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musings-of-a-rose · 2 years

Text

Meet the Millers - Chapter 11

Pairing: Joel Miller x Benny Miller x Will Miller x f!reader

Word Count: 4700+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Bear in mind the pairing of this fic along with the fact it’s set in a post-apocalyptic setting, so there will be themes and elements fitting the setting. Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story.

Notes: This is it, folks! The final chapter! This fic was a challenge to write but I had so much FUN! Thank you for coming along on the Miller journey with me. I hope you enjoyed it! This is also the first official chapter series I'm ending, and even though I wrote it over the course of 2 weeks in February, I'm still feeling a way about it. It's poetic that this ends on my birthday too!

**UPDATE: I have decided to continue this fic beyond this point!

I hit 200 followers and wanted to give y’all a little something so I did a poll and let you pick what one shot I write next. This is what y’all picked! I hope I can deliver. I started this out as a one shot and it MAJORLY got away from me, so now it’s a mini series. Thank you so much for following me and reading my ramblings! Also a shoutout to @astoryisaloveaffair for helping me figure out how things work and being an amazing sounding board, @icanbeyourjedi for helping me to settle on a filter for this moodboard, and @theewokingdead for being delightfully appalled at how many words this one shot has turned into and cheering me on with memes and gifs.

This is set loosely in The Last of Us universe. I’ve only played a bit of the game and watched others play (and the show isn’t out yet), so please forgive any inaccuracies. Also it’s a post-apocalyptic world so I’m taking a bunch of liberties here. Because fan fiction.

Ages at the time of this story (so you don’t have to do math):

Reader: 28

Benny: 35

Will: 38

Joel: 50

*Reader is ethnicity inclusive despite stock photo bias

**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!

<<Chapter 10

—----

Time passes as it does. You loved living with the Millers as they were the only people in the world that you cared about. They never judged you, only loved you, supported you, and cared for you, and you the same for them.

About a year after Joel had joined the relationship, you were standing in the kitchen making tea when you turned around to see all 3 of them on one knee behind you.

“We may not have rings or anythin’ fancy, sweetheart.”

“But we love you, darlin’.”

“Our lives are made whole with you in it, angel.”

In unison, they said “Will you marry me?”

Benny chuckles. “Or us, rather.”

“I- YES!” you throw yourself on your knees, pulling them all in as you hug and kiss each of them.

“We’re sorry we don’t have a ring or anythin’. It’s hard to come by, angel.”

“I don’t need a….a…”

They all look at you as the lightbulb comes on in your brain.

“Do any of you know someone who does tattoos?”

Will chimes in. “Yeah. One of my officer’s sisters a few sectors the other way from where you lived. Why?”

Benny claps you on the shoulder. “Where you gettin’ it?”

Smiling at him, you point to your ring finger, where you would traditionally have a wedding ring, if this was pre clicker times.

“What are you getting, angel?” Joel and Will are confused but Benny smiles at you knowingly.

—----

A week later, you stand in front of a few coworkers of the Millers, the only person you ever really met that you worked with was Benny. You had found a pretty sundress and styled your hair nice - one of the wives had helped you and put flowers in your hair. No one really questioned the fact that you were binding yourself to 3 men, all related. They were all just happy to have a reason to celebrate in this dark world.

After your vows, you headed over to the tattoo artist where she got to work, drawing an exact replica of the M tattoo the Miller brothers shared on your left ring finger, exactly where a ring would be. You couldn’t stop smiling despite the pain, loving the fact that you had their mark on you - it made you feel found, like you finally belonged, in a world where you had only felt lost.

The second you walk through the door to your place that night, Benny and WIll are on you, touching, kissing, biting, lifting your dress off as you rid them of their clothes. The three of you start to make your way to the hall, intending to head into Will’s room, but Joel speaks instead.

“Wait.”

Pausing, the three of you stop to look at Joel, whose eyes are roaming up and down the parts of your body that’s exposed. His head jerks towards his room.

“My bed’s the biggest.”

The three of you look at him - Joel had never joined in your group sessions, opting to only make love to you one on one, which was fine with all of you. But as you analyze his face, you see nothing but desire and a willingness, a lust for you that has you nearly dripping down your legs. You walk forward to stand in front of Joel and he looks down at you, eyes drifting over your body. You cup his face and wait for his eyes to return to yours.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to.”

“To quote my brother, “I’m not touchin’ them, but I can ignore their dicks.” Especially if it means I get to touch you and see you loved.”

You pull him in for a kiss and nip at his bottom lip, loving the groan that pulls from him when you do. Fingers graze over the buttons on his shirt, undoing them and exposing his bronzed skin underneath. You slide his shirt off, feeling for the button on his jeans. Sliding his pants down, he kicks them and his boxers off and you let your eyes roam down his body, pouring all your love and adoration into your gaze. When you lock eyes with him again, his eyes are dark, lust blown, and you can see the restraint in his features. He leans forward to kiss you, leaving a trail of them down your neck and gently taking a boob in his mouth. You moan and toss your head back, feeling Benny move in to kiss you almost immediately, swallowing your sounds. Always the practical one, Will moves down the hall to open the door to Joel’s room and you gently push Joel off your chest as you break the kiss, biting Benny’s bottom lip as he smirks and turns to head to the room. You take Joel’s hand and gently pull him towards the doorway, Will slapping your ass as you walk past him. You laugh and squeal, smirking at Will over your shoulder as you lead Joel into the room and up to the bed. He stands there, eyes big and wide, looking a little lost. Thinking for a moment, you place your hands on Joel’s chest, reaching up to place a soft kiss on his lips before you whisper in his ear.

“Sit on the bed. On your knees.”

Joel swallows hard and does as you say, scooting about halfway up the bed. Still standing at the foot of the bed, you pull Benny to you, slotting your lips against his and winding one of your hands around his neck, playing with his hair. Will moves in behind you, pressing his body against yours as he kisses your neck and shoulders. He slowly glides his hands across your body, leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake. One of his hands finds a boob and he starts to massage it gently, swiping his thumb over your nipple, feeling how it hardens under his touch. You moan into Benny’s mouth as he slides his hand around the back of your head, holding you to him and deepening the kiss. His other hand finds the unattended boob, mimicking his brother’s actions. Will’s other hand slowly slides down your side, traces little designs as he descends. He moves his hand carefully in between you and Benny, making sure he won’t touch his brother. Once he’s comfortable, he swipes a finger through your folds, quickly pressing into you before pulling your juices out and back up to your clit. Breaking the kiss with Benny, you moan out as Will continues his work, Benny moving to grip your chin, watching your facial expressions as Will pumps his fingers in and out of you.

Benny and Will continue their worship of you for a few more moments, until you suddenly remember Joel is there this time, waiting patiently on the bed. You manage to turn your gaze to him and feel a rush of wetness between your thighs that has nothing to do with the way Will is treating you. Joel is sitting on his legs on the bed, eyes blown wide with lust as he watches you, gently gripping himself, sliding his hand up and down his length. Struck with a sudden desire, you tap Will’s and Benny’s hands and they stop what they’re doing. You kiss them each deeply before crawling across the bed up to Joel, kissing him deeply as well. Pulling back, you nip at his nose, earning yourself a smirk as you turn away from him and lay down on your back, legs dangling off the foot of the bed, placing your head in Joel’s lap, your head next to his already leaking cock. You stare up at him, giving Joel wide doe eyes as he continues to slowly stroke himself right next to your face.

Quickly glancing down at Benny and Will, you see them nod at each other, apparently having made a plan. Benny grabs your legs and spreads them wide, holding them up as he lines up with you. You hold Joel’s gaze as Benny slowly slides into you, touching a spot at the back of you. Your mouth opens, a soft “oh!” escaping your lips as your brows furrow together, Benny grinding into you at the end to rub into that spot harder. You wrap your legs around Benny’s waist pulling him closer to you. He grips your hips, pulling you onto him as he thrusts into you, making your head slide a little up and down Joel’s leg.

Joel’s face is watching yours, waves of pleasure dancing across your features. His pumping has sped up a little, drawing your attention back to his dick. Gently, you reach your hand up and lightly grab his, pulling him off himself. Confusion on his features for a brief moment, until he sees you open your mouth and slide his cock into it gently, making sure you don’t scrape him with the movements of your body as Benny continues to fuck into you. Licking around him, you take your time pulling him into you fully, seeing his head fly back, wordlessly mouthing “shit” as you suck him in. Because of your angle, his cock presses into the side of your cheek, the definition of him becoming apparent the more of him you take in.

“Angel, shit, you look so gorgeous.” Joel’s hand comes up to your cheek, rubbing over where he is stretching your skin, rubbing small circles into you, feeling you moan and writhe under his touch and praise. Slowly, he inches out of your mouth, watching as a trail of saliva connects both of you as he pulls fully out. Pushing back into your mouth, you slide your tongue around him, tracing designs into his skin as he pushes in deeper.

Suddenly, your clit lights up, adding fuel to the fire that had been steadily growing inside you. A tongue laps at your nipples and you feel the gruff of Will’s beard, the calluses on his hands catching on your bundle of nerves as he massages you. Your hand flies up, winding fingers into his blonde locks as you hold him to your chest, moaning and whining into Joel’s cock, causing him to stammer.

“Fuck, angel. That..you feel so good.” He strokes your cheek again, brushing hair from your face as he starts to increase his thrusting.

“Look at you, takin’ all of us like a good girl.” Joel nearly growls out his praise, and you can feel him holding back.

“She’s the fuckin’ best,” Benny chimes in, grabbing your legs and pulling them up to rest your ankles on his shoulders, pinning Will’s fingers inside your folds, which just increases the sensations. Benny picks up his pace and you can feel his hips start to sputter as he rails into that spot in the back of you. Your own pleasure about to break over the dam inside you, you pull your head back to get Joel out of your mouth, crying out as you come with Benny, both of your sounds filling the room as his hips shove into you, spilling himself deep inside. Will hasn’t removed his hand, guiding you back down from your orgasm, biting down on your boob, earning him an extra hard tug on his hair from you.

Benny kisses your calf before he pulls out, Will dropping your boob and removing his hand at the same time. Feeling suddenly empty, you turn your head to the side, pushing Joel’s cock back into your mouth, loving the grunt he lets out as you do. Able to focus on him a bit more, you take charge of the motion, wrapping your tongue around him and tracing patterns into his skin as you hollow out your cheeks as best you can, feeling Joel caress your cheek every time he pokes at it, praising you and caressing your face the entire time. About a minute goes by like this before Joel pulls out of your mouth.

“Hold on, angel. You’re…entirely too good at that and I want to make this last.”

A moment’s silence and then Will speaks.

“I’m…not as gentle as Benny.”

Joel nods and shifts you over so the back of your head is resting directly in between his legs. His hands caress your face as he gazes down at you, love pouring out of him and washing over you, causing you to heat up again. Benny lays on his stomach, scooting up to your side, one hand guiding a boob into his mouth as he laps at your nipple as you whine out, gripping his hair with one hand. Will grips your legs and pushes them open, as he lines up with you. You feel him heavy at your entrance, your pussy clenching around nothing as if trying to suck him inside. Will feels it and groans, his dark blue eyes finding yours.

“Are you ready, darlin’?”

You nod vehemently and before you finish nodding, Will thrusts into you, roughly pulling out to slam back into you, setting a rough pace as he tightly grips the underside of your thighs. You feel your head slamming into Joel who doesn’t seem to mind. Your mouth is open, whines escaping you with every harsh thrust. A crack echoes across the room and you feel the sting of Will’s slap on your ass and you cry out at it, Will repeating the action just to hear your sounds.

Benny drops your boob from his mouth and moves his opposite hand to your lips, locking eyes with you as he pushes his fingers into your mouth and you suck on them a little, listening to his small moans. Removing his fingers with a pop, he moves his hand down your body and finds your clit, rubbing small circles and taps onto your sensitive spot.

“Shit..I…I…fuck!” is all you manage to get out, feeling Benny gently nipping at your boobs, his hips starting to grind into the bed, unable to help himself.

Will pushes your legs wider, spreading you open and giving Benny more room to massage your folds and you cry out as Benny does just that. Joel takes your free hand in his and rubs small circles into the back of it, watching your face as it bounces in his lap from Will’s hard thrusts.

“You’re doing so good, angel. Lettin’ us take care of you.”

All you can manage back is an open mouthed smile at Joel, feeling Will’s thrusts getting harder and faster, knowing that’s his cue for getting close. His hands move under your ass and tip your hips up and at this new angle, he rubs right up against your g spot and you’re seeing stars, crying out as you come undone around Will, feeling him thrust into you a few more times before grunting out, spilling himself inside you. Benny continues to gently rub your clit as you come down, your body jerking as overstimulation sets in. He removes his hand as Will pulls out and moves down between your legs to bite your inner thigh, watching you grunt in pleasure at the mark. He continues kissing up and down your inner thighs, Benny having moved on to sweet kisses across your chest as well, Joel caressing your face.

“I need…I need…” you’re trying to gather your speaking skills.

“What do you need, angel?” Joel asks, watching your face.

You meet his eyes. “I need you, Joel. Please,” the last word was more of a plea but you weren’t above that.

Joel studies your face. “Are you…are you sure, angel? If you’re too…too sore or tired, you don’t have to-”

You’re sitting up, pushing Will and Benny from you as you do, turning to kneel in front of Joel. Placing a hand on either side of his face, you pull him to you, licking and biting at his lip before sliding your tongue inside, feeling him wrap his arms around you, pulling you closer. You feel his erection pinned between you both, his thick cock pulsing with desire. You break the kiss but keep his eye contact, bringing your hand up to your face and licking your palm, sliding it between your bodies and gripping him, sliding your saliva around his erection. Joel breathes out heavily, watching as you pump him a few times.

His restraint breaking, he pulls you down onto him as he lays down, kissing you passionately, feeling you grind your hips along his.

“You ready for me, angel?” his voice is low and raspy in your ear, a shutter coursing over your body at the tone.

“Fuck yes.”

You sit back and take him in your hand, lining him up and sinking down onto him, both of you crying out when he’s fully seated inside. Unable to help himself, he thrusts up into you, tapping at a spot in the back.

“Oh fuck angel, you feel..ngghh…fantastic.”

You ride him for a few more thrusts, meeting his hips with yours as you both whine. You feel a strong hand between your shoulder blades, Benny’s voice husky in your ear.

“Bend over for me, sweetheart. I wanna be inside you too. That ok?”

You nod, letting the force of his hand push you forward, leaning over to kiss Joel. His hands come up to cup your face, cradling your jaw. You hear Benny pop his finger out of his mouth and feel him press at your other hole, massaging it gently before he slowly pushes his finger in to his first knuckle. You whine into Joel’s mouth, feeling Benny letting you adjust before he pushes in further. This time you break the kiss, mouth hanging open as you cry out, pleasure radiating out across your body. He slides his finger out, feeling you grip him as if trying to hold him inside. He pushes inside of you again and Joel watches your face contort in pleasure, mouth open in an “o” shape as Benny pushes in and out of you, cautiously adding a second finger before repeating his preparations. He gently pumps in and out of you, making sure you’re ok the entire time.

“I think you’re ready for me, sweetheart.”

He quickly wipes his finger on a cloth before settling behind you, Joel spreading his legs wider to give Benny more room. Joel thrusts into you hard once and stills, nodding at Benny. You feel his head pressing at you, hesitating for a moment before he slowly pushes in.

“Oh fuckfuckfuck!” you pant out, feeling every inch of Benny as he continues to slowly inch inside of you, letting out his own grunts along the way. When he bottoms out, his hips against your ass, your head hits Joel’s chest and you cry into it, feeling stretched and full.

“Fuck you’re so tight, sweetheart. Shit.”

He slowly pulls out of you and you beg him to come back, unable to stand the loss of his weight, his presence, inside of you. He chuckles lowly and slides back in, repeating the process a few times to make sure you’re ok and ready for him to set a pace.

Once Benny starts to move, Joel moves too and you cry, feeling both of them hitting all of your spots at nearly the same time. Benny grabs one of your hips and Joel grabs the other, digging their fingers into you as they both fuck you. Several thrusts later, you feel a strong hand grab your jaw, turning your head.

“Think you can take me, darlin’?” Will looks down at your tear streaked, lust blown face, his eyes darkened with his own desire.

“Please,” you pant out, unable to form actual words. You open your mouth and Will gets the hint, moving into a stable position. You lick at suck at him before he pushes into your mouth, grunting as he bottoms out. He grabs the back of your head and looks down at you for confirmation, making sure you were ok. You give him a wink and suck a little harder, running your tongue along the length of him. He moans as he pulls out, pushing back into your waiting mouth and setting his typical rough pace, holding back slightly because it’s your mouth.

You’ve never felt so deliciously, deliriously full. All 3 of the men you cared about most inside you at the same time. It made you feel powerful and sexy, these grown men, your men, shifting their own positions to make sure that you were getting pleasure from this too. And fuck were you getting pleasure. It seemed like every part of you was alight with it, someone pulling out while another pushes in, tapping at several places at once, skin gliding and slapping against skin as the sounds you all were making echoed across the room. You managed to slide a hand over to Will’s knee and tap it, Will sliding out of you and hovering in front of your lips.

“Come for me, boys,” you pant out the last word and quickly take Will back into your mouth, swirling your tongue around him while he slides fully into you.

You feel all of their hips starting to sputter, their breathing and grunts speeding up and your dam breaks, your release jolting through you and extending out to all of them as they all come. Joel’s hips thrust into yours sloppily as he comes, grunting out his higher pitched moans as he coats your inside. Benny slams his hips against your ass, digging his fingers into your cheeks as he spurts into you, his head thrown back and jaw open. Will’s hips had a few hard thrusts left in them as he comes into your mouth, gripping the back of your head and pulling your hair as he groans. For a few moments, no one moves, everyone breathing heavily as they come down.

“Shit darlin’. I’m sorry,” Will nearly whispers as he slides out of your mouth, moving to grab a cloth as you take deep breaths. He dabs at your mouth, cleaning you off before he plants a quick kiss to your lips, nipping at your nose as he moves to grab another cloth. He tosses one to Benny and one to Joel, who nod their thanks. You rest the side of your head on Joel’s bare chest, watching as Will pulls on a pair of boxers and walks out of the room, his explanation of “Waters!” spoken over his shoulder. Benny pulls out next and you whine at the loss of him, feeling a cloth being pressed to you as he gently cleans you up and places a kiss on your lower back. Benny walksto the door and yells after Will, still completely naked, yelling “We need snacks too, William!”

Managing to pick your head up, you meet the chocolate eyes of Joel, heavy with love as he gazes down at you. You make a move to sit up, but he locks his arms around you, holding you to him for a few moments.

“You gonna stay in there all day, Joel?” you chuckle.

“I was thinkin’ about it.” He smiles as you brush the hair from his forehead and let your fingers trace his features, ending by cupping his face.

“How do you feel, Joel? Was this all…ok?”

He sighs and brings his hand up to the back of yours, squeezing it. “I’ll admit I wasn’t sure about this when we started. But, angel, that was…so fuckin’ hot… I’m kickin’ myself for not joinin’ sooner.”

“Well, we have plenty of time for whatever you desire.”

He kisses you softly before groaning as he pushes at you gently, giving you the signal to lift off of him. You do and the both of you whine, missing the feel of the other. You lay down feeling hollow, empty without them. Joel lays down next to you and pulls you to his side, letting you nuzzle into him. His chest rumbles as he starts to stroke the arm you’d thrown over his chest.

“I love you, angel.”

“I love you too, Joel.”

