#also i changed the actual scenery a lot and for this i apologize. i only had my ref up for the rough sketchand then the colors

[cervideity]

#four swords #four swords adventures #thumbs up at the camera. enviornment practice and also just. for the sake of me doing actual lineart for an enviornment. #like see? i can do that!!!!! #unfortunately my logic for coloring and shadows was once again: whee im having fun :D #also i changed the actual scenery a lot and for this i apologize. i only had my ref up for the rough sketchand then the colors #also i like this picture bc of the zora milliseconds away from death #hope the water looks good. lotta stuff on that #so much is in wip rn. help me for i am heavily burdened

[retrieve-the-kraken]

Heartstopper season 2 play-by-play analysis

We’re in Paris! I can’t believe the Paris trip takes up so much of the time of the season. I do love the pacing of the season, and how they distributed events and moments throughout it, making the most of the locations and situations. I know that most interior scenes were filmed back in the UK, but they really squeezed as much as they could from their stay in Paris (and I need all the bts content from that, what we’ve gotten so far is not enough!). Like Trixie Mattel and Katyana said, only two things can shut down the Louvre: Beyonce and Hearstopper, apparently, who would have thought? It felt like such a nice change of scenery, and really gave the show and the characters a whole new dimension.

On with the episode!

EPISODE 4 - CHALLENGE

- The coach is Blue and Yellow™. And of course a lot of green, especially in the form of Charlie’s iconic green Fjällräven backpack and Nick’s hoodie.

- Nick being super sad about not sitting with Charlie, and Charlie trying to be all upbeat about it, and challenging him to not kiss him for two days. I love their banter.

- Tao’s miserable face as he realizes that, not only is Nick sitting with him for the trip, but Elle doesn’t want to sit with him either. And Nick is oblivious to the fact that the date didn’t go well…

- Ben clearly doesn’t realize how indiscreet he is about his fixation with Charlie. Even Isaac notices something strange is up.

- Ugh, I loooove how much we’re slowly inching our way to finding out more about Isaac. I love that he asks Charlie how he knew he liked Nick, and how he’s trying to figure out how this compares to how he feels about James. God, if that hasn’t been my entire life before I realized too…

- If nobody had told me that Kit Connor didn’t speak French before, I would have simply thought “wow, how lucky that they found the perfect Nick Nelson AND he happens to speak French already.” (I really don’t know if it sounds good or not, but it convinced me…) Also Nick’s little excited face when he’s talking to his dad, because he’s still excited about the possibility of seeing his dad, he hasn’t come to the realization that the effort should come from both parts.

- Also Tao’s face when he realizes that Nick is speaking fluent French and he’s not hearing things. And their cute little bonding moment talking about it. Even when Elle looks over at them, they seem to be looking at something (on a phone?) and talking and laughing. Bonding!

- Mr Farouk actually having a little smile on his face when they’re finally in Paris.

- Ugh, seriously, what is up with Ben??? He doesn’t care about even playing it off for Imogen, and she very quickly catches on.

- “I thought you’d find it awkward sharing with Nick. Just standing next to Elle makes me feel like I’m being electrocuted.” I don’t think I’m quite on board with this completely, seeing as in the show Tao already knows about Nick and Charlie… I thought it would have made more sense if he’d been more like “I just want to make sure that there’s no hanky-panky whilst we’re all in the same room,” and then Charlie could get all flustered and go “ugh you sound like my dad, and no, we’re not doing any of that, not yet…”

- But I love that we got the handholding scene across the space between the beds.

- The teachers being so awkward and adorable. Now kyth!

- Tao should have apologized to Elle for what he said, but at least he extended an olive branch in the form of a bottle of apple juice. And she accepted.

- The dynamic between Nick and Charlie has seriously become so perfect and in tune, the way that Joe and Kit riff off each other whilst being perfectly in character is just chef’s kiss.

- Darcy interrupting the kiss made me think of an ideal world in which Darcy gets adopted by Sara, and the Golden Retriever siblings fight about stupid things all the time, like who’s more in love with their respective partner, and who do they think Nellie loves more, and she continuously barges into Nick’s room when Nick and Charlie are making out and goes “sorry for interrupting the gayness, but I can’t find my phone charger, can I borrow yours? Thank you, my twin. You may proceed with the gayness.”

- “I need a drink. An alcoholic drink.” “We probably shouldn’t drink.” “I need a croissant then”. Number one on the quotes that I’m glad made it right off the comic page.

- “Mischief maker. I’ve influenced you.”

- The I heart Paris hoodie, and Darcy touching the bust’s boobs. Peak Darcy.

- James saying that it’s nice to be with other gay people, and Isaac looking a bit uncomfortable… honey, just because doesn’t seem to respond to people of the opposite sex doesn’t automatically make them gay. Unless he’s using gay as an umbrella term…? Instead of queer…? James knows about Darcy and Tara, and about Charlie, but he doesn’t know about Nick, or presumably Sahar. He’s making assumptions about Isaac.

- Nick not getting why people continue to be fascinated by the fact that he speaks French, or the fact that his dad is French. He’s such an oblivious little pumpkin.

- And that heart to heart between Charlie and Tara. “Me and her were all that mattered.” And Tara being jealous about how Charlie and Nick talk about their feelings.

- The Tao and Elle conversation and whole cutesy montage. And Tao making the French tourists crouch for the photo and everything, figuring out how to talk to them without actually speaking French.

- Peak Ben Hope, seeing Nick waving at Imogen and immediately pulling her toward him, in this horribly possessive manner. Glad that Imogen got fed up with him and bolted. Poor thing has been miserable since arriving at Paris because of Ben, and she at least approaches Nick’s group to ask if she can hang out, which could not have been easy (especially to Nick, with whom she had a disagreement).

- By the way, Imogen in her Paris outfit is giving off major Margot Robbie in Barbie vibes.

- Elle asking Imogen if she even likes Ben, which you can tell that Nick so badly wanted to ask (Elle and Nick even exchange knowing glances), but he didn’t because he knew that he had already tried to warn Imogen about Ben, and maybe she won’t listen to him, but she’ll probably listen to another girl.

- Imogen jumping on the TaoElle ship. “Maybe I don’t have the best track record in relationships (looks knowingly at Nick and he laughs), but I think being honest is better than living with regret”. Yes, Imogen. Like when she took a chance and told Nick that she liked him and then asked him out, and even though he didn’t reciprocate, they still ended up as friends, and he’s so protective of her, and he’s probably the best friend she didn’t know she needed.

- Nick internalizing what Imogen just said too.

- Will Gao is so histrionic, I adore him.

- The whole montage of Mr Farouk arguing (is he arguing? Sorry, but to me French men always sound like their arguing) with the waiter without any subtitles, and then going something about no onions and something else and “I’m serious, big man, I get bloated, it’s not funny, cheers”, made me think for a moment that I want to learn French just so that I can know what he was saying. (The moment has passed).

- The whole Nick and Charlie trying not to sit together all the time majorly backfiring when Ben ends up next to Charlie. The horror. Charlie turns his body toward Tao as much as he can without actually sitting sideways, and Nick is about to throw his whole body across the table.

- Detective Imogen is fully on it now, she’s about to blow this whole case wide open.

- I’ve had escargot and I’m never doing that again. It was fun to try, but yeah, I also felt bad for my terrible decision.

- I may never completely understand the magnitude of Charlie’s eating disorders, because I can’t imagine what that’s like (I used to think that I might have an ED because I’m often so particular about food, because of my anxiety, and at times textures and strong flavors can be overwhelming, but I’ve learned to deal with it, the way I managed to overcome it on my own was kind of similar to the way that Noora from SKAM did, but it was never of the magnitude of Charlie or Noora), but I understand the pressure of “oh shit I ordered this and now I have to eat it because people are watching but I really don’t want to” and fearing making myself sick because of the pressure and the shame and the anxiety of feeling trapped in that situation. Made worse, in Charlie’s case, by Ben sitting next to him and actively looking at him.

- “I haven’t spoken to you in ages”. Sir, that is not a coincidence, there’s a reason for it. Don’t pretend like you don’t know it, SIR.

- I love the panicked look on Nick’s face as Ben starts talking to Charlie. He had seen the seating arrangement and panicked, but then he relaxed for a bit, probably thinking “nah, this asshole wouldn’t dare try to say anything to Charlie in front of everyone, he wouldn’t be so bold”, but then Ben is inexplicable… So Nick nearly rushes off his seat to Charlie’s side to do what? Ask Ben to switch seats with him? Just wedge himself in there until the meal is over? He probably has not a clue what he’ll do but by GOD he will stop this interaction before his boyfriend has to endure it any longer.

- Imagine being Ben (just for a painful second), being so self-centered, being so preoccupied with the paranoia of people watching you all the time and watching your every move and trying to figure you out, that you’d go around being an asshole, especially to the boy that you “like”, to the point where those actions and shitty attitude lose you said boy, only for you to lose all self-awareness when in proximity to said boy, and you’re suddenly staring at him openly, trying to strike up a conversation, and not getting the fucking hint that said boy doesn’t want to talk to you, doesn’t even want to look at you. Imagine those walls crumbling down but you’re absolutely convinced they are still up. Imagine that now people can see right through you and call you out, and you get defensive and start calling them names… Imagine being down so bad for someone (or whatever feelings that you might think you have for said boy) that you’re not even making sense anymore, even later boldly telling said boy’s boyfriend that you want said boy back (even though said boy’s boyfriend is basically twice your size and hates your guts and could probably knock you out with a single punch). Imagine…

- But then imagine being Charlie, a curly-haired human embodiment of sunshine and rainbows, and having to sit next to your ex/assaulter. Period.

- Imogen going off on Ben like we all love to see it, but let’s face it, she was kinder than I expected her to be, by telling him he has issues that he needs to resolve. Go to therapy, Ben! Your energy’s off, Ben! She’s basically telling him what Charlie will repeat in other words later, about him working on himself to be better before he hurts somebody else.

- She calls out Ben for being obsessed with Charlie twice very loudly. Ben would rather chew off his own hand before admitting it, but Imogen hit the nail right in the head. ( kinda want to be given a reason why not one of Charlie's friends jumped up at that, like "wait, what is this about Ben Hope being obsessed with you?" unless they're waiting for Charlie to bring it up himself it at all. But seeing Charlie's reaction, and Nick's horrified face, you'd think they'd be a little curious as to what that is about...)

- And Elle smiling when Imogen says that it’s time she focuses on herself. Yes, Imogen, stop thinking about boys for a while, and focus on what you want.

- I have rewatched everyone’s faces so many times: from the guy over Imogen’s shoulder laughing and trying to look over, to James catching all the tea, to all of Ben’s mates sniggering, but my favorite is that boy between Ben and Harry with the super-expressive eyebrows very dramatically questioning Ben’s whole attitude.

- As everyone’s been saying, when even Harry Greene calls you out, you know you’ve hit a low point.

- Nick and Charlie coming to comfort Imogen, and her questioning if she should have done that so publicly (the answer is Yes, because he very publicly treated you very badly too, so… tit for tat). And her wanted to make sure if maybe something happened between Ben and Charlie, but then saying it doesn’t matter as soon as she sees how uncomfortable it makes him.

- And her saying that it would be easier if she liked girls, which… how many times do women in general say that? Relationships aren’t easy, no matter who you love, but there’s a preoccupying trend if the consensus is that ‘if sexuality was really a choice, the number of women who would choose to be lesbians is very very high’. What does that say about straight cis men, in general?

- Tao finally getting his head out of his own ass long enough to realize that Nick is really trying to bond with him.

- Tao about Elle “she’s everything, I’m just Ken”.

- Nick being adorable telling him that he thinks Tao is also all those things, and telling him that he does like him.

- I thought that Tao’s whole plan was giving Nick and Charlie privacy by dragging Isaac to the vending machin (And Charlie and Nick making the most of that little privacy). But it’s so sad when you realize that it was because Nick said the word “loudly” to describe him, and it made him remember that it was his loudness that outed Charlie last year. Poor baby.

- Seriously, the chemistry this season is off the charts, the intimacy between Nick and Charlie is so beautiful and warm and Kit and Joe are magical. And the way that they’re always checking with each other. “Is this okay?” A very enthusiastic "YEAH”, “we should stop”, “okay.” Love them.

- Isaac falling asleep with the book on his face is so relatable. How many times have I woken up because I fell asleep reading and the book just smacked me in the face? Too many to count.

- Charlie’s little “oh f—” cut to music.

Ceci episode é brought pour vous by CROISSANTS™. (Je n'e parlez pas français).

#heartstopper #heartstopper season 2 #heartstopper analysis #hearststopper netflix #heartstopper in paris #heartstopper play-by-play analysis #nick and charlie #tao and elle #tara and darcy

[meeeeeeeep78]

👀 heard you have a n25 au? please use this ask as an excuse to infodump im curious about it!

HI HELLO i have two actually kind of but the main one i’ve been thinking about recently is the one i actually did end up writing a little fic for,, (i guess more accurately the fic was initially a one off thing but then the au sprung from it)

essentially it’s kind of a medieval au thing,, they all live in this kingdom and mafuyu is the princess. ena lives in her fathers art studio, mizuki is a knight and has just been appointed as mafuyu’s bodyguard, and kanade is a rumoured witch of the woods!!

other honourable mentions include akito, who is another knight, and toya, who is the prince of the kingdom next door :)

since it started with a fic and i’m considering writing more this one actually has a bit of a narrative, so i’ll put that here as well if you’re interested!! it’s under the cut

mafuyu’s 18th birthday is coming up, and there’s lots of stuff being prepared for celebration. one of these things is a big old fancy royal portrait, enter ena. it was actually her father who was asked for, but he’s out of the kingdom and ena decides to do it herself. she gets the portrait done, but it feels like something’s missing. she drags mafuyu outside for a breath of fresh air and a change of scenery, and then essentially sneaks her out of the castle grounds to get away from its suffocating atmosphere. for a moment while they’re walking, the real mafuyu slips through, and ena rushes to paint it. however, the sun is setting, and it won’t be long before someone notices their absence. they both return home. ena stays up late finishing the messier portrait from memory, and that’s where the first bit ends.

everything from here hasn’t actually been written and is mostly just planning,,, it’s also very messy and if i ever do get around to writing this all stuffs probably gonna change

as mizuki (and maybe akito?) is/are packing up, they’re summoned to the front of the castle. Mafuyu is going to go pick up a special dress for her birthday, and she needs bodyguards. mizusis tailor shop!!!! flowery wedding dress design, very flowy and nice. Very obviously a wedding dress also. huh that’s wierd. somethingll probably happen either before or after this dunno what yet,, they head back, and mizuki is summoned once more to be debriefed for tomorrow’s proceedings. essentially, they have to make sure mafuyu’s in the new dress, and escort her to the grand hall. if she asks any questions, reveal nothing. it’s supposed to be a surprise, after all!

option 1: mafuyu is woken up in the middle of the night by mizuki, who’s asking her about that prince her mother often brings up. they were sent on a date once, but it was rather awkward. basically, she’s supposed to get married to him in the afternoon. this didn’t sit well with mizuki, who came to warn the princess ahead of time. eventually, they sneak out for a breath of fresh air, and run into ena, who wanted to show mafuyu the new portrait.

option 2: mafuyu makes her way to the grand hall in her dress as instructed, but freezes halfway down the aisle. “haha wow it’s just so beautiful she must be overwhelmed with joy let’s give her a second to gather herself ohmygodmafuyuareyouokayweneedtogetyououtofhere” (mizuki gets them out of there, berates themself for not warning mafuyu)

either way, something something they end up running away to the woods and find kanades humble abode.

don’t really know what’s happens from there, i’ve also only just realized what a mess this whole thing is while writing it all out apologies lol,,, i uhhh idk man idk

[unsettlingcreature]

Helloooo! For the fanfiction ask game: 1, 15, 17, 27, 45, 55, 79. Sorry if there's too many :)))

no apologies needed, I love answering questions :3

1. Do you daydream a lot before you write, or go for it as soon as the ideas strike?

I daydream a whole ton simply because a lot of fics start out as either "what if I wrote xyz" (and then being like, well why don't I?) or me just bouncing an idea around in my brain (and realising I like it too much to NOT write it). Sometimes they get stuck in the stage between daydreaming and actually writing it because I get caught up in planning how I want things to go, which has caused some ideas to fizzle out over time as I realise I'm not as excited about the idea in practice.

15. What’s your favorite time to write?

Probably late at night/super early in the morning. Especially if my sleep schedule is wobbly, I'll often wake up at 3am and suddenly feel the need to start writing. It's not that I hate writing during the daytime, it just feels weird to me.

17. Do you have a writing routine?

Sort of!! I'm trying to figure out what works for me but so far my writing routine is just getting myself something to drink and setting out some snacks, so I don't lose focus when I get thirsty or a little peckish. My current snacks of choice are hard pretzels, a cereal bar and some humbugs.

27. What area of writing do you feel strongest in?

This has actually changed over time. I used to feel strongest writing scenery and I still do but I actually feel really confident writing combat scenes now. I used to hate them because I had no idea how to start but reading books and watching fights at Empire helped me get a good point of reference.

45. What genre/trope do you tend to write the most?

I'm not really sure. My first instinct was to say Time Travel/Fix-it but I haven't written that for years. I guess the Found Family trope mainly because I end up putting that into most longfics I write 😭For genre, definitely fantasy of some flavour.

55. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics?  Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

My brain often latches onto phrases I like and then I have to struggle to not use them too often. At the moment, I've been trying to not overuse "they swallowed the rising bile in their throat".

For common settings, I think I definitely prefer fantasy settings overall. The current big projects I'm working on with fics are all fantasy (skyrim fic, two d&d fics with perseus, the dragon age fic I'm planning) but I think that's just because it is my favourite genre/setting.

I think as themes go, I also tend to put a focus on characters starting out in a bad place and almost hitting rock-bottom, only to grow and flourish. I also accidentally made both Arielle and Perseus struggle to hold their faith - I'm not totally sure whether Arielle will find it again like Persy did though!!

79. Do you have any writing advice you want to share?

Focus on writing what makes you happy because if you don't, you'll often lack the motivation to keep working on it - so it'll either never get finished or never be finished to a standard that you're satisfied with. But at the same time know that you're going to hit certain points in longer projects where it doesn't burn so brightly as always (usually when you're writing the less exciting parts or areas that you are weaker in).

There's also no shame in putting ideas/projects on the back burner or giving up on them. If you decide partway through that you don't want to finish it, you'll still have learnt and improved from what you have completed (even if you only just started. Planning and writing the beginning is harder than a lot of people give credit for!!)

#long post #asks #miraakulous-cloud-district

[elia-de-silentio]

TENTATIVE ANALYSES: THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY

EPISODE 2: RUN BOY RUN

NARRATIVE STRUCTURE

This is more of a Breather Episode after the more emotionally-charged first; I haven't found a specific structure in it, rather three progressing subplots.

1. Five and the End of the World: the confrontation between Five and Viktor goes wrong due to miscommunication between two people who haven't talked to each other in years. So, Five is on his own again, with his only clue being a glass eye who he had found in the hand of Luther's corpse when he arrived to the bad timeline. The problem is, he can't access the sensible datas to find who he belongs to because he's stuck in the body of a kid, so he enlists Klaus' help. The two eventually manage to find out, from the serial number, that the eye hasn't been fabricated yet. Left alone with a useless clue, Five goes to find comfort in a mannequin who had been his companion during his wanderings in the post-apocalypse, and has another fight with two assassins sent by a group he worked for before. Meanwhile, his former massacre is being investigated by Diego.

2. Viktor Ascending: this one starts slow and subdued, but Viktor, after trying and failing to communicate with his siblings, finds a new violin student who seems to have truly a lot in common with him, giving him some inkling of a positive relationship with someone.

3. Luther and the mystery of Reginald: Luther first goes to the shithole Diego lives in to apologize for suspecting ... mostly him, because he was the most openly hostile to their father. After Diego shoos him away, he goes to talk with Allison, ready to admit his mistakes and quit the chase ... only for his sister to tell him that he actually was right, and there's proof thanks to surveillance videos.

