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andnowilovecats · 2 years

Text

17th

day i miss her

hi.

long time no c. i think that’s a good thing though. since this blog is full of shitty things.

nvm.

i think i just came back from hell. i don’t know how to start this. should i start with how my parents got in an unnecessary fight. or should i start with how i get stuck in a car with my mom for hours. i think these two is just equally bad.

fine. so it all start with my mom trying to throw things away. which i can understand, well, there’s too much stuff in the house and u need to give up some. totally fair. but my dad doesn’t agree with that. since he think those things are important. i have no idea what they are talking about actually. since i’ve never saw the stuffs that has actually been throw away. i dun actually care anyways. my friend told me sometimes ik ppl is mad, i just don’t care. is this where it come from? hummm. okay too far from topic. where am i. oh right.so anyways they start a fight. i should have figured out that. when my dad be weird and say stuff as like “oh i work so hard but some ppl just need to trow stuff away”. or when my mom want’s me to secretly goes outside with a bunch of books when my dad is not at home (if this can still be called a home). or when my dad just consistently yelled at everyone this morning. i should have notice these. sometimes i think it’s my fault to not notice shit, so i can’t protect myself by hide away or something. but then i think it isn’t my fault. it isn’t my fault, right? anyways. i should have notice these.

we r in quarantine. but i need to go back to school for text book and year book and stuff. the worst thing is that my school is 40min car ride away from house. that’s shit. the first ride is good. very good. my mom is normal and everything is great. then i go to school. then we go to lunch. she starts to try to talk about this. and i have no interest of why they are fighting. why would i care. they just constantly fight for any reasons. and it never is my ability to help in any ways. why would i even bother to care. i tried to change the topic to the air fly that’s 12days later. and she tried to changed the topic back. i should have notice. i don’t think there’s anything i can do if i notice anyways. but i should have notice. she start to talk about how her father-in-law sucks, and how messy he is. and how my dad complains about everything and not actually helping. (yes my mom have a RLY bad relationship with her father-in-law, mother-in-law, birth father, birth mother,... basically everyone). we manage to finish the meal (how?) things actually starts on the car. and i don’t know why. but i should have notice.

it’s fine. until she start to say i’m selfish. she said i only care about what i like to say but not what other people is trying to tell. that’s...fair. but like, how am i suppose to say something bad about my father when this is just something between them two. and yes, i don’t care. i have a shitty life i can’t care about this and make myself even more sad. she start complaining wether should i have children since i can’t hear. i forgot to say, i’m deaf but i can still hear. long story. since i share the same gene with her father-in-law. i’m also deaf and messy and whatever. it’s not like super bad since i’m used to it. like yeah i get sad but like. used to it. this kind of word shows up like per week or per bi week. it totally fine. i get over it fast. ... ig. anyways. and then when we are on the high speed. which is like super dangerous. she start to like. drive very fast, and suddenly stop. and then drive really fast again. and then suddenly stop. and this for serval times. or not a serval times. i don’t know. i’m scared. i’m not that scared since then. but when i get back to my bed. i realized how scared i am. i realize i just pass the door of death.

i am still trying to persuade myself this is not my fault. this is hard. anyways.

[那感覺像是有千百指頭粗的針扎進心臟，遇血後融化。留下千百個孔洞，往外瀝著血液。那心臟強力地跳動，用盡一切努力想讓你活著。那一張一合卻加速了血液外流的速度，然後乾枯。]

---edit---

it’s raining really big outside. like the rain is lit white and i can see the water got blowed every where. there are wind howling. the rain is like super super big. i am kinda happy though. like. riding on a roller coaster having your heart beating fast but like exiting. why is this even happening. maybe i need to get some sleep. idk. but i’m happy

---end of edit---

good night.

[big big hug] (we all need this)

0 notes

amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines · 3 years

Text

Fangs//i bet you're real sweet with her

Request: You my friend are the queeen 👑 of songfics. Any chance you would want to write a fic for the song Bitter by Fletcher? With any of my boys Malachai/Reggie/Fangs/Pea you can choose 😘

hey! brit! @wayward-river this is for you, my love! enjoy! also, this is the last request i have! i did it!! well done me!! requests will be open soon, so keep your eyes peeled!

The world may have moved on and evolved, but when you’re stuck in Riverdale, it feels like you’re still in the same unknown decade, no matter how long you stay for.

Four years after graduation, you’re still waiting tables at Pop’s, despite the rest of your friends moving on. The only people left behind is you, Toni, Sweet Pea and Fangs. But what was once known the four musketeers, now has a huge divide between them.

You still talk to Toni, but she talks more with Fangs. You and Fangs don’t talk to each other anymore due to a very messy ending of an almost six year relationship. Sweet Pea and Fangs only really talk to each other when they have to. Sweet Pea’s pissed because of what Fangs did to you, despite you telling him that you don’t want to be the reason they fall out, but he still sticks by your side. And Fangs is pissed at him for taking your side.

Toni and Sweet Pea are still close but not as much as they used to be. The only plus side is the fact that you and Sweet Pea are closer than before, but that comes at a cost, because he’s stuck in between the messiest breakup in Riverdale history, and there’s nothing he can really do except sit and listen to you complain.

Not that he minds though, as long as you keep giving him secret staff discount on his food, he’s fine listening to you mope about Fangs.

“I just-” You sigh, your head dropping to rest on the table. The clock ticks above you and you can feel some of the other waitresses glaring at you, as they will time to move quicker so they can have their own breaks. “Do you know when you’re on the outside of an inside joke? And everyone else knows it but you have no idea what they’re talking about and it makes you feel really lonely.”

“Lime.” He chuckles and you stare at him confused. “Sorry, you weren’t there.”

“That doesn’t help Sweet Pea.” You slump in the stool and stare out of the coffee machine.

In the reflection you see a group of teenagers sat at the far end of the diner and you’re taken back to when that used to be you. You and the rest of the serpents would sit for hours, just talking and eating. Now those days are far gone, the only time you would ever be in the same place as Fangs would be to fight him.

“Hey. Sorry to interrupt.” An older woman invades your thoughts and casts a shadow over you. You pull your gaze away from the shiny metal and stare up at her. “I really wanted Coke but you guys only seem to have Pepsi.”

“I’m on my break sorry.” You force a smile. The rehearsed customer service voice coming out naturally. “But I’m sure one of my colleagues would be more than happy to help.” You add and point to the various members of staff trying to look busy. You glare at the newest member, Emma, who has the coldest eyes and fakest smile you have ever seen. She’s been a pain in your ass since she got here, and she hasn’t stopped since. You’re just hoping the new girl starting today is going to be a lot nicer.

“Ughhh.” You groan and lean your head on the counter again. “I just remembered I’m training a new girl today.”

“I thought you’d just done that.”

“I have.” You grumble and look up at him. “But because I’m the most experienced member of staff, apparently it’s also my job to make sure they don’t put tea in the coffee machine and to keep the condiments separate.” You add and fiddle with the salt packet lying in front of you.

“Well, I’m gonna be here for a little bit longer. I don’t start till three, so I can keep you company.”

“Thanks.” You smile. “Where are you going today?”

“Just to Greendale and back.”

“Come round when you finish...we can drink what will be left of the night away.”

“Deal.” He smiles and grabs your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Sweet Pea’s phone lights up beside you and you peer over his arm to see who it is.

“Don’t bother.” You say when he reaches for it. “It’s just your mom.” You add when he looks at you confused and his face soon falls.

“Oh.” He grumbles. “I told her to leave me alone.”

“I’m sure she’ll get the message soon.” You try your best to sound convincing. But you’ve been repeating that sentence for seven years and she still doesn’t seem to get it. No matter how many times Sweet Pea tells her that he’s better off without her.

For a while you thought it had worked. Nobody had heard from her in almost 6 months, but then she popped back up and ruined the progress that Sweet Pea had been making of having a stable life.

“And if not. I’ll make sure she does.” You add making him snort a laugh. A soft smile twitches at your own lips as you watch him laugh and then shove a few fries in his mouth. Your hand reaches out to steal some but he catches it and shoves you away making you pout. “Hey! Technically I paid for those. The least you can do is share.”

“What?” He asks through a mouthful of food and you pull a face. “I can’t hear you over the chewing.” He adds and shoves the rest of them in his mouth.

“You’re disgusting.” You shake you head making him laugh loudly. For a good minute, everything feels normal. It feels like you’re just sat with your friend and praying for time to slow down so you don’t have to go back to work.

But eventually time does catch up with you, and as soon as the clock strikes quarter past you have to haul yourself back up, grab your rag and get on. The song on the jukebox flips and you’re suddenly hit with a wave of nostalgia.

The opening notes float through the air, and all of sudden you can see you and Fangs dancing right in front of you.

3am in December during a snowstorm. The worst Riverdale had seen for years and the two of you were hiding in the warmth of Pop’s until it went away. You were the only ones in and so Fangs decided to make the most out of the empty diner, and the two of you danced stupidity around the entire place, much to the amusement of the very bored and very tired workers.

Tears spring to your eyes and you let out a shaky breath before fiddling with your fingers.

“Y/n?” Sweet Pea asks. “You okay?” You nod and Sweet Pea stares back at you. Your shiny eyes and wobbly lip really doesn’t help your case of ‘i’m over it!’, but for now he decides to leave it. In the three months since you broke up, you’ve already cried more times than he can count, and that’s just at work. He doesn’t want to see you cry again. If he had his way, you’d never cry again. Not ever.

“I’m fine. I know you think I’m stupid but it’s just how I feel.” You shrug and his expression softens. He grabs your hand, stopping you from walking away and you look at your intwined fingers.

“I have never once thought you were stupid.” He says seriously and you swallow thickly. “Well, apart from the time I dared you to steal FP’s bike and you actually did it.” He adds, the atmosphere being too serious for the two of you.

“I never got caught though.” You point your pen at him, a smile curling the corners of your lips and Sweet Pea smiles back at you.

“It was still stupid.” He replies and you roll your eyes.

“Hey, Pea?” You ask. “Do you know if Fangs is with anybody. I just, I can’t shake the feeling that somebody else is in my shoes right now. You know, doing all of the stuff we used to do.”

“I don’t think so.” He shrugs and you nod slowly.

“Good.” You nod and hold your head higher. “I’m the best he’s ever going to have anyway.” You add making him chuckle.

“Very true.” He laughs. “Y/n? Do you think you might be-I dunno, maybe just a bit bi-”

“I’m not bitter.” You defend and he sends you a look.

“Sure you’re not.” He sips his coffee. “You are dressed in yellow though. And what fruit is yellow?”

“A le-”

“A lemon!” He interrupts, a stupid grin taking over his expression as waits for you to answer.

“Okay.” You nod and grab your notepad from the table. “I’m walking away now. There you go Emma, you can sneak out the back to text a man that is definitely not your husband.

“Oh, hi.” Someone taps your shoulder as you’re walking away making you quickly spin around. The girls almost walks into you and a string of apologies fall from her mouth as she quickly looks around to make sure no one saw.

Her brown hair stops at her waist and curls a little bit near the end. Her bright blue eyes sparkle under the florescent lighting, and her pink lips curl into a nervous smile as she looks around. You glance at Sweet Pea and roll your eyes when you see him not so subtly checking her out.

“Can I help?” You ask and she quickly looks back at you, a bright red blush creeping up her cheeks.

“Yes. Hi, sorry. I’m Olivia. I start today.” She says and sticks her hand out in front of you. You shake it and send a glare to Sweet Pea who is still checking her out and he rolls his eyes at you before scrolling through his phone.

“Lovely to meet you Olivia.” You smile. “Follow me and I’ll show you the ropes.”

“I would so not mind seeing either of you with ropes.” Sweet Pea mumbles and you grit your teeth.

“Would you excuse me for just a second?” She nods, eyes wide as she watches you slap Sweet Pea over the head with the rag. He jumps and yelps from the sudden attack before rubbing his head and scowling at you. “Okay, where were we?” You ask, a smile returning to her lips as she just stares at you in disbelief. “It’s fine. We’re friends.” You shrug and walk her to the counter.

“It doesn’t make it okay!” Sweet Pea shouts.

“Do you want your bill yet...your full one?” You add and he slumps back in his seat, his arms crossed in defeat.

“Okay, so do you have any waitressing experience?”

“Yes!” She smiles. “I used to work in a diner like this one back in New York.” She says and your eyes widen at the mention of New York.

“Oh, so you’re an out of towner?” You ask while showing her around. “This is the kitchen. Basically you get an order, you clip it on there and then the food will come through here. The only time we ever really need to go into the kitchen is if there is a mistake or it’s your turn to put the bins out. There’s a rota in the office but I’ll show you that later.”

“Got it.” She nods. “Yeah. I moved here a few months ago. I’ve been trying to find a job since I moved but there’s only so much you can do in a small town.” She explains and you nod knowingly.

“Why would you ever leave New York for Riverdale. Did you get lost or something?” You tease and she rolls her eyes playfully.

“No.” She shakes her head. “I came here just as a little break to get away from the city, and then I met a guy and I haven’t been back.” She says and your eyes widen.

“You stayed for a boy?” You ask in disbelief and she nods, with an embarrassed smile. “Wow.” You add. “This is the main eating area as you can see. We all have our sections, again, the rota, but you’ll be paired with me for today so you won’t need to know where you are until your next shift. And be warned, if you see him-” You point at Sweet Pea and he waves in return. “Ignore everything he says.” You finish and his face falls.

“I’m gonna stop keeping you company if you’re not careful.” He huffs and you roll your eyes.

“How else are you going to spend your free time if not here?” He shrugs and spins around the chair. When you had more friends, you used to need a booth to fit all of you in and even then you had to steal chairs from other tables. Now Sweet Pea just sits on the stools by the till so he can chat to you.

Sometimes when it’s late and you’re nearing the end of a long shift, you’re sure you can see the ghosts of past versions of yourselves sat in the corner booth. Their laugher filling the air and reminding you of a happier time.

“You guys are a cute couple.” Olivia coos and you and Sweet Pea stare at each other in disgust.

“We are not a couple.” You say quickly and distance yourself away from him.

“You would be lucky to be called my girlfriend.” He says and making you laugh.

“Yeah, I’m really missing out.” You reply. “We’re not a couple.” You repeat, looking at Olivia this time and she nods while trying to suppress a smile.

“Got it. Not a couple.”

“Anyway, tell us about this man that seemingly turned your world upside down.”

“He’s amazing!” She starts and you suddenly start to regret asking. This is definitely not going to help the ever growing feeling that you’re going to be alone forever. “He recently got a new job as a truck driver. At the minute he’s just doing to make some money, but it’s not what he wants to do. And he got a new little flat with his friend and it’s great. He’s an amazing cook...like the best. And he’s so handsome. Sometimes I look at him and I seriously wonder if he was crafted by God himself. He is that good, he has made me believe in God.”

“...wow.” You choke a little.

“Yeah...wow.” Sweet Pea adds and the two of you share an impressed look. She chuckles shyly and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear.

“He sounds sweet.” You smile and a blush creeps up her neck as she fiddles with her apron. “Who is he? Maybe I know him.”

“Fangs. Fangs Fogarty.” She replies and your jaw drops. The cup in your hand wobbles and you scramble to catch it before it smashes on the floor. Olivia quickly moves forward to help you, but you stand up before she has the chance and she’s left awkwardly standing just a bit too close to you.

Sweet Pea coughs and coffee dribbles down his chin, making both of you look at him and he forces a smile until Olivia is called away. You and Sweet Pea stare at each other for a few seconds, your eyes wide and jaws slack and then you both start an incoherent flow of words as you try and figure out what the hell is going on.

“I thought you said Fangs wasn’t seeing anyone!” You start and slap him over the head with your rag again. He ducks and catches it, but his face crinkles when he comes in to contact with the soggy fabric and he quickly drops it.

“He said he wasn’t!” He argues. “I asked him the other day if he was seeing anyone and he said no. It’s not my fault he lied.” He adds and you huff at him, crossing your arms while staring at the door.

From your peripheral, you watch him roll his eyes and sigh before mumbling a quiet sorry.

“It’s fine.” You sigh. “It’s not your fault.” The two of you watch her make her wander around the restaurant and talking to a few of the other servers, the smile never leaving her lips and a scowl slowly makes its way onto your own. “If I were her I would start packing my bags already because we all know Fangs does not do commitment. It doesn’t matter if its two months or six years, one day he will just up and leave, turning your whole life upside down because he’s a selfish di-”

“Okayyyy.” He says and grabs your arm pulling you over the counter. “Y/n, listen to me.” He grabs your cheeks. “You have got to pull yourself together. One. you are much hotter than her. Seriously, I only checked her out once and that was when she first got here. But I check you out literally every time you walk into a room.”

“Than-”

“Two. Now that it’s official that Fangs has moved on, it means that you can too and you don’t look like the bad person because he did it first. So Friday night, you’re going to get dressed up and then we’re gonna go to Greendale and go to that club, Brightstars and then you’re gonna get bu-”

“You don’t need to finish that sentence.” You reply and he nods proudly before letting go. You drop back onto the floor and smooth your uniform out.

