our behinds wherever the fuck we wanted.

Despite the feeling of anxiety burning my insides, I did spark up a cigarette, anything to shift my thoughts from the current state of my family. Just something normal.

"Girl, are you sure that's a good idea right now?" Jujubee was itching to snatch it from my hand and toss it.

Instead, I said, "Jujubee?"

"Yeah?"

Eyes still glued to the ground, I blinked, "This is it. He's dying."

Jujubee didn't even need to ask. She knew about his dementia for months now. I had no choice but to tell her. The stress from it all got too much, and I was becoming more and more irritable. It was unfair to put her through that. I had to tell her everything.

Jujubee shuffled closer, "What happened?"

I couldn't bring myself to even tell her. Words couldn't even begin to describe the feeling. That feeling of just grabbing him by the hand, and running away as far as possible, so this sickness would just leave us alone.

I blew out a long cloud of smoke, closing my eyes as I let my chest deflate.

There was something about this moment in time. 9PM, at the bus shelter, sitting on the cold ground, smoking a cigarette, Jujubee by my side, her hand now in mine. It didn't feel real. None of it did.

Yet this wasn't foreign to me - This bus stop was the same one from my childhood, that day when baby Blair and I hid from the rain. Funny how the younger version of myself thought I was protecting her from her abusive father.

As bad of a time it was, the thought was comforting in the current moment, sitting there with Blair. The only problem I faced those days was my emotional outbursts and the emotional toll they took on my Mom. Oh, how naive I was, completely unaware of how life could get any harder.

Only 3 weeks later, Grandpa was hospitalised, his immune system reaching its lowest point. I visited him every day after school. There were more moments of forgotten memory, but it made it less frightening with Mom by my side.

One day in particular, however, he seemed in better spirits. It was as if the old him was back, just for a few hours.

"I'm going to the soda machine. You want anything, baby?" Mom stood up from her chair, pulling her purse from her bag.

"I'm good." I gave her a gracious smile.

She nodded, taking another look at my Grandpa before she even moved to the door. I could see the reluctance behind her eyes. She did this every time she left the room, no matter where she was going.

My eyes followed her as she left. Grandpa spoke, "Now that she's gone, any update on that girl?" He asked. I looked back in surprise. How he had remembered that was mind-blowing. He continued, "we haven't had a one-to-one conversation in a long time, honey. Give me an update."

I breathed a sigh out, lifting my brows briefly. "Nothing has become of it, no."

"Go get her, kiddo. You've got nothing to lose."

I smiled sadly. Easier said than done, Grandpa.

He coughed. "Lord, I'd love a cigarette right about now. Do me a favour, though; please stop smoking."

I wasn't completely shocked. He had noticed on a few occasions that he was down a cigarette. "I will." I wasn't lying. But I wasn't making any promises either.

"Brianna?" Grandpa looked at me now.

"Yeah?" I put my feet up on his bed, leaning back in my chair.

"Promise me one thing?"

"Of course."

His eyes remained on me, and he smiled briefly. "Promise me that you'll find a way to the other world. Could you do that for me?"

I had to admit, It was a huge thing to ask of someone like me. It was terrible to say, but I couldn't help but feel this was sort of selfish. Yes, he was on the brink of death, but how could he expect me to be such a miracle worker.

Instead of protesting, however, I just said, "Sure."

Two days later, he passed away.

I didn't cry at all, vowing that I would remain strong for Mom. I had already had my turn at grieving my own parents. And she was by my side for all of that.

Now it was my turn to be there for her. Throughout the whole funeral, I had my arms wrapped around her shoulders, like she had done for me throughout the years. It was a strange feeling - being the one to take care of her for a change. Her head on my chest, hand squeezing mine, it was just so hard to accept.

I almost thought she was going to crumble when they lowered his casket into the ground.

As I said before, there are two types of people in this world; those who hate the sight of their Mother crying and fucking liars.

Because, even though she was my Mother, she was his little girl. And losing a parent is losing a huge part of your life.

