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#also idk if people forgot but you can still very much get murdered irl
cock-holliday · 4 months
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While I do think the internet has the unique opportunity to amplify brain-poisoning, I wish discourse wasn’t so heavily split into “online vs irl” when it’s much more an issue of…exclusionary politics and idpol hierarchy brainrot.
“This doesn’t happen offline” the problem is, it does. Because people who captain themselves the arbiter of validity on tumblr dot org are possibly also going to be a self-righteous dorkass at your DEI training, or when organizing lesbian night at the bar, or being president of a queer org on campus, or running LGBT orgs people rely on for survival. Many of the most exclusionary queer spaces were made offline first. Offline spaces organized by young folks from online spaces with no grasp of offline history are going to be just as rife with “terminally online” takes as any website.
Your local steel mill line is both likely to be violently homophobic out of bigoted ignorance AND supremely immune to microidentity politics because it means absolutely nothing to Joe Factory, who will shrug and go “hey man whatever makes you happy.”
Your liberal arts college is both likely to be aware of the niche politics of queer identity and will have heard of and be welcoming to your set of neopronouns AND will find new and cruel ways to be bigoted while smiling in your face because their flavor of queer is celebrated by the city mayor and so LGBT-phobia (please don’t say q***r) ended with marriage equality.
LGBT community that refuses intersectional lenses will always be rife with bigotry, both directed at minorities within this space and indirectly hitting people they think belong (ie assigning masculinity to Black queer women due to racism but then also exhibiting butchphobia/antimasculism at all masculine women, man-hating directed at cis men to “punch up” being weaponized against trans folks, etc)
Cishet society is still not safe for LGBT people, but has gotten better in some areas and worse in others as visibility has increased. Which means micro-infighting potentially is a non-issue in a space that is tolerant to other (more visible) forms of queerness, AND if there is a problem there with family friendly gays and lesbians then they will absolutely take issue with polyam genderfluid aces.
“In real life” has near nothing to do with it. If your space, online or in real life, is neither radically intentionally inclusive or tolerantly indifferent it’s gonna be bigoted—intentionally or not, queer or not.
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betweenlands · 3 years
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and now: dreamsmp, as explained by a yogs/hermitcraft fan who only watches tales
note - i’m a yogs fan so all of this is, as the kids say, “c![name]” unless stated otherwise
general
these white men can have so many fucking wars
do any of them even... like each other? like. nobody fills in creeper holes, they’re constantly stealing from each other and griefing shit and half the time there’s not even plot reasons behind it
y’all don’t have access to the end? like at all? i mean i GET maybe if it was modded and people had access to, like, backpacks, but it’s vanilla
“dream thinks smps die when they get to the end” dream is wrong, a coward, and a baby boy man
no shopping district? no ECONOMY? this part is fucking BAFFLING to me hello i do nothing but strip mine while listen to podcasts, i could buy and sell these idiots in diamonds. i feel like you could just say “we’re using prismarine blocks for currency now” and everyone would go fucking off it
i’m. i’m still stuck on the fact that there’s NO ECONOMY. like NONE. what the fuck. how do y’all live like this.
IT’S NOT EVEN MODDED i cannot grasp this. how is nonmodded vanilla minecraft with NO sense of honor between everyone else fun for anyone?
if you’re gonna run an anarchy server you should at least put icbm in your mod pack so people can explode each other properly
y’all have to use withers? you don’t have antimatter? w
i’m surprised people don’t get the places they logged out deathtrapped, this might as well be demise
all songs are acoustic sadboy or indiepop. i’d say “please write a diss track” but i don’t... think i want to hear that
i know “my lmanburg” is plot important but i don’t listen to ANY dsmp music by choice so i can only imagine it to the tune of my sharona
plot/characters
three lives system except it’s retroactive and makes literally no sense
there’s three immortals -- the server admin, who’s a horrible green-screen fresno nightcrawler (and is also canonically abusive? what? why would you canonize this?), a bird dude who does hardcore sometimes also, and sonic the hedgehog
i’m rooting for sonic
two children. actually a lot more than two children but there’s two very important children.
tubbo is one of the important children. he has infinity dads and i think he’s related to sips because their last names are both “underscore”. other dads include captain sparklez and maybe schlatt and probably some others too
he can make armor out of radio waves. nobody talks about this
tommy is the other important child. he’s simultaneously an uwu baby boy and also a little shit gremlin
schlatt. he’s sips but more
he’s glatt (ghost schlatt) now. which i know because he was in tales and constantly shouting GLATT
the first season was written by (irl) wilbur soot and it was apparently just hamilton? i don’t like hamilton.
IRL - he also supposedly forgot to tell schlatt his character was dying. again do these people talk to each other at all? like are they friends?
lemon microburger started out as a british drug cartel and has since been exploded like, idk, five times. i forget vanilla players have to explode things on purpose because [antimatter wind-up noise]
karl jacobs exists. he’s a time traveler. he’s very cool
charlie slimesicle pulled a nanosounds and launched himself into orbit and hasn’t come back down since
me too, buddy
foolish! he’s like, a demigod slash Totem Of (Un)Dying. he actually knows how to build! he seems neat!
...unfortunately he looks like Bench Appearo (i’m sorry)
THERE’S AN EGG hi as an old redstoner/flux buddies fan i FULLY fucking approve of egg. i love weird minecraft corruption plotlines i think we should have more of them
egg will make the plot good. join egg
there was some sort of war involving pet murder and also a railway system? might as well be happening
other stuff
fandom has one hobby and it’s discourse about who’s justified in doing what, which is baffling to me
back in my day we pointed at the unethical clone scientist whose name was a pun on hannibal lector and who did SO MUCH MURDER and went “oh he did nothing wrong whatsoever”
everyone has done war crimes but none of the fun war crimes
so does nobody do like. psychological warfare? not abuse -- like, leaving 50 signs leading to different coordinates on a wild goose chase that ends with “made you look” or tricking someone into digging their own grave
have some PANACHE! march up to the egg and leave the entire This Is Not A Place Of Honor text on signs! mix it up!
apparently people don’t like it when the production values are good, because if it’s too well-made then it’s not dreamsmp anymore? baffling if true. let people minecraft roleplay! high production values mean better plot!
something about discs i guess
okay that’s all, if i missed anything i’m supposed to talk about just tell me when you reblog the post and i’ll explain what i know
also i still can’t believe you guys don’t have even, like, a barter economy
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biancablack2474 · 3 years
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DO NOT READ DO NOT READ DO NOT READ. I'M EVEN GONNA ADD A GIF AS A BARRIER LIKE DO NOT READ THIS YET. Look at Tom's back muscles like DAYUM.
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OK ONTO THE LOVING PART.
Bianca. Binaca. Bicancan. Bainca. Bicon. I consider you one of my closest friends and it took like mere days to do that. Like, I finally started talking in the gc and then you talked to me and it was like an instant fit. There's just something about the both of us that just understands and so we can make each other cry laughing and I love that.
You're caring and kind but it's like kinda reading through the lines of humor you send. You have your moments where you can be serious but you're like me and don't let a moment last too long before your humor is coming out to "ruin" the moment. Idk just having a moment can't last too long cuz then I'll like start crying or get too feelsy so i have to buffer it with humor 😂 idk if that's why you do it but... even through your humor i can tell you care and that's all that matters 💜
Ok i regret picking that fucking gif because it is DISTRACTING to say the least!!!!!!!!
Also, you're the best in-in law i've ever had. I've never had one at all but if I ever do....even if they don't necessarily exist, you're always gonna be my favorite. Can i call you grandpa, or should it be....inpa, ininpa hehehe inpainpa ok these are getting out of hand MOVING ON.
I'm too shy to say cute shit in person but like you're very pretty and have the most adorable laugh. When you made your best man speech you legit sounded a bit nervous and that made me go AWWWWWWWWWE on the inside and then i remembered what was happening and became nervous again 😂 but hearing you just as nervous calmed for a bit if only to think of how cute you are lmao YOU ARE CUTE. DON'T LET NOBODY TELL YOU OTHERWISE. THEY SAY YOU AREN'T AND I'LL MAKE THEM SWALLOW MY FUCKING FIST THEN I WILL REACH MY OTHER HAND UP THEIR ASS AND CONNECT MY HANDS AND USE THEIR BODY AS A FUCKING JUMP ROPE. 😤
But this message isn't about how I'll brutally murder people who make you sad so, I love you.
Also, i love that we have taken the Loki motto and made it our own "i love you" thing. With that being said....
For all time? 💜
P.S. I feel like this was less feelsy and more humor im sorry when i talk or think of you my chaotic humor comes out i can't help it 😫
AHAHA OMG I LOVE THIS SO MUCH😂😂 I freaked out thinking of gonna be Extra Feelsy — but the chaos balanced it out almost perfectly (I say almost because I maybe might have treated up 🤏🏼 much)
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^^ in response to the gif
I've honestly never gotten close to a person faster than than I've gotten close to you 🥺 even irl! YOU'RE CARING AND KIND YOU LITERAL ANGEL! You sound like one too darlin'
Idk just having a moment can't last too long cuz then I'll like start crying or get too feelsy so i have to buffer it with humor 😂 idk if that's why you do it but...
