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#TO BE CLEAR. I KNOW PEOPLE KNOW THESE THINGS. BUT WE HAVE SOME NEW FOLKS AND IT’S WORTH REPEATING. JUST IN CASE
dawn-the-rithmatist · 2 years
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A little long thing on censorship and boundaries on the internet
Okay prefacing this by saying this post is only written for tumblr and ao3. If you go beyond those I have no knowledge for you unfortunately, but maybe people can chime in in the notes.
Starting off, each person is responsible for controlling their own internet experience. We’re lucky that tumblr does not have an algorithm that forces unexpected things onto your dash (aside from blazed posts and based on your likes, but more on that later). You are in complete control of the content that appears on your dash, based on who you follow. Likewise, on ao3 you’re able to filter searches so you see what you want to see, and no one is making you click on the things you don’t. No one owes you anything with their content, aside from the ability to avoid it if you choose.
Follow up, you are responsible for making your content avoidable for people who don’t want to see it. If you’re writing the kinkiest fic out there, that’s fine. That’s yours to write and share as you wish. But you’re responsible for tagging it so that people who aren’t after that kind of material don’t see it if they want to. That way you get people who are happy to see/read your works, and people aren’t confronted with 50 Shades of Gray when they were really just looking for some PG hand holding.
Basic tags for those who aren’t used to tagging systems are whether it’s NSFW, any particular kinks, and any potential triggers (things like gore, underage, no con, suicide- if there’s an archive warning for it on ao3, it’s probably something you should tag so people can avoid it). Make sure that you spell the thing out without typos or euphemisms or @ny w31Rd $tuff that would lead to it NOT being filtered. (We don’t Unalive here, we kill, and Unalive will show up even when kill has been filtered out.)
What if someone I follow reblogs something that I don’t want to see or find problematic? If it’s something specific you’re trying to avoid, tumblr has tag filtering. You can block tags related to that thing, and it won’t show up on your dash uncensored. In case you ever want to see what’s behind that censor in spite of the tag, you’ll have the option to view it anyway- you won’t miss that the post exists entirely. If it’s something that hasn’t been tagged, it might be a good idea to (kindly!! Respectfully!!) request that the person tag it appropriately. If they refuse, you might want to unfollow them so you don’t have to see it anymore.
I unfollowed someone whose content bothered me, but my mutuals keep reblogging it so I still see it on my dash. You can block them! Then reblogs won’t show up on your dash, no matter how many mutuals reblog it. Blocking someone does nothing to them- try not to see it as something aggressive or offensive. You have the right to control what you see online, and blocking is a way to do that more effectively. You can always unblock them later if you change your mind!
Things from people I don’t follow keep showing up on my dash. This could be a couple of things. If it says “based on your likes!” or “tags you follow”, that’s something you can disable in settings (I can edit this post later with the exact locations) and tumblr won’t show you those anymore. That said, those are still subject to tag filtering, so that’s also a good approach if you don’t want those things to go away completely.
Now that blazed posts are around, there’s a chance you might get something you don’t like through that, but I’m not sure if there’s a way to filter those out. I haven’t seen a blazed post from tags I block yet, so… so far so good? If anyone knows, please chime in!!
Some content shouldn’t exist online, even if it can be blocked/filtered/avoided. This is the most important point on this post. I do think that some things shouldn’t exist online. My mother also thinks some things shouldn’t exist online. However, we don’t agree on what those things are, and we both agree that there are some cases where we would make exceptions to our rules. If we start purging content that we don’t agree with, it’s going to become a question of who is disagreeing with the content. Gotta be honest folks, in that scenario, I’m pretty sure the voices that get listened to will be straight, cis, and white.
TL;DR: Internet freedom disappears when we allow censorship, but we do still need to protect each others’ boundaries when we’re online. The best way to do that is to tag your content (no tag limits on tumblr or ao3, so don’t hold back! Only the first five count for searches on tumblr but the rest can be used for filtering blocked tags), block and filter things you don’t want to interact with, and unfollow or block people who you can’t trust to respect boundaries.
PLEASE reblog this post and add on anything you think is relevant, because this feels more relevant than ever right now <3 thanks friends
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alpaca-clouds · 8 months
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Some historical context for Olrox
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Okay, let me prephase this with one important message: Castlevania Nocturne made me really happy by making the plot all about colonialism, as colonialism and its fallout and how it influences us to this day is a topic that I am very passionate about. We do not talk enough about it. The US does not talk enough about it because it could make white people feel uncomfortable. And here in Germany we do not talk about it, because we act as if this had nothing to do with us at all.
But the show talks about it and I love it.
And I honestly also gotta say that I love that the BI_PoC character have a concrete cultural heritage. Olrox is Aztec, Annette is Yoruba, and Drolta is Egyptian. Other shows: Please take notes!
But let's talk Olrox, because he is so fucking interesting and amazing!
We know about him that he is Aztec and also that he is 250 years old. Or roughly that old by the time he kills Julia. Which would put either his birth or his turning somewhere around 1530.
Now, the fall of the Aztec Empire has a very exact date: August 13th, 1521. But you should keep in mind that this does not mean that on that day the Aztec's are extinct. To this day there is still 1,5 million people speaking Nahuatl, the language of the Aztecs, and preserving some of the Aztec cultural traditions. It was just that on that day the empire construct fell to Cortez and the Spaniad conquistadors and a lot of Aztecs went into exile to flee the genocide that Cortez was bringing upon them.
The question of course is: Was Olrox still human at this time or was he already a vampire? From his dialogue it is clear that he was at least alive and grown enough to remember the fall of the empire and the distruction Cortez and his men brought upon them. But you can bet it was very traumatic.
I also am assuming he was turned by a white man. Because so far my assumption is that vampirism is an old world thing that got brought to the new world through colonialism. (Mostly because in Dracula's court we do not see any new world vampires.)
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Now, the other interesting thing is what he says about his dead lover. The one Julia killed. So, first the "town in Massachusetts" he speaks about is clearly Stockbridge. Which was the town in which many Mohicans have settled during the colonial times, as well as other people from the Iroquois Nations. Now, it should be noted that the Mohicans were not part of the Iroquois alliance and in fact went to war with the Iroquois, but by the time colonialism really geared up there was some cooperation between the Mohicans and Iroquois.
Due to this they were in an alliance with the Oneida (who were part of the Iroquois) by the time of the Revolutionary war. Now, the Revolutionary War created a lot of conflict between the Iroquois nations, because they did not agree which side they should fight on. Of course both sides promised that they could keep their land, but the Mohawk, Onondaga, Cayuga, and Seneca did not trust the colonists and hence sided with the British, while the Oneida and Tuscarora (and through them also the Mohicans) sided with the Colonists.
And the dead lover clearly was among those siding with the colonists. Now, a quick refresher for the non-Americans (and the Americans who slept to history class, which is understandable). The Revolutionary War lasted from April 19, 1775 to September 3, 1783 (which, yes, also means that Julia and Richter probably were in the US during the war the entire time and the "evil" Julia was fighting probably was linked to it). And of course we all know how it ended for the Indigenous people: The colonists won, countless Indigenous folks died on both sides, only to get booted of their land soon after. The Oneida und Mohicans were made to move westwards not soon after the war ended. So, yes, Olrox would have seen that happen.
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Now, an interesting thing in his dialogue was when Erzebet said: "We will create a new world." To which he replies: "I have heard that one before." And she says: "This time we are going to make it to last."
And the big question is to what this is refering. Is it refering to the colonialization or is it refering to the revolutionary war? Or something entirely different. In both cases it would be possible. And yes, the American Revolution definitely were claiming to create a new world. But was it that what he refered to or something else?
Well, never the less: Interesting character. Really good writing.
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the-witchhunter · 11 months
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You know, if Spider Punk gets people interested in punk, good. We all have to start somewhere and Hobie is a damn good representation. If he is what makes a person go “hey, this seems cool, I should check it out.” good. That’s one more person interested in punk and wanting to get into it. 
That being said, if you are new to punk(hi baby punks!) some things to keep in mind
1. Punk philosophy is largely anti-authoritarian. Individual and even punk communities differ on specifics, and some are more political than others, but the core themes tend to be resisting those who would control and oppress us, and supporting and including people in your community
2. Punk fashion SHOULD NOT BE EXPENSIVE. A lot of fashion companies will try and sell you jackets for a couple hundred bucks, but that’s just corporations trying to cash in on a subculture. A big part of Punk and its history is DIY because Punk should be open to everyone and putting that behind a fashion paywall is just not punk. You don’t even need to be dressing punk to BE punk, but thrift your clothes. Make stencils and use spray paint or bleach to give it a pattern. Use old jeans to make patches. Buy your spikes and studs in bulk and go wild. Turn your old t shirt that doesn't fit anymore into a back patch. Go crazy with some safety pins. You can make more with $30 than you can buy from a designer for $300. And skill is not needed, frankly if it looks a little wonky it makes it look more punk
3. Dental floss makes for good thread for sewing on patches. It’s good for thick, stylistic stitches and is both cheap and durable. Don’t know why I made this its own point but it’s one of the most common tricks for punk DIY besides taking paint to scraps of fabric to make a patch. Honestly, if you want to know how to do more, just ask other punks how they made their vests and jackets, they’ll probably be happy enough to tell you
4. Punk philosophy and music is closely related. The communities evolved around the music scene so it is closely linked. Give some punk bands a try if you haven't already. There’s a bunch of subgenres so you’ll probably find something you like. From OG “proto punk” where the sound was still developing into what we call punk, to pop punk, anarco punk, and folk punk. There are people who say you can’t be punk if you don’t listen to the music, and there’s a whole conversation to be had about all that, but it’s just a good idea to try listening to some punk music
5, Nazis fuck off
6. Seriously, nazis fuck off. There’s a whole history behind it and why we associate skinhead punks with neo nazis. Largely we’ve made it clear we don’t want nazis in our community and the street punk music scene that nazi punks became associated with has made strides to separate themselves from that.
7. Be cool and respectful of people regardless of religion, ethnicity, race, sexuality, gender, background, etc. Solidarity with our community is important and all sorts are welcome. Gatekeeping isn’t cool and frankly women and minorities have done a lot for punk as a whole. Respect for everyone
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jackdaw-kraai · 9 months
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I think there’s something rather strange going on with all the folks who insist that the Jedi Order in the PT was right and didn’t forbid love and Anakin should just have followed their teachings when the whole point of the prequels is that they are prequels. They come before the OT, and the OT proves the Jedi wrong. They literally do not make sense if they don’t do that.
Luke, in the original trilogy, gains his ultimate triumph, his ultimate victory, because he loved in defiance of the teachings of the old Order. He quite literally had the ghosts of the past telling him, explicitly and without ambiguity, that he has to put his love for his father aside and kill him, as is the duty of a Jedi. Luke has the weight of millennia of teachings weighing down on his shoulders, telling him they knew and know better than a young, inexperienced man barely out of his teenager years. That he should follow their teachings or be destroyed. That is an immense weight to carry, and many people would and explicitly have given in to it in-universe. What are your feelings and ideals in the face of such immense legacy, after all?
But Luke doesn’t give in.
He doesn’t bend.
He says “I may be young, and I may be new, but I believe to my heart and soul that love matters more than this legacy. Matters more than your teachings.” And he says this to the ghosts of his mentors. That is such a powerful moment and one I can’t believe George Lucas didn’t create deliberately for even a second. This young man, being told he has to kill or die trying for a system that is dead or dying itself, that couldn’t survive itself, and refusing to do so. He is the living refusing to continue the violence of a dead generation. He is the young man refusing the draft into a war the old generation started, saying “peace and love matters more than you being right.” He is the embodiment of breaking the cycle.