It’s fine, you got this. You can be the bigger person and you can put any petty differences aside for an easy working environment. Fangs has already ruined enough of your life, he doesn’t need to ruin this to.

Apparently he does though, because not two seconds after you’ve had that life-altering thought, does he walk through the doors of Pop’s. The bell rings to announce his presence and everyone turns to look at him.

Sweet Pea buries his head in a menu, despite having already eaten. You frantically look around the place to try and find somewhere to hide, but instead you just watch as Olivia’s face lights up as she greets her boyfriend. The two of them kiss, his hands grip her waist and there is far too much tongue involved to be doing it in public.

Before you can stop yourself, a disgusted expression has already settled on your face and when Olivia turns around to introduce you to him, you try your best to smile through it.

“Do you guys know each other?” She asks while leading him over to the counter. Sweet Pea shuffles further away and grabs another menu to cover his face. You mumble a few curse words at him and vow than the next break you’re not just going to hit him with the rag, you’re going to choke him with it before you muster the politest smile you possibly can.

“Yeah. We went to school together!” You say before Fangs can say anything. He looks at you surprised and you narrow your eyes at him before looking back at Olivia. “We all did. Didn’t we Pea.” You add and snatch the menu’s from him.

He sits up straighter, forcing an awkward smile before nodding slowly.

“Yeah, we-er. We used to hang out.” He adds and Olivia looks at Fangs surprised.

“You never mentioned a Y/n and a-”

“Sweet Pea.” He says and you grab the empty plate and glass from in front of him.

“Wait, is it because they’re friends with that crazy ex you told me about?” She wonders and you freeze. You raise an eyebrow at him and he gulps. “Fangs used to date this girl and they were together for a really long time, but then he broke up with her because well, I guess he just wanted other things. She was crying and begging him to stay and it was a whole mess. Funny story we met when he was throwing away all her old furniture. I asked him what the smoke was about and he told me he was just burning some bad memories.” She laughs and the glass breaks under your grip. The noise causes you all to jump and suddenly it’s all too much.

Tears spring to your eyes and you quickly dump the apron on the counter.

“I’m gonna go clean this, can you cover for me Pea?” You ask and he stands, his face full of concern as he watches you disappear out the back.

Olivia grabs a dustpan and brush and starts cleaning up while Fangs just stares at the floor. Guilt burrows further into his chest as he stares at the broken glass and his new girlfriend cleaning it up.

“I didn’t mean to upset her.” She says. “Where they friends or something?” She asks and Sweet Pea shrugs.

“Yeah, something like that.” He sends Fangs a glare.

“I’ll go see if she’s okay.” He says suddenly and Sweet Pea’s glare only worsens.

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” He asks.

“Nope.” He takes a deep breath before following you through the kitchen and into the office. The door swings open and you sigh, too busy trying to pick glass from your hand to look up at it.

“I’m fine Sweet Pea. Could you just pass me the first aid box?”

“Here.” Fangs says and you quickly look up, your eyes widen at the dark haired boy standing in front of you. They soon darken once you snatch the box from him and place it on the desk.

“What do you want Fangs?”

“I’m sorry.” He kneels in front of you, forcing you to look at him. The already small office feels suddenly a lot smaller once you look into his eyes and suddenly you feel like you can’t breathe.

“For what? For breaking my heart, betraying my trust or for telling your new girlfriend, which you found after just a month, that I’m somehow the bad guy in this story?”

“Ye-”

“You know what Fangs.” You stand and slam the box on the table. “I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear about you or your new life or how sorry you are. I don’t give a fuck.” You shout and back him into a corner.

His eyes drop to your lips and your breath hitches under his stare. Was he really thinking about kissing you after everything? But even worse, were you really thinking about letting him? His hands grip your hips, pulling you even closer to him and your lips ghost over his own.

“Do you think about me when you kiss her?” You whisper in his ear and he nods slowly. “Do you think she can taste me when you kiss her?” You add and his eyes flutter closed. The grip on your hips tighten and he leans in, but the door swings open and he quickly jumps away from you.

“Sorry to interrupt.” Olivia apologises awkwardly. “Are you guys okay?”

“Just arguing.” You reply and force a smile. “We’re good now though aren’t we Fangs?”

“Yeah.” He nods. “Just fine.”

“Come on Olivia. Tell your boyfriend to get out because we have work to do.” You say and smile at the two of them. They share a look and a short kiss before Fangs disappears back through the kitchen.

You follow closely and watch from the kitchen door as he looks back one last time before leaving. Olivia forces a tight lipped smile at you before busying herself with cleaning some of the booths down.

“Sweet Pea?” You ask and he hums in reply. “You’re right...I am bitter.”

✨taglist ✨

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cupidsintern · 3 years

Text

wyd?

modern au, established relationship, i think nancy's gay

Steve’s on TikTok when the text comes in. He’s doing better lately, good enough that he can get baked by himself and not worry about spiraling. Instead he made a peanut butter marshmallow sandwich and listened to his most recent playlist all the way through like eight times and texted Robin for a while- she’s visiting family, lots of ‘Steve pls come rescue me pls ’- and now he’s on TikTok.

It’s not late-late. But it’s not early. And he knows Nancy and Jonathan are having issues- he heard about it from the kids who don’t get that gossip is not helpful to feelings- but he didn't know they went on a break. Until he gets the text.

10:46pm - 1 New Notification

Nancy Wheeler: Hey

Typing…

Nancy Wheeler: Haven't talked in a while. How are you?

Steve clicks the notif bar. He stares at the text. It’s not like he never talks to Nancy. She’s just not Baby <3 in his phone anymore. Hasn't been for a while. He used to wonder what Jonathan put her as in his phone.

Steve can scroll up to see previous texts- Hey i had a doctors appointment during third did you get the homework outline? And Lucas left his water bottle at our house! Mike has it with him

And, more recently: Happy Birthday! Hope it's a good one :)

But this feels different. This singular ‘hey’ in its own grey bubble kind of puts Steve on edge. He doesn't respond right away, figures he should text Robin to ask if he’s just being paranoid first but- shit she went to sleep didn't she. And while he’s typing out a “Hey when you wake up” message to Robin he gets another notif.

Nancy Wheeler: Jonathan and I are on a break

Then,

Nancy Wheeler: Sorry, I probably shouldn't be texting you haha. Just wanted some company i guess

Steve feels a hot flash of anger. Rolling in his stomach like lava. Jesus he’s too high to be this angry.

He picks up his phone again.

Types out “fuck you” and deletes it and then “thats understandable but maybe you should text one of your other friends” and then deletes it and then types out “why are you texting me we're not friends" and then deletes it and then-

Clicks back, scrolls down, and texts Billy.

You: R u still awake?

Steve gets a response within seconds.

Billy <3: aw do u miss me or smth?

Billy <3: gay

That makes Steve smile. Makes the anger cool down considerably, and he sits up a bit in bed.

You: Yes but also

You: Nancy texted me?

Billy <3: about what

Billy <3: about how she broke up with Jonathan?

You: H o w do you already know that

Billy <3: i know everything. Why’d she text you??

Steve gets another notif from Nancy. He doesn't want to open it.

Luckily, he doesn't have to right away. Billy calls him.

“No one’s home.” Is Billy's opener. “Speak freely.”

“Good evening to you too.” Steve says, relieved to have the sound of Billy’s voice to lean into.

“So what does Wheeler want?”

Steve’s thumb hesitates over the notif bar.

“She said her and Jonathan are on a break and she ‘wants company.’”

“Wow.” Steve can hear poorly concealed jealousy in Billy’s words. “That’s. Wow.”

“Don’t be j-”

“I’m not jealous.”

“Oookay.” Steve laughs a little. He still hasn't opened Nancy’s text.

“Are you going to respond?”

“No fucking way, man-” Steve starts, then another text.

Unread message: I need someone to talk to. I don’t know who else I could ask.

Steve’s brow furrows.

“What happened?” Comes Billy’s voice.

“She, uh.” Steve opens the chat finally. “Hang on.”

You: Hey

You: Seems like you're in a tough spot. Not sure I’m the right guy. Maybe you could talk about it with a closer friend?

Nancy: That’s just it.

Nancy: I don’t have any friends.

Nancy: I have no one else. Johnathon was the last person left I was close with and i fucking blew it. I have no idea what to do i'm lost and confused and i just really really could use someone to talk to.

Typing...

Nancy: Please

“Babe?” Billy again. “Yeah,” Steve exhales. “Nancy, uh. Sounds pretty bad actually.”

“She reeling you in with that act?”

“I don’t think it’s an act, Bills.” Steve sits up straighter. “Something’s wrong.”

He’s typing out a vague enough response when the next text comes in.

Nancy: I think I'm gay

Then-

Nancy: Can I call you?

I think I’m gay.

That’s. Okay. That’s… something. Something that kind of makes sense now that Steve thinks about it, connects a lot of dots Steve didn't know were floating around but.

Jesus, Nancy must be having a heart attack.

“Billy, I have to call you back.” Steve says, then realizes the kind of push back he’s going to get on that.

“Call me back?” High and mighty already. “You can't just ditch me with a ‘call you back’ when your ex is actively weedling her way-”

“She’s not weedling. She’s not doing well and she has no other friends.” Silence. “Please don’t pout-”

“I’m not pouting.”

“Aw,” Steve leans his head into the receiver a little. “If I say you look cute when you pout, will that hurt or help my case?”

“Hurt.”

“Ok, I promise I’ll call you back right after I talk to her.”

“You fucking better.”

Steve says “I love you” before he gets off the phone and is medium relieved to hear Billy say it back.

Steve calls Nancy. She takes a while to pick up. When she does, he can tell she’s been crying.

“You didn’t have to call.” Is the first thing she says. She sniffs right at the end.

“Seemed like you were having. A rough night.” Steve says. Her text hasn't fully sunk in, he’s thinking about all the times she called him crying. How they got more frequent right before the end.

“I shouldn't have bothered you, I’m sorry, you can go.” Nancy’s voice builds a little. She sounds frantic.

Steve can’t really feel soft feelings about Nancy cause all of them just piss him off or ice his blood but. He’s worried. “No, no it’s-” Then Steve hears the background noise. “Dude, are you driving?”

“I- w- yeah.” Nancy sounds a little defensive.

“Oh my god.”

“I just needed to clear my head! I know I shouldn’t have called it just…”

Steve steeled himself for the words he knew were about to come out of his mouth. No matter how much of a hothead Steve could be (not as much as Billy but still), he was still a total pushover about shit like this. “Do you. Want to come over?” Steve asked stiltedly. “If you're, you know, already driving around.”

Nancy sounded relieved when she said yes.

When Steve got outside to meet Nancy’s mom’s car’s headlights, it was raining.

“Hey,” was the first thing he said when she walked up.

Looking at Nancy doesn't do much to Steve anymore. Not the way it used to. Not the way looking at Billy does now.

Looking at Billy feels how Steve assumes people in the way-back-when felt when color TV was invented.

Nancy looks as washed out as Steve thinks she feels.

“Hi.”

“You wanna come in?”

Nancy hesitates. “I don’t. Want to impose.”

“It’s raining, Nance.”

She looks surprised, like she didn't notice. “Oh.” then. “Okay.”

Steve steps back as Nancy walks onto the smooth tile right in front of the front door. It’s quiet enough after the door closes Steve thinks he can hear her hair dripping onto the ground.

“So,” Steve says after a bit. “Did you-”

“I’m sorry.” Nancy says suddenly. But it’s not the panicked little “sorry’s” from earlier, it’s a single, earnest one.

“For what?” “Everything.” More tears are streaming down her cheeks now. “I know I shouldn't have bothered you, I didn’t- I wasn’t a good girlfriend. Or a good friend. I just. I thought maybe I would know who I was if someone else did, but I didn't. And I don’t have anyone else, and I remember when- when you told me you were bi when we were dating and I was weird about it but now i think I was just jealous- because- bec-” Nancy cut herself off, unable to keep going with the tears closing up her throat.

Steve swallowed pretty hard. “Because. You think, you’re gay?”

Nancy sat down on the floor.

“The floors all wet-”

“I know, Steve.” Nancy cut him off gently. He was familiar with the tone.

Steve looked at her, looked at the floor, and opted to sit next to her. The rain was hitting harder on the door behind them.

Nancy didn't seem like she had anything more to say. Steve tried to think of something to ask.

“Why, uh. Why do you think you are?”

“I don’t know if I am.” She said quickly.

“Why do you think you might be?”

She sighed, pushed the wet hair off her face. “You don’t have to talk to me about this. I figure it probably doesn't feel good to hear.”

Steve hadn't thought of that. If Nancy is gay, that means she probably wasn't ever actually into him. Not just after a while, but from ‘go,’ it wasn't the same for her.

“Not great.” Steve admitted. “But. It isn't about me.”

Nancy sighed again. “Why are you so nice?” She mumbled. “Both you and Jonathan.” Then she teared up again.

“I thought maybe.” Nancy started up after clearing her throat. “That I didn’t… feel as much because. I was just with the wrong person.” She glanced sideways, clearly feeling worse with every word. “But. I didn’t. I just. I felt the same. Like something was missing.”

“You always feel like that?” Steve was kind of surprised. “Like, with every relationship?”

“Romantic ones, yeah.”

The rain got louder again. “I was…” Nancy fought to say the next words. “I didn’t always feel like that.”

“With us?” Steve hopes a little. “Or with Jonathan?”

Nancy speaks a little softer, like it will soften the blow to Steve, to herself. “...With Barb.”

Billy was going to give Steve so much shit for falling for Robin and Nancy since it sounded like they were both gay. He already had gotten shit about Robin. “This is a problem unique to bisexuals.” had been Billy’s quip.

Nancy talked a bit more easily after that one admission. About why Barb's death hit her so hard. About why she felt bad for hurting Steve, how confused she was, how alone.

How she pushed everyone away except whoever held the position of boyfriend because she didn't ever feel right around people. But boyfriend seemed. Normal.

Steve was pretty familiar with feeling like he Should Do whatever was ‘normal.’ His parents weren’t exactly pleased when ‘being bi’ turned out to be an actual thing and not just a family conversation they could keep pretending they didn't have.

Nancy was crying again. Said she was sorry again.

Steve hugged her.

It was pretty awkward. He was trying not to touch her too much and her hair got his sweater wet, but she tucked her face against his chest like she always used to.

Something about that clicked. How hugs had always felt closer for them than kisses. How maybe they had been meant to be friends, and just misread the signs.

Maybe they could be friends now. Maybe.

Nancy pulled away and wiped her nose. “Thank you.”

“Yeah.”

Steve checked his phone to let Nancy fix her face a little and then winced at the sheer volume of messages from Billy that popped up on his screen.

“What’s up?’ Nancy asked, leaning back over.

“Oh, just Billy.”

“Oh god,” Nancy grimace. “He can’t have been pleased I came over.”

Steve opened the messages. “He’s not. But I told him it was important.” “You can. Tell him.” Nancy said tentatively. “If you want. About what we talked about. About me.” Billy was gonna get a kick out of this. But Steve felt more somber about it than Billy probably would.

It was weird.

He’d been in Nancy’s shoes. But he’d also been completely in love with her. So at once he was hurt and sympathetic.

But he also felt. Better.

Something about the two of them, Steve and Nancy, always seemed. Unfinished.

This was probably the close out they needed.

“I should call Billy back.”

“Of course.” Nancy looked almost embarrassed. “I can go-”

“Nah, stay a bit.” Steve was standing up, unlocking his phone to a slew of “wheeler has been on my shit list from day ONE” and “i know you’d never cheat like i know that i'm not crazy but my therapist said.” Makes Steve smile at his phone. “‘I'll make you tea or something."

#i just! think nancy is a lesbian #shes not been Great to either of her bfs #so maybe theres a good reason!#nancy wheeler #steve harrington #billy hargrove #steve x billy #billy x steve #harringrove #harringrove fanfic #background harringrove #my fic

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bluejayblueskies · 3 years

Text

philautia

n. a love based on deep connection to one’s well-being and built upon a love for one’s self; a centered wholeness

Words: 2.3k

Fandom: The Magnus Archives

Relationship: Sasha James & Tim Stoker & Martin Blackwood & Jonathan Sims, Past Tim Stoker/Sasha James, Minor Jonathan Sims/Martin Blackwood

Characters: Tim Stoker, Martin Blackwood, Jonathan Sims, Sasha James

Additional Tags: AU - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fluff and Humor, Statement Fic (but not in the way you expect!), Aromantic and Asexual Characters, Implied/Referenced Homophobia (very minor), Implied/Referenced Arophobia (also very minor)

Summary:

SASHA

So, according to Tim, I’m supposed to be recording a statement on, quote, my “most swashbucklingest experience as an esteemed member of the LGBT community.” He left this recorder on my desk and stole my scone. Timothy Stoker, I will not forget that.

---

Statements of members of the archival staff at the Magnus Institute, London, regarding certain facets of their aspec identities. Statements compiled by Timothy Stoker on 10th June, 2016. For personal use only.

Ao3 link in reblogs

Or read below:

[CLICK]

MARTIN

—really don’t think this is necessary—

TIM

Aaaaand we’re recording!

