#also please forgive me i was trying to really make it before the deadline | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

massivedreamer · 8 months

Text

THREE DAYS

Pairing: Dave York x Cartel boss Fem!Reader

Summary: The greatest thing Dave York will ever learn is to be loved… and to love in return.

Rating: E

Word count: 6,304

Warnings: 18+ NO MINORS, language and explicit content, no age gap, no use of y/n, use of a nickname, no physical description. Kidnapping and captivity (don’t worry, David's a big boy and it all ends up consensually), mentions of corruption, drugs, violence, prostitution, child trafficking, illicit activities in general, infidelity, invasion to privacy, masturbation (male/female), unprotected p in v (don't do it at home, kids), rough sex turns vanilla cause two baddies are in love, face riding, doggy style, fingering, squirting, overstimulation, cream pie, emotional orgasm. I think that covers it all.

A/N: This is some psycho killer rom com fever, I have no idea where it all came from but I'm a Pisces so there's that.

My first fic in a long, loooong time and my first Pedro's boys related tale. Encouraged to go back to the writing path by the lovely @lavendertales. English is not my native language, so please, forgive any trespassing. Written for the @pedrostories 's celebration (Did I make it before the deadline??)

Hope you like it and do let me know what you all think!

Yes, there's also a PLAYLIST

The kidnapping was the easiest part. Dave York´s daily routine must have been as predictable as his sex life with the wifey. It was disappointing, really. Your team had only surveillanced him for a couple of days and got his schedules and routes all figured out. For a DIA agent, not to mention a DIA agent-turned-mercenary, he had been sloppy. Lazy. The enemies gained through so many years of being a traitor and a greedy scumbag were all out there. Did he really think he was safe living his suburban life? Wasn't he scared his side job would have consequences at any point?

Did Dave York really consider the possibility of you forgetting him?

Of course, you sent Chet. He was your chosen brother, your lieutenant, your most loyal dog. Even though he could have done it alone, he took three of the new boys with him. He had personally trained them and thought this task as their perfect baptism of fire. The jet would be waiting. Your newest runway for the Washington deliveries, paid by unaware constituents, would be ready for the illegal flight in which only Dave would be sent to California. To the mansion/dungeon they had just finished building according to your specifications, somewhere in the desert.

-“Not again…” said Dave, rather calmly and through the hood once he could sit up and hear Chet´s voice. He could recognize that ridiculous high pitched male tone anywhere. “¿What the fuck does she want now?”

–” I don´t know, York. And it's not my place to give a fuck. But I hope it hurts”. Chet turned to the driver and whispered instructions on how to get to the private tarmac, fast but inconspicuously.

Dave chuckled and kept his cool, but on the inside, he began to worry. They had seized and crushed his iPhone as soon as they got him in the truck. Carol would soon start freaking out if he didn't answer her messages. Why the hell didn't he bring the satellite tracker today? He tried to guess where they were going, paying attention to the stops, the turns, the sounds. He could definitely recognize when they were passing Constitution Ave. But that was it. He had the feeling the directions Chet was giving the driver were solely to confuse him. After a while, the rhythm of the vehicle became monotone. They were cruising a highway. But, which one? Nevermind. It was obvious that the destination was in the outskirts of DC.

- “Out, York!”

Trying to deliver his most menacing voice, Chet yanked Dave by the arm and handed him to someone else. The highway trip was about 20 minutes and even though he was still with his head covered, it didn't take too much effort for him to realize they had arrived in some sort of an airport. She is definitely thriving.

- “I guess we´re not going to Cozum…?”

Dave didn't have the chance to finish the joke. The needle did its job perfectly. You couldn't risk your favorite bad boy using his legendary photographic memory, not even from the air.

A white room.

A bed.

A chair.

One small window.

Sunlight.

What time was it? What day was it?

Shit. Dave opened his eyes and before moving a muscle, he quickly scanned his surroundings. He had to make sure he was the only one in that cell. Because that's where he was. You had put him behind fucking bars. He´d be lying if he hadn't considered the possibility of going to prison someday. But that you were going to be his judge, jury and executor?

In the upper left corner of the locked room, there was a discreet, up-to-date camera that definitely recorded sound. Two speakers, matching the color of the walls, were hanging at each side of the bed. It was a California King Size. All of the sudden, Donna Summer’s “Love to Love You, Baby” started blasting through them. Dave sat up and some obscene flashes from the recent past slapped his memory. And, unexpectedly, fueled his groin.

-”There´s not coming back from this. Did you know that, right?” – Dave spoke over the loud music, not sure if you were able to hear him. “You kidnapped a federal agent. You´re fucked!”

Donna stopped abruptly but you continued the singing. You always had a lovely voice. In another life, you could have been a terrific singer. “IIIIIIII… love to love you babyyyy…!”

“Did you change your number?” – you asked, with a fake curiosity. “I cannot seem to reach you anymore…” You sighed, almost moaned.

“I only updated my spam call list” – Dave answered, nonchalantly. “What do you want, Killer Q?”

“ I can’t stop thinking about you”

“ Awww... You’re breaking my fucking heart, baby…” – Dave laughed.

That laughter hurt. Look at what this motherfucker does to you. One year ago, you were the most ruthless woman that had ever set foot in the drug trafficking industrial complex. As a boss. And in the US, of all places. Your facade of a succesful businesswoman, though a cliché, was more than efficient. The reality was that you had become the cocaine Godmother, the meth Empress, the Goddess of opioid. Your name had started to be known across the substances’ world, with a reputation forged under seas of blood. Every single poor devil, with so little brain to disrespect you and everything you had to go through to get where you were, was either impaired or underneath some surface.

And you were a witty bitch. While supervising the traditional kneecapping session reserved for dealers with dreams of entrepreneurism, you love to deliver some really funny lines. And yet, Dave York mocking you, left you speechless.

“Well, if the mountain will not come to Muhammad, then I guess Muhammad must kidnap the mountain…” – You were back.

“I thought we were done doing business” – Dave started losing his confidence. Not knowing what the hell you wanted started to have its effect on him. Deep down, and after all he had seen and heard, he had to admit he was a bit afraid of you.

“Business?” – you tried to disguise your vulnerability. “So, I’m just another deal to you, huh?

“Yes…" –Dave looked at the ceiling – "And no? I thought you and I were benefiting from each other AND having fun.”

There was a silence that, by no means, you intended to float so heavy in the air.

“Well, I guess for me… it turned into something more than entertainment…”

You had to close the mic to drink from the Evian bottle. You hadn’t planned to spill your truth in the first minute of conversation but there you were. Finally, admitting it. Out loud.

Were you going to say the word though? One thing was for sure: you had never felt like this. Let's be honest: a 13 year old, lured out of her miserable home, from a miserable town, having her soul ripped by men and their huffs and grunts, every single night, for a decade, was never meant to be the fairytale princess archetype. And other 10 years of her life, just surviving, lowering her head, listening to the important conversations, connecting with the right people, even escaping slavery through a marriage of convenience with a kingpin, didn’t contribute much to her personal knowledge of what love was. Or is?

“Well, aren’t you gonna say anything?” – you demanded.

“What do you want me to say?” – Sat at the edge of the bed and in the absence of the woman confessing such feelings for him, Dave just kept staring at the wall. “That I still don’t know why I’m here?”

“Oh you do…” – you sounded darker – “Think”

“Wait… Do you wanna have sex with me, Killer Q? Is that it?”

Now you were the one laughing.

“Oh my God… Men. Why are you all so basic? – You were enjoying this – Do you really think that if I only wanted to fuck you, you’d be in that cell, without me all over you? C’mon, try harder, York…”

“Do I really have a choice…?” Dave mumbled.

He sighed and stood up, his brain trying to come up with what scheme could be the closest to the one in your mind. You made it clear it wasn’t sex. Money, maybe? Extortion. You were infatuated and planning to send some incriminating material to Carol. You surely could have set up the equipment to record your encounters. Vegas? Last Spring? That’s when Donna played over and over, right? Memorable.

You watched through the monitor and smiled at the sight of the supposedly cold mercenary, slightly blushing.

“What do you feel for me, Dave?”

“Right now, I hate you.”

“I doubt that, baby… I got a better idea. It’s getting late, I’m tired and I need to go to bed. It’s sad we can’t share it yet. We will. But first you´ll have to seriously examine your actions, thoughts and, most importantly, your feelings in the recent time" – you took a long pause – "so you can be more honest with your responses in the next three days we’ll spend together. Night night, David”

"What? Wait! Three whole motherfucking days here?!” Dave was equally outraged and concerned. “I’m hungry! And…” - he hesitated and lowered his voice – “What about going to the bathroom and…?”

Two sliding doors opened almost in unison. One, small and by the bed, produced a tray with some delicious seafood dish, a glass of Chardonnay and a generous portion of Creme Brulee. The other entrance, bigger and near the main gate, showed him a luxurious bathroom, with a change of comfortable clothes and toiletries.

“You have two hours until the lights are off”

Day ONE

Daylight bathed the cell and Dave was surprised by how soundly he had slept. It must have been some residual effect from whatever tranquilizer they gave him before getting him in the jet. Or was it maybe that he felt comfortable? Bullshit. He was the renowned CIA agent David York and this was a dangerous situation. Even infatuated as you claimed to be, you were a threat. And, come on… you didn’t mean anything to him. He’s had his pretty decent share of affairs and he had come to terms with his cheating asshole condition. You were no different from the parade of office girls who begged on their knees for one more night of cuffs, lube and discarded condoms, right?

Right.

Still in bed, Dave looked longingly in the direction of the food door, mentally begging for a black coffee, no sugar, scrambled eggs and bacon. Not knowing the time was slowly driving him crazy. He trusted his appetite and the sun elevation angle to say it was close to noon. Of who knows what day but it was something. He went to the bathroom and freshened up.

“Uhmm.. Hello?” — Dave talked to the air, in the hopes you presented once more, vocally. Not that he was particularly interested in hearing your voice again or anything. “I could use some breakfast, you know? By the way, dinner last night was awesome. If you tell me where we are, I would highly recommend this place on TripAdvisor!”

Nothing.

Nada.

Wait.

There was something.

Suddenly, and as if he was in a real hotel and some nextdoor honeymooners were doing what honeymooners usually do in hotels, Dave started to hear some lewd sounds coming from somewhere nearby. At first, it was barely audible, which made it difficult to pinpoint the source. But it rose to a crescendo, getting higher, clearer. Hotter. Dave realized it was not coming from any place near the cell but from the speakers crowning his prisoner bed.

“Give it to me, daddy…! Ohh…Fuckfuckfuckfuck… Yesyesyesyeyes!”

It was you. You were fucking some random dude and broadcasting it live and in stereo. For him to be the only audience.

"Ooooh Gooood…Yeaaah… Harder! Please! Please! Pleaaaase! I’m so close! Make me come! No one can make me come like you, daddy…!”

Dave was standing in the middle of the room, hands on the hips, smiling and shaking his head in disbelief. If this was your strategy, it was beyond pathetic. The skin slapping skin sound was getting louder and faster. You sounded so satisfied, kept moaning and begging. Dave had to admit that the guy was doing a great job. He wasn’t saying a word, he was just panting and grunting. There was something about him though. The noises he was making, the pace he was fucking you… The only sexual activity Dave had eavesdropped in his life was his dorm roommate, back in college, 25 years ago. And after all that time, he still recalled it was a lousy job. So, even though there were no parameters to be based on, in this case, Dave could strangely tell, just by listening to his performance, that for this guy it wasn’t just sex. What a loser, putting so much care into making you come, probably watching your face in ecstasy, proud of himself, thinking you’d adore him afterwards…

You came. Hard.

“What are you doing?” – Dave was done.

A giant screen popped up from one of the walls, revealing some truly NSFW scenes. So it was not just audio after all. There you were… and Dave York, fucking you senseless, chasing his own high in that Colorado cabin, last time you were together.

“You mean, what are we doing?” – you sounded so full of yourself.

“Take it off” – He was watching the video, weirdly mesmerized. - “Take. It. Off”

“Oh but here comes the best part! - You imitated a little girl who didn’t want to go to sleep.

“Take it off. Or I will “ – Dave grabbed the chair and walked in a menacing way towards the screen.

His movements in the video were frantic. His beautifully formed butt, hammering between your legs, was the star of the piece. He was about to watch himself reaching orgasm, with a woman who wasn’t his wife. What a piece of shit he was.

“Ooooh fuuuuuuck… unnngh… I fuck…ing.. I... fucking LOVE YOU…”

Dave dropped the chair and the screen went to black. It’s not that he didn’t remember saying that. The problem was that he had been trying to forget that he said it. He composed himself.

“You gotta be kidding me…” – he chuckled and calmly returned the chair to its place – “Really? What’s your point with all this?”

“I think it’s quite obvious, David” – you lit up a cigarette and reclined in your leather armchair.

“You know? I thought you were crazy, but with this, you’ve exceeded my expectations” – Dave didn’t try to conceal his rage anymore – “Do you really believe that the shit we say during sex is meaningful?!”

“I have a question for you, Dave. If this thing between us was nothing, why didn’t you stop calling me? Because let me remind you that it was you who looked for me. Not the other way around”

You were right. He desperately tried to find a plausible answer to your question. “Well, I guess it´s because you´re a great fuck, Q.”

“I am. In fact, I absolutely excel in bed. ” – You paused – “And yet, none of all the men I’ve been with, not a single one of those motherfuckers really wanted to see me again after a couple of times”

Dave remained in silence.

“Oh but you were only ‘having fun’ with me for, what? Almost 2 years now? – Yes, you were counting – “Until you cut me off completely, last week. Excuse me for only being sensical at reading this situation, York"

He had to admit you were right.

“So tell me… What happened? Little Carol found out about your feelings?”

“Don’t you bring Carol into this…”

“Oh but she already is! What was it? – You fake a gasp – Did you say my name while making love to her tenderly…?”

“Shut up!” – Dave almost growled.

“Sorry” – you said, sincerely.

“What?”

“I don’t want to antagonize you, Dave. It’s just…”

“Yeah. I guess that’s why you kidnapped me…”

“You gave me no choice, Dave. Look, I know you think I’m a heartless woman. I myself thought I was. This is my desperate measure, to my desperate times. I love you. – You fought the impending tears with all your strength – And call me crazy all you want, but I know for sure you love me back. That’s why you ghosted me. It scares the shit out of you feeling something like this for someone like me.”

Dave couldn’t think of any explanatory response. Because, in fact, he had none.

The little door suddenly opened, showing a bistec with a colorful salad, his non-optional lunch offer for the day, that went uneventful after your mic turned off.

Day TWO

Nothing had happened since the dawn of that second day. Dave hoped you were having second thoughts and maybe were planning on releasing him. He also questioned himself if that’s what he wanted. After a quick shower, he noticed night had finally fallen in whatever place this majestic prison was located. He had no clue what time it was and, honestly, he didn’t give a fuck anymore. While laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, which was the only entertainment he could find, Carol and the girls suddenly came to his mind. What would they be doing right now? He felt for them. Even though he had long come to accept that he didn’t love Carol anymore, he truly valued her. She was a great woman, a perfect mother, and at this point, a resilient wife. And his daughters… They were the most beautiful beings he could have produced and the only decent footprint he will leave on this Earth. What would they think of him if he divorced their mom? Dave mentally punched himself for considering that.

Complete darkness swallowed the cell. Of course, it was getting late for the daily event. All lights went dead except for the big screen that suddenly started showing some CCTV images. It was Dave’s street.

“Have you been to my home too, Q? Pfff, I don’t know why I’m surprised…”

There was not a comeback from your part.

After a few minutes, it was clear that the footage was an edition from different days, but at similar hours. Dave realized that in those cuts there was something concerning. The same man appeared to be jogging, but discreetly glancing at his house. Everyday. He was wearing different sporty outfits and anyone could think he was simply a neighbor trying to be fit. But for the trained eye of Dave York, it was easy to understand that that guy was something else. Something dangerous.

“Do you remember the job I got you, 6 months ago, for that Qatar minister? You and your men failed, Dave. They launched an investigation over the dude. And he eventually had to resign. Guess what? He isn’t the forgiving type. He came to me and asked for your personal inform…”

“You put my family in danger, you fucking psycho?!” Have you lost your mind?

“Do you really think that your family would still be alive had I done that, York?

“Q, you have to let me go” – Dave didn't want to joke anymore – “I need to warn them. Please, let me just do this and I promise, I swear on their lives, you can do whatever you want with me afterwards. Please.”

That pleading made you fall even more in love with him.

Dave kept watching the footage, terrified of what could be coming next. The video was fast forwarded and he could see as the jogger, who was running his usual target street, crouched and pretended to tie his shoelaces. All of the sudden, he disappeared behind a white van that passed by him and slowed down right where he was. He never reappeared after the van kept on going. A knife was left abandoned on the pavement. Exactly 15 seconds after that, the Mercedes with Carol and the girls turned around the corner, coming back from school. Now Dave remembered the night his wife had commented how weird it was finding that knife in the middle of their street. Dave didn't think anything of it.

"Sometimes I ponder how easy and convenient it would've been for me to let that "tragedy" to happen"

"What about Al-Salim? He could send more people…"

"He fell into depression. And sadly took his own life back in Qatar, the very afternoon this healthy man suffered a heart attack, at the entrance of the George Washington hospital. Dark coincidence, don't you think?"

Dave was at a loss for words for the longest moment. He couldn’t quite wrap his head around what you’d done for his family. For him.