“SNACK TIME!” Benny bursts into the room still butt naked, and bounces over to the bed, jumping onto it on all fours. Laughter erupts from your mouth as Joel swears at Benny.

“Put fuckin’ some pants on, bro! I don’t want to see that!”

“Then stop lookin’! I know other people in this room appreciate my body.” He winks at you as more laughter pours from your mouth, tears pooling at the corners of your eyes as you slap his chest.

“Ok, ok stop, I can’t breathe!”

Benny joins in with your laughter, moving off the bed and helping you to sit up. You pull on your dress and throw Benny’s underwear at him, hitting him squarely in the face. Joel joins in the laughter now, watching as Benny waggles his eyebrows at you, brandishing his boxers and doing a corny seductive dance as he puts them on, hopping around the room on one foot. Once you’re all dressed, you join Will in the kitchen, where a small meal had been set out. The 4 of you eat and chat, having a great time and you think to yourself how lucky you are to have found 3 people in this broken world that care for you as much as you do them.

—----

One year later…

Will walks in the front door, kicking off his boots and joining you and Benny at the kitchen table where you were playing cards. He takes your cards as you move to get him a drink, letting him know dinner will be ready in about an hour.

The 3 of you sit to eat when Joel comes in, an odd look on his face. He mimics Will, kicking off his boots and hanging his coat up before entering the kitchen where you’ve already set down a bowl of stew and a drink for him. Joel walks up and pulls you to him, giving you a quick kiss and a whispered “Thank you” before sitting down, taking a couple bites of food before speaking.

“I was offered a..mission of sorts today.”

The three of you turn to look at him, giving Joel your undivided attention.

“Oh yeah? How far this time?” Will asks.

Joel rubs the back of his neck. “That’s the thing. I would be gone for…at least a year, probably more. Granted, that’s if all goes well.”

You all stare at him, frozen in your actions.

“Over a year?” You ask, worry and dislike lacing your words.

Joel meets your eyes. “Yeah. It’s…pretty important. Tess said it has to be me. But-” he looks at each of you in turn. “-I don’t want to be away from you all for that long, especially considering there’s a strong probability I wouldn’t…come back.”

“Absolutely not, Joel.” You find your words first, Will and Benny voicing their agreements.

“Angel, this is important.”

“You’re important, Joel. To me. To us. What is so important that you’d be willing to risk that?”

He sighs. “There’s a..girl. She needs to get out of the city and to…the Fireflies.”

You all swear, Will slamming his fist down on the table.

“BUT-” Joel raises his voice, putting his hands in the air. “-I want you all to come with me.”

That shut you up.

“What do you mean? Leave Boston?” Benny asks.

Joel nods. “Exactly. I know we have good lives here but I can’t leave with the very likely chance I won’t see any of you again. And honestly, I need you. All of you.” His eyes linger on your face, blown wide like a puppy.

Silence for a bit, but you’re the first to break it.

“Why is she so important?”

Joel watches you for a moment, internally debating with himself. “Tess said she’s got the potential for a cure. For this.” He gestures around vaguely, but you all know what he’s talking about.

You glance at Benny and Will, reading their expressions and seeing they match your own. As much as you don’t want to be over the wall, you admit that the idea of being outside again thrills you, and a change of scenery? A way to get out of dreary Boston? And still be with your boys?

“When do we leave?”

—----

General Taglist:

@frankie-catfish-morales @chaoticgeminate @janebby @astoryisaloveaffair @balekanemohafe @softpedropascal @greeneyedblondie44 @hoeforthefictional @marvelousmermaid @hauntedmama @giuliarogers-blog @icanbeyourjedi @diaryofkali @sunnshineeexoxo @livingmydreams13 @adventures-of-a-noodle @sara-alonso @theewokingdead @punkerthanpascal @giggly-otter @f0rever15elf @phandoz @dirtytissuebox @jadore-andor @gallowsjoker @lovesbiggerthanpride @sarahmilesbendrix @booksarekindaneat @mrsudontknowme @swol-bear @charlispersonallyhell @xoxabs88xox @amneris21 @gooddaykate @alindeluce @avengers-fixation @paintballkid711 @harriedandharassed

Joel Miller Taglist:

@spanishmossmagnolia @xowlan @rosechvnel @maievdenoir @itspdameronthings @hb8301

Meet the Millers Taglist:

@miraclesabound @coco-pebbles @evergreenriver @wildmoonflower @harriedandharassed

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warriorsfireandwater · 3 years

Text

Warriors Analysis 2: A Breakdown of the Crow/Night/Breeze Family Dynamic

I said I would do it, so here we are. The big doozy. For this one, I’m going to putting all of the sourced scenes in a linked google doc, because I just don’t want to make this post a million miles long. Instead, for this post, I will sum up all of the conclusions made after reviewing every scene involving the family from Po3 through OotS, with other relevant information from other books included.

Context of this one: I’ve watched (and participated in) a lot of debate over this family. Just about every single argument I’ve seen tends to:

1) rely on a person’s opinion of a character overall to how they feel about the family (”I found Nightcloud annoying” often goes along with “Nightcloud is equally bad of a parent” or “Breezepelt was a bad person so I don’t sympathize with him in the family situation”)

2) misremember canon

3) rely on a person’s headcanons of what actually happened to shape their judgement of the family (”Nightcloud spoiled Breezepelt and told him Crowfeather is bad” when there are zero canon scenes of this happening)

Some ground rules: I’m relying on breaking down the canon scenes in the books. I am NOT inserting my own thoughts or beliefs as to what happened behind the scenes. If there’s anything bordering on that (”this behavior implies X”), it’ll be clearly stated that it’s an interpretation. I ask that if you want to comment or debate this analysis that you do the same. People’s headcanons shaping how they remember the family is the thing that frustrated me enough to spend hours digging this up. As a personal request, please don’t use this post to say “Nightcloud still sucks and I hate her”/”Breezepelt still sucks and I hate him”/”neglect isn’t abuse” - the latter is definitively incorrect and is upsetting to hear as a survivor of abuse. “X character still is bad” just takes away from the point of this - which is not to say “Breezepelt is a good person”, but PURELY to breakdown the family dynamic. With that out of the way, let’s GO:

After looking at literally every scene involving Breezepelt, Crowfeather, and Nightcloud and analyzing the ones that involve or mention them as a family, here’s some key points. The scenes that back these points up are included and detailed in this doc.

Breezepaw is introduced to us as a bit aggressive and rude, and his mentor, Whitetail, wishes to Crowfeather that she would teach him manners (earning her no response from him)

We first properly see Nightcloud during the dog attack in The Sight, when Breezepaw returns from checking the barrier. Breezepaw reports that there is no damage, and Crowfeather immediately questions if he actually checked all the way around. Breezepaw tells him “Of course!”, and Nightcloud says that Crowfeather should trust his son more.

This suggests Nightcloud is ready to defend Breezepaw whenever. However, as ThunderClan is leaving, Breezepaw mutters that WindClan can manage on their own. Nightcloud immediately scolds him and compliments Lionpaw for saving Heatherpaw during the battle.

Later, at the daylight Gathering, Lionpaw and Breezepaw are buried underground. Crowfeather and Nightcloud help dig them out, and Breezepaw is not breathing when he comes out. Jaypaw has to pull dirt out of his throat to save his life.

Leafpool says to Crowfeather that she would “give [her] last drop of blood to save [his kit]”. Nightcloud sharply retorts that “our kit was lucky that Jaypaw was here”.

Nightcloud carries Breezepaw away from the scene “like a kit”. Crowfeather offers to help, but she carries him on her own. She does not push him away/force him away/shout at him, she literally just chooses to carry him. Nightcloud spends the rest of the daylight Gathering curled around Lionpaw and Breezepaw and keeping them resting.

We learn these things from the Sight: Breezepaw and Crowfeather seem to have a tense relationship, but that isn’t fully developed. Nightcloud is willing to defend him from Crowfeather’s doubts, but notably does not defend him when he acts like a punk in front of her. She is bothered by Leafpool’s comment about giving her life for Breezepaw (which I personally find pretty reasonable to be bothered by), but counters by giving her gratitude to Jaypaw. She wants to carry Breezepaw after he nearly dies, but isn’t pushing Crowfeather away or denying him anything like many people claim.

In Dark River, Crowfeather encourages Breezepaw’s bias against ThunderClan, telling him that they “celebrate mixed blood” in a tone that implies it as a negative thing. (It seems implied he does this to get to Leafpool, who is upset by his comment.)

Jaypaw is able to feel Nightcloud’s jealous emotions on a few occasions, but she actually never says anything to Leafpool or Crowfeather about it.

In Outcast, Crowfeather is called to go on the journey to the Tribe. Onestar tells him to take Breezepaw, who has gotten in trouble a few times. Breezepaw makes it very plain he doesn’t want to go and worries that his Clanmates are just trying to get rid of him. Crowfeather wants to go, but “sighs” over the idea of taking Breezepaw. To me, he comes off as disinterested and possibly disappointed that he has to bring him. Crowfeather snaps at Breezepaw for asking to say goodbye to his friends, saying “There isn’t time!” even though literally no one is rushing them to leave. Nightcloud comes to say goodbye, but Crowfeather is distant and doesn’t respond to her.

Throughout Outcast, each POV character has at least one (if not many) moments where they think about Crowfeather/Breezepaw and feel pity for Breezepaw, despite really hating him. Hollypaw especially thinks often about how she appreciates Brambleclaw for encouraging and supporting her, and the apprentices all seem to realize that Breezepaw is angry because his father “doesnt seem to like him”.

When questioning why they have to help the tribe, Crowfeather just tells Breezepaw “You’ll never understand loyalty.”

When they run into Purdy, Breezepaw is pretty rude to him. Crowfeather doesn’t interrupt a single time throughout multiple insults, then reacts by hitting him across the ear without saying anything, which is noted as “a hard blow”.

Breezepaw nearly dies falling off into a ravine after thinking he’s discovered a faster way. Crowfeather pulls him back and snaps at him, expressing no concern for his life. In Eclipse, Crowfeather pointedly does not compliment Breezepaw’s catch of the rabbit, which angers Breezepaw.

During the reveal of Leaf/Crow in the last book, Breezepelt and Nightcloud stand by Crow’s side and don’t publicly turn on him or say anything against him.

This journey gives us a lot of insight into Crow and Breeze’s dynamic. Breezepaw is pretty obviously a little punk throughout this book, but Crowfeather has no healthy way of communicating with him or discipling him. Instead, he snaps at him, hits him, or ignores him, all of which just feeds into Breezepaw’s anger. Nightcloud is not present for any of this and has no way of controlling their interactions here, which could have been a perfect opportunity for Crowfeather to build a relationship with his son if it were true that Night had prevented this.

Breezepelt shows up in Fading Echoes, training in the Dark forest. A few things are made explicit: he is being manipulated by the Dark Forest and Tigerstar’s words have an almost hypnotic effect on him. The cats present egg him on against Crowfeather, feeding into his belief that Crow does not value him. (Side note, I find it really interesting that in this book, Breezepelt has notable value in the warrior code [which encourages his hate towards Crow] and the DF cats encourage this, saying it is “strong” in his blood. Next time we see him, though, he wants to destroy it.)

Flametail randomly thinks about Breezepelt’s family while spending time with Tawnypelt, feeling glad he has nicer kin.

We get the infamous scene where Lion and Breeze fight. Breeze and Crow were both trespassing on ThunderClan territory and Lion caught the prey Breezepelt was about to catch. He intentionally eggs Breezepelt into a fight (rather than just attacking him himself). Leafpool interrupts, asking how Crow can watch this. Nightcloud then shows up and insists Crowfeather has only one son. Leafpool jumps in between them as Breezepelt is leaping for Lionblaze, and she gets clawed. Crowfeather hauls him off and throws him aside, then keeps talking to Leafpool, who tells him she loved him.

Nightcloud then comes over and pulls Crowfeather away from Leafpool. She sinks her claws into his pelt to do this. However, it’s worth noting that this scene contains MANY references to blood every time claws come out - she does not draw blood and he does not express any signal of pain. It’s likely she used her claws only as a means of holding onto him, not to cause him harm. Crowfeather turns on him, and Breezepelt wails before getting between them, telling Crowfeather to leave his mother alone.

Nightcloud doesn’t react rationally in this scene - but neither does any character. Lionblaze is an ass, Breezepelt is an ass, Crowfeather is an ass, and Leafpool is still walking around making declarations of her former love in front of Crowfeather’s wife.

Nightcloud is one of the cats to react rudely to Hollyleaf’s return, but she doesn’t directly attack/challenge her. (This is actually the last time we see Nightcloud.)

The final meaningful scene is in The Last Hope, when Breezepelt fights Lionblaze. Crowfeather intervenes and says he will not allow Breezepelt to hurt him. Breezepelt retorts he always knew Crowfeather hated him, which Crow denies.

“I never hated you!” Crowfeather growled. “That’s just what you were determined to believe. And Nightcloud encouraged you.”

“It’s not her fault!” Breezepelt spat.

“No,” Crowfeather hissed. “I should have done something much earlier...”

This is the first and only time this is blamed on Nightcloud. This is the only indication we have that this could be true.

Some other notable things:

Crowfeather took Nightcloud as a mate to prove his loyalty, not out of love. (This is said in After Sunset: We need to talk)

The Ultimate Guide also confirms the above, but is a questionable source given the many errors included in it. It states that Crowfeather resents Nightcloud (for not being Leafpool), and that Nightcloud coddled Breezepelt. However, the latter is never shown in the story (and the opposite is actually shown when she scolds him).

In Crowfeather’s Trial, Crowfeather is pushed to recognize his anger towards his son and apologize for his behavior towards him and Nightcloud. Even in an entire book from Crow’s perspective (which provides opportunity for memories, flashbacks, etc), there is no indication that Nightcloud actually pushed Breezepelt to hate Crowfeather. There’s a throwaway mention that Crowfeather was too strict or too rough with Breezepelt as a kit, but it’s never actually said that Nightcloud told him this/kept him away/etc. (IE: it’s impossible to say if Nightcloud screamed this at him or asked him once to be gentle. We just don’t know!)

With all this said, here’s my take on the dynamic:

Crowfeather was a neglectful father and an inconsiderate mate. The only scene we get where he seems to actually get along with Breezepaw is when he is encouraging him to dislike ThunderClan by feeding into hatred for “mixed blood” cats. In all other scenes, he: 1) ignores his bad behavior, 2) is unnecessarily harsh to him or dismissive of him, 3) questions and undermines him, 4) does not have healthy ways of addressing his poor behavior (IE, he ignores and turns away from him rather than discussing it when all the apprentices are in trouble and the other warriors are scolding them, he flat-out hits Breezepaw at one point after saying nothing to intervene in his rudeness), and 5) blames Nightcloud for their bad relationship. Crowfeather is provided plenty of opportunities to interact with Breezepaw while Nightcloud isn’t present (in fact, Nightcloud shows up very little - most scenes of the family have just Breeze and Crow, there are many books where Nightcloud isn’t even mentioned).

Nightcloud was literally just being a normal mom and was often pushed to feeling jealous around Leafpool, often because Leafpool doesn’t have any boundaries around hinting about loving Crowfeather for some reason. I was actually really shocked by how... absolutely fuckin brazen Leafpool is 24/7 about waltzing up to Crowfeather while his wife is standing right there and going “just so you know......... i miss you........... i’d give my life for you......” It’s just WEIRD. IMO, it’s pretty damn reasonable for that to make Nightcloud irritated! Most of the time, she never actually voices her jealousy, we just know about it because of Jaypaw’s ability. When she does, it’s sometimes done by complimenting someone else or giving credit to another cat, like when Jaypaw saves Breezepaw. There is zero text in the story supporting the idea that Nightcloud was overbearing or that she spoiled him: we have TWO SCENES where she has character moments around this. In the first, she is defending him from Crowfeather’s doubt, and in the second, she is scolding him for being ungrateful to ThunderClan for their help.

Breezepelt was a kid that grew up feeling unloved, unappreciated, and angry and resentful as a result. The Dark Forest, not Nightcloud, fed into this belief, but we also have a whole lot of scenes that show why that feeling of resentment towards Crowfeather is there to begin with.

The final hot take: If you believe Nightcloud ‘spoiled’ Breezepelt or that she was ‘overbearing and possessive’, you need to reread Po3 and OotS. It’s just not there.

(Bonus: I love Leafpool but god, girl, you need to read a room.)

#warrior cats #warrior cats analysis #crowfeather #breezepelt #nightcloud

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fatliberation · 3 years

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I’m Abandoning Body Positivity and Here’s Why

In short: it’s fatphobic.

“A rallying cry for a shift in societal norms has now become the skinny girl’s reassurance that she isn’t really fat. Fatness, through this lens of ‘body positivity’, remains the worst thing a person can be.” (Kayleigh Donaldson)

• • •

I have always had a lot of conflicting opinions about the body positivity movement, but it’s much more widely known (and accepted, go figure) than the fat liberation movement, so I often used the two terms interchangeably in conversation about anti-fatness. But the longer I’ve been following the body positivity movement, the more I’ve realized how much it has strayed from its fat lib origins. It has been hijacked; deluded to center thin, able, white, socially acceptable bodies.

Bopo’s origins are undoubtedly grounded in fat liberation. The fat activists of the 1960s paved the way for the shred of size acceptance we see in media today, initially protesting the discrimination and lack of access to equal opportunities for fat people specifically. This early movement highlighted the abuse, mental health struggles, malpractice in the medical field, and called for equal pay, equal access, equal respect, an end to fatphobic structures and ideas. It saddens me that it hasn’t made much progress in those regards.

Today, the #bopo movement encapsulates more the idea of loving your own body versus ensuring that individuals regardless of their weight and appearance are given equal opportunities in the workplace, schools, fashion and media. Somehow those demands never made it outside of the ‘taboo’ category, and privileged people would much more readily accept the warm and fuzzy, sugar-coated message of “love yourself!” But as @yrfatfriend once said, this idea reduces fat people’s struggles to a problem of mindset, rather than a product of external oppressors that need to be abolished in order for fat people to live freely.

That generalized statement, “love yourself,” is how a movement started by fat people for the rights of fat people was diluted so much, it now serves a thin model on Instagram posting about how she has a tummy roll and cellulite on her thighs - then getting praised for loving her body despite *gasp!* its minor resemblance to a fat body.

Look. Pretty much everyone has insecurities about their bodies, especially those of us who belong to marginalized groups. If you don’t have body issues, you’re a privileged miracle, but our beauty-obsessed society has conditioned us to want to look a certain way, and if we have any features that the western beauty standard considers as “flaws,” yeah! We feel bad about it! So it’s not surprising that people who feel bad about themselves would want to hop on a movement that says ‘hey, you’re beautiful as you are!’ That’s a message everyone would like to hear. Any person who has once thought of themselves as less than beautiful now feels that this movement is theirs. And everyone has insecurities, so everyone feels entitled to the safe space. And when a space made for a minority includes the majority, the cycle happens again and the majority oppresses the minority. What I’m trying to explain here is that thin people now feel a sense of ownership over body positive spaces.

Regardless of how badly thin people feel about their bodies, they still experience thin privilege. They can sit down in a theater or an airplane without even thinking about it, they can eat in front of others without judgement, they can go the doctor with a problem and actually have it fixed right away, they can find cute clothes in their size with ease, they do not suffer from assumptions of laziness/failure based on stereotype, they see their body type represented everywhere in media, the list goes on and on. They do not face discrimination based off of the size of their body.