MARTIN

(exasperated) Tim.

TIM

Oh, come on Martin, it’s more fun this way!

[MARTIN MAKES A NOISE OF DISAGREEMENT]

TIM

You cannot look me in the eye and tell me that this doesn’t appeal to your, and I quote, “retro aesthetic.”

MARTIN

(reluctantly) It… might.

TIM

See! So it’s perfect!

…

[HE SIGHS]

Obviously you don’t have to if you don’t want to, Martin. I just thought it might be nice—to have something to look back on when we’re all old and sick of each other, you know? Here, I can go first.

MARTIN

Tim, you don’t have to—

TIM

(overlapping, adopting the ‘Archivist’ voice) Statement of Timothy Stoker, regarding the first time he went to Pride with his brother, Danny. June 10th, 2016.

(cheekily) Statement begins.

TIM (STATEMENT)

(in his normal voice) I realized I was into blokes too when I was 15, you know. Think it took me a while because of the whole ace thing, though that took me until I was in uni to really figure out. I was still fine with sex, you know, always enjoyed it when it came up, just… never really wanted it with anyone in particular. So I suppose I’d assumed for a while that the things I was feeling toward other guys weren’t romantic because I never had the sexual parts to go along with them. (with wry humor) Almost ruined a few relationships that way, actually.

But I’m getting a bit off-topic. Can’t be one of those rambling statement givers Jon hates. God, I can see his face now, that thing he does with his nose—Martin, you know the one, the- the way it looks like he’s just smelled something really, really rank.

MARTIN

I thought you said you weren’t going to ramble.

TIM

Cheeky, cheeky. Okay, where was I. Right.

TIM (STATEMENT)

Mom and Dad weren’t real big on the whole bi thing, so the first time I got the chance to go to Pride was in uni. The first time I got the chance to go with Danny was after he turned 18 and got his first modeling gig. At least, I think he was already modeling back then. Point is, we were both out of the house, and Danny had been dying to go to Pride with me ever since I sent him pictures of me and Sasha eating an entire box of rainbow-colored donuts that first year. I’d figured out I was ace by then, but it had been pretty recent, so when we got there, I found one of the vendors selling those big flags you drape over your shoulders and got an ace one. Felt a bit weird having the ace flag instead of the bi one like the other years, but I had worn that pink, blue, and purple button-down Sasha got me for Christmas once, so overall, it felt all right.

And Danny—god, he loved it. Pretty sure he ate his weight in fried food that day.

[HE LAUGHS]

Almost got the aro flag he’d borrowed from Sasha dirty, actually, when he—

(quickly changes course) Ah, nothing! Sasha, if you’re listening to this, absolutely nothing happened to your flag, and I definitely did not have it laundered before I returned it to you.

TIM

Aaaaand that’s it! Statement ends, I guess.

See—easy! (a bit more seriously) But really—you don’t have to record one if you don’t want to, Martin.

MARTIN

…

No, I- I want to.

TIM

Are you sure? I don’t want you to do that thing where you just do something because you think someone else wants you to.

MARTIN

I do not—!

…

Okay, okay, fine. Point taken. But yeah, I- I’m sure.

[RUSTLING AS THE TAPE RECORDER IS PASSED FROM TIM TO MARTIN]

MARTIN

(with an audible smile) Statement of, er, Martin Blackwood. Regarding… a crush. No, no, wait—god, that sounds so juvenile. Regarding himself, and a person who- er, someone whom he—

[HE SIGHS]

Fine. Regarding a crush. Statement given June 10th, 2016.

Statement begins.

MARTIN (STATEMENT)

I’m always a little embarrassed to tell people that I’ve never dated anyone before? Okay, a- a lot embarrassed, actually. I try not to bring it up, but people will say things like, oh, you know how it is to shop for a partner or meeting her parents is definitely nerve-wracking—which is wrong on, er, two accounts, actually—and then I feel more awkward not telling them that I don’t know, actually, because I’ve never been in a relationship longer than a week or so. Then, they’ll get all sympathetic, like it’s some- some tragedy that I’m not involved with someone, and that’s worse, because then they’ll offer to set me up with people, or say that they don’t understand why I’m single because I’m a catch or whatever, and I have to give them some excuse about not interested at the moment.

It’s not that, not really. Dates with strangers, they- they just never work out for me.

I think I fall somewhere on the aromantic spectrum? I didn’t think about it much until Sasha mentioned it once over drinks—I think you were there, Tim, although you were (laughs) very drunk by that point. I told her I hadn’t had a crush on anyone since sixth form, and she threw around a bunch of terms. I- I honestly don’t really remember, it was kind of overwhelming and (laughs) I was also pretty drunk as well. But yeah, it… it sounds about right.

(hesitantly, as if bracing himself for impact) So… this person. Who I, er. Recently, that is, who I…

[HE CLEARS HIS THROAT]

It’s really strange, that’s all. And a- a lot. I—heh—I don’t really know what to do about it.

MARTIN

…

Uh, statement ends? I guess? I, uh, don’t really have anything else to say. (jokingly) It’s not like there’s any, er, follow-up or whatever. (to Tim) Was- was that okay?

TIM

(audibly smiling) Yup! Most excellent, Marto. (more seriously) You felt okay, right?

MARTIN

(huh) Yeah. Yeah, I- I did. A bit nice, actually. (quickly) As- as long as this stays in the archives, though. It… it is staying in the archives, right?

TIM

Oh, definitely. Right next to the section on love potions, I think.

MARTIN

Tim!

TIM

(laughs) Yes, Martin, it’s staying in the archives. Pinkie promise. Just you, me, Sasha, and Jon. (in the tone of a man who knows a great secret and wants nothing more than to share it) Speaking of Jon—

MARTIN

(quickly) Uh, recording ends!

TIM

(undeterred) —is he the—?

[CLICK]

SASHA

Right. So, according to Tim, I’m supposed to be recording a statement on, quote, my “most swashbucklingest experience as an esteemed member of the LGBT community.” He left this recorder on my desk and stole my scone. Timothy Stoker, I will not forget that. It was white chocolate raspberry, and I’m stealing the money it cost out of your wallet.

…

Anyway.

[SHE CLEARS HER THROAT]

Statement of Sasha James, given 10th June 2016. Subject of statement is… hmm. Let’s say… (laughs) A brief relationship with one Timothy Stoker.

Statement begins.

SASHA (STATEMENT)

Tim, I know you’re listening to this, and I just want to preface this by saying that yes, it was Italian that we had for dinner that night, not Greek. You’re thinking of a different friendship-turned-hookup-turned-awkward-aftermath-turned-friendship.

[SHE LAUGHS QUIETLY]

Anyway, I guess the best place to begin with this whole thing is by saying that I’ve known I was aro since I was 16 and that I’ve never been very good at talking about it. I’ve ended plenty of tried and failed relationships with the it’s-not-you-it’s-me talk because I didn’t know how to explain that I just… wasn’t interested in romance.

I wanted to explain it to you beforehand, Tim, I really, really did. We’ve had this conversation, I know I know—I won’t rehash it over tape.

[SHE SIGHS]

But the important thing is that I like you so, so much, and—god, this is stupid—I guess maybe I thought that it wouldn’t matter with you? That you could like me romantically and I could like you platonically and it would be fine. Like I said, stupid, but you asked me out to that Italian place—yes, Italian, for god’s sake, I had the chicken parm and you had some sort of lasagna abomination—and I just… couldn’t say no. And it was nice, really. I had a lot of fun.

And then we slept together. And… that was really nice. But then, the next morning, the… the guilt set in. Because I felt the same as I always had about you—which is to say that I loved you, just not in the same way you loved me—and I became convinced that I’d gone and ruined the whole thing.

Ignoring you for a week was probably not the correct response. (quieter) Yeah, definitely not my finest moment. But I’d gotten it in my head that the moment I told you that I didn’t feel that way about you and that I would never feel that way about you—or about anyone—you’d hate me. And you don’t have to say that you’d never hate me—I know you wouldn’t. I think I knew it then, too. But fear is a powerful thing.

…

Anyway, you know how it all turned out. You finally dragged me out to coffee and I finally told you why I’d been avoiding you and it was really, really awkward for about a month after that and then it just… wasn’t anymore. (audibly smiling) And you’re still my best friend, Tim. Even if you did steal my scone.

[THE SOUND OF PAPERS RUSTLING AND A CHAIR ROLLING BACKWARD]

Recording ends.

[CLICK]

ARCHIVIST

Statement of Kyle Henning, regarding a strange mushroom he found growing in his garden. Original statement given April 15th, 2011. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

Statement begi—

[DOOR OPENS]

TIM

Hey boss! Got a moment?

ARCHIVIST

(irritated) Tim, please at least knock when the door to my office is closed. I was just about to record a statement.

TIM

(unbothered) So if you were about to, that means you’re not recording one right now, which means you do have a moment.

ARCHIVIST

(flatly) Shut the door on your way out, Tim.

TIM

(brightly) Right you are, boss! Juuuust going to leave this here on your desk. Bring it back whenever you’re done!

[PAPERS RUSTLE AS SOMETHING IS PLACED ON THE DESK]

ARCHIVIST

(dryly) I’m fairly certain that I’m the one who assigns you tasks to complete, Tim.

TIM

That you do! I guess I better get back to them then. Have fun!

ARCHIVIST

(firmly) Tim—

[DOOR CLOSES]

[HE SIGHS]

ARCHIVIST

Right. Well, given that this recording is essentially useless now and I hadn’t even gotten to the statement, I may as well start over. (mutters under his breath) Bloody waste of tape and my time—

[CLICK]

[PAPERS RUSTLE. FOR A MOMENT, THERE IS ONLY THE SOUND OF BREATHING. THEN, JON SIGHS.]

ARCHIVIST

Before I begin, I would like to make it very clear that this is not an appropriate use of working hours or the tape recorders, which should be used for statements that won’t record digitally as per Elias’s request.

…

That being said, I am… not entirely opposed to this project. So, I suppose…

[HE CLEARS HIS THROAT]

Statement of Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London, regarding… regarding a black ring worn on the middle finger of his right hand. Statement recorded by subject, June 10th, 2016.

Statement begins.

ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT)

I’ve often been told that I am not a very open person. I don’t necessarily intend to be closed-off, but I’ve also never found the need to disclose every aspect of my personal life to everyone I come into contact with. And yes, Tim—because I trust that you and you alone will be listening to this tape—that is a perfectly respectable way to live one’s life. Not everyone needs to know what I ate for breakfast that morning or who my favorite primary school teacher was.

…

I… will admit, though, that in certain circumstances, I… could probably stand to be more transparent regarding aspects of my personal life. Perhaps that’s why Georgie bought me the ring.

It wasn’t a special occasion. She just brought it back from the shop one day, a few weeks after a… particularly illuminating conversation about certain sexual identities, and dropped it atop my copy of Wuthering Heights. Honestly, I had no idea what it was at first. I- (heh) I tried to make a joke about unorthodox proposals, but I- I don’t really think it landed. Georgie just looked at me and said that she’d seen it on one of the online forums, that it was called an ace ring, and that she thought I might like it. I think I was more surprised about the fact that the ring fit perfectly than at the fact that she’d bought me the ring in the first place.

So I wore it. And it felt… nice. Understand, I don’t keep quiet about my romantic and sexual identities out of shame or embarrassment or indecision; I simply don’t feel the need to announce them at any given moment. So I’ve always been fond of small things—pins and stickers and such—that I can incorporate into my life, insignificant enough that they aren’t readily apparent to anyone but me, as they’re for me more than for anyone else. My ring is one such thing.

[THERE IS A MOMENT OF SILENCE. MORE WORDS SIT IN THE AIR, WAITING. EVENTUALLY, HOWEVER, HE SIGHS, AND THE WORDS REMAIN UNSAID.]

ARCHIVIST

Statement ends.

…

Right.

(with something that might be a smile) As for your other request, I do have a prior engagement with Georgie and Melanie this weekend. Though if you’re willing to accommodate two more, I’m sure they wouldn’t be opposed to coming along. Georgie’s always telling me that Pride is more fun when you’re with a group, after all.

End recording.

[CLICK]

#tma #the magnus archives #tma fic #the magnus archives fic #AspecArchives #asexual jonathan sims #gray-aro martin blackwood #aromantic sasha james #asexual tim stoker #sex-favorable tim stoker #biphobia //#arophobia //#(minorly for both)#my fic #my writing

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tuffduff · 4 years

Text

No Big Deal (Slash x Reader)

Pairing: slight angst/fluffy Slash x fem bi Reader

Words: 1,662

Request: @lunarwolfgirl101 : “A female reader coming out as bisexual to Slash? Like one day their family finds out and they hate her and she runs away to his house and tells him then he confesses his feelings to her and it’s just fluffy angst? Sorry if this sounds to weird”

A/N: This is not weird at all, I’m glad you felt like you could request this from me. (I picture a younger Slash here, probably right as they started up GNR) Coming from someone who is bisexual, I know it’s hard to have these conversations with family and even friends who have been there for years. You’re not weird or broken, and that goes for anyone who is LGBTQ+. My blog is a safe place for all, and you can always talk with me.

Taglist: @ubernoxa @the--blackdahlia @reigns420 @stradlin-cold-heartbreaker @rumoured-whispers @dustnbones

“So…you’re a lesbian?” You mother repeated for the third time. You pressed your lips together, resisting the urge to huff or roll your eyes in frustration; you didn’t want to make that mistake right now and start that argument.

“No. I’m bisexual. I like boys and girls.” You explained as slowly and calmly as possible, trying to keep your voice even. The hope that your mother and father would understand and even accept you was quickly slipping out of your hands; your father had been frozen staring out the window with a blank face ever since you started this conversation.

“Honey, no.” Your mother shook her head dismissively, as if the information you were telling her was somehow wrong. “You don’t like girls.”

“I do. I like both.”

“But my daughter isn’t a lesbian.”

“Yeah, I’m not. That’s what you’re not getting, I’m bi—”

“That’s not real!” Your father finally exploded, his eyes angry as he fixed his wrath on you. Your voice died in your throat as he raised his. “You might as well claim you’re a whore! That is basically what you’ve sat us down to tell us! Now, stop with this ridiculous bullshit! I don’t want to hear another word about this!” He pushed away from the dinner table and stormed past you towards the living room. You swallowed hard and looked at your mother who sat staring at you silently. She didn’t back you up, she didn’t try to prevent your tears. She only looked at you with disappointment and watched you cry.

Without wasting another second, you leaped up from your seat.

“Honey, where are you going?” Your mother said in a patronizing tone. You ignored her and slammed the front door behind you as you walked down the street of your neighborhood, shoving your hands in your pockets.

You kept your head down as your walked with hot tears slipping down your cheeks. It felt as if every car that drove by knew your secret and felt the same way as your family; you didn’t belong here. Where was your place? It didn’t feel like it was here, it didn’t feel like you had a place at all.

There was a reason you never told a soul; this was something you struggled with for a while. The realization that you not only thought the girls around you were pretty, but desirable. That you didn’t lose the desire you felt towards boys despite these new feelings you let in. The idea of you spending your life loving a man or a woman was more than okay with you. And that you weren’t broken because of it—there were other people like you.

Before, you were actually excited to let your parents know your revelation, and now you realized how foolish it had been.

You realized your steps had taken you a few blocks over to your best friend’s house, Saul—Slash. Really, you couldn’t go anywhere else. There’s nowhere else you wanted to go, or could go.

Without any hesitation, you walked up to the foundation of the house and knocked on the small basement window that was Slash’s room and waited outside the front door. Within a few moments, the front door swung open and your best friend stood in front of you in only a pair of unbuttoned jeans. He was blinking sleep from his eyes as he inspected you with confusion.

“Y/N? Hey, what’s up; I thought we were hanging out later?” He yawned, stretching.

“Uh, yeah. Sorry, I got into it with my parents.” You mumbled, keeping your head down.

“Oh, shit. What happened?” He asked, stepping aside to let you inside. There was understanding in his tone, compassion, but how could you tell him?

“Uh...” you said, your voice faltering. Suddenly, you were paralyzed with fear. You couldn’t lose Slash now too. What if he thought you were just a freak? What if he wanted nothing to do with you? “I don’t know...it was dumb.” You muttered dismissively as you made your way down to his room and sat on his unmade bed. He was right behind you and sprawled out next to you.

“Did you think it was dumb or did they think it was dumb?” This was what he would do. Slash was always prying information out of you; he was inquisitive and always curious, but you weren’t always so open. He had gotten good over the years at asking little questions, like a game, to get information out of you.

“Them. It was pretty serious to me.” You continued to look down, now playing with the hem of your shirt.

“You know how old people can be,” Slash chuckled. “You tell them things and they take it way out of hand. It’s like their brains can only accept so many ideas.”

“I don’t know, maybe they’re right.” You mumbled, glaring down hard as you tried to keep the tears in your eyes and your voice even.

“You said it was serious. So, they’re not right.” You couldn’t reply to his words. Suddenly, his hand touched your knee. “Please just tell me, Y/N. What happened?”