"I guess… you don't need my services anymore. It seems like now I can hire you for this kind of job. Thank you, Q"

The screen went dead and it was pitch black again. Dave didn't know what to expect anymore.

"Aren't you curious about how I hacked your security camera? And your home intranet, DIA agent?" – your tone was playful again.

Your voice wasn’t coming through the speakers anymore but from right outside his cell. Like in a theatrical performance, the beam of a projector somehow lit up only you and your body. There you were, no make up, loose hair, sitting on a kitchen chair and wearing nothing but a white long dress. The powerful lightning made you look like a sexy specter.

“How are you Dave? Comfortable, I hope” – You crossed your legs and adopted the pose of a therapist who was about to have her first session with a new patient.

“I’m sitting in the dark. I like it” – Dave was not lying.

“I suppose you do. Tell me, do you also sit in the dark at home, late at night, when you Google me?

“Oh, please… Don’t flatter yourself, Killer Q”

“Please, your Honor! I have some unmistakable evidence to substantiate my case…”

You stood up and the projector revealed, over your curves, recordings from a computer screen, where your name appeared, over and over again, in searchings with a variety of word combinations that ultimately lead to the same topic: your romantic life. Your name + the terms “boyfriend”, “dating”, “partners”, “love life”, “marriage plans”, “past relationships”.

Dave felt his face on fire and thanked the darkness for concealing it.

“That could be anyone's computer”

The images of the hacked screen then changed to a divided layout of his deceitful puppy eyes, his hands on the keyboard in which he was entering the terms, all matching the dates and times of the searches you previously and sensually had helped showcasing.

“I think that’s your computer, agent York.”

You got up and came closer to the cell, took down the dress straps, one at the time, and let it fall to the floor. You could barely see Dave but you could sense his eyes roaming your naked body. Neither of you said a word. You ceremoniously came back to the chair and sat again, feeling the wetness that had been accumulating since he had thanked you for saving his family.

“I just know it, Dave. Please, just say it” – you begged with hooded eyes.

The projector was now bathing you with a soft shade of pink, matching the glistening between your legs, on full display for your prisoner to see. When you started circling your clit, your nipples rock hard even before getting undressed, you knew you were not going to last. On the other side of the bars, Dave was breathing heavily and his bulge began pulsing. He didn’t want to, he couldn’t give in to the need to pull his cock out and get himself off to the magnificent scene he was witnessing. He had always thought your body was glorious, even with your scars. Maybe, because of them.

“Baby… Mmmm… can’t you see? This is… all… yours… Oh… I… am yours…”

You were stabbing your cunt with two fingers, curving them at the right place, at the right rhythm. The sounds you were making, increasingly wetter, desperately faster. One foot on the ground, the other stepping on the spindle, you had definitely used that wooden chair for sinful exercises before. And your moans echoed in the room where Dave was. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you, gulping and palming himself, fully erect and finally doing what he very much had resisted. You could hear him and it turned you on even more. Almost standing up, you went back to your clit, frantically rubbing it, keeping your eyes fixed in Dave’s direction. When he saw you come, it was like looking at some goddess sculpture, with a gaping mouth expression, frozen in ecstasy for a few seconds, screaming his name right after. Spitting his hand and fisting himself, once, twice, thrice, Dave spilled his seed all over the tile floor. Panting and slightly sweating, still in the dark, he watched you approach the cell again, still naked and with a satisfied grin on your face. Your hand, still covered in your juices, went straight to grab one of the door metal bars and smudge it with your flavor. Then, you picked up your dress, gave Dave one last look and left. Everything went dark again. But before any light would turn on and gave him away, Dave rushed to the door and licked what you had left for him.

Later in the shower he had to take care of himself for a second time.

Day THREE

A huge smash woke Dave from one of the best sleepings he had had in a long time. The lack of proper rest in the past 48 hours had been highly balanced out by the self pleasure activities shared with you the previous night. In his haze, he could hear that there was some commotion out there but, again, he was unable to determine the source. “What is it gonna be today…” He rubbed his eyes and then rolled them.

Dave stood up and walked to the door, grabbed the bars and listened closely. There were two voices. They were arguing. And it didn’t sound pretty. “You don’t understand! It’s not because of you! That was definitely your voice. “Why the fuck do you even bother? With him? I always stood by you, you ungrateful bitch…!”

Chet.

Wait. Was that a lovers’ quarrel? Dave was baffled. He had always thought your loyal lieutenant was a rampant homosexual. “Chet, stop it, please!” You sounded more and more scared, on the verge of tears, almost. Dave’s heart started racing, his knuckles turning white while squeezing the bars of the door. It was like Chet was bringing the whole house down. Glass crashing, furniture flying, walls being punched. Then Dave heard a slap and a muffled gasp. And he lost it.

“Cheeeet! You coward piece of shit, leave her alone!!! You want me??? Here I am!! Come and get me, fucker!!!”

Dave started furiously kicking the bars, of course, to no avail. He searched and searched, for some sign of a door opening device, while he kept hearing your screamings. He scanned the cell and looked at the chair. The window. He probably was not going to be able to break it, or fit into it but at that point anything was worth trying. He stepped on the chair when suddenly everything went quiet. Fearing the worst, he stepped down. The screen turned on and there it was your face. Dave York never thought the day would come when he’d get to see you in such a state. Your hair in disarray, reddened puffy eyes, bloody lips and sheer terror plastered in your expresion. Still so beautiful. You were whispering to the camera installed in the control room from where you clearly operated all these days, looking to your side every five seconds, afraid of Chet entering any minute.

“I’m so sorry Dave! – you were sobbing but quickly tried to get yourself together – “There’s a panel… uhm… hidden, on the inside wall… it's the right side… No! Sorry! Sorry! Left side by the cell door! You give it a little push and…” – you froze and glanced at your flank – “It will show a big red button…You push it and it will open the door. Please, you gotta help me, please! He’s gonna kill me, Dave…! Forgive me, I was so stup…”

Suddenly, a giant hand grabbed you by the hair and yanked you out of the frame. The screen went dark.

Dave heard three gunshots somewhere nearby.

He rushed to the door and followed your instructions. Once he was free he ran like a madman. He didn’t recognize himself, feeling a desperation so uncommon for a cold mercenary like he had been for so long. It was corridor after corridor, and they all looked the same. The walls were slightly curved, lacking any pictures or decoration. The little windows above his head, just like in his cell, provided great lightning, but he couldn't help thinking it was like being inside a pantheon. He tried one door, then another. And another. They were all locked. It resembled a mental facility, Greek style. At last, Dave reached a T turn and when he looked, it was a long corridor on both sides. But to the left there was something he hadn't encountered so far: an opened door. In fact, it was ajar. Dave came to the frightening realization that Chet could still be around, armed. While he only had his bare hands. He cautiously entered and came across your control center. A dozen monitors, a camera, a microphone and a tumbled armchair. Some screens were still transmitting video from different parts of the house and Dave instinctively looked for the one broadcasting from his dungeon. He couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw you, laying still on the California King. Dave didn’t stay to check on your state through the monitor but ran through the door and raced the corridors again, trying to remember the path back to the place he had been for the past three days. Were you passed out? Or were you dead? Focus, Dave. Hurry up.

“Wow. For someone who only had fun with me, that’s… pretty moving, baby”

Dave had run so fast the last part of the hallway leading to the cell, that he virtually bounced on the ending wall. It would’ve been almost comedical if he hadn’t launched like an animal to the now closed jail door. When he desperately looked inside it, there you were. Unharmed, gorgeous, laying on your belly holding your head with your hands, looking at Dave with innocent eyes. Naked. He was trying to catch his breath, holding the metal bars, looking down. A smile, one that you had never seen on him, appeared on his face when he lifted his head and gazed at you.

“Let me in” – Dave said in a deep whisper. His smile was gone and his eyes were almost black.

“Have you had enough time to think about our conversations…?”

“Let me in”

“You know? I’m not so sure… What are your plans to spend this lovely afternoon in this cozy space with… me?”

“I want to eat”

Your cunt pulsed at those words. Dave looked indeed like a vampire.

You stood up and went to the opening panel, taking your time, walking painfully close to Dave, cold metal as the only barrier preventing him from pouncing on you. You finally gave a push to the red button and the cell was open. Dave stood still, leaning on the threshold.

“This isn't what I signed up for when I joined the DIA”

“What? Consorting with criminals…?”

“Falling for the fiercest of them”

Dave charged and lifted you in one powerful move. And you held onto him for dear life, your mouth colliding with his, so happy you could cry. You locked your legs around him while he carried you until you both crashed against the nearest wall. Dave stopped for air. He caressed your cheek and took a good look at your face, every inch of it, as if he couldn’t believe what was happening. He once again tried to devour your lips but you put your fingers on his mouth.

“Wait... Can I ask you something?

“Fire up”

You both giggled.

“I don’t want you to fuck me…”

“But…”

“I want you to make love to me”

Dave's perplexed reaction turned to a sassy one.

“How many orgasms do you think you can handle?”

“Five”

“I like those odds”

He put you down, laid back on the bed and went upwards in the direction of the headboard.

“Up, Q”

You moaned loudly when you sat on his face and Dave started his attack on your pussy. His tongue had been there hundreds of times now. And yet it felt like it was the first time he was licking and sucking your folds like that.

“Oh my.. God… Dave… Keep going, like that, please, oooh please…!”

His brown eyes alternated between being open and fixed on you and closed due to the pleasure. The noises he was making, how your juices began dripping down his stubble, the way he was gripping your thighs, everything had you riding him like there was no tomorrow.

“Dave, baby… Unnngh… I’m… Mmmmcoming… Please, make me come…”

Instead of fulfilling your wish, he pushed you away, making you lose your balance and falling on your back. But you didn’t even have time to protest since Dave was on you again, turning you around, on all fours. You felt his still clothed erection grazing your ass.

“Are you ready to receive my love, Q…? – He cooed in your ear.

“Yes, yes, YES!”

“All of it?”

“Give it to me…” –you sounded almost pathetic.

You heard him taking off his shirt and sweatpants and then slapping his cock. Ass up, your wetness was now going down your legs. Proudly licking his lips, where he could still taste you, Dave teased your entrance with the tip of his length and you squeezed the sheets in desperation. You cried his name when he entered you and couldn’t breath when he started his thrusting. Slapslapslapslap. His big hands sank in your flesh, keeping you in place so your face was pressed to the mattress, muffling your whimpers. Dave then lifted you, tenderly embracing you from behind and also reaching your clit and circling it with expertise.

“Are you close, baby? Hmmm? Talk to me…”

“Yes baby, I think I’m… explode… am” – you weren’t coherent anymore.

“Lay back…”

He gently pulled you back, making you lean on him, both now seated on the bed.

“Open your legs, Q. Open them wide”

You obeyed. Dave put one hand on the bed for support and the other one went straight between your legs. When you realized what he had in mind, you granted him more access, placing your hips forward.

“Two. Or three?”

“Three… is my lucky… number”

He then started fingering you. He went in and out frantically, making sure he was properly hooking his fingers to get to the patch of heaven inside your vagina. Your eyes went to the back of your head and you were unable to make any sound. Dave wished there was a mirror in front of the two of you so he could witness your cute O face. All of the sudden, a loud squelching echoed across the room and Dave grinned in anticipation.

“Here it comes, baby. Alright baby, alright, baby. Come on now”

“Ooooohhh mmmm... Ghhhhhhhaaaaah!!!!!

You felt indeed like something had exploded out of you. It was liquid pleasure like you had never experienced before. It kept on leaking, down your legs, down the bed, down Dave´s hand. You weren’t sure how to feel or what to do next. Dave continued encouraging you, kissing your earlobe and cradling you in his chest, waiting for you to get down from your high. When you were back on Earth again, you turned around and looked him in the eye.

“Love me, Dave”

He flipped you over, kissed you lovingly, fist himself a couple of times and entered you. His pace was now slow, with a calm he had barely known in his whole life, in any aspect of it. How long he’d pretended you were merely a substance trader who happened to cross his path of illicit choices. You kept your eyes open. You wanted to make sure he was there, that he was real. That he was David York. The mercenary, the federal impostor, the cheating husband, the lover you never thought you deserve. That this wasn’t another of your sex fantasies at night.

“I love you, Killer Q”

Dave increased his rhythm.

“Say it again”

“I. Fuckin. Love. You”

“Come for me, daddy”

Dave thrusts became erratic, his breathing increasingly difficult. You held his face, forcing him to look at you.

“I’m here, baby. Look at me. Give me everything you got. Fill me in”

Those words did the job. Dave groaned deep and long, as he spurted his hot load inside you. But he was not finished. With what was left of his magic, he intended to make you come one more time. In and out, in and out, in and out, just at the right angle, to burn your clit one more time.

And it happened that you burst into tears as you orgasmed. Dave kissed them dry.

“Don’t cry, Q.” – Dave stared at you adoringly –”Thank you”

“For what…?” You used the pillow case as a Kleenex.

“To show me what an idiot I’ve been all this time. I really deserve being hurt by Chet. Hopefully, he’s not around...”

You laughed.

“He’s with one of the new boys”

“Training him?”

“I don’t think so…”

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #dave york #the equalizer 2 #murder daddy #suburban bad boy #dave york x f!reader #dave york x you #dave york smut #dave york fanfiction #pedrostories1k

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rsbigbang · 1 year

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hello <3

I have never joined a fest before and I'm a bit nervous about having to adhere to a deadline. I write fic and although I only have one posted so far, I am working on three WIPs at the same time that I will post to ao3 when finished (publishing chaptered fics when the fic isn't finished yet stresses me out) but I have a very very busy life and I'm not sure I can make it work, but I really want to participate.

I know this isn't really a question per se but I was hoping maybe you had some advice about working to deadline when it comes to fic?

hi hi friend!! it is so totally fair to be nervous about this, however I cannot stress enough that the consequences for not making the deadline are, uh, VERY FEW.

Listen. We will try our darndest to wrangle and cheerlead people to the finish line, because we really want everyone who signs up to feel like they've completed their goal to the best of their ability!! we are here in the discord to offer advice on how to carve out writing time, how to write outlines, how to overcome writers block, etc etc! we WAnT everyone who signs up to finish their fic and feel proud of it! that's what makes the Big Bang so exciting!

But real life comes first, every time. (don't come at me for "real life", I know this is also real life, you know what I mean.) if you are busy offline, please please prioritize that! If you feel stressed out because you don't think you can make the deadline AND be happy with the fic..... DON'T. As soon as this is not fun, it is not the right fest. And if you don't make the writing deadline.... nothing will happen. We are not here to punish you!! you will probably still have most of a fic written!! you can still publish it on your own when it's done, or save it for the Big Bang 2024!! (which is def happening btw, we have plans)

Also, if it helps, the first fests I did were lower pressure and lower word-count (and more forgiving on timelines) than the Big Bang. That could be an easier way to write for your first fest if you're still nervous!

okay all that being said, advice on writing to a deadline below the cut

Outlining. An outline serves multiple purposes: it puts your thoughts in order, helps with structure and pacing right off the bat, AND can mean that if you're stuck on one part you can always jump ahead a few scenes and start somewhere else fresh before coming back to where you got stuck. It can also sorrrrrt of work as a schedule: "I want THIS part done by this time," etc.

Sprints. I find sprints super helpful — they are a way to get writing without the pressure of every sentence being perfect, plus they structure your time in a way that, yes, is totally artificial and unenforced, but FEELS real. They are the best way to conquer the blank page imo. Doing them with friends is extra helpful as a way to keep yourself accountable.

Carve out writing time. Literally put it into your calendar and make it an appointment. (Sounds simple but hey, we all have jobs & friends & other hobbies, I get it.) Personally I write every weekend morning at a local coffee shop, unless I'm out of town or an event is unmissable. That's pretty much all the time I can carve out reliably, but it works, and it's started to feel sacred.

Call a friend. Tell a friend (or your beta) what you want to have done by what time. Sometimes knowing that you'll have to confess to them that you haven't done it is what pushes a few more paragraphs out.

Any more advice?? Feel free to send it to our inbox!

xx molly

#ask box #r/s big bang #have advice on writing to a deadline that we missed? send it to our inbox!

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herdeardiaryy · 9 months

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devotion 36

"He coveteth greedily all the day long: but the righteous giveth and spareth not."

Proverbs 21:26

Greedy people are those who seek attention, for me. They always wanted take everything for their own good, but later on, it will all disappear because they craved for it in a short way, not working out for it, and then the cycle begins again.

I have experienced this kind of person, wherein, she will asked me to do this tasks, and then the recognition or the creditd are only hers. It's really fine by me, because I'm glad I helped, but being thankful for having someone who helped you get over the pressures sometimes need entitlement, too. But then, I chose to be silent and be happy her her. Because at the end of the day, we won't be needing anything, as long as we worked hard to reach our goals in life.

I was an attention seeker before, to the point that I tried my very best to impressed my parents just to caught up their attention, years later, I finally felt tired of doing it. Sometimes those things that you are chasing, are not good for you. When I got my senses, I realized that their attention is always on me, I was just blinded by my overthinking brain, glad I realized it myself. My parents are so fair.

Greediness has nothing to do to your success. Sometimes being greedy can help you speed up your failure, and that is not good. Let us choose always to be kind in every different way, forget about the "me" thing, if it's meant for you, it will come off smoothly, do not take something that is not for you. ALSO, this is very important; do not try to drag someone down for your own good, always remember that the only thing that matters in competition is competing with yourself, not with anybody else. Life is hard, don't be a burden to everyone because we are always trying our best to survive and succeed.