Yet diet culture and fatphobia affects everyone, and of course thin people do still feel bad about the little fat they have on their bodies. But the failure to examine WHY they feel bad about it, is what perpetuates fatphobia within the bopo movement. They’re labeled “brave” for showing a pinch of chub, yet fail to address what makes it so acceptably daring, and how damaging it is to people who are shamed for living in fat bodies. Much like the rest of society, thin body positivity is still driven by the fear of fat, and does nothing to dismantle fatphobia within structures or within themselves.

Evette Dionne sums it up perfectly in her article, “The Fragility of Body Positivity: How a Radical Movement Lost Its Way.”

“The body-positive media economy centers these affirming, empowering, let-me-pinch-a-fat-roll-to-show-how-much-I-love-myself stories while failing to actually challenge institutions to stop discriminating against fat people. More importantly, most of those stories center thin, white, cisgender, heterosexual women who have co-opted the movement to build their brands. Rutter has labeled this erasure ‘Socially Acceptable Body Positivity.’

“On social media, it actually gets worse for fat bodies: We’re not just being erased from body positivity, fat women are being actively vilified. Health has become the stick with which to beat fat people with [sic], and the benchmark for whether body positivity should include someone” (Dionne).

Ah, yes. The medicalization of fat bodies, and the moralization of health. I’ve ranted about this before. Countless comments on posts of big women that say stuff like “I’m all for body positivity, but this is just unhealthy and it shouldn’t be celebrated.” I’ve heard writer/activist Aubrey Gordon once say that body positivity has become something like a shield for anti-fatness. It’s anti-fatness that has been repackaged as empowerment. It’s a striking double-standard. Fat people are told to be comfortable in their bodies (as if that’s what’s going to fix things) but in turn are punished when they’re okay with being fat. Make it make sense.

Since thin people feel a sense of ownership over body positive spaces, and they get to hide behind “health” when they are picking and choosing who can and cannot be body positive, they base it off of who looks the most socially acceptable. And I’m sure they aren’t consciously picking and choosing, it comes from implicit bias. But the socially acceptable bodies they center are small to medium fat, with an hourglass shape. They have shaped a new beauty standard specifically FOR FAT PEOPLE. (Have you ever seen a plus sized model with neck fat?? I’m genuinely asking because I have yet to find one!) The bopo movement works to exclude and silence people who are on the largest end of the weight spectrum.

Speaking of exclusion, let’s talk about fashion for a minute.

For some reason, (COUGH COUGH CAPITALISM) body positivity is largely centered around fashion. And surprise surprise, it’s still not inclusive to fat people. Fashion companies get a pat on the back for expanding their sizing two sizes up from what they previously offered, when they are still leaving out larger fat people completely. In general, clothing companies charge more for clothes with more fabric, so people who need the largest sizes are left high and dry. It’s next to impossible to find affordable clothes that also look nice. Fashion piggybacks on the bopo movement as a marketing tactic, and exploits the very bodies it claims to be serving. (Need I mention the time Urban Outfitters used a "curvy” model to sell a size it doesn’t even carry?)

The movement also works to exclude and silence fat Black activists.

In her article, “The Body Positivity Movement Both Takes From and Erases Fat Black Women” Donyae Coles explains how both white people and thin celebrities such as Jameela Jamil profit from the movement that Black women built.

“Since long before blogging was a thing, fat Black women have been vocal about body acceptance, with women like Sharon Quinn and Marie Denee, or the work of Sonya Renee Taylor with The Body Is Not An Apology. We’ve been out here, and we’re still here, but the overwhelming face of the movement is white and thin because the mainstream still craves it, and white and thin people have no problem with profiting off the work of fat, non-white bodies.”

“There is a persistent belief that when thin and/or white people enter the body positive realm and begin to repeat the messages that Black women have been saying for years in some cases, when they imitate the labor that Black women have already put in that we should be thankful that they are “boosting” our message. This completely ignores the fact that in doing so they are profiting off of that labor. They are gaining the notoriety, the mark of an expert in something they learned from an ignored Black woman” (Coles).

My next essay will go into detail about this and illuminate key figures who paved the way for body acceptance in communities of color.

The true purpose of this movement has gotten completely lost. So where the fuck do we go from here?

We break up with it, and run back to the faithful ex our parents disapproved of. We go back to the roots of the fat liberation movement, carved out for us by the fat feminists, the queer fat activists, the fat Black community, and the allies it began with. Everything they have preached since the 1960s and 70s is one hundred percent applicable today. We get educated. We examine diet culture through a capitalist lens. We tackle thin, white-supremacist systems and weight based discrimination, as well as internalized bias. We challenge our healthcare workers to unlearn their bias, treat, and support fat patients accordingly. We make our homes and spaces accessible and welcoming to people of any size, or any (dis)ability. “We must first protect and uplift people in marginalized bodies, only then can we mandate self-love” (Gordon).

Think about it. In the face of discrimination, mistreatment, and emotional abuse, we as a society are telling fat people to love their bodies, when we should be putting our energy toward removing those fatphobic ideas and structures so that fat people can live in a world that doesn’t require them to feel bad about their bodies. It’s like hitting someone with a rock and telling them not to bruise!

While learning to love and care for the body that you’re in is important, I think that body positivity also fails in teaching that because it puts even more emphasis on beauty. Instead of saying, “you don’t have to be ‘beautiful’ to be loved and appreciated,” its main lesson is that “all bodies are beautiful.” We live in a society obsessed with appearance, and it is irresponsible to ignore the hierarchy of beauty standards that exist in every space. Although it should be relative, “beautiful” has been given a meaning. And that meaning is thin, abled, symmetric, and eurocentric.

Beauty and ugliness are irrelevant, made-up constructs. People will always be drawn to you no matter what, so you deserve to exist in your body without struggling to conform to an impossible and bigoted standard. Love and accept your body for YOURSELF AND NO ONE ELSE, because you do not exist to please the eyes of other people. That’s what I wish we were teaching instead. Radical self acceptance!

As of today, the ultimate message of the body positivity movement is: Love your body “despite its imperfections.” Or people with “perfect and imperfect bodies both deserve love.” As long as we are upholding the notion that there IS a perfect body that looks a certain way, and every body that falls outside of that category is imperfect, we are upholding white supremacy, eugenics, anti-fatness, and ableism.

#body positivity #bopo #body posi #body positive #body acceptance #fat acceptance #fat activism #fat liberation #anti fatness #anti blackness #anti fat bias #lookism #beauty standards #self acceptance

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milkybonya · 3 years

Text

our dawn is hotter than day

order 020, anon: large coconut* milk tea with red bean and fresh taro

*Our dawn is hotter than day by SEVENTEEN

Warnings: possible grammatical mistakes because i did not edit this :c

Summary: Hyunsuk meets you at a fansign, meets you again after you leave your bracelet there... and well... things go from there ^.^ song lyrics from Our dawn is hotter than day by svt are embedded throughout the fic, since anon asked me to base the fic on that song :o

word count: 1k+

[taglist]: @rutosruru-world + @ravenori ♡ fill out form to be added!

[a/n]: WRITING THIS WAS SO FUN!! like actually it was a lot of fun <3 also stan svt for clear skin y'all,, i love this song sm

Our night is in between

The countless stars and sad

When your friend tells you they won a treasure fansign and has no one to go with... of course you go along with them, being the great and kind friend that you are. You pat their back as they have about 4 mental breakdowns when the day comes, help them choose an outfit to wear and some gifts for the members, and hug them tightly on the bus ride there.

You're not really nervous as you don't know what to expect, but your friend definitely is. They hold your hand tightly and shake while rambling the whole way there. It makes you smile, seeing how excited they are.

Still tightly holding hands, the two of you enter the venue and find your seats, staring at the long table on the stage with 12 chairs behind it.

"I'm so excited I could die! When they walk up there.. oh my God I bet they glow in person," you friend tells you.

"Am I going to have to go say hi to them too? I feel bad, you should have found a teume and given them your spare ticket," you say.

Your friend lightly slaps your arm.

"Don't feel bad! Didn't you say you like Hyunsuk? Every time you watch their mvs when I show you, you always say you love his voice. You should go up there and tell him!"

"Well alright," you say, starting to feel a bit nervous now.

You don't even have time to think, though, as they walk up to their table a few moments later. Everyone starts cheering and you wince at the loud sound, not being used to it. You try to cheer along too and act enthusiastic, but all the screaming is bothering you.

Your friend knows how you feel and they tightly hold your hand, giving you a hug.

"Thank you for coming even though I know you hate when it's loud like this," they tell you.

You smile and squeeze their hand.

Once the fansign begins, you listen to your friend as they rehearse everything they want to tell the members, reminding them of what they want to say each time they forget something. Before you know it, it's your friend's turn, and you follow-up soon after.

The faraway moonlight

Becomes our light

You sit in front of one of a member whose name you aren't aware of, so after he asks you for your name so he can sign it on the album, you also ask for his.

"I'm Junghwan... do you not know me?" he asks, surprised.

"Ah, I'm sorry, my friend wanted me to come along with them and I'm not too familiar with all the members, so..."

"Oh, that's okay! Well, I'm Junghwan. Jeongwoo next to me is really ugly, if you ever start listening to treasure, don't pick him as your bias, okay? Pick me!" Junghwan says, laughing and signing your album.

Jeongwoo hears him and slaps his shoulder.

Once you talk to Jeongwoo, you tell him that he's actually really pretty, then Jeongwoo rubs that in Junghwan's face, who is sad that you didn't call him pretty.

Hyunsuk is the last member you talk to - apparently they put the members in order of youngest to oldest even though they usually do oldest to youngest.

Hyunsuk greets you with a big smile and extends out his hand to you.

"[y/n], right? Nice to meet you!" he says.

You're shocked that he knows your name.

"Ah, your friend who was talking to me told me a lot about you. You don't know treasure well but you know me, right? I'm your favourite?" Hyunsuk urges, winking at you.

"I do like your raps, your voice tone is really unique and your rap flows really well," you explain.

Hyunsuk smirks and brushes off his shoulders enthusiastically, thanking you for all the praise.

"Thank you so much! It's an honour to be your favourite member. What kind of music do you listen to?"

When you explain, he nods along and stares at you so intently that you feel appreciated, even though he's the idol here! He responds with so much energy, singing a couple of lines from a song by an artist you love.

"We're actually super compatible because I love those artists, too," Hyunsuk explains.

"I get a lot of inspiration from them when I write."

"Really? I'll look forward to your works in the future then!" you say, feeling giddy.

"Wow, really? I'm honoured! I'll work hard for you, [y/n]!" Hyunsuk says with a smile, handing you the album he's signed.

As you stand up in a rush, you don't notice that the handmade bracelet you were wearing is not around your wrist anymore. You were fumbling with it so much that it slid off onto the table, and you forgot to pick it up.

The blowing breeze

Lets me go to you

Hyunsuk only notices the bead bracelet with your name on it after the fansign event is already over. Feeling sad that you left without it, he holds it in his hands. But now he's glad, cause he'll never forget your name. It's written on the bracelet in bead lettering, [y/n].

"[y/n], [y/n], [Y/N]!!!!" your friend yells, racing to your room.

Being their roommate was just a little frustrating sometimes with how loud they were.

"What is it?" you ask, looking up from your computer at your friend in your doorway.

"Hyunsuk.... he posted on sns and he's holding your bracelet!"

"My... what?" you ask, jumping up to look at your friend's phone.

Sure enough, he's holding the bracelet in his hand with a smile, and the twitter caption reads: "dear teumes, one of you left this bracelet at the fansign 2 days ago. if you contact us, we will return it back to you! #[y/n]mustbeyourname #dear[y/n]pleasecomecollectyourbracelet"

"WHAT? How did I leave my bracelet there?" you ask, instinctively rubbing your wrist.

Your friend shakes their head at you and pats your shoulder.

"You're clumsy, that's how. Now... you need to DM them to get that bracelet! I made it for you and I'm not going to let you lose it that easily."

"Will they really reply? They probably get thousands of DMs every second..." you point out, still pulling out your phone and opening twitter nonetheless.

"C'mon just do it! Or I won't be your friend anymore," your friend tells you.

"You can't threaten me with that, anymore. We've been friends for too long for that to work on me."

Your friend pouts as you open up treasure's account to DM them.

you: hello! i am [y/n] and i left my bracelet behind... how do i retrieve it from you?

You turn your phone off and throw it on your bed, not expecting a reply, but almost immediately, it vibrates.

You and your friend lock eyes, both reaching for it.

treasure: hello, [y/n]! this is Hyunsuk ^^; well... i have actually received a lot of DMs from people claiming to be you... but i'm unsure of what kind of proof i should ask for

"Oh my God.... Hyunsuk... himself replied? YOU'RE TALKING TO HYUNSUK RIGHT NOW?!" your friend screams, shaking your shoulders.

"Please calm down," you tell your friend, despite your own heart racing in your chest.

Oh, fuck it, you think, joining them in squealing loudly in your room.

"Okay, okay proof.... first, you can send a photo of you wearing the bracelet," your friend suggests. You both look through your phone galleries to see if you can find something.

Once you do, you send it to Hyunsuk along with a video of you explaining the situation so he knows it isn't some scam or edited photo a sasaeng is sending.

treasure: wahhhh... cute!! okay, thank you [y/n] and i'm sorry for bothering you.. could you come by this café? i can meet you there! and please tell no one about this, or i really won't be able to meet you to give your bracelet back.

"YOU'RE MEETING HIM IN A CAFÉ?" your friend shrieks again, flopping down on your bed.

You shake your head at them, but you would be lying if you said you weren't a bit excited.

After getting lost a few times, you eventually find the café and step inside.

To your surprise, Hyunsuk is already there in a corner, wearing a mask and a baseball cap. Yet you can tell it's him, from the way he's sitting and the clothes he's wearing.

He recognizes you too and stands up, waving you over.

"[y/n], it's so nice to meet you again! Sit, please sit. Do you want anything to drink? What shall I get for you?" he says all of this quickly, as if he's been rehearsing this a million times and is so nervous that he needs to say it all at once.

Swallowing up smiles

With butterflies, baton touch

"No, no, please! Let me get you something since you were so kind to return it to me," you say, standing up and taking out your wallet.

"No, please, let me do this!" Hyunsuk argues, but you know you can't let him do this.

You firmly shake your head.

"I'm sure no teume would let you pay for their drink after all you've done for them, so please let me buy something! If you don't let me, you'd be rejecting my kindness and that would hurt me," you explain.

"Really? Ah, well in that case... Get me anything! I'm sure I'll appreciate your taste."

You walk up to the counter with the only knowledge that Hyunsuk likes bitter coffee. You saw in in a treasure map video that your friend showed you before, so you buy him an iced americano along with a drink for yourself.

When you return with the drinks, Hyunsuk has removed his mask and his grin lights up the dim atmosphere.

"Iced americano?! My favourite! You know me really well for someone who said at the fansign that they aren't a teume," Hyunsuk tells you, thanking you for the drink before taking it.

"Oh, before I forget!" he exclaims, taking the bracelet out of his pocket and handing it to you.

"Right... the whole reason we met up!" you say with a laugh, taking it from him carefully.

Hyunsuk nods but doesn't speak, something else being on his mind.

He asks you questions from thereon, as if you're on a date and he's trying to get to know you. The thing is, he doesn't seem to be asking them just to fill the silence, but genuinely takes interest in your answers, nodding along and responding when he discovers interests that you both share.

His phone then vibrates, and he pouts when he checks it.

"It's my manager calling... I think I have to go. But [y/n]... it was really nice meeting you like this! Hopefully we can meet again soon," he says, standing up.

You stand up too, exchange greetings before parting ways.

As Hyunsuk answers his phone, he tells himself that he'll ask you for your number if fate ever brings you two together again.

"So this is where Hyunsuk asked you to meet? Wow... he has taste, really. This place is so nice!" your friend says, holding onto your arm and looking around at the café.

They had begged you to show them where Hyunsuk brought you, so of course, being the great friend you are, you brought them here.

The faraway light

Becomes our memory

"Where did you sit?" they ask you, immediately walking over to the spot when you show it to them.

"What did he drink?" they ask you.

"Iced americano," you say.

Your friend gives you their card, asking you to buy an iced americano for them and whatever drink you'd like for yourself. Their happiness makes you chuckle, and you happily walk to the counter to make the purchase.

Not on purpose but because of standing closely behind them in line, you overhear the conversation of the people in front of you.

"Yeah, I met them here and they were so nice. I didn't even tell them I like bitter coffee, but they got me an iced americano!"

You smile, being reminded of your encounter with Hyunsuk.

"You did remember to give them the bracelet, right?" the person's friend asks them, and they nod vigorously.

You frown, then. Okay, this sounds very similar to what happened with Hyunsuk and I...

Mustering up all the courage you can, you tap the shoulder of one of the people in front of you. He turns around and the moment your eyes lock, you know it's Hyunsuk.

"[y/n]? You're.... here again?" he asks you, grinning in disbelief.

The boy beside him was... Doyoung? You're starting to get better at recognizing the treasure members!

"This is... that [y/n] that we were talking about?" Doyoung asks Hyunsuk, who nods happily.

He feels as though he's on cloud nine, having met you here after he was just talking about you.

My heart is hotter than day

Just like now, for you

"I'm [y/n], it's nice to meet you," you say to Doyoung, who returns your greeting.

"We technically already met at the fansign, but yes, nice to meet you!" he says, smiling prettily.

"What are you ordering? I'll pay for you!" Hyunsuk offers out of excitement, but you shake your head.

"My friend is offering to pay, so I can't say no to that," you say.

Hyunsuk and Doyoung both laugh in agreement.

Once they make their order, they wait for you to finish, too. When you do, Hyunsuk asks you where you're sitting and if they can join you.

"Ah, I would tell you, but my friend is a huge teume and I'm worried they'll get really excited when they see you and maybe make you uncomfortable," you explain.

Doyoung looks to Hyunsuk for reassurance, but he shakes his head.

"I remember your friend, and they were really kind at the fansign so I'm sure they won't bother us at all!"

You feel excited guiding Doyoung and Hyunsuk to your friend, who is not expecting this in the slightest.

"[y/n], what took you so lo-wait. Hyunsuk? Doyoung? Am I dreaming?" they mumble, rubbing their eyes.

The three of you laugh at your friend.

"Hello! You're not dreaming, we are very much real," Doyoung says, sitting across from your friend.

"[y/n], what's happening? Is this a prank?" your friend asks you, and you shake your head.

"We frequent this café often, so it was coincidence that we met here," Doyoung explains.

While your friend gets lost in a conversation with Doyoung, Hyunsuk begins one with you.

"Well... I can't believe we just met again like this," he says, smiling.

"I know! It's so strange.."

"Ah, I'm nervous to ask this but... I told myself if I met you again, I would ask for your number... so would you mind giving it to me?" Hyunsuk asks.

"Are you sure that's okay?"

Hyunsuk nods.

You put your number in Hyunsuk's phone, your hands shaking slightly.

"I'll be sure to contact you!" Hyunsuk says.

And boy, did he contact you.

When everyone’s asleep, it’s so beautiful

Your smile resembles the moonlight

Your phone was a flood of messages from this boy who was smitten with you after just meeting you three times. Goodnight texts, good morning texts, good afternoon texts, you name it! You received it all from Hyunsuk.

He planned to see you often, even though his schedule was so busy. Meetings with him were unique and meaningful, like attending a one-day painting class and playfully messing up each other's canvases while quietly giggling to avoid being caught by the instructor. Or, you'd just walk by the Han river at night, deeply talking about the thoughts you had stored deeply in your heart. Hyunsuk's hand was always itching to hold yours at that time, but he never wanted to move too quickly.