NARRATIVE TECHNIQUES

Unlike the previous episode, that was littered with flashbacks involving all of the siblings, in this episode there are just two, that put the focus squarely on Five. We are shown first the events that led to him being separated from his family (he got overconfident with his time travel attemps and got stuck in a post-apocalyctic world) and the meaning of the glass eye he worries so much about for the whole episode (he found it in the hand of a dead Luther, and it is his only clue about the cause of the end of the world). This, along with him having the majority of the scenes, puts him in a sort of central role for this episode.

Also regarding Five, his first attempts at time travel receive a nice 'foiling of the scenery': the first two attempts bring him to crowded street with sun and brilliant colors; the third attempt lands him in a world that's clouded, dominated by tones of brown, with only the occasional fire here and there to break it. It makes for a sudden and drastic change of atmosphere, letting us share in the shock of the character.

Another interesting thing is how we get hints to a bigger plot via being left in the dark about something a character said or saw, and curiously both involve Allison. The first is her phone call with her husband, from which we can understand that not only he has exclusive custody of their daughter, but Allison isn't even allowed to see or talk to her unless she does 'something'. The conversation doesn't let us understand what this something actually is, just clues us in that what we've learned about Allison's divorce might not be all there is to it. The second time is when she sees the surveillance videos dating back to her and her siblings' childhood; she puts on some, to bask into nostalgia, and then her eyes widen at something that we don't see on these videos. Next time we see Allison, she runs up to Luther and tells him that he's right about their father's death not being an accident.

In both of these occasions, we're fed just the right, little morsels of information to keep us hooked.

CHARACTERS

Going with the Hargreeves family first:

What we learn about Reginald basically confirms what we were shown in the first episode. He was strict, exceedingly formal (he basically ordered the kids to eat at mealtimes like you'd do to train dogs) and overly focused on training (they can't even talk during breakfast, because he put on some registration of a climbing guide).

Luther, the failed leader, goes on to try and adapt again to life on Earth. He backpedals on his previous suspicions on his siblings, particularly going to apologize to Diego in a very awkward conversation. He talks of something else, revealing his insecurities with his surprise that Allison talked to her daughter about him instead of trying to forget everything and everyone tied to her superhero life. And right at the end of the episode, when it seems he's starting to go on to establish some normality, here comes Allison with the reveal that he was right.

Diego: it's almost surprising how pathetic he appears here. He talks and acts a big game, but it's found out that he's a vigilante because he failed police academy, because he couldn't respect the procedures and actively dismissed them. He tried to break out of his father's influence while keeping fighting crime, something that as Patch points out gives him a sense of purpose; but he ended up acting just like the vigilante he was as a kid, with an added spite for formalities and authority on which he projected his hatred for his father; problem is, such a behaviour wouldn't fly on actual police force, there are actual laws the police is bound to for specific reasons (... in tv world, let's not talk about the actual one, it's too big of a can of worms), and he couldn't even make it out of police academy. The closest thing he has to a job now is his vigilantism (which gets him routinely arrested by the actual police), and supports himself by being the cleaning man at a gym in exchange for a place to stay in a little basement. In this episode, he appears as anything but cool.

Allison keeps on not being much of an Heart. She has some success with Luther, gently pointing out his flaws that could ruin his relationship with his siblings; but she also interacts with Viktor, and unlike the previous episode, where she was conciliating, it's a complete disaster. After a bad call with her ex husband, she ends up taking her frustrations on her brother, accusing him of not being able to understand her because he was always so detached, and cuts short his attempts at saying that this wasn't a choice by telling that he's an adult and can't blame their father anymore, he has to hold up to his mistakes (it's implied, but the issue here is the autobiography). She regrets it quite soon, however, but not before Viktor has gone away; she watches some surveillance videos from their childhood with Pogo, and realizes that they did isolate their 'powerless' sibling even during normal playtime. Interesting, she looks at it through the eyes of a mother, thinking to how it would feel if someone treated her Claire like that; she rejects the 'you were just children' excuse Pogo tries to offer her, and puts both herself and her sibling in the position of adults, who have to take responsibilities.

Klaus receives a little more depth: there are the first hints that he is plagued by the spirits of the people around him, who clamor for his attention, and the drugs are his attempts to shut them down. Save for Ben, whose ghost is his most constant companion and unsuccessful Jiminy Cricket. It's also shown that life post-Umbrella Academy wasn't kind to him: his expensive addiction ended up leaving him homeless, he had trouble forming meaningful relationships, and he lost contact with his siblings who wouldn't help him, all things implied in one go by his comment about his longest relationship lasted three weeks and that was because his partner offered lodgings. The fact that Five teleports away right after Klaus reveals this is quite heartbreaking, all things considered. On a lighter note, Klaus shows here that he is very capable of using his weird, offputting ways to get people confused and intimidated and get what ge wants out of them; Jester he might be, but he's not stupid.

Five has a no-nonsense attitude and a tunnel vision on his goal, and this ironically risks to bring him farther from it. He ignores the limitations of his teenaged body and the fact that he's not an Organization-sponsored assassin anymore, and his first attempt to retrieve the owner of the glass eye fails for this very reason, because to the external world he's just some kid with no leverage. He seeks out his siblings for help, but he's quick to dismiss them once they behave in a way he dislikes (not fully getting his situation or trying to talk about themselves). He risks to end up alienating them, in a situation where their help could be vital. But it's also shown that for several decades, the only being he related to was a mannequin he gave a name to and carried around, his only companion in the post-apocalyptic world. This, remember, where he was an actual teen and his social capabilities were still developing. He carries himself as more mature than his siblings, but he's just as damaged as them.

Ben receives a little more screentime here; little, as I said, he tries to get Klaus to behave with absolutely zero success.

Viktor here has two unsuccessful meetings with his family: he fails to connect with both Five and Allison, partly because he doesn't understand their problems and partly because they themselves pushed him away as soon as they heard something they didn't like. But then he meets a perfect stranger, one who seems to have a lot of things in common with him. It's interesting to see how much Viktor downplays himself: Harold barely gets in a compliment on of much of a good teacher he is, and he immediately starts talking about some student who's a violin prodigy and could give him pointers. It seems like he can't handle the idea of being good at something and reacts the way his family members did: going on about how average and non-special he is.

Now, this episode also introduces some new characters.

Hazel and Cha-Cha: two former colleagues of Five, assassins for the Organization. It seems like he officially became their target. They're both shown as cold-blooded and very quick to jump at torture, as seen by what they did to a poor guy they mistook for Five. Of the two, Hazel is the most informal and relaxed, while Cha-Cha is more uptight.

Eudora Patch: an old flame of Diego from the times of the police academy, only she actually managed to graduate and become an actual detective. She works on the case of the shooting Five was involved in, and has very little tolerance for Diego's insistence to do things the rough-and-tumble way, providing scathing analysis of his behaviour.

Harold: a guy who goes to Viktor for violin lessons. It appears to have much in common with him, namely an estranged father, and with his calm and compliments, he's the most positive personal interaction Viktor has had so far in the show.

THEMES

The theme of abuse is still strong in this chapter, as the root of the dysfunctional behaviours exhibited by the siblings; this time, though, the matters of 'personal responsibility' and 'communications' are added on.

There are a lot of difficult communications in this chapter: Viktor involontarily dismissing Five's problems, Luther having difficulties talking with Diego even if he genuinely wanted to apologize to him, Allison taking her frustrations on a Viktor that merely wanted to support her, Five cutting short his conversation with Klaus as soon as the topic turned into one he wasn't interested in. Interestingly, all these incidents involve people who were separed from the family for a long time: Five because of his botched time travel, Luther because he was kicked quite upstairs and Reginald never let him have any contact with the rest of his family, and Viktor who wasn't separated in the physical sense but in the social one, the pariah of the household. These three endured a stunting of their ability to interact with their family, and as a result they can't properly communicate with them. It's interesting to see that the only successful, positive interactions this episode are: between Allison and Luther, where she clears a misunderstanding with him, Allison and Pogo, a quite open-hearted conversation, and Viktor and Harold, the first conversation the former has with someone outside their family and thus without expectations for or baggage with him, and the results are the first appreciative remarks we hear addressed to him.

Now, onto the 'personal responsibility thing'. There's the way Luther has been over-responsibilized and now, as Allison notices, doesn't know what to do if he doesn't have a mission. There's the way Five has been traumatized by finding himself in the post-apocalypse, and now would do anything to prevent it. And above all, there's the argument between Allison and Viktor, where the concept is openly spelled out.

It's interesting because Allison so far has been nice and understanding to Viktor, never once bringing up his book; but once she's already stressed by her unability to see or even hear Claire, she snaps at him, accusing him of being unable to understand her. And when he weakly tries to object saying that being isolated wasn't his choice, Allison remarks that now he's an adult and doesn't get to blame their father for his actions. The book isn't mentioned, but clearly implied as the main source of anger on Allison's part. However, she regrets her outburst: she thinks back to when they were children, realizes that Viktor was really isolated, and she played a part, neglecting staying more in contact even during their adult years. She missed an occasion to connect with her sibling, and has to deal with the consequences, taking responsibilities as an adult.

SYMBOLISM

• The violin: it's Viktor's thing. He started playing it as a child, alone in his room, while his siblings had superheroism and games that heavily involved their powers, excluding him. As an adult, he plays professionally and gives lessons to children, but he's quick to point out that he's not that good with it, he's not a prodigy. The violin represents Viktor's separation from his siblings: a perfectly normal instrument, a perfectly normal talent level, nothing special to see either in it nor in its owner.

• Delores: the mannequin that was Five's only companion during the post apocalypse years. He acts like it has an actual personality, and cherishes it like a sentimental partner. It represents Five's stunted social abilities: he had no real human beings around for decades, and as a result he can't really interact with his siblings: he tries to vent his problems at them, but when they talk back, saying things he's not interested in hearing (in other words, when they don't act like mannequins) he cuts the conversation short and goes away. At the end of the episode, after unsuccessful interactions with Viktor and Klaus, he goes in the clothes shop to retrieve Delores.

REFERENCES

• The title of the episode comes from the song Run Boy Run by Woodkid, appropriately played as Five leaves his family to become stuck in a post-apocalyptic future.

Thanks to anyone who read insofar!

If you liked my writing, please consider supporting me by reblogging this post or offering me a coffee (link in reblogs)

#tua #the umbrella academy #tua analysis #tua meta #tua reginald #tua luther #tua diego #tua allison #tua klaus #tua five #tua viktor #tua hazel #tua cha-cha #tua harold #tua eudora #tentative analyses #tentative analyses: the umbrella academy

[sunnymooo]

lately, i've been considering what it means to spend time "alone."

it's not as bad as i used to think. it just takes a bit of practice: the more i do it, the more natural it feels - until i find strangely that i'm no longer afraid of, but rather comforted by, the new sensation.

i've been watching this drama lately, "나의 해방일지", which translates in english to "my liberation notes". i stumbled upon it almost by accident, but like so many things that fall into your lap at just the right moment, it feels as though it was waiting just for me. every episode - so raw and genuine - has me reflecting in a new way on the life i've left behind and the life i want to choose each day. this week, there was a moment where one of the characters (who is normally unbearable) realizes that when he is driving his emotions and demeanor change completely, and he only feels calm. he's been driving more lately, giving people rides or taking himself to random isolated areas to enjoy the scenery by himself. he was surprised by this. he says, "i guess i've been putting up a façade with people. now that i'm alone, i've become so calm and gentle." his ex-girlfriend chimes in. "'being gentle alone'... what's that?" he responds, "i don't know. it's just... being gentle on your own..."

three months ago, just the concept of spending a few minutes by myself scared me so much, i genuinely thought it might kill me. if it meant escaping the fear, i would have done anything. i was so desperate for someone to see me. yet, everywhere i looked, i saw only darkness and despair, and it belonged only to me. no one could reach me there. even if they desperately wanted to.

then i started going on walks. at first it was so i could be with my mom for the longest amount of time possible - i'd walk her to and from work, afraid of even a moment without someone beside me, or someone on the phone with me, even if we were saying nothing. but then i started going to the park during her work day. i started going on the swings. i remember my first moment on the swings so well - it was the very first time since the break up i felt, genuinely, that everything was going to be okay.

i started talking to myself then, too. i wasn't sure if that was a good alternative, really, to having a physical person there to talk to - but i preferred it to silence. it turned out i had a lot to say to me... a lot to catch up on. a lot to apologize for. also... a lot to forgive.

at some point it hit me that i wasn't really that scared anymore. by the time i moved, while there was so much that should have had me shaking with anxiety, i found myself actually feeling quite gentle. an elderly pair of women passed me while i was on the swings and told me how clever i was to get up early and enjoy the park as a child would. one of them said that when she felt like she needed to have fun like a kid again, she would twirl alone in her house. "try it!" she said. then they left with their dogs and their smiles and i felt comforted by the way the silence filled up the space in which their voices had just been ringing.

these little moments exist just for me. they're like inside jokes i get to have with myself. secrets i keep with me only. i feel closer to myself when i get to experience them and allow them to begin and to end naturally. this gentleness has made every day feel so much softer. i look at the clouds or the flowers and i feel so moved. i see people interacting with their own emotions and worlds that i can't see and i feel like i understand them a little bit. when a coworker starts to annoy me, i put my headphones in and i feel calm and unbothered. even when i can't, i find that my patience is much stronger than it ever has been before. things that used to irritate me i can see the good sides of now, and i do that instinctively; without challenge or thought. and then i walk back to my car by myself, plan my little evening by myself, listen to my favorite songs by myself, and talk - quietly - or sometimes loudly - to myself. i am the opposite of the person i was a year and a half ago. i am... so calm.

there's still anxiety at times. like when i think about the small moments we were happy together and feel guilty for calling her by what she did to me. or when i see people at work i don't want to and have to fight the part of me that hurts and is angry, which is new. today, i had a moment where i wished i could have glared at this person, or shook my head at her, or said, "next time someone tells you about their trauma, don't go and immediately tell their abuser and all of their friends what they said, it's not the cool fun gossip you think it is, it actually sucks, for everybody. i hope no one makes the mistake of confiding in you again."

but, i didn't. as much as i wanted to, i didn't say a thing, or bat an eye. and i didn't waste time picturing exactly the way my words would cut into her and make her feel terrible and small. instead, i just put on my headphones, looked at the sky, and breathed. and the children continued to laugh. the sun continued to blare. my voice never once left me, they can't take it from me, they didn't take it from me when they left me; it was there for me to use if i so chose; and that is enough, that is more than enough.

being gentle alone... what does it mean? how can you be gentle by yourself? i don't know... i just know that i am weightless in those moments. learning to be alone has lifted me up into the clouds. it's not exciting or thrill-inducing. it is only quiet, only calm.

#personal

[snvws]

𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠, anthony [bridgerton]

gif credit.

pt – 1 & 2.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞. ➯ hi, sweethearts! ♡ this is my second lil fanfic on this new blog.. i hope y’all like & enjoy it. also, i changed the request just a lil bit, hope u don’t mind …♡ there are going to be two parts to this story, this one and the next one, part two. anyways, pls pls pls reblog, share + like! it’d mean the world to me. thank u so much for reading & enjoying -- love u! ‹3

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬. ➯ 18+ MDNI! in love!anthony. innocent!reader. lots of fluff. pet names. dialogue about sex. anthony is a lil fuckin tease… you’ve been warned. slight period language. no use of [y/n]. also, second part will be full on smut. any grammatical mistakes are my own -- in advance, i sincerely apologize.

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲. ➯ anthony and you decide to take a stroll around your garden -- being your best friend, you can’t seem to keep anything from the man. before you know it, a burning question makes it’s way out of your mouth …unexpectedly. luckily for you, anthony takes mercy on you and decides to help you out… if only a little bit.

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭(𝐬). ➯ requested! also, request’s are open and you can send in a request right here.

𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. ➯ the fanfic that helped inspired this lil fanfic is right here. & the song that helped me write this is ‘terrible thing’ by AG.

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠(𝐬). ➯ anthony bridgerton [bridgerton] x reader (f).

masterlist.

rules.

ׅ ࣪𓏲ּ ֶָ ♡ the day was beautiful, since it was the first few weeks of spring – the sun was bright and high in the sky, the sky itself was clear with only a few white clouds showing, and the birds were chirping happily in the trees.

you and your dearest friend – anthony walked side by side, your arm wrapped loosely around his. anthony’s other free hand was gently resting on top of yours that was placed on top of his large hand, your gloved hand warm and small against his.

“daphne stopped by my house earlier today,” you commented, breaking the comfortable silence. the two of you continued walking through your large garden in the back of your house, seeing all of the pretty flowers bloom in all the different wonderful colors, thanks to you and the help of your maids.

yes, you insisted to anthony (your best friend) – that you’d be the one to help plant this years flowers with the rest of the maids that tended to the garden.

since you were so passionate about said garden, the viscount just shook his head and let out a quiet chuckle, leaning down to press a kiss on the crown of your head, while you told him the news of you tending to your garden this season. “oh?” questioned anthony, slowing his pace down so that he walked in step with you, slowly and admiring the scenery of beautiful flowers.

“yes, she spoke of something rather odd,” you mentioned, gripping anthony’s hand, looking over at the big fountain that was filled with lily pads and small, colorful fish.

“hmm, and what did she speak of, my darling?” anthony asked, pulling you along to sit by a nearby bench next to the large fountain. you felt yourself blush at his words, before speaking.

anthony always did love to tease you, as if you were his wife or something.

“well… she spoke of something that i do not quite understand. actually, she told me to ask you about it,” you said, feeling very perplexed.

“mmm,” anthony nodded, looking right at you. “go on then, darling.”

you felt yourself grow shy all the sudden, not wanting to speak such words, embarrassment creeping up your neck and causing your skin to become heated. you decided to tear your eyes away from him and look at the fountain, trying to put as much distance between the two of you.

however, there was little you could do as you sat pressed against one another. “it was… it was just – well,” you huffed, feeling ridiculous with yourself, causing anthony to laugh lightly at you.

“she said that simon did something to her…” you rambled, quickly.

anthony’s eyebrows immediately rose, his face turning into an angry scold, fearing for the worst. “did simon do something to hurt my dear sister!? i swear, if he has laid a hand on her he will surely regret –“

“no, no, no…!” you yelled, standing up quickly in front of anthony and waving your hands. “of course, he did not hurt her, he did no such thing. in fact, well… he did the opposite apparently…” you trailed off, your voice a low mumble.

now, anthony looked utterly confused. “whatever do you mean, sweetheart?”

how were you to word this to him? your dearest friend, your other half – at least, that’s what it felt like for you. what daphne said to you earlier, still had you blushing like a little girl and feeling warm all over. most of all, it had you greatly confused.

“well, i’m not exactly sure how to explain it, she was very… vague,” you started, beginning to twiddle your gloved thumbs together, nervously. suddenly, anthony stood up from the bench, coming so close to you that you could feel his breath fan over your face when he looked down at you.

“you don’t have to remember every single detail, my darling… just start slow, and if i should know what my sister was indeed talking about, i shall guide you through the rest,” anthony spoke calmly, one of his hands coming up to caress your cheek, lovingly. 

you nodded, looking up through thick lashes at your best friend, who was looking down at you in curious amusement. “um, well… for starters, we were talking about something i’ve never even heard of,” you said, your voice sounding hushed.

anthony smiled, brushing his calloused fingers over your cheekbone. “oh? what would that be, my sweet?”

you swallowed, your face heating up once again and you were positive that anthony could feel the blood rushing to your cheeks, though he didn’t say a word.

what a gentleman.

“yes, well… your sister described how simon and her… join.”

as you said those words, anthony’s handsome face turned from patient to shocked to anger. “what?” he whispered, clenching his jaw. his hand dropped from your face, and you let out a surprised whine, which had him immediately grab both of your shoulders, holding you close to him – as close as he could anyway, without looking too improper.

“why on earth would she discuss this with you?” he demanded, looking angry. “did she say anything else?” anthony questioned, hurriedly. “anything at all?!” you winced, not liking the way anthony was treating you, he was acting like your father. “anthony, stop… you’re hurting me,” you whispered, feeling his hold on you tighten.

anthony’s face instantly went pale, his hands dropping uselessly to their sides. “i – i’m so, i’m so sorry, darling. please, i – forgive me?” he pleaded. you could only nod your head, looking up at anthony with curious, sparkly eyes.