You bit your lip, feeling ashamed as you replayed the incident with your parents. But this was a part of you, and maybe you needed to start weeding people from your life if they couldn’t accept you. Or maybe you just needed to swallow it. You could keep it to yourself and just be normal, you didn’t have to embrace it…

“I told them I was bisexual.” You said, letting all your thoughts go out the window. Slash was silent, and you looked up fearfully to see him staring at you blankly, just like your father had. You waited for his outburst, for him to make a face, for him to argue in a million roundabout ways to prove you wrong, but he only blinked at you.

“Then what?”

“Then what?” You asked in confusion. “I...I came out to them. I told them I liked boys and girls.” Slash continued to stare at you before his eyes widened in realization.

“Oh. So, that’s it?”

“What do you mean ‘that’s it’?”

“Well, I just mean that’s not a big deal.”

“My dad called me a whore and my mom implied I’m either a lesbian or I’m not.” Slash frowned.

“Well, that’s not cool. That is pretty dumb.” He pulled himself upright so he could sit next to you. “Aw, Y/N. Don’t cry. I told you; they just can’t wrap their heads around things and it’s stupid.” He slung an arm over your shoulder while you wiped your tears away; you knew you shouldn’t waste your tears on them.

“I... I just thought they would accept me. I didn’t ever consider the possibility that they wouldn’t. And then I got scared that I would tell you and it would be the same thing.”

“Because you like girls and boys?” He asked in confusion. “Y/N, I wouldn’t ever care about that. I would’ve been bummed if you said you were a lesbian though. I mean!” He stopped himself really fast and your head snapped towards him. “I mean, it would be fine! I would accept you either way!”

“Then why would you be bummed?” You demanded, already fighting feelings of betrayal. This was just a different kind of disappointment, the same as your parents. As Slash stammered, you stood up.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that! It’s because I’m in love with you!” You stopped in your tracks at his words and turned to him, your eyes wide. “And…well, that would mean I didn’t have a chance...which I’m not sure I have anyways...but I’ve felt this way for a long time. For....geez. I guess years. Ever since middle school.”

“You...you like me?” You whispered. Slash chuckled a little, an adorable smile growing on his lips and lighting up his entire face.

“No, I don’t like you. I love you. I’m pretty sure of that.” You laughed in amazement. “And I love you for you, everything about you. The only thing that’s weird about you is the fact that you never take your socks off, but I’m cool with that too.” You laughed, again, throwing your arms around his neck.

“I...I think I love you too.” You whispered, hugging him as tight as you possibly could. He held you in his arms, and it felt as though he was the gravity keeping you on earth, centering you again. “And I get cold, alright?” Slash chuckled and pulled back.

“You think you love me?”

You looked into his tentative eyes, the way he was holding his breath as he waited. You knew if you told him no, he would still support you and remain in your life. You knew that now with every fiber of your being that Slash would always support you and your decisions. And in that moment, you had never been more grateful for anything in your life. That you did return those feelings. That your heart already held him in that position and was waiting for the day, for now, when you finally realized it.

“No, I do. I love you too.” You nestled back into his neck, letting your eyes close in peace. “Thank you,” you whispered. He merely smoothed his hands up and down your back soothingly, holding you as long as you needed. “I don’t want to go back home yet,” you murmured, your chin resting on his shoulder. Suddenly, you felt Slash pulling you down to his bed.

“Don’t. We can just watch movies. My mom would let you stay here. She wouldn’t care, and she would accept you too if you wanted to tell her or, you know, talk to someone about it. I think she even has friends who are bisexual.” You smiled, nodding and making a plan to talk with Slash’s mom later. But for now, you snuggled into his side, resting your head on his chest.

#slash gnr #slash imagine #guns n roses #guns n roses imagine #gnr #gnr imagine #saul hudson imagine #saul hudson #guns n roses x reader #80s imagines #classic rock imagine

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whenwordsmakesense · 3 years

Text

Day 4: Queer

@pridewrite2021 (I haven’t done day 3 because, man, angst is hard to write. But it will be up soon! I hope).

Anyways, here you can find my other two works that I have done for this lovely event!

Awakening

Fandom: Teen Wolf

Ship: Derek Hale × Stiles Stilinski

Words: 1.3k

Summary: Kid!Stiles realizing boys are equally as pretty as girls.

Read on AO3 or right here:

Warning: None.

>> Starts from here onwards.

Mrs. Rose was Stiles Stilinski's favorite person. She was a sweet old lady, with the voice of an angel (she'd smiled the biggest when he'd told her that), and she loved reading to him and the other kids in the library. Stiles' favorite place was the library, and he was very happy that he got to go to the library and talk to Mrs. Rose everyday!

“I'll see you in the evening, okay, Mischief?” His mom's voice made him look back at her, and he smiled and nodded.

“Okay, mommy! Bring back a cookie for me? Please?” His mommy worked in the best bakery in town, and he loved the chocolate cookies the best. If he'd been good in school, his mom would even bring him back some desert! And he'd been really good today.

Mom smiled and pulled him in a hug, then kissed his forehead and told him to be good, leaving him in the lounge area of the library to wait for Mrs. Rose to come. His mom always dropped him off some time before the reading session started, but he didn't mind it. He loved exploring the library all on his own.

Today was a little different, though. Normally, only kids around his age came in with parents, and they either sat in the lounge area or followed him around—he was the only one allowed to touch the books (which he could reach), because most kids didn't understand the value of books—asking him to take that or this book down, just to see the cover. It annoyed him, but his parents had told him that he was what adults called a ‘precocious’ child. Which just meant he was eight going on eighty, if his dad was to be believed. Stiles was not eighty! He was eight! And he just liked learning new things, correctly, that's all.

So it was understandable that he was shocked when an older kid—a teenager—came into the library, looking sad and angry all at once, and also looking irritated when a small girl ran away from.

The girl kind of looked like the big boy. She had the same colored skin, and their face kind of matched. But she had dark brown hair, darken than Stiles' own, and the big boy had perfect black hair and it looked like Superman's did, like even the biggest wind wouldn't ruffle it. Stiles couldn't see the big boy's eyes clearly, but it was a light color, he could tell. The girl though had brown eyes, same color as her hair. She looked really nice.

Stiles realised he didn't know her. And he knew everybody who came to the library.

He made his way to the brother and sister, the big boy looking at him for one second before making a face and moving away.

“Hi! I'm Stiles, who are you? I haven't seen you here before and I come here everyday!”

“Everyday?” She asked him as if it was the worst thing ever.

“Yes!” He frowned. “If you don't want to be here why are you here?”

She made a face and told him, “Because Derek is a jerk!” She shouted the last bit to the big boy and Derek told her to shut up. Stiles looked at her with wonder.

“You just said a bad word,”

“So?” She asked him with her nose in the air. Arrogantly. That was the word. Mrs. Rose had taught them this last week.

Stiles' dad was a deputy, and he put bad guys away in jail. He always told Stiles that using bad words is not good, and he is a deputy, so that must be true! But this girl said it, and she didn't seem bad. Just annoyed.

Stiles didn't answer. Just took her hand and led her to the reading room, where Mrs. Rose had arrived and was setting up. She smiled at the two of them.

“Made a new friend, did you, Stiles?” She asked. “Who might this sweet little princess be?”

“Not a princess!” She said arrogantly. “I'm a warrior,” she looked ready to fight anyone who might tell her that no, she wasn't a warrior. That was stupid. Girls didn't always have to be princesses, and boys warriors. They could be anything they wanted. Lydia Martin, the smartest girl in his class, had told their bad teacher Ms. Argent that when she'd forced Danny to be a warrior instead of a prince like he wanted.

“Oh! Do you know how to fight with a sword?” As far as Stiles was concerned, that was the only thing you needed to know to be a warrior.

“I do.”

“Then you can be my knight! We can play Royals and Knights after!”

“What's that?” She asked, and Stiles found her to be really pretty, when she didn't look angry. But he'd found her brother to be pretty when he was angry... Could boys be even called that? Pretty?

“It's like Princess and Knights, sweetheart,” Mrs. Rose answered.

Stiles listened as Mrs. Rose introduced herself to Cora, and Cora finally told her name, and then soon it was reading time, but his attention was mostly on how Derek was pretty. The boy had come in after some time, calling out for Cora, and then at Mrs. Rose's insistence stayed in the room. Stiles couldn't look away from him. Whenever he did, he would always look back to Derek to make sure he was still there. Stiles even felt some mice dancing around in his stomach when Derek looked him in the eye, but he wasn't hungry. He didn't think he was, but mice in his stomach meant he was.

It was all so weird, how could he find both boys and girls to be pretty? This wasn't the first time he'd thought boys were pretty too, but he hadn't thought much of it. But today he'd told Danny he looked pretty in his new shirt, and the other boys had looked at him weird. Even the girls had. Only Lydia nodded and agreed with him, and led Danny back to their table.

Were boys not supposed to find other boys pretty? He would have to ask Mrs. Rose that, she would know the answer. She was old—even if she didn't like being reminded of it—and she knew stuff. She was very wise.

So, after pretty much everyone had cleared out, and minutes before his mom would be here—she came sharp at six, but right now it was fifteen minutes to six—he walked towards his favourite person.

“You weren't paying attention today, were you little Mischief?” She asked him with a smile. This was why she was his favourite. His mind tended to work very fast, he had something called ADHD apparently, and so he normally couldn't focus in classes for too long. Reading hour was kind of like classes too, but here Mrs. Rose didn't scold him for not paying attention, just asked him what was it this time that had caught his attention. This was also why she was the only one other than his parents who could call him Mischief.

“No,” he said, and quickly asked, “I think Cora is pretty but I also think Derek, her brother, is pretty. Danny is pretty too and Lydia is too, but the other boys didn't think so when I said that Danny is pretty. Are boys not supposed to find other boys to be pretty?”

Years later, Stiles would remember the conversation that followed, and he'd smile. Derek, his asshole (quite literally, too) of an husband, would just know by looking at his smile what he's thinking of, and would tease him about being Stiles' bi awakening years before they were even friends. Stiles would smack him playfully, and then somehow, like always, they'd end up tangled together in each other's arms.

#pridewrite2021 #day 4: queer #queer #bisexual #teen wolf #sterek #stiles stilinski #derek hale #cora hale #claudia stilinski #my fic #whenwordsmakesense

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chaotic-trav · 3 years

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Tell me about your story

U mean the novel I'm writing or my life story? Cuz I think I should probably stop myself from talking about my life story, sorry. However my novel on the other hand is smh that I will happily talk about.😌

Haha, tbf with you I haven't completely figured that shit out. But I have a good idea of what I want it to be. All the MC's are a part of the LGBTQIA+ community 😌. No one is straight...except for a few people. Otherwise everyone is gay.

For the main characters you got, Livia, Melissa, Eduard, Alexade also goes by Jamie, Rigel and Corlac the twins, Scott, Jacy, Nora...should I count Marsina? I'm counting her.

So basically, there's this magical world, where everyone with magic and powers live. However people with non magical parents do exist, and it's some people's job to find them and get them there. Some people are magical, but there can be a bit of issue finding them, so sometimes they find you when your at like your adulthood. Two of the MC's get found at twelve and have magical parents and the other two at fourteen and have non magical ones. There's a bunch of powers in this world. Like kheimokinesis which is basically winter powers, Argokinises which is firepowers, Aquakinises which is water powers, Mentokinises which means that u can literally control the whole brain, Aestakinises which is summer powers and so many more. There's also magic, which is different from powers. Magic is just the normal stuff like moving things and spells. They could do the same thing with people as powers but it would take more concentration and effort on their part then someone who can do it instinctively. In a way it's the same way for everyone, because it's harder to use some other powers than your own. Especially if it's the opposite of your own. Oh and everyone needs to know spells, to do magic, in the beginning. Overtime their magic gets stronger and they can just easily with concentration do it.

Some people just have magic and no powers. Some people have two powers and are known to be extremely powerful. Some have powers, but it's like the opposite of themselves, which is a disease. Your powers are supposed to symbolise who you are as a person, they're supposed to symbolise certain aspects of your personality. For some people they don't, they are the complete opposite of who they are. It can be just a little bit harder for them to control their powers. Just a little tho.

There are also levels for magic, up to twenty. Level one is the second highest and level twenty is the lowest. The highest is level Virvanda, and people of that level only appear once a century. Of u get lucky they come twice. There are also cursed Virvandas. Virvandas throughout history have been someone who put the greater good above everything, who were ready to do whatever that needed to be done and were supposed to not care for mercy and be a bringer of justice. Cursed Virvandas are basically people, who cared more about the people than they love than the greater good, who were merciful and always ready to give a second chance. People would have loved them if somehow they didn't end up causing the demise of so many things, and themselves. So basically people hate cursed Virvandas, because in their eyes they are a bringer of doom....more will be told in the story on why that kept happening.

There's a war going on. But it's not like this side is wrong and evil and that one is right and good war. Because dammit I'm tired of seeing those. It's basically just that. A war. Neither side is fully right and neither is fully wrong. Not gonna elaborate anymore on that.

There's this prophecy, but it's like a dark prophecy. All of the MCs in the prophecy's words are supposed to be evil. But yeah the prophecy might or might not be defied😌. Well not all of the MCs. Livia who is also Virvanda level is supposed to bring them peace but she's also cursed and loves all of the other MCs alot so she'll probably give her best into defying the prophecy.

I'm going to now go on a ramble about Livia who's most definitely not the most main and most beloved for me. ( I am so sorry about all my rambling)

She's an atheist who grew up in a toxic and mildly abusive household, she is also bi but will discover this later on. She's like I said cursed Virvanda. she's going to hate being called that and just be like fuck u I'm Livia erelans, that's my name, call me by that. she also has anxiety and will get depressed as the story goes on. Loads of trauma for her. She wants to be an author. She loves reading and is in so many fandoms. Loves cats. Always there to help out. Does not work well under pressure. Got anger issues. She's also someone who's like always trying to hide their problems. Can be a indecisive. Badass and nice as hell. Won't hesitate to call you out on your shit. Chaotic mom friend. Can sometimes do things without thinking. She is kheimokinesis. Feminist. Insecure. Self deprecating. Cares more about others than herself. Will stand up for any cause that she thinks us right. Creative as hell. Gotta learn to love herself. Just so tired and done with everything but will still get excited about stupid things. She keeps fighting for what she believes in even after going through so much trauma and gives so many second chances. Loves to daydream and the colour sky blue and the sky itself. She also loves to stragaze and listening to music. Bad at maths and drawing. I absolutely love her and she is def my favourite character to write.

Basically that's my MC for u. A beautiful human being that I love....if I ever finish that book and if u already don't hate my guts after reading all this, then you can read that and find out about the others yourself....if u feel like reading the bullshit that I will write. If u don't that's okay too. Thank u for this ask tho, it made me extremely happy🥺🥺.

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blessedarethebinarybreakers · 4 years

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(Please answer asap) i came out as bi to my Catholic parents and they did not react very well, my mom especially. She keeps saying that I don't have enough experience and they don't want to drift apart from me and how she doesn't understand how I can be okay with something so disgusting. She keeps bringing up how uncomfortable she is thinking about intimacy between me and another girl and how I'm too good for something like that. She says she believes that God never makes mistakes and that's making me feel like a mistake. I'm stuck at home and I don't know what to do, I feel so awkward around everyone and I always feel like crying. They don't want us to drift apart but I feel more disconnected from everyone than before

cw: non-accepting parents, homophobia, biphobia

Oh anon, I am so sorry for your pain. What a terrible situation for your parents to put you in. You deserve all the love and acceptance in the world, and it’s so sad your parents aren’t giving that to you right now.

You are not alone in this isolating experience -- there are a lot of others in your shoes right now, stuck living with people who say harmful LGBT-phobic things to them. Here’s a post from someone else in such a situation, that includes links to posts that might help you.

_________

To start by addressing some of your parents’ comments:

If your parents say they don’t want y’all to drift apart...

...and then say things to you that make you feel like a mistake or disgusting...any drifting apart that occurs is 100% on them. They are the ones damaging the relationship by saying such hurtful things! This is a them problem, not a you problem; you’ve done nothing wrong. .

My wife has this same issue with some of her relatives, even after all these years; but she luckily doesn’t live with any of them anymore so it’s easier for her to set boundaries and refuse to engage with them if they pull that nonsense. Her response when she did still live with parents who did this was to tell them she would leave the room any time they said any such things -- that she just would not engage. .

But yeah, you sharing an aspect of yourself is not the problem in the relationship -- it’s their reactions and cruel comments. I know that doesn’t necessarily make it easier to deal with, especially when your stuck at home with them, but do know this: no matter what they say about your sexuality, you are good. You are so beloved by God just as you are, sexuality included.

You are not a mistake.

You were fashioned with deep love and purpose by the very same God who created a cosmos brimming with diversity -- with stars and galaxies of myriad sizes and shapes, with this earth teeming with millions of species of animals and plants and fungi and more.... .

God doesn’t make mistakes, and God made you bi! God made you bi with purpose: maybe that purpose is so that one day you can connect to others in our wonderful lgbt+ community who will be you friends and family; maybe to nurture compassion in you for those who are othered in our world; maybe to bring you expansive insight into what it means to love and to be human.... .