Everyone was invited back to the house after the funeral in the hopes the togetherness would lighten the mood.

Of course, it didn't fix everything, but it did allow us some time to breathe.

"You OK, Brianna?" Aunt Monét asked as I handed her some tea.

"I'm fine." Obviously, that was a lie.

I really did think I was doing everyone a favour by putting up the strong front. Little did I know the toll this would take on my own emotional well being. That whenever Grandpa came up in conversation, I'd run. If only I had realised that sooner.

I was afraid of questions like Monét had asked. So school would be a nightmare. Thankfully I was granted 2 weeks off.

The first week I lay in bed, watching box sets of The X Files. Pretty sure I almost gave myself a bladder infection from just laying there too long.

The second week, I finally decided to stop lying around and be useful. Mom recommended I break out the telescope one night. So I invited Jujubee over. I warned her beforehand that she was not to ask me any concerning questions or treat me any different. Of course, she was different with me. But she didn't ask any questions. We just carried on, looking up at the stars through the telescope.

The same week, I also found myself sitting in his room, feeling his presence very much there with me. So I took to reading his books out loud in the hopes I could keep his spirit entertained.

However, I only became interested in the books myself. I read one book. Then another. And another. And another. Fiction and non-fiction. All based on parallel universes. I couldn't get enough of it.

And reading turned into studying - taking notes, hypothesising, questioning.

And then I got Jujubee interested. Just 4 weeks after beginning, it was more than just a hobby. It was a prospect.

-_-_-_-

2020

"Miss. Caldwell. Miss Caldwell, ma'am."

I snapped back to reality, embarrassed that I had even blacked out at all. You'd think I'd know there were more important things at stake, now that I was in the presence of the Secretary of Defence, at a meeting in the middle of an almost empty hangar. Everyone around me, my team included, were important people. I needed them to believe I was on the same level as they were.

"Yes, the atmosphere of the other world," I said, hoping he would think I was listening.

"We're beyond that point now, actually." The General pointed out, standing with his hands behind his back. I couldn't lie. I felt intimidated by him, what with the uniform and all.

I glanced at his black badge, which matched mine. Did that mean I was a general like him now? Were we even on the same level? 'Cause when I woke up that morning, I tripped over my own feet and almost hit my head off the ground. I couldn't be on this guy's level.

"I asked if this place would be big enough for the construction of the rocket." He asked.

I looked around at the wide space. Yeah, it was huge, but when it came to constructing a rocket, that was all beyond me. Sure, it would probably take a good 3 minutes to walk from one end to the other. But was it high enough? I had no idea what I could even say to this guy. "Yeah, it's good."

I hoped it would be good.

"Then it's yours." He gave a quick smile. It didn't make me feel any less intimidated. He began pointing out different sections of the place, a small lab in one corner, offices in another, along the left wall was a cafeteria, and 4 sets of surprisingly clean bathrooms.

All this space, it was mine. And only an hour after the meeting with the General, we were already shipping equipment over.

"This is wild. You could fit two concert halls in here." Jujubee slipped an arm around my shoulders, the pair of us watching as a truck pulled into the hangar, carrying more gear.

I blew a sigh of relief out through my mouth. "I just can't believe this is happening. Like, why me, of all people? When do good things ever happen like this? Like, didn't I always say 'why do bad things happen to good people?'"

Jujubee laughed, "girl, good things DO happen to you. You have a luxury apartment in New York, you're filthy rich, you're a celebrity." She playfully punched me in the arm.

"Well, you're not wrong." I shrugged.

"You deserve every bit of this." She turned to get a better look at me. "You fought for so long to get people on board with this project. You continued on when people doubted you when they laughed. I think you deserve good things to happen to you."

I smiled bashfully, looking to the ground for a brief moment, "Aw, Juju," looking back to her, she lifted a hand and held my cheek. Naturally, I would have shied away, but not now. At this moment, I absolutely adored this bitch. "I couldn't have done this without you."