“why are you so angry with daphne? i admit, i wasn’t quite sure why she told me simon licks her, but it’s not like she has anyone else to talk to at the moment. i’m her closest friend, and she’s so busy with her baby and –“

“what!?” anthony shouted, almost stumbling backwards in shock. “she told you what?” he hissed, seething in anger. however, that was until he saw how terrified you looked at him. immediately, his face dropped, his right hand coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration.

“darling, please – believe me when i say that i’m not upset with you – not at all. i’m just… i’m bloody frustrated with daphne, that is all,” the viscount said, his voice now more neutral and calm.

“are you positive?” you asked, your voice sounding small like a child’s. anthony smiled softly down at you, both his hands coming up to cup your angelic face, before bending down and pressing a kiss against your forehead. “of course, darling. i could never be angry with you – ever.”

you giggled to yourself, causing anthony’s face to brighten at such a pure, delicate sound. “then why are you so frustrated with your sister? we were just gossiping…” you trailed off, tucking a loose curl behind your ear.

anthony sighed, running a hand through his newly cut hair. “do you want my honesty?” he asked, raising a perfectly groomed eyebrow. you nodded, “of course i do! i’d expect nothing less,” you huffed.

anthony grinned at how quickly your mood could switch while with him, you were amazing. you were smart, funny, beautiful, talented at so many things, you were great with children – did he mention beautiful? it was a wonder how you couldn’t tell how madly, deeply and truly he was in love with you.

“well,” he started, clearing his throat out of nervousness. “i was… upset, i suppose,” anthony said, lowly. you gave him a confused look, “upset? but why –“

“isn’t it obvious!?” he exclaimed, sighing and running a hand over his face. “my sweet, darling girl…” anthony spoke, lovingly grabbing both your hands and intertwining your fingers together. your hands were so small compared to his, so gentle they’d never even hurt a fly.

“can’t you see? oh, my darling – can’t you see how… how in love i am with you?”

you gasped, your fingers grasping his tighter at his words. anthony was… in love? with you? you could barely breathe, your lips parted as you tried your best to suck in some much needed air.

“i… i.. i – you’re in love… with me?” you asked incredulously, looking up at the viscount with big, doe like eyes that had a sheen of tears. anthony chuckled lightly, bringing one hand up to caress your cheek, wiping one of your tears that escaped your right eye.

“how could i not be, darling?” anthony wondered aloud, gently brushing his thumb across your lower lip that seemed to wobble slightly, your emotions seemingly all over the place now.

“i… you’re in love with me!?” you gasped, breathing heavily into anthony’s palm, leaning in towards it and taking deep breaths, trying to calm yourself.

anthony chuckled, leaning down to press his lips against your ear. “i’m in love with you, my love,” anthony whispered, huskily. you bit your lower lip, holding back your tears. “w-what? h-how… when?” you breathed, trying to control your racing heart.

anthony brushed his nose against your temple, pressing a kiss against your cheek and lingering there for a moment, taking you in. your hair smelled of strawberries and vanilla, like the sweetest cream there ever was.

you smelled divine.

“it seems like forever,” he sighed, pulling away only slightly to look down at your flushed face. “you mean…? you’ve been in love with me since you can remember and you’re now just telling me!?” you scoffed, feeling angry suddenly.

“now, now darling. do not shout, it’ll cause you to become more lightheaded than you already most certainly are,” anthony chided you, leaning down to press a quick kiss against your forehead. you huffed, though you remained silent.

after a few moments of you trying your best to calm down, anthony asked, “are you still upset with me, my sweet girl?”

you could feel yourself start to grin, happiness erupting inside of you now, a warm feeling of euphoria spreading throughout your entire body. “i’m in love with you,” you stated, calmly, trying your best to sound nonchalant.

anthony’s eyes widened in surprise, not expecting you to to say it back to him, it felt like a dream. “you’re in love with me?”

you let out a small giggle, nodding your head, yes. anthony quickly gathered you in his strong arms, swinging you about, happily. you laughed and screamed in pure happiness, holding onto anthony for dear life.

after a moment, he set you back down, but didn’t remove his arms that were both wrapped around you. he’d never let you go again, never.

“you didn’t answer my question before,” you said, smartly. ”you being in love with me can’t be the only reason why you were frustrated with your sister.” anthony smirked, “you don’t miss a thing, do you, dear?”

“no, i do not,” you said, triumphantly.

anthony huffed playfully, “well, if you really want to know…” anthony paused, keeping one arm around your waist, while the other arm came up to gently brush a few curls away and tucked them behind your ear, before leaning down and brushing his lips against the shell of your ear.

“i was frustrated because i didn’t want you to know what daphne meant by ‘licking’… as you said. i wanted you to find out what it meant once we wedded, on our honeymoon night.”

your breathing grew quicker, your eyes fluttering close as you tried your hardest to grasp at anthony’s shoulders. luckily for you, he had you exactly where he wanted you, holding you tightly against him.

“…and what does the ‘licking’ entail, my lord…?” you asked, breathlessly.

you could feel anthony smirk against the shell of your ear, lightly nibbling on it, before pulling away and making you gasp in need, your eyes now locking with his, both your eyes blown with lust for one another.

“it means, sweet thing – that on our honeymoon night, once we wed, i am going to lick your cunt,” anthony said, almost hissing the last word. “…and you will cry and whine for my mercy, but i shan’t give it to you. not until i have you, whimpering and crying a mess in my arms.”

your mouth was parted open as he spoke such vulgar language, causing your eyes to almost pop out of your head.

if what anthony said was true, you couldn’t wait for your honeymoon night.

fin ♡ ˊˎ-

#bridgerton. #bridgerton imagine. #bridgerton imagines. #anthony bridgerton. #anthony bridgerton imagine. #anthony bridgerton imagines. #anthony bridgerton x reader. #anthony bridgerton x you. #anthony bridgerton fluff. #my writing. #fanfiction. ♡ #chaoscarlet.

[twistedmusings]

Reading Between The Lines

A/N: I feel bad whenever I say 'hey here is what I am working on' and then my muses tell me 'no...this is what you are working on'. It's like my brain can't concentrate on one thing entirely q wq. In my defense though, I'm exploring my twst faves...and Cater may be a runner up to Vil...

Warnings: Dry humping, dirty talking and a quick handjob just as unsatisfying and ungratifying as Cater feeling like maybe he shouldn't have let you go just yet.

“Whoops.”

Cater’s phone case cracked as it hit the floor, eyes locking with yours as you pull away from the Heartslabyul second year. Why had he even dropped his phone in the first place? The case had cost a lot and he had queued up for hours to get it, there should have been no reason for him to drop it.

Maybe the shock from seeing you in Heartslabyul?

No, that was normal. You were friends with Ace and Deuce after all so your presence in Heartslabyul was normal.

Maybe from seeing you in a bedroom that wasn’t a first year room?

He was coming to check up on a second year who had mentioned something about needing help in Astrology so Riddle had instructed Cater to help the guy out. The ‘strict Queen’ was aiming for the highest grade among the dorms, after all. So he was just carrying out his duty as an upperclassman!

So seeing you here, in this second year’s room, shirt around your elbows as a pair of hands--

that weren’t his--gently wrapped themselves around your waist was probably what made him drop his case.

Good to know, if he had come to that conclusion at any other time that you weren’t here, he might have said something mean to his lower-class men.

You move to fix your shirt as the second year rushes to apologize, walking up to him and spouting words Cater wouldn’t bother to hear. His eyes kept staring as you fixed yourself up to look a tad more proper than how he had found you.

It wasn’t like the sight of you in that state was unfamiliar to him, he just hadn’t seen it in a long time.

“Please just keep it between us, Cater-san! I don’t know what I’d do if the dorm head found out about this.”

He snaps out of his trance, looking down at the second year before grinning as he let out a slow hum, pretending to mull the request over in his head.

“Should I? If I remember correctly...Rule 345--Only when the sky turns red as it is dawning can a romantic partner be brought--”

“I--I’ll tell the dorm leader that you helped me with class!”

Cater grins, “That’s one way to make it up to me~ I guess for now I should leave you with a warning, right?” he tilts his head to call out to you, “The same goes for you [Y/N]-san! I can’t have you getting someone other than Ace and Deuce in trouble!”

He can't help but feel a sense of pride when you chuckle at what he had said, turning around to give him a peace sign as you walk by the second year.

“I’ll try to do an effort to hide in the closet next time.”

The second year takes your hand and kisses it, apologizing for the trouble and closing his eyes when your hands cup his cheek and pull him in for a kiss, the action making Cater look down at his phone and open whatever app he saw first.

You wave goodbye as Cater closes the door quickly, not giving you a chance to look at your second year lover fully as the both of you walk down the corridors of Heartslabyul in silence.

“So.”

“Hm?”

Green eyes keep looking at his phone, scrolling through Magicam absentmindedly but sparring you one look as he sees you scratching at a hickey--he would have left a bigger one-- the second year had left behind.

“Was he any good?”

In his defense, what had started between you two was clearly labeled as a ‘no feelings allowed, we are just here to have fun’ relationship. You seemed to understand his nature better than most and were down for something that wasn’t super serious and borderline erotic in a sense.

Cater was sure that you two had done it in at least one surface in every common room in Heartslabyul. The thought kept him awake at night, actually.

“Was he any good…” you repeat the question, “As good as I’m going to get from a second year.”

“Oh the poor guy.” Cater can’t help the snort that escapes him as you two walk down a set of stairs leading to the dorm’s entrance, “It is surprising you went for him, didn’t you mention that you liked the older type?”

“Well after a certain ‘older type’ decided to end things, I thought I should try my hand at something different. Change my ways, you know?”

He didn’t know. Cater had no idea what you were talking about, in fact. Why would you have to change your ways for anyone? You were amazing, interesting, entertaining and attention-grabbing all wrapped up in an older sibling type package that he had admitted to being attracted to when he had brought up the ‘friends with benefits’ proposition. If you changed in anyway he would be disappointed--

Dammit he was doing it again.

“If you want to start a relationship with someone in Heartslabyul, I would recommend Trey. He’s handsome, hardworking and you wouldn’t go hungry. Perfect man material right there.”

Cater knew that the small jab was directed at him so he decided to switch subjects, preferring not to linger in the awkward feeling that came with the consequences of his actions.

He ended things because he had broken the rules you both had set in place. Feelings weren't allowed and yet he had let them burrow deep inside his heart and fester like some sort of unknown virus. Cater didn't care for them so he nipped the problem in the bud, broke things off in an amicable manner and moved on.

But, like with everything in his life, it had all been an act.

If it had been just the sex keeping him awake, he would have understood. He's a healthy young man and some of the activities you two engaged in would make any first year jealous. And for a while the memories of you warming his bed generally did start to make him yearn for your warmth.

It was the possibilities of what you could have had that were driving him insane.

Would you have said no to a date? The only thing you two did when you were alone were have sex, make fun of Magicam models, sleep and then have sex some more so surely you would have liked a change of scenery as well.

But he didn't know you as much as he wished he did. Nights in his bed had been spent tossing and turning as to what your answer would have been. Why did he even care? You both still hung out, you still had his number, it wasn't like either of you were dead to each other!

Cater just didn't know how to react to you seeing someone else, if that is what you were even doing in the first place.

"Trey-senpai? I guess...he is rather sweet, isn't he?"

"In more ways than one."

"...but I will have to pass." you rub the back of your neck, "You know I don't like sweets."

The clock strikes ten as Cater's eyes take all of you in, his mind blanking out for a response before he clicks his tongue and points behind him.

"Say, Prefect, I think you may have left something in my room. Mind if I give it to you now?"

-----

"Oh. Your case cracked."

"Yeah. Dropped my phone. Bummer, huh?"

"Here I thought you held onto that thing for dear life, can I see it?"

Cater laughs as he takes his phone out of his back pocket and hands it to you, turning back to dig in his drawer for the sole sock that you had left about a month ago.

Who was he bullshitting? He was panicking, plain and simple. Here he was, rummaging through his drawer like an idiot as he pretended to have a sock that he knew he didn't have all to keep you with him for a couple more minutes.

Stars, who was he? He didn't know himself anymore.

“And...dammit.” he laughs as he closes the bottom drawer of his heart closet, “Couldn’t find it. I’m sorry [Y/N]-chan, I shouldn’t have taken your time like that. Do you want me to walk you back to the dorm...or maybe you wanna talk on the phone while you walk there?”

He goes to grab his phone but stops as he turns to look at you, your fingers tracing the giant crack on the case before tapping it twice in quick succession.

“[Y/N]--”

“We both really messed up, huh?”

Cater blinks as your eyes stare at him as if, for a brief moment, you could look through him. Through the act, the apathy, the very thing that was keeping him at the seams but also making him feel like he would burst from the inside out.

“...what do you mean?”

You keep gazing at him for a couple of seconds before smiling as you hold up the phone.

“I shouldn’t have snuck into Heartslabyul to just get a need met...and you shouldn’t have walked into that poor student’s room without knocking.” you wave the phone around, “Now your precious item is broken.”

The conversation didn’t feel right. It felt as if you were saying something else and all Cater needed to do was read in between the lines.

But he refused to, he didn’t want to go below surface level. Everything would get so much more complicated if you both took that plunge.

Yet he was feeling daring, the smile on your face a clear challenge as he walked over to you and grabbed the edge of his phone.

“Maybe I wanted to break it.”

Silence reigns in the room as you two stare at each other, both of your hands holding onto the edge of his phone and daring the other to let go. He smiles and tugs on his edge, the movement effortlessly pulling you towards him as you snicker when the edge of your foot touches his.

“Cater.” you whisper as your hands slowly let go of the phone.

“Yes?” he whispers back, purposefully leaning over you as he places the phone on his desk.

“Nothing. I just like saying your name.”

Whether he started it or you started it honestly didn’t matter to him, the only thing Cater cared about was pulling you close and pressing his lips against yours so he could stop listening to all of your complicated sentences.

He didn’t understand them, he didn’t understand you.

And yet you seemed to understand him probably better than he understood himself.

Arms are around his neck as you pull him close, Cater slowly walking you back to his bed as the back of your knees hit the comforter which causes both of you to fall down. You pull away to snicker at the action but are brought right back into the kiss by needy lips, Cater whispering your name as he pushed you upwards so that you would be pressed right against the wall--

He groans when you pull away and is surprised to be kissing a pair of fingers instead of your lips, your smile still as elusive as ever as you slowly push his face away.

“I have a lover, senpai.”

Cater rolls his eyes, “I don’t like those kinds of jokes.”

“I’m not joking. It’s late so I’m just going to go over to his room and tell him that you’ll cover for us, okay? Okay. ”

You pinch his nose as you try to push him away but find your wrists grabbed and locked in place, Cater giving you a hard glare as he presses his forehead against yours.

“I said I don’t like those kinds of jokes.” he leans in and gives you another kiss, “You’re not his lover.”

“Who says that?”

“[Y/N]-chan did.” Cater’s lips press against yours again as he makes his way down to the offending hickey the second year had left on you, “The way you talk about him, the way you weren’t even embarrassed at getting caught. You are toying with the heart of one of my second years and I don’t think I can forgive you for that.”

He nips at the bruise before placing his lips on it, teeth gently opening up more blood vessels to form a much darker shade on your skin than what was left there before.

“Is that all you can’t forgive me for?”

Cater smiles against your skin as he takes your wrists and leads your arms to wrap around his neck, pulling you into his lap as he answers your question with a kiss.

His tongue meets yours this time around, both of you giggling at the familiar taste. When was the last time you two had kissed like this? Nevermind that, the question was already too annoying to think about. Instead, Cater moves his hips upwards as he groans into your lips at the wanted friction.

He takes a hold of your hips as he pushes you down to meet him mid-movement, his hips rolling up as yours are pushed down. The movement is sloppy and the action itself feels so unsatisfying but Cater almost feels as if this is the only thing he deserves from you. If either of you enjoyed this it would mean you two went too far--

“Haha...look at your face.”

Green eyes look at you as you cup the man’s face, pressing a gentle kiss on his nose as you start to roll your hips on his, meeting him halfway.

“You probably want to cum inside, right Cater-senpai?”

His hips jump at the mere thought, the idea of you laying on your side as his cum drips down from your sex all the way down your thighs.

“We did it with protection a lot ~We always followed the rules of our agreement…”

Hands dive between you two, Cater’s eyes never leaving yours as he works to get his pants off while his hands try to unbutton yours as well. You smile and meet him halfway again, taking your own bottoms off and tossing them carelessly to the side as you both are left in nothing but your underwear.

“Every time we did it--you always looked like you wanted to do something else--”

Cater takes the chance of you biting your lower lip to go a bit faster, the tip of his cock rubbing against you at a faster speed as he changed position quickly and hooked your knees over his elbows.

“And at first---at first I thought it was just you getting bored…”

He gasps when two of your fingers press right at the tip of his cock, the way he was moving his hips allowing it to rub comfortably against the padding of your fingers as you gently cooed at the precum gathering there.

“But one time I was able to see it. See what you really wanted--!”

His own hand makes his way in between the mess of hips and stuttered movements, his fingers tracing a familiar pattern up and down your sex as he feels you pull him out of his boxers and start to pump in rhythm.

“If...If you cum after me...I’ll let you cum inside...”

It’s starting to get hotter, Cater feels like he can see his own breath fogging up his vision.

“Count it as reward…”

The coil in his stomach is tightening, your hands moving faster as his stutters with the rhythm you were setting.

“For being honest with me at least one time.”

It’s a sticky mess, the white stuff sticking to your belly and his as he rides out his orgasm against your hand and stopping altogether when the feeling gets too much. His fingers work overtime before your back arches and you give into yours as well, your toes curling for a moment before your feet hit the mattress unceremoniously.

He didn’t know where in the world that had come from or what possessed you to talk like that...but that was probably the hardest he had released in the month you two stopped interacting with one another.

Cater looks at the mess once again before moving to clean it up, stopping only when he feels a hand tug at the front of his shirt and a pair of lips meeting his all over again.

“Offer is still on the table, senpai.”

You unbutton the first few buttons of your shirt, smiling as larger hands batted yours away to continue the job.

“Please do your best to hold out longer.”

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst imagines #twst smut #cater diamond #cater x reader #twst mc #adult section #//rushed and messy...but I bet that is what making out with Cater is like

[my-reality-my-rules]

i know i’m supposed to think of it as getting closer to shifting, but every time i fail and wake up in my CR it just makes me feel sad and like it’s never gonna work. i get symptoms nearly every time i try an awake method and i feel like i’ve gotten pretty close before, but whenever i open my eyes i’m still in my CR. it’s just been especially upsetting lately bc i want to be with my DR friends so badly and i don’t know how to convince myself that shifting is real and not made up and something that i’m capable of :-(

[thanks for this ask!]

first, I'd like to give you ONE BIG WHOLEHEARTED APOLOGY BC THIS HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS SINCE THE START OF THE YEAR AND I TOOK TIME TO ACTUALLY REPLY-

fr tho i am so fucking sorry this took so long

I've been meaning to answer your question for some time now—but didn't know the exact words to give you then. inspiration struck when i was cramming my entrep homework earlier.

so, we've been assigned to watch some videos on successful entrepreneurs, and this is one of the links given to us (you don't really have to watch it). in short, it's an account given by asian entrepreneur Sadira Yeong Min Yi—about her success story, and what it had been like for her. i won't bore you with details, but sometime near the end, she says: 'It is normal to have struggle, despite someone might look very successful on the surface. So I find it very fulfilling for me to show them that it is achievable if you think so, and if you start executing. Failures are bound to happen. It is okay to be afraid, it is okay to have fear.'

it reminded me of your ask. while it's not necessarily the same thing that you've mentioned—the concept still applies.

here's a screenshot of the powerpoint we were given:

see the five aforementioned characteristics of the entrepreneurial mindset—decisiveness, confidence, accountability, resilience, and humility—and note that they can also be applied to shifting in general.

you've done the first part: you've addressed what it was that you felt had been holding you back from shifting. you stated you don't know how to convince yourself it's real, that you can achieve it. the next part would be asking yourself why. is it because you failed to fully shift? the disappointment of waking up here? whatever the reason is, acknowledge it, make your peace with it, and then start with the next two traits.

move with confidence, but take into account everything you do. evaluate the choices that you make, and the things you surround yourself with. do they help, or do they somehow hinder you? cut off toxicities and change bad habits.

then, there comes resilience and humility. admittedly, even at a passing glance, this would be the harder part to do. i myself didn't shift until april of 2021. believe me, it took a lot of patience and much more nights of crying; there will be days where you'd want nothing more than to disappear from this place, only to wake up where you left off the previous day. it grated, but i had to learn how to deal with the dissatisfaction if i truly wished to achieve my goal of shifting.

resilience, but with acceptance. change your mindset, even if it comes slowly.