You don’t have to understand just yet why God made you this way. Just know that you are beautiful and beloved just as you are -- and that God wills your flourishing, not this pain your parents are bringing to you. While biphobia is a source of pain, bisexuality is not -- it can and it will one day help you bring good fruit to your life and to others.

You are not disgusting.

In our culture full of media that treats lgbt characters as the butt of a joke or as predatory and perverted, many people absorb the idea that same-sex sexual activities are more disgusting and less appropriate than “hetero” sexual activities. But again, your mom’s feelings of disgust are a her problem, not a you problem. .

Having a disgusted reaction does not alway mean the thing you are reacting to is immoral -- it often means you’ve been taught that it’s immoral or wrong. There have been many studies on disgust and moral judgment -- the assumption if your gut reaction is disgust then the thing is immoral. Scientists are studying this more to see how to combat it better. For me and my own internalized homophobia, normalizing queer relationships helped me -- the more I saw them, the more I was able to peel off the prejudices I’d absorbed that told me to be repulsed and see those relationships as toxic; instead I saw the same kind of healthy love was possible in lgbt relationships as in cishet ones.

Reminding yourself of your own goodness in the face of cruelty is really hard, but vital. I’ve got a #God calls us good tag and an #affirmation tag that you might find encouragement and hope going through.

_________

On top of all that, I can think of several routes you can take here. None are ideal honestly, and there are probably other options I’m not thinking of, but do your best to choose the one that feels safest and most comfortable to you. You know yourself and your situation better than anyone else.

Tell your parents that you’ve thought about it and agree you’re too young or whatnot to know you’re bi, and you’re going to put it aside for now. E.g, retreat back into the closet as best you can. I know how much that fricking sucks. But if it makes your day to day life while you’re stuck in this house a little more livable, it’s a viable option. It’s what my wife went with for a little while -- she let them believe that she and I had officially broken up when...we had not. She did that because otherwise living with them would have been unbearable. If you feel bad about having to lie to return to relative safety, God wills your safety above all else. There are quite a few instances in scripture of people lying to protect themselves or others. If you do this route, here is a post with advice for getting by while closeted while living with non-affirming family. .

Next option is to ask your parents to please try to at least be a little more open than they are. Ask them if they’d be willing to read a book, or even talk to a counselor if you can find one, or reach out to an organization like PFLAG for guidance. You know your own parents better than I can and whether this option sounds at all possible. Do you think they could potentially be open to learning more -- if not completely becoming affirming than at least trying to understand your point of view better? Maybe, maybe not. The big risk with this route is that the answer is no and they become more aggressive against you after you try this route. This book, Building a Bridge: How the Catholic Church and the LGBT Community Can Enter into a Relationship of Respect, Compassion, and Sensitivity, might be a good starting point for your parents -- it’s by a Catholic priest! Some other book options to offer non-affirming Christian parents can be found in this post. .

Another option is to set boundaries with your parents (similar to what my wife currently does with her parents). You can appeal to their own professed desire not to “drift apart” here. Tell them that you are hurt by their response to your sexuality and are not willing to discuss it more with them or be in the room while they say painful things. And then enforce that: if one of them makes a comment about bisexuality being discussing for example, leave the room. Again, context here -- you know your parents better; will they react to you leaving a room like this violently? try to physically restrain you? If so, this is probably not a good route. .

In all of these options, starting to plan for the future where you no longer have to live with your parents is smart. Are you able to save up money, even if only a little bit at a time, that they don’t have access to? Look for schooling options that involve living on a campus, etc.? Even reaching out to relatives or friends you know to be more accepting if you have any to see if any would be willing to let you visit if/whenever your parents are being especially hurtful.

______

One day, you’re going to find an affirming community where you feel safe and welcome, where you can meet other bisexuals and hear their stories. For now, hang in there! Your situation is hard, but it is temporary, and I promise you, God is on your side and loving you through it all.

If anyone else has advice or encouragement for anon, or has feedback on one of the options I offered up (especially if one sounds like a Bad Idea), please do share.

#parents #homphobia #Anonymous #parent tag #biphobia

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boomerang109 · 3 years

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If it isn't impertinent to ask, how did you know you were non-binanry? Have you struggled with family or have they been accepting?

as long as you’re asking respectfully and because you’re actually curious, i’m happy to answer questions about any aspect of my identity. (that’s my way of saying you’re not being impertinent at all and everyone should feel free to drop into my inbox whenever they’d like)

also, warning for a long post cause i’m a wordy bitch who doesn’t know how to add a read more on mobile

so my experience is pretty much directly transposed onto aang in chapter 8 of wwda so if you’re asking about my actual thought process, you can kinda visit there. (and it occurred to me later that suki being aang’s first place of comfort could possibly fall into the ‘cis-savior trope,’ but that wasn’t my intention and simply was a reflection of the friend who most helped me with my gender crisis).

i had always known people used they/them pronouns, but i don’t think it was until i was regularly talking to friends who used those pronouns that my brain really comprehended those were an option. and i kinda was there like damn they’re so lucky they have the coolest pronouns and at some point it occurred to me that being jealous of someone’s pronouns probably wasn’t normal. and it’s definitely weird cause I’ve always personally felt that vibe of not being feminine enough OR masculine enough (not being a girly-girl or a tomboy as a kid), but i know as a kid i identified that ‘feeling like i didn’t fit in’ emotion as a sort of ‘girl power’ thing, like “I can wear dresses AND have swords!” (which i still do both, but now i know any gender can do this) whereas now i see it as being not a girl, but who knows. gender is such a social concept, i’m constantly like 🧐 what’s my gender? idfk. but another thing that did help me figure out my identity was my dysphoria (which not everybody experiences!!). i’d always thought it was an ace thing that i hated my chest, cause i didn’t understand why it was sexualized and whatnot. (but now i bind and just !!!! everytime makes me so happy, even though i rarely can cause my lungs are SHIT) but, i think most people are like connected to their bodies? and i very much just am not. that’s part of why it was so easy for me to ignore my identity cause i can put on clothes i HATE and i’ll only think about it if it’s actively uncomfortable or there’s a mirror. otherwise, i am just not aware of my body. i went most of middle school and high school not looking in the mirror and i used to say ‘what i look like is other people’s problem, not mine’ cause y’all have to look at me, i don’t. but i’m just good at ignoring things in general, from gender to sexuality to neurodivergence, i’m so busy pretending to be what i think everybody wants me to be, that i barely know who i am. also for a long time i felt really bad cause i thought i was lowkey transphobic cause i internally would invalidate non-binary identities (but out loud was always very supportive and would be mentally berating myself for being a fake ally) and uhhh. i know am aware that the only things i was transphobic about were the exact things that apply to me, so uhh. that’s just some internalized shit. also my name irl is technically gender neutral and i think i’m much closer to dressing neutral/masculine now, but people still completely identify me as female which kinda sucks. but also I’ve been performing as female for my fam so it kinda works. idk it’s all weird ngl. but the actual answer to your question was i realized it when i was ‘jealous’ of other people’s pronouns (which actually one of my friends did the same thing where they said like ‘oh you’re so lucky you get to be non-binary’ and the person they said that to had to be like, ‘if you want to be non-binary then that probably means you are’ and my friend was like 👀)

family is an interesting question cause i’m not out to them. but i also have my pronouns (they/them) in my Instagram bio and 4 of my 5 siblings are on Instagram, as well as my dad. i don’t think they’ve noticed yet. i’m very lucky in that i know my family would never kick me out or anything drastic (although i did realize that i have a piece of my bank account mentally stored for ‘if i get kicked out and need to figure shit out by myself’ which was just a strange realization) but right when i was considering coming out to my dad, he decided to make jokes about how weird they/them pronouns were. (he saw i was uncomfortable and reminded me, ‘oh, but you know i always support you’ but, i had really bad experiences with both my parents the first times i came out to them as bi and/or ace (even though they both meant well) so it’s just not something i’m looking to repeat). my mom honestly should have figured it out cause i told her about it one day when i was questioning and then refused to talk about it once i realized i was non-binary (i don’t trust her to keep a secret) but instead she just keeps teasing me for being like my one sister whenever i mention shopping for boys clothes. and since that sister was the one who ignored me for most of her teenage years, i don’t really appreciate the comparison. (also i realized that my entire fucking childhood she always always told me how grateful she was that i was a girl cause she’d always wanted a daughter. and without realizing it i think i internalized that and was like ‘yes i’ll make sure to be a daughter for sure’ even though i don’t think i am one)

and so, that was a very long way of saying, it’ll be a big blow up when i come out to my fam so i’m avoiding it (even though that means getting misgendered allll summer) as long as i can, but i do know it’ll be okay cause my family always means well underneath all the bs

but i have had a really positive time with my friends. it’s hard at university cause people will still call me she/her and i don’t have the courage to correct them, but my two friends both use she/they so they’re obviously good about it. and i got one of my friends at home to tell a bunch of my high school teachers for me cause she was emailing them and mentioned me and i was kinda like ‘hey one less coming out for me’ which was nice. and i told two other friends right before i left and they literally clapped (which i felt like was a very awkward reaction ngl, but it was nice). and one of those two kept accidentally calling me she, but would apologize when i corrected her. also i think that friend might be using she/they pronouns now too, so idk if that’s another example of me transing my friends’ genders (as i did to clara😉) or just the fact that queers find each other

i don’t know if you wanted this much detail, but i’m not really one for being concise lmao. if you were asking just out of curiosity i think i probably fulfilled that, but if you’re questioning or anything (or just curious, that’s cool too), feel free to ask more questions. i cant promise i’ll answer as quickly as i did this (cause i’m about to go pack b/c tmrw we’re going to visit my sister and her baby ☺️ so i’ll be busy prolly) but i’ll answer eventually

i hope this was helpful and/or enjoyable? if anyone actually read all of it ahdhdjsk

#long post #ask a boomerang #grace tag #boom stop using tags as an excuse to stay in bed. it’s time to paack #WHAT THE FUCK THAT JUST POPPED UP AND THATS WHAT IM DOING RN NO FAIR #tumblr how dare you call me out for being predictable #i literally don’t even travel much cause we’re in a literal pandemic yet apparently everytime i do. I procrastinate packing

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goldenchan-fx2thepeacock · 3 years

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Don’t Go Running Off Into Danger, Even If I Do pt 4

Aight bitches, this’ll be the first chapter when the title starts to make sense. Dipper and Mabel are complete idiots and manage to get lost in the Ghost Zone trying to find Danny, who knows the place. Also, Tucker and Sam. I’m contemplating making one of them nonbinary, prolly Tucker. Yup. And Sam may or may not have she/they pronouns. I think that’s all. Enjoy my chaos.

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Chapter 4

Danny did not sleep. Skulker, Ember, Johnny and Kitty decided it would be a great idea to wreck havoc. Ghosts do need order. They said that they only did it because they have no leader. Danny suspected Clockwork was behind it, but he was too tired to string together much of a coherent thought. So, goodbye sleep schedule! He’d sleep in Lancer’s class. What was one more detention?

He greeted Sam and Tucker at the doors. The Pines Twins also showed up. “Danny, did you get a new girlfriend while we were away?” Sam joked. “Shutup. I’m not in the mood,” Danny grumbled. “Oh, it’s cranky pants!” Tucker laughed. They seemed to think his fucked up sleep schedule was a joke. “Don’t blame me, blame Skulker and Johnny,” “Those two usually have Kitty and Ember with them,” Sam said. She had a point. “Yeah, yeah. You know the gyst. Anyways, this is Mason and Mabel,” He gestured to the twins. “They accidentally caught me transforming. Also, we have to make a trip to the Ghost Zone,” “Call me Dipper!” “Once again, I’m not using your stupid nickname,” “Come on Danny, don’t be a dick,” Sam laughed. “Bold of you to assume I can be one,” Danny snorted. Tucker slung his arms over the other two. “Only you get to make trans jokes. And maybe not in earshot of Dash,” They pointed at the quarterback. “Eh. I’m the heir to the Ghost Throne. What can he do?” “You’re the what now?” Sam and Tucker yelled in unison. “Clockwork told me yesterday. Also, they’re immune to Time Outs,” “How is that possible?” Sam was confused. Danny didn’t blame them. “We had a run in with Bill Cipher,” Mabel said confidently. “Sounds boring. Why would the guy with powers be called Bill?” “You’re just salty because you got called InvisoBill,” Tucker comforted him. “I have half a mind to reveal myself to the entire school,” “Bill was extremely dangerous,” “Danger dorito!” Mabel chimed in. “You are not helping me take this seriously. Tucker, get off,” Danny shoved Tucker off. They were elbowing him in the ribs. “Oh come on, you know you like it. Mwah!” Tucker kissed Danny’s cheek. Danny became a tomato. “Hey! Not in front of the entire school!” He was completely gone. He’d been dating Tucker for about a month now. “You guys are dating?” Mabel looked heartbroken. What the fuck? “Uhh, yeah. Tucker’s into guys and I’m bi. But we’d prefer not to announce it to the entire school,” “You know what you should announce to the entire school? That you’re Danny Phantom. Only if you take the crown though,” Sam said. “I’m doing it. Jazz said it would be a good idea,” “We’ll need cover then. Dipper, Mabel, you get to guard the portal!” Sam said way too enthusiastically. “They’re new! They know nothing about it!” Danny protested. “Well, if it’s anything like Great Uncle Ford’s portal, we can handle it,” Mabel said. “That shut down the moment he walked out Mabel,” “My parents’ Ghost Portal has been going strong for two years!” Danny said. “And caused all of the madness in Amity. Never mind half killing you,” Sam said. “That was entirely your fault,” Danny replied. “I concede to that point,” Sam accepted her fate. “Good. Now, are you guys sure you can handle this?” Danny was skeptical. “Yup!” Mason and Mabel said.

Sleeping in Lancer’s class was a one way ticket to detention. But what did that matter? At lunch, he ran up to the stage in the caf and transformed in front of the entire school. “FENTON IS PHANTOM?” “HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!?” “I’VE BEEN CRUSHING ON NERD BOY?” Ah, Paulina. “Anywho, now that you’re all done panicking, yeah, it’s true. Tell whoever the fuck you want. I’m tired of lies and secrets. Also, I’m trans!” He flew off. He had to deal with a ghost. Val caught up with him before long. “Are you a complete idiot?!” “Yup. But hey, who gives a fuck. Wes might get a kick out of it,” “You’re going to get yourself killed!” “Been there done that Val,” “Why?!” “Turns out I’m the heir to the Ghost Throne. Who the fuck is gonna mess with the all powerful Ghost King?” “You aren’t yet!” “I will be by the time school is over. Clockwork told me he’d help me out if I needed it,” The GAV came up under him. “DANIEL FENTON! GET DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!” His mom yelled. “Nah, I’m good. You know, I’m surprised you didn’t notice your own son DIED,” “Danny, don’t be like that,” “Don’t be like what Dad? Don’t be dead? Don’t protect Amity from ghosts? Oh! I’ll do you one better, don’t panic when you scream that you’ll rip me apart molecule by molecule? Now if you don’t mind, I didn’t sleep last night and the Box Ghost is back,” He rushed into the fight before they could see the tears. “Danny!” He heard his mother howl in anguish. “Hey bub. Fought you yesterday. I’m seriously not in the mood for a fight, so get in the fucking thermos!” He held out the thermos. “BEWARE!” “SHUT UP!” He yelled and became invisible. “Danny, we know you’re there,” Mom said. “SO?! You know, I kinda hoped you would notice, but only Wes was smart enough to notice. I spent two years hiding. Now, I’ve got a Crown of Fire I need to take,” He sped off. There wasn’t gonna be more hiding. “Wait, like Pariah Dark? Danny, that will corrupt your mind!” “Like being a half ghost has done? Oh, and just FYI, Vlad is half ghost too. Remember Plasmius? Vlad. Have fun!” He sped off for real this time. “Vladdie’s a ghost?” Dad looked baffled. Danny sped past the school and grabbed the group. “Was that really the best way to go about that?” Sam said. “You’re going to be all over the news!” Tucker screamed. “Meh. I was already. At least I’m not public enemy one anymore!” He dropped the Twins and sped into the portal. Sam and Tucker had put on the Fenton Phones already. “Wes is having a field day,” Sam panted. “Figured he would. Let’s go in,” They walked into Pariah’s Keep.“CLOCKWORK!” “Ah, I see you made the desicion to come,” “Yup. Does there need to be a ceremony or something? Cause I just announced my identity to the entire school,” “Like a fucking dumbass,” Tucker muttered. “Bold of you to assume I could be anything but,” “Sorry Tuck, Danny’s right,” “Yay! I can be right for once! Take that Jazz!” “About your dumbassery,” Tucker groaned. “Semantics. Let’s do this,” “You just need to place the crown atop your head, then place the ring on your hand. Right hand, ring finger,” “Does it have to be just like that?” “Bad things happen if you do it any other way,” “Okay,” He sighed and did as told. He shivered as the crown became ice and a black billowing cape came off his shoulders. “Weird,” “Dude, you’re the Ghost King!” Tucker screamed. “Ahh! Advanced hearing! Where’d that come from?” Danny covered his ears. “When you become king, all of your existing abilities become amplified and you gain new ones,” “Oh yay. More powers to master,” “Okay, this is great and all, but what does he do now?” Sam said. “My ears,” Danny cried. “Sorry,” She whispered. “Your eyesight will also be advanced. You won’t notice it much here, but in the human world, it will become obvious,” “And painful to adjust to,” Danny muttered. “Brrr. Danny, it’s freezing,” Tucker shivered. “If I was bad at controlling that before, you think I can now?” “Sorry dude. Let’s head back,” “I need to tell the people my first rule real quick,” “What’s that?” “Don’t wreak havoc in the human world. They can still go, but don’t do anything that endangers the humans,” “Huh. Good plan,” Sam shivered. “You sure you can’t control that?” “I’m doing what I normally do to fix it times 10!” “So it could be colder?” Tucker shivered. “Go home and get jackets,” Danny sighed. He pointed and a portal opened. “The fuck?!” “Congrats dude, you can make portals!” Tucker clapped. “At least we won’t have to use the Fenton one anymore,” Sam shivered into her shirt. Danny concentrated and made portals directly into their houses. He grinned.