This is my prayer:

"Lord, first of all, thank You for Your word, for reminding us not to be greedy and the consequences of it. Father, if You did find me become greedy in my years living in this world, I sincerely apologize, Lord. Forgive me, Lord. I know I have sinned so many times and I request to you the forgiveness that I deserve. Help me to control my feelings in every ways, continue to give me wisdom, knowledge, alertness, protection and hope. I pray that my family will have a long life, strong and healthy living. Continue to shower your blessings and healing upon my family, Lord. I also lift up to you, Lord, my work, the deadlines, the pressures, the reports and dashboards, most especially to my boss, help me Lord to finish the tasks, please show me how powerful You are again, Lord, make the impossible, possible, Lord. All of these are very impossible for me, but I know you are the God of the impossible, in Jesus Name. Thank you for giving me chances everyday, Lord. Thank you so much for my family and friends. I love you so much, Lord, I love you.

This is my prayer in the Name of Jesus, our Lord,

Amen."

130823 | 00:24

#devotion #Spotify

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orcadigitals · 2 years

Text

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universalistotalis · 3 years

Text

Stiff That You Love

Ushijima Wakatoshi (Timeskip!) x Female reader

Masterlist!!!

You never thought you'd see him again. You almost choked on the truffle pasta that you ordered in this café when a certain beautiful giant waved and made his way to you.

"Holy damn." You whispered underneath your breath as his strides made their way towards your table. You knew he was already a show stopper back then, but now???!

You were so sure everyone would drop dead at the sight of him.

"Hi." He greeted with his deep voice. "Do you still remember me?"

Surprise filled your expression at his question but you smiled politely and nodded your head. "How could I forget? How are you Ushijima?"

You swore you saw a glint of relief and excitement in his eyes but it immediately wavered as he motioned to the chair in front of you.

"May I?" He asked again, holding the back of the chair.

Is he really going to sit here with me?!

"Sure, of course." Your voice squeaked at the feeling of your heart bursting out of your chest. His greeting was enough to kick the air out of your lungs but a whole conversation?! You didn't know how long you would last in his ever- intimidating presence.

It was already the last year in college and you were so determined to graduate with latin honors. Every single minute of your life, you dedicated it to studies, friends and family. They were all that mattered. And so you stayed until the wee hours at certain café spots around the university or at the library inside the campus. You went to meet up with friends during the weekends only for a simple dinner or lunch. You called your family members every chance you get during free time. That was your life. And you were content.

But then this boy came in to the picture.

"You will be partnered together and I shall assign the pair. Make sure you finish the written output, video presentation, and oral defense at the end of the semester." Those were the words of your professor during one of your classes before yours and his name were called out together.

You swore it was fate. Romance was really not in the forefront of your mind but as they say, "You'll find it best when you're not looking".

AND MY GOD WERE YOU SO WRONG!

This man named Ushijima Wakatoshi who came out from nowhere, looking as good they come, had no ounce of romance nor funny bone in his muscular body. He was the most dense, most serious, most infuriating man you've ever met in your whole life!!! He was a whole perfectionist, always so blunt at his comments about the outputs that you showed him. He was also so strict with the deadlines, not considering that you had other classes than this that had much more weight and importance.

You were so close to giving up but...

"Y/n?" You knew that voice only belonged to the certain antagonist in your story right now.

Your hands trembled as you wiped the tears streaming down your face after your meeting together at the library.

"Ushijima, hey!" You pretended to be your usual chirpy self as you turned around to face him.

It was already late so the lights surrounding the university casted an unworldly glow on his face. He was always so breathtaking no matter where you put him but damn those looks! He was just as heartless.

"Are you alright?" He asked with a worried tone.

"I'm fine. I'll be going home now. See you next week." You excused yourself.

"Wait." His cold fingers caught your arm and that made you stop your tracks.

"Is there a problem, Wakatoshi?"

He bowed his head before slowly releasing you in his grip. "I wanted to apologize for my behavior."

"W-what?" You wanted to make sure if what your ears heard was right. He does not seem the type to apologize.

You heard another deep sigh as he looked at you. "I've always been told that I come off too much to others. I didn't realize it until recently when one of my friends told me."

"Oh, well..."

"I'll try to be better though. I'll be more careful from now on. And I'm really sorry if I ever hurt your feelings in the past." He said with all seriousness that you can't help but sigh and just nod.

"You can be really mean sometimes." You agreed and chuckled, letting a tear escape your eyes.

"You've been crying." He stated flatly as if he was reciting a trivia. "I'm still so sorry."

You giggled. "Yeah, I forgive you. Anyway, it's getting late, Wakatoshi. We have to head home."

"I'll walk you home." He said with a finality in his voice. You were again, surprised by his actions but just agreed because this was such a draining day.

And as you were nearing where you stayed, you were again surprised at how comforting his presence was.

You did find his presence after that night relaxing. He became more tactful and he started to insert jokes during your meetings which shocked you so much the first time that he felt a little offended. You became such close friends that his team mates in volleyball were again, shocked that he managed to get a friend outside the team. It was just a matter of getting used to, you thought to yourself. He's just so honest, mechanical, and straightforward to a fault and you got to master how to tell him off when needed. He also developed to trust you so whenever he needed advice, he would always go to you and trust your honest words.

Looking at him now, it made your heart warm at how far he'd come. It's amazing to have known him then. To have seen how he grew as an athlete, a student, and a person. He may still be a little stiff but that's just the Wakatoshi you've come to love.

"Soo..." He started while sitting back down again after claiming his coffee from the counter. "I am not disturbing you, am I?" He pointed at the laptop and papers next to you.

You laughed. "Not at all! I finished them anyway."

"How have you been then?" He asked. His elbows were resting on the table and his hands were holding on to the cup of coffee. The sight was a little funny considering his giant built was leaned onto a very small table.

You smiled gently. "I've been good! I got the job that I dreamed of having and I own some businesses too. Ho--"

"Your eyes sparkle the same way." He cut off.

"What?" You asked, surprised at his random comment.

"Your eyes..." He pointed out. "They sparkle the same way they did in college when you were talking about something you like."

"How did you notice that?" You laughed.

"I'm known to be observant." He smirked slightly, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Okay, Mr. Oh-So-Observant, how are your matches going? I've been tuning in since the first tournament and it looks like you're going to the semi- finals!" You cheered not hiding your pride and excitement for the country's national volleyball team. When you searched on how to watch the live games, you insisted that you were there to cheer for the country and definitely NOT to cheer and simp for a certain brown- haired, serious player. Definitely NOT!

"You've been watching our games?" He asked, eyes slightly widening at the thought of you cheering for him. What he didn't know was that you were always watching his games since college, not missing even one match. You were always there, crying at how proud you were of him. Also, crying at how much he could never be yours.

"Of course, I have, silly!" You chuckled and pointed at your laptop. "I've been watching here and you're just so amazing and strong!"

He suddenly paused at your statement, silently raising a brow at you and smiling softly.

"I- I meant that your whole team is amazing and strong." You clarified, a blush automatically painting the whole of your face and ears.

"Would you like to go tomorrow?" He blinked, setting down his cup on the wooden surface. "To the game, I mean?"

Your eyes widened at his offer. "Are you serious?!"

He chuckled at your reaction. "Of course! We're allowed to bring spectators for the games, I'll just give you the tickets."

"Wow, Ushijima, thank you so much! It's an honor!" You chimed excitedly, jumping a little on your chair.

"The honor's mine." He replied, grinning at you.

He already knew back then that you were one of a kind. No one ever really stayed and tried to understand his demeanor and personality but you did. You were so honest and kind and you always knew what to do or say to keep him at ease. You accepted him for who he was and he's so thankful to have met such a beautiful soul. Even when you were doing nothing, even when you're just sitting across this table from him, without you knowing, you already made up his entire exhausting day. Hell, you made up all those exhausting years of not seeing each other since you two graduated. He suddenly imagined if being with you would always be like this. So peaceful and just pure bliss...

"You've got to be shitting on me! Is that Ushiwaka?" The pair sitting next to the glass walls of the café was oblivious of the red- haired tower and group of men walking past the street. All of them were wearing coats and casual attires as they're planning to go for lunch at their favorite restaurant for a little reunion. The all powerful Shiratorizawa Volleyball Team, headed by Ushijima in high school, cowered like puppies at the name of their captain being mentioned.

"Where?!" Goshiki stopped and shielded himself from an invisible force. "He said he couldn't make it!"

"I guess our baby's growing up, look!" Tendou hummed and pointed at the two of you laughing and looking at each other with heart eyes. "I bet they don't know that they're shooting hearts at each other."

"I never thought he could smile like that." Semi whispered.

"Yeah well, he's been crushing on that girl since college." Tendou filled the silent wonder of the whole group. "That's why she looked familiar! He kept sending me photos of them together studying or something..."

"Studying, my ass!" Shirabu laughed as they continued staring and hiding behind a post at the same time.

They all burst out laughing and again Tendou chuckled. "No seriously, they were studying!"

"Yeah well, they look good together. I hope he'd have the balls to ask her out. Please god!" Goshiki put his hands together as if seriously praying.

"Bet you 10, 000 yen, we'd be attending his wedding two years from now." Semi challenged.

"Nah, I'll go with a year." Tendou offered.

The men casted their bets on how long you and Ushijima would get married. They knew their captain so well to be sure enough that he was serious with you. Safe to say, Semi won the bet.

Reblogs are appreciated! <3

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1001scoganmusings · 3 years

Text

Loving you shouldn’t be this easy pt2

Summary: Flug dumping a botched experiment on blackhat ends up revealing a hidden secret that could change the both of them forever.

A/N: Sorry for the long wait I wanted to capture the characters personalities and I think I did that. Also Spanish isn’t my first language but I currently learning it cuz I love it. If you mistakes, no you don’t!

Word count: 3364k

Warnings 18+, masturbation, Flug’s a peeping Tom

Translations:

Desculpa me - forgive me

Gracias pansonchito - thank you my little chubby boy

Jefe - boss

Perdon - sorry

¿Por qué huyes de mi amor? ¿No ves cuanto te necesito?” - why do you run from me my love? Can’t you see I need you

And as always minors not allowed

Idk how to add small neat links pls share if you can

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“No please don’t do this.” The hero struggled in vain against the metal bars of the operating table.

“He’s making you I know it. You have to fight it Flug. Let me out and I promise to save you from his evil clutches. Come back to the side of justice and good where you belong.”

Flug sighed in exasperation. Why was it that all the heroes said the same lines like mindless drones. Couldn’t they at least be a little more creative with their persuasion. No flug would never go back. Not after what they did to him. If people knew what their heroes were really like behind closed doors when no one was looking those adoring fans of theirs would quickly turn in to angry mobs. Flug could feel his anger grow. Boiling in his belly at the memories of how he’d wanted to grow up to be just like them. Even going as far to be an intern for the hero agency as a teenager. What a fool. Slaving away and busting his back just for a crumb of recognition. Never again. That was before. Before he found out how corrupt and cruel hero society really was. Flugs grip tightened on the syringe.

<p>“The only evil clutches I needed escaping from was from heroes like you.” He jabbed the syringe a little harder than needed in to the man’s arm almost bending the needle.

“You heroes just can’t seem to get it through your thick skulls can you. You guys are the real monsters. Well no point in trying to explain myself since you wont be able to understand anything I say in a few minutes.” Flug had been working nonstop these past few days barely eating or sleeping and so far all the experiments had been failures. Well not complete failures but nothing he could report. The test subjects either turned partly in to the desired animal or liquified from the inside out. But this last batch of serum had to be the one. Flug had altered it one last time and was feeling very positive about its results.

<p>“What do you mean? What was that? What did you inject me with?!” said the hero panic setting in as Flug stood there in silence with a pen and clipboard in hand.

“Dr. Flug please I can help you just -“

The hero’s body began to shake uncontrollably his muscles twitching and spasming. Flug could hear the poping and breaking of the hero’s bones as they began to contort, shrinking and growing bristles all over his body. Flug watched with rapt attention as the transformation ended. Before him strapped to the table no longer a man but a great big pig. The experiments success had Flug jumping for joy. He transferred the good batch into small nine dart like bullets before loading them in to a a small protective durable black case. Finally he could present a fully functioning serum to Blackhat on time.

Speaking of blackhat, Flug hadn’t seen his boss anywhere since he was given the deadline. He wasn’t too worried but it was weird that he hadn’t come down to the lab recently. Blackhat usually liked to stay on top of Flug’s progress. But more than that he just really wanted to see blackhat despite knowing his boss was most likely going to verbally assault him. As embarrassing as it was Flug missed him.He knew he was acting like a love sick fool but these passed few days. All he could think about was blackhat. How his eyes as black as a new moon sky would arrest Flug on the spot with just a glance or how his voice was sensual and gravely, usually the main star in all his fantasies. Flug knew blackhat would never look at him like a lover would but it made his heart skip a beat to imagine it.

Suddenly a pain flared up in flugs right leg as he grabbed on to his work desk narrowly avoiding falling to the ground. His soul mark prickled and throbbed as if someone was poking his mark with a sharp needle. Flug wobbled to his chair needing to sit down as the pain started to get real bad. He put his head down on the desk and took deep calming breaths as he clutched his leg trying to will the pain away. He could hear some one screaming but who? It sounded like a wounded animal. His breathing coming out as small choked sobs. After some time the pain subsided. The cool metal desk a welcome reprieve on his soaked forehead. His chest ached as if someone had ripped out his insides. He needed someone but didn’t know who. Flug could feel the call deep in his soul. The need was so great that he felt as if he might die with out them.

A memory swam across his vision. Blackhat leaning against his desk with his arms folded across his chest laughing at a younger version of himself petulantly.

“I know doctor. I’ve known it since the moment you came here. You think I’m a fool! You think I don’t know everything that happens in my own home.”

Flug watched his younger self stood there in shock of blackhat’s words.”So you knew it was me the whole time and you let me suffer. Why? You hurt when I hurt. I know you do!” Yelled younger Flug hurt and anger marring his voice.

Blackhat walked over to younger Flug, who stood his ground fists clenched head held high, and towered over him in his full height. “Get this through your head human because I’m only going to say it once. There are only two things in this world that I can say without a doubt that I love. Money and power. That will never change. It will never be you. How could I want someone as weak and fragile as you.” He said as he leveled Flug with a look of disdain.

He sat up bringing up his hand and touched his forehead. His head felt fuzzy and light like it might just float away at any second. He slipped his hand under his paper bag. His cheeks were stained with tear streaks. What the heck was that? That conversation never happened. He’d remember if he got humiliatingly rejected by his boss. That’s not just something you just forget. The pain must have been making him hallucinate. Yeah the pain. The pain had never been this bad before. Sure there were flare ups every now and then but nothing that couldn’t be fixed with a little ibuprofen. This was different, more intense. Something had changed he knew it. But what could it have been? He hoped his soulmate wasn’t in any danger or pain wherever they were.

Flug’s train of thought was interrupted by a loud knocking on the lab door. He stood up slowly taking some baby steps just to make sure he was ok before walking over and looking through the peephole. He was met with a wet black nose sniffing the door. Flug righted his paper bag and coat before unlocking the door. He was greeted with a plate of meatloaf and potatoes piled high enough to feed a small family. It smelled wonderful but Flug wasn’t in the mood for food right now. “Desculpa me I guess I must’ve missed dinner again huh?” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. The bear gave him a concerning look as he tried to hand Flug his dinner. Flug shook his head and stepped back. “Gracias pansonchito. But I can’t. You know how I feel about cross contamination.” 505 put on his best puppy eyes trying to get him to give in. “Look I know I haven’t been eating right these past couple of days but I’m finished now and I promise I will eat as soon as I show jefecito the finished serum.” 505 didn’t look convinced but didn’t push. He gave Flug a small smile as he exited the lab taking the plate back to the kitchen. Flug hoped 505 wouldn’t wait up for him again. The poor thing would often like to wait up so they could fall asleep together. Flug often felt guilty for not having enough time for the bear so he vowed to make up for it with presents and handmade treats accompanied by an apology of course. He was evil not made of stone.

He closed the lab door and took a couple of calming breaths before cleaning up. The mess in his lab was starting to drive him crazy. Flug grabbed an ax from the supply closet in the corner of the lab and started chopping up the bodies of the failed experiments in to small pieces. He would’ve liked to ask demencia to throw the bodies into the incinerator for him seeing as he wasn’t strong enough but, that would mean letting her in to the lab which a no. He didn’t need more precious experiments destroyed. Flug threw the severed parts into the incinerator gagging at the putrid smell of burning flesh. He activated the air vents hoping the smell would air out by the morning. Lastly he mopped up the liquified heroes in to a biohazard bin bag and threw them in to the incinerator as well before starting in his own personal lab hygiene for the night.

Flug made his way up to blackhat’s office. It was already pretty late but he knew blackhat would want to know right away. He knocked and waited to be let in. No answer. “Jefe I’ve come with the fully functioning serum ready for distribution.” Still no answer. “Boss?” Flug took it upon himself to just let himself in. The room was empty and no sign of blackhat. It looked as if blackhat hadn’t been in here in a while judging by the mountain of paperwork left undone. Never had Flug seen blackhat neglect business work in all the time he’d been working for him. He just didn’t take days off, didn’t believe in them. The only other place to check would be his room.