I got you girl 😭 this is EXACTLY why I do it too! Like I don't mind cuddles or "physical forms of affection" but words are sometimes a bit too overwhelming for me😂 We DO just understand!
Inpainpa sounds perfect omg😭😂 you can call me that, I GIVE MY FULL APPROVAL! WE WILL BE THE ONLY IN-IN-LAWS IN THE WORLD MWAHHAHAHHA
Again please refer to the GIF I put because 🥺🥺🥺🤭 AHHHH! You're very pretty too! And you're like THE Most Chaotic Angel ever!!!!!
I WAS very nervous and my brother had also just walked into the room so I freaked out some more and I forgot my entire best man speech😭
⚠️
THEY SAY YOU AREN'T AND I'LL MAKE THEM SWALLOW MY FUCKING FIST THEN I WILL REACH MY OTHER HAND UP THEIR ASS AND CONNECT MY HANDS AND USE THEIR BODY AS A FUCKING JUMP ROPE. 😤
Honestly— this is why I love you👏🏼👏🏼 PERFECT! THE CREATIVITY *chef's kiss* Who would've thought of connecting the hands 👌🏼⚠️
Making the Loki thing our "I love you" was the best thing we ever did and it wasn't even planned 😌
For all time? 💜
Always💓
THANK YOU FOR THE CHAOS! I LOVE IT😭 It was still feelsy tho 🥺
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mlbpotter · 3 years
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Sole Crusher and why I hated it.
Ahh, one of the most prodigious episode for Zoe-fans.
You see, we see Zoe in a car touring Paris as she came from New York. She entered a bakery to get something for her family (A.K.A Audrey) Marinette entered, and slipped on the floor, but Zoe being who she is, clever perfectionist, nimble, quick blah blah blah, whatever the directors want to show us, caught Marinette in a blink of an eye.
In irl, I think if somebody did slip, in front of me, I’d be too shocked to react in seconds. I’d be gaping, mouth open, too shocked to catch anyone.
Ahh, well, Marinette then talked to her a little, learnt how she only had one friend, made some of us feel pity for her (eh, Thomas). So, NOW THE NEXT PART REALLY GETS ME! Marinette didn’t know who this unknown Zoe girl was (could be a thief, murderer, kidnapper idk) yet she gave away her phone number, free pastries, and invited her to HER FRIEND’S CONCERT! OMG you dumass, you don’t just give away these things to unknown people!
Well, still, moving on, zoe went back to the car, and to the bourgeois hotel. She gave away the pastries to the driver saying her family preferred sour from sweet, meaning they were not exactly caring. Just showing what a bad mother Audrey is, Zoe, like Chloe tried to act all snobbish and mean to get her mother’s attention.
To keep it short, Zoe met Chloe and they had a very meaningful conversation. But the thing that bugged me the most was that what Chloe said. 'Your father exists only to do whatever you want, whenever you want.'
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Huh? Forgot this, in origins pt.2? This shows that chloe actually loves her father.
Also, Chloe was shown locking Sabrina in a locker, and forcing her to do her homework.
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......
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So how do u explain this?☝️
Chloe cares about Sabrina. Thomas really ruined Chloe's character her smh, in sole crusher.
Anyways, Chloe took Zoe to the school in a limousine, with Sabrina running behind them!
BrUh, thomas? R u serious? This is a kids show, no? You are supposed to show how to be considerate, not treating ur friend as slaves!
After some more uneccessary chloe-being-cruel moment, Chloe introduces everyone to Zoe.
She says, that Zoe needs a guy to pamper, who is preferably rich....wow, Thomas you already destroyed Adrien's friendship with Chloe, what more do u want?
When Zoe pretended to hate Marinette's macaroons, Sabrina started idiolizing her immediately. SABRINA ALSO NEEDS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!!!
Obviously, Chloe 'tried' to teach Zoe some mean habits, and Marinette was confused about the way she acted so differently at school.
Being Marinette, she texted Zoe about the the confusion, and obviously blamed Chloe. When Chloe found out that her sister was texting her arch-enemy Marinette, she became furious.
Zoe lied and said that she was planning to humiliate Marinette. One of the worst things about Zoe is that she tries to change her nature just to meet up the needs for others. Chloe only does that to impress her mother.
Zoe went up the blacony, and was met by Andre, Chloe's father, who tried to console her, by telling her his own dream. Ok, listen up, how come Andre is only nice to his step-daughter, in a fatherly way??? And treats Chloe like a spoilt queen?? What kind of a father u r, even though u know that's wrong? Ugh
Anyways, the part where Andre wanted to be a film director was pretty cool. Again, we get some background history about the character. And yes, he listened to Audrey, about being rich, not a film director, blah blah blah, showing again how bad of a wife Audrey is.
Then, we discovered that Zoe wanted to be an actress for no good reason, and yest, admittedly she is pretty good a hiding her emotions and 'acting'.
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This is how Andre tried to cheer up Zoe, but obviously made the situation worse, as she only thought about the way Chloe, treated her, and not her mother. So yeah, She only has a grudge against Chloe, again showing how horrible and cruel Chloe could be, right?
Just because Chloe said, 'You either step on other people, or I step on you!' This is so out-of-character for, Chloe. She would never say that, I reckon this much.
And there we go, Zoe reluctantly wears the diamond shoes, and becomes akumatized by shadow moth.
So, her power was touching other people with her shoes, and she became bigger.
Sole crusher, found Chloe in her room taking selfies of herself, to shoe how vain she was and how much she admired herself. Ummm..when did Chloe have an obsession with taking her photos? Except maybe in the episode where Marc was akumatized.
Chloe caught a glimpse of Sole Crusher, on her mobile's photo.
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She said, 'How come you are using my image without my authorization?' Old Chloe loved to be idolized, so out-of-character.
So, when Chole discovered that it was Zoe, she began running like she was in a marathon, which was again out of character, as she wouldn't run, it'd be too much of work for her.
I think the running was just to show how bad of a character Chloe was, as she pushed Marinette's parents and Marinette herself towards Zoe, to show how cruel, evil and selfish she really is.
Another thing, I think that the kwamis shouldn't be allowed outside the box very long, as someone might catch them, like Chloe almost did.
So, the reason Sole crusher didn't step on Marinette, was because Marinette is the main character of the show, and she just can't be in a dangerous situation (Thomas logic). It'd made a great plot if Marinette was crushed by sole crusher. It would keep the viewers on their toes.
Eh, well, To make look Chloe worse, they made her run further, and order Zoe to literally step on the 'losers'. AKA rest of Marinette's classmates. (Do students really meet each other like this irl?)
So Marinette discovered that Zoe was Sole crusher, and gave some advice.
Marinette: That's not true, you don't need to crush on anyone. The 'winner' and 'loser' thing doesn't exist. It's just people, each one with your differences and unique features. (after Chat Noir interrupted) Zoe, no one will judge you here. You can be yourself! You can trip, you can fall, there's always going to be someone to help you stand up. I will always support you!
Shadow moth manipulated Zoe again, So Chat Noir tripped sole crusher giving Marinette the chance to run away and transform in a place that no one can see (totally). Since Tikki followed Marinette, and Kaalki alerted Adrien about the akuma, they both were able to transform.
Since I am no good at writing battle scenes, I'll tell the main points. Ladybug used her lucky charm, and got a shoe horn. So basically, Chat Noir and ladybug both destroyed the heels of Zoe's shoes, but the akuma didn't come out. Chloe insulted sole crusher, and got crushed.
Chloe : Look at how you're treating ur very expensive shoes! Go back to wearing you hideous and plain sneakers.
So ladybug figured out that the Akuma must be in those sneakers Chloe mentioned.
So the team tried to find out those sneakers in Chloe's house. Ladybug saw Sabrina in the closet, yet asked her about the sneakers, and ignored her. Wow, shoe some empathy ladybug, or even Chat Noir!
They saw Andre, and he told them where the Akuma went. So basically Andre showed them the box, and was so scared of Audrey, that her had hid those directories a secret from her. Since that box was not opening, ladybug used her shoehorn to open that box thingy. Long story short, ladybug repaired everything, and gave Zoe the lucky charm, and left.
Skip to the noon, where Zoe went to the concert she was invited in, and Chloe still believed Zoe's lame story about humiliating Marinette, and was super pissed off when Zoe ate the macaroons.
So yeah, Zoe apologized about her akumatizatidon, and told her 'tragic' backstory. She didn't want to disappoint her family's expectation, so she pretended to be mean.
In her boarding school, she was being bullied, and pretended to be someone she was not.
And since er...the miraculous fandom characters are so 'different' and tried to be nice to her, which was pretty cool of them....
Chloe demanded that Zoe leave for New York, but Andre was pretty cool about it, and made a lame yet nice excuse for her, to be enrolled in anther boarding school. So she had a different room. Obviously, the creators showed how err..awesome Zoe is as she said to Andre, 'Promise me that you are not going to give up on your dreams for too long.' But Andre's dream was very irrelevant, as nothing of that sort was mentioned after that.
Zoe's new found friends helped her become a better person, and there were some ending pics of her.
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Zoe's message to Marinette was pretty cheesy ngl. But if only Zoe was introduced as a character who didn't out smart her sister, I would honestly love her so much!