And the movies vindicate him.
The main villain vindicates him with his last dying breath.
Darth Vader, dying, says “You were right.” and admits he and his were wrong. The main antagonist, Luke’s nemesis, in the face of his son’s immense, defiant love, gives way and does the impossible: he comes back to the light and dies a Jedi. The very thing the old Order says was impossible.
They were wrong. They have to be. The narrative demands it, the movies don’t make sense without it.
The solution was never to continue the cycle of the old Order, or Luke would have failed there, would have failed when he said “I am a Jedi, like my father before me.” And claimed that defiant, deviant, condemned definition of being a Jedi over the one presented to him by the Grandmaster of the old Order. If the old Order was right, Luke would have to be wrong. Be wrong about love, be wrong about laying down the sword, be wrong about refusing to fight. He would have to be wrong.
But the old Order is dead, explicitly killed by a monster, in some part, of their own making. It’s members only existing as bones in the ground or ghosts speaking from beyond the grave. They did not deserve it, it should not have been inflicted on them, but the narrative is clear on this: “The old way is dead, and was dying for a long time before that. Long live the new.”
Luke is that new. Luke is the breaking of the cycle, the reforging of swords into ploughs, the extended hand. Luke says “I don’t care how much I was hurt, I refuse to hurt you back, and you don’t need to hurt me either.”
“We can end this together and choose love instead.”
And Darth Vader, killer of the Jedi, End of the Order, lays down his arms as well, and reaches back as Anakin, saying “You were right.”
It wasn’t Obi-Wan, Yoda, Mace, Qui-Gon, or even Ahsoka who achieved the ultimate victory in the end, following the tenants of the old Order. It was Luke. Young, inexperienced Luke, who saw that the age of legacy handed to him was only history, that the sword handed to him as his life was only a tool, and that the decrees of the dead were only advice. And he took it all, said “thank you for your experience, but I’ve got it from here,” and laid it all down to instead extend an open hand towards his enemy.
And his victory, his ultimate triumph, his vindication, was that he was proven right when his enemy reached back and became just another person. Just another person, just like him.
The Jedi did not deserve what happened to them, and they did not deserve to die. But the story is clear on this: the Jedi of old were wrong, and the Jedi of new, the Last Jedi, was right. No sword or death will ever end the rule of the sword or end the bloodshed. But love?
Love can ignite the stars.
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tarotwithavi · 6 months
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Messages from the universe
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How to choose a pile?
Close your eyes and take a deep breath and ask the angels to show you the right pile for you and open your eyes. The first pile that catches your attention is the right pile for you.
Masterlist
Paid services
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Pile 1
Get ready for the amazing times that are about to roll in! Clear out any mental roadblocks both in the whimsical realm and the regular human world because there's an abundance coming your way, and guess what? There's plenty for everyone. It's like a big party, and you're invited! Believe it or not, magic is real, but it won't show up unless you're a believer. Magic is everywhere, especially in nature. you're a part of nature, so that makes you magical too. Embrace it! Your dreams are like precious gems. Keep them snug in your heart until you're ready to let them loose. Some might try to rain on your parade, and we don't want that. I'm like your cosmic genie, ready to grant your every wish just give me the word! Oh, and by the way, I drop hints in your dreams, so keep an ear out for my cosmic whispers. we're talking abundance and prosperity knocking on your door. Plus, get ready to meet your divine masculine! I won't spill the deets because, hey, surprises are the best.
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Pile 2
Take a moment to reflect on where you are right now – living the life you once only dreamed of. Embrace the solitude as a chance to be in perfect harmony with everything around you. The greatest treasures often reveal themselves in the quiet moments. Your dreams are not far-fetched; they're grounded in reality. It's time to translate those aspirations into actions. If there's something on your mind, seize the moment and dive into it. Don't overthink; just do it. Sometimes, what you've been neglecting is about to unfold, and it's a hidden blessing. Revealing what's been concealed can bring a sense of liberation. Remember, you're a pure soul. Trust in the innate purity of your heart. Dive deep within, and you'll discover the answers to your lingering questions. Have you ever been told you possess wisdom beyond your years? Now is the perfect moment to tap into that inner wisdom to navigate through the challenges that come your way. Trust yourself—you've got this.
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Pile 3
Alright, as you step into this fresh chapter of your life, it's crucial to find that sweet spot between your emotional and logical sides. Let those emotions flow, but also let reason guide you. Now, about those anger issues – time to put them on a leash. This new phase calls for a more composed and collected version of yourself. Picture this as a rebirth – leaving the old you in the rearview mirror. It's a shedding of the unnecessary, starting with those folks who aren't adding value to your journey anymore. Cut ties where needed. And those old habits? Yeah, give them the boot. They've overstayed their welcome. Excitingly enough, your spark is making a comeback. Life is about to get a splash of passion, and you'll feel alive like never before. Things that were lost in the shuffle are about to resurface. It's like a treasure hunt, and sometimes, people come into our lives like treasure hunters, helping us rediscover things we didn't even know were missing. Embrace this upcoming rediscovery – it's about to get interesting!
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nyaskitten · 4 months
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EDIT: THIS POST IS INACCURATE !!!
I made the assumption Olive was editing the wiki articles, and while that's a very logical conclusion to reach, it was actually someone who shares the same viewpoints as them!!! Anything including the wiki articles and Olive's involvement is wrong and that's my bad!!!
Alright fellas, I guess we did it. We have reached the tipping point. I'm going to dedicate this post to calling out one specific person, @olivescales3, and their very toxic behavior. This post will be a bit messy, and I do apologize in advance, I'm writing this from the perspective of a Ninjago fan who also thinks beyond just the petty fandom stuff, what they're doing is just not cool.
I will clarify, I do not make this post for petty fandom drama, I make this to better spread awareness on some of the bullshit they're doing, so you can look out for and understand that they're bullshitting. Without further ado, I think we should just get into it.
So, what have they done?
Now, I should say while there is no 100000% concrete link between hyenabro and olivescales, I think based on their talking points (as well and the information I've recieved from friends in the Chima fandom, who have a bunch of prior experience with them,) it's safe to make this assumption!
So, what has olivescales DONE in this case? Simple, they've vandalized the Chima wiki on NUMEROUS occasions, even after several different people have revised their revisions, so as to discredit any conenctions between Dragons Rising and Chima.
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(Green is their edits, red is the ones prior to theirs, I found this while going through their contributions section on their Fandom account, HyenaBro119)
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As seen here, they have (under the username HyenaBro119) edited the pages for Chima AND the Forever Rock (I have two similar screenshots of essentially the same thing, one was from the Forever Rock article, the other was from Chima) and claimed Ninjago's lore to be some alternate universe. To further validate it, they write "Ras' visit to," but Ras NEVER claimed to have VISITED these locations, just that he knows them. They also claim the Forever Rock was destroyed, a blatant lie. Only a small section of rock on the Forever Rock was actually destroyed, not the whole thing.
Now, you're gonna ask "but Raine, how can you 100000% say it's them?" and I will cite common sense. While I cannot directly tie Olive to hyena, I CAN say their wording is SO very similar.
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Both Hyena and Olive call DR "a parallel/alternate universe," and again, claim Forever Rock was destroyed, WHICH IS A FULL ON LIE. They're so adamant to protect "the sanctity of Chima's pre-established, set-in-stone lore" that they can't stop to think maybe, JUST MAYBE, sometimes a story can get new lore which can ALSO be canon!
I'd also love to share this HILARIOUS screenshot of one of their many posts, which not only backs up what I'm saying, but it's like damn they really set themself up huh!
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Gee I wonder why you feel alone! Maybe it's because you are! Maybe it's because you're lying and making shit up to prove yourself right! No one is as big of a hater as you!
The also LOVE saying Ninjago cannot do anything with Chima unless they get express permission from the creator of Chima, some guy named John Derevlany, but oh man what's this I see before me?
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CO-CREATOR? Oh but Olive, I thought he was the CREATOR of Chima, not CO-creator... ALSO Lego owns the rights to Chima, and Ninjago, and every other theme, as said by Doc himself! If anything he wasn't really dodging the question, just giving a vague answer, because he doesn't know much about the old contracts!
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From what he said, it's clear that if they wanted to use anything from the other themes, they'd have to consult folks over at LEGO, not John Derevlany or Tommy A.!
Now here's the THING, I GET where they're coming from, it CAN be annoying to have people only care about a thing you like in relation to something else, but when you're going out of your way to argue that none of it can be canon and it's all an alternate universe it's like... god it's so sad and pathetic really.
Their lies and BS don't even end there with the wiki shit, because I have THIS glorious gem.
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A) They bring up that the Ninjago folk do not know who the Phoenixes are which is like, okay??? Why the fuck are they gonna know about how another universe was created??? That's like if someone told me I don't exist in the same universe as my glasses because I have no clue who made them, that is to say, that's stupid as FUCK to say!
B) OH they say something REAAALLL funny ohohohho I am actually dying. Olive says the Phoenix icon "appeared in a Ninjago episode" and "Ninjago tends to reuse assets." Yep, NINJAGO is the one who reused the phoenix symbol, mhm. The symbol that was made in 2011 for NINJAGO, which cameoed in CHIMA in 2014, was actually just an asset reuse by Ninjago. I feel like this actually goes to show how desparate they are to feel right and validated, because this? This a lie! Ninjago made the symbol, and because Tommy A. is co-creator to both, he wanted to slip in a neat Ninjago reference, so he slipped in the Phoenix symbol Nya uses for the Phoenix tribe, not the other way around!
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Another REALLY funny thing they did, aside from the wiki and Phoenix symbol shit, was this hilarious attempt at being right!
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Yes, the compared the WOLF Masks to BATman's cowl, and did a horribly rough comparison illustration that very much does not make sense. If you actually compared them side by side, the only similarities would be they're both angry animal themed mask with pointy ears, which does NOT go very far in the long run. The foreheads they drew aren't even the same fucking shape lol.
OH ANS WE CANNOT FORGET THIS ONE! Their using a post about the Palestinian genocide and boycotting Lego in order to complain about Ninjago.
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They claim Ninjago is produced by Lego, unlike other Lego shows, which is an EXTREMELY bullshit fucking claim. Just like Chima and Nexo Knights, Ninjago is produced by Lego, it's not JUST Ninjago produced by Lego, they are all Canadian-Danish CGI action shows, and they're all known to have Tommy Andreasen involved in the creation of them.
They're using a post about boycotting for the sake of innocent people DYING to complain about a lego ninja show for... killing evil people? It doesn't glorify war, the worst it does in regards to war is like not address how fucked up it can be in regards to the Serpentine War, but that's like it. I think it's so funny they want to single out Ninjago as if it's the only TV series where villains die for trying to conquer/destroy the world.
So, what do I want the takeaway from this post to be? What do I want you to get from it? I don't really know anymore, I just don't want Olive's horrendously toxic behaviors, and straight up lies to stop. If anything I think it's beautiful that Ninjago is making others interested in revisiting Chima again, stop being such a fucking hater dude. They act like Chima is some holy grail of Lego, the greatest thing since bread, but it, just like Ninjago, Dreamzzz, Hidden Side, and Nexo Knights, have Tommy in creative roles.
To act like Chima is somehow greater than is to place it on an unrealistic pedestal as if it's a godsend, when in reality it was co-created by Tommy Fucking Andreasen.
If you read through all of this, I do THOROUGHLY appreciate it, I didn't mean for this post to descend into an angry ramble but ehhh yk how it is. And Olive, if you see this, please, just stop with the bullshit.