I'm going to pretend I'm still in your shoes—that i still haven't shifted, and that my mind simply can't accept that i can do it. if it was me, I'd think it's because I'm subconciously resisting the thought of it, thinking that shifting is simply a dream i could never reach.

i have to learn to recognise that thinking about with that perspective gets me nowhere. self-pity gets me nowhere. I'd vent, and I'd cope, but i wouldn't let it blind me. for the most part, if it feels as if the thoughts never abate, then i at least try to think positive about them. yes, they're hindrances, but every mistake is also a lesson—and every lesson is something learned.

go for a breather. a change in scenery, maybe. set aside some tasks. if it feels suffocating, stop, at least for the moment. spiralling won't do you any favours. don't think about your DR for a while. think about here, about the things you love, about the things you can do.

find a support, and lean on it until you become better. heal, if you need it. when it's calm, you can make a more calculated decision. move forward, again, even if things don't come at the pace you want them to. just keep in mind that they will. you're going to work for them and they are going to be yours one day.

be gentle with yourself, but no less honest.

weeks before i actually shifted, i wouldn't have called myself unburdened—but i do remember feeling lighter than i have in months, and that had been borne from an effort of balance.

- - -

here are the main affirmations i use, if they could be of help:

I do not chase. I attract. Everything that belongs to me will simply find me.

What I think, I create. What I feel, I attract. What I imagine, I become.

I build my world with my thoughts.

you can ask yourself, What if I fail?, but what if you don't?

there's no formula for success, because the only constant there is is the mindset that you work with. you need to learn. accept that shifting is not an easy thing to do. if you don't start, how would you know? if you don't take the first step, how would you begin?

#fuck #i am once again apologising for the delay #shifting #shifting realities #reality shifting #desired reality #shift #Esther's shifting posts

[elysianslove]

Hi! <3 I'm the roomate hc anon again (lol) and can I request best friends to lovers hc for iwaizumi, kuroo and oikawa? Also this blog is gonna blow up soon so remember me when you're famous bro 😌✊️❤️

OMG HI AGAIN! i’m so sorry this is late :( but oh my the excitement that flooded through me when i saw this request hsvhjsd. i really hope you enjoy this!! also vshdks i luv u bb THANK YOU.

iwaizumi hajime

im making these as detailed as fuck so i apologize in advance <3

becoming best friends with hajime was a very out of the blue thing 

the two of you shared a lot of classes together, and since you were always seeing each other, you’d choose each other as partners a lot 

you’d sit next to him in all the classes that you could

you’d meet up a lot during school breaks and just hang out 

you two clicked very well honestly, like you found that it was so easy to talk to him, and it was so easy to lose yourself in the conversation 

most of your convos are v mature and sophisticated too like

it’s nice when you can talk to someone on the same brain wavelength as you yk 😼

anyways overtime you’d come to his practice sessions, and even if they were long you’d just stay and watch bc why not

if you had hw to do and he noticed you were a lil stressed about it, he’d tell u to come study while he practiced as a change of scenery and all 

he’d walk you home almost every night at this point

oikawa noticing and being jealous <3 

“they’re stealing you from me!” “they’re not— what is wrong with you oikawa.” 

okay so this best friend stuff has been going on for a long time

long enough for you to realize you wanted more from him

but this is iwaizumi hajime and it’s almost impossible to know what he’s thinking 

like

ever 

so you just keep it to yourself, thinking it’s just a small crush and it’s not worth ruining what the two of you have at this rate 

so all this had happened first year, and when you’re nearing the end of your second year

that’s when you realize that

shit

it’s not just a crush

and when you have feelings for someone, every little thing they do expands a million times in your head

so a hug from him that you’d once never go over twice has you thinking about it as you go to sleep

the hoodies he’d lend you during practice while you stayed in the gym bc it was ungodly cold in there now send tingles down your spine at the lingering scent of him

the way he’d grab your hand to drag you somewhere now leave a heavy effect on your palm, forcing you to trace it once he’s gone 

his texts give you butterflies 

every time his name pops up on your phone screen you have a mini heart attack

and yeah

those are all symptoms of a crush

but is a crush meant to last this long? 

at the start of your third year, you greet him outside of the school gates after not seeing you all summer

he smiles so bright and hugs you so, so tightly 

you already are so hyperaware of how strong iwa is

but the feelings you have for him that won’t go away are so not helping your fixation on the feel of his biceps 

anyways before this becomes v nsfw 

you two catch up like u had met yesterday 

and then at the end of the day, after practice, which you stay for bc u missed ur vbc boys 🥺

he walks you home 

like always

and as he stands by your front door, in a burst of courage, he takes your hand in his and pulls you harshly towards him, pushing his body against yours and capturing your lips in a heated kiss

it’s so messy and harsh and you pretty much collided 

but holy shit

you were pretty sure fireworks erupted when you two kissed

years of pining and what had felt like unrequited love finally being resolved 

it’s the most satisfying feeling ever

you never want to stop kissing him

but alas </3 

when he pulls back, you’re both breathing so heavily 

you’re not sure if it’s the adrenaline or the kiss itself 

and he just looks at you and goes “did u tan while you’re away ur eyes look brighter” 

no sir i am in love with you

when you two officiate things 

he’s actually way shyer than he was as best friends??? 

like as best friends he wouldn’t feel slightly weird about hugging you in public or grabbing at your hand randomly or being seen alone with you

but now like

people know ??? and somehow that scares iwa 

or makes him uncomfortable 

idk he just feels iffy

but ur so understanding bless ur heart <3 

ur so careful with him and take it at his own pace 

zero pda at the start of the relationship 

like he won’t even wanna hug u in front of the seijoh team 

but slowly he warms up 

and he starts getting more comfortable with things like hand holding and occasional pecks on the cheek/lips 

your traditions as best friends don’t die as lovers 

if anything you believe in them even more 

now you watch more diligently during practice 

you proudly attend his games in his jersey, cheering the loudest for him (and for the rest of the boys bc they: best) 

walks home with you are so much more serene 

always gives you a kiss before he parts ways 

idk it’s like some sort of commemoration for your first kiss/confession 

unless you invite him inside 😏

this is so fucking long im so sorry i just love iwa 

anyways anybody want boyfriend!iwa headcanons i got a lot hehe 

to conclude, it was so gradual and inevitable with the two of you, and you’re forever glad it happened when it did and you hadn’t rushed anything <3333

oikawa tōru

unlike hajime, this wasn’t something that took one or two years

this bitch couldn’t admit he was in love with you for like 10 years okay 

you’ve known him for the majority of your life, because you’d always lived in close proximity to each other 

but you were never best friends yk? just acquaintances 

it was around the end of middle school when you two got close

cause you saw he was applying to aoba johsai for high school

and you were like !!! i’m going there too 

at first he was like stop copying me 😾 

you guys had a staring contest bc y’all are idiots and there were legit tears streaming down ur face but u were not about to lose to a pissbaby like him

he blinked 😁👍🏼

and he lost 

and then he decided “you’re my best friend now ” 

anyways aside iwa, he now had someone else he was going into high school with

like it’s a completely new environment but he had two people he very much liked going with him !!! 

when the time came around to like apply for/join clubs, you had been so clueless 

but toru stuck by you !! and he was so adamant on helping you !! 

he would sit with you after school as he practiced tossing with hajime and just brainstorm with you what you liked to do

it’s what brought you two closer together

cause you realized just how many things in common you had with him 

for a full week he tried to help you come up with something

for the sake of this hc let’s say u decide to join the newsletter club 

you’re very wary at first but then he’s like when ur part of it you’ll visit the vbc regularly so u can take pictures/observe to write essays 

the fact that toru would be there kinda set you at ease 

now you’ve never seen toru play properly 

he’s practiced in front of you before

plenty of times

but a proper match? or a practice one? 

never 

so it’s safe to say u were in awe when you got assigned to go watch a practice match against (idk pick a school) 

it’s embarrassing to admit but your eyes were on him the entire time 

thank god he became the captain later on else it’d be so sus 

you really tried to pay attention to anybody else lmfao 

it’s kinda what drew you to him more

you still didn’t really have feelings

you only realized just how passionate he is about everything 

at some point you had an essay to write for your newsletter about the volleyball club

but you were having a hard time like really getting into it

so you immediately just called toru and were like “help 😃” 

he came over and you asked him a bunch of questions, and he would go on deadass 20 min rants for each of them

you were just 

so amazed 

like how could someone have so much passion for something like this?

you realize how but that’s for later

overtime you two got closer bc of how much your work was associated with him

he’s incredible as a best friend 

he’s the first one with the school’s weekly newsletter as soon as it’s out

granted it’s to read the section about him but yk, the sentiment’s there 

also love, love, loves lazy days with you 

he doesnt even care if the boys know that he worships the chick flicks you two watch 

i feel like oikawa would be an avid anime watcher

idk why i just do 

so he’d be blasting anime theme songs on a speaker as you’re in the shower and he’s in your room waiting for you and you’re both just singing w the sound of water rushing down 

actually it’s not just anime songs it’s all songs 

a l l songs 

anyways

so you two get really close, and then he has a super important match coming up 

let’s say it’s the spring interhigh one against karasuno

the one they won

idk im just choosing at random 

and the night before he’s like begging you on text to wear his jersey

he’s like PLEASE NO ONE’S EVER DONE THAT FOR ME

you’re like bruh u have a cult following ????? 

but eventually u say yes

ur not really sure where it’s coming from but this is oikawa he’s an unpredictable as can be

when you show up in a jersey he so conveniently left at your house once

he’s so genuinely shocked even though he was the one that asked for this???

gives you the biggest hug like spins you around and just 

“you’re my lucky charm” 

when he wins 

after celebrating with his team

he runs over to you

and just

he kisses you

full on the mouth

it’s probably the rush and excitement of winning that gave him the courage to finally spill all his feelings out into this kiss

you’re in his jersey, in the stands and you genuinely feel like it’s only just the two of you

despite how sudden it was the kiss is so gentle, like he’d been planning it since forever 

“i told you you’re my lucky charm” he says as he rests his forehead against yours and kisses you gently again

oikawa had already been affectionate as your best friend

always displaying his love outwardly with like always calling out your name so loud whenever he sees you and giving you bone crushing hugs

deadass his 6’0 self will just jump on you 

but now it’s extra

makki always gags around the two of you but you just stick ur tongue out at him and go “ur just mad ur best friend’s getting some pussy/dick and ur not” 

makki then proceeds to shriek at you like a fucking banshee <3 

anyways 

yes 

oikawa best friends to lovers excellence is so cute eeeekkk

and now u always wear his jersey at games 

(u couldnt make it to the game against karasuno where they lost for whatever reason and he held it against u for the longest time)

(“maybe if a certain someone were there we wouldn’t have lost”)

what a big baby you love him

kuroo tetsurō

AH SEXY CHEMISTRY NERD 👅👅👅

kuroo as ur best friend 

im frothing 

i feel like you’d grow close after meeting at an event or something 

like you’re a friend of a friend of a friend 

i see kuroo as someone who’s so suave and cool and flirty with people he doesn’t have feelings for

but put the crush factor in and he’s a mess

like his brain just stops working

so when he first met you

he thought u were so fucking hot 

but that’s it

his lower body was doing all the thinking <3 

so he was so flirty 

and that’s essentially what your friendship is built off of 

and when friends are so flirty with each other, they generally grow close and trust each other really quickly 

ur not a nekoma student but ur in tokyo so you meet up often 

you just

it’s so nice to be around him

you find it so easy to just be yourself around him 

going out with him is super fun 

and a lot of the times you guys have study dates and you literally don’t talk except during the 10 min breaks you two take

it’s just hyper focus for the two of you which is great

he really channels the best student in you what a man ! 

i think during your third year of high school you two got insanely close

because you were highly unsure if you were gonna leave japan or stay 

so you wanted to make the most out of everything 

so you’d go out with him more often

he’d stay during the weekends and you two would like bake christmas goods all night even if it’s literally september lmfao

cuddling is so natural 

like you’re both so touchy with each other but not in a weird way just a super comfortable kind of way

like if you’re shorter than him, he’s always leaning his arm on you like you’re his arm rest 

it’s a win win bc he gets to touch you and tease you

wow the horny really jumped out in that one

anyways

you go to every single one of his games !!

cheer him on so!! fucking!! loud!!

you probably make a provocative sign and stand a chair and just wave it around and kuroo’s so heart eyes lmfao

the climb up to becoming lovers is so

natural? 

i think kuroo first realizes that maybe, yk, he wants those flirtatious comments to mean something and those random touches to hold more romantic value to them, when you two are out together

it’s a completely chill day and it’s not really warm not really chilly. you’re just comfortable 

he takes you to a park after buying the both of you ice cream from the stand across the street and sits down at a bench with you

just people watching 

and then it kinda goes really silent

but 

it’s not awkward??? like at all???

he’s not looking to fill the silence with any random words

he’s just

enjoying simply being with you

and he glances at you momentarily and it hits him like so hard just how pretty you are 

his eyes slightly widen like

holy fuck

what the f u ck

remember when i said he’s all cool until feelings come into play

yeah 😼

he literally freezes up and blurts out, without even meaning to, “i think i have feelings for you.” 

he really didnt even process he said that

you kinda

pause for a second

and then you realize what you said and you just smile and lean over towards him, lifting your thumb up to the corner of his lips and brushing away some ice cream

“you think?” you tease, and then at the spot where the ice cream was misplaced, you placed a gentle kiss

he kinda relaxes and then eyes you as he says, “i know.” 

it is just. heaven after that

i think the two of you would be less flirty around each other once becoming official 

like yeah he definitely comments once or twice every now and then and don’t get me wrong, so do you

but it’s just less frequent 

like a blanket has been lifted to uncover the true, hidden meanings behind the comments and you can now just breathe easier 

you two end up in the same uni on accident hevejsk

like you had a long ass talk about how it’s okay if you didn’t end up in the same uni you’d still make it work

and it would’ve worked tbh

fate just ships you two too much

when you told each other you were literally that spiderman meme of the two spidermen pointing at each other lmao

power couple of the uni

power couple of tokyo

power couple of japan

you’re literally so happy with him you wouldn’t trade him for the world 

and maybe you saw it coming 

but it still remains a shock whenever you wake up and he’s there laying next to you, smiling lazily at you before reaching over to give you a gentle kiss 

anyways happy early birthday king i love you kuroo hehe

end note; i really had a lotta fun w this one omg!! thank you again for requesting, anon, and i hope everybody else enjoyed!! feel free to request, mwah <3

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #oikawa x reader #oikawa toru headcanons #oikawa headcanons #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi headcanons #iwaizumi hajime x reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo x reader #kuroo headcanons #oikawa x you #iwaizumi x you #kuroo x you

[angsty-nerd]

Meta: Echo’s Big Fight in 3x09

Let's talk about the Big Echo fight. Because wandering around in the fandom this past week, I’ve seen a lot of very specific conclusions as far as what they were or weren't arguing about, and I’m not sure my take on that scene really aligns with other folks. So let me try to break it down a bit and give y’all an alternative perspective on it.

To start with, the scene opens with Max on edge because they're breaking and entering. Liz is singularly focused on the mission, and he's kinda freaking out. Instead of responding to his concerns, Liz gets straight to business.

"Ooh, ooh, this is interesting. Heath left Genoryx two days after I did. Must have realized he didn't need to be working underneath their corporate thumb."

Liz is kinda projecting here. Heath never once displayed any discomfort with Genoryx as a company the way that she did. He wanted her to stay. He wanted the resources there. We know these things as an audience, and Liz would too if she was thinking through the big picture at this point in time.

Max, on the other hand, doesn't know any of that. Here's what Max hears from Liz: he hears surprise. He hears Liz acknowledge that this is unexpected news. And right as he’s processing this unexpected reveal...Max sees Heath's Wild Pony t-shirt.

Weird coincidence #1 from Max's POV was Heath (the guy who is currently so pissed at Liz that he won't take her calls) supposedly rescuing Liz's science out of the good of his heart so that Genoryx doesn’t get their hands on it? This doesn't add up.

Weird coincidence #2 was Heath quitting Genoryx - a decision Heath made that Liz wasn't expecting.

The Wild Pony t-shirt is now the 3rd thing that doesn't add up. And if the t-shirt clue isn't adding up for you, see my post about it here:

The T-shirt is strike 3 for Max. He can't really pretend that he's not suspicious of Heath anymore. So he broaches the subject with her.

"How much do you know about this guy, Heath? How close were you?"

Max is feeling uncomfortable and looking for more information. He's trying to make the clue make sense. Why would Heath have the T-shirt? Does he have a connection to Roswell that Liz doesn't know about? And Liz doesn’t listen.

"This isn't the time to be jealous about a boy I met."

For all that Liz is clinical and on mission, she jumps very quickly to assuming that Max is NOT on mission. Yes, Max is inherently more emotional than she is. But throughout the episode he's been asking questions about Heath and NOT JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS. That's one of the keys to me here. Max really is trying to give her the benefit of the doubt about him.

At Liz's house, he asked about "the boyfriend" but he wasn't doing it in a jealous or judgy way. If anything it could almost be interpreted as concern. He started with "were you happy" and only when Liz kind of metaphorically admitted that any happiness was a façade...that's when he brought Heath into it. And yeah, Liz says that he impacted her life and helped her grow, but she didn't exactly express romantic feelings that would make Max jealous. So when she basically jumped straight to the jealousy assumption instead of actually discussing this with him, he starts getting worked up. Because she is not hearing him. She is not acknowledging that the facts they have found during this investigation are not adding up. So he is honest and blunt about what he's thinking.

"I'm just saying it's possible that he took your one-of-a-kind alien spores and quit, so that, just like you, he could use the research himself, free of Genoryx."

Max is the one who brings the science into this conversation. Not Liz. And he's not criticizing or questioning HER application of the science. He's questioning the trustworthiness of Heath. Because the lies are starting to jump out at him like a friggin’ neon light.

BUT — now that he's specifically brought up the science, he has her attention. Because Max questioning her science is HER sore spot. So what does she say back to him? Something kinda judgy.

"That grand trust speech certainly had a short shelf life."

Side note: I really don't think there actually was a "grand trust speech" in this episode. I can think of a few scenes where there might have been an opportunity for one. In particular during the milkshake scene when he admits to saving her tapes. But they actually don't talk about trust in that scene. They talk about having hard conversations. They talk about moving forward instead of looking backwards. But they don't talk about trust. My guess is that there might have been content cut for time at some point in this episode, that may have included some grand declaration from Max, but that's really just speculation on my part.

Regardless…Liz's response to Max bringing up the science is to basically accuse him of not trusting her. Which is not what he was saying. He was not questioning her use of the science. He was questioning her trust in Heath through the context of her science. So he elaborates on what he IS saying, and as he does, he's getting more and more worked up...because this does relate directly to his personal fears, and, frankly, his buried trauma that he's never properly addressed.

"I trust you. Okay? But I don't trust some guy I have barely met with a secret that could endanger me, could endanger my family and break the frickin' Internet if it came out."

Max doesn't know Heath, and he doesn't trust Heath with a secret that could endanger Michael and Isobel. His emotions are escalating, because now he's thinking about the science that scares him in the hands of a guy that all signs points to being potentially untrustworthy, and he's triggered.

BUT he doesn't back up his argument. He doesn't point out the very specific evidence he's identified that Heath is probably lying to Liz.