His confession was tender, thoughtful. In the safety of his dorm room, which he'd recently been inviting you to hang out in, he looked at you in silence for a few moments before speaking, as the two of you sat on the floor of his room.

With tightly held hands, the sun is setting

Only the stars fill up the night sky

As it shines on us

"[y/n]... I have something to tell you," he says, smiling sweetly at you.

You nod, urging him to go on.

"Okay... I'll cut to the chase! I like you, [y/n]. But I know it could be a burden to you, since I'm an idol and dating me won't be easy... but I still want to say I like you. I kind of fell for you at first sight but... ah..." Hyunsuk goes quiet, feeling shy and embarrassed.

You shyly reach for his hand, encouraging him to look up.

"Actually, Hyunsuk... I like you, too. I didn't know if it was okay for me to feel that way and all, with you being an idol... but your words were all the encouragement I needed," you say.

"Really? So... would you be willing... to date me?" Hyunsuk asks, smiling so hard his face was almost as bright as the sun.

You nod, and he pulls you into a hug, warmer than anything you've ever felt before.

Your relationship doesn't change much, still going on fun excursions. The only difference was that now, Hyunsuk would secretly hold your hand, placing it in his pocket and squeezing it lightly as the two of you roamed around shopping centres. You'd wear very subtle couple accessories, like bracelets or rings, or had small keyrings that matched.

I will have you by my side

So I can care for you

And love you

He would openly love you in private, though, holding you to his chest in his dorm room as he sang you a tune he was working on, kissing your head when he thought you had fallen asleep. He'd let you stay the night, offering you his clothes, his bed and his entire body for you to cuddle up into, shielding you from the world, the cold, and all of your problems.

When he woke up to you cooking in the kitchen, he'd smile so hard that his eyes would crease over and he'd bounce around the dorm, bragging to his members about you.

Truly, with you in his life, his dawn was hotter than day. The two of you were alive at night, when you could spend the best of your time together. And Hyunsuk wouldn't change that for the world.

97 notes · View notes

thedeviljudges · 3 years

Text

It’s not that it’s difficult writing character analysis for Yohan bc I keep seeing ppl complain that we’re not doing enough of it objectively.

But consider this: Yohan isn’t just a layered character. He spells himself out to a T and doesn’t try to hide who he is. It’s not that we can’t analyze him, but he’s so clear-cut with his intentions that you’re given everything you need to understand him so concisely without really needing to dissect him further. Is it fun to do that? Yes, but considering this—

As @highflyerwings has pointed out so many times, Yohan is the one consistent characters who has been truthful - has he omitted truths and let people come to their own conclusions? Yes, he has, but that’s different than point-blank lying. He’s never hidden his intentions; I mean hell, he literally told Gaon’s professor in episode 12 exactly who he was and what he was doing when confronted:

See, the thing about Yohan is that he knows how to manipulate words. When the professor was accusing him of corrupting Gaon, he did not admit to it, but omitted it by transferring partial blame on the professor, telling him that he was the reason Gaon got involved in the first place - if he hadn’t told Gaon to spy (as if that’s even honest in and of itself, lol) on Yohan, the associate judge never would’ve found himself in the situation he was in (and an assumed situation because Soohyun didn’t bother asking what actually happened and relayed that back to the professor).

I’m sure there are other poignant moments I’m missing that I could include throughout the show - such as the priest Gaon spoke with assuming kid!Yohan was weird when it turns out Gaon posed the question about Yohan just being lonely and wanting to play with the other kids - but my point here is that yes, we can break down a character analysis for Yohan, but what’s genius about his creation is that he is the most obvious, most exposed character out of everyone. His intentions from the start are clear, and the only thing that is still uncertain is exactly what happened with Isaac and the fire - but even then just from the flashbacks we’ve seen that there’s been omitted parts, which is consistent with his characterization. Was his story an actual lie? Or did he just manipulate his words again? We’ve yet to find out.

But this is also one of the points of his character. Yohan makes no mistake about who he is and what he is. In fact, he goes so far to call himself a monster because he knows what he does and yet chooses to do it anyway. His tactics may not necessarily be Sunah level; it seems he still lives by some amount of personal moral code (even if it is a logical, strategic understanding that x, y and z will get him a negative response, so he doesn’t do it), but he is no stranger to introspection and self-justification based on how he grew up.

And that’s also one of the points of his character because people only see what’s in front of them and what they want to see - Yohan may not be straightforward with saying his exact intentions in a factual, direct sentence, but everything about him from his words, thought process and actions all paint a very clear picture that doesn’t need spelling out.

Soohyun and the professor and two examples of characters that only see what’s in front of them. They use their confirmation bias (”the seeking or interpreting of evidence in ways that are partial to existing beliefs, expectations, or a hypothesis in hand”) to ressasure themselves Yohan’s a monster.

An example of that is the professor blaming Yohan for putting him in the hospital and Gaon defending Yohan by telling him it couldn’t be possible. Instead of listening to Gaon, the professor had his mind made up.

Instead of asking Gaon what happened with the minister, the professor assumed Yohan had corrupted him and got him into this mess, to which Yohan asks the professor:

And it’s because they see what’s in front of them and they only see what they want to see. To some extent, Gaon was the same until Yohan showed him how detrimental assuming can be, that you must actually look and pay attention to more than what’s in front of you because you’ll miss the bigger picture if you don’t.

Yohan is significantly more transparent than anyone else on the show has been. They’ve just chosen not to see him for who he really is - which is well intentioned, even if a little misguided.

The irony is not lost on me when I see posts and/or comments about Yohan and our lack of awareness for who he is, how we’re uwu towards him and dismiss his actions and baby him. He’s already spelled it out for us; half the work’s already been done for us, and there’s no mistaking it. So, I don’t have to spend countless hours trying to figure him out. Instead, I can spend my time coddling him because I can, lmao.

#the devil judge #kang yohan #x #the devil judge meta

84 notes · View notes

kireimarkeu · 3 years

Text

retrouvailles; l.mk

THIS IS A REPOST!!!!

Summary: counting down the days until you finally see your long-distance boyfriend.

Mark is a jerk at one point. Also noticed how I put skype when they were calling through the phone and ft through laptop LOL

word count: 5.7k

Also lets pretend we can use spotify in korea ok

--Day 98

(10:33PM) Cutie: you idiot

(10:33PM) Cutie: answer my call!! You loserrrr

(10:34PM) You: omg give me a second

(10:35PM) You: ffs jshkdmj

(10:35PM) Cutie: omg what are you doing

(10:35PM) Cutie: why are you taking so long

(10:37PM) You: GIVE ME A SECOND

(10:37PM) You: im taking food

You plop onto your bed, placing the plate of grapes on the mattress, resulting in some to topple out of the bowl. You quickly pop one in your mouth before turning on your laptop.

Before you could even call Mark, he was already requesting a facetime with you. You immediately answered.

“Finally,” your boyfriend huffs when the call was finally connected.

You hum, your hands searching for more grapes that has dropped on your bed sheets, popping them in your mouth.

“What are you eating?” he asks.

“Grapes,” your voice came out muffled from chewing, but Mark understands.

“That’s what took you so long?” he frowns, “I can cut a watermelon in 5 seconds,”

“I didn’t ask,” you bite back.

Your boyfriend automatically raises his hand to flash his middle finger while you did the same back at him.

“What time is it there?” you ask him with raised eyebrows.

You were studying in Korea but because of the virus, you had to go back to Canada. You didn’t know how long you would be staying, but Mark had promised you that he would make it work.

“Um,” he looks at the clock that was a hanging next to him, “it’s 2:30PM here,” he answers, looking back at you, “It’s about 11 there, right?”

You nod.

“Don’t you have class tomorrow?” Mark asks.

Lucky for you, your classes has changed to the local timing in Canada. Meaning, you don’t need to stay up at ungodly hours for your classes.

“I think I can wake up tomorrow,”

“Do you want me to call you?”

“Please,” you pout.

Mark scowls jokingly at you, “the things I do for my girlfriend,”

You giggle innocently at your boyfriend, “I love you,” you make a heart with your hands, grinning at your laptop.

“Yeah, yeah,” he rolls his eyes.

--Day 90

“Babe, look up,” you call.

Mark looks up to see you holding your phone up, obviously filming him through the screen.

“What?”

He could hear you grinning from behind your phone.

“Smile,” you instruct.

He grins awkwardly while you let out a snort from behind the screen. You put your phone down, typing something before looking back up at your boyfriend.

“What did you do?”

You look up at him, biting back a smile— to which you failed, “go check Instagram,”

Mark immediately opens Instagram to see that you had posted something on your private Instagram. Only him and the members are following your private account since your relationship is still private.

He clicks on the bubble to see a video of him that you had recorded. When he smiles, his face morphed into a horse from of the filter you were using. Mark couldn’t help but chuckle at the funny effect.

“Okay, that’s kinda funny,” he admits.

He looks back up at you to see you holding your phone in front of your face again, probably trying another filter on him again.

“Is this another ugly filter, again?” whines your boyfriend.

You laugh, your phone not covering your face anymore, “it’s not!”

“Don’t lie,”

Your giggles got louder, “it’s not! I swear!”

“Fine,” he huffs. He straightens his back and stares at the camera, waiting for you to finish recording.

You put your phone down re-watching the video, chuckles leaving your lips.

“What filter did you use?”

“It’s on my insta, baby,”

He looks down on his phone again to see that you have posted another story. He immediately clicks on it to see it was an NCT filter.

‘Who is your NCT Bias?’ Was written on top of his head.

Mark waits for the filter to show the result. He grimaced when he got Jeno. He swipes up to reply to your story to send you a message.

markleeee99 replied to your story: ewww

--Day 87

(1:18PM) mwark: hello baby

(1:20PM) you: wht im having class rn

(1:20PM) mwark: so

(1:25PM) you: i have class??? go away loser

(1:25PM) mwark: :( I just wanna talk to my girlfriend tho :/

(1:27PM) you: later

(1:27PM) mwark: nooo

(1:33PM) you: omg youre an idol why are you so free

(1:34PM) you: go dance or rap or smth

(1:34PM) mwark: babyyyy

(1:35PM) you: im putting my phone on dnd

(1:35PM) mwark: nooo

(1:35PM) mwark: babe

(1:40PM) mwark: did you actually leave me D:

(1:40PM) mwark: ok whatev

(1:40PM) mwark: I was about to send you something but I guess I won’t now

(1:40PM) mwark: are you still ignoring me????

(1:41PM) mwark: omg babe I was jst joking I’ll send you some gifts

(1:41PM) mwark: booo u suck :(

--Day 81

This time, it was slightly different. Instead of your usual late-night calls through the computer, you had immediately skype him through your phone when you had received a package from Korea.

“You got me something?” you ask loudly when your boyfriend answered your call.

“Jeez, hello to you too, babe,” he rolls his eyes, “and yea, did it arrive?”

“What did you get me? And what type of shipping did you choose? It arrived so quickly,”

The box was pretty heavy, so you had to put your phone down to place the huge box on the counter before bringing your phone back into view.

“Express, I paid like extra,” Mark answers, eyeing you through the screen.

You click your tongue, opening the drawer to take out a knife, “stop wasting your money, you dumbass,”

Mark didn’t reply, instead he waits for you to open the package.

You let out a sigh, “what did you get me this time?”

You open the cardboard box, a navy-blue hoodie covering the top of it. You pull it out, looking at Mark who has a smile plastered on his face.

“Is this your hoodie?!” you squeal, putting it on yourself.

Your heart melt when the familiar scent fills your nostrils. It smells just like Mark.

“Canada is getting cold isn’t it? Keep yourself warm, baby,”

You lean over to take everything out from the box. Mark had given you his half-used cologne that he uses on a daily.

“I bought a new one just so I could give you mine,” he tells you, a playful smirk on his lips.

He had also packed some of your favourite Korean snacks, and some that you haven’t tried before. Along with some matching phone cases for the both of you.

“Now I feel bad I didn’t get anything for you,” you frown., pulling the hoodie over your head.

“Don’t be,” he reassures you, “being able to see you is already enough,”

You scrunch your nose in disgust, “cringey, Mark-ie,”

“Fuck you,” he chuckles, flashing his middle finger at you.

Your eyes widen when he cursed, “my mom’s home, you idiot!”

You laugh loudly when Mark’s eyes widen in surprise, both his hands covering his mouth.

“Y/N?” you hear your mom call from the living room, “who are you talking to?”

Before you could even reply, your mother was walking towards you.

“It’s Mark,” you answer as your mother got into frame to see Mark.

“Mark! It has been a while, how’s Korea?”

Your boyfriend greeted your mom politely, a grin plastered on his face. Your mom was about to reach for your phone to talk to Mark, but you frown and pull away.

“Noo, I wanna talk to Mark,”

You gathered the gifts Mark had given you in your arms before skipping up the stairs to your room, to spend the whole day (night for him) with him.

--Day 80

“Yo, Mark, there’s some food left outside, do you want it?” you heard Johnny ask from through the screen.

Mark turns to look at the intruder, “knock next time, dude,” groans Mark.

“Is that y/n?”

Johnny suddenly enters the frame with a gummy grin, waving enthusiastically at you.

“Hi Johnny, how are you?” you smile, waving back at the older boy.

Just when Johnny was about to get comfortable on Mark’s bed, your boyfriend let out string of whines, moving his phone until you could only see his cheeks.

“Ah, that’s enough,” your boyfriend says in annoyance, “y/n is tired, goodnight, baby.”

You couldn’t even reply because Mark had already ended the skype call.

You pout, opening your messenger to send a text to your boyfriend.

(7:35PM) You: heyyy why’d you end the call? ):

(7:36PM) Bubba: sorry

(7:36PM) Bubba: johnny was being annoying

(7:36PM) You: he wasn’t tho ):

(7:36PM) You: can we call again?

(7:38PM) Bubba: sorry angel

(7:38PM) Bubba: johnny wants me to go make music

(7:38PM) Bubba: later tonight?

(7:38PM) You: oky

(7:42PM) You: love u!

(7:42PM) Bubba: love u too

(7:42PM) Bubba: <3

--Day 76

You were in the middle of facetiming mark when your phone vibrates from a text. You raise your eyebrows, thinking it was Mark.

(12:11AM) Johnny: hey

(12:11AM) Johnny: I need to ask you something

(12:13AM) You: yeah?

(12:13AM) Johnny: is mark okay lately?

(12:13AM) You: he seems fine to me, why? Did something happen?

(12:14AM) Johnny: I don’t know if I should tell you about this

(12:14AM) Johnny: but

(12:14AM) Johnny: youre the only one who can probably help him

(12:14AM) You: help him with what?

You look up at your laptop to see that Mark’s eyes was still glued on his phone. Probably playing some games.

(12:17AM) Johnny: he hasn’t been eating lately

(12:19AM) Johnny: he doesn’t really tell us stuff anymore so I was wondering you would’ve known something?

(12:22AM) You: oh

(12:22AM) You: he hasn’t told me anything

(12:23AM) You: I’ll talk to him about it

(12:25AM) You: thanks johnny :)

“Hey,” you jump at your boyfriend’s voice. You snap your head to look at your boyfriend who was already staring at you with curious eyes. “What are you so busy with?”

You clear your throat, shaking your head, tossing your phone to the side.

“I wanna ask you something,” you say.

“Whats up?”

You scratch your head, unsure of how to put it into words without offending your boyfriend. You knew he hated being babied but you still want to care for him. He was your other half, after all.

“Have you been eating well lately?”

You could sense Mark was stunned by the random question. He looks away from your wary eyes.

“Who told you?”

“Mark—”

“It was Johnny wasn’t it?” he cuts you off in anger. “God damn it, this is why I don’t want you talking to my friends,”

Why was he making this such a big deal?

“Mark I was just asking a simple question, why are you acting this way?” you argued back.

He shakes his head, threading his fingers through his black hair stressfully.

“I need to go Y/N,” sighs your boyfriend, “Goodnight,”

“Mark—” you were too late. Mark had already ended the call.

A heavy sigh left your lips as you lied down on your bed.

You weren’t sure if you should text him or give him space. Should you apologize? Was it your fault for bringing it up?

After thinking for a while, you decided to send him a text.

(8:33PM) You: hi baby. I was just asking because I was worried about you. I know you hate it when I baby you, but I’m just looking out for you. I didn’t mean to bother you

(8:33PM) You: please don’t blame your friends for this.

(8:36PM) You: I’m sorry, okay?

(8:40PM) You: I just want you to eat healthily. I’m not there to take care of you and I just want you to be healthy.

(8:47PM) You: just text me whenever so we can talk this out

(8:57PM) You: goodnight, mark

--Day 75

(12:03PM) Lovey: hey

(12:03PM) Lovey: I was thinking and realised how selfish I acted towards you

(12:05PM) Lovey: I know you were just looking out for me and I was just wasn’t in the mood because of how stressful it has been

(12:05PM) Lovey: please don’t apologize. Its my fault

(12:15PM) You: why haven’t you been eating?

(12:15PM) Lovey: comeback

(12:15PM) Lovey: I’m trying to lose some cheeks for this comeback

(12:30PM) Lovey: sorry for worrying you

(12:31PM) You: whaa…

(12:33PM) You: but you know my favourite part of your face is your cheeks D:

(12:33PM) Lovey: :(

(12:33PM) You: will you start eating again?

(12:35PM) You: im not going to force you, mark. It’s really up to you.

(12:35PM) Lovey: im eating right now

(12:35PM) You: what are you eating

(12:38PM) Lovey: cereal

(12:38PM) Lovey: and um some left over sushi from yesterday

(12:38PM) You: ohhh sounds delicious

(12:40PM) You: okay I wont disturb you anymore, have fun eating bby

As you were about to put your phone away but there was an incoming videocall from your boyfriend. A small chuckle left your lips as you answered the call.

--Day 73

“Yo, did you see it?!” was the first thing Mark had asked you when you answered his call.

You raise your eyebrows in confusion, sitting up from your laying position, “see what?”

“We just posted a new dance practice; did you not see it?” his eyes widen dismay.

You shook your head, grabbing your laptop from the table, placing it on your lap, “nope, my phone was on dnd,”

“How did you answer my call, then?”

“You’re in my favourites dumbass,”

You type in your password before searching YouTube and clicking on the video that your boyfriend was talking about.

While watching the video, you placed your phone resting on the laptop so Mark could see your face. Throughout the whole video, you were singing softly to the song.

“Did you see that?! Did you see it?” Mark suddenly yells through the screen during the dance break part.

You jump a little, “what? What? What did I miss?”

He groans at you, “the bracelet! Johnny dropped it!”

“Huh?” you press the arrow to repeat it again and you noticed how Johnny’s bracelet fell while he was dancing.

“Wait a little more, I picked it up! Like a professional!”

You waited a little longer and your boyfriend was right. While he was getting into position, your boyfriend had swept the bracelet in his hands.

You grin, “proud of you, babe,”

You wanted to continue watching but your laptop started lagging from the terrible wi-fi. You groan in annoyance, pressing pause, hoping it would reload but it only hangs even more.

“God damnit, this fucking wi-fi,”

“Should I buy you a router? Or a new laptop?” he jokes.

--Day 71

(9:02PM) You: hey wanna call?

(9:02PM) You: today was so stressful I just wanna talk to you

(10:12PM) You: ahh you must be busy with comeback

(9:32PM) You: sorry babe! We’ll jst call tmr? :)

(9:33PM) You: love u! make sureee u drink lots of water <3

-Day 67

Mark lets out an aspirated sigh as he answers your facetime call. “What, Y/N?”