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traegorn · 7 months
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(Not the same anon) I’m really curious in learning more about how Christianity didn’t actually steal from Pagans, and how ‘Pagan’ traditions aren’t actually Pagan, but I’m not sure how to word my question specifically. If you could point me to a resource or two that would tell me about that stuff, I’d love it! (I will be looking up the definition of syncretism as well as checking out the podcast you linked the other anon). Sorry if I worded anything incorrectly or got a concept wrong, I’m very new and wanting to learn. (Also I know I can probably find resources for myself, but I’m not sure where to even begin, which is why I asked you, sorry if I’m being a bother).
So syncretism is when cultural or religious traditions get merged into another religion, usually by customs getting carried over post conversion or colonization.
Like imagine a religion like Christianity comes into an area and mass converts people. And the people say "Oh yeah, we're Christian now -- for sure" but keep doing all of their cultural traditions. What happens over time is that those traditions get recontextualized into the new religion's framework.
It's not Christianity "stealing" them -- it's the cultures that were converted holding onto their traditions in spite of Christianity. The church wasn't deliberately trying to take them -- they just kind of got stuck with them. You get that with a bunch of Yule stuff with Norse and Germanic areas and Christmas.
So that's part of it.
The rest is that a lot of things modern folks claim are "Pagan" just... aren't? Like take the Christmas tree. Like we have clear documentation of its origin going back to German Protestants. Like we know when it started. Yet you'll see countless folks online (and badly written witchcraft books) claiming it's some ancient tradition to decorate a tree in your house. It just... isn't tho?
What you need to do is go to academic sources on these topics, and just kinda take anything in a witchcraft book with a grain of salt.
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fuctacles · 3 months
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sports au!!!!!
The booth was stuffy and smelled like it’s been forgotten for a decade. But the equipment was new and the glass pane was cleaned up, giving Eddie a clear view of the court.
“Is this a good moment to say I don’t know the rules?”
The coach, and his PE professor, looks one step away from murder.
“Just remember our team is wearing green.”
“Yes sir!”
The man squints at him with clear distrust so Eddie gives him his widest, purest smile.
“Good thing nobody’s listening to the campus radio.”
The joke’s on him; Eddie has garnered a lot of listeners over the past months. Listeners that he might lose after hosting a live sports event. 
“Don’t be too weird. I might send you someone to help with the rules so you don’t completely ruin it.” He pats Eddie on the shoulder, his palm so heavy it feels like he’s trying to pin him into the chair, before disappearing behind the door in the back. Seconds later he’s visible walking down the steps to his team.
Eddie looks at his watch. It’s going to be the longest four hours in his academic history. 
He turns to the concsole, frowns at the unfamiliar dials and switches and focuses on the ones he knows. Tunes everything to his best ability, takes a breath, and clears his throat before starting the broadcast.
“Hello, students of Indiana University! I know it’s a Friday night and you were hoping for some nice tunes to party to, but prepare your pillows for a nap instead because you’ll be listening to a football match. No, wait, basketball. I’m pretty sure. 
Anyway, dunno why you’d listen to a match instead of going to see it, but ya boy needs to pass PE this term so here we are. 
And here comes our team! The green ones. It’s greens against blues tonight, folks.”
“Tigers versus Roaches, actually.”
Eddie turns around and sees a tall boy enter his studio.
“First of all, who the fuck names their team Roaches. Second, we have an intruder in the studio.”
The boy extends his hand unfazed.
“I’m Lucas, your interpreter. Since I’m benching for the first half anyway.”
“Booo, I was just going to make up rules as I go. Now you’re gonna make it boring.”
But he shakes his hand anyway and lets Lucas sit on the chair next to him.
“Careful, I’m a dedicated listener. My friends too, you’d probably lose your whole audience.” He smirks. Eddie scoffs.
“I’ll let you know, tiger cub, that many people listen to Munson’s Midnight Metal Madness.”
“I meant the DnD show.”
Eddie looks at the boy, his neat haircut and team jersey.
“Really?”
“Yes, and I’d love to talk more about it later, but now let’s introduce my teammates.”
Eddie hands him the microphone to spit out names he’s never heard before and whatever their bearers' positions were. He hopes the coach doesn’t mind it. All Eddie could do was like, comment on their appearance. Which…
“Where did you get that one from? America’s poster boy catalog?”
He watches Lucas’s face twitch with the effort not to laugh.
“That’s Jason Carver. He’s vice-captain now and will take over the team once Steve graduates later this year.”
“Which one’s that?”
“He usually comes out last.”
Eddie asks about the important stuff - the team's average height and where Andy got his haircut. He looks over the group of young men appraisingly.
“You know what, if I knew y’all play in these funky white socks and guns out I might have gotten into sports commentary earlier.”
Lucas chuckles, but Eddie's on a roll. 
“Especially with such a great co-host, Lucas Sinclair! He’s not on the court yet but he’s being an invaluable source of lore in the studio. Don’t think I’d forget about you, man.” He nudges the younger student. “What’s your specialty on the team?”
“Well…” Lucas scratches his cheek sheepishly. “I’m probably the fastest and my throws are pretty good,” he admits. “Oh, that’s Steve!”
Eddie looks to the right, where a dude with Harrington on his jersey walks in, smiling wide to friends and families watching. 
“Damn, that’s some magnificent hair,” Eddie whistles.
“Yeah, that’s kinda what he’s known for. This hairdo lasts through the whole game, dunno how he does it.”
“He’s gotta give me some tips, because I look like a wet rat by the end of the day. And I don’t even do sports.”
“I’m pretty sure you look like a wet rat no matter the time of day.”
The jab was true but even if it wasn’t, Eddie had a more important thing to focus on right now. 
“Does your captain have a tattoo?” he asks, squinting through the window. He was pretty sure it was ink that was peeking from the bottom of Steve Harrington’s shorts, but it was so out of place on a college athlete, he needed a triple take and the ‘ask the audience’ lifeline to make sure.
“Yep. The coach says it makes him look like a criminal,” he snorts, showing what he thinks about it. “Steve said he regrets not getting it somewhere more visible so more people could see tattoos are not for criminals and rockstars only.”
“Your captain is a smart guy,” Eddie grins, almost sighing into it, to his utter horror. Just a glimpse of a hot guy from afar, a peek of a tattoo, and hearing of his liberal views was apparently enough to make his heart beat faster.
“The best I ever knew,” Lucas admits and it sounds like a Story, capital “s” and all. His next words confirm that. “Our friend group is planning matching tattoos and we are still talking him out of getting it above the neckline.”
Eddie barks out a laugh. 
“Sounds like a savage. I gotta meet your captain sometime soon.”
It’s at this point they notice the coach gesturing at them angrily and they get back to commenting on the game that’s about to start.
“Okay, so explain to me which laundry basket is ours…”
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“Okay okay okay. So number four is a tank, yeah? He blocks the other players. Six is a rogue, who slips between the cracks. And number one, your captain, is a warrior who goes for the attack.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“It’s like LARPing for normies,” Eddie realizes in awe and Lucas laughs so unexpectedly he starts to cough. 
“Sinclair! You’re in!”
They both jump at the sudden appearance of the coach. Lucas springs up from his seat.
“Yes sir!”
“It was a pleasure to host with you.” Eddie smiles at his new friend.
“You too. Catch you after the game?”
“Sure.” He smiles brightly, his head already swimming with ideas of how to fuck over Lucas’ future DnD character. Because playing together was inevitable, the dice were thrown, and the plot was in motion. 
Lucas passes by the coach who now turns his attention to Eddie.
“You’re doing good, don’t ruin it.” He looks in pain admitting that. “I might send someone else to help you out.”
“Thanks, coach.” Though Eddie doubts he’d be vibing so well with anyone else on the team.
Just five minutes later though, he’s proven wrong.
“Heard you’ve been curious about my tattoo?”
Eddie's so startled he knocks the microphone down and yanks out the cord in his haste to turn around. 
“Captain!” he yells like a dumbass, faced with the hair and boyishness of no one else but Steve Harrington. 
“Radio-man!” Steve yells back with a wide and teasing smile. “I’ve heard so much about you, man, you have no idea.” He steps closer. “My kids love your show.”
“Your kids?”
“My, uh, younger friends. I used to babysit them and it kinda stuck,” he admits with an awkward smile. Steve is nothing like the typical jock he’s come to expect and he’s everything Lucas advertised.
“That’s adorable, man.”
“Don’t laugh at me,” he pouts. He honest to god pouts.
“Not laughing!” Eddie raises his hands placatingly. “There’s nothing bad with a family-tight friend group.”
“Damn straight.” Steve smiles and sits on the chair vacated by Lucas. He eyes the microphone lying prone on the desk. “Technical difficulties?”
Eddie rushes to fix his equipment.
“You could say so,” he murmurs, trying to busy himself with the tangled cord. But a hand stops him before he can plug it in.
“We’re off the air now, right?”
Eddie looks over the control lights on the console.
“Yeah. Why?”
“You have beautiful eyes.”
“What?”
When Eddie woke up today, he knew his day would be weird. No day spent in a sports facility could be normal or pleasant. It was confirmed when he made a new friend with a member of the team, who was a listener of his DnD podcast. But the team captain hitting on him? That’s not your regular weird, that’s a bad strain of weed kind of weird.
“Lucas sent me over claiming a guy my type might be hiding here.”
It takes everything from Eddie not to take a look around. Logically, he knows there’s no one else in the booth. But his brain refuses to connect the dots. He licks his lips and cringes at the wet noise his mouth makes.
“What’s your type?”
Steve tilts his head and hums like he’s in thought.
“Weird, smartass nerd, as it turns out. With big brown eyes and great hair.”
“Uh, thank you?”
Steve only smiles at him, soft before it turns teasing.
“Wanna see my tattoo up close?” he offers. 
“Gosh, yes,” he admits with zero shame, eyes flitting down to the man’s legs. Was he curious about what type of tattoo a gorgeous sport-type guy would get? Yes. Did he want to ogle some hairy thighs? Also yes. It’s a two-in-one kind of deal.
The coach waves at them angrily to get back on the air, but Steve promises to tell him everything about S.S. Robin after the game. And no, Robin is just his best friend, Eddie doesn’t need to worry about her.
“In fact, wanna be my date to the after-party later? The kids will freak out when they meet you.”
How could Eddie say no to his fans' worship?
And to Steve’s hopeful eyes and the slight squeeze he gave his hand.
“Mingling with jocks in my free time?” Eddie turns his palm up to squeeze back. “Sure, let’s make this day even weirder.”
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serpentarius · 5 months
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been trying to wrap my head around the cancellation of "Our Flag Means Death" and why it hurts so fucking much. lots of folks who are much more eloquent than I have summed it up perfectly, but I still think it’s important I add my voice to the matter. 
It really, really sucks that the hurt is being compounded on us every time another queer/minority-led show gets prematurely cancelled. and for a long while, we also had to deal with the many shows that deliberately queerbaited us, which was a shitty and traumatic experience unto its own. And even though we’ve largely surpassed that early-‘00s-flavoured brand of queerbait now, mainstream queer media is still predominantly white-led. With the cancellation of OFMD, we've lost one of the very few intersectional queer shows in the mainstream. Shouldn’t we be beyond asking for crumbs at this point? Shouldn’t we get unabashedly intersectional shows helmed by and starring queer, BIPOC, and trans folks without them being axed for no rhyme or reason?
It’s exhausting at this point, honestly. OFMD has done so well in terms of viewership and engagement and fan response—almost entirely due to word of mouth and little thanks to the Max marketing team, mind you—and even still the show got cancelled? Can they make it make sense????
