#THIS IS PARODY

[realisticjojoxreader]

if requests are open….jotaro getting jealous over some guy flirting with y/n🥺🥺

IGNORE THAT THIS IS OVER TWO YEARS LATE.

jotaro x reader (?), kind of an au i guess. he's part 4 age, 1.3k

"Hi, honey," says a voice, clearly directed at you. When you turn around, you see some guy standing there, shooting you a frankly stunning smile. He's not just some guy… he's Some Guy, and when he winks at you, you feel yourself flush despite everything. You're normally less susceptible to flirting from random strangers but holy shit, this guy is cute as hell. What's a person like you to do? Not react? Ridiculous. Perish the thought. "Come here often?" Oof.

Despite never having seen this man before, and despite the completely generic, awful pickup line he just used on you, you decide the guy is worth your time. He's just too damn hot to let go. If you don't shoot your shot, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life. So what if he's kind of an idiot? Look at that jawline! Those curls!

"Hi," you reply shyly, twirling your hair around your finger. If he's allowed to be ridiculously cliche, then you are, too. It's called equality. "I do, actually."

His eyes light up with delight, for some reason, even though your reply was incredibly boring. You guess that makes sense, considering the guy's opener. He's probably just kind of a boring guy. At least he's gorgeous. "Does that mean you can help me out here? I'm kind of lost."

…Lost? How is he lost? This is a boba place. There are menus on every available surface. Ordering boba is really not all that complicated but hey, it's a foot in the door with this sexy, sexy man, so whatever.

In an extraordinary show of patience, you walk Some Guy through every step of ordering bubble tea. He is very hot but he is not very smart.

When he asks you what your favorite flavor is, you smile shyly and tell him your exact order. With a big dumb grin on his face, he turns to the cashier and orders what you helped him decide on, as well as your favorite, confirming your suspicion that he's buying you a drink. (That basically makes this a date, right? Right.) The cashier, clearly thankful that the two of you are finally done holding up the line, rings it up and shoos you both toward the pickup end of the counter.

Over on the pickup side, you damn near have a heart attack. You don't know how you didn't notice it before, but the employee here—who has apparently been here the whole time—is the most handsome man you've ever seen in your life. He is so beautiful he makes Some Guy look like just some guy. (Wait, wait, he gave a name for the order… Daniel? You think it's Daniel. Let's go with Daniel.)

The employee is just kind of standing around, waiting for the drinks to be made. To fill the silence, Daniel chats mindlessly, standing a little closer to you than is probably warranted, but you don't mind.

Handsome Employee, however, looks at Daniel like Daniel killed his fucking family, all narrowed eyes and furrowed eyebrows. You think that if Handsome Employee looked at you like that, you'd pee your pants, but Daniel doesn't even seem to notice it. Hot, dumb, and ballsy, that Daniel. He's like an anime character.

Daniel, all smiles, wraps his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into a side-hug. While this might have been nice earlier, when he was Some Guy, now he's just some guy and you're not really loving him touching you unprompted. Handsome Employee doesn't seem to be loving it, either, which is interesting. He looks… Well, more than pissed, he looks kind of jealous?

There's no way, though, right? He must be seething over something else.

Blithe as anything, his arm tight around you, Daniel looks at Handsome Employee and teases, "Everything good? Y'got a mighty frown."

Somehow, Handsome Employee's expression sours further. He looks like he's trying to blow Daniel up with his mind. "Kinda handsy," he says, voice like gravel. And what else could it possibly be? He's jealous.

But why? Does he… Oh, God, he likes you, doesn't he? This is the best day of your life!

It makes sense, you think. You look unusually adorable today—Daniel approached you, too, remember—and this is your favorite boba place. You're here, like, all the time. It's not unreasonable to think Handsome Employee noticed you! You definitely notice regulars at your job, so why wouldn't he notice his?

His gaze is pure poison. It makes you giddy. You feel stupid with it. You know you should step away from Daniel, should try to clear up the misunderstanding, should flaunt your availability, but… Well, it's kind of nice to be wanted!