And Liz is inherently reactive and sometimes overly defensive (see 1x09 list of Liz's flaws). So even though he's focused on Heath, she immediately reacts defensively and takes it as a criticism of HER.

"You think I would let myself be conned?"

"No, I think you came out here looking for a partner, and it could blind you."

*deep breath* and this is where it starts to get personal. And rough. Max isn't entirely wrong here. But he also kind of is. Liz didn't choose Genoryx for partnership. She was looking for resources, freedom to do the science she wanted to do, and to save her father from deportation.

But partnership? Yeah, Liz wanted that. But she wanted that from MAX. She was looking for partnership in life, not in science.

And now that Max has thrown that direct criticism out there, Liz is going to throw a bomb right back at him.

"Just because you sabotaged me when I thought you were mine does not mean that Heath would take the same path."

Ouch. This is the hardest line in this whole scene for me to work with. Because it is combative. And purposefully hurtful.

BUT…she is NOT TALKING ABOUT HER SCIENCE. She has not said a single word about her science in this argument. She moved past that. She had the epiphany that she was wrong and she apologized (3x03). That is in the past for her.

This argument, for Liz, is about betrayal. This is about her believing that they were going to be partners and move their lives forward together (2x12), and right when she believed in that future, Max made another massive decision that directly impacted her life (just like he did in 1x13) instead of working with her to make big decisions together.

"And just because you changed the wallpaper doesn't mean you've mended your blind spots."

I really hate this "change the wallpaper" line. It feels like they're mixing metaphors. Liz called her life a commercial. Max is saying that she's changed her decor. Like...pick one and stick with it.

That aside… I think this barb is about her arrogance. Earlier in the scene, she seemed baffled at the idea that Max believes she could have been conned by Heath, because Liz is used to always being the smartest person in the room. She thought she was smarter than Diego and he figured her out. She believed her lab was secure, but Diego (possibly) got in. Sometimes, like most scientists, Liz is so bogged down in the complicated, brilliant details she’s thinking through, that she misses simple things that contribute to the big picture. And I think that's what Max is getting at here. In her arrogance, she believes that she can control the Heath situation. But she's not acknowledging the human factor here - that Heath is a person who may have his own unspoken ulterior motives driving him. Just like Diego did. She's just not seeing what Max is seeing.

BUT - again I'll say. Max is also not communicating the scope of the evidence he is collecting. They're both wrong here.

"I have learned my lessons, but you... oh, my God, you sound an awful lot like the guy who blew up my lab. So forgive me, but you're making it perfectly clear why I felt like I had to go and change the wallpaper."

This is the only line where Liz even comes close to talking about her science, but again, she's talking about his betrayal. She's talking about him undermining their partnership. She's talking about her need for a change of scenery from HIM.

And that’s when Max blows out the safe and they put the fight on hold to finish their investigation.

But, to sum it up…the fight was all about trust and betrayal. It was necessary for them to work through it, though frankly? I wish they could have finished the discussion. Because instead of them coming to some sort of peace with their trust in each other, the truth came out about Heath, Liz realized that she was wrong, she apologized, and they moved forward together, on mission.

I can’t help pointing out though…after the fight and Liz's epiphany about Heath, Max and Liz spent at least 15 hours in a car together. And I'm sorry, I refuse to believe that they didn't talk about anything important for 15 hours. Fic writers assemble? 😆

Many thanks to @ober-affen-geil for doing a quick review and checking me on opinions vs facts. Very important.

And for my next trick… road trips, life choices, and Robert Frost! Coming soon to a Tumblr near you…

#rnm echo #rnm season 3 #roswell new mexico #max&liz #my meta #max evans #liz ortecho #rnm meta

[garbagevanfleet]

Brightest Blue (series)

PART ONE

Pairing: Josh & female!Reader Warnings:  None yet.  Summary: Things are changing. New state. New school. New roommate. You just pray things are going to click into place. Notes: Here we are everyone. This fic has been a long time in the making, but I’m pretty dang happy with it so far! I made Josh extra lovable and squishy for you all. I hope you enjoy! This fic is edited by the amazing and gorgeous, @lantern-inthenight. And big thanks as always to @myownparadise96. I literally could not have found the motivation to do this fic without you. 

MASTERPOST 

taglist: @myownparadise96 @n1-party-anthem @valleyd0ll @bigblack-catattack @guitarfingers @thebohemianpenguin @oblvions @hansonobsessed​ @satingrass-maidensfair​

The scenery in Michigan was vastly different than back home. You were used to and comfortable with the nearly unforgiving heat of the American South West, but the farther away you got from home, the more foreign everything seemed. The scrubland slowly started being replaced by emerald green grass and dense forests of towering pines. Once you hit Illinois, little farmsteads were scattered along every road you took, boasting fields thick with corn and beans. 

It was a bit over a full day’s worth of driving. You had originally thought you could just drive right through - after all, you were young and you had plenty of caffeine at the ready. In reality, you wound up digesting the trip over two days. 

You were a fortunate enough person that you had a reliable car, which made up for the fact that it wasn’t very pretty to look at. It didn’t exactly sip gas, but that had never even been a concern before this - it wasn’t very often that you left home, let alone make a trip across the country. But you were able to breathe a sigh of relief when you started seeing the exit signs for Ann Arbor. 

Your parents had been a bit judgemental about you picking a school so far away - they were even worse homebodies than you, and they knew that you being across the country meant they wouldn’t be seeing you until the school year was over - but there was no way you could turn down an opportunity like this one. You had worked your ass off to qualify for a scholarship, knowing full well that there was no way you could afford higher education otherwise. MU hadn’t been your very first choice but with one of the better programs in the country for your desired field, you just couldn’t turn it down. 

You had to pull over into a McDonald’s parking lot to pull up the address you were looking for and program it into your phone’s GPS before continuing further into the city. Your mother had been particularly wary about your living situation. See, she was a woman that adamantly liked to have a plan and then stick to it - she didn’t see any value in just letting things happen. “Go with the flow” wasn’t in her vocabulary, but you’d always romanticised the idea. Which was why, when you pulled up to the apartment that you were going to be living in for the next year, it was the first time you’d ever seen it. 

You had found the listing on the Facebook marketplace for the area, looked at a couple of pictures, and signed the lease agreement online - all without knowing what you were really in for. You’d been informed that you’d have a roommate when you’d contacted the landlord, but she hadn’t mentioned a thing about the person other than that. All she really said was “no pets, no smoking, and one month’s rent for the security deposit. You had told yourself that it didn’t really matter what the situation was as long as the other person wasn’t outwardly malicious and the place wasn’t infested with pests or anything, even though you knew it mattered a little. 

An audible sigh of relief left your lips when you pulled into the apartment parking lot and found that your new home looked well kept. The building had old, slide-up windows, but the brick siding was clean, and the shrubs that lined the property were trimmed and neat. You and your back seat stuffed to max capacity with house plants had made it - and with only a bit of sleep deprivation and caffeine jitters for damages. 

After you got out of the car, you grabbed your very favorite potted cactus and found your way into the building, meandering down the dim hall until you came upon the door marked 6. You hadn’t been given a key yet, so you knocked with your free hand and waited until you heard someone shuffling around inside.

You would be lying if you said you weren’t nervous - obviously, you were - but more than anything you were excited. Anxious, maybe? That seemed like the right word. 

The door opened to reveal a boy, around your age, hair a mess of curls on the top and shorn tighter to the sides of his head. You were immediately taken aback by the depth in his eyes, chocolatey and warm. 

“What’s up?” he asked casually, leaning against the door frame, a pair of old-school headphones dangling from his hand. 

You frowned at him slightly, suddenly terrified you’d gotten the wrong apartment number. You weren’t sure how you’d live with that embarrassment, especially if you had to live next door to him - you’d just be that stupid girl that didn’t even know where she lived.  “Oh, I think I’m your new roommate? This is number six, right?” You peered around the other side of the open door, just to confirm.

A beaming grin spread over his soft face, showing you his blindingly white teeth and the deepest pair of dimples you’d ever seen. “Oh, cool, yeah. Come on in.”

He stepped aside, giving a dramatically flourished bow as a gesture for you to enter. You obliged, and even though this was your new house too, you paused and waited as he shut the door behind you. 

“Sorry, I was expecting you yesterday, so.” He trailed off with a sheepish smile and then extended his free hand to you. “Anyway, I’m Josh.” 

You shifted your cactus to one arm so you could shake his hand. “Y/N. Yeah, sorry, it took me longer than I expected to get here. Which is why my stuff apparently showed up before I did.”

You eyed around the apartment, spotting boxes of your things in piles. The original plan your parents had come up with was to have you rent a U-Haul, but since you’d never driven anything bigger than your Camry, you had quickly shot that idea down. After some expert negotiating, they had agreed to hire a moving company. You hadn’t had the balls to ask what a service like that had set them back - decided instead that it was better if you didn’t know. 

“Oh yeah,” he replied, rubbing at the back of his neck. “It all showed up yesterday at like noon. One of the boxes was open a little, and I saw records so I looked through them to make sure you weren’t some kind of freak.”

It was more of a statement than a warning, and the smile he gave you showed not even a shred of an apology so you just smiled back. “Find anything you like?”

He turned on his heel and headed into the kitchen - connected to the living room by a huge square archway. “Your music taste is,” He paused, opening a cupboard and pulling down two mismatched glasses. “Eclectic.”

You laughed at him, bending to gently set your plant down on a side table. “That’s true.” 

“But I found plenty I could listen to, so I guess you’re okay. You want some juice?” he asked as he held up a paper carton of store brand orange juice

. 

“That would be lovely,” you agreed, standing stick straight the way you did when in the presence of new company. “My dad used to take me to a lot of thrift stores and we’d go home with a minimum of two records per trip.”

“I love thrifting,” he said simply, giving you an alarmingly serious look. “There are three here, I think. Every once in a while you can find something really worth keeping. I have kind of a ‘catch and release’ policy where if I don’t instantly know what I’m going to do with an item, I leave it there, but I think - like - a third of my wardrobe is from thrift stores.”

You listened, feeling oddly entranced by the way he was handing you thoughts as they came to him. There was something truly honest about it - a quality people back home didn’t seem to have. It was charming. 

He brought your glass of juice to you and then motioned to the rest of the apartment. “You want the grand tour of Casa De Joshua-” He gave you a pointed look and a cheesy grin. “And Y/N?” 

You breathed a laugh at him, nodding as you sipped. “Please.”

“Okay, try not to get lost - this is obviously the living room. I do most of my living here as the name would suggest. I found this couch on the side of the road - actually almost all of my furniture is adopted.” As he explained, he was gesturing to items like Vanna White.

The couch looked. Well-loved. You could tell just at a glance that it was probably past it’s prime when Josh had stumbled upon it, but it did look comfortable, and it wasn’t like you had a couch to offer, so you were happy with it. 

“I have this TV but it’s really only for movies and stuff because I’m twenty-two and I’d rather die than pay for cable. But there are literally hundreds of DVDs in the TV stand that you are welcome to peruse at your leisure,” he informed, his hands gesturing almost arbitrarily as he talked. 

You followed as he moved on through the archway. “This is the kitchen. All of the food lives here. There’s lots of stuff, but I try to just make two bigger meals per day. I don’t have a real ice tray so I’ve been using a chocolate mold- Well anyway, our ice will be in the shape of wiener dogs.”

You were shocked at the laugh that escaped you, genuine and uncontrolled. He grinned over at you, clearly also surprised - but pleased with himself for getting the reaction he was aiming for. 

“I think I can live with that.” 

“Good,” he agreed simply, giving you a new kind of smile - something sweeter. After a beat, he motioned down the hall with his eyes, letting you lead. “The bathroom is this way. The water takes like three or four minutes to get hot. I realized that I have a lot of products for some reason, but I condensed them all into this one area in the corner just in case my new roommate was a girl, and you are so that’s great. I’ll probably get a shelf.”

There was a proud quality to his voice like he felt gentlemanly for letting you have all the space you needed. For some reason, that made you feel warm and fuzzy. 

“And what if your new roommate had been a boy?” you inquired with a smirk. 

He put a finger on his chin, taking on a contemplative look for you. “Hmm. Then I guess I slowly would have moved my stuff back to the cabinet - probably just one thing per day so he wouldn’t notice. Unless he had a lot of makeup or something, then I’d just let him have it.” 

He grinned as you teasingly shook your head. 

“This way is the sleeping quarters. My room is there on the right and yours to the left.”

You stepped into your new room and let a sigh of relief. Two huge windows took up a lot of the far wall, framed underneath by large sills. The space was bright and roomier than you’d pictured. Your bed was set up in the very middle of the room, but you already knew exactly where you wanted it to go. For some reason, you had been concerned that you wouldn’t like the space, but it was kind of perfect. 

“This is great,” you breathed, turning to him and giving him a sly grin. “Wanna give me a hand moving my furniture around?”

He pretended to consider for a moment until you spoke again. 

“My mom sent money for pizza while I get stuff unpacked,” you said coyly. “If you needed any convincing.”

He laughed, showing you his teeth. “You drive a hard bargain. Okay, I’ll help as long as I get to look through your stuff while we move it.”

You gave him a questioning look, earning a one-shouldered shrug in return. He looked benign enough standing there, propped against the door frame with a goofy upturn to his lips, so you relented.  

“Deal,” you agreed.

You were positive you would not have been able to move stuff without his help. For being a slender boy, he seemed to easily be able to get things where they needed to be. He dutifully helped you shove your furniture into place - your bed against the window wall, your desk and vanity on the wall with your closet door. Then, bless his little heart, he helped you move it all again when you decided you didn’t like the arrangement (but not without some light griping). 

One by one, you brought in your boxes from the living room and you allowed him to poke through them, perched on your bed. He flipped through your books, thumbing pages of ones that piqued his interest - you could only imagine that he was already planning on borrowing some of them. He reacted similarly to your framed photos, as he unwrapped them from their packing paper.

When you got your record player set up, he put on a vinyl and started to hang your art prints on the wall where you instructed him to. The look of concentration on his face was rather endearing as he held a few nails between his teeth and hammered them into the wall, one by one. There was a time or two you were convinced that he was going to mutilate his thumb, but he didn’t, and when the last picture was hung, you breathed a sigh of relief. 

You called in a pizza, adorned with his requested toppings as you hung your clothes into your closet, your phone tucked against your ear and shoulder for maximum efficiency. 

Plants collected on your bed until there was no more room for them - after that, he started setting them on the floor as he brought them in from your car. He didn’t seem to be judging the sheer amount of them, even though he had every right to. 

“It’s going to look like a jungle in here,” he stated finally as he took a bite out of a slice of pizza that he was holding like a taco, his eyes raking over all of the foliage scattered around your room. Rather than sounding like he was teasing, his tone seemed excited. 

You grinned at him, starting to arrange them on the window sill and your bookshelf that had only ever served you as a plant shelf since you’d bought it. “Plants are my passion. Botany major,” you explained as you fluffed up your Monstera’s huge leaves. 

“Ooh.” He raised his eyebrows at you, pulling one of his legs up underneath him on your bed - now fitted with sheets. “I think that’s going to be nice. Give it some life in here.”

You grabbed another slice from the pizza box on your nightstand and tried to think of the right tone of voice to use to ask the next question. “How long have you lived here by yourself?”

He hummed, eyes flicking around distantly as he thought. “Well, I’ve lived here just over a year, and my first roommate dropped out and moved back home about...six months ago?”

“Have you been lonely? You seem like a social guy.” You gave him an empathetic look but he just shrugged at you. You hadn’t known him long enough to know for sure, but you suspected he was more affected than he was letting on. 

“I mean, a little lonely. But I got used to it for the most part.” He paused for a good couple of seconds before a smile spread across his lips. “And Penny’s kept me company.”

“Oh, does your girlfriend stay here too?” you prompted, trying to remember if you’d seen any feminine looking items lying around that weren’t yours.

“What? No,” he said under a chuckle and stood, gesturing for you to follow him across the hall. 

The second you walked through the doorway, you were met with the smell of incense sticks and linen. His room was dimmer than yours and kind of cramped with all of his mismatching furniture, but he had a huge bed - you thought it could easily fit three people in it. There were some clothes strewn about around a laundry hamper by the door and you tried to not be jealous that his closet seemed to be about twice the size of yours. 

He crossed the room to crouch in front of a coffee table that he seemed to be using as a catch-all. The varnish was worn off the top of it in rings because sitting on the coffee table was a globe of water and a calico colored goldfish swimming around aimlessly inside of it. 

“Ah, so this is Penny,” you giggled as you bent over next to him. When the fish spotted him, it rose to the surface of the water, opening its mouth in demand for food.

He grinned down at it. “Light of my life. We’re not allowed to have pets but I figured that a fish didn’t count.”

You hummed, admittedly a bit charmed by the whole situation. “But don’t goldfish require a lot of space?”

The smile fell from his face, adopting a level of concern you hadn’t yet seen from him as he peered over at you. “Do they?”

Immediately, you felt guilty for putting that look on his features. Your brain kick-started - trying to think of a way to make it right again. “I think so? Maybe we can find her a small tank? Put a few little plants in there for her?”

Josh nodded at you, stroking his fingers over the glass with a frown. “I’m a bad dad.”

“No, no!” you assured, putting your hand on his head but then removing it instantly when you realized that you didn’t really know him, he’d just already made you feel like you did. Either way, you figured it would be inappropriate to touch him. “You’re great. She looks really happy.”

“She’s great at begging for food, so don’t get tricked,” Josh instructed after a moment, seemingly able to put his concerns aside to jest you.

You nodded in agreement. “I’ll be ever vigilant,” you promised, making him smile again. 

He stood back up, so you did as well. 

“Well, I’ll give you some time to get comfortable in your room,” Josh said, sitting back on his bed. “Let me know if you need anything, okay?” 

“I promise I will,” you assured, tapping your hand on the doorframe on your way out. 

By the time the sun was set, your room was shockingly well put together. The emotional rollercoaster that was the album Rumors helped you keep on task, losing yourself in the music so it didn’t feel like work at all. You hadn’t been expecting it to come along so quickly, but you guessed that was because you hadn’t anticipated such a friendly roommate. The nesting had always been your favorite part, so you took your time to enjoy placing out all your knick-knacks and photos. 

You took a break to shower when you decided you were done for the day, reveling in the feeling of the water after such a long time in your car - He was absolutely right about how long it took to warm up from ice cold. When you got out and changed into your pajamas, Josh was sitting in the living room with a laptop across his legs. 

“You wanna chill?” he asked when he heard you padding down the hall, shutting the lid of it and setting it on a side table. “Or if you’re too tired, that’s okay too.”

“No, no. I’d love to talk.” You sat next to him, leaving a comfortable amount of room between you as you pulled your knees up to your chin. “Tell me more about yourself,” you requested, tugging a blanket from a beat-up wicker basket on the floor and wrapping it around your body.

“Hmm, okay,” he started. You wondered how long it had been since he had to introduce himself to someone new. “I’m from a tiny little town here in Michigan. I’m the oldest of four - two brothers and a sister. My brother, Jake, also attends MU and lives just off campus.”

You frowned at him. “Wait, why wouldn’t he live with you?” you asked through a disbelieving laugh. 

“He lived with me long enough,” Josh explained in a humored tone. “There are only so many people where I’m from and well - we wanted to meet new people, you know?” 

“I guess I should be grateful for that.” 

“Yeah, probably,” he teased and then paused to think. “I’m in performing arts - I’m actually putting on a production around Christmas with some elementary school kids.”

You suppressed the aww that was threatening to pass your lips. “You like kids?”

He beamed you a smile, shaking his head. “Love them. I want to have like ten of them someday.”

The thought of him surrounded by kids made you soften. You were genuinely shocked about how easy he was to talk to - how easy he was to like. You had never thought in a million years you’d get along with your roommate so well, let alone the first day meeting them. 

“I hope you get to,” you said as genuinely as you could muster, prompting him to give you a grateful smile. 

A yawn escaped you before you could hide it, and you quickly breathed an apology, but he just waved you off. 

“You must be exhausted from that drive,” he said, his voice soft. “You should get some sleep.”

You nodded in agreement and gave him a thankful smile. “Is it okay if I sleep out here?”