You frown at the way he greets you. He was moody probably because he just finished practicing.

You could tell from how he was laying on his bed without a shirt on, or how he would repeatedly thread his fingers through his black locks.

“I just wanted to talk to you,” you mumble out softly, your eyes softening, feeling guilty that you were disturbing him.

You bit your lip anxiously when Mark simply sighs, rolling his eyes slightly, “should we just call another time?”

He sighs once more, moving around until he lays on his side, “no, no, what’s up?”

You felt a little hesitant, unsure if he was being sarcastic or not. Mark wasn’t the type to approach something if he doesn’t like it, he would just go with the flow.

You shook your head, laying back down onto your bed, “No, you’re tired and I shouldn’t be disturbing you right now.”

Mark opens his mouth but you cut him off, “Sorry, Mark. Goodnight.”

You quickly end the call with a heavy heart, throwing your phone next to you. You knew you shouldn’t be expecting an incoming call from your boyfriend, but you shamelessly waited for his specific ringtone.

It did break your heart a little when you didn’t get any response from your boyfriend.

That night, you had spent your time watching Netflix with tears rolling down your cheeks.

-Day 62

“Y/N?”

A choked sob left your throat, your hands wiping the tears running down your cheeks.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” Johnny’s voice filled your ears.

You gulp as your heart clench painfully when you hear Mark’s laughter in the background.

“Y/N, d-do you want me to pass the phone to Mark?”

“N-no,” you quickly say out, pausing a little. Hiccups leaving your lips, “d-don’t… please,”

“Okay?” Johnny replies in uncertainty, “Are you… okay? Should I beat Mark up?” he jokes.

You couldn’t bring yourself to smile. “How is he doing?” you whisper, but Johnny could hear very clearly.

You assumed that he had moved somewhere else since you can’t hear the boys screaming in the background.

“Did something happen?” Johnny asks, “I’m not with them right now, so you can tell me.”

You remember the last time you had last talked to Mark.

It has been exactly 5 days since the both of you last texted— or even called. You weren’t sure why or how it happened.

It had taken a big toll on you— you couldn’t focus during lessons and you had spent most of the nights wide awake, thinking what had gone wrong. You had contemplated multiple times whether you should send him a text, but every time you push yourself to say something, you would always remember how busy he is.

“We haven’t been talking for a while,” you answer painfully, “but he’s doing fine, right?”

You hope he’s doing fine.

You hear Johnny lets out an agitated sigh, “Don’t worry Y/N, I’ll go talk to him, okay?”

“Just… don’t stress him out even more.”

“I won’t. Just… stop crying over him, okay?” he says, “Mark is an idiot, he’s not worth crying over.”

A small giggle leaves your lips, “you sound like a girl right now,”

-Day 61

(12:12AM) Mark: hey babe

(12:12AM) Mark: johnny just talked to me about what happened

(12:13AM) Mark: can we talk?

(12:45AM) You: okay

(12:45AM) Mark: great, I’ll call you

(12:45AM) You: no

(12:46AM) You: we’ll text

(12:46AM) You: here

You just know that you would be a sobbing mess once you hear Mark’s voice.

(12:46AM) Mark: oh

(12:46AM) Mark: okay

(12:46AM) Mark: youre okay tho

(12:47AM) Mark: right

(12:52AM) You: mhm

(12:52AM) Mark: that’s great um

(12:52AM) Mark: i didn’t know you were feeling that way

(12:53AM) Mark: i’ve been so busy lately i forgot to text or call you

(12:53AM) Mark: and that is not your fault at all

(12:53AM) Mark: i shouldn’t be acting like that in the first place

(12:54AM) Mark: its just really hard with timezones and everything

(12:54AM) Mark: especially with the comeback and all

(12:54AM) You: what are you saying mark?

(12:55AM) Mark: what?

(12:58AM) You: are you breaking up with me?

(12:58AM) Mark: wat? no. what.

(12:58AM) You: wait so we’re not breaking up?

(12:58AM) Mark: what

(12:58AM) Mark: no of course not what are you saying?

(12:59AM) You: I DON’T KNOW

(12:59AM) You: i thought you wanted to break up

(12:59AM) Mark: no I don’t want to what the fuck

(12:59AM) You: so we’re good now right?

-Day 51

Soft melodies were playing in the background while the both of you were doing different things.

You were sitting on your chair, your elbows pressing painfully against your desk, working on your homework diligently. Your phone was perched on your lamp, making sure Mark could see your face.

Your boyfriend was laying on his bed with a notebook laying in front of him, a pen in his hand while he thought of lyrics. He had his legs swinging back and forth behind him cutely.

You exhale loudly as you re-read the same question over and over again.

Mark immediately looks up, “you okay?”

You hum without even looking at him before you continued doing your work.

Mark decides to leave you alone as to not distract you. He rests his cheek against his arm as he tries to think of another sentence to finish the song he was working on.

His eyes slowly dart towards you who had their eyebrows furrowed cutely, a pout plastered on your lips, baby hairs littering against your forehead and cheeks.

Without even realising, a small smile spreads across Mark’s lips. His breath slows down as he relaxed and stares at your figure.

Multiple sentences that could be used as lyrics flooded through his head. He quickly sits up to write the flood of inspiration that was bursting through his veins.

-Day 43

(2:53AM) boyfie: duuudee!!

(2:53AM) boyfie: vlive!!

(2:53AM) boyfie: quick!!!!!

(3:15AM) You: omg ok give me a sec

(3:15AM) You: I just woke up

With a yawn, you open the vlive app and click on the NCT127 page to enter the live your boyfriend was doing.

‘Hi’ you type in the comment section. You stare at your boyfriend, scanning his facial expression to notice your comment.

Exactly 5 seconds later, a huge grin spreads across his lips as he looks up at the camera to wave.

It eased you to know that he was waving at you, for you. Maybe you were being selfish, but you were glad that Mark was yours. Although it does get on your nerves when you see your friends post about how much he loves your boyfriend.

‘mark is so handsome’ you typed.

Unfortunately, Mark didn’t notice your comment, but Donghyuck did. Donghyuck nudges your boyfriend, who immediately responded, turning to look at him.

His friend showed him your comment, which your boyfriend immediately smiles to.

‘I love mark lee so much!!!’

A few seconds later Mark creates a small heart at the camera before looking away with crimson red cheeks.

-Day 38

“So you and Mina, huh?” you say bitterly, rolling your eyes.

You were referring to the interaction between the two when Mina was leaving music bank. You might’ve been slightly jealous of the chemistry between the two, especially when all the fans would ship the both of them.

Mark can only watch you in amusement, a small smile playing along his lips.

“Is she better than me?” you say sarcastically, clicking your tongue,

You envied their friendship. Someone who was merely a friend was able to see your boyfriend so easily.

His face softens, “you know she’s not like that, baby,” his tone was soft, easy to persuade you.

Baby. You wanted to scoff at that. He only used that term when he was trying to win your heart.

You huff, crossing your arms violently. “You’re always with her!”

He chuckles, looking down at his phone before looking back up at you quickly.

You pout at the boy through the screen, “you love me more, right Mark?”

He sarcastically rolls his at your question. What kind of question was that?

His face scrunches in disgust, “Firstly, I don’t even love Mina that way, babe,” he tells you, “and secondly, the only person I love you, alright? So stop being jealous you wimp.”

“Wimp?” you scoff, “and you’re my boyfriend?”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?”

Just as you were about to respond to him, your phone vibrated with a notification. You look down and gaped.

_happiness_o wants to send you a message.

“Mark…”

You unlocked your phone to see the message that Mina was trying to send you.

“You told her?!” you exclaimed, looking up at your boyfriend who was stifling his laughter. “Mark! Why would you do that?!” you whine, throwing your phone next to you.

“In my defence, I didn’t tell her to send you a text,” he says, “I was just talking about how cute you were being!”

-Day 22

You were laying on your side, deep in a slumber while Mark stares at you lovingly.

Your cheek pressed cutely against your pillow which made your lips pout cutely. The little pieces of hair adorning your temples and cheeks only made Mark want to push it back against your ear. Something he would do every time you were sleeping with him.

He suddenly got an idea and fishes out his phone, searching a filter that he had saved for this particular moment.

He clicks on the filter, waiting for it to load for a moment, before adjusting the angle so the filter could scan his face properly. Once he was sure it won’t budge, he presses record.

‘your soulmate is sleeping right now’

A sad smile adorns his lips, looking at you through the screen. He flips the camera, zooming into your sleeping form then ending the video.

Mark was quite hesitant to post it since he was never the type to post about his relationship with you. But these past few days has been hitting him differently.

He missed you so much, he swore he could go crazy. He had spent another unreasonable amount on you again. He couldn’t even sleep because you were always stuck on his mind.

He bit his lip anxiously before posting the video on his Instagram story. He noticed how your phone vibrated right when it was uploaded— you had his notifications on.

-Day 15

“So it’s gonna be forever~” you sing loudly, pointing your hairbrush to Mark who was laughing loudly through the screen.

“Or it’s gonna go down in flames…” he sings off tune.

While you were busy singing and dancing from all Taylor Swift’s song, Mark had stealthily recorded you with his phone to upload them on his private Instagram.

‘idiot. But my idiot’ he captioned before tagging you and posting it on his page.

“Sing with me, Mark!” you shout, looking at your boyfriend. “Cherry lips, crystal skies, I could show you incredible things,” you sang, pointing at Mark.

Your boyfriend blushes when he realizes you were singing to him.

You cough loudly before clearing your throat after blaring out lyrics to Taylor swift. You reach for your cup of water before gulping it down.

“What song should we sing to next?” you ask, scrolling down through you and Mark’s playlist. The both of you had shared one account ever since he found out the both of you shared the same music taste.

“Should we do a rap?” he suggests.

You smirk up at him, “oooh, because you’re a rapper, huh? Okay, okay.”

You thumb press on ‘Beauty and a Beat’ by Justin Bieber and Nicki Minaj.

“I’m a better rapper than you, Mark Lee,” you shout at your boyfriend before rapping to Nicki Minaj’s part.

It was so adorable at how you stumbled over some words, or when you had your eyebrows furrowed trying to rap to the lyrics.

At this moment, Mark thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world. You had your hair tied up in the ugliest bun he has ever seen, but you looked so adorable, especially in the huge t-shirt you were wearing. But most importantly, the huge grin plastered on your lips and tint of red adorning your cheeks, puts a smile on Mark’s face.

Right when the song has ended, you let out a tired sigh, lying against your bed.

“Am I better than you, Markie?”

He bit back a smile and nodded, “you should replace me in NCT, babe,”

You pretend to think, “I should, shouldn’t I?”

-Day 7

You were talking about Mark about your friend who had pissed you off earlier today.

He shrugs, “honestly, I saw that coming. I never liked her,”

You groan, throwing your head back, “I know right,” you stress, “I should’ve listened to you,”

Mark rests his cheek against his palm, “so what are you going to do?”

You pout, “I don’t know. What should I do, Mark?”

Your boyfriend hums, thinking for a while, “I think it’s best if you cut her off. She doesn’t deserve you, babe.”

You let out an aspirated sigh, frowning. “she was just a close friend…” you trailed off sadly.

“I know, baby,” he coos, “but your mental health is important too.”

Your eyes widen cutely, “I love you,”

That caught your boyfriend off-guard, his eyes widen in awe. “w-what, don’t be weird!” he sputters out.

“You’re weird!” you bite back.

-Day 3

“Mark,” you call out, your boyfriend immediately humming. “I learnt a new tiktok dance,”

He raises his eyebrows. He has never downloaded Tiktok but he knows how much you love the app. Most of the time the both of you were calling, you would be scrolling through the app, sending him links of videos that you found funny.

It was a secret: Mark never actually watches the video. But you do not need to know that.

“Show me, baby,”

You stood up, adjusting your laptop in a decent position. You reach for your phone to play the music before you started dancing.

Mark recognized the song as Savage. It was a song that Taeyong would constantly play.

Your boyfriend’s eyes widen in bewilderment, amazed at how good you were at dancing.

“Woah, woah,” he gapes when you started throwing back.

When the song ended, you ambled towards your laptop, “how was it? Was I good? Was I as good as Taeyong and Johnny?”

He rolls his eyes at that, “do you do it to other people?”

“What?”

“The throwing back thing,”

Ah. He was jealous.

You shrug, looking away from his intense gaze, “I don’t know. I was planning to ask some of my friends about their opinion.”

“Y/N,” he says sternly.

“I was joking! Jeez. You’re such a party pooper.”

-Day 2

You laid on your side, your arm supporting your head. A movie was playing on your laptop screen but you could only stare at Mark’s face.

He was busy laughing at one of the scenes but you couldn’t focus from his handsome face.

He was wearing the ugly black glasses that he chose a few weeks ago, but he still looked so good in your eyes. His black hair was styled messily from laying around.

“Babe, are you watching?” his eyes widen cutely after sensing how quiet you were being.

“I am,” you mumble out, but your eyes never leaved your boyfriend’s screen.

“Okay,” he whispers, resting his body as he continued watching the movie that was played on the screen.

At this moment in time, you wanted to tell Mark how much you love him. You wanted to smother him in kisses.

“Mark,” you called. You realise how he had paused the movie that was playing to listen to you. “I love you,” you tell him.

Mark was frozen for a second, confused yet flustered by your sudden confusion. He smirks, playing the movie, “weirdo. I love you too, you cutie.”

-Day 1

(11:01PM) bub: babyyyy hiiiii

(11:01PM) bub: wanna call ;)

(11:05PM) bub: hello why r u not replying

(11:05PM) bub: it’s only 11 there

(11:10PM) bub: I know youre not asleep babe

(11:10PM) bub: arghhh

(11:10PM) bub: are you asleep????

(11:10PM) bub: :(

(11:10PM) bub: well ok gn bb I’ll talk to you tmr

(11:10PM) bub: love youuuu

D-DAY

You were laying on Mark’s bed restlessly, waiting for your boyfriend to reach his dorm. When you heard the door unlock, a grin spread across your lips when you saw your boyfriend walk in.

“Hi Mark,” you greet, waving at your boyfriend.

Mark looks up at you and nods, “hi y/n,” he says back before turning the other way to go to the bathroom.

You bit back a smile quietly, giving him a minute to realise. You quietly stood up by the bed to amble towards your boyfriend.

“Wait,” he pauses, turning around slowly, his eyes widening at the sight of you walking up to him, “w-what? Is this real? y/n?”

You smile at him, spreading your arms, waiting for him to tackle you in a hug. “I’m here, baby.”

“Oh my god,” he breathes out before rushing towards you to pull you against his chest. “You’re here, oh my god,”

You rest your head on his chest, wrapping your arms tightly around his waist. You’ve missed the moment for so long. For more than 3 months, you had to live without Mark’s presence.

He pulls you away, his hand gripping your shoulder tightly. “How— what are you doing here?!” he exclaims.

Your cheeks were hurting from smiling so much, “to see you, of course!”

“You surprised me!” he exclaims, pulling you in for another hug, “oh my god, you scared me so much, I love you so much. When did you get here? You didn’t answer my texts yesterday!”

“I love you too and I was in the plane, I couldn’t text you back,” you reply, however your voice was muffled by the black cotton shirt he was wearing. You pull away, looking up at him, “are you not going to kiss me?” you asked abruptly.

He looks down at you with wide eyes, “w-what. That is so sudden, don’t say that!” he stutters out, looking away from you.

You pout at him, wrapping your arms around his neck, “what? I came all the way here, didn’t get enough sleep just to see my boyfriend but he won’t kiss me?”

He scowls at you, his arm dropping to rest around your waist. He leans down to connect both your lips. You felt your heart spark when you felt his lips graze against yours.

You didn’t even realise you were pulling him down even more to kiss him deeper. Mark’s grip on your waist tightened, pulling you even closer.

“Ah, the kids have finally met,” you heard someone say from behind you two.

Mark and you pull away breathlessly, his lips tinted a bright shiny red. The both of you turn around to see Taeil standing at the door.

Your boyfriend whines, “Go away, Hyung,”

501 notes · View notes

folkloreguk · 3 years

Text

Shower Thoughts

A/N: I like writing about personal emotions a lot…this feels a little like writing a diary but also like self-therapy and it really helps me. I hope anyone who also feels this way knows that they’re not alone with those feelings. Also happy birthday to the sweetest @sunghoonied!! I wrote this thinking of you and I hope you have the best day ♡ PS. I didn't proofread this so if you find errors kindly lmk please! x

genre: optional bias (male), meant to comfort you, angst, fluff, talk of loneliness / anxiety but with a good ending!

words: ~ 2.5 k

taglist: @lovely-ateez, @mochi-ficz, @soundsofminho, @runaway-fics

People said that walking was supposed to clear your mind. But then why was it, that you had gotten so lost in your worst thoughts out there? The time spent in fresh air was meant to let your mind wander to calm places and smiling at strangers should have made you feel less lonely. But with every step you took and with every passing face your body felt heavier. Not only did you carry your figure, but the crushing burden that had been nagging at you for weeks.

Watching others stroll around the streets seemed so easy. And perhaps it should have been easy, after all. It made you wonder, maybe you were the only one whose mind was constantly covered in dark rain clouds. Maybe everyone had their place in the world, and they knew just where and with whom they belonged. Surely, they didn’t overthink every conversation they had with a random stranger. Did their brain also function merely on autopilot in public, while the back of your mind was chaos of doubt and fear? Was there anybody else who spent day to day worrying about never finding someone who could deal with the burden of you and your issues? How was somebody else going to love you if you were this sad?

Those people that care about you are the ones you should be honest with, after all. There was no brushing off the How Are You question with a quick “I’m fine”. How could someone deal with the real answer you would give? You didn’t want to pull anybody down with you when you were hurting. So then again, maybe it was for the better your apartment was always empty when you came home. With no one to ask you about your feelings, you couldn’t cause anyone else agony and worry. Your own pain was enough – one person was enough to deal with it.

You shoved your shoes in the corner next to your door. If it wasn’t for your mental state, you would’ve guessed your jacket was a hundred kilos heavy. But even after you had peeled it off, nothing changed. You dragged your body to the bathroom.

You’d be so proud if only you could go one day without crying. And you had almost made it, had it not been for the godforsaken shower water. There was something about seeing the droplets on your skin and on the tiles that caused your tears to come out freely. The noise of the shower made you feel shut off from the rest of the world. Now it was just you and your salty ocean tears. The tears united with the shower water. It was hard to tell which drops on your cheek had originated in your swollen eyes and which had fallen from the shower head. This way, it seemed almost as if there was an invisible force that was wiping over your face, trying to appease your sobs.

But there was nobody. And that was why you only cried harder. If only you had listened to your own words when you tried to cheer yourself up. Then maybe you would feel better when you wrapped your arms around your own body. You were desperate. The notion that someone could hold you like this, one day, should have gifted you at least some form of hope. But no, you knew it wouldn’t happen any time soon. Not with this mindset and your sadness.

You hiccupped helplessly. This was all so tiring. Before you knew it, you sat down on the shower floor under the hot stream. At least there was no one waiting to get into the shower after you. So you wouldn’t have to feel guilty about blocking the bathroom and wasting all the hot water. For a few minutes you remained on the floor, drowning out your cries under the splashing sound. You felt the impulse to scream. Look, I’m here! I’m a person with interests and passions and emotions! Doesn’t anybody see me? I’m sick of only existing! Won’t somebody teach me how to live?