Now here was the issue with that. When Flug had started working here blackhat had made it a point of telling him that if he had ever so much as thought Flug had been snooping around in there that he’d eat Flug slow and painfully while he was still living. Flug shuddered at the memory but the deadline still stood and if he disobeyed orders there would be worse consequences than death.

With his mind made up Flug climbed the stairs to the top floor of hat manor. The entire top floor was blackhat’s private chambers. He’d always been curious what the rooms up there contained. What kinds of things did blackhat like to collect? Maybe beautiful and expensive art pieces or books from ancient times with secret knowledge.

Now that Flug thought about it he didn’t really know what kinds of things blackhat liked? Blackhat being a very private person in general never talked about himself just his evil accomplishments. However by just observing him there were something’s he shared without meaning to. Like Flug knew he liked early Jazz from the 1890’s and had no love for sugary things. But not much more than that. A sad pang went through Flug’s chest. How is it that he was in love with a man that he barely even knew despite working with him for so many years?

By the time he reached the top he was trying to breath through his nose as not to alert anyone that he was fighting for his life to not pass out. Exercise had never been Flug’s strength despite being good at running from danger. Why did the manor even have stairs when it was more convenient to have an elevator. Flug figured the stairs were supposed to be more for aesthetic purposes than use since his boss didn’t really need them when he could phase through walls and fly.

This floor of the house was strange to say the least. It looked like he had just walked in to a mirror maze. There were tall black obsidian mirrors lined on the walls in place of where doors should have been. There was markings etched in to the edges of the mirrors in a language Flug couldn’t understand. He could’ve sworn he saw undefined swirling shapes and faces swimming in them. The walls were painted a dark green that had a black marbling pattern on it. As he passed them going forward he tried not to look directly at mirrors afraid that something might just be looking back at him or worse, that something might try to pull him in to the mirror trapping him in there forever. Being the house of a demon Flug didn’t doubt that the mirrors were portals to other dimensions like in the old stories his mother would tell him as a child.

Flug kept walking till he came to a red double door at the end of the hallway. He didn’t know how he knew this was blackhat’s room but he did. Flug steeled his nerves as he brought his hand up to knock when a shouting cry came from inside the room. It sounded like blackhat was in pain. Flug burst through the doors forgoing formalities as he pushed a button on his watch and it transformed in to a tranquilizer gun with bullets so potent they’d knock out and elephant in 15 seconds flat. If there was someone in here they were sure to be flugs next testing subject. But as he looked around there didn’t seem to be any danger from what he could see. Granted he could see very little with the only light being from the hallway. There was a deliciously sweet smell coming from the room. It smelled unlike any pastry he’d ever had before. It was making Flug salivate. The wail came again. It was coming from the bed in the far right corner of the room. He could hear wet slapping sounds as he got closer. The room was so dark that he didn’t see what was happening at first but as his eyes adjusted he could only watch in shock.

Blackhat on his side facing away from Flug as he used both hands to stroke two cocks. His chest and hands were covered in come. Flug quickly tried to back track out of the room quietly but ended up tripping on a discarded shoe on the floor. He fell with a grunt landing on his back.

The room went deadly silent nothing could be heard except for the fast beating of Flug’s heart in his own ears. He had even stopped breathing hoping blackhat would dismiss the noise. Blackhat sat up slowly and looked over his shoulder at Flug. His eyes were an illuminous red like two brightly burning coals raked over an open flame. “Flug?” He said with a confused sort of look. Like he couldn’t be sure if Flug was really their or not. It disturbed Flug a little.

“Perdon boss I was just coming to tell you I completed the serum” blackhat got up from the bed and started walking twords Flug his movements purposeful and unhurried. “but I can see your busy so I’ll just leave.” Flug made a dash for the door barely getting through it when two tentacles wrapped around his stomach pulling him back in to the room so that his back slammed against blackhat’s chest knocking the breath out of him for a second.

“Blackhat I’m sorry I didn’t mean to come up here I was looking for you but couldn’t find you so I thought I’d check your room. Please don’t eat me!” Flug said thrashing to get away and talking so fast as if these might be his last words. Considering the situation they very well just might be. Blackhat brought his hand up to flugs chest the sleek material of his leather gloves feeling warm to the touch as his hand slid up to flugs neck enclosing it in a lose grip. His other arm wrapped around Flugs waist. Flug went still and waited trembling and afraid for blackhat to dish out his punishment. But the harsh words didn’t come and neither did the rough maltreatment.

Blackhat nuzzled the back of his head making soft trilling and purring noises like a cat. What. “Sir? Are you ok?”

Soft lips trailed up the side of Flug’s neck to his ear making his knees almost go weak. Blackhat kissed Flug’s ear through the bag“¿Por qué huyes de mi amor? ¿No ves cuanto te necesito?” he whispered. Flug's whole body shivered.

“Sir I think somethings wrong with you. You don’t seem yourself.” He said only half heartedly trying to get away now.

Blackhat unwound his arm from flugs waist and slid it down to massage the growing bulge in Flug’s pants. Flug gripped blackhat’s wrist more for purchase than to stop him. It felt so good to finally be touched like this by the person he loved most. But he knew this wasn’t right no matter how good it felt.

“Sir please,” he gasped as he tried to pry blackhat’s hand off his crotch. “I really think we should take a look at you. Somethings obviously not right!”

“Don’t worry Flug I’ll make it right this time” blackhat said in a breathy whisper as the hand on his neck slid up under the bag so he could stroke Flug's lips with his thumb.

Flug began to panic not wanting blackhat to see his face. He started to thrash even harder than before but blackhat held him fast. He could feel tentacles already working on taking off his pants. In a last attempt he pressed the button on his watch and shot all the darts into the tentacle wrapped around his waist. He wasn’t sure if it would work but it was the only thing he could think to do. Blackhat hissed as the darts sunk in to his flesh, biting Flug on the shoulder in retaliation to the stinging from the needles. Flug could feel the grip blackhat had on him loosen till he was able to pry himself away and watch as his boss tried to take wobbly steps towards him. A hand outstretched mumbling don’t leave me as legs gave out and he fell. Flug waited a few seconds before checking to see if blackhat was completely out.

Again, what in the hell was that?! Flug looked back on the week to see what could’ve caused such a reaction from his boss. Nothing coming to mind except, except the whole tube of animal changing serum he dumped on him a couple of days ago. But that was supposed to turn you into an animal not alter your brain to being in love with someone you hated. Flug figures he’d have to do some testing on his boss to get to the bottom of this.

He righted blackhat’s pants and shirt before dragging him by the ankles out of the room. Not that there was anyone who would dare comment on the situation but still Flug felt it was the right thing to do.

As he passed the obsidian mirrors flug heard soft laughing and cackling.

“Oh my and he said he’d never complete the bond.”

“Yeah looks like the kid finally remembered how fun!”

“Well the next meeting is sure to be quite enjoyable.”

“Who’s there?”Flug said turning to face the hall of mirrors but saw nothing but only dozens of his own reflection. He turned back around and pulled a little faster not really wanting to find out who was there.

Looking down the stair case Flug had two options. Try to carry blackhat and definitely break his body in the process or an alternative solution.

“Oh well” thought Flug it not like his boss was gonna die from a little fall down the stairs.

#villainous #villanos #paperhat #black hat x dr flug #blackhat #monster x human #writing #tetero #dr flug #monster romance #romance

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warmau · 3 years

Text

☆ko-fi au: nostoligic summer romance!au hanbin find other ikon aus here

the sun burns your shoulders and the skin of your heel. you stand on it and bear the pain as you look down at hanbin, whose face is covered by one of those three-dollar nude magazines

"get up"

"can't you see i am asleep?"

the wind blows some small wisps of hair around your face - somewhere in the distance, you hear junhoe chase a beachball down the shore as jiwon yells for him to race back to the rest of your friends

"hanbin, you are not wasting your summer spread out like this, not doing anything. you are not a piece of seaweed."

"you sound like my mother"

you nudge his elbow with your toe

"did you finish your graduate school application?"

"yeah, im working on it right now looking at -"

he lifts the magazine off his face and flips to a random page, turning it around to face you

averting your gaze you make a sound of disappointment

"the deadline already passed, the school is giving you an extension because they know you'll be a great addition to the program. does that not mean anything to you?"

hanbin lets the next gust of wind pull the magazine from his weak grip and float it pathetically to his left

the silence is his answer in a way and search his face, now that you can see it properly, for anything else

his dark eyes are void and highlighted by a shadow of darkness.

his lips are chapped.

the scratch he got from face planting in the public pool's changing room last weak is still sitting on his cheek only half-hidden under a kids bandage

"hanbin, this is your future"

you whisper it - like it's your future too

maybe because somewhere subconsciously buried in both your chests. you both know it is.

"i know"

you turn around and take his apathy as the final stake in the ground

after years of caring about him, of one-sided adoration hidden behind affectionate and worried friendship

you have learned the hanbin is more stubborn than an ox - especially when he gives up

when you find yourself walking home back alone - the sun still blasting an uncomfortable heat onto your skin - you try to pretend the overwhelming feeling of crying isn't itching its way out

i can't help him forever, especially if he doesn't want to help himself

hanbin calls three days later

"do you want to go fishing with me and jinhwan?"

"fishing?"

"jinhwan said he's trying new hobbies."

you are silent for a second, a part of you wants to explode.

what are you talking about fishing! the application asks you to finish an entire song. to show your effort! who gives a fuck about fishing!

the other part of you is dormant. uninterested.

jinhwan is already a successful editor, maybe he can help hanbin find the right path better than i can.

"no thanks."

you hang up first, something you've never done with hanbin

you're both balanced in that sense - you are usually soft and forgiving and never want to hurt anyone's feelings. you just want to keep helping and helping until there's nothing left of you.

hanbin is more strict - people have to prove themselves to him otherwise he cuts them off without a qualm.

you get a text a few minutes later from jinhwan:

are you and your husband fighting?

my husband? i didn't know i finally married that millionaire from my dreams.

haha im talking about hanbin

you purse your lips. everyone in the world wants 'us' to happen.

no. we're not fighting. he doesn't want to go to grad school.

so?

your fingers hover over the keyboard. right, so what? not like it's your business to run your friend's life.

but that's not it. something is so wrong. hanbin will work on music till his eyes and ears bleed. why is it that composing one little thing for this application that is just going to better his life so hard? why is he so against it?

leaving jinhwan without an answer, you throw yourself on your bed and tell yourself that you have to break this habit

you've been putting hanbin over yourself since you were both young

getting in trouble with him when in reality you'd done nothing but try to stop him from doing something stupid

staying up with him when he'd go through bouts of bad insomnia

shoving your own secrets and pain down to comfort him about his own

you have your own life, goal, and dreams

it's your fault for somehow always imagining that hanbin would want to be part of them

"can you please talk to hanbin again."

jiwon, junhoe, and donghyuk take up the space in your car as you pull into the parking lot of the local mall

you turn the key in the ignition, jiwon and junhoe are sitting far apart in the back seat, still managing to look cramped and donghyuk looks at you sympathetically from the passenger side

"im not avoiding him."

"you're totally avoiding him."

again. you want to explode and also say nothing at all. why are there expectations on you as his friend and not the other way around?

"have you guys asked him about his grad school application? you all have your futures planned - and he's lost."

jiwon pops his bubble gum at the worst possible moment and junhoe looks awkward without an answer to come out of his big mouth.

donhyuk puts a hand on your shoulder

"he didn't just give up, you know."

you snort, "it looked that way to me."

opening the door, you step out and tell the little voice in your head that wonders out loud if hanbin needs your help to please shut up

it's two days before the extension deadline. you know this because it pops up as a reminder on your google calendar and you grumble as you delete it.

having his deadlines on my schedule like he's my goddamn boyfriend or something.

you want to enjoy your summer before you go back to school too, so you dig out a big t-shirt and bathing suit to take to the pool

only when you sling the shirt over yourself do you pick at the worn fabric and groan

this is hanbin's isn't it? the coffee stain at the bottom is totally his signature.

someone knocks on the door of your room, half expecting a family member you open it without caution and nearly throw it shut when you see hanbin in the frame

the only thing that stops you from doing so is the look of utter desperation on his face

"hanbin? when is the last time you slept?"

he breaths through his nose and mumbles maybe three or four days ago

you pull him into your room and shut the door, you try to examine him for any other signs of fatigue but he looks otherwise the same

skinny, slightly hunched over and more beautiful than you could ever say out loud in fear of dying on the spot of embarrassment

"is it your insomnia? do you need to go to the doc-"

"i can't compose the song."

you wave your hand to dismiss the sentence, "that doesn't matter right now. you have to take care of your health first and-"

"i can't stop thinking about you."

suddenly irritated with his tone - you snap under the weight of it all

"you cannot blame your inability to finish this application or giving up or not sleeping on me. just because we haven't spoken in a bit-"

"that's not what i meant."

you cross your hands over your chest, you can feel a fire unlike any other of anger lick up your spine

if he is going to pin this on me somehow im going -

"i love you."

"are you crazy?"

you blurt out your words before you really even hear his own. you were expecting him to start spinning some elaborate tale about how not seeing you or you avoiding him had somehow damaged him further

but this is hanbin, and you admit that never has he put the blame on you without you taking it on willingly

so you blink past the initial shock and ask him to repeat himself

he straightens his bad posture, looks at you and sees past the surface level

"i love you. it's making everything else a blur, so i need to tell you."

"you- you should have told me before."

"i thought you'd slap me." he laughs weakly, but it is forced "or that you'd think i was lying to get you off my back about the application."

you soften, your hands uncross and you drop the defensive look on your face

hanbin runs a line from your eyes to your knees

"are you wearing my shirt?"

"i love you too."

the spell of dread that seems to have clung itself into every nook and cranny of hanbin's existence seems to be exorcised when you say those words to him

like a light has entered the part of him that has been pitch black for weeks now

he doesn't kiss you right after you say it, he kisses you two days later when he submits his application with a song he spent thirteen hours on creating

the song is about that light, the kind of easy feeling of being put into the right puzzle with the right person

that's when he kisses you - when he meets the deadline - and you throw your arms around him and the world starts rotating in the right direction again

summer is still left over for you two to enjoy, you rush around the beach with your friends, you go fishing with jinhwan who decides he hates it at some point, and you spend whatever minute you can with hanbin

even if you're with others, your hands are always glued together. you look at him when you think he's distracted. he looks at you regardless, unashamed of the teasing that comes your way

'it finally happened! they realized they're perfect for each other!'

and when you're alone with your legs tangled with his and hanbin's nervous, soft mouth on the slope of your back. that same uncapped love bursts from both of you.

when summer dwindles and hanbin gets an email about his application

he celebrates by pressing you up against the desk and nearly toppling his laptop over

"can i ask you something?" he plays with a strand of your hair after as the sweat sticks you two together "were you so adamant about me getting into grad school because you love me or-"

you rest your chin on his chest and sigh

"yes, but because it'll help you achieve your dreams. and it'll give you a future that's stable. a future that i want for you and-"

you get shy, tucking your face into his skin

"and?"

he asks, but you just kiss him instead.

when it's ten years after - and hanbin has become successful in ways he had never dreamed

you are successful in your own right too

you're equals and your lives are full of each other and your work and everything else

and hanbin realizes when he's looking at rings by himself after work one day what you wanted to say all that time ago

you wanted him to have a good future so that it could tie in with yours

he reminds himself to ask you when he gets home, by what age had you already planned the wedding?

he expects you will stick your tongue out at him when he does, and you do, but he doesn't expect you to cry for half an hour when he pulls the little box out of his pocket.

#nostalgia au #hanbin au #hanbin scenarios #b.i au #b.i scenarios #hanbin #b.i #ikon au #ikon imagines #ikon scenarios #ko fi commissions #slightly suggestive

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hangovercurse · 3 years

Text

Midterm Season

You have exams coming up and Colson isn’t happy about it at all

Request: “you should do one where the person is studying and colson is distracting her very fluffy”

Colson x Reader

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: As someone who has 3 exams in the next 2 weeks, I could use some of this rn

Word count 1242

masterlist

Colson was very proud of you. He loved that his girlfriend was getting a master’s degree. Every chance he got, he’d talk about you and how smart you were and how hard you worked.

But he also hated every minute of it. Because every moment you were studying or at class or working to pay for class, you weren’t spending with him. He especially hated when exams came around, because you wouldn’t come out of your office for basically a whole week.

And guess what time it was. Midterms. By day 3 Colson was basically dying from touch starvation. You had 2 exams on Friday and another the following Tuesday, so to say you were stressed out was an understatement. And Colson’s whining wasn’t helping your mood.

For the fifth time that day he walked into the room, leaning in the door frame. “How’s it going, babe?”

You didn’t even look up at him, too focused on the textbook in front of you. “It’s going, Cols. Just like it was an hour ago.” You didn’t mean to be short with him, but he was really getting on your nerves. If you didn’t pass these exams, you could end up an entire semester behind, which means you would miss the hiring spree that happened after spring graduation. You couldn’t afford any distractions, but that’s all Colson wanted to be.

You didn’t see his shoulders slump at your words. He walked further into the room, flopping onto the futon that laid behind you and pulling out his phone. “Colson, I can’t entertain you right now.” You sighed, flipping between two textbook pages to try and compare diagrams with text.

He frowned, looking up at you. “I just wanna spend time with you. I know you’re busy but I thought I could at least sit in the same room as you.” He mumbled, trying to remind himself that you weren’t mad at him, just the world.