The look on his face was quizzical, forcing a laugh from you. “Why would you do that?” 

“I have this tradition where whenever I’m in a new place, I always sleep in the living room on the first night. It’s good luck.”   

“Whatever you say.” His lips pulled back into an unconvinced smirk. “Well, yeah, you live here now too, so you can sleep wherever you’d like.”

He disappeared into his room for only a moment before popping his head back out, fingers wrapped around the door frame.

 “Do you mind if I join you?” 

You tried not to look too taken aback by the question, but you could feel your cheeks flushing warm. You raked your eyes along the couch, entirely positive that there wasn’t enough space for the two of you to lay out on it together fully - at least, not without being pressed flush against one another. However, his face looked innocent and soft - not a single tint of mischief colored across his features.

“Yeah, that-. I guess that’s okay,” you agreed sheepishly with a shrug. “But I’m not sure we’ll both fit if I’m being honest.”

He frowned questioningly at you, his brows lacing together until he realized what you thought he meant. His face instantly turned a light shade of pink to match yours. “No, no,” he quickly assured in between a breathy laugh. “I’m not going to sleep with you - I’ll take the recliner.” 

“Oh, right.” You gave a nervous laugh of your own, cursing yourself out in your head for being so dull. 

You were still well embarrassed as you made a nest of blankets on the couch and he brought out a pillow for you when you realized yours were still tucked deep in your bag of bedding. When each of you was situated on your respective pieces of furniture, he flicked the light off with a comfortable sigh. 

It was silent for a moment before he spoke again, his voice taking on a tone that was far too smug for your liking. “You were awfully quick to agree to sleep next to me. You don’t have a crush on me, do you?” 

You knew he was teasing, but your heart rate still managed to pick up under the pressure. You had never been particularly good with awkward social situations; you rolled your eyes in the dark, thankful he couldn’t see how red you were. “No, Josh. I do not have a crush on you.”

“Okay,” he said through a melodic laugh, and you got the feeling that he’d gotten the reaction he was aiming for from you. “Should we be best friends though?”

You snorted a laugh of your own, wanting to be annoyed at how likable he was, but falling short. “You are the most peculiar person I’ve ever met, I think.” You curled up, clutching your blanket tight to your body. “But yes. We can be friends.”

“Okay, cool - I’ll order matching t-shirts for us.” You could hear the pleased grin he was wearing, making you feel warm and cozy. You pulled the worn blanket up to your chin.

“See to it that you do.” 

Author’s Note: okay, I hope you guys like it! please let me know if you want to be added to the tag list or removed from it. I’m using the same taglist from my Jake!fic, so no hard feelings if you don’t want to be tagged!

#josh fic #josh kiszka fic #josh x reader #joshxreader #greta van fleet fic #gvf fic #brightest blue fic

[shiroganeryo]

Komui's Discussion Room content (DGM 27)

Volume 27 has been released recently here in Brazil and I realized the remaining of Komui’s Discussion Room were nowhere to be found in English, but after reading all of it, I thought there are very interesting things hence why I wanted to share!

Please bear in mind this is not a direct translation, but a summary.

I have a lot of criticism when it comes to Viz Media’s release (official English), but I’m quite content with the work Panini, the distributor of D.Gray-Man in Brazil, has done so far with the official Portuguese release. If there are any mistakes, please bear in mind I translated the information directly from their version.

There are 11 questions covered in this summary. For the others, please check Jeidafei’s translations on them (totally recommend it!): Part 1 | Part 2 | Author's note & Thanks Corner | Extra

Without further ado, let’s get into it! This got very long.

≫ Kanda hasn’t reached the “critical point” in synchronization yet (+ why Allen isn’t a General)

In the question “How did Kanda hide having gone past the critical point”, Tiedoll answers that he actually has the potential it takes to do it but hasn’t done it yet. Still on the same question, they answer a related question about Allen’s critical point: “If Allen has reached the critical point, why wasn’t he appointed to become a general during the Order’s reconstruction?”

Allen replies that it was impossible at that time since Central was keeping watch over him. Tiedoll adds that he’s also too young and the only one able to operate the Ark, the latter making Central even more suspicious of him. General Cross’s reputation also seems to have played a part in this, having the higher-ups deem Allen as someone they couldn’t trust enough.

Ryo’s note: Allen thanks Tiedoll for putting his thoughts about Cross into words and Cross simply laughs it off. XD

≫ Sleeping positions

They get asked about their sleeping positions. Tiedoll describes how Kanda sleeps with detail (when younger, in fetal position; nowadays, he sleeps lying on his side, preferentially the right side).

Allen comments that Johnny sleeps sprawled on the floor or the desk and that everyone in the Science Division sleeps like this; when he first saw it, he got concerned thinking something tragic had happened. Johnny says it’s comfortable to sleep like this, but Allen isn’t so sure.

Cross comments on how Allen sleeps; he mentions he likes to sleep hugging something and when he can’t do it, he complains until falling asleep. Allen gets flustered and claims that he got used to sleeping with Tim because he used to be big, but is over it nowadays. Johnny remembers Link used to tell him not to sleep with the piggy-bank, to which Allen replies that it was “not a sleeping position, but survival instincts”.

Kanda comments on how he brought a ton of food to the infirmary one time and says it was annoying to listen to him eating nonstop. Allen replies with sarcasm (“sorry for needing to eat to recover my energies”).

Cross sleeps naked, with his arms open (according to Allen).

Tiedoll sleeps on his stomach, blanket over his face.

Ryo’s note: The time Kanda is referring to is in Chapter 135 (135th Night: Repose, Partly Cloudly).

≫ The symbol on the CROWs' foreheads

Cross replies that it’s probably the compulsory mark of the procedure that transforms regular people in CROWs. Tiedoll says that Cross knows a lot, as expected of someone who’s able to use magic –he shrugs off the compliment – and Kanda asks when and how exactly someone like him learned it. He angrily says he didn’t learn it anywhere and ends the question at Allen’s remark that he always gets angry when people ask.

Ryo’s note: This is interesting. Could imply he was the one to teach magic to Nea (and the Earl himself?), and not the other way around. But, it’s also possible he just didn’t want to answer.

≫ “What is something you find impressive on the other, but have never admitted?”

Johnny decides to start with Kanda and Allen, and the two exchange insults for several lines.

Johnny then passes the baton to the Generals, who do the exact same as their apprentices.

Johnny ends the question with a thank you and sweating nervously.

Ryo’s note: By “insults”, I mean things like Kanda calling Allen a crybaby, and Allen saying Kanda’s dumb. Tiedoll calls Cross a delinquent; Cross calls him “doting dad”. The list goes on…

≫ The time Kanda spent with General Tiedoll right after becoming his apprentice (+ Allen’s time with Cross)

They are asked what was the most outstanding episode from such a time, and Kanda absentmindedly says he forgot. Tiedoll seems disappointed, stating they had made so many marvelous memories together, to which Kanda replies “please stop talking in this weird way”.

Allen asks how the travels were, and Tiedoll says the most important at that time was to take care of mending Kanda’s heart. They spent much time talking about amenities, having contact with plants and animals and admiring beautiful landscapes. Tiedoll believes that getting in touch with beautiful things can help to connect with the world, despite carrying the burden of being a Second; he wanted Kanda to feel like regular people feel about the world.

Johnny and Allen are touched, and the latter comments how jealous he is. Cross then reminds Allen of how many bedsheets he had to wash because of him, making him flustered. He then goes on to remind how not only he did that but also had to feed him – Tiedoll comments on how it seems impossible to imagine Cross doing all that – and even help him change many times.

Allen’s embarrassment reaches the maximum and he threatens to beat Cross if he keeps talking about that.

≫ Stories of when Kanda and Lenalee were little

Kanda tries to shrug the question off, but Johnny insists they answer. Tiedoll says that the two of them were really cute, just like two lilies that bloomed inside the gray scenery of the Order; Kanda tells him to stop.

Allen is uninterested in Kanda, but wants to hear about Lenalee. Cross asks him if he likes her, and says he thought he had a girlfriend in the Asian Branch already. Allen denies it and says both LouFa and Lenalee are his friends; Cross laughs, saying he doesn’t judge, and Allen nearly snaps in irritation (again).

Johnny moves on to answer the question; Kanda is against it, but Tiedoll holds him in place. Johnny tells that Jiji told him that at first, Kanda would be asked if Lenalee could train with him, but he would shrug her off saying he didn’t want to train with a girl, which would make her cry.

Every time Kanda made Lenalee cry, she would run off to Reever. In reality, Johnny thinks she wanted to talk to Komui instead, but she thought he was busy and didn’t want to bother him, resulting in her crying at Reever’s desk. Tiedoll and Allen are weeping at it (they thought it’s cute).

While Reever comforted Lenalee, Marie would appear bringing Kanda along, who had no idea how to apologize, while Lenalee would bashfully hide inside Reever’s lab coat. This kept happening until he eventually accepted to train with her.

Johnny starts telling another story involving Kanda’s meditation and Lenalee coming back tired from a mission, but Kanda interrupts him. Allen says it’s being fun and tells him not to bother.

Kanda tells him to shut up, calling him a bedwetter. Allen snaps (again).

Ryo’s note: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

≫ “Who amongst the Noah would Allen best go along with? Hypothetically speaking.”

Allen and Kanda are worn out from fighting (see the previous question); Johnny is giving them calming tea. Tiedoll says that it seems Allen and Tyki Mikk looked friendly when talking to each other, and Allen interjects saying they’re not friends and that Tyki doesn’t respect the notion of personal space.

He then goes on to say he doesn’t imagine himself being friends with any Noah because they lack common sense. Cross mentions Road and how she’s always being flirty with him, which makes Allen tell him to stop implying things, while sounding unsure about being friends with her or not.

Johnny asks if Allen is embarrassed and reminds Road kissed him. He denies being embarrassed and says that kissing is just a form of greeting for her (he’s sweating nervously while saying so). He adds that, on top of that, he feels like Road sees someone else when she looks at him.

Cross seems amused.

Ryo’s note: This answer is very interesting. It seems to confirm the theory that Road had some kind of connection with past!Allen. We won’t know for sure until it’s revealed, but it does seem to imply such a thing.

≫ The taste of Innocence + the Crystal Type Innocence + Exorcist supplies + Cross suspiciously knowing about the Bookman clan

A reader asks how did Innocence taste like when liquefied; Kanda says it tastes like nothing, similar to water.

Johnny points out the wounds that formed after their Innocence became Crystal types and if they don’t hurt. Kanda says that at the time they don’t, but such wounds won’t heal even with his healing ability – which he concludes makes sense since it’s from where the blood comes out to form the weapons.

Johnny mentions that the Science Division (Komui, more specifically) made Lenalee pills that will prevent anemia. Still on that subject, Allen remembers people had asked what goes inside the bags the Exorcists carry on their uniforms. Johnny says they carry first-aid kits, disinfectants, anti-hemorrhagic meds, and things of the sort. Miranda and Timothy carry sweets with a high intake of calories, Krory carries Akuma blood sweets and Lavi and Bookman asked for migraine meds.

Tiedoll says they are nothing without the support of the Science Division and thanks them. Allen asks about Lavi and Bookman getting migraines. Cross mentions it’s probably from an occupational disease because storing that much information and memories can wreck your head over time.

Allen comments again that he seems to know a lot about the Bookman Clan, and that it’s very suspicious. Cross magnificently shrugs off the question.

≫ Allen’s cheating

Allen gets asked if he becomes bad at luck games (i.e gambling) in case he doesn’t cheat. He says that a bet on luck always rewards something even if gains are small, but Johnny says he’s really bad at things like rock-paper-scissors. Kanda thinks he was just in denial about admitting he’s unlucky.

When scolded by Kanda, Allen says it was a matter of survival and that he never cheated good people on; just bad people.

Johnny says living like this is dangerous and that he should stop; Allen apologizes and says he needs money, and if anything, he can use his Innocence.

Cross is amused and sounds proud. Tiedoll regrets Cross’s influence on Allen.

≫ About Link

Allen gets asked if he has ever seen Link smile, to which he responds he has tried making him laugh/smile, but never could do it. Johnny says that everyone from Central is very serious, especially Link. Tiedoll thinks that it might be forbidden to smile when their superior is Director Lvellie.

Allen goes on to ramble about how Link complained about everything: when he had food on his face after or during eating, asking him to redo reports because they were illegible despite Reever being able to read, scolding him for not drying his hair after going out of the bath because he could get a cold, and how he was a shame for not folding his uniform properly before putting it away.

Cross asks him, “what was he? Your mother?” and Allen says he didn’t get annoyed at him. He wonders if all moms are like this.

Johnny says people were worried when he was assigned to watch Allen, but in the end, Link went along well with everyone and confirms that Allen liked him as well. He also states that Allen’s reports became a lot easier to read thanks to him.

Ryo’s note: Ladies, gentlemen, and non-binary folks: it’s Link appreciation time! *tips hat* Also Allen wondering about how mothers treat their children was just precious, even if it’s a throwaway comment.

≫ The vibe at the Black Order

In the question “Who runs faster, Komui or Reever?”, Johnny says that he thinks Reever is faster; Allen adds that Komui cheats by using Komurin, though. Kanda gets annoyed and tells them they (at the Science Division) should make Komui behave accordingly to his role. Johnny sniffs and says that they try.

Tiedoll says that it’s actually good that Komui is cheerful because the Order used to be a very different place until he took over the post, and that he (Tiedoll) disliked the gloomy aura it used to have. Allen remembers Lenalee commented about it once and asks if the Order was really this different back then. Tiedoll says that even if it’s been built with a noble purpose, human beings aren’t perfect and a lot of things get distorted over a hundred years. He recommends Allen to ask For about it, as she has existed ever since the Order was founded and protects it to this day.

Allen is sad and comments he wants to visit the Asian Branch again someday. Johnny says he’ll go with Allen, but the latter says he would want to eat Jeryy’s food again before that. Cross sneers and wishes good luck.

They wrap it up at this, and both Kanda and Allen look very happy about being done with the Discussion Corner (as noted by Johnny). Tiedoll bids Cross adieu, and says “rest in peace, Marian” – to which he replies “don’t treat me like a ghost”.

Allen says he knows Cross is an illusion created by his weakness, but that he was happy to see him (in reference to the 222nd Night: Searching for A.W - Hypokrisis). Cross tells him not to exaggerate.

Johnny is content that they could finally keep it to the ideal number of pages – something the Discussion Corner is known to usually have trouble with. Tiedoll says that if they had gone overboard, the next issue’s Discussion Corner would be canceled, and wraps up thanking everyone who has cared about Yu so far and asks that people keep cheering for him.

Johnny thanks the readers for sending their questions. Allen and Kanda are relieved it’s over.

Ryo’s note: And that’s it! Man, this got LONG. Thank you very much for reading until the end. Can’t wait for the next Discussion Room, the way Tiedoll worded it makes it seem like it’ll be on the next volume, 28. I’m excited!

If you're interested in seeing more DGM content from me, feel free to check my masterlist here.

#d.gray-man #d.gray man #komui's discussion corner #komui's lounge #Allen Walker #Johnny Gill #Kanda Yuu #Cross Marian #Froi Tiedoll #DGM #I sure hope I didn't count wrong the number of questions #math isn't my forte at all #as for the palette requests: I'm currently working on them!

[disturbedbydesign]

Lie To Me - Chapter 14

Pairing: dark!Professor!Bucky x reader

Chapter 14 Word Count: 3.1K

Summary: After getting a spot in Professor Barnes’s coveted writing workshop, you start to form a close relationship with your handsome new teacher. But Bucky Barnes is not who he appears to be, and once he has you where he wants you, he’s not going to let you go.

Warnings (for complete work): noncon/rape, dubcon, sexual assault, daddy kink (not ddlg), voyeurism (hidden camera), blackmail, manipulation, age gap (reader is 21, Bucky is late 30s), student/teacher dynamic, physical violence, reader has history of physical and sexual abuse by a family member, mentions of domestic violence, mentions of campus rape, body image issues (reader has scars), ableism, smut/explicit sex (oral, vaginal, anal), unprotected sex (wrap it up, kids!), choking, biting, breeding.

A/N: Written for the @writing-in-the-dark-bingo challenge (bingo card at end of chapter). This one got away from me but there’s just something about creepy manipulative Professor Bucky that really does it for me. I apologize in advance for how messy this gets. Also, please heed warnings. This is a dark!fic and you are responsible for your own media consumption. 18+ only, no minors.

If you prefer to read on AO3, you can do so here.

Chapter Fourteen

You weren’t supposed to arrive at your villa until the next day but Bucky arranged to get you in a day early because you both needed a change of scenery. The 5-hour drive was beautiful but absolutely torturous. One minute you didn’t want to talk to Bucky, the next you wanted to scream at him. You settled on something in between: long periods of uncomfortable silence punctuated by questions—things you needed to know—because it occurred to you that Bucky knows everything about you, and you know almost nothing about him that isn’t Googleable.

You hadn’t seen it before—how one-sided your relationship really is—because you didn’t want to see it. Your relationship had seemed impossible at first, so there’d been no point in scrutinizing and analyzing every little aspect of things; it could never actually work out between you and Bucky, so why not enjoy it while it lasted? You can’t pinpoint exactly when things took a turn, but they have, and now you’ve found yourself in too deep. The honeymoon phase is most certainly over, though—Bucky made sure of that—and now you want some answers.

“Tell me about your father,” you demand. “You know a whole hell of a lot about mine. I think it’s only fair.”

Bucky’s jaw sets when you bring the man up but he has no excuse not to answer you. “My father hated me,” he says. “He hated everything about me from the day I was born, and he never stopped hating me until the day he died.”

“Why?”

“He thought I was weak. Because I was born different. You’ve heard stories about my arm, I’m sure?”

“Lots,” you reply. “My personal favorite is the one where a shark bit it off while you were surfing in Australia.”

Bucky chuckles. “Yeah, that’s a good one, but the truth isn’t nearly as dramatic. My left arm never developed right and they had to amputate when I was still a baby. My parents weren’t too enthused about having a one-armed kid carrying on the illustrious Barnes legacy.”

“I’m sorry.” And you truly are. However much you hate Bucky right now, however much he deserves that hate, he certainly didn’t deserve to grow up unloved. It doesn’t excuse his behavior, but it explains it a little bit. “So… Natasha… she knew all that?”

“Yup.”

“And she-”

“Used it against me every chance she got? Yeah. She knew exactly what to say to hurt me, and she never hesitated to cut me down when it suited her.”

You see Bucky’s hands gripping the wheel so tight you think he might dent it.

“Why did you love her, then? I mean, you wanted to marry her. Why?”

Bucky sighs. “She wasn’t always like that, not at the beginning, and by the time she started to change, I was so in love with her that I just let her say or do anything she wanted.” He pauses, and you can tell he’s remembering things he’d rather not, but he doesn’t get to pick and choose what is relevant—not anymore. “I was convinced that no woman as smart and as beautiful as her would ever love me—and she loved to remind me of that. Now I can see how fucking toxic the whole thing was, but back then I didn’t know any better. I didn’t think I deserved any better. And neither did my parents. They were obsessed with Natasha.”

“So you stayed with her to make your parents happy?”

“Not exactly. She did make me happy. She made me fucking miserable, too, but she made me happy. I can’t explain it, but it was both at the same time.”

He doesn’t need to explain it because you understand, especially the part of you that so desperately wants to wipe the slate clean with Bucky and be happy again despite how miserable you currently feel, because he made you feel that way. You love Bucky. You hate Bucky. You want to kiss him. You want to kill him. You think that maybe only a person who’s been truly broken can understand how both things can be true at once.

You’re silent for a while, a question burning on the tip of your tongue, but you can’t ask it, because you really don’t want to know the answer. You have to know, though. If there’s any hope at all, you have to. Part of you hopes that he’ll just lie to you, because there are some truths that are too ugly to be told.

You close your eyes, take a deep breath, and release it. “Did you know what you were doing?” you ask. “Last night. Did you know I wanted you to stop? And look at me when you answer me.”

His eyes are filled with sadness and terror, and you know the answer before he says it. He couldn’t lie even if he’d wanted to—not with that look on his face.