(If my dumb shit post doesn't get famous, I will quit. I literally worked so hard for this post, and also had to rewrite it multiple times)
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rev-1832 · 3 years
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please for the love of all fuck explain mcyt to me
Omg I've been waiting for this
So mcyt means minecraft youtube, but usually also includes Twitch streamers. It's like a in general thing, and not pointing to anything specific
But since you sound so confused, I'm gonna explain to you the Dream SMP lore 'cause why not
TL;DR: Chaos and war, basically also like a hamilton, heathers, and les mis crossover (but i mean if you want to understand everything you should read.)
If theres spelling mistakes, sorry
Note: Everyone on the smp has three canon lives, and when you loose all three you're canonically dead (except philza minecraft. he has one canon life bc hes known as the hardcore guy bc he had a minecraft hardcore series for 6 years until he was killed by a spider while trying to fight a baby zombie lmaoooooo)
IMPORTANT: THIS IS ALL RP. IRL THEY’RE ALL FRIENDS. THERES A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE PLAYER AND THE CHARACTER. THE RELATIONSHIPS AREN’T ACTUALLY TOGETHER IRL. ITS ALL THEIR CHARACTERS THAT THEY MADE UP. (obviously the best friends stuff are irl)
In the beginning there were 8: The Dream Team (Dream, Georgenotfound [the guy in my pfp btw :)] , Sapnap), Badboyhalo, Awesamdude, Ponk, Callahan, and Alyssa. Around this time, nothing much happened since it was all brand new, uhh yeah (this was around may-july of this year)
Then around late july new members joined: Tommyinnit, Tubbo, Wilbur Soot, Eret, Skeppy, Fundy, Punz, Purpled, and Schlatt. This part is very important to the lore, because the lore kinda started off with the british (so tommy, tubbo, wilbur, eret) Schlatt was banned, cause Sapnap was the one who invited him and Dream didn't know who he was. He'll come up later.
So Wilbur and Tommy decided to create a new nation called "L'Manberg". Also around this time (i think) Nihachu and Jack Manifold joined. They also were part of L'Manberg. There was this huge revolution between Dream Smp and L'Manberg. Very historical period on this smp. In the end, (i think it was?) L'Manberg who won (if memory serves).
After that, L'Manberg had started growing bigger, with a lot more buildings added and stuff, notably Church Prime, which where they created a religion for Twitch Prime, which is how you can sub to your favorite twitch streamer for free if you link your amazon prime account. I'm pretty sure around this time, Quackity, Karl Jacobs (if you watch Mr. Beast; yes, that karl jacobs), HBomb, Technoblade, and Antfrost joined. And then the railway war started. It happened when Tommy accidentally ran over Dream with a Minecart and then took his stuff. This is how the disc war started (once again, if memory serves). The two discs Tommy owns are his prized possesions, and Dream took them. Also around this time the Pet War started, with Sapnap killing someones(i forgot oops) pet. And then more pet killing. Annnnd then even more.
Then there was the L'Manberg eletion. There was POG2020, who was Wilbur and Tommy, SWAG2020, Quackity and George, Coconut2020, Fundy and Nihachu, and Schlatt2020 which was Schlatt. Oh yeah and he got unbanned btw
SWAG2020 and Schlatt2020 decided to combine their votes, thus Shclatt became president and Quackity his vp. Oh and ever since the election Quackity has this grudge against George bc he slept through the election. Schlatt renamed L'Manberg to Manberg, and exiled Tommy and Wilbur from it.
Schlatt is a evil dictator who likes power. He and Quackity started fighting, and so Quackity became part of Tommy and Wilbur's side. Around this time was The Battle of the Lake and The Burning Eiffel Tower, both part of the pet war. (It seems like a innocent war but its actually brutal lmao) Also (irl) Mr. Beast had a $10,000 Taco Bell gift card hunt. Eret won. It was at the cords 6969,420, because haha funny number haha weed number. This has nothing to do with the lore but yeah. Eret also became King of the SMP 
Then there was the Manberg festival. It was to celebrate democracy, but Tubbo puts it as "i decorated my own execution" bc he helped decorate it, but he was murdered there. At the festival was the Manberg Massicare, where Technoblade was forced to shoot tubbo, but he released a firework rocket kiling Tubbo, Schlatt, Quackity, and a few others. Many people lost one of their canon lives. Wilbur went all J.D like and planted 11 stacks of TNT underneath Manberg, and wanted to blow it up.
Pogtopia was formed, which is a ravine which i think is underneath? manberg? Which included basically everybody who wasn't neutral or with schlatt. On November 16 was the Manberg VS Pogtopia war, but the Badlands were also there. The Badlands is a nation of four people: Bbh, Skeppy, Awesamdude, and Antfrost. They faught with the loosing side, so the chaos could continue. Eret disobeyed Dream and got stripped of his royalty, and gave it to George. Oh and during this time, George had no idea there was a war and was building a cottagecore mushroom house with callahan and was very confused with all the death messages in the chat. Schlatt died canonically of a heart attack or stroke (no one knows tbh). Tommy became president, passed it to wilbur bc he still has unfinished buissness with dream (the discs), and wilbur passed it to Tubbo, who made Tommy his vp. Technoblade then argued about how government is bad, and they're just repeating history. Philza Minecraft joined the server, but no one could find him, until Wilbur blew up L'Manberg (they rechanged the name also). Wilbur then made Philza kill him, so Wilbur also became canonically dead. Then Techno, still mad at L'Manberg and governments, summoned two withers and made it attack the others. The Geogre decided to check out what was happening and helped fight. After the chaos, Captain Puffy and ConnorEatsPants joined the smp. About one to two weeks later Vikkstar and LazarBeam joined, then about three months after that Ranboo joined.
They rebuilt L'Manberg on stilts, and there water where the explosion was, but now with coral and stuff to make it all pretty. Tommy and Ranboo decided to go steal from Georges mushroom house, but then also griefed it and burnt it, and Dream, being a George simp, built obsidian walls around L'Manberg. They took Tommy to court, and was put on probation. Then Tommy got exiled (again) but this time by his own best friend. This made Quackity vp and Fundy secutary of state. Dream also took Georges king thing and gave it back to Eret because Eret has a good relationship with everybody, whereas George being King just caused chaos cause hes close to Dream. Quackity and Karl made Mexican L'Manberg, and George and Sapnap joined in also. War against Dream SMP, it was a negotiation and it got renamed into El Rapids (reference to Chilling in Cedar Rapids, which Hilary Clinton once said, and Quackity referenced it, got it trending #1 one twitter (well i mean dsmp gets things trending like everyday but), and got DONALD TRUMP TO SUBTWEET HIM. (This happened irl)
In his exile, Ghostbur (wilbur as ghost) and Tommy made Logstedshire, and Dream was often there to watch him. Dream then blew it up, and now Tommy is living with Techno in his arctic place. Currently, Quackity made a thing called The Butcher Army, so they could execute Techno. Tubbo, Quackity, Fundy, and I also think Ranboo? are trying to get another festival, and yes its a secret execution plan, but for them to kill Dream, who they realized is who they need to kill first. The disc war is still not over. Tommy has one of his discs, but Skeppy is in possesion of the other one.
Unluckily for Tommy (reguarding the discs), something happened in the Badlands. Bbh was digging out his underground statue room (he plans to make a statue of everyone of the server) and found this crimson egg. He, Antfrost, and Captain Puffy kinda got possesed. Also since Skeppy didn't really hang out on the server at night, but bbh does (OF FUCK I FORGOT TO MENTION HE AND BBH ARE BEST FRIENDS) Captain Puffy created Discount Skeppy, which is her in a Skeppy skin. Skeppy found out, had a little conflict with her during her stream, but it was resolved, and at one point in the stream, he asked bbh to choose between him and the egg, and when bbh didn't answer, he went to the egg, put himself inside it, and logged off. Couple days later, bbh and puffy got him out, hes now possed by the crimson, called Technoblade his "best friend" infront of bbh, and is now living in a grass hut. Bad is convinced theres still some skeppt left, but yeah. Skeppy also wanted to burn the disc.
End of lore for now, bc its like if you miss ONE STREAM YOU MISS LIKE A REALLY IMPORTANT EVENT AND ITS STRESSFUL
Not much part of lore but Nihachu and Captain Puffy once went on a date. They’re both bi irl and Puffy was on Nihachu’s Love or Host (twitch dating show. its really entertaining) Captain Puffy was a contestant, and chose love. (LoH is also how Nihachu and Wilbur met.) 
Funfact: Theres 5 irl lgbtq+ ppl on the server (people who came out, anyways cause you never know, ya know?) Antfrost is gay, Eret, Nihachu, Captain Puffy are all bi, and Karl Jacobs is ace spec 
Family stuff: Philza Minecraft (he'll come up later) had two twins with a Samsung Smart Refrigerator in the 70's. The two twins being Wilbur and Technoblade (he'll come up later also) and also had another son, Tommy. They also adopted Tubbo, who they found in a box on the side of the road. When he grew up, Wilbur met Sally the Salmon, and they had a fox together (dont ask just go with it), which was Fundy. (The character) Fundy is trans, and yeah . Bbh is a dad to sapnap and yeah
Oh and a new member is coming on today on Quackity’s stream (twitch.tv/quackityhq at 5pm CST if you want to watch) 
I left out some parts, sorry, but theres always the wiki...