You didn’t respond, just kept taking notes from your book. Colson would occasionally chuckle at something on his phone, and after the fourth time you wanted to take it from him and throw it across the room. “I can’t focus when you’re in here, Colson.” You sighed, angrily. “Seriously, can you get out? I really need to do well on these tests so I need to study.”

“Babe, I’m literally just sitting here.” You stared at him blankly. “So you’re saying that my presence is bothering you?”

“Your words, not mine.” You sighed, turning back to your notes. A part of your brain knew you were being unreasonable, he wasn’t really doing any harm by being there. He just happened to be the only thing nearby you could take your stress out on.

Colson wanted to get mad at you, tell you that you were being cold. But he also knew that he put you through this whenever he had an album deadline, so he understood. So, he swallowed his pride and walked over to you, wrapping his arms around your neck. “Colson, what are you doing? I just told you I need to focus.”

He pressed a kiss to the side of your head, “I know, but you’ve been studying for almost 72 hours straight. You need a break.” You rolled your eyes, focusing back on your material. Colson sighed when he realized you were just going to ignore him. “Please take a break? For me?” He pleaded, tilting his head to try and find your eyes, but you were still staring at your textbook.

“Let me finish this chapter, then I’ll take a small break.” You were lying, but you thought if you told him that, then he would leave you alone. It didn’t work.

“Nope.” He mumbled, lips pressing into your hair again. “We’re gonna make dinner together and then you can go back to pretending I don’t exist.” You didn’t acknowledge his words, flipping a page.

He grumbled, moving around to stand on the side of the chair and wrapping an arm around your middle. In an instant he picked you up bridal style, much to your dismay. “Colson, stop.” You tried to push him off of you, but he was much stronger than you. He laughed, walking you out to the kitchen. “Colson, this isn’t funny, put me down.”

He finally set you down on the kitchen counter, his arms wrapping around your middle. You pushed his chest, a frown on your face. “You know I have to work, why are you being so fucking needy?”

He tilted his head, a smile on his face, “you’re really cute when you’re mad, you know?”

You rolled your eyes, trying to push him away from you once again. “I don’t do this when you’re working on music, why can’t you just leave me alone for a few hours?” His smile was only making you more upset. “You’re not even taking this seriously, Cols. This is really important to me and its like you don’t even care. I can’t entertain you every goddamn minute.”

His eyebrows furrowed, getting serious. “Babe, I do care that this is important to you, but I care about your health more. I don’t think I’ve seen you ingest anything that isn’t caffeine or pretzels for three days. You won’t take care of yourself, so I have to. And if that means you getting mad at me, so be it.”

You rolled your eyes, shoulders slumping. “I can take care of myself later. But there won’t be a me to take care of if I don’t pass these classes.”

Colson sighed, hands grabbing yours, “baby, your grades don’t define you. Okay? One bad test isn’t gonna ruin your life. Yeah, it’ll suck, but it’s nothing you can’t overcome.” He kissed your forehead.

You leaned your head against his chest, letting out a defeated sigh. “I just really want to get a good job and I won’t get a good job if I don’t graduate on time. And I won’t graduate on time if I don’t pass these classes and I won’t pass these classes if I don’t study.”

He nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. “Y/N Y/L/N, you are the smartest person I know. Just being in grad school is an accomplishment. On top of that you are an amazing girlfriend, an amazing pseudo-mom, and the most amazing person I’ve ever met. Any employer would be lucky to have you.” Colson tilted your head up with his hand, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips. “But you gotta live long enough to get employed, and that’s not gonna happen if coffee rips a hole in your stomach.”

You nodded, a frown still on your face. “I’m sorry I was being so mean earlier.” You grumbled.

Colson chuckled, backing away from you and towards your cupboards, “I’ll forgive you if you make dinner with me. And come to bed before 3am tonight.”

You sighed, hopping off the counter, “I suppose I could sacrifice one night for you.” You walked over to the stovetop, where he was placing a pot on the burner. You wrapped your arms around him, head resting against his back. “I love you.”

He smiled and turned to face you, wrapping his arms around your waist, and picking you up. You giggled and wrapped your legs around his middle, hands clinging to the back of his neck. He pressed quick pecks all over your face, “I love you too.”

#mgk #mgk imagine #mgk angst #mgk fluff #machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly imagine #Colson baker #colson x reader #colson baker imagine #colson baker fluff

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gifted-burnout-archive · 4 years

Text

The Other Side of Hollywood

Part Seven

Word Count: 5.2K+

Author’s Note: I KNOW THE GIF IS FROM EPISODE ONE BUT I WANTED TO USE IT EARLIER AND FORGOT SO HAVE IT NOW INSTEAD!!! And I couldn’t find the time to make my own gif of Luke in that suit today so you’ll get it tomorrow with the finale. Also, I am genuinely concerned for Willie in the real show so I did us all a favour and changed a thing or two.

Warning: threatening language, more jolts, sad stuff.

Linkaroonies - One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Masterlist and Y/N Moodboard.

The plan wasn’t exactly simple… But desperate times call for desperate measures, and the band really had no other choice.

After Julie’s rousing speech the night before, planning quickly began: what the boys had been struggling over for a week was quickly solved when they were reminded by Julie of their number one strength. Being ghosts. And after Willie stopped by to check in and promised to get rid of the opening act for Panic! At The Disco overnight, and after he assured them no-one would be hurt, maimed, or made into a ghost themselves in the process, he vanished and promised to report back by morning.

It’s how Alex, Reggie and Luke found themselves standing outside the Orpheum the next day, impatient in their wait for Willie’s return while Julie paced her way around the studio at home.

“Look, don’t worry guys, Willie said he’d get us on that marquee.” Alex assured, his eyes travelling up to the neon blue sign.

“This gonna work, right?” Reggie asked, glancing over at his bandmates, his brothers, with a look of worry. They were riding on Willie’s help, and after he disappeared last night, all that was left for them to do was plan a show that might not happen.

“It has too.” Luke said with a sigh, before all three of them were suddenly hit with another jolt. It sent them doubling over, the pain getting more intense and more frequent the closer they seemed to come to the week’s end – they were on a deadline.

“Hey, you guys ok?” A voice asked behind them, Willie appearing out of the thin air, quickly looking around himself as if someone was missing. He seemed confused, but quickly looked back to the three guys in front of him.

“Yeah.” Alex answered after the trio shared a glance. “Yeah, it’s nothing we haven’t felt before… How’d it go?” He asked, and Willie smiled.

“Well, when that opening band wakes up, they’re gonna find their bus 200 miles outside of Vegas with no chance of getting back in time.” Willie turned to show the jacket he had nabbed from the band that was meant to be supporting P!ATD that night, turning back around and receiving a fist bump from Luke. Another whoosh sounded from behind Willie, Luke’s smile immediately fading away while Alex and Reggie looked surprised.

“You know, that means there’s probably a promoter upstairs right about now freaking out.” Y/N smiled, Willie looking at her with a proud expression. “Hey Reggie.” She said with a wave of her fingers, the boy waving back. “Alex.” She nodded. “… Denim. Like the fleece.” She complimented, earning a snicker from Alex, who quickly stopped with a glance at Luke…

He had never seen him look so angry.

“What is she doing here?” Luke asked Willie, only to be interrupted by a jangle of keys, the item finally through the air and forcing Luke to instinctively catch them. A set of keys, and by the stickers and keyring, it seemed like they were the keys for the tour bus currently stuck in the middle of the desert.

“I told you last night I wanted to help… And Willie can’t drive. Not as well as I can anyway.” She explained herself quickly, and it became clear why Willie was so pleased: Y/N seemed to have switched sides.

“Thanks, Y/N…” Reggie said after a moment, earning a scowl from Luke. “What? She helped!” He defended himself, and Y/N just smiled at the bassist.

“It’s alright Reg.” She promised. “I wouldn’t be forgiving me either…” Y/N’s eyes fell to the ground, her shoes scuffing against the sidewalk. “The things you’ll do for family, right?” She muttered, loud enough for only Luke to really hear. It left him confused for a moment, not quite sure what she meant, and the silence that followed was quickly broken by Willie.

“You, know, I might have to disagree, Y/N. From what I’ve seen, Hollywood promoters are super chill in the face of… Problems.” Willie said with a chuckle, and Y/N smiled softly, bringing up a hand and messing with his hair.

“Good luck tonight, guys… I mean that.” She said with a final glance at the boys before her, all looking a little more hopeful than the night before, before disappearing into the air. Alex took a few steps forward to Willie once the air had settled again, pulling him aside from Reggie and Luke, who quickly caught on and backed away a little.

“I know…” Alex paused, taking a breath, clasping and unclasping his hands. “How much you’re risking…” His eyes finally met Willie’s, who was smiling bright and sweet. “Thank you, Willie.”

“I told you, I’d do anything for you.” Willie responded with a shrug, meaning the words he spoke. Alex hesitated for a moment, almost tempted to end it there, but his heart got the better of him, pulling Willie into a tight hug.

They held onto each other for a moment, Alex knowing that if something went wrong, it might just be the last time he got to see the skater. Willie was quick to hug back, his head going into the crook of Alex’s neck, his eyes closing as he breathed in, trying to retain Alex’s faint smell of dust and old cologne.

“Right…” Alex pulled away first, patting Willie’s shoulder before taking a step back, clearing his throat. “You uh… You’d better get out of here before Caleb catches you with us.”

“Yeah…” Willie nodded, a poof of air landing his skateboard in his hands. “I’ll see you around, hot dog.” He smiled, and Alex smiled back for a moment: it’s the first time Willie had used the nickname since the club, since all this chaos began.

Willie dropped his board to the ground, Alex watching him skate away as his friends came back to his side, Reggie placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Alex, you all right, man?” He asked, genuinely concerned, but Alex shrugged him off and nodded, turning to face his bandmates with a small smile, sad in nature.

“Yeah… Yeah, I’m ok.”

“Well…” Luke started. “Thanks to Willie, Panic! At The Disco needs an opening band.” The attention was brought back to the job at hand, Luke ignoring Reggie’s addition of “And Y/N…”.

“Then I guess someone up there needs to know we’re available.” Alex smiled, his friends smiling right back as they poofed away in unison, only to land two storeys above in an office, where a very angry man was shouting down a phone.

“Stop… Stop saying the bus drove itself!” The man yelled, banging the phone against the desk in the hope to release some of his frustration, while his assistant watched on with a sigh.

“Yeah, Willie was right… This guy’s a total pro.” Reggie whispered, the sarcasm clear, and earning a chuckle from a decreasingly less grumpy Luke.

“All right, boys. Let the magic happen.” Luke announced, before feigning a stern expression. “Alex, no dancing!” He commanded, prompting the blond boy to jump and raise his arms like a ballerina.

Alex danced his way over to the far side of the assistant’s desk with poise and grace that left both Reggie and Luke near tears from laughter as they followed him. With a twirl a flick of his wrist, Alex knocked a pencil holder to the floor, and in a mad rush of Alex writing and Luke directing Reggie in finding their YouTube video from the week before, the boys stepped back as the assistant lifted herself and the fallen object back to the desk.

She was surprised to find a video playing on her screen when she sat back up, and quickly scrolled down to see who exactly this band were, even more surprised by their amazing sound.

“Tasha!” Her boss called to the assistant, who glanced up from her laptop. “Get me CJ. Tell him I need a band to open in 3 hours.” He demanded, and she grinned.

“Sure, but you might want to check this out.” Tasha sat back, continuing to watch the video as her boss hurried over, and Alex couldn’t help but chuckle as the boys watched the scene unfold before them. “Somehow this video started playing on my laptop. It’s got 4 million hits in just a week.”

“Who are they?” He asked, shocked, and Tasha scrolled down the page.

“They’re a hologram band. They call themselves Julie and the Phantoms.” She read out.

“Tell your friends.” Reggie instinctively replied.

“Where are they located?” He asked quickly, and she smiled even wider.

“Our very own City of Angels.”

“Then book ‘em!” Her boss demanded, the boys sharing a cheer.

“Sure, I just don’t know how to…” Tasha trailed off, her eyes falling onto a post-it note, right there on her desk, bearing a number alongside the band’s name.

“Your handwriting is better than mine…” Luke mumbled, earning a pat on the back and nod from Alex before the three vanished, headed home to find Julie and tell her the good news.

“Oh my God!” Was the first thing they head when they landed, Julie having spent most her day pacing the studio: by the looks of it, she had worn down the carpet. “What took you guys so long?! Did Willie do it? Did you talk to them? Did they watch? Did they like us? Are we playing tonight? Can someone answer me? Why’s no-one talking-”

“Whoa, that’s a lot of questions!” Reggie interrupted, allowing Julie a chance to catch her breath. “Luke, you wanna take this one?” He suggested, and Luke turned to face Julie with a smile.

“Take a seat.” He instructed, and Julie’s sat back on the couch she had been too anxious to stay on earlier, while the boys found themselves kneeling on the other side of the table. Atop it, sat Julie’s phone. “It’s fine. Everything’s fine.” Luke said with a smile.

“Yeah. Willie and Y/N took care of the other band, and we saw them watch the video.” Julie smiled a little at the mention of Y/N’s name, glad the ghost-girl she had become so close to over the last week was on their side. “You should be getting a call right… Now!” Alex explained, pointing to the phone and everyone leaned forward. When the screen stayed blank, he cleared his throat and tried again. “Right… Now!” He pointed a second time, this time the action followed by the screen lighting up with an unknown number, the boys high-fiving. “Nailed it…”

“The phone!” The boys quickly realised Julie was yet to answer after a moment had passed, and she quickly grabbed her mobile, the room going silent as she answered.

“Hello?” She said softly, the tension thick in the air as they waited.

“Hi, this is Tasha from the Orpheum…”

Y/N had always been Willie’s best friend. If anything, she was more like his over-protective younger sister. From the moment he arrived at the club, she was watching out for him, keeping him safe, and she intended to keep doing that, whatever the cost. Even if it led to her handing over the boy she liked on a silver platter with his bandmates to Caleb. Even if it meant spending eternity being hated by the people she wanted most to like her, Willie included.

Because, when all is said and done, Y/N would do anything to protect her family.

“Why so blue, sunset?” Caleb asked as he walked into the club to find her keeping up with her daily chores: scrubbing away at the floor until Caleb could see his reflection on the wood. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready for the big dance number tonight?”

“I don’t want to perform anymore. Not for you.” Y/N muttered, getting up from the floor to sort herself out with some fresh water, a hand coming to her shoulder. “You know, the only time I’ve ever enjoyed anything to do with music was when I sang with Luke? With the band you want so badly to tear away from Julie. My friend?”

“They aren’t your friends, Y/N… I’m your friend.” Caleb corrected, gesturing for Y/N to set down the bucket and sit, which she did without hesitation. “I’m also the friend who owns your soul, owns your best friend’s soul.” He reminded, and Y/N sighed. “So, you do what I say. I say I want you on my stage tonight, that’s where you’ll be. Got it?” He snapped, and Y/N quickly nodded. “Good. Now, what have they been up to since we last spoke?”

“They’ve figured out their unfinished business… They plan to finish it tonight.” She reported back, and Caleb froze. “You’re too late.”

“The lifer’s address. Give it to me.” Caleb demanded, and Y/N stood up, taking steps towards backstage, only to be hit by a jolt that sent her to her knees.

“Caleb please… Please just let this go, let Willie go. Reconsider.” She begged, coughing through her words to try and lessen the pain in her chest.

“I OWN YOU!” Caleb yelled. “You do what I say! Now,” He snapped his fingers, changing from a suit into a tuxedo and top hat combo. “Tell me where they are.” With a roll of his hand, he offered Y/N a pen and paper.

As she wrote down Julie’s address, Y/N could only hope that the boys were already at the Orpheum, already with Julie and ready to play again. He smiled as she scrawled the address down, snatching the paper back and closing his eyes as he disappeared, leaving Y/N to recover, to change…

To get ready for another show.

“Julie and I were thinking we start with Stand Tall.” Luke suggested, he, Alex and Reggie gathered around the grand piano in the studio, deciding the final order of the songs. He looked up to find both his bandmates rather out of it, and frowned.

“Perfect.” Alex said with a quick nod.

“Sounds good.” Reggie added with a sigh.

“Sounds good?” Luke asked, looking between the two like he was missing something. “Dude wake up! I wanna hear ‘it sounds awesome’!” Luke said with vigour, trying to pump up his friends, before letting his shoulders drop. “I know this isn’t how we wanted things to turn out, but we gotta be all in tonight.” He reminded them. “This is our second chance at playing the Orpheum!”

“I… I get it, I get it, but it’s hard.” Reggie said in a soft voice, melancholic and sincere. “Do we even know what’s on the other side when we cross over? Do we all still get to hang together? You…” Reggie paused, his shoulders slumping. “You guys are the only family I have.”

“Yeah, I mean, I don’t know what’s going to happen either, but… It’s not like we have a choice.” Alex said softly, reaching to place a hand on Reggie’s shoulder when another jolt hit the three, sending them doubling over.

It was worse this time, a lot worse, the pain no longer in their side but the centre of their chest, almost like the jolts had been travelling this whole time towards their hearts. Each was having to find support from the piano to simply stand up at all, and as the pain started to fade from their chests, it relocated to their wrists where the stamps marked their skin.

“I’m pretty sure we do… And it rhymes with the Hollywood Ghost Club.” Reggie said with malice in his voice as he rubbed his wrist, his friends sharing the same thought as the garage doors opened, Julie walking in and pausing at the unhappy looks on her friends’ faces.