But at most, that would cause you a noise complaint. If only you weren’t so terrible at talking to people. Maybe you could make a friend someday – when your anxiety got better. Like in a trance, you finally switched off the water and grabbed your towel. You were so utterly lost in your thoughts, that everything went by as if you were only watching from the sidelines. You got out of the shower, dried off, put on some body lotion – an attempt at self-care – and got dressed in the most comfortable, baggy clothes you owned.

What on earth would you do tonight? There really were only so many ways you could have fun (or rather distract yourself from feeling down) when you were all by yourself and everything reminded you of how lonely you were. The option of just going to sleep slipped past you. But you weren’t tired enough. You knew you’d lie awake for hours, left alone with your thoughts. And crying yourself to sleep was the last thing you wanted right now.

So you opted for the most mainstream idea: Netflix. You plopped down on the sofa, a steaming hot cup of tea on the small table in front of you. Now you only had one thing left to do. You needed to choose some stupid show and let the problems of tv characters invade your brain and pray they would shove out your own issues. You weren’t even hungry. Although there was a part of you that wished it could have eaten your weight in chocolate, but you knew that had little to do with hunger.

Just as you reached for the remote control, the sound of your doorbell made you jump. I’ll just let it be. They’ll think I’m not home and leave. Those thoughts came right away. It made you curse yourself. You had just cried over feeling alone, but now you’re shutting out some random neighbor who probably just needs some tiny favor from you. Way to go. So, more to prove a point to yourself than to be friendly, you stepped to your door and opened it.

“Hi.” It was your neighbor. Your handsome, kind neighbor, who you always met at the local grocery store. You were so mentally exhausted you didn’t even feel self-conscious about looking the way you did. Although you hoped your eyes had recovered from the redness, at least a little. “Hi,” you greeted him back.

“Look, I really don’t want to be intrusive. And if you want me to leave, I will,” he said. He fumbled with his hands, as if he was nervous about his words. “But I kind of heard you…cry…in the shower. And I know you live alone, and I figured if you’re crying you probably don’t have any company. I guess I just wanted to check whether you’re okay. Do you have someone to talk to?”

With every word your heart only sped up. You felt like a trapped rabbit in a corner and the meaning of his message only sunk in slowly. Yes, of course. I’ll call my friend and talk to them,you wanted to say. But that would have been a massive lie. And you just couldn’t lie to him. Not when he stood there, in his fuzzy sweater and fresh-out-the-shower damp hair, with eyes so worried and attentive. You weren’t sure if it was from how touched you were by his concern for you, or if it was your sadness catching up to you again. Before you could swallow your tears, your eyes filled to the brim and your vision turned blurry.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you said, not sure what for. Hurriedly, you used your sweater paw to wipe your leaking eyes. You didn’t want him to feel bad for you, but now you had achieved just that and more. Your embarrassment set in and you finally came out with the truth. “I don’t have anyone to talk to.”

“No need to be sorry. It’s alright. We all have those days, don’t we? I just want you to know that you’re not alone. And I have nothing to do…so if you need someone to talk to, or even just to keep you company…I can stay with you for a bit…or you can come over to mine. I just don’t want you to feel alone. But if you would prefer to be by yourself, that’s okay. People deal with things differently.”

You were so baffled that your ability to speak completely fell through. The idea of someone, an almost-stranger, going so out of their way to make sure you were okay blew you away. He knew nothing about you. But here he was, taking a chance on you, nonetheless. Only then you realized you probably looked like a fool, staring at him but failing to answer. Quickly, you prompted yourself to open your mouth to speak, but he beat you to it.

“What were you doing just now?” he asked. “Any plans for the evening?”

“I was going to watch a movie, I guess,” you said. “And I think some company would be very nice.”

He smiled at you like was your childhood best friend and you had just reconnected after years of being apart. That’s why it felt the more natural to let him enter your apartment. You got into small talk about what it was like living in the building and how his apartment had a mirrored structure to yours. The simplest conversation took your mind off your sorrow right away. You felt like thanking him would be a little dramatic after he had barely settled on your sofa, so you kept it to yourself. Either way, the small smile on your face felt like warm, soothing sunlight on your skin after eight consecutive days of rain.

“Do you want to talk about anything?” he asked. You thought for a moment.

“No, I think I’d rather just distract myself,” you said. Even though you were grateful for having him here, you feared if you spilled your guts to him you would only scare him away.

“Alright,” he said without judgement. “What film were you planning on watching?”

And so you started your movie. There was a respectful distance between you on the sofa. But his simple presence next to you was more than you could have asked for tonight. He was like a heater, providing safety and comfort in the coldest winter. Hearing someone else chuckle at the jokes in the movie along with you was magnificent. His laughter sounded like a rainbow. It seeped into your body and your soul straightened up and bloomed like a parched flower being watered after all this loneliness.

But even under all the light, your problems were still here, waiting to nag at you. You knew they would consume you when he returned to his own apartment later. They would laugh at you for trying to socialize but staying closed off as always. Just because someone saw you didn’t mean they understood you and who you are. And how was one supposed to make human connections if they treated their thoughts like strictly confidential information in front of everybody? No, you had to tell him.Impulsively, you pressed the stop-button on the remote. He shot you a questioning gaze.

“I- I think maybe I do want to talk about something,” you confessed.

“You can tell me anything. I promise it’ll be safe with me. Let out whatever bothers you,” he said. His lovely, warm eyes were inviting like a haven for you. So you just started to talk. All your frustrations and reasons for anxiety were exiting your lips, floating all around you in the room. Airing out your weary brain finally, after holding everything in for weeks, was uncaging and nothing had felt this good in so long. Although your sadness wasn’t something that could be fixed by doing a task, the more thoughts and worries you explained to him, the easier it became. It wasn’t long before you felt your tears well up once more.

“It’s okay,” he said with his hand on your shoulder. This time, you didn’t try so hard to blink them away. Where there were emotions, there were tears, and he was right. It was fine to let them out. Through sniffles you finished telling him your issues.

“Is this okay?” he asked, gently putting his arm around your shoulder to hold your shaking figure. You hummed and nodded in agreement. His warmth was like a blanket to shelter you from the anxiety, if even just for a short while.

“I don’t expect you to know a solution,” you said. “I need to wait for it to get better. It’ll get better, eventually.”

“You’re right. It will all resolve,” he said. “I’m sorry things are so difficult. But you’re not alone, okay?”

You nodded again.

“Time will heal, I promise,” he said. “And until then, you have to hold on and keep going. The world’s a little cruel sometimes, when it shuts out the ones who struggle and don’t do as well as others. But you’re as much of a part of it as any other human on the street. And you’re just as important as them. You weren’t born to be successful or to achieve things. You’re here to live and be happy. So promise me to take care of yourself, and be gentle to yourself. Because you’re the only person that will be with yourself every second until the end. Please don’t be hard on yourself and have patience for good things to come around. And if it all feels like it’s too much for you, don’t feel guilty about reaching out for help. You can always ring my doorbell if you need something.”

“Thank you so much,” you cried. Your cheek rested on his shoulder and you sat in silence for a while. It was unbelievable which wonders such a small conversation between two people could do. Your heart felt lighter and the thoughts were no longer racing through your head. Peace was settling in, and you welcomed it more than ever.

“Now that I’ve told you about me, what kind of person are you?” you asked through tears. He chuckled a little. All you knew until now was that he had a heart of gold. Which, to be fair, meant your impression of him was off to a pretty good start already. Your thoughts were cautious as you wondered…Maybe he could be my friend.

You abandoned the movie. Instead, you spent all evening chatting about whatever came to your mind. You discussed childhood dreams, favorite dishes, your best playlists down to the cutes dog breeds you had ever seen. It felt great, getting to know somebody. And your suspicions came true. His big heart wasn’t the only thing admirable about him. He was funny and knew just what to say when you felt awkward or shy. When you slipped into bed that night, you did so with a smile on your face. You had always told yourself that you weren’t alone. But sometimes, the most optimistic person needed a small reminder coming from somebody else. Here was yours.

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angelic-jeonghan1004 · 3 years

Text

Enhypen reacting to you cheating in a game to win

More enha timeeee I've got more stuff in the works for them so soon I'll make a masterlist! Doing a mixture of both video games and arcade games in this. If it's not obvious to tell from my past fics I love me some video games I'm now super into Genshin atm!! Heeseung is absurdly long btw sorry about that he's the only one I actually had an idea for from a random tropes list on Wattpad the rest I wrote the prompt games and ideas for sitting through a school lecture

Pairing: Enhypen x reader

Genre: fluff, crack

Warning: swearing!

Gif credits to rightful owner ✨

Heeseung

Thinking of a way to spend time with your boyfriend and have a fun date

You went to play laser tag, there's no physical harm in laser tag

Problem here is you're both competitive

And deciding against being on the same team

Decided to go being on opposite team

Whoever lost has to buy lunch

So going into the game in the black out neon room full of obstacles you both had one thing on your mind

"I'm going to win" was the one thought racing through both of your heads (spoiler alert you won in the end)

Protecting your chestplate for your life in fear of someone shooting you

The game got very heated but you thought strategically

You didn't try to find him (that was his goal to find you, but by his height yells or cheers of success eliminating a player you knew where he was 99% of the time) you actually avoided him

You went to get out all of his teammates

It wasn't hard you where in it to win it

You realized there's no way it's not just you and Heeseung now

An idea came to mind

Yelling to him you said

"Heeseung I have an idea to make this fun for us , meet me at the middle since I don't want to yell"

You both made your way to the middle very cautious of eachother but he was very curious of the challenge

Quickly you explained that you two should go on opposite ends of the laser tag maze but each step you take you have to do one shot no matter what

Due to your limited amo this intrigued Heeseung

How he could strategically move his lanky body around the maze without loosing tok much amo

He agreed

And you leaned in for a kiss before "putting the plan to action"

He quickly accepted the kiss closing his eyes taking in the moment before having to head to the opposite corner

That was until he heard the "Defeated" noise come from his chest plate as you shot him in the chest neon red lights covering the what used to be blue chestplate

You giggled as you broke the kiss

"UNFAIR" Heeseung yelled

"We can talk about it over lunch" you said putting your hand in his

You explained your true strategy to him at lunch and how you made that plan up just so he wouldn't kill you on spot

He peas so pouty

Just ate his food and sulked

"You owe me a fist game and next time let's try that challenge I was excited baby"

He'd say with just 🥺 eyes

Pls win this boy some sort of gift he deserves a pick me up

Jay

You guys where having a great time having an in home date

Then you disrespected man's gaming skills

Oh all hell broke loose into a heated argument

"I totally bet I could beat you in Tekken"

"Oh you fucking wish"

"Who do you main"

"Roger" (Roger is a Kangaroo)

"What the fuck are you doing? Representing Jake's home? That character takes no skill to beat people as"

"Yeah well who do you main"

"Is that even a question? Alisa Bosconovitch. A cyborg robot lady with fucking jet legs and chainsaw arms you can't tell me that's not cool"

"You're telling me I'M the one that plays someone that takes no skill to play as?"

You both knew there was only one way to settle this

Jay got out Playstation and everything for it and put it as a 5 match game

Settling yourselves into the game you both where doing actually really well

Way too well actually it was 2 to 2 so whoever won this round one the game

Your anxiety got too high

You where not gonna let this dude win

He'd be too cocky for his own good holding it over you

Quickly you had an idea as you saw his health was only 50% of the way nearing death and your ultra power and held up enough exp

"BABY IS THAT A SPIDER" you yelled looking at the ground near his leg

Causing him to roll away from his spot fearing a spider near his leg loosing focus

That's when you charged at his character

You could see the soul leave his body

When he saw the pink and magenta hair move speedy across the screen straight to his sweet little kangaroo in boxing gloves and a neck tie

"K.O" filling the screen you knew his yell was coming before he even did it

"AAAAAAAAA"

"WAS THERE EVEN A SPIDER"

"No baby I just had to through you off your rthym"

Man he was HURT

"I can't tell if that was foul or not. I'm going to talk with Niki on if what you did was fair or not"

"Babe it's not that deep-"

"No No No you owe me a rematch, kiss and patience as I consult with Niki"

Jake

Gosh this sweet boy

You two where playing dead by daylight on switches laying on opposite sides of the couch so you couldn't see eachothers screen

And you just kept scaring Jake coming up out of no where behind him

"Baby please just kill me you don't have to run up behind me" he was so scared please(〒﹏〒)

He was giving you puppy dog eyes that quickly went to fear as he shrieked from you running up behind him as he tried to start the car for the 18478282 time

You realized he was actually almost done fixing the car due to his pears so you went on a killing spree it was just you, Jake and some girl who was searching for fuel that you couldn't find

Getting back to Jake you realized he actually started the car and was ready to drive it and win the game

You hid behind a tree so he wouldn't see you

So in that moment you said "Jake can you toss the blanket I'm really cold"

Jake is too much if a gentle men he did so immedietly with a smile on his face you felt a little bad for what you where doing ngl

You took this chance and killed Jake's character

He knows that's how the game works that you you still could've done that without

But boy still yelled that it was unfair

Another boy who would just pout

Beware next round he's not going to be nice and will play the murderer

Sunghoon

Who knew a game of thumb war would get so aggressive

You where just waiting for the time to pass for a cafe to open up since you guys where too early before opening

The glares you shot eachother where unreal

Neither of you wanted to loose and both where confident in winning

But one thing was tempting you

The sign flipping over to open on the front door

So in that quick moment you felt really bad

But you stepped on his toe as you lifted your arms down and quickly put your thumb over his

"12345678910 I WIN"

"NO YOU DIDNT THAT WAS TOTALLY CHEATING"

He was so upset omg

The glare on his face

You know the look like just 😐 but definitely angry

But he couldn't hide the smile on his face when you leaned in to kiss his cheek

"I needed the game to end the cafes open now baby,,,"

He went blank for a second confused then

"OH SHIT YOU'RE RIGHT WE WHERE IN LINE FOR THE CAFE LETS GET IN"

A smile filled his face and he moved your hands to be in an actual hand holding way as you too went in

But don't get me wrong

This boy getting a rematch

And if you playing dirty he'll play dirty too

But for now he'll be fine having this cafe date of coffee/tea and pastries with you

Sunoo

Rthym games aren't a competition

But you guys made it one-

Who could get a higher score??

Originally a joke gone TOO far

Since here you are playing one song from Superstar Woollim, Superstar SM and Superstar JYP

Just 3 main and random superstar rthym games

Each thing was going alright then you got to Woollim

You both played the same songs but each got to choose a song

Woollim you knew The Eye was hard so you chose it and had him go first

He was doing surprisingly well though

Too well🤔

But suddenly Jungwon entered the room

You knew what to do

Make that boy jealous

"Hi bubs! How are you?" You said looking up to Jungwon

Jungwon was very polite asked you how you where

And Sunoo was not having it

He's fine with you being friends with all of enha

He encourages it!

But bubs is a pet name that's for him and him only😔😔

This caused his attention to tare away for a second

Suddenly in the blink of an eye his heart dropped as the "missed" noise came through the phone

The yELL

He was so mad

Once the song was done he immedietly went

"Did you do that on purpose?"

"Sort of"

And then you just did your turn and this boy gasped and look at you likeヽ༼⁰o⁰；༽ノ

He would be pettyyyyy

He'd be so mad

Pouting and glaring at you

Just completely done

You'd have to go in with a LOT of cuddles and affection

But he'd still not budge for a while

You got a better score than him so you won

But he will hold this over you whenever he wants something he'll be like

"remember when you cheated in a game we where playing by making me jealous? That was a little too much don't you think? Now grab me one of the ice cream bars from the freezer"

Jungwon

Wonnie this precious boy

Ppuyo ppuyo Tetris is not a game to play with others

It ruins relationships, friendships, family bonds (from personal experience as someone who got grilled on their Tetris skills while playing 1v1 while my friend was also doing terrible)

He got it since the characters looked cute

And Tetris is fun!

So why not??

You guys started playing it on the switch and everything was fine at first

Then it started getting faster

Wonnie chose the annoying little wizard guy that just yells every 5 seconds

It was driving you both up a wall ngl

So you where like how do I cheat in Tetris,,,

You realized you where gonna get a 5 in 1 move so it was gonna fuck up his play real hard

But if he realizes that's your move he can make one just as strong if he puts his brain to realize what spots he has open and he's good at coming back from riskfull moments

So you digged deep in your brain to think of something quick

It hit you then

"Wonnie did I ever tell you who my Enhypen bias was"

His face just sort scrunched and he was like ¯\_ಠ_ಠ_/¯ I thought it was me? Moment

"wouldn't it be me? I never thought to ask"

"Oh okay" legit you had gone in with the 5 in 1 move and he hadn't looked at the silver blocks that quickly started to fill his screen he wanted to know

"nonono who is it?" Turned to you he didn't even see the mess that was on his screen

Until he heard the god for saken wizard just yell in defeat

"wait no that's unfair you can't drop something like that on me while we where in a 1v1 match"

His eyes he would just ಠ︵ಠ

Boy so sad :((

He lost the game and now he doesn't know if you bias him or not

If you do bias him you'd just tell him and he'd be like you stressed me out for noThing??

If you didn't bias him he'd be fine with it but he'd need a little moment of confirmation

Idk give this boy some kisses you stressing him out

Niki

Intense DDR fight let's go

This boy don't go down without a fight

Neither do you

But as the levels kept going and the energy got more and more intense

You know it was very likely Niki could win

That boy is dancing prodigy type of guy

So he be doing these steps while also the hand work of the dance itself just to flex

Done with the cute boys snarky behavior

You did the one thing that would throw him of his rthym

Pretend to get hurt

You crouched in a way and made it seem like your knee was in pain but you where still doing the steps

Niki was gonna look over to you to be snarky and witty

But you looked in pain and this giant baby got panicked

"nononono baby are you okay? If you're in pain don't worsen your injury we can stop playing, what about your knee hurts?" He was panicking and you immedietly felt so bad

He stopped moving and so his score got worse and worse

You felt so bad you pretended to just act it out a lil more

"no don't worry Riki it's okay I'll be fine"

"don't say that you're in pain you could worsen your condition, let's find out what happened maybe you just buckled your knee? I've done that, be more careful please"

He legit went over to your board and tried to just stop your movements and left a kiss on your forehead

The song would end and your score would be higher but you would never do that as a cheat again

You didn't even have the courage to tell Riki after

He continued to be just so sweet and caring throughout the date

Would probably even text you afterwards like "Im sorry you injured your knee a little but I'm glad afterwards you felt better and I had a lot of fun :))"

Pls you better keep that all in till the day you die or tell him it's up to you but don't mess with this pore boy again like that pls(〒﹏〒)

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helianthus-tarot · 3 years

Note

Hmm. This may be a really stupid question, so please bear with me. I saw a really helpful ask you’d answered about bringing in negative energies into readings- about how basically a negative mindset can absolutely affect the cards.

Alternatively, could a positive one- more specifically, a kind of wishful thinking type- do the same thing? I’ve been doing a lot of PAC piles regarding the potential for a romantic relationship between me and an other person.

I’m getting the same cards consistently from different readers. The lovers and either the two or six of cups have been in every single one. The four of wands and ten of cups usually come up too, as well as the king and queen of pentacles. Also the devil and justice.

So all the readings tend to give me the same answer- this is destined to be a very strong, long lasting relationship that feels like something bigger than us is bringing us together, and that we’re connected at the crown chakra. They confirm the details of both our personalities and the age difference between us. But could this be because I’m really hoping that’s what the cards say (in a confirmation bias kind of way) as I’ve never felt like this about anyone? Thanks for taking the time to look at this!