As if reading your mind, Daniel pulls you even closer. "This one doesn't seem to mind," he says, jostling you a little.

You blush. You nod. Handsome Employee looks apoplectic. Instead of commenting, though, another employee arrives, two cups in hand. They hand them over to Handsome Employee and quickly turn away, perhaps sensing the rancid vibes. Voice caustic, Handsome Employee holds up your drink and the monstrosity that Daniel ordered and grits out, "Order up."

Neither of you move to grab the drinks.

Handsome Employee's eye twitches. "Order up," he repeats meaningfully, his knuckles whitening around the cups. "Let go of that freak and get your damn drinks."

Wow. It's kind of a wonder the guy hasn't been fired, with customer service like that. Calling Daniel a freak right to his face! You forgive Handsome Employee, of course, because he's so handsome, but still. It's a little rude.

Daniel smiles wide, opens his mouth, but Handsome Employee cuts him off with, "You're not cute, Devin."

Oh. It's Devin. You were close!

"I'm the cutest," says not-Daniel. He looks self-satisfied and punch-drunk. He looks like today is the best day of his life, though you can't fathom why. He's about to lose you to a lowly boba shop employee! "And you're jealous!"

"If you don't come grab these drinks," growls Handsome Employee, his eyes like fire, "I'm going to throw them."

Upon hearing that, you spring into action, because this is your favorite top and you'd really rather it not get covered in milk tea and that toxic slutch Devin ordered. Wiggling out from under Devin's arm, you zip over to the counter, arms outstretched. You only grab yours, though. Devin's on his own.

Instead of just letting you take your drink, though, Handsome Employee grabs your arm and pulls you towards him with a frankly unwarranted amount of force. His skin is so warm it almost burns. He leans forward, and you can't help but lean in, too.

You feel giddy. What's he going to say to you that he couldn't say in front of Devin?

"Touch my boyfriend again," says Handsome Employee, "and you're going home in a body bag. Now get the fuck out of here." And with that, he lets you go. The sudden release sends you flying backwards. You land heavily on your ass, probably bruising your tailbone.

Looming over you with a smarmy grin is Devin. "Thanks for all your help, you were a peach," he says, and he has the gall to fucking wink at you. "It's hard to get Jotaro riled up, you know? So I appreciate your sacrifice." He grabs his drink from his boyfriend, punctures the lid like a pro, then takes a long pull. "Delish! Alright, babe, I'm outta here, I'll see you at home. Byeeee!" Then he's out the door.

A beat of silence. You feel dizzy. You want to cry. "How long are you going to sit on the floor?" Jotaro asks acerbically, and you just can't take it anymore. You fling your drink at him. As if on instinct, he punches it away from him, and it, of course, explodes in a shower of milk tea and tapioca pearls.

Scrambling over the counter, Jotaro is on you in a flash, grabbing you by your collar like a naughty kitten. He drags you out of the door. "Never come back here!" And with that, he tosses you bodily, and you land with a wet splat in a nearby drainage ditch turned canal with the recent rain.

All that and you didn't even get to drink your boba.

#THIS IS PARODY #yeah i got this ask july of 2021. yes i'm only answering it now. whatever #my epic return from the grave 2 and a half years later #jojo x reader #jjba x reader #jjba #jojo imagines #kujo jotaro #jotaro kujo #jotaro kujo x reader #jojo reader insert #jojo's bizarre adventure #jotaro x reader #jotaro's not going to fuck you beloved<3 #askies #i am punishing the reader for their hubris #shout out to my oc. he sucks!