“Are you ready?” She asked before fully registering the situation, her smile quickly dropping. “What’s wrong?” She asked, holding on tighter to her dress, stored neatly in a clothing bag. The boys did their best to hide the level of pain they were in, Alex brushing it off with a light chuckle and smile.

“Yeah. We just got rocked pretty hard by one of those jolt things.” He explained with a shrug, leading the walk over to their friend, their bandmate, their leading lady.

“Pretty sure I ghost peed a little.” Reggie added with a forlorn look, Alex glancing over and rolling his eyes at the comment.

“We’re fine though.” Luke smiled. “How are you doing?” He asked, noticing the way his friend wringed her hands round the coat hanger.

“I’m a little nervous actually.” She admitted with a slight laugh. She was, after all, about to play the Orpheum, one of the most well-known stages in LA. She hung the dress on the door quickly, rubbing her hands against the denim of her jeans.

“Julie, you’ll be amazing, as always.” Reggie reminded, receiving nods of agreement from the other guys, easing Julie’s nerves slightly.

“Can… Can I ask a favour?” She said softly, looking at the three idiots who had become part of her family, who had become her home.

“Anything, Julie. You know that.” Luke smiled, and Julie nodded, looking down at her toes and taking a breath.

“When you guys cross over, if…” Julie swallowed, and Alex took a step closer in concern. “If any of you happen to see my mom, can you tell her I love her… and thank her for bringing you to me?” She asked softly, sad smiles being shared between the four: it was a request the boys most definitely hoped to keep for her.

“We will.” Alex said softly, on behalf of the three of them, and Luke cleared his throat.

“Guys, band circle.” He ordered, the four coming together and joining hands where possible. “We don’t know what brought us here, but what we do know is… You’re a star, Julie.” Luke smiled at her, a feeling of pride swelling in him the boys no doubt shared: she was their Julie, and the last months had changed them all. “And just because this is our last night together, it doesn’t mean we won’t be watching you from above… or…” Luke glanced down at the floor with a light chuckle, earning scoffs from his bandmates. “Now let’s go rock this show, and give them a night they’ll be talking about until the sun comes up.” He jumped a little with the words, and more laughs were shared. “Legends on three.” Luke said finally, putting his hand into the circle’s centre.

“One.” Alex responded immediately, his hand landing on top of Luke’s.

“Two.” Reggie followed with a dopey smile and a shrug.

“… Three.” Julie finished, all four raising their hands with a cry of ‘Legends!’, quickly followed by Julie’s dad Ray beeping his horn. “That’ll be my dad. He’s driving me there, so I’ll see you guys soon.” She smiled at the three of them, grabbing her dress and jogging out the door and down the driveway to where her dad waited.

The guys watched the leave before drifting around the room, taking it all in for one last time. While Reggie and Alex got lost in their own dazes, Luke’s eyes travelled to the couch, his mind replaying the sound of Y/N’s voice when she sang with them the week before. The feelings of her head on his thigh, the way her laugh vibrated through her body into his, the way their hands felt interlocked.

“Take it in boys, it’s the last time we’ll see this place.” Luke said under his breath, but Reggie and Alex heard him. They were thinking the same thing.

“And where is it that you think you’re going?” The voice came first, followed by a flash and Caleb, who lounged on the grand piano before the boys in a top hat and tuxedo. He seemed to radiate evil now that they knew what and who Caleb really was, so obviously they felt stupid for not realising before.

“What are you doing here?” Luke asked in a growl, stepping in front of Reggie and Alex, ready to take on the first round with the man who was trying to enslave them for the rest of time.

“Such hostility!” Caleb said with a tut and a gasp, shaking his head. “I’m just here to congratulate you on your big night.” He let out a chuckle. “Not everyone gets to play the Orpheum!”

“No. Ok, we know that it’s your stamp that’s hurting us.” Luke informed as he pulled his sleeve up to show the stamp, the branding, on his wrist. “We already told you, we have a band. We don’t want to join your little club.”

“Yeah, and you can’t make us either…” Alex built up the courage to back up Luke, but after a glance and raised eyebrow from Caleb, he cleared his throat. “Sir.”

“Right! You’re crossing over tonight. So exciting!” Caleb whispered, the dramatic facial expressions just emphasising his sarcasm. “Funny thing about the cross over, no-one really knows what’s waiting on the other side.” He told them with a wave of the hand and an evil smirk, tapping the brim on his hap. “But I know what’s happening on this side.” With a pressing of his hand to his mouth, Caleb blew a kiss and sent the boys spiralling…

Only to land straight up somewhere unfortunately familiar, dressed in new clothes and armed with their instruments. It wasn’t the first thing Luke noticed as he landed though, no… What came first was the noise.

“You told me you would help them, Y/N!” It was Willie’s voice shouting, which surprised Luke most considering that he had never met someone so friendly, so chilled out. As his eyes focused, his view of the pair became clearer, Y/N stood before them in a stunning deep green dress, a single tear trailing down her cheek as Willie yelled. “You lied, and you lied again! How could you do this to them, to me?!”

“I didn’t have another option Will…” Her voice wobbled; her eyes red as she did her best not to sob. Y/N looked broken, reaching out for a pacing Willie but never quite getting to hold him. “I picked the lesser of two-”

“What did you get in return, huh? The penthouse suite?! Control over the work rota?!” Willie asked. “What did he give you this time to do his dirty work, Y/N?” Willie asked, his head turning and stopping dead as he spotted the three boys, stumbling back and hitting the floor. “No, no…”

“Well, don’t they look nice?” Caleb’s voice led five pairs of eyes to his descending the staircase, now dressed in a purple sequin tail coat, filing his nails as the boys looked over themselves, the tuxedos they had been put into.

“Sweet threads..” Reggie managed, earning a smile from Caleb.

“How… How’d you know our size?” Alex asked, glancing over, and seeing Willie for the first time, his heart breaking at the sight of him.

“That’s your question?” Luke snapped, though Alex was now preoccupied, and his eyes fell on Caleb with a glare, before passing over to Y/N. She looked beautiful in spite of her tear stained cheeks and paler than normal complexion. He hadn’t noticed it earlier that day, nor the night before: but she did look sick.

“I know you boys aren’t my biggest fans.” Caleb said with a tut and a sigh, gesturing as he spoke. “And an eternity at my club might seem overwhelming. But… I just put you in sweet threads, so humour me this one last pitch.” He handed off the nail file, taking a few steps back and taking both Willie and Y/N by the arms, bringing them both to his sides. “Now, first off, isn’t it nice that you’re all here together? And believe me, thanks to Y/N, everything you want, including Willie,” He nodded to Alex, “Including Y/N,” His gaze settled back on Luke, giving the two uncomfortable teens at his side a squeeze. “It’s here. And on my stage, you don’t vanish when the music stops. You soak in the applause for as long as you want. The connection that you will feel with that audience,” Caleb dropped his hands from Y/N and Willie, walking forward and straightening Luke’s bow tie. “It will be like no other.” He smiled a little. “I promise.”

“I’m so sorry-”Y/N began to apologise, this time her gaze directed towards Luke, but Caleb shushed her.

“Do you hear that? They’re waiting for you.” Caleb stated as cheers began from out in the audience, viewers ready for a show. The boys were suddenly hit by another jolt, curling up at the pain, only to hear a female whimper, and a thud, eyes following Y/N as she slumped down to the ground. “That one looked like it hurt.” Caleb said with a shrug, walking back towards the stage. “Now, let me remind you, you don’t know if playing the Orpheum is your unfinished business. Do you really have time to make that mistake? I suggest you accept my offer because the clock is ticking.” Caleb lifted a glass of champagne and took a sip as another jolt ran through the boys, this time they witnessed it run through Y/N as well. “You know where to find me.”

As Caleb’s music started up in the background, Willie helped pull Y/N to her feet despite his anger, the girl gripping onto his arm and pulling up the sleeve.

“Y/N, what are you-” Willie asked, trying to pull away when he saw his stamp begin to glow, and like magic lift off of his arm. The boys watched on in amazement, Willie’s stamp shattering in the air into nothing, leaving the skin on Willie’s wrist clear.

“You were working for him all along…” Luke muttered, and Y/N looked up, holding tight to Willie.

“He gave me an offer… Either you three died and Willie was destroyed along with you… Or you all lived, with the bonus of Willie… Winning back his soul.” Y/N explained, suddenly feeling dizzy.

“The things we do for family…” Luke muttered, finally understanding what she had said before.

“I’m so sorry I did this…” Y/N groaned and held a hand to her head, sitting herself down on the floor as the words of Caleb’s song floated around her head, as she watched Alex begin to twirl a drumstick between his fingers and Reggie bounce to the track’s beat. “Willie you need to leave… Go somewhere safe.”

“The studio…” Alex suggested absentmindedly, before he disappeared in to a puff of smoke, only to reappear on the stage by the drum kit.

“You’ll be safe there…” Y/N promised, and with a final glance back at the stage, Willie left the Hollywood Ghost Club a free man for the first time ever.

“Y/N, are you alright?” Luke asked, Reggie disappearing from his side as he knelt down to see to the girl clutching her head. Reggie’s infamous bass lines began to resonate around the room, and Luke felt his fingers itching to play, felt his body dying to be on the stage.

His heart wanted to stay, with Y/N…

“Now Luke.” Caleb called from the stage, Luke’s hands working with a mind of their own as they began to play, his legs pulling him from Y/N’s body as the temptation took over.

The moment Luke’s feet crossed over the threshold of side lines to stage, a cosmic shift occurred with the completion of Y/N’s deal. To the sound of guitar riffs and drum beats, Y/N’s mind was filled with memories of a life she never knew, of a life Caleb stole from her…

Of a life Caleb took away.

The boys hadn’t arrived… They didn’t get to cross over. The jolts got them first.

The fears circled through Julie’s brain as she ran from Flynn and Rob, the tech manager, fleeing out the Orpheum’s side door onto the alleyway. As she broke through the doorway, her feet came to a slow stop, recovering from the run. Julie looked to her left, her right, and finally to the sky as the cold night air set in, traffic passing by on the main road, the blue glow of the Orpheum’s catching on driving cars. And, like that, Julie just felt angry. Like the world had turned its back on her and stolen the people she loved over and over again.

“I don’t know if you can hear me, Mom, but…” Julie started, cut off for a moment by a soft sob. “I can’t handle it.” She admitted to air. “You know, Flynn says you’re supposed to be behind everything, but I don’t know… If I was supposed to help the guys, I didn’t.” Another sob racked her body, and Julie tilted her head back. “They’re gone and I’m so sorry… They were my friends, my band… My family.” She sniffed at the thought, wiping her tears away with her hands. “Why can’t you just come pick me up and… and hold me in your arms and just tell me that everything’s gonna be ok and that I’m gonna get through it?” Her voice cracked at the thought, and Julie took a shaky breath. “And tell me that even though they’re not here with me, they’re still up there with you. I just… I just wish you were here.” Julia sighed, her head dropping down as she finished, a passer-by stopping by her side.

She looked the poor girl over, dressed like a popstar in a back alley, crying to someone who was no longer there, and felt the deepest movement of sympathy within her. Without thinking much of it, she held out one of her newly bought dahlias to the young girl, who accepted it with surprise, and made her way home.

Julie looked at the flower, the sign she had been waiting for, and turned towards the side entrance of the Orpheum, her glance triggering a gust of wind to throw the doors open and send a picture from a pinboard by the entrance off of its pin, floating down to the ground. Picking the photo up from the floor, Julie felt even warmer inside, immediately noticing the face in the centre of the picture. Even twenty five years younger, her mother had the same smile and hair and eyes, she threw her head back to laugh in the same way.

That’s what the photo was: her mom in that same jacket Julie wore that night, holding tightly to her friends as they posed for the photo. Her mom wasn’t centre though, instead it was a girl in a birthday hat, her smile bright as he held a hand to her chest and another over the third friend’s shoulder.

“Rosalee…”

Julie, with her dahlia in one hand and the photo in the other, marched back down the stairs and back to stage side where Flynn and Rob were trying to co-ordinate and get Brendon Urie on stage. Instead, Julie stopped for a moment by Flynn’s side, a smile on her face as she brandished the flower like a sword and pressed the photo to Flynn’s chest.

“Signs.” She said simply, walking on stage without hesitation, which prompted Flynn to look down at what she had been handed by her best friend.

A photo of Julie’s mom, about twenty something years younger, beside the girl Flynn had seen flickering at the party as she sang with the band.

A photo of Rose and Y/N… From 1995.

Part Eight (The End) is here...

Tags: @im-a-writer-right @elioelioeli0 @jenjen889 @walkingonshunshine @parkeret @lolychu @leahstypewriter @j-mar-memester @sunsetcurve-h @musicconversedance @gracefulpenguin @shae-is-not-ok @talksoprettyjjx @smol-book-nerd @lord-of-the-fried @siennanoelle01 @deadpoolgirl23 @theatricalfangirl @deepsleepnat @hhyunj1n @lovesanimals @oswin05 @ifilwtmfc @crappy-unicorn @eries45 @noncannonships @tenaciousperfectionunknown @theorangestofjuices @oopsiedoopsie23 @elephants-bubbles-brachosauruses @aesthetic-lyss @voguesir @michellebarista @caitsymichelle13 @bellero

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b-lessings · 3 years

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Hello sister, I recently converted to Islam and I just want to say how much I appreciate your presence on tumblr. It has really helped me a lot with my journey. You are such a beautiful person and thank you so much for your posts and reminders! Also if you have any tips or recommendations in regards to memorizing the Quran and being a better muslismah I would super appreciate it! I am still trying to figure everything out 😅😅😅

😶😶.

* speechless *

Assalamualaikum sister!

First of all, Ma Shaa Allah, la quwata illa billah, Allahuma barik lakii 🥺🤍🤍🤍🌼 congrats on converting and welcome HOME sis! May the highest ranks of Jannah be written for you, ameen. 🍃

Second of all, I feel so humbled by your words I don't know what to say except for Alhamdulillah. I am just over here tumblring my way thru life, learning as I go while there are great blogs on here with amazing rich and heavy Islamic content, sübhanallah. I don't even claim the knowledge I share. I am a very emotional personal and I do see religion from a very personal and subjective perspective that probably lots of people don't agree with or at least frown upon, and I know what they'll say : You need to take knowledge from an established scholar. True. But I believe more in connecting with people, being inspired by their personal stories, and how they flawedly and humanly make their way and walk their journey thru this beautiful religion ❤️ So for you to actually say that those precious words, it actually means one thing, that Allah swt is in shaa Allah pleased with me because He swt has heard my prayers of making my journey on tumblr beneficial to me and to others, and to make me help others by the means of this blog. So, Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah.

اللهم لك الحمد حتى ترضى ولك الحمد إذا رضيت ولك الحمد بعد الرضا

Now about the last part of your ask, concerning tips to memorize the Quran, I would give you my personal favorite: write the ayat that you want to memorize on a piece of paper big enough to show them clearly and hang them on the wall in your prayer corner in your room, then start reading them in your salat frequently. You can also write them down in a small notebook and carry it around, or have the Quran app on your phone and whenever you have some free time, you are using transportation or commuting, just pull your phone and read them over and over.. and of course listening to a recitation often or on repeat helps. That way you can learn the surat or ayat with the proper pronunciation and tajweed. But also there are programs and camps for memorizing the Quran if you wanna go the more organized official way 😅 I definitely encourage you to do so. Learning with a group could be very motivating. Also, if you are the type of person who is more productive and reaches their goals better with deadlines and guidelines and teachers/ supervisors checking on them, then that's definitely what you should do.

Oh but I almost forgot the most important thing. Before any step, you should make duāa to Allah swt that He eases this journey of memorizing the Quran for you.

" اللهمّ علمني القرآن وانفعني بالقرآن وارفعني بالقرآن "

Allahuma ālemnee Al Qur'an wa 'nfaānee bil Qur'an wa 'rfaānee bil Qur'an

My lord, teach me the Quran, and benefit me with the Quran, and elevate me with the Quran"

Allahuma ameen. May Allah swt accept it from you and all of us 🤍

Oh, also, try listening to khutbahs and lectures about the stories or the explanations of the chapters that you want to memorize. It will help remember what happens in that Surah. Kheir In shaa Allah. I am extremely proud of you, Allahuma barik.

Last but not least, I have only one tip on how to be a good muslimah sis, just be yourself. Stay true to yourself and to your gut feeling and always listen to your heart. Beware of being dragged into any side unconsciously. Always take a step back to check with yourself and evaluate the situation, think critically because our religion is actually about being critical and about thinking. Also, don't force yourself. Don't compare your first pages to someone's third or fourth book. Take it one step at a time, one thing at a time so that you don't find yourself exhausted and burnt out in no time. This religion is about quality not quantity. And the most loved/ preferred deeds to Allah swt are those that are consistent no matter how small. So, consistency, patience and persistence are your best friends in shaa Allah.

Moreover, it is very important that you be patient with yourself, and that you have unlimited endless infinite husn dhan (good intentions/ positive thinking) in Allah swt. Because you are gonna mess up, sooner or later, we all do, on daily basis, sübhanallah, that's human nature, and you are gonna feel tired at some points, and you are gonna feel desperate (but that's on the devil because a good believer should never feel despair, they should believe that Allah's mercy and grace is beyond any and everything.) So yeah, back to my point, even in those times where you might feel like you messed up and that it was bad and that maybe you are not worthy of Allah's mercy and forgiveness, KNOW that it's not true, and that's only the devil tricking you. So no matter what, always find your way back to Allah swt who swt will be waiting for you with kindness, mercy, grace, generosity, and reward 🤍🤍

The prophet Muhammad salla allahu alaihi wa sallam said “All the sons of Adam are sinners, but the best of sinners are those who repent often.” Related by At·Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah , so no matter what happens and no matter how hard it gets, KNOW that Allah's doors are always open.