I’m really sorry for the late answer.

Can your wishful thinking influence the pile you choose in a PAC?

Short answer: Yes.

Long answer: Since you mentioned PAC, I assume that you got the information from general readings. For your situation, I wouldn't rely on general readings. Because you already have an actual person in front of you, you are not manifesting a future spouse. Prioritize answers from personal readings, but even with this one, you need to take it with a grain of salt.

I'm going to share some stories and give some suggestions on what you can do about your situation.

Story 1:

I met this one guy, who I had a magnetic pull to. Long story short, some things happened and it's hard to believe they were all a coincidence. Plus, I dreamed of him more than I’ve ever dreamed about anyone; we were in a relationship in every dream I had. I had no feelings for him. I asked tarot what it meant, I got the love cards like you did. Nothing happened with the connection.

Story 2:

I did a personal reading for one querent. They said other readers described their relationship as something important, soul connection, etc. My querent then described the relationship to me. But from a logical point of view, I knew it was unhealthy. I could see that the other person was manipulative, I didn’t need tarot to tell me that. When I asked the cards about the relationship, positive love cards came up. But when I asked about the partner specifically, The Devil came up.

Story 3:

In Ma/ni/fest TV series, they have this character (Z) who was a super empath and could pick up on what people felt. Another character, (A), was showing weird behaviors. So people around her was kinda wary, especially since she usually spent time with a baby. They asked for (Z)'s help to determine (A)'s intention towards the baby. He said the woman truly loved the baby, he could feel the love. Guess what happened? The woman put herself and the baby in danger, trying to prove her belief that the baby was her savior.

What can we learn from these stories?

1. The connection with that guy might have been a soulmate connection. But I knew it would never work out because I was not in a place where I could be in a relationship, nobody made a move, and most importantly he showed qualities that would not lead to a stable relationship. The magnetic pull was probably due to astrology synastry (we have Pluto contacts), that’s all.

2. The Devil came up when I asked about the person. Positive love cards came up when I asked about the connection. Why do you think? I think in a tarot reading, we can get slightly different answers when we approach the situation from different angles. All answers can be true at the same time. You can feel a strong real connection with someone, who is also not a healthy partner.

3. (Z) thought the woman was okay because she truly loved the baby, but he forgot to take into account that emotions may be real, but they do not represent judgment. I know this is just a fiction, but it does have a good point. No matter how strong is the feeling, feeling alone is not enough to tell you whether something can work well or not.

Things you can do if you haven't:

1. Get a personal reading.

Just ask for a reading without giving too many details. This should prevent the reader from being influenced by your perspective. Buy several if you have the money.

Don't just ask "describe the relationship" or "are they my soulmate". Ask about things that can help you see other/practical aspects of the relationship, instead of purely the emotional aspect of it. Eg. Problems to pay attention to in the connection, what you are not seeing about it, the person's ability to be in a connection, etc.

2. Take a step back and consider pros and cons.

I don't know what life stage is the youngest one currently in. But with age gap, personally I would err on the side of caution. If you are the youngest one, especially if you are younger than 25, wait a few years before getting into a serious situation. Right now what you can do;

Consider pros and cons. You do this without tarot, and with a focus on practicality and logic. Think about the person's qualities, your qualities as well. Do these lead to a stable connection? What types of problems can these lead to? Read about signs of toxic behaviors, and see if you have these in your connection (whether they are coming from you or the other person). Etc.

Ask for other people's opinions (adults). Ask more than one person. My querent was hell-bent on the possibility that their partner was their ultimate soulmate, the connection was so strong and they had never met someone like that before, to the point that they excused the manipulative behaviors the partner showed.

Conclusion

The cards you got are pretty strong. But regardless what the cards are, the reliability of the cards (can you depend on them?) may vary depending on the question you ask and where you get them (personal or general reading).

Eg. If you ask about your person's opinion on the relationship; if they feel positively about it, positive cards will come up. But them feeling positive about it may not represent their ability to be in the connection. Does that make sense?

Just know that no matter how 'soulmate-esque' a connection is; the practical details are important. The connection may be real, but a relationship cannot work with just feelings. You need to consider what exists right now; who they are right now, who you are right now. Strong feelings can be valid, but these can also lead to questionable behaviors, which then determine the success/failure of the whole thing.

I'm not trying to make you overthink, don't fret about it. Just take some alone time and try what I suggested. You can consider emotions in your judgement, but make sure you explore the logical/practical side of the situation as well. Approach the situation from different angles.

#asks #tarot asks

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wisteria-lodge · 3 years

Text

lion primary (bird model) + slightly burnt lion secondary

Hi there! I’m a fan of your sorting posts, and of your kind and insightful way of supporting people in finding out more about themselves. So naturally I’d be very interested in your take about my own sorting, if you’re game! :)

I won’t talk much about my Secondary, because now that I’m starting to unburn my Lion seems very clear to me, even when my explosion-prone Badger model still tries to get in the way of that clarity sometimes. The more interesting riddle is my Primary. So far I’m operating under the working theory that I am a Lion with a very strong Bird model - or is it the other way ‘round?

The supposed dichotomy between “thinking” and “feeling” in many of the more binary personality models has always bugged me, so it’s no wonder this is the area where whenever I feel like I’ve decided on who I am (for now) a new question mark pops up (so much fun!).

If ‘thinking’ and ‘feeling’ doesn’t work for you as terminology, it might help to think of Lion as leading with subconscious reasoning, and Bird as leading with conscious reasoning.

Instead of trying to formulate a cohesive text, which would have gotten even longer, I’m putting together an associative list of thoughts and stories that kept turning up while I was trying to figure out my Primary.

A very Lion primary way to solve a problem, not gonna lie ;)

- I think I got my Bird model from my father, who made quite an effort to teach me to look at things from all angles. As a child, whenever I got in a fight with this friend I had, he would sit me down and ask me to put myself in my friend’s shoes. It was hard, because a lot of the time my friend was being unfair to me and I actually could have used some support, someone to tell me that it was not okay to treat me this way. But I’m still immeasurably grateful for my father’s lessons, through which I’ve learned to understand peoples’ motivations and gained an understanding for the complexities of every conflict. He also taught me to doubt, to look closer, to not just believe the first thing I see, or want to see. To this day I still consider my ability to pin down the relevant factors of a situation before I make judgments one of my strengths.

That definitely sounds like a very strong, beloved Bird model.

- Whenever I had to write an essay at school or uni, I first had to come up with some aspect about the subject that I really cared about, even could be passionate about. (I am passionate about many things, so it was usually possible to find some connection to that.) Then I would use the essay to discuss this aspect in great detail, ending with a polemic flourish. I had the time of my life doing that; meanwhile the text would structure itself magically in relation to the issue I had chosen to focus on. Whenever I tried to write without such a focus, I’d get bored, stressed and the text would be of a much lower quality.

- Something similar happened in oral exams at uni: Only when I got the opportunity to bring a discussion paper (a few pointed statements regarding the exam topic) which I could then debate, I was able to recollect all the important details I needed for that. If I just had to report on the topic or answer questions, I often got confused, to the point of drawing a complete blank.

Linking things to emotion and passion - thinking with emotion and passion, basically - is a Lion primary thing. Especially if doing that makes you feel safe & comfortable & effective & happy.

- Even as a teenager I was very interested in philosophy, ethics and moral decision making.

I love teaching philosophy to teenagers. It’s the perfect time for it, they are so into it, and if it were up to me I would absolutely make it a required class.

I picked up certain philosophical ideas and concepts that I liked and integrated them in my belief system (yes, I know how very Bird that sounds).

I had my mind blown by Genealogy of Morals in high school, and I still won’t shut about Eichmann in Jerusalem. But what was so staggering to me in high school was… here are these ways of thinking that are possible and allowed. The fact that here they are in words in front of me made me a great deal more expansive.

Now that I think about it — I don’t remember adjusting my beliefs as in any way traumatic back then. The shift from a belief in the Christian God to Mother Goddess to my very own brand of agnostic paganism was smooth, natural.

Now that I think about it… I would describe myself as a mythic relativist (which is a term I just made up.) Systems of belief are metaphors, and they’re metaphors trying to describe and say something large and beautiful about what it means to be human, and what it means to live a good life. And since we are all human, they are all attempting to describe the same central, indescribable thing in different ways.

I feel this very deeply, but it took me a long while to be able to articulate it.

I constantly reevaluate, and I adapt.

You stop reevaluating and adapting, might as well be dead.

Still, there are some basics I’ve kept with me that just make too much sense to me to give up, and some that perhaps I keep because I just really like them and I’m kind of attached to them.

… somebody’s thinking with Pathos :)

- I’m a constructivist at heart, so that makes it much easier to tweak the content of my beliefs while staying true to the principle that we (socially) construct our reality, and (my take on this): that I choose what kind of world I want to live in, and according to that I make choices which are the most likely to create that world.

- At uni I attended a seminar about the development of moral judgment and action. What I remember most clearly about it is how much it bugged me that the other students didn’t seem to understand that morality always depends on the perspective. Even though I had definite moral convictions that I was ready to fight for, at the same time it seemed obvious to me that theoretically there could be a justification for every kind of moral guideline; it depended on your principles and the world you wanted to live in.

A human after my own heart.

I wanted to understand these different perspectives, not talk about empty categories like “right and wrong” or “good and evil” that meant nothing to me. I still feel that way.

Absolutely. I don’t use alignments when I DM Dungeons & Dragons. I mean, I can list evil *things* but that’s not the same thing as defining *being evil.* I want to know WHY these people did these evil things.

It just seems so impractical and complicated to base a conversation on those broad categories that don’t have any definition people can agree on instead of referring either to defined principles (in order to explain what good/ bad is *for you*) or consequences of certain actions, and whether you want them/ accept them/ don’t want them.

Oh that’s a fun discussion. Asking a highschooler to define “evil.”

(and then they have to figure out what moral systems Jigsaw, Pinhead, the Joker, and Bane all subscribe to.)

- Between “the Revolutionary” and “the Grail Knight”, I would love to be the former, but I’m clearly the latter. I’m someone who questions, not someone who knows.

Take my archetypes with a grain of salt, they are supposed to describe characters. (Who are different from people - but still useful, because they are attempts to describe us.) I actually want to write more about the differences I see between the way fictional secondaries are written and the way real-life secondaries work.

And just “knowing”... is dangerous. That’s how Exploded Lions happen.

There are a lot of causes I find worthy to fight for, but I haven’t committed to any one, which so far I’ve attributed to my Burned Secondary (How do I do things?).

Sounds about right.

If I’m honest, though, it feels a bit strange to really, really fight for anything. I’d rather contribute to the cause by keeping an eye on whether we stay aligned to our values on every level of the fight, not by storming sightlessly in front of some army. (I got polemic again, didn’t I? ;))

So after all this Bird talk, why do I think that I’m a Lion?

… that was the Bird segment?

- I trust my intuition. It has never steered me wrong, with one exception: My Primary burned for a time when I first understood the concept of privilege and internalized bias, which was coincidentally at a time when I also went through a lot of changes in my personal life. Like many people unaware of their own privilege, I had thought of myself as “one of the good ones”. I learned that even with the best intentions I could cause great harm without even noticing it. This then also happened to me in a relationship, when I was already confused, hurt and more than a bit burned. It seemed like I couldn’t trust my intuition anymore, but I also couldn’t figure out intellectually what to believe, because I felt mentally overwhelmed by all those new concepts, all of which put my previous convictions into question. Which Primary burned then?

Been there, done that, it’s brutal. It sounds to me like a Lion dramatically changing direction - that’s what I mean when I say that it *hurts* when a Lion changes their mind. Birds see their past selves that thought wrong as almost different people. “I wasn’t aware of my privilege then, now I am, and can take steps doing forward.” But if you’re a lion it’s like… I *should* have been aware, and the fact that I wasn’t says something terrible about my moral/emotional calibration, and THAT has to be put right.

- I felt like everything I had learned about the world and myself didn’t count anymore. My concepts and my strategies didn’t serve me anymore. So I started to rebuild everything from scratch, this time with less pride and more practicality.

Yeah. That’s some Lion recalibration. With a Bird Model, to help.

- Anyway, I trust my intuition. It contains my experiences, instinct and all my accumulated unconscious observations of the situation, and it’s very reliable. Usually I use it as an important source of information which I try to back up with data/ understanding, but when push came to shove and the apparent facts would contradict what my intuition told me, I would be unable to set my gut feeling aside. I wouldn’t follow it blindly, of course. But I would never just go against it either. If the voices of my unconscious and conscious mind don’t align, I keep poking at the issue until they do. If I absolutely cannot come to a satisfying conclusion, I go with my gut. Since I know it usually knows what it’s doing, I’ll find out the reasons for my feelings later. (Weird, says my inner bird who is busy compiling these examples.)

I’LL FIND THE REASON FOR MY FEELINGS LATER. What a perfect way of articulating what is perhaps the central experience of being a Lion primary.

- Probably I’m just both, you know. Some interesting lion/bird-chimaera. I like it.

I read you as a pretty clear Lion Primary, Bird primary model. But as always, the decision is very personal.

- I have a weird way of processing information: I read/ hear it, work to understand it, work to connect it to existing knowledge in my mind, then my beliefs, my existing knowledge and my feelings about it all wind around each other, grow into each other, some dissolve together, becoming a swamp which then nourishes the plants of new ideas and connections that grow from it.

You grok it. And that’s not weird.

I often can’t remember where certain knowledge came from. I can’t take it out of a memory shelf and tell you about it. I usually remember that I’ve read a certain book and whether I liked it / it influenced me, but I won’t exactly remember what was in it, even if it was important to me. Because all that information is already processed/ digested/ transformed into something new. It’s much easier to access my memory swamp intuitively than consciously.

and you seriously had like… any doubt that you were a Lion.

In intellectual discussions I tend to get stuck because I just can’t remember enough of the details (for my satisfaction), just my conclusions about the topic and how I feel about it.

I’m inclined to think that not accessing the details is either a secondary thing, or an entirely unrelated processing thing.

What do you make of all this? I’m very curious!

[On an unrelated note, I’d like to specify the compliment I made at the beginning of this post. I’m really impressed with your ability to pick up on what people need, not just what they say they want. As a counselor this is a skill I try to hone, so I know how difficult it is to not get too distracted by the story people tell and miss the more subtle cues. You have a powerful combination of perceptiveness, insight and so much kindness, which you use to effectively support people who have questions, are in distress or confused. You don’t generalize. You don’t judge. You see the people who talk to you. I love that you’re a teacher, because I can see you’re using the influence that gives you in a way that contributes to making the world a better place. Fellow Idealist, I’d like to give you a High Five for that, if I may. :)))]

I’m not sure I’ve ever been given a better compliment. Thank you.

#submission #sortinghatchats #lion primary #lionpri #bird primary vs lion primary #philosophy stuff

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buffaloborgine · 3 years

Text

Of Zack Fair, Genesis Rhapsodos and the strange narrative POV of FFVII-Crisis Core (Part IV conclusion)

Part I: https://buffaloborgine.tumblr.com/post/650462647672766464/of-zack-fair-genesis-rhapsodos-and-the-strange

Part IVb: https://buffaloborgine.tumblr.com/post/657521891798614016/of-zack-fair-genesis-rhapsodos-and-the-strange

_______________________________________

Warning: As always, I copy paste this warning over and over just in case you ignore it and keep reading down.

“This series is very controversial, it may not fit with what you know or remember about Crisis Core. So please, read the former parts (I did put the link to Part I in case you are new reader) before putting your foot further down below.”

Also, as a new issue rising with this part, I emphasize this again READ THE OTHER PARTS. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, I put that phrase like two times in just this warning.

P/s: I welcome all kind of discussion. I love discussion. But this subject is an OBJECTIVE subject, please make sure to keep your bias and prejudice out of discussion, also, I don’t welcome character dissing or using fallacies in arguments, thank you.

_______________________________________

Summary of part IVa and IVb:

- Zack’s POV has a lot of misleading aspect, it makes you deliberately choose to look away from the bigger problem and focus on the smaller but more appealing problem to your eyes.

- Sephiroth, whether he really makes an astounding achievement in the Wutai War or not, is still used as a propaganda by Shinra to lure in new recruits for the war. This process was repeating over and over, and since Shinra treat SOLDIER members with inequality, there is not a single other SOLDIER gets the privilege to be hailed as “Hero” like Sephiroth.

- Genesis, Angeal, Sephiroth, Lazard, and of course the whole SOLDIER department along with President Shinra know about this unfair working ethic circling around. But they developed different reactions towards the situations, resulting in Genesis leading a large group of 2nd and 3rd to go rebelling against Shinra (with the secret help of Lazard) while the others stay loyal to Shinra (like Sephiroth), or eventually coming up to their own demises through paradoxical ideology (like Angeal).

So the final problem of this part is: Why are most of us feeling alright with all of these above?

Please take this into account when you think about this problem: Crisis Core was the last release of the Compilation, I mean, the team released three games (FFVII Original, Before Crisis and Dirge of Cerberus), one movie (Advent Children), two novels (On the Way to a Smile and The Children are Alright) ahead of Crisis Core. Even if you don’t have access to the novels and Before Crisis, you would have at least playing through OG/DoC or watched Advent Children, right? Then the team of writers/directors have established “Shinra is an evil company” in your head. This fact was repeated over and over throughout all the Compilation.

But then…

You came to Crisis Core.

And you became like a new player.

You suddenly, abruptly forgot that “Shinra is an evil company”.

Without you recognizing it, you felt that working for Shinra may be fine…

You have become Zack.

But, halt there for a second. If you have read all through this theory, and I thank you for doing so, you would be having two types of reaction:

- You feel like “Yeah, I did suspect that. I mean, it doesn’t feel right as I played through the game.”

- You feel like “Why didn’t I notice this before?”

And you would be surprised that the more you think you know about FFVII before you reach Crisis Core, you have higher chance to fall to the second option. New players, who only entered the fandom for a short while, or played Crisis Core as their very first game to get on with FFVII will fall for the first option.

This is a result of an effect called as “Dunning-Kruger effect”.

Dunning-Kruger effect is a hypothetical cognitive bias stating that people with low ability at a task overestimate their ability. Notably, the bias results from an internal illusion in people of low ability and from an external misperception in people of high ability; that is, “the miscalibration of the incompetent stems from an error about the self, whereas the miscalibration of the highly competent stems from an error about others”.

With players who have had a lot of time with the franchise before Crisis Core, Dunning-Kruger effect happened when they spent time with other parts and thought that they have understood most of what are represented in FFVII, thus, they came to Crisis Core, thinking confidently that “Yeah, I know the basic set up of the story, I know this, I know that, so nothing can really surprised me.” This thinking eventually leading to them not paying enough attention at the details hidden in plain sight, like, yeah, you know Shinra is evil, and Zack was still thinking that working for Shinra is right, and then you think that whoever opposed Zack must be bad, while you didn’t recognize that you are also saying whoever opposing Shinra is bad. Just thinking like the writers/directors dug a very big hole right in front of your eyes with all stuff released before Crisis Core, you saw them doing so, but yet you still step into that hole.