For me, the thing most akin to this OFMD situation was when Sense8 got cancelled. And yes, the fandom fought, and we eventually DID get a movie that wrapped things up years later! That gives me hope for OFMD, that maybe another network will pick it up, or maybe they’ll be able to make a movie someday. But what makes me sad about cases like Sense8 is knowing that the creators still had to force the narrative around the amount of time they were given. That the corporate overlords who only care about numbers and profit dictated how much time they had to wrap up their story.
And it fucking kills me that DJ only wanted one more season. One more season to complete the vision.
I'm just so mad that queer people are constantly being jerked around and used for profit and then left high and dry. And then we're given excuses like "oh there's no budget" or "oh there's not enough viewership, that's all it is". like, sure, maybe those are contributing factors, but then I look at all the useless garbage shows that have little viewership and high budgets that keep going forever and then I think "hmmmm, the math ain't mathing." It's fucking transparent; the corporations can spew all they want with their rainbow capitalism and talks about diversity, but the evidence is clear, and they can't convince me homophobia/racism/transphobia/etc. is not a factor in these decisions.
Anyways, back to OFMD. OFMD made me fall in love with fandom again. I drifted away from fandom for a while in my 20s, and while OFMD wasn't the first fandom that drew me back into the madness, it's certainly the largest. The sheer amount of creativity both within the show and outside of it has blown me away; I've read some of the best fics, seen some of the best art, and witnessed some of the most incredible creativity from people in this fandom.
And let's not forget the role of the show's creators and how they've interacted with us fans. They made us feel seen. And made us feel loved and valid, even when we were being weird and loud and horny. It's so fucking rare to see that. But they understood; understood that the show they made was for us, for any of us who've been marginalized or made to feel Othered or different or stuck in life or unsure of our identities. And they gave us so much love for it.
The story... man. The unique combination of quirky humour and bright visuals and dark, introspective moments, the gorgeous costumes and soft, lovely, unabashed queerness, and veteran actors and new actors all getting to shine, brilliant comedic actors getting to show off their dramatic chops and vice versa. For me, seeing Rhys Darby - an actor I've loved for a long time, but who I never thought I'd see in a leading role - getting to be the romantic lead in a queer role? And seeing acclaimed director/producer/screenwriter/actor Taika Waititi play opposite Rhys, as an indigenous Blackbeard? Fucking incredible. OFMD Edward Teach you will always be famous to me.
Anyways... despite my long ramblings here, I still don’t think I've been able to get to the root of WHY exactly this show has inched its way under my skin and stayed with me in the way it has. Maybe I'll spend years trying to understand it. But I DO know that it's in part to do with seeing both older queers AND a diverse range of queerness onscreen, in a way that I've never seen in media before. I DO know that OFMD has forced me to look inwardly, and allowed me to realize some important things about myself. About my own queerness, my own identity, things I'm still figuring out. I've cherished being able to see myself in Stede, in Ed, and each of the crew members. In Roach’s love for cooking, in Oluwande’s ability to mediate; in Jim’s quick temper, in the way Izzy builds walls to guard his heart. In Buttons’ quirkiness, in Wee John’s sass, in Frenchie’s ability to turn pain into humour; in The Swede’s silliness, in Lucius’ bluntness, in Pete’s soft heart beneath the skepticism. Lastly, OFMD has inspired me. To create, to write, to draw, to devour other peoples' works and worlds while I sit in sheer, overflowing joyousness at their talent.
so yeah. the news of this cancellation is upsetting and hurtful and disappointing. And it's making us cry, and it's making us grieve, and may make us hollow and numb at times because we've lost yet another thing we love so deeply before it was meant to go. It's so much more than "just a TV show". It means more to us than any passive mindless idiotic mind-numbing bullshit - because even though there's a time and a place and a purpose for that type of media, it's the thought-provoking work, the work that creators pour their entire hearts and souls into, that hit us deep in our own souls. The work that changes our lives. The work that has the ability to save lives, as I know OFMD has done for so many. 
please know I'm sending immense amounts of love and strength to those of you who are also hurting. we'll get through this, one way or another, and I'll keep up with the hope that we'll get more someday; but in the meantime, I'm holding you tight. ❤️️🫂
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lazyneonrabbitt · 6 months
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Shared interest [Pt.2]
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Daryl Dixon x Grimes!reader | SMUT 🔞 [Pt.1] [Pt.3]
After the disagreement with your father you move into Daryl's cabin and become an official member of his pack.
🐺 🐺 🐺
“M’takin’ ya home t’ma cabin.”
Daryl was at your side with his hands on your shoulders. It was clear your dad wasn't gonna change his mind anytime soon so to avoid any further fighting he was gonna keep the two of you apart for a while.
A while turned into almost two years now.
Daryl loved parading you around like the most precious thing in the world and you became friends with most of his. You met a bunch of other werewolves over time including some girls and older women that taught you everything you needed to know to keep your lover happy, and made sure to share contact info so you’d have someone to talk to besides Daryl.
Daryl’s pack was officially your family now that you were marked and a party was happening in order. The girls had talked to you about the whole marking thing and the other stuff around it too, comparing it to human marriage, starting a family and all that. It was clear Daryl’s fiends weren’t at all people who spent a lot of time around other folk, all living on the edge of towns and cities and all knowing different trades to help each other out. Humans weren’t their forte.
So here you were, in a cut off top that covered just your chest but had your rounded belly on display for the pack to gawk at, and a pair of sweat shorts that the moms had brought you when the news of your pregnancy got out, which came quickly after you and Daryl had mated as part of the bonding ceremony. It wasn’t long before the ladies were swarmed around you, asking all kinds of questions and begging for the story of your mating might. “I.. We uh-“ You stuttered around the topic, hoping you didn’t really have to share it but right then Daryl swung by and draped an arm around you. He was clearly tipsy and his breath smelled of the moonshine that was brought in by one of the pack members. “Lil’ bunny here’s a lil’ too embarrassed. Lemme share for ‘er.” He rubbed his cheek against yours and held you close yo him as he started.
“Come on, Dee,” you called out from the back of the cabin. “The moon’s out, I wanna play.”
You were wearing a patterned sundress that flowed as you turned around when he came up to you. Sweats and an old rock band shirt on, bare feet padding through the sand up to where you were standing in the moonlight. He had a loving smile on his face, knowing what tonight meant for the two of you and even without any fancy dresses or party beforehand he thought it was perfect.
You stepped up to him and pressed your chest against his as you stood on your tiptoes. “You gonna turn for me, puppy?” You bit your lip and stared up at him through your lashes, earning a satisfied growl and a nod in return.
“Use your words, you can do it.” He continued his nod and spoke up this time. “Gonna turn for ya, princess.”
You pulled at the hem of his shirt so he’d take it off as you caught his breathing getting heavier due to the change kicking in. As soon as it was off you were grabbing at him, kissing and biting at his neck as he let out breathy growls right beside your ear. You let out a soft moan as you felt his muscles tense underneath your touch. Your hand rubbed at his spine as he lowered himself to his knees, hunching over your shoulders as you rubbed soothing circles onto his skin.
Your hands moved to pull the hem of his sweats down as one hand went to rub at his spine. “I wanna see your tail wag, baby. Get it out for me?” Underneath your fingertips his tail was forming and your other hand went to rub at his cock, earning a gasp and a twitch all throughout his spine as his tail came through, quickly furring over.
“Such a good boy for me.” You teased as you watched his tail sway from side to side and pushed at his chest, easily getting him onto his back as you continued jerking him off through his transformation. You bent over his body, returning to your previous actions at his neck and jawline, now covered in fur as his face morphed into a muzzle and his ears pointed out, you whispered right next to them. “You’re gonna bite me again when you cum inside of me later.” His panting got deeper as he growled in warning, signaling he was close. You sped up your hand and watched as he came all over his stomach right as his body started bulking out.
You took the moment to pull his sweats all the way off to give his legs the room they needed for all the extra muscle mass and fat and straddle his waist. His claws immediately went to grab as your thighs as you rubbed yourself over his cock, spreading your slick all over him. “Hn.. No claws, baby.” You swatted away his hands as you took off your dress and continued getting yourself off on his cock that changed shape along with the rest of him. “Doing so well for me.” You ground down on him, moaning and squeezing at his chest as you toppled over the edge with a loud whine. Daryl’s leg twitched behind him and his claws dug into the sand beneath him as he howled along with you. His head lolled to the side and his body relaxed as his shift had fully taken over, panting with his tongue out. “Oh no puppy we’re not done yet..” You leaned over and took his head between your hands and made him look up at you but he let out a whine in protest. “Poor dog, too tired to fuck some pups into me?” His ears perked up at the reminder and his tail wagged behind you.
A hand reached behind you to grab at the wagging tail and pulled at it roughly, getting a growl out of him that drew out into another howl as you positioned yourself on top of his thick member and slowly slid it inside of you. “Hah.. Always so big like this..” your hands rested on his thighs to give him a nice view of himself disappearing inside of you. “Such a big boy.” You gave his thighs a squeeze as you carefully lifted yourself off him and sank back down, a hand on your lower stomach where you could see his cock move inside of you.
Soft whines came from the beast beneath you, so easily overpowered with just the right touches. You leaned forward, moving your weight off your feet and slipping, sliding all the way down onto his cock, feeling his knot press against your lips and his tip press uncomfortably deep inside of you making you wince. Concerned sounds left him as a large hand wrapped around your side to pull you off him slightly until you found your pace again. Our hands moved to his chest and rested there as you used his cock to reach your peak. “Fuck you fill me good..” You hunched over further to scratch at his ears as he panted happily and thrust up into you, meeting your rhythm and
“Gonna cum for me, big boy?” Your hips were losing their steadiness and let Daryl fuck into your from below. “Good boy..”
Your praise went straight through him as he grabbed at your shoulder to pull you down and sink his fangs into you as his other hand went to your hips and shoved his entire length, knot included down your entrance and roared loud. The tight fit of his knot and his rough fur rubbing at your clit sent you over the edge with him, clenching around him even tighter, milking him dry. You felt him twitch inside of you as he emptied himself into your womb. You panted as you barely held yourself up. “Such a good boy, making me a mommy.”
By the time Daryl had ended his tale you had ended up with your back against him as he leaned on a crate and rubbed circles on your belly, his head on your shoulder and a wide smile on his face. The group that was listening had doubled in size and you couldn’t help but still feel ashamed. You weren’t used to this openness about your relationships and especially not your sex life.
“I knew mah baby brother’s gonna end up with a girly tha’s gonna boss ‘em around.” A voice boomed from behind you. Merle had arrived unnoticed as Daryl was telling his very detailed story, earning him and you both a rough pat on the shoulder before being pulled into a hug by the eldest Dixon. “Aint’ judgin’ ya, a feisty lil’ lady like yerself’s good fer ‘em.”
A smile crept on your face, slowly learning to get used to all this closeness and now fully realising you were going to be entirely fine as the odd one out in this pack of rowdy dogs.
~~☆☆☆~~
A/N: slowly learning to not use blushing/red faces in embarrassment to be more inclusive as I saw some posts about it lately.
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bengiyo · 5 months
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BL 2023 Review
I wasn’t sure how I wanted to write about BL for this year. I was originally going to do a The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly framework for it, but that feels meaner than I actually am about it. Instead, I think I’ll just write out some sections and unpack some things I felt along the way.