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Dipper and Mabel heard footsteps coming into the basement and had no place to hide, so they jumped into the portal. The place was terrifying. “Mabel, this is freaky,” Dipper shivered. It was oddly cold. “You think Grunkle Ford felt this way when he travelled through dimensions?” “Not that he told me,” They both shivered. A strange vehicle came rushing past. “Was it always this cold in here Mads?” Jack Fenton said. “Not that I remember,” She shivered. The temperature fluctuated randomly. “He’s in here somewhere!” Jack exclaimed and sped off. “That’s Danny’s parents! We gotta find him!” They followed the strange machine.

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Sam and Tucker took five minutes to get jackets. He’d managed to grab Jazz in the mean time. “Hoodie. I’m not wearing the stupid jumpsuit with this cape,” “Since when do you have a fashion sense?” Sam laughed. “Since never. I just like the hoodie more,” He pulled the hood up. The temperature went up. “Hey! That’s neat,” It went down again. “Heh,” “Don’t get excited until you figure this out better,” Tucker groaned. “Deal,” He laughed nervously. “Okay, how do I get them all to come here? I’m not the greatest at this,” “Just yell announcement. That usually makes them teleport directly here,” Clockwork said. Danny obliged. His voice was really loud. “I guess that’s another one to add to the list,” He chuckled. All the ghosts in the Zone teleported to his feet. They grumbled. “Uh, hi guys. I’m not very good at this royalty thing, so I’m only gonna really give you one new rule. I’ll get rid of all the stupid rules later. Just, uh, don’t wreak havoc in the human world. Don’t endanger humans. Like, you can still go, but avoid being dangerous,” “King Phantom, are you sure that’s the best plan? You are going to enforce rules that protect us from the humans too, aren’t you?” Dora’s voice rang through. “Oh shit. The whole guys in white incident a while back. Yeah, I’ll come up with something,” He rubbed his temples. “Also, can I get some help learning how to make it less freezing all the time?” “Of course Great One. The people of the Far Frozen would love to help,” Frostbite said. “Thanks Frostbite?” He grinned. At least until he saw the Spectre Speeder pull up. Fuck. “Look at all these ghosts! I’ve gotta catch a few!” His dad yelled. The ghosts looked terrified. “Hey! You aren’t going to do that! HOW DARE YOU?!” Danny sped down to the Speeder. “Danny, I can’t believe you aren’t trying to capture these ghosts for science!” Jack said. The world became very, very cold. “These are sentient people that you just decided to barge in on! You’re always like this! And it’s my job to protect them just as much as I protected you! GET OUT OF THE ZONE NOW!” He screamed. “Danny, calm down. We just want to help you,” “No you don’t. I won’t let you endanger ghosts for ‘science’. It’s cruel and wrong. Would you do that to a human?” “Of course not. But ghosts aren’t sentient. Their emotions aren’t real. Just displays put on to convince you that they have them,” “HOW. DARE. YOU! You have no right to barge in here and threaten these people. Some of them may have harmed you, but the way you act like they’re nothing, like they aren’t standing here right now, is horrible. This is Frostbite,” He grabbed Frostbite. “ He leads a stable society in the Far Frozen. He’s never left the Ghost Zone and never once harmed me. You know what the first thing he did when he met me? He gave me a hug. And you would torture him just for being a ghost. You think you know everything, but you know NOTHING! LEAVE NOW!” “Danny, is this really how you feel?” Maddie looked sad. “Get. Out. I’m destroying the portal on your way out. If I EVER find you back here, I will not hesitate to cause harm,” “The crown’s already begun to corrupt you!” Jack protested. “No, my views haven’t changed. You hurt ghosts. You hurt me! I’m trying my hardest all the time all you care about is your beliefs,” “They’re true!” “No, most of them aren’t. You don’t even bother talking to a ghost. Ghost have feelings, feel pain, have a society. Maybe it’s different than what you’re used to, but that doesn’t invalidate it,” Danny sighed again. “Just leave,” He turned around and flew back up to the chunk of land. “Danny...” “DIDN’T HEAR ME?! LEAVE!” He whipped around and yelled.

Sam, Tucker and Jazz followed him into the castle. He stared at Pariah’s sarcophagus. “Danny, I know that was difficult, but you were right to do it,” Jazz put her hands on his shoulders. He must’ve been freezing. “They really don’t listen. I have no clue what I’m doing, but I do know that the ghosts have a right to my protection,” He heard screaming. “You know what’s weird? If I close my eyes tight enough, I can see all over the Zone. And I think the Twins got lost in here,” “Let’s go get them,”

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The Fentons came rushing past again. They didn’t seem to have Danny though. “I can’t believe he’s protecting ghosts!” Maddie sobbed. “He’s gonna destroy our life’s work!” “I know,” All of a sudden, Danny appeared before them. “Hey guys. Get lost?” He smiled. The crown floating above his head serving as a daunting reminder. “Yeah, we were trying to find you to warn you about your parents,” “I dealt with them,” The temperature fluctuated again. “Sorry, my hands are cold. But you need to get home,” He opened a portal and they flew threw it. He teleported away.

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He went down to the basement and destroyed the portal. His parents looked mortified. “Finally. I won’t be constantly reminded how I died,” He sighed. Maddie and Jack said nothing. “Humph,” He teleported away and made a portal back to the Zone.

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Aight. That do be a chapter bitches. I’ll make a tag for it now. Just the acrynom, but meh.

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werelesbian · 3 years

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Lesbian has been a word that has been negatively used since I was a child. When I was a little kid I was told “You can’t be gay or marry outside of your own race” by my father. I must’ve bottled that up for years. I’ve always looked at girls since I was a kid. I remember one of my earliest memories being from when I was about 7 and thinking a lady with a green shirt was really pretty. I also always remember staring at boobs and butts, A LOT. I always had an interest in girls, I just didn’t realize it.

When sexuality became to become known, one of my friends came out as bisexual and I flipped out. Being gay was always seen as bad to my family and thus I had to follow it. When “I Kissed a Girl”, “She Keeps Me Warm” and “Same Love” were on the radio, I became very anxious and changed the pronouns to prove I wasn’t gay. I couldn’t be gay right? Even though I have looked at girls before and I remember staring at my friend’s brother’s ceiling with a picture of a woman in a bikini.and being mesmerized by it.

As I got older, the concept of being gay became normalized to me. I came out as pansexual because that’s what I thought I was at the time. I maybe had one “crush” on a boy, but more numerous ones on girls. My friend, a camp counselor, and my mom’s friend’s daughter.

High school finally rolled around and I went through my first stage of questioning. I cycled through labels until I came to bisexual. That’s what I believed to be best. Then the crushes on girls flooded in. The first crush I recognized I had on a girl was my friend’s ex girlfriend. I wanted her! But when my friend asked her out I was crushed. “Oh well I thought, I’ll have to live with it”. I tried to third wheel in their relationship, probably due to lingering feelings. Then I developed a crush on another girl, a good friend of mine. I asked her out to TOLO, but she said no and I cried. Straight girls cry when they get rejected by girls right? I almost asked a guy friend of mine as a rebound but then decided against it.

Later on since both of my friends were dating, I decided that I should to. I chose a guy who I thought was ‘cute’ and we went out a few times. He even asked me to homecoming the next year where he kissed me. I felt nothing by it and very awkward. Him and I went out again a few more times but I didn’t really feel much for him. I liked the kissing somewhat but that was about it. I think I was more excited by feeling rebellious. My friends pushed the label of ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ onto us, but it was awkward. But I still went along with it.

At the beginning of sophmore year, I had to attend eating disorder treatment and I was drawn to another girl there. She was so cool and I wanted to be close to her and spend time with her. Too bad nothing ever came of it. That same year however, I also developed a crush on another girl in my French class. When she walked in, it was like time slowed down, I was SO attracted to her. We even sat next to each other in class and boy, did she make me nervous. I felt things that were different than even being with that guy I was with. Even seeing her years later, my eyes still were drawn to her like a damn magnet. She was gorgeous.

In junior year, my friends began to have sex and lose their virginities. I felt left behind and wanted to fit in. There was always a craving for it, especially since I always felt ‘different’ and left out, even since I was a kid. I was bullied too and with a sweet blend of my low self esteem and depression, I followed trends. This was just another one of them. I made a ‘pact’ with myself that year to get a boyfriend for the sole purpose to lose my virginity and I did. I also developed a weird obsession with two guys that year. I dressed up and daydreamed scenarios in my head of them liking me. I wanted them to want me, but I’m not sure if I wanted them. But I also did end up achieving my goal that year. I got the boyfriend and lost my virginity. I did what I had to do. Even though it was awkward and I felt numb after it. It resulted in me having 2 months of extreme anxiety due to a fear of being pregnant.

In the relationship, I didn’t feel much, or not at all for the guy. I leaned on him for support due to my dysfunctional family. It was an escape. I eventually broke it off with him and got over the relationship within a week. This started a cycle of waiting for the next boyfriend to come around. The next one eventually did. He was nice and cared for me. He pursued me first and I went with it. I’m glad I didn’t have to have sex with him. It was the easiest relationship I was in because we were more like friends and less like lovers. Then we broke up and I got over him within a week. Rinse and repeat.

The last boyfriend I dated for nine months and I believed at one point I loved him. He cared for me and had a nice family I could escape to, when mine was falling apart at the seams. I craved the ‘nuclear family’ unit since I never had in the start. I felt accepted and safe there when I didn’t want to go home to mine. His companionship was nice and all, but I know deep down I didn’t care for him the way he cared for me. He loved me, but I didn’t love him. He wanted to escalate the relationship to the next level and an alarm bell went off in my head. It was a major “NO” to be but I tried to ignore it and said “maybe” to him. I often went along for the ride and never followed what I wanted. We eventually broke up after we were drifting apart. I began to crave sex less and began to hate doing anything with his penis. I tried my best to avoid having penetration and was relieved when we didn’t have to do it. I was so scared of getting pregnant, but deep down it may have been my body telling me that it wasn’t right. I was also relieved when I didn’t have to see him as much. I wanted to be away from him and felt relief when I broke up with him. It took me about a week to get over him.

The cycle almost began again when another guy pursued me but I wasn’t into it. He wanted to go out with me again and I panicked. I didn’t want to see him. All this time when I was dating boys, my sexuality was really repressed but it surfaced in cracks. I’d often create characters who were LGBT+ and the ones I was most obsessed with were often bisexual or lesbian. Most characters I created were never straight, but I turned them so because of my own internalized homophobia. I dealt with it a lot for two years and even showed discontentment with others who were openly queer. I think it was because I myself deep down knew I was like them but was afraid to be ‘different’ due to backlash. I had crafted and dressed myself in a way to be palatable to the opposite sex. I had this deep craving to ‘fit in’, so much so that I neglected my own sexuality and in a way a part of myself.

This year, I met another girl who I fell for. I began to crush hard on her and fell head over heels for her. She made me feel good about myself for once in my life. She was beautiful, kind, smart and had a wicked sense of humor. She was like a dream to me. She was my catalyst. I wanted to kiss her and hold her close. We fell asleep on the phone with each other every night and spend hours talking to each other. It was like two peas in a pod we clicked so well. I also craved her touch, her body, her skin against mine, what her lips felt like. I took notice of the little things in her from the curve of her jaw to the color of her eyes. I wrote her letters and picked flowers that I wanted her to see. I wanted to talk to her all the time.

Although our relationship was short, I will forever thank her for lighting the fire again of my sexuality. When I began talking to her, I began to take notice of girls so much more. My gaze averted from that I had learned to that of what I wanted. Pretty girls made me so nervous and I felt like my damn 14 year old self again. It was like being a kid in a candy store, I was so damn happy! I even bought pride merchandise for the first time in forever. I was okay with being gay. However, I should have never brought it up with any of my family. They said that they’d like me to end up with a boy, asked if I have talked to any boys yet, said I haven’t found the right guy, I’m just x sexuality, etc.

Now I’m scared once again and want to go back into the closet. I’m keeping this close to me. It’s my dirty little secret I guess. Questioning doesn’t help either. I doubt myself all the time and ‘test’ myself to see if I am attracted to men. I feel as if I have to ‘double-check’ to see if I am truly gay. It’s the damn doubt all over again. I also punish myself if I look at girls in a sexual way. Girls in the past thought I had touched them and I felt like a dirty pervert, hell my friend even thinks so. It’s hard for me to allow myself to like women again. I don’t want to be seen as a predator or trying to use them as an experiment. I just want a girl to love and give my all to. I want to be the best damn person I can be for my future girlfriend/wife and I’ll be damned if I can’t do that.

All of this questioning process is so confusing. Am I a lesbian? Am I bi? Maybe I’m just a straight girl in denial doing this because I’m lonely. Fuck who knows. I just know that after being with a woman, I sure as hell don’t want to go back. My attraction to men has regressed. Maybe I’m in a bi-cycle, or maybe it’s my lesbian awakening. Only time will tell. Most queer women I have talked to agree that I am a lesbian. When I call myself gay or lesbian. It makes me feel good, but I feel as if I have to resort to bisexual just in case “Mr. Right” comes along. But he probably never will. In fact, he probably never existed.

I’ve had elaborate fantasies about romance but I never saw a clear face of who the “man” was supposed to be. When I fantasize about sex, I was never there unless it was with another woman, never a man. Another woman always took that place and I’d view it from third person, like watching porn. Women light a fire in me that men do not. I’ve gotten turned on by their bodies and touch in a way that I haven’t with guys. Hell if I know why, but I do. Maybe I really am just gay and that’s okay. Maybe I am a lesbian after all. The word isn’t so “dirty” anymore.

Reading back over this reflection from how I feel about my sexuality back in august, it still really rings true to how I feel. I know I experienced attraction to men in the past, but now I feel more attracted to women more than anything. I hate how my brain tries to make me think that this will all be temporary and I will go back to a straight lifestyle eventually, but deep down I know this is what I want. Not going to lie, I don’t like talking about sexuality with anyone irl other than some of my own friends who also experienced the same thing. I tend to keep things under lock and key because I don’t want people to know about my bisexuality. I can’t change who I am yet I continue to try and disprove that I am attracted to women and try to prove that I am more attracted to men despite not really feeling that way anymore. My sexuality isn’t “fluid”, but my preferences have changed. I just wanna be with a woman possibly in the long run and if I never experience any attraction to a man again, nothing is lost for me. I tend not really to go out of my way to interact with men other than friendships just because it’s not something that I necessarily care for. I just gravitate towards spending time with other women and idk why. I know that’s not indicative of my sexuality or anything. Nothing is indicative of it other than who’ve I’ve been attracted to which is women and men. I hate being bisexual too if I’m going to be honest. There’s no basis for my attraction and experiences vary so wildly that I can’t always relate to anyone but go off what I feel.

Maybe some of the way I act is performative because I wanna escape the idea of being with a man. Maybe if I find the “perfect man”, I can learn to be with him and spend my life with him indefinitely. But that relationship with a man just seems so...unsatisfying. I just can’t do it. With women though, I think I can be with one in the long run. I have my own fears of actually not liking it or that I’m gonna react in a similar way to when I was with men in that something felt off all the time, but I’m unsure if that will happen. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to fall in love with a woman or want to spend my life with one. This all sounds very contradictory I know but this is me getting out my own thoughts. I honestly don’t think I want to be with men again. Does this make me a febfem? Maybe, but I also know that a woman just sounds right to me.

#lgbt #lgb #lgbtq #q slur #I didn’t know that using queer was a bad word and I don’t like it that much tbh #to me it means nothing #lesbian #gay #bi #bisexual #bi woman #bi women #febfem #febfems

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musicfeedsmysoul12 · 4 years

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Flash Forward: Other bits

Lila

Lila was sitting in a white room dressed in a white shirt and blue jeans. She was eating a meal and looked bored as she did so. Once she was done she looked up.