Wilbur Soot is also a musician! He wrote I’m In Love With an Egirl, The Internet Ruined Me, and Your New Boyfriend. (did you know the last one beat taylor swift for #1 trending on youtube? idk why but im really proud of him for that) They’re all catJam’s. Go listen!
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fearfearer · 4 years
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more thoughts about the magnus archives as i reread the transcripts
i was thinking about how gertrude robinson was really an extraordinary person (not extraordinarily Morally Sound, but extraordinary) just because of who she was, whereas the only extraordinary things about jonathan sims are things that have been arranged for him (i.e. his role). i don't mean this as a diss for jonathan, as i'm not extraordinary either. it's just striking that gertrude was so driven and confident compared to jon. of course, now we know that basically everything she did was in the pursuit of a moot goal (i.e. killing people in order to stop rituals that were already doomed to fail) so maybe my point is somewhat moot as well.
i've been doing some rereading of episodes on my phone (i.e. away from this text document on my computer) and i'll have a realization like "right, i should note that down when i get back to my computer" and i have forgotten all of them now that i am back at my computer. suffice it to say there are quite a few things i misheard/misunderstood on the first listen, unsurprisingly.
reading through the first 20 or so episodes i'm surprised by how well i remember each of them, considering i was listening like 4 episodes a day when i started. then again, it was only a month or two ago that i even listened to them, so one should hope my memory is at least this good. anyway the first episode i'm re-listening instead of rereading is 22 bc that's the first one where we hear martin's voice, i'm pretty sure
i've also noticed some errors in the official transcripts, which aren't a big deal because obviously what matters most is the audio, but still... some of them have been simple typos. magnus archives hire me as your official transcriptionist and i'll make all your transcripts 100% error-free bc im smatr
(reading through the rest of the transcripts and my standards went way down in terms of grammar/stylistic consistency, as most of the later ones are fan transcripts by several different people. i found quite a few mistakes, but obviously i have no particular way to help fix them short of sending an email to the tma transcripts fansite person like “hey there’s all these mistakes. upload my good version instead?” bc i’m not that much of a dick)
the whole reason martin went to the spider guy's building was because he didn't want jon to be disappointed in him for not doing Due Diligence. he says so twice. then he went back for the same reason. it seems the fandom joke is "jon asks his assistants to do crimes for him" but in this case martin is like "oh no maybe i didn't do enough crimes to satisfy jon"
jon was doing his archivist voice HEAVILY in season 1, huh?
tim's first appearance is so jovial compared to how he ends up...
if this boat lady is speaking spanish in brazil, then it doesn't matter if it was "bad spanish" or not. anyway now i understand why we already knew peter lukas was serving the lonely by the time jon mentioned offhand that peter lukas was serving the lonely. it was my whole “let’s not bother noting down any FREQUENTLY RECURRING names”
well i guess robert smirke was a real person. should i feel dumb about this? idk. it’s such a fictional-sounding name, to be fair. but i guess that set the precedent of using a real person as an important historical figure in the fiction that we see happening again when edmund halley is referenced later on. also episode 35 has foreshadowing for the separation of 14 powers, and people thought it was 13 because they mention 13 halls PLUS the one they came through.
totally forgot about tim goofing around in episode 39... he was really not having the worst time at this job before bad things started happening and he realized he was trapped, huh
the worms were trying to make a doorway into the Worm Wealm
ep 40 jon's like "I need to hear it. I need to record it. Or else I can't finish." (lightly abridged)
listening to the season 1 Q&A for the first time and EARL BIGMAC
also good to know there's only going to be 5 seasons. very good to know. this seems like a good kind of series to write with a fixed endpoint in mind, as it's very easy to do an episode that has effectively no bearing on the MetaPlot but which is still a short story in itself and therefore doesn't count as "filler"
jonathan sims performs with a mythical space pirate music cabaret. so he IS a ham
jonny says, "no rude words. i could say bums, maybe..." (alexander j newall does a laugh while i do the exact same laugh irl) "...but i won't."
some dumbass writing into the Q&A to ask if the background music is diegetic... get a podcast brain, ya fool. though for my part, i have to say that one of the most striking things about this podcast when i first started listening (though i never made a note of it before) was the Too Spooky Music, and i didn't like it at all. the reason was that i am, and have been, vulnerable to Getting Spooked about irrational things at night, such that it becomes really hard to fall asleep... and one of the things that has an outsize effect on my level of Spookédness is spooky audio. so if i was watching a video at night and i was worried it would Get Me Spooked, i would just turn the sound off, and it would turn out fine. but obviously you can't turn the sound off on a podcast. and i've been listening to podcasts after work, i.e. after 5pm, and i go to bed at like 8 or 9pm because i'm old. so the way it turned out was that even if the actual subject of the podcast wasn't that scary to me, the music would amplify it in an unpleasant way and make me more likely to have trouble sleeping. also i think most of the episodes would have been fine without the music, or maybe with some less intentionally-disconcerting background music.
this just in: i seem to have totally missed episode 50 on my first listen-through, despite having gone in linear order. bc i'm listening to it now and i've definitely never heard this before. fortunately it doesn't seem to have much of a bearing on the rest of the series, so it's not like i missed any crucial information. tbh the only worthwhile bit was a brief moment of tim being a ham, which was good. i hope i didn't miss any other episodes the first time... still don't know how i managed to miss this one.
the official transcript said [EXTENDED SOUNDS OF BRUTAL PIPE MURDER] ...
so gertrude and leitner WERE played by jonny's parents <:3c i'd thought as much when i saw the cast names but i like that it's confirmed. his mom is a really good actress too. i always find the gertrude episodes to be striking in a certain way
"it's Fine working with your parents. it's Fine." as someone who worked with my mom for like a year i can confirm this
i'm tickled to find that the official transcripts have a sense of humor. i wonder who is behind them. i also wonder, what is the excuse for not having a full set of official transcripts when it is a script-based show? surely you know what is going to be said beforehand, and you have it written down, and if someone ends up saying something different in the final recording, surely it wouldn’t be too hard to give the original script a little edit, and bam! that’s a transcript. i wonder if this approach is not feasible for some reason.
whenever martin reads statements, he says something about jon... whenever he talks to someone, he says something about jon
i think episode 110 is an instance of the tape recorder turning ITSELF off... at the end of the episode. because they walk away, and they say something distantly, and then it turns off. lots of other times, there had to be a diegetic reason for the tape recorder to turn off at the end.
i noticed something which i missed last time, which was that there is a rumor between melanie and georgie and basira that implies that jonathan is asexual. worth noting, i think. [side note added in later: yeah it’s canon. cool]
also i listened to episode 103 again and yes. i had thought-- i had been SURE-- that the person interrogating the traffic cop (using the asky ability) was martin. but it was actually jon. how did i possibly manage that mistake? i'm not great at distinguishing voices, but i'm not THAT bad. the only possible answer: when i was listening to the episode for the first time... i must have been eating a crunchy snack.
"it doesn't have to make sense! alex has to make it sense." (jonny sims re: writing the spiral)
glad to know that jonny sims regrets using his own name for the protagonist. doesn't make a difference either way at this point but yeah
YES i knew episode 100 was improvised. and i see, all the statementers had actually had supernatural experiences, but because the archivist was absent, their statements didn't have the coherence and clarity normally lent to them by the eye (in exchange for becoming cursed). i think melanie or basira actually said pretty much that in the episode itself, but i still couldn't be sure that all of those people had something real to talk about.
"in the same way that tim is dead, michael is helen." good shit
the archivist is canon a bit of a drama queen. the first bullet point in my first tma notes document is vindicated
jonny sims mentions another podcast (apocrypals) that sounds 100% up my alley, so that is appreciated, i will add that to my list i think. (listened to episodes 0 and 1 of apocrypals and i'm heavily struck by how VERY clearly i can hear the smiles in chris sims's voice. i did not know smiling could be so audible, truly.) (listened to quite a few more episodes of apocrypals and it’s certainly entertaining at times. i should’ve been reading along though. maybe some other time)
I DIDN'T LISTEN TO THE SEASON 4 TEASER THE FIRST TIME AROUND.........................................
i must confess something that people who know me well may already know: i hate when stories have a bad ending. an unhappy ending. a painful ending. a hopeless ending. bittersweet is the furthest in that direction i can tolerate. my perspective, which is pretty deep-seated, is that there's no point in getting to know and love characters if you're only going to be hurt by that connection to them when the end turns out to be bad. if i have even a mild inkling that a story is heading toward a bad ending, i make a conscious effort to regard all characters from afar and not develop any strong attachments. this is not so much "how i think all stories need to be," but rather, "the characteristics a story needs to have to appeal to me personally." so i understand that my view is very subjective and mostly based on my own mental weakness. but i can't help but apply it to the media i consume. and the idea that someone would do something like "make characters very human and strongly developed" IN COMBINATION WITH "heading toward a bad end" makes me upset. like, picture a horror movie. think about the characters in a horror movie. with the exception of a main character, if there is one, there's no guarantee that anyone is going to survive to the end of the film... BUT... the characters generally aren't fleshed out and very sympathetic. i wouldn't go so far as to say they're disposable, but you're not SUPPOSED to cry when they die; you're just supposed to get scared. their purpose is as objects of fear, and you never expect or even hope for a happy ending. but in the magnus archives... all i'm saying... is that i would cry if any of the remaining members of the main cast died. and it seems clear that we're not heading to a happy ending. so i'm somewhat afraid, and not in a good way. i don't know how much i can trust jonny sims to give me the story i want, and obviously, i'm not entitled to it.