"I know. You've told me." She pinched my cheek before looking away.

Her hand fell by her side, so I took it in mine. "No, really. You think I would have continued without you here? You remember all those times I wanted to give up? All the times you called me out on my bullshit?"

"Hey, somebody had to do it." She shrugged in return yet swung my hand.

"That's very true." I looked at her for a moment longer. Only now did I notice the way her lashes fluttered when she blinked, how cute that was.

Her eyes moved around the large space again. "Think we could fit a Starbucks in here?"

I pulled my gaze away from her, also having another look around. "Girl, you could fit fucking 10 Starbucks in here." I raised a brow in her direction then. "Should I?"

She laughed as she continued to swing my hand like we were just children again. Honestly, that's what I felt like; A small child in her own Kingdom.

#rpdr fanfiction #s10 #as5 #miz cracker #jujubee #blair st clair #blair x cracker #hurt/comfort #lesbian au #high school au #angst #gimme love #grinder #tw dementia #tw death #tw grief #tw homophobic slurs

[fortheloveofpearlet]

I'm not the one who asked about Famelet, but I just remembered how their friendship is beautiful. I'm having some bad time now..Im bipolar and have anxiety and in one of my depression phases, and it is not helping that my best friend has recently cut me off. So, i was thinking about a Famelet drabble(them not being famous)with Jason in a depression phase&suicidal and Kurtis hugging&talking with him, trying to comfort him. Thank you so much, your stories distract me from my dark thoughts x

Thank you darling! Currently not taking requests.I’m sorry this has taken so long lovely. I hope you are feeling better and I’ve said to you before you’re always welcome to message me if you need to talk 😘 This is a friendship fic mostly and contains depictions of self-harm, suicide attempts and some homophobic language. It starts super angsty but there is a happy fluffy ending 😊

Jason was at breaking point. He’d been here before, way too many times to count. If he really wanted to he could figure it out, he’d just need to count his scars. Each one that embedded into his flesh were painful reminders of times in Jason’s life he wished he could forget. He carried his scars everywhere he went. Maybe one day if he ever got passed this he would wear them as badges of honour. Maybe one day when things were less bleak he could look at them and smile and say, I survived. But for now the thought of survival wasn’t very comforting. Survival was the last thing Jason wanted.

Growing up was hard for Jason. He’d always been ‘different’, always found it hard to fit in even within his own family. His parents didn’t understand him. His peers didn’t understand him. Hell, half the time he didn’t even understand himself. He was a shy little gay kid obsessed with fashion and all things flamboyant. He couldn’t supress that within him even if he tried. People called him names when he turned up at his catholic high school in his altered school uniform. Weirdo, faggot, freak and other such words were uttered under breaths on a daily basis as he entered school. It didn’t get a lot better when he got home. His parents always looked at him as though there was something wrong with him. He would over hear his mother and father talking about him at night. There’s something wrong with Jason. Why can’t he just be a normal kid?Jason had never felt normal. He was anything but normal. But all he wanted in this world was to be normal. Things would be easier that way he thought. If he was normal maybe his parents would like him. Maybe he would have more than one friend, fellow weirdo Kurtis. If he was normal maybe he wouldn’t be constantly battling with the idea of ending it all.

Why was I born this way?

He stared down at the scars lining his inner thighs. He could sit here and recount a memory, an emotion for each of them but even for him that felt too self-destructive. The scars faded in and out of Jason’s vision as the tears hindered his line of sight. They rolled silently and slowly down his porcelain face and down onto his scars. He could taste the salty tears as he chewed his pouted bottom lip. His eyes flickered up from the scars and to the small item in his hand as it caught the light in his bedroom. The item was poised above a clean bit of flesh on his leg. His hands used to shake when he did this; not for a long time. He gently touched his leg with it, not hard enough to break the skin, but he quickly pulled away.

It won’t be enough. It’s never been enough. This won’t end the pain.