“If you are finished mask on,” a voice said through the walls.

“You can trust me. I won’t do anything!” Lila replied, sounding charming. “Miss Rossi you do not have permission to leave your room without a mask. Mask on.” Lila stared at the ceiling before a look of utter rage passed over her face, startling the watchers. She grabbed something sitting next to her and put it on, tying it behind her head. It was a half mask, with slits in the front. Putting it on, a click was heard and she growled, the mask showing it also had a voice program as it came out distorted and computerized. “Thank you.”

Waking out of the room when the door opened, Lila carried her plate and utensils, heading to a window in a wall she put them through. Around her others dressed like her were walking around. Only a bare few had masks though.

“Rossi,” one said, walking by.

“Smith.” She responded, heading through the room and out a door, to where a fenced-in outdoor area was. Lila sat on a bench and just watched people before someone walked up to her. It was Chloé, wearing similar clothes but with gloves.

“I thought you were avoiding me,” Lila said.

“I was.” Chloé said simply. “But I have news.”

“Oh? The Justice League realize they made a mistake and are letting me go?” Lila mocked. “Please. You knew your magic had people listening to you and believing you no matter what you said. You willingly used your magic on others and turned out to be working with a magical terrorist since you were fourteen until eighteen. The one time they let you go unmasked here you used your magic to spark a riot.” Chloé snorted. “You deserve to be here like I did.”

“Did?” Lila asked.

“I’m leaving next week. Parole.” Chloé told the girl and Lila snared, the sound menacing in her mask.

“You sided with him just like me! Hell you willingly let him cast magic on you- that’s why you have those damn gloves!” Lila said.

“I know. I was a petty and jealous brat who wanted to be special. I was so mad I would never get the Bee Miraculous back, I was so mad Ladybug didn’t like me. So I foolishly didn’t think of anyone but myself and sides with him.” Chloé told her. “It took me nearly killing my dad just by hugging him to realize what I did. Lila, how do you feel knowing your mother is sick to her stomach when she sees you because of how much magic you used on her?”

“It wasn’t that much.” Lila snapped and Chloe shook her head.

“Your mother can’t be in the same room with you without going into shock.”

“Your mother-“

“Is in jail for insider trading and child abuse,” Chloé said coldly. “And good riddance. But this didn’t about that. This is about me and you.”

“What could you possibly want with me? You hate me.”

“I do. But sadly you’re my only friend here.” Chloé said. “And we’re similar. We both fucked up. Difference is I realized it and am trying. I’m getting out. I’ll never not be able to not wear gloves. My touch with either kill or paralyze anyone. That’s fine- I got offered skin right and skin coloured gloves I’ll be wearing. I get to change my name and appearance and integrate back into society as long as I keep in contact with Canary. That’s great.”

“And you think I can too?” Lila sneered. “I can’t turn off my magic.”

“You can control it you just don’t want to. You’re damn lucky they gave you a mask instead of casting a spell to permanently silence you and you know it.” Chloe told Lila who glared at her in answer. “Lila don’t let the mistakes you made as a teenager affect you now.” Lila didn’t answer as Chloe stood and left her alone in the yard.

Alya

Alia was sitting in a cubicle, working on something. She looked different with her hair in a short bob and wearing a set of business casual clothing. She looked fairly focused as she was typing, only stopping when someone stuck their head into the cubicle.

“Hey, someone’s waiting for you in meeting room B.”

“Thanks,” Alta said, standing up and heading to the room. She looked puzzled as she entered it before a smile crossed her face. “Rose!:

“Alta!” Rose looked older, with her hair longer then it was currently, and her outfit a white sweater and jeans. “It’s good to see you! Sorry about dropping in on you at work…”

“It’s fine. I don’t have any cool stories right now- mostly the normal stuff and that’s pretty easy to write.” Alya told her. “Why are you here?”

“Juleka and I are getting married!” Alya squealed and threw her arms around Rose who laughed and hugged back.

“God! You guys beat the odds! I’m so happy for you!” She pulled away with a smile.

“Thanks! We wanted a reporter covering it- famous model marrying a charity worker so we thought of you!” Alya squealed again and hugged Rose again who laughed. “But uhh…”

“If it’s about Nino it’s fine. It’s been years- we broke up and we can be civil.” Alya said in amusement. Rose winced. Alya frowned at her.

“It’s Marinette.” Alya frowned at Rose.

“Me and Marinette are cool too.”

“You guys stopped being friends so suddenly-“ Rose began but Alya lifted a hand.

“No. We stopped being friends earlier then we thought. Neither of us realized it though until after Lila’s bullshit. It took her telling me to my face she was over Adrien and her realizing I hadn’t talked to her about anything not about the blog for us both to admit we’d stopped being friends. It was new kid friend syndrome. We were buddies but didn’t have a solid enough basis in common interests to remain besties. And that’s fine. It happened.” Alya chuckled. “Didn’t know you were still thinking we had issues.” Rose shrugged but smiled.

“I’m glad you’re okay with that.” Alya chuckled and her smile grew.

“Yeah same.”

Adrien

Adrien was working in his classroom, marking papers.

“Ugh,” he sighed, rolling his eyes. “What is with teenagers.” He finished the last paper and stood up with a sigh. He put the papers into his desk and begun to get ready to leave when the door opened. “Mylene! Hey.” The woman smiled.

“Hey, just wanted to see if you were staying late. How’s your first month?” The woman came in to sit on a desk, still smiling.

“Pretty good. Thanks for vouching for me. Might not have got the job without it.”

“You could have.” Said Mylène in reply. “You’re a good teacher Adrien- much better than our examples.” Adrien laughed a little bitterly.

“Well not hard.” He shook his head. “... ever hear from anyone?”

“Well, you did get the invite right?”

“Yeah Rose and Juleka. I’m happy for them… just not sure if I want to go. Not sure if everyone wants me.” He looked down at his empty hands for a second. “... after everything.”

“You messed up Adrien. But you were a kid. Rose wouldn’t invite you if she didn’t want to give you a chance. If any of them wanted not to see you.”

“I… Mylène what I was like, what I did… it was wrong. It was disgusting. It took me literally being slapped by Ladybug, by Marinette and being sued for me to get it through my head. Not to mention-“

“That’s not your fault Adrien. Don’t blame yourself.” Mylène got off the desk and went to place a hand on his shoulder. “You’re a good man. C’mon- I’ll buy you a drink. Us teachers are all going. They want you to come.”

“... if you’re sure.”

“I am.”

Nathanael

Nathanael was bent over a desk, drawing something with a focused look on his face. He barely paid attention to Marc who walked in, the man laughing quietly.

“Nath, you’re going to hurt your eyes drawing so close and in such bad light.” Marc told him, putting a hand on his shoulder, a wedding ring on his hand.

“I’m fine Marc, promise.” Nathanael smiled at the man, patting his hand. “I think your husband’s-“

“Nathanael, don’t do this.” Marc sighed.

“Do what?”

“Do this ‘I want to wallow’ thing.” Marc shook his head. “Look yeah you were a shitty boyfriend in high school but that was mostly your own issues being bi and all the crap your parents gave you more than anything. And the whole Lila crap- in case you forgot I believed her to until she managed to say one lie I knew was wrong and you snapped out of the magic when I showed you it was wrong.”

“I… I dunno.” Nathanael sighed. “I think I’m just tired.”

“Yeah well no wallowing my friend. C’mon- Marinette called and she wants to see us before Rose and Juleka’s wedding.” Nathanael looked pleased.

“That’s good. Is she still willing to help with talks about our book becoming a movie? I’d rather her or her boy toy being there.”

“She’s going to kill you if you keep calling Tim a boy toy.”

“She grew over six feet tall and she still wears heels. Tim is 5’6”. I will never stop. Jason lets me.”

“Jason likes riling up his girlfriend. She pins him better.”

“... how do you know this?” Nathanael asked his partner in business.

“I’m married to Roy- Jason’s best friend? We talk.”

“... how much can we use for our porn books?”

“Where do you think half the ideas came from?”

Kagami

Kagami was setting up her office, smiling as she put a photo frame down that had her on a podium with an Olympic Gold Medal around her neck.

Pulling back, she looked around the office and smiled.

“Fuck you mom,” she declared. She looked pleased as she set the final piece down, a plague declaring her name.

“Someone sounds happy,” a blonde stuck her head in, grinning. “That exciting to be heading your own company?”

“Of course. I worked hard for this.” Kagami smiled at her. “And stealing Kara Danvers is just a bonus.”

“You’re only saying that because you think it’s funny.” Kara laughed. “Wouldn’t leave you for the wolves after you saved my ass.”

“Anyone else would have done it or well anyone we know.” Kagami told her. Kara gave her that with a shrug. “What’s on the plan for today?”

“Well business wise we have a meeting with Tim Drake-Wayne- he’s currently trying to get permission for some sort of body armour to be made for teens that can be a hoodie or a sweater.”

“It disgusts me we need those. Let me guess the government won’t have it?”

“Not unless he has back up, or if he agrees for the military to have it to for free.”

“That’s disgusting and I’m going to rip them to shreds.”

“Yep. And for pleasure, you’re meeting your girlfriend at that waffle place she likes.” Kagami grinned, looking pleased. “And your other girlfriend is meeting you guys later. She’s busy with helping her youngest brother with something- wanna tell?”

“Damian is proposing to his boyfriend later. And yes you can call in with this info to hangs your bets.” Kara pumped her fist.

“Yes! Clark and Bruce’s families finally join!”

“Dare you to tell them that.”

“I will gladly do so.”

Luka

Luka was busy tuning his gut air when the door opened and Nino stuck his head in. “Yo, Luka- your sister is here.”

“Nice.” Luka grinned as Juleka came in, Nino following. “Jules!”

“Luka!” The two hugged. “Ugh, how’s the recording going?”

“Really well. How’s the wedding planning?”

“Better now that we took Marinette’s advice and hired her friend Bart- he’s amazing at it.” Juleka told her brother. “Rose wants to adopt him I think.”

“Bart? Yeah he has that sort of feel.” Laughed Luka. Juleka shook her head.

“Of course you know him. So… dating anyone?”

“Not really. Sort of dating this one guy Conner but we’re not that serious.” Luka shrugged.

“Aww. Hey how about you Nino?”

“Nah man, I’m flying solo still. Busy with my music and helping Luka out.” Nino told them. “Though I do have a date so… later!”

“... one night stands?” Juleka asked Luka who laughed when Nino was gone.

“Yeah. He’s having fun.”

“To each their own,” Juleka said. “... he’s not-“

“Juleka. He and Alya broke up and I will not let you two hatch a matchmaking scheme at your wedding. It’s about you, no one else.” Luka told him. “As well Nino told me there’s some stuff he doesn’t like talking about with their relationship. And he doesn’t want to get back together.”

“... Alya says-“

“Different people Juleka. Different people and Alya may not be saying everything either.” Luka told his sister. “Aren’t we talking about me?”

“You and your music career making a killing while you also run around with interesting jewelry?”

“Says the one with her fancy rings.” Luka teased. Juleka laughed and smiled. “And the fact she’s a world-famous model now.”

“Yeah we are really killing it aren’t we.” Juleka smiled, then frowned. “... heard about Chloe?”

“Yeah. I think we can trust her though. There are telepaths working there.”

“I know it’s just…” Juleka made a face. “Viperion and Black Claws might need to step in.”

“Maybe. Hopefully not but maybe.” Luka sighed. “... I’m glad you saw through Lila so fast.”

“Got lucky with Rose knowing Ali… he’s coming by the way.”

“King at your wedding. Nice.”

“I know.”

#maribat #miraculous ladybug #ml au #flash forward #ml salt #Lila salt

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6ftslytherin · 3 years

Text

Another fic

Ismelda comes over, but Marie's family is weird.

(Trigger warning for bipobia.)

Marie was on pins and needles. She needed this to go well. Her and Ismelda had been dating since April. Sure. Ismelda had been over once before, but that was as a friend and she didn't have the chance to introduce her to her family. Now things were completely different. Marie would have to introduce them to each other. Unfortunately, her family was being their normal selfs at the moment.

"Guys, are you sure we need a cake?" Marie asked as she watched her parents put together a silver and black three layer cassata cake. "Oh qizi, we're just so excited for you! We didn't think you would have a partner until your mid twenties." her mother Regina said with a small dab of frosting on her cheek. "Marigold, you need to stop being so cute." her father Robert said before kissing the frosting away. "Robbie!" Regina put down the bag of frosting she had been using. She grabbed him and gave him a dip kiss.

"Yeah... Uh... Could you guys... Not be so... Touchy feely while Ismelda is here?" Marie asked as her parents seemed to be posing for a cheesy romance paperback. "What do you mean?" Regina asked while holding Robert's butt. "Ismelda is coming over as my girlfriend for the first time. You guys are used to doing this lovey dovey stuff but we've barely held hands. You're gonna freak her out!" Marie tried to calmly explain. She knew for a fact her and Ismelda had kissed three times, but telling her parents would just get them to want talk about it like school girls.

"I agree. You inherited your swooning powers from me. It's only natural that you would scare the poor girl." Said a handsome blond twenty-something that was reading The Daily Prophet with a cup of tea. Marie set her sight on him next. "And uh... grandpa Ford? I'm not going to ask you to take off the youth illusion, but could you at least not dress like a gigolo?" She asked. "It's not my fault the Italians make a great suit. It's also not my fault I make them look better." He said. Marie scratched at her own hair. "She's going to think we're insane." Marie quietly said. Then she noticed two missing elements.

"Where are Jimmy and Conan? Are they looking for frogs?" She asked. "Probably." Robert said. Marie scratched her hair more. "Why? We are having a guest over and you let them go play in the mud?" She asked. Regina had stopped kneading Robert's dough and walked over to Marie. She put her arms around her in a big hug. "Marie, everything is going to be alright. Flipping out is just going to make you stressed." Marie didn't like to be touched by anyone she wasn't close with. A tight hug from her mom was something that made her feel all warm inside.

Then her dad came over and picked them both up in a bear hug. Not that hard to do since Marie was chronically underweight and her mother was small. He was clearly sniffling. "My baby girl, going out into the world and finding a girlfriend of her own." He said with tears of joy in his eyes. Marie knew what was coming next. She was unable to protect herself from the coming attack. Robert gave Marie a bunch of stubbly kisses on her cheek. "Dad!" She loudly said as she felt her skin becoming irritated. "Could you at least shave before Ismelda gets here?" "I think he looks ruggedly handsome." Regina said.

"Do you need help?" Marie's blood went cold. She looked over to the doorway to see her girlfriend Ismelda. It was easy for Marie's pale skin to show blush. This time she could have been been mistaken for a ripe tomato. She was so embarrassed she didn't notice that her feet were back on the floor. Her legs felt like they had the bones removed. She tried to regain her composer and ignore the urge to chew on her hand.

"I-Is. I-I didn't k-k-know you were h-h-here yet." Marie said, cursing her nervous stutter. "Yeah. They let me in." Ismelda said pointing out the window. Marie was horrified to see her half naked brothers, coated in mud, heading to the outside showers. Marie just about fainted. Why did her brothers have to have such an interest in reptiles? Why did it have to rain last night? Why did her family have to be weirdos?

"Marie!" Marie snapped back to reality. Ismelda was slowly pulling Marie's hand from her mouth. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?" Ismelda asked. "Y-yeah. I'm fine. My family's j-just a bit m-m-much." Marie said. She felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned to see her parents looking worried. "Are you okay? Are you overwhelmed? Do you need to sit down?" Regina asked. Her father was holding a chair. Grandpa Ford was holding a glass of water.

Marie scratched her hair. Even if they were goofy, they cared. "I think she just needs to go to her room. I'll take her." Ismelda said as she lightly pulled Marie to the door. "Yeah. I think some privacy would be good." Marie said as she walked out the door with Ismelda.

They got to Marie's room. Ismelda closed the curtains as Marie flopped face first on her bed. She put a pillow over her head. Marie felt Ismelda rubbing her back. For some reason, Ismelda was one of the few people who's touch made Marie feel relaxed. Ismelda always managed to find just the right spot on her lower back. "You doin okay?" Ismelda asked. "Yeah..." Marie said through the pillow.

Marie turned her head for clearer speech. "I'm sorry for that..." "For what?" "My family. They're just like that." "At least your family cares about you. I don't think I've been hugged in years. At least not when my parents didn't need to look like they cared to other people." Marie remembered when she had gone to Ismelda's house. Her parents hadn't even looked up from what they had been doing when Ismelda introduced them. She had said without hesitation that Maire was her girlfriend. All that was said by her father was, "tell us when your done playing queer."

Marie couldn't believe what he had said, but Ismelda explained that they didn't believe she was bisexual. Her sister had been the one to find out first (read her dairy,) and told their parents. They demanded answers. When confronted about her newfound female attraction, she explained she liked men and women. Her parents assumed she was doing it for attention. Her sister however had started to make fun of her for being a lesbian. For some reason they couldn't understand she liked both. Now she keeps a hidden dairy and a decoy she 'hid.' Her real diary was in the form of puzzle box that turned into a book when solved. She was tired of people reading it.