if your name is jonathan and you want to shorten it, the short form is jon. it ain't john, no matter what the official transcripts say. where'd you get that h, huh? stole it from someone else's name? are you shortening it like JOnatHaN? you can’t just be that sneaky!
i listened to scrutiny again and it hits so hard. now, in heart of darkness, when manuela begs jon not to force her statement, it's really heavy given the direct context of the previous two episodes where we see how compulsion works and how it hurts.
also when jon was talking about how to destroy the dark sun and he was like "i just need to see it," when i first heard it, i assumed he meant something along the lines of, "by seeing it, i will learn how to destroy it." but now i understand that the mere act of the eye seeing it destroys it, because being known is what the darkness is weakest to.
the magnus employees who work in the library probably at least have a LITTLE BIT of a feeling that they work in an almost normal place, given that jon and all his assistants were able to have that impression before transferring to the archives. so i wonder how the magnus library people feel about their institute's director getting arrested for double murder and now the big boss is a completely unrelated ship captain who seems to want nothing to do with the place but simultaneously is trying to continue business as usual
on second listen, listening to jon ask helen when the guilt stops (wrt hurting people in order to feed one's patron fear) is pretty chilling. because it seems like he's definitely accepting that he will have to hurt people, and what he's concerned about is how bad it makes HIM feel. of course, helen then answers with precisely what i just wrote, so...
i should've read the transcript for episode 159 instead of relistening because i forgot that peter lukas's actor got so gravelly and hard to listen to in this one. anyway, time to re-listen to the season 4 finale... then i'll listen to the season 4 Q&As and stuff... and then the new episode. (DOKI DOKI DOKI DOKI DOKI)
i heard in the Q&A that the voice of peter lukas did multiple takes for episode 159?! but it was because of technical difficulties. right. because i can’t imagine the way it turned out being deemed the best take. sorry
ok, things i missed last time i listened to 160: daisy and the other two hunters are missing. also jon mentioned "magnus's body" and martin mentioned "an old man's corpse" and at the time i took this to mean (somewhat unthinkingly) that when jon and martin returned from the lonely, they killed elias/jonah's body. which would be a weird thing to happen "off-camera," so to speak. so i think i must have been wrong? slightly confused. ok, no, i'm now sure that elias survived, so i must have misunderstood. definitely alive.
as martin leaves and jon is about to begin the statement, he sounds so peaceful and satisfied. that's good acting.
by the way, in one of the previous few episodes, i noticed that jonah seems to have body-swapped by switching out his eyes into his preferred body, which i'm pretty sure i missed the first time.
i like that jonny sims checks reddit to see whether people have solved the mystery. that's just a really funny way to do things, sneaking a peek like "hmm how mysterious is my mystery? let's see who has figured it out..." and for the record, i wasn't even close to figuring it out. but to be fair to myself, i didn't try. like i said from the beginning, i started listening with the intent of going along for the ride. plus the mystery had already been solved before i started listening to the series, so it's not like i had a lot of time in between updates to contemplate whether elias was jonah, etc.
JON'S AMERICAN ACCENT FOR THE IONIZED YEAST AD
ALEX WAS THE VOICE OF JARED HOPWORTH?! i mean it was so messed up it could have been anybody but god
ALEX DIDN'T LET GERTUDE CACKLE
i've listened to the bloopers (including a gertrude cackle?) and the season 5 trailer (martin seems slightly cavalier about the end of the world but maybe he's just trying to keep his shit together for jon) and i'm going to listen to the new episode Soon.
final conclusion on rereads/relistens: i had pretty poor comprehension of some important happenings. i’m realizing just how easy it is to mishear/fail to hear exactly what is happening in a podcast when you’re doing other stuff at the same time. there are still a couple things i don’t quite understand, but i think i’ll have a look around the wiki one of these days.
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haich-slash-cee · 4 years
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Being Human (UK)
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This is a show that I recommend to people... but I add a lot of caveats.
The recommendation: A werewolf, vampire and ghost are flatmates. This show is hilarious! So much macabre and slice of life humor! And horror and whump!? Also, the show was run by a side-channel of BBC (BBC3) and I guess they had no production money, so the actors mostly look human and they just refer to each other as being a 500-year old vampire or ghost or whatever. Which makes it even better. The werewolf is Jewish, recites a Jewish prayer at least once, and hangs out watching “The Real Hustle” with the vampire. They work in a hospital as janitors. The ghost has a habit of making everyone tea to soothe herself and the flat is cluttered with tea mugs everywhere all the time. Also, people do get fang-y or wolf-y or do weird poltergeist stuff. And gore happens.
Longish post, more below the cut.
PS, this is the 2008-2013 UK version of Being Human, which I hear had a cult following. There’s certainly stuff on Tumblr. I found the BBC version through the US remake of Being Human, but I’m much more charmed by the BBC version. (The US version has the vampire and werewolf as hospital doctors? Why?) Also I watched the show maybe 4, 5 years ago, so impressions are from that.
And the caveats: There’s a lot of sexism which was hard to watch. It’s engrained in the premise and plot and occasional gross sexist jokes. And there’s other problematic stuff in the writing. It’s like having glass shards show up the meal you are enjoying, and it’s why I’m not sure I’ll rewatch the series (or not in it’s entirety, anyway). There’s also a limited spinoff web series called Becoming Human which also had some problems for me, including some gross sexism and fatphobia. (John Boyega from Star Wars does show up as a character in that series, for anyone interested.)
Back to Being Human and overall series recommendations. So the 1st season was good. I kind of forgot what happened in the 2nd and 3rd season (I think they got depressing and slow?). The 4th season picked up again, much to my surprise, and I remember liking the 4th and 5th season a lot. Even though [spoilers] there was a complete cast change by this time. But it worked, somehow. The show did go from at least having one woman of color to having an all-white cast at the end, which was not great. And there’s other racism too.
For people who like their happily-ever-after: uhhh so I vaguely recall that a lot of characters don’t really get a happy ending. Granted, half of them are walking around dead already, so...? Overall, the ending of the 5th season is... Is that a happy ever after? Happy for now? The Bonus on the DVD kind of makes it a happy-for-now with a continued possibility? It’s an acceptable HFN?
.....And now, the notes for all the hurt/comfort people and whumpers:
Holy crap people, there is SO much h/c and whump!?
OK first -- George the werewolf. George’s transformation sequence, SUPER whumpy.
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Also, George ends up naked often, come to think. And he screams a lot during the show, for various reasons. The actor himself, in the bonus DVD interviews I think, cheerfully says something like, “People really like the way George screams, I do too.” (This is like when David Tennant cheerfully talked about how he enjoys playing a character who is unconscious and sick and gets fussed over by people.) And George is a very sympathetic, nerdy character who is easy to feel for. Who occasionally turns into a SNARLY SCARY WEREWOLF AGAINST HIS WILL. As mentioned, I think I liked season 1 George more than seasons 2 or 3.
Emotional hurt/comfort -- so Annie the Ghost provides a lot of the emotional centering, as I recall. Throughout all 5 seasons, all the characters lean on each other for support and there’s a lot of lovely warm fuzzies from that. Also, one of the later werewolf characters, Tom, is generally a sweet kid. I’m glad they didn’t do too much of the transformation horror with him, honestly. George/Russel Tovey could carry that, but I thought Tom’s strong point was looking puppy-eyed and folorn-eyebrow’d and trying to navigate the world with a mix of naivety and half-feral-ness.
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Above: exhausted naps on the couch.
Below: Classic Being Human humor. A review of house rules and vampire stabbing etiquette, between Annie and Tom --
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[Spoilers from here on] Okay, so as mentioned, the cast changed over between season 4-5. And to my surprise, I think I loved the new trio as much as, or more than, the original trio. I liked how loud Alex the ghost was. And I liked both Annie and Alex.
Also, I did not expect this either, but I got so interested in Hal! Yo! First of all, Hal is a centuries-old Vampire and speaks/looks like, idk, a Regency Character. And then 19-yr old Tom puts Hal to work at a fast food shop and bosses him around, and Hal’s indignation is hilarious. So already, this is excellent.
And somehow, Hal is very, very whumpy? So: the character of a “vampire who is trying to be good and suffers” is not new, and I’ve encountered versions where I haven’t been interested. (I was lukewarm about Mitchell, the original vampire in the show.) But for whatever reason, I really dug Hal. Maybe, for me, Hal was just the right mix of very serious and earnest but also ridiculous and tragic all at once. (I read some interviews with the actor Damien Molony, who mentioned how he’d done a lot of history and addiction research in to prep for the role. The new trio actors also had a lot of chemistry and fun on sets, it sounds like. So I might be picking up all that.)