I Watched Too Much Again
Last year I engaged with about 92 productions around the world. This year it was 99 (I tracked stuff I completed here). Sure I dropped 18 of them this year, but goddamn. The problem with watching as much as I did this year is that I worked full time this year and also maintained a separate hobby. I also continued my twice-weekly watch sessions with my friend Emily, so there are an additional 100-ish watch sessions in here of rewatching, plus a few other rewatches (Theory of Love and My Ride most notably).
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One of my struggles at this point is I’m far too familiar with the genre, and find myself feeling impatient and irritable with shows that aren’t to my taste the way I used to. Throughout the late summer and fall I found myself increasingly grumpier about the genre, and it didn’t get better until I had a holiday and basically slept a day to get some energy back. I also found myself growing apart from fans I’ve known and followed a long time. It’s been a difficult year for me as a long-time fan because my tastes, habits, and friendships in the genre have changed even if the amount I watch hasn’t really.
I Wrote a Lot This Year
I recently converted my watch tag away from my gaming internet persona to just my shortname, so all near-1000 of my Stray Thoughts posts can be found under #ben watches now. I’ve also been going back and adding #ben writes to some of the standalone pieces that I really liked. In reviewing them, the pieces I’m happiest about are my ode to Framboise from Kabe Koji Nekoyashiki-kun Desires to Be Recognized, my post begging everyone to watch La Pluie, my post about what it means to actually like queer men, my SBS ep 10 post that ended up being wrong, my post about the Lavender Scare and Be My Favorite, my Tokyo in April is… post about the breaking of the BL line,
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However, the two posts I am most proud of is my half-joking response about why I think tagging each other back and forth across Tumblr in our writing is so important. and The Knowing: Being Queer in BL because I had so much great conversations with folks as a result of both of these posts.
Looking back at my own blog, this is probably the most active I’ve been in my entire time on this website, so thank you to everyone who interacted with me this year, because it really is people talking to me that gets me most inspired to write things down. Big shout out to @lurkingshan who will bug me repeatedly until I blog something that I said in passing.
We Started a Podcast!
After hanging out with @shortpplfedup since Bad Buddy, she got inspired and really wanted to bring something different to the BL podcasting sphere. I had time, and liked talking with her enough, so we started @the-conversation-pod. Now we’re a full year into it and planning out future stuff. It’s been so much fun being able to get things off my soul and break poor NiNi in our recording sessions.
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From this year, I think my favorite episodes we did were The Moonlight Chicken Episode, the Eighth Sense episode, the ITSAY Anniversary Episodes,  The Wedding Plan episode, , and The Holiday Clip Show. Huge shout out to @ginnymoonbeam for anchoring the transcription process, and @lurkingshan for editing.
The VIIB Awards will begin airing soontm so look forward to that.
Favorite New Term: Business Gay Performance
Let’s be clear, Bump Up Business is not good. It is an obvious BL cash grab from OnlyOneOf that seeks to comment on the fake nature of BL while doing everything it can to trick the audience into believing that the BL pair is real.
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Before we got deeper into this year, I was a big fan of a certain pairing, and then their fans took it too far and it affected the way I engaged with their performances and their work. I like that we have a new term for “fanservice” that communicates that you understand that this is for work. (thanks to NiNi for this comparison) I can look at the latest behind the scenes video from Last Twilight and say that I think Sea really understands the work they’re doing, and he and Jimmy have a very relaxed and mature version of BGP without feeling like I’m feeding into shipping.
Do I think they’re dating? No. Do I like the way they fake it? Absolutely!
I can look at one of @respectthepetty posts about Yin and War having personalized, color-coded mics, and we can talk about the next level BGP between the two and both communicate that we know that this is a performance.
It actually makes the extra PR work fun for me again, because now I can just shout “BGP! BGP! BGP!” and it not feel like I’m giving myself brainrot.
Thai BL Needs to Finish Stronger Next Year
Let’s get into some of the show stuff. This year was defined for me by Thai BL starting strong with good premises and then squandering them by not focusing on the details that mattered or leaning into baseless melodrama. Time for some reads. Some of these shows were generally good, but they failed at these things:
609 Bedtime Story: The world building crumpled in the back half and both endings are flat.
A Boss and a Babe: Cher is a pro gamer who worked for a gaming company and there was no plot point about this at all, or collaboration between the two groups.
Bake Me Please: Why was a show about cake so lacking in flavor?
Be Mine SuperStar: You had a real opportunity to explore a fan and idol romance and had Punn show so little growth. I hope the footage of First’s range is helpful now that Ja is out of BL.
Be My Favorite: You redid that whole amusement park date and muddled so much of what the hell happened on that day.
Between Us: You had years to make this interesting. Why are there five pairs and why is the end of this a JC Penny catalog photoshoot?
Dangerous Romance: What the fuck happened to the Sailom we had in episode 1 and 2 before that gun incident?
Hidden Agenda: Tee, what the hell was this? Twelve weeks of this?
I Feel You Linger in the Air: You may be the most beautiful show, with some of the most impressive performances of the year, but you absolutely botched this ending. Finish the goddamn season next time.
Love in Translation: I love you, but that whole kidnapping plot was so stupid at the end.
Low Frequency: I like your OST. That's about it.
My Dear Gangster Oppa: No examination about how gaming friendships become close quickly because of the combination of anonymity and teamwork (shout out to @twig-tea for this excellent summation).
My School President: Saving your gay commentary for the final episode felt like a conservative choice. I want more from you next time.
Naughty Babe: You retconned your own characters to tell a worse story. Unforgiveable.
Never Let Me Go: You didn’t know if you wanted to be a high school BL or a mafia story. It was difficult to watch.
Only Friends: I cannot believe you did Boston like that at the end. Either give Force’s character a clear personality next time, or keep him enigmatic; half measures make him and Book look worse. Sand was absolutely embarrassing. Boeing was a waste. Ending on all of them paired like that felt so unearned.
Step By Step: You forgot to ground Jeng’s external dreams at the end, so the final two episodes are just frustrating.
I’m glad I got that off my chest. We can go into the next year now.
Korea Put in the Work This Year
I really like the efforts from the various Korean studios this year. I really hope we get a Strongberry joint next year, but I want to acknowledge that we had 18 Korean BL dramas I watched this year, and at least three of them I think are must watches: Our Dating Sim, Sing My Crush, and The Eighth Sense. Beyond that, I think Love Tractor, Unintentional Love Story, and A Breeze of Love are easy recommendations.
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It’s really impressive how the complaint for me this year with Korean BL is not about them using their time poorly. It’s more about normal drama concerns, where I think characterization is a little weak, or a theme doesn’t land squarely. This rapid iteration from the Korean studios is really impressive to watch, and I’m excited to see what some of the recognized players do next year.
Taiwan and The Philippines Have Been Quiet for Me
I wasn’t really able to connect with much from the Philippines this year except for The Day I Loved You. I never wrote about The Day I Loved You, but this beautiful and heart wrenching show is one of my favorites from this year. I wasn’t too keen on the Oxin Films offerings of this year, and I’m still chasing down the ones from The IdeaFirst Company.
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As for Taiwan, this new BL project from the end of the year just isn’t hitting. Kiseki: Dear to Me also ended up really hurting me with the way they used Wayne Song and Huang Chun Chih. I love that angry little man with the white hair, but I’m still salty about Wayne and the general mess of that show.
Japan was Busy This Year
I watched 16 new shows, a few older ones, and a few movies this year from Japan. We haven’t gotten this much from them ever. I continue to love the Drama Shower project from MBS, and my beloved What Did You Eat Yesterday? returned this year. We had pretty stellar outings with Our Dining Table, If It’s With You, and I Cannot Reach You.
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I think a third of the Japanese BL I’ve tracked on MDL actually released this year. That’s huge.
Still, I am going to side eye Minato’s Laundromat 2. You were the show that let me down the most this entire year. More than Only Friends, more than Step By Step, and even more than Kiseki. You absolutely blew it. You were telling a great story about a man with an acute case of internalized homophobia coming out of his shell and learning to love his younger partner and you blew it for stupid amnesia nonsense. I will never forgive you for this.
Where Were All the Uncles This Year?
Really, without Jim from Moonlight Chicken, and without the men from What Did You Eat Yesterday? we had an alarming dearth of older gay characters passing on knowledge and wisdom to the youngsters this year. What the hell happened?
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Rare Dynamics Won: Second Chance Romance and Friends to Lovers!
We had so much second chance romance this year. It’s really my favorite version of gay romance because gays don’t always have ideal settings when they’re young. We had Our Dating Sim, Individual Circumstances, Jun & Jun, The End of the World With You, Tokyo in April is…, Be My Favorite, Love Class Season 2, and A Breeze of Love. I am satisfied.
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Friends to Lovers is actually so rare in romance and we have so many to choose from this year! The best examples are I Cannot Reach You and Sing My Crush, but we also have one of the pairs in Love Class Season 2.
Gay Thoughts
I had a couple of ongoing thoughts this year about queerness in BL.
First, I want to return to my post about Sing My Crush and La Pluie, and how I assert that Men Need to Be Angry Sometimes. More than giving men grace to be righteously angry or upset about things, along with letting them express it in ugly ways, I really want to get into how we engage with these shows. I will stop engaging with moralistic reads on characters in 2024. I will no longer engage with asks, reblogs, or meta gripping the fandom where we're judging the moral fiber of the character.
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The question that really only matters for me at this point is: Is this act from the character justified from their characterization, the narrative, or genre conventions; and is it interesting? Whether or not the character is good or bad reeks of the lame arguments about good and bad representation, and I am not watching BL like I’m being graded in Sunday school.
The second thing I really want to acknowledge at the end of the year is that the gay sex is finally getting better again. I watched The Novelist this year, and we have taken so long to get back to the space that show took us on the portrayal of male-male intimacy. We are in the genre about people with dicks. It should feel like it. There should be a masculine component there that feels specific to queer intimacy.
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I will acknowledge 2 Cutie 2 Pie, A Boss and a Babe, Be Mine SuperStar, Bed Friend, Candy Color Paradox, For Him, I Cannot Reach You, Kiseki: Dear to Me, La Pluie, Love Class 2, Love in Translation, Love Mate, Middleman’s Love, Naughty Babe, Only Friends, The End of the World With You, Tokyo in April is…, and Wedding Plan for your contributions.
Final Thoughts
I like how broad the genre felt this year, and I enjoyed how much speculative fiction is entering into the conversation. I don’t know how I feel about there being five vampire stories in the works next year, but overall I’m glad that we’re getting more experimental concepts. I’m burnt out on the college engineering BL, and would like to see more shows about working adults.
Despite how grumpy I was for at least three months, I think this has genuinely been one of the best years we’ve ever had in the genre. I made a lot of new friends in BL this year, and I’m excited to see what comes next. Thank you all for spending some of your time with me this year and I’ll see you in the next one.
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cosmerelists · 3 months
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Five Questions I I Have about the Cosmere that I'm Too Afraid to Ask
Well, except that I suppose I am asking them, right now. These questions haunt me specifically because I think they have answers and that I should know what they are.
1. What Are Highspren the Manifestation Of?
This one I will sincerely accept an answer for, if anybody (or everybody?) knows. Like, rainspren are rain and honorspren are honor and liespren are lies. I get all that. Are highspren, like...the concept of highness? Like being high in the air? Is that something that gets anthropomorphized? I've read the Coppermind page a bunch of times and it feels like it doesn't specifically say.
What are they??