He took a deep breath and lifted his hand. He brought the razor blade to a stop at his wrist.

One long, swift cut and it could all finally be over.

He continued chewing on his lip. He hestitated. He wasn’t sure why.

Just do it. End it all. It’ll be so peaceful.

He was gnawing on his lip so hard he split it and he tasted blood. He needed more blood. He wanted to watch the blood seep from his body until there was nothing left.

Sweet release.

'Don’t.’The voice came from behind him, startling Jason a little. He knew instantly who it was and it had nothing to do with recognising his voice. There was only one person in the world who cared enough about Jason to be here right now.'You can’t just bust into my apartment whenever you feel like it Kurtis.’ Jason didn’t turn to look at him, he also didn’t move the blade from his wrist.'I can when I’m worried about you. Don’t do this Jason.’'Get out of here.’'I’m not going anywhere.’ Kurtis took a few more steps into the room closer to Jason.'Well be prepared to see a lot of blood then.’ Jason felt the weight of the bed shift and then he felt Kurtis’ hand on his shoulder.'Please Jason. Please god put the razor down and talk to me.’'What’s the point?’ Jason suddenly turned to look at his friend. His eyes were blood shot and tears continued to roll down his cheeks. His lip was bleeding and Kurtis found himself using his thumb to wipe the blood away.'You promised me Jason.’ He wiped the blood off his thumb on his jeans not caring if it stained.'Yeah well, promises are made to be broken.’ He still held the blade to the skin on his wrist even though he wasn’t looking at it any more. Kurtis knew he had to tread carefully. If he said the wrong thing, one wrong word he knew Jason wouldn’t hesitate in slashing his arm. Kurtis inhaled sharply and exhaled slowly.'You promised me it was the last time. You looked me in the eyes and swore to me you wouldn’t do this to yourself again.’ Kurtis cupped Jason’s face and started stroking at his tear stains. Jason stayed quiet. 'I thought you said you didn’t ever want to go back to that hospital?’'I don’t.’'Well that’s where you’re gonna end up if you do this again Jay. They let you out because they thought you were better. If you hurt yourself again there going to keep you in longer.’'That’s not going to happen.’ Jason shook his head and shuffled backwards out of Kurtis’ hold. 'I’m not going back to the hospital. This time it’s over. This time you won’t be able to visit.’Kurtis’ blood ran cold. He knew what Jason meant.'Don’t say that.’'Why not? It’s true. No hospitals. Only a fucking grave.’Kurtis felt his own tears well behind his eyes as Jason jumped up from the bed. He started waving his arms about, the razor still clutched between his fingers.'I can’t do it anymore Kurtis! I can’t fucking cope. I feel like I can’t breathe, I feel like I’m suffocating. I need the pain to be gone, I need for everything to just go away. I need peace!’ Jason’s voice was raised as he frantically moved about his room. Kurtis’ heart was breaking for his best friend. He’d always known Jason had issues but this was the worst he’d ever seen him. Kurtis pushed himself up from the bed but didn’t dare move any closer yet.'Jason, you have to believe me when I say it gets better.’'Bull.’ Jason scoffed. 'You’ve been telling me that for years and it’s never gotten better! It gets worse Kurtis! It always gets fucking worse!’ He leant against the wall and placed the blade to his wrist again.'Jason,’ Kurtis’ tone was very stern all of a sudden. 'You don’t want to do this.’'Fuck you! You don’t know what I want!’ Jason yelled staring down at his wrist now.'If you wanted it to be over you would have ended it by now.’ Kurtis knew that was a risky thing to say. He knew that could push Jason over the edge. He knew his words could have led him to witness his friends suicide. But it could also go the other way. Kurtis hadn’t had time to weigh up the risks and rewards. He just hoped it worked the way he wanted it to. Jason’s eyes fluttered upwards and met Kurtis’. His brown was furrowed and he kept his hand firmly in place.'What the fuck does that mean?’ His voice was lower again.'If you really wanted to end it you would have. I saw you when I came in, you were hesitating. There’s a part of you that doesn’t want to do this. You need to listen to that part of you Jason. There’s a tiny shred of hope still in you, I know there is. Fight back against the dark thoughts. Don’t let them win.’ Kurtis took a few steps forward.'Don’t come any closer!’ Jason raised his voice again. His tears were falling heavier now. 'Don’t fucking come any closer. You take one more step and I swear to god I’m gonna do it. Just turn around and walk away Kurtis. Pretend you never saw me. Leave now or you’ll have to watch me die.’Kurtis took a few deep breaths. He knew what he was about to do was another risky move but he knew he had to do it. His legs shook but he managed to step closer to Jason. Jason looked from Kurtis, to the blade and back again.'Give me the blade Jason.’ Kurtis was amazed how calm he sounded.'No.’ Jason sounded like a scared child.'Give me the blade.’ Kurtis repeated.'No.’ Jason’s bottom lip quivered. Kurtis took a few more deep breaths before he slowly reached his hand towards Jason. Jason whined a little as Kurtis’s hand latched around his arm. He was slow in his movements as he guided Jason’s hand that held the blade away from his wrist. He was even slower when he used his free hand to pry the blade from Jason’s finger tips. Jason’s grip on it was lose and Kurtis got the blade from his hand and put it down on the side. Seconds later Jason fell into his arms, sobbing heavily. Kurtis threw his arms around his friend and walked them back towards the bed where they both sat down. Jason buried his head into Kurtis’ chest as he cried and cried. Kurtis sat in silence and let him get it out of his system. He rubbed little circles between Jason’s shaking shoulders and placed the occasional kiss on his head.'It’s ok sweetie, I’m here. It’s all going to be ok.’ Kurtis would whisper periodically, ensuring Jason knew he wasn’t going anywhere. Jason felt frail in his arms, like the small, scared little boy he was on the inside. His whole body practically vibrated through shaking and crying. Kurtis felt like his heart was tearing in two. He hated seeing Jason so broken. Each time Jason got like this Kurtis prayed it would be the last time.