Also, Hal is actually two characters -- the ridiculous indignant serious Good Hal who is desperately trying to keep the horrible, rude, murderous, Bad Hal from taking over. But, as one of the show producers, a woman, cheerfully commented in the DVD extras: “And then Bad Hal shows up, which is great, everyone likes a bit of Bad Hal”. 
Honestly, why do we even pretend to hide our fascination with the macabre and the whump, when showrunners and actors are cheerfully not hiding it all.
Here’s clips of Good Hal in Season 4:
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Oh, I forgot about this part until I rewatched the last clip -- but at the end of season 4, Hal asks his flatmates to forcibly bind him to a chair, because he’s trying to fight off Bad Hal. Based on my perusing of the whump community, pretty sure that scenario is of interest to someone.
Also notable is the episode “No Care, All Responsibility” (Series 5 ep 3). In one scene in particular, where Natasha has offered Hal a way to control his bloodlust and there’s this mix of vulnerability and power with Hal asking Natasha to put a stake against his heart, I remember thinking -- “I bet a woman wrote this ep and I bet she knew exactly what she wanted”. And I was right, that woman is Sarah Dollard, a queer woman who has also written a lot of other things (including Doctor Who). She also wrote Being Human goofy web extra eps with Alex, Hal and Tom called “Alex’s Unfinished Business” and they are so good ! (Interview). 
Also... the opening 3-minute backstory in “No Care...” made me cry. You get a glimpse of the show’s baddie showing real care and emotion in rescuing this little kid (an important character). When this kind of scene is done well, it just gets me. every. time.
Anyway here’s an appearance of Bad Hal (much later), being completely awful, murdering people and turning them into vampires and singing Broadway tunes during this.
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Side note on Vampire narratives. Although Hal’s narrative arc of season 5 was interesting, and I’m aware this is show is urban fantasy, I still have qualms of the show enforcing IRL stigmas/ideas that addition is incurable and addicts are doomed. They’re not. (General overview on NIH page.) Addiction research is a growing field. From listening to NPR and reading articles, my impression is that addiction treatment will change quickly in the next few years. Related to the vampire blood addiction trope, Terry Pratchett covers vampires finding ways to be “dry” (one vampire, Maladict, swaps out blood addiction for coffee addiction) and you can find fanfics about the topic as well. (General link to Being Human Ao3 fanfics, why not.)
Side note on Hal’s dual characters -- recently, I did consider, “Is there overlap with Hal and portrayals of Dissociative Identity Disorder (MPD) folks?” IRL DID people have complained about movies with gross portrayals of people with DID. To me, Being Human’s Hal feels removed from that and closer to a fantasy.... but, I’m also not multi, so.
* Update: after having learned more about plural history, I’m even less sure now. (Note: my opinions are of someone who isn’t plural, as far as I know, so note that.) There’s a number of early problematic movies and books that hugely affected the popular narratives of plural people in the west, and still affect how therapists and non-plural people treat plural people even today. These include the movie “The Three Faces of Eve”, which has the narrative of “Good Eve, Bad Even, and later smushed together become ‘Fixed Eve’ or whatever”. There’s practically a whole lecture series on how the books/movies were made with sensationalism and formulas in mind and pretty gross things. Chris Costner Sizemore, the IRL Eve, had to fight the movie studios in court because the studios claimed they owned her life story. (There’s practically a whole lecture series on early plural history in the west, I might link more information later). Like, even today, multi people feel pressured to hide their plurality because they are afraid singlets or other people are gonna say “oh so which one of you is the ax murderer”, or that they are going to be fired from work. So.  
This post turned into a “Being Human seasons 4 + 5 Appreciation Post”. I guess Season 1 and 4, 5 were my favorite. I watched the show through library DVDs, but I think there’s eps of the show on YouTube. The DVD extras are probably on this YouTube playlist?
(Also, there is a pilot episode, with different actors except George/Russel Tovey. I don’t think one needs to watch the pilot to watch the main series; I kind of recall that the main series recycled some of the pilot. There is a funny scene in the pilot where George and Mitchell meet Annie.)
Being Human: a macabre, hilarious, horror-filled, flawed, sometimes dragging, emotional, whumpy, oddball show that I still think about sometimes.
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fae-fucker · 5 years
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Zenith: Chapter 29-32
I realize leaving y’all hanging for a whole year like that in the snark, where our beloved heroes Andi and Dex had just been shot in their empty little heads, was very cruel of me. You guys must’ve been just DYING to know what happened.
Quick recap: Andi & Co are space pirates. They are captured by Andi’s ex Dex and the father of Andi’s childhood friend, whom she “murdered” by landing a ship bad. He asks her to get his son, who is in a dank dark prison. Andi does the thing with the help of Dex and her ragtag bunch of generic archetypes. 
We good?
Let’s go.
Chapter 29
We interrupt the 100% totally real threat of Andi and Dex being shot to death to have another boring-ass moment with Nor. She walks around in an underground lab feeling sorry for herself and thinking about how tragic her backstory is. We’re introduced to a two-headed scientist who could’ve been interesting in the hands of actually talented authors, but who doesn’t appear in the book after this point so she’s wasted. For some reason she’s also referred to as one person when the heads are clearly different individuals? Irl when there are two heads sharing one body the heads are different people with different names. You know, because the person is stored in the brain? Idk why Shinsay did this.
“Slowly, you dolt!” the right head screeched to the left. 
The left head huffed in annoyance. “I’m merely trying to give our queen a glimpse of her new toy.” 
“It’s a wonder I’ve been able to put up with you all these years,” the right head retorted. 
“You haven’t a choice, my dear,” the left said back.
I think this is supposed to be funny, but all I can think if is how everyone’s dialogue sounds exactly the same. 
We find out that this is where Nor’s people are developing the titular Zenith (except it’s not named yet, spoilers), and Nor wants to know if they’ve made any progress.
The two-headed scientist, Aclisia, says that the weapon is ready and that they only need a test subject. Did they develop this mind-altering thing without any previous test subjects? I mean I guess it makes sense that they’d need somebody unaffected by previous versions to test out the final product, but like ... Did the previous subjects die? That doesn’t bode well. 
Anyway, the test subject they have is one of the guards on Lunamere, where Andi and Dex were in the previous chapters. Nor is displeased that the guard “let them go,” and I want you to remember this line:
“You had one of the Unified System’s most wanted fugitives in my prison. And instead of keeping her there, where she could have been persuaded to join the right side of the galaxy...you lost her. [...]”
File that away for future reference, my pretties. 
Anyway, we end the chapter without even finding out what the drug does, because Shinsay love breaking their own pace and suspense because they have to rely on cliffhangers to keep people reading. 
Chapter 30
Oh Christ oh God it’s our girl Klaren again. It’s year twenty-four and despite five years passing this woman is still all about how she’s destined to die and everything in her life is crap, which, idk, mood I guess?
Xen Ptera is losing the war and Klaren is sick because of all the poison air or whatever. The king wants her to hide because enemy troops are closing in, and Klaren takes another moment to think about how she wasn’t supposed to fall in love and yadda yadda. 
Who’s ready for another Smaasism?
She wished she could go back. She wished she could change that passionate night they had shared, the careless days after and the tonic she’d forgotten to take...
tOnIC
You’d think in advanced space times they’d have more reliable birth control. 
Also ... wouldn’t the king expect an heir anyway? Like, we’ve seen that even the title of “general” is inherited in this shitfest of a universe, so wouldn’t he eventually catch on and insist on having a kid? Or if she claimed she couldn’t produce one, surely there would be tech to get around that? Idk. For all the future-sight this bitch had, she sure didn’t have any common sense. 
Klaren tells the king to take Nor and fuck off, and Darai says something about how she’s the strongest Yielded and how she must fulfill her duty. 
Which apparently includes going into the battlefield, which is conveniently right outside the palace, and mind-control General Cortas into wanting to fuck her so bad he forgot she was his enemy. 
Her husband was wrong. 
Hope was not dead. 
Hope, in the form of the queen’s sacrifice, had only just flickered to life.
This is framed as tragic and beautiful but she is about to mind-rape a man for years soooo get ready for some extremely uncomfortable shit.
Chapter 31
We’re back in Andi’s POV, except it’s still a fucking flashback. This time it’s to when Andi was still Kalee’s Spectre and lived with Valen and the other dingdongs. And then we get actually good writing?
During meals, when Andi and the other Spectres stood guard, she’d watch him curiously. Valen usually sat in the farthest seat from his father, hunched forward as if he were battling some deep, silent pain. Sometimes she’d catch him staring at her with his strange, unblinking hazel eyes, his paint-stained fingers gripping his golden fork like a weapon he didn’t want to use.
Like I’m into this. It’s showing and not telling, mysterious and intriguing without being on the nose, and for once Andi doesn’t have all the cards and knows what Valen is inside and out, so his character doesn’t become obvious. Like, he’s battling some pain, but he’s also reluctant to use a weapon? That could mean anything! In a good way!
This good chunk is also immediately ruined by the following descriptions, which point out that indeed, all the other kids talk about Valen and how WEEEEYOOORDDD he is, and how he’s constantly covered in paint, because that’s what artists look like, I guess. Catch me bodyslamming a freshly painted park bench to prove I know color theory.