I feel like I gave more than the one tip I said I'd give at the beginning of this thought 😅 But I do always get carried away. I still have some super special tips but I feel like the world is not ready for them yet, so maybe some day in the near future 🙈

And my dear sister, a final word for you: we are all still trying to figure it out I promise you. Nobody is perfect. Perfection was not meant for this worldly ending life. It was saved for the hereafter. So, please don't feel intimidated by anyone, be patient with yourself, and never lose hope in Allah's capability. I pray that Allah swt eases your path and blesses every step you make towards Him. And I pray that you find the confidence you need and that you fall inn love with yourself in this religion more and more everyday, ameen 🤍

I am here if you need anything, in shaa Allah I will be able to help.

Fi amanillah (I leave you in Allah's safety) 🤍

Salaam.

#I hope I didn't make this too long #islam #convert #asks #islamic post #Alhamdulillah #allah's mercy

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stennnn06 · 4 years

Note

supercorp 83

83- another sleepless night, huh? writing prompts

and here is the post reveal version of this prompt. i guess we could say it’s somewhere toward the finale, where instead of hand shakes and agreeing to take on lex, they actually ya know... make up. bonus (helpful?) andrea rojas because i do what i want.

Kara slams the backspace key of her laptop in frustration. She watches the letters of the few words she's written get swallowed whole, returning her to the beginning. It's almost midnight, and she's no closer to finishing this stupid article for Andrea than when she started. She sighs loudly, staring at the screen. She doesn't want to write about millennial fashion, or any fashion for that matter, but she has no choice. Andrea made it clear that she's on a limited beat, and an even tighter leash, and all of it is just impossible.

"Burning the midnight oil, Ms. Danvers?" Andrea's voice drifts over the quiet din. There's no one else in the office, which means no one to run interference from Andrea's prying eyes. Kara doesn't want to talk to her boss, and she definitely doesn't want to give an update. She wants to stew over her blank document in peace, and let her mind drift over more important things. She doesn't want to face Andrea's smiling scrutiny, or her sarcastic tone, or think about the way she reminds her so much of Lena that she wants to rip her own hair out.

Kara grits her teeth in frustration, nodding silently. "Yep," she mutters, keeping her face trained on her laptop. Andrea appears at her door in seconds.

"Well, you're just full of surprises, aren't you?"

Kara huffs. It's condescending, and she knows it. Andrea thinks she's lazy, and argumentative, and honestly, maybe she's right. Kara is tired of caring. She isn't here to please Andrea. She thought journalism was about something more -- about relentlessly pursuing a story no matter what, in order to expose the truth. Instead, she's writing about "athleisure" and answering reader questions about high waisted jeans. She ignores Andrea and glances at her phone. She hasn't had a text message in hours, not even from Alex. It's a quiet night in National City and she should be thankful, but really she's just anxious. There's a familiar name in her phone that hasn't reached out in so long, it's beginning to feel infinite. She doesn't know if she and Lena will ever get back to where they were, even if they aren't truly at odds anymore. Maybe there has been too much said, maybe there has been too much damage done. The lack of closure is enough to drive her to distraction. But her phone remains silent, with only the clock to keep her company.

11:45 and silent.

"I'm glad to see you working hard on this," Andrea says again, blithely unaware of Kara's attempts to deflect her conversation.

"Yep, just focused on this deadline," Kara says through gritted teeth, not even trying to hide her annoyance. Andrea only comes around when she wants something, so Kara braces for a bizarre request. She's not in the mood to play nice or get into an extended conversation, but she also can't afford to get fired.

Andrea pauses at the threshold, pursing her lips. Kara feels the way she lingers, but she chooses to ignore it.

"Can I give you some advice?" Andrea eventually asks, approaching slowly. It's rhetorical, Kara knows. She's going to say whatever she wants anyway. Kara's cheeks go hot. She wants to tell her to mind her business. That no, she's fine in the advice department, thanks. But instead, she simply looks up and offers a blank stare.

"Go see her," Andrea says directly. "Don't let time pass you by."

"What do you--"

"I've known Lena for longer than most--" Andrea interrupts. The way she says Lena's name stops Kara from arguing. "And I've hurt her more than anyone."

"I'm not sure about that," Kara mumbles, rolling her eyes.

"Trust me," Andrea insists. She takes a step in toward Kara's desk, which forces Kara's attention to float to her face. Andrea's eyes are cast down, and she chews on her lip the way she does when she's particularly displeased. "It pains me to say this, but I know how she feels about you."

"What do you mean?" Something shifts in Kara's chest at the suggestion.

Andrea's eyebrow raises sharply. "Don't make me spell it out, Kara. You're not as naive as everyone thinks."

"Okay," Kara gulps.

"She's already forgiven you," Andrea says matter-of-factly. "She just needs help admitting it."

"I don't know," Kara says, her heart rate picking up considerably. Can she really trust Andrea to be acting in her best interest? "Why are you helping me?"

"It's not for you," Andrea says sharply. She glances at her watch, clicking her tongue. She looks back at Kara, her mouth slightly open in exasperation. "What are you waiting for?"

Kara slaps her laptop closed. "Thanks, Andrea," she says, shouldering past her in an effort to get to the elevator before Andrea reconsiders.

"Thank me by finishing that article."

It's been ages since Kara has gone to Lena's apartment as herself. As Kara. She toys with the idea of landing on the balcony with her cape billowing slightly behind her, but it doesn't feel right. She doesn't want the crest. Not tonight.

She lands softly and discards the suit, opting for the front entrance. A new beginning, as herself.

It's past midnight by the time she approaches, but Lena’s light is on, as always. Kara knocks softly.

There's a quiet rustling, and a muffled "Who is it?" behind the door. Kara clears her throat.

"It's me," she says, her voice cracking. "It's--"

The door opens before she can finish.

"Kara," Lena breathes, her eyes wide with surprise. "Is everything okay?"

"Hi," Kara says quickly. Her mouth is terribly dry. Sometimes she forgets just how stunning Lena is. Especially when she hasn't seen her for awhile. It's always unnerving, no matter how many times it happens. "Yes! Yes, everything is fine. I just noticed your light was on. Another sleepless night, huh?" Kara chuckles nervously, unsure what to do. She didn't actually plan before coming over here, which is glaringly obvious now that she's nervous and tongue tied.

"You seem surprised," Lena says softly, a teasing smile on her lips. "Do you want to come in?"

"Thanks," Kara says, relieved. She follows Lena into her apartment, over to her couch. They haven't sat on it together since Kara thought they were still friends, when she tried to make up for her transgressions by bringing her all her favorite foods. The memory aches in her chest.

They sit in awkward silence, fidgeting amongst themselves until they both start speaking.

"I--"

"Kara--"

Lena's cheeks flush an attractive crimson, and Kara's entire body feels molten. They both bring their eyes sheepishly to the ground, careful to avoid disrupting each other again.

"You can go," Kara insists after a pause.

Lena studies her hands, working her fingers delicately. Her wrist flexes, and Kara is mesmerized. She always had the loveliest, most capable hands. Lena catches her eye finally.

"You aren't wearing your glasses," Lena muses, and it’s so unexpected that Kara unconsciously brings her hand to her eyes. It's a journey of emotions -- first, fear that she's forgotten something crucial, that she's showed up completely unprepared and wrong. But then the cold realization that there are no more walls between them, and what it means, settles in her gut. She lets her hand hang down slowly. "I'm still getting used to it," Lena explains softly.

"I'm sorry--"

"No," Lena shakes her head, smiling. "It's nice. I'm just-- I'm glad you came."

"Me too."

There's an awkward silence, and all Kara can hear is the humming of the dishwasher, an indicator that Lena's out of scotch tumblers. Which means she isn't doing so great, either.

"I wasn't ready to forgive you, before," Kara says, trying to square her shoulders and find the strength to confront this. "After everything, and all the lies, I just kept expecting you to let me down with another con. And you didn't. You just kept showing up, over and over, and I-- I wanted so badly to go back to how we were. But I didn't know if I could get hurt like that again."

"You didn't deserve that," Lena says, hanging her head.

"Neither did you."

"I got lost in the madness of it all. I've always been susceptible," Lena smiles wickedly, her self-deprecation on display. She sighs, her eyes softening. "Part of me kept waiting for you to rescue me."

Kara frowns, her pulse racing. "But I tried -- I did everything I knew how--"

Lena's mouth twitches, her chin quivering. "Not Supergirl." She swallows hard. "You."

Kara's mouth hangs open... She thinks of all the times after - how almost every single time she saw Lena after confessing her identity, she was National City's hero. She was Supergirl, and she was free of pretending -- but in the process, she was someone unknown. It was always heavy, their interactions always pleading and begging on behalf of greater interests, never just them.

"Lena," Kara's voice quivers. "But it was always me."

"Was it?"

Kara hesitates. She isn't sure how to answer that.

"What did you say when you told me why you kept it from me for so long?" Lena asks, her eyes welling with tears. "I was so angry at Supergirl-- but I loved Kara." Lena hesitates, taking a watery breath. "I've always loved Kara."

It hits like a hurricane, and Kara has to remember how to breathe. She inhales sharply. Lena doesn't say anything more.

"And now?" Kara whispers.

"And now," Lena says, smiling through her emotions. "Nothing about that has changed."

Kara's eyes fill with tears. She stands, opening her arms. She doesn't want to talk anymore. She just wants them to fall back into place, fitting together the way they did before. Lena melts into her arms and lets out a sob as she clutches Kara's back.

"I love you, too," Kara whispers into the space between her ear and her neck, holding her as close as possible. "Always."

#supercorp #this is like if you watched ep 1 and then the supercorp fall out ep and then skipped to the end lmao #writing prompts #thanks for sending!#Anonymous #sten says

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xpeachesncream · 3 years

Text

acquainted | fourteen

> series masterlist | series playlist <

summary: the biggest goal of a grad student is to get through school in one piece - no petty drama involved, no sweating over the little things. however, that plan almost always never follows through. sometimes, you can’t help but fall into the most unthinkable, unexpected traps and learn the hard way. like, exhibit a: being unable to resist your engaged, substitute teacher, kim seokjin.

pairing: jungkook x reader x engaged!teacher!seokjin

genre: grad school au, student life au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 2.7k

warnings: cussing/mature language, overthinking, insecurities, questioning feelings/thoughts

notes: please look out for chapter 15 - it’ll be the final chapter for this series, however, you’ll get to choose your decision. ☺️ thanks as always for all the love!

tags: @laurynne5 @yiyi4657 @miinoongi @teamtardis-notdead@bluesharksandfish@photographic-girl @yonkoghan @moonchild1 @thebeebi @brightcolorsoffendme (pls msg me if you would like to be added to the taglist!)

Close to a month had passed since you had seen Jin during that rainy night. Close to a month had passed since he quit being your creative writing professor. Close to a month had passed in complete silence and you still longed for him.

Close to a month had passed and your feelings hadn't changed.

Jin was in the same position, being that he was keeping his word and waiting for you until you were ready. He had quit because he honestly couldn't keep seeing you in class and he knew it wouldn't be a good idea with where his feelings were at for you. He only thought of the time to come, even if the light seemed to get weaker as the weeks passed on. He still had hope that you two would be okay. It also gave him a little bit more time to get himself together, clean up the empty space in his home and focus on his other job with all the deadlines he had to meet. He felt lonely, but he knew he had to put himself in this position in order to confirm where he stood with you and everything else.

He had seen Grace last week when she came to grab the last of her things, putting her movers to rest. It wasn't the best reunion, but she had flatly told him she was leaving for New York to continue improving her restaurant there before opening her Nevada location. He had given her his apologies and told her he wished her the best of luck, but she shook her head and told him to save it. She also told him that she hoped he was happy with how everything turned out and that you two definitely deserved each other for how selfish you both were. Jin quietly took it as he watched her stomp off to her car with a box of things in her hands.

Okay then. What else can he say?

He stands in his backyard, sipping on some coffee before he hears his front door open and shut. The individual comes beside him but leaves enough space in between and doesn't make eye contact.

"I'm only doing this because mom told me so." Jungkook says, his hands dug deep into his sweat pockets as he looked out at the view.

"Thanks anyway."

"So, why did you call me here?"

"Want anything to eat or drink?" Jungkook looks at him and shakes his head.

"I don't plan on staying long." Jin sits on one of the chairs, with Jungkook following suit.

"I just want to say I'm sorry that I wasn't a better brother to you, and that I didn't take your feelings into consideration." Jungkook presses his lips firmly together before slowly nodding.

"I appreciate that."

"I—" Jin sighs. "I know I was selfish, and it was wrong for me to not be upfront with you, or Grace like I should have been in the first place." Jin shakes his head. "I was just caught up—Still caught up." He catches himself. "I felt so much happier that I pushed everything else aside. I hadn't felt that way in awhile." Jungkook honestly agrees, he knows the feeling. But also, he noticed the change in Jin and wasn't sure what it was. He was happier around his friends. Full of life. Like he looked forward to every day. And he liked seeing that in him. He hadn't felt that kind of happiness and confidence radiate from his brother in awhile, and if someone was pulling the best out of him, then he couldn't even be mad at it. Yeah, he was hurt, but Jin had done so much for him as they were growing up that he only wanted him to be happy in the end. He wanted Jin to take care of himself first and foremost, since he had always been taking care of everyone else around him - Grace included. So no, he couldn't hate him, nor could he stay mad.

"I get where you're coming from, I really do. And I forgive you, but I can't say that I'm over it. It hurt pretty badly coming from you, especially."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you like that. You're my little brother, you know you come before everyone else." A small smile crept up on the corner of Jungkook's lips.

"You're a lot happier." Jin looks at him. "I can see how happy she makes you." Jin doesn't respond and simply sips his coffee.

"She does. Except, I'm not sure where I stand with her anymore."

"Why?"

"She's overwhelmed with everything going on." Jin shakes his head. "I don't know if her feelings for me are strong enough to overcome that."

"I think they are. I mean, obviously you were worth it to her, right?"

"Sure."

"Okay, it's not gonna be the easiest for me to talk about, but, coming from me as your brother, I don't think you should give up on it, especially if you both mean something to each other throughout all of this. I think the thing that matters most here is what you really want. I don't blame you for all of it, even though I came off pretty harsh. You've been taking care of me and everyone else around you that I think you should finally take care of yourself." Jungkook stares out at the view.

"I don't know, it's difficult."

"What's difficult about it?"

"I just don't want people to look down on her and I think that's what she's afraid of."

"Fuck 'em." Jungkook shrugs. "It'll take a bit for everyone to get passed it, but fuck it. You're the only one who truly knows her and again, I think that's all that matters. I mean from what I know, besides all of this, she's a really good person." Jungkook sighs. "Smart, beautiful, funny, caring."

"That she is."

"Then?"

"I don't know how else to tell her that, or prove to her. We haven't talked these past weeks."

"Maybe she just needed this time, but I wouldn't let her get away like that."

"I guess. I just don't wanna force her, or be on her case." Jin's head hangs low. He really missed you, but he wasn't going to press you and be on your case. He wasn't that type of guy, even though this shit drove him crazy.

"Look." Jungkook places his hand on Jin's shoulder. "You're always gonna be my brother and I'll always love you regardless of the dumb shit you pull. Do this for yourself. The least you could do is try, and if it doesn't work out, then you can say you tried."

"Thanks." Jin smiles toothlessly.

"One day, I'll get back at you though. I won't forget it." Jungkook playfully punches his arm, causing Jin to slightly yelp.

"Please, nothing physical. You're so much stronger than me." Jungkook smiles at him before pulling him into a hug.

"Everything will be alright, Jin."

"I hope so."

You poked at your slice of banana bread at the dining table before lazily swirling the spoon in your coffee cup. You had spent the weekend at your parents' home, just to get some good, quality family time in. It helped you get your mind off of a lot of things and get your priorities straight. It also reminded you of who the most important people in your life were. But even with all of this, your mind still lingered to Jin every once in awhile - wondering if he was okay, how he was doing, what he was up to.

If he still loved you. If he still wanted you.

Majority of you felt like you'd never figure it out with the radio silence over the last couple of weeks. Maybe this was just it. And you were trying to come to terms with it. Be mentally prepared to accept the fact that this was just it. Even though you were just able to fully come to terms with the fact that you had loved him that night Jimin had stayed with you, listening to you cry over and over again.

"You doing okay, sweetie?" Your mom sat next to you at the table, giving you a small, reassuring smile. Your parents were amazing, and you had a strong relationship with the both of them. However, your mother had always been your confidante, the parent you could go to for anything and everything without having felt judged or anything like that. She never scolded you, never angrily got upset at you for the dumb mistakes you've made. Instead, she's always lent a warm, gentle hand and reassured you that things would always be okay. That you'd grow from the experience and that it was only up from there.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Things still clouding your mind?" You stayed silent before you looked up at her. You hadn't said much about Jin this weekend because the whole point was to stay away from it all before having to go back to your lonely apartment and face your thoughts again. But, this afternoon, before having to leave, you just needed to hear the reassurance from your mom. You needed her this weekend.

"Mom, when did you know you loved Dad?" She chuckled a bit.