When Marie told Ismelda both her parents were bi themselves she became very interested in meeting them. Must be nice to know older people with the same identity. Where was Marie going to find a middle aged lesbian? The only gay women she knew were her cousin Sabine and her friends. She couldn't consider them her elders in the non-heteronormative community.

Marie rolled on to her back, Ismelda's hand now resting on her lower abdomen. "I think I've calmed down enough." She said. "Good. Though, your cute when you panic. Not that you are panicking. I didn't mean it like that. But the little things you do." Ismelda said as she played with hem of Marie's shirt. Her face turned a bit pinker. "Like when your face gets all red and your ears do too." Marie thought about the same thing happening to Ismelda. Yeah. It was cute. Ismelda started to use her free hand to play with her hair. Also cute. Ismelda started to move in for a kiss.

The door opened, she froze. "Qizi, the cakes done." Regina said as she poked her head in. "Oh." She said, seeing her flushed daughter on the bed and her also flushed girlfriend who was holding the bottom of her shirt while leaning over her. Regina shut the door faster than she had opened it. "Well... When your done we can cut the cake. Internal condoms and dental dams are under the bathroom counter. Use the water based lube. Should be right next to them." She said on the other side of the door before audibly walking away.

At that point all Marie wanted to do was disappear. Her mother thought they were going to need contraceptives?! She appreciated the offer, but Marie did not need them! She put a pillow over her face and screamed. She heard laughing. "Did she think we're 'getting busy?' Oh my god! And you guys keep that stuff in stock?!" Ismelda said as she laughed so hard she was snorting. "Your family is insane, I love it!" Marie removed the pillow. She couldn't help but laugh as well. "Yeah, I love them too." She reached up and finish the kiss Ismelda had started.

"So what kind of cake?" Ismelda asked. "Cassata." "Any reason for that type?" Ismelda asked as she cupped Marie's face. "I might have said it's your favorite. It's their first time making it, so don't get upset if it's not up to your standard." Marie said. "Maybe I'll try the speciality next time. What would that be?" "That would be either kurabye cookies or shekerbura. My dad learned Azerbaijani cooking to impress my grandparents." "No idea what those are." "Kurabye are jam-" Marie was cut off by Ismelda saying, "Actually, I want it to be a surprise. In fact, I want a full course meal with only the finest cooking. Completely a surprise as well." "No problem, but we should probably get downstairs. Before my parents think we really are 'getting busy." "Can't wait to be formally introduced."

Bonus:

"We weren't doing anything." Marie said as she finished her last bite of cake. "I wasn't doing anything either, that's how you got here." Regina said before sipping her tea. "But we're both cis women. How would we conceive?" Marie said, setting down her fork. "Safe sex should be done regardless of what parts you and your partner have." Regina said. Marie groaned as she started to scratch at her hair.

#hogwarts mystery #hphm #marie lowell #ocs #oc x ismelda #marie x ismelda #fan fic #ismelda murk

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always-against-the-grain · 4 years

Text

thirds

Summary: You invite Negan over for dinner when your parents are out of town. Continuation of party favor

Pairing: AU Negan x reader (female, named Eddie)

Tags: AU Negan, Negan smut, Negan x reader, rough-ish smut

A/N: no proof read. we die like men

“Oh, fuck” you complained to no one, feeling your muscle soreness settling in as you hopped off your fathers SUV.

You had just come back from the gym and were excited to have the house to yourself. Your folks left town for your mother’s work and you had your whole night planned, get a stoned, eat some lasagna your mom pre-made for you, shower, smoke some more, watch some stand-up, and rub one out.

As you walked towards your front door you heard the faint clinking noises, accompanied by soft rock music; noticing Negan’s half open garage, beaming white light escaping onto the gray pavement.

You entered your home and read the note on the counter:

Eddie,

Your dad and I left for my work trip (that free loader). Left some lasagna in the fridge. 375 45 min.

Love you,

mom (and dad)

DONT USE THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. Negan will take a look tomorrow at 9am, so please be up to let him in and get coffee going.

Knowing Negan was going to be in your home soon brought tingles to your insides. Reminiscing on how you fucked you in the bathroom a little over a week ago.Your memories aroused you, but frustrated you as well, remembering how he toyed with you that firework infused night.

You snapped yourself out of it and began setting the oven when the door bell rang.

You walked over an peeked through the side window.

Negan?

You opened the door and without a proper greeting you asked, “Um, weren’t you supposed to come by tomorrow?”

“Well hello to you too” Negan commented on your weak hospitality.

“And yeah, for the sink... I’m just here to let you know you left your headlights on” he informed you, tilting his head to the direction of the driveway.

“You couldn’t call?” You questioned his motives for being at your doorstep.

Not that you wouldn’t fuck him over and over, but you wanted to be the one to initiate that. He wasn’t gonna control the situation this time.

“Your folks got rid of the landline.”

That comment served as a potent reminder that you hadn’t physically lived in that house other than school intermissions, and that you didn’t know that much about Negan regardless of how good friends he and your parents were.

“And I don’t have your number, cause that would be inappropriate” He added with a smirk, knowing you were miles past appropriateness.

“Funny” you commented on his response in a dead-panned tone.

You reached for the keys on their respective hook on the wall and walked out towards the car, Negan followed behind. You unlocked it and reached your arm in to switch the lights off.

You shut the car door, noticing Negan was cutting through the lawn, half way towards his front door.

Having already gotten you slice of Negan you couldn’t resist him. Flashes of what tonight could potentially lead to infiltrated your mind.

Fuck

“Hey!” you called out to him.

Negan stopped in his tracks and turned his head towards you.

“You like lasagna?”

He paused in thought for a moment.

Should he enter your home without your parents? What if a neighbor saw? What would they think?

“Is it your mothers or that frozen shit?”

“It’s a Frankie original”

“Fuck. Alright” he was easily convinced.

Your mom did make a mean lasagna.

You set the prepared lasagna on the counter as you continued to wait for the oven to heat.

“You can take a hit of that if you want” you gestured towards the packed glass pipe and lighter sitting at the edge of the bar countertop.

“This what you always do when your parents aren't around?” He asked, reaching for the pipe.

“Smoke? Or invite not-age-appropriate men over?” You teased.

“Both” he said as he struggled with the lighter.

Spark after spark with no flame.

“I think that ones out. Let me get another” you skipped upstairs to your room.

Negan waited patiently, flipping through his phone. He noticed some leftover oil and grim on his fingers and got up to wash his hands. While you were in ransacking your drawers, your phone rang downstairs.

Negan let the first call go, but when the second call came he peaked over, concerned it was one of your parents needing to get a hold of you.

He was thrown off by the name on the screen.

Myles

“Found one” you said coming down the steps, Negan in the middle of drying his hands.

“Here” you handed it to him feeling the dampness on his fingers.

“Thanks doll. Your phone rang by the way” He let you know as he sat back down on one of the stools.

Negan took a couple hits as you opened up your phone and typing a quick message before setting it down.

Negans curiosity quickly unraveled.

“So whose Myles?” Negan asked, smoke exiting along with his words, “Myles with a Y...”

“Um. He is.. he’s my.. boyfriend” you said awlwardly, knowing how fucked up it sounded.

“If he’s your boyfriend, why the hell did you sleep with me. Twice for that matter” Negan questioned, almost interrogating you

“One, don’t come at me like that,” your defenses riding

“Two, it’s not like I’m doing anything he’s not already doing” you replied, taking a hit.

“Shit really? How do you know?”

“We were on a date one night, it was a normal day” you spoke holding your breathe and smoke in.

“and- and I don’t know, I looked at him, and I just knew.” Your voice becoming clearer as the white clouds left your body.

Woman’s intuition, Negan thought to himself. Reflecting on his own past.

“And his messages proved it so, there’s that” you added.

“Shit I’m sorry doll” Negan empathized, taking the pipe for his turn.

“It’s okay...” you said, a bit of sadness painting over your face.

“...you’ve help me get over it quite a bit” your voice lightening up, trying to keep yourself from getting down.

“Does he know you know?” he asked sparking another hit.

“Nah, not yet.”

“Why haven’t you told him? Hoping to work it out?” Smoke blowing from his lips

“Fuck no!” you laughed

“I didn’t confront him about it cause it was right before summer, he’s abroad, I’m doing an internship here. Would’ve been really stressful dealing with a break up right now.”

“But that a bridge we’ll cross when we get there, in the mean time I’m just gonna dick around” you said nonchalantly as you reached for the pipe once more, intentionally grazing his hand half a second slower.

Your final hit closed the conversation on your relationship.

You set the pipe down, free for Negan to grab if he’d like to continue.

“Okay, what about you? What’s your is deal, what do you do around here?” You guided the conversation towards his occupation, rather than his love life, worried that that information might put you off.

Negan grabbed the pipe.

“I teach” he said before taking a puff.

“You teach? You? A cigarette smoking, beer drinking, motorcycle driving, bachelor?” You busted his balls

“First of all honey, there’s not a wrong way to live a life. And secondly, I know I’m not perfect. Hell, I’m light years from perfect, but I am proud of what I do. I’m a good ass teacher, I make these kids find awe in bi-fucking-ology .”

“Biology? I’m sorry, but this is wild! I didn’t expect you do me a science geek.” You were actually intrigued, “How’d you get into teaching?”

“Well, I did my undergrad degree in biology. And I TA-ed a course and I realized I really liked teaching so after graduation I went ahead and got my Master’s in education.”

“Wait, I thought you coached”? You jumped to the next question

“I do that too. I teach 4 classes, 2 intro bios, 1 ap bio, and one health period. Then coach after school”

”What do you coach?”

“Coach women's basketball in the winter, and help out with baseball in the spring.”

“I’m guessing you like it? You seem very passionate.”

”I love this teaching shit. Plus, I’m someone these kids can talk to, someone who can guide them and be raw-fully honest about anything- I don’t patronize these kids. I get to be the person I needed at their age, it’s a sweet gig” He couldn’t help the smile spreading on his face

This conversation fine tuned your image of Negan. You found yourself lost in the dichotomy of it all. Here he was, shirt covered in black oil stains, smoking weed, cursing, yet vulnerable, gentleness peaking through his macho-ness.

Beep

You walked over to lay the lasagna on the rack. Negan admiring your ass as you bent over. He stared for as long as he could. Blood flowing to his manhood.

“So, we got 45 minutes to kill” you closed the oven and walked around the counter towards him.

Your hands went towards his knee cap, pushing his leg out to fit your stature between his seated figure.

“What can Coach Negan teach me in that time?” you whispered as your lips gravitated towards his.

You wantonly kissed him. Sliding your tongue in his mouth to wrestle with his. His hands firmly cupped your ass, pulling you closer to him.

“There she is.” He applauded, as you tugged on his lower lip.

“I was waiting for your dirty side to come out and play” he said, knotting his fingers through your hair that was in a post-work-out messy bun.

You tried to bring your mouth back to his and you got close, but his firm grip held you back.

“Uh-huh” he said, barely audible.

Negan stuck his tongue out slightly, leaning towards you. Your lips were ready to welcome him, before he sprung back.

“Fucker” You let out a sigh that was between a laugh and utter frustration.

He toward over you, staring at you lustfully.

He had you desperate for more. Negan felt your try to fight against his grasp again.

“You lack patience” He informed you, keeping you away from him.

“And you’re a tease” You immediately shot back at him

He closed his fist further, the taut strands pulling on your scalp, “I’m not a tease. I just know what you can handle.”

“I don’t think you do” You were up for the challenge.

“Oh, honey” He smirked doubtfully.

Butterflies flooded your gut, tingles shot across your upper back. You were nervous, but gave him no indication of that, so he figured he’d teach you lesson, put you in your place.

“Other than the word ‘stop’ is gonna make me stop. Are you okay with that?”

“Yes” You answered attempting to kiss I’m once more.

Negan kept a tight grip of you hair, but allowed you to bring your mouth to his.

He brought his other hand to your clothed center. Pulling his lips away to see your reaction.

Breathily moans began spilling out of you. Your eyes fluttering shut, focusing on his touch.

He stopped his maneuvers, “Look at me”

Once you opened your eyes and locked with his he resumed to pleasure you.

He stood up, hands still wrapped in your hair and on your womanhood. He kept you neck extended, staring into your eyes as you both stumbled toward the living room couch. His eyes told you he was excited to show you what you had not yet experienced.

He gave your final rubs before as you arrived to the L-shaped couch.

You began undressing other other. As each item of clothing disappeared you found new areas to grope each other.

“Oh fuck,” he mumbled as you reached for his heavy member, pumping him slowly.

Negan grabbed the sides of your jaw, giving you a nasty kisses before directing you in a face down position. He placed you on your knees, your rear directed upwards. The feeling the cool air gust over your wet center gave you shivers.

He lightly tapped your clit with his dick. He did that multiple times before sliding it between your folds, lubricating himself with your fluids.

“Ugh Negan... fuck” you mewled

You started to lean back into him, wanting more contact. Negan didn’t appreciate it that. He held your hip tightly with his other hand as he teased you for what felt like hours. He eventually stuck the tip of his cock inside you and sat still.

You knew if you moved he would make you wait longer. You decided to be patient and let him make the call. Admitting to yourself that he took the wheel form you once more.

Once you’re breathing settled, Negan stuck the entire length of his member in one motion, accompanied by a load groan.

“Oh fuck” you yelled as your entrance stretched around him.

Negan brought his hand to the side of your face to hold you down. You felt your check rub harsher against the couch cushion as he built up speed. The sound of his balls slapping against your wet pussy filled the family room.

His thrusts were euphoric and dominating. He was punishing you and wanted you to enjoy it.

In between his plunges you were able to catch a whiff of his cologne with his natural musk sprinkled in. That scent did something primal to you.

Your felt your release was close.

“Ne-, I’m- I’m” you started to inform him.

He began to force himself harder and deeper. You couldn’t keep your position, your pelvis dropped, your leg fell of the edge, squirming and kicking.

“Mmmmm!! Fuck!” Your toes splayed as your climax enveloped you.

You thought Negan would slow down after cumming that hard, but he kept pushing into your prone body at the same pace. Your hand reached back to brace his quad, hoping to diminish his thrusts.

Negan roughly gripped the hand that was trying to stop him and pinned it over your head, his long torso over your back, closing the space between you.

His hips continued to drive into you as he growled in your ear, , “This is what punching above you’re weight class is baby.”

You began moaning, not you’re typical moans though. The sounds escaping you sounded like a porno. If you heard a voice recording of this moment you would swear it was staged

Groans bubbled and escaped Negan as he felt his release building.

He clenched your hair and pulled out of you. You were relieved as you were becoming over sensitive.

He brought his member over your face, holding your head down onto the cushions.

His manhood hovered over you, swiftly pumping himself.

“ughhh” You heard his as his warm milky seed splattered on the side of your face.

He was breathing fast and heavy after his release. He used his member to scoop some of his cum from your cheek and brought it into your mouth.

“Dirty girl” he smiled as welcomed his cock, and sucked tenderly on his bulbous head, extracting all of him.

Afterwards Negan helped you sit up.

He picked up your shirt from the ground and handed it to you to wipe your face.

“Thanks” you said weakly, yet satisfied.

He sat beside you. Hand grazing your thigh, slowly working towards your center, as you rid your face of his seed.

The instant his finger touched you nerve bundle, you jolted away from him, lightly swatting his hand away.

“You okay?” He chuckled, stopping his movements but pulling you back close to him.

“Yeah” you answered “It was just a lot, but it was really good”

“Are you gonna listen to me now? When I say what you can handle and what you can’t?”

“Yeah”

He stared at you, wanted a different answer.

You know that look. It was the ‘yeah’-is-not-an-answer look, given to you by your own coaches.

“Yes” you said clear and respectfully.

“Good” He brought his lips to yours, slipping his tongue through.

Your make out session was interrupted by the oven.

Beep

“Let’s eat” He said.

____________________

After dinner you both hopped in the shower. You had sex again. And he was much slower and gentle in that second round.

Negan sat the edge of your bed, towel around his waist. He looked around your room, while you found something suitable for him to wear.

Half of your room was neat and well put together. The other half looked like an artists went on a bender. The wall and ground were littered with your drawings and ongoing project ideas.

“Here” you handed him unisex navy blue tee and sweats, “Let me know if they fit or not.”

You went back to your dresser to dress yourself in a Nike long sleeve and compression shorts

“How’d that work out?” You asked facing away from him.

“Take a look” He said waiting for you to see what was wrong.

You turned around and didn’t see anything fit too tight or too loose. Then you noticed the sweats were well above his ankles

You burst out laughing “Never thought I’d see you in capris“

“They fit around the waist, that’s what matters” He laughed

You both went back downstairs. Drank beer and played the stand up you had planned on watching. You both sat close to each other, in the very spot you had fucked earlier.

Mid-way Negan interrupted the special, “Hey, when do you head back to school?”

“Two weeks. We’re gonna have a little party. I’m sure my folks will invite you. Why do you ask?”

“Just wondering” he said, but he really was plotting your farewell gift.

#negan x oc #negan x reader #negan #negan smut #Negan's thirst squad

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