We’re also told that Valen never got a personal Spectre for spooooooky reasons. He just doesn’t feel like a proper part of the family, ya know? I wonder that it all could meeeeaaaaaan. 
This is all told to us just so we can revisit the part where Valen tries to stop Andi and Kalee from going on a joyride. Kalee insults him for a bit, and then Valen drops some more foreshadowy dialogue about how he hopes this birthday is everything Kalee wants it to be. 
Subtle. 
Chapter 32
OH MY GOD WE’RE IN LIRA’S POV NOW. YOU’RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE SHINSAY, WE KNOW YOU WOULDN’T MURDER YOUR PRECIOUS CELAENA AND RHYSAND RIPOFFS IN CHAPTER 29 WHEN THERE’S A BILLION MORE CHAPTERS LEFT.
Lira has been literally counting seconds since they left Andi. 
Yeah.
She recaps everything that happened three chapters ago, saying they executed their secret plan with the “ultimate amount of finesse” before noting that despite obeying Andi’s direct orders to run, she feels like a traitor. 
Your captain is in chains, a voice whispered in the back of her mind. You should be by her side. Instead, you’re running. 
All you ever do is run.
I have literally no idea how this is even a little bit relevant considering that they’re waiting for Andi and Dex to return and aren’t moving anywhere. By the way, Andi and Dex are thirty minutes late. Which freaks Lira out because THAT WASN’T IN THE PLAN. 
Her scales start freaking out and she’s about to overheat. Holy shit, how are you still alive? 
Honestly, this is a pretty accurate depiction of someone with an anxiety disorder, but I think we’re supposed to think Lira is emotional or analytical or loyal or whatever. I doubt Shinsay have the finesse required to write something like this on purpose, so this just reads as incompetence. 
Apparently Andi said that if they’re late, the girls are supposed to flee and save themselves, and Lira is starting to get antsy. 
Ok so ... just moments ago you were worried about how you’re always running away. So why is your first instinct when your beloved captain is THIRTY MINUTES LATE to book it? Like. Calm the fuck down. Thirty fucking minutes, in space? Can you chill??? 
Lira whines more about how this is the second time this week that she’s second-in-command and she hates it. Hey why not give that responsibility to Breck, who’s always calming everyone down? Would that make too much sense? 
Lira goes to her room to mope and angst about how she likes being alone. It’s riveting. She thinks about how this crew is her SOUL and how much she LOVES them. Which we can see by her sitting alone in her room thinking about how much she loves them, obviously.
She continues to angst about how her dad died of Space Plague, and her mom became a drunk because ... Idk, that’s what moms do in books like these. But lo, she and her brother got taken in by their Cool Aunt, who then wanted them to Do Things when they grew up, and Lira doesn’t want to Do Things, she wants to fly around and Crime. 
So she left her home planet because her Cool Aunt wanted her to Do Too Much Stuff, and the weight of her expectations crushed Lira, who must soar the skies like the beautiful bald blue bird she is. 
The other girls interrupt this godawful exposition dump by inviting Lira to play some Not!Pokémon. And we get this exchange, which I included in my review, and yes, it’s real:
“Hope is a raging asshole,” Gilly said. 
“Explain to me, Gilly,” Breck said with a sigh, “how exactly can an asshole rage?”
Lira choked on a sudden, unexpected laugh. “I swear, the two of you. You were both born with my brother’s sarcastic soul.”
This bloated and repetitive nonsense that apparently passes for character development is interrupted by Alfie, who’s gotten out of the waste bay. We’re reminded that this ship doesn’t have any mechanics, because of course, and Alfie makes a reference about how the ship’s AI’s voice is turning him on. 
It appears Lira has gotten a message from Soy to come and get Andi and Dex.
*sigh*
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Even numbers. Fuck you 💙
:’) 🖕💙
Under the cut… oh my god… lord give me strength… if any of y’all wanna get to know me… read this monster X’D
2. Are you outgoing or shy?
I think a bit of both?? I’m the type of person who’d willingly get lost in a strange city but also suddenly develop a stutter when I try to communicate with my fellow humans. :)
4. Are you easy to get along with?
lmao no.
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
Kind ones. Who can tolerate me.
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
An ex friend/abuser atm. :))))
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
What qualifies as deep?? I guess, my Dad?? Maybe??
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
Dodie Clark - Monster
Easy Life - Pockets
Lorde - Buzzcut Season
Zack Hemsey - The Way
Fits and the Tantrums - Roll Up
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
Yeah, I think so?
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
I kissed my Mum on the top of her head. So, yes. XD
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
That would be Jesse. So, yes. Hope he doesn’t find this blog yikes. X’D
20. Do you like your neighbors?
Yes on one side. No on the other side.
22. Where would you like to travel?
America firstly. Then all over the place to visit other friends. I promised my Mum I’d take her to San Francisco one day, so I gotta keep that promise.
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
PETS :DDDDD
26. What do you do when you wake up?
Try my best not to murder anyone while I get my cup of tea liquid life ready. XD Say hi to doggos and beep babies. Check to see if any of my friends need me urgently. Then eat toast.
28. Who are you most comfortable around?
My pets. My parents. My friends.
30. Do you ever want to get married?
I really don’t mind getting married or living in sin. XD It would depend entirely on what my partner wanted, I’d do whatever would make them happy.
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
No one. Guess you could say I’m demisexual.
34. Do you play sports? What sports?
Does horseback riding count?? I’ve dabbled in a bit of cricket. But my lungs don’t like intensive exercising, especially cardio stuff.
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
Story of my life, every single time. I’ve never told anyone I liked them. I’d rather die than make them feel bad or uncomfortable bc I know they don’t feel the same way.
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
At the moment all I can think of is my crush lmao. :’)
40. What do you want to do after high school?
Absolutely nothing bc I’m a dropout. XD Be a completely self-taught author, hopefully.
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
Online, I’m probably just really tired and don’t have the energy to be upbeat and/or talk to people. In real life, it’s nothing abnormal; I hate my voice so I don’t talk much and I like quiet. If I’m not using a bunch of emojis (you know how I normally do) when I’m talking, you know I’m either being super serious, or I’m pissed off, or both.
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
NEITHER YIKES I LIKE MY SOLID EARTH THANK U VERY MUCH
46. What are you paranoid about?
Being annoying.
48. Have you ever been drunk?
Nope. Not really planning on it, either. I’m kind of curious as to how I’d be, though. Like I have deep-rooted buried anger issues so I might be angry, but I’m also depressed so I might be a puddle of tears and sadness, BUT my personality is v energetic and happy so… who knows, dude. X’D
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
Blue and grey. It has “yo” on the hood. :D
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
Biologically male. please.
54. Favourite store?
?? don’t have one. 
56. Favourite colour?
Navy or a kind of dark aqua-navy kind of colour, like a bit of a green tinge as well? I’m also really fond of yellow too.
58. Last thing you ate?
LEFTOVER HAMBURGER AND IT WAS DELICIOUS I FORGOT HOW MUCH I LOVED HAMBURGERS!!!!!!1!!
60. Ever won a competition? For what?
Yeah, dog training competition with our German Shepherd when I was 11.
62. Been arrested? For what?
No yet lmao.
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
I’ll be sure to tell you about it when it happens. XD
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
I don’t have any irl friends so… HELL YEAH!!
68. Twitter or Tumblr?
Tumblr. Obviously.
70. Names of your bestfriends?
I could literally just list all my Tumblr friends here. I’ve learnt not to get specifically close to any one or two persons. So… all my beans!!! Love you!!
72. What colour are your towels?
Blue! :D I was forced to use the pink towels in the set when I was little and not out as trans so now I surround myself in all the gendered blue bullshit X’D
74. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
….. maaayyyybbbeee.
76. Favourite animal?
D O G
78:Chocolate or Vanilla?
Neither.
80. What colour shirt are you wearing?
It’s my very yellow button down!! :D
82. Favourite tv show?
S E N S E 8
84. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
Never seen either oops.
86. Favourite character from Mean Girls?
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
88. First person you talked to today?
Enna aka Cinnamonpuff aka steverogershield
90. Name a person you hate?
My brother, Mackenzie. :)
92. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
Anyone who mistreats animals.
94.How many sweatpants do you have?
I rarely wear anything but sweatpants, so I have 8. THEY’RE COMFY OKAY. And since it’s usually cold or hot here with no real warm in between, I’m either wearing shorts or sweatpants. It’s only in the rare in-between weather (like now) that I wear my jeans.
96. Last movie you watched?
Can’t remember. I watched the first season of Jessica Jones tho, so… show instead of movie. XD
98.Favourite actor?
TERRY CREWS
100. Have any pets?
YES!!! 3 dogs (one German Shepherd named Ria, a Whippet named Granger, and a mutt named Maude), 3 chickens (Haymitch the black one, Cinna the dark brown one, Effie the pale brown one) and 2 ducks (Peeta and Katniss.) THEY’RE MY BABIES AND I’D DIE FOR THEM!!! :’D
102. Do you type fast?
LMAO APPARENTLY I DO??? My Dad thinks I must type gibberish and makes me type out what he says because he doesn’t think I can type that fast. I only type with 2 fingers normally too. X’D
104. Can you spell well?
w e l l (idk. maybe.)
106. Ever been to a bonfire party?
Yup.