"I knew I loved him when I realized he never ran off during arguments or hard times. He gave me space, but he was always there, ready to fix things. Never gave up. It made me long for him all the time. He was the only one I'd look for, even after I had just called him stupid or ridiculous." You let out a small laugh.

"That's cute." She nods, but she doesn't say anything else for a bit. Gives you a little time to ponder on her response and sit there. But at the same time, she's reading you and she's reading your body language. A mother just knows.

"Honey, whoever he is--" She pauses before she switches up her statement. "--If you haven't been able to get your mind off of him, maybe that's telling you something."

"What? How do you know?"

"I just do. I'm your mother." You sat there for awhile, poking your banana bread more before you drop your fork and look at her with your teary eyes.

"Mom, I think--" You sniff and quickly wipe your nose. "I messed up big time." She shook her head.

"If there's a will, there's a way." She softly says before you start to tell her about every single thing that had been occupying your mind. How you had a new professor that you had a harmless crush on. How that eventually spiraled out of control and things got further than you both had expected. Grace. His engagement. Seeing him during late nights, the secret calls. The LA trip. Jungkook. How he told you he loved you. Everything.

You just needed to lay this out on the table.

And yet, your mom never judged you. She sat, listened and held your hand the entire time. Caressing your hand and brushing the hair out of your face as you cried and told her you felt stupid for doing such a thing, but you loved Seokjin. You had fallen in loved with him and there was no going back for you. Not after Chance. You had opened yourself up to him and let him in even though you've tried your hardest to take it easy. To let yourself fully heal from losing Chance.

You couldn't help it. Even though you were afraid.

"Ohh, babygirl." She says softly, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. "I know it hasn't been easy, and it's not the best situation to be in, but if you're still looking for him after all of this--" She pauses. "If he's still waiting for you to be ready, maybe it's just meant to happen that way. You shouldn't stop yourself just because you're afraid. You might regret that more."

"I know." You sniffed. "But it just feels so messed up, you know? Even though that's how I feel about him, I feel like I'll never over overcome the anxiety or the what if's."

"The circumstances weren't the greatest, I'll tell you that. But you can't help who you fall in love with, right? Whether it turns out good or bad, your paths cross for a reason. Whether it's a blessing or another lesson to learn from. And from what I hear, it sounds like he was at least able to make you happy and pull you out of this dark hole you had been living in since Chance passed." She says looking at you, worry filling her eyes. She gently caresses your hand with her thumb before letting out a small sigh. "I know Chance's passing was the hardest thing you have ever had to endure, and I know it has been incredibly hard to pull yourself out of the dark since then. It's been hard to see you go through this."

"Jin did make me happy. I felt wanted."

"But, is that enough for you?" You shrug. "Honey, all I want is for you to stop shielding yourself from the world and living in the shadows. I know it's been difficult, and I know Chance was everything to you. But, he would have wanted you to be happy, okay?" She nods reassuringly. "He would have wanted that for you and so much more. No matter what that means - if you stay with Jin, or if you go and focus on yourself. Let yourself live and be happy, baby. It's okay." You let the remaining tears fall as you nod in agreement with her. Suddenly, a huge weight has been lifted off of your shoulders, hearing it come from your own mother.

Let yourself live and be happy, baby. It's okay.

It's almost like you can hear Chance's voice coming through and that's what makes you feel at peace.

And so, you pack up your things to head back over to your apartment, feeling 10x more refreshed than when you got here. You hopped into your car, debating if you'd send Jin a text before getting home.

[ryujin] 3:37pm: hey, are you almost going home?

[y/n] 3:38pm: just about to leave to head back. what's up?

[ryujin] 3:39pm: nothing, baby! just drive safely for me. i'll see you when you get back? text me if you wanna go somewhere.

[y/n] 3:40pm: okay! but aren't you with namjoon?

[ryujin] 3:41pm: yessss and? he can wait. lol

[y/n] 3:42pm: jeez lol don't do that to him! i'll text you later though if anything. have fun! be safe!

Over the weeks, Ryujin was able to tell you about the time she spent time with Namjoon and how she unexpectedly spent the night at his place before picking you up at the airport. You watched as she told you the details, the rosy tint filling her cheeks as she blushed and smiled from ear to ear. It made you happy that she was happy, and that she was exploring things with him. You didn't know much about him personally, but from what you've heard, he sounded like a great guy. You wanted a good guy for your bestfriend, someone who could appreciate her for who she is - a loud, tiny-but-packed-with-attitude, smart, beautiful woman.

You figured you'd text Jin when you get settled at home. It'll at least buy you some time to formulate the text, and what you'd say when you see him in person. It's a nice day out and it's contributing a lot to the calmness you're starting to feel. Things feel like they're falling into place, even though you hadn't had a chance to talk to Jin yet. Things just felt better than they have been in awhile.

You get to your apartment building and park in your assigned space before grabbing your things out of the trunk. Your duffle had gotten a lot heavier, being that your mom shoved some of the things she had bought you into the bag, plus an additional bag full of groceries. You slowly walked into the building and towards your floor, only to be greeted by an individual standing in the hallway, looking towards the opposite end of the hallway.

In front of your door.

"Jin?" You ask as he slowly turns around, his expression warm and inviting. He carried a huge bouquet of flowers in front of him, so huge it almost covered that small smile he gave off.

"Y/N."

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the-darklings · 3 years

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coa one year later & self-reflection

(*drags out a creaky metal chair and plops down on it heavily*)

Hi. It’s me, ya boi skinny--

Wait, wrong one. Do over.

Hi, it’s me, Kat, and I’m not dead. Clearly. Today being one year anniversary of COA has kinda put me in a reflective mood, so I guess I decided to sit down and just...talk about some things, thoughts and feelings I’ve been bottling inside for a hot sec. Especially given how radio silent I have gone on here and people deserve a bit of perspective.

And before anyone starts worrying, it’s all good, and I’m still around and currently in good health for the most part.

So, let’s take it back to the start. Regardless of how dramatic it may sound, we need to go back a year for that.

By technicality alone, COA actually turned one year old on October 12th. That’s when the first part was posted. However, the reason I’m treating today as the aforementioned birthday is simple: I had no intention of this story ever being more than a short two-parter. I told this to the discord gang already but COA was only going to have two parts. V was going to die in Tokyo and the rest of the story follows glimpses of John throughout the movies and it’s her ghost that haunts him. Skipping ahead, it was going to have a bittersweet ending of John eventually dying, having completed his task, only to be greeted by V, Daisy and Helen in the afterlife. A peace of sorts. Then, I realised that, well, no. I have more to say on this world and intrigue about this placeholder character V kept growing.

November 1st happened and I made a very last minute call to continue COA but with the added pressure of doing it during NaNoWriMo 2019. And boy did I. Most of the story was figured out during that very intense month. I posted Part 2 on this day a year ago because I was so eager to share it. Perhaps, in retrospect, a bit too eager.

For those of you who may not know this, I work as a writer full time for my actual every day job. I’m the main writer for an original webcomic called In the Bleak Midwinter on Webtoon.com and have been for almost two years now. Getting what is essentially your dream job is amazing. I’m very lucky on that front but it also taught me stark realities of having your job and only hobby overlap. It’s a dangerous creative mix. Especially because I was not used to being constraint in what I create or the feeling like I have to please anyone else. Writing as a job is a whole other avenue of creative exhaustion. I love my job a lot and am very, very lucky to have it but it doesn’t change the fact that those initial stages made me fall back on COA a lot for creative freedom that I craved so desperately. To an unhealthy degree looking back on it now.

But going back to November last year. NaNo time. I did it. Finished on the 24/25th I believe. A juicy final count of 52k+. All while maintaining a weekly update schedule for a fic that usually hit around 10k per update, if not more, even during those early days. Add writing an original story on top of that. Writing every day for hours on end (we are talking 10-12hr days) without any time for other hobbies or time for myself in general. I kept pushing and pushing and pushing. Losing weight and sleep in the process. I think the thing that convinced me that I should continue doing so is the fact that the outpour of support for COA ended up surpassing anything I ever expected or even dared to hope for. I’m not a huge numbers person but the outpour of love and just sheer investment in the story and characters blew me away. John Wick fandom is on the smaller side and has been going through downtime when I posted COA so my expectations were...well, small tbh. I like keeping expectations low to avoid any disappointments in general. But I’ve also always had an issue of being a massive 0 or 100 kind of person. If I love something, it consumes me. In this case, it brought me as much joy and freedom as much as it was steadily pushing me towards the ultimate crash.

That being said, I can’t thank you all enough for every comment, like, reblog and message and fanart. You’re the reason I got this far. With your support. It brightened some really dark days for me.

But.

To be frank, it’s never been about you guys. I never wrote or pushed because I felt like I had to appease anyone. That creative mindset is pure poison and I long since learned to let go of it. I kept pushing and kept working myself to the bone because I liked it. I liked how reading peoples’ responses made me feel. I liked the addictive nature of reading all the comments and theories after an update. I loved the idea of brightening peoples’ days and giving them something to cheer them up after what might have been a shitty day. Even if that was at expense of my own time/well being. But for a long time, it wasn’t. I love writing a lot but facts remain facts.

It was beyond unhealthy and burnout wasn’t a question of if but when and that when was approaching at neck-breaking speed.

So we come to the end of November. Part 4 has just come out. People were invested and I was invested alongside them. I was just finishing up Part 5 which (back then) was the biggest single chapter I’ve ever written and god I still recall my sheer dread because that was the beginning of Santino being established as a LI. Looking back on that now, it’s downright hilarious how worried I was about the reception of him and V together after John.

So honestly, I hit burnout at around Part 8. Because that’s the first time I recall struggling with writing a chapter. Part 8 came out on December 28th. I had a brief break for holidays. But my mistake was not taking longer back then. Because I continued writing with a barely healed burnout. Followed by almost a year of struggling and continuously creating through that state. It wasn’t like I eased off the pressure, either. Oh, no. The chapters grew in size, the world and the characters with it. AUs amassed quickly and while I adore every single one - again, I didn’t know how to pace myself well enough.

I’m spiteful though. The more the chapters struggled the more I pushed against the burnout. By the time Chicago arrived, however, I knew I was in trouble. I ended up writing 43k+ in a span of 2 months, I believe. And while to some it may not seem like a lot given the time frame, it’s a lot when you’re burnout to a crisp & writing an original story for work + deadlines. Which I was burned out and then some. Chicago was something I was looking forward to writing for months. I have built it up since Part 4. It was a long time coming. So while I’m still proud of it, I would be lying if I said that some scenes were not sacrificed for the sake of keeping to my invisible schedule that no one but me actually cared about. You guys have always been patient. I never felt pushed into anything. It’s always only ever been me doing the harm.

Chicago was the downwards spiral for me mentally. I felt like I was failing to live up to my own expectations. That people were drifting away from it. I was plagued by the thought that the story I poured so much into was falling apart and growing weaker. Which this has always been an issue with me: I am my own harshest critic. Always have been. In fact, I’m a downright mean little fucker when it comes to just tearing at myself. I know writing is for fun - and it is - but I still like the idea of being proud of my work which only made everything worse despite the love each update received.

This takes us to the beginning of June. Specifically, June the 2nd. Or, as I like to call it: Kat Makes Another Impulsive Decision but This One Actually Works Out For the Better. On this day, I created the COA Discord server. And damn, I’m not sure what exactly I was expecting when I did ngl. I did it for fun and as an escape more so than anything. But somehow it ended up being the best decision I made in a long while. I know some of you are reading this. So love you lots, dorks. It’s such a privilege to be able to call so many of you my friends even outside of COA now. That little community has given me some of the best memories from this year and helped me to crawl out of my own metaphorical pit I was stuck in. Mentally, I’m doing much better than I did beginning of this summer. Which could be summed up as a constant self-hatred cycle and a feeling of inadequacy.

That, however, does not mean my burnout magically disappeared. If anything Chapter 17 just put a nail in the coffin so to speak. 2020 has been a shitty year just across the board for obvious reasons I don’t need to go into here but that can only partially be attributed to my mental state. Chapter 17 was...exhaustive. To say the least. But I was determined to stick with my vision and not split it up. I was also starting to be a bit more forgiving towards myself in terms of how long I may take to write it thanks to guys on discord though the feeling of failure and worry never quite faded fully. I’m proud of Part 17. Truly. But that was also when I hit rock bottom creatively on COA. It drained me completely.

I tried writing Part 18 for weeks after, day in and day out, not getting past the first scene and hating every word I wrote. So I took a deep breath and stopped. Figured I let it marinate and wait instead of trying to piece one of the most crucial chapters in this story like some Frankenstein monster two sentences at the time.

So my solution was simple: give myself some distance from it and write other things. Get my spark back. Of course that’s always a good idea. Having multiple creative escapes is the best thing you can do for yourself creatively. There was just one tiny little problem.

I was still burned out. Still am. The problem went deeper than just being burned out over COA. I was burned out over writing itself.

Which is an issue for a person who only has writing as a creative outlet.

I don’t have any other way to express myself. So I was stuck in a runt, trying to write because it’s the only thing that makes me genuinely happy even when I really shouldn’t have. And let me tell you. It’s a shitty fucking feeling. My burnout worsened. I had a thousand ideas but every time I tried to get them down it felt forced, fragmented, and weak. Repetitive and dry. Now, this is also in part because English isn’t my native language, so my vocab is limited as a result, but I hit that sweet rock bottom in that regard, too.

So, I worked on V (but in her OC form Clara), Lucien and The Elites. All those characters have grown so much since you last read about them. I have multiple original projects planned down the line that will feature all of them existing in their own world, with their own stories and no longer constrained by JW canon.

Which, finally, takes us to the end of October and beginning of November 2020.

I was convinced that the best course of action was to do NaNo again but with an original story this time (involving V). Suffice to say, it took a grand total of maybe 5-6 days and hating every second of writing it while also feeling like this project I’m so passionate and excited to write (still am) is just...going down the toilet to be blunt, to realise I may have made the wrong call.

Still, the stubborn ass that I am, I pushed through. Convinced I can get into it if I just keep going. The realizations that I am sharing with you right now won’t have been possible if it hadn’t been for a rather curious turn of events about a week and a half ago.

I recently bought a gaming laptop, all in preparation for Cyberpunk 2077 dropping ofc. But, in the meantime, I kept recommending a game to a friend on the COA server. That game? Far Cry 5. (It’s a blast to play btw, just a side note.) And playing it brought back all the feelings of nostalgia from the days when I used to write for that fandom. So I revisited some old work. Checked the stuff I never published and that has been sitting ducks in my docs for months and hoo boy. Let me tell you it was a vibe check of the worst kind.

The stark difference in the prose and the ease with which it flowed was...startling. It made me remember why I love writing so much and how proud I used to be of what I wrote back in the day. Which is not to say I’m not proud now, but it was just such a sharp dip in quality it was impossible to ignore.

So I didn’t.

I paused NaNo, moving it to another month. I paused writing for everything but work, which with our season coming to an end I will also get a rest from soon, too. I kinda paused in general. For the first time in a while, I finally forced myself to switch off. Rest.

The reason why I haven’t been on here is simple: guilt and not having energy to be on here. I like making my blog a safe space for everyone. Similar to escape it has become for me. I couldn’t pretend I was fine when I wasn’t. I felt obliged to perform and being here became exhausting. I haven’t been checking my inbox. Haven’t done much of anything except occasionally dropping by and reblogging a random post so people know I’m alive.

And that’s that, folks. That’s where I am currently. Resting. Completely exhausted mentally but resting. Getting my energy back.

So where does that leave us, huh? If you read this far, dunno what to tell you. Thanks, I suppose. It’s still odd to think people actually care about my existence sometimes.

I know what you’re likely thinking, too. So does this mean COA is never gonna be finished? What is gonna happen to it? Are you abandoning it?

The answer: no. 17 out of 25 chapters and 250k+ in, I’m too far in not to give it a proper conclusion. Not because I owe it to anyone other than myself. I want this story to be a stepping stone for my future as a writer. I want to prove to myself that I can get this done and finish it. As of right now (as you can no doubt tell with how long it’s been since last update) it’s on a soft hiatus while I rest. This rest? Not sure how long it may last. Right now, my plan is till mid December at which point I will reevaluate. Ideally, I finish the year with an update. But my New Year’s resolution is to finish COA. That timeline has become a little more murky now but, again, ideally it’s within the first quarter of 2021. Will that happen? I don’t know. And I don’t want to make false promises, either.

All I’m saying is that it will be done. I’m just no longer sure how long, exactly, it may take me to reach that Epilogue. I don’t expect many people to stick around for however long it may take me, but if you do, thank you. Truly. I really and deeply mean that.

So what’s on the cards for this blog in the meantime? Well, CP77 is coming out in under a month (if it doesn’t get moved again lmao rip) and I expect that to be my soft return to posting my writing on here again. We will see where the muse takes me, if at all. Regardless though, I’m excited.

One doctorate thesis later, here we are at the end of this really long rambling session. I hope that this has given you some perspective on things going on behind the scenes. I spared you some of the gorier details but I think this post has been long overdue. I suppose I, myself, was just too unwilling to face these things despite knowing about them deep down for a while now. I’m too self-critical not to notice but acting on correcting this behavior has been a whole other matter clearly.

Thank you for reading this post, my writing in general, and supporting me. I’m not going anywhere. I’m still around. More is on the way in the future. I’ll be seeing you all real soon. And all my love to all of you.

Love,

- Kat.

#kat speaks #blog psa #i suppose

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