2. How do the bridges work?
You can try to explain this to me if you'd like but I don't think I'll get it because, well, this one is probably down to my difficulty in picturing things like this. But I just don't understand how the manual bridges in Sadeas' army actually worked. Like, they are pushed across the gap, right? So they have to long enough that they don't just tip in halfway across. Are they just like triple the size of every gap? Also, when they get placed side to side so that a line of horses can run across them--wouldn't they have to be like right against each other so there aren't gaps? How do you do that if you have people holding them on both sides? Can you really push them together if they're that long and most of it is on the other side of the gap already? I just have never been able to picture it, even a little.
3. DO we know what caused the Recreance?
In one of my other posts I expressed a hope that we would learn what caused the Recreance, and several people commented that we knew already [SPOILERS]: that it was because the Radiants learned that their powers destroyed their last planet so they all gave up their oaths. But is that really...it? I don't mean to downplay the destruction of a planet but, like, the current Radiants know that too and none of them seemed even slightly tempted to give up their powers. I just feel like there must be more to it than that...right? Some other, more terrible secret? But is this just me missing the point?
4. Where does the joke about Szeth being good at ice skating come from??
This one drives me nuts because I'm sure I should know. I assume it's something from the Battle of Thaylen City when he was with Lift, but the Coppermind article doesn't say a whole lot about his part in that fight. And I just don't remember. And I'm too lazy to look it up. Please somebody save me.
5. Are there...holidays in the Cosmere?
This is one that's been in the back of my mind for a while. Like...I have no idea what the yearly holidays are on Roshar, or Scadrial, or really any of the planets. I'm not clear if people celebrate their birthdays with a party or go out to dinner on their wedding anniversaries or celebrate the new year. I guess maybe because the books are always taking place in crises? So there's no time for Kaladin to go shopping for a midwinter crab-turkey or whatever? Or for Vin to be buying balloons for Elend's big day? But seriously--do you folks know of any holidays that characters are said to celebrate in times of not-crisis?
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brucewaynehater101 · 9 days
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As someone who is partly deaf, I love that deaf Tim stuff. But hear me out for something that could work for either of them. What if on complete accident when both the Bats and Rouges hear about Tim's disability, the Rouges are the ones who do a better job with not looking down on Tim. Yes they add things to help him, like for Deaf Tim Joker would also use ASL as he monologs to make sure that Tim can understand him or with Blind Tim Riddler makes puzzle rooms themed around telling the difference in textures or he reads all the riddles out loud.
Meanwhile the Bats are. They *tried* ok? But they keep over compensating because they worry about Tim. Unlike the Rouges who don't pull their punches, during training the Bats do start pulling punches and going a little easier on Tim. Dick keeps trying to do things for Tim that Tim knows he can do. Bruce keeps taking him off cases that involve in person investigation. Damian keeps saying things about how all tasks should be left to him because clearly he's the superior one (if it's early Damian, later on when they're on better terms he wouldn't be as assholish about it but also keeps trying to take over tasks for Tim)
I'm really really glad that you vibed with the AU.
As far as your additions, I 100% agree. Having "good intentions" for people can still be harmful and frustrating. That's why, in these AUs, Tim tries to hide his disability until he's able to prove his efficiency. It's dealer's choice whether the Bats choose to acknowledge the evidence or are still doubting his capabilities.
I think the fic from the OG post has a scene where Babs, Cass, and Tim meet up to discuss the microaggressions they face from the Bats due to their respective disabilities. The sequel definitely has cute interactions between Damian and Tim. Damian refuses for anyone to treat his "rival" as weak or incapable. Peak siblings energy.
The funny part I find about this would be the Rogues accommodating Tim's disabilities just so they can defeat him. If Joker learned ASL for Tim, he'd probably research the hell out of how to look intimidating and scary while doing it (since, depending on Tim's hearing loss, Joker can't effectively utilize the vocal tone skills he's trained to be terrifying). Riddler would treat it as another puzzle and mental exercise (his Riddles would likely increase in accessibility for multiple disabilities as time progresses. He wants to challenge folks by their thinking abilities, not by their ability to test within the constraints placed on them. Perhaps, after his research and new implementations, he even starts targeting schools that unfairly places confines on their students [from both a socioeconomic standpoint and from improper accommodations]).
Anyways, I would love a fic that highlights some of the Bats' treatment of Tim and how not to interact with folks of different disabilities. Stuff like infantilizing, doing tasks for the person without permission, assuming what someone can handle, and disregarding them. It'd be cool to watch Tim try open communication (asking boundaries and what level of assistance the person desires) with all of them. For some, that's all that's needed. They have a clear guideline of "that shit was not okay" and the lines of communication are open for them to ask clarification in the future. For others, they listen to Tim, agree to change, and still pull that shit. I personally vote for Tim getting petty.
I feel like Babs and Cass would be the ones to understand the most that Tim can do anything he sets his mind to (he's so incredibly stubborn that he'd probably even be able to steal LexCorp from Luthor if he was motivated enough. He most likely even has plans already drawn for it ready to implement at any point). Duke would probably understand how others' perceptions of Tim affect him.
I also kill for Tim utilizing WE resources to bring aid and accommodations based on more specific audiences (such as how kids in the foster system, LGBT youth, and those with disabilities [both mental and physical] disportionately make up the homeless population).
I'm rambling a bit because sociology is a passion of mine. I'd get a higher education on the subject if I had the money.
Anyways, I love considering such perspectives in fanfiction. Let me know if there's other stuff I should add to this AU!
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cmncisspnandmore · 6 months
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One Night Stand; Part 3
Pairings: Simon 'Ghost' Riley X Reader
Warnings: OOC Simon (kinda?), fluff, alcohol, pregancy, talks of abortion, vomiting,
Summary: Its been 3 months since your night in the sheets with Simon and your life just got a whole lot more complicated.
A/N: I know, I know. okay. I get it. Not everyone like the pregnancy trope, so if you dont im sorry. If i lose some readers for this then im sad to see you go but i hope to see you in future writings i do for the COD men. This is not going to be like other pregnancy tropes that get all mushy and fluffy and light after. This story will be filled with dark themes coming in later chapters that i hope will keep people interseted. We all know Simon Riley's life cant be easy, so if you're still here after this part. Buckle up. Its a wild ride.
Word Count: 5,015
New to the Series? Catch up here: Part 1, Part 2
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The bar looked exactly the same as it did three months ago. The music wasn't as loud, but that was probably because it was still early. Many people were still at work at 5pm on a Thursday.
Not you, you had found a job working online, writing articles for business pages. It wasn't the most exciting thing in the world but it paid well, and it occupied most of your time. An added bonus of not leaving for work was you never had to worry about coming home from the office to find someone on your couch. You shake your head trying to clear the thoughts. You weren't even 100% sure why you were here, the chances that Soap even knew Simon were slim. But he had said he knew almost everyone that came to the bar. 
So there was a chance.
One you couldn't pass up, you had to at least try.
Wrapping your coat around you tighter, you walk into the bar. The dim lights reflect off the shiny tables. A few people sit at them, watching a replay of a game on tv. You glance around behind the bar, looking for the familiar mohawk. 
It pops up from behind the bar towards the end, Soap holds a bin of limes in his arms. He sets the bin down on the shiny black countertop, pulling a small cutting board out from the top of the bin and a knife. He slices a lime in half as you slide into the seat in front of him. His blue eyes meet yours and a smile breaks out on his face. 
“Lass! Good to see ya, you disappeared on me the last time ye were here!” He smiles, turning the lime and cutting it again. 
“Sorry about that, I needed to clear my head, I hope I didn't upset you,” you smile back, placing your hands on the bar.
“Nay, what can I get for ye? Vodka Soda?” he asks, setting the knife down as he turns towards the shelves of alcohol behind him.
“Uh, actually, can I just have water instead?” You bite your bottom lip and Soap nods, grabbing a glass and filling it. He slides the glass of water in front of you, and you stare down into it. 
“Everything okay?” he asks, looking at you with one raised eyebrow. 
“Oh yeah, I'm fine. Early day tomorrow ya know? Don't want to be hung over is all.”
“Aye i get that, so what brings you here?” Soap leans his forearms against the bar, “Miss me?” He smiles.
You can't help but roll your eyes, “Oh totally,” you laugh.
“I knew it, not many women can resist the MacTavish charm,” Soap grins, he stands back up and picks up the knife. He cuts each lime into wedges before putting them in the bin, you reach over grabbing one from the cutting board and squeeze it into your water. 
“Aye! Paw off,” Soap smiles, shaking the knife at you. A smile of your own breaks out on your lips as you watch him. 
“You have plenty to spare, plus someone around here has to keep you busy.”
“I assure you Lass, the folk around here keep me plenty busy,” Soap points over your shoulder where Price and Gaz are walking in. They’re deep in a conversation as they make their way over to where you are sitting in front of Soap. 
Kyle is the first to notice you, and he pauses looking at you over. “Y/n, it's good to see you again, not going to lie. I was kinda sad you left without a goodbye last time,” Gaz takes the seat on the left.
“Sorry about that, I promise to say bye this time. I don’t want to bruise your ego,” You say over the rim of your glass. 
“Good, I don't think I can hear him wallow about it anymore,” Price says as he sits in the stool on your right. “So what do you think of London? Everything you could’ve imagined?”
“It’s alright… It rains a lot more than I'm used to, but it's not too bad. Definitely different from the small town I'm from,” you look over at him. He gives you a small smile, and turns towards Soap. 
“Soap, we ship out tomorrow morning, be ready at 0600 hours,” Price grunts as Soap puts the last lime into the bin. 
“Yes sir,” Soap turns towards the bottles of liquor on the shelf and grabs a bottle of bourbon. He sets it down on the counter with a soft thud, he then grabs two glasses for them, pouring each man two fingers. He slides the glasses across the bar to them, the acidic smell of the bourbon makes your stomach turn. Saliva pools in your mouth as you desperately try to swallow. 
“Oh uh, Soap, I wanted to ask if you knew someone actually,” You take a sip of water, your eyes following him as he moves behind the bar. Soaps bright blue eyes look over at you, his brows furrowed together. 
“I might,” he smiles. A loud noise from behind you startles you, and a drunken man tumbles into the back of your stool. His drink spilling down your back as he leans against the back of the barstool, the smell of the alcohol hits your nose. 
“Oops,” the drunken man mumbles, his breath wafting over your face.
Your stomach rolls, as Price and Gaz help the man up. Gaz and Price half drag him away from you as he continues to mumble about his drink. Gaz says something and pats him on the chest as they pull him to the door. You stand from the chair, the fabric of your coat and shirt now sticking to you. Nausea rolls through you as you try to breathe through your mouth. 
“You alright lass? You look a little green,” Soap is now standing in front of you, a clean bar towel in his hands. He gently pats the towel against your soaked shirt and coat trying to soak up some of the liquid that's seeping into your skin. 
You can't answer, if you open your mouth you’re sure you’ll throw up so you push past Soap and hurry towards the bathroom. Soap follows behind you, pausing at the door to the women's room. You shove open one of the stall doors and drop to your knees. The cold tiles bite through the fabric of your jeans, as the contents of your stomach is emptied into the porcelain bowl. It takes you several minutes to stop dry heaving, your stomach clenching painfully with each contraction of your abs. When the feeling settles you stand, before rinsing your mouth out with some water from the tap. You grab a paper towel, wiping your hands and mouth.
“You alright in there?” Soap calls through the door, his voice laced with concern. 
“Yeah..” you call back, tossing the paper towel into the bin and pulling open the door, “Sorry about that.” You shove your hands into your pockets as you come face to face with Soap. His eyebrows knit together in worry as he looks over you, one hand hovers in the air as if hes going back and forth on if he should touch you or not.
“You su-” he pauses looking over your shoulder, his eyes widened slightly.