“Yeah,” he says, his voice wobbly. “Not at first, but yeah. I knew.”

The tears come quickly and your throat is already swollen and burning as you wail, “How could you do that to me?”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, and he’s crying too, and you don’t know why the fuck you still love this man but you hate seeing him in pain even though everything he’s feeling is his own fucking fault.

Because hate doesn’t just replace love; it doesn’t come along and push all the love out and inhabit the space where it used to be. They live in there together, at odds with each other, all tangled up in a web of chaos and confusion. You wish it were that easy—that you could just flip a switch from one to the other—but that’s not how it works. Nothing is ever that simple.

“What can I do?” he pleads. “I’ll do anything.”

“I don’t know. I just… I don’t know.”

“Will you let me try?”

You look at him and his eyes are red-rimmed and swollen and he just looks so incredibly sad and sorry.

“Yeah,” you murmur. “Ok.”

He takes your hand and you don’t speak for the rest of the ride. For now, you’ve said everything that needs to be said.

📚

For the first time in a long time, Bucky Barnes is afraid. He can count on one hand the number of things he’s done in his life that he’s truly sorry for, and hurting you the way that he did is at the very top of the list. He’s counting his blessings that you are at least open to forgiving him and trying to move past the terrible thing he did, but you’re not there yet—not even close—and Bucky knows he has to be more careful than he’s ever been in his life or else he’s going to lose you. And he can’t lose you—not now, not when he feels love in his heart for the first time since the red devil shattered it.

And then, of course, there’s the thing he doesn’t like to think about: the very real possibility that if he hurts you again, you might snap. Bucky knows exactly what you’re capable of. You’re more than willing to dole out the ultimate punishment to men who have wronged you, and Bucky knows he’s no different. The tables have turned; you are the one with the power now—the power to hurt him, to break him, to kill him, even. Bucky doesn’t know how the hell he let this happen, but he has to do everything he can to fix it.

“There’s always the tape,” he thinks, but he doesn’t want to force you to stay; he wants you to want to stay, and if you don’t, he doesn’t particularly want to see you behind bars. He’d put you there, of course, but he’d hate himself for it forever.

It’s dark when he pulls off the main road. The villa is set about 2 miles back from the road, and the whole property is bordered by tall cypress trees—gorgeous in the daylight, but in the full dark they stand like sentinels, shielding the place from view. Bucky had always intended to arrive when the sun was shining because it’s truly something spectacular: a stone castle in miniature, set on the hillside overlooking Lake Trasimeno, surrounded by lush gardens and rolling hills and lines of grapes on the vine.

All the house lights are on, but the stone structure is still imposing in the darkness, especially the circular medieval tower that must be the highest point for miles around. He’d wanted you to marvel at the view down the hill to the lake at sunset, to see your face light up as you took in the ivy crawling up the ancient stonework and the vibrant flowers blossoming around the property. Instead, you arrive under the cover of darkness, tired and sullen and hungry.

The house was always going to be extravagant—Bucky knew the two of you had no need for 7 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms—but he’d wanted to impress you. But what would have been something breathtaking now seems intimidating. In the dark—way out in the countryside where the only sounds are the chirping crickets and the shrieking songs of the nightbirds—it feels far more isolated than it actually is. Still, tomorrow is another day. You’ve granted him the time to make it up to you, and he has to believe everything will look different in the morning light.

The caretaker of the property, Giulia, is there when you arrive to show you around the house and get you settled.

“I’m sorry the chef is unavailable this evening,” she says, “but he will be here tomorrow for breakfast.”

“It’s no problem,” Bucky replies, grabbing as many bags as he can carry. “I know we’re early. I’m just thankful you were able to get us in today.”

“I can give you a tour of the house but unfortunately it’s too dark to show you most of the property.”

Bucky looks at you, and even though you are smiling politely, he gets the sense that you couldn’t care less. Still, it would be rude not to accept.

“We would love that,” he responds.

📚

The villa is beautiful but you’re not in the right headspace to appreciate anything that you’re seeing. The sheer size of it and number of rooms is dizzying, and as you follow the caretaker through the house, you think to yourself how easy it would be to get lost in a place like this. Not surprisingly, your favorite room is the library, which is all floor-to-ceiling wood shelves completely filled with books, and a lovely little sitting area in which to read them.

Giulia leads you to the wine cellar and unlocks it, handing Bucky the key. You descend the stone steps and the cool air makes you shiver.

“As you can see, we have an extensive collection. Help yourself to anything you like, just be sure to make note of it in the book by the door.”

“Will do,” Bucky says, and you return to the first floor to tour the bedrooms.

You feel like it’s a bit excessive to tour every single bedroom and bathroom considering it’s just the two of you, but you go along with it because you don’t want to be rude to your host, who is just a sweet older lady doing her job. You find yourself thinking that whoever chose the wallpaper for the bedrooms and bathrooms should never be allowed to decorate anything ever again. All the rooms have different floral patterns and color schemes and seeing them one after the other is giving you a bit of vertigo. Of course, you’re also exhausted (emotionally and physically) and you’re so hungry your stomach is cramping. Still, you’re happy that you don’t have to sleep in one of the wallpaper rooms.

The master is at the top of the tower, up a stone spiral staircase, and when you enter the room you are pleased to see that the walls are white and adorned only with some lovely art and mirrors. The large four-poster bed is calling to you and all you want to do is flop down on it and not move until morning, but you know if you don’t eat something you’re going to feel even worse than you already do.

When the tour is finished and Giulia has gone, you turn to Bucky. “I need to eat something.”

“Me too,” he responds. “We have a private chef coming tomorrow but tonight we’re on our own. If you want to pick a restaurant, there’s a little town about 20 minutes away or we’re about 40 minutes from Perugia.”

“I’m not getting back in that car,” you say brusquely. “Can’t you just go get something? I don’t care what it is. I just want to take a shower and eat and go to sleep.”

“Ok,” he agrees. “I’ll go. Do you remember where the towels are?”

You don’t. “Yes. Please just go.”

When you hear the car pull out, a sense of relief washes over you and you realize that you haven’t been truly alone in days. Just 24 hours earlier, you would have felt like a part of you was missing with Bucky’s absence; now, you’re grateful for this brief respite from him. You can’t think clearly when he’s around. You don’t know how, but he always manages to make you feel like you need him—even after everything that’s happened. With a little time alone to think about it, you realize that maybe he is the last thing on earth that you need.

You want to text Zara, not to tell her the whole truth (because you can’t, not yet), but just to feel a connection to someone who you know has your best interests at heart. You’ve barely spoken to her the whole trip even though she’s been texting you, and you’ve felt guilty about basically ghosting her, but you figured she would understand and you’d planned on giving her the full rundown when you got back. But now you need her, if only for a few minutes. When you take out your phone, you see that you have no cell service.

You shouldn’t be surprised—you are way out in the countryside, after all—but it’s unsettling. Until now, you’ve been in cities and at full-service hotels, with lots of people around all the time. Now you’re completely isolated, and you realize that you have no real way of contacting the outside world. There’s no WiFi on the property to connect to. The villa has a landline, but you don’t know how to make international calls. You wouldn’t know how to call for help in an emergency. Is it 911 here? You doubt it. Even though the house is massive, you start to feel incredibly claustrophobic. But even so, and even with how hungry you are, you don’t want Bucky to come back just yet.

You fumble around for a while looking for the linen closet and find it next to the ugliest room in the house—the one with the sickly yellow wallpaper. Just looking at it for more than a moment makes your head swim. You grab two towels from the closet and shut the door to the yellow room.

The shower clears your mind a bit but you’re still so hungry that you’re actually nauseated. By the time you’re dressed, Bucky has returned with a couple of pizzas.

“Hope this is ok,” he says. “There wasn’t much to choose from.”

“I would eat anything right now,” you reply, grabbing a slice.

You eat in anxious silence, waiting for him to say something, but you don’t know what you want him to say. He avoids making eye contact with you and you wonder what he’s thinking—if he wants you to speak first or not at all. When you’re done and Bucky has cleaned up, he turns to you with a sheepish expression.

“I hadn’t planned anything for us tomorrow since it was supposed to be a travel day, so I was wondering what you want to do. We can go anywhere you want, or we can just stay here and be lazy. It’s up to you.”

“I’m too tired to think,” you say. “Do I have to decide now? I mean, I don’t even know what there is to do.”

“We can figure it out in the morning.”

He’s standing close to you but he knows better than to touch you. You would recoil from him if he did, but you still find yourself wishing he would try, if only so you could reject him.

You let out a huge yawn. “I just want to go to sleep, Bucky.”

“Let’s go up then.”

Your muscles tense up at the thought of sharing a bed with him and you look at him, hoping he can see in your body and your eyes that you need space, so you don’t have to say it out loud. He doesn’t though—or if he does, he doesn’t offer—so you say it, because he makes you.

“I want to be alone tonight.”

You don’t explain yourself or ask if that’s ok or if he minds because you don’t care. He looks absolutely shattered when you say it, but you’re not sorry.

“Let me at least take your bag up,” he offers, but you reject his assistance. “I get it,” he says. “I’ll leave you alone now.” He grabs one of his bags from the foyer and tells you, “I’ll be in the blue room.” When you hear the door close, you feel a weight lifted.

📚

Bucky lays on his bed and listens as you drag your suitcase up the stairs, and when the door to the master clicks shut, he finds himself fully alone with his thoughts. He understands why you don’t want to be near him right now. He wouldn’t have tried anything tonight—he’s not a complete idiot—but he’d hoped that maybe you’d let him get close to you. He misses the warmth of your body next to his, the smell of your skin and your hair, the soft sounds of your breathing when you sleep.

He can’t get to sleep so he stays up and listens for any movement to tell him that you can’t sleep either, that maybe you’re debating whether or not to come down to him. He would take you screaming at him or beating on him or anything other than this horrible absence of you. Bucky doesn’t have a plan, and Bucky always has a plan. But this? This he has no idea how to fix.

Chapter Fifteen >>>

#bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes #sebastian stan #professor!bucky #professor barnes au #dark!bucky barnes #dark!bucky x reader #dark!bucky x you #dark!fic #lie to me

[descendants-brat]

How I feel about Mal Bertha and her character PART 1

 This is not a Mal bertha Biography and it is biased in the sense that I don’t like her at all. Read with caution.

Descendants 2 was actually the first movie of the trilogy that I had watched. My little sister was watching it and I happened to be passing by and sat to watch it with her when it caught my eye. 2017 me had a completely different opinion of Mal bertha than today not because I was younger but simply because D3 hadn’t come out yet and I hadn’t watched the first movie or even knew there was books. I can’t stand Mal bertha, not even the D1 version of her and that’s the one even Mal antis love. I didn’t like her in the first movie but it was more of a “I wouldn’t be friends with her.” I didn’t think that she was unforgiveable and that it was impossible to give her a second chance. She made her own bad choices but she expressed genuine regret for them and was only 16. Despite me, loathing Mal’s existence I related to her in sense that it’s scary wanting to change but you don’t know whether or not your actions have caused too much damage. 

In D2 watching it as a stand alone I saw a girl wanting something other than the ‘happily ever after’ and deciding she would go for what would make her happy when she went back to isle. I was desperately hoping that after the ‘It’s going down’ scene that she would go back to the isle and not choose to stay somewhere she wanted to leave. But we know how that went and the ending left me bitter and sad not for her, but for Uma. She began to leave a bitter taste in my mouth when she broke up with Ben and came back and just expected him to get back together with her. I’m going to go around every version of her character.

PRE D1

She was a dick. That’s the simplest way I can put it. I don’t like even acknowledging pre d1 Mal because it leaves me with this very negative view of her character that I don’t think was necessary. I feel like this is a big fuck up, wanting to have Mal be her ‘evilest’ before coming to Auradon. I understand the reason why they wanted to show her growth and change throughout the series. But after looking at some real life scenarios with a similar Mal situation it made me look at it differently. Imagine this: someone who severely bullied you and harassed you and everyone around getting to go to a new place and get the best treatment there, then she’s congratulated with becoming queen of that land and not only that she then decides she’s going to be queen of the place she was bullying and harassing people at without ever properly apologizing. This happens in real life and these people get exposed which is why I don’t like it. It would be different if Mal actual grew throughout the series but it was real just her gaining more power and the scenery changing from Pre D1-D3. She also continued to make the same type of ‘mistakes’ with no actual direct consequences all she had to do was cry and they forgave her. She would be okay if it Descendants was a stand alone movie. But knowing the type of life she would get to live after all of this behavior puts me off from reading it. It would also be different if Mal lived a simple life in Auradon (Aka not trying to take control by dating the king and then stepping all over said king) She got more than what she deserved to have. In my opinion she did deserve the chance at all better life just like all the other kids who didn’t commit any crimes to be locked up. But in the eyes of people she victimized she wouldn’t deserve to be Queen become royalty, live in castles and get gifted with limos and bikes. 

D1

 D1 is the version of Mal everyone generally likes however, like I stated before I didn’t like her even then. At the start we see someone who is clearly trying to please her mother so if her mother wants bad behavior she gives her that. Throughout the main plot she did things of her own accord that she can’t use her mom as an excuse for. There’s a couple different things but a lot of them had to do with Ben and I’m making a whole post on how Ben was treated like shit throughout the franchise so that will be addressed then and not in this post. However for a reference she drugged him with a spelled cookie into falling in love with her for the wand. He wasn’t even willing to eat the cookie at first but she guilt tripped him into eating it. We could brush this off as her doing whatever she needed to do to get to the crown but to me she took advantage of the situation by actually going on dates with him. He was already spelled and willing to listen to whatever she wanted so besides for her own personal interest why would she go on the dates? (Granted a 16 year old wanting to get cute and have a nice date with a nice boy is not a fault or wrong in any way the fault here is all of this was happening when Ben was not in his right state of mind until the spell washed off.) Her taking advantage of Jane’s insecurities was not cool either and I’m interested in what ways she would’ve tried to use Jane if it was easier to get to the wand through her. Since her main crime in my opinion was Ben and since he’ll have his own essay post I’ll focus on Audrey here.

Her disrespect to Audrey

It was unnecessary, she had no reason to have had Audrey’s name in her mouth as much as she did D1. It would make more sense for Mal to like Audrey’s sassy boldness to me not shit talk her every chance she got. At the start they had a small passive aggressive conversation that could’ve just been left at that because technically they burred the hatchet between the two families. It was a “hey I don’t fuck with you, you don’t fuck with me” type of a situation that could’ve grown civil. However, throughout the movie in comparison to Audrey who really just had a problem with Mal’s mother until she spelled ben then it became direct problems with each other. Mal was continuously talking shit about Audrey as if Audrey was the one who fucked with her family. This time her upbringing can be referenced, on the Isle she most likely was allowed to openly hate things and Audrey was most likely raised to at least pretend to be polite. But from the Audrey we’ve seen she clearly doesn’t care about holding her tongue she’s straightforward with how she feels and she didn’t have a problem with Mal she had a problem with her mother. The only time she talked about Mal directly was about the hair spells which she ended up being right about (Mal’s addictive reliance on magic in D2 and Jane at the end of D1).  After completely ignoring Audrey’s feelings and literally stole her boyfriend (not even on the the you can’t steal a loyal man type of shit she literally stole him he wasn’t even allowed to consent to it.) She later in Audrey’s Diary multiple times tries to reason this with she never meant to directly hurt Audrey and that she didn’t really want Ben she just wanted the wand etc etc. The evidence doesn’t back this up Mal, you’ve made your disdain for Audrey clear and talked shit about her to Evie right after you spelled Ben the did I mention bs claiming “Chad will see her horrible personally” as if you knew her personally and that Chad didn’t grow up with her. Mal can say she didn’t mean to hurt Audrey but she clearly didn’t mind that she did.

 I’m going to make a whole separate on Audrey and how I do think she gets a lot of slack because people can relate to her, but also how her treatment in comparison to Mal’s is unfair. 

 I did think she deserved a chance to show remorse for her behavior (spoiler: she didnt) Again, I like to look at things from the pov of other characters for things like this. If I was an Auradon kid who was friends with Mal and ended up finding out she was using me and plotting to take over and destroy the place I lived with/for her mother but changed her mind last minute. I would see her as forgivable I just wouldn’t want her around me. In other words I would expect her to start her own new life, not continue trying to live the one where she was plotting without even actually apologizing to people. AU: After descendants instead of continuing to date Ben she breaks it off and goes to an Art school frequently coming back to visit Auradon and after high school she goes on a quest (with the C4 of course) exploring all kinds of different kingdoms and countries because she was locked up on the isle her whole life. In the future she possibly returns to Auardon and even could get back together with Ben with a proper start.

D2

The first Descendants Movie I ever saw so it holds a special place with me and I actually rooted for Mal the first time I watched it. I sat in to watch at the argument scene and knowing all of the plots now and after rewatching  it my opinion has change greatly. We see a blonde and very stressed Mal who’s dealing with the pressures of becoming a royal in order to secure her place with Ben. I do feel bad for Mal when she was talking to Evie, she was trying to reach out to her friend about her situation and was basically told to stop talking about it. I understand Evie’s feelings of wanting to leave the past behind but I can also understand Mal feeling like she’s cornered and can’t even talk to her best friend. I can also understand her feelings of ending up overwhelmed with her decisions from going to somebody who did whatever whenever to becoming a royal with duties I get the pressure. If Mal decided that wasn’t the life she wanted to live and went back to the isle where she felt more comfortable I don’t see anything wrong with that. She wasn’t required to stay in Auradon if she felt like she was unhappy there. That says a little something about Auradon to me if somebody would rather live where they ate rotten food than live there.  My sympathy for Mal stops there because everything else was a result of her own actions and things she brought onto herself.

1. The royal situation

Let’s get one thing clear nobody was forcing Mal to hand sign up for the prime and proper royal life. She did that herself.

Nobody told her that she had to dye her hair blonde and have a complete wardrobe change, she did.

Nobody said she even had to continue the terrible relationship she had with Ben and go straight into being a royal in order to basically become Ben’s wifey, she did.

She’s saying all of these people are expecting things of her when 6 months ago she was stealing candy from babies when she was the one who let people have these expectations. She decided to take up the role herself because that was what she wanted. Let’s be honest with how it happened Mal would not live in Auradon if she had to be a regular citizen she wanted to be in control of everybody and to have power because that how she always lived. However once she realized that nobody was just about to hand her this power just for being with Ben unlike with her Mom  (getting to rule the isle just because she was her daughter and not because she actually worked her way up there) and that she actually had duties and work to fulfill if she wanted to be the boss. She let her pride get in the way by feeling she had to prove she could last with Ben and become an Auradon girl and ended up miserable and blaming Ben for  something she decided to do herself.

She then had the responsibility to fulfill all of those duties and she was struggling unlike anybody else who would’ve had to abide by the “don’t use magic” quote on quote rule she decided to use Magic after claiming she’d give it up and was still a hot ass mess. She can’t even use the excuse that was to help her with her lady in training because she was using it to not be late to class and later to try and manipulate Ben.  @ishiphumasohard made a good response on why it was unfair for Mal to use magic as her ‘right’ because at what point would it be unfair to other kids? While all the other kids have to show up on time to school Mal gets to use magic to turn back time instead of just being on time. If other kids studied all night for a test Mal can use a speed reading spell. If there was a cooking contest Mal can spell her way into a feast while the others would have to the actual labor. You get the point, because magic is not universally used by everyone in Auradon and it’s an unspoken rule that it’s not to be used then she should have followed this rule.

I will say the girl was stressed and was feeling alone, I already gave my sympathies for that.

The magic situation really hit the fan when she felt comfortable enough to spell the boyfriend who had already put enough trust in her to continue their relationship that started with her drugging him for her own benefit. Compared to her Ben did seem to be taking it easy but maybe like her, he didn’t want to show it. It seems Ben and Mal had a sort of pack to work hard together to become ‘the king and queen’ of Auradon they were supposed to be in it together. In my opinion it would make more sense for Ben to be hiding things from Mal than the other way around due to the nature of their shitty relationship. But that’s just not how it went down and after Mal tries to spell Ben into not finding her spellbook he gets RIGHTFULLY ANGRY. That entire scene was her fault, she could’ve explained herself and why she was using magic and that she was having a hard time but she once again decides to take advantage of Ben’s trust. Then proceeds to make sure she ends the  fight with her being the victim. So much so that the entire fact that she spelled Ben was never brought up again.