Please god make him better this time. Please god let him get better.

He wasn’t a religious man but he’d try just about anything to help fix his best friend.

The room fell quiet. Jason’s sobs subsided into small sniffles mostly muffled by Kurtis’ shirt. Kurtis continued to hold him. Eventually he stopped shaking. Finally he stopped crying. Kurtis never stopped holding him.

When Jason looked up at him, his eyes were more blood shot than they had been earlier. He sniffed and chewed his lip. Kurtis kept one arm around his body and used the other to stroke Jason’s hair back off his face.'How do you feel?’ Kurtis whispered.'Exhausted.’ Jason admitted. 'Always exhausted.’Kurtis wiped the damp patches on Jason’s face and kissed his forehead.'I swear to you Jason it’s going to get better.Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow either but one day. And I promise you I will be by your side every step of the way. You’re my best friend, I’m not going to let the darkness beat you even when you want it to.’ Kurtis smiled softly at the younger man. Jason nodded his head ever so slightly. 'When it feels as though the whole world has turned its back on you, I’ll still be here. We’re in this together, I’m not letting you battle this alone. If you try and carry this weight on your own you might not make it. But I’m here to share the weight with you. Together we can get through this ok? We’re going to get you through the dark days and pull you into the light. You, Jason Dardo, are going to beat this. You’re strong and you’re ferocious. You’re a survivor.’ Kurtis gave his forehead another soft kiss. Jason sniffed again but to Kurtis’ surprise he saw a small smile forming on his lips.'I’m a survivor.’ Jason whispered. Kurtis smiled and nodded.'You are sweetie. You’re a survivor.’For the first time in a really long time Kurtis saw a hint of a sparkle behind Jason’s eyes.'I’m a survivor.’ Jason whispered once more. And for the first time in his life, being a survivor didn’t sound like a bad thing anymore.

#famelet #violet chachki #miss fame #famelet drabble