“MacTavish, the bar can't run itself…” A familiar voice rumbles, the hair on the back of your neck stands on end. Memories of your night 3 months ago rushes back, that same voice that murmured praise to you as he pounded into you. 
You whip around, at the end of the hall stands Simon, his black hoodie pulled up over his head, his mouth and nose covered by a skull print face mask. His brown eyes widen slightly as he sees you. “Y/n…” he whispers. 
“You two know each other?” Soap muses from behind me, his hands coming to rest on my shoulder as he walks by. An uncomfortable silence settles over the hallway and Soap slips by, muttering “I’ll leave you two alone…” 
Simon takes a few steps towards you, and it seems like he takes up the whole hallway. You look up as he towers over you, his face is unreadable, he lifts a hand, brushing his fingertips across your cheek. It sends electricity skittering across your skin, your breath catches in your throat.
Over the past 3 months you have tried to forget about the man whose brown eyes haunted your dreams. Whose touch caused your mind to go blank. Like someone wiping a harddrive. But there was no forgetting, not anymore. He was here in front of you, sure, you had come to ask Soap if he knew him. But you hadn't expected to run into him tonight. You still had no idea what you were going to say to him. How do you justify just leaving his house at 3am?
“You could've said goodbye, you know… You didn't have to sneak out and call an Uber at 3am..” Simon whispers, and guilt slams into you. He knew you left. He wasn't asleep like you thought…
“I-I..” you stumble over your words, unsure what to say. There wasn't anything you could say really. You knew you should’ve just waited, dealt with the awkward small talk. Maybe even exchange numbers you would never plan on using. But nope.
Instead you fled. Just like you fled after your sister's funeral.
At least you were consistent. 
“I’m not upset, I understand.” Simon adds after a moment, his hands shoved deep in his pockets of his hoodie. 
“Simon.. I.. I’m sorry.. I’ve been going through a lot. And i didnt .. I couldn't face you after that. Not, not that you did anything wrong. Because you didn't! I mean you were great. I just,” You run a hand through your hair. “God, this is not how I wanted this to go.” 
“Breathe. Love, breathe.” Simons hands cup your face and you freeze. “It’s okay, like I said I'm not upset with you,” he lets his hands drop, and you nod. 
“I didn't know you knew Soap,” He muses, leaning against the wall. You shuffle your feet, taking a deep breath.
“Yeah… I met him the same night I met you… You know him too, yeah?” 
“Soap, Gaz, Price and I all serve together,” Simon rubs the back of his neck with his hand, looking slightly uncomfortable.
“Oh! I don't know how I didn't pick up that you were military,” You bite your lip looking down at his black boots. 
“We didn't exactly get to know each other very much that night..” Simon says, and a small blush creeps up your cheeks at the mention of your night together. “So what brings you here tonight?” Simon asks.
The familiar feeling of nausea swirls in your stomach again, you clench your fists, nails biting into your palm. Something you have come to do a lot over the past few months. “I came here to ask about you, actually. I needed to talk to you..” You whisper, and Simon's brows furrow.
“Well you found me.. What did you need to talk about?” He asks, as you chew your bottom lip. Anxiety creeps into your chest, wrapping itself around your lungs like an icy hand. The air rushes from your lungs, your eyes burning with tears.
 How the hell could you turn this man's life upside down?
“Hey, hey,” Simon whispers, his large hands clasp your shoulders steadying you. The world feels a million miles away, like you were floating out in space untethered. Everything sounds muffled, and the lights are suddenly too bright in the hallway. You raise your shaky hands, running them through your hair. A large hand guides you down the hall a little until the bitter cold air of winter in London hits you. You gasp, your lungs filling with the cold air, goosebumps break out along your heated skin. 
The world slowly comes back into focus, soft murmuring in your ear as large arms wrap around your middle holding you against a solid chest. “Breathe, you’re alright, you’re okay… Just breathe, Love.” Simon murmurs into your ear. Tears fall from your eyes, trails of hot tears stream down your cold cheeks. 
“I’m sorry I left that night…” you gasp in between sobs, “and i am so sorry im going to say this…” You whisper the last part. At first you aren't sure Simon heard you but after a moment he turns you around. His arms are still around you as he looks down at you, your teeth starting to chatter from emotion and the wind.
“Whatever you have to say can't be that bad, love. Did you find out you had some like STI or something? Do I need to get tested?” He asks, his brown eyes searching your tear stained face. His hands moving up and down your body in an attempt to warm you up and comfort you at the same time.
You shake your head, if only an STI was the least of your problems. “N-no, i didn't give you anything like that…” you choke out.
Simon watches you as you stand face to face with him in the same alley you met him in 3 months ago. Although this time you’re different, instead of the woman who was caught in her own head. Who was running from demons he couldn't see, trying her best to show the world it couldn't break her. Instead standing in front of him was a woman who was scared, who looked so lost in the world, like she was barely hanging on. He studies you, even as you stand in front of him crying, your entire body shaking. You were still beautiful, and he would be lying if he said he didn't think about you. 
You had haunted him every moment since he heard you leave the apartment. When he heard the door click shut it took everything in him not to follow you out. But he didn’t, he laid there staring up at the ceiling until almost 5, before he got up and started making himself some tea. It was then he noticed the note you left your swirling handwriting on the scarp paper wishing him well. He was saddened to see you hadn’t left a way to contact you, but part of him understood. He had offered you a chance to get out of your head for a while. He hadn’t asked you on a date. He DIDN'T date. 
The onslaught of disappointment was tough for him to swallow. Simon was never upset when a woman he brought to bed left with no goodbye, and a hasty note. Simon preferred it that way, it was better if the one night stands didn’t stick around but for some reason Simon couldn’t stop thinking about you. About how your curves felt beneath his palms. The silky smooth expanse of your skin. The way your moans stirred something deep in him, or the way your eyes told him more than you ever would. 
Now as he looked down at you, standing in the darkened alley way. He knew whatever you wanted to say was about to bring his world crashing down. But instead of the overwhelming feeling to flee, that he normally had when confronting emotional issues like this. Simon wanted to hold you close and tell you that it was okay, that whatever it was you could face it and make it out the other side. During his years of doing interrogations and studying people he had learnt the signs of when someone was teetering on the edge. It was clear in your face and body language that you were one gentle gust of wind from toppling over. Crumbling into pieces he wasn’t sure anyone could put back together.
“What is it then Sweetheart? I’ll help you figure it out, whatever it is.” He whispers, pulling you closer to him, his body heat seeping into you, as the wind blows. You sniffle, your shaking hands coming up to swipe at the tears under your eyes. You take one last breath, eyes closed as you brace yourself.
“I’m pregnant.” 
It’s like the world stopped spinning.
Time was suddenly suspended, as you pried your eyes open to look at Simon. His brown eyes were guarded. His brows pulled together, as his hands stopped their motions for a fraction of a second. Your lungs burned from holding your breath, your throat tight. Every muscle in your body was tense, as you waited for him to say something. Do something. You needed some sort of reaction from him. Yelling, screaming, swearing, anything was better than the earth shattering silence that took place after you muttered the two words you hadn’t yet said out loud since you found out.
It wasn’t like you planned on getting pregnant by your one night stand. Hell. It was the LAST thing you wanted. You were always careful to get your birth control shot every 3 months. But with the chaos of the last few months, somewhere along the line you must’ve missed your last appointment. It wasn’t until you went into your appointment earlier today to get a shot that they had informed you they couldn’t administer it. That you were already pregnant.
“Okay.”
The word shocks you, and for a moment you aren’t sure you hear him right. You raise an eyebrow, as you look at Simon.
“Okay?” You ask.
“Yeah, okay. We’ll figure it out.” Simon states, his hands resuming their soothing motion up and down your sides.
“You’re not.. not going to freak out?” You whisper.
“There’s nothing to freak out about, this isn’t just going to go away. So we need to talk about our options, and we will. Just got standing in the back alley of a pub.”
“Okay…” you whisper, as Simon’s hands guide you towards the emergency exit door that he brought you through. The inside of the bar is louder than before, more people have shown up. Soap, Gaz and Price are all talking at the end of the bar. Your glass of water is filled and sitting on a napkin. They all look over when you two walk over.
“Ghost, Soap was just telling me that you and y/n know each other. Small world isn’t it?” Gaz smiles, his brown eyes looking between us. 
“We do,” Simon turns to Price, “I’m going to be bringing her home, I’ll see you at 0600 tomorrow, Captain.” 
There’s a look that passes between Price and Simon, but he just nods, then turns towards you. “I hope to see you again, dear, maybe next time we can all have a nice meal.” 
“Maybe,” you smile, after waving goodbye to Soap and Gaz, Simon leads you out to the street where the cars are parked. 
“Did you drive here?” He asks, looking down at you.
“No I took the bus,” you shove your hands into the pockets of your coat. It was still wet from where the guy spilt his drink, and you shivered.
“I’ll drive you home,” Simon takes your hand, pulling you towards his truck. He pulls open the passenger door and waits for you to get settled in the seat before shutting it. You run your hands together as Simon climbs into the driver's seat. He starts the truck, turning the heat on high.
“Where do you live?” He asks, as he turns on the headlights. 
“On Ashton street, the apartment complex there” from the corner of your eye you see Simon visibly stiffened, but he doesn’t say anything as he pulls away from the curb. The ride is mainly quiet, neither one of you having much to say. As you get closer to your apartment your anxiety starts to grow again. What if he tells you to get rid of it? 
Is that what you wanted? What if he decided he would rather give it up for adoption? Would he help you find a family? Maybe he would tell you he didn’t want anything to do with a baby? Could you deal with a baby? Bile burns in the back of your throat, and you try to swallow it back down. You weren’t about to throw up all over his nice truck. The grimy bathroom of a bar was one thing, but Simon’s leather interior of his car was not an option. Simon turns down a side street, there weren’t many streetlights on this stretch of the drive. You try to focus on the passing shadows but the rolling and twisting in you hug doesn’t let up.
“Can you pull over please?” You whisper, and Simon glances at you. Your hands bunched in the fabric of your coat, your eyes closed as you take deep breaths. Simon eases the car over, barely putting the car in park before you flung the door open and hop out. You move a few feet into the woods, your hands scraping against the tough bark of a tree, as you get sick. Bile burns your throat and nose, tears stream down your cheeks. 
Warm hands gather the hair from your face and hold it back. Holding your hair back with one hand the other rubs up and down your back. It takes several minutes of dry heaving for you to be able to stand up. A handkerchief is suddenly floating in front of you. You take it and wipe your mouth with it, shoving it into your pocket after.
“You okay?” Simon asks, as you take a deep breath.
“Yeah, I’m okay, sorry..” you mumble, as you turn back to the car and climb back in. Simon doesn’t say anything as he climbs in and continues to drive to your apartment. As he parks his car, he glances around, his eyes resting on the boarded up windows of the glass door.
“Everything okay?” You ask, noticing as he stares at the glass like he’s trying to get it to tell him what happened to it.
“Yeah. Sorry, let’s go inside,” he mumbles, climbing out and coming to your side. He pulls open your door and offers you a hand. You walk towards the building Simon’s entire body is tense as some residents barrel out of the door. They’re shouting and swearing as they stumble out, a lit cigarette dangling from their fingers. Simon pushes you behind him, as they pass, he watches as they head over to a parked car and continue arguing in front of it.
“They’ll stop arguing after a while. They do this often..” you mutter to Simon as you take his hand pulling him towards the door. He grunts and follows you up the three flights of stairs to your apartment. You hesitate, your hand on the knob as you take a deep breath. Entering was always the hardest part now, every time your hand touches the handle the images of your family break through the mental box you shoved them into. You let out the breath you were holding and pushed open the door. Flicking on the light switch next to the door. 