[lilithsaga]

Finally got around to doing my taxes. Ended up owing quite a bit because of freelance work. 💸

But hey, I doubled my earnings, so that means I can budget more money for content creation, right? 😈

#vtuber #pngtuber #envtuber #youtube #indie vtuber #vtuber uprising #turnip boy commits tax evasion #this is parody #gaming #taxes #tax season #us taxes #meme #how cringe is my graphic design skills? #never made anything like this before

[dilf-in-peril]

Can't believe Adam Page slipped off the ropes once. Maybe he's just too old and washed for wrestling. 😔

#this is parody

[donald-trump-official]

“The average US president has been charged with 1.54 felonies” factoid isn’t true. The average US President has been charged with 0 felonies. Donald trump, who has been charged with 71, is a statistical outlier and should not have been counted

#I’ve seen a couple variations on this post and it’s too good not to do #not mine #trump speaks again #satire #donald trump #parody

[madame-helen]

#meme #memes #shitpost #shitposting #humor #funny #lol #satire #funny memes #funny humor #funny meme #comedy #writing prompt #writing #lotr #lord of the rings #tolkien #irony #joke #parody #wholesome memes

[lestatslestits]

Visual representation of listening to a popular song when you heard the Weird Al version first

#weird al yankovic #weird al #parody #don’t come at me for not knowing these songs i was raised by baptists

[sonichedgeblog]

Man, they're really going all in on this Shadow promotion.

#sonic #sega #sonic x shadow generations #parody

[nickpeppermint]

They didn't waste a second...

#public domain was a mistake #y'all ain't do NOTHING fun with it #Disney #Mickey Mouse #Steamboat Willie #Animation #horror #creepypasta parody #meme #shitpost #screenshot #why is it always quick cashgrab horror ripoff that isn't even scary #do you have any idea how many cool things you can do with this domain #yall had Winnie The freaking Pooh in public domain and there was NOTHING but dumb horror

[metroidprime2-echoes]

plz plz plz can someone post the pic of him directly quoting the threat, it is so funny 2 me but i cant find the pic again. why did he say it out loud "it said i need to die a lot in a car covered in hammers multiple explosion accident. never have i been subject to such hate" bro u sound like wile e coyote

#situation is fucked but god. that is beyond parody

[candicornart]

MLP infection au but they just turn into real horses lmao

#digital art #mlp infection au #mlp infected au #mlp #art #my little pony #pony #digital drawing #parody #humor #au

[sugdenlovesdingle]

Tumblr you are SLEEPING on this band!

A bye bye bye parody from the Stacy's dad guys (Sub-Radio) - bi bi bi

And even Lance Bass approves!

And before people start dragging them for queerbaiting or whatever - the singer is actually bi.

#sub-radio #Music #Parody #Nsync #Bisexual

[wakasagayhime]

this one blew up on twitter so i'll post it here too

#arknights #tomimi #gavial #art #parody of that one meme if youve seen it idk

[awaitingarsooz]

#This is parody #please don't come for her #russell brand #uk politics #cancel culture #Youtube #sooz kempner #wokerati #free speech

[donald-trump-official]

Fun facts of the day!

- State charges cannot be pardoned by the President of the United States. They have to be pardoned by the governor of the state in which the crime was committed

- the governor of Georgia does not have pardon power, that power was stripped in 1943 by the Georgia state legislature

- TV cameras are forbidden in federal court. TV cameras are permitted in state court. It’s already been stated that Donald Trump’s Georgia trial will be televised

- Donald Trump will be booked, processed, fingerprinted, and have his mug shot taken just like any other person who enters the Fulton country jail. They don’t believe in special treatment down there

- the Georgia RICO statue carries a 5 year mandatory minimum sentence which cannot be revoked by a judge

#trump speaks again #satire #donald trump #parody

[madame-helen]

#meme #memes #shitpost #shitposting #humor #funny #lol #satire #funny memes #funny humor #funny meme #video games #war thunder #minecraft #virginia #news #us military #irony #joke #parody

[candycornstudios]

I drew Bridget enjoying an impossible burger, chicken nuggies, and she is also enjoying fries that are salted with TERF tears

This is a redraw of the “estrogen burger” meme, which itself is also a parody of that one pic that some conspiracy nut made

#anime #anime art #digital art #art #transgender #trans rights #trans #lgbt #trans pride #trans flag #bridget #guilty gear strive #guilty gear #arc system works #ArcSys #fighting game art #fighting games #fgc #video games #games #meme #memes #pride memes #parody #Roger #blahaj #shark