108. Have you ever been on a horse? 
Many times. I LOVE them SO MUCH.
110. Is something irritating you right now?
Yeah.
112. Do you have trust issues?
No. *insert canned audience laughter here* Yes, I do. Big time. Just bc I’m friendly doesn’t mean I trust anyone.
114. What was your childhood nickname?
Matt, actually!! :D
116. Do you play the Wii?
Used to, now I don’t have one anymore and it wasn’t my favourite console.
118.Do you like chicken noodle soup?
Y E S. GIMME!!!!!! :D
120.Favourite book?
Bird by Crystal Chan.
122.Are you mean?
I think I definitely can be very cutting when I lose my temper. But I haven’t done that in years now and I try very hard to be a good person. Luckily my first reaction is normally hurt, so by the time the anger kicks in I normally try and get out of the situation before I can say something harsh.
124.Can you keep white shoes clean?
NOPE. I can never keep anything clean, probably why I like dark colours so much. I literally do not own any white clothes anymore because they always get stained within a few hours of me wearing them asdfghjkl. 😅
126.Do you believe in true love?
Kind of. I believe that no relationship is ever perfect, but if people gel well and COMMUNICATE OFTEN AND HONESTLY the relationship can be amazing. I guess it’s its own kind of perfect relationship. I definitely think there’s people you get along brilliantly with, better than anyone else. There’s somebody in the world for everyone! :D
128.What makes you happy?
Animals. My friends. My OCs. :’)
130.What your zodiac sign?
Pisces!! I definitely think I’ve grown into it over time. X’D
132. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
??? depends on whether I like them back or not, obviously. If I do, I’ll probably scream for a solid week and then decide if I want to drag them into my mountain of bullshit with a relationship, or leave it be. If I don’t, let them down as gently as I can. Also I’m a raging bi, so gender wouldn’t matter. :P
134.Favourite lyrics right now?
My all-time favourite lyrics are from The Judge by Twenty one Pilots:
“When the leader of the bad guys sangSomething soft and soaked in painI heard the echo from his secret hideawayHe must’ve forgot to close his doorAs he cranked out those dismal chordsAnd his four walls declared him insane”
136.Dumbest lie you ever told?
“Did you let Haymitch jump on your back again?”
“Uh… noooo.”
“Then why do you have massive scratches in the clear shape of chicken feet on your back?”
“UHHHHHH-”
i”M A HUFFLEPUFF OKAY I’M NOT GOOD AT LYING X’D
128.How tall are you?
I’m not.
140.Brunette or Blonde?
Like, people I’m attracted to, or for me? I honestly don’t care attraction wise. For me, I guess brunette bc I think I look really weird with pale hair lmao.
142.Night or Day?
NIGHT. Dear god, night.
144.Are you a vegetarian?
NOPE. Honestly think I’d go insane if I didn’t eat meat. XD I mean, I would if I had to, but I’d really prefer not to.
146.Tea or Coffee?
TEA. I hate coffee, I’ll leave that to other people. XD
148.Mars or Snickers?
SNICKERS. Mars are good but… Snickers!!!!
150. Do you believe in ghosts?
Hell fucking yes you bet I do pal!!!!!!
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janiedean · 6 years
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Why don't you like Harry Potter?
I could reply ‘because it’s not a given that anyone would like it’ but if we want to be specific (SORRY ANYONE WHO LIKES IT TAKE IT AS MY PERSONAL OPINION):
I tend to not care about things where the protagonists are teenagers and in high school (asoiaf is the exception and the teenagers/children aren’t all of it and they’re not in high school) in general and HP is basically that except with magic
I am absolutely not into **magic** stuff when we’re discussing fantasy - I like lotr and asoiaf and discworld (which is satire/trope subversion anyway) and I have other exceptions but stuff like WIZARDS AND WITCHES AND STUFF is one of the things that I can care less as far as fiction is concerned
I find it really too simplistic in plot conception and execution, like I read maybe a bit of it and I couldn’t get into the style whatsoever because I thought it was nothing special
I watched like movie four and a part of two and I fell asleep during both for how little I could care
there is like one damned gray character in those books/films - ONE - and I’ve been hearing discourse about whether he’s GOOD OR BAD since I was in middle school
I’ve been withstanding snape discourse since middle school excuse me if I can’t stand it anymore
my friends back in the day couldn’t talk about literally anything else so if you didn’t care you either were uncool or you just had to listen to them harping about it when I was just like CAN WE TALK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE
they also proceeded to spoil me the entire thing at least for the main stuff so why the hell would I be interested if I already know everything and excuse me it sounds like the least interesting chosen hero story in existence to me at least
(no honestly harry is such a Chosen Hero trope in all the worst ways like sorry I really don’t care)
I’ve read/seen so much shit with the same moral which was better written and conceived that I’m nowhere near interested in getting into that, too
I really don’t care about wizards under the age of eighteen (and over the age of eighteen it’s... a very selected choice)
I can’t stand that this fandom is so entitled that they got eight movies, one play, the books, THE PREQUELS, I don’t even know how fucking much extra canon and so on and THEY HAVE TO KEEP COMPLAINING ABOUT IT EVERY OTHER MOMENT and the play was shitty, and the prequels are cash grab and the movies sucked and HERMIONE’S DRESS WAS PINK AND NOT BLUE AND THAT WAS A PLOT POINT THAT I HAD TO SEE DISCUSSED FOR ANOTHER THREE YEARS LIKE WHY DO YOU FUCKING CARE WHAT HERMIONE’S DRESS LOOKS LIKE, never mind that y’all have such a large fandom you can find virtually any pairing or ship or kink in it but of course I only see wanking about stuff when my favorite fantasy series is a perpetual yuletide fave, my otp has twenty fics half of which are tied to me somehow and got one shitty movie after years which sucked ass but of course AFTER EIGHT MOVIES THE PROBLEM IS *HERMIONE’S DRESS*
the harry/hermione vs ron/hermione shipwar that people still can’t let go about wanted to make me go murder people back when I had to read discourse about it oN LIVEJOURNAL, ON TUMBLR, ON FB AND IRL at the same time
the fucking snape discourse
the fact that people can’t seem to tag their posts with hp assuming that everyone likes it so I had to blacklist that, snape, hermione and idk how many characters just to make sure that shit wasn’t on my dash anymore and I still see it
once I said that I wasn’t gonna read it anyway because if I did I’d only care for some of the adults and I knew they were gonna die since everyone spoiled it for me already and then someone had the disgrace to say ‘if you liked theon in asoiaf you’d probably like snape as a character’ and I had to go through four hours of anon wanking about SNAPE DISCOURSE when I didn’t even know how to reply and my experience with this fandom is ALWAYS like that
I find it utterly boring and predictable and I can’t care less
also: let’s get it out of the way that I watched fantastic beasts with friends who dragged me and I didn’t dislike it actually I thought it was cute and GUESS WHY IT WAS BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS AN ADULT AND DIDN’T GO TO SCHOOL and it was touching somehow more serious themes than your usual trite YA stuff that the original is, and obviously the fandom is so full with discourse I’d never even touch it with a ten foot pole but it also shows people can’t seem to read/interpret anything related to HP in a sane way and without realizing that IT’S NOT ALL BLACK AND WHITE GDI, same as apparently they can’t let go of the fact that they have to put poor snape in one specific box instead of admitting that assholes can do good things for a good cause without meaning they aren’t assholes and be fucking done with it already. I also have no ill will towards poor jkr who has decent political views and only made money out of doing what she liked but which I have a feeling is a way better adult writer than YA writer but she never will have the chance to because if she gets out of the HP sphere no one cares about what she produces and/or doesn’t get it (guys I had to read there wasn’t racism talk in FB when it was set in the US like what did you think wizards not being able to marry normal humans was standing for).
but tldr: I find it a bunch of YA re-heated tropes put together in a way that can work for kids and was very smartly put together but is not really greatly written and does not work for me and I can’t give less of a fuck about the original series especially about teenager protagonists, the fandom is the incarnation of walking discourse, I hate that everyone seems to assume that you have to like HP and that it’s impossible that you might actually not give a fuck, I hate that I’ve had to hear HP discourse/talk since I was nine years old ie for the previous twenty years of my life, I hate that I can’t seem to escape idiotic discourse even if I try to get it out of my way and ah I forgot, I can’t anymore with people fighting bloody battles over freaking hogwarts houses and ah wait again I hate how in any small fandom in existence you won’t find a lot of things but THE HOGWARTS AU HAS TO BE THERE and if you don’t care for it you’ll have to read it anyway while being bored out of your mind because you really just don’t care for that setting.
ah, and I’m sick tired of having to justify the fact that I don’t like HP to about everyone I know irl because apparently it’s impossible that I can, you know, not like something that everyone else likes.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
again: I don’t mind discussing it on my terms and with people I know who also know I’m not interested in reading or watching it, but I’m really sick tired of seeing it everywhere after twenty years of telling everyone I don’t care. I mean. twenty years. I’m glad people enjoy it and I’m glad it got people into books and I absolutely don’t want to tell people they shouldn’t enjoy it because I can’t get into it - it’s their childhood and their favorite series and I’m sure it was great for them same as the stuff I liked was good for me - but it doesn’t mean I actually have to like it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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