Your eyes falling on the empty couch against the far wall in the living room. Some of the tension leaves your shoulders as you stare at the threadbare fabric. You step further into the apartment allowing Simon to slip in behind you. He turns the locks on the door, and reaches down unlacing his boots. 
“I don't have much to offer.. Is water okay?” You ask as you shrug off your alcohol stained coat. The fabric is a sticky mess, the fabric ruined from the drink spilt on it at the bar. Tossing it onto the counter, you head over to the cabinet and take down two glasses. 
“Water is okay,”  Simon walks into your living room and takes a seat. He watches you fill the two glasses with water and you come and sit on the other side of the couch, handing him the glass. 
“When did you find out?” Simons asks, taking his face mask off and shoving it into his pocket and taking a sip of water. 
“This afternoon… I went in to get my birth control shot and they make you do a pregnancy test…” You pull your legs up to your chest, holding the glass of water in one hand. The other hand wraps around your shins keeping them pulled up to your chest.
“Did they tell you how far along you are?” He asks, “So we know what our options are, I mean.” 
“They said based on the blood work, 12 weeks. But I have to go in to get an ultrasound next week..” 
“Okay, so we don't have a lot of time to make a choice… have you thought about what you want to do?” Simon sets his glass down on the table next to the couch.
“I .. I don't know.. I was waiting to hear what you had to say before I made up my mind.” You mumble, your eyes trained on a spot of carpet that is fraying.
“If I'm being honest, I never wanted kids. They were never in my cards… I'm not saying I don't like them, kids are great, I just never pictured myself having any,,” he admits.
Your heart sinks.
Here we go, he's going to tell you to get rid of it, and tell you to delete his number, forget he exists and move on with your life. 
“But, with you, it feels right.. There's just something about you that I can't get out of my head and at the risk of sounding like a total barbarian. The thought of having you in my life until I die because of this baby fills me with excitement. I wanted to go after you when you snuck out of my apartment but I didn't want you to be uncomfortable. The night I spent with you was one of the best nights I've ever had. So if you would like to, I would love the chance to raise this baby with you. Even if it's as friends and nothing more. Because I know that you were put into my life for a reason, and I'm going to take any chance I can get to keep you around,” Simon finishes, his hand coming to rest on your ankle. 
You sit there for a few moments, mind reeling with everything he just said to you. He wanted to raise a baby with you? Just so he could get to know you? Did you really have that much of a profound effect on him? Would he still feel the same when he found out what had happened to you? Could you do this? I mean really do this?
Babies are huge commitments. They were for life; there was no backing out. But the way Simon was looking at you, like he would take on the world for you with barely knowing you. It made you feel like you could do it. As long as you didn't have to do it alone, well, at least not completely. You chew on your bottom lip for a few more minutes, the thoughts rolling around in your head as Simon's eyes trail around your apartment. 
“Okay…” you finally whisper and Simon's head whips towards you.
“Okay?”
“Yeah, okay. I-i don't think i can get rid of it anyway… The thought makes me feel sick,” you confess and the tension in Simon's shoulders all but disappears. 
“Alright, we can figure this out. No pressure for us to be together, we can just start by becoming friends, and seeing where things go okay?” He smiles, and its a real genuine smile. Your heart stutters in your chest, and you can't help your own smile that spreads across your lips. 
“If we’re being honest here,” you sigh, wringing your hands together in your lap,”I couldn't stop thinking about you either… I mean, even before all… yeah.. You know.”
Simon's hand comes over to rest on the side of your face, and he leans forward pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. “I'm glad to hear that I wasn't the only one with lingering thoughts,” he chuckles.
Simon drops his hand and looks around your place once more, a furrow deep in his brow. He opens his mouth to say something but thinks better of it, before he notices the time on the clock hanging on your wall. It was almost 10 and he needed to check over his gear before he shipped out in the morning. 
“I hate to do this… but I have to go,” his lips pulled down into a thin straight line.
“Oh right.. You told Price you would see him in the morning…”
“Yeah… Look, i can't tell you much, but i don't know how long i’ll be gone…” he looks around, and grabs the notebook you write your ideas for articles down in and scribbles on a spare piece. “This is my number, i won't promise i’ll respond while i'm away, but if anything happens, call this number 3 times in a row and you’ll get through to someone who can get a message to me okay? But that is only for emergencies, otherwise just text me and i’ll do my best to get back to you, alright?” He tears the paper out, coming to stand in front of you. He presses the paper into your hand. It crumples slightly as you close your hand around it.
“Okay,” you murmur, looking up at him from your spot on the couch. His fingers crush along your cheek as he brushes a strand of your hair back from your face. 
“Be safe, keep the door locked… i’ll be back soon and we’ll go do something fun and get to know each other.” Simon smiles, as he takes a few steps backwards towards the door. 
“I’ll hold you to it,” you smile, “Be safe out there.”
The only response is the soft click of the door.
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Next: Part 4
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fandomsandfeminism · 2 years
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So, this is going to be a little meandering and all over the place. But I'm trying to express this...web of thoughts I've been having lately around this issue of queer, and labels, and the way we talk about our history and the way the community conceptualized itself in this very digital age. And it's still kind of half formed, so...let's see.
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So. OK.
One thing I see a lot online, especially with people who are just now coming out, is a sort of...overfixation on increasingly niche labels. Im not saying that having a very specific or newer label is bad, to be clear. Labels are rhetorical tools, use what is useful. They help with visibility and discussing specific issues. No issues there.
But watching people quibble over bi vs pan vs omni vs abro or non-binary vs genderqueer vs demigender vs genderfluid vs agender vs xenogender vs bigender vs gnc. Asexual or gray ace or demisexual or queerplatonic. And whether they are a biromantic lesbian demigirl or bisexual greyaromantic genderuid. And it's always just a little exhausting, ya know? Again, if those labels are meaningful and useful, that's great, but I see people *agonizing* over which they "really" are. Like if they pick the wrong word to describe themselves, they are coming out the wrong way, like they are wrong about themselves if they can't find the exact correct word on an FAQ list of lgbt vocabulary.
And how I think that relates to the way people talk about our CURRENT labels as though these labels have always been there and like the people described by these labels now have no common experiences with other labels. Like lesbians and bisexual women have absolutely nothing in common. Like butches and trans men have no shared history. As though trans women and drag queens have always been completely separate and unconnected groups. As though ace folks and nonbinary folks are somehow new to the scene, and not community members who were always here and just didn't have a separate label until more recently.
I *remember* watching the community make the switch from transvestite and transsexual, to differentiating between transsexuals and transgender, to basically just using transgender/trans. Those labels are not stagnant. None of our labels are some ingrained biological unchanging objective truth. Labels are rhetorical shortcuts to summarize this facet of our identity and lives and experiences- but they are just words.
And maybe this connects to the way people get really...weird about historical figures too. Like whether Sappho was a lesbian or bisexual, as though either of those words would have had any meaning to her. About whether Shakespeare was gay or bi, like he would have conceptualized his own identity that way. About what modern label Dr. James Barry would have used for himself if anyone could travel back in time and ask him.
And then I think about why queer feels so much more affirming, so much more a place of strength, than LGBT+. Not that LGBT as a label is bad, and I honestly probably prefer it for allies and outsiders to use. But as a community label- Queer, to me, says that all our experiences are queer experiences. Queer can be many things, but they are all queer. Regardless of how many genders or which specific genders you like, whether you have a romantic and or sexual attraction to whatever collection of genders, whatever thing your gender is doing today- all of it, ALL of it, once you step outside that cis, straight mainstream sexuality and gender norm- is queer. Equally queer.
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Lgbt+ feels like we are still keeping all those labels separate, little boxes all lined up next to each other- different but a coalition. And while that isn't bad, I also think it isn't totally true.
[A caveat here, that there are times when more specific labels are very helpful. We don't want any specific kind of queer experience to be overshadowed or erased, and having more specific labels facilitates those discussions. Again, I'm not saying that we should eliminate or erase our more specific labels.]
But I think imagining our community as a collection of wholly separate groups that are just allied together, instead of one group that we are all equally in, can make it far too easy for exclusionists to sneak up and say "well ___ isn't REALLY lgbt. THEY aren't REALLY one of us. ___ dont belong."
If we take all the labels off all the crayons- red and pink and purple and blue and teal and green are not hard and fast divisions. They are artificial distinctions we have made- all of them are light, all of them the rainbow.
Anyway. I just think that, while everyone should use whatever labels bring them joy and are useful for them, we might be better off if more folks were ok with ALSO accepting the vast ambiguity of being queer.
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mswyrr · 7 months
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Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes makes the main series of The Hunger Games hit better because it's bookended by these two young people at the birth and death of the Games. Coriolanus choosing to become part of this thing, keep it alive when it was waning in power, and make it the effective tool of media/social control it became and Katniss choosing to use her one arrow, her one shot, to end the Games and Coin rather than take personal revenge on Snow.
Both young people are, in their own ways, ordinary. Collins never leaned into the super special YA lead trope. But Katniss is a young person whose inner compass points north and her inner "no" is so strong and that (at the right moment) enables the death of the Games and the whole social order they embodied and reflected. And Coriolanus is someone who (at another key moment) chooses to harden his heart and take the easy path and walking that comfortable path over decades is the mundane seed of evil.
I think it's important that both young people are living in wartime and influence the direction of things in a postwar moment, when where things will go is up in the air. I'm sure tons of other folks had similar choices to make--perhaps people who were even more exceptional in certain ways--but they weren't standing at just the right tipping point and Katniss and Coriolanus were.
As Katniss puts it when Coin invites her and the other surviving Victors to vote for a new Games using the Capitol's children:
Was it like this then? Seventy-five years or so ago? Did a group of people sit around and cast their votes on initiating the Hunger Games? Was there dissent? Did someone make a case for mercy that was beaten down by the calls for the deaths of the districts’ children? The scent of Snow’s rose curls up into my nose, down into my throat, squeezing it tight with despair. All those people I loved, dead, and we are discussing the next Hunger Games in an attempt to avoid wasting life. Nothing has changed. Nothing will ever change now. (315)
And that's why Katniss kills Coin rather than Snow at the end. His 75 year old world is gone. A new world is coming to birth (like it was when he was Katniss' age) and she knows that it must not be the world Coin wants. She doesn't know a lot, but she knows that and acts on it.
The timeline of the books isn't of Panem's government in general, but of the Games itself, and it is bookended by these two young people and their choices, to bring it alive or to shoot it dead. Which is why Collins told the story that she told in Ballad - it's not about Haymitch's games or whatever else people want, because that's not the origin story of this thing that Katniss ends, it's not the other bookend of the story, it doesn't reinforce or enhance Katniss' story the same way. Coriolanus' story does.
All of this is why a "born evil" interpretation of him or saying he and Lucy Gray didn't actually love each other compromises the themes of the series IMO. Coriolanus and Katniss have to have real choices made as people who could have chosen another path, and that means he has to have an actual conscience he chose to sear and numb and Katniss has to be someone capable of walking a crueler path, which is why the commonalities she has with Gale and that side of her needs to be clear as well.
They're both kids who are ordinary in some ways and exceptional in others, but not superpowered, they're human. And they both have ordinary human capacities for good and evil. And they both fall in star-crossed love. But then they choose very different things. And so it goes. Coriolanus helps bring a monster to life; Katniss slays it.
Ballad makes the main series ending even better:
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I love the two of them looking across time, across these different deciding moments, at each other, and Katniss making her choice.
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