With players who came to Crisis Core after they go through Remake, well, then they literally have very little knowledge about FFVII. They came to Crisis Core to gain more knowledge, but, problem is, they already have the bias from Remake. I mean, who really don’t get any info from the fandom? In example, with that “Sephiroth is just a victim, him burning down Nibelheim is just a tantrum” circling around the fandom, they easily get the prejudice that “Sephiroth was just a victim, he is not guilty of anything”, while in fact, Sephiroth burning down Nibelheim was because he thinks he is the last surviving Cetra, he was superior over humans and the he was destined to ruled over the Planet, and to be fair, you can’t say that “burning the whole town and murdering the people there just because of believing oneself to be superior than the others” is not guilty. The misconception echoing throughout the fandom, or fanon, usually got to the new players faster than the canon itself. Therefore, without a proper checking, these new players suffered the Dunning-Kruger effect, they tend to believe in what they read/hear from other people in the fandom with too much confidence that they don’t even check it for themselves, resulting in the misunderstanding of Crisis Core’s problem.

However, if you are an old fans or a recently new player who just played Remake and came to Crisis Core, and still feel that the narrative here is a bit weird, then congratulation, you have dodged the Dunning-Kruger effect. Yay!

After all, I can’t claim that my writing in this whole theory thing is right. It’s all just my speculation, and I won’t force you to accept my speculation. I wrote this all out is for discussion.

And yet, there are more to discuss about the narrative of Crisis Core, although, if you read up to this point of this theory, you have to admit that the writers/directors of Crisis Core played you like a fiddle. They know how you would look upon the game, and they actually wrote it in a way to fool you.

_______________________________________

Thanks for coming to my Ted-Talk. I will see you next time, with a different problem to discuss.

Part Va: https://buffaloborgine.tumblr.com/post/658885243477032960/of-zack-fair-genesis-rhapsodos-and-the-strange

#FFVII #Final Fantasy VII #FFVII Crisis Core #Genesis Rhapsodos #Zack Fair #Angeal Hewley #Sephiroth #FFVII Theory

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nightswithkookmin · 3 years

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Hii, me again. 😅

Jungkook made a three syllable poem with "min yoongi" name. At the last name of "Gi" He made yoonmin. Is he try to expose that yoonmin is a thing/ or real??

Ahjumma.... why are you being like this?

What did I do to deserve this ghettory?😟 It's too early in the year to be this ghetto uno.

Don't be like that😒

You are asking me, Goldy- GOLDY of all shippers, if I think JEON JUNGKOOK is confirming his boyfriend of seven years and counting is in a relationship with another member within the same group...

Doing what exactly in that relationship??

Is JK cockholding? What's going on.

KWENCHANAYO?!

You think BTS will survive two members dating the same guy in the same group???

Never mind that it's Jeon Jungkook and Park freaking Jimin- Mr I'm greedy and Mr I don't share my friends.

Like make it make sense to me please😭

After everything we've been said on my blogs for months now, you still asking me this??

You are bold, I'll give you that.

Now tell me slowly and in coherent words why I shouldn't pull your hair and give you three quick punches to your throat- ninja style👀

Someone get her before I snap their neck💀

For the last time-

NEITHER 🤺OF🤺JIKOOK🤺 IS 🤺 WAS🤺 HAS🤺 HAD🤺 PURPORTS TO HAVE🤺 WOULD HAVE HAD🤺 COULD HAD HAD🤺 HAD HAD HAD🤺IS HAVING 🤺 ANY 🤺ROMANTIC🤺 FEELINGS🤺WHATSOEVER 🤺 DESIRE🤺CRAVING🤺 WET DREAMS🤺 YEARNING🤺 PASSION🤺ATTRACTION🤺 AMOROUS 🤺INTENT🤺TOWARDS🤺 ANY🤺🤺MEMBER🤺 IN🤺 BTS🤺BESIDES🤺 EACH🤺 OTHER🤺

GET🤺 OUT 🤺OF🤺 YOUR🤺 IMAGINATION🤺

If you are new to the shipping community I suggest you familiarize yourself with every ships dynamics or at least Jikooks- if multishipping isn't exactly your thing.

Jikook's entire dynamics is founded on JK teasing JM to death. It's their thing.

He's said he enjoys teasing Jimin because he loves Jimin's reaction to when he's being teased. In fact, the entire group have said same about Jimin.

Did you see JM's reaction to when JK called out the Yoonmin comment in the dynamite reaction VLive?

Did you see RMs reaction too?

He is trying Jimin with these Yoonmin jokes. He's gonna get stabbed. Lmho.

Jimin reacts strongly to when JK in particular teases him with ships, Yoonmin more recently. Yet he didn't seem to mind when V did it.

V used to be the biggest Yoonminer on the planet rooting for and encouraging certain interactions between Yoonmin. Lmho.

Jimin himself perpetuates Yoonmin as a ship.

It would be an insult on his intelligence for anyone to assume he didn't know exactly why people ship two people together or what interactions and moments is considered a moment in shipping sphere.

Statements like, why can't Suga hyung look me in the eye, why does he say I'm irreplaceable to him, insinuates something and he knows this.

Once upon a time, JK couldn't look you in the eyes too. Still can't sometimes.

Jimin has a presence and he has a hold on these men and he knows it.

He goes out of his way to create the impression he and Suga have a very close bond and dynamic- I'm sold on it. Lol.

'5 Jms? As expected. You'll fall in love with them' not sure if JM said the last bit in the BE.TS Vlive, yall check for me.

It's crazy then that he turns around to react the way he does when JK teases him with his ship with Suga.

It seems to me, Jimin knows the intent and energy behind such seemingly harmless jokes- JK can be petty and passive aggressive with these things. You'd think he is joking but deep down he would be pouting and throwing tantrums behind cams🤧

It's Jimin apologizing and looking like his spirit left his body as he sat on the edge of JK's bed in the new Jersey VLive for me.

He needs to free Jimin.

Talk of things I'm getting too old for- Let's talk about why he posted his version of the bridge in disease online🤧

Not to say he shouldn't have posted it. I support that he did wholeheartedly. Deadass found his groove since he started unbuttoning the front of his shirts in 2020.

He's reclaiming the spotlight, putting himself at the forefront unlike before where he'd resigned himself to a supportive role watching his hyungs be at the center of things.

Now he's been talking about that he wants have sexy dance performances like Jimin, write rap melodies for RM, share his own music, try on a solo career one day- we get it. You found yourself Mr I'm independent asserting myself yall better fuxk off but chilee not at the expense of Jimin! 🤺

I mean it's a broad spotlight and they both can share it but damn is someone changing drastically. Not sure if I should be proud or terrified.

It's great and amazing and I'm really truly happy with where he's at mentally and physically since 2020- it's a great sign, don't get me wrong. Significant improvement. His becoming is long over due but he didn't have to grab the spotlight from Jimin like that.

Jk vs JM isn't something I'm a fan of.

It's a shame it didn't work out? What do you mean JK. I'm sorry but Jimin's version is amazing too!😟

What the actual hell JK😭

Back it up. This is not how to Jikook🤺

On guard sir🤺 on guard🤺

Dude did Jimin dirty🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧

I need a refund😭😭😭😭

Here I was waiting for y'all to get on your Jikook agenda and post that first Jikook selca of the year and you are there shipping Jimin with your bandmate and thiefing his shine. Who taught you that?!😥

Y'all are competitive but y'all don't compete with eachother's shine! JIKOOK 101😭😭😭

You share it😥

Show me where in the books this new development falls under. Show me

You winging it and it's unconstitutional😟

I rebuke it in Jesus name!

Someone beam me up.

You got these 13 year olds coming in my DMs telling me you are not supportive of your man's career.

I don't have time for this shit.

SOMEONE BEAM ME UP! Kirk!

If you've watched their Be behind video, and you've seen Jin talk about how RM complained to him when Tae chose Suga's version over his version you'd know where JK is coming from or where I think he is coming from having JMs version chosen over his.

Watch their Be self interview on yt too.

He said there's a melody he worked on for RM and when Jhope thought he got snubbed he recommended he release it instead- to quench his artistic drive perhaps.

That is why he released this song. He did it for himself. Like he said, he won't put out a song unless he was confident about it.

Suga have said time and again how the music and melodies they create never go to waste because they can repurpose it like he did with Telepathy I think.

Even JK explained he was reserving the melody he made for RM for a future group song.

He could have repurposed this or something.

When Jin talked about V vs JM's Christmas song and kept repeating how much he preferred Jimin's song to Tae's because Jimin"s was bright and upbeat, he made sure to clarify he wasn't implying Tae's song was bad. He was just indicating preference.

I won't lie, I was happy he preferred my bias's song but it made my VMin heart ache a little.

V and JM made very different songs, they shouldn't be compared to eachother in that way.

I don't like competitions. And I don't like when two artists are pit against eachother- which is exactly what these two versions of the bridge is doing out here.

I will literally die if in an interview JM is asked about his part and JK isn't. I can't do this😭

Those saying JM's is better make me sick, and those saying JK's is better make me nauseous. They both great. Point blank purr.

What's even more heartbreaking is hearing how excited he really was to share that bit with Army. Dude's eyes was glistening and everything. His bunny smile! 😥

Thats what makes this very hard for me.

The JJK in me is overjoyed and excited that he is doing things that make him really happy. I'm proud of him.

But the PJM in me just😕

I even feel more guilty that I prefer JM's version this time around😭😭😭😭

I feel like I'm betraying JK🤧

I was so happy seeing JM recieve all the love and attention I know he deserves.

Then here comes his boyfriend

'Hold up what about me!' Lol.

Imagine if RM releases the version of Blue and grey he made for Tae and it turns out we prefer that to the version Tae chose💀

Imagine that.

This has been a recurring theme throughout late 2020 to date. Jk's been choosing authenticity and self interests and passions over anything else and I couldn't be more happy for him.

Like we discussed, he's been learning to compromise too lately, which is great.

But honey this is a red flag. Deadass.

To me anyways😏

I've been a strong advocate for a certain level of independence and detachment in Jikook's dynamics because they lowkey exhibited codependency tendencies in their dynamics which is great for us shippers but not so great in the long run for their relationship or them as individuals .

Maybe I'm thinking out loud and prematurely here. I mean we are only beginning to have intimate access to their raw unscripted selves.

I don't think it's not that much of a big deal. RM and JM have equally shared their own versions of fake love on the internet but it is an interesting development in their dynamic to me.

I remember how happy JM was about his version of fake love, and it remains to date one of my favorite beats even though he was just spewing nonsense on that track. Lol.

He was so excited when he shared it with JK and Jin. He said when he showed it to JK the first time, JK said he loved it very much- how loving and supportive is that!

More of this please. Thank you.

PMS is a bitch y'all🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Has me in my feels about this.

I'm pretty sure JM is the one that even encouraged him to share his part in the first place. Won't put it past him.

'Ya Jungkook, release your version too'

'Army will love it'

'Right but I don't want it to seem like- Goldy is crazy you know'

'Goldy who now?'

'What about the thirteen year old fans-'

'Aht aht aht Who cares about them.'

Lmho.

I mentioned a few times on here how I felt JM seemed to have been demanding 'space' and a little bit of breathing room in their dynamic which was causing a little bit of tension here and there middle 2019 through to March last year and it all sounds like drama and speculation but...

May be if I told y'all I am a witch and my analysis of their relationship is based on mediums, phantom whisperers, empathetic readings or tarot cards y'all will leave me alone?🤥

Y'all don't seem to have a problem with the witches and empaths who be doing the same shit I do out here😒

Like we are all 'reading' these mens!

There's nothing wrong with 'psychoanalytically' evaluating a ship you know? Chilee.

Imma call myself a witch if it will get y'all off my back😹😹😹😹

I mentioned JK equally embarking on his own journey to assert himself within the group and within the relationship due to this?

But damn I did not see this one coming.

This is a red flag for me. And no, it doesn't mean they are broken up or having issues in their relationship.

Jk's TMI indicates they still been spending a lot of time together.

This is just a sign there's too much independence in their dynamic now- if you know what I mean.

Relationships flourish based on how attached we are to people- too much attachment is a problem, too little attachment is equally bad.

Jikook have always had a problem with over attachment in their dynamics in my opinion, to the point it was lowkey unhealthy- the jealousy, not being able to 'act professionally' within a group and work environment, having problems with being separated however briefly, constantly wanting to be where the other is etc.

Less attachment isnt necessarily a bad thing either. It means less of all the 'toxic' aspects of their relationship that over attachment brings but too much of that too can trigger anxiousness and insecurity and resentment.

Especially if one of them hates change. Cough Jimin.

With that comes all the wild aspects of love such as possessiveness, jealousy and I know JM doesn't do too well in that department...

In my opinion, I see JM as having a problem when JK breathes down his neck emotionally speaking, and at the same time he has a problem when he is too emotionally distant.

All this is interesting to me.

Who do I need to talk to to give me more of Jikook interactions individually or jointly?

I want to see more of their interactions beyond the overly staged, dramatized fanservice and official content.

Spending a lot of time around eachother and eating each other's ramen- pun intended, does not reflect on how intimate you are.

Intimacy requires depth and depth requires attachment.

How you treat eachother's needs and goals, dreams and desires is equally indicative of the intimacy in your relationship.

That has always been one distinctive quality of Jikook's ship.

And so I wonder the thought process that went into this decision. I know JM wouldn't object to JK sharing things like these or doing things that make him happy even if it has the potential to impact his own shine in any way.

Jikook don't compete against eachother.

I keep saying this.

Remember when I said I found it sus that JK was lying there staring at JM with his hands in between his legs?

Did yall see what the run editors said when JM and JK went up against each in the pool?

'Jikook don't play by the rules'

Jimin had to push JK in the water to end whatever ancient sex ritual foreplay rooted in kamasutra they had going on. Bless him.

And in so doing, he lost to JK.

Whenever they go up against eachother, one of them intentionally lose even though they are both very competitive.

Isn't that why JK said he'd rather 5 Jms so he can watch them compete against eachother?

When JK first made that post, I felt it was out of pettiness or a move to 'humble' JM.

I thought of when he'd posted that photo of himself with a hickey after JM had 'dated' him during the JinMinKook live.

I rolled my eyes and asked, 'what yall gays up to this time?' Why you out here humbling your man?

Anywho chilee we will never know.

At ease.

Signed,

GOLDY

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btsandvmin · 3 years

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Jimin is REALLY REALLY SWEET AND FLIRTY with EVERYONE. Even to his friends outside BTS. But aside from what they said in the song Friends, why do you think what he and Taehyung has is EXTRA special?

I mean, for me personally I think there are a lot of things. Sometimes big and sometimes really really small. I can’t really go through every moment over 7 years to show why I think Vmin is more special. It’s also of course not to be ignored that I have a clear bias for Vmin’s relationship that can affect my perception a lot.

Here is one example where Jimin directly says he doesn’t think the other members will fully understand his and Taehyung’s relationship and why Taehyung cried while reading his letter to Jimin. Of course this is a very personal letter and something just between them, but it’s a moment that shows that Vmin’s bond is something even the two of them has pointed out as something the other members might not fully understand. So, how can we as outsiders even completely understand the weight behind Vmin’s bond?

But if I just put it into a very short list of general reasons without going into detail I really don’t have to say much and you will likely be able to think of several more moments yourself outside the examples I give.

On the top of my head here are some of the reasons I find Vmin special:

They label each other as soulmates, this is one of the closest things you can refer to another person as and they have on top of this used many other expressions to describe their relationship that seem to make it special like Jimin saying “you are more than a best friend, you’re my savior” or similar statments. Especially from Taehyung with his “my one an only best friend” or “I only have you” tweet moments. Something he has stated loudly in front of all the other members, who seemed to just think that it’s obvious that Tae would pick Jimin above anyone else in the group.

Their bias towards each other. Now this is really something that might be my exaggeration, but in a lot of moments it just seems like they give each other a lot of special treatment. From Taehyung seeming biased towards Jimin on his weverse post to Jimin constantly praising Tae for basically doing nothing but excisting. For example how Jimin in Festa 2020 highlighted Tae as the winner of most handsome face even though JK had won the same title more recent than Taehyung. Not to mention for example how they often express a want to sleep together. They seem fine to share with all members, but seem to choose each other if they can and have definitely expressed a want of sharing with each other the most.

They are very emotionally attuned and attentive towards each other. From what I can see for example it seems they use the phrase “I love you” the most amongst the members. Jimin do express it a lot but if you look at compilations I think we likely will find that he says it to Taehyung the most. We also have them noticing each other like how Tae bought the needle and thread for Jimin in Malta.

The other members have many times pointed out how close Vmin are and how special their relationship is. This is BTS who are already super close and like a family coming to say Vmin in particular are even closer. This has been consistant through many years.

Even people outside of the members have often noted on the closeness between Vmin, everything from their own Big Hit staff crying about “Friends” to people who doesn’t know BTS saying they were “all over each other” behind the scenes of filming the ON performance. There are many examples. Basically people often seem to comment on both their physical and emotional closeness.

The songs. I know you asked besides “Friends” but it really can’t be ignored just how much this song says and alligns with other things Vmin has said about each other, like wanting to stay together after BTS. Not to mention we have at least 4 o’clock and Taehyung’s Christmas song as well that show just how much Jimin mean to Taehyung.

Typically romantic gestures towards or with each other. It really happens a lot between Vmin, like sending finger hearts, holding hands for no reason or other things like Jimin giving heart shaped balloons to Taehyung and saying “this is my love for you”. I made a whole post about Vmin acting very similar to the couple in The Notebook (HERE), and there are way more examples even beyond that.

The way they protect and stand up for each other, even Namjoon telling us they have excuses for each other “No way Jimin did this” etc. It’s the way Jimin stayed behind when Tae and Jin had an argument to the point that Jin got annoyed, or how staff called Jimin over when they noticed Taehyung was crying.

How the other members somtimes seem to leave them alone (when Vmin got to be paired up twice in Malta when Tae showed up) and in some cases even give off the feeling like they are intruding (like Hobi when Jimin and Tae are doing roleplay in the kitchen in BV4).

It’s the way Vmin so often express wanting to do things together, sometimes just to do it together. Like Jimin doing the same things he already did in Malta but he wanted to share them with Taehyung. Or how Jimin goes with Tae to horse riding but doesn’t even ride a horse. Or how Tae literally says he won’t do the bungy thing unless Jimin does it at first.

It’s the way they keep saying they will get closer and how they clearly put in so much effort into their relationship. How they stated in 2013 that they were best friends, or in 2016 that they were 100% in closeness and yet keep talking quite often about getting closer or how they “weren’t close yet” when speaking of the past. Mind you that Tae wrote the “I only have you” tweet in 2014 and said before debut that he would love for such a friend like Jimin to debut with him. And yet, here we are, looking over 7 years how they just seem to get closer and closer and now have a song about how strong their relationship is and how they consider each other soulmates.

And on top of that we have the moments that might not be uniqe to them but still show a lot of love and intimacy, like their skinship being very intimate and how much they pay attention to each other in general and give each other compliments or shows appriciation for each other. We know 95z is love, and it can be seen both in their interactions, statements and reactions from other people around them.

Basically all members obviously has a very strong bond but Vmin have a lot of things they do more often or that seems to indicate they are perhaps even more close than other members. I probably even forgot something, because I just wrote this on the top of my head. And there are just so many things between Vmin that I think makes them special it’s going to be hard to name them all. Of course none of these things have to mean Vmin are a couple, but I do think it shows how important they are to each other and how special their bond is to them and in the eyes of people around them.

Thanks for the ask. I hope you found this a good read because Vmin’s love for each other is honestly so wonderful. Vmin are for sure very special, and no matter what their relationship is I don’t think that can be denied.

#vmin #jimin #taehyung #vmin analysis #vmin are soulmates #95z is love #btsandvmin ask #btsandvmin answer #btsandvmin #vmin is special #what kind of special is up for discussion

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