Going back to the isle 

She then decides to go back to the isle, if this was really her decision I wouldn’t mind it. There’s nothing wrong with her liking the isle better than Auradon if that’s where she felt at home. The problem was she was clearly emotional and let’s be honest, if she had called all of her friends together and actually broke up with Ben and told them this was her decision to go back to the isle before leaving they MIGHT (hard might) not have ran after her like they did. Not only that the duties that we were speaking of earlier, she didn’t formally pull out of anything which is why it irked me when she was so irritated that they came back for her.

Some people actually didn’t like her attitude as soon as she got back on the isle because she expected to run it. That wasn’t surprising to me honestly, because for her whole life that’s how it was, only person she was scared of was her mother. She quickly realized however now that her mom isn’t around and in lizard form nobody was scared of her. Most unrealistic part of D2 was how Mal didn’t get jumped as soon as people realized she got back. Like I said Isle Mal was a straight dickhead and had too many enemies to be walking around like she was. 

Another point was when she got her hair dyed by dizzy, the shop wasn’t open, she saw this, ignored it and went in anyway. Not even because her and Dizzy were tight like that she just expected her to do what she wanted (get the pattern with Mal here?)

 Skipping her scene with harry because it did nothing to the plot.

The rest of the C4 and Ben come to get Mal back as expected and she acts all surprised and angry. Ben apologizes to her and instead of apologizing for what she did and then explaining that she doesn’t want to go back to Auradon and be a lady of the court. She continues the narrative that Ben wanted her to change and that she’s not good for Auradon so she’s going to stay on the isle. What’s the difference between the two? The first one is her taking responsibility of her actions and deciding for herself that that’s not the life she wants. While the other is acknowledging none of the blame and deciding to run away not because that’s not what she really wants but because everyone will turn on her so she has to run first. It painted a narrative that nothing of this was her own doing while at the same time making it seem like she is doing the right thing by backing away which in hindsight probably was the better decision. Mal’s feelings weren’t the problem I understand them, she thinks she won’t be accepted as herself so she wants to leave before they can kick her out but that’s not what caused her to leave and she knows it. You got caught doing something shitty and instead of apologizing you ran away.

After Ben gets kidnapped she lectures the C4, again she does have some blame in this. With the way the fight ended it made it look like Ben was in the wrong so he was going to try and apologize regardless if they brought him or not. The rest of them came to keep him safe and as her gang members come back for her. Was this not something she considered after she calmed herself down? Ben honestly had no reason to be directly on the isle unprotected besides to sneak and apologize to you so are you really going to just blame the C4 for bringing him there and getting him captured?

Then when Uma, who has him captured plans a meeting she antagonizes her like that’s what is best for Ben at the time. Even in the mist of Ben being in danger she thought it was a good idea to try and piss off the person holding him captive. If you don’t remember what she did she called her shrimpy, insulted the smell of the restaurant and said she never thought of Uma while implying that Uma always had her on her mind for no reason. None of that was necessary to ask what Uma’s conditions were to give Ben back she just couldn’t help herself. 

She didn’t care about Dizzy

Who had just performed a task for her and right after she paid her got robbed and had the place trashed just for Mal to say she’ll be alright. This should’ve been foreshadowing at the very least that she wasn’t ready to be making decisions for other people’s lives because besides her own and her friends she didn’t care for many especially those on the isle.

It’s going down

Even though it was in the song and not directly her words again antagonizing the person who has Ben held captive and threatening his life, insulting them is stupid. This entire scene is messy and they shouldn’t even had been able to win a fight against pirates outnumbered. When has Mal ever picked up a sword???

Car ride Back

She gets mad when Ben has sympathy/ shows understanding for Uma. She somehow realizes that it’s wrong Uma kidnapped him but was comfortable spelling him without a second thought. In my opinion she thought she had some type of ownership over Ben she could do what she wanted to him and if somebody else did it was wrong. (Even though this can be applied to what she did in D1, I’m only talking about D2 because most people agree she showed regret for her actions in D1) When he calls her out on her hypocrisy she goes mute and does that thing, of letting her mouth hang opened whenever she gets called out on her shit.

END OF PART 1

I was going to make this one long post but I’ve been putting this off long enough so here is part 1, no idea when part 2 will be up. I do hope to have the Ben posts up before that.

#anti mal #anti mal bertha #anti bal #anti ben and mal #ben florian #ben descendants #descendants #disney descendants #audrey descendants #princess audrey #Audrey Rose #evie descendants #ben deserves better #uma descendants

[atlabeth]

transferred part twelve - atla smau

masterlist | part eleven | part thirteen

this takes place about 2 weeks after the last chapter

summary: trying to run from your past is hard, but falling for your brother’s roommate is even harder. little do you know that he’s falling for you as well. 

wc: 3.6k 

a/n: i’ve been writing bits and pieces of this since the start of this series so. enjoy. that’s all im gonna say lmao 

warning(s): cursing, mentions of familial death, mentions of abuse, some angst but also some fluff. this is kind of a heavy chapter because both zuko and y/n talk about their past, but there is fluff at the end. 

~~~~~~~~

You pushed your hair out of your face and tried to blink the sleep out of your eyes, catching a glimpse of the time on the corner of your laptop. 

3:23 AM. 

You should’ve been asleep a long time ago, but all of your professors had decided to schedule tests in the same week so it was one of many, many late nights you had had lately. You thought that they would cool down because midterms were coming up, but BSSU professors kept proving you wrong. Late nights like these were becoming a regular occasion, and right now you just needed a break. 

The tea dates with Zuko were the only things keeping you sane. But could you even call them dates? 

It was the two of you, together, sitting and talking over tea for hours, and they were happening multiple times a week. In fact, you and him had gotten tea together exactly 9 times in the past two weeks — and that wasn’t even counting all the talking during your shared shifts. 

Katara, Suki, and Toph told you that they were dates, you wanted them to be dates, but there was a part of you that was so incredibly scared that you were wrong — that moving past that bridge would ruin the friendship that you cherished so much with Zuko — that you kept things solely platonic. No matter how much you wanted to kiss him every time he gave you that smile. 

But thinking about the complicated relationship you had found yourself entangled in with Zuko wasn’t a break, no matter how many times you had pondered over it before falling asleep in the wee hours of the night. 

You closed your laptop and grabbed your jacket that had been carelessly tossed on a stool at the kitchen island, making sure to sneak out of the apartment as quietly as you could. You opted to work in the living room, choosing to camp out on the sofa whenever you had to stay up as late as this, just so you wouldn’t wake up Sokka. Your brother had no idea how much you did for him. 

The cool breeze hitting your face and the shining stars in the sky were a welcome change of scenery from the lifelessness that was your apartment at night and your computer screen that you were sure was going to cause you eye issues later in life with how bright it was. 

You took a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling the crisp night air, and started to walk. You were sure you looked like a mess. You were wearing some flannel pajama pants, a BSSU tank top, tennis shoes, and Zuko’s jacket.  He had never asked for it back after that night at the party, and when you had showed up to one of your hangouts wearing it, he told you that you could keep it — “it looks better on you anyways” — so you did. 

There was something calming about the atmosphere. You knew that a lot of women were anxious about going out at night, especially alone, but that was why you had taken self defense classes. Being friends with Suki was a self defense class in its own, and it was very much appreciated. You allowed yourself to get lost in your thoughts, trying to give yourself the break that you deserved, when the hairs on the back of your neck stood up. 

“You know, it’s not safe to be out alone at this hour.” 

You let out a scream at the unexpected voice and whirled around, your fists already up to defend yourself. When you saw who it was, you laughed, completely shocked, and hit your hands against your legs, trying to calm your rapidly beating heart. 

“Holy shit, Zuko, you can’t just sneak up on someone like that!” you wheezed. You had no doubt that he only had good intentions, but for a second you thought someone was going to try and kill you. You had to admit, the scare was worth it to see the mix of horror and embarrassment on Zuko’s face.

“I’m so sorry!” His hands were held up placatingly in front of him and he let out a nervous laugh as well, but it did nothing to cover up the wide eyes he stared at you with. “I am so sorry, I didn’t even think about that. I- I was just up studying too, and I heard you leaving so I thought you could use some company- I swear, I wasn’t trying to scare you or anything!” 

You shook your head but couldn’t stop the smile on your lips, gesturing for him to come closer while you caught your breath. “It’s fine. Come on, walk with me.”

He fell into step beside you and the two of you walked in silence for a while, the only disruptions being the occasional car that drove by. It was eerily quiet, but with Zuko, it was nice. 

“So-”

“So-” 

Both of you laughed when you each interrupted the other, and when you motioned for Zuko to go first he shook his head. You paused for a moment, the question on the tip of your tongue, before you decided to take the plunge. 

“I’ve been wondering since I got here; how did you end up as friends with—” You gestured around with your hands. “—this whole crew? It’s kind of a weird combination of people, so I guess I just wanna know how you became a part of it.” 

Zuko sighed and ran a hand through his hair, causing your eyes to widen a little bit as a stammered apology came out. “You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to-” He gave you a tight smile and shook his head. 

“No, it’s fine. You should know about my life if— if we’re going to keep living together.” He knew the moment he met you, the moment he agreed to let you live with all of them, that he would have to explain his past to you. Hell, your siblings might have already told you some of it — he could only hope you’d still want to be his friend after he was done. 

“”I.. I wasn’t the best person in the past. I was a horrible person actually, and I consider myself extremely lucky that I was given so many chances to change. I hurt people. Bullied people. Got into fights just because I could. I was just- horrible is the only way to describe it. But your siblings, Toph, Aang? They were all people that decided to give me one of those chances, and they’re a huge reason that I am who I am today.” Zuko spoke slowly, and you could tell that this was something he didn’t open up to many people about. You smiled softly at him and nodded, letting him know that he could go on. 

“I don’t know how much you know about my father, but he’s the CEO of our family company. He’s been this huge presence in the business world for as long as I can remember, and he’s responsible for all the wealth and fame that our family has today. And when I was younger, I idolized him. I thought he was the greatest man in the world, that he could do no wrong, and I just followed him blindly. He was the most important person in my life, but.. I was nothing to him.” 

“He didn’t care about his friends, or- or his family, he only cared about power. My mother left when I was young, we haven’t heard a word from her since, and- and I don’t even know if he cared. My father would do whatever it took to become as powerful as he could, and that meant—” Zuko’s voice was getting louder and he cleared his throat, trying to keep his cool. There was a certain hollowness behind his eyes, and it tore you to pieces. “That meant hurting anyone that went against him. Including his children.”  

“I have a sister, Azula. She’s a prodigy in every sense of the word, and my father used it, used her. She was clearly his favorite, and it drove me insane. I mean, I did everything for his approval, but he only cared about Azula. We had a good relationship when we were younger, but my father molded her into the kind of person he wanted her to be, and— and I was jealous of her. He used that against us, purposefully staked the fire of our competition, one that I thought I could somehow win. But we had both already lost the second we started fighting against each other.” 

“It took me a long time to realize that.. that he was abusing us. I mean, he gave me this scar all because I spoke out of turn, and— and I still thought that I could earn his favor, that he deserved to earn my favor! He threw me out of the house when I was thirteen, and I went to live with my uncle. It took an even longer time, but with his help, and the support of your siblings and their friends, I was able to break the cycle. I was horrible to them at first, all of them, and I hated my father for what he did, but it was probably the thing that saved me.”  “And Azula.. leaving her will always be my biggest regret. My biggest mistake. I should’ve forced her to come with me when I was kicked out, I should’ve done something sooner, because maybe she wouldn’t have turned out the way she did.” He swallowed hard, his voice strained. “I came back for her once I was stable, and I helped her get out. I helped her get a therapist. It’s been a long process, but she’s getting better every day. But not a day goes by where I don’t think about what I could’ve done to help her more.”

You instinctively reached out for Zuko’s hand, and to your surprise, he took it without question. You gave his hand a small squeeze and led him over to a nearby bench — without realizing it, the two of you had entered a public park that was near the complex. When you sat down together, you moved so that one of your legs was crossed in front of you and the other was hanging down so you could face him. 

“Zuko.. I am so, so sorry. I don’t think any amount of apologies will be able to get how I feel across, but.. you didn’t deserve to go through that. No one deserves to go through that.” You took both of his hands, thankful for the warmth they provided. “Listen to me. Are you listening to me?” 

He gave a pained smile and nodded. “Yes, Y/N. I’m listening to you.” 

“You are not who you were in middle school. You are not who you were in high school. Okay? Your father is a horrible man, and you wouldn’t have done any of those things if it wasn’t for him. What you did when you were younger wasn’t okay, but the fact that you have so much remorse for it today proves that you’re a good person. Zuko, you are a good person, one of the best men that I’ve ever met in my life, and I’ve only known you for a few months.” 

You were subconsciously rubbing calming circles into the back of his hands —  hands that were still holding yours — while you talked, but it was all Zuko could think about.  “I know you feel guilty about leaving your sister, but you did what you had to do to get out. You came back for her, and you’ve helped her get better. She’s grateful for it, Zuko, I know that much.” 

“Everyone else has forgiven you,” you murmured, staring deep into the fire he held in his eyes. “You deserve to forgive yourself.”

The silence that passed while you gazed into each other’s eyes felt like it lasted an eternity, when really it was only about a minute. Zuko was the first to break it, clearing his throat and looking everywhere but at you as his words tumbled out. “I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to dump all of this on you at once.”

“It’s okay, Zuko, really. I understand; sometimes you just need to talk to somebody. You don’t know how much it means to me that you trusted me with all of that. And.. if we’re still baring our souls to each other, then I guess I have some things that you should know as well.” 

You bit the inside of your cheek; were you really about to tell Zuko about what happened? Most people knew that your mother was dead — killed in a drunk driving accident when you were ten — but you had never told anyone, not even your father or your siblings, about the full effect it had on you. But his eyes told you more than he ever could, and in that moment you knew it would be okay. You could trust him with something you had never trusted anyone else with.

“I’m sure you know that my mother died when I was young.” He nodded and you swallowed, trying to get rid of the sudden dryness in your throat. “It was.. hard. Really hard, on all of us. It was just so unexpected that we didn’t know what to do. We didn’t really have any money to spare, so my dad had to keep working, and I had to take care of Sokka and Katara. I was only eleven, but I basically had to take over the ‘mom’ role. Our grandmother came down to take care of us so we wouldn’t just be a bunch of kids living on our own, but even with her and Katara’s help, it was still hard. Sokka and Katara had to grow up much faster than they should’ve, even though I tried to shield them as much as I could.” 

“It was.. a lot. I won’t lie to you, it was a lot. Maybe too much.” A mirthless laugh hung in the air and you had to blink back the tears threatening to spring. “My mother was.. amazing. She was the only one who truly got me, you know? She was just this— this beautiful spirit in the world, and she brought light wherever she went. And when she died, it left this.. huge, gaping hole in my heart, one that I’m still trying to fill. I- I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fill it. I thought as I got older it would be easier, but i-it’s not. The three of us joke around by calling Katara mom because of how she is, and they sometimes do it to me, and I know that’s all they are, jokes, but some part of it still hurts.” 

You were rambling now, spilling your soul to Zuko, going into the most mundane details that you had never told anyone. You had taken away the dam that had been holding back the waters of your emotions for so long, and now Zuko was going to drown in them. But you couldn’t stop.

“It’s the reason why I didn’t drive for so long. I didn’t want to, I was terrified of it because of what happened to my mother, but someone needed to be able to take Sokka and Katara around. And- and as I got older, and I started going to parties and people started drinking, I never did. I couldn’t, I was always the designated driver, because I couldn’t leave that in someone else’s hands. I had to be in control, because if I let someone go, then it was like I was killing my mother all over again, and it’s the reason why I always have to be the one driving—” 

You paused to take a deep breath, and as you looked down at your hands, you realized they were shaking. Not just your hands, but your entire body. What the hell were you doing? You let out a tearful laugh, covering your mouth with one hand and shaking your head. “God, I am so sorry, I— I don’t know what got into me.”

Zuko’s eyes never left yours, his own glassy, and he shook his head. “You don’t have to apologize. Like you said, it helps to tell someone. A-and— I know how you feel, what it’s like feeling like you have to give up the world for your siblings. But you have to take care of yourself too. You’re not just what you can give to other people. You are your own person.”

He was thankful that you trusted him enough to tell you something like this about yourself, something that your own blood didn’t even know, but it also made him realize that you had always trusted him. 

Your point about driving. You liked to be in control so that if something did go wrong, there wouldn’t be any thoughts of what you could’ve done. If something happened, it was because of you and only you. And on your first day of classes, and many trips since, you had let him drive. It was something so small, so insignificant to anyone, but to you it was a sign of trust. 

You trusted him. 

“You’re shivering.” Your voice snapped Zuko back to reality and he shrugged, the smallest smile playing on his lips. 

“I wouldn’t be if someone had given me my jacket back,” he joked. You elbowed him in the chest and stood up, holding out your hand for him to take to help him up as well. Zuko took it and you ignored the butterflies that erupted, setting a steady pace as the two of you walked. 

“We should get back to the apartment. It’s late, and you need to sleep,” you chided. 

“You have bags the size of baseballs under your eyes. I think you need sleep just as much as I do.” 

“I’m special,” you shot back with a grin.

Yeah, you are, Zuko thought. 

The walk back to the apartment was shrouded in comfortable silence and intertwined hands, something that neither of you made any move to change.

~~~~~~~~

Soon enough you had gotten back to your rooms — such a small apartment meant that they were right next to each other — and as you turned on your heel to face him, a shy smile played on your lips. “Thank you. For, uh- coming after me. For listening to me.” 

“Of course,” he nodded. The two of you stood in silence for a while, and then Zuko reached out his hand. Your breath caught in your throat as he brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear, and the close proximity combined with the surprisingly intimate act caused your cheeks to heat up once more. It was like you were caught in a trance.

Your gaze flickered from his eyes to his lips for just a moment, and you could’ve sworn that he did the same. The air between the two of you was crackling with unseen electricity, and before you could question yourself you were leaning forward. 

You felt him lean in as well as your eyes fluttered shut, and his lips ghosted over yours. Your eyes snapped open and you stared at him, your lips slightly parted in disbelief — he just kissed you. Zuko just kissed you. It was like time had stopped — and then it all came crashing down. His lips came back to yours with an intense fervor, cupping your face in his hands to get as close to you as possible.

It was bliss in the purest sense. You reciprocated immediately, tangling a hand in his dark hair, letting out a soft gasp as your back hit the wall. Despite how many times you had imagined this moment, nothing could compare to the real thing. It was passionate but gentle all the same, and the warmth that spread through your whole body was familiar — it was Zuko. 

Your mind was a jumbled mess. It was split a million different ways; one part suddenly very worried about how your hair looked, one hoping that Sokka and Aang couldn’t hear you, another that didn’t care, but most of them were just screaming about how oh my god you were kissing Zuko.

You knew your whole face was flushed when you finally pulled away, and the warmth of his lips lingered as the two of you stared at each other, breathing slightly labored. You tentatively reached out your hand and softly, carefully traced your finger over a part of his scar. He flinched at the contact instinctively, but you felt him relax and even lean into your touch. It meant more than you could ever say, especially knowing what you knew now. 

“You’re so beautiful,” you murmured, your touch impossibly soft against the cracked skin of his scar. “And you’re stronger than anyone knows. Than you know.” 

You kissed him again, shorter and sweeter than the first but just as tender, trying to memorize the feeling of his lips against yours as he returned it. You smiled at him and pushed your door open behind you, equal parts nervous and exhilarated about what just happened. “Goodnight, Zuko,” you whispered, shining eyes never leaving his until you closed the door.  

As soon as you were in your room you turned around and leaned against the door, smiling to yourself like an idiot. Your hand ghosted over your cheek, the spot where his hands had been, and you sighed dreamily. You had no idea how you were going to be able to finish studying. 

This was definitely more than a small crush. 

~~~~~~~~~~

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